#literally as I was drawing this someone said they wanted her to die

[bisexualenbyblueberry]

Shitty art but I will never forgive y'all for this

(the art is very shitty I apoligize, I am not an artist)

[dragon-kazansky]

Bridgerton shade of blue

Benedict Bridgerton x Female Reader

Benedict bumps into you, quite literally, at a ball while trying to escape his mother's attempts to find him a partner. You decide to humour him with a dance, not realising just how entwined you would become with him. It seems the universe will find every excuse to push you and Benedict together, no matter how much you fight it.

{Masterlist}

{Previous Chapter} - {Next Chapter}

Season one

Chapter Ten - Duel at dawn

♡♡♡

Meanwhile, at the art studio, Benedict was still lingering around. Most of the artists had vacated the room by this point, but Benedict Bridgerton was still present.

"You have great potential." Henry said, coming up beside him.

"It's nothing," Benedict says sharply.

"Though, for such a staunch critic of others, you certainly lack a clear eye for your own work."

Benedict sighs. "It's the lines. Not what they're supposed to be."

"Take the compliment, Bridgerton. There is no expectation or judgement here. You left all of that back in Mayfair. You can feel free to be yourself here... if that's what you should like."

Benedict smiles.

"It's what works for me, at least. And I haven't been dissatisfied with my lines in... well, quite some time."

Benedict chuckles again. "Well, I've done worse, I suppose, really."

"Mm. Fair enough."

"I seem to have enjoyed myself too much this evening." Benedict looks around at the empty room. "I should be on my way."

"As you wish," Henry says nonchalantly. "But know you are welcome back any time for practice or even conversation."

They both chuckle.

♡♡♡

By the time Benedict gets home, Anthony and Daphne are talking very seriously in the hall. He stops and looks at his two siblings.

"What is it?"

Anthony marches over and grabs him by the arm. "You and I need to talk. Daphne, bed."

Anthony drags his brother to his study.

"I will need you to stand as my second," he says after explaining everything to Benedict.

"What if you get yourself killed?" Benedict asks. He wasn't exactly thrilled about what had apparently transpired, but even less so about the thought of losing his brother.

"Then the title and estates will pass to you," Anthony tells him.

Benedict didn't want that.

"And if you kill Hastings?"

"I shall have to leave the country, and you'll be head of the family in every way that matters."

Again, he didn't want that.

Chuckling I the hall draws their attention to the door.

You laugh with Colin as Violet hangs off the both of you. She's clearly been drinking a lot tonight. She can't even walk straight. You've never seen her so uncomposed before.

The door opens behind you, and Anthony and Benedict are standing there.

"You're clearly sover," Colin laughs with his mother.

"And I'm sober enough to know when you're being impertinent." She chuckles. "Good night, dear."

You giggle. Violet waves at you lazily, and you chuckle again at her inability to remain composed.

You turn to see the two brothers still standing there and nudge Colin. He looks at you and then at them. They wave him over.

"Good god. Did someone die?" Colin asks.

You look at Anthony, who glances at you, his sowlnt thank you for helping bring his mother home. Then your gaze shifts to Benedict, who looks at you with a strange expression. You wonder where he's been all evening.

Colin turns to you. "Get home safe, okay?"

You nod, knowing your maid was waiting outside. You watch him walk toward his brothers and then leave.

♡♡♡

You arrive early to the Bridgerton house the next morning. You had snuck out alone. You had hoped to be there early enough before Anthony left to duel the duke.

Unfortunately they had already left.

You had, however, arrived in time to see Daphne and Colin leaving. When Colin saw you he sighed.

"You cannot be serious."

"I am."

Daphne says your name as she looks at you. "You do not have to witness this."

"I want to. As your friend. I will not allow this stupid, and mind I remind you illegal, activity to take place."

Colin sighs and helps you up into his horse. "Hold on."

He spurs the horse on, leading Daphne to the agreed spot. You hold on tight to him as he rides.

All Daphne can think about is Simon.

"Anthont won't... kill him, right?" You ask, watching Daphne ride.

"No. Sound him, surely."

"Good..."

"Are you worried?" He asks.

"Yes. Are you not?"

Colin doesn't answer.

By the time you arrive within diat ne of seeing them, the two are already stood feet apart with their pistols aimed. It's Daphne who rides faster to get between them.

"Stop!"

Anthony fires his pistol as soon as she shouts, the horse his sister's on rears back and Daphne falls to the ground.

"Daphne!" Simon shouts.

"Sister!"

Both men run toward her.

Colin pulls his horse to a stop, and you both climb off, rushing to them. Benedict drops the pistol case and does the same. He doesn't have time to ask why you're here.

"Are you hurt? Tell me!" Simon demands.

"I am perfectly well, no thanks to you idiots," she says, standing up.

"What are you playing at?" Anthony asks.

"Says the man who just shot at me!"

"You just rode into the middle of a duel!"

"I require a moment with the duke," Daphne says softly.

Anthony tries to stop her, but she stops him in return. Benedict pulls Anthony back and says, "make it brief."

Daphne and Simon walk off to talk.

"What are you doing here?" Benedict asks once they're out of ear shot.

"I came to help stop this ridiculous display."

"You could have been hurt," he says.

"No one got hurt, luckily."

Benedict looks a little lost for words. You sigh and look at him and then at Anthony. The eldest looks at you and nods once, softly. His eyes then flick back over to his sister.

"We must resume before someone should find us," Anthony says to the pair.

Simon nods at him.

Daphne watches him walk and then says, "there will be no need to resume."

Everyone turns to look at her.

"The duke and I are to be married."

You look at her and then turn to the duke. You're not sure what they discussed. He stares at her.

The three brothers look between the duke and their sister.

Whatever they discussed, Daphne made up her mind.

When Simon does not speak against her statement, it becomes clear to everyone that the matter is settled.

Now you all just need to get home before someone sees you all.

♡♡♡

@callmemana - @lilscast - @imgondeletedis - @benedictbridgertonss - @clownsdiehard - @wxnterwidow333

@sillynilly27 - @autumn-slaves - @ben-has-arrived - @ajdelilah - @aadu2173

@booknerdlife - @tamlinrose - @sarahskywalker-amidala - @cheryyluv - @louschan - @lou-la-lou - @cultish-corner

@hopshusushi - @katherinejess - @nannabug - @afunkyfreshblog - @f0x33 - @dd122004dd

@jupitervenusearthmars - @orchiidflwer - @bespinnn - @captainlunaxmen - @winchestersimpalababy - @acupnoodle

@ms-fandomgirl - @fablesrose - @anyaisinyourcloset - @meowzerzstuff - @orchiidflwer - @bespinnn - @crazymar15

@cosmixstar - @bree3parchen -

[yerimbrit]

insufferable : k. chaewon

synopsis: i (21f) absolutely detest my roommate (21f). we've known each other for years, but have always had this unspoken beef?, for lack of a better word. i tried requesting a dorm change but was denied. my friend offered to switch dorms but my roommate started acting weirdly after i told her about it. what should i do?

# : pairing ! nonidol!kim chaewon x fem!reader

# : tags ! college!au, enemies to something else, crack, fluff, light angst, they're so petty it's insane, forced proximity, reader is lowk a jock, temperature is in fahrenheit cus i'm american sorry, miscommunication, arguments, kazuha owns a wii and a betta fish

# : wordcount ! 4.7k

# : warnings ! none

"you've got to be kidding me."

chaewon scoffed, looking at you with an expression that nearly matched yours which held an inexplicable amount of disgust. she rolled her suitcase into the dorm, slipping off her vans slip-ons. "shouldn't i be saying that? no one would want to room with you, hello?"

you scowled, turning back to the tv, logging into your netflix account. "you know what, whatever. i mind my own business, you mind yours. let's just make this easier on both of us, yeah?"

"for once, i agree with you."

ah, yes. kim chaewon. the bane of your existence, and also the girl you'd been beefing with since the third grade. it all started when she said that she could beat you in a race during the sports festival. then, after she lost the race, she had started stealing your juiceboxes when you weren't looking. as a result, you laughed at her crayon drawings and knocked down her block towers for revenge.

the exchanges eventually escalated into middle school and high school, your rivalry turning into petty arguments and pointed glares across the room. it only got worse when your mothers had gotten close at one particular school event, and you had to see chaewon even more than usual. to add onto that, you always saw her at your basketball games because she was the captain of the cheer team.

kim chaewon was a constant in your life. and god, was she so annoying.

"she's so annoying," you grumbled, popping a french fry into your mouth. "i mean, who the hell does pilates in the living room!?"

kazuha smiled and took a sip of her root beer. "me. it's actually kind of fun, you should try when you can't make it to the gym."

"you know she's a gym bro, it's like her second home," yunjin snorted, stealing a fry off of your plate, which effectively earned her a swat of the hand.

yunjin and kazuha were both on the basketball team with you, but kazuha was also on your high school team. you were the one who'd convinced her to join due to her height, on just her second day at school after transferring from japan. then, you and kazuha met yunjin at orientation, who was also planning on trying out for your college's team, and once you all made it, you were inseparable.

you sighed. "you're literally the one who goes with me, yunjin."

the american threw her hands up in a guilty manner, then stole another fry. "anyway, can we talk about something else? this whole time you've been talking about your roommate, personally i don't care but i hear this everyday. you even blow up the groupchat to talk about her."

"i think i've heard her name more than my own," kazuha shuddered. she drank the rest of her soda, resulting in the straw making an obnoxious sound when the cup emptied. "are you sure you aren't like, in love with her or something? i've never seen you talk about someone so much, someone other than chaewon."

you gagged. you? in love with chaewon? quite the opposite. "that's absolutely disgusting, zuha. don't ever mention me, chaewon, and in love, in the same sentence, again."

you would rather die than date kim chaewon. literally everything about her infuriated you. for example: she woke up way too early.

recalling the past few days, you grimaced. last night while you were on a game-replay-turned-movie-binge, you heard the girl start singing and working in the kitchen. and while you had to admit she did have a killer voice, it was 5 am and you still hadn't gone to sleep.

also, she spent hours in the bathroom. even after being let known that you were exhausted and sweaty from practice, she spared no pity for you. she even went as far as to take another thirty minutes just to spite you. what did she even do in there?

and every time you came back late from a party or from hanging out with yunjin and kazuha, she scolded you. it was always about having some respect for her and how irresponsible you were for not returning at an appropriate time. what was she, your mom?

it seemed chaewon just loved to scold you. be quiet at night, stop leaving your towels everywhere, can you shut up so i can study, clean up after you finish your takeout, that wasn't even the end of it.

(after a grueling practice session led by your team captain, you were just about ready to pass out on your bed. unfortunately, you couldn't do that until you showered and chaewon was in the sole bathroom that your dorm had.

"why's it so fucking hot," you whined, begrudgingly getting up to check the thermostat. as you shuffled over while wiping your forehead clear of sweat with the towel hanging around your neck, you could slowly and clearly make out the number 78.

"what the fuck."

"oh, you're back."

speak of the devil, who just came out of the shower with her hair still wet and dripping onto her white my melody tee.

you furrowed your eyebrows, trying not to focus on her appearance, her bare face that looked too good, and pointed to the thermostat. "could you," you coughed, wiping the sweat off of your nose, "care to tell me why our dorm is set to 78 degrees."

chaewon sneered. "it was cold.")

a text sucked you out of your dingy flashback. it was from chaewon, of course it was. 'it's ur turn to take out the trash this week.' how about it's your turn to take her out? with a punch, of course. yeah.

"gotta go," you stood up, letting out an unnecessary and exaggerated groan as you stretched your back muscles. "the demon is calling."

"so can i have your last fry or what?"

you scoffed at yunjin, snatching the fry and shoving it in your mouth. the blonde mumbled something under her breath that you couldn't catch, but kazuha interjected before you could flick her on the nose.

"hey, you should do us a favor and confess already!"

"i don't like her like that! or at all! i'll stop spamming you if that's what you want, just stop assuming i have a crush on chaewon."

yunjin smirked. "'cause you do?"

"'cause i don't!"

you started walking towards the exit of the diner, dreading the upcoming encounter with your roommate. and also dreading the future "chaey/n" ship texts from the two idiots. you reminded yourself to set up an anti-yunjin booth to counter her upcoming student council campaign.

"you can kiss a hundred boys in ba—"

"can you shut the fuck up? i'm trying to study," chaewon half-groaned and half-yelled as she slammed your door open.

you were currently in a sweat-inducing fight against malenia in your summonless run of elden ring, with sakura (who happened to be best friends with chaewon) screaming in your ear whenever you failed to dodge the boss's waterfowl dance. just as you narrowly avoided an attack, you started singing good luck, babe! in a panic.

because you were still fighting the boss, and because you only heard something thud, you didn't realize that your fuming roommate was standing in your room, waiting for you to notice her presence.

chaewon moved to stand next to you, hands on her hips as her patience continued to thin out. the 'you died' screen faded in on your screen and you respawned at the site of grace, whining while sakura both laughed at you and scolded you through the discord voice chat.

through the corner of your eye, you could barely see a bit of pink. huh. what was pink in your room? almost nothing, besides the pinkie pie plush that yunjin had gotten you as a joke, but that was resting on your bed and you certainly didn't recall getting anything else this week.

...until you looked up and saw the scowling face of kim chaewon.

"how did you not see me for the past ten minutes."

your mouth dropped open and you pressed the mute button on your mic before taking your headphones off. "i was busy! and why are you here anyway?"

chaewon gripped the pale pink fabric of her twice hoodie in frustration. "i came in ten minutes ago to tell you to shut up, but you didn't hear me!"

"you could've, i don't know, tapped my shoulder!?" you yelled back, pinching the bridge of your nose. how were you supposed to know she was there when you were so focused on your computer screen?

"ugh!" she turned away, exasperated. "god, i wish you out of all people weren't my roommate! i mean who even sings to chappell roan while they're being chased down!?"

upon hearing her words, it hit you. you had asked the RA minjeong for a dorm change, but she had simply told you to suck it up, or find someone willing to swap with you. and lucky for you, sakura was more than willing to do exactly that, because she hated rooming with your best pal yunjin.

"you know what, i've got just the news for you."

the shorter girl looked startled, but ever so impatient. "what?"

you pulled up your texts with the older japanese girl, revealing an agreement that she would switch with you because "yunjin keeps taking naps on our sofa and leaving crumbs everywhere u can have her," smiling in victory.

to your utter surprise, chaewon went quiet. then she bit her lip and left your room without another word.

"what the fuck?"

this week felt different. you no longer heard humming from the kitchen in the morning but heard sounds of sizzling and clashing, the fresh aroma of breakfast she cooked making its way even through the door to your room.

chaewon stopped doing pilates in the living room, she stopped telling you to clean up and instead waited for you to do it at your own pace. she stopped texting you to shut up, and she hadn't spent any more time than necessary in the bathroom besides her lengthy nightly routine.

it was weird. why was chaewon doing the exact opposite of what you complained about?

so you did the obvious and asked her about it, when she was in the living room watching something on your netflix account connected to the tv.

"hey."

she hummed, not bothering to turn around and face you. what the hell was her problem?

you strided to the side of the couch, scoffing when she didn't pay even an ounce of attention to you. unfortunately, that only pissed you off more. you grabbed the remote and paused the episode of whatever drama she was on.

the girl whipped her head around, eventually meeting your eyes. "what are you doing!?"

your roommate took her dramas very seriously. so of course, this resulted in an agitated chaewon. well, at least she was looking at you.

"no," you started, "what are you doing?"

she furrowed her brow, crossing her arms. "i don't know what you're talking about."

seriously? she still wanted to play dumb? you crossed your arms, mirroring her posture. "you know damn well what i'm talking about. you're acting so," you threw your hands up in a mocking manner, "weird. you're not trying to piss me off anymore. which, in turn, is pissing me off even more!"

"are you a masochist, by any chance?" she ridiculed, stifling her laughter.

"no! can you just answer my question?"

chaewon scowled, standing up from her spot on the couch and walking right in front of you. there was an angry red blush settling on her ears, and she had to look up at you. it would be a lie to say it wasn't the least bit cute.

her finger pressed on your chest, forcefully pushing you back by half a step. "i've been acting nice for you, and this is how you respond? can't you be grateful for once in your sorry life!?"

"well i'm sorry that i'm weirded the fuck out when you're always so pissy! can you imagine my reaction when you suddenly start acting like an angel? good thing you don't need to imagine, it's right in front of you," you stepped closer to her, gritting your teeth.

as you looked down you could see slight eyebags messily covered by makeup, and the strands of hair sticking out after she haphazardly tied it into a bun. you almost wanted to reach out and at least move her bangs out of her face.

on the other hand, chaewon was seething. "you know what?" she hissed, glaring at you with such killer intent that it made you shrink back. "i'm glad you're moving out. sakura would be so much better than you."

her anger reflecting in her teary eyes had reached you, yet there was a hint of softness somewhere in them. you sighed in defeat. "...fine."

"fine? hey, wait! i'm not done with you, damn it!"

without waiting for an answer, you grabbed your phone and keys, walking out the door while ignoring the shorter girl's questions and yells.

you found yourself in kazuha's apartment. the basketball player lived by herself, not counting the super blue betta fish she kept in the living room. jinsoul—the betta, you mean—was trained and was even taught to do tricks, like following your finger across the aquarium, swimming through hoops, et cetera.

"so you mean to tell me, you just walked out after fighting with her and let yourself in with my spare key?" kazuha yawned out, dropping a few pellets into the tank. a wide grin spread across her lips as she watched the fish eat.

sometimes it felt like kazuha believed that jinsoul (again, the fish) was her real daughter; it would be laughable if she wasn't so dead serious about it. the topic was always brought up by either you or yunjin when you were over, but was always deflected by the girl.

you groaned, making yourself comfortable on her linen couch. there was a barely noticeable stain in the corner where yunjin had spilled her buldak noodles, to which she apologized profusely and brought over a dozen cleaning products to get rid of it.

safe to say, it was successful, since she, for some reason, already had these products in her car and rushed over to get them.

the three of you were the only ones who knew about the stain. oftentimes you'd forget it was there, but the initial sight of it would crawl out from the back of your mind.

"at least i didn't come back empty-handed. i got you one of those overpriced parfaits from the café down the block," you picked at a stray hangnail, staring at the view of the foliage outside of the window.

kazuha rolled her eyes, suppressing a grin but ultimately failing. she made her way over to you with the parfait, moving your legs so she could sit down. a contented sigh made its way out her mouth after she took the first bite.

her hand reached for the tv remote, pressing the power button and switching to a certain hdmi channel. "i know what would cheer you up."

she reached over to press another button on an old, white console, then pulling out two rectangular controllers. it took a while, but soon you could hear the fan of the wii roar to life and see the familiar opening display on the tv.

it didn't take you long to realize your teammate's intention in booting up the wii. your eyes widened in horror as you watched kazuha push the small coffee table to a corner and select the top left channel which showed the wonders of hell, and your worst fear: just dance 4.

"zuha, you can't be serious."

the girl only hummed and took her last bite of the parfait, which disappeared within seconds. jesus, sometimes you forgot she was practically a vacuum when it came to food.

now, you had no way out of this; you were only able to whine when you got handed the controller, and only able to watch while kazuha scrolled to what was arguably one of the hardest songs: disturbia. and as much as you admired rihanna you could not do this without cracking your hips at least once.

➤➤ fast forward

kazuha struck the final pose without breaking a sweat—completely opposite of you: collapsed against the front of the couch, still fighting your demons after an exhausting four minutes.

the outro of the song, despite having faded away for a few moments, echoed in your head like a haunting wail. your t-shirt was disgustingly drenched in sweat, and you might've passed out if not for the glass of pity-water handed to you by the outdo-er.

"i'm pooped," you groaned, covering your eyes with your arm. kazuha giggled and took a seat next to you, ruffling your already unkempt hair with a free hand. her other hand was holding a glass of water for herself.

"that couldn't have been worse than coach kang's laps. you play center, yet queen rihanna gets you sweating more than a game against our rival school."

"leave me alone," you whined, dragging out the 'e' at the end. "i just got fought with a baby cheetah."

kazuha made a teasing 'oooh' sound, wiggling her eyebrows and making you push her by the shoulder. "you even have a nickname for her?"

"piss off, nakamura," you pinched your the bridge of your nose, "but seriously, that shit drained me. both disturbia and kim chaewon. i just don't understand why she started doing the opposite of what she used to."

"hmm."

"i mean, the look on her face at some point—it was different, unreadable. i couldn't tell what she was feeling. she said i couldn't be grateful for her nice behavior, but is it really my fault? am i the asshole here? ...hey, are you listening?" you blew a strand of hair out of your face, turning to look at kazuha who was rubbing her chin like some sort of psychic.

she scrunched up her eyebrows and cracked her knuckles, hesitating before clearing her throat. "you probably won't believe me, but..."

"but what?" you wrapped your arms around your knees, bringing them closer so you could rest your chin on them.

the other girl sighed and stretched her legs out. "okay, wait. when did this start?"

"after i told her i was planning on switching dorms... wait."

that's right. chaewon had started acting strange the day after she barged into your room, but you had only started noticing two days after, coming home from the gym and needing something you had left in the bathroom.

(the shorter girl came out immediately after you knocked and requested for her to hurry it up. you were faced with a chaewon with her hair still dripping wet and a baby blue bathrobe wrapped around her torso, bringing an involuntary blush to your cheeks. to your surprise, she merely nodded at you and walked into her room without a word.)

"was she trying to make amends...? or convince me to stay?"

"you might want to ask her yourself, y/n."

and as if on cue, your phone buzzed several times in succession. blindly reaching for the device on top of the couch, you squinted through the bright wallpaper to see over 20 notifications from your roommate.

'31 missed calls and 50+ unread messages from kim chaewon.'

you frantically grabbed your keys and scrambled to your feet, ignoring the soreness in your muscles from the earlier dancing session. it was damn near midnight. kazuha stood up to open the door for you, and you thanked her and left in a rush.

you had to go home.

but by the time the adrenaline rush wore off and you'd let yourself into the dorm, your legs had given out and you passed out against the door.

falling, falling, falling.

there were cats falling with you, into the void. there was no start, and thus there was no end. you were only able to look up, seeing countless cats coming out of nowhere and not making a sound.

while you loved cats, there was no reason they should be falling into, well, nothing. then you saw a figure diving towards you with their hand out. you instinctively reached out for them, their face slowly getting clearer as they inched closer.

your hands met. they locked their fingers with yours, and slowly pulled you up with them. there seemed to have been a portal opened up at the "start".

the figure brought you to the portal, making the two of you float just below it. they leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek, and flashed a smile.

and just for a moment, they donned the appearance of your darling roommate.

it smelled like coffee.

you didn't remember moving to the couch. your blanket was draped over you and the stupid pinkie pie plush was tucked in with you, and your muscles were extremely sore.

remnants of the night prior flashed in your mind, and you rubbed your eyes. what happened?

chaewon walked to the door, slipping her sneakers on and leaning over the couch to peek at you. not realizing you were awake, she jumped back with a yelp.

"i... i made you coffee and some pancakes for you. they're on the, um. counter. bye—"

you desperately stopped her by the wrist, half-kneeling on the couch. "thank you, can we talk? when you get back?"

the shorter girl had a look of uncertainty in her eyes, but ultimately nodded. the door shut quietly behind her, leaving you alone in the dorm.

reluctantly, you stepped off the couch to go check the breakfast she made you. the faint aroma of the sweets intensified as you got closer to the kitchen, bringing your mood down.

the plate was covered by a paper towel, and on top of it had a hello kitty themed sticky note.

"y/n,

i'm sorry for yesterday. i want to talk later, if that's ok. also, the butter is in the top left of the fridge and i left the maple syrup on the counter.

- chaewon"

you chuckled, releasing a breath you didn't know you were holding in.

this wasn't what you were expecting to wake up to.

you sat across from chaewon at the dining table, both of you waiting for the other to start. you had woken up just before noon, went to the one class that you had today and returned to the dorms after grabbing a few snacks from the convenience store. chaewon hadn't come home until around four, so you took it upon yourself to study in the meantime.

the jasmine tea that you poured for the two of you was steaming hot, releasing clouds of translucency up into the hanging ceiling light above.

"i'm—"

"so—"

you cleared your throat, gesturing towards your roommate as a sign for her to continue. she traced the rim of the ceramic and bit her lip.

"i'm sorry," she started, "i know my behavior as of recently is conflicting."

"it is," you frowned, "but continue."

chaewon lifted the teacup to her lips, sipping slowly. the clink of the coaster resounded throughout the entire dorm. "we've fought for as long as i remember. and we became roommates, and we fell into a routine. it's normal for us to be petty."

it was normal for you to be petty with chaewon. it was like breathing air, drinking water. no matter where you were, as long as she was there then you would hate each other to the ends of the earth.

"when you... suggested a change in that routine, i panicked. i didn't want to get rid of what was normal."

it was a more than a few months into the year. what you and chaewon had built was unmistakably a routine. one that was part of your everyday life, but one that you could not see yourself without. it didn't start at the beginning of the year, but on the day that you had beaten her in a race.

the look on her face was one you couldn't forget. eight-year-old chaewon looked close to tears before she ran away and stole your juicebox the next day. and it transformed into something else, and something more, and whatever was going on now.

you took a moment to appreciate the floral scent of the tea and sipped from your own cup. "i'm sorry too."

"even though it's kind of our brand, i shouldn't have blown up at you like that. i mean," you sighed, "you were going out of your way to be nice.

chaewon took another sip. meeting your eyes with a softened gaze. "so i guess this means truce?"

you smiled. "truce. but i am curious..."

"about what?"

"i know that wasn't the only reason you didn't want me to switch dorms. tell me the other reason."

the girl gulped, averting her eyes. her mind trailed back to a conversation she had just earlier, during a meal she had with sakura in between classes.

("well, she has a point. why don't you want to switch? you know i wouldn't mind, rooming with jennifer sucks," the older girl stated, lifting a few strands of ramen noodles with her chopsticks.

chaewon frowned, taking a bite of a small piece of karaage. she had finished her own bowl of ramen a few seconds ago. "you call her jennifer now? also, i don't know. i just feel bad for what i did, even though it was mutual. i didn't want to lose that familiarity."

"and?"

"and, it's because she's been a part of my life since forever, whether i like it or not."

sakura huffed, slurping up the last of her ramen and setting her chopsticks on top of the bowl. "uh huh. but that doesn't explain why you spent thirty minutes trying to carry her to the couch, brought the one blanket that you don't let anyone touch, not even me or eunchae when she comes over."

"and on top of that, you tucked her in with a my little pony plushie. and then proceeded to make breakfast and coffee for her, without making any for yourself. that's why you're making me pay for your ramen."

the younger girl was taken aback, rendered speechless. she knew what she did, but hearing it out of someone else's mouth was humbling.

the japanese crossed her legs and clasped her fingers together. "you know what you haven't realized, but almost everyone else has?"

"what?")

"i'm in love with you."

you yawned, taking a sip of coffee and stepping out from the kitchenette in your shared dorm with yunjin. the blonde was sitting on the couch with her notebook in hand, probably thinking of lyrics for her next song. after performing at a local festival, you and a few others urged her to continue her music career, and now she was taking the advice seriously.

she seemed to have noticed your presence, turning around and grinning. "hey. your girlfriend's waiting for you outside. are you going out again today?"

you coughed, "chaewon is not my girlfriend! and yeah, i'm taking her to that nice restaurant by the beach, the one that our team went to last time."

"she's not your girlfriend as of right now. how long are you going to make her wait?" yunjin stood up, walking you to the entryway and tossing you your keys, which you caught and tucked into the pocket of your basketball shorts. it was almost summer, only the beginning of june, but it was already impossibly hot.

checking your other pocket for your wallet, you slipped on your sneakers. "i don't know. maybe until the end of today. or maybe next month."

the taller girl sighed, glancing at you worriedly. "maybe you just need a day to reflect on yourself."

you reached for the doorknob. "maybe."

a/n : this is an apology for scrapping the other chaewon fic i had 😁 also crazy drops soon and the chorus has been stuck in my head??

[aniseya]

i kinda have a feeling that mae is gonna die sooner than later. maybe sacrificing herself to save osha and accepting the light and dark of the force, and whether she is one again with osha idek. i would say that would be a disservice to her character outside of her sister, but with the way the series keeps pushing for everyone being more interested in/revolved around osha than mae. like think about it, there’s not one character in the series that has chosen mae over osha, except for maybe koril, but even that’s a generous guess, which could maybe come into play but idk if they intend for mae to turn to the light or just go rogue after the finale, if she survives.

even then, i feel like the title of the series is an indicator that the main out of the twins was always meant to osha, or that only one could be the acolyte (which has been confirmed by leslye to essentially be osha since qimir is her true master). and with recent events showing characters constantly pine for osha to be around them whereas mae is only presented as second-fiddle, i feel like she’ll either die for osha or perhaps find koril and just fuck off somewhere else to decide whether revenge or togetherness is the path they wish to choose anymore. but idk, while i love oshamir, i had hoped that mae would get an equal share of affection and someone finally choosing her in sol’s character, but the flashback really just suggests everyone has had a preference for osha after meeting her. as a character in her own right, mae really deserves better if she truly is osha’s other half of her soul.

i almost do not know for sure how true osha and mae being two halves of the same strong force is. because while the jedi have said they are exactly the same, the series both metaphorically and literally is saying otherwise. osha’s strength to draw people in and alert people to her presence seems to be stronger than mae’s. qimir was able to pick up on osha being different force-wise and he instantly wanted her, and sol’s desire for her to be his padawan caused him to commit the crime on brendok in the first place.

i am just confused as to what they’re going to reveal about the twins that explains why osha seems to be the one people want and the one with the seemingly strongest force, while mae does not. maybe mae is a really really specialized clone and not the same soul, or was split after osha was created as the first true “being”? idek.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Velvette Redesign! (2/3)

Prev: Vox Redesign (1/3)

Im madly in love with her, I am so happy with her design🩷🩷

I cannot take all the credit for the outfit though, my friend helped me pick out the style and accessories, I just did her hair and picked the colours! It was really hard to actually settle on one thing to show Velvette, I never draw her in the same outfit or with the same hair, so picking a singular outfit and hairstyle as her main was a big commitment, felt like I was buying my first house

Anyone that just flattens and straightens Velvette’s hair is seriously missing out on so many fun hairstyles I have literally never drawn her with the same hairstyle ever. Textured hair is so fun I will die before I stop playing with her hair!! She is a fashion doll it’s the whole point !!!!

I wanted her to be a sharper contrast to Vox’s harsh-ish symmetry he has going on. The Vee’s are still not good people in this rewrite obviously. They’re not as dogshit as they are in the show but they still actively do terrible things. Velvette still verbally abuses her employees and enjoys seeing other people’s downfall or seeing them scared and under her control; she just doesn’t make a fucking date rape drug. I still have no idea why Vivzie is so set on making all of them connected to rape in some way it’s fucking disgusting to me. Anyway, I want Velvette to look very fun and unassuming in comparison to the other two where you can kind of tell there’s something up with both of them. Vox is very stern looking and Valentino is… like that. You’ll see. She is arguably the most approachable out of the Vee’s but is still just as manipulative as the other two when she wants to be.

Her hair is very cute and the theme of hearts around her style unintentionally makes Vox the only one out of them that doesn’t have a heart motif. I mean— unless you count his medical alert bracelet, but that’s not really… a fashion statement.

I love studded belts and all that and purses and bedazzled jeans and platforms so this design really has it all for me. The playboy bunny thing is supposed to be painted on btw, she’s not just super tanned I promise. The same ideas for her colours with her clothes still remain from my last post about Velvettes design.

Onto her backstory! This was all graciously written by my friend so please give him a big thank you for it or I probably would’ve died🩷

March 2nd 1974, Velvette grew up in a mostly stable household. She went to school, got what she wanted, made friends, grew up, passed her GCSE’s and so forth. She did a course in design and beauty, and eventually made her way up to be a fashion designer. That being said, Velvette was always someone with an attitude. She didn't enjoy the amount of fights she got in, but it naturally occurred. Her grades were fairly good enough though— B’s and C’s. Each day of her life she enjoyed what she did, and heavily adored the attention she got for her beauty. Her creative side was what she preferred, much rather than showing off her looks. She was deemed to be the best employee and got multiple raises in payment as she worked her way up the power—pyramid in the company she worked for.

But that being said, what she received was unfair to other workers. Nepotism was a huge part of her promotions and rise in payment. Her friend who she knew was the owner, and that only paved routes for short-cuts. As long as she was able to keep everybody hush-quiet, she’d always have her way. She always would benefit, and she’d always be the best.

Velvette was aware of her misdeeds. At one point, illegal means crossed her mind, like stealing other people’s work and accusing them of serious things that got them fired. The owner would never bat an eye, and everyone was conscious of how nobody was truly safe. It was like her friend was obsessed with her to be the one who came out victorious, and by even the slightest chance she was in any way suspicious, it was blatantly ignored. There were also reports of people dying if they spoke out about the company, however those were only confirmed as rumours.

Never did she plan to stop. She’d come so far, and had become successful in what she dreamed of. Her care amounted to nothing if there was something to gain. All throughout her life, she was a troubled person with a great intelligence— which is why she was able to exploit so many people and get away with it. People called her the ‘vile jasmine’ of the world. People were afraid to step into work and see her, because one day, they were certain they’d be her next target.

July 25th 2005. Her final few minutes of her life. Velvette was a fashion designer, and could sew pretty well. It’s not like she had TERRIBLE ideas, she just took pleasure in stealing and having other’s wince at their misfortune. But alas, Velvette was known for her interest in dolls. She could design outfits for them, without having an audience to watch and judge. A display stood behind her desk of many different dolls, and she had just ordered some materials that were waiting for her to come pick them up. It was at that moment, when she closed her front door, that fate was sealed.

A serial killer had been roaming the streets of her city. No one knew who, or where, but he had definitely not left. With flip phones being the new way to communicate easier, Velvette had been texting with the buyer and talking about the perfect dates to meet up. As she was waiting in her room that Monday, the confirmation to go had excited her. She drove to the destination, and knocked on the door with a falsified smile. If only she had stepped a couple steps back after knocking— perhaps she would’ve survived.

Appearing in hell was overwhelming, as much as it was satisfying. She was dead, yet somehow alive. As she looked at her hands, she discovered skin was not present. Pure silicone… and tattered clothing. From there, she decided she’d start again… and work her way up within four years until she was noticed and recruited by two other sinners whose name coincidentally began with the letter V.

She met Vox and Valentino in 2009, and from there, they grouped together and planned to dominate hell itself.

Key facts

Velvette is biologically still 31, however if you were to count hell, she’d be 49.

She hasn't gone through any abuse, she is no victim, she’s just a morally wrong character.

Does not care for her employees health or anything, and will only be nice if she is able to benefit.

Could be considered a sadist in some form.

HURRAY!!!!! This is the last enjoyable one of the Vee’s you’re getting considering he’s next. Also the last guaranteed redesign at the moment! I love joint efforts like this and I hope you all can enjoy it as well🩷

[peachyfnaf]

haven't exactly watched the show in over a month but hearing what's going on. It's like everyone in it wants to ignore moon's health, plus fans just acting like he should die because of this.

he needs help first and foremost. not like a second death

FOR REAL- THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT'S HAPPENING. EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG AND NOT IN A FUN WAY, NOT ANYMORE. Not to mention that ever since his hallucination of Solar, Moon has been acting so incredibly out of character it's legit frustrating me. Hell, everyone's been out of character. He would not fucking say that. She would not fucking say that. None of them would fucking say that.

Imma use this ask as an excuse to rant about things that are making me Peeved now lmao.

First off, HERE'S THE THING, some people want this version of Moon to die rn? That, I get. I understand. Because this Moon fucking sucks. This Moon is so out of character compared to the one from like a month ago. He's acting like a villain about to twirl his damn oily mustache all like "I need to kill Ruin and Bloodmoon muahaha!1!". WHICH I COULD JUSTIFY IF HE WAS DOING IT FOR THE SAKE OF HIS FAMILY/DUE TO SHITTY MENTAL HEALTH. BUT NO. HE'S DOING IT OUT OF PRIDE AND THE SELFISH WANT FOR DEATH. HE'S NOT EVEN DOING IT FOR SOLAR ANYMORE.

And that just makes NO FUCKING SENSE because not only was New Moon's whole thing that he was going to be better, literally THE ONLY THING OLD MOON WANTED HIM TO DO WAS TO KEEP THE FAMILY SAFE AND HAPPY. AND NEW MOON IS DOING THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THAT. I'm so upset rn jdkfhdsf

And then not to mention the way the other's are treating him- Sun is off my shitlist as of today due to the crisis he's having because, for some reason, the choice to whether or not we're killing New Moon is solely in his hands??? Wack. But. Earth and Lunar. Earth and Lunar. I'm not favorable to them right now at all. Earth, according to her, is supposed to be good at reading/understanding people, if not a "therapist". She should understand that Moon said what he said out of a place of fear, anger, ect. Not from his heart. She has every right for it to have hurt her, but for her to basically disown him? Also wack. The only thing I like about her rn is how she seemingly crushed Bm like a bug lmao. And Lunar? God, Lunar was just so unnecessarily bitchy to Moon in that one ""heart to heart"" episode. That "Fuck him!" pissed me off so very much. Dude, that is your brother who is going into a mental spiral over the death of someone he loved. That is your brother. Wack as hell.

AND not to MENTION everything going on w/ Monty- I literally love them 90% of the time but them deciding to NOT LISTEN TO PUPPET when she told them to NOT RESCUE EARTH ALONE literally made me sigh in frustration/disappointment. That is the one thing, the ONE THING she told them not to do. And Monty did it anyways. And Puppet is a MULTIDIMENSIONAL BEING WITH POWERS/ABILITIES/MAGIC FAR BEYOND ANYTHING MONTY COULD UNDERSTAND, AND THE ONLY THING SHE ASKED FOR MONTY TO DO, WAS FOR MONTY TO TRUST HER. And they Didn't. They didn't trust her, and they went alone, and now they're paying the price. Sighs.

No one is talking to each other. There's too much happening at once, aka the story is so bloated. This arc simultaneously feels too rushed and too slow. I'm so fucking salty. And now I'm gonna go eat food and draw sdkfjhds

[redriotinggg]

I need anyone who genuinely dislikes Usopp to take a long look in the mirror because yeah, he can be a bit annoying at times but he is honestly a good and interesting character!!

He is just as loyal as any other member of the crew and fights the strongest when he’s fighting on someone else’s behalf. (See: him fighting for Sanji in Skypeia, fighting for Robin at Eneis Lobby, fighting for Luffy in Dressrosa, fighting for Tama and Nami in Wano.) He is a major player in so many of the battles in the series that it baffles me that people can think of him as an unimportant member of the crew.

And Usopp is a fucking genius??? Hello???? He’s able to make weapons powerful enough to create storms and tornadoes. He is canonically a jack-of-all trades that supports the crew in their daily lives and in battle. The Going Merry only lasted as long as she did because Usopp was around to care for her. He was the only one to see her Klabauterman!! Usopp is not only creative and fun but is able to bring those creations to life, whether it be his drawings or his gadgets, and I think that’s so beautiful. I miss pre-TS because of all his inventions we got to see.

Let’s not forget that Usopp is so, so kind!! He made friends with the kids in his village and told stories to Kaya to help her feel better when she was ill. He fought to protect her and Syrup Village from Kuro. Personally, I will never get over filler ep on Fireworks Island (ep. 134) where he cheered up Kodoma and encouraged her to continue her pyrotechnics, assuring that her parents were proud of her. Knowing he also lost his parents at a young age makes the scene hit that much harder. (And again, he showed his genius by figuring out a way to launch the firework that killed Kodoma’s parents!!) It may not be canon to the manga but but I think that episode is super accurate to his character.

What I think makes him the most interesting is that we see his flaws and mistakes more than any of the other Straw Hats. We see his insecurities in Water 7 and his fear in Dressrosa. But we also see him growing and learning and being encouraged by his crewmates. Aside from Robin, I think Usopp has changed and grown the most out of the Straw Hats. With his goal to become a brave warrior of the sea he has so much potential for even more growth!!

Like I said earlier, some people think Usopp is annoying which he can be sometimes, but that’s also because he’s literally comic relief. And he does so well at it bc he’s actually so damn funny?? He makes me laugh out loud all the time. One Piece wouldn’t be even half as funny without Usopp.

I also appreciate that as an individual he has so many moments with the other Straw Hats. There are a lot of relationships that don’t get explored as much as we’d like, but I think we get to see Usopp’s friendships with the crew pretty often. He fights for Luffy, plays around with Chopper, teases Zoro, is teased by Robin, gossips with Nami, hangs around Sanji, and his whole relationship with Franky has so many layers to it.

Aaahh, I have so many hopes for Usopp in the series that I pray will be fulfilled!! I want him to have a badass arc in Elbaf full of character growth. I want to see him develop and continue to use his Haki (which he gained when trying to save Luffy are you KIDDING me). I want his reunion with Yasopp to be emotional and bittersweet. If he could personally beat Yasopp in a fight I would ascend to the heavens.

Usopp is such an important, complex, and interesting character and I absolutely hate to see him reduced to being a gag character or the weakest member of the Straw Hats. He may not be a monster but he is amazing and I love him.

TLDR; if you disrespect Usopp I wish you a very Die.

[blackdragoness]

⛽GASING YOU UP, BABY⛽

YALL NOT READY FOR ALL DIS' GASSSSS. Lemme gasssss yo lil fat head up, okayyyy. This PICK-A-PILE is for you!

"somebody call 911, shawty fiyah burnin' on da dance floor." -sean kingston

Pile 1 -

Pile 2 -

Pile 3 -

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Pile 1: Show Stunnah 🌻

Overall Tarot Card: The Devil 😈

Channelled Song: Pretty Girl Rock by Keri Hilson

⛽ The gasssss on you is....⛽

🚨🚨ALARMS GOING OFF. YOU SHUTTING THIS SHIT DOWNNNN. LESSSGOOOO 🚨🚨

First of all, you muthafucka's is FINE as hell! I'm talking about FOIIINNEEEE as hell. Body on fleek, face card never declines. As soon as you walk into the room, all eyes are on you and all your competition starts to die a little inside 😂 You are the talk of the town, the talk of every circle, babbyyy 🤤 But y'all been knew dat, 😏

"BEEN that bitch, still that bitch" - Megan The Stallion

Natural beauty with the confidence to match

Confidence of a lion(ess)

Honestly, physically, you got it muthafuckin' going on dawg, what the fuckkkkk. Out of all the piles, this one wins in the Looks Department LOL sorry to the other piles

I'm seeing a face that is so fucking beautiful and angelic. Forever youthful.

Your beauty never dies and it never ages.

I have this huge urge to gasp in awe! You make people gasp with your beauty, ermagerrrdddd this is too cute! I feel like I'm melting in your presence 🫠. It's like everytime people see you in person, you take their breathe away and all they can do is gasp in awe at your undeniable beauty 😂😂😂 it's so fucking corny bro, but damn. That was a channelled message for someone's fine ass out there. You got it like that Mami/Papi, *snap snap snap*

A literal fucking goddess/god. Like you make men want to turn all romantic and old school, writing poems and singing outside your window in the middle of a full moon & shiiit. Or for my men, you make a girl wanna break all her rules and go buck wild for you!!! Like this shit crazzzyyy!! But this is what you be doing to these people lmaoooo!

I'm sure you're a great person on the inside and all, but there is so much emphasis on your physique that I apologize if you feel exploited right now 😂😂 and tbh, you might know the effects your body causes on people so you might be a person with strong boundaries. But damn Papi, what dat body do? 😏

With the devil card crowning your reading, people are OBSESSED WITH YOU!!! Bitch, who tf are you? Why is everyone so fucking obsessed with yo ass!? Lmao

"I can do bad all by myself." You're very independent but you may have many friends too.

Imma just say it flat out: YOU GOT THAT GOOD WAP BABYYYYYY. THAT GOOD WOOD, ya know what I'm sayin' 😂 rumor has it, you can fucking werkkkk it. You got people THIRSTY AF out here, mayneee. Chilllllllll.

You got this hella chill vibe to you though. Like laid-back. Relaxed. Not about the shits or the drama. People can try to ruffle your feathers to get any type of reaction out of you but you stay unbothered AF and that's what draws them nearer to you.

You have a gift for social interactions. Most people have social anxiety but you maneuver and work the room with ease and calmness. It's very admirable.

So many people want to marry you dude, I'm not even kidding. But I'm sensing that you are just focused on yourself and your goals. Relationship isn't a priority in your life right now. But that also is what turns the thirst factor UP when it comes to you.

SEXY, SEXY, SEXY, SEXY, SEXXXXX-Y.

Rich girl, city girl, material gworl vibes

"You always got dem eyes on you" - people love to watch you and stare at you. Sometimes people zone out in conversation with you because your beauty distracts them 😂 you could be talking to them in perfect pronunciation and speed but they won't hear a damn thing you said lol I guess your beauty is deafening too 😂

As beautiful and as sexy as you are, you also have a tender kindness when you interact with anybody. Your beauty shines both inside and out and that's why you are the mf GOAT.

You turn heads every where you go. You got bitches jealous wishing they was you. Ermahgerrrddd, I'm getting a rush of energy from tons of people who fantasize about what it would be like if they had your life. Honestly, that sounds like I'm over hyping y'all, but it's the truth lol. Maybe knowing this information will help you see the beauty of your own life and appreciate it for what it is. Because from folks looking on the outside into your life, they would literally trade spots with you in a heartbeat. Heck, they are already doing it in their daydreams. Recognize that YOU ARE THAT BITCH.

You may come from a great family life. Or people think you come from a super good looking family judging based off of your looks alone lol

A lot of people want to be tied to you in some way. People feel that being connected to you gives them "brownie points" in popularity 😂😂 some people may try to befriend you for clout. I'm not even getting social media vibes, although y'all may be big on social media too. But I'm sensing like real life clout, which is ten times better than social media clout, ya feel me. It's almost like knowing you in real life makes people feel more important in real life.

Y'all are the IT GIRL/ IT BOY. Everyone wanna be you, do the things you do, talk like you, walk like you, fucking everyfannnggg!!! I cannot with y'all. You guys are unreal but thats why we are so fucking obsessed with you, booo. Keep doing you and keep being you 🌻

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Pile 2 - Cutie Pie 🥧

Overall Tarot Card: Ace of Cups

Channelled Song: My Bestie by Lloyd ft Sevyn

⛽ The gasssss on you is.....⛽

🍯🍯CUTENESS OVERLOAD!!!!!!! YOU ARE THE CUTEST FUCKING THING EVER 🍯🍯

Everyone wants to hug you, squeeze you, love on you. Stick you in their pocket and take you home. This vibe is so mushy and gooey!

Everybody's little sister. You provoke a very protective spirit in those around you and those close to you. You are looked at as something that needs to be protected at all costs.

I dunno what it is about you but people will go to bat for you no matter the situation or the time. If ever you are in trouble, you have a whole gang of people who you can count on to drop what they are doing and prioritize you. Even if they are pissed off at you, they would lay their differences to the side and come to your rescue.

You make people feel very emotional when it comes to even just the thought of you. You are so special to people I don't think you realize that!

You are that person in people's lives that they cannot imagine ever losing. Like an angel in disguise who needs to be protected from this cruel world.

You attract friends like flies!!!!! This pile is SOOOOOOO popular and you don't even have to try. You could actually be a more introverted and reserved person but constantly have a crowd of people with you.

Sooooo warm and soft. Feels like I'm sinking in an ocean of really warm honey. That's how you make people feel.

People LOVE hugging you, cuddling you, and feeling you. Your presence is very calming and motherly.

You have great motherly instincts and people trust you with their children and animals. Kids might naturally flock to you and easily trust you because of your kind nature.

You may only consider a small group of people as friends but there are so many people who consider you as one of their best friends. You may make some friends jealous because they envisioned some type of exclusive friendship with you. However, a lot of people need you in their life and so that's something they need to come to terms with.

A lot of people feel like they can confide in you with confidential matters, knowing it will be kept safe. You also give really great advice that helps people progress further on their life path.

You are a very necessary presence in many peoples life stories. If every human soul had a book about their life, there would be at least one chapter about you in multiple life books. While most people are only focused on writing their own book, they are scarcely mentioned in other stories. But you, you are very necessary in the development of other people's life journeys. Like you make an impact on their story for the better. Wowwwww. I can only imagine that this role comes with a lot of positive karma for you and your generations to come.

You beautify every place you enter, every floor you walk on, and every person you meet. You are a contagious ray of light that shines everywhere you go even in the darkest of places.

You very rarely compete or get jealous of people and that's why many consider you to be their best friend. They feel completely free to be themselves around you with no judgement, guilt or shame.

You are unapologetically yourself and it's a big turn on for the opposite sex.

Many people wish they could possess your unapologetic nature but they are realizing it is a lot harder to mimic than they thought.

"I walk like this cuz I can back it up. I got a big ego" -Beyonce

You been through a lot and it shows through how sweet and caring you are. And because you put out that energy, people wanna love you the same way in return.

You really tug at people's heart strings when they think of you. I'm hearing "a heart of gold and titanium". So valuable and indestructible.

You have been placed on this throne by a lot of people. Very very respected and admired. I'm hearing you proved yourself. Your true colors shown and they worked in your favor.

An example for others to follow

A true royal

SELF-CONTROL, SELF-CONTROL, SELF-CONTROL. You have so much self control and people are both envious and admiring that trait of yours. "The one with the most control over themselves is the one with the most power in the room."

You might be a very adaptable person. You literally can chop it up with anybody you want! No personality is too hard for you to adapt to.

You have such a knack for resolving conflict. You can de-escalate any situation with your soft spoken voice and level-headedness. Things always run smoother when you are around.

People take you seriously and really listen when you speak. You may not vocalize your opinions as often as others, but when you finally do, it shocks people, so they listen.

A deep well of wisdom.

Honorable. Highly respected. Highly trusted.

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Pile 3 - LEGEND ⚜️

Overall Tarot Card: 8 of Pentacles

Channelled Song: One Call Away by Bina Butta

⛽ The gasssss on you is.....⛽

🥶🥶 YOU OUT HERE GIVING US THE SHIVERS WITH YO ICY FINE ASS 🥶🥶

BOSS BITCHHHHH. I see you focused on that bag and getting that bag!!! If you chose this pile, YOU LOOK LIKE MONEY, HUNNY 🤑

"came through drippin *drip drip*"

You are a hard ass worker. I'm getting strong energy coming from the workplace you work at. You got a lot of people dumbfounded at your work ethic. For some reason, I'm getting that they didn't think you were going to be the type of worker that you are.

You may be known as someone who bosses up every time you experience a hardship in life. It's actually pretty phenomenal to watch.

Phoenix rising from the ashes.

You are that one character in a movie story that never dies 😂 it's like no matter how many battles you fight, you never fucking die lol it's annoying to your haters but so inspiring to those who witness this inner strength of yours.

You are a LEGEND! Some people think that your life experiences are too good to be true. But they just ain't ever met nobody like you before thats why. I'm hearing that behind your back people try to investigate the validity of your story just to be humbled when they find witnesses who retell the same story.

People want to know the depths of your life experience. I'm getting that people view you kind of like Indiana Jones who is well travelled with many stories and adventures to tell for many days.

You inspire people to think outside of the box. To want more for themselves and be open to newer opportunities that can make them feel free and alive again. You make them want to explore life again.

You walk around like a large ball of life force energy. Anything within a 5 foot radius of you starts to be influenced by your vibration.

A lot of people speak about you!!! A lot of people have your name in their mouth. It's very positive though. I'm hearing a lot of praise, chanting your name. Celebrating you!

I sense you might be hermit mode or really just focusing on yourself. People can see the changes that are happening through your physical appearance . Your hardwork and focus shines through your countenance.

You have a lot more people who support and love you. Im feeling that for this pile, the support isn't as apparent as it was for Group 2. I'm feeling like this pile stands alone with lots of silent supporters. Something about you being very intimidating or being closed off to a connection is what's blocking people from showing their support but it's like they understand why you are closed off and respect your boundaries.

People feel like you are going very far in life and will hit it big in the future. They want to see you win and are silently watching until then.

The way you carry yourself is top notch alpha type vibes. Specifically for my feminines, this is so sexy about you. You carry this masculine energy in such a sexy feminine way it intimidates and submits even the strongest of men. Very BAWS BOSS like.

RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 🦁

BOSS, BOSS, BOSS, BAWSSSYYYYYY

"Dat ass, dat ass, dat ass, dat ass" 🤨🤨okaaayyyy, someone clearly has a nice juicy ass that needs to be pointed out 🤷🏾‍♀️

You must have a very strong presence in your work place because the energy keeps taking me to a work environment. Either that or you think about work all the time 😂 you really are such an independent woman. Some may call it hyper independent but do you honey. Set the standard as high as you want. Don't let their intimidated ass opinion shrink you 😉

Maybe you own a lot of businesses or aspire to own your own business. People see the potential for you. But I'm getting indecisive energy. You are probably really talented at SOOO many things and are weighing out your options. However, you know that once you have made your decision, there is no stopping you from reaching the top. Everyone else knows it too and that's why they are silently watching you.

You are a rare human. You have an imagination that is so active. Anything you imagine, you create in this world. You were probably a very imaginative kid and highly active. With how hard you work coupled with your crazy active imagination, you actually have the power to manifest whatever you want into existence. Maybe you are aware of that. Maybe you aren't. But channelling this energy feels very magnetic and strong. Keep your imaginations alive. Keep your dreams alive. Chase them.

People wonder how you gained such a bright imagination. They wish they could have that light that you have. You heal a lot of people's inner child by giving them experiences to exercise their imagination. Maybe you enjoy conversations about the trendy things from people's childhoods or you like to talk about the future a lot. You spark creativity and imagination for people and it gives them motivation for life again.

You lead by example. Lots of people are out here running they mouth but you stay steady on your grind proving your worth through your life.

You have silent supporters because you are a silent leader. You don't do much talking. You just do the damn thing and later on people find out what you did and are completely shocked.

You are a bombshell. Not only do you look great but you're like a ticking time bomb in people's minds. You constantly have people stewing over you and then boom, you do something that blows everybody's minds lol. I like this vibe. Very spontaneous and fun to be around

[iikatsukii]

illicit love pt.2

synopsis: lo’ak sully is, in fact, in love. 

pairings: lo’ak sully x femhuman!reader

warnings: spider slander. idc idc. slight nudity mentions (its reader bathing pls guys nothing spicy) um minor violence i think, and that’s it, enjoy :) 

word count: 5.1k

a/n: i literally love how this came out. idc this might be my fav series. I'M ALR BRAINING IDEAS FOR PT. 3!!!!

taglist: @neteyamforlife @fanboyluvr @holysaladapricothero @saltedcoffeescotch @cleverzonkwombatsludge @dazecrea

pt. 1

the sully children were out exploring the forest when spider heard a noise. he stopped walking and tried to listen harder, which only caused the others to stop. 

"what do you hear now monkey boy?" kiri called out to him, laughing at the boy who looked stupid just standing there trying to strain his ears to hear more.

"shut up and listen," he said. his tone caused the others to look at him, confused, but they still listened to him. and then they heard it. the sound of something running. neteyam was able to locate where the noise was coming from. they all looked over the edge of the high ground they were standing on and saw what looked like a human.

"is that a skywalker?" kiri whispered.

"definitely. she looks like spider." lo'ak said, laughing at his own joke.

"okay, you know what? she looks nothing like me, lo'ak! that's like saying all humans look the same. you don't hear me walking around saying all na'vi look the same now, do you?" spider tried to defend himself.

"actually, you used to ask me if neteyam and i were twins all the time when we were younger," the na'vi boy argued.

"we were kids!" spider yelled.

"shhhh," neteyam shushed the two boys who were arguing. he didn't want them to draw your attention to them.

they all pulled out their bows. quietly following the skyperson until neteyam was able to get a good shot. unluckily for him, there was a slight breeze when he released his arrow, causing it to lose its course and end up hitting the tree in front of you. of course, this caught your attention, and as soon as you noticed neteyam's figure standing in the shadows, you booked it again. 

they continued to chase you until lo'ak noticed something. there was a woodsprite tangled in the wire of your exopack. he didn't think anything of it and got ready to fire another arrow when a woodsprite fluttered into his view. 

oh shit… was all lo'ak could think. maybe it's a coincidence. but then there was another woodsprite on his hand and another on his shoulder. lo'ak groaned, putting his arrows down. there's no way it could be eywa protecting you? you're a skywalker, for crying out loud. 

rolling his eyes, lo'ak stood from where he was crouched and looked above himself. only then did he notice the stream of woodsprites flowing from above his head, directly above yours, no matter what tree you dodged or what turns you made. the sprites followed you.

you're meant for him…

now lo'ak was a little bit excited, but he was also conflicted. he was excited because he finally had someone for himself, but he was conflicted because you're human, but regardless you're his, and eywa is telling him to protect you. 

he looked over at kiri, who had her bow aimed at you. he panicked, picking up a small rock and throwing it at her arrowhead so it would knock her arrow in a different direction.  

"lo'ak?!" she yelled at him.

"stop shooting at her!!" he tried to warn her, but neteyam, the mighty warrior, just had to interrupt him. 

"lo'ak you know the rules. we see a skyperson and we kill them on sight. no hesitation," his elder brother said as he released one of his arrows before lo'ak could stop him. finally, one of landing an arrow in your arm; they watched as you stumbled but kept running. most sky people die immediately after they get hit with an arrow, so why are you still running? you were in a clearing now, which meant everyone had a clear shot of you. they noticed you were trying to book it for norm and max's lab, and they weren't about to let that happen. 

spider went to release an arrow before lo'ak used his tail to grab the boy's wrist, his arrow only scratching your calf. "lo'ak what the fuck? i had her!" he complained.

kiri was next to try and fire an arrow, but lo'ak grabbed her elbow and pulled her, causing her to lose balance. her arrow ended up scratching your cheek. she rolled her eyes and looked at her brother, "would you cut it out? mom would kill you if she found out you're defending a skyperson."

neteyam got ready to fire his last arrow. he had one shot, and he couldn't miss, but lo'ak wasn't going to allow his brother to just kill you. 

"quit shooting at her!!!" lo'ak said, messing up neteyam's shot again. he tackled his brother, both of them barreling to the ground. as expected, they started fighting each other, and since you were already out of their sight, kiri just sighed exhaustedly and asked spider to help her separate the two knuckleheads. 

"would you two stop it! lo'ak, i'm telling mom you defended a skyperson–" his sister said as she stuck her tongue out, turning around to walk home, but lo'ak grabbed her elbow again to prevent her from leaving. 

"kiri look at norm and max's shack." lo'ak said, out of breath from defending you from two of the best hunters in the village… and from spider, too, i guess. 

the female na'vi rolled her eyes for like the 10th time today, turning to look at norm and max's shack before her entire expression dropped. spider saw kiri's expression and wanted to know what happened, so he looked as well, and he had just about the same reaction. neteyam was annoyed with his brother, but he still looked at what his siblings were looking at, and what he saw was the last thing he expected. 

woodsprites were covering the entire shack. not an inch was left uncovered. everyone turned back to lo'ak, who was now also covered in woodsprites. neteyam laughed because this reminded him of when his father had told them the story of how something similar to this had happened to him. then it hit them all… this was lo'ak's mate.

the three sully siblings came tumbling into the tent. lo’ak pulled at kiri and neteyam with all his strength trying to get them away from their home because he knew exactly what they were about to do. 

"lo'ak found his mate!!!" they both screamed, even with half their bodies still out the door.

"no, i did not! do not listen to them!!" lo'ak said, sticking his head through the flap of their home. nobody knows who tripped over who, but it was only a matter of seconds before all three teens tumbled to the floor in a pile of limbs and tails. 

"lo'ak found his mate?!" tuk repeated, excited for her brother. 

"no! i didn't find my mate, tuk. neteyam and kiri are lying. you guys are lying, right?!" lo'ak used a specific tone, trying to get his siblings to understand the hint he was trying to throw their way. 

"yes he did, its a human who is hiding at norm and max's shack. we almost killed her earlier and lo'ak had to mess up all of our shots so we wouldn't. we didn't notice the woodsprites until after." neteyam just explained the situation as if he was talking about going on a casual stroll.

lo'ak had a horrified look on his face, though, because his brother not only told him that there was a skyperson on their planet but that she was his mate. lo'ak knew of his mother's hatred for humans, and he also knew that the only humans that his mother wouldn't kill were max and norm. (and spider on a good day.) you weren't on that list, meaning his mother would likely kill you.

"you bitch, why would you say anything!? mom's gonna kill her, you asshole!!" lo'ak didn't know what came over him, but he swung at his brother harder than he ever had before. neteyam fell back, blood dripping from his nose as he looked back at his brother. he saw the look in his eyes, one of possession, protection, and, most of all, fear. but not for himself. or you. 

jake pulled lo'ak away from neteyam to prevent him from punching his brother again. 

"what are you kids talking about? we know there's a skywalker at norm's shack. he came by earlier and told us. your mother isn't going to kill her, but what do you mean she's your mate." jake's grip on lo'aks arm was a little too tight for comfort, but lo'ak knew better than to struggle against him. it would only end up in jake tightening his grip even more.

"there were woodsprites flowing in between us, and when she got in norms shack, the entire lab was covered in them, and so was i." lo'ak said; there's no point in lying to his father.

there was a hiss in response to lo'ak's answer, and everyone turned to see it was neytiri. 

"i said i would not kill that skydemon, but that was before i found out about this obvious mistake that the great mother is making. i'm going to go kill her. there will be no skydemons mating with my children." she didn't give anyone time to react before grabbing her bow, arrows, and bone knife, leaving the house, and calling for her ikran.

seeing his mother leaving their home with murder in her eyes was terrifying to lo'ak, knowing that his mate was on the other side of that rage. breaking himself from his father's grip, he quickly ran to his ikran, flying back to norm and max's shack as fast as he could, seeing his mother's ikran already there and the door open. he instructs his ikran to land, wasting no time approaching the shack where he heard his mother yelling at the two scientists in their lab. 

"where is she?!" neytiri asked. "no skydemon will be my childs mate!" 

"we already told you, neytiri, she went to find a hot spring so she could bathe herself. we don't know which one she went to, we just gave her a map and she went on her way."

"what of the tracking mask that you said you would give her? did you lie?" she said, pointing her bow at norms neck.

"no! no, i wasn't lying, but we havent finished adding the tracker. we had to make one since neither max nor i need trackers, and she's a female human. they tend to be smaller then male humans so her face didn't fit any of our masks. please don't kill me." norm whimpered that last sentence, cowering away from the angry woman before him. 

lo'ak overheard norm, so he decided instead of making himself known, he would find you first. he knew where every single hot spring nearby was, so he made quick work of checking each and every one. he prayed to eywa that he got to you before his mother did. 

the fastest way to get anywhere in the forest was through the trees, so lo'ak hopped from branch to branch, tree to tree, going around to all the hot springs, looking for you. he had checked the third hot spring, disappointed again when he couldn't find you there either. there was only one other spring left for him to check, and if you weren't there, then that meant his mom got to you before he could. but he didn't want to hope for the worst, so he could only repeat one word over and over in his head as he made his way toward the last hot spring. 

'please, please, pleaseeee.'

as he gets through the branches that bring him above the last hot spring, he can't help but look around frantically. he was worried because he didn't see you, but he noticed what looked like a towel, some very small na'vi clothing, and a bottle of soap. these look like human things, but the na'vi clothing is throwing him off. he didn't need to wait long before getting his answer. there you were, emerging from underwater, your bare back facing lo'ak. the boy couldn't help but blush at the sight of you, but he got so distracted that he lost his balance, falling out of the tree and into the water, scaring the daylights out of you.

"what the hell, who are you!?" you screamed at the huge blue person who was currently standing five feet away from you while you were just trying to bathe. you tried to cover your body from the person? alien? thing? in front of you as he stood to his full height, the spring water trailing down his frame as he looked down at you nervously. 

"i'm so sorry!!! i didn't mean to! i'm not looking! i didn't see anything i swear–" the na'vi boy slapped his hand over his eyes, preventing him from seeing anything you didn't want him to see. 

although startled, you couldn't help but be drawn to the being in front of you. you felt entranced like he had put you under some spell. "can you– sorry, hello?" you called out to get his attention. he peeked between his fingers to see you covering your upper body, your waist was below the deep blue water, and lo'ak couldn't even see below the surface. 

"uh.. hi? my name is lo'ak" the male na'vi sticks his hand out as if he wasn't intruding on your bath right now.

you pushed his hand away from you, keeping one hand on your chest and your waist below the water. "what are you, and how do you know english? why can i understand you? also, can you please get out? i'm trying to bathe here." the blue boy pulled himself out of the hot spring and created some distance between the two of you so your nerves could calm down a little bit. he didn't want you to yell too much because then his mother might be able to find you.

"i already said my name is lo'ak–"

"no! what are you." you clarified your question.

"i'm na'vi– hey, you don't get to come to my planet and ask me questions, okay? i'm asking the questions here. who are you?" lo'ak wasn't really trying to argue with you. if anything, he just wanted to hear you talk more, but most of all,

he just wanted to know your name.

"it doesn't matter. can you at least please just turn around so i can finish? i'll still talk to you because i feel like you're big enough to kill me if i don't, and i don't feel like dying today so just fucking turn around." you bossed him around. nobody ever bossed lo'ak around. 

well… except his dad, and neteyam, and kiri too sometimes– you know what, that's not the point. the point is lo'ak didn't mind how you spoke to him. it mattered that you were speaking to him. he didn't know why eywa made him so lovesick so soon, but obviously, you haven't gotten the memo that the two of you are mates judging by how stand-offish you're acting. nonetheless, lo'ak turns around, sitting with his legs crisscrossed and his back facing you. little did lo'ak know, though, you kept throwing glances over your shoulder, trying to get a look at the 'na'vi' behind you.

"so, can you answer my question now, bossy pants?" 

"you did not just call me that–" you rolled your eyes, continuing to talk to the na'vi. when he created the distance between the two of you, you calmed down a lot, but you were weirded out that he just fell out of the trees and was just sitting here talking to you. you still couldn't deny the pull you felt towards him. you didn't know what force this was, but it attracted you to the na'vi in your presence. 

"well, if you don't tell me your name, then i won't be calling you anything else." lo'ak teased. he liked how natural it felt talking to you. maybe you guys really were made for each other. 

"y/n," you said, not hesitating in your actions. 

“y/n? is that an english word that you have back on your planet?" he asked, playing with the fan lizard that had landed in front of him. 

"what– no, it's my name, idiot." you corrected him. 

"oh. y/n. it sounds funny," lo'ak commented.

"hey! i didn't say you have a funny name, asshole!!"

"wow, you curse a lot," he mentioned, not meaning to offend you.

"well, i'm an angry person now. when you lose six years of your life because some assholes decided to kidnap you, then come talk to me about cursing a lot," you said while reaching for the sage and vanilla body wash that norm gave you.

lo'ak could smell it from where he was sitting. was the smell strong, or was lo'ak's nose just working very well? it honestly didn't matter. all that mattered was that the smell was putting lo'ak in a trance, especially when it starts to mix with your natural scent as you lathered the soap on your body. 

the conversation between the two of you died, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. in fact, you quite liked having this big na'vi man sit here. he was like a big watchdog, protecting you from any dangers this world may have to offer. "lo'ak?" you called out to the boy, liking how his name felt coming from your mouth.

"hm?" he hummed, letting you know he was listening. 

"can you help me get my back, please? i can't reach it." you don't know where the question came from, but that definitely wasn't the question you were going to ask. you startled not only the boy but yourself as well. where was this confidence coming from, and why is it suddenly hitting you? what do you need confidence for right now? you're bathing in a hot spring, in a forest, on a random planet you know nothing about, with a little blue boy guarding your area like his life depended on it. 

you peeked over your shoulder again to see that lo'ak was looking back at you, expression just as flustered as yours. 

"you want me to what?" he breathed heavily. maybe he heard you wrong or something because there's no way you just asked him that. 

"you didn't hear me? i said can you get my back because i can't reach it. what? you never touched a girl before, huh, little blue boy?" you teased him. since when do you tease people!? back on earth, boys worshipped the ground you walked on; duh, you were one of the most famous athletes in the country. but now? you're the one flirting. it's not like you didn't flirt back at home. it's just– you were used to the boys being your size, less intimidating, and a lot less… blue?

"don't go jumping to conclusions now. i just asked you to repeat yourself," the boy said, his hands up in fake surrender. 

"yeah yeah, here," you said, handing him your loofa that norm had given you as he slid back into the water behind you. you could feel his presence towering over you, but you noticed he kept a respectable distance between your bodies. he looked at the loofa strangely but noticed it was already lathered up, so he brought the item to your back and began rubbing in circular motions. 

you hummed in content. the feeling was so relaxing you could fall asleep right here right now. but was it really the feeling of the loofa on your back that was relaxing you, or was it the feeling of security that you felt consuming you as the attractive na'vi boy stood behind you, handling you with so much care that he hadn't even given himself? 

looking at your shoulder where his hands focused, you noticed he had five fingers. 

"hey, you have five fingers like me!" you held your hand up for him to see, and he noticed the little pieces of gold that decorated your fingers.

"what are those gold things sitting on your fingers?" he asked, reaching for one of them. you pulled your hand away and brought it to your chest. "finish washing my back, and then we can talk more. i don't know why i find you so interesting, but i think i wanna keep you" you smiled up at him. you don't know why you're so interested in this na'vi guy. you've never had a boyfriend or crush before because you never had time for boys. you were always focused on your athletics and practice and staying in shape. you never had time for anything. that's why you wanted to experience college so much because it gave you the perfect balance between your sports, your academics, and your social life. obviously, that didn't happen, though. 

lo'ak quickly finished off your back, taking notice of your back dimples.

back dimples are very common amongst na'vi, but he didn't know humans had them too. maybe it was eywa or just lo'ak being stupid, but he took it upon himself to place his thumbs in your back dimples, the rest of his hands resting on your waist.

you started blushing immediately, your face growing hotter and hotter as you processed his hands on your hips. "lo'ak!" you yelled at him, pushing his hands off. your actions snapped the boy out of his trance, and he proceeded to apologize profusely. "i'm sorry!! it's just that na'vi people have back dimples, and i didn't know that skypeople could have them too."

"well, i didn't know aliens could have five fingers, so it looks like we're both pleasantly surprised now, aren't we–"

"i'm not an alien. i'm na'vi. you're the one whos an alien here, y/n." he spoke, poking your side, causing you to laugh as you were ticklish on your sides.

"lo'ak, stop it!!" you laughed, trying to shield your sides from him. "get outt!! i still have to put my clothes on," covering your top half again; you turned to push the blue boy out of your hot spring and back to where he was standing earlier so you could dry yourself and put your new clothes on. 

you felt naked still by the time you finished tying your top over your chest. you sighed, looking down at the 'loincloth' as norm had called it. it wasn't really your style. you made a mental note to make your clothes your own when you returned to the shack. 

lo'ak, though, thought you looked beautiful in traditional na'vi clothing. he knew spider looked stupid wearing it but you...

you were stunning. 

he felt like you had sucked all the air out of his lungs. he was speechless. nobody had ever left him in awe like this. you really were it for him, and this was only the first time he had met you. lo'ak internally groaned, thinking about how he literally has to fight his mother to keep you alive, but he decided to think about that later, wanting to focus on you now. 

you weren't surprised by how calm you were about being taken to a completely different planet. i mean, sure, you were freaking out when you first got here, but now that you've had time to reason, you realize that there's no going home. ever. and if you're being honest, the way you acted when you got here was so out of character for you. usually, you were calm, always allowing things to roll off your back, not allowing them to bother you too much. so if you can't leave, you might as well get comfortable because this is your life now.

honestly, this isn't the first time you've been displaced. your mother abandoned you at a fire station when you were two months old. at least that's what the foster care system told you. and as a child, it seemed like everyone wanted you. you were a young child prodigy. you had a promising future running track, so why wouldn't anyone want to keep you?

that was always the question you would ask when you found yourself dropped back at the foster care agency. 

what didn't anyone want to keep you?

once you finished getting dressed, you told lo'ak he could turn around as you sat on a rock nearby so you could put your jewelry back on. yeah, you bathe with your rings on but not everything else. you put on your necklaces, waist chain, bracelets, and anklet. as lo'ak watched you decorate yourself with all these chains? he couldn't help but admire how they complimented your figure—especially the one on your waist and ankle.

"why do you decorate yourself so much?" lo'ak asked as he looked over the pieces that littered your body. 

"it's called jewelry. everyone on earth wears it. well, if it's your preference, you wear it. i really just like making my own bracelets and matching my rings with them. i try to keep everything else gold so it matches." you explained as you finished linking your anklet. "what is gold?" lo'ak asked, reaching to grab your hand. you let him analyze the rings on your fingers and the bracelets adorning your wrist. "gold is an element on earth mainly used to make jewelry. it's pretty cheap sometimes, but you have to make sure it's not fake because people try to scam you." 

"scam?" 

"yeah, you guys don't have scammers? or like shady people you live with that try to manipulate and steal from you?" you asked, confused. are scammers not universal people?

"no. we, omatikaya people, are family. we live as brothers and sisters. if anyone needs anything, they can find it out in the forest or ask a family friend for it, but there's never stealing going on. are 'scammers' on earth a regular thing?"

"oh my god, yes, they are! i get like five scammers a day texting me on instagram–" you groaned, finally having someone to vent your frustration to. your friends never really listened to you when you talked, but they always swore up and down that you were the best of friends. you knew they just wanted to be around you because of your reputation, but you would've rathered fake friends than no friends. you didn't want to be alone your whole life, you know?

"instagram?" there are so many components to earth that lo'ak had never heard about. his father never really talked about his life on earth, choosing to prioritize his present rather than explaining his past. you noticed that there was obviously a worldly difference between the two of you, and he looked like he was interested in all the funny words coming out of your mouth. 

"yeah, it's a social media app. that you get on your phone." you laughed as he tilted his head. your words were foreign, and he wanted to know what they meant. 

"what are these things? explain them to me. i wanna understand." lo'ak sat before you settled in, giving you his full attention. you blushed at his sudden actions but did as he asked. you began explaining so many 'earth things' to him, from sports to social media, even political issues, and he totally agreed with all of your opinions.

you two talked for hours, the distance between you getting smaller and smaller the more you talked. neither of you had even realized eclipse had set in. looking up to the sky briefly as he laughed at a joke you told him, lo'ak noticed the eclipse, and immediately his heart dropped. you were lost in your conversation about track because lo'ak had asked you about your favorite sport, and you didn't notice him rise from his sitting position beside you. 

"–i hated when my coach would tell me they needed me to run the 4x4. those suck, and i'm not even a long-distance runner–"

"–y/n, i'm so, so, sorry to interrupt you, but i have to go. like right now. but i want to see you again, okay? so please stay safe." and with that, the blue boy took off into the forest, disappearing before you could get a word in. you sighed, upset that he left so suddenly but thought back to what he said before he left.

'i want to see you again, okay? so please stay safe.’

he wants to see you again.

you blushed, playing with one of your bracelets, as you let his words sink in. he wants you to be safe so he can see you again. you've had boys interested in you, but it was always for the same reason your 'friends' hung out with you. you would never stoop that low, so on top of never having time for boys, even if you wanted to carve out time for one, none of the ones back on earth were worth it. they were just all fame chasers, and you hated how people never wanted to know you. 

you stood from your place on the rock, gathering your belongings and using the map that norm gave you so you could get back as fast as possible. 

the whole walk back, you couldn't help but think about him, where he had to go, why he left so suddenly, and just who he was as a person. neither one of you got to talk a lot about yourself because you were so caught up in explaining things on earth, but you hoped the next time you saw him, you two could get to know each other and maybe even become friends. you could use a friend on this god-forsaken planet, and it's not like you have any plans of leaving anyways, so you might as well.

back at the lab, max was working around, doing his usual scientist-man thing, when he noticed some blood on the door handle. obviously, it was yours from earlier, but this gave max a chance to experiment on something he had been thinking about a lot.

could you be related to theodora?

he can't deny the prominent resemblance, but it could always just be a coincidence. so max took a clean q-tip, swabbing some of the blood off to the door handle before storing it away in a ziplock bag. he planned to test your dna later, on a day when he was in the lab alone, so he wouldn't have to deal with any disturbances. 

as max stored the ziplock away, you walked into the shack. 

"goodnight, max! i'm going to bed. tell norm i said goodnight." you said, quickly waving at them and then disappearing into theodora's old room. max was shocked, to say the least. were you being nice? it was like a completely different girl just walked into the lab. your attitude had vanished alongside the snide remarks and the many curse words in your vocabulary. it had all vanished.

max didn't know if he was scared or grateful.

[madlad-sadgal]

Y'all liked it so here's a few more things I noticed in my watching of Nimona (again).

Nimona Spoilers!

We get a small section of Ball's innocence wall, and we see that his primary suspect is none other than Thodeus "Todd" Sureblade. Also, Blackheart is used everywhere, most likely as a nod to the comic, but also as what the media has dubbed this new villain, as we do as a society in real life. Giving certain famous serial killers names is an example.

Nimona did some drawings and said it was because she wanted her resume to pop, but it was most likely because she can't write or read as no one really took the time to explain it or teach her.

"Lay low until we RISE LIKE A FIERY PHOENIX FROM THE ASHES TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT!" Nimona not only spoiled her shifting into a phoenix to save the realm from the canon, but also her coming back (rising from her ashes like a phoenix)

We get another shot of Bal's innocence wall, and there we see a place where he circled in red "Who has the ressources for a laser like that?" And honestly, to me, it reminded me of what the canon did, which would explain the Director, since she clearly has access to the canons. The laser in Bal's sword, the laser in her staff, and finally the laser from the canon. Everything was her.

The Director was most likely acting overly dramatic when talking to Bal because she wanted to reinforce the guilt, and maybe even gaslight him into thinking it was his fault.

As the Director is leaving, we can see Nimona sneaking in as a mouse in the bottom left corner.

When we see the beat up knights, in the upper left corner, you can see a knight stuck in a vending machine, which I just found funny.

The light reflecting off Nimona's eyes, indicating her clear difference from everyone else.

When Nimona throws her axe, it hits a knight in the background who then falls off a ledge and falls down a few stories, so she may have actually killed someone.

We can clearly see Ambrosius go through so many emotions when he sees Bal again; relief that he's alive and he didn't kill him, guilt for his arm when he glanced at the prosthetic, confusion when Nimona calls him Nemesis, and surprise when she drags Bal away. Also, when she drags him into the closet, we get a short shot of Ambrosius half way through unsheathing his sword.

Bal's "Did you see the way he looked at me?" Being a parallel to Nimona's "Did you see the way that little girl looked at me?"

Nimona quite literally rips a pole in half and bends it over the door to keep it closed, showing a great amount of strength.

The "You're gonna die in this closet!" Joke that we all catches but I still wanted to point out because it's funny.

As Nimona is falling through the floors as a whale, she tells us that Todd canonically has a small dick ("Cold in here?")

I saw this pointed out once, but still wanted to as well, but Nimona says that she spruced up the Lair by making it more evil, but she quite literally adds Christmas lights, showing her childish side.

When we get another shot of the new murder wall, we can see the picture of Todd again, except Nimona drew a fist punching him in the face.

That's what I have so far. Might do more if y'all like this!

[thecleverqueer]

I don’t know. Maybe I mis-read the story, but I felt like the Ahsoka series wasn’t necessarily anti-Jedi. It felt more like Ahsoka finally accepted that she could actually be a Jedi after years of her believing that she was unworthy of doing that, and thereby giving her the right to pass on what she learned.

To preface, I do think her lineage had a problem with following rules. Obviously. Even Yoda broke rules when he went off on his trippy force adventure with Qui-Gon in the sixth season of TCW. It wasn’t that they all went against the Jedi teachings (save Anakin… which I won’t get into right now; I would possibly even argue for Dooku, but he was misguided and definitely did not go about anything in the right way), they just didn’t follow protocol. Most of them at least embraced Jedi philosophy (once again, save Anakin). They often broke rules and protocol loudly, but I can appreciate that as someone who hates the status quo and stringent rules. I say this to partially explain why Ahsoka often butted heads with Huyang about Jedi protocol. It’s not Jedi critical on a philosophical level as much as it is critiquing the protocols.

Now with that being said, let me talk about Ahsoka... Particularly, where Ahsoka was in her series and how that changes by the end of it:

Ahsoka struggled with the fact that she’d been trained as a soldier. Jedi were not soldiers; they were peace keepers. Ahsoka says as much to Rex on the Venator right before Order 66 was executed. She was incredibly torn by this. Ultimately, I believe it’s what caused her to leave the order in the first place. She listened to the words Barriss said, and agreed wholeheartedly. She couldn’t be part of the order as she was not a Jedi, but a warrior. It’s not that she didn’t want to be a Jedi, she DID want to be a Jedi. She just felt as if she no longer knew how to do that, or perhaps, couldn’t do that based on what she’d been doing.

It’s the main thing that she is stuck on when she had her flashbacks with Anakin in the World-Between-Worlds dream state. She struggled with her past. She was unable to reconcile the actions that she was forced to take during the war with her Jedi training that specifically told her not to do that. She mentioned that it wasn’t what she trained for, and by the time she was fighting the Siege of Mandalore, she only saw herself as a fighter. And, it’s something you saw in her character at the beginning of her series. She’s quick to draw her blades and come at you. She does not hesitate to fight Baylon at the reflex point on Seetos. It had unbalanced her, and that’s why she lost the fight.

Anakin basically told her that she’s more than just a warrior. All of the knowledge that came before him, the wisdom of Yoda, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, lived on through her. She was part of a legacy. Still, she struggled because of what Anakin became, and was hesitant to share the knowledge that she possessed in fear of planting dark seeds. It’s why he told her that she lacked conviction. In Rebels, Ahsoka was trying to convince everyone including herself that she was not a Jedi, and it was a culmination of all of her trauma. This was the moment that she must live (and let it go of said trauma), or die and literally drown with it.

In the end, Ahsoka chose to live, and the white robes weren’t the only thing about her that had changed. In her second battle with Baylon, she’s not as quick to draw her blades. She’s more worried about finding Ezra and Sabine. It’s not that she was completely unwilling to fight, but the fight wasn’t what it is all about. She mentioned this to Sabine as well when she told her that “being a Jedi is more than just wielding a lightsaber.” Ahsoka released the trauma, and embraced her Jedi past. It was not explicitly stated, but it definitely felt implied.

[shallowbreaths]

This is Mary Vincent, she is the biggest badass alive! At 15 she was attacked, brutal raped, hit in the head with a hammer, she had her arms hacked off with a hatchet, and was then thrown off a cliff by the side of the freeway to die. Her survival story is the shit! She says she heard a voice telling her to keep moving or else others would die, so without arms she managed to pack mud into the wounds so she wouldn’t bleed to death, and then she proceeded to scale the cliff with no arms!! She was completely naked, she had severe head trauma, no arms, and they say she had lost 50% of the blood in her body. After scaling the cliff (which she says took her most of a day), she then walked 3 miles before seeing a car with two men that slowed down, but after getting a good look at her they sped off. To which this badass woman said, “I looked terrifying, I don’t hold it against them at all.” Needless to say, she survived. Before allowing herself to even pass out though, she demanded a sketch artist and provided such detail that the monster’s friend saw it on the news and immediately knew it was him and turned him in. Then she testified against the man, and he somehow managed to whisper to her, “if it takes me the rest of my life I’m going to finish what I started.” Oh yeah, btw, it was HIM that released that detail!

Her family could only talk about how it effected them, it was as if they didn’t realize that it was effecting her too. So she was homeless for a while and she obviously had trouble making and maintaining any meaningful relationships. Her attacker got charged with a long list of crimes and got the maximum sentence at the time…. 14 years! He was released for good behavior after 8!!!!

He then tried to sue her after his release, (as one does after brutally raping someone and then cutting their arms off), but the court threw it out. He then moved to Florida where he was an “upstanding member of the community, and great neighbor.” His neighbors said things like, “of course we didn’t like what he’d done, but life goes on.” Yuck! I know this is shocking, but the asshole killed again and a witness saw it. The police arrived at his house and he was covered in blood still. He tried telling some BS story. The woman he killed (a mother of 3) wasn’t highly thought of because she was a sex worker, that’s one reason why they are so often killed, it’s easier to get away with. SOOOO, Florida asked Mary if she’d face the monster again in order to testify to the man’s nature. This badass said, “Hell yes” and flew down. I really hope she whispered to him, “I’m here to finish what I started.” He was convicted again and put on death row. Unfortunately, God got him with cancer before Florida got to finish his story.

This isn’t about him though, he was a disgusting creep that doesn’t deserve a name. This is about Mary fucking Vincent, the biggest badass of all time. Because of this story, there are now laws instituting mandatory life sentences for certain violent crimes. This is about a woman who uses her experience to help teenagers who are sexually assaulted, even though she STILL suffers from such terrible nightmares that she has woken up trying to escape with such violence that she has literally broken bones doing it several times. This is about the woman who went on to have two sons who she says gave a clear and definite reason to keep going. This is about a girl who at 15 says she couldn’t draw a straight line but grew up to be an artist with no arms, who fashions her own custom prosthetics in order to do the things she wants to do.

I’ve never met this woman, but she is one of my heroes! She is magnificent. Fuck that loser who wound up rotting in a cell alone, it could have been a car crash or a tree falling that caused that damage, he is a gross and barely necessary tool that lead to forging something truly amazing. What she has done, overcome, and made from the pieces is so fucking incredible that she should inspire us all. She was NOT disposable, but how easily she could have been. All she had to do was close her eyes at the bottom of that cliff and go to sleep. I’ll bet she could have quit on herself a million times over the years since 1978, but Mary Vincent doesn’t quit. She took the unimaginable and turned it into art. She IS art!

In Mary’s own words, “This is the third phase of my life since that awful day. I went from victim, to survivor, to artist.” Hell yeah you did Mary!

[jqmalikhsgib]

sea view

three

tigger warning: mention of suicide. please do not read if it will trigger you. i want you all to be aware and safe. this is just a filler chapter. just know if you’re ever struggling im here to listen! love each and everyone of you <3

harry would never understand how some men can’t comprehend how women’s bodies are the most magical and beautiful thing in the entire world. the masculine, macho men who think all women should do is cook and clean, it’s insane!

women give so much to men. they literally carry their babies for them for months, nearly an entire year before officially giving birth to them. it’s the most beautiful and selfless thing they could do.

harry’s grateful for his wife! you’ve given birth to three—maybe more in the future—of his babies. he couldn’t ask for a better woman to be by his side.

after giving birth to hayden, harry picked up the slack around the house. he made sure the kids got up for school, made them breakfast, cleaned around the house, even made sure you got as much rest as you needed!

you didn’t understand how lucky you’ve become with a husband like harry. sure, the two of you had shit in the past, but you worked it out and now you’re both doing so well. you’ve heard and read plenty of stories about someone else’s partner not being their for them or helping out when it came to their kids and household duties. you would never understand how one could treat their girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife like that!

sure, harry wasn’t perfect. he’d done some pretty shitty things in his earlier career, but he’s never neglected your children. he’s always been an amazing father. you knew no matter what had happened to you and harry, if you would have gotten a divorce years ago, he’d be there for his babies. for that you loved him!

sure, he’s doing the bare minimum. but you give credit where it’s due because some men don’t do shit!

“hi, hayden! can’t believe you’re already two weeks old. you’re gonna be daddy’s best friend, huh?” harry coos at his son.

he couldn’t get enough of his son being in the world. he loved all his children so much! harry didn’t know what he’d do if he wasn’t a dad.

“daddy, we’re home!”

“who’s that, baby? is that your big brother and sister? yeah! they’re back from school. let’s go say hi, huh?”

harry heads downstairs. he spots his daughter heading for the cabinet for a small snack while his son sat at the table and started his homework.

“how was school, pay-pay?”

“it was so cool, daddy! misses lane made us draw our favorite things! i drew you on stage.” payton hands her father the drawing.

harry smiles happily. payton was definitely artistic. she could already draw really well for a seven year old.

“this is good, baby! im gonna hang it on the fridge.”

“where’s mamma, daddy?”

“she’s resting, baby. remember what i told you? mamma needs all the rest she can get. she just had your baby brother so she’s gonna be extra tired. did you need something from her?”

payton hums.

“maybe i can help?”

“well, all the kids at my school talk about having two grandmas. mama said grandma rose died when she was young. how’d she die, daddy? mamma never told me.”

harry eyes widened. he didn’t expect her to ask that. he honestly didn’t know if he should answer or wait for you to wake up and tell her. corbin looks at his father with a bit of a sad smile. he knew how difficult it was for you to talk about. it’s one of the reasons why corbin never asked either. he didn’t want to upset you.

payton was still young. she didn’t understand too much. she was getting older nonetheless, it made sense as to why she was curious.

“oh, baby. nana rose, she was an amazing woman to your mama. she just—she was really sick,”

“like the sniffles?”

harry shakes his head. “it was a different kind of sick. you know when you’re sad sometimes?”

“mhm!”

“well, nana rose was sad all the time. it made her really really sick and she—well the bad thoughts she had ended up killing her, baby.”

payton didn’t understand too much. corbin got it right away. he felt really bad for his mom. you were barely six years old when she apparently ended her life. he could only picture a six year old you crying in his grandfathers arms, confused to what happened to your mom. his heart broke for you. corbin wouldn’t know what to do if you ended your life. he’d probably blame himself for a long time. thinking he wasn’t a good son.

“does mamma have photos of grandma?”

“she does! im sure if you ask really really nice she’ll show you, yeah?”

payton hums before pulling out her own homework. harry walked back upstairs to put his son down. he sighs as he thinks about the conversation he’d just had with your seven year old.

“dad?”

harry turns around. he sees corbin give him a sad look.

“why didn’t mom tell me?”

harry grabs his son hand. “she likes to talk about the good memories she had with her mother. talking about how sick she was makes her sad.”

“what—what happened?”

“your nana loved her babies, don’t get confused! your mom talks about how much she adored her six beautiful kids, how she’d read to them at night, make their sandwiches into different kind of shapes, sing to them, dance with them, make them laugh. but she was broken inside. she was diagnosed with schizophrenia when she was thirteen. ever since she was in and out the hospital. when she was sixteen she met your grandpa. it was love at first sight! in a way, he helped her a lot, just by being there. her medication was working better, she opened up a lot more to her therapist, she laughed more. she was starting to become herself again. but when she had your uncle ryan, that’s when things turned bad again. she’d now been a mom of four and your grandfather, though a great man, worked pretty much all day and night. this led her to a dark path once more. by the time she had your mom, she’d been in and out of the hospital more times than you could count. she ended up having an accident, she hurt your mom. it was accidental, but this sent her over the edge. your grandmother thought it was best and safer for her and her family to end her life.”

“how’d she hurt mom?”

harry bites his bottom lip.

“you notice that scar on your moms back?”

“the big gash?”

“yeah, your grandma had an episode and cut her pretty deeply. your mom had to undergo surgery and everything. she lost a lot of blood but obviously she survived. it broke your grandmas heart.”

corbin heart breaks even more.

“can i—can i go and hug mom? i know she’s sleep, but—”

“sure kid! go!”

corbin nods before heading to your bedroom. he sees you sitting up with a book in your hand. he goes to hug you tightly.

you were surprised but hugged him back. “what was that for?”

“just love you, mom!”

you smile hugely.

“love you too, kid!

[beanghostprincess]

thinking about luffy using nicknames as a way to create distance - because he does recognize when other characters use their actual names (that is if he remembers said person in the first place) but won't use them himself

random people or antagonists he doesn't care about? first thing that came to his mind when he saw them (pigeon guy)

people he's friendly with but doesn't want to be close to? nicknames somewhat related to names (torao/traffy, boa hancock being hammock at first, shirahoshi after moving up from yowamushi to yowahoshi)

his crew? his brothers? shanks? hancock after she helped luffy get into impel down? their actual names and their names only, no more nicknames for them

I love him so much. He literally gives no fucks about strangers and enemies lmfao. My favorite thing ever is when he meets someone and doesn't get along with them just because and doesn't remember their name until they show him some type of kindness or personality trait he likes. It's the line he draws between "You could literally die and I would not remember you in a few hours" and "I would die for you" and he usually crosses it in seconds because somebody has given him food or something.

Honestly, it has nothing to do with this but now that you mention Hancock and Luffy and Luffy obviously considering her a friend after Amazon Lily and Marineford and calling her by her name,,,,,,,,, I just love them a lot. Luffy seeing her as a friend/ally and not as a sexual object like literally every fucking man on earth. They're besties!!!!!!! It's so important for my girl,,,,, (<- Average Hancock fan idk)

[samble-moved]

Madoka's Ascension Can Be Read as a Sort of Suicide

TW: Discussion of suicide, depression, etc.

Note: This is a repost from @/samble, my prev (deleted) blog, done for ease of access. I don't actually think this interpretation this was intentional, but it's another valid way you can read Madoka's actions.

I) Foreward/Beginning

A lot of people associate Homura with the idea of a "depressed character" in Madoka Magica. This makes sense, though you could likely argue most, if not all of the cast, is depressed/traumatized. However, Homura is the most blatent. She is constantly overly self-critical, has very poor self esteem, has canonically attempted suicide and has suicidal thoughts, and her entire witch is literally based around wanting and wanting to die.

But just because Homura's is one of the more in-your-face doesn't mean Madoka, who's literally portrayed as a goddess that gives hope, can't be seen as a character who's also going through things, even pre-Timeloop shenanigans...

II) Madoka's Self Esteem, or Total Lack Thereof

Madoka, throughout most of her appearances throughout the "main" anime timeline, has very obvious low self esteem. She compares herself to others constantly, seems to base her whole sense of self worth off of if she's seen as "helpful", and is always calling herself weak and a burden/bother to others. Most people think (perhaps rightly) that this is only due to the aforementioned Timeloop Shenanigans as shown in the anime, but Madoka actually thinks this way even before Homura becomes a magical girl. See: the drama CDs, specifically #1.

Here's a quote from the CD summary off Puella Magi Wiki that I think stands out (keep in mind, again, this is Timeline One Madoka, NOT the less self-confident Madoka from later Timelines/loops):

"On their way Madoka confesses to Homura that she used to think the same way as Homura, she felt powerless and useless but that changed when she became a magical girl...[before] she felt she was only causing trouble to other people."

This implies Madoka gains her confidence when she becomes a magical girl. But her lack of it in the first place implies TL1 Madoka, if/when she was human, didn't have high self esteem like people think. She got it from winning battles and helping people as a magical girl. So it's entirely possible that having a poor view of herself is actually Madoka's "default", and it can't all be blamed on looping affecting her. It's highly possible "later Timeline" Madoka IS just like First Timeline Madoka — she's just still human.

III) Madoka Only Ever Seems to Like Herself if She's Saving Someone (Even at the Cost of Her Life)

Even in the TL1 Madoka examples, did you notice how she repeatedly says her self esteem only raised after she becomes a magical girl? Being a magical girl, where job benefits include trauma, life threatening situations on the daily, literally no escape but dying, and becoming/watching your friends become eldritch horrors that you have to kill? That doesn't seem like something that would make you feel better, but worse.

However, the main draw to Madoka is saving other people. Forget her own life and safety, she'd rather help others! And...this could be a noble goal, if literally all of her self esteem didn't rest on her doing this.

Think about it. Madoka is fourteen. She's highly self critical, thinks she's useless, and overall has a very poor self image. But then, she contracts. Sure, she's in constant danger (which she acknowledges), but she helps people...which makes her happy, despite all the "mortal peril" drawbacks. Now think about if a normal human middle schooler said this. Like, a normal 13-14 year old girl saying her entire sense of self worth revolves around saving people while putting herself in life threatening situations. Nobody would say this is a "good" thing, most people would think she would need therapy, or to try and base her self worth on other things instead of just something so dangerous, or wait until she's older and has more experience. They wouldn't blindly support such a thing.

IV) Madoka as Someone Passively Suicidal

I want to start out this section by saying I do not think Madoka would ever intentionally and literally kill herself. Thus the "passively" aspect.

Obviously, Madoka never says something to the effect of, "I want to kill myself" or "I want to die" in the anime. However, her actions and blatent disregard for her own safety and life can be read as a more passive instead of active form of suicidal ideation, or just not caring about herself at best.

From choosetherapy, "Passive suicidal ideation happens when people desire death but do not make active plans to harm themselves. These thoughts may sound like, 'I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up,' or 'I wish I could die in a car accident.' Although these are not active plans and tend to be situations in which people do not die by their own hand, people may still engage in riskier behaviors as a result of these thoughts."

From Refinery29, on an article by someone who's dealt with this: "Most days, I enjoyed my life. I was invested in my plans and looked forward to the future. But every now and then, when things were particularly difficult, I wanted to close my eyes and disappear. Thinking about no longer existing was like an emotional reflex, something I sometimes defaulted to when faced with internal pain."

Now, again, Madoka is never for sure shown saying anything like this — but we also don't see a ton of her thought process, in general. What we do see, however, can be a bit alarming.

From the same summary of Drama CD #1: "Madoka tells Homura that she wanted to adopt the black cat [Amy] but apparently it likes being independent. So she asks Homura that if something were to happen to her, she would like Homura to take care of it. Homura panics but Madoka tries to calm her by telling her she is not planning on dying soon."

Remember that Madoka...

Is absolutely willing to throw herself into literal life or death situations to try and save someone, no hesitation, at 14

Is prone to risk taking behaviors in some cases due to the above, even fighting when she knows she will die or doing dangerous things that can 100% get her killed or injured

Does these things because her self esteem is so low she seems to see herself as worthless

Is constantly seemingly belittling herself (

Only gains self worth through saving and helping others, even if it literally results in her dying and is very dangerous (at 14!!!)

Makes a dark joke/request to Homura about Homura watching out for Amy (the cat) if "something happens" to Madoka in TL1, which is a little worrying, since things like making "hypothetical" requests like that sometimes happens if someone is planning on suicide (ex. "If I die, please take care of my pets" or "If something ever happens to me, please do xyz" and yes, I'm aware she doesn't commit suicide then, but I recognized this is likely the reason why Homura is worried).

V) How This Relates to Madoka's Final Wish

AKA how Madoka's self sacrifical nature goes full throttle, resulting in something suspiciously akin to that whole "passively suicidal" thing we just touched on.

I'm not sure if other people have noticed it, but it seems implied that Madoka knew, or at least didn't care that her wish would erase her from existence — and, worse, this is something she wanted to happen.

Mami literally tells Madoka she will never physically be able to stop fighting, and that Madoka will lose all individuality. Mami even tells her dying would be kinder. The same Mami that made a wish to avoid dying. And does Madoka freak out? Seem to show she didn't expect this? No. She just basically says, "Fine. That's what I wanted to do, anyways."

She knew this was a potential aspect of her wish, and does not care that it "kills" her (in a metaphorical sense) by erasing any and all records of her existing, and her as a person.

Remember that part about how something like, "I wish I could just disappear?" can be passive suicidal ideation? Yeah, well it's pretty clear now that this was intentional, or, at "best", something Madoka doesn't mind...when she 100% should absolutely mind as a middle school aged girl.

And Mami isn't the only character who sees Madoka's fate as sad and depressing! Homura thinks so! And Homura says dying would be better when she sold her soul to keep Madoka from dying!

Madoka herself is maybe content with it, but again, Madoka only likes herself if she's saving someone. If she's not, she thinks she's a burden on her friends and family.

Madoka has low self esteem -> Madoka gains it by saving and helping others, even at great risk -> her wish is a literal cultivation of that, as she wishes herself out of existence -> Madoka is likely "content" as the LoC because

She no longer "exists" and has no actual "self" anymore

She is useful and helps people, and only sees herself as anything other than a nuisance and a good for nothing when she's doing things like this

This isn't even getting into the lyrics and implications of Madoka's character song if it's being read this way, which is one of those "sounds happy, is actually really sad" types:

"Cracking a smile, yet I'm feeling lonely / The truth is, I still have more to talk about / But with the words 'See you later' / I say we'll meet again, but it's a lie / and with my usual smile, I say / 'See you tomorrow'"

VI) Additional Notes

I'd like to add (post-posting howomura edit here) that you can commit suicide (or quasi-suicide) for a "selfless" or "good" reason and for it to still be sad and messed up. Nobody is claiming Madoka is evil for sacrificing herself, just that she shouldn't have felt like she had to do it, especially at her age (fourteen).

People who do it so their families can get money, to make political points and attract attention to events, etc, may have "good" intentions and be "selfless" in their actions, but it doesn't mean those people should have had to do it. Altruistic and benevolent suicides are still tragic even if they're meant to be for good cause or to help others as a whole.

[mizandria]

hey everybody. just made the mistake of catching a midnight train back home and as i was standing on the station with a friend VERY SURPRISINGLY a 30 years old male characterized only by a predator aura and alcohol + piss combo stench came up to us, just stood there for some time next to us silently (by that point i was already squeezing my pepper spray), backed away for a moment, went back to us and started asking where we are going, what are we doing here, then asked if i was an artist because i had posters in my bag and when i said no he said his sister is an artist and she makes her own paper, mixes it with something and draws naked women on it. yeah. yeah i'm sure this sister exists. i'm sure she's not a cover up for your perversion you sick fuck talking about naked woman to young girls who are clearly uncomfortable and scared of you. thinks we don't know what the fuck he is doing. then he had the audacity to be like "haha yeah when a stranger approaches someone that person is usually always so confused" yes i fucking am. i don't know what you want and you shouldn't be talking to me. anyway. i sat by the conductor and ran so fast to the taxis when it was mine and his stop. overpaid for the taxi for sure but that's better than being assaulted or stalked by this fucking weirdo. anyway i hope he dies i hope he gets castrated i hope the next woman is less polite and cares less about her future and throws him under the train so it slices his dick off and he bleeds to death. anyway very thankful to be home i was literally shaking the entire train ride. i felt like a soldier in a life or die situation. sorry for wanting to enjoy a film with a friend i forgot i am a woman. anyway (for the third time) very grateful to be alive and unharmed. goodnight ladies. pray for his swift death if you're religious or do witchcraft for it if you practice please and thank you in advance.