#literally have flashbacks every year for a full fucking month

[k7l4d4]

K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 14

Hello all, today, I review the episode I dislike the most out of Season 5. It isn't the one that upsets me the most, but it is the one I personally dislike the most, both on a moral principle, and a writing principle. I hope I do it justice in outlining how bad it is.

Now, there are a LOT of things I could say about this episode in hindsight, but the long and short of it is that this entire episode doesn't make even the slightest bit of sense in terms of continuity. Trauma is not something you just "get over" by having a revelation about what caused it, not even slightly. More over, the show acting as if Marinette having trauma absolves her of the ethical lines she's crossed in her obsession with Adrien... even ignoring how it tries to retcon Chloe's missing mom being this known thing now doesn't work because the show acting as if people IRL think "Chloe's mom not being around" is why she's the way she is and mocking them for it... does not work.

It just does not WORK, especially not when they have Mylene, one of the characters they had profess the idea that they believed Chloe could grow to become better, as the one to shoot that idea down, all while ignoring how Mylene's situation is NOTHING like Chloe's and I don't mean financially. Mylene is the last character that should be used to criticize Chloe; it's not ABOUT that Chloe's mom wasn't around when she grew up, it's that not only does Mylene have a father who loves her so much he uses a photo of her as a good luck charm he keeps in his hat, she doesn't have to live with the knowledge that her mom is a famous celebrity that she can hear about every time she turns on the news or tries to hear about what is going on in the fashion industry, living with the knowledge that her mother could literally come over whenever she wants... and is CHOOSING not to do so.

Combined with it making a mockery of trauma and PTSD by saying NOW of all times that Marinette was secretly traumatized by a bad prank Chloe and Sabrina pulled on her last school year (not even a full year before the series starts, less then three months), and it's the reason she has such a bad time talking with Adrien, it doesn't work when we know that she has NEVER had those problems when she was with Luka. I don't even like Lukanette (Chloenette fan forever, here), and even I can tell you point blank that they were a couple, had decent chemistry, and had NONE of the baggage she does with Adrien. It's not good writing at all.

With that wordy rant done, onto the review! Please, forgive me for any profanity on my part.

Episode 14: Derision 

And... here's Derision. Sigh... 

Okay, we start off with Marinette answering a call from Adrien, nothing going wrong... and then she starts trembling and her vision goes wonky. ALREADY HATING THIS!! 

Just... THERE IS NO FUCKING REASON FOR THIS TO BE HAPPENING!!! If this is because she's dating someone, WHY DIDN'T THIS HAPPEN WITH LUKA!? The literal episode immediately preceding this one called attention to the fact that they dated, yet THIS was never a part of it!! 

Oh, and THOSE KINDS OF SYMPTOMS DO NOT JUST FUCKING PASS WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU WHAT IS WRONG!! You can certainly FAKE IT, but it's like telling someone you're fine when you're obviously NOT fine; it's an act, not really being okay. 

And the tremors start up the second they bring up she has a date... (Hits head against a wall) Fuck this. Fuck this nonsense. 

...Okay, she's getting those symptoms over a picture of Kim. At the pool. Kim, who she shares classes with. Kim, who she sees BASICALLY EVERY FUCKING DAY. I'm hating this more and more with each passing moment. 

And now the hallucination-esque flashbacks are getting worse... ugh. Just... just so much of this is wrong to me. It makes me feel nauseous watching this. I may not have flashbacks like this, but I DO get trauma impacting one's actions and behavior, and I have HAD minor panic attacks due to people throwing me off balance or pressuring me on something I am not qualified to answer. Seeing THIS is honestly really upsetting, because ALL OF THIS CAME OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!! EVERYTHING THEY ARE TRYING TO TREAT AS SOME TRAUMATIC EPISODE IS STUFF THEY PULLED OUT OF THEIR ASSES!!! 

...Her needing to be alone. THAT is the one thing I can get behind in this nonsense.

I am currently breathing very, VERY hard to remind myself that Kim is not normally this much of a fucking idiot. I am trying very, VERY hard not to get mad. Kim, from the very beginning of Origins, is a weirdo that has issues with being insensitive, who is overcompetitive and tends to bite off more than he can chew by dragging people into dumb dares that he usually loses anyway. Him treating what amounts TO A FUCKING PANIC ATTACK as "reacting to a prank" is so stupid, so idiotic, I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM RIGHT NOW!!! Even during Origins, when he honestly CAUSED the problem, he was largely just trying to help in his own dumb way. THIS!? THIS IS HIM BEING AN ASSHOLE!!! 

They just... they had Marinette get Akumatized over a Panic Attack. Well, nearly get Akumatized, BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW IT ISN'T GONNA HAPPEN FOR REAL!! I am just... so much hate right now. SO MUCH HATE. Oh, and this calls a little bit of continuity into suspect because Marinette KNOWS she's Ladybug, so why the hell isn't Hawkmoth starting to pick up on the fact that she knows this and has the Miraculous!? After all, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED WITH LUKA YOU FUCKING HACK WRITERS!!! 

Also, apparently Ondine has known Kim since the time the "prank" took place, so him saying she wouldn't know makes jack all sense. 

My eyebrow is twitching. My brow is literally twitching at my sheer ANGER over this bullshit right now. 

And here comes the character butchering!! Let's see how much this pisses me off, SHALL WE!?

First off: Sabine spots right away that Marinette is trying to avoid going to school, and the dialogue makes it PRETTY DAMN OBVIOUS WHO THE FUCK THEY MEAN in the form of Chloe. They haven't said it yet, but when you phrase it as 'only two weeks left of school with her' IT DOES NOT TAKE A GENIUS TO FIGURE IT OUT!!!! What makes this absolutely fucking STUPID is that Sabine IS A BETTER FUCKING PARENT THAN THIS!!! If she knows that Chloe is bad enough that Marinette would rather avoid going to school than be around her, THEN SHE WOULD EITHER BRING IT UP WITH FACULTY, PULL HER OUT OF SCHOOL, OR JUST DO SOMETHING OTHER THEN TELL HER TO KEEP HER FUCKING CHIN UP!! IT'S NONSENSE LIKE THIS THAT MADE PEOPLE ANGRY AT CALINE IN ZOMBIZOU!!!!

Oh, and let's get into the next part of why this is nonsense to me. First off, what the absolute FUCK happened that made Marinette go from "ugh, it's Chloe, best to ignore her, she's not worth it" to "literally running and hiding and cowering behind doors over Chloe"? THAT IS NOT A NATURAL CHANGE IN BEHAVIOR!! It's Summer Break, not an entire year, there is no realistic reason for their dynamic to change like that!!! 

Okay, Marinette somehow had a bunch of bugs hiding under her books. HOW? If there were any bugs in her locker, they would've been ON THE BOOKS, because textbooks are way too heavy for a significant number of books to be capable of moving around beneath them. If you tried to put her books on top of them, they would just squash them. 

Moving on from the inconsistency I was fixating on to distract myself from RAGE, we get Damocles appearing at just the right time to cause trouble and yelling at Marinette for not being in class apparently for the eighth time in a week. And "good thing an anonymous student warns me when your about to break the rules" WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCKING HELL IS THIS SHIT!? Seriously, an "anonymous tip" every fucking time!? Does this idiot not seem to understand the concept of a fucking SET UP?!? 

...The "anonymous tip" is literally using Chloe's name. This isn't just contrived, THIS IS FUCKING MORONIC!!! 

HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT IS THIS GUY SUPPOSED TO BE!? 

...And they made Mendeleiev an idiot, dismiss Marinette's distress as "clowning around" I AM GOING TO BURN THIS VIDEO TO THE GROUND!!! I CANNOT STAND THIS SHIT!! 

And they've got Chloe making fun of Juleka's stutter, which she never had in any of the first three seasons. Ugh. 

...Uuuhhh... they had Rose saying Chloe's mother left her... WHEN NONE OF THEIR CLASS EVEN KNEW ABOUT THAT UNTIL SEASON TWO!!! Rose also got threatened by Chloe to, so this is just idiotic.

If this is meant to be an attack on the idea of people using Chloe's missing mom to excuse her behavior, THIS NEVER ONCE OCCURRED ANYWHERE IN THE SERIES PRIOR TO THIS MOMENT UNLESS IT WAS LILA!! Heck, the only person who has EVER unironically attempted to justify something Chloe had done (or rather, hadn't done) was Sabrina on Chloe's behalf by claiming Chloe forgot birthdays a lot because her mom forgot hers all the time... and Chloe got PISSED at her over this because she doesn't like her mom being brought the fuck UP!! And what makes this nonsense so utterly stupid is that EVERYONE seems to know that Chloe is the culprit, and could easily expose her, and they aren't doing so!! I AM PISSED OFF!! I AM ANNOYED!!! I WANT TO WRITE A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER!!! 

Honestly, Kim offering swimming trunks to replace someone's ruined pants is the closest to being in character he’s in this entire episode. 

I am not even going to comment on this show acting as if just one school year ago Chloe ruled the school with an iron fist and could dictate who Marinette could and could not talk to, BECAUSE IT IS UTTER FUCKING NONSENSE!! Chloe did NOT flagrantly break the rules and get away with it due to teachers dismissing her actions as being "wild accusations" she genuinely TRIED to avoid getting caught when she acted out, and she didn't target Marinette in specific more than anyone else!! NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE!!! THIS IS LITERALLY JUST CHARACTER ASSASSINATION!! 

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THIS NONSENSE ABOUT THERE BEING "NO REST" FOR MARINETTE!! I DO NOT WANT TO HERE THIS BULLSHIT BEING SPOKEN BECAUSE THIS IS SO WILDLY AND SEVERELY OUT OF CHARACTER FOR CHLOE!! SHE DOES NOT GO OUT OF HER WAY TO TORMENT PEOPLE FOR HER AMUSEMENT!! SHE RARELY TORMENTS PEOPLE AT ALL, SHE IS JUST AN OBNOXIOUS BRAT!!! I WANT THIS STUPIDITY TO FUCKING END!!! 

IF IT ISN'T CLEAR!! I AM BEYOND PISSED OFF AT THE MOMENT!!! WHY THE ABSOLUTE FUCK WOULD ANY OF THE TEACHERS BE AFRAID OF A TEENAGE GIRL!?! THEY LITERALLY HAVE ALL THE POWER IN THE DYNAMIC!! WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE SOCQUELINE INTO THIS BRAVE PROTECTOR FOR MARINETTE WHEN THIS COMPLETELY FUCKING UNDERMINES THE FACT THAT ALYA WAS APPARENTLY THE FIRST ONE TO CONVINCE HER TO STAND UP FOR HERSELF!?? YOU CANNOT FUCKING SAY IT IS BECAUSE IT DIDN'T SINK IN UNTIL NOW OR SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT BECAUSE SOCQUELINE APPARENTLY WENT SO FAR AS TO PHYSICALLY THREATEN CHLOE, WHEN ALL ALYA DID WAS PULL MARINETTE AWAY FROM CHLOE AND BARELY DID ANYTHING DIRECTLY AT ALL!! GET THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT OUT OF MY FACE!!!

I am not eveN GOING TO FUCKING PRETEND TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE BARE MINIMUM REASON THEY ARE GIVING FOR MARINETTE TO PURSUE KIM BECAUSE IT BRINGS BACK ALL OF THE BULLSHIT FROM KURO NEKO IN THAT IT ACCIDENTALLY FRAMES MARINETTE'S CRUSHES IN THE MOST SHALLOW AS FUCK WAY IMAGINABLE!!! 

ALSO, WHY IN THE FUCK ARE KIM AND MAX GOOD ENOUGH FRIENDS IN THE PRESENT WHEN WE ARE LITERALLY GIVEN A SCENE OF KIM BEING SUCH AN INSENSITIVE JACKASS TO TAUNT MAX OVER NEEDING CLASSES!? 

THEY EXPLICITLY HAD HIM SCREAM AT KIM IN ANGER FOR HIM TO STOP AND HIM TO JUST SHRUG IT OFF BY ASKING MAX TO LAUGH A LITTLE!!! HOW DID THESE TWO SOMEHOW BECOME CLOSE ENOUGH FRIENDS FOR MAX TO AGREE TO WORK WITH KIM ON CONFESSING TO CHLOE IN DARK CUPID!? SINCE WHEN WAS HAVING A LAUGH THIS FUCKING IMPORTANT TO KIM AT ALL!?!?! 

I am literally too fucking angry to even go for all caps. This is nonsense taken to the NTH degree. Making Chloe cartoonishly evil does not make her more unlikable, it is bad writing. Making Kim so fucking stupid he doesn't get what "confessing feelings to him" means and being convinced to go along with a prank because he's too fucking stupid to understand what's going on is bad writing. THIS ENTIRE EPISODE is bad writing. I just... I am not even gonna pretend to tolerate this. 

Trying to be FUCKING self aware about Marinette's future obsession about confessing DOES NOT FUCKING WORK WHEN SHE LITERALLY NEVER HAS HAD THAT FUCKING PROBLEM WITH LUKA!!!

See, what makes all this bullshit utter nonsense is that, by all rights, if ANY OF THIS, the backstory in general, took place... then MARINETTE SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO COME WITHIN A HUNDRED FEET OF EITHER KIM OR CHLOE!! WHY IN THE WORLD IS SHE WILLING TO EVEN BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS THE TWO OF THEM IF THEY HURT HER LIKE THIS!? WHY IS SHE ABLE TO BE CIVIL WITH KIM WHEN HE HAS NOT APOLOGIZED OR EVEN REALIZED WHAT THE FUCK HE DID WAS WRONG IN NEARLY A FUCKING YEAR!? WHY WAS MARINETTE ABLE TO WORK WITH SOMEONE WHO FUCKING TRAUMATIZED HER DURING ANIMAESTRO, OR ANY OF THE TIMES SHE CALLED ON QUEEN BEE!? WHY WOULD SHE SAY SHE THINKS CHLOE IS ABLE TO CHANGE IN SEASON TWO IF THEY HAD A PAST LIKE THIS!? FUCK THIS NOISE!! FUCK IT WITH A RUSTY CHAINSAW!!! 

IF ANYONE TRIED TO TELL ME THAT THE WRITERS PLANNED THIS OUT AHEAD OF TIME, I WOULD BELIEVE THEM BECAUSE THE WRITERS ARE SUCH FUCKING HACKS THAT I WOULDN'T TRUST THEM NOT TO CHOP DOWN A TREE BY LEANING ON IT!!! 

THESE IDIOTS WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND CONTINUITY IF IT HIT THEM OVER THE HEAD WITH A HISTORY TEXTBOOK!! 

HERE’S ANOTHER BIG ISSUE WITH THIS FUCKING FIASCO OF AN EPISODE, APPARENTLY CHLOE VIDEO TAPED THE ENTIRE INCIDENT AND POSTED IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA!! HOW IS ANYONE UNAWARE OF THIS NONSENSE!? 

Okay, never mind, they had Mary Socqueline kick the phone out of midair. WHY!? 

DO NOT EVEN TRY AND PRETEND THAT MAKING MARINETTE INTO A FUCKING STALKER WAS ALL MEANT TO BE PART OF SOME TRAUMATIC BACKSTORY, THAT THIS IS SOMETHING SHE WOULD DO WITH ANY GUY SHE LIKES, NOT WHEN LITERALLY NONE OF THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT EVER APPLIED DURING HER RELATIONSHIP WITH LUKA!!! GET THIS NONSENSICAL BULLSHIT OUT OF MY SIGHT!!! 

DO NOT EVEN TRY AND DO A TONAL WHIPLASH BY SWITCHING FROM MARINETTE BAWLING HER EYES OUT IN THE BATHROOM WITH CHLOE COMPLAINING TO THE PRINCIPAL ABOUT SOCQUELINE!!! DO NOT EVEN BEGIN TO FUCKING GO THERE!!!

GET THIS NONSENSICAL SHIT OUT OF MY SIGHT WITH SOCQUELINE GETTING SUSPENDED!! I DON'T EVEN LIKE HER AND I KNOW THIS EVENT IS CHARACTER ASSASSINATING BULLSHIT!! EVEN WHEN CHLOE LEANED ON ALYA TO BE PUNISHED IN LADY WIFI, SHE ACTUALLY HAD A FUCKING LEG TO STAND ON, AND ONLY GOT THE SEVERITY OF HER PUNISHMENT INCREASED!! THE MAYOR DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO REPLACE THE PRINCIPAL!! IT WAS EXPLICITLY A FUCKING PLOT POINT DURING THE BATTLE OF THE QUEENS TRILOGY THAT HE HAS EXTREMELY LIMITED POWER OVER THE SCHOOL SYSTEM, AND THE MOST HE COULD DO WAS GET THE SCHOOL CLOSED FOR A FUCKING DAY!! HE IS NOT EVEN ON THE FUCKING SCHOOL BOARD!!! 

THEY FUCKING MADE SOCQUELINE RIP OFF ALYA'S MAJESTIA SPEECH FUCK THIS NOISE!!! 

OH GREAT ANOTHER FUCKING CASE OF A CHARACTER RESISTING A FUCKING AKUMATIZATION, LIKE THAT'S SOMETHING SPECIAL THESE DAYS!! 

WHY IS THIS IDIOT SAYING THAT CHLOE IS THE PRETTIEST GIRL TO HIS GIRLFRIEND!? WHERE DID THIS MORON'S BRAIN DISAPPEAR TOO!? 

MARINETTE, DO NOT EVEN GO THERE WITH FUCKING SAYING IT'S ALL CHLOE'S FAULT, NO ONE FORCED YOU TO DECIDE TO PROMISE TO FUCKING STALK PEOPLE, OR TEAM UP WITH THE PERSON WHO ALLEGEDLY TRAUMATIZED YOU, ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOUR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP WITH LUKA MADE IT VERY CLEAR THAT YOUR VOW IS TOTAL BS!!! 

THIS ALSO IS NOT HOW TRAUMA WORKS!! IT DOES NOT FUCKING MATTER IF YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT CAUSES TRAUMA, OR WHERE IT CAME FROM, THE TRAUMA WILL STILL FUCKING EXIST!! YOU HAVE TO PUT IN THE FUCKING WORK TO OVERCOME IT AND LEARN TO ADAPT IN YOUR DAY TO DAY LIFE!! THERE IS NO HAVING A MAGICAL EPIPHANY THAT'LL MAKE IT ALL GO THE FUCK AWAY!!!

AFTER ALL, IF ANY OF THAT SHIT WERE TRUE, I WOULDN'T BE HALF AS FUCKED UP AS I AM BY ALL THE BULLSHIT MY GRANDFATHER HAS PUT ME THROUGH!! DO YOU EVEN COMPREHEND HOW UTTERLY TONE DEAF, OFFENSIVE, AND SELF-RIGHTEOUSLY HYPOCRITICAL THIS ENTIRE FIASCO OF AN EPISODE IS SUPPOSED TO BE!? ANY POSSIBLE UPSIDE OF MARINETTE ACKNOWLEDGING THAT SHE'S A FUCKING STALKER WAS TAKEN AWAY BY MAKING IT "ALL CHLOE'S FAULT" AND I AM NEVER GOING TO LET THIS FUCKING GO!!! 

DO NOT EVEN GO THERE WITH THE "HE DESERVES TO GET HURT!!" THIS IS NOT WHAT ADRIEN AGRESTE IS LIKE, I DO NOT GIVE A DAMN IF MARINETTE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND, HE IS NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON!!! AND NO, THE BIG MOMENT HASN'T HAPPENED YET, BUT I CAN TELL IT'S GONNA BE SOON!!! 

And it happened GET THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT OUT OF MY SIGHT!! WHAT THE HELL EVER HAPPENED TO "THERE'S AN ACTUAL LIVING PERSON UNDER THERE" SPEECH WHEN HE ACTUALLY CATACLYSMED MONARCH!? STOP FUCKING TREATING ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS AND HORRIFIC THINGS IN THE SERIES AS SOMETHING ADRIEN JUMPS TO WHEN HE IS PISSED THE FUCK OFF, BECAUSE IT IS PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF!!! WHY IS HE GIVING MORE CONSIDERATION TO A GUY WHO HAS ACTIVELY TRIED TO GET HIM AND HIS GIRLFRIEND KILLED MORE THAN FUCKING ONCE THEN A FELLOW TEENAGER WHOSE WORST CRIME IS BEING A FUCKING MORON!?!? I'M DONE!! I AM DONE WITH THIS BULLSHIT!! NOTHING CAN MAKE THE WRITING COME BACK FROM THIS, NOTHING!!! 

FUCK OFF WITH THIS "YOU'RE GOING TO GO APOLOGIZE TO HER" BULLSHIT!! YOU HAVE BEEN FUCKING ENABLING HER FOR MONTHS, YOU HAD ONE SHOT TO MAKE HER CHANGE FOR THE BETTER AND YOU FUCKING BLEW IT!!! FUCK IT ALL!! FUCK THIS!! FUCK YOU!! FUCK THE WRITERS!!! I'm done. I'm just... I'm done. I'm gonna keep doing my reviews, but this dug up some nasty wounds.

[measuringbliss]

Spider-Man Read-Through 012: Hmm watcha say... (ASM 88-92, Ann 7)

MASTERPOST

In this post, we're here to DO CO---I mean, Doc Ock is here.

We get some real nice art in this batch, so check it out!

See, Otto has been hustling and busting to increase his Bluetooth range and finally, after months, succeeds in taking control again of his mechanical arms.

Spidey thus does his best impression of a Japanese erotic doujinshi.

That's a great panel.

The arms escape, but more importantly: Gwen has a great new outfit! Love it.

Pete also has a great outfit later.

The yellow jacket/blue pants works exquisitely, obviously, but the sweater below, and the black tie over a white shirt... It's great.

So this issue's about Ock hijacking a plane where coincidentally a Chinese general has also boarded, and Otto uses this to blackmail the US and get money. A bit of racism (unsurprising), a smart idea (Spidey assassin'screeding his way to the plane) and nice outfits prevent this issue from being completely unmemorable. Otto has been through an explosion, but come on, it's not the last time it happens. He'll be alright. He's a big boy.

The next issue doesn't waste time with this either, since Spidey is once again fighting Ock on its cover, no less!

Randy's back, which is great.

We also get a very nice, if a bit overdone, panel.

On one hand, this issue is almost 100% action, which I dislike. On the other hand, we get fantastic perspective art.

But in the next issue, D E A T H A W A I T S.

I haven't had readers' letters for two issues now, I wonder if my scans are missing them or if the editors didn't have time for this.

Peter faints because a battle that takes a full issue is just far too long, and this gives us a nice waking up scene, although now I feel like Spidey is constantly sick or weakened.

Peter still hasn't told his secret to Gwen's father (he HAS to know though, right?). The artists are clever and they beg me to forgive them for last issue by providing both male physique and very nice colors.

It admittedly works. The colors, not Petter's too defined chest.

To beat Otto's impressive continent-wide Bluetooth skills, Peter invented a counter-measure: Bluetooth, but better! He No Way Home's Otto's tentacles and takes care of him.

Anyway, the tentacles go amok and Captain Stacy jumps in to protect a kid from rubbles and HE DIES. BUT NOOOOOT BEFORE REVEALING THAT HE KNOWS PETER'S SECRET. YES.

The letters are back, but they're not particularly interesting to me.

It's issue 91 one time, and what better way to close the year (December baby) than with a burial!

Gwen is furious at Spider-Man, whom she believes is responsible. So she's proactive and decides she's going to help Mr. Bullit at the local elections. Spidey's going to be fucked and she's making sure of it!

Bullit is making his greatest impression of the French government circa 2017-2027 (I will say no name, but those who know, know) and I'm having flashbacks. According to Robertson, he's "a fascist" and "still living in the 1930s". It's heartwarming to know that a century later, my government would be at the same point.

Jameson argues that maybe things were better before, to Robbie's face, which is truly outlandish.

FLASHBACKS, AS I SAID.

The issue was more disturbing than enjoyable.

In the letters, William Fesselmayer thinks that Hobie has to have guessed Spidey's identity, and I'd reply to him that he probably doesn't care. Someone else actually roleplays as him in the letters with the same "I figured who he is!", lol.

The readers are absolutely obsessed with the mechanics of Spidey's shooting mechanics, whereas I truly don't care about it. Like, it's a subject mentioned EVERY TIME.

In the penultimate issue of this post (92!), Iceman is here and considering he woudn't come out for another 4-5 decades, he's a jerk.

Look how he is, pretending he's straight!

Bobby's a breath of fresh air, literally but also figuratively. His powers are entertaining to see, after so much of Otto and Kingpin.

Meanwhile, Gwen's no silent observer. She very much channels our dear Natasha.

Meanwhile...

Wow, this is getting real, folks. ASM really starts affirming its politics from 1969 on.

It's page 10 and Iceman and Spidey are fighting for the second time in the same issue, and it feels endless.

And Robbie's kidnapped! Fuck.

But this panel ruined the tension and made me snicker.

Like I said, Iceman is a very pleasant addition to this otherwise... complicated arc. But what do I see? THE PROWLER'S BACK!?! Makes sense, given he was very popular (and rightfully so!). But he's going to be for the next post. We have Annual 7 to go through before!

I've read the first two stories before (as they're reprints from the very first two issues!) but not the last one, "A Guy Named Joe" (since I didn't read #38). So let's read it!

This is one issue before Norman reveals to Peter he's the Green Goblin. What a great guy indeed!

A protest scene that is sure handled differently than in 1969, huh!

MJ hadn't been showed yet! But she sure had a bust already.

Fun issue, nothing much to say, Joe Smith is an obvious name for an anonymous guy. It all ends well!

Overall, a mixed batch. It felt a bit too heavy at times compared to real life. Oof. Not that I necessarily disliked it...

[inkedmyths]

S2: E5 "Simon Said"

Brought to you by Kayla was bored and I was bored enough to continue AND ALSO THIS WAS A MONTH AGO I'M SORRY

This ep featuring: Murder suicide, demon touched pussy, grand theft auto, and yet another fucked up brotherly parallel

Silas: UR STILL ON SEASON 2? Crepe: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES Melon: They’ve been watching at a rate of one-two episodes every two weeks. We’re gonna be here for the long haul (years) Me: Bc I have been busy <3 Silas: BYE I THOUGHT UD BE AT 3 AT THIS POINT HAGAHAYUGADG Me: SHUT UP SILAS Silas: SO MEAN TO ME

[ There is a brief interruption as I'm about to start because my mom walked in to make a joke about being a bad influence. This has nothing to do with Supernatural. She has never watched it and refuses to. A wise decision, probably. ]

What the fuck? What the fuck

[ The peanut gallery continues to make fun of my slow watch rate. I ignore them in favor of staring in bafflement at the screen. ]

Vision? Flashback?

Visions!!

[ Aspen now enters the chat, making a comment that they were just thinking about how long its been since the last time. ]

UHHH

DAMN HE JUST COMMITED A MURDER

MURDER SUICIDE

Oh hello Sam

Back at it again with the evil visions huh

[ Why the fuck does Aspen have a teletubby emote. ]

Dean beloved your phrasing needs work. Its so bad <3

The bar all goes 👀 when the boys walk in

Does. He

He has no pants. Ok

THATS PRETTY DAMN SPECIFIC SAM

WHSHSGSGS

[ Kayla at last arrives, late as hell for someone so invested in me watching this. ]

REO SPEEDWAGON...

DEAN.... WHSHSGSG SINGING IT IN DEAD SILENCE IN THE CAR

Okay so we are tracking down another kid who might've been visited by the demon

LAWYERS

LEFT HIM AN ESTATE

GUYS ISN'T THIS LIE TAKING IT A BIT FAR—

Kayla: nah. its funny

Barbarian Queen riding a polar bear...

WJSHDH DEAN "I don't know, I'm starting to like this dude. That van is sweet."

I mean it is a reasonable connection that so far these uh. Idk. Demon touched psychics? Are violent?

And like Sam has a point, hunting is killing and violence, even if Dean is pretty keen on separating that completely from normal murder

Kayla: read that notif as demon touched pussy. i was like shit fr? Me: DEMON TOUCHED PUSSY.......

Dude actually I'm with Dean on this one. This guy fucks

Literally, judging from the girl waving at him

Dean thats not subtle.... why can't you guys be subtle..........

DID. DID HE JUST STEAL THE CAR

IN TEARS.

DEAN HE JUST STOLE YOUR CAR

WHAT

He's like some kind of? Affects minds?

"He full on Obi-Waned me" HELL YEAH LET'S GO STAR WARS REFERENCE ON MAY THE 4TH

OH SHIT MAN JUST WALKED INTO TRAFFIC

Dr Jennings...?

Ok ok...

WJSHSH "AND OJ WAS GUILTY"

I can't believe this, this is so funny

The guy LITERALLY stole Dean's car and he's still like "Man this guy FUCKS I can't be mad at him"

Dean viewing his van with a disco ball and a bong: This guy is so real

Guy has a thing for weird eccentric guys in long coats I guess

MOBY DICKS BONG

OH SHIT HE APPEARS

IT NOT HIM IT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING ELSE?

What the fuck?

Oh fuck? What the fuck what is happening?

OH HE HAS A BROTHERRRRE

OH OH I SEE

OH THIS FUCKIN GUY

I SEEEEEEE

Sam buddy you alright

OH THE GIRL

His long lost twin was jealous?

Or something? Why the murder

Damn Sam these visions are sucking worse and worse huh

Ohhhh weird weird creepy fucker

OH HE'S WEIRDLY? WEIRDLY OVERPROTECTIVE? WHAT THATS EVEN CREEPIER

The constant weirdass parallels to the Winchesters huh

Whaaaaaat the fuck

LMAO (jedi mindtricking) "You really don't want to do this" (gets punched)

What in the fuck is happening here

Dude what

Yeah exactly!! Just talk to your brother like a normal person

THE MAN WITH THE YELLOW EYES

Kayla: you wanna know a funny story abt him Kayla: he actually has a name Kayla: however when i first watched his whole section (i was 10 i think) i decided that the man w the yellow eyes was too long Kayla: this was pre name reveal Kayla: so i Kayla: named him. Kayla: his name was jeffery. Kayla: i stand by that. Me: WJDHDHD Crepe: JEFFERY

Ohhhhh poor Andy :((

I love Andy I would die for Andy he was just living his life and his twin had been got by the demon so he showed up and was a murderous bastard

AUAUGH

DEAN NO

Sam is at his ropes end, Dean is deciding that ignoring things is the best option

Oh fuck shes onto them

Well fuck. Broke pattern, who knows how many weird psychics the demon has tabs on

Aaaaand end episode

Damn!

---

Okay, really interesting episode. I stand by that I would die for Andy, I hope he's okay after all of this nonsense.

But it's definitely setting up some crazy shit with psychic people... wonder where this is going... genuinely. I have no idea. But its probably not good!

[punk-raphaelite]

having my yearly freakout right before my birthday where I tighten all the privacy settings on every social media I have so no one could ever know anything about me or wish me happy birthday ever.

I'm extremely close to changing urls just for a bit so heads up

[angelasscribbles]

Bad Romance Chapter 19: The Girl is Mine

Series: Bad Romance

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings for series: Multiple

Paring this chapter: No lemons in this chapter

Rating: R

Song Inspiration: The Girl is Mine by Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney

Word Count: 1,931

A/N: Another flashback chapter. This one was unplanned. My original idea was to move onto some Riley/Max flashbacks/chapters, but instead, my brain followed Liam down that hallway after he left Riley crying on the bathroom floor the night the engagement tour kicked off.

A/N2: Special thanks to @karahalloway for bouncing around ideas with me about Drake's suspension hearing and what that would look like, I've made some tweaks based on our conversation. Also, I blatantly, wholesale stole the following lines, she gets full credit:

“You let a woman deck you?”

“She’s stronger than she looks, sir…”

“I’m surrounded by incompetents….”

Warnings for this chapter: mentions sexual assault, violence, death

General blanket warning for series: Smutty, Lemony, Awful, Toxic Relationships with lots of cheating. This is a hot mess express; no one is happy, everyone is in love with the wrong person, every relationship depicted herein is generally and massively fucked up. You’ve been warned.

My other stuff: Master List.

Two months earlier….

Max lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He checked his cell phone again. Still no text from Riley. He sighed as he contemplated just getting ready for bed. It was becoming less and less likely that she was going to text. Liam was probably still there. Fucking Liam. Max shook his head. Liam had hurt her, destroyed her and yet there he was, acting like he had some kind of a claim on her.

It wasn’t even jealousy. He just didn’t want to see her get hurt again. And Liam would hurt her again. How could he not? He was engaged to Madeleine, he had betrayed and abandoned Riley days after the most horrific experience of her life. He’d been there for her; Drake had been there for her. Liam had not.

There was a knock on the door. Max glanced at the time, it was late, no way it was Bertrand at the door and Riley wouldn’t come to his room, she would have just text him if she wanted him. He pulled himself off the bed and opened the door, curious about who the hell was knocking so late. It was the last person he had expected to see.

Liam was standing outside his door, eyes red rimmed, cheeks wet. Max’s eyes widened in surprise, “Liam! What the hell? What’s wrong?”

“I…I messed everything up, Max.”

Max looked up and down the hallway then pulled Liam into the room, shutting the door behind him. No one needed to see the king crying in the hallway. What the fuck? Max hadn’t seen Liam cry since his mother died when he was eight years old. “Liam, what’s wrong? Is Riley ok?”

Liam shook his head, “No. I made her cry, and she won’t talk to me, and I don’t know what to do.”

Max’s heartrate slowed down considerably once he realized nothing tragic had happened. But he’d been right about Liam hurting her again. Obviously. He was right a lot, but no one ever listened to him regardless. “And you came to me, why? If you expect me to take your side and say something to make you feel better, I’m not and I won’t. You hurt her, Liam, you fucking broke her!”

“That’s not why I’m here.” Liam shook his head as he wiped his face across a sleeve, sniffling.

“Ok….”

“She needs you, Max. I don’t know what to do, I thought maybe you could calm her down. I didn’t know what else to do, who else to turn to.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll go because she needs me, not because you asked me too. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to clean up your mess, Liam.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, who the fuck do you think put her back together after Tariq assaulted her, she literally watched Drake beat him to death, you broke her heart and that fucking colonel at Drake’s suspension hearing destroyed her all over again?”

“Drake’s hearing?” His brows drew together in confusion, “What’s Riley got to do with that?”

Max’s mouth fell open as he looked at him, “What’s that got to-? You know she had to give a statement, right? You know she had to be questioned?”

“Oh, ah, I guess that makes sense.”

“Then she forced her way into the suspension hearing to try and defend Drake.”

He smiled a little, “That sounds like her.”

Max shook his head, “Are you really that fucking clueless? You really have no idea how that went down?”

“How?”

“He didn’t listen to anything she said, Liam. You know if you had been with her, he would have listened. If she had been the queen in waiting then, it would have made all the difference in the world. Your absence made it look like you agreed with the colonel. Like you believed his version of events. You know that, right?”

“That wasn’t my intention.” Liam said brokenly.

“And not just her. Drake, your best friend.”

Liam’s head snapped up, “What do you mean?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean? Do you even know what happened in that hearing?”

Liam shook his head.

Max stared at him in astonishment, “You didn’t ask either of them? Read the transcripts? Find out in a security briefing? Nothing?”

“I mean, the briefing just said Drake had been suspended pending an investigation. I was trying to keep my distance from the whole situation to further the illusion that I was keeping my distance from her!”

“Oh, my fucking God Liam! First of all, it wasn’t an illusion, she hasn’t seen or heard from you since the coronation and second of all…shit, I mean just…fuck!”

“What, Max? What happened at the hearing? Tell me, I want to know.” He pleaded.

Two days after the coronation:

Drake sat slumped in his chair, facing down the wrath of his commanding officer. He looked up in surprise as the door opened and Riley burst into the room.

“I’m so sorry, sir!” The young corporal who’d been in charge of the door was right behind her, sheepishly rubbing his jaw.

The colonel looked at him in astonishment, “You let a woman deck you?”

“She’s stronger than she looks, sir…”

“I’m surrounded by incompetents….” The colonel muttered under his breath, then to the corporal, “Go on, get out of here, you’re useless anyway!”

Drake sat up straight, “Riley, what are you doing? You shouldn’t be here.”

“I have to tell the colonel what happened!” Whirling to face Colonel Blainsworth, she blurted, “You can’t punish Drake, it wasn’t his fault!”

“Wasn’t his fault? A man is dead miss Brooks. A member of the aristocracy, a man from a good family.”

“He was defending me! If you’d just let me tell you what happened-“

“I can’t imagine what you think you have to add to this meeting.” He said with a raised eyebrow.

“I can tell you what happened that night-“

“And why would I believe anything you have to say?”

“Because it’s the truth?”

“The truth? Yes, tell me the truth, please. Starting with the pictures that were published in the Cordonian Star, those were of you and Maxell Beaumont?”

“Yes, but-“

“And Duke Lambros was in your private bed chamber that night?”

“Yes but-“

“And Captain Walker? You claim that he interrupted this alleged assault?”

“He did-“

“Which means he also went into your private bed chamber that night. How many men, exactly, are comfortable entering your bedroom in the middle of the night, miss Brooks?”

“No, we weren’t, he wasn’t, he heard me scre-“

“Is it true that you had an intimate relationship with the king during the social season?”

“Yes, I don’t see-“

“Perhaps you were worried the king would find out about you and Lord Lambros.”

“No, Liam and I were in love, we-“

“Clearly not. Where is he now?”

“I-“

“Engaged, and not to you. He’s not here because he knows you’re a liar. I don’t know how things are done in America, but you can’t just go accusing a man of sexual assault because another one of your lovers caught you in the act!”

“That’s not what happened!”

Drake had been getting more and more agitated as the questioning went on and that had been the last straw. He leapt to his feet, roaring in rage, and pounding his fist on the desk, “Leave her alone! Don’t fucking talk to her like that!”

“Captain Walker, you are out of line!”

At the sound of the raised voices, the door opened again, he was pulled back by two guardsmen and forced back into his seat.

Colonel Blainsworth sat back with a smug smile, “Obviously you can’t control your temper when it comes this woman, Captain. I think it’s clear what happened that night, but a full investigation will be conducted. In the meanwhile, you’re suspended from duty as you’re clearly unfit. Your judgement has obviously been impaired, you just raised your voice to me. Disrespecting a superior officer will be added to the list of charges against you. Now get out of my sight, both of you.”

“But-“ Riley’s head pivoted between Drake and the colonel.

“No, buts. Let’s go.” Drake took her arm and pulled her from the room.

“Shit, I made it worse, didn’t I? I’m so sorry, Drake, I just wanted to help…”

“It’s ok, it’s not your fault.”

The hall was full of people, those that had legitimate business in that hallway and those that were just curiosity seekers, hanging out hoping to overhear some gossip. They could hear the snickers and the whispers as they walked through the crowd.

“Whore.”

“Common American trash.”

“Got what she deserved if you ask me.”

Drake stiffened but Riley dug her nails into his arms and pulled him forward. “Don’t, you’ll only make it worse.” She whispered as she held her head up high and kept her eyes dry and focused straight ahead. They would not get the satisfaction of her tears.

His jaw set and his lips pressed into a tight line, but he made it out of the hallway without another outburst.

Liam blinked, “I….I had no idea….”

“You just left her alone to deal with all of it Liam, Drake too.”

“That wasn’t my intention…” He repeated dully. No wonder she hates me, he thought.

“You know she blames herself for his suspension? She blames herself for all of it.”

“None of it was her fault….”

“I know that and you know that. Too bad Riley doesn’t believe it.”

“I wasn’t there for her, I get that. So, you used that to swoop back in-“

“I didn’t swoop Liam, and I didn’t use anything….she needed a friend!”

“That was more than friendship I saw out there!” Liam’s voice rose as he got agitated again.

Max shrugged, “What do you want me to say? I love the girl. I’m going to be there for her, in whatever way she needs me to be or wants me to be. If she needs a friend, I’m gonna be her friend. If she wants the D, I’m gonna give it to her, sorry, not sorry bro.”

“But she belongs with me, Max, don’t you see that? She’s mine!”

“You know what? She was mine before she was yours and when she wanted to end things with me to be with you, do you know what I did?”

“What?”

“Nothing! I told her I wanted her to be happy and if you made her happy, then she should be with you. Because I don’t own her, Li. And neither do you. You need to back off.”

He shook his head, “I can’t. I love her and she loves me, we belong together, Max, you may not see it, but it’s true!”

“Then give her time to-“

“Time to forget me? You’d like that, wouldn’t you? No. There has to be a way, and I’ll find it.”

Max sighed in frustration, and threw his hands up in the air, “Ok, man. I tried. Dig your own grave.”

“You don’t understand her the way I do, Max.”

“Sure. That’s why you showed up at my door asking me to go fix the mess you made with her…. again.”

“She’s mad at me right now, but once she calms down-“

“Ok, keep telling yourself that. I’m going to go check on her now. You can let yourself out.”

Max stepped into the hallway, shaking his head as he pulled the door shut behind and him and hurried down the hall to her room.

[makeste]

literally just another giant post of Bakugou faces.

so I did this last year, but I only got up to chapter 120 before I ran out of steam. happily, though, this left me with an additional 190 chapters’ worth of glorious gremlin faces to choose from for this year’s edition! which I figure I had better do, before tumblr finally pulls the plug on my poor sweet image limit.

so without further ado, happy birthday to Kacchan, and happy birthday to Kacchan’s asymmetrical HAH face where his eyes do the thing like ( ◣益◢).

why I like it: so this is from Kirishima’s flashback in chapter 133, where Kirishima was getting all down on himself because his quirk Only Does One Thing, and Kacchan was all “nah bro don’t worry about it because your One Thing is totally fucking rad, and you’re strong enough to withstand anything.” so that of course was incredibly sweet, and one of the few times we’ve seen him give an actual heartfelt pep talk without so much as a single insult thrown into the mix. but what really puts this scene over the top for me is the fact that you can see the ever-so-subtle hints of guilt and regret when he talks about All Might and Kamino. for just a moment, he gets this distant look in his eyes, and his expression turns soft and contemplative. basically this is a rare collector’s edition Kacchan face you will not find in many other places.

why I like it: because this frankly needs to happen in every damn fight until this kid finally gets it through his thick skull to ditch the mask so we can see every fantastic facial expression in full 4k glory. work with me here please Kacchan.

why I like it: because character growth!! this was our first big moment of post-DvK2 Kacchan development, and the payoff was well worth the wait. it only took him 166 chapters to realize that it’s hard to grow as a person if you’re determined to be a humongous dick to every single person you meet!! lmao, but it’s progress though.

why I like it: these two panels are criminally underrated. the way his face transforms when Deku gets the answer wrong dlkjfldk. this is easily one of the funniest subtle gags in the entire series.

why I like it: “hey Bakugou do you want to play in our band?” “fuck you, no.” “pretty please.” “fine, but I refuse to call it a band.” “well then what do you want to call it -- ” “MURDER.”

why I like it: GONNA MURDER EVERYONE BY PLAYING THE DRUMS!!!! SOMEHOW WE’VE SUCCESSFULLY COMPARTMENTALIZED THIS SCHOOL-SANCTIONED DISPLAY OF PERFORMING ARTS AS A DEATH MATCH. OH TO UNDERSTAND THE INNER WORKINGS OF THIS YOUNG MAN’S MIND.

why I like it: hah?! I love how he has to tilt his neck all the way back every single time he does this. he’s so cute I love him so much.

why I like it: somewhere around this point in the manga Kacchan decided to do away with being handsome and decided to just be a full-time gremlin in every single panel. this persisted for the next 90 chapters or so and he was very dedicated. I’m pretty sure he was going for vulgar and intimidating, but unfortunately for him he’s too inherently adorable and so the end result is just endearing and almost charming in its own way.

why I like it: this was from chapter 194 when Aizawa was announcing that they’d have a special guest for the Joint Training arc, and so Kacchan was all “BOY OH BOY A NEW ASS TO KICK.”

why I like it: more character development! and just look at that confidence! he’s fully recovered from his low point after Kamino and the provisional exam. he knows what he’s about now, and he is THRIVING. and once again you can see how his conviction inspires the people around him and makes them more determined. just, he is going to be such a good number one hero you guys.

why I like it: it’s the three little “!!!” lines hovering in the corner next to his head for me. “oh my god it’s All Might, All Might saw me being cool and Saving To Win and stuff, what’s he gonna say what do I do omg quick act natural.”

why I like it: QUICK HIDE YOUR FEELINGS!! WE CAN’T LET THE NEIGHBORS KNOW WE CARE. fjkdlsjklk

why I like it: this is his expression when he first sees Deku activate Blackwhip for the first time. it’s one of the few unguarded expressions of complete surprise that we’ve gotten from him and I love it thank you.

why I like it: classic asymmetrical HAH face. he truly has perfected this look. look at him, casually clinging to a pole for no reason other than to look dynamic. this boy truly cannot sit or stand or walk or do anything normally. he spent three months working his ass off to catch up to Deku and the others, and now that he finally has he’s filled with so much pent-up energy that he simply cannot hold it back anymore and he’s gotta climb a pole. he’s just gotta.

why I like it: because he is so fucking good at saving people now you guys, he’s like a whole-ass professional and shit, and yet it hasn’t changed who he is one single iota. he will save your life and he will SCREAM AT YOU WHILE DOING IT and you’ll sit there and be grateful goddammit.

why I like it: o noo he was caught unawares. All Might was all “I’m gonna have a dad moment and nobody can stop me” and he walked right up to him and put his hand on his head because he’s All Might and so what is he even gonna do about it. nothing, that’s what. you got played, Kacchan. outmaneuvered and outfoxed. all he can do is stand there and make that grumpy face he makes when he’s receiving unwanted affection (҂⌣̀_⌣́).

why I like it: more unwanted affection. now they’re even feeding him ffs. how could he let this happen. mm chicken.

why I like it: GREATEST ASYMETRICAL HAH?! FACE OF ALL TIME. out of all the people to befriend him against his will, Todoroki is by far the most confusing to him and it’s just so great.

why I like it: this is when Hawks is staring at him in chapter 244 because he fake-killed his mentor and stuff and he feels sorta guilty about it. but meanwhile Kacchan just thinks he’s trying to start some shit, and so he’s all “I WAS FASTER THAN YOU BACK THERE YOU KNOW” and Hawks is all “hahaha okay little buddy you just keep telling yourself that”, because as previously discussed Kacchan is too adorable to ever be intimidating.

why I like it: this is from 246 when he’s in the middle of arguing with Burnin’ and all of a sudden Endeavor calls to him and he’s just like o shit what’d I do.

why I like it: because Endeavor’s mentoring them and shit and he’s just casually sitting there eating his lunch like yeah. with his lil hamster cheeks lulz.

why I like it: the look that instantly became iconic. this panel cured me of the misconception that Bakugou “goes to bed at 8:30pm” Katsuki was a morning person. the truth is he loathes all times of the day equally.

why I like it: this one is a team effort because Deku’s faces are equally as good. I’m genuinely shocked that this family dinner with the Todorokis didn’t prematurely unlock Danger Sense. you can tell that he and Deku have a silent agreement to call a temporary truce on their rivalry for as long as they sit at this table as outsiders in this strange land. this is by far the most hazardous meal Bakugou has ever experienced, and yet the mapo tofu is too good to go to waste, so he’s just shoveling it down his throat trying to finish as much as possible before shit inevitably hits the fan.

why I like it: Kacchan is New Here so he doesn’t yet realize that if the Todorokis are spilling family secrets, there is always inevitably going to be someone listening in the shadows just outside the door.

why I like it: the battle with Ending was probably peak gremlin!Kacchan. like, we’ve had gremlin before and afterwards, but never quite to this same degree. Horikoshi really decided to push the limits of contorting this child’s face in the strangest ways.

why I like it: peak. gremlin.

why I like it: nothing to see here, just Kacchan quietly realizing after 252 chapters that he MIGHT have been just a BIT of a cartoonishly villainous asshole to Deku back at the beginning there ha ha ha oh god oh fuck.

why I like it: because he found the answer to What It Is That He Lacks, and he’s all cool and calm and infuriatingly secretive about it. it’s such a sudden and stark contrast to the gremlin faces he was making only moments earlier, and it makes this moment hit home that much more.

why I like it: because this is him being friends with Deku!! like for real though!! because he’s fucking around and insulting him and making weird faces and stuff, but it’s because in his mind That’s What Friends Do. they clown on each other and help each other train and shit. half an hour after this they’ll go down to the training gym and play Catch-A-Kacchan, and then he’ll quietly confess to All Might that he wants to atone. he may be a gremlin, but he’s a gremlin with layers goddammit.

why I like it: because this is right after TomurAFO shows up out of nowhere and scares the shit out of him and Deku and makes them see a terrifying death vision and stuff, and you can see how shaken up he is by it. he definitely understands how close they came to dying just then and he’s sobered the fuck up. this is the moment when it really sinks in that shit has gotten real. eight minutes from now he’ll move without thinking and save Deku’s life.

why I like it: hydro homies. nothing restores those electrolytes like good old Raquaius Sports Drink.

why I like it: because this panel was when it started to become clear that the real reason he grabbed this sports drink was to pretend like he was busy so he could act like he wasn’t interested in Deku’s training because god forbid the neighbors know that he actually cares.

why I like it: because the sideways glance!! and the fact that he doesn’t deny it!! in fact he does the opposite of denying it, and he basically starts pouring his heart out about how goddamn worried he actually is. he’s guilty and anxious and restless and this entire conversation is amazing.

why I like it: he looks so goddamn young here. when he finally stops scrunching up his face and putting on his usual tough guy act and for once allows his actual emotions to show on his face instead, the result is so damn striking. for once we got an entire conversation with no gremlin faces, because Horikoshi had to drop them completely in order to show just how serious he is here. which was incredibly effective btw.

why I like it: because he’s basically just fidgeting with the bottle now to avoid making eye contact with All Might because he just revealed a deep dark secret to him and he’s precariously vulnerable right now. that’s the body language of a kid who knows how badly he fucked up, and just wants to hear from someone else if it’s going to be okay, if he can still make it okay. he looks so small here.

why I like it: the worry lines under his eyes. the look of uncertainty and wanting to believe that what All Might says is true (“you’ll get a chance to talk eventually”). the hesitance to turn back and look at him, and the way he doesn’t dare until he finally gets that small bit of reassurance. All Might isn’t judging him. All Might understands him and understands where he’s coming from, and he’s giving him his blessing. he’s giving him a thumbs up and reassuring him that he sees the change in him and sees that he’s sincerely trying, and basically saying that he has faith that he and Deku will be able to work it out. and you can see that it means a lot.

why I like it: because this kid spent his entire internship with Jeanist doing nothing but bitching nonstop, and then later on when Jeanist went missing he was all tight-lipped about it because once again NOBODY CAN KNOW THAT WE CARE GODDAMMIT, and it was all very Classic Bakugou. but then Jeanist finally shows up again at Jakku, and we get this little moment of happy, smirky FUCK YEAH, I KNEW YOU WEREN’T DEAD YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, and it’s just the best.

why I like it: HE’S SO UNABASHEDLY PROUD GOD BLESS HIM.

why I like it: because he nearly died and then he woke up here in the hospital two days later not knowing where anybody else is or whether they’re even still alive, and this, my friends. this is finally the moment. the moment where he was all FUCK IT, MAYBE WE CAN LET THE NEIGHBORS KNOW WE CARE AFTER ALL. character fucking development. you love to see it.

BONUS:

WHAT HAVE I BECOME, MY SWEETEST FRIEND. EVERYONE I KNOW GOES AWAY IN THE END.

happy birthday Katsuki. feel better sweetie. HORIKOSHI YOU BETTER TREAT HIM RIGHT I AM COUNTING ON YOU.

[qjhughes]

fic recs january 2021

hi guys!! okay so i got to thinking and i’ve seen a lot of these posts around so i made my own!! i think that fic rec masterposts are such a great way to support writers and get more people to have the chance of seeing fics!!! plus i’m leaving a bit of feedback too :))

if you know of any fics that you’d like to share a little love on / you’d like me to read so that i can reblog and give it a little love, send me an ask with the title and the author’s url!!! 

so here it is, all the fics that i read in january 2021 (and the very end of december but i’m including them anyway)

total number of fics listed: 92 (series counted as a single piece)

@moonchildstyles

aster / tattoo artist harry aster | daffodil | sweet pea | gardenia | poppy

i read this entire series at like 8 am after not sleeping the night before and oh my god i was literally so soft!! like this is so fucking cute i literally felt like i was going to throw up the entire time (in the best way yk) like omg the butterflies i got from this series? unmatched. also, i feel that it’s necessary to add the part of this that made my heart absolutely explode: Harry’s thumb stroked her jawline, a smile molding his features. “Y’not a baby love, unless you want to be my baby. And I like you a lot, too. And stuff. like okay kill me <3

citrine / witch harry citrine | opal | lepidolite | sodalite | carnelian | angelite

alright so h is literally so sweet in this one!! he’s so gentle and lovely and i truly fell in love with him in the very first few paragraphs. and he’s so out of tune with everything but he’s trying his best to understand and just... sigh. “I’d look forever for you, if I had to.” love love love this line so much it’s literally the perfect way to tie everything together

chiaroscuro / vampire harry chiaroscuro | sfumato | craquelore | non finito | fresco | renaissance 

this is very creepy during the first chapter but in such a good way!!! i literally found myself gasping and i barely ever vocally react to a fic unless i am squealing at the fluff or crying but i vocally react to lindsee’s fics literally they are so good pleaseee. and omg the growth throughout this fic truly is impeccable i swear.

@gucciwins

adore you

okay this is so cute!!! loved every single word of it!!! there was a bit of angst at the very beginning that had my heart hurting but it was all mended by the end!!! the dad!harry content was absolutely immaculate omg i literally loved reading about atticus!!!!! i absolutely love long pieces and i think that this piece was the perfect length!! there were so many things that were packed in there but it didn’t seem rushed or jumbled or anything like that!!!!

@soysauceharry

watashi no sakura

okay first things first, i love japanrry in any form so i knew just by looking at the description that i was going to love this regardless of what was in it. to be honest i didn’t expect him to have a penny board that he used to get everywhere but there’s something so cute about that to me. throughout this entire fic, i was so amazed at the way that their relationship moved along so naturally and at such a good pace. i feel like there’s an art to making things move along at the right pace, and you definitely have that down!! i truly loved this fic so much and will probably be coming back at times to reread!

@havethetimeofyourstyles

143

i am very in love with this!!! boxer!h is so freaking yummy plus it’s so well written that i can feel everything, which is so amazing. i love that i’m able to feel all the emotions and picture everything while reading!! my heart broke a bit for harry while he was sad and just looking for love in any way he could find it. like mega sigh. also, i love the way that the characters are introduced. like, y/n doesn’t come at the very beginning but it’s so natural when she’s finally introduced. and omg the interactions that they had??? the reassurances??? *chef’s kiss*

baby, it’s cold outside

before i even started reading this, i knew i would love it!!! teacher!h has a special place in my heart for some reason i truly love him so much!! oh my god the yearning in this piece is so heartbreaking!!!! i literally read through the entire thing thinking that i was going to cry because of how much i could feel y/n and harry yearning for each other. sigh this is so cute i will definitely be rereading (most likely multiple times)

bright & blooming

ahhh this is literally so cute i live for the long distance friendships + only seeing each other over the summer!!! that is literally so amazing to me that you love someone that much to wait all year to only see them for a month!!! and this was such a good representation of the love and yearning that come with that!!! and i absolutely adore the way that you described each of them and their nicknames for each other!!!! love love love!!!

where the world takes you

this is my study abroad dream!!!!! the loveliness of them meeting and drunk!harry is just so sweet i love it so much!!! and the way that the flashback is in the middle and explains everything is so genius!!! and the full circle of it all makes me so happy!!! also the way that i cried at the end of the four months!! like that was heartbreaking but everything was pieced back together as it went along!!!

extra credit

this is prof!h so you know it’s great!!! i am such a sucker for this au i swear. this was so cute!! the way that everything progressed and the confession and the tension!!!! and then the “Yours.” at that one part had me screaming!!! and the way that he literally had a plan oh my god that’s so cute!!!! i love their dynamic so much!!!

deep sleep

this is so :) :( :) :( if that makes sense!! like i love love love dad!harry but there are just a few things that make me want to sob <3 i absolutely adore it though!!!!! it’s very sweet how mr. styles comes out here comforting as he should!!!!

beautiful inside & out

this is so sweet oh my god it’s beautifully written and i really felt everything that was going on!! personally, i’m not a person of color, but i think that this piece truly was written so wonderfully and it’s very lovely!!!! the insecurities made me literally want to cry, but the way that h was there to comfort was very nice, it made me so soft!!

admiring

this is so sweet!! the background snippet in there is so well done i love getting to know exactly how they met!!! and the way that harry’s being admired is just!!! so good!!!! like i love the descriptions and the feelings connected to that!!!! the entire thing is just so cute!!

for your eyes only

i shed tears reading this!! like it is so sad but also so happy!! i know that makes no sense but there was just a sense of my heart breaking and then it being put back together again and i love that!!! definitely a fantastic use of ‘if i could fly’ which is one of my fav one direction songs so that’s just a plus honestly!!!

@greenorangevioletgrass

to feel good

miss ava!!!! coming out strong with your first harry fic!!!! it’s so lovely, so pure, so sweet!!!! the memories that are included make everything that much better!!! the flashback really fills out everything nicely!!! the interaction that the two of them had at the end was so comforting to read like... that’s literally one of the most wonderful endings i’ve ever experienced on a fic like this!!!

@adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy

demon!harry  angel!y/n -  a total of 51 blurbs, drabbles, and one-shots demon!y/n - a total of 8 blurbs, drabbles, and one-shots

yeah okay so there are...... a lot of things here so i’ll do a demon!harry + angel!y/n feedback thingy and a different one for demon!harry + demon!y/n demon!harry + angel!y/n: he’s such an asshole but he’s... already kinda turning soft like... he’s already got the little simp showing through!!  “ When it comes to love, if it doesn’t hurt, it isn’t fun.” i’ll cry right here right now what the fuck is this?? sigh. “Tell me…” He gulps thickly, licking his burning lips in anticipation, “tell me you want me. Tell me this— whatever this is— tell me it’s real.” yeah that made me almost scream literally shut up andrea. also not me reading this and literally sobbing at some of the pieces like... no <3 “I promise on my soul— as damned as it may be— that I will not let anything bad happen to you. I swear.” i literally want to set myself on fire what the hell the things your brain comes up with literally what the fuck. i literally read all 51 pieces in a day and cried a million times but they were just because i’m soft for simprry. demon!harry + demon!y/n: okay so i am writing this after i’ve read the first two pieces and.... that escalated quite quickly i would say!!! if you like smut, you’ll like this!!!!!! if you like smut just go to andrea she’s got you!!!!! and we see some more simprry but not full swing because he doesn’t want to admit that he’s wrapped around her finger!!! and the way they’re not exclusive but they’re each other’s? *chef’s kiss* 

@jawllines

harry is the bad boy cliché of y/n’s dreams, she just doesn’t know it yet

this is so very sweet, so very soft!! all the pet names have me crying omg it’s literally one of the cutest things!!!! the way harry is so soft for her and he’s just so sweet and so obvious about his feelings even though she doesn’t completely see it is so sweet!!!!

harry’s a porn star and y/n is new

i love their dynamic here!! they automatically click and everything between them is so genuine and lovely!!! the way that they care about each other so immensely even though they haven’t known each other that long is so beautiful!!

harry is y/n’s dominant 

okay obviously this is like... smut but it’s so much more than that!!! their relationship is so sweet and lowkey domestic even from the very beginning and i love the trust that they have in each other!!! very cute!! and the ending was so so perfect!!!

y/n works in a roller rink and harry goes there to read

literally so sweet!!! the shy, kinda introverted h is to ide for!!!! and the way that they’re so cute together ahhh!!!!!! and i absolutely love the way that they support each other and are falling for each other before they even admit that they are!!!!

harry’s a vampire and y/n never dresses for the weather 

i love how when they met it wasn’t on great terms and he couldn’t get her off his mind so he was like “no, stay away!” but he was already so whipped for her and then!!!! when he asked how to be warm for her??? that made me so soft i literally thought i was going to cry.

harry and y/n are best friends and y/n isn’t his “type” (or so she’s heard)

this is so absolutely soft!!! they’re so whipped for each other and don’t even know it!!! and miss y/n hearing things made my heart break but all was well at the end!!! love love love!!! the entire dynamic that they have is so fun plus there were peeks of jealous h so that’s always a win!!!

y/n and harry don’t really mesh well, until they do

we love a bit of an enemies to lovers moment!! and the whole “y/n’s being a good friend to jeff, that’s it” and the tension and the drunk cuteness and literally all of it, it’s so wonderful!! harry being a softie is one of my weaknesses and although he’s a bit mean at first, he redeems himself!!

harry’s on the football team and y/n steals a dog

this is absolutely so cute!!! y/n has such a beautiful little personality and harry feeling things with her even though his “reputation” is different than hanging out with people like her is so great!! and the way that he takes up for her and the way that she comforts him is so lovely!!

harry is y/n’s grumpy neighbor and he has a secret part 2

this is actually the second time that i’ve read this fic tbh!! it’s just so good!! the dynamic of him trying to stay away from her because it’s dangerous for her to be too close to him and then him trying even harder to stay away from her and hide his feelings only for her to make a move is golden.

y/n pretends to be harry’s girlfriend

okay this one hurt a bit at first. i wanted to flick h in the forehead at first for trying to make someone else jealous with y/n but he redeemed himself as he does so i shall let him off the hook this time haha. i think that the way that they progress is so sweet plus!!! everyone loves a good fake dating au!!!

werewolves exist... pt. 2

this is the first werewolf au i’ve read in a while and it’s actually really good!! i love how everything progressed and the way that harry was like.... this isn’t supposed to happen like this!!!! it’s all very cute and it’s very enemies to lovers-esque even though they aren’t enemies lmao

y/n delivers sweets and harry lives on the side of a mountain

this made me so sad tbh like... the fact that they treated harry so bad just because they judged him before they know him makes me so sad and i really wanted to punch some people but it’s a fictional universe so i can’t actually do that lol. but the way that y/n was with him made me so soft i really love this piece

y/n is on harry’s tour crew and harry just think’s she’s lovely

y/n is so sweet in this piece!!! it makes my heart hurt when harry gets overwhelmed and snaps but thankfully everything is well in the end and he gets his act together so that he can realize what is truly important!!!

harry is y/n’s criminology instructor part 2

this dynamic is an automatic yes and that’s on my love for this au. anyway, the way that he was like “it’s just a kiss” made me absolutely want to scream but i didn’t and thankfully i didn’t write him off as a prick because he’s actually so sweet and he takes care of her and loves her and just... he’s everything.

harry used y/n as a model for his art final

i wanted to smack harry upside the head so hard when he kept talking about his crush when y/n just wanted a good partner. thankfully he finally saw the light and realized that the only thing he wants is y/n by his side because y/n is there for him and cares about him and loves him

[indecisive-behaviors]

Originally I was just going to add this as a reblog to my previous post about the parking lot scene in KK2 but it’s almost 2k words so now it’s getting it’s own post. Be forewarned- this is fucking long.

TW for discussion of PTSD, child abuse, neglect, injury, and death, in relation to topics surrounding the show, under the cut-

Obviously, Cobra Kai is a show based around the premise of “what happened to that Lawrence kid after he got kicked in the face?”, which is honestly a pretty cool idea for a show. Johnny’s story is never explained past sitting on the sidewalk with his head in his hands at the tournament, and there are no real context clue’s to figure out what may or may not have happened.

In the show we get to learn early on that Johnny’s life spiraled after the tournament, going from bad to worse to “holy shit how are you still alive”-dropping out/never going to college, working jobs he seems to hate, becoming an alcoholic, presumably many dead end relationships, and not being there for his kid. And yeah, obviously, this would be a hard pill to swallow for anyone watching the show if Johnny had just lost the tournament. If we never got the scene in KK2, he would have just been some kid who lost a tournament- we see at the end of the first movie that(through tears holy shit Billy) that Johnny is the one who gives the trophy to Daniel with his famous line, “You’re alright, LaRusso.” There’s a level of grudging respect in that moment that isn’t lost on anyone who sees that movie- that Johnny, who throughout the movie only sees Daniel as some whimpy kid, gets proven wrong and respects that. If we didn’t have that scene, there’s reason to believe Johnny would have apologized, tried to make amends, Something, even if it was just being less of a dick at school.

But then, we get the parking lot. We get a far off shot, intended to distance you from the scene, framed over Daniel’s shoulder. This makes sense, Daniel is the main character, the protagonist, the underdog hero- why wouldn’t it be framed in his perspective? But the scene is about Johnny. We get the shouting match, the back and forth- “No, you’re the loser man.”- and again it’s fairly obvious how Johnny sees this situation. This is a man who we assume(and is later confirmed) to be a surrogate father figure, who set his friend up for failure, and then basically forced him to do the same by targeting an injured opponent, and forcing him to fight without honor. This same man presumably follows a teenager out to the parking lot, to harass him, to tell him he’s off the team, to tell him he’s a loser, that he’s nothing.

But at that point, Johnny knows the truth, even if subconsciously. At the end of the day Johnny knows that Daniel LaRusso was a worthy opponent, and that regardless of the cheating and manipulation, Daniel could have won anyway, and did win, despite of it.

And then Kreese grabs him, too fast to react to, Johnny too surprised even knowing that Kreese is the bad guy here, not believing that he would ever willingly hurt him- and Johnny isn’t strong enough to fight him off, none of the boys are, so Johnny is forced to suffocate for almost a full 30 seconds(which I double checked for the record- also as a reference, 30 seconds is about the average time it takes for a person voluntarily holding their breath to pass out- this does not account for the oxygen lost during a struggle, and the lack of preparation from both surprise and panic. The only silver lining here is the fact that Kreese was most likely compressing his windpipe, not his jugular, which would have made him pass out in about 5-10 seconds, and would have caused permanent brain damage or death in about 15).

Now, PTSD is a complex thing. I’m not a psychiatrist, and what small amount of information we have is all we have to work off of, but I feel fairly comfortable in saying Johnny mostly likely developed it after the incident. This not an uncommon take in the fandom as far as I’m aware either. But, if we assume this, we also have to assume that after the fact nothing would have been done about this. Not just in the sense that we still don’t really know everything that happened right after the tournament, but that in the early 80s, PTSD wasn’t really a thing yet.

Sure it was absolutely a condition that existed, but Post Traumatic Stress Disorder wasn’t even added to the DSM-III until 1980- and for a long time afterward, was only seen as a condition that affected primarily war vets. Even after an event as traumatic as having a man you considered a father trying to kill you, in public, without remorse, would not have been seen as something to warrant the diagnoses, let alone treatment.

Johnny Lawrence was 17 when Kreese tried to kill him, and this boy would have been offered no resources beyond filing charges with the police. And as we see in KK3, either this didn’t happen either, or someone(presumably Silver) got the charges dropped. So on top of almost being murdered, Johnny had to live with the fact that the man who did that to him was still out there, and to top it off, still ran a dojo at least for a few months after the event. The only relief he could have gotten is after Kreese faked his death.

And sure, Mr Miyagi may have gotten Kreese to let go eventually, but as several people have pointed out in comments and tags, left him and the other boys alone with Kreese still standing there in the parking lot and just... drove off. Kreese has already been established to be a psycho with no problem hurting children, a little bit of glass might not have prevented him from trying again.

So why did I talk about all of that? Because it all contributes to why Daniel LaRusso works as a credible antagonist in season 1 of Cobra Kai.

Think about this- Johnny blames losing everything on Daniel in season 1, but we specifically get a shot in KK1 and later KK2(”You’re alright, LaRusso” and “I did my best” come to mind) where he seems to be at least mostly accepting of the fact that he lost(with what was actually an illegal kick but that’s a rant for another time). So why does he blame him for everything 30 years later?

Because 30 years later, Johnny is forced to go outside, go to work, and pretend like he doesn’t see what feels like every street corner(including right outside his apartment mind you), a literal billboard sized reminder of what happened to him.

The rest of this is mostly speculation but it makes sense in my head so bear with me.

When we get introduced to Robby, it’s made pretty clear that Johnny has not been in his life for a bit. In season 2 we get Johnny’s heart to heart with Miguel, where he divulges that he missed the birth, because he spiraled after his mom’s death. This however doesn’t suggest that he stayed gone, especially knowing that it wasn’t long enough for Robby to not consider seeking out his dad. Because tacked up to the fridge, is a picture of Robby in his soccer uniform as a kid. It’s an early detail you can see in previous episodes, and says a lot about how Robby grew up. To be fair, this could have been given to him by Shannon, and not taken himself, but it’s the sport Robby’s playing that makes me question this. KK1 dedicates an entire scene to Johnny being on the soccer team in high school. Soccer, while maybe not as important to him as karate, is still part of his character. Robby does not know karate in season 1, Johnny obviously didn’t share it with him, but that doesn’t mean Johnny didn’t share anything with him.

So Johnny’s back in his kids life, maybe doing better for himself, maybe cutting back on the drinking. LaRusso Auto is already established to exist at this point but it’s in Encino, a place Johnny has no reason to go to, and probably doesn’t want to. He’s trying again and things are okay. But Robby knows enough about Daniel to know that going to him will piss off his dad. So Johnny had to have talked about him at some point. The billboards here are what’s important- they’re in the first episode, the first scene montage, Johnny draws a dick on one of them as some petty revenge.

The first billboard goes up in the late 2000s to mid 2010s. Johnny sees it, maybe he has Robby with him at the time, maybe he goes home and says something there, but he says something in a way that sticks with even a child as being important. More billboards go up. Dealerships starting popping up more and more. Daniel’s face, and by extension, the memories, the flashbacks, become inescapable. Johnny, for a third time, spirals again. Before he even knows what’s happening, he’s lost his relationship with his son. And it’s all Daniel’s fault. Of course Daniel doesn’t do it deliberately, but the constant reminders are enough to send him back into a tailspin and Johnny blames him for it.

Because it’s Daniel who is a constant reminder of his failures- it’s Daniel who caused him to lose the tournament and almost get killed, Daniel who put up the billboards that trigger his flashbacks, it’s always Daniel Daniel Daniel.

And then Johnny gets it in his head that he wants to be better. He opens a dojo, teaches Miguel and the other kids, wants to try again- and he almost succeeds.

Johnny up to this point has not deliberately antagonized Daniel in any way. Sure he named the dojo Cobra Kai, but Cobra Kai is all he knows. Besides Johnny doesn’t blame karate for his failures, his best memories are Cobra Kai and he’s trying to be better than Kreese. So what’s the harm in this really? His building is in Reseda, there’s no reason for Daniel to ever be there, he doesn’t do it out of spite, it’s because he lives there and rent is cheap. He doesn’t know about KK3, doesn’t know about Daniel’s own trauma. This isn’t an attack. Johnny sincerely just doesn’t know.

Enter Daniel, stage left. Daniel makes no attempt to talk to him- he simply makes demands and accusations, before he starts making active attempts to put him out of business.

Sure, we as the audience know Daniel has good reasons to not want Cobra Kai back. But Johnny doesn’t. All Johnny knows is that the kid he picked on in high school- who won, who got everything Johnny wanted, who grew up to be successful, has a wonderful wife, two kids who love him, a thriving business- is doing everything he can to make his life hell 30 years after the fact.

And this could only have happened because in 1986 John G. Avildsen decided to add in a scene meant for the original movie into the sequel, for absolutely no fucking reason.

[alltooreid]

Clean

As Spencer struggles to overcome his dilaudid addiction, Y/N is dealing with an addiction of her own, to her toxic, manipulative boyfriend. This is an account of a full year, following their joint journeys to sobriety and new love.

A/N: Hi!! I have another Taylor Swift inspired Spencer Reid one shot (but of course you do not need to know the song to understand the one shot). Although originally I was going to write something more fluffy, I switched to this song to write something more angsty and interesting. However, to change pace from my last one shot, this one has a much happier, hopeful ending. However, it is very triggering so please read the trigger warnings before you start. Also, if you have any songs you want to read please let me know!! Also, if you just have a general request please send it my way! Thank you so much for the love on my All Too Well one shot, I never thought my first fanfic on here would be so well received!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Type: Angst, but hopeful angst

Word Count: 7.6K

Content Warnings: Cursing, mentally and physically abusive relationship, relationship cheating (ie, reader is being cheated on), blood and cuts description, drug addiction (these parts are kept short purposefully), lots of fighting and yelling both in reader’s relationship and between Spencer and reader, however, there is a happy and hopeful ending. Reader is struggling to get out of her toxic relationship, please no comments about her being stupid. If you are in a situation like Y/N, please don’t use this fic as a guide. Get help immediately. https://www.thehotline.org/

Things to Know: Italics and bold are flashback moments, the time and date headers serve as time skips :) let me know what you think! Please request any songs you would like to see be made one shots!

“You're still all over me Like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore Hung my head as I lost the war And the sky turned black like a perfect storm”

3:27 AM, April 16th, 2007.

You have known Spencer for a long time. In fact, you’ve known him longer than you’ve known Randall, and you’ve felt like you’ve known Randall your entire life.

Maybe that’s because you let him become your entire life.

Still, although you had known Spencer for 7 years, 2 years longer than the entirety of your on again, off again relationship with Randall. You still felt weird calling him. He was going through a lot right now, not that he wasn’t normally. Spencer had one of the most difficult jobs you could think of. You know Spencer has shot and killed people before, and you know every time he did it ate him up inside.

And every time he did he called you.

You also knew that Spencer is one of the kindest people you have ever met, you struggle to imagine him wielding a gun on a daily basis. He just seems too sweet, too perfect.

Yet there was a lot you didn’t know about the young genius.

You have no idea that as you stand in the street, contemplating whether you should call Spencer to come and get you, Spencer is making a difficult decision of his own. As you worry about the possibility of waking Spencer up this early in the morning, Spencer sits wide awake and ponders if he has enough time to get high before he has to leave for work in 3 hours.

As you sit on the side of the road, debating between your very few options, Spencer leads up against the side of his bathtub tears pouring down his cheeks, tears that he doesn’t even register as being there.

Fortunately for the both of you, at the same time Spencer reaches into his bag to search for that tiny glass bottle, his phone begins to ring.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

You sigh, “He kicked me out again Spencer, is there anyway you can come get me?”

Spencer looks around his apartment, frantically hiding the belt and the needles he had gotten out for the events he was anticipating. “Yeah, of course I can come get you, um, just give me a couple minutes and send me your location.”

3:52 AM, April 16th, 2007.

You’re in the passenger’s seat of Spencer’s car, both of you sitting in silence. This situation isn’t new to either of you, Spencer has picked you up plenty of times before, in fact he’s done it for years now. One time, about 3 years into your relationship with Randall, you were permitted to go out by yourself with Spencer’s team, they wanted to meet you, apparently Spencer talked about you all the time. While you were at dinner with them, Morgan asked you if you had a car of your own. You explained that you did, but that your boyfriend had it a majority of the time, and that when he didn’t he hated you using it because you always had to mess with everything. He hates you touching his stuff. Morgan made a weird face about that answer, so you quickly followed up, explaining that you didn’t mind.

You do mind though. You hate how he never lets you touch anything or go anywhere, and you hate how much he despises your only form of transportation.

Spencer.

Randall hates everything about Spencer Reid, and he especially hates seeing his car pull into your driveway. That’s why after the 8th time he kicked you out, you started walking half a mile to the nearest gas station before calling Spencer.

The first time Spencer came to get you Randall came out to talk to you before you left.

“What are you doing? Who is this?”

“It’s Spencer, he’s gonna take me to his apartment.” you explained, confused why Randall was so angry you were leaving when he was the one who had kicked you out.

“Oh so just because I don’t want to look at your bitchass all night that means you can go sleep with another man? I knew you were a whore Y/N. You know him and his stupid fucking car aren’t going to be able to deal with you the way I can. How old is that thing anyway?”

“Randall, calm down, I’m not sleeping with Spencer. I love you, I don’t want to sleep with anyone else. But I’m not gonna sit out here all night, where else should I go?”

“Well maybe if you weren’t so quick to whore yourself out to the easiest man you could find I would invite you back inside,” he said before slamming the door in your face.

So you got in Spencer’s car, the one Randall would grow to hate so much.

“Are you okay Y/N? He didn’t hit you did he? You know you can come live with me, you should really get out of that house, I can get Morgan tomorrow and we can go get your belongings. I have plenty of-”

You snapped at him, “No Spencer he’s not hitting me! Why do you always jump to that conclusion, Randall is a great guy! I would’ve never called you if you were going to jump to conclusions like this. You’re supposed to be a genius, yet you’re acting like such a dumb ass right now.”

Spencer looked at you, and immediately you regretted your words. You knew Spencer was just worried about you and with his line of work he had reason to be. However before you could apologize he spoke again.

“I’m sorry Y/N, forget I said anything.”

You both sat in silence for a few moments before you even knew what to say, and yet all you could think of was, “Hey Spence, what kind of car do you drive?”

He smiled, “It’s a 1965 Volvo Amazon P130 122S, it’s horizon blue, that’s the color they refer to it as. Did you know they’re known as so reliable that the 4 door models are still used as police vehicles in some places. This one’s a two door, but still runs great. . . “

You smiled, how fitting a man as reliable as Spencer Reid had the perfect car to match.

When you get to Spencer’s apartment something seems off. Spencer has always lived in organized chaos, but this just feels different. Unlike his normal mess, this one feels like a blatant disregard for his things, even some of his most prized possessions. His books are strewn across the floors, his clothes overflowing from his laundry basket, which was a mix of both folded, clean, yet to be put away things and worn items. Weirdly, the one place that looks untouched is his kitchen, as if he hasn’t used it in months. And you mean that in the most literal interpretation, his counters are covered in visible, undisturbed dust.

“Thank you so much Spencer, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

He smiles, but his eyes look so tired. “Don’t worry about it Y/N.”

And at 4:47, you finally fall asleep in Spencer’s bedroom, which he insists you take, and he stays awake until he leaves for work just a few hours later.

9:33 PM, April 17th, 2007.

You leave Spencer’s apartment the following night, after an unfortunate screaming match with him. You have never seen him so angry, so easily ticked off. Yet as soon as Randall called you Spencer became aggressive.

“Yeah babe, I’ll be home as soon as I can. I’ll take a cab and be home within the hour. Of course I’m not mad at you sweetheart, I know you didn’t mean it. I love you, see you soon.”

Spencer exitted his kitchen in a huff, and opened his mouth to start talking before you spoke up.

“I’m sure you’ve overheard already, but Randall’s letting me back in the house. Thank you so much Spence. I really appreciate everything you do to help me. Call me soon please, I definitely owe you lunch,” you said, grabbing your coat and your phone, the only things you had managed to grab from your home before your unplanned eviction.

“Why do you even stay with him Y/N? Why do you keep going back there?” Spencer yelled. You had never seen him like this before, so livid and irritable.

“I love him Spence, and he loves me,” you explained, and you were telling the truth. You do love Randall, and you know that in his heart he loves you too, even if he got a little angry sometimes.

“If he loved you he wouldn’t treat you like this Y/N! Don’t you think I would know? I see this everyday! It’s my job! And yet my best friend is too stupid to realize she’s been in an abusive relationship for almost 6 years!”

You were just as angry now, “You’re wrong Spencer, I don’t wanna hear this okay? I love Randall and he loves me. We deserve each other.”

Spencer’s face softened before growing angry once more, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Fuck you Spencer, I’m going home. I don’t need you and I don't need your help,” you said, grabbing your things and slamming the door open. You were lying, you need Spencer and you need his help more than anything, but you didn’t want to admit that while he was being such a dick.

“Fine!” he yelled, “Go run back to him then, but you better not call me when he kicks you out again. I don’t care anymore!”

And so you left, Spencer slammed the door behind you as you stormed out of his apartment. You didn’t stop to think about the fact that Spencer never acts like this. He has never lashed out at you, never questioned your relationship with Randall to your face, let alone scream at you and insult you because of it. You didn’t stop and think about what Spencer was on, or not on, that was making his act like this.

But you thought about it now.

You want to get home before Randall starts to get upset and suspicious, but now after your fight with Spencer you have to walk home. You couldn’t ask him to borrow cash for a cab, let alone ask him to drive you there. You were stuck walking, which also meant you were stuck with Randall’s wrath when you returned.

You already feel terrible about the way you treated Spencer. You think about going to apologize, and stand in front of the door for a second, weighing the pros and cons of doing so. Eventually, you go to turn away, ultimately deciding that you both needed to calm down before speaking to each other again.

Yet as you turn, the door opens. Spencer stands right there, strangely calm, seemingly out of it. All fury and anger you had seen just minutes before gone. In this moment he resembles Randall, and it's the first time you’ve ever been able to draw any comparison to the two.

It’s scary.

“Spencer I-” but you get cut off, not by words, but by an object. Before you can even register what was just thrown in your face the door is closed again. You duck down to grab what was thrown.

Twenty dollars.

For the cab ride home.

1:34 AM, April 23rd, 2007.

You light the final candle on your dining room table, before stepping back to admire your work. Randall always came home so late from work, so you rarely ate dinner together. But today was your anniversary, so you stayed up late, prepared his favorite meal and set up all of your fancy dinnerware so that you could have a very late dinner together before he goes to bed and you go to work. He should be home any minute now.

Yet 3 hours later Randall is not back. You’re just about to cut your losses and call it a night, and start to clean up the melted down candles and cold steak dinner as you hear your front door open.

“Y/N! What are you doing still awake?”

“Do you know what day it is Randall? Because I do.”

He looks down at his watch, checks the time, and looks back up at you, “Well it is now 3:57 AM, meaning it is now Monday. Which is why I’m curious as to what you’re still doing up sweetheart, you have to be at work in 3 hours.” “There’s something special about THIS Monday Randall,” you sigh, you’re disappointed but not surprised, this has happened for the past 3 years.

“Do you have a project going on at work baby? You know I can’t keep track of all that crap, your job is so silly and easy to lose track of. You have to remind me of these things if you actually want me to care about them.”

“It’s our anniversary Randall.”

He stops, but instead of looking guilty or remorseful (like you secretly hoped), he gets livid, “No it’s not, are you stupid or something?”

“Randall, baby it’s okay, it’s not a big deal.”

“No! You stupid fucking bitch, are you trying to make me look bad, cooking this stupid fancy dinner and staying up late. Trying to lie and act like I forgot our five year anniversary?! Stop playing the victim Y/N. So tell me, are you lying to make me feel bad, or is your brain really that fucking empty?”

“It’s our six year anniversary,” you whisper.

“What did you just say?”

“I said I was just being stupid Randall. You’re right baby, I forgot the date of our anniversary.”

He snarls. “I don’t think so Y/N, I think, actually I know that not only are you stupid, but that you’re a liar. I know that you just want to make me look bad by preparing our anniversary dinner a week early. And you have to push it by claiming we’ve been together for six years. I know it’s five. I’m not stupid.”

“I’m sorry, babe,” you cry.

“NO YOU’RE NOT!” he yells, pushing his plate of steak and mashed potatoes, letting your parent’s wedding china shatter on the ground. You cry harder. “You’re a stupid, waste of my time Y/N. Five wasted years I’ve spent on you. Do you know why I do it, huh. Do you know why I stay with you when I could have one of the beautiful, rich, successful, truthful women I’m fucking?”

You shake your head.

“It’s because I feel pity for you. No other man would want you. I’m the only one that will ever love you. You know that right Y/N?” He picks up a piece of your hair, gently tucking it behind your ear. “Tell me that I’m the only one who will love you, you know it’s the truth right?” You nod your head. In a swift motion Randall turns, grabs a glass full of red wine and chucks it at the wall, narrowly avoiding your left ear.

“I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY IT.”

“You’re the only one who will ever love me Randall,” you croak out in between sobs.

He closes the distance between you two once more, gripping your chin and jerking your face so that your eyes meant his. It hurts, and makes you cry more, but you don’t say anything.

“Don’t you know it sweetness,” he lets go, delivers a sharp slap to your check and grips your wrist. “Now clean your mess up, and then I think it’s best if you get out of the house for a little bit, don’t you agree?”

You nod quickly. He smiles.

“Good girl, now I would normally be worried about you going to hook up with that string bean you’re always all over, but according to the last time I went through your phone, he isn’t in your recent calls. Glad to know he’s finally done with your bullshit. I’m sure a nice long walk alone will do you good. You can think about what led you to lying tonight, and then maybe you can come back in time for our real anniversary.”

He slips upstairs, so you clean up the rest of the uneaten meal and the broken wine class, cutting up your hands severely in the process. You spend at least an hour in a futile attempt to get red wine stains off of your wallpaper, before grabbing your phone and purse and running out the door.

Even after what Randall says, you still think about calling Spencer. Your thumb hovers over the call button for a minute until you switch the contact, phoning your boss instead. You inform her you need a personal day, and that it’s a family emergency.

You check the time, 6:53. Spencer is almost definitely on his way to work right now. You want to call him so bad, but the things he said you ring through your mind. You can’t ask for his help anymore.

For the first time, you are truly on your own.

Until a familiar horizon blue Volvo pulls up next to the curb you’re sitting on, and Spencer Reid sticks his head out the window.

“Y/N? What are you doing here? Get it the car, come on I’ll drive you to work with me.”

Confused as you are, this is your best option right now. So you climb into the passenger seat of his car, refusing to make eye contact with him, instead looking at your bleeding hands. “Oh my god, Y/N. You’re bleeding. Did Randall do this to you? Why didn’t you call me?”

“No, Spencer, Randall didn’t do this to me. He dropped a wine glass and I helped him pick it up. Now just drive.” And he does, drive that is. But you can feel his stares, on your cut up hands, and you forming bruises. You can feel him profiling the signs of abuse on your body.

But more than that you hate that you can feel he’s upset with you. Upset because you didn’t call him. Does he not remember screaming at you not too?

He pulls into the parking lot, parks the car and finally turns to make eye contact with you. He has tears in his, “I really wish you would’ve called me Y/N. If it’s getting this bad I want you to stay with me.”

“Spencer am I going insane?”

“Of course not, what do you mean?” he looks so gentle, so kind and you’re so confused.

“Do you remember what day me and Randall started dating?”

“Yes, it was April 23rd, 2001. 6 years ago today actually. Is that why he did this to you? Does it have anything to do with that?”

“How can you remember that but not our screaming match a week ago?” you laughed, your hands burned now, there’s definitely glass in there, you swear you can feel the tiny little shards in your blood.

“What do you mean, Y/N? We didn’t scream at each other? I haven’t even seen you in weeks. How long has he been hitting you? Why didn’t you call me sooner?”

“Spencer, on the 16th you picked me up and took me back to your apartment because Randall kicked me out. On the evening of the 17th I went to leave because Randall told me I could come home. You said I was being abused and called me stupid for going back to him. When we fought about it I stormed out and you told me not to call you if he kicked me out again because you didn’t care anymore. That’s why I didn’t call you.”

You look up at Spencer, and nearly start crying yourself when you see his crumpled face. Tears are freely spilling down his cheeks.

“I’m so sorry Y/N. I don’t remember that,” he pushes his long hair out of his face, clearly frazzled, “I- I can’t believe I don’t remember that.”

Before you can say anything, Spencer pulls out his phone. “Hey Hotch, it’s me. I can’t come in today. I need to use a personal day. . . I’ll tell you later. Okay, thank you” He angrily pulls out of the parking lot, and you can tell he’s headed back to his apartment.

“Spencer it’s okay, I’m not upset with you.”

“No Y/N, it’s not okay. I said all those terrible things to you, of course you were scared to call me after them. The worst part is I was too high to even remember it all. I- I just can’t believe I helped him do this to you,” tears still freely flowing down his face.

“Spencer what are you talking about? I was with you all day, you weren’t high. You don’t even drink, how could you be high?”

He sighs, “do you remember when I was kidnapped by that unsub, Tobias Hankel? About 2 months ago?” You nod, encouraging him to continue. “Well, I told you about his multiple personalities, how one beat me to death and then Tobias resurrected me, how  I had to kill Tobias in order to survive, even though Tobias himself did nothing to me. Well when I was in the barn, Tobias would give me drugs, dilaudid, in order to cut the pain of his other personalities’ abuse. When I killed him, I took the drugs he had one him with me, and I can’t stop Y/N. It’s affecting my life, my work, and now it’s affecting you.” He parks his car in his apartment complex’s lot and turns to look at you. “Hotch has never said anything about it, so even though the team knows I have no reason to quit, I think I do now. Y/N, I think we need to get clean together.”

Suddenly that night made sense, Spencer was irritable and strange, he wasn’t high, he was going through withdrawal. But when he threw the money at you, so loopy and out of it, he was on it. He was so high he didn’t remember the moments before.

“Spencer, I don't know what to say. I want to help you get sober, I want that more than anything, but I’m not addicted to drugs, I rarely even drink.”

“I know Y/N, you don’t have a drug problem like me, but you are an addict. You need to leave Randall. You know it, I know it, but you can’t.” You open your mouth to defend yourself, but Spencer continues to speak, “It’s okay, I understand why. But we both need to quit, and I think it’s best if we do it together.”

“Well how are we supposed to do that,” you whisper.

“Come on, let’s get started,” you and Spencer exit his car, he loops your hands together, leading you up to his apartment. When you get there, he digs through his messenger bag and grabs a couple of tiny glass bottles and a syringe. He throws them into his garbage can, and turns to look at you.

“Pull out your phone.”

“What? Why?”

“We’re going to block Randall’s number.”

You want to fight him on it, but you know he’s right. You need to leave Randall, and now’s as good of a time as any. Yet, you can’t forget the things he’s said to you. “I can’t Spencer, he’s my boyfriend, he loves me.”

“Y/N, please, please do this with me.” You shake your head, he sighs. “Okay, I get it, this is going to take time. Just, um, stay with me for a couple days. Please. We can go get your stuff tomorrow night.”

You think about rejecting Spencer’s offer, but you really don’t want to go back there. More than anything, you want to stay right here. You try to tell yourself it’s because you’re worried about Spencer, but deep down you know it’s more than that. So you nod, and Spencer wraps you in a hug, burying his head into your shoulder.

“Thank you, Y/N. Now let’s go get your hands wrapped up.”

9:21 PM, May 2nd, 2007.

You’ve been staying at Spencer’s for just over a week now. You haven’t seen Randall since your anniversary, and Spencer hasn’t taken dilaudid while you’ve been here. Things are going well. You’re watching a lot of bad reality TV, and Spencer has gone through about 7 packs of Gatorade, but you’re both doing okay.

Now you were just waiting for him to come back from his case in Idaho, you knew this one was pretty bad. They were searching for a woman in the middle of a huge forest, as she was being hunted and chased down. Spencer called you right before getting on the jet, and told you he would be home soon, so now you were just waiting for him.

While doing so however, you found something. A lump on Spencer’s side of the mattress. Under it, were two small glass bottles and a syringe. The same ones you had seen Spencer throw into the garbage days prior.

Now you need to talk to Spencer, so you sit on his couch, and wait for him to come home. When he comes through the door, he immediately sees you and smiles. “Y/N! I’ve missed you.” He hugs you, and for a second you forget why you’re even mad at him in the first place.

“Spencer, I need to talk to you. I found your bottles.” The mood in the room instantly shifts, but you don’t care, you need to get your words out. “You told me you were quitting, I watched you throw them away.”

He brushes his hairs through his hair, and begins to mess with his hands. “I am quitting Y/N, I haven't taken any, but. . .  I just need them to be there.”

“Spencer, please, throw them away. I’m trying to help you here.” Suddenly he grows very angry, and you can tell you said the wrong thing.

“Well I’m trying too. To me it seems the only one not trying is you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, you still haven’t blocked Randall, he still calls all the time! Why do I have to throw my addiction away if you can’t even do the same to yours?”

“That's not fair.”

“How so?” he yells. “How is it that you can’t block your abusive, no good piece of shit boyfriend but I have to throw away the things I enjoy? That doesn’t feel like trying to me.”

“I’m not addicted to Randall Spencer, I just love him. I don’t want or need to quit him.”

“Oh really? Then why are you even still here? Why haven’t you answered his calls? Or gone to see him? I think you know exactly why.”

And you do. You don’t want to go back there, but what Randall says is true. He is the only one who will love you, and you’re not ready to lose that yet. You’re not ready to cut off all contact with him.

“I can leave if that’s what you want Spencer.”

His face softened, “no, that’s not what I want. That’s the last thing I want.” He stops and thinks for a moment. “If you block Randall I’ll throw away my dilaudid.”

You ponder it, “Okay.”

He breaks into a wide smile. “Really? You’ll do it?”

You smile at him.

“Yeah, I promise. I’ll block Randall.”

6:56 PM, May 30th, 2007.

You did not block Randall.

Even after watching Spencer pour out his bottles, breaking up the glass and tossing it away for a second time, you couldn’t. Even after seeing him snap his syringes in half, and feeling him kiss your forehead, after seeing how happy and excited he was for your fresh start together, you just couldn’t do it.

Spencer thought you did, and it was easy to hide the truth from him. Randall hadn’t called since then, so you and Spencer continue to spend time together, last week you celebrated one month of sobriety. You got an ice cream cake and little, silly party hats and exchanged gifts.

And it made you feel like shit.

Spencer was so happy, so proud that you had both been clean for a month, but you still couldn’t decide if you wanted to be clean at all.

You still can’t decide if you should block Randall’s number.  

You try not to think about it, instead focusing the energy into making you and Spencer virgin pina coladas, he was currently out picking up burgers from your favorite restaurant. When he returns, you were going to watch one of your crappy reality TV reruns, and then an episode of Doctor Who. It was Spencer’s idea a couple days ago, and quickly it became a regular occurrence.

Faintly over the loud whir of the blender you can hear your phone ringing. You run  quickly to go grab it, just in case Spencer needed your help with something, but your heart drops when you see the caller ID. It’s Randall, trying once again to contact you.

Your thumb hovers over the accept button, but before you can make a decision, the call times out and sends Randall to voicemail. You let out a breath and set your phone down.

But then something possesses you, and you snatch your phone and dial Randall’s number. He picks up on the 3rd ring.

“Baby, oh my god baby is that really you?”

He sounds so excited to hear from you, how could you have stayed mad at him for so long?

“Yes baby, it’s me. I’m sorry I haven’t answered your calls at all. I’ve been busy.”

“Don’t worry sweetness, I’m so so sorry for the things I said to you, I need you to come home. You missed our anniversary you know? But it’s okay! We can celebrate now! I got you a really beautiful gift, one we can definitely experiment with tonight.” You could hear his smirk over the phone.

“I’m not sure if I’m ready to come back right now, maybe later baby, but not right now.”

You hear his breathing pick up, and tense. You can tell he’s getting agitated. He wasn’t expecting you to answer like that, you always come home as soon as he tells you you can come back. “What do you mean? You’re being ridiculous, I want to see my girlfriend. I’m sure you want to get off of the streets too, you’ve been squatting for over a month now.”

“I’m not squatting Randall, I’m living with Spencer.”

“What!?” he yells. “I thought I told you not to stay with him. I hate that guy, you know that.”

“Would you rather me be on the streets Randall? Spencer’s a great guy, and I want to stay here.”

“Frankly, yes I would. But don’t worry, you can still come home. Just send me the prick’s address and I’ll come pick you up. We can enjoy tonight together.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I’m not going to send you Spencer’s address. I’m staying here. I don’t want to see you anymore. Leave me alone Randall. I’m done.”

Before he could say anything, you hung up. As you did so you heard the front door open, and Spencer made his way to the bedroom.

“Hey! I got burgers! Ready to eat?” he looks down to see your phone still resting in your hand, stuck on the phone app. “Who were you talking to?”

“Just an old friend,” you say.

“Think you’ll be talking to them again anytime soon?” you can tell he knows, and you’re surprised he isn’t lashing out at you. You’re so used to how Randall reacts when you go against his wishes, Spencer’s calm, understanding presence is like a breath of fresh air.

“No, I think I’m ready to leave them behind,” you smile at each other. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a sec okay?”

He nods, and goes to set up the food and TV.

It takes you seven seconds to block Randall.

1:12 AM, June 10th, 2007.

You haven’t gone out with your coworkers in months, you forgot how good it feels to just be present with people. You didn’t even drink tonight, wanting to remember every second of this time out with friends. You were beaming when you unlocked the front door.

Yet your smile slips when you enter what had become you and Spencer’s shared bedroom.

He isn’t there.

You pull out your phone to call him when you hear a thud coming from the bathroom door. You hesitate, scared of what you know you’ll likely find. When you finally throw the door open you’re already teary eyed, and these sobs escalate as soon as you see Spencer, tipped over, lying on the bathroom floor, the needle still sticking out of his arm.

You’re sobbing as you rip it out, hastily undoing the belt wrapped around his upper forearm. He looks up, even in his groggy haze you can see the guilty look in his eyes when they made contact with yours.

“Y/N. . . I- I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me but I just couldn’t stop myself . . . I-”

“Shhh, It’s okay, just breathe,” you whisper through your tears. “It’s going to be okay Spencer, I’m here, and it’s going to be okay. I’m staying right here.” You pull his head into your lap, stroking your shaking hands through his hair.

His head begins to shake, and you can feel his tears on your dress. You rest your head on his, and for a few seconds you just sit there, crying together.

“You’re going to be okay Spencer.”

8:09 AM, June 11th, 2007.

Your head is buried in his chest, you need to be able to hear him breathe. You need to hear his heart beating. You need to be as close to him as possible right now. He stirs as he wakes up, and wraps his arms around you. 

“I’m so sorry Y/N.”

“Don’t apologize Spencer, this is a part of recovery okay? You’re still in recovery, just because you relapsed doesn’t mean we have to start over. You’re so much stronger than you were before. So much braver. So much better. You can do this.”

He smiles at you, “thank you, thank you so much.”

“Of course, now withdrawal is going to be even harder this time. I’m going to the store. We’re going to need plenty of Gatorade and water. We have to flush everything out of your system. Do you mind if I take your car to the store?”

He beams, even in his groggy state he manages to look so perfect, “You know my car is always yours to use Y/N.”

“I’ll be back soon okay? Don’t move a muscle,” you grab his keys and head out the door. And you really do mean it, you fully intend this to be the shortest grocery trip of your life. You’re terrified of leaving Spencer alone long enough to get high again, even though you spent all day yesterday searching for drugs and throwing anything you found in the garbage, taking it out the main apartment dumpster that night. 

You get to the store, grab everything you need, 3 packs of blue Gatorade, 6 cases of water bottles, and the store’s entire stock of Jell-O and rush back to Spencer’s car. You were only in the store for 17 minutes, the majority of which was just check-out time. You smile, thinking of how excited Spencer will be when he sees all the Jell-O in the fridge, but feel your stomach drop when you see a familiar face examining Spencer’s car.

Randall. 

Before you can decide what to do, he turns and sees you. 

“Y/N! I was expecting Spencer, but this is even sweeter. I knew I recognized this hunk of junk. Where have you been?”

“I’ve been around, I’m kind of on a tight schedule here. I really need to get going,” you say as you load up your groceries into Spencer’s trunk. 

“That’s a lot of Jell-O sweetheart, you hate Jell-O.” That’s not even true. You hate pudding, you love Jell-O.

As much as you wanted to yell at him for calling you sweetheart, you couldn’t deny that it felt good. You still missed him. Blocking him helped, but you still felt strong urges to call him sometimes. “It’s not for me, it’s for Spencer.”

“I thought I told you not to stay with him anymore.”

“What part of that conversation would make you think I would listen to you?” you say.

“You should always listen to me Y/N, I’m your boyfriend.”

“I haven’t seen you in months, we’re not dating anymore. I’m done.”

“You don’t mean that you’re just being irrational. Are you on your period? I bet that’s it. Come get breakfast with me. You probably just need chocolate, and the place down the block has incredible chocolate waffles.”

You open your mouth to reject him, but you can’t. Part of it is because you know if you do then he’ll follow you back to your apartment and the last thing you want is for him to know where you’re living right now. But the other part is much worse. A big part of you wants to let him try again. You can’t explain why, but you really want for him to redeem himself as your first love.

“Ok, you have 20 minutes, let’s go get breakfast.”

The walk there is silent and awkward. Randall grabs your hand, too tight for you to do anything about it, and keeps this grip until you sit down in your booth. 

You don’t get chocolate waffles. You really don’t even like chocolate all that much. Randall knows that, or at least you thought he did. Instead you get cinnamon french toast, and within minutes it’s at the table. 

“You know baby, Spencer doesn’t love you.” He says halfway through your french toast.

“We aren’t dating Randall.”

“Doesn’t matter, you’ve been with him in that apartment for a while now. I’m surprised he hasn’t given you the boot.”

You sit in silence, Randall takes this as a sign to continue. “We’ve been together for five years, sweetness. No one can love you the way I do. That’s just a fact. Spencer fucking Reid can not replace me, no one can replace me.”

“I hate that you’re right. I hate that I can’t breathe when I’m not with you Randall. I hate that you’re stuck to me. You’re this god awful stain on my life. I hate looking at it but no matter what I do I can’t wash it off.”

He smirks. “You’re not gonna get rid of me Y/N.” He pays the check, and gets up from the table. You go to get up too, but notice he didn’t tip your waitress, so you leave another five bucks on the table. 

When you get outside he grasps your shoulders. “I knew you would come around Y/N, I knew you would get it. Now come on, we can go collect your stuff from that prick’s apartment and get you home. I know exactly how you can make it up to me.”

You pause, “I don’t think so Randall. I’m not ready quite yet, but I promise I’ll call you.” You meant it, you had already unblocked him from your phone.

“Oh absolutely not, you’re going home with me now.”

“No I’m not.” As you were yelling at each other you notice a strangely familiar face standing nearby, just in ear shot. You can’t place him, but you know you’ve met before.

“Yes you are! We’re happy together and you’re coming to live with me again!”

“We don’t love each other, Randall! Not right now at least!” 

He’s livid, and once again you feel that scared, indescribable feeling in the pit of your stomach. “That’s not true! I’ll prove it to you.” He grabs your chin and pulls your face to his.

You feel as if water is filling your lungs, you’re drowning and no one is around to save you. Randall is physically stronger than you, you’re stuck in his grasp. It’s like you’re screaming and no one can hear you. 

And yet, this flood of emotions you’re feeling is the first time you realize something. 

You’re addicted to Randall.

You need to get out.

You need to get back to Spencer.

After what feels like minutes (but is actually about 3 seconds) of being unseen and vulnerable, you discover you’ve been protected the whole time. The man you can't place rips Randall off of you, “What’s wrong with you? Get off of her!”

It’s his voice that lets you place him. Derek Morgan, Spencer’s closest friend and coworker, punches Randall in the face. “Get out of here!”

“What the fuck is wrong with YOU? That’s my girlfriend! Sweetheart, tell him to leave us alone!”

They both turn and look at you, with tears in your eyes you look at Morgan and shake your head. “Please, get him to leave.”

And Morgan does just that, with a little yelling and a flash of his FBI badge, Randall is running for the hills.

“Come on baby girl, let’s get you back home. Did you walk here?”

You shake your head, “No, I drove Spencer’s car here.”

“Well, how bout I drive you home, and then afterwards I swing back and get Spencer’s car and drop it off?”

So you do just that. After profusely thanking Morgan, and him insisting that it was nothing, and also insisting to carry your groceries in from the car, you and Spencer are together once again. 

“I’m so sorry Spencer, I didn’t believe you before. I was going to go back to him. How could I be so stupid?”

“Don’t talk like that Y/N, you said it best yourself. Just because you relapse doesn’t mean you aren’t trying, and it most certainly doesn’t mean you’re stupid.”

“I think it’s time we get clean Spencer. Both of us, once and for all.”

“I think so too Y/N.”

He pulls you into a hug and in between sniffles you manage to choke out what you’ve been wanting to say since you got into Morgan’s car. “I love you.”

He looks at you, and the look in his eyes almost makes you cry out of pure joy. He looks so happy, as if he’s been waiting for you to say that for years. 

Maybe he has.

“I love you too.”

7:29 AM, April 16th, 2008.

You press your lips to Spencer’s, you know he has just woken up, but you know it’s a big day for him. 

You both have been sober for over ten months now. Today is the day of his first group meeting. He found Beltway Clean Cops recently, and has been so excited to go. You’re excited for him. You know how proud he is of you, and you want to show him in every way possible that you’re proud of him.

He opens his eyes and smiles up at you. “What did I deserve to get a wake up like that?”

“What kind of question is that? You’re incredible, and an incredible boyfriend deserves an incredible morning. Do you know what else he deserves?”

He hums and waits for the answer.

“An incredible breakfast! That’s why I made blueberry pancakes. Now hurry up and come eat. You should  leave soon if you want to make it to your meeting on time. Have I told you yet how incredibly proud I am of you?”

He smiles, “Only an average of 15.6 times a day since I told you I was going.”

“Well that’s not nearly enough, now come on, get up. It’s pancake time,” you say. “Oh, and Spencer?”

“Yes flower?”

“I’m so proud of you.”

He smiles, “I love you flower.”

“I love you more.”

You ate breakfast together and then forced Spencer out the door, making sure he had plenty of time to get to his meeting. You knew he would regret it if he was late. 

You weren’t going to lie to yourself, you still thought about Randall a lot. You still missed him. You still love him in a way. But now that you had Spencer, now that you were clean together, you would never risk going back to him. 

That day where you agreed to go to breakfast with him, Derek asked you if you wanted to press charges. You didn’t, you don’t regret that either.

You’re even more proud of yourself this way, because you know he’s still there, still accessible and available to you, and still didn’t run to him. You know that any trace of Randall in your future is gone. 

You know you and Spencer are finally clean.

“Ten months sober, I must admit Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it Ten months older I won't give in Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it”

- Thank you for reading! Please reblog and let me know what you think :))

[shoichee]

part 4: hcs dedicated to reactions: seirin (their precious lil manager going out with that scissor-wielding emperor bastard!?) and rakuzan (their captain was in love with that girl who cussed at him near the vending machine?!? ITS SO FUNNY) ++ angst where akashi gets jealous of readers teammates (IZUKI kuroko kagami furi... but mostly izuki bc point guards with eye powers) because he still feels bad about what happened and thinks he doesnt deserve her -- teiko anon

OUR LEGENDARY TEIKO ANON HAS SPOKEN OF AN EPILOGUE, alright y’all the finale FINALE 🧘🏻‍♀️ OKAY, i don’t think I hammered too hard on the angst, but enjoy the fluff and subtle crack😌

OOH, looks like another anon wants a pt. 4! :0 Since it is primarily the Teiko anon’s request, I will be prioritizing the first request, but I will combine a few aspects of this request to make a fuller headcanon epilogue! Hope everyone enjoys this! part 1 here // part 2 here // part 3 here

Akashi x Reader

Part 4: Epilogue

[Teiko!manager Headcanons]

in the aftermath of the Winter Cup, your relationship with Akashi has certainly gotten much better, and dare you say, more intimate and romantic; though you were still healing a bit from the emotional scars from Teiko, they seemed to be going away faster than you realized, especially when everyone gathers for Kuroko’s birthday party

you were with Seirin, helping with the decorations and setting up the plates before Kuroko comes in the evening, but what no one expected was for him to bring in the GoMs

YOU’RE SHOOK AND YOU’RE BASHFUL SEEING AKASHI IN HIS WINTER ATTIRE, you’re getting MAD butterflies, but no one seems to notice because everyone’s attention is on the GoMs and Kuroko

of course Akashi was scanning the room for you first, and you immediately look away from his affectionate stare because you were still not used to the old Akashi, let alone his sweeter side for only you

Izuki notices how quiet you got and nudged your ribs with his elbow before telling a stupid pun… the thing is, you were one of the few people who genuinely found his jokes funny LOL

Akashi widens his eyes, staring at you laughing so unabashedly, and he feels really, really bad that he never got that level of a reaction from you whenever you were with him even despite knowing you for longer

now as the party goes on, Akashi is seeing your dynamics with Seirin for the first time and he’s just really grateful that you found an amazing support group during your low times; he’s not particularly someone to get jealous, but he’s getting a BAD case of FOMO because he’s thinking of all the “what-if’s” and all the times he could’ve made you happy and stress-free

“Akashi-kun?”

“Ah… yes?” Akashi snaps out of his daze to see a mild smirk coming from Kuroko on his right side, and Kuroko was about to ask a question about who he was looking at before a shout of “Watch out!” and a ceramic plate came FLYING across the table to hit the Rakuzan captain square on his face

CUE SCREAMS OF PANIC AS MOMOI PUNCHES AOMINE ON THE HEAD AND RIKO JUMPS TO STRANGLE KAGAMI, AND YOU LITERALLY ZOOMED TO HIS SIDE TO CHECK ON ANY INJURIES

see, he could’ve easily dodged it, and he supposed that it’s his fault for not paying attention and dodging on time

thankfully, the plate didn’t break because Kuroko caught the plate before it reached the floor and placed it back on the table

Akashi still has a bruise or two on his face though… and ngl, everyone gulped when they saw him checking out the injuries with a handheld mirror, ready to get their ankles broken

you were so worried over his safety, he finds it really endearing… but he wants to elicit an expression other than looks of worry or tears or anger (flashback to when you cussed him out)

“Wait, but (y/n)...” Koganei said. “Since when were you so close to Akashi that you didn’t hesitate to touch his face?”

a few moments of silence for everyone to register his words

“EHHHH?????!!!!”

everyone is throwing QUESTION after QUESTION at the two of you, and Akashi just has a neutral face with his mouth parted while you were so embarrassed LMAO

Kise being a real best friend, tells them:

“Alright, alright, everyone! Let’s not forget about the birthday boy! Kurokocchi should be the center of our attention today!”

“Kise, that’s…”

“Anywho! Let’s light up the cake and find those party poppers…”

after the party though, when you all return to school, Seirin was READY to jump on you for interrogation, and you do reluctantly tell them that you and Akashi are a tentative couple

Riko: “SERIOUSLY? I mean… that’s kinda cute though…”

Hyuuga: “I mean… yeah, as long as you’re happy, it’s none of my business.”

Teppei: “I hope he treats you well, (y/n)-san.” and of course he gives you his signature head pats

Furihata, Tsuchida, Kawahara: “??????????????????? But why?”

Koganei: “Huh, guess that explains a lot.”

Kagami: “???????????? pt. 2 LMAO” and also “What do you even see in him?” in genuine curiosity

Izuki: “ I guess you two dove into this relationship without hesitation, eh? Get it, get it? Because doves are a symbol of lo—”

“Izuki, shut the fuck up.”

“It means that you love (Ai)kashi—” [Ai means love]

“IZUKI.”

Kuroko simply pretends that this is the first time he’s heard of you dating Akashi, and he gives you his heartfelt congratulations, and as long as Kuroko approves of it, you feel like you’re on the right track (he’s such a good judge of character!)

you and Akashi actually live VERY far apart, considering that your schools are equally just as far in distance, but that being said, for our rich boy Akashi, distance isn’t much of a problem when he can easily find ways to come visit any time

he can also pay for your transportation to visit Rakuzan if you ever felt like visiting him too (although, you insist to pay for your own things, but he’s not having it because he says it’s a treat for him to see you too)

whenever Akashi stops by the Seirin campus to visit, he’s just kind of awkward standing there like the prince that he is, waiting for the perfect opportunity to walk in, but every time, he’d ALWAYS notice how you’re so happy being with everyone here, especially with Izuki, and his guilt just comes back full force again

he wonders if this was right of him to date you when there’s so much people who can easily do a better job in getting you to smile and be completely yourself, especially since he’s been the source of your anguish for all these months (maybe even a year or two if he was counting the duration of your entire crush on him that you assumed to be unrequited)

“Seijurō!” your voice rang out, beckoning him to walk towards you and the group

all of the Seirin teammates are so wary of him, and are all hyper aware of his movements LOL, and Kuroko is just like “hi, you’re back” very casually

Kagami uses this as a chance to challenge a one-on-one on Akashi

Kagami gets destroyed in a few minutes flat

the whole time you’re just watching Akashi with heart eyes, unbeknownst to him while he was focused on Kagami

after the interrogation and Akashi passing the “first stage” of acceptance, you and him find time to have a cute date at a local shopping district to walk around and sightsee

Akashi finds it fun, he really did, but there’s a part of him that thinks you’d have more fun with people who know you better… a.k.a. Izuki, or legit any other Seirin member

he’s visibly distracted by his own thoughts, and you wave a hand to his face, asking if this was too boring for him

“No, no, of course I’m enjoying this with you,” he muses, putting a gentle kiss to your temple. “Shall we get moving?”

“Something’s bothering you isn’t it.”

“No,” he chuckles, giving a gentle smile, but you only frown at him… once again he sees that you weren’t smiling at him

“I’m serious Sei, I want to get to know the real you,” you softly chastise, pinching his cheek. “So I also want you to speak your mind around me.”

“Oh ho… I see that your boldness is still very present here,” he says in referring to your touch.

“Oh my god, can you drop it already? That’s so embarrassing—I cussed you out one time… hey don’t change the subject!”

“Hmm…” he hums for a bit before he comes clean. “I’m afraid that I might not be the right person to be worthy by your side after hurting you for so long.”

“... What makes you think that?” He hesitates, for the first time, not being so sure of himself and his emotions; he immediately thinks of Izuki and your good chemistry with him but dismisses the thought

“... I just do not think I’m capable enough to make you happy.”

“But you are. I’m very giddy to be with you right now.”

“Even happier than when you are with… your teammates?”

“Huh?”

“I apologize,” he hurriedly says. “They are your friends. I was out of line to question them.”

“No, no, it’s okay. Talk it out to me.” He’s uncharacteristically quiet as you both continue to walk and browse through the shops, and you carefully watch Akashi while he’s examining a few souvenirs on the display, patient for him to continue talking

“... the point guard.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Seirin’s point guard.”

“Izuki-kun? What about him?”

“While I’m aware that you only spend your time with him as a good friend… I want to spend just as much of a koala-ty time with you whenever we have the chance.”

he... says this with the straightest face, and you’re utterly confused before you saw some animal plushies on the store window, and the the koala plush, and then the cogs started turning in your head

“... Did you just say a pun?”

“Was it not sufficient?”

a few moments of silence pass and Akashi thinks he did something wrong because he wanted to make you smile (HELP poor captain), before you break into hysterics

between your fits of broken laughs and wheezes, you managed to ask if he was jealous of Izuki, to which he wholeheartedly kept denying until you wouldn’t stop being persistent

you reassure him over and over that he doesn’t need to act like Izuki to make you happy, but it was a pleasant surprise to see Akashi crack a “joke” nonetheless

he’s a bit new to the concept of dating and is still quite unsure of how to navigate this PLEASE GIVE HIM TIME

the date that day was a success (some of the Seirin teammates TOTALLY weren’t spying on you mid-date or anything…)

while Seirin is okay with you dating, visiting Rakuzan ALONE with the scary-ass captain and his “CROONIES” (hint: the rest of the team LMAOO) IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY

RIKO AND HYUUGA are just like:

“What’s wrong with him coming here to visit you? Why do you gotta do the effort to visit him?”

“Uh… because I want to…”

“Yes, but who would you call to help over if something wrong happens? You’d be too far!”

“Uh, Akashi can help me if something happens.”

“With what, his scissors?” Kagami gives a deadpan look, and everyone turns to look at him in utter confusion LMAOOO like what does this redhead mean by SCISSORS???

Kuroko immediately jabs Kagami’s sides to silence him and smoothly changes the conversation before anyone asks any more questions about the “scissors” and potentially make them more reluctant to let you go

oh Kuroko, being the mediator and negotiator as always, trying to set some safety protocols for you to follow before everyone finally agrees to let you go see the infamous team alone

you know, Teppei is honestly just like, “Just go! Don’t worry about our (y/n) too much!”

Furihata is so concerned for your safety for valid reasons, but you reassure him that you won’t “die from the trip,” and no, this wouldn’t “be the last time” they’d see you before you leave

so when you stopped by Rakuzan’s gym after school after looking at the online maps, Hayama lets out a screech of terror before he starts pointing at you and calling you the “crazy ass chick” who tried to have a first-row seat ticket to death LOL

Hayama’s commotion brought everyone else’s attention to you, and Akashi was very surprised to see you all the way here

but he’s just standing at the back to watch how his teammates are reacting to you

Reo is the guy who would welcome you very warmly and would introduce you to the other team members who aren’t the starters, and he would actually ask if you were okay from last time

Nebuya is very laid back and throws a few muscle jokes much to Reo’s dismay, and he makes a comment about not you possibly not eating enough because at the time, he saw you almost tripping up your feet after you cussed out Akashi… he offers you his extra bowls if you ever feel hungry VERY SWEET GUY

Mayuzumi thinks you have balls, like who the fuck would come out alive after cussing out his captain but then COME BACK to said school of the captain… like why would you willingly walk back into the lion’s den??? so he thinks you’re dumb, but he has a shred of respect for you

Akashi is so amused at the spectacle and finally walks over to you after you noticed him

and he gives you an embrace and a chaste forehead kiss, and the entire gym goes silent

“Sei! I wanted to drop by as a surprise! Did you expect me?”

“Hm, I may have expected you to come sooner or later, but definitely not this quickly. Were transportation fees too much of a hassle?”

“Nope! I got everything covered! Do you want me to give you any chiropractic massages if you and your teammates need it?”

“You don’t need to do that, (y/n). You came here as a guest, not as a manager.”

“But…”

“Shhh, as soon as practice is done, I’ll take you anywhere you want in Kyotō. How does that sound?”

“Er… captain?” Reo holds up a hesitant finger to interrupt the two of you, while everyone else looks horrified at the sight of their captain looking serene

“Get a room, will you?” Mayuzumi only tuts in irritation while turning away to grab a nearby water bottle to down in one go

Nebuya merely stares in astonishment at the two of you, and his mind is thinking how the hell did you reel in this guy?

nah man, Hayama is GONE at this point: his brain has stopped functioning a while ago, and he’s standing there as stiff as a statue, scratching his head like a lost monkey // like he’s thinking how the fuck did this shit add up?? in his mind, he’s taking 2 plus 2 but it somehow ends up 94… that’s how he’s processing what he’s witnessing

the rest of the benchers and lower-string players are confused? who ARE you anyways?? Akashi?? dating??? that’s Rakuzan gossip of the century

TLDR; your first trip to Rakuzan may be awkward because the two of you stick out like a sore thumb, but eventually after multiple trips, the team slowly begins to consider you as one of their own

as per Akashi’s “suggestion” (hint: not a suggestion, but a strong recommendation), you were to be retreated with respect and kindness

why? Because Akashi never wants a repeat of the situation at Teiko ever again :(

as long as he is captain, and as long as he has the power and authority, he will do everything he can to make you happy and comfortable

don’t worry though, the Rakuzan starters are more than willing to punt any kid who talks shit about you

surprisingly, once Hayama comes around and accepts the fact that you were dating the captain, he’d be the most adamant and vocal protector, and he’s the one who shares the “inside tips and tricks” about the captain EEEE it’s so wholesome !!

the Rakuzan team is your certified bodyguard group, no debate

Reo might be the nosy mom who asks about who confessed first and the like…

the END, and I DO MEAN THE END THIS TIME

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Inej Ghafa x fem! Reader - Close Enough

A/n: So.... Ya I this wasn't a request I just really inspired to write about Inej today and yes I did write this all today! Also this fic goes (not full, full on) but more with Inej's struggles with touch with her S/O because I see a whole lot for Kaz (which isn't a bad thing keep writing those fics I enjoy them)! But like zero for Inej! So I made one, I hope ya'll enjoy!

Warnings: The Menagerie, mentions of sexual assault, swearing, mentions of panic attacks and flashbacks, I think that's it? You have been warned!

Summary: You and Inej have been dancing around each both knowing that you like each other, yet Inej struggles with her past when she's around you

(The gif is not mine and I do not own shadow and bone or it's characters!)

Her eyes slide over Y/n's body admiring her beauty and the way her y/h/c locks moved with the wind from the sea.

The ship rocked back and forth and Inej couldn't help but think about the way the L/n girl moved. Although Y/n wasn't silent or fluid with her motions, the girl was still graceful in her own not very refined way.

The way she held herself, the way she walked was all so effortless and bold, nothing like the captain of the very ship who was always so lithe and elegant. Yet Inej couldn't stop thinking or looking at the girl who never stayed silent. Yet Inej would never come close to the white tiger named Y/n, and both already knew that.

The deafening sound of the sea and storm was broken by the only person who could become louder and break an unbreakable silence; Y/n.

Inej could hear her footsteps coming closer and closer. She could hear her breathing even if it wasn't heavy, and most of all she could hear her close-mouthed giggles because if they were open-mouthed it would grab all the Saints in this world's attention.

Listening wasn't an option with Y/n you had to pay attention. Her whole aura demanded it, and Inej was starting to think even the Saints could hear her sometimes because that girl had a power over her no one had ever had she didn't even realize it.

"Hello, Captain!" Y/n sings leaping towards Inej's side eagerly.

Instantly Inej's senses are filled with the white tiger's perfume and it overwhelms her with emotions and memories of her past; her past in the Menagerie.

Intentionally the girl moves closer to Inej when she doesn't say something right away, and she can physically feel the hands ripping at her purple silks trying to place them apart like monsters to get to what was underneath. The kohl was around her eyes again, the bells on her ankles and the painted spots that really made her seem like an animal were on her shoulders.

She could smell the incense in her room, and the gold metal bars on the windows. It was metaphorically a cage but it was also a literal one. Inej wasn't herself anymore she was just a seemingly useless lynx only good for one thing; then she feels a hand creep up and up...

Snapping out of her trance she harshly backs away from L/n but she's still as silent as ever and that alone makes her want to scream out her lungs because she just wants to be heard.

She thought that maybe taking down the Slavers would help her find peace, she thought being away from the barrel and the Menagerie would help her hopefully start over. Really she thought she was over this, the flashbacks, the full-on panic attacks where she can't have anyone touch her for about an hour or more.

In reality, though, all she really wants is to be able to be loud and to be able to touch Y/n romanticly, all she wants is to not feel the dirty hands of the men every time she brushes against her lover.

Inej Ghafa wants to be free of the cage that she thought she had escaped, yet every time she thinks that she's pulled right back in. Clawing at the bars trying to flee yet again.

That was why the captain of the Wraith would not come close enough to the white tiger.

Guilt flash's in Y/n's eyes and she backs away, immediately putting even more space in between the two giving Inej some space to breathe.

"Sorry." The girl whispers backing up even further but never leaving nor taking her y/c/e orbs off of Ghafa.

Inej takes a breath in and she can no longer smell Y/n's perfume and the incense from the Menagerie, but she longs to smell Y/n's scent forever. And Inej is glad that Y/n's skin isn't against her's anymore but inside she's screaming because that's the only thing she wants to feel.

Inej rubs her hands over her eyes feeling so tired of all of this; if she could she would just kiss the tiger on the lips but because of fucking trauma she couldn't.

Another thought that is always at the back of her mind is ever so present at the moment - because what if she never gets to touch Y/n? Why could she touch basically anyone else but her?

"It's not your fault, you know that okay? I just-"

But Y/n being the loud person that she is, she cuts Inej off. "But do you know?"

She snaps her head up meeting the white tiger's eyes that seem to be blazing holes into her.

"Do you know it's not your fault Ghafa?"

Once again her breath is caught in her throat and the captain of the Wraith - the fearsome captain who tames the seas and takes down slavers is rendered speechless in eight words.

"Because even if you do, do you know I don't need you to touch me or even come into a five-meter radius of me?"

"That's not fair to you." She argues.

"I just want you to love me!" Y/n starts raising her voice and tears were in her eyes showing how serious the situation really was.

"You know I can't do that without-"

"For fucks shake Inej! I don't need any of the extra touchings or even getting close to me! I JUST WANT YOUR LOVE! I don't care how you show it! I just want to be yours!"

Y/n's eyes widen and panic impulses through her eyes and for the first time in a long time everything is silent. Even the ocean, even the storm, the wind, Y/n has stopped being loud and the world is awfully quiet like it needs to run after her noise. Her brightness.

Soundless tears drip from both of the girl's eyes as Inej takes a step forward the floorboards of the ship creaking beneath her as she comes closer. Not insanely close, but that wasn't the point.

"Okay." Inej murmurs.

"What?"

"I want to be yours too."

Suddenly Y/n smiles and the world brightens again and the noise of the universe is back and Inej is no longer creaking on the floorboards she's silent again but she's pretty sure she has someone else to teach her how to be loud.

Taking four steps forwards she could probably reach out and grab Y/n's hand if she wanted to, and it wouldn't be unexpected or anything of the sort. It would be on her terms.

Carefully and even a bit terrified Inej reach's her hand out towards Y/n's and she lets them brush together.

As soon as she feels her skin against her's she forgets how to breathe and fireworks must have gone off in her stomach because that's how she was feeling. It was like jumping from rooftop to rooftop without the smoke and grim of Ketterdam, it was like sailing the ocean without the fear of drowning.

Though she quickly pulls away knowing any longer she'll be pulled back into memories of her past again. Disappointment folds her veins and Y/n could obviously tell that it was already wearing her down.

"Little by little Captain! Remember step by step!"

Her voice then takes a more serious but soothing tone.

"Don't push yourself remember what I asked of you? Your love, not your body. We got to four steps today? Well maybe in a month to a year you'll get to five, I don't care! I'll be proud either way! But for right now this is close enough."

Inej grins up at the woman standing before her.

"You're amazing you know that right?"

Y/n simply flicks her hair. "Oh, I know!"

They both laugh and it rings throughout the earth reaching all the way to the Saints and they finally looked down from the heavens to see the two most remarkable girls laughing standing five feet apart holding love for each other that was so powerful they could see it spread.

It was a power they didn't know existed among the humans and they saw its potential to spread everywhere but it stopped at one point.

But that was close enough.

Words 1400

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover @brekker-zenik @alohastitch0626

[captnjacksparrow]

if you had to rank your fav naruto characters how would it go? love your blog btw!!

Hmmm... Complicated ask, anon.😂

[My personal life would be splashed here and there. Please bear with me]

Before 5 months, if you asked me about Naruto, my response would be ‘What the fuck is that?’. I absolutely had no idea such a treasure existed. For me, it started out like a blockbuster movie for the sheer variety of fights and the resulting emotions it brought within me. 

However, there was a point I stopped and thought, ‘Wait a fucking second. This resembles my family dynamics. This person is speaking the exact same lines I spoke to my parents few years ago. This person’s situation resembles mine. Did this creator a time traveler?’. Naruto is the only piece of media that gave me such feel. Am not even exaggerating, believe me. 

I really liked so many characters very much but am going to try my best to list just 10. 

The only characters I hate in this series are Danzo, Sakura and Hinata in no particular order. Meaning, I absolutely cannot see any positives in them. They are crassy, cringey and completely detestable.

FAVOURITE NARUTO CHARACTERS

10. Killer Bee

HaHaHa :-) Just seeing this character makes me smile and light-hearted.

It’s a pity that he is the only character who don’t belong to Konoha in my Top 10 rankings who was developed well apart from Gaara.

I loved him from Frame 1 onwards and I sincerely wished Team Taka should be packed up with their ass beaten up mercilessly. And that’s what happened.

Despite being a Jinchurikki, he never bothered to mind his surroundings and filled his heart with love from his over protective Brother alone was nice to watch.

He makes a great Tag Partner with Naruto next to Sasuke. No doubt.

The way Killer Bee treated Team Taka like some annoying flies and his cool and don’t care attitude was top notch. It’s not just with Sasuke, Bee treated Naruto with the same IDGAF attitude at first.

Best Moments:

Lariat punch to Sasuke (TBH, Sasuke deserved it. LOL)

Blasted off every member of Team Taka like a doll

His entire conversation and fight sequence with Kisame (Their banters and exchanges are way too hilarious)

His dynamics with his Elder Brother (God!!!! Whenever Raikage gives him an Iron Claw.... What a hilarious duo!!!!)

9. Hatake Kakashi

Kakashi was my most favourite character when I started the series for simply being ultra-cool with the way he conducted the Bell-Test and taught a valuable lesson for those bratty kids in Team 7 called ‘Team Work’. 

Best Moments:

Kakashi vs Obito Hand-to-Hand Combat (the best in the series)

Kakashi in the Gaara retrieval arc (His fight with Itachi & Deidara gave a good start to the shippuden series. His Mangekyou reveal was surprising).

Kakashi & Guy teaming up with Naruto to reveal Obito in a twisty and tragic way. (Kakashi couldn’t handle the truth at all and neither did I)

Kakashi vs Zabuza (That’s when I realized that the series was getting real serious)

8. Jiraiya

Jiraiya was my next favourite to Kakashi during my Part 1 days. His open perversion and his entire dynamics with Naruto was one of the best things during the Chunin Exams arc. Taught Naruto about Chakra Control and about the way of a shinobi by just enduring. Naruto follows this even today.

Best Moments: 

Kuchiyose No Jutsu training (Man, I never expected him to push Naruto off the cliff)

Rasengan Training (One of the best arcs in part 1 and it was soo satisfying to see Naruto punching his first Rasengan on Kabuto, He also acted like a quasi parent to Naruto... heartwarming)

Jiraiya Vs Six paths of Pain ( 6 vs 1 was always doomed but still he had the guts of a shinobi and plunged ahead)

7. Uchiha Madara

Geez. What is there to not like him?? 

Everything he did was absolutely wrong ever since he broke up with Hashirama in a romantic way much similar to how couples break up in my country.

I am an Uchiha. You are a Senju. I wish it had been different.

This roughly translates to how 75% of lovers break up and marry someone else from their own clan in my state. (Duh!!!)

I am from XXX clan, you are from XXX clan. So we can’t love each other and my parents won’t accept this relationship. So let’s break up.

Alright, my first shipping couple in this series is HashiMada for this exact reason. (I started shipping SNS only after episode 478). 

Just like Hashirama, Madara had an extensive build up right from episode 1 where Kurama compares Sasuke with Madara. And flashbacks from Itachi and Tobi spiked my curiosity and I wanted to see his face so badly ever since.

But the moment he landed gracefully like a diva in episode 321.... Woaahhhh!!!! He literally danced in the battlefield and ate up 100′s of guys with just a fucking Sharingan. 

Best Moments:

Going Shirtless before 1000′s of people with Hashirama’s face, no less (Well, I literally went heart-eyed for 5 minutes. Sorry Sasuke, your ancester was way much sexier than you in the Orochimaru hideout and beats you by a million points).

Screaming Hashirama’s name like a cockatoo for 300 times even till the very end (Sorry Naruto, your obsession towards Sasuke for about 6 arcs is pale in comparison to Madara’s obsession which was established in just 6 or 7 episodes.)

I have 25 clones now. Do you want me to put Susanoo or not? You can’t answer. The answer is yes. (Man, his I don’t give a fuck attitude is just an alien level thing)

Openly admitting Only Hashirama Can Beat Me (Say what you will about Sasuke, Madara has no qualms about accepting his inferiority in terms of power. An absolute Straight Forward diva-queen)

Awakening Sharingan for breaking up with his ‘friend’ rather than for his 3 dead brothers. (Geez, Poor Soul. He is the forefather of a Romantic Uchiha. That romantic blood still flows in Sasuke)

6. Senju Hashirama

Man, I would have placed him somewhere in top 5 if only he was introduced early or had more scenes. I started watching Naruto only because of this very name. There is a local podcaster in my state who goes under the alias of Senju Hashirama and in his podcasts, he hinted about this character and how he was inspired by his ideals. I just googled and saw that this character belonged to Naruto series and I considered watching it. Here I am, making analysis on that very series.

There was this excellent build up for him right when we got introduced to Captain Yamato. He was constantly referred in flashbacks from Itachi and Tobi especially.

But the moment he was reanimated again..... Geez..... It was an hilarious ride all throughout. Out of all the flashbacks we got from this series, Founders Era flashback was my absolute favourite.

From where I come from, we are still under the stupid influence of Clan infrastructure and are not growing up in many aspects like people in western countries do. For me, I hope, one day, someone like Senju Hashirama appears in our state and change our lives for better by uniting all clans as one and treats everyone equally without the shitty favouritism for their own children, friends, parents, siblings.

That’s why this dialogue struck a thunder in my heart

“Be they a friend.... Be they a sibling.... Be it even my own child. I will not forgive anyone who threatens the village.”

Because the clan leaders in our place are absolutely selfish, trash bastards who serves their own needs with no regards for other people from other clans. For a person like me, Hashirama is not just a fictional hero, he is someone who many aspires to become. No wonder that podcaster chose this name as his alias.

He rightfully deserved the title ‘God of Shinobi’. And no one can surpass him, not even Naruto.

Best Moments:

Wood Style vs Eternal Mangekyou sharingan + Kurama powered Madara (He just beats Madara’s ass by a wide margin. This shows he was a whole fucking different level than Naruto + Sasuke combined. In terms of strength, nobody surpassed him YET. Sorry Naruto and Sasuke, you guys are no match even now with your Rinnegan and Kurama lost forever).

His entire banters with Madara (ROFLLLL. Without him, it would have been just another lifeless arc.)

5. Senju Tobirama

Hmmm, let me tell you something about him.

First off, he is not a racist or fascist as many hardcore Sasuke fanatics claims. He is one of the best hokages according to me. He is abso-fucking-lutely practical, rational, logical and holds no grudge. And Sasuke resembles Tobirama with all these characteristics as compared to soft and naive Naruto. If only he had more screen time, he would be easily in my top 3. 

Just because he didn’t lick the boots of Uchiha (many people’s favorite clan or may I say the only clan that was given any shit about in this series), it doesn’t make him a racist or fascist.

No, he never persecuted the Uchihas. Danzo, the crass bastard, driven off the Uchihas only after the Kyuubi incident. It was explicitly mentioned in the databook and was clearly explained in the series. 

He literally gave the highest position in the village for the entire clan. That is, a military power inside a military village. ‘Shinobi who can cause crimes can only be stopped by shinobi who are even better’. In my state, if a powerful clan decided to persecute another clan, they simply start by cutting off basic amenities like Water and Electricity. Compared to what I’ve seen, Tobirama did nothing but given the Uchihas, the highest position in their village. 

Orochimaru only said giving such a power made them conceited (arrogant). Tobirama had a trusted subordinate called Kagami, an Uchiha in his team. He suggested Kabuto to help Sasuke and even teleported him on his request. He even spited Madara for killing Sasuke, an Uchiha. He openly claimed Uchiha clan exceeds Senju in terms of Love. He openly appreciated Itachi and Kagami as someone who sees beyond their clan. In what world, would a racist or fascist do all this for a clan he hates??? 

Yes, he was cautious of Sasuke at first because he saw him with Orochimaru and even went full-on battle mode because of Sasuke’s carefree threat to destroy the village. But once he decided to go to the battlefield to fight Madara, he simply forgot everything that happened before and started to work with him as a comrade, and even helped him twice. In which world, a racist or fascist behave this way?

Believe me, a person like me who was grown with these clan politics surely can say who is a fascist. He was not. He was just cautious of them because of their ability to attain superpowers with just emotions alone. Let me ask you all this, ‘Would you be okay with people getting crazy powers whenever they are depressed?’. Being cautious is not racism. It really disrespects people who faced real oppression under fascism.

What Madara and Danzo did was a classical example of fascism. 

And No, Izuna didn’t die only because of Tobirama. He died because Madara was too arrogant to instigate war with Senju clan. And this was way before forming Konoha. If Tobirama killed Izuna after the alliance between Uchiha and Senju, I would agree that he was a racist. Izuna lost his life just like any other Uchiha and Senju soldiers in that battlefield. 

Just because he shitted your beloved ‘Sasuke-Kun’ doesn’t mean he is a racist too. Tobirama saw Sasuke along with that scoundrel Orochimaru who once used this very two hokages to destroy the very village they strived hard to create and protect. What will you do, if you were in his place?? Please don’t lie and say ‘I wouldn’t be judgemental’. 

And Imagine you are Tobirama, Sasuke is threatening to commit genocide against the entire village who had no idea about this coup detat instead of going against those old hags. Will you sit quiet as a Hokage?? 

He was the first person to suggest his brother, Itama, that Revenge against Uchihas are futile. All we need is an agreement to make truce. That gave the idea for Hashirama to pursue his dream. And Tobirama was happy to follow that dream and very supportive. 

It’s because of all these reasons I placed him above Senju Hashirama.

Best Moments:

Amazing power display against Sasuke & Co with just an index finger (It was a pleasure to see everyone’s face trembling with mild sweat including Sasuke).

Acted as a decoy to save his young subordinates. (The way he sacrificed his life saying young wills of fire must be protected is just Woow!! I wish his subordinates listened to his words and passed the mantle to the younger ones rather than playing game at such an old age and screwed up many lives. Pfft!!!)

Any time he says ‘Shut Up’ to Hashirama (ROFL)

His absolute ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude to Naruto, Sasuke, Hashirama, Minato and Madara (He trolled them all mercilessly and I love it)

4. Senju Tsunade

It hurts me to say that Tsunade is the only female character in my list because every other female characters were written in a much more piss poorly way. Only Konan came close to Tsunade but her role was very short. 

Despite her character’s purpose revolved around another male character (Dan) and a blatant objectification of her breasts, I liked everything about her other than those mentioned above. 

She is the Second Best Hokage who took Konoha right after the destruction made by Orochimaru, excellently handled the aftermath by making friendly relations with Suna (Sand village), provided her best medical support to Konoha in the Pain Arc and successfully handled the fourth Shinobi world war. 

She is such a badass who developed her own original jutsu called Byakugou no Jutsu, which can heal herself. 

She is just way too amazing and it’s a pity that we got very less scenes in Shippuden.

Best Moments:

Took 25+ stabs from Madara’s Susanoo like a piece of cake (Man, I simply couldn’t describe that scene. All the other Kages were shocked and even Madara too)

Lifted her advisors like a cabbage sack (Those fucking old hags deserved it. Those shits should’ve died)

Her index finger flick assault on Naruto (Aww, Naruto was definitely bratty in his first meeting and Tsunade didn’t hold back at all)

Played Orochimaru like a basketball (In that same arc, she fought Orochimaru mercilessly like a devil left and right. Someone who claimed to have surpassed Tsunade never even dared to fight Orochimaru’s student and crying for his attention after just receiving one stab from Madara. Just saying)

3. Uzumaki Naruto

Naruto is the titular character and your emotions evolve along with him. He surely deserves a spot in Top 3. The only reason I didn’t place Naruto even more higher is because he didn’t experience something very important which many characters in this list faced. That is, Losing a loved one before his eyes. Every villain in this series became what they are because they lost someone important before their eyes like Nagato, Obito. (Nope, I don’t count Neji as his loved one). I think this tests the mettle of any character and Naruto failed to experience this. The only person he ever lost was Jiraiya and that too from off-screen. That’s why I felt his journey to his dreams seemed little easier compared to the rest of the characters.

His best block of episodes will always be the part 1 Episode 1, 2, 3. Episode 1 is the character defining episode for Naruto and what he learned there will be applied everywhere till the very end of the series. He learned 3 things

Forgiveness, Empathy and Acceptance

Talk-No-Jutsu

Kage Bunshin no Jutsu

From then on, this boy wins many friends to his side, not only from Konoha but from other villages too and even made them to acknowledge his strength only through his sheer hard work. 

However, there is this person, whose acknowledgement he wants the most.  That person is his most important bond along with Iruka Sensei. He is none other than Sasuke. One day, Sasuke left him alone for some unavoidable reason at the end of part 1 which left a huge scar in him and he vows to bring him back to the place where he belongs. That becomes his ultimate goal rather than becoming an Hokage.

The way he goes to any extent to protect the people he cares about is just simply entertaining to watch.

Every time he makes an heroic entry to save the day was never boring, not once. 

Best Moments:

Sobbing from his heart after hearing Iruka Sensei acknowledging him (It just makes me feel heavy for no reason. The anime team did an awesome job to capture his emotions convincingly)

Awakening Kyuubi Mode for the first time after seeing Sasuke die in his arms (Man, out of all the collective hatred he got from the villagers, this moment affected him a lot speaks volumes)

Punching Neji from the underground to win the Chunin exams (God, I honestly believed Naruto lost but he just surprised us heavily from nowhere. And that failure speech was just pure bliss to watch even today)

Pain Vs Naruto (One of the best arc for Naruto. Because unlike other arcs, where Naruto fought with a team, this arc he was all alone fighting a person with Rinnegan. Be it the exuberant landing from the frogs with a dramatic kabuki music, creating multi-step attacks, coming up with novel solution in that difficult situation, finally ending the conflict without killing the enemy, becoming an hero. Superb journey. The only thing I didn’t like in that arc is some shitty selfish proposal. PUKE!!)

Bearing the burdens of his most important person and die along with him (This boy always shouts he will never die until he becomes an Hokage. But for Sasuke, he was ready to die along with him in order to not leave him alone proves how much he loves him. This shows his emotional maturity rather than shouting at Sasuke like he always did before which never reached his ears. This time it did)

Final Good Bye to Minato (Honestly, I was bawling just like Naruto in that scene no matter how many times I watch it. It started out slow but as he speaks more and more, he simply couldn’t hold back and wept a sea of tears 😭😭😭)

2. Uchiha Sasuke

One of the well written characters in this series, with all the flaws and positive stuffs which makes him more of an Anti-Hero. He always subverts my preformed opinions and never ceased to surprise me.

Despite being aloof and cold, his warmer side will always be exposed towards Naruto. This is evident by many things he had done for Naruto which he don’t have to or no reason to. Starting right from roasting Sakura, offering lunch, asking for tips, enquiring about breakfast, protecting him many times and dying for Naruto. 

Why I placed him above Naruto is because of his unavoidable decision to tread in a complicated dark path primarily due to the trauma he carried and was stirred up again by collective factors such as Orochimaru’s cursed seal, Itachi’s arrival and Naruto’s growth. Compared to Sasuke, Naruto had an easier path because he never saw anyone die before his eyes and hence he don’t carry any trauma which can divert his path.

Even after watching his entire clan and family members murdered before his eyes at an age 8, he managed to pull himself and never snapped out like many other good characters does. But the moment when he found out that Itachi was good all along, he simply couldn’t tolerate the truth and gave himself to Vengeance. Because, he loved his brother more than he hated him all these years. This shows he loved his brother more than his parents. His resolve to destroy Konoha was perfectly understandable. But is it good? Nope. He can kill Danzo and those old hags but killing other people was never justifiable.

But still, his resolve to have his vengeance was diverted by Naruto and weakened by Itachi, at some point. So, he decided to know the truth and when he heard it, he understood the Hokages also sacrificed many precious things to protect this village just like his Brother Itachi. He understood the mistakes of his clan and decided to protect the village which he swore to destroy. [Many Sasuke fanatics think that he succumbed to the Government and Kishi wrote Sasuke to bootlick them. Their idea was to tackle genocide with another genocide. What a stupid idea!!!!]

And No, I don’t consider him trying to kill Sakura, Karin and Kakashi as his bad moments (though I feel bad for Karin). For the simple reason being, he became a monster by losing himself in the darkness who lost the rationality to differentiate friends from foes. Much similar to how Naruto lost himself to Kyuubi’s hatred against Orochimaru and in Pain Arc. It’s so hypocritical to ignore Naruto and accuse Sasuke here. Plus, Sakura had no business to be there otherwise Sasuke would not have tried to kill her. 

But does it mean Sasuke did nothing wrong???

Nope.

He definitely shouldn’t have joined Akatsuki and hunted Killer Bee like an animal. Because, he knew that Tobi was the one who helped Itachi massacre the clan. When fighting Itachi he specifically vowed to kill Madara (Tobi). On top of that, Itachi passed on Amaterasu in his eyes specifically to stay away from Tobi. Why did he ally with him? Plus, Sasuke was one of the few characters who was exposed to the name ‘Akatsuki’ in part 1 itself. He clearly knew that this organization targets Naruto, his closest bond. Why did he join there? This is where the stupid part of Sasuke came out. I was grunting... ‘Oii Where did that clever Sasuke, who faced 1000 soldiers without killing any of them, went??’. 

And his plan for Revolution???? I thought it would be reasonable. But his vision was eerily similar to Danzo’s vision. Grrr..... Danzo also wanted to create his ideal village by destroying the current Hokage. He wanted to unite the Five Village and put himself on top of everyone as evident from the Kage Summit arc. 

I appreciate him that he finally adopted the Will of Fire, by wanting to protect the village at all costs just like Itachi and Hashirama did. But his methods are not very democratic. Plus, he wanted to do it alone. I was screaming at him... ‘Grrr, Sasuke, did you listen to Itachi at all???. He failed because he did everything alone. Why can’t you understand????’ This is also another instance, Sasuke’s stupidity glanced out.

I am happy Naruto knocked some sense into him by telling him not to do it alone but together.

Many fanatics also ask, ‘What did Sasuke do wrong to atone for his sins at the end?’.

I was like ‘Reallly????’

He joined Akatsuki, an organization which terrorized all the 5 villages and he hunted someone like an international criminal.

He spoiled the Kage Summit and attacked Raikage who lost his arm because of him. I know what happened over there is not Sasuke’s fault. But these are the kages who was loved by many people in their own villages. How can the world forget it and simply let him go?

It’s exactly because of all those lovely stuffs he did in Part 1 and all these mistakes he did in Part 2 but willing to correct his mistakes by sharing the burdens of his other half in the end made him more interesting, complicated and exciting and that’s why I love this character.

I also have a personal bias to love this character sooo much because of the character on top of my list.

Best Moments:

Defending Naruto before Sakura (Awww!!! Such a good boy he was. Eventhough I thought he was a typical arrogant K-Drama hero, he just subverted my opinion in that one scene. I always have a thing for people who stands up for someone even though they don’t have to. This is where I started to like Sasuke)

My body moved on its own. (Is there anything that trumps this scene in terms of emotions and love in this series?. This moment is where I understood the depth of Sasuke’s emotions towards Naruto).

What is a Clan? What is a Village? What is a Shinobi? (I was really hoping for Sasuke to question himself something similar to this. Because he was so self-absorbed in his hatred and failed to look outside him ever since he left the village. It was so gratifying that he did that)

Killing Orochimaru (I always thought Sasuke will kill him only after he tries to take over the body. Never imagined that he will strike the snake first)

Killing Danzo (Man, what an amazing battle!!!. It was so gratifying to see such a crass bastard die many times over and over).

His dramatic confession through his monologue (After the mystery of Who is this Tobi, Sasuke’s obsession towards Naruto remained a mystery for me. Why did he listen to Naruto under the bridge? Why did he protected Naruto in the War? I got the answer only after this confession. It was so heartwarming to see this mellow side of Sasuke)

1. Uchiha Itachi

I could write pages about him. The foremost reason I like Itachi and earns the top spot in my rankings is because he shockingly resembled me in many ways. As I already said, I come from a place where clan politics plays a major role and when I see Sasuke’s flashback in part 1, I was simply dumbstruck by such a detailed similarities.

Elder child of the family - ✅

Have an adorable younger sister who loves me more than my parents - ✅

Same age gap (5 years) with my sister as Itachi and Sasuke - ✅

Parents paying total attention on me while ignoring my sister completely - ✅

Parents constantly comparing my achievements with my sister - ✅

A sister who bear hugged me every time I entered the home after returning from my school - ✅

Despite my mom being a teacher, my sister always prefers me to teach her stuffs as she considers me to be way too better than my mom -  ✅

Love my sister more than my parents - ✅

Clan-Obsessed parents - ✅

Used me as a tool for the benefit of the clan - ✅

Sending another person from my clan to spy on me - ✅

Strained relationship with my parents - ✅

Disgusted with my clan - ✅

Most importantly, this dialogue from part 1 episode 129,

Clan? Clan?

Obsessed with the organization, Obsessed with the clan, Obsessed with the name, that’s merely the detestable action that restrict yourself.

I have given up all hope in this worthless clan

Because, people obsess themselves to their clan, a thing so petty, they lose sight of the things that are truly important.

A real change cannot occur under restraints and controls

I confronted my parents with the exact same dialogue (almost 98% similar) in my own native language some years ago. 

I didn’t even know the existence of Naruto series at that time. I was simply shell-shocked by all these similarities with this character. 

And Yes, The moment I heard these dialogues, I knew Itachi, was a good guy, who had a very strong reason for his actions and I instantly knew Sasuke’s revenge will not bear him any happiness. 

It is exactly because of all these striking similarities of myself with Itachi, and my lil’l sister with Sasuke, my family dynamics with the Uchiha family.... I could understand the magnitude of Sasuke’s love towards Itachi. 

And precisely because of that, I could understand Sasuke’s love towards Naruto is not fucking ‘brotherly’ one but something that leans towards Attraction. 

No wonder, Itachi left Sasuke in Naruto’s care. 

Anyways to speak objectively, 

Itachi is an extremely self-sacrificial person whose life is full of pain and miseries but never blames it on the world unlike other Uchiha members like Madara, Obito and Sasuke to an extent.

He did things considering the bigger picture which never benefitted himself in anyway and was willing to go to any extent even at the expense of his own family and his brother’s happiness. That is, Uchiha Clan Massacre and Joining Akatsuki. None of this benefitted him in anyways but he did it anyway, for the village of Konoha. 

His ideals are shockingly similar to Hashirama, Which Sasuke pointed this out and Hashirama acknowledged that Itachi was a better shinobi than he was. ❤️❤️❤️

Now, does this means I support Uchiha clan massacre?

No way. Even Itachi didn’t.

This massacre happened because of the huge clusterfuck from Hiruzen’s incompetence, Danzo’s paranoid arrogance, Uchiha clan’s devious plan to over throw the government by force rather than approaching it in a peaceful way, say, a peace talk or a protest. 

All these people acted on their own self-interest. Itachi and Shisui caught in their whirlpool, bear their burdens and paid for it with their life. Sasuke suffered for it.

But, it’s not the only reason I love this character. It’s because, the moment he decided to massacre everyone, he marked his own death by the hands of his beloved brother. I love people who owns up their mistakes and face the consequences rather than making excuses (even though it’s not entirely his mistake).

Itachi is also the only character in this series who realized his failures on his own without anyone’s interference or Naruto’s Talk-No-Jutsu. 

And he apologized for everything he did to Sasuke.

Again, some hardcore Sasuke fanatics criticize/hate him for torturing their poor ‘Sasuke-Kun’ with his Tsukuyomi. I was like ‘Hmmm...What?’. 

First off, Itachi apologized to Sasuke for not thinking out from his point of view and also for not telling him the truth earlier.

Second off, Sasuke never even blamed Itachi for anything (even he didn’t hold him for killing their parents). If Sasuke himself, forgiven Itachi... Why are his fans being so rabid?

Third off, for all of his supposed ‘crimes’, he paid for it by dying as a disgraceful Madman rather than a Hero who really saved the village. He is someone who should be celebrated like Naruto but instead died proudly as a Traitor of Konoha.

All in all, One of the wonderfully written character I have ever seen in the media. 

Best Moments:

Itachi vs Sasuke (That battle was a pure brilliance and highly emotional especially after knowing the truth. When Sasuke released his Kirin, Itachi showed off his ultimate armour Susanoo like a badass. Seeing Susanoo for the first time gave me chills. No, Sasuke didn’t kill him. Itachi died on his own)

Itachi vs Orochimaru (Man, Itachi may look mellow but when it comes to Orochimaru he is a pure Sass. He screwed that snake up both the times by a wide margin. It seems Uchiha brothers like to fuck up Orochimaru, LOL)

Talk-No-Jutsu’ing Naruto (Geez, Naruto was being completely bratty and was full of saviour complex like he was going to bear everyone’s hatred by himself. I was almost annoyed. Thanks to Itachi, he realised. Probably he is the only character to shut Naruto using his own jutsu)

Izanami’ing Kabuto (Other than Naruto, he is the only character to go out of his way to empathize with a villain and put extreme effort to change him. I think this is why Sasuke loves Naruto, for seeing these similarities??? ).

Goodbye to Sasuke (The first time when he said ‘Forgive me, Sasuke. This is the last’ by poking his forehead and finally closing the distance by butting with Sasuke’s head softly saying ‘I will love you always’.... It always evokes uncontrollable tears in me, no matter how many times I watch it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭)

HONOURABLE MENTION

Uchiha Obito

God, Am such a sucker for Uchiha guys individually, though collectively as a clan they fucked up big time. I simply couldn’t find the place for him in the top 10. He is a classic example of What Naruto will be like if he becomes a villain?

However, all those horrible stuffs he did just for a girl whom he had a crush on which was never reciprocated seems childish. That’s why I couldn’t put him in Top 10.

And his understandable but weird obsession on Naruto was always enjoyable to watch. 

One cute thing I liked about him was, whatever criminal stuffs he may have done, he was never a cheapskate though. He had every chance to take back Kakashi’s Sharingan to activate his own Susanoo. But he never even thought of such an idea. He was a bad guy. But a good friend, no matter what. 

Pure Baby!!! But lost his way!!!

Best Moments:

Importance of Team Work (’In the ninja world, Those who break the rules are  scum. But those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum’. This very legacy he left to Kakashi came to defeat him later. And Naruto follows this motto even today)

Sacrificing his Sharingan (’I am giving you my Sharingan. No matter what the villagers say, you are a great Jonin. Please take it’. Awww!!! Obito. He left his Sharingan which helped Kakashi to complete a jutsu called ‘Chidori’, which is a go-to jutsu of Sasuke)

Thanks for the ask, anon. I thoroughly enjoyed writing this. ❤️

[featherfur]

Meng Yao should have been around when Jiang Cheng was running around with his head cut off trying to make disciples out of rogues and convince everyone to get started on the war. I just think he’d see this, probably manic, idiot who needs help and is 100% willing to be bossed around and who really doesn’t care about Meng Yao station in life because he’s just fucking desperate and wants to die but can’t because Yanli and just go “actually I’m interested”. Because Jiang Cheng would riot if he knew Meng Yao wanted to go back to his dad, and well Jiang Cheng is very pathetic when he thinks he’s being left behind (“You’re leaving me for the Jin just like Shijie? Tears and loud words for you! Tears and loud words dor a thousand years!”)

And Meng Yao would have a spot in Lotus Pier where he is VERY clearly wanted, he probably doesn’t become sworn brothers with anyone (or LXC and NMJ realize that no one needs to give the Jin any more influence and become sworn brothers with Jiang Cheng) unless it’s Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian (unfortunately WWX will still probably be killed or hunted at the very least but atleast Qin Su is alive? Maybe having MY around will help calm JC into the fact that LWJ wants to bang his brother and help him so JC can convince WWX to let LWJ atleast play for him, then maybe WWX can accidentally let slip about him already destroying one half and LWJ can help destroy the other half… Dunno if the Wen Remnants survive either sorry, honestly I don’t know if anyone can stop JGS in the long run)

So there’s two ways this goes: (under read more I have Thoughts)

Meng Yao DOES go to the Jin Sect still because JC gets wanting your Dad’s Approval even when he’s a dick AND he protects Yanli who immediately adopted him when JC showed up to the war with him. Without being stuck between a Rock and a Hard place (sorry NMJ not everyone is a annoyingly stubborn with their morals as you and MY is being hurt :( leave him alone :(( ) MY is able to continue being pressured without breaking and even though JGS keeps trying to get him to manipulate JC, MY won’t and won’t manipulate NMJ either and every time he goes to Lotus Pier to ‘look into’ the Jiang Sect he actually just spends the week being plied with children and listening to Jiang Cheng explain the fashion industry Again and talk about silks vs cashmeres vs wool so he just gets a vacay and is more prepared to stand up against his dad.

Also JC and Yanli catch on pretty quick to Madam Jin abusing MY because they were there after Madam Yu would hurt WWX and they know the signs of trying to hide the pain and Yanli suddenly starts Show Up whenever Madam Jin tries anything because that is her Didi now and she will protect him and if anyone ELSE tries to mess with him she will rip them apart like when Jin Zixun tries to bother WWX.

JGS does eventually manage to frame something on WWX but MY intervenes immediately by telling JC the truth and without the ‘did my kinda insane PTSD ridden brother so this?” Panic thoughts JC gets his people and is waiting for the force of Jin and smaller sects, with his two sworn brothers on either side. Because yeah NMJ absolutely hates the Wen but can he really ignore LXC and JC? Plus NHS on the side? He’s only there to protect WWX, anyone else can get fucked and even then he’s only protecting WWX because JC asked him too because NMJ thinks WWX sucks for choosing the wens because he’s very much of the one track ‘the wens suck’ mind. MY pretends he has no idea what’s going on but he does summon Jin Zixuan on ‘accident’ who shows up, annoyed he had to leave his kid, and is like “are we really going to accuse Nie Mingjue, known Wen hater, of protecting Wei Wuxian and lying about his innocence? Because his sword is the same size as my body and I’d rather Not”

(okay he’s more polite and subtle but that’s the gist) somehow Jin Guangshan dies, I’m voting Yanli poisoned him because I think Meng Yao is 100% willing at this point to simply take the abuse because Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen aren’t essentially telling him to murder his father and that he’s stupid for not holding harder to his morals (sorry NMJ,,, you just,, I love you but MY is hurting and he’s not as stabby as you) NMJ is still very much crankily telling him his dad sucks whenever they meet but Jiang Cheng gets all sparkly whenever MY is around because MY will say he’s Doing Good, so there’s only so much room before JC start just biting anyone who even looks at MY wrong. (NMJ says he’s proud of JC once and JC just starts crying and NMJ UnderstandsTM why MY won’t leave him alone)

But Yanli has to be the one to kill him because MY wouldn’t because he’s a filial son and probably hasn’t lost his hope he will be Loved, Jin Zixuan wouldn’t because he’s like the only one in the entire show not down with murder, Madam Jin is not about to give up the power and money that comes from being the wife of Jin Guangshan even if JZX would take care of her because Yanli clearly is willing to rip everyone apart who fucks with her family and unlike Jiang Cheng is willing to change the status quo, and if JGS dies on a hunt they’ll blame WWX so Yanli just poisons him slowly and he dies from ‘illness’. JZX takes power, Meng Yao is told he’s amazing twelve times a day because JZX can do busy work and argue against anyone but he cannot have a small talk conversation to save his life. Life continues peacefully, Jiang Cheng keeps kidnapping JZX’s advisor because he misses him. Meng Yao knows how to control literally every single great sect but he’s busy chasing down his nephews and helping Jiang Cheng avoid marriage offers to do anything.

Once Jin Guangshan died, LXC and MY both swooped in to have the Wen Remnants moved somewhere else to ‘civilize’ them (using LXC’s own words here) and WWX is very much caught between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji arguing over who he’s going home with and he’s honestly never felt more Loved TM. WWX spends six months to break the rest of the tiger rally under the grumpy/watchful eye of NMJ who still isn’t happy anyone from the Wen’s is still alive but he’s weak to puppy eyes and also when he’s being strong armed by his sworn brothers, MY, and NHS (though he still keeps an eye on the actual cultivators, he’s pretty much forgotten the rest of the Wen Remnants exist he just cares about the ones who know how to use a sword). Wangxian happens, idk how I’m voting for a wild Jingyi another orphan decides that he wants to meet the Purple Angry Man and body slams into WWX’s legs trying to get to the Purple man and LWJ catches him and it’s a full on romantic moment of staring into each other’s eyes while Jiang Cheng makes disgusted noises and Meng Yao pats his hand and just tells him to accept it.

Or Meng Yao stays in Lotus Pier because Jiang Cheng has problems and Meng Yao loves a messy loudmouth aggressive bitch with a secret heart of gold. Also Jiang Cheng is the exact kind of Demi-aroace dummy to not realize Meng Yao has a crush on LXC and keeps sending him over to Cloud Recesses to help with trade or something and MY gets to hang out with his crush constantly.

MY is Jiang Cheng’s personal advisor since WWX is currently refusing to process his trauma and staying in a very traumatic place. MY does try to help but WWX doesn’t trust him and probably only half trusts him around JC, BUT MY is very good with kids and helps work with JC on how to slip WWX supplies while negotiating directly with Nie and Lan without Jin glaring over him this time, and Jin Zixuan is more than happy to help when he can because again he’s just like the only one with modern morals and wants Lotus Pier to be strong since if all the sects fall then well the fucking demons/ghosts they hunt will eat them. So WWX is slowly atleast not ready to kill him, Meng Yao finds out WWX already destroyed half the Tiger Tally and tries to get him to let NMJ and LXC help him destroy it further (because that ties the three sects closer and so WWX won’t just stab someone if someone isn’t happy about the Wen’s existing)

Yanli poisons Jin Guangshan again because I think that’s the best way for him to go, Meng Yao does grieve but also that lasts for three minutes before Jiang Cheng shows up with some children he found in Yunmeng and Meng Yao needs to explain to him again that just because the kid latches on doesn’t mean you can take them home. But with JGS out of the way it’s a lot easier to strong arm NMJ into letting the Lan take the remnants (JC and NMJ still aren’t happy about it but NMJ can’t fight the three other sects and JC is getting his brother back and he’ll take the Wen living if that means WWX is too) and WWX returns to Lotus Pier. The truth of the golden core comes out probably via WWX having a flashback or panic attack or something (or that one theory of Yanli knowing,,,) words happen, WWX storms off to find LWJ.

Meng Yao wonders why he likes messy cry babies but still helps out Jiang Cheng because they’re technically brother in laws and also because he really does care about him. Wangxian happens and now Jiang Cheng is really pissed but WWX also said he wasn’t going to just up and leave so they’re on a rotating system but honestly everyone’s just waiting for them to move permanently to Lotus Pier because Lan Wangji has this giant hole in his heart for kids who love Wei Wuxian and Lotus Pier is filled with kids who are Jiang and therefore are insane ans love WWX.

Personally I think this one is the least likely but it sounds very nice right?

[sunrisefairy]

Don’t forget me

Pairing: George Weasley x reader

Word count: 3.6k

Summary: Y/N and George were in a car accident, leaving Y/N in a coma. George isn’t sure if their life will go back to normal.

Warning: Car accident, mention of broken bones, a few swear words, sad George. 

A/N: this was longer then I planned for it to be, it’s a little one the angsty side but worth it I swear. 

Taglist: @hufflepuff5972​ message me if you would like to be added! 

Hope you enjoy. 

Italics signify a flashback. 

George couldn’t remember the last time he felt this worried and scared, actually the second Wizarding War would be a close contender. But right now, he couldn’t think about anything else besides you laying unconscious in a hospital bed.

George’s leg bounced up and down in the waiting room chair. What was meant to be a romantic date night turned into nightmare.

“Merlin, I think I’m going to explode with how full I am right now. That was the best risotto I’ve ever had.” Y/N moans, relaxing in the passenger seat as George chuckles and pulls out of the parking spot.

The redhead rests his hand on Y/N’s leg, concentrating on the snow filled road. “We definitely need to have date nights more often.”

The couple had been dating for almost 6 years having met at Hogwarts. George had worked up the courage to ask the H/C haired girl out, she had said yes, and the rest was history.

“I won’t say no to that, especially if you pay” Y/N jokes and squeezes Georges hand.

George glances over at Y/N who is staring out the window watching the snow fall. He can’t believe how lucky he is, Y/N is by far the most gorgeous girl he’s every laid his eyes on.

Y/N turns to face him having sensed his gaze on her. George swears he had only been looking at the beauty next to him for a moment, but his heart stops when he sees Y/N’s eyes widen and his name escaping from her lips, drawing his attention back to the road. George panics when his brain registers the bright lights of a truck right in front of them, gripping the steering wheel with both hands he tries to swerve out of the way, causing the car to flip and crash into a nearby tree.

“Any news yet dear?” George looks up to see his mum, Molly standing in front of him with a cup of water in an outstretched hand. He just shakes his head, taking the cup.

“Still in surgery” George sighs rubbing his eyes, Y/N had been in surgery by the time George woke up in the hospital bed. Molly and Fred had been waiting for him to wake up, they looked equally distraught. George hadn’t been told much of the details surrounding Y/N, only she had been taken straight into the operating room when they arrived.

George groans leaning back into the rather uncomfortable plastic chair. His arm is wrapped in a sling, doctors said he had broken his collarbone and his legs and arms were covered in multiple cuts and bruises but that was the extent of his injuries.

“She’s gonna be okay mate. Its Y/N we’re talking about, she’s a fighter” The voice comes from Fred, George hadn’t notice when he returned from his mission to find some decent food, not that George really cared to eat anything right now.

“Y/N L/N?” it’s the doctor speaking now, he is standing in front of them, clipboard in hand with a rather serious look on his face which might just be his permanent expression.

George jumps to his feet eager to know something, anything, he needs to know if Y/N is okay. His throat is dry, and it feels like a razor blade when he swallows, he’s 80% sure he might be sick or pass out from the worry, but he doesn’t care. Molly grab his hand in comfort, George finds himself squeezing it back.

George is having a hard time understanding what the doctor is saying, his brain feels fuzzy and he can only comprehend bits and pieces of the conversation. He can make out ‘Y/N is out of surgery’ and ‘brain swelling’ and ‘induced coma’ and George feels his legs give way.

Fred is at his side pulling him back up, “c’mon Georgie, we can go see her.”

Y/N’s giggles fill the air “Georgie, stop! Anyone could walk around the corner and find us.”

George’s hands are under Y/N’s school shirt, caressing her sides while his mouth is attacking her neck leaving as many dark bruises as he can, “I don’t care, I’m allowed to kiss my girlfriend when she looks this ravishing.”

Y/N moans quietly, her eyes fluttering closed as her hands thread through the redhead’s soft hair tugging lightly.

“I love you,” Y/N breathes out before she can stop herself. She stiffens, clamping a hand around her mouth. They couple hadn’t shared those words with each other yet, only been dating for a few months. “pretend I didn’t say that.” Y/N tries to backtrack, worried she gone and scared George.

By now George has moved from his original position and is looking down at Y/N searching her eyes.

“Say it again.”

Y/N hesitates, “I love you.”

George grabs her face in his giant hands and begins peppering soft kisses all over her face, “again” he mumbles against her skin.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” The short girl giggles.

Eventually George stops his attack on his girlfriend, “I love you too. Please don’t ever stop saying you love me.”

“Promise."

George reckons if it was quieter the world might be able to hear his heart thumping in his chest. His pace quickens as he looks at the room numbers, 205, 207, 209 and then 211. Once he enters the cold, white room he sees Y/N, laying in the hospital bed, covering in tubes.

“Godric,” he rushes over to his girlfriend’s side, clinging onto her hand and brushing some hair away that’s fallen onto her face. “baby.”

“I’m aware Doctor Anderson has already spoken with you Mr. Weasley, but Miss L/N here is in an induced coma due to the swelling against her brain. While she isn’t awake, I’m sure she can hear you.” The nurse notes before slipping out of the room.

“Baby, you have no idea how scared I’ve been. I miss you so much, I need you to get better so you can wake up and tell me how much of an idiot I am for driving in the snow. I am so sorry. Darling I am such a fucking idiot. Merlin, that should be me laying in a coma right now.” George babbles on and on for what feels like hours, his tears dried against his cheeks. At some point he falls asleep in the chair beside your bed, still clinging onto your hand.

“Happy birthday darling,” George says handing a very confused Y/N a small yellow wrapped box.

“Georgie my birthday isn’t for another few months” She grabs the box and slowly unwraps it, slightly nervous about what’s inside, Georges gift giving can be very unpredictable, most of them result in some sort of prank.

“I know but I couldn’t wait any longer to give you this present, seeing as you just finished school and all.”

Y/N tosses the wrapping paper aside and carefully lifts the lid of the tiny box; inside she sees a single key. “a key?”

“To my apartment” George answers, “I want you to move in with me and Fred.”

Y/N gazes up at her boyfriend surprised, “really? You want me to move in with you?”

“Of course, I can’t stand being away from you a moment longer. So… what do you say?”

Y/N has tears forming in her eyes, she has never felt love like this before and she prays it always stays this way forever. “Of course I’ll move in with you, silly!’ Y/N exclaims wrapping her arms around George’s neck.

George realises a breath he didn’t know he was holding “I was worried you might say no, thought maybe you think you’d get sick of me.”

Y/N shakes her head and nuzzles her face into Georges chest, “could never get sick of you babe, you’re stuck with me forever.”

It’s been a week? Maybe 2 or is it 3? George isn’t really sure how long its been, he’s spent every day in the hospital since the accident, the days seem to blur together. Fred has brought him some clothes here and there and convinced him to go home to shower a few times because ‘you smell like actual trash, probably doing some damage to Y/N’s nose with your stench’.

The doctors said the swelling in Y/N’s brain had improved and decided to bring her out of the medically induced coma. George has been persistent in asking when his girlfriend will wake up but only receiving an unhelpful reply of ‘it’s hard to tell, could take some time’. So, George decided he’d make sure he was by Y/N’s side for when she wakes up, not wanting her to be confused about her surroundings.

George has been tracing patterns onto the back of Y/N’s soft hand, quietly humming a tune to one of her favourite songs when she wakes up.

“Uh, excuse me?” Y/N’s voice came out croaky.

George’s head snapped up, “Oh merlin! You’re awake! You’re awake! Oh I’ve missed you baby!” he rushes to say as he’s clicking the nurses button to notify them.

Y/N scrunches up her eyebrows, feeling confused and eyes darting around the room. George is back at her side gripping her hand so tightly he doesn’t notice Y/N flinch slightly.

“How are you feeling darling? Are you in pain?” The redhead asks.

Y/N is in a tremendous amount of pain, her neck is aching, her wrist feels sore and stomach hurts when she breathes but she isn’t focused on any of that, all she is focused on right now is this man in front of her, this stranger.

“I’m sorry, but who are you?” Y/N whispers out, her throat stopping her from speaking any louder.

“What?” George squeaks dropping Y/N’s hand. At this moment the nurse comes into the room to tend to Y/N. George feels like he’s suffocating, he throat feels tight and dry and he can’t seem to breathe.

The nurse peeks at him noticing his pale face, “Mr. Weasley are you okay?”

“She-she doesn’t remember me.” He says not sure if the nurse heard. “She doesn’t know who I am.” He says louder this time.

The nurse looks taken back and begins asking Y/N questions, ‘what’s your name?’, ‘can you tell me what year it is?’.

George doesn’t wait to hear the answers, instead rushing out the room and heading outside, needing air. He quite literally bumps into Fred outside the hospital who was on his way to deliver him some food. The older twin notices his brothers horrified expression.

“Woah, is everything okay George? Is it Y/N? is she awake?” George’s breathing starts to quicken, he’s losing his grip on reality, he feels like he’s falling and he doesn’t know what to do. “Georgie mate look at me. Okay, just breathe buddy. Like this.” Fred takes some slow exaggerated deep breaths trying to calm down his brother. George’s eyes meet Fred’s and starts to copy him, which eventually slows down his heart rate and calms him down.

“Okay now can you tell me what’s going on?” Fred enquires.

George feels the hot fat tears running down his face as he wraps his arms around his brother, “she doesn’t remember me, Freddie. She doesn’t know who I am."

“Okay now are you going to tell us why you randomly dropped by?” Arthur asks as the 3 of them sit around the kitchen table, sipping at his tea.

“Not that we don’t love having you over dear.” Molly adds sending Arthur a glare.

George clears his throat looking between the 2, he knows his mum is going to flip. “I’ve decided I’m going to propose to Y/N.”

Molly squeals and pulls her son into a bone crushing hug, “oh my boy! This is amazing news. I’m so happy.” Arthur pats him on the back, “congratulations, we’re so proud of you.”

George chuckles as Molly pulls away, wiping the tears off her face.

Molly begins asking a million questions ranging from when George is planning on popping the question to how. “I haven’t decided yet, kind of waiting for the right time.”

Molly couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face. Y/N was perfect for her boy, since they first started dating in school Molly had an inkling it was the real deal and they’d end up getting married. George’s face would light up whenever Y/N was mentioned in a conversation and when he invited her over to spend the summer at the Burrow for the first time, he always had his hand in hers or holding her waist, stealing kisses whenever he could. It made Molly insanely happy to see how smitten her son was with Y/N.

“You tell us as soon as you her ask okay?” Molly insisted pointing a finger at George.

“I will, you’ll be the first to know.”

George is back in Y/N’s hospital room with Fred by his side. They’ve passed Doctor Anderson on their way up who explained Y/N’s situation. Retrograde amnesia, she can’t remember the last 7 years of her life, ultimately her life with George. The doctor mentioned her memory may come back, with brain injuries it’s hard to tell, but there is the chance that it won’t and that terrifies George. Doctor Anderson said that in a few days once Y/N is feeling better she can go home, he says it best for her to get back into her normal routine as soon as possible.

Y/N’s eyes look between the 2 identical men standing in front of her. They look vaguely familiar, like older versions of boys she used to know from school. After the redhead ran out of the room earlier the nurse and doctor filled Y/N in on her situation. Y/N was completely shocked to find out that she’s forgotten 7 years of her life, she isn’t some teenager at Hogwarts anymore and that is kind of freaking her out to be honest. The 2 redheads in front of her have yet to say anything and its annoying Y/N, she senses they are scared to speak to her, as if she might break.  

“Oh my godric will one of you please something” Y/N finally huffs out annoyed.

The twin on the left, who isn’t the one Y/N ‘met’ earlier clears his throat and speaks “so I’m guessing you don’t remember us. Uh- I’m Fred and this is George, my brother.” Fred finds this unbelievably hard having to introduce himself to someone he’s known for years. Since Y/N and George started dating at Hogwarts him and Y/N had become pretty close friends.

“Fred and George” Y/N whispers, that does sound familiar. “Nice to meet you” Y/N pauses “re-meet you?”

Fred gives a light-hearted chuckle.

Y/N is filled with an ample amount of questions, she doesn’t know where to begin. “So how do I know you both? I mean we must be close if you’ve been waiting at the hospital for me.”

Y/N notices the twin on the right, George, looking like he’s in physical pain. Fred and George share a knowing look with each other before the younger twin starts to speak.

“Um, we met at Hogwarts actually and became pretty close,” he clears his throat and Y/N waits patiently for him to continue “you and me are… we’re actually dating.”

There’s an awkward tension in the air, no one can find the right words to speak. Fred has sat down on the wooden chair next to Y/N’s bed kind of regretting his decision to be here for moral support. George hasn’t moved from his position at the foot of the hospital bed, hand in his pocket staring down at his shoes.

“Oh” Y/N manages, “for how long?”

George inform Y/N that they’ve been officially dating for 5 almost 6 years, that they also live together in a flat above Fred and George’s joke shop which Y/N sometimes works at to help the boys. It feels strange for Y/N to hear about her life when none of it sounds familiar.

A few days later Y/N is standing in the living room of the flat, looking around at the photo frames hung up on the wall. Many of them include her, one in particular catches her eye. It’s a photo of her and George at the beach, George looks the same as he does now so Y/N guesses it may have been from the past summer. George has his arm around her waist tickling her sides as Y/N throws her head back laughing then George plants a sloppy kiss against her cheek. They look so happy, so in love. Y/N’s heart aches.

“I’ll show you to the bedroom if you like” Y/N turns around to find George standing there. She follows him into the bedroom. “If you need anything, I’ll just be in the living room.” George steps towards Y/N but falters, he normally kisses her goodnight. “um night.” He turns quickly on his heels and walks right out the door.

Y/N lays in bed that night, trying desperately to search her brain for something. She’s gotta remember something. But nothing comes up. She feels like a failure, and so overwhelmed she can’t help but cry herself to sleep that night. Just in the other room George lays uncomfortably on the couch, trying to sleep with a sling on your arm and a broken collarbone proves very difficult, he too has tears staining his cheeks as he finally falls asleep.

“Will you quit staring at me” George mumbles, his eyes still closed.

Y/N pokes his cheek earning a grumble from the sleepy boy. They had been living together for 1 year now and Y/N couldn’t be any happier. “Wake up sleepy head.”

She tries poking his cheek again when he doesn’t answer. “Leave me be” George mumbles.

Y/N purses her lips an idea forming in her head, “you leave me no choice.” She stands up in the bed and starts jumping around and yelling “Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!”

Eventually George opens his eyes and grabs onto Y/N’s legs pulling her down and on top of him who is giggling like crazy, George smiles too.

“You are going to be the death of me, ya know that?” George says kisses her cheek.

Y/N laughs, “you love me though right Georgie?”

“Always.”

Y/N jolts awake, that dream feeling so realistic. It’s been 2 weeks since she left the hospital and some nights, she has these dreams that feel so unbelievably real or she’ll do something that give her déjà vu. She hasn’t told George about it though; she doesn’t want to get his hopes up in case her memories don’t return.

Y/N walks into the kitchen to find George making coffee, his red hair sticking in a million of different directions.

“Mornin’ Georgie” Y/N greets, going to make some toast.

George whips his head to face the smaller girl, she hasn’t called him Georgie since before the accident. Y/N doesn’t seem to notice though and continues to make her toast. “Morning,” he mumbles back “any progress on the memory?”

Y/N shakes her head and George feels his heart drop. He doesn’t want to think about what happens if Y/N never regains her memories, frightened she’ll never feel the way she used too. His family seem very optimistic about the whole situation, Ginny thinks that the whole situation is very romantic but each day that goes by George loses hope.

 It's a Saturday night and they’ve just finished watching a movie on the couch. Y/N fell asleep half-way through which wasn’t surprising, her head resting on George’s shoulder, he doesn’t dare move in inch. In this moment he can pretend everything is normal again.

“Mm, Georgie. Dinner.” Y/N mumbles, George looks down and sees her eyes still closed, he realises she’s sleep talking.

“What was that love?”

Y/N stirs slightly, curling into Georges side. “We should do dinner. Date night. Been too long.”

The redhead starts playing with her H/C hair. “Yeah? Where should we go?”

“You know, Valentino’s. Always go there.” Y/N breathes out.

George’s breath hitches. Y/N always chose Valentino’s when it was her choice for date night, it was this cute little Italian restaurant they’d found one night in London, it was where they went the night of the accident.

“That sounds lovely, darling.” George kisses Y/N’s forehead.

Y/N stirs from her slumber “did I fall asleep again Georgie?” she rubs her eyes trying to take in her surroundings. Her brain feels fuzzy having just woken up. Y/N looks around trying to remember how she got on the couch when she lets out a loud gasp and jumps up.

“What is it? Is everything okay?” George eyes Y/N carefully who is frantically looking around the room finally landing on George.

Y/N’s doesn’t speak for a minute her brain going crazy. While Y/N doesn’t remember everything that she’s forgotten from the last 7 years she remembers parts, the important parts. She remembers kissing George for the first time and being each other’s date for the Yule ball, she remembers how sad and proud she felt when she watched Fred and George fly out of Hogwarts for the last time, she remembers the fear and terror of the war, she remembers joking around with Fred late at night and drawing on George’s face when he fell asleep after a night of drinking but most importantly she remembers loving George.

George’s heart sores and little fireworks erupt inside his chest when he hears Y/N say, “I remember.”

He palms the small box in his jacket pocket which he hadn’t the heart to remove just in case he found the right moment.

[wizkiddx]

stop caring

yooo, so this is actually taken out of one of the sort of I guess series-esque things I’ve written, but it kinda just got shit at the end so I've given up and just wanted to post this instead. So sorry if some of the backstory isn't that clear or anything

tomhollandxfamous!reader

Summary: after your break up you bump into tom at a charity event and when shit hits the fan personally for you, someone who understands you is really what you need (angsty!!! maybe a bit of fluff too?)

TW: panic/anxiety attacks + mentions of assault

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3 months. 3 months you’d managed to avoid the boy that had given you the most joy in the previous years. 3 months without your best friend; of even when you’re with company feeling like a part of you was just absent. 

And you had been thriving. Well… that’s what everyone thought. That’s what you tried to portray, because no matter how ‘famous’ or ‘successful’ people perceived you to be - ultimately you were like anyone else. Making your insta pop off after the breakup. And so to the outside world, through the very very small lense of social media life was great. Parties, friends, work. 

You were a woman in demand - in all senses of the word. 

But of course, as is the 21st century world, it was a lie. Instagram showed only snapshots of what can be very long 24 hours in a day. Naturally, a select few obviously knew - your best friend, Y/f/n being one of them. Yet still you were missing that one support, that one person who would drag you back to reality whenever you got too much into your own head. It actually rather annoyed you, how dependent you had got on him, in every part of your life. 

And you really hadn’t expected to see him here today. You’d had your assistant check the guest list, he wasn’t on it. While getting ready, you had avoided all the products that reminded you of him; that soft nude lipstick he loved you in so much; your favourite (exfavourite) earrings. Had you known it, you would have worn these. Just because you knew it would get on his nerves a little bit. Nevertheless here you were, perhaps a little underdressed for the charity dinner in a dress you’d already worn before (because apparently that was a sin in the world of Hollywood). You couldn’t pin point from when, but it was simple yet elegant if you did say so yourself. A dark blue satin dress, that sat off your shoulders in a Bardot style; hugged your waist to accentuate your curves; then flowed outwards down to the floor with a slit up your right leg. It was simple compared to the sequin studded, diamanté jewelled dresses the rest of the women seemed to sport but it made you feel comfortable. 

Besides, that’s what you needed today. This was the first time after the breakup you’d attended a public event without your best friend-turned-assistant-turned-absolute-life-saver. Y/f/n had been the greatest with you all through your life but especially recently, she deserved the break to go back home and see her family. It was a pretty decent excuse too, her cousins wedding, so you were in absolutely no place to complain.

Evidently it just HAD to be this event then, while you were flying solo, that you’d be faced with…well with his face. His fucking gorgeous, perfect and oh so sweet face. 

Just seeing him, just seeing Tom fucking Holland, had the most intense burst of adrenaline course through your veins as you desperately scanned the rest of the room. Looking for an out, an excuse, someone to latch onto for the rest of the night. A distraction even. 

Never one to admit it openly, but really you knew your coping mechanism of the past months had been to sleep with who you wanted. Because the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else right? You knew it was stupid too. Not because of slut shaming or anything ( we aint got no outdated views here), but simply it wasn’t you. It wasn’t a good idea for you. It didn’t fit. 

Tom hadn’t seen you yet, so if you latched onto someone you’d likely be in the clear. So obviously, when your frantic glances landed upon Joe Keery, you literally sighed in relief. Joe was great, stranger things was a bit of a guilty pleasure for you - especially when you were in your trailer and bored. Just due to your line of work, you’d met a couple times, he seemed like decent crack and to you knowledge was single. 

Unsurprisingly then, you almost marched over to Joe, ignoring the slightly shaky feeling in your leg as your hearing seemed to focus completely on the sound of Tom’s bright laugh. 

It was your choice too. You’d chosen to end things. It was on you. Well really, both parties were equally guilty. Tom was the one who had been too tired and highly strung and exhausted to put effort into the relationship. Stupidly though, you were too in love to realise for so long, in doing so draining yourself in the process. The constant flying cross country to see him, when he couldn’t ever return the favour because he was too busy. It was chipping away at you, even if you didn’t notice. It took an intervention by your manager Davey and Y/f/n for you to see things for what they were. To see that Tom didn’t care as much as he used to. 

He tried to fight for it, of course Tom did, because he also truly and deeply loved you. Nonetheless though, it was too late. And that was it. You closed that book and returned it to the library. Something your mind occasionally drifts back to  and you think ‘huh that was a good read’ - yet that is the only space it occupies in your mind. 

OR that’s how it should be. Not you yesterday, comparing everything your date did to Tom and deciding everything was worse. Not you today, seeing him and nearly being floored by the way the suit was tailored to his body oh so exquisitely. Not you now, hearing his bubbly laughter and having to fight your muscles from taking you back into his arms. 

In short, you were highly strung and pining over a boy you’d killed your chance of happiness with. 

Not to blow your own horn, you knew Joe wouldn’t be against having your company for the evening. After all, you were a young, beautiful and upcoming actor. You were ,at the very least, self aware. And so for a good few hours you almost forgot about Toms presence, spending the time before the speeches sharing a ridiculously overpriced bottle of wine (or two) with him. He was funny. He made you laugh, even if he was pushing the limits occasionally and teetering just on the right side of socially acceptable. It was risky and in that moment, with the alcohol in your system, it made him seem more and more of an attractive shag. 

By the time the speeches started you were both overly giggly and had to keep shushing each other as the presenter called for quiet. Inherently, you knew exactly the location of Thomas - who he was sat around; the main he’d had at dinner; the brand of beer he’d been ordering.But that was subconscious. You were here with Joe. 

Under your voices, whilst getting some disapproving looks from the older, more mature, members of your table you and Joe sat through the first boring speech whispering jokes under your breath - making each other clamp their mouth shut to avoid bursting out laughing. Though tipsy, you were very aware of Joe inching closer and closer, while his hand was casually brushing yours or your shoulder or waist more often. You knew this was low, being so blatant in front of Tom. To be quite frank though, should you care? And did he care?

The answer in your head at least, was an almost certain no to both. 

One speech merged into another spent giggling away until Joe did something he didn’t mean. Heck he didn’t even know. His jesting quickly had toppled completely over into absolutely not category. Your brain felt like it was swimming as the name you’d avoided after that incident , almost ten years ago. The flashbacks came thick and fast. You an innocent young actor wanting to make a way in the industry. And him. A powerful, ridiculously important slightly overweight 50 year old with bad breath. That room in the corner of his hotel that you were completely lost in. 

You were going to be sick. 

Somewhere, distantly, you heard Joe saying something… asking you? Asking you if your were good? It was drowned out by a roar in your ears, you jerkily nodded your head. You knew your breathing was jilted, shaky and shallow. You knew your heart was exploding. It actually felt like a heart attack, the way it seemed to be beating as though it were going to break out of your chest. This time you really really needed an out. 

So without any words, leaving a bemused Joe, your chair screeched on the floor as you stood up, garnering the attention of the whole room. The heads literally swivelled to stare at you, judgement clearly there as you frantically half ran to the back of the room, pleading if your head fro the toilet to be nearby. You needed to be away from everyone and safe. 

Thankfully your escaped the room and the beady eyes, locating the bathroom where you threw a cubicle open, shakily locking it before collapsing into the wall in floods of tears, harsh sobs racking your frame as you clutched your hands to your knees and rocked slightly back and fourth. You dress being a full length ballgown was spilling out into the the nearby cubicles and under the door, but presumably you were alone in the loo - not hearing any other signs of life beyond your own sobs. 

This always happened when you had your anxiety attacks. It was like clockwork. Zone out, stop hearing, loose control of breathing, heart starts pounding, make a quick escape to a toilet, cry and then…

Well back before Tom, it had been to throw up. That was the only thing you’d ever found to ground you enough to get your body backorder your own conscious control. It was like a wave of relief after, like the drowning feeling in your lungs had just evaporated away. But the Tom happened. The first time he’d seen you panic he hadn’t a clue what to do either. SO he had just sat with you, not wanting you to be alone in that state and waited. That panic though, had lasted so long that you’d almost made yourself pass out from the hyperventilating. When that had happened, Tom had gone into emergency mode. He had been scared to touch you, in case that made you worse, but when he saw your body going limp he didn’t have a choice. He’d collected you into his arms, with your head against his chest. Being this close to calling an ambulance, the relief Tom felt when your breathing got more and more regular was unparalleled. 

Together, when he had you lying in his bed (recovered, if mortified and exhausted) was when you realised that you hadn’t been sick. And that was because of him. You’d grounded yourself on his heartbeat and breathing, listening to it and making yours sync up. Thats what had saved you that evening. 

Now however, Tom was gone. This was the first panic attack you’d had since he’d been gone. Of course while you were together you were rarely in the same place, even so you’d phone him. But not now. 

This all led to you sat clutching your knees as your mascara dripped down your cheeks as you had to fight to get enough oxygen into your body. You didn’t want to get into that vicious cycle of making yourself ill again. It really hadn’t been healthy.

Who knows how long you were sat there sobbing before you heard the door open and in response you clamped a hand to your mouth trying to stay silent. This irrational fear overcame you as you sat stock still, fearing the footsteps on the marble floor of the fancy function venue. Even the toilets were pretty posh. 

“Y/n?…. It’s-it’s Tom.” Oh. My. Fucking. God. That was all that was going through your brain as you bit you lip - presumably painfully, yet you didn’t really feel pain in your current state.  “Look I saw you leave and I know your on your own tonight… I-I couldn’t leave you on your own if your… well you know.” Everything was going so so fast in your brain, that it actually scared you into stopping crying, so much so you felt your hand flop back down to your side. “…I was waiting outside because I didn’t want to errr you know… but you’ve been 20 minutes so I need to know your good…..okay?”

The boy was too fucking good. And stubborn… he was too stubborn and you knew he wasn’t going to give in. It was also fairly evident that he knew you in here - there was no pretending you didn’t exist. 

“Y/n? Come on you gotta let me know.”

“I’m fine. You-you go.” Only when you spoke was it evident to yourself just how not-okay you really were. Tom just chuckled and spoke again.

“How long have you known me for? That’s just not going to happen is it.” You already knew this, but something about the way he said it made you realise a sad laugh, momentarily making you feel a bit more in control. He seemed to like that response, you heard him bend down and then saw the bottom of his tux as he sat down leaning against your cubicle door.

“Is …is this your first one… since?  You both know what he was talking about. Since you broke up. 

“Uhmm I-“ You swallowed down a fresh rise of nausea, somewhat determined to not throw up when you ex is barely a metre from you. “Yeh I suppose.” In didn’t seem a revelation to Tom, yet he still hummed lowly in response as the room drifted back to silence. 

“You… you wanna try to breath with me?… You don’t have to open the door just…”

Croaking a please in response because this feeling was really blood awful and you wanted it to end, Tom started exaggerating his breathes, as you shakily and eventually managed to start to time it with his. Without thinking, when Tom’s palm snuck half under the door you immediately grabbed and squeezed it - the contact helping to synchronise your body with his. 

It should be an alien feeling after your time apart. But no it felt oh so natural and so very right. 

Once you’d collected yourself and realised how bloody stupid this whole situation was  you withdrew your hand back, loosing the warmth as you shook your head in disapproval of yourself. So very fucking stupid. He was silent for a bit, letting you think things through whilst still sat outside your cubicle. 

“You good now?” You hummed in agreement and you felt Tom’s head fall against the door, looking up to the ceiling. “Want me to go?”

“If you want to” That was met with silence, but a very telling lack of movement that spoke a thousand words.

“You should get out of here… you wanna avoid the trigger again and I mean I know you’re exhausted.” The boy had researched panic disorder and attacks when he found out you suffered with it - he probably knew more of the psychology of it than you, whilst never having any first hand experience of it.  Annoyingly he was right, as per, after attacks you always always slept for hours - it was just a draining process. “I’ll get you a car if you want?…. I’d like to make sure you get back okay if you don’t mind.” With only your cold and empty residual feeling left, his words still managed to ignite a spark of warmth in your chest. 

“I’m not going to ruin your evening Tom.” You tried to refuse even if it was very very forced and very very hopeful he wouldn’t give in. 

“I was having a crappy evening. Sitting in the ladies toilet talking to my ex through a toilet door has actually been the highlight.”He chuckled playfully in a self pitying way, somehow again making you giggle. And so he had you standing on slightly unsteady feet, your black heels held in one hand because no wasn’t the time to put yourself through teetering around on pin needles. The shuffling outside the door meant Tom stood up too - before you unlocked the door and opened it. 

Prior to seeing Tom your eyes locked on the sight of your reflection, in the mirrors above the sinks opposite you. Perhaps the only way to describe it… it was a sight. The shock being in the juxtaposition between the elegant dress, which even having been crumpled on a bathroom floor had somehow managed to survive and still look near the off-the-hanger; but your face? Oh that was a shit show. You’d cried your makeup off almost completely, leaving your face blotchy and shining as well as the ever so telling smudged mascara under your bottom lash line. 

You had to laugh or you’d just start to cry.

“Don’t worry I’ve seen you much worse.” You saw in the reflection as Tom leaned in and whispered in your ear, making your eyes roll and head shake as you looked from him back to you. 

“I look like a paps dream.” Without instruction, Tom bolted into a nearby cubicle, wrapping layers of toilet roll round his hand before offering it to you as a makeshift wipe.

“This is the glamour of Hollywood don’t you know? Wiping your face with bog roll”Thankfully taking it, you offered Tom a thankful smile as he stepped back, giving you space as he leant against another cubicle pillar. Once you finished up blotting your face, Tom had already shrugged off his jacket walking toward you as he offered it out. Tilting your head to the side in a questioning manner Tom just shrugged, saying it’d help avoid the paparazzi just in case. In reality you weren’t so sure, but anyhow you still appreciated the gesture and draped it round your shoulders with a muttering of thanks. 

At this point his phone pinged, the car was outside, so without any words exchanged he led you to the door, checked the hallway was clearly before guided you back to the exit. There didn’t appear to be anybody lurking around, which you were oh so thankful for as you almost threw yourself in to the safety of the blacked out car. Tom followed and you both, almost comically as if scripted, released a sigh in unison as you melted into the seats. That had you chuckling dryly as you sat in silence. 

“You know we can’t move till you say where you’re staying?” Teasing you, Tom shot you that ever mischievous grin that made the blood rush through your skin. After you’d told the driver, the car pulled swiftly out the laibi.

“Did he…did he say something?” Tom’s demeanour had steeled up and you looked questioningly up at him. “Joe… you looked…close.”

“Oh”. You were taken aback. You should have seen this coming to be fair, him asking for the trigger this evening - and yet you were more shocked at his jealousy. How he looked pained to mention Joe by name. “Um no… well sort of…it was a joke. He didn’t mean it but it er…it took me back.” Tom knew your history, he knew what happened all those years ago and he nodded slowly , keeping his eyeline straight ahead. 

“He’s a dick.”

“No he’s not…. He- he was sweet enough . It was all me.”

“What?”

“I pushed myself on him. I-I saw you… I was spooked.” Tom left it to drift back to silence. He had a lot of thinking to do too. 

He’d obviously kept up to date with you. Call it a professional interest. That was the problem being in love with someone when you weren’t allowed to be. But it hurt like hell, especially when he heard what you were doing. Because he knew this wasn’t you. He knew you sleeping around wasn’t going to help you recover - in fact he thought (and quite correctly) it was the opposite. That long term it’d only cause you more and more pain. 

“You know, you don’t have to do this?… I-I know it isn’t you. I’m not insulting or anything I’m… I’m just worried.” You knew he was being truthful . And infuriatingly he was right. Which only made it even more annoying. 

“Why do you care though?” Looking out the window that was all you could think to say. That was your subconscious talking as you didn’t really want the answer. Or you desperately did but you knew it’d be hard to get over. 

“Y/n” He sighed, making you look across at him “I’ve not stopped caring… I’ll never stop caring.”

Wasn’t that just a knife to the heart. You held your breath momentarily, not knowing what to think (nervermind say) in response to that. Everything in that car seemed to freeze, Tom’s eyes piercing the deepest and darkest parts of your mind as he stared at you. You both really weren’t over it. You were both hurting. You missed each other.

And you were about to dive in all over again. 

But then the indicator ticked on. The car pulled to a stop. The ignition switched off by the driver. You were at your hotel. The journeys end - quite literally. 

Tom felt it too. He knew if ever there was a chance, however rogue and unlikely, of you two working things out it was within this journey. And he’d failed.

“I-uh…I-this is me” Stammering through, distracted by the way Tom’s eyes shone with disappointment. 

‘Yeh - yeh it is I guess.”

“Well er… thanks for, well you know… for saving me. You er-you really didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to”

“Yeh well er thanks…. And er-Oh! Your jacket” You realised, already tugging the tailored suit jacket from your shoulders. 

“No no it’s really okay. I have loads anyway.” See?In Hollywood you really weren’t allowed to wear the same thing twice. 

“Oh-okay. Well er….I’ll see you around I guess?”

“Can I walk you to your room, just to-check no one bothers you?” Tom was trying. Desperately trying. He could feel you slipping through his fingers again, this time he wanted to put up more of a fight. You shook your head thought, a sad smile gracing your lips. 

“I’d say yes but I think I know where that’d end up…. And I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Defeatedly nodding, Tom just smiled in a tight-lipped fashion, equally as sadly at you. 

“I’ll errr I’ll see you around.” While gathering yourself and preparing to exit the car, your hand on the door handle. Tom responded with a ‘yeh’ but before you left you leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek, before whispering under your breath..

“Thankyou Tom.”

part 2 ish of sorts --> link

[alreadyblondenow]

This is how you broke Jeno’s heart

Lee Jeno x reader //ANGST, smut, fluff?

Themes: college! au, strangers to friends???, popular Jeno, normal student reader, sad ending

Word count: 5k

Summary: He was your lover, and now he’s your professor. Lee Jeno is Valentines day, 2017. Lee Jeno is afternoon golden hour drive, windows open as you let the wind gush into your face. Lee Jeno is burgers during movies on theaters. Lee Jeno is the holy grail and you broke his heart. 

Warnings: mentions of other idols, pairing of other idols, swearing, car sex, protected sex,  rough sex, slight cheating, sad ending

A/N: I did this in one sitting so I understand if this is not loved. but anyway, this is inspired from true events. And fuck, I was actually getting teary eyed while writing this because I recently found out he’s going to be married so yeah. Enjoy reading another sad story about my love life! Oh I picked Jeno because he looked like Jeno :( 

SENIOR YEAR

Three terms before graduating college, finally. Today is the first day of senior year and you’re late for your 7:30am class because of your best friend who doesn’t care about punctuality plus the elevator is taking too long and you’re worried because it’s a class you don’t want to miss because it’s hard to pass. Or so you’ve heard.

“Gosh, first day and were late?” you whine as your best friend hands you a medium sized coffee as a sorry for being late and as thank you for waiting for her.

“Since when did we ever went to class on time? And look at us now, graduating in a few months with good ass portfolio’s” she took a sip from her coffee as you both walk towards the classroom, “I wonder who the professor is” she added but the moment you guys arrived the classroom there were no professor, just waiting students freezing under the high temperature air conditioning of the school.

You removed your jacket and prepared your things on the desk, checking through twitter while you wait for the professor to come and boom.  

“Good morning class, sorry I was late but no worries. If you come in late next time, I won’t care just to be fair. Please sign this attendance sheet, pass it around as I prepare for class”

You don’t know if he saw you but you’re sure he’s someone you know and you’re hands are shaking not because of the coffee, but because of the man right in front of the whole class.  Your best friend nudge you shoulder, clearly you’re thinking about the same thing. “Are you seeing this?” she whispered beside you, pretending to fix her jacket behind her chair.

“Fuck. I thought It’s just someone who has the same features as him”

Lee Jeno.

Lee Jeno is Valentines day, 2017. Lee Jeno is afternoon golden hour drive, windows open as you let the wind gush into your face. Lee Jeno is burgers during movies on theaters. Lee Jeno is the holy grail and you broke his heart.

Flashbacks kept on coming the whole class hour and it was so hard to concentrate and listen to him while he teaches. His eyes looked at you but you don’t know if he recognise the girl who broke his heart. Maybe the school offered him a job? Or this is a part time job? Dropping the subject was your last chance and only idea to avoid him but doing that can make you not graduate on time. Fuck, you whispered to yourself.

After the class, you hurry on putting your things to your bag but not quick enough to avoid Jeno’s presence. Your best friend left you on purpose because she knew Jeno will not let this opportunity pass and as someone who knew about your history, you two need to talk. Standing beside you with his hands inside his pocket, looking at you as you hurry out the room. “No ‘hi’ or ‘hello’” his face is as handsome as ever. There’s not a day goes by that you don’t regret hurting this amazing guy.

“See you on Thursday, Sir Lee” you smiled like an innocent student and left him on the empty classroom.

FRESHMAN YEAR

Your first year in college is about adapting, adjusting with the surroundings, finding yourself or finding a certain classroom for hours and hours because the school campus is still not familiar to you. College is so different to high school especially when it comes to lunch breaks. Your lunch break is two hour long before a 5 hour brain challenging class. Good thing you have your best friend who knows how to kill time in a fun way.

“I bet your life will change in two minutes, when Lee Jeno finally enter through that door”

“Lee who?” obviously you’ve never heard about that handsome senior your best friend is talking about.

“Jeno” unlike you, your best friend knew every popular student from the higher batch. “There he is. He’s fucking handsome, I can’t believe him”

At first you didn’t want to look back, you just want your best friend to enjoy her eye candy of a crush. The way her eyes turned to heart eyes is amusing alone and you’re satisfied with that. But you are curious. So you figured, why the hell not?

Jeno was sitting with his friends the moment you turned your head towards him. He was smiling and laughing at his friends while he sits so handsome holding his phone. You didn’t notice that you were looking hard and that your best friend is the one making fun of you this time. It’s true what she just said, Lee Jeno will change your life.

“So how popular are we talking about?” you turned your head towards your best friend with a big smile.

“Popular. Girls write love letters to him and put it inside his locker and guess what, those girls knew the combination of his lock. That means girls are crazy for him, literally. Not to mention he’s smart and friends with the other cuties in the campus. Oh! He has a car, and the greatest mystery of all time…” she leaned closer to you, “Jeno and his ex, are not in good terms. And after they broke up before their freshman year ended, he never went out with someone again, he stayed single until now”

“Wasting his good looks and handsome body, and for what? For the right one? Tsk. He’s handsome but stupid” but that doesn’t changed the fact that you actually like him.

Your first year in college turned around, up side down because of Lee Jeno. You fell for him. Hard. But even though you have great feelings for the man, you kept it to yourself. Theres no way you will leave love letters in his locker before he graduates, you’re satisfied that you get to see him during your long hour lunch break and watch him smile everyday.

And as life goes on and Freshman year is almost over, that means Jeno will soon graduate and it’s time to let go of your silly crush and find another one in school. You’re not stupid to cry over a guy you’ve never even had a conversation with, but you’re sad enough that you got teary eyed when you found Jeno’s usual seat in the cafeteria being taken by some random student.

It was the start of Sophomore year and you have different schedules with your best friend. That leaves you alone during your two hour long lunch break. No Jeno. No best friend. Just you and the school’s yummy pasta, alone in table in the middle of the cafeteria full of young bloods.

“Is this seat taken? Sorry everywhere else is full”

Your mouth was full of pasta and you can’t talk or lift your head to see who it is so to avoid humiliating yourself, you signalled, ‘it’s okay. Sure take the seat.’ When you finally chewed and swallowed your food, you almost choke yourself with your own spit because it’s Lee Jeno. Eating the same pasta as yours, in front of you.

“I usually sit with my friends during lunch breaks, but they’re all gone now. Graduated already. Hi, I’m Jeno by the way” he offered his hand for you to shake and smiled handsomely.

“Uh, y/n” you gladly accepted the handshake, but you manage to keep your calm and don’t freak him out. The last thing you want to happen is Lee Jeno thinking that you’re weird. “Aren’t you a Senior? I mean, you’re kind of popular, so I know”

“Yeah. But not everyone knows I have failed a few subjects so, that’s our secret” he held a ‘shh’ gesture and continue eating.

Who would’ve thought that him failing his subjects will draw him straight to your life. It’s not right to be happy that he didn’t get to graduate on time, but you’re glad it happened.

During your time eating with each other face to face, you talked about how silly the school is for giving their students hours and hours of lunch breaks only to torture them with a five hour class afterwards. He asked about your stay here in this college and why did you pick fine arts, you did the same. It was a talk that you never imagined having with Jeno and you’re having a great time. Until those two hours are finally done and you both have to go to your respective classes.

If Cinderella had her time with her prince at the ball, you had your time with your prince in the middle of the cafeteria during lunch. Just like Cinderella, you don’t know if this kind of moment will happen again in your life. It’s not as if you can just leave your shoe and let him find you again, you just left with a smile, thanked him for his time and he thanked you for the seat.

You didn’t know, but Jeno was actually sad and having a hard time. He was having a bad day and he misses his friends, cursing this popularity that he never asked. Now everyone in school will judge him for being a late graduate. On top of that, he’s not used to eating alone and he was pretty worried until he saw you with a vacant seat. He didn’t expect to enjoy your company but boy is he glad he met you today. It’s like meeting you brightened up his mood, now he has something to look forward to during lunch breaks.

On the next day, you don’t want to keep waiting and expect the same thing that happened yesterday happen again today. So you distracted yourself with a movie. And while you’re in deep concentration with the movie while you’re eating your cookies, you saw a hand get a piece and you put on an angry face because who dared doing such a rude-

“Oh Jeno…” you were like a statue when he placed his bag on the chair and brought out some books to work on something, his homework maybe?

“Sorry for the cookie, I’ll buy you another pack after we finish this and after I do this stupid homework” he turned to his books while eating the cookie on his hand.

We. The word made you smile and nod at him, not wanting to disturb him while he studies. You figured maybe comparing yourself with Cinderella was wrong because your prince didn’t need a shoe for him to come find you.

After that second interaction with Jeno… A third happened, fourth, fifth, and so on and so forth. He depended on your great company to save him from his own sadness and heavy thoughts because being an irregular student makes him lonely and whenever he remembers not graduating with his friends makes him sad plenty.

You two spend lunch breaks together everyday and talk about everything and anything under the sun, talking about each other’s interests, laughing loudly at each other’s jokes like you’ve been friends for years and years already. In other words, you and your college crush became good friends. Maybe if you’re not destined to be lovers, you two are bound to be good college friends.

“Hey do you want to go for a drive?” the question made your heart beat fast because it’s a drive with Jeno were talking about here. You do have one last class for the day but, no one will die if you miss it just this once.

“Sure” you smiled wildly to his offer and you two made your way to the school’s parking lot.

The drive was something you will never forget because you’re with Jeno. Simple as that. The sun hits his face perfectly while his eyes are fixed on the road and you feel the wind slapping your face because he’s driving a little too fast to make it exciting and fun. He went to a drive thru and bought burgers for the two of you and eat it inside the car in the middle of an empty parking lot somewhere.

To Jeno, that drive was the proof that he’s falling for you hard. But it’s also a proof that he’s scared of loosing you once you knew about his hidden feelings. He shrugged it off and focused to the way you ate your hamburger that makes him smile but when you ask for his hamburger because you’re still hungry, it makes him happy.  

That drive sparked something between you two. It’s obvious that he likes you and you’re not stupid to not see it, he’s just not saying it yet because maybe he’s waiting for the perfect time or assurance. No one knows.

As for you feelings, let’s just say you don’t know what you want. You’re still convinced that Jeno is destined to be a great friend and not as someone who’m you can love. But since he’s been your crush, your heart still beats for him.

“Did you know that a lot of girls are crazy about you? And that they can open your locker?”

Jeno let out a loud laugh that echoes inside his car, “I know about the locker, but that locker is not just mine. It’s Haechan’s, Mark’s and Renjun’s and mine. So every time theres a letter we don’t know how to feel about it”

“Oh my, good thing I never sent you one” you laughed to yourself too.

“So you’re one of those girls? You crazy about me too?” heat creeps around your body and suddenly you avoid his eyes, “You are…” he pretends to be shocked.

“Calm down, I used to be like those girls. Okay, you can stop teasing me” you shook your head on disbelief because this is not how you imagined telling Jeno that you used to have a crush on him.

“I think you’re cute and I’m not embarrassed to tell you that so you shouldn’t be embarrassed on admitting that you used to have a crush on me” to Jeno, that’s only half true. Because he doesn’t only think that you’re cute, he thinks you’re also beautiful and he likes you. Very much.

Since the day you two became incredibly close, you realised that you’re not romantically meant to be together. But you can see him fall for you each day that passes and you hate the timing of your lives even more each day for doing this to you and Jeno. It’s like fate was playing with your feelings.

As days go by, you notice Jeno is acting a little weird towards you. Little did you know, after that drive he confirmed to himself that he likes you and not just as friend. And because of that, he’s taking baby steps on turning your friendship into something more romantic.

Come Valentines day, you didn’t expect something special to happen this day because you’re single and no one in school is interested in you. But you’re wrong. Lee Jeno has something up his sleeve and he caught off guard. For the first time in your life someone gave you a Valentine card, a box of expensive chocolates, and a red rose. All that Valentines shit couples give out during this day.

And it made you crazy happy that Jeno actually thought he has a chance with you.  

“Wow. From Lee Jeno”  you read his Valentine card and blush like crazy in front of him at the school cafeteria. It did made you happy, for some time. For a moment you forgot that Jeno is a god, who gave you Valentine goodies in front of a lot of students who knew him. And that’s how people in school knew about you and Jeno. Rumours spread like wild fire, you started getting hate message all over social media from those crazy girls. Everyone thought you’re just that Sophomore friend of Jeno and they didn’t expect that Jeno will like you.

‘Find someone prettier’

‘Her vs. your ex… definitely your ex’

‘You deserve someone better’

All those hurtful words got the best of you and it made you small. But even though you got hurt, you figured they’re just jealous of you and you won’t let them ruin your friendship with Jeno.  

Given the fact that he’s being confident with showing his feelings for you, and to be fair and to be completely nice, you just let him do his thing without hurting his feelings. If he wants to text you good morning messages and send you subtle but sweet phrases, you let him. If he wants to sit beside you during lunch breaks and not on his usual seat across you, so be it. If he insist on waiting for you after class and drive you home, you accept it. These are the things that you imagine him doing to you during freshman year but now that it’s actually happening, you feel weird about it.

Finally he asked you out on a date. Which you turned down because you have school stuff to finish and he completely understands it. And then he asked you out again, and you had to turn him down again. Because you really don’t want to go on a date with him.

“I think I’m doing something wrong?” he drinks his fourth bottle of beer while his friends listens to everything he says. Seeing the Lee Jeno so broken and frustrated like this is new to them. Turns out, you’re the only girl he’s interested with after being single for almost four years.

“Give her time that’s my say, maybe you’re intimidating her at some point and she’s not into popular guys” Mark pats Jeno’s shoulder and clinks his bottle of beer with Jeno’s.

“Any word from her best friend?” Jeno asks, and Mark shook his head none. Your best friend and Mark Lee have been dating for some time now and that officially put both of your names into the hall of fame. And a possible target of the crazy girls who are head over heels for Jeno and Mark.

Jeno didn’t understand why. It’s not that he’s so full of himself that he’s so confident that he can win you with his charms, but theres something different about you that even though it’s obvious that you only love him as a friend, he kept on pushing and pushing. And he wanted to do it until he can finally call you his.

Now that Jeno is busy being an intern outside school, you no longer see each other everyday and talk to each other like how you usually do. That’s how you met Hendery. Unlike you and Jeno who started off being friends, you and Hendery started off being sweethearts. And maybe that’s what went wrong between you and Jeno because you completely remember that you still have feelings for him the moment he ate one of your cookie, then your feelings slowly fade away each day you two meet.

You told Jeno all about Hendery through one of your calls before going to sleep simply because you don’t want him to find out from other people. “He’s a great guy, we went on a date yesterday after school”

“Two weeks with this guy and he can get you on a date? Wow” Jeno is broken, “I’m with you for over six months already and I asked you to go on a date with me twice…. you never said yes” the hurt from his voice is obvious and your heart is breaking because you didn’t mean to hurt him, you just wanted to be honest.

After that call, you and Jeno did not talked to each other. You wanted so bad to talk to him but you’re scared that he’ll get the wrong memo and that he will think that he still stand a chance. So yet let him be and you let him come to you and you focus on Hendery.

A few weeks after, you saw a picture of Yeeun and Jeno on one of his social media accounts having a romantic date somewhere. Complete with wine and candles. You’re jealous and theres no way you can cover it up.

“Is this some kind of joke?” you exclaimed over the phone to your best friend, mad and angry about what you just saw.

“He’s moving on give him a break. Besides I thought you don’t have feelings for him?”

“I don’t I’m just… offended because he’s completely doing this on purpose because of Hendery which is so childish! Oh my g- I can’t… ugh!” you continue to shout and scream over the phone but your best friend is in the middle of having sex with Mark so you can’t talk to her well.

Being jealous is a proof that you have feelings for him still. And you can’t give in to that because going back to Jeno will hurt Hendery, so you have to be smart and weigh things over. If Jeno ask you out on a date for the last time before being official with Hendery, you will give him a chance. But if not, that will be the end of it.

As days go by, Hendery has been going full out on showing how much he likes you and you come to the realization that you actually love Hendery already. Jeno on the other hand, haven’t talked to you since then, no hi or hello. And the thought of Jeno is the only thing that’s stopping you from making it official with Hendery. Of course you feel bad, it feels like you’re cheating on him. And to be completely honest, you’re growing tired of this push and pull with Jeno.

You were eating your favorite pasta alone while you catch up with some readings for your last class for the day when a fine young man sat in front of you. “Did you just saved me a seat?” one glance of his perfect smile made your anger vanished out of thin air.

“Yeah I kept it empty until you come back” you were happy to see him, it feels like those days when everything was still okay between you and him. No drama just you and Jeno and your own little world.

“Want to go for a drive?” he raised his eyebrows twice, luring you to miss another class for a drive with him. And because you miss him so bad, the next thing you know you’re watching a scary movie with burgers on your hands sitting closely with each other. His warmth is enough to make you feel safe and not scared with the movie and when the burgers are all finished, your hands are intertwined unconsciously.

You were both quiet when you got back to his car because of the movie you just watched. Both too scared and weirded out with how the story ended. “At least they died together”

“Yeah” you agreed immediately but you two stayed quiet.

“Did you know that you were holding my hand?”

You snap your head and looked at him, shy to answer what he asked you but theres no escape and you can’t make an excuse. “Yeah, sorry about tha-“

He’s quick to to grab your hand and hold it firmly you feel like your bones are starting to crush. It hurts but there’s no words coming out from your mouth. He made you face him with his free hand and leaned towards your face to kiss you. Just a peck as if he’s testing waters.

Then you kissed him back. And the kiss became heated that he pulled you close to him and invited you to sit on his lap, legs on the driver’s seat, his arms around your waist and yours is looking for something you can grasp because his kisses are intense.

“Why can’t you love me? Huh?” you see the hurt in his eyes when you peek in between kisses and you felt guilty. Tears run down to his face but you don’t know if it’s tears of joy or out of sadness.

“Jeno, please stop crying” you beg, breathing hard and gasping. But he never stopped.

“Say you love me” his hug against your waist tightens more as if he never wanted you leave his car, “say you love me, please” he sobs.

His begging made you do it, “I love you. Please stop crying, you don’t deserve this”

Hearing those words made him relax and loosen up his crushing embrace. His hand creeps to the hem of your shirt, playing with your tummy tickling it because he knows you’re ticklish. That changed the mood, he undid your pants and made some space so you can remove it easily. He did the same thing with his pants and boxer briefs and reached for the console to get a condom which he quickly rolled to his cock before you get back on top of him.

He motions you back close to him and put a little spit on his fingers before playing with your slit, checking if you’re ready to be fucked. “You’re not a virgin right? I don’t have to be careful anymore” he asked with ragged breath, obviously excited for what’s going to happen.

“Be gentle, still. It’s been so long since my last” you positioned your legs in between him, letting his cock tease your cunt and spread your juices more.

“Wheres the fun on being gentle? But don’t worry, I love you too much I wont let you get hurt”

You slowly sink down on him feeling his thick and veiny cock and rolled your hips slightly to help you adjust more and so you can have rough sex,  just how wants. “Ah- Jen if I roll my hips longer I will cum” he chuckled and took over, thrusting hard upwards your cunt. One hard thrust at a time, you feel your head bump on top of the car roof your hands push on the windows for support. Then his thrusts became faster putting you two on edge in no time.  You were moaning and letting out sharp breaths in between curses so he pulled your face closer to him and kissed you while he fucks you to your orgasm and while he catches his own.

The car smelled like sex and you were both too weak to move after cumming. It started raining hard and you feel awfully comfortable sitting on Jeno’s lap. “Just so you know, I didn’t planned for this to happen”

“I know” with all your strength you made yourself presentable again and went back to your seat and waited for Jeno to drive you home.

The rain was making you feel more sad and guilty, swimming with your thoughts while thinking about Hendery. That’s why you didn’t hear Jeno ask you is you if you were cold he needed to reach for your hand while he was driving under the strong rain and flinch because of his cold hands.

“Sorry, what” you crossed your arms so he can’t reach for your hand again. Your mind is full of Hendery and you and can’t tell him that.

Jeno on the other hand knew something is wrong that you feel guilty or mad because of the sex. But he wants to be selfish just this once to prove to you that he loves you and this is the only way. “Nothing, I asked if you were cold”

Sex never felt so wrong.

When you came home you took a shower and cried for hours, avoiding Jeno’s calls and messages because you feel bad about what happened. You don’t know what to do but you can’t tell Hendery what happened, so you did something to ease the guilt that you’re feeling. You finally made it official with Hendery, your heart broke even more when you heard him so happy through the phone because that only means he loves you too much.

Then there’s you. Having sex with a friend who’m you used to have a big crush with.

You avoided Jeno with all your power until he gets the message that you feel bad about what happened between the two of you. Until the day the that you’re ready to face him again, you will not talk to him.  

And that’s how you broke Lee Jeno’s heart.

SENIOR YEAR

What happened between you and Jeno flashbacks like a movie in your head during lunch break and you can’t believe that you can feel his presence around the campus even though you can’t see him.  

It’s been seven ugly months when you and Hendery broke up and you have to admit that it still hurt like hell. Cheating motherfucker didn’t deserve you. The regret of choosing Hendery over Jeno haunted you everyday but you didn’t expect that Jeno will literally comeback barging into your life again.

Maybe this time life will give you a shot at the love you deserve. And Jeno is the answer to that. But it’s been years since the last time you talked and that was the night you two had sex in his car. What you did to him was unforgivable and you feel bad, you feel like you used him but you didn’t mean it if that makes sense.

“Mark is here, you sure you don’t need a ride?” your best friend brought you back to reality while you were swimming in thoughts. You didn’t even notice it was raining hard already.

“I’ll be fine. I can just call an Uber, tell Mark to drive safe okay?” she hugged you and went towards Mark’s waiting car outside the school lobby. You were just about to book an Uber when someone tapped you on your shoulder.

“Come on I’ll drive you home. Just like old times”

“You do know that a student-teacher relationship is jail time right? This is not old times Jeno. You’re a teacher, a professor rather. And I’m still obviously a student” you turned your back on him and continued fidgeting on your phone.

“And I’m being a responsible adult, who’s offering help to a student that’s obviously in need because your phone just died on you” he smirked.  

“Fine wheres your car” you said, accepting defeat.

“Right this way please” he ushered you to the elevator to go to the basement parking.

While walking to his car, you didn’t expect him to still have the car. The car where you two had sex. And that is the main reason why you didn’t want him to drive you home.

The rain caused a heavy traffic and it made you feel more suffocated inside Jeno’s car. You cross your arms because you were freezing, clinging to your thin sweater for more heat.

“Don’t worry, I won’t touch you. Please relax, you’re breaking my heart”

Your head swing towards him and you gave him a look. A look that’s telling him you’re angry and how dare him to mention your past. It was so hard not to talk back because it can end up as a fight so you kept what you’re feeling to yourself.

“You make me feel like I’m a bad person when all I ever cared about is you and loving you” he added.

“Please Jeno, don’t do this now” you beg, closing your eyes and turning your back against him looking at the cars outside.

“After that night you made me feel like I’m a rapist or something. I’m sorry that it’s not what you want to do that time, I’m sorry that I begged, Im so-“

“I forgive you. And you don’t have to say sorry because I was the one who hurt you Jeno. Not the other way around, so please understand how hard it it for me to sit with you in this car. To make you feel better I regret not choosing you. There! I said it. Now please shut up”

The ride became quiet, awkward and cold so you decided to sleep if off. When you woke up from your nap, you and Jeno are in front of your house already and he’s waiting for you to wake up. His jacket is on your lap cover your freezing legs and he even turned off the air conditioning so you won’t shiver. It was a kind gesture you admit, and he’s still Lee Jeno who cared for you. Your friend. Even though you hurt him so many times and that makes you a heartless person still, you care for him. “Thank you. And I’m sorry about earlier”

“I’m getting married” he finally blurted out.

You didn’t know. You didn’t even know that he was seeing someone “And… I’m happy for you…” what he said got you speechless and you felt your heart broke even more.

“But I recently found out through Mark that you and Hendery are over… And I started to have seconds thoughts Y/n”

MAIN MASTERLIST

Story time

Is it wrong to admit that everything inside this fic happened to me in real life? hahahaha Except to the part where he’s having second thoughts. 

So yeah the story goes like that I picked someone new over my crush who’m I became good friends with and that is that. hahahaha I recently found out that he’s getting married to girl, after me. And I couldn’t help but think that WHAT IF I chose him, it could have been my wedding. :((((((((((((( oh and yeah. he looked like Jeno.