#literally so true I have never and will never get over this

[novelconcepts]

I Saw the TV Glow is such a uniquely, devastatingly queer story. Two queer kids trapped in suburbia. Both of them sensing something isn’t quite right with their lives. Both of them knowing that wrongness could kill them. One of them getting out, trying on new names, new places, new ways of being. Trying to claw her way to fully understanding herself, trying to grasp the true reality of her existence. Succeeding. Going back to help the other, to try so desperately to rescue an old friend, to show the path forward. Being called crazy. Because, to someone who hasn’t gotten out, even trying seems crazy. Feels crazy. Looks, on the surface, like dying.

And to have that other queer kid be so terrified of the internal revolution that is accepting himself that he inadvertently stays buried. Stays in a situation that will suffocate him. Choke the life out of him. Choke the joy out of him. Have him so terrified of possibly being crazy that he, instead, lives with a repression so extreme, it quite literally is killing him. And still, still, he apologizes for it. Apologizes over and over and over, to people who don’t see him. Who never have. Who never will. Because it’s better than being crazy. Because it’s safer than digging his way out. Killing the image everyone sees to rise again as something free and true and authentic. My god. My god, this movie. It shattered me.

[ohnoitstbskyen]

Do you think Riot will make more seasons of Arcane in different regions post-s2, make more shows with different names that are set in the Arcane universe, or secret third option?

Yes and no.

To start with, yes: Arcane has been by far Riot's most mainstream successful media project ever (even outstripping K/DA), and there is literally no way in hell that the company isn't going to want to keep milking it until it is as dry, stale and withered as the PROJECT skin line.

So I predict that, absolutely, we will see new seasons of shows set in the League of Legends universe, probably animated, and hopefully with some of the extremely good animation partners Riot has managed to cultivate over the years.

The ARCANE branding is incredibly valuable now, and I wouldn't put it past Riot to do something stupid like name a show set in the Freljord ARCANE: True Ice or something unbearably stupid like that, even though the name relates extremely specifically to the setting and story of Piltover/Zaun and the Vi/Powder/Viktor/Jayce character group.

On the other hand, Riot might be the company on earth I trust the absolute least to effectively capitalize on and carry forward a success in creative arts that can't be monetized with skins and event passes.

Riot has an absolutely astounding history of tripping on their dicks when it comes to telling stories about their characters, in no small part due to its leadership quite simply never valuing storytelling as an end in itself. If it doesn't sell cosmetics or drive Engagement™ with the core League of Legends product, good luck getting Riot management to spend a fucking dime to make anything real.

Passionate people inside the company have to go to war, every single time, to make anything good happen. Legends of Bilgewater, the Spirit Blossom visual novel, the Marvel comics collaboration (RIP), Riot Forge, and very much Arcane, were absolute passion projects pushed over the line by people who literally put their jobs (and in many cases their health) on the line to make them happen.

Alex Yee and Christian Linke are old hands at Riot with a lot of clout, a lot of friends at the company, and a lot of goodwill to cash in, and if that hadn't been the case, there is literally no way in hell anything like Arcane ever gets made.

The behind-the-scenes documentary Riot themselves produced obviously goes out of its way to let Riot leadership suck themselves off about how much they contributed and how much they believed in the project, but make no mistake, they would have axed Arcane on the spot if there wasn't creatives fighting pitched battles every other day to keep it alive.

This is true of K/DA as well, by the way, there was a lot of internal resistance at Riot to that project - and to Star Guardians, and to Heartsteel. Anything cool Riot has ever made? Just assume that someone internally was shitting on it in meetings and trying to get it shut down.

Which is why I am intensely worried about Arcane in the long term. Not so much about Season 2, since it is mostly being produced by the same group of people, as far as I know, but that project is also going to be absolutely besieged by C-suite jackoffs trying to worm their names into the credits, making themselves Stakeholders™ and offering Feedback™ and voicing Concerns™, and I don't envy the showrunners the battles they are going to have to fight to keep these vultures away from the product.

But I am fucking worried about whatever Season 3 becomes. I am fucking worried about what happens the moment any of the key creatives behind the first two seasons resign, or get headhunted to new jobs. I am worried what's going to happen when Riot decides that the showrunners are "being difficult" and standing in the way of what leadership wants to do with the now very valuable ARCANE branding, and either corporately mandates them into roles of diminished influence or just outright fucking fires them (it'll be publicized as a mutual decision of course, it'll be publicized as a much celebrated retirement or "it's time to move on to new adventures").

Riot is a company with absolutely infinite capacity to fuck up a perfectly good thing for absolutely no fucking reason except some kombucha-chugging, suit-jacket-over-a-graphic-tee-and-sneakers-wearing, keeps-his-job-despite-multiple-sexual-harassment-allegations-because-he's-bros-with-the-C-suite, motherfucking "I am a player so I know what the players want" platitude-spouting "themes are for book reports"-ass Silicon Valley libertarian piece of shit decided he knows better than the artists whose work are the reason he takes home six figures a year.

[edelgarfield]

the soft tender way essek talks abt caleb like.

campaign 2 episode 90

when jester asks him about himself he takes a pause, seems to contemplate what to say, before shaking his head and answering:

There's a waver to his voice before he seems to harden and his facial expressions are very dismissive and a bit sarcastic.

The episode ends shortly after this, and at the start of the next one is when Essek comes over for dinner. So IMO this moment Essek is debating whether to open up to M9, initially brushes them off, then thinks about it & changes his mind.

episode 91 we have this exchange:

he doesn't elaborate. he's completely flat & unemotional. he changes the subject by asking to sit as soon as he can.

yasha asks abt him and he does the same thing

noteably there's a long pause after ashley's question, at which point sam & travis chime in where essek's eyes are literally darting around and he's clearly uncomfortable, and that's when caduceus interrupts.

deep breath, nervous chuckle, crosses his arms and looks down before answering

jester asks why he changed his mind

he's making eye contact during this part, casual, & expressing mild frustration but still calm

there's a pause between this line & the next where he looks down and does this:

at this part he doesn't make eye contact until halfway through and only maintains it for a few seconds as a time

deep breath, does this again:

then looks up and says as quickly as possible:

head bowed, speaks into his lap

another pause, a look of clear confusion on his face before shaking his head

after caleb gives him a dunamancy potion in repayment for his help:

same hands folded head bowed posture as before

the whole conversation, he DOES NOT offer up information without being asked directly, usually multiple times. he deflects by talking abt his position, and whenever he decides to be vulnerable or reference the actual reasons for his visit (his loneliness & feelings of kinship) he looks away & braces himself. imo any time he admits to his loneliness his posture reads "ashamed." particularly when jester asks if he lives alone; i don't see a reason for him to look down & hunch his shoulders if he didn't feel like he was admitting to some personal failure (either bc he lives alone, or bc it shouldn't bother him as much as it does). there's also, of course, his newfound guilt at having betrayed m9 and being unable to walk it back.

compare that with cr3; while in the smut shop he deflects BH's attempts to learn about him, but that night he not only answers their questions without resistance but actively offers up more information.

he tells them abt his connections to ludinus, he tells them he's partially responsible for the current state of the world despite having every reason not to, he tells them abt his friends & his partner. he admits to his past faults openly & with little hesitation. he breaks eye contact briefly when talking abt ludinus etc. but never for long, and never in the same way, shoulders hunched, head down, hiding behind his hands.

the only time he seems to experience anything resembling shame or embarrassment is when he gets flustered admitting to wanting to message his partner before he sleeps.

i didn't mean to go through every single part of cr2ep91 where m9 ask about essek's personal life, but i did bc it was fascinating. when essek spoke to m9, he very much does not want to talk abt himself. the few things he does share say that he's very solitary & the few relationships he mentions are not close. any time he feels pressed to admit his true feelings, he feels ashamed and struggles to do so.

i imagine to essek in cr2ep91, he couldn't even imagine having a partner that he'd want to speak abt the way he speaks abt caleb. the idea of a version of him who has a life he wants to talk abt and share is absurd. but in cr3, for all his faults & mistakes he's made, he does, he wants to talk abt his partner & friends & the things he's learned. he has a life he wants to share bc it brings him joy.

[jakesangel]

sitting on jakes lap ><

sitting in jake's lap would happens quite often. doing any activity, in front of the members, in his dorm, outside, literally anywhere and anytime. facing him or not he loves feeling ur weight on his legs.

tho jake would be shy at first, he didn't know how to ask you to sit on his lap without making things weird or making you think of him in a way that he isn't. so when u got comfortable by simply putting ur legs on his legs on a movie night, he felt like his dream came true. he would obviously put his hands on ur legs n draw patterns lovingly. he would love it even more if u wear skirts cause first that means ure really comfortable w him, two, your skin is so so soft to him n he wants to feel your warmth.

one night full of giggles and kisses, you tried doing your makeup on jake face. he also knew what it meant, having a chance to have you close to him. so he would purposely have weird posture to make it harder for you, make silly faces or even not keeping his hands to him. even if u are holding his face in one hand and doing his makeup w the other, the task is munch more complicated w him teasing you. so there you are, your thighs over his, his hands on your waist and jake, finally, is having you on his lap. his pretty baby, right in front of his face. and furthermore focused on his. he truly thinks he is in the seventh sky. he wants to kiss you and hug you closer to his body but he knows he's been a pain in the ass to get what he wants, so this time, he stays still and fully take in the moment. you, on the other hand, don't understand why jakes eyes are finally closed n why he is suddenly pliant for you to apply ur eyeshadow. you also don't understand why he just just smiling or sighing in contentment.

after this, he would never let you sit anywhere else but his lap. you need to do your makeup ? he is right there to be your seat. need to do your homework ? lemme him see your physics homework, he'll do them. you want to watch tv ? he would even prepare the plaid and the snacks.

he wouldn't mind having you on his lap in front the members either. the first time, you got shy but the members know how physical jake can gets. almost thanking you for being his physically-touch-giver instead of them. so it didn't bother them nor him. he would even get offended seeing you sit next to him, and not on him, giving you confused puppy eyes. but jakes gets what he wants so he will (ᵎᵎ) move you in front of them, making you flustered. my shy baby, don't you worry about them, they're so jealous of me having this pretty girl on my lap, he would whisper to your ear, making your blush red-er.

when he feels 'loving' and/or clingy, he would always tell you soft words with loving touch. he would kiss your temple if you aren't facing him, his hands drawing heart on your thighs. if your facing him, he would hum, your arms around his neck, him taking in your hair scent. i love having you this close, baby. it's when i feel the safest, he would say hugging you closer to his. you smell so good for me, my pretty princess, he adds his eyes closing. or he would just convey his words w a kiss. a long a deep one, one arm around ur figure the other guiding ur face to his, his hand softly holding your chin.

notes : none ><

@imaluckygirl @luvj4key @heeseungswifefr @goldenretrieverjakezgirlbaby @jaeyunpinkyring

[canthelpit0]

Skinny

Pairing: bf!Chris sturniolo x Reader

Wordcount: 700

Summary: you talk to your boyfriend about the internet (literally just the song skinny, by Billie Eilish)

Warnings: really short, angst(?), body image, the internet, hurt/comfort (?), direct quotes, idfk

(Litterally wrote this during a 1h car trip, so it’s rlly short. I was listening to the song while writing this. Hope you guys like it tho <3)

I recently met the triplets in LA. We quickly became friends, but I always felt drawn to Chris the most.

Sure they’re all considerably hot, but there was just something about Chris that made me feel something..

Turns out I wasn’t the only one that felt it, and soon enough Chris confessed to me. Wich meant a lot, considering he has commitment issues, but he was willing to commit… for me?

We dated for a while until I realized,

I fell in love for the first time.

I may only be 20, but those 20 years felt so eternally long. Chris was everything I’d been waiting for all my life, being the hopeless romantic.

I started to go to the gym more often, and eat healthier. Not for any other reason then, I was happy.

I also started to notice that Chris’ Pepsi habits got better, and he started to eat healthier as well.

We were talking one day, both of us sitting on opposite sides of Chris’ bed.

“People say I look happy, just because I got skinny.” I sigh.

The only reason why I look happier is because I have a working healthy relationship, because I’m in love. Not because my body changed.

Chris tilts his head to the side his eyes slightly furrowed as if asking me if I’m serious.

But the ‘old’ me was still me. Maybe even the real me, my actual personality when I’m on my own, And I think she is pretty.

I never really had body image issues. I never struggled with eating.

I got famous pretty young, like 17 or so. And back then I was a kid, of corse I liked to eat. I wasn’t even that big really. I was just a kid, I didn’t care about it too much.

I’m not magically happier than I was before. I still cry.

“People say I’m acting my age now.” I sigh. “Am I already on the way out, am I ‘falling off’?”

Chris tilts his head not saying anything just trying to process my words. As if my words are outlandish to him.

“I feel like a bird in a cage, you know. With all these expectations and rumors.” I sigh softly. All these things have been bugging me for a while.

“I’m sorry.” He looks at me with not pitty but understanding. “You were my secret,” when we started dating we hadn’t told the internet. “- and I didn’t get to keep it”

But like couples do we would go out on dates. With both of us being touchy people, PDA was big. But a random fan took a picture of us kissing and it spread like wildfire.

I sigh heavily at the memories. How betrayed I had felt by those so called fans looking into my business.

“The internet is hungry for the meanest kind of funny, and somebody’s gotta feed it.” I purse my lips closing my eyes briefly.

“I suppose that’s true” Chris breaths out his eyes locked on mine.

“People really think suddenly all my problems are gone and I’m all happy, not because I’m in a healthy and stable relationship but because i got skinny.” I huff working myself up, and getting angrier and angrier at something that seems like nothing.

“Do you still cry?” I ask rhetorically, my previous breathy and small voice now loud and clear. “I mean I do.” I reply to my own question.

I look at my boyfriend and the way he looks back at me with such understanding.

We look at each other in silence. “I love you. And I’ve loved you for so long. And that’s not going to change.”

Chris says firmly a small gentle smile forming on his lips. Chris opens his arms waiting for me to come to him.

I’m not upset per se, it’s just annoying seeing people comment on my body and happiness and whatnot. It’s none of their business.

I’m a content creator. I didn’t ask for them to criticize me.

I sit up shuffling over to Chris. I let myself fall into his embrace.

But in Chris’, the love of my life’s arms, like this, it doesn’t matter anyway.

Masterlist

A/N: hope you guys like this style of writing. If h goys want to be on the taglist comment. Asks & requests are open 💕

‼️please don’t copy my work/idea‼️

Taglist: @muwapsturniolo , @sturnad , @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 , @evie-sturns , @me09love , @fratbrochrisgf , @spideylovin , @chrissgirlsstuff , @stunza , @whicked-hazlatwhore , @sturniooolos , @ecliphttlunar , @orangeypepsi , @klaus223492 , @char112244 , @sst7niolo , @slut4chriss , @mattsturniololoverr , @th3-3d3n-g4rd3n , @st7rnioioss , @t1llysblogs , @nonat-111 , @blahbel668 , @rockstarchr1s , @sturnsintrouble , @nayveetbhh , @tillies33ssss , @sturncakez , @strnilo , @somegirlfromasgard , @mattslovelygf , @sturnsmaeve , @sturnstvr , @lucianastrun , @jnkvivi , @jamiesturniolo , @chr1sgirl4life , @h3arts4harry , @whosthislyssbitch , @jamiesturniolo , @sturniololover-09 , @zayyluvz , @sturnzsblog

[kiirotoao]

HEYYYY HANA! It's me olive/livy/ hey you/ that one person that always joins your lives I had a recent interaction with a more toxic mileven shipper but they said something that really did make me think so I want your thoughts in their words they said "mileven has been cannon for 8 years now why would they end it all at once" they had said this in the middle of a debate and it really got my thinking like would the duffers really end a relationship that has been built on for 8 years for byler? Plz lemme know what you think

OMG HI YOU 🤭 I’d be delighted to give my two cents, thanks for coming to me, Olive!!

Ah, yes. The age old argument of ‘why would the Duffers break up Mleven after building them up all this time?’ To which I say - what build up does one truly speak of? Yes, they’ve been canon romantic from season 1 since that kiss, technically, but their relationship only became truly canon since season 3. And yes, the show has been in production for about 8 years, but the show spans only about 3 years (1983-1986). Even then, to say that Mleven has been canon for that long just isn’t true. In total, they’ve only spent about 6 months together physically in canon (the fall, spring, and, summer of 1985 just before season 3 starts), and 6 months together long-distance (the summer, fall, and spring of 1986).

Point is, they’ve not been together as long as it seems. They’ve expressed interest from the start, but even then, on El’s side, it’s pretty debatable to me.

Take this scene where El literally asks Mike, “will you be like my brother?” I think I can just leave that there as it is.

Now, I do understand the notion that they’ve been in writing for 8 years. But guess who else have been? Mike and Will. Their relationship is just as if not more important to each other’s growths as characters, especially in season 4.

If you’re looking for canon relationships, look no further than Mike and Will’s friendship. If you need to see clear pictures of encouragement, understanding, and amendment, look no further than everything they’ve done for each other over the years.

All in all, I believe that just because you aren’t directly in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean that the current chemistry is void and only counts when you do get together.

Byler have chemistry, that’s why I think that they could easily get together. And by contrast, Mleven don’t. Throughout the seasons that Mike and El have been together, it’s been a struggle for them to connect. Whenever they do, it’s shallow. Take the reunion in season 4 - El is lying to Mike about being friends with Angela, and Mike is lying to El through his split focus on Will (when he complains about Will “rolling [his] eyes,” “moping,” “basically [sabotaging] the whole day”).

Mike is clearly affectionate to El, but he consistently dotes on her looks and never her character beyond her powers. El is clearly affectionate to Mike, too, but it’s clear to me that any time she reaches out to Mike, wrote to him, tried to talk to him in the void, anything, he just couldn’t seem to reach her in return.

Meanwhile, we have Byler promising to go “crazy together.” They sit and listen to each other. Meeting Will is “the best thing that [Mike has] ever done.” Mike thereafter in that scene talks about Will’s persistence. And we know that Will thinks of Mike as a leader, “guiding, inspiring.” Not only are they affectionate to each other, they’re comfortable expressing themselves around each other, highlighting each other’s positive traits, encouraging, supporting, connecting.

Need some people be reminded that filmwork is essential to TV, and so canonically Mike and Will also have many moments together. It’s not like their relationship isn’t known to us in canon (let alone blocked very specifically, too!).

So yeah, to that statement of “Mleven has been canon for 8 years now” so “why would they end it all at once” I say: it’s only been two years maximum in canon, and they’ve been founded on a deteriorating relationship with another much stronger one right in our faces, so no, yeah, Byler is very possible and wouldn’t be sudden in the slightest.

[angel-derangement]

season four sam is like such a evangelical religious nutcase to me in how he’s thinking. He’s like yeah god and the devil and angels are all real, duh. I do not care at all about the implications. There’s a natural order to the universe anyway and yeah people die womp womp but I have a special secret journey and I have a special power and im gonna save the world and I’ll do anything to get there and I am so convinced of this that I’ll hurt whoever I need to because I have this one guiding person to follow. And we’ve got the answer. And you can’t stop me you weak little faithless wimp of my brother. Oh but I love you soooo much I prommy. do not ask about if my actions reflect that. This is so incredible to me personally that they did this to him because a) 100% an accident, I think they weren’t constructing him to be a blind follower but the “voice of reason led astray” b) he has demon blood literally coursing through him so why would he be the one to represent christianity c) isn’t dean the one associated with the angels?? But no. That is not how Evangelical Christians work. They require an Enemy that Can Be Defeated By Measures in order to construct their entire worldview and they don’t put angels or God in the place of Hero Facing The Enemy, they put themselves there and do anything to structure that power to their advantage and never ever question it deeply no matter what you say. Dean meanwhile is questioning every single thing that every single person is doing, whether they say they’re good or bad, and he has serious issues with the choices both sides are making. And then he leads an angel into losing his faith while sam gets his faith fully betrayed. Anyway. If I think about this too much I go crazy. They’re all deconstructing in a way over the course of seasons 4 & 5. Sam is like a fundamentalist whose beliefs finally bit himself in his own ass. Dean is someone who grew up questioning it and so never got invested and can’t believe everyone else is getting sucked in. Cas…. Well Cas wants so badly for it to be true, and is forced over and over again into proclaiming his allegiance to the line, but ultimately has to give in to the slow crawl of doubt that leads to the demise of who you once were and who you thought you’d be, just because it turned out to be rotted the whole way through when you looked too closely. Don’t get me started on Cas.

[starfxkr]

in regards to your post about disgust between jj nd kitten & tp!jj nd tp!reader… oh moony youve bewitched me again!!!!! i love nd could go on about how far jj’s depravedness is nd how much it gives kitten the ick foreverr… (as im someone who isnt necessarily germaphobic, i just need to be clean nd hate gross people) yet theres still a raw nd unbridled attraction to his vulgarity, nd trust he’ll make you tap into whatever unsavory ideas youve kept secret due to embarrassment which i think is so appealing :3 sure, he definitely does give off “bad boy” vibes, but thats so surface level to his character nd its so much more than that (this is where that bully conversation comes in) hes just your mutt of a boyfriend nd its so hot!

as for tp!jj… you make him into such a hard pill to swallow (which he is!) i wouldnt call it the sense of impending doom, but you really have to know what youre getting yourself into with him (which is already known around the park). like you said, different lines are being crossed constantly nd unbeknownst to you (until a certain point) theres been so much damage done to you emotionally, mentally, nd most importantly your psyche! his hot & cold nd push & pull attitude nd the random switch to the paternal like instinct he has over you is whats really jarring! you tell yourself its all in the name of love when tbf, youre not sure if youre looking for a father who loves his daughter or a lover who loves their partner. but whatever to fill that void, shes such a mess </3 nd its all his fault

— 🦢

see see u get it. with jj and kitten they've seen such nasty, depraved, mean parts of each other and he truly sickens her. like even beyond him being gross physically she also finds his personality to be kinda horrid! he's petty, and selfish, and reckless, and greedy and he's so so so angry. but for the most part he keeps a lid on it, all the girls who've hooked up with him or also had a situationship with him just view him as this generic bad boy from deep in the cut but like. kitten knows better. so she pokes and prods at him like a festering wound because she hates the facade, she hates how he lies to himself and other people. this is a girl who sure she seems mysterious but she's not, she lays it all out but it makes people uncomfortable so they ignore it. she tells gross stories of being a compulsive masturbator as a child to make people uncomfortable and the only person who laughs is jj. truly deep down she's kind of his ID which says a lot because he's already pure ID. he's gross, he smears cum on your face, he's mean, and he's a literal anal fiend. jj can only be his true self around her because she won't lie to his face and tell him it's okay or tell him it doesn't bother her, she's upfront with how much he makes her sick and yet she loves him because of it, not in spite of.

tp!jj...i fear i can not solely give yall the sexy forbidden age gap that most people would expect because that's just not fun. there's nothing to chew on. because everyone knows jj's no good, but he normally relegates that to women his age or just a few years younger not a whole 21, not one he used to buy water guns for when she was a kid. he remembers when your mom got knocked up (because she was 15 when he was a whole 21 like. come on there's layers here), he knows your dad fucked off because he was also a 15 yr old, he's seen you wandering around the trailer park as young as 13 looking for someone to let you stay the night because your mom locked you out. it's as clear as day how neglected you are and how you're starving for any kind of love and affection, and the thing is jj feels no real qualms about the age gap. that he doesn't care about. but there's this internal battle of whether to be your father or your lover so he kinda says fuck it and does both. but he's never quite had a good example of what a father is so even then he's emotionally distant and does the bare minimum of a roof over your head and food in your belly, but all the older men you've been with never even gave you that. you think he's in love with you (he will be, just not yet). you're constantly crying and telling him you love him and you only get a "mhm" as a reply if you get one at all which leads you to constantly craving his affection. he thinks he's doing you a favor by remaining emotionally distant while feeding and fucking you and not caring that it's blurring too many lines. he doesnt care that you call him dad on accident, it doesn't rattle him the way it rattles you because as long as he gets to fuck you later what's the harm in playing at being your daddy for a bit?

[sturnwh0re]

*- Just a TikTok. -*

*- C. S. -*

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CONTAINS: Oral fem!Recieving, p in v, dirty talk, pet names, under the influence, rough, sloppy, overstimulation, degrading, praising, flirting, suggestive behavior, Chris!dom, reader!sub

description: Chris was left home alone & bored out of his mind. He decided to invite you over— things got messy real fast..

< YOU > : pink

< CHRIS > : Orange

Chris was left home alone sitting on his couch, he had been in a bad mood when his brothers asked if they wanted to go run errands with them, so out of pettiness he declined hoping to show his frustrations. Once he had no other distraction to keep his occupied he decided to text you.

* texting *

“hey y/n, I’m bored as fuck. Can you come over or something ?”

“I thought you and your brothers were gonna go run errands?”

“nah. I was mad at them so I just stayed home. Kinda regretting it though.”

“ykw, I’ll be there in a couple of minutes. Also, just out a curiousity, y’all got any alcohol over there?”

“alcohol? Yeah, prolly. Why ?”

* read *

Now you had just read Chris’ message almost leaving his on edge on why you would want alcohol. You had went out to your car and started it up to start getting to Chris’ house knowing he wouldn’t leave you alone if you didn’t leave immediately— well— maybe it was also because you were eager to see him.

You had seen Chris’ house in sight and pulled into his driveway. He must’ve heard it because before you even left the car he walked outside and peeked his head through the open front door.

You got out of your car and slammed the door shut while locking it. You walked up to the porch that also had Chris waiting there.

“Hey Chris!” I said happily but I tried to hide away those emotions so he wouldn’t see how eager I was to get here and see him.

“Sup, come inside.” Chris had said almost nonchalantly acting as if his ass didn’t literally invite you over. He waited for you to go inside then followed behind you, smuggishly chuckling at the dump truck you had following your behind.

you hadn’t noticed his stare yet, so you had just normal walked into the living room and jumped onto the couch. “Why are you looking at me like that you weirdo?” I said genuinely curious why I was getting such odd behavior right after the nonchalant responses.

“you have a fat ass, I bet you already know that though.” Chris said smirking while looking down at me sitting. He was almost pushing his hips into my face before he sat down next to me.

“your so weird.” I said giggling and shaking my head as if I was disappointed in him. He was a funny guy but his flirting was so unhinged and extremely bold. his mouth would just let stuff slip out that traveled through his head.

“oh— I almost forgot, you got that alcohol?” I said nudging my shoulder against Chris. He looked over all confused still curious on why I even wanted alcohol.

“You wanna drink right now?— and, you never even answered my text. Why do you even want it?” He said as if he was almost offended that I didn’t respond back to his text. It’s not like he ever answered any of mine either. He sat there squinting waiting for a response

“I dont know, just thought we could drink, make some tiktoks, and just have some fun.” I said shrugging my shoulders. It was true— I did just wanna have some fun and not just rot on his couch.

Chris’ eye brow raised and a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Oh really? What kind of fun mama?” He said in his flirty tone. That fucking tone of his was like a magic spell. I couldn’t let it get to me before the alcohol did.

“Let’s pour a couple of drinks and find out— and stop with that name, Topher.” I chuckled. Chris hated the nickname ‘Topher’. If he wanted to used those nicknames on me, i could use some on him. I left the couch and started to walk to the kitchen.

“Fuck off with that nickname.” Chris said shaking his head and getting off the couch to follow me to the kitchen. He bit his cheek hoping to not to hear ‘Topher’ from anybody else or even from me again.

I let out a small chuckle and leaned on the counter “Where do you keep your alcoholic stuff?” I said not wanting to scavenge through every cabinet and drawer out of respect for the property.

Without words, Chris walked over to the fridge and grabbed us both a drink. He popped the tab on them both with just his pointer fingers. He was such a show off. “Here you go mama. These are strong so don’t drink all of it at once.”

He handed over the drink to me and we had started sipping and talking. Before I knew it I was already done with half of it and feeling it all kick in. “Wanna make a TikTok?” I said trying to avoid feeling all the side effects of the alcohol.

“Sure.” Chris responded quickly as he set his drink down on the counter and grabbed my wrist and brang me to the living room to film a TikTok. He grabbed his phone and chose a sound and then started the timer.

He ran back next to me and he had started to clap to the beat. I bent over on him as a tease and just for some spice in the TikTok and before I got back up, he grabbed my hips and grinded into me.

“fuuckk.” Chris grunted, almost forgetting we were making a TikTok video. I didn’t know whether I should regret this or enjoy this— but I feel like I was definitely enjoying this.

“your such a slut.” I chuckled it off and attempted to get up for a 2nd time but now he grabbed my neck and bent over too, his chest rubbing on my back as he grinded into me.

“don’t play these fucking games with me. You know I need you and your teasing me.” He growled into my ear, followed with a grunt. He kept grinding into my ass and his grip on my neck tightened so slightly.

“Chris— fuck.. are we really doing this?” I said mumbling almost hesitant. I knew I wanted this. And I knew if I drank enough alcohol this was going to happen.

“fuck yes.” Chris said as he stood me up fully and spun me around, his hand still on my neck as he pulled me in for a sloppy kiss. Our tongues were clashing together and saliva had dropped to my chin, as well as his.

Chris had walked me into the couch and we were still sloppily kissing before he broke the kiss and released my neck as he breathe heavily into the air that heated up to the tension. “take it off.”

“W—what..?” I said confused not understanding what he meant at first.

“don’t make me do it for you. Take your clothes off.” He growled as he towered over me, watching me sit helplessly on the couch. We both needed this and wanted it badly. If anything— I craved it.

I started to take my shorts off then my shirt. I was left in my bra and panties. As vulnerable as I was I felt comfortable being like this around Chris.

“good fucking girl.” He said running his hands up and down my stomach. “Now help me out baby.” He said pushing his hips towards me almost begging silently for me to undress him.

I quickly bounced around on the couch and started to undo his baggy jeans. He was left in his boxers that he had let me slip his cock out. Fuck. His cock was hard and ready. Like it’s been waiting.

It had a slight tilt to it and a vein that popped out from the base to his tip. “You’re so big..” I almost whimpered out. It had to have been atleast 6-7 inches.

“Do you think it’s gonna fit in that tight little cunt of yours?” He said menacingly. He ripped off my panties before kneeling between my legs as I was rested on the couch. He spread open my folds and groaned.

“fuck. You’re so wet.” He said as he slowly used his thumb to rub circles on my clit. I had jolted up quickly due to the sudden pleasure but Chris put his hand on my neck again and leaned me back down against the couch.

Before another word he buried his face between my legs. I tried to jolt up again but Chris’ hold on my neck kept me back. His tongue was doing circles on my clit and sucking on it harshly.

“F-fuck.. nghh.!” I moaned out, holding his wrist that connected to the hand that was holding my neck. Gosh. His tongue was so smooth and warm it felt like heaven. My eyes rolled back and closed as more noises escaped my mouth.

“You taste so sweet mama.” He mumbled as he licked all over my clit. All of the sudden I felt 2 fingers plemish into my tight cunt. His tongue was still working on my clit as we was just making eye contact the whole time wanting to see me unfold.

“I— gosh— shit..” I moaned out. I felt his fingers hit my G-spot that he never failed to miss. I felt his fingers and his tongue increase speed and if this kept going I’d cum all over his tongue & fingers in no time.

“your clenching around me.. cum for me mama. cmon..” he mumbled as he was still nipping and sucking on my clit. I felt the knot in my stomach get tighter and tighter before it snapped and I had came all over him, leaving a loud moan behind.

“NGHHH..!” I moaned out as I arched my back off of the couch. Chris kissed my clit a couple more times making my legs twitch, before he pulled his fingers out. He popped his two fingers into his mouth and sucked them dry.

“you’re a good fucking girl” he said picking me up off of the couch and wrapping my legs around his waist. The head of his cock was pushing against my entrance as we started to walk down the hallway into Chris’ room.

He closed the bedroom door behind him and placed me on the bed flat down on my back. “You’re so beautiful.” Chris said kissing my stomach and running his hands up and down my waist.

I was eager to be fucked by him. I needed him inside of me as soon as possible. “Please Chris.. I need you so badly..” I mumbled out impatiently. My back was arching against the bed as I was whining. I needed him. I craved him.

Chris’ Hand Fell onto my neck again and he kissed the side of my neck. “Tell me how much you want me mama.” Chris said whispering into my ear and still holding my neck. He nipped at my earlobe waiting for me to beg for him.

“please Chris.. I need you right now please don’t—“ before I could finish my sentence I felt Chris’ cock slam into me and bruise my cervix. “F-fuck…” I moaned out.

Chris still had a grip on my neck as he was thrusting in and out of my wet shaft. “your so wet.. shit..” Chris groaned out as his head fell back. The slight tilt to his cock hit my G-spot repeatedly with no mercy. I felt chris’ thrusts speed up harshly as his groans became louder and more frequent.

“Just like that.. dirty fucking slut.. nghh..” Chris groaned catching his breath. He leaned down onto me, still thrusting in and out of my tight cunt. He left sloppy kisses on my neck, leaving it covered in his saliva.

My eyes shut and mouth opened, unleashing another train of noises and moans. All of the sudden I felt Chris’ free hand start to rub my clit that added another factor to the overstimulation. “FUCK..FU-FUCKK!!” I squealed out.

My legs were shaking so Chris threw them over his shoulder. He leaned over me and kept thrusting in and out of me while rubbing my sensitive clit. “Cum for me ma. Cmon.. almost there..” Chris grunted out as he started to fuck my bruised cunt at a punishing pace.

No words from me were able to be spoken. I was getting pounded from my air and my own words. felt him flip me onto my stomach and continued to pound into my cunt from behind. My legs were still shaking but he ignored that and kept fucking me.

“come on… nghh..” Chris said throwing his head back as he harshly slapped my ass, leaving his handprint behind. I had started to clench around him as I started to whimper and moan into the mattress below me.

Wet slaps continued to fill the room. My own wetness was dripping on the floor as his cock was covered in my own fluids. “I’m— cumming..!” I moaned out before clenching around him one more time and coating his cock with my cum.

“fucckkkk..” Chris grunted before pulling out of me and stroking his cock wildly. He unleashed white ropes of his cum on my back. “You— you did so good mama.” Chris said kissing the back of my sweaty neck.

“M—mhm..” I sighed. I was finally able to catch my breath and Chris flipped me over again to lay on my back. I felt him kneel between my legs again.

“let me clean you up mama.” He said grabbing my hips and pulling me closer to him. He had slowly started to lick my folds and even dip his tongue inside of me a few times. He licked around my clit and sucked on my messy pussy.

“M-mmhh..” I moaned letting my head fall back. I felt Chris open my legs wider as he continued to lick all over my pussy and coat it with his saliva. He sucked on my clit and licked down to my entrance to dip his tongue in a few times. He kissed my clit once more before standing back up.

Chris chuckles at seeing how tired and pleasured I was. He gave me a sweet kiss transferring the taste of my cunt up to my own mouth. “Let’s actually get you cleaned up, princess.” Chris had chuckled again before picking me up bridal style into the bathroom.

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

[fandelos60]

[Forgive Me] My Little Flower Princess-John Lennon

I want to talk about this song because I consider it very interesting and I feel that it has not been taken into account.

This song is from the 80s, one of the last songs that John left, however, I will give my personal analysis and because I consider that the song is directed for Paul.

To begin with, we all know what they used to call Paul, they used to call him "John's princess", that was the first thing that made me noise, the song literally mentions a princess, now if we talk about "the flowers", somewhere I heard that flowers for the Beatles meant something like "love."

Let's analyze the lyrics:

Well, I know there is no way to repay you

Forgive me, my little flower princess

For crushing your delicateness

Forgive me, if you could forgive me

Forgive me, my little flower princess

For selfishness

Until this moment the song tells us about someone who hopes to be forgiven, everything is fine, although obviously we know that John did not act so well with Paul.

Forgive me, forgive me

Whatever it takes I will try to

The rest of my life I will thank you

Thank you, thank you, my little

This sounds familiar...Ah yes! "NOW AND THEN."

Note: we know that "now and then" was for Paul, in the song it says that " I know it's true, It's all because of youI" , in this song it says the same thing literally, so we can say that it is for Paul.

If you'll forgive me, my little flower princess

Never too late unless you can't forgive

Time is on our side

Let's not waste another minute

'Cause I love you, my little friend

I really love you

Give me just one more chance

And I'll show you

Take up the dance where we left off

The rest of our life is the, my little

I'm home

He mentions that it is never too late to forgive, we know that Pablo and Juan had conflicts, he hopes to be forgiven, unless Pablo is not willing.

Again that fascination with the word "friend", since The Beatles this word appears in several songs, the same happens with the word "yesterday".

We know that John and Paul's code is to talk to each other between the lines, that "friend" accompanied by "I love you" is very INTERESTING.

Again "i love You" reminds me of "Now and then".

We continue with a “oh, we have to continue what we left off”, that is, having a decision.

"The Rest of Our Lives" reminds me of "(Just Like) Starting Over", we know he was inspired by Paul and Yoko for that song.

The most interesting part is the "I'm home."

We all know that "Two of us" is a song that talks about the two of them. There are a lot of mentions in the song about them being on their way home, in a way it's like John saying "I'm ready to meet you again" (Paul).

Note: We also know that in the 80s they were thinking about getting together but we all know what happened (cries).

Also many had doubts about that "Us two" phrase, maybe this can help.

I hope to continue doing more interpretations, also, I speak Spanish, sorry if I expressed myself wrong.

[9800sblog]

hybe tarot reading

the group members vs current legal matters

this reading was concluded in 20th May of 2024

bts

the magician reversed, 10 of pentacles, 6 of swords, page of wands

good business, it requires safety, protection, health, newjeans is such a big group and hybe is such an influential company, these issues and their solutions affect the entire world and generations to come. they're breaking old curses, that are helping all types of workers, they know what they're doing and it's likely been planned and/or expected. there's only so much they could do before, this is like britney spears waiting til the right time to expose herself, to try and change the entire justice system.

txt

the moon, the chariot reversed, 10 of cups, ace of swords, 9 of pentacles

a lot to show for, they're loving the consequences and how it influences them, but they're waiting for their own time to make their move. this is bringing very necessary change, in things the public isn't talking about (literally), the cards are diverse here, groups are having fun with them, they're so untouchable, it's a breath of fresh air for those involved, cracking jokes and seeing things for what they really are - not that frustrating situation that everybody's trying to get involved. this is probably the strongest/most powerful group at hybe.

enhypen

3 of pentacles reversed, queen of pentacles, 7 of swords, the devil reversed, ace of cups

it's probably a good day for hybe/kpop/enhypen, leave behind stupid laws they have to answer to and stay in their own lane, doing their own thing. they must have broken ties with people that underestimated them and held them back, hybe is finally getting authority over their art, instead of a law-forced hierarchy, everybody's working towards the same goals. these dudes love science.

illit

10 of wands reversed, 7 of wands, the high priestess, the sun, 6 of wands reversed

they trust those people with eyes closed, it's frustrating how people think it's because artists can't see what's happening, it's because they're strong as fuck.... they defend themselves when need be, and most of who they are is hidden, illit members are happy that people are starting to notice that public figures are bigger and smarter than they thought, somebody cracked the mirror of their reflections and they actually just don't care. you know how illit debut is clearly scientists that ran away from psychic wards and live in abandoned places, but people think it's just "innocent concept"? hm that's very true to real life. they're defying gravity running in isolated spaces, how is that similar to newjeans who's concept is just them and their culture?

le sserafim

8 of swords reversed, 5 of swords reversed, strength, strength, 3 of wands

I literally heard "so the plan is working! it was you, little devils!?" coming from the cartoon on the tv as I shuffled the cards (it's rugrats by the way, but I didn't catch which episode was playing), just like the lyrics in smart. very similar to enhypen, they're involved in a lot of meetings and planning, they're all protected by the things they did when they were kids and by family and friends, there's no need to worry about these groups as if the public knows their story because everyone dismisses that. public has been playing detective because they're bored, le sserafim is changing the industry, like they said, and kpop is part of government, so they're actually changing politics. they're all fine.

seventeen

death reversed, 2 of pentacles reversed, page of pentacles, 5 of cups reversed

again from the tv "alright, but you're gonna regret it! if these rats wanna come in, let's give them a ride they're never gonna forget" right after the death card fell reversed. why is nobody paying attention to seventeen? they're really fucking things up for those that try to control people/the masses, this is a BIG company in every sense of the word, there is not a single small talent here, people are getting involved, posting and talking without even looking, they're everywhere! they're probably here too kkkkkkk this is not a joke, the cards really indicate that, they have a passion for design, it seems, meaning they have a passion for shaping the way people perceive the world.

fromis_9

king of cups, 9 of wands, 7 of cups reversed, 5 of wands reversed, 3 of pentacles reversed

again, have yall forgotten about these groups? they're really screwing things up, this feud is nothing about pedophilia or 1 vs 1, it's about politics and laws, it's obvious.. they may have many licenses, come from lawyer families or be lawyers themselves (yes, members), they've also been untied to something that tried to control them, they're hiding in the shadows, but damn they really know what they're doing.

tws

ace of cups, 6 of cups reversed, 3 of cups reversed, 8 of pentacles, knight of pentacles

this is an adrenaline level legal feud, it's all to do with politics and science, just look at the cards. they may have been pushed to debut by governors that think people are numbers, but that's no issue to them, they're like musketeers. there's not much to say here, just they're fine, they're gonna solve this their own way and they could care less if the public will think they're bad people (much like hybe staff - min heejin and bang pd), they don't care about "they deserve an apology; they're victims", ruthless and they don't get tired.

I'm reminded of miroh by stray kids, uh oh by g idle.

boynextdoor

the lovers, knight of wands, the emperor, 6 of cups reversed, the magician

they have ancient culture involved in this, spirituality, witchcraft and things like that - I don't know how people see things like these on music videos and pretend they're not associated with those people, like how many idols have had tarot and oracle on their images, that's like red velvet's entire concept and please don't pretend aespa aren't scientists and nct aren't businessmen, like kpop is still happening in real life, it's not a psychedelic trip. these members are way more in control than people think, because they relate to physics laws.

newjeans

2 of swords, judgement, 4 of wands, 2 of cups, the devil

they're FINE, these are HUGE cards to have in a situation like this, OMG. the cards don't even need any explanation, like look at this combo, like if you have any doubts or worries, just watch newjeans music videos and listen to stray kids songs like this spread is so district 9 coded. "but I'm not gonna be the one to get hurt" [hurt - newjeans], "I'm going crazy, right?" [omg - newjeans] and "when you say I'm a dream, you don't even know my name, do ya?" [super shy - newjeans]

also, I found the strength card hidden under the 2 of cups LIKE-

like there's a reason why newjeans, le sserafim and txt are the ones public is paying most attention to, "don't forget the shoes I left behind, what more need I say?" [antifragile - le sserafim]

&team

4 of pentacles, 8 of wands, 7 of pentacles, the world

"remember how he was obsessive over clowns? oh he'll be fine!" from the tv as I shuffled the cards again. it's like if you don't know anything about laws, of course this whole situation sounds scary, simple, yet unsolvable, these people train for YEARS, and their resumes are huge.

[needtotouchsomegrass]

Levi x Reader | Office au | smut | tw: 18+

Word count: 3k +

What would you do if you’re cold hearted, hot boss would walk in on you while playing with yourself in the office?……

tw: smut | sex | office sex | praising

It’s another Monday night at the office. I’m working late to make sure I’ll able to hand in that one sports article by midnight. All of my friends and colleagues have left already to be with their families and friends.

No one’s waiting for me, so I can definitely pull a night shift. Won’t be able to push this article further anyways. Boss would get super mad.

I sigh rubbing my temples. It’s only 09:35pm and I still got about 2000 words to write. Ugh. I hate this job - I don’t - I hate the fact that I procrastinate until I’m so stressed out I don’t get anything done.

I sigh again feeling the wetness between my legs. I have been sitting here all day. My thighs rubbing against each other.

It’s been some time since I’ve slept with someone. After my stupider ex fiancé left me for someone half my age I haven’t felt the confidence to go out and meet new people.

I’m too old for that anyways. Turning 35 in October means it’s time to get a dog - a golden retriever for sure.

I sigh. 09:38pm.

I move my hips from side to side , grinding back in forth in my chair to loose up my back and legs. Gosh I need Sex! I close my eyes intensifying my movements until I feel myself getting wetter.

I take a look around the office - no one’s here. That means no one’s gonna know too. It’s just me. By myself.

I get up from my desk and walk along the hall. Some coworkers tend to need space from their desks every now and then so my boss got us spare rooms where we can hang out and relax to get a clear mind before returning to work.

Entering one of the rooms I close the door. Exhaling loudly I lean against it with my back.

Is this a good idea? Should I really do it here? Well, who’s gonna stop me? Jesus? No!! Man never existed.

I set myself down on one of the free desks standing around, leaning against it with my back, letting my hands slide over my body. Grabbing my boobs. Damn I have wonderful tits. My ass ain’t that bad either.

My head falls back while my hands run along my curves.

I close my eyes sliding my hand in between my skin and underwear. A gasp leaving my mouth as I realize how wet I am, feeling it literally drip down my folds.

I massage my tits as I run my fingers along my wetness. My bottomlip trembling.

My fingertips circle my clit having me legs shudder. I push a finger in and moan, not able to hold myself back any longer. Having something inside me after such a long time feels heavenly.

A second finger. Just the right length to hit the spot that’s driving me crazy.

I start pushing in and out of myself consistently at a quicker pace, gaining wet sounds from my pussy.

This feels too good to be true.

My head falls back. The air getting hotter and thicker around me as I keep hitting my weak spot.

Suddenly the door opens making me halt in all of my movements.

I squeeze my eyes shut not able to face the person entering. Shit shit shit. Fuck fuck fuck.

“Seems like you’re enjoying yourself”, a deep male voice. Footsteps edge closer to where I’m standing, glued to the desk, hands still on myself

He must be standing right in front me now. I can smell his perfume. Woody, clean.

I feel the table shift on both of my sides , “that’s quite the nasty thing to do in my office”, he’s so close I feel his breathe on my nose. There’s a heat radiating of him.

Did he say his office??! It can’t be, can it?

I open my eyes and meet my boss’s gaze. His steel blue eyes staring in mine.

They’re really pretty up close.

My eyes widen as I realize what situation I’m in.

His tall, brought figure leaning above me. His shirt half unbuttoned, eyes deep , breathe as heavy as my own.

“Sir I -“, I try to explain as he presses bis lips onto mine. His hands slide around my waist pulling me against him. Hand gripping one of my ass cheeks as his tongue meets mine, having me moan into his mouth.

His lips leave mine and travel along my throat and collarbone.

“You’re wearing too much”, he whispers before pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it to the ground.

His eyes wander across my body. Something in his gaze seems impressed.

He cups my breast with his hand, mouth sucking and biting on my nipple. I wrap my arms around his neck, running my hands through his ash black hair.

His tongue wanders up my body again. I moan as he continues to suck and bite on my sensitive skin.

He backs away, lips plump and red, cheeks flushed, hair messy.

I try to catch my breath to ask if there is something wrong. Except for literally what we’re doing right now.

I gasp as he lifts me up setting my down in top of the desk, towering over me.

He pushes my legs open, skirt further up, before kneeling down.

“Oh god, no!”

I place my hands in front of myself realizing what he’s about to do.

He furrows his brows giving me a questioning look.

“What’s the matter?” “I - ugh you can’t just do this.” “Why?” “It’s wrong. You’re my ….boss.”

His hands cup my ass while he’s still kneeling between my legs.

He chuckles. Obviously finding this while chaos way more entertaining than I am.

“You’re Right. I am your boss. That means you do what I say. And right now I want you to take your pretty little hands out of my way.”

His voice is deep and raspy but yet calm and collected.

My heart beats faster in my chest.

I move my hands to my sides looking away to avoid his gaze.

He chuckles again. This time darker and more to himself.

His hands wrap around my thighs keeping my legs opened.

I feel his breath on me as his face moves closer to where I’m aching the most.

A loud gasp leaves my mouth as his tongue runs along my inner thigh before leaving a hickey right next to my entrance - where the skin is the most sensitive.

He’s slow and tentatively getting closer to my cunt as if to find out what pleasures me.

My head falls back as he licks a long my folds. So slowly that I can’t help but arch my back trying to get away. Too bad that his grip on my thighs is so tight it won’t let me move an inch - probably gonna be bruised tomorrow thanks boss.

His tongue starts to move faster, circling around my clit. “Ugh please no - ah”.

I hear him chuckle, feeling his smile against my skin.

He gets up to his feet gaze locked on me as he loosens his belt.

“You’re a mess y/n”, he grins.

He’s right. Even though I can’t see it I can feel how turned on I am.

I watch him getting rid of his belt, veins showing on his hands as he does it.

He inches closer, standing between my legs.

“I need your consent.”

I meet his eyes. They’re sincere with a dark spark in them.

“Mr. Ackerman, I’m all yours for tonight.”

He chuckles, showing his dimples.

God this man is attractive. How did I never notice?

“Levi”, he says. “Alright Levi”, I say with a smirk on my face “you have my consent.”

And with that his lips crash into mine as if I’d just released a wild animal. His hands everywhere, making sure to touch every part of my body.

His hand slides into his boxers pulling out his length.

He aligns himself with me, his hand cupping my cheek as his eyes lock onto mine.

I give him a short nod before his pushes himself inside me.

My head falls back, lips parting as he slides in deeper and deeper. His hands placed on my waist keeping me steady. He’s cursing to himself. Cute.

He inches closer and closer until he’s fully buried inside me. He holds still one hand moving up to my cheek again.

“Breathe. You okay?”

My eyes closed I feel myself stretching around his cock.

He’s huge. Holy fuck. I feel full.

“Hm”, I nod my eyes watery.

“Y/n it’s gonna stop to hurt.”

He starts to move slowly in and out having me moan with each thrust.

I bite my lip as he starts to do it faster. Soon the pain fades into pleasure.

Levi’s found a pace that does both of us well.

His lips find mine again as I wrap my arms and legs around him. I need this man. God how much I need him.

His trusts get rougher and deeper hitting every single spot possible.

My eyes water, emotions uncontrollable as his skin slaps against mine, both out breaths heavy. The air getting thicker and hotter around us.

Everything a blur.

“Levi I - fuck”, I breathe earning another grin from him.

His lips find my neck for the millionth time as he switches the pace to something more slow yet forceful.

I moan into his mouth every time he pushes his full length inside my dripping cunt.

He grunts.

He’s getting closer too.

Levi holds my legs up having me kay flat on the desk.

Is squeak as he slaps my ass.

His gaze meets mine, eyes dark, smirk playing around his lips as if he’s planing something.

My eyes roll back as he thrusts back inside my already well-fucked pussy. This time going even deeper and faster.

A tingling sensation builds up un my stomach growing with each of his thrusts.

My breath gets quicker, my hands holding onto the edge of the desk. Knuckles white.

His thrusts get rougher having me bite my lip, holding onto dear life.

I get closer and closer to the edge until it hits me.

My eyes roll back and my back arches as the orgasm washes over me. “Ugh fuck”, Levi groans as my walls squeeze him tight. He keeps going, my legs shaking in front of his chest.

I feel my cum dripping down between my ass cheeks. Whimpering with each trust. Tears forming in my eyes.

Levi continues to fuck me senseless until the feeling builds up again.

This time much more intense.

He places a soft kiss on my leg.

“Cum for me again princess.”

His thrusts get sloppier, faster and deeper having me moan his name with each one of them.

“Levi I -“, I gasp as he bottoms me out, twitching inside me. Head buried in the crook of my neck.

My back lifts off the desk again as another wave of satisfaction crashes into me. My vision blurry as tears form my eyes.

Levi whispers something I’m not able to hear due to the overstimulation hitting me.

He pulls out, my legs falling limp to both of my sides. Muscles to weak to keep them up any longer.

I exhale loudly heart pounding in my chest.

Levi chuckles standing between my legs. His eyes hover over my body as if he were an artist taking a look at his work.

“Y/n you’re beautiful.”

He helps me sit up. Holding me steady as my body adjusts to the position.

He cups my cheek gently wiping away one of the tears. Happy tears. I-just-had-really-good-overwhelming-sex tears.

“Y/n you’re a beautiful woman and I’d be stupid to let anyone fuck you like that other than myself.”

The end :) hehe

[saneabandoned]

Diving into Star Wars: The Clone Wars

“Good soldiers follow orders.”

This seems to encapsulate the whole seven seasons of the series Star Wars: The Clone Wars. If you haven’t seen it, haven’t heard of it – in short, it’s an animated series set between Episode II and III of the prequel saga. However, the aim of this is not to be a guide – you can go to Wookiepedia for that; this is supposed to be an essay – analysis, some kind of a deeper-ish dive into the philosophy and meaning of the series, that frankly is one of the best things to happen to this film universe, perhaps ever. I have, time and again, tried to explain for myself the meaning it carries and just why it has me in such a strong chokehold, but I have failed, or at least haven’t reached a conclusion. Maybe it’s not possible, maybe it’s just the magic of being a fan – you see and feel things not everyone would understand, because it speaks to you on some personal level, that even some (more chill than me, at least) fans won’t be able to entirely relate to. I have yet to meet a person as obsessive as I am over all kinds of different media – don’t get me wrong, even though Star Wars is without a doubt my favourite universe, there are many more I have indulged in, wrote about, watched, listened, theorized and all that good stuff throughout many years. But as I have recently come to realize, I have spent the last ten-ish years of my (not that long, to be fair) conscious life thinking about this universe, this whole galaxy (pun absolutely intended) of characters, morals, and plots.

Speaking about morals, that’s where some of the importance of The Clone Wars comes for me personally. Ever since I can remember, Star Wars has been a huge deal in my life – I watched the movies at a very young age (thanks, mom!), but started reading more and more into the whole world as I got older. I thought I’d reached the peak somewhere in high school when I would literally rewatch the prequels every single weekend, and the OG movies about once a month too. I just found it mesmerising, I always have – being a person with a huge imagination, that never quite stops working (and that’s caused me some trouble as well), I found a haven in this world, a place where nothing is too weird, everything is just so brilliantly imagined and thought of, written and painted so vividly, that it feels like someone has taken the insides of my brain, turned them into a whole painting, adding stories, characters and just overall putting into words and pictures the things that I can’t really understand and explain for myself. I found a mirror in this world, a sanctuary for all my thoughts. I used to listen to the soundtracks whenever I felt anxious, and it would transport me directly into the universe I felt so safe in. It was an escape from reality; still is – not that reality was or is particularly scary or unbearable for me; but sometimes I wish I was elsewhere; somewhere where there is courage, bravery, adventure, love, all the things I longed for while being quite honestly, mostly a bored teenager at school.

I have always loved writing, loved expressing my thoughts, putting them into words (as is becoming obvious by this text) and have always greatly appreciated when films, books or other media would reciprocate that – when the words on the screen or the page would feel like I wrote them myself, so true, so real, so incredibly close to me, that I would get literal shivers and wonder if telepathy is actually possible. But hey, that’s The Force for you!

As of now, I have just finished completely rewatching the whole Clone Wars series and as always, I have many thoughts on it. The first time I watched it was right after the final season came out because at that time, and especially during the pandemic, I was going deeper than ever into my interests, rewatching all my favourite things, while also searching for new ones to keep me from going absolutely insane (I think I maybe have succeeded in the opposite though). So, stumbling across this series, I thought I’d give it a try. The rest is history – after absolutely and hungrily devouring it, I continued to Rebels, and every other possible piece of media under the sun. Fabulous times.

Now, one thing I’d like to make clear – I’m not a pro. I am not in any way a certified critic, a writer, or any other sort of person authorised to make such an analysis. I am but a fan, a fan for whom this universe means more than I could ever hope to be able to put into words; a fan who after years of contemplation, has reached a point where I can’t keep it inside any longer. I’d love if this piece of writing makes it out in the universe, reaches as many people who enjoy Star Wars as much as I do, but even if not, I am writing it for myself, I am trying to step out of my comfort zone, reach deep into myself, and in a life of struggling with the loudness of my thoughts, trying to put something down, manifesting my emotions and creating something physical from them; these characters that mean so much to me will never be real, I can never hope to speak to them, touch them, or see them in real life. They have although shaped me as a person and largely formed my psyche and morals, view of the world, inner monologue, even some of my characteristics.

So nevertheless, for me they are more real than a lot of people I know are.

***

To begin, I don’t intend to focus on the Jedi’s role in the war – it is of course vital, but I think the discourse about that is to be found more detailed in relation to the movies, namely the prequels, as CW is very much about the clones themselves. When I first started watching it, I will be honest, I didn’t think I’d find what I ended up finding – and that is such depth that I couldn’t imagine finding again, after being a fan of the movies, both OG and prequels, for so long. But was I wrong!

But let’s start with Ahsoka, since I started by mentioning the Jedi and she is one of the first new characters to appear (besides Rex and many others, of course). First, I wasn’t convinced that I liked her much – she was a bit of an annoying youngling for the first few seasons, after all. I wanted Anakin and that’s about it. Well, I got what I wanted, I think, as I am firm in my opinion that Anakin’s arc is so widely explored that you get a whole another view of his character, something I didn’t think was possible, after all – isn’t the entire saga about him? It is, but still – what I saw in CW, through characters such as Ahsoka and Rex, contributed so much to Anakin’s development as a character and leading force in the saga as I don’t think anything else ever did in the movies, any of them. So, yes, I got what I wanted, but also, I got so much more – Anakin is not my main point of discussion here, I think as main of a character he might be in this series, he is not THE main one, at least not for me. And as Dave Filoni is quoted saying – The Clone Wars is about Ahsoka and Rex.

Who are they? That was my main wonder when I first started watching – why would I care about a random clone captain and a youngling? They are both not present in the movies, and the clones themselves have very little personality there, they are just side characters, until they end up executing Order 66, which is of course devastating. But after watching CW, I completely changed my outlook on it, but more on that later. So, Ahsoka and Rex – admittedly, in the beginning, I didn’t find that much since it’s just mainly classic Star Wars battles and a loose plot that is not absolutely VITAL to the end result but brings so much deeper insight into the clones’ personalities, and ultimately through that to the whole feel.

What I really find devastating about this series is the nagging feeling of doom you inevitably carry with you – you spend so many episodes and seasons watching your favourite characters win numerous battles, you root for them, you cry and laugh with them, you grow so attached to them; but you know how the story ends, you’ve seen Anakin become Vader, again you know about Order 66, you know the Empire rises after all and Palpatine’s plan works – and every time you hear someone say “you’re going to lose this war”, you hope for the opposite, but you know they’re right and there’s nothing to be done – evil wins in the end of this. And as I read somewhere – this is a story that happened a long time ago – it’s over, it has already happened, there is no hope, at least in this series, which I find frankly terrifying. Amazingly done, but still heartbreaking.

Clones, war, and choices

The point about choices and what it means to be a soldier gradually becomes more and more pronounced as the show goes on – one amazing example of this is the Umbara arc where the 501st is led not as usual by Anakin, but by Pong Krell (who later turns out to be a traitor of course). This is one of the darkest moments in the show, as clones are made to kill one another, to sacrifice themselves without reason, and for the first time to face an incompetent, and frankly evil general, and to choose to disobey. This is for me a crucial moment, as the clones have never before chosen to disobey direct orders – they were, after all, made to comply and to follow what their generals tell them to.

"I used to believe that being a good soldier meant doing everything they told you. That's how they engineered us. But we're not droids. We're not programmed. You have to learn to make your own decisions."

But here, we can see the conflict – especially in Rex, as he is the captain and has to face the general and answer for his deeds. He looks him directly in the eye and tells him they are not willing to go on a suicide mission, that they will not follow his orders, after he’s made them fight and kill their brothers unknowingly, and even ordered Fives and Jesse to be executed. However, Rex struggles with killing Krell, when he decides to; he orders him to kneel and points the blaster at his back but is unable to fire the shot. Once again, Star Wars proves that its plot has much deeper nuances and philosophies; for the first time here, we are faced with the harsh truth – the clones are people. We know that, but it somehow gets lost in the movies, as the focus there is on the Jedi’s end, which is just as tragic, of course. But before now, no one has considered what it really means to be a clone. They were made for war, they were made to die, their lives and their deaths were planned. Are the Jedi and the Republic, in that case, really the “good” side? That’s what I, at least, started to reflect on when I reached this point in the series, and it changed my whole outlook on the saga, on everything I have seen thus far. Yes, I still think the Jedi are cool and whatnot – but did they not deserve what happened to them for so blindly exploiting their soldiers? They didn’t know about Order 66 of course, and Palpatine is in no way right – but how come the Jedi are innocent in this? I don’t think they are, at least not fully. They could’ve stopped so much suffering and helped so many more clones, if not for their narrow views, which are all the reason for the clones’ suffering, Ahsoka’s leaving and consequently, Anakin’s betrayal.

"Sometimes in war, it's hard to be the one that survives."

Oh, Cody, Co-dy! The friendship the clones and in this case – Rex and Cody – share is truly precious and very accentuated in this arc especially (here the first arc of the last season) – it is Cody who Rex confides in about not wanting to lose any more brothers, as he knows he is one of the few ones who will understand him fully, what it means to be a soldier, to have to live with the morals of war, to have never known anything but loss. This is what makes Rex dive and slightly recklessly (thank God) search for Echo, proving that he’s alive, saving him from the tortures. They are brothers, and they never leave their own behind. But he is not possessive or jealous, and when he senses Echo’s pull towards Clone Force 99, he is ready to give him the push he needs to join them. He knows his brothers, as I said, and he knows the trials of war, so if Echo will feel even an ounce happier with this squad, he deserves it, after all he’s endured – “If that’s where you feel your place is, then that's where you belong."

Therefore, I love the Skako Minor arc and Echo’s retrieval, not only because it sets up the ground for The Bad Batch (I’m not even going to begin trying to explain what it means to me, as it deserves to have another huge debate on its own), but because it shows Rex’s devotion to his brothers – all of them. Even though he tries to be just a soldier, to live through the deaths, he still cares immensely, and that’s what makes him a good captain. His bravery is unmatched, he is always the one leading his men, and looking out for them, because he knows his men, he stands and fights side by side with them, and he’s ready to die on the battlefield, thus setting the example for everyone.

The philosophy of war is extremely complicated – this is what I enjoyed so much about the series (and the movies of course, politics and war is the main theme), among all other things; the fact that we see war as destroying, as a necessary evil, as a tragedy by itself – but war also created life in this case and its ending brought much more death than any of the battles ever did.

"The mission... the nightmares. They're finally... over."

I’m sorry, but I think I have never witnessed anything as remotely tragic as Fives’ arc – Palpatine told only him the whole truth, fully knowing no one would believe the clone hasn’t lost his mind; but the sacrifice the trooper made ultimately saved so many lives, mostly Rex’s, one of his closest friends. Fives never got to reunite with Echo but losing him made Rex realise how important every brother is to him, and in consequence, he never gave up on any of them (not that he was inclined to do so before of course). In his last sane moment, Rex begged Ahsoka to “find Fives”, and she understood. She knew the clones better than anyone and knew exactly what that meant and never doubted it for a second. Fives saved her life, too.

Fives’ arc is the first time the show begins to become darker and more sombre – it is also the point when we as spectators begin to realize what Order 66 actually means, having seen before only its results; but this time we see its execution, through the eyes of the clones themselves. They are forced to kill all Jedi, after being their most loyal soldiers, and honestly – incredibly loyal friends as well. They can’t control it and it’s not their choice – but that doesn’t mean they don’t realize what they’re doing – Rex said he couldn’t help it; Wrecker said he tried to fight it (The Bad Batch); Bly shot Aayla so many times, so she wouldn’t suffer and her death would be quick; Cody didn’t even check if Obi-Wan was dead; Wolffe didn’t kill Plo Koon. They were people, they were made to do inhumane things, but they found a way, they made a choice, so that they could somehow live with it after.

We get all of this through the clones’ perspective, rather than the Jedi, and it’s just as painful, if not more – we are used to hearing “the army betrayed its generals”, but what happens when we realise, they couldn’t do anything about it? What happens when we see the struggle, when we can almost feel the pain of having to betray? The clones, the most loyal creatures ever created, made for loyalty, have to turn on their generals, on their comrades, on their closest friends.

So, I come back to Ahsoka and Rex. We see them in the very first moment of the show, and they have already formed a bond, which is unlike anything else. They fight side by side the whole war – from the battle of Christophsis to the Siege of Mandalore – and Dave Filoni is truly right when he says this show is about them; but I think also in a broader sense. It is about two creatures who were destined to fight all their lives, who no matter their completely opposite backgrounds, turned out to be the same things – soldiers. Through and through, in their own ways. Their friendship transcends beyond all of this, they have a unique connection, that’s never shaken, even in the direst of moments; even years later, when they meet (in Rebels), you can feel their love for one another, the purest friendship there ever was, somehow ironically created by the ugliness of war and constant fight. Both Rex and Ahsoka suffered losses we cannot imagine – Rex says he tries not to hold on to any of his brothers, and Ahsoka is a Jedi, so it is forbidden for her to form such attachments; but we know. We see it in their eyes, we can hear it when they speak. Rex can never forget Fives’ death and the fact that he died thinking no one believed him; he ran to Skako Minor in an instant even though it might have been a trap, but the chance to save Echo was not one he was going to miss out on this time. And he saved his brother, against all odds. And he saved Ahsoka, as she saved him, time and again. Because that's what brothers do.

“I’m no Jedi” – an interesting phrase for Ahsoka and Rex to have in common, given how different both their roles and backgrounds seem to be, but it is indeed the one they unexpectedly share. Spoken first by Rex here, and then a lot later by Ahsoka in Rebels, it is highly unprovable that it’s on purpose. However, I don’t think anything in Star Wars is done without a reason, so I choose to believe there is some thread connecting them – after all it is Rex and Ahsoka, and that will always matter. What it means for both of them is simultaneously the same, yet different – Rex is the clone closest to the Jedi, there is no doubt about this; he’s used to their ways, he has as equally as strong a moral code, so it is somehow thinly implied that he acts similar to them, despite (or thanks to) being one of the strongest and most respected clone leaders. His closeness to both his general and commander is widely known, so no one seems to pay attention to the fact that he is actually a clone, as he makes his own decisions, and often chooses to fight where a Jedi would opt to step back.

Ahsoka and Anakin

For me Ahsoka became the best character in the whole saga, no ounce of doubt, sorry. She is the embodiment of the Force, she is fierce, loyal, but also incredibly wise for someone her age, and someone who is still learning. On many an occasion, she proves to be more experienced than Anakin (and in my book, experience outranks everything) and I feel like he’s learned as much from her as she did from him – if not more. She is the one keeping him sane and grounded, and I’m a firm believer that had she not left the order, he wouldn’t turn. Ahsoka’s presence brings so many new layers to Anakin’s character, that have not been explored before that and had she stood by him, he wouldn’t be able to become what he became. So, yes – ultimately, I blame the Jedi order for Anakin’s betrayal, I always have, but after watching this series, and seeing it from another point of view, I simply cannot be shaken. They took everything from him and left him alone, which has always been his weakest – he has always been this little child, terrified by the dark, later consumed by it, now unable to fight it anymore. The Jedi made him, and they unmade him too. In my opinion, he shouldn’t have ever been a Jedi in the first place – he is not like Obi-Wan, not like Yoda, not even like Ahsoka (who is not the traditional Jedi either, being trained by him) – he is so powerful and so weak at the same time, and that’s where his dilemma lays – who am I? Which side am I on? He doesn’t know, but no one is there to help him – Ahsoka included, as she (rightfully so!) leaves the order when she sees the truth about it. But she carries that guilt ever since.

She blames herself for leaving Anakin, she blames herself for not fighting alongside him when he needed it; for leaving her friend, her brother. If I were Ahsoka, I would have done the same – she was betrayed by the Jedi, not by Anakin, not ever, but still. He stood with the Order when she needed him by her side. And that is what destroys him too. The loss of his padawan, his most loyal friend is unlike anything else, and for her, leaving this life that’s all she’s ever known, transforms her view on everything. And when she inevitably returns, because that’s where she is supposed to be in order for the prophecy to happen – she must be there, but not by Anakin’s side; she doesn’t fit anywhere else, but she doesn’t fit there anymore either; and she can’t follow him, so she’s sent to Mandalore, again alongside the clones, her brothers, she goes down fighting with Rex. She’s always been his sister more than a Jedi; she didn’t ever belong anywhere else but on a battlefield. She may not be a clone, and she wasn’t meant to be a soldier either; but just like the clones, the war is all she’s ever known, and even though she was meant to be a peacekeeper, peace was something she never knew, especially after Anakin’s turn to the Dark side – even though there is no longer a war, she is forever tormented by the voices she heard in his last moments as her beloved master and the pain she felt when he left.

She knew it was over in that moment – Order 66 is by far the most heartbreaking arc of them all and I can never watch it without then spending weeks thinking about it – it’s genius, really, how Palpatine had this evil plan, dictated the whole war without anyone noticing; and it worked. It worked and changed the whole entire galaxy, and nothing could have prevented it – except maybe Anakin turning; and that is what Ahsoka can’t get over; she feels it is somehow partially her fault that the dark won; if only she hadn’t left, it haunts her forever. She doesn’t know Anakin is Vader, not until she meets him after, so she thinks he’s dead like the rest of the Jedi – and when she finds out what truly happened to him, she passes out (in Rebels; another terrific moment) because the pain is just too strong – the mixture of his known presence in the Force, and his new persona, that is torn from pain and suffering, feelings so intense and unknown to her she can’t understand them. It’s not her master, but it is undeniably Anakin. And he feels abandoned, he feels alone, he is guilty and sad and in constant pain, he is no longer there, not really, but then – he is. And the memory of what he once was, what he promised, everything he taught his padawan brings such pain for Ahsoka.

She may not think she is truly a Jedi, yet she is for me the only one of them I came to respect – she is never hypocritical, doesn’t leave anyone behind, not ever, and she fights for good, always for what she deems right, never feeling like she has to change for others, but in the end always blaming herself for their fate. She could never forgive herself for what happened to Anakin, and she can never forget her brothers, the clones, she suffers and grieves for every one of them, she knows their names, they were her whole world. And the only thing she had left, because they never judged and never tried to change her, they simply stood by her. Even when they had orders to kill her.

Rex and Order 66

Ahsoka’s master was gone from that moment on, and all she had left was Rex. The other main character, and I accept no objections to that statement. Rex is... the best one ever. He is, without any doubt, my favourite from this series. Putting aside my Ahsoka obsession, I didn’t expect to grow as attached to him as I did. Then again, I can’t separate them – for me, they are a team, the best one, and I don’t think I would have liked them as much had they not been the amazing pair they are. The connection between Rex and Ahsoka is what makes this series so different and so much better than the movies for me. It shows a level of true depth and caring that we haven’t really seen before – the type of platonic trust that few people find in their real lives. If I get to have just one friend that is as loyal, I don’t think I’d need anything more. Their story is so real, so touching and beautiful and sad – I think it is not only the best one in the series, but in the whole saga, and in any storyworld, really, for me personally. They meet a kid and a soldier, but they leave the war (or maybe the war leaves them) as equals, friends bound by experiences so unique and traumatic that they can never forget them, their bond can never be destroyed. They are soulmates, and they are forever. I don’t make the rules, sorry.

"Well, I've known no other way. Gives us clones all a mixed feeling about the war. Many people wish it had never happened, but without it, we wouldn't exist.”

Rex says this to Ahsoka moments before he is forced to execute Order 66 and it makes me shudder every time I hear it. Knowing what follows, knowing that the clones that have been created for war, are humans with so much more nuanced feelings that they let themselves express, that they fear the war ending as much as others might feel a war beginning is incredibly twisted. They are not machines, they are much more than that, they have feelings, and they have morals, and they are afraid. Rex has never doubted his loyalty to his commanders, and never gave any reason to be doubted – never hesitated, never showed anything less than immense courage and skill. But now he stands before the only person he’s never been able to deceive, and he voices for the first time what probably has been torturing him for a while – the knowledge that he is expendable, that his life might be over, and that this might be what he’s always fought for – the end of himself and his brothers. Victory and death, indeed.

Viewers have witnessed many a clone death, and these last episodes are the culmination of it all – from that point on, every favourite character is in danger. Of themselves. One thing that the series does marvellously is bring personality to so many seemingly identical characters – in the movies we never get any detail about their lives, their characteristics, even their looks – but now I could recognize Fives from Echo in a second; they might have the same features and the same voice, but they are not the same. They are brothers, forged by the same essence, they share the same blood and the same heart, but they are individuals with thoughts and passions so diverse it’s impossible not to notice, not to adore.

Rex is Ahsoka’s best friend, as she reassures him moments before everything went to hell. He is the man who stood and fought by her side, and who watched her grow up. Who, when faced with the order to kill her, removes and drops his helmet in a desperate try to fight Order 66 (perhaps unconsciously, as he is being mind-controlled), and so she could see his eyes, see his tears, his struggle, his shaking, and know that he had no choice, know that on some level, he is asking for help for the first time ever, the soldier he is – he removes his helmet so he could look her in the eyes, his best friend, his sister, his commander; and she knows.

She’d ran to him, when sensing there was something wrong – of course, Ahsoka would run to Rex, because he’s Rex, he’ll know exactly what to say and what to do, and maybe he could contact somebody who can fix this; this can’t be real, the war is almost over; she’s still a child after all, she can’t face this now, not alone, not without Rex. She’s never had to face anything without Rex, it’s just unimaginable – but she runs to him and in his eyes she sees someone who is not Rex at all, and suddenly all the men she trusted with her life more times than she can count, are not the men she knows, and they want to hurt her, and Rex wants to hurt her, even though it makes him suffer. She sees his tears; she feels in him what she never believed she would.

The parallels in their relationship are just amazing – one of their first interactions is when Rex says to her “good luck, kid” on their first ever mission together – and it shows just how much he already cares for her, how he understands that beneath all her witty remarks and wish to prove herself to her new master (and his soldiers!), she is still a kid thrown on a battlefield – an unnatural atmosphere for anyone, but especially for a young child with no experience whatsoever. From then on, they just keep getting closer and their friendship grows stronger until it reaches a point where they can understand each other without even speaking.

“Yeah, kid, I’m okay”, Rex says, moments after Ahsoka has removed his inhibitor chip and essentially saved both their lives, all while putting herself at a great risk, just because she cares and she can’t do this on her own. In this moment, in his eyes, she is again the kid he first saw, scared about her friend, trying to prove that she can do it all on her own – this parallel is so important to me; she has never been in such a situation alone before, because she’s always had Rex, and now she’d almost lost him, after just reuniting with him; when for a split second there was something in his eyes that she’d never seen before, the only thing that saved her was Anakin and Rex’s training (shown in Tales of the Jedi). Anakin taught her how to fight enemies much stronger than herself, her brothers taught her how to defend herself, not knowing that she’d ever have to, especially not against them. It’s truly heartbreaking.

“Ahsoka, it’s all of us” – just seconds after she has saved him, Rex looks her in the eyes and apologizes for almost doing the undoable, for almost killing her, for being okay when she almost wasn’t. How would he ever live with himself, knowing that he betrayed his best friend? The animation has developed so much by this point, that in this last episode, it’s almost like watching real people acting, at least that’s how I’ve always felt; it feels real, the emotion is just so intense and so palpable – especially with this being the first time Rex says her name. She is his friend, she is the only one who cared enough to save him, thus saving herself, proving again and again her loyalty, the thing they have most in common. They understand each other like no one else can, they have been through everything together, and now, in these crucial moments, they have both proven it – she never gave up on him, she trusted him enough to save him, and in return, he is ready to follow her anywhere and die protecting her. From his own men. Barely awake, he’d reached for his blasters, shooting his own brothers to protect her, not even fully conscious yet. They are equal, they have become one through the Force, and if it wasn’t clear before, it is now – they are sticking together to the very end, no matter what they must do, no matter how. They are forever. Loyalty means everything to the clones.

This and what follows on the bridge of the ship as it’s coming down, are my favourite scenes from the series.

“I hate to tell you this, but they don’t care! This ship is going down, and those soldiers, my brothers are willing to die and take you and me along with them!”

Even though it’s animated, even though you can’t see his face, and the only thing is his desperate voice, you can feel the devastation when Rex utters these words, touching his chest, as he says “brothers” – he has always cared for them, his family, and has mourned every single loss, but now, when there is no other choice, he knows protecting Ahsoka is the most important thing there is – the mind-controlled clones can’t tell apart their own from a traitor, so what’s the point?

There is always a right choice – and Ahsoka proves it, when she gently removes his helmet, only to show what everyone but also no one suspected – Rex is crying, he is afraid and in pain, and she is the only thing he cares about. He’s lost so much; he can’t lose her too. But she always has a plan, and she is probably the only one who cares about the clones as much as him; they don’t need to explain themselves; she doesn’t want to be the one who is responsible for so much death; there’s been too much already. They have lived a life of war, facing death and loss every single day, and enough is enough. She wants to live, but not at the cost of murder. There is no doubt in her voice when she says that.

Burying brothers

What follows is truly devastating to watch – Rex facing his brothers, as a traitor in their eyes, as some of them stand before him, still wearing their helmets with Ahsoka’s Togruta design on them, the colours of the 501st closely resembling her lekku. They’d painted their armour as soon as they knew Ahsoka was coming back to them and they were getting their commander, and little sister back, their best friend, the only one who cares enough to remember all their names, who never turned her back on them, even now, when they are against her, she still tries to save as many of them as possible; she’s been the one whose hand they’ve reached to when dying, their last memory on this world her face, her bright eyes, full of life and care, her presence calming them in the face of the inevitable, as she will have to do now as fell, at the very end.

How must it feel to lose everything you’ve fought and hoped for, in a span of hours? Palpatine’s plan is truly ingenious. The war might have ended, but only on the outside; a much larger, much more painful fight has begun, inside, for Rex and Ahsoka, who now have to navigate a life they haven’t ever considered; they may have wondered what life after the war might be like, but not like this, never like this; not as heroes, not even as fighters – as traitors in the eyes of their most beloved brothers and the new control of the Empire. But they choose to fight until the end, crashing down, falling with the cruiser together, hand in hand; the parallel of them hanging on to each other in the hanger is precisely mirroring the moment of Anakin and Obi-Wan trying to push each other away during their legendary fight on Mustafar, which is happening at the exact same time. But these two don’t let go, they simply cannot face losing each other, not now, not after all of this. They’ve fought for years, so many battles, losing track of what the fights are about – but this last one is clear; they are fighting for each other. And when they are the only survivors, they take to bury their brothers, and grieve the colossal loss side by side, silently watching, because there aren’t words to describe what they feel, and it’s not necessary, so they don’t speak. They know.

"I don’t want to bury any more of our brothers."

The devastation and sheer exasperation we hear in Rex’s voice when he says this much later, in The Bad Batch, when talking about the inhibitor chips nonetheless, is all we’ll ever need to know about him. Laying low after the end of the war, separating from Ahsoka, believed to be dead; in fact – being dead to the world in every sense, this is the choice he makes. He’s witnessed almost all his closest friends dying, he’s lost his general, he doesn’t have a purpose and a goal anymore; he has to deal with the realization that the war is over, but it ended at way too high a price, and he’s a soldier – he will fight every day, until the end, because it’s all he knows. He’s the most loyal soldier, survived Order 66 at the highest price there could ever be, and he can’t lose more. He wants to keep fighting, and he will, but not to lose. Rex doesn’t want to feel this awful feeling of loss, not ever again.

The same goes for Ahsoka – even though she quits the order and never officially finishes her training, the Jedi life is the only one she’s ever known, so her path even after leaving, after the war ends, and after she separates from Rex, is one lead by the code to a large extent, even if done so unconsciously. She claims to not be a Jedi when she faces her master as Vader in Rebels, wanting to avenge him; but she doesn’t end up doing it, she can’t possibly kill Anakin. So, she goes on, living in this middle ground – she is not truly a Jedi, but what else could she be? She has led her troops in many battles, fought by their side; even when they didn’t have to, they still called her commander, as loyal to her as ever; recognizing that she stood by them, even held them as they died.

When The Resolute crashes after Order 66, we are aware that her and Rex took every single one of their fallen brothers, buried them, and displayed their helmets, putting Jesse at the very front, the one who’d wanted to kill them the most at the end. But they know better, it was not him, not after literal moments before that he almost went insane from Maul’s questioning because he didn’t want to betray Ahsoka; he deserved a recognition, even in death. Every single one of them did, and Rex and Ahsoka gave it to them. She lets go now of her lightsaber, the Jedi weapon that bears her identity, and lays it to rest next to the fallen soldiers, because she doesn’t want to have any more connections to this war, there’s been enough fighting. She dies here too – for what it’s worth, she fell with the clones. I can’t imagine how traumatising and terrible it felt, pulling body after body out of the debris. For both of them.

Brother after brother.

***

No matter what I say, or how much I write, I don’t think I will ever be able to express properly what this world and this series in particular mean to me. Of course I love all things Star Wars, but The Clone Wars will always hold a very special and exceptional place among them. It is a unique feeling, one I cannot put a word on, it feels too big for me, as if there is some kind of a boundary that is at the verge of explosion, it’s holding so much emotion, and there isn’t enough space for it inside. Perhaps it’s the depth and the exploration of the clones, their relationships, the empathy their lives evoke – creatures bred for war, individuals barely recognized in life. But still human, as Rex and Ahsoka remind us of the entire time – especially when we see them watching the arranged helmets of their dead brothers – the clones have not been just pawns, they are people; people who died for a cause they couldn’t have any say in. Their lives were not their own; but Ahsoka’s life wasn’t her own either. This is the tragedy of The Clone Wars, but there’s also an ironic beauty about it – Ahsoka wouldn’t have had her master or her best friend, if it wasn’t for the war. It’s a story about the philosophy of choice, hope, good and evil of course, friendship and loyalty. Victory and its highest cost, death; the consequences after a life spent fighting, which no one usually thinks about.

When the final shot rolls and we see Vader’s ominous figure step on to the same place where Ahsoka and Rex were last, as he digs his apprentice’s lightsaber and holds it, we realize what the moral of the story is. We see Anakin’s eyes behind Vader’s mask, and we feel the cold he feels – he ended up alone after all, after all his trying, he had an army, he led troopers, he cared for an apprentice, but he lost them all. He won the war, but he would rather have died with his friends – who he doesn’t know are still alive, and they don’t know what happened to him either; instead of being their enemy. But the time for choosing is over, and there is no going back for him now.

His reflection hits the clone helmet, and we see the image of Anakin, walking away from Ahsoka and Rex.

It doesn’t end with the war; it begins with it.

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

it's hard to imagine that if they actually dated she would be posting bts content from 2020 to prove it. like she would have to have something she took herself. she has been stoking these rumors for years and she has yet to show something that proves they have ever even met irl. i hope the rumor that he moved out before enlisting is true because this is getting old.

"she has been stoking these rumors for years and she has yet to show something that proves they have ever even met irl." Exactly, yeah.

There was someone yesterday or the day before who sent an ask arguing in favor of every story she posted the other day and how she couldn't have possibly gotten those from anywhere else when she very much could've. All I'm gonna say is people have literally worn Jimin's fake love outfits because somehow fans got a hold of it, and someone was able to get his mail from BTS own home. Also, when that guy posted the heart jikook photo and some other Jimin photo from Japan in like 2018/2019, everyone immediately and unanimously agreed that he couldn't possibly be their friend anymore because if he was he wouldn't have posted those photos. And I agreed with that because I've also seen how Jimin seems to handle his personal relationships and to keep their exposure to a minimum. We don't even see social media posts with sungwoon or saeon who are also somewhat public figures.

But I really don't care about "debunking" any of it, I think the back and forth between "this is legit proof" and "that isn't legit proof" is stupid and annoying.

I've been told before stuff like why do you get so defensive about it but it's not defensiveness. It's annoyance because I really seriously geniunely don't care if it's real or not, and it's annoying that people want me so bad to care. Like why does it matter??? I don't have that parasocial of a relationship with Jimin, but have those anons stopped to think they might have a parasocial relationship with ME? Because I really can't understand why they want me to care so bad.

Last December, I was on holidays right, and I sleep with my phone next to my bed and the phone vibrated like three or four times in a row and it woke me up (I have really light sleep). I checked it and it was just before 7am and the phone had been vibrating because of tumblr notifications. I opened them and it was I SWEAR like 3 or 4 messages recounting every single instagram story the actress had ever posted or some shit. I blocked that anon immediately. Nothing had even happen!!!! That person just felt like obsessing over this woman's instagram and that was it. So they had to come and give me all their "proof" and accusing me for not believing in it.

I've also realized how much ammo she gets by doing these slight, sneaky """reveals""" because it's actually what gets people talking more than they would if she just posted a photo of Jimin sitting on the toilet. People post her stories, then go check them, then check her comments, a couple of hours later they check to see if she's deleted them, etc etc. All while others on twitter were sharing the stories left and right and comparing it with the bangtan bomb and trying to decipher if it was really Jimin behind that flower emoji.

So, yeah that's really it. Also not directed to you, but to some other people. Don't ask me or expect me to care... I might've cared years ago when I still believed Jimin and Jungkook were a thing but I've been saying more like two years already that they're not fucking each other, so there's literally no reason at all for Jimin dating to ever affect me. And even when I did believe they were fooling around, I never ever said "they're totally in a committed exclusive real relationship and have been married since 2015" because I've never believed that.

I've been a fan of Harry Styles since I was 15 years old and it has never bothered me to see him making out in public with the whole lineup of Victoria Secret's models because I've just never been that person. So even if it wasn't the reaction people expected me to have, you're just gonna have to believe me when I say Jimin dating rumours do not bother me.

Lastly and I really doubt I'll be addressing this topic again unless something really significant happens, there really isn't necessary "proof" for me to take this seriously. I just don't have enough information to believe in this rumour and that's just it. I'm not going to be thinking harder and trying to connect barely-there dots for someone else. If there is something there, or there was at some point in the past, I'm gonna need taennie level of proof.

[haemosexuality]

why are so many adventure time fans just straight up stupid. about how stories work. and i dont even mean kids i mean like adult fans just with the absolutely dumbest takes

[secretlythatsme]

anyway, i think my hot take regarding the whole canon vs fanon thing for the dpxdc fandom is that fanon is fine but it also gets boring. there's a reason why 90% of the dpxdc creative content feels exactly the same. i'm not trying to like,, shit on anyone's work, but so many of these fics are very, very similar in plot and dynamics. and that's a product of the fact that most of the fandom doesn't actually know anything about dc.

if you're relying solely on fandom osmosis to learn about the characters and events, then you end up missing out on a lot. it's not Bad, but it's basically the footnotes. the sparknotes. the starred review compared to the actual book. you aren't getting a lot, is what i'm saying. and that's why so much of the content feels exactly the same! it's because everyone is getting their info from the same decade old jokes. so creative work ends up blending into each other because the creators don't actually have anything else to work with (because they don't Know anything else) so they rely on the same five fanon jokes and headcanons that they do know.

as a dc fan, i Do encourage dpxdc fans to look into dc and read the comics and be more active on the dc side of things, not because fanon is inherently Bad, but because it opens up so many more avenues for creativity. i'd love to see people talk about danny fighting evil vampire nightwing or going on missions with karen or having fun with kara. but most dp fans don't even know characters outside of the most popular 10 and know even less about any of the plots or universes. so like, it's not exactly a surprise that every fic sounds the same. and like. does that not get boring to you guys?