#living paycheck to paycheck! i can’t afford to miss work!

[palms-upturned]

.

[mistprints]

9 to 5 is an insane amount of the day spent working. We just aren’t being paid enough to work fewer hours because we aren’t paid what our work is worth. Bigger companies hide behind small ones with the “we can’t all afford to pay workers fairly” excuse. Well then the business fails at being profitable because workers’ wages are not margins you can cut to be profitable.

And then the big corporations spend obscene amount of money bribing politicians to make sure things stay this way: that minimum wage stays below cost of living so people are forced to work often multiple jobs just to survive, keeping them desperate and forced to work jobs with poor wages.

Education advancement is a potential major debt that many people cannot afford or risk even to get into the highest paying industries. Not all school systems are created equal due to budget cuts and poor, outdated standards, putting many students at a disadvantage for college already. People who would be amazing teachers are dissuaded by the state of these schools and the lack of support they get. It is one of the most important jobs of society and much like many vital services, is taken for granted.

We pretend the threat of homelessness is only for people who are “undesirable” and just didn’t want to work when in reality, many people are one missed paycheck away from being out on the street due to predatory housing situations and unchecked landlords that can give as little as a week’s notice for eviction if not less in some places.

“Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” is an old saying that’s been twisted. It’s an impossible task. That’s what it means. It’s a tongue in cheek saying that’s been mockingly turned into a political statement and I think the people using it know that people aren’t going to look it up or know this. You cannot pull yourself up by them, you need help.

Society works when we rely on the group. That’s how all civilizations have worked. Others have fallen for not doing this or for doing so poorly with too many people at the bottom of the ladder holding it up (capitalism relies on this to function). Social programs have always been a facet of this and grouping it all into one big negative buzzword drives me insane.

The fire department is a social program. It’s free to call them and it’s paid for by the city because the rich decided that a poorer neighbor’s house fire was a risk to their property and so there should be someone that handles that without costs to an individual that would deter them calling for help. Same with 9-1-1 (unless of course if the person is in the US and needs a personal ambulance ride. Then they’ll charge thousands).

All I’m saying is with the state of the majority of people in the U.S., we could stand to have more support beams to help out before it collapses around us.

People are reaching a breaking point and this stress test of how much they’ll take (costs rising while what you get decreases and wages remaining stagnant; the growing population of homelessness and their solutions being to make homelessness illegal; cuts to people’s rights to their own body by people who are not doctors and should not have anything do to with it but want political points to remain in power by voters who are too uneducated to know better—again, keeping the populous too tired and poorly educated to realize the branching issues with this outside of their narrow-minded ideals they want to force on everyone else) won’t end well.

These problems all branch from a source. That source is always, ultimately, corrupted people in power, driven by money. They are shortsighted and only care about their own benefits. And by letting them, believing their lies and keeping them in power blinded by promises that are at best empty and at worst detrimental, it’s making this world a lot worse to live in for the rest of us. Even if the consequences haven’t reached you directly yet, we are already seeing what happens in this Tragedy of the Commons situation with the greed of a few.

We have to stop people from being able to exploit it. There needs to be laws in place that even the rich are subject to for this to ever work.

[allthecanadianpolitics]

The corporation I work for got hacked a couple days ago. It’s a huge Canadian chain and I think they’re keeping it quiet because I can’t find anything about it online except for a video from a random youtuber and a couple articles about people not being able to get their medication from the pharmacies due to a “computer problem”. It’s a pretty big deal. We’re not allowed to access our computers or any of our systems aside from Point of Sale stuff. We were supposed to get paid on Thurs 10 but now we don’t know if that’s gonna happen. The Sunday openers couldn’t send our hours to Payroll like usual. I cannot afford to miss this paycheck. I have $19 in my bank account and I’m the only one in my household with any income. I’m almost out of gas, we’re running low on food, my internet bill is due, and my hydro will be on the 15th. I also need to go to the hospital to get a prescription for anti-biotics for an infection that I’ve been ignoring because I don’t have money for meds. There’s no way I can make this stretch for 2 1/2 weeks more. My boyfriend said I could demand a physical check but I know my manager was having trouble getting a hold of Payroll to fix my new assistant managers pay, so I’m scared they wouldn’t even answer me. It would probably have to be mailed anyway. I live in BC, does anyone know of any support I could get if my paycheck doesn’t come? I’ve never struggled this hard before and I don’t know how to navigate support systems. I really need help.

~~~~

[bigskydreaming]

Like, I am very conscious of the aid people have given me and try not to ask any more than is absolutely necessary because I do not enjoy asking for charity like at ALL. But I am less than a year out from when I had a twenty thousand dollar (out of pocket) surgery to address a longterm disability caused by a gaybashing when I was nineteen and that flared up about seven years ago and caused constant, daily migraines, chronic pain and other issues that limited my ability to work while I spent the next six years doing literally everything I could to save up for that surgery while maintaining an expensive as fuck insurance plan that was the only option for getting the surgery DOWN to that ‘manageable’ price tag in the first place. Between that and the costs of just staying alive for those six years, even with e-begging and lots of help from people, I wiped out every cent of my savings and put myself in massive debt and tanked my credit as that was the literal only way I could afford that surgery and regain a decent quality of life. I STILL don’t even have fucking TEETH because every single one had to be pulled in order to do the surgery since to realign my jaw properly, I needed an even bite and after years of destroying my teeth every time I used one side of my face and one side only to do my best to chew and eat food, pulling every single one of my teeth and getting as-literally-cheap-as-possible-dentures instead of trying to repair my teeth first was quite literally the only real option without further dragging out the surgery timeline because I was basically bedridden by the time I actually did get it. After years without being able to work regularly, my ability to go back to my old careers are basically nil and I’ll have to start over from scratch - when I can even afford to - as in the meanwhile, my job options were limited by having a years out of date resume and pretty much all of my paycheck does go to managing my debt, trying to rebuild my credit, and basic cost of living while scrounging together pennies to try and save up now for the many bone graft surgeries I’ll need if I ever want to get teeth implants instead of relying on dentures for the next several decades. So yeah, I ask for help, mostly just when I don’t have money left over for food or the couple hundred dollars I spend monthly in meds because lmao, my various neurodivergencies don’t really help with all of that and I literally can’t afford to go off my meds or miss my regular schedule with them without risking everything I HAVE managed to pull together in terms of routine and income-generating ability.

So do I enjoy e-begging? Fuck no. Am I constantly trying to figure out better ways to supplement my income? Hell yeah. I’ve been trying to put together things like a patreon where people actually get something in exchange for money sent my way, for like, months and months but when I’m not working I’m fucking exhausted because grinding nonstop for six years through constant chronic pain and stress with zero days off will do that to a guy, and I haven’t exactly been able to kick back and enjoy myself even since the surgery. 

And I do my best not to put shit like that on my posts and just keep things to the bare minimum because not only do I not love dwelling on all that, I’m genuinely not trying to guilt people into anything or play the sympathy or pity card because when you used to pride yourself on being independent and self-reliant pretty much from the age of ten because your family taught you from an early age not to rely on anyone but yourself, it’d take even more therapy than I have now to actually be okay with the fact that I’d probably be dead by now without the kindness of internet strangers having helped me stay alive at times when I hadn’t eaten in days because I was busy keeping a roof over my head instead.

But sure, random internet anons - my little post about asking for $5 or $10 is an attempt to make people feel bad about getting blue checkmarks or their financials in general, as opposed to whatever that was.

[alyjojo]

Thinking of You - August 🏖️ 2024 - Libra

Whole of their energy towards Libra: The Moon

Feelings: Queen of Pentacles

Intentions: 8 Cups rev

Actions: 7 Swords

Character Card: The Runaway 🏃

This person can’t get it together financially, and they don’t know why or what can be done about it. There’s a feeling of panic with them, or living paycheck-to-paycheck. This could be someone recently divorced, or your ex if that’s your situation. They act like they have it together but really they don’t, they’re kinda falling apart and can’t manage everything on their plate, the feeling of anxiety and chaos is at 1000% 🤯 If you’ve recently ended it with this person, they’re having a hard time with the day to day stuff, the finances and practicalities, kids if applicable, that kind of thing. Juggling work & home, there’s a lot on this person’s shoulders. They intend to just pop in on you. It could be a kid too, divorced parents, or the other parent just drops the kid off with no communication between you.

Or if this is someone who habitually bails and comes back, they’re coming back again (surprise?). They don’t know you’ve had a hard time without them or you don’t know that about them, could be someone else too like family or friend - idk how it’s being presented exactly but they’re avoiding something and keeping it quiet. Until things are more stable, or you trust them again or they get their family back, this could go a number of ways. They want the stability of whatever you two have to be the first priority. If these are ex’s then one definitely wants the other back but isn’t being upfront with that - they play games. Or if this is the ex they’re just done and avoiding you because of that. Running from you, avoiding. If you’re struggling, they can’t face it, they aren’t accountable for things or they are but they won’t look directly at it, deal with you, etc. Or they pop in and avoid addressing the larger problem, expecting you to just be a happy unit of whatever you are, but there’s way more going on with them.

Messages:

- You’re not the only one they’ve played.

- I won’t go backwards, only forwards.

Possible signs:

Heavy earth 🌏 Aries, Aquarius, Pisces, Capricorn & Virgo

If you’re dealing with:

3 Wands & Queen of Swords rev mirrors the 3 Wands in your reading. You could have a volatile tongue or speak in a vicious or confrontational way, it’s like people walk on eggshells around you. Or you may do that with others. I get people being afraid to talk about things with you because of what you’ll say/do, or you are this way with others - either way there’s not much open communication. Or you think people are mad at you.

Aries - jumping “all in” to a situation they can’t afford financially - or doesn’t want to be alone so they’re jumping into a new relationship

Taurus - gives up on this because it’s not stable and shows no sign of becoming stable

Gemini - feels they’ve gotten the closure they’ve needed

Cancer - deliberated too long, missed their chance & it’s not going anywhere now /switch

Leo - clearing the air about a difficult situation

Virgo - is around long enough to get a job done and then they’re back to Hermit-mode, could be this person

Libra - coming back around, they don’t want this to end or it’s not over

Scorpio - has not healed, is not getting better, is increasingly more pissed off & bitter actually, could do something ornery to show it 🖕

Sagittarius - bails on you or something doesn’t work out and they won’t/don’t give a reason for it

Capricorn - getting impatient with dating or you if this is a new fling, they want loving things or romantic gestures please 🥰

Aquarius - a romantic love that is or has been manipulated, someone’s a player or likes attention from other people

Pisces - setting firm boundaries and taking action due to a broken heart, or you are

[mushroomwillow]

I should be staying home today. And probably tomorrow and the day after. I’m on a fourth round of antibiotics sense the year started. Whatever I have isn’t going away. This final round I’ve been told if it doesn’t knock out whatever I have, I have to see a specialist.

Idk if I’ve ever been so tired. My throat, ears, and eyes hurt so bad that I barely notice my usual chronic pain areas. I have next to no energy. I barely have an appetite. If I could I’d sleep for weeks to months at this point.

But I can’t miss anymore work. I can’t afford it. Working until I’m on the verge of collapsing isn’t a good idea but I cannot afford to miss work. We don’t make enough to live off one paycheck.

[noblesandsstories]

Cold

AN: It's been a hot minute since I've written anything, and then suddenly one of the Muses or Apollo smacked me with this. I would not consider this proofread by any means, so proceed with caution and enjoy the fluffy goodness. (Fun fact: As I write this my area is under a severe snow warning and we're expecting to be frozen in. Irony!)

Pair: Jasper (MasoKitty OC) x Ophelia (My OC)

Warnings: Fluff (scawy), light (?) angst, hurt/comfort, first kiss, mentions of traumatic past, let me know if I missed some

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ophelia wasn’t paying too much attention to the state of the apartment when she let Jasper in. She was honestly too caught up in her damn research paper to notice that it wasn’t quite up to snuff in many respects.

But the moment Jasper walked in and visibly flinched and shivered, she realized she might have overlooked some stuff.

“Shit, baby,” Jasper practically rasped out, voice snatched by pure shock. “It’s colder in here than outside.”

She was already putting one of the throw blankets she had lying around over his shoulders, not even bothering to let him take his coat off.

“I know, sorry. I should have had you come over another time. I didn’t make enough at work this past paycheck so I had to figure out what to prioritize. I felt like I could survive without heat, so I turned it down, but then the cold spike came through…” She paused, catching her breath. “You can go home. I get it, it’s rough.”

It looked like Jasper was in shock, then his face turned into something sterner.

“Baby, you can’t live in this. You’ll get sick.” She went to speak, but he held his hand up, stopping her from replying. “There’s no room for debate. Now, where’s the thermo-?”

“Jasper, no. I-,” Ophelia interrupted, stopping when his head whipped around so fast, she worried he hurt himself. (She never realized till that moment she didn’t tell him no very often) “I can’t afford the bill.” She realized how pathetic she sounded, quickly following with, “I’ll be fine! I grew up in Montana, remember? I'm used to the cold.”

With every word she said, Jasper looked more and more like he might have an aneurism. “Love, just because you are used to it, doesn’t mean that it is how it should be. I’ll help pay for it, if you nee-“

“I can’t ask that of you,” she blurted, eyes wide. “That’s not-“

“You are not asking. I am telling. This is final. Do not make me repeat myself. Where’s the thermostat?”

Ophelia’s mouth betrayed her brain. “It’s in the kitchen.” Did she just say that?

Whatever mental lashing she was about to dish muted at the sight of his smile. “There’s a good girl. Now, you go grab your schoolwork and bring it to the table out here.”

Her brain practically purred at his words, body moving before she could think.

He always did that to her, with honeyed words and well-placed compliments, she was putty in his hands. She couldn’t refuse him. And he knew it.

But she realized he never abused this power he held above her. The only times he went explicitly against her will was when he felt like she wasn’t taking care of herself properly. Almost like he felt some kind of responsibility to take her in his arms and personally see to her care and comfort.

And she liked it. She liked feeling like she didn’t have to watch her back, because he was. Like he would take care of anything that could hurt her. Like he truly treasured her.

Ophelia had put her laptop and books down pretty roughly on the table, fighting every bit of emotion she was feeling back with a broom.

Jasper moved around the small wall dividing the kitchen and living room/dining space, two mugs of something in his hands, and Ophelia realized she wasn’t going to hide it in time. Maybe she didn’t want to.

He stopped dead in his tracks when he looked at her, and for a second the room was still. Until the first tear left her eye.

Jasper was right in front of her in an instant, the mugs gone from his hands, which were now caressing her cheeks.

“No no, baby don’t cry, please. What’s wrong?” His voice was soft, like silk brushing across her heart, making the squeeze it caused feel less painful.

She choked, suffocating over her words and emotions, unable to say anything for a long moment before she finally sputtered out some miserable words.

“You love me.”

She felt the air in her lungs halt, brain barely processing the words she just said. Only able to focus on his beautiful amber eyes that seemed to read into her soul, find the shattered pieces of herself, and pull them out of her so he could kiss it better.

Those eyes that now looked so sad, that she could scream at herself for hurting them.

“Ophelia, did you not believe me till now?” It was the first time she ever heard him sound so…weak. She wanted to deny it, to take it all back. But she didn’t.

She shook her head and attempted to speak. “No one’s ever- Not like this-“

She cracked, tears flowing freely after her pathetic confession. Pain and joy and sorrow and love all swirling within her like a typhoon.

Jasper didn’t say anything. He just pulled her close, letting her bawl into him like she was a child, slowly guiding her to the couch. He sat down, pulling her with him and cradling her to his chest, her face buried into his shoulder and his rested on her head.

And there he held her for what could have been minutes or hours, Ophelia couldn’t tell. She was feeling the room start to warm up subtly, which, of course, made her cry harder at the reminder of everything that had happened. But soon the warmth and Jaspers touch brought a soothing comfort that she hadn’t felt since the first time the cold felt so painful, when she was so young.

When she was locked in the shed outside her foster home for the sin of curiosity, denied food and a blanket. She probably would’ve died, if it wasn’t for Dee pulling out the old window and sneaking in with a blanket.

A wave of longing hit at the thought of her sister, causing her tears, which were receding, to flow once more.

Thump

Both Ophelia and Jasper looked over to see Thacker sitting by the couch, staring up at them.

“Let me up.”

Ophelia tried to move to pick him up, but her position on Jaspers lap made it tricky. Not to mention she was half blinded by tears and felt as if she was in a daze.

Jasper nudged her back into place and maneuvered himself to reach for the rabbit, who, to Ophelia’s utter shock, let himself get picked up. Jasper placed him in Ophelia’s waiting arms.

Thacker maneuvered himself to where their chests were along each other, his heart beating over hers. His lungs released heavy, controlled breaths, and with each exhale she felt her emotions even out, no longer overwhelming her.

With the fading of the emotions and memories of the past, came clairvoyance of the present. And Ophelia realized quite quickly she made herself look like a damn fool.

She shot her head up so fast she nearly missed whacking Jasper in the face. As she looked him in the eye, she felt her face flush with embarrassment.

Sure she’s had her moments in front of him before, but by the gods, she just bawled in his arms because he cares about her. What sane person does that?

Jasper's laugh, smooth and rich and warm, brought her attention back to him.

“You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed, you know that?” He teasingly flicked her nose. “Even though you don’t need to be. I know what you’re about to start on about. So sit silent and listen.”

“You are my partner. Me listening to your problems, taking care of you, drying your tears are all part of the job. And I want to do these things for you. I want you to be the best you can be and I want to support that as best as I can. Because you’re right. I do love you. And I want to show it as much as I can.”

If Ophelia hadn’t spent the past gods know how long crying, she probably would have teared up again. But instead…

“Can I…”

She spoke so softly, Jasper had to move himself closer to hear her.

“Can I kiss you?”

Ophelia’s chest tightened, studying Jasper's face. But he only smiled gently.

“Sweetheart, you never have to ask.”

Ophelia had never kissed anyone, hardly knew how it worked. She was hoping it was as easy as it looked on the few movies and shows she’d seen.

She leaned into him, lifting her head to look him dead in the face. He was watching her intently, not moving an inch. She mustered up her courage, and shortened the distance, connecting her lips to his.

Her heart melted, swooning at the feeling of him against her. Her body, as if on instinct, moved to grasp onto his arms, using him as a tether to this reality. This marvelous reality that she never wanted to leave.

Jasper subtly leaned back, breaking the kiss gently and bringing his hand up to cup her jaw. Their eyes met, and Ophelia did her best to not to show that she was quite disgruntled with the end to their moment.

“Well, baby,” he purred, his voice in his lower register, the sound making her spine shiver, “Was it good for your first kiss?”

Of course he’d figure it out.

She nodded, burying her face in his shoulder to hide her blush, to which Jasper laughed.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” he cooed, gently cupping her face and moving it to where he could see her. “There you are. My pretty girl.”

Ophelia went light headed at the praise, subconsciously nuzzling her face in his hand. She came back to Earth fast enough to see something dark shining in his eyes quickly go away, as he began to maneuver her off his lap so he could stand.

“I'm pretty sure the tea I made for you has gotten cold, but I’ll heat it back up for you. Go ahead and get your school work out while I fix it. And you may want to take your jacket off. Seems like the heat kicked on.”

Ophelia watched him disappear into the kitchen, trying to uncover what emotion he just pressed away a second ago.

“Maybe you should keep him around.”

Ophelia looked back to Thacker, who was no longer snuggling but sitting in her lap, staring at her.

“Why’s that?” She whispered.

“He’s reasonable enough to turn the heat on during a freeze warning.”

He jumped out of her lap and began to head over to his “room” (a closet she repurposed), but before he went away she heard one last thing.

“He makes you feel safe.”

[jujujournal]

The H's

It’s Christmas eve day. I signed up to work a few hours tonight. That will be the first part of my ‘socializing’ for the holidays. The second part will be tomorrow night - when I signed up for another short shift. New Years day has a full shift available - but it’s in a facility and I don’t know that I really want to do that. I’ve learnt that I don’t particularly like working in a facility. I prefer the autonomy and one on one of hospice and home health. This is a weird time of year for me. I long to be with family and friends but if invited I would likely say no. I don’t want the stress of carrying on conversations and dealing with everyones’ drama. The weather here is out of the teens - I know we will get another cold snap before it’s all said and done but I am grateful for the reprieve.  So glad I bought my electric fireplace, I can only imagine how cold it would have gotten in here without it. I want more but I have so much more than many others.

The morning before the arctic temps blew in I sat here absolutely horrified knowing there are people living on the streets that would have nowhere safe to get in out of the literally life threatening temperatures. My friends and coworkers offered all the platitudes and comforts of the city offering warming stations and how the salvation army is open 24/7. That’s right, they’ve never been touched by homelessness - they don’t understand that that isn’t enough. 

People with pets won’t be allowed in shelters. People not in areas of warming stations don’t have the option to hop in their car and drive there. I can pass out blankets and hot drinks and try to make myself feel as though I’ve done a small part, but it won’t change what I know - that there are men, women, and children out there without access to any of these  assistances that are being offered. So there is the contradiction of me, I want to do more to help but I don’t trust people so I can’t/won’t open my home to them. I don’t have fancy things to steal, but I have my peace and I have my pets and those are the things most precious to me. I have adult children whom I’d give anything for but they don’t live here so are not part of that decision making equation. So what do I do?  Donate to shelters? Yea, I know someone who stayed at a homeless shelter one night. He left his bag of belongings in the courtyard and the facility threw them away. They didn’t take the clothes and wash them for those who might need them, they didn’t hold them so that someone who had nothing could reclaim them, they threw them away - all while begging for donations. I can’t wrap my head around that. Drive around and pass out supplies - I do, at least as much as I can afford, which is really less than a drop in a bucket when you look at the grand scheme of things. Not to mention time constraints, if you get there ‘too late’ they can’t help. They have curfews - I get it, but that doesn’t help people who miss the cutoff. Check in is 7pm - 10pm, and you have to be out by 7am. Even if you make the cutoff and they have room for you there are still 12 hours a day you have to keep yourself safe. Homeless aren’t welcomed in most places so that means on the streets, but not too close to a home or business because then they are loitering.

I’m not saying that some people haven’t landed themselves in these situation but making poor life choices - but a lot of them haven’t. SO many people out there are just one paycheck away from being at risk for homelessness.They aren’t bad people, they aren’t drug addicts, they aren’t wasting money on electronics, gambling, etc. They’re working full time jobs struggling to make ends meet. Cast all the accusation you want and make all the excuses you need to for your lack of compassion: there are programs to help, they should have gone to college to get a higher paying job, etc. As far as I am concerned you are only giving yourself justification and an excuse to not care.  I see people on street corners begging, and I sometimes roll down my window and offer what I have - be in a little cash, food, jackets, blankets, bottled water, whatever - but then I’ve seen those people throw away anything that isn’t cash and drive off in their cars and head for their homes. Now that isn’t on me, that’s on them. That’s their karma. I don’t understand though how you can have a roof over your head, food for your belly, and stand on a corner stealing from those who truly need help - making people second guess helping at all because they don’t know whether the person asking for help truly needs it or is just another scam artist. I disassociate, I turn off my emotions to a large degree, I am guilty of those things, but I can’t turn off my compassion. I cannot see someone with less and think how easy it would be to take from them so I would have more. I was reading through a page in my local area that helps homeless folks, specifically a post on social media. A comment caught my eye “Look at all that debris”. This person didn’t see the struggle, didn’t see the people camping under old carpets trying to stay safe and warm, they only saw the debris. Is it horrible that their is filth and trash, of course it is. But how is it not worse that there are people that this is their best option?!?!

[scarlettriot]

Along for the Ride PT 1

Pairing: KirishimaxF!Reader

Summary: A drunken mistake had you marking the little Plus One box to your snobby cousin's wedding. Kirishima told you not to worry, if you couldn't find a date, he'd go with you. When the wedding gets moved up, there's absolutely no time to find a date and you're now about to be traveling to America with Kirishima on a private jet no less, dreading having him meet your rude and impossibly arrogant family.

Contains: Kirishima and Reader both come from very well-off families. Plus-Sized Reader. Fluff. Hurt/Comfort.

Warnings: Kinda smutty for a minute. Minors DNI. Drunken Sex. TW: Manipulative Family Relationships. TW: Body Image Issues

A/N: This story has been rolling around in my head for a while now. I might rewrite this and repost. Or I might just post the whole thing soon. I dunno yet. It does get smuttier.

Word Count: 4,974

"What's up with Y/N?"

Eijiro stepped out of the locker room with a towel slung over his shoulder and made his way into the kitchenette where Mina was chugging a bottle of water before getting back to her patrol. His eyes were trained on their mutual friend out on the patio, pacing.

You had your phone pressed to your ear, the high neck of your hero costume unzipped to your collarbone and he noticed your gloves discarded on a chair.

"No clue." Mina shrugged. "She got back from patrol and she noticed a bunch of missed calls from her mom. She's been out there, flailing on the phone for the last fifteen minutes now."

The three of you had met in your second year at UA when you transferred into their class and were quickly accepted by their little squad of friends. You were a bit quiet at first but quickly found comfort in the group. Eijiro had grown especially close to you when you both interned with Fat Gum.

Late nights traveling on the train back to school, a few close calls while helping patrol, and days spent playing cards while you both healed up in the hospital left plenty of time for Eijiro to get to know you better than most. It was how he knew you had a pretty bad relationship with your family, why you hated returning home for the holidays almost as much as you hated any and all forms of tomatoes.

He considered going out there just to see if there was anything he could do but before he had the chance, you were sliding the glass door open. "Oh, good, you're back." He offered you a bottle of water for your throat that he assumed was sore after that argument. "I- um- can I borrow you for a second? Alone?"

Mina snorted a laugh. "If you guys wanna bang it out on the counter you can just say so. I gotta go to work anyways."

Eijiro threw the towel at her as she left the room leaving you two alone. "What's goin' on?"

You hoisted yourself up on the countertop while he leaned against the fridge. "You remember my cousin's wedding that's happening this winter?"

He nodded. He vividly remembered the both of you getting waste a few weeks ago when you were filling out the RSVP and accidentally marking 'plus one'. Then you ran around trying to find White Out but he'd told you if you didn't find a date or have a significant other by the time of the wedding, he'd just go with you.

You argued that your family was bat shit crazy, had more money than they could spend in their lifetime and because of that, they were among some of the rudest people you knew, and you didn't want Eijiro or anyone else around that.

The thing was, Eijiro already knew that and was still okay with going. He came from money too. A lot of it. His family was just more welcoming than yours, the wealth never really going to their heads. But, he reminded you that he'd ran into enough people like those in your family that he knew how to handle them. You finally agreed to let him accompany you, leaving the plus one box checked but the name line blank.

"Well, my cousin just found out that surprise, she's pregnant! And, obviously, she can't have a wedding while seven months along so they've decided to move the wedding up to this weekend."

He nearly choked on his own spit. "This weekend? As in four days from now?"

"Yup! Saturday at 4 in the evening. Oh! No one's supposed to know she's pregnant either. So, I'm just supposed to compliment her on how flattering her dress looks, how thin she is," Your hands strangled the water bottle between them, "And I have to find something flattering to my figure because my mother has seen me in my hero outfit and she's so glad I wear a mask because if anyone knew her daughter ran around looking like I do, well, it'd ruin her!"

You massaged your temples circling back to the actual point, "Anyways, I just wanted to bitch for a sec and let you know you're off the hook since four days is just a little short notice and I told her my plus one wouldn't be able to get the time off that fast."

He pushed off the fridge. "Well, wait, hang on! I'm not letting you go in alone to deal with them! Hell no! You need backup!" You looked almost taken aback by his abruptness, "Yeah. I can work this out. Is the wedding at the same place it was supposed to be or has it moved?"

"No, it's still that fancy lodge in California. I was planning on leaving Friday morning and then coming back either Sunday night or Monday morning since my mother insists I go to their brunch the following day. But, Eijiro, I already have this weekend off..."

"Denki owes me a favor or twelve. He's supposed to be off this weekend too, I'll just see if he can cover me."

"And if he can't?"

"Then..." He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, "Y/N, am I feeling warm to you? I think I might be starting a fever!"

You folded your arms, shaking your head, "Thought you said lying isn't manly."

"Technically, correct. But, what would be real unmanly is for me to let you deal with your family's bullshit all alone." You watched him closely, "To be honest, I'm sure we could just explain you had a family thing come up and asked me to come along for moral support. I don't really think anyone would think twice about it. Hell, you took a few days off to console me when my turtle died suddenly!"

"Eiji, you refused to eat."

"And you brought me my favorite dumplings! Same thing!"

You might have shaken your head at him but your arms opened wide. The telltale sign you wanted affection. He walked forward, consuming you in a tight hug. Your arms latched around his neck, face buried in the hollow of his throat. "You're the best."

"I just do what I can."

>>><<<

You should have canceled. Instead of Eijiro faking sick to get out of work, you should have faked it with your mother so you didn't have to go in the first place. You crumpled to the floor of your bedroom in pure frustration amidst the twenty or so outfits and dozen pairs of shoes you'd thrown out of your closet trying to find something that your mother would deem appropriate.

It wasn't your fault you had a fuller figure. You worked out, ate right, not to mention your job kept you very active, and yet your, hips, ass, and breasts were by no means subtle.

Your mother had also insisted on the dress being floor-length and modern, "Do try not wearing all black. It's a wedding, not a funeral. And, get your hair looking natural, please." And, just like that, 70% of your wardrobe was out the window!

"It's open!" You called from the floor when the doorbell rang.

"You really should lock this." Mina tutted, walking through the door with a bag full of takeout.

"I do. At night."

"Honey, it's 9 PM."

"Night like bedtime."

Mina just rolled her eyes and walked into your tiny kitchen. "I see the dress hunt is going well."

"I actually figured it out!" You got off the floor, careful not to step on a heel as you made your way to the pink haired woman, "I'm just gonna go in my birthday suit. I figured, my mother made my body technically therefore she can't disapprove of it. Because, you know, she's never done anything wrong in her life!"

Your best friend snorted out a laugh and passed you the take-out container stuffed full of stir fry. "you're a wonderful person, you know that?" You loved the fact Mina didn't even have to ask what you wanted.

"If you'd just move closer to work then you could pick it up yourself and I wouldn't have to bring it to you."

"Too expensive." You declared after a mouthful. "You pay almost twice as much as I do per month and I just don't see the point. I have damn near the same amount of space you do for half the cost!"

You adored your small one-bedroom apartment. It was perfect. Right above a bakery that you visited each morning after your run and a little balcony that provided you with the most stunning view of the sunset.

"You and Kiri, I swear." Mina just shook her head and curled up with her food on the loveseat. "I thought he'd end up with the biggest house out of us all the moment we started making that real Pro money. You've seen his parent's house. It's massive! You could get lost in that place!"

Eijiro's place was barely bigger than your own. He lived in the same condo he had since you'd graduated UA, claiming it was perfect for him in each and every way. But, you knew that he donated a sizable amount of his paycheck every month to charities, the same as you. With savings to spare, neither of you saw the point in hoarding it and therefore the small condo was all he could afford with what he actually kept.

"Just don't understand how a guy that big can live in such a tiny little space. At least with you, it's you know, physically feasible."

Eijiro's bedroom was barely large enough to fit the king-sized bed the man needed to sleep comfortably and even then, his feet were dangerously close to dangling off the bed. And, as if the man's ears were burning, your cell phone went off under a pile of discarded shoes.

Shark-E: Figured out your dress situation? If not, I'm just gonna pack like ten different ties and hope for the best.

You: Yeah! I totally did! I'm just gonna wear this birthday suit I got and call it a night.

You chuckled at your own joke all over again. Watching the grey ellipses appear and then vanish, appear and vanish again. After a third time, you took pity on the man.

You: Joking, Ei. I still don't have it figured out but Mina's over so, hopefully, she can help.

Shark-E: Gonna give me a damn heart attack! Seriously, I wouldn't put it past you just to see the look on your mom's face. Tell Mina hi and good luck to you. I vote the dress from the Hero Gala two years ago.

You: Hi from Mina. Can't. Too much boobs.

Shark-E: You take that back right now! There is NEVER such a thing as too much boobs!

You chuckled to yourself, putting your phone down, and then finished off the last of your delicious dinner, thinking about the dress Eijiro mentioned.

You wondered if maybe there was a way you could make the thing work but it was so very low cut. So much tape had been used to make sure no slips happened but damn was it worth it! The beaded bodice with the sparkling long sleeves, gods, how you loved that dress.

"I'm inclined to agree with our shark boy. You're busty, who gives a damn. You looked hot as hell in that dress."

"My mother, that's who. As much as I'd like to not give a flying fuck what she thinks, for some dumb reason, I do. On top of her telling me that the amount of cleavage I would show would be vastly inappropriate for a wedding, she'd also say the way it hugs my hips makes them look too fat."

Mina rolled her eyes. "She's such a piece of work." Pushing herself up, she held her arms out to you, wiggling little pink fingers for you to take. "Come on then. Let's get you sorted."

"What about that one you wore to the charity art thingy with Kyoka last winter? The one with the silver top."

"Silver is too close to white." You called out from within your closet.

"What! Not true!"

"You know that. I know that. Every person with two brain cells knows that, which is why most of my family does not know that."

"Fine..." She whined and started sifting through the opposite end of your closet. "Oh, what about this?" Mina waved about the blue and green plaid skirt that made up your uniform from your middle school days when you lived in America. "Please try this on. I'm begging!"

You were pretty sure it wouldn't even go over your thighs anymore.

"It's got a better chance of fitting you!"

Mina threw it at you anyway. Slipping off the sweats you wore, somehow, someway, you were able to tug it on AND get it zipped, barely. It no longer covered your ass but you still enjoyed the way it swished around when you wiggled your hips.

"You could be fulfilling so many people's fantasies right now." Mina mused.

You pulled the skirt off and sweats back on, throwing the former back at her. "Yeah, you can take it and go fulfill Hanta's fantasies if you like. Not like I've got anyone to impress." You pulled down a dress you bought on sale a year ago but Mina was quick to dismiss it.

Too puffy, she said and then held up one that was from Momo. "I needed to get it shortened and I don't have time for that now."

"Wait..." She hummed and dropped the Momo dress. "I know what it should be!"

Mina hurried through the closet, grumbling about not finding it. "Just tell me which dress and I can tell you where it's at."

"It's that one you got for grad night and then you got sick and couldn't go!"

"Mina, Mina I can't wear that! That's actual vintage, not like, made-to-look-vintage!"

"But it's so elegant and has that off-the-shoulder sleeve thing. The wedding is at a damn sky lodge! It'll look so pretty in the snow! Ah! Found it!"

She yanked up the long, elegant gown from the garment bag you'd never removed it from. There wasn't a single wrinkle in the burgundy fabric. It looked just as beautiful as the day you found it in that second-hand store, on a mannequin with gaudy stage jewels that you just had to buy so the look was complete.

You ran the back of your hand over the velvety fabric, soft to the touch. "It'll be too tight now. If I was the same size I was at graduation-"

"Bullshit!" Mina cut you off with a dismissive hand, "You've got hips now. We aren't 18 anymore! It's not like it's some clubbing dress. And I bet no one would say a damn thing about your figure if they knew how easily you could crush them with those thighs!"

A smirk tugged at the corner of your lips. Without quirks, you gave every single one of your classmates a run for their money in hand to hand. Most were fairly easy to beat. You could usually take down Eijiro in about five or six minutes and Katsuki in half the time. Funny enough, it was Ochaco that gave you the hardest time.

"I'll consider it. But help me find something else just in case."

>>><<<

It was another two hours before you finally agreed on an a-line, empire waist green and gold number that had been the bridesmaid's dresses for Tetsutetsu's wedding. Mina thought they were a crime the first time they had to wear them, she had no idea what you were thinking.

That's why the moment you were preoccupied with trying to find yet another dress for the Sunday brunch, Mina pulled out her phone.

You: DO NOT, under any circumstances, allow Y/N to wear the green dress. She's bringing two because she can't decide. Red is the winner!

Jaws: Aw, come on. If she likes it, let her wear whatever she's comfortable in. She'll be under enough stress already.

You: Kirishima, it's the dress from Tetsu's wedding. The one that looks sparkly baby food.

It took him a second to respond.

Jaws: Alright. Understood. I thought you guys looked good but damn, she hated that dress.

You: We all did.

Mina looked at the message chain again and couldn't help but asked, "Are we just gonna ignore the fact that you and Eiji are flying all the way to America, last minute, to attend a wedding together, even though you're not together?"

"We've flown to the states before."

"For work!" She sat up eagerly. "This is different, Y/N! This is a date and not just a, like, casual date but a wedding date!"

You poked your head out of the closet. "No, it isn't. This is a friend helping another friend who stupidly mismarked an RSVP." You corrected very plainly but Mina wasn't one to give up so easily.

She whined, dragging out your name, "You guys have been doing this thing for ages. Why do you have to be so stubborn about it all!"

"What's that supposed to mean!"

Mina started ticking off points on her fingers. "He was the first person you opened up to at UA. You saved his life when he was busy saving Katsuki's life second year. You spent all that time interning together, became sidekicks together. Went to America together for three whole months, ALONE, and you honestly expect me to think there's nothing between the two of you!"

The truth of it all was simple really; 17 year old you had a massive crush on Eijiro Kirishima. He was sweet, always listening to you, providing comfort when you needed it, and always encouraging you to push your limits. He was bright and honest, a little slow in the head from time to time but that made him all the more endearing.

He was also head over heels in love with Katsuki Bakugo.

It was why you never made a move. Never spoke a word of the feelings you harbored. You didn't dare to cross that line with him because you couldn't ever hold a candle to the explosive man.

In the three years Eijiro and Katsuki spent together, your brain finally started registering Eijiro as just a friend, nothing more, and certainly nothing less. You thought your heart had followed suit but it was becoming more and more apparent that wasn't the case. Because the night he showed up at your door, tears in his ruby eyes, every lock you put on your heart broke open.

The same way you couldn't hold a candle to Katsuki, Eijiro couldn't hold one to Izuku. You knew exactly what he was feeling even if you never intended to tell him. Too overcome with fear. If Katsuki came back... that'd be it. Eijiro would go back and you wouldn't even blame him!

Still, the redhead consumed a decent chunk of your heart though, you couldn't deny that after the three months you spent together in America, gathering intel on a smuggling ring, living in the same apartment. The groggy, 'good mornings' when his voice was still scratchy with sleep, hair falling in his eyes. The late nights bandaging wounds and killing cheap bottles of wine while watching terrible American reality shows.

It was those bottles of wine that did you in on your second to last night in America. Supplying you with courage and draining your sense of reason, allowing you to crawl onto his lap, into his arms. You could still remember the pressure of his lips on yours, those sharp teeth gently dragging along your lower lip.

Scared hands tracing the curve of your ass before taking handfuls to squeeze. The laugh that came from you was unlike anything you heard before, something so genuine that you couldn't reproduce.

How it felt when he lifted you up and took you to his bed, laying you down taking his time removing your clothes, and watching with awe as you pulled away his own. The way he looked over top of you, his hair a curtain of red around you just before you closed your eyes, gasping while he filled you.

You also remembered the guilt that crept into your head during the wee hours of the morning, the doubt that was louder than the snores coming from behind you.

It made you slip from under his massive arm, gather up your clothes from his floor, you tucked the blanket around him, and pressed a kiss to his temple before padding out of the room.

You told yourself you'd talk to him about it if he brought it up, but he never did. Not the next morning, or night, not on the plane ride back home, nor anytime since. It was a memory you'd hold close to your heart, one you wouldn't let slip away or share.

"There's nothing there, Mina. We're just good friends is all." You lied with a smile on your face, something that had become surprisingly easy to do.

If only you knew that Mina saw right through it. That Mina already knew the truth of it all.

>>><<<

It was nearly one in the morning when your phone rang. The goofy picture of Eijiro with face half painted at a festival a few years back never failed to make you grin.

"It's a little late." You answered by way of greeting.

"Don't pretend like you were anywhere close to sleeping, you little night owl."

Chuckling at the nickname that had followed you since high school, "What's up, Eiji?"

"I was going over flights. You said in the office that you wanted to leave on Friday?"

"Yeah. I have patrol tomorrow and I didn't find any flights after 6 PM so, Friday is the earliest."

He was quiet on the other line for a moment. "Yeah, you don't have patrol tomorrow, or work at all for that matter."

You sat up a bit straighter in bed. "Um, yes I do."

"No, you don't. I called Mina, asked her if you'd mind taking that shift for you and, since she knows what's happening, she agreed the extra day for travel would do you some good. So, she's covering you tomorrow then you're off work until next Wednesday. As for me, thanks to all that overtime I put in when Denki, Kyoka, and Hitoshi got married, the three of them are splitting up my days so I have until Wednesday too."

Eijiro sounded impossibly proud on the other line, you could almost see the smirk on his face. "You've got this all planned out, don't you?"

"And a bag nearly packed. Just need you to tell me what ties to bring."

"Gold, burgundy, and black."

"Thought your mom said no black for you?"

"She said no black for the wedding. She said nothing about black at the brunch!"

You couldn't wait to put on the tea-length dress that had been a favorite for years. Satin with a lacy top and, best of all, pockets.

He let out a rumbling laugh that fell off into comfortable silence as you laid back in your bed, lights still on, the room still a mess. You tapped the speaker icon and laid the phone on the pillow right beside your head, listing to the various sounds of Eijiro moving around.

A door creaking open, a hanger clattering against another, and a zipper. "And just like that, I'm all set."

"Don't forget your passport or hero license."

"I have one in my wallet and the other in my backpack."

You swiped up on your iPad, off Netflix, and going to google, lazily searching through flights. "So, did you find any good flights since you've clearly been looking?"

Another chuckle, "Eijiro, why are you laughing?" More stifled giggles had you sitting up in bed again. "Just tell me a site you were on. They're just flights, what's so funny?"

"There isn't a site."

"You said you were checking flights."

"And I was... on my family's jet."

"Eiji! No! No, no, no! That is supposed to be for their business or hero things! My stupid cousin's wedding is neither of those things!"

"Relax, Y/N. My family has multiple and they don't have any business trips planned right now anyways. I already cleared it with my mom. Seriously, I just mention your name and she's likely to let me have it for a whole year at least. Plus Todoroki's is back up in working order so the agency is covered too."

Damn, why'd he have to be so good at planning from time to time! You'd completely forgotten about the second jet his family had. Always opting for the larger one since the few missions they needed it for required them to bring fifty or so heroes along.

"Besides, if we fly private, we can land at an airstrip closer to the venue and won't need to drive four hours on top of a ten-hour flight."

"Alright, okay, thank you but, let me take care of the rental car, please. It's the least you can let me do."

"Deal. I just have one more question for ya."

"What's that?"

"Wanna leave tonight?"

You nearly dropped your damn iPad in shock. "Eijiro! What the fuck has gotten into you! It's the middle of the night!"

"I'm excited!" He boomed, "I haven't had a vacation in months!"

"I hate to break this to you, buddy, but this isn't going to be a vacation. You really shouldn't get your hopes up. This isn't going to be a good time with laughs and fun memories... my family, they just, they aren't those kinds of people."

"But we are." He stated matter-of-factly. "If they want to have sticks up their asses then let them! We'll have a good time on our own, laugh and make fun memories! So, what do you say, Y/N? I can be at your place in fifteen. I just gotta put shoes on and grab my keys..."

"Wait, hang on. Are you forgetting that we need someone to, oh, I dunno, FLY THE PLANE! Actually, we need two someone's, can't forget about a co-pilot!"

He hummed happily and you rubbed your temples. "You, you have a pilot and a co, don't you, Eiji?"

"Mhm! There is a company we use. Two can be at the hanger in an hour and every hour after that. I just have to make the call and get the flight plan approved which will be done before I even get to your house."

There was literally no reason to say no. You had mostly everything packed, nothing you needed to get from the store, all you had to do was put on pants and pack up your hygiene bag and you were ready too. Maybe getting there quicker and getting the whole thing over with would be better than staying home dwelling on everything.

"Better put your shoes on."

The glee in his voice, that was enough to make this whole thing worth it, "I'll see you soon."

>>><<<

Eijiro reached into the backseat and plopped a bag down on your lap the very moment you were buckled in. "Had to make a pit stop." He explained.

"It's after two in the morning, where'd you have to..."

"Just open the bag and don't complain."

You found it filled to the brim with all your favorite snacks.

"I'm sure the plane will have a bunch of snacks we can raid but I know for a fact they don't have these." He held up a pack of cookies and creme flavored pocky that had been his favorite for as long as you'd known him, quickly followed by your favorite flavor too. You also found a massive bag of gummy worms and jolly ranchers.

"So, what you're telling me is our teeth are going to rot by the time we land? Not that I'm complaining."

You ripped open the bag of ranchers knowing that was what he'd go for first and sure enough his hand dove inside just as he pulled away from the curb. You could hear his dangerously sharp teeth biting through the rock candy like it was nothing while you still rolled one around your mouth.

Eijiro asked you about the resort you'd be going to, wondering if you'd been there before or what other stuff you guys could do when you weren't dealing with your family. "I figured we could fly back Monday night or Tuesday morning, you know, just play it by ear in case there was anything else we wanted to do."

More than anything, you wished you could just leech a little bit of that excitement from him. The glimpses of his smile you caught as you drove under the street lights made your heart ache.

"What?" He asked with that wide smile of his. You'd been caught staring, red-handed.

"I, uh, I just don't know what to tell you."

You could see the subtle change of his grin, watch as it softened and his hand came to rest on your thigh. "Hey, it's gonna be fine! And if we run into them while out doing stuff, you can just avoid them or hide behind me!" At least hiding behind Eijiro is an easy thing to do, damn mountain of a man.

His thumb slowly brushed back and forth. "'S gonna be okay. I'll beat 'em up if they're assholes!"

You snickered at his Katsuki impression and let the drone of the radio fill the air around you both. Enjoying the silence the rest of the way to the hanger with Eijiro's hand atop your leg.

[queernuck]

The Cleveland Browns made the playoffs. The Islanders made the Eastern Conference Finals.

And that’s enough for me.

So long, so long I have been living like this, pretending that I want to keep on living, that life feels worthwhile, that I don’t want to kill myself. Suicide is for cowards but ive been chickening out for a whole decade, to the point where getting on the subway was itself something that involved convincing myself not to jump in front of it. I remember once while working in the city, I watched and waited as two trains came in and left, trying to get the energy to jump in front of them. I had decided, if I couldn’t do it by the time a second train came and went, I would go to work and save it for another day. I came very close, my legs tense like a linebacker on 4th & Goal, but I didn’t do it. Maybe it would be better if I had, I would have saved not only myself but a lot of other people a lot of pain and suffering. I’ve been dealing with feeling suicidal for a decade, an entire ten years, and made it through. And for what? I lost a retail job at minimum wage, I’ve seen the Giants go from two-time Super Bowl kingslayers to a team that relied on the Eagles for a playoff berth, I got to see Evangelion only for the final Rebuild film to be infinitely delayed, I have a useless non-degree that allows me to eloquently describe how the Democrats and Republicans alike are driving this stolen land to Fascism while sycophants tell me Vote Blue No Matter Who. I’m so tired, I’m not even the person people think me to be, since if I were, I wouldn’t be in this mess.

My paychecks, as hard-earned as they were, never seemed to be mine in any real sense, and it made me so frustrated that something in me broke at the beginning of this year. I made some mistakes, some very stupid ones, and got myself fired. I took money from and distorted the inventory of my store to get what amounted to pocket money, less than two paychecks. I was tempted because I feel so powerless, so much like nothing I could ever say or do matters, and so I decided to lash out against a place that mattered to me, against people I cared about deeply. Chain stores, corporations, all of those things are not really high on my list of things to care about. Barnes & Noble pushed out local booksellers years ago, an irony not lost on me whenever our own competition with Amazon was made apparent. We were reaping what we had sown. But what always interested on top of this irony was how symbolic these things could be to people, how much we figured into so may memories for so many. The Manga Aisle at Barnes & Noble is a staple of 2006 scene culture, a way that kids without the pocket money to afford the newest volume of Bleach it Naruto could keep up before scams became widely available. How the store was a place where people studying for standardized tests could use the test prep guides to try and get ready for the eugenic ritual of the standardized test. And just how much a chain bookstore became a substitute, socially, for the now-absent local bookstore. We bear the guilt for that, but at the same time we were still selling books, giving people a place to get coffee and sit and read and talk, in ways that libraries may not be able to. We certainly can never replace a library, given just what a library does for people. But we did do a lot of good all the same. Before it closed, some of my fondest memories came when I was the exact sort of annoying teenage customer I grew to hate, hanging out at the Columbus Circle Borders. Working at Barnes & Noble was tiring, dehumanizing, difficult, made me feel like I would never measure up to the authors we sold, the people books were written about, that I was a failure. And I am, as my death shows. But it also made me a part of something I was proud of. And that Above & Beyond pin I earned is in my jacket still, a reminder of something.

That something was shown in so many of the coworkers I had, who were incredible in so many ways. I feel awful for what I did, I genuinely do, because of how it may have hurt people who thought so kindly of me, people who deserve so much good. I wish I had the ability to address each of them individually but this decision was hastily made, and i have a feeling it will show in the things I miss in this note. Audra, your help in finding me a way to use the company policies to my advantage as a worker was something that gave me faith even after having seen the despicable firings and cuts the company went through. Linda, I can’t quite square the circle here given my actions, but I want to say your disappointment broke my heart and that while I will not be the one who shows it, your reassurance that everyone makes mistakes was welcome.

To my (former) fellow booksellers at Store 2216, all of my love and my sincerest apologies. You all have so much good in you, your willingness to listen to my ADHD-fueled rants and to discuss so many things with an incredible frankness was always impressive, in addition to part of what I loved about all of you. I want you all to be happy, and the kinship I felt with you was a vital part of what kept me going. It was tough, as you all know. But at times, it almost felt worth it.

The same is true of my CTY friends: it was a weird, magical place that frankly, a lot of us idealized for far too long and which sk many of us eventually outgrew without being able to let go of. And that was tough, that was something we had a great deal of difficulty understanding, that what helped us once was not always going to be helping us, was not always what we needed. But in eventually finding that, we found solace, we realized how life as a whole functions and just what it is that we can take from places like it.

To my other family, my Cleo family, I know I haven’t been terribly active lately, but I can never, ever thank you enough for the belonging you gave me. I have never felt anywhere as welcoming as Cleo. As warm as Cleo (even as we struggled to pay for the oil bill) was. As kind and understanding. As tolerant. As questioning and inquisitive into what that tolerance meant to us. I am thankful, eternally, for what you all did for me. The incredible experiences I had as a Cleo make me proud of what the organization can represent, and one of my dying wishes is that the organization continues to reach out to marginalized communities on Trinity’s campus. There is much work to be done in making sure abusers cannot hide in our family, but I trust you all to do that work. Tucker Carlson is a Trinity grad and we must embody the opposite of what he stands for, no matter how difficult it may be. I could go on about how this means opposing liberals and Liberalism/Neo—Liberalism due to the truth of tolerance resulting in a Popper-esque Paradox of Tolerance that implies Popper is a worthwhile philosopher, but that’s another issue.

To my friends on that Blue Hellsite, tumblr, you made a continual presence worth it, even with all of the bullshit this place brings. It’s the reason I read so much Foucault, Derrida, Deleuze & Guattari, read Žižek against himself, and so on and so on, and the value of that to me can never be overstated. I learned so much from the ways in which I learned to analyze the world, and that in turn became a huge inspiration for why I should try to do what I could to make the world closer to a place of revolution, one where we could perhaps eke out a living for one another. I loved how much I could be an unrepentant nerd and still love hockey on there, and while the

NHL fans on tumblr are incredibly annoying,

I can deal with that compared to the racism of most hockey fans.

Mom, Dad? I just couldn’t live with you any longer. I’m so sorry.

Grandma, I love you.

And the things I leave behind? Donate what can be donated. Hats, please auction, or at least offer to other HatHeads at a reasonable price. I had some nice ones. As for assorted albums, clothing, and other things, sell them and donate to a Harm Reduction organization, or organizations that advocate for PWUD in a radical fashion. WE DESERVE AUTONOMY!

I am a victim of the War on Drugs. Sobriety was always hellish to me, and I could never take it. I want people to be able to live how they want, to see sobriety and being on drugs as equally valuable states, to see the two as no different from one another.

Abolish all gun laws

End the War on Terror

Decriminalize and legalize all drugs, sobriety is what killed me.

I love all of you.

LET’S GO ISLANDERS!

[sevlgi]

promises, promises

requested: yes

group: dreamcatcher

pairing: bora x fem!reader  (plus bora x siyeon)

genre: basically just angst

contents: established!relationship between bora and siyeon but they don’t love each other, coworker!au, y/n just pines alone lmfao, but there IS a happy ending

warnings: none

synopsis: Bora and Siyeon are so used to their relationship that it feels like they can’t ever change. But at this point, is continuing together really their best option?

a/n: afdfasfkasdn i hope y’all like this!!!

word count: 2.6k

“Hey, Bora, if you’re coming home tonight, can you bring some takeout?”

The word ‘if’ echoes in Bora’s headphones as she stares at her phone screen. Siyeon said the word so offhandedly in her message, obviously used to her girlfriend’s constant absent and apparently unfazed by it, but it stops Bora herself right in the middle of the road as she listens to the message.

Honestly, her situation with Siyeon is... difficult. They’ve lived together for years, so they’re both used to having schedules that never match. To an outsider, the minimal amount of time that they actually spend together would be nothing short of a red flag, but neither Bora nor Siyeon think much of it.

There’s a certain comfort of knowing what waits for you at home, even if it is figurative most of the time. Bora has had the same emergency contact for years, and she always knows who to call if she has left something at home. She never has to call a babysitter, and whenever she gets hit on, she can say that she has a girlfriend of 5 years.

But maybe saying it like that sounds too much like a business contract.

The harsh reality is that the rare time she does spend with Siyeon is almost always filled with stilted silence, made awkward by two people both too exhausted to put effort into their relationship. And when it isn’t that suffocating silence between them, it’s anger, arguments that can be brought on by the most marginal mistaken word.

All of that culminates into the fact that Bora doesn’t really go home. Neither of them have the energy to actually talk things through, but neither of them want to let go of that familiar stability either. So they’re girlfriends by name, and nothing else in their hearts.

Bora supposes that it’s as much her fault as it is Siyeon’s.

“Yo, Bora!”

A smile prods the corner of her mouth up, and she pockets the phone. “Wassup, bro?” she calls sarcastically, accepting the overly enthusiastic fist-bump from you anyway. “Since when do you greet me with ‘yo’, especially when you’re about to ask for a ride home?”

You pout. “Is it that obvious?”

“You never come after me after work ends for any other reason, so, yes.” Bora opens the passenger side of her car for you anyway, spinning her keys around her index finger. There’s a hammered silver heart hanging off the other side with her and Siyeon’s initials. 

“If you wanted my company more often, all you had to do is say so,” you sigh. As always, you reach for the aux and plug it into your phone. “Are we making any pit stops along the way? Because I’ll shoot you a coffee as payment if you want it.”

“Actually, I’m gonna pick up some takeout for me and Siyeon.”

“Oh. Cool.” You pick some song that you’ve played at least 10 times in the past week, but Bora doesn’t comment on it.

She can’t help but notice that her passenger’s seat bears more evidence of you sitting there than anyone else. The seat itself is adjusted to the way you like it, and you have a habit of leaving your phone in the exact same place on the dashboard, the only rectangle that isn’t covered in dust. 

Bora isn’t actually sure about how Siyeon would adjust her seat, actually. Before she can stop herself, she asks you, “Hey, Y/N. What would you say is strictly necessary for a relationship to work?”

You glance at her, surprised. “Uh. Are you forgetting that I’m single?”

“I’m taking that as a sign that the date from last night didn’t go well?” When you shake your head, Bora sighs, “Sorry to bring it up, then.”

“No, no, it’s fine. We only went out like three times.” You lean back to think about the question, biting on your bottom lip as you do. It’s endearing. “I think... sacrifice.”

“Sacrifice? What, like Simba’s dad sacrifice?” Bora tries to joke. 

You roll your eyes, “You watch too much Disney, dumbass. I mean like... taking pictures together because one person likes to, even if the other doesn’t. Alternating your favorite pastas, taking like one hour of work off each to have a date night. That kind of sacrifice.”

“Oh. I get it, I think.” Bora does understand it; she thinks about how often Yoohyeon misses a day of work, because she claims that one paycheck isn’t worth a missed anniversary. She thinks about how JiU does the pasta thing despite not really liking Yoohyeon’s favorite, and she thinks about how she and Siyeon never do that anymore. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

Bora gets out of the car to get takeout at one point, but she’s deep in thought for the rest of the ride home, even when you wave her goodbye at your own place. Sacrifice, huh?

She thinks that the only thing she sacrifices is her wallet.

Siyeon opens the door for her with a small smile, though, which makes Bora happy enough. Her girlfriend says, “I’m gonna guess you got Chinese?”

“Thai,” Bora shakes her head. The apartment is cold because Siyeon read somewhere that it helps you fall asleep faster, but Bora herself hates it. “I don’t eat Chinese food much anymore, remember?”

“Since when?” Siyeon frowns, locking the door behind her. “Last I remembered, your favorite food was those dumb little dumplings from the place down the street.”

“Last year, yeah. It doesn’t matter, though, let’s eat. What did you do today?”

It’s a boring question, but the other woman accepts it gratefully. “Uh, went to work early, but I got lunch with my mom.”

“Oh? How is she?” Bora questions, already spreading the takeout boxes all over the table. She hasn’t seen Siyeon’s mom in a while, but she misses the motherly figure. 

Siyeon shrugs and reaches for her chopsticks. “She’s fine. She wants to know when we’re getting married.”

Bora’s heart stops, and not in the good way. She and Siyeon have talked about marriage before, but it was all in the honeymoon stage, when they first started dating years ago. “Oh? What did you tell her?”

Her girlfriend raises an eyebrow. “That we aren’t even engaged, obviously. Unless I missed an important conversation?”

“N- yeah.” Bora stuffs a shrimp in her mouth to quiet herself, at least for a little bit. It’s not that she doesn’t want to get married-- she just doesn’t want anything to change. 

Of course, Siyeon doesn’t let her shock at the question go. “What?” she prods. “Is getting married that scary?”

“I mean... do you want us to get married?”

Siyeon hesitates at that. Eventually, she shakes her head in silence, and that’s enough of an answer.

There’s really nothing wrong with their relationship. But as Siyeon bids goodnight right after she finishes eating, and Bora remains in the living room, she thinks that there might not be anything right anymore either.

Bora asks about the closest engagement ring store before she can stop herself, and you stare at her. “Are you two getting engaged?”

“No. Well, it’s complicated,” Bora sighs, turning right when her phone tells her to. “Siyeon’s mother wants us to get married, and I was thinking about what you were saying. It’s time to make some sacrifices.”

You stammer, “Th- that’s not really what I meant? I meant, like, take a day or two off work and get a vacation together, maybe talk things out for more than a minute? Not... proposing. Bora, I don’t...”

“Well, what would you do if you were in my shoes? Or, better yet--” Bora holds up a hand-- “what would you do if you were Siyeon? How would you deal with me, your girlfriend of 5 years?”

Suddenly, you feel like it’s 500 degrees in the car. But you answer, “I’d... I’d plan a trip. One of those cruises that offer dinners, and then I’d just try and talk with you. Bora, do you really think you’re in the right state to get married?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Bora questions. “We’re comfortable, you know. Siyeon got promoted a month ago, we make more than enough money to afford a wedding, and we’ve been together for so long, I don’t know anything without her.”

“I don’t mean financially,” you sigh. “I mean... do you think she’d say yes? Are you happy?”

‘Do you think she’d say yes?’ To be completely honest, Bora doesn’t know. She doesn’t even know what kind of a ring Siyeon would want, though she does know her ring size. She answers forcefully, “She will. I know it.”

“Okay.” You lean back, thumbs fiddling with your phone. “Bora? Would you mind dropping me off at work first? I don’t think I’ll be much help if I go with you.”

Bora nods. “Sure.”

She ends up buying a simple ring with a blue stone, something that won’t really make a dent in either of their bank accounts, but will still be enough for Siyeon to show off. The box is a heavy weight in Bora’s pocket as she arrives home, quite a bit earlier than she normally does.

“Siyeon-ah?” she asks, rapping on the door as she pushes it open.

“Bora? You’re home early,” her girlfriend replies, turning from where she is at the sink. For some reason, Bora’s relieved that it’s all Siyeon does at home when she’s alone, though there’s no reason for her to suspect anything else. “Did you get off work early?”

“Uh, I took time off.” Bora sets her bag down and takes her jacket off, watching Siyeon open the fridge for something else. “I... remember when your mom asked when we’d get married?”

“Yeah. I remember that, why?” Siyeon silently hands her a glass of water.

Instead of saying anything else, Bora takes the box out of her pocket and pops it open before sliding it over the counter. Blue glints brilliantly under the kitchen’s lights, but even to her, it looks dull.

Siyeon glances at her in surprise, saying softly, “Bora... that’s not what I meant when I told you what she said.”

“Then what did you mean?”

The younger woman sighs, leaning against the counter with her arms crossed. “I. Look, aren’t we happy just as we are?”

A little bit of anger fires up in the pit of Bora’s stomach. It isn’t that she seriously wants to get married, or that it matters all that much that Siyeon doesn’t seem to, but she put in the effort. Like you had told her to, she made a sacrifice, and it hurts a bit that it doesn’t have the effect she wishes it did. “You tell me, Siyeon. Didn’t you tell me when we started dating that getting married was your goal?” Bora demands.

“I did, and that was 5 years ago,” Siyeon snaps back. “Why are you so hellbent on this, anyway? I thought you never wanted to get married.”

Bora hesitates, but she still ends up being honest. She answers quietly, “To make a relationship work, we have to make sacrifices.”

“Don’t--”

“Siyeon. Do you still love me?”

“Obviously! What kind of a question even is that?” Siyeon bites back, anger starting to furrow her eyebrows. Bora wishes she could say that it’s an unfamiliar sight, but it isn’t anymore. “Who told you all that sacrifice bullshit anyway?”

“Y/N, not that it matters.” Bora’s hands clutching tightly in her hair, she sighs, “Look, I got it wrong, okay? I’ll return the ring--”

Siyeon interrupts, “Bora, do you know why Y/N told you sacrifices make relationships work?”

When the older woman doesn’t respond, Siyeon just continues, “It’s because she’s the one making sacrifices. She understands what ‘sacrifices’ should be in a relationship, and it isn’t you buying an engagement ring when neither of us want to get married at all.”

“Look, I don’t want to talk about it right now, okay?” Bora snatches the box up from the counter and grabs her keys again. “I’m going out.”

“What, to talk to Y/N?” Bora turns to stare at Siyeon, who only stands there with crossed arms and the air that says she knows she’s right.

Bora doesn’t respond, but she does slam the front door after her a little too hard.

Whenever she needs to talk to you, Bora takes advantage of the fact that you can always be found in one corner of the office. Unlike all your other coworkers, who like to roam and chat, you’re always in the same space, unless Bora drags you out.

And she does, slamming her palms down on either side of your desk. You don’t flinch, and she says lowly, “I need to talk to you.”

“Okay, but did you have to mess up my sticky notes?” you attempt to joke. Bora just grabs your wrist to tug you out of the office, leading you straight to her car without a word to anyone else. “Bora. Bora, what is this about?”

She takes a breath as soon as the two of you are sitting down, your eyes completely trained on her as she says, “Siyeon said something.”

“Oh. I’m assuming you aren’t engaged, then?”

“What- no. No, nothing close,” Bora sighs. “I tried making a sacrifice like you told me to, because I thought she wanted to get married. Spoiler, she doesn’t.”

You groan, placing your head in your hands. “Bora, that isn’t what I meant.”

Siyeon’s words about you understanding ‘sacrifice’ ring in the other woman’s head, but Bora stays silent and lets you continue, “Look, sacrifice in a relationship doesn’t mean literally sacrificing your own wants and stuff. It means accommodating the person you love, going out of your way to do nice things without doing damage to yourself.”

“Like you do?” Bora’s voice is soft, almost too soft for you to catch, but you do hear it. 

And instead of an adverse reaction, instead of denying it, you nod. “Yeah.”

Silence fills the car, and you don’t dare to raise your head. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t think I ever knew.”

“No, I know you didn’t.” You sigh and reach over to fiddle with the keychain you left on the passenger door handle. “I mean, you were so in love when we met. And now...”

“I’m not,” she finishes.

You shrug, “Well, that’s up to you to figure out. You’ve figured me out, anyway. And I’ve waited this long, I won’t blame you for whatever decision you do make.”

“What if you didn’t have to wait?”

Bora suddenly remembers the box sitting in her pocket, and digs it out. She doesn’t know if it’ll fit your finger, or if you’ll even like it, but it’s spontaneous, and Bora thinks it’s the way that things should be. “Take it,” she offers, “as a promise. I know what I have to do, but I want to promise to you that... I’ll come back to you. And I think I should promise that I’ll start loving you the way you’ve loved me.”

You take the box gently, and as light as it is, Bora feels a weight taken away. You’ve always had that effect on her, after all. “Okay. I accept your promise, and I’ll wait. For you.”

The ring is a little tight, and you put it on your pinky instead of the normal fingers, but it feels secure. It feels like Bora will keep her promise this time, to both her and you.

[cryoaquila]

uhmm hello OwO i'm just an angst junkie who loves to be heartbroken. So you could write something with diluc and childe where the reader has a difficult past (but the characters don't know) and yet shes always trying to be kind and good, and one day the boys are mean to her for having a bad day but end up discovering that the reader has been suffering in silence for a long time? I think you write a ending of comfort pls 😭

ooo ok ok angst and comfort, hell ye. hope you get your angst fill from the story below!

characters - childe, diluc, and f!reader warnings - teasing that goes too far, angst, happy ending, light cussing. wc - ~2k

the bell rang, a sign that work was done for the day. the sound made you feel a wave of relief wash over you as you were ready to leave work and get some much-needed rest. you wipe the sweat from your forehead as you step outside, the brightness of the setting sun blinding you for a moment. you were dirty and exhausted beyond belief, but the little amount of change you got paid today was worth the grueling work. as you headed down the city streets, the wonderful scents of food cooking causes you to realize that you and your sibling have nothing to eat at home for tonight. as you pass by a fruit cart you bring a hand to your grumbling stomach, grimacing at the prices of the fruit - it would be your entire paycheck to just buy a single piece and you couldn’t afford that, not with rent coming soon. if you didn’t pay this week, they’d kick you and your sibling out of your house and onto the streets, and you both didn’t have any savings left, even the money your parents left you two was gone. they left you enough to get by as you waited for their return, but weeks have passed and they still hadn’t returned, and you can’t help but wonder if they were... you couldn’t complete the thought, your lip trembling as you wipe your wet eyes. no crying. no fear. you had to be strong for your little sibling. you eye the fruit once more, your fingers twitching as you scoot a little closer to the cart. you glance around with your eyes, trying not to look suspicious. the fruit seller beside you was busy with a customer, the produce in his cart looked pristine, ripe, and ready to eat. holding your bag in one hand, your other free hand works quickly, grabbing fruit when no one’s looking and stuffing it into your bag. you smirk slyly, having gotten three pieces of fruit before the customer wanders away. the fruit seller glances over at you and you nod to him a fast goodbye before leaving, three pieces of fruit rolling around in your bag as you left. you felt a little guilty for what you did, but you had to for you and your sibling to live, plus he had plenty of fruit leftover, he wouldn’t what you took. three pieces of fruit might not seem like much, but it was enough to keep the two of you alive. you decide your sibling would get two for they are still growing, and you could eat one to get you through another day of tough work.

well, that was your plan before you pass by a begging mother with her child wrapped up in a blanket. the sight of her causes you to stop, her hair color, skin color, they all remind you of your own mom, whom you miss dearly. you reach into the bag, giving her one of the fruits, and she thanks you profusely, bowing her head to the ground. “i’ll try to get you more, soon.” you say, smiling as the baby coos at you, trying to wrap their little hands around the fruit. you continue walking home, a little saddened that you were going to go without food again, but all that mattered to you was that your sibling and that new mother had something to eat. you hug the bag closer to your chest as some Militia pass by you, your pace quickening, wanting to get out of the city already. as you leave the city walls and onward toward your simple dwelling in the countryside, you run into your friends, childe and diluc, outside of the city walls. you bite your lip, trying to figure out a different way to go, but it was too late as they began heading your way, childe waving at you to grab your attention. you sigh, holding the bag closer to you. while you three were really good friends, they always teased and gave you a hard time for fun. but no matter, you thought to yourself as they approach you, just keep walking and keep the conversations short.

“hey! oh wow, you look awful.” childe comments on your oil-covered clothes and oil-smeared face.

“gee, thanks.” you mutter, trying not to snap at him for any argument would cost you precious time. you were worried someone might’ve seen you stealing the fruit or the fruit seller would notice the count of his produce isn’t correct, and the Militia would soon be searching for a thief.

“you should quit your job there already. it pays terrible and works you to the bone.” diluc says matter-of-factly. you shake your head no, but secretly you wish you could quit and try to find a better job, but he didn’t understand. neither of them did because they were born into rich families. no, you needed that job. any time spent looking for a better one would be days spent without pay, and that just wouldn’t work.

“so, what’s in the bag that you’re protecting oh so well?” childe inquires as he walks beside you with diluc following behind.

“nothing.” you mutter as you try to speed up, wanting to get home before anyone notices what you took.

before you realize it, childe grabs the bag from your grip, your fingernails desperately clawing at it to try to keep it from his grasp. “yoink! “mine now!” he said in a sing-songy, mocking tone.

“stop it!” you snap, “give my bag back right now!” you jump to grab it, but he holds it above your head, too high for you to reach.

“nah, don’t think so. i wanna know what you’re hiding. don’t you wanna know what’s going on, diluc?”

“i don’t care. leave me out of this.” the redhead said sternly.

“oh but she might have something...” he pauses, trying to think of something that you entice diluc as you continue jumping, trying to reach the bag, “illegal in here!”

“there’s nothing illegal in there...” you mutter in a hushed tone, trying not to cause too much of a commotion, “c’mon childe i’m not messing around! give me my bag back!” you jump once more, your fingertips brushing against the bottom of the bag before he tosses it to diluc. you groan, but at least diluc wouldn’t be interested in this childish game. “diluc, please give it to me.” you ask politely.

he looks at the bag, then you, “what do you have in here?”

“oh, come on! don’t believe childe!” you sigh, “there’s nothing important in there!”

“you’re clearly lying, if it wasn’t important than you wouldn’t be trying so hard to get it back... hm, did you steal something?” his eyes burn into you as childe walks behind him, peering at the closed bag.

“ooh did you?” childe asks, smiling at you.

you huff, annoyed that he guessed correctly. “it’s nothing of your concern! please, just give it back already!”

“i think she did! damn, when good girls go bad.” childe sneers.

much to your horror, diluc starts opening it. “what is it? antiques?”

“n-no!” you leap to take it from him, but childe is quicker, snatching it from diluc and running with it. you groan in anger before chasing after the chuckling young man. thankfully, you’re faster than him, and manage to catch up to him quickly, grabbing the back of his shirt and trying to stop him.

“here diluc! catch!” childe threw it to him. you try to intercept, jumping to grab it, but you collide with diluc and both of you fall to the ground along with the bag, the two pieces of fruit falling out and squashing against the ground.

“oh crap,” childe mutters, scratching the back of his head as he jogs over to check on the two of you. “you both alright?”

“i’m fine.” diluc muttered, sitting up and wiping himself off before checking on you.

you bring a hand under you, propping yourself up, coughing up dirt that you accidentally swallowed. diluc pat your back, helping you get any dirt out of your system. your eyes snap at the splattered fruit on the ground in front of you, your body beginning to shake as hot tears pour from your eyes and run down your cheeks. you hit the earth with a fist, “damnit you two! i... i needed that, we needed that...!”

“w-what’s wrong?” childe asks, stuttering from seeing you cry for the first time since he meant you, “it’s just some fruit, what’s the big deal?”

“i risked a lot trying to get that fruit... i risked my life and my sibling’s life trying to get something to eat for us and you just... just made them go hungry tonight.”

“what? all you have to eat is this fruit? what about your parents?” diluc questions, his tense gaze softening to match his tone.

“they... they haven’t returned... from their adventure...” you sob harder, and childe and diluc glance at each other, knowing the truth behind your words, the truth you were too afraid to admit to anyone, even yourself.

diluc starts to ask, “but you said-”

“i know!” you interrupt him, “i know i lied and said they’re back, i... i  was scared they’d take my sibling away from me if the Militia found out...”

diluc takes off his black fluffy coat and wraps it around you, bringing you in for a hug. “shh...” he whispered, frowning as he continues, “i’m sorry for what i did. i should’ve given the bag back to you, i was just worried you had gotten yourself into trouble, you know, on the wrong side of the law... i should have believed you. i hope you can forgive us.” you turn to cry into his shirt, the stress and worry that you’ve bottled up exploding into hard sobs that shook your whole body and wet his shirt.

childe crosses his arms, shrugging, “it’s just fruit, it isn’t anything-” before he can finish talking, diluc shoots him a stern glare that causes him to flinch. “i-i’m sorry, too, for what i did... i should’ve minded my own business. i just thought we were being funny and teasing you like usual, but... we were in the wrong. i’m sorry...” childe kneels beside you, wrapping his arms around you, too, both men hugging and holding you tightly. “you know, diluc and i have money, why didn’t you ask for our help?”

you cough, trying to hold back your sobs so you can speak, “i didn’t want to inconvenience either of you.” your voice was quiet and shaky.

“you could never inconvenience us. ever.” diluc pats your hair, the feeling welcome as it reminded you of how your mother used to calm you down.

“yeah, you know we’re always here for you. we’re your friends, we care for you... even though it might be hard to remember that when we do stupid shit like today... heh...” childe chuckles, and you couldn’t help but giggle too, sniffing as your sobs came to a stop.

“really stupid,” you say through a giggle and they both nod, apologizing once more.

“how about we go to the store and you pick out anything you need for you and your sibling, on us.” diluc suggests.

“... are... are you sure it isn’t too troublesome? i can’t pay you back for a while-”

“no need to pay us back!” childe said, rubbing your back softly. “we wanna help you two!”

diluc nods, “let’s go shopping right now together and you buy whatever you want.”

“oh, i’m gonna buy every candy in the store for your little sibling!” childe says excitedly, already heading toward the shop.

you try to stand, but a stinging sensation causes you to stumble, diluc grabbing and supporting you. “oh, your knees are cut up, here let me carry you there.” diluc mutters and after you nod in agreement before he picks you up bridal style, carrying you to the store as childe continues to ramble on about everything he’s going to purchase for the two of you.

your anger and tears subside as you rest your cheek against diluc’s chest, his shirt still wet from your tears. you could never stay mad at these two troublemakers, even when they took their teasing too far they tried everything in their power to rectify the problems they sometimes cause. they didn’t even need to do anything beyond just apologizing and you’d still forgive them for their mistakes today, the love between the three of you too grand to be ruptured by such a dumb mistake.

[csmeaner]

Sorry for the long post I wanted to get this off my chest as it’s been bothering me for awhile.

About a year ago I introduced one of my best irl friends to Toyhou.se because they are working on writing a book and they got quite a few ocs and I thought TH would be useful for them to keep track of art and whatnot. So they start using it and somehow they stumbled across a CS idk which one exactly, but they were very interested in the idea and I didn’t think much of it because I had 3 cs characters myself (cccat, Cham, and a hoodjinx) and I had no clue about the overall toxicity of cs since I don’t really participate in it and got all my characters second handed through trades. Over the next few months I watched them become absolutely obsessed with cs and become a “whale”. They would also constantly ask me if they could offer/have my cs characters when we were hanging out irl or just talking online which was awkward and annoying. They are spending their whole paycheck on cs, nonstop talking about cs and their “dreamies”, they stopped attending class bc they stay up until ungodly hours at night to buy a character and be too tired to go (for context we are both in college and live in dorms), and they started missing work bc they can’t afford gas so now I have to pick them up and drive them everywhere. Luckily we work at the same place, but sometimes we have different shifts so it gets annoying and I’m the one paying for gas and gas costs a lot so I have to limit my spending on grocery’s which they got this grocery pass thing (Idk what it’s called but each month they get a voucher for groceries form the college) so they don’t have to worry about spending money on that and I’ve tried asking if they could chip in for my gas or help me with groceries or even just help me with with paying for my cats food every 2 weeks since I’m starting to struggle with paying for that, but it’s always “I don’t have the money”. They are so deep into cs brainrot and I’ve been distancing myself from them hoping that they realize that this is an actual issue and I’ve talked to them multiple times on how inconveniencing it is for me and how it’s ruining our friendship and they need help and they keep telling me that they will stop but if anything it getting worse. And this sounds really mean, but I’m thinking about just not driving them everywhere anymore they will start missing work again which they won’t receive money and they will not be able to buy anymore characters and maybe it will open their eyes and this could be the first step into getting them out of this hellhole. Idk everything is shitty rn and I hate it here

nah it's not your fault they're ruining both your lives. you're not responsible for them especially if they've done nothing but leech off your good will and poison your friendship. fuck that's depressing like watching someone get addicted to meth and yeah if they're not willing to listen then the friendship is fucking over. no reason to let them drag you down with them and real friends don't support the other's spending addiction

[lab-trash]

Mission Creek Mighty Med

I posted Chapter One because I got bored. I’ll be posting chapters 2 and 3 later today.

Chapter List

“I can’t believe we have to transfer locations,” Kaz complained, “But we still have to go to school! We already have jobs!”

“Kaz, we have to graduate,” Oliver said, “We might get fired from Mighty Med, you know that there have been budget cuts,” He said. Kaz sighed, hanging up his last poster on their living room wall.

“They can’t fire us, we’re two of the best doctors on staff!”

“Changes nothing,” Oliver said. “What I don’t understand is why you think that we should have our own apartment; they offered to let us stay at Mighty Med.” Kaz let out a chuckle.

“Fair enough,” Oliver said with a shrug.

“Okay, there are two reasons for that,” He said, “First off: I’ve lived with 14 people. I’m not ready to live with over 20, all of which are basically strangers and have weird superpower sleeping habits.

Second of all: I really don’t want you to start stalking Skylar because you suddenly have 24/7 access to her. Plus, with our paychecks combined, after our raise, plus the money your mom is giving you, we can afford something not bad!”

“I’m just surprised your mom let you come. She’s hated me ever since I came out,” Kaz said with a laugh.

“She doesn’t know that you’re here. She thinks I’m getting away from you.” Kaz nodded.

“Yeah, that makes more sense,” He said with another laugh. “But hey! We’re roommates! We can finally decorate our living room and stuff the way we’ve always imagined it!”

“Yeah, I guess that’s pretty cool,” Oliver admitted. “Anyway, we start school on Monday, so we better get our stuff together,” He said. Kaz groaned.

“Why can’t we start school like… next month!”

“Because that’s not how school works,” Oliver said, slightly confused about Kaz’s statement. “We’d have to makeup a lot of work, and I think that you wouldn’t like that.”

“Fair enough,” Kaz said. “I’m going to bed. I’m so tired.” Oliver blinked.

“You barely did anything!”

“I collected all my stuff and put it through a wormhole, I did plenty!”

Oliver didn’t say any more, letting Kaz go to his room, as he put more of their comics on their bookshelf.

Monday morning, Oliver managed to drag Kaz out of bed and to Mighty Med to pick up Skylar.

“I am so excited to go to this new school!” Skylar exclaimed, walking out of Mighty Med.

The school that they were going to was only a couple blocks away from the hospital that Mighty Med was in, so it wouldn’t take long to get there.

“I mean, the old school was great, and I’m really gonna miss Jordan, but this one is so much nicer! And it’s nice to have a change of scenery.”

“It’s still a school, it’ll still be boring,” Kaz complained. Oliver sighed.

“Ignore him, he’s salty that we have to go to school even though we have jobs,” He said. Skylar nodded in understanding. “I, on the other hand, am also very happy about this new school!”

He might have still been annoyed about Skylar getting along so well with Gus. And in this new school, hopefully he’d be able to spend more time with her, being one her only old friends. In this school, he would be the Experion, but not evil.

They walked a bit in a comfortable silence, filled only with the sounds of nature and vehicles, before anyone spoke up.

“Kaz, maybe you should give this school a chance,” Skylar said, walking into the school. “I’m sure they have some sort of nerd club you can join.”

Kaz turned around, walking backwards to speak to his friends.

“Okay, I’m not a nerd, I’m much more of a geek! There’s a difference. And at least I do good things with my knowledge, I’m not like… an archaeologist. Like, what’s even the point of that?”

“Kaz, you might want to—”

Before Oliver could finish his warning, Kaz bumped into someone and he turned around.

“Ah, sorry,” He said, slightly fearful and annoyed from his own actions.

“Ooh, some new prey,” The guy said. He was taller than Kaz by a few inches, but he was so broad that it felt like much more than that. Oliver laughed nervously, stepping up in front of Kaz.

“We’re not looking for trouble,” He said “We’re just new here, he wasn’t looking where he— ahh,” He said uncomfortably as the guy picked him up and tossed him aside.

They heard someone sigh.

“Trent, leave them alone,” A girl said.

She was with three guys, two of which were around her height, but one of them was taller than even the vaguely threatening guy, Trent apparently.

“Don’t bother. Remember our first day,” One of the guys said quietly. He muttered something quietly into her ear, something the trio couldn’t hear. “I don’t feel like having another return of Spike.”

“Ooh, I hadn’t even thought of that!” The girl said happily before shoving the guy in Trent’s direction.

“Hey, shortstack, whaddya think you’re gonna do?” He said with a laugh. The guy sighed and turned to his friends.

“Really Bree? Why not send in Adam?”

“Because, Chase, that wouldn’t have been as funny,” The tall guy said, making the other two laugh. The first guy, Chase sighed and turned back to Trent.

“Well, there’s really only one way to fix this,” He said. He muttered something again. “Without breaking your body,” He said quietly. He took a breath before punching Trent’s arm and running away.

Trent, seemingly forgetting about Kaz, Oliver and Skylar, ran after him, and the rest of the friend group approached the new students.

“Sorry about him, cutie,” The girl said, making Oliver feel bashful. “He gave us a tough time on our first day of school too. I’m Bree, this is my brother Adam and our step-brother, Leo. The guy who just sacrificed his life for you guys is my brother Chase,” She introduced with a laugh.

“Oh, I’m Oliver, this is Kaz, and our friend Sky—” Kaz hit Oliver’s arm. “Connie!” He corrected. “Our friend, Connie.”

“Thanks for the save,” Skylar said happily, clutching the straps of her backpack.

“I could’ve handled that,” Kaz said, annoyed. Adam laughed.

“Yeah, but it was much funnier seeing Trent run after Chase,” He said. Leo shrugged.

“Better him than me,” He said. Oliver raised a brow in confusion, but shook it away.

“So you guys were new students too?”

“Yeah, we only came here about six months ago,” Bree said with a nod. “Before that we were… homeschooled, so it was a tough transition. We’re happy to help you guys with it if it helps,” She said.

“That’d be great!” Skylar exclaimed happily. “It’d be nice to have some friends. We just moved here, we haven’t really met anyone yet.”

“Oh, where’d you guys move from?” Leo asked as Bree started leading them to the cafeteria.

“Philadelphia,” Kaz said, speaking up for one of the first times in the whole interaction.

“Oh, wow, that’s really far,” Leo said, surprised. “Must’ve been a tough move,” He said with a light laugh.

“It wasn’t so bad,” Oliver said, knowing that they used the wormhole transporter instead of going on a plane back and forth.

“It was just the three of us, so we didn’t have as much stuff,” Skylar explained.

“Oh, are you three siblings?” Bree asked.

“Hey, just like us!” Adam exclaimed, but Kaz shook his head.

“No, no, we’re all just really good friends.” Oliver shook his head as they all sat down at a table.

“Kaz and I are good friends, me and Connie… it’s complicated.”

Kaz laughed.

“Nope,” He said. “They’re just friends.”

Chase entered the room, a tear in his flannel shirt.

“You just had to push me towards Trent! Do you know how much time I put into making sure we never interact?” He asked rhetorically. “A lot,” He said, annoyed.

“Well, if it makes you feel better, you basically saved lives,” Bree said, patting Kaz’s shoulder. Kaz smiled at Chase.

“Yeah, thanks for that,” He said genuinely, confusing his friends. Chase sighed, sitting down.

“No problem,” He said. “Kind of,” He added, making Kaz laugh. “I’m just glad that I didn’t— uh… die,” He said, interrupting himself nervously.

“Has he killed people before?” Oliver asked, half-joking.

“Wouldn’t be surprised,” Leo said with a shrug.

“So, what are you guys doing here?” Chase asked.

“We moved for our jobs,” Kaz said. “Which is why I don’t understand why we still have to go to school,” He said, looking annoyed at Oliver.

“What jobs made you move? You’re only teenagers,” Chase observed. The three exchanged looks.

“Uh…” Oliver started. The bell rang. “Oh, that’s the bell, better get to class! See you guys at lunch!” He said before running off. Skylar sighed.

“Sorry about him,” She said. “He’s kind of a dork.” Kaz laughed.

“Yeah,” He agreed.

“I should get to class, I can’t afford to be late again,” Leo said, leaving the room.

“What’s my first period again?” Adam asked, legitimately confused. Chase sighed.

“Study hall,” He said. “You stay here for another 45 minutes.”

“Hey, I have study hall too,” Kaz said with a smile.

“I have geometry,” Skylar said, standing up and pushing her chair in.

“Hey, me too!” Bree said happily. “C’mon, I’ll walk with you,” She said and the two girls walked off together.

“I have to get to my AP English class,” Chase said, standing up. “But it was nice to meet you…” He trailed off, realising that he didn’t actually know any of the new student’s names.

“Kaz,” Kaz said. Chase nodded with a smile.

“It was nice to meet you, Kaz,” He said before walking off.

As soon as he left the room, Kaz hit his head against the table.

“I know, right!” Adam exclaimed, “He’s so boring.” Kaz looked up.

“Right,” He said.

[slafkovskys]

i miss kirby so it makes me sad to talk about him 😭 but know that i am willing to do whatever he wants. kirby can get it any day of the week. will be on my knees whenever wherever. thats all.

warnings: language, oral (female receiving)

word count: 1452

missed the part about being on your knees my bad

“i could get in a lot of trouble for this,” you glare at him as you push open the door to your dorm building. he strolls in, smirk prominent on his face as he drops a kiss to the top of your head. you point to the stairwell, “we’re taking those. they’re less noisy.”

“you won’t. andy loves me,” he smirks as he passes by, landing a sharp smack on your ass as he does so. you jump and shove him roughly which only causes him to chuckle as he follows you up the stairs.

“because you bribed him,” you roll your eyes as you make the trek up to your floor. he hovers behind you as you unlock the door to your dorm and you tense as he places a hand on your back, “can’t you wait until we’re inside at least?”

“i could,” his mouth drops to your ear, “but as soon as you opened that door i planned to be in between your legs. i mean, we could do that out here if you wanted-”

“there’s cameras,” your cheeks burn as you finally open the door and let him inside. “shoes, kirby! we go over this every single time.”

“yes ma’am,” he huffs as he kicks off his sneakers. his hands reach out for your hips and he pulls you forward so that your chest is pressed against his, “i missed you.”

“is that so?” you hum, “to me, it’s like i moved countries for someone and they’re avoiding me for two weeks.”

“avoiding you?” he raises an eyebrow and you send him a sly grin as you tug on the hair at the nape of his neck. “i just got back on the ice and you’ve had midterms. it’s been a crazy two weeks, but you know damn well i’d have you in my bed every night if i could.”

“and i would be there, if i could.”

“why can’t you?” it’s your turn to raise an eyebrow. you watch as he tosses his head back and sighs, staring up at your ceiling, “why can’t you be in my bed every night?”

“because, in case you missed it earlier, i moved countries to be here so i am required to stay in this dorm for at least one year. it’s just rules that we have to follow-” he snorts at the mention of ‘following rules’ considering that it was well after ten pm and he had no real business being in your room.

“what about next year though? when you’re not a freshman, what are you going to do then?”

“i’ve met some girls and we’ve kind of been bouncing around the idea of getting an apartment together. it’s just so fucking expensive though,” you huff and he squeezes your hips. you’ve known kirby long enough to know that by the way he was acting, there was something on his brain that he just wasn’t sharing with you. you poke at his cheek, “hey, no secrets, remember?”

“except for birthday presents,” he grins and you send him a look. he sighs, “can we sit down or something first?”

you huff as you let him pull you over to your bed and maneuver you so that he can lie down on top of you, resting his head on your stomach, “spill the beans, dach.”

“what if trying to say is, why don’t next season, semester, year, whatever, why don’t we get an apartment together. me and you?”

your mind goes blank for a minute. sure, you and kirby had been together for what felt like forever and you knew that he was your person, but living together? you were barely nineteen and him almost twenty. that added into the fact that between the two of you and knowing that he needed to be a reasonable distance from the rink and practice facilities, rent would not be cheap.

“in theory, that sounds fun kirb,” you sigh and he props his chin on top of his hand so that he can look at you, “i couldn’t afford an apartment for just two people, so it’s out of the question.”

“but i can,” he pouts.

“exactly, you can afford it and i can’t. i’m not living off of a professional athlete paycheck here, kirby, and i don’t want to rely on you either. that’s not why i’m with you.”

“i’m not your parents, y/n. you don’t have to prove that you’re not with me for the money. i know that,” he rolls his eyes when he mentions your parents and you swallow.

that was the thing, you and kirby had known each other since you were kids, but you didn’t get together until his last year in the whl. your parents, ever supportive, had made a point to question you on multiple occasions why you were even with kirby in the first place. they could not seem to fathom that you wanted to be with kirby for kirby and not the amount of money in his bank account. it may have also been a contributing factor as to why you close to come to chicago for school instead of staying in canada.

“if you’re worried about me paying for everything,” his hands slide under the loose fabric of your t-shirt, “i’m sure that we could work something out.”

“like what?” you mumble, holding your breath as his fingers slide over the bare skin of your abdomen before hooking in the waistband of your shorts.

“i don’t know,” he pushes up your shirt and pulls your shorts down just barely to place a kiss on the newly shown skin, “like i said, we can work something out.”

“kirb,” you whisper. you try to squeeze your legs closed and he chuckles, moving his hands to hold open your thighs, “please.”

“please what, princess?” he teases, running his thumbs just over the lace of your underwear. he looks up at you with his blue eyes shining mischievously, “you know that i won’t do anything unless you ask for it.”

and of course you knew that, so you comply quickly, “please touch me.”

he hums and finally, finally pulls your shorts and panties down in one go, tossing them somewhere in your dorm to be found later. he smirks at the sight before him and turns his head so that he can press a kiss to the inside of your thigh, mumbling against the skin, “i guess you did miss me.”

“obv-” you cut yourself off with a gasp as his thumb runs across your sensitive nub. he kisses down your thigh while you rest a hand in his messy hair. “were you wearing a hat earlier?”

he chuckles, warm breath fanning over your wet slit, “i was. why do you ask?”

“because your hair’s- fuck,” you breathe out as he licks a stripe upwards, sinking his tongue into you. you grip onto his hair as he gets to work, arching your back as he inserts a finger alongside his tongue.

you try to close your legs around his head, but he’s having none of it as he slaps a hand down on the skin and dogs his fingers into it. you moan as he does so, arching up into his mouth which only causes him to work harder.

you would say that you were embarrassed with how quickly he brought you to the brink, but you weren’t. kirby knew you almost as well as you knew yourself and if he wanted to prolong this, make you wait for a release, he knew exactly how to do it, but this obviously wasn’t one of those times.

he pulls his fingers out when your legs begin to shake, settling his thumb on your clit and applying just the right amount of pressure that made your stomach tighten. your permission to let go was given by his eyes connecting with yours and in an instant, your throwing your head back against the pillow and letting go.

he removes his thumb then, using both hands to hold your thighs open as he slurps you up. your chest heaves as he does so, whining when his lips wrap around your clit. you let him do as he pleased before shoving him away gently.

“i’m not an athlete, kirby. i need a minute to recover.” you shove his shoulder gently, cheeks burning at his eagerness as if it was the first time.

“what were you going to say about my hair earlier?” he pulls away from you, mouth glistening with the remains of your slick.

your chest rises and falls as you pull him towards you, “i was saying that’s it’s a fucking mess and i didn’t help at all.”

[daysten444]

When you start talking about wages and what ppl make and how it’s not enough to live, there’s always those people who come out of the woodworks (sir we’re on the Instagram page commiethoughts (/s) why are you here?) and say how you should move to the middle of bum fuck nowhere to buy a house. But they fail to recognize what works for them once cannot be applied to all 300 million people who live in America today.

If everyone tried to buy a house in Bum Fuck Idaho what do you think is going to happen to housing values in Bum Fuck Idaho??? Also Bum Fuck, Idaho cannot accommodate everyone. A lot of these small towns would crumble under a mass influx of people. (This whole thing is prompted by a dude I saw on Instagram who was flexing how in his town he can buy a 3 bed 3 acre house with 120,000, but his town has less than 5,000 people in it and is 2 hours away from the nearest city).

Also America is largely car dependent, but living in the city or suburbs allows for easier access to groceries, medical care, and almost most importantly because we live in late stage capitalism, work. Lots of ppl are working jobs in the city and cannot commute 1.5+ hours a day each way!! Never mind the fact that lots of these rural-er areas are majority white which will be uncomfortable for people of color. At best everyone keeps too themselves at worst people of color who move to these areas go missing.

Moving also costs money and when you are living paycheck to paycheck you cannot afford to save for moving costs. And it’s really easy to live paycheck to paycheck when the liveable wage is double the minimum wage.

North Carolina’s liveable wage (how much you should make to be above the poverty line)

Total required income before taxes: $30,617 (which comes out to be $14.72)

Estimated housing costs: $8,865

Estimated food costs: $3,177

(Also I don’t live in North Carolina I just chose somewhere where cost of living wasn’t atrocious) also these figures are from 2019 before the current housing market which has since ballooned even more. That estimated housing cost comes out to be $740 a month and while I don’t live in NC I still doubt that I could find a $740 one bedroom apartment with ease. Of course this part is speculative.

My state from this article has a similar total required income. With our housing costs at $9,900, that is $825 a month and I can speak to the struggle to find a one bedroom for $825 for sure. And before people come in talking about just get a roommate, that’s not the point. I, as a single person, should be able to afford a space to myself. I should be able to choose whether or not I want a roommate, not have it forced upon me because if of the cost of housing.

And these calculations are done for a livable wage. Making ends meet on the current minimum wage is impossible. And then people are quick to say “why are you working minimum wage at your age? Get a real job”. There’s so many socio-economic factors as to why this may not work for someone. College degrees are expensive (and increasingly quite useless), they can’t afford the time and effort it takes to find another job (taking time off to interview), access to learn new skills is blocked, etc etc. Everyone should be able to live comfortably no matter what job they do. To say otherwise is so insanely classist. Why shift the blame from the government and corporations into individuals? (Oh right, because they’re the people that benefit from this current system or are the ones convinced that the system benefits them even though it doesn’t because of profuse propaganda and are fine with bc obviously they are doing fine as a white man in bum fuck no where as a plumber so of course the propaganda is the truth)

The reason for all of these issues is that the system is working exactly as it’s designed. But somehow it’s “thanks obama”, “biden’s America”, etc etc. Don’t get me wrong I hate these guys but the right hates the issues of late stage capitalism and then blames it on the democrats in power. When the democrats in power are legit not doing anything helpful.