#lmaoooo wtf

[sweet-like-hypoglycemia]

your parents were violent with you when you were a kid weren't they little sweet cheeks 😔 hopefully not because you must've been really tiny as you already are a small cutie by default

Lmao, huh?!?! I'm a millennial, we ALL got hit 😆 Just normal spankings, no one was clocking me or nothin haha

[frostyalice]

*kicks fic into the void*

has it really been *looks at clipboard* almost 3 years since posting a jalice fic??? yes. am i as active as i was then? absolutely not. is this completely random considering the answer to those two questions? yes. anyway! i am officially throwing this bit of fic i had started writing into the void. i didn't realize i had 2k of it written but the following part is what i had planned to be the ending/what really inspired it

context!/summary: nomadic jasper au. Alice has been living with the cullens on her own for a while. Jasper has long since split from charlotte and peter. He stumbles across a small town with an unusually high (living) body count considering there's 4+ vampires residing there. never feels good enough to approach but soon he and alice are having their own little forest clearing visits. he knows she knows an uncanny amount about him. but still hasn't shown his face or introduced himself. until now

He’s standing in his usual tree; high enough that a human would never spot him, and with enough branch covering that he felt a little sense of protection from Alice.

Alice, who’s currently prattling on about her day, telling him how she had had the funniest visions of a guy named Mike Newton get shot down by a girl named Lauren.

Suddenly, her eyes lose focus a little and he loses his emotional read on her. It had freaked him out at first; she essentially disappeared to him. But he’s used to it now, even though his eyes do a quick sweep for any potential dangers. She comes to with a smile that seems mostly to herself.

“Anyway, I do believe it’s time for me to head back,” she says abruptly. Jasper frowns, never liking the thought of her leaving him to go back to that coven of vampires. “I’m sure you’ve already figured it out,” she interrupts, “but I just realized I’ve never formally introduced myself.” The small vampire is correct. He figured out all their names within a day of stumbling across their strange house. Still, he appreciates the sentiment of introducing oneself.

“I’m Alice Cullen,” she announces cheerfully, as seemed to be her default mood. “I’d love for you to introduce yourself, too.” A small frown graces her lips, and Jasper feels a twinge of shame at having been the one to put it there, even if done so indirectly. “Maybe one day you’ll do me the honor.”

She turns to leave, like every other day, never expecting anything from him. And Jasper, he has had enough of this hiding.

“Jasper,” he finds himself saying before he can second guess it. He takes his time descending branches in what he hopes is a graceful, non-scary manner. “My name is Jasper Whitlock.”

He doesn’t know what to expect, but it sure isn’t what happens next. The small vampire holds out her hand and smiles a smile so bright it’d put the sun to shame.

“I know. You’ve kept me waiting a long time.”

Clearly having lost all reason, he advances so he’s just a foot away from her. She still doesn’t flinch.

“My apologies, ma’am.”

Hand still extended, he knows this is one of those moments. One he’ll remember for the rest of his existence. She doesn’t react when he places his scar covered hand in her clean, petite one.

With a feeling of happiness stronger than he’d ever experienced and a warm feeling he wasn’t quite sure he knew a word for enveloping him, she starts to lead him towards the house.

And for the first time in nearly a century, he feels a feeling he’s never felt before.

Hope.

[quinnigallagherjones]

I THINK I JUST HAD A PORN BOT MESSAGE ME ON WORDS WITH FRIENDS I AM SCREAMING

[wonusite]

i need someone to put me in my place ☺️

same

[sandu-zidian]

Such a pretty house and such a pretty garden

No alarms and no surprises

[oceanwithouthermoon]

"i hate when people mischaracterize him into some sort of twink, hes cool and apathetic..." and this is literally the guy theyre talking about

[jujoobedoodling]

Goddess

AU where the elven kingdoms retreated from interacting with the rest of the world and hid themselves. As far as humans are concerned, these statues are figures from old mythology. Jaina is a history nerd and also very gay.

inspired by this femslash february prompt list

[gunsatthaphan]

"don't forget to wear them."

[kurooo-is-here]

LMAO???

piers rlly said "noOO THANK YOU."

[prismaticpichu]

Ok why the FUCK was this in my photos

What kind of hallucinogenic cough medicine did I take when making this?????

[blobwithapencil]

After all of this is over...

[sp4mja]

Fit is the Tazercraft number one defender

[tethered-heartstrings]

decided to treat myself with a nice little candy bar and got to the car and it wasn't in the cart and realized it fell out of the cart and I traced my steps and saw it on the ground and watched a car drive over it and obliterate it what kind of fucking omen is this

[kaeruc0re]

Hey idk wtf is going on right now with Phil’s character I just made this a day ago so here you go LMAO: if Tallulah was originally Phil and Missa’s kid

[sanasanakun]

You’re in his DMs. I’m violating the Geneva Convention treaties with him in Mexico. We are not the same.

[romaritimeharbor]

"the five sinners of khaenri'ah"

...

you know who those mfs look like lowkey?

LOOK 🗣❗️❗️❗️