#lol its Charlie hours

[paterson-blue]

Deep End Distractions; Part 1

(gif credit: @driverdelight )

Part 1 I Part 2 I Part 3

Summary: As a swim instructor, you meet a lot of parents who are either overly committed to their kid's lessons or couldn't care less. You aren't 100 percent sure where Henry Barber's father lies on this spectrum, but man, is he hot.

Word Count: 4,257

Warnings: fem! AFAB reader, its very swim/water involved, summery shit, gratuitous description of Charlie Barber's hot dad bod, intense pining (mutual?? unrequited?? cast your votes below), that sexual tension when two characters just look at one another lmao, meddling Henry Barber— let me know if I need to add anything else!

A/N: Massive shout out to @paper-n-ashes for being the loveliest beta reader in the galaxy. Cheers to both your advice & your mutual Charlie thirst.

Prefer AO3? I gotcha!

“Alright Lilah, you’re doing so good! C’mon, Max, kick those legs buddy! Great job, Henry!”

You call out from the side of the pool, watching your determined students make their way down the lane on their little kick boards. It was late May, which meant swim lessons were in full swing at the neighborhood community center, and you’d applied to be an instructor. It wasn’t like you were an Olympic swimmer or anything, but you knew enough and you were CPR certified. Apparently that’s all the center was looking for, and now you were in charge of the 8-10 year old group.

“That’s it for today you guys. You did amazing!”

You lean over the edge with your arm out, holding on to the starting block so you can get low enough for the kiddos to each give you a high five. You didn’t have a very big class, really. Around here, most kids learned to swim pretty early—some even started from birth. It was just the thing to do, living by the ocean. Most of the older kids who needed lessons were either late bloomers or had moved from different areas of the country, their parents having business in and around LA.

It was a good bunch this year. Only six kids, but they were keen listeners and eager to learn. None of them were scared of the water, which saved a lot of time when it came to getting them doggy paddling around. They’d already been with you for three weeks, the program a bit more intensive than the normal casual classes other parents put their kids in, instead borderlining on swim practice. Your lessons hinged on teaching the kids actual swim techniques; to get them to learn the correct way to do everything instead of just learning how not to drown.

“Good cool down everyone. The pool is open for free swim as long as your parents say yes.”

You sit down on the edge, legs dangling in the water as you help each of your students out of the pool, hauling them onto the deck. The indoor area echoed with the voices of families and other swimmers, the sounds of splashing water and laughter creating a cacophony of noise. The giant room was mildly humid—smelled like chlorine. You wished idly that you could be at the outside pool, but the schedule flip-flopped. One week swim lessons were outside and aerobics inside, one week it was the opposite, and so-on.

The kids scamper off to their respective adults, careful not to run after being yelled at one too many times by the lifeguard on duty. You smile, getting up to stand, collecting your goggles and clipboard. Adjusting your suit from where it had ridden up while you were sitting, you turn from your place at the pool’s edge and walk over to the group of parents and nannies sitting together on fold-out beach chairs. You talk to them for a little while, mostly verifying that June’s class schedule would be the same and any changes would be sent through text and email.

Eventually the area empties out, students either leaving or going to the other side of the pool where the lanes ended and there was room to play around. Only Henry is left behind, sitting alone on a chair, his chin resting in his hand. You frown, making your way over to him.

“Henry? Where’s your mom?”

It was unlike Nicole to be late. She was always there right on time—more often than not in her own suit, ready to play with Henry as soon as class ended. Henry looks up at you, shakes his head. “My Dad’s picking me up today. He’s in the water. I tried to get his attention but he couldn't hear me.”

Your frown only deepens at Henry’s words, and you follow his gaze to the lane at the far end of the pool. There was a solitary swimmer doing laps, strong arms pulling their large body through the water. You point, brows arched at Henry in question, and he nods. You withhold a sigh. “Alright bud, I’ll go get him.”

You didn’t really like interrupting people from their work out but c’mon dude, your kid’s sitting all by himself! By the time you get to the end of the lane, he’s on the other side, so you have to wait for him to come back towards you. He moves through the water easily, at a slow, leisurely pace. He isn’t frantic like some of the other people doing laps, obviously isn’t in any sort of hurry. You notice that thankfully, he’s not doing any flipturns—you really didn’t feel like trying to grab hold of his ankle.

When his hand comes up to touch the wall in front of you, you reach out to grab at it. He glides away from you easily, but clearly feels your touch because he stops short in the water, jerking up to look at you. He squints at you through his goggles before shoving them up onto his forehead, revealing a pair of warm brown eyes. The skin around them was rimmed red where the goggles had indented his pale skin.

“Are you Henry Barber’s Dad?” You ask him, your tone just a little bit curt. As if on cue, Henry appears at your side, climbing up on top of the starting block and sitting down. The man in the water looks from you, to Henry, and back again.

“Yes, is something wrong?”

“Swim practice is over, Sir.”

His eyes widen, and he pulls one of his arms out of the water to look at the watch on his wrist. He has to shove away the dripping hair that was stuck to his face, but apparently he realizes the time because he looks back up at his son as he treads water. “Henry, you said 2:30!”

Henry shrugs, as if he neither cared nor remembered what time he’d told his father the lesson was over. You step away as the man in the water swims to the edge of the pool.

“I’m so sorry. I had my timer set, I just thought it ended later.”

His apology makes your irritation fade a little. You saw a lot of parents haul their kids in and out of here, trying to dump them off wherever they could so they didn’t have to deal with them. You can admit you may have jumped to conclusions about Mr. Barber; just because he wasn’t Nicole didn’t mean he wasn’t paying attention to his son.

You watch as the man ducks his head underwater, coming up with his goggles in one hand and the other slicking his wet, shaggy hair back. Doing so reveals a long neck leading up to a pair of big ears that stuck out from his head a little—they matched his prominent nose, but not in a bad way. You thought it was an oddly handsome mix of features.

He reaches up to the starting block, handing Henry his goggles. The boy takes them obediently before climbing back down to the ground. You give him a small smile, but you get distracted again—this time by the sight of Mr. Barber planting his large hands on the concrete pool ledge and hauling himself up, water cascading down his body in rivulets.

He climbs out easily, somehow graceful for someone so hulking. You look him over as he emerges, your stomach doing a weird funny dance that you really wish it wouldn’t. He had big feet, connecting to trim calves and large thighs. His shorts left little to the imagination with the way they were plastered to his skin, but they weren’t necessarily revealing—maybe you were just imagining a little too much. His torso was broad and strong, a little soft round the middle but in a way where you just knew there was plenty of muscle under that small bit of cushion.

Firm pecs and arms, stark collarbones—there were droplets of water settling in the delicate hollow of his throat. You blink, tearing your gaze away from them, face burning as your brain tells you to lick them away. Fuck, what was wrong with you?

Then that angular face, endearing ears, strong nose, beauty marks--and plush lips that were now turned up into a friendly smile. You’re quick to return the expression, hoping you don’t look as ridiculous as you feel. Shit, he was hot. Henry’s dad was hot.

“Can you go get my towel, honey?” His voice shakes you out of it, and you watch as Henry moseys over to their bags. Mr. Barber clears his throat before holding out his hand for you to shake. When you do, his palm practically engulfs yours, his long fingers sliding over your wrist. You blink at them, then at him. In the back of your mind your subconscious supplies one single coherent thought: no wedding ring.

“I’m Charlie,” he introduces himself, brown eyes alight, “I’m so sorry again. I’ll get the schedule right next time.”

“It’s no worries. Mistakes happen,” you hear yourself saying, as if you weren’t just ready to chew him out not two minutes ago. “Will you be picking him up regularly?”

Charlie nods, looking over when Henry comes back with a towel. He ruffles his son’s hair in thanks before wrapping the towel around his shoulders. You can’t help but be just a little disappointed to see all his bare skin leave your gaze.

“Yeah, I’ll be bringing him and picking him up. I’ve been in New York for business, but I’m back for the time being. Nicole’s schedule changed so she won’t be able to drive him. Hopefully I can use the free time to do laps.”

You nod. You’re nodding a lot actually. Maybe you should stop.

“Okay, sounds good! I mean, just let me know if anything changes. I don’t have you on the roster so you won’t have my number but Nicole does. I can—If you’d like I can give you the contact list for everyone.”

“I’d appreciate that, thanks.”

You nod—again—and turn to go back over to your things, grabbing your clipboard. You can hear Henry and Charlie talking as they follow you; they seem to be discussing what to have for a late lunch. You take a deep breath, bracing yourself for super-hot-dripping-wet-man before you make your way to where they were picking up their bags.

“So I have everyone’s information here but I only laminated enough sheets for the parents I had on the roster.” You wince, apologetic, but Charlie shrugs it off.

“Oh, that’s understandable. I can probably get everything from Nicole.”

“I can just give you my number and send everything to you,” you respond, unthinking. Charlie looks at you, head cocked to the side, a small little smile of amusement quirking his lips up. You backtrack, trying not to speak too fast.

“I mean, all the parents have my number, so! It's not a big deal, I can just give it to you now and send everything through text—do you text? Email works too.” Nice save, you chastise yourself.

Charlie nods, that little smirk still on his face, like he’s been humored. He digs into his bag before pulling out his phone, rubbing his hands on his towel before plucking in the code. “Okay, I’m ready.”

You recite your number to him and he saves it quickly before taking another look at his watch.

“Shit, Henry, we gotta go, your mom said you need to be at your cousins' house by 3:30.” He glances back at you, looking slightly apologetic. “I’ll see you next time—ends at 2:15, right?”

There’s a twinkle in his eye as he says it, like it’s your little inside joke. It makes you smile, and you nod at him. “Yep. See you then.”

He and Henry make their way towards the locker room in a rush, Charlie reassuring Henry that they’d go through a drive-thru on the way home. You watch them leave, your heart still pitter-pattering in your chest. Mr. Barber would be the one at practice now—he’d be swimming. You’d get to talk to him; get to see him like that again.

You can’t fucking wait.

—————————————————-

The next lesson, you pay more attention. When Henry comes out of the locker room, goggles already strapped onto his head, he’s shadowed by the lumbering form of his father. A father who was dressed in nothing but a pair of swim trunks and a towel slung around his shoulders. You try to pretend like your eyes haven’t just slid over his body hungrily, busying yourself with double checking your attendance sheet.

After a couple moments there’s a gentle tap on your shoulder. When you turn, you’re faced with those stupid broad shoulders. You look up and into Charlie’s kind face.

“I’ve got the right time today, I promise.” He lifts his wrist, tapping his watch. You think, idly, that he really didn’t have to come over just to tell you that. Most parents didn’t talk with you beforehand, and barely afterwards. But you indulge him—or maybe yourself—and respond.

“Oh, good. Didn’t really want to try to grab hold of you again. Last time you were on a roll, nearly pulled me in. I would not have been happy.”

“Well I’m certainly glad that didn’t happen. I wouldn’t want Henry getting kicked out of class on my account.” He quips, an easy grin now on his face, revealing crooked front teeth and pointy incisors. Shit, how was he getting even cuter? You shake your head, his attitude lifting yours, making you feel more comfortable with your conversation.

“Oh no, I’d never do that to my best student. I’d just have to kick you out. Send you over to the senior aerobics class.”

Charlie laughs, his head tilting back a little, letting his artfully swept-back hair brush further over his shoulders. It looked feathery soft all dry like this; you wanted to reach out and touch it. Down, girl, you tell yourself.

You glance over at your little group of students; it finally looked like everyone had arrived. Charlie seems to notice this as well because he takes a tiny half-step away from you.

“Well I’ll be in the far lane if you need anything.”

‘Like what?’ your brain supplies, but before you can embarrass yourself by actually asking the question, he’s giving you a half-wave and tiptoeing across the wet tile to the lap lanes. Clearing your throat, you return to your clipboard, forcing yourself to take roll again before starting the class.

Things continue like this for the next two weeks. You suddenly can’t remember how you ever got through life without your three-days-a-week vision of Charlie Barber in a swimsuit. You know you shouldn’t be absolutely shamelessly lusting over one of your student’s fathers, but hey, like you’d just said: absolutely shameless. As long as you weren’t obviously drooling over him, it was fine, right?

He wasn’t just nice to look at. He was kind, not only to you and Henry, but to the other students and family members as well (whenever he was out of the pool in enough time to speak with them). He even volunteered to help drive Lilah to practice for two days when her mom got sick, even though her house was out of his way. Bare minimum? Maybe. But it’s not like you knew this man. He was pretty, he was funny, he was sweet. That was it. He could be a serial killer for all you knew—a larger, perpetually wet, Ted Bundy type.

So maybe you’d give yourself a pass for choosing to believe he really was as lovely as he seemed.

One Saturday you’re at the community center, laying outside under the warm sun as you let yourself air dry. You normally didn’t work weekends but one of the other instructors had a family emergency, and you’d agreed to cover her practice. It was a group of about ten 11-12 year olds, and they were pretty self sufficient when it came to doing their regular routine, so it really wasn’t any extra stress. An extra pay cheque was nothing to complain about.

You’ve got your eyes closed, breathing slowly and steadily, feeling just a little sleepy in the heat of the day. By now, the sound of splashing water and laughing kiddos was a comfort; you could probably pop a recording on at night and fall asleep to it like some weird white noise track. Suddenly there’s a little prickle in the back of your brain—the strange but familiar feeling that someone was there next to you. You look up, shielding your eyes from the glare of the sun, and there is Charlie Barber in all his half-dressed glory.

His eyes widen, mouth falling open in a little ‘o’—then he’s ducking his head, moving a hand up to rub at the back of his neck. He looks sheepish at being caught. “Hi. Sorry, I—I didn’t know if you were asleep, I didn’t want to wake you.”

“I wasn’t asleep.” You say kindly, sitting up and giving him what you hope is a warm smile. He returns it, running a hand through his dark hair.

“I wasn’t, uhm, here for long. I mean I wasn’t watching you or anything.”

Your brows arch of their own accord, and his pretty pale face turns red.

“… You know, I thought saying that would make me seem like less of a creep but I don’t think it worked.”

“No, I don’t think it did.” You say, but you’re holding back a laugh. Charlie huffs, shaking his head at himself, the corners of his full lips twisting up into a self-deprecating smirk. Your gaze falls from his face to his chest, and your brain clutches greedily at the image even as you quickly cast your eyes towards the pool.

“Where’s Henry?”

Charlie shifts from one foot to another, a rueful smile on his face. “I’m not ‘Dad’ today. Just Charlie. Henry’s up in San Francisco with Nicole.”

“Oh.” You’re surprised, and Charlie seems to notice. He gestures to the lounge chair beside you, brows arched in question. When you nod your assent, he sits.

“I’ve started coming here by myself. I like doing laps, and I’m slowly but surely trying to expose myself to the California sun.” He chuckles, stretching his long legs out in front of himself. Your eyes track the movement, watching the muscles in his thighs flex. God, he wasn’t fair.

“—Which, ah, reminds me.” His tone now sounds a little apprehensive and it gets your attention. He’s digging in the pocket of his trunks and comes out with a bottle of sunscreen, the item dwarfed in his large hand. “So this is embarrassing, but if I don’t put this shit on I turn red as a lobster. Usually I make Henry do my back because, you know, that’s what your kids are for but he’s not here today and I don’t know a single person here but you and, well…”

He trails off, apparently not able to finish his request. His honey brown eyes peek up at you from where he had his head ducked, hair falling into his face. You knew what he was asking, and there was no way you weren’t saying yes, no matter how many alarm bells in your head were telling you not to indulge.

“Sure,” you hear yourself saying. “Hand it over.” You reach out and he looks relieved as can be; he passes the bottle to you, long fingers brushing your palm.

“Thanks, I really appreciate it. Last time I didn’t put sunscreen on my back I couldn’t sleep for a whole week. I’ve got a shit pain tolerance.” He flashes you a grin that can only be described as nervous before he’s sitting up straight and rotating himself until he has his back to you. You stare at the expanse of ivory skin covering firm muscle. Jesus H Christ.

You flick open the bottle, dispensing some of the cream into your hands. You realize maybe you should say something in return. “A whole week, huh? Sounds a little excessive.”

Charlie scoffs. “You try excessive when you hurt too bad to sleep any way but on your front, and then your son launches himself on top of you in the morn—EEENG!”

The yelp he lets out as the cold sun lotion hits his skin makes you burst out laughing, your whole body shaking as your hands rub against the backs of his shoulders. The back of his neck is quickly turning red, likely from embarrassment, and you find it within yourself to choke out an apology. “Sorry! Sorry, I—that was mean of me.”

“You’re fucking right it was!” His response is immediate, but when he turns his head to the side to eye you from his peripheral you can see he’s grinning, a dimple denting his cheek. You can’t keep the smile off your face even as your gaze turns to where you were touching him. You tell yourself you’re studying to make sure all of the cream gets spread evenly but you find your eyes tracing the smattering of freckles that decorated his skin.

Delicate constellations made their way from shoulder to broad shoulder, dipping down his spine. Your hands move with your gaze, down his ribs, noting when he shifts in his seat, arching away from you wherever he was ticklish. You have to stop and get a refill of sunblock, doing it blindly as you were too focused on the beauty marks that graced his form.

You want to stay like this forever, touching him. You want to memorize every little spot on his skin with your lips, want to drape yourself over him and press your cheek against one of those firm shoulders. You’d tend to the ones on his face, too; press as many kisses to the dimples on his cheeks as the dimples on his lower back.

… But you can’t. You won’t. Instead, you rub in the cream until it’s disappeared from view, and then tap his bicep. “There ya go. All done!”

He turns back to face you, a strange expression on his face; it’s gone before you can begin to try to decipher it. In its place is his normal, gentle, Charlie Barber smile: plush lips turned slightly up at the ends. “Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course, anytime.” Anytime. Fucking hell, did you really just tell him that you would rub lotion into his skin anytime??

Charlie huffs out a quiet laugh, but it’s not one that makes you feel self-conscious—it’s not a laugh at you. It almost seems like he's laughing at himself. You chew on your bottom lip as he reaches across the space between the two of you and plucks the bottle of sunscreen from the chair. “Well, I’ll leave you be. I’ll see you on Monday?”

You nod, your whole body mourning when he stands, towering over you once again, the distance suddenly much too far.

“Yeah,” you say softly. “See you on Monday.”

You watch him lumber off towards the pool, alabaster skin shiny under the summer sun. Sigh.

________________________________

“My dad likes you.”

You arch your brows at Henry, giving him a look. It was Monday, and the two of you were sitting outside under a giant umbrella, waiting for Charlie to arrive. He’d texted you earlier that morning, frantic, saying he had a meeting that got moved around and now it ended at 2:00; he was worried he’d be late to pick up Henry. You’d assured him that it was fine, that you didn’t mind waiting with Henry until he got there.

You expected the boy to take the time for free play in the pool, especially since outside had a slide instead of the regular diving boards inside. But nope—Henry had plopped down right next to you and started talking.

“He thinks you’re pretty. He wants you to be his girlfriend.”

“Henry!” You scold him even as you laugh, shaking your head, cheeks aflame. He shrugs, matter of fact.

“It’s true. He told me.”

“Oh did he?” You don’t believe him for a second. Henry was known for being mischievous. Never any harm done, but he enjoyed his jokes and pranks. This was probably just another outlet for him.

“Yeah. I asked him in the car. I said ‘Miss Y/N is pretty’ and he agreed.”

You hum, thoroughly amused. You didn’t dare entertain the thought of Charlie Barber thinking you were pretty. He was just so…him. There was no way.

“I see.” You finally say, not quite knowing how to respond but not wanting to leave Henry hanging. The boy sighs, flopping down to lean against the back of the chair. You lean back yourself, legs crossed at the ankle, studying him. “What?”

He shrugs again, shoulders heaving dramatically. “Also he acts all weird around you. He always messes with his hair to make sure it looks nice.”

“He does not.”

“Does too!” Henry chirps, and you laugh, causing him to laugh in return. The two of you giggle together before movement at the outside gate catches your eye. There was Charlie, dressed in dark slacks and a blue button down, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He catches your eye and waves, before running a hand through his dark hair, as if desperately trying to fix it. You blink, and turn to look at Henry.

Henry grins.

[cutemeat]

talkin abt how they should give mac smth to hide again YES exactly

[dirt-grub]

the struggle to get another chapter out vs the struggle to pass my four studio classes LOL

[thedevilsinthenextroom]

[branw3lls]

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1ppdMEG3xYPTICkqSjrrJA?si=yo4DwTvSRKitzvYcQ0bROw)

a playlist for everyone’s favorite bright, young thing- matthew fairchild

[charrfie]

-

[live-like-ghibli]

You ever just get flooded with resentment out of the blue

[raymond-of-the-palms]

Nate: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or at 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

Sara: No, that's not how you make cookies.

Charlie: FLOOR IT.

Zari: How about 400,000 degrees for one second?

Sara: YOU'RE GONNA BURN THE SHIP DOWN.

Mick: More of a reason to do it.

Constantine: I'M GONNA HARVEST THE POWER OF THE BLOODY SUN TO MAKE COOKIES.

Charlie: DO IT.

Sara: NO–

[peachedboyfriend]

Ughhh I went into the clinic I go to for my doctor appointments n stuff to get bloodwork done but they turned me away cause it hasn’t been a full week since I did my last shot and I have to go back in on Monday. I understand why, but the clinic is like a 40 minute trip both ways and it’s such a pain in the ass to go there

[tatakaetime07]

˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚jealousy,jealousy e.m

A/n:This is my first fic so I'm very sry if its crappy lol,just wanted to write some Eddie fluff,also this is set a bit after Season 4 and basically nothing has happened sooo

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Gn!Reader!Platonic!

Summary: When your best friend Eddie Munson and you end up going to a party he gets a little jealous and you learn of new insecurities(sry if this is a bad summary I tried💀)

Warnings:Angst that ends with fluff,slight cursing,alchohol usage,a bit ooc lol

Word count-1.1k

______

You wondered how you had gotten in such a predicament,you were currently laying in your bed cuddling your best friend Eddie Munson.How may you ask?Well a few hours before your best friend asked you to go with him to a party he had been invited too.

You were never really the partying type but this didn't happen a whole lot and you wanted to hang out with your friend.So you ended up going,but reallly just became a babysitter due to Eddie getting super drunk.And even though he drank a lot it didn't stop him from acting like an idiot.

Halfway through you and Eddie split up,you going and talking to some other friend while he was dared into a drinking contest with another senior named Jason.You rolled your eyes but be insisted he could handle it.So you left him and ended up having a relatively good time with your other friends,you even met a nice boy named Charlie.

He was cute and sweet so when he asked if you wanted to exchange number you silently jumped in excitement,but you suppose that's when it went a bit wrong.

As you found a piece of paper to write your number on you were stopped when two lanky arms coiled around your form in a possessive hold.You were about to shout but stopped when you noticed who the familiar figure was making you look up in shock.

You were met with a glaring Eddie who refused to stare back at you,instead keeping his gaze on the poor boy in front of you,no doubt scaring him,although he practically did that to everyone sober anyway.It was weird,his dark eyes were narrowed and his jaw clenched,you bad never seen him like that before.

You felt him drag you by the shoulders as he continued glaring daggers at Charlie.You looked over to the said boy and quickly began apologizing,telling him you'd find him later,but being rushed outside before you could finish.

Once outside on some balcony you quickly jumped out of Eddie's grasp.

"What was that for!?"You whisper-shouted to him with a furious look,seeing as there was some other couple that was inside but still near you.

They walked away,which is when you turned to Eddie once more,only then noticing how wobbly he was.You sighed.

"How many did you drink??"Referring to the bottles he'd been challenged to drink.

You heard him chuckle stupidly before holding up 5 his fingers.You stared at him incredulously before mentally slapping yourself on the head.

You were able to walk down the many stairs with Eddie practically dangling from your side.Once you got to your car you helped him into the passenger seat before getting in on your side.

A few minutes later you arrived at your house where your parents hadn't been at for the past week due to going on a business trip in California.Because of that you decided Eddie could crash at your place but only after calling his uncle.

After helping him onto your bed you slid his arm off your shoulder making him fall onto his back.He mumbled something incoherently as his eyes opened slightly.

"Oh sorry,I'll er,go get you some water."You whispered in a low tone as you went to walk away towards the kitchen.

You stopped for a moment when you felt a tug on the hem of your flannel shirt.You looked over your shoulder and chuckled.

"Don't leave meee."Eddie whined as he looked up to you with puppy eyes but you just rolled yours playfully.

"C'mon I'll be right back."He hesitantly let go as you were finally able to get what you need from your kitchen cabinets.You sorted through them,finding a migraine pill knowing his hangover would be nasty and some water.

You went back to your room as you set down the water and the pill on a shelf near your bed.

" 'Go to a party,' they said,'It'll be fun,' they said."You muttered as you put your hands on your hips,looking down at your friends groggy state,and who was seemingly asleep.

You decided you would just sneak back out into your living room and sleep on the couch.But of course,Eddie was relentless and yanked your arm causing you to fall on the bed beside him.

You felt him slightly move so he could cage you into a hug.

"Really?"He said nothing,just looking at you with a stupid smirk.

"Yeah,yeah,just don't hog the blankets."You huffed as he triumphantly chuckled and laid his head in top of yours,hiding a large smile.

"I'm so drunk right now."He whispered as he adjusted to a more comfortable position.

You chortled,"No,really?"

He gently hit his chin against your head making you wince,"Hey!"

He laughed as he nestled his face into your hair and breathed in the sweet scent of vanilla he always found comforting.

You both sat in a comfortable silence for a bit before it was interrupted with Eddie's tired voice.

"(Y/n)?"

You hummed in acknowledgement,melting into his touch as he gently caressed the back of your head.Playing with a strand of your hair.You could still smell the lingering scent of wood and beer,although that wasn't really unusal for him.

"I'm sorry."You turned to gaze at him,going on your side then facing him.

"Hm?For what?"You saw his face flash with a look of guilt.

"Uh..sorry for pulling you away from your er,friend."You stayed quiet as you suddenly remembered the little incident,having almost entirely for gotten about it,you really just shaved it up to Eddie just being a bit drunk but you supposed it was a tad more deep then that.

Without knowing in your silence you began to slightly worry your long haired friend,he was never really good with mushy stuff and he as afraid he would say something and mess up.

You were a bit surprised when he continued,"Its just..y'know ever since Chrissy died I feel like somehow my luck will worsen and something will happen and you'll disappear too,or maybe you'll find a way better friend who doesn't have these problems-"

Eddie stifled a small gasp as he felt you tighten the hug you were currently in,stopping him from his little ramble.You weren't really surprised drunk Eddie would get all defensive but now it made more sense,why he had been more weird about how you were being bullied,walking you home when you didn't have a ride.

You didn't really know Chrissy but you could tell she left an impact on your dear friend,and your heart ached for him.

"Oh Eds.."It was a nickname he usually hated but coming from you he didn't really mind,"I promise I won't leave,ever.And no one could be a better friend than you."

Your eyes slightly widened as you heard him sniffle dramatically."Are you..crying?"

"What?No."He denied quickly as he sniffled again,this time more real.You shook your head against his chest as you smiled lightly.

"Well just don't wipe your snot in me."He lightly hit his chin against yours once more as he pretended to wipe his nose on your hair.

"Ew,ew,ew,quit that!"You both laughed as he held you a bit tighter.Almost like if he were to let go you would disappear.

"Night kitty."He mumbled against your hair,you initially scoffed at the pet name but your heart still swelled.

"Night Eds."He chuckled before yawning,knowing he had nothing to worry about,knowing you would always stick together.

[lulu-zodiac]

Heyy!

Which scenes, according to you, are the most underrated jacting joices scenes? I personally think the soft voice even when it is supposed to be an angry scene. I know people have talked about this before but I think it isn't being talked about that much. The way Jensen's voice softens at the end of an "angry don't-do-anything-stupid" lecture Dean is giving to Cas. Dammit Jensen you're supposed to act angry here!

-🤠

oh boy, you should NOT have asked me about this lol. i could go on about jacting joices for literal hours (and to be fair, i kind of have).

personally, i think that ALL the jacting joices scenes are wildly underrated. but these would be my top 11:

1) the Fist Clench (pt1)

okay, i know this one is probably one of the best-known jacting joices scenes, but i felt i couldn't make a post about jacting joices without including it because HOLY HELL WHAT EVEN WAS THIS. also honestly? although it's talked about quite a lot, i still think it's underrated for how completely insane it is. jackles literally chose to play dean getting fucking visibly turned on by the return of a man he's just spent the last year searching for, and the producers just rolled with it.

2) the Fist Clench (pt2)

oh man this moment is fucking everything. there was absolutely NO REASON for jackles choosing to quietly clench his fist after dean touches cas. absolutely no reason at all. but he did, and it says so much. the crushed yearning in this scene is absolutely wild, and purely down to jackles and his wondrous jacting joices.

3) literally any scene in which dean interacts with people from the LGBT+ community

i mean. okay. just click through this post. the goddamn nuance of expression jackles gives dean when he's faced with LGBT characters is SO CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED. the fear, the defensiveness, the hope?? jackles chooses and has has always chosen to play dean in a way that is profoundly suggestive of dean's struggle to accept his bisexuality, and, as a bisexual who spent a lot of time in the closet, it is entirely too realistic.

the jacting joices in this scene with charlie are absolutely everything.

4) this entire scene with dean and aaron

i know i basically covered this above, but i feel like this scene deserves its own moment because jesus christ. the jacting choices here are a LOT. if anyone was in any doubt about dean's sexuality before this scene, they certainly weren't afterwards. jackles really said i'm gonna play dean bi and went all out and i'm so here for it.

5) dean's expression the first time he hears cas's name

gif credit: @theplushbear

okay THIS SCENE. this might just be my favourite jacting joice of all time. because holy shit, the wide-eyed, vulnerable recognition?? the pure, unguarded hope in his eyes when he hears cas's name for the first time?? absolutely insane. this is an expression unlike any we've seen dean wear before, full of this hopeful, fearful kind of reverence that is just absolutely stunning.

jackles, you did this. you set destiel up before cas even walked into that barn.

6) any scene where dean touches cas

the fact that jackles chooses to always play dean touching cas in ways that are so soft and tender and lingering, even amidst violence, will never not make me loose my mind. here are some further complications just to help you lose yours too.

7) LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN PURGATORY

i don't really think i need to elaborate on this, do i??

8) this fucking scene in heaven can't wait

the performative masculine bravado? the barely-concealed, agonised yearning? the way dean's smile slips off his face the moment cas looks away? the way everything about dean's body language and expression just screams heartbreak and regret???JACKLES I AM ASKING YOU TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF (also: thank you).

9) dean watching dr sexy fuck someone

okay, jackles. i mean. just. okay.

10) all of the (many, many) moments dean checks cas out

i know we talk about it a lot already, but i feel like it can never be talked about enough just how many goddamn times jackles chose to play dean blatantly checking cas out. in ways that were like, completely unrelated to anything else that was going on in the episode. just for the sake of it. god bless the jacting joices.

11) dean's reaction to cas's confession

the jacting joices in this scene are so, so underrated.

the silent disbelief and agony and hope are so beautifully acted i'm literally just tearing up looking at gifs of it.

i know we all wanted dean to respond to cas's confession, but honestly? the jacting joices in this scene speak as loud as dean's words ever could. the way you can see dean wordlessly pleading for it not to be true because means they've wasted all this time combined with the helpless hope of realising what he's wanted for so long really belongs to him. just. wow.

i mean, the conflict, the depth, the nuance of dean's expressions?? jackles deserves so many awards for literally everything about this scene. god bless his jacting joices for giving us the reciprocal confession we were denied out loud.

sorry this ended up being so insanely long! clearly i have a lot of feelings about jacting joices...

i love your observation about him using a soft voice when speaking to cas, even when it's an angry scene. that's honestly not something i picked up on before, but you're absolutely right.

thank you so much for giving me the excuse to ramble about jacting joices all evening! <3

[wizkiddx]

hiiiii !!! if you are accepting requests at the moment, can i ask something about reader and tom expecting a baby, one day while he’s drunk she sees him flirting with another women and when she confronts him he snaps at her and tells her he’s not ready for this “shit”. So they broke up and broke contact for months, until he shows in her apartment regretting his words and they talk but she suddenly at that moment gets into labor?!? I remember seeing a concept similar in a movie but I would love if you couldn’t bring it to life! Thank you so much in advance, appreciate your work a lot 🧸🤎

right so I loved this so much it has become a multiple parter and im not even going to apologise. so thanku so so much anon for getting me out a little rut!!!

summary: when toms caught out all hope looks lost - probs part 1 of 3 but it could get a bit longer too lol

warnings: serious angst, reference to abortion, cheating, a whole lot of swearing (im British sorry not sorry)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hi babe, just to let you know Yamna’s invited me out for dinner this evening so don’t worry if you get home early and im not back! I love you x”

It was a spur of the moment plan, which was a rarity recently. The past 5 months since you’d found out, you could name barely 5 occasions you’d been out past 8 oclock- trading your heels for fuzzy slippers and dresses for massively oversized tops and joggers. It wasn’t how you had expected to be spending the summer before your 25th birthday but it was now your life. The rooftop bars, the wild nights, the get aways had all sort of been cancelled for… for the rest of your life.

Because an 8 month pregnant belly isn’t something you can ignore.

Sure…. it wasn’t the plan. Not the plan to be pregnant with your boyfriend of only 6 months, who at the time you didn’t even live with. But you were making it work. And now, you were just excited. It was the start of a new story with Tom, and you’d got past the phase of being sad and mourning your youth. Because the little bubba inside of you, she was pretty awesome and you really couldn’t wait to meet her.

So yes, you had been home alone eating ice cream from a tub when Yamna knocked on the door. She’d been one of your best mates for as long as you could remember so when she’d turned up unannounced with mascara smeared under her eyes you’d cancelled your plans of a pathetic alone evening. Her boss had just given her the sack - which was no surprise. He was a backwards tory old git who couldn’t handle the fact Yamna was a woman doing the job better than he could ever dream of.

So yes, you’d suggested going out to the fancy new bar down the road - to celebrate the fact she no longer had to put up with the arsehole. Obviously you couldn’t drink and neither did Yamna, but you go to a bar for the atmosphere - and the selection of mocktails they had was insane.

Your boyfriend Tom was already out, he said he had a meeting and then dinner with some execs he needed to shmoosh. Of course you didn’t mind, but he had been working a lot recently, in order to be able to have the time off when your baby girl arrives.

So after sending a little text and giving Yamna another hug to try and turn the evening from disappointment to celebration you walked out the door with a smile on your face. Maybe you could pretend, just for an evening to not be pregnant and whale-like?

///////////////////////////

The bar was just a 10 minute walk so it wasn’t long before the two of you were soaking up the atmosphere. It was all decorated in a rustic fashion, with old exposed wood and dangling lightbulbs from the ceiling and the drinks were incredible. The type that have dry ice or flames or some other sort of fantastical display of edible decorations. Even Yamna had perked up, especially when a guy from the table across had bought you both a round of drinks.

“I’m just gonna pop to the loo.”

“Do you really need the toilet or do you just want to parade infornt of the fit rich man who keeps looking at you?”

“ Is both an option?” You laughed as Yamna slipped off her stool, winking rather dramatically as she did so. She was unbelievable - but at least this way she wasn’t thinking about her work, or lack thereof, anymore.

Happily you sat scrolling though your phone, seeing that tom had messaged you with an okay, before flicking through instagram.

And that was where the happiness ended.

For in a hurried manner, with a face looking a lot more ghosted than when she left, Yamna took her seat again.

“Are you okay?” Immediately your worry took over, the way she was biting her lip and not meeting your eyes not helping.

“I um yeh-yeh. Just I think I saw Tom.”

“Tom as in my Tom?” Her almost guilty looking nod had your scrunching your eyebrows, why was it such a big deal Tom was inside?

“He didn’t see me I don’t think but er… he just looked pretty close to a girl and I-“

To be honest you stopped listening at that point, heart dropping out the bottom of your chest. Because it made sense, he had been so distant recently and even if you’d been lying to yourself that it were work - this seemed much more likely. Whilst nodding along, pretending to listen to Yamna, instead your attention was solely focused on fiddling with the promise ring he’d got you after the two of you decided to keep the baby. He’d been so committed, so ready for this unexpected news. He’d said he was in for the long haul.

“Y/n?”

“sorry I um… it’s probably just a work colleague he needs to sweet talk. I’ll um-I’ll just go say hello.”

“I’m coming with you.” She spoke astutely, very much forcing herself into the situation.

“No no I’ll… I’ll come back if I need you, just wait here.”

Her face was so grim and destitute, as much as you were pretending it was okay - you knew it wasn’t. Before Yamna could protest further, you slipped off your seat ( clumsily thanks to the elephant belly) and walked with fake confidence back inside.

It took you barely 3 seconds to hone in on Tom, call it mothers intuition. He was on a booth in the corner with 5 others on his table but none of whom you recognised. It was 2 other guys and 3 girls - the six all paired off in mathcingly initimate conversations. Apart from that you payed almost zero attention to the others, attention solely focused on your boyfriend and the girl he had his arm round.

She was everything you weren’t. She was skinny - you, as previously mentioned, looked like you had a beachball stuffed under your top. She was blonde with sleek and perfectly styled waves at the tips of her long her - yours was thrown into a messy bun due to the last minute plans.

Most importantly - right now she was wrapped in Toms arms, whilst you stood alone watching.

God knows what came over you, but with confidence you never normally had you marched up to the table, just waiting at the end. One of the men you didn’t recognised, arrogantly asked you ‘can I help you’ - but you completely disregarded it, eyes solely fixed on Tom. He took a moment more to look away from the leggy girl, but as soon as he did his eyes grew massively wide.

“Y/n I-I-“

“Fancy bumping into you, I thought you were out with work executives?” Frantically casting his gaze across the table, you could see the cogs whirring to try and come up with an explanation.

“No I-I was but then Charlie here came over, we used to be mates at school and-“

“Oh fuck off Tom., I cant deal with this right now.”

You didn’t even have the energy to listen to his clearly fake excuses as to why he’d landed himself in that situation. You also certainly did not have it in you to maintain the strong face, you could feel everything shattering inside of you.

Because it was so blindingly obvious by how he had acted. You’d caught him out and you both knew it.

And it fucking hurt like hell.

So you exited the bar as fast as physically possible, hearing the shouts of both Yamna and Tom behind you. You didn’t know what you needed in that moment - except that neither of them were the answer. Tom though, presumably the faster of the two, managed to catch up - grabbing your arm to make you halt in the road.

There was this moment between the two of you that time almost seemed to freeze. The two of you, in an otherwise pretty empty residential street, at 9:30 at night, in a moment that you would never have again. From your point of view, you saw the slightly bloodshot and bleary eyes, widened with panic and fear. For Tom he saw the floods of tears down your cheeks, which you hadn’t even noticed were freely streaming.

But in that moment there was, at least, the slightest bit of peace. The slightest bit of hope - that he could explain, that he had some ludicrous but valid reason for the situation you had walked in on. Just a smidgen of hope that this were recoverable.

But then he had to open his bloody mouth.

“Y/n I swear nothing-“

“That didn’t look like fucking nothing!”

“It was I swear! We just-“

“Tom this is your one and only chance. I don’t care if your off your face, if you don’t give my a miracle of a reason as to what the fuck THAT was - then I’m gone.”

“Don’t say that Y/n, you don’t mean th-“ He tried to grab your hand which you snatched away, like you had just scalded it on a hot plate. Like he had hurt you.

“I swear to god I’ve never meant anything more. So cut the shit.”

“FIne-fine! Um so we were at the meeting and then on the way out I bumped into George and hes been a good mate of mine for years.” All you did was hum, arms crossed and making sure you had a metre of distance between the two of you.

“So he said god you look like you need a drink and I agreed because its been stressful as hell recently.”

“Oh its been stressful; for YOU has it? I’m so sorry Thomas, has it been hard for you while i’ve been throwing my lungs up with morning sickness? Has it been stressful that I’ve been running on zero hours sleep because she kicks me all bloody night? ” Your words were laced in a posioned sarcasm, to which Tom just stammered to.

“Please just let me.” Given he was supposed to be fighting for you, he sounded pretty darn defeated already.

“I said yes to the drink.” He skipped out the bit that had angered you, to which you rolled your eyes at. “And one turned into two and more and then I don’t know-“

“Your going to have to try a lot harder than that.” You deadpanned, taking a small step further back still.

“I mean it! The girls were all his friends and we were just talking.”

“Just talking? All pressed up and arms round her?”

“Yes!” As indignant as he retorted, it didn’t not make up for what you had seen with your own eyes.

“Your such a bullshitter Tom!”

“God why wont you just listen to me?” He cried, wobbly doing a little 360 on the spot, in what appeared to be exasperation.

“Because your just spouting fucking lies! And you try and blame it all on poor little tommo being stressed which is-“

“I HAVE BEEN! Running round after you! I’m just tired of this shit!!! So kill me, for having one night of freedom!”

Tom was too deep in his angry lecture to take any notice of you. Which is why, once finished, he waitied, breath heavy and nose flaring. He was waiting for you to scream back at him. To give it back. He was too drunk to notice the change in your demeanor.

“I’m tired of this shit.”

It was just reverberating round your head. Again and again and again. He was tired of your relationship and you hadn’t even become parents yet. He was at his wits-end and the baby was still unborn. What the fuck was going to happen when baby arrived? Clearly there was no hope. It was dead. Your relationship was dead with no chance of revival.

Because he’d said it. Your relationship was shit, and nobody can put up with something they hate for that long. Not 18 years. Not while bringing up a child.

So with a new sense of dread and fear and complete and total isolation you uttered three single words before hysterically running away.

“Don’t follow me.”

Not now, not ever.

?to be continued?

~~~~~~~~~~gahhhh I hope u enjoyed! I also REALLY CANNOT THINK OF A NAME FOR THIS MINISERIES --> if anyone can think of something pls inbox me!!! ~~~~~~~~

tom taglist: @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08 @prancerrparkerr @wildxwidow @Elishi03 @arctic-monkcys @Ownbauer13 @tomhollandlol

[chaos-writes]

Poly! Smiling Friends x reader: movie night

They all like to surprise you, so, one day after working overtime at the Smiling Friends office per Mr. Boss's orders, you decide to tell the group chat that you're walking home from work to help unwind.

The Boys know exactly what to do. They hurry together, shuffle the couches in the living room to look like a big bed, then take one of Charlie's mattress toppers and put that on top of the couch cushions.

Alan and Charlie set the sheets, blankets, and pillows while Pim gathers the snacks in the house and Glep orders your favorite kind of pizza.

By this point, the makeshift couch-bed is loaded with soft and squishy pillows, blankets, and Charlie snuck in a few spritzes of his cologne on the pillows.

Pim also baked his chocolate chunk cookie recipe, which he did as soon as he got home. His recipe has caramel, chocolate chunks, and a little extra brown sugar swirled through the cookie dough, and right before it goes in the oven, it is sprinkled with flaky sea salt. He made two batches bc he knows how popular they are (its also how he got promoted in the office but thats a secret between pin and Mr. Boss lol)

The house is filled with hurried footsteps as they prepare the final details, putting your favorite movie on on the living room TV, the blinds and curtains closed, a fan turned on, and your fav set of extra soft pajamas and some fuzzy socks laid out next to the front door.

Everyone was standing by the front door, waiting for you. Pim, however, kind of spoiled the surprise because he just couldn't wait, as soon as he was able to see you on the sidewalk in front of the house. He grabbed the cookies he made and ran out to you and as he was shoving his cookies into your arms he couldn't help but wrap you up in a tight hug. He led you inside and everyone gave you a group hug while you munch on your cookie.

Even Alan hugged you, which can be rare.

Charlie grabbed your pajamas and led you upstairs and ran a bath for you. You set up a candle, some meditative music, and turned on a dim lamp to avoid any bright, flourescent lights after a long day. Charlie spent the hour next to you, quietly talking with you and holding your hand. He also helped wash your hair. The others (except for Glep, he's sneaky) decided to wait downstairs for the pizza to come to fix you up a plate.

Glep snuck away at the earliest convenience to run upstairs and scare the crap out of Charlie when he wasn't looking, which sent you into a giggle fit. Glep sat himself on your lap and "skjbhsjknsbkshjskn" about his day and about how you did so good at work handling all the files and documents that his work load was a lot lighter, Yada Yada Yada. He is an amazing silence filler.

After your relaxing bath, Charlie helps you get out and dried off, and finally helps dress you in your pajamas. He ends up carrying you piggy-back style to the living room, where the other three are waiting patiently for you.

Alan props himself up against all the squishy pillows and sits you in between his legs leaning up against him. Pim hands you your plate of food and sits off to your left, with his arms wrapped around your left arm. Charlie lays down to your right and keeps a hand on your leg. Glep sits in between your legs and helps balance your plate (he also sneaks a few bites of your food, but he's too cute to be mad at 🥰)

You all fall asleep together in a big, warm, snuggly pile. It's a perfect way to end the work week and kick off a nice, peaceful weekend. Well, as peaceful as it can get with 4 boys around...

[randomshipperhere]

Watched the twitch stream w/ Jack and here are some notes

It’s interesting that Jack was supposed to be an actual character in the show and Mark still hasn’t told him who it is. I wonder if that character is supposed to be part of the noir-verse since I think that’s where Jack would fit

Watching Corridor Crew helped Mark understand VFX better. That’s really cool!

The dummy truly is the MVP

Their friendship is so cute. Mark feeling bad for not being able to watch Jack’s HDWGH Documentary because he was busy and Jack assuring him it’s alright. Awww

ISWM Premiere stories!!! He pulled out from a hat a name of someone present there and that’s how they chose where to go

As always the crew is left confused but following their oh so great leader lol

Talk about the original plan for the How Did We Get Here Tour

Mark giving Jack advice about ADHD stuff

lol Mark pavlov-ing himself with candies. Reminds me of that one Distractible episode

Work stories! Having done a job or two in my life it really is boring. My brain is always just itching to do something or else I get sleepy even if I had an ample amount that day.

Wade is the reason we got the Pokemon smash or pass video.

ADHD stories

All the Way getting a gold record.

Schmoyoho’s Space is so cool is in the show. Minor spoiler is it’s going to be more prevalent in Part 2

Guess I’m gonna relisten to the jazz music in the film noir-verse

I Don’t Want To Be Free story time. I vaguely remember the place but I do remember the part of the story where they had to memorize it in less than an hour from the AHWM explanation stream

A boar spear?!

Sheesh stories about the US seriously scare me. You guys can have weapons and firearms????

Mike the butterfly knife guy

Speaking of knives, my dream of the day was just Amy posting more pics of herself on set and one of them she was doing a cool dynamic pose like Zoro when he has his swords out but instead of swords, its knives. Followed by a cute one of just her messing on set.

TF2 mention from Mark 😭 I miss playing that game. My laptop literally plays at 10fps and lagging so much and I just had to delete it.

Having watched the amazon self defense video recently I do remember that “tactical whip”.

Jack focusing TOTM. Good on you for taking things slow this time ‘round.

I’m sorry guys but I’m more of a tea person in general. Unless its really sweet I just don’t drink it (and is it really coffee at that point?)

Charlie (moistcritikal) mention :DDDD reading the live chat reminded me there’s that unfinished business about the pole dancing challenge! Right! That was a thing! I hope they collab at some point

That 59:00 speech onwards. I want to give him a standing ovation. Maaarkkk that was super duper sweet! He truly gets it

Jack outright calling Mark a himbo. Bro, Mark’s ego is getting stroked because of you.

And it’s not alright for my heart because well, it’s like an open secret. You just don’t go saying it out loud even if we all know it. But it does make me incredibly happy. I should clip that sometime but I’m tired right now.

Mark thinking of a 2nd nudes calendar... uhh... hmm...

The boner cast bois doing a collab soon-ish? starting with Big Foot maybe??

Gosh hearing them just chatting and catching up is so nice~

[delicrieux]

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

queen rly went from  🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

[cutemeat]

obsessed w the stuck in a drive thru episode idea. if u can expand on that please do, but at the very least i need to know what restaurant. is it mcdonald's? i think it would add a lot if it was mcdonald's. just my two cents tho.

OH YEAH I DEFINITELY WAS THINKIN MCDONALDS UR RIGHT ON TRACK BRO

Basically my whole pitch is that uh… Frank/Charlie become really obsessed with this coveted ‘secret menu item’ that Charlie told Frank about and they don’t have a working car atm cuz Charlie had to use one of the tires for something ‘personal’ (no he will not specify further) and last resort Frank agrees to pay Dee’s rent (utilities included) for the next five months if she drives them— she bargains with him for seven months and then they’re off! (Basically in my mind Waitress works at the bar by this point so she gets dragged along.. even tho they supposedly hire her to ‘tend bar while we’re gone’ cuz uh. Dee likes her company even if she won’t say that out loud hehe)

In the meantime, Mac and Dennis aren’t working that day… but Mac is hungry n says they should just go to McDonalds cuz its fast n thats what these places are for “times like this Dennis— when neither of us wanna cook, there’s no food, and we can’t wait for a real restaurant— this is literally a last resort, dude!” So Dennis gives in and they go…and of course they get there and the line is long n Dennis is like “uhh… no” but Mac insists “it’s gonna be fast Dennis!” But they wind up sitting there for like 2 hours LOL. But again since its macden alone in the car… its basically just that scene from The Cereal Defense (extended).. like we cut from Mac n Dennis harmonizing badly to frank n Charlie screaming at dee about smth LOL