#lol lol lol i am so sorry dont kill me please

[lehhoh7822]

bro i need to be like. idek at this point i have enough problems that whem i go to be like, i should be more normal about this thing that i am passionate about

i just feel sad

like the idea of it is sad to me, i want to care about things and care about them deeply and irrationally

how else will i know im alive

who else is gonna be passionate about it for me? who else? who could encompass the feelings the same? isn't it worth celebrating that i feel deeply and uniquely?

i dont know the merit of cringe other than a joke or that fear of the passion, because caring is scary and caring can hurt and caring can look weird or take work. i don't know the merit of me being like. i need to be more chill about this take a chill pill and shut the fuck up because it feels like hate more than any im ugly ever has

what could be worse than like. your passion is ugly. your caring is ugly. your thoughts and interests and wants do not matter and never will. your passion is ugly. what is more hateful. whats a worse thing i could say to myself

while this is all wholly metaphorical and i think if i go like. but lollll this isn't a realllllll problem like starvinggggggggg to deathhhhhhh there are starving children innnnnn [country], it's the exact same sentiment but in different packaging

and i know there is worse that can be said worse that can be done. you wouldn't be smart to respond to this and be like, what if someone told you that you were the reason like. your mother passed away or some shit that wouldn't be funny you would not have a point more than just being a fucking dick but.

what is more hateful than you, what you want, the proof that you are living and caring and still undefeated by apathy and exhaustion and pain, the things you are passionate about and care about. they do not matter. you do not matter. be quiet. be still. copy pasted from a rant i left in general lollll thought maybe yall would like it

[ilikerosesalot]

forgot to upload this here lol

[widevibratobitch]

so i am singing that vitellia in the end... but at what fucking cost.

'you gotta sing this softer'

'what'

'this is mozart'

'this is vitellia'

'this is mozart'

'im singing about how much i hate this mf and want him dead before the end of the day'

'this is mozart'

'i wanna murder a guy'

'this is mozart'

'...'

'softer. gentle. mozart'

'...ok'

[kimmkitsuragi]

whew haha

[celestie0]

gojo satoru x reader | oneshot smut [18+]

title. around the clock

Hooking up with your little brother’s babysitter? That sounds more like a bad porno than a sensible decision.

ᰔ pairing. babysitter/boxing au - underground boxer & babysitter!gojo x college student!reader (f)

ᰔ summary. when underground boxer gojo satoru becomes a little strapped for cash, he gets a day job as a babysitter for a five-year-old kid named yuuji who most definitely has adhd (but that’s besides the point). the kid’s mom gave gojo two rules, and two rules only: don’t accidentally kill my son, and do not flirt with my daughter. he’s pretty sure he’s got a good hold on the former, but he’s got no self control over the latter.

ᰔ warnings/tags. 18+, fem!reader, smut, casual sex, lil bit of fluff, lil bit of crack, slight age gap (reader’s 22 & gojo’s 27), cum play, creampie, unprotected sex, praise kink, slight degradation, gojo is a sleazebag that cares?, sort of porn-coded smut except there’s a lil bit of lore so it’s kinda porn w plot, uhh having sex with risk of getting caught, gojo beats people up at night & then plays father figure to a 5 y/o during the day, mentions of violence/alcohol/drugs/blood/cigarettes

ᰔ word count. 12.6k

a/n. hiiii friends jeez it feels like FOREVER since i've posted some good ol' smut (still has plot tho xd)...hopefully you enjoy n see ya at the bottom! lmk if i missed any warnings! if you asked to be tagged but didn’t get tagged it’s bc you have your tags off aaa :( even when some ppl tried to fix it i still couldn’t tag them i’m sorry!!

alsoooooo so very much love to @starmapz for beta reading this for me :”) really helped me w my posting nerves haha. she is also a wonderful jjk author pls go check out her works!! 💕 ART CREDITS: @/3-aem

➸ masterlist

2:34 pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): heyy um i’m sorry if this comes off kinda rude i just am kinda bad with this but i was wondering if you could text my mom for questions about yuuji’s care instead of me?

2:46pm Gojo Satoru: Oh 2:46pm Gojo Satoru: Yeah, sure

2:34 pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): sorry i know my mom doesn’t know much ab how to take care of him bc i was the one that took care of him for a while but i just really want to separate myself from that guardian role now that i’ve transferred to NYU yknow? :/ i think it’s not my place anymore. i just wanna be big sis now haha

2:46pm Gojo Satoru: I get it. Sorry if I was making you uncomfortable with my texts

2:48pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): no no not uncomfy by it, thanks for looking after him. it’s just i’m kind of busy n stuff so it can be distracting 

2:49pm Gojo Satoru: Ok, got it

2:52pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): and it was kind of an issue with his last babysitter

2:53pm Gojo Satoru: Oh?

2:55pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): yeahhh like he would keep textinf me n stuff uhh kinda weird things… i told my mom about it and she was super pissed so she fired him

2:55pm Gojo Satoru: Weird things?

2:56pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): yeah he was always “accidentally sexting me” n like he sent me a dick pic once sooooo yeah

2:56pm Gojo Satoru: Who tf 2:56pm Gojo Satoru: I’ll go beat him up

2:57pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): oh no no its fine lol 2:57pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): please dont beat anyone up 2:58pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): i’m not saying you’re like him tho i just think maybe less texting unless its an emergency okay?

3:00pm Gojo Satoru: Are you sure because I will totally go beat him up for you

3:01pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): NO I DONT WANT YOU TO BEAT ANYONE UP FOR ME 3:01pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): also no offense but you dont look like you could beat someone up

3:01pm Gojo Satoru: WHAT 3:02pm Gojo Satoru: Tf you mean “no offense” that’s literally the most offensive thing you could say to a guy

3:04pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): yeaa i mean you have muscles ofc but in the ‘ohhh i wanna look good for instagram’ way and not like real man muscles yknow

3:06pm Gojo Satoru: Ok princess next time you visit home and go on one of your stupidly large grocery hauls I’ll make sure you carry all those groceries in by yourself 

3:06pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): NO 3:07pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): I WAS JUST JOKING 3:07pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): YOURE SO STRONG TY FOR ALWAYS CARRYING THE GROCERIES INSIDE 3:08pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): PLEASE KEEP CARRYING MY GROCERIES INSIDE

3:09pm Gojo Satoru: Nah 3:09pm Gojo Satoru: Should we be texting right now? I’m not sensing any emergencies here

3:11pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): pls. my groceries :(

3:16pm Gojo Satoru: I’ll let the kiddo know you say hi 👋🏼 

The irony of it all was that, if Gojo really wanted to, he absolutely could beat the shit out of someone. And he has, hundreds of times, pseudo professionally. Although that isn’t something he’d admit to you, out of fear that you might relay that info back to your mom who would then become mortified that she’s entrusted her five-year-old son’s life to the hands of an underground boxer. 

But he needed the money. A night-time job didn’t really make daytime money, not when they could easily replace him with the next dude the second he gets knocked out of the ring more than twice, let alone if he let it happen once. And although he sometimes made large sums, it wasn’t stable income. He needed a back-up plan, and so babysitting it was. 

The babysitter working nights at unsanctioned dojos and gyms located in the back of cartel blocks, knocking teeth out of men twice his size, would put any decent mother into a coma or induce some episode of syncope, hence why it wasn’t something he put on his resume before he got hired. Not that he even needed to provide a resume; your mom seemed desperate to cover the position as fast as possible, that promotion at work was moving faster than she wanted to, and Gojo’s beneficial attribute that he possessed as a candidate to look after her son, compared to all the other potential hires, was that he had a penis.

He likes the kid. Yuuji. He’s got kind of a short attention span, and makes Gojo weary of his age. Hold up, that makes him sound like he’s geriatric, he’s really only the ripe old age of twenty-seven, but the immortality and infinite stamina that a five-year-old boy has on him is enough to have him huffing and puffing at the end of every single evening shift he takes on with the rascal. 

Fighting is all sprint, and no stamina. Sure, there might be some more seasoned boxers that might disagree with him, but for someone as young as him in the field, it’s the tactic he’s been forced to gain. If he draws a fight on for too long, he'll get killed by a forty-two year old man with steroids clogging up his adipose tissue and enough  testosterone to grow a full-body beard by the time the sun starts to set. No, his strategy is to knock them out within the first fifteen seconds. Use their weight against them, and whatnot. A tactic he’s found has worked, since he’s been undefeated thus far. 

He can never wrap his head around it. The drug lords that run the rings who’ve gained millions the night before from selling crystal meth only to lose it all the night following in the second Gojo hooklines a solid punch to their betting boxer’s chin, making them see God & their Momma before they tap out (if they’re even able).

He doesn’t pocket much money from it, not anything compared to what the men who bet on him end up making at least, but it’s a decently solid sum. How lucrative it really is depends solely on what he thinks the value of his life is.

It’s not unheard of, boxers dying in the ring. Turns out, rich drug dealers care very little about the sheep they’ve captured to perform their entertaining little stunts. But Gojo wasn’t doing all of this to feel some sense of work-life pride, no, it was just sustenance. When basic needs are not met, humans resort to the most animalistic of all behaviors, and while he’s not proud of what he does, he can’t deny the fact that it’s turned him into an adrenaline junkie that gets a rush in his veins every time he knocks a jaw loose.

But balance was key. And hence why he’s a boxer by night, babysitter by day. For at least four days a week, he gets to pretend he’s the king’s most trusted appointed knight, or he’s the radioactive tyrannosaurus rex that wants to tyrannize all the other dinosaurs, or maybe he’s the evil power ranger (he always forgets which color that one was) that is determined to make the world a living hell by smashing mr. potatohead against the bunk bed post a billion times for all the other toys to see. Or whatever other imaginative hyperfixations Yuuji imposes on him in the later afternoon once he’s had his bowl of spaghetti-O’s and is ready to play. Lately, the kid’s been really into space. They’ve got all sorts of space toys these days. Back in Gojo’s day, he just had a good ol’ Buzz Lightyear.

“One rule, that’s it: don’t accidentally kill my son. Actually, one more rule. Don’t flirt with my daughter.” 

There’s a part of Gojo that believes your mom kind of knows he’s up to shady shit at night, otherwise why else would she clause for him to not flirt with you if she didn’t read the slight swell to his eye and the healing gash across his cheek as anything other than this boy is trouble and I want him nowhere near my too-good-for-him daughter of reproductive capacity since that’s the exact tale of how I became a single mother in the first place. Or maybe he inherently looks like he’s up to no good? He’s not sure which angle is more offensive, and which one was more flattering. Well in any case, she entrusted Yuuji’s life to him, despite acknowledging the plausibility of harm, and that means she overall thinks positively of him, right? ……right?

The first night he met you, it was awkward to say the least. Gojo spends most of his nights performing deadly stunts for middle aged men with potbellies, and most of his days hanging out with a five-year-old (one who he’d argue is his only friend at this point). Sure, he’s got some people he sees occasionally back in his high school hometown when he can brave hearing about how everyone’s in college now or doing a masters or they’re working respectable nine-to-five day jobs meanwhile he has to lie to his Pops that he’s been working in insurance for the past two years. Listen, in fairness, he probably makes the same amount of money as an insurance broker would anyways, but he can’t exactly own up to the identity of his craft. 

Anyways, the point is, he’s not used to seeing other people his age anymore. There’s the occasional hook-up with girls he hasn’t seen since Mrs. Tracy’s homeroom period back in sweet two-thousand-sixteen, or his twice-a-year hangout with Suguru where he only learns the day of where he's visiting from since the guy moves around more than Gojo can keep up with. But save for that, he mostly just sees your mom and then Yuuji. 

So seeing you standing in the kitchen for the first time when he went to put Yuuji’s half-finished GoGurt back in the fridge was startling to say the least. When the sight of a woman startled him, he knew he needed to start getting out again.

You were on your tiptoes, reaching up to grab at something over the fridge, and wearing these ridiculously short shorts to where he could see the curve of your ass, his line of sight trailing down the skin of your bare legs. He couldn’t see anything of your form above your shorts, given you were wearing an extremely baggy t-shirt with NYU on it in big bolded university letters. As far as he knew, you were a senior at NYU, studying psychology, made dean’s list consecutively for the past three years given the way your mother posted all your stellar transcripts up on the fridge (he gets that she’s proud of her daughter, but doesn’t that kind of stuff usually end in grade school?) But other than that, it was all the information he had on you.

“Here,” he said, pressing his front to your back, maybe just to get a feel, as he reached over to you to finally grab the box of cereal you were swatting for, the one that he purposefully placed at the back because Yuuji learned how to climb counters recently. “Is this what you want?”

He had heard you gasp, spinning around on your heel fast, staring up at him with wide eyes like you weren’t expecting some random man to be in the house right now, and your first instinct ended up being to grab the knife out of the kitchen knife block and lunge it straight at his torso.

If it wasn’t for his boxer reflexes, he’d have ended up at the ER that evening. Or dead. All depending on the strength you could pack into a stab. But instead, he deflected it, though not without a gash to his torso through the fabric of his shirt, one that you spent the rest of the evening profusely apologizing for and eventually mending to with cotton balls and neosporin. 

“I didn’t know you were my little brother’s babysitter,” you mumbled with a small wince on your face as you dabbed ointment on the wound while he pulled the hem of his shirt up to his shoulder. He’s never had an injury tended to before. It was nice.

“It’s fine, I get it, totally acceptable response to seeing a random dude in your house.”

He remembers the curl of your eyelashes while you stared down at his bare upper half, something he imprinted on his memory rather than the concern in your face as your fingertips traced the scars across his chest. He hoped they made you feel better about the one you just slashed into him, because after all, what was one more? 

He knows he shouldn’t have, but he kissed you that night. Two minutes before your mom came home, and right after you bid him goodnight with one more apology, he backed you up against the door of your bedroom, his hands on your hips pulling you towards him, and his lips pressed against yours. Something seamless, from candid conversation that was heading towards an end, to full fledged making out against white-painted wood, his teeth nipping at your lip and he wondered just how touch-starved those university boys were leaving you given the desperate way you’d clinged to his shirt for dear life as he deepened the kiss.

The moment only lasted one minute and fifty-seven seconds, and in the remaining three, your mother’s key pushed into the front door and he had to pull away. Always, on the dot, 10PM, she was home. It was how he knew he had two minutes left to make a move in the first place.

So much for no flirting.

6:57pm Gojo Satoru: Bahahah I accidentally forgot where yuuji’s epipen is 6:58pm Gojo Satoru: [sent a photo] 6:59pm Gojo Satoru: Turns out this can-o-soup was just covering it in the cabinet

7:01pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): ??? why did you need to find his epipen

7:08pm Gojo Satoru: Oh he accidentally took a bite of my pad thai 7:09pm Gojo Satoru: I freaked cuz I thought it had peanuts in it but I remember I asked for it without any  7:09pm Gojo Satoru: shit’s crazy

7:10pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU TEXT ME????????

7:12pm Gojo Satoru: YOU SAID YOU DIDNT WANT ME TEXTING YOU UNLESS IT WAS AN EMERGENCY ?

7:13pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): SATORU YOU THOGHT HE ATE SOMETHING W PEANUTS IN IT AND YOU FORGOT WHERE HIS EPIPEN WAS THATSS A FUCKIGN EMERGENCY

7:15pm Gojo Satoru: THE KID IS DOING FINE HES ALIVE JESUS LEAVE ME ALONE 7:16pm Gojo Satoru: [sent a photo] 7:16pm Gojo Satoru: See. he’s chill 7:17pm Gojo Satoru: with intact airways might I add 7:18pm Gojo Satoru: Also isn’t he a little too old to still be watching baby sensory videos?

7:20pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): yeah my mom thinks he has adhd :(

7:22pm Gojo Satoru: oh

He tried to keep his word though (although he doesn’t recall ever giving it) out of the respect he had for your mom. She was a hard-working lady, single mom of two who went from working three jobs to now being a major administrator at a big law firm near the outskirts of town. It was an underdog story if he’d ever heard one, and he loved an underdog story. 

But a little texting here and there wouldn’t hurt, right? Or so he thought, until you told him to cut it out with the contact. Maybe you were just trying to be the good one in this situation. After all, hooking up with your little brother’s babysitter? That sounds more like a bad porno than a sensible decision. Still, he’ll eventually get your replies to his which shirt should Yuuji wear to the park? and look, the toothfairy gave him the butt of a joint and a couple thumbtacks for his front tooth. he’s ecstatic texts, although in a less timely manner than before when you weren’t trying to preserve propriety. And when you’d occasionally visit every other weekend, he’d do his best to keep his hands in his pockets, and you’d fill up your nights with hangouts with your hometown friends to avoid spending too much time with him at the house. A silent agreement to not fuck each other, it was. 

4:55pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): send pic of yuuji pls i miss him :(

5:04pm Gojo Satoru: [sent a photo]

5:08pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): IS THAT BLOOD?!?!?!?!

5:09pm Gojo Satoru: chillllllll it’s fake. We’re working on his halloween costume

5:09pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): WHY DOES IT HAVE BLOOD?!?!?!?!?!?

5:10pm Gojo Satoru: He wants to be a baby xenomorph and I'm his parasitic host. You know that iconic chestburster scene from the old school alien movies? yeah

5:12pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): satoru please for the love of god just dress him up as a dinosaur or something

5:13pm Gojo Satoru: I’m not the one that came up with the idea, okay? It was him

5:14pm yuuji’s sis (no flirting): because you let him watch adult swim with you before putting him to bed. you’ve deranged his brain.

5:14pm Gojo Satoru: He needs it. Builds character.

Gojo was living a double life, and if someone asked him, he’d say it was less of a Clark Kent way and more of a Bruce Wayne way, although in reality, he knows it’s close to neither. He’s no superhero with a concealed identity fighting crime, he’s a con artist that’s tricked a hard-working woman into hiring him just because he’s trying to save up enough money to get the fuck out of this godforsaken town, given he’s not knocked dead before then for the crime’s amusement.

But Yuuji looks up to him now. And Gojo’s grown attached to him too. He taught the kid how to tie his own shoes and piss inside the actual toilet like a real man. And that kid’s the only thing that’s made him question any of this. Maybe that’s what dads feel, suddenly held to all this impossible responsibility and the pressure to stop doing stupid shit so that you’ll stick around to see your kids get older. The thought that there are eyes on you now, eyes that are innocent and hopeful and learning, and because they know nothing at all, you feel the responsibility to protect them from everything. For fucks sake, remind him to never become a dad. 

“Do you like my sister?” Yuuji had asked him out of nowhere one afternoon after he just got home from preschool, stacking a blue cube over a yellow one at the dining table.

“Uhh,” Gojo starts. He wondered if your mom had put a wire on the kid, so his answer was as diplomatic as he could manage. “Yeah, she’s cool. You’ve got a cool sister.”

“But. But.” Yuuji stutters, trying to find his big boy words. He stretches up higher to reach the top of his stack of blocks, but he only has so much arm real estate at the age of five. “Do you like her like you wanna kiss her?”

Gojo grabs the block from the kid’s hand, for a moment questioning Yuuji’s decision to want to put a blue block over another blue block, but he figures aesthetics are the least of a kid’s concern, and so he places the block where Yuuji wanted it. 

Why does the kid know what kissing is anyway? Do kids know that kind of stuff at that age? Isn’t a kiss to a five-year-old just something their mom gives to them before they head off to preschool for the day? And not something that happens between adult men and women? Maybe he should stop watching that adult swim in front of him.

“No. I don’t want to kiss your sister,” he says, again, because he is suspicious of a wire. It was a lie and then some, because he wants to do a lot more than just kiss you.

Gojo lifts the RedBull he was nursing up to his lips and watches Yuuji in the corner of his eye as the kid stares at his growing stack of blocks with a concentrated expression on his face, his chubby fingers squeezing tightly into little round dimpled balls, like he’s putting together all his tiny brain cells together to form another coherent thought before turning to face Gojo on the chair.

“It’s ok. You can kiss her if you wan’ed to. You can marry her too,” Yuuji says.

Gojo almost spits out his RedBull. He barely manages to swallow it, a broken cough immediately leaving his throat when some of the liquid goes down the wrong pipe and he’s smacking a fist against his chest to knock the sanity back into himself.

“Where the fu—…where the flip did that come from?” he asks, blinking back tears from the rasp in his throat.

Yuuji’s small shoulders sulk as he sits back on his heels. “I want a papa.”

Oh fuck that hurt. Jesus christ, there was nothing more sad than that. Yuuji has literally never known what it’s like to have a dad, since his had left before he was even born. Gojo’s not really close to his old man by any means, but he had still been a fatherly figure in some pivotal moments when he had needed it growing up. Kids need their dads. And he’s seen enough people lose their way without one to know that the value of them is really underestimated.

He’s also kind of shocked that Yuuji really did think of you as his motherly figure. Maybe since it had always just been him and his dad, Gojo learned how to self sustain from a young age, and he and his dad became accustomed to just looking after their own interests to avoid the headache of tending to one another. My land is my land, and your land is yours, and there was the occasional Saturday night spent together with his dad’s millions of beer bottles emptied dry on the carpet in front of the 1992 box TV as the two shared a greasy pizza from the place down the street. That was the extent of family solidarity that he knew.

But he can’t imagine being barely eighteen and having to take care of your little brother all by yourself because your mom was too busy trying to put food on the table and was too poor to hire a babysitter. Your mom tried so damn hard to keep you away from the single teenage mother life, but somehow ended up giving it to you by proxy in the end anyway. It was no wonder you wanted space now that Yuuji’s a little older and your mom can afford a babysitter. No matter how much you might love your sibling, being their effective guardian out of pure necessity had to have taken a toll.

Gojo clears his throat before he speaks. “Buddy. If I married your sister, we’d be brothers. I wouldn’t be your dad.” 

Yuuji’s eyes light up at the word brother. “Brothers? Me and you?”

“Yeah. Bros.”

The kid giggles, all bubbly with cheeks rounding fully and eyes sparkling. Gojo reaches out to ruffle at his hair before Yuuji gets down onto one stubby leg at a time from the chair then bolts towards the kitchen.

“Juice!!” he yells somewhere around the corner out of sight.

Gojo sighs, staring at all the toys he pulled out for Yuuji to play with, all left in a scattered mess across the table. He gets up out of his chair and heads towards the fridge. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll get you your juice, you little demon.”

The conclusion he comes to, and it might read like an obvious one, is that kids don’t really know the reality of life, hence why adults hide so much from them. 

This is what he thinks of tonight when he wraps his worn out boxing tape around his hands and his wrist, tightening it with his teeth, and he can smell the sweat and grime from them. The back of the underground gym had an old dated locker room, and as Gojo stretches his neck side to side while sitting on the stiff metal bench, he eyes the peeling red paint of the locker in front of him, blurring vision making it look like spilt blood. 

His phone pings with a text. He shuffles inside his duffle bag to look for it while his other hand scratches at his bare chest.

1:07am yuuji’s sis (no flirting): hhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii 1:07am yuuji’s sis (no flirting): omgomgomg sor y i’m 

He blinks at the screen, confusion flashing across his face. He types one letter, but then he sees three dots and a speech text bubble in the bottom left, so he waits for you.

1:09am yuuji’s sis (no flirting): i drunk :(

The corner of his mouth ticks up slightly. 

1:09am Gojo Satoru: Yeah I can tell

1:10am yuuji’s sis (no flirting): at a apartyyyy

His eyebrows raise slightly, the thought of you tipsy on some frat party couch flashing through his mind, yet of all things you could be doing at that frat party, you’re texting him? Must be a really boring party.

1:11am yuuji’s sis (no flirting): whyyy are you aawake?

1:12am Gojo Satoru: Couldn’t sleep 1:12am Gojo Satoru: Don’t you have a midterm in the morning?

1:14am yuuji’s sis (no flirting): wtf hwo do you knwo that

1:15am Gojo Satoru: Your mom keeps your schedule posted on the fridge

1:15am yuuji’s sister (no flirting): im so fucked;’;(((

He snorts. He’s got a bit more life experience than you, five-ish years to be exact, more than enough time to master the no-hangover hangout, but just before he can offer you some advice, he sees another text from you. 

1:16am yuuji’s sister (no flirting): can i tell u smething 

His gaze flits up to the ceiling briefly, and he hears commotion outside the thick walls of the locker room. The previous fight was over, and fast. The guy must’ve been knocked out in under twenty seconds tops, which means that Gojo was next up against whatever superbeast just beat him up. 

1:17am Gojo Satoru: Sure

He stands up, placing his phone down on the bench before he flexes the muscles in his arms a couple times to get the blood flowing into them. And there’s the noise of another ping. Actually, four.

1:14am yuuji’s sis (no flirting): sonetimes 1:14am yuuji’s sis (no flirting): i thikn of  1:14am yuuji’s sis (no flirting): when u kisse me 1:14am yuuji’s sis (no flirting): *kissed me

His eyes widen slightly, irises dry to the ashy cigarette smoke from outside lingering in the air, and his heart rate picks up a bit. An adrenaline junkie with close to no fear in his veins due to the way his amygdala’s been fried to a crisp from years of boxing, yet he’s got his breath hitched from the memory of your soft lips against his. It makes the blood rushing through the muscles of his arms rush somewhere down south instead.

Loud banging on the door of the locker room jolts him out of his trance, and he’s stiff around the edges once more.

“Satoru! You’re up, man,” he hears Danny, the fight coordinator, yell at him from the other side of the heavy & poorly-installed steel door.

Gojo sighs, glancing down at the texts on his phone. To respond, or not to respond. You’re off your face, clearly chatty from the alcohol, and he knows for certain you’ll regret every life decision you’ve ever made once you wake up in the morning and see the self sabotaging behaviors you’ve engaged in tonight. He knows that responding to you might put you at ease rather than straight up ignoring you, but the feeling will pass, and he has a match to win with no more room left to stall.

He makes his way out the locker room, pushing past the crowded halls of people underneath dim flashing club lighting, some dudes angrily jerking to face him when he pushes past them with a stiff shoulder, only for their eyes to widen when they see just exactly who pushed them. 

There’s strippers in the ring, doing some routine for pre-match, and Gojo narrows his eyes at the man he sees laying back over the rubber boundary rope, head tipped back up to the ceiling with a wicked grin on his face. So that was his opponent? He’s never seen the guy before. Was he from a different district? Different district talent was tough, you had no background info on them, while they’ve been preparing to be here for weeks. Hence why boxers tend to do better when they visit a different district than they do in their own. There have been rules made to limit these types of fights, mostly over outrage that it was unfair to bid on them, but they were also usually more entertaining to watch. Gojo’s got a sick feeling to his stomach as the strippers clear the ring.

“Hey,” Gojo calls out, grabbing Danny by the back of his collar and dragging him towards him and away from the girls stepping down onto the floor, “what’s in for this fight?”

Danny glances up at the ceiling. “Tarp’s bettin’ tonight, so it can’t be anything less than ten grand for you. I’d say tops fifteen?”

Gojo narrows his eyes further, then glances off into the ring again. The man stands up, and Gojo gets a better look on his face. He’s got short hair, neon green in color with a dark fade underneath and tattoos all over his face. But those eyes. They were freakishingly red, and it made him uneasy. He knows the type. The type of boxers that do this to genuinely hurt people for thrill. Make no mistake, Gojo understands he’s made himself out to be like that too, gaining some kind of rush out of this profession, but this type of fighter was different. The type to literally continue smashing a dude’s face into the floor until they’re a bloody mess even minutes after the winning call, and no referee to stop it because that’s the kind of action the spectators wanted.

Danny reads his line of sight. “That’s Gale. Newton’s new boxing toy. Came outta nowhere about a month ago. He’s undefeated so far in his district, and Newton specifically wanted to see you up against him tonight,” Danny tells Gojo, resting his elbow up on his bare shoulder. “Chances are he’ll compete with Tarp for final bid if you win this one. I’m talking twenty-five grand in the next if you can knock him out in this.”

“Uh-huh,” Gojo acknowledges, rolling his shoulder so Danny’s elbow falls from it. Forget the money, he just wants to make it out of this alive.

He sets his foot up on the square, ducking through the dividing boundary straps and the tacky caution construction tape that the gym thinks creates an exciting ambience. He hears the static of the speakers as the announcers call out Gojo’s name, then this other guy, loud bass club music booming through Gojo’s chest as he tries to take a few deep breaths through the thick air of this low-ceiling arena. 

The dim overhead lights flickered, casting shadows over the makeshift ring, and the crowd pressed tight around at every perimeter area, yelling and pushing, one even tosses a beer bottle on the square and it shatters, spreading glass all across, a few shards reaching Gojo’s feet and he looks down at them with a shudder. A fight immediately breaks out in the crowd over something related or possibly entirely unrelated, and he’d have no way of knowing as he swipes the shards away with his heel.

The influential men always sat up on higher seating, off towards the back in their own VIP section where they suck in the smoke of fat cigarettes and peer through 100% tinted sunglasses to assess the boxers they’ve bid thousands on. The light reflects off the golden grills of their teeth with every snarl at any passerby that gets too close, like a lion in its den. That’s what the sanction was called. Lion’s den.

Gojo sighed, eyeing the twisted grin of this Gale guy across from him. Was that his real name? Usually, foreign district guys get nicknames. Gojo’s always thought the nicknames were tacky, and he’s accumulated some of his own over the years, but to his ears, none of them ever really landed, although The White Fox admittedly was kinda nice. Reminded him of throwback shooting games. 

He sucked a breath in through his teeth, holding his hands up in front of his chest in weak fists, storing energy in them in the form of pure anticipation alone, and then the bell rang.

His opponent lunged towards him immediately, fists flying in a barrage of reckless strikes, and Gojo’s eyes momentarily widened in the briefest moments of hesitation he had been allowed before ducking and dodging every one of this guy's shots, then jumping a step back to create distance.

Fuck. He was fast. Not just boxer fast, athlete fast. There was a difference. And it wasn’t a good one to be up against.

Gojo picked up light on his feet. He couldn’t win this one fast, that much was certain. One single careless or reckless move, and he’ll get tackled. He knows that by the malicious look he sees on that guy’s face, grin wide like he’s some cannibalistic beast. 

Stepping back towards the center, Gojo purposefully set himself up for Gale to swipe a vicious hook towards his head, before Gojo last minute ducked down, crouched to the floor, and swung his leg out to knock the guy off balance by his ankles, and he falls onto his back with a loud thud!

There’s a moment of momentary silence from the crowd, right before Gojo put the man in a torso-lock, twisting him in a way a human body should absolutely not be twisted, hearing the grunts of pain and the crack of spine even through the shouts of the crowd.

He can hear it. Kill him! Knock his fucking teeth out! Snap his neck like a goose, man! FIN-ISH HIM! FIN-ISH HIM! FIN-ISH HIM!

He feels like throwing up. 

Gojo looks up at the referee, who wasn’t really a referee, just there to run the clock when there was action and only barely stop it before near death. “This is enough, right?” he asks.

The referee nods. “1-0, next round.”

Gojo lets go of his opponent, leaving him there to heave for a moment before he gets up onto his feet again. Just needs one more, and he’s a winner. Ten grand in his pocket, and he won’t have to come back here for a couple weeks.

Gale gets up, swiping at the spit that had trickled out the corner of his mouth down to his chin, and he had an enraged look on his face. The second the bell rang for the second round, he exploded forward towards Gojo with even more fervor than before, gritted expression with a thirst for violence fueling the storm of punches he was throwing towards Gojo but he tried to remain calm, light on his feet, swiftly duck and avoid before he can find another opportunity to clear a sharp, clean jab right to the ribs—

sometimes, i think of when you kissed me

Gojo misses his strike, leaving his guard wide open, and Gale takes the opportunity to land a solid punch straight to his jaw, sending his mouth guard flying straight out of his mouth into the air, and knocking him backwards onto the ground with a thud and then he finds himself staring up at the rusting metal ceiling and a ringing in his ears that almost matches the roar of the crowd.

His head is in a haze, dizzy like where one second could feel like a millennia. He feels a soreness underneath his chin, a pain that radiates to his mouth, and he briefly swipes his tongue over his front teeth to make sure he still has all of them. 

What the fuck was that? That intrusive thought. There’s no intrusive thoughts allowed in life or death situations, not when he was always just one smash to the head away from a permanent concussion. But, fuck, he can’t help it. Can’t help thinking of you. Even when his vision has gone blurry and he should really be weary about what happens next in this ring, his mind’s just thinking about you, at some frat party, tipping back shots of tequila and waiting for a text-back in response to your tipsy ones. Were you even waiting up on him? Have you already passed out on the couch, or were your friends dragging you back to your dorm? Or are you fucking some other dude right now? Has he got his hand up your top, squeezing at you, sleazily feeling you up before spilling beer all down your shirt, and are you kissing him back with the same enthusiasm, your phone now somewhere long slipped between the cushions of the couch and out of sight?

Even though it’s still sore, he tenses his jaw. Grinds his teeth, even. Tasting blood somewhere along the line of his gums, he realizes his lip is split. He licks at it, the flavor of copper more rich on his tongue, and he clenches his fists tightly. Why’s he thinking of that right now? It just pisses him off, the thought of you with some other dude. Maybe that’s what he needs to win this fight. Spite. Although he’s not sure why the guy across from him at the ring has to pay for it.

He lifts his head up off the ground, and while it felt like years he had been down, a glance at the timer tells him it’s only been a solid four seconds. A solid four seconds that his opponent had to fully charge a lunge towards him with the look of death in his face, raising his elbow up into the air in time with his leap, ready to come straight down, and Gojo’s eyes widen at the sight above him from where he’s still lying on the wood.

“Shit—” he cusses, rolling his body over to the side so that the dude falls straight down onto the floor rather than elbow Gojo in the fucking ribs, and then he gets back up on his feet. 

Stakes were high, he has to end this, he has to end this now, and he flexes the muscle in his right bicep, channeling everything he has into this one blow, and before Gale even really has a chance to turn around and face him again, Gojo’s already three-fourths set up a knockout undercut that he drives straight up the guy’s chin, with so much force it has him lifting up off the floor, a vertebrate stretch to his spine before he’s sent flying backwards and slammed against the tight rubber lining of the ring to where he was half hanging over it.

The room fell silent for a split second, then erupted in a roar as the referee fell to one knee beside Gale, checking him for any semblance of consciousness, and when he found none, he waves the match off. 

Gojo’s eyes flit up towards the lion’s den, the only opinions that he really needed to care about were sitting in those mahogany chairs with glasses of scotch swirling around in their hands, and he sees some of them looking straight at Gojo before leaning towards one another and discretely talking about something he can’t make out because he doesn’t know how to read lips.

He feels someone tug at his arms from behind, pulling him to crouch down and he balances back on the balls of his feet. He glances down through the ring at the floor. Danny was leaning against the wooden surface of it. “Dude. Go.” He jerks his head towards Gale, who still laid there sprawled across the now stretched out rubber perimeter bands. “Go fuck him up. Knock a few more teeth out, I don’t know, get some more blood out of him.”

“What?” Gojo huffs, yanking his arm away from Danny’s grip. “The fuck are you saying?”

“I told you, man, Newton’s here and he’s got his eye on you. Go give him a show,” Danny says, “do it.” And when he sees clear frustration on Gojo’s face he sighs. “Twenty-five grand, consider that, will you?”

Gojo sneers at the man, an awful taste in his mouth as he spits blood towards Danny’s feet. “Go fuck yourself on his cock if he wants a show that bad.” And then he ducks underneath the bands and hops back down onto the floor, pushing past people who were trying to grab at him and pull at him and lift him up and even throw him down until he made it through flashing hallways and back to the locker room.

He shuts the door behind him, sliding the bolt lock into the frame so no one can follow him inside, and then he leans his weight back against the chilling steel before tipping his head back until it hits the surface too.

He lets out of a few deep breaths, then stares down at the sting he finds over his knuckles. Red and blistering from the last punch he delivered, and he’s almost certain he broke a bone in his hand. Fuck. It was bleeding across the cuts, too. He had to figure out a way to get it all healed by tomorrow, as if that was humanly possible, just because he doesn’t want Yuuji questioning him about it.

Yuuji. For fucks sake, when has he ever thought about the kid this much? When has he ever thought about much of anything when he’s out here or in the ring? He’s a babysitter by day. He’s a “part” of your family when the sun is up and normal functioning society is breathing their lives into the clean air. That’s it. He’s no five-year-old’s caretaker in front of all these primetime drug lords, and he certainly shouldn’t be thinking of you when facing big, burly men he’s aiming to rough up, all within the dead hours of night. So then how come these thoughts are on his mind at all times, twenty-four-seven, around the clock?

He heads further into the locker room, glancing down at the bench where he’d left his phone, then picks it up, neck craned all the way down to glance at the screen as he holds his phone by his hip because he doesn’t have any energy to pick it up any further towards his eyesight. 

He sees your messages. You never sent any follow-up ones, just your horrendously typed out sonetimes, i thikn of when u kisse me *kissed me across the span of four texts, and Gojo runs a tired hand down his face.

He tips his head back to groan at the ceiling, guttural with no basis other than a release of all the pent up frustration of every sort, then he types in a couple messages to you,

3:23am Gojo Satoru: That’s nice 3:24am Gojo Satoru: I think about fucking you all the time 

—and then tosses his phone into his duffel bag to call it a night.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

You’re awoken to your alarm blaring heavily, and you whack your arm across your nightstand table beside your tiny twin-size bed to hit the snooze button, then rub your eye with a loose fist while smacking at the residual taste of alcohol you have on your tongue. 

“Mm…” you mumble to yourself. And then the thirst hits you. The overwhelming, intense, unquenchable thirst that leaves your mouth feeling like the Sahara desert before you grab your twice-dented Hydroflask from the nightstand, twist the cap off and chug about twenty ounces of water in one breath. 

You let out a deep exhale and fall back into bed, your hand resting on top of your water-filled tummy, and you stare up at the ceiling of your dorm. 

Last night was horrible. You knew you shouldn’t have gone to that frat party, especially given you have an exam in—you checked the time on your phone—about an hour, and an hour was not enough time to recover from the raging hangover headache that’s pounding through your head. But your roommates insisted you went, and so go you did. You never knew what to expect, always torn between shaving your pussy before you go or throwing on a stained pair of sweatpants to keep the guys away instead. Sometimes, it was a combination of both. But last night, you ended up drinking more than you usually do, and that always led to poor, poor, poor decisions, in which all the sense of pride you had in yourself was washed down with the puke that you hurled into the upstairs toilet. 

You grab at your phone again, briefly seeing that your friends had sent you some photos from the night. You immediately swiped off to the side to dismiss the notifications, because as far as you were concerned, you never wanted to see those photos in your life.

And then, in the briefest of moments, you saw a familiar name in your notifications that made you heart skip a beat.

Gojo Satoru (yuuji’s babysitter)

With an immediate gasp, you pulled your phone to your chest and held it there, blinking up at the pale yellow ceiling, your heart picking up in rhythm.

Oh fuck.

That was right.

You drunk texted him last night.

You drunk texted your little brother’s hot babysitter.

Fuck.

Mortified was an understatement, possibly because you don’t even remember what you said, and so you don’t even want to see what he replied with.

You groan, rubbing both your hands across your face then kick your sheets back with your feet like a child having a temper tantrum because you were so embarrassed you had even texted him at all last night. I mean, he was hot. A little older than you, really gorgeous eyes, tall, and, yeah, you gave him shit for the Instagram muscles thing, but that’s only because you thought he’d find it cheeky that you were trying to humble him despite the fact that he’s more toned and ruggedly sculpted than any other man you’ve ever met. You didn’t want to have a flustered schoolgirl attitude because it would just seep through to his ego.

In any case, he was hot, there was no denying it, so can you really blame yourself? But still. There was collateral with this. You had to see him every other weekend. He knows your family, even your extended since they invited him to Thanksgiving dinner a couple weeks ago. A high-risque drunk text recipient if he ever was one (of course he has been, look at that face). Why couldn’t you have just drunk texted ECON160 guy from last semester who Clit DJ’d you underneath your desk at the back of the lecture hall instead?

The thing that made you nervous about Gojo Satoru was that he was just so…confident? Like, in that I was raised to be this way confident and not that I fought inner demons my whole life to barely end up this way confident, y’know? Never had to fake it ‘til he made it, he just was. At least that was the kind of energy you got from him, and unfortunately for you, it was nerve wracking but enticing all at the same time.

You sigh. “Stupid. Stupid. Stuuuuuupiiiiidddddddddddd. You. Are. So. Stuuuuuupiiiiddddddd,” you sigh, running your hands through your hair to grip at the strands.

You pull your phone away from your chest, and finally brave yourself to read the texts from your notifications screen, but not without blurring your vision a little to further stall. And then you finally refocus it to read them. The first one you see has you gasping—

3:24am Gojo Satoru (yuuji’s babysitter): I think about fucking you all the time 

It has heat spreading across your cheeks, and you blink at your screen, then quickly swipe up to read the previous messages with rushed glides of your index finger on the screen to see that he had sent it to you in response to your barely coherent texts about how you still so often think about that time he randomly pressed you up against the door of your bedroom to kiss you that night you first met him.

I think about fucking you all the time

At 3 in the morning? He decided to send that text at 3 in the fucking morning? That was the devil’s hour. What’s he trying to tell you? 

Oh come on, you’re not stupid. And you know he isn’t either. The sexual tension was palpable, it was there since the day you two met and you almost stabbed him, and also everytime you were visiting the house, and his shoulder brushes against yours when he’s trying to get past you in the kitchen, or when you’ve got Yuuji in your arms and the kid is clinging to Gojo’s sleeve because he wants him near him at all times. There’s even sexual tension over the phone, in those stupid texts he sends you all the time about meaningless child care stuff, and honestly, those little updates made your day.

But… you don’t know much about him, and your mom would kill you if she ever found out you wanted him. And she’d probably pulverize him if she found out he ever made a move on you. Cremated without leaving a trace behind would be an understatement. She thinks he’s no good and she thinks you’re too good. You know she’s warned him before to not get close to you, as if she was pre-emptively expecting him to try to get in your pants like it was some canon force of the universe, hence why he’s probably so fucking awkward around you whenever she’s there too. Like if he accidentally got caught staring at your ankles, your mom would light him on fire, so he’d rather not risk it by just avoiding looking at you at all.

Your mom has always been protective of you. Your father was a deadbeat, one she thought she loved, only to watch him leave. And she had to raise a baby all by herself. He re-entered your lives right before you graduated high school, knocked up your mom again with Yuuji, and guess what? Left again without a trace. To be doubly humiliated by a man is a fate you wouldn’t wish on any woman, but that’s exactly what your mom went through. It was a wake-up call for her, though. No more living paycheck to paycheck like you had been your whole lives up until Yuuji was born. The kid doesn’t even know how lucky he is with everything he has right now. Your mom worked her way up the corporate ladder and made something of herself and now you guys were comfortable, so it was safe to say she had some sort of right to look after her daughter, of whom she simply doesn’t want to follow in the same naive footsteps of her youth.

You get it. She wants to break the generational cycle. But it made being with men tough on all fronts, let alone dating. You could never bring a guy home because he’d never be enough, even if he cured cancer or could make you orgasm while doing a sixty-nine handstand. And while her overbearing paranoia over what you do or where you are or who you’re with has since dimmed slightly since you officially moved out to finish your last year of higher education at NYU, you can still feel her disappointment from a hundred miles away when you’re making out with some random frat guy on his beer-stained couch at eleven AM on a Tuesday.

But you got to college. You’ve already made it this far. You’re on dean’s list. You graduated high school as salutatorian. You’re the most highly decorated cello player in the state. You won Miss County pageant when you were sixteen for your philanthropic efforts towards feline leukemia. You did online community college for three years so you could stick back after high school and help your mom raise Yuuji, which meant that you had to forfeit your scholarship to Cornell. You’ve spent your whole life being good, you just wanna be bad for a little bit.

And if bad meant fucking the hot and mysterious babysitter, then so be it. 

You pick your phone up, begin blasting what the hell by Avril Lavigne on your dorm room bluetooth speaker, then type a message to him that says—

10:34am you: do it then

—then shove your phone under the sheets and belt out the lyrics aaaall my life i’ve been good, but now, ahhhh i’m thinkin’ what the hell!!! while kicking your feet and clutching your pillow.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Gojo has no clue what divine entity has overcast their gratuitous spirit over him on this blessed Monday afternoon, but he’ll thank them for it later once his balls are empty. 

He’s got you on your back, sprawled across the couch in the living room, the first fuck being a rushed one that you offered him with before he has to go pick Yuuji up from circle time at preschool, which wasn’t ideal, but he’s delirious at the sight of you underneath him right now. Your little NYU shirt, a tighter one this time, bunched up over your bare breasts, otherwise entirely naked other than the flimsy panties dangling at your ankle, and the view of the tip of his cock looking hot and heavy against the velvet of your cunt, slowly pushing in, feeling the warmth of your walls squeeze around him paired with the sweet moan that leaves your lips, makes him fall forward with a bracing hand dug into the cushion by the side of your head because the sensation feels so fucking good he can hardly keep himself upright.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he grunts, pushing himself in further to try and bottom out but he’s still got a couple inches he needs you to take, and so you curl your hips upwards towards the cieling to make more room for him, practically putting yourself into a mating press and soon enough he’s balls deep, “you on any birth control?”

“Uh-huh,” you moan, eyes closed and head tipped back with one hand squeezing your own tit.

“I can cum inside then, yeah?” he asks you, pushing your knees to your chest, slowly drawing his hips back and you squirm underneath him.

“Let’s get there first, and then we’ll discuss,” you breathe out.

“I’ve been there for the past ten minutes, baby. I could cum at any second with the way you look and feel,” he informs you flatly, because it was just the truth and you had to know it, then he feels himself twitch inside, slowly working up to a languid rhythm, almost fearfully like your mom’s going to pop out somewhere around the corner with a camera crew ready like one of those retro TV shows just to humiliate him on national television for not keeping it in his pants like she’d told him to. 

“Harder,” he hears you whisper, and he rolls his eyes shut to just focus on the feeling. The feeling of your nails grazing down the skin of his chest and his abs, tracing the scars he’s collected over the years, and he feels you tightening around him. He leans down to kiss you, fucking you properly now with the squeak of the couch springs echoing across the room, your hums of moans seeping through his lips until he’s fully taking them on with an open-mouthed kiss of sloppy tongue. 

The fact that it was wrong felt right to him, and he realizes in this moment he’s lost all sense of control. He wasn’t just an adrenaline junkie that liked to rough up dudes, he was an adrenaline junkie that wanted to fuck you against all better judgement or moral compass. The way your tits were bouncing, the slap of skin on skin, his balls slapping against your ass while you wrap your legs around him tighter, all convincing him that any consequence made it worth it.

“Good,” he groans the praise, pinning your hands above your head as he rams his hips against yours, your cute moans and squeals sounding like literal music to his ears and he feels heat spread all the way up his neck, “goooood, keep squeezin’ me like that, fuck.” He slows down momentarily, just to take a moment and watch, really look and see the way his length disappears inside of your pretty self with every push forward, and then he works back up to a relentless pace that has you tipping your head back with a slack jaw and eyes closed tightly shut, sprained expression of pleasure spread across.

“Oh, oh my god, Satoru—” you mewled and he felt dizzy from the sound of his name from your softly parted lips.

“Fuck, I’m gonna—” His hand finds it’s way between your legs, calloused pads of his fingers brushing against your clit and you jolt underneath him, gasping as your hand shoots out to dig your nails into his bicep for purchase. “I’m gonna cum, better tell me where you want it.”

“In me,” you moan, “nowhere else.”

He presses his mouth against your cheek in a lazy smile, “Atta girl,” he drawls before pushing your ankles down as far as they’d go near your ears, folding you in half and then reigns all hell into your cunt. He should really care a bit more about your pleasure, but testing your flexibility like this with both his hands holding you down was doing sinful things to his brain, and besides, you had yourself covered with the messy circles you were rubbing over your clit. It was hot to see that too, your nimble pretty fingers so close to the place where he was pounding into you. 

“Oh shit, shit, shit—” he grunts when starts to see blistering white in his vision, balls straining with a pleasure that was almost painful. The moment he finishes feels like hot flashes in his brain, a heat like the cum he begins to paint inside your walls in time with your release, thrusting over and over and over, each one more staggered as he lets off a long, drawn out groan that comes from deep within his chest with the feeling of you milking him dry and the sound of you enjoying every second of it. He can’t remember the last time he came this much or this hard and even after coming down from the high, he feels the remnant pulse of your orgasm around his now half-flaccid dick.

He leisurely pulls out, hearing you let out a soft whimper as he marvels at the sight of his cum slowly dripping out of you and down towards the couch, before he scoops it up with a couple fingers and pushes it back inside. You grip his wrist tightly, but you weren’t stopping it, that motion of him plunging it all back into you.

“Want a taste?” he asks, casually.

“Mhm,” you nod, face looking flush.

He pulls his fingers out of you, coated with sex, then plugs your pussy with the fingers of his other hand because he kinda likes the idea of you walking around all day with him inside of you, so he doesn’t want it getting out. He’s then pushing his other fingers past your lips, pleased to find he’s met with not even so much as a grazing of teeth, and he grins, “bet you take a dick in your mouth as good as you take it down here.”

Your furrow your brows at him, the pout of your lips seen in the way they were puckered to lick his fingers off clean, and when you release the suction with a smack of your tongue and his fingers were wet from your saliva now, his eyes narrow with desire. You push his face away with the heel of your palm to his forehead. “Flattery won’t make me suck your dick.”

“Alright. So? How is it?” he jerks his chin towards your face, pushing against your hand with his forehead until he’s hovering over you again, “taste good?”

“It’s cum, Satoru.”

He shrugs. “Bad?”

“No,” you say, and you can’t make eye contact, “good.” You sigh. “Hot. I don’t know. Salty, sweet. I’m the sweet. You’re the salty. And this conversation is obscene.”

He kisses you, capturing your lips softly, tongue darting out to taste what’s on yours. “I like it that way. Dirty. Nasty. Obscene, whatever.”

There’s the slam of a car door heard from the driveway, and the two of you instantly make eye contact with round eyes.

“Sa—” you stutter, “Satoru.”

He gets up off the couch in a panic, and heads to the window of the living room fully butt-ass naked, then peers through the blinds to see—

Your mom was making it up towards the front door, rustling with her keys in her purse. And the last thing he sees before he turns around to face you is her pushing the keys through the lock.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” he cusses, finding his boxers off of the floor, hopping on one foot with his cum & slick coated dick flapping around and slapping against his thighs unceremoniously as he tries to get one leg in through them and then the other. You’re trembling as you hook your panties back into place, pull your shirt back down your torso, and even in his extremely panicked state, he’s still sad he can’t freely stare at your tits anymore. You’re rummaging for your skirt in a haste, looking everywhere for it, and he finds it underneath the coffee table before tossing it to you and then he side-to-side hops towards the coat closet while he pulls his sweatpants up over his ass, in time for you to quickly run and shut the door of the closet closed just before the front door of the house swings open.

The inside of the coat closet is dark, barely enough space in there for a six-foot-four two-hundred-and-twenty pound man, but it’s better than being balls deep inside his boss’s daughter on the couch when said boss just came home from work.

He hears conversation on the other side of the door, albeit muffled, and he presses his ear to it to hear better while he tucks his dick into his boxers from where it was hanging over the waistline.

“Mom! You…you’re home so early,” he hears you squeak out.

“Yes,” your mom says, “The rest of my meetings today are online, so I figured I’d come home when there’s less traffic.”

Gojo feels you lean against the coat closet door.

“I see, I see, how was your day at work?” you ask with a tremble in your voice.

“Fine.” And then nothing. The silence could mean that was all she had to say, since your mom wasn’t really a woman of many words, or it could be a silence that means she’s suspicious about something. “Darling, why is your skirt flipped up and tucked into your panties? Your whole butt is showing.”

Through the wood of the door, he hears you softly gasp. “Oh, um, I just went to pee. Must’ve—…must’ve got caught when I pulled it back up.” 

“I see,” your mother says, and Gojo can hear her dropping her heels down near the shoe rack at the entrance. “You know, I really don’t like those short skirts you wear often. Maybe it’s just your generation, but I think it looks tacky and cheap.”

“Mom,” you say, in as stern of a voice as you can manage without sounding embarrassed.

Your mother sighs. “In any case, where is Satoru? I still would like him to go pick up Yuuji. I don’t have the patience to sit in preschool & daycare traffic right now.”

“Oh gosh, I don’t know,” you chirp, and then he hears you let out a small oh no before you lean even more weight against the door, this time somewhere lower, and he realizes you’re pressing your ass against it. His eyes narrow with a small frown, and then he realizes— his cum must still be trickling down your thighs. You couldn’t put your panties on fast enough. 

Shit. That’s hot. A little fucked up, but hot. He feels his dick harden against the fabric of his boxers, and he rests his forehead against the door, fringe stuck to his forehead with sweat as he slips his hands down his sweatpants and then gives his cock a firm squeeze. The thought of you discretely swiping his cum up your inner thigh and smearing it against your thin panties so your mom doesn’t catch sight of it dripping down your legs has him slowly working up to a rock-solid erection, and he almost lets out a broken grunt from the feeling.

“What?” your mother says, “what do you mean you don’t know?”

“I’ve just been watching TV this whole time,” you say, “last time I saw him…he was…um, in the backyard pulling weeds?”

He lets out a small scoff through his nose at your cover-up. Cute. And not bad. 

Your mother sighs loudly, and he glances down at the strained veins on his dick as he tugs it through his hand, the tip rearing and appearing flushed and dripping with precum. God, you were just on the other side of this door. Less than a few inches away, and he’d be inside of you. 

“I’m going to take a shower. Go find him and tell him to pick up Yuuji soon. But before then, change into something less revealing,” your mother says in a more or less detached tone, and he can hear the stomps of her footsteps up the stairs from above him in the coat closet.

The two of you wait at least a solid minute, and just when the coast is clear, he hears you turn the knob of the coat closet and slowly crack it open.

“Okay, I think she’s in the shower, I hear the water running,” you whisper at him, “you can go now—” You glance down towards his groin, your jaw dropping. “What—…Satoru, why the fuck is your dick staring at me right now?!” you whisper-hiss at him.

He pulls you into the coat closet, pushing your front against the door to where it clicks shut, and you gasp when his hands pin your wrists crossed behind your back and his dick presses into the plush of your ass.

“You talkin’ to your mom while your pussy’s stuffed full of my cum was the single hottest thing that’s ever grazed my lizard brain,” he tells you, flipping your skirt up and hooking your panties to the side, his index finger briefly brushing against your entrance to find it still leaking from the way your walls were pulsating from his words. And then he aligns his tip to your entrance. “Now keep quiet while I do this, ‘kay?”

“Oh—” you gasp, your cheek pressed against the door as you arch your back and push your ass out for him, “okay—” you say, barely vocalizing the first syllable before he’s already stuffing himself inside of you with one solid glide of a push, making you yelp loudly and he has to instantly cup a hand over your mouth.

“Shhhhhh,” he hisses at you, immediately starting to pound you from behind, “told you to— fuuuck,” he catches sight of his length covered with a mix of your glassy arousal and his white cum, now starting to cream at the base of his cock, “jesus christ—” he breathes out, squeezing the flesh of your ass harshly with his other hand and you let out another yelp, “I told you to fuckin’ keep quiet.”

“I’m—mff,” you muffle against his palm, “I’m trying but,” your hips move back in time with his, “feels good, feels too good,” you mewl, and his hand desperately yanks up the fabric of your shirt so he can squeeze at your breast.

“Yeah?” he grunts, hypocritical for telling you to keep it down when he was slamming his hips against your ass with so much fervor he wouldn’t be surprised if the sound was reverberating across the entire house, “you like it when I fuck you while your mom’s all clueless just up the stairs?” His rhythm falters, feeling his release building, and his hand reaches in front of you to rub your clit, making you drop your head against the door with tightly closed eyes. “Gets— you—wet, doesn’t it?” he torments you, his lips near your ear as he slams his hips against you harshly with every enunciated syllable. 

“Mhm, mhm,” you easily agree, or maybe that’s because it’s all you can really articulate, and he angles his hips up so his balls slap more fervently against your clit, making you scream into his palm while he picks up the pace of the circles he draws on your clit and in one, two, three— beats of his pounding heart, he feels you come undone around his cock, gushing wetness leaking out of you, he can feel the mess of fluids splattering on the skin of his thighs due to each of his heaving thrusts as he cusses out a fuuuuuuckkk before spilling his cum inside of you, a short-lived and thicker release this time that has you mewling from overstimulation, and in a few following thrusts, he’s given you everything he had to give.

His eyes open, he wasn’t even aware he had shut them in the first place, and he glances down at where the two of you were joined. Rings of arousal coat the length of his half-pulled-out dick, and the second he retreats all of it, a bulging push of his cum seeps out of you, dripping and pooling all over the hardwood floors.

“Holy shit, I wish I could take a picture of this,” he says, taking a step away to commit the sight to memory, your legs trembling and still slightly spread, ass pushed out and when you wiggle it a little, he lets out a huff of an exhale because he just can’t believe how sexy you are. Are all college girls like this? He’s never been to college, his old man’s been trying to get him to go for years, but maybe this is what finally convinces him.

“No pics,” you breathe out once you catch your breath, standing up straight slowly, “that’s my one sex rule.”

He takes a step closer to you, flipping your skirt back over your ass while you shimmy your shirt down to cover your chest. “That’s the only rule you have? Anything else goes?” he asks.

You spin around to face him, his eyes briefly flitting down to the still exposed skin of your midriff. “I have a feeling I’d be making up more specific rules if it was with you.”

He smiles, his hands grabbing your hips before pressing you up against the door again. “I also had a rule. It was to not fuck you. Wait, no, to not flirt with you. Which, technically, I didn’t do.”

You blink your eyes at him. “You’re kidding, right?”

“What?” he asks, genuinely confused, “I didn’t.”

“Huh—” you scoff, “how do you think we got into this situation in the first place?? You didn’t just say wanna fuck? You were insufferably flirty with me.”

“Nahhh nah nah nah nah, baby, that’s not flirting,” he tells you, thumb running circles over your hips, “that’s, like—…I don’t even fuckin’ know how it worked on you to be honest, I was just being stupid.”

“Oh okay so I’m stupid.”

“I never said you were stupid?”

“Well you said you were being stupid so me falling for it must mean I’m stupid.”

“Pshhh. You’re cute. Pulling weeds, by the way? Adorable.”

Your hand slowly roams up the front of his shirt, the fabric bunching at your wrists until you uncovered up to his collar bone, and you stare at his skin. He tries to not let the way his heart’s beating faster show through the heave of his chest. 

“Why do you have all these scars, anyway?” you whisper to him.   

“Too many girls tryna stab me,” he tells you.

You roll your eyes. “Seriously.” Your thumb traces the one you had left on him. 

“I—” He stops himself.

Does he tell you? Should he tell you? What, just because he’s seen you naked and you took his dick like a queen he’s supposed to open up to you about these things now? He doesn’t know. Maybe he could? Maybe you already suspect what he does at night. And if not, at the very least, I’m an underground boxer might make you think he’s hot? At the very worst, you’ll report him to the cops and he’d get fired as your little brother’s babysitter then thrown into jail, but not before the busted cartel gets him first.

“Maybe I’ll tell you some other time,” he says, his hand wrapping around your wrist and pulling it from his chest, “no hyper personal details until you’ve had my dick in your mouth at least once or twice. That’s my one rule.”

You snort. “I could’ve guessed that rule from a mile away.”

He hums. And then there’s the sound of steps creaking down the stairs above the two of you.

You both make eye contact, eyes widening, internally yelling at each other: how the fuck did we get into this situation twice?!

This time, Gojo opens the door and stumbles out of the closet, leaving you inside of it, just in time for your mom to come down the stairs.

“Satoru. I was looking for you,” she says as she rounds the post. “Have you picked up Yuuji? He has to go for his swimming lessons soon.”

“Ah, nope, was just about to head out,” he says, letting out a cough to diffuse tension, “sorry, I was—” he points his thumb over his shoulder to behind him, “…pulling out some gnarly weeds.”

She narrows her eyes at him. “I see. Well, thanks. If you want, I can add a gardening stipend to your paycheck. Let me know.” And he’s not sure how to respond because he’s not sure if she’s joking. 

He heads out the door, the keys to your mom’s minivan in his palm as he throws them up into the air and catches them a couple times. And just before he gets inside the car, he turns on his heel to face the house and pulls his phone out of his pocket to type in a message for you.

3:22pm Gojo Satoru: Send over those me-specific sex rules soon

.

.

.

[the end]

a/n. hope u enjoyed im shitting bricks posting this bc i haven't posted a oneshot smut since february but thanks so much for reading i appreciate u!! i got way too invested in the whole underground boxer thing 😂😂 but the fact i managed to keep everything under 12k is an accomplishment to me bc if u read my other fics you know i’m a yapper LOL i have another kind of a similarly written smut oneshot n it’s a lil angsty (totally different au tho) i’ll probs post that one next but yea i really like, hmm, i really like exploring entire characters within a short amount of time i enjoy writing the obscure lore drops xd it’s been kinda fun so far anywho much loveee hope to see u around! <3

➸ masterlist

taglist:

@joemama-2 @erencvlt @pickuptruck01 @hanakotateyama @nuronhe

@beabadobeee @air3922 @timetoletmyimaginationfly @chiyokoemilia @jotarohat

@sirencholia @sorcerersseestars @horisdope @to-dabi @staoru

@aliidarling @ninjaturtletoes @lavender-hvze @lanadelreylover11 @chckn-pi

@satoryaa @gojodickbig @v4mpieres @reinam00n @sleepyyammy

@haikomaiko @tbzzluvr @myahfig4 @arabelluhhh4200 @bloopsstuff

@nat-the-gayass-down-bad-mf @badbclub @blackunecorn @geniejunn @n0tviv

@verystrawberryhottub @iheartshopping @peonysfordayz @dreamsxmerci @aishies-stuff

@milkm4nz @athinasaurus @sashisuslover @welldamnsatoru @aeriiixhh

@crystalymin @dcvilxswish @miakxn @satxoru

[medicasino]

vent below so dont feel like you have to read this 👍i simply have no where else to put this bc i dont want to Bother My Friends

god i wish i could just kill myself but i like. cant. there's too much stopping me. but i dont want to do anything anymore. i dont want to deal with this constant misery of being trapped in a brain with a death wish hellbent on making me want to die horrifically. i wish people just hated me outright so i had a good excuse to just call it quits on life and die

[arolesbianism]

Would yall still love me if I made an au with pkm characters

[mxltifxnd0m]

must be love ❥ s.winchester

summary: social media/modern era au with stanford! sam winchester

pairings: established sam winchester x reader, sam winchester x fem! reader

warnings: none really, no use of 'y/n', fluff, slice of life, references to drinking, and one mention of sex

a/n: first social media au so please be nice to be loll. but this was fun to make! and who knows i might make more in the future 🤭

also happy b-day to jared padalecki our cancer king 😩🙌 (him being a cancer makes so much sense to me), and the user: dianhhboo is actually my friend to introduced me to spn and i wanted to add her in the fic 🤭

reblog and comment! i love to see your thoughts on my fics (even if this isn't technically a fic lol)

𝘴𝘢𝘮 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵

yourusername

liked by jessymoore, samwinchester, and 1490 others

yourusername life lately <3

tagged: jessymoore, dianahhboo, samwinchester, deansbaby67 +3 more

view all 780 comments

jessymoore we need to have more girls nights, finals are going to kill me ↳ yourusername 100% this paper might make me off myself ↳ dianhhboo remind me why i decided to major in psych 😭 ↳ jessymoore because we wanted free therapy after we graduated

deansbaby67 fyi i totally kicked your ass in cards ↳ yourusername mhm sure you did deanie you were totally not drunk off your ass the entire time ↳ deansbaby67 @ samwinchester sammy come and get your gf she's being mean to me ☹️ ↳ samwinchester not my problem 🤷‍♂️ ↳ deansbaby67 im never visiting you ever again

+ + +

samwinchester

liked by yourusername, dianhhboo, and 986 others

samwinchester study date for the LSATS with my love (we consumed so much coffee but she still fell asleep)

view all 532 comments

bradybunch dude i thought you said you wanted to study alone ↳ samwinchester your idea of studying is just having your work out and being on your phone ↳ bradybunch harsh... but fair

yourusername i was running on fumes and that book was really boring i couldn't help it ↳ samwinchester how much sleep did you get in the past week... ↳ yourusername ummm like 5 hours... ↳ samwinchester per night? ↳ yourusername ...the entire week ↳ samwinchester BABE!? that's it, you're not studying anymore, come to my dorm, we're going to bed ↳ yourusername 😏😏 ↳ samwinchester we're SLEEPING honey ↳ yourusername 😒

deansbaby67 nerds ↳ samwinchester really dean? ↳ deansbaby67 just calling it how i see it ↳ samwinchester whatever 🙄

+ + +

yourusername

liked by deansbaby67, winchestermary, and 1567 others

yourusername guys i love my bf 🥰🥰

tagged: samwinchester

view all 990 comments

deansbaby67 barf 🤢 this is not what i wanted to see first thing in the morning ↳ yourusername sorry mr. one night stands ↳ deansbaby67 are you slut shaming me? ↳ yourusername ofc i am 😍

samwinchester i love you too but why those photos 😭 ↳ yourusername why not? i need to show the ppl my smoking hot and sweet boyfriend 😘

jessymoore youre cheating on me?! im leaving and taking the kids ↳ yourusername WAIT NO BABE HE MEANS NOTHING I SWEAR DONT TAKE THE KIDS ↳ jessymoore too late the papers are on your desk ↳ deansbaby67 wth did i just read?

+ + +

samwinchester

liked by dianhhboo, bradybrunch, and 1053 others

samwinchester love you my silly girl ❤️

tagged: yourusername

view all 865 comments

dianhhboo you guys are disgustingly cute ↳ jessymoore right? like please we get it you're in love

yourusername ive trained you well in taking candids 🤭 also when did you take those photos? ↳ samwinchester a magician never reveals his secrets 🤫 ↳ yourusername you're a dork ↳ samwinchester ah but you love this dork ↳ yourusername unfortunately ↳ samwinchester UNFORTUNATELY??

yourusername im kidding i love you sammy ❤️ ↳ samwinchester i love you too i guess ↳ yourusername oh great ive triggered sassy sammy

+ + +

yourusername

liked by jessymoore, bradybunch and 1267 others

yourusername officially moved in with sammy 💛

tagged: samwinchester

view all 763 comments

deansbaby67 uhh at least tag me for helping you two dweebs move in? ↳ yourusername sorry 🙄

yourusername add'l creds to @ deansbaby67 bc he's a big baby ↳ deansbaby67 thank you future sister-in-law ↳ yourusername @ samwinchester 🤨🤨 wanna explain? ↳ samwinchester @ yourusername not really

winchestersmary congrats on moving in you two! i hope to see you soon ↳ yourusername aah thank you mary we'll be visiting for christmas 😁

samwinchester i love you baby ↳ yourusername love you more sammy ↳ samwinchester impossible

[mydearesthrry]

red cars & red lipstick - h.s.

a/n: this pairing wont leave my brain. enjoy :P. ummm trying out this new smau thing idk tell me what you think!!!

pairing: f1 driver!harry styles (#7) x leclerc!yn

———

liked by charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari, and 985,161 others

ynleclerc_: the leclercies will always persist and be at a race even if we have the flu 🤗🤗 vvvv proud of u chachi

view all 76,155 comments

charles_leclerc: Thanks bug 🫡

scuderiaferrari: through thick and thin ❤️

harrystyles: You guys got me sick too :(

> ynleclerc_: oopsies

> charles_leclerc: You wouldn’t stop kissing my sister 🤨

this comment was deleted by author

> charles_leclerc: Oops

> harrystyles: Oh my god

user1: HARRY WOULDNT STOP WHAT?????????

user2: OH MY FUCKING GOD

user3: THIS IS THE CRAZIEST FUCKING THING IVE EVER SEEN

user4: YNRRY CONFIRMED?????

———

— ferrari’s headaches ❤️ group message thread:

y/n : harry…

charlie: oh no

harry: Charles.

y/n: harry pls dont kill him

charlie: IM SORRY

charlie: I THOUGHT I WAS ON MY OTHER ACCOUNT

charlie: I DELETED IT AS SOON AS I REALIZED

y/n: chachi girl calm down

harry: Yeah. Lol. I’m kidding, it’s not that serious.

harry: I don’t really mind.

y/n: HARRY THATS EVIL

harry: ;)

charlie: you are so evil oh my gods

harry: Love youuuuuuu

———

liked by harrystyles, landonorris, and 2,167,551 others

ynleclerc_: i knew i loved u when u drove me home when i turned eighteen and now i know i love u every time i look at u. cats out the bag lololol i love you 7 harrystyles

comments have been limited

maxverstappen1: Wait this wasn’t a secret?

> ynleclerc_: girl

landonorris: You guys are annoying

> ynleclerc_: ur annoyinger

charles_leclerc: Sorry Bug

lilymhe: well… now that thats been revealed!

lilymhe: finally can be on the paddock wearing number 7 😭

> ynleclerc_: OH MY GODDDDDDD

> ynleclerc_: FINALLY

harrystyles: Oh my god I forgot about that

charles_leclerc: This is unfair???? She’s my sister?????????

> ynleclerc_: sorry you exposed us u can deal with the consequences!

liked by ynleclerc_, charles_leclerc, and 3,261,836 others

harrystyles: Lovely weekend ;)

view all 76,155 comments

ynleclerc_: MY MAN MY MAN MY MANNNNNN

ynleclerc_: just audibly gasped in the ferrari garage

> harrystyles: Why are you still there?

> ynleclerc_: idk nonna was giving gelato so i sat down but everyone left :(

> charles_leclerc: Can you get off your phone and come to the car please, your phone is on do not disturb and Lily and Alex have been trying to find you 😒

> ynleclerc_: damn dont air me out like that

user1: IM LIVING FOR THE INTERACTIONS HAHAHAHA

user3: oh this trio is about to be CHAOTIC

user4: charles is gonna be over their bullshit so fast 😭😭😭😭😭

> landonorris: he already is

> charles_leclerc: Already am

[jorrated]

Good evening everyone.

I've decided to kill myself. no joke. no exaggeration. I've been done with it for a long while.

Due to recent problems, I've basically realized that I'm simply an unpleasant person. I'm mean, self centered, im paranoid, im every negative trait i can think off. I just happen to hide it.

I'm sorry to any person who has commissioned me recently, I wont be able to fufill them.

Thank you, sincerely, for everyone.

My blog has been the one place where I felt like I belonged. And im sorry to leave on such a sour note. As a thank you, I'll be making my archive blog public @jorratedlegs

Please dont feel sad, as that is the last thing I want.

My name is J. Tobias Cesar Miné, and I am happy to have met you all. I don't believe in an afterlife, but part of me wishes I can do better on the next life.

Here's the last few drawings ive done, as a send off

Thank you you all, so much, genuinely. Good bye.

Me holding a hedgehog ^ lol

[itsjustaninchident]

I feel like an interesting prompt for Lando would be being with/meeting a girl he likes who isn’t an influencer or popular, just a regular girl who stays more private. (Me for example, a girl who lives in the middle of no where Texas, with a regular business office 9-5 job) lol

You Are in Love

Lando Norris x Interior Designer!Reader

socmed au

summary: seems like mclaren's driver is not available in the market anymore but the real question is, to whom?

warning/s: none

author's note: hello! I am so sorry for taking so long to respond to this request 😭 I didn't know how I would create this and I am still quite scared to take requests but here we are and I hope you enjoy it! A little warning I'm not very knowledgeable about America so I might have overlooked some things and I am sorry for that 😭 and also lmk~ I also chose interior designer as the career for the reader I hope you don't mind >< 🫶 Please request more!

Part 2

yourusername

Texas, USA

liked by yourbestfriend, yoursibling, and 129 others

yourusername another tiring week but at least i get to be a passenger princess hehe :)

view 10 comments...

yourbestfriend tell him to watch his back i CAN take you back 😏

yourusername dont worry bae im all yours 😉

yourfriend is this the london boy 🫢

yourusername well...

yourfriend when will we meet him👀

yourusername he's a little shy😆

yoursibling mom says she miss him more than u

yourusername i guess i have been replaced in the family now

landonorris

liked by maxfewtrell, carlossainz55, and 320,478 others

landonorris another normal but lovely week

view 1,093 comments...

user1 this is so out of character of him😭

user2 fr why is this kinda lowkey of him to do though👀

user3 am i thinking what you're thinking

user4 is he yknow the d word 😭

user7 okay pack it up people he can have a life that does not concern us at all

danielricciardo 🤠

user9 what's with the emoji

maxfewtrell when will u be back here

user5 oh OH

user6 since when are you interested in architecture 🧐

user6 trying to connect shit...

user7 no you're not go get a life

user8 baes take all your delusional asses elsewhere 😭

yourusername

liked by yoursibling, yourbestfriend, and 218 others

yourusername golf isn't as bad as i thought

view 2 comments...

yourbestfriend am i really about to lose you to some guy who drives in circles???

yourusername nah still urs babe 😆😘

landonorris

liked by maxfewtrell, pierregasly, and 530,789 others

landonorris golf kinda day

view 305 comments...

maxfewtrell you got beaten up bad...

landonorris she was just lucky

maxfewtrell sure...

carlossainz55 i guess ill replace you as my golf buddy

user1 why are his pictures so boyfriend coded lately?

yourbestfriend that's really a nice pic i wonder who took it? 🫢

yourusername 🤐

user2 the comments from max and carlos😭 who's able to beat this man in golf😭 i need to pay my respect

yourusername

liked by lilymhe, yourbestfriend, and 137 others

yourusername fun week in canada :)

view 6 comments...

yourbestfriend I should've went with you!

yourusername definitely! 😭 It will be so much more fun with u around luv :'(

lilymhe hope to see you again !

yourusername looking forward as well! I miss u alr 🫶

lando.jpg

liked by danielricciardo, carlossainz55, and 834 others

lando.jpg canada you were fun 😏

view 1,456 comments...

user1 DID HE JUST HARD LAUNCH?!

user2 I AM NOT SO READY FOR THIS

user3 i genuinely think he has no idea what he posted....

user4 LANDO WHO'S THAT IN THE 3RD PHOTO

danielricciardo mate I think you're not supposed to post the 3rd photo...

carlossainz55 she will definitely kill him

maxverstappen1 im here for it

maxfewtrell so much for being lowkey

this post has been deleted

lando.jpg

liked by pierregasly, danielricciardo, and 234,598 others

lando.jpg canada you were fun 😏

view 5,405 comments...

user1 no way you're trying to gaslight us

user2 man really said nope not today

danielricciardo i saw nothing

carlossainz55 me too

maxverstappen1 me three

user3 twitter fans gonna have a field day with this 😭

to be continued...

[whyse7vn]

MOVING OUT -

[ot7 x reader]

BFFS 😁💜

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

jk: #NEWYEARNEWHOME

#NEWME 🙌🏼

hobi: don’t want to know don’t care shut up

jin: what now

jimin: sighs

tae: AWOMAN 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

yooongi: …

jk: #newbeginings 🙏🏼

namjoon: ??

jk: i’m moving out guys 😆

like living on my own

me

i am

no joke

real life

living with y/n era OVER

hobi: attention seeker

jin: idk if you can even survive on ur own

y/n: he’s being stupid

ignore him pls

jk: house warming party soon guys!!!!

everyone invited unless ur name starts with a j

yoongi: your name starts with a j

jk: everyone invited unless ur surname starts with a j

yoongi: are you stupid

jin: is this about y/ns new bf lmao

y/n: i brought jaehyun over ONCE and now kooks spiralling

jk: idk who is jaehyun sorry idk who that is or what ur talking about sorry idk a thing

namjoon: sighs

yoongi: lowkey valid

y/n: ????????

yoongi: i mean if we were living together and you brought a rat back home i would loose my mind a bit

y/n: namjoon

namjoon: yoongi

yoongi: just saying

jimin: LMAOOO

y/n: not funny

jimin: just a little bit

tae: i heard jaehyun a world famous cheater

y/n: guys

hobi: look you made her upset

jk: y/ns upset?

jin: yikes

jimin: it’s not even my fault

yoongi just makes me giggle some times

yoongi: 🫰🏼

tae: i’ll hold you bbg sshhh don’t cry

namjoon: ew

y/n: i really really like him ok

so if you all could actually maybe just give him a chance and not be assholes for once i would really appreciate it

hobi: ofc pretty <3

jimin: ok but do you love him

namjoon: jimin

jimin: WHAT sorry i really need to know

jk: DONT ANSWER THAT

jin: woah

jk: i mean you don’t have to answer that haha

i’m still moving out btw

tae: i think you should give up i don’t think she’s gonna tell you to stay

omg like a dog

stay

i wish someone would tell me to stay

“stay 😡”

ok bae i’ll stay

am i ur good boy?

tell me i am

look at me

i stayed here

waiting for you

tell me i’m your good boy tell me please

hobi: bro

tae: sorry got lost in the source

namjoon: you mean the sauce?

tae: yesss mayo!!

@y/n tell me to say

y/n: absolutely not

i can tell you to kys tho

tae: Keep Yourself here and Stay

a win for kim taehyung

y/n: kill yourself

tae: no

heheheh

i’m a bad boy tonight

what you gonna do about it 😝

jimin: oh my god stop talking

tae: she wants me

y/n: she has a boyfriend

tae: never even seen that man in the same room as you

u sure you not making this relationship up

y/n: do i need to send you a fucking sex tape to prove it

tae: i mean…..

if you want lol

y/n: ur gross

tae: you’ve kissed me

y/n: top ten worst moments of my life

tae: WOAHHHHHHH

UMMM

OK NOW YOU’VE CROSSED A LINE

namjoon: enough

both of you

y/n: taes a shit kisser

tae: NO I AM NOT

NAMJOON TELL HER IM

NOT OHMYGOD HOW DARE SHE

namjoon: wydm tell her?

ur acting like i’ve kissed you to know

tae: i’ll kiss you

namjoon: i’m going to block you

tae: I AM NOT A SHIT KISSER

jimin: tae can’t kiss tae can’t kiss

tae: STOP I CAN

hobi: that’s really sad actually

jk: can someone do me a favour

yoongi: no

namjoon: what’s the favour?

yoongi: it’s gonna be something stupid

jk: joon can you buy me a house??

yoongi: shocker!!

tae: guys i’m a great kisser ask all the girls i’ve kissed

jimin: girls?

the only other girl you’ve kissed is jennie

tae: THATS NOT TRUE I NEVER KISSED THAT WOMAN IN MY LIFE

hobi: she didn’t let you kiss her even tho you flew all the way to paris for her??

that’s crazy

jin: maybe she was waiting for marriage

y/n: maybe she was waiting for the police

namjoon: i am not buying you a house are you out of ur mind??

jk: but how i’m i supposed to move out?

namjoon: buy ur own house?

tae: why would she be waiting for the police??????

jin: being seen with you is a crime in itself

don’t even get me started of being seen publicly HOLDING HANDS with you

hobi: right yikes

jimin: what’s the french police number?

y/n: fuck knows

jin: baguette snail croisant

jimin: those are not numbers

hobi: isn’t that racist?

jin: to who?

hobi: the french??

jin: you can be racist to the french???????

hobi: i think idk???

jin: shit you better lock me up then

been oui oui baguette eiffel tower bonejawing my whole life

y/n: bonejaw??????????

tae: jin ur like a mega racist…

hobi: do you like trump be honest

jin: tf is trump

jk: namjoon pls oh pls 🥺🥺🥺🥺

yoongi: can you guys not have 2 conversations at once thanks

tae: just say you can’t keep up

yoongi: just kill yourself

tae: WOAH

namjoon get him!!!!

namjoon: am i a dog??

why do i have to always get someone

i think you guys need to learn how to fight ur own battles

tae: dog

“stay😡😡😡😡”

w-what’s happening to me 😰😭

🧍🏻‍♂️… 🧎🏻‍♂️…. 🐕

arf? 🥺

*head tilt*

jimin: this is why women avoid you

tae: take a leaf out of my book bro

jimin: would genuinely rather die

hobi: /gen /srs

yoongi: /kys

jin: wait so jungkooks moving out but doesn’t have a home to move into

jk: i can always move in with yoongi

yoongi: LOL

jk: or jimin

jimin: wow the weather is great today guys 😆

jk: hobi will have me

hobi: no!

jk: jin joon??

namjoon: give up

jin: are you silly

tae: i could

jk: no thank you ❤️

tae: wtf

y/n: LMAO

tae: what’s wrong with living with me???

jk: u scare me a lot i’m sorry

tae: fucking bitch

jimin: what if y/n moved in with jaehyun then you have the house to urself?

jk: ARE YOU SILLY???

WHY WOULD I WANT THAT

IMG THE THOUGHT OF THAT MAKES ME WANT YO THROW UP

NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN

jimin: woah ok don’t shoot me in the head tf??

thought you wanted this independent life

y/n: i mean i can if that’s what u really want kook

jk: KOOK HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHE

my knees just gave out >.<

WAIT NO DONT MOVE IN WITH HIM YOU DONT HAVE TO IM SORRY NO DONT DO THAT

jin: u make me wanna throw up

jk: i love living with you!!! i’m sorry i’m not gonna move out so please don’t move out either living with you has been and IS the best thing that’s ever happened to me please don’t go

hobi: that’s a shinee song

jimin: didn’t she fuck a shinee member LMAO 💀

namjoon: jimin

jimin: sorrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

tae: so you can fight her battles for her but fighting mine is an issue????

ok sexism IS real females were onto something with this one

y/n: females??

yoongi: they way you dig urself deeper and deeper into unlikeability is truly insane

tae: my fault feminist yoongi here to get my ass 💀💀💀💀

NO IM SORRY I DIDNt MEAN THAT LMAOO

PLS DONT HURT ME

IDK WHY I SAID THAT

THE DEMONS TOOK OVER FOR A SEC

NO JOKE BLACKED OUT

DONT EVEN REMEMBER SAYING THAT

NAMJOON TELL HIM IT WAS A MISTAKE

JOON

KIM NAMJOON TELL HIM TELL HIM

hobi: tell me tell me tttttell me

yoongi: i’m gonna shoot him

namjoon: understandable

hobi: it’s the love shot

jk: i’m not moving out guys

jin: no shit

y/n: hobi answer my ft >_<

hobi: give me one sec my love!!!!!!!!!!

jimin: woah???

jin: uhhhhhhhh

tae: group ft ❤️!!

y/n: kys!!

tae: why do girls not fuck with the nice guys anymore

hobi blew up a school once

hobi: ??

tae: get off the phone so my gf can call ME

yoongi: i beg you to shut the fuck up

tae: beggar

jimin: that coming from you is actually insane tae!

tae: what

namjoon: so whose hosting games night this week

yoongi: not me

jin: i did it last time

jimin: my place is real messy

hobi: don’t wanna :/

tae: i refuse in protest of tae respect and love in this gc

y/n: me and jk can

since he’s not moving out and all

jk: 😁!!

namjoon: cool

everyone ok with that?

jin: yup

jimin: ok

yoongi: yes

tae: whatever lol

hobi: y/n why don’t you invite jaehyun??

so we can all properly meet him

you’ve met his members right??

he should meet yours no?

yoongi: ?????

tae: ARE YOU SILLY

jin: ur so wrong for that

y/n: ahhhh idk

i mean i have met his members

and i really do want you guys to properly meet him as well…

jimin: somethings going on

jk: haha yeah lol i mean i’ve met him already

he was my friend lol haha not that it matters but that’s ok

did i say was ?? i meant is lol sorry i wouldn’t stop being his friend just cuz he’s dating you that would be silly

but yeah but if you want him to come that’s cool

but he really really really doesn’t need to haha

namjoon: y/n bring your boyfriend

y/n: are you sure???

tae: NO??£:£:££:

jin: yes!!! #drama

jimin: ofc

yoongi: whatever

jk: hahah lol hahah

y/n: ok

hobi: great ☺️!!!

cant wait

jimin: i bet

hobi: ??

jimin: nothing

hobi: y/n answer :p

y/n: okokokokokokokokok

jimin: i’m gonna do some deep diving i’ll talk to you all later

(unfortunately)

(and by force not cuz i like you)

(the talking to you later part not the diving part)

bye

jk: woah didn’t know jimin was a diver

yoongi: ur stupid

@y/n reply to my message

bye

jin: wow guys i’m really exited for games night

gotta stock up on the alcohol

so i guess i’m going too

bye 👋🏻

tae: good i’m going as well

i’ve got to go and punch a wall

jungkook come over

this is srs business

jk: okay ^_^

getting in my car

speak to you all later 💓

hobi: y/n told me to tell you all bye

so bye from her and bye from me

😁🫰🏼😁🫰🏼😁🫰🏼😁🫰🏼😁🫰🏼😁🫰🏼

namjoon: woah

did we

did we just end a conversation normally….

oh my god

wow

guys wow omg

this is the first time this has happened

wow

i’m in shock

this is such a big step for us

i’m so proud

um

wow

what do i even say rn

….

um

yoongi: how about goodbye

blowing up my phone for no reason

namjoon: no ur right i’m sorry

goodbye guys

um

have a good day???

yeah

um wow

yeah have a good day guys i mean it

i honestly and truly mean it

wow

yeah and

yoongi removed namjoon from “BFFS 😁💜”

—

hobi sus

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @indigobsessed @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie

[lunavrse]

PURELY PLATONIC(?)

CHARLES LECLERC

summary : are yn and charles dating? are they just friends? who cares? well, twitter does. category : smau. note : disregard all times and dates, they don't matter. all spelling mistakes are intentional. this wasn't supposed to be my 1st fic posted but it is what it is.

INSTAGRAM

like by pierregasly, youruser, landonorris and 658 422 others.

charles_leclerc finally got to see ma crevette

View all 2 172 comments

youruser thought we'd agreed that you'd never call that in public ever again

charles_leclerc no, you said that, i was silent

user2 were you silent or were you silenced😭

youruser you're such a pain in my arse

charles_leclerc you love me really

youruser unfortunately

username67 SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP SOBBING

user08 they're so friends to lovers coded

username12 SHE DIDN'T DISAGREE!!!

pierregasly didn't you see her 2 months ago? when you flew out to see her

charles_leclerc that was forever ago

pierregasly *cough*whipped*cough*

this comment was deleted by creator

user8 I SAW THAT, YOU CANT HIDE FROM ME

user92 HE FLEW OUT TO SEE HER😭😭

user5 did anyone see pierres deleted comment or was it just me?

user16 no, I saw it too

user7 me too!

landonorris relax bro, no one's taking her away from you

charles_leclerc I'd like to see someone try lol

user99 adding lol to the end of your sentence didn't make it less threatening 💀

user420 *joker voice* why so serious??

user111 LANDO, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THIS??? ANSWER ME PLS, I AM IN YOUR WALLS

lunavrse pls pretend the manips look good👍 also the last one is just a random picture bc I couldn't edit it the way I wanted

user25 what the fuck are you on about?

user72 what is bro yapping about?❗💀

user7 WHO LET BLUD COOK⁉️❓❗❗

user222 monaco's finest😋

user00 them in the 1st pic have my heart

user000 UGH,, HIS DIMPLES!!!!

mutualfriend she's serving and then there's you

user777 two pretty best friends🤭

user66 two besties😁

user33 yeah... besties...

user92 REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD...

user29 REUNITED CAUSE WE UNDERSTOOD

user929 i love this song

user127 I KNOW Y'ALL SEE THE "MY" INFRONT OF THE PETNAME

user24 WE LOVE TO SEE IT

user9 that's honestly so fucking cute I'm crying

user88 charles repping ferrari where ever he goes!!!

user237 suprised it's only the one tbh

user228 as he should!!!

user1616 THE WAY HES LOOKING AT HER😭😭😭

user090 face cards never declining ❗

user10 charlito te amo❤️ !!!

user47 never knew i needed this until now

user74 so real bro

user27 please back away from my wife, it's hard enough seeing her with another man and you have the audacity to rub it in my face😭

user123 two best friends in a room... they might kiss

user262 can we talk about how close they are??? like they just seem so touchy!!!

user751 no fr!!! you can't tell me they're not in love with one another

user12 see if he was touching me like this, you'd never see me again because I'd be deceased

user61 so real of you tbh

user767 pls they're so...

user50 im not allowed to see these, im unwell

user44 you look so cute !

TWITTER

MESSAGES

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

landonorris has posted to their instagram story.

you replied to their story.

YOU DUMB BITCH DELETE THIS ⤷landonorris SORRY, IT WAS MEANT FOR MY CLOSE FRIENDS

you replied to their story.

DELETE THIS YOU CLOWN ⤷landonorris DONT YELL AT ME! I'LL DO IT NOW

you replied to their story.

is that charles and yn

lunavrse replied to their story.

this is the worst manip in this post<3 (editing note: it's actually not, it gets worse)

you replied to their story.

LANDO IS THAT CHARLES AND YN

you replied to their story.

Lando mate, they're gonna kill you

you replied to their story.

I KNEW IT, MY FAMILY SAID I WAS CRAZY AND THEY CAN KISS MY ASS

you replied to their story.

Carlos owes me €100, I knew it'd be you. can't wait to attend your funeral

this story has been deleted

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, landonorris and 712 273 others

youruser suprise but not really🎉

View all 7 252 comments

landonorris does this mean I get to live?

youruser you're funny.

landonorris what do you mean?!? please don't kill me

youruser see you soon x

charles_leclerc we look so good❤️

youruser the best baby❤️

user19 BABY SHHSHSHE

user91 IM SCREAMING, CANT BELIEVE I GET TO SEE THIS

pierregasly glad i don't have to suffer alone and the rest of the world gets to see how gross you guys are

charles_leclerc weren't you the one who sent me a voice note crying about how happy you were when i told you i finally asked her out ?

youruser aww, pierre, you cried???

pierregasly he's lying

charles_leclerc do you want me to send her the voice note?

user65 it's quiet, ain't no back talk🤭

user80 charles said, i've got receipts bitch💀💀

user71 THEY LOOK GOOD TOGETHER!!!

user22 idk who i want more

user505 me and who?

user005 me n u?

user505 lol no

user101 IMS O USED TO GIVING ANDN OW I GET TO RECEIVE 🥹

user41 PARENTS

user14 IKTR😌

user06 IM SO GLAD WE GOT (OFFICIAL) CONFIRMATION

user003 god, me when?

user79 i want both of 'em😋

user25 I need to know when this happened 😭

user87 same😭

[aropride]

following me simulator (in the reverse order it should be for readability sorry)

773,439 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 08:27am

good MORNINg dashboard. time for another day i am not ready but i will do it

#text #happyt thursday treat thursday

3 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 10:02am

to do today. psych quiz , work on zines, Remember to eat, dont die

#text #to do list tag

4 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 10:37am

my life is so beautiful (boy whos at the library voice)

#text

14 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 11:13am

GO TO HERE

#text #Spotify

9 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 11:22am

all right well why dont u listen to the waves crash against the shore for a while and maybe you’ll calm down . can you let the beauty of the world overtake you for just one fucking second

#text

31,798 notes

.

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 12:05pm

everyone on here needs to stop laughing about how "adopting pets from a shelter is for losers" and "those animals should be hunted for sport instead" its reprehensible on so many levels. First of all

Read more

#text #discourse

27 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 12:32pm

answer my questions boy

#text #polls

126 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 01:14pm

mcr5 summer 2024. mark my words

#text #mcr5

8 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 01:49pm

shaking and trembling and looking at you with fear in my eyes etc . did anyone else notice its scary

#text #scaredposting

39 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 02:43pm

ooh my godfdddd guys . just had an f slur moment so insane i literally cant come backfrom this one they have to kill me they have to kill me.

#text #I HATE BEING BISEXUAL THIS IS SO HUMBLING . #i would literally. WHATEVER

19 notes

aropride Follow 🔁 mychemmutal1 Follow April 5th 2024, 04:12pm

[gerard image]

#i miss you baby girl please call me i love you

12,971 notes

aropride Follow 🔁 normalaestheticblog Follow April 5th 2024, 04:23pm

[picture of a big clunky computer with some wires exposed or something]

#MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE. need her carnally #💾

7,122 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 06:37pm

just had the best pbj sandwich ever if you even care

#i love you pbj sandwich #text

4 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 06:58pm

i am goign to rip this title ix coordinator LIMB FROM LIMB !!!!!!!!

#text #WHO ELSE UP HAVING THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS VIOLATED LOLLLL #the negligence is crazy Lol . giys should i sue . i could literally fucking sue right now . oh my god . jesus christ #neg #🗒️

11 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 07:14pm

its like no one even cares about frozen 2013 anymore

#text

2 notes

aropride Follow 🔁 mychemmutual2 Follow April 5th 2024, 07:19pm

[gerard image]

#i miss her thighs i mean her music #PLEASE VOME BACKKKKKKK

1,939 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 08:12pm

judt went to the store and almost got hit by a fucking car coming back Like actually

#text #HAPPY THURSDAY I GUESS . WHATEVER

12 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 08:15pm

no but literally like. im NEVER gonna give you up. NEVER gonna let you down NEVER gonna tell a lie and HURT YOU..!!!!!!!!

#text #/ly

6 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 08:31pm

edibles time i deserve a little treat to be FREAKING honest

#text #weedposting

2 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 09:48pm

The edible has turned me bisexual once more.

#text #I NEED THEM IN A WAY THAT'S CONCERNING TO THE QUEER RIGHTS MOVEMENT

[juunobox]

──★ ˙ ̟ "PERFECT TIMING!"

you're nikolai's intimate friend (nikolai gogol x gn! reader) and he wants to 'free' you

summary : you're nikolai's friend and he wants to give you a taste of freedom (which of course means, he wants to kill you) ur like fyodor to him in this fic, kinda warnings : implied mental disorders, graphic depictions of violence, suicidal ideation, assisted suicide. you have a complicated relationship w him please do not take this seriously, fr i wrote this for coping purposes lol and sorry if it's kinda OOC this is the first ever nikolai x reader i wrote... dont beat my ass and english isnt my native i suck at grammar

Your days has always been mundane. You woke up and work on your laptop all day, then go back to sleep. However, there was a moment when your days became a bit more colorful, thanks to Nikolai's presence. He's an eccentric man who dressed like a clown and spoke theatrically. How did you meet someone like him in the first place? That's a story for another day.

With the time you both had, usually in the evening, he had developed a habit of visiting your place. By that hour, you'd be done with your day job, and you'd have the time to focus all your attention on him. It started as something casual, but as time went by, the two of you realized just how much you understood each other, at least to some extent.

His philosophy about freedom. The belief that being human itself is akin to being in a prison, it speaks to you. And the moment you expressed to him that you too shared the same belief, something changed between you two.

“Because you’re my…

Dear, intimate friend.”

He was fun to spend time with, so much so that it made you forget that he's a terrorist, a member of DOA. He brought colors to your uneventful, colorless life, and you didn't understand why.

“I guess you're sane in an insane way, Kolya.”

The clown laughed at the way you worded it. “Hilarious way to put it, [y/n]! You’d make for a talented comedian. You shouldn’t let this talent of yours go to waste! Don’t you think so?”

You sighed at his remark. “I’m way too anxious to do that. I can't stand in front of the stage and speak in theatrics like you do.” You eyed him playfully, and he giggled at that.

“Is that so? My dear friend can't handle the stage? How adorable, you’re intimidated by your own kind!” He scooted closer and cupped your chin in his hand. Your cheeks warmed up a bit at his touch, and you attempted to hide it. “You talk as if you're not a human yourself,” you said in return.

Nikolai’s grin grew even wider at your comment. “But I am one, I am a perfectly sane human being.” He tilted your head slightly to the side as he leaned even closer, his hot breath caressing your cheek. You swallowed nervously and darted your gaze away, unable to bring yourself to meet the silver haired clown's mismatched eyes.

And then he kissed you. It was a tender, loving kiss. Nikolai attempted to deepen the kiss, but you managed to push him away. He didn't try to force himself on you; however, he simply stared down at you with a smile. A smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

“Did you just kiss me? What was that even for?” 

“Because… I’m looking for an answer.”

“What?”

“I’m looking for an answer.”

You didn't quite understand what he meant at that moment.

This wouldn’t end well, you knew it. Yet, you couldn't resist him.

The relationship between you two was something that words couldn't quite explain. You two weren’t exactly lovers, but you weren’t exactly friends, either. An undefined one, dancing between the lines of friendship and romance. But did you want it to end? Of course not. You never questioned it, despite the uncertainty gnawing at you.

You had always been good at hiding your emotions after all, or at least, that's what you think. Good at fooling others into believing that you were okay when you were not, because you felt far too shameful to express them freely. You beat yourself up inside your head. You couldn't feel things normally, you either feel nothing or everything at once. It's too much. Nauseating. You hated those feelings. But one day, at the worst possible moment, the clown appeared before you. As you were grappling with your breakdown, you found yourself pouring out your thoughts and feelings to him. Nikolai was present with his vacant facet, silently listening to every word.

"I just want to be free. I hate feeling things. I hate this. I hate everything. I want everything to stop!" Your voice was laced with desperation, and you continued, "If I had a gun, I probably would've done it already. I'm so tired of all of this. My mind is telling me to stop, but I can't do it! I keep doing it, I can't stop myself. I wish my body would just give up. All the things I've done to my body, I've tried inflicting all sorts of damage to it, yet somehow, the heart still tries to beat, and so I remain alive."

In the midst of your distraught state, Nikolai's face held sympathy for a moment. He approached you and pulled you into a tight embrace. He didn't say anything, he kept silent— only his grip gradually tightening as if he wanted to crush your pain away.

—

Just like any other evening, you were in your room with Nikolai. He had brought you something new - a small variety of Ukrainian sweets. He said he wanted you to taste a piece of his homeland. It was unusual because Nikolai had never brought you food before despite his frequent visits, but he seemed eager, so you decided to show your appreciation by giving it a try.

In mere minutes, your stomach began to twist and turn, forcing you to curl up in pain at the edge of the bed. “Aren’t you going to help me?" you cried out, struggling to make sense of the situation.

"...."

"Oh, wait." "You're not going to help me because you intended to do this, right?” You managed to say as you writhed in agony.

Nikolai seemed momentarily disconnected from reality but soon snapped out of it and burst into laughter. “Oh, dove! Does it hurt? Yes, you’re a smart one, aren’t you? I did slipped a liiittle bit something into this dessert,” he placed his own food aside and peered over you. “But I didn’t use enough to kill you, what do you think!” He exclaimed loudly in his usual antics. You always thought you understood him, but there were moments when you couldn’t quite wrap your head around his thinking. This was one of those moments.

“After all we've been through, you’re trying to kill me now?”

For a moment, the silver-haired man appeared taken aback. “Why do you ask? That's precisely why I want to kill you. To prove my freedom. Don't you yearn for the same?”

"You wish to be liberated from your emotions, don't you?"

It didn’t take long for you to grasp the meaning of that. You both shared the same understanding, after all. That emotions made you feel imprisoned, but you never thought Nikolai would express it this way. Before you could respond, he continued.

“Because you’re my... intimate friend… it pains me to witness your struggle to break free, just as I am.” He mumbled, his eyes empty and distant. “You’re my dove. My dearest. My angel.” By each words spoken, his voice turned softer, and he sounded genuine for once.

After a trail of endearment terms rolled off his tongue, you spoke. “Perfect timing,” you whispered, managing a grin despite the aching pain in your stomach.

“Then, why don’t we find freedom together, Kolya?”

—

"Nikolai,” you whispered, caressing his cheek. You knew this would be the last time you'd see him. “How do you feel right now? You look happy. If you were to look in the mirror, your grin is so wide I didn't even know someone could smile like that.

“Hahahahahaha! I am indeed feeling ECSTATIC!” He pulled colorful balls out of his coat, along with a couple of knives, and began juggling them in his hands. “Now, it's time for a quiz! Which weapon will I use to end your life? I have knives, guns, bombs, oh, a wide variety of choices! This is going to be super thrilling! So exciting that words couldn’t do justice!” You could only manage a faint chuckle at this. “All of those weapons, because you like torturing people to death. Right?” 

Nikolai took a couple of steps closer to you, continuing to speak in his theatrics. “Ding dong! You are—” He reached for a small knife and aimed it at your throat. “WRONG! You're wrong! Thought you answered that right, didn't you?! Gotcha!” He giggled to himself, his eyes not leaving your figure as his other hand reached into his overcoat, pulling out another knife.

“Because you are my dear friend, [y/n], I will grant you the honor of receiving special treatment. I'll make it quick for you because I want you to be free as quickly as possible!”

You had agreed to Nikolai taking your life.

You saw it as a two-way street, a mutual exchange. He could attain the sense of freedom he so desperately sought, and you could be liberated from your thoughts, emotions, and feelings.

Your miserable existence.

“Ready to take off, my dear?” Nikolai questioned, his grin stretching from ear to ear. He was smiling, but it appeared more like a manic one, instead of genuine happiness. It made you wonder what sort of expression you were wearing. A whirlwind of emotions are surging within you.

You are going to die. In Nikolai’s hands.

Slowly, you nodded. “I am.” Nikolai's grin widened even further, it appeared almost unsettling. Before you could utter another word, Nikolai had already plunged two knives deep into your chest. Your eyes widened, and you collapsed to the ground. Nikolai swiftly straddled you, and he didn't cease his stabbing. “Scream! Shout! Let me hear your cry of freedom, granted by the great Gogol himself! Hahahaha!” Laughter consumed him as he continued to relentlessly stab your neck and chest.

The pain was unbearable, but you couldn’t quite scream properly. Everything happened so quickly. Only disjointed sounds escaped your lips, drowned out by Nikolai's increasingly intense laughter as he continued to stab you.

"Freedom! Oh, this is what I've been searching for! I feel nothing!" He yelled hysterically. His mismatched eyes locked onto yours, your vision starts to blur, yet you could still see Nikolai wearing the same grin and glaring eyes. "My dear friend! Tell me! You feel free as well, just as much as I do right now, correct? Don't let my effort in killing you be in vain! You are free! Free from that prison you've been in! Say yes! Say yes!" He continued his rapid speech, almost matching the rhythm of the stabs.

Feeling your body growing cold, you could only muster a faint smile in response, sensing your blood seeping from your chest and neck. It felt oddly calming. The pain had lessened. Your body turned colder and colder, but the blood oozing from your wounds felt warm.

With the last bit of your strength, you managed to touch his cheek. You weren't sure if it was a hallucination or not, but Nikolai appeared to flinch in surprise when your hand made contact with his skin. Your body temperature was plummeting rapidly.

“...Kolya..” you managed to croak out, before closing your eyes and falling limp.

The floor was now painted red. The silver-haired clown’s once monochrome attire had almost turned crimson; stained with your own blood. There was a moment of silence, so profound that Nikolai could hear his own breathing. But then his breathing quickened, and his smile broadened once more.

“Hahaha!” He laughed out loud, “Oh! My dear friend is finally free now!” He picked up his knife again and lunged over your lifeless body. You were no longer breathing, but Nikolai continued to stab you. “The freedom we've desperately sought! Liberated from this thing called brainwashing!” The clown's eyes remained wide with trembling irises, an impression of madness. Unlike before, his voice now bore a subtle crack, as his gestures also became unsteady.

The same expression remained on his face, but tears started streaming down his cheeks. Nikolai seemed unaware of his own tears. “My dear friend! Tell me that I've achieved this freedom! You can confirm it because you understand me, right? You're the only one who understands me, after all!” His tone grew almost frantic, and his voice continued to break with each word. He pulled the knives from your chest and threw them aside, squeezing your cold, lifeless hand tighter in his warm ones.

“Because you’re… my dear friend… and you’re the only one who understands me…”

[horny-p0et]

incelbur blurb part three

another one. don't need an intro at this point you know what this is. although i saw lovejoy live recently and am pretty happy about it. you have probably seen the photos i took shared around already by my friends lol but you'll never know its me ;)

things are getting weird and gross in this series now, heads up.

part one + part two

warnings: masturbation, nonconsensual phone sex and filming, sexist language and attitudes, alcohol abuse.

wordcount: 1567

dont like, dni. please just block me and move on.

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INCELBUR who's hands were shaking when he sent the first message to your discord. typing the word 'hey' had never been so hard before. he keeps checking to see if you've responded, its the weekend- you shouldn't be that busy... he finds himself filled with regret and disgust, why did he start talking to you again? you're just some girl, nothing worthwhile anyway. you were probably busy sucking some guys cock-

"heyy! sorry i was studying so i didn't have notifications on. did u wanna game sometime today?"

"yeah that would be cool. what did you wanna play?"

INCELBUR who was caught off guard when you suggest to play fortnite duos, he didn't think girls liked games with guns. he's even more surprised when you drop into the game and he finds out you've been playing for years and are honestly better than him at the game. it pisses him off, he wanted to impress you with his skills and now you're having to revive him every round. it's emasculating, he hates feeling like he's useless.

INCELBUR who almost ended the call because of how frustrated the game was making him until you cheer when he gets a kill, and praise him when he does well. your soft voice in his ear is like the best sort of asmr, it sends shivers up his spine when you say 'you're doing so good', he can imagine you whining that while he pounds your pussy.

INCELBUR who couldn't believe three hours had gone by and you're suddenly telling him you're ready to hop off for the night. he wants to beg for you to stay, just one more game, but he doesn't want to sound needy. he isn't a simp, after all. you tell him you'll be on tomorrow and he tells you he'll be there. of course he would, he's always on his computer.

INCELBUR who has to jerk off after the call is over, he'd been hard for most of the conversation already and it was aching by that point. he didn't tell you he'd been recording while you gamed together, he will go back through the video later and clip every time you groan in frustration or squeal in excitement into an audio just for him. the thought of his depravity has him shooting ropes onto his hand within minutes, he didn't even have time to open the photos of you on his phone.

INCELBUR who feels like he's drifting aimlessly until you guys talk again, the sporadic text conversations aren't cutting it. he needs more, he needs your touch, to smell you again. when you see him at school you greet him with a smile, even when your friends give him weird looks you look at him like he's human. it makes him feel alive, important, like he only exists under your gaze.

INCELBUR who has been talking to you for about two weeks, he's never talked to a girl this long before without her running away. it's not his fault, he asks them for nudes and suddenly he's a 'creep' and a 'pervert'. if they didn't want him that way why did they bother talking to him anyway? but you're different. he can't mess this up, even if talking to you is blissful torture because all he wants to do is shove his tongue in your pretty mouth.

INCELBUR who can't help himself but touch his cock while you're on voice call together, it started with him just rubbing himself through his pants and before long he'd have his hand wrapped around himself as you ramble about something. he knows it's wrong, its some fucked up exhibitionist shit, but you are too good to resist. he can't help himself- if your voice wasn't so hot. it's your fault not his.

"god, my course work is killing me recently. i feel like i get no free time anymore, i know it's important but sometimes i just wanna dropout and forget about university. do you know what i mean?"

"... what? oh, yeah... it's.. really hard.."

INCELBUR who gets angrier when he see's you hanging out with guys now that you guys are friends. he's possessive, he wants your attention on him and no one else. seeing you out at clubs on social media is brutal, he wants to demand you stay home and game with him instead. or better yet, come to his place and ride his cock while he bites your neck. he loves the idea of covering you with marks, then everyone would know you belong to him and him alone.

INCELBUR who cringes when you talk about boys on your voice chats. you guys were just playing minecraft and suddenly you're complaining about some chad you're seeing. you sound so stupid in his eyes, of course guys like that are going to treat you badly. they aren't nice guys like him. he's bitter and spiteful, you would be happy if you weren't so blind to the ideal male specimen right in front of you.

INCELBUR who calls you at an obscene time in the middle of the night while he's wanking. he's so close, he just needs your help getting over that edge. you mumble his name in a groggy voice, he'd woken you up and he doesn't care, that single word sends him spiralling and he's stained his sheets with his seed. you ask him if he needs anything and he apologises and tells you its a buttdial and abruptly hangs up.

INCELBUR who should feel guilty about using your kindness to his benefit, but he wouldn't have to if you'd notice how much he wanted you. he showers for you, he buys you skins in game, he walks you to classes he doesn't share with you just to get an extra few minutes around you. he knows your friends don't like him, they think he's a loser. but you defend him every time, he knows you love him- you must just be too shy to tell him.

INCELBUR who sees you at a bar one night and decides to 'accidently' run into you there. maybe if you're drunk you will let loose and dance with him. or even better, drag him into the bathroom for a quickie. the idea has him hard as a rock as he struggles to put on his skinny jeans. he sprays too much deodorant and cologne on, sprays some product he doesn't know how to use into his curls and splashes water on his face until his acne has flared up noticeably.

INCLEBUR who hates being in public. he feels like everyone is staring at him and thinking about how ugly he is, this bar feels like it's been turned up to eleven. he sticks out like a sore thumb because of his height and skinny build, he almost turns around and goes home until he sees you at the bar. alone. perfect.

"oh, y/n... didn't expect to run into you here. what are the chances?"

"oh my god, wilbur! what the fuck are you doing out of the house?"

"buying you a drink, hopefully."

INCELBUR who can smell the alcohol on your breath and see the way your lipstick is smudged, who the fuck have you been kissing? he considered asking so he could deck the guy but decides against it. you're smiling at him and it makes him docile, you could get him to do anything if you asked. it makes him feel pathetic, a love sick fool, but he can't ignore those feelings.

INCELBUR who buys you a drink just like he said he would, even when you protest and tell him he doesn't need to. you need to see him as a gentleman, a man who can provide for you. a good man, a great boyfriend too. your arm keeps touching his as you lean against the bar, it sends shockwaves straight to his dick and he's confident if you looked down you could see the outline of his boner through the denim.

INCELBUR who leans in you kiss you and you turn away, his lips finding your cheek instead. you tell him you aren't interested in him like that, he's sweet, but he's just a friend. you tell him to take it slow, that you like having him around and he means a lot to you. just not in the way he likes you, he thinks bitterly. he feels like crying, he's humiliated. he considered grabbing you by the back of the head and making you kiss him anyway, maybe if you felt his lips on yours you'd realise how amazing he was. but he decides against hit, the last thing he wants is to make you hate him. he hates himself enough already.

INCELBUR who leaves a few minutes after that, he can't stand the shame he feels because of his transgression. of course you don't love him, who could love a freak like him? he's ugly, he has no future, he's never even kissed anyone before. he shouts at a random couple he passes on the way home, telling the man his girl is a whore who will just break his heart. he punches a tree on a quiet street until his knuckles bleed and he stumbles into a bottle shop to grab some vodka. he's finished half the bottle before he's made it home, stumbling and crying.