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knockyasocksoff2022 · 1 year

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The Disastrous Meeting

(A/N: sorry. I know this is bad I kinda have writter's block right now, but I really wanted to write someting. It's longer than I originally planned (I feel like most of my stories are longer than I plan for them to be lol) and I'll probbaly edit this later. Also I didn't mean to make Kunikida such a bad guy in this one but oh well.)

under the cut due to length (3635 words)

I haven’t slept the entire night but I stay laying awake in bed even after my alarm rings. I’m so so so tired yet I can’t fall asleep, not without my Chuuya. The bed is too cold without his warm embrace.

Finally when I grow too restless I walk to the kitchen, but Chuuya isn’t here making breakfast so I decide to forego eating. My stomach is too sensitive to anything besides Chuuya’s cooking and crab, and I’m out of crab so . . .

But knowing he would want me to eat, I look in the fridge and see that there’s some month old vegetables. Chuuya must have left them. They look okay but not worth the effort.

I shut the fridge and feel myself shivering.

When I put on my work clothing I throw one of Chuuya’s jumpers on before putting on my signature tan trench coat. It isn’t very warm, but it’s something, and it smells like him.

—

When I arrive at the office everyone stares at me.

“What are you wearing?” Kunikida’s voice is devoid of emotion but he’s clearly in shock. Oh god, I think I’ve broken him, but why?

I look down, to my surprise the jumper I wear is at least 12 or so centimetres too short for me, like some sort of crop top, despite being loose. I can’t believe I didn’t think about how Chuuya’s height difference might make it hard for me to wear his clothes, probably because he’s usually here to wear mine. I’m not exactly embarrassed, (I know I look good in cropped things) just startled, and through the waves of emotions that crash over me (love, longing) I struggle to hide it.

“What, oh this? The girl I was with last night left it, I was planning on returning it, of course, I’m no thief Kunikida-kun, but not before I’d properly washed it, so I figured, why not wear it first, eh?”

Kunikida just raises an eyebrow, “And that thing on your neck, did she leave that too, or did you just forget to take it off, because I will not tolerate such unprofessional things in this office.” His voice is stern.

“Whatever do you mean, Kunikida-kun?” I make it sound teasing but I genuinely have no idea what he’s talking about.

“Do not make me spell it out for you Dazai. You know very well what I am referring to.”

I really don’t, but I have a reputation so I say nothing and continue onto my desk. Just as I sit down something chokes me. I gag pathetically.

“Dazai-san, this is more than inappropriate for work, think of Kenji and Kyoka. What if we have a case that deals with children? Do you care nothing for the reputation of this agency?”

“Kunikida-kun I really didn’t take you for the type interested in choking people.” I wheeze, feeling around my collar to loosen the blond’s grip but I find no hands there, they’re higher up, grabbing onto . . . a choker.

Oh.

It’s one of Chuuya’s, a casual one, not the subtle black one he wears for work (he took that one with him), no this one is joined together by metal rings in the front and back. Kunikida must have thought it was some kind of toy. That man really has no idea about some things, does he?

“Are you going to take it off, or do I have to.”

“You know how weird that sounds out of context.” I continue to tease him, fighting internal panic at the potential discovery of our relationship, while easily wriggling myself free.

I take the choker off, shrugging as if it was a prank all along and throwing it into my work bag. I certainly won’t let Kunikida touch something belonging to my Chuuya.

I can cover this up easily. I laugh, exaggerating the action, pushing my cartoonish persona. “Ah, you’re still so gullible Kunikida-kun! This isn’t what you think it is, you can buy one of these at any pet shop, did you know that.”

“No, actually, I did not.” he looks intrigued, and pulls out his trusty notebook, probably thinking that women like animals and trying to learn what animals like to impress his mystery woman. Yes, he should be marrying her in less than a year or so.

“Yes, they’re called double lead bearing collars and are considered the most effective by trainers in controlling dogs with aggressive behaviour. I was wearing it wrong, both rings are supposed to go around the side of the dog's neck, not the front and back. Then you attach the special double leash and the dog won’t be able to pull you as you walk it.”

“Hmm, most intriguing. He lifts his pen and shuts the book.

I nod, giving just the right amount of pause. “Yes, I agree, it would indeed be intriguing, if such a thing existed, that is. As of now, it does not, what a shame, don’t you think Kunikida-kun?”

I don’t look up but I can hear the sound of a pen shattering and the spring flying off somewhere to be found by one of the unlucky agency clerks.

—

When the day ends everyone disperses to do the things that normal individuals do after office hours. I have nothing else to do and I feel empty but filled with lead at the same time, the lead being my longing for Chuuya.

As I walk home a chilly spring breeze starts up and I shiver, my body becoming even more numb with the cold temperature, but it’s as if I’m freezing from the inside out.

I pass Chuuya’s favourite wine shop and it crosses my mind to get him a gift but then I remember there’s still another two full weeks until he comes home.

When I arrive home I fall into bed and stare up at the ceiling.

—

When the sun rises I return, from my listless staring, to reality.

Upon this re-entering into reality I notice several things.

It’s cold, (I know it can’t be because of the air con because none has been turned on since Chuuya left), so more accurately, I’m cold, really cold.

My head, back and throat ache.

When I try to stand up, a wave of dizziness assaults me, I fall back down.

I don’t need Ultra Deduction to know that I’ve fallen ill, or at the very least coming down with something.

I swallow, it hurts, tears prickle in my eyes. Not because of the aches and pains so much as the fact that my loving husband isn’t here to care for me. Normally I would tell him I’m not feeling well and he would take my temperature and make me tea and maybe draw me a warm bath and wash my hair. And since I fall ill so rarely he would take the day off to work from home and we would spend the day together.

I lay back down and assess the situation. We have no medicine, well we do but it’s locked in a safe that only Chuuya knows the entry code to, and knowing Chuuya he didn’t just make it my birthday or something dumb like that. He told me he used a random number generator. And he neve lets me watch him opening it. And he says he doesn’t worry about me. Ha!

I could of course buy some more medicine but I don’t even feel like moving.

Now, I’m alone with no medicine and nothing to do and I can’t even stand the thought of being here in this lonely empty place all day. My head spins and aches and I feel like I’m being weighed down by dumbbells.

So, I decide to do something drastic, I decide to go to work.

Maybe I can convince Atsushi or Kenji to buy me some soup. Maybe Yosano will give me something, just to make the pain stop.

Reluctant to leave but reluctant to stay, I bundle up and head out.

—

“Oh, Dazai, it’s you, it’s about time you showed u- ugh!” Kunikida looks me up and down, giving a disgusted grimace. I’m a bit shocked, it's rare to see him this hostile, I mean sure he won’t hesitate to knock my lights out, but this is a different kind of hostility. At least I think so, I can’t really think at all with the fog filling up my head.

“Finally ran out of clothes from jumping in that damned river, did you? Ever heard of a washing machine, a dryer perhaps? Wonderful inventions, truly. You ought to use at least one before you think about coming to work dressed like some crackpot wandering the Tescos car park at some ungodly hour of the night”

(A/N: I just realised after proof-reading this that Kunikida sounds so BrItIsH here, sorry!)

I look at my outfit in the reflection of Kunikida’s desktop, paying more attention now than when I put it on. It consists of an old Holiday jumper, striped pyjama bottoms, a blue woolly hat and Chuuya’s UGS. (Which are a little big on me because I have smaller feet than him, despite my greater height.)

“Ah, forgive the outfit, I haven’t been feeling very myself this morning, I think I have a cold.”

Atsyshi looks legitimately worried at my sincere tone but I see the scepticism behind it.

Kunikida scoffs, “And you came into work? If you were really sick, you would’ve just skipped like usual. You don’t need to put this much effort into faking illness, we aren’t going to believe you anyway, especially because it’s a dead giveaway that you aren’t sick since you put so much effort into this ruse. If you don’t intend on doing any work you should just leave, we don’t have time for this, but since you're here, please get to work.”

His reaction confuses me, I may have lied about other things, but I’ve never lied about being ill. The blond’s face tells me not to argue, but I really just need some medication, surely Yosano won’t mind that.

“I assure you, I am not faking, all I ask is some headache medication from Yosano.”

(A/N: Poor Dazai never sounds sincere even when he is)

The doctor frowns. “Why? So you can try and off yourself again? Uh, no! Just go jump off the roof if you’re that desperate.”

“Exactly, we are not going to hand you means to commit suicide in this office, now please do your work.”

I want to ask him why I would commit suicide when my beloved Chuuya hasn’t come back yet. I don’t want him to find my body when he returns, that would be terrible. But my throat is too dry to form the question and Kunikida looks like he’s going to explode.

I don’t have the energy to argue so I just go to my desk. I can’t take the boredom so, through the haze in my brain, I try to figure out what to do. Suddenly I don’t really remember how I got here but I feel cold, really cold. Kunikida said something about what I usually do, but I can’t remember what it was. Well, what do people usually do at work? Ah, of course, they work!

I open the laptop on my desk, watching a little mystified as my fingers key in the passcode from muscle memory. Quickly, I begin the paperwork, filling in details of cases as they pop into my foggy brain, my fingers blur as I type, for some reason it feels like I have to get this done as fast as possible but I don't really know why. My thoughts blur together in my head, melting into goo and running into each other.

After an hour or so I feel my eyes closing. Well, no, that’s not right. I can feel that they’re wide open, but my field of view is closing, black eats away like I’m looking at a photo that’s being burnt from the edges and the fire is eating its way towards the centre.

I blink but it doesn’t stop, fear creeps in, colouring the gooey thoughts dark and violent shades.

I let my head slump against the wooden desk, or maybe it just falls of its own accord, I can’t tell.

There’s loud thumping and a shadow falls over me.

“Dazai, this is your desk not a bed, you can’t just fall asleep. And stop making such a racket, you needn’t hit your keys quite so loudly.” Kunikida scolds.

“I don’t feel good.” is all I manage to say.

“You’re clearly feeling well enough to annoy us with your intense typing.”

“But, Kunikida-kun, I'm not faking. I just need some headache medication.” My voice cracks.

If he notices the crack he doesn't show it. “You don’t look ill, you could’ve at least tried to cover up your lies, now stop being such a pest.”

“My head hurts, I feel sick.”

“Oh, come off it, you brat! We really don’t have time for this, we have something important to do.”

“You can take my temperature!” My voice comes out, pathetic pleading sound.

“I will do no such thing, now get changed, we have a meeting to attend. And it’s with the Port Mafia, so get your act together. We cannot afford to appear weak.”

“I-”

“Go!” Kunikida’s yell cuts me with its hard edges and leaves my ears ringing, as he tosses a stack of clothes at me.

—

In the restroom I start to change into the things Kunikida gave me. It appears to be some type of suit.

As soon as I remove my jumper, a chill crawls over my skin. I put on the other set of clothes as quickly as I can with my vision spinning and dipping in and out like this. I start to style my hair in preparation for seeing Chuuya, (A/N: think of the Dead Apple hairstyle, cuz I couldn’t find the name) but then I remember that he won’t be there, and the emptiness hits me all over again.

I feel myself slipping down to the floor (ceiling?) as the room twists and bends, and just barely catch myself on the counter. Finally a splash of ice water on my face restores my vision, leaving nausea and an even worse headache in its place.

I stumble clumsily out of the restroom but no one notices.

“Ah finally! Hurry up, you lazy bum, we have to be there in 30 minutes and pick up Ranpo from a mission on the way, you know traffic is a nightmare this time of day. Oh, wait, you can’t even drive. Useless, honestly.”

Positively desperate, I try one last time, “Do I have to go, I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“Dazai, quiet yourself and get in the car right now.”

My entire body deflates like a balloon at the dismissal but I manage to drag myself along.

—

I open my eyes slowly as someone shakes me awake.

“We’re here Dazai-san.” It’s Kenji, his sweet smile has none of Kunikida’s malice.

“Thank you Kenji.” my voice is a croak. After a second of hesitation, I ask, “Do I look alright?”

“You look very handsome in that suit Dazai-san. Very respectable.”

“Ah, thanks.”

“No problem.” He skips a head, still cheery despite the imposing nature of the Port Mafia campus.

I lean heavily on the car and sigh as I look up at the big buildings.

Chuuya’s Perspective

It turns out I didn’t need nearly so long to finishe the mission. But I arrive home from Hong Kong in the middle of the morning so I don’t bother going home. I stash my luggage in my office and prepare for the meeting.

We’re having a meeting with the A.D.A today and Osamu will be tehre. I can’t wait to see hi. Part of me is also afraid. I did everything I could but I know he doesn’t care for himself when I’m gone. WHat if he’s lost weight or cut himself or . . .

I take a breath and don’t allow myself to dwell, I’ll be seeing him in a hour anyways.

—

We get into the conference room before the A.D.A arrives.

–

The president walks in first, I catch Mori’s soft smile before the coll, aloof demeanour covers it again. Next is the doctor, she winks and gives me a thumbs up, a thanks for the wine I gave her. Then is the child genius, then the tiger, who looks like he’s going to pee himself, then Kenji. I actually like Kenji, he says “Hey Executive Cool-hat-san!” I have to smile. Next is Kyouka, Kouyou looks longingly at her, like a mother missing her daughter. Where is Osamu???

Last Glasses man comes in and behind him Osamu strolls casually in, and takes his seat. To the untrained eyes his expression is similar to Mori’s, cool, aloof. To me he looks beautiful as usual, but sick. And he hasn’t noticed me yet. Probably because he’s so focused on his facade.This is him actually trying to appear bored and uninterested.

I clear my throat.

He sees me.

He slips.

Just a little, barely a centimetre.

But I know, I can see.

His eyes widen in surprise and they’re alight, a sliver of sparkle in the corner, a glassy reflection indicating fever. I watch his shoulders sag, almost invisible, in relife. His skin is a few shades paler, and he plays off a shiver as an adjustment of his shoulders.

Damn it!

I knew this would happen. Whenever I’m gone he hardly eats or sleeps (as if he eats or sleeps much when I am here).

He looks awful, how has no one noticed? I have to get him out of here, but how, it’s such a small room with so few people I can’t exactly slip him out the backdoor.

He looks at me, his eyes begging me for comfort.

I look at him telling him, with my eyes, to ask the president if he can leave or something. He shakes his head.

Oh fuck this!

If they’re letting them suffer then, I’m going to make a scene, so help me god.

“Which one of you is responsible for this?” I stand up and point to my husband

People move aside in shock.

“Whatever do you mean, Chuuya-san? You knew that your Partner would be here, did you not.” Mori speaks quietly, calmly, sweetly. He can tell Osamu is ill, just as I can and has decided to make my job easier. He may be an ass but he’s a good boss.

“Don’t you mean ex-partner?” Koyou raises an eyebrow at Mori, not understanding what he’s doing.

“No, I meant exactly what I said.” Mori smiles innocently, his gaze on his own husband.

“Partner?” Glasses man’s voice squeaks and his face pales as he tries to maintain composure. “In what way?” he asks, clearly forcing himself to be calmer now.

I’m still too mad to really answer him. “That doesn’t matter, how long has he been ill?”

“Ill?” Glasses man asks confused

“Yeah, can’t you idiots see!”

“I assure you, Executive Nakahara, he is perfectly fine.”

It annoys me even further not being called by my married name, though I hardly expect him to know it. I walk up to the idealist, grabbing his collar “Fine? FINE?? He—”

A weight settles against me. I look down, and catch Osamu before he slides to the floor. He’s fainted.

I look at the blond, who looks as shocked as if a pink elephant has pranced its way into the room, and rage boils in my blood rising up to the surface, just beneath my skin.

I grab his hand, with much more force than is necessary, and force it against Osamu’s forehead.

“Feel that? He has a fever. It’s so fucking obvious, how can you call yourselves detectives?”

“Oh, so he really wasn’t lying.” I hear the doctor whisper, she sounds incredulous.

“Lying?” I’m confused at first and then I get it, “HE TRIED TO TELL YOU!”

“Please calm down.” Glasses man’s voice is almost erased by fear

“NO, I DON'T THINK I WILL!”

“You must understand why we didn’t believe him.” The blond is afraid for his life, as he should be.

“I. Don’t. Care.” I make my voice quite, precise, deadly as I let go of him. He falls off balance and stumbles to the floor.

“Come on, Osmau, we’re going home.”

His eyes open a little bit, “Mnn, Chuu?” he groans, “m’ gonna be sick.”

Shit! I grab a bin and put it under his chin, and help him down to the floor, just in time. As he empties his stomach I rub his back gently, whispering sweet nothings. I can tell he’s suffering, he hates being in pain.

“It’s alright, it’s okay, Osamu, you’re gonna be okay, baby.”

I know I probably shouldn’t be letting these people know I have a softer side but at this point I couldn’t care less.

When he’s finished I hold him against me protectively and turn back to the detectives.

“Listen to me very closely.” I step closer, “He may be an annoying asshole liar but he wouldn’t lie about this. Next time, believe him, or you’ll be hearing from me.

With that I take my husband and leave the amused port mafia members and shocked detectives behind.

The mackerel is asleep before I even get to my car. I thank the gods I brought it and not my motorbike.

—

When we get inside Osamu pukes again, this is going to be a long next few days.

EPILOGUE: Author P.O.V.

It’s safe to say that the A.D.A is thoroughly shook. You could hear the yelling from the next town over.

Meanwhile the two leaders of the organisations are smiling bemused at their subordinated shenanigans, both mentally deciding what they should have for dinner since they skipped lunch for this meeting.

The fight ends when Kunikida passes out from shock after Kuoyou tells him how long soukoku has been together.

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #soukoku #bsd #dazai osamu #port mafia #dazai chuuya - nee nakahara #fukumori #soukoku relationship reveal #soukoku sickfic #soukoku hurt/comfort

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placeinthisworld · 5 months

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I forget if I sent this or I just made a draft-if I already did and you don’t want to respond pls ignore.

Is it weird that I think she should stop calling out Kim specifically in her music? That happened almost a decade ago and her career is bigger than ever. Also capitalizing K I and M in the song title like she’s 16 again is really juvenile and not necessary. She could have left it more vague and still use her anger as fuel of a general rage song. It’s her NEED to have everyone know it’s about Kim holds the song back. It’s a Tumblr call out post more than a song. And also bringing her kid into it is really low. I don’t like the Kardashians at all but it’s weird for her to still be making call out songs like this.

I remember seeing an interview with the lead singer of All American Rejects a long time ago where the lead singer saying he wrote a song that was about his roommate who was a huge asshole and driving him crazy and he just wanted to end things by smothering him with a pillow-but that’s not a good idea for a song so he wrote it loosely enough that it sounds like it’s about heartbreak. (It Ends Tonight)

I want her to do more of that like how she turned her pain over losing her masters into a song about how a woman who was murdered decides to haunt her murderous husband to enact ghostly revenge(mtr). It’s one of my favorite from folklore and it works without knowing the deep Taylor Lore.

no i definitely agree i think the whole kimye drama should die in the grave she buried it in already. it definitely feels repetitive now. we get it. we know they fucked her over and tried to ruin her career but look at her now!!! like i understand that to her that might be like, the most traumatic/ stressful times in her life and she has every right to write about whatever in her life, i just also agree and think she could have toned it down. the capitalizing of letters in the title was probably the line, like we would have understood exactly who she was talking about in the song without it lol. i think it would have been more clever if it was discreet. as for the part about her kids i honestly didn’t think it was too bad bc like she’s kinda right you know kim’s kids are prob blasting at least one taylor swift song a day and you know kim must die just a little bit inside when she’s reminded. im pretty she shes mentioned something about it on her tv show a few years back. like i said i think it would have been even funnier if it was more vague in that context.

and also WOW that’s crazy i didn’t know that about that song that’s actually sooo funny. ugh yeah she can write stuff like that it just kinda depends on who’s she working with 🥴

folklore taylor was truly amazing and something else and i think we know that there are two main reasons as to why…..

#answered #anon #anonymous #folklore is my favorite post bmr taylor era she was truly #at her peak #ttpd seems like she’s *trying* recreate that but obviously can’t

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almalvo · 1 year

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STAR TREK: DISCOVERY | S1E3 "Context Is For Kings"

[I will react to each episode individually and in full, raw reception and then post as is unrevised here onto my tumblr for the full span of every and all NuTrek episodes and series that have been and will be released. If this falls under your field of interest - I welcome your company in joining me. Enjoy the ride.] -------

Rated "mature" huh. [suspicious face] man seeing the starfleet symbol ugh man look outside its so pretty i love the colours i keep saying this but i looooove the colourssss ugh these effects are so are SOOO whoa nice suit on the pilot the filming style is odd in DISCO pacing wise rn still but whats cool is it no longer feels like that almost stagnant "another day in star trek" type feeling. everything feels very specialised episode by episode - very "limited series" - cuz it is. what ship is this it looks kinda like an idic pin from underneath NCC OH SHIT ITS THE SHIPPPPPP OHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKK THIS IS DISCOVERY?!!?!??!?!??! OH MFUCK ITS NAME IS AFTER A SHIP YEAH OK DUH BUT ALSO WHAT THE FUCK ugh this intro listen youll read this probably the next 50 times over how i just gawk at the everything that im eating right now with my eyeballs the Discovery ship has such an odd shape no but its literally IDIC the ship but also its SOOO cool to see the evolution of the ship designs until we land at the PERFECT ratio of NCC-1701 Enterprise.

fuck that just made me think - oh SHIT---

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh who HO\ WHO WHO LEADS THIS SHIP WHO WHOOOOOOOOOO LEEEAAAAAAADS THHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS SHHSHSIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP whoa eyes with pretty reflection/not reflection nvm who is this????????? gabriel lorca? ok sry not to be underwhelmed but i am too eager its my fault alright mr. lorca - lets see what you about. i have never seen someone just eat fortune cookies like an everyday snack in a wooden bowl. discovery has a very interesting feeling, more..

door just shut in her face wow WHO ELSE IS ON THIS MASSIVE SHIP THOUGH NO NO NO ALSO ITS A FUCKING SCIENCE VESSEL. SCIENCE. VESSEL. SCIENCE. Whos this lady? aw she seems cute sylvia tilly? aw poor gal id shake her hand yo i like these beds mickey nah nahhh no thanks sylvia. sylvia. listen. dont be weird now. black alert. intersting what the hell ? its so PRETTY THOUGH whoaaaaa WHAOSSSS WHOAAA yeah no WHAT the hell IS going on on this ship please do tell??? new replicator hi saruuuu he is very fitting as first officer what are you eating? hahahahahhahha wow they nailed that one blueberries huh yeahhhh not me thinkin he eating larvae or somethin nope no sirrr i like the bowl hes eats from from though ugh hes so TALLLLL hes such a nice stick

idk why the title image of this show with burnham giving the vulcan salute only NOW is hitting me with its potential significance

fearing a black woman huh idk bruh come on now star trek not today bro not today

stamets why does this name sound familiar tf is this so fuckin weird though must we be so discriminatory tho lmao this stamets? whats this sparkle wahts happening stamets are you gay sir are you gay damn sir wonder what you gon do also burnham giving the vulcan brow ugh itll be so cool to have holographic text though? man how can we get that to work without a backlight of aerosol straal? straal and stamets. excuse me. ARE YALL LOVERS ??? ARE YALL A'LOVIN??? KISSY KISSY? YALL BOYFREEENNNNS??? lurkers lol ok. lurker such a fuckin nerdy word lmaooo stamets and straal huh. i got my EYES on you ew also give me that starfleet towel WHERE ARE YOU BURNHAM THIS LOOKS SO FUCKING BEUATIFUL OH MY GOD I HAVE ENVISIONED SOMETHING SO MUCH LIKE THIS ONBOARD STARFLEET SHIPS LIKE WE ALL HAVE OH MY GOD that put a chilll through my spine in a wonderful way

lorca has a mouth and rbf eyes like Homelander his face kind of reminds me of homelander lmaoo hi sylvia yall need to smile a bit mroe lol you better apologise the green screening is almost perfect but the border is still there the border of sylvias face against the greenscreen behidn the glass is too hard when its blue outside when irl the face woul have a light that really diffuses about the curfature of her face anwyays astromycologist fascinating. i like what hes talking about though tickles the science degree in me hahaha man what is this research im so curious what project is lorca up to? ugh so juicy im SOOO curious ugh shuttlepod looks fucking sexy. alright whos gonna die in here. whos the redshirt in this away party. whoaaa the mangling is nicee WHAT WAS THAT oml star trek horror though is SUCH a grand idea fuckkkk meeeee bruh this deadspace or what no lie i like the OG bat'leth design more of the blades splayed INWARDS than out

thats big bruh this is liteally deadspace its not gorn in here right lol its not right idk gorn gorn. gorn can do this right thats the first thing i thought when i saw any of this damage. sylvia you brave owowowoww NEVER MIND WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT someone give me a star trek indie horror game RIGHT NOW DO IT ill fucking do it if no one does ill fucking DO IT. oop well guess we know who the redshirt is. broo the way their bodies are twisted like that is wickedddd i dont think ive seen bodies STRETCHED and wrung like a towel before stamets is so calm he dont give no fuck. stamets my man what have you BEEN through?

big space mole looks like a fuckin cow-size tardigrade JEFFERIES TUUUUUBEEE burnham's composure is crazy ugh she recitin what? it better not be another "literary classic" bullshit. this is literally a giant tardigrade. ugh look at the bridgee i love this shot from the outside in why it blurry at the end tho ay ooo who this freeza droid XD GIVE ME THOSE BOOTS YO i want my room to be the bridge oh my god if i had money id remodel my house and make my room the bridge the viewscreen would be my personal theatre fucking bigass monitor projection did I hear that--- TRI TRIBBBLEEEEE EAAAAAAAAAAAAEAAAAAAAAAAAAEAAAAAAAAAAAAEAAAAAAAAAAAAEAAAAAAAAAAAAEAAAAAAAAAAAAEAAAAAAAAAAAAEAAAAAAAAAAAAEAAAAAAAAAAAAEAAAAAAAAAAAAEAAAAAAAAAAAAEAAAAAAAAAAAA THAT IS A FUCKINGGGG TRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ONNNNNNNNNNN HIIIIIIS DESSSSSSSSSSKKKKKKK they really are just having this conversation with a tribble just chillin on his desk son. i knew that sound anywhere oh my god GIVE ME ONE RIGHT NWO GIVE ME A BLACK ONE RIGHT NOW.

FUCK. bye tribbleee oooo in-ship transport what is this box what is the research what the fuck is happening. that is so pretty ohh intersting organic propulsion this is fascinaatingggg oh i really like this lorca has great delivery i BELIEVE in his role god the magic of masterful actors. love it WHOA THIS IS TOO FUCKING BEAUTLFUL NOOOOOO TAKE ME AWAYYYYY oh i love this pacing just now this whole scene was so good im so enamoured right now ugh its so nice to see creative cinematography why the tendrils on saru though what purpose do they serve wtf man wonder if we gon have more that typical star trek alien sexy-time lmaooooo ugh alice in wonderland really when we done with this shit :/ sylvia you wanna be captain? u know what - maybe you might be. if you dont die getting there. (you didnt hear that from me ahurghurghurgunrguhg-)

FOSTER FOSTER MOM AND HER SON??? YOU GREW UP WITH SPOCK????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK WHYYYYYYYYYY HOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU TELLIN ME BURNHAM IS KIRK'S SISTER IN LAW GET THE FUCK OUT

imn losin it whoa dead spcimens who whats in ITS THE GIANT TARDIGRADE sir you did this on purpose what you plannin lorca whats your grand design ughhh the scale of this ship though ugh EAT ME UP no i like that scene a lot though the one with cap lorca talking to burnham in the box - please intellectual star trek lore on mainstream play with modern techonological representation PLEASE oh im so intriguedddddddd.

bring it the fuck on.

kirk's sister in law, what even the fuck--

#star trek #star trek discovery #discovery #DISCO #nutrek #thoughts #text #reaction #almalvo

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rebeccalouisaferguson · 11 months

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Hello! I am the anonymous person who wrote on October 24 that I finally saw Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One. And I did it in the cinema (finally) Initially I was going to limit myself to the first two paragraphs, but then… I'm terribly sorry, hahahaha

TLDR: I really enjoyed the movie, but I have questions about it.

I must say right away that it's completely useless for me to evaluate Dead Reckoning Part One without the upcoming eighth part. This is a movie where a lot of things happen and nothing happens at all 😄 Christopher McQuarrie and Tom Cruise put the characters in their places throughout the film, and now absolutely everything depends on the eighth part: if it fails, then the seventh part will fail. Chris and Tom have been saying lately that whenever they release a new film, they always want to outdo themselves with a new film together. Well, let's see what they will do with the eighth part, because splitting into multiple parts is something new for them.

That's why I can't say anything about Ilsa Faust: it's weird and sad and the most monstrous moment in the entire franchise, but at the same time we have no context at all. As I said, a lot depends on the eighth part. In the worst case scenario, only the first six missions will exist for me.

What bothers me most is the camera choices in this film. I mean, I get why they chose digital cameras, given the difficulties of shooting the Train Scene, the Motorcycle Jump, the Rome Car Chase. But if Fallout looked large-scale and majestic, DR didn't give me that feeling. However, I appreciated the dynamics during the conversation scenes. And these action scenes are freaking amazing. And I just love Dutch angles. I just hope the eighth film will give us great scenes on IMAX cameras like Fallout did, or at least we will see an improved version of the seventh film.

Mission Impossible wouldn't be Mission Impossible if it weren't for a bunch of small details that I would like to return to this franchise for. In this regard, the seventh film was no exception. Three things that have come to my mind right now:

In my opinion, Dead Reckoning Part One has a cool way to create dynamics by splitting into two moods: there's a dark direction in one scene, and Ghost Protocol-style humor in the next one. Humor is once again used to poke fun at the rules of the franchise (the Shea Whigham thing is great. How come they didn't think of this before)

Vanessa Kirby is amazing as Hayley Atwell, lol. This episode reminded me the little scene where Benji pretends to be Solomon, but when Henry Cavill figures it out, Sean Harris starts acting like Simon Pegg which is one of the hilarious things in Fallout.

During the scene where Gabriel makes a comically pompous speech, the sound went off in our cinema hall for a second. People were like, “Huh?”, but then the sound came back. I think that was The Entity broking into our cinema and breaking the fourth wall, lol. But seriously speaking, did you pay attention to the sound of the Entity after the closing credits? I wonder if it's just a reference or something more? I won't mind if it turns out that the Entity hacked the seventh movie and somehow Ilsa is alive.

So, I'm looking forward to the eighth film for which Tom and Chris will have to shoot the biggest stunt in the franchise: the reasonable return of Ilsa Faust.

Hi! Glad you watched the film and really happy you enjoyed most of it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I agree about digital cameras and since they are getting 3 weeks of IMAX for MI8 hopefully it will be shot for IMAX, the feel is definitely different. And yes, of course, hopefully things get explained and expanded in the next film so we can see the whole picture and decide how MI7 ranks in the franchise.

#anonymous #ask

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slytherinshua · 3 months

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Sorry I meant to reply to your last message (I have a terrible habit of being social and then go radio silent for like a week after ahaha). I listened to a few of Hyunsang's songs and oh my goodness, genuinely is he ok?? They were really good and I loved them, but all the ones I heard were so sad?? Does he need a hug?? Who do I have to beat up?

Your post about people is so true though, it's honestly so hard to make friendships (or even just be nice to some people tbh). Sometimes you just don't vibe with a person, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I mean irl, there is someone in my friend group who I just don't vibe with at all, but all of my friends really like him and enjoy hanging out w him. It is quite hard sometimes to be friendly ahaha (it does make me feel like a horrible person tbh, but what can you do? But I think the whole thing of how he got into our friend group is a bit strange. Without context it sounds bad, but I promise it is genuinely kinda weird lol). But definitely if you ever find that our convo is too dry or weird, don't hesitate to tell me!! I think sometimes you have to prioritise your comfort and if the other person is willing to change, then that's probably a good sign!

I hope you are doing well! (I watched another clip from a Lucy concert and got jealous of you again 😡)

lol don’t worry at all!! LMAO STOP IJBOL 😭😭😭 it’s so true whenever i listen to hyunsang im like WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS BOY?? imagine debuting with an ep titled “my poor lonely heart” AND EXPECTING PPL TO THINK UR FINE DIDJKS 😭😭 and if you watch any live performances or his covers HIS EYES LOOK SO SAD WHILE HE SINGS LIKE HE COULD CRY AT ANY MOMENT ☹️☹️☹️ so literally when he smiles I melt so much cause I’m not used to it anyway he’s so cute and I love him and his emo music and pretty voice 🥹🥹

yeah I feel it a lot lately cause I always want to be nice to everyone especially if they talk to me on my blog but if we don’t click after a bit of talking I feel awkward 😭😭😭 and they’ll keep messaging me and then idk what to do cause the conversations are literally like “hi hru” “I’m good wbu” AND THATS IT 💀💀💀 damn that must suck I’m sorry that’s a thing 😭😭 it’s even harder when it’s a friend group situation cause you can’t just stop talking to one person if they still have connections to all your other friends and you also can’t bring it up with your other friends cause they won’t see the problem :( but don’t worry our convos have been anything but dry since you first sent me an ask 🥹🥹 I love talking abt lucy or anything else with you I could do it all day lmao

I’m doing pretty good!! I have my first piano lesson in like 2 days.. I’m really nervous for it because it’s my first one in over a year since I took a break and it’s with a new teacher. I had lessons with her for a bit in 2020 but they were mostly over zoom because of covid. these ones are in person and I haven’t had in person lessons since 2019 🧍‍♀️ I also haven’t practiced piano since last year when I was taking lessons and even then I feel like I didn’t practice at all between lessons cause I was losing motivation.. so realistically I probably haven’t practiced properly and consistently for 2 years fml 😭😭 but hopefully everything will go well. I’m hoping I’ll like this teacher again I don’t really remember having an opinion on her when I had her 4 years ago, but I remember switching back to my old piano teacher who had moved to England since I was doing online lessons anyway. I’ve had her for around 6 years total so I’m very comfortable with her she’s basically made me the pianist I am today lol. but I think in person lessons would be beneficial which is why I’m trying this out instead.

I have nothing to help you about the jealousy but I did get the group photo back recently (kinda sad they didn’t give us 2 cause we did take 2 and I was so nervous when the first pic was taken that I didn’t have a pose and sangyeop was telling me that he was gonna do a flower pose and I didn’t know wtf a flower pose was until a day later when it clicked in my head LKSJSKS) but I am the one w the pink heart and yes I was RIGHT next to sangyeop and wonsang aka my bias and wrecker skdjsksk how did I survive

#﹒inbox　𓈃　ⵌ #﹒moots　𓈃　ⵌ #﹒violet　𓈃　ⵌ

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taylortruther · 1 year

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Hi Rae, how are you? 🥰 I have a very random, very OT question/advice that I wanted to ask you.

It’s about this girl I’m friends with - I met her via my partner as she’s the gf of one of his best friends, so they’ve gone out in the same circle for ages. I met her at the same time as I met my partner (3 years ago), but me and have have gotten pretty close in the past year or so. We hang out and go out just the two of us all the time, we really get along, and I’m really fond of her.

This past weekend, I was out with her and one of my best friends, let’s call them respectively A and B. After a night out, B spoke to me in private and told me she finds really weird how A seems to “be obsessed” with my partner’s finances and how she talks about it all the time.

For context, my partner is undeniably very well off thanks to his family (although he is literally the must humble and generous person I have ever met in my life), and in general, all of his friends are also pretty wealthy and/or come from a wealthy family, including A’s boyfriend.

I come from a really normal family: my parents always gave me everything and did a lot of sacrifices for me, and I am very aware of what it means to work hard for something (or basically anything lol), and A also comes from a normal-ish family (normal compared to the boys’, but still pretty well off), and she really consider herself a “self made woman” (she is now very, very successful at what she does.)

After my best friend B made those comments, I kinda stopped and thought about them, and the truth is A does bring up my partner’s status quite often, she always talks about the boys’ privileges (but often refuses to acknowledge her own, and we actually had a discussion about that once), and she does sound quite… bitter, or even envious about his wealth, even though he’s not the flashy type at all, quite the opposite.

After B pointed that out, I have realised that I have often indulged A in those conversations, and I may have also drunkenly and naively given her way more details than I should have (and kinda regret that.)

So what do I want from you now lol, you may ask? I would like to hear your opinion about it, first, and also if you have any advice on how do I move forward from here? I would like to keep A in my life, I do care about our friendship, and I don’t think she’s a bad person (just maybe a bit of an envious one, which is something I’ll be more wary of from now on). But how do I handle our relationship going forward?

I’m not sure I feel confident enough to have a direct conversation about this, but next time she brings up my partner’s money, what kind of answer can I give her to make her back off (without resulting in an open confrontation)?

[sorry for the rant! I just kinda want an opinion and an advice from someone very external to the situation, as I don’t really know how to bring it up to friends who know all of us, and definitely don’t want to mention it to my partner as I know he’d be hurt]

bestie thank you so much for your patience here!

definitely keep in mind that A has this quality - i think it's healthy to recognize she has this flaw but you can still have a close friendship. so i think the most important thing for you is to be mindful of what you share, like you said. maybe it feels normal to discuss your bf's wealth or share those details because so many people around you treat it like its normal, but clearly not everyone feels the same way. set that boundary and stick to it, because it's possible A might take any leeway and make comments that make you uncomfortable.

as for in the moment... if she does make a comment, i would go for direct, but kind, because you want her to know it's not up for discussion but you also don't want to be rude. maybe you can say something like, "this topic doesn't really interest me, what about [xyz]?" and change the topic. tailor it to your personality, of course - maybe you want to turn it into a lighthearted joke or something. but it sounds like you want to be gentle with her so i think having a go-to response planned ahead might be helpful.

if she doesn't take that well then you might need to talk about it. but hopefully she can handle that and gets the hint!

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gothprentiss · 2 years

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long annoying nightwish post under the cut

i have these regular phases where i revisit nightwish and just like really think about their music and i’m in one now again lol.

dead boy’s poem is one of maybe two or three nightwish songs which is categorically not better live (nightwish is almost always better live. i find the studio versions of most of their post tarja oeuvre, and most of what they did after over the hills & far away, kind of unlistenable in a way that i think is 50% production and 50% they’ve usually had the kinds of vocalists whose charisma and skill really shine in live settings, tarja for just sheer wild power, floor for variation of style and tone) and it drives me so specifically insane.

like okay so beauty of the beast is one of my all time favorite songs of theirs and it is endlessly hurtful to me that it’s only got lq bootlegged live versions, but every time i’ve heard a live version of it it also kind of sucks because they seemed really deadset on pushing marco’s vocals during the century child era so you get really showy riffs on his lines from him, and tarja somehow dialed back— despite nearly drowning him out— as he drags his way through interminably long notes. the fact that he can’t fully hold those notes is doubly funny in the context of a song of that length, because you can hear tarja flagging, too, when you get to the end, and sounding better ragged and a bit off than he’s sounded the whole way. that’s a digression. the point is that tarja-era nightwish became slowly hampered by their belief that their sound wasn’t contingent on her voice in particular, and not choosing a male vocal whose voice actually complemented hers (they sound horrifically shrill when layered together, and trying to push his vocal lines relative to hers only exacerbates this) makes century child a very hard listen. in fact at times it’s actively disrespectful to her, vocally: their cover of phantom of the opera— which is the kind of song you only cover because you have a vocalist like tarja, because you can’t say you heard marco’s vocals and went god DAMN are these the vocal stylings of a michael crawford i am hearing?— renders the final showy high note an obviously pitch-corrected scream which is mixed under marco’s, frankly, yowling. and she can obviously hit a high enough note to carry the song, she does it live every time. “ooh we have a trained opera singer let’s do the famous opera-inspired song with the famous operatic moment and make it our most obvious use of pitch correction of all time” <- my tuomas impression. whatever.

anyway once also sucks but that’s because it takes the depressive rendition on nightwish’s central themes and imagery that begins with century child and sanitizes and fractures it, so you have the desire to experience childlike wonder at the world outsourced to tiresome fantasy themes on dark chest of wonders, or the sort of radio edit feel of nemo; they retread the worst of century child with planet hell and romanticide, which are slaying the dreamer and dead to the world’s uglier, edgier twins. ghost love score is an incredible song but fundamentally feels like an attempt to make a ‘better’ beauty of the beast, without any of its urgency or character: beauty of the beast is an artist’s manifesto, all its weirdnesses a reflex of nightwish’s language and lexicon; ghost love score seems afraid to linger on anything other than a general gesture towards longing and lost love, conditions under which the songwriter still must write. i’m a long time fan of ghost love score— like tattooed-on-me fan— but its relative showiness (length + vocal/choral performance), Epic Fantasy Movie sound aesthetics, and hit record formula low lyrical density and specificity are both what makes it the fan favorite over beauty of the beast and what makes it weaker than its predecessor. like i think it’s easy to say that nightwish has throughout its career made use of song length as a way of experimenting with both structure (their shorter songs can be very structurally samey) and self-articulation, and i think you could get the impression (as i once did) that they were working towards a song like ghost love score, which has become their paradigmatic long song. but realistically their long songs or, in the case of angels fall first, their sequences which add up to long songs (lappi i-iv) have always been the album in miniature, a rehearsal of its themes, a coherent and wandering statement of its message and values, and are present from the outset, on all albums except oceanborn.

but anyway so two albums which are, for various reasons, worse than oceanborn and wishmaster were. oceanborn’s got 2 flaws, for me, which are 1) a lack of a middle ground (maybe moondance, but i think that’s because it’s an instrumental; gethsemane feels close but no cigar) between their developing symphonic power metal sound and their piano-ballad-style lighter songs, like swanheart or their walking in the air cover. this is really apparent when you get to wishmaster where they’ve found this ground, in songs like come cover me and deep silent complete, which balance the natural bombasticism of tarja’s vocals with instrumentals which have finally found that the sort of janglier side of power metal instrumentation can be toned down to a sparkle, and it lends these songs a gorgeous night sky quality that would have enabled some incredible mid-range shit on oceanborn. 2) is a sort of general sameyness, which is true across most of nightwish’s oeuvre: you’ll typically have two or three songs which are slightly different takes on the same sound, structure, and idea. it wasn’t as present or obvious on angels fall first, though, so it feels more notable as a problem here, where it first emerges, as opposed to anywhere else in their oeuvre where it’s just a thing about them.

wishmaster is arguably less varied but it has more of a gradation of complexity, heaviness, and speed across its tracks, and trades the (exuberant, exultant) speed of oceanborn for a more sort of melodic and fantastical sound aesthetic. i love oceanborn’s exuberance (especially how it sounds live— you can see on from wishes to eternity how that speed and vibrancy really complemented tarja’s vocal style at that time, both in their richer, more bombastic quality, and the way that she actually delivers the notes— there’s this incredible wild edge to her singing, which always feels like she might genuinely fly past the note she’s going for, and it delivers so well on the album’s focuses on wilderness and myth/legend. it’s also one of the few times i’ve seen a symphonic power metal group really do something incredible with a classical or operatic vocal. another time is the pre-chorus drums in pythia’s moon on the mountain, which suddenly build speed as they approach the chorus while emily ovenden’s vocals don’t, so you get this incredible sensation of her vocals floating over the track, as well as a moment of purposefulness and clear articulation in their otherwise fairly overworked instrumentals, where it feels like every single person in the band is fighting to be heard, and ovenden’s just gotten lucky that the mix settled things in her favor.

ANYWAY all i was gonna say was that dead boy’s poem (from wishmaster) is sort of… maybe you wouldn’t pay it much attention out of context. it was probably the last time i did one of my big nightwish phases that i really got hit full in the face by it. it’s one of their cursed little british kid spoken word voiceover songs, which makes it a hard sell for me: this kid serves as tuomas’ avatar, more or less, so it invariably marks his more self-indulgent lyricism (worst offender by far the poet and the pendulum, but see also my beloved beauty of the beast). but anyway ANYWAY. the point is that the kid does his thing for a couple of line over this very gentle swelling of a flute, which fades through reverb to silence, and THEN tarja starts with “born from silence, silence full of it / perfect concert, my best friend / so much to live for, so much to die for / if only my heart had a home” and you get this gentle guitar slowly coming in from the second line, the keyboard slowly emerging as the verse progresses… like it’s LITERALLY Born From Silence. in the second verse this builds out slowly, becoming not heavier but more fully symphonic. and still we’re dilating on the themes of music and silence— “sing what you can’t say / forget what you can’t play / hasten to drown into beautiful eyes / walk within my poetry, this dying music / my love letter to nobody”— soft swell of the chorus on that final line, and THEN the drums kick in and the guitars amp up. and if you’re like “jesus yeah sona i get it that’s fucking ham handed as shit” imagine how much worse it would be if the line “born from silence, silence full of it” were not, as it were, Born From Silence itself, and if this sort of meditation on music as simultaneously tuomas’ only form of self-articulation and also always impossible, always working against a silence, always working towards a meaningfulness that can’t be found in life— imagine if there weren’t anything resembling thought about instrumentals there? anyway the live version is nearly that lol. like you never get that moment of just vocals against silence, or against guitar so quiet it feels like it isn’t there at all, only the memory of that flute reverberating. like maybe the thing is that nightwish can’t help but be heavier live since a lot of their lightness is constructed in production— again, i WUV tarja forever and everyone who says she’s overrated is either doing the normal bad-faith overrated vs underrated discourse or just bought nightwish’s cruel and misogynistic attacks on her hook, line, and sinker (SAD!), but for a long time she really didn’t have much variation in tone and style, and had kind of a single volume and presence in a song (loud, rich, powerful). it did create the simultaneously sweet and embarrassing phenomenon where vocalists without her skill or presence would be doing tarja-style vocals they weren’t quite equipped to do (see for example xandria’s neverworld’s end where my beloved manuela kraller, a relatively green vocalist— only started seriously singing in her early 20s, and couldn’t have been more than 31 at that time— does a totally serviceable job in studio but sounds thin and strained live because it’s really hard to sustain that particular sound when it’s not natural to your voice).

anyway. my god. if i ever manage to just say one brief thing about nightwish ever in my life someone had better give me a medal because it’ll be an unbelievable achievement in human will and spirit

#musicposting #SORRY im BORED

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blujayonthewing · 6 years

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talking to my mom about hair care

mom: you need a satin pillowcase! I’m sure I’ve told you that? me: no, I’m pretty sure you never did mom: I must have! my grandma told me that when I was nine years old me: did you know that when I was nine years old I did not buy my own pillowcases,

#???#mom: I must have because I told your brother and [his best friend] when they were growing their hair long #me: they were teenagers?? I've been growing out my hair my literal entire life??#there's no way you gave me this advice when I was A Child because that would have been insane I didn't even have an ALLOWANCE #if you knew a satin pillowcase would keep my long hair from breaking so much why didn't you? ever?? buy me one??? lmao #a frustrating thing about my mom is she keeps bringing up good mother-to-daughter advice in the context of believing she had given it to me #AND LIKE she's not a shitty mom this sounds bad without more context it's mostly stuff like this and I was just never a girly child #there's just a weird pattern with my mom that after a certain age she just assumes I know this kind of stuff despite never teaching me lol #about me

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feelingofcontent · 3 years

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DNP Rewatch: My Google Search History 2!

Date video was published: 02/25/2019 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 389

Phil’s first Google Search History video was all the way back in 2013, so he hadn’t used this idea for a while.

0:00 - Phil looks so nice in red

0:08 - “a bit of a risky move” might be an understatement

0:15 - don’t think I want to know. although I tend to use incognito tabs for things I think are just dumb for me to be searching, lol

0:23 - this is the most random insert-clip; there are no others in this video. and I’m pretty sure this is the only time we ever see that particular bed at the second London flat(s). pretty sure it’s not the main bedroom bed or the “AmazingPhil” bed

0:36 - random animal facts from Phil

0:53 - this was just from earlier in the month. he talked about being sick in his last video

1:03 - yikes he was really having all the symptoms; poor Phil

1:18 - this was from the day they filmed the mukbang video, lol

1:30 - really don’t want to know how this discussion started 😳

1:54 - thanks for sharing there Phil...

2:00 - “too much” indeed

2:07 - that does look exactly like something Phil would want

2:20 - I have never seen an episode of Riverdale and I think I’m going to keep it that way

2:23 - that was from before the tour. but some foreshadowing to them eventually getting a fish!

2:33 - I like that he shares some of the results from the searches too

2:40 - he gets distracted so easily 😂

2:48 - important. and disappointing afterwards

2:52 - Dan had been going running in January 2019, but Phil must have also been going with him too 🥺

3:01 - at that point in August they were in Australia, so maybe he was trying to figure out an animal he saw?

3:21 - I always thought that was a cute merch idea from Phil

3:30 - he had several spons from them pretty close together

4:25 - “the most important one” lol of course

4:34 - nope, that was several months after they did the sims dog video...so just looking it up for fun I guess

4:39 - that was the day of their oscars party, so maybe looking for cocktail recipes?

4:53 - ahahaha, that’s great. I wonder how often he googles himself

5:01 - this is so funny. also he sounds like he can’t believe he’s written two books. Vulgar Wasp no longer shows up when you google Phil, but the sequel to it does 😂

5:21 - this feels like a fever-induced accidental search

5:24 - pretty sure this was for editing the final Dan vs. Phil gaming video...peach emoji was for the same bit

5:37 - they had been eating that specific pizza for so many years!

5:52 - that is a dangerous game to use the power of his audience

6:04 - can’t decide if those are cute or not

6:11 - love the annotation call-out of himself

6:13 - this is so sweet 🥺 there were a lot of casual Dan mentions in Phil’s videos at the start of 2019

6:43 - hahaha, that’s just the week before this

6:46 - probably for a spooky week video? too lazy to figure out which one though

6:53 - important! don’t want a smoky candle...what did he think was going to happen sticking his hand in the candle, haha

7:22 - this is probably the weirdest one without context 😂

7:34 - I feel like I would have been happier not knowing this

7:43 - this is when they were in Brazil for the II movie premiere and Q&A

7:53 - “I won...all his...wealth” um. not sure I want to know what he actually won

8:09 - that’s adorable. also, so many “me and Dan”s in this video

8:17 - don’t want to know why he was googling that a couple days after Christmas while still at his parents’ house

8:30 - oh...oh dear

8:36 - I don’t think he talked about this in the previous video

8:57 - root beer really does have a weird flavor when you think about it

9:17 - where did “universe” come from? Phil doesn’t even know what happened in his brain

9:20 - now I want to try something dandelion and burdock flavored to see if it is similar

9:36 - why do they have random face masks in a desk drawer

9:52 - this is disturbing...face masks that are supposed to look like something specific usually are

These videos are entertaining. Although half the time Phil has no idea why he googled something. The ones that he has a story for are good.

Phil also shared some hilarious outtakes of himself posing for the thumbnail of this video.

#dan and phil #dnp #dnpRewatch #amazingphil #phil lester #amazingphil videos #My Google Search History 2!

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quibblesandscribbles · 3 years

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Centaurworld Rewrite: A Serious Adventure AU - S1E1 Outline

I’m doing rewrite outlines, prepare for some AU. That being said, I still like several parts of Centaurworld a lot, namely Rider, Horse, Wammawink, and whatever the hell is going on with the Nowhere King, and hope there’s a second season to watch (which I will if Netflix doesn’t ruin our hopes and dreams).

Anyways, here’s like, a rewrite or whatever. I will probably post the outlines as I go, episode by episode. Will I get to them all? ADHD-willing, we’ll see. Also feel free to use these ideas/outlines? I don’t mind.

Also assume there are songs in this even if I don’t specifically mention all of them. Also I guess this rewrite kinda chains the 1st and 2nd episodes together as a two parter? Maybe, idk.

Also I’ll preface this with this too: I ship Wammahorse, yes I SHIPSHIP it. Moving on.

Some headcanons before we start:

Warworld (*the world Rider and Horse are from) is a Low Fantasy Setting, there IS magic, but it comes in two variations, either very subtle low-powered but relatively uncommon, or Terrifyingly Powerful and so extremely rare to the point that it’s not very well known and “just myths” (usually for Big Baddies)

Ideas for Horse’s Degree of Sapience Prior to Worldhopping:

A: Horse was just a regular, non-magical horse, and their exposure to the Artifact and Centaurworld has essentially made them a Fully Uplifted Animal. - This is interesting, but ultimately a difficult idea to convey because it would require a lot more setup and wouldn’t exactly fit Horse’s characterization without some rework. This is an amazing idea, but I won’t be using it because it would slow things down too much.

B: Horse is a low-fantasy magic steed raised as warhorse/war asset, who is much smarter than your average animal steed/companion similar to a DND Ranger’s pets, or Mabari from Dragon Age, or a Ranger Horse from John Flanagan’s ‘Ranger’s Apprentice.’ The combined exposure to the Artifact and Centaurworld could account for her gaining speech and her body expressing limited physical adaptation to Centaurworld’s different physics (her body’s new extended range of motion for example) but of course I’ll be limiting this because having stakes make it more fun imho. This is my favorite, I’m using this.

Horse would’ve been considered a very valuable war asset (trained warhorses are like, historical ferraris, expensive as hell, i can only imagine what low-magical smart warhorses would be valued at), though still ultimately expendable for the war effort like anything else

Let Horse have horse behaviors (*can you tell I haven’t really left my horse phase behind lol)! Nipping and grooming behaviors as affection or warnings, ear positions to indicate mood, grazing to eat, laying down only when truly relaxed, sleeping standing up. COME ON.

Centaurworld is a High Fantasy world with an Absurdist bent but with darker undertones, similar to how Adventure Time is, with an extremely high saturation of magic, maybe you could even theorize that due to the Splitting of the Two Worlds that all the magic is being Dammed up in Centaurworld like a river or reservoir, this could be a future plot thread that could be picked up in a later season.

Basic Changes:

Durpleton, Glendale, Ched and Zulius are supporting cast, not main

Durpleton is less stupid and more of a Kronk-expy: a little dim but ultimately kind/means well, has at least 1 life skill he’s good at buried in there though for the life of me I can’t think of one right now.

Glendale’s Narrative Framing: Glendale is amazing, but the kleptomania will be allotted ONE (or two) joke mentions but narratively isn’t treated like one after, somehow establish that her kleptomania is directly intertwined with her anxiety levels. Are there other denizens of the Valley that know the Herd? Are they mad at Glendale for stealing things? Does Wammawink have to constantly run interference to cover for Glendale? Probably.

Make Ched look like less of a pointless asshole: Have him show concern for his friends’ safety and his suspicion of outsiders, AKA Horse. If he’s going to be a jerk, at least let it serve a purpose.

Zulius can stay roughly the same - Zulius is great okay, just don’t tell me there’s backstory and then NOT TELL OR SHOW US ANY CLUES about what said backstory/history IS! (other than forcing us infer/project the headcanon[?] that him and Splendib might’ve been exes, from how they act around each other without any other context/visual/or confirming exposition we literally know nothing other than Splendib and him split/had a nasty falling out and Splendib took the glittercats and the career in the divorce.)

S1E1: Hello Rainbow Road

Opening scene in Warworld

If these episodes were allowed to be longer (shuddup it’s my AU), have the scene open with Horse sees Rider comes running out of some underground castle ruin catacombs and ominous roaring and clanging behind her as she deliberately sets off a dungeon booby trap (arrows or fire) she must’ve avoided while dungeon crawling earlier, and Horse runs towards her and circles at a canter and then Rider does a Running Mount (mounting a horse while the horse is in motion) and shoots an arrow at that flies offscreen

Smash cut to the DRAWBRIDGE door falling and Rider and Horse come galloping out while dodging some javelins and arrows and 1.5 seconds later 1-4 armored minotaurs (the lizardmen?) riding some coursers (swift horses or horselike creatures idk have fun) gallop behind in hot pursuit.

WARWORLD CHASE/FIGHT SCENE

Rider and Horse take out 2 of the pursuers on the run have Rider stay on horseback, dodge and make 1 pursuer shoot/javelin another 1 into a nasty-looking fall, and then Rider nails another 1 right through the helmet visor with an arrow. Have Rider throw a smoke bomb or something at the 2 remaining ones trying to catch up.

2 Enemies left but Horse is forced to skid to a stop as the suspension bridge approaches, then a tense moment forced to walk in order to escape safely across the suspension bridge which Rider cuts once they’re across. Maybe have 1 of the minotaur pursuers having been on the bridge somewhat behind them before Rider had to cut the line, sending the enemy hurtling down below. The remaining minotaur scout stares at them ominously from the other side before leaving.

Have Rider breath a sigh of relief

Smash cut to Horse and Rider traveling across a wartorn landscape, start Horse’s internal monologue narrative until they finally get to the hill and see the ruins of their village

Everything from this point to Horse getting transported to Centaurworld is the same as canon

Not Actually a DREAMVISION SEQUENCE:

Shot/Animated from Horse’s 1st Person POV: Darkness, the sound of whooshing Horse falls, shimmering flash colors [if this were an actual show pls put a Epilepsy warning at the beginning of the ep], then a loud Splash as Horse falls into Dark Water. POV looks down and we see Horse’s front legs and a bottomless abyss below and a then flash of green and off-white from deep below, then look up to see blue light, see the swimming motions of Horse’s front legs and getting closer to the Blue Light

Horse wakes up, blinking, alone (no Durpleton)

Horse gets up looks around, doesn’t see Rider anywhere and starts makes Whinnying sounds (specifically, Whinnying is a social horse call, like specifically going, “Rider where are you!?” in IRL horse)

“And what are you supposed to be?” the “camera” wheels around to see Ched who has landed on Horse just within reach of her tail so Horse lets out a startled squeal (the Horse noise, not the human one) and does that thing where horses use their tails to swat away insects which sends Ched FLYING as Horse’s squealing morphs into her Talking/Yelling “what the heck is going on?!”

Horse does what panicked horses do, she runs

Horse stumbles into meeting Durpleton, who freaks her out more

Meeting kinda the same as canon but with less constant emphasis on reminding the audience that the writer’s can’t write comedy

Wammawink and Horse meet, Ched flies in and goes “hey that asshole kicked my a-I mean attacked me, but I totally beat ‘em.”

Horse tries to leave, discovers the Barrier, tries to get through, fails multiple times, but only 3-4 attempts shown with time passage show by the time of day changing, have Horse’ talking to herself a bit about how utterly weird the talking words thing is, that this is a “human” thing why is this HAPPENING she needs to get back

Waste less time on the visual gags of the Barrier repelling Horse, also get rid of the Tree Catapult scene because it doesn’t jive with Horse being a horse, why do they know how to make a catapult? Also because I hate how it basically shows us that Horse has no physical danger or chance of injury from being FLUNG around like Pokemon’s Team Rocket.

Have the rest of the centaur Herd come up to and talk to Horse while Horse is trying to get through the Barrier, and Horse talks about the outside and her world and doing things, squeeze in some convo about how there’s no (current) war in Centaurworld and how Horse thinks that that “freedom must be nice.” Anyways these conversations are what has Glendale, Zulius and Durpleton at least considering the ups of leaving.

Durpleton: Durpleton approaches Horse alone and asks about where she’s from, what’s home like, expositiony bits for Warworld and how much Horse needs to get herself and the Artifact back to Rider; Horse should say something offhand, like how she dreamed about exploring the world with Rider after the War seeing new things together, to which we’d cut to a shot of Durpleton looking thoughtful, before asking a completely unrelated question before Horse asks to be left alone. He doesn’t go originally, but gets distracted by something (butterfly?) and trots off.

Wammawink, Ched & Glendale: Atop a hill, Wammawink looks up to see stormclouds gathering off in the distance and comments that they’re going to be in for some rough weather, then goes over to offer Horse food, but gets distracted by some other Valley Denizens who are mad suspicious that Glendale is responsible for something of theirs that’s missing. Leaving Wammawink to go off and have to run interference leaving Glendale to approach Horse alone. Horse will learn that there’s no (current) war in Centaurworld but there was one historically, and Glendale will offhandedly mention that they’ve stolen everything from everyone in the Valley at least 4 times and with the unspoken implication of boredom. Ched will butt in and heckle Horse like, “could you leave any quieter?” and Horse sniping back, ears pinned back and animated horse stress behaviors. And Horse’s last failed attempt at passing the Barrier has them drop the Artifact, and we get a shot of Glendale spotting and eyes widening at seeing the Artifact unattended on the ground, then we get a smash cut of Glendale getting herded away by Ched.

Zulius: Goes over to ask about Horse’s avante garde accessories (her bridle, saddle & armor[barding]), makes comments on her style/aesthetic and asks where he could find some. Horse loses her patience, and says that she Needs to concentrate on getting back to someone they care a lot about and could you please just go away?

Horse: (voiced as a rhetorical question) “Haven’t you ever wanted to go back to someone you loved before?”

Zulius gets a Look on his face, then he’d puff up, cover up the Armor Piercing Question’s effect on him with more bluster and then turn away as it gets later

Around sunset, Horse finally gives in to go ask Wammawink what’s up, and how can they leave.

Wammawink tries to feed them and convince them to stay, but Horse waves her off and moves away while muttering something about coming up with a plan

Speaking of plans, the Herd excluding Wammawink (& Ched) start talking about being bored, and mention Horse saying stuff about exploring the world (taken out of context, deliberately)

Wammawink, smelling the ugly head of discontent, sighs in defeat at not being able to recruit this new outcast in the Herd and approaches a grazing Horse and says she’ll help her through it with her magic(not admitting that the Barrier is her magic working in the first place because it’s not relevant right now okay) but then we get the “What’s magic?” bit from Horse and the rest of the Herd butts in with the Song. They wander off to go to bed afterwards, and Horse wants to go Now but Wammawink says that she’ll help Horse leave the Barrier but only in the morning because “you look tired”

Horse: “That doesn’t matter.” *awkward silence*

Wammawink, sadly: “Of course it does.” *Horse has already walked away*

The sun finishes setting as the wind blows the plants and through Wammawink’s fur (ominously) and she shivers, going back to the campfire

DREAM SEQUENCE: It’s dark, then we get a flashback dream of a younger Rider and Horse, idk a memory of something to showcase them either while in training or really show their Bond okay? End with them sitting around a campfire with other young soldiers and horses, someone is humming something (the first few bars of the Nowhere King’s Lullaby, no actual words yet). Then Dream!Rider turns to face Horse and asks, “how could you?”

Horse: “How could I what?”

Dream!Rider: “How could you leave me behind?” (The humming grows louder, there’s a lute being played, growing discordant)

Then Horse starts calling into the darkness/void, “I’m coming back for you, Rider! Just hang on, alright?!”

Rider: “Oh Horse, it’s already too late for me.”

“Rider!” Horse yells as they jolt awake, standing, because horses typically sleep standing up.

It’s dawn but the wind and stormy weather signs are picking up but not here yet, Wammawink walks Horse to the edge of the Valley barrier and tries to convince Horse to stay here where it’s safe, but Horse refuses to be deterred

Brief shot of Glendale hiding a bunch of things from her Tummy Hammerspace in order to simulate the feeling of stealing things again later, including the Artifact which falls on the ground

A shot of Durpleton seeing and picking up the Artifact and spotting Wammawink and Horse some distance away going toward the barrier’s edge

Wammawink hangs back on a hill, glowy hands and the magic wall flickers and disappears, and Horse immediately breaks into a gallop and disappears into the forest, Wammawink sighs and turns away

Indeterminate amount of time later, Wammawink recasts the Barrier, and Durpleton misses breakfast so Wammawink enlists Ched to help her look for him because Ched can fly

Cut to a shot of Horse dropping from a canter to a trot on the Rainbow Road, it’s grown darker and the stormclouds are in the sky. Distant thunder booms overhead, and a few scattered raindrops start to fall

“Heyyyy! You forgot your necklaceeee!” a shout from behind

Horse looks back and sees a running Durpleton holding the Artifact, and stops, he catches up to Horse and is gasping, “Wow, you run fast, hoooo, *deep breaths* you’re really *another gasp* athletic! Anyways you forgot your Necklace.”

Durpleton ties the broken string into a necklace around Horse’s neck and Horse thanks them and wishes them a safe journey back to the Valley, but as this happens the rain gradually falls harder. Then the sounds of the Rest of the Herd finally catching up happen, and Wammawink mother hens Durpleton and wants take everyone back home but then a loud BOOM of thunder and lightning overhead, and then it starts to Pour down rain, forcing Horse and co to find shelter until it lets up. Maybe have someone mention something about landslides being a possibility? Durpleton asks how they found them so fast, dim remember, then brief flashback.

FLASHBACK: Wammawink and co searching and calling out for Durpleton everywhere in the Valley, and realize that he must’ve followed Horse for some reason when Zulius FINALLY shows up and mentions that he remembers Durpleton saying he was gonna give Horse back her necklace. The recast Barrier is brought down and they leave the Valley to bring back their friend.

Back to the present where the group has taken shelter as the storm picks up more, and thunder booms overhead, Horse has some nervous horse body language going on, then we get to hear her mutter-singing or humming the “I never fear the drums of war” to calm herself down, but with more stanzas please, when asked she says it’s a battle hymn that Rider sang.

If Horse was humming, Wammawink could ask why she doesn’t sing, she’s sure that Horse has a lovely voice

Horse goes “I’m a horse, I don’t sing.”

Wammawink tries to be encouraging, Horse is resistant

Wammawink invites her to eat (AGAIN) but Horse still turns her (love and affection) down (AGAIN!) and says she’s fine with grazing and Glendale pipes in excitedly that they have decided that they want to travel with Horse (Ched pipes up that he didn’t agree to this) but pls help us convince Wammawink and Horse protests but someone points out to ask “do you even know where you’re going” and they have a point

Horse acknowledges this and relents, states some stuff about how she’s not going to slow down much however. Then Glendale, Zulius and Durpleton rejoice, Ched acts tsundere, but Wammawink looks nervous and wrings her hands together and relents that “they’ll go with Horse as far as the nearest Shaman” and Ched will go, “hey don’t you know he-” and Wammawink shushes him quickly with a gigglecake

Wammawink doubles down on the mother henning behavior

Horse doesn’t eat Wammawink’s gigglecakes but grazes by herself nearby, occasionally answering a question or two when engaged by the others (not Wammawink) and Wammawink mentions how the weather probably won’t let up for very long and they should take it slow and that Horse should bundle up

Horse disagrees but its bedtime and a bedtime song occurs in the backdrop as a restless Horse struggles to stay alert and awake but eventually falls asleep

VISION SEQUENCE: A shimmer of soft blue light, then shots of Rider ducking and weaving, her sword flashing as she tries to weave her way through a horde of enemy soldiers, blood spatters, then an enemy archer takes aim at a fleeing Rider, and Horse calls out a warning.

Rider turns her head with a surprised look on her face suddenly just enough that the arrow buries itself into her shoulder instead the middle of her back and then she stumbles, one of her arms going limp, but everything goes dark before we can see if she fell

Everything goes dark and the din of war fades away, we get a shot of Horse’s hooves splashing and making ripples into dark water but the camera doesn’t follow her, we hear Horse’s cries for Rider fade, growing further and further away

Still dark, but in the silence we hear distant sound, drip, drip, drip, drip.

Then the episode ends and the credits roll.

#centaurworld #centaurworld spoilers #centaurworld wammawink #centaurworld rider #centaurworld horse #centaurworld headcanons #centaurworld au #centaurworld rewrite #centaurworld a serious adventure au #wow I suck at naming things #centaurworld season 1 #fixed the ending scene order #your welcome

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worldwidemochiguy · 4 years

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Sweets (Soft Yandere! Jungkook)

You keep being visited by the most peculiar thief…

➵ in which jungkook steals your lip balm and perfume instead of talking to you, you leave a post-it note with your number on it for the strange thief who only seems to take the most inexplicable items and has a strange sense of responsibility for your wellbeing, and the cute boy in your photography class with the fluffy hair and the oversized sweater keeps getting more and more endearing…

➵ Warnings: Soft Yandere Jungkook, Breaking & Entering but without the Breaking, Reader is a bit of a ditz (lol sorry guys)

➵ Word Count: 4.2K

➵ Masterlist

“Hello, uh, I’d like to… report a crime?”

Your statement, which had always sounded suitably firm and assertive when you practised it in front of the bathroom mirror, ended with an unplanned upturn, making it sound more like a question than you would like.

“Please state your name and address, ma’am.”

You did so, listening anxiously to the tap of a keyboard as your information was filed away. The undoubtedly over-worked police officer on the other end of the line sounded like he was two seconds from falling asleep, and you questioned yourself for the millionth time over whether you really needed to report this or not.

“What is the nature of the crime you are reporting, ma’am?”

“Um… well…”

You twisted your hand into the fabric of your shirt self-consciously, trying to decide the best way to explain the strange little occurrences that had been surrounding your apartment over the last few months. You had not yet found a way to put it without sounding ridiculous, but you supposed there was a first time for everything.

“I, uh, I think someone’s breaking into my apartment and stealing things.”

“You have an intruder?”

“Uh huh,”

“…Are they currently in your residence?”

“No, I think… they come and take things when I’m not here and then they’re gone by the time I get back.”

“What items have been stolen?”

You bit your lip.

“I know it sounds silly, but…”

“No crime is too small to report, ma’am. We are committed to making the lives of everyday citizens safer.”

“Well… they’ve stolen my lip balm like… several times. I keep buying new ones and they keep being stolen after a week or so. And my perfume. And my hairbrush one time, and-”

“Ma’am,” The officer cut you off with the impatience you had been both anticipating and dreading ever since you decided to call the police, “Listen, we don’t have the capacity to deal with prank callers-”

“It’s not a prank call!” You blurted, a momentary burst of desperation overtaking you, “I- um, sorry for interrupting, officer, but this isn’t a prank call. Things have been going missing. I can’t afford to keep replacing my lip balm.”

A sigh crackled across the line, and you pictured the officer maybe taking off his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose like those people in movies always seemed to do when they got frustrated. Personally, you had never found that it helped.

“Are you sure you aren’t just… misplacing them?”

You gasped, offended that even a stranger could think you so stupid. “No! I remember exactly where I leave things and then they just vanish! I swear!”

“Has anything of value ever been taken from your apartment?”

“Yes!” You exclaimed, excited to be able to prove the officer wrong, “My bunny plushy! Mr Snuggles is extremely valuable to me!”

“…Monetary value, I meant. Has anything expensive ever been taken from your apartment?”

There was an embarrassing silence. The officer sighed again, with a little more exasperation colouring his tone.

“If anything significant is stolen, call us back. For now, just… be a bit more careful with your possessions.”

He hung up. You pressed your forehead against the wall and wished your strange thief had taken your phone in one of his little visits. Maybe then you would’ve avoided making that agonising call.

The next morning as you were leaving to go to class, you noticed a pile of discarded post-it notes on your desk — the remnants of a redbull-fuelled late night study session. Your newly purchased lip balm lay next to it. Impulsively, you grabbed a pen and scrawled a message on one of the post-its, sticking it horizontally to the curved surface of the lip balm tube.

it reads:

pls don’t take this i just bought it and this brand is actually v expensive and i am only a struggling college student with loans and chapped lips (。•́︿•̀。)

It might have been a little too polite considering it’s intended recipient was someone who had stolen multiple items from your apartment, but you figured there was no point in being rude. They probably wouldn’t even read it anyway.

You strolled out of your apartment, planning to pick up a smoothie on the way to your lecture, and promptly forgot all about it.

When you returned home to find a pile of newly bought lip balms on your desk — all embossed with the logo of your favourite brand — you were slightly puzzled. But, once you remembered the note you had left- well, the confusion didn’t exactly vanish, but at least you were given some context.

The note had disappeared, along with the lip balm you had used a scant few times. But, you didn’t understand what the thief’s aim was. Why on earth would they steal small things like lip balm and perfume? And why would they buy you new copies of the product? Wasn’t that counterproductive?

you’re very bad at your job

Your next note read, stuck to your fridge as you left to grab coffee with your study group. It remained there for a few days, and you couldn’t ignore the way your heart sank a little each time you saw it hadn’t been taken.

After six days, when it finally vanished, you felt an odd sense of happiness bubble up within you. Yes, there was someone routinely breaking into your apartment, but at least now you had an open channel of communication with them. They had left a brand new bottle of your preferred perfume — which had been stolen at least twice before you stopped bothering to buy it because perfume is pricy — resting on your kitchen counter, beside a box of your favourite chocolates.

As you dug into the box later, snuggled in a blanket and having a Studio Ghibli film marathon, you didn’t even consider the fact that the sweets might be tampered with. If they wanted to kill me, they would’ve killed me already, you reasoned to yourself, sucking the icing sugar off your fingers. Nor did you question how they knew your favourite chocolate. If they broke into your apartment as much as you assumed they did, they probably knew you better than your own parents by now.

You were the very definition of a broke college student. As far as you were concerned, if this random stranger wanted to buy you things and sometimes clean up your apartment — you had definitely come back to a home tidier than you had left it more than once — then you certainly weren’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Maybe it was a little naïve of you, but… you had already called the police, and they hadn’t cared.

thank you for the perfume and chocolate <3

You wrote next morning, hesitating slightly before putting the heart. Before you could convince yourself not to, you scribbled another line underneath.

i wish you’d write back someday…

As you walked to class, you scolded yourself for the butterflies swooping in your stomach. They’re literally a criminal, you told yourself, Stop getting crushes on anyone who shows you the slightest bit of attention. You don’t even know their name.

Despite the small amount of common sense that you did have mocking you all day, you sat in classes and daydreamed about your mystery home intruder. Would they read the note? Would they be happy about your appreciation? Would they — you bit your lip — would they write back?

You felt like a dumb schoolgirl, excited by the prospect of a badly written love note shoved in her locker. And, like a school girl, you trudged back home with your arms weighed down by class work, a billion essays and quizzes that had to be completed overnight. Did your professors not realise you had a life outside of college? Not that you did, of course, but like… in principle.

You were so preoccupied with the coursework that you didn’t even notice the note stuck to your bedroom door. After an hour of studying, you rose wearily to start fixing yourself something to eat, and your eyes snagged on a flash of yellow.

You squeaked, almost falling over yourself in your rush to get to the door and read the note.

i’m glad you liked them. i’m sorry i took your things, that was mean of me. i tried to only take things you wouldn’t miss, but i guess that backfired… i just wanted to feel close to you. and these notes… are the closest i’ve ever been. i know that must sound weird, but… well. i’m a weird guy, i guess. i just liked hearing from you. that’s all.

~ koo <3

You didn’t stop freaking out for a full five minutes. After that, you poured over every detail of the letter, eager to extricate any fragment of knowledge possible. You ended up with a list which you scribbled down in your diary, above which you pasted the note.

The list went as follows:

They want to feel close to you

They have not talked to you before, since the notes are the closest they’ve ever been, but they must have seen you in person at least once

They are a he

(you adamantly did not get flustered about that)

and

4. He calls himself Koo

When you left your apartment the next morning, you placed your note on the exact same spot he had left his. An indirect touch.

hi koo !!!!!!!!

i was so excited to see you had written something!! you know, if you want to talk to me more often, there is an easier way…

Underneath you had scrawled your phone number, hastily and not allowing for regret before you flounced out of the apartment. The reason why you were in such a rush was because you were about to go to your favourite class: Photography 101.

You had taken it as an extra credit, something that interested you but not enough that you wanted to pursue it as a career. You had expected it to be fun, something artistic to break up the monotony of classes. What you had not expected was the dreamy boy who sat in the first row and had full possession of your heart.

You didn’t even know his name, but you were pretty sure you were half in love with him. With fluffy brown hair that fell over his forehead whenever he leaned over to scribble down notes, and cute bunny teeth that stuck out in a flustered smile whenever the professor praised his work in class, he was perhaps the cutest boy you had ever seen.

Though you were sure he had many girls sighing after him, he seemed to be really shy, only ever speaking in class when called on, and even then it was in a quiet, soft voice. He was kind of like you in that respect. But that was where your similarities ended.

Yes, you thought, sighing as you watched him pay avid attention to the professor’s lecture on the composition of frames, his cute doe eyes wide and twinkling like stars were embedded in the pupils, He is way out of my league.

It took three days for you to lose hope. You hadn’t received a text, nor had you found any notes left for you. You tried not to be disappointed, even as your traitorous sub-conscience mocked you for being able to scare away the one person who arguably paid you the most attention.

You didn’t really have many friends, and the ones you did have preferred each other over you, and often left you out of activities because of your shy nature. You guessed this whole thing had just been a way to feel like you actually mattered to someone, like, for once, someone cared about you, but-

You were pulled out of your musings as your phone chimed.

From: Unknown Number

[6:48 PM]

this is koo

The two of you texted every day, and soon enough you were hiding your phone underneath your desk in order to chat to him, keeping your phone on your person at all times in case koo wanted to talk. Of course, the only class you didn’t do this in was Photography, so you could spend a blissful forty-five minutes staring at the boy who played the role of your husband in all of your favourite daydreams.

Koo still broke into your house occasionally, and he still left you sweet, considerate gifts. Often, you would receive texts like this:

From: koo ✨

[3:24 PM]

sweets i’ve been checking your groceries and your vegetables are not being eaten as often as they should be

i know you have a sweet tooth and that’s cute but please try to stay healthy

To: koo ✨

[3:25 PM]

but i can’t cook all i know how to make is microwaveable mac n cheese :///////

You came back home that day to discover a bunch of Tupperwares full of pre-made healthy meals and a note stuck to the top of them.

try microwaving these :)

To: koo ✨

[3:01 AM]

koo are you awake?

From: koo ✨

[3:01 AM]

i am now

what’s wrong?

To: koo ✨

[3:02 AM]

i can’t sleep :////////

From: koo ✨

[3:02 AM]

sweets you need to go to bed

you have an early morning class

To: koo ✨

[3:02 AM]

i knowwwwww

i just… i can’t sleep without mr snuggles :((

From: koo ✨

[3:03 AM]

Mr Snuggles??

???

To: koo ✨

[3:03 AM]

my cuddly bunny :((((

i think you took him a while ago

could i maybe have him back…?

From: koo ✨

[3:03 AM]

Shit

i didn’t know you couldn’t sleep without him

[3:04 AM]

sweets im so sorry

To: koo ✨

[3:04 AM]

its okay koo

From: koo ✨

[3:04 AM]

no it isn’t

you’re loosing sleep because of me

fuck

i could… bring him to you?

To: koo ✨

[3:05 AM]

you’d do that?

…i could see you?

From: koo ✨

[3:05 AM]

no i’d leave him outside

you’d have to promise not to come out until i text you saying i’ve left

To: koo ✨

[3:06 AM]

but kooooo :(((((

From: koo ✨

[3:07 AM]

sweets

To: koo ✨

[3:07 AM]

okay :((((((((((

but i expect you to leave a big box of chocolates on my pillow for me to come home to tomorrow evening!!

From: koo ✨

[3:08 AM]

of course sweets <3

im gonna get going now

don’t look outside your apartment

To: koo ✨

[3:08 AM]

okay

From: koo ✨

[3:34 AM]

im gone and mr snuggles is waiting outside for you

he might have a little gift with him

You trudged outside your apartment, rubbing your eyes blearily, and looked down to see your beloved plushie clutching a single rose in its paws. You gasped, leaning down to pick up the flower gently, and you noticed all the thorns had been taken off. Koo must’ve removed them so that you didn’t accidentally hurt yourself.

You felt warmth flood you, drowning the butterflies in your stomach and replacing them with something much less fleeting, much less shallow.

It sunk into your bones, into your heart, into your breath as you sighed, squeezing your long-lost Mr Snuggles close to your face. He carried the familiar scent of nostalgia, but also something different, something sharper. You realised with a jolt that you were smelling Koo’s cologne.

You went back to bed, nuzzled your face into the plushy’s furry belly, and dreamed of fluffy brown hair and bunny smiles.

Though with Mr Snuggles’ help you were able to sleep wonderfully, you were only able to do so for four hours before your alarm jolted you back into early reality. Honestly, you were sorely tempted to just ditch class, but it was Photography, and if you missed your regular dose of the cute boy in the front row then you thought you might just crumble into dust.

You dragged yourself out of bed, pulling on your softest oversized hoodie — a gift from Koo which, now that you thought about it, smelled like the same cologne that Mr Snuggles did. You flushed at the thought of him giving you one of his hoodies to wear, though you couldn’t say exactly why that image charmed you.

You stumbled into the lecture, arms full of textbooks because you knew you wouldn’t have the energy to return back to your apartment to retrieve the relevant materials for your next class later in the day. Your excellent plan was to crash in the library directly after this, have a two hour power-nap, and then make yourself get up in time for Calculus.

You barely had the energy to listen to the professor droning on and on about… the perfect lense, or whatever. You allowed yourself the indulgence of tuning out, resting your chin on your palm and gazing dreamily at the boy in the front row. He was taking notes, as per usual. What a good student! You praised him in your head. I bet he has the best handwriting.

Despite your best efforts, you fell asleep within ten minutes. You were woken as the class concluded by the clamour of students grabbing their materials and the scrape of chairs as your classmates stood up, leaving you behind — the only one half-splayed across the desk in front of you.

You jerked upright, grabbing your stuff in one hand as you tried to tug on your bag, eventually succeeding with much struggle, only to drop it all again as soon as you stood up. You whimpered, watching helplessly as your textbooks fanned across the floor. You saw one of them split along the spine as it landed on an open page.

That cost me two hundred dollars, you thought absently, and I just chucked it down like a bouncy ball.

Suddenly, you glimpsed someone crouching down and gathering them all up into a sturdy pile. As he stood up, your vision was full of fluffy brown hair, errant strands falling into star-filled doe eyes.

Oh. Oh no.

“H-Here you are,” He murmured, passing you the pile gently, making sure you were able to take the weight before leaving them in your arms. When he leaned close to you, you breathed in a scent that was oddly familiar, and yet new at the same time. As his hands receded, his skin brushed against yours for a second and you swear your vision blanked out.

“Thanks,” You whispered, your gaze so firmly focused on the floor that you didn’t notice his flushed cheeks.

As soon as you got to the library, you whipped out your phone, all tiredness banished from your system by that momentous experience. You had talked to him.

To: koo ✨

[8:47 AM]

koo i think im in love

From: koo ✨

[8:47 AM]

what

with who

To: koo ✨

[8:47 AM]

this boy in my photography class

he’s just so-

[8:48 AM]

i can’t even explain it

i dropped my textbooks and he picked them up for me and i stg i almost cried

From: koo ✨

[8:48 AM]

wait

seriously??

To: koo ✨

[8:49 AM]

yeah i cry at like the drop of a hat

From: koo ✨

[8:49 AM]

no-

cute

but i mean

that’s who you’re in love with?

To: koo ✨

[8:49 AM]

yeah?

From: koo ✨

[8:49 AM]

gray sweater

[8:50 AM]

big eyes

tall-ish

that’s him???

To: koo ✨

[8:50 AM]

OMG YOU’RE IN MY PHOTOGRAPHY CLASS AREN’T YOU

From: koo ✨

[8:50 AM]

WHAT

IM NOT

To: koo ✨

[8:50 AM]

OMGGGGGGG

YOU SAW HIM HELP ME SO YOU MUST BE IN MY CLASSSS

[8:51]

okay!

are you the frat guy who always comes in hungover???

no judgement

From: koo ✨

[8:51 AM]

To: koo ✨

[8:52 AM]

are you the guy who only ever wears knitwear???

From: koo ✨

[8:52 AM]

To: koo ✨

[8:53 AM]

…are you the professor?

From: koo ✨

[8:53 AM]

NO!!!!!

oh my god lets just meet up or something before i explode

To: koo ✨

[8:53 AM]

WAIT

ARE YOU SERIOUS????

From: koo ✨

[8:54 AM]

…you’re that excited to meet me?

To: koo ✨

[8:54 AM]

OF COURSE I AM

OH MY GODDDD

WHEN?

From: koo ✨

[8:54 AM]

now?

i can meet you at the campus coffee shop in like five minutes?

To: koo ✨

[8:55 AM]

five minutes???

that’s not enough time koo i have to go home and pick out something pretty to wear !!

From: koo ✨

[8:55 AM]

it doesn’t matter what you wear, you’re always beautiful to me

To: koo ✨

[8:56 AM]

you

you think im

b-beautiful

: ’ ))))))))))

From: koo ✨

[8:57 AM]

…

haha see you there!!

To: koo ✨

[8:57 AM]

GET BACK HERE WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS-

You sat on an empty table, fiddling with the tea bag tag which hung over the side of your mug. You had bought Green Tea as an effort to calm yourself down so you weren’t too anxious to meet Koo, but it hadn’t worked because you were impatient and sipped it too soon so now you were sat there nursing a burnt tongue like an idiot.

You knew it was irrational to be self-conscious. He already knew who you were, and seemed to like you, it was just you that was in the dark. You went over the possible people Koo could be, mentally cycling through the boys in your photography class. It was an annoyingly large class, which meant he would be anyone from the guy who smelled like Funyuns to-

Fluffy-haired boy strolled into the coffee shop and you let out an involuntary sigh. He seemed to be cheerful, a smile exposing his bunny teeth and making his cheeks bunch up adorably, with like, five different sets of dimples poked into them. You had never agreed more with the saying that dimples were caused by an angel’s kiss.

Well, at least I’ll have something nice to look at while I wait, you thought, just before all your thoughts suddenly tipped out of your head when you realised he was walking towards your table.

“Is this seat taken?” He grinned, before sliding into the seat across from you.

You whimpered, and his smile grew devastatingly wider.

“Hi,” He breathed, before his gaze flickered down to your mug of tea, clutched so tightly in your hands that you worried the ceramic might shatter. “You didn’t get hot chocolate? I thought you had a sweet tooth?”

“Uhm-” You choked, before forcing yourself to get a grip. How would Koo feel if he walked in here and saw you sitting with another guy? “I’m actually- I’m waiting for someone. Sorry.”

If it was possible — and it certainly seemed to be — the boy’s grin broadened even more, his eyes crinkling into adorable half-moons.

“Is that so? Is he your boyfriend?”

“No!” You blurted, before flushing profusely. The boy across from you seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the display. “I mean- uhm, I don’t know. Maybe? This is our- this is our first actual meeting.”

“Oh?” The boy tilted his head, “Really? How exciting.”

You hummed in agreement, eyes fixed on your slowly cooling beverage. You raised it to your mouth to take a hesitant sip and- nope, still too hot. You whined quietly, rubbing your sore tongue against the inside of your cheek to try and soothe it.

“Oh, sweets,” The boy murmured across from you, and you were too distracted to notice the nickname. He plucked the mug out of your hands and placed it on the other side of the table, as if he was trying to make sure it couldn’t hurt you anymore. “Are you okay? Do you want me to take you to the campus infirmary?”

“Wha- no, it’s okay,” You mumbled, lisping slightly on your burnt tongue and blushing when he cooed over you, “It’s- I’m waiting here for someone, and- I mean, I don’t even know your name-”

“It’s Jungkook,” He interrupted cheekily, deliberately ignoring the rest of your statement, “Some people call me Kookie, and really special people call me… Koo.”

Oh. Oh.

Fuck.

“Really special people?” You asked, your voice small, and not because of the burn.

“Well, people…” Jungkook- Koo paraphrased, tilting his head slightly, “I guess it would be more accurate to say… one really special person.”

“Really?” You breathed, and Jungkook leaned over the table, close enough that you could smell his cologne, the same scent embedded in the fabric of your hoodie- his hoodie.

“The most special person.” He murmured, the fervent emotion packed in each word speaking louder than any increase of volume could.

You had never been anyone’s most special person before, but, as you looked into Jungkook’s chocolate eyes, you started to believe you could almost taste it, sticky sweet on your lips. And when Jungkook eventually, finally coaxed your lips in a gentle kiss, you let him in, and found out that happiness tastes reassuringly honey-sweet.

#bts fanfiction #Yandere bts #soft yandere bts #yandere jungkook #soft yandere jungkook #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts imagines #bts x reader #bts scenarios #yandere kpop #bts jungkook x reader #bts jungkook #bts jungkook imagines #bts Jungkook fanfic #bts jeon jungkook

2K notes · View notes

nrth-wind-a · 2 years

Note

((lol I've been wondering this for a while, but how do you think Bernard would react to knowing time travel is real? Or clones? What are his limits of belief essentially in a world as weird as the DC universe?))

Misc. Asks II Inbox: Open II This got really long (1843 words oh god) so a majority is under a cut!

This is a great question! I apologize in advance for how much I’m about to not answer your questions, before I finally get to them! 😅 I just want to establish some context first!

So, the way I see his conspiracy side is that it’s not actually as outlandish and crazy as it might seem at first; he’s a smart guy, so I don’t think he falls for just any crazy old conspiracy out there. It’s just that he’s trying to find answers to questions or mysteries that he sees. (A brief note on that: the closer a person is to the actual world of superheroes, the more ready he is to believe word of mouth; so when a hero tells him something, he’s fairly ready to accept that as truth, unless he catches them being a troll or something).

But back to how his own conspiracies are generated: I want to use the moment when he finds out that the new Robin (Stephanie) is a girl, in order to analyze how he actually forms his conspiracies.

So, the minute he finds out there’s a new Robin, he immediately jumps to explain that the previous Robin must be dead for there to be a new one in town, now.

But then, that leaves the question of where Batman keeps getting Robins. Well, Bernard knows that his parents would never let him do something like what Robin does, so the next logical conclusion is that they have to be kids without parents to get in the way (or to be put into danger by association). But since they also have to have secret identities, they must also be under heavy secrecy—thus:

Secret orphanages.

The next logical question to something like this then becomes “well that sounds crazy; how does Batman even pull that off?”

Well, you see, reader, this is one that Bernard can answer as well, but in order to do that, one must first assume that 1. The Batman is real, and that 2. He is operating with a high level of funding and tech, because that’s the only way he could be so effective, unless he’s superpowered. But he’s obviously not superpowered, because all the superpowered heroes operate with far less secrecy, in the bright of the day, wearing brilliant, attention-catching colors. They’re symbols, paragons. Batman is a shadow, a whisper on the breeze.

So how could one guy be such a thing, while yet also gaining access to incredibly advanced, performance-enhancing technology? Well, that’s actually quite simple: He has a benefactor. Probably multiple. This means there must be some kind of organization that is either centered around Batman, or that Batman works for.

Now, here’s where a personal headcanon of mine comes in. We know almost nothing about Bernard’s parents, but in Urban Legends, Tim talks about how Bernard could never measure up to his parents’ expectations. In that scene, we also see them meeting with Commissioner Montoya about their son’s disappearance in that run, even though we also know that Detective Williams is on this case, as well. Now, it makes sense that they’d have multiple people on this case, so that’s not a surprise. What is a surprise, though, is that the commissioner went to see the Dowds herself. Further, we know that the kids who have been getting into Urban Legends's chaos cult have been relatively high profile. Not necessarily famous, but of fairly good standing in Gotham’s economic system.

Now, I could be just missing some obscure panel in Robin Vol. 2, but if I remember correctly, we don’t know what the Dowds do. My headcanon, with all of this in mind, then, is that one or both of them is/are a local government official. Not necessarily crazy high up, but enough to be notable in the public eye—hence the intense expectations for Bernard, and, as I'll explain further in a moment, his distrust of the actual government.

Because my point in bringing this headcanon up is that I think this would affect how Bernard thinks about said actual government. He knows firsthand how the local government doesn’t actually have that much power, and how their power is vastly inflated by both citizens and fellow politicians alike. Which then causes another few questions: If the local government is like this, what is the state government like? The national government? Is the truth that they’re not actually as powerful as they seem, either? How much power does any known politician really have?

Especially since he knows that changes do happen, and legislature does get passed. But who passes it? How many hoops did it have to somehow survive? How could anything survive the process, unless it was set up to succeed from the beginning?

And that, in my humble opinion, is where he starts to get his ideas about a secret government operating beneath the one we know. It’s the government that actually gets things done, the one that actually holds all the cards. And it controls everything.

Including, of course, The Batman—their chess piece who can act outside of the set rules and regulations that known entities must abide by.

All of this is to say!

He isn’t necessarily wrong a lot of the time; at least not completely.

He’s simply looking for answers to make sense of the world around him, which, to be fair, in DC, is pretty outlandish itself, so I do rather understand how he’d reach some of the conclusions he’d reach.

And now that I’m way too many words in already, let’s actually answer your questions (so sorry omg)!

I’m gonna start with the third one first actually, because I think it’ll help answer the first two!

What are his limits of belief essentially in a world as weird as the DC universe?

The limits of his beliefs are fairly nebulous, because the nature of conspiracy theories is that they cannot be proven or disproven. They will always remain a possibility, because once they’re disproven, they become hoaxes, and once they’re proven, they become facts.

But if I had to assign hard limits, I’d say that the point at which he will no longer believe something is the moment that it becomes clear that the person who has made the theory is not doing so out of genuine belief. He is looking for answers, not “gotcha!”s or scams. As soon as he figures out that someone is just messing around, or is looking to gain baseless popularity, or wants to profit off of frightened or paranoid people, then he immediately checks out of a theory.

This is why he refuses to believe that Batman is Bruce Wayne, for instance. The theory, as I’ve seen in fandom, is mostly treated as a joke by those who suggest it, so he refuses to entertain that one, because it’s obviously just someone messing around, and, in his opinion, anyone who does earnestly believe that one is simply gullible.

But the idea of disposable orphans from a shadow government orphanage, each raised to be child soldiers, while far more unbelievable, is also a real, genuine attempt at explaining the oddities of the Batman and Robin situation, and while it sounds crazy on the surface, if one looks past the phrase “shadow government orphanage,” to the reasoning behind such a concept, then some things about it might start to make sense. How else would Batman keep finding kids that no one has ever seemed to have heard of, or that no one can recognize even when half of their faces are uncovered? How do they always seem to be described slightly differently with each account of someone who got an up-close look at them? How come no one could say how tall Robin is, or what color his or her eyes are? How is the most distinct thing about a Robin up to that point that this new one is a blonde girl? And how come she disappears so quickly after?

Everything he thinks he knows about Robin just seems to get confirmed the more he looks in on the situation.

It could be confirmation bias, but confirmation bias still has holes in it. Bernard can’t find holes in his explanations, yet—because they are conspiracies. Because they can’t be proven or disproven.

With this in mind, let’s move to the idea of time travel!

How do you think Bernard would react to knowing time travel is real?

Keeping it still in the lens of the Gotham heroes, since I think those are the ones he follows the most—it could explain how the Bat seems to be everywhere at once, and yet, nowhere at all. Where does he operate from? It could be from the future. It could be from the past. It could be from limbo.

This could also explain why the Robins never seem to age—that is, if his theory about them dying and being replaced all the time is wrong.

This leads me to conclude that Bernard is firmly on the “time travel is most likely real” team, with the caveat that he wants to find out more information before he says it’s “definitely real.”

As for clones...

Or clones?

That is a solid, 100% YES. He definitely believes clones are real. Because if the Robins aren’t orphans, then they’re most certainly clones (and, in fact, they could even be both). Even the blonde girl could be a clone—maybe her appearance is different, but clones don’t necessarily have to look the same, they just have to share a majority of their DNA structures. The people who did the cloning could have been curious to try something new. To alter the DNA strings a little. To see if they could create a less easily killable Robin.

In fact, to get outside of Gotham for a bit: I would go as far as to say that I think Bernard seems like the type to believe that Kid Flash is a clone of The Flash. After all, they seem remarkably similar, so perhaps Kid Flash is a failsafe for if The Flash ever dies.

And furthering that—the blonde Kryptonian woman? Could be a clone of Superman, who went through the same process as the blonde girl Robin.

Because here’s the thing: we as readers know that he’s wrong in the above assumptions. But he also… isn’t. He’s wrong about who the clones are, but he’s entirely correct about there being Kyrptonian and speedster clones. And that’s the crux of how I play Bernard’s conspiracy theorizing. He isn’t wrong, but he isn’t right. He can’t be proven or disproven (at least, not unless a certain someone in his life ever tells him the truth about his involvement in Robin, and then corrects his theories with the actual facts).

So, there we go! These are my thoughts on Bernard's conspiracies! I hope some of this made sense! I apologize for the heinously long answer to your questions, but I also hope that it was at least an entertaining heinously long answer! :D

#[i have so many thoughts about blorbos all the time omg]#[thank you for letting me exorcise some of them onto the internet sldjfklsj]#{you wear designer shades just to hide your face}#{answered asks}#{mun answers}#{headcanons}#{musings}#[to anyone who read this whole thing: 1. thank you omg? 2. if you wanna know more/holler with me my asks and dms are open]#[this is a fun topic so please feel free to hmu anytime]

6 notes · View notes

austinbaker94 · 4 years

Note

Answer All the NSFW questions

Ask me these probing NSFW questions ‘cuz I’m bored

SEXYTIMES EXPERIENCES

1. How many people have you had sex with?

Just 5

2. Can you remember the names of everyone you’ve slept with?

Nope, to be fair i never did get one of the names

3. With whom did you first do the sexytimes? Was it good?

With an ex boyfriend who was at least 7 years older then me, and it was okay. The anti depressants I was on made me pretty numb.

4. What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?

Honestly I’m not sure, there really isn’t a time that was the best just parts of different times that were really good. Like the time a guy ate me out for like a half hour before we went at it.

5. What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?

The last time an ex and I had sex was the absolute worst, I was hungover as fuck, and there was defiantly a lot of blood. I’ll just leave it at that.

6. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex?

In the middle of my high school football field.

7. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve masturbated?

Parking-lot of the college I was going to in between classes.

8. Have you ever been caught doing the sexytimes?

I don’t think so, there were defiantly times that were supper close though.

9. If you masturbate, when did you start, and how?

I was way too young, and I really don’t remember.

10. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

No, thank god!

LET’S GET PHYSICAL

25. Describe your nipples in too much detail.

lol, smaller kind of pinkish, a little bit of hair around them. Sensitive, they're nipples how much detail can I really give

28. (Penis-owners) Describe the size and shape of your penis. Are you happy with it?

Oh god , It’s okay. It sticks straight out, Id say it was average size, Maybe 7.5″ idk I have checked in a long time, decent girth, not too big.

29. (Penis-owners) Have you tasted your own cum? Did you like it?

Yes, and it honestly tasted like nothing

SEXUAL FANTASY LAND

31. Describe your most unusual/taboo fantasy.

oh man, I really don’t think this is too taboo/unusual but I’d love have a guy ride me while another guy sat on my face and let me eat him out. So basically a three way lol

32. Do you fantasise more about real situations, or imaginary/impossible ones?

More real, the impossible stuff/imaginary stuff just doesn’t really do anything for me.

33. Who’s the oddest person you’ve fantasised about?

There’s defiantly hot older guys out there that were probably someones grandpa but no one really specific.

34. Do you ever find yourself fantasising absent-mindedly, or is it something you do on purpose?

Usually absent-mindedly. I see a hot guy and my brain just goes for it lol.

35. Do you always fantasise while you masturbate?

Yes? pretty sure it’s a must

36. When you fantasise, does it usually lead to masturbation?

No, most of the time I’m in a place or situation where that isn’t possible.

37. Have you ever had sex with someone while fantasising about someone else?

No, I don’t think so. Sometimes My mind will wonder off and i zone out bad.

38. Do you have any celebrity crushes that you fantasise about?

Do pron stars count? lol

39. Have you ever fantasised about something by accident, and felt weird about it after?

Yes, some of my friends have hot dads and honestly that can lead to things feeling awkward.

40. Describe your most sexy fantasy.

I’ll just refer you back to 31

KINKTOWN USA

41. How do you feel about BDSM?

I’ve never tired it but some of it looks like fun.

42. What’s your most unusual kink?

I don’t think i have one :/

43. In an SM context, do you prefer giving pain, or receiving it?

Neither (?) I mean a good smack on the ass is nice but like idk if i want it to hurt more then that.

44. Do you consider yourself to be dominant, submissive, both, or neither?

I’d say submissive, just tell what to do.

45. Describe your most recent bondage experience.

I don’t have one :(

46. In a BDSM context, have you ever referred to anyone as “daddy,” “mommy,” or any similar term?

Nope

47. Do you have a kink for any bodily fluids (pee, saliva, blood, tears, cum, etc.)?

Big no, like cum is kind of a given but the rest of it you can keep to yourself

48. Have you ever revealed a kink to someone and had them react negatively?

Nope

49. Do you have any kinks that you’re ashamed of?

Also no

50. How much money have you spent on equipment for your kinks (toys, whips, chains, etc.)?

I have spent plenty on dildos and cock rings but I couldn’t begin to remember how much it all was.

COME FOR THE QUESTIONS, STAY FOR THE SUBHEADINGS

52. Have you ever come solely from penetration (anal or vaginal)?

Only once and it was the best!

53. Can you have an orgasm without your genitals being touched?

No, wish I could though

54. Describe how you like your genitals to be touched.

Can I say firmly grasp it ?

55. How sensitive are your nipples? Does nipple play turn you on?

Enough that I enjoy nipple play

56. Do you find it easier to orgasm with another person, or through masturbation?

Defiantly masturbation

57. Have you ever had an orgasm that you weren’t expecting?

No but that kinda sounds amazing

58. Do you get off easier from rough contact, or gentle?

Both to be fair

59. What’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had?

i was by myself using a vibrator in my ass and a fleshlight between that and the edging I was doing I’m shocked I didn’t explode

60. Did it take you a while to have your first orgasm, or were you an early starter?

Early starter, I think I was 14 when I really finally had an orgasm

ORAL FIXATION

61. Do you enjoy giving oral sex? Why?

Yes and no, i get to worried I’m doing a bad job, but if a guy wants to face fuck me I’m all for it.

62. What’s your favourite position in which to receive oral?

I really don’t think i have one

63. Describe your oral sex technique.

Lots of tongue, and don’t be afraid to use your hands

64. Do you find it easier to give oral to someone with the same genital configuration as you (eg., you both own vaginas/both own penises), or different?

I’d say the same but I have experienced anything else

65. Describe the worst oral sex you’ve ever received.

I don’t think I’ve hand any bad enough to remember

66. Describe the best oral sex you’ve ever received.

My hands were tied behind my back and I was standing leaning against my dresser and he was just going for it while teasing me

67. Do you ever simulate oral sex while masturbating (sucking on dildos etc.)?

I’ve tried a couple of times but I get distracted if I do that

68. How sensitive is your mouth? Is it an erogenous zone, for you?

I don’t think it is but idk how i’d know that

69. Do you like 69ing?

Yes but we have to laying on our sides not on top one another, i need to freedom laying on your side gives you

70. Can you deep-throat?

I’d like to think so, idk if I’ve sucked anything big enough to go to far down though

EVERYTHING BUTT

71. Do you like it in the butt?

Absolutely!

72. What’s the strangest object you’ve had in your butt?

i made an Ice dildo once so id say that

73. Do you enjoy being rimmed?

OH MY GOD YES!!

74. Can you take a lot in your butt, or just a little?

My biggest is an 11″ dildo (its not super thick) so you tell me

75. Describe your most recent experience with buttsex.

I don’t think I’ve had sex in 2020 yet so there is no recent

76. Do you like doing stuff to other people’s butts?

Sure if they’ll let me

77. (Prostate-owners) Have you ever received a prostate massage?

No, but it sounds amazing!

78. Do you own any buttplugs?

I don’t, thought about getting some though

79. Have you ever had an embarrassing buttsex experience?

No, I’m way to paranoid that something embarrassing is going to happen, so i make I am perfectly clean

80. Have you ever pegged someone (ie., worn a strapon and fucked them in the butt)?

I haven’t but I don’t think I’d need to

SHARING IS CARING

All questions assume you’ve done group sex of some kind

81-90 are all a no lol I’ve never been with more then one person at a time

**BONUS DARES**

91. Post a selfie. 92. Post a naked selfie.

I’ll reblog with one

There is 100 but these were all the ones that were actually NSFW

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