#look at that improvement tho goddamn

[anarchosocialisthalflings]

okay so im finally catching up on all the d20 i missed why dud no one tell me starstruck odyssey was the best season they’ve ever done?!

[mybrainproblems]

the past week or so i've just kinda been like. spn fandom has quieted down after two years; i will air some of my less popular opinions... and then i'm finding that there are tiny wee pockets of ppl who will at least drop a like on a post about how Actually The Confession Isn't That Great

it's all felt very healing

[greenflavoredcyanide]

I Guess Blood is kind of Hot

Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories:

Gen, Other

Fandom:

Boyfriend to Death (Visual Novels)

Relationships:

Strade (BTD/TNR)/Reader

Additional Tags:

Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Canon-Typical Violence, Nosebleed, Gore, only a little tho, Blood Kink, Sadism, Light Masochism, Kissing, Rough Kissing, Rough Body Play, No Sex, womp womp, Light Bondage

First time posting a fic here! Let me know how I can improve :3

It was a normal afternoon. As normal as an afternoon in this goddamn house could be. You don’t know how long you’ve been here, been kept here, but you’ve gotten used to the “norm” here. On Saturday afternoons, Strade usually had the living room reserved for his shows. He would sit on the couch with a few beers and watch whatever he wanted, it was his tv time. You were allowed to sit with him if you wanted to, but to be quite honest; you didn’t really want to. Not only were the shows he watched boring, but you didn’t really want to be seated next to… him… Even though you got as comfortable as you could get with Strade, he was still your captor. He was still dangerous, mean, and sadistic. He’s still the same man that has shoved blades deep into your skin, slashed you open, used power tools on you, etc… sure, right now he’s not doing any of that, he actually is behaving really normal right now, but you can’t just forget all of that.

You had your own room at this point anyway; it was small but comfortable. You spent most of your free time there. Either that, or in Ren’s room. You really liked Ren’s room, it’s colourful and comfy. He didn’t mind you being in there as long as you didn’t disturb him while he was watching stuff. You didn’t really care for any of the animes he watched, but you would occasionally watch with him when you were really bored. One thing that Ren had that you didn’t was a laptop. Strade doesn’t trust you enough yet to give you your own, you still had to earn that privilege. However, a privilege you did earn was having books and art supplies. You expressed to Strade some of your interests one day after he was done with work. You didn’t really expect him to do anything with that information, but to your surprise he came home with a sketchbook, a notebook, pencils, pens, and some graphic novels. These were your only other sources of entertainment. 

You were sitting on your bed, sketchbook open. Doodling some random characters onto the pages, when a feeling of unease washed over you. You felt like something bad was about to happen, you usually do. Maybe it was intuition, maybe it was gut feeling, but you were usually right. You paused your doodling and listened for the TV. It still seemed to be running a program, which means Strade was still occupied. You tried to brush off the feeling, getting back to drawing a character’s hair. With the free time you had, you often spent it making up fictional characters. Some were antagonists, some were protagonists, and some were in between. You had a lot of fun with them, making up silly stories to distract you from the hell you were living in at the moment. You were lost in thought about what personality to give this new one, when your door slams open. 

You jumped in your spot, yelping and spinning around on your bed to face the door. Your heart dropped as you examined the intruder; it was Strade. You gulped as you stared at him, looking over his body language. He was tense, hand still resting on the door handle as he stood in the frame. His chest was heaving, eyebrows furrowed, as if he just ran up all the stairs as fast as he could. To anyone else, he would look just plain ol’ frustrated, but you knew what that look in his eye meant; he was sexually frustrated. You felt worry build up in the pit of your stomach, worry for your safety. He came into your room, which means he wants you to help him, which usually does not go well for you. At all. 

“Get up, we’re going to the basement.” he announced, staring you down with hungry eyes. You paused your movements for a moment, evaluating your options. You really didn’t want to go down there. You know he hasn’t had any new play things in a while, so he’ll probably go really hard with whatever fucked up plan he had. Your injuries had just started to heal up, you didn’t want them to get replaced so fast… after you failed to move to the door, he spoke up again. “Don’t make me drag you.” you squeeked in response, immediately getting up from your spot. You didn’t want him to get the remote out, or pull you down by your hair again. You hovered close behind him as he led the way down, glancing over at Ren with begging eyes as you walked past him. You both knew what was going to happen, and Ren would rather it be you than him; which is fair, since you’d rather it be him than yourself.

After finally making it to the basement, you hesitantly stood in behind Strade. Usually you’d already be tied down or restricted in some way, but right now you weren’t restrained by anything besides the collar. He stood at the workstation, hovering over a few tools, probably trying to pick which one to use today. You gulped as he finally turned around with rope in his hand. You felt an urge to run hit you, realisation smacking you across the face. You knew this was going to happen, yet you walked right on down here! What were you thinking! You could feel your knees buckle as he approached you. “N-no- wait!” you pleaded as he grabbed you by the hair and shoved you to the ground. “It’ll be quick~” he coos as he ties your hands together behind your back. 

You attempted to struggle just a little bit, but he tied them really tight. The friction around your wrists reminded you of the first day you arrived here. You shake the memories out of your head, you’d rather not think about it right now. Before you could even really start to think of something new, Strade threw you down onto your back, your head colliding with the pavement. You groan out in pain at the contact, a ringing starting up in your ears as he pulled your legs and hips towards himself. Swiftly, he pulled out his favourite hunting knife from his back pocket and held it up to your thigh. You couldn’t stop yourself from shrieking in pain as he pushed the blade down into your skin, leaving a deep gnash on your upper thigh. You were surprised at how quickly he got into it. Usually he took it slow, he liked the build up of fear in your eyes as he taunts you; he must be really desperate right now. 

Before you could register it, he sliced again, this time lower. He continued to slash at your soft flesh three more times, huffing and getting off to your whimpers and pained noises. You expected him to do more, maybe cut your stomach or chest while he’s at it, but instead he tosses your legs to the sides and stands up. You look up at him through teary eyes, confused. I mean, sure, you were grateful he stopped so early but why? Why was he done? There’s no way that’s all- you were pulled out of thought as he yanked you up by your hair, earning a raw cry of pain from you. You just barely managed to get onto your knees when you felt a blow to your stomach. Falling backward again, you heaved, gasping for air. You didn’t even catch your breath before Strade sent his booted foot into the side of your abdomen, sending you barreling across the floor. Wheezing at the impact, you coughed harshly, a copper taste filling your mouth. Your vision was blurry with tears as you rolled over pathetically, trying to stabilise yourself. 

Over the ringing in your ears you could hear Strade laughing. Though, it wasn’t his usual sadistic laugh, it was more breathy; more desperate. You gasped for air as he tugged up your face by your hair once again. “You’d look so lovely with a beaten face, don’t you think?” he chuckled into your ear from behind. His breath was hot against your neck as he moved over your body, positioning himself to straddle your back. He pushed down on it as he held your head tight, causing you to arche in an incredibly uncomfortable way. Desperately, you tried to move your arms only to be greeted with the harsh friction of rope. You wanted to start begging, but before you could he shoved your face down into the cement. Really hard. You heard a crack as pain engulfed the entirety of your face, blood streaming down from your forehead and nose down to your mouth and chin. 

He lifted your head back up before quickly slamming it back down again. You couldn’t stop the noises from leaving your mouth, noises of agony. Your voice cracked as you let out a hoarse, loud cry. It gurgled in your throat as you heaved, trying to catch your breath. Strade was laughing again, this time it was his usual demeaning laugh, full of sadism and enjoyment. You could feel him get off of you, letting go of your head briefly so he could move around to your front. Once again grabbing your face, he examined his work. Your face was covered in blood; the skin in between your eyebrows was torn and broken, letting a generous amount of blood drip down. But that wasn’t what caught his attention, no, it was your nose.

It was obviously broken in multiple places, mangled and crushed. Blood streamed out of it like a waterfall, coating your lips and chin, dripping down your neck. Strade couldn’t help the tent growing in his pants at the sight, it was beautiful. The mixture of tears, blood, and spit gathering and your face alone was enough to get his blood own pumping; his face burning red. You stared at him with pleading, glossy eyes, you hoped this is what he wanted. You didn’t want anymore, you were out of energy. Your breathing was heavy as you were recovering from being winded, but his was heavy because he was excited. He couldn’t contain himself, this was so hot to him. He bunched up your shirt in his fist and pulled you in, slamming his lips into yours.

You were caught off guard, a muffled moan escaping you as he smashed his face into yours, he grinded against your leg as he moved his mouth with yours. You wanted to push him away, but your hands were bound together, rope burn making the skin raw and ache in pain. A combination of both your salivas along with your blood mixing in his mouth really got him going. To him, it was a complete bliss; this is exactly what he wanted; what he needed. But to you, it was too much. There were so many sensations happening at once, you were getting over stimulated. You wanted to focus on the kiss, but your attention kept getting grabbed by both the pain of your open cuts and by the throbbing agony on your face. You could feel Strade through his pants as he grinded into you, he loved this; thrived off of this. 

He pulled away, the both of you gasping for air. Still holding your head in his hands, he licked his lips, getting your blood off of them. He huffed, staring down at your still bleeding face with lust. Your eyelids fluttered, giving him unintentional bedroom eyes. Strade laughed again before pulling your face closer to his. You were expecting another rough kiss, but instead you were met with his tongue running along your lips. He then licked up your blood, smacking his lips as he lapped it up from your chin down to your neck. He moaned into the base of your neck, his face now covered in your blood. You couldn’t think, your mind clouded with too many thoughts and feelings. 

With the combination of Strade licking and sucking at your neck and his rough grinding, you could feel yourself get increasingly more aroused. Even though you were in extreme pain and discomfort, a part of you liked it. You liked the attention he gave you, how you made him feel so much just by simply bleeding. A fucked up part of you wanted to keep bleeding for him, to keep him on you like this. You were pulled back into your senses as the warmth of his mouth lifted from your skin. You let out a soft whine at the loss of contact, to which he chuckled. “Enjoying yourself too?” he mocked. You couldn’t stop yourself from nodding, pleading for him to continue. He hummed in amusement, running his tongue over his lips to collect any remaining blood. 

“I’ll humour you, since you were so good for me~”

[t0ast-ghost]

S2 episode 20 (Return To Tomorrow) is what I wish I could do because currently it’s finals.

Onward:

- God, that you? Nope just Sargon

- Ghosts?!?!!

- “Your probes have touched me, Mr. Spock.” WHAT. that’s crazy. 

- Sargon knows Kirk, Spock, and McCoy have to go together

- “You could materialize inside solid rock.” Say what now

- And they got beamed down without the security

- Spock is pondering the orb. They’re all pondering the orb

- The orb is giving me a headache (Don’t show this to people who have sensitivity to flashing lights!)

- Is Jim getting possessed????

- Doctor McCoy with a gun

- “Your captain has an excellent body, Dr. McCoy. I compliment you both on the condition in which you maintained it.” Sargon what the fuck.

- Damn he doesn’t want McCoy possessed :(

- I can tell that they brought in Doctor Mulhall so that Sargon’s lover can have a female body but like… imagine if Thalassa went into Spock’s body

- Oh my god he’s sweating so much goddamn

- Both doctors advising against it is a pretty good sign.

- The cut to Scotty saying, “You’re going to what?! Are they alright in the head doctor?” With McCoy’s reply of, “No comment.” Is genius

- Fuckkk, “Bones, you could stop all this by saying no.” Dude don’t do that to him

- “I want one concrete reason why!” “Well they used to say if man could fly he’d have wings.” Jim, shut the fuck up. What kind of answer is that

- “Because Dr. McCoy is right.” Yeah he fucking is

- They’ve really zoomed in on Kirk’s face

- McCoy has given into peer pressure

- As soon as it’s not Spock in there he gets to smile. He’s so pretty :))

- McCoy has to watch his boyfriends possessed bodies flirt with women

- “I’m surprised the Vulcans never conquered your race.” “The Vulcans worship peace above all, Henoch.” McCoy isn’t taking this bullshit

- Henoch is a bitch! Chapel would bite him if she could

- Why’d he just appear in the doorway like this

- Jim is NOT dead, McCoy :( Can’t be.

- “Do I list one death or two?” That’s your question?!?

- McCoy is not pleased with Henoch and Thalassa’s plans

- Bones just wants his boyfriends back. Stop making him make decisions

- McCoy would defy god. He has. He will again.

- LMAO SARGON’S BACK

- McCoy’s hair is so nice in this episode

- “Jim? Are you alright?” “Yes, I’m fine, but…” this moment would have been greatly improved if McCoy kissed him on the mouth. Or gave him a hug, I’m not too picky.

- SHIT WHERE’S SPOCK

- WHAT WAS THAT SCREAM UHURA?!?

- Henoch gave Kirk period pain

- Say what you will, he’s slaying

- DAMN GET HIS ASS CHAPEL!

- McCoy looks so devastated. He didn’t want Spock to die.

- I love Leonard Nimoy’s acting!

- “We shared consciousness together.” Aww that’s cute

- “It was beautiful.” Chapel looks over to Spock. Sorry he’s taken. I respect the grind tho.

So so sleepy. So sleepy. Good night to all of you wonderful people… on the next one.

Masterpost

Episode written by John Kingsbridge

[t-lostinworlds]

500 miles of fluff: peter + "this movie is really scary, but you're into it so i'm trying not to cover my face the whole time, but-what is that?" and "i mean... i-i'm cool with sharing the bed if you are"

-cutetomholland (ignore this if you get a lot of requests!!)

A/N: i couldn't stop laughing while writing this help. peter's the scaredy cat in this one. a mood. bc this is basically how i am with horror movies lmao. hope you like this @cutetomholland <3 also consider this my valentine's gift to everyone! (even tho there's nothing valentine-esque about this 😭)

peter parker x avenger!fem!reader | wc: 1.2k | best friends to lovers | prompts in bold!

You and Peter had the whole compound to yourselves.

He was yet to decide if that was a good or a bad thing.

Not when you two were in the cinema room taking absolute advantage of the new screen Tony bought that took up the whole wall along with the modified 3D glasses he helped tweak himself to make it more realistic and featherlight like you weren't wearing anything at all.

It was a great upgrade.

If only it wasn't a horror movie you were watching.

Peter's body jolted when a shadow crossed the screen.

"You okay?"

"Y-Yeah, yeah, I am perfectly fine."

"You look like you've just seen a ghost," you joked as if the main character in the movie wasn't being hunted by a ghost at this very moment.

"Ha. Funny." He rolled his eyes, pressing his tongue against his cheek to stop his smile at the sweet sound of your laugh.

He flinched when the house lights in the movie flickered.

"Peter, we can stop the movie if you want," you said, sincerity coating your tone. "If it's too scary for you, we can turn it off. I don't mind."

Shaking his head, he shot you a smile. "This movie is really scary, but you're into it so I'm trying not to cover my face the whole time, but—WHAT IS THAT?!"

Peter's eyes widened when he saw something crawling toward him, a distorted body of a girl, dark, long hair, eyes white, veiny, mangled face.

Then, it lunged, Peter shrieking at the top of his lungs as he jumped away from it, heart pounding, lungs heaving as he pressed his burning forehead against the cool concrete.

He only realized how far he'd leaped when he heard your laughter, right below him.

Peter was on the goddamn ceiling.

"Glad to know you're leaving me to fend for myself if some ghost attacks us," you snorted, head on the back of the couch to meet his eyes. "I didn't even know you could jump that high."

"Stupid 3D glasses," he grumbled, truly regretting his improvement on it. He glanced at the screen, yelping as he screwed his eyes shut. "Y/N! Don't fucking pause it there!"

"Oh shit! Sorry! I'm—" You burst out laughing, rolling onto the floor with a soft thud before you clicked back to the Netflix menu screen.

Peter glared as you clutched your stomach, throwing the glasses at you.

You only laughed harder.

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

Yeah, he truly didn't.

It was quite the opposite if he was honest.

"Come back down," you said in heaps of giggles, sitting back on the couch and tapping the cushion. "Let's watch the new Puss in Boots movie, get your mind off it."

•••

Sometime in the middle of the night, hours after you'd already bid your good nights and went to your separate rooms, a storm graced New York.

He was hoping it'd help cool the grueling heat. 

Peter was sweating.

It definitely wasn't because he'd been lying still on his back with the blankets pulled up to his chin, making sure his feet weren't out the duvet let alone hanging on the edge of the bed.

He flinched at the sudden crack of thunder.

He swallowed as his eyes darted around the room, the lamp on his bedside warming the walls.

Shit.

Now he was really thirsty.

"Oh my God," he groaned, throwing the blankets off him, shivering at the cold, conditioned air. "You're fucking Spider-Man, an Avenger. You've fought aliens. You can deal with a fucking ghost."

That was his mantra as he ventured out of his room and into the kitchen, over and over as he pulled out a glass from the cupboard, filled it with water, drank it empty, refilled. He said it repeatedly as he made his way back to his room.

But then he saw it.

A shadow moving on the wall.

There was a flash of lightning, his eyes widening as his blood ran cold.

Four limbs, twitching and convulsing as its body crawled down the stairs.

Thunder boomed.

Peter fucking ran.

High-pitched screams echoed through the compound, ones he didn't even know his vocal cords could ever achieve as he bolted down the halls toward the opposite direction.

Then he bumped into something, a body.

Peter fell on his ass with the most lady-like screech as he backed away from—

"Jesus Christ, Peter! It's me!"

He blinked, only for a second before he scrambled to his feet. You squeaked when he all but threw you on his shoulder, arms around you securely and ran toward the elevator.

"What the fuck are you doing!"

"Something's crawling down the stairs! She's coming to get us! We should leave!"

"Peter, STOP!" your voice boomed, stunning him enough for you to wiggle out of his hold and get your feet on the ground. You hastily cupped his face, exhaling deeply, "Breathe."

"B-But—"

"Nothing's coming to get us," you reassured, a soft smile on your lips. "FRIDAY, turn on all the lights, please."

"Yes, miss, Y/N."

Peter squinted at the sudden brightness, barely making out the slight tug on his arm as you interlaced your fingers together.

"Come on."

"I-I don't think it's a good idea to go back there."

"I'm sure it's nothing," you said, squeezing his hand. "You trust me, right?"

He did.

Frankly, he'd probably follow you anywhere even if it led to his death—most likely strangled by a ghost.

"See?" you hummed once you reached the stairs, squeezing his hand and gesturing towards the vacuum with four mechanical arms attached to it. "It's just a hoover."

"Who the fuck thought giving that thing tentacles was a good idea?"

"Easier for it to go down the stairs. Come on."

Peter didn't question where you were taking him next, but then all of a sudden he was standing in your room, brows furrowed as he watched you settle on the bed.

"Hey," you called, patting the space next to you. "Come here."

"B-Beside you?"

"I mean…I-I'm cool with sharing the bed if you are," you said, smiling shyly.

With heated cheeks, Peter climbed onto your twin-size bed, leaving enough space in between as he lay still, flat on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"That was so embarrassing," he grumbled, rubbing a palm over his warm face.

"Nothing to be embarrassed about. Horror movies just aren't for everyone and that's okay."

He turned to you. "You don't think I'm a coward?"

"Absolutely not," you said without hesitation, laying on your side to fully face him. "You're one of the bravest men I know, Pete."

"Except with creepy-looking ghosts."

"Yeah, except that," you giggled. "Go to sleep."

He sighed, smiling sadly. "I can't. It's stuck in my head."

You hummed, shuffling closer, the tip of your nose nudging his.

Peter held his breath, letting it out as a low hum when his lips met yours.

At last.

Fingers in his hair, your sweet sighs tickling his cheek, a taste of mint mixed with the taste of you was all that ran through his mind, rendering him dizzy, breathless.

"Does that help?" you whispered after a moment, thumb caressing his cheek tenderly.

Peter smiled. "Only when it includes cuddles."

You laughed, opening your arms wide, and he didn't even hesitate as he snuggled into them, cheek against your chest, your steady heartbeat and the warmth of your skin lulling him to sleep.

"Good night, Peter."

Who would've thought his cowardness when it came to horror films would finally get him the girl of his dreams?

⤷ still accepting asks & requests! come join and frolic with me!

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[dollfaced-erin]

the jing yuan x dan jia x yanqing found family is everything to me

help stop this is so cute, I CAN SEE IT.

jing yuan had always been a silent man. yes he's always lazy and slacking off, but who knew just how much trouble was stirring inside of him ? bro even had to forget snowmoon because of the grief he felt when she died after the abundance wars ;;-;; he suffered so much from the wrongs of his friends, leaving him alone to bear the weight of everything and bro has so much self-restraint to never go bonkers or let mara engulf his poor soul ?!?! bro even had to take up all the shame and humility his friends caused and clean up after their messes like bro IS A GODDAMN WALKING GREEN FLAG ? not to mention he is the damn general of the LUOFU ITSELF HELP-

dan jia / (Y/n) is in a similar boat. she was literally imprisoned by the perceptors because she was a luofu high elder with her brother. she was basically cooped up, told this and that, thrown duties onto her she never complained about because she a true kween. then she was literally used as sacrifice for a ritual (not a cult, i promise), before being put into sleep forcefully because of her powers being sucked out involuntarily while she was still using them (hell naur) not to mention waking up and having to deal with all this shizz again help poor homegirl needs her rest for once AND PEACEFUL ONE TOO.

yanqing...not only did his dad go get milk, HIS MOM DID TOO AND JUST...ABANDONED THE POOR BABY ?! bro this child ? i would adopt him. jing yuan mustve had trouble trying to control this boy, but i know that deep down yanqing just wants to be stronger and improve day after day to help jing yuan. like he cant help but his dad is like so stress AND FOR WHTA ?! HIS HAIR IS ALREADY WHITE (jokes) bro is trying so hard to be the next swordsmaster even tho it's so looked down upon, but bby really just wants to prove that he is capable enuf to help jing yuan is all !

them three being together is like...the most wholesome thing ever. jing yuan has remnants of his happy days with (y/n) even tho she isnt dan jia anymore, she accepts that, but at the same time it's no longer her since times have changed and so did she.

(y/n) on the other hand accepts the peaceful like that yanqing brings her, a light in the darkness that guides her through her more stressful days with reminding her days of what it was like when she and jing yuan were young (mother father ? pls adopt me too).

yanqing is happy, though he doesnt have his biological parents, he has jing yuan who he sees as a father figure (seeing that the general raised him, just hope he is a better version that his hi3 self, help) and though he had just met (y/n) while she was awake and vice versa, he seems to be able to click with her and seems to be quite protective of her.

hoping that one day he'll actually call her mom to see her reaction. i bet jing yuan would SOB.

[yhwcomeback]

Heyy i really like drawings 😭 its just too awesome i wanna just eat it >:), and i just wanted to show u that u have DRAMATICALLY improved in a short span of time like, this good?! For like 3 years?? I really admired and followed u for like a year (not on this acc tho cuz privacy stuff 👹) and you have literally a so goddamn unique artsyle im jealouss like the coloring??? The lines???

I hope you don't give up on art please 😔 ill be crying if u quit 😭😭 if theres some hater out there just remember that u still have all ur other fans around the world (im literally on the other side of the world from brazil) and i WILL AND STILL LOVE UR ART <3333, hope ya dont give up and achieve ur dreams like u wanted.

And i send this message just to let u know that YOU MATTER AND DONT SAY UR ART SUCKS IS FUCKING BEAUTIFULLL <333 i love it sm, even ur first post 😭😭😭. Just remember COMPARE URSELF FROM YESTERDAY NOT OTHER PPL(cuz artists sometimes hate their art n stuff) u will always be my fav artist on this platform and i hope u have such a good day <3

-secret admirer

THIS IS LITERALLY SO SWEET! THANK YOU RANDOM PERSON! It's funny because I was looking at my old art yesteday (I have this huge folder with all of them in it lol) And I'm so happy with where I am with my art. Before I made this account I was really struggling because I was trying SO hard to get my art seen and drawing things I didn't like for the sake of it and that made me lose all my motivation to draw, but then I made this account just to post about my interests, ended up meeting some really cool people, and I kept going, took a few breaks here and there but I'm happy to say I don't force myself to draw things I don't like anymore, that genuinely every single thing I post on this account is something I am passionate about. Thank you for the kind words it really made my day! I'm glad to know people enjoy my drawings just as much as I enjoy making them❤🤍❤

[machiroads]

anirevo 2024 con report belooooooow

THURSDAY NIGHT, AUGUST 8TH

Left my office at 4:30. Took the bus to the ferry straight from work except the GODDAMN BUS DIDN'T ACTUALLY STOP TO PICK ME UP so I had to wait for the next one and missed the 6:00 ferry so I didn't get to my hotel in Vancouver until after 10pm oof

The slow bus was very nice once i got over being mad about the fast bus leaving me on read by way of listening to linkin park. It goes through some very quaint rural areas.

I purchased a can of wine on the ferry which was like $15 for 8.5oz. I don't know how I feel about this but I do feel like I got ripped off because the wine was only ok

I edited and posted ch2 of WTBL&W entirely on my phone which may or may not have been a mistake. Getting the html formatting right wasn't too bad, but editing the splash image for twitter and bsky on photopea was uhhhhhhhhh a mistake. FAFO

FRIDAY AUGUST 9TH

My hotel had one of those fancy toto washlets so you bet your ass my butt was squeaky clean all weekend

My hotel also had a room service menu that had a bowl of oatmeal for $14 as an offering. Which. No.

I got an actual breakfast at a tiny hole in the wall crepe place staffed by a single old man, then trundled over to the con to pick up my badge at like 10ish. I was in line behind a cute couple in horimiya cosplay

The first panel I actually wanted to see wasn't until like 12 so I sat on the seawalk, finished my coffee, watched floatplanes, and replied to AO3 comments. 11/10 banger morning.

I watched an improv comedy D&D skit, which was fun, then traipsed down to the exhibition hall to do Some Shopping

MERCH REPORT: nobody really had heroaca stuff? Or if they did it was just the main kids. Still lots of people with HQ stuff, which I'm encouraged to see years after its ending. I'm happy with the pin selection this year tho, I picked up some nice stuff (but I think i will need to find additional capacity on my button collection because it's p much full oops)

BONUS COSPLAY REPORT: There also weren't really any heroaca cosplayers either, i saw like 1 shinsou, a couple bkgs, and a handful of people in nonspecific UA gym uniforms. Very strange. I did, however, see like 3 Nanamis within the span of 2 minutes on Saturday. (i don't even go here re jjk but he was the basic white boy cosplay of the year)

I spent like 2 hours in the exhibition hall and my brain hurt so I got poke for lunch, went back to the hotel to eat it, then took a nap

I went back for another couple panels on Friday night (a panel with vancouver VA graham hamilton, and another improv advice panel)

SATURDAY AUGUST 10TH

I went bra shopping on saturday morning because i accidentally overstuffed my backpack last week and zipped my bra into the zipper and tore the liner whilst trying to extract it. This is not relevant to the con, however it was an important part of my weekend

There wasn't anything I wanted to see at the con in the morning so I didn't get there until like 2:00 so I could line up for the cosplay contest. I'd never been to one before, and I don't really cosplay mself, but I've recently been watching some sarah spaceman videos, so I thought it would be fun to go see a contest for the first time.

On the schedule the contest is supposed to start at 2:30. There's like 6 down-and-backs of queueing space for people waiting to get in. When I got there around 2ish there were people milling about saying they'd cut the line. I loitered a bit longer until some admin looking folk went around telling people to disperse because queueing outside of the taped off area was a "fire hazard", and to come back at 3:00 when the event started. At this point, the line of people illicitly queued for this event wrapped probably halfway around the building, and the VCC is a Large Building.

I assume the delayed start time was probably due to pre-judging going long (thank u sarah spaceman for this education i now know how cosplay contests work), so i wasn't too fussy about that, but the fire hazard thing was a little silly to me because I'd been in the exhibition hall already which to me seemed like waaaaaay more of a fire hazard than a generally orderly line. Regardless. I bummed around on the seawalk for a bit and then went back just before 3 and managed to snag a seat. The contest itself ended up being really fun, and I'm glad i stuck around for it.

I went to another 3 panels on Saturday night, all 3 of which had similar queue capacity issues, and all 3 of which started late. Again, when the panels themselves started, they were all really fun, but logistically it seemed like they had some challenges. It does feel a bit silly to complain about though when I have literally nothing else to do that weekend tho haha

I attended the Philosophy of Science in FMA and Dr Stone (TIL epistemology is a word), a panel about adaptations that are superior to the source material, and...............yaoi bedtime stories. Which was a hoot.

SUNDAY AUGUST 11TH

Kind of a chill morning. Got some goodies at a bakery for breakfast / lunch / to bring home, checked out of the hotel, then trundled over to the con.

I went to a panel that was just a bunch of tables set up with colouring sheets and books and stuff and that was super what I needed. I coloured the eeveelutions from memory (and only forgot half of their colour schemes), and then there was a little time left so I also coloured in a cardcaptor sakura.

I thought about attending cosplay life drawing afterwards but ended up just heading home after colouring since I was kind of Done after a full weekend. There was another improv dragon ball tribute scheduled, but not until like 6:30pm and if I stuck around for that I wouldn't have gotten home today lol

No bus mishaps on the way home fortunately

ANYWAYS that's all folks thanks for reading about my dramatization of what was actually a pretty chill weekend.

[whilomm]

5 months post top surgery i have a lotta random Feelings about it. Overall, defo feel positive about it, but also random bits of hmm. Like, not negative feelings per se, just ya kno, the usual complicated mix that comes from big changes.

Sometimes i get random pangs of "aw i miss boobs a lil" like just when im sitting around the apartment and kinda missing the ability to grab a boob whenever. Which isnt unexpected at all, before the surgery i was straight up saying "gonna miss having built in stress balls". which, like. i could just buy some? maybe try and find someone else to let me have some tit time? still, in an ideal world i would have been a shapeshifter and i could have been boobless 95% of the time and then 5% of the time rock some knockers. unfortunately, im NOT a shapeshifter, so i decided to forgoe the 5% of the time i appreciated tits in order to not be fucking miserable the other 95% of the time. overall win, but still. wish i was a shapeshifter and i didnt have to make decisions and shit.

and i guess I haven't had that much gender euphoria from it, looking in the mirror its less "omg!!! yay!!! 🥰🥰🥰" and more just. "yep, that looks about right." like, i guess its just to where i kinda forget it, ya kno? i mean, i cant FORGET forget, everytime i take off my shirt im looking at how my scars are healing and pokin em and all that, but when im wearing a shirt im just not thinking about it.

which. major fucking improvement from before (constantly thinking about my chest and how uncomfortable i am and how much i hate wearing bras and how i just wanted them GONE) but maybe its sorta a "its harder to recognize the absence of dysphoria than the presence of euphoria" kinda thing. ive always had issues with emotional impermanence (if im sad ive always been sad if im happy ive always been happy), so since its not a huge euphoria thing i feel like its easy for me to forget just how much i hated it before. i look in the mirror, i try on shirts, i walk around and i forget that anythings different since it just feels correct, so when i have moments of thinking to myself "yeah this is pretty cool, idk if it was fully necessary tho" i have to actively remind myself how much i fucking hated it before.

one thing that is absolutely a 100% positive tho? fucking PHYSICAL COMFORT. god just not having to deal with goddamn H cups is a blessing in and of itself. no more bras, no more tits sliding outta place randomly at work while im doing boxes, no more boob sweat, no more underboob yeast infections, no more painful jiggling whenever i run, i can exercise without worrying about a sports bra (....theoretically. ILL START EXERCISING AGAIN EVENTUALLY I PROMMY), less back pain (less. not no. my backs still fucky lmao). its FUCKING FANTASTIC not having to worry about any of that. and shirts just fit better!!! who would have thought that massive fucking protrusions on my chest were making it harder to find clothes :0 (me i thought that)

TOP SURGERY RATING:

ability to touch boobs whenever i want: ⭐ u win some u lose some 😔

Gender Feelings: ⭐⭐⭐ yea p chill. no biggie but also might be Emotional Impermanence. just feels natural u kno?

comfort: ⭐🌟💫⭐🌠x10 million holy SHIT i was fucking DYING before.

OVERALL: yes 👍

[gaydelgard]

OK heres my real cons list for fae farm after like 25 hours

1. some of the quests and shit are REALLY esoteric and unclear. like early on the mayor asks you to make a decoration "with flowers". this is not elaborated on and theres no early acquisition recipes that actually involve flowers or even LOOK like they involve flowers. and like any potted plant item will work for the quest but i had to google that. its BAD. thats kinda the worst example but like when your barn gets unlocked they basically DO NOT TELL YOU. the appropriate entires are unlocked in your almanac and thats your only clue that new stuff unlocked. or the fact that you have to buy alternate wing styles from the wisp mother but it never tells you that you just have to go back to the wisp mother and notice theres an option to open her shop inventory. what in the goddamn!

2. ive encountered one bug thats impacting my gameplay, where the animals in my coop have stopped producing. apparently its fixable if you sell and buy new animals but its like is it just gonna happen again. pls patch soon

3. the shallow npcs havent really bothered me, i click thru a lot of the day-to-day greeting dialogue anyway and my imagination can do a lot of legwork in fleshing out dynamics, im not worried about it. but one thing that IS very weird is that one of the non marriage plot npcs is nhamashals cousin right so nhamashal talks about how they grew up together in one of his date scenes. he calls this character by name BUT in the friendship menu hes just 'the marquis' and no one ever calls him by name that ive seen except in one of nhamashals mid to late optional romance cutscenes. thats pretty wild!

and i mean i know its shallow as hell like i said but its still disappointing that even if youre engaged to nhamashal mathelion (the marquis) doesnt mention it at all lmao. and ive never seen him mention nhamashal either, his cousin he grew up with. sad!

thats just an example where even if basically nothing else changed abt the romance characters and the way that worked they could still improve on the worldbuilding and shit just by acknowledging it

and ppl have said it bfor i dont rlly need to but the way relationships are sorted into romantic or not romantic is definitely A Choice

it doesnt bother me so much personally but i understand why it would other people, and i definitely think it would be better if it wasnt like that

still really enjoying the game tho thise are just my critiques

[dogtiber]

journal update because I haven’t done one of those for a hot minute!!!

vet stuff: vet has Tiber back on a prescription diet following a lack full of improvement in his stools after his last tummy bug treatment.

he’s been on it for like a week and is already doing so much better tho! definitely happy even if getting the food is a pain in the ass and expensive. vet is trying to get us discounts for the food but there have been issues with getting that to go through, so that’s on hold for now much to the dismay of dadtiber’s wallet.

he’s been protesting the Sidewalk Snack Stopper. we did training to make sure he we comfy and happy with the muzzle but he has opinions lol. he’s happy to put it on and wear it around but I get pouty sits and dirty looks every time it actually prevents him from eating trash and poop.

he just sits down and makes the most affronted faces lol.

he’s also got a new lump we’re keeping an eye on this week, but vet thinks it’s benign and just some inflammation around a possible bruise. unfortunately she couldn’t prescribe the usual anti-inflammatory since last time Tiber had it, it made him sick. and she said he’s a bit young for her to want to put him on steroids. but he doesn’t seem to be in any pain, so just slower recovery time and monitoring for now.

she’s also got him trying a little natural anti-anxiety medication. tbh I’m a little frustrated at having to do the otc options first, since we’ve tried various sprays and calming treats already, but I get that she wants us to try all our options first before SSRIs. and she seems concerned also about introducing a new med to his system while we’re still sorting out the Tummy Troubles.

I am mostly just worried since we’re moving overseas spring of next year, and I think starting anxiety meds will really help with his home alone training, which will help in case we need to transport him via cargo.

I am starting the process of sorting out all his travel paperwork and vaxxes and also looking into options for cabin travel and boy oh boy are they expensive.

he’s just a tad heavier than where most airlines cut off for pets as carry ons, so having to look into either boutique airlines with higher weight limits or booking a private charter. which even if sharing costs with other people flying pets, is still gonna run north of 7k. 😭

the current boutique options are still in the thousands, and looking like I’m gonna have to do some road-tripping with him down to Europe and then fly from there to the states and then road-trip from NJ to wherever we end up on top of that.

and that’s IF we’re in the states lmao. dadtiber’s work might also put him in Japan (which he would love to get and is trying hard for) so we’re still going to be up in the air about where we’re moving for a while.

yay me for having to sort out several different moving contingencies for puppy lmao. it would be so much easier and affordable to send him via checked baggage or cargo, but god I know it would probably traumatize him. and we’d prefer to be able to choose to just pay the expense for the best option for *him* over us. but goddamn. 7-10k$ is. tough.

but I’ve got a year to work on it so fingers crossed either I find a more affordable option or can get his separation and confinement anxiety managed. (realistically trying to find a cheaper travel option is gonna be more feasible even if it’s near impossible let’s face it lmao Tiber is like 17 anxieties and a bad tummy in a dog-shaped trench coat :’))

but!!! time for fun update stuff!!!

he has been learning to bring the ball back reliably when we play fetch! I figured out finally that throwing the ball again was a better reward for him than treats, but I’m too slow to throw it again for him to make the connection that bring-to-me equals ball-goes-again-asap until I tried using two balls that I could throw immediately once he dropped it. such a simple solution lol but he finally got it! we’ve been having much more fun at the park now. I think he’s liking having the high energy activity, and I like that throwing a ball takes less energy out of me than longer walks.

he is learning to be a better snuggler! 🥰 finally figuring out how to cuddle up instead of sitting on you in the most inconvenient and uncomfortable ways. he does still come to sit on you though sometimes. his favorite way of comforting me if I seem tired or upset is still to put his butt on my head.

his recall has been improving lots too, and he’s consistently polite on the lead now too. still having trouble being *neutral* about other dogs, but he’s being much more polite now, and won’t run over without permission. very proud of him! it’s also kind of funny to watch the gears turn in his brain too. he will usually sit down like “mom I’m being so good and calm see sitting down very calm PLS PLS PLS can I go play with other dog now????? if I stay extra still and make good eye contact with you I can go play??”

reintroducing his crate is going nicely too. I haven’t worked up the bravery on my part yet to do more than just close the door and immediately reopen it on him, but he goes to hang out there frequently and happily now. so glad that at least he seems to feel consistently positive about it now.

it’s just been so nice watching him grow up into himself and spending lots of time hanging out with him and doing Tiber things. I’m loveb him so much. he is the silliest goose.

these last few weeks have been a bit rough since dadtiber and I have both been sick, so we’ve been exhausted by him. but even when we’re run ragged he really is just a good little companion. just the neatest little guy! in my home! licking my knees! dogs are great man. Tiber is best puppy.

[6ad6ro]

ok. i finally finished final fantasy vii rebirth. and i wanna talk about it. i guess you could call this my "review". this post will be vague and spoiler-free unless you click on the "read more".

i do love this game, but it's an absolute mixed bag: story: 10/10 combat mechanics: 9/10 music: 9/10 art direction: 10/10 voice acting (jp): 10/10 open world (non-quest stuff): 4/10 sidequests: 6/10 minigames: 3/10 pacing: 1/10 does this game have flaws? yes. is it as good as the og ff7? no. but is it worth playing? absolutely. i almost feel like this game needs a "cheat sheet" in order to know what parts to play and what parts to avoid. but the good parts (mostly the linear main story stuff) is SO gd good that it's still a must-play game. ok but now i'm gonna go into details (and spoilers) under the rm cut.

so i'll go over some of my scores. firstly, the story is the main reason to play this. they def fuck around a lot, maybe they bait and switch a bit too often, but in the end it makes for a very compelling (or at least interesting) narrative. at first, i was REALLY worried that this game was gonna turn into just some "fan pandering nightmare". and it felt like it was "ff7 without it's claws". esp when everybody was dancing like pop stars and aerith and tifa kept high fiving. but... it def got into that good ff7 trauma we know and love later on. and respect to them for following through with killing aerith. yes, they did what i sorta expected. they teased tifa dying instead, teased aerith NOT dying, and then killed aerith anyway. they EASILY could have left her alive, but they didn't. they kept in the loss angle, which imo is what makes ff7 "ff7". i kinda LOVE that now you have a batshit cloud "seeing" aerith's ghost like it's star wars. and everyone else seems almost... afraid of him. and rightfully so. also i LOVED the zack stuff, even though it was absolutely confusing. i like that they're hinting at zack somehow breaking through his reality into the rm universe. i also like the tease that... idk... will there be another "party" involving zack, kyrie, biggs (if he's still alive or not)? regardless, a great story!

the combat feels mostly improved over rm. the gameplay is fantastic with very few flaws. difficulty is way more balanced than rm, with easy feeling a bit harder and normal feeling less unfair. the only times i felt frustrated by the gameplay was when they laid the "stone" status effect on too thick in parts bc it felt cheap. is it as good as the og combat? no. it still def has the unfun "you desperately need to heal but don't have a charge and the enemy is immune to everything so you just die" thing. but credit where its due, the "free item a few times per battle" materia fixes a lotta those issues.

the music is incredible. the remakes of old songs generally kick ass. some of the new music was pretty good, too. though it gets a point off because a lot of the open world stuff music felt... generic? this is just a situation where the og game's music is TOO GOOD, so the new music will always be fighting this sort of uphill battle.

the art was perfect. just the shading alone... like jesus this game is absolutely beautiful. i took so many goddamn screenshots in game, and they'd often end up looking like key renders, even tho it'd just be a random ss i could take at any angle. this game went above and beyond all expectations.

the voice acting... there was SO MUCH and it was all SO GOOD. tho i did switch to jp voices. bc... in this sorta storytelling, eng just sounds like "drama club"? idk there's a reason the language of origin cast is usually better and that's just how it is. it was perfect.

ok now we're gonna get into some of my issues, starting with the open world. it's not ENTIRELY awful? some was genuinely fun and exciting. but the majority was busywork. like it's so weird when the mainline stuff was so good that this would feel like a shitty ubisoft game. and chadley... fuck that dude. worst character in the series. but for SOME gd reason he ends up talking to you nonstop! i hit the point where i'd wince any time i heard his "radio" turn on. he took an already mediocre open world and made it way worse. fuckin chudly.

the sidequests that weren't just repeated busywork were usually neat. tho some were bad, and others withstood their welcome. the cutscenes/dialogue were usually fun or genuinely great, but they too often came at the cost of wasting your time. they often had shit rewards. and they often incorporated the shittiest "minigames" ever (i'll go into this more in a minute). example: you gotta find ingredients for a character who is learning to cook. but it isn't just going out to find them in the world. no no no. you gotta follow a dog (ftr i love the song) as they slowly meander through a jungle, running into every mob they see. and when you finally get to where the "salt" is, there's a dumb scavenger hunt minigame where you need to find only the 5(?) salt piles that look like the photo. THEN you gotta get on your chocobo and look for mushrooms in a confusing, puzzle-like terrain. which also involves a smelling/follow the direction minigame, which always leads you into mobs. and once you get to each mushroom? there's this STUPID picking minigame. after all that, what reward do you get? an accessory that functions like maybe the worst materia in the game, but also takes up the accessory slot, making it even more unusable. FUCK this game sometimes, lol.

speakin of "fuck this game", the minigames. the 200 minigames (exaggeration, but it really feels like that many). some are genuinely incredible, like the piano minigame? which might be one of my favorite minigames of all time, it's legit THAT good. or "red xiii rocket league". but for every good minigame, there was a mediocre one. and then a terrible one. or one that gets WAY too hard in higher difficulties, like the mog game which starts fun but ends up dogshit and unplayable a few levels in. even tho the good and passable minigames are the majority, the bad minigames? they're maybe some of the worst minigames i've ever played in my goddamn life. like, by design, they're almost anti-fun. i genuinely believe some of the people in charge of the bad minigames should be blackballed from the industry. it's bewildering.

and finally that brings us to the pacing. if you play the game the way they seemingly expect you to play, getting to each new area and sidequesting a bit before continuing on with the story? then you'll spend five hours of mediocre/bad sidequest for each hour of good story. that's even worst if you're a "completionist" at all, you can triple or quadruple that number. we all loved remake because it "expanded the midgar section". we were all hoping they'd do the same with the og open world. the very idea of "big open world, but so much bigger" seemed incredible. but they certainly gave it to us! like they gave us exactly what we said we wanted, lol. when i first started playing rb, i was mostly completing each area. by the second or third area, i was more than 50 hours in. "burnout" is a gross understatement. all the mediocre sidequests combined with the sometimes unplayable minigames ALSO COMBINED with fuckin chudly? and i actually started to hate this game. it made me miserable. i'd get to a new area and just roll my eyes. i'd see a new minigame tutorial pop up and i'd mash "cancel". but wouldn't you know it, once i started skipping most minigames/sidequests? i started havin a ton of fun. turns out this pacing issue can be mitigated a lot. straight up you can ignore most of the open world, and i would actually strongly recommend it. if you DO wanna sidequest a bit between story, i'd say put on a podcast, set the difficulty to easy, and turn the voices down (bc chudly). and don't do everything. oh no. just do enough to unlock the chocobo, to buy the best materia chudly has from that area, and maybe get the summoning. even THAT is probably too much. bc near the end of the game, you get the opportunity to go back and finish a bunch of the stuff you missed the first time. and i actually enjoyed a lotta that stuff then! it was almost like a period of rest and relaxation before the end story stuff.

there are ways, intentional or not, to make this game feel even BETTER than remake. when you skip most of the side stuff, it's paced incredibly well. so it's hard to say it's a bad game. it's actually a really GOOD game with "too much side content". if you treat the open world stuff as just like, a living, detailed world you glance at as you zoom by? it's actually really cool that it's there. i have a couple more pros/cons that i wanna mention, but i don't know where else to put em. like the end fights. thematically, i adored em. in execution, it went on for way way WAY too long. it was like a 15 (yes FIFTEEN) phase fight. on normal, i swear it felt like it took close to two hours, full of unskippable cutscenes and only like one checkpoint. it also takes away al of your team composition too, consistently forcing you to use characters you don't wanna use in the hardest fights in the game. first time, i got through to the very last sliver of final sephiroth's health, only for him to cast some dogshit unblockable "everyone is at 1hp" move at the end. it was ok bc "i'd prepared for this". so i instantly had one character use a gigapotion on the other, who i switched to so they could dodge just to be extra safe. the potion... missed? how? and then before i had a chance to use another, he killed the remaining character. bad game. shit game. but whatever, i hit retry. and i couldn't believe it. it sent me back 7 phases. i was livid. it had sucked the air outta the room. so i said fuck it and restarted the whole fight from the start on easy, because i can't tolerate that kind of scumbag game design that wastes a player's time. and wouldn't you know it, turns out i'd been at the very end of the fight when i died. if the potion had gone off like it shoulda, i would have won, no question. ironically even on easy, that trash situation happened again, but the potion actually went off this time, that was the only difference. but yeah. fuck that fight. it was cooler thematically than the final fight in rm, but it was three times as long, and three times more unfair. fuck whoever designed this fight, they too should be blackballed from the industry, lol.

the last thing i wanna talk about is queens blood. bc my feelings on it are sorta all over. so it starts out kinda boring, like as basic as ff8 triple triad, but wayyy less fun. and you're very limited in who you can play and what cards you can add to your deck. the ai seemingly "cheats", but it's so "linear" that you can win anyhow. and they musta known they'd lose most players, so they legit give you the ability to "flip the game board" at any point in the match and start over with zero punishment. they knew the game wasn't rly fair by design. but it's still good they had the easy retry feature, or they woulda lost me too. the qb experience sorta continues this way until you get to the latter junon area, where suddenly you run into... idk what to call it. intense difficulty spikes? like this dickwad who's playin a rockabilly guitar. FUCK that dude's deck and FUCK his ai. almost single-handedly got me to drop qb altogether. i was absolutely done, had decided qb was just a poorly designed game. thankfully, right after junon they have this big tournament on the boat to costa del sol and it's really fun. you suddenly are getting cards that have actual strategy. and suddenly qb opens up. there was a slight misstep after the boat where they make you play these stupid "puzzle" versions of qb, but you can look up guides and, even if they aren't fun, they help teach you about the game. anyways, i cautiously started playin more matches in later areas (skippin fights that seemed too lame), and before i knew it, i'd kinda fallen in love w the game. it also helped that they started incorporating this fun n bizarre story, too. so idk. i'd say play qb the same way you play the side content, skip a lot of it until you get to the end game? and then go back with cards you bought or won and finish the ones u missed. it's so weird that so much of this game works this way. and i could see someone arguing that "it's just a bad game". because when most games hand you content, even side content, most players expect they should at least give the content a fair shot. it really is kinda poorly executed. but! there are so any ways to mitigate the bad and focus on the good. knowing what i know now, i like this game even more than remake (which i really REALLY love). rebirth was fuckin great. and thank fuck i didn't get spoiled, tho i never wanna hafta try n rush through a 100+ hour open world ever again. i'm really excited for part three, just hopin i can remember to skip over a lotta the optional stuff. also hoping i won't have to buy a fuckin ps6 or whatever just to play it.

[bomberqueen17]

yah ok

well as expected i got like zero time for tumblr now that i am at the farm full time. what haven't i updated about lately.... hmmmmm....

oh my finger is healing very well, i pulled the stitches out myself after researching it and getting good advice from a couple of friends, and it's totally closed up, healed super clean-- thanks hydrocolloid band-aids!!!-- and it'll be a scar but not a gnarly one. the tip of my finger is still ssssort of numb, which is a bummer, but it's improving i think. I can't grip things with the pad of that finger because pressure hurts in a shocky kind of way, but that's also improving slowly. I can otherwise use my hand as normal and it's safe to get it wet, which is good because I've had to have it submerged in water almost constantly since i got here, between egg-washing and cleaning and the 165 lbs of pork sausage we're making this week and cleaning and doing dishes and egg-washing did i mention. (I washed and packed 96 dozen fucking chicken eggs on Monday and Tuesday. Come buy some goddamned eggs, locals. I've eaten so many.)

I don't think I posted about my propane fake-woodstove out in the cabin. BIL bought it for me off Facebook Marketplace, and set it up for me-- I've bought the stuff for the cabin, it's my cabin, but he bought this and wouldn't even tell me how much it was, which was sweet of him. It's real real cute, and it hooks up to a thermostat, but I have not used it that way; the cabin is well-insulated enough that what I do is I turn it on when I get there in the evening, sit in front of it until it's time for bed, and then turn it off, and since it's spring it hasn't been a problem to just wake up and come down and maybe turn it on for a little bit while I get dressed but maybe just deal. The cabin holds the heat well enough it's not been too bad. I'll put a photo of it behind the cut.

What else! I don't know that there's much else. Oh yeah I did spend the weekend in NYC, traveled down on the train with Dude and then he stayed on the train back out to Buffalo on Monday when I got off in Albany. I was just on Manhattan tho, I didn't go anywhere. I just visited my beloved mammoth in the museum of natural history, and about drowned in all that rain, and wikipedia-spiraled about the Dead Rabbits, as one does.

OK time for a photo of my fake woodstove.

[image description: the corner of a wooden-walled interior, featuring what looks like a cast iron woodstove with a glass front, except the fire is very blue and weirdly even.] It's not quite that blue in real life, the phone was doing stupid exposure-adjustment tricks which makes it look like fairy fire. But it's kinda pretty IRL too, I promise.

Also very cozy, so, I'll take it.

[teeth-and-tea]

Vash!Plant Engineer HdCns Because My Day Job Is ACTUAL Tech Installations

Sup I'm just the local GNC gay tech installer and when someone was like "Vash as a plant engineer!!!" I loved it because this is something I can ACTUALLY contribute to. Engineers and installers/mechanics are different careers and do different things but the image I see is closer to my job than people think lmao

He started wearing black because he kept forgetting sharpies and pens in his pockets when tossing his clothes in the washer. They all started out in white T-shirts and alas, they never stay that way

He knows EXACTLY how long his index finger is and the length of the middle part of his finger (trying to get to a tape measure when it's on the otherside of the site and you forgot it? Improv time but you still want to be mostly accurate) (my middle bit of the index finger is 1 1/4 inches long)

Box and wire cutters are part of the FIT you don't UNDERSTAND

No he doesn't need to collect those extra screws and bolts but WHAT IF ANOTHER SITE NEEDS THEM??? Doesn't matter that he already has a gallon container of those exact screws YOU NEVER KNOW. (His pockets are ALWAYS full of nuts and bolts and screws, even though if he squats sometimes they stab his leg)

Has one (1) pair of good work boots and always forgets to wear them because converse and high tops are so COMFY

You look through his suitcase and there will be more pairs of socks than literally any other combo of clothing (going commando is less of a hassle and less disgusting than wearing the same pair of sweaty icky gross crusty socks 2 days in a row)

"My safety glasses is just squinting" - An OSHA regulator's ghost comes back just to smack him

Will eat food with the nastiest dirtiest hands alive and forget about it

Speaking of: his hands are ROUGH. Dry as a goddamn BONE. He has a singular travel sized hand lotion bottle in his pack out and he always forgets about it. Can always open a jar of pickles tho.

No one believes this IS the guy they called because "youre so young" "you just don't look like a-" "is this your first time" etc etc etc and he carries around a special laminated card on a string just to prove who he is

His packout is composed of whole SETS of tools in their appropriate cases but never actually organized in there, so they rattle around like the Devil's Baby Toy. Also holds 2 spare sets of the most tangled, atrocious headphones you've ever seen in your LIFE

His most precious tool is a 12-in-one screwdriver that he can just exchange out the heads for to get what he needs immediately. No you cannot use his. Yes it has paint on it to signify its his. Yes he loses it all the time, but no it also never leaves his pockets. It has legs of its own and he KNOWS its trying to run away he just KNOWS.

Always smells like oil and burning metal and sawdust (maybe?)

The little click a wire makes when connected is SO satisfying

WILL curse the ghosts of people who over-engineered A Thing so bad it'll break if you so much as sneeze at it

Talks to himself or his Big Sisters to figure out a problem

Gets really excited about matching tool sets and WILL talk about them for a WHILE with other tool heads (becomes a beloved Hononary Grandson and Nephew to SO MANY old guys)

HATES IT WHEN SOMEONE BUILDS SMTH AND MIXES METRIC AND IMPERIAL MEASUREMENTS IN THEIR BUILD LIKE WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL LIKE THATS DOUBLE THE WEIGHT IN TOOLS DO YOU FUCKIN-

His back is SHIT but his thighs are AMAZING

Anyways, hope this helps!

[cheemken]

Knight I’m gonna send a request soon, I just need to think about what

Anyways, I’ve been thinking about the Masters Eight tournament and I’m still disappointed with how it was handled

And I know you don’t care much for the Anime, but just hear me out about how I think it should’ve went

The competitors should’ve been Ash, Iris, Cynthia, Diantha, Steven, Alder (not totally sure about him), Wallace, and Lance (they’re not ranked in this order). With Leon being the final challenge to the winner

I hated that Leon was a competitor because it just guarantees that whoever he faces is automatically going to lose

But yeah, I just think if it’s the MASTERS Eight then it should be the strongest trainers. Which are the Champions both present and past, hence Wallace and Alder being here

I’m kicking Alain out because he just felt like he was chosen as a competitor at the last minute when he had no true reason to join the PWC. Plus he ain’t a Champion

Another thing I was annoyed with was the Battle Field, like if you look at the Kalos League battle field in the Anime, it actually looks cool and had different battle fields. It wasn’t a generic rectangular box. The Masters Eight should’ve at least had a nicer looking battle field than…what they gave us

Last thing I want to rant about, but ALL battles should’ve been 6vs6 and not 3vs3 in the first round. The battles would’ve been so much better to watch if they were full battles

But yeah, it would’ve been a great send off if Ash had competed with the Champions from each Region, won the tournament, and then won the title of World Champion from Leon as the final challenge

The way they handled the Masters Eight was smth else man it was such a cool concept but the way they executed it is just cnmdndjd😭😭

It would've been so cool if it was like that bc for one, why is Alain there, and two you are so goddamn right abt Leon like he's always gonna win against anyone, plus I'm hella fucking salty over the Diantha vs Leon fight as you can see owo

But real why is Alain there😭 for fanservice??? He and Ash didn't even fight and you can tell I'm also salty over that Lumiose Conference battle lmfao the way I started hating Alain and Zard X bc of that yes I'm that petty— also why the fuck is he a rank higher than Iris💀

I do like that it's the Champions for the Masters Eight tho, it checks out bc they're the strongest of each region, but w Alder, as much as I love him, isn't he retired? What I always picture was the Champions plus Raihan, bc iirc, I think in the manga?? I'm not sure but I read that Leon always had to figure out a new strategy against Raihan bc he's always close to beating him, so if it's not Alder, I pitching in Raihan

So my ideal Masters Eight is Lance, Steven, Wallace, Cynthia, Iris, Diantha, Ash, and Raihan; Leon then being the final boss to see if the current number 2 can be number 1

Speaking of the M8 y'know, how does the ranking system of theirs even work? Cause yeah there's still the Ultra trainers, the top two of those being Raihan and Drasna. What I'm saying is,, should the competitors battle within Wyndon Stadium to be counted in it or do they have some sort of trainer card registration thing that automatically knows how many battles you had and how much you improved as a trainer? Idk bc I haven't watched the anime since hahaha

But yeah with the stadium and the battlefield right it's so goddamn plain😭 what I had in mind that would've been more of a challenge was smth similar to Kalos' field but also having control of the weather, like, if it's the ultimate challenge, then the Champions/M8 should be able to adapt depending on the weather of the field, whether it be raining, sunny, hailing, or if it's a sandstorm, to see how resilient they truly are, how they can make a disadvantage into an advantage, it would've been cool to see ig

Also as much as I despise all those "this is Ash's ultimate team" videos in yt bc they're basically all his aces, for this, I really wished he could've used all his aces because come on, you're gonna challenge the different champions of different regions with a team you just trained? Like he really won against Steven and Cynthia with a recent team, and ik he had training but c'mon man, the M8 aren't pushovers, might as well bring your strongest mons to have a fighting chance against them (I remember someone actually writing a fic abt that, of Ash using his previous pkmn, using a different team depending on the champion he faced and it was really dope cnmdnd).

But yeah, it's just,, well it could've been better but hey hahah

[chocolate-failure]

I just feel so utterly drained. So devoid of everything. Just fucking horrible. It feels like everything I do is consuming the last bit of energy I have and then I have to do shit for dig. Like God I fucking hate it here. It's this house. I had it labeled has Home on Google maps but it's literally hell.

I've been living here for 10 mfkn years getting sicker by the day and at some point it's not worth my well being... well at some point it wasn't and I don't know if this shit is permanent but being here is hurting me. I remember telling dig like maybe 7 years ago that I was gonna move out and it was seen as an entire rejection of our relationship and him. Like no you ignorant bitch this place is killing me and I knew it better back then. I had so much more clarity but far less money and I felt like I needed to always placate dig. I mean I still do. He is an infant. But now we're moving towards getting out of here. It only took a decade. And now I can figure out if I hate my life because I'm not living a life I feel belongs to me in a place that fosters my well being or if I'm not living a life that belongs to me with a person who fosters my well being. I gave the sinking feeling it's both but I feel I owe it to him to give him the chance to fuck up our new life together. Cuz it honestly feels like it hasn't started yet.

I think regardless I'll feel better because this house is a fucking hazard. It should be condemned and I kinda want to do an air quality test here just to get an idea of how many carcinogens I'm being exposed to on a daily basis.

After my mom's birthday we took a trip to Buffalo NY (where she's from) and I was really not looking forward to it. I really dislike Buffalo and my mom and her sister ate both overbearing and annoying in ways that not just stress me out but are weirdly triggering. Like we had been there for maybe 10 minutes and my aunt notices my nose ring and says it's not straight and I try to downplay it cuz if I explain why it's crooked I have to explain that it's a taper. But like she won't stfu about it after I try to shut it down twice I just say it's a taper and I'm gauging my septum. My mom starts fucking crying cuz she's found she can manipulate me that way. But bitch I'm fucking 34 can we pls stop acting like you gaf about my wellbeing and just want to continue controlling me?? Like Jesus. So yeah, that was within the first hour of being there so I wasn't confident nor excited for my time there.

And my time there was for the most part pretty uneventful but not entirely uncomfortable. I got to take my super mfkn hot baths which kept my weight down and honestly that's all that matters to me in any given situation. As long as I can starve myself and purge adequately I'm pretty happy. Nevermind I spent much of my time on a couch sitting next to my veggie uncle watching incredibly shitty shows only a boomer could enjoy. He was such a horrible person before the dementia and I'm hard pressed to think that changed him for the better... tho him not talking is definitely an improvement.

Man I'm miserable.

So yeah Buffalo wasn't the worst thing ever. I did spend a fair amount of time around my mom and aunt and realized how absolutely fucking autistic every women on that side of my family is like goddamn. They're all so goddamn weird and not necessarily in a bad way but there are so many things you have to navigate and tiptoe around to keep them happy. And being round that made me feel kinda mfkn bad about myself. Like I know I'm not a person that people feel they need to bend over backwards to make comfortable but it is at the expense of a lot of my own comfort. I think it's a little of the low support need/high masking in me and because I don't particularly care for people I often hit the "why tf am I doing this" wall. I could easily drop this shit, support myself in the ways I need instead of being mentally and emotionally drained by people who always put themselves before me or don't even consider my needs. I could do this by myself. I would be happier by myself. Why am I not by myself?

Idk.

I mean I do but I don't want to think about it.

After Buffalo I went to the city to see Ichigo. It's been a mfkn minute but I love that nigga and I don't think I could ever not have him in my life even though we're so incredibly introverted and low energy we could spend years not talking. Man I love that dude. But yeah, I stayed at his place from the 22nd to the 28th and it was goddamn magical. We went to Providence Park a couple times which was really mfkn dope, ends up he loves nature just as much as me 😭

His partner is a she/they not sure of their gender identity but holy hell can she fuck up some beans and rice. Like goddamn. That first day she made some beans and rice with chickpeas and avocado and istfg I ate and was happy to. I didn't eat a lot but that's the kind of eating that makes me happiest. And they didn't super push me to eat which was really nice. I legit could eat those rice and beans every day, they were so good 🤤 The next morning ichigo made eggs Benedict which was fuckin amazing. I've never poached an egg but now I gotta learn 👀

Their dog is a lil ball of nerves but she did sleep with me on the last few days when everybody had left. Ichigo works with highschoolers and hmmm... I don't have a name for his partner but hm... I really like her, they're super chill and easy to talk to and have a really nice smile... maybeeeee.... yeah no idk.. but I like them. She's a lawyer that works with equality litigation and making sure ppl have access to resources. But erm, I was on my own for Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday which I very much enjoyed far more than I expected. I took the bus to the gym everyday and it was absolutely wonderful. I got so much done and felt so mfkn accomplished. I def lost like 5lbs on my trip. I think I came back at 164~ I gained it all back cuz this place stresses me out but for a shining moment I felt good about myself and my progress and that means a lot to me. It shows me it's possible. It shows me it's not me.

Shitty cuddle interlude~

Dig was upset with me earlier today cuz I said him taking a nap was welcomed because I'm having a rough day. He took it as me not wanting to be around him at all and decided he just would avoid me. He could have just asked me if I wanted to have a chill day but sends me discord messages, I've literally told him I don't always get the notifs and social media messaging has become incredibly stressful for me. But yeah, he assumes I'm super upset with him and I need to be treated like I'll bite his head off if he so much as looks at me. I feel like I'm being gaslit into believing I'm both a bad person and my need for recharge is too much. I didn't say as much but I made it known I wasn't meaning to make him feel a burden and that I'm not a bad person for feeling drained by him and needing a rest. I tried not reveal anything negative I was feeling while setting a clear boundary. I took my bath and he was still outside from when he retreated thinking I was mad. He's outside enjoying the rain. It was a good rain. I go down and he's not doing well. But it's always up to me to put aside how I'm feeling to coddle him so I asked if he was okay with company. I sat with him in silence for a while and think to myself, he definitely wants me yo cuddle him but is that what I want to do. No, no it is not. What will it do for me? Prob be uncomfortable and a lil draining but he won't be a melancholy buzzkill in the coming week which is even more draineding cuz he will repeatedly imply it's my fault. In the long run this momentary discomfort will allow me to avoid future discomfort and future me deserves better. So I ask him if he would like to cuddle, something he's not too good at doing so maybe modeling asking for consent will help him to do it himself. So I cuddle with him and it feels like nothing. But worse than nothing cuz it's something I'm doing completely out of obligation. There is no joy or contentment or even comfort... and why do I have to be the person to ask for shit I don't even want? This is tiring.