#lord (and all people who deal with anxiety) knows how well that works

[e-adlirez]

So this scene in Cloud Castle exists

I love how Will’s answer for “why aren’t you seeing your nightmares in this place specifically designed to show you your nightmares” is “I go to therapy”

[fatuismooches]

Every time recruits were assigned to a Harbinger, they were required to give a speech to the new agents. It was simply the way the Fatui worked - everyone must be made aware and dedicate themselves to the Tsaritsa's will through working for the Harbingers. The experience varied from Harbinger to Harbinger - if one were lucky enough to be with the Captain, they'd be filled with a sense of pride and bravery, if they had the misfortune of working for the Balladeer, well... one could guess how that goes.

Dottore's orientations were also anxiety-inducing, no doubt, considering the kind of reputation he had. Most recruits prayed day and night not to be selected to work for him. It was a very popular rumor about how easy it was to end up as a test subject of Dottore's. However, what many recruits quickly realized was that... working for Dottore was not as bad as many claimed.

Sure, some segments were definitely more difficult to work with than others, but it was actually preferable to working for certain other Harbingers. Just continue to produce results, and you'll be fine. Surprisingly, there were a sizeable amount of agents who adored Dottore. They would rave about him at any given opportunity to anyone who was willing to listen, and that didn't even include their signature handbook. It was also said that if you truly impressed him, he wasn't picky about rewarding you. Unfortunately for new recruits, they were still unaware of this and were left to shiver with their hearts in their throats, awaiting their impending doom.

Even worse for those poor souls, was that a habit of the segments was that they were notoriously late to these meetings, diving deep into their research and discarding it until the last minute. You learned this through idle conversation with one such segment, Beta, who especially despised this baptism.

"So... you just stood there and gave a speech to them?" You couldn't help but find the idea very funny, considering the kind of man he was. "What are your speeches like? Are you motivational, Beta?" He scowled at your teasing and focused his frustration on his latest creation.

"I don't have the time to waste on foolish things."

"Isn't it a good thing to encourage your employees?"

"This is the Fatui. They know what's expected of them," Beta scoffed as if he hadn't turned certain agents into flying robots in the past.

"Aww, but it sounds fun! I would wanna talk to them like that," you sighed. Most of the time the agents would bow, stutter, and quickly make themselves scarce when they saw you. Certain ones would just stare at you in awe silently as if they couldn't believe their eyes, and then scribble something in their notepad. You were unsure of their motives.

"There's a reason why Prime has never attended one himself ever since he created his first segment. All of us fill up our schedules to avoid it," the segment grumbled. He was the one stuck with the duty today. You only hummed in amusement.

"So when is the next screening of new recruits?"

"Tomorrow morning. Hmm, Omega's turn this time too. He's best at these things, anyway." You smiled as you had a very good idea.

"I'm going to go!"

"Are you now? Have fun." Beta responded dryly. Now that he thought about it, if you were so eager, perhaps he should have brought you to do most of the speaking.

"I will. I'll get them to be the most motivated Fatui agents there is!"

—

For a small group of people, they were starting their mornings with possibly one of the most frightening experiences of their lives. It was only natural for them to whisper to each other, all huddled up.

"I wonder if the rumors about Lord Dottore are true. Is he going to dissect us if-"

"You know what I wonder? What segment of Lord Dottore we'll get assigned to. I heard-"

"He has segments???"

"Apparently, he cloned himself at different stages of his life, so we'll deal with numerous versions of him."

"... As soon as the time comes, I'm putting in a request to transfer out of here."

"And that will be your biggest mistake. Lord Dottore is far more generous than you lot make him out to be."

"Pardon?"

"Lord Dottore is quite frequently praised by many agents around here. You just haven't heard them yet. Furthermore, he'll always appreciate results, regardless of your actions." The Dottore defender passionately gripped his chest. The group looked unconvinced.

"Are you sure they weren't under duress or something...?"

"Well, I've met his spouse once too! And [Name] was as kind as-" The poor agent was interrupted by laughter.

"Spouse? The sun would sooner shine bright in Snezhnaya than Lord Dottore ever being married."

"Is he even capable of love?"

"It's not a lie. Many agents who work for our Lord know them! In fact, they-"

"Ahem! Attention everyone!" A voice sounded in front of the room, that was... definitely not Dottore's. There stood a person who was... definitely not Dottore either. The room went completely silent as they gazed upon your rather proud form.

"You all were expecting Dottore, but I, [Name], will start this thing off first!" The glint of your wedding ring became all too noticeable for the new recruits as your eyes scanned the crowd. "Oh, hey! You're that guy I gave directions to a while back! You really did transfer over, huh!" You gleefully waved to him as he scratched his head, in both embarrassment and honor, and the agents suddenly had a feeling that the man was not lying about Dottore's marital status.

"Anyway, I'm gonna ask you all the question I know you're all thinking about. You're absolutely terrified of Dottore, aren't you?!" You pointed at them while their throats were dry from the situation. After a few seconds, they glanced at each other before nodding awkwardly. You only chuckled as you puffed out your chest.

"Well, I'm going to erase all those fears right here, right now. As the person who knows him better than anyone, I can assure you he's a great Harbinger to work under! And to do that... I'm going to give you all a crash course on Dottore's segments! So go on, ask me anything and I shall deliver!" Your resounding confidence was met with blank stares, save for the new inductee into the fan club.

"Are they really Lord Dottore's lover?"

"Well, they have to be... no one can just walk around casually claiming to be married to him."

"I mean... if someone like Lord Dottore is able to fall in love, then he can't be too bad, right...? We should listen to them."

One by one the nervous agents asked you a variety of questions - how to deal with them, how to tell them apart, what to do if they were annoyed, a few quirks to look out for, the kind of work efficiency he valued, the kind of sweets they most favored when it came time to pacify them- the more you spoke, the more engaged the new recruits got. You were rather proud of your skills.

"And if that wasn't enough motivation for you, do it for him!" In the end, you pulled out your one and only pet, the strange blue fox creature who blinked at the crowd who was loudly clapping for some reason.

"You know, I feel a lot more confident about working here!"

"I told you all, you just didn't believe me," the one fan said, still over the moon. But even amidst the commotion, a pair of shoes neatly echoed throughout the room, causing everyone to nearly fall silent at his presence.

"Oh... that's Lord Omega, right? His mask is black." Said agent got elbowed by another for speaking, as they all bowed lowly in respect. The segment was more interested in what you were doing here.

"... [Name], what exactly is the meaning of this?" The segment studied you carefully - despite your sweet smile, he didn't exactly have the best feeling about this.

"I gave them a speech of course! You need to motivate them more, you know? For the results you love so much! I just decided to do your job for you." Your lover stared at you and then turned his attention to the group who were standing stiffly.

"Is that so?"

"Y-Yes, Lord Dottore."

"Then you are all dismissed." The group blinked before quickly shuffling out of the room, mostly in awe at how casually you spoke to the Harbinger. You really were married...

"Just trust me Omega, those guys will be some of your most hardworking agents!" Omega looked at you thoughtfully - their demeanor did seem much better than when he spoke. But he still had a lingering thought that bothered him.

"[Name], you didn't tell them anything potentially... inappropriate, did you?"

"Inappropriate? O-Oh, of course not, Omega. I merely boosted their spirits into working for you!" You smiled, ignoring how his gaze was boring into you.

"That's all?"

"Yes, that's all!"

"..."

"..."

"Well, actually, I-I may have told them about the sweets thing again- hey- don't get closer!"

[slutforsnow]

Skin Don't Matter To Me

Quick a/n before the fic gets started; I am SO SO SORRY to those who were upset/uncomfortable/angry that I made the original billy x black!reader a former slave!reader. I didn't think. I shouldn't have been up at 1am writing. It was horrid and a terrible decision on my end. Forgive me or not, is entirely up to you. Ty to the anons who called me out for it and made me realize it was wrong to do that, biracial or not. I hope you can forgive me 🫂

Tw/CW: insecurities, anxiety, racism is brought up (not comments, just behavior).

Summary: Reader gets insecure about her relationship with Billy after seeing some girls flirt with him.

It was a chill Saturday evening in the saloon as patrons drank, played poker, and chatted absent-mindly. It was an easy night, for sure, aside from a few drunken snide comments made towards reader, but she shrugged them off. After all, she wasn't getting paid to fight the customers.

As she hummed and wiped down the bar, which was currently empty, she stopped midway to wipe some sweat off her face—reader loves her afro, and has no problems pulling it back so she didn't sweat to death while she worked, but some nights it was just too hot and having so many people out and about the saloon was making it harder to deal with.

Her dark skin shone in sweat as she worked but didn't complain. She had to make a livin' somehow, and she wasn't gonna do that by moanin' and groanin'.

As she resumed her work, she flashed a smile towards her boyfriend as he played poker. He was in his favorite seat, watching her work as he placed his bets and ignored the other girls hitting on him and trying to get his attention. He was technically working as well—he and his boys were security for the saloon because some of the customers were still quite horrid to the folks of color who worked, especially the women. They'd try to threaten y/n but were often silenced or kicked out by Billy and his men.

Y/n and Billy had been dating for 2 years, despite the ups and downs of him being a cowboy and the racism she'd face for being a black woman.

As she worked, still humming, she caught sight of some white girls being all touchy and whispering things in his ear. She bit her tongue as to not cause a scene and focused on continuing to grab glasses and wipe down tables.

'He'd never leave me. He's said that,' She thought to herself as a reminder that Billy would never leave her for some white girl. She was his, and he was hers. Yet, despite the constant love and affection he would give her, she still got that nagging fear that he would leave her.

A few hours later, Y/n's shift had ended and the couple were headed back home to the ranch that they bought with their savings over the course of their relationship. Y/n was silent the whole way home, which made Billy worry that he did something wrong.

"Darlin' did I do somethin' wrong?" He asked, setting his hat on a hook by the door as he shut the door behind him.

A lump formed in her throat and she sighed, knowing he'd keep asking if she said nothing.

"It wasn't you, Billy it... it's just my fears," She answered, trying to dismiss her fears.

"Well, what's wrong? It won't go away unless you talk to me."

Damn his smooth and relaxing tone- she didn't want to talk about it, afraid it would turn into an argument about his loyalties but he was so understanding that she knew she she couldn't hide it from him.

"Those... those damn whores that keep touchin' on you like you're not taken," She told him, sighing. "I know it's probably stupid or somethin-"

"Oh thank the Lord, I was hoping you'd bring this up," He breathed out, letting out a relaxed laugh and earning a perplexed look from y/n.

"...What?"

"I've been wanting to tell you about that. I never wanted to stress you out, but I hate, and I mean absolutely fuckin' hate when they do that. It gets so annoyin', I tell them I'm taken and to back off, but do they listen? No." As Billy continued to ramble about how he hated the other women touching and talking to him like he wasn't a taken man, she smiled.

He was so vocal about how much he hated it when they touched and flirted with him that it eased her worried soul and she hugged him tightly.

Fucking hell, she loves this man so much.

[borderlinebox]

hii i don’t know if your requests are open rn if not just ignore this! but if they are i wanted to request chishiya x reader with social anxiety :)

Chishiya with S/O who has Social Anxiety Hcs!

Pairing ; chishiya x reader | a/n ; Honestly this was great asf for me to write cause i have social anxiety too. | warning ; fluff, comfort, a bit of teasing chishiya, a little trailed off, not proof read, season 2 spoilers

chishiya would understand your situation.

but I think he'd be a tad bit annoyed with you as well.

both of you met each other in a game and you were forced to team up with somebody

you were too reluctant on going up to somebody and decided to wait until everyone had a partner or you'd go to the last person who was available

or they'd go to you

like chishiya

from afar, chishiya would have already noticed you weren't the one for social gatherings

since you were kinda squinting at everybody in mild disgust, fear and anxiety

brows furrowing as you bit the bottom corner of your lips and fumbling with the insides of your pockets

yeah you were probably fucked

chishiya would come up to you smoothly, figuring out a way to not startle you

you'd prolong a small 'uh' and quietly return his introduction, not wanting to shake his hand

honestly through out the entire game, he was the one who talked

and he barely talks!

he was just explaining what the games probability would be and making out tactics

you definitely know what he's talking about about but you didn't say much other than a small hum

chishiya would then turn to you and be like 'you understand dont you?'

being torn from either replying because you think that he'd think you were stupid and not replying because.. of the same thing

"Mm."

but later on he'd find out you're actually quite clever and/or strong.

you just prefer to keep it low key

now we all know chishiya doesn't normally chat with others

but since he thinks you were competent as being his partner in that game,

expect as many waves that you'd have to awkwardly return

that's why when he found you in the beach he was honestly quite surprised

like how tf did you get in there

chishiya knows how smart/strong you really are, you just didnt like everyone around you nor you wanted them to think badly of you

when you become something of 'friends'

(coughcoughaskkuinacough)

he'd subtly praise you by giving you an awkward thumbs up when you're doing good

has to watch you mentally make a list of the food you want from the buffet so that you wouldn't look dumb when picking food

or anything like that

honestly it kinda hurts him to watch you

but wouldn't show it (now added with concern for you believing that he's judging you)

but but but

chishiya actually thinks there's perks to you social anxiety

like, well, mentally listing stuff down and fixating on details in order to make his plans work

he also admires your acting skills when you try to get away from social situations

again, really good asset, just a bit too terrified

once you start becoming comfortable being by his side, he's very patient and would listen to what you'll have to say

also has to reassure you that he understands your opinions (omg rare)

soon enough you'll almost be like a whole new person and chishiya now has to deal with this puppy

he knows all the things that ticks you off or triggers the anxiety

would comfort you by helping you escape to somewhere less crowded

oh oh oh

and if you both like each other

neither of you is going to confess

chishiya is busy being a tsundere and being in denial

hile you're sulking in anxiety AND denial

kuina literally has to come out and put both of you in a candle lit dinner it's so goofy

it's so painful for her to watch both of you pine for the other

she's practically clawing her eyes out

once you guys get together, chishiya tells you to keep it a secret

which you could definitely do.

and oh my lord when arisu and usagi come by

the anxiety is once again high

and even higher when people start killing each other

you're standing there all cool, arms crossed, watching the many cctvs

and kuina and chishiya start subtly accusing each other that they are the witch

you'd start having a breakdown internally but you're standing there like its all goody gum drops

i think im trailing off

either way, chishiya would definitely just tease you how your anxious

but he'll tell you everytime that you're gonna be okay

plus holding hands when y'all are hiding

him coaxing you for anything sometimes

he'll not say but he'll be pretty honored that you became comfortable with him

honestly he would treat you like how he treated ippei (with extra credit)

and again, he'll just subtly praise you

soon it'sprobably gonna be a habit in his system

if you know what i mea-

[cookiesupplier]

Catch You When You Fall - Part Ten

pairing: Nicholas Ruffilo & ofc (Catherine)

warnings/tropes: slow burn, angst, murder, mystery, smut, mentions of speciesism, mentions of violence, trauma, mental health, depression, anxiety, sleep terrors, loss of appetite, (potentially more to come)

summary: A new soul has arrived in the Afterlife. While she appears to adjust just like anyone else might in the new environment of the world of life after death, despite the ordeal she experienced with her death. The question is has she really, and can Nicholas help her without crossing lines that he knows he shouldn't?

Authors Note: Unbeta'd, here we go!

To find the others in the Hell AU Universe: Combined Hell-Verse Masterlist

If you would like to be added to this tag list please see THIS FORM

tags: @missduffsblog @tearfallpixie @spicywhenspeaking @sorrowsofsilence @wild-child-7747

@lacktoesandtoddlerants @blackveilomens @valiantroeagleangel @bngurngheart @collapsedglasshouses

@miamore0570 @emmmm127 @sunsshinesunny @dominuslunae @xxkittenkissesxx

@philomenie @dontdiganothergravetoday @anameunmusical @poisongirl616

Nicholas knew he needed to hit something, he wasn’t a violent person, he wasn’t, truly, but sometimes, everyone had those moments, didn’t they? When they just had to hit something and get that aggression out, or they might just implode a little bit. It was why he could really understand why Ellie took her bat to the more repugnant souls that came through the arrival's office that she worked in with Jolly and Folio. Nicholas couldn’t say he wouldn’t be tempted to deal with a few of the horrifyingly darker souls personally whose files passed over his desk. Still, that wasn’t his job, his job was to assess their souls and hand their physical punishments over to demons such as Noah and his teams in the punishment realms. 

The punishment realms, one of which he was headed to right now, the one that Noah, well, Nicholas didn’t like to say he was in control of it, or lorded over it like some did. Even if in some ways he did both of those things. Nicholas would prefer to consider his work as guided it. Nicholas hoped that they could actually help the souls inside, even if they both would admit, some of the souls in the darkest depths of the realm, might be there for eternity. While punishments weren’t supposed to be about the pain, and torture, it was the lessons, and learning from them, not everyone managed to understand that. People like Folio did, and look at him now, he had flourished in the most wonderful way. He even had moved on to find a relationship in Ishtar, despite what demons like Gavin would say about it. If Folio had had a caseworker under Gavin, he would have encouraged him to reincarnate the moment he had come out of punishment. Nicholas, for one, was more than glad that Folio’s instead had placed him in the arrival’s hall, working with Jolly instead. 

Now, as Nicholas walked into the training ring, Noah was already waiting for him. They didn’t train often, Nick wasn’t into this kind of thing as much as Noah was, but he had insisted lifetimes ago. Wanted to make sure he could defend himself. Safe to say, when Nicholas had heard about Noah’s plan for his first date with Ellie, oh, there was no way he had been surprised. It had seemed like a Noah thing to do, teaching her how to fight, or more importantly, defend herself. He was sure it had been one hell of a first date.

Knowing they were meeting this afternoon, for once, he hadn’t even told him he had to postpone for the stack of paperwork on his desk.

“Wow, something must have gotten to you, I didn’t get one call to tell me you were running late this time.”

Noah looked like he’d already started training when he got there, and knowing him, he probably had, working with some of the other demons no doubt. Nicholas wasn’t about to ask who, he knew that Noah didn’t hold back when it came to pushing those under him, he was a perfectionist. Then again, for all he knew it wasn’t just training. It could well have been him working with souls for the morning on their punishment regimens. Nicholas wasn’t going to ask any more than Noah was going to inquire about the files that had crossed his desk. Poking at each other's work was better off not done, and they both knew it.

Dropping his bag to the side, he reached in and took out the wraps for his hands, Nicholas didn’t use his nearly as much as Noah did, but he had them anyway, for under the gloves.

“Hand-to-hand today then?”

Already starting on wrapping his hands, Nicholas sighed, they’d both had a couple of lifetimes worth of routine, even if Noah was much more adept.

“Oh yeah, I really just need to hit something today, and if it ends up being you, at least then I won’t get reported by you.”

At least Noah laughed at that, that was far better than what Bryce would have done if he’d actually ended up taking a swipe at him earlier this morning.

“Or we can stick to the punching bags, though, I doubt you’d find that as nearly as satisfying. Damn Nick, you usually aren’t nearly this eager to hit first, what's going on? Something happening at work, you’ve been, kind of, off lately?”

Noah asking about work, even in general, he could tell he was worried, otherwise he wouldn’t have touched it. Nicholas was quiet as he wrapped his hands, considering what he should tell Noah, it wasn’t like the discord in his department's office was new. A lot of people knew about it, and Noah was well aware of how demons like Gavin saw things, he was just as disgusted by it as he was. Sighing,

“So, I had a bit of a sit down with Bryce this morning about one of his cases. Bryce, works under Gavin, Lord Gavin.. You know, that one.”

One glance at Noah as Nicholas was starting to pull on his gloves over the basic wrap to protect the knuckles of his hands, and the stare he got back told him he knew exactly who he was talking about. Nicholas was aware that Noah had heard plenty about Gavin’s opinion of Noah’s bonding with Ellie, and he certainly didn’t need to ask him what his brother thought about that, it was obvious. Possibly he wasn’t going to be the only one that wanted to hit something soon. 

“Anyway, the new soul in Hell, Catherine, Cat, the one that works for Ishtar-”

“Oh, Ellie mentioned her the other day. She was absolutely delighted to meet her, couldn’t stop talking about how wonderful she was. Folio apparently thinks she’s great too, he said that he thinks she might be having a bit of a learning curve settling into Hell, but what soul doesn’t right?”

Nicholas must have had a some kind of look on his face, because something about his expression had Noah stopping cold then, staring at him.

“What, what is it, Nicholas, something wrong with her? Is she the case you were talking to Bryce about?”

There went his face again. He had the worst kind of poker face, and he knew it.

“Oh shit, she was, wasn’t she? What’s happened… oh damn if she’s one of Bryce’s that's bad… dammit Nicholas! You should have told me, if Ellie makes friends with her, and she reincarnates, that’ll just break her heart. I mean, shit, it happens to all of us, I know that, it’s bound to happen to her sooner or later.”

Nicholas shook his head before Noah got too far ahead of himself. He wasn’t wrong, though, it did happen to all of them. They met souls that they became friends with that ended up reincarnating, and they had to say goodbye to. It was heartbreaking, most times, in the most wonderful way, seeing a soul growing and reaching such an emotional journey that they were ready for that next step. Cat though, as one of Gavin’s, they both knew that wasn’t likely to be the heartbreak that would happen.

“That wasn’t quite the problem I was worried about, but yeah, it was her case, and yes, even eventually we both know Ellie is going to have to deal with friends reincarnating, you know that. Prepare her for it. Jolly and Folio have both had to say goodbye to friends over the years that have reincarnated.”

It wasn’t easy, getting to know souls that have decided to go back and try again, but at the same time, by the time that they did, there always seemed to be a sense of hope for them. As painful as it was, it wasn’t about an ending, it was about a new beginning. Besides, maybe they’d see them again someday. Just, every last one of them hoped they didn’t see them again too soon, that they lived long happy, and healthy lives out there. 

“Then what was the issue? I’m assuming there was one if you’re upset about it enough to go see Bryce.”

Moving towards the punching bag now, they could try to spar, but neither of them were focused enough, and if they tried, the conversation would just lead to one of them getting hurt, and it wouldn’t go well.

“I went to see her because,”

He was tempted to lie, and just spin the yarn to Noah that he’d told Bryce about just being in the vicinity of her building and accidentally seeing her… but this was Noah…

“I lied about finding her passing out and helping her, but the truth is, after helping her, Ishtar and Ellie the other night, I’ve felt drawn to her. I know I need to stay away from her, she’s one of Bryce’s cases, if I don’t stay away from her, I could blow up my life, my career, I could blow up her life. I know the way Gavin and Bryce treat souls, they’d manipulate her into reincarnation early if they weren’t trying already. And I, I can’t have that, Noah. I don’t- I have never believed in forcing people into reincarnation. The soul needs time to process, and I have the worst feeling she’s going through something, she needs this time… She needs help, and they aren’t going to give it to her because all they see her as is some soul to push through, and…”

He sighed…

“I don’t know what I’m doing, I’ve just met her, I don’t even know her, I don’t know her beyond that she likes flowers, and she-” 

Noah was standing behind the heavy punching bag and putting his shoulder against the back of the swinging rig to give it more heft. He braced it increasingly for Nicholas as his brother started to lay into it with each heavier hit of his fists. Allowing him to let his frustrations out on the bag with each punch of his hands, and gloves. Between each strike of his hands against the weighted boxing bag, the words flowed about the female soul, about how he didn’t understand why he just couldn’t keep his mind off of her. That he knew he should just let it go, he knew she didn’t matter in the grand scheme of the souls in Hell. She wasn’t even his to watch over, what was one soul, but he just couldn’t stop thinking about her. Thinking about things that Folio said, Ellie said, even Ishtar said. 

Noah blinked at the way Nicholas just continued to thrash the punching bag with his fists, he was never usually this focused. 

He had to meet this woman. 

Obviously there was something about her that had his best friend, his brother, tied up in knots. Sure, he was thinking about her like she was just a soul, a case, but that could not be all she was if she had him like this. Not with that furrow on his brow, and the way his hands were slamming into the punching bag, one after the other. No doubt, imagining Bryce, and probably Gavin too. He hadn’t even come in here like this after Noah and Ellie’s bonding announcement, and they’d all heard how Gavin had reacted to it. They’d all felt some kind of way over that, and he knew it. Damn. 

Oh yeah, he had to meet this Cat. Sure, he was always going to with Ellie getting closer to her, there was no doubt there, but he was going to make it happen sooner or later.

“You know what we haven’t done in a while?”

Noah finally spoke when Nicholas seemed to be taking a breather from his semi ranting about Cat, and this strange effect that she was having on him. Raising an eyebrow with a bit of a smile as he looked at his pseudo brother right now.

“A group movie night, pizza, beer, popcorn…”

A heavy sigh escaped Nicholas then, for a moment there he was worried that Noah was going to suggest something completely different. That he could handle, it would actually be great, a perfect kind of distraction from everything. Smiling, Nicholas nodded, maybe he was done for the day, he felt punched out now. Stepping back, he started to pull his gloves off, pulling the strap off that held the wrists on.

“That actually sounds kind of perf-”

“Any new friends that any of us have made recently.”

Only for Noah to go and ruin it before he could even finish agreeing to the plan, before he could even finish taking his gloves off even! Oh, he was going to kill him. Nicholas turned on him with a incredulous stare, he had to be joking, did he want him to lose his job, his position?!

“Are you kidding?! No! Gavin will destroy me.”

Noah just rolled his eyes, and the urge to hit him came right back to Nicholas all over again. The look on Noah’s face though, he could tell he wasn’t listening to him, the smirk as he just nodded yes, at him, yes, they were going to do this. Yes, they were going to have movie night.

“You know what, no, screw Gavin, think about Cat, she’s having enough trouble settling, you’ll be throwing so much at her all at once, just no, no Noah, NO!”

Noah just continued to smile and nod, and Nicholas threw one of his gloves right at his head.

“NO!”

He wasn’t listening.

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

[misc-obeyme]

Really random, but I think Barbatos would be very good at calming down paranoia. It's pretty obvious why; his calming presence, his calming tea, his overall comfort. While all of that is fine and dandy, I think it would also be in an "I'm the most terrifying thing in this house" type of way!

Mc being paranoid about the cursed paintings in the Demon Lord's Castle and Barbatos is just like "You need not worry about them. I am far more dangerous, and you have me on your side." This makes sense, right??? Idk, it makes sense to me.

Maybe it's because he practically raised Diavolo. Maybe it's because he's practically raising Luke, but he just has that supportive vibe!!

Same thing with anxiety. You're anxious? There's a delicious tea for that! You're not in the mood for tea? Well, I've heard mearly having someone else's presence with you could help! You don't want me near you right now? That's alright, I'll wait for you!

He definitely keeps things to help with nerves on his person at all times. He pays attention. He learns through trial and error and observations the things that help you and the things that don't. He's always there looking out for you.

Even if you're just feeling a bit down. He'll either be upfront about it and give you something to cheer you up, or out of nowhere, your favourite treat has magically appeared next to you! Or if you'd like, tell him what's wrong. He's always up for listening.

Honestly, you don't even have to be upset for him to do these things! He'd just go above and beyond whenever you are.

But really, it wouldn't take much for him to calm me down or cheer me up. Just imagine chilling in bed together, not actually doing anything yet still loving the moment. No words even need to be spoken to appreciate the romance of the moment. Just being near him would make me feel so incredibly peaceful and relaxed, I'd most definitely fall asleep.

Anywhoosies, I know this is probably a very popular thought, but I wanted to share silly style anyway!!

Also, I'm happy you think my sleep purring is adorable, I was giggling about that for awhile djwjdwk You're really fueling my late-night-scenarios-to-fall-asleep-to

This is exactly why I love Barbatos so much.

I have a lot of anxiety and I have a lot of shame and guilt around that anxiety. So I don't usually tell people when I'm anxious. I try as hard as possible to hide it.

But Barbatos is observant. And if you spend enough time with him, he'll be able to tell when you're dealing with a lot of anxiety, even if you don't say anything.

The idea that someone is paying enough attention to notice these things about you even when you try to hide it is just... top tier romance for me.

And Barb's whole thing is taking care of people. He wants people to be happy and comfortable. So I can just imagine him doing exactly what you say - kind of trial and error figuring out what works best for you when you're struggling with something.

Add to all that the fact that Barbatos is considered one of the most powerful demons in the Devildom and you've got no reason to feel anything other than calm and safe in his presence.

There's just something about knowing that the person who is being all calm and comfort with you is actually extremely dangerous and everybody else should be wary lol.

And I think it would help with any kind of issue along those lines: anxiety, paranoia, depression, etc etc. Anything where your mind is the culprit and it feels like nobody could possibly understand because they can't be inside your mind with you. Barb can see how it changes you, he can tell when you're suffering, even if you do everything you can to keep it in.

And he's going to be able to give you the space you need to be honest about it. He would sit with you, like you said, he would listen to you if you needed to just rant, he would let you cry on his shoulder if that's what helps.

He isn't afraid of your emotions. He's not going to judge you for them. He's just going to help you however he can.

So yes, I fully agree with you on all of this!

[hargrove]

「 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! I resurrected this blog at the end of 2023, but in these few months, this dash has given me more happiness than I could have imagined. honestly, I came back as a means of escape when I had a major loss in my family and just didn't want to deal with irl. and y'all have been so welcoming and so amazing, that I want to take this moment to hurl my love right in your faces!

@havvkinsqueen ➠ Victoria!!! I was so excited to learn that you were still bombing around on the dash since I last left. your heather was always a treat, but your Chrissy is such a delight and I'm so stoked to have her in Billy's life. you are an absolute gem, a POWERHOUSE of kindness and positivity. you exemplify everything the rp community should be. I type this wearing the bracelet you made for me, it gives me so much good vibes. I really am serious about running around in cosplay at a con with you this coming year. it'll be rad as hell! here's to a whole new year of crazy rp and irl shenanigans!

@zoomingupthathill ➠ I cannot describe the sheer joy I feel every time you're on my dash, Bee. from waaaaay back when I was writing Klaus and you were Katherine, to now in the ST fandom, you always leave me in awe. the love you have for your own muses is infectious and in turn, makes me love them and want the best for them. you know I don't really do exclusives, but I always considered your Max and my Billy a packaged deal. whatever your Max is going through, she can always count on my Billy to have her back. likewise, I am always there for you. you're an amazing talent and an even better friend. I look forward to a whole new year of sibling craziness, as well as other muse stuff. and good lord, CAN WE GET THIS GIRL A LUCAS??? (I'm trying my best to work on it, I am lol).

@thebabysittertm ➠ dude. friendo. bruh. stark. I don't even know where to begin. my favorite kind of rp is the slow burn stuff filled with lots of character development and headcanons and background stuff, etc. it's basically the hardest thing to find but somehow from the moment we started talking, it all just clicked. the details and thought you put into all of your muses is astounding. I adore the thought process you have in your muses' reasoning behind things. and your writing is out of this world! I feel so lucky that I get to bounce hc's and au's off you all day. all of our ideas and stuff makes me so excited and has fueled me to jump back into this hobby only 10 times harder. all your talent aside, you also an incredible friend who I'm so stoked to talk to every day. here's to a 2024 filled with our two idiots!

@malka-lisitsa ➠ how do I even begin to compliment the sheer amount of talent that exudes from you, November?? from muse development, to writing, to graphics, to server maintaining, to... I don't even know what else! seems like you can do it all! I can't lie, when I initially came back to the dash, I was shying away from any and all cross overs because I have so much anxiety in this community and wanted to keep my corner of the world super small. but your Katherine broke through and I'm so glad she did. I love how you took a character that so many people (even the freaking writers of the show!) wrote off as 2 dimensional and you give her life! layers! meaning! she never feels like a self insert style oc, but she feels so much more well rounded than any version we saw on the show. it's honestly admirable the amount of work you've put in. I'm so lucky to count myself as one of your rp partners and I can't wait to see where Billy and Kat will take us in 2024.

I unfortunately don't have the time to write a seperate message to all of the people on my dash, but I still want to tag people that bring me joy every time I see your urls. all of the following has made the past few months (that should have been dark and awful) feel bright and full of hope. I appreciate every single one of you. ➠

@vitaegratis

@edhellfire

@vcnusians

@scarednotscary

@pierprincess / @nancewheelr

@hangtenn

@calistayed

@asiphon

@nexusvcrti

@multi-royalty

@helltothefire

@mhunster

and of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't list my ride or die. the people who make tumblr rp the amazing place that it is, and people that I will cherish always, whether we're writing together or not. y'all are stuck with me! ➠ @seesgood @breakthings @mysharxna 」

[nerdygaymormon]

Catching up with Elder Kevin Hamilton

A few days before my trip to Utah, I felt inspired to give Elder Hamilton the book which contains a chapter I wrote. I immediately had an anxiety attack, but went ahead and ordered the book, summoned up my courage, and offered the book to Elder Hamilton.

After explaining the aim of the book, he said he looks forward to it, he likes reading others' perspectives. <whew>

—————————

I mentioned Elder Hamilton's talk at BYU in January and the loud criticism it received. I asked how it felt to experience all that. He spoke about how no speech he's ever given has gotten so much attention, and that he also had people send him encouraging, supportive notes, so all in all it's fine.

—————————

We moved on and the topic of transgender people came up. Elder Hamilton quoted the Handbook that we approach trans people with "an abundance of Christlike love." That's where we start! Err on the side of love, which is the way the Savior was. From there we will sort out any issues.

He mentioned a child who is going through some gender issues, and I replied that if it's a phase, then just let them go through the phase, and if it turns out not to be a phase, then that's that.

The older he gets, the more he concludes that our job is to love everyone unconditionally, to keep the commandments to the best of our abilities, and let God reconcile all things. Everything will be made right through Christ's atonement, every hurt gets healed and every injustice corrected. We should trust that the Lord loves His children.

—————————

Elder Hamilton mentioned that he doesn't see me as an advocate, rather I'm a good listener and a good student of people. I study and observe and I'm not quick to judge. I take the longer view of things with a patience that all will work out.

Elder Hamilton brought up the test in Moroni chapter 7--that which inviteth to do good is of God. Then said that the Lord puts me in places, over and over, where I can make a difference, where I can be a force for good. He sees me try to lift others and to be a blessing to them.

We spoke of Affirmation and my new role being on the Board of Directors. He said this will open a bunch of doors for me as it will introduce me to a bunch of people and a chain of events will naturally occur. He's interested to see what happens.

—————————

Elder Hamilton says that he's heard people say that the Church pushes people out, but that's not what he sees from the Seventy, apostles or First Presidency. He's not wired in at the local level, so maybe there's some of that going on.

I responded that I have a lot of privilege in my stake, I've been in stake callings for 11 years and so I'm pretty well known. Yet I still have to deal with a few situations every year and I gave him a few examples. I know I'm treated well where I live, but these kinds of things still happen.

—————————

Elder Hamilton asked if I'm committed long term to living in Florida. I shared with him how I wound up at the university where I work at because 20 years ago it was one of the few places with partner benefits and I knew I'd be safe if they found out I'm gay. Many advances have taken place since then but it feels like we're going backwards and things are becoming less safe. Those who want to not be nice feel emboldened.

Elder Hamilton commented, "Well, Utah is an option!" and mentioned the Church's support for the Marriage Equality Act and that Salt Lake City is very gay friendly. Elder Hamilton has recently moved and his neighbors across the street are a gay couple and they've become best friends. He & his wife consider them the best neighbors in the world.

—————————

Elder Hamilton asked if I served a mission and I shared the story of praying to know if God could love someone like me, and feeling that I'm loved and "not broken."

He replied that one of the most destructive things people believe is that they are damaged goods, that I am not good enough. That's not true! All are alike unto God--black & white, bond & free, male & female, straight & gay.

—————————

One reason I share on my blog about my encounters with General Authorities is so people can see how I, a gay man, get treated. I also want to share how they talk about queer topics with someone like me.

Mostly we know these people from when they speak in General Conference. They talk about doctrine and policies, and can seem harsh. I'm treated well, even by some who have a reputation for being a hardliner. Only twice have I had a bad experience. One of them mailed me an apology, the other changed his behavior and we've become friends.

[heyifinallyhaveablog]

The Defeated

Ah! Yes! I'm borderline proud of myself for finally not being lazier than I already am, and coming down to post this, and keeping my adherence to the schedule.

AND!

HAPPY DIWALI! <3

The taglist remains :D

@chaanv @vidhurvrika @bleedinknight @ambidextrousarcher @melancholicmonody @demonkidpliz @stxrrynxghts @sambhavami @alwaysthesideofwonder, and anyone else here. Lord knows how much I've forgotten, and trying to remember.

_______________________________

Fandom: Mahabharar | Star Plus Mahabharat

Pairings: Bheema/Draupadi

Warnings: Mentions of War | PTSD | Trauma | Bloodshed

Summary: The Second Pandava deals with ghosts of the War. Alone.

Disclaimer: This is entirely a work of fiction, based on an idea I had while reading C. Rajagopalachari’s version of the Mahabharata. But I do have to say this, this has a lot to offer that is different from the Mahabharata that is actually popular. I just hope that this resonates with the readers, and you read this, and find this worth your time and your feedback. Please leave a short comment or a like, whatever you may deem fit. And as always!

THANK YOU!

Note: Whatever the character says here, comes from a deep place of depression, trauma, anxiety, and a LOT of PTSD. As someone who has been through that, it might as well bring the worst, darkest, and the angstiest parts out of someone. And this guy has been through one of the bloodiest wars of all time, so there are some things that might be a little unsettling, and even illogical, considering they've literally lost everything, and are contemplating a world without war, where they might not have lost EVERYthing.

Also, please drop in with any thoughts you may have. XX

Links: Chapter 1 and Chapter 2

_________________________________

Chapter 3

The Darkness

“I bear no remorse for the deaths of ninety-nine of the Kauravas,” the anger in his voice is palpable, and tangible to the point where she could feel it bodily.

“Nor do I feel any compassion for Karna,” this time, it is her breath that hitches in her chest, as she tries not to remember the acerbic vitriol of insults he had hurled and triggered at her, “unlike The Emperor.”

“But Vikarna, Panchaali,” she feels him breaking down, “what of him?”

He isn’t the only one who breaks into smaller pieces, with every breath he took. 

“What of those young boys? What of those soldiers? What of Uncle Salya? What of those blameless people who fought with and against us?”

This is the longest that he has spoken in what seems like an eternity. 

“Did Madhusudana tell you how Abhimanyu was slain? Did he recount how Ghatotkacha had fallen? Has he ever confided in you, of The Grandsire’s pain? His remorse?”

“Five villages, Panchaali! Five villages! Five villages! Five hamlets! And we would have forgotten, perchance, if time allowed, we would even have forgiven all!”

“When have we ever been averse to a life of hardship, Krishne?” he rallies on, thunder rumbling in his voice with every syllable. 

“We would have lived on as ascetics in those villages for all I care!” Bheemasena’s voice gives in, with a note of finality, “Varanavata, The Jatugriha, probably even The Dyuta, all those years of exile, Jayadratha, Keechaka! All of it! All of them!”

“I’d have ensured full well that Dushyasana would serve me for the rest of his life! The life that I’d deign him, with his entrails intact!”

Draupadi feels her long, lustrous hair, for the first time since the War. It didn’t reek of that fiend anymore. 

“We wouldn’t have had the blood of those hordes of people on our hands,” he fell heavily in her lap, “Hundreds of thousands of them!”

“Oh Panchaali!” he sobbed helplessly, “I feel as if I’ve killed my sons! My Ghatotkacha! My Abhimanyu!”

“I’d atleast have the luxury of having some of us survive the onslaught,” she felt warm tears grace her lap, “and then-”

- “I’d felt the strength leaving my body the day Sutasoma left us, with his brothers.”

[guildtree]

EXCEPT IT'S WEDNESDAY BECAUSE I DO WHAT I WANT

Anyways, this is meant to be an opportunity for writers to do a "behind the scenes" look at one of their fanfics, something I've wanted to do for a while. I'm choosing Left Behind, my story about Taimi and Marjory becoming friends while recovering from Balthazar, because not only is it my first posted fanfic and one I still love, but because GOOD LORD does it have a story behind it.

So here's the tale: I wrote this thing in October of 2022, shortly after essentially dropping out of college. COVID had knocked me flat on my ass both mentally and physically, so I was still recovering from a pretty severe health crisis/depressive episode and had very little to do with my life. I'd started writing fiction again after a few years of not doing it at all. And then my uncle calls me up and says, "Hey, I'm going to Europe for three weeks, I know you're not busy, would you like to catsit my two kittens while I'm gone? I'll pay you." Obviously, I jumped at the chance to cuddle cute fluffy animals and earn money for it. Easy, right?

WRONG. First off, these kittens were not tiny fluffballs, they were five-month-old former-stray terrors that hadn't been fixed yet and still had tons of nervous energy. They caused chaos whenever I wasn't watching. Second, it took all of half a week for them both to somehow get sick with gonorrhea (honestly, they'd probably had it before and the symptoms just hadn't shown up yet). If you've never had to deal with two hyperactive, aggressively cuddly kittens with diarrhea ... be thankful. It was a disaster. Between taking them to the vet, giving them medicine regularly, cleaning up after them, and making sure they didn't break anything important, I wound up over at my uncle's house way more than I'd expected. Eventually, I just started dragging my laptop along so I could sit on the couch and write for hours while keeping the little fuzzy troublemakers in the corner of my eye.

I'd had the idea for Left Behind for a while - ever since I'd heard that little achievement line where Taimi mentions that Marjory's been calling her a lot and, "it seems like she's kinda lonely." (Which like, Marjory? Lonely? What? But then it clicked for me that she's not only alone, she's alone and injured, and she's probably feeling frustrated about not being able to do anything, much like Taimi has felt over several arcs, and ohhhhh... I can make them friends.) But I'd also be deluding myself if I said that nothing about my situation while writing bled into my work. I mean, I certainly had a good perspective on how much medicine sucks, and how hard being a caretaker can be, especially when the people (or cats) you're taking care of aren't cooperating! There are references to Taimi and Marjory being up at ungodly hours because I was up at ungodly hours trying to find the very small, pitch-black kitten who was hiding in the house somewhere because she really did not want to take her medicine. Some of the more out-there comedy is definitely influenced by that sleep deprivation as well.

But on a more serious note: I think the reason why my first posted story is at it's core about recovery and finding camaraderie in that recovery is because those were the things I needed at the time too. I mentioned that in October I was just starting to come out of a nasty depressive episode? I do mean just starting. I didn't feel good, I merely felt not terrible, which was a significant improvement but still didn't feel like enough. I think, consciously or not, I put a lot of my own hopes, wants, and frustrations into these characters. Hidden in Marjory's rage at feeling useless are a lot of my own frustrations about how my depressed brain simply wouldn't let me do things sometimes. In Taimi's fear of being forgotten are my own anxieties about how in taking a break from college I'd ruined my whole future. And their entire story of healing, growing closer, and finally moving on was what I wanted for myself most at that moment: a way out, a new start, and people who could understand and help me through all of that.

I wrote that entire fic over the three weeks I was catsitting, fending off kittens who wanted to step on my keyboard and chew my laptop wires the whole time. I finished a few days before my uncle was due to come home from Europe, and I was so exhausted and annoyed at that point, I was just like, "You know what, FINE, this is pretty good, why don't I post it." So I did, and then I went to go give the cats their meds and fall asleep, and when I woke up the next day there were 11 comments waiting for me, and I learned that people actually might like my writing and what I had to say. And now here we are 8 months later, I'm in a much better place, I've got a little community of friends and people who like my stuff, and writing has been a valuable hobby that brings me accomplishment and happiness. All because of my uncle's sick kittens xD

This got long, but it was a story I've wanted to tell for a while, so as always: thank you for reading.

[ridley-was-a-cat]

Fall 2023 Anime Roundup

Anime of the Season – The Yuzuki Family’s Four Sons

I don’t know if it was because this adapts a shoujo manga, or because the premiere episode aired with abysmal machine-translated subtitles, or because people just weren’t in the mood for a slice of life when all these powerhouse shounen adaptations were airing, but this went almost completely ignored across the English-speaking anime fandom despite being a delightfully heartfelt story about four brothers living on their own after their parents suddenly died.

While many stories dispense with parents just to allow their young characters the freedom to play around, this series deals with their absence in a more grounded way. It looks at how high school teacher Hayato is alienated from his peers and is running himself ragged by raising his younger brothers himself, how the middle two brothers, both first years in middle school, clash with each other in their efforts to be helpful, and how the youngest brother, who’s only in the first grade, doesn’t know how to feel about parents he lost while he was so young. All of this drama is perfectly balanced out by lighter moments of fun interactions between the brothers and the multi-generational family across the street, as well as an optimistic framing. It’s clear that whatever struggles these four brothers will encounter, they’ll pull through together somehow. 8/10

First Runner-Up – Overtake!

Just like mecha anime are rarely about the robots, this formula racing anime is less about motorsport than it is about a struggling mid-career photographer and a teenage F4 driver changing the course of each others’ lives through racing. It touches on racing in a way that’s friendly to newbie and gearhead alike, and the races are animated and framed in an exciting way, but the real story is the characters, and touches everything from grief, to job anxiety, to the enduring trauma of the Touhoku earthquake. 8/10

Second Runner-Up – My New Boss Is Goofy

While the first episode was a little weak, it gains its footing after two or three episodes, and becomes one of the warmest and coziest slice of life series of the year. Momose’s lingering anxiety from his abusive boss at his last job provides just the right amount of saltiness to keep the sweetness of his new boss, the earnestly kind but a bit airheaded Shirosaki, from feeling too saccharine. 8/10

The Faraway Paladin: The Lord of the Rust Mountains – It’s a bit of a shame that this series has not gotten a terribly good production, because it is the best D&D-flavored fantasy adventure series I think we’ve seen since Record of Lodoss War. It has a real sense of stakes and scale, where battles aren’t won on guts and the power of friendship alone, and the hero really has to work for it alongside other powerful people. 7/10

Tearmoon Empire – The do-over element of this story makes it feel like it belongs in the otome isekai bin, but it is, in fact, a straight up fantasy about a princess sent back in time to her teens after being beheaded by revolutionaries along with her diary, letting her fix what went wrong. Watching Mia accidentally set everything right and gather loyal allies was extremely entertaining. 7/10

I’m in Love with the Villainess – I’m not generally a fan of romcoms centered on an obsessive girl doggedly pursuing her crush who wants nothing to do with her, but it was all so over the top here, and also clearly a bit of a front put on by the pursuer, that I couldn’t help but enjoy the ride. It’s nice to get some good, silly queer romcoms for a change. 7/10

Dead Mount Death Play Part 2 – All of the conspiracies and schemes set up in part one come to a head here, revealing characters’ backstories and complicated loyalties. It leaves off on a good stopping point, but I hope there’s another season, as not a whole lot has been resolved, and I want to know what everyone is going to do now. 7/10

The Ancient Magus’ Bride S2 Part 2 – Whether or not you enjoy this arc is going to depend upon how much you like Philomena and the other students at the college, because she is the center of the story here, for better or worse. I preferred the focus on the fairies and other folk of the countryside in season one, but it was satisfying to watch Chise unravel the mysteries surrounding her new friends. 7/10

Migi & Dali – Part absurd comedy, part murder mystery, part psychological thriller, this was a delightfully unusual little series about identical twin boys pretending to be one person to get adopted by a couple that lives in the idyllic town their mother was murdered in so they can investigate. If you can hang with some bizarre situations, this is a fun ride that sticks the landing. 7/10

Ron Kamonohashi’s Forbidden Deductions – I don’t know how I feel about the big reveal concerning Ron’s background, and the mystery writing isn’t particularly clever, but I really enjoy the manzai comedy-like dynamic between Ron and Toto, and the cases they investigate often have equally entertaining characters. 7/10

Dr. Stone: New World Part 2 – I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to watch any more of this series, but I picked it up shortly after it finished airing, and I ended up enjoying it. Even if I prefer the science focus of the first season, the shounen adventure action of this arc was entertaining enough. I’m still just a little cranky about how none of the female characters are part of the “science team”. 7/10

Under Ninja – I guess this series about a modern-day ninja who infiltrates a high school along with other ninjas to fight some kind of inter-organizational battle falls under the dark comedy category, but I’m not going to lie and say that I totally understood what it was going for in the end. The visuals were a bit of a mixed bag as well. 7/10

Helck – It was nice to get a two-cour fantasy series that wasn’t an isekai, and had a number of creative story ideas and likeable characters. The storyboarding and animation could only be described as so-so, and a chunk of the story is told in flashback, which holds it back a bit. 7/10

Spy x Family S2 – Even more so than the second half of season one, this season felt like it was aimlessly spinning its wheels. The characters are still plenty charming, and the production is still solid, but the story lacks focus. 7/10

The Saint’s Magic Power is Omnipotent S2 – This season follows basically the same ground as the first, sans the drama with the second saint, with Sei still working at the institute, going on expeditions to fight monsters, and getting romanced by Captain Hawke. It all makes for a pleasant and laid-back isekai story, but it is disappointing to have an adult protagonist for a change, only have her act like a young teenager capable only of blushing and stammering around her crush. 7/10

Zom 100: Bucket List of the Dead – After screaming out of the gate with an extremely strong premiere episode that showed a zombie apocalypse being a welcome reprieve from corporate drudgery, the series’ story and production steadily declined, ultimately coasting into a generic shounen-style action series with one-note characters by the end. 6/10

I’m Giving the Disgraced Noble Lady I Rescued a Crash Course in Naughtiness – A powerful magician nicknamed Demon Lord rescues a woman he found on his property who is fleeing a plot in her country. It was cute watching him teach her how to have fun and be a little selfish, but nothing in the writing, acting, or visual presentation ever rises above just okay. 6/10

HYPNOSISMIC -Division Rap Battle- Rhyme Anima PLUS – There’s a lot I enjoy about this campy sci-fi series where fighting has been replaced by hypnotic hip-hop battles. The character designs are fun and colorful, the story has good twists, and the characters are entertaining. The rapping, however, is just not good. 6/10

After-School Hanako-kun – This was only four ten-minute episodes consisting of side stories, and not a sequel, and as nice as it was to see the characters again, it felt a bit aimless, like the jokes lacked punchlines. 6/10

Jujutsu Kaisen S2 – I can’t remember ever falling off a show as hard as I’ve fallen off this one. Season one was everything I ever wanted from a battle shounen, while this season took much of what I loved and sent it through a paper shredder. I won’t say it’s wrong to chain fight after fight after fight while killing off popular characters, but it’s not a story I’m interested in following. 6/10

[coffeeman777]

When I was in high school I had a teacher who bullied me, I guess, for being late to class. He’d make a big production if I got there so much as the instant the bell stopped ringing, do things like stand in the door so he could shut it in my face if I didn’t get down the hall fast enough to reach it before the bell, and a bunch of boys in the class got in on the free for all as well once they realized they wouldn’t get in any trouble for harassing me. Eventually if I thought I was going to be late I would just not go, because it was less painful then trying to go to class and being harassed and not allowed to take notes or work on any of the assignments anyway.

It was only one (not even a) year of my life but I think it affected me a lot? The thought of being late to things often brings me close to crying and it’s become habit to, if I even think I’m not going to make it in time to something, just to skip it because I’d rather deal with missing something altogether than showing up late. The problem is that this has also affected my church-going habits, in that I hardly ever go to church. I know the deep seated fear that people are going to make fun of me is probably unfounded, but in the case of church, if I miss a single week for whatever reason my fears count that as being late and then I overthink and end up too anxious to go the next week, and the next, and on. If I miss a week because say I oversleep and realize I’d be showing up halfway through the sermon, it can take me weeks or months to pluck up the courage to go back, even though I really want to, but the longer I don’t go the more I fear people will judge or make fun of me and the harder it gets and it’s already hard in the beginning. I only go to church like, between 8-14 weeks out of a given year, I believe, when I want to be going every week. It makes me afraid that I’m not really a Christian if I’m not going to church. I want to be closer to God but I don’t know how to overcome this fear. I’ve honestly had trouble with attending church since that year of high school, I think, but it’s not until the past few months that I’ve started to realize where I think some of my behaviors towards being late or missing attendance have come from.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Any kind of anxiety can be a real problem. I can say a couple of things that I hope help you out.

First, don't worry about judgement from other Christians. The Biblical command to gather together doesn't put any quotas up or bind us to any specific times. What matters is that we gather with other Christians enough to bless them, and be blessed by them. If you're going at all, that's good. And if you're going as often as you can, that's better. Do what you can do.

Second, you should look for an older Christian with some training in counseling, preferably one who's officially qualified for it, and have a talk with them about this anxiety. Also, get other Christians praying for you for healing, as you keep seeking the Lord for healing yourself. I'll pray for you, too.

I hope this helps. Be blessed!

[thatcatholictherapist]

Rebuked?

Internally I groaned and rolled my eyes. The Gospel was about calling people out for their mistakes (Mt 18:15-20). All too often I think this concept is misunderstood, leading to co-dependency and resentment. I am far more supportive of removing the beam from our own eye before pointing out the splinter in our neighbors. Alas, last Sunday was about setting other people straight. I prepared myself for a preachy homily that would go against every mental health principle for which I adhere.

Instead, I was pleasantly surprised. For the first time ever, I heard it in a different way…

First “if your brother does something wrong, go and have it out with him alone, between your two selves. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother.” (Mt 18:15) This is great advice. If you feel offended by someone, please use “I statements” and feeling words and let them know directly. If he or she can hear you and you can be reconciled to each other then rejoice! Don’t triangulate other people into your mess.

If that doesn’t work then, “take one or two others along with you…the evidence of two or three witness is required to sustain the change.” (Mt 18:16) Basically this describes an intervention. Done well, they can be a huge help for getting a member, who is so deep in an addiction, the help they need. Then they are available again for healthy relationships.

And if THAT doesn’t work then “report to the community” (Mt 18:17) I see this one like breaking the law and needing to get law enforcement involved. Drug dealing, Sex trafficking, preying on innocent children for sex, these offenses need some form of community knowledge so the community leaders guide the offender to the help they need and keep the community safe. The offenders are too far gone to know how to help themselves or protect others.

And my favorite line of all “… If he refuses to listen…treat him like a gentile or a tax collector.” (Mt 18:18) What did Jesus DO with Gentiles and Tax Collectors, people? He broke bread with them. He befriended them. He doesn’t cut them off. He doesn’t look down on them. He doesn’t sneer.

HE BUILDS A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM! Like a real one. Simply because he loved them. In fact, most accounts in the Gospel suggest He loved them more. Genuinely more. Not more with an agenda. Not more if they choose to follow the rules. Just more love, more meals, more time spent. More RELATIONSHIP. Period.

We can all take a deep breath and let ourselves off the hook for codependently trying to change our brothers and sisters. Just be with them. Get to know them. The real them. Let them get to know you. The real you. How might that change both of you? Both of you who are sinners in need of transformation.

How might that bridge gaps? Heal division? Bring about peace and unity? Bring about the kingdom of God in the here and now?

I felt excitement at the thought. Yeah God. Let’s go connect and build a community that would really be a bulwark against things like depression and anxiety. One where we could all feel love and acceptance. One where we are all working on transformation, with Jesus set up as Lord, not us.

[angeltreasure]

Hello sorry this might be really long!

but I feel like I need someone to ask to and urgent prayer and I’m really scared about how things are for me rn but I went through a horrific time in my life before I found Christ. I also had an Eating disorder at the time and it was BAD. I wasn’t coping but the Lord saved me and over time things changed, he was amazing and working on me more and I met my boyfriend *we were friends first (started attending the same church) and he had his struggles and I still have mine but we broke up after quite some time and I don’t know why, but he’s not acting very nice to me at all, so different to who I know him to be and I’m worried about seeing him at church or at friends places etc but I also got fired from my job and tbh I didn’t like it at all and wondered if I should focus on my degree since going back to study but both of these things came so suddenly and it’s hard for me to cope right now with how it feels like people don’t want me. I also have some autism that I only recently even know about which makes so much sense but I struggle dealing with change so sudden and tonight I had a complete meltdown, couldn’t talk, couldn’t communicate and couldn’t breathe well and ended up crying so hard because it feels like how it used to when I went through the trauma I did… I know God had brought me so far and he’s still here but my boyfriend knew how to make me feel comforted and stop me getting those meltdowns often and now I feel like im alone, scared and going back to things before God and I can’t keep feeling this pain over again

I will absolutely pray for you! I am always here if you need anyone to talk to, I try to check tumblr every day.

Sometimes in life, we go through bad days and horrible situations and difficult things like challenging illnesses and having our relationships fall apart before our eyes. Even though we go through the bad times, God doesn’t wait behind a wall waiting until you get better and put your life in order. God is right there in the chaos of things with you. His love is unconditional and so great. His love is bigger than our mom and dad, His love for you if bigger than any mountain height. The love He has for you outnumbers the grains of sand on every beach, every star in the sky. Before time existed, He knew you completely and had it written down in His book. You are so precious to Him. When we have our bad days, challenges to our health, difficulty with relationships, struggles with sin, struggles with the world around us, we can use these moments to seek God’s help and by doing so, we yearn for Him and grow in our love for Him. As Christians, we can use any negative event (or positive event) in our lives as a tool to help us grow closer to God. They remind us to pray and have hope.

When I feel overwhelmed, I like to pray the Rosary. The Rosary is powerful pray. It helps our mind to focus off of the anxiety around us, and helps to redirect our focus on the life of Jesus and His mother, Mary. I have used this prayer a lot in my life and it may help you too. You don’t have to be Catholic to pray it either! Anyone is welcome to pray the Rosary. You can carry the beads with you as a reminder, or a ring, a bracelet, or use your fingers.

I can’t promise everything will be fixed right away, but nothing is impossible with God. He will always love and never abandon you no matter what. I’m here for you.

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

11/2/2022 DAB Chronological Transcription

Luke 18:15-19:48

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible Chronological, I'm China. Today is the second day of November, welcome. It is so great to be here with you today. Today we are going to be in the book of Luke. We are in chapter 18, starting in verse 15, going to chapter 19, verse 48. And we are in the English Standard Version for this week.

Commentary

So, today we read Luke's standpoint, his writings, his words of what we have read already and slightly different flavors, slightly different details. But the gist of what we are reading is the same. Again, we are entering into what we call as Holy Week. And what's so interesting is I can't super think of any way to relate this, but could you imagine knowing that you're about to die and you're like trying to tie things up, like you're trying to tie up all of your quote, loose ends, you're trying to make sure that everything's good and you're trying to say everything that you feel that the Lord is giving you to say. And Jesus seems to be operating still in peace. He's not in chaos, he's not in anxiety. He is just in perfect peace. And that's incredible. I don't think I would have that if I knew what was about to happen in just a week's time or really at the end of this week. And so he's still trying to reveal to the disciples what is going to happen. And we kind of unpacked this yesterday. So it's kind of a little bit of redundancy, but we do read the story of Zacchaeus. And in my head, I definitely sing that song that we would sing in Sunday school, which is fun. It's a good story. It's just kind of like reiterating the point that Jesus chose to be with people. He chose his ministry to be with people that we as Christians, as the capital C Church, really try to avoid and that we judge that we have a negative opinion on that there's all these stones that we're throwing and this is who Jesus was constantly approaching. This is who he wanted to spend his time with. He tells Zacchaeus, hey I'm coming over. We're doing it for lunch. I'm kind of hungry. Do you have a place for me to take a nap? He doesn't say any of that, but like, I'm coming to your house. And Zacchaeus seems that he is in a heart posture to just confess his sins, really. He's like, I will make my wrongs right and I will go and sin no more. And Jesus is like, great salvation has come to this house since he is also a son of Abraham, for the son of man came to seek and to save the lost. So again, Jesus is revealing he didn't come to have fancy dinners with people of the temple, people of the law, people who that would have made sense that people were expecting. Instead, he has come to serve and to save the lost. And he made the comment of hospitals aren't for the well, they're for the sick. And so I again, am just moved by the character of Jesus and also convicted and just thinking, man, I think we've overcomplicated some things that Jesus was very clear and very simple on and also just very aware that it's not up to us to change someone. That's the Holy Spirit, that's the work of the Father, right? That's not on us. Our job is to love. Like, there's been commandments to love one another as we love ourselves. And I feel like that is such a good thing to break down. Maybe not today, but just the understanding, the concept of what it really even means to love ourselves. And we may not be able to love a neighbor very well because we're not loving ourselves well. And we're not even fully aware of the concept of how God loves us. We're not believing that he loves us. And it's kind of how one you know, we need the dominoes to all be standing up for them all to flow. But if one's out and there's a gap, like, flow is not happening. So I don't know how that got brought up, but that's the commandments of Jesus. And when I read that scripture of Zacchaeus, it just reminded me again of like, man, I think the things that we've made the big deal or the people that we have said, these are the outcasts, or these are the people we don't associate with, there's a discernment in that because I do believe who you spend your time with. If you're like, I'm going to go minister to clubs and like things that could easily pull you in, then you got to make sure, like, you're really feeling called to that. You've got to make sure that you have accountability. You got to make sure that you're going with a gameplay. You need to have wisdom, you need to have discernment because Jesus wasn't tempted by those things. But also, I don't know that there was modern day clubs in Israel. I'm trying to make a point. Maybe I'm making sense, maybe not, but use discernment with that regardless. I'm just going to put that disclaimer out there. But I'm hoping my heart is heard in this. Where the things that we have made the problem or just like the no, I don't got to worry about that. It's actually what Jesus calls us to. He calls us to take care of the widows and the orphans. He calls us to love on those who really to love on those around us as our neighbor, as ourselves. And so if we're going to take care of ourselves, then we got to take care of our neighbors and then also just praying for those who persecute us. All of these things that Jesus is saying are so good. And I'm like, man, we really claim to follow Jesus, right? We are claiming christ. We are claiming Him as our salvation, as our Lord. But what in the world where our actions are, are we following his commandments? Are we keeping his commandments? Do we even know his commandments? And are we putting them into play? Are we even considering them? And I think that's the thing that gets kind of trippy, not tricky trippy like as in we trip up on it a lot is we forget. And because we don't know God's Word, we assume what his heart would be. We would assume that he wouldn't care for these people or we just don't even really know the character of God because we don't know His Word. We're not spending time with Him. We don't hear his voice. We're far away all these things when in reality, if we read His Word, we would know.

Prayer

And so, God, I just thank you again for your word. And I thank you that even this year the Word has been seek. And I thank you that you have shown us that it's safe to trust you. When we seek you, we find you. And Jesus, I thank you that these people that you have highlighted where it is low class society or the least of these or whatever title that it would fit into, how it would translate to today, God, I pray that our hearts would be moved to care for them. And God, there's so many different ways that we can care for people and I just pray that you would place it on our hearts, move our hearts in the direction that it should go. And I pray that we would be people that bear good fruit and that we would have endurance and that we would truly do it not for satisfaction. Not for a pat on the back. Not for a recognition. Not for an article being shared about us. But we would do it knowing that it brings you glory and brings you honor and that we are being obedient to the things that you commanded us to do. And so I pray this in Your name we pray, amen.

Announcements

Dailyaudiobible.com is our website. That's a place of connections where you can see what's happening here in the community, how to get connected and stay connected. So be sure to check that out. You can also go to Facebook.com/dailyaudiobiblechronological and you can also get further connected through community. You can put a name to the face that you may be praying over or someone that has prayed over you. So be sure to use that as much or as little as you would like. If you have any prayer requests and things that we as a community can call in and pray over you, or if you hear someone's prayer and you want to call and pray with them, you can do so at 800-583-2164. And if you listen to the app, you can also record your prayers and they get sent in and played at the end of every day's podcast. That is all for today. I'm China. I love you. And I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer Line

Hi guys, it's Kate calling in. I'd like to pray for Tilly. Sir, I heard your prayer request, I think two times and I expect you to call them. The first time it was really on my heart. But sir, I've been paying for you regarding the heart rhythms and all the procedures that you've had and how exhausting that is. And to make a person very weary because it's chronic and outside of the Lord completely taking charge and healing supernaturally. We have the medical system and we have father, I lift up Tilly to you and ask you to comfort him in so many ways, his literal heart and his mind and his spirit. Just give him a father. So hard having a chronic anything chronic just all the time and sometimes worse. It is, as you know. So I do ask you to heal him. Whatever means you choose will give you the glory for that. And in the meantime, we will give you the glory for sustaining him as he deals with this affliction and exhaustion. Just Tilly. We are pulling for you, Father. Thank you that you are too, that you care for him and every thing he goes through, every thought, every feeling, difficult or emotional. Anyway, I thank you, Jared, and I ask you to heal in Jesus name. Amen.

Hi, this is Unashamed of the Gospel calling in from Pennsylvania. I was asking for one to ask for prayer for my wife who is pregnant. We have had two stillborn sons and multiple miscarriages. She goes for her twelve week checkup on November 3. Just praying for good results for that scan and a healthy pregnancy. Scary situation for us having so many miscarriages and still births. The doctors have said there's no reason why we can't have a healthy baby. So just prayers for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy wife. Thanks and have a great day.

Good morning. DABC Community. My name is Jonathan Noahabwand. I'm calling in from Uganda. This is Master Kenya listening in. I'm just super excited about how the Bible has transformed my life. I didn't know how to read the Bible had moved on so many years knowing God. But I wasn't listening, I wasn't reading the Bible at all. When the oversmic recommended me to this, I was excited. I was fascinated with what the Bible could do in my life. It really transformed me. I want to pray for you. When you had those policy, I began praying for you because I was really scared he's going to read the Bible now for us. And I'm glad God is using you and you getting better. That's what I think that you could the community could pray for me. I don't know. I didn't know. I was struggling with anxiety, fear of what I could do next. What if we can hold for me or when I read in yesterday when God was saying we don't need to worry about what to eat, what to drink, what to do next, but we got to seek the kingdom parts and all should be added. I'm learning to lean on his understanding. I love you all. Thank you.

Hi, this is Victoria Soldier, just calling to pray for some of the DABbers. I want to pray for Chastity and her son. I also want to pray for the fire. I want to also pray for Diane Olive Brown and Jeff and their blessing. And also want to pray for under construction you're going through with a family house. I pray that your desire is in the heart for you and your mom, that God will work a miracle and that you all get to keep your land of your family, that God can open doors that no man can close, that the memories will still be in your heart and that together God can bring about a food that is unbreakable. Father, we just ask you to have your weight. You bless family home. Father, in the name of Jesus you can do anything but fair lord, you help them to see what you want them to see. In the name of Jesus you bless. Lord, you blessed and her son. Lord, you have your way. Father, in the name of Jesus, you protect and you guide and you keep in your direct lord, you have your way. In the name of Jesus you touch that family, lord, you guide them and you protect them. Father, in the name of Jesus you bless that son, you bless those that are going through in their family. Lord, you bless those families, you blessing the healed. Lord, you deliver and set the captive free in the muddy name of Jesus and Lord we give you the glory and the honor and the praise in Jesus name. Have a good day. Have a greater.

[leonbloder]

The Spotlight Effect

Have you ever been in a work situation where your supervisor, a colleague, or a client asked to meet with you but didn't say what the meeting was about?

If you have, you know how disconcerting that can be. 

Perhaps you're the kind of person who doesn't get spun out by such things, and if so, I salute you.  I am not one of those people, and I've been thinking a lot lately about what that says about me. 

Over the past few years, I've decided that the best way to deal with the anxiety I feel in the aforementioned circumstances is to simply ask people to share why they want to meet.  

This way, I can begin thinking about how the meeting will go, what I might offer, how to prepare for possible questions, etc. 

It also keeps me from spinning about the meeting and what it might be about because I often expect the worst-case scenarios, even when it isn't warranted.  

I can't tell you how many times I've lost sleep over situations like this, only to discover that the person wanted to meet with me to ask for advice, tell me about something going on in their life, or quite simply share something good. 

So where does this come from?  What makes those of us who struggle with this kind of anxiety get worked up about things like this?  

I think it has something to do with a term in social psychology called "the spotlight effect."  

The "spotlight effect" refers to our tendency to overestimate how much others think about or notice us. When dealing with the spotlight effect, we often project our fears and worries onto others.  

And we can also project our own hubris as well.  

The reality is that everyone is so concerned about their own problems/life that they rarely, if ever, spend much time thinking about ours.

But we think they are and often let our imagination run wild as a result.  

As Fr. Richard Rohr once wrote, we tend to see the world "as we are," which can be problematic if we struggle with insecurities or feelings of guilt over the way we see ourselves. 

One of the many things that Jesus taught was that we should look out into the world with "singleness" or, more accurately translated from the Greek, with "openness."  

His teaching was that when our vision for the world is clear, we let in light, and the light within us enables us to have a clearer picture of what God is doing around us.  

When we live this way, we stop worrying so much about what others might or might not say, and we can approach every encounter with another person with a sense of hopefulness and joy.  

And even in those situations where we get blindsided by someone who might say unfair, critical, or hurtful things to us, we can more easily find peace and compassion as we realize that hurting people hurts people. 

Or we might discover that there are lessons that we need to learn in our painful encounters that could help make us better versions of ourselves.  

May it be so for us all.  And may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with us all, now and forever.  Amen.