#love and peace will exist whether u see it or not

[kidfoundonstreets]

plopsface into the GROUND!!

[g1rld1ary]

omg hiiiiii! just saw your requests opened, so excited! i was hoping you could write something for lockwood with the enemies to lovers trope. anything you feel like with that is awesome! and ofc if you don’t want to feel free to not write it 🩷🩷

-mel

what once was ; anthony lockwood x reader

➻ synopsis: you and lockwood hated each other, you had since you were just starting out as agents. when your team is made to work with his on a big case, deeper feelings might just get revealed

➻ word count: 10K (exactly, what are the chances?)

➻ warnings: swearing, mentions of kissing, angst maybe?, injuries

➻ thank u so much for this request lovely!!!! i am SO sorry this took almost a month, but it's the longest fic I've ever posted here so hopefully that makes up for it a little?? if this isn't what u had in mind pls let me know and I'd be happy to write something different! ik it might not be exactly enemies to lovers but I hateee when the dynamic has no respect or reason to be lovers. anyway thank u for the request lolol!!!! xxxxx

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You thought you were a good person. You dedicated your life to fighting ghosts, you helped old ladies cross the street, you recycled when you could. That was enough to be considered a good person, right? You were almost totally convinced, except for the all the vile things you had to say about Anthony Lockwood.

He was, with no exaggeration, the bane of your existence. You had known him all your life, but hadn’t been friends with him since you were both twelve, just beginner agents. And yet, despite all of this hatred burning up within you, it seemed like the universe wouldn’t give you a moment of peace.

You understood running into his company every once in a while — agency events, maybe the occasional case, but lately it seemed like it was every week you had to face Lockwood’s nauseating grin and infuriating attempts at being charming. Whether it was your respective teams being sent on overlapping missions, picking up more supplies or just trying to pick up a coffee after a draining night, you had started to see Lockwood everywhere.

When you saw him again whilst you were picking up some doughnuts for your team you couldn’t help yourself snapping at him.

“God, are you obsessed with me or something, Anthony?” You barely spared him a glance as you finished the transaction with the cashier, quietly thanking him as you left. Lockwood did the same, practically throwing down his cash to catch up to you.

“You wish I was obsessed with you! I am just as unhappy as you are, trust me.”

“So what, you chased after me just say something we both already knew? Or do you have something you’d like to say, an apology perhaps?” You chanced a look in his eyes. Hurt flashed through them, and you felt a sick sense of satisfaction.

“I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He cried, almost dropping his own box of pastries when he ran a hand through his hair in frustration. You didn’t try to hide the rolling of your eyes.

“Whatever,” You huffed, before being struck with an idea. “By the way, did you hear that I’m now a team leader? That makes me the youngest in at least ten years — maybe ever. Pretty good for someone not fit to be an agent, don’t you think?” You feigned an interest in his opinion. His face dropped for a moment, then contorted to become almost polite.

“That was never—” You interrupted him with another sigh.

“Anthony, I really don’t care to listen to you discredit my achievements anymore.” You left him on the side of the street, marching back to your dorm at Fittes. You didn’t need to hear him tear you down and ruin your self-confidence more than he already had — not that you would ever tell him that. Lockwood was similarly disgruntled. Every interaction between you two turned into a fight regardless of what he said; he just couldn’t win.

You had a week of blissful distance from Lockwood and Co before you ran into them, quite unfortunately. You and your team had been assigned to an apartment that allegedly housed a few Type Ones, nothing serious but the residents had complained of hearing noises at odd hours. You held a bit of doubt — living in the dorms had forced you to become accustomed to the most bizarre noises at night, and those were most definitely not ghosts. Plus, adults tended to be paranoid; the noise could be anything from rodents to their little children being awake in the early hours of the morning.

Still, you had a job to complete, so you trudged your small team up to the apartment in question, ready for a quick job and to be cozy in bed before midnight. When Lockwood and Co were standing outside the apartment next to your appointed one, your face dropped into a scowl.

“What are you doing here?” You snapped, talking directly to Lockwood. He hesitated for a moment before turning to face you, brilliant smile shining.

“Lovely to see you again too, sweetheart, we’re actually here on a job? Nice of you to come as our clean-up crew, but that really won’t be necessary. Run along now.” You had to hand it to him, Lockwood had perfected his condescending tone. You were going to respond when the girl behind him began to talk.

“Hey, I recognise you! You’re—” Lockwood cut her off quickly.

“Alright, Luce, I think it’s time we go inside, don’t you?” He was shepherding the girl through the apartment door before you could process what was happening. George, to his credit, looked highly amused at the whole thing. You always liked George, even when he was at Fittes, and seeing him was usually the only upside to your interactions with Lockwood and Co.

“Who’s the girl?” You asked, nodding your head to where she and Lockwood had disappeared to.

“Lucy Carlyle,” He answered, “She’s a Listener — still learning the ropes.”

“And she knows me how?” George just smiled, and you could tell he was keeping secrets.

“I’m sure you’ll find out one day.” He began to follow the rest of his coworkers and you pouted.

“I hate when you side with him!” You called after him, before composing yourself and directing your own team to start the night. They just went along with it, used to your behaviour, and set up your equipment for the mission.

It was not going well. You could all feel a supernatural presence, but no ghosts and no signs of what you’d thought might’ve been the source. Plus, all you could hear was the apartment next door — their stompy footsteps, their laughter over the tea you knew they always had, and one of them wouldn’t stop knocking on the fucking wall.

It was supremely childish, and you would put all of your bets on it being Lockwood trying to throw you off your game. Unfortunately, it was working. And your bad mood was spreading to your teammates. The mission was certainly not going well, all four of you picking fights and throwing digs at each other as you searched uselessly for what could possible be the source, all with no confirmed supernatural presence.

Just as you were about to say something really cruel to your favourite member of your team, the words died in your throat. The temperature rose a few degrees, and you could practically see all your negative thoughts floating away. By the looks of it, your teammates all felt it too. When the freezing shock of the change wore off, you all resigned to embarrassment, realising exactly what had just happened.

This was only furthered when Lockwood waltzed into the apartment, cocky grin practically blinding you.

“Guess that another successful mission for Lockwood and Co now includes saving the careers of egotistical Fittes agents too now,” He crowed, and you rolled your eyes so hard you thought they might disconnect from your face.

“Clearly,” You tried to keep your tone level, “The source wasn’t in this apartment, so we couldn’t have found it regardless of if you were here.”

“Plus they were just Type Ones. You didn’t save any lives, Lockwood,” Your best friend, Sarah, piped up and you smirked.

“Maybe not in the physical sense,” He conceded, “But I definitely saved the career of the ‘youngest ever team leader’ — don’t think you would’ve kept the position for very long if you couldn’t fight a simple Type One.” You turned red in humiliation. How dare Lockwood act so high and mighty, like you owed him the career you fought so hard for? You wanted to express all the seething fury that burned your tongue, but the only thing that came out was a vicious declaration.

“I hate you, Anthony Lockwood.” Lockwood at least had the decency to look somewhat hurt. Although you’d been arguing for years with the insults only getting meaner as you both grew up and developed more precise vocabularies, neither of you had ever vocalised any hatred before. It cut deeper than Lockwood thought it would. You didn’t wait to observe the intricacies of his reaction, storming out of the apartment, making sure your kit bag hit him heavily as you passed.

“Well,” Lockwood broke the awkward silence that fell over the apartment, “I think we’re all done for the night. Let’s go.” Lockwood and Co began packing up their kit bags and gear, Lucy sweeping some leftover magnesium dust under an armchair. Lockwood paused in the doorway, looking back to Sarah with a curious softness.

“Make sure she’s alright, yeah?” Sarah nodded, swallowing a curious look. With a final nod he was gone, leaving the rest of your team to wonder what had just happened to shift the dynamic.

Back in your dorm at Fittes, you were still fired up. Pissed off by Lockwood’s ego, his audacity, you had practically already paced a hole in the floor upon your short return from dinner. All of these years and he still didn’t believe you were a capable agent, let alone team leader! You may not have really hated him; it was hard to truly hate someone who you shared so much history with, but you were glad you said it. Glad you hurt him, even a little. Maybe then he’d know how you felt.

He had — probably unwittingly — saved you arse though. It was one of your very first missions and unfortunately Lockwood was right; a team leader who couldn’t defeat a simple Type One, or realise that their case was a goose chase in the wrong apartment, wouldn’t last. So although he was the one who had told you you couldn’t be an agent in the first place, you probably owed your current position to him, which only mad you more mad. It was an endless cycle of being angry at Anthony Lockwood.

When Sarah came in to sit on your bed, you still weren’t done, taking the opportunity to verbalise your stream of thought.

“He is simply the worst person in the whole world and has no respect for me! I mean, he wouldn’t have helped at all if it didn’t serve his own inflated ego ,” You said, throwing your hands in the air in anguish. Sarah simply watched, barely concealing her amusement.

“Ok, but have you considered maybe he just argues back because you hate him? I mean, where did it start?” You huffed, vaulting yourself back onto your mattress.

“When we were twelve years old, he told me I couldn’t be an agent. I said ‘fuck you’ and have worked my bloody arse off to be one despite it, and to become the youngest team leader at Fittes, and yet every time I see him he still tries to sabotage my career or make me look stupid! God, he drives me up the wall!”

“So you’ve said all these horrid things because he didn’t believe in you?” She laughed a little, eliciting a deep frown from you.

“You don’t get it,” You said, tone solemn, “He was my best friend. He was supposed to believe in me even when everyone else said it was dumb.” The dampened mood brought a premature end to your conversation, Sarah leaving you to your thoughts and feelings as you dwelled on the past in a way you would usually forbid yourself from.

You pulled a framed photo out from behind your stack of books on the shelf. You and Lockwood as children, smiling brightly on a day at the beach, a spade in your hand and a bucket in his, your free ones intertwined as kids often do. You didn’t know why you’d kept it after all these years, looking at any photo of Lockwood typically made you mad, but you felt a bit guilty discarding the keepsake, especially the handmade frame his parents had given you one birthday before they passed. Plus, the memory untouched was one of your favourites — one of the last of your carefree days in childhood when you and Lockwood were best friends and both your families were whole. You held it softly for a moment, indulging yourself in being swept away by memories before deciding enough was enough and returning to the present, distracting yourself with a novel you’d picked up.

You were given a few weeks to cool down, blissfully free from any trace of Lockwood. You thought he must’ve been aware of the heightened tension between you recently, since you’d seen Lucy shopping around Arif’s and ran into George whilst getting your usual Friday night takeaway.

Hearing your name being called from around the corner of an aisle you turned quickly, reflexes on edge. Seeing it was just the redhead you relaxed, making yourself smile.

“Oh, hi, Lucy. How are you?” You made polite conversation, continuing on with your shopping. She replied cordially, a vague awkward air between you that you were both trying your best to overcome.

“We’re all really sorry about the case the other day, by the way. We didn’t mean to take it over or jeopardise your job or anything.”

“It’s nothing,” You assured, “I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the best of me, every agent knows that.”

“Yeah, but if Lockwood hadn’t—”

“Lucy,” You interrupted, “You don’t need to condemn Lockwood, or defend him. We both know where we stand with each other and that’s ok. I hope that doesn’t stop us from being friends either; you’re sweet.” Lucy managed a smile, revealing a pretty sparkle in her eye.

“I’d like to be friends too. Maybe we just won’t tell him,” She giggled, and you nodded gravely.

“Sounds like a plan.” You left Arif’s with a bag full of groceries and plan for coffee sometime.

George was less forgiving than Lucy. As you bickered over who got the last can of Coke in the restaurant’s little fridge, he imparted some of his very much unwanted advice.

“You should apologise. I think you crossed a line,” He said and you rolled your eyes.

“He questioned my right to even be where I am — I think I have the right to be pissed at him.”

“He didn’t mean it,” George said quickly. Almost too quickly.

“How would you know?” You narrowed your eyes. George recoiled — he’d been caught.

“You know,” He trailed off, “Lockwood’s not like that. You should know that better than anyone.” You huffed again, fed up.

“I knew,” You corrected, “He’s shown me exactly how he feels about me now. And I am absolutely fine with that. I’m taking the Coke.” You ended the conversation abruptly, snatching the can out of George’s grip.

“But Lockwood doesn’t like any of the other flavours!” He called after you. You exaggerated a laugh, not looking back as you opened the restaurant door quickly.

“I know!” You yelled over your shoulder. George watched you leave, calculating look in his eyes. You said you hated Lockwood, he didn’t doubt you believed it, too. But he knew that most people didn’t remember which fizzy drinks their enemies liked.

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Thankfully, you got just the distraction you needed. Your team had been given one of the most exciting cases on the Fittes roster. One of those old boutique hotels with funnily named rooms and a long, terrible history that had you buried in fascinating research. You couldn’t believe your team had been given the assignment, it was a sign that you were really beginning to be respected as a team leader in the agency. So, you couldn’t screw it up.

You and your team had been practically camped out in the Fittes archives, researching as much as you possibly could about the old hotel. There were a smattering of unfortunate deaths across the years — some darker than others, but you were confident it was nothing you couldn’t handle. The owners hadn’t specified exactly what supernatural experiences they had seen around the hotel, just that it was clear there were several presences around and they wanted them all gone to reopen the hotel as soon as possible. This did admittedly make you a little apprehensive — you didn’t actually have a solid idea of how many ghosts you’d be dealing with, and it was anyone’s guess how many of them would be Type Twos.

Finally, you were confident you and your team had done as much research as you could, and you were prepared for anything. And so you packed your kit bags, took the train ride and rocked up to the hotel mid afternoon, confidence overflowing. By nightfall you’d been on a tour of the grounds, set up your base and had started brewing some tea to get you all in the zone. You took a glance out the front window, seeing movement in one of the windows of the house next door. It was owned by the people who ran the hotel and they intended to open it as a second venue, but delegated the job to some smaller agency since the stakes for it weren’t as high.

It was all going well for a while. You had a plan to go room by room, making each ghost free before finishing in the majorly haunted kitchen. You were inclined to believe there’d be a cluster of Type Twos there since it was set alight years ago, and the accident had been swept under the rug in favour of saving the business.

The entryway was easy; a few Type Ones that practically led you their sources, clearly just wanting to finally be laid to rest. There was one nasty Limbless that gave you all a fright, but your researcher, Ben, was always miles ahead of the rest of you and knew exactly who the ghost was and therefore how to put him to rest. You told him you owed him a beer later and moved on, crossing a single room off the floor plan and shifting into the library, which was not so easy.

You started to think things were not as great as you originally anticipated when you turned to face the mass of Type Ones. Not the end of the world, a little bloody annoying though. Sarah seemed to agree, kicking the leg of a couch in frustration. The four of you figured your way out of it, though significantly depleted of supplies.

You returned to your home base to recoup, physically and mentally battered.

“What’s the plan?” Sarah asked, chugging down mouthfuls from her water bottle. You bit the inside of your cheek as you thought hard, tapping your fingers insistently on the old wooden table.

“Alright, I think we’ve got enough for one more safely. Kyan, you go outside and get the rest of our equipment whilst we hit the second bedroom.”

“If we’re right then there should only be the one ghost there, right? The strangled woman?” You nodded in response to Ben, mentally drawing your plan.

“And if you’re wrong?” Kyan asked.

“We won’t be,” You affirmed, tapping twice on the table to get you all moving.

Kyan left the building to go fetch the spare supplies and the remaining three of you ventured into the second bedroom. Everything was as it should be; lower temperature, creeping feelings of unease and miasma. You’d put together your chain circle and were feeling good about the Type Two woman you were facing, well, as good as you could in those circumstances.

That was, until it wasn’t just one Type Two. Despite the research and preparation you’d undertaken, there was definitely more than one Type Two enraged by your presence in the room at that moment. There was the woman, an angry apparition of some sort — you didn’t have the time to exactly figure out which subtype she fell into when a man also appeared. Shit. He wasted no time showing you he was aggressive too, and your heart sunk into your toes.

Doing some quick mental calculations, you announced the new plan — to get out. As team leader, you refused to be responsible for an injury or something worse because you wouldn’t back down when you knew you didn’t have enough defences left.

“Soon as it’s safe, get the fuck out of here,” You said, feeling to make sure they were still both in the circle with you as you stood with backs inward. “Use your defences as liberally as you feel you need to — we’re all getting out of here tonight.”

“What about the sources?” Sarah asked nervously, “We’ve only got one or two so far.”

“Who cares? Most agencies get one or two a mission and we’re in a giant bloody hotel. We’ve got more nights to get this done. We can’t get it done if you lot go off and die, can we?” Ben shrugged.

“S’pose not. Let’s go.” With that the three of you made a run for it, bolting out the bedroom door and into the corridor.

“Oh fuck!” You yelled, dodging out the way of another phantom headed your way. Evidently your previous endeavours had attracted the attention of some of the other ghosts inhabiting the hotel, none looking all that happy.

Your swear words didn’t falter as you continued the escape, ducking and jumping and making an utter fool of yourself to ensure you all made it out alive. You’d been covered by Sarah a few minutes ago with one of her magnesium flares, and so returned the favour without hesitation, only faltering slightly when you realised it was your last. You tried not to worry about it too much, you were nearing the laundry where there was a back door you could get to.

The closer you got to your escape the fewer visible apparitions there were. That was a good thing, your chances of ghost touch reducing greatly. However, that didn’t mean you weren’t still being hunted. A poltergeist had found you somewhere along the way, and the stream of things being thrown at you hadn’t ended yet. You’d vaguely felt something heavy hitting the back of your head and shoulders, but the adrenaline pumping through your veins was withholding the pain for the moment.

You’d crossed the threshold into the laundry, the back door within your sights. Maybe you got complacent, believing the end was nearer than you thought. Maybe it was just awful timing. However, as your feet hit the tiles of the room, you were being swept off your feet by the washing machine sliding into you, crushing you between it and the wall. You cried out unintentionally, feeling a sickening crack inside your chest. Your teammates turned back, door wide open and safety in sight.

“Don’t you dare come back for me,” You croaked, the wind pushed out of you. “Or I swear to God I’ll come and haunt you.” Ben took the threat and ran, ducking out the door into the fresh air of the night. Sarah hesitated, turning back to lock eyes with you, regret painted across her features. With a final threat she left too, leaving you to try and push the machine away from you in order to make your own escape. However, in an unfortunate series of events, the adrenaline started to wear off after your chase and you felt the sharp pain running along your skull, a thick drop of blood making its way down from a strand of hair into your left eye. Plus, you were pretty sure the machine had broken one of your wrists as any pressure you put onto it trying to move the machine set your nerves on fire, leaving you just your legs to try and make an escape. Turns out it’s harder than it looks to push a stupidly heavy washing machine away from you with your legs when you’re incapacitated on the floor.

Seeing your best friend the strangled woman approaching you sighed, trying to resign yourself to your fate. There was no way you were making it out without a miracle, and you were never the lucky kind. As she spotted you, you sealed your eyes tightly closed, unwilling to watch your own demise. It never came. When you chanced one eye open all you saw was sparks, the unmistakeable smell of a magnesium flare filling the room. You didn’t know what to feel. Relieved, of course, pissed off that your team had disrespected your wishes and endangered themselves, faint from the adrenaline and blood loss. Mostly faint, you decided, as you lay your head back against the tile, a sleep sounding like the nicest thing in the world suddenly.

You must have passed out for a minute or two as when you opened your eyes again you were in the air, distant voices yelling over the explosions and lights, but you felt a million miles away. You cuddled yourself into the body of whoever was carrying you — they were warm and your body felt ice cold. Everywhere you looked appeared blurry (and slightly pink, presumably from the blood in your eye), so you granted yourself some mercy and simply closed them. You thought you heard a mumbled “Hold on for me,” But you couldn’t be sure, everything was ringing in your head and the weight of staying awake was heavy on your foggy brain.

The next time you woke up was about half an hour later, or so you guessed. The sky was fractionally lighter than you remembered seeing, inching towards dawn, and you were laid down on dewey wet grass. The cool of it was nice on your skin, though you knew it would do major damage to your hair. Not that that was your greatest concern at the moment. You pushed yourself up on your elbows slowly, looking around at the scene that was coming into focus. Your team were on one side of you, looking exhausted but mostly physically fine. Straight ahead of you was Barnes, not looking as disappointed as you thought he would after a failed case. To your left was Lockwood and Co. Why were Lockwood and Co here? Why was Lockwood looking at you so intently, and why did he look like he was worried about you?

Only the first of your questions was answered. Evidently Lockwood and Co were the ‘small agency’ the hotel owners had given a chance for the smaller house on the edge of the property. They heard the commotion your team had made and Sarah’s screaming outside the kitchen door and came to save the day — of course. You were about to put up the protest that you didn’t need saving but it died in your throat when you saw the serious looks of everyone around you. Clearly this wasn’t the time for any of your bullshit.

“Clearly this case is bigger than your team can achieve,” Barnes said, and the fire was reignited within you. He must have been able to see what you were going to say and cut you off, “But I’m not taking you off the case.”

“Thank you,” You said quickly, tension in your shoulders releasing slightly.

“Lockwood and Co will work with you until the hotel is ghost free.”

“What?” You and Lockwood cried in unison, and you felt his eyes fall back on you. You refused to meet his gaze.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Sir—” You started, being cut off by Lockwood.

“We don’t work well together—”

“I happen to know you both need this case, or do you not care about the future of your jobs?” Barnes raised an eyebrow in the intimidating way only he could pull off. He had you there. Failing in a case, especially one that resulted in a near death experience would certainly jeopardise your trajectory at Fittes, and, unbeknownst to you, Lockwood and Co were pretty desperate for some good representation, unable to receive the praise deserved from the Combe Carey Hall case. You looked at Lockwood to find him already searching your face. After a moment of silent arguing between the two of you, you turned back to face Barnes, exaggerated smiles on both your faces.

“We’ll do it.” You smiled sweetly. A few more formalities sent Barnes and the other DEPRAC officer off, and only the two teams were left standing around, shifting uncomfortably under the weight of all the kit bags.

“So what do we do now?” Sarah asked, a thought very similar to the ones bouncing around your head at the moment.

“Breakfast?” George suggested, and you didn’t think you’d ever seen your team agree to something so enthusiastically. The group of you all headed back to the train station, but Lockwood didn’t let you continue in the line to get your ticket. Instead he pulled you away from the crowd, seeming to have already told Lucy what was happening, judging from her cheerful wave goodbye.

You glared at him, yanking your arm away then groaning at the pain.

“What are we doing, Lockwood?” You asked with an exaggerated huff.

“We’re going to the hospital,” He said, unbothered by your protests. “And don’t say you’re fine because it’s clear you’re injured. I’d say a broken wrist, concussion and maybe a cracked rib, but we can let the doctors tell us I’m wrong, I’d be happy for them to tell you otherwise.” That shut you up, not least because you knew he was probably right. You’d been given a shot of adrenaline and a few painkillers by the DEPRAC officer who accompanied Barnes over, but you probably did need actual medical attention.

It was a very awkward cab ride to the local hospital. You and Lockwood were so used to arguing by now that silence felt like the only other viable option. You couldn’t make small talk, what would you even talk about? The only thing you knew about his life was his childhood, and you sure as hell weren’t gonna talk about that. The tension was palpable in the backseat, and when the cab driver wished you good luck for the hospital visit, you figured he didn’t just mean because of your injuries. You did force yourself to thank Lockwood when he paid for the ride though, even if it was just for the sake of the day moving on faster.

At least the waiting room created its own noise; beeping and chattering and footsteps filling the silence between you two. You struggled with the form in front of you, inconveniently having your dominant hand be out of working order. You painfully etched out your information over an embarrassing amount of time before Lockwood huffed loudly and snatched the clipboard from your lap.

“Fuck’s sake,” He muttered, pulling his own pen from his suit pocket, beginning to scribble down the answers for you. You just relaxed, your tired, drug-addled brain being allowed to rest for a moment. It wasn’t until he asked about your health insurance that you fully realised he was answering the questions by memory and forced your eyes to focus on the paper. Sure enough he’d gotten it all right, birthday and middle name included. You glanced up at him curiously, but it seemed like this was the moment he refused to make eye contact. You only had to inform him of things that had changed since you’d fallen out, neither of you verbalising that fact.

Things didn’t change when you were called into the doctor’s office either. The mix of pain, medicine and sleep deprivation led you to embrace the exam table and bordered on falling asleep as Lockwood talked for you. He’d gotten the rundown of the actual events from Sarah and his brief moments when he saved you, and explained the night as you got an x-ray for your hand. Plus, as you were waiting for the cast (it was, in fact, broken), he explained your previous medical history — the knee you dislocated when you were nine and the broken pinky finger from the year after. You only had to participate to explain the injuries you’d acquired during your career as an agent; the ones from after you and Lockwood stopped being friends.

The whole trip was extremely bizarre and slightly unnerving, and you were glad to get on the train on the way back.

“You were wrong about one thing,” You said, pulling out your walkman from your kit bag.

“And what’s that?” Lockwood asked, and you got the impression he was bracing to be yelled at again — you felt almost bad.

“No cracked rib for me.” You grinned, beginning to laugh uncharacteristically. You didn’t know why, it really wasn’t that funny, but Lockwood followed suit soon after. The two of you laughed borderline hysterically, much too energetic for that hour of the morning when everyone else was still heading to work. It only tapered off when your poor ribs couldn’t take it anymore (not broken but aggressively bruised), and the two of you fell back into silence. You had your music and Lockwood had a magazine you suspected he’d stolen from the A+E waiting room.

The only other time you spoke during the trip was when you summoned the courage to utter a somewhat genuine “Thank you.”

“What?”

“Thanks. For not letting me die. And stuff.”

“Oh. You’re welcome,” Lockwood shot you a smile, the glowing kind you rarely got to see anymore.

As you got back to London and closer to Portland Row where your team was waiting, the air seemed to get thicker between the two of you once again. Maybe it was the proximity to the things that had torn you apart or the sense that you had predefined roles to play, but the carefree air between you had dissipated, leaving only the familiar tension that had been building over the last four years.

You followed Lockwood inside, trying to hide the out of body experience you were having returning to his family home after so many years. It had changed a little, of course, but still felt overwhelmingly the same, which both scared and comforted you. All the freaky foreign ghost hunting objects still littered the shelves, and you took the liberty of admiring them once again, remembering the stories Lockwood’s parents would tell about them and the adventures they’d had when collecting them. In your periphery you saw Lockwood hurriedly grab something off the wall by the stairs, shoving it in a drawer, but you really had no interest, choosing instead to reacquaint yourself with the house. The glimpse you got up the stairs showed a myriad of framed pictures of Lockwood and you scoffed — of course his ego would be on full display within his own home.

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆

It was surprisingly easy to get into the groove of working with Lockwood and Co. Obviously you already liked George and Lucy, but your team seemed to work unexpectedly well with theirs. You and Lockwood stayed out of each other’s ways, the few times you were left to work together resulting in another stupid argument. The first time when you thought he was calling you dumb, the second over something minuscule; who’d let the tea brew too long so it tasted shit. And then who had to subsequently get up and make the next pot. Despite both of you honestly trying to be professional and get on with the job, it was agreed by everyone that it was simply easiest to keep the two of you apart as much as possible.

However, when the hotel owners wanted the leaders of both teams to meet up for updates on the case, you couldn’t get out of it. The day wasn’t looking good. You’d shown up to Portland Row so you could get a cab together — the meeting being dinner in central London, and had already argued with him over his choice of socks. In your defence, the powder blue socks matching your dress did make it look like you were a high school couple trying to match at a formal! However, George had rolled his eyes and pushed the two of you back out and towards the waiting cab, effectively ending that argument. You’d also teased Lockwood for bringing his rapier to a business dinner, but that was neither here nor there.

You’d held it together for most of the dinner, both of you putting on your best fronts and using your most formal tones to convince the elder couple that you were confident about the case. You found yourself kicking his shins to stop Lockwood from making promises you couldn’t keep regarding the case, and he got you back with condescending remarks, correcting you when he disagreed with how you presented the case. Altogether though you thought you were pretty subtle, and the two of you were presenting a model image of your respective companies.

However, when you shot Lockwood one of your saccharine smiles under the pretence of friendliness — he’d just undermined your authority again and stolen the best piece of dessert that you were going for, as if he didn’t torture you enough — you were shocked to hear the woman across from you laugh.

“It’s so wonderful to see you two bicker like an old married couple,” She giggled, and both you and Lockwood’s jaws dropped. “I mean, it just seems so dismal to be dating in these times, but you two give me hope that the future generations will still be able find love despite the Problem.”

“And clearly you’re both sensible kids, which is very important for a lasting relationship. Working for two different agencies would surely diffuse tensions around all those dangerous missions and such you agents partake in — except for this one, of course,” Her husband chimed in, jolly glint in his eyes.

“Yes, yes, but it’s important to remember to be kids as much as you can. But you two playing footsies all night has proved that you’ve got that covered too. Silliness is just as crucial as being sensible, it’s how a marriage stays fun. We would know, we’ve had fifty odd years of it!”

You didn’t know how to react, and by the looks of it, Lockwood didn’t know either with his signature smile frozen on his face. First of all, you were not playing footsies with Anthony Lockwood — the bruise forming under his trouser leg was testament to that. Second of all, you had no idea how the woman could get your dynamic so incredibly wrong. Aside from all of Lockwood’s double edged comments and cocky corrections of basically anything you said, the two of you had hardly addressed each other directly all night, you might as well have been strangers!

The dinner wrapped up very soon after. The couple had taken a liking to you both and so trusted your teams to handle the case as you saw fit, only making you promise to take a romantic weekend getaway (or honeymoon! As the woman had remarked optimistically) to the hotel once it was completely ghost-free and renovated. For once you were glad that Lockwood was unable to ever shut up as he took the lead, seeming to believe that corroborating their assumption was the best choice in your situation. You weren’t sure you were entirely comfortable with lying to this sweet old couple, but you couldn’t deny that Lockwood was a better talker than you, and would probably handle the situation with more delicacy.

That was how you ended up being led out of the restaurant with Lockwood’s hand on the small of your back. You wondered if he’d ever done this before, and you didn’t know if you meant for a real or pretend relationship. You both said your goodbyes to the couple, flattered by the abundance of compliments they paid you — both personally and professionally, assuring you they were overjoyed to have your teams work the case. Just before they stepped into the cab the woman took you aside.

“Hold onto a boy who looks at you like that,” She said, “You might fight, but when he’s this in awe of you, you’ll find a way to make it work.” You didn’t know how to respond to that and so simply nodded, offering a weak smile as she slid into the back seat of the taxi.

That left you and Lockwood alone. You just looked at each other for a moment, unsure of how to proceed.

“Do you mind if we walk home? I really fancy some air right now.” Lockwood easily agreed, looking rather flustered himself, and off the two of you went into the night.

Neither of you spoke for a while, but you could tell he wanted to. Lockwood always chewed his lip when he was holding something back, he had since he was a child. You sighed and asked him, knowing it was the only way to make the habit go away.

“Nothing,” He said, “Just weird. Don’t you think?”

“Nah,” You lied, “Old people just say things like that all the time. They don’t care to know the full picture.”

“Which is?”

“We hate each other.” Hurt flashed through his eyes, but it didn’t make you feel as good as it did the first time you’d said it.

“I don’t hate you,” He said quietly, almost a whisper.

“What?”

“I don’t hate you. We don’t get along anymore, but I don’t hate you. I hope you know that.” You faltered for a second. Had his use of ‘anymore’ been intentional to create a stabbing feeling in your gut?

“Oh. I guess I don’t really hate you either, if we’re getting sappy about it.” You tried to diffuse the tension growing between you, not wanting it to evolve into a discussion about what estranged you in the first place. Lockwood refused to apologise and you refused to forget, resulting in the bitter stalemate you’d been locked in for the past few years.

Your distraction came with a glance over Lockwood’s shoulder, and the wisp of a phantom coming into view. Lockwood was trying to continue the conversation about your developing relationship, but stopped when he noticed you frozen beside him. Turning slowly he swore when he saw the ghost, going straight for his rapier.

“Put your hand into my coat pocket,” He said, effectively drawing you from your freeze.

“Excuse me?” You whisper-yelled, not in the mood for him to try and lighten the mood with whatever dumb joke he was trying to make.

“Just trust me, I have flares in the inside pocket, just reach in and grab them to defend yourself whilst I keep an eye on them.” Them? You wondered until you looked around, seeing other ghosts start to emerge from the shadows, attracted by the scene you were obviously creating. You wasted no more time, ignoring the intimacy of reaching into Lockwood’s jacket, grabbing yourself a flare for each hand. With you accounted for, Lockwood told you the plan, he’d fight a path back to Portland Row and you’d cover the both of you with the flares, since you weren’t good for very much else with a broken wrist and no rapier.

It was hardly the most intense situation you or Lockwood had been in, but as the primary fighter in the situation, Lockwood was still putting up a good show of skill. Despite yourself you were entranced, admiring the graceful way he moved with the rapier, so in tune with it you’d think it was connected to his arm. As much as you hated Lockwood — well, you’d just established you didn’t actually hate him. As much as you thought he was egotistical and irritating, you had to admit that you really admired him as an agent. Lockwood was undeniably talented with a rapier — it was the fencing competition that got him started in this business in the first place — but to watch him in action was really something special. If you didn’t know better you’d think it was easy for him, he fought with the same ease and elegance he might drink a cup of tea.

You were so caught up in watching him that you hardly noticed when you arrived in front of 35 Portland Row, both luckily un-ghost touched. You were also alerted to the proximity you’d found yourself in. You’d stayed close obviously, not wanting to be left to the ghosts, but when Lockwood had turned to make sure you were still with him safely inside the iron fence, you found yourself only inches apart.

At this distance you were alerted to just how much he’d changed since you were kids. He was taller, obviously, your chin tilted up to make eye contact. He’d lost the baby fat that used to fill out his cheeks, leaving his face defined and bordering on gaunt — you figured he wasn’t taking very good care of himself, judging on the dark circles that seemed by now permanent. Plus something had changed in his eyes. He didn’t look carefree anymore, something dark and tortured lay behind the charming smiles. It wasn’t hard to guess what it was, and you figured you probably had something identical. However, the small scar on his jawline from when you accidentally flung a plastic toy into his face was still there which drew a small smile from you. Something within you urged to run your finger along it, and you felt your fingers twitch before you realised how inappropriate it was. That instinct didn’t feel so bad though when you caught Lockwood’s gaze shift down to your lips. Only momentarily, but you saw it. And worse? The fact that you didn’t mind. After all of these years and the fighting and terrible words shared, here you were maybe about to kiss Anthony Lockwood. You would be disgusted with yourself if you didn’t have so many other feelings fighting their way to the top.

The front door opening was enough to make you both jump apart, you rushing towards it to get as far from Lockwood as possible.

“Hey Lucy!” You called, practically floating up the front steps you were going so fast.

“Uh, hey, guys. We thought we heard you outside so I got sent to check. Had to make sure you weren’t secretly making out or something,” She joked and you forced out a laugh, far too loud to be real.

“As if! Come on, I’m dying for some tea.” You slid past her, rushing straight to the kitchen for a minute to think.

Lucy watched you go suspiciously, before turning to Lockwood.

“What did you do?” She interrogated, all her scary Lucy-ness coming out.

“I don’t know,” Lockwood replied earnestly, still somewhat dazed himself. Lucy gave him one last look up and down before returning inside, leaving Lockwood to fix his smile on before rejoining the two teams.

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆

The week leading up to your team’s next attempt at the hotel was extremely weird. You and Lockwood hadn’t spoken about what had happened (or almost happened) out in the front garden, but you had had a long talk about your behaviour lately. Over a few cups of tea in the kitchen whilst the rest of your teams were working down in the basement, you managed to both admit you were being dickheads. There was no mention of the underlying factors of your resentment, but you both agreed for the sake of your jobs you would try and be friends, or at least civil. No more bickering, no more picking apart small comments, no more rolling eyes.

It worked for a bit, which was really complicating your emotions. On the one hand, Lockwood was lovely, like he’d always been, and it was kind of nice to be able to talk and joke with him again after so many years, although you both carefully avoided the topic of your personal lives. On the other hand, it made you sad to pretend that everything was fine when you knew what you did. He didn’t think you could be an agent; Lockwood didn’t think you were good enough. And you could both pretend all you liked to be friends, but as long as that was what he thought about you it could never be real. So, while you’d both stopped your rivalry on the surface and gotten on with the case, there was a tension bubbling behind your smiles that both of you could see whenever you locked eyes.

It all came to a head when you started discussing your action plan for the hotel. All seven of you were standing in the basement of Portland Row, staring at a blown up floor plan of the place, little figurines representing each of you. It didn’t take you long to realise that you weren’t being represented.

“Where am I?” You asked, an uneasy silence falling over the room.

“You’re not coming.” Lockwood took the fall, even though it had been a unanimous decision whilst you were on an Arif’s run one afternoon.

“Excuse me?” You couldn’t help the biting tone in your words, fury you’d worked hard to conceal bubbling back up to the surface.

“Your wrist—” Sarah tried to reason, but something in you had unlocked and you were not backing down this time.

“You and I know full well if this was a Fittes case I would still be out in the field, broken wrist be damned,” You spat, and you could practically see the gears turning in Lockwood and Lucy’s heads.

“They make you go into the field injured?” Lucy asked, but you weren’t focused on answering her — George nodded for you.

“So who’s barred me from being in the field, on what I might remind you, was my case first.” There were a few moments of silence where no one wanted to be the subject of your anger, but with a resigned sigh, Lockwood accepted the blame.

“It was my idea.” You couldn’t help the frustrated groan that came out of your mouth.

“God, this is so typical! You’ve never thought I was good enough, and now what? Sabotaging my cases? My career? Because you don’t believe in me,” Your voice broke on the last sentence, and you could feel the tears heavy behind your eyes, threatening to fall. You spat a final “Fuck you,” before running up the basement stairs, up to where you knew the bathroom would be for some privacy.

You realised when you were at the top of the stairs that in your time working with Lockwood and Co you hadn’t actually used their bathroom, and didn’t remember which of the closed doors it was. Choosing one blindly you shut yourself inside, finally letting the tears that blurred your vision roll down your cheeks.

You sobbed heavily, indulging all the terrible feelings you’d been concealing for far too long. When the tears weren’t so frequent the setting around you came back into focus, and you noticed with a start you definitely weren’t in the bathroom. The view from the window told you it was Lockwood’s late parent’s bedroom, but the used furniture and messy bed said someone was still living there. Your stomach dropped as you stood, wiping the tears from your eyes. Looking around you were sure this was Lockwood’s room, the suit jacket on the desk chair a dead giveaway. However, a picture frame on his nightstand attracted your attention the most. It was the same one you had in your dorm at Fittes, the one gifted to you by Lockwood’s parents for your birthday. Both of you grinning widely and carelessly joyful. It had been so long since you’d felt like that, even longer since you’d felt it around Lockwood. The thought made your heart ache a bit. His parents would be so disappointed in the two of you. That made you start crying a little again, picking up the photo to examine it closer.

“It’s been there since you left,” A voice from behind you said. “I couldn’t bring myself to put it away.” You hadn’t noticed Lockwood come in and you didn’t know how long he’d been standing there. You put the photo down with a start, turning away to wipe your face dry again.

“Go away, Lockwood. Just give me a minute and I’ll be back downstairs. I overreacted but I need to get over it, okay?” You snapped, praying your face wasn’t still red and splotchy (it was).

“No,” He said, and you turned to face him curiously. “Look, this has gone on long enough and we need to fix things.” You crossed your arms petulantly, a silent challenge for him to fix the damage you believed to be all his. “You said downstairs that I thought you couldn’t be an agent. Why?”

“Don’t you remember when I told you I wanted to be an agent like you?” You scoffed, “You all but laughed in my face! You said I couldn’t do it, that I’d be injured or killed and I couldn’t handle it. I’ve thought about that every case since, you killed my self esteem for years. I thought that if no one else, my best friend should have believed in me. But here I am, youngest team leader at Fittes with the highest successful case rate for my division. All in spite of you.” Lockwood stared at you, and you could practically see his neurons firing and making connections at a million miles an hour.

“That’s not what I said.” You could barely contain your bitter laugh.

“Does it matter? You didn’t believe in me, that’s what’s important.”

“No,” He said, “Because that’s not what I meant at all. I did believe in you — I do. I always have.” You scoffed again as he stumbled over his words. A little grovelling now couldn’t make up for all the years of anxiety and insecurity he’d caused.

“I mean it! If I didn’t believe in you, then what’s all this?” He led you to one of his dresser drawers. Opening it there were a stack of papers and you picked a few of them up, flipping through them. Every single one was about you. Photos from your childhood together, newspaper clippings of your successes throughout the years, the magazine article you interviewed for talking about women in power in the ghost hunting field. Lockwood had saved every piece of media about you, the ragged edges showing he’d ripped them out just to keep them. You remained silent, astonished by this new revelation. You looked up at him, and Lockwood could have cried at the look in your eyes.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t be an agent,” He explained, “Or that’s not what I meant. I meant that you shouldn’t, or more clearly, I was saying don’t. Asking. Don’t you remember? My parents were dead, my sister had just died. You were all I had left, and I didn’t want you to jump head first into the most dangerous job in the world. I wanted to protect you.” It was Lockwood’s turn for his voice to break and tears to arise, and you suddenly felt supremely stupid.

“Oh,” Was all you could say. After all of these years; the insults thrown and dirty looks exchanged, all your anger came from a misunderstanding? Not only that, a misunderstanding that twisted such an earnest declaration of care into something so awful.

“But you did it, and you weren’t just any agent,” He laughed slightly despite his emotions, “You were the best bloody agent Fittes has ever seen and all I could do was watch from the shadows and be proud of you silently. Why do you think Lucy knew who you were already? There were pictures of you all over the house before I made them take them all down when I knew we were working together. I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“But all the arguing…” You trailed off, still unable to completely process this information.

“Just because I love you doesn’t mean you don’t drive me up the wall, especially when you were being — or I believed you were — deliberately obtuse to my efforts to explain myself. But now I see we were just on totally different wavelengths.” You were really struggling, there was a lot of new information being revealed at such a rapid pace that was completely changing your perspective on your whole adolescence.

“You love me?” Lockwood did laugh this time, loudly and with the same charm he usually had.

“Yes, you idiot. I have since we were kids.”

Oh. Oh. You suddenly felt like an idiot. All of this time you thought that Lockwood believed you were weak, not good enough, not worthy of your successes, when in fact it was the complete opposite. And then you thought about how you felt about Lockwood. How his believed lack of faith in you affected you so much because you cared so deeply about what he thought of you. How you could never bring yourself to look away when he was fighting because he was so completely in his element. How nice it had been to be able to joke around with him during your research. Oh God. You thought you simply respected him and his skills as an agent, but evidently the truth had been just out of reach your whole life.

“Anthony?” He was already looking at you, eyes searching deep into your soul. “I think I might love you too.” Neither of you could help the kiddish smiles making their way on your faces, and he wrapped his arms around you tightly before you knew what was happening. It felt nice to be held by him again, the last time would have been after his sister died. These were much better circumstances.

When you both came down the stairs later, no one mentioned your intertwined hands. You all had a lovely dinner at Portland Row, warmth and laughter filling the space and making you feel at home like you used to when you were a kid.

It wasn’t until you were on your way back to the Fittes dorms that Sarah leaned over to you, mischievous grin on her face.

“Tell me you were making out up there, please,” She giggled, and you shoved her away lightheartedly.

“Shut up,” You laughed, “Besides, it wasn’t making out.”

[sugarandspicewriting]

Love Languages for the Counselors

A/N: Sorry Max’s is so short my brain wasn’t cooperating. Also I pulled these out of my ass when I was supposed to be sleeping enjoy <3

Ryan

~ I’m going to say quality time

~ he does that introvert thing where he just *exists* in the same room as the people he loves and it’s more than enough for him

~ that’s not to say he would never talk to you he wants to get to know you he’s just a little awkward about it

~ please help him he’s struggling

~ will eventually let you listen to his podcasts with him just don’t ask so many questions mid episode

~ he will happily clear things up for you afterwards❤️

Dylan

~ words of affirmation with a little bit of physical affection thrown in

~ ik he loves goofy pet names and probably tires to embarrass you with them while just sitting with you

~ “My cinnamon sugar apple. My honeybun sugar plum. My sweet peace of ass”

“Dylan wtf”

“Okay sorry. Can you hand me that pen over there”

~ does the traditional babe/baby too

~ also not shy to voice his love for you. Not a day goes by where he doesn’t tell you

~ likes to top off his sugary words with a peck on the cheek to leave you wanting more of him

Kaitlyn

~ Acts of service

~ In cannon she has trouble expressing herself and I think that shows in her relationships too

~ She can’t always get the words out or let herself be vulnerable but she will hold the door for you and save you a seat wherever you go

~ thank her and she’ll scoff

~ I can imagine her helping you style your hair and if it’s long she’ll chastise you and say that if you can’t handle it you should cut it short like hers

~ you never have to ask her for anything, she’ll always do whatever she can for you but she might call you stupid in the mean time

~ “here I brought you some water”

“Oh thank you that’s so sweet of you :)”

“Yeah well someone has to keep you from getting dehydrated. Now shut up and drink”

Jacob

~ do I really even have to say it

~ physical👏🏻affection👏🏻

~ once you give him the go ahead for PDA (if you are okay with it) prepare to be picked up and squeezed at any given moment

~ doesn’t matter how big you are he’s stronk

~loves kissing u. Will do it until your lips are swollen if you don’t stop him.

~I can also see him as an ass slap man if you consent to it before hand

~ if he’s wearing jeans pls put your hand in his back pocket while walking around. He’s beaming the whole time it’s so gross

~overall just a big teddy bear who will smoosh you with his man boobs if you ask

Emma

~ another words of affirmation counselor

~ she’s a little different in her approach than Dylan

~ she will use pet names if you like them but also just loves to compliment you

~ “Did you change your hair? I love it!” “You always look beautiful/handsome/attractive but you looks especially good today.” “That color looks so good on you!” That kind of stuff

~ will not be at all embarrassed to post you on her social media. Brags about you all the time actually

~ “This is my S/O! I love them and if you’re mean I’m blocking you”

~ includes you in her videos if you want to be in them

~ she’s my blorbo

Abi

~ gift giving but not in the way you might think

~ @bloodverz wrote a post about the counselors bringing you back little trinkets from hikes and stuff and I think that fits her character very well

~ “this rock made me think of you :)” you will end up with a rock collection whether you like it or not

~ I hc that she has a garden at home and she grows flowers and food for you

~ this might be more on the side of acts of service but I also see her doodling on your arms and legs if you let her. It’s a little gift to remember her by later

~ bonus points if you get something she drew on you as a tattoo she’ll be so flustered so give her some kisses

Nick

~ Another snuggly boy but less obvious that Jacob

~ pretty shy about pda

~ he’ll hold your hand, give you hugs, and give chaste kisses but that’s about it unless you want him to turn red and forget how to move and talk

~ in private he won’t let go of you

~ pulls you in his lap to get the kisses he was too shy to ask for in public

~ a hand kisser too he’ll grab your hand and kiss all your fingers wait let me stop before I need to lie down 😮‍💨

~ he runs pretty hot which can get annoying in the summer but during the winter you can latch onto him like a Koala and he won’t stop you

~ Rub your nose on his and make him blush. Do it.

Laura

~ mmmmm I’m going to go with acts of service

~ we get to see her interact with Max in the game but they’re in a dire situation most of the time

~ however idk if every relationship is strong enough that you will literally kill your camp director for but Laura did

~ she would do anything for you and she tells you that often

~ on top of that she’ll do little things for you like making your breakfast in bed once in a while

~ takes such good care of you when you’re sick she’s not leaving until you’re better

Max

~ words of affirmation

~ he loves you and he’s not afraid to shout it from the rooftops either

~ constantly reminding you how much you mean to him he’s so soft 🥹

~ I can also see him being very touchy but putting physical touch again feels like a cop out djejaodih

~ expect a good morning and good night text every day

[macfrog]

Okay so I have so much to say!!! First I love your writing so much and cowboy like me has me in a CHOKEHOLD

This last chapter 😭 I honestly feel so bad for reader but I feel more bad for sweet baby joel!!! Like he’s going THROUGH IT!!! When he finally got some sleep beside reader I cried, when he said he can’t give her all the things he wants to, tears!! Like he loves her so much and he just wants her to have the world and everything she deserves and he can’t do all those things bc of the situation they’re in and I just feel like he wants to stay away so one day she can have all of those things with someone 🥲 he is literally such a good man, I love him

So excited for the next chapter and honestly wouldn’t be mad if you put us through more emotional turmoil 🫶🏻

p.s. i know the titles are t swift but all I think abt is cowboy in me by Tim McGraw when I read this series

i love reading everyone's different opinions on this hahah, especially those of you defending joel

i think u raise some very good points. it's from her pov so we know she's going through it and we know joel's been a little bit of an ass but we don't so much see what dude's going through himself.

but it's gotta suck for him too, right? trying to stop her from getting hurt and then realizing that he's caused her that hurt in the process anyways. and on top of that, losing something that brings him as much happiness n peace as it brings her. man slept for the first time in 4 nights just cause she was lying next to him like-

i guess my response is...hold tight and let's see whether they decide to jump back on the train. who knows. 🤫

also: please always feel free to associate any song/artist you like to this series. i love that y'all put different music to it, makes my heart happy (except - and i'm not at all sorry to have to do this - NO john mayer. that man exists to torment me. he is NO friend of macfrog.)

[mimzalot]

im a pacifist, but... (Claude von Riegan FE3H)

copied over from twitter - written circa 3H, prior to starting 3Hopes

kinda love that Claude is like "I'm as close as you get to a pacifist route, I like to avoid bloodshed" and his right hand man can kill you six ways from Sunday and left hand lady has a giant axe and can KO u in one hit and his named retainer is a war hero and –

not to get into it but imho this is actually a pretty accurate way of how “pacifism” tends to operate. Claude is the ideological focus but the pragmatic approach demands violence. and there's something to look into re: how Hilda, Lorenz, Judith and Nader carry violence in his stead

I think people get into this when they assess Claude bouncing his ideology off Edelgard's violence because that's essentially it - it doesn't mean Claude facilitates this violence, but of course a pacifist angle doesn't exist without something to oppose. so they work in tandem.

Claude deals in violence too, though I think he manages to avoid too much of it - but the necessary violence doesn't go away, and I'm interested in how it then becomes the responsibility of those in his immediate vicinity. some would call that cowardice. and they do!

on the flipside they could call it a sort of moral integrity that's difficult and must be protected. Claude distancing himself from the violence keeps Claude afloat, and they need Claude to keep his clear leadership. so protecting his integrity by violence is... good, then?

in any case I just love the dynamic of compassionate scheming diplomatic leader sitting at the centre of like five murder machines all willing to throw their lives on the line to protect his vision of peace whew yeah that's the good shit

and the best bit is that Claude is under no illusions, so if you consider that Claude always offers an out, and never wants bloodshed, and sees the inherent value of all people, then you gotta wonder whether he's withering away every time someone dies for his cause. aha! eek!

tis a moral conundrum, no?! he needs to empower people to fight for him even if he's morally opposed to the subsequent fighting. Claude doesn't deal in cognitive dissonance so you can rest assured that the violence he inspires is just as internalised as the violence he commits.

how do you sleep at night when you believe whole-heartedly that violence isn't the answer but have to choose that answer anyway? all the lords say "it's necessary" but the other two seem more inclined to say "and it's right" (whether they believe it fully or not) - Claude doesn't

also interesting to me that Lorenz prefers to avoid bloodshed and Hilda just hasn't really thought about it, because I think both of them need that guidance from Claude to avoid falling into that "necessary righteous violence" angle that war-faring Fodlan has BUT IN DOING SO…

they become frightfully powerful allies for Claude that are capable of all the violence, and also, all the sacrifice. so proximity to Claude's pacifist outlook bolsters your willingness to die for Claude, if you wanna look at it that way. damn LMAO that's rough buddy

Claude inspires you to live! and in doing so inspires you to! uh! die. for him, this time. whew. lucky Claude spent most of his upbringing fortifying himself mentally otherwise this spiritual predicament might just kill a guy's spirit haha hee hoo

and I haven't even started on Byleth, where Claude dumps the task of violence AND leadership. he doesn't feel good about it though. and the cool thing there is that Byleth is arguably not into the idea of needless death either, and is OP enough to handle it... which Claude knows.

I guess this is all surmised by the "yet you participate in society! curious!" comic where just because Claude doesn't like a thing doesn't mean he won't utilise every aspect of that thing because that's the resourceful, productive thing to do when faced with unbelievable odds.

addition: this is coming up a lot in the early chapters of Golden Wildfire where Claude is forced to not only respond with violence but facilitate violence among the unwilling Alliance as retaliation to impending war, which is a little moral paradox that really shows how difficult it is to match up ideals and practice.

similarly, I’m keen to get into the idea that an anti-war outlook is also just tactically sound from where Claude stands in the world, regardless of how he might feel about it. of course an Empire will see war as their tactically sound option, whereas an Alliance cant afford that sort of behaviour. it’s an interesting and ongoing exploration of the strength of moral imperative vs. tactics, and where they intersect, falter, thrive, etc.

really chuffed about this and figure I’ll have more to say about it when we reach the end - but it’s early days! Shez is a fascinating addition to this as the ‘merc that needs violence to thrive’ and I’m primed and ready for more intrigue to come.

[demon-girl-izalith]

I think we should keep something in mind this Christmas/holiday season. As the Christian narrative floats around, the white swaddled newborn plastered on billboards, and the focus on what's "sacred" and "holy" circulating through churches around the western world...

The body being "sacred" has nothing to do with some fucked white European idea of chastity or purity. It has absolutely EVERYTHING to do with making sure people are able to feed themselves and their children, not be straight up poisoned by pollutants, or fetishized and exploited for profit. Holiness has nothing to do with being clean or looking your Sunday best.

It was never actually about "purity" or "virginity" or "cleanliness". If it was, why the hell would Jesus have been crucified? The real historical dude said stuff that pissed off people in power so much they fucking merked him. Nothing pisses off agrarian feudal lords or modern capitalists more than telling the masses that they aren't simply morally justified, but on the side of GOD when they steal medicine and food for their children. If you don't believe me, I highly recommend reading William Herzog's "Parables as subversive speech", read about what theologians actually think historical Jesus was talking about all those years ago. Whether you believe in God or not, think religion is a plague or pray a rosary every night, I think keeping this in mind is like super important.

Christianity becomes dangerous and, in the opinion of this demon girl, blasphemous when it is removed from the context of its social cause, when it's co-opted by those in power and disarmed of the radical rhetoric that it was born from originally. I think that's exactly what we see in broader society. I think that an entirely rational response to this is to equate all of Christianity or even all of religion with evil... But I think there's nuance here.

To be clear, I stand with the satanists who support the fight for separation in church and state by chastising the corrupt institutions who have become the opposite of what they claim to espouse. I stand with the atheists who keep the naive theologians in check, and offer peace to the people who have been ravaged by the monster modern Christianity is to so many. Don't stop doing what you're doing. If Jesus was standing here today he'd be standing with you. You're fighting modern day pherisees out here and I'm for it.

Now, this is not to say there aren't problematic things that were always present in the Christian religion, of course there are. And they're quite abundant. I think Christians need to be very aware of that as well. There's nuance there. What I'm calling for here is a realization that the religion of the oppressed is not the same as the religion of the oppressor, and that the religion of the oppressed, when not stripped of its merit and co-opted by systems of greed, can be a force for good. And when we use that lens to look at this bizarre spectacle we call "Christmas", we can learn some interesting stuff.

What I'm saying is, if you're trans, gay, whatever, for the love of God, literally, please LIVE. Listen to your friendly demon izalith. By existing as who you are, you are sacred. Don't let the people wearing robes and claiming to be on the sides of angels and "God" tell you who you can or can't love, or what you can or can't be. If there is a God out there, and he's with those punks, then he's no god. I spit on his name. Angels are overrated anyways... It's the demons, the poor person who steals from Walmart to feed themselves and their children, the prostitute who is proud of their job and the life they work hard to sustain, the fat trans person who goes to Christmas mass in goth makeup... It's those people who the religion was originally made for. It wasn't made for the rich, the white, the straight, the normative. It was made for us. For all those people who are downtrodden, cold this winter, unable to buy food, scared and tired. Fuck that shit they used to traumatize us and belittle us when growing up. It's all lies and venom anyways. If no one loves and accepts you, this demon will.

[sweeethinny]

Cuddle (hinny preferably but I don’t mind if you change it) thx!! <33

hi hon! I didn't know what to write, so I just showed a little bit of that side of Harry that I believe exists, simply because we see him not being afraid of PDA with Ginny.

Cuddle

Harry is a man of touch.

But only on her.

They are sitting on the couch and he will place his hand over hers on the seat without even noticing, continuing to read the book or the newspaper while caressing her skin tenderly for a few minutes.

When she is standing and he is sitting, he will gently, without even stopping to talk, pull her by the waist to sit on his lap, placing one arm over her thighs while the other is around her hip, keeping her on close.

If they are cooking or doing any other activity side by side, suddenly Harry will turn around and kiss her shoulder, cheek, forehead, hair or wrist quickly before turning around and continuing whatever he’s doing.

If they're doing sex and it involves Harry not being able to touch her, he'll freak out, and beg Ginny so much that she'll allow it because he looks so sad about having his hands tied—''I'd rather be blindfolded than not touch you'' he would say.

When they're sleeping and by some chance Ginny pulls away, sometimes because of the heat, or just because she moves a lot, Harry will wake up frustrated and pull her close to him like it's a crime for her to be away from him.

Harry is simply a fan of touches. But only her touches, and in her.

He still pulls away slightly when Molly touches her hair or Hermione hugs him.

Ginny is sure he doesn't even realize it, but she smiles whenever he holds her in his lap during a dinner with friends or family, hugging him and leaving a kiss in his hair. Always trying to touch him, whether it's a chaste kiss on the forehead or hand, or cuddling for a night — even if it's not something she loves, she does it for Harry.

If something goes wrong on his day, if he needs to go to Azkaban or the therapy has been too intense, when he returns home, Harry lies with Ginny and lays his head in her lap, often sleeping there while she strokes or just sits there. 

Lying on the sofa, barely paying attention to the cooking show Harry was watching on the TV he'd bought a few months ago, she hugged him, laying her head on his chest and tucking one leg under his hip, her tired body already giving in to the nap.

Harry muttered something, maybe a ‘luv u', it was something he did. His arm tightened against her body, and he remained there, ensuring she stayed warm.

It was a time of peace, where cuddling and intertwined fingers were no longer rare for them and not something to do in a short period of time, always afraid of the next day.

Ginny enjoyed times like this.

[kimsohn]

assign your moots with their bias & a trope!! tell us why too 👀

HI HELLO i love this ask game 🙏🙏 i have a trope list pulled up so let's hope this goes well. also i only did 5 cause this kinda used up my brainpower but i can do a part two

@wuahae right person wrong time with hyunjae 🤕 idk maybe cause we watched love rosie together but you are so pining over someone for years and not being able to get with them. also i feel like you and hyunjae are the type to live in constant chaos so you never get to coexist tgt but one day you'll be able to live in peace trust

@zzoguri return to hometown trope with jacob 😇 he moves away to become an idol and returns years later to his hometown and sees his ex (YOU) and falls for you all over again. you want to avoid him but end up falling for him too but you can't admit it bc a) he's your ex and b) he's gonna go back in like another month but luckily ldr exists right

@sohnric last summer before college with eric 😭 ifykyk but honestly you are so summer vibes and i can just imagine you're at a campfire staring longingly at your best friend knowing you'll never be able to see him again wondering whether or not you should pour your heart out before he leaves

@winterchimez coworkers au with sangyeon 😍 in your case specifically he's the teacher you're constantly being shipped with but you work in different departments so you've never seen him but one day you do see him at the school's winter dance and somehow the kids get you to slow dance tgt do u get my vision

@juyeonszn rivals to lovers with juyeon 💖 except juyeon doesn't give a shit about being rivals, he just puts up with your competitiveness bc he's in love with you. even better if u imagine this in a barista setting bc you're both trying to get the shift lead promotion but somehow his latte hearts always look better than yours (he's been practicing to confess to you with one someday)

[lulu2992]

hiiii <3 question for ya: in ur opinion, if joseph's wife comes home safely, no car wreck, and has their daughter as expected, how do u see that affecting him + his sanity? does he probably still go batshit for some other reason in the future? or does he not derail into a complete nutjob? <3 ty!!!

I think it depends on whether or not the Voice has contacted him before, and that’s actually a bit unclear... According to The Book of Joseph and Far Cry: Rite of Passage #3, he’s been hearing It since he was a child, but according to Far Cry 5 and Inside Eden’s Gate, it seems he only heard It after he was separated from his brothers, possibly even for the first time the day his wife died and he believed he was being tested. The Book of Joseph also says It stopped talking to him before he started looking for Jacob and John, but along the Pilgrimage path in the game, we learn that he continued to hear It even after the creation of the Project and the anointment of his siblings as Heralds.

If he’s been hearing the Voice since childhood and It told him he had to save souls from the Collapse, I imagine he would still have created the Project and looked for his brothers at some point, so things wouldn’t have been much different in this regard. That said, if the Voice didn’t take his wife and didn’t tell him to sacrifice his daughter, maybe that means It’s less violent and doesn’t ask him to do awful things in this scenario. As a consequence, I think the cult could have been more peaceful as well. For example, I’ve always wondered if Jacob wanted people to sacrifice a loved one because of what happened to Joseph, so if it never happened, maybe that rule wouldn’t exist. And with his wife and daughter still with him, I think it’s possible that Joseph would never have created Faith Seed.

If the Voice only contacted him the day of the accident but there is no accident, then maybe he never hears it and just gets to live a normal life with his family! He would most likely look for his brothers, but they obviously wouldn’t become his Heralds. If there’s still a Voice somewhere, though, maybe someone else hears It, is tested, and is tasked with saving souls, but Joseph never becomes a cult leader. Then, if there’s still a Collapse coming, unless Joseph happens to meet that other prophet and decides to join their cult, I suppose he and his family would simply end up dying when the world falls into the flames...

[utterlyazriel]

YESYES CASS & R friendship!!!! But I also really hope reader doesn’t lose her strength especially after what happened. Part of what made this series so appealing to me is that there’s already so many fics about f!reader losing their wings (my personal gripe with sjm for making it this way aside, that’s a whole other discussion lol) so this story feels special to me. I would love to see her still being able to keep up in training/fighting :’) And peace!!!! Please let them be happy lol ❤️ Maybe r in velaris can explore whether she would have hobbies or artistic interests now that she doesn’t have to be on alert for her life all the time? Just some ideas :) (p.s. I still love that dragon idea too. Maybe not a dragon but perhaps she would like animals?)

ding ding!!! more than one person has mentioned cass and r friendship (tho maybe that was you lol) but i literally love that dude so hard so why wouldn't i also want that :D

an understandable fear nonnie but fear not! i have no intention of building up a lovely character that's renowned for their strength and fighting abilities and then just retracting all that !

it's hard as well because you existed in this like, sour spot, where you were ruffling lord mylind's (rest not in peace </3) feathers by climbing the ranks and getting better but you were also being actively hindered? so basically i can't imagine u would do anything but fuckin kick ass when you're unrestrained <3 like cassian is gonna get his ass kicked but he's gonna be like so happy about it lol

happiness, hobbies, and artistic interests.... mmm yes i like that direction... and the dragon idea! it's still lurking, i'll see what i can do hehe

thank you for sending this in!!! i'm so happy you're invested enough to share your thoughts i love them so much i am chewing on them <3 mwah

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

AYYY it’s open! Ok so I have this funny little request,headcanons of the reactions on ciel,Alois and Sebastian on the situation that a modern looking person shows up in front Of there manor with there dead sibling who is now revived and has there souls back ((luka for Alois,real ciel for our ciel)),the person is like “Heh I found this outside your house.does this belong to u?” ((Luckily real ciel knows what happend and understand his brother,even helping him by switching also his identity with his original identity in his case-,Ik this messes up the manga timeline and I’m sorry if you can’t write this! )) Sebastian feels also strangely more hungry ((bc ya know soul is back somehow))

me, smacking Sebastian's hands away from real!Ciel like a scolding mother smacks a child's hand away from a tray of freshly baked cookies: THAT'S NOT FOR YOU!!!

Really, can’t people ever leave him alone?! Whatever it is they’re selling, he doesn’t want — uh. Wait… wait, what’s going on? Is that…? No… no, it can’t be. It’s some sort of trick, isn’t it? But… but it looks just like Luka. It’s him, all grown up, although when Alois looks at him, all he sees is the small, round-faced, bright-eyed little brother he lost so long ago. He doesn’t even really have words; it’s like his mind can’t make his mouth say anything at all, despite the fact that there are a million and one things running through his head. He just… takes a step forward, and his voice comes out in a whisper when he can finally speak: “Is it… is it really you, Luka?” When he receives confirmation that this is his brother, all Alois does is throw his arms around Luka, sobbing, and saying how much he loves him and that he’s sorry. Even when Luka tells him he has nothing to be sorry for, he keeps crying. It’s debatable whether or not Alois is ever going to let go again. He can barely get himself together enough to look up at this mysterious person and thank them for giving Luka back to him. Though he’s not sure if this person wants any kind of reward, they’re welcome in the manor at least for the night. If they do need anything, Alois is so grateful that as long as it’s possible, he’ll make it happen. He has his brother back. He doesn’t need anything else.

Lovely — can he not have a peaceful evening to himself? Whatever business this person has here, he suggests that they finish it quickly. Before he can inquire about their business, however, he sees the man they have with them. It’s… it’s his brother. The one that he knows died back when the two of them were put through that horrible cult. He saw the life fade from his twin’s eyes, and now here he is in front of Ciel, just as real as the earl is. He’s seen plenty of supernatural bullshit in his time, but… this is different. It’s not the same. His twin has come back to life, and he has so many questions. How? Why? Is he… he’s got his soul back, too? This is so mind-blowing, he almost feels the need to sit down. Instead he takes his brother’s hands, and in short order the twins are hugging each other tightly. Ciel cries on his elder brother’s shoulder, murmuring that he thought the only time they’d see each other again is when he dies. Once they’ve had their moment and he’s assured that they can both assume their original identities again, he visibly relaxes. It’s been… hard, existing the way he has, with so many secrets and so much weight on his back. The both of them don’t hesitate in inviting the oddly-dressed person in, if only for the night. The former earl is particularly thankful, because although it’s going to be an adjustment, he can have a little peace back. He doesn’t have to be Ciel anymore. He gets to be Astre again.

Well, well… isn’t this a strange turn of events? Just as well, the earl’s life has been strange enough that nothing really seems strange anymore. Anything is possible, he supposes. He’s quietly curious about the whole thing, mainly because it should be impossible. There are so many factors here that should have halted something like this from happening — the Grim Reapers, for example. When the original Ciel died as a child, should a Reaper not have come to collect his tortured little soul? That’s the order of things. So, what did this bizarre person do, steal the soul back from wherever the Reapers keep them once they’re collected? … Steal it from heaven or hell? Is such a thing even feasible to do? Or is something else going on? He has endless questions, none of which he will voice until this person gives up some information themself or until his master starts asking. And of course he’s twice as hungry now. He guesses that he’s expressly forbidden from forming a contract with the other twin… but he can’t stop thinking about just how much a once in a lifetime meal it would be. A soul which has been ‘dead’ for some time, only to suddenly burst back into life and be thrust into their restored body, and the soul was beautifully tormented and deliciously dark in the first place? He’ll have to exercise some absolutely monstrous restraint to keep himself from doing something… unwise.

[philtstone]

I need you to know that all of your arawen content whether it’s your actual fics or just your musings about them as characters is just completely correct. like everything you say is just like yes. exactly. i found myself in the dark at 3am nodding vigorously in agreement at my phone over your post about how much comedic potential they have and it’s a crime that not enough people are seeing that. like yeah I’m sure a big challenge arawen had after the coronation was restoring peace but you know what was probably the biggest challenge of them all? trying to interact with their subjects without having them all fall in love with them . They would have been like THE celebrity it couple. Work and rebuilding the city is probably done at an incredible pace but it’s literally because everyone is suffering from a huge fat crush and is desperate to impress them .. And it feels morally wrong but people have never been so motivated and productive before that aragorn and arwen kind of just have to allow it ??

so glad u have been enjoying my little spiral into whatever trench this is?!?!

u see my vision .... wow :')

you are so absolutely correct on this front tho i feel like celebrity is not quite the right word given its weird modern day connotations ... theyd be more like that couple in your local organizing space who everyone is in love with & caused at least three teenged moments of self revelation just by existing (which is… basically what they did for many irl but anyway lol). like its true that theyre the king and queen and im sure the reunited kingdoms of gondor and arnor do have some kind of gossip column going on. but i feel like aragorn especially would do everything in his power to throw them off the proverbial trail so that he and arwen can hang out at the yee olde gondorian community garden and plant more trees in peace

[kavaeroexe]

Can u do one for incubus Obi-wan. The reader(she) works at one of those witchy store and you know finds an old book with an old language and accidentally summoning him. Please if u want😊

need to remember this, sorry for too late responding Anonn :(

 witchcraft lowly thing.

Incubus!Obi-wan x Reader

summary : “so.. I just need to say the word like.. the name of an incubus, I demand you to exist upon my wish!!!”

warning: typos, bad grammar, incubus content.

attention! please do not try to repost my works, I only post my works on Tumblr, if anyone see someone stole my works please inform me through the comments, tag me in the works, or message me!

.

.

It’s fun to know that even though you’re not a favorite child in your family, but your grandmother loves you the most

every time Grandmother tells you about her experience being a witch and the fantasy story, you wish that you could be like your grandmother as well. the moment she said she got an old bookstore for magic, your eyes shine like a diamond, and it shines even brighter when she said you could have it if you’re done with your school and university.

now you got the whole bookstore, you thank your grandmother a lot, as you spin around the moment you enter the store, looking at every crystal, magic stuff, old books that you always have been dreaming to have, now it’s all yours!! oohhh how curiosity really brought you to heaven, you can’t even think how long you’re going to take to try all of the magic written in the books of your grandma’s store!!!

you spend the first week cleaning the store, tidying it up so it could be clean and easy for you to use and enjoy the stuff there, the second week you start to decorate and try to read some light books, and now, the third week, you try to read more specific and interesting books

you can’t hold yourself to do some practicing on the fourth week, so the sneaky you, try to do it this week

silly of you, stupid of you, but oh come on! how long do you need to wait-!? it’s already all yours, no one can stop you!!

.

.

“So.. I just need to put this in here, here, and there... alrighty all done!” you claim yourself, putting both of your hands on your hips and posing proudly of your works, now you’re very excited because today what you’re going to do is...

Calling a Succubus! or.. also an Incubus.. 

but since you love something new, you don’t care whether it’s a succubus or an incubus, anything it is, as long as you can summon and at least talk to them in peace before they finally return to their own realm, it’s already a big achievement, the point is to summon!

now it’s time! you’re so nervous yet so excited, it’s something new to you, and you always face something new like this, so it’s normal but you love the feeling every time you do feel it. you spell the magic word, focusing your mind and trying to bring a nice aura to your surroundings. You close your eyes and didn’t dare to open them to see what’s happening after you do the ritual based on the book you read before.

took some time for you to check if there was a footstep, breathing, or heat around you to make sure that you really are summoning something, but you gave up trying to do everything but open your eyes, so you end up opening it anyway.

how surprised of you to find a man in black robes, with black and big wings, tail waging around him, and also a pair of horns appeared on his head, his face is beautiful, stunning and looks so seducing (Bcs that’s how their face work lmao). oh and don’t forget his upper body showing a little, showing a peak of his six-pack body, which makes your jaw drop but you quickly shake your head and start to make a little conversation but you’re too nervous because it’s your first time calling a demon..

“Oh- er hello- it’s a pleasure to see a man- I mean a demon or a devil? a-anyways nice to meet you, I’m S/o, nice to meet you- oh I already said that didn’t I?” you try to say it in the most casual way, THE MOST CASUAL WAY, yeah you’re trying so. it’s okay

“So innocent...”

is the first thing he said to you, innocent, does he mean by how you startled and nervous to greet him? or how your desire to summon him only to talk casually to him?

“Cute of you.”

It’s the second thing he said, the more he talked the more you were confused by his words like an innocent duck trying to process the thing in their brain.

now you slowly walk closer to him, erasing the distance between both of you, so you could see his face closer, you’re too curious, you mean he looks harmless, plus he compliments you

“Approach me so easily, aren’t you scared of demons?”

“mhm not really, but if you hurt me, I might start to feel scared of demons, so please don’t hurt me.”

“Pff how cute you are huh? Don’t worry you’ll be safe with me, want to make a contract little one?’

[andorerso]

Sissi, please satiate my very academic curiosity about your two OCs Dani and Elijah because I've seen you tag them on some very omg-thats-my-jam dynamics.

Like I need details. Whats their story? Do they hate each other and then oh-shit-regrettably-its-u hate-fuck in some Boston bar? Like I already have headcanons for them, we neeed moore 🥺

me seeing this ask in the morning

they're honestly one of my favorite OC ships, like top three AT LEAST. and honestly? hooking up in some Boston bar is not unimaginable! like you're not very far off at all and I love it 🥰 please tell me more headcanons *chin in hands*

you might regret asking me though because I have a looooooot to say! so much to say. too much, you might think 😭 but they have a long story, and I couldn't give them justice if I condensed it, so I think I'm gonna put this under a read-more

okay, so important context first: the setting is urban fantasy with magic and different sorts of monsters but the twist that it's all out in the open and the world has known about the existence of these paranormal things for a long while now.

Dani's in her mid-20s (around 25-27 at the start) and she has this the devil may care attitude with some serious abandonment issues (because her family situation is complicated and not the greatest). She's very rarely had real connections with anyone, whether platonic or romantic, so it makes her very lonely and basically the only person she's close to is her brother. She will pretend she likes it that way but I mean... she clearly does not. She's also a licensed monster hunter, but while most of her family on her mother's side, including her brother, were/are witches, she's got no magic of her own. So it makes her kind of an outsider even in her own family.

And Elijah isn't human. In fact, he comes from a different dimension altogether so he's a something but no one knows what yet because his kind hasn't really been seen ever before and people just don't have a name for it. He's a couple hundred years old which is old in the human sense, but not so much for their kind. Kinda early 30s in appearance. Elijah technically isn't even his real name but it's his human name and what he goes by for the entire story. His dimension is sort of splintering apart at the seams and his kind are dying by the millions so many of them started seeking refuge in other worlds, including our world. Of course they all have different attitudes towards humans, some think they should be peaceful and co-exist, some think they should just take over and subjugate humans, and some think that co-existence IS optimal but they don't think very high of humans regardless and don't really want to interact much. Basically like "you're just a small ant and I'm better than you in every way but I don't hate you so I guess you can stay." Elijah falls more into that category at the start, although he's actually curious about humans, but he's following his mentor's lead who's kinda like a father figure and the person who leads the group he came over with.

So anyway, Dani gets tangled up in this whole situation as she's one of the first person to actually see and interact with one of the others. You could kinda say they're enemies because Elijah's super loyal to his own people, and Dani's very skeptical and distrustful of them. But most of all, she really doesn't trust Elijah's mentor and that obviously creates some tension between them. So they start off on the wrong foot and they really can't stand each other first. It's a lot of unfair assumptions and prejudices basically, and they're both guilty of it. But they also clash simply because of their personalities.

Elijah's calm, collected, reserved, a bit cold some would say, he doesn't show much emotion and is entirely too serious for his own sake. Dani's more laidback and fun and likes to hide her pain with stupid jokes. She's also very much ruled by her emotions so she's hot-tempered and prone to make hasty decisions that often result in bad consequences and Elijah just. does not vibe with that. At all. There's definitely attraction from the start tbh but it's a "fuck, why them, I cannot stand them" kind of attraction. The "I think you're hot and I'm annoyed about it" kind of attraction.

They do become friendlier as time goes on and they find common ground and realize that they may not be so different after all. During this stage, only a few months after meeting, they actually end up sleeping together at a low point in both of their lives. It's one of those "you're here, I'm here, let's just make each other feel alive" kind of things. But because this is absolutely a slowburn, the next morning Dani's like "you know that was just a one night sort of thing, right?" because she does fool around with people often so it's nothing new to her but Elijah does not, isn't used to this, so he's like "uhm... yeah of course." But internally he's kinda spiraling about it. They don't talk about it, but ofc they're thinking about it.

So as time goes on, they end up becoming really close as friends and literally everyone's shocked about this development but they just... see each other, you know? They get each other in an instinctive way that no one else does. Elijah's absolutely in love with Dani at this point but doesn't really understand what he's feeling so he never does anything about it, just pines from afar, and Dani's sort of still in the denial phase (plus you know, the whole "he's my best friend and I don't really have a lot of people I'm close to so I can't lose him"). Dumb shit, obviously.

There's a jealousy sideplot at some point because I like them but it's not a love triangle because I hate those. It's basically just more of Elijah pining to be honest. Lots of angst because that's just how I roll. Over time, there's like 2 or 3 incidents when they actually kiss (I could even see another one night stand at some point, it depends) but they always pull back or change their minds or something happens outside of their control and it just never ever goes anywhere. At this point, Elijah loves her and realized it, but he's actually kinda content to be just her friend. He's okay with loving her from afar because he doesn't really think it possible to be with her for real, and it's very sad.

Dani, on the other hand, is the opposite. She has also accepted the fact that she loves him and she does not want to be just friends. At some point, they have one of those heated arguments that end with Dani, finally too frustrated with this thing between them, blurting out that she loves him, and Elijah for his own reasons (he has a lot of shit going on) pretty much ignores it and pulls away from her. It's like "this is best for both of us, I'm trying to protect you" blablabla, it's stupid and although they technically remain friends, their relationship is very obviously strained because Dani doesn't forgive him for it. Like the girl can absolutely hold a grudge, but also this is probably the time he hurts her the most, so understandable. I mean you gotta know that this is the first time she said those words to anyone that isn't her brother, and she feels rejected, feels like doesn't love or want her, feels kinda worthless because he's an immortal being from a different dimension, ofc he doesn't want her, why would he, and she feels incredibly angry that she still loves him despite all that. It’s a cycle of self-hatred and resentment, and then all that, along with some other things, pushes Dani into spiraling and she has a brief evil arc, and that's another thing preventing them from being together. (She's pretty mean to him during this era but he's also one of the things that brings her back to herself so you know... fun stuff!)

Anyway, they do get together eventually. I'm undecided on this part because idk what works better yet. One possibility is that one of them, probably Elijah, shows up at her door before a big battle that's gonna happen and confesses and they spend the night together knowing it might be their last night alive. The other possibility is that one of them, probably Dani gets hurt during the battle and Elijah confesses while she's bleeding out in his arms. Either way, they don't expect to survive so they finally come clean, and then... they survive. So now they gotta actually confront this for once.

They decide to give a relationship a try, but it doesn't end well the first time. Sure, they're happy and disgustingly in love for a while but neither knows how to be in a relationship because neither have experience. So as soon as something comes along to shake their foundations a bit, the whole thing crumbles. The following crash and burn might even be the angstiest part of the story, idk. I'm gonna be honest, the end does get a little fuzzy, I haven't fleshed out everything yet. I know I want there to be a temporary character death at some point because I know it's cheap but I live for that stuff. So Elijah dies, probably while they're still broken up, and Dani definitely goes a little feral and sets out on an impossible path to bring him back. The good stuff. He comes back, they reunite, etc. I don't wanna say everything's perfect after that because they still gotta work on their issues, but they have a happy ending and that's what matters.

Tropes include but not limited to: slowburn, mutual pining, it was always you, battle couple, hot-headed & level-headed, unhealthy codependency/mutual obsession, soulmate coded, opposite sides of the same coin, not even death can defeat us, anguished declarations of love, sad people growing an intense connection from shared trauma, grumpy character who only smiles for love interest

Songs that remind me of them: 

Remember to Remember Me by Isak Danielson - this one is pretty angsty, but it really fits a certain period in their story and every single time I hear it, it makes me think of them

An Evening I Will Not Forget by Dermot Kennedy

Evermore by Taylor Swift ft. Bon Iver

The Alcott by Taylor Swift ft. The National

Love Like Ghost by Lord Huron

Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler

(Dani also has a playlist that she made for him even when they were just friends and it's super secret and she's kinda embarrassed about it but she does end up sharing it with him later when they get together. Fun fact, I did actually make that playlist on Spotify.)

Other trivia tidbit that I like but couldn't fit into elsewhere: Dani's full name is Danielle and she HATES when people call her that. Her parents used to do it when they were angry, and her brother still does it to mess with her or when he's disappointed with her. So no thank you. Except if it's Elijah. Other people say it in anger or admonition but Elijah says it out of sheer devotion, and she's very into it.

I could also like... make moodboards if anyone's interested? Or even if no one's interested...

[dejabooooo]

So is Madoka actually happy, not just content, as the Law of Cycles? Because as I gather there's a lot of material strongly suggesting she just straight up isn't.

Director Shinbo has said something to the effect of the outcome of the TV series, "a human becoming a god" might be too heavy a fate for a girl in middle school to bear, the lyrics of Mata Ashita (the end song for the first 2 episode) might be... somewhat telling, becoming the LoC is directly called a fate worse than death in the original series, it's been strongly implied in various side materials (and directly by the MagiReco game apparently) that the LoC isn't actually much of an afterlife, more like a long peaceful sleep like some interpretations of the Buddhist concept of Nirvana, and Madoka herself doesn't actually have regular contact with the girls in her care outside of missions and such, and of course the old concept movie had the "what is happiness" thing about how God is denied the simple pleasures of life.

She might be watching over everyone she cares about but that isn't really a... relationship if her friends and family that aren't magical girls simply don't know she exists.

well thats a good question! because i don't think there is an incredibly definitive canonical answer. not a simple solid yes or no anyway.

one thing i did before writing "be not afraid" (which i assume is what ur here from?) was watch a video of ultimate madoka's quotes from magia record to get a feel for how she spoke in that form. one thing she stated repeatedly was that she absolutely did not regret her decision, she was happy with it. but being happy with her decision does not necessarily translate to her being happy in general. in fact one particularly heartbreaking line was about how she could see her brother drawing by himself and was sorry that she couldn't play with him.

so the argument that madoka is satisfied with her wish but it regardless comes at the expense of her happiness in almost the same way that devil homura exists is a very interesting thought.

I think because in canon these concepts are so immensely complex but our knowledge about how exactly they exist is somewhat vague, there are lots of different ways u can interpret it.

My personal depiction (which i fully admit to containing plenty of speculation) is this:

Madoka is absolutely lonely and not always happy as the loc. but she isn't in a constant state of happiness or sadness anymore than when she is a human. the thing about madoka kaname is that her happiness throughout the series is dependent on how much she's HELPING OTHERS. of course she becomes god as a middle schooler human girl, but in becoming the loc, she becomes something other than human. being in that state of nirvana, in that state of otherness, i can't imagine that the feelings and thoughts of this immense concept she becomes can translate directly into human ideas of happiness or sadness, i can't imagine emotions being completely definitive in a being of such immense power with infinite facets. she is in a constant state of helping people tho, and the human madoka that is left must be happy, not just content, about that. She is aware of everyone she loves, she can see them at all times and watch over them, and i think a contradiction occurs here where she is glad she can watch over them but at the same time there must be a part of her that misses them.

i know this is all very abstract. but put in simpler terms madoka is the embodiment of hope while she is in the form of the loc. i imagine she must feel hopeful and if she is constantly hopeful and purposeful then that has to prelude to happiness in an overall sense too despite everything else

so my final answer as to whether madoka is happy as the loc is: it's... complicated😭

[kimchokejin]

this is about me/my blog i guess

howdy! 🤠 thanks for stopping by. this is a bts hate blog. i reblog a lot of gif sets, memes, text posts, etc. and talk too much in the tags. i don’t really make things aside from what’s already here

most of my personal info is already in my description so i’m honestly not sure what to say lol. i have tag game stuff and posts that resonated with me if you’re just trying to get a ~vibe~ but if you want to know more about me for some reason, feel free to message! sometimes i can take a long time to respond but i do like to talk to people! especially about bts or just music in general

believe it or not i am an adult 😬 so just in case i would like to ask that minors don’t follow/interact. sometimes i say things on here that i don’t think i should say in front of minors and i don’t want to put anyone here (including myself) in an uncomfortable position. thank you for understanding!

also just a heads up that i am white if that informs your decision of whether or not or how to interact. if you are white and reading this and have never heard of white supremacy culture (which is so much more prevalent and sinister than i think a lot of us realize), please check out this website (that blew my mind tbh and i’m just not sure how many people have seen this masterpiece?) and let’s talk about it 😊

ummm this was my result for my bts personality quiz that i am still embarrassed about yet still trying to improve. as you can see i project onto taekook a LOT luv u babes <3

ummmm i also made a bts song ranker

THAT’S_MY_(a few months ago)_OPINIOOOOOOON.gif

a long, unrequested, incomplete but occasionally updated list of things i will NEVER shut up about:

disaster libra jimin

rm drunk tweets

hobi’s (alleged) joints

tae’s espn

jin’s masochism

expensive girl namjoon interviewing pharrell for rolling stone knowing in the back of his mind that expensive girl exists and will never be deleted from the internet

yoongi being THAT fucking funny and no one noticing

namjoon never having some goddamn peace and quiet…ever.

vmin in the rm studio tour vlive

foreheard jin

feral tae

fluffy blonde jimin (my greatest weakness)

jin’s shoulders

namjoon spoiling everything

hobi’s frog doll with the tiny penis

namjoon. like just look at him i'm sorry

jungkook making fun of rrrrap monsta in the year 2021 namtaekook making fun of jimin's dance move in save me in the year 2022

daydream hobi SHORT HAIRED HOBI MORE MV HOSEOK YTC IN BUSAN HOBI

“let the beat in”

alt boy gen z icon jk

happy yoongi :)

lachimolala/carobonara (still)

tae in the glass case (and namjoon’s face)

tae having “just one bite” (and namjoon’s face)

jimin shy dancing

jin setting off fireworks in the morning

vmin sticker betrayal

rm putting rap monster as his legal name

rm insisting his sweatshirt is on right side out when the pockets were literally inside

rm not knowing they’re live

the spanking game

j-hope’s “keep one rolled” shirt J-HOPE’S CONDOM SHIRT

but also the whole keep one rolled/legalize it/heroin trifecta

when rm asked bts what food they liked in america that they couldn’t get in korea

jinmin fart skit

rm saying wow to yoongi’s butt

bts trying to cheat on taped run episodes

jungkook getting caught taking jimin’s tissue

tae pretending to get drunk off a water bottle?

anpanman 180524 (rip namjoon)

“oh hyuuuuung” *finger guns*

SHE SAID SHE SAID SHE SAID SHE’S FROM HAWAII

tata mic

“yeah baby i’m nervous!”

namjoon learning and growing over time <3

the lies behind your eyes fake love cover

the bwl dance set to juice by lizzo

this picture of 2seok

the memetic capabilities of the tragically overlooked bts hybe-sanctioned animated fanfiction universe story app