#maddie's quarantine reviews

[underforeversgrace]

healing the wounds we hid - 4

title: healing the wounds we hid

words: 3,067

Finally, the sequel to broken trust and the wounds hidden behind! (Refresh here on AO3 or here on Tumblr)

Story Summary: Now that his father knows, Danny's life is changing for the better. Jack encourages him to let his friends and the rest of the family into his small word. Unbeknownst to Danny, Jack is secretly worried about how Maddie will react to the news upon her return to Amity - and how to confront Vlad once Jack learns his true identity. Amidst it all, an enemy lurks and plots their revenge.

Chapter 4 of 11: Knowing You

AO3

Tumblr Chapter One

(Tumblr Chapter Four will be here)

Beta by: @probably-dead and @scarletsaphire!

Featuring art from this fic's second artist, @saxonroa!

Note: This one was already published to AO3, but apparently I never published it here! My bad!

~~~~~~

Jack stared at the mansion as the GAV idled, hesitating with his hand on the key in the ignition. It was the day after he’d learned the truth about Vlad, and now it was time to confront him. Some part of him wondered if he should let Danny know what he was doing, but he was at school. It was time for the adults to talk anyway.

With a sense of finality, Jack turned the key and pulled it out, turning the vehicle off and jumping out of it. He double checked his suit, making sure he had multiple weapons, along with two personal ghost shields. Vlad Masters would be able to get through them, yes, but it would still keep his ecto attacks from hitting or his Plasmius form from getting too close.

Confident he had enough weapons to at least escape to the GAV, Jack held his head high as he marched towards Vlad’s front door. He knocked before he had the chance to second guess himself again.

He didn’t have to wait long before he heard the sound of the lock disengaging and Vlad opened the door, clad in a red robe, his white hair hanging loosely around his face.

“Jack. What a…pleasant…surprise.” Vlad said, schooling his expression into one of mild interest.

“Wish I could say the same,” Jack said as he body checked Vlad out of his way, crossing the threshold and closing the door behind him.

“What the butter puffs, Jack?” Vlad huffed in annoyance.

“You and I are going to have a talk,” Jack said, glaring at Vlad, pulling himself up to his full height.

Vlad at least had the common courtesy to look concerned. “Whatever about, my old friend?”

“Cut the bullshit, Vlad. I know.”

“You know what?” He asked, rolling his eyes.

“I figured it out. You blame me, don’t you?”

“Jack, I’m afraid I don’t -“

“Stop messing with me, Plasmius!” Jack shouted. “I know what you are, I know who you are! But what I don’t understand is why? You reviewed the math, Maddie reviewed the chemical compositions. We all messed up! Yet you blame me? And decide to beat my son bloody because of something that happened before he was even born?”

The faux friendliness fell from Vlad’s face, settling into a scowl. “Jack, stop talking nonsense.”

Jack grunted in frustration and walked past Vlad, to the living room just beyond the foyer.

The other man groaned and began to speak but Jack cut him off.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I get Danny, he was afraid. But you? Why hide it?”

Vlad narrowed his eyes accusingly at Jack. “You never visited. Five years in that hospital and neither of you ever came to see me.”

“We tried!” Jack said, stunned. “We tried for weeks to see you but you were under quarantine. And then you were better but accepting no visitors and then you were discharged and never talked to us. We thought you hated us. We thought you’d forgiven us when you invited us to the reunion."

Vlad’s face twisted in anger. “Forgiven you? You’re even dumber than I thought you were, Jack. You killed me! Your negligence cost me my life! But I made it better, didn’t I? Turned your fuck up into a gift. Created Plasmius, created an empire of wealth for myself. I may have given the ghost a name, but you’re the one who created this!” He shouted and then black rings were around his waist, so similar and yet so strikingly different than Danny’s, and Jack could only watch while his chest ached in shame. “How does it feel to have created not just one monster, but two? Remember when we contemplated the idea of hybridism in college? All the things we could do and learn from a thing like that, before we laughed it off as a joke because how could such a freak of nature ever exist? I’ve been trying to kill you for twenty years, Jack! And now your ridiculous child can’t even keep a secret?”

Jack listened to Vlad’s rant, the heavy blanket of guilt pressing further into him the longer he talked. Plasmius breathed angrily, his red eyes burning into Jack with rage Jack had never known Vlad able to possess.

A canyon of silence stretched between them. Jack fidgeted, running his hand through his hair as he tried to gather his thoughts and break it.

“Danny didn’t tell me. I figured it out - figured out both of you. He doesn’t know I know.”

“Wow, a rare moment of Jack Fenton brilliance,” Plasmius said, mockery and anger dripping from his tone like venom. 

“Why am I here?” Jack asked.

“You practically break into my house and you’re asking me why you’re here?” Vlad asked, the shift from fury to bewilderment so instantaneous it was nearly amusing.

“Not here as in your house. Here, in general. Alive. Breathing.” He asked cautiously, wondering how much of the Vlad he had known was left in his friend.

“Daniel is quite protective,” he growled. “Constantly interferes with my plans and saves everyone. Even for people who’d kill him.”

“He’s also only fifteen. He hasn’t even been de-“ Jack choked on the word “-dead for two years. And I’m only human.” Vlad was silent as he processed Jack’s question, so Jack continued, his voice tired. “You’re one of the richest men in the world. I’m oblivious, but not that oblivious. You could’ve hired someone to murder me and make it look like an accident. But I’m still here.”

Jack felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, crushing him into dust even as Plasmius came for him, hands outstretched. He vaguely remembered the weapons he’d brought with him as Vlad grabbed him by the neck and slammed him against the wall, but he suddenly found he didn’t care to use them, even as he grabbed at Vlad’s wrists and struggled for air.

At least Vlad wasn’t as cold as Danny.

“Maybe I wanted to do it with my own hands,” Vlad hissed, lifting Jack off his feet. Jack clawed at Vlad’s hands, desperate to be let down. “Maybe I needed to make sure you hurt as much as I did, suffer as much as I did! And now you offer yourself up to me on a platter!”

Jack couldn’t speak, becoming lightheaded as Vlad continued to strangle him. Looking into Vlad’s red, pupil-less eyes full of rage and pain, Jack began to wonder if he’d made a mistake, if the friend he’d known really had become someone capable of murder, when doubt and regret crossed Vlad’s face.

“Fuck!” Vlad shouted, releasing Jack from his grip. Jack fell to the floor two feet beneath him, collapsed onto his hands and knees as he breathed in the beautiful, cool air around him. “Fuck!” He repeated, blasting some of the furniture around them into pieces with his pink ecto rays. Plasmius floated down to the floor, and Jack wasn't sure if the tears forming in the ghost’s eyes were from anger or grief.

“Damn you, Jack Fenton,” Vlad hissed. “You and your perfect life, with the woman I love and the kids I always wanted! Why do you get everything? Why do you get to be happier than me? Why can’t I kill you?”

“‘Perfect life?’” Jack asked, his voice still a little breathless as he pushed himself to his feet. “You think my life is perfect? You can have it! Along with every mistake I’ve ever made! I killed you, my best friend! I killed my son. I’ve hunted him, hurt him! I only know now because I found a goodbye video he filmed in case I killed him again! I’ve pushed my daughter away. I’m terrified my wife is going to try to kill our son!” 

Tears fell as all the pain he’d masked since the video tumbled out, finally able to let out everything he’d kept within. “Do you want your son’s blood on your hands? Do you want to remember all the dreams you had of torturing him? Do you want to know he spent almost two years afraid you wouldn’t love him enough to not dissect him?”

The room began to blur as tears clouded his vision, as he cried so hard his chest burned. “Do you want to learn that someone else did do that to him? And he still feared you too much to come for help, that he stitched up his own vivisection wound? Because if you want all of that, you can have it! All the guilt, all the pain, all the things I’ve broken. Do you still want my perfect life? Because I don’t!”

The two men looked at each other as Jack finished his breakdown, before a bitter laugh escaped Vlad. “Ironic. Of the two of us, I’m the one who wants to kill, yet you’re the one with blood on your hands.”

All the energy Jack had previously had vanished, and he sagged against the same wall he’d been pinned to. “I have to live with my mistakes. So believe me when I say living is worse, when I have to face my mistakes every day. Maybe that’ll make you feel better, Vlad.”

“Hmph,” Vlad said, black rings sweeping across him again, turning him back to Masters. “That does bring me some happiness.”

“Wonderful,” Jack said dryly, looking around at the mess - and lack of intact furniture. He sighed, sliding to the floor, exhausted after letting out all the shame he’d buried so deep.

Awkward silence settled between the two.

“I’m sorry, Vlad.”

~~~~~~

Danny yawned as his friends bickered, poking at the food in front of him. It was nice, to be back here with them. It’d been a few days since they’d found out - he’d told them on Monday afternoon and it was now Friday - and his fear had largely faded away. He’d been so worried they’d be okay with it and then realize that he was a freak, a monster, and grow afraid of him, that they’d out him to the town and the government. But they’d accepted him back with open arms, even insisting on joining him on patrol (once he showed them how to use a blaster and told them in no uncertain terms that if it got too dangerous, they needed to run). 

He felt Tucker elbow him gently. “Yo, you good? You’re playing with your food instead of eating again.” Tucker asked.

“You’ve been doing that a lot. Do you just… not eat as much anymore?” Sam added, dropping her voice at the end.

The urge to lie bubbled up against his lips, but he forced it down. He kept having to remind himself that he didn’t need to lie anymore, not to these two. “Not recently,” he admitted. “I’ve been losing my appetite the past three or four weeks. It had actually increased for a long time after the accident, but now I’m just not hungry.”

Sam pursed her lips thoughtfully. “So around the time your dad started helping you?”

Danny paused as he thought back, though he also felt an odd stirring in his core. Sam and Tucker had listened to every story he told with rapt attention and it made him feel… loved?… that Sam had remembered a detail that small. “Uh, yeah, actually you’re right. Weird. I wonder if it’s related, but how would it be?”

“Okay, don’t freak out,” Sam said and Danny was struck by how unhelpful that sentence was as his initial reaction was to freak out. “I have an idea.”

Danny glanced at Tucker to see if he had any clue what Sam was talking about, but he just shrugged. He didn’t miss the way Tucker’s eyes lingered on him a little longer than necessary before Tucker returned his attention to Sam. This wasn't the first time he had noticed those glances and everytime he did, he had to bury the fear it was Tucker doubting him. He couldn’t explain how he knew that wasn’t it, but somehow he just… knew. Besides, he didn’t… entirely mind them.

“So, you know how some ghosts can sense and feed off emotions?” Sam asked, leaning forward to whisper.

“Uh, yeah?” Danny said with a frown, Spectra coming to mind. He’d told them about his encounters with her, but that was the only feeder ghost he knew of.

“Well, I’ve been doing some reading,” Sam said, patting at her backpack, “and it looks like that’s a common trait. Let me ask - has your appetite dropped even more since telling Tucker and me about you?”

Tucker took a deep breath at Danny’s side, while Danny forgot how to breathe, both realizing what she was saying at the same time. Danny’s eyes widened as he realized Sam was right. He did have another dip in appetite after Sam and Tucker had re-entered his life.

“I’m gonna take that as a yes,” she said, pulling a book - A Goth’s Guide to Ghosts: The Symbiotic Relationship of the Dying and the Dead - out and flipping through it, looking for a specific page. She set the book down, turning it so he and Tucker could read it, pointing at the title of the chapter.

“Emotions and their Nutritional Value?” Tucker read aloud.

Sam nodded, then pointed to a passage further down. “Look here.”

Danny pulled the book closer to him. “‘While most ghosts feed on the negative emotions of people - one of the reasons why ghosts like to hang around the standard goth - some have been theorized to find more sustenance on the emotions of the happy. Therefore, when first attempting to contact your ghostly suitor, it is imperative to ensure the ghost can get appropriate energy from you and your emotions.’”

“Is this a book about keeping ghosts as pets?” Tucker asked, eyes continuing to scan the page.

Danny felt like cement had been poured down his throat. He couldn’t eat human emotions. He couldn’t.

“Honestly, I don’t know, some parts read like the ghost is the pet and others like the human is,” Sam shrugged. “But it has some good information, and that wasn’t the point I was making.”

“You think Danny can eat our emotions?” Tucker said, brows furrowed in confusion.

Danny could barely hear the conversation over his heart thudding against his rib cage, the sound of whooshing blood loud in his ears. He was human. Human. Sure, he’d come to terms with being half ghost (and therefore half dead), but he still felt more human than ghost. If he could eat emotions and not need real food, was he becoming more ghostly?

Was his ghost half overpowering his human half?

“I think so,” Sam confirmed, her voice sounding so far away. "His dad and the two of us? I think he’s sensing, I don’t know… companionship? Safety?”

“Love?” Tucker questioned. Sam nodded, opening her mouth to say something else, but Tucker had realized Danny’s silence wasn’t thoughtfulness - it was panic. “Danny?” he said, shaking Danny’s shoulder gently.

“I can’t,” Danny said hoarsely, shaking his head, refusing to accept it even if he knew it was true.

“Danny, it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with it.” Tucker said gently.

“You aren’t hurting us. The book talks about how it isn’t harmful to humans. We didn't even notice it was happening until now. Spectra sought pain and depression, that’s why she was dangerous.” Sam agreed, reaching across the table and patting the back of one of Danny’s hands.

“How can you be okay with this?” Danny choked out. “You guys, my dad. I’m a freak of nature and you all act like it’s fine. I don’t understand.”

“We’re your friends and your dad’s, well, your dad. It’s fine because it’s you,” Sam said.

“So no more moping about being weird, ‘cuz everyone at this table is a freak,” Tucker added with a laugh and pulled a reluctant smile from Danny. “You’re our friend and we’re not going anywhere. Besides!” Tucker continued, pulling Danny’s plate of spaghetti from in front of him. “Now I get more free food!”

The smile felt weird on his face as he glanced between his two friends. “You’re sure? You still… want to be around me?” He asked. Even though they’d said so many times, he still struggled to believe it.

“You’re the one who can eat our emotions,” Tucker said as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “Are we lying?”

“Or are we just happy to be around you?” Sam added.

Danny hesitated, then closed his eyes and focused on… something. Something within him - like his core but not. There, he could feel it, feel them. Joy, respect, loyalty floated within him, though they were definitely not his own emotions. Shockingly, though, love - romantic love - was one of the brightest and strongest he sensed. He couldn’t tell how he knew, but when he opened his eyes and stared at Tucker in shock, he knew it was Tucker the love was coming from, even before Tucker gave him a shy smile.

Well. That explained the lingering glances recently.

“You’re telling the truth.” Danny said, smiling at Tucker before he turned to look at Sam. That was a conversation for just the two of them, for when they were alone.

“Told you so,” Tucker and Sam said at the same time, pulling a genuine laugh from him.

Two months ago, Danny had been convinced he’d spend the rest of his life suffering alone, especially after his time with the Guys in White (a story he hadn’t told Sam and Tucker and never planned to). 

For so long, Danny had accepted his existence was to suffer, to be bled and broken and bruised over and over, to serve his penance for opening the portal, alone and in agony until he died again. He’d accepted his friends’ hatred, his family’s disdain for one half of him and their disappointment in the other. He’d decided that while his life wasn’t worth fighting for, everyone else’s was, no one else deserved to die for his mistake.

But as he nonchalantly placed his hand on the bench near Tucker’s and their fingers entwined, as Sam changed topics as though this entire conversation hadn’t been impossible, as he remembered everything his father had done for him… he decided that, maybe, just maybe, he was worth fighting for, too.

[flamingplay]

9, 12, 20, 64!

Thank you so much, Maddie, for such good questions! <3

9. favorite smell in the summer?

If we're about June, it's lilac, for sure, had lots of them near my house... And the freshely moved loans after the rainy days... You can guess I miss my homecity, I don't like any summer smells I smell where I live now lol

12. name of your favorite playlist?

I don't like conventionally streaming music, I liked the playlist that my friend showed me with her liked 2022 songs and more and I absolutely adore Jon's (Jonny Buckland's) playlists that he made during quarantine, you can't imagine how much of a gift it is to know and have anything about this man fghjk They're all showing immaculate taste (you can find there The Stone Roses, Funkadelic, Bjork, Talking Heads, Captain Beefheart and His Magic Band, Massive Attack, to name a few) so just listing:

Jonny's 60s playlist [link]

Jonny's 70s playlist [link]

Jonny's 80s playlist [link]

Jonny's 90s playlist [link]

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

I messily leave notes anywhere I can reach to, I've never been good with keeping notebooks even though I always wanted to... So my options are notes apps, pieces of paper lying around, back of my lecture notebooks, some flyers I picked, anywhere lol

64. favorite website from your childhood?

oh, I didn't have internet access or computer until I turned 16, so it's all not about my childhood... There used to be a great website-music-review-blog called Indiebirdie that I read and which influenced my music taste MASSIVELY: this is where I first heard about Everythign Everything with the release of Arc being reviewed just after the release, and that is why I was like "hm, bookmarking" (hecking procrastination) until the release of A Fever Dream with which I finally decided to introduce myself to the band in general, this is where I found London Grammar as the admins there were among the very first discoverers of their music... Lots to remember...

[megbox]

2022 Year In Review

Previous Posts: (2021)(2020)(2019)(2018)(2017)(2016)(2015)(2014)(2013)(2012)(2011)

As I sit here to write this, I am devoid of any profound takeaways or overarching themes to assign to 2022. It's not that nothing happened. On all accounts, it was actually an incredibly eventful year. But in some ways, it feels like all the same stuff. I continue to fall for the wrong people and act out when they behave exactly how one might predict them to. I continue to love running. I continue to advance in my career. I guess the new things about 2022 are that I have had to reckon with some serious changes to my lifestyle due to underlying health conditions that I have only recently become aware of, and I took on the additional challenge of starting graduate school. However, both of these things ultimately push me to be a better person. Particularly graduate school has been the kind of wake up call my brain needed. I can complain all I want about being busy but the reality is that I fucking love it. I love learning statistics and getting a 94% on my assignment and contributing in class discussions and reading articles and actually having takes on them because I'm a real deal professional. It's been good for my ego, if anything else.

And so I present once more: the annual year in review.

January

Sigh. Until I sat down to write this, I completely forgot that I had an entire boyfriend at the beginning of 2022. When I find myself lamenting about the lack of romance in my life, quickly remembering Bryan always does the trick to snap me back into reality. On paper, it should have worked out. Bryan was (is) a great guy, he cared about me and went out of his way to demonstrate that to me. He liked to run. He brought me flowers on Valentine’s Day and once drove two hours out of his way from Canmore to Calgary and back just to drop me off before he went ski touring. We spent a week together in his family’s absurdly beautiful Canmore condo, quarantining after Maddy woke up on January 1 with a positive COVID test after we’d been sharing drinks all night, watching Netflix documentaries about climbing, going in the hot tub, ordering ramen and having a ton of sex.

Dating him felt like dunking my face in ice water. It felt like finally seeing a movie that everyone else has been talking about for years and all the little references in other movies make sense in your brain. It was like… you can ask for that from a boyfriend? And as much as I enjoyed the way he liked me, my stupid brain could not figure out a way to reciprocate those feelings. My friends told me to wait it out, they reminded me that I tend to choose the wrong people and that maybe a slow burn is exactly what I needed. They were totally right. And so I resolved to wait, to give things an earnest chance to develop. But they didn’t. I realized I needed to break up with him when Maddy and I were driving back from Edmonton after a weekend visit with our then-boyfriends. As Maddy gushed about how great of a weekend she had and how she couldn’t wait to see Audla again, I stared at my reflection in the car window, nodding along but feeling a sense of dread creep over me as I reconciled with the fact that I was definitely going to have to break up with the nicest guy I had ever dated.

Hm, January was relatively uneventful. I did a lot of very cold winter running, and Wordle took over my life and the lives of my loved ones.

February

A spin studio opened up approximately one minute away from my apartment in Mission with an unlimited first month deal for $39, so I recall February as the month I became a spin class bitch. February was bitterly cold, and I was still working from home at the time with no other gym membership so it came at a good time. I do love spin class. I went almost every single day, sometimes twice a day. I like the electronic remixes of every song, I like the choreography, I like staring at myself in the mirror on the bike thinking “yes, bitch! Get it!”

I broke up with Bryan. On Valentine’s Day, actually. It was kind of strange. He was in Canmore for a bachelor party the weekend before, and had planned to spend the evening of Valentine’s Day with me because a) girlfriend and b) prevent driving 4 hours from Banff to Edmonton after bachelor party. So even though we had “broken up”, I said he was welcome to still stay here. He definitely thought he was getting laid. I guess you can’t blame him, but… he was not. That was the last day I saw him. We keep each other on social media and toss each other a Strava kudos here and there and that is just fine by me. He has a new girlfriend now who appreciates all of the wonderful things he does the way he deserves.

Ironically, both of these things led to the almost-immediate resurgence of a past lover. Like a karmic message from the universe – here was someone who I never questioned my attraction to. But I’d given up on it when I met Bryan. He lived only a few blocks away from me, and works as a paramedic out of a nearby hospital. As if on cue, he emerged one morning on 4 Street, walking past me in his North Face coat and black Vans. We locked eyes for a split second as I left spin class at 6:50am. Extreme restraint was exercised in not turning around to watch him after I realized who it was. I laughed at the coincidence, smirked, sent a few “Omg guess who I just saw?” text messages and forgot about it. He messaged me a photo he’d taken on our first date with no context a week later.

The Olympics were also on in February and I delighted in spending a lot of time watching snowboarding, skiing, and figure skating while I ate soup dumplings. The Olympics even inspired me to take my own cross country skiing lesson through Active Living at the University. Frankly, a bold move because I signed up all by myself and drove out to Kananaskis and tried a new thing which is highly uncharacteristic. I vividly remember thinking my car was going to run out of gas, and mentally preparing for how I was going to deal with that on Highway 40 with no cell service, I was counting down the kilometres when as if by fate a gas station appeared on the side of the road. I could have cried. I would’ve been so screwed.

March

From March 4-6, I completed the Goggins 4x4x48 challenge. I attempted it last year and failed, and so I was determined this year to do things right. To increase accountability, even though it pained me to do this publicly, I did it as a fundraiser for CommunityWise. I would say that the first ~4 rounds were fun. Lucas stayed over and ran with me outdoors for the midnight and 4:00am runs. There is something so deliciously unhinged about running four miles at 4:00am through the streets of Rideau Park, blasting ABBA. Lucas was also the person waiting for me at the very end of the challenge almost two days later, with a package of macarons and a smile. I feel this experience cemented Lucas and I as really close friends. My quads were aching so hard I could barely walk, I was so sleep deprived that by night two I was in the worst mood and just snapping at everybody, but miraculously we got it done. 77km in 48 hours, and I raised over $1,000 for CommunityWise. I took the Monday off of work but oddly, didn’t even need it. Will I be braving the Goggins challenge again? No. Well… never say never. But also, never.

I also facilitated my first ASIST workshop in March. By a lot of standards, this is an unremarkable thing. But for me, I have a lot of pride in being certified to facilitate ASIST because I feel like it is such a representation of my professional development as a social worker. Two days, eight hours of facilitation per day and it’s not easy. But having jumped through the hoops to become trained, and really just being trusted to teach people these skills and walk them through these difficult conversations. It is one of the most tangible ways in my job I get to actually help my community and have an impact and it feels good. Selfishly, the feedback I receive after every ASIST feels so validating and I’m very proud of myself for having this skill and being an ASIST trainer.

Paramedic Man (also known as, The Short King) and I hung out a few days after I’d finished the Goggins challenge. I remember it was International Women’s Day, and he’d playfully roast me and I’d say, “you can’t say that on International Women’s Day.” I went to the fancy liquor store in Mission and told the salesperson I had a first date, he recommended some wine and said it will for sure get you laid. He was right. I settled into the familiar anxiety of an unpredictable, bread crumb-y situationship. I didn’t think about Bryan at all.

April

I made an unhinged decision (shocker) and accepted an offer from a different previous lover (look, if you take one thing away from this Year in Review, let it me that I am a slut) to come visit him in Squamish over my birthday weekend. I want to be explicitly clear that accepting this offer was not sketchy. Emma and I had met him on our trip the previous summer and he was a perfect gentleman. Carbon restructuring engineer with a penchant for cocktails who took us to a secret cidery. I was legitimately excited but that trip turned out to be the biggest flop of all time. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen such rampant alcoholism up close like that. I don’t know if I didn’t notice it back in August or if things had taken a decline since last summer. The first night was actually good. He picked me up, having just “come from work” he said, and we had a few drinks at the condo he shared with his roommates and their dates, and then we went to a beautiful concert at the Brackendale Art Gallery. We split a bottle of wine and he showered me in compliments and I was like hell yeah, this is what I came here for. The next morning, he was… incapacitated. Literally. He was rocked by such a forceful hangover that there’s simply no way the only alcohol he consumed was that wine. He was literally tremoring! He had promised me a hike to a secret sauna that only the locals knew about. When we finally managed to get him out of bed around 2:00pm, we set out to find the sauna, he forgot where it was and then called it quits. We went for sushi lunch and he ordered a glass of chardonnay and then said he couldn’t stomach anything else. We got back to his place around 4:30pm and he put Rush Hour 2 on Netflix and promptly fell asleep. His roommates had begun their nightly ritual of drinking immediately upon getting home from work so I went down to join them, leaving him in bed. They drank, and drank, and drank. I was so desperate to get the fuck out of there. He was supposed to drive me into Vancouver the next morning to catch my flight but his roommates were going to Whistler to go snowboarding. At one point, clearly having realized I was having the worst time of my life, he asked if I’d be okay with it if he bought me a bus ticket and dropped me off. I was overjoyed. I went to bed and he did not return until 4:00am. My bus was at 6:00am. He was absolutely still drunk when he dropped me off at the bus. I waited until I was within city limits, blocked him on Instagram and have never spoken to him again. Lesson learned. However – the funniest thing to come out of that whole experience was that I was in such shock at the disarray of this man’s life since August that I was constantly updating my friends and I just put everyone in a group chat. At one point I sent a photo of his couch and kitchen counter to illustrate my point and the roasts that came out of that… honestly, maybe worth it.

April was also a special time because I received my acceptance to the Master of Public Health program at the University of Alberta. Just a few days before my birthday! I had kind of forgotten about that application, to be honest, and at that point had no idea how I was going to arrange it with work or pay for it or any of those details. But I can’t deny that receiving that email made my day. It felt good to have a plan, a next step. And you can’t deny that an MPH holds a lot more weight than a BSW or a fricking journalism degree.

May  

Okay, May was actually a very important month of this year. So many of the major things that unfolded over the year can be linked back to origins in May.

Of particular note, the Pet Rabbit Debacle. Paramedic Man knew just how to activate my anxious attachment style and kept making plans with me only to cancel at the last minute. I got mad at him for this and he promised to make it up to me. He came over but was clearly distracted by something on his phone. He kept apologizing, and though I didn’t ask any questions he offered the excuse: “My friend’s pet rabbit ate something potentially poisonous and she’s just freaking out.” I said to him, “if you need to go, you can go” but he declined. At one point, I asked what the rabbit’s name was. “Scully,” he said. “Like, from X Files?” “Yeah, exactly.” I was annoyed. It sounded like the worst possible excuse you could ever use to get out of a date but then he didn’t even have the courage to actually leave. I resolved to stop putting in any effort with him. In the coming days, the Instagram algorithm gave me a precious gift. It’s a tale as old as time, really. He posted something on Instagram, a comment from a girl I recognized as his ex-girlfriend, I visited her page, she posted a photo of a pet rabbit, the rabbit has an account of its own, the rabbit’s name is Scully. The puzzle clicked together in my head. Part of me was like, okay, so the rabbit is real. The other part is like, but… it’s his ex’s rabbit. Now this is where the meddling begins. I noticed she had a mutual follower with a friend of mine from the Famoso days. I texted him, “how do you know her?” Innocently. He said, “she’s my manager at X bar, why?” I asked him, “do you know if she has a boyfriend?” “Yeah, insert Paramedic Man’s name here. Why?” Oops.

I also signed up for (was recruited for, actually) the Kananaskis 100 Mile Relay. Which was really the impetus I needed to get running more seriously in advance of Sinister 7 after having a very lazy spring.

I presented at a conference on May 14, on my Peer Listening program and how to embed peer support into larger networks of formal support. Other post-secondary staff workers attended from all over Alberta. Another check mark for professional development and social worker pride.

On May 16, I donated blood for the first time! This was perhaps the most crucial moment of my entire year, and in a domino effect kind of way, truly changed the course of my life forever and no, I am not kidding. The actual first donation was very uneventful. I walked to the blood clinic, focused on a grey spot on the wall while they took my blood and tried not to faint, downed a Sprite and some Cheetos and went on with my life. Because I am a data nerd, I downloaded the GiveBlood app. A few days later, my “stats” appeared in my account. Hemoglobin. Bleed time.

I spent the May long weekend in Meota, Saskatchewan with Ali, her mom, her stepdad, and his dad, Maurice. We referred to it as her “bachelor party.” It was the kind of perfect weekend that you can only have with someone you love and trust so dearly. I felt like a little kid again, returning to the lakes of Saskatchewan. We went fishing and although I caught a fish both times, I screamed whenever it came near me. Ali and I filmed TikTok dances on the deck late at night. We watched a hockey game and explored the tiny town of Meota with its beautiful golf courses. We went “jeeping” – a Saskatchewan pastime I had not yet experienced but instantly loved until we went to explore a creek and instantly got covered in ticks. If I get Lyme disease, it’s from that creek, for sure.

June

June meant a lot of running. It was like the running equivalent of staying up until 4am the night before a big exam trying to cram knowledge into your brain. Emma’s team from BLG for the Kananaskis 100-Mile Relay had asked me to run a leg, and we had Sinister 7 coming up in the first weekend of July. I had really slacked off in the spring, so I was forced to reconcile this by committing myself to 5-6 weeks (an abysmal amount of time for this calibre of race, unfortunately) of dedicated training. Knowing what I know now about my health at this time of the year, it makes sense why it did not really work. But I appreciated past-me’s hustle.

The actual day of the K-100 was one of my favourite experiences of the year. I asked the team captain, Jared, if I could ride with him in the crew car. We spent like, sixteen hours together in that car. Jared and I had known of one another for a long time through Emma and through the larger running community in Calgary but that day was the first time we had actually had the chance to meet. I have perhaps never hit it off with someone so quickly.  Someone else whose idea of an amazing day is to run 100 miles of Highway 40 with your friends in the summer. My leg went… okay. I took off SO fast, way too fast, and then the rest of my leg was uphill so I did a lot of walk/jogging. It’s actually so sad that this race came at this point in the year. I am capable of so much MORE. But hopefully at some point in the future I am offered an opportunity to redeem myself.

But the absolute best part of June and also one of the best parts of this whole year was that Ali and Cody got married! I had the honour of being a bridesmaid and it was such an incredible day. The bridal party got to Ali’s early and in typical Ceaser fashion there was an absolute SPREAD of every conceivable breakfast and brunch item your heart could ever desire. We got hair and makeup done, drank a lot of mimosas, listened to a lot of romantic pop music, shared a lot of tears. When the torrential downpour started 90 minutes before the ceremony, everyone bit their tongues. Riding to Reader Rock Garden with Matt and another one of the bridesmaids as the rain hit the windshield so fast the wipers could barely keep up, and the cab driver cringed and said, “you said you guys are going to an outdoor wedding?” And it was silent. But in the most beautiful stroke of luck, the sun broke through the clouds like five minutes before the ceremony and Reader Rock Garden was absolutely glistening with fresh raindrops falling off of every radiantly green leaf and flower and my fake eyelashes. I sobbed… absolutely SOBBED when Ali walked down the aisle and through most of that ceremony. Ali is my first friend to get married which somehow just makes sense. But to see it all come together just did something special to my heart. It helps that she married the best guy in the entire world who I also love dearly. Watching something like that happen just makes all of the tears you cried together about much shittier dudes feel irrelevant, barely a blip on the universe of life.

July

So, so much happened in July. It earns bullet points:

I participated in my very first Sinister 7! Sinister 7 was such a fucking trip. It felt like being on the amazing race. Seven Kings Popping Off did exactly what we said we were going to do and absolutely popped off, finishing third (but then were bumped up to second because the second place team was all dudes and were incorrectly registered... #men) for the mixed relay teams. 161km and thousands of meters of elevation gain over seven runners. I contributed objectively the least to this win. If I am being honest, runningwise I did not have the most fun at Sinister 7. I performed poorly, injured myself, and was basically just like the personality hire of the team. Again, I know I am capable of so much more and I look forward to one day being able to show that. But the actual experience of being at the race was incredible. The camaraderie between our team, meeting Elspeth who ran a 50-miler and then hit the Cowboys tent at Stampede the next night, having Reid come out and stay with us and absolutely CRUSH his leg. I felt delirious by the end of it, trudging back into the Airbnb at 3:00am, my drunkness long dissolved.

THEN we visited Eugene for World Athletics Championships. God, there's so much I could write but my focus and patience in crafting this year in review is waning. Highlights: MEETING CRAIG ENGELS AT THE NIKE STORE. Seeing the Canadian men's 4x100m team upset the Americans in the final. Lovely's Fifty Fifty.

And then I topped off my wonderful trip away with a return to Big Valley Jamboree. Inspired by my wonderful friends. Lots of magic mushrooms were consumed. "Chef's Table." The death of Matt's Van. Tim McGraw. Love. Friendship. Margaritas.

August

I decided to focus on heart-rate based training after being in Oregon (and Sinister 7) and seeing all of these effortless distance runners in Alton Baker Park. Again, knowing what I know now about my health, it makes sense that this did not really work. But I have to admit the heart rate training did recalibrate my approach to running. It did amazing things for my stress levels, my mileage was extremely high. While it may not have helped my heart rate come down, there is absolutely merit to integrating phases of heart rate based training in the future and that was valuable learning.

I started school! And what a start it was. A two week, intensive, eight-hours-a-day block week course in which they simulated a flood and gave us harsh deadlines and made us work in teams of twelve. This experience was rendered even more stressful by the fact that what had started out in such a wholesome, lovely way with Jared had now lapsed into long response times. Or just no responses at all. I was simultaneously frustrated with his behaviour and frustrated at myself for letting yet another boy get in the way of being able to apply myself to my work, to my program, and to my own wellbeing. A simple, “hey, we should hang out soon J” text message to somebody who has been pursuing you left unanswered for an entire week. I hate who I become when this happens to me. Checking my phone incessantly. Then muting the notifications anyway because then maybe it’ll spontaneously be there. But it’s not there, ever. The response I was so desperately craving came a week later when I was at Globalfest with Connor. I don’t think we should pursue this. I don’t want to compromise the friend group or our running group. Cue eyeroll. Like, just tell me her name already. I say that now but admittedly, I was pretty devastated.

Another great part about August was that we played in a slow pitch tournament in Okotoks. This was the birth of our new team: Hawaii 5-Slo. Which is the product of a divorce from our previous team, We’d Hit That, where the competitive assholes among us split from the let’s-just-drink-beer-who-cares. I don’t think I need to clarify which team I ended up on. The tournament was actually crazy because it was torrentially bad weather. At one point, we ended up in the Blackfly tent being plied with free 7% bottled margaritas as we watched our paltry tents across the field get whipped by the wind. We played a few games, did poorly, attempted to wait it out and ultimately bailed to spend the night at Megan Kemper’s place in Okotoks which was ABSOLUTELY the right move. We ordered pizza, I took a shower, slept in a real bed. The best part of this tournament was that the team who defeated us in the second morning approached me after the game and asked if I would consider playing with them for the finals because they needed an extra girl. I said yes, went to finals, WON! and made a whole bunch of new friends. I even drove from that game into the city to play another game with them for their CSSC league that night, and continued to sub for them through the fall season.

September

This is where the story of this year becomes much more concerned with my health. In early September, I went for a second blood donation. During the pre-test, they measured my hemoglobin as is standard practice and the nurse noted to me that mine was quite low. No cause for concern, he said, but maybe check it out with your doctor. When my stats showed up in the GiveBlood app (because of course I check my stats), I noted that my hemoglobin was like, really low. Low enough that if it was any lower they would not have taken my blood that day. So I called and got an appointment with my family doctor. She waved it off but said she’d do a blood test just to check. I left the office requisition in hand and promptly stuck it to the side of my fridge on a magnet where it stayed for many many weeks.

The rest of September is a bit of a blur, to be honest. This is where I began the delicate juggling act of full time work, school, running, and just generally living my life.

October

So many things happened in October!

On October 1, I moved to Bridgeland into a really nice little two bedroom apartment with Maddy. Let me tell you, people, Bridgeland is where it’s AT. I had been sleeping on this neighbourhood but it’s easily become my favourite place I have ever lived. I brought all my furniture and Maddy brought all her knick-knacks and plants and our apartment is so fucking cute. My extroverted self also definitely appreciates having a friend and a roommate around. Some people might view moving in with a roommate after living on your own as like, a step backward. But after that lonely pandemic – why would I not take a nicer place, cheaper rent, and company? Please. Definitely one of the best choices I made this year.

I also ran in the Grizzly Ultra! I ran on a team with Rob, and Emma ran her first 50k ultra as a soloist. It was an incredibly beautiful day out in Canmore, like could not ask for a better day. I ran way better than I thought I could! And Rob and I managed to come third for the mixed teams (we really should have come second if I had hustled a little harder at the end). Emma did so well in her solo race and then we went back to the hotel room and drank beers and watched Forrest Gump on the hotel television.

Taylor Swift released Midnights on October 22. I went to a listening party at Carly’s and enjoyed every millisecond of it but especially how excited Carly was.

I played in a snow pitch tournament which, in typical CSSC slow pitch tournament fashion, was a mess. They even had it earlier this year to lessen the chances of this happening but there was SO MUCH SNOW. And it was thick, wet snow. The ball would basically immediately stop wherever it landed on the pitch. It made for an interesting day, that’s for sure. But we managed to win the tournament. And I slept with my teammate after. So, that actually makes me 2 for 2 in getting laid after snow pitch tournaments. And all is right with the world.

I woke up on the morning of October 29 to not one but two late night messages! One of which was from Jared. It’s like clockwork. Give it two, maybe three months and you wake up to a message like the one I got. You would think I would learn. But of course, I never do.

November

In November, I finally got around to getting my blood test and was confirmed to be suffering from severe anemia iron deficiency. This made sense. Symptoms began to piece together a story explained from the viewpoint of anemia. That mid-afternoon tiredness I thought I was curing with a “adrenal cocktail”? The unreasonably high heart rate and lack of progress despite months and months of dedicated training? The coldness and numbness? The frequent headaches? The change I felt when I started on iron pills was incredible.

I also registered for the Saskatchewan Marathon in November, which was scary and exciting at the same time. Me, former racer of the 100m and 200m dash, taking on the 42,200m.

More happened with Jared and I in November but I honestly… don’t want to talk about it. And this is literally my blog so I can write whatever the fuck I want. Let’s just leave it at: he wasn’t very kind. I wish it had never happened.

December

So, here is where the life altering news comes in. In the absence of any glaring cause for anemia, it is standard practice to screen for celiac disease. This is because people with undiagnosed celiac disease often have damage to their intestines that is causing the malabsorption of nutrients. My doctor explained this to me and requested that I have another blood test done. I was so certain that I was not celiac that I did not think anything of getting this test done.

But on December 6, 2022 in my office on My Health Records – I was shocked to see that my level of antibodies were literally off the charts. They were so high they were at a level unmeasurable to the test. I texted my brother. “That’s positive for celiac.”

On December 7, 2022 a call from my doctor’s office. “You’re sure it can’t be anything else?” I asked, desperate. “This is pretty much what we would call a slam dunk, from a diagnostic perspective,” she told me. What ensued was a 72-hour mental breakdown that rivals any heartbreak or trauma I’ve been through before. I don’t know how to explain it. I could. not. stop. crying. Could not stop thinking about everything I can’t do. Everything I can’t eat. Everything I can’t participate in. I had to take like, 10 melatonins just to sleep at night. I cried every time someone said something to me at work. I hid in my office and forced myself to eat Lara bars. But I also just didn’t eat for three days because food suddenly seemed scary, and like the enemy. If I am to be completely honest, I think a large part of this emotional reaction to the diagnosis was also sadness at thinking about my poor body. It may not have felt sick but it was really sick. And I knew something was wrong. Would I have guessed this? No. But I think about all of the work I put this body through and how much I cherish what it does for me and allows me to do. And the fact that I have been really sick. For maybe a really long time. Made me sad. So it was grieving but in a way, also relief. With diagnosis comes labels. It comes restrictions. It comes lifestyle changes. But it also comes answers, explanations, cures. Celiac disease is the only auto immune disease for which there is a full cure. Just don’t eat gluten and your intestines heal and life goes on.

Another piece of life altering news that I got actually a few hours post-celiac diagnosis was that I got a huge promotion and a $12,000 raise at my job. This promotion and raise is absolutely deserved. I work really fucking hard and have been really underpaid at this job for a long time. But given that I’m in a union, it took a lot of advocating for myself and proving my worth to my team in order to be in this position. We are NOT in Kansas anymore. This is serious, real deals social work and I am extremely proud of myself for working my way up to this level in just three years.

2023

In 2023, I look forward to taking control of my health and seeing what a gluten free life does for my mind and body and spirit and intestines. I am already seeing huge progress in my running and I can’t wait to build on it and just… be healthy.

I have SO many good concert tickets in 2023. Death Cab for Cutie (twice), Alvvays, Andy Shauf, Blink 182, Taylor fricking Swift, The Postal Service. Lots of music related travel. A tentative trip to Palm Springs for Stagecoach at the end of April. So much to look forward to.

I also am excited to dedicate myself to marathon training and see what I can do on May 28in Saskatoon!

[petnews2day]

Bourne family hoping to adopt Romanian puppy launch petition to ask Government to lift import ban

New Post has been published on https://petnews2day.com/pet-industry-news/pet-travel-news/bourne-family-hoping-to-adopt-romanian-puppy-launch-petition-to-ask-government-to-lift-import-ban/

Bourne family hoping to adopt Romanian puppy launch petition to ask Government to lift import ban

A family which is waiting to welcome a Romanian dog into their home has launched a petition urging the Government to lift an import ban.

Lisa and Paul Sharp are in limbo waiting to find out when their dog Zac will be able to travel over from his foster home to Bourne after the Department for Environment Food and Rural Affairs (Defra) has banned the import of rescue dogs.

Earlier this year, the couple along with children Lindsay, Maddie and Ethan had already adopted Zac’s sister Nova – both puppies were part of a litter found dumped on a wasteland in a plastic bag – from charity Paws.

Lisa Sharp and her Romanian rescue dogs Nova and Zac (56938611)

DEFRA imposed a ban on importing ‘dogs, cats and ferrets from Ukraine, Belarus, Poland or Romania’ for rehoming and sale over rabies fears and limited quarantine spaces.

Mrs Sharp has been told that the ban is likely to be in place until July 9 and has now launched a petition to ask DEFRA to review and reassess this ban.

She said: “We were due to find out on May 14 about what the next steps were going to be and now DEFRA is saying it will be another two months.

Lisa Sharp is waiting to adopt Zac, who is in Romania (56938596)

“Paws are a legitimate charity that have worked hard for so many years and have checks in place. They are being punished by this blanket ban and resources are starting to run down.

“I want to raise awareness of the problems faced by this legitimate charity.”

Zac and Nova were part of a litter found dumped on a wasteland in a plastic bag without their mum last autumn. Thankfully the charity had been able to track down her down and reunite them.

Reunited: Puppies were reunited with their mum after being dumped on a wasteland

Nova’s stunning face made her stand out to the family, who picked her up from Birmingham in March and she has now become an important part of the family.

She said: “She has brought such unconditional love to us all. She has fitted in with the family like a dream. We now fight over where she is going to sleep.”

The family later made the decision to also adopt Zac, who needs to go to a home with another dog.

Nova and Zac in the plastic bag they were found in

But while they waited for the paperwork to be completed, the ban came into place.

Mrs Sharp said: “The charity is very clear that the animals have all of there vaccinations, passport and paperwork. They go through the DEFRA checks before they come to the UK.

“We were hoping the two puppies will grow up together.”

Nova enjoying her first walk

Defra says the measure has been imposed to protect human and animal health and help officials to continue prioritising refugees fleeing Ukraine with their pets.

A Defra spokesperson said: “Animals without the correct vaccinations and confirmatory tests pose a real disease threat to both our own beloved animals and to people whilst also impacting the rabies-free status we have held for many years.

“Given the serious health risks to humans and animals and following a number of serious instances of non-compliance, we have temporarily suspended commercial imports from four specific countries.

Nova has become an important part of the Sharp family

“This is an emergency measure to keep people’s pets safe and help us to continue prioritising refugees fleeing Ukraine with their pets.”

To support Mrs Shar’s petition go to: https://chng.it/gS42ss6G62

Nova as a puppy

Lisa Sharp is waiting to adopt Zac, who is in Romania (56938593)

Paul Sharp with Nova

Nova on her first day with her new family

Nova enjoying life in her new home

Nova settling into life in Bourne

[madphantom]

Maddie's Quarantine Reviews: Ghosts (1996)

The Plot

What kind of town do you imagine when you hear the name Normal Valley? Probably nothing too Goth-friendly, right? You would be correct! Normal Valley is aggressively normal. Except - it isn't. On a hill outside town lies a spooky mansion in which a mysterious figure only known as Maestro lives. But! The Mayor has enough and the entire town comes to the mansion and tries to threaten Maestro to leave.

Now, of course he's not too happy about that. So he finally proposes a game to the Mayor: The first one of them who gets scared has to leave.

The Characters

There are only two important character, everyone else is in the background and only has a few lines. One of them is the Mayor, played by Michael Jackson. He's a snob. He's the kind of person you'd say "OK Boomer" to. The incredible thing about him is that he's literally played by the same person as his nemesis Maestro. Notice the incredible make-up skills please. They really outdid themselves here.

Then there's Maestro (Also Michael Jackson!!!). He's just a Goth chilling with his Goth friends. He's actually pretty nice to everyone and pretty childish. He's got a few wild tricks up his sleeve that you'll definitely not be prepared for.

My thoughts

Ghosts is what happens when you put Stephen King, Stan Winston and Michael Jackson together, add Phantom of the Opera and Edgar Allan Poe and sprinkle everything with pop music and political messages. It's a clusterfuck of cobwebs, dust, screaming and blue lighting.

I loved it.

It made me laugh and cry and laugh again, and it's just such a funny and creative mess and a great Halloween movie. The message is important and the music is great. So are the special effects, I can't stop stressing that. And the acting. The acting is incredible. I recommend it!

[axvoter]

Blatantly Partisan Party Review XXXVI (federal 2022): Australia One

(This party did not so much as apply for registration, despite soliciting donations to help it do so. It is standing independents instead. Spoiler alert: this is really cooked stuff)

Running where: all mainland states—see list below for electorates so you know if there is an independent you need to avoid

Prior reviews: None, this is a new party, but it emerged from the ashes of the Australian Conservatives (NSW 2019, federal 2019)

What I said before: “Let’s hope these bilious disagreeable people and their miserable party soon collapse in a heap and that after Cory Bernardi’s current term in the Senate expires in 2022 we never hear a thing from them ever again.”

What I think this year: Well, I got part of my wish. Cory’s party collapsed and he did not even serve out his term—he resigned in January 2020. His remaining followers scattered: some back to the Liberal Party, some to One Nation, some to UAP, and some went elsewhere. That’s where Australia One comes in. Riccardo Bosi stood for the Australian Conservatives as the second candidate on their NSW ticket for the Senate in 2019. After the party collapsed, he decided to found Australia One, stood in the 2020 Eden-Monaro federal by-election (coming 13th out of 14) and the electoral district of Nicklin at the Queensland state election (coming 5th of 6), and has become prominent in the covid conspiracist freedom movement.

Bosi has, among other things, led “freedom” rallies. He breached South Australia’s covid rules and then accused a judge of having no standing and of being an imbecile and a traitor. He has threatened terrorist action to shut down water and power if crackpot demands are not met, and called for the hanging of judges and politicians. As well as peddling vaccine disinformation and violent covid conspiracism, he also believes 5G is a tool of the Chinese government.

The Australia One website is a wild ride with pages outlining supposed government policies and practices that breach the constitution. You know you’ve stumbled onto a website of unhinged brane geniouses when there is a “knowledge” menu with options that include “news you don’t see unless you look”. It’s pure “I am the smartest person in the room” conspiracist drivel. Australia One wildly misinterprets legislation for conspiracy-theorist and often sovereign-citizen purposes, appearing to believe that the government wants to microchip and quarantine the population. They peddle the debunked rumour that covid vaccines cause infertility, and employ alarmist anti-choice agitation on abortion that is pure American far-right textbook shit. They also think climate change is a conspiracy, citing the utterly discredited PragerU YouTube channel (the specific video they post has been thoroughly debunked).

The websites for the Australia One-aligned independents espouse similar rhetoric. In general they articulate a sense that the country is being, or has been, stolen from them and they want to take it back. Some of it is quite dangerous, most of it is utterly delusional.

Avoid the following independent candidates, all of whom are aligned with Australia One:

NSW: Riccardo Bosi (Division of Greenway)

QLD: Lindsay Temple (ungrouped independent for the Senate)

SA: Vince Pannell and Maddy Fry (both Division of Barker, oddly enough); Paul Busuttil (Division of Boothby)

VIC: James Laurie (Division of Bendigo); Craig Cole (Division of Casey); Dominique Murphy (Division of Chisholm); Darren Bergwerf (Division of Dunkley)

My recommendation: Give these independents very weak preferences indeed (in the QLD Senate, you can give Temple a weak or no preference—if you vote above the line you won’t need to worry about him anyway)

Website: https://australiaoneparty.com/ for the party and links to the specific indies; there is also a page for the SA candidates at https://sa-independents.com.au/

[letterboxd]

In Focus: The Truman Show.

Inspired by Letterboxd data that revealed it to be a lockdown favorite, editor-at-large Dominic Corry looks at the ever-evolving importance of contemporary masterpiece The Truman Show.

It has long been apparent that The Truman Show is an unnervingly prescient film. The story of a man who becomes aware that his superficially idyllic life is, in fact, a live-streamed television show has gone from being high-concept to every-day.

Thanks to the three Ps—the prevalence of mass urban surveillance, the proliferation of reality television and the pervasiveness of video in social media—the notion of cameras filming our every move is no longer a paranoid fantasy, but real life. The twist being that, for the most part, we all willingly signed up for it, and did all the filming ourselves. As Yi Jian saliently observes in his review: “Not to get all ‘we live in a society’ on Letterboxd but I know a person or two in real life that would actually give anything to trade lives with Truman, it do be like that sometimes”. It indeed do, Yi Jian.

So it’s something of a cliché at this stage to point out how we are all living in some version of the The Truman Show, and you don’t have to be a member of the royal family to feel that way. Yet, somehow, the film has become even more pertinent over the last eighteen months. And it’s a pertinence reflected in the massive uptick in viewership for the film as seen in Letterboxd activity.

During the month of February 2020, the last moment of the Before Times, The Truman Show had a modest 1,235 diary entries. That number tripled in April of that year, by which time the seriousness of the pandemic had become clear. And by July, deep in the worst of the pandemic, Truman fervor peaked, with a further 178 percent leap over April’s numbers, firmly placing it in the top 200 films watched by our members in a year of lockdown. (By the way, ‘diary entries’ mean activity where the member has added a watched date; many thousands more also marked Truman as ‘watched’ in those dark months, but didn’t specify a date.)

It’s not difficult to imagine why we might become more interested in revisiting this eminently re-visitable film. During lockdown, social media—including Letterboxd—took on a greater presence in terms of how we communicated with each other. We got used to seeing footage of faces more than actual faces. We were all the stars of our own ‘Truman Show’, and simultaneously the audience of everyone else’s ‘Truman Show’.

Christian Torres boiled it down effectively when he wrote: “Now every movie I see seems to be related to my life in quarantine. I am Truman and I want to escape.” And Sonya Sandra eloquently captured the film’s increased contemporary significance in her review: “This is a real-life daylight horror film. The best kind. Even more relevant in 2021 than ever. We are all Truman, we all want to find what is real in our fake lives filled with media, capitalism and ideology. And it’s our job to fight the storm and get to the truth of it all. Nothing is real, everything is for profit, and everyone is selfish. Go out and find what is real, because it’s definitely not here.”

With its deft, dazzling blending of the profound and the humorous, the optimistic and the cynical, it’s difficult to think of anything released since The Truman Show that comes as close as it does to being a modern-day Frank Capra movie. It’s hopeful, but has its eyes wide open. There’s a darkness in the themes of the film that is never replicated in the colors on display.

While everyone involved delivers career-best work, we must principally credit the triumvirate of talent at the center of the film: director Peter Weir, screenwriter Andrew Niccol and star Jim Carrey.

Star Jim Carrey and director Peter Weir on the set of ‘The Truman Show’ (1998).

Weir is a director who inspires much online love whenever his name is mentioned, but he isn’t really mentioned all that often. Or at least as often as he should be. The Australian filmmaker has delivered masterpieces across multiple genres, and it’s extremely sad that he hasn’t directed a movie since 2010’s not-quite-true World War II drama The Way Back, arguably one of his lesser works. That’s also, insanely, one of only two movies he’s made since Truman, the other being Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, the wide and rabid affection for which regularly kicks up on Twitter (not to mention demand for a sequel).

Weir doesn’t do many interviews, and while this 2018 Vanity Fair article marking Truman’s twentieth anniversary has many quotes about the film’s modern relevance, Weir doesn’t offer any commentary to that effect, presumably preferring to let the work speak for itself—though in this 1998 interview he did talk about the relationship between the media, the general public and the people we become fascinated with, as a “complex situation”.

The Vanity Fair article does, however, reveal a fascinating ‘what if’ scenario relating to Christof, the god-like director of the in-movie TV show played by Ed Harris, who offers up a pile of pretentious auteur clichés: mononymous, beret, etc. (beyond the whole god thing, that is). When Dennis Hopper, originally cast in the role, wasn’t working out, Weir considered playing the role himself, which would’ve added yet another meta layer. It brings to mind how George Miller styled Immortan Joe (played by Hugh Keays-Byrne) after himself in Mad Max: Fury Road, or how Christopher Nolan’s haircut shows up in most of his films.

Ed Harris as Christof in ‘The Truman Show’ (1998).

And, at one point, it could have gone mega-meta. Weir, in the 1998 interview, talked about a “crazy idea” he had, a technical impossibility back then but easily achievable with live-streaming now. “I would have loved to have had a video camera installed in every theater the film was to be seen [in]. At one point, the projectionist would … cut to the viewers in the cinema and then back to the movie. But I thought it was best to leave that idea untested.” Imagine.

Weir also played a role in helping to shape the originally much more overtly dark screenplay into the cheerier (on the surface at least) shooting script, which is solely credited to fellow antipodean, New Zealand-born Niccol, also a producer on the film. Both men have done the majority of their work in America, but it’s tempting to credit the film’s tone-perfect sense of heightened Americana to the degree of separation offered by their foreign provenance. In any case, it’s clear that open-air mall designers were paying attention.

Niccol’s original screenplay made his name in Hollywood, and revealed a storyteller excited by big ideas. He moved into directing with the smaller-scale Gattaca, released a year prior to Truman (itself delayed to meet Carrey’s availability). Niccol’s subsequent filmography includes several legit bangers (Lord of War hive step up!), and his endearing dedication to lofty allegories in a genre setting makes him an increasingly rare breed in Hollywood.

Like Weir, he is not the greatest fan of giving interviews, but the Vanity Fair piece quotes him making an interesting point: “When you know there is a camera, there is no reality,” thereby making Truman “the only genuine reality star.”

It’s a sentiment echoed by MusicMoviesMe, who writes that “‘Truman Show’ beats all other reality shows out there like Bachelors, Survivors and Kardashians. Come on, when you know there’s a camera at your tail, there’s no reality. So yes, Truman beats all reality shows out there bar none!”

The role was perfectly suited to Jim Carrey’s affected mannerisms, and his status as one of the world’s biggest stars meant he could relate to Truman more than most people. Then, at least. Nowadays, of course, we are all Truman.

“It is always incredible to see how far The Truman Show was ahead of [its] time,” observes The Closer79. “In a world where celebs are monitored 24/7 and we are showered with unnecessary private information on the web, where talent-free wannabes become famous and where you sometimes [wonder] what kind of surreal show society you are in—Truman and his fake show life cleverly have anticipated all of this. Only Truman knew nothing of his luck and he was granted an escape from his glass prison. We don’t really have this possibility… Aren’t we all Truman? Sometimes even voluntarily…”

Austin Burke concurs: “I have always known that I really enjoyed this film, but I had no clue that it would hold up so well years later… Could this be because the strange world that he finds himself in is far more similar to our world today? Possibly, but the idea and themes are so much more relevant now compared to when this originally released.” And while DallasFrance is conscious of piling on about the film’s prescience, his review highlights how there really is no limit to the film’s meta qualities:

“Instead of writing a review about how this film predicted social media, or how we’re all Truman, or yadda yadda yadda, I’ll instead fixate on the miraculous fact that two absolute legends were cast as primary viewers of the Truman Show:

1. The old lady from The Running Man who starts betting on Ben Richards (Arnold Schwarzenegger). ‘He’s one bad motherf*cker!’

2. The villain from The Karate Kid Part II:

‘Live or die, man?!’ ‘Die!’ ‘Wrong!’ *hooooonnnkkk*

I’ve never seen either of these actors in any other roles. With the second one, I felt like I was watching a character from my childhood watch a character from his childhood come to realizations about the characters in his childhood. So actually… the movie’s really about me.”

Never change, LB membership.

We are all generally pretty aware of how ahead of its time The Truman Show was, but that doesn’t lessen its impact. Maddie’s review shows that there’s always some new angle to consider: “Imagine being an extra in this movie… You would be an extra, playing an actor, playing an extra. Think about that long enough and tell me that doesn’t make you want to walk into the ocean.”

Kev goes even further: “Watching other people watch somebody else while also watching that person while also watching the person watching over that person is a great reminder that watching is weird, and to be watched is to not own yourself. Don’t watch, don’t try to be watched. Just live.”

Or perhaps Will encapsulates the film’s ability to present an ever-evolving message best, writing that, “clearly, this is video proof that we live in a simulation.” Beyond mere prescience, The Truman Show is a telling mirror to whatever era it is viewed in. Its message will continue to evolve.

Now that we’re finally (touch wood) emerging from the pandemic, it will be fascinating to see what The Truman Show has to say about its audience and the world they live in, in years to come. Rest assured, it will be well-documented by you, the Letterboxd audience.

Also: can Peter Weir please make another movie? Like, seriously.

Related content

A Meta-Reality: Robert’s list of layers of film in life and life in film

Follow Dom on Letterboxd

[recommendedlisten]

With so much great music being made, some albums are always going to be overlooked come the end of the year. Time is the biggest hurdle with that. Be it a lack there of to cover every artist with a new album cycle, needing more of it to give a great listen the full attention needed to digest, or the timing of a release just not hitting the same way it does months later, it can grow more difficult by the day to take in everything while appreciating it.

This year, Recommended Listen is taking a look at some of the best overlooked albums on these pages throughout 2020. These are albums that weren’t fully reviewed, found on any volume of Listen to These., on this year’s Best of 2020 lists in any form, and in some cases, not mentioned even in track or video coverage at all. You may already be familiar with some of them, but it would remiss to not given them their due. As the year wraps up, let this be a reminder that discovering new music has no expiration date either.

Arca - KiCk i [XL Recordings]

KiCk i is the the first in a purported four-part series from electronic music reinventor Arca, and with its timing of being released in the midst of the summer’s busy release schedule, it’s understandable how a listen that demands an attentive ear could get lost in the mix. KiCk i, similar to that of Arca’s kindred experimentalist Bjork and her own avant-pop rendering Volta, is still both the artist’s most accessible formation to date, and yet, an alien aural experience by modern pop music standards in the way its human construction collapses and glitches with intention. What we hear here, however, is Arca coming to the forefront of her sound with her voice being used as both instrument and narrator, blurring the lines between any one kind of convention.

Charli XCX - how i’m feeling now [Atlantic Records]

She’s the main reason this post exists, but when she released the year’s first certifiable quarantine album, it didn’t quite hit the same way it does now in December. That’s not to say that how i’m feeling now was not understood upon initial impact -- it seems to be a going theme that Charli XCX works her best experimental pop magic when she’s moving fast and quickly -- but at the start of springtime when the fears of the pandemic were at their most fresh and agonizing, it was difficult to get into the same space as that which she had carved out in the dark using black diamonds and digital euphoria. Time heals, though, and just as Pop 2 sparkled in its own winter, Charli’s isolation feeling wears better forever in the cold just like December.

Dua Lipa – Future Nostalgia [Warner Records]

To call Dua Lipa’s Future Nostalgia an overlooked album is technically a huge overstatement considering it has been near the top of most major publication’s year-end list and she’s earned the title of 2020’s biggest pop star not named Taylor Swift. Future Nostalgia, much like the Weeknd’s After Hours, came into view at the worst possible timing, however -- Those first arduous weeks of lockdown when the last fucking thing on your mind at that time was club music and dancing. Still, the UK songwriter’s energy has prevailed at the end of 2020 with its funky synthesis of disco, electronica, and futuristic pop production. It may be one of the few things in pop culture this year we feel wistful about when we hear it a decade from now.

Fontaines D.C. - A Hero’s Death [Partisan Records]

Another overlooked listen that fell victim to a super-saturated summer release schedule, maybe it’s better than Fontaines D.C.’s A Hero’s Death, in all of its desperate lamentations, be appreciated during these wintry months than late under the scorching July sun. The most surprising revelation behind the theatre curtain of the Dublin post-punk band’s sophomore effort is in the manner which frontman Grian Chatten has sunken his working class shouting matches into the foci of a bleaker state of mind, and yet, not at the expense of dark comedy and appropriate growl. A Hero’s Death may be a quieter raucous from Fontaines D.C., and also one that suggests that the depths of their sound are most visible when methodically circling the drain.

A Hero's Death by Fontaines D.C.

Infant Island - Beneath [Dog Knights Productions]

We are in the throes of a screamo revival, though Infant Island are a whole different behemoth in that realm on their sophomore outing Beneath. Here, the Virginia-based five-piece eviscerate the scene’s intensity through charring post-rock epics and answering back at the void with raw, bleeding screams. Their style -- a bastion of hardcore, black metal, and beautifully atmospheric rock echoes -- barrels in with it the heaviest kind of weight on the soul every time Infant Island awaken from the pitch black craters. Ultimately, it consumes you and leaves you in their ash.

Beneath by Infant Island

LOMA - Don’t Shy Away [Sub Pop]

One of the things we are slowly, but surely beginning to see in indie rock and guitar-based rock right now is that artists are once again gaining confidence in sounding atypical. LOMA -- the trio of songwriter Emily Cross, multi-instrumentalist and recording engineer Dan Duszynski, and Shearwater frontman Jonathan Meiburg -- quietly are making these strange moves in the further out regions of their sophomore effort Don’t Shy Away. Informed by desertscapes, forests, occult energy, and its own divinely defined relationship between earth and soul, the listen absorbs both the physical and spiritual worlds through sound with LOMA acting as its vessel to communicate between each.

Don't Shy Away by LOMA

Peel Dream Magazine - Agitprop Alterna [Slumberland Records]

Some of the most interesting sounds coming from the next generation of shoegaze shape-shifters this year weren’t always the ones that filtered feedback through a dark, brooding punk heaviness. Akin to fellow breakouts Dummy, Peel Dream Magazine -- the moniker of NYC songwriter Joe Stevens -- is veering far away from those boundaries as well as those in some of today’s indie rock traditionalism with a lush, sun-bent projection on the sound that is entrancingly weird and dilates inner elation. On Agitprop Altnerna, Peel Dream Magazine sophomore effort, the band’s music achieves a new level of metaphysical experience through its collaborative cast, enriching the colors dispersed by its prism.

Agitprop Alterna by Peel Dream Magazine

Porridge Radio - Every Bad [Secretly Canadian]

Porridge Radio were a victim of their own buzz here on Recommended Listen upon the UK post-punk band’s release of their acclaimed sophomore breakout Every Bad. It admittedly happens when an indie rock band with all of the press envy going for them already in every place else (especially with bigger publications) equates to putting their work on the backburner here so that other lesser-covered independent artists can get due coverage just as well. Every Bad is very good, though, with guitarist Dana Margolin tapping into a dynamic,, aggressive side of intimate melancholia with her emotional voice as keyboardist Georgie Stott, bassist Maddie Ryall and drummer Sam Yardley steer the storm in the rough seas of life around her.

Every Bad by Porridge Radio

R.A.P. Ferreira - purple moonlight pages [Ruby Yacht]

2020′s rap game was ruled by its underground hive, and purple moonlight pages was part of writing that story. As the restart button for R.A.P. Ferreria, f.k.a. the prolific Milo, this album hears the man behind the moniker, Rory Allen Philip Ferreira, breaking down the barriers surrounding his bars for an experimental foray into jazz-informed rhymes given a brassy luster by producer and multi-instrumentalists Kenny Segal and his crew, the Jefferson Park Boys. Coupled with poetry of both the personal and the philosophical, the limitless rhythm and flow moving throughout purple moonlight pages has found a place for R.A.P. Ferreira's work where the free art and the perfected in prose can coexist.

purple moonlight pages by R.A.P. Ferreira

Samia - The Baby [Grand Jury Music]

Emotional guitar music being vesseled inside finely-crafted indie rock songwriting is once again in a better place than it’s been left these past several years, and an artist like Samia Finnerty is going to be helping taking it further with her own pen in it after releasing this year’s breakout full-length debut The Baby. If you found yourself humming along to the coming-of-age buzz around the glossy Gen Z navel gazing of UK pop-rock export beabadoobee, this collection of songs by Samia may actually cut keeper below the surface thanks to the way she lyrically mediates life’s darkness and young tribulations adulting during a fucked up time in history with a rose-tinted canvas in her sound. She feels its all, and you’ll feel seen, too.

The Baby by Samia

SAULT - UNTITLED (Black Is) & UNTITLED (Rise) [Forever Living Originals]

The identities behind the collective members of SAULT are as hard to pin as the release dates of their albums themselves, which in 2020, had a tendency to drop out of nowhere and made for two of this year’s most enigmatic moments in alluring sounds from unknown places with their breakouts UNTITLED (Black Is) and UNTITLED (Rise). Each listen arrived as bookends between the epicenter of a summer of protest and resistance across the globe, with the UK band’s fusion of house, experimental electronic, and modern R&B creating a document on the ongoing cultural evolution of these Black-centric styles, but as a medium to confront racial issues through an artfully accessible message.

UNTITLED (Black Is) by SAULT

UNTITLED (Rise) by SAULT

The Weeknd – After Hours [Republic Records]

After Hours is another example on this list of an album you would handedly lose an argument in technically calling “overlooked” considering the Weeknd’s Starboy streaming power and chart-topping success is not losing momentum any time soon. It did go up against a huge emotional wall when it was initially released right as lockdown mode was more on the mind than donning fashionable heathen pop, though, even if it's Abel Tesfaye’s strongest collection of post-breakup wreckers and R&B sizzle perfected through the cool currents of his Uncut Gems score collaborator Oneohtrix Point Never and the always-slick singles synthesis of Max Martin’s hand. Grammys don’t mean a thing, but in the pop universe, it's weird when one of its biggest names can't get a nom at the top of their game.

[midnight-star-world]

2020 CMT Music Awards

So today on the MSR (Midnight Star Review), I am going to talk about and review the 2020 CMT Music Awards that originally aired on CMT (Country Music Television) which is channel 327 on Directv and was at 8pm EST (Eastern Standard Time) on Wednesday October 21st, 2020.  This show took place in Nashville, Tennessee and was co-hosted by Kane Brown, Ashley McBryde, & Sarah Hyland from Modern family.  On this review, I will give you all the award winners, and who I thought should have won according to MSR (Midnight Star Report) which is my weekly Country Music Countdown.  And of course at the end, I will also give my performance of the night.  So lets get started now.

Performances. Luke Combs with Brooks & Dunn - 1,2 many. Sam Hunt - Hard to forget. Ingrid Andress - Lady like. Maren Morris - To hell & back. Ashley McBryde - Martha Devine. Travis Denning - After a few. Morgan Wallen - Chasin' you. Gabby Barrett - I hope. Dan + Shay - I should probably go to bed. Caylee Hammack - Just friends. Kane Brown - Worship you. Jimmie Allen & Noah Cyrus - This is us. Mickey Guyton - Heaven down here. Shania Twain - Whose bed have your boots been under? Luke Bryan - What she wants tonight. Riley Green - If it wasn't for trucks. Kelsea Ballerini & Halsey - The other girl. Hardy - One beer. Little Big Town - Wine, beer, whiskey.

Awards (Who won what, & who should have won).

Dan + Shay - Duo video of the year - I should probably go to bed.  This one should have gone to Maddie & Tae or Locash.  They did better on MSR (Midnight Star Report), but I do get this is a fan voted award show.

Carrie Underwood - Female video of the year - Drinking alone.  This one should have gone to Maren Morris - The bones.

Granger Smith - Quarantine video of the year - Don't cough on me!  I didn't know this was part of the show.  So I had no opinion on this award.

Jennifer Nettles (Sugarland) - Equal play award.  Another award I didn't know about.

Chris Young - CMT Performance of the year - Drowning.  He should have won this award with that performance.  He stepped in for Kane Brown after Kane loss his friend.

Luke Bryan - Male video of the year - One margarita.  This was the best choice out of the ones they have selected.

Gabby Barrett - Breakthrough video of the year - I hope.  This one should have gone to Travis Denning who stayed on the chart forever it seemed like.  And he did sent a record with After a few.

Old Dominion - Group video of the year - One man band.  They should have won this and they did.

Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani - Collaborative video of the year - Nobody but you.  This one I picked Thomas Rhett & Jon Pardi - Beer can't fix.  That song earned both a spot on my artist of the year special which is still to come.

Carrie Underwood - Video of the year - Drinking alone.  The video I picked for this one didn't even make the first cut.  I picked Sam Hunt - Hard to forget.  Sam Hunt has earned a spot on my Artist of the year as well.

And that's a wrap for the show.  And the performance of the night I would give to Kane Brown for the 2nd award show in a row.  Thanks for taking the time to read this review.  And I am giving this show a 3 out of 5 stars.  There were some award winners that deserved it and some that did not.  And I am a fan of new music which is why I picked Kane Brown for the performance of the night.  And also this show took place on Kane Brown's Birthday.

[wanderingcas]

so I’m basically an unathletic stick and I’d like to get a little buff, or at least toned but I’m so lost with how to start that process. any advice/personal stories? thanks sam!

i just worked out to the point where i wanted to die so I thought: WHAT BETTER TIME TO ANSWER THIS ASK lol

my work out journey is paved with good intentions but is still a work in progress, every day. half of this is because i never did sports as a kid, the other half of it is i’m basically scrapping together things i’ve learned from word-of-mouth/the internet. but hopefully some of my personal experience will help:)

find a workout you enjoy. i cannot stress this enough. it can be as conventional as running, or as unconventional as playing volleyball on the beach three times a week. whatever gets your heart pumping, and works out your muscles: DO IT. for me, my perspective on working out changed so dramatically when i started biking around the trails by my house. it was fun, and i didn’t even see it as a workout.

there is no “one size fits all” workout. when i first started working out, i stuck very strictly to the advice of “if you want to lose weight, work out 3 times a week vigorously for 25 minutes, or 5 times a week moderately for 20 minutes”. this just didn’t work, because a) i was a stressed out grad student working on my dissertation and b) i have chronic asthma and ANY kind of physical exertion, even walking fast, was a major feat. so while you’re picking out your favorite work out, don’t feel boxed in by how much you should work out - find out what balance works for you and slowly push it from there! (for me, since i got nothing better to do during quarantine right now, it’s working out every other day, and taking walks for an hour a day in between). which leads me to:

set reasonable goals. i cannot stress this enough. my goal two years ago was “lose 20 pounds” and, you guessed it, i ditched working out within the first week lol. once i set something reasonable, like “lose 2 pounds by the end of the month”, or “bike for 2 hours this week”, i not only accomplished those goals, i felt awesome. AND, as you accomplish those goals, you can start adding new ones - and before you know it, you’ve gone really far:) (i.e. i lost those 20 pounds through small 1-2 pound increments, god damn it)

have a buddy. even if it’s an online buddy, or a buddy that isn’t working out with you - have someone who you can share your accomplishments with, and have them cheer for you. you can have a weekly check in type thing, where you share all your accomplishments that week (because, lets be real, even getting out of bed to work out for 5 minutes is a HUGE accomplishment!) if you want, you can come to my inbox and scream about it ;) 

be patient with yourself. working your body - whether you want to lose weight, build muscle, or finally parkor that fence to that mysterious radioactive plant by your house that you’ve always wanted to explore - is a big challenge, and one that’ll really test your limits. you will have bad days and great days. keep in touch with your body in what it’s telling you, and don’t punish yourself if you can’t do a workout that day.

now that i’ve rambled… here’s some resources!! i’ve told you a lot about working out psychology but not a whole lot of practicality lol. obviously, the easiest way to work out is join a gym, and have your pick with a plethora equipment. but we’re all quarantined and disposable income is tight, so here’s some free stuff to get you going!!

MADFIT youtube channel

I love this channel. Maddie has a really positive personality in her videos, AND she has such a huge variety of videos to choose from: from beginning workouts, to abs, to advanced stuff. plus, she’ll describe the workouts in a really succinct way and it’s all really easy to follow along. highly recommend starting with one of her beginner videos! 

POPSUGAR youtube channel

ok, gotta admit…. these videos are so preppy that i just end up turning the volume down. but the workouts are GREAT. if you’re the type of person that needs loud positive happy reinforcement, these videos are DEFINITELY for you!!

VeryWell fit website

if you want to read an article about burning fat, building muscle, or have nutrition questions, this website is for. most of the articles are medically reviewed and they’re very informative. i’ve consulted this website thousands of times.

[elliepassmore]

The Enigma Game Review

4.5/4 stars Recommended for people who like: action, WWII, historical fiction, multiple POVs, Code Name Verity

The Pearl Thief review Code Name Verity review

TW: period-typical racism, hinted homophobia (minor) I contacted Wein about a year or two ago asking if she'd ever write something about Jamie before he begins his Moon Squadron work, so I was delighted when this book hit Goodreads and itching to figure out what mischief Jamie had been up to. Ellen was another welcome face, as I had wondered what War Work she might do after I read Pearl Thief. Louisa was more of a wildcard and I was curious how she'd fit into things being only 15 and too young to enlist, but her work as a caretaker for Jane fit perfectly with the events of the book that her involvement made sense. When the book opens Louisa is newly orphaned and desperate to help the War Effort. Coming from a somewhat musical family myself, I can appreciate how attuned she is to it and the connections it helps her make throughout the book. And I love the detail that music helps calm her, it's one of those little things that makes characters more real. Though her actual job is a caretaker to Jane, Louisa has a brave streak a mile wide and gets involved in Ellen's hostage situation, not only keeping Ellen calm, but also calming the German pilot by showing a similar taste in music, eventually leading to the pilot informing her of the location of his Enigma machine. There are times in the book where she gets scared, mostly when there are nearby bombings or the time she's flying with Jamie's crew and a Messerschmidt pounces on them, but the notable thing about her fear is that she's able to work through it. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be historically accurate without period-typical racism, and so we do see Louisa facing some of that, sometimes more subtle than others, but it does occur multiple times throughout the book. Ellen is another narrating character in this book and it's jolly good to see her opinions about things, both about the war, the other characters, and the life of a Traveller in Britain. Ellen is a rather fierce character and is eager to get going with the Enigma once it's found out. She's working in Auxiliary Transport Services (ATS), meaning she gets to shuttle people from the aerodrome to wherever they need to go, and occasionally picks up stray passengers, like Jane and Louisa, if they're on her way. She's also big heart and is free with showing it, worrying over Jamie and some of the other pilots, enjoying time with Jane, and making fast friends with Louisa. Like with Louisa, Ellen also faces some prejudice, though hers is due to being a Traveller, which she takes great pains to hide in order to start fresh. Jane I suppose is technically a side-character, but she plays such an important role that I decided to include here here with the main characters, though she never does get a POV. Despite having a poorly-healed broken hip and needing canes to get around, Jane is an extremely spirited elderly woman who is more than happy to get involved translating German for POWs and the Enigma machine. She's also a huge troublemaker and willing to talk back and sass and get in on the action, even when it involves fires, guns, or exploding bombs (she's actually a bit what I imagine an old!Julie would be like). Jane bonds rather instantly with Louisa over their shared love of music and the two of them come into the habit of performing duets on the piano. Being German, Jane also shares some of Ellen's fear of being discovered, though it hardly comes up in the book. Poor Jane exhibits early signs of Alzheimer's, though they either don't have a word for it or don't recognize the symptoms, because it's largely written off as Jane being a bit of an escape artist or the assumption that she's trying to commit suicide (the people at That Place are the ones to suggest that, and there are times when it seems true, but other times where her actions do come across as just early dementia). And finally Jamie, whose full name we finally discover. He lives up to his characterization in the other three books, encouraging those around him, willing to square up to bullies, and mostly being a rather relaxed person. He's also a complete and utter rule breaker and it's a blooming miracle he didn't end up court-martialed before the events of CNV or Rose Under Fire. While Louisa knows she needs to turn the Enigma in to someone, and Ellen knows that Jamie can handle things w/ the Enigma, and though both of them want to keep a hold on it, it's really Jamie who suggests they keep it as their own private decoding device, using it to tally up wins for Squadron 648, his crew of Bristol Blenheims that's been seeing a bad streak and is rapidly losing pilots. He's still a bit of a loon, and we see that tendency of his to let civilians into operational missions, but we also get to see more of his older brother tendencies, wanting to protect Julie and Louisa even knowing it could blow back on him. Nancy Campbell, Jane's niece and the woman who hired Louisa, is one of the main side-characters and is actually rather rude to Louisa and Jane, but has a soft-sport for the pilots. Despite her tough outer layer, Nan really does have a big heart and is devastated whenever one or more of the pilots don't make it safely back. Phyllis is another side-character, though she works in WAAF like Ellen, only in debriefing. She's a steadying influence and seems to move with Squadron 648, growing as close to them as Nan, though with a far nicer exterior and a rather prim demeanor. And, of course, lovely Julie shows up about two-thirds into the book and my god it's wonderful to see her again. There are a few bits where she seemed unsure of her Intelligence role, which we don't really get to see in CNV, but I thought it was a nice touch for Wein to show us Julie isn't 100% confident all the time, and in a different way than that was showed in Pearl Thief. I really enjoyed the plot of the book, with the balance of keeping the Enigma machine hidden and still using the data received from it. There's a good bit of flying in this one, which is one of my favorite parts of CNV and Rose Under Fire and was unfortunately missing from Pearl Thief, though I suppose it wouldn't've made sense there. After reading this I'm desperate to know what Ellen and Louisa do for the rest of the war. Jamie, we know, goes onto the Moon Squadron per Maddi's recommendation, but since CNV tells a rather limited version of events from 1940-43, and Rose doesn't know Julie, or Jamie really, we don't get a ton of breadcrumbs about the girls. With any luck, Wein's next book will have something to do with one or both of them...or maybe we'll get an eventual reunion after the war. And not anything about the book itself but buckets of blood it took me forever to get my hands on this. It was published in the UK mid-May but doesn't get published in the US till November (thank you Waterstones), and despite the USPS claiming international mail isn't being put through quarantine, it definitely is and I was not notified, and only got the book last week after waiting near over a month for it.

[numberonepapermaker32]

I was just telling myself... Dystopian fiction coming alive

...how I should revisit some of my older dystopian reads since this friggin’ quarantine feels like a scene straight out of one of those scenarios. And I found this half-read novel by Katie Kacvinsky. It was in mid-2014 that I tried it, after reading the “Delirium” trilogy. At that time I read a lot of dystopian fiction, feeling hopeless while unemployed and unable to take MA studies in Culturology. That distant feeling is distant no more now that we’re living in close quarters and afraid for our physical and mental health. So, here goes, my review of “Awaken:”

Spoiler alert!!! Even though I didn't finish this book, my review will contain some of the story segments! The dystopian genre is one of my favorites, so I'm really nit-picky about everything I read from the said category. "Awaken" starts off rather interestingly. In Chapter One we get the image of the world the heroine lives in. The year is 2060 and life has become electronic in all its aspects. People rarely leave their homes, since they have all they need inside. Online character building makes them more secure, seeing as how everyone can delete any flaw of theirs with a single click, leaving thousands of contacts ("friends") with the best possible image of them (familiar???). Everything is controlled, food, exercise, traffic, there is no physical contact whatsoever between humans and even trees and plants are synthetic. In the midst of all this unnaturalness, the heroine, Maddie, spots subtle glimpses of the life that once was but is no more, such as a flock of black birds flying above her. The heroine's character shift is not so subtle, though. Her last name is FREEman (ironic much?? ). Very soon we get the idea that she's going to stray, and this is a fact I didn't particularly like. There was no building of her feeling of alienation, no development. I'm not saying this is necessarily bad, it's just that I personally disliked it. E.g.: "When Dad left town it was as if a strangling collar was unfastened from my neck." "Sometimes I pretend I'm running away." "I wanted something in my life that looked misplaced (...), that didn't fit in." "It makes me wonder if I really know anybody." On the other hand, I very much liked some of the details, like how Maddie notices people's scents, or how she uses art as an escape from her suffocating life, for example, painting birds on her bedroom ceiling, dancing at the concert, reading "obsolete" books. The reason I wasn't able to finish this book, and probably won't any time soon (if ever), is that it felt too much like "Delirium". I've read that both books came out in 2011 and I don't know if some overlapping facts were accidental or not, but I personally read "Delirium" first, and loved it immensely, so this felt like "seen it already", for example with Justin liking fire since he'd been a kid (just like Alex), Maddie hurting her leg during an interception (just like Lena during the raid at the forbidden party), Maddie escaping from home right when she was supposed to go to Detention Center (just like Lena escaping over the fence right when she was supposed to be cured of Love), etc. Although I didn't finish it, I would actually recommend this book, if anything just to warn us of what our world could easily become if we continue to distance ourselves from one another and keep on entirely relying on computers/machines/devices.

[iseeskiesofblueandcloudsofwhite]

Within the Fog

Summary:

Maddie was looking forward to getting away after a long quarantine avoiding coronavirus. She booked a rental that boasted luxury and relaxation, but she didn’t get what she paid for. Instead of escaping Maddie becomes tangled in local folklore and becomes trapped by the very thing she wanted to escape. 

 Within the Fog:

It was one in the morning and Maddie felt like she was suffocating. She slipped out of bed and down the stairs past an old baby crib left haphazardly broken in a cardboard box. Not knowing what to do with herself Maddie paced the ground level of her and her husband's colonial turning on all the lights. It had been over a year since coronavirus started and she desperately needed to get away. She needed a fresh start, if only for a little while to get away from the life that she was living. And now with vaccines around the corner Maddie was looking to leave asap, although the fear of coronavirus usually convinced her to turn her searches on vacation plans off. Maddie flicked on her computer. She couldn’t live like this anymore, she needed to break free. 

Her husband must have been looking at vacation stays as well because the screen flicked on to a cabin in the woods that was a few hours away from Maddie’s house in the cypress wetlands of Georgia. Maddie kept on scrolling. It looked modern and chic complete with a large porch, a claw foot tub, king sized bed and picture windows that gazed upon an “emerald forest”. The cabin was located in a town called Fairbanks which was described as out of the way and cozy with a general store and friendly locals. Maddie looked at the cabin with delight. She could see herself with her husband making love or even just holding each other like they did when they first met, before life had dealt them a cruel hand and they were locked with the reminders of their past for years. 

Before consulting with Dave, Maddie emailed the owners to book the cabin for the long weekend. She sensed that Dave was also stressed out, and this was their opportunity to get out of this rut in their marriage. A few seconds after Maddie sent the email she got a message back. 

“We have no bookings from April 9-11th. We would be glad to have you stay.” The email stated. Maddie smiled, the first smile she felt in a long time.This might just be the very break that she needed. With something to look forward to Maddie felt her eyelids getting heavier. She went back upstairs and slipped into bed next to her husband, with calm thoughts. 

The dirt road to Fairbanks tested their truck’s suspension with potholes and thick mud. Out of the way was an understatement when describing the location of this cabin. Maddie had lost cell phone service hours ago and the GPS was on the fritz. Not to mention that the hour road trip was stretched into two hours due to the fact that the roads were in terrible disrepair. Maybe that detail would not be so important if Dave had insisted that he work a full day before they drove down and now it was almost dusk. 

“I still can’t believe that you booked this cabin without consulting me.” Dave scoffed. 

Maddie furrowed her brow and tried to concentrate on the passing palmetto leaves. 

“I was a surprise Dave, you were supposed to be happy about it. Plus look, we are getting away and enjoying one another. I think that is what we really need.” Maddie replied. She was semi hurt that Dave wasn’t as enthusiastic about spending time with her anymore. 

“In five hunderd feet take a right, then your destination is on your right,” the robotic voice of the GPS demanded. 

Dave slowed down near a patch of woods where the GPS told them to turn. There was nothing but swamp and cypress in the distance. 

“There must have been an old road here that is now overgrown,” Elizabeth murmured.  

“Well now what?” Dave said slapping his driving wheel. 

“We go straight and have the GPS reroute us, or find a town and ask for directions,” Elizabeth suggested. 

Dave drove the truck a few feet forward. 

“GPS signal lost,” the GPS chirped. 

“Just keep on going down this road, we will get it back or find something I am sure”  Maddie said. 

Turning a corner Maddie could see a gas station on the right side of the road, hidden by a few trees. 

“Here pull in here and ask for directions.” Maddie insisted. 

As they pulled in Maddie started to feel like she regretted her decision. Where the two gas pumps were not rotted though they were tattooed with graffiti. Past the gas pumps was a shack of a building that looked like it was distinctly made out of haphazard parts of other buildings. 

“Maybe we should just stick to our original plan, I’m sure that the GPS would pick up soon enough.” Maddie suggested.  

“If we don’t get there soon we will be lost in the dark. We will just go in, ask for directions and come out. I’ll just go if you want me to.” David said, turning off the truck. Maddie nodded as David jumped out of the vehicle into the gas station. He was only a couple of moments before he was back in the truck. 

“He says the turn off is a few miles down the road. We will come to a fork and then we will take a left, the cabin will be a few yards to the right.” David stated, as he started up the truck. 

It was getting darker and Maddie could only see the silhouettes of trees against the sky. Finally after a good 15 minutes they arrived at the cabin. Maddie pulled out a flashlight she packed and inspected her rental. Even though the small vein of light that the flashlight provided, Maddie could tell that the cabin was not what was advertised. For starters the whole cabin was smaller and clearly neglected. The large wrap around porch that the website boosted was rotten in places and moaned with pain when Maddie tried to move across it to the front door. Once getting into the cabin Maddie found a single bare lightbulb. Turning on the switch next to it Maddie could see the king sized bed with a mattress that was badly stained. Next to that was the claw leg tub that still had strains of pubic hair in it. The large picture windows were curtainless and reflecting the darkness of the night like black holes in the walls. 

“No we can’t stay here tonight. That mattress is disgusting and the floors are filthy.” Maddie insisted making her way back to the front door. 

“Your kidding right? It’s fine. Plus it’s  another two hours back in the pitch dark. We will put our bankets down on the mattress and sleep there and reassess tomorrow.”

“Ok but I am totally going to take pictures and give horrible reviews when I get back.” Maddie murmured unpacking their sleeping blankets. That night Maddie couldn’t sleep. She knew what sounds to expect from swamps. The humming of bugs or occasional thrashing of an alligator. But this swamp and cabin was silent. Dead silent. 

“Dave? Dave?” Maddie called from the bed. 

She couldn’t tell what time it was because there was no clock. Maddie looked out the window. A thick soupy fog lingered engulfing the cabin. Maddie got up and walked around the cabin. She opened up the cabinet finding a lone can of coffee grounds that looked like it came from the stone age. Ignoring the coffee Maddie made her way to the front porch. On the front porch Maddie found a note. Went out to get groceries-Dave. Maddie balled up the piece of paper with her fist. Maddie gazed at the foggy woods. The Cypress trees looked like shadows of people and the water on the soggy ground they stood on was an inky black. Getting anxious Maddie wrapped her arms around herself and started slowly pacing the porch until something caught her eye. It was a bright red rattle. Maddie grasped the rattle, cleaned it as best she could with her clothes and brought it back into the cabin. She placed the rattle under her pillow and swallowed hard. She needed something to take her mind off of it. Maybe a stiff drink or two. She had to tell Dave about what she found, she knew that she had to tell him asap but her stupid phone didn’t work. Maddie eyed an overfilled bookcase in the corner of the cabin. Maybe that could take her mind off of things for a bit. Maddie shuffled through the bookcase until one book caught her eye. It was stuffed with old newspapers of missing persons, but the contents of the book focused on the history of Fairbanks. 

Fairbanks Georgia was a bustling town from 1790-1863 composed of a  small congregational community. On April 12th 1863 General Kelly sent 150 men to scout north of Atlanta to find union troops. Upon arrival Kelly’s men plundered Fairbanks using force to take the locals food supply forcing most of them into starvation. According to local folklore a woman convinced the soldiers that there was a much larger town just on the other side of the swamp. Most of Kelly’s men set out to find this other village, never to be seen again. Local folklore states that the spirits of those soldiers lure those close to the swamp into where they get lost, leading them to their death. 

Maddie looked out at the swamp. She wondered what happened to other vacationers that came to the cabin. Were they somewhere out there looking in the fog? Suddenly Maddie heard the front door open. 

“Hey I got the groceries if you want to help me.” Dave announced. Maddie rushed over to her pillow. 

“Dave guess what?I found this here. Recognize it, but I don’t know why it’s here.” Maddie held up the rattle. 

“It isn’t Amber’s, Maddie, Amber has been dead for three years. You just found someone’s trash.” 

It was hard for Maddie to hear those words, even after all this time. Amber was her little puggy playful baby that died in her crib. Maddie felt a wave of familiar powerlessness that came with the memory of picking up Amber from her crib as she lay cold and still. She suddenly felt stupid holding the rattle in her hand not knowing what to do with it. Dave sighed. 

“I told you to see a psychologist, this isn’t normal. We talked about this so many times, the episodes you have and your unrelenting depression.”

Dave sat down and put his hands in his head. 

“I just can’t do it anymore, living with you that is. The marriage we have is no longer the marriage we used to enjoy.”

Maddie fell silent and walked to the other side of the cabin. She knew how Dave felt, he expressed it to her multiple times before. But she also felt like she didn’t have a chance. With Amber dying and the pandemic going on, Maddie never felt like she had time to fully heal. She felt tears well up in her eyes as she laid down on the bed and covered herself with the sheets they brought. She hid in the covers and tried to force herself to go to sleep. 

Maddie woke up the sound of a cry.It was nighttime now but Maddie was wide awake, she could identify that cry instantly. It was Amber. Maddie got out of bed and started pacing the cabin.  The cabin was empty and Dave’s van was gone. 

“Aggg gigi”. The cooing sound was faintly drifting in the depths of the swamp. 

“Amber baby is that you?” Maddie was losing her mind. Of Course it wasn’t her, she was dead. You held her lifeless body. You know that she was dead.  Maddie’s mind was spinning. What if it was some other person’s baby, in the dark lost and alone. She had to go out just to see if it was ok. Maddie looked at her phone, still no reception and no way to call 911. The giggling increased in frequency outside in the fog, making Maddie’s footsteps faster and faster.

“Amber”? Maddie knew she was losing her sanity at this point. Yet Maddie knew that she couldn’t stand here all night listening to the sound of her child. What if it was all in her head? As she looked for the flashlight, Maddie knew that if she told Dave about this he would go straight to locking her up in the funny farm rather than insisting to see a therapist, but Maddie felt like she needed to get there and to put her mind at ease. Maddie fished out an old flashlight, changed into sneakers, an old tshirt and a basketball top and walked out of the cabin into the night. It wasn’t until she walked out the door that the story about the fog came back into her head. It’s just a legend. Maddie chanted to herself as she walked out into the fog.

“Amber!” Maddie called. The flashlight didn’t offer much visibility just to the curtain of condensation that was in the air as she took a step into the inky blackness. A few feet off the trail she felt her sneakers sink and fill with water. It was uncomfortable but Maddie hardly noticed. The darkness descended on her as Maddie tripped her way through the cypress knees towards the cooing. The mud was slick and suddenly Maddie lost her balance and tripped rolling her ankle. 

“Aggg'' Maddie cries. Frantically trying to get out of the mud Maddie noticed that the cooing had stopped. Maddie went into shock. What if the baby was in trouble. 

“Amber baby, I’m coming.” Maddie screamed. Her footing was no longer straight and her flash light was gosling so hard that it was barely of any use as Maddie scrambled deeper into the swamp. For a minute Maddie could only hear heart beating, soon she was out of breath. Taking a rest near a tree Maddie thought she heard another pair of footsteps running through the swamp. 

“Hey stop I need help.” Maddie hollered but the footsteps kept going making almost a supernatural speed away from her. 

“Stop.’ Maddie gathered up enough energy to hurl herself toward the footsteps only to fall face forward into the mud dropping her flashlight. She grabbed it from the mud and held it, but it did not work.

Maddie slowly got up. She was tired, cold, wet and completely lost and now breaking down into tears. She wasn’t able to find the baby. The cypress encroached around her as she pulled herself up. She got up and peered into the darkness. Taking a few steps Maddie saw something glowing, like a cell phone screen. Approaching it closer Maddie saw that the phone was smashed on a boardwalk deep in the middle of the swamp. 

Maddie recognized the case and had no trouble opening up the locked cell phone. On the phone were videos of Amber when she was alive playing with her toys and baby mobile. 

Maddie followed the boardwalk to a dirt path that had fresh tire tracks on it that lead back to the cabin. Maddie could see that the lights were on as she walked in holding her flashlight behind her back. Inside Dave was sitting on a chair with a knife . 

“I heard of this place from the internet. An abandoned town with a lot of missing persons with people getting lost in the swamp for days. I told you I can’t live with you any more. I thought it might take longer for you to travel out to the sounds of Amber and I didn’t believe that you would actually make it all the way out to me, but here we are. This way is not ideal, I'm a little more messy but it’s all the same in the end.”

Maddie felt the door slam behind her. It was now or never. 

The end!

[megbox]

2020 Year in Review

Previous Posts: (2019) (2018) (2017) (2016) (2015) (2014) (2013) (2012) (2011) 

2020 is a weird year because as the world goes through something collectively extremely traumatic and that is radically changing the structure of our lives, our workplaces, the way we connect socially, our mental health… our response to disease…. SO MUCH ABOUT THE WORLD…. And yet the day-to-day of living in a pandemic is so… mundane. I am privileged enough to have that opinion. I have stayed securely employed and it is privilege for my main reaction to something as intense as this pandemic to be boredom. But really, 2020 was a year of absences. It was a year spent largely alone, in my own company. It was a year that forced me to rest. It was a year that made me feel so terribly lonely but also forced me to get acquainted with myself and enjoy my own company in a new way. And it was a year of running. 

I would also like to thank Connor for making this post happen by reminding me to do it and not to break tradition. 

January & February 

I am combining these months because they were not altogether all that memorable. My resolutions, as I noted on Twitter on January 2, were to 1) Keep running and 2) Learn how to make fresh pasta dough. I can safely say – mission accomplished on both fronts. 

On January 14, I had the privilege of presenting a suicide intervention lecture to students at the medical school where my brother goes. By that time, I’d done a million of these presentations so nerves aren’t really a factor (imagine that! Me, no longer remotely afraid of public speaking…), but this one meant a little extra to me. My brother is so highly accomplished, and I am so proud of him, and I enjoyed having an opportunity to show him what I do and make him proud of me. I wore my favourite dress and did my hair all nice and he described it later as “exceptional.” It was a really, really good feeling. The first weekend of February, Ali and I had planned to go to Jasper. We wanted to go for a hike or two, and get super stoned and go to the planetarium. A huge blizzard hit Alberta just before we were supposed to leave, so we ended up having a staycation here in Calgary. We rented a hotel room, went swimming, drank wine, went to Japanese Village, had drinks in the lounge and then later to a punk rock band roulette night at the Palomino and finally crawled into our giant hotel bed and fell asleep to Remember the Titans… of all movies. It was the kind of night where you simultaneously feel 18 and 35 years old. 

March 

March was when the pandemic really started to become real. I don’t know exactly why, but I did not take the threat of coronavirus very seriously until the last minute. My coworkers would whisper about it in the hallways and I just rolled my eyes. But then, people started deciding they would work from home, the number of us in the office dwindled. The vibe was bad. Nobody could really focus. They held meetings at 8am and 4pm every day just for COVID-19 updates and we all waited with bated breath for them to finally tell us to go home and not come back. I really feel like I didn’t acknowledge the true implications of this virus until we got the official work from home order, and I had to tell my boss, my laptop at home is too old to run this software, I need a work tablet. My first official work from home day was March 23, 2020. I don’t remember much about that time except that the general sense of panic and anxiety made my job a lot busier, and it is hard to do a job like mine from home because it is hard to counsel or reassure clients through anxieties that are hitting you just as hard. I coped with wine, a lot of running, and listening to Ben Gibbard’s afternoon live streams where he would play acoustic versions of Death Cab songs and other covers. He played New Slang by the Shins one night and I burst into tears. I also coped with teaching myself how to make fresh pasta dough, and enjoying what was, at that point in the pandemic, the novelty and fun of Zoom. 

April 

In the absence of being able to have a party for my birthday, I decided to be obnoxious and do a “challenge” on my Instagram story. I asked my friends to record a distance run and/or walked and send it to me as a birthday present. My actual birthday ended up being a cold and windy and pretty miserable day. I ran 12km myself, came back home and watched both Magic Mike and Magic Mike XXL, and then went to my parents’ to celebrate both Scott and I’s birthdays with our family. My friends dropped off presents to my door and drove past my house and honked and I felt very loved and appreciated. I drank a lot of Prosecco with my brother and we listened to Kacey Musgraves. 

It was also in April that I become “acquainted” with my neighborhood running nemesis. I put acquainted in apostrophes because I have never actually spoken to him. On one fateful run in April, I happened to catch up to him on my regular route. This was at the height of the COVID fear and so, while I would usually just pass someone on the sidewalk, I went out into the street. He saw me out of the corner of his eye and SPED UP. WHICH IS SUCH BAD RUNNER ETIQUETTE LIKE DUDE I’M IN THE ROAD LET ME PASS YOU. And then we ended up in this like, all-out 100m-finals-at-the-motherfucking-Olympics sprint challenge when all I was trying to do was go for a leisurely training run. And then I finally passed him, turned a corner and had to like collapse on to my hands and knees to catch my breath. Since then, I see this man running all the time. Sometimes while I am also running, sometimes from my car when I am driving through my neighborhood. He’s like… 16. And we are very competitive with one another. I hope to one day actually say hello to him. I both hate that guy and have to thank him for the motivation. 

I ran my first half marathon on April 13, 2020. I was very hungover because I had stayed up quite late with someone on Zoom the night before on a virtual “first date” that had gone much better than anticipated. I don’t know why but I woke up the next morning in such a good mood that I decided I would go for a long, slow run. I got to 18km and figured, what’s 3.1 more? And so, I did it. The first thing I did upon finishing was call my mom. The second thing I did was contemplate calling an Uber to drive me the 2km left to my house. The other notable thing in April is that Maddy moved back from Australia, begrudgingly and a LOT earlier than planned, because of COVID. 

May

May was kind of a blur. It was the first month of the Great Virtual Race Across Tennessee, which I signed up for while coming off of the high of actually running a half marathon all by myself. The GVRAT was fucking awesome. It was created by Lazarus Lake, of Barkley Marathons fame. The ask is to run 1022.68km between May 1 and August 31, an average of about 8.3km per day. Well, you could run, walk, or hike. This is the actual distance it would take you to cover the state of Tennessee. Myself and about 20,000 other weirdos from around the world signed up for this challenge. I figured I would never get a chance to run in a Lazarus Lake race for real, and being home all the time opened up a lot more opportunity for training. It was one of the very best things I did for myself in 2020. So May involved a lot of running, because I was fresh and naïve and fully intended to be ahead of the curve. I was running about 10-12 per day, sometimes more, and not taking any rest days. 

In between these runs, I spent a lot of time going on long, ambling quarantine walks with Maddy. We would either go for a long walk or she would come over and we would get absolutely hammered in my backyard playing beer pong just to pass the time. We would send snapchats to our exes and make TikToks like 18 year olds. I know we never really said it out loud but having eachother during this time made these months bearable. We were lamenting the loss of a summer, and Maddy’s time in Australia, and all of the expectations we had for ourselves. We were watching our friends in relationships move in together or get closer due to the quarantine. We needed companionship, and stupid things to laugh about, and love, and distraction. And I can genuinely say I would not have gotten through this quarantine period if it weren’t for the nights I spent shooting Pink Whitney and dancing to Party in the USA in my living room with her. 

May 13th was my one year anniversary of working at the university. It felt good to have accomplished so many things in that time, and have moved up already in my job, and to have a full-time, permanent contract.

And May 16th was when I ran my second half-marathon as part of a virtual challenge put on by a friend of a friend. My parents came and sat in lawn chairs in the park while I did loops. They cheered me on and filled my water bottle for me when I ran out. They’re my number one supporters and I love having a family that does that kind of shit for me in the face of something arbitrary like a virtual half marathon challenge. I knocked 7 minutes (!) off my original time. Amazing what not being hungover can do for your fitness levels. 

June 

I don’t remember many important things about June, other than Maddy moving to Banff. It was depressing but I was also happy for her and happy to have an excuse to go out there and visit. I went the very first weekend after she moved. Halfway through June I seriously contemplated quitting the GVRAT. My shins were bruised, I was dreading every single run, and I could not fathom doing it for 2.5 more months. I was dragging behind in the standings and losing my motivation. 

I spent a lot of time with friends reading in parks. Sometimes, often, with wine. I met a stranger in Canmore Park and ended up kissing him. He was lovely. 

Ali and I had one really good day in June where we went to the Farmer’s Market and then came back to her place and watched Ru Paul’s drag race for like eight straight hours. It was one of those days where we hadn’t seen each other in so long and you just feel totally high off of friendship and absolutely everything is funny and you just can’t stop laughing. I vividly remember it as one of the best days of the year. 

July

Again, July kind of passed in a blur. I did a lot of hiking, and a lot of running… keeping up with the GVRAT. I hiked Picklejar Lakes, Castle Mountain, Little Beehive Lookout. 

I went to Banff for a weekend to hang out with Maddy. We had a predictably wild weekend with her roommates and friends. We had dinner at Chili’s (hell yeah) and then went to High Rollers for beers and bowling. The “thing to do” at that point for all of these Banff people was to meet at the “rec grounds” aka public firepits and drink. The police would generally leave you alone so long as you weren’t being rowdy. I sat next to an Australian named Josh at a picnic table and later took him back to my hotel room and he gave me the world’s most unbelievable obvious hickey. Maddy and I sweat out the tequila shots the next day with a long ass hike, and then had a nap before her brother came and took us climbing at the Sunshine slabs – an activity I was not very good at but I wanted to be good at. It was the kind of weekend where you feel like, okay, I definitely indulged my wild side. And you drive home just like totally exhausted but smiling. I sent Maddy’s brother a voice note on my way into town thanking him for taking us climbing and saying it was nice to see him.

August

Okay – August was actually really eventful. Like most of the year’s events happened in August, honestly. A lot of running and hiking. I did Ha Ling Peak for the first time, and we did a 30km hike to Aylmer Pass one day that was a fricken GRIND. I spent the long weekend in Saskatchewan. We went to a cidery, and I ran laps around my Dodo’s acreage, and then we got to visit Wakaw Lake and reunite with our old next-door neighbours. We took the boat out and went tubing and lit fireworks and had an amazing dinner and honestly it was like reliving my childhood in the best, best, best way. I fell asleep on the car ride home. 

I went camping with Ali in Sylvan Lake. We got ice cream and cooked fish tacos over the campfire. She told me that Cody had a date planned for the day they took possession of their house, that she wondered if he might ask her to marry him but didn’t want to get her hopes up in case it didn’t happen and ruin what otherwise was supposed to be a celebratory day. Spoiler – he did ask her to marry him  I was running when she called me. I was listening to Epsilon by Kygo, and now when I hear that song I always think of them. I stopped my watch and just openly bawled on the street out of happiness for them. 

Steven successfully defended his master’s thesis. We went camping in Waterton to celebrate with Matt, Kennedy, Regan, Scott, and Rie. They brought cake. We did a sunrise hike. I slept in the back of my Ford Escape. 

On August 27, Ollie passed away. It was both expected and unexpected. He had been having some issues with seizures. The vet didn’t think it was anything to be too concerned about, he was old and it wasn’t uncommon for them to happen. It happened suddenly. I had a terrible sleep that night, and woke up in a cold sweat somewhere between 3 and 4 am. In the morning, my mom called me and told me the news. He had a giant seizure in the night and was crying and yelping. They woke up and took him to the emergency vet, they made the executive call to put him down to prevent any further suffering. He died right around the time I woke up in the middle of the night. I like to think that was his way of saying goodbye, maybe. I cried all day. Well, let’s be honest, I cried all week. I burst into tears at the mere thought of him. He was such a good and lovely dog. He was so loved by us. He had a good life. It is always sad when we lose pets so early. They bring so much joy to our lives, and still when I go to my parents’ place the first thing I want to do is call for him or pet him. I hope he is running around in whatever the pet afterlife is. I miss him. 

And on August 31, I ran my last kilometre of the GVRAT. I finished with 733.78 run, 83.18 hiked, and 205.09 walked. 

September

September was a nice break from running. I got to start coming to campus one day a week, on Thursdays, which was good for my mental health and work productivity. I got to spend September long in Vernon with Maeghan and Madison at Michael’s family’s cabin. They took us boating and made us meals and didn’t judge us for drinking margaritas with Michael’s sister literally all day. It was the best. It was the epitome of every summer weekend you dream about. I was so happy I got to go. 

I met a boy in September. It’s always September, isn’t it? It feels weird to write about him. Like, that makes him significant. But. He is significant. And I met him in September. And it was unexpected. Last minute. And essentially not a day has gone by since that day in September that I have not thought about him.

I also joined a Calgary Sport and Social Club team with my friends for softball and it started in September. We played two games and then I tore my hamstring running from second to third base. I tore… my hamstring…. Running like 30 metres…. After a summer of literally running 10+ km every day. I… it was the worst day ever. Softball itself was amazing and so fun even though I really do suck at the sport but highly recommend Rec League C-level beer league softball with all of your best friends. There’s just no way that isn’t fun. 

October 

A lot of pouting about my hamstring, I went to two physio sessions and then decided to just start running again. I’m bad. I’m a bad example. Don’t do what I do… but also…. It worked. 

I went to Victoria to visit Sydney over the Thanksgiving weekend. We went to a Thanskgiving potluck party at my old coworker’s place. It was a nice experience to be the new people at a party, to have a room full of new people to meet and who ask you questions about your life. We got really drunk and they tried setting Sydney up with one of their roommate’s brothers, and gave us lipstick to try, and poured us tequila shots. We had such an amazing meal. It was honestly so fun. We laughed in the cab the whole way back about how we were going to need to debrief that evening HARD the next morning. We watched a lot of All Gas No Brakes, and went for dinner and brunch and I limped up Mount Doug with my hamstring. It was a very very chill weekend, like we spent a lot of time just lounging at Sydney’s apartment and doing nothing. Because that is the kind of friends we are. It was so relaxing and lovely. I was sad to leave. 

Karla, my roommate, left for New York at the end of October. Her aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and she and her mom made the executive move to go there to basically be with her for the end of her life. She wasn’t going to be back until December. I was happy, because it’s nice to have a place to myself, but also sad because Karla is lovely and I knew it was going to be a stressful situation for her. 

November / December

I am combining these two months because they have also been largely uneventful. In fact… I don’t know if I could really tell you anything significant that happened. We’ve been in a lockdown. I’ve spent my time playing piano, watching Netflix, listening to podcasts, basically doing all of the things I usually do when I’m bored. Lots of Among Us. Lots of outdoor things… skating… more running. We’ve been in a lockdown since early December. Time has dragged on since then. I spent Christmas with my parents. Scott and Rie stayed isolated, because Scott is in and out of the hospital for school. My mom and I watched shitty Christmas Hallmark movies and made fun of the guys who star in them. We drank a LOT on Christmas Eve and both spent Christmas with a wicked hangover. My dad and I ate edibles and I was launched into the stratosphere. I spent New Year’s Eve with Boy from September. We played beer pong, and card games, and he tried to use a coat hangover to pick the lock on the mysterious room that my landlord keeps locked. We spent most of the night kissing, honestly. I was happy to spend the last moments of the year with him.

2021: 

Honestly... at this point... who really knows? 

[369network]

9 Best Horror Movies in Netflix 2021

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9 Best Horror Movies in Netflix 2021

For those who like scars and blood, We have prepared a list with productions of terror and suspense to cause chills! Let’s start with 9 Best Horror Movies in Netflix 2021

1) Mandy :

Out of the system by choice, Red and Mandy lead a peaceful and loving life. When the sadistic leader of a cult brutally destroys the paradise in which they live in the forest, Red finds himself launched into a ghostly journey full of revenge.

Mandy-Best Horror Movies in Netflix

The production is starring Nicolas Cage. The actor usually suffers from public jokes, but make no mistake: he is excellent in the film, pointed out by critics as one of the best with his presence in recent years.

2) Annihilation :

Annihilation – Best Horror Movies in Netflix

Lena’s husband disappears while exploring a mysterious quarantined area by the government. Then, she volunteers to join the team in charge of entering the same area. The group finds a forest where they quickly realize that everything there is different from anything they have ever seen.

3) Hush:

Hush – Best Horror Movies in Netflix

Maddie is deaf and lives alone in her home in the middle of a forest. Of course, it was going to be a problem. One night, a masked killer appears, and Maddie must overcome his physical and psychological limits to be able to escape with his life. From those films that stick to the couch and make you sweat cold!

Hush is one of those horror features that makes the audience really hope that the protagonist gets along in the end. The fact that the work has almost no lines is a plus, because the silence helps to create a climate of tension and makes us feel like Maddie.

4) Train to Busan :

Train to Busan-Best Horror Movies in Netflix

For several passengers, it would be just a quick train journey from Seoul to Busan. But it all becomes a race to save their lives from nimble death- thirsty zombies. The South Korean film is unanimous even for those who are not fans of the zombie subgenre, has collected several worldwide awards, has a strong history and an unforgettable ending.

The horror available on Netflix grossed $ 87.5 million worldwide. It became the biggest box office of Korean cinema in Malaysia, Hong Kong, and Singapore. In South Korea itself, it registered a box office of 11 million.

5) Don’t Breathe :

Don’t Breathe-Best Horror Movies in Netflix

Thieves Rocky, Alex, and Money break into the home of a blind war veteran who made a lot of money for his daughter’s death. After finding themselves trapped inside, young people have to fight for their lives when they discover that the victim is not harmless. It is directed by Fede Alvarez, from the hit The Death of the Demon.

On Rotten Tomatoes, the film has an 87% approval rating, based on 172 reviews, and an average rating of 7.1 / 10. Variety critic Dennis Harvey called The Dark Man “a brutal muscle exercise, relentless danger that should appeal to fans of the genre.”

The feature film available on Netflix grossed more than $ 66 million at the worldwide box office, with a budget of just 9.9 million. A worldwide success, terror is guaranteed to continue.

6) Terrified :

Terrified-Best Horror Movies in Netflix

People who disappear without a trace, dead who return from their graves, voices in pipes. A policeman will try to find an explanation to solve these mysteries, with the help of researchers specialized in the paranormal, before evil destroys the society we know.

Directed by the Argentine Demián Rugna, the film reproduces terror elements, but executes them with convincing originality. The suspense atmosphere is growing, with claustrophobic environments of incarceration and madness, without appealing to many scares or use of blood.

7) Climax :

Climax-Best Horror Movies in Netflix

A group of dancers gathers in an isolated boarding school. When having a last celebration party, they notice the changing atmosphere and realize that they were drugged and did not know who. Young people plunge into paranoia and psychosis with absurd results. The production is heavy and shocking.

Most of the film was not rehearsed and relied on the improvisation of the cast, who had no lines of dialogue beforehand and had almost complete freedom to take the story and characters. Climax includes several long shots, including one lasting more than 42 minutes. The opening sequence of the feature available on Netflix, with the cast doing a dance number, is mesmerizing.

8) The perfection :

The perfection-Best Horror Movies in Netflix

Charlotte was a prodigy violinist who had to give up her promising career to care for her sick mother. Ten years later, she meets her old mentor and her new pupil, but each has its own hidden intentions.

Rotten Tomatoes’ critical consensus says that “The Perfection is a clever thriller that breaks down twists with cutting intelligence.” On social media, people reported that they had “nausea” and “vomiting” when watching this movie.

9) The Babysitter: Killer Queen

The Babysitter Killer Queen-Best Horror Movies in Netflix

The film follows Cole two years after defeating the Satanic cult led by his nanny Bee. Trying to get over the past and survive in high school, everything seems to be fine. However, when old enemies return unexpectedly, he will have to fight again .

Continued from Babysitter, Netflix’s 2017 hit, the new film follows the same mold as the first, uniting terror and comedy in a unique way. With new and old characters, part two goes even further and holds many surprises for fans.

Image Source: IMDb

[madphantom]

Maddie's Quarantine Reviews: Eaten Alive (1976)

The Plot

In a swamp, deep in rural Texas, lies the Starlight Hotel. Don't let the name fool you. If you saw this building you'd be hella surprised it's even standing. But not only does it come with free rats, no, this hotel also comes with a crocodile :D The owner, Judd, who is probably bitter about his ugly ass hair, uses it to get rid of the people he kills. Oh, did I forget to mention that? Not only does he run a hotel that would get minus ten stars on Trivago, he's also a homicidal maniac.

Tonight, we shall witness how Mr Judd deals with a number of guests: Clara, a runaway prostitute from town; Faye and Roy, a married couple (the latter being slightly deranged!), their daughter Angie and her dog Snoopy; Harvey Wood and his daughter Libby, who are searching for Libby's lost sister; and Buck and Lynette, a young couple that's only there to fuck.

The Characters

The first character we meet is Clara. Clara is a prostitute, but she hates kinky customers and gets thrown out. A colleague gives her some money and advises her to go to the Starlight, blissfully unaware of the homicidal maniac mentioned earlier. Clara is a... pretty interesting character. She doesn't get much screentime, but she feels appropiate to introduce the plot.

Next up are Faye and Roy. They were great. I mean, Roy was played by William Finley, so I can't really say much else, but...the dynamic was really interesting to watch. For the record, Roy is a bit weird. He barks, he mumbles nonsense, he randomly yells, but the thing is, even though he's really damn strange he's still trying to be there for his family. The same goes for Faye. She pulls Angie out of danger without hesitation and she tries her best to fight Judd and she's really trying to be there for her daughter. I'm a bit sad that Roy got little screentime, he was a damn interesting character and I would've loved to see him more. Also, I dig William Finley's look.

Then we've got their daughter, Angie. Angie spends most of this movie screaming and I can't blame her the slightest bit, because if you, a six year old girl, witnessed multiple murders by scythe and crocodile and the death of your dog, lost a parent, nearly got eaten twice and hid from someone who wants to kill you in a cellar full of rats within one night, you'd need a lot of expensive therapy afterwards. Poor kid ;-;

Next up we have Harvey and Libby Wood looking for their lost sister. Great acting here. While Harvey is bitter and choleric about the loss of his daughter Libby is very calm and sad. She's kind of his voice of reason when he argues with people and she's pretty smart. Also, without spoiling too much, she fulfills the Final Girl Trope.

Then there's Buck. Buck just wants to have fun. Also, Buck is played by Robert Englund, who would go on playing the Phantom of the Opera in that weird Eighties gore version of it. In summary, we have two Phantoms in this movie (Because guess who starred in Phantom of the Paradise? That's right, William Finley!) Buck is a fuckboy, but he's not an asshole, since he immediately tries to help Angie when he hears her. The scene with Buck and Lynette in their hotel room was honest to God fucking uncomfortable to watch, but hey, you can't have everything.

We also have Lynette, who's literally the only smart person here because she nopes the fuck outta the hotel as soon as she realizes something's wrong. O-okay, as soon as she sees Judd kill someone. The thought counts.

Last but not least we have Judd, who wins the prize of ugliest serial killer hair. Seriously, it looks like a wig. Why is his hair so ugly??? Other than that, I loved the lighting when he chased his victims, because his teeth were illuminated, and that was fucking cool and made him look croccy. Apart from that, he's probably the most unlikeable horror movie killer because h e ' s s o d i s g u s t a n. He's so g r o s s.

My thoughts

Uhmmm... screaming. A lot. Of screaming. Not that I blame anyone, I'd be wrecking my vocal chords too, but... screaming.

Other than that the movie is great. The first murder hits more or less unexpected, and after that you keep praying and praying for every single character to survive. Won't work out, but hope dies last.

The acting is great in this movie. You pity Clara. You feel deeply uncomfortable around Judd. You notice how deranged Roy is and how much the family still tries to be there for Angie. Speaking of Angie, Kyle Richards did a phenomenal job playing her. You could really feel her shock and trauma.

There is something absolutely umhinged about this movie and it's nothing for everyone. The fog and red lights make everything quite eerie, and you're really ready for something to appear all the time. Everything and everyone radiates madness and danger. It's like a fever dream.

All in all, I can say, if you've got strong nerves, like William Finley and don't mind a little titty, watch Eaten Alive. Watch it.