#managing applications
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#i'm not gonna lie folks#sometimes you guys reblog things that are so profoundly applicable to my memes#that i nearly manage to convince myself “they're baiting me. they're challenging me to do something redundant with this”#and *that*! is how i know i have illusions of grandeur sometimes. sometimes even amidst the low points!#pacific rim#pacrim#newmann#hermann gottlieb#newt geiszler#newton geiszler#k science#k sci#shitpost#meme
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application for release from the dream
#my art#printmaking#thursday band#application for release from the dream#omfggg i cant believe i managed to finish this before i go home.... the assignments were really kicking my ass this week#hope u guys like i had sooooo much fun with that smoke ^_^
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←bearer of the "gets attached to characters alot of people hate or dont care about" curse
#Every. Time#i can list so many that are applicable#its frustrating#best case scenario however is that i manage to get atleast 1 or 2 friends interested in said character. so im not alone#still gotta deal with everyone else judging me tho 😭#sighs loud
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Management: Roll out the new protocols! Go! Go! Go!
#I've been rereading SL and noticing some things I didn't previously#like management's initial shock and the small implication that they may have tried they're version of exposure therapy before#they really said damn this bitch fixing our robots for free#solar lunacy#ALSO I COMPLETELY MISSED THE SECURITY GUARD THING THE FIRST TIME????#like???? I knew the break in was probably most definitely Nessa#but ig I somehow skipped over the fact her application was denied#this is why we reread
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trying to figure out relationships between the bishops and disciples (and the lamb) lmao. teeny tiny text under the cut, clockwise starting from Narinder
Narinder -> chained (hate) -> Kallamar Kallamar -> misses (like) -> Narinder
Narinder -> chained (hate) -> Shamura Shamura -> loves all their sibs (love) -> Narinder
Narinder <- creepy (neutral) -> Sozo
Narinder <- completely devoted but will never, ever admit it (lie) (love) -> Lambert
Narinder -> normal (like) -> Mabel Mabel -> politely avoids (neutral) -> Narinder
Narinder <- don't know how to interact in new context (neutral) -> Anja
Kallamar -> scared (like) -> Shamura Shamura -> loves all their sibs (love) -> Kallamar
Kallamar -> smart (like) -> Sozo Sozo -> unnerved (neutral) -> Kallamar
Kallamar -> wary (neutral) -> Lambert Lambert -> killed me but pathetic (neutral) -> Kallamar
Kallamar -> listens to infodumps (like) -> Anja Anja -> pathetic wet lump of a man (like) -> Kallamar
Kallamar <- annoying brother (like) -> Leshy
Shamura <- good chat (like) -> Sozo
Shamura <- killed me (hate) -> Lambert
Shamura -> doesn't know she exists (neutral) -> Mabel Mabel -> loyal to Anja (hate) -> Shamura
Shamura -> on sight (hate) -> Anja Anja -> wants knowledge (neutral) -> Shamura
Sozo -> coworker (neutral) -> Mabel Mabel -> kinda weird (neutral) -> Sozo
Sozo <- good chat (like) -> Anja
Sozo <- beefing over mushrooms (hate) -> Heket
(the text next to Gretygre says "he has friends, I swear")
Gretygre -> adores (love) -> Lambert Lambert -> not making that mistake again (neutral) -> Gretygre
Gretygre -> cute (like) -> Mabel Mabel -> he's fine (neutral) -> Gretygre
Gretygre <- coworkers (neutral) -> Anja
Lambert <- killed me (hate) -> Leshy
Lambert <- killed me (hate) -> Heket
Mabel <- BFFs (literally) (like) -> Anja
Mabel <- forced proximity due to Anja (neutral) -> Leshy
Mabel -> responsibility (neutral) -> Heket Heket -> just needs to grow a spine (like) -> Mabel
Anja -> needed a shake-up (like) -> Leshy Leshy -> gleefully corrupting influence (love) -> Anja
Anja <- tolerating for Leshy's sake (hate) -> Heket
I think that's everyone!
#WOW okay. i dunno if its worth tagging ships in this. but theyre in there.#fanart#cotl#cult of the lamb#leshy#anja#heket#kallamar#shamura#narinder#lambert#mabel#gretygre#sozo#for a lot of these their status changes so i kinda picked one stage#like obviously anja will fall in love with leshy at some point lmao#also. the day mabel loses her temper and chews heket out for something is the day heket falls for her ngl.#poor gretygre got neutral'd by everyone...#nari and anja will eventually be friends once they figure their shit out. and hes gonna soften to his sibs eventually#mostly because he gets to see them being normal at the disciples (when applicable lol) and everybody changes for the better etc#and leshy and heket will soften to him too#shamura will also eventually talk to anja without throwing hands/claws but they never really get along (to anja's disappointment)#shockingly more contentious than anja and heket's relationship which manages to stay civil most of the time#ive been posting basically just leshycat but i do adore narilamb also i just havent quite pinned down the dynamic i want for them yet#ill figure it out eventually#anyway. ill stop rambling in the tags now.#I FORGOT A RELATIONSHIP. lamb <--> mabel should say 'amicable divorce' lmfao#so funny to me that this has gotten any notes at all. me joining an active fandom? its more likely than you think
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there's a self-help/mental health adjacent post that's going around and it seems to be really helpful for a lot of people which is very good. I also personally hate it with all my fucking heart
#it's the anhedonia one btw lmao#if i. have to be exposed to one more goddamn cbt-ass advice post in my life. I will start tearing throats out with my teeth#and I will have earned the right to because I've been through the fucking TRENCHES over the years man#I think it's the appeal to urgency at the end however ruefully humorously packaged that ohohoho. really grrrrinds my gears.#this is obviously not what the person is trying to do with that but the unavoidable implication that the reason you might still#be suffering is that you just haven't tried hard enough to change to like things to open your eyes... hey. respectfullly. fuck off#peak advice for mild to moderate symptoms of mental illness thoughtlessly presented as universally applicable#without any consideration for the deeper thing you're saying -- that if someone is in a real bad way and DOESN'T get better#it's their own responsibility and they just haven't tried hard enough. in trying to be kind you are being so desperately cruel#to the people who are struggling the most. bitch I am fucking GREAT at liking things! it's one of my best skills!! I'm generally curious!#my capacity for enthusiasm and intellectual joy over any old thing that strikes my fancy is legendary and often I suspect quite annoying!!!#so when anhedonia completely envelops me I know it's a sign of something else and bigger going on in the background#it's not a choice. the brain is not solely a cognitive machine!! you cannot fix everything that can go awry with it by Thinking Better!!!#cbt must be great for the people it's great for and I'm sincerely genuinely glad for it. less suffering in the world is great#but it is a way of thinking that is a hammer and you just have to hope like fuck your problem is a nail. because otherwise#you're bruised from being beaten with hammers and the additional shame of what's wrong with you that it's not helping#and again I recognize very keenly that this is not a space meant entirely for me. people sharing resources that amn are not about me#is not only fine it's good it's great! however. it'd also be nice to not get thrown under the fucking bus for once#because my presence fully expressed is an uncomfortable reminder of the things we *cannot* control about our own brains lmao#I'm lucky that I've been in the game long enough and have enough resources to start to smell the bullshit here but...#the pain 'losing years' induces in you when you don't have *a fucking choice* -- because it's not a matter of willpower#or positive thinking or changing your mindset. you're just sick. in a way medicine hasn't quite figured out how to help yet.#well. maybe. maybe don't put that on someone huh. maybe don't make their 'lost years' to depression and doomscrolling or whatever#'their own fault'. I kind of think that's possible to do without submitting to doomposting. is all.#(I feel the same about the 'resting vs. rotting' idea. well friend sometimes the best I can hope for is some gentle rotting#thanks for introducing this layer of disgust and condemnation to the general despair. it's added a patina)#this might actually be the first time I've managed to hold on to my own anger about this rather than it getting drowned out by shame tho#which as steps forward go. *sigh* it's not a moon landing is it. but a small step for man nevertheless I suppose
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Epic animatic update :
I'm still suffering

I kind of hate this actually
#I was going to do 2-3 frames per second but seriously fuck that i don't know what i was thinking when i decided that so now it's gonna be 1#And 1 per second only!!! 💀#Pray that i manage even that 🙏 because what the fuck why is this so hard#I'm an illustrator!! Guys i severely miscalculated the applicability of my skill set!!!#I failed to consider the increase in work in the change of medium from comic to animatic#I can capture movement in a few STILL frames easily because I'm used to drawing panels! I FORGOT ABOUT ALL THE IN BETWEENS TO MAKE IT FLOW!#Certified fucking clown moment 🤡#the moral of the story is#Animators are fucking Gods and I'm Odysseus the fool who's hubris led him to think he could compete on the same level for even a moment#Now on to the actual tags:#epic#fanart#epic the musical#epic fanart#epic the musical fanart#epic animatic#epic animation#my fanart#sirenelope#nyssa#epic thunder saga#epic suffering#Suffering animatic#epic penelope#epic odysseus#idk what else to tag
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update: okay so. it's day one of getting Better Mental Health. and i won't lie, going into this i kept saying to myself: maybe this isn't a Huge issue. maybe i am overthinking this. maybe i'm wasting resources by getting my not-yet-diagnosed-but-suspected-to-have adhd assessed as it felt so trivial and such a bare-minimum issue that maybe it really didn't merit going in and filling out the forms.
i have never felt so calm in my life
do you mean to tell me that other people, not all people ofc but the general population, Feel This Calm all the time???? as in, every day? that they don't have this cluster of thoughts and ~vague arbitrary activity~ like tv snow crackling 24/7 in their mind like the background din of a convention or busy cafe???
WHAT!!!!!!!
#it's like task manager just killed all the background applications#there's still Some tv static there but... it's largely Gone and#whuh /??#also i did not obsessively proofread this post 500 times nor take an hour to cultivate and write it and that alone is indicative of SOMETHI
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#also my phd application might just be salvaged#my hopefully future supervisor is like 'nah you are good on time'#which is like wtf but i'll take it#tho i have to whip up a 5 page formatted document and send it to him in a couple hours#nothing i cannot manage with a few cand of redbull and a working pc#so here is to hope my pc boots up cuz i still haden't had time to enlist my friend to check it properly#ANYWAY#i just needed to wordvomit a bit#but yeah i'll be back tomorrow i guess 🤔 or later this evening we'll see how fast i can bullshit my way though this thing#levynn tries to think#and fuck typos#EDIT: FALSE ALARM HOPE AND DREAMS ARE POSTPONED THE UNIVERSE DECIDED TO FUCK ME RAW 👍
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hiii where are youu:((
Hii @cricricorner :((


I'm so sorry for just disappearing as long as I did! Schools started again for me, which means I'm back to working, and I used the 2 week long school holiday to have some me time and get back into the things I enjoy (Gravity falls, playing COD, baking, drawing non cod things and sleep ins lol). My motivation for drawing has also just plummeted to the floor and I'm trying to get that back and into my life fully again!
Sorry again for disappearing, my drawing posts may come in big waves or very here and there rn :(💕
#i have more time management skills#also been doing this all with Eminem and Tv Girl in the background lmao#also other things like applications have been filling my time 😔#gary roach sanderson#call of duty#cod#roach cod#art#artwork#traditional art#roach cod fanart#call of duty fanart#sketchbook art#im back lol#call of duty roach#roach call of duty#roach mw2#cod roach#hes a sleepy bug boy#artist on tumbr#my art#call of duty modern warfare#call of duty modern warfare 2#character art#send asks#answered asks#tumblr asks#ask me anything#ask
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going back to my roots (i got selected for oposiciones in la mancha)
#it would be so funny if i end up living in albacete after my grandparents left that place to go to the big city#urban exodus#anyways yay!#i was actually a bit scared i wasn't gonna get accepted because it's for 2 different oposiciones: archaeology and cultural heritage#and to this day i hadn't been selected for any archaeology oposiciones#i thought it was because my degree isn't valid for it but. apparently not lol#i'll probably study them at the same time. depends on when the exams are#the thing is. to this date both processes have been updated at the same time#so i fear they'll be on the same day or something#although i just need them to not be at the same time. i can manage same day#there's a lot of new stuff i'll have to study so i'm just chilling. i'm gonna be so annoying with facts about clm guys brace yourselves#also the dates of the exams haven't been published but it took 3 months since the application process started to publish the admitted list#so i think it'll take a while lol#also also. it is a concurso-oposición. meaning even if i manage to pass the oposiciones. i don't really have any merits that count#only the language title. that's it. for what i've read academic qualifications don't count#only if you've worked in the administration#so i need to get a solid score in the oposiciones to have a chance#so. slim chances. but hey. i'll get a trip to toledo out of it so that's nice
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#y’all don’t have to read this. it’s going to get super rambly#we're in the process of rehoming Sadie. I don’t like talking about it because I feel like a failure#but I don’t want her to disappear from the blog with no explanation#and it sucks. because I get that she will move on to a different house and a new person and she’ll do wonderfully#with the proper attention she deserves and craves#I bounce between ‘this is for the best. she’s not thriving here’ and ‘how am I supposed to give her away’#she was my first cat (that wasn’t a family pet). I thought I’d never be able to get a cat (because of household allergies)#but there she was- a Devon rex! in a rescue no less#i'd lowkey given up on hopes of having a cat. Bek encouraged me to apply for her#and we'd had horrid luck with rescues in the past when applying for dogs pre-Henry so I was pretty pessimistic about it#especially for a breed like a devon. but they approved our application! i was giddy that whole car trip home with her#and she has the absolute sweetest personality which has been so nice for first time cat owner me. so gentle and affectionate and loving#I’ve tried so much to make her happy here but I'm simply not enough. and i need to recognise that i can't give her what she needs#idk there’s no point to this post just rambling#the rescue we’ve been dealing with takes 2 weeks minimum to reply to any message I send so it’s been a very drawn out process#and my emotions about it are all over the place#I guess one ‘good’ thing is that she helped us realise we could manage a cat in the household in regard to allergies#which means I won’t be completely catless. bebe cats are still here. it's just rough it can’t be her too#the rescue said they’re going to put her ad up today which is why I’m feeling it extra hard at the moment#It’s going to be better for both Sadie and me in the long run but in the meantime I will :(( about it#I was really hoping they’d have a foster who could take her#I don’t know how I’m supposed to hold it together if I have to do meet and greets with potential adopters here
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i might still have nightmares from working at green apron coffee company but hey i also just got a settlement check for nine whole dollars so. who's the real winner
#savrambles#not writing#thought abt going back the other day. that was the devil talking#when i left i told my manager if he ever sees my name on an application it’s a cry for help#i dont miss the job i just miss my buddies#and i can see my buddies without getting screamed at abt window times
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at the risk of jinxing things. i think it went well 👍
#the “ideal candidate” was literally me please please please 🙏#i gotta send the recruiter some writing/project samples#i should hear if i progress by early next week. the recruiter is debriefing with the hiring manager later this week#if it's a short phone interview window then there must not be very many applications to dig through? perhaps#i'm rambling i have another phone call to make about boat project but i need to calm down from this one
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I'll never forget the time I went to a chain department store and asked if they had any job openings. The manager said "yes, please apply we are horribly understaffed." and I went to their website, applied, did their horrid little quiz and when I was done I immediately got an email like 'sorry you're not a good fit'.
I was only mildly annoyed until 3 years later when the same chain emailed me post-lockdowns like 'HEY do you still need a job? PLEASe say YES'.
#Like I will not work you if there is another job on the planet. thanks#maybe talk to your tired desperate manager before immediately rejecting applicants based on some quiz
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Good luck with your interview!
thank you anon!! 💛💛💛 it went okay I think! and most importantly it is now over so I can reclaim this brainspace for other things/experience emotions other than anxiety again
#asks#I'm not getting my hopes up bc everyone else interviewing also already does this job#so it's the world's most qualified applicant pool#& my bar for success was just to not horribly embarrass myself in front of the day shift managers#which I didn't!
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