#matty shelf boy

[teadocs]

THE OGs (Kenzie editon) - s6

Liza, Matty, Leaf, and Maggie

Art credits: @cinnapiss

[chris-hartley]

🌹

Hiya!

Beric looked at Matty for a few seconds before responding, “I knew what I signed up for the second I kissed you.”

Send me a rose and I'll give you a couple of lines from my WIP(s)

[theostrophywife]

the christmas special | the slytherin boys.

author's note: a cute collection of christmas activities that each of the boys would do with you. consider this as my gift to all of you. merry christmas pookies ✨

BLAISE

during first year, you and blaise established a tradition of pranking your friends with elf on a shelf.

some of your most notable accomplishments were: placing your little elf friend on all of the cigarette butts that theo had a horrible habit of littering with and placing it on his desk while the elf smoked one of his fancy expensive italian cigs that he saves for special occasions.

for mattheo, blaise took an action figure and smeared it in red food dye to commemorate all of the fights he seemed to get himself into.

for draco, you slipped a tiny amount of purple dye in his shampoo which turned his hair lavender for an entire week.

for enzo, blaise ransacked his honeydukes stash and left a mountain of wrappers on his bed.

for regulus, you replaced his sleakeasy potion with plain old water, which made his pretty curls frizz up like he'd been electrocuted.

neither one of you were stupid enough to prank tom. that was a one way ticket to an avada.

this year, though, blaise flipped the game on you.

you woke up in your dorm surrounded by flowers and balloons with the elf sitting at the edge of your bed, holding a note that said: call me a christmas, because i'm already wrapped up in you — b.

you chuckled as you read the note. your door swung open, revealing a grinning blaise.

"i thought you might like that one. i have plenty of others, though."

"is that so, zabini? well, let's hear them then."

"are you a christmas tree? because I’m really pining fir you."

"wanna feel my ugly christmas sweater? it's made out of boyfriend material."

you burst into a fit of laughter, making blaise grin. "and my personal favorite, the star may be on top of the tree but you can be the star on top of me."

"blaize zabini, you are ridiculously adorable."

"yeah? did my efforts work then? wanna grab some hot cocoa with your favorite person?"

"oh? is draco free?" you chuckled at the sight of blaise's frown. "i'm kidding, blaise. now come on, i need a sweet treat. besides you, of course."

DRACO

draco was ridiculously competitive, which was a trait that you usually found endearing in your boyfriend, but he was definitely taking this gingerbread house competition to another level.

you had never seen draco so concentrated, measuring each piece with his wand and spreading the icing with such careful precision.

"we're going to win this year, I just know it." he said, his pink tongue poking out of the side of his mouth as he secured the roof over your gingerbread house.

"it's not about winning, babe. it's about having fun!"

"fun?" draco asked incredelously. "no, darling, this is about crushing riddle underneath my boot, which I suppose is my own version of fun."

"oi! I heard that malfoy," mattheo complained.

"sorry matty, dray's gone full psycho." you teased, pinching your boyfriend's cheek. "I think it's rather cute though."

"you'd be the only one," theo said with an eye roll.

"don't hate, nott. where's your house anyways?"

theo shrugged while mattheo snorted. "notty boy here got too high and ate the entire thing."

you chuckled. "well, that's less competition for you and I, dray."

"good," draco said with a pleased smile. "now come on, darling. I want you to put on the finishing touch."

you nodded, taking the gumdrops from your boyfriend's hands and sticking them around the perimeter of the house. draco surveyed your hard work, really the only work he let you do since he was so adamant on building the entire thing from scratch.

"it's perfect, love."

"blimey," enzo said, cocking his head at the house. "you two really went all out this year."

tom scoffed. "it's architecturally inaccurate."

you rolled your eyes at the older riddle. "well, we couldn't exactly replicate everything, but i'd say dray did a fantastic job on his house."

"our house, darling," draco corrected. "or at least it will be soon enough."

"is that malfoy manor?" regulus asked.

"precisely," draco confirmed with a proud smile. he looped an arm around your waist, pressing a kiss against your cheek. "and i've got the future lady of the manor right by my side."

you giggled, leaning into your boyfriend's touch. "lady of the manor? hmm, I like the sound of that, dray."

ENZO

every year, enzo looked forward to ice skating on the frozen banks of the black lake.

he was terrible at it, but it only made it that much more endearing.

you remembered the first time he dragged you out into the cold during first year, talking your ear off about how excited he was for this time of year.

along with you and enzo, the rest of your friends joined in on the fun. mattheo and theo were absolute menaces on ice, while regulus and draco made a whole competition out of it. pansy and blaise were content to watch in the safety of their enchanted tent, sipping hot chocolate in peace.

over the years, enzo had gotten a little bit better, but he was still a little shaky on the ice. he never minded though since you were always there to hold his hand while you patiently skated around the rink with him at a glacial pace.

you weren't that great at skating either. or so he thought.

until the two of you were chatting, keeping to the makeshift wooden rails at the edge of the lake, when mattheo and theo came barreling past.

"watch out, y/n!"

you clocked the two menaces skating past you at full speed and made a rather complicated maneuver that enzo couldn't have even dreamed of landing.

"oh my god," enzo exclaimed. "are you alright? and what was that? that little twirl and land combo? I thought you couldn't skate, honey."

you smiled sheepishly, cheeks warming at enzo's nickname for you. "it's called an axel jump. I may have told a little fib when I said I couldn't skate..."

"I can see that, love," enzo said with a chuckle. "why would you pretend that you couldn't skate?"

"I didn't want you to feel left out," you admitted shyly. "the boys are always showing off and I don't know, it was kind of nice just to take it slow with you."

"you did that for me?" enzo asked as a grin spread across his face. "i like taking it slow with you too, y/n. I look forward to it every year."

"and here I thought you just really liked the ice and snow."

"are you kidding? I hate the cold," enzo replied, shivering. "but I like when you old my hand and lead me around the rink. and I also like it when you make us hot cocoa with extra marshmallows after. I just like you, honey."

you beamed. "I like you too, enz."

enzo smiled in return, kissing the tip of your frost kissed nose. "now come on, love. show me that move again. it was hot."

MATTHEO

"babe, we're supposed to decorate the cookies not eat them all," you teased, snatching a snow shaped cookie out of your boyfriend's hands.

"but they taste so good," mattheo said with a pout. he flashed his big, brown eyes at you, fishing for sympathy. "you know I can't resist sweet things. why do you think i'm dating you?"

you chuckled at his cheekiness. "nice try, matty. but we have to decorate the cookies first and then you can have a bite."

"oh, i'll have a bite alright," you squealed as he tugged you flush against him, pulling you in for a not so innocent kiss. "there. that should hold me over for a few minutes. at least, long enough to decorate."

you shook your head and handed him the cookies and icing. mattheo hummed, bumping against your hip every so often as the two of you began decorating.

despite his complaints, mattheo's cookies turned out way better than yours.

"how are you doing that?" you asked, staring at the perfect piping on his snowflake.

"it's easy, princess. here, let me show you." mattheo slotted himself behind you, his big hands enveloping yours as he attempted to guide you in replicating his design.

"real smooth, matty. this is just an excuse to wrap your arms around me, isn't it?"

"hmm, no i'm genuinely trying to help."

you raised a brow, backing against his crotch. matty released a low groan. "is that a candy cane or are you just happy to see me, baby?"

"all i'm saying is that i'm more than happy to give you a white christmas, princess."

with a giggle, you turned around and pulled him down to you by the front of his cheesy christmas sweater. his lips met yours in an eager kiss, sighing softly into your mouth. as the sweet taste of icing coated your tongue, you chuckled.

"really, baby? you didn't even last a half hour before sneaking a taste."

"you're lucky I haven't bent you over this table yet, mi amor." his low, husky voice sent shivers down your spine.

"on second thought, i'm not opposed to having that sweet treat a little early."

mattheo smirked. those big, brown eyes were nearly black as he lifted you onto the counter, big hands roaming underneath your sweater as his lips attached themselves to your neck.

"I was hoping you'd say that, my little snowflake." you squealed as he pulled you towards him, smirking as he knelt before you. “let’s put you on the naughty list tonight, y/n.”

“I don’t mind, matty. I know you’ll make me feel real nice.”

“damn right, baby.”

REGULUS

you and regulus had not planned on getting this drunk.

the game plan was to tackle decorating the common room with ample snacks, spiked eggnog, and a classic christmas playlist.

you hadn't accounted for reggie's heavy hand when it came to making drinks.

"how much rum did you put in this thing, reg?" you asked between giggles, wrapping tinsel around yourself like a makeshift scarf. "i'm really feeling it now and we're only halfway done."

"hmm, dunno, I kind of just eyeballed it." regulus responded, dangling two emerald ornaments through his ears. "I also may have nicked the bottle from malfoy. he's going to throw an absolute fit when he finds out."

"my father will hear about this!" you exclaimed, repeating draco's iconic line. "how dare you put your peasant lips on my vintage rum?"

regulus snickered, clutching his sides. "don't make me laugh, love. i'm already smashed enough as it is."

"honestly, that's what they get for making us decorate all by ourselves."

"hmm, I don't mind. at least I got to spend more time with you."

you chuckled. "we're already attached at the hip as it is."

regulus raised a brow, pulling you in by your wrist. he stood to his full height and spun you around in a circle before catching you in his arms. "are you trying to say you're tired of me, ma chérie?"

"never. you know you're my favorite person, reggie."

"you're my favorite, too." regulus murmured, his green eyes softening as he swayed. music played softly in the background as he pulled you closer. "dance with me?"

you giggled. "we're smashed, reggie. what if I trudge on your toes?"

"you do that sober anyways," regulus teased. "just humor me, please, y/n?"

you nodded, smiling softly as regulus led you into a waltz. despite his drunkenness, reggie was still the elegant dancer that he always was. it was in that aristocratic black blood, you supposed.

as you swayed in his arms, regulus pressed his forehead against yours, his pretty curls tickling your nose as he smiled. "tu es l'amour de ma vie."

"what does that mean, reg?"

"it means that there's no one else i'd rather get drunk and decorate with besides you. merry christmas, y/n."

you beamed, rising to your tiptoes and kissing his nose. "merry christmas, reggie."

THEO

playing white elephant with your friends was chaotic, to say the least. the annual tradition almost always ended in tears and sometimes even blood.

this time around, you were the one most likely to draw blood.

"that's not fair!" you exclaimed, crossing your arms and glaring at draco. "you only want the heated blanket because I want it. you probably have a thousand fur throws, malfoy!"

draco smirked as he wrapped the white, fluffy blanket around his shoulders. "yes, but I stole this one. from you. that makes it special."

the shit-eating grin he flashed at you was enough to push you over the edge. "i'm going to skin you, you little ferret. give me back my blanket—"

"oh no you don't, dolcezza." a pair of strong arms wrapped around your waist and held you back from lunging at draco. theo hauled you over his shoulder and set you down on the sofa.

"don't manhandle me, teddy!"

theo bit back a grin as you huffed in indignation. he knelt before you, tapping your nose. "you're being bad, little missy. i'm putting you in time out."

"i'm not a child!" you responded, frowning at your best friend. "besides, draco started it. he stole my bloody blanket!"

"yes, but that's no excuse for violence, is it bella?"

"theodore, you literally bit enzo for taking your gift last year."

"I never claimed to be perfect."

you rolled your eyes, which only made theo chuckle. "tell you what. if you promise not to maim malfoy, i'll buy you as many heated blankets as you want." you raised a brow, clearly unimpressed with the offer. "i'll even throw in some hot chocolate and cuddles. the complete teddy package. sound good?"

"okay," you said with a sigh. "but only cause you asked nicely."

theo smiled and kissed your forehead. "good girl. now come on, pans made spiked eggnog."

thirty minutes later, you were curled up on the sofa with theo. you yawned, blinking slowly at whatever mattheo was supposed to be enacting for christmas charade. he was either doing something very vulgar or riding a sleigh. you could never really tell with matty.

"getting sleepy, bella?" theo asked, poking his nose against yours.

"mhm," you murmured, burrowing yourself into theo's neck. he smelled like cigarettes and pine. "will you carry me to bed, teddy?"

"course," theo replied as he kissed your temple. "don't you want to bring your blanket, though?"

you blinked in confusion, but smiled when theo presented you with the fluffy, white heated blanket. "you got it back for me?"

"draco and I made a deal," theo confirmed as he wrapped the blanket around your shoulders.

"threatening to throw me off of the astronomy tower if I don't give you the blanket does not constitute as a deal, theodore," malfoy said with a frown.

theo waved him off as he scooped you into his arms. "the important thing is, you've got your blanket back."

you wrapped your arms around his neck and smiled. "you're the best, teddy."

"anything for you, tesoro." theo murmured softly as he climbed up the stairs with you in his arms.

"wait!" mattheo exclaimed. "you're under the mistletoe." he pointed to the small sprig hanging atop the alcove you were currently under. "that means you two have to kiss."

theo flushed, his gaze dropping to your lips as he shifted nervously. "we don't have to, bella—" the words died in his throat as you tugged at the front of his sweater, dragging his lips down to yours.

the kiss was soft and sweet and you melted into theo like the missing piece of a puzzle finally slotting into place after years and years of pining and yearning.

you smiled as theo blinked slowly, those pretty eyes brimming with love and adoration. "you—I—wow," he breathed.

"c'mon, teddy. you promised me cuddles." you chuckled, brushing your thumb over his lips. "and kisses too?"

theo grinned. "kisses too, amorina."

TOM

tom had never really been a big fan of the holidays.

he certainly had no interest in taking part in something as childish as secret santa.

yet the second he heard that you were participating, tom was suddenly the first one to toss his name in the ring.

by luck of the draw (he threatened enzo who was the one to actually pick your name to switch), tom got you this year and even he had to admit that he was excited to exchange gifts.

the annual slytherin christmas party was the usual sensory nighmare of tom's dreams, but he soldiered through the incessant chattering, itchy wool jumper, and heavy handed spiked hot chocolate. all because of you.

"are you having fun, pumpkin?"

tom's brow quirked at the nickname, but made no protest as you sidled up next to him. on anyone else, the red velvet dress with white fur trim, ornament earrings, and christmas lights necklace would've looked tacky, but for some reason, tom found it quite endearing on you.

"it's not horrible," tom conceded.

"not horrible? why, thomas, that's almost a compliment."

"don't push your luck, doll."

you chuckled as you looped your arm through his. "wouldn't dream of it," you responded cheekily. "now come tommy, it's time for secret santa."

tom watched as the rest of the group exchanged gifts. more accurately, he watched you clap and cheer at every gift that youy friends opened. the look of genuine joy on your face was almost cracked a smile out of him.

he supposed it wasn't such a terrible thing to endure.

"your turn, y/n," pansy said.

all eyes were on you as you took your gift from the pile, carefully unwrapping the pretty green and silver paper. tom fought the urge to grin as you took the black silk ribbon off of the box and tied your hair back with it.

you pulled out the first gift, which was a set of fresh coloured inkpots from france that you religiously used to write your notes with.

"oh my god, these are my favorite! and I just ran out too," you exclaimed excitedly.

the next gift were a pair of the high heeled boots tom had caught you staring at in hogsmeade. you were convinced that your feet would get too cold in them and that they'd hurt your feet, so tom charmed them to be comfortable and warm, which you discovered with delight when you pulled them on.

"i love them! i'm going to wear them all the time."

you peered into the box, which contained one last gift. a pretty pink leather bound journal that had your initials scrawled in gold ink on the cover. your eyes immediately snapped up to tom's.

"how fancy," pansy said. "any guesses on who your secret santa is, y/n?"

"tommy!" you said with a grin. "i've only complained to him a thousand times about running out of my coloured ink and he was with me when I was eyeing these shoes in the village." you hugged the journal to your chest, smiling shyly at him. "and I told him how much I liked his fancy journal."

"now we can match, doll."

"thank you, thank you, thank you," you said excitedly, enveloping tom in a tight hug. the rest of the group looked on curiously, smirking amongst themselves at the fact that tom allowed the gesture. if it were anyone else, tom probably would've hexed them within an inch of their life.

"does that mean you like it, y/n?"

"no," you said, still maintaining a death grip around his neck. "i love it, tom. it's perfect. you're perfect, pumpkin."

tom blinked as you leaned forward and kissed his cheek. your cherry lip gloss branded his skin, but he didn't mind one bit. he would wear the mark proudly.

"do my eyes deceive me?" mattheo crooned. "are you blushing, brother?"

"aw, how cute. pumpkin’s got a little crush," theo added.

tom glared at both boys. "you have two seconds to run."

mattheo and theo both looked at each other before taking off in the opposite direction.

"really, tommy?" you teased, giggling.

"they're being twats."

"such a grumpy little grinch," you exclaimed, tapping his nose. "at least let me give you your gift before you maim the boys."

"can I have a hint?"

"let's just say you and nagini will be warm and cozy this christmas," you said with a devious smile. "I made the two of you matching jumpers!"

"you better be joking, doll."

"oh, i'm as serious as a heart attack, tommy.” tom scowled as you slipped your fingers through his. "but don't worry, you get more than one gift tonight."

"you're lucky you're cute, y/n."

you chuckled, standing on your tiptoes to press a matching kiss on his other cheek. "yeah, but not nearly as cute as you, pumpkin."

[heyidkyay]

And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Twenty-Three

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way? 

Authors Note: Another update this week?? I'm as shocked as anyone else, but hopefully this one will make up a little for the last! It's longer and a little less, um, idk, I can't say emotional?? because that would be a lie:/ Still, there are some developments! Also, it'll make sense a lot later but the 2nd image and the use of a Ride song are used in this one!

Hope you enjoy! Also thank you for all the love on this current series, it means a whole lot and keeps me writing xx

Warnings: similar to that of the last post! so pls look back there if you'd like to know!:)

> Last update: look back here if you'd like!

Masterlist

“I said no.”

Stressed was a feeling beyond words at this point. The past couple of days all I’d had was press hounding at me, calling and texting, emailing at all hours of the fucking day. They wouldn’t let up, even after I’d stayed silent. Adi reckoned it was mostly down to Teddy’s involvement in the whole thing. I didn’t want to think much more about it, although I knew she wasn’t wrong.

“Give me a reason at least?"

I shot a scathing glare over my shoulder before turning back to the filing system I’d taken to reorganising. It was my first morning back at the studio since... yeah, well Finn had Teddy- another factor to my current load of stress- whilst Adi was off doing something or other. I hadn’t asked, fearful of putting more of a strain on her current friendship- relationship??- with Ross, so instead I’d just chosen to tidy and rearrange the entire setup we had going on here. Because that was perfectly normal. And not a fucking way to evade talking or thinking about the mess that was my life. Okay?

“I don’t need a fucking reason, I just don’t want to.” I retorted, hissing slightly when I suddenly cut my thumb on the edge of a document. I withdrew my hand quickly and raised it towards my mouth, letting my eyes slip close for a moment when I heard a footfall step closer.

“Let me see.” Jamie sighed, probably thinking I’d done something worse to my hand than just a papercut. To be fair, the cabinet was old. One of them filing types from the ninety’s that we’d gotten for a score down at some boot sale, so I wouldn't be surprised if one of us did eventually end up losing an arm.

I shook my head and pushed the cabinet drawer closed, “It’s fine, just a papercut.”

Jamie huffed an amused chuckle before settling down on the edge of the desk nearby. It was Adi’s, you could tell from the sheer amount of shit she had accumulating it.

“One thing after another with you.”

My head tilted towards him with a deadened expression, “Ha ha.”

The older man raised his hands up in a mocking surrender, showing he hadn’t meant any real harm. “Too soon?”

I kicked at the toe of the leather boots he wore in retort as I moved towards the kitchenette, aware that he was just trying to lighten my horrendous mood but not really in the right mind for it. 

“You want a brew?” I asked, not bothering to give him an honest reply to that question of his. Too soon? Yes, that was all too fucking true.

“Have a coffee if there’s one going.”

I dipped my head in a slight nod, filling the kettle and setting it to boil before snagging the coffee often reserved for guests on the show from a shelf nearby.

Jamie moved to better face me on Adi’s desk as I did so, wearing that same expression he’d turned up in, all concerned and weary. It bothered me a bit, seeing as though it was all I had garnered since the press had had their field day with my life, but I could also understand why. They all just seemed to feel for the idiot stupid enough to fall into another of Matty Healy’s traps.

“Stop.”

“Stop what?” He wondered around a light chortle at my demand, hands falling to rest between his thighs.

I gestured towards his face whilst I poured a splash of milk into my mug, “Looking at me like that, like I’m gonna break or something.”

With a sigh, he pressed his lips together. “You know it’s not like that.” I rolled my eyes in return but he just bounded on, “You know it’s not, I just care is all.”

I forced out a breathless chuckle, “That why you’re here trying to get me to hear him out then?”

To be fair to him, Jamie had come right out with it when he’d first popped by, having messaged me asking after my whereabouts earlier this morning. I’d told him, having spoken to him quite a bit over the last couple days, and then found him on the doorstep. 

Jamie had been good with everything. He’d let me vent, rally against one of his friends and clients, question his own motives- and hadn’t even complained one bit. But now he was here asking me to give Matty a chance, a lot like he’d done that first time around in that small cafe all those months ago.

“I know you’re angry, you have every right to be.”

“Of course I’m fucking angry!” I immediately shot back at him, the rattle of the teaspoon ringing out as I dropped it into a mug, “I wouldn’t care if it had just been me he’d gone and fucked over! But he brought Teddy into this shit, Jamie. My son! So tell me, how am I supposed to hear him out after he’s done something like that and then lied about it? For weeks, mind you.”

Jamie looked back at me, wearing that ‘this meant business’ mug of his. I slumped at the sight, pressing my knee against one of the lower cabinets to continue stirring the drinks. I didn’t care, I didn’t care, I didn’t care.

“There’s a lot you don’t know, Mouse.”

My eyes slipped closed at his words and I took a second to just breathe. Because I wasn’t angry, not really. I was hurt and humiliated, and just so fucking sad. Fed up with it all, if I was being honest. Enough so that I knew that Jamie was being truthful here- and not just because it was a fact that I hadn’t spoken to Matty since things had fallen apart, but also because I hadn’t had the heart to ask Teddy about things yet. Or if ever.

The kid was four. Four, and asking after a man every night before he fell asleep and then as soon as he opened his eyes the next morning.

He knew something was up, he was smart like that. But what was I meant to do- to say? When I was just as confused as he was.

I’d ended up leaving him with Finn today, having had no other choice in the situation because the nursery was closed for an inset day, or some shite like that, and it seemed I had no other friends than the few around me. 

Could quite literally count the lot of them on one hand. 

But still, Finn and I’s relationship had still been rather rocky after that whole incident with him and Matty, and hadn’t improved since. In fact, he’d been a little unbearable about everything, always one to toot his own horn whenever he was right about something. But it was always slyly and I couldn’t help but feel as though it was a constant dig, like even when he wasn’t commenting on it he was still thinking it whenever he looked at me.

Which felt so horrible to think, let alone say out loud. He was my best friend. So I’d kept my mouth shut and just dealt with it, like I did everything else in life.

“He’s messed up about it.” Jamie then spoke, his voice having startled me a tad, breaking me out of my musings. He was watching me again, only when he did it, it didn’t feel as condescending as everyone else's. Like he understood my position. And I guessed that he probably sort of did.

“I bet.” I scoffed quietly, an airy titter escaping through my nose, and then I turned to toss my teabag away.

“It’s true.” Jamie shrugged, then nodded in thanks when I pushed a coffee his way. “He’s been ‘round Ross’s ever since shit hit the fan, hasn’t left the flat. Driving the lot of us mad, but he’s torn up, Mouse.”

Tongue in cheek, I wrapped my hands around my cup and propped my hip up against the counter, staring into the still swirling liquid. “Serves him right, I guess.” I replied with a soft shrug of my own, though we both knew I didn’t quite mean it.

Jamie looked over towards one of the windows to the right, most of them were either way too long or too tiny for the space, an odd build, but this particular one gave way to the skyline lying over the remainder of the city. I often wondered what the lower levels might look out at, thinking it was probably the majority of the surrounding buildings, and couldn’t help but feel a little thankful that we’d managed to snag this unit.

When he glanced back over at me, I took a sip and let him speak.

“A lot went on, that much I know, and it’s your choice how you deal with it. But, I saw the two of you. I saw him change. Which is stupid to say, I know, but it doesn’t stop it from being true. He was different with you, he actually tried in other aspects of his life and not just with the band and the music. He looked genuinely happy.” He smiled softly at the eye roll I gave, but it didn’t appear to deter him. “Don’t get me wrong, I know you didn’t fucking cure him. Don’t work like that, does it? But you helped. You and Teddy both.”

I looked away then, back towards the window, unable to really help it, and instead allowed my eyes to trail over the clouds which powdered the dusty blue sky. 

“It was different. Things were different, and I know that there was love there. There couldn’t not have been. The way he looked at you…” Jamie shook his head ever so slightly as he breathed out, unaware of just how deeply his words had cut. But then he peered over at me and I found myself already looking back, air caught somewhere in the swell of my lungs. 

“Don’t.” I choked out, the grip on my mug having tightened tenfold. “Just,” I shook my head.

Jamie put his coffee down on the desk and moved to stand, hands raised to convey he wasn't a threat. “I’m not saying this to hurt you more, love. Just telling you how I saw it.”

I licked at my lower lip, casting my eyes downwards. Our silence stretched and all could be heard was the odd car horn and chirp from beyond the walls of the studio, until-

“Anyone here?”

I blinked back the tears which had started to well in my eyes and sniffed, head shooting up just in time to spot a familiar giant ducking their head under the beam of the doorway, limbs following right after.

George entered but then stopped short when he spotted his manager stood by me, and I laughed to myself at the way the pair of them seemed to eye one another, before stepping in, “Didn’t hear you ring the buzzer.”

Kind eyes darted over to find my soft smile then, welcoming him in, and so George finally moved in closer, laying the jacket he wore to rest over one of the armchairs.

“Yeah, someone was just leaving and let me in.” He answered my unasked question, shrugging as he added, “Dunno whether they recognised me or if they just let anyone up.”

“Probably the second,” Jamie piped up, seemingly having broken himself from his previous bout of surprise, “This lot ‘round here don’t give much of a shit about crap like that.”

I rolled my eyes, but was glad to have a reason to smile slightly. “Or they spotted the BFG making his way over and wanted to avoid pissing him off.”

Jamie cackled whilst George just shot me a narrow-eyed look, “Hilarious. That pot just boiled?” He asked me as he wandered over. I nodded in turn and moved to grab him a cup, only faltering when he lowered my hand with his own and shook his head. “I got it.”

I dipped my head slightly, blinking before taking a step back to let him work. He made a quick go of it, rummaging around the cupboards briefly to find what he needed and only asking for the spoon I still held for some odd reason when he was near done. 

Jamie appeared to have been watching him too, a calculating glaze to his eyes, and he chose that next moment to speak up, “How you been anyway, George? Not seen much of you lately.”

Something unspoken passed between them when George glanced over at him, but I couldn’t tell what.

“Good, busy.” Was what the taller decided on, throwing Jamie a quick smile when he crossed to toss his own teabag in the bin before settling on the counter to the left of me. “You?”

It almost sounded sarcastic, not how he said it but simply because he’d asked it at all, knowing everything that had recently occurred. It must have been a right nightmare for Jamie these last few days, what with him being the band’s main man.

Jamie just laughed though, goodnaturedly, though it was apparent that he was still trying to suss out what was going on, what with George’s sudden appearance. Seeing as I’d never once mentioned him to Jamie.

See, things with George had all started after that studio session Teddy had attended, followed by my wishing him a happy birthday just before Matty had gone and done what he did best. Wrecked it all.

Teddy had become all too smitten with the drummer since he’d first been introduced to the band and their many songs and music videos. He enjoyed the guitar he’d been gifted an awful lot, often playing with it and practising, but each time any sort of song played on the tele or the radio, or even in the car, it wasn’t hard to note the way Teddy instantly mimicked George’s swift movements, pretending to drum along to whatever beat heard. 

George had messaged me on Instagram later that same day, seeing as how apparently Teddy’s appearance at the studio had stuck with him, and asked after him a little. It seemed strange worded like that, but George reckoned that Teds had a real streak of a musicality about him, even as young as he was, and wanted to see if Teddy would be up for learning some more. 

Which had been a Godsend, honestly, what with how the next couple of days had gone down. I’d given him my number via dm just before the storm had started and then the afternoon that had followed the plethora of articles he’d called.

He’d asked how I was at first, almost consoling me in that easy way of his, so full of little words, which had been all too refreshing in truth.

I’d had texts and calls off of practically everyone I knew, even Ronan, the utter prick. And none had managed to soothe me quite like George’s had, seeing as the man had been there too. Not quite in my position, sure, but near enough. He’d even let a little of it slip when he’d popped on over that same day, bringing a bag of takeaway and a roll up drum mat as a gift for Teddy, who had been cooped up with me on the sofa for most of the afternoon. 

The two of them had bonded over it rather quickly, Teddy having been caught off guard by George’s sincerity almost as much as I had been. But then I'd found myself getting to know the drummer too and very much appreciating the unnecessary gesture he’d made for me, even with the pair of us not knowing one another as well as we could have.

I had no idea what was going on between him and Matty, I hadn’t had the balls to ask, but he’d mentioned he hadn’t heard much of anything from him since the night of his party, as well as the fact that his girlfriend, Charli, had been just as annoyed with everything that had gone down.

I knew he’d be stopping by at some point today, we’d made plans to get lunch once he’d heard I was back at the studio on my own, but not recording. I reckoned he was concerned and this was his way of showing it, but it was hard to tell with him most of the time seeing as he’d made it out as though I was doing him a favour here. An effort I came to find I much appreciated. 

“Work, you know how it is.” Jamie replied after a long pause. He was still standing in the same position he’d been in since George arrived, but seemed to move then, picking up what was left of his coffee and pouring what remained down the sink. “But I’d best be going, got a couple calls to make. You gonna be at the studio tomorrow?”

George hummed around his next sip, pulling away with only a dip of his chin. “Should be.”

Jamie smiled, nodding, “Good, I’ll let the rest of them know then.”

I caught George’s slight wince at that, though he didn’t protest his manager's comment. It made me wonder.

Jamie turned to me then, shucking on his jacket. I perked up, not having realised that he really was rushing to leave now. “Remember what I said, alright?”

I blinked, but then nodded. How could I forget? I wanted to ask, but instead said, “You don’t have to head out so quick.”

He sent me a reassuring grin as he flipped over the collar of his coat. “You won’t miss me much,” He then teased before roping me into a hug, “Weren’t lying when I said I had a couple calls though, so it’s best I get out of your hair whilst I still can.” 

I smiled softly at the sound of his lighthearted chuckle and nodded before following him over to the door, “Stay safe.”

Jamie rolled his eyes, all too used to my typical parting now, though amused by it all the same. “Can’t promise anything.” He retorted with a smirk, shuffling over the threshold whilst his eyes flickered back to where George still stood once more. “So, about before?”

I inhaled shakily, though Jamie didn’t seem to notice, fingering the pockets of his jacket in search of his mobile. “I’ll think about it.” I told him.

He flashed me a grin at that, pleased, then let his heel trail over to meet the top step of the metal grating. “Talk to you later then.”

I nodded and watched for a second as he descended the staircase, head bobbing down the first set before he turned and disappeared from view. Sliding back inside, I shut the door quietly behind me, taking a second to steel my nerves before facing the room again.

During that time, George had seemingly gone and made himself comfy on the settee, his mug settled on a coffee table coaster. I moved to join him after putting both mine and Jamie’s cups under the tap to rinse before just leaving them to soak.

George was fiddling with something when I sat down beside him but shuffled over a tad to allow me to get more comfortable, “So what was that about?” I questioned.

“With Jamie?” He asked and I nodded, even though I reckoned he already knew what I was on about. 

He shrugged slightly and I noted the way his finger trailed over a slip of folded paper, it was creased as though it had been played or fiddled with a dozen times too many. My brow seemed to furrow at the sight of it. 

“He tried phoning a few times but I’ve not been too keen on answering, learnt that I’ll just get dragged into the drama if I do.” George finally answered, and for some reason I felt a wad of guilt pool in my stomach upon hearing it, even though I hadn’t been the one to cause this mess.

Or maybe I was just kidding myself.

“Sorry.”

George huffed as he turned to peer over at me, elbows resting on the tops of his knees. “Nothing to be sorry for.” He told me and then gifted me a sweet smile, “None of this is on you. Just thought we were in the clear, you know?” He looked away at that and his smile dimmed into something smaller, almost sadder. “Figured I wouldn’t have to go dodging my mates calls anymore, or be roped into cleaning up everyone else’s messes.”

He reached a hand out to settle on my knee then, probably having noticed the way I was chewing on the insides of my cheek, or maybe the fact that my lip was now trembling. I’d never felt so shitty. So at fault for something I hadn’t really seen coming, nor could I prevent.

“Not your fault, remember?” He reiterated to me, squeezing my joint softly before pulling away. I sniffed before looking up at him with a tiny smile. 

“Promise I don’t usually cry this much. Just been a shitty week is all.” I told him, laughing pitifully as I toyed with the hem of the jumper I’d put on earlier that morning when I’d purposefully avoided the hoodie that had been left on my desk chair, as well as the cupboard full of clothes that didn’t belong to me.

I felt the settee dip slightly before I found him sitting right beside me, lifting an arm to wrap me up in a hug. His cheek came to rest on the side of my head and I felt my heart break that little bit more, because it reminded me that in a second, or two, I wouldn’t have that sense of protection he now offered, shielding me from the rest of the world.

“You’ve been put through the wringer.” George murmured and I had to laugh just a little bit, he laughed too, the sound of it reverberating through his chest to where my head rested. “Fucking cry if you want to, alright? No judgement here."

I spluttered a little on my next chuckle, smiling as I wiped at my eyes. George’s arm just tightened its hold by a fraction, as though he knew it would make things that little bit easier. We both sat there like that for a while, and I appreciated the fact that he was okay with a bit of quiet. That he didn’t run scared from it or try to start up an awkward conversation simply to fill it.

Silence was something I’d come to realise that George often favoured. Because sometimes that was all you really needed.

I don’t know how long we continued like that before he shuffled and pulled that same piece of paper from earlier back into view, holding the corner of it between his forefinger and thumb. I pulled away slightly, looking down at it and then back up at him with a small frown.

“What?”

George merely blinked, staring down at the paper with an odd look before he finally placed it in the hand I had resting on my thigh. My frown only deepened.

“What is it?” I asked him, finger trailing over an edge just as he had done when I’d first spotted it. When I went to unfold it from the opposing corner, he stopped me. 

Confused, I turned to raise a brow at him, only to find him already looking back at me. He bit into his lower lip and then flattened his mouth into a stern line, “I found that when I was last in the studio.”

My chest tightened for some reason, but I was still so baffled. “Okay?”

We were sitting up better now, George’s arm having slipped from my shoulders to come to rest in his lap, fingers trailing over his left hand’s rigid set of knuckles.

“I figured you should see it.” He added in his usual drawl, though his eyes flickered up from the paper to catch mine then and I realised it must've been important. He seemed wary enough to warrant it.

I went to unfold it once again, but then his hand really reached out to stop my own, “I don’t know if I should be here when you do.”

That alone made me even more curious, although there was an edge of caution that now warred at me. “Why?”

George gifted me a gentle smile, the hand that still laid over top of my own squeezing kindly. “I’ll go grab us some food, alright? If you want to open it then do, if not. I won’t mention it again.”

He moved to stand then but my hand shot out to grab at the sleeve of his arm, “George.” But I didn’t know what else to say, I knew I was fearful though.

His fingers moved to meet mine, resting there for a short moment, “It’s your choice. Just, I couldn’t keep it from you.”

I swallowed thickly as he pushed to his feet, the scuff off his heavy boots bouncing off the hardwood floors. Slowly he moved to grab his jacket, giving me time to say no, to deny his offer. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t do much of anything really.

The door shut behind him with a soft click a minute later and the quiet of the studio suddenly consumed me. When I glanced back down at the paper I held once more I saw the slight tremble of my hands. I forced myself to exhale, but even that was shaky.

I was careful as I unfolded it, listening to the rustle it made before scrawled lines that had bled through to the other side caught my attention. Pausing, I took a moment to just look at them and then thoughtlessly hurried to reveal the rest of it, taking in its full form. My throat tightened at the sight of familiar scribbles.

You had me from the start  Pulling all the stops out  On the down low, secretly  But I think you knew your psychology  Was working on me  Infatuated  And doing this all wrong  You've got  My number and my name  And you've got me going  Yeah, you've got me going  Can I see you every day?  Do you love me  Like I love you?  Ah, you've got me going  Yeah, you've got me going

(Song: Ride - Future Love)

It was as if something in me had shifted and then turned, sparking itself its very own flame on a bone too sharp and growing and growing until its singed edges burnt and blackened every part of me. 

I must've sat there staring down at it for ages. Crying silently and alone in an empty room, something I’d been avoiding doing since this had all started. Though I supposed it had been inevitable.

His words. His thoughts. Bared to me on a single page. Him none the wiser to any of it. Probably having not even realised it was gone, or missing. And George had read it. He’d seen it and still, after everything, had given them to me.

A tear dropped from my chin then, blotting the page and I could only watch on as the dark ink appeared to cling to it, seeping further and further into the paper. Smudging the ‘Do you love me’ enough so that my breath stuttered and I was suddenly moving all too quickly for my mind to catch up with my thoughtless actions.

Not even a second later my phone was in my hand. 

Messages now To: Jamie O (glasses!) When can he meet me? 

–

Matty had always had a thing for Sundays. 

There was just something about them. Not all that Godly shite that people preached about it being holy and the first day of the week, ‘cause to him Monday would always hold that title- and Monday’s fucking sucked dick. 

No, it was because there was just something peaceful that settled on Sundays, it took him back to simpler times, of days when he’d just been a kid and roast dinners were spent ‘round his nana’s house. Or when Newcastle would play on afternoons and his dad would finally be home to watch with him. 

There was just something about them, you know. He didn’t much believe in luck, typically only the bad sort. But if someone held a gun to his head and told him he had to claim a day which would forever work in his favour, it would just have to be Sunday.

Still, he was unsure on where he currently stood with that sentiment as of late. Seeing as how he was currently in the backseat of a cab, jittery hands clinging onto shaking knees whilst rows of houses, broken up by hues of green and blue, rolled on past him.

It hadn’t been a last minute thing, but it felt much like it. The anticipation was getting to him, he knew that much, sweat licking at the back of his neck whilst his shoulders worked their way up to the lobes of his ears.

Jamie had somehow managed it.

Called him up late last night just before Ross had headed off to bed to tell him that she would finally see him. Jamie’d asked if he’d be alright going alone or if they’d prefer a buffer there, but Matty had immediately declined. So he was doing it alone. Though he couldn’t help but wonder if that had been a misstep on his part, if it would have made things easier on her having someone there, or maybe just given him some semblance of relief as the car slowly drove its way over to her house. The very place he hadn’t stepped foot in since the night of George’s birthday party.

But he hadn’t earnt that reassurance. Felt wrong to bring somebody else along either way. So he was stuck, toying with his phone, hoping or praying that a text wouldn’t come through saying that she’d gone and changed her mind.

It had been just under a week since he’d last seen her. But it felt as though time had dragged out slowly, mocking him or maybe even torturing him for all of his many wrongdoings. 

He fretted over what she might say when she caught sight of him, he himself having only spotted the state he’d worked himself into when he’d been getting ready that morning.

There were heavy bags set beneath his eyes from where he hadn’t really slept and his cheeks were hollowed in that way that they used to revert to when he’d have a particularly hard weekend way back when. If the papers caught wind of him he already knew what the first articles would say, what they would so obviously claim. But he knew the truth, just hoped that she would know it too.

He was startled from his mind at the jerk of the car pulling up onto the nearest curb. His eyes widened in sudden alarm when he realised just what that meant and then caught the look of dismay that crossed the driver’s face when the bloke looked back to announce that they’d arrived. If the man didn’t already think he was on something, then now he definitely did.

Matty swallowed stupidly and then tried for a smile, struggling to undo his seatbelt with the kickstart of shaking that overtook his hands. The driver took pity on him though, turning away to fiddle with something up front that probably didn’t need fiddling with, and finally Matty’s thumb managed to catch the button.

Releasing himself from the confines of the car, he paused just before the door could slam close behind him, handing the man a couple notes in tip, if only to apologise for his edgy behaviour or buy himself a little more time if the driver had somehow managed to suss him out even with his hat, hood and scarf. “Cheers.” He said.

The man blinked at the onslaught of cash and then nodded repeatedly, “Yes, thank you.”

Matty exhaled shakily and then dipped his chin in another goodbye, stepping back onto the curb and watching the cab pull away before he found himself alone once more.

This was it, he supposed.

The street hadn’t changed much in a matter of days but his mind made it seem as though it had. As though suddenly he didn’t belong. The odd man out.

He shoved his hands into the confines of his pockets, pivoting on his heel to face what he’d come here to do. But nothing had prepared him for the way his stomach suddenly bottomed out at the sight of her front door.

The sound of a car horn a way away spooked him, causing him to jump, but did eventually force him forward off the curb and onto the cracked pavement. He stared down at all the dips and curves they had to offer him the entire way up the path until finally, he reached her front steps.

If anyone asked, Matty would tell them it was as though he’d been working on autopilot when he pried the silver knocker up from the wood and let it rap twice. Though that would be an utter lie. His head screamed at him the whole while and his fingers blurred before him when he’d raised them up to grasp at the chilled metal. 

He’d never felt so sick, just standing there, the seconds slowly trickling into minutes, or perhaps even hours. It honestly felt as the day was slowly growing colder the longer that he stood there, staring at a coat of familiar paint, before finally hinges creaked and the door opened, revealing a sight that would’ve surely cured sore eyes, if only it hadn’t gone and broken his heart first.

It wasn’t immediate, the effect the past couple days had had on her. It was more in the way she held herself, the sadness which clung to her every fibre, the way she wouldn’t quite look him in the eye.

She stared, caught in a standstill, and for a long moment did nothing before silently and slowly she withdrew enough to allow him through.

Matty didn’t dare utter a word, let alone breathe. Careful to avoid brushing against her or stepping on her toes as he slowly crossed over the threshold to get in, though the hands he’d hidden in his coat pockets curled into fists to keep himself steady.

The first thing he noted upon first entering was the significant state of the flat, it wasn’t messy or untidy by any means, but looked nothing at all like a house typically inhabited by a child should, or at least a monster as chaotic as he knew Teddy to be. It was almost as though Mouse had been expecting a letting agent to pass through with a couple dozen couples, what with how clean it was. He almost reckoned that if he were to crouch down right there he’d probably be able to make out the seam of his jeans in the reflection of the floors.

“You can just hang your-”

“I know.” Matty whispered, not intentionally meaning to cut her off but unable to help himself anyway. 

It hurt, feeling as though he was just a guest in a place he had practically considered home not too long ago. He coughed lightly and shrugged off his coat to do so anyway, hanging it up where he usually did, something which made him pause for a split second, wondering whether this could possibly be the last time he’d have the privilege of doing so.

“Right.” Mouse murmured somewhere behind him, snapping Matty out of his thoughts. She stepped on by him just after, eyes trained on the end of the hallway until they reached the living room, “Erm, I’m just starting on a brew. You can wait here if you want.”

He wanted to follow after her, to fall down onto his knees and fucking sob there at her feet, but he was scared he’d dirty her floors or more than likely end up looking like a total knob. He would. Fucking felt like one just from thinking it. So he did as instructed, moving towards the sofa, taking note of everything and anything the room had to offer him. 

Matty’s eyes flickered over to the kitchen doorway when he realised she’d stopped there, fiddling with her nails before she caught him looking and dropped her hands. “Just realised I didn’t ask if you wanted anything.”

God, it was so fucking strained.

He took a short breath in and attempted to smile, “Tea sounds good.” Was all that he said, and watched on as her brow wrinkled, head tilting with it.

“Uh, I still have that coffee you like. The one you brought over, if you’d prefer.” She told him and he recognised her confusion for what it was, or maybe it was just her weariness over letting him know that his stuff was still where he’d left it. Or, maybe, just fucking maybe he was reading way too much into everything.

“Tea’s good.” Matty murmured, feeling a little less tense now that he knew that she was sort of sitting in the same boat. “But thanks.”

Her chest rose and fell with her next breath and he watched her nod with difficulty at him, still not meeting his eye. “Right, just be a sec then.”

She disappeared past the door with that, whilst he simply stood and listened to the run of the tap and then the flick of the kettle, feeling stupid for having missed something he hadn’t even realised he’d taken note of before. 

But that was just typical, wasn’t it? To miss something so mundane now that it was no longer expected.

Once he heard the clink of mugs Matty allowed his gaze to roam, trailing over the bundle of neatly folded throws settled on the wicker basket by the sofa, ones he knew that if Teddy was here would still be scattered all over the floor before the tv. 

There were a couple of coasters laid out on the coffee table, though the fruit bowl had since been removed, something he knew Mouse did whenever there were only a few pieces left or none at all. There would probably be grapes or something of the sort in the fridge though.

She had a couple of receipts left out on the shelf below the mirror she’d hung up on the wall when she’d first moved in, and the picture frames beside them were still the same. Only one was missing, and he knew which. 

He noticed that the candles over by the lamp were new though, expensive if he remembered rightly because he was sure that he’d spotted them round someone else’s place recently. He wondered briefly over who could’ve gifted them to her, knowing that she much preferred her usual scents, only ever splurging on the larger Yankee Candle jars they had to offer in the local Debenhams.

He found himself smiling at the thought.

It was then that she shuffled back into the room though, stalling his observations. She carried two mugs in her hand and a small plate loaded with biscuits on her forearm. Immediately Matty moved to help her, taking the plate from her even with knowing that she had it handled.

“I could’ve managed.” She murmured, though not unkindly, and then thanked him quietly once she’d gone and placed the mugs down. 

Matty followed her lead, settling the biscuits near the edge of the coffee table, between the two coasters, before fumbling for a second over where to sit. Squeaks seemed to take to one end of the settee so Matty perched on the other, though closer to the middle crease than the arm.

“You got hobnobs?” Matty finally asked, breaking the silence again, eyes flicking over to the plate he’d just held before shooting back over to find her.

She blushed faintly at his comment, then shrugged. “You like them, don’t you?”

Matty scoffed lightly, a soft smile limning his lips, “Yeah, but you hate them. Once claimed that they were like digestives only after being shat out.”

She wrinkled her nose at that, though Matty was quite sure he could spot the mirth that flickered across her face. “Want them or not?”

Rolling his eyes in fond exasperation and knowing not to push it, he picked one up and settled in a little more comfortably into the sofa cushions.

The silence would’ve been almost unbearable if she hadn’t had the foresight to have turned the tv on low before he’d arrived. So whilst a documentary played on one of the many BBC channels, Matty struggled with himself to find the best thing to say. Though he needn’t have bothered, she was always one step ahead.

“So, I think I should start by saying that I um, I know I held a lot of expectations.” 

Almost simultaneously, Matty frowned.

She just wrung her hands together once before thinking better of it and laying them flat in her lap. Matty merely wished to reach out and take them in his own. “And I get that it must’ve been a struggle for you, to basically go from like one end of a scale and then jump right off the other side. But, I-”

“What are you on about?” Matty interrupted, unable to help himself in truth, so beyond baffled by the sudden speech she’d started. She stopped and blinked over at him, finally looking him in the eye. At last.

“What do you mean?” She retorted with a pinch between her brows, “Listen, I planned this all out, alright? So can I just get out what I want to say?”

Matty stared, then forced out a breath of air. “Squeaks,” She shuttered at the name, closing off slightly, enough so that Matty took quick note and wished he hadn’t said a thing, but yet, he still carried on. Desperate to save any blundered attempt he’d make. “Look, this weren’t on you. None of it was, okay?”

Her eyes trailed back over towards him at that, though her expression was almost unreadable. Matty struggled with that bit the most, he’d always been able to read her for the most part.

“So, this crap about expectations and me struggling with whatever idea you’ve made up in your mind is stupid.” Her eyes narrowed then and he watched her work her jaw, obviously none too happy about his retort. He withheld a heavy sigh, “I’m not- Look, I’m not trying to be difficult I’m just saying that- What I’m trying to say is, that every relationship has goals or expectations, that’s normal. But nothing you ever did forced me do what I did. That shit? It was all on me. It was me being insecure and scared, yeah? So, don’t go trying to excuse it. Because I’ve had people do that for me for far too fucking long now and hearing it come from you...” 

He sort of felt himself slump at that, a little bitter and resentful over the fact that she’d since come to think of it that way. As though his mistakes were all just down to her and her inability to do right by him. He realised though, belatedly, that if anyone else had done exactly that, or even attempted to, in any other scenario he just might have taken up the offer and ran with it. But this was her, this was Squeaks. 

She was quiet for a time, then she picked up her mug, eyes trained on the movement of it before, “What then?” 

“What?” Matty frowned once more, shuffling forward in his seat in an attempt to catch her eye again.

“Why did you do it then? Why’d you lie, why didn’t you tell me about Teddy?”

That knot he’d been feeling for weeks now. The one at the very end of his tongue, all tied and tangled in the back of his throat, suddenly shrivelled up and slackened, leaving a bitter aftertaste and a plethora of guilt behind.

Matty’s gaze wandered over to the window, to where Teddy’s guitar sat in its stand just before a heavy set of grey curtains. He withheld the urge to pick at his nails as he searched for the right words to give her, wanting so honestly to tell her the truth, to give her a play by play of what had happened in detail, as well as every thought that had gone through his mind. 

“It wasn’t what it looked like for a start.”

Mouse scoffed a little at that, and Matty couldn’t be mad at it. If he was sat on the other end of this he’d been doing more than just that, he’d be up in arms, tossing shit about and raving to all who would listen.

Still, his eyes trailed down to where his hands now laid in his lap and he pressed his thumb to his palm. “We were on the highstreet, on the way back here.” He started, voice quiet as his stare tracked the faint lines of his hand, “The guy you saw in the pictures came out of nowhere really. Me and Teds had just been at that ice cream shop a way down, I didn’t even spot him until he was there, in my face.”

Matty wet his lower lip, mouth suddenly going dry. Mouse just waited.

“Teddy was quick to hide behind me, you know? The loudmouth didn’t even really notice him until the last minute. But you have to know, all I wanted was to get him out of there. To avoid staying too long and attracting the wrong sort of attention. Okay? So I’d said I had to get going as soon as he'd spoken, told him I didn’t have time to stay and chat.” 

He took a quick breath with that, eyes still centred on the deepest groove of his palm. “But then he, then he brought up Luke. Said something about the funeral he didn't go to and wanting to celebrate his life.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw Squeaks’s hands still from their previous bout of fidgeting. “But I told him I was clean. He didn’t believe me at first, which,” Matty huffed out a self-deprecating laugh, “Well, I can’t blame him for that, what with my track record.”

He heard her inhale then and looked up, it seemed as though she was going to say something but thought better. So Matty bit down on the insides of his cheeks to keep from asking before he exhaled slowly, digging a nail into that groove.

“He got a bit aggy, started calling me a toff and whatnot, because I 'spose I was just a rich boy who bought him a couple grams of coke every now and then.” He clucked his tongue thinking about it, but eventually shrugged. “Then I don’t know, he must’ve looked down or something ‘cause that’s when he,” Matty paused and his gaze shot over to her, then away again, “That’s when he spotted Teddy.”

Mouse wrinkled her mouth, then tried to nod, obviously wanting him to continue. Though she kept her eyes trained on the rim of her mug.

“That’s when he said some shit and I reacted.”

“Said what?”

Matty startled a little at the sound of her question but was hasty in his attempt to answer. “Just, he reckoned that Teddy was mine and that I had to have knocked someone up. So now they were just using me for the money.”

Her eyes slipped closed and her fingers tightened their grip on her cup.

Swallowing thickly, Matty went to continue, “I shoved him and told him to do one- that’s what they caught in those photos. I didn't take anything he offered, I didn't even look back after. Just walked away, thinking of Teddy, trying to get him out of there. The bloke, he kept on shouting, saying some crap about this and that. But I carried on walking.”

Matty was proud of that fact, even with everything that had happened since. Not too long ago, a different version of him would have handled it all too severely. It was a step, a tiny one, sure, but it was progress.

“Then what?” Mouse voiced, prompting him along with just a look.

“Then we walked home.” Matty replied, feeling that familiar cloud of shame dawn over him. “We didn’t really speak, I- I was a bit of a mess, trying to figure out what to do next, what to tell Teddy, to say to make it right again. But Teds, he,” Matty hauled in his next breath, all too fucking close to bawling, that he could admit. “He called for me and I looked down at him. All I could say was sorry, Mouse.”

She nodded tightly, the knuckles she had wrapped around her tea cup had whitened.

“He,” Matty felt the corners of his mouth lift as he remembered the bittersweet memory of Teddy trying to soothe him, “He told me it was alright, that we were okay, but I just kept on saying sorry. He said that the bloke was just a bad man, and I assured him of that. Wanting him to know that we were okay, that the guy was long gone. But then he-”

Matty stopped altogether then, a picture of Teddy's little face coming to the forefront of his mind, and Squeaks immediately took note.

“Then what?”

Her eyes were so full of emotion, but which ones he wasn’t too sure. Still, the sight tightened every muscle in his chest as he forced himself to finish what he’d started. “He said we couldn’t tell you.”

Matty knew he couldn’t have imagined the sharp inhale that sounded from her then, as though she'd just received a blow to the chest. And he so desperately wanted to reach out, to wrap her up and just fucking hold her. But he couldn't. It wasn't his place.

He watched on as she licked at her top lip though, blinking back the wetness that shone in her eyes, “Why?” Her voice cracked on the question but she did not cry.

It was a simple answer. “He didn’t want to hurt you.”

Mouse stood then, placing the cup down with some force before she hastily made her way over to the front window. Matty stayed seated, unsure if he’d be welcome near her.

“It fucking broke me, Squeaks.” He admitted after a moment, his lips now tingled with the sheer amount of effort it took for him to not let his emotions get the better of him. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“You should have told me.” Was her reply, sharp and cutting, enough that it fucking wounded. Because Matty knew that she was right.

“I know.” He answered.

“You should have fucking told me, Matty!” She repeated, turning then to face him. He saw the tremble of her shoulders, the curve of her mouth and how it quaked. He stared, couldn't bring himself to look away.

“I know.”

He swallowed, throat almost aching as much as the hole that made up the majority of his chest. 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

“I don't know.” He murmured, mostly to himself.

[gotasenseivebeenbetrayed]

peter

"Preserved from when we were just kids" "The goddess of timing Once found us beguiling"

The first part, they were 18 and 22 when they first got together and during the beginning of their relationship and "beguiling" means enchanting/charming - and the World was enchanted by them when they were together (aside from the haters) and then even while they were off and on over the years, he was always the one that she said would come in and out of her life and they'd "never be over", all which still fits with that beguiling line.

"I thought it was just goodbye for now"

"You said you were gonna grow up Then you were gonna come find me"

This is NOT giving me Matty vibes at all and I'll die on that hill. Again, 18 and 22 fits here more than 24 and 25. Sure, you're still growing at 24/25 don't get me wrong but, Matty was very much not saying "I'm going to grow up and come find you one day" at 25 years old in the height of his addiction and during his "I can't be with someone bigger than me because I want success on my own". This is giving "I was 18 when we got together and I need to figure my shit out but, one day we'll be together when I do". This also fits her saying he was always in and out of her life. She's been waiting for him to grow up and come find her again.

"But life was always easier on you Than it was on me"

She got way more hate during their relationship than he did, as she mentions in Slut! On top of the fact, he dated/had flings with many women back to back and never got shit for it but, she dates men back to back and gets hated for it. Granted, that could fit just about any male if we're honest but, she specifically wrote Slut! about Harry so.

"When crossing your jet stream We both did the best we could do Underneath the same moon In different galaxies"

This is giving me very much "we were constantly traveling for work and maybe my jet would cross over yours and we'd end up in the same place and try to make it work and then again when we were so far away from each other". It's also interesting that this album has quite a bit of talk about galaxies/aliens/moons and then circus/con men etc. when the last two MVS we got from Harry were "Satellite" and "Daylight" - Satellite which has the imagery of the sky/galaxy and saying he's waiting for her and then we have "Daylight" which is a circus theme MV.

"And I won't confess that I waited, but I let the lamp burn As the men masqueraded, I hoped you'd return With your feet on the ground, tell me all that you'd learned"

Here she's saying she dated other men during their time apart but, she was always still waiting for him to return to her and tell her he's grown up, figured out what he wanted, and that it's her.I also get the vibe she mentions men specifically because she was talking about him still being a "boy", so she dated men waiting for him - Calvin/Tom because they were her age range and they were "masquerading" as her boyfriend.

"And you said you'd come and get me, but you were twenty-five And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired"

This specific line is what has everyone thinking Matty but, they MET when he was 25. He was not laying all these promises out to her then and that's not what this line is saying to me. It's saying that the muse made all these promises to her BEFORE he turned 25 and then they saw each other again when he was 25 - he told her "I made those as a kid, they've expired now that we're older, they were just fantasies". Harry was 25 when he released Fine Line and when they saw each other at Ed's wedding. My guess is that was the first time they'd seen each other in a while and there was a talk that night and he might've said something along those lines or she took it that way.

All of this to also say the obvious ties of "Peter" and this song bringing the Peter Pan imagery and then "Peter Losing Wendy" reference in "Cardigan" which is obviously about Harry Styles. The fact people want to connect that with Matty now because they think this song is Matty is wild. Matty was not that young when they met, 25 is still a grown ass adult. Technically Harry was 17 when he met Taylor and who knows if they actually dated before he turned 18 or not. But James in Cardigan acts like a 17/18 year old Harry probably would've acted vs a 25 year old man. And even IF Matty and Taylor had a thing back then, it was an incredibly quick fling. Sleeping together and maybe a few dates but, they were definitely never in a relationship. She did not write Cardigan about a short fling.

[justanamesstuff]

Unrequited love at the bookshop - Matty Healy

Part 4 of Unrequited love...

A/N: took a break from studying to edit it. Happy reading :)♥

Warnings: none, just two idiots in love.

Word count: 1.9k

Blog masterlist

Y/n took a book from the shelf after admiring a few covers that caught her attention. She was well-aware of Matty’s body standing close to her. The local bookshop she liked to visit from time to time was cosy, Y/n adored wasting her hours around those bookshelves. 

“No.” Matty immediately protested when Y/n turned a couple of pages. 

Y/n kept her sight on the book, asking innocently, “What?” 

She sensed him walking closer. Peeking over her shoulder to cheek what the book was about. 

“I can see it in your eyes.” Matty accused her. His breath made a loose strand of her hair dance in the air. Y/n sighted loudly.

Matty was the first one to encourage her love for books, at the same time he kept her on check about buying ones she would probably never read. 

“What do you mean?” Y/n tried really hard to keep her voice as neutral as possible, she didn’t want to let him know he was in fact right. 

Matty was too clever for her liking. “You have enough books to read…” 

“I wasn’t-” Y/n tried to object. 

Matty was quick to stop her.“Oh, you so were!” he laughed, resting his hands on her shoulders. Even though Y/n had a tick coat on, she could sense the warmth of his hands. Her shoulders relaxed under his touch. 

“It’s a classic! And look at this edition…” Y/n touched the spine of the book, feeling the soft friction of the material against her palm. “You can’t say to my face that you don’t think this is the most beautiful cop-” Y/n continued to ramble.

Matty cut her short, again, “I sure can.” He moved to stand at her side, taking a book he didn’t care about. Matty sensed her eyes on him, she was annoyed. Y/n always got annoyed when Matty joked about her fixation with books, even when she was aware Matty was only messing with her. “Soon I’ll open your flat's door and your books are going to kill me from an avalanche!” he gasped. 

Y/n rolled her eyes, “You’re so dramatic, Healy!” moving a few feet apart from him, returning the book to rightful place.

Matty copied her actions, before walking behind Y/n like a lost puppy. “I’m not when it’s about your books.” 

Y/n took a new one, trying to keep herself distracted.

“You have a lot of them all around your house…on the floor!” she accused her. It was another one of their debates about books. Y/n kept her beloved positions organized into shelves, by genres and alphabetical order. Matty made piles all around his house, which drove Y/n crazy. “Don’t get me started on that!”

“I don’t have as many as you…”

Y/n looked at him, “Yeah, no classics…” she protested. “You’re the cool postmodern bad boy that also reads!” the teasing was accentuated by a weird movement of her hands and limbs. Matty laughed at her poor impression of him. “Such a cliché.” Y/n said in a low breath, even though he heard her. 

“Excuse me?” he continued with the teasing. 

Y/n didn’t have more arguments to continue, so she just tried to shut him up.  “Shh, I'm reading!”

Matty took a good look at the new book Y/n was holding. He moved closer. 

“You already read that book, Y/n!” he complained, trying to take it from her hands. “At least, buy one you hadn't.” Matty advised Y/n, leaving a sweet kiss on her hair line. 

Y/n admired Matty in complete silence. The singer closed the book, left it on the shelf, and tried to find one she didn’t have read. His frown trying to focus on the task was the cutest sight for Y/n’s eyes. 

Everything was interrupted when Matty glanced at the other side where Y/n wasn’t standing, making short eye contact with a group of teenagers. He turned around, shielding Y/n from their view. 

“Oh, shit…” he said under his breath, without taking another look at the group. 

“What?” Y/n asked, intrigued by his sudden change of attitude. 

“Fans.” Matty only explained for her.

He pushed Y/n to the end of the aisle, trying to be gentle while guiding her body from behind. Soon they were at a hidden corner of the bookshop, away from fans attention. 

“They recognized me? I was trying to keep my profile low…” Y/n joked about it, she wanted to ease his tension. “Y’know, I just stay hidden at home. It’s impossible to breath with all this attention-“ she kept going, watching how Matty paranoid looked around. 

“You’re not funny, you know?” he said, folding his arms, annoyed. 

“I am!” 

Y/n copied his posture.

“No.” 

Y/n stared at his eyes, creating a battle of who could maintain it longer. She smirked.

Y/n clapped in front of his eyes, “Sure, let’s ask my fans!” she proposed and started walking.

She didn’t go very far. Matty stopped her, holding her by her hip when Y/n tried to walk around his body, blocking the way.

“No.” Matty said, shortly, looking down at her eyes. “If they approach us, I’ll talk with them. Not the other way around.” Y/n stayed there, mesmerized by his soft dominance. “This is the last evening, in…months, that I’m going to see you.” Matty explained the reasons behind his actions.

“One month.” Y/n corrected him.

Matty didn’t say anything about it. He continued, “And I love my fans, but I won't waste the short time we have away from you, love.”

Y/n boobed her head up and down, “Okay.” she agreed with him. His closeness was overwhelming, so she returned to her safe space: books. 

Matty was cheeking his phone, meanwhile Y/n focused on a new story. 

“You know what’s funny?” she interrupted the silence they had been for a few minutes. 

“No, what?” he replied to a few messages from the boys and Jamie. 

“They never paired us together.” Matty eyes grew three sizes when her words reached his ears. 

He commented the reasonable thing to say, “Because we’re friends.”

Y/n didn’t stop talking her thoughts out loud. “Yes, I know. It’s strange. Like, every girl that breathes around you is dating you most of the time for fans and tabloids…”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

“And yet, here we are.” Y/n closed the book with a big sound. “I’ve been around you for years now and not a single article. They even shipped you with Phoebe!” 

“Let me get this right.” Matty rubbed his face. “You are angry because they don’t think we’re possibly dating?”

Y/n turned to be face to face again with Matty. She noticed he was trying –miserably–  to suppress a smile. Matty waited for her answer patiently, entertained by her dissertation. 

Y/n replayed his words, cringing instantly, “When you put it in that way, no.” she shook her head. “What I’m trying to say is that I feel underrated by public opinion. Like, I’m not suitable for Matty the ratty Healy?” 

Matty’s face fell, “Y/n…”

“Am I not beautiful enough?” she let her hand swing into the air. Matty took it, catching it between his own. 

“It’s not that!” Matty said, looking at her eyes.

Anything seems to work with her. Y/n didn’t know how to stop up to that point of the conversation. “Am I not smarter enough? I've met some of his girlfriends, and I don’t want to shame anyone but…I do have a higher IQ.” Matty wanted to laugh about how she was talking to him, but at the same time she was talking to herself as if he wasn’t standing in front of her.

“Y/n!” Matty tried to bring her back.

“What? I really want to know now.” 

“There’s no conspiracy theory behind it. They know you’re my best friend.”

“I know! But…”

“Drop it.” Matty drew circles on her hand. He wanted to change the topic, although he didn’t want to be insensitive with her.

Y/n studied his factions, without uttering a single word. 

She took her hand from his, muttering, “Annoying.” 

“You can’t be bothered by this…” Matty made his try to laugh about it.

“Watch me.” she was so stubborn when she wanted.

“Y/n!”

Her cheeks were red, she wanted to floor to swallow her body, it was too late to abandon her battle. “What? I know is childish and…”

“Immature.” Matty contributed.

“Yeah, thank you.” her tone sarcastic. “What if I was famous and no one paired you with me, ha? How that would make you feel?”

“There’s no point-“

“What if they ship me with George…or Ross? Adam is probably in love with a Carly in every dimension.”

“You’re thinking way too serious about this.” Matty placed his hands at each side of her face, forcing Y/n to look at him.

“This is your fault.” Y/n protested.

Matty scoffed, “What? Why?”

“You and your fans underrate me.” she pouted like a little girl, action that made Matty melt.

Matty moved his hands to hold her blushed cheeks, “Woman, what are you talking about?”

“I just want to be called pretty…and good enough for-“

“Possible dating a rat?” Matty succeeded with his intention to make her laugh. “You’re so gorgeous, Y/n.” He admitted in a whisper. 

Y/n couldn’t keep looking at his eyes, so she fixed her sight on his tie. “Yeah, well, no one ships me with someone famous.”

“I ship you with me.” Matty spat, before he could rationalize what he was going to say and stop. His heart was beating fast inside his chest. 

“Matty…”

“Love…”

Matty leaned forward. His nose touched Y/n’s, when she was trying to understand if he was joking or not. She was expecting. 

He didn’t look at her eyes, he just stared at her lips. Y/n felt the urge to wet her lips, making Matty’s mind spin. The singer let his lips barely brushed with hers. 

Someone cleaned their throat from behind Matty’s form. “Excuse me-” the person started, “Do you need help with anything?” It was an employee from the shop. 

Matty leaned backwards a few inches, staring at an amused Y/n. “No, we’re good” he replied without turning around.

“Okay, tell me if-“ the person tried to add.

Matty cut them shortly, “Thank you.”

Once the person was out of sight, Y/n started laughing at Matty.

“What?”

“You didn’t have to be mean!” Y/n half whispered, scared someone might listen. 

Matty groaned. “I was going to display the most romantic kiss of my life…at a bookshop, standing beside Woolf and Wilde and this wank-“

“Matty!” Y/n complained, smiling wide. She tried to push his body from his shoulders.

“No, come here…we haven’t finished-“ Matty went to push her close again. 

Interruptions were the order of the day. The frontman closed his eyes, Y/n admired him. 

“Sorry…” A grown-up woman commenced shyly.  “Are you Matty from the 1975?” she added then. 

Matty wanted so hard to say no, so he could return to kiss Y/n for real this time. He glanced at her. They couldn’t be mean with fans. Y/n mimicked with her mouth a silence “go”, instructing him to talk with the woman. He breathed deeply.

“Hello, yes, nice to meet you.” Matty greeted her. 

“I’m sorry to disturb you guys. My daughter is a big fan…” she started to introduce herself to Matty.

Meanwhile, Y/n stayed behind, deep in thoughts. Was he really trying to kiss her? Or it was a joke, a prank?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tagging: @jagz72 @deamus-liv @mrspeacem1nusone

(let me know if you want to be tagged)

[slafkovskys]

knies making u watch him fuck u in a mirror… my god😮‍💨😮‍💨

warnings: mature content (18+), language, unprotected sex, dom/sub undertones

“excuse me,” you freeze at the familiar voice of your mother. you turn your head to find her standing at the bottom of the stairs, arms crossed over her chest and her eyebrows raised, “weren’t you supposed to be out of here thirty minutes ago?”

“i could ask you the same question,” you send her a nervous smile that she doesn’t buy and your shoulders fall as you slump against the wall with a huff. she taps her foot once and you scramble to come up with the best excuse that you could for still hanging around your house when you were explicitly told not to, “celeste and i decided to go see a movie and i need my big purse to sneak snacks in.”

you can tell by the look she sends you that she doesn’t believe your story, but with a wave of her hand she dismisses you, telling you to “make it quick.”

with a sigh of relief, you turn and quickly make your way to the top of the stairs, pushing open the door to your bedroom. you cross the floor and push the curtain out of the way, looking into the backyard. you see a lot of the boys that your father trained during the off-season (some you recognized, some you didn’t) but not the one that you really wanted to see.

your shoulders drop and you let the curtains fall back into place while you start looking around for what you had originally came for. you find it sitting on the top shelf of your closet and when you go to reach for it, you nearly scream as a pair of arms wrap around your waist. there’s a breathy chuckle against your ear and only then do you relax because you realize who it was. his arms loosen, but he doesn’t let you go, “did i scare you?”

you turn in his arms and shove at his chest, “you’re going to get us in trouble.”

“not if you stay quiet,” matthew mumbles, running his hands down your waist and playing with the hem of your sundress that you had so stubbornly worn, “can you do that for me, babe?”

you nod your head, unable to form the words that he wants but he’s having none of that. he sends a sharp slap to the upper part of your thigh and you take a deep inhale, squeezing his biceps, “i’ll be quiet, matty. i promise.”

“good girl,” he puts two fingers under your chin, forcing you to look at him, “now i’m going to tell you what’s going to happen and you’re going to listen, responding with words. i need to know you’re okay with what’s happening. i may not be very nice about it because we don’t have a lot of time, okay?”

“yes sir,” it slips from your lips easily and he grins, pressing his mouth to your own. you grab onto his wrist like it was a lifeline, keeping you grounded as he walks you over to your bed. he sits down and pulls you down on top of him, “matty-”

“this is what’s going to happen, honey. i’m going to fuck you and you’re going to watch me do it,” he says it so normally, so casually, and your cheeks burn. he chuckles at the confusion that takes over your face, turning you in his lap so you’re facing the mirror positioned across from your bed. everything clicks into place then and he places a kiss on your shoulder, “you’re going to ride me and you’re going to walk out of here with me dripping out of you. you’re not cumming so don’t think you are. if you do this for me, i promise i’ll make it up to you later. are you okay with that?”

his fingers slip under the hem of your dress and you nod your head. before he can reprimand you, you swallow the lump in your throat, “i’m okay with it.”

he pushes your dress up and chuckles when he finds you bare underneath, “you slut. did you come over here expecting to get fucked? tell me the truth.”

“i- maybe. i didn’t know if you were going to be here.”

“you didn’t know if i was going to be here? so you would’ve gotten it from anyone then?” his fingers dip between your folds collecting some of the wetness that had formed. on instinct, your legs close around his hand and he scolds you, “if that’s how you’re going to act, i’ll just go back downstairs…”

“no, i- it’s, i wouldn’t have gotten it from anyone. only you. it’s just yours. i’m yours.”

“i know that you are,” he pushes your legs apart, “now i want you to watch me and tell me what i’m about to do to you. if you close your eyes, i stop. do you understand?”

“i do,” you let out breathlessly as he rubs his thumb over your clit before sinking his fingers into your heat in one go. you tense against his chest and he uses his free hand to pat your thigh, reminding you of your task, “you, you’re going to fuck me and i’m going to watch.”

“what are you supposed to do, honey?”

“ride you,” your eyes connect in the mirror and he has a smirk on his lips as he slips a third finger beside his ring and index. you gasp in surprise, “matty-”

“keep going, y/n. they’re going to notice i’m gone soon.”

“i need to ride you and make you cum, but i- i can’t. i’m going to be good though so that i can,” you take a deep breath, “and when you’re done, you’re gonna make me walk out of here with you dripping out of me.”

“damn right i am,” his hand wraps around your neck and forces it back, pressing his lips to yours roughly. he lets it last for a second, still working you open before he pulls away enough to utter the words, “get my dick out. i can’t wait anymore.”

he brings his fingers to his lips while you pull his cock free, rubbing it up your slit a few times to gather the wetness on it before starting to push it in. you gasp, the stretch like nothing you had felt before and having to view it from this angle was a different type of stimulant. when your dress slips, matthew grabs it in one hand and pulls you back against his chest once your are fully seated on his lap, “look at how well you’re taking me, baby. taking me like you were made for me.”

“matt, i-” you try to reach for something, “i can’t-”

“you need help, honey? are you still okay with this?” his eyes flash concern for a moment as tears slip from your eyes.

“i’m fine, i just- help,” you utter and he grins, wrapping his big hands around your waist. his nails dig into your hips and you groan throwing your head back onto his shoulder as he thrusts up. he lets you get away with it for one, two, before there’s a pop to your thigh. “i’m sorry.”

“i think that you were made for me. never letting you go anywhere. look at how pretty you look taking me,” he mutters in your ear and you tilt your head forward, watching the way his thick cock stretches you open because at that point you had just become pliant on his lap, holding off your own release.

you can tell by the way his thrusts start to get sloppy he was close and when he reaches his hand between your legs to thumb at where you were most sensitive. you whine, “matty, you-”

“i know what i said, y/n, but you look too damn good right now,” is his only explanation and who are you to argue with that?

it doesn’t take long before he’s filling you with a quiet grunt and you follow not long after, him covering your mouth with the hand that wasn’t working you through your release. you feel his lips against your cheek, muttering praise about how good you were and how this was absolutely not the last time you would be doing this.

“matty, i-” you take a deep breath, leaning into his chest as his hands slowly rub at your thighs, “i don’t think that i can walk.”

“oh honey,” he coos, a little mean about it, “you know that you can.”

he gives you some time to recoup on his lap before he’s gently nudging you away. you stand on shaky legs while he tucks himself back into his shorts, a stupid little smirk on his lips as he watches you shift your weight from side to side. he pulls you in again and you gasp as his finger traces the line of his cum that had begun to slip out. he’s almost proud when he says, “keep your window open. as long as you're good, i’ll come back and clean you up tonight.”

with a final pat to your leg, he stands up and slips out of your bedroom, leaving you frozen in the middle very aware of his implication of what cleaning you up entailed…

and you couldn’t wait.

[thrasherartist]

I am proper mad!!! Those swifties, only now they acknowledge the story matty and taylor had since freaking 2014!!

"Omg so the [insert song here] is actually about matty healy?"— average swiftie.

"Omg so we ruined it for them?"

"Omg so she was in love, love?"

Yes!!! We been telling you since 2014!! We been telling you last year!! And you blocked maylor fans like rabid dogs, and now I see theories, the same theories we blogged on twitter and tumblr, and tiktok, surfacing.

A big f to the crazy taylor swift fans, who started a freaking petion a year ago!!! That is CRAZY.

It is been months and I am not forgiving you. Ever.

Looked up at the sky and it was

The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon

The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me

And I chose you

In New York, no shoes

The one I was dancin' with

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was

The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones

I hoped you'd return

With your feet on the ground

Tell me all that you'd learned

Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned

And you said you'd come and get me but you were 25

And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired

Lost to the lost boys chapter of your life

Forgive me Peter, please know that I tried

To hold onto the days when you were mine

But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light.

I know a place

It's somewhere I go when I need to remember your face

We get married in our heads

Something to do while we try to recall how we met

Do you think I have forgotten?

Do you think I have forgotten?

Do you think I have forgotten

About you?

[baronessblixen]

O Holy No (10/10)

Today's prompt: elf on the shelf proposal

Summary: It's Christmas morning. (wc: 1,152)

Tagging @today-in-fic

“Mr. Mulder is Santa!” A child screams, and then a chorus breaks out, and someone tugs at Mulder's sleeve while another child jumps up on the couch with him and Scully. What a way to wake up.

“What is going on?” he asks groggily, staring into a young child’s face. Freckles, red hair, and a very familiar nose. She must be a Scully, but he’s forgotten her name.

“Santa came,” the girl says in awe. “I think,” she trails off, taking a deep breath, “I think he brought a bike.” Mulder’s heart swells watching how excited the child is. Maybe one day he and Scully... he doesn't have the time to think of what if's and possibilities, because this girl isn't done interrogating him.

“Are you really Santa?” she asks him, her expression showing the familiar skepticism.

“Maybe,” he says and the girl’s eyes grow wide.

“He’s not Santa,” one of the older kids says. “He’s Aunt Dana’s boyfriend.”

“Auntie Dana is married to Santa Claus!”

“Hey Scully,” Mulder says, while the kids start looking through the gifts, the adults filing into the living room, not even half as excited as their offspring. “Did you hear? We’re married now.”

“Hm?” She’s barely awake, cracking open an eye. How she slept through all this is a mystery to him. She can sleep anywhere, anytime – and through everything. It makes him fall in love with her just a little bit more. After last night, he didn’t think that was possible. The gift she gave him means more to him than he could put into words. And then there was what she said to him. I love you. She said it, the three small words. The jury is still out on how they’ll cope once they’re back in the real world, away from this candy cotton-flavored fairytale they’re living. But he’s hopeful. He’s a believer.

“Let’s get some coffee, hm?” Mulder helps her up and leads a sleepy Scully into the kitchen where they meet Mrs. Scully.

“Good morning, you two.” She and Mulder exchange a smile, Scully goes straight for the coffee. “Do you have any idea who did this?” Mrs. Scully asks and points at the kitchen table where an elf sits with an engagement ring in his hand. She’s looking at him as if waiting for him to admit that he’s the one who put it there, ready to ask Scully for her hand in marriage. For once, he's completely clueless.

“Um,” is all that he gets out. Scully, now with a cup of coffee in her hand, joins him and almost chokes.

“Mulder?” she asks, her voice squeaky.

“No,” he says quickly. “It wasn’t me. I swear.”

“It was me,” Bill says, walking into the kitchen with Matthew in his arms. Both father and son look like they didn’t get much sleep. “I had some help from my own little elf, right, Matty?” The boy grins up at his father.

“You’re already married,” Scully says

“I know, but I-” he trails off when Tara walks into the kitchen. Mulder just watches the two of them, a smile appearing on his face. “There she is,” Bill says, reaching for her hand. Tara comes cheerfully, giggling, and exchanging looks with the rest of them.

“What is happening here? Why is our elf on the shelf holding a ring? Bill?”

“Tara Scully, I want to ask you to marry me – again. We had to get married so quickly last time because I was leaving. This time I want us to have the big wedding you always dreamed about. Our son will be there, and our families. What do you say?”

“Oh, Bill.” She throws herself at her husband and her son who squeals in delight. Mrs. Scully, teary-eyed, joins in. Mulder pushes Scully towards her family and she goes willingly. He just watches the moment, glad he was able to witness it.

“That is the best Christmas gift you could have given me,” Mulder hears Tara whisper, crying openly. He wants to quietly slip away, thinking he should leave them alone now. Someone grabs his arm and to his surprise, it’s not his Scully.

“I’m hoping you’ll be there, too. When Tara and I get married,” Bill says. “As my sister’s date.” Mulder swallows hard and nods.

“I’d love that. Congrats, by the way.” Bill gives him a handshake and a nod. Maybe one day they will manage a hug. Looks like this won’t be the last time he’s present at a family event.

“So,” Mulder says later, with Scully tugged into his side on the couch, the Christmas celebrations going on around them. “Your brother invited me to his wedding.”

“He did.”

“It was a cute proposal.” He’s not going to ask her any time soon. Or maybe ever. He knows he wants to spend the rest of his life next to her. They don’t need the party or the paper. “Hey, maybe at the wedding we can investigate the case of the stolen purple dildo.” Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Scully chuckle.

“You’re not going to give up on it, are you?” she asks him, her head against his shoulder.

“Have you ever known me to give up?” he jokes, but when she turns to him, she’s serious.

“No,” she says. “I haven’t. It’s one of the many reasons why I love you.”

“What are the others?” He’s grinning. He can’t stop. If he could, he’d preserve this moment in time. As if reading his mind, Mrs. Scully and her new digital camera find them. She’s smiling when she asks him to sit still so she can take a picture. Mulder puts his arm around Scully and grins. This is the first of many. Maybe he’ll frame it and put it up, too. Just like his picture of Samantha.

A part of him will always peek into the past, remembering his little sister. But he can commemorate this too. His and Scully’s love; a slice of happiness. He doesn’t know what’s to come, but he’s ready for it. Scully smiles at him, kisses his cheek, and giggles, mumbling something about him being scratchy. And Mulder laughs, too, the happiness just bubbling up inside of him.

Tomorrow they’ll face the world again. Mulder knows he’ll have to talk to Diana. Make her see and understand that all he’s interested in is her friendship. If she won’t listen, he’ll let her go. While spending the day with Scully and her family, Mulder gets an email with a possible new case. He shows it to Scully and he sees the interest flicker in her eyes. But that’s for later. He shuts off his phone and Scully raises an eyebrow.

“The only person I’d want to hear from today is currently giving me an adorable look.” She kisses him, laughing against his lips.

This is, without a doubt, his favorite Christmas ever.

[historia-vitae-magistras]

Part Five: Interrogations

First Installment: Here.

Last Installment: Here.

Current Installment: You are here!

Author's note: Inspired by the 1950s short story "The Man Who Came Early" by Poul Anderson. This installment of the Viking-time-travel au sees Arthur ever so polite, some light torture and gore, some slightly tenderized federal fillet and some primo semi-sane eldritch Mattie. This should be the last use of humans.

21st Century

Washington DC

Diplomatic Security Service

It was easy enough. Two minutes in the car, three key card swipes of Alfred’s ID cards Matthew had lifted from his apartment, four steps past the secretary’s back as she left for the night. Five more as he entered a shitty little office in some shitty little government building.

“Good evening,” Arthur, in the very image of proper manners, greeted the man sitting behind the desk, hand extended to introduce himself. "Arthur Kirkland, I believe I may have some business with you."

“They said you might come.” Corcoran muttered. He didn't shake Arthur's hand. His son’s handler was a paunch-laden man with a red face and puffy hands named Cocorcan in his forties. He was only somewhat familiar to Arthur, as Alfred had been on his best behaviour lately, studying hard to fling himself off the planet again. No one serious had been given the post for some time.

"Did they do? I am glad to hear it! Hopefully, that will help us smooth this along!"

“What… would that be?”

“I haven’t heard from my son, your chief responsibility, in some time.” Arthur had not sat. He ran a finger through some dust on a shelf holding official-looking framed certificates and made a face—Corcoran sweat. Arthur squashed his pleasure. “Now, why would that be?”

“I’m sure service is spotty.” Corcoran tried. And failed.

“Is that so?” Arthur countered. “Are you quite sure about that?”

"It's a space station. How reliable could cell service be?” Corcoran gave a pathetic shrug.

“You may want to consider your answer. You have one more opportunity before I hand things over to my associate, if only because Alfred is ever so fond of the inept fools put in charge of him. Have you anything to say about that?”

“Like I said—”

He didn’t get another word out before the blood had drained from his face. Matthew appeared at Arthur’s shoulder, and Corcoran looked like he’d seen a ghost.

“You’re dead, they dragged you out of Hudson Bay!” Oh, this was going to be fun.

"Is that right?" Arthur glanced at Matthew. Honestly, it was more difficult to keep him alive now that he was grown than when he was small. Well, grown. Overgrown. He took in the lad's height. They would have to talk about that. And the Matthew did look like he’d been dead for a day or two, but that was par for the course for his boy when stressed. Somewhere between refusing to cry and appearing at Arthur's, his face had transformed into the one Arthur had rarely seen in recent years. His son had not been a creature of the shadows for some time, and the sharp points of his face were predatory. “Well, that would explain how uncontrollable he’s become! Made quite a mess. Come back wrong, did you lad?”

Corcoran didn’t respond. He put his hand to his waist, where there would be a service pistol. Matthew was faster, his fingers finding the attaching small joints of Corcoran’s dominant hand and pinching so tightly that Corcoran’s grip jumped open. One smooth motion saw the man’s face smushed against the wall, one arm flailing, the other bent at an extreme angle behind his head. Even the smallest resistance would see the shoulder pop out at a sickening angle. It was Matthew’s favourite grapple. The maneuver didn’t require strength, and he efficiently used his stronger left hand and great height. Smart lad.

Matthew easily disarmed him, kicking the pistol across the floor, then an out-of-date mobile phone. Arthur pocketed both. And then, looking happier than he had in days, Matthew put the tip of his old paratrooper knife against the man’s jugular.

"You can start talking, or I can start cutting." The knife's point rested against the man's skin, and Matt stared hard into his eyes as the Corcoran dragged his head to stare out at Matthew. Matthew hadn’t slept, which would be evident to anyone, but his son was unstable. Arthur knew better. Matthew looked unpredictable, unhinged and half mad, precisely what the situation needed. What had been frustrated tears were now red-rimmed eyes on a sharp, bone-pale face. He looked out of control, breathing hard, his eyes narrow, desperate and… oddly gleeful. “You choose.”

"I'm afraid the lad is rather handy with his whittling." Arthur added as if noting the weather was particularly pleasant that day. He pulled the points of his waistcoat down and leaned over. “Won medals when he was a lad. I suggest doing as asked.”

“I can’t!”

“Loyal to your country, are you?” Matthew asked, his voice hardly audible. Soft and insane. “Might want to give that loyalty a second thought."

Shot through with pride, Arthur suppressed a smile and clicked his tongue in a scolding way, and shook his head, like Matthew was being petulant about naptime. “Just answer a few questions, and this will all go away.”

“You can't do this! It’ll be right to the electric chair for both of you.”

“Just because you kill me doesn’t mean I’ll die.” Matthew’s pressure on the blade increased; just enough that blood trickled down Corcoran’s jugular. The man trembled. Matthew put his face closer to Corcoran’s jaw. “You did something to my brother. My brother. His laughter was the first thing I knew of humanity. And you’re going to tell me where the fuck he is or you will never hear another laugh. Neither will your wife or your children. Anyone who ever knew you will know nothing but the silence I have endured. There will be nothing but winter where you once knew joy.”

Jesus Christ. Arthur blinked, once and then twice. Well, the boys had always been fond of each other.

Corcoran whimpered. Arthur rolled his shoulders and sighed, disappointed in him.

"We wouldn't want you to make a poor choice, would we? My boy is wonderfully creative.”

Corcoran broke.

[floralcrematorium]

How did Alfred handle Matt growing up taller than him?

I think in the end, Alfred doesn’t care.

He’s pretty tall himself! I see him personally being or just being shy of 6’0” (ballpark 5’10”-5’11”) whereas Mattie’s a good 6’2” probably. These boys are trees.

There might’ve been slight insecurity when they were hitting The Growth Spurt Years, but nowadays Alfred handles being shorter like a comedy skit. It’s fun to ask Matt to reach something on a top shelf for him when Alfred is perfectly capable of reaching it himself. Ultimately Al aims to pester and irritate but not harm. He causes confusion and delay.

If he goes too far Matthew won’t hesitate to get him back. Firm believer that while Matt doesn’t often pick fights, he sure as hell finishes them every time.

I do think Alfred hit his growth spurts first and would be a bit rude about it.

In FACE situations I think Fran and Arthur look at their sons like… Where Did They Get Their Height From (I think canonically FrUK are both 5’9” and I’m not opposed to that. Arthur appears shorter because he’s got terrible posture sometimes but I honestly like them the same height).

I accounted for Arthur’s slouch here lol (I think Arthur tries to have good posture and is better about it when he has to be. However man is chronically doomed to slouching).

[notoriousbeb]

TTPD Thoughts - The Manuscript (Pt. 1)

TTPD Notes Glossary

"Fortnight"  

Definitely written in the spring of 2023. I think the video was shot in the fall.  

The concept of treason/being a traitor comes up in reference to Harry in 1989 as well (“you dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor”)  

In the music video, the typewriter Taylor is using is missing the 1 key (like the song “The 1”?) and she leaves several blank spaces in her writing of “I love you, it’s ruining my life” (perhaps a nod to the “Blank Space” song?)  

When Taylor and Post Malone are laying in the Taylor head silhouette it's a callback to the "Style" music video from the original 1989 era, where the Harry stand in guy is standing on a beach in a silhouette of Taylor's head.  

You know who is tattooed and kinda hot and thus a good Harry stand in a MV? Posty.  

I think she's envisioning a kind of nightmare future of being trapped in the metaphorical neighborhood that is their small industry and having to watch him move on while she continues to love him (ugh. thanks, it's beautiful and sounds awesome and i hate it).  

The last new album, "Midnights,” ends with "Hits Different,” on the line, "Is that your key in the door, down the hallway? Is that your key in the door, is it okay? Is it you? Or have they come to take me away? To take me away?" First line of Fortnight, the first song on TTPD? "I was supposed to be sent away but they forgot to come and get me.”  

A slight diversion into "Hits Different" and why I've always believed it's about Harry:  She's clubbing, so that narrows down the choices right away to either Harry or Calvin, but based on how she went right from Calvin to Tom to Joe and was definitely not heartbroken enough to be puking, but rather immediately enamored with someone else....We learn that, technically, she broke up with him ("curse the space that I needed") but she's devastated. Like "I broke my own heart, cuz you were too polite to do it?" This really seals it as 1989 Harry to me.  

“The Tortured Poets Department”  

Definitely written in the spring of 2023  

“Who else decodes you?” reminds me of how Harry called their back-and-forth song writing to/about each other (cue the “Fortnight” typewriter smoke battle) “the most amazing unspoken dialogue ever.”  

A “tattooed golden retriever?” I mean… come the fuck on. That’s a Harry descriptor if I’ve ever seen one.  

“You’re in self-sabotage mode, throwing spikes down on the road, but I’ve seen this episode and I still love the show.” “You awaken with dread pounding nails in your head. But I’ve read this one where you come undone." These aren’t the words of someone who merely wondered about what it would be like to be with a friend or acquaintance. These are two people who deeply know each other and have been together before.  

Also, Harry has documented anxiety that she’s also sung about it previously (“did you get anxious though, on the drive home?” - Now That We Don’t Talk)  

I hate and love the fact that they both told people they would kill themselves if it didn’t work out. I hate it, because that’s a terrible, dumb plan. But I love the passion. Also, who is Lucy? Was he taking to Lucy from Boygenius? That Lucy openly dislikes Matty on main, so I think it’s weird people are using her as a proof point that this song is about him. Did Taylor change that particular name here because it would have been a dead giveaway for this song being about Harry?  (Someone like, Ed, perhaps?)

“My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys  

Probably written in spring 2023  

She refers to the muse as the “sickest (I believe this is a double meaning as in cool and also having mental illness issues) army doll purchased at the mall.”  

You ever seen a G.I. Joe under the fatigues? They don’t look like a pasty ex heroin addict. They do look like a certain former boy-bander from Manchester, though. Just saying.  

“Oh, here we go again,” “put me back on my shelf,” “we could’ve played for keeps this time,” “I knew too much/there was danger in the heat of my touch,” “he saw forever so he smashed it up.” Again, these are things you say about someone you’ve been with before, on and off, not someone you saw in concert twice and worked with once. You, especially, don’t see forever with someone after only 20 days.  

“But you should’ve seen him when he first got me.” We did see Matty. Was there someone else in the background who, perhaps, we did not see? Perhaps a certain curly haired former Boy Bander?

“‘Cause it fit too right/Puzzles pieces in the dead of night.” Hmm. Doesn’t sound like the mediocre sex described in “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived” to me

Want to know what lines had me crying in the club on my sad girl walk? “Just say when—I’d play again. He was my best friend down at the sand lot.” Again, these are two people who know each other very well, and have for a long time.  

[honelle56]

unfiltered thoughts on ttpd

I just finished my first listen of TTPD so below you can find my first thoughts on each song as I listened at 6 in the morning (I need sleep so bad lmao)

1. Fortnight

AAAAHHH I AM LISTENING!!!!! This has such Lana vibes omg!

Who do we wanna murder now??

I love you it's ruining my life :(

IS THIS ABOUT MATTY???????????

Is Post Malone getting the female singer treatment hahahahah

oh okay there he is!!

Florida mention!!!!!

2. The Tortured Poets Department

Woah I like this beat!!!

No-fucking-body!!!!

Dream mention????? (golden retriever)

This is so pretty

Wait is this about Travis??? I am so confused. Please tell me this isn't about Matty too

Oh the wedding mention

3. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

Put me back on the shelf :(

Love the melodies

THE OUTRE THE OUTRO LOVE THISSSS

WHY IS THIS SO SAD FUCK ME

4. Down Bad

I can't do this IT IS SO SAD

"Fuck it if I can't have him"

hahaha

Is this another Matty track........ I can't do this

So fuck you if I can't have us :((((

5. So Long, London

Are we in a church

Jesus fuck why is this so sad

this is so beautiful

I am crying

I sent my full reaction to this song to @bluishfrog and it's basically just me looking at the lyrics while crying lmfao

6. But Daddy I Love Him

This one is about Matty again huh

I need a dictionary

I fuck with this song so bad

7. Fresh Out The Slammer

my first word was "Woah"

Back to cheating

"Years of labor, locks and ceilings In the shade of how he was feeling"

Outch

Oh god this one is hard - this sounds like end of relationship stuff

"Watched me daily disappearing For just one glimpse of his smile"

:((((

So many outros, I really fuck with this

Imaginary rings what if I go die

8. Florida!!!

she cheated too????

omg an actual feature with a female artist!!! We love!!!

I did not think this song would be about murder and drugs lmfao

Sorry I got lost in the dnf-isms, loved the song

9. Guilty as Sin?

I will have to come back to this, I am so tired I just completely zoned out xD

Love the vibes tho

It's a bop ngl

10. Who's Afraid of Little Old Me

Oh I will love this

FUCK IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL

THE CHORUS WOW WOW WOW

THIS IS SO GOOD

This is so my favourite so far

Okay so we are in an asylum lmao

"Put narcotics into all of my songs And that's why you're still singing along"

this is genius

THIS SONG IS AWESOME

11. I Can Fix Him

love the vibes

god her lower register help me

THE ENDING I AM CACKLING THIS IS SONGWRITING PERFECTION (also thanks Taylor for coming to your senses lmfao)

12. loml

this sounds sad..............

Every mention of getting married makes we want to committ

Never quite married FUCK HIM FUCK HIM FUCK HIM

I don't wanna do this anymore

"And all at once, the ink bleeds"

all the songs they wrote together I am...... not fine

"You shit-talked me under the table Talking rings and talking cradles I wish I could unrecall How we almost had it all"

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

this bridge broke me

the loss of my life I-

13. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

What a bleachers sounding song

okay so this is definitely what we thought it would be about

"Lights, camera, bitch, smile Even when you wanna die"

you go girl

A BOP

i am crying and dancing in my bed

"He said he'd love me for all time But that time was quite short"

FUCK HIM FUCK HIM FUCK HIM

okay time to dance again

"I'm so depressed, I act like it's my birthday every day"

she's so silly

the ad-libs I love her so much

14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

not the breath - i wanted to keep dancing :(

"And I don't even want you back, I just want to know If rusting my sparkling summer was the goal"

ughhhhhh

the lower register hitting again

BRIDGE BRIDGE BRIDGE AND WHAT A BRIDGE

oh she is angry agnry

"I would've died for your sins Instead I just died inside"

WHY WHY WHY

FUCK HIM FUCK HIM FUCK HIM

15. The Alchemy

I zoned again lmao

IS THIS ABOUT TRAVIS??????

WHO CHEERED

love this for her

16. Clara Bow

"You look like Taylor Swift In this light, we're loving it You've got edge, she never did The future's bright, dazzling"

oh how I love this, she is such a genius

[georgiapeach30513]

Moodboard Masterlist

Requests and part of a moodboard event. Maybe these will become a one shot/series, and maybe we will just have pretty things to look at.

*Chris Evans*

Andy Barber Big Babies Again A Little Rain Must Fall Looking Thirsty Lost in A Dream Cozy Little Christmas Nasty Naughty Boy* It’s Yours, All Yours* Daddy’s Pride & Joy Loving Me All Night Long

Ari Levinson Play Me A Memory A Lot of Tears Fade Away* The Midnight Hours New Kind of Tension Kiss The Stars* When I’m With You Try & Stop Me Got A Craving For You The Feeling’s Right

Cole Turner Maybe It’s Wrong A Crying Shame You Belong to Me Eyes Like Starlight I Wish I Was Andy The Spike in My Heart* Make Me Worry

Colin Shea Like A Bird in Flight Last Night* The Chance to Be A Hero

Curtis Everett Crazy, Stupid, Out of My Mind Saints & Sinners* Pity The Men Sweet Little Beautiful Make Me Dream of You

Frank Adler The Season Gone When the Night Falls What The Lightning Sees* In The Evening Light Rhythm of Your Heartbeat

Jack O’Malley All There’s Left to Do Every Whisper Knowing It’s Selfish My Own World Perfume on the Shelf Run, Run Rudolph So Peaceful Until Tangled Up Tie Me Up Again Until You Show Me You Know I Like to Touch

Jake Jensen The Love & Tenderness He Is My Song How You Scream My Name*

Jake Wyler Made to Be Mine*

James Mace Warm Up to Me* The King to Your Story

Jimmy Dobyne The Way You Did Last Night* We Drifted Away

Johnny Storm Blurring Truth Sweat Dripping Down Screaming Out Her Name This Hole in My Chest* But The Truth Is No Privacy* Things I Can’t Escape*

Kyle Heavy Into Your Arms Watch & See*

Lloyd Hansen When You Put Your Hands on Me We All Got Needs The Girls Come Easy*

Lucas Lee Keep Coming Back For More*

Matty “Me” My Only Friends Are Pirates*

Mike Weiss When I Crack That Whip* Even If It Hurts Devoted To You Searching Our Hearts

Mr. Freezy In Mysterious Ways* Your Greed Sold Me Out Paid My Dues

Nick Gant The Look in Your Eyes

Nick Vaughan Breath on Me

Paul Diskant Take A Look* Paid My Dues

Ransom Drysdale A Reason Why Begging For Mercy Can’t Hear My Thoughts Choke This Love Fear The Reaper* Forever & Ever I’ve Never Seen No Good At All Let Your Daddy See Never Fallen From Quite This High The Sting of This Pain Too Far Gone The Twisted Way You Think of Me What It’s Like

Ryan Ackerman Losing Your Mind* I’ll Take the Pain

Steve Rogers Forevermore Being Poised Counting Stars A Heart Don’t Forget Just Pull the Trigger* Makes You Yearn Sugar Coated

*Sebastian Stan*

Bucky Barnes Another Time & Place Take the Time* The Shadows of Love

Carter Baizen Sweat Dripping Down

Chase Collins Double Shot of Crown* Serving All This

Dayton White Cause We’re All Alone*

Jefferson Within Your Eyes An Open Page*

Lance Tucker Go Where You Go

Nick Fowler A Dizzy Head & A Grin

Steve Kemp The Devil on Her Team Diamonds in His Watch*

*Charlie Hunnam*

Jax Teller Break All the Rules Down on My Knees

*Jensen Ackles*

Dean Winchester He Offers Me Protection/Soldier Boy*

[arwainian]

Reading This Week 2024 #33

As warned, I come to you a day late because I was out of my house from 7:20am to 9:20pm. That time out was planned but also along the way my car battery died so I've sent it to the shop to get it looked at

I've really been in the zone with audiobooks this week, and I also worked on reading through the comic books I've had languishing on my shelf

Finished:

Blue Box, Vol. 1 by Kouji Miura, translated by Christine Dashiell cute manga about some students at a very sports focused high school, badminton playing boy protagonist with a HUGE crush on basketball playing upperclassman girl. pretty cute, great art

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg I am so glad that my library system had a physical copy of the 20th anniversary edition. It felt like an honor to hold this book in my hand. As expected, I cried at several points reading this. I have to say though, the mythos that has sprung up around this book (on tumblr but I'm sure elsewhere) as a Lesbian Book really really undersells how much this book's perspective is just as much if not more Working Class. it's a book about labor and difficulty making ends meet while butch: Jess' decision to pass as a man is certainly a gender-identity based decision but crucially it is also a financial one in hopes of getting a better job. Anyway. read the actual book

Remina by Junji Ito, translated by Jocelyn Allen read to keep up with Shelved by Genre. didn't like this one

Boys Weekend by Mattie Lubchansky recommended by a friend, graphic novel where a transfem attends the bachelor party of their old college buddy while the casino town they're in is taken over by a tech-startup-cult

The Empire of Gold by S.A. Chakraborty, narrated by Soneela Nankani okay yeah I spent like the last 2 hours of the audiobook jumping up and down my hallway. this was pretty rad, thanks for the rec dad. if you, like me, are put off by the YA characterization vibes in the first book, the characters do grow up

only fooling yourself by volefriend on ao3

System Collapse by Martha Wells, narrated by Kevin R. Free the murderbot diaries are always great

Jonny Appleseed by Joshua Whitehead, narrated by the author recommended to me by a friend! interesting and matter of fact perspective on racialized sex work from a two-spirit person

The Marlow Murder Club by Robert Thorogood, narrated by Nicolette McKenzie I'm going to come clean, I read this because I forgot the title of The Thursday Murder Club. however I really enjoyed this band of middle aged and older british ladies becoming friends and solving murders

Good Deeds #1-2 written by Che Grayson, art by Kelsey Ramsay, colors by Ronda Pattison comic about a small Florida town with unsettling supernatural stuff happening. I will be tracking down the other issues

Washed in the Blood #1 written by Kevin Roditeli, art by Rob Cannon, Kostas Pantoulas, and Vivi Ekhart the art and the lettering in this comic is crazy fun, but the story might be too "ooh so edgy" for me. I'll keep an eye out for the other issues but wont prioritize it

Crashing #1-3 written by Matthew Klein, art by Morgan Beem, colors by Triona Farrell miniseries focused on a doctor treating superpowered patients. absolutely going to find the other two issues of it, I need to see where this ends

What Feasts at Night by T. Kingfisher sequel to What Moves the Dead. it wasn't as good as the first one but it was still pretty enjoyable horror

Started/Ongoing:

The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch, narrated by Michael Page so excited to be reading this for the sff bookclub. too clever for their own good con man scoundrels are a favored character type of mine

Invisible Kingdom, Vol. 1: Walking the Path written by G. Willow WIlson, art by Christian Ward scifi comic that looked cool! a comic book shop employee recommended it to a friend, and I remembered I'd seen it at my library so I picked it up to check out (gorgeous scifi art)

little warrior by kathkin on ao3 read the next chapter :)

chapter 9 of follow the sun by verdantstars on ao3 new chapter out of a fire emblem three houses fic i like!

DNFs:

The Collected Poems of Audre Lorde this is hopefully just a temporary dnf. it was due back at the library and i did not have time to finish reading it before then. with any luck I'll check it out again when i have a bit more poetry reading motivation

Ragnarok by A.S. Byatt, narrated by Harriet Walter

Portrait of a Thief by Grace D. Li, narrated by Eunice Wong and Austin Ku

Reading Plans:

obviously The Lies of Locke Lamora is on my reading plan list bc its the sff book club pick for september! and I'll be reading Sensor to keep up with Shelved by Genre

other books I have out from the library and want to try out but may not finish reading: Bloom Into You Vol. 2 by Nakatani Nio, The Sprite and the Gardener by Rii Abrego and Joe Whitt, Female Husbands: A Trans History by Jen Manion, narrated by Kate Harper, The River of Silver by S.A. Chakraborty, narrated by Soneela Nankani

and I want to read more of the books that exist on my physical bookshelves. some of that I've been doing by borrowing the audiobook versions of them (like Jonny Appleseed and System Collapse above) but others dont have that option

[contrastparadoxx]

Mattie my guy Habitt put lakrav in gay boy jail

"Do you mean... one of the storage bins or... the shelf in the gym?"

>Are you speaking from experience sir?