#maybe I’ll have forgiven anyone I ever need to and everyone will have forgiven me

[onigiriico]

Muu audio drama (t2) - English TL

[ links: Spotify / YT Music ]

Behold, the longest voice drama I’ve ever posted. This thing is almost 2.3k words long. I am in pain /lh

As always, feel free to head to my ask box or my Twitter (now actually with open DMs lmao) for any questions, potential mistranslations, etc.!

Also,, Trigger warning (aside from. well. the usual Milgram things): Towards the end, they discuss another character’s threat of suicide. It’s nothing super graphic, but there sure are... opinions on it, so please proceed with caution if that’s a touchy topic for you!

⬇️ translation under the cut ⬇️

(door opens)

M: Ah, it’s been a while, Warden-san. – Things have gotten tough, haven’t they… Everyone seems to be struggling and the whole atmosphere feels tense because everyone’s struggling, it’s really troublesome.

E: Is that so?

M: But as for me, I think Milgram has become a lot more comfortable! I know now that I can get whatever I want if I ask for it, so I don’t need to be so on edge anymore.

E: …

M: You did say that you and Milgram are our allies, and maybe you were right all along!

E: …

M: Aww, it’s boring if it’s just me talking! We’re talking to each other for the first time in a while, so you tell me about something interesting too, Warden-san~

E: You’re in pretty high spirits.

M: Am I?

E: I feel like you’ve brightened up.

M: Maybe…

E: But following the judgment after your first trial, the situation in Milgram has changed. And in the aftermath, Kotoko has attacked people too… From how I remember you, I would have expected you to feel uneasier than this.

M: Huh? But that has nothing to do with me.

E: What?

M: The ones who are suffering are the ones who have done bad things, right? You know, like, what goes around comes around.

E: …

M: Besides, Kotoko hurt and was mean to the people who didn’t get forgiven by you, right?

E: …Yeah.

M: Wouldn’t it be weird for me to have any thoughts on that, then? After all, I didn’t do anything wrong. You forgave me!

E: …

M: Eh? Is something wrong? Those who didn’t get forgiven by you must be bad people, if you ask me! I believe in you, Warden-san, so I’d hope you feel happy!

E: …Thanks for that.

M: See, you said you forgave me and that’s part of your job, so it’s probably right! Come on, come on, have some confidence!

E: … Speaking of which, you seem to be pretty close to Haruka.

M: …? Yeah! He’s the one I get along with best in Milgram!

E: Do you have some kind of goal with that?

M: Huh? E: Haruka’s loyalty towards you is one thing, but with this kind of relationship, I think it’s only natural to wonder if you’re using him for something.

M: Ehh… Warden-san, do you not have any friends?

E: Huh?

M: Are there any?

E: None that I could think of.

M: Wow, poor thing,.. I’ll teach you! Friends aren’t like that, you know. Rather than using each other for something, we just get along because we’re comfortable around each other. That’s all.

E: Well, I’m sorry about that.

M: Haruka-kun is really nice! He accepts anything I say, he listens to anything I tell him. For me, that’s really comfortable.

E: And that’s… “friendship”?

M: What do you mean? Of course we’re friends! Haruka-kun is happy with it, so it only has benefits for both of us!

E: I, as someone who has no friends, can’t judge, of course, but isn’t that just exploitation?

M: Exploitation…? Um, I don’t really understand, but… I do help him pick out clothes [in return], and I recently gave him a hairpin I didn’t need anymore as a hand-me-down!

E: …

M: We also have in common that we’re both people who were forgiven by you, Warden-san, so I don’t think it’s a relationship that anyone could have a problem with! E: … I already said this to Haruka, but Milgram consists of three trials, and I have only forgiven you this once. I think it’s too early to feel completely safe.

M: Eh~ You already decided to forgive me. I think it’d be uncool to be like, “Oh, actually, nevermind” now.

E: This is just how it is.

M: It’s fine already, isn’t it? You saw me, didn’t you? And from that, you decided that I haven’t done anything wrong, didn’t you?

E: Yeah, that’s right. For the first trial, that is.

M: It’s the same no matter how many times we do this. I’m me, after all. That won’t change.

E: If I keep looking from now on, will I come across something that puts you in a less positive light?

M: Eh?

E: Milgram reveals the truth through videos and music. After deciding whether to forgive you or not in the first trial, I’ll continue to dig deeper, searching for the truth inside your hearts once again.

M: …

E: For example: Things that you hid. Things that you forgot about. Things that weren’t visible through the rest of your strong feelings. Those are things that I’ll be shedding light on.

M: Hmm…

E: Or at least it might be.

M: …I don’t get it, but whatever. I haven’t done anything wrong, after all.

E: Is that so? It’s true that I’ve forgiven you once… but I remember feeling uneasy about it the whole time. Was it really right to forgive you? Aren’t you still hiding something? Things like that.

M: …Why… would you think stuff like that? That’s mean, Warden-san… You saw me, didn’t you? All the awful things that were done to me, that I couldn’t have escaped from without killing someone! I can’t believe you’re saying this to me, after I’ve gone through all of that… Warden-san, you’re mean.

E: Maybe I am. Your pain and suffering has certainly reached me. Or should I call it bullying? One-sided violence and mistreatment… I’m sure it was difficult to handle. It’s not unreasonable to come to the conclusion that murder is the only way for a weak person to get out of that. That’s exactly why I forgave you.

M: Yeah… If I hadn’t done that, I could have died some day.

E: But – are you actually that weak, Muu?

M: Huh?

E: That’s the source of my unease. Are you really that weak? Were you really getting picked on for being a weakling?

M: What do you mean?

E: How did it come to that in the first place? What was the cause? That’s what I don’t know. You could say it was conveniently omitted.

M: …

E: Even you yourself refuse to go there. Is it a topic that you don’t want to touch upon?

M: … Warden-san, I think you’re really doing something bad. Isn’t it a bad thing to act like there has to be something wrong with someone for them to get bullied?

E: Oh?

M: No matter the circumstances, it’s always the bullies who are in the wrong! Isn’t that obvious? Warden-san, you’re so smart, but you don’t even know things like that? Maybe you should take some lessons on morals or something.

E: …

M: Besides, even if I’ve done something wrong, there’s nothing that could justify bullying someone. Warden-san, I thought you were a nicer person.

E: So sorry that I’m not living up to your expectations.

M: If you’re reflecting on it, I’m willing to forgive you, though…

E: Could I ask the generous Muu to spoil me by letting me ask one more question, then?

M: What is it? If it’s a boring question, I don’t wanna.

E: Let’s say you’ve done nothing wrong—

M: Not “let’s say”! I have done nothing wrong!

E: Got it, got it. So, even though you’ve done nothing wrong – you got bullied. Why do you think that is?

M: I don’t know that! I mean, my family is rich, and my appearance stands out [in a good way], too… they probably did it out of envy or prejudice or something, right?

E: Right, right. And here I was with the theory that you were originally in the opposite position…

M: (slams her hands down)

E: …!

M: What are you saying…?

E: Just that it could also be speculated that you bullied someone and the tables turned on you.

M: Do you know what an awful thing you’re saying right now?

E: What are you getting this angry for? You’ve done nothing wrong, right?

M: Warden-san… I hate you.

E: This is just speculation. Don’t get so mad.

M: …

E: So what? Can you not give me an answer?

M: I haven’t bullied anyone. I’d never do such a mean thing! I’ve never hit anyone or poured water over anyone’s head. I wouldn’t do something like that! I’m not lying! I’m not telling you lies! I really haven’t done anything!

E: I see. I’ll take note of that.

M: … Um… um, by the way, Warden-san! I don’t know about this, but…

E: What?

M: You forgave me because I just gave my bullies their payback, right?

E: …Well… I guess so.

M: What was it called again… Revenge… Revenge? That means revenge can be [an acceptable motivator], right? And if you don’t forgive me this time, that’d mean that it’s not. If we leave aside the thing you said earlier about me maybe having bullied someone before – not that I actually did that, of course!

E: Sure.

M: So if I paid back what my bullies did to me, that would be revenge, right? And if you feel like I had no other choice than that, then don’t you have to forgive me?

E: … Uh… I’m not really sure what you’re trying to say…

M: You see, if you think that me bullying someone back after being bullied is the natural course of events, then wouldn’t it be bad to bully me back again in return?

E: …

M: But if you were like, “I won’t forgive you, Muu! Revenge is bad!,” then wouldn’t that imply that it’s also bad for me to bully someone back after they bullied me? Since we’ve all done something bad anyway, doesn’t that mean that I’ve not done anything wrong in the end?

E: …I think I’m kinda… starting to get your point… maybe…

M: … Warden-san, are you maybe not that intelligent, after all…?

E: Well, sorry about that.

M: Well, I guess it’s to be expected. You talk to a rabbit, after all. (giggles) Either way, you’ve understood that I haven’t done anything wrong, so it’s okay!

E: I sure have understood that talking to you isn’t getting me anywhere. But I guess since you made this explanation, I’ll take it into consideration.

M: Ah, but if you don’t forgive me, Haruka-kun will die, so I think it’d be best to not do that.

E: …!

(bell rings, machinery whirrs)

E: So you’ve heard about that nonsense too?

M: Yeah. Haruka-kun told me. So I could rest easy, according to him. That made me happy… It made me really feel our friendship!

E: You know about it and you’re not trying to stop him? Haruka, that is?

M: Why would I? Haruka-kun says he wants to do it, so there’s nothing I can do, right?

E: But you’re calling him your friend.

M: Isn’t it exactly because he’s my friend? Isn’t friendship about letting your friends do the things they want? … Are you about to tell me “that’s not what friendship is”? Then what is friendship? You’re together because it’s beneficial for everyone involved, aren’t you?

E: I don’t think Haruka is benefitting from that at all.

M: No way… It’s not like you could know what’s good for him.

E: …You sure are tough to beat.

M: I really don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Warden-san. It’s Haruka-kun’s personal freedom to decide what he wants to do, and I’m not doing anything wrong. It’s not like I’ve asked him to do it!

E: I see. That’s how it is, huh. You don’t say anything; just because you’re present, your surroundings’ wishes change to benefit you— Oh, so that’s it. Like a born queen. No, it’s like you’re influencing your surroundings not with words, but with pheromones… Just like a queen bee.

M: Pheromones…? I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I don’t like that lewd-sounding stuff…

E: That’s not the nuance I was talking about.

M: Either way, there’s people who deserve to be unforgiven more than I do, so I think you should focus your efforts on them instead. Like, Kotoko-san has done something bad, for example. Ah, but what she did was approved by you, wasn’t it?

E: …You’re making my blood boil.

M: Anyway… I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun will be safe too. Ah, actually, couldn’t you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won’t run amok, and you won’t have to think about all the difficult stuff.

E: That is… a very attractive proposal.

M: Right? (giggles)

E: Abandoning all the thinking… How nice it would be if I could just do that.

M: … If you ask me, I don’t really get why you don’t do it…

E: Because this is the role I’m playing.

M: But the role was given to you, wasn’t it? You didn’t end up doing this because you wanted to, right? It’s not a dream you’ve had for a long time or anything, right, Warden-san? So there’s no need to let it tie you down. Couldn’t you just quit?

E: What are you…

M: Warden-san, we call you “Warden” because that’s what you are, right? I was assigned to be a prisoner, but that doesn’t mean my heart will become just that of a “prisoner” too. After all, I’m still me.

E: …!

M: Warden-san, are you okay? Are you feeling sick again?

E: (heavy breathing)

M: That’s because you keep thinking too much about difficult things. Just stop. Being the Warden, that is.

E: … Just— shut up, already! Prisoner no.4, Muu! Sing your sins!

[amatchinwater]

Pairing: Steo

Warnings: threats of violence/death, mild dub-con, claiming bite, implied sexual content (if you squint really hard)

Words: 3825

Prompt: @steodiscord Steo Day vol 3 "enemies to lovers"

ao3 link

Tricking a Trickster

---

He’s not complaining. Honestly, he’s not. It’s just that Stiles didn’t really know that the fae had such a sense of humor. But again, he’s not complaining. Not anymore. The outcome is something he never thought he’d be allowed to have. Thought that he literally wasn’t allowed. If anything, Stiles is kind of grateful. In retrospect, things could have gone a lot worse. 

The events of the super moon left a lot of tension in the air. Creating an even larger rift between what’s now two packs. Scott’s and Theo’s. With Stiles stuck right in the middle. Despite everything with Lydia and even Scott, Stiles harbors the worst crush on the Alpha chimera and loves his pack members. For the sake of not hurting the banshee or his best friend, he tries his best to smother it with a pillow. Not only because of his friends but also the fact that if Stiles looks at this plainly, Theo is not very far off from Peter. 

Stiles isn’t the biggest fan of Peter. 

Nominating Theo as his self appointed enemy really just seemed like the best way to go about this. So he did. But it’s awful. And Stiles absolutely hates it. However, Stiles feels like this is the best solution for everyone. Except for maybe Josh. He’s grown quite close to the chimera ever since he came over one day to apologize for what happened on the hospital roof. In fact, the only chimera that Stiles shows openly having a problem with is the Alpha. He’s been at it for so long, the lines have started to blur and he can’t seem to tell the difference between self appointed and just pissing Theo off to the point of them being enemies being true.

Maybe he’s just trying to make himself believe it.

“Stiles,” Scott pulls him out of his mental spiral and the human yanks his thumb nail from his teeth. “You’re with Theo checking the tunnels.” 

“What?” The human squawks, jolting upright, gaze flicking to said chimera in the corner of Scott’s living room. 

Theo smirks, “what’s the matter, sweetheart? Afraid to be alone with me?” The Alpha chimera teases, crossing his arms over his chest while he leans against the wall. All too pleased with himself, licking a sharp incisor. 

“Put your fucking fangs away, Raeken,” Stiles gets to his feet, pointing at the chimera. Liam rises from the spot next to him on the couch, putting his hands on the human’s chest to stop his advancements. “Or I swear, I’ll find whatever bullshit does work on a chimera and get real fucking creative-”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Scott yells over him, claiming everyone’s attention. “I’m over this! Kira and Josh are already at Eichen trying to see if there’s something from when the Doctors broke in. Lydia and Mason are going to the station with your dad. I need everyone possible to search the preserve with me. But I’m not letting you go in those tunnels alone. So you’re taking Theo with you and that’s the end of it.” 

“Why can’t I just go with you in the preserve and someone else can go with Theo?” Stiles aruges. 

The True Alpha drops his head back with a sigh, “if anyone has a reason to mistrust Theo, it’s me.” Scott looks back at him. “He fucking killed me and yet here he is in my living room, eating with us while we work together to figure out how to stop the Dread Doctors. Lydia has long since forgiven him.”

“Not to mention I’m the whole reason they don’t have their precious Beast,” Theo adds, and Scott gestures towards the other Alpha. “You know, to prove to guys that I’m on your side.” 

“Don’t forget that he saved your life too,” Corey says from beside his Alpha. “Josh was seconds away from killing you.” 

Believe him, that isn’t something Stiles will be able to forget any time soon. Doesn’t change the reality that Theo has done a lot of fucked up shit. He hasn’t exactly forgiven Peter for everything he’s done. Why must everyone push for the human to give into Theo so much? It’s fucking annoying. Just because he has the hots for the guy- which, he’s certain no one knows about- doesn’t earn redemption. 

“You are probably the only ones that can make sense of the Dread Doctors’ research.” Scott squares his shoulders and sets the human with a glare, “Theo’s going with you.” 

“Oh my god,” Stiles pushes past Liam towards the front door. “Let’s go, Raeken,” the human doesn’t bother to stop walking, yanking the door open, “I want to be home before midnight. I will leave you.” Stiles also doesn’t wait to see if Theo’s coming with him as he storms out.

---

“Well that’s not good,” are the first words out of Theo’s mouth after descending the stairs behind the ouroboros door. 

God, Stiles thought the tunnels themselves smelled rank. The actual operating theater is even worse. He may only have human senses, but even Stiles knows what death smells like. And there’s a lot of it here. How in the hell did Theo stay down here with them? Or was he at the house as much as possible so as not to aggravate his supernatural nose? 

“What’s not good?” Stiles asks, actually wanting to know. He’s never been in here and if Theo sees something out of place, he’s actually inclined to believe the chimera. There’s something too in Theo’s tone that the human doesn’t really like. Almost like he’s worried, but not quite? Acute concern. 

The Alpha points at a giant vat with tubes sticking out of it. Large portions of its glass have shattered to the concrete ground, a bright green residue remains in the cracks near the bottom. “That used to hold a Löwenmensch. And I don’t see a body,” Theo looks around the room to be sure, “which means he’s out. You see that green shit?”

“Yeah,” Stiles draws out the word, narrowing his eyes at the chimera moving towards a side room.

“Think of that stuff like miracle-grow. Or supernatural steroids without the nasty side effects,” Theo explains without actually really explaining much. “It’s how the Dread Doctors have stayed alive this long. It’s how I brought my pack back to life. He was in there for decades. Just, soaking in it.”

“Okay, but what the fuck is a Löwenmensch?” The human asks, watching the Alpha sift through files before handing one to Stiles. It’s labeled Lowenmensch in scratchy handwriting. He starts to read through while the chimera explains out loud. 

“He was some really important, Nazi prick,” Theo rubs his jaw, “I don’t know of any others in existence other than him. I think that’s why the Doctors kept him. He’s a natural hybrid. Part werewolf, part werelion.”

Stiles can’t help the snort, “and Scott gave me shit when I suggested Liam was a werecheetah. So I’m guessing we should be worried about him on top of everything else?” 

“Absolutely,” Theo points at the file in his hands, “if their precious Hauptmann is on the loose, he’s only a step down from the damage the Beast could’ve caused. You should tell Scott,” the chimera’s face softens for a moment. 

“Yeah,” Stiles tosses the file back on the metal table with the rest to dig out his cellphone. “Yeah, okay,” he says once the device is in hand. He’s even more inclined to believe Theo after reading the file for himself. A Löwenmensch is already stronger, faster, and more durable than an Alpha werewolf on a bad day. This one has been marinating in super juice for decades. Stiles really doesn’t want to know what this guy can do on a good day. 

Theo feels it a second before Stiles does, growling and flicking his claws out. The shift in the air with a distinct clicking and hissing that only comes from the Dread Doctors. The hair on the back of the human’s neck rises. 

“Get out of here,” Theo growls at him. 

Stiles doesn’t need to be told twice, shoving his phone back in his pocket. He turns around and runs for the exit, hearing the Alpha’s echoing footsteps behind him. They make it two turns in the tunnels before Stiles nearly runs right into one of the Doctors’ chests. He stumbles back only to knock into Theo who promptly puts himself between the human and the threat. 

“Theodore,” the one on the left, the Geneticist, if Stiles remembers correctly hisses. “You’ve come home.” 

“This isn’t my fucking home,” Theo snarls, crouching slightly and the human can’t tell if he should take a step back or one closer. Would proximity or distance keep him safest?

Not like it matters with his feet frozen on the spot. 

“Such a disobedient pet,” the Surgeon says with a depth to his voice he’d have spat it were he speaking normally and not through a machine. 

Okay, no. No matter how scared he is being face to face with all three of the Dread Doctors, Stiles isn’t about to stand here and just listen to someone be talked down to by their manipulators. Their abusers. Self appointed enemy or not. No one deserves that shit and Stiles has never been good about biting his tongue. 

“He’s not your fucking pet, you manipulative, psychotic, half dead mother-”

“Enough,” the Surgeon steps forward, his sharpened cane a mere inch from Theo’s throat.

“Stiles,” the Alpha hisses, “Shut. Up.”

“I’m just saying,” Stiles mumbles under his breath. “You’re not their experiment anymore.” 

Theo half turns his head to look over his shoulder, “now is really not the time, sweetheart.” 

“You were supposed to give all of yourself to us, Theodore,” the Geneticist takes a step closer. “That was the deal. Everything you are, you owe to us. Meaning we own you until your debt is paid. Didn’t we teach you that love is meaningless? Have you forgotten that anger and power are the only things that matter?”

A pit settles itself in Stiles’ stomach and Theo backs into him until they’re flush. That’s not really helping the anxiety bubbling in his chest. If the Alpha is scared, that’s really fucking bad. Nothing seems to scare him. If only his feet would fucking move.

The Pathologist lets out something that sounds like it should’ve been a laugh. Or maybe Stiles is really good at reading between the lines of the clicking and hissing sounds from their masks. “Perhaps this will be the lesson you won’t forget.” 

There’s no chance to react. The Geneticist suddenly flickers in Theo’s face, breaking a glass jar with bright blue powder inside under his nose before the Surgeon shoots a bolt of electricity at the chimera. Knocking the Alpha off his feet with a yell, sending both him and Stiles flying down the tunnel. The human barely gets his hands up in time to prevent his head from hitting the concrete. 

“Have fun killing everyone you love,” the Pathologist drones.

And then they’re gone. As if they’d never been there to begin with. 

With a groan, Stiles gets to his feet, brushing off the dust from his flannel as he walks to where the Doctors were once standing. Finding not even the smallest of traces. Even the blue powder that exploded in Theo’s face is gone. Squatting to get a better look, there’s nothing on the floor to sample to try and get Deaton to figure out what it might be. It’s just gone. 

“Hey, Theo,” Stiles rises to his feet, “do you know what that stuff was?” No answer. “Theo-” the human faces the Alpha who’s still on all fours, clawed hands splayed on the floor, growling through his breaths. “Theo? Theo, are you okay?” Against his better judgement, he takes a step closer, red eyes snap to him. 

“There’s nothing the Doctors wouldn’t try,” Theo grunts, gritting his teeth before dropping his head. “Not even magic. They loved that shit,” he huffs through his breaths as though speaking is physically painful. “They’re going to make me kill everyone I love by whatever she just threw in my face. I already feel my anger rising and I can barely control my shift. You need to get out of here.” 

“Okay, that’s not good,” Stiles makes to grab for his phone, taking another step towards the chimera. “I’ll tell Scott to get your pack somewhere-” Theo growls so loud it might as well have been a roar. “Theo, what can I do?” 

“Run,” the Alpha rumbles darkly.

“If that spell or whatever is going to make you attack the people you love, I’ll be fine,” Sties crouches in front of the chimera, firmly believing in their moderate discontent with one another. “I’ll stay here with you and keep you from attacking anyone you actually love until it wears-”

“I love you,” Theo yells, wild rubies burning when he snaps his head up. Shock drops Stiles’ jaw seeing the truth in the chimera’s eyes and the way his claws fracture the concrete from his determination to not move. “Now RUN!” 

He isn’t even allowed to process the revelation that Theo has feelings for him too let alone loves him because Stiles runs. For his fucking life, he runs. He’s seen what the Alpha looks like when he fights. Seen him kill. It’s not a moment later that he hears a vicious roar echo through the tunnels, Theo losing his fight against the spell coursing through him. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” Stiles makes a left, hoping he’s heading towards the rail depot so he won’t have to climb out of the tunnels. That would only slow him down and he needs to get as far away from Theo as possible. It’s not like he can use mountain ash to barricade himself until this powder has run its course. If it runs its course. 

Bursting through a side door, Stiles’ feet nearly trip over railroad tracks. He fucking made it out, thank god. He’s far from in the clear though. Barely gathering his footing to not smash his face on the tracks, the human runs out of the depot and into the preserve. Maybe he’ll get lucky and run into Scott or one of the others and they can subdue Theo. 

“Run faster,” Theo snarls, too close for comfort. Though he’s grateful that there’s enough of the chimera in there to try and warn him. 

“You’re fucking part werewolf!” Stiles pants, lungs burning trying to supply him enough oxygen to keep running. His legs are straining under the pressure. If Coach could see him now. Running blindly through the woods in the middle of the night somehow keeping a supernatural creature at bay. “Scott!” Stiles yells, hoping he’s near someone, fucking anyone who can help him. The human barely processes the tree with red berries he has to dart around.

The crunching twigs under the Alpha’s feet snap closer and closer. “Keep going! That was a Rowan tree. We’re getting close to Fae territory.”

“The Fae are real?!” Stiles shrieks. They should really expand their bestiary, this is getting ridiculous. Next they’re going to tell him there’s mermaids off the coast too.

“Yes,” the chimera snarls, his fingers grazing Stiles’ back, kicking a fire under the human’s ass to push harder. “They’ll have mistletoe or a fucking circle that you can get into if you ask nicely. It’s not a free favor,” Theo snarls when he shreds Stiles’ flannel and he continues on. “But at least you’ll be alive.” 

“Why mistletoe?”

Theo growls, “it’s the only thing that can hurt me. But Fae legend says that it breaks curses. Makeshift spells should go away just fine. Just ask them for what you need. Now, Stiles,” he tears through the t-shirt, claws pricking his skin enough to sting. 

“Ow, fuck,” Stiles winces. “Okay. Shit. I don’t know how to do this. Uh,” he pants, desperately trying to push his legs to their limit. His feet are screaming at him. “Sorry for stepping in your territory, but I could use some help! Please! Uh, a circle of mistletoe would be great. I just, I need whatever will make Theo stop attacking me.” 

Bright, light purple sparkles shimmer in the distance and Stiles damn near sobs at the sight. Tapping into every last shred of strength and resiliency he has to get to the fucking circle. Just as the human gets to the outer rim, Theo crashes into him. Arms wrapping around his torso as they slam to the ground. Fuck, this was supposed to help! Stiles tries to roll around, landing on his back hard. Bucking his hips to try and get the Alpha off of him. 

Theo snarls, grabbing the human’s wrists and pinning them above his head. The chimera’s fangs clamp around his throat in a light hold, growling until Stiles falls pliant. More like stalk fucking still. Terrified that this is the end of it. This is how the Alpha kills him. He can’t even mutter a plea for his life, Stiles is that scared. But the moment he ceases his fight, Theo’s fangs recede. Replaced with his tongue gliding along his pulse and his lips peppering kisses along the salty, slick flesh. 

“Um,” Stiles squeaks, very fucking confused. Kissing is good. Kissing means he’s not being murdered. But why is Theo kissing- he moans a little- biting, why is Theo biting him? The spell broke it seems, but the chimera should be more or less his normal self. Theo should be on his feet, talking, doing something. But fucking hell does it feel good. 

The Alpha rumbles again, digging his hips until Stiles’ fall open for him to settle into. “Mine,” Theo murmurs against his neck. 

“What the fuck is going on?”

Yes, Theo admitted he loves the human. And Stiles really isn’t about to lie about his own feelings with that cat out of the bag. That doesn’t really explain what’s going on here though. 

“You said whatever would make Theo stop attacking you,” a woman’s voice echoes in his head. Stiles does his best to look around for the source, but can’t move much without aggravating the chimera on top of him. “So I charmed the mistletoe to tap into his more primal instincts. The ones that want to claim the one he loves rather than kill them. You’re welcome,” the tone oozes sass

Claim him. He’s not stupid. Stiles knows what that means. “Just because I’m cognizant to say yes, doesn’t mean he is.” Theo didn’t consent to this. There was obviously a reason he never voiced his feelings before this. 

“It wouldn’t have worked like this if he didn’t want you, he’d have simply stopped trying to kill you.”

“But-”

“I believe the words you’re looking for are ‘thank you’.” The Fae woman chuckles, “I could throw in some heat symptoms for you if that’ll make the process easier. But he won’t stop until he claims you.” As if he words brought it on, Theo bites a little harder, certainly leaving a mark and his hands grab Stiles’ waist. “You’re the only one he wants, otherwise this wouldn’t have worked. You’re also the last person he would hurt. Meaning if this would hurt you, he wouldn’t be doing it.”

“Theo,” he turns his attention back to the Alpha. Red eyes look up at him, glassy with lust. The chimera was still there underneath the powder, maybe he’s still here too. Stiles will be damned if he doesn’t at the very least try. He puts his hands on Theo’s chest, feeling the vibrations of his pleased growl beneath his fingers. “Are you in there at all? Give me some sort of sign that you’re not okay with this. I can’t force you to do this, Theo. Please, I can’t have you hate me. Please.”

“I’m here, sweetheart,” Theo growls softly, eyes fading back to blue. “But I’m not sure how much longer. Leave the circle if you don’t want this, it’ll keep me and I won’t hold it against you. But she was right,” the Alpha’s eyes bleed red again, “I want what’s mine.” 

Well, when you put it that way.

However, the Fae aren’t the only ones who know how to play tricks. Stiles’ nickname as a kid wasn’t Mischief just because he couldn’t pronounce his name. He has and always will be a prankster. All she said was that Theo needed to claim him. Not knot him. Not fuck him. Simply claim him. Biting Stiles should be more than enough to get rid of this haze Theo has. He really doesn’t want his first time with the Alpha to be in the woods with faeries watching him. No, thank you. 

“Okay,” Stiles takes a shaky breath, attempting to calm the rest of his nerves. “Bite me so we can get out of here, please. I don’t want to do this here. At all.” 

“Okay, sweetheart,” the Alpha rumbles in his chest, sounding more animal than man. The growl only gets louder when Stiles tilts his head back, exposing his throat for Theo. “Gonna claim you, then take you home,” Theo slurs, sloppily kissing his neck. 

 “Yeah,” Stiles breathes out, trembling with anticipation. The noise that comes out of him when Theo’s fangs sink into the crook of his neck is more than a little embarrassing. A loud, guttural moan broken off into a scream. His nails dig into the chimera’s shoulder as Theo snarls around his bite. “Theo,” the human whines, shivering again at the soothing nature in which the Alpha licks the wound clean. 

Strong arms wrap around Stiles, lifting him up into a bridal carry. “Mine,” Theo rumbles, nuzzling against the mark he’d left. “My Stiles. Mine,” he repeats, stepping out of the circle now that they’ve completed its demand. 

They make it a few paces before the woman’s voice stops them, “how are you out? You two didn’t mate!” 

All of the adrenaline from running for his life dissipates and Stiles lifts his groggy head, “you said he only needed to claim me. Not mate with me. Well, I’m claimed. So we’re going home.” 

“Are you sure you’re not part Fae?” She asks, amusement and maybe wonder thick in her tone. “That was very sneaky. Finding a loophole to my loophole. Not most humans can do that.” 

“He’s not most humans,” Theo says, ignoring whatever else she wanted to say, tucking Stiles back into his neck and carrying him out of the woods. 

Now being safely tucked into Theo’s arms, Stiles can’t really find a reason to be upset about tonight’s turn of events once Theo gets him home and finishes the mating process. Scott should’ve forced him to work with Theo a lot sooner. He’d have had an actual mate for much longer. That’s okay, there’s all the time in the world to make up for what they lost. 

[a-bio-hero-writer]

Can you make headcannons with Surge and Stringer with a Non-Binary S/O (separate)

Mark and Jimi coming up for table nr 8

Have a lovely read and may Stormer be forgiven

"Hey I’m actually non-binary…"

"Okay cool, but that doesn’t answer my question what you would like to eat for lunch"

Very chill actually

S/o literally got to have one of the most undertsanding heroes on their side

That doesn’t mean that s/o is free from the puns

"Hey! I got you this neat keychain."

"W-w- It’s very pretty and I like it. But Sizzle dear…"

"B)" I have no idea how to better describe the facial expression

"Why exactly is the bee crossed- oh…"

"B)"

"Non-bee…"

Will fight anyone who disrespects

Not kidding

He slapped Stormer

"It’s THEY-"

He got suspended for a bit afterwards, but ever since then everyone knows how to adress s/o

Obviously, there was a talk afterwards

A new day means a new attack

This time there was no difference

Was that surprising? Most certainly not

Unluckily enough, s/o was taken hostage

"So tell me you puny hero, how do you plan on saving your damsel in distress?"

"I’ll have you know that I’ve been taking a course with Breeze concerning languages. So technically they are a dams-iel, idiot. Also, i distracted you long enough for others to surround you. Surrender."

i was sleep deprived when i wrote this bit, but figured it’s too much of a gem to let go, bc dams-elle, so she/her and-

if you want to have a deeper dig into french language, have a read

"Uh, does that mean you don’t eat meat?"

s/o would prolly have to explain what being non-binary means

And what being vegetarian, and vegan are just as well

But he will eventually get there

100% supporty

Definitely shows s/o off a lot to others

"Hey, did you know that s/o recently-"

"Won that competition they participated in? Yeah, you’ve told us already."

"No, but did you know-“

Will correct others if the said folks happen to misgender

"Hold on a second, it’s THEY you’re talking about."

"Stormer, I swear to the ancient beings if you do NOT stop referring about s/o like that I will deck you and you won’t even be able to report it."

I don’t have anything against our precious preston, but I’m a firm believer that he has the tendency to simply forget things, even the ones that have been told him over and over again

He would become an active ally of the community due to the influence of s/o

He would end up being the protector of the community members

Depending on whether he and s/o are public, he would be knighted by the public as the protector of the non-binary

I’m prone to believing that he’s the type of the guy to buy all the stuff for s/o

All - the necessary and unnecessary

Despite being an active ally, he still is kind of anxious since he’s from the older years, so he worries that he might accidentally make an assumption considering THOSE stereotypes

So instead of getting just one thing, he also gets an alternate

"Hey s/o, do you need anything? I might head to the mall after work."

"Oh, if you could get me something to drink for tomorrow."

Yeah…

He was running late for the film the two were supposed to watch that evening, when s/o heard their comm go off

"Hey uh, could you maybe help me with groceries?"

"Wh-"

"I wasn’t sure whether you would rather have the bitter one like that tonic we tried the other day or the sweet non-sparkling ones-"

[dreamofbecoming]

ok ok ok so like

this post has been rotating in my brain for weeks and i’m finally gonna make it bc FUCK but this song gives me geraskier feels ok???

so just to start off, right off the bat

blankets off and windows open to the pouring cold / in a room so full of lies and lives of you i’ll never know

kaer morhen vibes anyone? angsty tho so post s2 for sure. those halls are full of memories of geralt’s life he never thought it was important to share with jaskier, aren’t they? brothers he never heard of, hurts he never got the chance to soothe, stories he never heard and inside jokes he never shared, because why would he? they aren’t friends, right?

but you hold me as though i’m addicted / and you hold me as though you’re alone

this just hurts my heart thinking about that hug in the jail cell. how jaskier clearly tries to be angry but can’t hold it, he gives in, because he *is* addicted, actually, no matter how geralt makes him feel. and there’s something about how the one moment of true affection, of genuine care we see from geralt, (“i missed you too.”) without any grumbling or posturing, comes when they’re totally alone, and no one can see him being vulnerable. he isn’t willing to show that same affection to jaskier where people can see, at least not that they show on camera.

gloves are off, our faults more naked than they’ve ever been

*chanting deliriously* mountain scene mountain scene mountain scene

in my foolish years i dreamt i’d make of you a better man

toss a coin, need i say more?

cos you don’t seem to know / where you’re going / and you can’t understand / where we’ve been

idk this line just gives me feelings about geralt refusing his destiny over and over and over until it’s too late for him to plan or do anything in a safe or healthy way, while everyone around him can see he’s headed right for where he swears he’ll never go, he’s just gonna get there angry and alone and unprepared

i came to you a child / and loved you like you were a man

i mean this one is obvious, but also i get so fucking emotional thinking about how geralt thinks of himself as so distinctly separate from humanity, and everyone he’s ever met sees him as a monster, and jaskier never, for even one single second, sees him as anything but a man

there were lights, and lust, and guilt, and damage / they could never understand / how i loved you again / in an instant / and i’ll leave you if i / ever can

geralt hurt him so badly, and rejected him over and over, but also i think it’s naive to assume jaskier didn’t hurt him back just because we don’t see any clear examples on screen. when you love someone for that many years, you’re going to hurt each other. you’re going to fuck up. if you’re lucky, you’ll figure out how to apologize and make up and compromise and find a way to live together, and if you’re not, the hurt keeps compounding until something breaks. jaskier keeps going back, and geralt keeps not ditching him, and i think it’s more than fair to say they both have their share of guilt and more than their share of damage. and maybe continuing that relationship isn’t a choice everyone would make, but they do, because it makes sense to them if even it doesn’t to everyone else.

but we see in that jail cell that jaskier absolutely does love him again instantly, and we can also see from his demeanor on the way to cintra that even if he’s forgiven geralt, he hasn’t forgotten. that hurt is still there. that apology didn’t make it go away, and maybe jaskier realizes that maybe he should go, even if he knows he won’t. even if he doesn’t want to.

i will love you again / i will love you until / the day i can’t

i mean the chorus definitely has “i will keep coming back even though you hurt me until you finally push too far and send me away for good” s2 vibes but also there’s big Mortal Jaskier energy here which is physically painful to me, so.

ANYWAY i recently rediscovered this song i bought in 2013 after i saw the singer perform with the seattle rock orchestra and got hit with all the Blorbo Feels, so now y’all have to suffer with me. enjoy!

[just-a-music-and-poetry-lover]

TW: eating disorder, suicidal thoughts and self-harm. This is a demonstration of writing as a coping mechanism, it's not a way to ask for help or a goodbye note.

Dear universe,

At least I’m comfortable talking to you about this.

When I tell you about not eating,

You don’t force me to do it.

When I tell you about wanting to jump

Into the water every time I cross a bridge,

You just listen.

When I tell you of dreaming about never waking up again,

You don’t run to find me a therapist.

When I tell you how I kept a shard of glass

For years just in case I ever gained the courage to slash my wrists,

You don’t tell me I’m sick,

You just listen.

When I say I wished I lived alone

So that there was no one to see if I ate or not,

You accept me that way.

Because yes, I wish to throw up everything I eat,

I wake up every morning wishing that I hadn’t,

I despise myself for not having the balls to end my life

Like I’ve wanted to do for years.

And if I can’t, I’ll wait and hang on

Until I can starve myself to death.

And yes, I know I’ll be missed (or maybe not),

But I couldn’t care less. Does anyone like me ever care about that?

If you never say “I have an eating disorder”,

If you never say “I’m suicidal”,

Are any of those things ever real?

And why would I admit that to anyone?

Why would I say it out loud?

I don’t want to be cured,

But how would I be cured if I’m not sick?

What the world doesn’t know doesn’t affect it.

So I’ll stop going to the doctor,

I’ll cut off everyone who ever cared.

They’ll be better off alone, as will I.

They’ll wonder if I ever gave any signs,

If they could have done anything to help me.

I don’t want them to feel guilty,

But maybe they will, and if they do,

They’ll shed at my funeral

The tears I didn't cry while I was here.

Maybe I’ll do them a favor and spare my face

So that they can be in denial

And tell themselves they couldn’t have seen anything.

And tell themselves I died of something else.

So that they can say that I cared (just a little).

Maybe I’ll do them a favor and name some reasons

So that they have something else to blame.

Someone, but not themselves,

If they’re lucky.

Maybe I’ll do them a favor and ask to be cremated.

No money spent on pretty flowers

Or on a pretty coffin that would go under the earth.

Dear universe,

I know you don’t pity me for my struggles,

And I’m grateful for that.

Dear universe,

If I was someone else,

I would’ve cursed your name

For what I went through.

I just say “thank you” for letting me see so early

That some people are just not meant for this.

I wasn’t, at least.

You could’ve given my place to someone else, though.

That would’ve saved everyone from the drama,

But I guess everyone makes mistakes, even you.

Don’t worry, you’re forgiven.

So now, please, forgive me for wasting your time,

Everyone’s time and resources.

Just to end up like this,

A depressed, anxious mess

That has searched for something worth living for their entire life.

And what have I found?

Everything, everyone but me.

Apparently, I’m the only thing I should be living for. Apparently.

According to my old therapist, at least.

What did she know, anyway?

Actually, everything.

That’s why I left.

I would have gone to Google if I wanted answers.

I didn’t want answers. I don’t.

I never wanted anyone to give a shit about me

Or lift a finger in my direction to help.

So why does everyone insist on doing so?

Now I’m thanking a god I don’t believe in

For the inability of another entity

To write me back.

Who knows what the universe would reply?

Maybe she’d tell me she doesn’t make mistakes.

Guess what? You do. You did.

And I blame you because I need a scapegoat.

Because I don’t want to blame my parents.

They didn’t ask to have a child like me.

Violent and lacking empathy in nature.

But then again, I didn’t ask for this, either.

If I had been given a choice,

I would have said no.

"No, thank you. Not for me."

So goodbye, universe, I’ll write again when I’m in need.

Yours, always.

[waywarddreamer133]

Revenge

How long ago was it now? 3 years? I genuinely don't remember. The days, weeks and months all blur together. An isolated room locked in neverending, looping monotony.

You've ruined me you know. It hurt back then and it still hurts now.

Maybe I was never destined for companionship, I've thought this before and I still think this now.

Maybe I was born as a sick joke by the universe, making the most deviant social mind possible, who'd still barely keep within the bounds of human acceptability.

Or maybe an experiment to see how much mental suffering a person can experience while leaving their physical body completely untouched.

I like to believe I've done well though.

Despite all that life has thrown at me, somehow I haven't commited suicide.

Though thinking about you makes me remember something.

My desire for revenge.

I want this pain to be inflicted on others, I want to see if they could handle what I had to go through. I want to see how many of them would come crawling to me after they go through that, begging for forgiveness once they realized how much their actions have hurt me.

But I will forgive them.

I want to give them mercy, so that they will live forever thinking I'm the better person. An oxymoronic statement, but the truth nonetheless.

I want people to go through the same things I've been through at their hands, but not by my own, by somebody else's and I want to help them stand up again, after I do for them what nobody's ever done for me.

Take their side.

After everything they go through, I'll still stay by their side at the end. I'll make it clear that as long as help is required, I'm available.

And they'll despise themself because they didn't extend theirs to me when I needed it most, yet I'd do it for them even after they've ruined me.

I'll make it clear how much it hurts me to help them. I'll force myself to not take anything in return. I'll keep them forever guilty, forever in my debt, forever thinking that their actions were ridiculously selfish in the face of my saintlike kindness.

Then, I want someone important to them to see it all, someone they look up to, respect, love and admire, stare them dead in the eye after they ask this person for something important.

It could be their potential crush, their bosses, their family, their friends.

Anyone.

And I want them to reject them. Harshly. I want the actions of the past to cause everyone around them to hate them like everyone hated me.

And yet still I'll take their side, I'll argue for them, that it's fine, I've forgiven them, and that it was all in the past.

And spiral the rejection. The kinder I am to someone so horrible to me, the more harshly the opinion of their peers will weigh in.

How the hell could you be so cruel to such an angel?

And then finally, I'll have my revenge. They'll hate themself for a mistake years and years past, while I'll have their friends, family and close associates on my side.

How does it feel having everyone you know turn against you for your wrongdoings, while they admire the one they believe is in the right?

How does it feel being hurt, but not being able to defend yourself because your aggressor got "hurt more"

How does it feel, being told that you're completely in the wrong and your feelings are invalid because I'm in the right?

It sucks, doesn't it? It's cruel, its awful, and its horrible.

These are the feelings I've had to live through the last 3 years of my life after you ruined it.

Hell, these are the feelings I've carried for the entire 18 years of my existence.

Always in the wrong, always alone, always shunned, always told that my emotions did not matter.

Nobody would ever take my side. And I want others to know how that feels.

I want those who stood opposite me to know what they've sentenced me to, how that feels.

I dream about this happening every night of my life, and it's the only thing that could ever truly close that gaping wound in my heart.

...

He'd agree with me, he'd help me, he'd take my side though.

Because we agreed to be wrong together. My one and only love.

[shadows-we-missed]

Every year I write notes to let go of it all. Here are the 2022 notes. Even if no one reads them. I feel better 💁🏽‍♀️ and I encourage everyone to take time to let whatever is bothering them go.

#1 Maybe I made it all up. I do have a ridiculous tendency of fabricating reality to make it seem a little bit less terrible. So let’s say I did, let’s say the whole thing was a giant manipulation. Well, props to you because that was a play of a lifetime. Somehow you managed to maneuver past every single safe guard that I put up and gain instant access to me.

What I did with you I don’t do with anyone. But you wouldn’t know that. You only ever got close enough to get what you wanted.

I think that’s the part that made me the craziest. Either you managed to master a level of manipulation so high that it felt seamless or… even worse, you meant all of it and then you just took it back.

I suppose I’ll never know what was real and what wasn’t. Actually I know I won’t know, because I’m more scared of an answer. Either answer is terrifying. I’ve already obsessed too much over this. And I know it’s me. I know I’m a lot all the time. I have every health issue in the world, I come with an abundance of trauma, and a sprinkle of sarcasm. But I’m still worth something, and I’m still a human.

And what I’m learning is that I deserve to be more than a maybe. I deserve to be more than held at arms length and used for whatever it is you needed me for in the moment. I know I’m stellar and I don’t want to wait around for anyone to figure that out.

I want to be more than just a person whose existence doesn’t bother you. So this is your letter, and I’m letting it go.

Maybe one day you’ll realize that it would’ve been worth it to actually get to know me. Or then again, maybe you won’t. I won’t know, and I’ll pretend that I wont be bothered by it until it becomes true. Until I become the ghost I was always meant to be.

#2 Where do I even start? You managed to literally drain me of every single ounce of care I had. Metaphorically and physically I was drained by you. You were so intense in the beginning, I suppose one could’ve called it love bombing. But I was all in. There were a thousand red flags, and I missed them all. First it was yes, then it was absolutely no, and then it was just kidding yes.

Maybe I was just happy to be seen but I ran with it. And it caught on fire just as fast.

I excused so so so much. You screamed at me, I let it go. You started calling me names, I let it go. You started acting compulsive and possessive, I let it go.

You made me feel insecure, and tired. But honestly I let you. You blamed everything on everyone else but the common denominator was always you.

You destroyed my car. You emptied my bank account. You took advantage of all the trust I had.

So here’s your letter. I hope you learned something from all of this. I wish I could say that I miss you, but you were slowly cutting away since day one, and I can’t say that I do. I just miss the time that I’ll never get back.

This is me. Letting it go…

#3 I’ve never written you a letter. I think I was just convinced that you didn’t need one. That I had done all the work of forgiving all of the people that protected you. But I’ve never forgiven you, because I didn’t feel like you deserved it.

As I get older I’m learning that forgiveness isn’t about what the other person deserves. It’s about what I need. And I need to let this go. It’s been years. 20 years actually.

My family never believed me. They took your side, or they hushed me along the way. Some of them literally wrote a different story into my impressionable brain. But I remember.

I remember all of it.

It came back in bits and pieces. But every single inappropriate word, touch, expression has all come back by this point. It used to be like a vision. I would smell something or hear something and it would just unlock core memories that left me crippled for years.

You, on your own, ruined every normal chance I had with men. There are things I can’t do now. There are things that I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from. There is also the pain. I’m almost positive that my chronic pain came from you.

So every time I take a step and it hurts, there’s a whisper that’s ever so quiet that says your name. Every time I’m intimate with someone and I get nervous, I hear that whisper again. I’ll admit that over the years the whispers have grown quieter and less frequent. But that doesn’t mean that they have escaped me yet.

Here’s the truth though,

I saw that you had a son a couple of years ago. And all I could think of was that I hope he was absolutely nothing like you.

Then again, perhaps you’ve been through trauma that I will never understand. Maybe when you go to sleep at night you feel remorseful for everything you’ve done. Then again maybe you don’t.

Either way, here is your letter. I forgive you for it all.

I’m definitely ready to let it go.

#4 We were inseparable. I worked 8 hrs in the morning and rushed home to take you the hospital. You thought you were fine. But I encouraged you. Your appendix needed to be taken out and I saved your life. The doctor said so.

So everything you did just hurt even worse.

When I talked to that boy, you uprooted the entire thing. And the party. Don’t get me started about the party. There was only one boy off limits. And you risked everything Including me.

You handed me drink after drink until I was almost so drunk I couldn’t remember my name. Then you convinced me to let a random boy make my drink. I was so drunk I didn’t think about it. So I took it.

I passed out. In and out and that was what you wanted. You let that man drug me so I could be your scapegoat. I haven’t gotten all the memories back yet. But I know what happened mostly.

I know how I felt in the morning. I know how I feel at every house party I go to now.

I don’t know what possessed you to get us to that point. But here’s your letter, and I forgive you. And I forgive that boy too.

[littlelovelymemes]

𝐚𝐬𝐤  𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐞 :    𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒐𝒖𝒔  𝒒𝒖𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔

‘  i’ll  find  you  again ,  wherever  we  end  up  next .  ’

‘  the  enormity  of  my  desire  disgusts  me .  ’

‘  please ,  one  more  kiss  in  the  kitchen  before  we  turn  the  lights  off .  ’

‘  i’ve  been  lost  but  i’m  here  now .  you’re  the  only  person  who  has  ever  been  able  to  find  me .  ’

‘  almost  dead  yesterday ,  maybe  dead  tomorrow ,  but  alive ,  gloriously  alive ,  today .  ’

‘  you  are  not  broken .  ’

‘  you  can  love  and  be  loved ,  despite  what  may  feel  like  the  eternally  brutal  nature  of  the  world .  ’

‘  i  did  violence  to  my  own  heart .  ’

‘  will  i  be  forgiven  for  the  sins  i  did  not  commit ,  but  created ?  ’

‘  i  would  never  kiss  anyone  who  doesn’t  burn  me  like  the  sun .  ’

‘  i  would  rather  break  the  world  than  lose  you .  ’

‘  i  think  you  and  i  have  known  each  other  in  a  few  lifetimes .  ’

‘  i  didn’t  know .  i  had  no  idea  how  greedy  my  heart  really  was .  ’

‘  is  that  why  the  idea  of  losing  you  torments  me  so  much ?  ’

‘  how  long  have  i  been  without  you ?  ’

‘  am  i  foolish  for  wanting  this ?  it  will  end  in  flames .  it  always  does .  ’

‘  sorry  about  the  blood  in  your  mouth .  i  wish  it  was  mine .  ’

‘  if  i  love  you ,  is  that  a  fact  or  a  weapon ?  ’

‘  tell  me  how  all  this ,  and  love  too ,  will  ruin  us .  ’

‘  and  you  realize  the  one  person  in  the  world  who  loves  you  isn’t  the  one  you  thought  it  would  be .  ’

‘  it  cannot  be  a  mistake  to  have  cared .  it  cannot  be  an  error  to  have  tried .  it  cannot  be  incorrect  to  have  loved .  ’

‘  finally ,  i  plead  guilty  of  adoring  you .  ’

‘  a  child  weaned  on  poison  considers  harm  a  comfort .  ’

‘  without  realizing ,  i  find  it  in  myself  that  i  cannot  stop  thinking  about  you .  ’

‘  tomorrow ,  when  i  wake  up ,  i  promise ,  i  will  be  better .  ’

‘  someone  has  to  leave  first .  this  is  a  very  old  story .  there  is  no  other  version  of  this  story .  ’

‘  when  i  imagine  myself ,  i  am  always  leaving .  i  couldn’t  draw  my  own  face  if  god  asked .  ’

‘  do  we  simply  stare  at  what’s  horrible  and  forgive  it ?  ’

‘  i  wanted  to  let  go  of  the  pain  even  though  it  was  the  last  thing  that  felt  alive  from  you .  ’

‘  have  i  endured  loneliness  with  grace ?  ’

‘  i’ll  be  your  slaughterhouse ,  your  killing  floor ,  your  morgue  and  final  resting ,  walking  around  with  this  bullet  inside  me  ‘cause  i  couldn’t  make  you  love  me  and  i  am  tired  of  pulling  your  teeth .  ’

‘  and  then  my  soul  saw  you  and  kind  of  went ,  ‘ oh ,  there  you  are .  i’ve  been  looking  for  you . ’  ’

‘  sometimes  it  feels  like  someone  else  is  wearing  my  body .  ’

‘  i  spent  my  life  arguing  how  i  mattered  until  it  didn’t  matter .  ’ 

‘  who  knew  my  haven  would  be  my  coffin ?  ’

‘  dead  is  the  safest  i’ve  ever  been .  ’

‘  i’ve  never  been  so  alive .  ’ 

‘  you  know  what  i  was  gonna  tell  you  before ,  but  didn’t  have  the  nerve ?  you  got  your  name  written  all  over  me .  i  got  my  name  written  on  you ,  too .  ’ 

‘  you  already  are  something .  you  always  were .  and  you  still  have  time  to  be .  ’

‘  you  know  me  by  heart .  it  infuriates  me  that  you  know  me  by  heart .  ’ 

‘  why  am  i  waiting  for  you ?  hungering  and  thirsting  for  you  in  every  cranny  of  my  soul  and  even  in  my  ribs ?  ’ 

‘  you  came  with  a  handful  of  pain  and  a  smile  which  broke  the  ground  under  my  feet  as  the  earthquake  does  when  two  people  meet .  ’

‘  the  only  good  thing  is  that  i’m  getting  used  to  suffering .  ’

‘  the  return  to  time  was  not  my  choice .  ’

‘  we  are  built  to  live  inside  each  other .  this  means  we  are  built  to  ruin .  ’

‘  time  does  not  bring  relief ;  you  all  have  lied .  ’

‘  time  does  not  know  how  to  keep  our  hopes  safe .  ’

‘  you  needed  me  so  much  that  you  had  to  end  me .  ’

‘  there  are  days  where  i  am  morbidly  in  love  with  you ,  and  this  is  one  of  those  days .  ’

‘  i  know  no  end  to  desiring  you .  ’

‘  i  fear  that  i  am  both  too  much  yet  not  enough .  ’

‘  yes ,  yes ,  yes ,  i  do  like  you .  i  am  afraid  to  say  the  stronger  word .  ’ 

‘  a  heart’s  a  heavy  burden .  ’

‘  life ,  as  i  see  it ,  is  all  about  farewells  rather  than  reunions .  ’

‘  heaven  is  real  and  you  only  had  two  minutes  to  prove  it  to  me .  ’

‘  it  was  already  love .  ’

‘  everyone  desires  love  but  also  finds  it  impossible  to  believe  that  they  deserve  it .  ’

‘  i’ll  love  you  until  i  forget  how  to .  ’

‘  i’ll  love  you  until  i  forget  how  to  and  then  i’ll  fall  like  my  knees  aren’t  already  bruised  from  doing  it  and  i’ll  remember  why  you’re  worth  the  ache .  ’

‘  of  course  i’ll  hurt  you .  of  course  you’ll  hurt  me .  of  course  we’ll  hurt  each  other .  but  this  is  the  very  condition  of  existence .  ’

‘  nothing  makes  me  sadder  and  nothing  makes  me  happier  than  you .  ’

‘  i  love  you  and  i  do  not  want  to  love  you ,  it  is  too  much  and  too  difficult .  ’

‘  grief  is  just  love  with  no  place  to  go .  ’

‘  i  felt  my  life  with  both  my  hands  to  see  if  it  was  there .  ’

‘  you  do  this ,  you  do .  you  take  the  things  you  love  and  you  tear  them  apart .  ’

‘  i  hope  it’s  love .  i’m  trying  really  hard  to  make  it  love .  ’

‘  if  you  touch  me  again  i  might  burn  up  in  the  cold  air .  ’

‘  i  asked  you  not  to  leave  several  times .  ’

‘  i’ve  only  adored  you  lifetimes  ago  and  here  we  are .  it’s  nice  to  see  you  again .  ’

‘  all  time  ever  does  is  pass  and  all  i  ever  do  is  remember .  ’

‘  i  feel  as  though  we  were  never  strangers ,  you  and  i ,  not  even  for  a  moment .  ’

‘  i’d  choose  you ;  in  a  hundred  different  lifetimes ,  in  a  hundred  worlds ,  in  any  version  of  reality ,  i’d  find  you  and  i’d  choose  you .  ’

‘  nothing  about  this  is  soft  but  we  pretend .  ’

‘  maybe  you  and  i  are  just  a  dream .  ’

‘  i  know  you  loved  me  too ,  you  knew  me ,  and  it  gladdens  my  heart .  ’

‘  i  promise  i  shall  never  give  up  and  that  i’ll  die  yelling  and  laughing .  ’

‘  i  don’t  do  anything  with  my  life  except  romanticize  and  decay  with  indecision .  ’

‘  the  world  was  made  so  that  we  could  find  each  other  in  it .  ’

‘  you  don’t  meet  the  people  you  love ,  you  recognize  them .  ’

‘  i  think  you  and  i  have  known  each  other  a  few  lifetimes .  ’

‘  this  body  knows  fear  like  a  front  porch  knows  welcome  --  it  is  always  coming  home .  ’

‘  i  miss  you  more  than  i  remember  you .  ’

‘  if  i  could  have  done  it  all  again ,  i  would  have  loved  you  better .  but  i  could  not  have  loved  you  more .  ’

‘  we  could  have  been  happy .  i  know  that ,  and  it  is  perhaps  the  hardest  thing  to  know .  ’

‘  you  want  a  better  story .  who  wouldn’t ?  ’

[lollypopsx]

Boyfriend!Harry Ever Since New York - Part 2

As always, please like if it’s not too shabby, re blog for anyone who you think may enjoy and follow if you want to read more! I love you all! Be safe and be kind x

Word Count: 5k 

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, mentions of blood, conversations about PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and Infertility.

A/n: Part 1 reached over 400 likes and I’m honestly In shock! Thank you to everyone!

So I did something a bit different with this. It wasn’t the kind of ending I originally thought of and it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I wanted to try and shed some light on a subject that I feel isn’t spoken about enough. I also wanted to make it slightly different to other stuff I have read and written. So I hope you all like it, and remember who you are, is always enough. x

Part 1 - Masterlist

—————————

Your jaw dropped as you pulled the door open wide, his emerald eyes full of sadness and regret, and in that moment, you wasn’t sure if you wanted to hug him or punch him.

“W-what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in Florida...”

 You felt the tears brim your eyes. You felt flutters in your heart as you realised he’d just flown 8 hours to be by your side again, he knew he was in the wrong and he knew the way he acted wasn’t acceptable to the woman he loves, and he flew back to be by your side because he wanted to make it right. But you couldn’t shake the fact that if he hadn’t of treated you like you was a no body, neither of you would need to be here.

“Y/N...baby, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t fly to Florida when I knew you had flown all the way back home. Knowing you weren’t by my side, knowing that you left because of me. I-I just couldn’t. It feels so wrong when you aren’t by my side” You could feel the sadness in his voice, his eyes red and puffy and you could see the fresh tears blurring his vision. And maybe if you were arguing in a hotel corridor in Florida, you’d of forgiven him much quicker. But he’d driven you so far away that you made an impulse decision to be 3,459 miles away. Never had you walked away and left Harry before, as your brain gave you a flashback advert of all the reasons you’d left in the first place, you couldn’t help but feel the anger bubbling up inside you again.

“You can’t just turn up and expect to say sorry and I’ll come right back! I left for a reason Harry! You spoke to me like absolute shit and treated me fucking awful! You don’t get to do that to me Harry...and it’s not like it’s the first time you’ve done it”

You could sense the lump in his throat as he swallowed back the tears “Darling I-”

You cut him off quickly. Oh boy, you weren’t done yet. ”Not only that...and probably worst of all...you accused me of cheating Harry! I’ve been loyal to you since we’ve been 15! I’ve built my whole life around yours because I love you and only you, and I spend every single day of my life by your side and I would never...ever change or jeopardise that. Why don’t you trust me?!” You shout, the blood rising to your cheeks. He’d never seen an outburst from you this bad, sure you argued and bickered...but it wasn’t that bad.

Harry’s mouth fell open to speak “I didn’t mean...” He fumbled on his words.

“Why don’t you trust me?!” You scream once again, your voice echoing in the empty hallway “Say something you fucking coward!” You groan in frustration before choking out a sob.

“Shhh, baby please just listen to me...come on let’s talk in the living room” You melted as his hand took yours and he sniffled gently, wiping the tears from his cheeks quickly before you could see.

He sits on the sofa and pulls you gently to sit beside him. His arm wraps gently around your shoulders. “Y/N...I know there’s nothing I can do or say to change or take back what I said. I should never have spoken to you like that” He takes your chin into his fingers, tilting your gaze up to meet his, you could see his warm eyes glistening. “I have no reason for how I acted...It was awful, and I vow to never ever do that again in my life. I was just so nervous...and I was confused and I don’t know why I took it out on you. I never should have and I know that’s no excuse...nor does it justify anything” He sniffles softly, his thumb grazing your cheekbone. “P-please don’t leave me...I can’t ever bare the thought of ever being away from you”

You sniffle and look away silently. That silence was deafening to Harry, he felt his heart begin to drop into his stomach. “I-I don’t know Harry” You whimper softly.

“No...no baby please. I will do anything I need to. Talk t’me...tell me what it going to help fix this...I-I’ll do all of that and more!” He pleads, his eyes begging you as his grip on you tightens.

“I-I’m so confused H...I love seeing you as Harry Styles, I love seeing you fill the hearts of thousands of people a night and millions of people a day...b-but I miss my Harry...” You felt your lips tremble as you cry quietly, the tears spilling your cheeks.

My Harry. That was all he needed to hear.

“Oh my baby...I’ll always be your Harry...I’m still me” He frowns, his hands cupping your cheeks and bringing your face closer to him. “I’d give it all up in a heartbeat if you wanted me to” 

He said that a lot, but maybe this time he really did mean it. “Harry I would never want you to do that” You sniffle, your breath stifling in your chest. “You love your job so much...and everyone loves you” You whisper, closing your eyes and pressing your forehead against his gently.

“I do...I love my job and I love my fans...but none of that means anything if you don’t love me. If you aren’t with me every step of the way” He reassures you “Please just...promise me you wont leave me...I’ll give you the world and more” He frowns, panic filling his veins.

“You are my world Harry...I-I just think I need a few days home for a while. Not travelling...just staying here.”

“Then I’m not leaving...” Harry says firmly and stubbornly.

“Harry-...” You sigh 

“No I mean it, I thought you’d been taken, or ran away from me...I thought I’d never find you and I can’t go through that again...”

“You’re half way through the American leg of the tour Harry...you can’t just not go” You whisper, gazing into his trying eyes. Part of you felt guilty for leaving and making him feel this way. No. He needs to learn what he did wasn’t ok. Hold your ground Y/N!

“Look, just give me a few days...I’ll fly back out to you, I just need space and time for myself.” You whisper.

“Let me at least stay for the doctors appointment...until I need to go back for the next show” He looks at you hopefully. “I haven’t booked one yet...I don’t know when...” You whisper.

“Y/N...I know you think I don’t care...I do. I really do and I’m not leaving. Not now...not ever” He whispers. “Are you still bleeding...a lot?”

“I-I haven’t checked this morning. You literally woke me up...”

“Why don’t you go shower and I’ll phone the doctor?” Harry whispered as he presses a kiss against your brow.

You wander to the bathroom door before stopping in your tracks. “Harry...why did you come back?” You question. 

“Darling...I’ll always come back home to you” That was the answer you needed. You never thought he’d of flown back to be with you mid tour. You expected to be harassed with phone calls, not to be sat on your sofa with Harry. And that in itself calmed some of your anger. You knew he wouldn’t have come back if he didn’t care.

“C’mere darling...” He frowns as your turn back to face him, seeing the sadness in your eyes. he opens his arm out, and you didn’t hesitate to push yourself into his chest. His arms wrapped protectively, never wanting to let you go again.

You sniffled and buried your head under his neck as he swayed gently, his lips pressing against your forehead over and over again. This was the Harry you wanted every day. This was your Harry.

“Go have a shower baby...I have some phone calls to make” He whispers. You nod and lean up, pressing a soft kiss against his lips.

—————————

As you step out the shower and throw some comfy clothes on, you realise you’d not eaten since you’d been in New York and you had no food in the house at all. You sigh as you take your phone and head into the living room. The house was cold as you’d had the heating turned off for two months and your belly was rumbling. 

Harry was on the phone to Jeff, sat at the dining table. “Ok great...Thanks Jeff. I’ll write something up and then send it to you to check first....no I get it...yeah she’s seeing a doctor today...yeah...I’ll let you know as soon as we know.”

You shuffle onto the sofa and pull up the just eat app, sighing softly. “How are you feeling darling?” Harry asks softly, his eyes gazing to you as soon as he hears you shuffling. “I’m fine. I think the warm water helps the cramps” You whisper. He frowns softly. “You want me to get you a hot water bottle? I’d offer a tea...but we have no milk” He smiles softly.

“That would be nice. I was going to order some breakfast...what do you fancy?” You yawn softly as he sits beside you and looks through the menu on your phone. He decides on an all day breakfast from a local cafe, and you order the same, with two teas.

“Ok so, firstly, and most importantly. I phoned Doctor Murphy, she’s got an appointment for you at half 1, so as soon as food arrives and we eat, we’ll head up there. Then we will go and buy a few bits of food shopping. I just got off the phone to Jeff, he spoke to Amway Centre, and they said they can move the show to the 11th...so I-I can be here until the 7th with you, and if you want to come back with me that’s ok...but you know if you wanted to stay here a little while, we can sort you a flight so maybe you could meet us in North Carolina or something...o-or if you still need time, you could fly back out to New York...I’ve told Jeff when we get to New York, I want to spend a few days there with you...just us...-”

You smile softly as you eventually cut off his rambling. “Harry...you’re waffling now” You whisper and run a hand through his hair. “Thank you...for doing that for me. Let’s just...lets just see how things go yeah?” You whisper. 

Harry had written his statement and send it over to Jeff.

‘Unfortunately, due to some personal circumstances, tomorrow’s show at Amway Centre, Florida, has been moved to October 11th, 2021. I’m so sorry to any who had plans to travel, a refund will be issued if you are unable to make the new date. I’m so sorry, thank you for understanding. I love you all. H’

Your phone dings at the update from Harry’s social media and you couldn’t help but smile sadly. You knew he hated to cancel shows. And you were so thankful they could fit it in so close, that was extremely rare. He had gently pressed a hot water bottle against your stomach and you groaned softly. “Sorry baby” He mutters and presses a soft kiss to your belly button.

“I’m sorry you cancelled the show...” You whisper.

“Don’t be sorry. it was my choice. I’m doing what I need to do...because out of every fan I have...you will always be the one here forever...I hope” He mumbles softly, his fingers running through your hair.

Half an hour later your food arrived, and the two of you sat together at the dining room table, just like how you both would every time you came back from tour. The trip to the doctors surgery felt like a lifetime, when it was only 10 minutes.

Both in a hat and sunglasses, and praying you weren’t seen. It was difficult especially seeing as hours ago you were both spotted in New York, and the press loved to make up the craziest rumours, especially now that Harry had just cancelled a show.

You took a seat in the waiting room, gazing around at the other people. An elderly couple, a mum in her early 20′s, with a four year old playing and a small newborn attached to her breast, a teenage girl sat scrolling through her phone, a slightly older woman, rubbing her baby bump and another elderly gentleman reading a newspaper. “Harry...Harry can you come here please!” You heard a whisper shout. You both frown and groan internally as Harry’s head turns back to see why he was being called, although there was no one in the waiting room looking at him. 

“Am I hearing things?...Maybe I need to book myself an appointment” Harry muttered quietly, you look around just as confused until you sigh softly, poking Harry’s ribs and pointing to the woman with two children. Her son had began to wonder round the waiting room, ignoring his mums calls for him to come back and sit down.

“Hi...I’m Harry” The young boy wandered over to the two of you, a wide, cheeky grin plastered on his face. You’d figured he’d chosen you two because you were the only ones giving eye contact. 

“Hi...”You smile sweetly as Harry chuckles “Hello there...can I trust you with a secret?” Your Harry leans down to him, as the young boys eyes widen, nodding excitedly. “My name is Harry too!” He whispers and presses his fingers to his lips, making a shh noise. 

The boys eyes widen in disbelief  “No way! But...but how do people know which Harry is which out of us two?” The young boy gasped in pure amazement. 

“That’s a good point...how about I be big Harry, and you can be little Harry?” 

The boys lips turn up and cause him to giggle “No no, I be big Harry and you can be little Harry”

“I’ll let that happen this time!” He smiles

“Because my mummy says that I’m a big boy now because I can go for a toilet all by myself and I’m a big brother too. So that’s why I should be big Harry” The cheeky eyed boy nods and smiles.

“...He has a fair point” You smile to your Harry. His mum rushes over to take the young Harry’s hand. “Harry...I told you to stay with the toys, you can’t be running around” She frowns and runs her fingers through his hair. “God I’m so sorry...I didn’t realise it would be so difficult to deal with two children in a waiting room” She chuckle nervously, frowning as she dropped the dummy from between her fingers, her new born still in her arms. “Oh Christ” She sighs and leans down.

“Oh no no, it’s fine. I got it...” You smile and pick up the dummy, making sure there was no dirt on it and luckily it hadn’t fallen on the teet. “I think someone’s found his friend for life...” You tilt your head to the two Harry’s sat playing together at the tiny play table. “I erm...he’s never really had any male interaction before” She admits sadly. “Oh...I see...I’m sorry I-”

She shakes her head and smiles “No its alright...flaming useless their dad is. Nothing I can’t already do...” She whispers.

“...she’s beautiful...really beautiful” You whisper and smile at the now sleeping darling in her arms. “Oh thanks...she’s 14 days old. Eveigh...Eveigh Rose” She smiles. 

“Y/N Y/L/N...” The nurse calls as she steps out of her office. You wasn’t sure who the lady with you was, or if she recognised the two of you at all. If she did, she was doing a real good job of hiding it. If she didn’t...yours and Harry’s hiding could be blown.

You gulp quietly and stand up. “It was really lovely to meet you...Good luck with everything” You offer a warm smile. “...You too” She returns the smiles as you wait for Harry to say goodbye to his new little friend. He was so sweet, and seeing Harry with children always made your heart flutter, you couldn’t wait to start a family of your own.

He takes your had tightly and follows you into the Doctors office.

—————————

“It’s looking like a possible case of PCOS...” The doctor explains after you answer some questions

“W-What’s that?” Harry frowns softly “Is it serious-?”

“Well...that all depends. Life threatening, no. Life changing, possibly. PCOS is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Essentially, it affects how the ovaries can work. There could potentially be cysts on your ovaries, these aren’t harmful or dangerous in the majority of cases, like I say...they could potentially affect your ovaries. Hormone Imbalance, gaining weight, hair growth, irregular periods. They are most of the signs, and things it can cause. The main one however, is difficulty to conceive, or infertility”

Your lips fall into a frown as your gaze firmly hits the floor. Having a family was something you and Harry had always spoken about, and always wanted. In a way you felt like a killer, like you’d just taken so much away from him in a split second.

“S-so what do we do to treat it...” Harry squeezes your hand tightly, pleading for answers from the Doctor.

“I’m sorry Mr Styles, there isn’t a proper way to treat it...there’s things we can try to help...but I’m afraid nothing is promised.” The woman looks at the two of you apologetically. 

“I’m going to set you up for some blood tests, and while you’re here, we can do an ultrasound if you’d like, just so we can see the state of the ovaries” She offers.

Your brain felt scrambled, Harry had begged you not to leave him this morning, but you couldn’t help feeling like now maybe he would want you to leave. You just nod slowly as she preps for the rest of the appointment “Hey...my darling girl, look at me” Harry whispers softly, using his index finger to lift your chin, his sad eyes reflecting yours “It’s going to be okay...I’m here. We’ll get through this and see what we can do” He re assures you lovingly. You couldn’t seem to speak beyond a whimper as the Doctor quickly took some blood, and when asked, you laid on the bed, rolling up your t-shirt as she applied the cold gel. 

You’d always imagined the experience of an ultrasound to be the happiest feeling. But now, you’d never felt so...degraded.

After a few minutes, the doctor finally speaks “So, we can’t yet see any evidence of cysts so-”

“So she doesn’t have Po..Poly...that thing that you just said?!” Harry asked hopefully. “Unfortunately, there doesn’t need to be cysts for it to be PCOS...But we can see here that your left ovary is slightly bigger than the right...so we’ll see how the blood tests results come back, and we’ll give you some websites to look at about this, some leaflets. Are you on contraception at the moment?” She asks as she wipes the gel for you.

“Erm yeah I’m on Rigevidon” You mutter, “We can look at possibly changing that, that has a chance of possibly improving things” 

“O-Okay...thanks” You whisper. You’d never felt so small. She handed you some leaflets and you silently left with Harry. You felt the tears skimming your eyeline as you both walked quickly to the car. 

Harry stayed silent, “Can you drop me home please...I-I don’t think I want to face a food shop” You squeak out, almost silently. Harry nodded and took your hand into his, bringing your fingers up to his mouth so he could kiss your knuckle. 

As you walked through the door , slamming it behind you in frustration as you entered the comfort of your own house, you noticed Harry flinch at the bang and he quickly turned on his heel to face you. As soon as his eyes met yours, you was hit by a wave of emotion, falling into Harry’s chest as your cries broke his heart.

“Oh darling...” He frowns and pulls you closer, his hand rubbing small circles on your back “It’s alright...we’re going to be ok” He whispers

“How can you say that?!....How can you say that when now I’m just useless! I bet you can’t wait to leave me now! I bet you wish I had cheated on you, don’t you!” You burst into a sudden fit of anger, which safe to say, startled Harry.

“Baby...I would never..”

“What if I can’t have children Harry...” You sob, heartbroken at the idea. “Hey don’t think of that yet. We have so much time...so much time my girl...and the doctor said there’s things we can try to improve it...” He frowns and holds you.

“Are you going to leave me?...”

Harry almost choked on his own breath “Y/N...Why would I ever leave you?” His voice was firm.

“If I can’t ever get pregnant...are you going to leave? Because if you are I’d rather know so I can prepare myself” You whimper, your tears flowing and Harry’s face instantly softened. “You...you are my whole world and more. Never would I ever leave you. And we don’t know if you can’t yet...and if that is the case, there are so many things we can do. Whether you can have babies or not...I will never stop loving you” 

—————————

Harry Styles and childhood lover Y/N Y/L/N, spotted back in the UK after Styles announces a show date change in the US.

Witnesses claim to have seen the couple leaving with leaflets and holding hands, could it be that Y/N is pregnant? Could this mean a stop to Harry’s career and an early finish for his 2021/2022 tour?

—————————

The rest of the day was quiet. Apart from when you had calmed down from your crying, you could hear Harry shouting down the phone to someone. God forbid whoever it was. The two of you didn’t speak much, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. You both sat in front of the TV with Harry holding you as close as possible, although you weren’t paying much attention. The thoughts in your head were screaming.

Harry’s guilt was eating him alive and he could feel every knot in his stomach tightening the more he thought about it. He should never of treated you the way he did and he felt like he’d be spending the rest of his life making it up to you, proving he deserves to be in your life.

“I’m coming back to Florida with you...” You mutter out eventually. 

Harry frowns softly “Sweetheart, you don’t have to decide anything yet, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to come back so soon if you don’t want to”

“Can I be honest with you Harry...” You sniffle

“Well, I’d prefer it...” He gives you a gentle smile.

“If I don’t come back with you, one, I’ll be sitting here wallowing in my self pity about how useless I feel, and I’ll be too nervous to go out anywhere alone because of what the press are spreading, so I’ll either die from lack of food, get fat because I’ll just order food in every day, or I’ll go loopy from not seeing or speaking to anyone. And two, I’ll be spending every day and night without you, worrying that you’re going to leave me”

His brows furrowed at the last sentence “Sweetheart I told you, I would never-”

“I know Haz...I know you would never, but it would be eating me away. And you promised you’d do whatever it takes...now I’ve calmed down about the way you treated me, I’ve realised staying here while you go, won’t be fixing anything. Please Harry...” You whisper, pleading into his eyes.

“Ok...fine. But when we get to America, I want us to see a doctor out there for a second opinion.”

You nod in agreement, it was the least you could let him do.

—————————

You and Harry had flown back out to Florida a few days later. You both really did need those couple of days to relax and smooth things out between you. Jeff knew everything and had updated those close to you two on tour. For which you were extremely grateful because you wasn’t in the right mind to explain over and over that you may not be able to ever get pregnant. 

It was still a confusing and touchy subject. As you both arrive in the hotel, It was 8am, in Florida time but still 3am to you in your UK time, you felt exhausted after the 9 hour flight. You had managed to avoid the press, by diverting their attention of the flight time.

“Are you hungry darlin’? Mitch texted me to say everyone is downstairs for breakfast.” Harry asks, bring the bags into your shared hotel room and presses a soft kiss to your lips.

“Yeah a bit, I think I might just change quickly and I’ll meet you down there.” You smile softly against his lips. “Are you sure petal?” He asks in concern and you nod. “Yeah, can you get me breakfast and a tea please” 

He nods and leaves, heading downstairs to say hello to everyone. You sigh deeply and rummage through your suitcase, you found your Nike leggings and a baggy fitting jumper of Harry’s. You put your glasses on and slipped on your comfy converse before grabbing your phone, brushing your hair quickly and heading downstairs. 

Sarah was the first to come up to you, hugging you tightly “Are you ok?” She whispers quietly and you just nod silently, a small smile on your lips. “I’m fine” You whisper, greeting the others too. They all offered you a warm hug, and a sympathetic smile, you knew they didn’t want to ask at the fear of upsetting you.

They’d all asked Harry how you were doing, especially after all the pregnancy stories coming out. You wander over to sit down and chat to everyone else. You gaze up at Mitch holding his son and you couldn’t help but smile sadly, picking at your food, only managing to eat half of it. 

“So I just wanted to check with everyone, I was thinking maybe we could do a full show run through today at the arena, just so I can remember what I’m doing.” Harry chuckles softly, his hand squeezing your knee under the table, and his hand finding yours quickly for comfort. Everyone nods in agreement as they eat. 

After a while, you all headed together to the arena and you keep your stare out the window during the car ride. You didn’t speak much, not until someone was speaking directly to you. You wasn’t being rude, you just didn’t feel overly chatty and you was still super tired.

You sat the the table placed in the front pit with Jeff, and a few other crew members for them to watch the lighting, ensure cues and cameras would pick up, and you sat doing some work on your laptop, listening to Harry’s beautiful voice as you worked.

Jeff called for a break half way through as Harry needed to go over some issues with the lighting and camera technicians. Sarah had made her way over to you, with your beautiful godson on her hip “Hey, can I grab you backstage a minute, we wanted to to check over the new merch?” You nod and close your laptop.

“Yeah sure” You smile at the gorgeous boy in her arms, as much as seeing little ones was tugging on your heart strings at the moment. He still made your heart swell “Hello darling” you smile and rub his cheek gently as he whimpers hungrily. 

“Oh babes...you can’t be hungry again! I only have 5 minutes before Uncle Haz comes back” Sarah sighs softly. “I can take him...” You offer quietly. Sarah smiles gratefully “Are you sure? You don’t have to...” 

“No I’m sure...honestly it’s ok” You smile and take him into your arms, holding him closely. “I’ll warm the bottle up in a second” She smiles. They head backstage and sit on the sofa as Sarah heats the bottle up and grabs the box of new merch samples. “Oh they’re perfect...I was worried it would be too much but these look great” You smile proudly. The love on tour logo covering the right breast, and ‘Treat People With Kindness’ down one arm of the Hoodie; a t-shirt with a collage of photos of Harry and the band on the back; a t-shirt with Harry’s tour dates on the back; and a few other styles of t-shirts and Jumpers. 

“You know...when I was 18 the doctors told me I had PCOS...” Sarah says softly, her arm wrapping round your shoulders. “Really?...But the doctor said-”

“Doctors get it wrong sometimes Y/N, don’t dwell on it too much. Besides you two haven’t really been trying yet. You’ll never know until you start trying. I know it’s tough and it’s upsetting to think about...but your time will come” She presses a kiss against your cheek and heads onto stage.

“Can the Love on Tour band return to the stage please. That’s the love on tour band to the stage. Thank you” The speaker’s words hear the room as you follow Sarah back to the arena, with a bottle in your hand as you sit back down, cradling the small boy as you feed him. Harry glances over from the stage and blows a kiss over to you “Hang on one second...” Harry speaks into the mic before jumping down from the stage and running over “Are you ok?” He whispers, pressing his lips firmly against yours. And you nod “...Yeah...I am” You whisper back. 

“Are you sure? I didn’t know if you’d want to be around a...baby” He whispers, his large finger wrapped up gently by the tiny fingers of your God son. There will never be a way to know what your future holds. But for now...this was all the family you needed.

“Our time will come Haz...” You whisper.

—————————

“Tag List: @harryhoney-bee - @sunandherflores -  @beachwood-cafe - @damnasstyles - @awesomebooklover17 @girlboss99

[punemy-spotted]

The Price You Pay

Pairing: Mob!Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Non-con/Dub-con, mentions of murder, unclear timeline, blackmail, unprotected sex, fingering (F!receiving), smut, esoteric references to past abuse, manipulation, Dark!Fic

Words: 5.2k (holy fuck?)

Summary: You need his help. He names his price.

Notes: This is for @stargazingfangirl18 and her incredible 5K Soft!Dark Challenge and I can't believe I wrote over 5k words for a oneshot, making this the longest piece I've ever written. I took a blend of prompts: Mob!AU; “When I woke up this morning, I certainly didn’t think my day would end like this;” and “That’s a big favor you’re asking for, I think you need to make it worth my while.”

And this was intended to be a oneshot but now I can't stop thinking about it so thanks Siri, I think this is now a part of my WIPs too! Your work is amazing and I had a blast being able to take part in this!

As usual, my work is 18+ ONLY, Minors DO NOT INTERACT

You went to him first.

You went to him, handed them your business card and I want to speak to Steve Rogers.

Honestly they almost threw you out with an extra hole in your head but then the man of the hour walked right in.

So now you’re here. Now you’re here, sitting across a gorgeous dining table with a ten-course meal laid out and honestly you’re surprised they didn’t tie your wrists to the arms of the chair while you watch him eat and take in the look of those baby blue eyes scanning you over.

He even brought you non-alcoholic rosé, when you said you didn’t drink.

So.

So.

You wanted to talk to me?

Yeah, I do. Thought you’d just sit me in your office, have a consultation.

I like breaking bread with new friends. Have a nice dinner, get the wine flowing — of course, that’s not gonna loosen your tongue, but we’ll forgive it.

Oh. Cool, I like being forgiven.

He laughs at that one and the room, strumming with tension, snaps into amusement. So do you, cracking a half smile on dark red lips, before swallowing down the lump of anxiety threatening to break through and destroy everything. You need this. You need this and you can’t let anything — not your nervousness, not your morals, not him — stop you. You need this and it needs to be done and if this is what justice is in this fucking city then so be it.

Well, sweetness, you’ve got my attention. You want to talk business or pleasure?

That one makes you laugh, a little sharp and a little cruel, and the curling smirk on his face gets a little furrowed because he hears it too — pain.

It could be both, you say finally, picking up the glass of rosé-that-wasn’t, if your reputation is as real as they say it is.

He lifts a bite of cheesecake into his mouth and lets it melt on his tongue while he watches you, somewhere between impressed and incensed. You know the look — you saw it the last time he met you in court, but you weren’t there as allies then. Never thought you’d come to me, he admits finally, sounding halfway bemused at the idea, but you’re full of surprises, aren’t you, Counsel?

You wince, or maybe smirk, eyes on the man before you.

It’s a game, a dance, a ruse, and the woman you thought you were thirteen months ago when you put four of Steve Rogers’s best men in jail for fifteen years — fifteen years longer than any District Attorney had ever managed to do before you, and you were just the rookie they handed a shit case to — is leagues different from the woman you are now, seated prim and proper in the lion’s den.

You’re not innocent. That’s not been your game for years — this life doesn’t leave room for innocence, it tears at you, leaves you tired and broken and ill.

Your colleagues learned to fear him a long time ago, the man before you. Captain America, leading the city, the country, the world into a new era of high tech crime all under his thumb. It’s a pretty shiny shield, the one that sits behind him, but mirrors are black on the other side and his soul is dark as coal.

You’re not an angel yourself, and this deal with the Devil isn’t for anyone but you.

I need someone taken care of.

So you come to me? I thought you were a lady of morals, Counsel.

Certain kinds of morals.

You can see him smile, see the way he raises his glass, the glimmer of malice and amusement in his eyes. So tell me. What’s the name?

You give it.

He’s not in the city, your target, but he will be. A Judge, an activist, real tough-on-crime-sweet-on-justice type of shit. You don’t tell him the reasons why, because those are yours, but you tell him the name. You tell him he’s a problem, you tell him he’s dangerous, you tell him you’ll pay to have him taken care of, you tell him you don’t want to practice in front of that black, black robe.

And he smiles like the Devil he is, watches you with a grin and drinks his whiskey in one last shot before slamming it down, Real woman of the law, aren’t you?

You said that when we met the first time.

He’s a hunter, you can see it in his eyes. That lion’s mane might be tamed right now but it won’t be for long and you’re playing with wild animals. The eyes on you are ice and daggers, daring you to do the one thing everyone in the office has been begging you not to do.

(Drop the charges, Rookie, the case is just to get your face in front of the judge.)

You upped the charges.

(Rookie, you don’t know what you’re dealing with, there’s other cases.)

You subpoenaed his phone records.

(Rookie, don’t make me drag you off this case!)

You won.

You had no witnesses and a jury you had to drag in from god-knows-where after you proved, over and over again, that he’d paid off the cohort in the courtroom. Finding people with nothing to lose and a desire to do their civic duty wasn’t harder than you thought — it was exactly as impossible as you expected.

But you did it.

That’s what you do, isn’t it? Push and push and fight, claw your fingers at the ledge and pull yourself up, you pay for your crimes in your blood, sweat and tears you pay for the things you could have done then and didn’tdo.

You pay.

And sometimes, that payment bounces back.

And when it was all said and done, when the closing statements were delivered, when the Jury came back out and the Judge — hands shaking, mouth agape, eyes wide — read out the verdict no one expected, you… didn’t feel any better, did you? There was no justice for you in that room, just the searing glare of ice-blue eyes and the burning of your steel spine.

Real woman of the law, aren’t you?

First words he said to you, while the courtroom emptied out and you stood there, facing the man you’d just made an enemy of with your briefcase in your hand and your eyes aflame.

I did my job.

Did you? Is that what you think your job is?

My job is justice, unflinching and blind, Mr. Rogers. I don’t care how much power you have or how afraid you leave this city, I’m going to do my job.

You could always let justice turn a blind eye.

Yeah. I could, but that wouldn’t make this any fun, would it? Thank you for the win, Mr. Rogers — I’m sure I won’t get many more.

You leave him with a smile on his face and the scent of your perfume in his memories.

He leaves you with the pride of victory in your bones and a reminder that your strife could be worth it.

One day.

How do you plan to fill that pit, the one you tossed the corpses of your old self into? The one you let them claw up out of, to haunt you? Remind you?

You’re digging your own grave and you know it, but you won’t let Steven Grant Rogers be the first one to toss a handful of dirt over your corpse.

But now here you are.

In his dining room, enjoying dessert and some sort of after-meal coffee. In need of him…

This might almost have been a date, if not for the topic of conversation.

So. You want a Judge taken out. What if he’s already on my payroll?

Why would you keep a dead man in your pocket?

You like the sound of his laugh, and you don’t even have the excuse of wine to fall back on when it warms your core. Don’t admit it though, don’t say it aloud, don’t let him get an in. Be smart, cross your legs tighter, keep your eyes on the prize.

You’re so close to the finish line.

That’s a big favor you’re asking for, Counsel, I think you need to make it worth my while.

Worth your while?

I’m not a charity. And since you put the guy I usually use to handle these things behind bars for a few years—

You know I can get him out too.

That’s not payment, that’s putting things right.

You take a drink. Steady on, girl.

I’m leaving the DA’s office.

That stops him.

Oh that stops him good, and he looks fascinated. Interested. You’ve said something he can use as leverage and it’s not just about a job. That smirk on his face is smug and his eyes are darker and he has to know the impact that look has.

Can’t falter, don’t falter, don’t give in.

Am I allowed to ask why?

No.

You’ve done your research. You just don’t know why you’re thinking about it now. Steven Grant Rogers, “Captain America,” leader of a crime family that had too many names to stamp out, bolstered by a mad scientist, a military man through-and-through who turned New York into his own private base against whatever stood against his way.

Get in his good graces and you’re set for life. Get in his good graces and you’re safe, you’re protected, you’re good.

Get on his bad side and you only make that mistake once.

There are no second chances in this game, and here you are, asking for one.

So what? You leave the DA’s office, you leave yourself open to me — you think leaving New York is going to be the thing that stops me, Counsel?

No.

Then what?

Breathe. Steady.

I know you gave me that win on purpose — you could have taken out my last jury cohort. This isn’t about the four men… and you know I’ll get them out. This is something else, but I’m not here to ask about what or why.

He falters just briefly, like he’s surprised you knew, but the crack in his mask smooths itself over as soon as it forms and he’s back to watching you, nodding along in silence while you breathe and watch him and keep talking.

But even then. I got four of your guys in prison. And I know how your organization works — I subpoenaed the documents, remember? Your lawyers are good, but they’re not used to people asking the right questions. You want someone to seal up the cracks you need someone who actually knows what to look for.

You have more than his attention, you have his interest, and now he’s leaning in a little. Imperceptibly, but enough. Scanning over you from across the table, like he’s thinking how you managed to get so impertinent in the face of the likes of him but that’s the thing — when the only thing you have left to lose is your life, you’ll risk everything.

So what are you offering?

Breathe. Don’t. Stammer.

Myself.

The chair scrapes and suddenly there’s the clicking of guns, aimed and ready until his hand rises up and he stops them and he’s stalking towards you.

This is the lion’s den, sweetness.

The stakes are higher and you ought to be braver and he’s got your chin in his hand before you have a chance to react, dragging you to your feet. Do you know what you’re offering me, Counsel? Low and hissed and hungry, like those perfect teeth might be sinking into your throat in the next moment.

Oh, you have no idea.

You get me. On your payroll — you know. The offer you sent me a year ago.

You think it’s still open?

If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t have met with me.

The chuckle in your face makes your cheeks warm and you’re looking more flushed than you would like, the open shoulders of your dress suddenly feeling a lot more like a mistake the more you realize just what kind of meal he might make out of you tonight.

We might need to have a discussion about your workplace duties, Counsel.

You don’t notice the hand near your thigh until it’s too late, sliding up the soft fabric of your skirt until it’s squeezing your ass, until it’s jerking you towards him, until you’re pressed against his chest and the hand on your chin is now hooked around the back of your neck, thumb pushing your jaw until you’re forced to look at him. Won’t lie, when I woke up this morning, I certainly didn’t think my day would end like this, having your pretty little body in my arms,and you can look as indignant as you want but he’s got the upper hand and you only thought you were two steps ahead of him.

You think I haven’t thought about what it’d be like to put you in your place, Counsel? You’ve got a smart mouth — I wanna know what else it can do.

He doesn’t give you a chance to use that mouth to lash at him, lips sliding over yours, swallowing that indignant yelp with a punishing kiss. Nipping at the plushness of your lower lip until you open your mouth and yield to him with a sigh of reluctant surrender, let his tongue slide past that barrier for him to explore. He’s got his fingers wound through your hair, just a little too tight and whether the whimper in your chest is because of the pain or because of the want, he doesn’t care.

Knew you’d be sweet, Counsel… softly, when he pulls back to look at you, take a look at those love-swollen lips and your ruined lipstick, the pretty way you pant at him already, the heat burning your cheeks. Pay no attention to the slick warmth between your thighs, pay no attention to the way he makes you burn already, pay no attention to how your fingers have curled into the lapel of his coat to hold yourself steady, pay no attention to how you suddenly miss the pressure of his lips.

All that smart-talk and now you’re quiet, Counsel? F’I knew it just took a kiss to get you to shut up, I would’ve done that at trial, he’s purring in your ear, soft and sweet and you should push at his chest, so uncurl your fingers girl and push.

I didn’t say I was selling my body, there’s your harshness, and there he is, laughing at you again, the grip on your hair jerking your head back until you’re looking into those dagger-cold eyes again.

You don’t make the rules here, Counsel, I do, and you need me more than I need you. So if you want to make sure your Judge can’t start wreaking havoc on your career… you might want to get used to readjusting it for me. I promise I’ll make you feel nice, if you let me…

And if I don’t?

Then I take what I want and I don’t feel bad for not holding up my end of the bargain. Your choice, Counsel, you cum willingly and I’ll give you everything you want. Don’t, and it’ll hurt you more than it hurts me.

That’s not a threat, that’s a promise, and suddenly you’re more scared than you ever thought you’d be, wondering if you’ll need to sell another part of your soul to take him down after. How much of yourself will you put up as collateral to get justice for the wrongs you were never able to correct?

You’re afraid.

Oh sweetness, you’re afraid.

Here? Now?

No, Counsel, we’re gonna do this right, aren’t we? You wanna be in bed with me, I’ll take you to bed with me. Come on, say it. Say the word.

Say no. Say no, rail and fight, stamp your heels into the expensive leather of his shoes, jam your knee into the sensitive between his legs, scream and yell and tell him you will never let another man take advantage of you again to help you reach your goals. Do it. Do the thing you swore you would do the next time a man like him — men who think they can take anything from anyone, men who think they own the world and the women in it, men who think you aren’t strong enough to fight back — propositioned you just like this.

You’re selling your soul to get rid of a man just like this.

But that’s coiling heat in your core that wasn’t there the last time, was it? That’s want. That’s the realization that you like the way this predatory smile feels, that you like the way this one wants you. You’re not her, not scared and alone and helpless. You could fight back and run and maybe escape if you were lucky.

You could choose.

He’s let go of your hair to stroke your cheek with the backs of his fingers, soft and sweet, You gonna give me an answer, Counsel, or am I gonna have to take it?

Say something. Say no. Scream. Say no say no say no say— Yes.

It’s a whisper. A desperate, soft whisper. A helpless, lonely whisper. It’s enough.

He sweeps you around until you’re pressed with your back against his unyielding chest, feeling him flex with every movement, broad arm wrapped around your shoulders from the front. All of you are dismissed, and that’s when you remember there were others in the room with you. Others who just watched you concede to becoming Captain America’s newest plaything and the burn on your cheeks is more shame than lust. You pull at his arm briefly, futilely, earning a tighter hold for your efforts and a whispered don’t make me choke you, before you are half-walked, half-dragged out of the dining room.

The walk to his room is slow and agonizing as you’re pulled along, barely struggling but barely helping at the same time, tears sliding down your cheeks as you come to terms with what’s going to happen next — no one is going to save you tonight, no one’s going to interrupt and drag you out, this is your job and this is your place and here you are.

No one speaks. There’s no sound but the steady tap of your heels and his shoes on fine marble. Even your sobs are silent, even your breathing is muffled, until the stairs are traversed and the faintest click of a lock turning opens the door to the rest of your life.

You made a deal.

Time to pay.

Sit on the bed.

You move as if in a trance, and he watches your face, the hint of waterproof mascara failing to do its job, the smudged ruby red of your lipstick. Don’t give me that look, you knew what you were signing up for when you walked into this house, Counsel.

His hands are gentler than you’d expect, when he wipes away the streaks your tears leave down your pretty cheeks, coaxing you to look up at him, We’ll set ground rules later. Tonight? I wanna see if I can get that mouth of yours to beg for me.

It won’t, you snap without thinking, knifeblade sharp and cruel, ready for a fight again. He promised you that once, in a hiss you thought you’d misheard but no, you heard him just fine and now if he thinks he can quench your fire and have you pleading just because you sold your body for the prospect of revenge then he’s wrong.

Thing is, he laughs like that’s a challenge, and the hand holding your chin so gently is wrapped around your throat before you know it, silencing your voice with just the right application of pressure. I can do this all night, Counsel. Do you think you can last that long?

Fear. Anger. Indignation. You are fury made flesh and he is manipulating you with just the barest press of his palm and sliding over you, until you’re laid out there on soft sheets and he’s looming over you, splaying that big hand out and sliding it down your throat, over your chest, feeling the ruching of the fabric under his palm. You wrapped yourself up like a present for me, didn’t you sweetness?

The change in nickname isn’t lost on you but here you are, glaring up at him while he smiles so beatifically it leaves your blood boiling and your skin steadily warming. The rise and fall of your chest is hypnotic, every angry breath a swear you don’t utter, every inhale your protests dying in your throat. What can you say, what would you say, right now? There’s nothing that can change the way he looks at you, or the way his eyes flicker from ice to blue fire the more he takes stock of the pretty little thing he’s about to start sharing his bed with.

Fuck, you’re beautiful, that one shocks you, but not as much as the sudden rush of cold air when he tears the emerald green fabric of your dress down and reveals the soft swells of your breasts, nipples peaked from the sudden cold.

You don’t get much time to gasp, just something soft and strangled before he turns your voice to whimpers, wrapping lips around that pebbled tip and laving his tongue over sensitive flesh. Where are your words now, Counsel, while he threatens the softness of your chest with the scrape of his teeth, when he slides his hands over the round curve of your thighs and parts your legs so he can press himself between them, so he can press himselfagainst you? Where is the knife-dagger of your wit to protest each soft, suckling kiss to your skin, each press of his fingers like he could just squeeze his ownership of you into the plushness of your hips, into the sweet swell of your ass? What do you say to the dirty little thrust of his hips as he bucks with his own burning need, reminding you just how much this is for hispleasure as he will make it for yours.

You would, could, should push him off and instead what are you doing? Curling your fingers into the silk-smooth of his comforter, desperate to writhe out of your own skin away from the burning pressure between your thighs, the foreign, unfamiliar heat you suddenly feel like you might be craving.

Anyone ever touch you like this before me, Counsel?Warm breath splays across your skin when he questions you, eyes fixed on yours and he waits. Answer him, answer him, tell him he’s nothing, tell him you’ve had better, lie and destroy that ego, lie lie lie lie—

Nnnh—no.

He looks like you’ve just told him the best news of his life, eyes wide and blown with lust, Oh is that right? You’re saying no one’s ever touched you this good? Or just no one’s ever touched you at all?

You don’t have to answer. The furious blush on your cheeks? The way your eyes slide away from his? The way you writhe, trying to press your thighs together to relieve the pressure and finding the effort futile? If the man’s grin could get any wider, it would, right now. Oh sweetness, we’re going to have so much fun exploring your body together…

He pulls back just enough to take a look at you, already flushed and writhing and overwhelmed and if he could take a picture of this right now he would. He’ll save that for later though. Tonight? Tonight is just the two of you, and his hands are back to your skirt, pushing the tight fabric up over your round hips and revealing the lace of your panties… just before he rips them off, to the sound of your indignant yelp Steve!

You’re going to call me Captain, sweetness, we’re not close enough to use my name just yet.

No. No you’re not, and he’s not sure you’ll ever be — he rather likes the idea of hearing you whimper out his title when he gets you desperate and wanting.

He touches, slow and steady, watching you try to jerk away and tutting at you when you do, fingers at your delicate nerves like an assault on your pleasure. Bite your lip, bite back the moans, whine at him like he’s wounded you, You’re so wet, sweetness, you’re so desperate for me aren’t you, as he palms his cock to relieve the pressure on himself. You’re going to beg before he does and he’s patient, he’ll last the night.

St-stop it, it’s too— he shushes you ahtahtaht and rests his free hand on your mound, holding you down so his probing, inspecting fingers can take stock of the velveteen plushness of your delicate cunt. It’s too much, too much and you want to scream the moment he presses one finger into you, already overwhelmed, already so tightly wound the barest touches are unraveling you steadily.

You’re such a pretty thing, all desperate and needy, sweetness. You wanna cum already, don’t you? So busy, never gave anyone the chance to fuck that stuck-up bitch right out of you, did they? It’s almost pitying, isn’t it, the way he talks, hums at you while you’re reduced to a whining, whimpering mess so soon, so desperate for the release he’s on the edge of denying you, feeling you flexing around his finger and then the second leaping jolt of your body when another joins the inspection. Taking careful stock of the pretty cunt he owns now, and he’s careful to curl his fingers just right as he seeks the spot to hammer just to get you to scream.

You don’t, not yet, but that’s okay too, because he sees the way you take desperate hold of the sheets, the way your eyes roll backwards just slightly, the way you strain against his heavy hand to arch your back. Gotta tell you, sweetness, I imagined you under me a thousand and one ways but this one, right now? Tops the list. You ready to beg for me?

Do it. Do it and end your pleasurable torment. Do it and be released from the pressure, the coiling want. Surrender to him. Let him have you.

The white hot rush of your orgasm is not unexpected to him, his curling, cruel fingers having found the sweetness of your g-spot, but — you, too busy climbing the ranks to think of your own pleasure, too busy demanding your due from an unjust world explore your own warmth beyond that of a memory of a college hookup you would rather forget — you left breathless and wanton in the heat of the explosion he draws out of you, mewling something desperate and pleading against your own will and the song of it fills his ears like it’s all he’s ever wanted. There it is, and I thought we’d be here all night. A thumb flickers over the nerves at your entrance and you practically jump, something between a yelp and a moan escaping your lips.

First one’s just a treat, sweetness. Now on, you cum when I say you do, understand?

You nod.

Oh you nod, and you are lost, here and now. Sensitive and broken and there is so little of that steel spine here, writhing in his sheets and ohyou don’t know the things you do to him.

Think you can go again, sweetness? He’s purring, smug, twisting fingers stretching you slowly, muttering under his breath about how fucking tight you are around his fingers, how good you’re going to feel for him, and the smugness on his face is slowly fading into a dark consternation, brows furrowed like he’s somehow angry at you for being plush and delicate and fuckable.

You’re almost begging him to stop, and yet the pressure is building again, the twisting, coiling heat that leaves you breathless and mewling and he looks like he might be trying to immortalize this moment forever. Say it, sweetness. Say you need me. Beg me for my cock.

That’s it.

That’s what you need to, you need to beg, you need to give in. No more fighting, no more arguing no more —

Please…

Please what, sweetness, come on now. You got a way with words. The snarl is so barely contained.

Please, Captain, please just…

What do you need, sweetness? The fingers are relentless, the buzz in your nerves is overwhelming, you can barely even hear yourself talk, much less him.

Please just fuck me, Captain, I need your cock! It’s hurried and it’s crude and it’s desperate and it’s exactly what he wants as just another wall crumbles and you fall off your pedestal right into his arms.

He’s barely able to resist the buck of his hips, the need to be inside you, the knowledge that you are soft and velvet and you could be all over his senses just like this.

When did he free his cock? You don’t know, you just know it’s practically salvation when he sinks into you, when he fills you like you’ve been desperate for and Oh sweetness…pours from his lips just as you hiss out something like praise right back at him.

You’re so full and he’s so gentle, at first, like you’re made of crystal in his arms, like the slow shifting of his hips might have you shattering underneath him if he’s not careful. Cradling you, even, sliding your legs around his narrow hips as he leans in and takes a hungry kiss from your wanting, whimpering mouth.

Love this look on you, all wrapped around me, whispered low and slow into your ear, sweetness you have no idea how good you look…

Melt into those compliments, melt into him, because the way he’s holding you is divine and you can feel him so deep in you it’s making your head spin. When did your arms end up around him? When did you start clinging to him like an anchor, start winding your fingers through his hair, start leaving the marks of your nails on his back to the sound of his own needy groaning?

He noses your cheek and leaves a mark of ownership on your neck with hungry lips, knowing you’ll bruise a beautiful flower right over your pulsebeat and continuing the steady assault on your nerves, cunt-first.

Harder. Faster. More.

And oh, sweetness, you do shatter.

You shatter all around him, you shatter into something divine and rapturous, full of him and filled with him and he cums so deep inside you as you do, still fucking you through your joined climax, hips rutting and breath hitching and nearly furious at you for the way his vision whites out too, the way he feels like he can Never get enough and so he hisses that at you like an accusation while his thoughts reorient back to reality, back to smugness, back to the control you took from him while he tried to strip you of yours.

In the end, as he pulls away from you and sinks to the side of you, watching your sweet expression as you return to the reality of your new situation, he is satisfied… thoroughly.

Oh yeah, I think we can make this a working relationship, Counsel.

[navalcriminalimagines]

Hi!! It's me AGAIN! 😝 May I request "OH, you're jealous!" with Gibbs? I love jealous Gibbs so much!! 🤭👀❤️

I love writing jealous!Gibbs!! Thank you for your request! This took an unexpected turn, I hope you'll like it! 👀❤️

Warnings: smut, dom!Gibbs, blowjob

Tags: @hotch-meeeeeuppppp

Oh, you're jealous

You met Leroy Jethro Gibbs a couple of years ago. You had just started as an FBI Agent, and you were Tobias Fornell's partner. The case with NCIS was your first interagencies encounter, and not on your life would you have thought about meeting the most amazing man.

But you did and you spent the next year hoping something would happen with him. Every time you heard about NCIS through a case, you made sure to be involved. It's only after Diane's wedding with Victor that things finally took the turn you were waiting for.

Tobias had a hard time seeing his ex-wife and mother of his daughter getting married again, especially after he learnt that she had cheated on him with that Victor. After the wedding, you invited him for drinks but he told you he already planned on getting at Gibbs's house and he told you to join.

You did, and by the end of the night, Gibbs and you were making out in his basement while Tobias had passed out upstairs on the couch.

That was a year ago and since then, your relationship with Gibbs has been amazing. Unfortunately, you don't see each other as much as you'd liked to. You're both committed to your jobs and you knew about your boyfriend's past. You don't want to pressure him into anything, it may scare him away.

There are actually good sides of not seeing each other much; when you and Gibbs manage to get together, you just enjoy one another's company and there are no fights. What would you two argue about anyway?

You can't say you and him are clearly dating, since you never used that word and actually, you never talked about what the relationship is and where it's going. Eventually, you'll have the talk, but not for now. You don't want to ruin it by asking it to be serious or planning a future.

Finally, a new joined case came in. Gibbs called Tobias and quickly, you two were driving to the NCIS headquarters.

Of course, Gibbs's team doesn't know anything about whatever is going on between you two. To be fair, Tobias was suspicious, but you - or Gibbs - never told him anything.

When you arrive in the bullpen, you can see Tony DiNozzo's face lighten up. He greets you with a huge smile, clearly avoiding Tobias. "Y/N, it's nice to see you again! This case just became very interesting," he winks at you and you chuckle. Tony has been very flirty with you for the beginning, and if you hadn't had a crush on Gibbs at the very first second, you probably would've hooked up with the Very Special Agent.

"Nice to see you too, Tony. I like working with you, guys," you smile and your eyes finally settle on your 'boyfriend', sitting at his desk, already talking with Tobias. He doesn't greet you at all, instead he just asks his team to do a sit-rep.

As you're staring at the screen and listening to McGee, you can feel Tony's body on your left and Gibbs's on your right. Gibbs's fingers are gently brushing yours and you can feel shivers running down your spin.

"You cold, Y/N?" Tony whispers in your ear. "Want my sweater?" he offers and before he knows it, a hand slaps the back of his head. "I'm just being nice, boss," he complains. Boss doesn't answer.

Tim finishes the sit-rep, and orders are given. Of course, Gibbs asks you to be with him and the two of you are on your way down to Autopsy. As soon as the elevator's doors close, Gibbs's mouth is all over you.

"Hey," he finally greets you.

"Took you long enough," you say between two kisses. He smiles against your mouth, ready to kiss you one more time but the ride is over and the doors open.

After that stop in Autopsy, Ziva tells Gibbs that the BOLO they sent gave results and they need to get going. He tells her to go with Fornell. As you need to check a few things in the FBI database, you settle at an empty desk with your laptop and get into work.

Quickly, you notice someone putting a coffee next to you, "Latte, two sugars, am I right?" Tony asks.

"Wow, no one brings me my coffee at the FBI. I'm gonna need Fornell to steal you," you smile at the Agent.

"I'd rather have you joining us. I'm sure Gibbs would be okay," he says. "Although, if I break rule 12 again, I'm a dead man,"

"Wait!" you think for a moment, "Rule 12 is--never date a coworker, right?" Tony nods. "Very presumptuous of you, Tony DiNozzo," you grin at him.

Not that you enjoy flirting with DiNozzo - even if it feels nice that a handsome man like him is hitting on you - but you can see Gibbs's pissed off face in the corner of your eye and you do enjoy that. "Well," as he's practically sitting on 'your' desk, Tony leans over you and whispers, so no one can hear, "You're pretty, I'm pretty. We can make pretty good things together, don't you think?"

You only have time to softly laugh, since Gibbs got up and headslaps DiNozzo again. "Quit flirting at work, got it, boss,"

You watch Gibbs walking to the elevator while Tony puts his hair back in place, "We'll continue this tonight, if you want to join us? We're celebrating Ziva's citizenship at a bar,"

"I'd love that,"

Gibbs comes back half an hour later with a fresh coffee. You can see on his face he’s clearly pissed but you decide not to do anything about it for now.

* * * * *

The rest of the day went smoothly. There was no big breakthrough in the case, for a moment you thought that the celebration might be canceled. But to everyone’s surprise, Gibbs and Fornell decide to call it a night. “We won’t be able to get anything done before tomorrow morning anyway,” Fornell says.

The NCIS team didn’t need much to start packing their things. As you’re putting your laptop in your bag, Abby, Jimmy and Ducky appear in the bullpen, “Celebration night!” Abby exclaims, “Gibbs, Fornell, you’re joining?”

“What are we celebrating?” Your boss asks.

“Ziva David, being officially a citizen of the United States of America!” Jimmy explains, wrapping his arm around Ziva’s shoulders.

Fornell looks over his shoulder, down to Gibbs. “You going?”

“Pass,”

Then, Fornell puts his eyes on you, “You?”

“Yup, Tony offered me to join. If anyone minds,”

“Of course not!” Abby happily grabs your arm and walks you to the elevator. You don’t have time to give one last look at Gibbs, as you’re all taking off to the bar.

Only Fornell and Gibbs remain in the bullpen. “You sure you don’t want to keep an eye on DiNozzo?” Fornell teases his best friend.

“Fornell, if you want to go, just--leave,”

“Fine, I’ll protect her myself,” he says, “Unless I get too drunk and don’t see them sneaking out to the bathroom,”

Gibbs growls before standing up, “I hate you,”

* * * * *

At the bar, you and the team got into a booth in the back. Of course, Tony made sure to be right next to you and Abby was on your other side. You all ordered your drinks and when the waiter brought them, you toasted, “To Ziva!” everyone says.

You have barely swallowed the first sip of the Champagne when you see Gibbs and Fornell entering the bar. Abby sees them too and calls their names. “I don’t know what you told him, Fornell, but I’m so glad to convince him to come,” Ziva confesses. It really means a lot to her that all of her team - her other family - is here to celebrate.

Even if he joined, Gibbs is being himself and doesn’t talk much with anyone, except some quick exchanges with Ducky. He’s sitting across the table from you, and you can see his eyes darkening as Tony whispers something in your ear that makes you giggle. He drinks his second bourbon in one swallow and goes to the counter to order another one. You excuse yourself to Tony, and join Gibbs.

“You okay?” you ask him, innocently.

“Perfect,” he mutters.

“Wanna spend the night at my place, tonight?” you whisper in his ears, gently nipping his lobe.

“Why don’t you ask DiNozzo?” he answers.

"Oh, you're jealous!" you exclaim with a chuckle, as the bartender puts the glass in front of Gibbs. His hand grips on the glass hard, his knuckles are turning white.

“Why would I be jealous? We’re not dating,”

This sends you off, you bit your bottom lip to avoid shouting in the middle of a bar. You take one deep breath to remain calm and answer, “Of course. I wonder what you’ve been doing for the past year, if not dating,”

Even with the dim light, Gibbs can see your cheeks turning red from anger. He shouldn’t have said this, because obviously, he has strong and deep feelings for you, but he hates to admit that he’s indeed...jealous. “Maybe I’ll indeed ask DiNozzo. Or maybe I’ll ask a stranger. Or--Or maybe, I’ll ask DiNozzo and a stranger,”

You’re about to leave him here when he grabs your wrist, ever so gently. You can see that his face had softened a bit. Then his hand moves from your wrist to your hand and his fingers intertwine with yours. Gibbs starts to walk away, taking you with him. He doesn’t say a word until he reaches his car. He opens the door for you, “Are we really sneaking out?” you ask.

“Just get in,” he orders, along with smack on your ass.

This gesture sends something right down to your core. You smile and get in his truck, shortly followed by him.

The parking lot is dark, the car is only facing trees and bushes. But you don’t have time to overthink what’s going on, as Gibbs’s lips crash on yours. He immediately asks for access with his tongue, which you happily grant him. One of his hands gets under your top, feeling your skin under his fingers. It keeps getting higher, until he cups one of your breasts and squeezes. You moan in his mouth, and your nails scratch on his scalp. He growls at the feeling, and quickly grabs your hips to make you sit on his lap. “You seriously want to do this in the car?” you ask, but it seems obvious as you can feel him getting hard.

“I want you to make yourself forgiven,”

His blue eyes are dark with lust. You know exactly what that means. You haven’t experienced the dominant side of Gibbs yet and god, is it turning you on. You can feel yourself getting soaking wet in your panties. You approach your lips to his to kiss him again but he only lets them brush. “Your mouth should be busy somewhere else,” he says.

“Yes, sir,” you agree and work on his belt.

You don’t know if he’s ever done something like this before, but his painful erection lets you know how turned on he is. You give him a few strokes, feeling some precum on your hand. He groans under your touch and then, you bend your head over to lick the head of his cock, tasting him. “Fuck!” he mutters. You play with the head for a moment before taking him inside your mouth.

As you blow him, Gibbs has one arm stretching over the seat and his other hand is settled in the back of your neck, guiding you. You can feel him grabbing your hair into his fist from time to time. “You’re so good at this, sweetheart,” he praises you and you hum in response, with his cock still inside your mouth. It sends shivers down his spine, and he bucks his hips, making his length go as deep as possible inside your throat. When he hits the back of your throat, Gibbs lets out such a huge moan, people in the bar may have heard him.

“Who does this mouth belong to?”

You relish him briefly, “You.” you answer.

“Good girl,” he growls. “Now, make me cum in that pretty mouth of yours,”

You go back to your oral ministrations and quickly, Gibbs is coming inside your mouth, shooting his load inside your throat, as your name leaves his lips in the most erotic sound you’ve ever heard. You couldn’t be any more turned on at this very moment. As he’s catching his breath, you make a big show of swallowing every drop of him.

Finally, he grabs the back of your neck a bit roughly to make you kiss him. He can taste himself on you and from the sound you’re making, he understands that you love that side of him. “I’m not done with you,” he says, brushing his lips against yours. “We’re going back inside, like nothing happened, but if you keep flirting with DiNozzo, or anyone else, I’ll deny you for such a long moment, you’ll beg me to shot you,”

You may be crazy, but this makes you want to piss him off a little more.

[definitelyseven]

hurts so good | twelve (final)

summary: growing up with Park Jinyoung was never easy and things are about to get worse when you’ve been asked to marry him

one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten | eleven | twelve - final |

You sat down quietly across from him and next to your attorney. It had been three weeks since you last saw Jinyoung, three weeks since he agreed to the divorce. You only heard from him when he asked to meet to sign the papers.

“Thank you Mrs. Park for coming to meet us. My client said the both of you mutually agreed to sign today’s papers. Is that correct?” 

“Yes that’s correct,” you responded as Jinyoung’s lawyer slid over some papers. Your lawyer intercepts the papers and begins scanning the document. 

“My client is generously offering $20,000 a month for the next 40 years or a one time check of $10 million,” he revealed. You stared at Jinyoung in shock.

“No,” you denied. “No, I don’t want your money.”

“Mrs. Park, I urge you to reconsider this. It’s his responsibility to take care of you,” your lawyer reminded you.

“It’s Y/N and I can take care of myself,” you argued.

“How?” Jinyoung finally said. “You have no job, no house. Your father still gambles,” he exposed. 

“That is none of your concern. I will figure it out. I will find a job. I don’t want your money. I don’t want to owe you anything,” you continued to explain.

“Just take the fucking money, Y/N! Don’t be so stubborn,” he exclaimed. You glared at him. “I’m sorry,” he sighed, knowing he’s going to lose this battle against you.

“Moving on to the next thing-,” his lawyer began to speak before you interrupted him.

“I don’t want a single thing from him. I’m not interested in what else is on that list.” 

His lawyer looked over a Jinyoung, who had his arms crossed against his chest. He sighed again, nodding in agreement. He leans over to the table, “I want to talk to you alone.”

“No. My client will not be speaking with anyone without me present,” your lawyer declined.

“Don’t worry, we won’t be negotiating anything. My lawyer will leave to fix these papers, won’t you?” he instructed.

“Yes, that’s right. Mr. Lee, please follow me.”

“It’s alright. I’ll be okay,” you assured your lawyer. He nods leaving you alone with Jinyoung as he helps prepare the divorce papers. He stares at you in silence as you avoid his gaze. 

“You wanted to talk?” you asked him.

He sighed lightly before leaning forwards once again. “This may be the last time we ever speak to each other like this - face to face.”

You gave him a subtle smile, nodding in agreement. “I will always be thankful for you and your family. You saved us and that will never change, no matter what happens between us.”

“I appreciate that,” he said. “Father loved you, no matter how harsh he was.”

You smiled weakly, “He loved you too.”

There was another long silence between the both of you. Now that you think of it, you and Jinyoung never had a peaceful conversation before. If he wasn’t being mean to you, he was yelling at you. 

“I know Jisoo came to see you. I know she told you some stuff,” he said softly. “I should’ve been the one who told you and I’m sorry I never did. I’m sorry I never showed you.”

You held your breath. Never in a million years did you expect him to apologize.

“I hope the next person you love, you’ll be better to her than you were to me.”

His eyes began to swell, slightly turning pinkish. “She told me you thought I always loved her.” You looked down at your lap because you knew it was true even if they denied it. “Do you still believe that?”

“Look at where we’re at, Jinyoung. It doesn’t matter what I believe.” 

“It does! It does matter. I may have never showed or told you that I loved you but I never loved anyone else. Not once,” he confessed. 

“Every time we fought, you always ran to her. You always picked her, sided with her and I was the one in the way. What else was I supposed to think?” you questioned. 

Jinyoung sighed. “February 14, 2013.”

“W-what?,” you stuttered with tears in your eyes.

“It was our senior year of high school.” 

You remembered now. You had finally mustered enough courage to confess to Jinyoung. You hand-made heart shaped chocolates for him but he rejected you brutally even front of all your classmates.

“The night before - Jaebum stayed up all night making you chocolates. I overheard him confessing to the housekeeper that he was going to ask you to be his girlfriend. What gave him the right?” he asked, rhetorically.

“He never told me about this. I never received his chocolates,” you said, confused. 

“I was so angry at him. He took my father away from me and now he wanted you! He wanted to take everything...everyone away from me!” he shouted. “I knew I couldn’t let him have you so I had to beat him to it. I had to tell you I liked you before he did.”

“Then why did you reject me?” you asked. 

“I had this elaborate plan - to make you fall in love with me, to be together until Jaebum couldn’t handle it anymore and leave. But the moment I looked into your eyes that day, I didn’t have the guts to do it. I couldn’t confess to liking you out of spite,” he revealed. “But what I didn’t expect was for you to confess first.”

“You broke my heart then too.”

“I didn’t know if I liked you because I actually liked you or if I liked you to get back at Jaebum. You would’ve never forgiven me if you found out I confessed out of spite,” he said almost in tears. “I tried so hard to differentiate the two but I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. I didn’t know what to do and it drove me nuts. A couple of days later, it finally came to me. I thought if I was meaner to you, maybe...just maybe I would stop having those feelings for you. Maybe I could finally stop thinking about you.”

You stared at him quietly, taking in every word he said. Tears rolled down your face as the droplets of tears landed on the table. 

“It worked,” he chuckled, bitterly. “The meaner I was to you, the easier it was to forget you. And every time I did something nice for you, I had to do something ten times worse the next time. Seeing how much pain you were in...it broke me but it always reminded me that my intentions were never pure to begin with. That’s why I always went to Jisoo. I confided in her.”

“Why did you ask me to marry you then?”

“He had already beat me at marriage - marrying the girl Father chose. Nothing would hurt him more than knowing I had you and he could never. I admit I ended up using you,” he revealed as tears fall from the corner of his eyes. You lifted your head up, staring at the ceiling as tears continued to fall down the side of your cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” he apologized. 

“H-how can you say you love me when you used me?!” you sobbed. 

“I knew it was wrong! I regretted it instantly but it was too late. You needed the money...” he whimpered. “If I could go back and change it I would. I would’ve loved you properly, cherished you..” he begged. 

“God!” you whimpered to yourself. “Why did you do this to me?! I was happy! I had a boyfriend!” you cried, angrily.

“I know. I know. I’m so sorry,” he continued to apologize.

“I’m not some fucking reward you can claim when you feel like it! I loved you! I thought if I worked harder, tried harder, that you would start to love me! I was praying you’d change for me!” you continued to shout. “Are you that damaged that you had to break someone else to make yourself feel better?”

“I was 16! I never felt the way I felt for you with anyone in my life! How was I supposed to react? Tell me! What was I supposed to do?!” he shouted back.

You sobbed into your hand.

“I know this doesn’t justify all the shitty things I’ve done to you. You endured things no one should have to experience,” he explained.

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“Y/N, I’m telling you not because I want you to forgive me! I’m going to sign the papers regardless. All I wanted was to be honest about my feelings for once in my goddamn life,” he said. 

You blinked slowly, letting the remaining tears in your eyes fall. You took a deep breath in. “When were you able to tell?”

“Our wedding night,” he answered. “Watching you walk down the aisle in that white dress. You took my breath away and in that moment I knew. I knew I loved you this whole time. It was never about competing with Jaebum. I was just afraid to let myself fall in love.”

“If you loved me so much, why did you sleep with other women? Why did you cheat?”

“Because with them, I never had to worry about falling in love. They mean nothing to me,” he explained.

“But they don’t know that! They think you like them that’s why they sleep with you, Jinyoung.”

“They know I’m married.”

“To someone you don’t love. They think they can Mrs. Park one day,” you sighed. “Stop playing with people’s feelings. Don’t hurt anyone else,” you asked, nicely. You paused, “If there’s one last thing you can do for me is learn to let go. What your Father did to your Mother was unfair and cruel but you don’t have to repeat the pattern. Learn to love the people you’re supposed to love. You’ll find that you have more people on your side than you know.”

“Will you be?”

“Oh Jinyoung…” you called out as you reached for his hand. You gripped it tightly. “I will always be on your side even if I’m not physically there with you.”

There was a light knock on the door. You let go of Jinyoung’s hand and wiped the leftover tears on your cheeks away.

“Come in,” he called.

“The papers are finalized. All that’s left is your signature.” The lawyers handed you each a pen. You scanned through the document until you reached the bottom of the page.

“I know you don’t want money but it will always be here if you need it. You just call me, okay?” Jinyoung asked, softly. You nodded but you knew you would never be calling him.

You uncapped the pen and began signing with Jinyoung following suite until you reached the final page. 

This was it. No more Jinyoung.

“If we can do this over again, would you?” Jinyoung asked, spontaneously. “If you knew what you know now, would you still have said yes to me?”

You looked up from the papers and stared at him - taking in all his features one the last time. “Yes.” You scribbled your signature on the last page before standing up. “Goodbye Jinyoung. Take care.”

Four months. Four months of no pain, no tears, no Jinyoung. You moved away from the city to get away from the fast pace lifestyle, the busy streets and the people. You were content here. You spent your days helping an old couple sell fruit and pies in a small shop by a rest stop. The pay wasn’t nearly as much as a corporation but it didn’t matter to you. You could finally be yourself. You didn’t have to worry about being the perfect wife or worry if your husband loved you enough to come home that night. All that seemed trivial here. 

“How much are the apple pies?” you hear someone asked. You scurried out to the front to greet the customer. 

“They’re $5-” you began to respond before coming to a stop as you laid eyes on the man in front of you. “I- how did you know I was here?”

“I didn’t,” he responded. “I was taking your advice and finally letting go. I gave up my position at the company and decided to move here to live a more simple life.”

“Why here?”

“I-I don’t know...this was the first place I thought of,” he mumbled. “I guess I remembered you saying how much you wanted to move here when it was time to retire.”

“You remembered that?”

“Of course I do. I remember everything you told me even if it seemed like I wasn’t listening,” he explained. “So how much are the pies?”

“$5 each,” you said hesitantly as you handed him a pie.

“I honestly didn’t come here to purposely look for you. I know the last thing you wanted was to see me. I can leave if it bothers you,” he offered.

“No...who am I to not allow you to be here.”

“Okay then. I’ll see you around then,” he smiled before waving goodbye.

You returned the smile and watched him drive away. You thought you would be angry seeing him; maybe even feel hurt. But nothing. You didn’t feel any of those things. In fact, your heart raced at the sight of him. 

Maybe this was fate. Maybe it was God’s way of telling you this is your second chance. 

Whatever it was, no matter how it ends this time, you knew it wasn’t going to hurt as much as the first. 

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part Five. "You guys gossip about boys without me?"

warnings: swearing, mentions of emotional abusive/manipulation word count: 3.2k (not including pictures)

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Y/n dropped her phone on the bed and slowly rolled off and onto the ground with a soft THUD. She grunted, falling harder than she expected but the dull pain now present in her right shoulder felt deserved somehow. Why did she think she deserved it? Maybe because she was an unconfrontational worm even when the person needed to be confronted because he hurt her more than anyone ever had.

She closed her eyes and wiggled to get comfortable on the thin carpet in her room. Laying on the ground was relaxing to her, forcing her gamer back to straighten to how it was intended. It helped her think, being on the floor. She didn't know why but she didn't question it. Just laid on the floor in acceptance with the dirt and forgotten candy wrappers.

Why didn't she want to respond to Peter? Well, years of being with him and even the months of not being with him had taught her that her ex liked to get his way and liked to take his anger out in her verbally when he didn't.

You could say she's heard some terrible things over very simple inconveniences.

Y/n slowly pattered to her desk and slid on her headphones, finding the discord server Dream said he and George were on. It was a server that a lot of their friends were in, one that Y/n hardly went in since she still hadn't met a lot of them and wasn't super comfortable with talking in it yet.

She scrolled through the various text chats, one for boredom, one for stream questions, one for memes, one for pictures of pets, one for.... discussing the inevitable takeover of rats...? Y/n wasn't sure what that was about but she knew she didn't want to find out. The list went on. She was pretty sure they had made a channel for every possible message someone could ever send.

There were equally as many voice channels, most of them titled with the names of different games for when they only played with each other and didn't stream. Some of them were just random names and she noticed there was one to match the rat takeover text channel. Okay, who was responsible for that?

After what felt like an entire scavenger hunt and with many new questions in her mind, Y/n finally found the voice channel Dream and George were in and clicked on it. It was called memerz-only.

"I'm not a memer, am I allowed in here?" she asked. She hadn't realized how messed up her voice was since she hadn't talked all day.

"Holy shit, Bug, you sound awful."

She scoffed a laugh. "Thanks, Dream. Really means a lot." She did sound pretty scuffed. Her voice was a little scratchy from not talking literally all day.

"You doing okay, Bugsy?" George asked kindly, to which she hummed.

“I just have one quick question...”

“Mhm?”

“This is simple, please don’t elaborate further. There’s a channel on this server... did you guys mean rat as in BadBoyHalo’s dog or rats as in rats?”

Neither of them spoke for a minute before George understood what she was referring to. “Oh! Rats as in rats.”

“Okay, thank you.” 

“Yeah, Quackity—“

“No!” she interupted. “No! I said I don’t wanna know. I really don’t. I’m too afraid to understand.”

“Wha- HA, okay.”

“Good choice, Bugsy. I wish I didn’t know what it’s about. It’s a lot weirder than you’d think.”

“Now that that’s settled,” Dream said with a laugh. “How are you doing, Bug?”

"Neither of you are streaming, right?" she asked, doubling checking the twitch app on her phone to be sure.

"No."

"So I don't have to pretend to be happy and bubbly?"

"No, you can be as mundane as you'd like," Dream said. "We don't mind."

"Yeah, honestly, most of the time when Dream and I are on calls alone it's just us being super boring and hardly talking."

"That's..." she paused to find the right words and decided with, "actually really cute. You guys just enjoy each other's presence."

George scoffed and Dream giggled. "See, even Bug says we're cute, Georgie! Why can you tell me you love me?"

"I'll leave right now if you don't stop," George threatened. "Can we go back to how Bugsy's miserable?"

"I'm not miserable, I just..." she hesitated. She had already told George about why she was having a bad day, but Dream?

She didn't want to tell Karl because she knew he would yell at her. She didn't want to tell Sapnap because she didn't trust him not to tell everyone (on accident, of course). For some reason, it was a different kind of hesitation than with the others that made her not want to tell Dream. She didn't want to tell him because she didn't want to be... embarrassed? Maybe that was it. She thought it would be embarrassing to tell Dream about how her ex-boyfriend treated her like shit and how now he wants to get back together with her. Plus, she knew how everyone else individually would react but Dream was a complete mystery. Maybe he'd yell at her too and say she's stupid for being affected by an ex. Maybe he'd break down crying for some reason? Who knows?

"You don't have to tell us," Dream stated. "Seriously."

"It's embarrassing," she said, tucking her feet beneath her on her seat. As she said the words, she decided they felt right. She was embarrassed. "But George already knows."

Above everyone else, Y/n was okay with telling George about her situation because he and her tended to talk about their troublesome relationships quite often. He always came to her for advice and she to him. They were very similar in their ways of thinking and seemed to have lots of similar dating stories, even if neither of them knew what the hell they were doing. She knew he'd never judge her for thinking unclearly since he tended to do the same.

George hummed, not knowing what to say since she hadn't said much. She could tell he didn't wanna say something that might make Dream more nosey and start hounding her about telling him.

"What hap—never mind. Not my business," Dream said quickly.

"No, I mean, I kinda wanted to talk to George about it again anyway so I guess you can join in on the gossip." Guess my mouth decided for me on this one, she thought.

"Wait, what? You guys gossip about boys without me?"

"Oh my gosh, don't say it like that, Dream," George groaned. "Bugsy and I talk about relationship problems a lot, yes. Not just boys."

"How did I not know this?"

"Because you don't know a lot of things?"

"It's normally George sending screenshots of text conversations with girls and asking me how to let them down gently," Y/n explained with a giggle.

"Or Y/n talking about her asshole ex."

"George! What do you and Karl not get about not calling him names?"

"I'm so lost," Dream mumbled.

Y/n sighed. "Okay, well," she cut herself off with a groan. "It's so embarrassing. Basically, my ex asked me to 'chat' this morning which is code for he wants to get back together—"

"Do you know that for sure?" Dream asked.

"Yeah, we already decided that," George snapped. "Let her finish."

"Sorry."

"So he wants to get back together and I feel stupid for wanting to listen to what he has to say."

"How is that embarrassing?"

"Because he hurt me and I feel like an idiot because him even suggesting that means he doesn't realize how badly he hurt me. It makes me feel like, I don't know, like all the time I spent being upset was for nothing," Y/n explained in a soft voice. "And because his simple, like, five word text made me freak out all day to the point of exhaustion."

"I don't think you should be embarrassed, Bugsy," George offered.

"Have either of you, uh, have you ever considered dating an ex?"

"Didn't you just say he hurt you badly?" Dream asked. "You aren't thinking of getting back with him, are you?"

"No... but I want to stay friends so maybe I should hear him out?"

"Well, I've never gotten back with an ex," he said bluntly. "But to be fair, all my relationships have ended badly or for bad reasons so I've never wanted to see any of them again. Staying friends depends on why you and he broke up, I guess, but..."

"Um, how do I put this..." she trailed off. "He was mean to me."

"Then no? Simple."

"But I've forgiven him and I think he's changed."

"People don't change that easily. Didn't you break up like, a few months ago?" George asked.

"Yeah, but—"

"Honestly I think if a guy was ever mean to you he doesn't deserve any more of your attention," Dream decided. "So, no. Don't even be his friend. Don't listen to a single thing he has to say."

"That's what I told her," George agreed.

"If that were the case, you guys shouldn't be friends," she argued. "You're mean to each other all the time."

"But we know it's a joke," George defended.

"So you're saying if someone is ever purposefully mean to you just once, you drop them forever?"

"Well, no," Dream said. "Not exactly. But it sounds like he was super mean to you since it's why you broke up."

She took a deep breath. She didn't want to go into detail. She was already uncomfortable enough talking about her personal life so much, but she trusted both of them and needed to get it off her chest and they were there and willing to listen. They had already established wanting to listen to her if she wanted to speak and right now, she wanted to speak. Maybe not the full story, but at least some. "He, um, well, the mean things he said, he said because he was trying to get me to see what he thought was the truth about myself."

Both of them were silent for a few moments. "I'm still confused," George admitted.

"Me too... But you don't have to tell us." Dream explained again. She thought it was sweet that they kept reassuring her that.

"I know, but I want to. If it's not too much for you guys..."

"No, go ahead, if you want."

"Uh, he lowkey emotionally manipulated me by telling me I wasn't good enough for anyone and stuff and how he was the only one who could ever love me. The second part he said truly believing that he was being romantic. There are a lot worse and specific things engraved in my brain but that's the gist of what he would tell me. He made me believe that I could never leave him because I could never be loved by anyone else. But he said it all in a way that... he thought he was just... letting me in on something no one else had the guts to tell me."

George gasped. "What?! Bugsy, I'm so sorry, I didn't know it was like that."

"Woah, what the hell? No. Absolutely not. Don't give this guy a second thought. Cut him off for good," Dream said sternly, angry that anyone would say that to anyone, especially to someone like Y/n. "Wait, so, you broke up with him?"

"Yeah. After Karl yelled at me a lot and explained his outside point of view, I finally realized Peter was gaslighting me and emotionally abusing me and stuff so I dumped him. I guess right now I'm just upset by it because I thought we were past this and I was healing and him reaching out affected me again. I'm just emotionally exhausted. Like I said, it hurts to know that he doesn't realize what he did to me."

"I'm really sorry, Bug," Dream said softly. "Gimme his address and I'll punch him for you."

She laughed through her nose. "That's okay. Thanks."

"Yeah, she can go set his house on fire if she wants. She's proven that already."

"Shut up, George," she said with a small laugh.

"Wh......at?" Dream stuttered and George briefly explained.

"Well, Bug, just so you know, in case you weren't aware, you're really cool and sweet and funny and we really like having you around–" Dream started.

"Oh, ugh, no don't do this," she tried to joke but he ignored her as he continued his speech.

"–and you're way too good to be hanging out with either of us, and whatever that asshole was showing you wasn't love. 'No one could love you like he did' because what he was doing was not love, it was abuse." Dream's voice had a certain gentleness to it as he spoke that comforted Y/n and made her believe him. He was blunt but it didn't stab her in the heart like it should have.

If Y/n ever cried, she might have just then from how sweet they were both being. But she didn't because that wasn't something she did. She never cried over anything Peter said, never cried during movies, and didn't cry then. But she did smile very fondly at the Discord screen in front of her.

"Thank you, Dream."

"You know I'm not good with words, but, yeah, what Dream said," George said. "I'm sorry you had to go through that thinking it was normal. Please, please, do not get back together with him and please don't be friends with him."

"He's fine as a friend though."

"Bug. Whether he's fine as a friend doesn't matter, he doesn't deserve to have you as a friend. He treated you like shit, it's okay to be a little cold to him."

She sighed. They were right. "Okay." There was a long pause before, "thanks, guys. Sorry for coming in here and dumping my problems on you—"

"Don't be sorry," George said. "We're the ones that asked you to come in and share. We knew what we signed up for and don't regret it."

"Seriously, Bug, we care about you. You're allowed to, you know, talk about yourself." How did he know that's what she meant by that sentence? The way he could read her mind was heart-warming.

"Also, George knows this but Dream, there's a strict no-telling policy about this kinda thing. Please don't tell anyone."

"I wouldn't even think of it," he promised. "My lips are sealed."

"Good."

A soft animal noise came from one of their mics and Y/n strained her ears to listen. "Was that a cat?"

"Patches has entered the chat," George joked.

Dream chuckled. "Yeah, my cat just jumped on my lap."

"Aw, you have a cat? Lemme see lemme see lemme see!" Y/n begged. "Partly because I would love if we could stop talking about my ex-boyfriend and the other part because I love cats."

"There's pictures of her in the pets channel on Discord—"

"No, no I want a picture of her on your lap. Is she all snuggled up?"

"Yeah, she is."

"PleASE, Dream. I need to see the snuggly cat."

"Fine, fine, if you insist. Give me a second."

A few moments later, she got a DM from Dream and smiled at the picture. His room was dark but the computer screen cast a cold glow over a ball of fur on a lap clad in sweatpants. "Awww, she's so cute."

"Dream, I wanna see it too," George whined. "Send it to the pets channel."

"I'm literally making this my lock screen," Y/n informed, making Dream laugh.

"No, George, it's only for Bug. She's had a bad day so she gets exclusive Patches content."

"What? That is so messed up."

"You know what's messed up, George?" Dream asked. "You never come to me with advice on how to reject girls. We're on the phone for 12 hours a day but you can't talk to me about girls? Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"You'll just make fun of me."

"Why would I? What makes you think that?"

"Because Sapnap and I make fun of you? So obviously you and him would make fun of me?" George said with a laugh.

"....that's fair."

Y/n locked her phone and clicked the home button to admire her new lock screen. "I love her," she whispered.

Dream and George both laughed. "I'm regretting sending you that. You're gonna, like, make a shrine or something."

"What would be wrong with that? She's precious. She deserves a shrine."

"Yeah, Dream, you're the one that feeds her gormet cooked food," George teased with a laugh. "You probably have a shrine."

"That's normal! That's what people feed their cats! That's completely normal!"

"I don't," George countered.

"Then what do you feed your cat?" Dream asked.

"I dunno, normal cat food?"

"Wait! You have a cat too??" Y/n asked. "I feel like we're missing a huge detail and it's that George never told me he had a cat."

"And a dog."

"WHAT? GEORGE! Send me pictures!!!!!"

"I can't right now, it's like three am. They're sleeping. Look in the pets channel."

"You're the worst," she grumbled, clicking and scrolling to find his pets. She saw a lot of cute pictures of other peoples pets along the way but couldn't find George's.

"Hey, do your animals have English accents?" Dream asked, making Y/n laugh.

"What?" George scoffed. "You're so stupid."

"How would that even sound?" Y/n asked.

"Like..." Dream thought, preparing to test out how it would hypothetically sound. "Meow," Dream meowed in his best accent, failing miserable.

"Oh gosh, never do that again," Y/n begged.

Dream laughed into his mic. "That was disgusting. George, I really hope your pets don't have accents."

"They're animals, so probably not. And if they did, it definitely wouldn't sound like whatever that was."

"Oh come on–"

"OH I FOUND THEM." Y/n announced as she found a message from George in the pets channel with the message 'heard we're sharing our pets'. "GEORGE. THEY'RE SO CUTE."

"Are you gonna make them your background picture now?" George asked.

"What, no way! It's Patches!" Dream scoffed.

"Yeah, I'll make George's pets my home screen. Oh, what a good day." As soon as she said it, a metal bowling ball fell to her stomach, reminding her of all the reasons it was, in fact, not a good day.

She got off after a while, feeling the weight of a particular idiot man's stupid simple text catch up with her again. She thanked Dream and George for letting her join, they invited her to always hang out with them, and she went on her way.

Y/n fell on her bed and curled up under the covers as her mind started to wander from Peter to Dream. She was really glad she met him. He was a really good person and he was always so incredibly kind to her. George and Sapnap and Karl were all great friends, so caring and understanding and always looking out for her, but Dream was different and she didn't know why.

Maybe it was because he seemed untouchable still, like he had no reason to hang out around someone like her. But he wasn't untouchable in the celebrity was since he had a large following, because all of her friends did and they didn't seem untouchable. Then what was it? What set him apart from, say, Karl? She trusted Karl with her life and had known him for quite a while. She knew Dream for maybe a few weeks and almost trusted him the same amount.

Why?

She picked her phone up off the bed and pulled up Twitter, deciding to DM Dream since he was already existing in her mind rent-free. Might as well make him pay his rent by bothering him.

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A/N: EEEEEEEE I hope that all made sense lmaaoooo basically yn ex = gaarrbbaaagggeeeee and ruined her self-worth a lot!! not poggers!!!!!!  THANK U GUYS FOR BEING SO SWEET ALL THE TIME ALL FOR ALL THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK ON ALL THE  CHAPTERS!!! I love seeing you guys make predictions and tell me how aljkDFB chapters make you feel bc same :/

taglist: OPEN (at the time) @hydrate-tion @loraleiix @tinaswagbd @charsdummb @smileyyuta @1ghoste1 @cerberus-hellhound @gaysludge @queestionmark @carnations-red @letsloveimagines @the-fictionwriters-hairdo @boiled-onionrings @a-cryptic @fee-btheweeb @letsloveimagines @erwinss @just-a-stan @axths @kayleigh2703 @furiouspockettoad @sometimeseverythingsucks @powerpuffyn​ @itshaileyn @millavalntyne @automaticcomputerpaper @nikkineeky @fivedicksinatrenchcoat @sprucekot @jabby16 @mae-musicbitch @hungoverhellhound @dreamyteam @kuroo-icedtea @stuffforreferences @menacingaesthetic @sapphic-soot @fangeekkk 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 315: I Didn’t Expect This to Blow Up

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “guess which plot that you thought was dead is actually not dead and is making a comeback!” and we were all “EVIL HPSC??” and he was all “girl you know it,” and that’s the story of how we got a sexy Lady Nagant flashback with lots of guns and murder. Flashback!Lady was all “gotta murder peeps to preserve the people’s trust,” but then a little while later she was like “actually wait that makes no sense,” and so she shot her evil boss and they sent her to jail. Back in the present, Deku was all “okay fair, the hero system might in fact be a little fucked up, but hear me out... have you considered not helping AFO take over the world so he can murder like a bazillion more innocent people??” The chapter ended with the not-all-there Overhaul finally revealing himself to Deku, and I honestly have no idea where this is gonna go.

Today on BnHA: In what is unfortunately the single worst plan ever concocted by anyone in BnHA, Nagant is all “I’m going to try and get this Deku kid to panic and freeze up by putting someone in mortal danger.” Deku is all, “[doesn’t panic and freeze up at the sight of someone in mortal danger].” Nagant is all “omg no way.” Deku, who is now all of a sudden being so OP that even I have to acknowledge that it’s OP lol, is all “[smashes Nagant’s gun arm to bits]”, which sucks but is also really cool, and which also apparently makes Nagant decide that she actually likes this kid after all. Deku is all “NAGANT I REALLY LIKE YOU AND THINK YOU’RE GREAT SO PLEASE JOIN UP WITH ME AND STOP BEING EVIL.” Nagant is all “aw shucks (✿ •͈ᴗ•͈) well okay then” and everyone is all “( ･◡･) ✰ ( ˆᴗˆ ) ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)” and then Nagant FUCKING EXPLODES LIKE AN EGG IN THE MICROWAVE AND FALLS TO HER DEATH!!!! except not really because Hawks saves her??? In conclusion, (a) THE FUCK, and (b) AFO TURN ON YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANT TO TALK.

so I have to tell you guys something, which is that barely ten minutes after I made that “please don’t send me spoilers” post the other day, someone replied to the comments in a stunning fit of “tell me that you’re twelve without actually telling me you’re twelve” energy and posted what seemed to be the copy-pasted spoiler summary from reddit or twitter or whatever lol. so here is my good news/bad news rundown of all that

good news: I have very well-conditioned ABORT!! reflexes and have trained myself to immediately look away from the screen (usually in dramatic fashion) as soon as I realize that whatever I’m reading is a spoiler

bad news: unfortunately as I was subsequently deleting said comments, I accidentally read the very last one

good news??: said spoiler was so unbelievably, absurdly over-the-top that I’m almost positive this person was just trolling. like, there’s just no way lmao

bad news: but in the unlikely event that it is true I will absolutely lose my shit I swear to god

(ETA: “NAGANT DIES.” that was the spoiler I read lol. like, literally all I read from the person’s comments was “My Hero Academia Chapter 315 Title: “Beautiful Words.” Chapter starts with...” and then I noped out of there, and then of all the comments to read as I was deleting, it had to be that one lol. I seriously was just like “SURE, JAN.” all “just how gullible do you think I am” sob. but I was wrong. a troll, but an honest troll they remain.

but anyways like I’m pretty sure Nagant isn’t even actually dead lol, so in the end this whole little adventure doesn’t even have a point to it, but for me it was a journey!)

anyway, so there are apparently two versions of the chapter today?? no idea what the difference is, but I’m going to go with the Bean version, because it’s the one at the top and I don’t feel like making decisions today

huh, so Overhaul is actually more coherent than Horikoshi was letting on

look at him having a whole back and forth conversation with her. side note, how is he still this jacked when he’s been sitting in a cell doing absolutely nothing for the past six months

anyway so he says he’ll go with her on one condition. I wonder what that condition could possibly be. do you think it could be the thing he literally hasn’t shut up about ever since he reappeared lol

yep! and damn -- maybe this guy will surprise me after all

still would be nice if you also felt a bit sorry for the little girl you tortured and traumatized, but this is something at least. maybe Deku will yell at him for that other stuff lol

(ETA: also can’t help but wonder if he wants to make amends because he put him in a coma, or because his plan was a failure and ended up destroying the family. just hoping you’ve finally had that “hurting other people is bad” epiphany dude.)

anyways so now Nagant’s arm is transforming again, and this particular transformation happens to be the only truly unsexy thing that Nagant has done thus far so I’m just gonna skip right on ahead lol

aaaaand we’re back to the delirious ranting

buddy. just. read the fucking room, guy

wow she really is aiming at Overhaul, then. those theories were spot-on

damn she’s really out here all “it really fucks with kids’ heads when you kill people right in front of them and make them blame themselves” like yo

I’m picturing her saying all this in a very loud stage-whispery tone while making very significant eye contact with Deku lol

uh oh but wait

um. okay. who’s gonna tell her. Nagant I might have some bad news for you about the kid you’re trying to capture here. specifically about the way he tends to do the opposite of what you’re thinking that he’s about to do

holy shit

so it’s basically just “tap x repeatedly to charge up your attack” lol

and okay, so that’s cool and all, but is anyone else wincing at the thought of what that must be like on his knees. oh to be young

anyway, but so to the surprise of basically no one, Deku did not, in fact, freeze. I am very sorry, Nagant. he’s just like this

LMAO

someone wanna tell me how getting yoloed in the fucking ribs by this fucking slingshot kid moving at literal sniper bullet speed is in any way even remotely better than getting hit by the bullet itself lol

(ETA: this is 10x funnier now that we know the bullet wasn’t even gonna hit him lmao.)

anyway so now Nagant is having an extended “!?!?!?” reaction about how Deku just moved with no hesitation, and I’m starting to get an inkling of fear that the rest of this fight isn’t going to go very well for her and maybe that’s what all the “hoo boy” is about

oh my god Deku are you about to Gomu Gomu no Rocket yourself at her you insane little man

now Three is popping up again and he’s all “I see you’ve learned your lesson and are now only using three quirks at once instead of five” like with all this effusive praise about how great and badass Deku is and sob, okay, yeah. this chapter is basically one of those machines that shoots tennis balls at people, except instead of tennis balls it shoots hot piping discourse

OH MY GOD

YOOOOOOOOOO but also, NOOOOOOOOOOO

lol oh my god it’s literally two opposing reactions at once wtf. do I love this or hate this. like just for once can Horikoshi actually let a badass lady character win their fucking fight without getting their arm ripped off, BUT ALSO fucking look at that absurdly cool “SMASH” onomatopoeia though. it looks like it’s about to float right off the page holy shit that’s some seriously good art

anyway so is this really the end?? do I need to break out my ಠ_ಠ faces

lmao okay yeah I can definitely see how this would piss a lot of people off

he basically one-shotted her and she’s all “damn this kid is so amazing that I’m about to do a complete 180 turn on all of my previous angst” lmao. Horikoshi is really shounening it up today

on the plus side though, maybe this means there’s still a chance for her to join up with him after all? unless that spoiler was true lmao, then all hell is gonna break loose

YESSSSSSS

OH MY GOD AND HE SAYS THE BULLET WOULDN’T HAVE DONE MORE THAN GRAZE OVERHAUL ANYWAY, wow, I’m actually more relieved by that than I would have expected. I mean I would have forgiven her either way, but it means that there was still more hero in her than she was letting on

YES!!! FUCKING YES, THANK YOU

lol but I mean, it’s also like, “oh so today they get to have brain cells”, thank you so much lol. sometimes it’s really hard to tell which times we’re supposed to question these character decisions that seem dumb, and which times we’re just supposed to full on embrace them and switch off our critical thinking

but okay, so in this case it really was Nagant going easy on him on purpose, and not just her fucking up for no good reason even though she used to do this for a living and was the best in the game. and I know in this case it’s probably just Horikoshi giving us some consolation headpats to soften the blow of her losing so abruptly, but you know what, shit. I’ll take it

also you guys the light is coming back into Deku’s eyes again for just a moment here and I’m having feels about it?? the way it still comes back when he’s reaching out to save someone, and following his own hero path instead of the much darker and lonelier Christopher Nolan path that’s been laid out for him instead that he never wanted?? it’s both reassuring and also very sad

YESSSSSSSSSSS

DO IT LADY OMG PLEASE?? PLEASE COME BE HIS NEW IRRESPONSIBLE ADULT SUPERVISION YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO

AHHHHHHH SHE’S GONNA DO IT AHHHH

p.s. I am now absolutely scared shitless that that spoiler was actually true sob. swear to god, I will throw this manga into a fucking volcano. but we’re almost at the end of the chapter and this seems just WAY TOO GOOD to be true fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck f

UCK

NOPE NAH SEND IT BACK, NOPE, NUH UH, DIDN’T ORDER THIS. “GULLIBLE” OKAY FUCK YOU?? “COUNTERMEASURES” NOPE, DON’T NEED ‘EM, WE’RE ALL FINE HERE. WE’RE ACTUALLY GOOD SO YOU CAN JUST GO, OKAY. PLEASE

fuck, lol, I don’t wanna do it. I don’t wanna scroll down what have I ever done to deserve this oh my god

WHAT THE HONEY-ROASTED FUCK

WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING VOLCANO IN ICELAND THAT I KEEP SEEING ALL THESE PICTURES OF. WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT. LET’S GO

ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW

can someone please give AFO a really good, sharpish kick in the balls. just really let him have it. I’m so tired, what the fuck

-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME LOL WHAT

bro. I was literally going through my Excel folders to find the spreadsheet about female characters in BnHA that I made back when Midnight died. was gearing myself up for a wholeass rant. and honestly I might just let all of that continue simmering on low to keep it warm just in case lol, because to tell you the truth I have absolutely no idea what’s happening right now

my girl straight up does not have a face. she used to have a face. people usually need those, idk. like, even if she’s alive, her gorgeous eyebrows are definitely not making it out of this and I’m gonna throw a funeral just for them

how the fuck did AFO just blow her up?? how did he know what was going on?? and if he had a quirk that could explode people at will, why is this the first we’re hearing of it?? you’d think that might have come in handy at Kamino or Jakku, like what

(ETA: present!me, who’s had more than three hours of sleep and can now actually remember facts about the series, would like to remind past!me that AFO gave Nagant a quirk, and so this is probably just more Vestige shenanigans now on his part. that’s also probably why Air Walk suddenly stopped working out of nowhere. still doesn’t explain why he doesn’t go around blowing people up more often though but maybe he thinks it’s gauche.)

Hawks just straight up out of nowhere. just Mirioed his way straight into the chapter just in time to be too late sob. here I was looking forward to seeing your face when Deku showed up with his new best friend. can’t believe Horikoshi deprived us of that moment

on the plus side, WELCOME BACK, HAWKS’S FEATHERS. I have no doubt that in this chapter of Deku being an almighty threequirk-mastering god, and Nagant losing anticlimactically only to be immediately blown up because girl characters in BnHA can only be cool for one fight and one fight only, there are still some people who are focusing solely on the “how dare Hawks get his wings back when he is a MURDERER this is an outrage what about CONSEQUENCES” discourse, and to hell with all the other discourses lmao

anyway, so yeah. wow. and now it’s just occurring to me that maybe the real reason why Overhaul is there is so he can get a head start on that amend-making by actually doing a good thing for once in his life, and using his quirk to heal Nagant. assuming he can still do that

and so now Horikoshi has got me out here actually rooting for Overhaul. you know what, on that note I think I’m just gonna go ahead and call it a day sob

[shemarmooresfedora]

Collision Course

Summary: You and Spencer were just bound to collide. Only fate could plan a first meeting that unique.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Content/Warnings: fluff, minor car crash (no serious injuries), swearing, sexual harassment (specifically cat-calling from a stranger), mentions of eating a lot of food, implied allusion to sex (not specifically stated)

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: this is my one-shot entry for @ellesgreenaway ‘s 1k follower celebration! congratulations! <3 i’ve had this fic in my drive for a while but i never got around to finishing it until now

Masterlist

The metro was down for scheduled repairs today. JJ offered to bring Spencer in but he politely declined. He figured he should drive his car at least every once and a while so it doesn’t just collect rust in his parking spot.

Leaving his apartment 15 minutes earlier than he normally would to account for his rather slow driving, Spencer cautiously reversed out of his space.

He sighed in relief that he had not hit the neighboring cars. Spencer began to pull out of the parking garage. Unfortunately, he was so relieved from his little victory that he forgot to check both ways when he drove out of the parking garage.

Spencer slammed on the brakes but it was too late. He hit a young woman jogging and knocked her to the ground. Luckily, his average speed was that of a snail so he hoped her injuries were not too bad.

Spencer put the car in park and got out, “Oh god, oh god, oh god. Are you okay, miss?”

“I think so,” you were on the ground, assessing your body for any damage.

“Can you stand?” Spencer extended his hand to help you up.

You carefully stood, wincing a little when you put pressure on your left ankle.

“Is there anyone I can call? Do you want me to drive you to the ER?” Spencer frantically asked.

Your eyes widened, “No!” you stated a little too loudly, “Um I mean no thank you. I should finish my run anyways. I have a 5k for Alzheimer’s research coming up and I need to run or else I don’t raise any money,” you politely waved and took off again, much slower this time.

Spencer cringed as he watched you limp slightly every time you stepped on your left ankle, knowing it was his fault you were in pain. He sighed and pulled out his phone.

“Hey JJ, have you left yet? I need a ride, I’ll explain in the car.”

-

“Pretty Boy, how was your drive in?” Derek asked as soon as Spencer stepped off the elevator with JJ.

“I got about 20 feet and then hit someone with my car and had to call JJ so not great,” he admitted.

“Boy Wonder, you did WHAT? Are they okay?” Penelope gasped.

“She insisted she was fine but then she was limping away. I offered her a ride but she didn’t seem too keen on getting in a car with me,” Spencer explained.

“I wonder why,” Emily chuckled.

-

So there Spencer was. In the park in his only pair of short athletic shorts and a hoodie.

He had asked Penelope to sign him up for the 5k as a way to sort of make it up to the woman he hit. Plus, obviously it was for a good cause that was near and dear to his heart because of his mother.

Spencer had to take a lot of water breaks, periodically stopping to walk for a bit.

In the distance, he saw you on a bench and he suddenly felt the energy again to continue running to you. As he approached, he saw you tightening an ankle brace around your left foot and to make matters worse, you had a wrist brace as well.

Spencer considered just leaving you alone but he felt the need to apologize.

“H-Hello,” he awkwardly sputtered.

“Oh, hi,” you replied.

“I am so so sorry. Please let me pay your medical bills and any other expenses that I caused,” Spencer apologized.

“Unless you meant to hit me then it’s fine,” you stood from the bench.

“I definitely didn’t and I wasn’t on my phone or anything like that. I just barely ever drive but the metro was down today,” Spencer explained.

“You don’t have to pay my medical bills. I’m friends with a nurse so she did this for free. However, I would allow you to sponsor me for the 5k,” you answered.

“Absolutely,” Spencer nodded, “And funny story, you inspired me to register as well. I got everyone in my office to sponsor me.”

“That’s so great! The money is certainly going to a good cause.”

Spencer saw you smile for the first time since he met you.

“I’ve never been much of an athlete though. I barely passed my fitness test for work,” Spencer admitted.

“What kind of job has a fitness test?” you asked.

“I work for the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI,” Spencer stated.

“Oh shit, you’re a federal agent? Maybe I will sue you and make bank,” you grinned.

Spencer’s face reddened.

“It was just a joke. You can laugh, then that means the incident is in the past and no hard feelings,” you smiled, “I’m Y/N.”

“Spencer.”

“Well, Spencer, if you ever need a running buddy, I’m more than happy to come along seeing as we both are training for the same thing. But I do have to warn you, this brace is kind of a bitch so I’m a little slower than normal.”

“I can assure you that you will probably still be faster than me with the brace on so maybe it was a good thing for me that I hit you with my car so you won’t be miles ahead,” Spencer grinned.

You laughed wholeheartedly, “See, Spencer! I’m laughing about it so no hard feelings, all is forgiven.”

“I’m just finishing up for the day but I was planning on being here again on Wednesday at the same time if you want to meet at this bench,” you offered.

“Yeah, I can do that,” Spencer nodded.

“See you around, Spencer. Hopefully not in your car though,” you winked and waved.

-

“Oh god, you’ve fallen in love with the chick you almost killed,” Derek groaned.

“Not love...well, yet anyways. She’s so pretty and easy to talk to and isn’t mean to me after everything that has happened and her laugh is like honey,” Spencer smiled softly, recalling the sound in his mind.

“Okay, lover boy,” Penelope giggled, “Did you get her number?”

“No but we’re meeting for a run tomorrow. We actually met at the park when I was training,” Spencer said.

“So she’s seen you in those short shorts and agreed to another meeting? Maybe you do have a chance, kid, cause you really put it all out there,” Derek smirked.

“Speaking of, I actually need to get more of them,” Spencer sipped his coffee.

“Just go all the way and get spandex. Leave nothing to the imagination,” Derek chuckled as Spencer rolled his eyes.

-

“Jesus, I’m going to have to hit your right leg this time if I’m going to have any chance of keeping up with you,” Spencer huffed as he bent over his knees to catch his breath.

“Well good news is that was four miles so you definitely will be able to run a 5k because it’s only 3.1 miles,” you encouraged him.

“Technically, it’s 3.10686 miles but I see your point,” Spencer heaved.

“I know a really good smoothie place nearby. Come on, it’s on me,” you grabbed his hand.

Luckily, Spencer’s face was already red from exercising so you weren’t able to see the blush that formed on his cheeks.

“No, it’s definitely on me. I know you said we’re fine but I am forever going to be indebted to you because of the incident.”

“Spencer, really just forget about it,” you assured him.

“I can’t, I have an eidetic memory,” he grinned.

“Ah, I see. Fine, you buy me one smoothie but then we’re even,” you conceded.

You were walking down the street to the cafe when you heard a whistle come from one of the cars driving by.

“Damn, your ass is looking sexy in those leggings,” a man hollered from his passing truck.

You flipped him off and tried to pull your shirt down as much as possible, crossing your arms tightly around your front.

Spencer unzipped his hoodie and extended it towards you, “Sorry, it’s a little sweaty but if you want to wear it, you can.”

You smiled softly and accepted the sweatshirt, feeling more comfortable now.

“I’ve got his license plate number memorized and I intend to file a police report. Unfortunately, reports like these usually don’t go very far but I’ll keep pushing it through. I’ll also call the company that was printed on the side of the truck and ask to speak to his supervisor,” Spencer spoke softly after a few minutes.

“Thanks, Spencer,” you leaned your head on his shoulder and sighed.

“You don’t have to thank me for that. I’m just doing what’s right. He had no right to make comments about your body,” Spencer said, wrapping a gentle arm around your upper waist.

-

“Welcome to Y/N’s carbo-loading extravaganza!” you opened the door of your apartment to let Spencer in.

“I brought dessert as requested,” Spencer held up a chocolate cake.

“I like how you think, Spencer. Dinner’s all ready,” you smiled.

“Spaghetti, meatballs, and crispy buttery garlic bread,” you pulled the bread out of the oven.

“Looks absolutely delicious,” he complimented.

“Eating carbohydrates before a race boosts the glycogen storage in your muscles allowing you to work out longer,” Spencer informed you.

“Interesting, I never knew the science behind it but I’m never going to complain about eating tons of pasta and bread,” you twirled some pasta on to your fork.

Halfway through the meal, Spencer accidentally got a sauce stain on his pale pink shirt.

“Oh no,” you said as he tried to dab it away.

“That needs to soak right away. I don’t want any casualties at the carbo-loading extravaganza. Give it to me to scrub and I’ll get you another shirt.”

Spencer unbuttoned his shirt and peeled it off. You gulped at the sight of him shirtless, grabbing the shirt and heading to your bathroom sink to scrub it with laundry detergent.

“You can just grab any t-shirt from my room that you think will fit,” you called out to him.

Spencer settled on a light gray shirt with a golden retriever on the front.

“Okay, the stain is out! It’s just soaking now-“ you immediately stopped talking as soon as you saw the shirt Spencer was wearing.

He noticed your eyes were beginning to glisten with tears, “I’m so sorry. I can pick a different shirt,” Spencer was already beginning to pull it over the top of his head.

“No it’s fine, Spencer. That’s just my grandma’s t-shirt. I forgot I even had it.”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” he spoke guiltily.

“You didn’t know, besides it looks good on you anyways,” you smiled, “My grandma is the whole reason I’m running the 5k.”

“My mom has Alzheimer’s too so I understand that it’s extremely hard to watch a loved one go through that,” Spencer pulled you in for a hug.

You cried into his chest as he rubbed soothing circles on your back.

After Spencer hadn’t heard any sniffles in a while, he whispered, “Do you have any tea I can make you?”

You nodded and Spencer guided you to the couch, wrapping you in a blanket before turning the kettle on.

-

Spencer answered the cheerful knocking at his front door early in the morning.

“Race day! Are you ready?” you exclaimed.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess,” Spencer smiled.

“I promise we are sticking together the whole time because it doesn’t matter how long it takes us as long as we finish,” you held up your pinky.

“Together,” Spencer affirmed, locking his pinky with yours.

The starting line in the park was only a short distance away from Spencer’s apartment so you and Spencer decided to walk there as a little warm-up.

You and Spencer were doing quad stretches when you saw his eyes wander to something behind you and then widen. His face immediately reddening.

“What?” you asked, turning around to see a group of people with a sign that read ‘Go Spencer and his girlfriend!’

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t expect them to do that,” Spencer stammered.

The poor boy was so flustered so you decided to take it easy on him.

“I don’t mind,” you shrugged with a slight smile.

“You don’t?” Spencer clarified, “I’m not very good with words or flirting in general but I would like to see you again after the race is over. Maybe I could take you out to dinner?”

“Yes but my only condition is...I’m driving,” you smirked.

“Oh, you’ll pay for that,” Spencer grinned.

An air horn sounded, signaling the start of the race.

“I think you’re going to have to catch me first, Dr. Reid,” you giggled as you sprinted ahead.

-

“It’s in sight, Spencer! We can do this!” you pointed to the finish line in the distance.

“Y/N, you’re going to have to carry me. I can’t,” Spencer heaved.

“If you finish this race, I will…” you cupped your hand to his ear and whispered something.

Spencer immediately perked up and started running again.

“Hey, wait up!” you laughed.

You and Spencer crossed the finish line at the same time. Spencer’s legs immediately gave out which caused you to fall too, collapsing on top of him.

“I know I’m really sweaty and gross right now but can I please kiss you?” Spencer whispered.

Your lips were pressed on his as soon as he finished his sentence. You honestly didn’t know how long you had been kissing for but you didn’t look up until you heard one of the race officials shout, “Hey lovebirds! That’s very sweet but other people are trying to cross the finish line.”

“Sorry!” you and Spencer apologized, scrambling to your feet.

“Not really,” Spencer whispered to you and you jabbed him in the side with your elbow playfully, stifling a laugh.

what slightly inspired this fic is one time @samuel-de-champagne-problems commented on one of my posts “i could never stay mad at spencer” and then i thought to myself “same. i couldn’t stay mad at him even if he hit me with his car” and now here we are... 🚙

taglist: (just ask to be added or removed!): @samuel-de-champagne-problems @g0lden-cth @spencerreid9 @averyhotchner @coldlilheart @k-k0129 @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @harrystylesandthegoobs @cmily @jswessie187 @rem-ariiana @hoodpankow @mochionly

[animeyanderelover]

Hello again! Can I have prompt 46 with Ash? Tnx

Recently I told my friend that I had a lot of requests about him and she laughed about it. She doesn't really like him, but she gives him credit since he looks good.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, extreme paranoia, isolation, desperation, mentions of kidnapping,overprotectiveness, mentions of self-harm, Stockholm syndrome

Prompt 46: "Can I...can I kiss you?"

It was nothing less than a miracle that someone like you existed, someone who was cleansed from all the sins of this world and the corruption of humans. You were radiating with everything Ash had wanted for this world, a world that he wanted to give to you. It was the minimum from what she should and would do for you, it was his duty as your very own guardian angel. A role he was utterly dedicated too, devoted to his very own angel who forgave him his sins every time.

It was true, you had forgiven him his crimes already a long time ago as everything around you had started to fade away and you had lost count of how long exactly you had been stuck in here. Somewhere around one and a half years would be your expectation, looking on how the seasons had changed through the large and closed windows which symbolized your loss of freedom. But you didn't mind anymore.

You only needed and wanted Ash, your guardian angel.

There was clear tension in his body, you could feel how he stiffened up under your embrace. He had never really received that sort of affection before from anyone nor would he have ever wanted it from all those worthless lives walking around freely. You were the only person he actually wanted any sort of touches from. That was how pure you were, even causing someone like him craving something and falling victim to his own desires. And it was his own fault for being so weak-minded. He didn't deserve you yet letting you perish outside would be an even greater sin. He had to keep you safe.

"My Queen...what are you doing?"

Being able to keep his composure was important in front of you, though he remembered to have failed multiple times in the past already. Severe punishment was the only thing he could think of to atone for his failures for not being good enough, for proving himself to be so incredibly useless. Even now he could feel some unhealed wounds aching a bit, but you didn't have to know about his weakness and incompetence.

You blinked slightly confused up at him when he asked you such an obvious question, but it soon turned into slight giggling that instantly plunged Ash's heart into painfully warm emotions and forced his eyes to get wet. It had taken a while until you had been able to look so happy after he had quickly rescued you from all the evil waiting to devour you. The distress he had felt back then could never be put in words and no burns, knifes and broken bones had been able to make up for what you had been suffering under. Even now it remained as a anxiety deeply stuck in his heart. But looking at you now, smiling at him and not staring with wide eyes filled with fear at him, was worth much more than his whole life could ever repay you.

"I’m hugging you. It’s just that you always look so worried and stressed over my safety and never appear to take a rest. Just now you did as well so I thought this might help you a bit. A strong hug can be more worth than thousand words after all. That’s what my mother told me at least when I was younger.”, you replied softly, pressing your face deeper into his chest with a content look on your face.

There was nothing Ash could think of for a few moments, instead he seared the scene in front of him deep into his brain, how you were currently buried into his chest, looking so happy and peaceful. So stunning and precious.

Tears were quick to escape his eyes only seconds later, his insides stirring up with warmth that stung him and yet baked him with something he hadn’t felt in so long. Comfort and peace.

This was exactly why he had to protect you with his very own life, no one was allowed to snuff out the light you carried inside of you and that was able to even share it’s warmth with him. You possessed too much kindness to understand, but normal humans only destroyed what they touched, ruining it with their greed.

He wouldn’t let them do the same to you.

He would kill everyone who would even do as much as getting too close.

He just had to guarantee that you would live.

But first of all he had to calm himself down or otherwise he might worry you even more than he seemed to have done already. The tears were quickly wiped away with his sleeves before Ash was able to look at you again, still feeling like he wanted to continue crying. His heart felt like it might burst at any moment.

“You have so much warmth and love inside of you that I don’t think I deserve any of it. You shouldn’t even be concerned about me, I merely do what I have to do as your guardian. If you were to fall victim to this damned place, I would perish as well. What use is an angel who can’t even protect their chosen one?”

Pain was twisting his voice and face a bit when he dared to imagine how a world without you would be, a world filled with grief and darkness for him. Letting his guard down would be a fatal mistake, he had seen the worst of this world and the humans and he knew that it would happen again. That was why he had to be like this for you were his heart beating outside his chest. If something were to ever happen to you...

The angel hadn't even noticed that he had already started crying again, fist tightened and body shaking whilst getting lost in fears of losing the one good and bright thing this world had still left.

"But for me you're more than just a guardian angel. You're my angel and I want you to feel happy as well. I want you to feel loved as well. You do so much for me, but I feel like I only cause you stress and uneasiness. Shouldn't you be happy because of me?", you asked him in slight protest, feeling sadness whilst seeing the man you had come to love like this again because of you. You had never seen him truly relaxed nor had you ever been able to show him your feelings. He wouldn't let you, not thinking that he deserved you.

His reaction was instant, suddenly falling on his knees upon hearing from what you had said that he had disappointed you yet again, the visible look of your sorrow only stabbing his fear deeper into his very soul.

"I-I am so sorry! I didn't know that you felt this way only because I was so selfish to only think about myself like this! I don't deserve your forgiveness and accept any sort of-"

When he felt the soft sensation of your hands cupping his stained cheeks, he abruptly stopped his rambling, trying to not choke on his own breath that had gotten irregular.

"You don't have to apologize to me. I don't want to hear you saying such things about yourself. Don't you understand? I am unhappy whenever you are like this, seeing yourself as so worthless and not deserving of my love. That's what hurts me so much. You're rejecting my feelings. I love you, Ash. And I want to know if you do too. Because if you do, please stop talking like this and behave so distantly."

Your voice conveyed every bit emotion that was going on inside of you in that moment, something that Ash noticed with widened eyes as well.

Silence was cut short by him when he realized that you wanted something crucial from him which he would gladly give you. He had never considered that you would ever consider his love as something you wanted, consider him as someone you loved. When had been the last time someone had been truly kind to him and loved him? He couldn't remember anymore.

"Of course I do. You should never doubt my feelings for you. I love you more than you could ever imagine. It's impossible to function without you.", he managed to reply with a shaking voice as he grabbed both of your hands in his own.

"Then why are you acting like this? Everyone deserves someone who loves them. Without love it's a very painful life, isn't it? That's why I am hurting as well. Let me love you and I promise that you'll be able to feel peace as well.", you muttered slightly embarrassed out, leaning your head down so your forehead could rest against his own.

Slight sobs were starting to catch up to Ash as he was staring in pure awe at you.

"Thank you. I'll be better and make sure that I won't cause you sadness anymore.", he pressed out, tightening his grip on your hands only the slightest bit so he wouldn't hurt you.

"I'm glad to hear that.", you replied with a sincere smile on your face, joy stirring your heart up just by seeing that for the first time since he had abducted you, Ash was looking relieved and less tense. He just looked extremely grateful.

"May I ask you for a favor then?", you requested with a certain idea in mind.

"I'll do anything for you.", Ash replied, sounding very emotional.

"I want to do something for you for once since you normally do anything for me."

Hesitation and clear dislike instantly shadowed his face, the thought of him asking something from you going against Ash's belief in all the wrong ways. You shouldn't have to do him favors.

"It doesn't have to be something difficult. It can be a really simple thing. Just...something that I can do for you this once. Please.", you begged slightly, seeing the angel already struggling. You knew how he felt about such things, he hated letting you do something for him and he had never done it before either. Ash saw it only upon himself to serve you which was another thing that sometimes made you feel guilty. You wanted to do more for him as well.

"Can I...can I kiss you?"

Maybe that had been more a slip of his tongue, but he had been slightly panicking since hadn't want to sadden you again nor had he wanted you to do physical work for him. It was supposed to be the other way around.

So when he had stared for a moment at your face, eyes locked on your lips, he had considered somewhere deep in his mind possibilities which he had been fantasizing about a few times before, but hadn't thought that they would actually have a change of happening.

In his opinion they were still sinful, it would take a while for him to get used to the idea that you wanted to receive physical affection and love from him. The first impulse when he realized what he had said was instantly apologizing, only to be interrupted before he could even start saying anything.

You had already leaned down to fulfill him his wish before he could take it back again.