#maybe I’m just. not cut out to be popular on the internet

[littledoggyboy]

Apparently someone sent my friend an anon talking about how I used them for sex????

Look I know I’ve grown apart from some people but if you have a problem with that, the adult thing to do is talk to me about it.

Please if I’ve hurt you please just. Stop spreading rumors and please just tell me what I did wrong.

I’m a person and I make mistakes. I never intentionally used anyone for sex but if I ever came across that way I’d like to know so I can change that behavior.

Just. Please don’t go harassing my friends and saying I’m a bad person. I don’t understand why you would do that.

[modelbus]

YOOOO MODDLEE

yeah I did it again.

(Help I have a problem of disappearing into thin air)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PART THREE OF CUT CHAOS SHEBSJNSUH

you said you would write 500 chapters.. but like obviously exaggerating..? (Kiddinggg)

tho a few more couldn’t hurt..

juuuust saying if you ever feel like it I will eventually see it and it will eventually make my week. <3333

BUT THATS NOT WHY WE ARE HERE! (I’m sorry my requests are always so long and dramatic bro I just brain like that)

Actual request:

ok so like I knowww cut chaos started from rumours but like rumours are an easy way to start plot lines k? (Also I use she pronouns out of habit but they is pog too)

the friends in question: Tommyinnit (duh), Wilbur (moosic boi), Ranboo (generation loss trauma guy), Possibly Slimecicle?? I know he’s not someone you do requests for normally buttt if you’re okay with it that would be POG, or if slime is a no, tubbo!

SO a few months ago Y/N started working on an SMP with some minimal custom mods, some fancy texture packs, maybe some data packs, and its like this BIGGG project, BUT its not public and its taking a lot of her time, so she can only really do a few streams and most of the time because her schedule is so full its hard to work out streams with friends so, she is alone. with the internet being the internet people started to think something was up, some annoyed viewers made a few rumours and people kept making things up and escalating things until people were saying she did all sorts of horrible things to “lose all her friends” but one of the most popular theories was that she was emotionally abusing them (??? Internet wildin ig) she ignored them while mostly finishing the stuff for the smp, but decided to address it in a very- y/n way. Getting four friends to come to her house and hide slightly off camera while she made a purposefully bad apology video only for them to jump out at the end and her to stand up and be like “YALL REALLY THOUGHT I WAS SOME MASTER MANIPULATOR?! I’M JUST A FUNKY LITTLE CHAOTIC MINECRAFT GOBLIN N’ I’VE BEEN WORKING ON AN SMP THIS WHOLE TIME!! ITS GONNA BE SUPER COOL AND THESE FOUR PLUS ALOOOOT MORE PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE THERE I’M POSTING THE CREATORS SOON AND ITS LAUNCHING IN A MONTH!, SO STOP ASSUMING I’M A BAD PERSON AND GET PUMPED BITCHES!” something along those lines, maybe at the end a little peek at what people are responding with. (Obviously no pressure, but like id be cool) (thanks for considering deity of the busses and models.)

HOW WE LIKING THE SILLIES?!?

P.S I’m not always an angst gremlin (just most of the time..) - ✨🌌🌙 Annon

I DO BE LIKING THE SILLIES (and thank you for elevating me to the level of deity, my ego has been inflated)

Pairing: Cc! Wilbur, Tommy, Ranboo, Charlie Slimecicle x Gn!Reader (platonic)

Roaring Rumors

Life was all about sacrifices.

Or, that’s what you keep telling yourself when you’re up at 1AM working on your server. Putting together an SMP is harder than it sounds; texture packs, data packs, comparability, world-building, even the (seemingly) simply act of contacting people to play on it. For the amount of time you spent on your computer, your hands might as well be part of your keyboard.

Sleep wasn’t the only thing you sacrificed. Streaming, even just fun ones with your friends, had quickly became rare. Although you loved to hop on a call while coding still, your online presence had severely receded.

You just keep telling yourself that sacrifices are necessary. That the payoff would be worth it.

And it really would be, but you just had to get there first. Which was proving harder than you had thought.

At the very least, you still had your friends. Wilbur sitting silently on call with you while you work, Tommy dragging you out of your room, Ranboo always willing to get excited over your progress. Every day you woke up with a text from your groupchat—typically Charlie—just filling you in on the latest internet trend by a meme.

Today, your news comes from Wilbur and Tommy.

“I think they’re canceling you.” Wilbur says casually while you’re in the midst of detailing the hunger bar for a texture pack.

“Ooh, you’re a wrong’un!” Tommy yells in the background of Wilbur’s side of the call.

The three of you had been idly chatting while each doing your own thing. Wilbur and Tommy were engaged in some Twitter competition, as far as you know.

“Canceling me for what?” You ask, deciding to ignore Tommy’s shouting.

“Existing, I think.” Wilbur answers.

“So the normal.”

“The normal.”

Although the conversation stops there, you can’t help yourself. Later, during one of the few hours you dedicate to getting sleep to stay alive, you pull open Twitter on your phone. Your last tweet was nearly two weeks ago, so it’s been a minute.

But you just want to make sure nothing horrible happened while you were busy. You’re a content creator, this is normal. Definitely. You definitely aren’t just justifying this so you can do it.

You swipe through tweets, heading to trending and searching your name. Tweets load, making your mouth run dry. Wilbur wasn’t joking.

All you can do is scroll, reading as the messages get wilder and wilder. From people saying they were missing you to theories on why nobody was streaming you. Each one seemed considerably more implausible, and before you know it you’re glaring at your screen like it’s to fault.

Some thought you had grown apart.

Some thought you had a falling out.

And, apparently, a lot thought you were emotionally abusing them. Or, depending on the tweet, manipulating them.

Quite honestly, you didn’t even know how they got the idea. The long threads of explanations did nothing but send you into a spiral, biting your bottom lip so hard that it bleeds.

You were so close to finishing the SMP. It needed just a few things, then you'd be able to start scheduling to get it up and running. You didn't have the time nor mental capacity to deal with whatever the fuck is going on right now.

Is it a good choice? Maybe not. But do you still ignore the accusations? Hell yes.

-

By the time you get even closer to finishing the preparations for your SMP, you've come up with the perfect plan to address the (quite stupid) rumors. It'll be a two-in-one; you address the rumors and announce the SMP at the same time.

"How long do I have to lay on this floor?" Tommy asks, stretched out behind your chair.

"Nobody asked you to lay on the floor." Wilbur points out, standing next to your computer. Charlie, on the other side, laughs.

"Yeah man, you wanted to be down there."

"Besides, I'm doing great down here!" Ranboo chimes in.

You roll your eyes, grinning. "I'm about to start stream, so it won't be for much longer. Just wait for my cue, yeah?"

Tommy grumbles, but shuts up. You take that as your chance to start the stream, switching it off your waiting screen and waving to the camera. Your chosen stream title has brought in a bit more than your usual casual steam view number, "Talking about some serious stuff," leading people to believe there will be drama. And if it's drama they want, it's drama you'll give.

"Hello, hello!" You smile, leaning back. "So I've decided to talk about some things. Namely, the Twitter shit. I am so sorry for everything, and I mean that. A lot. Sincerely. There's meaning in it."

Tommy snorts, and from the corner of your eye you catch Wilbur kick him to shut him up.

"What am I sorry about?" You ask rhetorically, acting like you read it off of chat. "Oh, you know. People have been saying all types of stuff. The things about me manipulating my friends?" There's a pause while you let that sink in. "So, I'm sorry."

It's a purposefully shitty apology, but you sigh and act like its heartfelt for a few moments, nodding towards chat. Their messages are mostly confused, especially because it isn't one emote-only.

"Sorry you guys are so gullible!" You shout, and Tommy practically tackles you.

Wilbur's the one to fix your chair, Ranboo and Charlie appearing next to you within moments.

"You guys really thought this one could manipulate me? The master?" Charlie asks the stream, pointing at you.

"Yeah!" Tommy shouts, way too energetic for someone who complained five minutes ago about being on the floor. "We're the master manipulators! Get fooled!"

"I, for one, haven't manipulated anyone-" Ranboo starts, but Tommy slaps a hand over his mouth and nods empathetically.

"Yeah, I don't know what you guys were thinking, but I've just been playing fucking Minecraft for the past few months nonstop." You laugh.

"Nonstop. It's a problem." Wilbur nods.

"It is not a problem!" Pause. "Anyways, I made an SMP! And that's where I've been! Not because I've been manipulating my friends or some shit, stop being dumbasses."

"It'll be super cool!" Ranboo adds in helpfully.

"These four-"

"That's us!" Charlie points around at himself, Wilbur, Tommy, and Ranboo.

"-will be on it, plus a lot more. It'll be posting those people soon! As in, check your Twitter obsessively guys! The SMP will be in about a month, too, so get fucking excited! I want to see some hype!"

"WOO!" Tommy screams, making everyone cringe at having their eardrums ruptured.

"So that's all I wanted to talk about I think. Anything to add, guys?" You glance around at the four surrounding you with a grin.

"One thing." Charlie nods, leaning in really close. "I have a secret. This SMP, it's actually-" He hits your end stream button mid-sentence. "And that's how you keep 'em interested."

-

Ycgmaenthusist NEW SMP NEW SMP NEW SMP NEW SMP

Mammalianeighingreflecenthusiest We are dumb as fuck aren’t we

Poabsenthusiest i will RIOT IN THE STREETS if any of yall be mean to MY STREAMER -> Cmwylenthusist FR I GOT TWO FISTS AND A CAUSE

[hopelessrromantix]

content: no prep, live stream, lingerie, degradation, riding crop, no beta

“Welcome to the stream everyone, great to see you all,” Billy gave his chat a wave, reading over the messages.

RRSays: He said he’s doing something new today, right?

MasterofPuppets: Yup

Whxre4U: Can’t wait to see what you have planned!

He laughed at some of the comments, mostly about a ‘surprise’ he mentioned in his last stream. His fans were rather eager, the number of views slowly ticking up. Nothing had even happened yet and he was getting tips, most people talking about how excited they were.

“You fuckers are gonna love this one,” He smirked, gesturing slightly just out of the screen.

You stepped into frame, your head cut off by the camera. You weren’t one for showing your face, so you had a mask. Billy on the other hand loved the popularity. Besides, if anyone recognized him, it said more about them than it did him.

“This is my boyfriend, we’ll just call him Daddy.” The sly smirk covering his face told enough of a story. He always got a kick out of teasing his audience, watching the messages of jealousy and excitement pour in.

Anonymous: Oh shit, figures he’s hot

JQW456: Not really sure if id rather fuck him or be him

Anonymous: sad he has a bf, but at least we get a show!

Billy chuckled, looking up to you and letting you step in.

“I’m takin’ over things for today, I’ll gladly fill any requests you all have.” You brought your hand up to his hair, carting a few of your fingers through it. The chat went wild, messages flying past too fast for you to see. Most of the paid chats were asking you to fuck him, as if it wasn’t in your plans.

Naturally, you were supportive of Billy. After all, the entire internet wants your boyfriend and you’re the only person that gets him. Plus it earned plenty of money.

You’d been friends prior to him streaming. Eventually he asked for someone to help him with tech and monitoring the stream, and eventually, you started dating.

Actually being in front of the camera was a whole new ball game, but you were all for the idea. People watching and begging you to fuck your boyfriend sounded pretty good, honestly.

Billy placed a kiss on your cheek, given that the mask was obstructing your lips. He was disappointed when you started wearing it, but he understood.

He loved dressing up for his streams. He usually wore some kind of makeup and one of the many… unique outfits he’d acquired during his time streaming. For now, it was lingerie. The all black looked good on him. A bralette covered his chest, though it was nearly see through. His underwear was lace, barely concealing his hard, twitching cock. Lastly were thigh highs, clinging to his skin in a rather tempting way.

He sat on your bed, the camera set up at the end. He smirked into it as you moved closer, clad in only your boxers.

You gripped his chest, rolling a hard, pink nipple between two fingers. Billy groaned, already melting under your chest. He leaned back into you, back arching into your touch. You reached another hand down, palming his dick slowly. There was already a sticky spot forming on the lace and it only grew as he thrust up into your hand.

A ping sounded from a screen next to you, one of the bigger screens you had set up so Billy could see his paid requests.

HellRaiserG: Would love to see you spank him, crop maybe?

You smirked, though it likely wasn’t visible.

“I can work with a crop,” You assured me. You stepped away from Billy, relishing the whine he let out when you did so. You returned a second later, gripping a long black crop. “Hands and knees, baby.”

He nodded, moving to his hands and knees, facing the camera. He lowers himself to his elbows, ass up in the air and facing you. He wiggled back and forth slightly, smirking back at you.

The smirk was almost immediately wiped from his face when you smacked him across the ass, crop forming a bright red line across.

“Fuck!” He cursed, eyes screwed shut. Though the camera didn’t catch it, you saw how rapidly his lace underwear was moving.

You struck his again, landing a clean hit on his left cheek. You leaned down, watching his lingerie covered cock.

“You all should see him twitching,” You commented with a laugh, watching as the comments continued rolling in. Most were anonymous, with only some of his regulars constantly commenting.

Anonymous: Fuck, that’s hot

Anonymous: Of course he’s a dumb little masochist lol

Anonymous: I’d love to see him choked, imagine the face he’d make

You gave Billy several move strikes, painting his ass a beautiful red color. You were met with curses and moans. Each time he moved back into you, as if silently begging for another hit.

After a little while you put the crop down, looking over to the new paid messages.

HighSurferBoy: No lube or prep, bet the masochist would love it. Try and hold him up so we can see!!

You smiled at the comment.

“Looks like someone doesn’t want me to prep you,” you informed. “You’d probably enjoy it, getting stretched out by my cock.”

He moaned and nodded, ass still up. You were fortunately armed with the knowledge that Billy had most certainly fingered himself before this, he almost always did. But that didn’t mean no prep wouldn’t sting. Still, you knew he’d love it.

You didn’t bother taking off his panties, just lining yourself up and pushing in without warning. He was just opening his mouth to say something, but any hope of that was ruined the second he felt your tip on the rim of his hole.

“I thiiiiiiiin-- hnng, fuck!” The words died on his tongue, thoughts interrupted by the wonderful burn of your cock invading him. “Oh shiiitttt Daddy fuckin’ -- god, I’m gonna lose on your dick! Gonna fuck me stupid.”

You grabbed his hips, fully thrusting in, earning yourself a moan and an incoherent sentence.

“Not even a minute in and you’re a whining little bitch.”

You started fucking him almost immediately, barely giving any adjustment. His arms had completely given up their support, he was now laying down on the mattress, head pressed against it. He could see the chat rolling by but couldn’t even think about reading anything.

BxllysWhore: Pls lift him up!! Wanna see that lingerie. Plus some degrading, put that slut in his place!!!

Billy hadn’t even processed the notification’s sound, too caught up in grounding himself through your vicious thrusts.

Suddenly, he felt himself lifted, back pressed against your chest. His panties rubbed his cock in the most delicious way, creating enough friction to make him moan.

“You wanna be a good little cum dump? You better thank me for even fucking you.” His eyes rolled back as you hit a particularly good spot, head falling onto your shoulders. The idea that there was a camera on him was fading out, replaced by the feeling of your hips hitting his ass.

“If you wanna cum, you better make me cum in your tight ass first, got it?”

He nodded rapidly, his sentences of agreement were complete gibberish, though you knew what he was saying.

The chat spurred you on, fucking into to him just like he wanted you to.

“Fuck, Daddy please! Please let me cum, I’ll be your good little cum dump. You can cum in me as much as you want, please just let me cum!!” He begged you, his head too clouded to pay attention to the chat in front of him.

“What do you all think?” You asked, looking over his shoulders to read the chat. It seemed fairly divided, but eventually most people agreed to let him cum.

“Looks like you got lucky, bitch.” You brought his panties down slightly, just letting the tip of his dick poke over the line of lace. “You can cum, but don’t think you’re done.”

“Thankyouthankyouuuu.” He chanted, moaning louder when two of your fingers pinched his nipple. “Fuck that’s good, gonna be your little slut, okay? You can use me like a fucking hole, just cum up my ass, Daddy.”

His begging brought you closer than you’d like to admit, but you staved off your orgasm. Billy’s, however, came barreling at him like a freight train. His cock twitched violently, sending ropes of cum all over his stomach and panties.

“Fuuuckkkk,” He muttered under his breath, likely too quiet for the stream. “Thank you Daddy,”

He remembered to thank you just in time, knowing you’d likely be upset if he didn’t. Your thrusts had stopped, though he was still very aware of your large cock in his ass.

“Fucking whore,” You scoffed, ignoring his grateful pleas. “Don’t think you’re done yet.”

[fixing-bad-posts]

I looked around and didn't see anything about this on your blog but I apologize if I missed it.

I was wondering, what does doing the work behind this blog...feel like? I guess what I'm asking is if it does anything to you. Like, I had a thought. For a flash, I imagined you as Butters from South Park in that episode where he is tasked with filtering out all the negative comments on Cartman's social media. It ended up really messing with Butters, what with him having to see all that negativity.

You're definitely not being affected to that extreme, I assume, but I wonder if you would have anything to say about the process of finding these negative posts and reading them several times to edit them. Has it exposed you to unpleasantness that you wouldn't have otherwise seen? Or is there perhaps a kind of catharsis in editing such filth?

I'm making a lot of assumptions here. Maybe I'm also asking about your process. I just think what you're doing is neat and would love to hear about your experience with it.

Thanks for reading and I hope you have plenty of reasons to feel joy <3

oh boy, i love talking about myself haha—so thank you for giving me an excuse to do so! i have answered similar questions in the past, though never at length. every once in a while, someone pops into the inbox to ask about my mental health (which, rest assured, is just fine—i don’t put this blog’s operation above anything; it’s honestly pretty low on my list of life-priorities), and it’s always quite sweet. having a mob of strangers following one’s sideblog has its perks: one being that sometimes parasociality results in some well wishes, kind thoughts, and general goodwill. which is very nice, and probably an unearned vanity-boost for my ego.

what does the work behind this blog feel like? in turns: mundane, challenging, vindicating, annoying, amusing… and probably other things that i’m forgetting. most of the work i do on this blog is actually me procrastinating! i am a certified adult with a job™, and i’m definitely guilty of slacking off at work sometimes to queue posts submissions from my inbox, which is more fun than like… proofreading financial documents and making spreadsheets. other times, i’m sitting in a café with my partner, and allegedly i’m “writing” fanfiction. but, uh, if you know any writers, you know that sometimes “writing” means, ‘looking at a blinking cursor’. so it’s in those moments that i open up tumblr and start writing image descriptions and adding tags to prep posts for my queue. that’s mainly when the blog feels mundane.

something that i think helps me avoid negative doomscroll-spirals is that i don’t actively seek out bad posts for this blog. being a citizen of the internet delivers fodder to me naturally. that, and running a semi-popular sideblog on tumblr. when i see a bad post in the wild, that’s when the feeling is annoying/challenging. challenging, because ever since starting this sideblog, hateful posts don’t feel as vicious to me. once i see them, they stop being posts and turn into word-puzzles. and i love word puzzles!

solving the word puzzle is amusing for me, as is getting to look at my resulting “blackout poem.” it makes me laugh, it stretches my brain. when i started, i used to have to read a post several times to find the ‘good post within the bad post’ so to speak. these days, i’m so used to it, i barely read the bad posts more than a handful of times. but as i was saying to my partner, one of the reasons i love found poetry (erasure poetry, and cut-up poetry) is that it uses the same part of my brain that loves scrabble (the board game). then, of course, it's vindicating to see my posts get so many notes, sometimes surpassing the original bad post. that's more of my own vanity, i'm sure.

as for the last part of your message: yes, i have plenty of reasons to feel joy. i work with people who respect me, i live walking distance from a bubble tea café, and have friends and family whom i love. i have the good fortune to be safely out as a queer person. i’m a fanbinder. i’m currently working on a long fanfiction which is getting some very nice comments on ao3. and i’ve recently decided to become a poet (like, for real).

i must admit, i’m fascinated by how you imagine me. i often wonder how i am perceived, especially because i keep many cards close to my chest here on my sideblog.

anyhow, thank you for this excuse to ramble about myself and the process of running this blog. i hope you also have plenty of reasons to feel joy 💛

[imaginarylungfish]

AUDHD 👏 GOJO 👏

I’m right there with you so, in true AuDHD style, I’m zooming into your inbox to infodump because I’m ALWAYS desperate to scream about this (shout out to @ellionwrites for patiently and compassionately listening to my unpolished rambles about a lot of this stuff in private)!

I actually have a LOT of thoughts about 236 and how it’s Gojo’s “unmasking”. That chapter is really emotional for me because of how well it articulates my personal experience of navigating the world as an autistic person. This post (and especially its tags) from right after it came out says it in a much more concise way, but Gojo’s upset pout breaks my heart because, to me, that's evidence of “no matter how much you try, people will misunderstand you” and damn… that hits a little close to home 🥲

It’s why his death had such a strong impact on me, especially when it felt like half the internet was ignoring the actual words Gojo said to claim “he never cared about that stuff, he was arrogant from the start and you just misread him". In combination with “it was the best ending for a character like Gojo" — right after we find out how deeply lonely he’s been, never able to truly connect with anyone after Geto left? Well, it was mindblowingly meta and, therefore, pretty painful to read.

I wrote an analysis of Gojo’s character in 236 and, even though I wasn’t viewing him through an autistic lens for that particular post, I think my words under the cut still read that way — that’s how baked into his character I think this stuff is! I genuinely think the two pairs of sorcerers sitting with their backs to each other is a visual representation of the double empathy problem. I'm not sure autistic and allistic people can ever arrive at a place where we fully understand each other, but that doesn’t mean autistic people have to carry all the burden and remain isolated. That’s why it’s meaningful that Gege makes it clear that all the characters care about each other, even if they don’t see eye-to-eye.

Glad to see you shouting about this reading of his character, because I haven’t seen many people talking about it. Some people are very hostile to ND headcanons, especially for characters as popular as Gojo, which is why I haven’t really talked about it much myself. However, I feel like any fellow AuDHDers who read my fic must be side-eying me constantly because I don’t think I’m subtle about how I write Gojo’s character at ALL 🤪

Maybe it’s time to be brave and publicly share my 236 AuDHD!Gojo manifesto for the five of us who are standing in a circle screaming about this! Cheering you on and sending lots of love ♥️

Ahhhhh thank you so much for this infodump!!!! I was on a AuDHD!Gojo rampage last night as my brain worm hit right as I should have been going to sleep. But such are things....

Like idk why it didn't truly hit me until now, but I can't unseen Gojo as AuDHD. (It was probably because I re-watched "Everything's Gonna be Okay" with some AuDHD representation and then I started thinking of other AuDHD characters and immediately thought of Gojo.) I did play with the idea a few months back, but it hit me with full force yesterday.

Idk like I get a little annoyed with people who think I or others like Gojo just because "he's hot" because like okay fine yes (but also I think I just have gender envy but that's a whole other can of worms). But also, no no no that's not it! My love for Gojo is more than that! He speaks to me as a character. He's misunderstood. He's seen as something he isn't. In my eyes, he's neurodivergent (and queer). And Geto was the only other person who ever saw him for who he really was.

Gojo's death was really hard on me. I remember exactly where I was when I read that chapter. And then the airport. Fuck. EmOtIOns. At first, I tried understanding Nanami's words. I really did. But really, I just didn't if I'm honest. Those words were a shock to me. Like yeah okay he's selfish (but like aren't all humans?). He also helps though! Isn't that obvious? And at the end? He wanted to have an equal to go all out with in a fight. Again, why was that bad? He was also helping! What's the issue? He's a fallible human. Like you said in your analysis, he contains multitudes. What's wrong with that?

So, like many others, I thought maybe I misread Gojo. But no. Now I think the missing piece was that Gojo is AuDHD and Nanami didn't quite get that. He didn't understand Gojo's actions. (And ahh god that lil pout. Gojo was just living his life and people saw him but they never ~saw~ him.)

I think the visual of the sorcerers back-to-back is a great metaphor for the double empathy problem. I never saw it that way, but I see it now and like it! And I think you're so right with the fact that the characters still respect and support each other even if they don't understand each other fully. I think that's a theme woven throughout the story.

Blahhh I feel like there is so much textual support for AuDHD Gojo. Like him being blindsided by Geto's defection because he didn't see Geto's decline (and don't get me started about Autistic!Geto with his strict black-and-white thinking), him just blabbing about sweets when he meets up with Megumi before fighting one-finger Sukuna at the beginning, the fact he thought revealing Yuuji to his classmates at the exchange event would be funny (cause hey, I thought it would too until it happened and I saw oh hey, it wasn't), etc. Plus, his blindfold. His overall personality. Like, it's such a heavy mask. Now I see that.

I feel like people either love Gojo or they hate him. (I immediately gobbled up your analysis and 100% agree. And I think people's reactions to his death are pretty telling.)

So, thank you for the yummy AuDHD!Gojo content. Please feel free to send me more/link me to things. I feel like I have a million more things to say but my brain is jumping all over the place and I've already spent 40 minutes this morning on this when I should have been getting ready for work. Hehe, whoops.

Gojo is AuDHD. I will die on this hill. Let's keep staring and screaming at each other about this. Sending you good vibes and love as well 🤍

[watchingtheearthrise]

saw some people claiming that cait corrain isn’t or is “barely” a reylo and while i do not think she’s representative of the fandom as a whole, that’s just wildly incorrect. she had a very popular fic called play to win that was an esports au and she used to cosplay reylo stuff all the time. you can still see it if you search her old ig handle commandercait.

Right. I had heard of that and discussed it very briefly over on Twitter/X (like maybe a half post idk, I’ve been busy with other stuff the past couple days).

It brings up some good discussion, though. I’ve seen a handful of shippers claiming that Cait “is no longer a Reylo” and all that jazz. And they’ve said this because of the drama, and not really before? (I’ve looked around a bit, her books are in lists of “Reylo authors” on Goodreads for example). But…who decides who is or isn’t part of a fandom anymore?

Starting down that trend just makes it a slippery slope: Who decides it? Who do they give that power? Will the others accept that? When does it turn from ‘overseeing’ to bullying? Will people get ‘exiled’ just because?

As we know, the internet is forever. You can’t just cut ties with things—especially someone else’s ties with fandom. They aren’t yours to cut. And, even though I’ve seen plenty of people, plenty of times, arguing that they’ve “cut off” and “kicked out” people from their fandom, said problematic people’s actions still hang onto the fandom like a shadow. I don’t think I’ve seen a fandom (and this includes anti-ship fandom) that doesn’t have at least one problematic event/person in its past.

And, yes, she isn’t the sole rep of the fandom at large. It’s unfortunate that the authors she* chose to attack got attacked, and I’m glad to see not only the Reylo fandom but book readers at large coming in to support them.

(*While evidence points to it being Cait alone, with rumors of it being a ‘friend’ of hers still swirling, I won’t settle on a 100% belief it was either of them until I hear/see proof for either case)

[smilerri]

goncharov and the homeric epics

as a classics student I honestly consider this whole goncharov thing to be a kind of breakthrough. for DECADES even CENTURIES people have been debating how the homeric epics were composed orally and I can't help but think that this is it? a community of people encounter a single piece of inspiration, in the case of goncharov a knock off label and in case of homeric society memories of a far-off war, and from it they build something beyond the imagination of any single person. with too much plot to ever fit into a 2 hour movie or two printed books, all communicated by bursts of words, art, and music.

naturally there is the issue that tumblr and the internet as a whole is far more permanent and far-reaching than forms of communication in archaic greece, but I still think that this provides us a feasible answer to the homeric question (that is, who is homer? a single man who composed two epics? a group of people? or is it an abstract term used to help us comprehend a societal phenomenon wherein oral communication and performance has permitted such epics to come into existence? (in case u can't tell I think it's the last one)). tumblr was able to creat goncharov within a matter of days because of the speed and reach if online communication. the odyssey and the iliad, however, we have no specific start and end date for. rather, the period in which they may have been composed stretches from the late 8th to early 7th centuries BCE (Before Common/Current Era) - what's to say it wasn't in the process of composition that entire time? slowly, very slowly, word would have spread from person to person, each adding their own ideas, characters, and themes, until a plot began to emerge, over the course of many, many years. then came the bards, the performers, who pieces together these floating ideas until they had something cohesive, which they then performed at festivals or privately or wherever, and then their audience would add their own ideas - to put in into modern terms, "fanfiction" and "headcanons" would make excellent equivalents.

or maybe the artwork came first. vase paintings, graffiti; anything to act as an outlet to preserve just a few of these ideas that otherwise would disappear as human memory fades. goncharov has an advantage in that way, as posts online are more accessible and, to an extent, immortal, while the spoken word is quick to dissipate and material items are perishable. for as long as tumblr survives (which it's proven itself to be very good at), those fanarts and posts will remain preserved in their original condition.

I'm no expert on all things goncharov but I checked out the masterdoc for the basic plot and one thing that stood out to me was the "debated scenes" section, because that's some thing that always bothered me about the epics. what is translated of homer is mostly drawn from manuscripts dated to around the medieval period, many many years after the epics were supposedly composed - meaning that, as oral tradition began to lose its popularity, the epics were recorded physically, and in doing so lost their flexibility. I have no doubt that there are hundreds, even thousands of different versions of the homeric epics, whether those are complete narratives - like goncharov, with it's "directors cut" and "private screening" versions - or individual scenes and stories that slot into the (arguably shaky) narrative we currently have, just like goncharov. I truly hope that, unlike this, no one tries to permanently tie goncharov down into one "correct" narrative, because what makes this phenomena so great, and what makes the oral tradition so great, is precisely it's flexibility.

there is a beauty in ambiguity, that is only emphasised by our yearning to find the "truth". for homer's epics, that ambiguity has somewhat (not entirely!) been lost as people settled with the narrative we have been given as the "true" version, but for goncharov, which has essentially been plucked from the air rather than dug up from under thousands of years of history, ambiguity is its main allure and the reason it has gained so much popularity - people saw the potential in its ambiguity, picked it up and ran with it. and, all those thousands of years ago, an ancient people very well may have done the same.

I could go on to talk about thematic similarities because it makes me laugh how society continues it's tendency towards homoeroticism to the point that, when a microcosm of a global (though primarily english-speaking) community is given the chance to create an entirely new piece of media with so little prerequisite they immediately saturate it with homoerotic subtext and, in some of the "debated scenes" they just make it fully homosexual which I respect so much you people are geniuses and the ancient greeks would be proud (also the parallels between goncharov and andery and achilles and patroclus are THERE and you bet I'm going to talk about them. just not right now lol). but unfortunately I have many essays to write on this very topic that I have been ignoring! so enjoy this rant I hope it's not entirely unintelligible!!

[fairyniceyeah]

🧭🐥Day 17: "You don't want to do that"

Struggle/Black Mail/Desperate Measures

@juneofdoom

Day 16: "At least it can't get any worse"

Summary: Felix is asked to perform a dangerous stunt and the choreographer doesn’t take a no.

CW: idol mistreatment, self-confidence issues

Whumpee: Felix

Caretaker: /

“Felix-ssi, stay behind for a moment, please”, the choreographer called as the day’s dance practice ended. “I want to discuss something with you.”

Felix nodded hesitantly and walked towards him, while the rest of the group went to gather their stuff and leave. He hadn’t really warmed up the older man, finding him very intimidating and scary. Chan, Minho and Huynjin seemed to sense his reluctance and came over to them. It was sweet if a bit (more than a bit) overbearing.

“What’s the matter?”, Chan asked pointedly, but also seemingly in a hurry. Right, he had a meeting with JYP now. 

“Channie-hyung, don’t you have that meeting?”, Felix said pointedly, not wanting to be the reason for the older to be late and get scolded for it. Chan grimaced and nodded, patting Felix on the back and leaving them with a hurried goodbye. Feix didn’t miss the worried glance he exchanged with Minho though and he felt himself flush.  

While he was the youngest of dance-racha, part of the maknae-line and everybody described him as sweet, innocent sunshine - he was not. Parts of him liked the babying and he trusted his hyungs with everything but he also wanted to be seen as somebody who wasn’t helpless, a damsel in distress. He had come far from being the scared seventeen-year-old on the survival show.

Felix did want to be treated like an adult. He’d seen the babyfication of idols on the internet and it did make him uncomfortable. Especially since he was a popular target. Sometimes his hyungs and even the two maknaes also seemed to forget that he was an adult and had seen the darkness of the industry like they had, experienced it first hand.

He couldn’t deny it felt good when his Minho-hyung slung an arm around his shoulder and Huynjin stood like a tower on his other side. But he also felt smothered and a bit embarrassed. They treated him like a helpless kid.

“Whatever you want to discuss with Felix, I’m sure it concerns all of dance-racha”, Minho said smoothly. 

“It does - in fact - not”, the choreographer said, raising his eyebrow in judgment. His eyes seemed to bore into Felix’s soul - as if mocking: Do you need your hyungs for just a talk? 

“Yeah, what’s up?”, Hyunjin asked. 

Will you let them treat you like a baby?

“Guys, please”, Felix said, pushing Minho’s arm away, “seriously. Choreographer-nim asked to speak with me. There is no reason for you to stay behind when you can go home. I’ll be there soon too.”

“Lixie”, Minho started but Felix cut him off: “Lixie will be fine, hyung.” He groaned and pushed the two towards the door. “Go home, really.”

Reluctantly the two nodded and walked away. Out of the corner of his eye, Felix saw the choreographer grin for a moment, but his focus pulled to Hyunjin who gave a tentative wave and called: “I’ll wait for you in the lobby. You promised cookies and a movie tonight.”

“Alright”, Felix said. It was true and he didn’t want to argue with Hyunjin or make him feel unappreciated.

The door closed behind the two and Felix turned to the choreographer.

“What did you want to talk about, choreographer-nim?”, he asked pleasantly. 

“I wanted to talk with you about a stunt, Felix-ssi”, the older man said, “I saw your Kingdom performance and I think you have great potential. I brought a reference video and I think you and Changbin-ssi could do it.”

“Thank you”, Felix said happily, feeling more relaxed now. “Please show me.”

Whatever Felix had expected, was not what he saw. The video looked like it was done by professional stuntmen or maybe circus dancers. He watched in awe as a dancer in a red leotard was thrown by other dancers onto the shoulders of a dancer in blue, stayed standing there for a moment and then do a back-flip down. It was impressive really and Felix sometimes wished he had that kind of talent or confidence. Impatiently he waited for the video to go on and what the choreographer would point out as his idea but the video cut off.

“I don’t understand”, Felix said, furrowing his brows and looking up. “What do you want us to do?” Surely the choreographer didn’t think they could pull that off - it looked too dangerous.

“Well, exactly that. You have great balance and you can keep standing on Changbin’s shoulder’s for your deep line, then do the backflip down. You do know how to do a back-flip, do you?”, the choreographer said, smiling.

Felix felt himself freeze. He did not and he didn’t really feel comfortable trying that kind of stunt - especially with his back issues. 

“I … I don’t know what to say”, he said clumsily, mentally cursing himself, “I don’t think we can do that?” It came out more as a question than a statement.

“No?”, the choreographer asked, raising one eyebrow. “I had expected more from you, Felix. You are Stray Kids’s dancer after all.”

Felix flushed, ashamed. It did hurt hearing that.

“Minho-hyung and Hyunjin-hyung are dancers too”, Felix stuttered, “but neither of us are stuntmen. That looks really dangerous.”

“So you don’t want to do that? Show yourself off to Stay and the world? Should I maybe tell JYP that his dancer can’t do his job? He’ll be delighted to be proven right that he eliminated you.”

It was casual how he said it, careless even. 

And it broke Felix’s whole world. He found himself trembling, hands shaking badly. The choreographer couldn’t mean that? Hadn’t Felix proven over and over again that he deserved to be in Stray Kids? Hadn’t he worked hard enough? Did people still think he should have stayed eliminated?

“No, of course not. I’m sorry. I … I was just surprised. We’ll do it, of course”, Felix stuttered out. 

“Good, I’m glad”, the choreographer said. His grin reminded Felix of a shark. “I’d hate for you to get kicked out. Again.”

“Yeah.” Felix breathed out shakily. Suddenly he wished he hadn’t sent his hyungs away. Both Minho and Hyunjin would have never allowed the choreographer to speak to him like that. It was his own fault though, that he couldn’t stand up to himself.

“Well, run along now. You don’t want Hyunjin-ssi to wait for you. I trust you don’t tell him what he spoke about? It will be a nice surprise for your hyungs to see you dare do such a daring stunt. It will bring so much attention to you and Stray Kids once you perfected it.”

“Yes, thank you”, Felix said and bowed. “Goodbye.”

“See you tomorrow, Felix.”

As Felix stumbled into the entrance hall, he nearly collided with Hyunjin who was braiding his own hair in an attempt to not be bored. 

“Are you okay, Lixie?”, he asked, wrapping his arms around Felix and holding tightly. 

“Yeah.”

Hyunjin's perspective: Day 2: "It didn't have to be this way."

Day 18: "I'm fine."

Masterlist link: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's June of Doom 2024

[divinecompass]

Hey!! Any tips on how to start out as a willogenic system? Anything is appreciated <3333

HEY!!!!

goodness it’s been a while since we’ve created a headmate but I hope East (📘) and I (⚓️) can be of some help! Wall of text under the cut!

1. get a general idea

⚓️: a concept is a good idea. You don’t need to know a whole lot, honestly. Just a vibe’ll work! Maybe create a pinterest board? Collect some adjectives. A name is optional. So is a form. They might change them later.

📘: contrary to popular belief, basing a headmate off of a character has worked fine for us. If you want to use a character as inspiration, do it. Know that we will have varying levels of connection to our sources, and may deviate from the character completely. We are people, and people change. I care little for my source.

2. pick a spot

⚓️: so our system is very direction-oriented (compass!!!!). Every headmate has a certain spot in our brain/inner-world and we always know where to look if we want to locate them.

📘: you could try to pick a spot for your headmate. Feel their presence as you work with them. I’m directly left of our host and always have been. This location gives you a chance to direct your thoughts while they are first forming.

3. talk at them. a lot

⚓️: it might be kinda weird at first but just keep directing thoughts at The Presence (tm) . Tell them about your day. Ask simple yes or no questions. Expect a response. Play word association games!! That was so fun for east and i when we were like. Bored in class or something. Just keep talking and eventually you’ll get a response. Listen for them!

“what if i’m just pretending to be my headmate?”

⚓️: you’re probably not! you have to trust that it’s them. In fact, some people deliberately do this as a technique. If you’re worried though, pretend to be them. Respond to yourself, then feel the difference when they respond to you.

another fun thing we did was pick a video game map we knew and imagined walking around it together. the possibilities are endless.

random bits of advice

- if you make progress quickly don’t downplay it!

- if you’re not making progress quickly that’s ok too. Some people are more susceptible to plurality than others 🤷 be patient.

- it’s not uncommon for more headmates to form after the first one. Your brain knows how to do it now! You are not obligated to let them stay if you don’t want to have to manage a larger system.

📘: please treat us like people. I dislike a large portion of this community that treats created headmates as some sort of project or game. We have our own autonomy and deserve to have the space to grow.

⚓️: feel free to reach out via dms or replies if you have any specific questions. also explore various guides on the internet. Experiment!!!!

[e77y]

Long but relatively unserious vent/rant below the cut (sorry I added this in bc I realized how long this post is oops)

Being at the center of some kind of internet witchhunt (which ik is kind of buzzwordy but) is literally my biggest fear ohhh my god. Even a small scale one… I think I would Die. Maybe it’s because I had a similar thing happen with my friend group in high school where one of them convinced the others I was like evil and spread all these rumors about me… 😭 He was splitting on me but still. That’s an explanation, not an excuse. And it basically confirmed all of my intrusive thoughts about myself, and my personality completely self-destructed and changed, and I haven’t interacted with any of those people the same way since. I isolated from them for MONTHS and just loathed myself. Bleh

The reason it’s on my mind is bc I’ve seen this happen to friends and mutuals and even just people I’ve followed in small fandoms, where the whole fandom hates them bc of this little drama and like. I KNOW that fandom drama is not the end of the world, but truly I think that would destroy me for months. And I would never be able to set foot in those spaces again :’) Getting a handful of rude comments about a fucking transfem hc I had at like 14 made me stop writing fanfic for YEARS 😭😭😭 sigh. Just bc they said it was ‘out of character for him to want to be a girl’ 🙄 (<- character who canonically felt confident when dressed as a woman btw. initially for a disguise but then she grew to love it. BUT I DIGRESS KNSHFJW)

All this to say I think that’s why I tiptoe around everything I say online… I am SO scared of ruffling feathers, but I know that fandoms are places for like! Having fun! And it’s not a big deal! And it doesn’t affect my real life! But like idk.. I just hate the idea of being hated by anyone. I’m sure that I ANNOY some people, and that’s whatever; I talk a lot and make overly personal posts sometimes (like this lol) but I don’t wanna be HATED yk? And idek if it’s better to be hated and ostracized publicly or resented in secret by people who still interact with you… :( Agh. If you ever have an issue with me, please DM me instead of letting it build up into something worse!

ANYWAY LIKE.. with fandom stuff. Idk. I want to have fun! I want to write and post things on Tumblr and AO3 etc but I am just very scared of peoples’ opinions, especially now that I have a decently popular/well-liked longfic in DnDads. For some reason I have convinced myself that writing bad or self-indulgent NSFW will make everyone hate me lmao. Like girl the POINT of fanfic is to be self-indulgent……….. sigh I need to get out more

^ light-hearted… but also kinda true haha. I stay at home a lot just bc I don’t have many reasons to go out atm and only a handful of close friends to go out with. Hopefully that will change when I move next semester lol. And whenever I get interests, they’re VERY strong and long-lasting, and fanfic writing is one of my main hobbies, so I get REALLY into online communities. And rn that is kind of my little niche fandom Tumblr bubble… which is embarrassing and probably unhealthy but whatever. I just inevitably get a lot of anxiety about things that are important/fun to me (bc OCD), especially bc I’ve never really had mutuals/‘friends’ in a fandom before this, excluding my irls

Anyway this got longer and more vent-y than I intended so I will tag accordingly, and sorry to whoever is reading this lol; I just wanted to get my thoughts written down in a public forum bc idk… Makes me feel less insane when ik other people can see it, too. Helps me not take it too seriously and spiral lol.

[jeweledstone]

Yet Another Spamton TF Dream I Had a Few Nights Ago (but this time I’m not the one being turned into him somehow)

I had a dream not that long ago that involved yet more Spamton TF nonsense and was actually kinda funny tbh. This one’s gonna be pretty long, mostly cause so much happened in it that’s drawing worthy and I plan to draw EVERYTHING (or at least everything important) and put it in this post. Think the kinnie avengers dream I had a while back but WORSE.

Ok, so to put in a bit of context, this dream took place when I was in high school (I still had my Spamton plushie though cause I was sleeping with him and I guess he wanted to be part of the dream too despite the time paradox). It was April Fools Day, and every year, the school would have some kinda supernatural prank/gimmick that would affect every person in the school. This year, the gimmick was that everyone was transformed into different anthropomorphic animals. Most of them were mice, but there were other animals too (Spam got turned into a woodpecker, which we both agreed was pretty cool).

It was all going like normal (or as normal as a day like this could be) until we ended up meeting this random other student who was semi-responsible for how the plot of this dream went out. Apparently she was a witch of some sort and really hated the April Fools gimmicks that happened every year, so she would always try to reverse them using this magic green ring of sorts that she always wore.

The way she was undoing this year’s gimmick was by going around finding transformed students and having them wear her ring while she said this chant/spell that would reverse the transformation. When my “turn” came to put the ring on, I made a kinda sorta joke comparing the seemingly meaningless language she said the spell in to one of those nonsense words from internet memes, only for the word/phrase I said ending up being an ACTUAL magic spell which turned whoever heard it into… well you get the idea…

(My entire sense of humor is based off dead memes, I still think skibidi bop mm dada is funny, gimme a break)

So it was upon that discovery that me and Plush!Spam decided to do a little “April Fools Day prank” on the entire school by sneaking into the principal’s office and using that loudspeaker mic thing all the schools in my district had to turn everyone else in the school at the time into a bunch of Spamton clones. Chaos ensues, naturally, and it wasn’t long before they found out I was the one who did it. (Granted I didn’t do a good job of hiding it and I was the only one left who was human) Cut to me and Plush being chased by a hoard of angry Spamtons before being caught and forced to change everyone back.

Now, in a normal 15 minute episode of the shitty anime that is my dreams, that’s where it all would end. But this dream ended up having a part 2 when I fell back to sleep. A few months after the April fools incident, we found out that not everyone who was Spamified that day was turned back. There was this one kid, I think her name was Jess or something, who was known for being not that popular and getting bullied a lot for being short. When everyone was turned into Spamton, Jess was one of the few ones who weren’t instantly horrified by their transformation. In fact, she actually liked it much better than being human, something about this new body just felt… “right”… As you could probably expect, when she(he?) heard that I was being forced to turn everyone back to normal, she ran away from the school so she wouldn’t be affected and could stay as a Spam for as long as she wanted (maybe even forever).

Cut to “present day” and Jess returns to the school, now having mutated into a monstrous Spamton Neo due to the magic that originally transformed his slowly corrupting over the time he was missing. At this point, he started attacking and devouring anyone he came across before leaving the school to destroy the rest of the town. Eventually me and the remaining students were forced to track him down and use the magic ring thingy to change him back to normal in order to prevent any further destruction.

And, yeah, that’s it. Honestly I procrastinated on making this post for a bit longer than I thought I would, sorry about that. But either way, hope you at least got a bit of enjoyment outta this shit. I gotta go work on the next page of The Hallways before I go to bed so see y’all tomorrow I guess! :)

[modelbus]

ok ok WE NEED A CUT CHAOS PART 4 BDBDVZVZ

it’s not milking it if it’s what the people ask for…. This one is a bit different! It’s headcannons style of the other cc’s finding out what happened and such :D

Part 1

Pairing(s): cc!Ranboo, cc!Tubbo, cc!Wilbur and cc!Tommy x Fem!Reader (Platonic) Head Cannons of: Cc!Phil, Cc!Dream, Cc!Niki, and The Public (fans)

Cut Chaos Part 4

Phil

“You what?!”

Is overly concerned, ends up having a long lecture over communication and talking things out.

Even after multiple reassurances that everything is fine now, he’s very disappointed in Wilbur, Tubbo, Ranboo, and Tommy.

Ends up talking to Kristen about it later, he feels bad that he didn’t realize what was going on while it was happening.

He’s constantly on the lookout that things aren’t actually okay for weeks after that, then relaxes once he realizes you were being serious about it being okay now.

”That’s never happening again, to anyone.”

”It’s nobody’s fault. Just remember to follow basic internet rules and not trust everything we see. We’re literally content creators for fucks sake!”

Is more likely to be lenient on Ranboo, Tubbo, and Tommy but is just all Dad Mode Disappointed.

Dream

You’re the one to tell him, maybe with an offhand remark about hating rumors due to what happened. He pauses and goes, “wait, what?”

Wide-eyed the entire time you explain, this man cannot believe his ears.

”They did that? Really?”

Absolutely pissed on your behalf. Skips worrying and goes straight to muttering curses with a glare.

Deadass just doesn’t believe you when you say it’s okay now.

”Are you sure? Because that’s fucked. That’s really fucked. Good for you on resolving it, but… things don’t sound fine. That doesn’t just go away, right?”

Pushes you to talk to someone about it. A therapist, an animal, someone.

”I just can’t believe…”

He’s 100% blaming Wilbur, Ranboo, Tubbo, and Tommy. All of them. And the internet, for even spreading the rumor.

Posts a vague tweet in his private about disliking rumors being spread about content creators and how harmful it is.

Likes vague tweets then unlikes them.... mr. drama over here...

Niki

When Dream told you to talk to someone about it, you go to Niki.

She gets it, having experienced firsthand how horribly internet rumors can affect your life.

Out of everyone, she blames the internet the most for it.

Although she is still very disappointed in Wilbur, Tubbo, Tommy, and Ranboo.

”I would’ve expected better from them. I’m sure they didn’t even think about how it’d hurt you. And that’s so frustrating, right?”

Comforting <3

Playing cozy games together

”I’m an open door.”

Somehow it ends with you planning a trip to go hang out with her, although you’re not quite sure how

Also end up planning a stream??

The Public

After a while, after everyone is more comfortable and doesn’t feel absolutely shitty over what happened, it’s a little bit funny.

So there’s little quips in vlogs, streams, and videos that allude to what happened.

”I’m a ghost!” “Just don’t ghost me.”

”They’re talking about rumors, I swear—“ “Rumors, huh?” “…no.”

”Why am I back in videos now? ….don’t worry about it.”

It doesn’t take long for Twitter to realize what happened. The most popular theory is the correct one, leaving mixed opinions.

Most people are advocating to let things be, no matter what happened.

Some people, the mean ones, are saying they should’ve left you out for good.

A lot of your fans are upset at them, but take the cue from you and don’t cause a huge fuss.

Either way, it ends up trending for a little bit on Twitter. It’s slightly ironic to you.

Nobody addresses it to confirm/deny what went on, although when prompted through a donation Tommy says he "fucking loves" you in "a platonic way, chat. PLA-TON-IC!"

And when the Tik Tok fans find out…

incredibly dramatic

”Chaos squad is over guys D:"

Angsty edits

[untitled-seems-appropriate]

So I was only 19…

So when I was 19.. a few days before my 20th birthday I was living in the Bahamas. Rough I know. I was teaching scuba diving at a very popular dive shop ( I’m not going to name them, we’re a non judgement place here … although they were the most awful place. So toxic) anyways, there I was 19 years old, living in the sun, teaching on the water everyday. I met joey from Nsync!! And little did I know, 7 days before my 20th birthday my entire life would change.

maybe I’ll back track a little.. if you’re interested. I’m from the smallest place ever in Canada & I got into a super cool school that taught me how to be a scuba instructor. So I packed up my hopes and dreams, cried for weeks and moved across the country. Met the best people, partied like my life depended on it and headed to my first stop on my adventure - Turks and Caicos. But that’s a story for another time. After that adventure ended.. I headed home and searched for my next stop. Oh how I wish I could have seen into the future on this one.

so long story short, I made my way to the Bahamas. Bright eyed and bushy tailed.. happily just quit my job at McDonald’s- which I might add I was terrible at.. and I set fourth on my new quest.

I guess I should at at this point I wasn’t alone.. I had a boyfriend but he’s not relevant to any parts of these stories. But I don’t want to seem that brave, because I wasn’t. Okay back to it.

so I made it to Nassau, was living on the dock, had made some friends. I was young, I was tanned - what could go wrong?

well exactly seven days before I turned 20 I was sitting in my one bedroom tiny above the dock apartment, when we heard the alarms going off after hours. We looked around and couldn’t see anything, so we called our boss who then tells us they see people had broken into the gift shop part.. they had notified the police. Then the phone lines go dead.. because the people robbing the place cut them and the Internet. Great.

now this was 15 years ago.. I had a pay as you go flip phone I bought in a grocery store in the Bahamas. I wasn’t texting for help… or making a TikTok.. our only lines of communication were gone. So we just stood there. Well, I just stood there as a cockroach crawled across my foot and my at the time boyfriend decided to go down and yell “hello” … because that was going to spook them. It didn’t. He runs back up and we stand there watching as they throw bags over the fence and then proceed to jump the fence while wearing face masks and holding machetes and huge guns.

They must have heard my heroic boyfriend because they then proceed to POINT up at my apartment where I am standing trying not to scream at them or the cockroach and they wave and say something in Jamaican & take off in a jeep.

I breathe. Like, the biggest exhale I thought I could ever exhale in my life. Tears start pouring down my face and the panic sets in. Then obviously I’m wondering is the dock dog alive? He isn’t barking? He’s like 30 years old! They wouldn’t kill the dog right? Oh yeah - my boyfriend! I grab my pack of Marbolo reds and run outside (I was 19 and living alone smoking seemed cool 15 years ago)

everyone is alive! The gift shop is not so okay, but the dog and boyfriend are okay. The police, in true Bahamian fashion, showed up almost 2 hours later. Our loving bosses never showed up - we were okay though thanks! And that ended my day of June 3rd, while I was 19.

life resumes as normal. I wake up late, throw on my bikini and eat some Nutella toast and run down the dock to see my jobs for the day & set sail out into the beautiful, crystal blue waters of Nassau. Then comes June 7th. Three whole days before I turn 20. My entire life changed. I can’t go back, I can’t change anything that happened from then until now. But I have learned. I’ve regretted. I’ve lost and gained. But looking back to my 19 year old self and this day.. my heart does nothing but ache for her. So I guess I should tell you, if you’ve stuck around this long.

so here it goes ..

So, I was only 19. And I watched an elderly woman commit suicide over a 1900 foot wall, underwater, in the Bahamas. Got blamed for neglect, investigated by numerous people, blamed by her husband infront of a boat full of people, got exiled from my actual work to work at the sister shop and lost my damn mind along the way in a fit of grief and depression.

I was only 19. 19 years old. I was a kid - just starting out in life and all of this was being thrown at me. And no one but myself was protecting me - everyone was protecting themselves. And the things I discovered along the way. All the lies and deception.

so, If I’ve still got you here and you are interested. Let me catch my breath & I’ll tell you that story. Because that’s why we’re here right?

talk soon,

me

[kundanuoyi]

220517 KUN instagram live kor-eng translation with ten and xiaojun

kun was like ten ah... what to do with you, you don't even know how to do this... kun can't hear or see ten lol he's like why is this so hard

kun is trying out filters now, and ten has joined but it seems like he's having trouble lol kun's just saying why is it so hard, i can't hear you x5 and now ten left the live lmao and ten in the comments said wait a minnnn kun said maybe because his internet is bad, it'll be bad. kun is asking us to wait. kun: i'll do this alone for now, ten is having trouble with his internet so please wait a min.kun: i've finally after a long time cut my hair! what to do... he's asking if his hair is good (t/n: so cute) comment: what is the surprise for next month (?) kun: it's a secret comment: we miss wayv kun:  we miss you too, we miss wayzenni too now kun's playing with filters. he's trying the other popular filters, and he's like why isn't ten here yet... he thinks some of the filters are weird lol but he's still like wow wow. kun: ten's still having internet problems, wait a bit please. then he's like why is the filter so weird, he's going to text ten again. kun: why isn't ten here~ x2 ten is alone so he can't solve these problems alone, the manager isn't there so he's having trouble. kun said he had food, had hamburger  *kkt tone so ig ten texted him back* he's asking us to wait more lol 

someone comment marry you? and kun was like nooo another comment: go to bed kun:why? kun: love you too~ ten is working at it hard. kun said he took pictures today so he's editing(colouring) it! (t/n: oh my god all these pictures are so good he looks so good oh my god) kun said he'll upload the pictures tomorrow! give it some time~ x3 kun: ten-ah~ come fast! why can't he do it... then i'm going to be doing this alone,,, right? comment: when do you go to bed? kun: 2hrs later, okay? comment: who took pics for you? kun: our manager! kun: ten-ah~ please come fast, we prepared this for a while.. 

comment: upload(?) kun: maybe later maybe tomorrow i don't know? kun: ah this one *necklace* it's wayv's logo! today i got/received this *he's going to show it us* he got the 3rd anniversary merch! kun is still wondering why ten isn't here yet. kun is like oh these are all the same? *necklaces* why are there two?? *confusion* he's showing us the griptok! and all the other merch like lucky cards etc (t/n: welcome to unboxing with kun) comment: the mic was blocked kun: it was? can you hear me? hello? kun: oh xiaojun? xiaojun joined the live! xiaojun asked when kun cut his hair and he was like today... *speaking chi* xiaojun: let's speak English kun: whyy? xiaojun: bc this is insta live kun: i can speak kor too my English is poor xj: your eng is poor? kun is explaining why ten isn't there xiaojun is playing with filters now lol both of them are playing with filters xj: this seems fun kun *playing with spider filter* : eeeeeeeuuuuuu kun: ten, when are you going to be here? xj: it's been a while since I've done a live with ten, i want to do one too (t/n: i see shotaro in the comments he's asking what the hyungs are doing) xiaojun left after some time. and then ten appeared kun: shotarooo? he's watching ten: is it okay now? theres a req here kun: shotaro is here too ten: is the internet fine? it's so hard kun: yes its okay ten: internet is giving a hard time so its hard kun: whats so hard ten: im so tired, you all are watching the live right

xiaojun came back! ten and xiaojun were like long time no see, xiaojun was like i miss you kun was like @>@ huh ten explaining the questions he's decided for the live to xj  ten looking for random questions to ask friends for fun lol ten: this seems funny, first impression or getting to know? xj: i need to think carefully ku: in wayv? ten: anything xj: i filmed sth with you, but i didn't know ten, i asked the manager who is that, he said it was ten he was like ooh we'll be in a team? ten: xj said he knew me bc of my nose(?) (t/n: im so confused here) kun: huh xj: your nose is pretty ten: you only know me from my nose rather than any other feature kun: when were rookies, (???) he wore a lot of hats. everything was red xj: i dont have a red pair of pants kun: he had all colours of clothes ten was like it was cool and we were wearing things that (lagging) ten: *talking about debut* kun popping??? kun: not that kun: while practicing say it ten: before debuting, we were practicing say it and we had to pop it like the body but kun popped his eyes lmao - his eyes widened. they practising until dawn and xj was like its been a while we should that soon. kun was like ten come back soon. kun asked what other questions are there xj: when you come to Korea (talking over each other) both kun and xj are wearing the 3rd anniversary necklace. kun is showing them his tea set! ten (lagging)  he's talking about the tea string thing. ten asked whats new with xj and xj was like same old same old ten didn't understand so he said it in Korean ten: i have nothing new too, wait no these days, i meditate. xj: thats why you aren't back yet? come back fast ten and kun just giggle lmao ten: it's okay now we have to work hard? kun: what else is there ten: idk, im thinking of other questions to ask. kun said he didn't realise ten prepared questions this hard lol  ten suggested this or that! ten just realised kun cut his hair kun was like oiiiii oiiii you realised ten was like yeah kun was like its been a while since I've cut my hair this short, xj was like so handsome. xj said they have had english classes and asked if he's taken the test kun said yeah he did but both ten and xj have never seen it lmao ten said bc the two are practising eng he's practicing japanese~

ten was like what should i say? xj: we are preparing our comeback, so please look forward to it *ten struggling* kun: shotaro is here ask him lol ten: ah this is hard i don't know that much yet kun: konichiwa kun desu (everyone talking over each other)  *ten figures it out and is questioning his knowledge again* ten: anyway. kun: yeah its hard ten: I'll try to follow to you xj: i wish you have a good night ten: no no from Korean kun: okay just goodnight *goodnight in jpn* said by ten and xj and kun was like oooh xiaojun 

xj: which is you favourite wayv song ten: do you want to fight x3 xj: how do i know? you said you were working hard kun: you said you were working hard but you can't do it ten: nooo kun, xj: do what you want~ *ten on the side figuring out what he needs to say* kun: this is so funny. *ten figures it out and asks them* xj: how do i know *kun uses google translate* ten and xj no no i! kun: ohh you?? *says it from the translation, in confusion* ten: eh?

ten is like i'll do well. *kun still on google translate* kun: idk ten: i need to start learning languages again and free talking kun: yeah while learning languages you need to talk a lot. 

ten: im watching anime~ xj: waiting for yuta (lagging) kun: i saw the teaser(for dream?? for yuta's movie??) (they're talking over each other this is @>@) xiaojun is going bc he gotta go shower *ten asks it in japanese* but asks if he needs to sleep kun: these days xj has been sleeping early ten: see you later (to xj) 

kun: what did you prepare? ten: these days i've been talking to shotaro! ten seems to have been doing freetalk in Japanese with shotaro. kun: yeah it helps if you talk a lot ten: I'm working hard at Korean and mandarin

kun: you're good, you've improved since before ten: i need to do more kun: i need to get better at eng too~ usually you and yangyang are the ones who speak but my mom was like you should be able to do it too(?) kun said he understands English but can't speak. ten understands that

kun: where do you want to go the most? not work but on vacation? ten: see louis leon hh hmm vacation? wayv tour?? kun: ofc we have to do that ten: rn no vacation, wayv tour kun: doing think about work, think about vacation but when on tour you can travel

ten: *says in jpn* kun: i can't understand *me too kun* ten said he wanted to go to daegu(?) or jeju i couldn't hear that well, or Australia or new Zealand. kun said he too wants to go to new Zealand and Indonesia and places like that

ten: wbu? kun: i already said it ten: when? kun: wherever theres sea, anywhere when its hot! tens been putting the ac too low so he's like ah its cold lol but got used to it 

kun was like where do i start learning (english? idk) kun said he's been learning how to sky dive ten: yeah that's right kun: if i learn sky diving, if i get the licence i can do it abroad too ten: wayv concert you can fly from the sky haha ten hasn't eaten so he has to eat, kun asked if he ordered food, and ten has ordered~ kun: hello? ten:hello? lets do this later kun: yeah when ur internet is better ten: yeah when the internet is better! kun: the wifi is (??) ten: im on roaming (both of them are saying bye) kun is also going to go T^T  this is his 3rd live kun: goodnight~ i'll also go ~ bye~ see you later~

- end - 

youtube subs incase this was confusing: https://youtu.be/z52NxKjH6V4 i just copied all my tweet thread into this

[rainbow-unicornosaur]

Maybe I need to go to bed (I definitely need to go to bed) but I have some feelings to rant about first

Cut for me having weird thoughts about Japan vacations

I feel kind of sour lately about seemingly everyone going on vacation to Japan. I have a lot of complicated feelings about it. One, I’m envious, of course. I want to go to Japan. I went once in 2006 and I would absolutely love to go back. I’m kinda irrationally grumpy that people have the money to go when I don’t. And maybe it’s because I watched One vlog but now I’m getting so many Japan vlogs recommended to me about peoples’ ~crazy~ Japan trips and from the thumbnails they seem very samey and it’s kind of annoying to me.

And a large part of me wants to gatekeep Japan. Like “no, that’s my thing!!” Anime seems so much more popular nowadays than when I was a teen. (I seem like such an old person saying that.) Back then it was harder to get ahold of. I torrented so many sketchy subbed animes and bought chinese knockoff dvds off of ebay (or, to be honest, had my dad buy them for me djdjsjs). Now with better internet, streaming, etc. etc. anime, manga, and other Japanese media seems more popular than ever. Idk what it’s like to be a teenage weeb nowadays but when I was in high school it was Not Cool. But like plenty of popular streamers, youtubers, etc talk about watching anime and stuff so it seems way more accepted. I mean most weebs are probably not going to be the most popular kids in school but still.

But anyway my point with that is like… a lot of people seem to want to go to Japan to live their ultimate anime dream vacation. Or to experience other things that they’ve seen in movies/on youtube/etc. Which I get! Japan has a lot of fun pop culture!! I want to experience those things too! But also Japan has a history and a culture that is way, way older than anime. And I worry that people won’t see that or respect that? There’s so much more to Japan. So much more outside of Tokyo. And of course vacations are expensive and I don’t expect anyone to be able to like, tour the country. But… blah idk exactly what I’m trying to get at here.

I think that a part of me worries that when I do eventually make it to Japan, I’ll be seen as just another foreigner who is there to do the stereotypical White Person Japan Trip. And I can’t help standing out as a foreigner in Japan or help what other people think of me (as much as I wish I could). But as someone who has studied the language and learned a lot about Japanese culture and history outside of its media and pop culture (but also including that stuff), I want to somehow give off the vibe that I’m ~not one of those girls*~. I’m different. I’m special. But also I’m just another white person wanting to go to Japan. Am I really so different? And also, people wanting to live their dream anime vacation are just as valid. And also people go to Japan for more than just anime reasons. Ugh. I feel like kind of a bad and mean person sometimes for looking down on people a bit who I deem as more of a nerd or weebier than me. When a lot of the reason why I feel that way is because I tried so hard to distance myself from my weeby, nerdy past self. At some point I decided that it was a bad way for me to be, and that people wouldn’t like me if I liked anime/manga/etc, so I buried that part of me deep down. Not deep enough to quash it completely, but deep enough that I can hardly enjoy anime (outside of the few that I watched as a kid, because that falls into nostalgia more than anything else) without telling myself that it’s for kids, it’s not worth my time, etc. etc. I can’t let myself enjoy anything!! I can’t even be happy for people going on vacation!!! Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!

Anyway wow that got deep at the end. None of this made any sense probably. Bottom line is i hate other people having fun and i want to be special but i’m not special and i’m just a miserable little freak. It’s almost 1:30 am and i am going to bed

[upismediacenter]

LITERARY: Youthtube

*click* *Subtitles/CC turned on*

Host: Hi guys! Welcome back to my channel! It’s 2023 and for the past few years, we have lived with the COVID-19 pandemic. We couldn’t help but reminisce about our childhood when our lives were easy and simple. Today, I’m joined by a friend to look back on our childhood nostalgia!

Friend: Hi everyone! I’m excited to be a part of today’s video! My friend and I will be showing a couple of things that will dig up some old memories. Try not to become sentimental hahaha.

Host: Oh, I'm sure you'll get emotional. Maybe I will too.

Friend: I bet you’ll even tear up a bit.

Host: I won’t! So, without further ado, let’s get started!

Host: When we were kids, we loved toys! Didn’t you? We have toys that we pay more attention to, than others. Mine were Bratz and Barbie dolls. There were different kinds that came in different looks and outfits.

Each day was another day, another slay for these dolls. We also did roleplay one way or another, right? Perhaps with dollhouses or toy kitchens? I bet you wanted a mini kitchen with a sink or a toy cash register that made beeping noises! They went perfectly with some props we found lying around. One example was our use of baby powder and leaves or flower petals that we would cut into pieces to look like food. As for me, I would go to Youtube and follow a tutorial on how to make my miniature props. It was so much fun!

Friend: So that’s where you got your creativity.

Host: You’re absolutely right! You know me too well.

Friend: Of course, I do! On the other hand, action figures like Transformers, Gundam, and superheroes like Spiderman and Hulk, were my thing! Almost every character had a mini version of themselves as action figures. I think action figures are so popular because they allow us to picture ourselves as our favorite characters while we play.

Host: I remember the way you’d beg me to play Hulk and you as Spiderman.

Friend: And I would always beat you hahaha.

Host: You’d always beat me because I didn’t know a thing about superheroes, neither was I interested in them! Anyway, some toys were made for battle like Bakugan and Beyblade. You can buy arenas to play them on, but most kids would just play them on the ground.

Friend: I envy those kids who had arenas. They got to feel the whole experience! Playing them on the ground was still a lot of fun, but the Beyblades didn’t always collide! It also took ages to find it if you didn’t see where it went. To this day, I wish I had an arena.

Host: Awww, poor you! Bawi nalang next life hehehe.

Friend: Please don’t make fun of my childhood hardships… :(

Host: :o

Friend: I’m just kidding! Anyway, last but not the least, the toys that challenged our creativity as kids like Play-Doh, erasable doodle boards, and Lego bricks.

Host: The possibilities are endless with these types of toys! Did you have that set where you can make different foods out of Play-Doh? Or maybe those Lego kits where you can build different types of structures?

Friend: Oh, I remember that I used to have a Lego kit for creating a gas station! However, I was unable to finish it because I lost some of the parts…

Host: This is why, my dear viewers, you should always be organized with your things! Moving on…

Host: Games were a huge part of our childhood. There were video, outdoor, and board games. Let’s first start with video games. Back then, there were several game websites on the internet like Y8.com and Friv.com. I know you were also on these websites all day! They provided us with numerous games that we sometimes play on our own or with friends in multiplayer mode. Papa’s Burgeria, Fireboy and Watergirl, Bartender: The Right Mix, and Cooking Mama, were some games that I bet you played too. If you know, you know.

Friend: I remember those games! And how you didn’t want to play with me. :(

Host: Well, I had homework to do, ever heard of that?

Friend: Haha, very funny.

Host: Anyhow, if we didn’t have internet, we would play games on the Game Boy, PlayStation Portable or PSP, and many more consoles. We would beg our parents to buy us disks of the games we were interested in.

Friend: Oh, the lengths we’d go to just to get them to buy us the stuff we want! I was willing to do anything— even the chores that weren’t mine, just for that Pokemon disk.

Host: I know right??? And some games we played on Game Boy including what you just mentioned, Pokemon and Super Mario. While Tekken and The Sims can be played on the PSP.

Friend: But if we couldn’t play on the computer or the video game consoles, we'd instead play on our family tablet, iPad, or even our parents' phone. Some of my favorite games here were Plants vs. Zombies, Angry Birds, Temple Run, Fruit Ninja, and Flappy Bird! I was so addicted to these games that my parents had to hide the gadgets from me!

Host: And that’s a perfect example of why you shouldn’t play too many games, kids! But when we get tired of the screen or we get frustrated because we keep losing our games, we would go and play outdoor games instead. Some of the most popular ones were hopscotch, tag, and hide-and-seek. I remember that time we played tag and someone pushed you a little too hard. You cried like a baby!

Friend: Of course, I cried! It hurt so much! Maybe 10 times more than the time I had to get my flu shots!

Host: Just admit that you’re a crybaby.

Friend: No, I’m not! Anyway, as Filipino kids, we also enjoyed traditional games like Luksong baka, Ice ice water, and Chinese garter. We used to play these with our neighbors or with our classmates during break or after school. Hey, remember that time you tripped on a rock while playing Ice Ice Water? You should’ve seen your face! I swear, it was the same face you made when you found out that Taylor Swift and Harry Styles broke up!

Host: Maybe it was because you were the first person I saw after tripping. You were so ugly, I almost wanted to cry hahaha! Crazy to think I still carry the scars I got from all those games!

Friend: I think our scars are a great reminder of our childhoods. It brought back memories of the time we had spent as kids playing with our friends! As long as we were having fun while playing, it didn't matter whether we got hurt. Despite the amount of times we cried, at the end of the day each scar was just a happy little accident!

Host: I 100% agree with you! And regardless, if we’re not in the mood to play the games that we mentioned, we would play board games. Some popular 2000s board games were Monopoly, Jenga, Snakes and Ladders, and Dominoes. I would always beat my friend in these games. I guess I’m the brainier of the two of us!

Friend: Hey, that’s not true. To all the viewers out there, please do not believe what this person is saying. Let’s just move on to the next…

Friend: Our last nostalgia for today is cartoons. Back when we were kids, we would start our day by watching cartoons, and we would even end the day the same way. If you had TV cables like Sky or Cignal, there were specific channels just for cartoons.

Host: If you didn’t have cable, you would just watch what was being shown on your TV channels, even though some were dubbed.

Friend: The only downside of watching cartoons on TV channels is you have to wait for the cartoon show to come up! Some are on the TV only in the morning or every other day. Unlike in TV cables, channels like Cartoon Network, Disney, and Nickelodeon show cartoons almost 24/7!

Host: So true! Also, I don't know if it was just me but as a kid, I didn’t pay much attention to the dialogue in cartoons, I didn’t even take the time to understand what the characters were saying. Were you also like that?

Friend: I knew I wasn’t the only one!

Host: Right??? Still, just watching it somehow gave us an idea of the story or what it is about. As long as we found the animation satisfying and the cartoon funny or cool, it was an instant favorite. Some of my favorites were The Powerpuff Girls, Courage the Cowardly Dog, The Fairly OddParents, and The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy.

Friend: My personal favorites were Looney Tunes, Jimmy Neutron, and Chowder. I really enjoyed it when classes would get canceled and I would spend the rest of my day watching cartoons. I was living the life!

Host: We were living life!

Friend: And we still are!

Host: These were just some of the things from our childhood that I hope will remind us of our innocent and carefree days. Reflecting on our memories is a good thing, but doing so with a friend is much better. We shared moments of laughter, craziness, and tears, as well as giving and receiving support from them. What's stopping us from doing the same with them now if we've done it before?

Friend: When we are feeling down, it is always helpful to reflect on our memories. It brings us comfort and motivates us to be kind to ourselves, that we once had this beautiful innocence. It can help us achieve the dreams we once thought were impossible to reach, no matter how silly they may be.

Host: So that’s it for today’s video! If you like this video, you can give it a like and then comment down below your childhood nostalgia.

Friend: If you want more videos like this, don’t forget to click the subscribe button down below and the notification bell so you would get notified every time my friend posts a new video.

Host and friend: Thank you so much!