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#maybe IM the one who needs therapy
propertyofkylar · 8 months
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You could write something along the lines of. "I was only using you." while PC could be like "I know." For Whitney
For Kylar PC could be like "There is no us, there never was."
You asked for ideas I decided to deliver angst.
been thinking about this one FOR A WEEK
anyway. i hate you I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK U THANK U
find ur angst below
i was only using you - whitney
He was being more aggressive than usual that day, and he knew it.
But he couldn't help himself. He had seen you sitting close to that loner freak, giggling and bumping your head against his, and Whitney had felt a weird anger growing inside of him. He had never felt like that before.
So, he pulled you away, knowing you couldn't say no to him. Then, he took you into a bathroom stall and fucked the absolute shit out of you.
It was rougher than usual, and he tried to not care about the way your sobs were a mixture of pleasure and pain.
And when he came with a low moan, he pulled away from you as quickly as he could, avoiding your eyes as he buttoned his shirt back up.
"Fuck off, slut," he mumbled, trying to ignore the warm feeling that bloomed in his chest when he saw you.
But you didn't move. And when you whispered "I don't understand you," he felt the anger take over again.
"Don't get all emotional about it," he spat, finally looking you in the eyes. "I was only using you."
There was a flash of sadness in your face, but you looked to the ground too quickly for Whitney to know if he actually saw it. "I know," you whispered again, and shoved your way out of the bathroom.
Whitney cursed and kicked the stall door. Somehow, he felt even worse than before.
there is no us - kylar
It had been a long week, and you were fucking exhausted. Trying to survive in this town was hard enough and now that you had decided to help Robin out with his debt, things had only gotten worse. Not that you regretted helping him out - you were always there for him and you couldn't stand to see him sobbing and beaten up anymore.
But heading to school after a long night at the brothel where you had been passed around by pretty much everyone there was far from your favorite thing in the world.
You groaned as you walked through the halls, feeling the bruises that were barely hidden by your uniform ache with every step. Life had taken its toll on you lately, and skipping another day surely would have had you flunking your classes. So you kept trying.
"H-hi," you heard a small voice from behind you and you seized up. Fucking great. This was the last thing you needed right now.
You kept walking, but Kylar caught up and was by your side in an instant. "M-my love? Is something wrong?"
"Mm," was your reply. Maybe if you didn't engage him, he would leave you alone. But this was Kylar, so obviously that wouldn't happen.
"Nobody's been giving you trouble, I hope," he said. You ignored him.
He reached out to grab your arm, but you yanked it away. He stumbled backwards, surprised.
"Can't you just fuck off?" you snapped. Kylar's eyes widened in surprise, and tears started to well up.
"B-but...we--" you cut him off.
"There is no 'we.' There is no 'us.' There never was!" you spat as he trembled. "Now fucking leave me alone. I am so fucking sick of you."
A stormy look passed over his face and he momentarily reached towards his pocket, but he stopped himself. "O-okay," he mumbled. His head stayed focused on his feet as he scurried off.
You groaned again, knowing that your outburst had probably made things worse in the long run, but feeling too shitty overall to care.
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kohakhearts · 17 days
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ive definitely said this before but i think there's this common (and understandable!!) misconception that goh is canonically a victim of bullying and tbh i thought the same thing when jn was still airing lol but now that i have gone back and obsessively rewatched every episode a million times i think it's a lot more interesting to consider what the anime shows us, which is...not a kid who is bullied, but a kid who simply has no friends. and it doesn't seem to be a matter of, like, other kids not liking him. even in the very first episode, we see chloe's classmates asking her about him. it's a very casual "oh yeah, he never really comes to school, does he?" like they don't even really think about him that much. but they say his name respectfully, and just seem mildly curious about it. not really like...mocking or anything like that.
i mean, his whole "i don't need friends" attitude when they're younger could stem from bullying. that's completely possible. but the anime never really goes out of its way to make us think that? like...his disengagement in the flashback in the drizzile evolution episode emphasizes that he's refusing to play with his classmates - and that he doesn't even know why. if he were being bullied by them...wouldn't he have been able to at least articulate that he doesn't like them or that they don't treat him well or that they're just no fun to play with? like i won't say that some bullied kids aren't really unwilling to talk about the experience of being bullied...but in hindsight, they usually have a solid idea of what was going on.
in goh's case, i think he's just like...maintaining what he knows, which is the experience of being isolated and alone. he takes control of that feeling by saying he doesn't need - or even want - friends. he's still doing that when he tells ash that he "accepts" him as his friend, as opposed to just...being like, nice to meet you :) and moving on. he needs to be the one who has that say (and in this respect, his whole w-well would you maybe...consider being MY friend too...?? in jn003 is actually kind of...sweet? and indicative of the change that ash has already begun to motivate in him! doubly so considering ash's response is "wait but weren't we friends already?" bc ash is someone who like...doesn't need that verbalization, and doesn't consider friendships as things you "give" and "take" or whatever. they just are!!!).
ANYWAY, all this to say like. i see where the idea comes from, because he does have those little "you're just like everybody else" lines and whatever, and like...his whole thing with horace - his awkwardness in social interactions, like this. overcompensation for something, this need to prove how Smart and Impressive he is (and his fear of being seen as stupid, like in the horace ep when he's like "oh haha...well...you tell me what you know about celebi first. obviously i know this stuff already. i'm just testing you" when he obviously doesn't know it). but to me that's like...a projection, if anything. he's so determined not to acknowledge that his parents' absence has made him lonely, has affected him in any way, that he twists himself into believing the reason he doesn't get along with others isn't because he's too used to being alone to deal with having friends...it's because they're not worth his time, or they're not good enough for him, or they're just going to hurt him anyway. something something pokemon journeys if goh had learned some dbt techniques
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moeblob · 2 months
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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pierregaslays · 17 days
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:(
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Feeling very violent rn so here's a very controversial opinion:
Everything after season one of Young Justice sucked.
Look, I know I'm obsessed with the show but that doesn't mean it's good, it means that I'm too deep into it at this point to get out. There are good moments within the other seasons but in general? They were not good.
I'm sorry. I understand that they wanted to be creative and have a neat narrative and deep lore and all that. And they do! The narrative and lore is extremely deep.
But the plot? The characters??
Season one was an actual functional show that balanced character development, plot and dialogue with world building, lore and messaging.
The other seasons do not do that.
Season two bounced back and forth between like 16 characters. We got some development for some characters but even that was minimal compared to the character development in S1. And this isn't me complaining that the og group wasn't in S2 enough. That's not my issue. I would've loved to focus on a new group and I think that Jaime, Bart, Ed and Gar would've been super cool to focus on. I loved what character development they did have and I craved more.
But the problem? The problem is when you have 16 fucking characters that you are trying to develop and shove into a coherent plot and have actual meaningful scenes. There just wasn't enough focus on S2. Imo, S2 was meh because the characters got left by the wayside. The plot, dialogue, world building, lore and messaging was fine, there just seemed to be a lack of heart/warmth in the show because of the characters. It's hard to get invested.
Then holy shit. S3 introduced more characters. And the plot got more contrived and 'big picture' to the point that it started to abstract. It felt like nothing mattered. There were no stakes, you were just watching things happen. There was 50 fucking things happening an episode and 80% of it was lore/world building. It felt like I was studying for a fictional history exam.
I'm pretty sure the main character in S3 was earth 16. Just the entire universe. Because goddamn. We checked in on almost every living being and EVERYTHING was a plot point. Most of it wasn't even relevant to anything happening in the season. Man it was.... it was bad.
And at that point it just wasn't enjoyable at all to watch. I probably should've stopped watching but at that point the sunk cost fallacy had already kicked in. I knew it could be good. Maybe it could be good again. And people were constantly praising it as cinematic genius so I was like 'okay well maybe I'm missing the point? Maybe you aren't supposed to enjoy shows? Maybe this is fine?'
But season four broke me.
The creators heard that people were frustrated by the lack of character focus and the episodes following 72 characters and the episodes switching between 50 different subplots every episode and their solution? Their solution was to take allllllll the different unconnected plots and, instead of evenly spreading them throughout the season, jam them all into 'arcs'. So you had a bunch of mini seasons consisting of 3-5 episodes dedicated to a cast of ~5-8 characters (some of them new). And each of these episodes had unconnected a plots, b plots and c plots.
THAT IS NOT A SOLUTION
Holy shit that is not a solution.
Not to mention the overarching plot of the season, in which we had no fucking clue what was happening until the final episodes where everything became a speedrun to wrap everything up. We literally had no idea what the main plot was until it was ending.
Good god it was bad. It's bad writing!
I know people liked it and good for them. You should like what you like and you don't have to justify it. But for me it was insanity. I'm sorry I actually don't want a season long subplot where Beast Boy is depressed and sleeps all day. I would be cool with it if it had anything to do with the larger story but, surprisingly, spending five minutes watching Beast Boy sleep every episode didn't make for compelling storytelling.
I'm still not over how we didn't even know who the main villain was until the end of the season. And then all of a sudden he does a villain monologue to tell everyone his evil plan and his motives. Super cool actually. I love it when I have no idea what the stakes are for the majority of a show. It's incredibly good storytelling when you leave the audience in the dark about a major player in the plot for all of the plot. And then doing an info dump evil monologue in the final episodes to rush through the explanation??? Fucking fantastic and not a sign of terrible pacing at all.
I'm just so frustrated. The show isn't about being a show anymore. The show is an entire cinematic universe shoved into 20 something episodes. It's desperate to tell every single story at once, audience, pacing and good writing be damned.
I'm so tired of the constant praising of Greg. His whole 'i don't write endings because life doesn't have endings' and 'i don't write cliffhangers, I just leave things open ended' thing is pretentious bullshit. I'm tired of pretending it's not. A good story has an ending. Stories are not life! Some of the best shows I've ever watched had planned endings. And oh my god. The cliffhanger thing... that's just semantics my guy. Greg you write cliffhangers. You can insist they aren't but I'm going to call a spade a spade.
It's also.... I'm fine with explaining things, in fact I love it because it's an excuse to talk about the stuff I love, and I have a fairly decent knowledge of comic book lore. So, I could not only understand what was happening in the show but I was also super enthusiastic about explaining it to people. But hey Greg? Hey buddy? If 90% of your audience doesn't know what the fuck is going on and needs to be familiar with super specific obscure comic characters from the 70's then you might have a problem.
I think I realized halfway through s4 that the most enjoyment I got from an episode was when an obscure comic character would cameo in it. But then I realized that a) they generally weren't explained at all and b) 50% of the time they weren't just hanging out in the background and they were vital to the plot. So to understand who the fuck they were and what the fuck was happening you had to be familiar with... well all of DC comics actually.
Anyway this rant is getting long and unhinged and I don't think there's a point so I'm going to cut myself off even though I have so much more to say on the topic. I think my general point is just that I didn't enjoy watching the later seasons and it's chill if you did and we should all respect each other's opinions ✌️
#rant#oh also the messaging sucked#the messages itself were fine. like 'you should go to therapy if you are depressed' and 'respect people's religions' and#'figuring out your gender/sexual identity is chill af'#those are great messages. the content is great and i don't disagree#BUT HOLY FUCK#yo Zatara ranting about his religion to Fate for 15 minutes is not how you get a message across#messages are supposed to be like themes and subtle points of the narrative#it's not supposed to be a fucking psa where the characters just talk for half the episode and say the message verbatim to the audience#itd be like if in season one M'gann stood up and spent ten minutes talking about the damaging psychological effects of body image issues#and everyone else just sat there and nothing happened and M'gann just kinda spoke about it#or if Artemis was just like 'im going to do a presentation on why child abuse is bad'#its just. thats not. thats not how messages in a plot work#but they didn't develop the characters enough. so instead of s1 where the messages were blatantly obvious#we just had side character zatara who we know nothing about talk about religion like he was doing a PSA for kindergartners#because we don't know his character and he had zero focus so that was literally the only way to get the message across#and im sorry but that's bad writing. if you are sacrificing character plot and narrative for a message then maybe scrap the message#or you know actually have a developed character do the message. like write the message through a developed character so it doesn't#need to be spoonfed to the audience like we're five year olds learning different shapes from a teacher
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my-beloved-lakes · 9 months
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I see a lot of people I knew from school posting pictures on their social medias with all their friends doing various fun things together. Meanwhile, I'm sitting at home wishing I could take a group photo with all my Tumblr mutuals to post so I can brag about having the best friends.
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man. thinking about how my insurance is out of network i feel so fucked i have so much money owed in therapy bills. literally over 1k bc of my weird insurance happenings and also bc idk if insurance was even doing its thing before i dont know and just other various things im sure i've forgotten. man.
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I LOVED PLAN B! ITS MY FAVORITE AU SERIES
Thank you so much! I always forget I put my Tumblr at the bottom so people can check it out if they want but yeah plan b is me :). I'm literally so ecstatic that people like it
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very-uncorrect · 7 days
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I'm gonna die one day oh my god holy shit fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck there's no afterlife oh holy shit fuck help oh my god no no no no no
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girl-bateman · 10 days
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Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍
#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all#literally my soul is gone or something#i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed#which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually.#ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better#alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off#like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot#like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy#moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously#but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends#i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help#idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho#like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me !#so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback#kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk#it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore#but who knows 🤷‍♀️#there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol#that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown#like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way#and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever#and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality#plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good#but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you#but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !
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pepprs · 1 year
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hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.
#purrs#the premises of counseling / therapy are that you need to have boundaries and be self sufficient and fully healed. FUCK THAT! relationships#are not transactions. we are allowed to need each other. we are allowed to blur lines. we are human and messy. our thoughts and feelings are#PRECIOUS. im not letting go of my thoughts they mean EVERYTHING to me they are the key to the WORLD. im not letting go of redacted why on#EARTH would i stop redacteding to redacted that is HELPFUL for me. i don’t CARE about the roots. who the fuck is it hurting????? NO ONE!!!!!#the way he flat out told me he agrees with my mom. bitch im done forever. im done literaly forever. i don’t know how to tell him but im done#forever. maybe it’s just my id which is what he said to me LMFAO and like maybe i just don’t like being uncomfortable or facing hard truths.#but i don’t fucking think it’s TRUE!!!!!!!!!! yeah i need to grow yeah i have unhealthy behaviors. but i don’t need to let go of the whole#THING bc of some arbitrary transactional concept of what relationships are supposed to be / mean. ive NEVER had a counselor try to uproot th#the whole damn thing like omg what is WRONG with you. i#im paying this man $25 a week to UNDERSTAND me and not ONCE have i felt understood by him. counselors can disagree with me but i literally#never feel like he is on my side. he’s adhering to conventional ideas about what parents are supposed to be and friends are supposed to be a#and work is supposed to be etc etc. and so patronizingly said just enjoy being 23 you don’t wanna waste your 20s! FUCK YOU. i will not#regret anything even if it’s unusual. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!#and also i know he probably watches back thru the recordings and has like his supervisor and professors watch them too which means that#there is a whole team of scientists + my family studying me in a lab and thinking im insane and finding ways to tell me. but fucking bold of#him to assume he can give me any meaningful valuable insight when he is actively checking his laptop / phone during our sessions and rarely#if eve gives me a chance to drive MY OWN CONVERSATION THAT IM PAYING FOR and is so phony abt being on the recording. like Omg. maybe im just#grown out of it. it fucking SUCKS bc i actually have things i am not normal about and really need help with and i can’t actually get help fr#from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effective#effectively told him that and he responded that he can’t take that credibly bc there’s no action behind it BY WHICH HE MEANS I HAVENT#STOPPED REDACTEDING TO ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REDACTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE? THAT I HAVENT DECIDED IM DONE LEARNING SND GROWING AND CUT IT#OFF?????? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. INSANE. the ANTITHESIS of human. we are MEANT TO BE CONNECTED. FUCK!!!!!!!!!#delete later#my old counselors challenged me and disagreed with me b it i never felt like they flat out were unwilling to meet me where i am and#compromise with me. is that not what counselors are supposed to do???? or have i just had bad counselors until now??? because im NORMAL. i#swear to fucking god. im normal. im literally normal and it is not doing ANYONE harm. what is wrong with you. GOD
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izzy-b-hands · 13 days
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finally broke into one of my new syringes (still have some old ones, but figured hey i should try them for this shot)
Tw for bitching abt medical shit/my injs below the cut
and i just. why is my doc intentionally making this harder. I ask for 3ml syringes bc it's what im used to and know how to draw up. She agreed to that, so i never checked my new ones bc why should i? she listened, she sent in for 3mls, right?
NOPE. fucking 1 ml which means figuring out the draw up has required online searching to make sure it's right, and bonus! everything I've found doesn't recommend it for T bc it's such a slow inj to begin with, and 'many feel it takes longer to inject in smaller syringes designed mainly for IV use, which lessens compliance with injection schedules in some'
And i hate how it looks. it looks like so much more, and i know that's stupid bc it isn't, it's the same amount as usual, but the sight of it is v much involved in me getting my injs done with my fear of needles. I know, again, I KNOW planned parenthood is dealing with not enough funding, hands on staff, etc, but does that really prevent you from listening to your patient and trying to help them with shit like this? bc i don't think it should. I'm still forever grateful they've been helping me keep my T going until I find a primary care doc, but at the same time...what the fuck? I said this would be an issue, and i need to stay with my usual supplies. If that was an issue for them, i was willing to buy syringes myself from the medical gear shop I've used for extra supplies before (that will ship out here, I've checked.) Why won't she just fucking. listen, and talk to me? if all she could do was 1 ml syringes, fine, BUT FUCKING TELL ME THAT BEFORE SO I CAN JUST BUY MY OWN
Like. I will get this done. ill use these crap syringes up bc I refuse to waste them.
But now I'm overly nervous and worried im gonna fuck it up with the new syringe, or that it will hurt more or take even longer to inject than usual, so my hands are too shaky to do it! im already a day late with it, and I'd bet ten bucks I wont be able to calm myself enough to do it until tomorrow. Yes, this is also autism bs of needing things the same but like. I've had to do a lot of adjusting since last year, and have made efforts to accept changes and sporadic things. it's been hard as fuck, but I've fucking done it. so why can't i have one fucking thing like this stay the same? just my inj supplies, that's it! I'll accept and deal with other changes but for fuck's sake, she KNOWS I'm nervous abt fucking up my injections (bc i always want them to go well so i get as much med in me as i can, with minimal tracking out after it), why the fuck wouldn't she at least tell me if she was limited in syringes/what she can rx?
Why don't docs listen when i talk, and why won't they just talk and be honest with me like a fucking adult. is that honestly so fucking difficult?
Apparently so 🙃
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cetoddle · 11 months
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i have a dr appointment in two hours and i scheduled a therapy app for monday and i have an interview friday
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chaoticbathwater · 7 months
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stressed out of my mind because a guy i know is transphobic and very misinformed on the topic and ive been trying my very best to explain things to him but its not been very effective so far and he keeps talking to trans kids and shit and in an effort to "help" them he straight up recommends conversion therapy and other things like that, and making those people extremely uncomfortable!! and because ive talked to him multiple times i feel like its my responsibility to get him to stop doing that somehow but ive literally no idea what to do!!!!! what the hell man!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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the-devils-keeper · 8 months
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.
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mugiwara--ya · 1 year
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oh btw guess who just got
✨ Medicated ✨
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