#maybe don’t romcom if you’re not gonna romcom

[vacationship]

About Sunflowers & Keats

Check it out, has everyone else gotten this already? Am I just way off/going down a rabbit hole?

I didn’t get the Keats reference before. I rewatched the ep and remembered I had meant to go back and try to understand that line on the bus, when Ted says, is that Keats? after Rebecca says her phone is at the bottom of the canal. She says nope but then Beard nods his head at Ted and Ted’s got this what really no? look on his face. I didn’t understand it but at the time Beard’s nod felt like a parallel to Boatguy saying “yes we did” after a Rebecca left, hinting that they fell for each other or whatever, or the creepy “yes we had sex” which the writers wanted to have crossed our minds. I had wondered if Beard was also implying, yes she seems to have had sex, because she was acting so giddy and relaxed (gawd just writing all this out really shows how badly men can write women! more women writers please!!)… or possibly yes she’s high (because Beard would know).

THEN I figured out the Keats thing. Keats had it engraved on his gravestone “Here lies one who’s name was writ on water” because he imagined he’d be forgotten/washed away after his death. So Beard’s nod was actually a direct answer to Ted’s actual yet metaphorical question, was that Keats? Because that’s a thing between Ted and Beard—references, puns, as well as verifying the correct answer with each other. And you know how Ted mostly looks to Beard for answers. Ted’s real question is, have you forgotten me? His name/his 12 texts and 3 gifs washed away at the bottom of the canal. We all knew he was crushing on her a bit in this episode, lost without her. But the fact that he imagines himself as Keats imagines himself, washed away and forgotten. Oh Teddy! Rebecca answers nope but Beard nods yes—no clarity there, lol, except that Rebecca is maybe just oblivious in the moment to Ted’s weird jokes and Beard is actually picking up on Ted’s feelings.

The fact that Beard in the scene is literally the embodiment or representation of lightening (his costume) would suggest that he not only senses Ted has indeed been forgotten by Rebecca but also that she’s been struck by lightning…with Boatguy. Ugh!! They obviously didn’t really complete the whole predictions thing—it’s left hanging. Boatguy is more gezellig/a little sunshine than lightening, but this scene does seem to link the prediction of lightening to Boatguy, but also continues to link the predictions to Ted! Ted’s messages reaching out to her are lost in the water, the same water Rebecca was drenched in, upside down but safe. The same water Boatguy’s phone was thrown into. Ted is shown in contrast to every other guy, in one way or another in Rebecca’s separate (and mostly unknown to Ted) storyline/quest for her soulmate as foreshadowed by the predictions (saving more on that for another ramble, but just to say Ted himself is a little bit physic and the physic is wearing army green.)

Sad to make this connection about Keats because it suggests that in Rebecca’s quest Ted has now been washed away and Boatguy is the lightening. Beard’s nod is that something big has happened with Rebecca. But I do find it interesting that Ted would even imagine himself washed away—that’s quite a poetic metaphor of unrequited/unresolved feeling for your platonic bestie! Also interesting that Beard would implicitly understand that Ted’s got those kind of feelings for Rebecca, and he’s letting Ted know what he senses going on.

Rebecca will never forget Ted, so her nope warms my heart a little within the context of how she later fought for him to stay.

I don’t know, still just trying to understand what these writers were doing. Was it not that deep? Did they just throw in massive parallels and lots of romantic/poetic allusions and references for the heck of it? To make it cute and genre-bending? Sports show meets rom-com. Different characters get bits and pieces of the rom-com but none of them really get the whole thing? They’re all just completing each other’s stories? Rebecca and Ted are a double act? Their stories parallel and mirror each other and that’s it? All of the parallels and call backs is just meant to show how connected all the characters became, one big happy family under the guidance of Ted? (And Dr. Sharon I will add!!! What if we had more of her…)

Was his messages washing away in the river another Ted was just there to help others and leave his mark thing? Foreshadowing that he would leave Mary Poppins style? And yet be remembered afterall, just as Keats is as well-known a poet as it gets, beyond his wildest imagination. Ted is a larger than life character, that’s for sure. (A Keats gravestone reference also links to how Rebecca’s mom seems to think it will feel for Rebecca that Ted has died when he leaves.)

Sigh. Just so sad this King didn’t get with his Queen. Maybe still? But I’ve lost hope, and at the same time it’s fun to dive deep into this and live in the story a little longer.

[guav]

Hiii!!! Can I request a girlfriend Rindou reader, where Tenjiku doesn't even know he has a girlfriend like Ran doesn't even know, and so she meets Tenjiku, and she can fight really really good and she's like PRETTY PRETTY and like how...? Did RINDOU EVEN GET HER? And she stars to catch other members eyes ;)

ᥫ᭡ for haitani rindou and tenjiku, WAREHOUSE ROMCOM.

in which you insist on meeting your boyfriend's current gang and fuck, you definitely just knocked out one of their captains.

𔘓 it's my first time writing for some of these guys so i'm sorry if they're ooc D: you used she/her and mentioned girlfriend so i'll be using those for this fic :] around 3.1k words of chaos.

“rin, how come i’ve never met any of your friends?” 

the timing doesn’t allow for a deep conversation. rindou’s too busy messing with his laptop, one earbud immersing him in whatever program was running. meanwhile, a catalog resting on your lap took half your attention.

as expected, the question is around the fifth priority in rindou’s head. “buncha smelly thugs, you wouldn’t like ‘em.”

“and you’re not in that demographic?” you idly munch on some snacks you scavenged from his pantry. 

“no, i’m not.” rindou scoffs like you just spat on his entire bloodline. “i’m your handsome boyfriend who you love very, very much.”

oh, this sweater has a really nice discount. “what about your brother? i've never seen him either, i’m starting to think you’re actually an only child.”

he’s gonna pretend like his comment going ignored didn’t sting a little. 

“you should be grateful, once you meet ran you’ll be cursed with a killer headache for the rest of your life.”

somehow it doesn’t seem as bad, nor does it deter you in the slightest. whine all he wants, rindou loves his brother. he knows it, and so do you.

“rinnie.” a vein could very well pop out his head at the dumb nickname. “are you embarrassed of me?”

(you know rindou would kiss the floor you walk on. still? good leverage).

his typing halts, left earbud joining the right to hang around his neck. a thousand times of the same coercion tactics should have prepared him better. should have. be as it may, rindou’s heartbeat stops for a minute.

you’re the one good thing he’s got going on, why would he ne embarrassed of you? no, never, he loves you too much.

not like he’d willingly admit to it, though. “a little” his typing resumes, this time a little more attentive to the situation. safety measures and all that.

seems he’s not budging. the playful banter turns into a bitter taste in your mouth. “rude.”

rindou doesn’t like your sudden silence. it cuts at his facade like the dullest of knives—painfully slow.

he can’t win against you. if there's one more thing he hates more than sweaty gym equipment is getting on your bad side.

“i’m not embarrassed, you’re just too pretty for them.” it’s not a lie.

“flattery won’t save you from sleeping on the couch.”

he’s in his own home, it's his couch and bed. “if i take you to meet them once,” rindou emphasizes the word, “will you be pleased?”

you would, “a little.”

works for him.

rindou groans like the sore loser he is, yet hands you an earbud. “whatever, don’t come cryin’  when you realize they're actually lame."

secretly, he prays you don't like them better than him.

"they're your friends—or gang, i'm guessing—i would never think bad of them."

aren't you just a godsend? rindou breathes a chuckle, pressing play. whatever wrinkles remained on his face washed away when you bobbed your head to his mix. he forgives you for being a pain in his ass.

everything’s fair in love and war; you came and conquered with ease. as implicit as he fights to keep it, rindou's a big softie for you.

you lean over to kiss his temple, maybe you’ll buy that sweater you saw for this special occasion.

just this once, punctuality would be the death of you.

the only street light a couple meters away flickers every two minutes, you’ve got no service, and the run-down warehouse you’re leaning on is the shadiest spot rindou’s asked you to meet at. seriously, what’s his issue?

“little late for someone like you to be out alone, isn’t it?” couldn’t have said it better, voice you've never heard before.

..wait.

with a gulp, you turn to meet whoever was talking to you. it’s not the least comforting when you have to look up to see his face. tall, weird eyebrows, and overall menacing.

for once in your goddamn life, think!

“yeah—i mean, it must suck to be alone in the dead of night.” you laugh nervously, as if to quell the goosebumps rising in your arms. “not me though, nope.”

mochi squints his eyes. you can’t be serious, right? there’s no one else in the entire block. “‘s that so?”

one gulp to hush your anxiety. “yup, my boyfriend’s waiting for me, if i don’t show he’ll come looking,” great, now you’re shaking. 

he’s not gonna buy it. this is the end, death by two hands the size of your head. truly tragic.

“only a shitty boyfriend would leave you all alone like this,” he huffs. it’s true, part of him wants to wait and chew out whoever this man is. 

safe to say, you have to agree. rindou is a dead man as soon as he shows his face, and it won’t be at the hands of this monster of a guy.

blame it on your current hyperfocus on every little thing (something’s gotta make up for your obvious lack of fight or flight) you can’t help but notice he’s wearing all red—is that a gang uniform?

funny how hope goes out as quick as that.

rindou’s uniform is most definitely not red. the fight bound to unleash is already brewing inside your mind, you’re not even sure if rindou can take a hit from this guy. if he ever gets here, only one of these two would walk away. 

you have to act, fast.

“it’s not safe, what’s a thing like you gonna do if—”

he makes the mistake of looking into your eyes. they’re wide, like a deer caught in headlights; innocent.

mochizuki’s second mistake is not noticing the right hook you swing.

the light flickers again, and one of tenjiku’s heavenly kings falls unconscious.

it goes without saying you fucking panic.

“i didn't mean to—shit!” you’re kneeling beside his body, checking for pulse. of course there's still a pulse, there’s no way you could actually kill a guy like that. “i’m so, so sorry.”

he didn’t even try to hurt you. are you the monster here? 

initially, you were worried rindou would be the one to start a fight if he saw you cornered by the guy. never would you have thought the culprit would be none other than yourself.

quickly, your sweater becomes a makeshift pillow—the least you could do for knocking the living daylights out of him. though you do cringe when the brand-new fabric soaks up all the dirt on the ground.

it’s okay, surely once he wakes again you can explain you didn’t mean to hit him. you were aiming for… a fly? a mosquito? those can carry deadly diseases. sure, let’s go with that.

kakucho doesn’t know what he just walked into.

there’s a stranger kneeling beside mochi whispering in a fret to herself, something about the last recorded case of dengue fever in japan. right, he was also unconscious.

soon, you notice him too. particularly his red uniform.

there’s a brief pause in which you just stare at each other.

come to think of it, you’d probably kick the bucket in these clothes, and you wouldn’t mind. dying with these on would be something you can live with—or die, rather? idioms are dumb. point is, you picked a really nice outfit for your supposed date with rindou. 

rindou haitani, who somehow managed to be late enough to miss you picking a fight with another gang member.

the silence is deadly. 

“you’re… his friend, right?” cautiously, you’re the one to break it. “i figured he'd appreciate a pillow to enjoy his nap.”

so why was his cheek painted a raging red? god, that’s a nasty bruise.

kakucho blinks twice. then, he looks around, trying to discern any other lifeform in close vicinity. any possible culprit. anything to explain what the fuck is going on.

“are you alone?” the question is courtesy, he already knows the answer. 

“no.” maybe he didn’t know after all.

he narrows his eyes, and you rush to fix whatever mistake you made. “my boyfriend—and friends, so many friends, are waiting on me. they’ll know if i don’t show up.”

you’re nervous. kakucho steps closer, and you’re quick to jump on your feet. “you’re right, i should probably go—”

“did you do this?”

“do what?”

as if it wasn’t obvious, he waves his arm at his fallen friend. “this.”

it’s been a long night. you’re frustrated, terrified out of your goddamn mind, and you can’t help the panic tears that start to form.

“i’m so sorry!” you bow, trying to hold back from outright sobbing in front of the delinquent. “he—i was alone, and he came around and-and started talking to me and i just, i got scared!”

kakucho blinks, again. 

“i didn’t mean to hurt him, i’m sure he’s a great guy, i was just jumpy, and fuck i didn't mean to cause any trouble.”

tears run down your cheeks, mourning both your sweater as a breeze rolls by and your wasted last moments of youth. great, you’re making it awkward. 

sometimes instincts take over, and kakucho is unsure why he’s shrugging off his tenjiku coat. neither does he have an answer as to why he reached to drape it over your shoulders.

“c’mon, just breathe.”

you do. you take a deep, deep breath, and your problems start to lessen. not actually though, the other gang member is still very much on the ground. however, it's nice not feeling in immediate danger anymore.

kakucho settles down next to mochi, and pats the ground next to him. “sit.”

last thing he tasked you ended up helping, so you decide to listen once more. a respectable distance away from him, you sit.

he’s not sure where to start. there’s so many questions he needs the answer to.

(how did you take out mochi? how did you know the exact warehouse where the higher-ups were meeting tonight?)

but he keeps quiet. 

either way, any explanations coming from you would be interrupted by hiccuping, and he didn’t want to risk any more crying from you.

“am i in trouble?”

the answer should be obvious. kakucho knows you’re aware of the mess you’re in now. still, there must be something missing. “i can count with one hand the people who’ve been able to take mochi out.”

so that’s his name. your gaze lands on him, peacefully resting. it’s a nice name. 

“so i need you to be honest,” kakucho tries his best to speak gently. “did you do this?”

he takes in a sharp breath when you nod.

“...how?”

the strained chuckle that leaves your lips makes his heart skip a beat or two. “i just, y’know, hit him.”

“but, how?” the mere thought is baffling to him.

“i can show you if you want.” you bite back. it’s playful. now you can cross-out befriending a random delinquent from your bucket list.

“never thought i’d see kakucho flirting.” a new voice enters the array. “didn’t know he had it in him.”

white hair flows freely, unfazed by the unresponsive commander beside the two. his presence exudes commands without diction. explain, now.

kakucho’s posture stiffens, and he’s quick to get back on his feet. “i arrived and mochi was knocked out, seemingly by,” he pauses to look at you. “uh, what’s your name?”

you match his movements, standing up and completely ignoring his question. “i’m really sorry about that, i didn’t know he was—”

izana interrupts the meaningless spiel, “your name, what is it?"

shivers crawl up your spine. a phantom would be more merciful with the frighten. so you answer his question.

and just like that, poor mochi is forgotten. "i like your name, it's nice on the ears."

you know better than to grimace at the compliment (was it really?) "i should get going, i don't want to be in your hair any longer."

izana follows your every movement with violet eyes. not a word is uttered, just a plastered, quite unsettling smile on his face as acknowledgment. 

right, your idiot boyfriend. one quick glance at the no signal on your phone serves as a reminder you're stranded.

a jingle brings you back to reality. it's izana, tilting his head. "what's wrong?"

well, you're certain all trains back home stopped doing rounds about half an hour ago, and there’s no way you can catch a ride from either of these two.

(the guy with the scar would probably do it, he seems kind. the urge to squish his cheeks like a grandma would is intense.)

"actually," an awkward laugh makes up for the nerves rattling within. "i.. can't leave, not yet."

his patience is wearing thin, you presume. "is that so?"

from behind you, kakucho shifts. would they even go for a one on two? when you're the one wearing heels?

"i told kakucho—" you glance back to confirm you remembered his name correctly, biting back a smile when he looks surprised. "—i was waiting for my friends and boyfriend, specifically at this exact, dirty warehouse." 

izana doesn't look satisfied. 

"half of that was a lie, it's just my boyfriend i'm supposed to meet." this doesn't seem to be getting any better. 

he's thinking about something.

"i know i shouldn't have lied, but it's basic street smarts! can't blame me for that." 

he steps closer, seemingly having resolved whatever idea was brewing in his head.

you're close to going on another rant on street safety, or maybe going for another swing, but izana makes you stop dead in your tracks. "do you wanna be kakucho's girlfriend?"

smelly thugs was cutting it short, this guy was bizarre as fuck.

kakucho is grateful you don’t have eyes on the back of your head. tenjiku’s number two, overwhelmed with a barrage of embarrassment and murderous tendencies for his one and only king.

(was he that obvious? were his fleeting glances that easy to notice?)

izana on the other hand had only just begun his career as a salesman. “kakucho here is a great guy—the definition of a gentleman and a picture-perfect servant.” 

odd way of selling someone for a boyfriend. you’d have a few pointers and even additions to his pitch, except you literally have a boyfriend, and you’ve told him so.

you check for the hour. maybe you’ll consider his proposal if kakucho isn’t horrid with meeting on time. “go on.”

two heavenly kings have yet to show their faces, another is knocked out, and the last is close to digging himself an early grave.

“so you’ll date kakucho then?”

has he heard a single word you’ve spoken? “i have a boyfriend.”

“it’s a yes or no question, preferably yes or yes.”

it’s better if you ignore the vague implication of a threat behind his statement. “rain check?”

that seems to please him. “i’m izana,” he offers his hand for a handshake. “pleasure doing business with you.”

“cool.” you’re absolutely sure he’s missing a screw in his head, but it’s funny. 

“too late to join the roster?” to absolutely no one’s surprise, it’s a new voice joining this sick joke of a night. you’re amazed at the fact four men have managed to show up unannounced to your date, and none are the one you're actually going out with.

izana turns to meet the new addition, eyebrow raising at the fact it’s only half the duo. 

“he’s finding a spot to park, sent me to check on that one over there.” one hand points to you, the other toys with a dual-colored braid. 

he’s clad in a black uniform—just like rindou’s. everything's even more confusing now, hurray you!

kakucho, who’s more than grateful to leave the past conversation behind, begins to process the situation. “you know ran?”

“ran?” puzzle pieces are slowly coming together. “as in haitani? ran haitani?”

the man himself lets out a low whistle. “sorry man, only been here for at least half a minute and i’m already takin' the spotlight—nothing personal.”

that’s not how you meant it at all. “no-”

“kakucho gave her his jacket.” izana you are not helping. 

“that has nothing to do with this.” kakucho pleads to everything under the sun for his boss to just, shut up. just this once.

“ran, where’s ri-”

“see? already reeling back to me, i think i've got more game than you.” rindou was right, he’s a living headache. 

izana tugs at your blouse. “you already said yes on kakucho, no take backs.”

“that never happened.” kakucho, angel on earth, everyone.

something boils from within. "i have a boyfriend."

“you’re too pretty for him.” he blurts without an ounce of hesitation in his body. it’s amusing how ran said the same thing as rindou—they really are family. still, no. does he even know you're dating his brother? 

the situation is getting out of hand, your patience is being tested, and you just want to go home at this point. 

at this rate you’re sending ran home with half his braids in your fist, izana is getting his arm put in a cast if he utters another word, and kakucho is getting his jacket back and a pat on the head.

there are a few reasons you’re dating rindou haitani. among the perks lies the telepathic bond you two have—whatever you think, rindou is already doing. which is exactly why ran is suddenly getting his braid damn near ripped out by gloved hands.

“wanna say that again?” rindou holds the hair tightly in a fist, he’s fuming. “c'mon, don’t pussy out now.”

the three of you gawk at the scene. kakucho and you in shock, izana in awe. the man of the hour arrived, and everything took a turn for the worse.

the youngest haitani has always followed his older brother like a best friend and inspiration. it’s a relationship based on respect for the other and no one else. sure, they have disagreements, but rindou admires no one more than ran. 

the haitani brothers, joined at the hip by crime and blood, now tearing each other apart in the pettiest of ways.

ran, tallest, oldest, arguably strongest, hisses in pain by the harsh tugging. “why dontcha rip it out while y’re fucking at it? whatever got into you?”

izana pokes a finger into your side for the second time. “you know rindou?”

your eyes are glued on the brothers. ran keeps whining, rindou is professing his undying and very much ongoing love for you. “yeah, we’re dating.”

a pause. a long one at that. 

“...why?” he sounds puzzled.

rindou screams insults at ran and soon drags his hair-stylist through the mud too, for some reason. “what do you mean by that?”

izana blinks at you like the answer is obvious. “is he like, forcing you or something?”

“what?”

kakucho, who’s been silently witnessing the convo fights to stifle his laughter. it’s of no use, not when you’re throwing his jacket back at his face to shush him. it’s a strong throw, sending him backwards a step or two.

izana thinks you’re funny, too. “you are too pretty for him.”

⠀⠀⠀⠀navi.⠀＆⠀m.list.⠀＆⠀send me an ask!

[devildomditzy]

Finally, some peace and quiet after such a chaotic day! You practically leap out of your RAD uniform and into some pajamas as the night begins to fall, crashing face first onto your plush bed. It’s warm, with the fuzzy comforter the twins gifted you, and soft, with the various stuffed creatures given to you by the brothers and angels alike. You snuggle in further, allowing the dark tendrils of sleep creep in, beginning to drift off after such a long-

*thunk*

After such a long, agonizing da-

*thunk*

A-After such a long, agoni-

*thunk*

Ignore it and it will go away-

*thunk*

Nope, you’re not moving from this spo-

*thunk*

Ugh.

You knew you shouldn’t have shown him that cheesy romcom from your home realm.

Sighing, you stand up slowly, wiping the sleep from your eyes and making your way over to the room’s large ornate window. Honestly, you should have known he was up to something when he wasn’t attached to your hip on the way home.

Pulling back the curtains, you see Mammon, small stone in hand winding up to take another pot shot at your window. Upon realizing you’ve finally stirred, his face elates, letting the rock in his hand fall to the ground as his eyes shine with anticipation. He’s almost like a puppy, excited to grab your attention.

You pick up the large golden hook from its resting place and lift up, allowing the window panes to be pushed open and outwardly towards the source of your annoyance.

“Yo!”, he smiles widely, self assured that his plan was working.

“What are you doing?”, you question back, wanting to get to the point of this charade and get back to your pillowy slumber.

“What’s it look like I’m doin’! I’m bein’ romantic!”

You snort at his comment. Seems like he’s not gonna beat around the bush this time.

“Uh huh, so you decided to throw rocks at my window…for romance?”

“Nah, that part ‘s just to get yer attention! Now c’mon, we’re sneakin out!”

You give him a quick once over then look back down to yourself, already in your night clothes and ready to pass, quiet frankly, the fuck out.

“You expect me to sneak out looking like this?”

“Course not! But how was I supposed to know you were goin’ to bed already like some loser!”

You feign a hurt expression, bringing a hand up to your chest, “So you’re trying to convince me to sneak out with you by calling me a loser? Well, so much for romance!”, you say, turning up your nose and beginning to close the window back.

“Oi! Hey! No! Don’t ya dare close that window on me!”

“Oh yeah? Or what? You gonna come throw rocks at my door instead? Prrrretty sure Lucifer would loooove that!”

“Argh- Alright! I’m sorry for callin ya a loser, ‘kay? Now would ya please get ready to go? Car’s runnin’ an’ our reservation’s at si-”

He seems to kick himself mentally for letting that last part slip.

“Oh? Reservations you say? Maybe you do know how to be romantic after all~”, you tease as his face gradually turns redder.

“That part…was ‘ppose to be a surprise”, he sighs, cursing himself under his breathe.

You giggle at his flustered state. He could be so cute without realizing it, and the fact that he had put so much effort into this surprise had your heart reeling enough to shake off the rest of your drowsiness.

“Alright, I’m coming. Just, gimme a few minutes to get changed?”, you smile softly at his nervous mannerisms as he runs his hand through his hair for the umpteenth time.

“Make it quick, or I’m leavin’ without ya!”, he bites back with a smirk, confidence seeming to return to him.

You can’t hold back the laugh that comes out at that statement. “Oh please, we both know you wouldn’t dare.”

“An’ we both know you wouldn’t have any fun without me!”

You give a lighthearted scoff and turn back to shut the window.

“O-Oi, what’d ya doin?”, he questions, worry beginning to settle on his face.

“Well you can’t watch me get changed pervert!”, you laugh as the comment makes his stuttering worse.

He quickly glances away from you, finding himself unable to maintain eye contact any longer.

“M-meet me round back in five, got it?!”, he calls out to you before sprinting out of view, presumably to where he’d backed his car out to. “Ya damn nuisance!”

Time spent with Mammon may not be the most relaxing, usually involving you running from Lucifer, or Casino security, or both, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world.

[rebouks]

Matilda: I can’t believe you talked me into this. Mia: C’mon, would it be so terrible to bump into Triss? Matilda: Horrendous. Mia: Psh, you want to see him-.. besides, I need a tan and a fling with a hot Tartosan goddess. Matilda: And Ivan? Mia: Ivan just needs a damn break. [Matilda folded her arms in silent protest, though still nodded in agreement] Mia: You’ve could’ve bloody replied, couldn’t you? Chatted, maybe gotten his number, an email-.. but noooo, you’ve gotta be stubborn n’ make me drag you across the ocean like we’re in some shitty romcom. Matilda: So, you agree it’s gonna be shitty? Mia: Ough-.. if it all goes to shit at least we’ll be on holiday; don’t be scared. Matilda: I’m not scared. Mia: Uh-huh, sure. I brought plenty of factor fifty and there’s a barf bag right there just in case, don’t worry. Matilda: God, you’re annoying. Mia: Yeah, but you love me-.. pot kettle black anyway, bitch! … Pixie: Why isn’t daddy coming? Ivan: Well.. he’s got some stuff t’do, remember? [Pixie shrugged absently, fiddling with Ivan’s sunglasses] Ivan: Y’remember what we talked about, right? [Pixie nodded reluctantly as Ivan poked her cheek] Ivan: It might just be me n’ you for a while, you okay wi’ that? Pixie: I guess-.. Judie too? Ivan: Aye, on weekends. Pixie: Okay…

Previous // Next

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ok so like objectively yes ed did things wrong but not only do i personally feel no negative emotions about any of that, i swear it would make more sense tonally with the rest of the show to NOT make a huge chunk of s2 be about ed facing the consequences for and redeeming himself from the marooning/pushing lucius overboard/izzy toe thing. like if im wrong i’m wrong and it’s whatever but i really really think the focus will be more on ed’s internal emotional state and how his choices were informed by trauma and how he’s going to learn to heal more than it’s gonna be like, Ed Learns It’s Wrong To Maroon People And Force Feed People Their Own Toes. like if anything i think it’ll be Ed Learns That He Deserves To Be Happy And He Also Realizes That Marooning People And Force Feeding People Their Own Toes Is An Unhealthy Coping Skill That Negatively Affects His Mental Health And He Learns New, Healthier Coping Strategies. like i think the focus of coming out of the kraken era is going to be almost entirely on ed’s feelings, and any mention of how his actions harmed the rest of the cast will be brief and/or it’ll primarily be played for comedy

which yes irl this would kinda suck to have some guy respond to getting his heart broken (and other stuff) by killing and maiming people and then have his whole journey of self-discovery be solely abt him and not any of the people he’s hurt. HOWEVER a biiiiiig part of the humor of the show is that the characters are experiencing some very real and very relatable self-esteem issues and insecurities and vulnerabilities, and all of that is placed on a backdrop of comedically gratuitous pirate violence. like this is a romcom and ed is basically going through the classic emotional beats of the romcom heroine getting her heart broken and eating a whole tub of ice cream and crying in her room for days before becoming cold and distant and “love is dead” edgy, only the joke is that bc he’s a pirate his “love is dead” romcom era includes some people actually literally dying. izzy and the crew all just happen to be in the blast radius for this joke, and while we as fans might love and care abt those characters too, the plain fact is that ed and stede are the main characters and the other characters’s feelings or storylines or internal motivations simply do not matter nearly as much to the show as theirs (with the exception of maybe jim, and also maybe olu depending on how s2 goes). and that’s literally just how romcoms work. this sort of “protagonist bias” is like, a core part of this kind of story.

and there’s nothing wrong with not vibing with the story because of that. if season two comes and goes and you aren’t happy with how the show handled the consequences of ed’s actions in e10 that’s fine, nobody has to feel any specific way about this show. but if i’m right and this is how s2 plays out and some of y’all don’t like this, the problem is not that ofmd is bad. the problem is just that this is not the story you wanted or expected to be told.

i DO think, tho, that there’s something very powerful abt a character like this being a queer indigenous man. he’s a gay romcom protagonist and narratively speaking his feelings trump all. this is a queer romcom that uses gratuitous slapstick violence as a punchline and where the queer main characters are allowed to get violent and unhinged about their feelings, and at the end of the day they ultimately get a pass bc it’s a gay romcom and the show is about them. like literally that description itself is more than i could’ve ever dreamed of from any tv show ever, and THEN you’re telling me that one of the main characters is indigenous???? it’s been a year and a half and s2 is right around the corner and i swear to god i still can’t believe this show actually exists. we don’t GET shows like this, we don’t GET characters like this. ed teach is such a fucking blessing of a character and i love him with all my heart.

[apothe-roses]

12 Days of Smuff

Day 7: Sharing a Drink & Toys

Modern!Aegon Targaryen x Reader

Word Count: 631

Warnings: Dub con (Aegon does not get explicit consent before initiating), degrading, overstim, use of a vibrator

Prompt created by @madmax8603. Dividers by @cafekitsune and @mykento

Disclaimer: this is a work of fanfiction. I do not own the right to the character of Aegon II Targaryen.

It was supposed to be a quiet night. Just you, a bottle of wine, and some shitty Christmas romcom. Things take an abrupt turn when Aegon storms into your apartment, startling you. He clumsily toes off his shoes, stalks over to the couch, and flops down next to you.

“Another successful family dinner I take it?” you ask.

Aegon snorts. “Father mistook me for Helaena. Twice.” He snatches your wine glass, taking a long sip.

You snatch your glass back. “Get your own,” you tease.

“I mean, I know we’re all blonde, but Helaena wears her hair longer than mine!” he continues. “Also, the glasses are all the way in the kitchen.” The last part comes out as a whine. You roll your eyes.

Aegon sags into the cushions. “Which one is this?” He asks, nodding to the movie playing.

“Does it matter? They’re all basically the same,” you answer, refilling your glass.

“True,” he laughs.

You two fall into a comfortable silence, taking turns sipping wine. You feel Aegon’s eyes on you.

“I’m not fucking you again,” you say without looking at him.

“I wasn’t gonna ask you to fuck me!” He retorted.

“Please, I know that look,” you scoff.

“When was the last time you fucked anyone anyways?” he wondered.

“That’s none of your business,” you reply. “Besides, my vibe does the job perfectly fine.”

“Just fine?” Aegon raises a brow.

“It gets me off! At least I’m guaranteed to finish,” you grumble into your wine glass. Aegon stares at you for a moment, eyes narrowed in thought. Then, he gets up and leaves without another word. You watch him go, then turn back to the movie. You hear him shuffling around in your room, but he walks back in before you can get up and confront him about it. He’s holding your vibrator in his fist.

“How do you know-,” you start.

“Top drawer nightstand. Not exactly original,” Aegon interrupts, retaking his seat on the couch.

“What are you doing?” you ask.

“You said you prefer your little toy, so I’m giving you what you want.”

Before you can protest, Aegon turns on the vibrator and presses it against you over your clothes. Your rebuttal turns into a moan as he rubs circles into your clit.

“This what you want?” he growls, turning the speed up. You let your legs fall open, head lolling back.

“No? Maybe is should stop then,” he threatens.

“Wait, don’t!” you whine, grabbing his wrist. He gives you a wry smile.

“That’s more like it.”

He removes the vibrator long enough to roughly drag your bottoms down your legs. His grin widens when he sees the wet spot on your panties.

“You know, I think you may be right. I mean look at how easy it was to get you all nice and wet. Fucking slut,” he spits. That only serves to turn you on more. He presses the head of your toy hard against your clit, Turing it up to the highest speed.

“Come on, come for me like the desperate little white you are,” he rumbles, moving the toy in circles.

Your peak washes over you all to quickly. Your back arches off the sofa and your eyes roll back, a loud moan escaping your lips.

Aegon helps you ride through your orgasm. You think he’s going to stop when you start to twitch from overstimulation, but he intensities his ministrations instead. Your moans become more high pitched, and a tear escapes your eye.

“Aeg. Too much,” you shakily force out.

“Aw, but you’re so cute like this,” he coos. “Such a pretty little crier.” You love it and hate it at the same time.

“H-how many m-more?” you stammer.

“Oh, until the battery dies,” he hums, with a devilish smirk.

[queen-haq]

Fic: Grudgingly Yours (Part 6)

Fic: Grudgingly Yours (Part 6)

Summary: You are a general surgeon, working in a hospital that’s slowly sucking the life out of you when one day you’re given the offer of a lifetime.

A.K.A  - An arranged marriage fic :)

Pairing: Billy Russo x You

Rating: R

Masterlist (contains links to my other stories and this one)

PART 6

You were sitting at your desk in the home office you made for yourself, focused on projections for the urgent care when a knock on the door interrupted your focus. Billy walked in with his usual arrogant gait, his gaze locked on you.

“You look busy,” he drawled, coming over to where you were sitting. Standing beside you, he leaned back on the desk, casually flipping through the excel printouts you’d been reviewing.

“I am busy.” You grabbed the sheets from his hand and placed them back on the desk. “What do you want?”

“What’s all this stuff?”

“Work.”

“Didn’t you cash me in as a golden ticket? Thought that meant you never had to work again.”

“I used you to quit the hospital, not my entire career.”

“Could’ve just switched jobs instead of dragging me into your mess.”

“Then I’d be working for another soul-sucking board of assholes.” You sighed with resignation. There was so much to be done and it felt like time was running out. Part of the reason you’d agreed to Alistair’s plans wasn’t just for financial gain, but also to have access to his wealthy contacts who could be of use when it came to permits and donations. Unfortunately Alistair was still mad and you were drowning in bureaucratic red tape. “At this rate, that’ll happen anyway.”

“What are you trying to get done?”

“Like you give a shit.”

“I don’t. I’m just killing time.” He cocked his eyebrow. “So tell me.”

Sitting back in your chair, you cast a wary glance at the task list on your laptop screen. “Build a clinic in my old neighbourhood.” Dejected, you bit the inside of your cheek. “But that’s gonna be a lot tougher than I thought.”

“Why? Not enough funding?”

“Permit issues. I was hoping Alistair would help with that-

“But he’s pissed.” Billy tipped his head to the side. “And he’s a vengeful old prick.”

“Now you tell me.”

“I know people who can help.”

Surprised, you returned your attention back to him. “Really?”

“Yeah. Same family friends, remember?”

“How could I forget,” you muttered, angling forward. “But why would you help me? What’s in it for you?”

A small smile played across his lips. “Maybe I’m doing it out of the goodness of my heart.”

“You don’t have one. So what do you want?”

The smile transitioned into a fully amused smirk. “There’ s a wedding I have to attend. A good friend of mine. As much as I want to keep this shit between us a secret, he found out about you.”

“Aw, he wants to meet your wife.”

“Something like that.”

Laughing, you stood up. “Will we need to hold hands? Kiss? Pretend we’re newlyweds madly in love?” Looping your arms around his neck, you taunted in a sing-song voice. “Is this a ploy to get me to fall in love with you?”

“You’ve watched too many romcoms.” Despite his grumbling tone, his eyes twinkled with delight. “None of that shit is gonna happen, no matter how badly you want it.” He unlocked your arms from around him but didn’t let go of your hands. “You help me out, I’ll help you out. We have a deal?”

“How do I know you’ll hold up your end?”

There was that perfectly arched eyebrow again, questioning you. “You don’t trust me?”

“Not even a little bit.”

He squeezed your hands, the heat from his touch pulsing through you. “I should be the one doubting you. You tried to seduce me in my sleep.”

“Still telling yourself that lie? You know it’s bullshit.”You tried to back away but his grasp on you remained firm, pulling you closer. You wanted to kick yourself. Yeah you liked toying with him, it was fun seeing him get all worked up, but recently he stopped responding in anger and started pushing your buttons instead, and you didn’t like it. Not when the deep, dark pools of his eyes fixated on you, as if he was trying to absorb all your thoughts and feelings and secrets, and his proximity played havoc with your thoughts.

“Hate to ruin your fantasies, sweetheart, but we’ll be getting separate rooms at the hotel. I don’t want you attacking me again.”

You gave him a forced smile. “Fuck off, Billy.”

He laughed, finally releasing his hold on you. “And when we come back, I’ll introduce you to my contacts.”

“You better.” Needing distance from him, you exited the office and headed to the kitchen to grab a drink. Unfortunately, he followed suit. You did your best to ignore him but it was hard to do that when his gaze followed your every move. “Your friends know the real reason we got married?”

“You mean did I tell them you’re a golddigger?” he remarked dryly, grabbing some pretzels from a jar, and throwing them back in his mouth one by one. “Obviously not. Don’t want to look like a chump.”

“Great,” you groused. “That means I have to be nice to you.”

“Yes, sweetheart. It does.”

“Your friends are gonna be assholes too, aren’t they?”

“Curtis and I served together.”

Shit. Now you felt like an asshole since you’d assumed they were his high society friends.

“He’s saved my ass a few times over the years. I’ve saved his. Now he’s getting married and wants me to be his groomsmen.”

“When’s the wedding?”

“This weekend. In California.”

“Why so soon?”

“I didn’t ask.”

You scowled at him. “I thought you guys were friends?”

“Doesn’t mean we share every fucking detail about our lives. He asked me to be there, so I’m going. Not gonna fucking interrogate the man about it.”

Men, you huffed to yourself. Taking a sip of your drink, you watched as he languidly munched on the pretzels. By now you should have gotten used to his lingering stare but it still caught you by surprise when you found yourself scrutinized by him. These days he was checking you out more and more, and each time it left you unsettled. You contemplated calling him out on it, but with Billy being Billy, he’d probably claim you were being delusional.

Billy slid the pretzel jar back on the island before moving to the sink to wash his hands. Drying them, he sauntered over to where you stood, smoothly reaching over to grab the drink from your hand.

“Hey!”

A mischievous smile curved his lips as he took a sip of your drink. “Whole event’s gonna take place over a few days. Bachelor party on Thursday-”

“-Guessing I’m not invited to that?”

“Rehearsal dinner on Friday. Wedding on Saturday.”

“I have an important meeting this Friday.”

“Fly out after. We can meet up there.”

“Hope your friends are not boring, Billy.”

“You can always get them drunk and get ammunition on me.”

You rubbed your hands together with glee. “Oooh, there’s an idea.”

“And I’ll do the same with your friends next time I see them.”

“Absolutely not. Never gonna happen.”

He booped your nose, moving closer. “It’s only fair, don’t you think? You meet mine, I meet yours.”

It dawned on you how intimate the whole encounter was. The two of you teasing each other, being flirty, like an actual couple. And you liked it. You liked this side of him. The realization was unnerving, leaving you feeling suddenly awkward. “I have to get back to work,” you said, feigning a relaxed pose as you quickly put some distance between the two you.

“You alright?” he asked from behind.

You didn’t answer.

***

You swiped the card and entered the hotel room. Immediately the stunning view of the lush green rolling hills caught your attention. The room wasn’t big; however it was exquisitely designed with bespoke furniture and a Bohemian aesthetic. After unpacking your luggage, you hopped into the shower and got ready for the rehearsal dinner. Your outfit for the night was a chocolate brown cocktail dress that fit you well, with simple jewelry, latte makeup and red lipstick. Gold sandals with midsized heels provided the finishing touches for the look that left you feeling sexy and beautiful. No doubt Billy wouldn’t appreciate the effort but maybe there’d be other hotties in attendance. Hooking up was out of the question but that didn’t mean you couldn’t enjoy the view.

You followed the signs to the restaurant venue, drawing closer to sounds of laughter. Nervousness flitted through you as you walked in, taking in the group of strangers mulling around. You didn’t know these people, and they were bound to judge you as soon as they found out you were married to Billy – it was painfully obvious you weren’t the type of woman he would ever choose.

Taking a deep breath, you gave yourself a mental shake and a pep talk.

So what if others thought Billy was too good for you? It didn’t matter. It’s not like you had feelings for him or anything, so their opinion didn’t matter. You were here just to put on a show so he’d do you a favour. That’s all. Your eyes scanned the room, searching for Billy, when you were approached by a tall, black hottie.

“Hey.”

You flashed him a smile. “Hi.”

“You looking for someone?”

“I’m here for Curtis and Jessica’s rehearsal dinner?”

“You’re in the right place. I’m Omar, Curtis’s cousin. You must be one of Jessica’s friends?” He asked, reaching out to grasp your hand.

Oh, the man had game, with his gorgeous smile and the subtle way his eyes trailed down your body. “I’m married to one of the groomsmen.”

“Too bad. Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Me.” Billy seemed to come out of nowhere, sauntering past Omar to stand beside you.

He may have worn jeans for his own wedding but Billy had put in effort tonight, wearing a perfectly tailored maroon collared dress shirt and trousers. His hair was slicked back, his facial hair perfectly groomed. Everything about him screamed gorgeous.

“Omar, why you still holding my wife’s hand?” Billy demanded.

Immediately Omer eased his grip on you, pressing his palms together in an exaggerated show of apology. “Sorry brother, didn’t know she was yours. Just saw a beautiful woman, and I had to introduce myself.”

“I’m not his,” you emphasized. “I’m just married to him.”

Billy turned toward you. “So you do remember you’re married?”

“Kinda,” you smirked, centering your attention back on Omer. “Billy won’t introduce us, so I guess I’ll have to. I’m Y/N.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Y/N.” Omer winked, casting Billy a mischievous look.

Immediately you stiffened, taking in his expression. Maybe to everyone else the smile on Billy’s face was teasing but you sensed his agitation right away. Something was wrong. You could practically see him crawling out of his skin. And he was no longer looking at you, instead his focus was directed at another woman across the restaurant. You felt an unexpected wave of jealousy hit you. He appeared to be completely enthralled by the attractive brunette, he couldn’t stop staring. And the spark of envy you felt turned into something much more fierce. “Who is she? An ex-girlfriend?”

Omer raised his eyebrow. “Dinah’s here already? Thought she was coming tomorrow.” His gaze followed both yours and Billy’s. “Oh, Maria.”

“Yeah, Maria.” Billy’s voice was brittle, a stony expression on his face.

You didn’t know what the hell was going on but you absolutely hated the seething rage that flooded over you. It was crazy and made no sense. You ran into many of the women he slept with over the past few months, but they didn’t arouse such strong emotions in you. Probably because he never looked at them the way he was looking at this one. “Gonna introduce me or what?”

Finally Billy shifted his gaze from her to you. Eyebrow furrowed, he stared at you blankly. “Fine. Let’s go.”

It’s like you no longer existed, you were simply baggage he had to carry around. He walked ahead of you, only stopping when he finally reached the brunette. Next to her was another man who bore a striking resemblance to Omar. Based on that similarity, you deduced it was Curtis.

Curtis and Maria both looked up at Billy, flashing him a smile. You observed the trio quietly, noting the absence of intensity on Maria’s face. Whatever Billy felt for that woman, she didn’t reciprocate.

“Billy,” Maria greeted him with a smile.

“How are you, Maria? You look great.”

You noted how deliberately he masked his reaction with the woman. Carefree, jovial, he was all smiles while he hugged her – yet you saw through the ruse. It was all an act; he was more tense than before.

“And this must be the woman who finally nailed down Billy Russo.” Curtis wrapped his arms around you in a big bear hug, surprising you. Unlike his cousin Omer, there was nothing flirtatious in his smile as he greeted you warmly. “Never thought the day would come.”

You returned his smile. “Me neither.”

“Should we be offended we weren’t invited?” Curtis asked.

“Curtis, stop teasing her.” Maria sent her a friendly glance, seemingly oblivious to the way Billy was still watching her. “Congratulations, Y/N. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

You offered a small smile, casting Billy a quick glance. Did no one else notice how on edge he was? His anxiety was through the roof yet Curtis and Maria appeared oblivious to it. It was ridiculous that the false smile on Billy’s face had actually fooled them.

“How did you and Billy meet?” Curtis asked, poking Billy in the chest. “He won’t give us any details.”

“Same old story. His grandfather came to the hospital, I operated on him, and while Billy helped him recuperate the two of us fell in love.” It was the story they had both agreed on and seemed to do the trick.

Maria shot Billy a quizzical glance. “I thought you didn’t get along with him.”

“I don’t.”

“But now they’re best buddies,” you piped up.

“Really?” Curtis asked, taken aback.

“She’s just pulling your leg,” Billy replied dryly. “She does that a lot.”

Curtis laughed. “I can see why he likes you.”

For the first time since you walked in the veil of tension lifted from Billy’s face. An amused smile marked his lips. “May need you to remind me, brother. Sometimes she gets a little too mouthy.”

“Yeah, but you like that,” you retorted.

Curtis chuckled while Maria simply smiled. There was a sadness to her you hadn’t noticed before, and you wondered what she was thinking of. A quick peek at Billy’s uneasy face revealed he noticed it too.

“Maria, can we talk for a minute?” Billy asked. He glanced at you. “In private?”

Th jealousy from earlier returned with a swift vengeance but you kept your face devoid of any emotion as you turned your attention back to Curtis. “Why don’t we get a drink while these two talk?”

“Sounds like a great idea.”

You walked away with Curtis, trying not to let Billy’s close exchange with Maria bother you.

***

Later that night you were dressed in silk camisole and shorts, braiding your hair, when there was a knock on the hotel room door. You glanced at the clock. It was past midnight. You walked to the door and opened it a crack to see who was on the other side. Billy stood there, hair ruffled, eyes red, the first couple of buttons on his maroon shirt undone.

“Let me in?” he asked.

There was hesitancy in his voice, like he recognized this was an imposition. You contemplated telling him to get lost but couldn’t ignore the wild desperation in his eyes. You swung the door wider, allowing him to swagger past you, watching silently as he strode over to the mini-fridge and pulled out a few small bottles of liquor. “You’re paying for that, Billy.”

“Paying for the whole trip, sweetheart.”

You shrugged your shoulders, and sauntered over to the bed. Sitting down with your back against the headboard, you stretched out your legs and studied him as he finished a bottle. “What’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird the entire night.”

He turned around to meet your gaze, watching you for the longest time. Finally he approached you, taking a seat on the mattress, next to your feet. “No one else noticed.”

“They don’t know your bitchy moods like I do.”

“Guess I can’t hide shit from you.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “You’ve hidden plenty of things, Billy.”

He glanced down at your feet, making you feel self-conscious all of a sudden. “Your chubby toes are weird.”

“So are your demonic eyes,” you snapped.

This time a genuine smile curved his lips. “Weird but cute.”

His fingers pulled at your toes gently, and you started giggling at how ticklish his touch was. “Stop, Billy!” You smacked his hand lightly.

The smile on his face faded away, his eyes glued to your feet. He seemed to be caught in deep thought again, his mind somewhere else.

“The way you were looking at her, I thought Maria was an ex-girlfriend,” you said quietly.

Billy looked up to meet your eyes. “No, definitely not an ex.” Before he spoke again, he scooted forward, drawing closer to you. “She’s… was my best friend’s wife.”

“Curtis told me. Said you, him and Frank did multiple tours together.”

“He tell you Frank’s dead?”

You nodded your head. “What happened?”

“Frank and I got caught in enemy territory.”

Heavy silence followed, the air thick with tension.

“Held hostage for days.”

You didn’t know what to say, feeling queasy at the unimaginable horror he must have suffered. The cars and burn marks on his body flashed through your mind; you flinched instinctively.

“What?” he asked, meeting your eyes.

“Did they kill him?”

“Something like that.”

The darkness in his eyes made your heart ache. Whatever he lived through had been pure hell, but it was apparent from his lack of explanation he didn’t want to talk about it with you.  Unsure of what to do, you started braiding the wavy strands that had come undone back into a braid again when Billy’s hand clamped over yours.

“Don’t,” he commanded, his fingers curling around your hair. “I like it down.”

He stared at your hair as if he was spellbound, his eyes vacillating between your face and strands, leaving you completely unsettled. The air rushed out of your lungs when he moved closer, his breath humming against your skin as he began to pull apart the braid and run his fingers through your hair.

“Don’t flirt with Omar tomorrow.”

The abrupt change in topic caught you by surprise. “I was being nice, not flirting.”

“That’s not what it looked like,” Billy murmured.  

Despite the softness in his voice, you could hear the warning behind his words and it pissed you off. “So what? Who cares?” you fired back.

His eyes locked with yours, the intensity in them so potent you felt trapped. “I care.”

“Why?” You regarded him closely. “Jealous?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, babe. I just don’t want my friends to think my wife is a cheater.”

His refusal to admit the truth irritated you, especially considering how he reacted around Omer. “That’s all it is?”

“Yeah.” Billy’s hand wrapped around the back of your neck, his eyes affixed on your lips. He tugged you towards him, his pull gentle. The invisible connection between you and him was palpable, making your heart race in your chest, electricity jolting through you. Everything was moving at lightning speed yet time had slowed down. It didn’t make any sense. Nothing did.

“So if I told you he walked me to my room tonight and gave me his number, it wouldn’t bother you?” you prodded.

The glint in his eyes hardened, his jaw clenched. “Of course it would. I don’t want him to start asking why we’re not staying in the same room.”

“So nothing to do with you being jealous?”

“Nothing at all,” he drawled.

The magnetic hold he had over you dissipated instantly. You grew up under the stigma of rejection, your own father choosing to abandon you than claim you. And here was Billy, doing the same. There was no way in hell you were going to settle for someone treating you like that. Using every bit of resolve you possessed, you pulled away. “I want you to leave.”

“And risk having Omar find out the truth about us? I don’t think so.”

“Fine. Stay here but keep your distance.”

“You’re the one who crawled into my bed.”

“And you’re the one who almost kissed me just now.”

A cocky smile covered his face. “Wishful thinking on your part, sweetheart?” Like the arrogant jackass that he was, he moved away from the bed and strolled over to the bar. Pouring himself another drink, he leaned back against the furniture to face you. “Any other fantasies you have in mind?”

“This is so fucking pathetic. You don’t even have the guts to own up to what you want. Instead you hide behind mixed signals so you don’t have to risk anything. You’re a fucking coward, Billy.”

His eyes turned cold as ice.

[kaydenverse]

your name

18+ minors DNI

gif is not mine!

a/n: i love sergeant kyle ‘gaz’ garrick so fucking much you guys don’t understand i’m gonna cry he’s so so pretty. but i thought of this while high and i often think about stoner gaz so enjoy this bffs

lowercase is intended, this is barely proofread my bad.

pairings: kyle ‘gaz’ garrick x gender neutral reader

content warnings: smut with fluff mixed in, recreational drug use, switch reader, switch kyle, degradation, breeding, teasing/banter, lmk if i missed anything!

word count: 2.4k

summery:

you’re absolutely certain that price, who’d been designated driver for the night, had a clear view of kyle’s hands shoving themselves into the back pockets of your jeans when you’d bent down to pick up your keys. 

you struggle a bit to close the door with kyle still attacking your lips with kisses but you get it closed and locked after a few seconds of stumbling around. 

price saw all of that happen as well. he sighs and drives off once he knows you're both safe inside.

"Every goddamn time." the captain snorts.

the way the two of you stumble through the entryway to your apartment at one am on a friday night looks like something straight out of a romcom movie scene. 

kyle reattaches his lips to yours, swallowing the loud giggle that leaves you as you shuffle through the doorway once the door finally swings open. you’d dropped your apartment keys twice because kyle kept kissing at your neck from behind. 

“i’ve got you so flustered, hm?” kyle had teased. “can’t even get the door open.”

you’re absolutely certain that price, who’d been designated driver for the night, had a clear view of kyle’s hands shoving themselves into the back pockets of your jeans when you’d bent down to pick up your keys. 

you struggle a bit to close the door with kyle still attacking your lips with kisses but you get it closed and locked after a few seconds of stumbling around. 

price saw all of that happen as well. he sighs and drives off once he knows you're both safe inside.

"Every goddamn time." the captain snorts.

once kyle gently takes the keys from your hand, and tosses them into the dish you usually keep your keys in he then pins you to the door.

“you think they noticed we were getting kinda handsy?” kyle pants softly as he pecks your lips a couple of times. 

“kyle,” the laugh you let out makes kyle’s heart burst. “sweetheart, we’re notorious for being handsy when we’re high. not only did they notice it, it was expected.” his response dies on the tip of his tongue when you shove a thigh up between his legs. “why? you like when our friends catch us?” the eye contact you hold with kyle flusters him but he holds your hooded gaze. 

“…maybe…” he sighs out when you begin to rock your thigh against him. “maybe a little.” he drops his head forward and rests his forehead on a spot of the door next to your head. he leans up against the door with his left arm caging you against the wall. his right hand skims up against your side to feel you squirm. 

“pervert.” you tilt your head to the side a little to whisper in his ear. kyle outright moans at the harsh nickname and you grin. you continue to rock your thigh up between the british man's legs while he rocks his hips against you. you let him continue until he’s panting against your shoulder and his rhythm turns sloppy. 

he’s close. 

kyle whines when you pull your thigh away and way he looks down at you with an almost saddened look that almost makes you pin him to the floor right then and there. instead, you kiss his cheek before looking down to kick off your shoes. he simply watches as you slide from his grip, shoving your hands into your pockets as you turn to saunter down the hall. the second that you disappear into your room, kyle is kicking off his shoes and quickly shuffling down to your room. 

you’ve fallen back onto your bed with your arms stretched out as you stare up at the ceiling. your socked feet dangle a few inches off of the ground from how you’re laid as you enjoyed the ongoing buzz from the three gummy bear edibles you had eaten earlier that night. kyle stands in the doorway, awestruck by the sight of you. 

“so beautiful. so beautiful and all mine.” he thinks.

“come to me, my pretty boy.” you do your best impression of kyle’s accent and hold your arms out towards him. kyle grins and carefully flings himself on top of you. he cradles your face in his hands once he’s comfortably settled in between your legs. the darling smile you give him makes him fall in love a little bit more. 

“you’re absolutely fried,” kyle chuckles. “eyes red and everything.” he coos. he’s not much better than you, having only eaten one gummy bear lees than you. he feels like he’s floating and so do you. 

you hum and slip your hands underneath kyle’s hoodie to feel his waist. “feels good.” you lightly scratch at his skin to feel him shiver. 

“both that,” he leans into your hands. “and the weed, yeah.” kyle’s sits up enough to tug the gray hoodie over his head. 

“whore.” you tease, poking fun at him not wearing a shirt underneath the hoodie. 

“oh says you.” kyle shoots back with a playful smile. you pinch the skin of his in return which earns a small whimper from him. you pull him back down with your free hand and peck his lips.

“i’d advise you to watch your words, garrick.” you warn and kyle gives you a challenging look in return. 

within the next five minutes, kyle has you stripped bare and lightly tracing circles on your entrance with a wet finger. 

“please.” you pant and attempt to grab his forearm to get him to go in. 

“i thought you told me to watch my words, baby? what happened to all your fight?” the pet name purred in that voice of his makes your brain shut down and reset for a split-second.

if you weren’t stoned at the moment, you would’ve stayed in control but, well… you’re stoned. “kyle ‘gaz’ garrick.” you weakly demand, flinching when he nips at the inside of your thigh as payback for the hip pinching. 

“no,” kyle pulls his hand away from you and you whine. “you can use your words. you know what i want.” 

and you do know what he wants. you briefly debate on provoking him, on giving him every response but the one he wants. but, as much as you love when he edges you to tears, you’re far too desperate to wait that long for him.

 so just like that, you cave. 

“please…” you huff, giving him your best pout. “please touch me. touch me however you please. just touch me. please.” you feel like you’ve going to burst when kyle grins at you. 

“bein’ good tonight. must be real desperate if that’s the case.” kyle hums as he eases his middle finger into you. he keeps the pace slow and ignores your annoyed pleas for more. “you’re so pretty.” he kisses just above your belly button. the complement makes you clench around his finger. 

“so are y-“ you finish your sentence with a squeak when kyle presses a second finger into you and curls them upwards a little. “oh.” kyle laughs at the way you immediately buck your hips down onto his hand. 

“go ahead, take what you want, sweetheart. use my fingers.” he hums, slipping his other hand down between your legs to stimulate you farther and that sets you off. you angle your hips so you can comfortably use kyle’s finger without cramping your leg and keep him nudging into that perfect spot. it takes only minutes before you're ready to burst. 

“fuck im-“ you gasp. “fuck i’m gonna cum.” you look away from kyle’s stare, too flustered to look him in the eye. kyle eagerly drinks in every little whine and moan he pulls from you. he stares at you as if you've personally hung the moon and all the stars in the sky by hand. 

“go on then, need you to cum for me. need to see you lose it, love.” kyle’s soft tone doesn’t match how dirty his words are and that’s what flings you over the edge. kyle quickly grabs your waist and pulls you back down onto his fingers when you try to squirm off them to avoid overstimulation.

“noo,” you whine and attempt to wiggle your hips away but to no avail. “too much, please, kyle.” 

“i love when you say my name, you know that? so many people have said my name, kyle, but no one makes it sound as good as you do. especially when you moan it like that.” he kisses up your stomach and sucks a hickey onto your collarbone. that makes you moan out louder, makes you cum harder. 

“you’re so good to me.” you whisper, throwing an arm over your face. you thrash around a bit as he pumps his finger ever so slowly. due to the weed, you’re feeling extra sensitive. 

“only the best for you, baby.” kyle plants a kiss on your cheek. he catches the way you clench around his fingers at the pet name again. something about the way he says it gets you every time. “color.” he slips his fingers out of you and wipes the mess you’ve made on them onto your stomach. the sight makes you shiver.

“bright fuckin’ green,” you squirm as the final wave of your climax rolls through you. “need to make you cum though.” you sound breathless as you nudge him over so he’s laid out flat on his back. kyle lifts his hips as you tugging his pants, along with his boxers, down his legs. “oh, darling,” you coo as you circle a finger around his wet tip. “you came while i was using your fingers?” the pleased glint in your eyes makes him melt into the dark gray comforter. 

“you look so pretty when you cum, i couldn’t help myself.” kyle hums with a confident smile. he’s not even the slightest bit embarrassed nor does he need to be. getting you off gets him off and he’s made sure you know that.

“you like when i use you, huh? try to be all ‘in charge and in control’ but it’s really just me still getting my way with you.” you loosely wrap your hand around his half hard cock and straddle his thighs. 

oh, he can be in ‘charge and in control’ if he really wants to but tonight you’ve got him ready to do anything you ask. 

“i love it, actually.” kyle tilts his head with a small smile and hooded eyes. he's so pretty that he knocks the air out of your chest.

he looks so goddamn good when he’s high.

“and you love that i love it.” his hands slide up your thighs and they settle on your hips. you moan softly when he gives your waist a small squeeze. he gently digs his thumbs into the chub of your tummy. “so could you, please, use me some more?” 

your stomach does a flip and you’re leaning down to kiss him. kyle whimpers when you bite at his lip. by the time you pull apart to breathe, you’re both too desperate for any further teasing. 

“want you..” you murmur while shuffling to straddle his hips properly. 

“then have me, my dear,” he stares up at you as if he’s mesmerized by you and he is. “i’m all yours. always have been and always will be.”

kyle, that fucking romantic.

when you fully sit yourself on kyle’s cock, you have to pause your movements so you don’t cum on the spot. “i love when we fuck while we’re high.” you admit with some shyness laced through your words. 

kyle lets out a warm laugh, sitting up and looping an arm around your waist. “as do i.” he kisses at your throat. moans topple out of both your mouths when you pick your hips up and drop them back down quickly. “keep goin’, just like that.” he whispers and you do as told. 

“keep talking to me like that and i’ll fucking cum.” you breathe out and kyle laughs at you again. “and keep laughing at me like that and i’ll cum even quicker.” 

kyle hums and uses the arm he had wrapped around your waist to bounce you on him faster. “aw, i’ve got you so wrapped around my finger that my voice does it for you? how cute.” he teases. you mutter swears as he speaks and grind your hips harder. he sure does have you wrapped around his finger but you’ve got him wrapped around yours as well.

“shit- right there,” the whine you let out sounds outright pathetic. you scratch at any bit of kyle’s skin that you can reach, driving him crazy with the sensation. 

“please,” kyle moans into the side of your neck. “need you to cum again, baby. you’re right there i can feel it.” both of you are struggling to keep up a consistent rhythm but neither of you care, not with how close you both are. 

“cum inside,” your voice pitches upwards as you speak. “gotta feel it, please.” you almost sounds like you’re crying and that spurs kyle on more alongside your words. you haven’t realized how loud you’re both being until now and, honestly, you could care less who heard. repeated pleads and moans of kyle’s fall from your lips as another orgasm is pulled out of you. 

kyle drops your hips back down onto him, sinking you down as far as you’ll go and holds you there. he whines out your name as he spills into you.

so many people have said your name but no one makes it sound as good as he does. especially when he moans it like that. 

you pet at the back of kyle’s neck as you both come down from your highs. He pulls back a tad and makes a kissy face at you until you laugh and lean down to kiss him. you both laugh when he falls back down onto the bed, pulling you with him. 

“i love you.” kyle holds your face in his hands and brushes his thumbs over your cheeks. 

you lean forward, gently bonking your sweaty forehead against his. “i love you too.” you hum. kyle kisses you sweetly and your stomach erupts into butterflies. when you pull apart, you push your face into the side of his neck. kyle laughs softly and begins to softly trace patterns along your spine.

“gummies wearing off?” he asks as his fingers reach the top of your spine. you shiver when he scratches there a little. 

“mhm.” you nudge your head farther into his neck, trying your best to get even closer to him. 

you both lay there for a few minutes and just before you begin to drift off to sleep, kyle sits up. “don’t fall asleep yet, shower time. you’re all sweaty.” 

“i was not gonna fall asleep. and you’re sweaty too.” you counter. 

“yeah,” kyle pokes at your side to hear you laugh. “sure you weren’t.”

[hom3landr]

My, My, I Could Never Let You Go

In which your extensive knowledge of teen movies and flair for the dramatic comes in handy

Homelander X Reader

You don’t know what put him in this foul mood but it must have been one hell of an event to have him this riled up and pissy. He barks at you for any perceived slight against him and even the sweetest touches don’t lessen the fire in his eyes or loosen the set of his jaw. His anger doesn’t seem to be directed at you specifically but rather you are forced to take the brunt of it as the only other inhabitant of the zoo exhibit that Vought considers a penthouse. Alas, while you need not fear him hurting you, you are not spared from the venom that spews from his lips. However, you’ve done this song and dance before and you know that times like these are when he needs you the most.

So you devise a plan and for once you’re grateful that being Homelander’s girlfriend means that you never have to wait long to obtain what you want.

~

Your grouchy boy had to leave for his meeting with the Seven. You wince when you think of how that’s going to play out. He has another engagement after which means you have a few hours to put together your brilliant plan. Your items arrive promptly and you practically vibrate as you begin your plot.

It takes a bit to figure out how to program the lights you purchased to sync to the music and you only have enough time to toss your boa around your neck and get in position before he’s stomping into the apartment with petulant purpose. Your fingers itch as you grip the remote, eager for him to turn around so you can start the show. This is a stupid idea and you feel stupid but if this works then maybe you can baffle him out of his bad mood.

He turns…and the lights dim. His brows furrow only to raise in surprise when the two spotlights you have attached to your laptop illuminate your pose as you stand confidently atop his bed. The mirror above catches the light and causes a disco effect which suits your purposes to a T. Another press on the remote and an upbeat song starts playing

ABBA fills the room as you strike a pose in your bell bottoms and fluffy boa.

Homelander may be the celeb but you can hold your own when it comes to showmanship. Your brush is held up to your mouth like a microphone as you belt out the eternal classic Mamma Mia. Your whole life has been building to this moment. You are holding a metaphorical boombox for the man you love and if he wants a romance like the movies then that is just what he’s gonna get.

Homelander stands frozen at the foot of the bed. He’s squinting at you in confusion as his hands rest on his hips. You bust a sick move and he emits a baffled scoff. He doesn’t stop you though. He waits, maybe not patiently, but he lets you have your moment as you serenade him happily.

When the song ends you take a bow to a silent audience.

You stand awkwardly for a few moments on top of the bed sheets that are now impossibly rumpled from your dancing. The hairbrush drops to the bed with a soft thump. You wait for any kind of response but eventually you realize you might not get one.

“What? Never had a cheesy teen romcom karaoke love confession before? I know I’m no Heath Ledger but…” You’re quickly cut off as Homelander tackles you onto the bed as soft as he can without causing you damage. You burst into delighted giggles as he presses kisses all over your face, leaving no spot untouched by his affection. You rest your hands on his shoulders and you feel warm inside as you realize that much of the tension is gone. He pulls back briefly to fix you with a soft bemused stare.

“Tha song doesn’t even make sense! You never left in the first place” he huffs, snuggling closer when your hands migrate to his hair.

“I wanted my Meryl Streep moment! Don’t judge me.” You squeal when he nips at your neck, his head briefly disappearing into the absurd mass of feathers. It tickles when he mumbles into your skin.

“Oh I’m judging. You didn’t see your dancing” he teases and you can feel his lips pull into a smirk. You swat him on the back of the head although you know it’s barely more than a breeze for him. You’re pleased that he’s pleased. Your boy is a sucker for cheese at heart and you’ll serenade him forever if it means he’ll smile the way he is right now.

After all…ABBA does have an extensive catalog of music.

[turbulentscrawl]

Hey there!! If you're up for it, some Victor Grantz sfw & ns/fw perchance?

Ngl I'm a bit in awe with how many requests you've been able to post in such a relatively short amount of time 😵‍💫 it's very admirable, but I also hope you get enough rest so you don't burn yourself out ^^"

I absolutely can! He's my first one posting the relationship HCs before the general haha

I appreciate the concern, but I'm alright! Headcanons are pretty quick and easy for me to fill, it's just the actual scenarios that are a little more work-intensive. And I fill stuff as I have time and inspiration, so I'll have on-and-off spurts like that where stuff comes out faster!

Victor Grantz

SFW

-Victor is a very empathetic and adaptable partner. He’s very attuned to your mood, and goes out of his way to check on you whenever he has spare time. He enjoys being the person you vent to, about anything and everything—remember, secrets are huge deal to Victor. Sharing your private thoughts and feelings with him is the ultimate sign of your trust in him, so tell him about all your troubles. He won’t share them with another soul. Well, maybe Wick, but that doesn’t count right?

-He’s totally open to basic PDA. Don’t get me wrong, his cheeks go apple-red every time, but he’s got no issues with giving you a hug or a smooch in front of other people. He’s even alright with sitting in one another’s laps because he can’t turn down a good cuddle. But Wick gets to sit in the lap of whoever is on top.

-When you’re in a relationship with Victor, his true sillyguy nature reveals itself. Like, if he ever catches you dancing like a loon to music and chores, he’s immediately joining in. If you initiate a prank war, he’s very likely to reciprocate. (But only if it’s the harmless stuff.) Cooking with him? He’s gonna dollop something on your nose. If you have any non-verbal stims or ticks, he likes to playfully copy them.

-In a modern world, he enjoys watching movies with you and will 100% cry at the sad and heartwarming stuff. He doesn’t love horror movies, but romcoms and animated flicks are good. During the Holidays he has those awful Hallmark movies playing constantly.

-He enjoys outdoor activities! If you don’t he can generally get his fill from doing his deliveries and taking Wick on walks, but he’d really enjoy it if you wanted to go hiking or camping sometime. In the winter, he enjoys building snowmen and snowball fights.

NS/FW

-It may surprise some of you, but he’s more of a top! (A very gentle top.) But he’s quite shy, and nervous about making unwanted advances, so he always waits for your invitation first. He likes when you whisper flirty little lines to him as a signal that you’re in the mood, or send him a letter with a time and place for a sneaky tryst. It never fails to put a sweet smile and adorable blush on his cheeks.

-Before, and even for a good while into your relationship, Victor is more likely to scurry off to take care of any arousal by himself than he is to agree to sex. It’s nothing against you, honestly, he just needs time to build up the courage to see you naked without passing out. The good news: he unintentionally edges himself a lot because he gets so distracted thinking of you, so by the time you do get involved sexually he’s already built up some decent endurance.

-He’ll give you oral if you ask, but he prefers to use his hands on you so he can kiss you at the same time. If you give him oral, he unravels quickly. It’s the one thing he never gets much better at lasting through.

-Victor likes to indulge in a romantic atmosphere and is especially fond of soft candlelight and rose petals. Intimacy is a precious commodity after Victor’s history, and he wants to foster it. If you ever get ahold of a private hot spring or a nice, big bath with some wine, consider him seduced.

-He’s not very loud during the act, but he sighs sweetly and whimpers. It’s very common for him to whisper an “I love you” during or right after he finishes. When he comes, his arms shake something terrible, so he usually ends up laying right on top of you instead of holding himself up properly. He doesn’t weigh too much, thankfully, and it’s a great opportunity to cling to him. He also really doesn’t want to pull out after. Can’t he just stay like this while and enjoy the afterglow?

-He really enjoys roleplay in the bedroom. Is he the best at it? No, he’s really not. And it’s fine if you’re not either because Victor doesn’t take it too seriously. He just thinks it’s fun to dress up and pretend a little bit in the bedroom. He won’t, for instance, play a whole long scene as a police officer where you get arrested and whatnot. He’s just a “police officer” who finds you attractive, instead of a “postman.” As hinted briefly above, he also likes cockwarming during frisky cuddles. ;)

[heavnlyhetfield]

could you please write how james would propose to you based on the era?? (early 90s, 99 and current james but ofc you can add any era you want)

i feel like he'd be so sweet and he'd do it in such a special way but it definitely would differ based on the era.

please i really wanna see this ❤️

i feel like early 90s james would be the most nervous about it, and probably wouldn’t make it a big deal based on who he was as a person at the time. he’d either make a nice dinner and propose when you’re done, or maybe take you on a hike somewhere in the hills of SF and do it there. he’d be so worried that you’d say no that he shakes when he takes the box out 🥺

‘99 james goes all out, he’s definitely a lot more romantic at this point and he wants to show you how much you mean to him. he spends the entire day with you and takes you to places that hold a lot of meaning for your relationship, and you finish up having a candlelit dinner outside of your favorite restaurant (it’s literally something out of a romcom.) he has a heartfelt speech planned and buys you the most beautiful ring he can find (it’s huge and you honestly don’t want to know how much it cost.)

current james might be my favorite. he’s old enough to know he doesn’t need to impress you for you to say yes, and he’s not that showy anymore either; he’s the type to casually propose over coffee or while you’re cuddling in bed just as the sun is coming up. you’re pressed up against his chest, one of his arms under your pillow and the other draped over your waist, fingers intertwined. he’s got his nose buried in your hair and he’s just breathing you in when you hear it. “marry me.”

you turn over so fast your hair whips him in the face. “wait, what?”

james smiles. “i think we should get married.”

“you’re just gonna- hold on, do you even have a ring?”

“do i need one?” his eyes are bright and his smile blinding; and in an instant you have your answer.

“honestly? no. you could propose with a rock and i’d say yes.”

“soooo…”

“oh my god, james, yes. i’ll marry you.”

he kisses you so deeply it takes your breath away, one hand cupping your cheek. “i love you,” he whispers between kisses. “i love you, i love you, i love you.”

“i love you too.”

-

[slafkovskys]

ok but why am i imagining that older beech would be so smooth and such a flirt with younger reader. like he has her over for dinner and cooks for her bc he knows she’s stressed bc of school (we’re throwing it back a little, okay?) and she doesn’t want to leave and he doesn’t want her to leave but she’s like “i should go, i have class tomorrow” (but johnny knows that campus isn’t far from his place and if she stays, he can wake up early and he can drive her to class and that gives him an easy reason to see her later) and johnny starts a romcom on tv that she told him earlier that she always loved watching and he goes “you’re gonna leave and make me watch this movie all alone?”

“you’re gonna pretend like you don’t want to know what happens?” he wraps his arms around her, preventing her from gathering her books off his kitchen counter. she sighs and melts into his embrace, “c’mon. you know you do.”

“i have class in the morning, johnny, and i already feel like i’m about to crash,” she trails off, wrapping her arms loosely around his waist. she wanted to give in so badly, return to the pile of blankets they had made on the couch, maybe steal a slice of cold pizza from the box as johnny plays with her hair.

yeah, that’d be nice.

he scoffs, “well now i’m really not letting you go.”

and they both know he would. he would drive her home in a heartbeat if that’s what she really wanted, but they both knew that she didn’t. he just wanted her to be the one to say it. she hums, “well, i wouldn’t have to wake up as early…”

“yeah,” he grins, “and i’ll make you breakfast. take you to class on my way to the rink, will even let you listen to your podcasts.”

“oh, what a gentleman,” she teases and he presses a kiss to the side of her head, “are you sure?”

“baby,” he sighs as the unsureness she always held for the two of them started to creep in, “i’m serious. there is nothing that i want more than to watch this cheesy movie with you, go to bed, and then see your face first thing in the morning. you know that.”

and she does. she knows that he would’ve had her stuff taking up the empty half of his closet at the start of the season if she hadn’t turned him down when he asked. she nods, “it better be a good breakfast, beecher.”

“you have my word.”

[yunhowooyo]

slipped and fell

jeong yunho x gn!reader ~ fluff wc: 488

“you wanna know what i just realized?”

“hmm.. what’s that darling?”

you flip your body forward, blood rushing through your head and pounding behind your ears as your body retakes an upright position. after taking a moment to gather your bearings, you turn your body to face your boyfriend on the couch. 

“it’s about the first time we met. remember how you slipped on wooyoung’s spilled coke in the cafeteria and landed directly in my lap?”

“god, how could i forget,” he chuckled, a light shade of peach dusting his plushy cheeks. “i was mortified, i literally crushed the girl i was crushing on.”

“yeah, that kinda hurt by the way. anyways, what i realized is- first, you fell on me, then, you fell for me!” you exclaimed, clearly excited by the romcom-esque parallels. “at least i think you did… you’ve fallen for me right?” 

yunho ever so slightly leans his upper body toward you, raising his eyebrow. “is this your sneaky attempt at getting me to say the ‘L word’?”

leaning back and placing your hand to your heart, you glare at your clever boy with fake shock. “how dare you! i would never pressure you into saying something so serious … is it working?”

“y/n, it’s 2 am and we’re in our pajamas. i’m not gonna say that for the first time right now.”

“well why not?” you whine. 

“because it’s not special enough!” he flails, appalled by your nonchalance. “when i tell you how much you mean to me for the first time, i’m going to make sure it’s the most achingly romantic event you’ll ever experience, and you’re gonna love it.”

“and if i don’t love it?”

he fold his hands in his lap, taking on a false air of prophetic wiseness. “then there would have to be something wrong with you, meaning i’d be forced to break up with you.”

“you’d break up with me if there was something wrong with me?! how supportive you are.”

defending himself, he explains, “i could never date a heartless anti-romantic.” he reaches his hand over and hooks it around your waist, pulling you into his side and leaning back into the couch. “…so it’s a good thing you’re such a hopeless romantic.”

you lean into his broad chest and rest your head on his shoulder, your lips only a breath apart. “…well so are you.”

“yes i am. and that’s why we’re so cute together,” he proclaims, pecking your nose, your cheek, your temple, anywhere on your face he can reach. 

you squirm away, wriggling in his arms and pretending as if you’re grossed out by his affection. he shoves you back into his embrace, squeezing your arms against your body and your cheek to his chest to prevent your undesired escape. you accept defeat and relax your muscles against him, but not without one last muttering against his soft t-shirt. 

“dork.” 

“your dork.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

hi!! i’m sami and i’ve literally never written a work of fiction before. pls go easy on me.

writing is something i’ve been wanting to get into for a while but never had the courage to explore, so i finally forced myself to type this up in 15 minutes after a quick burst of “if i never start i’ll never get good”. PLEASE feel free to give me comments, criticism, tips, anything really, because i genuinely do want to improve and learn to tell stories worth reading.

i’m hoping to write again soon, but honestly i have no sort of prediction of how this whole writing thing will go, so maybe drop a follow if you wanna see more? (plus, my account as of now serves as a fully-function fic rec database, so you’ll at least get something out of it)

thx, love ya!

[g0tmilkx3]

Sure Looks Strange to Me I

You met Emerald Haywood purely by chance. You didn’t expect to go through a near death experience with her but stranger things have happened.

WARNINGS: Mature, NOPE spoilers, swearing, crude jokes, drug use (weed), death mention, suggestive language, mentions of oral sex (female receiving), this story is lesbian so yes the relationship moves very fast for no reason, written like a romcom, not proofread

Dividers by: Firefly-Graphics

Part 1 Part 2

“Hey! I’m gonna need help setting these cameras up”

“Why can’t Nessie help?”

“Because she’s retail plus you’re the only other person who knows the system like I do”

“Come on Angel I’m off in 30 minutes” you reasoned. It’d been a long day of monotonous transactions and backroom stocking. There was nothing more you wanted to do than go home and get some much needed rest.

“Dude, stop being a crybaby and just help me out. You can write it off as overtime. Plus you’ve been talking about wanting the new AirPods” he wiggled his eyebrows at you, trying his hardest to sell you on this.

“Ew stop it” you laughed “let’s just get this over with” Angel shot you an appreciative smile as he exited the backroom. You followed behind your coworker turned best friend already counting down the minutes until you were back home and in bed.

After you helped Angel load the newly purchased camera system in the company owned van you two were off.

“…I mean she didn’t even call me after. Not even for the final closure fuck” Angel slammed his hand against the leather steering wheel. The two of you had been driving for almost an hour out to the Haywood ranch. Angel spent maybe 15 minutes of that talking about UFO’s and the rest of the time crying over his ex.

“Dude you complained about her every. day.” you loved your best friend but boy was he delusional. His tumultuous relationship with his now ex-girlfriend was anything but happy. You silently wondered why he was grieving its end so hard. You looked to him — maybe he wasn’t delusional. Maybe he was just in love. What’s the difference anyway?

“Yeah but she was the one” he exclaimed once again “what great couple doesn’t go through shit. Look at Beyoncé and Jay-Z!”

“They’re millionaires! They can afford to be unhappy.”

“Ah you don’t get it” he grumbled gripping the steering wheel. After a beat of silence he turned to you and opened his mouth once again “do you think these guys are in a UFO hotspot?”

“What?” you turned from your phone looking at him incredulously “is that what they told you?”

“They didn’t tell me”

“Oh…”

“But they ‘told’ me alright”

“Dude.”

He clamped his mouth shut settling back in his seat.

“I don’t know I’ve got a feeling” he added “plus I trust them”

“Yeah me too could you turn the radio on?” you asked before stifling your laughter. He shot you a look that said ‘stop being mean to me’. You patted his shoulder in reassurance “love ya dude.”

“Yeah yeah” he quirked a smile “when we get abducted you won’t be laughing.” Angel never held grudges or took things too seriously. That’s probably why your friendship had lasted so long.

After a short stretch of silence he eventually began drumming his hands on the wheel to the song playing on the radio.

“You’re a strange animal…” he hummed “hey you remember this song? Gordy’s home theme song”

“What?“ you didn’t bother looking from your phone this time.

“Aw come on. You’re a strange animal that’s what I know” he excitedly continued “with Jupe from Kid Sheriff”

“I was born this century you know?”

“You’re just uncultured”

“Nobody remembers that show man” you laughed going back to your word scrabble app.

The two of you soon turned down a long stretch of dirt road. Down the long and winding pathway a sizable house peaked into view. It sat smack dab in the middle of a substantial piece of land.

“Okay, now be on the lookout for UFO’s” Angel muttered eyes to the sky. You quietly laughed at your friend remembering just how much you loved him and his quirks.

You and Angel had known each other since middle school. You both decided early on that the two of you were going to be glued at the hip. You just worked together. It made sense.

He was the first person you told about your sexuality. You half expected him to change or to say something weirdly sexual like most boys that age, but he only smiled. His freshmen face stretched around his newly acquired braces and with a simple sentence he whisked away all of your anxieties.

“Who do you think can kiss the most girls by the end of the year, you or me?”

It was history from there. He won by the way.

That memory was just a fading melody that echoed in the back of your mind from time to time. Your friendship had been through much more since then. From pointless fights to late night bonding. At some points the two of you spent so much time with each other that you couldn’t stand each other. Nonetheless you were like siblings in every sense of the word. You couldn’t live with him and you couldn’t live without him. You liked to think he felt the same about you.

As Angel unloaded the truck you were caught up staring up at a cloud that wasn’t moving. And no you weren’t bugging, the shit literally wasn’t moving. It was standing still amongst the other clouds, like a fixture.

“Imma pop out” you faintly heard behind you.

After a few more minutes you weren’t alone anymore.

“Like the view?”

You turned to the person who spoke. She smiled at you once you made eye contact.

“I uh” you turned back to the cloud before shaking your head and looking to the client “I apologize. Um yes its beautiful Ms. Haywood”

You took her soft hand in yours noting how firm her handshake was. She didn’t let you go as you you took a step down from the rock you’d been standing on.

“No need to apologize pretty lady” she quirked a smile at you “and Em is fine”.

You felt warm all over as her eyes trailed your movements. You looked to your hands surprised to see that they were still connected. You shyly pulled your hand back and flexed your fingers. They tingled — you already missed the warmth Em’s hand gave you.

“I better go help Angel”

“Dudes weird” she said with no real heat behind her words.

“Yeah but he’s my weirdo” You continued your walk towards Angel who was using the dolly to move the camera equipment inside the clients house. Mr. Haywood led the way.

“What’d you mean by that?” She asked stopping in her tracks.

You glanced behind you before eventually coming to a stop and turning fully towards her.

You took note of how she looked. She wore a pair of cut off jean shorts that showed off her legs. A bit of sweat was gathering at the collar of her Coyote top. You couldn’t help the feeling of fondness blossoming within you as you surveyed the sight before you. You had to bite your lip to stop yourself from blurting out something stupid. Like calling the stranger who was also a client cute.

“Im sorry?”

She chuckled to herself taking a few steps towards you. You stayed put, using your hand to shield your eyes from the sun. You thought you caught a glimpse of an object darting behind a cloud but Em’s voice brought you back down to earth.

“Is he your friend, boyfriend… life partner?”

It took you longer than you’d like to admit to catch her subtlety. It was so obvious now. Everything about her was calling out to you. Pulling you closer. You soon realized why she wanted to know the information so timely.

“Oh” you laughed nervously “he’s uh my friend”

“Just friends” she raised her eyebrows eyeing you from head to toe. The hot drag of her gaze down your body took your breath away. “that’s great news!”

“Why is that?” You coyly questioned, looking up at her from under your lashes.

“Because” she simply stated. Her knowing smile and charming eyes filled you with desire. Before you knew it she was turning away to walk to her truck.

“Because?” you called behind her not bothering to follow.

“Because I wanna be your friend too” she called back without turning around.

“Cryptic” you replied through a surprised laugh. She threw a peace sign behind her before hopping in the Haywood truck and driving away.

“Hey are you gonna keep flirting or help me with this?” Angel teased. His words didn’t deter you from longingly staring at the flying dust Em left behind.

“I wasn’t flirting” you retorted feeling your face heat up.

After installing the system Angel and Oj, who asked you to not call him Mr. Haywood, took to the grounds to adjust the cameras. You watched curiously from the computer room as the bright blue sky came into view. You hummed curiously wondering why Oj had you and your friend carry out the peculiar request.

There was that cloud again. In full view not moving an inch. You peered closer to the screen trying to see some form of movement. Anything to show that the cloud was real and you weren’t going crazy.

“Havin’ fun” you jumped out of your skin at the unexpected visitor. Whipping your head around a flutter of butterflies erupted in your belly as you seen the younger Haywood smiling at you.

“I uh sorry I was just making sure the cameras were set up correctly”

“Why are you apologizing” she chuckled stepping closer to you “it’s your job, no?”

“Uh yes it is my job” you scratched the back of your ear nervously turning back to the monitors. You heard her steps near you until she stood next to you.

“What’s up there?” You eventually asked turning to her. You were surprised to find her eyes already on you.

“Who knows” she finally ripped her gaze from you and to the monitors “but we gone find out”

You raised an eyebrow wondering if Angel wasn’t so crazy after all. What are the odds that these strangers are also looking up searching for more.

“Angel thinks you guys are in a ufo hot spot” you laughed but soon faltered when you realized she want joining in “holy shit are you guys?”

The younger Haywood laughed a bit before shrugging and looking back to the monitors. She squinted her eyes searching for something. You assumed she searched for what you were searching for.

You watched her. It was kind of hard not to. There was something about her. Something that piqued your interest. You wanted to bury your nose in her fluffy hair and inhale her scent. You wanted to kiss her soft neck and hear what sounds she made. You wanted to taste her lips. God did you want her lips. You drunk her in, staring at the long expansion of her neck when someone interrupted your fascinated stare.

“Hey it’s time to head out”

You turned to Angel who looked at you like he’d just caught you red handed. His teasing smile made your face heat up in embarrassment.

“Leaving already?” Em questioned turning back to you a frown on her face “that was quick”

You decided not to mention how it took about an hour to get everything set up. But she was gone for most of the set up so there was no real way she’d be able to know.

“She’ll take your number” Angel interjected, already grabbing your phone from your back pocket. He ignored your hushed protests and handed your device (unlocked) to Em who chuckled at the two of you. You resisted the urge to sink to the floor as she winked at you.

“Thank you Angel” she smiled to you as she handed the phone back to him “I’ll be in touch”

“Sounds good” you squeaked before grabbing your phone and scurrying to the waiting van. Once inside you exhaled finally getting a good look at the newly acquired contact.

Em Haywood ❤️🐎

“Those guys are kinda dicks” Angel said once he closed his car door “if they don’t give me a good review Al is gonna be on my ass”

“Hey I’ve been waiting in the car for like 30 minutes. What took so long? Also, since when do you care what our manager thinks?”

“They needed help setting up a decoy for horse training or some shit” he shrugged pulling out of the driveway “and I care about what Al thinks since he threatened to fire me if I got one more bad review”

“You just talk too much” you snickered teasing him.

“What am I supposed to do? Sit there in silence and work?”

“Uh yes?”

“At least I’m not like you. Trying to get laid on the job”

“I was not”

“Dude you were looking at her like you wanted to go down on her”

“Jesus Christ angel”

“What?” He laughed narrowly dodging your playful shoulder slap “if it makes you feel any better she looked at you the exact same way”

“Well that’s good to know” you sarcastically retorted “I don’t even think she’s gonna text-“

Ding!

Em Haywood ❤️🐎: ‘So when can I see your pretty self again?’

“Don’t tell me that’s the carpet muncher”

“Shut up” you landed your shoulder slap this time “are you even allowed to say that?”

“Hey!” he swerved a bit before straightening the van back up “also, yes my best friend is a lesbian I get a pass or two”

“She asked when can she see me again” you smiled down at your phone.

“Tell her tonight”

“No” you scoffed “I don’t wanna seem too desperate”

“But you are…” he raised an eyebrow to you.

“Look at the road dude” you sighed when he complied “I am ugh I don’t know”

“Just say tonight. It’s okay, she’s the one who text you first. Plus we left her house like 15 minutes ago. If anything it’s her that’s desperate”

“Okay okay okay” you worried your bottom lip as you hesitantly typed a reply.

You: ‘How about tonight?’

“If she thinks I’m a creep you’re dead”

“You’re awesome nobody will think you’re a creep” Angel promised.

Em Haywood ❤️🐎: ‘Sounds good. Come over to mine?’

You: ‘See you after 7?’

Em Haywood ❤️🐎: ‘See you then 🤩’

You stayed mostly silent the rest of the car ride; occasionally cracking a joke with Angel or singing along to a song on the radio. Truthfully, you were in a daze.

It was strange actually. How could a girl you’d met an hour ago and who you exchanged barley 10 words with have you so hung up and nervous. There was something different about this one. Or maybe you were becoming delusional like Angel and his ex.

“Dude you are the worst when you have a crush” your best friend teased as you pulled back into Fry’s Electronics “you’ve been giving googly eyes to your phone since she text you”

“Do you think her strap is big?”

“Okay this conversation is over” he waved you off ignoring your delighted laughter.

You cursed quietly to yourself as you pulled up to the Haywood ranch. So many things rushed through your head. Anxiety had you strung tight, how long would it be before you snapped? You had the right to be anxious after all. You were in the middle of nowhere meeting up with a stranger who was probably going to kill you. You barley even thought this through. Why do pretty girls render you useless?

What if she’s a bad person? She could have lured many unsuspecting girls here. With her undeniable charm and convincing smile, she could’ve convinced you to do anything.

What if she thinks you’re a bad person? Or worse, boring. You placed your hand on the gearshift contemplating putting the car in reverse and hightailing it out of there, never to return. The generic jingle of your ringtone snapped you from your thoughts.

“Hello?”

“Don’t do it” Angel said without even greeting you.

“What are you talking about?” You took your hand from the gearshift and leaned back in your chair.

“I know you and I know you’re thinking about not going in right now”

“How did you know that?”

“Because I know you!”

“I can’t do this Angel” you confessed “I’m too nervous I don’t wanna embarrass myself”

“See now that’s literally impossible. You’d embarrass yourself by not walking in that house.” He was right. You hated when he was right. “Just talk to her about movies, you love movies”

“I don’t wanna talk her ear off.”

“It’s a first date who cares?”

“Date?” You shrieked “this is not a date!”

“You’re so bad at this.”

“I can’t do this, nah” you mulled over your choices: you can either go in and embarrass yourself or leave and embarrass yourself “Nope.”

“You didn’t even give yourself a chance” he offered “give yourself a chance”

“But what if it goes wrong”

“Let’s make a deal in 15 minutes I’ll call you and give you an excuse to leave if it’s going good just stay! Simple”

“Simple…” you nodded “okay yeah sounds good I’ll just do that” you took your keys out of the ignition “15 minutes Angel.”

“15 minutes and I’ll E.T phone home you”

You stopped your movements “you know you can just say phone home I know what the reference is”

“Of course you do…” your friends voice dipped out. The lights in your car dimmed until you were shrouded in darkness. You whipped your head around as the hair on the back of your neck stood up. Something within you stirred, somehow you knew you weren’t safe in that moment. It felt almost like a centuries long instinct within you was rising up. Telling you to get out of there. You breathed out slowly searching for the newcomer, you were quickly realizing that you weren’t alone anymore. The warm glow from the house became more and more muted until darkness overtook the structure. The incessant low buzz of electricity was absent. The emptiness of the countryside made the ringing silence all the more noticeable.

You took a shaky breath as you gripped your keys, ignoring the sharp metal digging into your palms. The dirt beneath your feet sunk under your weight as you stepped out of your car and surveilled your surroundings. Nothing. Nothing but darkness.

After a beat the house began emitting a warm glow lighting the area enough for you to see Em standing on the porch.

You faintly felt the vibrations of your phone turning back on.

“I thought I heard somebody out here”

“The power went out?” You sauntered over to her taking in how cute she looked under the stars.

“Yeah it does that sometimes” she supplied before turning back to the house. You shook your head ridding your mind of the odd occurrence and stepped into the antique house behind Em. The two of you soon stood before a liquor cabinet “would you like a drink? I got bourbon, tequila, vodka…”

You eyed the wooden cabinet before you as Em grabbed a couple of glasses and ice.

“I don’t really drink” you hummed turning to the girl as she sat the glasses on the table.

“I got weed” she tried.

Your matched smiles led the two of you to standing in a random room upstairs listening to records with the window open.

She took a long drag before handing the joint to you. She eyed whatever it was outside of her window as you stared at a poster on her wall.

“That horse is just hard headed” she shook her head as she sucked her teeth “I just wanna know how that nigga got out”

“How many horses y’all got?”

“Shit I don’t know at this point. Oj dumbass stay selling my daddy’s horses”

Your gaze was kept on the poster showing a clip of their great great great grandfather on a horse. Em gave you the rundown of her family as she rolled the joint the two of you were smoking.

You were so distracted that you hadn’t realized your companion moving from the window to the space just behind you. You felt a comforting heat radiating from her body as she lightly pressed against the back of you. Her hand stretched past you and pointed to one of the frames.

“Allegedly this frame got fucked up, but they decided to keep it in” her breath brushed against your sensitive ears. She smelled like vanilla and cherries mixed with fresh wood and weed. You deeply inhaled letting her scent intoxicate you. You slowly turned around, words dying on your lips finding her closer than you expected. Her nose brushed against yours as her hands softly gripped your hips.

Her lips were as soft as they looked you realized once they covered yours. She breathed you in, pulling you closer than you were before. Your begging hands tangled in her fro as you repeated her movements and pulled her closer. Electricity surged down your body as she walked you back to the waiting bed. The two of you refused to pull away from each other as your back pressed against the cold plush linen. Your mouths continued moving against each other — soft wet tongues massaging the other. Her kiss was so passionate it felt as if she was stealing the oxygen from your body. But you weren’t complaining. She briefly pulled away, her chest heaving as she took you in.

“I’m sorry I just-“ she cut herself off pressing her mouth back against yours. Her skilled tongue slipped into your mouth once again, this time with more vigor. Your bodies pressed heatedly against each other as your heartbeats began drumming in tandem. You could taste her desperation you could feel her desperation as her hands began pulling your shirt up. Her warm hands lingered on your belly, she ran her finger tips across your warm skin. Butterflies fluttered in their wake. Her sensual touch dragged across your belly before moving up to your breast.

A melodic sound filtered through the air. It pulled you from the pleasure you were receiving but only for a second. Soon the sound was gone and you were plunged back into the promise land of bliss. She didn’t waste time going back to feeling every exposed part of you. Her hand slipped under your bralette. Warm fingers brushed against your nipples making them hard. A long awaited moan climbed up your throat. She smiled against your lips.

I smiled once again hearing your desperate moans fill the air. They sounded like music and I was prepared to listen to your song forever. You felt so right beneath me. Like you were meant to be there.

I couldn’t help myself from trailing my lips down to your waiting neck. Inhaling the sweet scent you gave me only made my panties grow wetter in anticipation. I resisted the urge to grind my hips down against yours. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t searching for some sort of relief. From the moment I saw you standing there staring off into the clouds I knew I had to be near you. I had to say something to you or I feared the moment would have passed me by.

My phone began ringing again. This time I groaned in frustration, pulling away from my honey suckle I put my phone to my ear.

“What?”

“There is a bug on camera 1”

“What?” I rolled my eyes as I realized what the peculiar tech guy meant “man I told you to stop watching our shit”

I stood up shooting an apologetic look to you. You only shook your head a bashful smile on your face. I watched as you sat up and straightened your shirt then you moved to fixing your hair. We’d only been kissing for 5 minutes and you already looked fucked out. I wanted to see how you’d look after I had my way with you. Showing you just how much I like you. Showing you how pretty you are to me.

“Yeah but camera two is out” he exclaimed nervously “like ancient fucking aliens out”

“Shit!” My heart dropped to my stomach as I sprinted out of the room only Oj on my mind.

You could only sit and watch as Em abruptly left the room phone in hand. You wanted to be angry but there was something in her voice that made an uneasy feeling stir in your body.

Staring out of the window you saw what looked like sand and dust falling from the sky… or being sucked up into it. No. That can’t be it.

You squinted your eyes trying to catch a better glimpse. Em’s vocie echoed from outside.

“OJ ITS IN THE CLOUDS” her urgency startled you “RUN OJ RUN!” She continued with renewed exclamation.

Fear circle your body as you watched Oj run away from something you couldn’t quite see. Whatever it was it was big. It was angry and it was trying to suck Oj up into the sky.

You stood frozen watching the scene before you play out. Surely you had to be hallucinating. Were you simply sleep deprived. Was the weed you smoked laced with a foreign substance?

You didn’t have the chance to puzzle together what you were seeing because you were soon blacking out.

“Shit is she okay?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know I ain’t a doctor” Em brushed some of your hair back “first fine girl I get back to the ranch and this bullshit”

“We need to wake her up somehow” Oj’s gruff voice vibrates your ears.

“I’m gonna go get some wet towels”

A sharp pain shot through your head. Bright light poured into your retinas making a pain you never felt before rush through your head.

“Em come back she’s waking up”

“I’m coming I’m coming”

You groaned watching as 3 Oj’s changed to 2 then eventually 1. Em soon came into view. She dabbed your forehead with a cold wet towel.

“You okay pretty girl?” She frowned continuing her actions.

“Angel” you muttered.

“That’s cute she thinks I’m an angel” Em cooed, her eyes growing soft as she felt her heart melt.

“Angel” you groaned again still struggling to regain consciousness. Your phone was vibrating off the hook. No doubt it was Angel calling to check on you.

“I think she talkin’ about Angel”

“Oh.”

You dragged your phone from your back pocket and wearily dragged your finger across the screen to accept his call.

“Oh my god you’re alive!”

“Did you get that on film?” You croaked eager to see if your friend had also witnessed the spectacle.

“No. There was a fucking praying mantis!” He replied.

“Fuck.”

[angy-mouse]

How to Become A Puck Bunny 1/3

5.8k, unprotected sex, plus size reader, foursome, spite/revenge sex, coming inside, face sitting, upside down spit roasting, major praise, minor degradation, AND THIS IS CHAPTER ONE

The bitch is back.

Breakups were hard. You thought college would be easier, thought you were more mature, but you still spent the weekend crying and watching shitty romcoms with your roommate, cursing out the bastard together. But on Sunday, when you were out of tears and, really, quite upset with yourself for moping over him, you came to the conclusion that you were an adult. As such, you were going to handle this maturely.

So you showered, threw on your favorite sundress, and drove to the rival school with hopes of ruining his life.

You’ve been to VAL University hundreds of times. Even when there weren’t official games scheduled, your ex’s team would race over any chance they got for a ‘friendly’ practice match with their sworn enemies. It was always 50/50 whether you’d end up having victory sex in his Honda, or he’d mope the entire drive back. That was about to change.

The rink was always cold to keep the ice, but with your extra pudge it barely affected you- surely not enough to warrant putting on- you shuddered- jeans. No, you were fine. In fact, with the ice bare, you had half a thought to rent some skates and just enjoy yourself, and forget about your plan. Then you remembered the endless jokes about how you had more blubber than a walrus, and you marched on. 

You knocked on the locker room door with all the confidence you could muster. “Woman approaching! Is it safe?”

“NO, DON’T COME IN!”

“Calm the fuck down, Sapnap!” 

“I’M NAKED!”

“Oh my god,” rang out as the door creaked open, broad, bare shoulders blocking your view inside. You recognized him as the captain as he blinked down at you. “I know you,” he mused. “B Tech. Nineteen’s girl, right?”

“No. Well- not anymore.” You offered him your hand and your name, watching him completely change with the new information.

“Punz,” he gave in return, bringing your hand up to his lips. He leaned against the door frame and puffed up his chest, and you couldn’t help the mental comparison to a peacock. No matter the sport, men were very much the same: the opportunity to woo an enemy’s girl was golden. “So sorry to hear you broke up, but, y’know, we always wondered how that douche got a gorgeous girl like you to cheer for him. If you need a shoulder to cry on, the team-”

You plucked your hand from his and reached into your purse. “I’m not crying over a cheater, I just-”

“Say no more,” Punz said confidently, turning to yell over his shoulder. “Get dressed, we’re gonna go kill a techie!”

“Fuck yeah!”

“No- Punz,” you snapped, clicking your fingers in front of your lips and watching him snap to attention like a dog. “Focus. I’m not here to order a hit on my ex.”

He clicked his tongue, disappointment painted on his face. “Scratch that, boys: no killing.” The groans echoing out of the locker room almost made you rethink your stance on the matter, but you had better things in mind. 

You pulled the folded up pieces of paper from your purse and held them in front of your heart. “This is everything I remember about B Tech’s strategy. Offense, defense, how to get away with penalties, gossip for chirping-” Punz was practically drooling and reached for the papers, only for you to hold them behind your back- as if that could really stop him, but he was a gentleman, and he knew how this game was played.

“What’s your price?”

“I’m going to be at your next game,” you said carefully. “Wearing one of your team’s jerseys. And when you destroy us, I want you to let all of his teammates know it was because he couldn’t keep his pants on.” You reached out, tapping the pages against his bare chest. “And maybe a bit of chirping about how I was right to dump him, and he’s an idiot for screwing up wouldn’t hurt.”

A malicious grin spread across his lips. “You’re evil,” he mused, leaning down to brush his lips along the shell of your ear. “I like that in a woman.” He chuckled at the shiver that ran through you, plucking the papers from your hand and beginning to read. “Anything specific you want us to use? Oh, please tell me he can’t get it up, that would make my fucking day-”

“Unfortunately, no, but he did tell me every time we argued that he was the only one who would settle for a girl as big as me-”

“DID SOMEONE SAY BIG GIRL?!” You jumped as a head of fluffy brown hair shoved past Punz in the doorway. “Hi, my name’s Sapnap, I can bench two-twenty, and I’d like to die by suffocating in pussy-”

“Get back, you heathen!” You wouldn’t be surprised if steam was coming off your cheeks as Punz slapped a hand over Sapnap’s face and tried to shove him back into the locker room. “I saw her first!”

“Only because you answered the door!”

“That’s what you get for sitting around in your underwear after practice!”

You felt a chill run down your spine just before a hand came down gently on your shoulder, looking back to find a third teammate. “They always fight for a while,” he mused with a smile that made you melt. “Figured it would be quicker to go out the other door and come around.” You let the hand on your shoulder gently spin you around to see the jersey he held with ‘SAM’ emblazoned on the back. “Let’s see how this fits you, hm?” 

You’ve never felt smaller than when Sam pulled his jersey over your head and dressed you like a doll, letting the fabric fall to your knees with a chuckle. “There you go,” he hummed, letting his big hands settle on your hips- not holding, but resting. Somehow you knew he would need permission to hold you properly, and you were ready to give it to him eagerly. “Your cheeks are going red, sweetheart,” he teased, reaching up to pet over the hot skin with the back of his hand. “Why don’t you let me buy you some cocoa to warm you up, hm?”

“Hey, I was going to suggest that! Let me buy you cocoa, sugar- and something to eat!”

“I’m the captain, so I get to buy her whatever she wants, got it? And she should be wearing my jersey!”

“Your jersey smells like ass!”

“I WILL GUT YOU!”

You internally wondered when the last time you’d had guys literally fighting over you was, and came to the conclusion that it was never. That was something that only happened in cheesy love triangle novels, you thought, but here you were watching the two go at each other with more enthusiasm than they showed on the ice. You could feel it swelling your ego- felt it in the throbbing between your legs as Sam wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, pressing his lips against the crown of your head to mask the way he took in your scent.

“Um, cocoa sounds nice,” you managed out, watching Sapnap and Punz freeze like two dogs being called off by their master. “And I could go for some food… and maybe some sour gummies?” You hoped they understood what you meant, hoped they could read between the lines and didn’t just think you were hungry. The three looked between each other, and you knew they got it as they stopped trying to kill each other in favor of taking your hands in theirs. 

“Anything you want, sugar,” Sapnap promised, starting to tug you out of the rink.

“Yeah, you just let us take care of you, alright?”

“Don’t you worry, bunny, we’ll make you forget all about what’s-his-face.” Punz’s hand landed on your hip with the promise, trying to convey his thoughts without having to say them and risk getting slapped. You hesitated only long enough to glance at all the handsome faces looking at you adoringly. 

“Wait until that bastard hears about this.”

“That sounds really good.”

Sam scooped you off your feet without a second thought and spun on his heel. “Thank god, I thought I was going to have to jerk off in a nasty public bathroom. Punz, get the fucking door.” He brought his lips down on yours, kissing you far more gently than you’d ever expected. You clutched his collar tightly, even though the thick arms supporting you told you that you were perfectly safe. His soft lips parted against yours as he walked, slow and gentle as you eagerly welcomed his tongue. 

Even when you realized they wanted you, you didn’t expect this. You figured fucking the rival hockey team would be a masturbatory event: let each of them fuck up your pussy, maybe come yourself, and absolutely no kissing. But Sam’s lips didn’t leave yours as he found his way back into the locker room, and there was a hissed ‘careful’ as Sapnap’s broad hand cupped the back of your head to protect you from the door frame. Sam fell back onto the bench blindly, giggling at your scared squeak as he pulled you to straddle his lap. Something big pressed against your core, pulling a gasp from your lips as it twitched against your clit, seeking out your heat. Sam’s lips trailed down your jaw and as Punz gently tilted your head back to claim your lips the second they were available, you wondered how many of your other assumptions were wrong.

Where Sam’s kiss was gentle and exploring, Punz took your mouth like he was fucking it, tongue diving as deep as it could reach and tasting every crevice in your mouth like you were an expensive delicacy. His lips were constantly twitching into a smirk against yours as you refused to fight for the dominance he eagerly took, and you didn’t have the strength to tell him it was because Sam was fucking you through your clothes, rolling his hips under you so perfectly you were afraid you might come from your lacy panties rubbing your clit. His hands wove into your hair- as if you needed to be held in place, you scoffed- but while his grip was firm it didn’t feel rough or controlling- it felt perfect.

You had just thought that Sapnap must prefer watching when thick fingers landed on your thigh, caressing the skin tenderly as he inched your skirt up, up, up. “Fuck,” he hissed, groping a handful of your scantily-clad ass. “You come here hoping to get fucked, sugar? Or are you just always this dressed up?”

You scratched your nails up Punz’s jaw, earning a deep growl against your lips before you found his hair and pulled him off you, letting out a breathy chuckle as you caught your breath. “Maybe it… crossed my mind,” you admitted, a devilish grin stretching your lips as Sam laughed against your collarbone. You cut it short by grinding down on him, earning a cuss from both him and Sapnap, who you were convinced was newly obsessed with your ass.

“You wearin’ too much, bunny,” Punz declared, combing his fingers through your hair, dull nails running along your scalp. “Gonna let us see you?”

It did something to you that even the brash captain that spent half his games in the penalty box, who just fucked your mouth with his tongue, was asking so kindly for permission as he made sure he didn’t knot your hair in his gripping. “What are you waiting for,” you mused with a grin as you rolled your hips against Sap again, “a strip tease?”

Punz grinned right back at you as he leaned down, gliding his hands down your sides as he pressed his lips against the tender skin of your neck. “Next time,” he promised before wrapping his arms around your waist and lifting you into the air. He laughed from deep in his chest as you shrieked, taking your smacks in stride as you floundered. “We’re just getting your panties off, bunny,” he chimed in a teasing voice as Sam’s fingers slipped under your waistband. He couldn’t resist leaning forward, placing a wet kiss over your clothed pussy before pulling the stringy lace down your legs, directly into the duffle bag under the bench.

You snapped your leg out to lightly kick his side before Punz set you back down to yank the rest of your clothes over your head. “I’m wearing those out of here, don’t get any ideas.” The gasping moan that wracked your body as his clothed cock settled against your bare pussy may have undermined your point.

“We’ll see,” he teased, letting out a low whistle as Sapnap figured out your bra clasp and let it fall. “Fuck, now ain’t that a sight.”

Punz let out a sound of agreement before plastering himself to your back again. None of them touched you, though. They simply looked in awe, clothed bulges twitching against you as they admired your form. You’ve never felt more like a piece of art, and you just knew that was how they were seeing you- you could get used to it, though.

“Here,” You looked over in confusion as Sapnap dressed you again, realizing he was shirtless. “I-” he sheepishly started, getting distracted as his jersey fell over your form. “Well, anyone could walk in. And… you look good in our color.”

“Oh,” you practically swooned, reaching your hand up to cup his scruffy cheek. “That was cute.”

“I’d look even better if you finally kissed me.” It didn’t make sense, but that didn’t matter when his lips were pressing against yours so shyly, gentle and soft as his hands wandered your body before settling on your hips, fingers digging into the meat of your ass like an anchor. 

You moaned into his mouth as Punz’s fingers found your clit, rolling it between his fingers just to hear the whining noises you made. Sam pushed past to sink two fingers into your pussy, cursing under his breath as your tight heat instantly soaked him, wrapped around his fingers like a second skin as he gently worked you open. “Fuck, she’s wet,” he reported, making Sapnap moan desperately into your mouth.

Sapnap pulled his tongue out of your throat, grabbing Sam’s wrist and taking the fingers coated in your slick into his mouth. Your hips jumped against Punz’s hold as the sight sent lightning through your nerves, especially when he moaned at your taste, pulling off Sam’s fingers to drop wet kisses along your collar. “Knew it,” he muttered, nuzzling the soft skin of your neck. “Sweet as sugar. Need more of you, bunny. You gonna sit on my face for me?”

Something about the way he asked had you nodding furiously. For me. As if it was for his pleasure. He laid on the bench with his feet braced on the floor that made you wonder how wild he expected you to ride. Punz and Sam helped you maneuver, but you struggled to find how you were supposed to do this. There was space on either side of his head for your knees, but his broad shoulders covered where you would put your calves and feet. Luckily, Sapnap decided for you with a click of his tongue. “I ain’t ask you to hover,” he chided, knocking your knees off the bench with a single move. “Sit, bunny.”

You came crashing down on his face and realized this was for his pleasure. You felt it in the way his mouth enveloped your pussy, sucking on your clit and diving his tongue past your folds. His moans were better than any vibe you owned as he ate you like a man starved, thick arms wrapped around your thighs to hold you down against him. He didn’t need to- you lost control of your legs by the time he learned you liked it when he rolled his tongue against your clit. 

You had to blink tears out of your eyes to realize you were gripping Punz’s hips for dear life as he brushed your hair out of your face. “Hi, bunny,” he whispered when he saw recognition in your eyes, shit-eating grin growing wider as Sapnap started fucking you with his tongue, sending moan after moan spilling from your lips. “God, you look so cute like this. Can’t handle it? You just let us know when you want off the ride, bunny.”

Something about the condescending tilt in his voice fueled you, made you want to see him as fucked dumb as you. You yanked on his workout shorts, pulling them down in a single move and almost poking your eye out when you revealed he wasn’t wearing underwear. He simply kept petting your hair with that smug grin as he watched you marvel at his thick cock, standing proud with a leaking red head.

“Fuck, you’re pretty.”

You hadn’t meant to say it, but you were glad you did as Punz’s cheeks turned redder than his tip. He pulled his gaze from yours, hand coming out of your hair to cover his mouth. You didn’t realize you were clenching around Sapnap’s tongue until he pulled it out. “Whatever the fuck you’re doing, she likes it,” he snitched before diving back into your pussy. His words only made Punz burn brighter, and you decided you liked him like this: the big, bad power-forward reverted to a blushing teenager. You took him into your mouth without a second thought, lapping your tongue over his head as you gently coaxed your throat open to take him.

“Fuck, bunny,” he hissed, hips jumping in your hold as he pinned his bangs back with a clenched fist. “You tryna fucking kill me?”

“Do it,” Sam chirped, grinning wide as your eyes landed on his fist pumping his long cock. “We won’t tell,” he promised with a wink, catching a pretty pink lip between his teeth as he dragged his thumb over his leaking slit.

“Fu- aah fuck! Fuck you! Both of you fuckers!” His hand instantly came up to your cheek, cupping it gently. “Not you, bunny, you just keep fucking sucking me like that-”

“I ain’t do shit,” Sapnap called out, pulling off of your pussy with a loud smack of his lips that made you blush. “Man can’t even eat pussy without being accused- mmf!” With a handful of dark curls holding him in place, you parked your cunt squarely on his mouth, grinding down on him with more force than you would’ve ever considered using on such a delicate area, but you were just so close, and he moaned so prettily when you did it, you couldn’t make yourself feel any remorse. He tilted his chin to catch you, tongue working eagerly against your walls, licking his way as deep inside of you as he could. 

You fell forward as you came, Punz falling out of your mouth and forearms catching yourself on the bench as your hips bucked wildly against Sapnap’s face, vulgar moans bouncing off the locker room walls and surely echoing into the rink, but you couldn’t care about that when the most intense orgasm of your life was hitting your body like a tsunami. Your feet on the ground on either side of the bench had been keeping your weight from totally crushing Sapnap’s skull beneath you, but that stopped when your walls started shaking like a nudist in Alaska, clenching down on his tongue as your full weight eased down on his head.

“Fuu-haaa,” you panted out, open palm smacking down on the wood above your head as your orgasm seemed to never end. Sapnap’s grip on your thighs kept you grinding against him even as you swore you couldn’t move a muscle, drinking your cum like nectar. “Can’t- no more!”

Rough hands scooped you up instantly and laid you out on your back, rubbing over your soft stomach that quivered as your nerves lit on fire. “You’re alright, bunny,” Sam cooed with a sunshine-inducing smile that felt completely out of place aimed at your half-nude form. “Sap ate you real good, huh?” He chuckled as you shakily nodded, finally starting to come off your high as he moved to knead your sore thighs. “Yeah, he’s a pussy fiend, ain’t he? Think you got one more in ya, bunny?”

For a brief moment you wanted to say no, but the second you laid eyes on his thick cock smearing pre on his own thigh, you decided maybe you were a cock fiend. You reached down and pulled Sapnap’s jersey up, exposing your still quivering, slick-soaked cunt for his eyes as he devoured the sight. “If you let me walk out of here without getting fucked,” you muttered, pushing past the heat that took over your cheeks, “I’ll never forgive you.���

His lips dipped to catch yours as he bunched the jersey around your waist, adjusting you how he wanted until his weeping tip found your pussy. You could’ve cried at how thick he felt as he breached your entrance- in fact, you might have- as just the first few inches stretched your walls around him, spreading you open like it was your first time again. His breath was hot as he cussed against your lips, hand slapping down on the bench end above your head for leverage and to let you become entranced by the thick muscles of his arm as he strained to have some self-control and not fuck you open like a toy. 

“Fuck, that’s some godly pussy,” he hissed against you, hips pulling back only to snap another two inches into your tight heat. “You better not run back to your little techie after this, bunny- I’d chase your ass down to fuck you again.”

Your lips twitched into a smile against his, rolling your hips to coax another shallow thrust out of him. “Who?”

He laughed, pressing into you until your hips slotted into his. “That’s a good bunny.” The wooden bench audibly strained under his grip before he started fucking you in earnest, picking a hard pace as if he knew you craved the dull pain almost as much as the pleasure. You couldn’t contain the moans that poured out of you as his cock lit up your nerves, brushing along your g-spot and pressing against your walls, forcing them to take him. 

“Sam,”

His hips didn’t falter as he glanced up with a hum that quickly turned into a chuckle. He pressed his lips to your clavicle, nosing your collar aside in search of more skin. “Punz wants to fuck your throat, baby,” he chirped, growling as your walls clenched around him at the promise. “Ooh, she wants it, Punz. I think this cute little bunny likes being fucked like a whore.”

“She was sucking my cock like one a second ago,” you heard above your head. Sam’s hips pressed as tight against you as he could manage, thick cock twitching millimeters from your cervix with one hand gripping the fat of your ass and another supporting your back as he lifted you off the bench. He did his best to stay pressed deep inside you, but his cock still rocked ever so slightly, ever so deliciously against your sensitive walls as he moved you both down the bench until when he set you back down your head fell off the end. Punz grinned down at you as he dropped to his knees, pressing an upside-down kiss to your lips. “There’s my bunny,” he purred, letting out a surprised chuckle as you instantly groped for his cock, wrapping your fingers around him and guiding him to your mouth. “God, the three of us might not be enough for her. We gonna have to call the whole team back to fuck you, bunny?”

You wanted that so badly. You were instantly flooded with thoughts of sitting naked on this very bench every week, legs spread for anyone who decided they needed a little luck before a game. Not only that, but you’d let them dress you in nothing but one of their cum-stained jerseys and put you in the penalty box to make their time a little easier, push you up against the glass to show your ex’s entire team how eager you were for cock when it could actually make you come. You almost told them as much, but as soon as Punz was tucked into your mouth, Sam started fucking you again, and you realized you might not make it through just three of them.

Sam wrapped his hands around your thighs, fingers digging into the fat almost reverently as he hooked your knees over his arms to spread you open, lifting your hips just enough that he stabbed your g-spot with every vicious thrust. “There it is,” he purred as the pitch of your moans changed, muffled around Punz’s thick cock that stretched your lips as he eased his way deeper into your throat until your nose was pressed against his balls. “Reckon I can get two from her and one from you before I come.”

Punz managed to scoff, but it was choked and cracked in the middle as you eagerly praised every new inch of cock that he fed you, nails digging into his thick thighs to keep him from pulling too far away. “If her pussy’s half as good as her mouth, you’re fucked.” Sam merely raised a brow, turning his head to press wet kisses along your calf as his expression remained calm and controlled, the sweat on his brow the only sign your pussy was trying to milk him. “Fuck it- twenty?”

“Bet.” Sam’s grin was downright evil as the hands on your thighs slid up your form, pushing your jersey all the way up to your collarbone, fingers skimming your soft skin like an unspoken prayer. “You’ve got the prettiest tits, bunny.”

Just as you thought you might have actually smothered Sapnap, he leapt off the bench like he’d been shocked, stumbling until he fell to his knees next to you. “No fuckin’ fair,” you heard distantly as Sapnap’s lips fell to the soft swells of fat. Some kisses were soft and wet, others he opened his mouth to suck on the skin and sink his teeth into you ever so gently, just enough to satisfy whatever primal urge had taken him over. Sam’s harsh thrusts didn’t deter him- if anything, he reveled in the way they made your tits jiggle against his face and in his hand as he rushed to give attention to the neglected breast. 

“Only thing the bastard loves more than a juicy pussy,” Sam chuckled, threading his fingers through the other’s brown curls, “is a pair of fat tits.” Sapnap groaned against your skin as Sam yanked on his hair, making a moan fall from your throat and vibrate around Punz’s cock as you realized what Sam was thinking. “What, you need help finding her fucking nipples? Don’t keep bunny waiting!”

“Spoken like someone who hasn’t made her come,” Sapnap scoffed, even as he wrapped his lips around a pebbled bud. His tongue washed over your skin and he sucked like he was hungry, calloused fingers plucking at the other nipple like he was trying to find all the different sounds you could make with Punz’s cock in your throat.

“Fuck, that’s not fair,” Punz hissed, wrapping a thick hand around your neck and groaning as he felt your throat move in time with the shallow thrusts he gave, heavy and thick on your tongue. “‘M gonna come down your throat, bunny, you give me a good smack when you want me off you, yeah?” You heard the smile in his voice as you eagerly nodded, knowing you weren’t going to hit him unless you started seeing spots. 

You’d always dreaded giving your ex head because you thought dick just tasted gross, and he was too rough, but you were quickly becoming addicted to having Punz in your mouth. He tasted clean, but manly, and you didn’t care to analyze what exactly that meant when he was fucking your throat so gently, shallow and steady thrusts that never pulled out more than an inch before he dove back into your wet cavern.

You didn’t bother warning them when you felt the knot in your stomach twisting tighter again, only ground your hips against Sam’s and pulled Punz deeper into your throat. Sapnap’s teeth scraping against your nipple is what tips you over the edge, fluttering walls clenching down on Sam’s cock as he pounded you through it with a deep groan. You felt it coursing through your nerves like a wave that just kept washing over you, and just when you thought your arousal might curb a bit, Punz was pushing as deep as he could get and his cock was jerking in your throat.

“Fuck,” he gasped out as you swallowed around him, throat hugging his cock impossibly more as you drank him down. He forced out a strained chuckle along with a moan as you moaned around him, caused by Sapnap pinching your nipple. “She takes dick like a fucking champ. Fuck the team, you’re ours now, bunny. Our personal puck bunny whore, huh?” His teeth came down on his lip, holding back a smile as you let out another moan, trying to open your throat for him. “Ooh, she likes that.” You whimpered as he pulled away, nails scratching marks into his thighs as you tried to pull him back in, but he was so much stronger than you- which only made you want to suck him off more. “I promise you can suck me off again later, bunny, but I think it’s turnin’ purple.”

Thick fingers wrapped around your throat gently, no more than a soft guidance, and pulled you to lean up as Sapnap pried his mouth off your breast. “Come here, sugar,” he drawled with a lazy grin, the kind you got when you were just happy to be where you were doing what you did. “I can keep that mouth busy.” His lips slanted over yours, slightly chapped but so plush, as his hand switched breasts to tease the nipple he’d been sucking on. His tongue licked over your bottom lip curiously, as if he was wondering if you’d let him in, even as he rolled your nipple between two rough fingers.

Sam’s lips pressed against your collarbone as you let Sapnap invade your mouth with the taste of your cum still on his tongue, mint and strawberries hiding underneath your heavy flavor. “Need you to come one for time for me, bunny,” he murmured against the skin, lips skimming towards your breast. “One more and Punz’s gonna pay for all the cocoa and candy you can eat.”

His lips wrapped around your previously dry nipple as Punz scoffed out a ‘like I wasn’t going to already,’ behind you that made you smile into Sapnap’s mouth, which made him smile back. Sam’s pace changed to something a little softer, a little faster as he worshiped your breast with his tongue. Everything suddenly felt so much softer, to the point that it almost scared you. The way Sapnap’s fingers strummed at your nipple and how Sam’s hips rolled against you was still as deliciously hedonistic as you could ever want from an affair like this, but you identified the flavors on Sapnap’s tongue as gum and strawberry chapstick, and Sam kissed over your breast like he was praising it. You didn’t understand how something as filthy as a spur of the moment foursome in a men's locker room could feel so domestic, but this time as the feeling in your gut swelled, so did the one in your chest.

“Close,” you muttered breathlessly against Sapnap’s lips, trying to pull his tongue deeper to choke on it. Sam hummed against your nipple to signal he heard you, and a fifth hand entered the situation to rub firm circles over your clit. You were rendered silent as you came, gasping into Sapnap’s mouth as Sam carried you through it carefully, leaving your breast and shooing Punz off your clit to not overstimulate you.

“You need me to pull out, bunny,” he asked breathlessly, thick fingers holding desperately onto your thighs to restrain himself until he got an answer. “Fuck, ‘m sorry, baby, I meant to grab a condom-”

“‘M good,” you managed out as Sapnap pressed kiss after kiss to your now swollen lips. “On the pill- mm, Sapnap, please- buy me Plan B.”

“I’d buy you a fucking Challenger to fuck you raw again,” he muttered out, pushing your legs closer to your chest for a better angle to hammer into you as he finally focused on his own pleasure. His hips stuttered against yours as he came, pressing deep inside you as he pumped you full of cum with a deep groan. Sapnap caught your head as it fell back, jaw dropped in a silent moan as the hot feeling seeped into you, warming you from the inside out as his cock jerked inside you. 

Sam panted against the inside of your knee as he came down from his high, letting out a breathy laugh. “I guess I have to give your panties back after all.”

You burst into giggles as Sapnap smacked Sam’s head, the two of them quickly devolving into a slap fight. “Don’t fucking hit each other with bunny literally caught in the middle,” Punz shouted, pressing himself against your back in a motion that was becoming familiar, wrapping his arms around your waist and gently pulling you off Sam’s cock, listening intently to your miniscule noises as he dragged against your sensitive insides. He pulled you onto his lap, resting his chin on your shoulder to watch the two fight. It wasn’t until Sapnap put the still half-naked defenceman into a full nelson that a thought occurred to your blissed-out mind.

“Sapnap-” 

He perked up like a puppy, smiling as if he wasn’t trying to choke-out his friend. “Yes, sugar?”

“You didn’t…”

A dark flush spread across his cheeks, hold loosening enough for Sam to break free and pull his pants on. “You don’t gotta worry about me, alright, sug’? I came in my pants when you started riding my face like a bull.” He grinned wide as his words made your face burn almost as much as his, the feeling of Sam’s cum creeping out onto the bench making you burn even brighter. “Oi, what’d you do with her underwear, jackass?”

“I’m getting it, quit your bitching!”

Punz’s lips pressed against the soft spot behind your ear with a hum. “Y’know what this means, bunny?”

“What?”

His lips curled into a grin as Sam held up your panties like a trophy. “I think we owe you a hot chocolate.”

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

ted lasso 3.06, tedbecca thoughts--

i can’t believe jamie and roy got ted and rebecca’s amsterdam date night plot!!!!!!! (they were good at it, though.)

also, i’ve never irrationally hated anyone more than that objectively pleasant and hospitable bald dude, lololol. YOU ARE MY ENEMY FOR LIFE, SIR. I’M GONNA TAKE YOU OUT. I KNOW YOU’RE ACTUALLY A MURDERER OF TALL WOMEN AND THOSE CLOTHES WERE INDEED YOUR TROPHIES. I KNOW YOU SLEEP IN THAT PINK UNICORN BEDROOM. (not that there’s anything wrong with that, i guess.) YOU AND ME, WE’VE GOT BEEF. I’M GONNA DESTROYYYYYYYYY YOU! I WILL SINK YOUR BOAT LIKE YOU SUNK MY HEART.

the one thing that gives me the merest fragment of hope is the fact that they had ted wanting to hang out with rebecca and deliberately induced the pang of him trying to reach out to her while her phone was drowned. like people were supposed to be like “oh nooooo, rebecca is out falling for some other dude right now while ted wants to spend time with her!” in an episode that talked a lot about ......... triangles. (and you could possibly read the last scene as the first time ted has perceived rebecca as a sexual being, lol. and the energy of that scene was just a lot of fun in general!)

but i don’t know, mate!!! i feel like we’re on shaky ground. or maybe ... a boat. D:

i know rebecca made it seem like she was never gonna see bald boat guy again, but i’ve never once been that lucky in my television life. why would it start now??? BOAT GUY, YOU ARE MY ENEMY. I’VE NEVER MANAGED TO CLIMB INTO A TV AND DESTROY A FICTIONAL CHARACTER BEFORE, BUT YOU WILL BE THE FIRST. FOR THE CRIME OF BEING THE PERFECT SERENDIPITOUS ROMCOM LOVE INTEREST, I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE UPON YE.

(the rest of this episode was really fun! enjoyed it tremendously, especially the colin and trent scenes! and i’m glad rebecca got to have a perfect romcom fling! it just also terrified me to my very core.)

p.s. i hope dani got to see a tulip! 😢