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celestialrry · 3 years

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nerves

4.8k

HELLLLO IM WRITING THIS INTRO AND POSTING THIS WHILE FALLING ASLEEP SO ILL POST ALL THE DETAILS ADN ADD THIS TO MU MASTERLIST LATER I LOVE TOU ALL THANK YOU FOR FOLOWING AND REBLOGGIN KISSES FOT YOU ALL (this is like right after release of hs1 harry I think hope you enjoy mwah)

summary: Actress!Y/N goes onto a talk show, and the host has a surprise for her.

warnings: cursing, kinda sorta an anxiety attack?

Y/N was nervous.

This would only be the 5th talk show she’s ever gone on alone after being in the spotlight for a few years when her acting career took off. She started off with indie films and soon made her way to the red carpet, working with esteemed actors and actress’s she could only ever dream of meeting. It was pure bliss.

Of course, fame came with other struggles like hate from the media and random people on twitter, but at the end of the day she was so grateful she had the opportunity to be in the business. She loved getting into a character, finding out what makes them click, and fully emerging herself in whatever film she’s in. At the moment, she was promoting her new film, and being the lead, she had gone on a few talk show’s by herself, but they never failed to make her sick to her stomach. Having no one to turn to when it gets awkward, even not having body heat by her side in front of a live audience and a professional host made her body rack with goosebumps.

“Miss L/N?”

Her head turned towards the door of the dressing room she had been sitting in for 15 minutes alone, trying to get her nerves down. “Yes?’ She responded flashing a forced smile to the assistant standing in the door way. “They’re ready for you.” She nodded her head and stood up, brushing the non-existent dust off her long dress and tumbled a bit on her heels to follow the assistant that was already walking towards the side stage.

They instructed her to wait until her name was called, then walk onto stage and take a seat and have the show progress. So Y/N stood there, biting her bottom lip that was coated with clear gloss and her arms crossed around her waist, her heel covered toe tapping the floor in anticipation.

“Now welcome our very special, and gorgeous guest, Y/N L/N!” She heard Jimmy Kimmel announce and took a short breath before stepping through the automatically opening curtains. She smiled and waved at the people sitting in the audience, happy to see people supporting her, and greeted Jimmy before taking a seat on the loveseat closest to his desk.

“Y/N! Welcome, how are you feeling tonight?” He flashed a comforting smile at her.

She chuckled a bit due to her inability to not laugh in uncomfortable situations. “I’ll be honest with you Jimmy,” She said, adjusting herself in the seat. “M’ pretty nervous.”

“Nervous?” He asked. “Now, why would 2 time Emmy Nominee Miss Y/N L/N be nervous?” Jimmy teased.

Her eyes fell to the floor and her cheeks heated up before looking back at him. “Because,” She dragged out. “It’s always nerve-racking being on live TV.”

He just nodded and made a joke about feeling the same even though he does this every week.

“How are you feeling tonight?” She asked.

He smiled before resting his arms on his desk. “I’m feeling good, I have a surprise for you later, but I’m supposed to ask the questions now, will you let me?”

“Of course I will.” She smiled back.

Y/N met Jimmy the first year she really became “famous” and he had always been her favorite late-night talk show host just because he was never invasive or creepy. Her standards for hosts were quite low at this point. They continued on, promoting her new movie and such before he settled back in his seat.

“So.” He said.

“So.” She said back, raising a brow.

“I hate to ask you this, but I honestly am curious myself,” He began, and her anxiety creeped up just a bit. “Now, we dug through your old interviews, and it seems in every single one, when asked if you had a celebrity crush, your answer was Harry Styles?”

She simply nodded, her cheeks heating up again, and a small smile creeping onto her face at his name.

“I see that smile, Y/N.” Jimmy said, and she let out a laugh, her smile now wide.

“So, do you mind telling us why you like him so much, or should I say love him so much?” His brow raised.

Y/N laughed a bit more, just at her nerves, and took a breath. “Um, he’s always been such an inspiration for me to actually chase my career, I mean I knew him from when he was on X-Factor to be honest. Binged that show all the time when I was in middle school and to see a boy just 2 years older than me just go straight into being in one of the biggest boy-bands in the world was insane. He’s just so passionate about what he does and I admire him for that. Uh- from what I can tell he’s just very charming, sweet, funny, caring, and…” She trailed off her rant, biting her bottom lip just a tad.

“And?”

“He’s incredibly attractive.” She finished a smile on her face as she glanced at the floor again.

“Understandable. I think he’s a good looking man myself, met him a few times and got flustered,” Jimmy jokes before looking at Y/N. “What if I told you he was the surprise I had for you?”

Her brows furrow as she looks at the man sitting across from her. “What? Do you mean like a video-” She feels a tap on her shoulder.

Y/N turns around, still massively confused, and then she sees him.

Harry standing in a simple black suit and white button up, only a few of the buttons actually buttoned and her jaw drops. “Hello.” He says, smiling at her.

Her eyes are wide and she looks like a dear in headlights before her face falls into her hands, elbows resting on her knees, her breath erratic. “No, this isn’t- no. He’s not here.” She says into her hands and the crowd laughs. Everyone laughs.

“M’a bit offended you think I’m not really here, love.” Harry grins, and she pulls her face out of her shaking hands to see him.

She opens her mouth to say something and nothing comes out.

Harry Styles, her celebrity crush since the ripe age of 14, a crush thats lasted 8 years being 22 now, and she’s only seen him on screens her entire life. “Fuck.” Was all she can say. He laughs a bit at her starstruck appearance and turns to Jimmy. “She’s not normally like this, right?”

“Right.” The host jokes, looking back at the girl on the couch, and his smile diminishes a bit. Her eyes are watering and she’s trying to keep her composure but her bottom lip is trembling and Jimmy’s now worried he’s about to have a sobbing woman on live TV.

“You okay Y/N?” Jimmy asks and her head quickly turns to him and then back to Harry. “I-fuck, I’m sorry.” She tries to laugh it off. Tries not to think about how the man she’s loved even before she knew what love truly was, was standing in front of her right now.

“Don’t be sorry.” Harry says, slightly frowning but trying to keep a happy face. He’s standing in front of a girl he’s adored ever since he watched her first movie, for Christs sake, and she’s silently about to break down in front of him, because of him.

Before he can even properly introduce himself, she’s standing on her heels, wobbling a bit, and looking up at him. “Can I hug you?” She mouths, not wanting her question to be picked up on the mic on the back of her dress and before her mouth even closes he’s stepping towards her, big arms wrapping around her waist. Her arms find their way around his chest and her head is resting on his shoulder and her eyes are squeezed shut and she’s mouthing “Oh my fucking god. Oh my god.” Without realizing she’s facing the audience who laugh at her inability to not fangirl. His head dips as he hugs her, reveling in her touch, and then she’s pulling away, remembering they’re on live TV and she can give him a proper hug backstage after this is over when they don’t have to worry about appearances.

She’s still reeling when his hands slide off her waist and he sticks his hand out and says “It’s so nice to meet you.” She takes his calloused hand in hers and says “Same to you.” Blinking away unshed tears.

“Shall we sit then?” He asks and she looks at Jimmy admiring the moment before back at Harry. “You’re staying?” She blurts out before shutting her mouth abruptly.

“If you want me too.” He grins that grin she’s always been infatuated by and she nods, maybe too quickly. “Of course I do- yes,” She coughs. “Yeah, uh, please, let’s.”

They both plant themselves on the loveseat, Y/N taking the spot in which she was before and Harry sitting on the other end, keeping a distance between the two. She recomposes herself and sits up. Harry looks at her for a moment before looking back at Jimmy.

“How are y’Jimmy?” He asks.

“I’m doing well, proud of myself for inviting you, you’re the one person I’ve seen make Y/N go absolutely speechless here,” Jimmy jokes and Y/N groans and smiles, leaning her top half on the arm of the chair, her face in her hands before sitting back up. “How about you, Harry?”

“M’doing well, was very excited to see Y/N here and I’d hopefully say it’s the same for her.” He smiles looking at her, dimples flashing.

“Yeah!” Her voice squeaks. “You’re right. It’s the same for me. I-” She cut’s herself off from saying she’s shitting her pants at the moment. Figuratively, of course, but it’s not very appropriate. She still can’t believe this. Twitter is going to have a field day talking about how flustered Y/N was at this moment.

“Have something you want to say, Y/N? To Harry, more specifically?” Jimmy asks.

“Um,” She begins, locking eyes with Harry. “Did you hear, what I said, um, before you walked out here?”

The green eyed man nods.

Her hands start shaking again and she awkwardly laughs. “I’m sorry you heard that.” She apologizes.

“Why are you apologizing?” Harry asks her, tilting his head and Y/N was going to pass out. “I’m glad you think all those things about me, plus, it’s a nice ego booster to hear that you think I’m ‘incredibly attractive’.” He chuckles a bit, but truthfully he was happy his celebrity crush feels the same way about him.

She just laughs back and mumbles a “Thanks.” Before Jimmy starts up a conversation about whatever was going on at the moment.

Jimmy and Harry start talking about something and Y/N nods her head and laughs when it’s appropriate but she couldn’t process anything. Her hands were interlocked, shaking in her lap, and all she could feel was Harry. Harry sitting next to her, Harry breathing next to her, Harry waving his hands around while he spoke in front of her. It was all too much.

Suddenly his knee lightly knocked against her own. She abruptly turned to look at him, but he was still looking at Jimmy. So she assumed it was a mistake, until it happened again, and this time when her eyes looked to him, his met her’s and he gently and subtly moved closer to their thighs were touching. Y/N let the leg that was crossed over her other relax and fall to the couch, only her ankles crossed, and she swore she could hear his breath stop for a moment, but it was too quiet to be sure.

A few moments after they both had gained the courage to barely revel in each others touch, Jimmy was ending the show. Y/N doesn’t remember what she said or did before the camera cut off, she vaguely remembers waving to the audience but she’s not completely sure.

And then it’s over- just like that.

“This was so fun Jimmy, thank you for inviting me on.” Harry said, standing up (reluctantly) and going to give Jimmy a hug. Y/N on the other hand was watching the interaction and it all hit her like a wave again. Harry fucking Styles was standing in front of her. The men both turn to her as she stands up and she gives a weak smile and mumbles “I forgot I needed to text my assistant, m’sorry I’ll be back.” before speed walking behind the curtain and booking it to her dressing room. She quickly flips the “Do Not Disturb” side of the sign on the door to show and closes the door behind her, her breathing accelerating.

She barely makes it to the couch before bursting out in tears.

Y/N couldn’t really put a finger on whether or not they were tears of joy, sadness, embarrassment, or a combination of all 3. She’s pretty sure it’s the latter though. She slips her heels off and lies on the couch, her hands over her face with not so silent cries as she tries to calm herself.

Meanwhile, both Harry and Jimmy sensed that Y/N wasn’t just going to text her assistant. “Do you think- do you think I said something maybe?” Harry quietly asks the late night host as they walk behind the curtain and into a quieter hallway backstage. Jimmy simply shakes his head before locking eyes with Harry. “Have you seen any of the videos where she talks about you, Harry?”

He shakes his head no and the older man pulls out his phone, doing a quick scroll of his email before finding video file and opening it. “A couple of interns here made this combination of all the times she talked about you in her interviews.”We were gonna play it as you were coming out but her manager said it would be too embarrassing.” Was the only preface Jimmy gave before clicking play.

Y/N stood in an elegant emerald colored gown just off the red carpet, all done up for her first big movie premiere. An interviewer stands in front of her, holding a mic that the woman was moving between herself and Y/N. “So Miss L/N, we need some juicy secrets from the “It-Girl” herself. Who’s your celebrity crush?” Y/N looks at the floor, a shy smile on her face as the quietly says “Harry Styles.” The interviewer’s eyes widen and she chuckles a bit. “I feel you honey, what do you like most about him?” Y/N purses her lips slightly before speaking again. “Um, everything? I think he has a really good heart.” The interviewer makes a joke about how she likes his eyes instead and Y/N laughs, but anyone could tell it was forced.

The screen begins to play another clip.

Y/N is sitting on a couch with her co-stars of a movie she did a year ago, dressed in a classy blush colored suit, and they’re all playing a game with some other talk show host. “Let’s see who knows Y/N the best now, shall we?” The host asks, and looks down at the cards in his hand. “Who is her celebrity crush?” And almost immediately all of her friends were jotting down their answers on a white board. “That was fast,” The host laughs, as does everyone else. “Okay everyone, flip it around.” ‘Harry Styles’ was written on every single board. “Oh my god.” She smiles wide out of embarrassment and puts her face in her hands.

It reminds Harry of what she did when she first saw him.

“Y/N! Looks like you’re absolutely smitten with Harry Styles, aren’t you?” The host asks, and before she could even open her mouth, a co-star of hers was already speaking. “She’d play his songs in her trailer in the morning, full volume, and sing them as loud as she could. It was a good way to wake us all up.” He jokes, and everyone laughs at that. “Whenever he’d post a photo on instagram, or tweet something, I’d see tears in her eyes.” Another co-star speaks up. The audience laughs again and she looks to them. ‘I’m serious! Y/N absolutely adores him.” By this time Y/N’s face was out of her hands and she was sinking into the couch. “Are you embarrassed, Y/N/?” The host jokes “Of course not, well I didn’t want to get absolutely exposed, but I’m not embarrassed to be a fan, could never be embarrassed to be a fan of him, he’s… he’s amazing.”

The phone then fades into yet another clip.

This time, Y/N is sitting in a stool, doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview, and she tears off the second paper of the question, “Is Y/N L/N…” . “Is Y/N L/N,” she reads and the paper catches after the word “dating” is revealed. She looks up at the screen, a twinkle in her eyes as she shoots a close-mouthed smile at the camera. She turns back to the board and rips the paper off, struggling a bit and laughing, until it’s revealed. “Is Y/n L/N dating… Harry Styles” She bursts out laughing, her free hand clutching her stomach.

Harry frowns a but at this, and he didn’t feel like thinking more about why.

“Um,” She begins, “Sorry, I just- do I really talk about him, that much? S’a bit concerning.” She mumbles to herself. “Yeah, no, I’m not dating Harry Styles, he would never. Though, I like how people think it could be a possibility, thats quite funny. I’ll take the… hidden compliment, is that even the right phrase?”

The screen goes to another clip but Jimmy pauses it there and turns off his phone, turning to Harry. “You didn’t do anything Harry, it’s just you being here, she’s probably overwhelmed and-“

“Mr. Kimmel? Jones needs you.” Someone calls out to him down the hall and Jimmy slips his phone in this pocket and sighs. “Sorry, gotta handle this, thank you, for coming.”

“It’s okay,” Harry assures him, “Thanks for having me.” And at that Jimmy rushes down the hall in search of Jones, and Harry stands in the same spot

Harry knows how much he means to his fans, he’s seen them sob at concerts, break down at meet and greets, and when they tell him how much they love him when they run into him on the street. He knows this. But this felt different, for some reason. Maybe it was the burning feeling in his chest when she laughed off how he would never be with her, for what particular reason he has no clue (or just doesn’t want to address it), or how he couldn’t help but pop a dimple when he heard she loves his music. He wasn’t sure.

What he was sure of though, is that he needed to speak to her again, hug her for longer, actually get to know Y/N. So he walked into the main back room, walking down different halls until he came across the one that read “Dressing Room #4” and Y/N’s name scribbled in messy handwriting on the white board underneath. He knocked a little rhythm, and waited.

Y/N was still crying, to put it lightly. Maybe hyperventilating was the right word, because she was breathing quite fast, and there was a steady stream of tears flowing down her cheeks. She heard the knocks and attempted to calm herself down a bit, yelling out a “One second!” Before wiping under her eyes and walking to open the door. “Eliana,” She began, ready to wave her assistant way (not that she didn’t adore her, but Y/N needed to be alone before talking about everything), “Can you come back in like 15 minutes, I’m sorry I just need to-”

Her mouth closed when she saw Harry outside of her door, his small smile quickly fading into a frown as he took in her state. “Y/N I wanted to- are you okay?” He asked, stepping a bit closer, trying not to push any boundaries. When she didn’t respond and he saw her bottom lip quiver a bit, his chest clenched. “Can I come in? Can we talk?” He gently asked, eyes running over her puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks, and disheveled appearance.

She nodded and he walked in, and she gently shut the door behind him. He turned around to look at her and when his eyes met her’s, she couldn’t take it anymore. She let out a gut-wrenching sob and her face fell in her hands as she shook her head. “I-I’m so sorry, I’m sorry.” She choked out and he stepped towards her, his hand coming to rest on her elbow. “Y/N, please, don’t apologize.” And without thinking he took the last step towards her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her firmly, one of his hands cradling the back of her head. Her hands fell from her face and she held him back, arms wrapping tightly around his torso yet again.

As she cried into his chest, he mumbled a soft, “Breathe for me, love.”, and she tried to get her breathing to match his own deep breathes. “I’m sorry,” Y/N says for the millionth time. “I told you to stop apologizing, Y/N, you haven’t done anything wrong.” He frowns to himself, that burning feeling in his chest again. She reluctantly pulls away, and his hands remain on her arms as her own come up to wipe the tears flowing out of her eyes.

“You didn’t sign up to be here and have to deal with a crying fan, Harry.” Y/N sighs, finally looking up at him.

“Hey, I came because I wanted to see you, I’ve seen your movies and I think everything you’re absolutely incredible at what you do, and when Jimmy called asking if I could come to surprise you I jumped at the chance to finally meet you. I know what I signed up for.” He says, his thumbs rubbing the skin of her arms gently.

At his words she let out another sob, her shaking hands coming up to cover her face for a moment yet again. Harry’s eyes widened, he was telling the honest truth, and he didn’t think he said anything wrong. Y/N however, was seeing in person, how king he truly was, and it was just another reality check that the Harry she’s loved for so long really is the same in real life; it was too much to handle. “Thank you,” She sniffles, looking up at him again, meeting his piercing green eyes. “I just, I’ve adored you for years, still do, and I never thought I’d meet you, even after I started getting ‘known’, I always thought you were like, too perfect to be real, and now you’re here and you’re real, and y’know when you meet a celebrity who seems so sweet in interviews and all that but they turn out to be an absolute prick? It’s not like that, you’re the same person I’ve loved over a screen, I- you’ve been my inspiration for fucking years and I don’t know. It’s just a lot.”

Now her hands were on his arms and they stood there for a moment, just looking at each other.

“M’not perfect, Y/N.” Harry says softly. Y/n chuckles a bit, glancing to the side before meeting his eyes yet again. “I know, I know the ‘nobody’s perfect’ crap, but if you’re insistent on it, then I think you’re the closest thing there is to perfect, Harry.”

His cheeks turn pink at her confession, and a small smile weaves its way onto his face. “Thank you,” He finally says, before bringing her into another hug, this time her arms wrapped around his neck, and he bends down a bit to hold her tighter. “For everything you said, seriously, you’ve got no idea how much it means t’me.” He admits, still reveling in her touch. She slowly pulls away, noting in her head that he never seems to be the one to let go first. “Of course, wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.” She smiles weakly, still drained from all the emotions flowing through her. He just smiles at that, before his hand drags down her arm and he hold her hand, wordlessly pulling her over to sit on the couch.

He doesn’t let go of her hand as they sit quite close facing each other. “Do y’wanna hear a secret? It might make you feel better.” He suggests, cursing himself for being willing to do anything to see her smile fully. “I wish I could lie and say that it’s something I wouldn’t know, but I think I know a bit too much about you.” She says, letting out a small laugh, and he does too. “I promise you don’t know this.” He mumbles.

“Okay, go for it.” She says, holding his hand a bit tighter.

“Well, after you bolted here, Jimmy showed me a few of your interviews, and I wanted to tell you that you’re my celebrity crush too.”

Her jaw drops and her eyes widen, a face that looks eerily similar to when she saw him for the first time just an hour prior. “You saw my interviews?” She gasps, her voice cracking at the embarrassment of him seeing her shamelessly confessing her love for him about a million times. It was safe to say she didn’t hear the rest of his confession.

“That’s what you’re focusing on here?” Harry laughs and raises a brow at Y/N.

“What else is there to focus on,” She groans, taking her hand out of his and burying her face into her hands yet again. “I can’t believe Jimmy showed you that, I’m never coming on this show again.”

Harry grins, a dimple popping as he gently wraps his arms around her wrists, pulling her hands off her face. “Did y’hear what I said after that?” He asks softly, his eyes bring into her own. She shakes her head “no” in response and he takes a quick breath before telling her yet again.

“I said, you’re my celebrity crush too. I’ve watched everything you’ve been in and I think y’are absolutely amazing, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t think you’re beautiful, inside and out.”

Y/N’s jaw drops for the thousandth time that night.

“You’re fucking with me.” She deadpans, her face blank and mind swimming with emotions.

He frowns and squeezes her hands. “M’not, swear to you.”

She shakes her head in denial. There’s no way she was Harry Style’s celebrity crush. Not in a million years would she ever think those words would be spoken, much less even thought of.

“You don’t believe me?” Harry asks, his head tilting a bit to the side.

“I believe tha you’re just too nice and you feel bad for me, so that’s why you’re telling me this.” Y/N admits to him, a sad smile on her face.

“Really?” He asks, letting go of her hands and bringing one of his own to his pocket.

“Really. I appreciate it, I do, but you don’t have to try and make me feel less humiliated, I think we’ve already passed the point of no return.” Y/N says, laughing a bit.

“Mmm, okay,” He smirks. “Well that just won’t do. May I have your number?”

She raises a brow as he pushes his phone into her hands, already pulled up on a new contact. She types in her number and “#1 fan” in the name and hand the phone back to him. Harry laughs when he sees the contact name and saves it to his phone, then putting it back in his pocket.

“What was that?”

“What was what?” Harry muses, a teasing glint in his eye.

She purses her lips. “Why did you just ask for my number?”

“So I can contact you of course,” Harry smiles. “How else am I supposed to set up another date with you?”

“Another?” Y/N questions, her lips turning up.

“’m a gentleman of course, would never ask you out on a first date over the phone,” Harry calmly explains. “So would you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner tomorrow night?”

Y/n hesitates, unsure if this was still an ask out of pity. “You can meet me at my house, of course if you’re comfortable, and I’ll order us takeout to eat on my porch.” He continues, getting more exciting as he imagines how the date would go.

“What makes you think I’d say yes?” She teases and his mouth gapes.

“Oh fuck off.”

#I just used jimmy cause I didn't feel like making my own host up lolz #harry styles one shot #harry styles oneshot #harry styles #harrys styles imagine #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfiction #im literally half asleep but I needed to post this tonight #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n

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parvulous-writings · 3 years

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Illness is a Consequence // McCree x F!Reader

Request: Super new and ive read alot of your fics and your writings are so well written. This is my first req for Overwatch and I dunno if you done this yet but. Reader x A sick Mccree perhaps? Like he comes home after a long day and he starts to almost faint by the doorway what would the reader do? I just imagine her being caring, putting him under the blankets and just spoils him haha. She/her afab btw. No rush take your time 👉👈💖

Requested by: @fragolaaaaaaa

Summary: The request!

Warnings: illness (It’s very generic though)

Words: 1.4K

Notes: Can I just say 🥺. This is an amazing request, I loved receiving it! It also fills me with joy to hear you’ve been reading a lot of my fics! I hope this lives up to your expectations! My requests are currently open! My pinned post (found here) contains both a list of characters I write for, and a masterlist!

Not my gif

You had been in the Overwatch complex in some sense alone for the past three days. Of course you weren’t really alone, you had many other members of the entire force also in the building with you, but the man you had the closest connection with wasn’t there. He was off on a mission- assigned to him and a few other select members of the force. Unfortunately you were not one included on that list. So, all you could do was wait for your beloved to return to you, hopefully unscathed. You were currently walking back from the canteen, a few brownies in one hand. You didn’t know what they put in those brownies, but damn were they good. You turned down several corridors, chowing down on your little evening snack, heading towards the quarters that you and Jesse were recently given to share.

It looked mostly like every other sleeping quarters in the complex- shared or otherwise- with monotonous grey walls and grey floors, though the pair of you were lucky enough to have a window that looked out over the training grounds of the complex. The room was also filled with stray belongings of yours and Jesse’s, some of you shoes, a couple of stray ponchos. It wasn’t messy, but at the same time it could be cleaner. Regardless of that, you still thought it was one of the most homely places you could be. You grabbed one of the discarded ponchos, not caring for it’s cleanliness, wrapping it around your shoulders to relax yourself, and to remind yourself of McCree’s embrace. It still smelt like him- slightly of cigar smoke, the whiskey that he always seemed to like and bang on about, and something woodier, which you assumed was the cologne he often wore.

You were quite peaceful sitting there on the bed, your eyes wandering aimlessly over the buildings in the distance. You had just finished your brownies- unfortunately- and were starting to settle down to catch some rest, when you heard the door to your quarters slide open. You sat up again, looking curiously over to the source of the noise, to spot Jesse himself, the man you had missed the whole time of your separation, standing there and resting on the doorframe. He looked up from under the brim of his hat, his eyes coming to rest on you as he gave you a tired smile, so you assumed his assignment had worn him out. “Hey, sugar.” He greeted, and though there was tiredness in his voice, there was something else there too, something that didn’t quite sound right. He seemed to notice your look of concern, and tried to silently wave it away, though when you didn’t look convinced he spoke. “I’m fine, pumpkin, don’t you worry your pretty little head about it.” He tried to assure you as he stepped inside.

His legs seemed to give out under him, and you immediately leapt from your bed to tend to him. “Jesse!” You exclaimed as you moved, he was already trying to push himself up with a quiet groan. “No, no, sugarcube, you get yourself back into bed,” He told you, trying to refuse your help as you assisted him back to his feet. “You were about t’ get some sleep, I can tell...” He mumbled, though his protests became weaker and weaker as you slowly guided him towards the bed. “That doesn’t matter, Jesse. Not when you’re like this...” You told him quietly, taking off his hat and placing it on the bedside table. He collapsed down onto the covers, another quiet groan escaping his lips as he rubbed a hand over his face.

You gently pushed his hand to the side, pressing the back of your own hand to his forehead- the skin was almost scalding to the touch. “Jesse, you’re burning up..” You tell him, concern lacing your tone. “Get those clothes off, we can get you rested up.” Jesse gave a quiet chuckle at your words. “Oh, I thought you were thinkin’ another route there sugar..” He mused, before coughing a little bit. You shake your head at his slight childishness. “No, Jesse. That’s not what I mean, and I think you know that.” You tell him, starting to help him take his poncho off. “Ah, pity..” He joked, trying to make you smile despite the clear worry in your features. His joking didn’t work very well, though a small part of you did appreciate the effort he was making, despite his rather ill demeanour.

“McCree, what did you even do on that damn mission? You never get sick,” You muttered, using his last name to emphasise to him how seriously you were taking this situation. “Well.. It was nothin’ really... We went to Volskaya to try and-” You cut him off with a look. “You didn’t wrap up properly, did you?” You asked him quite sternly, and he smiled a little sheepishly. “Well, I tried, sugar- but I got a little too hot before we left our outpost, and-” “For god’s sake, Jesse!” You sighed in exasperation. “I tell you every single time we head out there together, how come you never listen?” You asked him, clearly very unimpressed. “Why am I not surprised that you don’t take my advice, and the one time I’m not there to remind you about it you get sick...” “I ain’t sick, pumpkin... Just a little under the weather.” Jesse denied with a shake of his head. “That’s why you collapsed, is it, honey?” You reply sarcastically, carefully pushing him back so that he laid down. McCree sighed softly. “I just don’t want you worryin’-” “I always worry about you, Jesse. That’s my job.” You say to him, pressing a chaste kiss to his forehead. “You stay here for a moment, I’m going to go get you a washcloth in case you get a proper fever, alright? And do you want any food?” Jesse shook his head in response, before giving in to you, knowing full well that you would not give up trying to look after him, so he yielded.

He sunk back into the bed, as you moved through to the bathroom, grabbing his washcloth for him, and a small bowl the pair of you kept there, filling it with cool, crisp water. You then moved through to the bedroom again, to see Jesse just about to fall into the clutches of slumber. He peered at you through half-closed eyes, giving you a tired smile. “You spoil me, sugar...” He whispered, starting to chuckle before it evolved into a round of coughs. You placed the bowl down quickly, helping him sit up a little bit. “Hold on, honey, I’ll get you some water, okay?” You said quietly, and he nodded silently. You quickly move back through to the bathroom again, grabbing the glass you usually used for rinsing your mouth out after brushing your teeth, filling it with cool water from the same tap. When you return Jesse had stopped coughing, but, still looked very tired, and rather pale. You move towards him, offering the drink which he happily took, bringing the water to his lips, having a few mouthfuls.

He carefully put the glass on the bedside cabinet, and you pushed it further on to the surface, so that it didn’t fall off. He started to settle in again, and you got up to go and do a few chores, get a few things done whilst he slept, but a hand on your wrist kept you back. You look back in confusion, and there Jesse lay, giving you the most puppy-like eyes he could muster. “C’mon, sugar... Don’t go so soon.. Ain’t ya missed me?” “Jesse, you are ill. One, I don’t want to get what you’ve clearly got, and two, things need to get done around here.” “You can get ‘em done later.” “Jesse-” “No buts. You wanna look after me, right? Well, I’m asking for ya to stay. That’s how I want ya t’ look after me.” He told you firmly, and you chuckle softly. “You’re as stubborn as a child, you know that, don’t you?” “Yeah, but ya love me.” He chortled, pulling you back to him and onto the bed, his arms wrapping around you like you were some sort of beloved stuffed toy. He snuggled his face into the nape of your neck, a smile slowly slipping onto his face. “Can I have some chocolate when I wake up?” He asks sweetly. “Maybe, but don’t push your luck Jesse.”

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McCree taglist: @rey-is-not-a-skywalker

#jesse mccree #jesse mccree x reader #mccree x reader #mccree #overwatch x reader #mccree overwatch #feminine reader #female reader #afab reader #ourcree

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hiswhiteknight · 4 years

Text

Unbelievably Outlandish– Part 10

Summary: Before starting down a new crossroads, the Reader goes onto an adventure of literary traveling. Suddenly tossed into an unbelievable story that has swept the world, The Outlander Series itself. How will a twenty first century woman survive?

Note: I own no characters, except reader, clearly this is based off the lovely book series Outlander by Diana Gabaldon and tv show. This follows more the tv show, but it’s far from accurate. I’m going to try to get better with using less proper English, but who knows maybe I’ll get into Scottish slang.

Pairing: Jamie Fraser x Female Reader

Words: 1400

Warning: Angst, playfulness, cursing, slow start, obvious fighting and violence, mention of suicide

*I’ll be honest, this chapter is more of a fuller, substance chapter. If you wanted to be added to the tag list, please send me a message or chat. Thank you for everyone’s patience!

The hunt still left you plenty in your thoughts. It should be on helping in whatever way you can, but you kept thinking on your role here and how you clearly will never belong, no matter how to try to be kind and open to the culture, no matter how much you push away your own values and morals for these people. It will never matter. Rupert yelled your name, catching your attention. A man got hurt and you help mend what you can before instructing Rupert to bring him back to the village. Another scream, a different type of scream caused you to be pulled from you own thoughts of now and into the times of wartime. You charge to the scream, you found a man losing blood quickly, and a shot pulled you from your thoughts. The boar that did this must have been shot, “Mistress Y/L/N, am I going to die?”

All the pressure and anger you felt subsided, “Hold of Geordie, let me look at you,” several clansmen surrounded you. Dougal showed up to hold Geordie as you tried to patch up his leg. Dougal and him were exchanging words when you saw the wounds to his abdomen. Dougal made eye contact with you and you knew he knew what you were saying. You pulled off the tourniquet, and grabbed his hand, “Geordie, the pain is going to be go soon, but while we wait, I have a bet with Angus.” Geordie looked at you the way many men have looked at you before in the Marine. You had to bring him peace in the time of his panic, “I bet Angus that the colonies had more beautiful sites than Scotland. Tell me about your home, what’s it like?”

Georgie perked up as he told you about his home and you gripped his hand with all your might and continue to stroke his hair to help sooth him. And soon he was gone, you quickly got up and made your way to your horse. Before you knew what you were doing, you made your way to the castle. You needed some busy work, like stitching up the leg of the man who was also attacked by the boar. Afterwards, you walked outside to see the men playing field hockey, which you played for a few years in high school. This was far more barbaric, and you could see Dougal taking his rage out on Jamie. He could cope in anger, but if you did this, you would be gutted.

You wondered who would win in a fight and you had no doubt Jamie would win. When you saw Dougal on the ground, a young girl from one of your lessons tugged on your arm, “Well hello Molly dear, you enjoying the gathering?” There is no reason to take your rage on children, they didn’t do anything wrong. Honestly, teaching them defense things and survival tactics was the most time you felt at peace, well except when you were with – never mind that thought.

“Aye mistress, very much,” you smile down at her, “I heard about your ill-wish and I know who made it. They did not know it was intended for you when they gave it to the girl.”

Guilt hit your chest again, someone was scared you were going to hurt them for being an accomplice. You were letting the harshness of one person hurt your relationship with the majority, “You know who put it under my bed?”

“Aye mistress,” she whispered, “You wouldn’t be telling my mother, would you? She wouldn’t be wanting me to get into others business.”

You bent down to her level, “Tell you what,” you pull out your coin bag with most of the money you made for yourself while staying here – your escape money, “I’ll tell your mother you helped me collect supplies for the gathering, which is why I paid you all this. And you tell me who put it under my bed?”

“Mistress, I don’t need your money. Girls aren’t allowed to learn the things you are teaching. You don’t deserve any ill-wishes. You’re lovely,” you smile up at her.

You pass her the bag, “You’ve earned it dear, I keep my word. Give me the name and the money is yours.”

“Laoghaire,” she whispered. You shot up, looking around completely shocked.

“Alrighty lass,” you pat her on the shoulder, “If you don’t mind, I have business to take care of.”

“Be careful, please,” she urged after you.

You had a hyper focus again, you intended to kick her ass, like you reported. And you found her socializing where most of the clan put up tent for the gathering. You passed Murtagh and Jamie, taking off your sling bag off and your dagger from your waistband and handed it to one of them, “Murtagh, could you mind this for me?”

“I’m not your errand boy, lass, and where you going that you won’t need this,” he questioned.

“You’re a pretty face, Murtagh, you ask too many questions,” you sass to him, looking at your target. Jamie and him stopped leaning on a post, both putting their drinks down. They could clearly tell you mean business. “Hey, Laoghaire, you two faced, toxic bitch, I got your gift earlier and I would like show you my appreciation.”

She had the audacity to give you a glare, before she realized she was in real danger. She started to step backwards, and the crowd started to grow around you as you moved closer to the girl, “Leave me alone, wench.”

“Oh, you do have words now that you can use. I thought you might be too stupid to speak up and say something since you chose to instead use this voodoo bullshit to get at me. You want to bring me pain lady, let’s go at it,” you finally were within three feet of her. Before you could make a grab at her, she ran in another direction.

You were about to put your running skills to work, when Murtagh gripped your arm, “Come on lass, you made your point let’s get you back to the surgery.”

“You know what, I’m a little busy right now. But I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a few, we can have some tea to cleanse our spirit, la de da and all,” you keep her in your eye sights. You were about to start your chase when you were tossed over a shoulder. Murtagh was carrying you back as you banged on his back. You were mad in this moment because you gave your dagger away to this meathead or he would have suffered from a few, no lethal jabs. He dropped you in the surgery room, “Damn it, Murtagh what the hell is wrong with you?”

“With me, you were about to put a big target on your back. You’re a guest here lass, they don’t take too kindly to guests attacking one of their kin,” he leaned against the counter.

You started to cry, and you usually do not cry, “Does it mean nothing I didn’t start it? Her action deserves a consequence. I watch all men here fight over nothing and here I am fighting against an injustice and my life is at danger. Do I not matter to anyone where? Should I just go to the tallest tower and jump?”

“Don’t be so dramatic, an ill wish is nothing,” he urged to you. He didn’t seem too phased by the fact you were crying, though he did soften his voice to show sympathy, “I know you don’t believe any of nonsense. You are a smart woman.” You started to toss things about the surgery, organizing all the stuff you brought out for the hunt. Murtagh walked over to you and stopped you by gripping the top of both your arms, “Y/N, you matter more than you know. Stop this behavior, you’ll get accustomed.”

“Murtagh, why do I always have to be the one to change? What do I have to do to feel like I belong here, how long will it take for people to believe I’m not an outsider?”

He took a deep breath again, “I know it doesn’t seem it now and I don’t know how, but you do belong here. It’ll come in time. Until then, stop picking fights.”

“Yes father,” you rolled your eyes, “Where is Jamie, I assume he has my bags and things?”

“Aye, right now he is taken care of Laoghaire, so you needed be worrying about her anymore,” he said, making his way to the stairs.

“Unless he has killed her and hid the body, I’ll keep to worry about her and her no good deeds, thank you,” you shouted at him. “And make sure Jamie brings back my things sooner rather than later.”

And before Jamie could drop off your things, Dougal Mackenzie came down to share you would be journeying out to collect rent from the clan who wasn’t able to make it.

PART 11

Taglist: @doctorwhatwhenandwhere @damnedandbroken @blushingpogue @blancastans @slytherinambitious @kinky-asher @lovesanimals @bilesxbilinskixlahey

#Outlander #outlander fanfiction #outlander imagine #Jamie Fraser #jamie fraser imagines #jamie fraser x reader #jamie fraser imagine #jamie frazier x reader

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pair-annoyed · 4 years

Text

Anime I Watched This Fall

My first semester of college is officially over and the December holidays are upon us! I hoped to make one of these posts sooner, but I have been incredibly busy with schoolwork. Now that things have slowed down, let’s take sometime to reflect on things I’ve watched.

These anime are listed in chronological order and encompass everything I’ve watched from 9/1/2020 - 12/15/2020

Like always, they will be rated on a 1-10 scale; 1 meaning complete garbage, 10 meaning masterpiece. I will offer my thoughts on what I did/didn’t like about each show!

1. The God of High School - 6/10

Despite the stellar animation from MAPPA and my high expectations, I was really disappointed by how this series was treated. Most of the story’s crucial elements were handled poorly. I finished this series feeling more confused about the plot than when I first began. The power system is really cool, but poorly explained. More time should have been spent on exposition and world building for this series, instead the fights were given the most screen time.

2. Doukyuusei - 7/10

I really liked the style of Doukyuusei. Granted, this was another movie I chose to watch primarily because of the hype surrounding it. The dynamic between Kusakabe and Sajou is an interesting one, and I also enjoy how the movies different acts were separated by the seasons. However, there's nothing that really sets Doukyuusei apart from other romance movies, its a little generic. Still, I enjoyed it nonetheless.

3. Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu 2nd Season - 8/10

My opinions on Re:Zero’s second season are biased. This was, by far, the sequel I was most hyped for during the summer/fall anime season. I was so happy to see the story’s continuation and I’m looking forward to the season’s second part coming sometime in January. Re:Zero is one of my all time favorite series because of the way it handles it characters and power dynamics. I also really enjoy the show’s psychological aspects. If you haven’t already, give Re:Zero a try!

4. Saint☆Oniisan (Movie + OVA) - 8/10

This was a wonderful comedy. I wasn’t sure how the subject of Jesus and Buddha living together would be tackled, but it was handled wonderfully. I was laughing for pretty much the entire movie. I love the art style and little references to both Buddhism and Christianity, plus the incorporation of Japanese culture. Saint Oniisan is a bright comedy, with two eccentric main characters. If you like a show that doesn’t take itself too seriously, and need a good laugh, I can’t recommend this more.

5. Clannad: After Story - 10/10

Never, while watching anime, did I cry as much as I did while watching Clannad: After Story. I didn’t realize how much I related to Okazaki until I saw him grow up in After Story. I was left sobbing, especially after episode 18. I still, to this day, cannot listen to the Dango song without tearing up. The original Clannad is nothing special, but the continuation of its story its something heartfelt, emotional, and down-to-earth. I love Kyoto Animation with all my heart, and Clannad made me appreciate everything the studio has done just a little bit more. Thank you Clannad, for reminding me about the kind of person I strive to be.

6. Nakitai Watashi wa Neko wo Kaburu - 5.5/10

The art in A Whisker Away was beautiful. The story itself, however, is nothing too enjoyable. I found it difficult to like our protagonist or her love interest. Nothing about this movie is inherently memorable. The emotional climax came far too early which made the second half of the film seem long and drawn out. All in all, the movie has a wonderful concept, I just believe it could have been so much more emotional than it was. When I watch a move, I like to empathize with the characters. It’s difficult to do when the characters aren’t given the proper exposition to be empathized with.

7. Shikioriori - 6/10

This is less of a movie and more of a collection of short stories. Flavors of Youth is something you shouldn’t watch on an empty stomach, all of the food looks incredible. The same cannot beside for the rest of this feature. The stories themselves seems heavily clichéd. Much like A Whisker Away, the initial premise is intriguing, but the execution results in something that comes across as trying too hard and carries no emotional weight with the viewer. If you plan on watching, pay more attention to the artwork and animation than the actual plot. You won’t be missing anything.

8. Vinland Saga - 7/10

Vinland Saga helped me get out of the rut that Clannad: After Story. Not only does this show have a great story, its action packed with lots of interesting fights. I especially enjoyed all the Nordic history embedded within the show. Its really unlike any of the other historical anime I’ve watched. I will say, it’s gory. But, compared to all the other things I watched this time around, I finished this series the quickest. Its good, its graphic, its fast paced!

9. Mononoke Hime - 7/10

It’s ironic considering how much anime I’ve watched that I have yet to watch all of the most classic Studio Ghibli films. Princess Mononoke is grittier than most other Ghibli films I’ve seen, but it’s message is positive and its characters are wonderful. I can’t really speak ill towards classics like these. I guess maybe my one complaint is that this movie could’ve been a faster pace. Other than that... I really enjoyed everything Princess Mononoke offered! I understand why it’s so popular.

10. Howl no Ugoku Shiro - 8.5/10

Can you believe it took me this long to finally watch Howl’s Moving Castle? Me neither!! This movie is so endearingly beautiful. I loved every second of it, from the characters to the soundtrack. So many iconic things come from just this one movie. I would like to take this time to thank my best friend for reminding me that Studio Ghibli films are wonderful! Thank you for watching this with me, I loved it! All in all, I regret not watching this sooner!

11. Toradora! - 6.5/10

Toradora took me a while to finish, just because I lost interest about halfway through. But, I powered through it, and ended up really enjoying the show! I’m not the biggest fan of the ending, but that’s just a personal preference. Somehow, this show also made me cry? I’m not entirely sure why because Toradora! is probably the thing farthest from sad. Apart from the show’s dull slice of life moments, it was super cute! A much needed light-hearted romance.

12. New Initial D Movie: Legend 1 - 5/10

Full disclosure, this is the only thing related to Initial D that I’ve ever watched. My band and I watched this expecting to hear some of that iconic Initial D music, itself all we got was a mildly confusing story about different types of cars. It was cliché and frankly a little boring. Although, I am still considering watching the original Initial D just so I can hear the music in the way it was original intended. I’ve got no other opinions on this movie. It’s best not to watch these movies without the context from the rest of the franchise.

13. Uchuu Patrol Luluco - 7.5/10

I didn’t really understand why people enjoy studio Trigger so much until I watched Space Patrol Luluco. I loved all the fun references to other studio Trigger works. I loved the humor, and I loved all the bright colors. The animation was extremely high energy, and the art style fits the show’s premise. Each episode was only 12 minutes long so it was a super quick binge. If you’re looking for something quick, light-hearted and comical, this is the perfect show to watch.

14. Orange - 7/10

I owe a big thanks to a tumblr mutual for recommending this show to me! This holds the honor of making me cry by episode 3! I honestly did not expect the subject matter of this show to be as dark as it was. Usually when I see the genre ‘shoujo’ I do not associate it with a love story like that of Orange. The heavy subject matter made it a little too close to home for me, but I still really enjoyed this series. It reminds me off all the good times I had with my friends in high school, and of all the regrets I carry with myself to this day.

15. 3-gatsu no Lion - 7.5/10

March Comes in Like a Lion is another show that was a bit of a slow burn for me. Each episode left me feeling emotionally drained, so I had to take a lot of breaks while I was working on watching this series. Shaft, the studio behind this anime, holds a special place in my heart because I loved their work on the Monogatari Series. March Comes in Like a Lion is a little different. It’s driving force it is characters, and it was cathartic to watch our main character transform through the entire duration of the first season. I know the show’s second season is much better, so I’ll be starting that soon!

16. Yojouhan Shinwa Taikei - 8/10

I loved how artsy and smart The Tatami Galaxy is, but honestly I couldn’t watch too much at once cause it would hurt my head. I also couldn’t watch this show while I was tired because the speaking rate is much faster than typical anime. The Tatami Galaxy is so unique for its medium. I loved the different time loops and the crazy animation. The characters were fascinating. The dialogue, although very fast, it also fantastic. There’s an element of humor to this unique story telling, and I enjoyed ever minute of it!

Currently Watching:

Hunter x Hunter - 6.5/10 (As of Episode 30)

I pride myself in having watched a lot of shounen anime, but I was reluctant to start Hunter x Hunter for years because I thought I would find it boring. I was oh so very wrong. Considering great shows like Naruto and Fairy Tail that fall under the same category, I expected Hunter x Hunter to be subpar in comparison. It gets a low score for two reasons. One, the power system was introduced a little too late and now I’m wondering if all the fights post episode 30 will involved nen in some way, shape, or form. Two, its still on hiatus.

Two Cursed Additions For This List

Please to do not let these be representative of my anime taste.

1. Yarichin☆B*tch-bu - 4/10

I am a CLOWN for not knowing this was 18+. The only reason I watched this was to see why everyone was talking about the pink-haired boy with the glasses and tongue piecing. I know why now, and I regret it. This was a massive mistake on my part. But hey, at the least the art and ending song kinda slap?

2. Euphoria (Dropped After 1 Episode) - 2/10

If you know what I’m talking about when I say Euphoria, I am so sorry. And no, I am not talking about the HBO series. Seriously, don’t google this. Don’t watch this. Don’t interact with anything related to this. You’re probably wondering, “Then why did you watch it?” I did not watch this willingly. You see, I have a very bad habit of starting anime and then taking months to finish them. I made an ultimatum with a friend, lost, and then was forced to watch this a punishment. Not a fun experience. I’m very glad there are no GIFs of this on tumblr...

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mallowstep · 3 years

Note

I just thought about this

Do you think the Clan cats might ever have some form of PTSD from eather witnessing another cats death in any form like in battle or another disaster or even killing another cat themselves

I really do want to expand on this

okay matthew from the end of this post here it turns out i have a lot of thoughts and talked for like, almost 2k words about this. sorry. there's a tldr at the end.

hmmmmm

my official answer is, "sure, anything is possible, especially if you want to explore that."

my more rambly answer is...kind of.

we're just going to jump straight in with serious cat talk here, but cats? those mofos are killing machines. they are highly efficient hunters. kind of like people and creating things.

on the other hand, cats are also huge cowards who don't like to fight. hence cat and mouse: the cat doesn't want to go in for the kill unless they're sure they can execute it.

i like to think of them as a very krav maga idea: "we don't fight unless we absolutely have to, but once we go in, we go all in."

so...on one hand, "do cats experience ptsd from killing each other?" feels kind of like asking, "do humans experience ptsd from making things?", and yet, that's clearly extremely reductive.

it's also worth talking about what ptsd is. it's easy to think of ptsd as equivalent to trauma, but it's not.

trauma is, well, traumatic events, ptsd is one possible response. most people who experience trauma do not develop ptsd.

(there's also c-ptsd, but i'm getting to that.)

ptsd is, basically, an overactive adrenaline response, basically. it can look similar to depression and anxiety, but it's not the same. things like flashbacks and triggers are not exclusive to ptsd, or even any specific mental illness. it's normal to experience ptsd-like symptoms after a traumatic event. that's a traumatic response.

ptsd is, instead, the unhealthy extension of that, in time, and possibly severity.

before i go any farther, i just want to say, this is not to say you need to have ptsd to have trauma, that you can't have ptsd/trauma if XYZ, etc., so please, give me the benefit of the doubt here. it's always tricky to word these things in a way that is both clear about what i mean and not harming people.

mental illness is always a tricky subject. trying to fit a sum of many symptoms into boxes will never work, but i am going to lean on it as a tool to categorize and discuss experiences in a general sense.

i also want to mention c-ptsd, or "complex post-traumatic stress disorder." this is a debated diagnosis, in that where it fits into mental illness boxes is argued and it's yet to be included in the dsm, but for now, it's sufficient to think of it as ptsd's fraternal twin.

c-ptsd develops when trauma is prolonged, and there's little/no chance of escape. think kidnappings and child abuse.

it shares a lot of symptoms with ptsd, but it has its own unique cluster of symptoms, especially surrounding relationship issues.

right. we can rule that off for things cats typically experience from battle. but i still want to talk about it.

but ptsd is in reference to human reactions to trauma, which is fine! all warrior cats are at least a little anthropomorphised, or it wouldn't be fun to read about.

okay, before i lose the thread, circling back to my point, the conditions for ptsd are a prolonged response to a traumatic event. i, personally, don't think that your everyday warrior is going to experience this. some amount of battle is normal for cats, yeah?

but i do think ptsd/ptsd-like conditions are quite possible. i'm going to move into a discussion of various characters, now, and i'll put that under a read more.

okay, let's examine a few different cats, starting with mudfur.

why mudfur? because he chooses to be a medicine cat specifically because the battles of being a warrior are too much for him. does this mean he's experiencing ptsd? no, i don't think so. we never see any indication of him having flashbacks or hypervigilance. mind, i have

okay sorry you uh

i took a break to read mothwing's secret

see i've been putting it off bc i knew it was going to make me feel things and lord it did

phew

well i was going to talk about mothwing but first, back to mudfur

i can now confirm that we don't see any evidence of ptsd in him. trauma, maybe, but not ptsd.

which...checks.

next cat, ivypool.

but my ivypool, not canon ivypool, because i gave ivypool ptsd.

if you haven't read it, hedera helix is my canon compliant ivypool series, and you can get the Deets there, but i think "fair is the night" is the piece to focus on here. specifically,

The dark is the same, and the heat, and the way she slinks through the shadows, trying not to take notice. The way every pawstep is echoingly loud, and how she can't catch her breath or find her thoughts over the noise. All that's missing is.

Him.

Maybe Ivypool does still dream.

She hisses, her belt bristling, tail lashing, and raises her paw, claws extended.

what's going on here is that she mistakes tigerheart for hawkfrost.

yes, she has ptsd.

she also has c-ptsd in my writing, but i don't want to talk about this at the moment, because ivypool is complex, and i don't feel like bringing dovewing into this. but no, this is her having ptsd from her (dark forest) mentor trying to kill her. a cat she, at least on some level, trusted turning on her and attempting to kill her.

so for ivypool, it's the unexpected that traumatizes her.

which i think makes sense: cats don't generally expect to be attacked by those they trust. which leads me into...

character three: bluestar.

now, bluestar is complex because of the dementia, but i think it's pretty easy to say: tigerclaw (a cat she trusts) betrays her, she gets hypervigilant and stops trusting people.

i'm deliberately going short on this because i'm at almost a thousand words and uh,, i just want to talk about mothwing.

mothwing. my baby. my beloved. my beautiful.

fuuuuck okay so i should not have read mothwing's secret because this is going to turn into me writing mostly about that, but i actually knew 90% of what was contained in it through moonkitti videos + doing research for various mothwing related projects.

i think the only thing i learned was the moonkitti scene about bees is actually completely canonical, as written, and that it was possible for me to love mothwing more than i already do.

usually, i'd want to also talk about willowshine, but i'm going to keep my focus on mothwing. willow my love is going to come up, but i'm keeping my focus tight.

mothwing! onto my purpose: mothwing and c-ptsd and religious trauma.

she will get her own essay i have a document titled "mothwing and religious trauma" but with trope-bingo i've been writing the essays less, so bear with me.

anyway. i'm not waffling, i'm just trying to set up a good starting point so i don't ramble past the purpose. and i think...the scene with mudfur and mothwing near the end is what i'm honing in on. (spoilers, duh, but also, you don't need to have read it.)

so mudfur comes to mothwing after the battle, and she turns him away. he doesn't understand, but i do.

religion has been used against mothwing her entire life. her clan used it (inadvertently) to keep her from her purpose, hawkfrost used it to maintain his control over her, and mistystar used it to again keep her from her purpose and passion. (and yes, i have strong feelings about what this does to willowshine, but i'm trying to stay on-topic.)

and then, the first tangible proof she has of starclan is the dark forest. and her brother. attacking the nursery. and her.

and then mudfur has the audacity to say, "yeah sorry we don't know anything! but like why are you still rejecting us?"

(makes me want to rewrite the ending of "if you love me any, let me know it now" actually, i'm angry. not going to, but i want to.)

adfskjl mothwing is my new purpose for existing. i may actually consider changing my blog title from "in this house we lovewing dovewing" to something mothwing themed. i love her. expect a mothwing focus sometime soon-ish.

right, so, i don't think mothwing's perspective needs to be explained here. but...she is very self-aware of her position. she struggles with it. she doesn't want to talk to willowshine about her beliefs — she's grateful when willowpaw just accepts it and doesn't discuss it with her.

mothwing as a character has always been appealing to me. but. again, trying to keep focused, her brother is manipulative and cruel.

(i'm not saying abusive because i don't know if he really is. i'd want to do a proper analysis for that, not just ramble in a blank document for a while. he's toxic, but i try to reserve abusive for abusive characters. i think he is, but i don't know how i would defend that, ergo, i'm avoiding it for now.)

just. her whole life.

she spends a long time trusting others, looking to starclan for answer and salvation, and it keeps letting her down, and others keep using it against her, like a weapon. there's a lot to mothwing, but i'm really trying to stay on topic.

before i get to my closing arguments, some honorable mentions for characters i didn't talk about, but could have:

squirrelflight

feathertail, stormfur, and mistyfoot

dovewing

briarlight. okay she's such a good honorable mention i just have to explore this for a second, but the scene in bramblestar's storm where she's afraid of falling trees is good. i don't know, she seems fairly functional, but she's definitely not "over it."

anyone captured by twolegs.

tawnypelt

bramblestar. before you gasp, he too trained in the dark forest and was manipulated by hawkfrost and tigerstar.

probably a lot more.

so anyway, if you hung around for nearly 2k words to listen to me talk about cat trauma, here's my closing statement:

i think ptsd in clan cats is definitely going to be a thing, but i think, more often than not, it's not going to come from the battle. we looked at several examples where the incident happened during a battle, but i think it's the betrayal that's more shocking than the actual fighting.

i didn't address ptsd from cats killing each other, other than mudfur, and that's...frankly that's because i don't know. it is very hard for me to sympathize with those characters long enough to think critically about it.

like, i can write villain pov, but i don't think i can actually say, "what if XYZ feels bad for killing someone?" even if i was going to write about like, firestar killing scourge, i don't think i could.

not in this context, anyway.

similarly, i think a lot of what we'll see is trauma. cats are already extremely vigilant, and while it's possible to get hypervigilant cats, i'm not sure how often it's going to come out. cats are good at hiding physical pain, ipso facto, i imagine they're good at hiding emotional pain.

which isn't to say that they...you know what? you know what? if you want to come argue with me about human ptsd, you can do that on my main. but i'm talking about cats, and i say that they probably don't experience ptsd because they probably shove away a lot of the external symptoms, and that's mostly how we identify ptsd. this is not an end-all be-all, nor does it apply to people, but i don't know how to begin couching this, and i'm tired.

alright, well...

tl/dr: yes, trauma and maybe ptsd occur in clan cats, but i think it's more likely to be from betrayal than fighting.

dkjl this was a lot if u have follow up qs or just wanna discuss this my ask box is open! <3

#ask #anon #mine #essay #trauma #ptsd

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seijch · 4 years

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ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

#did i have an announcement tag #announcement #also regarding work hsjkdfsd the company i work for didnt give my location the opening for the full time position i wanted #my managers all agree id be promoted if we had it but we dont so i . hee .#anyway um i hope everyones doing well #some of my moots changed urls while i was away and now i have no idea who anyone is #its like when you see your familys friends and theyre like omg youre so big now! i remember when you were a baby and youre like 🧍‍♂️#and you have to play along bc apparently they remember you hskdfsd #im not very funny in this post but i figured id rather be honest considering my lengthy absence #consider this my comeback stage

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gameofdrarry · 3 years

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Wizards Hearts Recs: Epistolary

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 To My Enemy (Secretly Yours) by randoyoyo Rated: Teen Words: 9757 Tags: Epistolary, Eighth Year, Roommates, Fluff Summary: McGonagall has decided on some changes for those returning to Hogwarts for an 8th year. Not only will Houses be abolished, but there will be a shared commonroom and rooms will be assigned to pairs. On top of that, they're all randomly assigned a pen pal within the same year that they have to write to each week. Harry and Draco don't like the way any of this information sounds, but it doesn't set in until they get their room assignments...they're going to be roommates?? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Re: Harry's Crush by lettersbyelise Rated: Teen Words: 3700 Tags: Epistolary, Bets & Wagers, Aurors, Getting Together, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Humor, Banter Summary: Ever get that feeling you're being talked about behind your back? Harry doesn't, he's too busy being stupidly, obviously besotted with the guy in the lab downstairs. A fic where the interdepartment betting war at the Ministry gets out of hand, Millicent and Hermione get scheming, Harry Potter ends up wearing black eyeliner, and everybody ends up getting more than they bargained for. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Misdirection by lea_anberlyn Rated: Teen and Up Words: 3764 Tags: Humor, Snarky!Malfoy, Epistolary Summary: Harry buys a new owl after the war – a bird he soon realises is cursed to send letters to the person he hates most. Draco Malfoy finds the whole thing hilarious. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Dear Enemy by GingerTodgers Rated: Teen and Up Words: 69130 Tags: Epistolary, Secret Identity, Orphanage, Harry Potter's School For Squibs, Slow Burn, Swearing, Politics, Ron Weasley is a Good Friend, Minor Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Minor Pansy Parkinson/Greg Goyle, Light Angst Summary: An anonymous benefactor makes a generous donation to Harry Potter's School for Squibs in exchange for a weekly letter from the Boy Who Lived. What begins as a chore soon becomes the only outlet Harry has to talk about the war, love, life, hope, redemption, his renewed obsession with a certain blonde nemesis and how he really, honestly, believes that this will be the year Puddlemere United reclaim the Quidditch League Cup. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Howlr by partialtopotter Rated: Explicit Words: 47634 Tags: Texting, text!fic, Sexting, Romance, dating app, Anal Sex, Rimming, they don't know they're falling for each other, Ginny has a personality, THIS IS NOT A NON-MAGICAL AU, Professor Harry, pansy x ginny, LGBTQ Themes, Smut, Mistaken Identity, Phone Sex, Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Humor, Post-Hogwarts, Not Epilogue Compliant, Switching, Light BDSM, Bisexual Male Character, Spanking, Epistolary, Textfic Summary: Howlr is the new dating application enchanting Witches, Wizards and Everyone in between. Are you looking for the one or a one-night stand; it’s all here folks. Howlr is sponsored by Weasley Wizard Wheezes, the same team that brought us the Spellular just two years ago. Ginny Weasley, famed chaser for the Hollyhead Harpies, swears by the app, ‘guaranteed to make sparks fly,’ she says. The magic awaits you! ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Garden War by Cibee (Cibeeeee) Rated: Teen and Up Words: 4884 Tags: Fluff and Humor, Epistolary, Draco and Harry are neighbors, with a lake between them, and they keep trying to make their garden better than the other's, "one tree? fuck you I'll grow TWO trees", then omg quarantine, Frenemies to friends to lovers, Friends to Lovers, draco has a cat, harry has chickens, Mutual Pining, they both have no chills, Idiots in Love, Dramatic Draco Malfoy Summary: Harry and Draco are quarantined in their houses, a lake across from one another. What better ways to spend this time than to annoy each other with letters and attempts to prove that their garden is better ? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 A Series of Neighbourly Epistles by slytherco Rated: Mature Words: 13671 Tags: Neighbors, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Anonymity, Letters, anonymous notes, Top Draco Malfoy, Bottom Harry Potter, Mutual Masturbation, Blind Date, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Sexual Tension, Curse Breaker Draco Malfoy, Auror Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy Has Long Hair, and it's glorious, Draco Malfoy in a leather jacket, Brief Draco Malfoy/Other, Redeemed Draco Malfoy, some French food, Bisexual Harry Potter, Dirty Talk, the morning after, Pillow Talk, One Night Stands, that turn out to be possibly-not-so-one-night, Snark, Banter, Sexual Content, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Blow Jobs, in general there's sex but it's not graphic ok?? Summary: Harry finds himself in a very awkward spot when he calls the Aurors on his neighbour… having very loud sex. As in not actually killing anyone. He writes him a disgruntled note and thus begins a very interesting exchange. When they finally decide to meet, Harry’s not quite prepared to find out who his mystery neighbour turns out to be. Or for everything that happens next, for that matter. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Texting You by ununquadius Rated: Teen and Up Words: 6005 Tags: Major Character Death, text fic, draco is dead, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, or maybe hurt/no comfort, Everyday Life, Pets, Asexual Harry Potter, Indian Harry Potter, one penis drawing, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Loneliness, Drinking, Terminal Illnesses, blink and you missed them suicidal thoughts Summary: After Draco's death, Harry can't let go so he keeps texting their private chat, updating him on his life and rambling about everything and anything until it almost feels like there's a possibility that, one day, a reply will come. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 More Than Kisses, Letters Mingle Souls by Erin_Riwen, Kristinabird Rated: Mature Words: 21171 Tags: Epistolary, Professor Harry Potter, Professor Draco Malfoy, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Fluff with feelings, Past Child Abuse, Past Suicide Thoughts, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore Summary: It's the beginning of the term at Hogwarts and Professor Harry Potter never seems to be able to get close enough to have an actual conversation with Professor Draco Malfoy. When he discovers it's because his colleagues have been intentionally keeping them apart for fear they might have issues, he bristles at the intrusion and decides to send a letter to a very confused Draco Malfoy. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Summer's Lease by GallifreyisBurning, xkingofgamesx Rated: Explicit Words: 74162 Tags: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Epistolary, Bisexual Harry Potter, Gay Draco Malfoy, Post-War, pre-eighth year, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, slowest of burns, First Kiss, First Time, Coming Out, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, All of the jobs except employment, Gentlemen of Leisure, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Home Renovation, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Nightmares, Mental Health Issues, Homophobia, Lots of drinking, Happy Ending, Fluff Summary: It was just a letter. And then another. And then another. And then it was something more. The summer after the war, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are both at loose ends, not sure how they fit into a world where both of their roles have been fulfilled, for better or for worse. As the learn to live with surviving, they find, together, an unexpected way forward. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Recompense & Reparo by sablier_bloque Rated: Explicit Words: 48981 Tags: Alternate Universe - Regency, Regency, Slow Burn, Pining, Gay Draco Malfoy, Bisexual Harry Potter, Alternate Universe - Historical, Masturbation, Anal Sex, Frottage, mention of suicide, mention of period-typical racism, Period-Typical Sexism, Mention of Child Abuse, Period-Typical Homophobia, Draco Malfoy tries to redeem himself in a very Slytherin way, Meddling mothers, Magic Rituals, Quidditch, Mention of Minor Character Death, Happy Ending, Letters, Epistolary, Indian Harry Potter, Desi Harry Potter, Austen-inspired, Mention of torture Summary: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a pureblood wizard in possession of a slandered reputation will do absolutely anything to return to good graces. And Mr. Draco Malfoy, pureblood wizard whose reputation has certainly been slandered by The War (and perhaps even by his own actions in said war) has a plan. A list of five steps to restore the Malfoy family to its proper place in society. That is until Harry Potter comes along and mucks it all. A Regency AU, in which there are ungloved touches, letters, meddling mothers, and hope that love can somehow find a way. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Always and Forever by PurePeace Rated: Teen and Up Words: 35162 Tags: N/A Summary: An epistolary fic between Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, taking place after the trials. It starts with irritation and relucant gratitude and ends - hopefully - with romance, always and forever. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 No Greater Victory by dicta_contrion Rated: Explicit Words: 26951 Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Bets & Wagers, Diary/Journal, Slytherins Being Slytherins, Scheming, Blackmail, Recreational Drug Use, Casual Sex, Snark, Draco starts out as an angry defensive arse, Personal Growth, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Switching, First Time, Making Love, Fluff and Angst, Eventual Happy Ending Summary: Back at Hogwarts after the war, a defeated Draco Malfoy is prepared to settle for life's simpler pleasures: snark, sex, and Slytherin scheming. That is until Pansy, newly in possession of Malfoy Manor, offers to return his ancestral home. Just one condition: he has to win, and break, Harry Potter's heart to get it. That's no problem. Draco's got this situation completely under control. Completely. At least until he doesn't. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Help Is Always There For Those Who Ask by donnarafiki, orpheous87 Rated: Mature Words: 12873 Tags: Post-War, Mental Health Issues, Healer Draco Malfoy, Angst, Epistolary, Getting Together, No healer/patient, Depression, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Therapy, Friendship Summary: It's been years since the war, and Harry's been doing fine (Not!Auror). But after witnessing a violent incident in muggle London, he feels empty and angry. Eventually, he reaches a breaking point and has an outburst in public. The next day he finds a letter on his desk, the Ministry reaching out to connect him with a mind healer, saying they don’t even have to see each other, and everything can be done privately if Harry wants to keep it anonymous and confidential. He decides to write back. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 This feeling inside by Andithiel Rated: Mature Words: 8714 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Epistolary, Diary/Journal, flatmates, omg they were roomates, lockdown - Freeform, Quarantine, bisexual awakening, Oblivious, As in ridiculously oblivious, Mentions of a fictional pandemic, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Cooking, Baking, learning to play the guitar, mentions of:, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Frottage, Kissing, I think it was in that order Summary: Harry Potter and his flatmate Draco are both straight as nails. But during a lockdown, things start to get a little desperate, and suddenly they’re giving each other friendly handjobs and blowjobs on the regular. But that’s okay. That’s just what friends do. Right? A story about two oblivious idiots, told through the diary of Harry James Potter. ❤️ Read on AO3

#epistolary #letters #pen pals #drarry #drarry recs #game of drarry #wizards hearts #wh masterlist

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xsecretblastsx · 4 years

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1x07 - Victor, Victrola

Finally! This is one of the most iconic episodes of this show and one I’ve been dying to get to since I’ve started with these recaps, Here we go!

This one got so long I’ve decided to post it with a keep reading brake.

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

I love that it opens with a vintage filter, which I don’t think I’ve noticed much the first time. I do remember thinking of this little preview “Guess Chuck’s meeting someone who’ll give him a run for his money”

Also how good is that shot of the those hills climbing up the steps, or maybe is just that I love the shoes

These is one of my all time fave Blair’s school outfits, she looks so pretty, and I love the obnoxiously big red bow.

Things I should have wondered, wasn’t this something Chuck would have show Nate before her? But this scene is a quick way to show that they’re in fact really good friends

“What happens at Victrola stays at Victrola” Not really Chuck, not really

God I hate Nate’s Dad

I don’t know why but I found a bit funny how the Captain’s office has so many little nautical details, kind of oversell

“I think I saw it next to that ambiguous vague shape” hi mom!

Dan lamenting that new Yorkers don’t have cars and therefore teens can’t make out in them, yeah Dan about that…

Nate’s attempt at bribing Jenny it’s so lame it’s almost funny

Chuck casually pointing out to Lilly that she missed a button, oh Lily!

It’s almost endearing to see Chuck put so much effort with his dad and how eager and accommodating he gets when his father says yes.

I love the scenes were Serena and Blair have typical best friends conversations.

OMG I had totally forgot that Dan was reading the Kamasutra in search of inspiration, also getting this anxious and picturing all these scenarios in his head. I feel you dude.

Does that cherry stem trick is actually possible? Ugh why am I even thinking about that. Though didn’t the show used that bit on a poster?

That dress does looks ugly in a hanger

That was a good analogy of Vanessa’s role in this show.

Lily was so nice to Chuck from the start, as early as this episode, theirs is one of my favorite parental relationship in the show

How does Vanessa knows all about Serena’s hook up history though? Didn’t she went on Gossip Girl or Dan has a big mouth? Well I guess is the same thing.

“Game recognizes Game little J” Oh Blair you have no idea, also no, the Vanderbilt is ring is not the most amazing ring you’ll ever see.

Gotta admire the show’s attention to detail, Serena and Nate may be making out on Dan’s kitchen, but they still use the same background music they used the first time we saw that scene, but relly I had forgot how much fun I laugh with all his imagined scenarios.

For once I actually feel bad for Dan, having your own father tell you to get rid of those sheets. Akward.

Aside from Nate’s dad, and maybe Eleanor everyone else at that dinner really looks like they want to be anywhere else but there.

“I tried Blair” oh please Nate, you call her once, it went to voice mall and you couldn’t bother again, but I guess it was just easier to go to the palace to talk to Serena.

I remember the first time I watched this I was like “Yes Blarir finally! You tell him!

It should have been obvious since earlier in the episode, but when she steps out of that car it was the first moment it hit me that OMG the girl at the start of the episode was Blair! It is funny how while I already knew that now, the same thought kind of hit me again.

YOU GO BABY VAMP!

‘You still would do anything to get a girl on her back though’ it would not be S1 episode without a bit of Lily and Rufus banter

“Nobody’s ever looked at me the way you just did” what a telling line. Though did Dan and Serena did it or not?

Iconic scene is iconic. Vintage filter and all.

Gossip Girl was never the same again

What a good episode in every way. Normally I always get bored with one of the little subplots, but not on this one. Hell I actually liked Dan and Serena this week, which hadn’t happened like since 1x01, and even then it was with a grain of salt. This episode is also hilarious, I didn’t watch this when it aired so I don’t know if they hinted at Blair and Chuck in one of their promos, but I hoped they didn’t because I like the way the episode flows a lot, we spend the whole episode seeing Dan getting anxious about losing his virginity, and then out of nowhere it’s Blair the one that ends up the night no longer a virgin.

Also I did enjoy this episode so much more this time around not only because well I’m a chair fan but because there are a lot of little details, almost like Easter eggs that point out to the last scene, like Dan pointing out the tragedy of New York’s teens without car where they can make out, or when Serena tells Blair that maybe planning and thinking too much about it may ruin the moments, and then you have Blair at the end of the episode losing her virginity on Limo without planning it at all.

In the Dan and Serena front though this episode is one that gives a bit more insight on the why’s Serena can’t never really forget a about Dan. She had being treated awfully by most guys she ever came across, and Dan’s the first that actually treats her like she’s worth it and worries about her feelings, we know it’s not as perfect as she sees it, he had been pretty judgmental of her in half of the episodes so far, but she doesn’t realize it because she’s used to man objectifying her for a long time now, she doesn’t see her own value, and that’s the tragedy of Serena’s character and why she deserved so much better.

This episode is also the one in which Nate’s family issues get to a boiling point, we finally see the amount of problems Nate’s dad has and why he’s absolute trash, and things are only about to get even worse. Really this episode almost everyone in the parental front is keeping a secret or being in denial, trying to keep the status quo in their lives, in contrast most of the teens are at the verge of really taking a step into action, Nate finally does something to put a stop to his dad lies by getting him arrested, Serena is experiencing a loving relationship for the first time, Dan gets ready to leave his virgin status behind, Chuck is taking his first steps in the business goals and Blair is finally ready to accept that his relationship with Nate must end. In the end though, of course Chuck and Blair went through something else this week.

Honestly, what can I say about Chuck and Blair in this episode that hasn’t been said before. This is the start of one the most iconic couples in T.V. I mean if they were real people this was the night that changed the course of their lives forever, it’s a monumental moment for so many reasons. There’s Blair who up until now, has never contemplated a future that doesn’t includes Nate, but as each previous episode showed holding up to that future gets harder and harder, no matter what she does, he seems farther and farther away from her reach, she tries being sexy, ruining Serena, elaborate games and none of it goes, by the time the family dinner comes to be, she’s exhausted, she’s all prim and proper, Vanderbilt ring in her hand and she’s never looked more miserable. And so she lets go of Nate, and goes to the one place she can escape from it ill, it’s a very obvious visual image but still I love the moment the dress came off is the moment one can tell she’s finally free from it all, basking in that relief she said she felt.

So she dances, and she does it for Chuck Bass. It may have happened because of a dare but really it’s almost logical that she let’s all her uptightness on the floor in his company because if one goes back and looks to the previous six episodes she’s at her realest with him, since the first episode he doesn’t sugar coats her thoughts with him, doesn’t pretend to be nicer, makes him a part of her plots and he knows about all her issues with Nate, their friendship is a lowkey constant in the background, and this episode starts with a reminder of that fact, he takes her to Victrola because he trust her judgment above all others, his second toughest critic, only behind his dad. Their friendship is one factor about them that I feel got lost as the season go by, but it’s one of my favorite aspects about them, because that was the very first layer of their relationship.

They probably never thought about their friendship being something especial, about the fact that they shared bits of each other in a way they didn’t do with Nate and Serena, they always had chemistry and in some deep part of their brain they probably knew it all along, but it was much better to ignore it because what was the point, but is funny how as soon as Nate is out of the picture and it’s just them without inhibitions, this happens.

It’s not hard to imagine that Chuck had always thought she was “10 times hotter than pretty much anyone” This is Chuck Bass after all, and he also admired her personality, it wouldn’t surprise me if he thought that Nate was probably the worst match for a girl like Blair, and yet the way he looks at her while she’s dancing, he’s in complete awe of her, he already had her in high regards, but he had no idea that when she lets herself be free she’s the most mesmerazing thing he has seen, and oh how he wants her, it’s written all over his face when he says how amazing she was up there, and Blair who’s used to be unwanted by Nate can’t help but be drawn to it and so she kisses him, and he knows he could go for it and she most likely won’t reject him, still he asks her if she’s sure because he knows that while sex is not a big deal for him, the first time was important to her and how she only tried to rush into it until she felt she was losing, he had first row seats to all the drama that was her relationship with Nate, and so with that little question he lets her know that there’s no pressure, and also a first clear nod to how she’s different for him, he may be all for encouraging a girl to sleep with him, but not this time, and she knows it and she takes the leap, she’s doing this for her, because she wants to, not forcing it as she always had to.

Iconic scene is iconic.

Random bits:

I can’t remember if it was mentioned before but Chuck’s line “he was born poor; I was born loaded” is the first mention of the fact that the Basses are new money.

Without you ends up being a really accurate song for their whole relationship.:

I don't want this moment to ever end Where everything's nothing without you I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile 'Cause it's true: I am nothing without youThrough it all, I made my mistakes I stumble and fall, but I mean these wordsI want you to know: with everything, I won't let this go These words are my heart and soul I'll hold on to this moment, you know 'Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show that I won't let go

#as you can tell by now if you follow me i rant and rant and i can't help myself #gossip girl #gossip girl recap #gossip girl rewatch #chuck x blair #victor victrola #1x07

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daikonchild · 4 years

Text

word count: 10k

time taken: 4 days

notes: i don’t think this turned out the way i wanted it to, it’s way too fast paced, i probably will end up rewriting this in all honesty. but here you go! this is only part one, ill link part 2 when i post it! credit to @ikarus.txt on Instagram for ren!

characters: ocs only

cw/tw: religious mentions, demons, implied nsfw in one part

———————————

Ren... Didn’t know what to do. He was sitting in someone’s house, a very pretty house, but still. A stranger’s house. He had been knocked out, and now he woke up here, a cloth on his head, his horns bandaged up, same with his tail and wings. And it felt nice but.

“...Where the flying fuck am I?” He glanced around, it was a very regal house.

Portraits hung cleanly, the occasional butler or maid would pass by. The couch was velvet like, and even if Ren was butt naked under the cover, which seemed to be leopard print, he felt comfortable. The soft noses of cats came by sometimes, Ren enjoying it a bit.

On the other hand, the yelling children and other people following them around was annoying as all hell. Maybe it was his perked demon senses due to the ears, maybe not, but he hated it.

To add on, they were all humans. Disgusting mortals who were only good for sex, being bred, food, murder, and souls. Nothing else about them was useful to Ren. He didn’t even want to be in the mortal realm, he was only here to collect the souls of the unholy, bring them to his lord Rei, then go to another realm. He only had three decades, and that was a small portion of time for him.

“Hmph...” Maybe the shelter was good, but still. That was it. He wouldn’t find anything interesting.

...Oh who was he kidding, the shelter was amazing. There were butlers for crying out loud, and a lot of loud children, meaning there had to be some milf or dilf in the hous-

“Hello?” The soft voice of a male. Almost soothing. Ren groaned, turning away from the noise.

“Shuddup...”

“Ah fuck. An annoying one.” A snap later, and a few people were surrounding him.

“Fuck off satan...” He felt someone flip him over, him blinking. He didn’t like it, at all.

“Ah... There. You four can leave.” Ren was now looking at a pretty male. Someone who he could only describe as prince like. He was surprisingly... He didn’t give off the same aura as other mortals. Ren didn’t like him, but instead of a harmful, rude, dark aura, it was soft, mellow, soft aura. It made Ren relax for a little while. But not enough to listen to him

“Hey! What the fuc-Ow ow ow-“ Ren whined at the feeling of the man pulling him up. It hurt, a lot. “Wh-Where am I? And stop touching me you disgusting mortal-“

The human blinked, a soft sigh leaving his lips. “You demons are such dumbasses.”

“Hey how do you know I’m a demon-“

“You’re in my house you dumbass, I found you looking like shit on the side of the road and you needed somewhere. God you are so stupid. Sit still.” Ren tensed up, feeling the boy’s hand on his face, patching up a open wound. He seemed talented with his motions, knowing how to clean the wound and patch it up.

Ren wasn’t a very safe person, usually leaving wounds open and unattended to, but the man seemed... Soft. Fragile as well, Ren could definitely best him in anything. Not the mention the dress, Ren would’ve guessed he was a chic if it wasn’t for his voice.

His lacy apron, his dress, he didn’t look half bad for a human. Like a small living cottagecore aesthetic. Ren could still chuck him out a window.

A shelter as well. This is what he needed. He was going to just kill someone for their house, but that had so many fucking risks, but this place seemed nice. It seemed almost perfect, along with free food and much more.

“Done. You demons are such fucking idiots.” Ren groaned at his insults, being a bit offended. “Now lay down.”

“Nope.”

“I said lay down.” He glared, Ren shaking his head cockily. “What do you want in return you nasty demon?”

“...” Ren tapped his chin, eyeing the smaller up and down. “Hm~... A human like you can-“

“Guards! Pull hi-“

“No no! I have something!”

“What? If you think of a good deal, then I’ll need something in return. Something worth my time...” He slowly got up. Ren blinked, listening to the smaller. He seemed more businesslike then Ren had thought.

“Elaborate?”

“I don’t know, that’s up to you. Plus, I need something of value from you.” The human glanced down at the demon, coldness in his eyes. “I don’t know, think about it yourself. You’re the demon. Shouldn’t you be good at making deals?”

“Wait wait, you-“

“You’re a demon, I could care less, I don’t give a fuck, whatever people say. Just stay here until you think of a proper deal. Something that you want and something I want.”

“Do... Do I have to make a deal?”

“No, but it seems like a demon as foolish as you would make one. Plus, I need some reason to care for who you are.” Ren regretted thinking he was nice. “Now, do you have any proposals? I’m waiting.”

“Shit... If...” Ren groaned. “...If you make a contract with me, then I’ll behave and help you clean around the house.”

“Hm.” He stared down at the demon, seeing it try and look confident, “What do I get out of a contract with you?”

“Free sex, order, knowing where I am, a cool tattoo, along with a way to contact me if I were to go missing. And I can’t take your soul like this.” Ren assumed the feminine male would know this. He didn’t know why he was making a contract with him.

He needed somewhere to stay, and even if he were to go anywhere else, he could win a fight, but that would make him distracted, he’d have to do something unnecessary, and that could also be someone else’s victim. So he didn’t want that.

Plus the human seemed good enough. He was a little bitch from what he had seen so far, and Ren wanted to kill him a bit, but at the same time, everyone here seemed so happy. And if he was the head of the house, he could seduce him, then take his house after killing him. He didn’t have the proper aura of an unholy soul, and that was rare to come by, so he would have a good reason...

Ren saw the small boy contemplate it, staring down at the ground, his mind wondering around.

“...I suppose. But doesn’t a contract mean-“

“I’m also allowed to order you around. You’ll be like... A pet! An annoying little bitchy pet, but a pet.”

“I’m not... W-Whatever, what do you need me to sign.” A puff of smoke, and a clipboard and pen was in his lap. And of course he was reading it.

Ren groaned, leaning against the couch. Well it didn’t elaborate the kind of demon Ren was, so he wasn’t too worried.

He was an incubus, like a sex god, but a lot more tame. The main reason he wanted Seruni to make a contract with him? It’s good to have a human shield just in case you need to be careful. Especially a human shield that looks as fine as that...

He chuckled softly, looking down at contract signing male. Soon, a flick of the wrist, and it was returned to him. Ren quickly read the name.

“Seruni... Dakion? Is that a fucking fake last name?” Ren raised an eyebrow.

“Bit-Why the fuck would I lie about my last name?” Seruni crossed his arms, still glaring at Ren. He was hardly intimidating, but he was trying.

“Fine.” Ren signed himself, and it proved him wrong. A small stinging feeling came from his back, glancing over at Seruni, who was clearly feeling the same. He looked around quickly, one eye shut. No one. Good. There wasn’t a reason, he just felt it would be better with that.

“Ouch ouch...” Seruni sighed from relief when it stopped, gently grasping his back. “What was that?”

“The ritual symbol, did you not know about that?”

“No... Suppose not.” Ren nodded, gently grasping the boy’s face. “Hey wha-Mm!” A soft kiss between them, Ren shutting his eyes to enjoy it.

“Mm~...” Ren giggled into the kiss, before cutting it off swiftly with his thumb, just as Seruni was about to melt into the feeling. “Good Daikon pet!”

“I’m not a pe-Fuck!” And Ren had disappeared in his grasp, the cover falling onto the couch without a sight. “Stupid fucking demon...” He tried to ignore the bright red stuck on his face due to the kiss, covering it with his arm.

Seruni slouched down onto his couch, not knowing what better to do. But of course, was instantly brought of it by a little child.

“Is everything alright sir..?” The girl grinned brightly at the house husband, him smiling softly.

“Of course, go back to doing what you were doing, unless you need to-Oh-Yeah go ahead.” She opened her book, flipping to a random page and started to ramble happily about her story.

Seruni would’ve stopped her, but just sighed softly, patting her head and allowing her to go on. Maybe it wouldn’t be as tough with the kids around him.

---

Ren quietly sighed, sitting on top of the roof. He had officially been in this hell hole of a house for three weeks. Each day it was some new kid yelling out in joy, clinging to his arm, only being stopped by Seruni.

It was good food though, he hadn’t really gotten used to someone caring for him. It was new, it was like the family he never had. Something eventful. They would constantly listen to Seruni, who took great care of them. Ren didn’t really see any of them as special, besides maybe Seruni.

It was so peaceful out. Maybe it was because there weren’t any mortals on his doorstep bothering him, maybe not. Either way, the view over the pond was beautiful, the moon lighting up the sky, the soft noises of fireflies and-

“Hey.”

“Fuck!” Ren flinched, looking behind him. “Oh. You.” Seruni sighed, sitting next to him.

Ren stared at the pond. He needed to flirt with him, try and seduce him and get into bed with him. No one would have him as a victim due to his holy aura. He could just kill him and then that would get rid of him.

Seruni laid back against the roof, Ren staring at him. Not a dress, but still feminine clothing. White suspenders with a lacy undershirt, something Ren would only see in those cheesy romantic comedies. He... Didn’t look too bad for a human.

Ren had to admit, he was an attractive human. He had the looks, the personality from what he could see. He had an overall calming demeanor. Most likely good in bed, but most definitely submissive and nervous.

“So... Why is something as beautiful as you awake at this time?” Ren winked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Because I’m trying to read. But a certain demon is being an annoying bitch and won’t let me.” Ow, that hurt. Seruni opened his book, placing it on his lap, the demon glaring at him. He was going to be hard to get with.

“Mm...” Ren kept his eyes on the human, watching him flip through the pages. His calming demeanor, his soft face... It was easy to like, he hadn’t seen an attractive human in forever. “So~, are you single?”

“A-Are you flirting with me?” Seruni glanced over at him.

“Well who wouldn’t?” His trashy and corny flirting seemed to work on Seruni, his face heating up. He was even more cute when he was nervous. A cold harsh business heir who’s embarrassed easily and becomes a nervous wreck... That didn’t sound too bad.

“O-Oh shut up...” Seruni turned away, trying to ignore the man’s affection attitude. Ren didn’t give up though, his hands grasping Seruni’s waist and thigh.

“Woah... Are all humans this...” He jokingly squished his thigh, before getting a slam of a book to the face. “Fuck!”

“I-Oh my god I’m so sorry, wait...” Seruni didn’t pack a punch in it of himself, but that book was thick and heavy, it would definitely leave some bruising. The demon pulled away, trying to get away from him. He wasn’t a holy aura, he was a horrid-

“Mm-“ Ren felt an ice pack hit his face, whining softly at the feeling. “I-It’s so cold...”

“Hey... Just relax. I’m sorry... Just breath.” The demon wanted to pull away, but he didn’t, relaxing slightly. He didn’t think a human could care this much. Sure, Seruni had patched him up before, but he didn’t see it, so it could’ve been anyone. And the scar on his face wasn’t that bad, but...

Owning up to his own faults and doing this? It felt sincere... Unlike any other human he had seen. Everyone else would hurt him even more, or yell and order him around. Seruni was so gentle, his movements were... Soothing.

“...O-Okay...” Ren trusted him, he felt a bit more calm, leaning into his ice pack. Seruni let out a soft sigh, holding the ice pack there.

“Here... Let me make this more comfortable, a-and do-don’t tell a-anyone e-else or I’ll kick you out...” He didn’t have the guts to, but still.

Seruni sat up, pulling Ren’s head down into his lap, the softness of his thighs gently pressing against Ren’s head. The other hand moved the ice pack beside Ren’s cheek. Ren tensed up, he doubted this. He had never been treated like this. With sincere care.

“You’re... You’re messing with me aren’t you?” He shivered in fear, scared of what Seruni was going to do. Sure, he could beat Seruni up, but this was new, he hadn’t ever had this much affection.

“I’m not. I’m trying to ease your mind. Shush. You’re such a dumb demon...” Ren wanted this to last forever... He never got this, he barely knew what was happening, but it made him feel warm inside. Seruni’s thigh warmth, along with the ice pack.

“It’s... Woah.” The demon blinked, “You’re so nice...”

“I-No I’m not! I-I’m... I-I’m not nice...” Seruni looked away, still being as tsundere as ever.

“Oh c’mon! I’ve never gotten a mortal who would risk their night for a demon~. Plus you don’t look hideous!”

“I-... Is that a compliment..? W-Whatever, I’m not n-nice...” Seruni, even during this small little debate, wouldn’t let Ren move around.

“I guess~... But you’re quite special for a human...” Ren stared at the water, enjoying the comfortability.

“Hmph... On that note, you need to sleep.”

“Oh c’mon... No I don’t.”

“Yes, yes you fucking do.” Seruni retorted, his tone colder then before.

“Ugh... I’m not moving from here though.”

“You... Y-You want to sleep on my thighs, d-dumbass?”

“Well I was thinking just sleeping with you, but that works too.”

“Se-“

“Yes, sexually. But if you’re going to be weak and not-H-What are you doing?” Seruni retracted his thighs, picking up Ren’s head.

“Demon, lay flat.”

“Wow. We made a contract and you still don’t know the spell to order me around? What a weakling.” Ren chuckled, shifting around to lay flat, arms behind his head. But this teasing attitude soon changed, Seruni laying on top of Ren, face on his chest. “O-Oh.”

Ren was flustered now, not having experienced this. Usually after doing the deed, he just kinda left, there wasn’t any point in anything after that. And sure, this wasn’t sex, but it was cuddling, and Ren hadn’t ever...

“Shuddup y-you ugly d-demon...” Seruni nuzzled his neck, now really portraying his nickname of a pet.

“Are...” Ren’s heartbeat was a lot faster, him trying to find a way to slow it down, but he wasn’t able to. “Fuck-Uhm, a-are you comfortable?”

“...Y-Yeah...” Seruni’s hands wrapped around Ren’s upper back. And the incubus was panicking, not knowing what to do.

“I-Oh...” He, being more of a sexual person, moved his hand to Seruni’s ass, the other in his hair. Seruni shifted around, but just let the demon, not having the balls to speak up.

Both of them were having a gay panic attack, bright red, and nervous. Ren’s tail moved around Seruni’s back. Soon, even Ren’s wings lazily wrapped around Seruni.

“Does... Is that-I-Is that more warm?” He gently scratched Seruni’s head, Seruni still in his neck.

“I-Y-Yeah...” Both of them went quiet after that, Seruni and Ren way too embarrassed to speak up. Neither of them had ever cuddled before, well, Seruni had a lot, but he had never cuddled with a demon. It was foreign to him. At the same time, Seruni enjoyed it. It mad him feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Seruni soon fell asleep, the noise of Ren’s heartbeat easing his mind. It had always calmed him, and even if his heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest, Seruni didn’t care.

Ren was trying to sleep, but with his heart racing. He usually only had sex, making them satisfied by that, but this was... So much better, so much softer.

Ren couldn’t even stop staring, how peaceful Seruni looked, how he breathed softly, chest falling and rising against his own. Like a small little cat, or like a prince. How did a human act like such a cold hearted bitch, but then they looked like this, and treated him with care...

This... This mortal was different to Ren. Something worth protecting and cherishing. Ren didn’t understand the emotion, how it felt like his heart was pounding against his chest over and over again. How he wanted Seruni to cuddle him more. How he thought Seruni would make the perfect person to make a contract with.

“...I’d have to ask Rei.” He softly groaned, the missions and tasks he had been assigned completely washing away in his mind, instead filled with a certain little house husband who was undeniably the most adorable mortal Ren had seen in ever.

---

The soft noise of the fire filled the room, Ren half asleep on Seruni’s chest. It had become a habit for these two to cuddle like this after that incident. Sure, they grew close alarmingly fast, but Ren really wanted to learn about human affection, and Seruni had obliged.

“Ah~... No, no horns. Hands back to my horns.” Seruni scratched right where his horns connected to his head, the demon smiling like a dork. “Fuck~... It feels so nice...” Ren loved being the center attention, especially when it came to this mortal in particular.

“Nasty demon, may I ask something?”

“I have a name but go on beautiful~...” Ren was really dazed, so soft from being treated like a little puppy, borderline being a golden retriever boy.

“Why do you seem... So starved for attention?”

“Hm... Oh...” Ren looked a bit sadder, before opening his eyes. “I’ve... I’ve never gotten any affection besides sex. Maybe a bit of flirting, but that’s... That’s it. I-I don’t mean to over spill but...” Seruni stopped scratching when he lowered his tone, having a feeling something was up.

“M-My mom... She left me at young age... Maybe 100 years into my life? M-My dad was just abusive... I’ve... I’ve never been in a committed relationship either. Well, I’ve always wanted to be in one, but ya know... Never happened.” Ren sniffled, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. “A-And... D-Demons are cruel, a-and none of them g-give me the littlest bit of a-attention...”

Seruni’s gaze softened, Ren starting to cry. He grasped the taller’s face, wiping his tears away. Ren rubbed against his hand, acting like a little kitty.

“A-And for a mortal, s-something a-as disgusting a-as you, t-to give m-me what I-I n-need...” Ren whined, trying to not bother. He loved how Seruni treated him, he wanted more of his attention, for him to constantly give him affection and attention and praise...

“Demon.” Ren blinked, teary eyed as Seruni wiped his tears. “Rest in my neck for a second... We can get hot chocolate and watch a horror movie, you don’t have to move from my chest, I-I can give attention to whatever demon part makes you feel happy to be scratched by, a-and... W-We c-can do that i-if it eases your mind... B-But don’t be w-weird a-and t-tell the others d-dumbass...

Ren blinked, before grinning brightly, huddling against Seruni. “Yes, yeah of course! I’d love to!”

“Glad...” Seruni tried to move his arm away, the demon instantly grabbing it. “H-Hey? I-I need...”

“Horns and tail.” The house husband sighed, his hand moving down towards his tail, rubbing it a bit, before scratching where it connected to Ren’s lower back, he did the same with his horns. “Oh satan that feels nice...” He grinned, his face in his nape.

“I’ll... I’ll call the staff.”

And a few moments later, Seruni had kept his promise. The pair were huddle up with a blanket around them, Seruni’s hands now on his wings and massaging them, Saw 1 on the TV, Ren passionately watching seeing as he hadn’t seen it before,

“C’mon... You can do it woman! You can get it off your head!” Ren cheered, having only enjoyed her character so far. Plus she was pretty. Not to mention that Ren whole heartedly believed movies actually portrayed real things, thinking that she was actually in trouble. Seruni didn’t dare correct him. “Yes! You can do it girl!”

Seruni snickered, enjoying the other’s passion, his pure joy and happiness filling the room. The demon grabbed his cup of hot chocolate, holding it, Seruni only able to describe it like he was L from Death Note, and drank some.

“Yes! Don’t kill her possessed doll! Y-Oh wait that, mm~...” He softly groaned, Seruni scratching it in a particular way, distracting from whatever was going on in the movie. It wasn’t in a weird way, but he was an incubus, of course he made weird, a bit sexual, noises whenever he felt happy. “So nice... Thank you Daikon pet...”

The human sighed. “Y-You’re such a dumb demon...”

“Yeah but you love me~...” Ren teased, hearing Seruni’s heartbeat speed up a bit.

“N-No... No I-I don’t...” Seruni looked away, still acting all tsundere as usual. Ren giggled, before grasping his chin, leaning in close to Seruni’s lips, their eyes meeting.

“Mm~...” His finger traced over the softness of the house husband’s lips, Seruni already trembling to his touch. And without hesitation...

He leaned in, watching Seruni close his eyes, trying to compute what was going on, but at the same time he was completely okay with it. Ren giggled, their lips touching slightly, before...

A loud slurp noise, Ren’s tongue licking Seruni’s lips. Due to him being a demon, his tongue was a lot longer then usual, probably going down to his neck.

“Wh-Hey!” Seruni was bright red, but then there was demon spit on his face, Ren snickering softly. “I-It isn’t-Mm!”

Ren actually kissed him this time, easing into the kiss, making Seruni even more flustered. Still, he leaned into it, not moving his hands, but being a lot more gentle with scratching. Just soft kissing, Seruni enjoying the attention.

Ren pulled away, glancing at his lips. “I... Woah. Mortals usually don’t have this good of lips...” He toyed with his with his thumbs, staring dazedly at them. He had to admit, they were almost perfect.

“S-Shut...” Seruni didn’t want to finish, feeling Ren pull him into another kiss, their lips connecting, making Seruni space out. He couldn’t deny how perfect this guy’s lips were.

Soon, Ren leaned in again, surprisingly not horny or sexual about it. He just thought Seruni had a nice pair of lips on him, pulling him even closer, hoping no one would walk in. The hands through his hair, making sure he was focusing on him and him only, nothing else.

Ren was probably getting addicted to kisses from Seruni, even if they only had kissed a few times. His lips felt so soft, like plush. Something that Ren absolutely adored.

“Fuck...” Seruni pulled away, the incubus a bit distracted by all the tension between them. He just watched, Seruni slowly regaining his breath. “Ah... F-Fucking... St-Stupid demon!”

“Didn’t you say you wanted to be kissed Daikon~?” Ren winked, Seruni quickly turning his head to glare at the winking boy. “Okay okay, I’m sorry my little pet.”

“S-Stop i-it... I-I’m not a p-pet...” He whined, his hands slowly going back to scratching.

“Human pet~, signed under a contract~. What will I do with you? I’ll just... Make you feel like the little prince you are.” He kept teasing him, trying to see how embarrassed Seruni could get.

“I-I’m not a-a p-pet o-or a pr-prince...” Ren giggled, his hands moving down south, grabbing Seruni’s ass. “H-Hey!”

“Oh nothing~... Just giving these attention~...” Another quick wink, he was back to groping his ass, Seruni bright red as usual. “You can ignore me Daikon~...”

Weakly, Seruni’s hand grabbed Ren’s horns, scratching where his horns and head met, the other moving down to his tail and massaging there. Ren lazily giggled, his face resting in the crook of Seruni’s neck.

“What a cute little human~... Alright~, continue.”

---

“Ooo~...” Ren watched quietly, seeing Seruni busy flipping pancakes. “Morning mortal!”

They had become fairly close after that previous cuddling session. Seruni wanted Ren to be open with him, and hearing him openly talk about his feeling made Seruni a bit happier. He wanted to make sure Ren was happy, reassure him in anyway possible.

“Morning twink.” Seruni yawned, staring at what he was making intently. Ren simply watched, not really caring. He just stood next to him as he cooked breakfast.

“That looks good~... Almost as good as your ass.” Ren winked, before getting shin kicked. Really hard. Not with any mercy. “Ow! Fuck!”

“Y-You fu-fucking perverted d-demon...”

“It’s not my fault you have a good ass.” Ren yawned, acting it off as he wrapped his arms around Seruni, his hands grabbing Seruni’s thighs. “These, belong to mwah~.” Ren chuckled, his hands playing with the squishiness.

“Y-You’re...” Seruni let out a groan. “F-Fucking si-simp...”

“Mhm~...” Ren stayed behind Seruni, doing his normal demon simp things, absolutely worshipping the house husband’s thighs with his hands.

Seruni shakily sighed, continuing to make breakfast, the demon a bit clingy but overall not too concerning. It was just a classic warmth session, nothing too weird.

Soft noises of the pancake hitting the pan then the plate, Seruni having to cook for around 40 people. Ren didn’t even know how Seruni’s house could hold that many people, but it seemed to. And everyone absolutely adored his food, that included Ren.

“Y-You can... Y-You can let go.” Ren heard Seruni mumble, his voice soft, face bright red, trying to play off his nervousness.

“What? Does it make you embarrassed?”

“No-No... I-It’s just t-that we aren’t d-dating? And ya know, w-we’re just friends.” Ren rolled his eyes, only clinging onto him harder. Seruni didn’t seem to mind, but part of what Seruni had said, it just started to gnaw at him.

That they aren’t dating. I mean, Ren knew that, they had only known each other for around 4 months, but Ren had already grown attached to Seruni. He was so kind, and he didn’t seem to mind that Ren was such a dork. An attention hungry little dork. If anything, it seemed like Seruni had found it sweet. Which was the truth. Seruni thought that Ren clinging to him was sweet.

How he looked, how he acted, Ren was a bit way too happy that Seruni existed. He wanted to pick him up sometime, see him flustered but looking down at Ren. Ren just switching it up, kissing him on the lips happily. It made Ren’s heart flutter whenever it happened

...

Was kissing not a common thing between humans? He hadn’t seen any of the humans kiss each other on the lips like him and Seruni did. He had seen people do it before, but most of them were holding hands or had rings on.

“Hey, Daikon. Is... Is kissing a common form of greeting between humans? We did it before, so I assume it’s common...” Ren mumbled the last part, leaning Seruni’s shoulder to look up at him.

“Wh-What? N-No i-it isn’t...” Seruni was trying not to mess up the food, while also focusing on Ren.

“Huh? Then why-“

“Y-You kn-know why stupid!” Seruni looked away, softly kicking Ren’s ankles. Not enough for him to even feel the pain, but maybe a small wince.

“Wh-No I don’t!” Ren blinked, a bit stiffened. “Is it something private?”

“I...I-I suppose...” Seruni was trying to make an excuse of his blatant like to be kissed by the simp, even if it was hard to explain that he had a small crush on the demon. But that was a whole other topic.

Ren sighed, cuddling up against the human’s back, before quietly whispering. “Human~... C’mon~, you don’t want to hide that from me?” And then a loud shriek. And it wasn’t from Seruni. “Fuck!”

“Y-You dumb... D-Dumb fucking de-demon...” Seruni was trying to cool his face, trying to ease his heart, but it was pretty hard to when he had no way to get out of being asked why he wanted to be kissed by Ren and Ren exclusively. Especially when Ren was using a raspy voice to see if he could be sexual and get it out of him.

“Hmph. Whatever.” The demon pouted, trying to play being kicked off, tightening his grasp around Seruni. The feminine male just remained silent, having a small urge to shin kick him again.

The silence remained like that for a few seconds, Seruni setting down the pan for a few seconds. Ren watched, lowkey having an idea of what to do to set Seruni off even more.

Ren grabbed Seruni’s shoulder, spinning him around, before pulling him to the side of the counter, making sure he wouldn’t burn himself on the stove, before grabbing his collar, the other arm on the counter holding Seruni in place, kissing him. Almost instantly he could hear the house husband’s panic, nearly being able to hear the guy’s heart beat.

Still, he quickly melted into the kiss, lips colliding, matching together like two puzzle pieces. His arms wrapped around Ren’s neck, pulling him a bit deeper. Neither of them cared if someone walked in, if this was gay, or anything. They just wanted to be there and kiss until they felt hazy minded, having to pull away, trying to regain their train of thought, before tossing that out the window again, kissing more.

Seruni pulled away, taking deep breaths. “F-Fuck...” Ren panted as well, even if he didn’t need to. Heart racing was an understatement.

Ren traced his thumb over Seruni’s lips, the human still trying to regain his breath. Seruni stayed a panting mess for a few seconds, before softly nodding, Ren instantly taking his chance and tugging him close and kissing him. He chose not to pin him this time, just tugging at his hair so he could make the kiss deeper, his other hand on Seruni’s lower back.

What was this? Ren’s chest felt like it was about to explode, that it was going to burst out of his chest, like something was just drumming on it over and over again. He didn’t hate it, it felt amazing, and it was caused by Seruni.

It didn’t feel like lust, even if that was a factor. It felt so much more... Warm, happy? It felt like his mind was blank with Seruni’s kisses, hugs, his care, everything, it made him a bit dazed.

Ren tried to think, but he couldn’t, feeling Seruni pulling him a bit harder. It was the only thing he could think of. Ren could multitask usually, but this made it so much different.

A loud door slam, Seruni instantly pulling away, pushing Ren off, landing against the counter. It was all so sudden to Ren, making him tremble a bit. It was another human, a more disgusting one. Well, all mortals were disgusting, maybe minus Seruni. But his mortalness did make Ren a bit ticked off.

The other human didn’t seem to care what was going on, simply walking to what Seruni called a fridge, pulling out a can of something orange with a fruit on the cover. They chugged it down, taking a quick sigh of relief after they finished it, before casually tossing it in the trash.

“See ya.” It was so fast, neither Ren or Seruni were near each other, Ren letting out a sigh of relief.

“Fuck...” Ren walked closer, arms wrapping around Seruni, a wink towards him. “May I, Daikon?”

Something seemed off, Seruni going quiet, Ren a bit put off. Something was on Seruni’s mind.

“You’re... You’re a demon, why am I even fucking...” Seruni dropped down, getting out from in his arms. “No-No no... You’re a demon, I’m not supposed to be with you.”

“Huh-What?” Ren blinked, staring hardly at the smaller. “We legit just fucking made ou-“

“No, Ren, I don’t think you fucking understand... I know you mean no harm, but I have a high profile family, and if I’m caught with someone like you, a demon? I’m fucking dead.” Seruni grasped the counter, pinching his nose slightly.

“I-Oh.” Ren grasped his arm. “Is your family... Is your family really that important to you?”

“Yes, what the fuck do you think?” Seruni slightly raised his voice, but his mood instantly changed, realizing he had just snapped at Ren. “Wait-Fuck I’m sorry, it’s... It’s my fault, I need to go... I’ll call someone else in.” Ren tried to grab Seruni’s hand, only for the smaller to jerk it away.

And there he was left, alone.

---

Ren... Didn’t know what he was feeling. Pissed, mad, enraged, Iike there was a pit in his stomach due to this. But even with that, he was trying to solve the feeling he was feeling about Seruni. It felt nice, but he didn’t understand it. Whenever Seruni was around, he felt a bit light headed, like Seruni was causing it. He didn’t think Seruni was a warlock or something of the sort, he was a mortal, but it was like some spell had been put on him, causing him to swoon.

Kissing him was replaying like a movie in his mind, like it was something that would never stop. The fight after was still in his mind, but at the same time, Seruni’s kiss was so fucking nice, and everything bad washed out of his mind due to it.

“Fuck~...” He suffocated his face in the pillow, trying to distract himself in some way. He ignored the wetness on his face from previously crying, seeing as they had only fought a few hours ago. He felt so light headed, almost like he could fly-Never mind, he could fly. Well, that he could fly without wings.

Ren grabbed the phone like device, dialing some random digits, picking it up to call his boss. Rei Mitsuru, she was honestly a scary women, and he was not ready to talk with her.

“...Hello?” Her voice came through the phone, Ren’s posture almost immediately tensing up. The merciless women already sounded tired of him. It was at this moment he chose not to bring up the fight, knowing she would probably be mad that he had already gotten into a fight with a non-victim.

“Yeah, it’s Ren...” He nervously spoke, his entire demeanor filled with fear.

“Akisuta? Oh. Hmph.” Rei sighed, already speaking. “Tell me, what are your intentions? If it’s not worth my time I expect an apology.” Yeah, he knew why. She was definitely stepping on someone based on the gagging in the background.

“I know this is a really odd question, but you know love? Like, the feeling that you feel when you... I don’t know, I’ve never felt it. Which-“

“Cliche. And are you asking what love means?” Rei chuckled. “What? Did you fall in love with a fucking whoreish mortal?”

“He’s not a whore!” Ren blinked, realizing what he had just said. Love, Seruni? Well, he thought he loved Seruni, I mean, it was perfectly plausible. I mean, he did look nice, he seemed overall... Nice enough. Plus Ren could force him to cuddle without getting into too much trouble.

“You... You fell in love with a human?” Rei seemed more cold, and the gagging had even stopped. He heard a lot crack and yelp in the background, following by the clacking of her heels. “Oh my god, you disgusting, foolish, nasty, ugly demon. You stupid idiot, what is your problem?”

“I-I don’t... I don’t know... He just... He’s just there, and... I kinda... I’ve never felt more happy around someone. He treats me normally, and...” Ren shivered quietly. “I like cuddling with him by the fire as he plays with my tail and wings, watching a horror thing, then talking while we do so, occasionally our lips meeting as we talk, enjoying the attention. It feels right! But, the thought of fighting with him,” He tried to be round about mentioning the fight, “it hurts, I don’t want to fight with him, he makes me so happy... And I love it, not the fighting, just his presence, and I don’t know for sure, but I think I might be in love with him? That isn’t weird right?”

The clacking of shoes stopped, followed by a sigh. “Tell me, what do you feel when you’re around him? Bliss? Joy? Does it feel like he’s causing this?”

“Oh! Well he’s super handsome and cute, he’s good with kids, he’s the owner of this household. He has a purer and more calming aura then an unholy aura, and it seems like he wouldn’t be a victim for anyone.”

“His name?”

“Seruni Daikon.”

“...We have a Seruni Dakion?”

“Oh, uhm, him! Yeah! Sorry, his name sounds so much cuter with Daikon, right?” Ren snickered, listening to Rei type.

“...He seems clean. An assistant to a lot of murders, but, you know.” Rei sighed, looking at her reports on the man.

“Woah... You think he’d commit arson with me?” Ren kicked his feet back and forth behind him, smiling at the thought of Seruni and him committing crimes together.

“No, looks like he has a stick up his ass, but... He seems pleasant, I like him.” She was clearly going through his record, smirking softly at what she was seeing. It was quite pleasant for Ren to pick a half decent man. “A house husband, would be a good partner. Not to mention feminine, he doesn’t seem bad.”

“Mhm~... Soft thighs, soft cuddler, amazing food, the best lips I’ve ever kissed, they’re addicting, and imagining him as mine would be so fucking amazing, it’s one of the best thoughts I can think of right now...”

“So... Are you in love with him?”

“I... I think I am.” Ren sighed with a dumb founded smile on his face. “I love Seruni... That seems right, I like that.”

“Does he seem to like you back?”

“No idea.”

“Okay, what about interactions you have had?”

“Ooh~, he cuddled with me on the couch after I had an emotional breakdown, his hands were just scratching at all the right spots, not sexually. Not to mention the kisses, how amazing his lips felt against mine, his embarrassment is so fucking sweet. He’s good with kids, even if I want to kill a child.” Ren explained, trying to fit all his thoughts on Seruni into one thought. It was hard. “Also his thighs, they’re like little pillows, I need to see them-“

“Nothing sexual, I will block you and boot your ass back into the demon realm.”

“Alright alright, Satan.” The incubus rolled his eyes, a bit too dazed to form a sentence without rambling about his small little tsundere crush. “I like it. I really like being in love with him.”

“Is that so?”

“Duh. I mean, he might not like me back, a-and that hurts, but, if he does, imagine all the little dates we could go on, cuddling on his bed, how we could just talk for hours, really anything. We would be partners in crime.” A shaky sigh left his lips. “That isn’t weird right?”

“No, you’re just a whore.” Ren groaned, taking that a bit personally.

“Rude... I just think he’s so...”

“Perfect, yaddity yadda. Whatever. Is there anything else you had to tell me?” Rei tapped her heel out of impatience, almost sensing something was off.

“...Yeah, actually. See uhm... Me and Seruni got into a fight recently. I didn’t mean to set him off or anything, it’s my fault, I kissed him and he realized just with a sudden realization that I was a demon, and that we shouldn’t even be in contact, and I got scared. Do you have any advice to settle this? I’ve never been in a situation like this.” Ren rambled a bit.

“I see... Well one, he’s acting pretty stupid. He shouldn’t be acting that way towards an incubus, stupid mortal.” Ren snickered at that, but it was a lot more sour, nervous. “But I suppose if you just let it happen. Don’t try and solve it with him, he might need time to think. When you have alone time together, then bring it up then, okay?”

Ren quickly shook his head. “Alright, thank you. I really appreciate it ma’am.”

“No problem whore, now I have to get back to stepping on men, this guy took all my panties. I’ll talk later you simp.” And a ring, and she had hung up.

Ren sighed, flipping over. That was that. He was in love, in love with a dumb mortal. He didn’t know how to take it, but at the same time, he really didn’t care, he was happy, knowing what it was. Even if it stun that he was in a conflict with him, he felt like he’d be able to solve it eventually.

“I... I love you Seruni Dakion.”

---

“Ren? Ren why aren’t you asleep?” Seruni walked into Ren’s room, seeing the demon up and just staring at his phone blankly. He looked tired, spaced out, but he didn’t seem to want to sleep. “Hey! Stupid demon!”

(Part 2!)

#artsy crime #oc x oc #gay #nblm #quick one shot

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pkmnjesus · 5 years

Text

⏪ P J’s PokéAni Rewind 2019

Hello, yes I’m still alive for those wondering or care at all :] Just been taking an indefinite leave from all my social media accounts (though you can still see me on Discord: PokémonJesus#2495) since mid-November going through some personal self-discovery journey...nobody misses me anyways. I’ll address that maybe in a future post, but let’s not make this about me...because RIGHT NOW it is time for my 4th annual year-end (and favorite) Tumblr tradition! 2019 was a stressful year for me personally (as you can tell I’ve been on and off here), and I appreciate all of the friends I’ve made within this fandom who’ve stuck with me through it. It was also the year of the successful launch of my new PokéAni exclusive side-blog @pokeaniepisodes where I would do my weekly episode blogging/screen-caps/GIFs for the #pokeani tag. Within the span of 10 months, I would gain over 1,000 followers! Thank you to those who have followed me there as well. Obviously due to my current circumstances, that has been put on halt as well after Sun & Moon ended. Apologies, but I’ll be back in 2020 hopefully. As for PokéAni, it was bittersweet as we bid Alola farewell with the Sun & Moon series ending heading into the next generation series. If you’re curious to hear what I have to say about the new series, well here’s your post! The Pokémon anime has officially wrapped up for this year with Ash & Go in the Hoenn region earlier today, in where he WON another tournament showing Go how it’s done! But now, it is time to highlight some of the best episodes (this post will be following the original Japanese release dates, but will still be using the English/game dub names for a universal understanding by all) I personally found noteworthy from each month. Without further ado, let’s take a look back at what the Pokémon anime had to offer in 2019. 1, 2, 3. LET’S GO!

JANUARY - Hello Hapu

The Poni Island adventures begin! And also, the road to Ash’s final grand trial to complete. This mini-arc started a very fun series of character-centric episodes among the main cast and their Pokémon while they were in the island without Professor Kukui’s guidance. From Sophocles’s Charjabug evolving to a Vikavolt, and Lana’s Popplio evolving to Brionne (plus getting Primarium Z!). But the highlight out of all of this was the character arc of the soon-to-be Poni Island Kahuna, Hapu! She was a stubborn trainer who didn’t want to interact with anyone or battle Ash. She eventually opened up to him and his friends slowly after getting back her stolen radishes from Team Skull (the first appearance of Plumeria as well). She was a key figure on the class’ expedition throughout Poni for their respective research projects, while Tapu Fini and her late grandfather keep an eye on her progress. Eventually when she did became Kahuna, Ash finally had his rightful battle with her for a grand trial. She didn’t gain only a new set of confidence, but a new set of friends too.

FEBRUARY - Mama Mallow makes us cry

As the group continues doing their personal research projects in Poni Island, and after Kiawe clears his own trial with Tapu Fini, we get a feels trip to Mallow’s past. Thanks to Tapu Fini’s mysterious mist that allows people to see the departed, Mallow relives her childhood days with her mother. We not only get a teary backstory of what Mallow said to her ill mother before passing away, but also Lillie & Gladion’s attempt to see their “deceased” father, Mohn. Mallow seeking proper closure, finally reunites with her mother in the mist as they spend as much time catching up with one another ever since their improper argument at the hospital. We then discovered that Bounsweet was actually caught by her mom before gifting it to Mallow as her first Pokémon...who is now a fully evolved Tsareena. There were a lot of good moments like seeing the Stoutland that (as if this wasn’t enough of a feels trip) help raised Ash’s Torracat when it was still a Litten, and that Mohn is nowhere to be found in the mist meaning that he’s still alive! Stoutland’s final gift to Torracat was upgrading its Ember move to eventually learning to use Fire Blast. But the most important thing about this episode, is that it teaches us to be grateful to our parents (or those who raised us) even when it looks like they don’t seem to care, we misunderstand and overlook how much they truly care for us. Never take things for granted and live in the moment. In the end, Mallow’s mom gave her one final gift before going back to the afterlife, a Shaymin to care for. Thanks mom :’)

MARCH - Ya boi is never too late!

All we can just say when he was first announced was...finally...or about time! Team Skull boss Guzma’s long awaited appearance in the Pokémon anime happened when he and the rest of his gang visited the Pokémon School to confront Professor Kukui. After hearing about the official announcement that the first Alola League was going to happen, Guzma is determined to eliminate everything for what it stands for. Meanwhile, everyone in Alola wanted to get in on the action for an opportunity to become a champion, that includes Ash who stood up to Guzma for Kukui. After wiping the floor with Team Rocket, Guzma battles Ash taking interest with his utilization of the Z-Power Ring. Despite newly perfecting Corkscrew Crash, it had almost no damage on Guzma’s Golisopod. As the battle rages on, Golisopod’s Emergency Exit activates when Pikachu starts to get an upper hand. A stubborn Guzma not wanting to admit what really happened leaves and berates Ash as he sends a clear message on his vow to destroy the Alola League. Guzma and Kukui went face-to-face before Team Skull left, and it’s clear that his intentions were more personal. There’s always a reason behind of it all, and Guzma was seeking for vengeance.

APRIL - Mohn is missing

After discovering that their father may still be alive (as mentioned in my February highlight), Lillie and her family are searching for answers with the help of the Aether Foundation. Lusamine then confesses to her kids about an Ultra Wormhole incident that caused Mohn to disappear. As they continue to get more info, they stumble upon Mohn’s room and discovered two very important treasures. A Z-Ring which he used to wear, and a Magearna that doesn’t seem to be responsive. Lillie decides to wear and use her Z-Ring until her father is found, while also finding away to bring the Magearna he left back to life. With the blessing of Kahuna Hala and her friends’ support, she deicides to finally put her Icium-Z to good use by practicing the Subzero Slammer Z-move with Snowy now that she finally has a Z-Ring at hand. She fails at her first attempt, it won’t keep her down from practicing until she gets it right. The episode ends on a very touching note with Lillie reading an entry from her father’s old journal revealing that Mohn did in fact bought an inactive Magearna in hopes to restore it to give it to his one and only daughter as a gift <3

MAY - Lana’s lure of fate

In one of my personal favorite episodes (totally not because she’s my favorite and the best girl), I got shut up for even doubting that her Brionne would evolve this soon (don’t you just hate it when anime previews spoil?). Lana finally decides to make her dream a reality (referenced in previous episodes) to hook a Kyogre at sea! With the help of Ash, they were able to track down a Kyogre that suddenly appeared while the class were fishing. When they discovered that the Kyogre had been poisoned by Pokémon hunters, Lana decides to cure it with an antidote hooked to a special Misty lure she had been given while Ash deals with the troublemakers. Even after curing the poison, the hunters attempting to catch Kyogre made it rage even more. Lana tries to save it by trying to hook him out of the Hunter’s capturing device. She was successful in freeing it but ended up dragging her to the ocean rapidly as a storm develops from an angered Kyogre. And it was at that moment when Brionne wanted to save her trainer from getting dragged all over, evolving to Primarina was the only way to end this perfect storm. Primarina’s singing calmed down Kyogre, as Lana lifts up her rod graciously with Kyogre in the sky. Dream achieved, and a moment has been made with new sea friend. Now when Lana tells this story, it’s actually the truth and there will be no one laughing now! Later on another episode, Lana & Primarina would learn how to use and master the Oceanic Operatta Z-move, and it’s all thanks to the hook of this Kyogre. I’m sure Misty is proud as well :)

JUNE - Kid Kukui and Little Litten

There’s a Celebi in this episode...you know what that means. Back to the past! While Ash was training with his Pokémon for the Alola League, a Celebi stumbles upon them and transport Ash & Torracat to the same place where they were at, but only many years ago. They meet this little kid that had Litten with him and it was clearly obvious that his was younger Kukui and his (The Masked Royal’s) Incineroar who hasn’t evolved yet. However, Ash still had no idea he was in the past and treated little Kukui like any other kid he’d meet traveling. The two bond throughout the episode with their similar attitude when it comes to battling, and Ash gladly guided the little kid on executing Z-moves with their Pokémon. The two even worked together assisting a Totem Trevenant in sheltering all the nearby Pokémon as a rainstorm approaches. Thanks to the good heart of Ash helping out everyone, he receives his own Firium Z from the same Trevenant that gave Kukui his Firium Z. He eventually gets back to his timeline where it seemed to have an effect on the present day Kukui. If it wasn’t for that meeting, maybe the professor would’ve had his vision of forming an Alola Pokémon League if it wasn’t for that mysterious older boy he met with his Torracat. A Pokémon time paradox? Maybe...but what I loved about this story is that it repeats itself for the next episode but from the perspectives of Ash’s Pokémon that were left behind in hopes of finding their trainer. Really reminds me of that time Pokémon got separated from their trainers during S.S. Anne arc in the original series, only difference is that the perspectives of the trainers and Pokémon were happening at the same time. But you gotta love a pure whacky Pokémon adventure! Pretty much like a Pikachu short you see before movies.

JULY - Let the League begin!

The moment everyone has been waiting for...the Alola League has officially begun! With everyone prepared to unleash their Z-Power, it’s time for the qualifying round to start. Unlike previous Leagues, this starts off with a free-for-all Battle Royal with a total of 151 competitors but only 16 will advance to the next round. Most of the trainers in this League are recognizable characters if you have watched Sun & Moon in its entirety up to this point. From Mina to Kahili to Acerola to the entire Team Skull gang to Hiroki and even Pikala, every Alola character is here! While all the Island Kahunas serves as the officials for the event. It was fun way to kick-off a 4-month long League arc and they couldn’t have it done any other way. The top 16 has been decided and it gave us good match-ups to follow in the next couple of episodes such as, Mallow vs. Lana, a childhood friend clash which also tests Mallow’s courage in battling. Our favorite Team Rocket duo in disguise facing off against one another (can’t remember when was the last time we saw that). A sibling battle and a trial on how far Lillie has gone as a Pokémon trainer facing off against her strong big brother, Gladion. And of course, the friendly birby rematch between Ash and Hau. The line-up of matches is stacked! I could not remember how hyped I was for this long-awaited League arc. Some battles might’ve been short and quick, but every participant mattered! How can you not love the Sun & Moon series?

AUGUST - The Alola Final Four

And then, there were four. In the semi-finals bracket, we first have Gladion facing off against Kiawe who defeated Acerola and bested a friend in Sophocles. He’s pretty much the dark horse in this, but he’s been working hard all series with his battling to get to this point. As Lillie and Mimo (Hoshi) cheer on their big brothers, it was Gladion who got the upper hand and the two exchange in a very meaningful handshake of sportsmanship. Meanwhile on the other side of the semi-finals, Guzma, who blasted through Ilima and Lana, getting his rematch with Ash seeking for retribution after his soft defeat the last time they faced off. It was a clash of personalities as the Team Skull boss vows to get to Kukui by destroying someone who resembles him in Ash and get a big W for his fellow Team Skull outcasts. This battle was more than just advancing through the semi-finals but also the integrity of what the League will become if Guzma is successful in his ploy. Guzma was very aggressive during this match to the point of even scolding his Golisopod. But when you mad, you don’t focus well and that became Guzma’s downfall eventually resulting in his defeat against Ash who battled with his heart. Guzma had to learn the hard way, maybe softened his mindset a bit, but even after losing Plumeria and the rest of the grunts still want to be by his side improving their own skills in battle to be like their fearless leader. You never see a heartwarming ending for a “villainous” team in Pokémon before, but I think Team Skull had their own happy ending.

SEPTEMBER - The “Curse” is finally broken

Ash vs. Gladion. Here we go, the League finals to determine the inaugural champion of Alola. I mean I already made solo-post last September about how BIG this episode/moment was for our capped hero. Their rivalry has been amazing from the get-go. From their first meeting at the beach by Kukui’s place with a feisty Rockruff that wanted to battle, to the Manalo Stadium battling for a prestigious championship title with Ash’s Lycanroc fully controlled over its rage with dirt. It wasn’t a full battle, but 3-on-3 showdown served us one heck of battle! It may not be considered the best by many, but it was still an amazing and fun bout between two trainers who promised each other to meet in the finals of the big stage. The laugh they shared, the flashbacks that was shown to us (with the awesome Type: Wild! music playing in the background), and the storytelling of who wants it more makes you get to the edge of your seat, cheering for Ash to finally win a major Pokémon League. Ash’s newly evolved Melmetal showcased it’s new strength but still wasn’t able to beat Gladion’s Silvally. Then, when Zoroark and Pikachu knocked each other out, it was the 1v1 Lycanroc battle that really put this friendly and competitive rivalry full circle.

Ash has NEVER defeated Gladion...until this moment. He’s been training for this, and it finally paid off. The two Lycanroc’s took no prisoners and went back and forth with one another. In the final blow of that match, Gladion’s Lycanroc used Counter against Ash’s Lycanroc that was charging towards it, but then our big brained hero fights back with their own Counter attack. Never have I heard of Countering a Counter in the Pokémon universe, but using it in this one moment nobody expects, it was the HYPEST way to swerve fans from almost losing the match but ultimately gave an epic counterattack that would knock out Gladion’s Lycanroc. And for the first time since the Orange League, Ash is a Champion. Only this time it is a way bigger deal! Mostly because this is a game-based series which has more meaning when it comes to the Pokémon League.

Old fans, new fans, and casual viewers a like were buzzing within 24 hours after this episode released in Japan that caught mainstream media attention. People who have never seen a Pokémon anime episode in their life (or a subbed episode for that matter) past the original series, wanted to see how this episode went down to see a childhood hero achieve a major trophy. This is how big of a pop-culture icon Ash & Pikachu was among many generations of fans since the show’s launch internationally. This was truly THE PokéAni moment of 2019. Again, big congratulations to our Alola Champion, Ash Ketchum/Satoshi! Too bad Guzzlord had to ruin the closing ceremony afterparty...

OCTOBER - A fiery full final battle

So after becoming Alola Champion, sending three Guzzlords back to where they came from, reuniting with Poipole who evolved into a Naganadel, and The Masked Royal’s identity publicly revealed as Professor Kukui ALL IN THE SAME NIGHT! We finally get our exhibition match between Ash and The Masked Royal, who would like to go under his real identity. This is the final battle, and the promised reward the first Alola Champion gets. This is honestly also reward to the fans giving us one final hoorah for the Alola region with a full 6-on-6 Pokémon battle! I believe this is the only full battle we got to see in Alola and it was definitely worth the anticipation and surprise. Kukui had a lot of secret Pokémon up his sleeve that the viewers don’t know about (unless you get spoiled by freakin’ Oha Suta), and it is also the first and only official battle that Naganadel will be part of under Ash’s team. So the excitement levels of this fun 5-PART episode battle were off the roof! Kukui had amazing Pokémon that he kept a secret, but what I do want to focus in this spotlight is the showdown between Incineroar and Torracat. Just like with the Lycanroc duel, these two have similar stories with Torracat never being able to beat The Masked Royal/Kukui’s Incineroar. Ever since it was still a Litten, the desire to battle strong opponents still burns inside. As the two fiery cats clash in this epic battle, both sides have the same intensity when receiving and taking attacks.

As the battle worn out, both Kukui and Ash activated their Z-Rings together to use Inferno Overdrive against each other. After a gigantic explosion from the Z-move collision it was Torracat who was the last Pokémon standing finally beating its personal battle rival. After a victory screech, I was surprised as everyone seeing it fully evolve into Incineroar. Unfortunately, that evolution took a toll on the newly evolved Pokémon and is unable to continue further. Rest well big kitty, you beat who you wanted to beat and deserve a good rest.

As if that wasn’t epic enough, in the final phase of this full battle, Tapu Koko steps in and serves as Kukui’s last Pokémon and even granting both parties to be able to use Z-moves once again. Fast forward, Ash and Pikachu finally defeated their first opponent when they first set foot in the Alola region with the Z-Ring Tapo Koko gave them in the first place. It clearly now knows that Ash was a worthy holder of using Z-Power and a Champion that everyone can look up to. What a battle. What a series. Thank you Alola. Thank you Sun & Moon.

NOVEMBER - Pikachu Origins

Enter the next chapter. The new era of the Pokémon anime finally launched this in a very different way. The first episode basically serves as the prequel to the Pokémon anime series before Ash had set out on his quest to become a Pokémon Master. Long story short, we can Pikachu’s background story on how he came to be the loving mascot recognized everywhere on paper. I mean who would’ve thunk it? I just love the fact that we’re getting an origin story of how Ash’s Pikachu when it was still a wild Pichu. Although it wasn’t explained how Professor Oak ended up catching the little guy, Pikachu always had a good heart (you know despite rejecting Ash at first lol). The most adorable thing about this episode was the family bond Pichu temporarily shared with this little Kangaskhan family. The little guy was an outcast not really sure where to go or what to do except survive and find food. When that Kangaskhan picked him up as if it was one of its babies, and gained a new caring sibling in the process. It was a wholesome story of calling someone family even though there is no blood relation. Pichu was literally not their kind, but they still loved him as it was them!

Meanwhile, we get a little preview of our new characters from seeing their childhood and setting up the premise for them to cross paths with Ash in the future. The newest protagonist, Go, was a little know-it-all about Pokémon, and he sure bragged a lot of his knowledge on it during one of Professor Oak’s camp (in which Ash failed to wake up for). Along with his worrisome friend, Koharu, they spotted a Mew while going off course in Oak’s tour around their campsite. It would also be the saving grace of the lost baby Kangaskhan who accidentally fell off a cliff after attempting to play with the Mew. After seeing Mew’s psychic abilities, it was clear for Go that he needed to catch Mew one day. This is the initial goal that Go wanted to set out for when he’s old enough.

After the incident with his Kangaskhan sibling, Pichu had to re-think if he wants to continue being a part of a pack that he doesn’t even properly belong it in the first place. When the herd of Kangaskhan took shelter in cave during heavy rain, Pichu had to make a tough decision and leave his foster family behind while they were asleep because he knew that the mother Kangaskhan would not let go of someone who it sees as a child of her own. Pichu knew that was the only way, but despite his sad decision he was grateful for the happiness they provided for a lone wolf Pokémon that wandered in the wild looking belong somewhere. It was that same happiness that gave Pichu the strength to evolve to the Pikachu we all know today, and found a forever home with a certain tardy boy a couple of years later that they both formed an inseparable friendship.

DECEMBER - The Great Gigantamax in Galar

Of course, you can’t have a new series without showing off a new region?! As our “research fellows” Ash & Go continue their exploration in the Galar region learning more about the Dynamax phenomenon that causes Pokémon to grow bigger in size, they are about to be in for one gigantic dilemma. They had some trouble when they met a bunch of trickster Pokémon in those Nickit and a dirty Scorbunny trying to steal their food, but that wasn’t the last they saw of that Scorbunny. When they took the train to explore the Wild Area, Scorbunny secretly tagged along in hopes to be partners with Go after feeling a connection with the trainer during their first encounter. After MANY attempts of trying get Go’s attention, he finally notices Scorbunny after it kicks a rock to knock down fruit on top of a Snorlax they were observing (that hits Ash’s head first oof). Scorbunny attempts to get caught by Go, but he declined due to his vow for Mew to be his first catch. After the sad rejection, red lights then start to surround the Snorlax that ended up Dynamaxing it to Gigantamax Snorlax! This caused a big road blockage that affects a train line in that area. Ash, Pikachu, Go and Scorbunny decide to team up and move the Snorlax before the next train comes by to avoid a disaster from happening. Ash and Pikachu were able to cut down a big fruit from the Gigantamax Snorlax’s body and pass it on to Go and Scorbunny to make sure he jumps (just like earlier from Scorbunny’s accidental fruit pick) for that fruit in time for the train to pass by without anyone getting hurt. It was a tough task getting all the way up to the belly of beast, but thanks the Double Kick boost Scorbunny gave that big fruit, Snorlax not only moved in time for the next train to stop by, but return back to normal (big) size.

Unfortunately, Scorbunny was also swallowed in that big gulp, but it was a good thing that Snorlax didn’t munch it all the way. After the teamwork Go felt with Scorbunny during all that, he decides to modify his dream a bit and wants Scorbunny to now be his first Pokémon catch. Both are happy to be with one another, and we all know this was going to be the start of wonderful friendship. With this addition to the group, the main cast for the new anime series is now fully-set. Let the true adventures around the Pokémon world begin!

Some honorable mentions…

2019 for PokéAni marked an end of an era, but a start of a new one too! No doubt one of the most impactful years the show has had in the world since the XY&Z arc. Besides the historic Alola League, we also saw the continuation of Brock & Misty’s trip to Alola (not to mention Brock & Olivia’s adorkable interactions together), the class’ crash-course golf lessons with none other than Kahili! Ash catching a rare Meltan that appeared out of nowhere, The Sparkling Trio of Mallow, Lana & Lillie uniting as Alola DrinKyun (’Refreshing Trio: Alola Idols’ in the English dub), Ash challenging Ryuki’s Kantonian Gym, the high-speed Vikavolt race, Mallow’s vision in opening her Pokémon café, Matori’s unexpected visit to the Team Rocket base in Alola, and let’s not for get about the Ultra Guardians finishing up their final missions in capturing the remaining UBs: Pheromosa and Kartana. And honestly, after seeing all of Sun & Moon, can everyone just agree that Kukui is the BEST Pokémon professor?!

Of course, how can I not mention the final episode of Sun & Moon? In what was probably one of the most emotional farewell episodes in the anime’s history. If you don’t have bias from the original goodbye with Brock & Misty in Johto, this would probably be the best one. It was executed perfectly with Ash’s class figuring out what to do in the future with Ash himself not sure what to do moving forward. Naganadel had to return back to its homeworld, the Rockets had to say leave their Alola Pokémon with Bewear as she sends them off one final time, Nebby returns to see Ash one final time, and Lillie decides to search for her father away from Alola after brining Magearna to life. With everyone deciding what to do, Ash heads back home to explore the world (which transitions to the new series) leaving all his Alola Pokémon behind in Kukui’s lab, while Rotom Dex decides to work for the Aether Foundation. The boat scene with Lillie was a good touch on how her character evolved thanks to Ash’s help, and the departing airport scene with Kukui, Burnet, and Ash group hugging was touching. Even Ash teared up as he gets in the air leaving Alola as his friends and Pokémon he left behind wave goodbye. If that wasn’t a good send off for the Sun & Moon series, Mallow’s Shaymin finally achieved its Sky Forme (which have her mother’s eyes...could be a touching symbolism that she was always watching her ;_;) from a Gracidea flower before taking off, AND ON TOP OF THAT, the final shot of the series no less, we find out that Professor Burnet is pregnant. Never in the history of this anime has ever done that to a major character in the supporting cast. The Sun & Moon series continues to break ground as one of the best Pokémon series.

Other than that, we got the new series (which I still wish we had a proper sub-title for -_-) giving us a taste of what to expect in the new Generation VIII era. Our newly appointed research fellows, Ash & Go are at Professor Sakuragi’s Institute helping with his research along with Mimey and Koharu helping out with the household chores. Lugia brought these two together, and are now living under the same roof. And, can we talk about Mimey?! I’m so glad a classic character from this anime is being used as a permanent supporting character for this series. Not to mention that he battled alongside Ash in the Hoenn tournament and won! It’s also refreshing to see updated animation within Kanto where they’re home base is at, and I absolutely cannot wait for them to go back to other regions with this fresh new art style. With Go’s goal to catch every Pokémon there is for him to index, he’s bound to meet Mew again one day! He’s literally every Pokémon games’ protagonist and I’m glad we have a main character like him who actually focuses on catching them all. As for Ash, he’s still our Ash carving his own unique path on his continuing journey to become a Pokémon Master because it’s more than being the strongest trainer and more than just catching Pokémon. I’m going to take his word for it! I don’t know if you noticed, but Go kinda looks up to him a bit due to his experiences in battle. Just look how shy he was just wanting to be his friend. You just gotta love it when they make Ash this mentor-type friend especially now coming off a huge victory in the Alola League becoming a champion.

Overall, the Sun & Moon anime gave us a variety of different set of stories every week leading up to the anticipated Alola League. Everyone had a story to tell building up to the Alola League, and just look at the list of episodes we’ve had this year that went back and forth with characters that get a main focus other than Ash (or even Lillie). Most of these episodes I’m talking about are either development for a Pokémon in their team evolving, or a perfecting a Z-move with their respective Z-Crystals. This shows much the writers care about each main character gets enough screen-time before they’re ready to take on the League with Ash. If you are still thinking on whether or not to continue/finish watching the series if you haven’t yet, I would still recommend to please watch until the end! It’s a really fun ride to sit through it all in my humble opinion, unless you want to just bolt straight into the League episodes only caring about Ash’s story. You do you. As for the new series, it will definitely pick up the pace sooner or later with the initial episodes are setting up to lead into something bigger. If you aren’t hooked in yet, definitely be patient because I’m expecting a lot of good opportunities for them to pull off in this cross-region based format. Sure it isn’t based 100% on the latest games in the franchise Sword & Shield, but that’s what separates the anime and the games. The anime is doing its own thing with an original story, but I’m pretty sure they will mix-in some of the interesting storylines and feature important characters from Sword & Shield every time they revisit Galar because it’s the new region on the block. They should feature/market a lot of episodes from all the new content Galar has. So I would definitely still keep my eyes on the Pocket Monsters series 👀

And there you have it! This post as long as it already is, so I’ll stop here. If you’ve read everything I had to say (maybe a few typos here and there lol), then thank you for your time! Feel free share your own favorite PokéAni moment 2019 with a reblog or a reply if you choose to do so. Thanks so much for an amazing year, and it’s time for us to GO to 2020. More moments await for us, and maybe even some surprises we might see since Ash is returning to previous regions he already visited in the past. See everyone in 2020 for the first full year of the new ‘Pocket Monsters’ series. Let’s go (with Go heh) and have some fun! Yes, I think used the word ‘go’ here too many freakin’ times lol

Happy New Year to all my followers, and the rest of the Pokémon fandom!

If you haven’t seen these yet, and you are new to my blog, check out all the previous year-end PokéAni Rewinds I did in the past: 2016 | 2017 | 2018

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hyumjim · 4 years

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In a move that’s pretty unusual for a k-pop group, 7/8 members of the girl group ANS have announced their disbandment in a letter they posted themselves on their fansite, and the letter very frankly discusses their frustrations with their agency’s management of them– or lack thereof. With most groups, announcements like this would be vetted by tons of agency staff before they ever hit the internet. But it turns out that ANS were able to do this because they were running their fansite themselves, just like they were doing everything else ANS-related themselves, because apparently the company that was supposed to be managing them… was not actually managing them:

 “Our agency, ANS Entertainment had dismissed almost all of their staff once in March and once in April. They have dismissed the staff members who took care of us including our manager. Therefore, we were without any managers […] We did not even have a practice studio.  Because we were without a manager, we had to contact and plan our schedules ourselves. We also managed the fansites ourselves and acted like a staff was managing it[…]  This is something shameful but none of our members were able to receive any vocal lessons, and each of our members received only 10,000 KRW (~8 USD) per day for our meals. This wasn’t even given to us during the weekends.  In actuality, we did not receive any support or management. We had requested the agency for at least vocal lessons, but the agency rejected our request, stating they did not have the money for it. We understand the difficult situation due to the corona outbreak but the agency has neglected us too much. Furthermore, we could not just sit idly when we thought about the fans who have many expectations from us.  Therefore, we hired a legal representative and sent a statement to the agency requesting them to follow through with the contract we have made - hiring a manager for the group, having a company office space, providing dance and vocal lessons. We requested the agency to deliver the proper measures within 14 days or we will take legal actions for the breach in contract. However, the agency did not take the proper measurements of our request. Instead, they called one of our members’ mothers and threatened us saying, “The agency did nothing wrong. We will be taking the members with good temper and leave the rest to rot like garbage. We will create a blacklist so that they can’t do anything in this field. We will make them so depressed so they can’t do anything except stay at home.”  In response to this, we could not bear this any longer. That is why we have notified the agency of the termination of our contracts.  This is when the issue with Haena arose.  At the likely time when we had sent the statement to the agency, the agency began speaking about the issue with Haena[…]  In actuality, the relationship between us and Haena was not bad. In our opinions, we did not have any special problems with Haena.  Haena joined ANS in December of 2019. She was the youngest member of our group and was attending high school at the time. This year, our group was not able to promote as much because of the circumstances with the company. Therefore, we did not spend much time with her.  The only conflict we had with Haena was when we convinced her to go back to school when she decided not to go anymore after being tested for the coronavirus.  There was a person who tested positive for the virus at the internet cafe that Haena had gone to. So Haena received testing on May 29th. Fortunately, Haena tested negative and the quarantine authorities notified her to quarantine herself for an additional three days.  During that period we were taking care of Haena’s school notices when we received a phone call from Haena’s homeroom teacher. Haena’s teacher told us on June 8th that Haena had not returned to school even after the additional three days of quarantine and did not contact the school to tell them the reason for her absence.  The teacher revealed to us that Haena had missed many school days with the excuse of promoting with the group and the agency. She even told the school on the day of her graduation photos that she had a work schedule with the agency and did not show up to school. When we backtracked, we did not have any schedules on the day of graduation photography. That is when we called Haena out to a cafe and told her the conversation we had with her homeroom teacher. We asked her what was going on and she was not able to clearly answer. She said it was her personal issue. Our members went on to rebuke her that lying is not good and to discuss with us if she has any issues. We encouraged her to do better in the future and we did not curse at her or even raise our voices at her.  To be honest, these kinds of management should have been done by the agency but we had to manage Haena’s school attendance as well because the agency did not do it.  The next day, Haena contacted one of our members and told her that Haena had been suffering from mental issues. Haena stated that she wanted to talk with her parents before making any decisions. We told her that we all respect Haena on her decision and to tell us after speaking with the agency. However, Haena stopped replying to any of us thereafter. Then on June 12th, she contacted two members saying ‘I’m in a mentally difficult state so I couldn’t reply. I’m sorry. I will contact you after I get better.’ That was Haena’s last message with us. Haena did not even attend the fan meeting that took place on June 20th and we went through difficulty trying to change the choreography to fill in Haena’s absence.  Then, the company notified us after we sent them the statement that Haena had gone to the hospital because of us. They told us to go to the hospital to visit Haena but we were wary that the agency might plan something against us. So we were scared and was not able to even contact Haena. Fortunately, there was nothing too serious with Haena and we were told she was sent home. We were relieved to hear the news.  In fact, Haena was having a hard time because of the unclear future due to the agency’s circumstances. She also revealed that she was financially having difficulties because we were not receiving any monetary support from the company.  All our members have no ill-feeling towards Haena, nor did we have any before. We want to resolve any misunderstandings we have between Haena by openly speaking with her.  However, the issue with Haena occurred right around the time when the issue with the contract occurred. When we look back at the time when the agency spoke ill of us and threatened us, we are suspicious the agency has used Haena to obscure the issue with the contract[…]”

 I feel awful for all of the girls and I think what they have done here was brave and necessary. Poor Haena is only 18 and the oldest of them is only 23. It seems to me like they were all backed into a corner. Their agency put them in the impossible situation of managing their own group, in every aspect; marketing, event planning, not to mention choreo and vocal training, and even acting as surrogate guardians to their youngest member, all for EIGHT DOLLARS A DAY. (I especially think it is so goddamn unconscionable to make a group of young women responsible for their youngest member’s education as if they’re her parents; they were literally having parent teacher conferences and shit, which is insane.) In light of all that, it’s no surprise the youngest member had a mental breakdown, after having her own agency literally threaten to ruin her life! Even worse, after they did all of that, the company apparently then tried to take advantage of Haena’s inevitable breakdown and leverage it– thinking they’d be able to gain traction probably because of AOA/Mina’s situation– against the other girls to try and stop their story from getting out. 

More than just mismanagement of idols, this is a story of mistreatment and cruelty from an agency, and I hope they face the music soon, no pun intended. 

The girls signed this letter with their stage names probably because that’s how their fans know them, but those names were probably chosen for them by the company… Then again who knows– maybe the agency didn’t bother and just said you girls can come up with them yourselves, we don’t care. That seems in-character for them. 

Anyway, their last comeback was “Say My Name,” so we might as well address them by their real names since they won’t be ANS anymore. 

Hyunjoo, Sejin, Yeji, Sohyun, Seoyoung, Jiwon, Dayoung and Eunbi! I hope they are all able to recover well from being treated so poorly. Whether it’s as idols or not, I’ll keep following them and I hope they see much better days soon!  (…On the bright side, there’s no reason to take their management’s threats of blacklisting seriously on any level, since this is the same company that couldn’t scrape together a few dollars for vocal lessons. If the company had that kind of influence in the industry then they wouldn’t have been broke in the first place lol. They are so broke, they couldn’t blacklist their way out of a paper bag.)

#their so-called 'management' MUMBLING AND CACKLING MUMBLING AND CACKLING #BROKE PEOPLE SHOULD NEVER LAUGH #ANS #sorry i had to delete this and reupload because tumblrs link function is broken garbage <3 so it is just text now but u can click through.

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caffeinated-yearning · 4 years

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The Start of Something Awful

@werewolfpine said I should post my writing and I’m doing it because I will literally never post unless someone forces me to, here’s a snippet of the lore of How Doc Ock Comes To Be, featuring my/Ock’s actual mind thought mannerisms. Technically this has only my S/I Oliver and Doctor Octavius a little at the front end, because I do my best work when it’s one character who thinks too much.

Word Count: ~1.4k Warnings: Self-harm (minor), queasiness (minor), astonishingly sarcastic narrator voice

“Hoshino.”

Oliver looks up from the box; as much as people focused on biorobotics, he rather preferred the metal things he’d been working on. None of that confusion of the ‘bio’ aspect. Cold techne and cold metal, a perfect compliment to his frozen heart. Looked up at his teacher- professor, Otto Octavius, and said nothing.

“The test results..?”

Of course! How could he possibly forget the mind-crippling endeavor of writing up a lab report for the sake of his dear professor? It would never pass off as science if he didn’t suffer the hideous toil of turning his experiment into a report; let it be known that the gods themselves would forbid anyone to simply look at the raw data and draw their own conclusions- no, he has to bring their attention to that all himself.

Ability to self-replicate- [Y] Hive mind program- [Y] Formation of simple and complex shapes- [Y] Link to human minds- concept phase. Mobile complex shapes- concept only. Modify macro chemicals within human body- tested in organic slurry, dubious results. Anything else that could be interesting- hasn’t been conceptualized yet.

“Would you call it a success?”

“If it teaches something new, it is a success.”

“Then have you been taught anything?”

Oh, doctor, do not pretend! This is all just a reinvention of the wheel at this point. Smaller and still programmable they may be, but these are all things that have been done before. They were done decades ago, before everyone found biological machinery to hold more promise. What then is there to learn? Humans disagree with metal, that has been the lesson. Oliver answers in so dry a tone; “discussion section: page three. Sir.”

“So I read.” Oliver returns his attention to his robots, still attentive to the good doctor’s words; “you sound irritated- both in the paper and at present.”

It is proper to smile and shake his head, to set the doctor’s concerns to rest. He fails this task, and in the same dry tone; “I’m not. I have concerns that this research is dated at best.”

“Then you are-.”

Interrupting, and how uncharacteristic that was- “I don’t have the time to be emotional, in any event.” The professor seemed off-put by that. Indeed, it was rude of Oliver to interrupt; he makes note of that, and fails to realize that describing himself as necessarily emotionless might instead be the reason for the doctor’s discomfort. Even the good Doctor Octavius had room to be emotional when good or ill fortune struck.

There was a pause, a little too long, before the doctor spoke- he’d turned back only to give a half-question; “I trust that you can be left alone in the lab, Oliver?”

“Yes, Dr. Octavius.” Really, this was such a dumb question. Could Oliver be trusted? Of course not; every faculty member would agree, if they only knew the contents of his mind. Which made it a rather good thing, how very skilled in keeping his thoughts under lock and key he was. Not with his friends of course. With friends you were expected to share a certain amount of information, and in turn they shared meaningless data points that helped one curry good favor if one kept it all in mind. What a fun game that was, sifting through all that data and hoping you came across anything of interest.

Ah. And he was alone. The professor had left without him noticing.

“And if I am consumed by the plague I now set loose upon the earth, thus was my fate since the moment I was born; not God nor Man could stop me or my creations; Pandora, I call upon thee.” He was alone, could he not be dramatic? The box was opened, and the robots did... Absolutely nothing.

Oh good, they hadn’t developed sentience while he acted out his drama.

A scalpel he’d pilfered from his sibling on a recent trip home; it was perhaps not the cleanest, but it would serve to sever, given he’d sharpened it against bricks and stones when he’d had a moment to do so. The only issue now was to shut down his self-preservation instincts, which barely allowed a scratch to be made against himself. But not seeing the place he would cut made easier the act, and he cut into the skin that made up the hair line just behind and below his right ear.

The incision was easier than he’d expected, perhaps because it was so much closer to his dreams’ completion than anything else had been before. He pretends to be surprised by the blood, but to what end? No one is around.

He starts his computer up, watches the robots come to life, and opens up the file “Concept_Phase.chk”. Checkpoint reached, your game will now auto-save, he hums; for the first time he feels the striking chill of fear. He thinks perhaps it is the first time in his life, but knows instinctively this cannot be the case. Either way, one error at this point would be so much more devastating.

They were crawling into that bloodied cut now. He should have worn a different shirt, but at least the black on this one might spare the rest from carrying a stain. They were a horrible itching sensation in his skin- he forces his hand stationary, to meddle now is more threatening. It is most threatening; he does not understand the limits of the human body, but he does understand the delicacy of the brain.

And they are in his brain.

That is the most terrifying part of it all, and he suppresses the urge to vomit. Brains are such delicate things and he has put so many bits of metal into his. He suppresses the urge to stand and run from this horrible thing that he has done. He stays stock still, and feels fear in every muscle and every nerve ending of his body.

And they are in his brain.

He woke up, cold, and pushed himself off the floor. Linoleum or plastic tile- didn’t matter, it was cold. He almost felt annoyance- hadn’t he been doing something? It was awfully uncharacteristic of him to sleep in the lab. The computer lab, maybe, but this wasn’t that.

Oh fuck the robots and the cut- he grasps at his neck, drawing his hand away with the full expectation to pull away half-scabbed gunk, or blood still running. Nothing. He sighed. Maybe it was another dream- maybe he was still dreaming. Dreaming of being something worthy of pride and love, instead of the falsehood he’d built himself into. Of being a worthwhile investment on the part of his parents and friends. Of being something better than this, whatever this was.

Log onto his computer- and how very strange! He’d never run the checkpoint file before, if it was a dream, so why was there a .log version now? It was suddenly beginning to feel very much not like a dream. Uneasiness, like so many maggots in his stomach, seemed to eat at him. He reached up and closed the box that had once been the house of his pride, and scanned over the .log file.

Program terminated successfully.

Oh thank the gods and devils both. It was successful.

But they were in his brain, now. Theoretically, he should be able to interact with them, if all had gone according to plan. He tried not to think about how unsanitary last night’s actions were, or rather to think about that instead of the presence of so much non-biological material now swarming around in his skull. He could feel the crawling- the sensation of parasites under his skin, but how much of that was simply psychological? He couldn’t say.

“Not nearly enough time to run any sort of experiment on them,” he sighed; class would begin soon. Sure, he was already in the building, but still. “How disappointing. How many are left in there?” He finally bothered to stand up and check the box; maybe if he… tried to input commands to those ones? There were still plenty in there; doesn’t take that much metal to make a computer chip inside one’s head then.

They stirred, sluggish and confused. They had never moved of their own accord before... Responsive? Again, move again- and they did. They swayed with little ripples, ocean waves almost.

Link to human minds- [Y].

#[[ Human they Say | Oliver Hoshino ]]#byteverse #caffeinated writing #if people want more then they gotta tell me because I will assume 'no' unless told 'yes'#I don't know why it's not tagging byte but

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razberryyum · 5 years

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The Untamed/陈情令 Rewatch, Episode 2 (spoilers for everything)

(covers MDZS chaps 6 - 10 and a bit of 13)

WangXian meter: 🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰

(a 🐰 is earned every time there is a WangXian scene or even when they’re just thinking of each other)

I always tell people when I’m trying to get them to watch The Untamed that when they get to this particular scene in the second episode, they’ll know if they will be into the show. To me, this is the game-changer moment: you’re either in or out after this. If this scene doesn’t emotionally move you enough to at least continue on with the drama, nothing else will. It is seriously one of the most romantic scenes I have ever seen captured on screen. This was the moment that made me realize not only was I now fully committed to CQL, but that I had also found a new obsession and was ready to devote myself to Mo Dao Zu Shi. After all, something that can lead to the creation of such a beautiful scene MUST hold other invaluable treasures. So into the MDZS rabbit hole I went, happily diving head first.

Even now I’m still amazed that this scene exists in the intact form that it does. I started The Untamed with little to no expectations, especially knowing the restrictions it was under AND having just finished Guardian and experiencing how poor creative decisions can arise due to censorship (or at least, using that as an excuse for their dumb story choices). As I mentioned previously, the first episode was a hard sell since they definitely did not put their best foot forward first, but I liked Xiao Zhan immediately and Wei Wuxian as a character was interesting enough that I wanted to learn more about his past that led to his death and rebirth. The small glimpses we saw of his relationship with Lan Zhan also fascinated me, but then with this second episode, the weak points of the pilot still remained: there was still bad CGI (the statue) and very amateurish technical mistakes (in the recognition scene, at one point, in a close-up shot they’re holding onto each other, but in the next far away backside shot they’re clearly standing apart from each other, only to return to holding each other once again once the camera cuts back to a close-up...whoever the editor is on CQL probably should dunk their head in the toilet every time these editing errors pop up) that made my initial viewing of this episode a frustrating one for most of its runtime. I think I spent most of my initial viewing just distracted, playing on my phone or something, until the big WangXian moment happened and then I was shocked and awed. I know I wasn’t paying close attention that first time because when I rewatched the episode later on, I realized I missed a lot of dialogue and details. I have since revisited this second episode numerous times more, and I do feel bad about how dismissive I was initially. It’s a pretty loaded episode: it has funny, poignant, creepy, mysterious, and cool moments while still feeding us bits of the overarching plot. I definitely have developed an affection for it since my first viewing and it’s become one of my favorite episodes in the series.

Of Pining & other Heart-achy Things

This simple line from Jiang Cheng is enough to make my eyes well up with tears: I can’t help but imagine Lan Zhan traveling around the world for sixteen years, most likely all alone, stopping at different places to play Inquiry, fervently hoping that maybe one day he’ll finally receive an answering chord from Wei Ying, only to be confronted by a deafening silence again and again and again. How utterly sad and disappointed he must have been every time, and yet still, he never gave up and just went to the next location to do the same thing and experience the same heavy disappointment all over again. If that doesn’t make your heart ache, I’m sorry to tell you, your heart is no longer functional.

It’s a detail I don’t remember if the novel covered, but I’m assuming that Lan Zhan was the one to bring Wei Ying’s inventions like the spirit attraction flag and the compass back to Gusu and incorporate them for use in his sect’s normal cultivation practices. I know other people have use his tools as well since that nameless cultivator at the start of the episode was also using the spirit compass, but I feel that with Lan Wangji, he probably purposefully acquired and adapted WWX’s techniques so that every time they’re used, they can serve as a reminder of Wei Ying for him. Though it does make me wonder how Lan Zhan managed to get those approved by his uncle; I can’t imagine Lan Qiren being ok with using anything that was created by the man whom he blames for the corruption of his beloved nephew and model student. Did LWJ just pretend he created them instead? That doesn’t even sound right. Maybe Uncle Lan decided to be merciful and just let Lan Zhan win this one since he was probably obviously miserable after Wei Ying’s death. Yeah, I can buy that scenario, especially since the flag and compass are pretty useful tools.

I wondered did LWJ already suspect “Mo Xuanyu” was Wei Ying before he started playing Wuji on his flute. It’s curious that he happened to be in that part of the forest at that time. I’m guessing his Wei Ying senses were tingled when he heard about Mo Xuanyu’s skills from Sizhui and the boys so that’s why he was hanging around the vicinity just in case MXY reveals his true identity. After waiting 16 years for this reunion, it’s no wonder Lan Zhan had no qualms about holding onto WWX’s wrist in public for much longer than socially appropriate.

I actually get a little emotional every time I rewatch this episode and watch Jin Ling display his mad archery skills because I would always think of how much he takes after his dad. His parents would’ve been so proud to see him all grown up like this; Shijie would’ve been so happy she probably would get teary-eyed as well every time she saw her boy in action. Sure, he’s a spoiled little princess, but he is also a pretty skilled princess with a heart of gold and I just wish they had more time together as a family.

They looked so happy, look at all those smiles. It really makes me so sad that Wei Ying will probably never be able to hug JC like that again, and of course he’ll never be able to hug Shijie period. Great now I want to cry again.

Lan Jingyi Appreciation Section

I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this precious boy by name so far, so I wanted to take this opportunity to show him some much deserved love. Lan Jingyi with his resting bitch face and steady stream of snark was really the MVP of this episode. He actually made me laugh out loud a few times...in fact, he almost always makes me laugh as soon as he scrunches up his face like he’s smelling something bad. I recently saw someone mention that he’s really the most un-Lan of the Lans (sorry, I forgot who posted that so I apologies for not giving proper credit) and that is really the perfect description of him. I love this kid as much as I love Sizhui and Jin Ling, and I am also sincerely fascinated by him. I mean, who raised him in the Gusu Lan sect? Cuz I cannot imagine Lan Qiren being the one since Jingyi undoubtedly would’ve had all his snark driven out of him at an early age. Hell, the amount of disciplinary action he probably had to have gone through would’ve probably killed him at a young age. Did he join the sect when he was already fully formed so that’s why he’s still breaking Lan sect rules right and left? He threatened an old man and is like rude to everyone. I don’t know all 3000 rules but I’m pretty sure being mean to the elderly and insulting to supposedly mentally unstable people are probably not allowed. If anything, his disposition would make him more suitable for the Lanling Jin sect and yet he’s with the stuffy Lans. WHY? I could watch a whole spin-off series with just him and the other juniors as long as we get to learn about how he came to be with the Gusu Lan sect. He’s hilarious and adorable, and among the many the reasons why I wish we had more episodes for the present-day arc, one of them is because I wanted to spend more time with the juniors, especially Lan Jingyi, even if it meant the screenwriters would’ve had to go off book and create new scenes for them. It would’ve been well worth it to hear LJY throw more shade at people.

Random Bits of Randomness

It’s kinda crazy how WWX just stood there with his back turned, oblivious to Jin Ling’s attack. If Lan Zhan’s blade hadn’t blocked JL’s sword, that would’ve been the end of our main protagonist. I just thought that was such an odd scene...I would’ve felt just a little better if Wei Ying had at least had a little more awareness that an attack was heading for him and made some attempt to get out of the way.

Ugh, that mask. First of all it’s ugly AF, and secondly it’s so freaking ill-fitting it was distracting. Would’ve been nice if the production team gave him a mask that actually fit his face. I mean, did it HAVE to be THAT damn big? I’m amazed they don’t have bts clips of Xiao Zhan tripping and hurting himself because the stupid mask blocked his vision.

Other than being a brilliant mastermind and Oscar-worthy actor, Nie Huaisang has got to be one of the greatest cultivators if not THE greatest cultivator of all time to be able to conjure up an illusion like that. That thing was doing real damage to people. If it was just a phantom, what the heck was holding up those two cultivators in midair like that? And what kicked Jin Ling around? I know Wei Ying was able to drive people crazy with his flute during his Yiling Patriarch phase, but his handiwork still felt more grounded and reasonable than this.

Questions I still have (please feel free to answer them):

- Who was that old man at the grave? Someone NHS paid to just hang around the graves until the juniors and WWX came by?

- So NHS basically fucked up Yan’s entire family and God knows how many other people just to get WWX to eventually play his flute to lure Wen Ning out from wherever he was hiding?

- How did JGY not know Wen Ning escaped? Or did he just leave those details to Xue Yang so he didn’t really care about what happened to Wen Ning? I’m trying if this was addressed in the book but my mind is coming up empty. I don’t think it was brought up in the show though, or I just completely missed it.

Overall Episode Rating: 9 Lil Apples out of 10

#The Untamed #陈情令 #spoilers #Untamed Rewatch #WangXian #Mo Dao Zu Shi #CQL #MDZS #魔道祖师 #Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation #Lan Zhan Lan Wangji #Wei Ying Wei Wuxian #Lan Jingyi #Jin Ling #Nie Huaisang #Jiang Yanli #Jin Zixuan #Jin Guangyao

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