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#maybe kinda just products of their time but
i’ve been soo horrifically busy and drained recently but i’m gonna try to take it at my own pace and queue up a bunch of stuff :’3 if you’ve tagged me in art or sent me an ask or commented on one of my fics just know it’s coming….!!! :’’3
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HI RAVEN!!!! 🤔 kinda a random thought not really but would you consider ace and sebek to be like? RIVALS? or to have a strong dislike towards eachother compared to other first years/students? 🤔🤔 haven’t read much sebek stuff or book 7 so maybe it’s just the way I interpret things……..
🤔🤔 for me at least I feel like ace brings up sebek especially a handful of times? and to bash on him too or at least poke fun at him. can’t think of a lot off the top of my head but in ace’s birthday jacket vignette he picks at sebek specifically when going thru dorm choices. WHICH LIKE……. I DUNNO ITS GIVING VERY “I BEEF W HIM” VIBES. I figured it could just be because he’s a fellow first year but ?? jack or epel don’t get mentioned when he was talking about their dorms so i’m not sure 🤔
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👁️👁️ but I wanna hear your take on it!!! are ace and sebek ACTUALLY beefing or was it all just a headcanon??? 😭😭 hopefully I didn’t yap too much. btw
Sorry for the lack of screenshots; I don’t own all the relevant cards in EN and didn’t want to include screenshots sporadically 💦
But!! I did my best to cite where I’m pulling my information from (main story, vignettes, etc.) and directly quote from the official localization. Hope that’s okay!
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I mean… Sebek is pretty much always pissing off his peers because of the condescending way he talks to them. It’s no wonder why he rubs people the wrong way. As for Ace, he has indicated that he finds Sebek to be a pain in the ass. I don’t know if I would personally call it “beefing” though?? I see it more as Ace just wants Sebek to shut up and chill out (though Sebek would definitely shout at Ace and fight him) 😂
Point is, I don’t see Sebek having a particular disdain for Ace (he is abrasive toward everyone), but I do see Ace having a particular dislike for Sebek. They aren’t “rivals” in the same way that Ace and Deuce are, as Ace and Sebek don’t really compete for anything or get into many instances of bickering—at least not from what we see. That might just be a product of Sebek being formally introduced later than the other first years, but even counting vignettes and event interactions, it’s still pretty one-sided; often we see Ace commenting on Sebek but not the other way around.
According to Ace in 7-11, he knows Sebek because they’re in the same Magic Analysis/Enigmics (EN writes this class as both of these so it can get confusing) elective. He also implies (in 7-34) sharing other electives with Sebek. This means Ace has regular direct experience with Sebek compared to the other first years (except maybe Deuce?)… ie more opporunities to be annoyed by Sebek’s arrogant loner attitude.
Ace reports (again, in 7-34) that “[Sebek] insults people like, all the time. He even says stuff right to my face when we're in the same group, like, 'Don't you dare slow me down, human!' And he always finds some way to make every subject about Malleus, then drones on and on about how great he is." In regards to those intense feelings about Malleus, Ace says "[Sebek] takes it to a whole other level [...] I can see why people would idolize [Malleus]. But, like, you don't have to make it your entire personality, y'know?" Ace repeats these ideas in his Birthday Boy vignettes. “[Sebek]’s always yelling something or other about his precious Malleus. Oh yeah, and he talks down to us for being human. Dude's a total fae fanboy.”
In Sebek's School Uniform vignette, Sebek yells at Ace for running in the halls. Ace responds by calling him an "uptight nag" whose yelling will disturb other students. Ace also points out how pathetic Sebek comes across as after witnessing him trip over himself to apologize to Malleus. “Dude, nothing you say's gonna impress anyone after that sorry sight.” When Ace tries to leave the scene to make it to class, Sebek shouts at him. “You wait just a minute! I'm not finished! COME BACK HERE!” It should be noted that Ace is someone who always tries to find shortcuts or ways to get out of work whereas Sebek is strict and diligent. Their mindsets and values naturally clash.
This, I think, is a very good summary of most people's problems with Sebek. Ace is just saying what's on everyone's mind--and this makes sense for Ace's character, as he has consistently been the type of guy to call others out. He also encourages Yuu to do the same (in his Birthday Boy vignettes). This detail at least implies Ace finds it amusing on occasion to tease Sebek for his shortcomings.
We see Sebek’s behavior in class for ourselves in his Dorm Uniform vignettes. Ace actually appears in them too, remarking that Sebek is a “loudmouth”. This is something he echoes in his Birthday Boy vignettes; “Loudmouth doesn't even begin to describe him.” When Sebek starts arguing with his group members (some mobs) and refusing to work with them while simultaneously extolling Malleus, Ace says “Here we go again with Sebek and his ‘liege’… Man, imagine being grouped with that guy who […] All he had to do was play nice and let [the mob students] help. He CHOSE to make things harder. How does that guy even function in society?” Side note: In Ace’s Suitor Suit vignettes, he calls Sebek the “number-one worst contender” for a groom. Ace clearly thinks Sebek is unfriendly and annoying in areas extending beyond academics or school life. This is, of course, in addition to Ace finding his loud voice grating.
Later in the same vignettes, Ace and Deuce are forced to sit close to Sebek in the crowded cafeteria. Sebek insists to Lilia that his classes are going well, to which Ace starts snickering and reveals the truth: “Dude... No problems whatsoever? You've got nothing BUT problems, bro! Haha!” Deuce pitches in: “He got into a loud argument with some classmates during our defensive magic lesson. He called his groupmates ‘burdens’ and insisted on doing their entire project by himself.” Ace then says Sebek must think highly of himself and gets annoyed when his words are taken literally. “Do you not understand sarcasm either?” He tells Sebek to fix his attitude, but it doesn’t seem to work. Ace sighs and says he’s just wasting his breath on this.
Sebek’s Dorm Uniform vignettes illustrate Sebek’s general struggles to get along with all of his classmates, not just Ace or Ace specifically. Deuce notably also calls Sebek out for causing trouble for his peers, even stating “[…] as an aspiring honor student, I can't condone your behavior. Having confidence is fine and all, but you shouldn't make things harder for others. That's just being obnoxious.” Sebek pisses off the other first years in 7-34 too, calling them “shallow” and making a terrible first impression. Ace, who is also present, says that no one wants to be chummy with him anyway—not if he’s going to act like that.
In conclusion, Ace has explained his rationale for disliking Sebek many times over. Rather than saying Ace has a problem with Sebek, I think it would be more accurate to say that Ace has a problem with Sebek and is simply relaying the opinions that everyone else holds directly to Sebek’s face. (He gets annoyed that Sebek takes none of it to heart though.) As for the other party, Sebek chides Ace no differently than he would anyone else stepping out of line, not appreciating Malleus, or… just existing as a human 💀 He doesn’t seem to have issues with Ace other than his lax attitude (which could also apply to many other characters such as Leona).
In my opinion, Ace and Sebek are not rivals (at least not major ones), nor do they have specific beef with each other outside of one-off instances or whenever Ace is in the mood to lay down The Truth and embarrass Sebek. I see Ace and Deuce as your classic rivals and Sebek as like… a villain of the week who cameos here and there after his first appearance to cause shenanigans.
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destinyc1020 · 20 hours
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I do think that Tom may have broken up with Nadia because she could not stand Tom wanting to rekindle a friendship with Z. We have to remember that it seems that Tom and Z were not on speaking terms when Nadia and him were dating and it seems that Z getting the Emmy nom at the end of July (the day after Tom posted Nadia for the first time) was what reconnected them. And we know that Nadia was already doing the unfollows of accounts that posted Z (including the production company of her own miniseries) by early July. I can see Tom not wanting a relationship with someone that couldn't accept his friendship with Z, particularly because Z and him were going to film a huge blockbuster movie in which they were love interests. I don't think that Tom and Z went from not talking to wanting to date in 2 weeks, particularly when they were thousands of miles apart and he was dating someone else at the time. And Tom would not have posted Nadia the second time if he was trying to date Z again in that moment. A response to jealousy seems more likely
Yea, you could be right, it could have been that he was starting a friendship again with Z and Nadia was jealous.
I def think him posting Nadia a second time was just to appease her tbh. 👀 I think Z liking that post was also to kind of help her try to see that she was "okay" with Tom moving on w/someone else.
But we as women definitely have a sixth sense about these things lol. Nadia was VERY right to be jealous, cuz we as women can sense when a man is still in love w/his ex lol. 😅 Nadia probably had some cause to be jealous??
Tom and Z obviously still had feelings for each other, and I think maybe Nadia sensed that. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Like I said, we as women can kinda sense these things.
Look, if Tom is dumping Nadia because she was "uncomfortable" with his "friendship" with his ex, then ummm....girl....that tells you all you need to know about how that man feels about YOU in relation to his EX. 😏
Let's be honest....as soon as Tom and Nadia split up, he and Z got back together. Liiiiiiike....that right there should tell you everything you need to know lol. Nadia wasn't just mad about their "friendship"....she was really deep down mad that they still had feelings for each other, and she probably got the impression that if it ever came down to her or Zendaya, Tom was gonna choose ZENDAYA each and every time. 👀
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barksenji · 1 day
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Kidkiller modern/real life (?) AU: College or something, idk.
Holy, this is my first time writing on Tumblr lol. This was originally in Spanish but I decided to translate it because it's cute. Anything that doesn't make sense is there for narrative purposes. Also, this is how college works in my country (Venezuela), I have absolutely no idea how it works in the US much less other countries. Lol. Anyways. Enjoy.
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Sitting in the bleachers of the gym, the two guys watched as the ball skidded across the feet of the students playing football. The game, meant to be a simple friendly match, had devolved into what resembled a WWE brawl, complete with the loud thuds of bodies hitting the ground.
"I'm way better at sports than these losers," the redhead boasted, his thick Scottish accent sharp with arrogance.
"I know, Kid," replied the blonde, equally as Scottish, if not more.
"I'd have my team winning every damn game."
"I know, Kid."
"I'm gonna be the best football player in the world."
"...You're studying robotics engineering."
"That's beside the point, Killer."
"I know, Kid."
Both men had classes later in the day and lived quite far from the university, often finding themselves with long stretches of idle time between lectures. Their days sometimes began with a class at 7 AM, followed by hours of nothing until their next class at 4 PM. Rather than wander aimlessly around campus or venture out for errands, they found amusement in watching the medical students attempt to play sports, often failing miserably. Or more specifically, they enjoyed watching Law making a fool of himself.
The funniest part? It was an elective. He chose it himself.
"Hey! Trafalgar! Keep eating dirt like that, maybe it'll improve your grades!” Kid mocked.
“FUCK YOU!” Law shouted back, red-faced and indignant.
Kid threw his head back in laughter, oblivious to the enchanted eyes fixed on him. Killer watched Kid’s antics, a soft smile playing at his lips. He couldn't have asked for a better companion. Having Kid by his side made him feel incredibly fortunate.
“What are you staring at, bozo?” Kid asked, breaking Killer’s reverie.
“Nothin',” Killer replied, his voice betraying a hint of nervousness despite his attempt to sound nonchalant.
“Wish I could see behind that motorcycle helmet to know just how much you're judging me.”
“I'm not judging you! I'm just... contemplating.”
For a moment, silence hung between them.
“Uh-huh.” Kid arched an eyebrow, then laughed again.
Killer blushed beneath his helmet, trying to hide his embarrassment. They were bros, and such feelings were out of place.
“So, what's your next class?”
“Confectionery and ice cream,” Killer answered.
“Confectionery and ice cream?! Is that a real class?”
“Well, I am studying gastronomy.”
“Do you have a super hard exam on how to make a sandwich? Like 'Oh no! I failed my toast exam! I'm toasted!' Haha, get it? Toasted... because of toast."
"You're so hilarious, Kid,” Killer said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “But they actually teach you how to design amazing products using sugar, icing, chocolate, and other ingredients. You know, the kind of things I cook for you that you love? Like that Dundee cake you ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?"
"Ok, you should've led with that. Never stop making those, they’re delicious,” Kid said, practically drooling at the memory. “Nothing beats the pasta though."
"I agree, nothing beats the pasta..."
They both fell silent, lost in thoughts of food, debating whether their lunch money should be spent on actual lunch or saved for a taxi. No, they did not have a car. No, they didn't have money for one.
"So... what's your next class?" Killer asked, snapping them both out of their pasta-induced coma.
"Physical fundamentals of mechanics.”
"...Confectionery and ice cream does sound kinda funny next to that,” Killer admitted. “What do you even learn there?”
"Well, we study kinematics, point dynamics, work, power, mechanical energy, that kind of stuff." He was still baffled by the fact that Kid could comprehend all that.
"Yeah, I'm sticking to the ice cream," Killer laughed, but as soon as he noticed, he quickly covered his mouth over his helmet. "Ahem. Sorry about that. Uh—when did you say that class was?"
Kid frowned, noticing Killer's reaction to his own laugh. Killer had something called "PBA," or something along those lines; he didn't know—he wasn't that smart. What he did know was that it caused uncontrollable bursts of laughter in inappropriate situations. It had started after a brain injury from a mishap they got into together. Killer was self-conscious about it; he was already insecure before, but after the accident, he grew absolutely sick of it, even when it was genuine. Kid felt guilty; if he hadn't dragged him into that, he would feel okay. First, he lost his arm to stunt riding, giving Killer the biggest scare of his life, and now this—
"Uh...Kid?"
"Oh yeah, yeah," Kid snapped back to reality. "It’s at 3 PM."
"Kid."
"Yeah?"
"It's 2:56."
"Fuck, you're right!” Kid said, scrambling to gather his things. “Sorry, dude, don't want to leave you here all alone but—y'know."
"Yeah, no worries. I have to get to class soon anyway," Killer reassured him. "Plus, you'll need to study hard if you want to make that giant metal arm you showed me."
Kid paused, surprised that Killer remembered. A blush crept up his cheeks, followed by a wide grin. "Hell yeah, Kil! I will! I'll make you some sick cooking utensils too. Like—knives that spin like chainsaws."
"Why would I need knives that spin like chainsaws?"
"Because they'd look cool. And they'd be faster. Plus, there's the risk of adding a finger to the menu, which is metal."
Killer let out a soft giggle and a sigh. "God, I love you, Kid,” he muttered under his breath.
“HUH?!” Kid turned as he walked away, cocking his head.
“I said you'll miss your class, Kid!" Killer corrected himself, blushing furiously.
Kid raised an eyebrow. "...Love you too, bro, I guess," he responded with a smirk, then dashed off.
Fuck.
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midnightclover · 5 months
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Summon Night: Swordcraft Story (ATLUS, 2003)
#my actual posts lol#haha what if i made a daily diary post thing like nico#..i was just thinking#today was a good day#and i thought of this song#ive been playing summon night swordcraft story a lot as of late.. though none today actually#its still on my mind though#i considered using dweller empty path's song flying through a stary sky instead.. but this is what i thought of first#i think it fits best to use it#i actually had to jump through some hoops to upload music!#cus my tumblr app is kinda old.. i cant properly upload music. i could only put a link#which isnt exactly ideal#so i tried in my web browser.. but maybe its cus i havent updated it in a while or maybe just cus its tor.. it didnt work#so i downloaded firefox and did it on there lol#now im editing it in my drafts back on the app#dont ask why im not just doing it on my computer... shes having some technical difficulties. we're working on it#but not today#...#today was pretty eventful.. even if not very productive. but ive never been a very productive person#we went and saw some light festival thing! it was rly nice.. a little simple at times but it was fun#we went and got some yummy snacks earlier too! tho ive already eaten them all hehe#and i started up animal crossing new leaf. i hadnt played it in ages! its startling how much better it is than new horizions.. imo at least#only problem is i couldnt make it the same as my island.. and i didnt remember why i named my last town#we searched for a while for some reference or somfin to name it after.. but we ended up just going with ''faraway''#cus i liked the idea of being asked where im going.. and just saying far far away#and as beth said it has a kinda fairytail vibe!#...only after i named it did i realize i accidentally named it after the town in omori. oops!#...im about to hit the tag limit. so whoevers still listening i just want u to know..#i love you. ok?#goodnight
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tvrningout · 2 months
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hey hey hey!! it's been a while since i updated my pinned post, so i'm making a lil mains and exclusives call!
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liking this post tells me that you would like to be mains, prioritizing interactions with each other and implying a level of comfortability between us -- basically, neither of us need to be nervous about sending memes, asking to ship, and other such things! not that any of my mutuals need to worry about any of this, but mains especially so. if you currently listed as a main/affiliate on my pinned, you don't need to like this post! you're stuck with me already <3
you do not have to speak to me regularly to be a main! i'm pretty sporadically here atm anyway. i only ask that we've written together before and kinda have an idea of our muses' dynamic ( doesn't need to be fully developed!! ), or we can take a moment to discuss potential dynamics if we've never written anything that stuck and go from there!
if you would like to be exclusives, pls comment for which characters! i'll play these by ear a little, but i'll pretty much write with one or two versions of a canon character per muse. there may be some cases in which i'm so attached to someone's portrayal that i may write with only their portrayal no matter the muse on my end, but i'll tell y'all if that happens.
to be clear, i'll exclusively write with partner a's t.engen against my k.aigaku, so i won't write with any other t.engen against k.aigaku. however, i'll write partner b's t.engen against hyouka.
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funkytoesart · 7 months
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.
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batfossil-fr · 10 months
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man I love writing lore I wish I had the energy to do more than one lore every 6 months
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being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.
#this is a silly haha humor post but in all seriousness.#COVID rly is just making me stare all the internalized ableism in the eye#yes worth isnt defined by productivity and disability and the idea of being a burden is part of being human and isn’t shameful at all#until I have to minorly inconvenience people to meet my basic needs#I really want to eat dinner but that would require asking my roommates to make me dinner which is just. 5 kinda of mortifying.#even though if someone I knew was sick I would not be upset about making them food! sick people need to eat!#my parents ordered me chipotle yesterday bc they were so concerned bc of how I sounded over the phone#and my friend went out and bought me juice and Gatorade and popsicles and took me to the doctor#the support system Exists I just feel bad about having to use it T-T#I just want to be hugged and read to and reminded to eat food but I am an adult now and not at home#lonely TT-TT#it’ll be okay I’m probably just emotional bc I’m sick and hungry#I also just am struggling so hard because I want to catch up on my classwork Right Now#but I can get through maybe one assignment before I’m too exhausted to keep sitting up#and I have to lay down and close my eyes and sleep or do a light activity like playing candy crush for the fifty bazillionth time#I’ve gotten through like. 100 levels this week.#I’m losing my dang marbles. I am gonna be so behind in ASL Susan is gonna be so disappointed in me#I feel like I have all this energy when I’m laying down bored but as soon as I sit up I feel like I’m floating and about to fall over#so. so tired. why can’t I be healthy already and do homework T-T.#I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind.#<- is trying and failing not to be mad at herself for getting behind
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bmpmp3 · 2 months
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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jellogram · 2 months
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you fucking cowards
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cakemoney · 3 months
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i don't want to put my uninformed foot in my mouth or get involved with the Discourse but i've been seeing the two extremes of reactions to the korean low birth rates issue (on tumblr and twitter both) and i'm just kind of like. look. i feel like "low birth rates (in many countries but especially japan and korea as part of this conversation) are more broadly the result of capitalism/a culture of overwhelming overwork that makes social relationships and having families incredibly inaccessible to young people" and "low birth rates are very much a part of the current conversation about misogyny and social expectations for women in korea especially in the context of reproduction as 'unpaid labor' for women" are statements that can both be true
#laughs awkwardly#gender#especially considering the ways patriarchal expectations and capitalism very much intersect in terms of quality of life for women#ex. women being expected to have kids / raise kids / do all the housework and cooking in a relationship#while ALSO existing in a society where women (even married women) have to work demanding jobs to deal with the high cost of living#AND women are systemically discriminated against in terms of pay / job availability / work environment and harassment#all of these things add up. these conversations are not opposing points of view. you know?#and also like. not super comfortable with how TERFs are discussed in terms of non-white cultures#TERFism / radfems as a MOVEMENT (and a cult) is very much rooted in white supremacy / ideals of womanhood#again. multiple things can be true at the same time. yes i do see (from my perspective involved in taiwanese social media)#some east asian feminists engage in transphobia in ways that approach radfem rhetoric ('women are victims of men' 'men are predators'#type generalized sentiments which you can imagine gains a lot of traction among women traumatized by patriarchy)#but movement-wise i don't think it's fair (or just in good faith) to generalize radical feminists from non-white countries#to straight up TERFs. which again. rooted in white supremacy. keep feeling like i have to remind people it doesn't make sense#for asians to be white supremacists and that not all oppression on earth stems directly from white people. you weirdos#'what are you talking about' in east asia the type of feminist statements called 'radical' are stuff like.#women shouldn't have to wear make up every time they go outside. women shouldn't be expected to do all housework.#should men pay for women on dates. debates that i think in the states we kind of take for granted as stuff settled years ago#even if some feminists might be transphobic it's not necessarily Transphobia As Core Tenets Of The Movement. does anyone get the difference#basically what i'm saying is. wow these tags got long. maybe let's not apply uniform standards of 'correct language and values'#to non-white people and attack them when as all movements they are fluid and influenced by the people living in it#TERF-style transphobia is not the predestined course for them. maybe it's more productive to have open discussions about transphobia#to work towards inclusivity and solidarity in these movements than to prescribe White Internet Morality to them#and declare that they're evil when they are still very much having conversations that need to be had. thanks i think that's all#essentially. i find that 'how dare a non-american movement not have morally pristine vocabulary priorities and membership#as determined by white leftists' to be in itself kinda a racist attitude
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tenpixelsusie · 4 months
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idk if the themes of like deers n stuff in hannibal are connected to You Know What but if it is that's. bad. either way i dont think hannibal would be a deer if he had a fursona it'd be a wolf or coyote or something. it'd be a pack animal bc where ever will goes he's going yknow (ifeel really dizzy
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brightokyolights · 5 months
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sigh 😔
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hellhoundlair · 1 year
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watched bloodlines then immediately watched family remains afterwards i feel like sams characterisation was absolute whiplash between those two eps
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aeolids-zenith · 1 year
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i hate posts that are supposed to be positivity for people who lack friends or that say that social connections are like unexpectedly inevitable/straightforward to make or something, but then like. don't elaborate on how that is possible. it always just makes me feel more hopeless
#space chirrup#idk. i suppose even if there was actually anything theoretically actionable in those posts i still might not feel like it'd work for me#i mean i've tried googling for actual advice but for some reason ''how to make friends as a chronically online socially stunted#possibly autistic barely-transitioned transgender young adult introvert with esoteric interests'' doesn't turn up anything useful#(idk if ''possibly autistic'' is accurate all the self-assessments i've done plus the psychologist i went to said i probably wasn't)#i suspect that i might be unnecessarily limiting myself with all of that#but i have absolutely no idea what is a reasonable amount to step outside of my comfort zone/interests#i don't even have anything that i want out of basic social interactions the thing that compels me is intimacy.#but i don't want that with someone i don't know already.#but how do i get to know people when there's nothing i want to do with them and i have trouble feeling like i want things in general#does that mean i'm depressed. i've had conflicting feedback on whether i am. what is the productive course of action if i am#bc i keep thinking that like medication wouldn't be worth it if i didn't have a plan to actually improve my life but that if i had a#plan i could just do it without medication#but idk maybe medication would allow me to identify an actually viable plan. ggggggg#ALSO does it make a difference that i only feel strongly about this when it's late at night#people always say not to trust how you feel at night but it's not like i feel GOOD about my life in the daytime it's just kinda neutral#like there's enough for me to survive without significant effort and i'm not completely joyless but idk what it's all for#and night is the only time i feel motivated to do anything about it.#though usually that thing is just writing a vent post on tumblr or something equivalently unproductive lolllll
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