#maybe should do another one for non-war related ptsd

[thismoleculeisacomedian]

WWI and PTSD in “Downton Abbey”

PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) is portrayed in some way for each character in DA who served during World War I. I’m going to break down each character’s mental status portrayal. (See tags for content warnings before proceeding; we’re talking about WWI here, so be forewarned: it is grim.)

Mr. Lang:

Here was the most obvious portrayal of PTSD, or shell-shock as it was known in this time period, as it was actually named as such. (Shell-shock, of course; it was not known as PTSD yet, nor would it be until after the Vietnam War.) Mr. Lang is not someone we see prior to the war/his military service, but can still certainly see the impact on his mental state. He had the following: flashbacks, night terrors, startle responses, moments where he seemed to hear artillery fire and other war noises, short attention span, feeling of being profoundly different from those around him, panic attacks....I felt so bad for him. If someone has incapacitating panic attacks and breaks with reality, they should be in a hospital. He was very sick. He is portrayed in a sensitive way, and gets some degree of compassion from the other characters (even Mr. Carson who isn’t...usually very sympathetic to anyone). It also showed his helplessness to handle his mental illness, which is the most accurate thing it could have done: no one can ‘fix’ themselves all by themselves, but the stigma around PTSD/mental illness at the time period meant that most of those people had to suffer in silence in a way that no one should have had to. The people around him respond in ways that often betray their discomfort, which likely stemmed from lack of understanding. 

Matthew: 

Matthew had one of the more subtle portrayals of PTSD among these characters; he didn’t convey a great deal of fear in battle or immediately after; however, those who know the signs and symptoms of PTSD know that the brief moments when he goes silent, and appears almost frozen with memory, that is a sign that he may be having slight episodes of dissociation. The cessation of sound and appearance of him being almost not in himself is a trademark sign of dissociation, or ‘floating above it’ as people often describe this sensation. There are times when it seems that he is the stereotypical war hero who is never thrown by the horrors, and who carries on as before, but anyone who can spot the subtler signs of PTSD can probably pick up on the fact that although he is alright, he is not okay.

Thomas:

Thomas, it conveyed had PTSD through both his actions, and through some stylistic techniques. Like Matthew, it conveys that he dissociated when the man he was trying to get to safety bleeds out in front of him and, more jarringly, his comrade gets abruptly shot through the head, within seconds of each other. Thomas was the character with whom we saw the most sudden, horrific kind of death that was characteristic of the western front. This makes sense, as he was a medic, and thus probably more than anyone else would probably feel responsible for the wellbeing of those around him. It’s easy to imagine that he felt a specific kind of guilt as a result; the guilt of perhaps feeling he’d failed those he was supposed to help. His trauma is also portrayed through his actions: namely, the blind fear of death (”when will my luck run out?”) and also likely exhaustion being why he intentionally got himself shot. (That scene...God. I felt a literal chill go down my neck as I imagined the blind terror that would be both behind and a result of such an awful choice.) He didn’t want to die, but he easily could have, but more than that: he needed to get out before his mind was totally gone. He must have seen many, many soldiers with PTSD and may have been self-aware enough to know that he wasn’t far behind them, and just needed to get out. (To put some things in perspective here: the average tour of duty modern day is ~12 months because you literally cannot ask more of a human being. Thomas had been in the Somme for somewhere between 24 and 30 months.)

Edward Courtenay:

It never expressly says he had PTSD, but rather that his blindness as a result of a gas attack at (I assume?) the Somme was the root cause of his depression and ultimately committing suicide. 

Mrs. Patmore’s nephew:

Archie is never an on-screen character, but he is referenced throughout the season and then later on in the series with the war memorial. Mrs. Patmore was clearly (understandably) destroyed by the news that Archie was essentially executed by his fellow soldiers for ‘cowardice’ which we are meant to take means mental illness. (It was usually associated with a certain action, like running away or intentional injury, but really, nobody does those things when they aren’t, as Mrs. Patmore said, “out of their minds with fear”.) So Archie is treated as a sympathetic character by the narrative, and by Mrs. Patmore and the one person she felt was trustworthy in context, Mr. Lang. (Later on, however, Mr. Carson makes a snippy comment about how it would be insulting to the ones who “did their duty” to remember him along with them, though he fortunately gets upstaged by Robert when Robert gets a war memorial for him out of kindness to Mrs. Patmore.) Overall, he is remember by the characters in a way that was deservedly very sympathetic, though it shows how unfair the wider world was at the time.

In short: it shows why people born from 1885-1900 were referred to as the “Lost Generation”. 

[metvmorqhoses]

Hey there! I'd like to hear your thoughts about this. Jkr never put a lot of thought into voldemort as a character did she? The fact that his villainy is oversimplified to be "conceived under a love potion and hence can't love" although there are instances where he has loved. The narrative that is put forth is that every child who was conceived through unhealthy relationships, abandoning parents and difficult circumstances is destined to be incapable of love. (There are problems/issues because of these circumstances but it's not a doomed-to-be-unloved situation)

The abuse he faced or the trauma was never explained and neither was his nature which can be either perceived as arrogance or as self-preservation in his formative years..

I love your blog and analyses btw!🖤

i couldn’t agree more. i don’t know if you are familiar with what i usually write about voldemort as a villain and as an all-around character, but what you are talking about is not only something i always mention when i discuss him in a more complex, adult manner, but much more importantly is deeply linked to what i think about the hp series in general and to the one, major issue i have with it in particular. this is something i consider very important and, honestly, a topic that is never stressed enough: jkr wrote an overly black and white children book, where oversimplification is the fundamental fabric of everything and i find it all very problematic, to say the least.

i understand the series started as a children book and that characterizing so generically and so stereotypically serves as a great advantage to sell copies, since virtually everyone can draw their own conclusions about pretty much every single character of the series and therefore identify, but hp more often than not proudly poses as a moral compass, as a good-vs-evil lecture, aiming to accompany children into adulthood hand in hand (both the books and the movies literally grow in tone, length, targeted audience and themes with the children who are consuming them), so it’s not unfair of me to be concerned about what exactly these morals have been teaching children and then teens (myself included) for more than twenty years about reality, even as a fantasy series.

i often say the characterizations of its heroes is the thing that scares me the most about the hp series. the entirely of the “good guys” in these books lack basic normal human reactions. they all went through hell one way or another, harry constantly witnessing every last one of his family relations dying/growing up abused and hated/discovering he was raised literally to be slaughtered by the man he looked up to the most, ginny being possessed/forced to kill/almost murdered in tender age by the literal devil and whose trauma is never mentioned again, hermione having to erase the memories of her parents - you know, the list goes on and on. the one thing that all of them have in common tho, is their non-consequence to horror. and that’s wildly unhuman. aside from a little sadness, some stubborn dementors chasing bad memories and sporadic plot-serving nightmares, none of the heroes is really effected or damaged by what happens to them. when normal people would have spiritual crisis, ptsd, depression, manic episodes, you name it, jkr is feeding us the idea that really good, brave, strong, valuable people remain unaffected by trauma and that only the weak, wrong, damaged and therefore evil ones are. and i find it beyond disturbing.

paradoxically enough, voldemort is the only prominent example (probably along with snape and draco, but in a very different way) of “normal” human behavior when a child is exposed that much to trauma and abuse in tender age. jkr never really explains voldermort beyond her rhetorical “he’s wickedness personified” motto, yet the little characterization she gave him is entirely built around trauma - a trauma that she openly equates to evil. voldemort is a child born out of rape (there’s a metaphorical love potion and therefore he’s unable to love - leaving aside the idiocy of it, how sick is that? as if a child should carry the faults of his parents, as if all children born from rape were emotionally disabled or soon to be psychopaths! what exactly she wanted to prove with this point will forever be beyond me), a child abandoned to abuse and poverty in the middle of ww2, a child i’m sure shunned for his magical powers if not worse, a child without a single resource on the planet but himself, a child to whom no one, ever, not even later in the wizarding world, ever gave a helping hand or genuine affection (he was literally sent back to a world war because “no one can live in the school in the summer”, i mean!). of course he had to react to survive, of course all that left him scarred, because it didn’t leave him annihiliated! tom and harry share the condition of the orphan, but while harry was loved by his dead parents, glorified and rich and adored, voldemort was unwanted, discriminated against, bullied, poor and ignored. had dumbledore treated tom as he had treated harry (not that he treated harry that well if we really analyze it, but still), had his mother not abandoned him and died, jkr herself said lord voldemort would have probably never existed.

is this a correct way to stereotype human nature? is this a good message to give children? the only plausible human in there is the psychopathic super villain who is physically unable to love?

i like to think voldermort differently. i do think he could, of couse he could, actually love - as we all can if we allow ourselves to. he’s too complex, too intelligent, too whole as a character to lack anything, both for the good and for the bad. i like to think that maybe amortentia (aka the entirety of his early life experiences) left him dissociated and unable to *understand* his feelings in general and love in particular. maybe he didn’t dare to love anyone. maybe he dared once.

i like to think this way because the way jkr characterizes is nothing short of a disgrace.

the question people ask me the most is precisely this, if i think i’m giving voldemort much more depth than the author actually intended in the first place. my answer is always the same - yes, of course i do. voldemort is beautiful the way i imagine him, as a real plausible person, as a deeply flawed and multifaceted and scarred human being who turned to darkness in search for a home and a reason and that had ultimately found one, as terrible as it was. he certainly deserved more, from a literary point of view. yet i understand it was convenient and safe for jkr to only ever play with his godly, evil, black and white facade.

[ikuzeminna]

Why I love Gundam Wing and hate Frozen Teardrop

With Frozen Teardrop being the first new thing released in the Gundam Wing universe in ages, I feel I should make my stance on it clear, seeing as I’ve read (and by now thankfully forgotten) a large chunk of it.

So, what do I like about Gundam Wing? I can say without lying, almost everything. I like the story, the characters, the themes, the designs and the music. I like its humor, its subtlety, the fact that everyone plays a role and that there's no definite bad guy (nor good one for that matter). I like its dynamics and how you can view it any way you want, e.g. the Gundam pilots being heroes or plain murderers. And I like that you can and even must dig to understand things. The whole composition really works for me.

And what's best is that this entire composition makes Gundam Wing more; it makes it unique. I grew up with classics like Dragonball and Sailor Moon, the forefathers of the 'Idiot Hero' archetype for both males and females. Even to this day you see series featuring these types of main characters. Classic scenario of a naive yet pure kid growing up to become the savior of the world. We've all seen that.

It's why Gundam Wing is so special to me. It has a completely atypical setup and there's absolutely no stereotype I can apply to any character, no matter what TV Tropes may say. Heero is hardly your typical hero, is he? Heck, Heero is hardly a typical anything. What's more, Gundam Wing doesn't follow the 'growing stronger' plotline that, for example, the original MS Gundam or Seed series used. No, Gundam Wing starts out with fully trained soldiers who can kick your butt from episode 1 and will kill you without qualms if the situation requires it. (That's not to say that the characters don't grow, it's the physical growth and capabilities I'm talking about.) What's truly surprising about that is the age of the characters. This is another important point. Gundam Wing and realism. Many times I hear that GW is realistic. I'm sorry but no. Teens fighting against armies isn't realistic. Teens leading said armies isn't either. Neither is bending steel bars, nor surviving jumping off cliffs or blowing up your suit, nor successfully back-flipping from a motorbike onto a clothesline, nor becoming the Queen of the World as a teen, nor stealing a MS carrier plus suit at the age of ten, nor walking around with bazookas at the age of ten nor what have you. It's safe to say that Gundam Wing lacks any sense of realism. But it does not lack logic.

Realism never was Gundam Wing's aim to begin with. The way I see it, it's not just the plot or circumstances that prove this, but also the "inhumanity" of the characters. Would a real person with a similar background as Heero, Duo or Trowa really exhibit such selflessness or noble-mindedness as them and risk his life for strangers by fighting a war that could end in their death? I don't think so. Would anyone as sheltered as Relena give up her lifestyle, have the guts to go against the world's armed rulers with just words and put her life on the line for the sake of others? Hard to believe.

And that's it. One of the things that contributes to Gundam Wing's uniquity and is therefore a, if not the, defining trait of the series, is that it doesn't tell the story about angst-riddled terrorists and princesses, but a tale of heroes. The characters are ridiculously noble, strong, selfless, courageous, determined, make the impossible possible and still retain a certain purity, despite having gone through hell and back. It's what makes them so awesome. It's what makes the series so awesome. Duo isn't badass because he fights in the war. He's badass because he fights "so that no one else will have to" and when you see what he went through, you can only say "wow". Lady Une killed Relena's father and when Relena is given the opportunity to take revenge, she declines, saying there's been enough bloodshed. That's role model material there. Something that is sorely lacking in a lot of shows nowadays. And something that a lot of people seem to miss the point of (I'm referring to those that call the pilots wussies for not killing in EW).

All of this is the reason I hate Frozen Teardrop with a passion. Forget the nonsensical, recycled plot or the billion clones of everyone or the terrible mobile suit names like Snow White or Merciless Fairies. Forget Treize getting French’d by his mom or the Zero System being a digital cat or Relena’s grandfather being a disgusting ephebophile. That stuff is messed up and random and dumb and I have no idea what was wrong with the author at the time to write this.

It’s also that he completely destroys the essence of the original series, making every single characters whine about some drama and the never ending “woe is me” monologue I had to wade through every chapter.

Let’s take Duo, for example. He woke up one morning and decided to become an irresponsible, gold-digging bastard. To get Hilde’s money, he agreed to her terms to cut his braid off and get a “proper” name, just to buy himself a motorbike with their joined assets. Then he inherited a church plus orphanage, which Hilde got stuck with, too, being his wife, and when she asked him how to fund the orphanage, Sumizawa wants me to believe that Duo freaking Maxwell was just “Eh, whatever, leave them to it. I’m out” before taking off? Excuse me, what???

I’ve had discussions with people about this and there were statements that maybe more people just need to learn how actual manic depressives and people with PTSD act in relation to Duo's development in Frozen Teardrop. I've noticed a tendency for people to want to apply realism to Gundam Wing, especially in fanfics, but as I said before, Gundam Wing and realism don't have anything to do with each other. So why should I apply it?

What I expect from anything featuring Gundam Wing's characters is the same "heroic" behavior that was displayed in the series. Sure, the pilots each had a mental burden to carry but it wasn't what defined them. For example, Trowa's insecurity about not having a name or yearning for a home never became the main focus unlike his endless selflessness. And Heero's bitterness about the colonies' betrayal was well hidden under his joining the Treize faction to be able to keep retaliating against OZ. A noble deed to fight on but was it really necessary for him to go for the missions with the lowest chance of survival?

As I said, Gundam Wing is unique because it is atypical. That encompasses pretty much everything; you have bloody murderers in the role of the 'heroes', noble, honorable 'bad guys' who value life and the ever flashy Gundams that can't even begin to compare to non-flashy Relena's influence and importance to the plot. So why on earth should I go along with Duo and Wufei bickering like kids, like characters from five million other series do? I want my uniquity. I'm not saying that it isn't a possible outcome for Duo and Wufei to become bitter and bicker and argue and not be able to stand each other when they become adults. But considering those two could get along splendidly, it's a letdown. Duo and Wufei are very much alike; they both lost people important to them twice, they both fight partly out of revenge and their loss has had the biggest impact on shaping them into what they are in the series, unlike the other pilots. Heck, they both wear their respective culture's colors for mourning. Despite that, their personalities (or ways of dealing) are exact opposites. It's enough to make for a more interesting relationship dynamic between them than what was done in Frozen Teardrop and a lot of Gundam Wing fanfics.

Heero's regression is the same. He was frozen because J said something to the extent of "a guy like him would be needed in the future". How J is even alive is another point of unnecessary addition. But what would a guy like Heero be needed for? Killing, apparently.

Way to ignore the ending of Endless Waltz.

I guess it's partly my wish for Heero and everyone else to live a well-deserved 'happily ever after' which makes me have such a knee jerk reaction to all the drama. That and the fact that there was nowhere near as much drama in Gundam Wing. Nor sap, nor stereotyping, nor "realism". >_>

This grated on my nerves, which was why I dropped Frozen Teardrop like a hot potato and haven’t bothered since. This novel does not only fail on a general level with all the random, messed up crap and terrible pacing, it also fails to satisfy the Gundam Wing fan in me because Sumizawa, the very head writer of the show, also ignored major character traits on top of everything else. Why would Catherine, who stated that she hates war and did everything she could to keep Trowa from fighting, train his clone to become a soldier? Why would Duo become that deadbeat I described above?

Being the sole writer of Frozen Teardrop meant he could take as many creative liberties as he wanted. But in the end, he took too many, which in turn resulted in so many inconsistencies with the series that Frozen Teardrop now takes place in an alternate universe, in which not the series but the manga Glory of Losers takes place. Which is the sole reason I’m not bothered by Frozen Teardrop’s existence anymore.

There were some good passages in the novel, it wasn’t all bad. The battles with the new characters were exciting at times, I’ll be honest, but even those couldn’t be called genuinely good because of the carbon copies deal. There is always some blemish. Like Heero’s proposal to Relena. I’ve seen fans of the pairing rejoice at the scene. Alas, I’m not one of them because frankly, the characters in the novel hardly resemble the original ones. So I don’t care.

As the head writer of the show I had expected him to treat the source material with more care and not run it over with retcons and meaningless additions. Best example being everything surrounding Odin. The world could've definitely done without him being Heero's father. Or freaking Trant being related to him.

But again, alternate universe so who cares.

[thanksjro]

“Bullets”, a Last Stand of the Wreckers prose story- Ironfist Solves a Murder Mystery

Now that Overlord and Rewind have been exploded horribly in the vacuum of space, multiple people have died, and Chromedome’s horrifically single, let’s take a look at all those Last Stand of the Wreckers extras, yeah?

We more or less start with a Furmanism, as is tradition.

One day Furmanisms won’t be nearly as prevalent within the comic publications, and that is a day that I cannot wait to see. Forget politics, forget misogyny, forget basically NEEDING Death of the Author in effect to enjoy anything the man’s done- Furmanisms are a crutch that everybody in this franchise uses, but nobody needs. They never feel natural, in my opinion. It’s like a literary obligation at this point, and you can tell, because it never quite meshes with any writer’s style.

Anyway, this is the setup for what would happen on Pova- the Wreckers have been watching Squadron X fix up their ship, and now that the thing’s airborne again they’ve gotten itchy trigger fingers. Well, some of them, anyway. Rack n Ruin aren’t so sure about this whole thing, seeing as there are eight of them and an entire battalion up there. Impactor’s working the crowd though, as a leader of such a high turnover rate group is required to do, and that’s the point where First Aid stops reading.

Yep, this is one of Fisitron’s datalog entries, of which First Aid is a fan.

This isn’t First Aid’s first appearance within the IDW continuity- he played a role in Spotlight: Jazz, where he lived up to his name, and in Transformers: Ironhide #1, where he was in the background. This IS his premiere as a major player in a story, however, and it’s here that he’s revealed to be a bit of a slacker- he should be making the rounds at Delphi right now, but instead he’s reading entry logs about the wartime equivalent of a boyband.

He hits a key to quicktab to something at least somewhat medically-related as he feels someone approaching from behind. It’s the CMO, and he is in no way fooled by First Aid’s attempt to hide his shame. He gets back to work, but that particular entry- 113, because of course it is- is still on his mind. Hope he never finds out it’s a load of bunk.

I REALLY hope he never finds out this is all bunk. We all need something, you know?

Of course, First Aid- y’know, not to brag or anything- personally met one of the Wreckers. Roughly five years ago, Springer had approached him at a medical conference on Kimia. Why a medical conference was being held on Kimia of all places isn’t addressed, but it was probably because half the folks stationed there are doctors. First Aid, being a classy guy, fucking ogles Springer the entire time they’re talking.

You’ve heard of “Men Writing Women”, now it’s time for “Roberts Writing Robots”. Yes, this is THAT scene, and it’s on the first goddamn page.

First Aid, wanting to be of use to his idol, offers his medical expertise, completely willing to fix Springer’s nose, give him a breast reduction, and even update the circuit dampeners he doesn’t have. Springer, while flattered, isn’t looking for that sort of help. He’s looking for folks who have a lot to give.

The phrasing he uses makes First Aid think that he’s about to be recruited to the Wreckers- in other words, about to be put in line for a slow and awful death- but Springer clarifies that he’s looking more for eyes and ears to help him, not so much bodies. He hands First Aid a card with his number, and says to give him a call sometime.

Cutting back to the present, First Aid is walking through the rows of patient slabs, where we see an honestly horrifying practice in play- every patient in Delphi has their non-essential functions turned off to conserve power. This includes things like the ability to move, and speak.

Because that couldn’t possibly have any negative repercussions.

He checks in on the Fader he’s been assigned, confirms that, yes, his head IS still missing from his neck, then makes to walk out of the room, only to be startled by the sudden entry of a stretcher and Ambulon. Here, Ambulon is identified as a chief paramedic, as opposed to being a ward manager. Whether this is early installment weirdness or a simple mistake isn’t clear.

Ambulon is quickly followed by Dogfight, Dodger, and Backstreet(’s back, alright!) First Aid gets to work, by checking the three of them for injuries, paying special attention to their Autobot badges.

This is the reason Rung had to call in at the beginning of MTMTE #4, though it might be more because First Aid can’t act like a professional of five friggin’ minutes.

Oh, Delphi’s HR department is getting a call for sure.

First Aid, while a known fondler of badges, has never had this exact reaction. He runs off to make a phone call, leaving the injured Dodger to wait for the surgery he’s going to undergo the moment First Aid gets back.

Meanwhile, somewhere else- I’m guessing Kimia- Rung has an appointment underway with a dude named Flattop.

Flattop’s TFWiki article is one of the most depressing on the entire site, and it’s completely “Bullets”’s fault.

You see, Flattop’s attempting to talk through his trauma, but it’s difficult.

This level of insight is why they pay Rung the big bucks.

The war, while terrible for everyone’s mental health, has given Rung a slew of patients to handle.

Gee, wonder who that medic was.

Anyway, so Flattop’s deal- he was at Babu Yar, which was an event that was apparently so terrible, everyone involved was offered brand new bodies as compensation. He’s currently hiding underneath a table, which Rung identifies as “playing to type”. Flattop isn’t even here to talk about Babu Yar, but it’s good to know that war is still hell.

The reason Flattop’s actually here is this: he was serving under Silverstreak- another one of Rung’s patients, and someone who I’m convinced might actually be a Warrior cat given the name- and was going to check something out when he saw something utterly terrifying.

Rung gets Flattop out from under the table, and they talk about what the Shimmer means. Flattop is convinced that since he’s seen the thing, he’s going to die. You see, folklore in space is very similar to its counterpart on Earth, in that it’s a warning swathed in story to make it easily digestible.

Rung, who tries to keep things rational, offers to give Flattop a few possible explanations for what he saw. Because Flattop had only recently gotten his hot new bod a short while before he saw the Shimmer, it’s completely possible he had had a hallucination due to the adjustment period. Another theory is that Flattop has PTSD. Which, I mean, yeah.

While Rung was busy trying to explain what had happened, Flattop friggin’ died.

Awkward.

Over with Ironfist- because “Bullets” is a prequel- we’re in the middle of a meeting with the Ethics Committee. Xaaron, Animus, and Trailbreaker of all people, have come together to pass judgement on Ironfist’s cerebro-sensitive bullets. There’s a lot of hemming and hawing, and Ironfist reflects on how they got to this moment, while fiddling with a data slug to burn off the nerves.

This is just after the Surge happened, an event kicked off by the betrayal of the Autobot cause allowed Megatron to seize a majority of the Autobot outposts. It was a huge deal, a lot of shit was stolen, including the Weak Anthropic Principle, and it left everyone a little twitchy towards one another. Trust is not in vogue at present.

Kimia’s in a mess of trouble anyway, however, due to the events of Babu Yar, where Gideon’s Glue had rained down on the Autobot troops under Flame’s command, eaten to Swiss cheese by something eerily similar to something being developed on the station.

So an investigation was established. Brainstorm, who’s apparently big man on campus here at Kimia, is questioned, as is everyone else. Of course, no one cops to having invented Gideon’s Glue, because that’s a big ol’ war crime, so the questioning goes nowhere, but now there’s a precedent for mistrust on this science station.

Anyway, back to the bullet thing.

Ironfist’s cerebro-sensitive bullets are designed to hit the head, every single time, ignoring trajectory, ballistic physics, what you think is possible, and the Geneva Convention. It’s fired, it hits the first brain it identifies. Brutal stuff. Effective, but brutal.

Trailbreaker’s not a fan.

I mean, maybe? I guess it depends how gray your morality is. I bet Prowl would like them.

After telling Trailbreaker to keep it professional, Xaaron tells Ironfist that using these bullets would be a literal war crime, and he’s got a little over a day to hand them over to the Committee for destruction. Meeting adjourned!

Ironfist is left standing there until his good buddy Skyfall checks in on him. Ironfist is kind of bummed out, but Skyfall knows how to cheer him up- by comparing him to Impactor, former leader of the Wreckers, and one of Ironfist’s fan-crushes.

Man, this makes the Pova reveal a little harsher in hindsight, huh?

Skyfall invites Ironfist to the Exit Rooms, a place where the Kimia employees can drink and no one will give a shit, and as they make their way over they run into Brainstorm.

Brainstorm gets some interesting development in this story.

That’s right, not only are his weapons completely insane, and in some cases literally abstract, they’re apparently often so incredibly dangerous that the Ethics Committee loses sleep over the fact that they exist.

And Brainstorm loves it.

No wonder Trailbreaker was so annoyed in his Spotlight.

Skyfall asks about what’s in Brainstorm’s briefcase, gets an answer that’s likely a lie, then the boys head over to the Exit Rooms.

Over on Hydrus 5, it’s raining cats and dogs, and this is somehow the Transformers fault. I guess the universe bends to the will of what would be the most dramatic, as everyone takes a break from warmongering to soul-search.

Or ego-stroking. That works too.

Here is our dear Pyro, reveling in the aftermath of a battle that destroyed the natural ecosystem of the land, but at least they kicked those ‘Cons’ asses!

Pyro, who’s revealed to be maybe perhaps not the best at coming up with one-liners, is left alone for a bit as Afterburner goes to check on the rest of their men. As he tries to piece together a speech to deliver, he sees a green something- they’re always green, aren’t they?- and that something is the Shimmer.

Well, heck.

Over on the dilapidated space station of Debris (wow, that’s even less subtle than usual for this franchise) Springer’s holding a bullet. I mean, it’s not really a bullet, and the Decepticon who fired it wasn’t really a Decepticon.

I want you to know that I keep track of how many times 113 comes up in these stories, and for “Bullets" it’s a LOT.

Today’s letter from Agent 113 foreshadows/hindshadows the events of Last Stand, claiming that the DJD hasn’t heard anything from Garrus-9 since the Surge happened. Prowl’s concerned that Fortress Maximus is still alive in there and fighting off the Decepticons while waiting for backup, so he recently called Springer and invited the Wreckers on a mission.

All Springer has to do is pick some sorry sons of guns to die.

Over with Guzzle, who is romanticizing a weapon, comparing his gun to a religious artifact, our dear little bastard man has realized that he does, in fact, have emotions, and is in mourning over his lost comrades, who died rescuing Kup from Tsiehshi. Guzzle doesn’t much appreciate this whole “feeling” thing, and would rather it didn’t get in the way of him shooting statues for no other reason than him wanting to. Then he sees the Shimmer, and feels fear. He doesn’t much care for that, either.

Even Nick Roche is powerless to stop this madness.

We reconfirm the fact that Ironfist is a massive nerd, then are shown that the bullet accident that will have killed him by the end of Last Stand #5 has already happened. Ever so slowly, the bullet is heading for Ironfist’s brain. Every time it hits a new layer of his noggin, he blacks out.

Ironfist is going to leave on his super-fun, not-at-all-traumatizing Wrecker adventure soon, and he’s promised Skyfall his workshop. Skyfall was at Grindcore for a while, and that kind of gave him PTSD, so when Ironfist had gotten accepted to Kimia, he’d brought him along for the ride.

I like to call Grindcore Eugenesis-lite.

Because Skyfall is a reckless son of a gun with access to Ironfist’s workshop, he inadvertently caused a major incident with something called Black Phosphex, which resulted in the deaths of several Autobots because it wasn’t properly tested. This landed him in Garrus-9 for a bit, in a temporary career-path deviation, until it was time to come home to Kimia, just in time for the Inquiry.

Are stans always this intense? Because good lord, Ironfist.

Over at Karashi Delta, in the aftermath of a fierce battle, Rotorstorm is hyping himself the fuck up.

But does he buy it himself?

Hmm, survey says no.

Of course, verbal abuse isn’t the only thing we’ll be getting here. No, things begin to escalate pretty rapidly with Jetstream, who moves from shoving to almost beating Rotorstorm to death in a matter of months, before disappearing from the station forever.

Dang, this Jetstream fella kinda sucks. What’s his friggin’ problem?

Ah.

Again, I can’t stress this enough, Whirl’s awful flipper claws from back during his time as a cop do not make a nice fist. He was basically stabbing Rotorstorm. Who let this man be a teacher?

Rotorstorm is snapped out of his self-deprecating flashbacks by the sight of something on the canyon lip up ahead. It’s the gotdang Shimmer. Rotorstorm books it, not wanting to be caught by a harbinger of death. It doesn’t work, but points for trying.

Back on Debris, Springer’s picked his new recruits. Now all he has to do is call them up. Hey, isn’t Springer green? Green like the Shimmer? How about that.

Back on Kimia, Skyfall’s wandered into Ironfist’s workshop to share the gossip on Fisitron’s latest Wreckers: Declassified. Folks are a bit critical of his writing style, it would seem.

Of course Swerve knows what fan-fiction is. He seems like exactly the type to make fun of it, then read a 43,000 word fic in a single sitting, under cover of darkness, burning with shame all the while.

After making a note on his current Wreckers: Declassified document to ease up on the adverbs, Ironfist switches gears and gets busy on his other project: an Unofficial Wreckers’ Training Guide. I wonder when the switch from Primal Vanguard to Wreckers as a hyperfixation happened for him.

Ironfist asks Skyfall what entry he’s currently on, and the answer is a ways away from the latest one. Skyfall’s a slow reader, but he doesn’t want to just beam it all into his brain because it feels like cheating. He asks Ironfist when he’s going to cover the Wreckers’ mission to Garrus-9, the one that happened while he was there being not-imprisoned. Ironfist gives a non-answer, then asks if Skyfall wants to help with packing up the war-crime guns. Skyfall most certainly does not.

Ironfist starts breaking everything down when he gets a call from Prowl, as happened in Last Stand #4.

Back with Springer, we’re giving our dad a hug, as he greets Kup. It’s here we find out who Ironfist replaced on the Wrecker team for Operation: Retrieval- it was Skyfall. Skyfall had impressed Springer during their last Garrus-9 excursion, and thought that he’d be a good fit for the team, despite the Black Phosphex incident.

Kup goes full old man story time mode about how insanely boring Prowl is, while Springer gets the door. On the other side is Twin Twist, Top Spin, and Perceptor. They hold the vote, Ironfist given immunity due to unmentioned Prowl reasons, and Springer gets ready to call all their new pals.

Back at Ironfist’s workshop, Ironfist reflects on just how his life got to this point. He’s going to join the Wreckers! Never mind the fact that he’ll be going to die, and that’s if the bullet crawling around in his skull doesn’t get him first. Never mind the very likely possibility that he’s being exploited by Prowl. Nah, he’s gonna go on an adventure! It’s gonna be awesome! Yaaaaay!

It doesn’t pay to be blue and naive when Roberts is handling the story. Just ask Pipes.

Or don’t. You won’t get an answer.

Called it.

Ironfist, starstruck, bumbles his way through the conversation we saw in the Mosaic, and so it was that he became a Wrecker. All he has to do is pop on over to Rung’s office, get his head examined, then get his butt on over to Babu Yar.

Telecon work completed, Springer reflects on the fact that Guzzle turned him down. It’s not often someone turns down the chance to be a Wrecker.

Oh, well, never mind then.

Ironfist immediately tells Skyfall about what’s happened, because he’s just so jazzed to be a Wrecker. Skyfall isn’t quite as thrilled, but does his best to be supportive.

And by that I mean he’s not listening in the slightest as he’s already planning out the interior design for the workshop once Ironfist is gone. I bet he’ll get Atomizer to help him, the tacky bastard.

Skyfall runs off to go look at paint swatches or whatever, and Ironfist finalizes the stuff for the Ethics Committee pickup.

Oh, so that appointment wasn’t on Kimia after all. Can we please get some sort of fast-track program for the mental health specific degrees? We can’t keep using Rung for everybody, he’s only one person.

Oh heavens, Ironfist, be careful.

Ironfist gets another call, and we jump scenes before we can figure out just who rang or why.

Brief timeskip, and we find ourselves at Babu Yar, as Ironfist introduces himself to Guzzle and his gun.

Ironfist is about as smooth as coarse-grit sandpaper.

While Ironfist is busy revealing his nerd shame to Guzzle, someone’s decided to be a cocky little asshole.

Oh, dramatic irony. Always a delightful sort of pain.

Rotorstorm cranks up the “I’m hot shit” act to 11.5, doing completely unnecessary flips and talking himself up like he will literally die if he doesn’t.

Off in the distance, something disingenuously impressive comes up over the hill.

Of course, it’s not Optimus Prime, but it is someone who would very much like to be him. Such is the nature of primus apotheosis. Gang’s all here!

This is going to turn out fan-fucking-tastic.

Rotorstorm and Guzzle want to play with the big gun Ironfist brought along, and since Ironfist is going to die anyway, he lets them go for it. This would be why everything was on fire at the start of the miniseries.

Yep. Just gotta make it hurt just a little more, doncha Roberts? Just gotta twist the knife.

Nine months after the events of the Garrus-9 mission, Skyfall is upset. He’s gone and played himself by not attending the Ethics Committee hearings, and they’ve taken all his toys away as a result. He tries to mask his lack of concern for safety precautions behind a facade of missing Ironfist, but it doesn’t get him the weapons back.

Feeling cross, he decides it’s about time he made a visit to the Exit Rooms to blow off a little steam.

Later, he gets a call. Worried that his lack of ethics and/or his drunken squabbling has gotten him in trouble yet again, he’s loathe to answer, but does anyway.

Ghost call!

No, it’s actually a prerecorded message, one that claims that Skyfall killed Ironfist. Ironfist had asked Brainstorm to take a gander at the gun after he got shot, and found that it had been tampered with, set to go off on its own when held a certain way. That’s who was calling before he left for his Wrecker mission. 

Skyfall starts to panic, expecting the security detail for Kimia to bust into the workshop at any second. 

Ironfist knows that only Skyfall could have done this to him, but he doesn’t know the exact motive. Was it because he was jealous of how good a weapons expert he was? A chip on his shoulder about Grindcore? Whatever the reason, Ironfist isn’t terribly concerned at the time of the recording. What he is concerned about is Gideon’s Glue.

Ironfist had, in fact, invented Gideon’s Glue, but he’d been so horrified by what the shit actually did, he flushed it into space and destroyed all research before the Ethics Committee even knew about it. It still got to the Decepticons, though, didn’t it? How could such a thing happen?

Probably not, considering what happens next.

Ironfist is a smart guy, but more importantly, he knows how to reach his audience. Literally, in this case, as Skyfall finds out, when the Enforcement Squad starts trying to break down the door. Ironfist had the message that Skyfall is currently listening to primed for beaming into all of Fisitron’s reader’s brains. Everyone knows what happened. Swerve. Atomizer. Ratchet, who’s over on Earth right now. First Aid, who has enough bullshit to worry about on Delphi without this nonsense. You. Me. Everyone.

Skyfall, in a mad attempt to save himself, throws some of Ironfist’s Wrecker memorabilia at the door, and out pops that last tube of Gideon’s Glue.

There’s only one way out of this one.

This got really intense at the end, didn’t it?

[hpowellsmith]

what other choice of games titles would you recommend? :)

Disclaimer that there are A LOT that I haven't played! Also these only include published games because my to play list is outrageous already... But these are my top ten. I can do "if you liked X you might like Y" too!

* marks games which were made before all Choice of Games allowed you to play as non-binary or are otherwise gender-restricted

Asteroid Run: No Questions Asked: disclaimer that my wife made this game but I would love it no matter what! You're captain of a space freighter with a lovable hot mess of a crew (they are wonderful seriously) some of whom have Secrets. A sleazy corporate businessman is travelling with you transporting ... something ... and you need to keep your ship intact on a dangerous journey. The romance in this is gorgeous and there's just so much spooky space tension.

A Study in Steampunk*: fantasy Sherlock Holmes, with a boatload of angst and incredible love interests. Such a huge variety of stories, and they interweave amazingly so replaying is so much fun. This one is restricted to a male MC, there is a male love interest though.

Choice of the Deathless*: you are a demon lawyer (are you a lawyer for demons? or a lawyer who is demonic? Answer: yes) and solve cases for demons and gods using wits and creepy magic. Maybe you'll make partner. Maybe you'll get turned into a skeleton. Based in the Craft Sequence world by Max Gladstone, the books in which you should absolutely read.

The City's Thirst*: another Craft Sequence game starring a different demonic lawyer with magic-and-war-related PTSD. This one is tenser and more bleak, wonderfully written and with no right answers.

Stronghold: A Hero's Fate: build a settlement, perform negotiations, and make a life for yourself. It takes place after a big epic fantasy situation, showing what happens after the enemy has been defeated. And you get to romance various disaster friends (you can do polyamorous romances too!)

Cannonfire Concerto: prance across countries as a travelling musician on your grand tour poking into local and national politics and getting in trouble. Gorgeous worldbuilding and excellent bardic absurdity with a serious story at its core.

Heart of the House: playing this is like sinking into a bath scattered with rose petals while a thunderstorm rages outside. It's just beautiful. You're a tormented occultist who's travelled to a mysterious mansion (with your lovely, crushing-on-you business partner) to rescue your vanished uncle and get embroiled into INTENSE SPOOKINESS. The romances are On Point and are on the steamier end of Choice of Games content. Absolutely great.

Tally Ho: if you've somehow played Crème de la Crème and not Tally Ho, do I have a treat for you. You're servant to a bumbling aristocrat ala Jeeves and Wooster and visit their aunt for a summer weekend. Hilarity ensues! This one skips along with giggles on every page. Please play it immediately.

Weyrwood: in a Regency inspired setting, you're heir to a lovely property. Unfortunately, the village in which it's situated is in a sinister pact with the Fae. How are you to make an eligible marriage and attend all the soirées while dealing with fae horrors?

Sixth Grade Detective: to make some extra money, you start a detective agency helping out the other kids at school! This is really cute, with middle grade mystery/adventure vibes and some adorable romance to go with it.

[low-budget-korra]

The first text I made was over 2,000 words so I’ll try to summarize it.

First I'm going to talk about what I think is Bury Your Gays and poor writing of minorities.

For me, Bury your gays is when certain productions kill the lgbt character for the sake of shock value, often in the most stupid ways possible. A famous example of this was what happened to Lexa in the 100. When it feels like the character only died because he is gay.

And for me, poor writing for minorities (poc, lgbt, people with disabilities ...) can be characterized as:

1. Productions that want to portray the image of progressives and put a poc or lgbt character (which are the most common cases) without personality, unimportant, without development ... Character that are just there for decoration

2. When they even create an interesting character but soon create a reason to kill him to shock the audience. Kill them because they are poc.

And for me having a poc or lgbt character (since these are the boxes where I identify with) interesting, important ... this is the word: Important! whether it is important directly in the plot as a protagonist who carries the story or a supporting role with a good role on the story and a good development, it is much more significant than a character forced only for certain productions not to be accused of racism, sexism or lgbtphobia.

Of course, each case is different. I will now comment briefly on Atomic Blonde, The Last of Us part II and The Legend of Korra.

In Atomic Blonde we have the death of Delphine, a lgbt character who has generated some discussions about being a "bury your gays". I don't particularly agree because I believe that if she were a man or straight, she would die anyway. Since the protagonist's other love interest had died in the beginning and he was a heterosexual white man, and because the character of Delphine, despite being a spy, did not belong in that work or life style . Something even commented by herself. She was an inexperienced agent in the worst possible scenario to be one . But i now understand and why some people still think It was bury your gays.

In The Last of Us part II I saw many people complaining about the death of Jesse, Yara and how Lev was just a supporting character. The Last of Us part II .... a game that is not afraid to kill loved characters without any ceremony simply because in that world, one mistake can cost your life. Regardless of gender, sexuality, age, skin color ...

Jesse and Yara played Asian American characters and died. Mel, Joel, Owen ... were Caucasian, cishet characters who died too. None of them die because they are asian american or caucasian, they die cuz that world is fucking ruthless.

And about Lev not being important just because he is an supporting character... First that he is for Abby what Dina is for Ellie, both of them are extremely important support for the protagonists and Interesting characters with their own internal struggles and development. I think it is very unfair to throw this away with the argument like: "ah, but he is not the protagonist so it is not important"

And still about The Last of Us part II we are talking about a game and for those who do not know the gamer community is toxic, full of sexism, racism, lgbtphobia ... And the game developers had the balls for not only make two protagonists women outside the steryotype of femme fatalle or defenseless love interest(still very present in games) and one of them a lesbian, but also introducing an important trans character in a mainstream high-budget game.

People, until recently the only image we had of women in games was that of a busty model running around, made purely to please male players, good and important black, asian and lgbt characters was really rare or just didnt exist at all.

And today we have characters like Ellie, Lev, Kassandra (AC Odyssey), Jill Valentine and Claire Redfield who were reimagined more humanely in the remakes of Resident Evil, Lara Croft herself in the 2013 Tomb Raider remake, Max and Chloe(Life is Strange), Lee and Clementine(TWD from telltale), Marcus (Detroit Become Humam ), Connor (AC3) ... I know, there is still a long way to go until we have achieved the equality and representativeness that we want in the world of games but we are advancing. They may be a baby step but they still are steps forward. We should continue to support this initiatives and demand better representation.

Now about The Legend of Korra ... Reading the comments in the post i get the feeling that people were much more angry with Bryke for being cishet than with questions related to the narrative.

It bothers me the fact that it seems that whoever made the posts (originally from twitter) did not watch avatar or simply watched without paying attention. It was NEVER about Korra needed suffering but about finding Meaning in suffering. And yes, they are two different things.

When in the end Korra is talking to Tenzin, about understand the why she had to go through all that , for them be abble to be more compassionate of others. That shit is real. When you have a panic attack , for exemple, you become more abble to help someone who also suffers from that. Or when some people lose someone for a disease or acident and choose to become a doctor to help others, wanting no other person had to go through that pain... In this case, the person didnt have to lose someone to be a doctor but maybe after saw all the fight that the doctors put in to save someone and the pain of losing someone may have made the person spend the rest of his life saving people. Get It?

And in Avatar, both TLA and TLOK, people have suffer.

Aang: Cast aside by his friends when people discover he was the Avatar. Runaway and lose all of his people. Had to see the devastation for himself and find the bones of his friend and possible father figure. Almost die a few times. For many years had the weight of been the last of his people. And in a part of the journey, lost Appa.

Sokka and Katara: Lost their mother. Their dad leave to fight and possible die in the war. Sokka was only a teen when he was the man responsable for his tribe. Katara had the weight of being the only waterbender of her tribe and be the only one that could calm Aang once he was in Avatar State.

Toph: as a blind kid, her parents think of her as someone unable to do anything. Had to choose between save Appa or save the others in some point of their journey

Zuko: When i start with him?

Azula: oh Boy...

Iroh: Lose is only son. Had to see his brother burn Zuko's face. And Zuko betrayed him, kind of, in the end of book2.

Asami: Her mom was murdered , maybe even in front of her. Her dad was a evil genius. She probably suffered with Korra in those 3 years.

Mako and Bolin: They grow up as orphans on the streets...

I could go on and on, dude, even the cabbage man had suffer from losing his cabbages over and over.

But all of the sudden, Korra now had to have plot armor or else Bryke is wrong and are terrible people.

Everybody loves to talk about how perfect Zuko's arc and development is. Zuko, who was one of the characters who most have suffered in the show. But for him all was necessary, had meaning, perfect storytelling and structure but with Korra.... "She cant suffer cuz she is brown"

And its not like Bryke was making something up outta nowhere just to torture the character. All she face it was a consequence direct or indirect of her actions and actions of other people.

Amon and the Equalists? Aang didnt kill Yakone nor put him in prison for life, just took his bending. Yakone was a terrible father, and one of the reason Amon hate bending (even himself been a waterbender) so much to the point of him do what he did. The same to Tarrlok. He turn his sons into monsters. And the triads only help them, because they use their bending to rob the non benders.

Vaatu? Look up The Beginning epsodes because this one is more complex.

Unalaq? Look, the worst villain of Avatar. But he took advantage of things that happen as consequences of the ending of book1

Zaheer? Direct consequence of that happen in the finale of book 2.

Kuvira? Direct consequence of things that happen in book 3

Again, i could go on and on and go deeper on all that. But this is already getting to big.

But what pissed me off most is ... Look im years in this fandom. As a Brazilian i saw and read stuff from the fandom here in my country and the fandom here in Tumblr. And in those years i read so much about how Korra journey help people overcome their struggles with ptsd, anxiety, depression...myself included. How much Korra was important to lesbians and bissexuals girls, especially girls of color.

And them we have those few people throw shit on all this and "cancel" you for not agree with them...

The Legend of Korra ended 2014, 6 years ago and still is so loved, so important to so many people, for the most diverse reasons.

For a cishet, Bryke did a amazing job creating this amazingly beautiful universe. With the most diverse inspirations, coming from places that are forgotten on western media. But i guess its easier criticize, and cancel them and the show than do what they did.

I know that sometimes we just wanted a scape from our difficult reality but seriously, if you Just want a movie/tv show/book...100% happy, rainbow and sunshine with no suffering at all, stick with the fanfics because even romcons sometimes have their among of "i you make you cry and suffer" kind of shit.

Suffer is present in our life and what a lot of movies/tv shows/games/books...try to do is bring our struggles and our suffering into them. Why? Its easier have simpathy for characters who look like us, characters who had been through the same stuff as us.

Is so difficult talk those things in another language. I always feel like i didnt express myself right. And im really sorry if i offended anyone, it wasnt my intention.

[agentnico]

Da 5 Bloods (2020) Review

WAKANDA FOREVER!!!!!!!

Plot: From Academy Award® Winner Spike Lee comes a new joint: the story of four African American Vets - Paul (Delroy Lindo), Otis (Clarke Peters), Eddie (Norm Lewis), and Melvin (Isiah Whitlock, Jr.) - who return to Vietnam. Searching for the remains of their fallen Squad Leader (Chadwick Boseman) and the promise of buried treasure, our heroes, joined by Paul's concerned son (Jonathan Majors), battle forces of Man and Nature - while confronted by the lasting ravages of The Immorality of The Vietnam War.

Talk about coincidental relevancy! The Black Lives Matter movement is in full swing currently (following the death of George Floyd), and non-other than Spike Lee releases a Netflix film about Vietnamese veterans, emphasising that it wasn’t only the whites who fought and died for their country during the war. On a serious note, racism was always an issue in the US, so movies like this should always be welcomed, with or without the movement. Director Spike Lee recently addressed the fact of his new film’s release timing accidentally coinciding with what is happening on the news recently in an interview with Variety, where he said the following: “I cannot take any credit for this. The film was shot when it was shot; it was ready to come out when it was ready to come out. And then the world changed for everybody. When something is repeated all the time it becomes a cliché … but that doesn’t mean it’s not the truth. And the truth I’m talking about is timing is everything. This film’s coming out at the right time for the world we live in.” Couldn’t have put it better myself, Mr Lee! This reiterates how severe racism is engraved in America’s DNA, especially that we keep coming back to this issue over and over again. You’d think that by now people would have learnt from their mistakes and would have become better. But as I said, it’s in the DNA of the US, and there is only so much that that can be changed unfortunately. History has taught us a lot, and sadly history tends to repeat itself. But let’s not talk about negatives. In this pandemic filled world where new films are such a rarity due to cinema closures, we actually have a decent film to talk about! So let’s talk about it! 

In a nutshell, this is a quest film! Find a fallen comrade and do some good ol’ gold digging whilst they’re at it! As expected with these treasure escapades, things get out of hand. Straight off the bat, our four leads meet up at the beginning of the movie, and right away you sense the camaraderie between these guys. Through the solid writing and great acting, you truly get the feel that these are true friends who have been through a lot together, like, say, a war! You get to observe their friendship and their love for one another, and though each of them have their own ideologies and beliefs, they work naturally well together, and at the end of the day that is what friendship is. A group of different people who share something in common. That is a theme I’m sure everyone can relate to. That is unless you don’t have any friends, in which case I am very sorry to hear that. Wish I could help. Not even much for advice on that one. Maybe get out more? Honestly, I’m no counsellor, so not the best point of conversation on this topic. I can provide you with a pat on the shoulder and a “there there” if necessary, but that’s about it... Anyhow, friendship!! There’s a lot of it in this movie! That’s just one of the many profound themes applicable to humanity that are present amongst the scenes that play out before our eyes. Even with the Vietnam war aspect, from the trailer I thought this was going to be a war movie, but it actually isn’t. Don’t get me wrong, the war element is certainly present in flashback form, but otherwise it is a modern day set tale. So the war is done, but that is the thing, for these guys, this war never ended. They still suffer from PTSD, getting nightmares and constantly being haunted by past demons, and thus the horrors of war are constantly surrounding them. Again, a very timely theme that can resonate with a few, even as loosely as the idea of being tormented by the past. This makes the movie work really well. It feels real, as it is dealing with a lot of true to life human emotions. 

I need to also mention the technical side, as the way this movie is filmed....it feels like a filmmaker who knows his chops! For example, the way aspect ratio is used in this movie to emphasise the time and place in certain scenes really helps in separating the different story elements and tones. The modern day plot-line is presented in normal scope 23.5 aspect ratio as well as 1.78, then the flashbacks that show the Bloods fighting in the jungles of Vietnam during the war are shown in 4:3 (basically a slightly widened square shaped, very old-school) ratio with a more grainy palette, that very much adds to the feel of the past. Heck, for many audiences this might not be a big deal, but I appreciated this cinema trickery. 

As a whole this movie is a solid watch (and surprisingly intense with quite a few shoot-outs), and, like The Irishman last year, perfect for a streaming service like Netflix, as it’s a pretty long movie, reaching over 2 and a half hours, so it’s very comforting to split your viewing into two or three sittings. In terms of negatives, there aren’t many. As I said, it is a bit long, and 20 minutes could have been chirped off, and also at times the movie does come off a bit preachy and on-the-nose with some of its ideas, which seems to be a bit of a Spike Lee shtick, as I had the same little complaint with his previous directorial outing BlacKkKlansman (though, again, that was a very good movie too!), but never so much that it was beating you over the head with its messages. Though as previously stated, a lot of the themes and ideas are timely messages and thus I cannot really fault them. Also a shout-out to the entire cast, everyone is on their top game, and as I haven’t seen many of these actors before, I will definitely make sure to keep an eye out for them from now on, as these fellas have talent! Special applause goes to Delroy Lindo, who gives such a raw, emotion-filled, vulnerable performance, that I really hope The Academy consider him for an Oscar nomination at the ceremony next year. The film as a whole to be honest definitely oozes with awards potential. We’ll just have to see if these nominations truly come to fruition. Also those looking forward to seeing Black Panther himself, Chadwick Boseman, in this movie, just want to warn you, he isn’t in the film much. That being said, his role is very important and has a great impact on it’s characters. So don’t worry, you will still get your chances to scream “Wakanda Forever!” at the top of your lungs, you Marvel sycophants! 

Overall score: 8/10

[alexisluthor]

A view of Prodigal Son through my lens of mental health

Prodigal Son is a fantastic show. One of the reasons I got so drawn into it is because I can relate to Malcolm. I have PTSD, night terrors, panic attacks...in short - trauma. 

Malcolm’s trauma, and how he deals with it, plays a significant role in the show and the writer’s have done a great job exploring this, but there’s always room to explore further. 

For as much as I have in common with the character of Malcolm, I have just as many differences. I’m not pretty, I’m not rich, I don’t have medication that works for me, and my father’s not a serial killer. I’m average on a good day, totally broke, allergic to the majority of SSRI’s and my dad’s a geologist. Writing all of that down I realize that only the last point works in my favor. 

My own personal drabbles aside, there’s a lot I’ve experienced that I’m sure the show could explore as well. 

For one, finding the right medication can be a slow, terrifying and tedious process. There can be side effects...withdrawals like ‘brain zaps,’ when you’re going off one and getting on another. It can be quite rough. There’s maintenance medication, and emergency medication like Xanax. Malcolm said that he’s wildly dependent on Benzos, but we’ve never seen him take an emergency medication I don’t think.

Still, he has his medication and his routine, which is good. Maybe he’s got all that figured out already. I don’t really know what that’s like - to have that all figured out. I’ve tried. I’ve been prescribed (what feels like) nearly everything and have had a whole host of terrible side effects - one of which (rather ironically) is anxiety. My body simply can’t break down anxiety medication, the drugs building up in my system until side effects become inevitable. That’s just my own weirdness though.

Another thing that works out pretty well for Malcolm is how others, namely his team, treats him. They know that he’s ‘different,’ but they accept him. In real life...well...in my experience...it’s not like that really. 

What it *is* like is people judging you or trying to help you or blowing you off entirely. I personally devote a massive amount of time and energy attempting to ‘come off’ as normal. I do things that scare me to death - things I wouldn’t normally do - just to prove my normalcy. But I’m not normal.

I bend over backwards to make concessions for other people, but (aside from a few family members) no one does the same for me. They don’t do it because they don’t understand. And if I try to explain my aversion to certain things...if I try to explain my anxiety to someone who has never dealt with it themselves (or know someone who has) it’s nearly impossible to explain. It’s like trying to describe colors to someone who’s colorblind.

There’s this inherent loneliness, this clawing desire to be known and understood that goes unmet, and this massive fear that no one out there cares or understands. 

You try to explain things in such a way that people will understand.

To demonstrate the disheartening result of me trying to open up to people, these are the kinds of things I hear from people in response to my trying to explain. “Why don’t you just get over it?” “You should put yourself out there more.” “Well I never had a problem with XYZ, why do you?” “Being anxious means you’re not being strong enough in your faith.” “Have you tried essential oils?” Have you tried yoga?” “You should go Keto.” “It sounds like you need to work on XYZ…” “Why do you have PTSD? You were never in a war.”

Eventually, you just stop putting yourself out there. You stop trying to make friends. You stop trying to date. Because the experiences you have - the truly bad ones - are so crushing, discouraging and heart wrenching. 

I’ve had bosses pick on me for being anxious. I’ve had some ask me to do things that really made my anxiety quite bad - and I did them anyway, rather than trying to explain. I’ve had terrible coworkers, and awful people who I thought were my friends, who turned out not to be. 

And Malcolm’s team is just...there for him...supporting him. And it’s wonderful. But it would also be wonderful to see him interact with someone who really doesn’t get it. Because that happens quite a lot.

Switching gears, I’ve also had some different experiences when it came to therapists - if I could afford them. I had a good one, but she went to work at a hospital. She left, and she was the only therapist I had ever connected with. I tried to see one before her, but we didn’t connect at all and it left me wondering if therapy was even an option for me. Then I found her and it was a good option. It worked out nicely. Then she left. And I’ve struggled with my anxiety now more than ever...but I don’t have her...so I’m trying someone new. 

And each time you start with a therapist, it’s like starting at zero. Recalling all of your trauma with them...wondering if they can help or not. One lady I saw, who was very much the wrong fit, told me that I couldn’t have a kid on my own. That it wasn’t right if I didn’t have a husband. Needless to say - that didn’t work out.

And you do try everything. You try the tapping method thing and the brain spotting thing. You try traditional therapy and so many other things because, more than anything, you want to be normal. People say normal is overrated, but it isn’t. It’s a golden, beautiful thing that feels so out of reach - so unattainable sometimes. 

And you’re not sure when it happened, but you’ve somehow got this label. This necklace that says, “broken,” that’s chained around your neck. And you carry it, believing that you are inherently defective - the belief seeping into other areas of your life like a poison. 

You try to cope, but that’s not always possible. Malcolm copes through his job, but that can be extremely dangerous, as I found out when I no longer had a job. You have to be able to stand on your own...without putting your chips into anything that you have the potential to lose. A job. A relationship. A certain home. A particular friend. 

What would happen if Malcolm no longer had his job? Or like...during this quarantine, for example...he wasn’t able to do it? 

I think Malcolm said it best when he said that he’s a mess, but he’s a functioning mess. Right now, I can’t make that same claim. There are peaks and valleys of dealing with anxiety on this level. There are moments - years - where I did wonderfully. And then there are moments like this - years - where I’m at the very lowest point possible. 

It’s a rollercoaster ride that you can’t get off. There are moments of progress and major setbacks. 

I realize that the show’s main focus isn’t Malcolm’s mental state - although it probably could be - but I think that there is more room for the show to delve into this ongoing battle more. 

I’m terrible at transitions at 12:37 am so I’ll just go on in saying that there’s another thing I, personally struggle with. My Dad has cancer. Terminal. And I often feel guilt. Guilt for not spending enough time with him or guilt because I don’t get along with him. We’re quite different people and he - in no way, shape, or form understands what my anxiety/PTSD is. Some of the most hurtful things ever said to me, were said by him. And it creates this dichotomy. On one hand, I love him - and on the other, he’s hurt me beyond measure. 

I think Malcolm feels this same dichotomy, only in a different way. His father’s a monster. He wants to hate him - part of him does. But part of him also loves him. There's guilt there. It’s the same type of guilt that I have, although it’s a different flavor - it exists for a different reason. 

I’m not really allowed to be mad at my dying father. Malcolm’s not really allowed to love his monster of a father. Etcetera, etcetera. Which I think is a fascinating bit of cognitive dissonance for the show to dissect.

So...that is my very lengthy and probably barely relevant analysis of the show through my mental health lens. 

There is such a stigma attached to mental health that I didn’t even want to admit I had a problem until I was eighteen, even though my struggles started a decade prior to that. The stigma is so difficult to get past. The questions you get asked are so intolerable and invasive at times. The progress forward can be so slow and painful. Still I try my best. And I realize this is just a show, but it’s a show that means a lot to me for obvious reasons.

There are those massive differences between real-life-me and TV character, Malcolm Bright.

Malcolm is beautiful. He’s wonderfully dressed and comes from money. He had enough money to attend one of the best Ivy League colleges and attain an amazing degree. He doesn’t have to worry about paying for meds or his therapist. He has meds that work for him. He has a fulfilling job that piques his interest and pays him enough to live off of. He has coworkers and a mother and a mentor who are there for him in a non-judgmental way. He is not the norm - but the exception. And it works for the show. 

I just hope that people know that having these issues is not thrilling or sexy. It doesn’t make me a more interesting person. And oftentimes, people who do suffer from these issues don’t have half the support or care that this character does. 

I hope that this show succeeds in getting the conversation about mental health started. I hope that the stigma around mental health begins to wane. And someday, I hope that mental healthcare will be available to everyone - no matter their social class or income.  

There’s a lot that this show can explore with Malcolm and his mental health journey and I hope that we get a season two so that it can. 

[scripttorture]

Hi, how are you? I hope you're having a great day. If it's not too much to ask, I read the articles you linked about child soldiers, and they were very helpful, but not exactly what I'm looking for.. Do you happen to have links of first account stories or diaries of child soldiers? Two lead characters in my wip have been child soldiers in multiple wars in their country. (The setting is light fantasy, think non-European medieval times) (Child soldiers ask/1)

(Childsoldiers ask/2) Theyserved their country, and outside of war time, they received militaryeducation but were under significantly less pressure and stress, sowhile they never felt patriotic toward their country, they didn’tfind a reason to leave yet. That is until they turned 15-16 and wereforced to fight in the front field, where they saw the brutality oftheir own country by themselves, they tried to escape right then andthere, – (Child soldiers ask/3)–but were Captured by the enemy and spent a few weeks doing forcedlabor in an enclosed camp, before they were sold into slavery andbecame house slaves for a nobleman of their country’s enemies. Theymake friends with a slave there, who with a story of his own, hastried multiple times to escape but was always captured, punished(whipped), and forced to work right away. (Child soldiers ask/4)Theyfinally escape when the nobleman’s child bride kills him on the veryfirst night and joins them in a long escape out of the country,before they were rescued by the other slave’s friends. The storydoesn’t go too far in terms of time span, they don’t finish a year inslavery and then after that they help out (but don’t participate inbattle) in another war, before the story ends, maybe another 6months. (Child soldiers ask/6)Sowhile I have the elements of their rehabilitation into the peacefulcivilian life completed, I’d like more in-depth information about howthey would personally feel in that situation. The girl feels a lot ofshame for leaving her country, but has no wishes to return until theyfix the system, while the boy absolutely hates it and – (Childsoldiers ask/7)–onlyfeels resentment for it because of the abuse he suffered, but that’sonly after they learn what normal children their age should be doingand how they’re treated. Symptoms of anxiety and PTSD are prominentin their lives, but should I add more? And would the abuse the boysuffered from be counted as torture? I know this is long so thanks inadvance for your patience :) (Child soldiers ask/8)

-

I don’t think you will find the kind of in-depth first hand accounts you’re looking for without paying for them. That said there are books by former child soldiers that might fit.

 I’m not aware of any diaries, most of these books were written years or decades after the fighting stopped. On a basic level I’m not sure many children that young keep a regular diary and many adult diarists have found it impossible to keep one going through a war.

 This is a research book based on interviews with child soldiers that I’m ordering (M Wessel’s Child Soldiers: From Violence to Protection). This one is a first hand account, I Beah A Long Way Gone. There’s also E Jal’s War Child: A Child Soldier’s Story. Girl Soldier co authored by G Akallo and F J H McDonnell might also be useful, it draws heavily on Akallo’s experience as a child soldier. Child Soldier by C Keitetsi may also be useful.

 I have not read any of these first hand accounts. I find it… telling that all of the detailed first hand accounts I can find in English are by Africans. The difficulty finding accounts from European and Asian child soldiers may reflect a bias in the publishing industry, or simply one in the search engine I’m using.

 Searching for the Khmer Rogue, recent conflicts in the Balkans and memoirs from Poland during world war two will probably all bring up more memoirs from child soldiers. However those available for free may be shorter and vaguer, while more detailed memoirs may be untranslated.

 You can also find accounts by using Amnesty International’s search function. There are 171 results relating to child soldiers. I have not read all of them and Amnesty’s interviews tend to be on the short side but these do contain useful first hand accounts.

 In terms of whether the characters ‘count’ as survivors- I think it’s important to remember that we’re talking about a purely legal distinction and I think you could argue the case either way.

 The UN declaration against torture says that to be torture something must cause severe pain or suffering. But it explicitly says that need not be physical. Something that is intended to cause mental distress (desecration of corpses or religious sites, forcing Hindus to eat beef or Muslims to eat pork, etc) can be defined as torture.

 I think that the systematic exploitation and bullying of a child by armed forces could count under modern law.

 However there’s no indication in this that these soldiers have been ordered to bully this child or that they’re doing it for one of the four very well defined motivations the UN declaration outlines.

 But the argument about whether it meets the strict legal definition seems like a distraction from the real question here which seems to be: ‘how traumatising is this scenario? Is the symptom level appropriate?’

 I think it could be however it’s unclear to me whether the characters are both suffering from PTSD and anxiety or whether one has PTSD and the other anxiety.

 I don’t think it’s a good idea to give all the survivors in your story the same symptoms. There is variety in survivors in real life. If you’re writing multiple survivors in the same story then it’s important to try and reflect that variety.

 Two symptoms seems like a perfectly reasonable level for the girl to me. It could also work for the boy. But personally if I was writing this scenario and trying to put forward the idea that the boy has lived through more I would give him more symptoms as well. If you are trying to establish something as ‘worse’ in the narrative then you should be prepared to back that up with consequences for the characters.

 The slave character, who has been tortured and forced to work for a relatively long time, should definitely have more then two symptoms. I think something more in the range of 3-5 would be appropriate.

 I get the impression from the other asks you’ve sent that you tend to consistently underestimate symptoms.

 Try not to look at symptoms as flaws or limiting factors on your characters. They are not things that you have to struggle to reduce.

 Try instead to think of them as opportunities for you, the author.

 Disability and mental illness should not be an insurmountable barrier to the plot. Because it is not an insurmountable barrier in most people’s lives.

 These things do create difficulties and problems, often problems that are socially constructed. But people who live with disabilities and mental illness find ways around these problems every day. This necessary creative thinking is an addition to any story.

 If your character is in a wheelchair and the important plot device is up a flight of stairs then that shouldn’t mean the character can’t succeed. Instead it means they need a different, less obvious, way to get what they need.

 And the solution you choose tells readers more about the character. They might build a device that lets them glide right to the top or plant explosives around the foundations and bring the tower down or hire someone to carry them up. Each of those solutions tells you something about the character as a person.

 Symptoms are like that. They are narrative opportunities.

 Think about why you’ve chosen PTSD and anxiety. Think about which character they work best with. Think about what those symptoms add.

 And consider the other common symptoms and the common memory problems your characters could have. Use them to create varied survivors with different responses.

 I worry any time I see an author say their character ‘only feels’ a particular emotion. Because this is never true for people. And while authors often mean ‘this character feels that particular emotion a lot’ sometimes they mean it literally.

 A well-written character is not one emotional note, whether they’re a survivor or not.

 Resentment towards the adults who exploited and hurt him isn’t unreasonable. Shame about the atrocities she was forced to participated in isn’t unusual.

 Think about how to build on these starting points.

 If the girl feels ashamed about what she did how does she feel about the people she left behind? Does she think they’re immoral or does she feel sympathy for them and the way they’ve been manipulated?

 Does the boy primarily resent the people or what happened to him? Does he associate everyone from his country with what he endured? If so does he view the country that enslaved him differently? Does he see the girl he’s escape with as an exception or does his view of his country effect how he sees her?

 Even if these emotions are experienced more often these characters should feel more then one thing. Think about what might prompt other feelings.

 If the girl is trapped in a depressive spiral what could pull her out of it for a while? Anger or defensiveness on behalf of her friend? An odd incident that prompts a laugh? Awe or pride at the realisation of how much she’s already done? Because by escaping an active army and enslavement in a foreign country she has already achieved much more then most.

 Similarly what could puncture the boy’s rage? What would shock him? What would make him cry?

 Is he holding on to anger because he’s afraid of what he might be or feel without it?

 A lot of this boils down to standard writing advice for any character: they should feel like complete people.

 That doesn’t mean they can’t be flawed, or wrong or missing something important in their lives. It means that they need to feel ‘real’; as if they have dreams and fears and personalities that are possible.

 Writing survivors is more complicated but that doesn’t mean the usual approaches to character creation don’t apply. Personal history or traumatic events shouldn’t replace a character’s personality, wants or worries.

 And that can be hard to write. Because you’ve got to do all the same work you would for a non-traumatised character, then add another layer of work on top of that.

 In fact it’s more then that, because you have to merge all these things and make it look seamless, effortless for the reader.

 I emphasised a lot of the planning and thinking part of character creation here. And that is important.

 But if you’re struggling with your confidence or character creation generally there is no substitute for practice.

 Give yourself permission to experiment, to learn, to get things wrong. This is part of everyone’s writing process.

 So yes, think, plan, search for opportunities with things like symptoms. But also practice. Write short scenes or stories. Write multiple versions of the same scene. Try out writing the same character with different symptoms to figure out which you like best.

 I hope that helps. :)

Availableon Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[thedistantstorm]

The Lion’s Heart 11

A shield, she realizes. The Traveler has gifted me a shield. I am a Defender: the last, lonely sentinel.

The tale of a different kind of Guardian: one who does not want the accolade of saving the world, who does not understand why she would be chosen to wield the Light remaining in the Shard. Once a reckless, dazzling Striker, the Traveler’s chosen is reborn a silent Sentinel. This is Kira’s story; About bringing people together, reclaiming their city, and overcoming the darkness despite it all.

Titans | Vanguard Mentors | Heavy Angst | PTSD | Descriptions of Light | Loss of Light | Canon-typical Violence | Heroes of Necessity | Canon Compliant | The Red War

Note: this chapter does feature some pretty heavy PTSD and panic-attack related themes. If that sort of thing bothers you, please tread carefully.

Previous Parts: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10

-/

The fire is warm against the dampness of the surrounding forest. It licks little flares of yellow-orange against the white, scratched metal of her boots. Fall is waning; Tyra told her earlier that she thinks it will snow tonight.

Everyone who comes through this part of the Farm is wrapped in furs or blankets, trying to stave off the bitter chill.

Kira isn't cold though, sitting on the far left side of a bench. Partly because of the fire, sure. But partially because of the woman beside her, tucked under her arm, slouching against her chest.

She'd been there, in the barn that doubled as their command center when the word came in. Watched Hawthorne take the news - news that had Zavala stop what he was doing, dispatch the team he was working with in short order. Hawthorne did not stutter or shake, her back ramrod straight, immediately asked for the names of any family left behind by the men they'd lost in the fray. After, she turned back to what she was doing as if the affair hadn't happened at all.

An entire team. Ten men. Her best. They'd stood no chance against the Elite Centurion, Thumos ‘the Unbroken.’

Hawthorne had personally selected them. Had been the one to order them to gather information on Ghaul's chosen. To take him down, if they could. One less thing for their Guardian friend to do.

Kira had been a Guardian under Zavala's tutelage long enough to know the feeling that eclipses a room at the knowledge someone's sent another to their death. But Zavala, though hard he takes his losses, is experienced in the bitterness of the art. He coughed. 

Cinnamon met cerulean. His eyes had flicked pointedly to the door.

She nodded in reply, letting herself out. Hawthorne's first, rebellious sob just barely reached her ears as she closed it behind her. 

Now, sitting in the dark, no one will ever know if she’d been crying - Zavala would never confirm it, and Hawthorne will never tell. Her eyes bore dark and heavy into the fire, looking for answers that would never come.

On the other side of them both, Zavala sits pensively, eyes watching the perimeter, silent and strong. It should be peaceful, this moment, Kira thinks. But it's not. 

She's angry. Angry that the Cabal continue to kill and maim. Angry that people like Hawthorne - people who aren't soldiers, who answered the call to protect their protectors when they needed to be saved - are forced to make these decisions, to have the lives of others burdened upon their shoulders.

“Zavala.”

Hawthorne does not flinch at the sound of Kira’s voice, spoken almost directly into her ear. It's strong, though it burns her throat to speak. Blue eyes blink her way, looking over the ridge of Hawthorne's hood. To Kira, he’s always been ‘The Commander’ or 'sir.’ This is serious, she's saying without as many words. Their eyes meet.

“I'm going to kill him,” Kira says. “Thumos.”

Zavala holds her gaze for a long moment. Finally, he nods. “Good.”

His eyes return to scanning the darkness of the treeline. Kira feels the muscles of the arm - Hawthorne's - under her fingertips pull taut. The fire pops, and Kira sees where pale blue and brown skin meet. He’s holding her hand, Kira realizes. She watches his fingers twitch in an answering squeeze.

Maybe some good will come of this war, she dares to think.

-/

Much later, when Kira's startled awake by sounds across the fire, she sees that Cayde and Ikora have joined them. Hawthorne no longer leans against her. Her hands are folded plainly in her lap, and her dark brown eyes are on the flames.

“Amanda says she’s got whatever air support we need,” Cayde is saying, on a perpendicular bench to Zavala's left. “Managed to tune up quite a few sparrows, too.”

“She’s done excellent work,” Zavala answers. “We’ll need them if a direct assault on the City is ever going to work.”

“I still think a direct assault on the City is bound to fail. Lightless Guardians are skilled, Zavala, but not used to fighting so carefully,” Ikora counters. She makes no comment on the survivors or Hawthorne’s scouts, who make up a large contingent of the forces. She discredits them, Kira realizes.

“Well, bet our Guardian could probably do a number on 'em,” Cayde supplies helpfully. “Then we clean up what's left.”

That leaves Suraya scoffing into the fire.

“I don't remember asking for your opinion,” Comes the voice of the Warlock Vanguard, wary of the outsider. Kira bristles, but Hawthorne does not rise to the bait. 

Silence falls over them.

“Guess not,” Hawthorne agrees, after a time. Kira knows the tone of that voice - it's the same one that she'd used when Zavala's broadcast had them dropping everything to go to Titan. The other woman's feelings are hurt, not that she'd ever admit it. “Excuse me.”

Zavala follows her with his eyes as she walks away. Kira's fingers ball into fists.

“She is good counsel,” The Commander states, levelly, when Hawthorne is well out of earshot. Diplomatic, always. “An ally we need.”

“A means to an end. We are grateful for her services in our time of despair, but… We're here now. Together, Zavala." Ikora's golden eyes still have that same half desperate, half self-preserving sheen to them Kira had seen on Io. "She is not what we need.” Her words echo tauntingly in the young Titan's mind.

Kira rises to her feet before she truly thinks about it, her voice shaking, tight fists making her gloves grit together meanly. There’s a buzzing in her brain. “And what do you know about what we need?”

Ikora leans back and regards her coolly.

“Kira,” Zavala warns, like a disappointed parent.

The Warlock waves him off. Smiles even, saccharine. “If there's something you have to say, Guardian, by all means…”

Cayde crosses his arms, slouching against the back of the bench. Kira fights back some of her fury. “You're discrediting her and the rest of the non-Guardians. You haven't been here, so don't pretend to know.”

Her Ghost flickers into the space over her shoulder, watching her irises dart back and forth wildly. 

“So now you find your voice,” Cayde drawls, tone breezy, but his optics hard. “Couldn't even say a word to me when ya found me on Nessus. I'm hurt. I get you're pissed and all, kid, but the Vanguard is more than capable of handling things.”

“Cayde, enough.” Ikora's steady gaze turns to the outspoken woman. “I know we have to take back the Traveler, Kira. The Cabal could wipe out our Sun. They could kill us all. Civilians will only-”

The Titan shakes her head, furious, interrupting, “These people have been fighting for their lives since the Cabal attack, not skulking around Io bitching about their Fireteam leader.”

“Kira!” Zavala barks, nearly a yell. “Stop this at once!”

It's too late. The damage is done. Ikora all but bellows, “How dare you! I was searching for answers, trying to find a way to save us!”

Kira snarls back, unyielding,“‘What good is a resistance when you are the only one who would survive?’” 

Zavala blinks, looking from one woman to the other. “What?”

Ikora remains silent.

Kira's eyes are ablaze with barely restrained fury. “Tell him,” She growls at the Warlock mentor. Ikora still doesn’t speak, so Kira explains, “That’s what you said to me when we told you about the resistance.”

A glance in Zavala’s direction reveals his expression to be carefully constructed, both stoic and blank. “I didn't mean it that way,” Ikora refutes, but she’s saying it to her Fireteam leader, not to the young Titan beside him.

“Yes,” She presses, “You did. You weren't looking for a way to save any of us. You were praying to whatever was left of the Traveler's influence on Io to try and save you.”

There is a dangerous quake to the other woman's voice as her gold eyes sweep back to the Traveler’s chosen. “Do not put words in my mouth, Guardian. The Cabal will not stop with Earth. They will take everything. I want to stop Ghaul just as badly as you do.”

“Then go up to the Almighty and get him,” Kira challenges. Her nostrils flare and her chest heaves. Her eyes flash from Cayde, to Ikora, and even Zavala, who regards her warily. Her stance is firm, though there is only white noise and seething static in her brain, and the anger she's bottled up is thrashing about inside her like a bull in a china shop, demanding a way out. The Titan cannot help it, cannot deny the truth. She's furious with them. They - she, the common folk, the Guardians left behind - needed the Vanguard and the Vanguard wasn't there for them. ��All of you.”

Ikora fidgets, prickly and uncomfortable. Zavala initially blinks in surprise at her vehement words. Clearly he had not expected to draw her ire as well. Then, as if accepting his fate, he leans forward, steeples his fingers to frame his lips, and rests his elbows on his knees as he thinks.

“Let’s not be hasty, kid,” Cayde calls out. His nonchalance suggests she’s asked them to take a casual stroll, not take a trip up to see the warmonger responsible for their imminent mortality and displacement. His words, however, contradict his tone. “There’s no way we’d stand a chance mano-a-mano with him doing… whatever he’s doing with our Light.”

“If it comes to it,” Zavala interjects, “We will.”

“You mean, after he kills me first.” His head whips over to her, incredulously. Her increasingly raspy voice is heavy in her anger. “What? It’s the truth. Light or not, I don’t fancy living through a second shove off the Almighty.”

“Yeah, yeah, we get it,” Cayde concludes. “You don’t want to go up there.”

“I'm not kidding,” Kira answers tersely. “When they caged the Traveler,” She offers a twisted smile, like the concept itself is something hysterical, “I had just made it out. Dismantled the shields on the Almighty, like I was told to do. I was…” Her eyes unfocus and then focus again on something not there, a fragment of a memory, “Standing,” She muses softer, “Right in front of him.” Her lips purse so they don’t tremble and her ears ring with white noise. “‘You’re not brave,’ he said. ‘You’ve merely forgotten the fear of death. Ah-allow me-’”

Ghost flutters helplessly next to her. “Kira,” He whispers, drawing her focus. “You don’t have to - You don’t owe them this,” He says, finally.

And maybe she doesn’t, she thinks distantly. But the moment she started speaking, the moment she started saying this, she lost the power to stop. The words have been bubbling up for a while now, and now that she’s started, they have to be let out. They have to.

“I realized there was no way Amanda was coming back for me,” She redirects, not looking at her audience. They're hanging on every increasingly alarming word. “He kicked us to the edge of the flight deck and I… I tried to save him,” She looks at her Ghost, “But I couldn’t reach him before he went over the edge-” Her eyes close and her voice wavers, hoarse from her outburst and from staving off tears. “I figured he’d kill me off up there, show me his might and call it a day,” She stares down Ikora, then Cayde, who looks down and away. “He made a big show of it, told me his name,” Zavala’s eyes are drilling holes into her, seeing through the cinnamon flecks of her irises, she swears it. “‘I am Ghaul,’ he said. ‘And your Light is mine.’ Then he… put his boot to my head and kicked me off the edge.” Her eyes widen ever so slightly. “I… remember the fall. And the impact.” From the corner of her eye, she notices Zavala’s eyes finally leave her face, reasonably ashamed. Her voice catches. “And seeing all of the people we couldn’t save. Things that-”

He reaches out a hand to grab her wrist. She jerks away. “Don’t,” She says, angered this time by his coddling. “Don’t touch me.”

“Sit down, then,” He tries instead. His voice is low, as if he’s speaking to a wounded animal. “You’re shaking.”

“Yes,” She agrees, viciously yelling, “Because while the three of you-” Her sharp inhale is a bit like a gasp, as if she’s woke up from a dream only to find out that the dream itself is real; That she’s been sleep walking. Panic rushes over her as if she’s been doused with a bucket of icy water. She should have just followed after Hawthorne, she thinks frantically. She never should have said this, she berates herself internally, she never should have- 

“Finish it,” Ikora snarls, and if the tone of her voice could kill, Kira's sure she'd be dead already.

“While the three of you-” Her eyelids flutter and Zavala slides down the bench just a little, clearly concerned that she’s going to keel over, pass out, “Were out there on your own, doing… whatever you thought was best, people were dying here.”

“I know that, Kira,” Zavala offers, carefully. “They do, too.”

She shakes her head, disagreeing, despite Zavala’s very steady gaze boring into her eyes, all but telling her ‘not now, not here,’ willing her to calm down, to stay quiet. Her voice is too gravelly, too raw to continue ranting, and her shaking is a constant, uncomfortable feeling that rattles outward from her chest. 

She can’t do this, she tells herself. She can’t look at them. Hawthorne had explained it to her as anxiety, when she’d noticed Kira’s behavior, nearly a month ago. Panic. It bubbles up in the cracks of her soul and tries to suffocate her. At the thought, she looks to her Ghost. Get me out of here, she thinks to him. 

He tips his shell sideways slightly as he regards her, then bobs. “C’mon,” He hums easily. “I think it’s about time we go.”

“I’ll say. I think it’s past the little lion’s bedtime,” Cayde jokes, trying to lighten the mood.

Her Ghost rounds on him fast enough to make Sundance spark into existence between her Guardian and the Titan’s provoked Ghost. Kira’s shoulders round for only a breath, long enough for the rest to see. “Leave it,” She says, softly, coughing at the rough tickle of her throat. It's only part of the price she'll pay for saying too much. She sags after a few more harsh breaths, more mentally exhausted than she's ever felt.

They turn from the campfire, and she hears the sound of metal armor moving from the bench. She shakes her head, not quite looking back over her shoulder. Her chest feels like it's shaking, pinpricks of anger and fear and feelings she can't truly process or comprehend. “Please,” She begs of him, feeling the tears well up. She knows he's disappointed, but she can't take anymore. It hurts and she's so angry. He falls still.  “Don't follow me.”

"Kira-"

"Please."

[sebeth]

Legion Of Super-Heroes #13

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

 “State Of The Universe” by Keith Giffen, Tom & Mary Bierbaum, and Al Gordon

 The issue opens with the continuation of the Shakespeare – Persuader brawl.

A few children in the pediatric wing of Quarantine worry over Shakespeare. Garridan, the son of Saturn Girl and Lightning Lad, comforts Ivy: “He’s gonna be all right, Ivy. I just know he is. My dad says Legionnaires are real strong. Like they’re real, real hard to kill.”

Garridan is dressed in an adorable version of Colossal Boy’s silver age costume. I wonder if Gim is Garridan’s favorite Legionnaire?

Speaking of Gim, he has arrived at Quarantine and is working with the Science Police to find a way to evacuate patients near the Shakespeare/Persuader brawl.

Gim and Kent unintentionally tag-team the Persauder, causing his capture.

A great introduction for Richard Kent Shakespeare and a nice way to touch in with Garridan, Gim, and the Persuader.

I wouldn’t mind seeing a more of this mature, self-confident, and comfortable in his career Gim.

The Persuader is the second member of the Fatal Five that we have seen in this volume. We’ll see more members later on.

In orbit above Earth: Circe has been called to task by the Dominators – they want damage control, they want results, and they want it now: “When we gave you effective control of Science Police Earth, allowed you to shape Earthgov’s public relations strategy, we expected results. It is time for you to demonstrate that our faith in you was not misplaced…Madame Circe, when you procured the services of Dirk Morgna, you assured us the Earthers would believe anything the ex-Legionnaires told them. We are now holding you to that promise.”

The Darzyl System: Mano, another member of the Fatal Five, reports to Starfinger that the Persuader has failed in his assassination attempt.

Starfinger isn’t happy. It’s not a good day for criminal overlords.

Back to Quarantine.

Science Police Chief Gigi Cusimano credits the Persuader’s arrest to Kent Shakespeare: “If you ask me, the Legion is sorely missed.”

Gigi was a supporting cast member in the Legion’s Baxter series.

Gim offers Kent a lift to Toonar. It’s as close to Winath as Gim can take Kent: “That is, if you’re ready to turn in your scrubs to get back into a Legion uniform.”

“To be honest, I couldn’t get out of here a moment too soon. Once I heard the Legion might re-form, I’ve just been counting the days. Of course, some of the kids out here…it’ll just tear out my heart to leave them. I haven’t even worked up the courage to tell them yet.”

A spying Ivy is devastated to hear Kent’s plans to leave.

An isolated farm on Khundia: a confused Jo deals with an equally bewildered Khund: “You don’t look like a Khund yet you are not a master. You are soft-looking like a Khundish girl, but you have the voice of a man.”

Only a Khund would think Jo, of all people, would have a feminine appearance!

Jo appreciates the wife of the Khund man making a stew for him. The Khunder officer states the stew appreciation is another clear sign of Jo’s brain damage.

Two Dominators, without the trademark head discs, land on the property. Jo uses his ultra-speed to rapidly leave the property: “Bloody liberty! Dominators! I didn’t recognize them without their head discs! A couple of Khund cud-chewers I can handle. But the Dominion? This is getting real weird!”

Jo muses to himself: “Khunds and Dominators together?! Cats and dogs maybe, but Khunds and Dominators? I must be on the Frontier…some world on the fringe of both spheres of influence, maybe? Or maybe U.P. Intelligence is out to lunch, Maybe the Khunds and Dominators aren’t the blood enemies they’re supposed to be. Where the blazes did Roxxas send me?”

For those unfamiliar with the Dominators:  Dominators are a caste-defined society. The size of the red dot in the middle of the forehead indicates their status in the society. The bigger the dot, the higher the status. If a Dominator, doesn’t have a dot, he would be the lowest of the low in the society. A dot can be surgically made smaller or scraped off entirely if the Dominator has lost status in his society.

The Toonar Spaceport: Kent remembers his farewell conversation with Ivy. He attempts to reassure her that he loves her and will be back. It doesn’t go well and ends with Ivy stating: “I hope you die on your first mission.”

Children, so dramatic!

Deep space: Laurel curb stomps some Khunds. She deeply regrets not being on Winath during the battle with Roxxas. “If only I’d just stayed on Winath in the first place instead of running back to Zirr every two days to see how Lauren is doing. Baby daughter or no, I can’t ever forget my responsibilities as a Legionnaire.”

Laurel faces the modern dilemma of many women: motherhood vs career.

The Collingwood Inn on Gnogg: The bald head prosthetic Tenzil shoved on Brek’s head during his Earthgov trial is not coming off. Brek is quite put out and wants it off ASAP.

Tenzil: “Well then, I guess there’s only one thing left to try, now hold still!”

“Ow…ow! That’s my hair, you moron!”

“Hey! What’s going on in here?”

“My god! He’s eating that man’s head!”

“It’s okay! It’s okay! I’m a senator!”

“I’m a senator” is Tenzil’s defense for all of his shenanigans.

Winath: Rokk researches options for the new Legion’s headquarters: “There just isn’t enough room on Brande’s planetoid. And we couldn’t risk bringing down an attack on the U.P. Council, so we gotta stay clear of Weber’s World. But by the same token, we sure as heck gotta get off Winath before someone else attacks the plantation”.

Garth interrupts – he and Rokk were supposed to get in a round of links.

“So what’s the big headache? You need a new headquarters? How’s that a problem?”

“Things aren’t so simple anymore, Garth. The Legion doesn’t have the kind of friends it used to.”

“Well, you’ve still got one friend you can count on. Consider your headquarters problem solved.”

“You don’t mean here? We really couldn’t stay.”

“No, no…I’ve got something a little better suited to your needs, Rokk. Trust me.”

Before Garth can reveal the location of the new headquarters, he spies Furrball (Brin) in a hallway: “Hey, look who just wandered in! I guess Kono’s going to be relieved!”

Brin wanders past an arguing Querl and Celeste: “I’m fine! So I have a tendency to glow green. So what? Green’s a lovely color. You should appreciate that more than anyone.”

Kono encounters Brin: “There you are, you big stupid furball! What the Nykx do you think you’re doing, disappearing on us for days like that? I don’t know whether to hug you or kick your stupid butt to Tombor.

Violet overhears Kono’s dressing down of Brin: “She can sure dish it out! Wish I had her brass when I was that age. But I didn’t come down here to admire out latest Firebrand. I’ve been putting this off long enough. It’s time to take care of business.

Violet enters the room and asks Rokk if he “has a sec”. Garth hastily excuses himself.

If you haven’t read the “5 Years Later” series, Rokk and Violet’s home planets, Brall and Imsk, went to war during the five-year gap between the Baxter series and the present series.

Violet voluntarily joined her planet’s military during the war, Rokk was drafted.

Imsk’s military scientists created a doomsday weapon to use against the Braalians. Violet served as the chief of security during the project’s development. Violet protested the actual use of the weapon.

The weapon is deployed. Rokk is onsite at the weapon’s deployment at Venado Bay. The weapon strips Brallians of their native magnetic abilities. It also causes death and dismemberment.

Rokk loses his abilites and is badly injured and deeply traumatized in the immediate aftermath of the weapon’s deployment. Violet is also there – she is deeply appalled at the carnage she witnesses. Violet recognizes Rokk and approaches him.

The badly injured Rokk does not recognize Violet and lashes out, causing her to lose an eye and suffer facial scarring.

Violet is imprisoned by the Imskian military for her protests and refusal to take back her criticism of the weapon and its deployment.

Rokk and Violet both suffer long-term PTSD from the events of Venado Bay and the war in general.

Back to the present day.

The duo awkwardly attempts to start a conversation.

Rokk begins: “Look, Vi, I know you’re upset. And you have every right to be. All those months you spent in prison, protesting Venado Bay, and I didn’t even have the courage to thank you. I don’t know what my problem was. I guess I was afraid you’d never forgive Braal for attacking your planet. Or forgive me for so blindly obeying Braal’s lousy leadership.”

“Rokk, don’t…I’m the one who should be apologizing…I’m the one…who helped kill all those…god.”

“’C’mon, Vi. It’s gonna be okay.”

“I told…I told myself I wasn’t going to fall apart like this…”

“You’re entitled.”

By the end of the conversation, both Rokk and Violet are crying.

One of my favorite moments in the series. Neither Rokk nor Violet magically healed their PTSD or emotional trauma but they’re on the road to healing.

Kathoon: A heavily pregnant Lydda is reading a letter from Rokk: “You know, Lydda, that woman has never forgiven herself for just doing her duty. Did I mention the scar she has over her eye? Vi told me she got it over her eye? Vi told me she got it at Venado Bay. She say’s she’s never having it removed. She never wants to forget what happened there. What she did. It just made me want to keep hugging her until the whole thing disappeared forever. But I guess Venado Bay will never go away. It’ll always be with us. Both of us.”

It’s safe to assume Violet didn’t inform Rokk that he caused the scar. Violet correctly assumed the revelation would only add more guilt to the emotional turmoil caused by Venado Bay.

The “hugging” line adds another dimension to Rokk’s character. Starting with the 5 Year Later series and continuing through the reboot, the three-boot, and the retro-boot, Rokk has been portrayed as the serious, no-nonsense, all business leader of the Legion. It’s nice to see a sweet, comforting side of Rokk.

The letter continues: “Now that we’ve finally nailed Roxxas, I’ve got to get going on the arrangements for Blok’s memorial. Brainy says it’s too soon to make it a double ceremony so we haven’t completely given up hope on Jo yet. But damn, it’s hard to get over Blok. I guess I never realized how important he was to us all until he was gone.”

Rokk ends his letter with “It really is happening. Uniforms, headquarters, roll call. The Legion is officially back.”

Lydda excitedly yells “All right!”

The next few pages consist of a Brande Industries Memo from Marla Latham to Reep Daggle.

Volume 1: Disposition Of Known Universe

Currently the known universe is divided into these political entitites.

1)      The Khundish Empire, 32%

2)      Independent, unaffiliated, disorganized, 29%

3)      United Planets, 24%

4)      The Dominion, 9%

The memo states Khunds have conquered Lallor, Sklar, Tsauran, and Rann.

The Dominion is in a state of collapse “as worlds on the fringe continue to achieve independence”.

The memo notes the Dominion’s attempt to enslave the now-decimated Daxamite race and the “alleged secret domination of Earthgov”.

The extent of the Dark Circle remains unknown but may be as large as the Khundish empire.

Volume 2: Growing Threats

1)      Mordru

2)      Glorith

The memo notes the “destruction of magic at the conclusion of the Mystic Wars have proven totally erroneous. While the greatest known nexus of Magic was destroyed with the old Sorcerers’ World, many known ‘sympathetic points’ remain, most notably Tharn, the new Sorcerers’ World, as well as Orando and Venegar.

Volume 3: The United Planets

1)      Current operations include “directing traffic, organizing defense, and enforcing the rules of the Recovery Initiative”

2)      Compliance remains low, U.P. membership is still far below pre-Collapse levels

3)      U.P. Militia has gained respectability as a barrier to Khundish encroachment

4)      The critical blow to the U.P.’s collapse was the secession of Earth

5)      The United Planets and the Science Police have relocated to Weber’s World

6)      The corruption of Science Police Earth has undermined the credibility of all S.P. agencies

7)      Organized crime has flourished.

8)      Molock Hanscomb (Starfinger) of Darzyl is the most powerful figure in the underworld.

9)      Leland McCauley III has emerged as the richest businessman in the United Planets. Rumors suggest that Leland McCauley IV has wrested control of the business from his father.

Volume 4: Earth

1)      “With poverty and paranoia flourishing on Earth in the wake of the Great Collapse, that planet has lapsed into a period of uncharacteristic xenophobia and acquiescence to authoritarian rule. It is now alleged that the population has been manipulated and covertly ruled by the Dominion.”

2)      Resistant forces have opposed Earthgov since 2990.

We end with an interlude featuring Glorith and the Time Trapper.

The Trapper informs Glorith of the “timelines that proceeded yours…what you owe me.”

He further reveals that “Mon-El obliterated my form, not my essence. All that was destroyed were my works.”

The Trapper and Glorith are referring to events that took place in issues #4 – 5.

Trapper continues: “I’ve seen how you performed my acts, lived my life to frustrate that poor fool Mordru once again. How you’ve become the new Time Trapper…but understand this, without me you can lose everything.”

Trapper issues the traditional “without me, you will fail but together we can rule the universe” speech.

Glorith rejects the offer, devolves Trapper into protoplasm and absorbs his essence. I don’t feel bad for Trapper as he did the same thing to Glorith in the Silver Age.

Glorith decides now is the perfect time to conquer the universe.

A great issue that wraps up the previous plot lines and sets up future storylines. The issue is a terrific example on how to handle a large cast – we checked in with 14 Legionnaires and 5 sets of villains.

[moonaft]

Night and Silence

Rosemary and Rue

A Local Habitation

An Artificial Night

Late Eclipses

One Salt Sea

Ashes of Honor

Chimes At Midnight

Interlude : Full of Briers

The Winter Long

A Red-Rose Chain

Once Broken Faith

Interlude : Dreams and Slumbers

The Brightest Fell

Interlude : Of Things Unknown

I read this the day after Halloween. 

Spoilers up to Night and Silence and October 2018 for the Patreon stories.

To answer a question from the book summary: who remembers about Gillian?

Well...

Simon Torquill, obviously. Evening. Raysel. Sylvester, Luna, and the staff of Shadowed Hills 20 years ago. Most of Toby’s allies, including Quentin and his parents. The Lordens. The Luidaeg. Several of the night haunts. Brucer and probably some other people from Home. The SF police department. Literally any one who was listening at the elf-shot conclave. 

In short, there’s a lot of people who know about Gillian.

Anyways, onto the main story. 

Does Faerie not have therapists? If you can go away for a hundred years and come back fine, you probably don’t need therapists. Danny is the closest Toby’s got. 

It’s good that Tybalt doesn’t blame Toby for her mother’s actions. 

Back to therapy with Danny and Quentin after catching the flying pig-hedgehogs. Point of clarification: deposing Rhys is not treason because Toby never swore to him.

“No longer the custom to greet those of no family name with the name of their species” - Is that why Simon called May “Milady Fetch” last book? And mixed bloods and changelings would have it rough. “Milady Siren-Sea Wight-Banshee” for the false Queen? 

Nolan seems to be settling in well. 

Dianda would be an excellent mother-in-law, just saying. 

Hi May! Sounds like both Jazz and Tybalt have major depression and PTSD from last book. Poor Jazz, poor Tybalt. 

Hi Cliff!

And Cliff has turned to stalking now? At least Miranda knows that she’s stepped too far. 

At least Gillian is an adult now and can visit her estranged mother if she wants to, assuming she survives this. Poor Gillian. 

Yes, May usually doesn’t get to go on field trips. She’s not missing this one.

Poor Raj. The fallout from The Brightest Fell is hitting everyone hard. 

Has Arden actually talked to Toby about shifting loyalties before, or is that what Toby thinks is coming next?

I really hope this isn’t Simon’s work. 

Toby has a fan! I knew there must be fae out there who look up to her!

Well, those marshwater charms aren’t suspicious at all... At least Jocelyn isn’t affected. I wonder if it’s like iron for the fae. 

Hi Bridget! Who else in the cast of characters are we going to get today? Berkeley means Walther and probably Jack the grad student, and then maybe April? Or Mags?

Nicely done on the magic, Toby. I wonder if the red hair is the color of fox fur? 

Don’t swallow glass, Toby, it’s not good for you. 

Poor Gillian. 

OK, they found a weird pocket dimension. Not what I was expecting. 

Do Quentin and May see something different than Toby? She sees only one house.

Weird chicken house is weird. 

Confirmed that April is no longer the Countess of Tamed Lightning. I guess she could take over if her mothers wanted to take a long vacation.

“Get your fuzzy butts over here” - Toby, that’s still not how we talk about royalty. I hope Shade will be amused. 

Is cinnamon Jocelyn’s magic scent? It’s certainly not close to Simon’s. 

Hi Arden! What do you mean, you’re not supposed to be here? Not even going to Annwn triggered that response. 

So the fae did come to North America before the Europeans, or at least before the 19th century. 

So Shade rules the Court of Golden Cats, which isn’t really part of the Court of Dreaming Cats. This really doesn’t jive with how Tybalt and Colleen were in London.

Jocelyn, I had such high hopes for you. 

I love Toby pretending to be Jocelyn’s mom and I don’t know why. 

Jocelyn, no. Don’t do this. 

Weird house #2. I’m over 1/3 of the way through this book, why has no one brought up the Luidaeg yet?  

That must be terrifying for Marlis - “hey sis, can you check on the false queen who is still sleeping in your basement? No reason.” 

I bet it’s some sort of illusion magic, making Toby think it’s the false queen, like Oleander did. Or maybe Simon could grab the false queen’s blood to do magic. 

Yeah, that’s not Gillian.

So that’s not another doppleganger...

Baobhan Sidhe, that was mentioned in April’s interlude. 

Hi Tybalt! And Toby’s covered in blood again.

Are Baobhan Sidhe Maeve’s bloodworkers? Or does Titania or Oberon get two bloodworking races? Water can be used for illusion magic, sometimes. 

The last time they couldn’t get in contact with Dean, Evening had returned. That’s not good. 

So Toby got attacked by a vampire, fun. 

Has Goldengreen become a replacement Home? Marcia is good. I remain curious about how much the war against the merlins is common knowledge, she seems to know a lot about it. 

Marcia, can you lend Toby some non-blood-covered clothes? Please?

The “long lost estranged sister” card can only played once, Toby. I guess if you ever need to explain August to them, she can be your cousin, the daughter of your “Uncle” Simon. 

Fuck off, Miranda. 

She has a fae-repealing thorn, what the hell? 

She’s her grandmother??? And Janet - that’s Janet Carter who broke Maeve’s Ride, for sure. Amandine’s mother is Janet Carter, makes sense. And completely josses the idea of any non-Three-derived fae, ok. Everyone’s fae or human or both, no aliens here. 

May’s right, there’s something disturbing about Janet’s relationship with Cliff, her granddaughter’s ex-fiancee, and the father of her great-granddaughter. 

Clearly Janet hasn’t been paying attention to recent news. 

It sounds like Amandine went with the Torquill boys to California, if Janet’s been there long enough that Gilad’s parents knew about the spot. She followed Amandine, after Amandine followed the twins. 

Dammit Toby, you need to tell Quentin his mother was a changeling. This is Sylvester all over again. 

So breaking the Ride led to Faerie being sealed away? So Janet breaks the ride, Maeve curses Janet, she leaves?, and Oberon seals the deeper lands and leaves as well. Titania is not mentioned at this point in the story. 

Or, the Luidaeg implies she’s still there for the Ride? At least, Titania is not implied to be missing at this point. 

Tam Lin was going to go somewhere - or, he was going to die to feed Faerie, and then Maeve had to go instead, except it wasn’t death for her. If humans are sealed in deeper Faerie, that might kill them but not one of the Three. And then Maeve was gone, but Titania wasn’t or Faerie would have been thrown out of whack before the Ride. 

So what did Maeve do to Titania in response to the Luidaeg’s binding? 

Janet is reminding me of August here.

Tam Lin would get a peaceful death, I hope Maeve isn’t actually dead. 

Yeah, it’s implied that Maeve could come back one day. 

So there isn’t a geass on the world to make it forget about Dawn. Toby remembers that Dawn existed! Not enough to ask about why Evening pretended Dawn was her sister, and clearly neither Patrick nor Sylvester are bothering to ask why. So who killed Dawn? 

Who constructed the old knowe? 

“...whose only job is constructing life-threatening situations.” Sounds right, Quentin. 

Hi vampire lady!

And May and Quentin are elf-shot. Again. 

Poor Gillian, elf-shot again. 

Yes, please, go get Dianda. Toby has so many allies these days. 

How old are these kids? Gillian was what, four, when Toby went into the pond? She’s out fourteen years later, and it’s been four years since then. She should be twenty two or so. If Jocelyn’s the same age, Home closed when she was eighteen. Toby went to Home when she was twenty five, but Dare and Manuel were twelve, I think. Jocelyn wasn’t too young, in that case. I don’t think Home had an age limit. 

DUGAN’S NOT DEAD??? My God. 

Hi Kennis! Toby has a new ally.

Hi Dianda, Patrick and Sylvester. Good to see you all awake, unharmed and ready to help. 

So is Dawn Evening’s changeling granddaughter turned pureblood? I’m not getting the sense that Evening ever had changeling kids. Maybe Dawn is a former changeling and Evening’s daughter?

ARE YOU SERIOUS? They’re ALL human descended? It’s not just Maida, Aethlin is descended in part from a human? And Septiminus is Evening’s grandson, so either he or his parent was a changeling-turned-pureblood? It’s not just the twins? Unless the family name came from Glynis? And Dugan too!

The Merrows’ Firstborn is the child of Titania and a human, but not all Merrow are Lordens, so there’s another human in the Saltmist family’s history. Toby, why aren’t you reacting to this? Gillian, I know. But this is important!! 

Where are all these hope chests?

Oh, poor Gillian. Poor Toby.

Is Dugan working for Evening? Or maybe Simon? 

Plasedon’tbeSimonpleasedon’tbeSimon - ok, it’s Dugan, or maybe Simon pretending to be Dugan. 

Whoops, there he is again. Played your last card there, Dugan. 

At least Cliff is taking the lies well. I’m not sure Gillian’s going to understand the whole Amandine-August-Simon-Evening thing. 

Hi Siwan! Toby, if you ever piss off Arden too much, you can hang out in Portland. It’ll be fine. 

Hi Jolgier! This should be a good solution. Though shouldn’t Shade take charge? Well, seven years should be enough to put Raj on the throne. 

Maybe Dean can make Goldengreen into the new Home. Marcia’s already halfway there. 

Interlude: Suffer a Sea-change

Oh poor Gillian. 

This is taking place right before Christmas, that sucks. 

Yes, punch Jocelyn in the throat. You are going to like Dianda, maybe you can hang out at Goldengreen with Dean. 

She doesn’t remember the Luidaeg at all. 

OK, whatever Miranda’s line needs to do, it’s related to the fae blood they have. Gillian isn’t bound why whatever Amandine, August or Toby need to do. Is it taking Maeve’s place in eternal sleep? 

Poppy gets to go fight spiders, apparently. Good to know she’s doing well. 

Hi Firtha, sorry you’re dead. You seem cool. 

Oh poor Toby and Gillian. She never knew how much Toby cares for her. 

I do appreciate having Gillian’s POV on all this. Wonder what’s going to happen when she gets the cliffsnotes version of the entire series?

Gillian, you are the best. 

Hello Miranda, it is very creepy you married the ex-fiance of your granddaughter and the father of your great-granddaughter. I think you wanted a second chance to raise your daughter since Amandine pushed you away. 

Oh shit, she’s dead again. 

Wait, no, she’s ok. I think the skin is invisible outside of Faerie but she doesn’t know it yet. 

Aw, Poppy’s apprenticed to the Luidaeg! 

Yep, the Luidaeg is terrifying but Gillian doesn’t have the old tales to know what the rest of Faerie thinks. 

Yeah, Gillian can’t outrun the elfshot by being Selkie for a hundred years because I’m pretty sure there won’t be Selkies in another year, depending on what the bargain is. 

Look Miranda, you’re getting off easy at the moment. You’re also acting like a homophobic mother whose daughter just came out and can’t reconcile your hate with your love. 

Gillian, you’ll love hanging out with Quentin and May and Jazz. It’ll be great. 

I can’t fault Elizabeth Ryan for always having a drink in her hand. 

Yeah, I think the Selkies that currently have skins will become Roane or Roane-equivalent - no more passing the skins down the line. Anyone who doesn’t have a skin is going to turn human or die.

This is a good ending point. 

One more book to come. 

[ridleytheknight]

Son of a Mafia Part 5

It's Pidge's turn! And thank you to a certain user ThtoneGal66 on Ao3! They heavily inspired this chapter and inspired an alternate ending and a whole new chapter that was never planned in the series with their through, beautifully supportive, and detailed comment that lifted my spirits and watered my crops. Thank you so much starling. You have no idea how much you've affected me with your kindness. Thank you so much.

This is for you. I hope you enjoy it as much as you have the rest :)

(Hope I answered some of you theories too :)

       The hierarchies of the mafia were honestly pretty complex. Lance had to admit it. His family was very liberal and open minded. Having six daughters of varying degrees of sexuality and one son who didn’t care if what he wore was girly or if who he kissed wasn’t a girl tended to do that to their family.

           Family came first over tradition and mindset.

           However, that didn’t mean their contacts were like that. True, they respected that the girls were the eldest and equal to them (Lance’s ex drove that home. They knew what those ‘innocent and dainty’ girls could do) Though in regards to orders and who they looked to first as the heir would be Lance. He was the first son.

Luckily, Lance was a great diplomat and an even better compromiser. While he may be the prince, his eldest sister was to be the queen. Lance would serve as her prince and enforcer. Her right hand. Equals in decisions -It also helped that as much as he loved Emilia, she was more of a shoot first question later, there was a reason he was the one who tortured and interrogated- His other sisters would be the heads of each of their own areas. Excusing Mia and Mya who wanted to run as co-leaders (the twins hardly separated, they even shared a boyfriend, polyamory was not an unknown concept to Lance nor his family)

           There would be some issues of the other families taking Lance’s side over hers should they ever disagree, he would smooth that over. Probably by scheduling family meetings before any conferences to sort out which side they may be on. Lance typically agreed with his family though, or could argue his points out with logic and persuade them to see his view.

           He hoped Mama and Papa were doing well, they were getting up in their years. Lance had no clue when he’d left. He was supposed to take over with Emilia and his sisters as soon as he graduated… but life was strange. He hoped they weren’t too worried, they knew he could care for himself. Even if that wouldn’t stop them from hunting down any lead and obstacle in their way. Including the Garrison if they tried to cover up their disappearance again.

           Though, the idea of his sisters tearing into Iverson for his disappearance was so amusing.

           Lance almost hoped he would be stupid enough to attempt just that.

           Shame he wouldn’t get to paint Iverson’s kneecaps. He’d been practicing.

           Lance’s dainty fingers brushed his left rib cage. They itched. They always itched and burned when he thought of it. The only distraction from it was the raging of blood lust, which was non existent as he headed out of the dining hall. But Lance pushed the burning feeling away, the ink in his skin was old. Any discomfort was past lived and all in his head.

           Right now, what he had to worry about was the baby sibling that hadn’t eaten all god damn day. Gremlin wrangling was not a fun sport and he needed his full attention for it. Not part of it. Lance sighed quietly, but a small smile still tilted on his face. He was the youngest, so he’d never had a little sibling to take care of and hassle. As frustrating as it could be, Lance wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

           His eyes didn’t take long to find the familiar almost ginger-light brown hair in the living hall. A blanket draped around Pidge’s shoulders and a laptop firmly within their grasp. Lance only rolled his eyes and jumped up onto the back of the couch, leaning forward to press his chin annoyingly on Pidge’s shoulder.

           “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Lance to computer gremlin.” Lance tapped Pidge on the cheek, getting only a grunt as acknowledgement. “Grumpy-pus. Grumpy cat. Grumpy Gremlin. Hey, hey, hey.” Pidge glared at Lance venomously.

           “What?” Lance brushed off the aggressive tone like water on his skin. Emilia’s murder tone was a lot scarier. Not to mention it wasn’t like Pidge was point a gun between his eyes like some others had. It was like when you tried to compare a dog to a wolf. Both could do harm and even kill. One had more motive and tendency to do it however.

           That being said, having been attacked by a dog as a form of interrogation. Both were preferably avoided.

           “Pidgey, it’s been a solid eight hours since you logged on~ I keep track of this you know. So do you know what time it is? Dinner time~ Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner time! Get yo ass up and give your computer gremlin ways a break for a solid half and hour and I’ll relinquish my hold.” Lance grinned even as Pidge glared.

           “Screw off Lance! I’m busy and I don’t have time!” Lance only smiled. A little more forced.

           “Pidge, buddy, pal, amigo. Get your ass up. You need food.” If Pidge was surprised by the serious tone, they didn’t show it. “I know you haven’t eaten at all today and you skipped dinner yesterday. Hunk made food.” And Pidge blew up.

           “What do you know about me?!?! Nothing! You know nothing! God, why are you so god damn annoying! Leave me the hell alone Lance! I don’t have time for your games or your flirting or any of it! Shove! Off!” Pidge was left panting after their fit of yelling, lungs burnings and exhausted. But even they weren’t too tired to immediately feel regret welling up and the quick shift in the room. However Pidge didn’t even get to dwell to much on it before a dangerous look passed Lance’s face and shook the younger teen. They’d never though they’d see a look so… cold… not on a guy like Lance.

           “I don’t know you? Pidge. You’re real name is Katie Holt. You’re a technological genius with absolutely no social skills, which is fine. You have a serious obsessive about finding your family, which is fine. Your favorite color isn’t green. It’s orange because that’s the jumpsuit picture you last had of Matt before he disappeared. You love peanut butter. You also don’t need those glasses. You just like to look like your brother because it makes you feel close to him.”

Lance didn’t stop there however.

“I pay attention to you. I know who you are because I care about you and your health and I listen to every damn word you say because I love you and respect you and I want you to be healthy and happy! But god damn it if it doesn’t get frustrating sometimes! I pay attention, that’s how I fucking know you despite what you think. I always listen and pay attention because I care.” Lance paused.

“But you wouldn’t know that about me, would you?” And Lance was gone within the second, storming out like a raging tide retreating back into its home of rough and violent ocean currents. Leaving Pidge shell shocked and quiet as they processed what Lance had just spat out at them. Because it was all true. It was all so true. And it made them want to cry. But it also made their mind race. Because if there was one thing they could pick apart it was Lance. Pidge wasn’t the best with social situations, but they knew the paladins like the back of their hand, right?

Keith, the angry hot head with a mullet and family issues. Shiro, their leader, strong, with family issues of his own and probably PTSD. Hunk, their other tech friend and a master chef, who was a little too anxious for maybe his own good. Allura had a whole set of issues, but stayed strong like a rock. Coran was their actual rock, emotionally balancing them out. And then there was Lance.

Jokester (But he never poked fun in the face of real danger)

Flirty (Yet it never felt real)

Simple (But there obviously was an enigma hidden in the glimpse Pidge had seen)

Stable (Was he really?)

What did she really know about Lance? Pidge knew psychology and knew mental illnesses and how to gauge reactions. It was how they passed mental exams at the Garrison, how they lied through their teeth to get in. And Lance… he never fit in right.

One moment he’d be laughing in the center of the room. The next he’d be silent, diligently taking notes. One moment he’d be smiling with his friends. The next he’d be looking at a bully with pure distain. A cold and cruel shine in his eyes and a blankness that unnerved Pidge to remember it. The more unnerving thought was that Pidge never remembered seeing the bully around after Lance left the room with them. Forced jovial smiles and playful nudges.

There was also the haunting of death that all the paladins faced. Pidge knew they were affected. Shiro had been dealing with it since before Voltron. It wore on him deeply and Pidge had no doubt he’d need some serious therapy after the war was fought. Even Pidge could see his fresh hesitation to end a breathing life however. The imperceptible pause. Keith channeled his anger in the moment. Slicing through the enemies. Only in the quiet of night did she see him looking at his hands in slight horror. The tears she pretended not to see in his eyes. Hunk was a whole slew of anxiety. It was obvious the only reason he ever pulled a lethal shot was to protect Pidge, who rarely, if never was part of the offensive if it wasn’t Voltron.

Lance however… it was terrifyingly mesmerizing to watch him fight. The fluidity that Lance worked between shooting and keeping people from getting close to him or any of the paladins. The silent set jaw that could only be seen out of his lion. Deep concentration. Lance was the first she’d seen to pull the trigger. She couldn’t look away. Watching how Lance pointed the gun at the Galran soldier with fluid and practiced ease and shot. Lance’s face blank with disinterest, eyes lit and dancing with emotions Pidge couldn’t relate or identify to. There was no anger. No sorrow. Only a sorting of acceptance, and another driving force with only the faintest touch of unseen grief. Grief that flickered out to acceptance as Hunk was saved by Lance’s fatal shot.

No one saw Lance take that shot. Pidge wasn’t even supposed to have seen it. She couldn’t look away from the camera however. And Pidge never said anything as she watched time after time. Never mentioned the subtle way Lance always covered his face from sight if he made a fatal blow in front of other eyes. She’d seen that blank look of near satisfaction and accepting pride only one more time after that. In the castle after Allura had been safely recovered from the Galran invasion of the castle. The deadness of a still ocean in Lance’s eyes as Pidge had silently watched his form slink away. Soaked with blood and limping with Coran. Allura had gathered most of Pidge’s attention then, and after that any thoughts of how that much blood got on Lance faded to the normal daily grind of enhancing the castle and finding Matt.

Pidge’s lanky fingers moved quietly and silently without thought. Pushing their other projects gently away. Before they pulled up the surveillance videos of the day Allura was kidnapped slowly. The castle automatically flagged and saved any cameras with movement as a way to conserve memory. Pidge held their breath. Uncertainty weighing with curiosity for the first time in a long time. But, it always won. And they clicked the video feed.

Immediately the video started. The back of Lance’s head already visible, as well as a Galran soldier. Pidge watch in worry as Lance didn’t even break stride. Bayard held tightly in his grasp as he moved. He looked so… different. His shoulders were back and each leg stride held purpose as his chin held up with poise. Lance looked like… royalty. Even as he easily placed the rifle to the back of the Galran’s head and leaned into his ear. Whispering words to quiet for the audio feed before shoving the Galra into the closest room.

           That video led to the whole semi horrifying, semi-fascinating scene of watching Lance torture the guard for information. A wide and almost unnatural grin as Lance nearly, gleefully, brought the Galran to the brink of death while constantly questioning him. Double checking answers and mocking him. Taking sadistic satisfaction in the blood, pain, and screams. The way Lance moved was constant. Almost like dancing.

           Dancing to the sound of screams.

           Like music.

           Pidge felt enraptured as they watched him walk out of the room. The blank concentration and the sickening light in his eyes dimming to set focus as he gunned down the Galra infested halls like they were nothing. Taking the stray bullet or knife in stride. It was like Lance was possessed. Angry with a calculated and calm composure. As if he didn’t feel the pain of wounds. Or the burning of his hands as his bayard began to smoke. Watches as he takes down the Galran soldier guarding Allura with his bare and burned hands and takes her to safety before even considering limping his own way for help.

           Everything he did was for them.

           And Pidge had just spat that in his face.

           More importantly.

           LANCE WAS A FUCKING BADASS!!!

           HE WAS LIKE THE GOD FATHER OR SOME SHIT! God, why didn’t he use that to pick up chicks cause that was so god damn cool!!! Lance had just gunned down an entire hallway of guards like they were toy soldiers in some five year old’s game of battle frontier! Pidge abandoned their laptop immediately and stormed through the hallways. Poking their head through every door they could until they finally found Lance in the lion’s hangar. A knife twisting in the air. Falling and ascending in a deadly and precise arc. Lance’s fingertips barely brushing the knife to cause its renewed ascension every time. It was so deceptively and delicately powerful. Masterfully controlled with effort and ease that only came with practice and knowledge.

           Pidge pointed a finger accusingly at Lance and screeched. “YOU’RE THE FUCKING GODFATHER AND YOU EXPECTED TO HIDE THAT SHIT FROM ME??? WHAT THE FUCK LANCE?! THIS IS MY ONE TIME TO SAY I KNOW A MEMBER OF THE FUCKNG MAFIA AND YOU TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME???” Lance’s body jolted up in the surprise and Pidge almost regretted surprising Lance and worried about the knife until Lance was able to do damage control. Sending it clattering to the floor clumsily. As if he had no way of controlling it.

           Too bad Pidge had seen him using that knife

           Lance coughed into his fist, “Well. No, not really. I’m not going to be saying to leave a firearm and take a pastry anytime soon. Nor am I the head of the family. I’m just the son of my father. Who happens to be the head of the family… so I’m not the godfather yet. I won’t even be a capo for a while…” Pidge threw their hands up exasperatedly.

           “C’mon! You have to make this up to me. Tell me some cool shit!” Lance chuckled as Pidge practically threw themselves onto Lance to make him stay put. Glaring at him like a pouty child who wanted a story. It reminded him so much of his little cousins and his little niece and nephews that his resolve to keep those two sides of him completely separate crumbled.

           “There really isn’t many clue things to be honest. It’s a lot of work. A lot of negotiation. A lot of morally ambiguous decisions.” Lance chuckled ominously. “I am the youngest in my family, but they call me the dark prince of the McClain family for a reason I guess.” Pidge damn near had sparkles in their eyes.

           “I saw you torture that Galran. Have you done that before or was that improv?” Lance gave Pidge a weird look and a bemused smile.

           “Pidgey. I’m the fucking Dark. Prince. Please rethink your sentence computer gremlin. Yeah, I’ve… done that before. In the moment it’s only a rush. Like the most exhilarating adrenaline rush. All you feel is invincible. Powerful. Manipulative. Anything. You feel like what you want is in the palm of your hand. After its done and the high has worn down and you’re relaxing, you look back and you don’t know who that person in your skin was. I had never been guilty. I’ve accepted what I’ve done. I don’t regret it beyond mourning their loss and remembering I had no right in pulling their strings. But you don’t think like that in the act. You only thing after it. When that person is gone. Until you do it enough times and slowly you and that person aren’t strangers. You’re two people. One person really. Always. And if you’re doing it right… or at least… with some ethics. You’re doing it for a reason. I do it for my family, my loved ones, and right now… the rare occasion I lose control.” Lance looked straight to the young teen kneeling on his out stretched legs. Eyes wide and fastened on him with a child-like wonder. Lance smiled, looking Pidge straight in the eyes. Letting the foggy and hard eyes that always accompanied those memories turn warm and soft, just for them.

           “Now I do it for you.”

           Things only rolled on further after that. Pidge seeing the soft kink in his armor and jabbing at it demandingly for more stories. By the end of night having migrated to lay on Lance’s lap. Lance’s delicate and callused fingers carding through Pidge’s hair amazedly. Reverently. That something so young. So pure still. Was so relaxed with him. He was almost afraid he’d get blood in their hair, even when it was long since gone from his physical skin. Lance felt a demanding nudge in his mind. Looking up just in time to hear Blue snort.

           She said ‘I told you so.’

           Lance rolled his eyes, leaning against his beautiful girl’s paws. Looking out past Pidge to the vast space within his sight. Watching over his little sibling like a guardian watching diligently to eliminate any threat or harm to their charge. Space was scary. But he could be scarier. Sitting on his throne with poise and precision.

           He’d die for his family. He’d kill for his family. He’d live for his family.

           Lance looked down to Pidge’s sleeping face. Their glasses were scooting down their face and they’re long eyelashes were fluttered onto their cheeks as shallow breaths fell in and out of their mouth. Sleeping peacefully, dreamlessly, burdenlessly. Lance would keep them like that. Protect them from the world. He’d bring back their family and continue to shield them. Even if they rejected him after they didn’t need him anymore. With their own family again. No need for a killer of a puesdo-sibiling. And Lance’s lips did a rare thing when the monster prowled in place of him in the throne room.

           He smiled.

[takaraphoenix]

i've always wanted to ask you this but was to shy to do so XP, what made you love bottom!percy? and what brought you to love nicercy? ( because you made me love bottom percy and nicercy honestly, i owe you a life debt for showing me this wonderful ship )

Holy shit. Sure, ask the hard questions, why don’t do? *blinks doe-eyed*

Part of the reason is something that’s been always part of my fandom experience. I come from a manga/anime background - that is where I started out. And the golden rule of anime/manga fandoms is “The protagonist is always bottom” (I’m fairly sure by now there are also many who like to portray the protagonists of certain animes as tops, but… protagonist = uke was the golden rule to go by 10 years ago). So, that was just… a very important mindset that I might never be able to shake off.

I find bottoms more relatable than tops, so I prefer to latch onto characters I perceive as bottoms.

And then there is the fact of how I started out in this fandom, before even writing for it. Back in the day, there were not thaaat many Percy/Nico fics out there. And I had read them all. And every single one of them was top!Percy. Literally every single one aside from one story had top!Percy.

So I was pretty bummed out by my first fandom experience, because top!Percy was a cocky, overly confident, dominating top. And sure. Make him a top if that’s what you want, but… cocky and overly confident and dominating is not what Percy is like when it comes to romance.

He is an awkward fumbling mess, for fuck’s sake. That’s canon. He needs the girl to act first. Rachel pulls him into a kiss to make him realize that the heck is going on. Reyna and Kinzie are the ones coming onto him. He’s the boy who blushed and stuttered in “Mark of Athena” when his girlfriend visits his cabin at night, while Annabeth just rolls her eyes at him because she knows how he is.

Percy is, canonically, in the books, the guy who blushes and is awkward about his feelings and needs the other party to take innitiative.

He is not the kind of character to pin his lover to the wall and fuck him while whispering obscenities. That is not what his character is like in canon.

And at the same time, many of those fics I read back then turned Nico into a blushing, stuttering, insecure mess.

That is not what his character is like in canon.

They acted like Nico couldn’t speak a coherent sentence in Percy’s presence. Fuck that. He even insults Percy and screams at him and tells him how angry he is. He never had qualms talking to Percy.

He’s the guy who cracks open the Earth when he’s angry, the guy who raises an army of zombies when you piss him off, the guy who defies Hades’ direct orders to save Percy from the dungeons.

He will not duck his head, blush and stutter when Percy pays attention to him.

And while this is fanfiction and everybody has the right to ship what they want and how they want it and I’d never want to dictate others what to write, that is just not what I want to read or what I want to write.

Now, as mentioned above there was one fanfiction back then that had bottom!Percy. And it was cute. Maybe a bit too OoC, but on the right lane of what I liked and that just gave me hope.

After reading all those fics where the characterization didn’t sit right with me, I had hope that I wasn’t the only one interested in reading top!Nico and bottom!Percy.

So I started writing my very first fanfiction for this fandom. Also my very first attempt at writing a story in English, because… well… this fandom was non-existent in German. There were like two Luke/Percy fics or something.

And yeah. I’m aware I had a phase of making Percy overly submissive - but that reflected canon to me. Because holy shit has he been through literal hell. And the more bad shit he had to go through, the more I wanted to give him a way of just leaning back and letting someone else take care of him.

Seriously, Riordan has majorly neglected the mental and physical trauma he put Percy through and that is one of the top things I will never forgive that author. He should have trice the PTSD - for the two wars and going through Tartarus - but in a cheap attempt at a happy ending, Riordan forced the cheerful Percy into it again like all the trauma just didn’t happen.

(Another note for why top!Nico and bottom!Percy: When Nico finally had the guts to tell Percy how he felt in canon, he just casually said it aloud, no stammering or stuttering or blushing. Percy was the one who reacted by stammering and stuttering and blushing. The way I write them, the opposite way of how I had read them in too many fics.)

Just. Maaany of the top!Percy fics disregard that while he is a total badass on the battlefield and always tall and proud and with a cheeky remark on his lips when facing authority, he’s a fucking mess when it comes to romance. He’s a soft boy at heart and that’s been shown in canon often enough but is too often forgotten in fanon.

So I made it my point to focus on it, because I love that side of him. I love that he’s not always this cocky, self-assured protagonist.

Percy deserves someone to love and shelter him for a change and Nico has done so much loving and sheltering in canon. I know many acted surprised when Nico loving Percy became canon. It wasn’t for me. The way Nico has acted toward Percy from the start was always blatantly obvious about how he felt for Percy, that’s why I ended up shipping them after all. And Nico has always moved heaven and Earth to protect Percy, to save Percy, to keep Percy safe - he’s the only one who put that much effort into it. And it’s what Percy deserves after all the shit he’s been through, so why not let Nico protect, shelter and keep Percy safe on a romantic level too.

Not to say that others can’t feel like Nico deserves pampering, or that others can’t separate sexual roles from relationship roles, also not saying that all the fics with top!Percy are the way I said above, just too many that I encountered years ago. It’s good to have diversity in the fandom, it’s good there are bottom!Nico fics because there sure as fuck are enough people who like to read bottom!Nico and I wouldn’t want anyone to face the kind of disappointment where you can’t find a single thing about a pairing the way you ship them.

This fandom was just lacking top!Nico and bottom!Percy, so I supplied to even the odds.

[shipwrexked]

Poison Study by Maria Snyder

Publication Date: 2005

Story Synopsis: Poison study is the first book in a fantasy novel series. It tells the story of 20 year old Yelena who, after spending just less than a year in a dungeon awaiting execution is given the chance to ‘live’ on the condition that she will become the Commander’s Food Taster.

Story Motif’s:  Dystopian Regime of Ixia, Loosely based Republic of Sitia, Magic

All right I got a lot of asks about this series and to make it simple I’m just going to do this one post to cover all of the asks, I hope. 

Why did I recommend Poison Study as the series to read after Throne of Glass and A Court of War and Ruin?

Two reasons, ok there are more than two reasons but here are the main two reason. Maria Snyder wrote Poison Study waaaaaaaayyyy before S.J. Maas wrote the first Throne of Glass novel and there are a lot of similarities in the story tropes and motifs between these two. So if you liked Aelin in Throne of Glass you’re going LOVE Valek in Poison Study. If you’re favorite character in ACOWAR was Feyre then prepare yourselves for the non-white, poc version of her in Yelena (the main character). If you loved the richness of the secondary characters and side characters in S.J. Maas’s world then you are going to fall hopelessly in love with characters like Commander Ambrose, Ari, Janco, Rand, and Dilana. Janco and Ari are the Cassian and Azriel of this series or the Aedion and Lysandra or maybe Nox? 

The second reason is this: A lot of the world building issues that we readers who, admittedly love S.J. Maas’s works, are not found here. So in a way it’s like reading S.J. Maas but without all the gaping world building holes. Also remember Poison Study was published in 2005 so I guess it’s more accurate to say S.J. Maas is like reading Poison Study but with world building issues. 

Do you really believe everyone should read these books in school?

YES!!! I don’t just believe it I built an entire curriculum around this series and here’s just a few reasons why.

This series gives us non-traditional characters in a world of fantasy. Now you would think Fantasy would be the one genre that would break literary barriers first but you’d be wrong. Very few women actually wrote in this genre until recently. Those of us who loved this genre were reliant on white dudes to write our novels and so we usually got the “damsel in distress saved by white knight” story motifs in some form or another. Then Anne McCaffery gave us “The Dragon Riders of Pern” and Fantasy finally got a strong female lead, she was still white though. Then Maria Snyder wrote Poison Study and we FINALLY GOT CHARACTERS THAT ARE REPRESENTATIVE OF POC PEOPLE!! I can not stress that enough. Not only did she represent Yelena perfectly but she also gave us a strong transgendered character in Commander Ambrose *kisses* I love you Commander!! We also got bi-representation, gay representation, and for the first time we got a character that correctly portrayed PTSD. So Tamlin you should pay attention to Yelena she’ll show you the RIGHT way to cope my dude. 

This series also explores very real political structures and their effects on society and especially on marginalized people. There are some very complex themes of human struggles woven into the tapestry of this series. Those themes alone are enough to warrant making this mandatory reading in schools in my not so humble opinion. Ixia to the north is a communist regime political structure. There are no Kings and everyone is answerable to the laws including the Commander. In this case Commander Ambrose. It’s cold, stark, and appears on the surface to be unforgiving and Dystopian like, but later on in the series as more secrets come to light you, the reader, will uncover that while you may not agree with Commander Ambroses stance it’s understandable why this method of government was chosen. On the same hand you have what is modeled to be an idyllic Republic in the south. Sitia appears on the surface to be the “land of plenty, and of enlightenment, and freedom” It later becomes apparent that Sitia has it’s own problems and those problems are not small ones. Yelena escapes one form of government only to find that what she thought would be freedom and a better life in the south is not exactly the truth. She finds herself facing very real, very human, problems in both systems of government and that opposing theme in this series is worth teaching our children about in American schools.

What are some of the fun reasons to read this book?

I think what your asking is what makes this series fun to read? Well we get quotes like this:

“Out of nowhere, Valek appeared before me, yelling in my ear, shaking my shoulders. Stupidly, belatedly, I realized he was the drunk. Who else but Valek could win a fight against four large men when armed only with a beer mug?”

Or this delightful gem:

“Let's go. We're supposed to rendezvous with the Captain at the lake. Oh, and try to keep the noise down. You sound like a panicked moose crashing through the woods," the smarter man chided. "Oh yeah. Like you could hear me over your specially trained 'woodland-animal footsteps,'" Rough Voice countered. "It was like listening to two deer humping each other.”

or this quote from Rand:

“To Yelena, our newest food taster. May you last longer than your predecessor.”

Of course there’s this one that made every reader nod their heads in complete agreement!

“The uniform enhanced his athletic body, and my thoughts drifted to how magnificent he would look with his uniform puddled around his feet.” -Yelena

Or that moment when you realized that Janco was your favorite bi-sexual soldier:

“One, and two, and three, four, five. Keep fighting like this and you will die," Janco sang.” -Janco

Or that moment when Valek said what we were all thinking:

“It's a dirty way to fight, but I'm late for lunch." - Valek to Yelena”

Or this moment when we all cried for Yelena:

“I peered deeper and found my soul. A little tattered and with some holes, but there all the same. It had always been there, I realized with shock.” -Yelena

There are a lot of reasons to read Poison Study and the two books that come after it but mostly you should read them because Maria Snyder was brave enough to write a world where everyone had a place. A world where no matter your gender or sexual identity you can relate to at least one of the characters. You should read this series because she pioneered the concept that it’s actually ok to have strong non-traditional characters without victimizing them or marginalizing them. You should read this series because you’ll laugh, and cry, and scream, and throw the book across the room, then run after it to apologize. This series will break you, then mend you. It will make you think and it will make you laugh and you might actually find yourself seeing your own world through someone else’s POV and that’s NEVER a bad thing.

[laryna6]

I was typing a long post re. the clusterfuck that is Ieonar gender... Well, the progressives would say it’s about gender identity, the traditionalists say that they make it not about gender by appropriating rank suffixes as gender pronouns. Which happened because the Mylar (multicultural alliance of formerly persecuted ethnicities) mistook the Ieonar adopting the Teleran common tongue for being victims of cultural imperialism and like. Deciding to politely ignore the Ieonar caste system in hopes it would go away rather than understanding why it exists in a people who will absolutely give you cancer by accident if not properly trained. Even once removed from the context of the Teleran Anarchy Period.

Complicated by the fact that Ieonar are genderfluid normative, and even the people with strong male or female identities never really realize they have them because the norm is just being in whatever body you feel like at the time, so unless one stopped to think about it they wouldn’t regard staying in one kind of body most of the time as more than habit? There’s also no performative gender since gender isn’t a thing, so no one would feel like ‘these coded behaviors feel more or less like who I am.’ 

The tradition-keepers among the Ieonar were aware that gender was a thing among non-Ieonar Telerans, so they weren’t surprised to see it in Mylar cultures. It’s someone appropriating a rank suffix, when those used to be used to determine who lived and who died, that’s You Did Not Just Go There.

The Progressives... there’s a stage in Ieonar child-rearing, from age 10 to 60ish, where children are abandoned in the woods because they need to start learning how to constantly use their powers if they want to become immortal but if they do that among other people they WILL cause cancers and people will die. Obviously because humans don’t want to be alone these ‘children’ normally create their own society and raise each other despite the risk of death, and actually constantly fending off death helps them hone their powers. These found families are important Ieonar social units, ties that persist over centuries. 

Unfortunately a lot of Mylar started adopting these kids, despite Ieonar warnings that ‘you’re probably going to die’ which is okay if the adopted parents make that choice. But like. What if there are any existing children in the household? Are they in a position to give consent to losing their parents/siblings? Without instruction, most of these Ieonar children would die of old age by fifty, with their powers making changes to their body but not being able to do anything to keep these healthy changes. Even once a system was set up for these children to receive instruction, they still reached Ieonar adulthood having experienced one traumatic parental abandonment and then a second loss of an entire family as the Mylar household died, even if whatever Ieonar instructed the child was able to make sure they all died of natural causes. Then entering into a society with no structure for handling their emotional needs because they were supposed to have already developed a support structure during their fifty years of living as a Found Family unit, both receiving emotional support and giving it to younger members. And a reluctance to develop new emotional ties due to two sets of losses. 

Traditional Ieonar society is absolutely screwed up, since it was formed as a coping/survival mechanism for the Teleran Anarchy Period, but the Progressives don’t offer a sane alternative because most Progressives are emotionally fucked up and want to destroy the system that traumatized them without any schema for giving immortals a system that doesn’t just cause them to go insane over centuries from isolation instead of childhood trauma. 

Progressives who attempt to raise their own children tend to do a terrible job no matter how good the Mylar family was, because they weren’t with the Mylar family for the early years that are important to bonding and there’s a very strong social pressure against forming an attachment with your biological child among Ieonar because of the aforementioned Anarchy Period, when a parent’s duty to a child was to get them to a point where they could be handed over to one of the Safe Zones and then contribute to society in keeping that safe zone safe, because if outsiders broke in the children would be slaughtered. They were aware that this was traumatic as hell for the kid, so the idea was to minimize the trauma by minimizing the attachment, fostering emotional connections to children of the same age as a substitute, hopefully causing a natural transition to the found family group. So Progressive parents’ example for how to parent small children is a parenting style based around ensuring the children get their emotional needs met elsewhere, without doing the ‘ensure the child gets their emotional needs met elsewhere’ part because they’re supposed to be meeting their child’s emotional needs. The only preexisting emotional bond between Ieonar blood family in the book is two adepts, one of whom is the other’s granddaughter, and they’re Platonic Life Partners who call each other grandfather/granddaughter because haha funny coincidence that two adepts are that closely related rather than the blood connection or small percentage age difference mattering at all. Jiva being related to Jaret is more a reason for her not to take him in rather than a reason to do so.

The main character’s mother had a traditionalist upbringing with found family group, and while Jiva(properly Jiv) got the same, Jaret was raised by his Mylar father and without that emotional support because she wanted him to feel an emotional connection to family and therefore an obligation to carry on her ideals. Even though the reason she wanted him to oppose the Progressives was that she’d observed how that fucked people up. Jaret has grown up knowing that basically everyone who gives a damn about him does so because of his mother, and that their support of him is because it’s what she wanted/contingent on him being what she wanted. 

One of the bits of feedback I got for the novel was that a reader didn’t find Jaret sympathetic, and that having an ensemble is a way people get around readers maybe not understanding what one kind of character is going through, but Jaret’s isolation is kind of important, since isolation is. A big problem. If he wasn’t so completely bereft of a support network that actually supported HIM he would have someone to go to when he discovered what one of his mother’s found family members had done with forbidden magibiotech instead of questing after a vanished adept. I should probably harken back to the original dream this is all based on and have Larynky be a party member. Replace the undercover Mylar plot tumor I wrote because NaNo and I needed wordcount with an experience of easy comraderie not contingent on meeting expectations with Jiv’s found family?

Or maybe I should just. Make Jiva the main character. 

Actually, that’s a fantastic idea. Jaret comes to understand on an intellectual level that that he’s being raised to be this Great King and now has to do a Hero’s Journey is pretty fucked up, but that’s hard since it has to overcome his lived experience that his life is, well, how his life works. Jiva has her own issues of being the failed/discarded rough draft child supposed to be evidence of her mother’s perfection even though Ieonar traditions actually support her owing her mother absolutely nothing, but her going ‘holy shit what is being done to this kid is wrong’ would help her with ‘what was done to me was also wrong.’ 

Jaret going to Jiva because despite the fact he’s been told he needs to grow up a leader he’s never really been allowed to act on his own and she. Has no reason to help him but like. There is no one that is any better to go to. And her just listening and eventually okay. First thing is, we fake your death by killing your manservant. And it’s half actual plan and half sisterly ‘this one I can kill now, need backup for the others that are going to die.’ But it’s not that he’s her brother that makes her help, but she remembers being a kid who got dropped off in the woods. Not even with parents sticking around to make sure she was handed off to a friend of hers who was her bff until they got brought to the woods, one of her mother’s people did it. And just wandering around and. Eventually making a bed out of leaves because. That’s what you’re supposed to do, right? And wandering around until someone sensed another Ieonar and went to say hi and was like ‘are you camping??? Where are your friends?’ and she was ‘huh?’ 

Jaret going ‘the admiral will let you just take off with your ship? He won’t demand you even provide an explanation for not sticking to the plan?’ because an adult who is both ‘will help’ and ‘does not run his life’ is a new concept. And Jiva is *internal screaming* because dammit this kid is supposedly being raised as a king but the idea that someone would like. Trust his judgment and assume he knows what he’s doing is totally foreign to him. 

And ‘WTF of course you can’t perform master level magic, you’re goddamn thirty, the only thing you’re supposed to be training in right now is Trying Not To Die.’

Now I want a(nother) Mylar-raised character that Jiva is like ‘crap, I can’t ditch them, they will absolutely take it the wrong way.’ ‘Sister Dammit why do I have to handle these balls of issues’ but like. There is no one else. 

Ieonar do have therapy! Traditionally it’s a religious/holy thing and very good at PTSD and grief counseling bc anarchy period. However over the child rearing issue the Necromantic War never ended in that profession - people are legitimately killing each other to this day.