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iybms · 2 years

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the spark lights all the same

an exercise in lance's pov

rating: G pairing: keith/lance words: 1458 tags: pov lance, kissing, rivals to lovers ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24766531

Lance's heart skips a beat the first time he sees Keith laugh, but he doesn't really understand why.

He stares a little too long. He doesn't like Keith, and definitely not in any way that should warrant the fixation that this new expression on Keith's face is inspiring in him. So he does the same thing he does with every emotion he's not ready to confront: buries it until it's convenient. Which is pretty much never.

It's only unearthed, in fact, because Keith has this horrible, infuriating, even more inconvenient habit of laughing at him.

And it's just rare enough to see Keith laugh at all, that it gets more and more difficult for Lance to be pissed off by it. For him to stop from staring at the turn of the corner of his lips, the tilt of his mouth, the shape of his teeth, the pucker of his cheek on one side. Lance catches himself cataloging Keith's smiles in his mind like limited edition stamps.

Fuck, he realizes. They are limited edition. One of these days, Lance is gonna strike out embarrassingly with a pretty girl, or collide with something in Blue while he's not paying attention, or get dissed by Pidge for opening his big mouth when he knows jack shit about math or coding, or, or― or Hunk is going to make some lame cooking joke that doesn't even make any sense and Keith is going to laugh because he doesn't make any sense, and then the Galra are going to attack, and that last laugh about goo donuts or whatever is going to be Keith Kogane's final, rare, stupid smirk.

Lance hates this. Why is he even thinking about this? He hates this.

And the thing Lance hates the most is that sometimes he thinks Keith is going to laugh at him, but for some completely inexplicable, bizarre reason, he doesn't. Instead, Keith listens to him. Keith supports him. Keith has his back.

Keith cradles Lance in his arms, carrying him to a healing pod. Keith rescues him from the airlock. Keith asks him what's wrong. Keith helps him up, over and over again, no matter how many times Lance gets knocked down. Keith pretends Lance isn't crying when he finds him homesick on the observation deck.

Lance is so frustrated, it's all he can do to just return the favor. Listen to Keith, support him, have his back. When Lance ends up as Keith's Red Paladin, it's like finding the most mortifying pair of shoes that fit absolutely perfectly. Not the way it felt perfect piloting Blue, how manifesting his intent had come easy. Rather, the Red Lion flays him open and strips him down. Exposes some deep, aching, desperate piece of him that he hadn't been ready to acknowledge until now. Flying the Red Lion at Keith's side feels less like a good fit than it feels necessary in some part of Lance's soul.

Blue felt like home; Red feels like some breathless, cosmic destiny.

He realizes one day, he's become friends with Keith. No wait, not just friends. More than that. Partners, somehow. More than just regular comrades, more than family. The bond he shares with Keith has become deeper than the bond he shares with any of the other paladins. Maybe even Allura, in Blue. He sort of resents that a little. But he also…

He also… really treasures it. Shit. He feels really, really special. When Keith's eyes are focused on him like That, like they're equals, like Keith respects him as much as Lance respects Keith, because― because he does, Lance respects Keith, and admires him, and has ever since the first time he saw him ace the simulator at the Garrison. But now, it's not just because Keith's a great pilot, or even because he's the Black Paladin. It's because he's lost so much and he still won't give up. Not on Shiro, or on his mom, or on Lance. After suffering so much loss and rejection from people who should have been there to take care of him, people he should have been able to trust, experiencing violent emotional severances that could have broken him irreparably,

Keith still stands tall as a leader, a soldier, and a symbol of hope to the weak and disadvantaged. He still fights for what he believes in with his whole, entire heart. Against all odds, he still finds ways to connect with and love the other members of their little paladin family.

Even when he has every excuse to be vindictive and bitter, and every opportunity to be vain and cruel, Keith is… he's… he's stubbornly determined to be kind, and altruistic, and forgiving.

And against all odds, Lance has come to ―

maybe ―

love that about him.

And annoyingly, the closer and closer Lance gets to Keith, the more he finds there is that he can't help but love.

So when Keith's eyes are focused on Lance, yeah, in training, or in a debrief, or on a mission, or just in a conversation or wherever, Lance has started to feel this little spark that lights up in his chest. Come at me, Keith might say. Or, Where to? Or, I'll lure them, you watch my back. Always with this unwavering trust in Lance that no one else has in him ― hell, that even Lance doesn't always have in himself. It doesn't matter if Keith is angry or teasing or bloody, or if he's dead bored in a diplomatic meeting just looking to Lance for silent commiseration. The spark lights all the same. It thrums under his skin, in his hands, all the way to his fingertips, like an extra little boost of adrenaline. It makes him feel extra connected to Keith, ready for anything. Even in the murkiest depths of self-doubt, Keith makes him feel like he can do anything.

And then one day, he finally does it. It's been so long, he doesn't even realize that he's been trying, or how bad he wants it. How overwhelmed he's going to be when he gets it.

They're alone, walking a corridor in the ship. They're both exhausted, and Lance is just talking. They have a lot of shared experiences now, and plenty of common opinions about particular missions and aliens and diplomatic policies, and Lance makes the driest inside joke. Absolutely arid. Ruthless. He is so tired. Keith―

laughs.

Keith laughs, and Lance,

Lance is wide-eyed, mouth softly open, breath caught. His heart has skipped like four beats, at least, at finally being the one to make Keith Kogane laugh. Not at him, no. Not this time. No, Lance made Keith laugh, because he meant to make Keith laugh. A joke that was meant for Keith and only Keith, exchanged for a laugh that was meant for Lance and only Lance. Something within Lance shudders shamefully with the selfish realization that he wants to always get to be the one who makes Keith laugh. He wants to keep all of Keith's laughter and smiles to himself and hoard them deep in his heart, in the same place where he started cataloging Keith's smiles years ago.

Keith's eyes glance open at him in mirth, and the electricity that ignites in Lance makes his whole body tense. For a moment while his gaze is locked with Keith's, it's all he can feel. Gooseflesh dances along his arms and the hair on his nape raises, and just as it seems Keith is about to prickle with concern, Lance can no longer stand still. He can't. He's possessed, by this fanatic need to be closer, to capture the remnants of Keith's laughter in the most intimate way possible.

All he can do is close the distance between them, take Keith's face gently between his trembling palms, and tilt in to kiss him.

He's half-drunk just on the closeness alone, but then Keith's lips soften, come to Lance's wet and open, and then again, over and over, and Lance thinks he must be entirely delirious. He quakes from the inside out, because there's no way this is really happening, right? There's no way he's actually kissing Keith, for real, kissing him deeply, all frantic and reverent like this. There's no way he's doing it, and getting away with it, and getting kissed back. That's just, statistically improbable, he thinks.

And yet, here is Keith's tongue, touching Lance's, and Keith's hands, grasping greedily at his waist, pressing him close. Lance chokes on a pleased noise at the sheer satisfaction of being wanted by Keith in return.

And when Keith huffs a little chuckle, bursting with awe, right up against and into Lance's mouth ― just like that, there is nothing else at all in the universe.

#my writing #klance #2020

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samuel-de-champagne-problems · 3 years

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Honest and Truly

Summary: Spencer has his prom 10 years late, but none of that matters when it's with the girl of his dreams.

Word Count: 4.8 k

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female (She/Her)-- Fluff

CW: Minimal vulgar language (PG-13)

Author's Note: This just might be my most favorite thing I've written in a very long time :) Also listen to the song I linked, it makes the title and the ending make more sense! thank you to @spookydrreid and @writhingintheroses for helping me a particular scene!!

Add yourself to my taglist! It makes it much easier for me :)

Honest and Truly

“A prom?” Spencer asks, realizing that the conversation had entered uncharted territory, a territory in which he had not a single clue how to navigate. Spencer, being a preteen in high school, never attended prom.

“Yes, Reid. A prom,” Penelope says, staring at him over the many monitors and stuffed cats that littered her desk, “It’s going to be so much fun!” she says, excitedly.

“That sounds like, uh, I’ll have plans that night,” Spencer tells Penelope, spinning around in the swivel chair as he eats his turkey and cheese sandwich. He usually enjoys their lunches together, but when Penelope gets an idea in her head, there’s no stopping her.

@s“Now I don’t believe that for a second, Reid. The only time that you have plans is when you’re with Y/N. And Y/N is going to be at this prom,” Garcia says, her pink glasses sliding down her nose. She winks at Reid, almost like she enjoys watching him squirm.

“How do you know that she’s going? Did she say she’s going?” Spencer asks, unable to conceal his eagerness that Y/N could be attending. Spencer might hate dancing and those fancy shoes that are too tight on his toes, but all that can be talked away if Y/N is there.

“Yes, she’s going because you’re asking her. That and I’m making everyone go,” Penelope says matter of factly.

Spencer opens his mouth, attempting to talk away Penelope’s suggestion. But Spencer Reid is a smart man and he knows better than trying to argue his way out with Penelope. Especially when it comes to Y/N. He might have an excellent poker face, but Spencer can’t hide his love for Y/N.

“I’m not going to ask her. You know she’ll think it’s because-” Spencer says, prepping for a long winded rant before the door of Penelope’s office swings open.

Y/N, with two coffees in hand, floats into the room like she’s walking on air. Or maybe it’s Spencer’s mind that’s floating when Y/N walks in. He can never tell. Whenever he’s near her, it’s like everything is sweeter, lighter and airier. Wordlessly, she passes the coffee to Spencer. Feeling her fingertips graze his reminds him of how pathetic he must be. He nods, telling her thanks, knowing that he’s unable to fully articulate just how grateful he is for the littlest things.

“Who are you not going to ask and to where, Spence?” Y/N says, leaning against the filing cabinets and sipping her coffee. Penelope, never one to be quiet, silently watches as Spencer and Y/N converse. Spencer looks up at her, feeling that light and airy feeling again. He brushes his hair that falls against his forehead nervously thinking of an answer.

“I- uh, I was thinking of asking my mother to come stay with me for a couple of weeks. You know, she hasn’t seen DC in a couple of years. And I do have some personal days banked,” Spencer says, telling Y/N a small white lie.

“She’s in Vegas, right?” Y/N asks, interested in what Spencer is saying, which is something that he’s still not used to. Spencer nods, smiling awkwardly.

“Yeah, she says that she likes the heat,” Spencer says, hating how formal and cold the conversation sounds. It’s normally flowing with easy and familiarity, but something is wedged between them. Penelope, long forgotten by the pair, types rapidly on her keyboard.

“You know, Spence. If you’re up for it maybe we can have lunch or meet at Elmwood Park. I’d love to meet the woman that made my favorite person,” she says, staring directly into Spencer’s eyes. Her stare is so intense that it’s like she’s looking into his soul. He thinks that if she looks deep enough she’ll see her own reflection because his soul belongs to her.

“I-I uh,” Spencer says, immediately thinking that he should actually invite his mother out for a visit, “I think that’s a good idea. She likes the sites and all,” he tells her nervously, trying to ease his beating heart.

He’s her favorite person.

Out of all the people in this city, this world. He’s her favorite person. Spencer, a lover of math, is tempted to figure out the odds of being his favorite person’s favorite person. He knows it’s slim. He knows it’s rare. It’s something magical and Spencer is terrified he’s going to ruin it. He’s terrified he’s going to fuck something up that’s not even his.

“It’s a date,” Y/N says, turning to Penelope, who’s still long forgotten, “Oh, Penny, you need to yell at Morgan for me. He ate my leftovers,” she tells Penelope, who feigns horror, “And now I don’t have lunch”

“How dare he!” Penelope says, her exaggerated response inciting chuckles, “he can get away with murder because he’s pretty,” she says, shaking her head.

He knows that she’s pretending to be disappointed, but he still doesn’t like to see it. Spencer unwraps the other half of his turkey and cheese sandwich and hands it to Y/N. She looks surprised, as if Spencer just handed her a million bucks.

“Spence, you don’t have to,” Y/N says, softly, handing back the half of the sandwich, “It’s your sandwich, I don’t want you to feel-”

“Eat it, Y/N,” Spencer says firmly, looking straight at Y/N, “You need to eat something. We both live off coffee as it is,” he says, hoping that Y/N will take the sandwich.

He’s looking straight at her and she’s looking straight at him. Spencer wonders if he looks deep enough he’ll reach her soul. He dares to think that if he can find her soul, he’ll stare at his face. He’s her favorite person after all, that’s got to count for something.

“Thanks, Spence,” Y/N says, smiling softly, “You make the best sandwiches,” she tells him, taking a bite of the sandwich as Garcia’s eyes flit from Spencer to Y/N. Back and forth, she watches the pair engage in the world’s best miscommunication.

“Y/N, did you hear? I’m throwing a prom!” Garcia says excitedly, hoping that Y/N’s reaction will be more enthusiastic than Spencer’s.

“A prom?” Y/N asks, unconvincingly, “God, I hated my prom. I got punched spilled all over my dress and my date tried to sneak alcohol into the banquet hall. It was a shitshow,” Y/N says, remembering the less than happy memories from high school.

“I didn’t go to prom. You know, between being a 12 year old and a dork,” Spencer says, self deprecatingly, “It’s not the ideal scenario, but I am familiar with the cultural significance of proms in American high school,” Spencer says, speaking to no one in particular, yet looking at Y/N directly.

“Maybe we’ll both get the prom night we deserve, Spence,” Y/N offers, tossing out her wax paper wrapper. She walks past him and it’s like the air is sweeter. He believes in science, but loves magic. Y/N is magic.

“Maybe,” Spencer says, refusing to make eye contact with Penelope, “you know, sorry to uh, cut this short. I have some paperwork to finish. Hotch’s been on me all day about it. So, uh, see you later,” he says, walking out of Penelope's office like a bat out of hell.

He tries to ignore the knowing stares from Penelope and Y/N’s confusion as he ducks out and walks into the bullpen. Spencer doesn’t have paperwork. He finished all his paperwork by 11:12 am. But what Spencer does have is a flight from Vegas to Quantico to book.

And prom shopping.

___

As it turns out, Spencer doesn’t know much about teenage American culture. Sure he’s seen 90s movies that Y/N forced him to watch. But it was quite difficult to pay attention when all he could feel was Y/N’s fingers brushing up against his in their shared bucket of popcorn or her head laying against his shoulder when she got tired.

He doesn’t know much of anything when it comes to romance. But he knows that he loves Y/N— and hopefully that’s enough. He still hasn’t asked her if she’d go with him. Honestly, he’s not too sure why he even has to ask her in the first place. She’s going to be there already, but Garcia and Morgan convinced him that it’s part of the so-called “Prom Experience”

“Spence,” Y/N says, she’s perched on the tall bar stool and rests her elbows on her kitchen island, “did you find a suit yet? I was thinking that we can go to that vintage store on Rock Ave. They have a surprisingly good size selection, and I think that this whole vintage thing fits your aesthetic really well,”

“My aesthetic?” Spencer questions, again lost at sea.

“You know, you’re like nerdy chic. Equal parts dorky and equal parts handsome,” she tells him. He feels his cheeks burn at her words.

Handsome

“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not,” Spencer says, eyeing Y/N over the rim of his hot coffee.

“It is,” Y/N says like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Like him being handsome is just as obvious as him being dorky, “And get your wallet. We’re going to the vintage store,”

Spencer has a hate-love relationship with weekends. He loves spending time with Y/N where it was so easy to pretend that she loves him as he loves her. He hates the weekends for the same reason he loves them. Spencer knows that it’s all fake. It’s a façade of the truth.

“Spence! You’d look great in this,” Y/N suggests, holding up a gray sports coat, “I think it will match your eyes perfectly,”

“If you think so, Y/N,” Spencer says, nodding his head in agreement. She continues eyeing him as if she’s imagining what he’d look like in the jacket. He has to admit, it’s a very nice jacket.

“Come on, Spence. There’s a mirror over in the corner. Try it on for me,” she requests and not even a second later Spencer finds himself being dragged by the hand to try on the suit jacket.

Y/N holds the jacket open for him as he slips it on through his arms. He’s surprised to realize that it fits perfectly. He looks into the mirror, staring at his face and Y/N, who tugs and smooths the jacket. Spencer can’t look too much longer because if he does the lines between reality and fantasy will be difficult to distinguish. As much as he wants to stare into the mirror all day long, pretending that this is real, he much rather it actually be real. But wishing and dreaming only ends up with battle wounds and broken hearts.

“You look very handsome, Spencer. Very handsome,” Y/N says, staring into the mirror too now. But she’s not looking at the jacket, she’s looking at him. The beat of silence lasts longer than what’s comfortable, “Um, I think, I saw some pants that would look good on you, with this jacket, I mean,” she says, stumbling over her words. She’s not looking in the mirror any more, her gaze is noticeably away from Spencer and the mirror.

“Okay, uh, whatever you think, Y/N,” Spencer says, “I’m not even sure why I agreed to this thing. I don’t dance,” he says, regretting his choice to go to Penelope’s prom, but feeling guilty for maybe disappointing Y/N all in one breath.

“Did you ask her yet?” Y/N asks, holding up a pair of similarly gray colored pants. She must notice his confusion, “You know Austin, the woman you heroically saved. Does any of it ring a bell, Spence?” Y/N teases. Spencer feels his cheeks burn and his heart tighten, that happens a lot around Y/N.

“Oh Austin, uh no. She wasn’t interested in me, after all,” Spencer says, shifting his weight and staring at his converse, “I mean, I should have seen it coming. It’s transference, that’s like Psych 101,” he says, feeling strange. It was odd when Austin broke up with him, even if you can consider it breaking up. He felt a strange sense of relief when it happened, like a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

Y/N clicks her tongue in annoyance as she walks over to Spencer. Tugging slightly on the sleeves of the jacket she says, “well she’s not as smart as I thought she was. You have to be a complete fool to let someone like you go,” she says quietly. She’s standing too close, looking too beautiful, and seeming too perfect for Spencer to not be completely enamoured.

Then it breaks, like shattered glass. The rosey glasses are lifted, leaving only cheeks that sting with nervousness and hearts the yearn for something a little more tangible.

“Stop staring at me and go try it on,” Y/N says, handing him the pair of pants, “Oh and I’m going to look for a vest and a tie to match. This store is unbelievable,” she tells him, pushing him into the makeshift dressing room.

Spencer puts on the pants, which fit, despite being maybe an inch or two loose in the waist. He looks into the tall mirror, which is noticeably empty without Y/N standing with him. A floating hand, belonging to Y/N appears. She holds a burgundy tie and a dark brown vest, both of which are very Spencer. He smiles slightly, strangely happy that Y/N has picked something out that’s perfect for him.

“Tell me when you’re decent,” she says, her voice muffled by the curtain that separates them. He sticks his head out of the curtain, his eyes immediately finding Y/N’s.

“Ohh, Spence, you look amazing. Very handsome,” she says, her hands clasped around the tie, tugging just like she did with his suit jacket before, “What do you think?” she asks, looking at him curiously.

“It’s nice,” Spencer offers, approaching this like he does everything: cautiously, “I do like the texture,” he says, running his hands up and down the sleeves of the jacket.

“You look more than nice, Spence. I know I’ve said it like 30 times, but you look very handsome,” she says. Spencer hopes that she means it. He needs something to be real. Sometimes besides what he feels, because what he feels is the realest thing in the world.

“It’s nice to hear,” Spencer says, “you know from someone who’s not my mother,” he jokes, shrugging off the jacket and grabbing the hanger from Y/N.

“You deserve to hear it,” Y/N says so softly Spencer wonders if she’s saying it all. That beat of silence, followed by the awkwardness is back.

“So, uh, I saw a dress that I’m going to try on,” Y/N tells him, her gaze shifting everywhere but Spencer’s eyes.

“I’ll go pay for this,” Spencer says, walking back into the dressing room and the mirror that lies to his face.

___

Back in Y/N’s car, Spencer shifts in the passenger seat trying to find a way to sit comfortably while holding his suit jacket, pants and vest. Y/N hangs up her dress, that’s wrapped in a gown bag. She wouldn’t let Spencer see the dress, despite her practically picking out his entire outfit.

“So what’s next,” Spencer asks, as Y/N gets into the car. She smiles over at him sheepishly, leading Spencer to think she’s got another trick up her sleeve.

“I’ve got a confession, Spence. And please don’t hate me for it,” Y/N says, her voice coming out a little nervous as she eyes Spencer.

“I don’t think I could ever hate you, even if I tried. And I’m certain I’ll never have to,” he says softly, resting his hand over hers on the console. He rubs the back of her hand gently, thinking about just how easy things are with her. If he could only be a little braver, maybe then the mirror wouldn’t be so empty.

“Okay. I knew that things didn’t work out with you and Austin. I overheard you telling Derek,” Y/N confesses, “And I know that it makes me a horrible friend or whatever, but I’m sorry that I eavesdropped,”

“Oh, uh how much did you hear?” Spencer asks, suddenly quite nervous. He can feel his heart drop, waiting for the moment when Y/N laughs at the thought of her loving him. He knows that it’s not fair to her, but then again all is fair is love and war.

“Enough to know that you’re still hung up or or someone else. I left once my conscience got the better of me. Once a Girl Scout, always a Girl Scout,” she says, making the three finger salute that’s common in scouting, “I just wanted to hear it from you, you know you’re my favorite person and all,” she says, a frown forming.

“I think, uh,” Spencer says, “That I was just a little embarrassed. You know how Derek and Penelope and Emily and JJ can get. It’s basically just you and Hotch who aren’t jumping down my throat about being, you know, alone,” he says, chuckling awkwardly.

“They just want to help you, Spence. In their own ways, but I’m always on Team Spencer. You never got to worry about that,” Y/N offers, squeezing his hand.

He considers what she says, not responding verbally, but nodding his head. He hasn’t ever had someone on his “team”, so it’s strange. But a good kind of strange.

“Spence, you okay? I wanted to give you something. To be truthful, I’ve been thinking about how I was going to do this for awhile,”

“Ask me what?” he questions, wondering what she has in store. He watches as Y/N rummages in his bag, clearly looking for something. He’s thoroughly confused when she pulls out a TI-84.

“What on earth?” Spencer says, as she places the calculator in his hands. Her sly grin, beaming up at him only further proves his point: his heart just beats faster around her.

“Just shut and press the on button. You’d think that a genius would know how to work a calculator,” she comments, rolling her eyes playfully.

“You know, I never used these. I can just do it in my head faster,” Spencer says, winking at Y/N when she pushes him teasingly.

“God, Spencer just turn it on!” she demands, very apparently getting more and more impatient.

He turns the calculator on and is brought to a green screen that has a picture of a graph. Spencer raises his eyebrow, as if to ask Y/N for the next direction.

“Press the graph button,” she says, getting quieter as Spencer looks at her.

He presses the button that she said to, waiting for whatever is supposed to happen. Spencer watches as the screen draws four black lines running parallel to each other. A curved line is drawn on the first two black lines, forming the letters “P” and “R”. The screen continues to draw, making an oval that looks like an “O” and the last two parallel lines are joined together with a “v” shape, forming the letter “M”. He takes a second glance, reading the 4 letter word slowly.

P-R-O-M

“Well?” she asks, waiting for his answer.

He’s speechless. Spencer blinks. It’s like his brain has stopped working. It’s a prom, a stupid prom that’s 10 years too late. But it’s the girl of dreams that’s asking him. And that’s the stuff those rom-coms he couldn’t pay attention to are made of.

“I mean, of course. Of course, Y/N,” Spencer says, dropping the calculator into the cup holder and leaning in to hug Y/N.

His heart stops again. Falling into that tricky habit of either speeding up or stopping when she’s around. He thinks he’s ready to implode when she pecks his cheek. Her lips don’t linger, hardly touching his skin for it to be considered a kiss.

“I don’t think I’d want to go with anyone else,” she says, mumbling into his skin. She seals his fate with her lips against his skin. Never again will Spencer imagine what it’s like to have her lips against his skin. Even though it’s a fraction of the time he’d want, it’s tattooed in his mind.

“I’m not much of a dancer, by the way,” Spencer says, reluctantly letting go and sitting back into the passenger’s seat, “so don’t expect too much,” he jokes.

“Oh you better watch it, Doctor Reid. I’m getting you on the dance floor, even if you hate it,” Y/N says, smiling as she backs out of the parking spot and turns into the street.

Spencer looks out the window, thinking to himself that there’s probably nothing he can hate if he’s doing it with Y/N.

Spencer didn’t go to prom in high school. He didn’t do a lot of the traditional things that most former high schoolers reminisce about at his age. He didn’t go to football games or have a best friend to make lifelong memories with.

He didn’t have any of that, until now.

But it’s prom night, 10 years late. His hands are sweaty and his mouth feels dry. Spencer wasn’t this nervous for even his first day at the BAU all those years ago. He tries to fix the burgundy tie that Y/N picked out at the vintage store. It looks crooked and twisted. Nothing like when Y/N tied perfectly in the store for him. He supposes that he can wait till she comes to pick him up.

The mirror, again, is noticeably empty without Y/N standing beside him. He can get lost in there, thinking about her standing with him. He does, because it feels like seconds later when he hears a rapid knocking on his apartment door.

Standing on the other side of the door is Y/N. She wears a sage green dress that looks like it’s made of softest silk. He smiles at her, not sure if he can trust his words. Spencer doesn’t think he’ll be able to do much thinking when all he can focus on is the tiny straps that rest on her shoulders or how the sage green compliments her skin tone.

“You look, god. You’re beautiful,” Spencer says, partly under his breath partly aloud to Y/N, “so beautiful,” he says again, focusing on her eyes.

“And you’re looking very dashing in that suit, Spence,” she says, pushing her way in, “do you need help with your tie?” she asks, looking at the tie he holds in his hand.

“Yes, please,” he says sheepishly. He holds out the burgundy colored tie, but takes his hand back as an idea crosses his mind, “oh wait here, I’ll be right back,” Spencer says, walking quickly to his bedroom.

“Alright,” Y/N says sceptically, “Don’t ditch me, Reid!” she calls out from the living room.

Spencer returns, hiding the new tie behind his back. He places an olive green tie with dusty blue and pink flowers in her hands. He notices her smile grow, realizing that he’s picking a new tie for a reason.

“I might not know much about prom, but I think that we’re supposed to match. You know, since we’re going together,” he offers, “but I need help putting it on,” he says.

“We’re going to match!” Y/N says excitedly. As she unbuttons the first button on Spencer’s cream colored shirt he holds his breath. He can’t breathe when she’s this close. Her fingers are quick and nimble as they feed the tie around his neck and elegantly create a knot. If Spencer wasn’t already in love, he knows that watching her eyes twinkle and her tongue poke out as she concentrates would make him declare it then and there.

“So handsome,” she says, using that quiet voice that makes it seem like she’s talking to herself rather than him, “I can’t wait to dance with you,” she tells him tugging the tie.

“I’m not going to be good, Y/N. I’m going to be a fool,” Spencer says, lamenting already about what an idiot he’s going to look like in front of Y/N.

“That’s nonsense, Spence,” Y/N says, waving him away with a toss of her hand, “You’re going to be the best dancer there,” she tells him rubbing her hand up and down his arm, like she did at the store.

“Would you believe it, if I told you I never danced with anyone?” Spencer says, being the most honest and true he’s ever been.

“We can change that,” Y/N says, stepping towards Spencer and linking her hand in his. She squeezes, restarting and stopping his heart all in one go, “oh wait we need music,” she says, feeling around for where her phone usually is.

“I got it,” Spencer says, stepping away from Y/N. He walks over to the small record player in the corner of his living room. He doesn’t play it too often, the records he has were once his mother’s and they’re too painful to play most days. But Spencer’s sure that he can make every exception to all his rules for Y/N. Maybe he’ll get some happy memories out of it.

“Going old school I see,” Y/N says, teasingly as Spencer walks over grabbing both his hands in hers, “everything about you is very charming, Doctor Reid,” she says, softly swaying to the jazzy tunes of Sarah Vaughan.

“I’m not too sure about that,” Spencer says, following Y/N’s lead as she floats around his living room, carrying him everywhere she goes. She rests her head against his chest and Spencer swears that she’s going to get a concussion from how hard his heart beats.

They’re alone, no audience to witness the moment that Spencer wonders if he can dare to call intimate. It’s intimate to him because every moment with Y/N is intimate. Maybe if someone had told Spencer that dancing like this could bring pure paradise all the way from your fingertips to your eyelashes, maybe he would have done it sooner.

“You’re quite the romantic, Spencer,” Y/N says as the song comes to a close. The record player stops, but they don’t stop swaying, “And you told me you couldn’t dance,” she scoffs lightly, with her head still resting against his chest.

“Is that okay with you?” He asks, “me being romantic,”

“I don’t think that I’d want it any other way, Spencer,” Y/N says, removing her head from his chest and her hand from his. She cups his face, touching him lightly. Y/N holds him like he aches to be held. It’s gentle and tender, yet leaves him desiring more.

“Honest?” Spencer asks, daring to be brave.

“Truly,” she responds.

Spencer shifted slightly, so he can also hold her face in his hands. Y/N drops her hands though, wrapping them around Spencer’s waist to pull them closer together. Spencer’s phantom fingers are like that dance around that dance around Y/N’s skin.

It’s Y/N that initiates the kiss. She moves in slowly and tenuously, looking just as nervous as Spencer is. He’s shaky slightly, the anticipation getting to his head when all he can see is Y/N’s eyes looking into his and all he can think about is how soft her skin is. It’s all he’s ever wanted to think about. Her lips are soft and pillowy.

But it’s more than that.

Kissing her is everything to Spencer. It’s the breathy sighs she lets out as he moves his hands and rests them securely behind her neck. It’s the peachy scent of her perfume that’s so sweet and strong it should be overwhelming when all it is, is intoxicating. Kissing her is dizzying and terrifying, but wonderful and sweet. He can’t tell where his lips start and where her’s end, but it doesn’t matter.

He doesn’t open his eyes because he knows he’s facing the mirror. But unlike before, he doesn’t need a mirror to know what he’s looking at. He can look into his soul for that.

“Very romantic,” Y/N says, smiling through the quick kisses she plants on his jawline, “I always thought you’d be a romantic,” he tells him.

Spencer brushes his thumb over Y/N’s bottom lip. It’s puffy and bitten from his kisses, but he thinks that it would be a shame to not bite and kiss it some more. He smiles so hard he knows that he’ll wake up in the morning and his mouth will hurt. But that’s the least of his worries if Y/N’s there to kiss it better.

“Honest?” Spencer says, calling back to the song, that’s now their song.

“Truly,”

---

TAGLIST (ADD YOURSELF HERE)

@shemarmooresfedora @willowrose99 @calm-and-doctor @spideygenius @measure-in-pain @nomajdetective @spencerreid9 @saspencereid @laurakirsten0502 @winifrede @muffin-cup @idonotexiste @pastelbabygirl19 @strawberryspence @g0lden-cth @spookydrreid

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader fluff #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds fics #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader happy ending #spencer reid x reader one shot #spencer reid deserved a happy ending #criminal minds fanfiction

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jjungkookislife · 3 years

Text

Quarterly Fic Recs 2021 #2

Hello! I’m back with another rec list! Here are fics I’ve read, loved and thoroughly enjoyed in the second quarter of 2021! They are all very wonderful fics! Each story has its own genre, warnings (and are mostly 18+), so please take that into consideration before reading. If any authors would like me to untag them, please let me know. Enjoy!

Yoongi

before i leave you @hollyhomburg

summary: Yoongi Disappears- leaving behind a shattered pack. 8 months later, Jimin finds Yoongi in an H-mart of all places.

Hoseok

heart-on @junghelioseok

summary: my boss is always telling me how perfect her son would be for me and she promises he’s coming to the next holiday party and don’t worry he’s heard all about me too and ALSO there’s this dude i slept with once a couple of months ago and sometimes he still sends me dick pics when i ask him to at 3 in the morning cause seriously dude’s got a good dick

Jungkook

charmolypi @njssi

summary: Work and pleasure should never be combined — or so the saying goes. But you were never really one to follow the rules in their entirety and neither were the ones around you. Love, lust, interest. Five people. In the workplace. What could go wrong? Everyone just wants to get something, after all.

when you least expect it @johobi

summary: You’re in love with your childhood friend, Taehyung. The problem is, you treasure your friendship with him far too much to ever risk losing it. Oh, and he’s quite the Casanova. At your wits’ end with feelings you can no longer hide as diligently as you once did, you ask him to set you up with someone, anyone, in a last ditch attempt to avoid a heartbreaking conversation.

wherever there is you @jeonstudios

summary: you’ve been drinking, haven’t you?

instant gratification @dovechim

fuckboi@jungkook x cheerleader!reader

haze @yyooni

summary: So you’ve fucked the biggest fuck boy on campus. It’s a one and done. One night stand. A wham bam thank you ma’am. So why does it happen again?

OT7/Multiple Members

because i’m yours @minniepetals

summary: you should have known they’d never let you go after gathering the courage to ask for a kiss

blazed @ironicarmy

summary: Your friends try to cheer you up during Christmastime, but things go south once Hoseok appears with a mysterious brown bag.

Seokjin

one step @cutechim

summary: attending an ex’s wedding is never easy, but you might just have the perfect remedy—if you can pluck up the courage to take it.

platonic @joheunsaram

summary: Finding a new method for stress relief, you rope in your bestfriend/fwb to try it out with you.

show me yours and i’ll show you mine @ktheist

summary: you’re a horny bunny yet kim seokjin always seems to manage to slide out of your grasps like a fox every time.

Yoongi

before i leave you pt. 7 @/hollyhomburg

summary: Pack omega kim Seokjin knows how to handle things when they go south (or alternatively you get triggered, Yoongi has a panic attack, and it’s a good thing the pack is there to help)

Hoseok

risky business @yoonjinkooked

summary: The person who invented smart glass office walls knew what they were doing. Your secretary fucks you stupid in the office.

snapshot @xjoonchildx

summary: after a day at the beach, hoseok has some surprises in store for his longtime love

keep me warm @ppersonna

summary: camping is always a great time when you’re with your friends, but even better with your boyfriend, hoseok.

it’s you @jinpanman

summary: An accidental confession throws your years-long friendship with Hoseok into disarray.

Namjoon

love bytes @stutterfly

summary: It’s been a year since you first met Kim Namjoon, the passionate, talented English professor at the local campus. He’s always been clumsy and aloof, but he’s on a whole new level in terms of “technologically incapable.” One call to IT was all it took to pull you into his life, and with it a whole string of friendships full of flirtatious banter and undying support.

Your dating situation has been drier than the Sahara for years now, and you’ve wasted too many lonely nights drinking alone, so you try your hand at Tinder. But you’re not getting any bites. When the group finds out, they are more than willing to help–even Namjoon, though he finds it increasingly difficult to deny that he’s hopelessly smitten. You consider their opinions on potential Tinder dates while fighting off feelings you never knew were brewing for the caring soul who becomes the home you never had.

out of my league @/ppersona

summary: Kim Namjoon was never supposed to find out about your years-long hopeless crush on him. And he most definitely was not supposed to find out about it in front of all your coworkers in a company-wide meeting.

so this is love @jinpanman

summary: “So this is the miracle that I’ve been dreaming of. So this is love.”

problem solved @sugasbabiie

summary: Namjoon helps you with more than math problems tonight.

love is @hxseok-honee

summary: they say that love is supposed to transcend time and space and that it knows no limits. but putting an ocean and thousands of miles between two people won’t make things any easier, will it?

Jimin

potent pink @dntaewithluv

summary: The first time you see Park Jimin you’re instantly entranced by him. And it turns out he lives in the apartment next to the one you’re moving into, so even better he’s your hot neighbor. When the previous tenant confesses to you that he was the best hook up she ever had, you’re that much more intrigued. The first time you meet him, however, you’re deciding immediately that you hate him and want to stay as far away from him as possible. Jimin is determined to be a constant in your life though, and he definitely is that. Both a constant flirt and a constant pain in your ass. Is a ruined second impression enough to prevent you from ever giving him a second chance?

Taehyung

hush, yeah? @kithtaehyung

summary: the innocent accident that started it all

unfinished business @/dntaewithluv

summary: Besides wanting to catch up with some old friends, there’s only one reason you found yourself agreeing to attend your 10 year high school reunion. The boy you were in love with back then is going to be there, and you’re determined to finally make your move. Except, unfortunately, it turns out that Kim Seokjin is very much happily married. Kim Taehyung, however, is very much single and feels like he has something to prove to you after you turned him down all those years ago. One night is all it takes to make you realize you made the biggest mistake of your life.

under the covers @jessikahathaway

spy!au

darling @bloomsuga

summary: “go to sleep, darling.”

as endless as the stars ^

summary: he waited 160 years to meet you again, and now that he has, he’s not letting go. or: “i love you as deep as the ocean and as endless as the stars”

dirty dishes @jaysdimples

summary: when your boyfriend can’t seem to keep his hands to himself so he stirs up a little trouble in the kitchen while everyone else is a few feet away in the next room

devotion @/sweetbunnykook

summary: You and Taehyung were inseparable once. When you come back to your hometown after three years, fate pulls you back to him. And this time, Taehyung won’t ever keep his eyes off of you.

Jungkook

commercial break; twelve @1kook

summary: Anyway, if it was up to Jungkook, Kim Doyeon would not be a member of the Engagement Ring Committee.

tease @adonis-koo

summary:You came with the intentions of your best friend landing a job as a stripper. You never meant to catch the eyes of the king stripper of the establishment- Jeon Jungkook, yourself. With what was supposed to be a harmless way of paying off college debt faster you find yourself falling into a very odd and passionate relationship with your new mentor. Between infidelity, passion and jealousy there’s never a dull moment at Cherry Bomb.

jock!jk @angelguk

summary: going raw with jock jk

evolution of a lover’s heart @jeonstudios

summary: the rules are simple: first one to take the virginity wins.

euphoria @btssavedmylifeblr

summary: At the end of your life, you are given one day to live again with the man you loved. A lifetime’s love story told in a single day.

idealizations concerning real life relations @venusiangguk

summary: jungkook loves to be loved, but he doesn’t love in return.

relax @itsbuffsanta

summary: jk is antsy after the concert, so you help him relax.

employee of the month @/dntaewithluv

summary: Sometimes it truly amazes you how much of an idiot your boyfriend can be. But you also find it impossible to say no to him. Even when it involves letting him fuck you at his work on the same day that he gets awarded employee of the month…

ego 08 @suga-kookiemonster

summary: what’s a girl to do when her sweet, innocent baby lab partner isn’t quite so sweet and innocent? well, he’s a grown-ass man, and you’re about to learn that the hard way.

only you 10 @sweetbunnykook

summary: Jeon Jungkook, your wedding photographer, helps you escape on your big day upon learning about a secret your groom-to-be kept hidden. You soon fall for this young, passionate photographer. However, you underestimated just how much he was willing to reciprocate that love. Maybe, you think, he’s loving you just a little too much.

lunchbox lovers @jiminrings

stem major!koo x cold senior!y/n

crunchyroll & rail @/1kook

summary: Never mind the fact you really like Sailor Moon, or that you really want to pay attention to every little detail; the moment becomes Jungkook and his big smile and his red cheeks and the tiny box he produces from within his pocket.

only for you @jikookiekosmos

summary: It’s the night before your wedding and you should be happy…but a fight with your fiancé leaves you second guessing everything. A visit from the blue-haired boy of your dreams is just what you need to make it right.

lillies @dewykth

summary: “… white lines, pretty baby, tattoos, don’t know what they mean, they’re special just for you…”

bluekooberry @kimtaehyunq

summary: Your adoring boyfriend, Jungkook, surprises you with a brand new hairstyle before your trip to visit him for the weekend. He’s excited to see you, feed you, and give you exactly what you want.

bad reputation @noteguk

summary: in which you have to deal with some strange emotions for the first time.

not yet @bratkook

summary: jungkook feels the pang of guilt in his gut when you spot your recent ex out with his new girl, and what better way to make the jerk hurt than to have him believe you were now dating him, the neighbor he had been insecure about your whole relationship

incoming: elite chatboy @kookingtae

summary: welcome to Elite Chatroom, a sex chat company with a wide variety of services such as text messaging, phone call, and video chat. you signed up online for the most basic text service plan not knowing what to expect, but you certainly didn’t think you’d end up actually liking the man behind the screen.

ineffable @euphoria-vmin7

summary: your best friend Jeon Jeongguk has always been amazing and deserved the best, so you’ve hid your love for him. But unbeknowsnt to you, there may be feelings that could change everything between you two…

touch @gardentulips

summary: when you tease and please one another

Multiple Members

friendly fire @kpopfanfictrash

summary: The dynamic: Hoseok; your friend and previous fuck buddy. Jungkook; Hoseok’s roommate and subject of your massive crush. The scene: determined not to drunk-gush about your crush any more (to his face), you decide to seclude yourself from all campus parties. Until, of course, Hoseok guilts you into a favor. Things spiral from there.

the boys are back in town @/dntaewithluv

summary: Getting stood up by your date definitely hadn’t been on your agenda for the evening. Also definitely not on your agenda: bumping into Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook. Together. On the same exact night. It’s been a while since you’ve seen your two best friends, as well as lovers on multiple occasions, from your high school and college days. A chance meeting, some drinks, and a trip down memory lane is all it takes to reignite the attraction between the three of you. Old habits die hard, but these two? They just might be the death of you.

ruin you @taegularities

summary: “His eyes hold unfathomable darkness that lures you in, captures your very soul, steals any air you are trying to draw. And you know without a doubt that you’re on the path to utter and irrevocable ruination.”

ruin you (once more) ^

summary: Taehyung and Jungkook can’t keep their hands off you. Not even in the elevator.

Seokjin

kairos @luffles424

summary: When your financial aid falls through for your last year of school, you fear you’ll have to drop out and postpone your degree. Until Taehyung gives you a suggestion to make a lot of money, quick. His idea can’t possibly end well, can it?

appetence @luffles424

summary: appetence (n.) - an eager desire, an instinctive inclination; an attraction or a natural bondIt’s time for Seokjin’s rut. Are either of you prepared for this step?

tiny lights, tiny lies @ggukcangetit

summary: you aren’t sure when exactly your best friend’s brother went from being an oddly annoying set of broad shoulders to the shoulders you frequently fell asleep against.

Yoongi

the little things @kimtaehyunq

summary: When the present isn’t exactly enough for you right now, Yoongi is here for you through it all. He makes sure you know you aren’t alone and that it’s ok to feel alone.

cyberslut @kimnjss

summary: he has no idea who you are… up front, you’re sweet and innocent - but in reality you’re the exact opposite. running your own nsfw account, where your favorite topic is his hands.

yoongi drabble @joonsgalore

life guard au

Hoseok

benefits @cutechim

summary: you and hoseok have taken the ‘friends’ out of friends with benefits, but exclusivity has its own perks.

Namjoon

namjoon drabble @lovetrivia

summary: You’re a hot girl on Twitch and Namjoon is an absolute simp.

Jimin

baby fever @writtenwhalien

summary: Jimin wants another baby, and much to your delight, he’s determined to give you one.

jimin drabble @/1kook

best friend au

small hands jimin drabble @lavishedinjimin

established relationship au

silk and lace @sunshyngal

summary: Min Nara is the newly dumped fiance to the Crown prince of Korea, Park Jimin. She’s not overtly upset , because at least now she can live her life without the pressure of the monarchy hanging over her head. Besides , Nara has a very dirty little secret. While she spends the day as the perfect high society girl with an impeccable pedigree , her nights are filled with lacy lingerie and webcams. Ignored by the man she’s meant to marry, she revels in the greedy lust of strangers on the internet. It’s her way of saying ‘fuck you’ to a system that sees her as nothing but a toy, molded for the future King. Park Jimin doesn’t know the first thing about his supposed fiancee. And he has no intention of learning either. He knows just what debutante girls are like and he has no patience for the kind. Besides, his girlfriend of three years, the elegant and independent Irene is everything he would ever want in a wife . Or is she?Because in the secrecy of his office , after the day’s work is done , Park Jimin has a very scintillating vice that he likes to indulge in : the beautiful camgirl who calls herself the Temptress. Jimin can’t get enough of the girl’s lush thighs wrapped in silk, the pretty pink of her nipples in see through bralettes and the glittering temptation of the jeweled plugs she likes to stuff herself full with.Jimin thinks she embodies everything he can never allow himself to have as a Prince : filth, sin and decadence , all wrapped up in Silk and Lace.

Taehyung

nip it in the bud @opaljm

summary: You’re not sure how you ended up here, but maybe a shitty ex and a horrible breakup had a hand in what placed you in front of the tattoo parlor. It was already a nerve-wracking experience, but what you never expected was seeing that the owner and artist giving you nipple piercings was your older brother’s best friend you hadn’t seen in ages. to make things even worse, he got fucking hotter.

taehyung drabble @joonsgalore

sugar daddy au

peanut @jungxk

summary: the making of peanut.

Jungkook

pretty kitty @venusiangguk

summary: you’re jk’s baby, his toy, and now his pretty little pet.

heavy metal @hisunshiine

summary: You come home from a trip to find your fuckbuddy has a… hole-y surprise.

devour @bloomsuga

summary: my sweet angel… i am going to devour you

grain of sand @jungkookiebus

summary: Blind since the age of 18 from a genetic disorder, Jungkook walked through life as if he never lost it, but on one fateful day seven years ago he literally almost runs into you. He fell in love nearly immediately. Fast forward to the present and it’s just another day in your quiet life with him by your side.

under the oak tree @mingoyeob

summary: as the eldest daughter of a duke, it’s your duty to marry at your father’s will. yet you didn’t expect to be marrying jeon jungkook, a knight of low status, especially when he departs for an expedition without another word after your first night. when he comes back three years later, this time as a renowned hero, how will you be able to face him and how will things change between you and your new husband?

jungkook drabble @1kook

dilf!jk

commercial break: thirteen ^

summary: Because for as much shit as you let him get away with, Jungkook is certain you’ll draw the line today.

sh. @wwilloww

summary: How could you say no to a month away in the mountains with your friends after six months of grueling quarantine?

jungkook drabble @lavishedinjimin

daddy!jk

OT7/Multiple Members

the end @jimlingss

summary: It’s been a habit of yours to vent in the form of love letters. There’s six in total. They’re kept secret, hidden in your closet. But on your 30th birthday, what you least expect is for each letter to become reality. All done by the whacky ghost of Christmas future trying to grant your birthday wish.

#jjungkookislife fic recs #jjungkookislife fic recs masterlist #fic recs #fic recs masterlist

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ghostgothgeek · 3 years

Text

Shallow.

Another for the Phic Phight 2021! 4,596 words. Rated T for mean girl shit.

FFN || AO3

Danny finds out why Paulina and Sam actually hate each other. Prompt by Ozone.

I had actually been planning on writing this before it was a Phic Phight prompt, and had even started writing it already! I refuse to believe that Sam would just hate a girl for no reason.

The "Danny and Sam meeting in detention in 7th grade" is a nod to Myaibou's The Lunch Club. I love that being the way the trio met. This author has a lot of other great fics too, I highly recommend!

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“So I’m thinking about organizing a rally against police violence. Would you guys want to join?” Sam asked her two friends at lunch. She was poking at her salad.

“Yeah! Something I’ll actually want to do!” Tucker exclaimed, forcing Sam to fist bump.

“Sweet. How about you Danny?”

“Yeah, I’m in,” Danny popped a fry into his mouth and grinned.

“Awesome! Okay so, I was thinking next weekend at the park. We can make flyers and posters and make an event on social media to get people interested. Would you mind doing that Tucker?” Sam pulled up her checklist on her phone.

“Huh? Yeah sure. Remind me later.”

“Danny, do you think we could maybe have a short appearance from Phantom? I feel like having a celebrity of sorts would really get people excited,” Sam continued. After no reply from Danny, she glanced up at her two friends, noticing they were distracted once again by Paulina. Sam rolled her eyes. “Danny?”

“Uh huh. Sure.”

Sam let out a sigh of frustration. “We could even reveal your secret, make a huge event out of it.”

“Yeah, yeah. I feel you,” Tucker replied.

“And then I can jump off the roof in a pink tutu…” Sam added.

“Sounds good,” Danny sighed and rested his head in his hand.

“Then I’ll mud wrestle my parents in a floral bikini.”

“Yeah that sucks,” Danny replied again.

Sam just groaned, “You guys aren’t even listening to me!”

Danny glanced at her. “Yeah we are! Something about a uh….poster? Environment thing?”

Tucker finally looked at her as well. “Did you say something about you wearing a bikini?”

“Argh! Stop staring at Paulina for two seconds please!” She drummed her fingernails on the table impatiently.

“Wait, Sam’s wearing a bikini? But it’s winter!” Danny replied to Tucker’s comment.

Sam let out a small scream and started packing her stuff up. “Ugh, forget it!”

Noticing Sam was about to leave, Danny put a hand on her shoulder to sit her back down. “No no no, don’t leave Sam! You have our attention.”

“Really? Because it seems to me you two were just making a puddle of drool that would still be less shallow than Paulina.” Sam glared at the girl in question, who was clinging to Dash and trying to get his attention as Kwan put forks up his nose to look like a walrus.

“Jeeze, lay off. What’s your problem with Paulina?” Tucker turned back towards his friends and sipped at his energy drink. It had been a long night capturing Technus.

“Yeah, you just hated her from day one. She didn’t do anything! She literally just moved here,” Danny added.

“No, she didn’t. You just never noticed her until other guys started to. And I have my reasons.” Sam stabbed at her salad harshly, as if she was making a Paulina voodoo doll out of her food.

“Well then, why? Why do you hate her?”

“I don’t just hate her. She hates me too. It’s a mutual hate,” Sam growled.

“Okay but why?” Tucker chimed in.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sam said shortly.

“Well either tell us or stop complaining,” Tucker replied.

Danny made a grab for her fork and held it away from her. “Danny, give me my fork back.”

“No,” Danny said stubbornly. “We’re your best friends! You can tell us anything. And trust me, I’m desperate to hear your reasoning.”

Both boys stared her down. She would have stabbed both of them with her fork if she still had it. She was pissed. But then Danny’s stare down turned into his puppy dog eyes and pout, which she knew he knew would get her to cave. Damn him. She turned her focus to Tucker so she could keep her angry face, but he too started pouting. Sam hated when they ganged up on her like this. She could usually save face when Tucker pouted. Danny’s big sad questioning eyes almost always swayed her. She could get either of them to cave with a glare or, in very rare cases, her puppy dog eyes. It was so rare that it would immediately get her what she wanted. But when two of them ganged up on the remaining member of the trio, it was difficult to say no.

Sam let out a long groan. “Fine. If you can actually focus and not stare at the queen bee for two minutes, I’ll tell you.” As soon as that was out of her mouth, both boys stood up straight and focused all their attention on her, eager to finally hear why the two girls despised each other so much. “And we will never bring this up again. What I tell you doesn’t leave this table.” Both boys nodded unanimously. “Okay, remember those few years from 3rd grade to 6th grade when I went to a different school?” The boys nodded again. “Well, I never really told you guys why I was only there for a few years. You obviously know the part about my parents wanting to send me to a different school after that fiasco with the lunch box in 2nd grade, but they forced me to go to a private school. In 5th grade, Paulina moved to Amity Park from Florida. And...ugh, this is gross...We…” She trailed off and muttered something the boys didn’t catch.

“What?” Both boys pressed.

“We...used to be...friends,” Sam choked the words out.

Both Danny and Tucker’s eyes widened, eyebrows raised in complete surprise. They thought Paulina moved here in 9th grade, but of course if she went to the private school, they never would have seen her. They definitely didn’t hang out in the same places or with the same people. Hell, they forgot Sam existed until she went back to public school again in 7th grade with her goth look. Before that, they weren’t even friends with Sam, just classmates. Then all three of them had to spend a week in detention with each other, they became friends, and the rest is history. Sam’s break in private school was the reason they were still learning some things about her, like her playing video games and her family being wealthy. It was shocking that her and Paulina were friends once upon a time, because now the girls wouldn’t even talk to each other or acknowledge each other.

“What happened?” Tucker asked in dismay.

“Armageddon.”

“Class, please welcome our new student Paulina Sanchez. She moved here all the way from Florida!” Mrs. Wellington clapped her hands, motioning for her students to do the same. “Miss Sanchez, there is an empty seat behind Miss Manson. Miss Manson, please raise your hand.”

Sam Manson raised her hand as she studied the new girl. She seemed nice enough. She couldn’t tell if they had the same style or not because they had to wear uniforms, but she had a pretty butterfly clip in her long wavy hair. Paulina had some pink lipgloss on and already looked like she was….developing - even at 10 years old. She smiled at Sam and took her seat behind her.

Once the teacher started getting their math lesson started, Paulina whispered in Sam’s ear. “I love your bow, it’s so pretty!”

Sam smiled and glanced back at the new girl. “Thanks! I like your clip. Do you want to sit with me and my friends at lunch today?”

“Yes please! I don’t know anyone in this weird town.”

“I’m Samantha. Samantha Manson.” She stuck her hand out.

Paulina, with a perfect manicure, shook Sam’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”

For the entirety of 5th grade, Sam and Paulina had become nearly inseparable. They played with Paulina’s large dollhouse when they got together after school, they skipped rope and chanted nursery rhymes at recess, and braided each other’s hair at lunch. There weren’t many kids at the private school, for it was very exclusive...and expensive.

That fact had been Pamela Manson’s primary reason for sending her daughter to that school. Public school was turning her sweet daughter into a barbarian. Fighting with boys at school? Well, considering the boy threw up in her lunch box, the fight was almost justified. Almost. The Mansons were disgusted that the teachers would allow that to happen. Samantha had only been in public school in the first place due to her grandmother’s persistence. Ida Manson insisted public school would be better for their little Sammykins. She would meet more people that way. Reluctantly, Pamela and Jeremy agreed. Although the Mansons were furious at first that their little girl had gotten in trouble, they were eventually delighted because they now had an excuse to send Samantha to a better and more dignified school.

Pamela Manson adored Paulina. She was glad her daughter had finally picked a proper friend. Samantha had been getting a little too close with those two boys who always riled her up. Folten or Fenton or something. Foley? She didn’t care to remember, her daughter wouldn’t be seeing them anymore. Paulina wore pretty pink dresses and was always groomed properly and well behaved. She had hoped Paulina would be a better influence on Sam after those boys. Plus, Pamela loved outings with the Sanchez family. She and Isabella had frequent mother-daughter outings with their girls.

Everything was perfect until 6th grade started. A few weeks into that first semester, all hell broke loose.

“Hey guys,” Sam sat down at her lunch table, joining Paulina and a few other girls she had become friends with.

“Hey Samantha!”

“Samantha, Kylie was just telling me how pretty my hair is!” Paulina bragged.

“It is lovely,” Sam commented, opening up her lunch box and discarding the meat products her mom had the butler slip in. Paulina had originally thought it was a little odd that Sam did that, but when her friend explained it was because she loved animals so much, Paulina agreed that they were too cute to eat but kept on with her own ways.

“I know!” Paulina chirped.

“Wow, Samantha. Your hair is really pretty too!” Kylie reached out a hand and started running her fingers through Sam’s almost hip-length black hair. “Oooh and it’s so soft!” A few other girls joined Kylie in playing with Sam’s hair.

“Thanks,” Sam laughed. She really didn’t care, but she found it amusing that her friends were so enthralled by her hair.

“What about mine?” Paulina pouted, upset the attention wasn’t on her anymore.

“Yours isn’t as soft, but it’s still nice!” One of the girls replied, still enamoured with Sam’s raven locks. “Is this your natural color?” Sam’s nod was followed up with coos of approval.

Paulina crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at the other girls. Sam was her best friend. She loved Sam. But Sam didn’t care about that kind of stuff. Paulina did! She was used to getting more attention from people. Paulina was the first in their grade to get a bra, she liked to flirt with boys, and she loved being pampered. When outside of school, Sam didn’t really dress up anymore. She would just wear dark t-shirts and shorts and put her hair up into a ponytail. She wouldn’t even let Paulina put flowers in her hair to make her more girly! Instead, Sam scolded her for killing a living thing and disrupting nature or something stupid like that.

After Sam and her family had taken a short visit to one of the industrial plants they owned, she hadn’t been the same. Sam had told Paulina that there was trash in all the pretty trees and flowers, and then Sam had done some research and found out that her parents’ friends’ companies tested on animals, polluted the environment, and had poor labor conditions. She was really upset about it and thought things were wrong, and Paulina would just politely agree with her. She liked that Sam loved the earth and stuff, but then it started to get really annoying.

Sam started reading these weird books after their class learned about Edgar Allan Poe. Stuff about magic and mythology and the occult. Even though Paulina and the other girls thought it was weird, Sam was still their friend. Kind of. Paulina was going to drop Sam until she had been invited to the Manson mansion and found out just how rich Sam’s family was. That kept Sam in good standing with Paulina. Despite the weird factor, Sam was still admired. Sam got better grades than Paulina. Sam got attention from boys because she would still play kickball in her jumper and didn’t mind getting dirty. Sam’s family had a bigger house than Paulina’s. Sam’s family had more money. Sam’s hair was softer, longer, prettier than Paulina’s.

As Paulina watched her friends doting on Sam, taking turns to play with Sam’s hair, she realized she was a little jealous. No matter how hard Paulina had flaunted herself and tried to show up Sam, she felt like Sam always won in the end. It was extra annoying because Sam was so nice. Everyone loved her. Everyone wanted to hang out with her. Sam was a lot of things Paulina tried so hard to be, and Sam had done everything so effortlessly. It wasn’t fair!

They were both very dominant girls, and Paulina realized there wasn’t enough room for the both of them. She needed to prove to everyone, to herself, that she was better and she was in charge of things. Filthy rich or not, Paulina began to ice Sam out and Sam didn’t even seem to notice! After trying and failing to persuade the other girls to drop Sam, she realized she would need to take more drastic measures. She could make people not like Sam anymore. She could make her hair prettier than Sam’s. Sure, it was petty and low, but petty and low is what teenagers are.

Paulina ignored the lesson and stared at the back of Sam’s hair. It was so shiny and looked so soft. Sam smiled as she felt Paulina pulling her long black hair onto her desk, blocking Paulina’s view of her textbook. Paulina pretended to play with Sam’s hair as she dug something out of her purse. After a few minutes, Paulina had shoved several sticks of gum in her mouth, chomping spitefully as she stared at Sam’s hair. Paulina silently spit the large wad of gum into her hand and she carefully placed it on top of Sam’s hair. Furiously but nonchalantly slamming her text book shut with Sam’s hair and the gum still in the middle of it. That should get the gum thoroughly stuck in her hair. Paulina grinned to herself as she tried opening the textbook again, the pages stuck to the hair and gum mess she had made.

When the class all stood up to go to lunch, Sam cried out as Paulina’s textbook yanked her head back. “What?” Sam tried to figure out what was going on, looking behind her.

“Oh my god!” A boy in the class yelled, which caught the attention of the rest of the class, causing them to start yelling as well. The teacher scrambled over to see what was wrong, trying to get Sam’s hair out of the textbook.

“Ow!” Sam yelled and glanced back at Paulina, who pretended to be shocked as she covered her mouth with her hands.

“Oh no Samantha! I’m so sorry, it was an accident!”

Tears welled up in Sam’s eyes as the situation got progressively worse. The teacher told all the kids to go to lunch as she worked on Sam’s hair in the classroom alone. It was no use. The teacher grabbed some scissors and began cutting as low as she could. “I’m so sorry sweetie.”

Sam sat there furiously, eyes full of tears. She knew Paulina had done that on purpose. Paulina had been meaner to her lately and they weren’t allowed to have gum in class! She reached back and felt her choppy hair that now landed a little past her shoulders. When the class had returned from lunch, they were all gasping and pointing at Sam’s hair.

Though the teacher had given Paulina a detention and made her pay a fine to replace the textbook, Sam didn’t feel that was a fair punishment. The teacher had sent Sam home and apologized profusely to Pamela Manson, who had called the school screaming and demanding the teacher be fired. Sam’s hair had to be cut even shorter to even it out; it now sat about an inch or so above her shoulders.

“Oh yeah, that’s pretty shitty,” Danny commented as Sam finished the story.

Tucker nodded his head in agreement. “Yeah that’s pretty low.”

Sam sighed as she ran her hand through her hair. She had kept it short so Paulina wouldn’t get the chance to mess with it again. “That’s not the end of the story.”

Tucker and Danny exchanged a look as she continued.

Sam had stopped going near Paulina after that, but she still hadn’t forgiven the girl. Her mom, though angry at Paulina, told Sam to just leave it alone. Like hell Sam was going to let her get away with this. At lunch the next day, she snuck an innocent little worm on Paulina’s lunch when she wasn’t looking. Paulina of course screamed and caused a commotion, easily pointing the finger at Sam. Teachers had no proof Sam did anything, so they just got Paulina a new lunch and told her to calm down.

Pranks and nasty incidents just escalated after that, until Paulina had done something so terrible it got Sam expelled.

Paulina had a crush on Ricky (ironically no relation to Lunch Box Ricky) and Ricky was chatting away happily with Sam about some comic book. Paulina was already over all the pranks: spiders in her purse, “accidentally” ruining her new shirt...Sam had been careful to not leave behind too much evidence so she never got in trouble. Paulina wasn’t as clever and had to serve a few detentions. And now, Sam was trying to steal her new boyfriend away from her! She knew she needed to not only win this war, but completely end it. And fast.

Sam had been called into the office the next day. Her parents were also called in to meet with the teacher, vice principal, and principal. Apparently, there were some naked pictures of Sam floating around the school, which was against their code of conduct. As much as Sam explained that wasn’t her and that Paulina was just trying to get back at her, her parents were threatening to send her to a boarding school and she would be suspended for the rest of the year. When Sam tried to confront Paulina about everything, Paulina admitted getting Ricky, who was in yearbook and owed her for letting him get to second base, to poorly photoshop some images together and make it seem like Sam had taken naked photos of herself. Though some kids backed Sam up and validated that Paulina had in fact done that on purpose, Sam ended up getting expelled for punching Paulina square in the face. Paulina said she wanted a nose job anyway. Plus, the stuck up bitch had stuck gum to the side of Sam’s head AGAIN, forcing Sam to shave half of her head.

More kids came forward about the feuding girls as Paulina continued to spread rumors about Sam being a freak and pretending to be rich when she wasn’t. Paulina was so shallow; she only cared about looks and popularity and money (and got the rest of the students at the school on board with being snobby and stuck up) - she showed no remorse for treating her former best friend, who kindly helped her gain her footing in Amity Park, the way she did.

The Mansons eventually learned the truth of what happened and cut off all ties with the Sanchez family after having a huge screaming fit over the phone. Though the school had apologized and said Sam could return to school, the damage had already been done and her parents never forgave the school. Sam and her grandmother had convinced her parents that she could go back to public school for 7th grade. Her parents had continued to force their daughter to go back to the way she was before all of this happened, but Sam just continued to pull away from them. She became spiteful and grim, and had a really hard time trusting anyone after that.

“And that’s why I never told you guys about my wealth and why you knew so little about me. I didn’t trust people anymore. It just seemed like people would only talk to me because they knew who my family was. I mean, we didn’t just get rich off of toothpicks. We have an empire.” Sam finished quietly. Then, she gave a small smile. “But I know now that I can trust you guys. We’ve been through so much in such a short amount of time. And honestly? I wouldn’t trade you guys for anything. I’d rather have two great friends than fifty so-called friends who only liked me for shallow reasons. Plus, after I decked Paulina, I was kind of blacklisted.” Her smile widened, pride beaming through.

“Wow. Sorry Sam, we didn’t know.” Danny rested a hand on her shoulder comfortingly.

“I know.” Sam rested her hand on Danny’s, causing both teens to go a little pink in the face.

“Wait wait wait. So you’re telling me there’s nude photos of you somewhere?” Tucker leaned his elbows on the table and clasped his hands together.

Sam rolled her eyes. “No, moron. They were photoshopped. I mean the skin tone didn’t even match, I don’t know how the school thought that was real. I think they were just so shocked anything like that could happen with 6th graders.”

Danny’s face turned more red at the thought of nude photos of Sam existing somewhere, fake or not. He was angry that someone would try to hurt Sam that way, but he was more embarrassed of himself because he was now picturing his best friend naked. His hand suddenly felt hot on her shoulder and he yanked it away quickly with Sam shooting him only a questioning look. He grumbled something under his breath and scooted his chair so his lap was more under the table. Now was not the time.

Tucker snorted. “Amateurs. I was better at photoshop when I was 5 years old.”

Sam laughed. “That’s exactly what I was thinking. Anyway, I guess Paulina’s parents switched her to public school for 9th. I guess the private school didn’t have a cheer squad or something,” Sam shrugged. “When I saw Paulina show up here on the first day of school, I was honestly shocked and a little terrified. Before anything could get out, I cornered her and we swore to never acknowledge that we even knew each other and to stay away from each other. I tried giving her benefit of the doubt, hoping she changed, but then she set up and blew off Danny at the dance to make a jab at me-”

“What?!” Danny exclaimed. “That’s why she ditched me?!”

Sam ignored him and continued, “and I just realized she would never change. She was always going to be shallow and petty, but I would let her start fresh at Casper as long as she stayed far far away from me. I’m too exhausted to care anymore. But yeah, people stopped hanging out with me and started calling me a freak, especially when I became goth. That’s why I hate it when my parents try to push pink and girly on me, it reminds me of that time. It was pretty lonely and I was starting to get self-destructive, until you guys came along.” She smiled softly at them. “You guys saved my life.”

Both boys had their jaws dropped, completely unaware that there had been that huge of a backstabbing backstory that clearly affected Sam way more than she cared to admit.

“You were hurting yourself?” Danny’s voice sounded broken. Sam was so strong now. He never would have thought that she could have killed herself before he even got to meet her. He was suddenly very glad he started talking to her in detention back in 7th grade.

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I kinda hate that I did that. I promise I’m better now. Between you guys and a lot of therapy, I feel better about myself than I ever have. It’s stupid,” she added, “because I really did find myself because of all she did to me, so in a way I should thank her…”

“Uh, no. I’m surprised you haven’t killed her yet. Especially after she tried stealing Dan-” Tucker shut his mouth after he received a swift kick to the shin. Apparently now was not the time to tease Sam about her crush on Danny.

“Yeah. You’re really so kind, Sam. You have a good heart. I know I would have handled that situation a lot worse than you did,” Danny disclosed.

“True. Our Sammy has a soft spot after all.” Tucker huffed as he received another kick for calling her by the nickname he knew she hated. Only Danny could get away with that one.

“Shhh. You’ll tarnish my reputation,” Sam said in amusement.

The bell rang and students in the cafeteria all stood at once, cleaning their tables and making their way towards their next class. When Paulina passed their table, Danny grimaced.

“I can’t look at her the same anymore,” Danny remarked.

Tucker nodded, “Same, dude.”

“Guys, please. This is all as much of a secret as Danny’s identity is, okay? I don’t want that drama coming back. I get revenge in my dreams. Just let her be, it’s not worth it.” Sam threw her spider backpack over her shoulder.

Tucker glanced at Danny before smirking. “Aww, Sam. Too good for this world. Too pure.”

Danny threw an arm around Sam’s shoulder as they walked to their next class. “Such a cinnamon roll.”

Sam groaned at the boys, “Stooooopppppp!” Tucker caught up to them and tried giving Sam a noogie, but his hand was slapped away swiftly. “No. None of that.” She pointed her finger sternly at him. Her head suddenly snapped towards Danny, who was smiling innocently despite the little tug he gave to her ponytail.

“Don’t worry, Tuck. Sam would never hurt us. She’s a softie inside, like a marshmallow.” Danny laughed as she shot him a look.

“I’m plotting both of your murders in my head, just so you know,” Sam grumbled.

Danny’s arm tightened around Sam protectively, pulling her a little closer as Elliot walked up to them.

“Hey Sam, I-” Elliot’s eyes widened as she pulled out a switchblade from her pocket and pointed it towards him. “Never mind!” He scurried away quickly, slipping in the process.

Danny stiffened and Tucker stared nervously at the knife. “Do you always carry that thing around?”

Sam smiled sickenly sweet, “Still soft?” Tucker shook his head. “That’s what I thought.” She closed the blade and shoved it back in her pocket, smiling because their teasing did cheer her up.

Danny gave her a soft squeeze before removing his arm as they entered the classroom. “Only the people who earned it get to know the real Sam, the one with the kind heart who’s also tough as nails. Right?”

Sam smiled back at Danny, “Exactly.”

#stephanie writes sometimes #danny phantom #fic #phic #phic phight 2021 #danny fenton #sam manson #tucker foley #paulina sanchez #sorry I had to make Paulina really mean lol

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melanielocke · 3 years

Text

An experiment with a Fairchild

Alastair goes to the Fairchild's house to visit Charles, but finds only Henry home, who is working on something.

CW for toxic relationship

Taglist: @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite

I don't think this really adds up with the timeline since I'm not sure Henry was actually in London at the time but I don't care. It's somewhere during early Chain of Gold.

Alastair knocked on the door of the house in Grosvenor Square. The consul was currently in Idris and would not be home, and Alastair was fairly certain Matthew was someplace else with his band of bandits or whatever they called themselves nowadays. Charles’ father he wasn’t so sure about, but Alastair imagined he would have gone with her. He sincerely hoped Charles would be home. He’d missed Charles and hoped they could talk about his engagement. Alastair could make him understand, how unhappy it made him. They would work something out, Alastair was sure of it. It would be like Paris again, just the two of them. He could be happy, as long as he had Charles’ love.

The door opened, but it wasn’t Charles standing in the doorway, nor any of the servants. Instead, sitting in a bath chair, was Charles’ father. Henry Branwell, known for inventing the portal, although Alastair didn’t think he got the recognition he deserved. He didn’t know much about Henry beyond that, Charles was far closer to his mother than his father and Alastair didn’t think Charles really understood his father’s work.

‘Good afternoon,’ Henry said. ‘I’m not sure we’ve met? I’m Henry Fairchild.’

Alastair didn’t realize Henry used his wife’s name. He knew Charles’ mother had chosen to give him her last name instead of Henry’s because of her position as consul, which was an unusual decision, but he’d never heard of a husband taking his wife’s name.

Charles often claimed his parents hadn’t married out of love either, that his mother had married his father because she needed the support of a husband to advance her career. Therefore, it was fine he was marrying for political reasons and would never love his wife. But Henry Fairchild must love his wife very much, to have taken her name.

‘I’m Alastair Carstairs,’ Alastair said. ‘I’m here to see Charles, is he home?’

‘Right, you must be Charles’ friend. No, I don’t think he’s at home right now.’

‘Oh that’s too bad,’ Alastair said, attempting to hide the disappointment in his voice. ‘Do you know where he is?’

Perhaps he was at his club, Alastair thought. He’d been there once before with Charles, who’d wanted to introduce him to the club. Alastair had not yet managed to win much approval there, but he was determined to keep trying. Many high standing shadowhunter men were members of the same gentleman’s club Charles went to, and Alastair wanted so badly to fit in there. Even if deep down, he knew he never would, not really. Even with his hair dyed blonde, his skin was still too dark to pass for a white English man. At most they would accept an act he put on. Still, Alastair tried the best he could to be what they wanted and win their approval, especially Charles’.

‘No, I’m not sure. But I expect he’ll be home soon. Why don’t you come in and wait there. I am working on something fascinating.’

Alastair hesitated, but he guessed it couldn’t hurt to come in. If at any point Matthew arrived, he could always make his way out. He didn’t hate Matthew, not really. He thought Matthew was immature, and sometimes Alastair was jealous that it was so easy for Matthew to be himself, but that was all, and Alastair deeply regretted his behavior at school.

However, Alastair thought it was best for all parties involved if he stayed away from Matthew, who was clearly still mad with him. Who could blame him, honestly? Charles knew, of course, about the bad blood between them, but had chosen to believe Matthew had been a brat at school and did not blame Alastair for his behavior. While that was true to some extent, Alastair had been far worse. However, if he was to be accepted, he should not show such weakness, and the best course of action was to stay away. Perhaps coming here was a bad decision.

Henry retreated into his lab, and while Alastair waited with some tea provided by a servant, he felt very awkward. What were his duties here? He would have expected someone inviting him in to stay with him, although a conversation with Charles’ father would have been just as awkward. Where was Charles? Was he coming?

In the end, Alastair did decide to take a look in the lab.

‘Ah, there you are,’ Henry said. ‘You were taking your time with that tea. Do you prefer it colder?’

Truth to be told, Alastair didn’t like the way the English made their tea at all, but he reserved his complaints about the awful food and drinks of this country for when he was having tea with his mother and Risa.

‘It was quite hot,’ was all Alastair said.

‘After some deliberation I’ve decided to give the Phosphor another chance,’ Henry said. ‘It was unfortunately, a failed invention, but I still believe I could make it work.’

‘What is it supposed to be?’ Alastair asked.

Henry fell into a lecture of his work, how he’d wanted to invent a light source five times brighter than witchlights. So far the Phosphor had mostly resulted in fires, and Henry had abandoned the project in favor of the portal. Alastair noticed how passionate Henry seemed when he talked about his interests. He could be passionate too, but Charles said that was not a good thing. It was important that he appeared rational at all times, not clouded by emotion.

‘Nor did I like working with something so highly flammable while Charles and Matthew were small,’ Henry said. ‘It would be too dangerous with small and vulnerable children depending on me. But they’re growing up so fast. Charles will be married soon and move out with his wife.’

Alastair wasn’t so sure what Charles intended to do. He’d assured him the engagement was temporary, that he would not marry miss Bridgestock. But she was under the impression the marriage would take place. Then who was Charles lying to?

‘So now is the right time to give it another try?’ Alastair concluded.

‘Precisely. However, something is not right with my calculations, and I cannot figure it out. Do you have an interest in science yourself, Mr. Carstairs?’

Alastair had once, although not to the extent Henry did. He was good at math, at least, and fascinated by the theory.

‘A little,’ he said. ‘But I’m mainly interested in politics.’

Alastair glanced over the calculations Henry had written down. They were complex, but Alastair was good at math and at least this part of the inventing process he could follow along.

‘There’s a mistake here,’ Alastair said. ‘Maybe that’s why it’s not working.’

Henry moved over to look at the calculations, and Alastair pointed out the errors, working with Henry to fix the errors. Would it work now?

‘Are you sure you’re not interested in becoming a scientist or an inventor?’ Henry asked. ‘You’re quite clever. I think it is limiting, to think of shadowhunters only as warriors. Some are, and that’s fine, but there are more ways to make the world better than just killing demons. The experiments Christopher and I do all serve the purpose of improving life for shadowhunters, yet so few understand.’

Henry sounded resigned, had he accepted the way he was viewed? Alastair found it difficult to imagine. He knew what it was to be mocked, and he never wanted to experience that again. He didn’t think he could bear it, but perhaps Henry was simply stronger than he was.

‘That’s their loss,’ Alastair said. ‘There are many ways to improve the world beyond fighting. I’m not an inventor, but I hope I can improve the Clave by getting into politics someday.’

Alastair wasn’t completely sure it was what he wanted anymore. Even if he did succeed, he knew people would gossip. He could never be the perfect politician shadowhunters expected, not without a wife, and Alastair was determined that no matter how much he pretended to be something he was not, he would never pretend to love someone he could never have such feelings for. He admired Henry, for not caring what people thought of him. He wished he could be like that, be himself, and be appreciated, if not by society then by a smaller group of people who loved him. But Alastair didn’t think that was possible, because no one could love the real him, could they? After pretending for so long, he didn’t even know who the real Alastair was anymore.

‘Ah, like Lottie,’ Henry said. ‘I so admire what she does. I could never make people listen like she does. And Charles wants to be just like her. Truth to be told, he’s a far better assistant to her than I could ever hope to be.’

‘Charles is good at what he does,’ Alastair said.

Alastair hoped some day he would be too. He read all the books Charles recommended, he worked tirelessly on formulating his own ideas. But whenever he presented his ideas to Charles, he was met with laughter. As if his ideas were just a joke to him, as if he were far too young and silly to understand. It made him feel awful. Alastair usually tried to downplay it then, pretend he hadn’t been absolutely serious about these ideas. Because clearly if Charles didn’t take him seriously, his ideas weren’t as good as they’d seemed at first and he needed to do better. He’d convinced his mother that he could help their family’s social standing by succeeding in politics rather than marrying, but how could he if not even Charles thought his ideas were worth anything?

‘I must admit I don’t understand his work nearly as well as you must,’ Henry said. ‘I’m glad he has a friend like you. I have worried about him. Always so focused on work, he doesn’t have many friends and I worry he’s lonely. I think he finds it difficult to make friends. But you and he, you are good friends are you not?’

‘We are,’ Alastair said, suddenly terrified Henry would suspect he and Charles were not quite friends, but lovers instead.

He wasn’t quite sure what Henry meant about Charles not having many friends. Charles attended his club along with many shadowhunter men, and he seemed friendly with many of them. Of course, even then he mainly talked about politics and tried to build alliances to further his career. Alastair wasn’t sure Charles really cared about any of them, perhaps he was the only one Charles had former a true connection with. If anything, it made him feel more special to be the only one trusted and appreciated by him.

‘He’s lucky to have you,’ Henry said.

‘Father, what are you doing here with Alastair?’

Charles was standing in the doorway. He looked weary, and Alastair wanted to go to him, but he didn’t dare, not when Henry Fairchild was still here to witness them. Although strangely, he suspected if there were shadowhunters who did not condemn men like him and Charles, it would be Henry.

‘Ah, there you are, Charles. Your friend has been waiting for you.’

Charles sighed. ‘Please do not bother my friends with your experiments. I am sorry for this, Alastair. I was caught up at the Institute, you know how it is.’

Alastair was a bit shocked by the way Charles spoke to Henry. Compared to his father, Henry seemed kind, if only a bit absent minded. He knew Charles did not understand his father well, but it was quite rude to speak to him in such a manner. His mother certainly wouldn’t tolerate it if he spoke to her like this.

Henry didn’t say anything else, and Alastair left the lab with Charles to go upstairs, to his bedroom. As Alastair understood it, Henry rarely left his lab and there was little danger of him interrupting him.

‘Are you very tired?’ Alastair asked.

‘Just work,’ Charles said. ‘It’s becoming a bit much lately, but that’s alright. This is my chance to show my best qualities, after all. Exhaustion is a small price to pay. And I have you with me now, and that more than makes up for it. I could use some relaxation.’

And Alastair obliged, as he always did. Even if part of him was still upset with Charles, he knew that if he wanted to earn his lover’s affection and loyalty, he would have to be there for him when Charles needed him and give him what he wanted. At least now he could experience what if felt like to be loved, and Alastair knew love was supposed to hurt. It was better than nothing, better than being alone. Still, he wished he could be more like Charles’ father, doing what was right for him and being who he was regardless of what anyone else thought. But Alastair had lost himself a long time ago, the only time when he felt even remotely like himself was when he was in Charles’ arms. And even then, he still did not feel quite right and couldn’t figure out what was missing. He did not know who he was anymore.

#Alastair Carstairs #Henry Branwell #Henry Fairchild #Charles Fairchild #the last hours #fanfiction #fic

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star-sailor-tales · 4 years

Text

Sometimes, there are no legends to guide us.

Nothing to tell us of the danger that is coming, nor how to deal with the threat.

They came quietly.

Giant, opaque insect like beings that descended from the sky, like spirits or a thick fog. With their breath, they stole ours, leaving us empty husks, nothing but withers and ashes that were lost in the wind.

We didn't stand a chance, and once night fell, so did humanity. Most of it.

Some of us managed to hang on by hiding underground, or travelling during clear days, when the sun was bright. The wisps, as I called them, seemed to hate the light, burned by it, and so, travelled with storms and darkness. They also seemed to dislike certain kinds of electric frequency, and so, with a little bit of know-how, you could make a electric fence perimeter .

I did that to my warehouse, deep in the ruins of a city whos name had been forgotten. It was tightly locked up, any windows or holes either boarded up or welded shut entirely.

My mother told me stories about humanity, our songs and cultures. She told me stories of great heros, like of the people who had walked on the moon.

I didnt trust the moon anymore. Reminded me of the wisps.

Either way, my mother passed about five years ago, when I was just twelve. It was a stormy night, and the wind had blown open a gash in the wall. My mother stuck me in a locker, and told me to stay as quiet as I could. As the wisps came through the opening, she drew their attention and led them away. There were so many, and I was so afraid that I must have fainted, cause I awoke the next moring, and she was gone. I made a small grave for her, and visit it on every sunny day.

However, Im not the only one in the city, far from it. Well, I guess, compared to other places.

See, there is a school with a underground bunker, made during a... cold war? One day, I was approached by an older gentlemen, by the name of Hephaestus, though he told me to call him Henry. Henry is around 60 years old, and its a miracle he is still around, though, not one us brave enough to tell him that.

I digress.

He was a teacher and invited me to attend his classes that he held for a few other teenagers. At first I was hesitant. My mother always told me that just because there are monsters out there, doesnt mean that other people can't still be a threat.

That only lasted a few days. I was lonely and hadn't had any real interaction with people other then my mother and the odd stranger we came across.

A year later, and every bright day, I would go to his classes. History, basic math and science, how to grow crops and surprisingly, how to hunt and track wild animals.

But the most important thing he taught us, was how to control our powers.

See, ever since those... things, came down, humans have inherited these odd powers. Everyones is different, but everyone has one. No explanation, no reason. Dylan, my classmate, thinks that the wisps came from another dimension, and that when it opened, we were given powers so as to protect ourselves.

I still dont quiet know what mine is. And I find it difficult to explain it. See, I was born somewhat mute. I can make small noises and whistle, but thats about it. Because of that, they call me "Mumble". Obviously thats not my name, but part of me wants to keep that a secret. Something that only me and my mother know.

Anyway, I tell you all this because I hope that someone can carry on my story. I dont know what will become of it, or how it will be warped, but maybe it can help you survive in this husk of a world.

Chapter 1 end

#the remainders #chapter one #the adventures of humans in space #humans are space australians #humans are space orcs #humans are weird #humans are space oddities

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nym-ic · 4 years

Text

THERE ARE GOING TO BE AN UNGODLY AMOUNT OF SCREENSHOTS. IF YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THE DREAM SPEEDRUN DRAMA, YOU’RE BETTER OFF SCROLLING PAST, BECAUSE IT’S A LOT OF INFORMATION THAT REQUIRES THE GENERAL CONTEXT OF THE SITUATION

hi!! so i’ve taken some screenshots of the speedrunning discord in the interest of showing the toxicity i have seen in chat. i will also be including the screenshots of mods who were actually trying to stop the conversation because it was getting way out of hand.

dream’s messages in screenshots will also be mentioned after the toxicity and mods in the beginning.

this is an analysis of the toxicity and mod response as well as an analysis on the conversation that took place with dream.

also, small note: i will be using gender neutral pronouns for everyone mentioned in this discussion aside from dream, as we are aware of what he prefers :)

i am going to state this now that every single one of these screenshots was taken on december fourteenth, 2020 somewhere between 9:30 am and 11 am in the PST timezone:

this is just blatant hatred and toxicity. i don’t have to explain it because it’s very visible.

Mango is both a verifier and mod, and is seen actively trying to end the conversation and toxicity about dream, as it was completely flooding the general chat of the discord. i’m fairly sure the night before, general was locked about 2-3 times due to the spam and toxicity.

CasseBot as you will see later on in the screenshots, is also both a verifier and mod, and the screenshot above me is definitely a statement done in poor taste and uncalled for. however, in the screenshot below, you can see them reprimanding and handing out warnings to end the conversation about dream as well as the toxicity. the statement above was unnecessary, but they were actively trying to end conversation.

now, i will be sharing screenshots of the messages dream sent to the #coding-math channel in the discord, i am apologizing in advance for the pure amount of screenshots, but i was trying to capture the entire conversation, and i left out as many side conversations unrelated to what they were talking about as i could.

i am not blurring names here as it would be very difficult to follow the conversation, and the names are relevant to who is saying what to understand when certain people are talking at once. it should also be noted that these people were very calm in their discussion to dream, and there was no yelling or blatant calling him a cheater, which is a win in my book because it points toward an actually intelligent conversation

every single one of these screenshots was taken on december fourteenth, 2020 somewhere between 9:30 am and 11 am in the PST timezone:

the conversation in the beginning starts out incredibly calm, civil, and dare i say it, wholesome, as everyone taking part in the conversation at this point was genuinely helping dream find the files he needed from his world files in the version folder

the screenshot above is a closeup of the image seen in the screenshot before it!!

i’m not sure exactly what the eclipse directory is, but if someone is willing to explain it, feel free :)

aadil is an average community member of the server (not a mod or verifier!!), and can be seen supposedly very confrontational and flippant of certain evidence, though this is due to the wording of their messages, as they quickly corrected themselves below

Kohru here mentions being able to hide different ways to do the same thing dream is being accused of, however does not send anything due to the fact that they likely don’t actually know. i state this because they use an argument a few screenshots ahead saying they could “get [their] mom to do it” which is an argument that isn’t actually professional to what they’re discussing, however this could be due to the time that these messages took place.

this is where you can see dream start to get a little frustrated through his sarcasm and wording of the statement, but he is still remaining otherwise civil in the conversation, and those having the conversation (aside from a few choice reactions to things he sent as messages including flipping off emojis and a clown emoji) with dream were also being reasonable debaters and relatively non-toxic.

ImZaJojoReference (an average community member, not a mod or verifier!!) states “evidence” claiming anything dream will put forward will be fake, but then does not produce anything else to the conversation of note that could explain why they believe this.

we’ve seen dream admit this many times that he does not have the knowledge in math nor statistics to be able to accurately debate this data, which is the reason for his hiring of staticians to help him in his own investigation and defense of himself. he states he has several, so again, i’m excited for the outcome because maybe the situation would finally get resolved!

throughout this entire conversation, i noticed that Kohru, an average community member (not a mod or verifier!!) was very confrontational in their statements to dream, though i will attribute this behavior to the timestamps of the messages, as it’s so early in the morning (in my timezone at least. this could be fundamentally flawed).

these are all the screenshots i took from the Minecraft Java Edition Speedrun discord, and i hope i grabbed enough screenshots to remain primarily unbiased to both sides of the argument, but i can conclude that most of my perceived bias will be dragged from how i brought up toxicity, and how i was glad it was being taken care of.

if you made it all the way through, thanks for listening to my rambles in between, and i hope this provides information for people who aren’t in the discord, or are generally confused on the dynamic dream holds with the speedrun community. the #general chat is mainly just completely toxic, and there are a few of dream’s defenders in there, but they get almost immediately shot down because of their like of him. this means that many of the people against dream aren’t truly listening to other sides of the argument (not including the many screenshots i provided of the more level-headed members of the discord). dream’s rebuttal will likely bring forward new information, and though a lot of it will be ignored by this community because of their almost pure hatred for the guy, it will be everyone’s decision to make up their own opinions on the subject.

taking information from many different sources and making sure you take in both sides of the story is very important to making an informed decision on the matter at hand. i hope these screenshots of the conversation made information a little more digestible due to its casual and lax nature

I AM NOT ADVOCATING FOR THE SENDING OF HATE TO THESE CHOSEN PEOPLE. I HAVE BLOCKED OUT THE NAMES OF THOSE ACTING TOXIC BECAUSE I KNOW HOW THE COMMUNITY IS. TOXICITY IS NOT A WAY TO DECIDE IF A PERSON IS BAD BECAUSE IN ALL LIKELIHOOD, THOSE PEOPLE WERE UNDER 18 AND THUS CHILDREN. EVEN IF THEY WERE ADULTS, SENDING HATE AND DEATH THREATS MAKES YOU JUST AS BAD AS THEM.

if you send hate to the mods or the people having genuine discussion with dream, i don’t know what else to tell you other than you’re an idiot. because those people were pretty much the nicest people on the server.

thanks for reading, hope you have a good day!!!

#dream #dreamwastaken #dream discourse #minecraft #minecraft speedrun #minecraft speedrun drama #minecraft speedrunning #i'm sorry this is so long #i didn't realize how many screenshots i took ;-;

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th3atr3phant0m · 4 years

Text

A Different Kinf of Love

Zim, like most other children his age, had moments where he was absolutely certain that he was different from everyone else that he knew, and, to be honest, there wasn’t much anyone could say that would convince him. Statistically speaking, most people didn’t have two dads, most people weren’t best friends with the same person who they did everything in their power to sabotage, and, most importantly, most people couldn’t say that they had accidentally killed their mother at a young age.

No, there were a lot of things that set Zim apart from the majority of his peers. There were many reminders to him on a daily basis that he was different from those around him.

One thing that stood out to him, though, was his experiences with romantic attraction- or, more accurately, his lack thereof.

It wasn’t as if Zim didn’t understand love. He knew that love was, in some way, whatever it was that his fathers felt towards one another. He knew that it was the thing written about in cheesy, schmoopy Y/A novels and spoken about in terrible movies aimed at teenagers. It was the focus of so many of the cheesy poems Zim and their peers had to read and annotate.

The only thing was, when Zim thought about love, they didn’t think about romance . Instead, they thought about other things. He thought about his love for his obnoxious mutt puppy back at home, the familial love for his adoptive fathers, the platonic love he felt for his strange friend-enemy, Dib Membrane, and the love for his passions. All of them were very obviously not romantic, but all of them meant the world to him. Gir was what kept him going, some days, and he never failed to make him smile, no matter how annoying the puppy could be. His fathers had taken him in when no one else would, and, although things had been off to a rocky start, their relationship was fairly close and he always worked to make his dads proud of him. Dib was equally as irritating as Gir but understood him on a level most others didn’t and was generally kind to him when he needed it the most. His passions were what drove him and what made his life worth living.

None of the things that he thought of when the word “love” was brought up fit under the generally accepted definition for “love”, but they were what filled his mind anytime the word was uttered.

He supposed he could understand why people would want romantic relationships- the idea of being that close to someone was a beautiful concept to Zim. Having someone that he could share everything with- his life, his interests, his passions- it sounded nice. Having someone who understood him completely and who would never abandon him like so many people had before seemed… wonderful.

He just didn’t see why his relationship with that person had to be romantic.

And, more importantly, while he, to an extent, understood the concept of romantic love… he wasn’t sure that he had ever genuinely felt it, before.

Perhaps Zim was just a late-bloomer. Plenty of people didn’t experience romantic feelings when they were little, and a lot of people didn’t figure things like that out until they were a bit older and had experienced more of their life. Maybe he just hadn’t reached the point in his life where the magical switch that would turn on the flow of sparkling, shimmering romance, yet.

That explanation seemed less and less likely the older he got, however, and he began to wonder if that was really what was going on, or if he would simply never feel the romantic attraction that so many people spoke about.

That idea seemed absolutely ridiculous, though- how could someone simply not experience romantic attraction? It was something that was so ingrained in society that the very concept of not experiencing it ever seemed utterly bizarre. It was in every film, book, TV series, song, and video game- even it wasn’t the main focus of the story. Most people got married- or at least dated . Everywhere he went, there were constantly people around one another absolutely head over heels in love with one another. Things were always marketed towards couples in some way. No matter where Zim went, romance was there in some form or another- he had to experience it eventually, right?

Perhaps it was something else, then. Maybe he just hadn’t found the right person? Finding the “perfect person” was the plot to numerous romance books and movies, so it seemed like a fair enough assumption to make that all he would have o do to experience real love was find the right person.

That explanation didn’t seem right, either, though. Zim was almost entirely certain that, if he did experience romantic attraction, Dib would be the person he would feel it for. It was only logical; they were close friends (even if they were simultaneously enemies) and all of the things that Zim saw as positive about romance and romantic relationships were things he already got from his odd relationship from Dib. When he needed support, Dib would provide it and vice versa. They both pushed one another to succeed and would help one another to do so, in their strange round-about way. They were able to share their interests with one another, and, while they were constantly teasing one another and at each other’s throats, it was clear to both of them that, at this point, it was in a mostly playful manner, and they would never dare to cross the boundaries either one of them had.

Dib seemed like the perfect romantic pair, so… why wasn’t Zim in love with him?

Maybe it was something else- maybe he was just too distracted by other things to focus on love? That explanation made perfect sense! Zim had always been driven by other things and was far more invested in his academics and his various passions than he was with pursuing and maintaining any sort of romantic relationship.

Although, with how much thought he had been putting into romance lately… that explanation didn’t seem correct, either.

Zim was furious- he hated not knowing things- especially when they were important things like this. Being unaware of general things in and of itself was incredibly irritating to him, but not entirely understanding things that not only directly impacted him but were part of him? It was infuriating.

He truly didn’t understand. None of the explanations he could think of for as to why he didn’t experience the mythical and elusive romantic attraction either made zero sense in practice or were easily disproven upon further inspection. All things considered, he had no real reason to not experience romance. He was old enough for attraction to have kicked in already, he had the perfect person already, and it wasn’t as if he were ignoring it, anymore, so why didn’t he feel it ?

According to the internet, one thing that could explain what he was experiencing was aromantic .

At first, it didn’t entirely make sense to him. How could someone possibly just not experience romantic love? Then again… that was exactly where he was at with his own life, at the moment.

It was strange and stressful, but, above all of the other emotions he was feeling… the term felt right . It explained what he had been feeling for years and the experiences he’d had during that time. It showed him through experiences and articles precisely what he had been looking for but that had been just out of reach.

For the first time, Zim found an explanation that made sense .

He was aromantic.

And… he was okay with that.

~~~

Slightly more difficult than coming to terms with the fact that Zim was aromantic was the concept of actually telling people that he was aromantic. He wasn’t particularly interested in telling the majority of people- he didn’t find it particularly important for people to know, and he didn’t exactly have many people that he cared enough to want to tell- but there were still a few people he did want to know.

His fathers, of course, were people he would want to tell, but he wasn’t sure that he was ready for that yet, and wasn’t entirely sure how to broach the topic, so he planned on waiting a bit longer before bringing it up.

Dib, however, was another story.

Zim wanted to come out to Dib. Maybe it was because Dib was the closest friend in his life, at the moment, or maybe it was because Dib had reacted so well to Zim coming out as gender fluid not that long ago.

Coming out as aromantic, though, seemed like an entirely different thing. Aromanticism wasn’t very well-known and it wasn’t incredibly acceptable in their romance-driven society. It hadn’t been too much of a surprise that Dib was supportive of him being gender-fluid considering the fact that Dib was transgender himself, but he wasn’t entirely sure how he would react to Zim being aromantic- or if he would even know what it was.

Regardless, Zim decided that he would talk to Dib about it the next time the opportunity arose. Dib was his friend, even if their relationship was odd, and he was generally a fairly open-minded person who tended to not judge people (or, rather, tended not to judge people based off of things like that - in other ways, Dib could be incredibly judgemental, but typically not about people’s orientations and other similar things).

It wasn’t long before the opportunity for Zim to discuss things with Dib arose.

The two of them sat in the withered patch of grass behind the school, yellowed with lack of water and care, as they worked on a project together. The project was something fairly simple for the advanced placement math class the two of them shared during their fourth period of school, and didn’t give either of them much difficulty. The two of them could have likely easily done the entire project separately, completely on their own and still aced it, considering how well the two of them did in that class, but the teacher had insisted upon all of the students getting into pairs to work on it, so they had caved and decided to work together. Zim didn’t mind, considering it gave them the perfect opportunity to ease their workload while also hanging out together.

Instead of heading back to either of their houses to work on the project, they had decided to just stay in the property surrounding the school, considering how nice it was outside, that day (and the fact that neither of them really wanted to go home just yet), but Zim had more important things to focus on than the pleasant weather of the day.

Zim set down the pen he had been using a moment ago and instead began fiddling with the green, beaded bracelet that hung around his wrist (the same one Dib had given him not so long ago, and that he wore on his more masculine days). He looked towards Dib, who still had his eyes trained on whatever he had been working on, didn’t notice.

After a moment of careful consideration, Zim broke the silence, “Dib?”

“Yeah?” Dib hummed, barely bothering to glance up from his own work.

Zim frowned at Dib’s lack of a response, letting out a quiet huff of air, “There’s something I’d like to tell you.”

“Okay?” Finally, Dib tore his eyes away from what he had been looking at and instead focused on Zim, eyebrows knitting together slightly and tilting his head in curiosity, “What is it?”

“There’s this… thing -” Zim attempted weakly, not entirely sure how to phrase what he wanted to tell him.

Dib just snorted in response, clearly either not noticing or not caring about Zim’s internal conflict over what to say, “ Very specific- that really clears things up.”

Once more, Zim frowned, tossing his friend a glare as he leaned across the small space between the two of them so he could whack Dib with his notebook for his insolence.

“Ow!” Dib cried out, though, from the way he was laughing, it was clear that the light hit hadn’t actually hurt him in any way (plus, Zim knew Dib well enough to know what he could handle, and knew that this was far below his pain threshold), “Okay, okay, go on.”

“It’s kind of difficult to explain, but… I’ve discovered something about myself,” Zim said as he finally decided upon how he would word his feelings, “More specifically, I’ve discovered something about my orientation.”

Dib’s eyebrows raised slightly, though his face remained mostly impassive at that, “Oh, yeah? What did you find out.”

“Recently, I had the realization that I don’t exactly experience romantic attraction,” Zim began, gesturing with his hands mindlessly as he spoke, “Most people do, but I never have. I always assumed that it was something that I would eventually get once I was older, but I’ve still never been romantically interested in someone after all this time. I’ve put a lot of thought into it and I came up with a lot of theoretical explanations for what might cause it, but none of them quite made sense or fit, except the explanation that I just… don’t experience romantic attraction.”

Dib blinked, “So, like… aromantic?”

Zim blinked owlishly as well, taken aback, “What?”

“Y’know, aromantic,” Dib shrugged, “That’s pretty much-”

“No, no, I know what aromanticism is,” Zim shook his head, cutting him off, “I just didn’t know that you knew what it was.”

“I know you don’t think very highly of my intellect, but I do know a thing or two,” Dib rolled his eyes, though there was a joking lilt to his voice, “I do understand though. I mean, I’m not aromantic myself, but I do know what you mean, and it makes sense that you are.”

Zim couldn’t help but smile at that, his shoulders relaxing subconsciously as Dib spoke. He hadn’t noticed that he had tensed up during their conversation.

“Listen,” Dib continued before Zim could say anything, “I know romance and sex and shit are kind of forced down everyone’s throats and a lot of people are assholes about it, but I support you.”

“Good. I’m glad to hear it.”

With that, they fell back into their work and didn’t discuss it beyond that, instead just focusing on their project together, only talking about either what they were working on, or completely inconsequential stuff. The topic of Zim’s romantic orientation didn’t come up again, and it passed without his aromanticism changing anything between them.

Zim was aromantic, Dib knew, and everything was okay.

This was originally posted HERE on Archive of Our Own by your’s truly.

If you’re interested in my work, I have several other fics posted both here and on Archive. Please DM me if you would like a commission (my first post on here has my rates).

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shadowfae · 4 years

Note

Uhhh since you're dealing with people being jackasses: talk about a thing you've been wanting to talk about; or tell a story you've been dying to tell but haven't had a good time to tell it.

Things I want to talk about, hmmmm.

See, the twins’ birthday is on Friday, and it seems I’m writing More Porn. After that is Minos, next Thursday, and that’ll be fun because I know exactly what to write for his birthday, and that’s the fic of how he becomes a Spectre wayyyy back in the Age of Myth. (This is about Saint Seiya, for those of you who don’t follow me on my main.)

King Minos of Crete’s story is a fascinating thing. And the thing about a lot of retellings of Greek myth is that the running theme is almost always “...and the myth got it all wrong because what makes for a good story isn’t what actually happened” and that really got me to wonder how I could spin this guy into a sympathetic villain. Then, of course, I put on Gang of Youth’s Achilles Come Down and that was it, my dude.

So consider this: a young prince and his brother, being prettied up for the throne of Crete where Zeus was born in the most prosperous, if young, kingdom in the Mediterranean, four thousand years ago where this is where most human development is going on right now. That seat of power will move to India next during their Golden Age (as they don’t get their shit wrecked by Santorini and become the Atlantis myth) but for now, it’s in the sea that breathes and is as warm as a bath to dive on into, in the sea where everyone is right now.

A young prince whose brother is pretty and not much else, who knows he has to rule because while his brother is popular, he doesn’t pay attention to his studies and would drive the kingdom immediately into the ground with his enjoyment of finery at the expense of all else. A young prince who knows if he wants his kingdom to survive, knowing full well how many settlements and lives depend on Crete to run supply, that he’s going to have to do some evil and damn himself to save the kingdom. It doesn’t even matter if he wants to be king: it’s just that Rhadamanthys won’t do a good job, and there’s no way he can get him to abdicate, and good sake he doesn’t want to murder his own brother.

But then they get into a catfight over a pretty farmboy that they both like. Rhadamanthys likes Miletos’ smile and the way he talks to plants. Minos likes his wit and how he knows how to keep a farm running and what every problem’s solution is. Rhadamanthys sees a trophy to win, Minos sees an advisor. They both fall in love. Aphrodite from her throne laughs at the thought of two heroes to make a tragedy out of, and lets them start to rip Crete apart.

Minos realizes what’s going on, of course, why wouldn’t he? He wants his kingdom to survive, and this isn’t that. Good sake he doesn’t want to take Miletos prisoner, he knows how the heroes’ stories end and he doesn’t want to be betrayed. So he chases Rhadamanthys out of Crete and stuffs Miletos onto a supply ship heading into Thessaly and bids him that if he likes being alive, he should lay low and stay far from either brother, but gives him a good bag of drachmae and food anyway, and probably a scrap of parchment with an address to a temple of Demeter. Enough that he can save himself if he uses his wits, and Minos knows Miletos has wit.

He becomes king. He saves the kingdom from his brother’s idiocy, knowing Rhadamanthys will never forgive him, knowing that their warring would have destroyed the Mediterranean. This is the cost of what it is to be king of the powerhouse of the cell world. You sacrifice everything you love, everything you are, and you save everyone but yourself.

Kings and heroes have a lot alike, and Minos is a son of Zeus. It doesn’t stop him from being angry with himself. It doesn’t stop the gods from taking an interest in this plucky young man. It doesn’t stop Hera from being angry at Europa all over again. It doesn’t stop Aphrodite from being angry that he denied her the tragedy. He hasn’t proved himself, not to them. So they set him trials. Conquer this kingdom and liberate it from the evil king. Kill that monster and liberate that city from it. Do this, do that, and just when you think you’re done, someone else goes mad and starts killing their own civilians.

Minos doesn’t realize at first that he’s become a terror. That he’s the ghost king already, the one that queens and princes and servants whisper about when their king has so much of a cold. He’ll go mad one day. He’ll go mad and then King Minos of Crete will come by with his armour and his sword, high on his own heroism, walking the road to hell with the very best of intentions.

Minos will care for those kingdoms. He’ll send his advisors and sell them their necessities at half price, help the fledgling kings that rise in the throne still bloody from his conquest until they’re steady under the crown. He makes alliances and plays the game well, but he’s still killing people who never asked to be killed. Still saving people who never wanted to be saved.

He finds a wife in a nymph-goddess and he loves her, he loves her hard, and he’s still scarred from Miletos, he’s afraid to love Pasiphae even though he does with all his heart. She’s powerful, daughter of Helios who blinds him with her sunlight. He kneels before her and tells her that if anyone including himself but save his kingdom tries to take him away from her glory, he will kill them to make her happy.

He doesn’t know he’s already evil. He wants to make his wife happy, wants to not make the mistakes his father did that resulted in his existence. He wants to apologize to Hera for his birth by valuing what she does, and never doing to Pasiphae what his father did to her. He doesn’t know he’s damning himself with every move. But he swears his life to the girl of sunshine and brings her home to celebrate. Crete rejoices, they’ve always had the best of him, they’ve always loved their king who saved them and risks himself to save everyone else. He’s brought home the sun for them, hasn’t he?

They have children, his pride and joy, and he hires the best of tutors for them. He finds a son of Athena who’s known for his brilliance and pays him to teach his son, finds a son of Ares content with his spoils to teach his daughters and his youngest, loves them all and teaches them how to rule when he has to go out and save another city from a mad, dying king. So that when he gets himself killed being stupid, Crete isn’t damned and the world can run without him, because his wife and his children will continue the throne of power. They’ll run the supply lines and find a place for those who need to run, and they’ll save as many people as they can.

Hera likes him well enough for his love, hates him for what he is, hates him more for that he doesn’t understand why the mad king’s wife wants him dead. Aphrodite stings from that he earned Pasiphae’s love with a pledge he didn’t know the consequences of, that he denied her the messy child’s-love of Miletos. Zeus thinks he has farther to go. Poseidon, who Minos doesn’t love as much as his father but whose sea is the very reason he’s as powerful as he is, whose sea he loves more than most but doesn’t remember to thank, shakes the bottom of the Mediterranean in jealousy.

Poseidon makes his displeasure known. Minos appeases him, as best he can, and like every awkward nephew, asks if he needs further repayment or if he has earned his forgiveness. Poseidon smiles, thinks of how Minos does not know how the gods can suffer, and sends him a while bull that shines like the moon.

Minos presents it to his wife, thinks of the white dove that Zeus was for Hera. It’s a long habit he’s fallen into, appeasing Hera at every turn just in case. Amphitrite too, actually, and Artemis for his daughter Ariadne who loves to weave. Pasiphae loves the bull, and shows their children, and Crete understands that the gods love their king as much as they do.

Daedalus, whose son’s education Minos has paid for but who isn’t allowed his freedom to wander - he’s quite useful, and Minos has figured out that people will stay if you give them a reason to, but not that he needs to ask if Daedalus needs anything he might not ask for in supply requests - listens to Athena whispering of kings who didn’t deserve to die and kingdoms robbed of their ability to stand on their own, indebted to no one.

Aphrodite hates the pretty fantasy Minos and Pasiphae have created, hates that they have always gotten along. Hates that they still trust in the vow they made and haven’t had any reason to question. Love is suffering, love is war, and she wants them to prove that they understand her as well as they understand Hera. She goes to Poseidon, shaking with jealousy, and they hatch a plan together.

If he sacrifices the bull, he honours Poseidon. But the dreams of his sleep say that if he does not keep it to show the wealth of his kingdom, he rejects Zeus. There is no way to win. But maybe dreams are just dreams. He breeds the bull several times, to spread the wealth of the blessing to more than just himself, to honour Zeus by keeping what he can. Minos goes to sacrifice it, and finds it missing. He searches with his three eldest children and does not find it until morning, when Daedalus has put Pasiphae back to bed and has burned the contraption he made in a frenzy for his mother’s appreciation. He does not sacrifice it on time, and though he does the moment he finds it and checks that it has not been injured, it isn’t enough.

Three weeks later, they find Pasiphae is pregnant, and although Minos doesn’t quite think the math lines up, sometimes children are weird. Stranger things have happened, and it is a time to rejoice. The pregnancy is difficult, and he spends many days by her side, asking for the best physicians they can find and hopes that they can save her. They make it all the way to the delivery with her still breathing, and when the time comes, the physicians who have helped her through several births know by now to send him to fetch water from the other side of Crete to keep him out from underfoot.

He returns with water he knows they don’t actually need but is willing to fetch for love of Pasiphae, and finds that his wife is dead, and there is a curse within the kingdom that nobody knew about. He thinks of how Poseidon could have swept them all away with a tsunami, and knows that this is his punishment, not Crete’s, and he vows to keep it that way. He thinks another moment, thoughts too quick for anything but grief and shock. He thinks of how Hera might hate him now that he cannot apologize to her. He thinks of how Aphrodite ripped his family apart, and he hasn’t spoken to or seen Rhadamanthys in thirty years. And Minos realizes the question he’s always asked of why kings go mad has an answer, staring him in the face this entire time, and he’s just now seeing it.

It isn’t too late. It can’t be too late. He takes in a breath and asks to see the child. It’s... kind of cute, actually. Half cow, of course, and most certainly a monster, but it’s a baby monster, and when he reaches to hold it like he would any other child of his, it reaches back for him. He half-expected it to bite, and it doesn’t. Really, it’s acting like any other child he’s ever seen.

He swore to Pasiphae he’d keep her safe from everything, and the only thing that would sunder him from her side was his kingdom. She understood his reasons and loved him anyway. A goddess of a woman, and he’d still choose his kingdom over her.

He loved his father, and he loved Rhadamanthys, and he had chosen his kingdom. He loved the gods, as all men did. But he loved his kingdom more. This child is a monster, and monsters need to be killed. Children need to be loved, and killing a child brings down the wrath of every god he knows the name of. He closes his eyes, and opens them again. He loves his kingdom more.

“His name is to be Asterius,” he says, thinking of his mortal stepfather, who loved him more than he loved the gods. “He is a blessing from Poseidon, and though he comes with the death of our queen, we will love him as the prince he is.”

The physicians stare at him as though he is already mad. The glint in his eye probably doesn’t help. They know his words are a lie, and so does he. But sometimes it’s lies that keep a kingdom together. Crete is confused, but rejoices nonetheless, and when Asterius is put to bed, he weeps where his children can see. When he’s done crying for Pasiphae’s loss, he collects himself, and tells his children what he knows, and admits he knows the gods are trying to kill him.

Ariadne puts her hand, calloused from her weaving, on his shoulder, and twisting a spindle of thread in her other hand, swears they’ll always find a way through the machinations of the gods. Minos nods and thanks her, and is comforted by this. The vow has magic to it, not that they realize it, yet. Androgeus twists his sheathed sword and tells him that he’ll go be a hero where he can’t hurt his family, so when the time comes, he will be king and give his father a better way out. Minos looks up at his son, who looks heartbreakingly like Rhadamanthys but with all of Miletos’ wit, and knows that when there is no other option, his son will kill him as a monster, and only his family will know any different, and he will save the kingdom.

Crete has always come first. But his children love him, for they have always seen the best of intentions and only just now do they begin to see the road to hell, and they understand his determination. Blood of a hero’s blood. And by Asterius, too, blood of a monster’s blood.

The kingdom rejoices. Asterius grows in royalty and plenty, knows nothing but kindness as Minos makes it clear anyone who treats him more different than necessary can find another kingdom to serve. He slides down polished palace floors into his stepfather’s arms and Minos laughs. He dares the gods in the silence of his own mind to shatter a bond so gentle and innocent as this.

He does not forget that the gods thrive on challenge, and on bleeding out the innocent. The first assassination attempt happens when Asterius is three. Minos has the man jailed, but released when he doesn’t remember anything and can’t tell him why he wanted the young prince dead so badly. After two more, Minos orders Daedalus to build Asterius a paradise where nobody can find him when he doesn’t want to be found, where he can’t be hurt by the sight of a knife and the fear of his family. Asterius is visited every day by his tutors, escorted by his siblings, and sees the outside world only when Minos is there to ensure his safety. He loves him, and he does not want to see his youngest son hurt.

When Asterius is seven, Androgeus goes to Athens to compete in a tournament. He does not return, murdered by his own fellows in envy for his skill. Minos taught him everything he knows about fighting, and in his rage, he conquers Athens (again) and demands a sacrifice every seven years of fourteen youths and Crete will do with the sacrifices as they will. He returns home to plan the funeral and weep, and Ariadne bars his way to the throne room and starts yelling at him, tears bleeding through her voice.

He realizes what he’s done, and the implications of his words. Now everyone thinks that he’s going to feed Athenians to Asterius, all except for those who are perfectly aware that Asterius is a vegetarian, and can’t really stomach meat anyway. He can’t exactly go back on his word, it shows weakness. Kings pay for their convictions, and Crete comes first.

When he can think straight, after crying some more, they hatch a plan. Really, Ariadne is the genius here. Minos is going to go mad no matter what they do. He will have to die a villain, though she fears that with Androgeus gone, she will have to kill her father in his stead. So she proposes hiding the sacrifices in the labyrinth, so Asterius can have friends for once, and when it is time for Minos to go, they will ‘resurrect’ the sacrifices, and show that Crete once more has the blessing of the gods. Minos starts to laugh, and he laughs until his laughter turns into sobs, and he holds his daughter while his family cries.

This is what it means to be king. Crete will always come first.

They manage fourteen years of sacrifices, twenty-eight friends for Asterius who are all relieved to not be dying, who are glad to know they do get to go home one day, and are perfectly happy to keep up with the con so long as they can have some fineries they’ve never been able to reach. Minos smiles and gets them what they’d like. He can’t give them freedom, but for now, he can give them a home.

Theseus is in the third group of sacrifices, and Minos doesn’t know he’s danger. Ariadne takes a shine to him, gives him her thread that she swore to her father would always find the way through the machinations of the gods. Like every weapon, it has a double edge. By giving it to her love, by letting Aphrodite in, she sacrifices Hera. She goes to her father and asks if there’s not a way they can put on a secret wedding, so that he can still walk her down the aisle, knowing he will not be able to live to see his son-in-law free. He agrees.

They never get that far. Daedalus is bitter from the loss of his son, a messy affair that could have been rectified if he’d only asked for his freedom for a while and had sworn to keep his king’s secrets that still keeps Minos awake, crying from all the mistakes he’s made and the fact that his wife will never be able to soothe him back to sleep, and he offers Theseus a faster deal. The red shine of Ares glitters in the young hero’s eyes. The king of Crete has gone mad, and he delights in drawing out the suffering of Athens. A hero must liberate them from the evil king.

Asterius enjoys swordplay, wants to honour his big brother, is delighted that Theseus can spar with him for a while. Theseus’ blade is much sharper than Asterius has ever remembered a blade being. He dies, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Theseus grabs Ariadne, all but limp from the shock and the horror and the sudden, raw guilt of believing Theseus could love her and yet let him near her baby brother, and he runs. Daedalus opens their way, and knows exactly what he’s doing.

Minos is woken by his eldest, Catreus, who already knows what it is to be king, and he sends his father after not Theseus but Daedalus. The mastermind of the cruelty this day. Catreus orders Theseus found and brought to Crete for the crime of murdering a prince and kidnapping a princess. Minos takes up his blade and he runs after Daedalus.

He finds him not far from Sicily. It’s been months on the road, and he knows when he returns with the man’s head, he will have one night with his family, and Catreus will kill him with a kiss to the forehead and a sleeping poison to ensure it doesn’t hurt. Is it really so bad, then, that he draws it out? He wants justice for his son, he always has, but he also isn’t quite ready to say goodbye to the world, even though he knew it was coming for years. Even though he has made every preparation he can for the ending that’s inevitable. The gods win, but Crete will survive.

He wishes he could stop in Rhadamanthys’ kingdom, apologize to his brother for everything, see him one last time before he lets the gods win. He can’t. Daedalus ensnares King Cocalus’ three daughters, and when he finds him there, he accepts hospitality as one final thank you to the world. The bathwater is scalding. The princesses look at him like the monster he’s become to save them all.

Minos finds himself in the Underworld and he does not weep. Not yet. He’s still on a quest. It’s not over yet. Charon takes him to the judges’ hall, where Hades and Persephone look upon him, fascinated, tie him to a chair with chains, and ask for this story.

He tells them, and it’s not until Pasiphae’s death that he has to stop to take a breath, so the tears can fall. He chokes out the rest of the story, makes it to the end, and it’s beginning to set in that he doesn’t get to see Catreus again. He won’t see Ariadne brought home. He won’t get to tell his children that he loves them, that he’s proud of them.

Persephone fixes him with a stare so much like Pasiphae that he weeps stronger, and then forces himself to stop. When Pasiphae gives him that look, she wants him to listen, and when Persephone does it, it seems habits die long after he does. She asks him what he considers his single greatest mistake.

He’s blindsided by the question, but thinks. Starts to answer treating Athens with cruelty, pauses. He wants to make sure he gets this right. Takes a breath, and with more conviction, says that he didn’t treat Rhadamanthys and Poseidon with the same love he treated Zeus and Hera to. Persephone nods, expression stoic, and asks what his greatest achievement is.

He thinks of his love for his wife, and his kingdom. He admits that he wants to say it’s saving Crete, but it came with so much suffering that he isn’t sure it counts. And then he says that his greatest achievement is Asterius, who had everything stacked against him, but Minos loved him, and by the time of his death had never become a monster because Minos had saved him, and the only suffering there was that he would be missed and mourned by all of Crete.

Persephone smiles, just a little. She asks him one last question. If she could snap her fingers and he woke up just outside of Sicily in an inn with Daedalus dead and himself alive, would he ask her to? Would he go back?

He doesn’t need to think. Of course he would. He wants to see his remaining children. He wants to tell them that he loves them. He wants to give them a better ending to this chapter of their lives, even though he knows they’ll have to kill him for his crimes. It won’t do anything for him, not really. Not even for Crete. But he wants to save them, one last time.

She glances at Hades, who smiles for the first time since the trial began. He says that while he cannot give Minos what he deserves, not with his contemporaries so angry with him, he can offer him a choice so very few humans ever achieve. He can send him to another Underworld, held by different gods, and offer him paradise somewhere else. He will never see his family again, not even in death, but he will have a chance to rest, and celebrate, and be happy. Or, he can stay here. He can serve two gods who will never toy with his heart, so completely under their claim that no other god would dare reach for him again, wait for his family, and help them build a kingdom here.

Minos blinks. He isn’t going to be king, not here, not with Hades right there. But it’s a chance to start over, build a place of pride, and when his family returns to him, he can give them all they deserve.

He agrees enthusiastically. He would love to help. He likes building, loves seeing Crete in full festival and laughing. And it means he gets to see his family again.

A fish-god in a wheelchair and a tail for legs wheels themself forward with a metal griffon at their side, and says that the griffon will train him. This looks already better than anything Daedalus came up with, and he’s intrigued. He reaches out to the griffon to shake their paw, only to find that they are now armour, wrapped around him, wings and tassets and gauntlets and all. The Griffon Surplice laughs a little in his ear, their head his helmet and two minds right beside each other, and he smiles.

Hades welcomes his new Spectre, Griffon Minos, and Minos finds himself immediately slammed into by something twice his size. When he gets over his shock, he realizes he’s looking at Asterius, clad in green armour not all that different from his own, and he shines.

Asterius whoops that he knew Minos would stay, that he loves him, and that he thinks Minos has always been the best to him, and that while Pasiphae isn’t here, Androgeus is, and so is Rhadamanthys. Minos starts to cry again, but these are good tears.

He’s finally home.

#asks #anonymous #welp I guess Minos' birthday fic is written???#Anonymous

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dawniebb · 4 years

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Face reveal bc yes

So, guys...especially from the Renegades fandom bc i’m the most active there: you saw the title lmao. This will...barely get notes (i wonder if it’ll get notes at all) buuUUUT YEAH LET’S GOOOO (If you’re gonna reblog pls be respectful bc i have issues and btw reblog ONLY if we are mutuals)

THIS IS ME! <3 HELLOOOO!!!

Now, if you want to stop here, do it. If you don’t...well

I’m going to tell you a story about myself and why I decided to post this.

First of all, I’m not celebrating anything. I’m just celebrating me, I guess (?) and in fact I’ve been wanting to do this since my parents got me a She-Ra cake for my 20th birthday back in May, because I loved that thing and felt the physical need to shove that thing into everyone’s faces But I didn’t because I didn’t feel ready enough...then that thought left my mind, and it came back like two weeks ago.

I’ve had mental issues since I was in like...elementary school. I’m sure I had felt depressed before I turned 12; however, the first memory I hold of feeling so, it’s when I was already 12. Because it was then when I realized that I wasn’t just a dumb kid who didn’t know how to make friends xd To this day, I genuinely feel like I was suffering from isolation bullying; you know xd my classmates purposely excluded me from activities, they would find any excuse for not letting me join their work teams and stuff like that; during my last year at elementary school, I only had like one friend, and that one friend and I shared a sort of abusive/toxic relationship, as in: manipulation, “we’re best friends. you should only talk to ME”, and then this friend turned her back at me too, because she decided to join the rest of the group and ignore me.

lol.

And I remember wondering what was I doing wrong. Like, why didn’t people like me; why didn’t they want to hang out with me; why did everyone seem to have friends except me. And then I got trapped into a very...dark place, and I remember being overthinking one day, because I tend to overthink a lot...and I remembered this specific kid who was in the same class as me.

I was in the line for the teacher to check my homework, and this kid, a boy, was behind me.

You see. I’ve always been chubby xd I don’t think I’ve ever been skinny since I was 2 years old or so, because by the time I was in kindergarten my classmates’ moms were already calling me a ‘little meatball’ thinking it was a fucking adorable nickname because Mexican moms can be pretty shitty sometimes don’t let the media stereotypes fool you not all of them are all cheerful and upbeat and when I was in elementary school, for some reason, besides being chubby, I had a really bad posture. And this boy who was behind me started imitating my way of walking and his friends were laughing, so I turned around and asked him wtf his problem was xd and he turned around to his friends and asked “Do you see how hunchback she is?” like I wasn’t even there xd and I genuinely tried to slap him but I couldn’t, and he said “Yo, stop moving because you’re going to cause an earthquake”

And my mom has always felt personally attacked for the fact I’m...u know, fat. She has always been very insistent on the fact I need to lose weight and stuff like that. And her, mixed with my experiences at school, made me feel like I wasn’t enough.

But my mind started saying things like “And u know why you aren’t enough? Because you’re fat”

Because, like, the day of the hunchback insult, when I told the teacher, who was a very shitty teacher btw but i’m not talking about her again today (i’ve already talked about her in MANY of my university papers, because I’m studying to be an English teacher), she turned around at him and said “Don’t listen to HER” and to this day I still don’t know why xd

But it made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Because I was fat.

Lol x2.

To this day, I still don’t know if I have an ED. Like, I genuinely don’t know. But I can safely say that, if I have one, it’s more likely BED... because, through the years, I managed to lose weight when I turned like 15 and I had my quinceañera party, but then first year of high school came and I had a relapse into depression...like, this might come off as a very unpopular opinion, but junior high school was dope for me x’d I remember it as one of the best years in my life, right after my second and third year in high school (high school in Mexico lasts only three years) and so...when I started my first year in high school and got fucking depressed again, I gained ALL that weight back, and even doubled it. During my second year of high school, I met my friends. The friends I still keep with me to this day. And they accepted me like the fucking train wreck I was, failing math like three times in a row and crying about it every single one of those times because I’m pretty sure I have dyscalculia but my parents won’t listen to me they think i’m just lazy when it comes to math even though they know i cant even read a fucking clock . And them, along with my another very close friend who I met via fanfction when I was 12, helped me go through it. Like, I did have some issues with my body during high school, but not as much as you would expect. They were getting pretty bad in my first and second semester, but during the other four my friends managed to stop me from losing my mind, even when it all went to shit in my third year again for different reasons.

Then I graduated from high school, and I made friends there too. Although my best friends are still my friend from fanfiction, my friends from high school and just one of my university friends. And you know...I was left...pretty scarred from the shit that happened during third year of high school, and even if I didn’t feel like I was *that* depressed, I did gain a lot of weight.

Like, the highest I’ve ever been. Then my dad got sick during October from last year, then my two doggies were murdered god i fucking hate my neighbors the same day my dad was released from the hospital and my mom went kinda nuts during December and I wanted to just...yeah.

So I did a lot of emotional eating. Like, y’all don’t understand.

It was like...I would go to uni and eat a brownie. Then chocolates on my way home. THEN a “a snack” like...fucking rice krispies. Then a huge ass meal, with soda bc why not. Then I would have either cookies or hot cheetos as a treat after my huge ass meal,

I’m a short person xd carrying that much weight was making my ribs and back hurt, as well as my legs and feet; my breathing was freaking awful, and there were some days were I got SO paranoid I just said things like “i’m gonna die today” or “out here trying to get diabetes like the rest of your family, aren’t you??” :’) but i didn’t tell anybody. My parents are not really an option in this case, BUT I didn’t tell my friends, because then I would have to explain that I ate a lot and that was something I was EXTREMELY ashamed of.

When February came, I was scared of going out, because I knew I would have to choose what clothes to wear and nothing fit me anymore and, the things that did, looked super stretched on me and, u know, I was sore. My health was getting bad. But I didn’t like to feel that way.

AND I MUST CLARIFY HERE. I’M WORKING ON THAT. I’M ACTUALLY A BODY POSITIVY DEFENDER, I JUST DIDN’T LIKE HOW *I* LOOKED AND, BESIDES, I WAS GETTING SICK. I GENUINELY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE AT SOME POINT. I’M NOT SAYING BEING FAT OR CHUBBY IS DISGUSTING. NO. I BELIEVE ALL HUMAN BEINGS ARE EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL. AND IF I’M WRITING THIS IS BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO KNOW RECOVERY IS DISGUSTING AND DIFFICULT SOMETIMES AND THAT IF YOU’RE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THAT: I’M SORRY. NOBODY SHOULD EVER FEEL LIKE THAT. I SUPPORT YOU. AND I HOPE THINGS GET BETTER. AND NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS SAY, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE TO CHANGE ONLY IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE. BECAUSE IT’S YOUR BODY. KEEP HOLDING ON.

But going back to the story...

My friends used to tell me I looked pretty all the time, which I appreciate a lot to this day. But my parents were like

Me: I’m fat and I look deformed.

Them: I agree.

Because yeah.

Just before the pandemic madness happened, I went on a school trip with my uni friends and one of them triggered my isolation trauma in the worst way possible...and that, somehow, ruined ALL the photos I took throughout the trip. Because I wasn’t enough. Because I was deformed and fat and I looked like an apple. Because nobody wanted to be seen near me. And my personality was shitty.

Like, I should’ve known I was worth it. I’m still worth it and I know that. But I wasn’t less worth it when I was chubbier. And maybe I didn’t look as bad as my head made me believe. But at the time my mental health was extremely awful.

Now, covid happened.

Not gonna lie. Quarantine fucked me up as much as it fucked everyone else, but for me...by not going out, I stopped being near trigger foods, and I was even able to consult a dietitian.

I’ve lost 15 kg since March. And I’ve managed to love my past self, but I love this one because changing it was my decision. Sure, my parents didn’t help a lot, but in the end it was MY decision. I’ve come to accept I was worth it even when I felt disgusted by myself, and all of those awful things people said or did to me, like my friend during that trip...

I didn’t deserve any of those things. Because NO ONE deserves to be treated that way. No one deserves somebody else making fun of them. No one deserves somebody else doing awful things to them that they know damn well that they trigger their childhood trauma. No one deserves to be judged for the way they look.

I was in a very dark place, and sometimes I’m still inside there. And like...during all those times, I kept posting in here.

I remember being next to my dad in the hospital, telling him “Guess what? Supernova drops this week” or “We’re going to watch TDP together, right?” or “Let me talk to you about She-Ra...” ....those were things that like...saved my life for a while, though mostly Supernova. Because, actually, Marissa Meyer has helped me in my fucking darkest years x’d from my third year of high school until now.

Her books didn’t take my depression away, but they did make things a little lighter for me, even when I felt like dying.

And I know this fandom is like..full of minors, so...I don’t know if any of you need to hear this: But you’re worth it.

If you want to change anything in your body, do it because YOU want to.

Because YOU’LL like you better.

Because it’s YOUR body, and it’s the only part of yourself that you and other people can touch.

Nobody should ever tell you you’re worthless because of your weight and your physical appearance. And if they ever do, then they’re the ones who should apologize, not you.

Nobody has the right to mistreat you, abuse you, or use your own body against you.

As for me...my ribs don’t hurt anymore. Nor does my back or my feet, and my breathing is getting better; I took the conscious decision to lose weight but, like I said, now that I’m not in such a dark place, I’m staring to realize that the past me wasn’t as hideous as my mind was making me believe. She was okay; she was broken inside, but she didn’t deserve anything that happened to her, nor did she deserved to treat herself that badly.

I posted my photo just to celebrate that I can finally said I’m not disgusted anymore. I can finally see myself in pictures again. And see my own reflection. Or go through my closet. Or do my makeup, because I LOVE doing my makeup and I was even ashamed of that. I’m not fully okay yet, but I’m healing.

So, if there’s any little Dawnie around here: I hope you give yourself a chance and realize you’re beautiful.

I hope that, if you change, it’s because you wanted to do it.

I hope you know that it’ll get better even if the healing process it’s not that easy.

I hope you know there’s people who love you.

I hope you know that you are beautiful. You were always beautiful and, no matter what path you choose, you’ll always be beautiful.

And worth it.

And human.

And important.

Take care of yourself, because you’re wonderful, no matter your size <3

#personal #VERY PERSONAL LMAO DAWN WHAT HAPPENED THERE U OK?#tw: eating disorders mention #TRIGGER WARNING EATING DISORDER MENTIONS #tw: depression #TRIGGER WARNING DEPRESSION #face reveal #and im gonna tag this bc yes #renegades trilogy #marissa meyer #renegades #archenemies #supernova #also TW: BULLYING

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musecogitation · 5 years

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↘ 𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐬 / 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐭. 𝟏 ↙

below the cut you’re going to find ( #80 ) tv character tropes / labels. they all have descriptions on them, and they’re pretty diverse. this is part one of two masterlists. this list features the letters A-L. please like / reblog this if you found this list helpful at all.

A :

THE ACADEMIC ATHLETE - this character is well versed in both academics, and sports. they have no limitations, and are incredibly accomplished. they’re proud of what they’ve done, and what they’re capable of.

THE ACCIDENTAL HERO - someone who had no intentions of becoming a hero of any sort, they were living their life perfectly fine beforehand, but something happens, and they opt to step up to the plate and do something rather than turn a blind eye.

THE ACTION GIRL - characterized by a female who regularly takes charge and willingly jumps into fights.

THE ACTION SURVIVOR - someone who, miraculously has managed to survive things they shouldn’t have, this character should by all logic be dead, but they aren’t.

THE ALL LOVING HERO - this type of person is driven by instinct to protect all, even those who have committed terrible acts.

THE ALPHA BITCH - this particular muse has a lot of influence over people around them, odds are, if this muse doesn’t like someone, they’ll ensure that nobody else likes them either. this character may come from a wealthy family and be incredibly spoiled, they’re in charge and often take on leadership roles in their lives.

THE ATONER - someone who is plagued by their past actions, they’re doing their absolute best to try and make up for them in any way they can.

B :

THE BADASS BOOKWORM - a character, who, despite being a complete bibliophile, is more than capable of taking charge and kicking ass.

THE BAD LIAR - a character who is so terrible at lying, it’s almost painful. they are caught in every single lie they’re attempting to tell.

THE BEAUTIFUL ELITE - this muse knows they’re beautiful, they embrace every aspect of it, they’re also rich and they make sure everyone knows. they are constantly talking about their looks and wealth.

THE BENEVOLENT BOSS - someone in a leadership position, unlike typical bosses, this particular employer actually listens to their employees and does what they can for them / to help them, within reason. they are a boss first and foremost, but they aren’t strictly professional with them, they treat their employees with a great deal of respect.

THE BERSERK BUTTON - this character typically maintains a calm, nonchalant demeanor, they’re relatively composed and it’s incredibly difficult to get under their skin, however, there’s one thing that’s capable of making them lose their composure, and it will set them off on a rant.

BEWARE THE NICE ONE - an overall kind individual, but not the type of person you’d want to cross or be on bad terms with, they are capable of things that they seemingly aren’t, and will not hesitate to stand up for what they believe in or fight another person if it’s for what they believe to be the greater good.

BIG EGO, HIDDEN DEPTHS - really similar to hidden depths, this character has a rather large ego, that’s something people constantly see, but what everyone doesn’t see are the layers beneath that depth, they may show what’s beneath the surface, but they revert back to their typical ways.

THE BIKER BABE - a ( typically ) female muse who owns a motorcycle, she has a lot of leather jackets and pants in her closet and plenty of combat boots.

THE BIRTHDAY HATER - a character who, for whatever reason, hates birthdays. they don’t celebrate their own, they don’t even like birthday wishes, they typically don’t tell people when their birthday is, they just avoid the subject at all costs.

THE BLOOD KNIGHT - this character is thrilled / turned on by danger / dangerous people, they would experience excitement in situations where most people would experience fear.

BORN IN THE WRONG CENTURY - this particular character is the type of character who was born in a century that seemingly wasn’t appropriate for them, they tend to be old fashioned in their decor and maybe even mannerisms. they’re often a bit of a mystery to the people in their lives

THE BRAINLESS BEAUTY - a character who is quite attractive and fawned over, though they lack common sense. they’re the type of person who gets by on their looks and has plenty of success in the dating field, but they’re not exactly book smart. they can have any sort of personality, really.

THE BREAKUP BONFIRE - a reckless type of character, who copes with breakups by simply burning everything having to do with that relationship, it’s their way of getting over any exes.

BREAK THE CUTIE - a character who once had a seemingly normal / perfect life, they were happy-go-lucky and everything was going great for them until tragedy struck, and since then, they’ve been plagued by unfortunate events, and they can’t seem to catch a break.

BRILLIANT BUT LAZY - a character who is quite intelligent / clever but they lack the motivation to actually apply themselves to something. their potential is often unused.

THE BROKEN ACE - this particular character is the antonym of the ace, they were once the best at what they did, but through no fault of their own, tragedy struck, and it made them unable to continue being the best, they’re often plagued by this and tend to feel at a loss, they tend to vent about it to their peers and wish there was something that could be done to bring them back to what they once were.

THE BROKEN BIRD - characterized by an individual with a dark and troubled past, they’ve really been through the ringer, yet they’re still going. they may take on leadership / mentor roles and they tend to be on the more cynical side, they don’t tend to let their emotions show often.

THE BROKEN PEDESTAL - this character has to cope with the fact that someone they once idolized is not the wonderful person who they appeared to be, but rather, a terrible one. they often feel lost and confused, as they no longer know who to look up to, and have doubts about people who could potentially be great role models.

THE BROKEN PEDESTAL ( PT 2 ) - alternatively, this character could have once been idolized, but that has changed and now they’ve sort of fallen from grace, and they’re unsure of how to cope with their image being completely changed.

THE BUNNY EARS LAWYER - this person is kind of quirky, anyone could point that out, but they’re incredibly good at their job, and nobody really questions the strange things they may do because of it.

C :

THE CHESS MASTER - this is an incredibly patient muse, they may seem oblivious, but in reality, they are quietly plotting something big. they’re intelligent and not everyone around them is aware of this, which works to their advantage.

THE CHRONIC BACKSTABBER - this character will sell out anyone if it means they’re saving their own skin, friends, family, lovers, absolutely anyone to ensure their own safety. they have themselves at the forefront of their mind.

CHRONIC HERO SYNDROME - this particular individual’s instincts are always to protect / care for everyone around them before they begin to consider taking care of themselves, regardless of the circumstances.

THE CLOSET GEEK - a character who takes others by surprise, as they don’t appear to fit any sort of ‘nerdy’ trope, they put out a much tougher, almost jock-like personality out there, but they’re actually quite smart, it’s just not something everyone’s aware of until they make it known to them.

THE COMICALLY SERIOUS - an individual who, despite saying something witty, says it in a deadpan tone and tends to confuse people because of it. while they are hilarious, the way they deliver their jokes is strange to most people.

THE CULTURED BADASS - a character who has experience in many fields, they have a wide skill set, but the most important thing to remember about this person, is that they’re a tough cookie and will absolutely kick anyone’s ass.

D :

THE DAMSEL OUT OF DISTRESS - a bit of an alternative to the action girl, this particular person doesn’t wait around for someone to come and rescue them, they can, and will, take care of themselves.

THE DEADPAN SNARKER - this particular character is sarcastic as can be, they’re known for quick one liners and the best comebacks, they’re a bit of a strategist and can easily detect flaws in plans and point them out in a sardonic manner.

THE DEFROSTING ICE QUEEN / KING - someone who used to be known as the ice queen, but their heart is slowly melting and they’re beginning to let people in and become open to the idea of love. they still have their moments, but they’re trying their best to loosen up and be more open.

THE DETERMINATOR - this character is incredibly determined, they’re persistent and refuse to give up something they’re passionate about, even though the odds seem stacked against them. their unwillingness to give up is often one of their strongest attributes.

THE DITZY GENIUS - this particular character is not skilled when it comes to things such as math and literacy, they are incredibly impulsive and reckless, however, they’ve been known to be able to formulate plans for all scenarios, they are intelligent in areas that are just not as common as others, and can often be an asset to people.

THE DUTIFUL CHILD - this muse cares about their parents, they would do anything for them, including putting their own future on hold if one of their parents was in need of help. they are devoted as can be.

DYSFUNCTION JUNCTION - this character has a troubled past, they’re riddled with trust issues and struggle to open up to the people around them. they struggle constantly in their day-to-day life.

E :

EAGLE-EYE DETECTION - a character who has a knack for being able to notice when things add up, and especially when they don’t. they’d make an incredible detective, as nothing goes unnoticed with them.

THE EMOTIONAL BRUISER - a tough character, they’re viewed as strong by everyone that knows them, but they are also incredibly soft at the core, and their emotions are worn on their sleeve, so it’s fairly easy to tell when something is bothering them.

THE ERUDITE STONER - a philosophical type of stoner, they’re deep and quite mellow / relaxed. they aren’t easy to anger, and they’re actually quite wise.

EMOTIONALLY TONGUE-TIED - this character struggles to express positive emotions, they’re not fond of being emotionally vulnerable, so when they speak, it’s often negative and judgmental.

THE EXTREME DOORMAT - this character is often walked all over, their friends constantly make them the butt of the joke, they aren’t the type of person who stands up for themselves, and they are hardly ever anyone’s top priority, yet their heart is still made of gold, and they care deeply about all of the people in their lives.

EVEN EVIL HAS STANDARDS - a character who typically lacks most morals, but even this individual has things that they wouldn’t dare do, there are just certain things they’re not capable of. they would even defend someone if they saw the need arise.

F :

THE FETTERED - a character lead by their morals, they’re firm believers in justice and have morals they swear by. they do what is right, and they’re passionate about their beliefs. they’ll do what it takes to ensure that justice is maintained.

THE FORMER TEEN REBEL - this character spent the entirety of their youth being rebellious, they were most likely a juvenile delinquent and had the tendency to be incredibly reckless. eventually, they grew up and matured, most likely due to a serious situation, though their past will never leave them, and they tend to be associated with it constantly and have to work twice as hard to prove themselves as a responsible adult.

THE FREUDIAN EXCUSE - a character riddled by a troubled past, their actions are sometimes attempted to be justified due to the things that happened to them growing up.

THE FRIEND TO BUGS - despite most people not liking bugs, this muse absolutely loves them and would protect them. they wouldn’t let anyone kill a bug in front of them, and they’re not afraid to get up close and personal with them.

G :

THE GADFLY - this character isn’t necessarily a bad person, but they are the type of person who will make fun of people or intentionally provoke them to get a rise out of them. they’re entertaining to anyone who isn’t the butt of their joke.

THE GENIUS BRUISER - a physically strong character who is more than capable of holding their own, who also is incredibly intelligent and knows it. their brain is one of their strongest assets, along with their ability to defend themselves.

GIRLY GIRL WITH A TOMBOY STREAK - a female muse who is incredibly feminine / girly almost all of the time, but has been known to have interests / hobbies that aren’t necessarily associated with being feminine.

THE GOOD BAD GIRL - a female muse who seems to fall under the ‘good girl’ trope, but there’s an entirely different story to her, she’s not as innocent as she seems, and definitely isn’t the girl-next-door type. she’s actually quite audacious and will challenge people.

H :

HAIR OF GOLD / HEART OF GOLD - a blonde character who has a heart of gold, they’re passionate and sincere.

HEADPHONES EQUAL ISOLATION - this character can often be found wearing headphones, they listen to music regularly to tune out the people around them, it’s their own way of avoiding conversations.

HEART IS AN AWESOME POWER - this character is empathetic, they’re very in tune with their emotions as well as the emotions of other people around them. they’re compassionate and driven by their desire to help people.

THE HERO / THE HEROINE - they’re known as a protector of sorts, they are a true friend to the people in their lives, they have high morals and stick to them. they are the type to sacrifice themselves for others. they might not always be in a leadership position, though. this character may have a troubled past as well.

HIDDEN DEPTHS - this character isn’t all that they seem, they take others by surprise when they discover that there’s more to them than meets the eye. they have a bit of an “you never asked, so i never said anything” quality to them.

HIDDEN HEART OF GOLD - at their core, they’re an outstanding person, they care deeply and love with everything they have, but they are afraid to show that part of themselves, they absolutely hate displaying those emotions, they prefer pretending as if they’re not even there.

I :

THE ICE QUEEN - this particular ( typically ) female character is associated with having ice-like qualities, they’re often dismissive and appear to have a heart made of ice, they are not usually receptive to love, as they find themselves scared of it. generally not a nice person, and they don’t care about hurting other people’s feelings.

THE INNOCENTLY INSENSITIVE - someone who lacks common social skills, they often don’t realize that what they’re saying is offensive to who they’re speaking to, which often leads to them unintentionally upsetting a lot of people.

THE INSTANT EXPERT - this particular character is a quick learner, they’re able to grasp an understanding of something with one attempt, and don’t need any more assistance with it after that.

THE INSUFFERABLE GENIUS - this character is intelligent, they are aware of it, and make everyone aware of it, they tend to look down upon people who aren’t as intelligent as they are. they lack the social skills necessary to understand how off-putting it is to people. they gloat constantly, and it bothers the people around them.

IT’S ALL ABOUT ME - a character who is selfish, they’re always thinking about themselves, and have a difficult time imagining putting someone else before themselves. everyone who knows them is more than aware of the fact that they’re selfish, too.

J :

THE JERK WITH A HEART OF GOLD - they put on a huge front, they act like a jerk to most, but beneath that tough exterior, they actually do have a heart of gold, it is just covered up with layers and layers of attitude / rudeness.

K :

KALEIDOSCOPE HAIR - this particular person goes through multiple different hairstyles in a very short span of time, and nobody is entirely certain why that’s the case, either.

THE KARMA HOUDINI - this character is not really a good person, they’ve done numerous spiteful things, they should have definitely faced some sort of repercussions for their actions, but they never seem to. they constantly evade that, and people who perceive them as innocent continue to do so, it’s as if they’re incapable of doing wrong in certain people’s eyes, and even if they witness something, they simply dismiss it.

THE KIRK - a character often placed in the middle of two opposing people, they are often forced to listen to both of them and side with whichever person they agree most with, they’re a decision maker of sorts. they didn’t ask to be put in the middle, but they’re forced to stay in it. this person is rather logical and thinks all potential outcomes through before making their decisions.

THE KNOW-NOTHING-KNOW-IT-ALL - this character is the type of person who, despite not knowing anything about a certain subject, feels suited enough to offer what they deem as sound advice on it. could potentially be a columnist for a magazine / newspaper.

L :

THE LANCER - they’re the type of character who supports someone, they attempt to be a guide of sorts, and tend to try motivating other people to get behind someone else’s cause, they’re not necessarily leaders, but they’re a supporter of the leader.

THE LAST-NAME BASIS - for whatever reason, this character is almost always referred to by their surname, regardless of the nature of their relationships with people.

THE LEADER WANNABE - a character who doesn’t necessarily have leadership qualities, but they want to be a leader, or try to fill in the shoes of a different leader who isn’t around anymore.

THE LETHAL CHEF - a character, who, despite trying their best, simply cannot cook well. their food is terrible every time they try, and the people in their life always try avoiding eating whatever it is they prepare.

THE LIMITED WARDROBE - this particular character tends to wear only one color of clothing, their closet is full of it, and they aren’t bothered by it in the least. people may point it out to them, but they disregard it. they prefer their one color, and they’re not a fan of changing their style.

THE LOAD - this type of character has difficulty surviving on their own in high stakes situations, they’re often used as leverage against heroic types of characters.

LOCKED OUT OF THE LOOP - this character is someone who isn’t up to date on information that may be critical for them to know, they’re left in the dark.

LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES - this person has had a string of bad luck when it comes to finding love, they want to find it, but they’re looking everywhere they shouldn’t be, which leads to many disappointments and heartbreaks.

LOOPHOLE MISUSE - this character takes any chance they can get to use a loophole, they absolutely take advantage of them, and find amusement in doing it.

THE LOVABLE ALPHA BITCH - this particular character is seemingly awful, they’re snarky and rude and have an attitude that most people cannot stand, however, they’re not actually as bad once you get to know them. they’re fiercely protective of their friends and they are likable under the exterior they put up. not many people know this about them.

#dearindies #rph #labels masterlist #character labels #indie rp #posted by s #ml

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oboevallis · 4 years

Text

shy

i am so sorry this is so long, this is part of my unexpected universe

“Hey we’re home!” Link announced coming through the door with their daughters on his hip. He could tell by the look on his wife’s face she was on the verge of tears. “Hey what’s going on?”

“This makes no sense.” Amelia’s voice broke mid sentence.

“Mommy don’t cry.” Scout begged, it upset him seeing his mother upset.

“Can you help him? I’ll clean up Addie.” She took the girl from links arms, and link could hear the girls mother ask how soccer practice was, and heard his daughter explain how she hated it.

“What do we have here? Long division?”

“Yeah, is mommy okay? Why’d she get so upset over math?” Scout innocently asked.

“Well her hormones are in overdrive right now because she’s pregnant. So that can make her kinda emotional. So things that don’t normally upset her can upset her now.” Link tried to explain it simply for their son to understand.

“Oh like when Addie was in her belly and she’d cry when my dinosaur action figure would bite her dinosaur action figure?”

“Exactly.” Link ruffled his sons dirty blonde hair and directed his attention towards the math sheet. After a half hour the girls came back into the kitchen both in their pajamas. To find the boys still working on the worksheet.

“You guys figure it out?”

“Not yet.” Link was embarrassed to admit, but he didn’t seem to understand it either.

“This is ridiculous.” Amelia sighed taking out her phone and putting the problem into her calculator.

“Mommy we can’t do that we have to show our work.” It took everything in the boys mother not to roll her eyes.

“It’ll be fine. If you get in trouble it’s on me. But this is ridiculous if two surgeons can’t figure it out they can’t expect a third grader to.”

_______________________________________

“There was no reason for that to of been as difficult as it was.” Amelia complained still upset about the math problem as she crawled into bed.

“He’ll figure it out in class tomorrow. I wouldn’t worry about it.” Link distractedly said, other things on his mind worrying him.

“You okay? You seem off.” Amelia stated once curling into her husband.

“Yeah, just worried about Addie.”

“Why?” Amelia’s head shot up so she was looking at him.

“Well when I picked Addie up, I showed up a bit early. So they were still practicing, and the coach asked them to pair up and Addie didn’t go to anyone. She waited until someone had to go up to her cause she was the only one left.”

“Well, I mean. She may just not have friends on the team.”

“You don’t find it concerning that every time we tell her it’s time for soccer she loses her mind and starts crying?”

“She just doesn’t want to stop playing with her toys.”

“Amelia.” Link sighed, his girlfriend didn’t understand what he was trying to say. “I don’t think she has any friends on the team.”

“Well she isn’t going to be friends with everyone. Maybe she just doesn’t like soccer, and if that’s the case she doesn’t have to go anymore she hates it anyway.”

“She doesn’t have friends in general, Amelia! And she’s most definitely not stopping soccer.”

“If she wants to, she can stop playing soccer. Especially if it’s making her unhappy.” Amelia disregarded his first statement.

“Amelia she’s not stopping soccer. Your coddling her. When she gets invited to a birthday party and she doesn’t want to go you let her! That’s not good she needs to make friends and be put in social situations.” Link was starting to lose his temperament. “And she barely gets invited to birthday parties or play dates in the first place because she has no friends!”

“She has friends.” Amelia nervously bit at her lip, knowing that wasn’t true.

“Amelia..”

“She has Scout. They’re good friends.”

“Their siblings.”

“Yeah and they get along and play well together. Better than me and my siblings.”

“I’m not saying she has to have 100 friends but she needs more than just Scout.”

“She’ll have this baby.” Amelia gestured towards her small bump. “And some kids just don’t have a lot of friends.”

“I get that, but she has 0 friends. Scout has tons and tons I barley can keep track.”

“Now your comparing her to Scout?”

“No, of course not. You know what. We can finish this conversation in the morning.” Link sighed turning around, pushing his wife off of him.

________________________________________

“Can I have some more syrup mommy?” Addie asked holding out her plate.

“Of course.” Amelia smiled, pouring the syrup onto the girls waffles. “So your birthday is coming up. I was thinking we could have a party who do you want to invite?”

“You and daddy and Scout and Auntie Maggie and Auntie Mer and Zola and Bailey and Ellis. Oh! And Jo!” Addie smiled excitedly.

“Well how about any of your friends from school?” Amelia wearily asked, she could feel Links gaze on her. Addie shook her head no and messily ate her waffle getting syrup all over herself.

“You should invite some of your friends. Or maybe your friends from soccer. Everything is so much funner with friends.” Scout suggested, after taking a long gulp of orange juice.

“Hmm no thanks. Just the people I said.”

“That’s boring.” Scout concluded.

“If it’s what Addie wants than it’s fine. And funner is not a word.” The boys mother reprimanded. Scout looked outside the window to see some of the kids on the block playing kick ball in the cul-de-sac.

“Can I go play kick ball?” Scout asked excitedly, he loved playing with anyone who’d play with him.

“Sure.” Link said looking out the window as well, getting up to follow his son to make sure the game was regulated and no one got hurt.

“I was think we could go to the park today. Just the two of us.” Amelia smiled looking at her daughter.

“Can we got on the swings? That’s my favorite.”

“Of course! You couldn’t go to the park with out going on the swings.”

________________________________________

“Mommy you don’t have to push me. I can do it myself.” Addie told her mother as she kicked her legs back and forth allowing her to keep swinging. “You should swing with me.”

“Anything else you think we should do at the park?” The girls mother asked as she sat on the swing next to her daughter lightly swaying back and forth.

“Maybe the slides.” Addie looked around the park to see if there was anything else she wanted to do, and then back at her mother. “Why aren’t you going high? I’m going waaaaaaaaaaay higher than you.”

“I enjoy just swaying here.”

“That’s kinda boring.”

“Hmm I guess it is.” Amelia looked around the park spotting a boy who looked about her daughters age playing in the sandbox alone. She hopped off the swing and took her daughters hand. “How about we go over there and play with that kid, he seems lonely.”

“No, no, no.” Addie tried pulling away from the grasp her mother had on her hand.

“It’ll be fun. I’m sure it’ll make his day.”

“NO! Please mommy no!” Addison was on the verge of tears, trying to pull her mother back to the swings.

“Why not it could be fun, we could make a new friend.”

“NO mommy please don’t make me! Please no!” Addie begged, struggling to pull her mother back to the swings. Amelia sighed letting go allowing her daughter to run back to the swings. She looked back over to the sandbox to see another boy join the boy already at the sandbox and saw the two get acquainted and playing with one another.

“Look at how much fun those two are having what if we joined them.” Amelia tried again once she walked back to the swings. She watched her daughter look over to the sandbox.

“Want to go on the slides now?” Addie asked trying to change her mother’s attention.

“Sure, want to see if those boys want to join us?”

“No thanks, but you can go play with those boys if you want but I’m going to go on the slide alone.” Addie said jumping off the swing and running over to the slide. Amelia sighed following her daughter to the slides.

_______________________________________

“Why are you so quiet?” Meredith suspiciously asked as the pair operated together simultaneously.

“I’m worried about Addie.”

“Why? Because she doesn’t have any friends?” Amelia looked up at Meredith in shock, not realizing other people had noticed before her.

“What? She just doesn’t. Ellis didn’t have many friends when she was Addie’s age. Now that she’s in middle school she’s a bit more outgoing and has more friends. But she’s still just soft spoken and reserved.”

“How’d you get Ellis to make friends?”

“You can’t make your kid do anything. I just let her be and didn’t push her. I’d take her to the park and go up to kids with her and help her ask questions and get friendly with kids. And before going to a birthday party I’d tell her who was going to be there and what would most likely happen. That seemed to help her, every kids different though.”

“I took her to the park this morning and there was this boy in the sandbox by himself and I suggested we go over to play with him and she got so upset and begged me not to make her go over there. So she went back to the swings and I look over to see this other kid go up and introduce himself and they just started playing. And I realized I’ve never seen Addie do that.”

“Some kids just aren’t outgoing.”

“But she’s so outgoing when she plays with Scout. When Ellis was her age even if she was comfortable with someone and having fun she was still quiet spoken. I known Addie can be friendly and outgoing she just isn’t with people other than Scout.”

“Every kids different, you know that. What’s she like during play dates?” Meredith looked up at her sister when she didn’t respond. “She doesn’t do play dates?”

“She just gets so upset and begs me to let her not go. I just don’t find it worth it making her go if she’s gonna get so upset over.”

“You have to be accommodating to her feelings, but you can’t enable her.”

“I’m not enabling her.” Amelia defensively said.

“Has she ever had a play date with someone other than my kids?”

“Once or twice.”

“Amelia she’s 5.”

“I’m aware of that fact. Now we should really focus on our patient.”

______________________________________

“Thanks for watching the kids Maggie.” Amelia thanked her sister as she walked into the house.

“Of course.” Maggie smiled. “I love spending time with your kids, especially now that Mers kids are older and they don’t really want anything to do with me.”

“It feels like only yesterday they were little kids.” Amelia smiled thinking about when she first came to Seattle and Bailey was a little infant.

“You two have a hot date?” Maggie asked once Link stepped into the foyer, checking her watch for the time. “Kind of early though.”

“Parent-Teacher conference.”

“Oh, sounds fun.”

“Hmm.” Amelia hummed. “Thanks again.”

“Anytime.” The couple walked out of the house and could hear Scout cheering about his aunt being at the house.

“Are you nervous?” Link asked as he buckled his seatbelt and started the car.

“Why would I be nervous. We’ve done tons of parent teacher conferences for Scout.”

“And this is Addies first one.”

“And? It’ll be just the same, they’ll tell us about her grades and how she’s doing on her tests.”

“My parents are thinking about coming up for a visit. I was thinking we could take the kids to a Mariners game when they come.”

“Sounds fun. Scout would absolutely love that. When are they thinking of coming up?” Amelia asked, she enjoyed Links parents and the kids absolutely loved spending time with them.

“Two weeks. I haven’t told them about the pregnancy yet, I’m sure they’ll be excited though.”

“Yeah, I think Addies warmed up to the idea of the new baby.”

“Me too. I wonder what changed.”

“Scout talked to her. He told her about how upset he was when she was on the way, and how they’d still be loved.”

“He’s an amazing big brother.”

“Right? I’m really proud of him, I think being a big brother is the most important job and he’s really living up to it.” The rest of the ride was filled with comfortable silence until they got to the school, and went into their daughters classroom.

“Hi, you two must be Mr and Mrs Lincoln.” The teacher cheerfully greeted, while Amelia internally cringed she hated being referred to as Mrs Lincoln. The two shook the teachers hand and sat down at the table with the teacher. “Id just like to start off by saying how sweet and bright Addison is. Her test scores are right where they should be, and she’s definitely excelling in reading. Silent reading time is her favorite part of the day. I do have some concerns though.”

“What kind of concerns?” Link had a feeling he knew where this was going.

“For example during silent reading a lot of kids like to try and talk to one another about what their reading. And she doesn’t do that.”

“So you concerned she’s following the rules of silent reading?” Amelia asked getting irritated.

“No, I appreciate how she follows rules. That was a bad example. But she doesn’t talk to anyone or play with anyone at recess or lunch. Have you guys noticed this?”

“Yeah, but she plays with her brother a lot though, she knows how to share and play. She likes spending a lot of time with us though.” Link responded.

“Lots of kids have social anxiety.” Amelia felt the urge to cry, she really hated pregnancy hormones, she knew her daughter most likely had social anxiety but to hear someone say it was different. “Kids with social anxiety are attached to their parents, especially when they have working mothers.”

______________________________________

“The teacher was such a bitch! I want Addie out of her class.” Amelia practically yelled slamming the car door.

“That teacher was out of line, I agree but I don’t think we need to get her a new teacher.” Link calmly stated as he started the car. “You know her anxiety isn’t because you work, right?”

“Yeah I know.” Amelia softly says.

“Amelia it’s not your fault.”

“We should look into those play groups though. Try to get her acquainted with people.”

“I agree.” Link agreed the two sat in silence until he spoke again. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“We’re gonna figure this out, and we’re gonna help Addie and it’s all going be fine.”

#amelia shepherd #amelink #atticus lincoln #baby amelink #greys anatomy #greysanatomy #greys fanfic #greys anatomy fanfic #scout lincoln #addison lincoln

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midnightartemis · 4 years

Text

One Night, Last Night

Chapter One

Explicit- See AO3 For Full Warnings

Out of all the months of the year, Rey hated August the most. The lines to the food truck always grew exponentially longer, the truck’s AC was long past the point of heat and humidity that the old beast could handle, and Hux and Rose always got into screaming matches this late in the season.

At least the nights were cool. The Free Movie Series in the park always brought a crowd, so service was constant with only a few short pauses in orders. The movie played in the background while Rose chatted with customers and barked orders and all Rey had to do was prep and handoff. It was second nature to her after years of working at Cantina Pho Sho.

Spanish-Vietnamese Fusion. It’s surprisingly damn delicious and all thanks to a drunken college night with Rose and Poe. Three years later, it’s still going strong.

No thanks to the arseholes in the truck beside them.

Though Rey was pretty sure the rivalry between the Cantina truck and the First Order truck was what kept both of them in business. Over the years there had been a bet for who could get the most Instagram followers (Rose won). Then who could serve the most specials in one night (Hux). Then there was the daily race to the best spots downtown for the lunch and post-lunch rushes. Rey was extremely surprised one of them hadn’t crashed yet, especially after bearing witness to Rose’s driving over the years.

She wouldn’t give it up for anything. Even if she was sweating profusely and had already soaked through three towels. The rush had her slaving over the grill for a solid three hours non-stop, but it was slowing up now that the movie had started. They had already sold out of one of their specials- Spicy Seafood Paella with a side of spring rolls, topped with Rose’s homemade sweet and sour sauce. Fried deliciousness. The other special was more Americanized, just to piss off the First Order boys. It was a burger topped with their pickled Bánh mì veggies, swiss cheese, chilies, and cilantro.

It was inevitable that at some point either Hux or Ben would come stomping over to the truck and make wild accusations that they were stealing their business. Even though their line was just as long. Rey swore that it was just so that Hux would have the excuse to talk to Rose, but Rose swore it was so that Ben could talk to Rey.

Which was a ridiculous idea.

Ben had never shown anything but utter contempt for either of them. And it had become something of a game to her find the best ways to piss him off.

Hence the Bahn mi burger.

“Rey!”

Rey jolted out of her reverie at the sound of Rose’s voice. The short Vietnamese woman was perched on the box that let her see outside the window. She was wearing that expression that she always wore when Rey got distracted on the job.

It’s not her fault- Rey couldn’t help if cooking was like meditation to her.

“Yeah?”

Rose sighed, though there was a little smile on her face as if she knew exactly what, or who, Rey had been thinking about. “How many burgers left?”

Rey made quick stock of their dwindling supplies. “Only five. Push the spring rolls and the empanadas.”

They had a large menu in reality, but since they operated only out of the truck, the menu rotated weekly and Rose and Poe were always coming up with new ideas and trying out new recipes. They hadn’t expected to sell out tonight, which meant that she’d spend most of tomorrow gathering and preparing supplies. She wasn’t complaining one bit as long as Rose and Poe were the ones that handled the finances (She was decent at math, but accounting made her brain hurt).

Not twenty minutes later, they had sold off the last of their specials and Rose had struck them off of their chalkboard menu. Distantly, she could hear the opening credits of Mama Mia! Rey could only wonder how long ABBA would be stuck in her head.

Orders slowed to their horchata chè drink and churros as people moved from dinner to desserts. Rey wrapped up the last order before there was a pause in the line and had only just stripped her gloves and wiped her hands when there was a rapid banging on the back door.

“Hey!” Bang, bang, bang. “Hey!”

Rey sighed and rolled her eyes at Rose, though they both had smirks on their faces. Rey stripped off her apron and towels. “I’ll handle him.”

“Oh, handle him?” Rose wriggled her brows suggestively and Rey threw her dirty towel at the woman. “Take a break while you’re at it.”

“Okay, mom.” Rey laughed and plucked a freshly fried churro from the pile of them. She jumped as there were three more bangs on the back door. She pushed it open quickly, forcing the man behind them to jump back.

Ben crossed his arms and scowled at the sight of her.

“What do you want?” Rey jumped down from the truck and closed the door behind her.

“What do you mean what do I want? I want you to stop stealing our food.” Ben stood a good foot taller than her. His long dark hair had been braided back in three rows to form a bun on top of his head. Rey had never been a fan of man buns, but…

“We are not stealing anything. Stealing would imply that you have something worth taking.”

Oh, that got him. It satisfied Rey to no end to watch Ben Solo get riled up. She’d never met anyone as intense about food as he was. She took a bite out of her churro and started moving to the back of their truck. It faced away from the crowd towards the park’s pond, which was fairly dark and isolated.

“At least we don’t ruin them with whatever shit you put on them.” Ben hissed as he followed her around the truck’s corner.

“At least we don’t give people heart attacks on purpose.”

“Heart attacks are the American way. You know it and that’s why you’re stealing our burgers.”

“Hmm… Did you sell out tonight?” Rey raised her brows.

“We would have if you weren’t stealing our business!”

“We aren’t stealing your- You know what you are?”

“What?”

“You’re a difficult man, that’s what. You don’t own burgers, you know that right?” Churro forgotten, Rey put her hands on her hips, trying to match the giant man before her. It wasn’t fair that on top of being tall he was also ridiculously fit. She knew just by looking at him that he could pick her up and pin her against- she was getting off-topic.

“I’m a difficult- I’m difficult? You’re difficult. Maybe I wouldn’t be so “difficult” if you weren’t always taking our customers and stealing our food.”

“Oh my god, seriously? Are you mental? Are you really telling me that you think that someone who wanted bacon and eggs and cheese with a side of heart attack on their slab of frozen cow meat you dare call a burger would be so easily swayed from the dark side to have a gourmet burger with pickled veggies?”

“Our meat is fresh and you know it.”

“Fresh from where? McDonald’s?”

Ben’s jaw dropped. He looked almost as if Rey had just slapped him in the face or kicked his puppy. “Are you calling my burgers flat?”

“No, just wondering why you’re trying to murder your regulars.”

Ben looked capable of murder at that moment. The tips of his ears had gone beet red, his lips were pressed into a tight line and there was something dangerous in his eyes. So why the fuck did that completely turn her on?

“At least I don’t give my regulars food poisoning.”

“That was one time with a new cook and you fucking know it.” Rey stepped forward to jab her finger in his chest. “Maybe the reason everyone comes to our truck is because we’re not a bunch of arseholes.”

He huffed a laugh at that as he looked down at her. Gods he was so tall. Her heart raced when she realized how close together they were standing. He was close enough she could reach out and touch those muscular arms or run her fingers through his dark hair to pull out that ridiculous bun.

“You know what I think?”

Her heart stopped at the low rumble in his voice. She could feel herself getting wet and hated it. Her mouth went dry and she licked her lips with only made his eyes drop to them and everything worse. He looked back up at her with that stupid smirk on his face and Rey snarled. “What?”

“I think you like this.”

“If you think I like anything to do with you you’re sorely mistaken.” Lies. Big bloody lies.

His eyes dipped down to her lips as he stepped forward, forcing Rey to take a step back. “I think you sit around all day coming up with ways to piss me off. Just so you can see me.”

Another step forward. Another step back. Rey’s heart was beating so hard she could swear it was leaping out of her chest. He was close enough she could smell him- sweat and charcoal and fire and something heady, musty.

“You know I can take whatever I want.” His eyes flicked up to meet hers, dark and dilated. She’d forgotten how to speak.

Her back hit the truck jarring her enough to remember to be angry. “Fuck. You.”

He grinned and slowly leaned into her, bracing his hands on either side of her head. She was frozen beneath him, refusing to look at his bloody kissable lips. Refusing to acknowledge the heat between her thighs and the want in her gut. He held her eyes for a moment, heavy and hooded. He seemed to be trying to make a decision as he searched her face. He leaned in closer and her breath hitched, shaking at his nearing. His lips brushed against her cheek. “If I’m right…. I’ll be waiting for you.”

“And if you’re wrong?” She wasn’t sure how she found the words. Her voice shook as she said them.

Ben pulled back and grinned. His eyes slowly caressed over her lips to her eyes. “I’m not wrong, sweetheart.”

“We’ll see about that.” Rey pushed away from the truck and slipped out under his arm. He let her go, but she could feel him watching. Legs shaking, Rey broke into a half run towards the park bathrooms after she rounded the corner.

Fuck him.

That arsehole.

That complete pretentious prick.

Who the fuck did he think he was?

Who the fuck-

Rey ran cold water over her wrists and splashed her face. When she looked in the mirror all she saw was frizzy, greasy, sweaty hair peeking out from under her green bandanna, red hot cheeks, and sweaty skin. She sniffed her armpits and gagged. At least she had taken the time to shave yesterday.

At least?!?

No.

She was not going to meet him after work. She was not going to give that arsehole the time of the fucking day, no matter how good he smelled. No matter how wet just his voice made her. No matter that she had fantasized about those hands for months.

Fucker.

Rey dried her face off and left the bathroom. There was no line that she could see in front of her truck, so she took her time walking back, pausing to watch Donna, Rosie, and Tanya reunite. It had been years since she watched Mamma Mia.

Eventually hurried past the First Order trunk and jumped back into the back of Cantina Pho Sho food truck.

Rose looked utterly bored at the counter. “What’d he say?”

Rey froze before remembering that she wasn’t talking about Ben’s proposition. “He was pissed about the burger.” Rey rolled her eyes and tried to wave away any suspicion. “He literally said we were stealing his food.”

Rose snorted. “You can’t steal a burger.”

“That’s what I said! He’s such an arse.”

“He’s got a nice arse.” Rose winked. “They both do.”

“I can’t believe you think Hux is hot.” Rey grabbed her inventory sheets as she tried to steer the conversation away from Ben. If Rose ever found out what had actually happened behind the truck, the woman would never let it go.

“It’s just… something about gingers.” Rose stared wistfully out the window. “I could climb him like a tree.”

With Rose off in La La Land thinking about Hux, Rey settled into taking stock of all the items she’d need to get tomorrow.

The rest of the night went slowly with only a few people coming up during the movie to drinks or dessert. They usually left a little half-way through the movie to beat the crowds leaving. After fifteen minutes of no new customers, Rose shut the ordering windows and helped Rey pack up.

She wasn’t going to meet him.

She wasn’t.

She was going to walk straight to her car.

Rey closed up the back door of the truck and waved Rose off.

She knew Ben drove. She had seen him drive in. The First Order truck had already taken off.

She walked towards the park's parking lot and spied him instantly. It wasn’t hard to spot him leaning against his old Chevy impala, arms crossed, with a scowl on his face. He was looking over at the large movie screen, not at her. She could still make it to her car and take off.

So why did her feet turn towards him? Rey scowled at herself and cursed her vagina brain. Just because it wanted to get dicked down so bad, didn’t mean that she wanted to.

Okay. She wanted to.

Just not with the arsehole who would hold it over her head for as long as he could. No matter how much chemistry they may or may not have. No matter that it was always him in her fantasies.

Rey groaned inwardly as she walked through the parking lot towards him. His eyes were still on the movie. She could still turn around. She smelled. She’d have to somehow get from wherever he lived back to her car. And there’d be a walk of shame. Rose would wonder where she was when she’d got back to their apartment and Rey wasn’t there already. If she thought Ben would never let it go, Rose would never ever let it go.

Rey sighed and Ben finally looked away from the movie to see her standing at his car. His lips parted as confusion swept quickly over his features. He hadn’t expected her to actually show up.

To be fair, Rey hadn’t expected it either.

She kept her scowl on her face and walked to his passenger side door. He scrambled to unlock the car and it took everything in her to not smile at the little heart attack she had given him. So she wasn’t the only one affected. Good to know.

Rey climbed into the passenger seat and Ben into the driver's. He looked over at her like he couldn’t believe she was really there. Rey stared ahead. “Not a word.”

That seemed to snap him back to the arsehole she knew. “Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart.”

This was the part she hated. The awkward part of going to the apartment. The weird limbo phase where no one knew what to say but knew exactly what was going to happen. Granted, she hadn’t hooked up with anyone in a while. The last time had been a disaster, just like her last relationship had been a disaster.

Luckily his condo wasn’t far from the park, but it was in a nice area. New developments and little boutiques and coffee shops. It was a far cry from her and Rose’s slightly shitty, slightly sketchy apartment complex near downtown.

Not just an asshole but a wealthy asshole at that. How the hell did he afford this place working at a food truck? She and Rose did well, but they still barely made enough to get through the slow winter months.

Ben hadn’t said a word since they started driving, but he kept glancing over at her like she wouldn’t notice. Part of her wondered if this was a horrible idea. The other part was looking at his grip on the steering wheel.

They turned into underground parking and Ben parked in the assigned parking spot closest to the elevator because of course, he had that. The car engine turned off and neither of them moved.

Ben looked over at her and she at him and the first thing out of her mouth was, “Can I use your shower?”

Ben gave her a strange look.

“I just- I’ve been sweating all day and I smell like a donkey’s arse. Don’t look at me like that. It’s not like you’re any better, but at least I don’t smell like a big mac.”

“At least I don’t smell like pickled cabbage.” Ben grinned. “You can use my shower if you tell me I was right.”

Oh, fuck off.

Rey stared him down trying to find the guts to admit it, but not wanting to give the arsehole the satisfaction. She bit her lip as she tried to figure a way out of it, watching as Ben’s eyes dipped to her lips as she did. She scoffed. “You’re one to make ultimatums. I think you like that I piss you off.”

A grin curled at his lips and Rey felt his satisfaction in her core. His eyes traveled slowly down her body then back up again. “I like the challenge. Now say it.”

Fuck.

Rey’s breath caught and the smirk he gave her at that only pissed her off more. She turned away from him, crossed her arms over her chest like a petulant, angry child, and grumbled, “I’m here, aren’t I?”

Ben turned away and pulled the keys from the ignition. “You can shower, sweetheart.”

“Wow. Thanks.”

“And after you shower I’m going to eat you out until you’re begging for me to fuck you.”

He said it so casually that Rey almost couldn’t process it. He unfolded himself from the driver’s seat. Rey stayed frozen in hers until the door slammed shut and jolted her out of her shock. She stepped out of the car, surprised that her legs were still stable enough to follow him to the elevator.

She was really doing this.

Fuck.

She really was.

Ben pressed the button for the top floor with a shit-eating grin on his face. He was enjoying this. The fucker. He raised a brow as he looked down at her and saw her glaring.“Is there a problem, princess?”

“No.” She said it a little too quickly, her face reddening.

The elevator doors slid open and Ben led her down the hall to an end unit. The door opened with a small fob on his keychain and Rey tried not to roll her eyes at how incredibly extra it was.

The door swung open and Ben turned on the lights as he stepped in. Rey followed, her mouth dropping as she took in the apartment. It looked like something out of a magazine. Two walls of windows looked out over the shopping and recreation area. There was a massive TV and a leather sectional couch in the giant living area. But the real jewel was the giant kitchen and a stove with one of those water taps over the stove for filling pots. Excessive and unnecessary and miles away from the tiny galley kitchen that she and Rose shared. Everything was dark and natural-toned in blues and blacks and dark browns and charcoal grey.

There was a small whine from the corner and Rey looked over to see a rather large blanket-covered kennel.

“Oh, that’s Kylo. He’s not great with strangers.” Ben had that little lost look on his face again. “I’m just going to take him out to the park for a bit. Ah… the shower is down the hall to the left.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks.”

Ben ran a hand over his braids as they stood awkwardly together. “Rey-”

“I should go shower. I’ll go do that now.” She took a step towards the hall. Something in his voice terrified her. The way he said her name… It wasn’t like when he called her ‘sweetheart’ or ‘princess’. It was all too real.

“Wait.” Ben reached for her and caught her hand, stalling her. Rey stared down at the place where their hands connected. She’d never touched him before. He waited until she was looking back up at him to continue. “We don’t have to do anything. I can take you back to your car or call you a cab or call Rose. If that’s what you want, at any time, just say the word and it will be done.”

He said it so earnestly that words were knocked out of her. In all of her flings and relationships, no one had ever said that to her. Rey nodded and Ben let go of her hand.

“I’ll be back in a couple of minutes. Remember what I said.”

The dark, dangerous look in his eye had returned. It took everything in her body not to flee to the bathroom. She shut and locked the door behind her, breathing hard as she took in the bathroom that was, no surprise, just as bougie as the rest of the condo. Marble tile flowed into a walk-in shower. There was a giant tub big enough for two people overlooking a window. The only signs of life she had seen so far in his place were the grooming products on the double vanity and the bottles of product in the shower. Rey stripped quickly and turned on the shower, waiting only a few seconds for the water to reach scalding temperatures and jumping in. Gods, the water pressure was amazing, too.

She soaked under the rain head for a while, letting the water take away the stress of the day and attempt to relax the knots in her shoulders. Surprisingly, the shower was full of products. There wasn’t a 4-in-1 bottle to be seen anywhere. She had never even heard of or seen most of the brands, so it took a while for her to find body wash and shampoo and conditioner. All three smelled like heaven. Like she was soaking in him.

And after you shower I’m going to eat you out until you’re begging for me to fuck you.

Rey gasped and dropped the conditioner bottle with a curse. She picked it up and put it back. Curiously she reached between her thighs and gaped at the slippery wetness she found there. She cleaned the area thoroughly with water and a little bit of unscented soap she had discovered. Each touch sent a jolt through her system as she pictured him between her thighs. The touch of his hands against her skin. Sheer torture.

And he was waiting for her right outside.

Rey shut off the water and stepped out of the shower. She found a cabinet full of huge, fluffy, white towels and wrapped one around herself, and used another to towel dry her hair. Her sad pile of clothes sat on the counter, but the last thing she wanted to do was put her grease-stained t-shirt and sweaty jean shorts back on. Could she just walk out there with the towel on? It might help speed things up. Cut to the chase, as Rose liked to say.

Fuck, Rose.

Rey found her phone in her pile of clothes and sent off a quick text with a little white lie about Kaydel and drinks and not to wait up. She was definitely going to hell for this one.

Nerves curled in her stomach to make a nest there and Rey took a deep breath. If he wasn’t back, she could sneak into his room and grab one of his t-shirts or something. And if he was back, the towel would do. It wasn’t like she was going to hide anything from him tonight.

Rey left her clothes in the bathroom and stepped out into the hall. Her heart raced as a rustle in the kitchen told Rey that Ben was back already. His back was turned to her as she appeared. He had a glass of whiskey in one hand and was looking through a liquor cabinet with the other. “Do you want a drink?”

She didn’t want a drink, she decided. She wanted him to make due on his promise. She wanted to be fucked six ways to Sunday. Rey let her towel fall to the floor.

Ben turned at the sound to see her. “Fuck.”

“That’s the idea.” She quipped. “I seem to remember you making a promise earlier.”

He downed the glass in one sip and set the glass on the counter. A cheeky smirk tugged at the corner of his full lips. His eyes unabashedly roamed over her skin and Rey fought against the urge to cover herself from his unadulterated gaze. “I did, didn’t I. Come here.”

She rolled her eyes at his command but stepped forward gingerly. The apartment’s AC chilled her skin as she moved and forced her nipples into hard points. “Are you always this demanding?”

Ben chuckled and the deep sound went straight to her cunt. All the wetness she had wiped away in the shower was back in full force. “You don’t know the half of it, sweetheart.”

He leaned back against the kitchen counter, watching as she slowly stepped closer. His intense gaze was taking every inch of her in. She looked away when it became too much for her, snapping, “Are we going to do this, or are you just going to stand there like an arse and-”

Ben’s lips crashed into hers, taking Rey by surprise. She was in his hands in seconds as he pushed her back against the kitchen island. His lips were warm and soft and salty and demanding against her own. When her brain finally kicked into gear, she kissed him back, letting him in when his tongue demanded entrance. His hands pulled her flush against him and wound through her hair to tip her head back.

He pulled away, leaving her gasping. “You drive me so fucking insane.”

Lips and teeth attacked her neck, leaving her breathless and unable to answer with anything except the little moans that escaped her lips. His fingers brushed against her nipple and she whimpered beneath him. She let her hands roam over his back and sides, feeling the strength beneath her fingertips. He was still completely dressed and she was completely naked and it wasn’t fair. Rey tugged at his shirt and he broke away from her with a smile.

“For someone who thinks I’m an asshole, you’re sure eager.”

Rey scowled. “Will you just shut up and fuck me.”

“Ask nicely and I might.”

Rey pressed her lips together, but Ben only grinned. “That’s okay. I’ll get it out of you eventually. I’m a patient man.”

He had her trapped between the counter and himself. Every time she took in a breath, her chest rose to touch him. She pressed her thighs together, trying to gain some sort of relief from the growing pressure between her legs. Ben leaned in, his lips brushing against her ear and sending a shiver down her spine. “Have you ever sat on someone’s face?”

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

She was so fucked. Rey shook her head.

“Use your words, sweetheart.”

“No.”

“Would you like to?”

She was trembling beneath his touch. Her whole body was on fire and drawn like a magnet into him. “Yes.”

“Yes…?”

“Yes, please.”

Ben nibbled at her ear, sending shockwaves of pleasure through her. “Good girl.”

Rey whimpered as his words went straight to her core.

He stepped away from her and Rey felt the loss of his body immediately. He took her hand and led her out of the kitchen and down the hall to the door on the right. She didn’t get to see much of his bedroom before he was pulling her back to him, his mouth devouring her hungrily as he took complete control of the situation and she handed it to him willingly.

This man. This man could do whatever he wanted to her. Gods, it had been so long since someone touched her. She couldn’t remember anyone ever touching her like this.

Two massive hands scooped under her thighs and suddenly she was in the air. Rey clung onto him, exploring his mouth with her tongue as he crossed the room and carried her into bed. He tossed her gently down and his mouth moved over her neck to her breasts to her stomach to-

Rey gasped as he knelt at the edge of the bed and pulled her swiftly towards him. His hot tongue traced lines against her thighs. Ben’s eyes locked with hers as he leaned forward and licked a soft line over her clit. Rey gasped loudly and let her head fall back as Ben buried his face between her legs. He was a quick learner and Rey wasn’t bashful about her wanton moans. A thick finger prodded at her entrance and Rey arched to accept it. A jolt raced through her body as Ben’s finger slowly moved inside her, hooking to gently caress over her G spot. His pace was bordering on torturous, but she was so close.

Rey came with a cry and Ben followed her through it. He pulled off of her with an embarrassingly wet pop. “Gods, you’re so fucking wet for me. You’re so fucking perfect, sweetheart. Such a good girl, coming for me.”

Rey whimpered as Ben buried his face into her again, licking and sucking at her clit until she was coming again. He came up to meet her this time, his mouth still wet with her and a soft smile on his face. He kissed her and she tasted herself on her lips and an aftershock exploded across her skin. He pressed his hips between her legs. She could feel him through his jeans, realizing with a moan that he was massive. His hips twitched, pressing his length harder against her. “Do you have something to say, sweetheart?”

Rey whimpered as he slowly ground against her with just enough friction to drive her insane. “Just fuck me.”

Ben chuckled. “I’m afraid that’s not quite what I’m looking for. Let’s try again. On your knees, grab the headboard.”

Rey raised her brow at his command.

“Now, Rey.” With a huff, she flipped over and crawled up the massive king-sized bed to grip the headboard. “Keep your eyes forward.”

Rey stared at the wall in front of her, trying to ignore how much her thighs were shaking from coming twice. She’d never done that before with someone. Her breath caught as she heard a zipper and the sound of clothes coming off. Part of her wanted to turn around to catch a glimpse, but there was another part of her, one she hadn’t really known that she had, that wanted to obey. That wanted him to call her a good girl again.

Rey took a deep steadying breath as the bed sank behind her with Ben’s weight. He moved closer and it took everything in her not to look back in curiosity. Her questions were answered when she felt him slowly shimmy between her thighs. Wordlessly, he gripped her thighs with massive hands and brought her down onto his face. Rey moaned at the new angle and control, She was scared for a moment until Ben pulled her down further to bury himself in her. A hand fell to his hair and her fingers tangled in his braids, pulling them loose as she rode him.

She came with a loud moan, her thighs quivering and struggling to stay up. But when she tried to pull away, Ben’s hands locked around her thighs. He didn’t let go until she was cumming again. He let go and Rey collapsed into the bed. Her thighs were unable to support her any longer. She was half in it, half in a daze as her cunt clenched around nothing. She wanted nothing more than to feel him in her. To take what he wanted from her. “Please.”

Ben appeared at the edges of her vision, blurry and ethereal. His hands gently moved her until he was hovering over top of her. A grin on his face. His bare chest was right there and Rey reached out to drag her fingers over it. He shuddered under her touch before catching her hands and bringing them to his lips. She watched in fascination as he sucked two of her fingers into his mouth. His beautiful, perfect, amazing, fuckable mouth. He released them with a pop. “Please, what, princess?”

Rey whined and arched beneath him, not wanting to say the words aloud. Frustrated that he had not had her yet.

“Use your words. What do you want?”

Gods, he was such an asshole. Rey groaned. His hand snuck between her thighs and swirled around her clit, causing another oversensitive shockwave to pass through her. “What do you want, Princess?”

He took one of her breasts in his mouth and sucked gently, rolling the nipple with her tongue. It was a slow, torturous movement. He wouldn't give in, not until she gave him what he wanted.

“Please… please, fuck me, Ben.” Rey arched beneath him, trying to pull him into her and find some relief. Ben cursed softly.

“You’re so perfect. So wet.” Ben sat back on his haunches and Rey got her first full view of him in the soft golden light of the room. His hair was utterly debauched by her fingertips. Black and wavy and messy and falling gently over his eyes. He ran his hands through it as he looked down at her with hungry eyes. Rey drank in his broad chest and the light flex of his abs down to- fuck. Rey’s eyes widened. Ben caught her surprise and grinned like the cocky asshole he was. “Don’t worry sweetheart, you’ll make it fit, I know you will.”

She hated him. She really did. Of course, she would. Of course, she would do anything to hear his gravelly praise that had her soaking his sheets.

Ben chuckled darkly as Rey rolled her eyes. He leaned over to pull a condom from his bedside table. In seconds he had it over his length and he was on her again nibbling and sucking over her collar bone, two fingers gently spreading her apart. She was so wet and warm and ready for him that she barely felt one finger, then two, stretching her. Rey whimpered under his slow and methodical touch. “Please. Please, d-”

Ben pulled away and Rey cursed her stupid brain. A slow grin spread across his lips. “What was that, sweetheart?”

Rey looked away, embarrassment creeping in. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” An eyebrow raise, a crook of his fingers, a thumb grazing over her sensitive clit. Rey gasped as a wave of pain and pleasure rolled through her.

“Stop playing with me, please. Please fuck me. Please.” She was reduced to this, completely under his control but still fighting against it. She clawed at his skin, trying to pull him into her.

“Say it, princess.”

The finger on her clit sped up, making it nearly impossible to speak as her body tensed and chased a deep, rolling orgasm. It hit her like a freight train and her body tried to pull away from his fingers. He held on to her, finger fucking her through it.

“Please! Please, daddy.” Was she crying? She might be crying.

“Fuck.” Ben gasped and paused, taking a deep breath. His fingers slid from her and Rey gave a choking gasp. Her body had turned to jelly under his hands and tongue. His hands brushed away her hair from her face and Rey whimpered. “If you want me to stop, say red, okay sweetheart?”

Rey shook her head ‘no’. “M-mmm. Don’t stop.”

He was a hazy golden figure over her. His smile was enough to send shivers through her. “I’m going to fuck you now, princess. You’re going to take me so well. So warm and wet and ready for me.”

His head pressed against her entrance and slowly pushed in. His groan matched her own as Rey sank her nails into his back. Utter bliss washed over her as he lowered himself over her, slowly pressing in and stretching.

“So good. Such a good girl. Taking me so well.”

He was ruining her for anyone else. She would never be able to let go after this.

Ben bottomed out in her with a grunt. She squirmed beneath him, so full. So complete. If he didn’t start moving soon she was going to scream. She couldn’t hear herself anymore, only a steady roar in her ears and his words and moans echoing over her. Her lips moved and babbled and cursed until they found purchase against the soft skin of his neck.

He pulled out of her and sank back in and Rey cried out, already halfway to another orgasm. His slow pace steadily increased. His breath whispered sweet affirmations in her ear as she trembled and came beneath him. He pulled her close to him, his face buried in her neck as his hips snapped into her building to a brutal pace. She came again as his hips stuttered and he came with her.

He trailed gentle kisses over her skin as he pulled out of her. He left her, stepping out of the bed and tossing the used condom in the trash. Rey whimpered at the sudden loss of contact. Ben brushed the hair from her face. “I'll be back in a second, sweetheart.”

He left the room and an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and sadness crashed over her. By the time he came back she was curled up in his sheets, crying.

“Fuck, sweetheart.” Ben set something down on the nightstand and took her in his warm hands. “Is something wrong?”

Rey shook her head.

“Just a lot?”

She nodded frantically.

It was exactly what she needed. A huge release that she was coming down from. Ben wiped the tears gently from her eyes and pressed a kiss to her temple. “It’s okay to cry, sweetheart. Here, let me help you up. Drink some water.”

She let him help her sit up and took the water from him. The cool liquid brought here back closer to reality. Ben’s fingers drew soft circles against her thighs. He reached for a cloth and pressed it against her thighs gently cleaning her with the warm damp cloth. She watched him over the rim of her glass as he took care of her. Her own feelings were a jumbled compliant mess as she tried to merge the asshole she knew and the man before her into one. Sleep was slowly about to take over her. She’d never stayed the night before. She had never wanted to.

She almost felt high from his touch.

Ben set the cloth to the side and came back with a handful of hard pretzels. Rey giggled as he pressed one to her lips before opening her mouth and taking it from him.

“What are you doing?” She whispered.

Ben grinned softly. “Taking care of you.”

“No one's ever done this before.”

Ben pressed another pretzel to her lips and she took it dutifully. “They should.”

Something foreign and terrifying flipped in her chest. Rey swallowed it down and looked away from him. “I should use the restroom.”

Ben nodded and let her get out of bed. She made her way to the bathroom on shaky legs, peed, and looked at her clothes on the counter. Should she stay? She was falling asleep as she peed.

She should go.

Rey grabbed her clothes and waddled back to the bedroom.

Fuck him. She was going to be sore tomorrow.

Ben stood from the bed when she came back. He’d thrown on boxers and was checking through his phone. He looked up with that cheeky grin on his face. “My turn.”

He kissed her as he passed her. A moment later, she heard the shower water start. Rey set her clothes on the bed and popped a pretzel in her mouth. She found one of Ben’s black t-shirts in the closet and pulled it on. She felt like she was floating still. Maybe that’s why she laid down in the bed and curled up in his sheets. She would just close her eyes for a minute. Just a minute.

Just one minute.

Chapters 1-10 Up Now on AO3!

#reylo #reylo au #reylo fanfiction #reylo fanfic #rey x ben #rey x ben solo #reylo ao3 #ao3

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spicykoreantatertots · 5 years

Text

Peach (Lobotomy) - Part One

Pairing: Hoseok x Female Reader

Word Count: 4.6k

Rating: G

Genres: SFW, Soulmate AU, College AU, F2L, Angst, Fluff

Summary: In a world where there is no limit to the number of possible soulmate connections, you've become obsessed with figuring out what yours will be. While walking to class one day, you find a ring on the ground. A ring that will finally lead you to your soulmate.

Warnings: this is only part one! this is slightly angsty, but there is fluff.

A/N: Proud to be part of the Luv Library Collab! This is the first part of my first soulmate fic. Part two will be coming before the end of the month. I may also do a NSFW one shot later this year. I’m excited to continue working on my soulmate series (one for each member). They are all based on songs by Waterparks, check out Peach (Lobotomy). Big shout out to @megahwn and @joonkookiemonster for beta reading, @namluve for this beautiful banner, and to @ho-baebae and @lovely-literati for always being supportive. Love y’all! 💜

~~~~~~~

You've seen it happen a million times before. When someone meets their soulmate for the first time, it’s like watching magic happen. It's just a moment, a spark, and then that person's entire life changes.

There are countless types of soulmate connections out there. From color blindness and red threads to timers and birthmarks. Some people can write to their soulmate and the words will appear on their skin, no matter how far away they are. Some people can hear the thoughts of their soulmate or taste what they're tasting. It's exciting, waiting to meet that person who is everything you need. The person made just for you.

But it's terrifying for those who don't have an obvious connection to their soulmate. It's terrifying for people like you. You weren't born with a special mark, you weren't born with colorblindness or someone else's thoughts in your head. There's no obvious way for you to connect with and find your soulmate, and it often keeps you up at night worrying.

Being the optimistic person and hopeless romantic that you are, you've done your best to stay positive. You know that there is someone out there, there's someone for everyone. So you've spent the first 21 years of your life keeping your eyes wide open. Waiting for the sign, the connection.

When you were in high school, you were sure that your connection must be eye contact. You walked around constantly looking people in the eyes, probably looking like a psychopath

The summer before college, you spent the summer abroad in Spain. Part of you hoped you would meet some rugged Spaniard, but the other part of you knew that your Spanish was mediocre at best.

Freshman year of college you had a persistent craving for pickles and you were sure that had something to do with finding your soulmate. But then you met Hoseok and he helped you figure out that you were just dehydrated and you needed electrolytes.

You actually met Hoseok in line at the dining hall. Your request for an entire bowl of pickles on the side disgusted him. He followed you to a table, confronting you about your strange eating habits.

“An entire bowl of pickles? That’s disgusting.” Hoseok joked.

“Well I’ve been craving them non-stop. Hopefully this is my soulmate connection.” You replied as you sat at the last open table, trying to avoid touching the various sticky spots on the table.

“You hope? As you don’t know what your soulmate connection is?” Hoseok questioned, mouth full of french fries.

“No, not for sure. I don’t have a mark or anything.” And as if he could sense your dejectedness, he cheerily followed up by telling you that he doesn’t have an obvious connection either. Of course your mind immediately goes to the possibility that he is, in fact, your soulmate.

It doesn’t help that he is gorgeous. Dark hair, chiseled jaw, bright smile hidden behind soft lips. Lips that you really really want to kiss.

Unfortunately Hoseok isn’t your soulmate. The two of you spent almost everyday together for the semester and no connection ever presented itself. Eventually the urge to kiss him dissipated (for the most part) and you gained a really great friend. Every time you feel miserably alone, he’s there to comfort you. He's been there for every missed connection, every failed attempt to find your soulmate.

There are still days that you wake up with The Feeling. The feeling that tells you it’s finally the day you’ll find your soulmate. And today just so happens to be one of those days. When you woke up, you didn't feel tired. You were able to get up and out of bed and ready for class in time to stop to get coffee for you and Hoseok.

The Feeling leaves you on edge. You keep your phone in your pocket instead of scrolling through your daily rotation of socials. Making sure to keep a small smile on your lips, you try to make eye contact with as many people as you can.

Surely people think you are a crazy person, but you won't miss an opportunity to meet your soulmate for the first time. Unfortunately, none of the customers in the coffee shop or the Baristas are your soulmates. But that's okay! There is still plenty of time left in the day.

"Today's the day Hobi! I can feel it." Hoseok is leaning up against his car in the parking lot waiting for you as usual. The two of you have the same math class every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning.

"Yeah I'm pretty sure you said that about last Wednesday too." Hoseok playfully nudges you as he accepts the coffee you've brought for him.

"Okay yes, but I feel REALLY good about today. Maybe I've just been missing him by a few minutes."

"I wish you weren't so obsessed with this, Y/N." Hoseok pauses, adjusting the strap of his backpack. "You always end up disappointed and I hate seeing you upset."

"Wow thanks for believing in me." You turn away from him and continue down the sidewalk path, rapidly approaching the Mathematics Building.

"It's not that I don't believe in YOU, I just hate watching you obsess over this, can't you just enjoy life and let your soulmate come to you?"

"LET MY SOULMATE COME TO ME? Hoseok didn't you hear about the girl who WAITED for her soulmate to find her and ended up finding him in a COMA? I CAN'T RISK IT!"

"Y/N you can't assume the worst just becau..." And you don't hear the end of whatever Hoseok was going to say. Because in that moment you see something shiny on the ground a few feet in front of you.

You jog ahead of Hoseok, and you see a gold ring abandoned on the sidewalk. You bend to pick it up. Hoseok has now caught up with you. He's trying to get your attention, but all you can focus on in this moment is the ring. You have the same giddy feeling you always do. Butterflies flitting around in your stomach. It’s your soulmate's ring, you're sure of it.

"What is it Y/N?" Hoseok leans over your shoulder to see the ring you're turning over in your fingers. It's a fairly simple gold ring. There is a simple design carved around it and an inscription inside it. Two initials. You can feel your heart swell, your pulse begins to race.

"It's my soulmate's ring Hobi. I knew today was going to be a good day." You can read the skepticism in his frown and knitted brow. He doesn’t refute you though, maybe he can sense the certainty you’re feeling.

“We’re gonna be late for class.” He huffs, continuing down the path at a pace you struggle to keep up with.

~~~~~~~

The lecture on Inverse Trigonometric Functions does not hold your attention very long. All you can really do is turn the ring over in your fingers imagining the man that it belongs to. He’s probably got dark hair, tan skin, glasses. He probably looks so sexy in glasses.

“So I guess you’ll be borrowing my notes later then?” Hoseok whispers and motions toward your blank notebook. “Of course, you’ve got something more important to do than take notes, don’t you?”

“Yeah I’ve got to track down my soulmate.” As soon as you finish the thought, reality begins to sink in. “Hobi?” You whisper back at him, shoulders slumping. “How am I going to find him?”

Hoseok sighs, settles himself back into the seat, and continues taking notes. Absentmindedly, you pick up your pen and begin doodling the initials “JW”. Your pen traces over the letters, darkening them with each stroke.

“We’ll find him.” Hoseok places his hand over yours, stopping the obsessive movements of your pen. When he pulls his hand back you look up at him. He’s looking forward, jaw clenched. And you know that just like every other time, with every other potential soulmate, he’s determined to help you.

~~~~~~~

Hoseok asked you to sleep on it, give yourself some time to process before beginning the process of finding the owner of the ring.

It was a nice idea, sleeping on it. But in practice it proved to be very difficult. After tossing and turning for half an hour you began mentally designing a Found: Gold Ring flyer in your head and planned where to put them up around campus.

Now your mind has wandered elsewhere. You find yourself browsing social media, looking at the University’s page. Scrolling through the followers and stopping at every J and W you find.

You: I'm never going to find him. [4:12am]

You: Do you know how many JWs there are in this city? [4:12am]

You: And what if he's not even on social media? [4:16am]

Hoseok: Everyone is on social media. [4:18am]

You: Oh no did I wake you? [4:18am]

Hoseok: Yes. Please tell me you have not been awake all night. [4:18am]

You: I have not been awake all night. [4:19am]

You: 😬 [4:19am]

Hoseok: I have an idea. [4:20am]

You: 👀 [4:20am]

Hoseok: I have a friend who works as a student assistant in the registrar's office, maybe he can help us. Let's meet at 8 instead of 8:45 [4:23am]

You: okay 🥺 [4:24am]

~~~~~~~

"What do you mean "no," Namjoon?" Hoseok is standing at the front of Namjoon's desk.

"Hoseok I am not breaking FERPA for any reason." The blonde boy leans back in his chair, crossing his arms. Government policy prevents him from sharing student’s personal information, but this is bigger than the government. It’s fate, the Universe, call it what you want, but it’s more important than FERPA.

"Namjoon, I need to find my soulmate, I have to track him down!" You're about to start crying, peering around Hoseok. You had only seen Namjoon once before at a party, he was drunkenly debating the finer details of Platonism with a girl who was clearly only interested in taking him upstairs.

“If I were to give you a list of all the names and phone numbers of students that go to this University, I could be fined thousands of dollars!” He uncrosses his arms and hits his hand on the desk to emphasize his point.

That’s when you notice the timer on his wrist. Counting down to the moment he meets his soulmate.

“Namjoon, look at the timer on your wrist. You know exactly when you are going to meet your soulmate. But I have nothing.” He looks down at his wrist, the timer silently ticks closer to zero. “I have no timer, no mark, no connection except maybe this stupid ring.”

You tug at the ring you placed on a chain around your neck for safe keeping. It shines under the fluorescent lighting. Namjoon looks at the ring then back at your face. You’re sure it’s blotchy and red, but you hope that he understands how important this is.

“Can you help us Joon?” Hoseok asks, pulling a small flash drive from his coat pocket. The only response is a deep sigh, but Namjoon grabs the flash drive and quickly downloads the data.

“If anyone finds out about this, I’m going to say you hacked into my computer.” Namjoon says, stopping short of handing the drive back to Hoseok.

“I owe you one.” Hoseok winks before he grabs the drive out of Namjoon’s hand.

Hoseok heads out into the hallway and you follow closely behind him, turning back to mouth a ‘thank you’ at Namjoon who responds with a curt nod.

~~~~~~~

After a trip to the library and $25 worth of printing, the two of you are holed up in your apartment. Take-out, two bottles of wine, and 250 pages of student names and phone numbers are set out on the coffee table, an R&B album playing on the stereo. Hoseok watches as you flip through the large stack of pages on the coffee table.

“Wait why did you print every name?” Hoseok wonders while he picks at the remains of the food in his container.

“You said it would be easier to have a hard copy.” You huff, dropping the pages on the floor in front of you. Hoseok can feel the frustration radiating off of you.

“Yes, but maybe we should have sorted out the Js and Ws before printing...” He sets down his food and motions for you to hand him the pile.

Hoseok begins thumbing through the pages, wondering to himself how long it will take to narrow down the pool of potential soulmates. He locates the Ws and sets the rest of the pages aside.

“Here, let’s just start here and see what we can find.” He says, splitting the smaller stack in two and handing you half. Hoseok begins reading through each name on the page, pausing only to highlight a name or take a drink from his wine glass.

After about half an hour, Hoseok has highlighted two dozen names on his portion of the list. You're huddled over the pages, flicking the corners of it absent-midnedly. He can tell that you’ve lost steam, possibly from the two very full glasses of wine you’ve had tonight.

“Are you almost finished?” Hoseok sets his pages down on the floor next to him and leans his head back against the couch behind him.

“Oh yeah I finished, I just wanted to go back through to be sure.” You lean back from your hunched over position and lay flat against the floor.

“I’ve got about two dozen names, how many did you get?” Hoseok yawns and rubs his eyes.

“I found thirty.” You manage through a yawn of your own. It’s barely 9:00pm, but the mundane task of finding matching initials mixed with bellies full of take out and wine makes for a couple of very sleepy friends.

There’s got to be something he can do to reenergize the two of you. He knows you’re excited to find your soulmate. But after being by your side through so many failed attempts in the past few years, he can tell you’re starting to feel discouraged.

“Get up.” Hoseok says, an idea brewing in his mind. You look up at him, eyes narrowed. “Come on.” Hoseok gets up and moves to put himself toe to toe with you. He reaches into his pocket for his phone and scrolls through his playlist.

An upbeat song begins playing through the speakers and Hoseok extends his hands out to you. He can tell you’re fighting a grin and that makes his own smile double in size. You finally give in and grab hold of his hands. Hoseok quickly pulls you up off the ground and twirls you around before letting go.

“I’m not doing this Hobi.” You stand still, covering your face with your hands while the beat of the song fills up your small apartment. Hoseok’s body is moving to the music. He’s always been a dancer, effortlessly contorting his body, hitting each beat perfectly in time.

Hoseok knows you aren’t a good dancer, but he loves seeing you try. Loves watching you be silly. So he reaches for your hand once again and pulls you toward him. He uses his hands to guide you, gently shaking you to loosen up your joints. Your awkward movements make him laugh, but he’s happy to see you smiling again. Swaying along to the music with you, Hoseok feels good. The stress of the day melting away.

He twirls you away from his body as the song is ending, but instead of letting go he tugs on your arm, silently asking you to twirl back into his arms. You’re giggling when you fall back into his arms. His face is only inches away from yours and for the first time in a long time he finds himself wanting to close the distance.

When the two of you first met, he felt a pull to you. At first he had hoped that you were his soulmate. You were beautiful, funny, silly, and just what he had been looking for. There was no magic moment between you though. No signal that your connection to him was meant to be something more than friendship.

Before he can think too much about how your lips still look so soft, you pull away from him. Hoseok pauses to catch his breath, shaking his head to clear out the thoughts.

“Okay I do feel better.” You announce, moving to the kitchen to pop the second bottle of wine. Hoseok sits down on the couch, picking up his laptop. He logs onto Facebook, trying to occupy his mind by searching for the first guy on with the initials J W. “Alright, this is it.”

“What is it exactly?” Hoseok replies, distracted by a video of goats screaming to the tune of Taylor Swift’s latest single.

“We’re about to find my soulmate Hobi!” Your beaming smile is almost enough to quell the unsettled feeling growing in his gut.

“Right, right. Here goes nothing.” Hoseok types the name of the first guy on his list and begins scrolling through his available pictures. He is scrutinizing the stranger, his clothes, the way he poses for the pictures. Soulmate or not, is this guy really good enough for you?

“What should the game plan be?” You say, almost startling Hoseok. “Should we just do a quick round looking for the ring in the pictures?”

“Yes let’s do that, and then we can go back through if we don’t find the ring on anyone.” Hoseok nods moving to the next name on his list, silently hoping that he isn’t the one either.

~~~~~~~

It was very easy for you to get distracted looking at these potential soulmates. Of course, based on their social media profiles it was also pretty easy to rule some people out. Several of the men had their soulmate’s in the profile pictures. Some had visible soulmate marks or timers in their photos. But there were still a large number of men who could be the one. And you took your time sizing each one up.

Jason Williams is clearly athletic, plays for the university soccer team, and recently ran a marathon. It’s good for him, but you hope he won’t mind you sitting on the sidelines of the next marathon rather than participating.

Jaylen Williams has no photos available for viewing, but it only takes three seconds on his profile to realize that his views on feminism leave much to be desired.

Jesse Williams is a nerd, to put it lightly. His profile picture is a loveable picture of him dressed as Spiderman at last year’s comic con. Many of his posts are related to the Marvel Universe and you can tell that he takes it very seriously. According to his profile, he is studying physics.

Joshua Wilson seems nice. He’s playing guitar in his profile picture. His beanie and flannel shirt make you wonder if he considers himself a hipster. His latest post is about the inadequate coffee served at the local cafe and how he should just do it at home. Maybe he makes a good cup of coffee, you could get into that.

James Wilt is handsome. He’s hair smoothed perfectly back, facial hair trimmed neatly. Just as you’re about to scroll down to look at his posts, Hoseok interrupts you.

“Y/N?” He says quietly. “I think I’ve got him.” Your heart jumps into your throat. Setting the laptop down on the coffee table, you scoot over to look at Hoseok’s screen.

Jackson Wang. He’s gorgeous. And he’s clearly wearing the ring.

“Hobi...” You don’t really know what to say, but he seems to understand. He puts his arm around you and slides his laptop from his lap to yours. You begin scrolling through and seeing pictures of him surrounded by friends, they look like fraternity brothers. It’s not quite what you were expecting out of a soulmate, but as you continue looking through his profile you learn that you are actually quite compatible.

He has a similar taste in music, loves his family, he’s on the university fencing team, and he might love cheese even more than you do.

“I... I don’t want to be the one to say it, but all we know for sure is that it’s his ring.” Hoseok says sheepishly. You want to roll your eyes, but he’s right. Just because you had a feeling about it doesn't guarantee that Jackson is your soulmate.

“There’s only one way to find out.” You say handing Hoseok’s laptop back to him.

“Right.” Hoseok nods before tilting his head. “Wait what?”

“I’ll send him a friend request and I’m going to message him. I’ll have to meet him in person.” You say as you begin typing out a message on your computer.

“You are NOT going to meet him in person Y/N. He’s a total stranger!”

“Hoseok he could be my soulmate!” You pleaded. There’s a long silence stretching between you. Hoseok is thinking, scanning your face. He’s spent the day helping you track him down and now suddenly he’s so concerned about you meeting him?

“I’ll go with you.” He mutters followed by a sigh of defeat. He sinks back into the couch as you finish typing out your message to Jackson and attach an image of the ring.

You: Hey, are you missing your ring? I found one that looks like it outside the Mathematics building. [9:13pm]

“And now we wait.” You sigh as you hit the send button. The tension between you and Hoseok is still palpable, but you reach for the remote to turn on the television. Luckily for you, Hoseok’s favorite movie is playing on one of the channels and it doesn’t take long for the tension to relax into a comfortable silence.

~~~~~~~

Hoseok wakes to a ping on your phone. The two of you had fallen asleep on the couch during the movie. The TV screen is now dark, credits slowly rolling through. Your phone is shining brightly from it’s spot on the coffee table.

Against his better judgement, Hoseok reaches for your phone.

Facebook: Jackson Wang has accepted your friend request. [11:46pm]

Facebook Messenger: Yeah wow! I’ve been missing it! [11:48pm]

Hoseok sets your phone back down and looks over at you. You’re fast asleep, head resting on the arm of the couch. It’s getting late.

“Y/N.” He whispers, nudging your foot with his own. You don’t stir, so he decides to get up and carry you to your bed. He carefully pulls back the throw blanket that covers you and hooks his arms under your body. The walk to your bed is short, but he trips over a pair of your shoes, almost dropping you. How are you still asleep?

When he reaches your bed, he sets you down gently and pulls your quilt over your shoulders. He gazes down at you. Once again feeling the pull to your lips. He leans down, brushes a few stray hairs off of your forehead and lightly brushes his lips against the skin of your forehead.

A warm sensation, tingling in his lips, a shiver down his spine. Hoseok pulls away, wide eyes staring down at you. But you don’t wake up. Though he would swear that he saw a smile pulling at your lips as he slowly backed out of the room.

~~~~~~~

As you slept you dreamed about meeting your soulmate. The warm feeling radiated throughout your body, all was right in the world. And when you wake you are happy to see a response from Jackson.

Jackson: Yeah wow! I’ve been missing it! [11:48pm]

You: Okay, wanna grab coffee and I can give it to you then? [9:23am]

Jackson: Haha, sounds great. Maybe tomorrow around 10? [9:56am]

You: That’s perfect, you know The Bean just north of campus? [9:59am]

Jackson: Yes I love that place. [10:01am]

You: Okay great! [10:01am]

You: Kind of a random question... [10:17am]

Jackson: Shoot [10:23am]

You: Do you know what your soulmate connection is? [10:24am]

You: I’m only asking because I don’t know mine. [10:27am]

You: And I thought maybe... [10:27am]

Jackson: Do you think you finding my ring could be... our connection? [10:30am]

You: I had a really good feeling about it when I found it. [10:31am]

Jackson: I don’t know mine, so maybe this is it... [10:34am]

You: I guess we’ll find out tomorrow, right? [10:35am]

Jackson: It’s a date. [10:39am]

~~~~~~~

The Bean is bustling today. Lots of people in and out, dozens of students working on projects and papers, so Hoseok has to sit a few tables away from you. The smell of the freshly ground beans

“I won’t be able to hear you that well.” He shouts across the cafe.

You’re too nervous to respond with something other than a shrug of your shoulders. Fiddling with the hem of your dress, you watch the door carefully waiting for him to walk in. The latte in front of you is still steaming, too hot to drink.

The bell above the door chimes, ringing out over the chatter that fills the coffee shop. And there he is. Jackson Wang. Walking toward you with a self-assured smile.

“Hi.” You mumbled, standing from your seat to greet him. He’s glowing in front of you, he’s all you can see. Jackson opens his arms you fit perfectly in them. You can feel butterflies in your stomach. It’s not as strong as you expected the soulmate bond to be, but it’s there.

“I guess this is yours.” You tug lightly on the ring you’ve been wearing around your neck.

“Well maybe you should wear it for a little longer.” Jackson replies, motioning for you to have a seat. “If we’re soulmates, that is?”

“Did you feel it too?” You ask shyly, tucking your hair back behind your ear. Jackson nods and reaches out to grab your hand across the table. The Feeling is here, just like it was when you picked up the ring, and you never want it to go away.

~~~~~~~

Hoseok watches the two of you chat for over an hour. He sees the exaggerated reactions you give to whatever story Jackson’s telling you. Just by the way your face is lighting up, he can tell you’re already falling hard.

Thinking back to the night before, Hoseok questions what happened. Was it just the wine going to his head? The two of you had been friends for so long now that he assumed it couldn’t be possible that the two of you were soulmates. Surely any hidden connection you had would have been realized by now. Maybe he’s just feeling jealous that you’re finally meeting your soulmate and he’s still alone.

But that kiss was unlike anything he had ever felt before.

Deep in his thoughts, Hoseok doesn’t notice when you and Jackson stand from the table and walk over to his.

“Hobi, this is Jackson.” Hoseok jerks his head upward, met with a confident smile from Jackson. Hoseok quickly stands and extends his hand.

“I’m Hoseok, nice to meet you.” Jackson firmly shakes his hand. The two hold eye contact for just a little too long.

“She’s already told me so much about you. Thanks for helping her track me down.” Jackson chuckles. Hoseok looks over at you and notices that you are holding his other hand.

“Thanks for helping me find my soulmate.” You chirp happily. Hoseok narrows his eyes, looking back and forth between you and Jackson.

“Soulmates? Are you sure?” Hoseok questions you.

“Hoseok!” Your exclamation is accompanied by a slap on the arm. “Of course I’m sure!” You give a quick and embarrassed apology to Jackson.

The way you’re already clinging to Jackson makes Hoseok’s stomach twist. The look in your eye when you stare up at his face makes Hoseok want to shut his eyes. He can tell you’re smitten, but he’s got a bad feeling. Despite your obvious certainty that this is your soulmate, Hoseok can tell that something is just not right.

~~~~~~~

See you soon for Part 2! Comment to be added to the tag list! <3

Check out my Not Warriors Soulmate Series Masterlist!

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