#me rn i don't know why i'm writing this here i told myself i'll be quiet now but i'm past the point of caring

[noxtivagus]

i'm sorry

[visualbutterflysworld]

girl you write sub!vininie so good i love it 🫦

gotta request for you !!!

if you haven’t already, how about one where vin & reader get into an argument because some girl commented on vinnies insta post (reader and vin have been together for a few months, but they’re relationship is private), so no one knows he’s not single.

the girl is so obviously hitting on / flirting w vin but he tells reader it’s not like that and that he swears up and down he only wants her

reader doesn’t fully believe him so she takes matter into her own hands and shows him who he’s with and who he belongs too

it’s to the point where she’s got him moaning and whining n callin her mommy (need this man like that rn thank yewww 😇)

I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE , im not used to requesting stuff but i feel like you would do an amazing job w this idea !!! <33

Streets | Vhackerr

warning: smut, low-key rough?, sub!vinnie, argument?, jealousy, organism denial, unprotected(birth control),

I gotcha !! This was supposed to come out tmr but I felt nice today.

Rage. Rage was what filled you. Vinnie had just posted on instagram and the comments were just him getting hit on and it pissed you off more today than usually.

Maybe it was because Vinnie decided to respond to one. This blue eyed bitch decide it would be cute to flirt with Vinnie in the comments and to him it seemed innocent but to you it wasn't.

This was one of the problems Vinnie and you faced since being in a private relationship. You knew how his fans could get and you liked your privacy. You not being in the limelight at all made things easier for you guys but, it was times like this where you wished he would make it public.

"Y/n? Are you even listening to me?" Vinnie shouted. "No, because you're just coming up with excuses on why she wasn't flirting with you." I said plainly. Vinnie sighed before wrapping his arms around you. "Baby, does it really matter? I only want you, you know that." "Really?" I scowled at him.

"Yes, tell me what you want, love. Do you want me on my knees?" I watched as Vinnie slowly began to fall to his knees. His hands resting on the back of my thighs. "I'll do anything you want to make you believe I'm yours." Vinnie said giving me puppy eyes.

I ran my fingers through his hair. "Touch yourself." I commend. "W-what?" Vinnie asked. "Touch yourself. Right here. Right now." I demanded. I heard the faintest whimper before Vinnie unbutton his pants and pulled out his number. He slowly began to stroke himself. "Like this mommy?" Vinnie stared up at me without stopping. I hummed in approval. I let him do this for a few seconds before telling him to speed up.

His head thrown back in pleasure. "Mommy, I'm about to come." "You are?" "Mmh." "Stop." I told him. Vinnie's eyes shot open as he paused his actions. "You don't get to come." I shrugged. "What? But. I." Vinnie stumbled his words. I kneeled down so we were eye to eye. "Good boys get to come and you haven't been a good boy now have you?" I asked.

Vinnie pouted, tears building up in his eyes almost. "I-I guess not." He swallowed. "That's correct. So you won't come unless I tell you so." I stood up and took a mental picture of this version of Vinnie. "I have work to do so find something to do."

Listen, I know it was mean but he had to learn who he belong to and he needed a good reminder. "Y/nnn." Vinnie whined. It had been a few hours and we were now in bed. "Y/n please. I need to come. I've been a good boy these past few hours. I even delated her comments, mommy." He kissed my neck.

“Is that so.” I move my hand down his waistband, slowly rubbing him. Poor thing had soaked his boxers. He moaned loudly from the contact. “Y-yes.” He began to claw at my beasts. Rubbing and squeezing them.

“I want one.” He whined. “What do you want baby?” “One of your boobs.” I smiled at his neediness. I stop stroking him. He pouted and whined but I quickly undressed him and myself. “Fuck, mommy. You’re so pretty.” He reached for me but I smacked his arms away. “No. No touching until I say.” I slowly crawled onto him and slowly lowered myself. Both of us moaning at the contact. I began to slowly move up and down.

“Fuck, m-mommy.” “Tell me, who does this dick belong to?” I place my hands on his chest holding myself up. “You, mommy! All you! Please, let me touch you.” He cried. I began to move faster. “Say it again! Who fucks you this good? Who gets you this hard?” I asked. “You, Y/n! Mommy! Fuck i-.” He threw his head back. “Please let me touch you.”

I leaned down and kissed his neck. “Touch me baby. Touch mommy wherever you want.” I whispered and a bunch of thank yous came out as he began to touch me all over. “Fuck mommy, I’m gonna come.” I fasten my pace. I moved my hand around his neck. Giving him a good squeeze.

“You’re gonna come?” He nods. “Look at me.” He struggles at first but looks at me. “I’m the only one who makes you come! You understand that?” He wraps his arms around my back fucking back into me. “Yes, mommy. Only you can make me come!” He yelled out.

I kiss him roughly and fasten up. “Gonna be a good boy and come with me?” I ask. He nods furiously. I kiss him roughly. “Then come baby. Come with me.” I whisper in his ear and let out a moan as I feel my climax take over me. He moans out and I feel him shoot a large load inside me. He fucks us through our high before he falls back on the bed, taking me with him.

We lay there awhile trying to catch our breath. Him still inside me. “I think we should let the public know you’re taken.” I lay my head on his shoulder. “Sounds good.” As he tightens his hold on me. “Good.”

🧍🏽‍♀️ ummm hope y’all enjoyed?

[princessmaybank]

Good Girl

Pairings: Boyf!Rafe x Gf!Fem!Reader x JJ

Warnings: Cheating, nudes, spanking, degradation, spanking, 3some, p in v, oral (both), fingering, voyeurism, creampie, etc.

Summary: Reader accidentally sends a nude to the wrong guy.

Authors Note: This is my first time writing something like this! Please be kind! I hope you enjoy!

Moodboard

Fuck. Rafe had me so fucking horny all day. It's not even his fault..I have been thinking about him dicking me down since lunchtime. The ache between my legs was almost too much at this point. My core was begging to be touched, but unfortunately Rafe isn't home. He went on a business trip with Ward, leaving it to me to pleasure myself. He did tell me to message him any time I feel horny and he would try his best to help, so I might just have to do that.

I was home alone because my parents were making some deals over dinner with some new clients.

But before I do anything, I really want to take a shower, I feel disgusting after work every time. I work at a little restaurant called The Wreck with my friend Kie. She got me the job when I told her I didn't want to work for my parents, at least not yet. Since I started working with her, I've met her friends and they seem to like me, well for the most part. JJ is still warming up to me, and he hates Rafe for some reason. All of them do. I understand he can be an asshole sometimes, but I wouldn't go as far as to say I hate him.

After I took my shower I didn't bother putting clothes on. I wanted to send Rafe a little surprise while he was gone.

Y/N: I took this for you baby

Y/N: Photo

I quickly hit send because I was nervous about his reaction but deep down I know he'll love it. I heard a ding from my phone, letting me know I got a message.

???: All for me? Damn Y/L/N...maybe I was wrong about you

My eyes nearly popped out of my head as my heart was beating against my chest. Then I heard another ding come from my phone.

???: Photo

Only a second later and another message came through.

???: That one's all for you.

I sent my fucking nude pic to JJ?? And he sent me one back? How the hell did that happen??? I started freaking out, knowing that Rafe would fucking kill him..and me, but mainly him.

JJ: What made ya come to your senses?

I had no idea how to respond to him. This has never happened before. Maybe I should just be honest.

Y/N: oh hey..can you just delete that and pretend you never saw it...? that wasn't meant for you JJ...

JJ: if it was sent to me, I was meant to see it, the universe just works that way ;)

He saw that I opened the text and that I wasn't responding. Those three dots popped up as he was typing.

JJ: okay, hey I'm sorry. where u at rn? I'll come meet ya n we can talk bout this

My heart nearly bursts out of my chest when I read that message. I'm nervous and I don't know what to do. Fuck. I should clear the air with him.

Y/N: my house..

JJ: drop your pin

I hesitate before sending this man my address. This could go horribly wrong, and I don't have Rafe here to protect me. Whatever, I'm already in this deep and it's just JJ what's the worst he could do?

Y/N: 📍

JJ: omw

I stood from my bed and started looking for an outfit to wear. I don't know why I cared what I looked like for JJ..I shouldn't, but I did. I ended up choosing a little white skirt with a cute blue crop top to go with it.

It took maybe 10 minutes before I heard a knock at my door. I still wasn't entirely sure if I should answer it, knowing who was on the other side, and knowing what he just saw...

I decided that I should just open the door and hopefully he'll understand the mistake.

My heart started pounding again as my hand reached for the knob. Suddenly I was greeted by a familiar face...but it wasn't JJ...

"Rafe?? " I question sounding more shocked than happy. "What are you doing here?" My anxiety was through the roof at this point, knowing JJ is probably just around the corner. Rafe let himself into my house by grabbing my face and pulling me into a heated kiss. He used his foot to kick the door closed, then pinned me against the wall next to it.

"Wanted to surprise my princess. The job got done early. I landed 30 mins ago, rushed over to see you." He says all while rubbing me up and down. "Look at this fuckin outfit, almost like you knew I was coming over princess.." He reached hand up my skirt and soon realized I wasn't wearing any panties. "Naughty girl.." Rafe smirked before attacking my neck.

About a minute later there was a knock on the door. He waved it off and said to just ignore them and they'll go away. Another knock pounded from the other side of the door. "Y/N?? Are you home?" You recognized his voice. Rafe pulled away looking slightly confused before looking through the peephole.

"What the fuck is JJ doing here?" He said gritting his teeth. I toyed with my fingers and bit my lip not knowing how to tell him the truth. Next thing I know he swings the door open.

"Hey ba- Rafe?? ...Was this a fuckin set up?" JJ questioned. I shook my head no as both men stared at me.

JJ came inside and closed the door behind him before joining Rafe and I in the living room. I was told to sit on the couch so I obeyed. The guys stood in front of me towering over me with their arms crossed, trying not to kill me or each other.

"What is he doing here?!" They both asked angrily at the same time. "Can you two sit down before I continue?" I ask shyly. The guys responded with a harsh 'No' timed almost as perfectly as before.

"Okay so here's what happened..." I trail off and explained the entire situation before Rafe turns to face JJ, looking like he is about to murder him.

At some point Rafe lunged at JJ and I had to get in the middle. Rafe grabbed my shoulders trying to move me out of the way. JJ had his hands on my hips trying to keep me in between them. It felt like they were going to split me in half.

It took a while but I eventually got them to go talk it out in my room. I can't speak guy, so maybe they would have an easier time hearing it from each other.

After a while I didn't hear them talking anymore, which was concerning, Rafe may have actually killed JJ..

I went to my room and knocked before entering. I was greeted with a naked Rafe picking me up before laying me on my bed. He placed his lips on mine, giving me one of the most intense kisses I've ever had. "Rafe- whe-wheres J-" I tried to question. "Don't worry about it. He's fine. Enjoy this." He kissed down my jaw and to my sweet spot, sucking on it for as long as he could, in order to mark me.

Rafe doesn't usually give me hickies unless he is angry-fucking me. He must have sent JJ home after their talk so we could have this moment. At least he's not mad at me anymore.

"So you wore this slutty outfit for Maybank huh?" He asked and flipped me onto my stomach, hiking my skirt up above my ass. "And no fuckin panties. You really are a fuckin slut." Rafe huffed before giving me a hard slap across my ass, causing me to yelp as a tear prickled in my eye.

"I'm gonna make you choke on my fuckin cock.." He smirks before flipping me back over. He comes over and hovers my face, his knees on either side of my head. Rafe dipped his cock into my mouth slowly before full on fucking my mouth. "Mmm yeah, suck that fucking cock you whore!" He somewhat gently slaps my face, still pushing in and out of my throat.

As I was gagging on Rafe's dick I felt something down between my legs. A cold, wet, tongue met the heat between my legs and I couldn't see it. "Wait till you see her face Maybank, she makes a pretty face when you fuck her." Rafe announced which resulted in a hum from the mouth attached to my clit.

JJ was eating me out...while Rafe was fucking my face...

Fuck.

I moaned onto Rafe's dick as he continued to fuck my throat. In turn, my moans made Rafe moan. "How'd you say she liked it Rafe..." JJ questioned before shoving his cock inside of me. A loud moan escaped the best it could when he filled me up. "...by surprise, right?" He chuckled as Rafe nodded.

JJ's thrusts caused Rafe's thrusts to go faster and harder. But they both stopped suddenly. Pulling out of both of my holes and they stood next to the bed, hovering me. "What was that??" I questioned, now blushing from seeing JJ's dick for the first time.

Of course he noticed and had to be an ass. JJ smirked at me while stroking himself. "Don't pretend you didn't like it princess.." He slows his motions down before he eventually stops. "Not saying I didn't like it- just confused. You two were literally just about to kill each other, and now you're fucking me." I say confused.

"We came to a conclusion baby. You lead JJ on..and you cheated on me. But we are ready to forgive you, if you let us have some fun with you babydoll.." Rafe simply stated, making me feel like shit because that was not my intention. I tried to counter what he said, but he just shushed me.

"Whaddya say princess?" JJ asked with a smirk. "Yea I mean...it's the least I could do.." I smile sheepishly to them. Rafe stepped between my legs and gave me a long kiss. "I love you, but I want you to understand that this is a one time thing so JJ doesn't have to keep pining after you. So whatever you want from him, make sure you get it from him now, you're still mine." Rafe explained. I'm surprised he's acting this way. He never lets anyone touch his things, especially me.

"What's first?" I asked the guys. "Just let us make you feel good baby, you won't have to do any work, unless you wanna." JJ said settling on the bed next to me. "You said anything I want?" I looked up to Rafe with glossy eyes. He nods with his arms crossed.

"JJ can I suck your dick while Rafe fucks me?" I started to blush because never in a million years did I think this would be happening. "I'd love that princess." He smiled at me.

I got off the bed and got to my knees in front of JJ. My hands sat on his thighs as my mouth lowered onto his cock. "Hmmm fuck.." He moaned out, placing his hand on my head. I felt Rafe come over and line himself up with me. "I love this fuckin skirt baby.." He says before slipping into my wet pussy, which caused me to moan on JJ's dick, which caused JJ to let out a moan of his own.

The guys were trying to set a steady pace between the both of them. JJ was bobbing my head up and down in time with Rafe's thrusts, and boy did it feel, so fucking good.

At one point they made me feel so good and I let out a long moan.

"Good Girl "

I heard them both say at the same time. A string of moans were escaping us all as they continued. Rafe was pounding into me as fast as he could. JJ was now standing with a fistful of my hair, fucking my face. I popped my mouth off of JJ and replaced it with my hand. "If you two don't stop going full force- I'm gonna cum right now.." I whine out.

They both groaned as they pulled away. I got back on the bed and sat in between them, one hand each, shooting to their hair, and massaging. They both started feeling me up, placing kisses wherever they could reach. The moment was over as fast as it came. JJ sat with his back against my headboard and pulled me to sit between his legs.

Rafe crawled onto the bed after JJ put his legs between mine to keep them spread open. I couldn't close them even if I wanted to. Rafe laid between my legs and started lightly sprinkling kisses on my lower lips.

JJ attached his lips to my neck, giving me a hickey, opposite to the one Rafe had made earlier.

Rafe moved to my clit with his mouth and inserted a few fingers into my hole. I gasped and JJ put his hands under my shirt in response.

"Why ya still wearin' this baby? Shoulda been gone a long time ago.." He says before taking my crop top off. Leaving me in my bra and my skirt. He groped my tits as Rafe sucked and fingered me. I was a moaning mess. Everything felt too good. "Guys- l-like I said before..." I say but it's too late and I cum all over Rafe's fingers.

Rafe sat up before placing his fingers in his mouth, sucking off every little drop that was left of me. "Good girl.." He smirked at me. "But, you gotta cum for JJ too princess.." Rafe stated.

I was still coming down from my high. "Cum again..?" He only nodded before sitting in the chair in front of my vanity. He turned it so he could see us sitting on the bed.

"Go ahead Maybank..." He smirked. Just as he was given the green light, JJ flipped us over so he was hovering me. "Hey there princess..." He smirked before planting a kiss on my lips. This felt so wrong to do so I looked to Rafe for some guidance.

He just sat there slowly rubbing his dick, watching us. He nodded for me to continue.

Suddenly this felt so right. I was supposed to have fun with JJ, for Rafe. JJ leaned down to my ear to whisper. "You looked so fucking good in that picture you sent me." He started kissing my neck. "I know you sent it on purpose, don't worry I won't tell him." He whispered.

His hands lifted me off the bed to take my bra off. JJ threw the garment to the side, landing in front of Rafe. He kissed me so hungrily and so passionately it almost hurt. "Jayj..." I whimpered into the kiss. He started grinding his hips against me, his dick touching my clit every time. "I know princess.." He whispered. "C'mere, I wanna make you cum in doggy." He says then plants another kiss to my lips.

I got up on my hands and knees before JJ could move me. "Wrong way baby...I wanna see your face when he fucks you..." I heard Rafe say from the chair. I turned around just like he asked. JJ got behind me when I was settled. I heard a spitting sound and a second later I felt his hand lathering my hole. "Mmmm" I moaned while I grinded back onto his fingers.

"Patience baby.." JJ said before slapping my hole which resulted in me letting out another moan. He grabbed his cock and started teasing my slut with his tip. I moved to lay on my forearms with my ass in the air. My eyes wandered over to Rafe, he was still stroking himself slowly while watching us. His lips curled up into a smirk when he saw the face I made when JJ pushed his length into pussy.

I let out a loud moan and looked Rafe in the eyes as JJ slowly rocked his hips. As JJ quickened his pace, Rafe did too. Almost like he wasn't to cum with us, but didn't want...involved..?

The room was filled with the sounds of moans and skin slapping against each other as JJ fucked me senseless. Rafe had rolled his head back but his eyes stayed on us.

I felt JJ reach for my hair and pull it back, making me arch. The slightly new angle was enough to push me over the edge. "You're such a a good fucking girl for me..." JJ says as I moan out. "JJ harder.." I couldn't say anything else. It was odd moaning another mans name but they both loved it, which made me feel dirty.

JJ gladly fucked me harder. I was going between watching Rafe fuck his hand and watching JJ in the mirror. "Fuck you're so tight princess..." He dragged out. "I'm so close Jayj..." I announce with a whine. Rafe caught my attention with a low groan. I looked over and saw his cum shooting up onto his stomach.

He was still yanking himself, riding out his high, when he said "JJ I want you to cum in her fucking pussy". I couldn't help but moan, feeling JJ's thick cock in my pussy, watching Rafe cum, and him saying THAT.

JJ let go of my hair and held my hips, bringing them backwards to meet his. We were both a moaning mess and Rafe was just watching, sitting there in his mess. He looked afraid to blink, like he was going to miss something. I pushed back onto JJ's dick, wanting more, he was making me feel so good and I didn't want it to end.

"Fuck Jayj- i-im gon-gonnaaa cum" I squeal out. "Me too princess. Are you ready?" I nod after he asked. He counted us down before with both released together, screaming each other's names. I fucked myself with his dick, riding out my high.

"Good girl.." He said biting his lip, helping guide my ass. He slipped out when we were done and gave me a long sloppy kiss, trying to savor the moment, knowing it would never happen again.

Rafe walked away at some point to clean himself up, JJ and I just continued to make out to fill the silence and need. When Rafe returned we all sat on the bed talking about what just happened. "How did it feel?" Rafe asked me. "He's really good.." I say panting, getting butterflies from the recent memory. He smiled at me and JJ before speaking.

"Y/N, I loved the way your face looked when JJ was taking you from behind..." He said while rubbing my back. "I suggest we make this a regular thing." I nearly choked when I heard him say that.

Rafe Cameron...never...shares.

"I 1000% agree" JJ said almost too enthusiastically which made me giggle. "That was both the craziest and sexiest shit I've ever been a part of. Of course I'd love to." I say smiling.

He smiled and I could tell he had a mischievous thought. "Next time I wanna try something new." He smirked to me and JJ.

"I will do whatever you two want if it feels that good.." I blush, looking between both of them.

"Good girl " They are so creepy with that shit...but it's so sexyyyy.

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D

I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.

Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.

I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!

I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.

I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer

I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.

So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3

[soleilnomoon]

Hi again! Still absolutely adore your Kid fic from your last event 💜 Never got around to asking for a Sanji one, so here I am again😅 But seriously, congrats on over 550 followers!! Love seeing your blog grow, cause you’re really talented and deserve them all and legit can’t wait til you hit 1k+ 🥰

For the event order, may I please ask for a #1 with my boi Sanji, with anmitsu, konpeito, and keylime pie and with honey, please? 🥹 i hate this but need some sanji angst 😭

I also dunno if these three would work particularly well together for a prompt, so you can choose whatever! just really feeling angst and sanji rn and maybe comfort if you’d like 🥰

Thank you for all your works you’ve done so far 💜💜

hiiii omg haha i loved that fic fr (i'm obsessed w that man!!!) also ily for requesting sanji i don't write him nearly enough 🥰️ but thank you sm!! 😭 making me all soft and i am so so sorry this took forever, as u know i am so slow but!!! i had fun tormenting sanji w the angst ngl 💓💓💓💓 also those were great choices for the prompt, i wanted to write more but it would've been 8k words before i finished and who has time for that (i do, but listen... that's besides the point) ✨

2k words, fem reader (honestly gn too now that i think abt it), sfw (SHOCKING i know), 18+ mdni, a lil bit suggestive but nothing wild, angst angst angst city babey, fluff if you squint, also i gave u comfort bc u deserve it bb 💗(and sanji does too); feat. sanji being in denial forever and ever, mutual pining, fake unrequited love, reader is determined and sanji is a coward; also i made myself sad writing this but a good sad bc sanji deserves happiness and i'll fight oda if he doesn't get it i s2g... (if u see grammar mistakes/spelling errors... no u didn't 💗)

“loving each other began this way: threading / loneliness into loneliness / patiently, our hands trembling and precise.” — yehuda amichai

STEP 01:

what does it take to kill a soul? —

a question that’s posed unironically, without a hint of remorse or tact, the words precise and venomous, slicing through the thick veneer that he’s carefully crafted. he’s never been able to answer that question — not at six years old, not twelve or fifteen, and not at twenty-one. his siblings took pleasure in taunting him with seemingly philosophical questions, ones that clamped down onto his thoughts with heavy shackles.

even after he’s extracted himself from that life, he can’t scrub those memories from his mind — no matter how hard he tries. they sit, still raw and bloody, giving rise to unpleasant emotions that make his stomach churn from so many things left unsaid. he never set out to be a pirate, but piracy has given him the sort of freedom that he could only wish for as a child.

it’s with tender hands, with nimble yet graceful fingers, and with a fastidiousness that puts him in a category of his own, that he creates and creates and creates —

he’s told he’s an artist, which only pushes him to work harder, to be better. and when he asks himself why, he doesn’t have an answer. or, rather, the answer he does have only serves as a punishing reminder that he’ll never be good enough. no matter how many times his crew mates thank him — their emphatic, genuine praise a soft, warm breeze against his heart, gentle caresses that he commits to memory — despair still manages to infiltrate, a darkness choking out what little light he has left inside of him.

STEP 02:

how far are you willing to go to reach the truth? —

when you join the crew, he’s unnerved by your presence, which is wholly unlike him. usually, he’s able to put on his façade of the flirtatious cook, one that’s jovial and sociable, that lives to serve and please those around him. his first conversation with you ends in disaster; he spills the drink he tried to pour for you, despite your insistence that you are perfectly capable of pouring your own drink — and he knows it’s not out of malice, but it cuts into him all the same.

he tries again and again, bringing you little treats that you only agree to eating if he sits and eats with you; confusion eats away at his mind, and when he opens his mouth to decline, you pat the seat next to you and he acquiesces. he sits stiffly, at first, unsure of why he always feels on edge around you — an irritating need to impress you in a way he’s never wanted to for others grows stronger by the day.

you think it’s cute that he always seems flustered around you — that he stumbles over his words, refuses to hold eye contact with you for longer than thirty seconds — you also think it’s cute that the false bravado that he puts on for the world, diminishes immediately the second you come close to him. if he’s skittish, it’s because you always catch him staring at you; despite his quick reflexes, his reactions around you are slow but pure — childish, almost.

lately he’s clumsier and scatterbrained, nearly burning dinner when you decide to keep him company. you lean against the countertop, a teasing smile on your face — the same one that that caused him to bump his forehead against the cabinet door earlier — as you prattle on about a dream you had. he can barely keep up, his eyes drifting from the skillet to your face, gliding around the curve of your cheek, dipping lower in a slow descent along your neck.

he blinks repeatedly when he reaches your clavicle, stunned at his restraint; and it’s only when you call his name loudly that he realizes he’s left the heat on for too long.

“are you okay?” you ask when you see that he’s fussing over how best to save the dish, mouth moving as he quietly mutters to himself. he barely registers your voice, as an insidious one whispers harshly into his ears about his perpetual incompetence and lack of talent.

you can see that he’s retreated even further into his mind, a feat that also leaves you frustrated. you want to shake him but refrain and grab his hand instead. he snaps out of whatever stupor that held him captive just moments ago, lips parting as he sighs softly before glancing down at you.

“thank you.”

the words are quiet, but impactful, as he didn’t think he’d be able to get them out. you let go of his hand too soon, but he doesn’t say anything else, choosing to focus on cooking than embarrassing himself again in front of you.

you take his silence as a silent dismissal, but you don’t fight him on it — it’s bitter, that sort of rejection, and you swallow back your argument with great difficulty.

STEP 03:

what’s the difference between cowardice and self-preservation? —

frustration bubbles underneath his skin when he can’t find where he placed his lighter; he runs a hand through his hair and tugs on impulse, accidentally ripping a few strands from his scalp. they swirl and tumble onto the ground, pathetic in a way — just like me, but he never really says that out loud. he doesn’t hear your footsteps, although you did your best to remain as quiet as possible.

a cigarette sits in between his lips, and he has half a mind to toss it over the railing of the ship, but a warmth suddenly appears in front of him in the form of a flame. you found his lighter on the floor earlier and meant to give it to him, but every time you got closer, he found every excuse to leave. you don’t realize the impact you have on him — not really, anyway — because he’s genuinely surprised that you can’t hear the heavy beats of his heart that grow more intolerable the longer he hangs around you.

always afraid of being found out, he opts to keep his distance. it’s easier this way, he tells himself, better. but he doesn’t quite believe that; the evidence is plain as day when his tongue feels like its grown three sizes in the span of seconds, where his words get lost and forgotten. it’s all your fault, he reasons; you who insists on talking candidly with him, who insists on listening to him ramble about his dreams, who absolutely insists on stubbornly tearing down his walls, steadily chipping away without a care in the world. he looks at you as if you are the source of all his problems, but he also looks at you as if you’re the solution.

the intensity behind his stare makes your hands tremble slightly, it’s a miracle you’ve managed to keep yourself composed for this long. you light the end of his cigarette with ease, as if you’ve done this for him hundreds of times —and place the lighter into his pants pocket afterwards. if he wasn’t so used to you getting in his personal space all the time, he’d retreat immediately. the proximity is almost too much for him, but he doesn’t step back; you take that as a good sign and keep him company for a few minutes.

you don’t care for the smell of smoke, but on him it smells good. you almost tell him that, but instead bite down on your lip and keep your comment at bay, nerves getting the best of you as you nearly choke on the possibility that your feelings won’t be reciprocated.

another time, maybe. cheeks flushed, you turn your face to look elsewhere. although, you wonder if there ever will be another time. with him, you never know.

he’s still trying to figure you out and why he feels a different sort of calm around you; it’s alarming and new, drumming up an irrational fear within him. he doesn’t think he’s deserving of your attention or affection, and he’s convinced himself that you don’t harbor any romantic feelings for him. and why would you?

one by one, his thoughts pummel into him, acerbic and overwhelming. he exhales a sliver of smoke and puts the cigarette out. he gives you a quick, apologetic look before telling you goodnight, the smile on his face is melancholic and barely existent. you don’t dare say a word, keep your lips pressed together stubbornly; exasperated and dejected, you don’t know what’s worse — his inability to lower his guard around you for longer than ten minutes, or your inability to stop yourself from trying to carve pieces of yourself to give to him.

maybe if you helped him fill the gaping holes in his heart, he’d truly understand how you feel.

STEP 04:

if you had to do it all over again, would you do anything differently? —

sleep evades you after that night, and the night after that, and so forth; it gets so bad that you’re yawning in the middle of the day, falling asleep before you can have a cup of coffee or tea. this does not go unnoticed by the others, and after talking with nami, you feel less out of your element and finally can see the parts of sanji that he wants to keep hidden. her advice is simple: approach slowly and with intent; corner him and don’t let him escape.

you bide your time, full confident that you can find a moment to sit down with him and talk this all out. it doesn’t come easy, but franky mysteriously swaps sanji for the night’s watch — something that should strike you as odd, but it’s a small opening that you take without thinking as you hurriedly climb up to the crow’s nest with a renewed sort of energy.

even with his eyes closed, as he sits lazily on the bench with head tilted back against the wall, he knows it’s you.

“go back to bed,” he says firmly, refusing to look at you.

your stubbornness, unfortunately, wins out. “i’m staying.” at that he sits up, his attention completely on you as his eyes widen at your words. he wants to ask you why, but cowardice wins out — again. as his features soften, a flush crawls along his face, lightly painting his cheeks pink. he closes his eyes again, tries to steady his breathing as he counts backwards, only for his efforts to be obliterated with ease the moment you sit next to him.

as your thigh presses against his, you take his hand and on impulse you trace your fingertip along the lines on his palm. he watches you with a morbid fascination that scares him; but then you start to say things like, “you will live a very long life,” and “you are courageous, and you have a big heart.”

a small part of him wants to pull his hand away, so you won’t say anything else — but he remains put, so still that you almost think he’s stopped breathing. your voice is sweet and disarming, even when you carry on this charade of reading his palm. a belated realization hits him forcefully, making him blink several times; it dawns on him that you’ve always been so kind and gentle with him, even when you teased him. he’s spent all this time overthinking and hiding behind his past, that it never occurred to him that he could have simply let you in. you’ve never given him reason to believe that you’d betray or harm him intentionally.

he takes a deep breath, voice a little uneven, “i—”

you lean in close, adoration dripping onto your words as you interrupt him. “hey, have i told you?” the question glides along his skin, the words seeping into him as you continue, the lilt in your voice a honeyed, melodic spell. “you remind me of starlight and the mysteries of space.” your lips brush against his when you tell him that, and a warmth settles into the middle of his chest, makes it hard to focus. he doesn’t think when he curls his fingers around yours and doesn’t think when heleans down to kiss you — tender yet electrifying all the same.

the move disarms you in a way that doesn’t quite make sense to you, so you simply hum in approval and lean your head against his shoulder. a comfortable silence settles around you both, but you don’t mind that at all; it’s nice, not having to tip-toe around him anymore, and the demons that plagued him for so long don’t seem so intimidating with you by his side.

[im-a-marion3tt3]

...at this point i might as well just make a home for myself in your inbox, haha !! (please please please tell me if i'm in here too often !!) i notice that you're still wanting fic requests so i can't stop myself from popping in again :0

i have two suggestions, but goodness, please don't feel pressured to write both. and if neither of them interest you, that's completely fine too !! <3 (as a cw, both requests are related to your sh/ed fics)

the first is a request for (yet another O_O) continuation of the swiss/phantom storyline. you've left me wanting more again, haha !! so perhaps swiss' screaming match conversation with dew and rain about their negative influence on phantom ?

if that doesn't take your fancy, the line in sickeningly sweet "sure he told mountain a lot but never that much" has also got me wanting more of your writing and storytelling ! i'd be really interested to know what you think phantom has and hasn't told mountain in regards to his issues with eating (and maybe even dew as well, because mountain mentioning that dew told him a few extra details that phantom hadn't has got my brain running wild with possibilities !!)

this got very long, i'm so sorry :0 and i have so, so much more to say about all of your writing too !!? but i'll leave this ask as it is for the moment, since it's already quite long <3

Omg sorry I took so long writing this. I like drowning in work rn but I finally have the time to write again! I like your idea of Mountain and Dew so here you go! Thank you for the suggestion so much and I hope you like it! Sorry it's a little short.

Dew was laid on Mountain's chest, the two of them inside of the green house on a reclining patio chair. Gently, Mountain dragged his hair through Dewdrops long hair as he gently hummed. He had been working with both Phantom and Dewdrop on their eating, being the only ghoul to have enough patience and not tell the two to "just eat". So he found himself here, enjoying the warmth of the greenhouse.

"How's Tom?" Dewdrop asked softly after a few minutes of silence. After Mountain had taken him through the list of genuinely concerning side effects, Dewdrop had felt terrible for what he had done and turned to worrying for Phantom far more than himself.

"He's getting there but it's not great. He cried over having to eat breakfast. It took him half an hour to even try it but it's better than last week when he simply fell asleep rather than ate," Mountain said in a sad tone. It had broken his heart to see the poor kit distraught over essentially nothing; but he knew it was basically everything to Phantom.

"I'm so sorry," Dewdrop whispered, his heart shattering some. Mountain just rubbed his back and sighed, feeling sorry for both of them.

"It's all my fault, Mountain, I was the one who started this," he murmured biting back tears before continuing on in a meek voice, "I d-didnt realize he was going to do this so sometimes I'd point out the calories in things I wouldn't eat. I didn't even think he knew what a calorie was. And I said so much hurtful shit after that too. I thought he wanted me to be mean to him, I really did. I thought I was making him better by being worse." Tears streaked down his face by this point as Mountain held him close, just letting him get it all out.

"And, and, I made him hate his favorite food. Do you remember when Copia would get him cakes or cookies or just something sweet after every concert? And how happy he was to get them? He was so proud of himself... And I said he looked so much better not having eaten that shit. That it showed on his hips and that it was the reason he was starting to look like a little piglet. Why did I ever say that? This is all my fault!" At this point Dewdrop was sobbing, his body shaking as he cried. Mountain just held him tightly and let him cry. To think that both of them thought like that though, it made him want to cry too. They were both getting better though, and that was what mattered. What had been said couldn't be undone, so all that was left was to hopefully undue the damages.

[goose-duck]

Mandela catalog texting 🍜

~~~~~~

✨Jonah and Adam✨

~~~~~~

💜Adam: u dyed ur hair again?

💙Jonah: yes

💜Adam: looks ugly

💙Jonah: ur face

💜Adam: what.

💙Jonah: is surprisingly pretty

💜Adam: why'd you compliment me, I just insulted you, are you stupid?

💙Jonah: keep going, I'm enjoying this

💜Adam: freak

~~~~~~

💜Adam: wanna ask if we can go to the library?

💙Jonah: u can ask, u gotta bring ur paper up anyway

💜Adam: Nah

💜Adam: just stay here

💜Adam: what's wrong

💜Adam: did you want something from the service trade people

💜Adam: I have money

💜Adam: I kinda owe you anyway

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: I'm sorry 😭

💙Jonah: I hate to leave man

💙Jonah: *picture didn't send*

💙Jonah: what a bitch

💜Adam: I can't see the picture you sent me

💜Adam: I learned a new spell in DND and fucked shit up

💙Jonah: oh sorry

💙Jonah: that's cool :)

💜Adam: It was fun, I accidentally almost killed Evelin and the guy that sits beside Evelin bc I didn't know how big the attack was and blew up a room

💙Jonah: Jesus

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: hi

💜Adam: hello

💙Jonah: hiiiiiii

💙Jonah: So what all did we have to do in English

💜Adam: Read the thingy online then pick a few questions and answer them, write a paragraph for each question you picked and you need at least 300 words

💙Jonah: oh okay

💜Adam: Should be called "my father tried to kill me with a crocodile" or alligator, I don't know my reptiles

💙Jonah: ok

💙Jonah: I got it

~~~~~~

✨Evelin and Sarah✨

~~~~~~

🌷Evelin: I broke up with him, but we agreed to still be friends bc he does great as a friend just not as a boyfriend

🌺Sarah: Fr?

🌺Sarah: like, you actually ended it?

🌷Evelin: Yeah, let me quote myself, "I wanna be ur friend, not ur girlfriend"

🌷Evelin: And he was like "okay, I think that'll be a bit awkward, but we can do that"

🌺Sarah: u guys might get back together tho

🌺Sarah: i think just a break

🌷Evelin: Nevermind, he doesn't even wanna be friends

🌺Sarah: talking stage

🌺Sarah: type of thing

🌺Sarah: well

🌺Sarah: you still have me and Dave

🌷Evelin: He told me not to talk to him and I told him I'll give him his sweater on Monday and I won't talk to him anymore

🌷Evelin: drama queen much

🌷Evelin: is that mean?

🌺Sarah: wtf

🌷Evelin: maybe

🌺Sarah: nah

🌷Evelin: he can just sit with other Adam

🌷Evelin: they're friends

🌺Sarah: yeah

🌺Sarah: or with Jonah

🌺Sarah: I like my answer better

🌷Evelin: he'd die if he had to sit with Jonah

🌷Evelin: it'd be kinda funny

🌺Sarah: exactly

🌷Evelin: I can't believe he said "don't talk to me" as if he listens to me when I talk to him anyway lol

🌺Sarah: Bro 💀

🌷Evelin: And now he's begging me for a second chance 😭

🌺Sarah: wow

🌺Sarah: that would be more awkward

🌷Evelin: he's just very interesting

🌺Sarah: ur gonna get back with him

🌺Sarah: just give it a week

🌷Evelin: no we are not

🌺Sarah: ok

🌷Evelin: with the way he's being rn I'd rather just not talk to him

🌺Sarah: yeah

🌺Sarah: me too

🌷Evelin: My mother's like "aw why, he wanted to have a job that made a lot of money" and it was funny

🌺Sarah: wow

🌺Sarah: lol

🌷Evelin: I swear she only likes the ppl I'm with if they have money or plan to do something that will make a lot of money 😭

🌷Evelin: She's shallow, she married dad bc he was making a bunch of money at the time lol

🌺Sarah: honestly I don't blame her

🌺Sarah: I would too

🌷Evelin: I agree with her, but, like, damn

🌺Sarah: easy way of living life

🌷Evelin: true

🌷Evelin: He's still going so I was like "but being friends is :("And he was like "and dating me wasn't fun"And I was like "no"

🌺Sarah: damn

🌺Sarah: bold

🌺Sarah: ur right tho

🌺Sarah: He never acted like a boyfriend in front of others therefore that's why Jonah thought me and you were dating

🌺Sarah: little does he know I'm dating someone else

🌷Evelin: ahahahha

🌺Sarah: you should tell him that

🌷Evelin: he just doesn't boyfriend the way you do

~~~~~~

✨Jonah and Adam ✨

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: my mother is arguing with me abt school

💙Jonah: so mean

💜Adam: why

💙Jonah: bc she's mean

💙Jonah: I dunno

💙Jonah: I think she just wants to argue

💙Jonah: such are mothers

💜Adam: makes sense

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: you been talking to Eve?

💜Adam: yeah

💙Jonah: what happened?

💜Adam: I still don't know what she's got going on

💜Adam: kinda just ignoring her rn

💙Jonah: ohh ok

~~~~~~

✨Ruth and Thatcher✨

~~~~~~

🤍Thatcher: I'm thinking abt dying my hair fr, so, I'm taking suggestions for what colour/colours

🤍Thatcher: Like, I'm gonna probably do it later tonight or tmr

🌻Ruth: dark blue

🤍Thatcher: okay :]

🌻Ruth: half blue half black

🌻Ruth: or purple and black

🌻Ruth: blue and purple

🌻Ruth: something with blue or purple

🤍Thatcher: those are Dave's favorite colours :0

🤍Thatcher: haha

🌻Ruth: actually? Never knew that

🤍Thatcher: I have blue, I'd just have to buy purple

~~~~~~

✨Mark and Cesar✨

~~~~~~

🍓Mark: *picture of their mark on their final project (team project)*

🍄Cesar: woohoo

🍄Cesar: 95%

🍓Mark: yeah

🍄Cesar: we're awesome

🍓Mark: I thought the interview was alright though, probably my fault

🍓Mark: you are

🍓Mark: I sucked ass

🍄Cesar: U were fine, but u could tell u weren't completely sure what u were talking about sometimes

🍓Mark: Exactly

🍄Cesar: <3

🍓Mark: you probably still would have maybe not me

🍓Mark: but I'm proud of you

🍓Mark: I wasn't sure abt anything I'm gonna be honest

🍄Cesar: Well, it was more fun bc we worked together, it wouldn't have been the same without u :]

🍓Mark: thank u

🍓Mark: I feel special for once

🍄Cesar: No need to thank me, it's just how I feel :>U pretty much motivated me to get shit done with it hence why I'd get so pissy when things weren't getting done, bc I don't care for my own grades but knowing ur grade could have been bad bc of me it made me actually want to work on it

🍄Cesar: Also, give urself some credit, u did ask Mrs. Buckle the questions, I probably wouldn't have bothered

🍓Mark: I have an 83 in that class, I wasn't worrying much about it, just wanted to get a decent mark out of it. I care about your marks because you're my friend and I wanna graduate all together

🍓Mark: I have patience with you, I don't with most people. Sometimes I lose it but at times I can't take it yk

🍓Mark: I could've worked on it sooner instead of last minute though

🍓Mark: But thank you for doing it for me, you did it for yourself.

🍄Cesar: <3

🍓Mark: love youuu

🍄Cesar: love u toooo

~~~~~~

✨Adam and Sarah✨

~~~~~~

💜Adam: fuck you

🌺Sarah: I though u were being the bigger person and ending the conversation

~~~~~~

💜Adam: I can do the showcase tomorrow btw, unless you're still mad and don't want me there. Then ig you can do it

🌺Sarah: I'm not doing it alone, u better be there

🌺Sarah: My throat hurts to much to speak so if u can be there that'd be great

💜Adam: I'll be there. Are you and eve still mad

🌺Sarah: If ur over it we're over it

💜Adam: I'm over it, I should apologize to Evelin. Im sorry for Thursday with the Jonah thing and for the dance. I just needed Eve at the time and I'm sorry

🌺Sarah: whatever you say.

~~~~~~

✨Adam and Jonah ✨

~~~~~~

💜Adam: hey

💜Adam: you there

💙Jonah: hi

💙Jonah: bus

💙Jonah: on it

💙Jonah: soon

💙Jonah: getting on it

💜Adam: ok

💜Adam: I have a lock with a

💜Adam: key

💙Jonah: okay.

~~~~~~

[lukewarmsoapytoast]

UGH the URGE to just spam this acc with angst writing is INSANE. Sadly, I haven’t written a full-length read in a while, I’ve had college classes in the mornings and I get busy in the afternoons. So, my point is, HERE’S SOME QUOTES I CAME UP WITH OR WANT TO USE‼️‼️

Please only reuse w/ credit!

Most of these taken from irl because it was funny 😭

LET ME KNOW YOUR OPINIONS AND WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT QUOTES AND SUCH IN!!!

Quotes

•

"Of course you do, and you’re going to regret those bad decisions in the morning when you’re sober."

“What morning?”

•

“You ignore my requests like they’re food allergies at a foreign restaurant and you wonder why I wanna hang out with girls more.”

•

“I wish I could love you, too.”

•

“It’s because I’m in love with you.”

“Because you wha—oh my god, it all makes sense now.”

•

"Alright, alright, I’ll tell you. But you can't laugh, okay? Promise me you’ll listen without judgment."

“I mean unless you say that you managed to kill a god, I won’t laugh.”

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.”

•

“My love…You— You know there isn’t any recovering from this, the medics won’t arrive in time, I-I’ll die. I deserve to be made fun of for being that stupid, but I don’t regret my choice…saving you was my goal overall in life, my purpose, and I succeeded..I can die happy, but you need to let me go, first.”

•

“And how am I supposed to believe you, huh? You wanna bring that fucking whore in to confirm that you still love me? That you regret fucking her over and over, and over, repeatedly, on our own damn bed??”

“[First Name], I—”

“It’s [Last Name] now, that’s what you’ll be referring to me as. No more pet names, no more first name. Goodbye, find somebody else to manipulate.”

•

“Dude, you literally shot me.”

“I was beat as a child, do you hate me, do you want me dead, I know you do, I understand—”

•

“I have a penis and it isn’t mine. ☺️”

“Uhh, what?”

“You heard me.”

“Where r u rn??”

“I’m w ur mom”

“Bruh”

“The party you told me not to go to.”

“Omw.”

•

“If you could have any superpower, what would it be?”

“😈”

“Uh oh? Please tell me you haven’t written an essay about this already and I happened to send that around the time you finished it.”

“I think I'd have the ability to persuade people. It's nothing special but imagine how much success you could end up having and also how many people you could befriend. I like having friends. ALSO you can stop any wars with just a "Stop pretty pls 🥺👉👈" like it's the best superpower. You could save the world with it basically, screw pollution”

“Dear god, keep going. I’m interested.”

“People who wanna fly are confusing, like, go skydiving or something like that, pull a hiccup from HTTYD. And why obtain invisibility when you can just tell people you aren’t there?”

“Wait, you’ve got a point.”

“Somebody asking why we’re stalking them? Hit them with the ‘NUH UH! I’M NOT EVEN HERE, BABY! I’M A HALLUCINATION!’. That’ll win.”

“Oh my god you’re onto something.”

“Someone trying to end the world? Nope. ‘Pretty pls be a good person 🥺’ them.”

“How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Since you asked.”

“YOU THOUGHT THAT UP THAT QUICKLY???”

•

"What if he thinks I'm being dense?"

"Then he'll stop liking you. Problem solved."

Ideas

•

When they're constantly assuring as they lay dying, "I'm fine, I'll be okay, don't worry about me, l'll live." But their final words, whispered, barely audible,

"I don't want to die."

•

“I’ll be there for you”, “I’m sorry”, “I love you”, over and over again. “don’t hurt yourself”, “We need a break”, “I need you”, All of this, but you never mean it. Never. Not when I need you, your mistakes are a record on loop, your love is as present as my father. You don’t care if I hurt myself, especially because you hurt me. Can this break last forever? You need me to do as you say, you don’t need me there.

•

If HS!Gojo had a crush he’d confess like this:

(Texting)

“Let’s go on a date, do you like sex? Lol. <3”

•

Chr picks up a completely dry and closed jar of salsa.

“Salsaaaa…”

Something drips on their toe.

“Is…Is it wet?”

Frantically checking the jar for water droplets or cracks. Nothing.

“Excuse me???”

Confused.

“WHY???”

Concerned.

•

Father telling small adopted demon child to stay behind while they search for a plushie.

"Perhaps you should stay here, honey. This is no place for a child anyways. I'm sure we don't want you getting kidnapped by some kind of murderer, do we?"

"👹" Foaming at the mouth.

"Dear god, what have I done?"

•

Two characters arguing in a group chat over who’s hotter and it turns into an argument over who would be a better boyfriend to you. This is how you make your grand entrance.

“What did I just stumble upon at this very unfortunate hour. I wish to die.”

[verystrxxwberry]

ALEXANDER, HELP ME, IM DYING-😭😭😭 my bestie just said to me: hear me out, and im like, "what kind of abomination is your crush now?" and im fr, after she told me she liked Adam(HH) wITHOUT THE MASK I thought nothing could be worst. spoiler, IT CAN💀 she's like, "no, is a ship" and i just go "fuck" (she's the kind of person who shipps TojixGojo) ... im just going to copy-paste our conversation in here:

(i love her but bitch you r crazyyy):

Lili: it's a Moonlight Lovers ship

Me: If this is your Ethan x Ivan again I'm gonna punch you

Lili: it is not, hear me out😭

Me: u don't deserve me hearing you out after your James Potter x Severus Snape bullshit of the other day reading marauder's fanfiction but ok

Lili: ok, i realized that Vlad is an interesting character

Me: what do you mean by interesting💀?

Lili: that he just is such a cutie patootie that can be shipped with anyone in the manor except Ivan☺️✨

Me: WHAT

Lili: like Rapha x Vlad is such a cute couple, or Aaron x Vlad. is like a safe place.

Me: u r mad af

Lili: no, pls. like, Ethan x Vlad is just right. they can heal each other!

Me: u said this exact shit a week ago during the HP marathon in the scene Hermione punched Draco. wich im tempted to do rn, but we are, sadly, online

Lili: and Beliath x Vlad is just the perfect enemies to lovers! or rivals to lovers, better said. is my (second) personal favorite

Me: YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE A PERSONAL FAVORITE, THIS IS JUST INSANE😭😭😭

Lili: waittt, there is one more. THE one, with Vladiath. or the name is Belimir?

Me: NO💀 Lili, DON'T YOU Dare

Lili: 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Me: d-o-n-t s-a-y i-t

Lili: my top tier: Neil x Vladimir

Me: WHYYYYYYYY, WHY YOU GOTTA BE LIKE THISSS

Lili: but is just right 😭😭!

Me: make it have sense!!!! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE

Lili: it is not!!!

Me: ur parents shouldn't be ashamed of you being trans, they should be ashamed for this. u little fuck, whyyyy. just leave Vladimir alone!

Me: ur parents shouldn't be ashamed of you being trans, they should be ashamed for this. u little fuck, whyyyy. just leave Vladimir alone!

Lili: hsgajshkahsj, bitch🤣 ily, but i don't get how do you were chill after an actual conversion and mad about this

Me: I just have principles. My god, how crazy you are

Lili: Tumblr this to or verystrxxwberry! you'll see he'll have to agree with me on something.

Me: I swear if anyone in the entire world agrees with you on this I'll kill myself

anyways, she came over to my house and we're eating Nutella while i send this to you. you are both of us favorite's Moonlight lovers content creator, but my girl lili is just messed up in the head. (just joking, someday she'll be my bridesmaid,) it's awesome to be her friend, tho.

have a nice day, mah boi, and dON'T AGREE WITH THIS ATROCITY 💀💀💀💀.

You know, my heart did a giant backflip when I saw this giant message. Still, I am very glad I am very glad I am your fav ml content creator, that increases my ego 😎 (kidding but it makes me very happy to know!)

About ML ships... well, I genuinely believe that if we are talking about Vladimir, the healthiest ones would be with Raphael and Aaron. I never thought about the chance of Vladimir with Ethan or Beliath because they aren't his type at all, then Ivan is like the rebel kid on the mansion so.. no... but Neil 💀💀 I must confess he is my least liked character because I never ❗️ know❗️ what❗️to❗️write❗️for him❗️so my mind kinda deletes his presence most of the times. Still, it would be a very toxic ship if we dared to think abour Vladimir x Neil. If Vlad is already depressed, I think Neil would only drag him lower.

[oshikiri-toru]

Tag game for fic writers

Thanks @sergeantwoods for the tag <33

1.) How many works?

On my current AO3 it's 22 (+1 anonymous post) if we're counting old old fics probably ~30

2.) Total word count?

Currently 294,024 😩 and that's not counting the 10k in wips I have rn. Idek how that's possible it hasn't been a year yet

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

Right now (and probably for a long long while) it's just COD. Specifically MW reboot, but I've thought about dabbling in black ops or wwii

4.) Top 5 fics by kudos?

- You've Got My Body, Flesh, and Bone

- Close Friends Only

- High Tide

- Red String of Fate is Tangling

- It's Better When It Feels Wrong

5.) Do you respond to comments?

Mostly no. I'm too paranoid and anxious most of the time 😰. I try to answer questions or respond to people who inspired/are inspired by my work but regular compliments are scary (love getting them tho)

6.) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm not a fan of mcd or no comfort for Ghoap, so nothing that sad. I guess "Solar Eclipse". Sort of bittersweet with how much therapy they're going to need after that (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠)

7.) Fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh God, there's a lot. If I had to choose?? Maybe "Forever Ain't Half the Time (I Want to Spend With You)" that's just some good old fluff all the way through!

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten unsolicited constructive criticism, passive aggressive comments, and that one guest with the racist username, but nothing explicit towards me.

9.) Do you write smut?

Plenty of pwp. They're usually my quick palate cleansers between plot-driven stories since they are a bit easier for me to write.

10.) Craziest crossover?

No real crossovers, but I have a Fire Emblem AU going if that counts ┐⁠(⁠´⁠ー⁠｀⁠)⁠┌

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, thankfully.

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

No :( that would be so cool, though.

13.) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but that sounds so fun :(

14.) All time favorite ship?

I don't know what Activision put in Ghoap?? But they are like crack cocaine for me. Genuinely never been this obsessed with a ship. Only thing sorta close was Ranpoe from bsd

15.) What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I mean, my baseball AU isn't much more than some disconnected ideas, but I don't think I'll ever get to write it. I'm so not good with super long fics, my fe AU is already stressing me out

16.) What are your writing strengths?

Um, I've been told my dialogue and characterization is really good. My favorite compliment is always how I make the characters seem real :D personally, I put a lot of focus into pacing so I hope that's good LMAO

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm not that great with flowery language :( I always love seeing how some writers can create beautiful prose, amazing imagery, and outstanding figurative language, but my writing always feels somewhat straightforward in comparison :/

18.) Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I don't hate it, but I don't try to include it too much. Singular words here or there that can be inferred without translation (nicknames/terms of endearment/curses) are all I'll usually do. I feel like having long strips of another language that someone needs to translate to understand breaks up the flow and pacing too much for my tastes. Usually, I just mention it's in another language. (Also don't want to embarrass myself in front of native speakers lol, that's why I don't do accents either)

19.) First fandom you wrote in?

Oh God please don't ask that... I think it was Creepypasta or Black Butler back in elementary school ಥ⁠_⁠ಥ

20.) Favorite fic you've written?

100% without a doubt 'I'm Your Home, You're My Home' I don't know what was in the water when I wrote it, but I don't know if I'll ever one-up it.

My favorite smut was definitely 'Late Night Ride Home' lmao. Perfectly catered to me 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ yessir

This was soo fun <33 thank you again Sarge!! :D I loved reading your responses!

I have no clue who to tag. Any of my fic writing mutuals that see this, feel free to hop on and tag me :) these are so fun to read

[catragemiau]

I'm getting fucked up on rum and rewatching Good Omens 2 because I hate myself

SO

Have I ever told you how I hate and don't understand alcohol (I'm drunk rn btw OH THE IRONY) I didn't but I want to abuse the blogging heart of Tumblr to write my rambling down

Expect a lot of typos and incorrect usage of words, I'm awful at English even when I'm not myself.

I've always been amazed by alcoholics. The alcohol, even the best one, has DISGUSTING taste and smell but the thing about it is that it makes your head feel funny and apparently that's enough to ignore the awful sensations you get while drinking it. I'm not particularly into "symbols" and "signs" but A LOT of different little things has convinced me that if I ever start drinking, I'll become an alcoholic.

I started drinking when I was at my internet friend's place in the capital city after I got dumped around 8 months AND half-year ago by two different people who didn't even considered me as their partners lmao. Being asexual in a country with obsession with sex and patriarchy is INTERESTING but that's a discussion for another day. I drank some disgusting cyder and got fucked up after one? two cans?? And then I went to sleep during Terminator 2 because I wasn't used to consuming alcohol. At the age of 22 I think.

I started ordering cocktails at a karaoke bar we were visiting pretty often with irl friends. Apparently they were quite shitty since they were using cheap alcohol and were VERY weak to hide the awful taste. I was okay with that, I didn't know better.

At some point I got acquainted with rum. I think it started with cocktail drinks at that karaoke bar. And at small parties my friend had when he still lived in this city. I can't say I felt in love with it but it's the type of alcohol drink I'm most okay with. Tastes and smells like shit but at least I can bear this type of shit.

For an alcohol beverage, rum is most bearable for me. It STILL tastes like shit but for alcohol it's actually quite good. Now's the time I actually start my rambling about how I don't get it.

Alcohol tastes like shit. Absolute. Abysmal. Shit.

And I still don't get it. After drinking good and AWFUL alcohol.

I'm supposed to be an alcoholic and I'm still convinced if I was normal mentally, I'd be one. But I'm not. I hate how alcohol tastes. And still I'm drinking it, even right now. I FUCKING LOVE RUM I hate rum fuck my life.

I like cocktails when they're made of good and best alcoholic beverages and a shit ton of flavoring agents to kill the taste of alcohol. I like mint cocktails, I LOVE MOJITO. How could people hate mojito??? What's wrong with them. STILL, even if I like cocktails, they're shit. They taste like shit.

I'm amazed by alcoholics. I'm amazed by my friends who can get shitfaced by awful alcohol and then do it again in a few weeks or even days. They can suppress the feeling of tasting shit to get funny feeling in their head. To forget. I don't get it. I wish I could - it would've made my life so much easier, but I can't. It all tastes like shit.

I don't know if I'm autistic or not and I can't even get checked in this country. But I know for the fact that alcohol is SHIT. I can't get addicted to it even if I want to. Even if it makes me feel how I wish I could feel everyday. How I should feel to make my life easier because caring about everything that happens in my life is awful. You know that killing people is bad? You can get in jail here if you say it out loud. Discussion for future when we're legally allowed to talk about it when it all ends.

How can people drink cheapest shittiest alcohol just to forget things? Just to not feel? Do they do it consciously? Do they do it because they forgot why they even started it? Do they do it just because they can? They don't ask of themselves that much, that's for sure.

How can people do things with addiction when it hurts you at first? Do they just not care? Do they not feel the pain that comes with the first step? How do you ignore it? Experience or brain chemistry?

Y'know, I actually love singing. I forget I do but I still do it when I don't feel like shit. Or when I do feel like COMPLETE SHIT. I feel 120% when I'm drunk and I wish my friend would have more parties which end up in improvised karaoke night just so I could express myself the one of two ways I love to. But he's in another city and visits us once half-year. Other than that I'm rarely invited to anything. And I tend to have conflicts with my friends because I'm very demanding of them and of myself but I don't talk about it. I don't like to show it but then I do show it and fuck up everything. Being friends with good people is hard.

Will Wood writes great music. I need to buy a piano to remember my music school times. I still wish my parents would gave me away to guitar or violin teachings but piano is good too.

It was supposed to rain today but it didn't.

To my sober self: stfu. Don't delete this. Learn to deal with cringe.

And you, the follower I've seen for a while or a random person that just decided to waste their time. Tell me about your favorite drink. I love to taste new things. And I probably love you <3 Keep it up. You have to.

[leeyanyanyaaan]

15 / 09 / 2023

altho i did listen to "social path" during its release (lisa my beloved im so happy they did a collab <3) today was the first time i watched the mv and rlly payed attention to the lyrics... and i began to realize how relatable this song felt to me. searching for the english translation all the more proved it. for an upbeat song, i seem to have grown an emotional attachment to it ^^;

i'll properly write it out into a story one day, but for now, here are the thoughts i've noted down as i listened to social path again and again. here, i write about my dream to eventually leave home and get to live my own life (originally, i was writing it out in 3rd person as i was planning to turn it into a skz x reader fic... but you'll see that it eventually got personal XD)

• "Gave up my youth for my future" lived a life predetermined for them by their parente, had to sacrifice many things they wanted, "gave up my youth" to follow along to what their parents told them, never experiencing much happy childhood memories

• "I just want to rise up stronger" after years of living their life like this they want to break free and become strong and independent - their own person

• Verse 1: they've left home, escaping the environment that once had them completely under control; now they're living on their own, only have themself to depend on. it's daunting but liberating at the same time. their family berates them for choosing to leave everything behind because they didn't want to live that way anymore and want to live their own way, but they think otherwise, that they've endured enough to suppress their desires and temptations to please them and that despite no longer wanting to go through it anymore, they've grown stronger because they were able to make the difficult decision to save themself and choose independence. their past experiences were painful, but enduring it has made them stronger, and they can only face forwards towards the future because there won't be a second time

• Prechorus: they know the path they've chosen is going to be a lonely one because everyone who used to love them has now turned away from them because of their decisions. they're in a new environment/situation where they only have themself to depend on, but they won't give up and fall after how far they've come, they know that their family wants them to give up and run back home to them. it's a bittersweet feeling, painful, but also hilarious that their family ever thought they'd want to live that life forever. their inner demons haunt them, but it's okay now, they're now reminders of why they chose this path.

• Chorus: you only live once, I'm ready to take on this path no matter what anyone else says. "This path was meant to be my dream," I've longed to finally be able to do this, despite all the hurt I've suffered for this, I don't regret my decision, so call me crazy, "down on this road, call it the social path"

• Verse 2: I know this hard decision is something that will haunt me for a long time. I've parted from people in my life, my family being the hardest to leave. I've seen many come and go, so even if I end up on my own, it'll be fine, I will fight for myself

• Bridge: there's no way back to the past to mend any old regrets, I dont want to go back to the past anyways, so I'll just keep moving forward and looking towards the present. Even if I get lost on the way, even if I take this journey all on my own, I'll keep going and reach my goal: to live the life I want.

thoughts? i might make a seperate skz (+ lisa 😳?) x reader in the end with a dystopian setting... but rn im still rlly in my angsty feels over this song so it probably wont be until a while XD nonetheless, i hope you like my interpretation of social path :)

[altraviolet]

Just caught up with The Echo Garden… holy shit.

I have so much respect for you rn. You’ve been updating this since 2020?? That’s incredible. It’s fics like yours that make me wanna write (even tho I’ve never finished a project ever but shhh). You’re an inspiration, I wanna create stories like yours. I don’t think I’ll be able to come close but am not about to lose hope. I cannot wait to see where The Echo Garden goes. Keep doing what you’re doing 💜

Thank you so much for the very kind ask! 💜 I started drafting Echo Garden in 2019 and posted the first chapter in 2020, yeah. Covid hit my professional and personal life hard, so writing and development went/are going a lot more slowly than I thought they would. Today I realized I've spent hundreds of hours on The Echo Garden and I felt mixed feelings about that, but messages like this make me feel better about it ;A;

I'm honored to be an inspiration and yes, don't lose hope!

Here's a story that might encourage you (or might not... let's find out):

In 2016 or 2017 I told a friend of mine I was thinking of writing TF fic, but I was really intimidated by the age of the fandom and the extent of the franchise. There were so many characters! And people seemed really, ah, protective of their built up headcanons. Fandom seemed to have these collective interpretations and understandings of characters that I was vastly unfamiliar with.

My friend recommended that I read a particular story, which was quite popular, to get an idea of what TF fic was like.

I read the fic (okay mostly, I did skip a little bit because it is a very dark and heavy fic). One of the chapters is, legit, I kid you not, the best thing I've ever read. Of anything. It's not my favorite thing I've ever read. It is the BEST thing I've ever read.

I put my head down on my desk and didn't write for a year.

(I literally put my head down on my desk. And I literally didn't write for a year.)

I knew I could never be that good. Why try?

But after a year, I had an idea. And, dammit, it wasn't an intricate, political longfic saga, but it was my idea and I wanted to write it. And I did. And a few people liked it. I wrote some more. Wrote a really long fic about my favorite pairing. A few more people liked that.

I'd had the idea for MTMTE Rodimus/TFP Soundwave forever, but didn't have a canon explanation for how they'd get together until Lost Light ended (thanks, JRO!). And I knew that what I wanted to do with it would take a lot of skill and thought and hard work to pull off. I didn't know if I was skilled enough to do it. After I finished the first rarepair longfic, I thought, "Well, I completed 150k and I have a canon-based explanation for how they meet. I'm as ready as I'll ever be." I was sooooooo nervous when I posted the first chapter.

To my utter shock, a whole lot of people have been reading Echo Garden :u

Which is very exciting!

But. I do wish I hadn't spent a year not writing because I thought I wasn't good enough, and I compared myself to that other author and that other fic. What I've written is different. I dunno if it's better, but why compare?

Anyway, don't give up!! Don't lose time to worrying about being good or not. Also, this is advice I've seen pro writers give: finish a project. Do your best. A little project :) See it through to the end. You can do it!

Thanks again for the kind ask =)

[unlikely-bloom]

Honestly the constant discourse about Kyman, as someone who ships it, is kinda making me want to distance myself from what used to be my OTP. People speaking ill of Kyman shippers is working on me and starting to make me worry that I'm doing something wrong by shipping it. I shouldn't care about what ppl on the internet think and I usually don't but constantly being told that I'm "supporting" something thats "abusive" or problematic is getting to me. Like dammit, I didn't even know about the discourse when I got into Kyman; I got into it by watching the show itself and it was my first SP ship but honestly if I knew that people gave a shit about it in the SP fandom I probably wouldn't have bothered. It'll always have a place in my heart but I'm getting tired of this shit 😔 Im extra emotional rn so Im not being rational here and you dont have to publish this. I know fandom shouldn't have that affect on me I'll get over it after Style vs. Kyman fight 2192943290 blows over. Idk if you're comfortable with vents sorry if I crossed a boundary here.

Oh, anon. It never used to be like this.

Fandom discourse these days is insane. Unhinged, even. The idea that anyone is more morally correct than someone else for what they ship and enjoy in fiction is absolutely ludicrous. Especially within the context of shipping fucking South Park characters.

The hard truth is that every fandom is like this now. You don't have shipping wars just arguing over what makes more sense 'in canon', but moving on to an ever-changing line of what is and isn't 'morally acceptable.' As if that's ever something the majority of people would ever agree on. (Hint: it's not!)

But there is a certain irony to see people arguing this for South Park of all things, as if we aren't all equally degenerate for enjoying such a 'problematic' show in the first place. Like... seriously. Be so serious, people. It's South Park. Everything is exaggerated for comedic effect-- including character's personalities, their actions and their relationships to one another. It's never going to be a character driven show no matter how much this fandom sometimes wishes it was. We're going to have characters who don't give a fuck about each other, literally wishing death or plotting to kill each other in one episode and then they're just going to be chilling playing video games in the next episode like nothing happened. It's episodic. That's part of the appeal. It's why it's such a sandbox.

Even if you didn't ship Kyman, their dynamic is impossible to ignore, try as some might. They say they hate each other, yet they keep hanging out. Both parties are there of their own volition. They both enjoy each other's company, and no amount of write-up's anyone can post on tumblr dot com is going to change that canon fact. They're friends.

Also-- they are just plain fun to watch, fucking hilarious and a huge appeal of the show! If someone else who watches the show doesn't like them, that's their problem. Them not liking an aspect of the show isn't going to make that part of the show any less valid and/or canon. And guess what? You're supposed to like their dynamic. It's supposed to be entertaining and captivating. How you interpret it is up to you, but there is 100% nothing wrong with watching an episode of South Park and enjoying Eric and Kyle's dynamic-- that is what you're supposed to do. So don't feel bad about it. The show is made for people to enjoy, after all. Also, it's important to keep in mind that just because you can find a dynamic appealing doesn't mean you endorse everything about it. That's such a wild and new-age fandom take. Fiction is an escape-- a safe space to explore unrealistic relationships and unrealistic characters. You're allowed to like fucked up things in fiction. You're allowed to like stuff in fiction you'd find repulsive or abhorrent in real life.

I think I can speak for a good chunk of the fandom when I say, I'd fucking hate Eric Cartman in real life. Hell, I'd probably hate Kyle, too. I have a lot of favourite characters from different fandoms I'd probably hate in real life. They're fun because they're fictional and it's different from real life. If I wanted to read about stuff that happens in real life, I wouldn't be here.

In the end, anon, fandom is supposed to be fun. To me it's just fun to take these silly little egg construction paper kids, draw 'em as anime characters, and give 'em some angst. It's fun! There's so much to do with them! They're soooo dynamic!

But if you're not having fun-- if you're stressing-- there's nothing wrong with taking a step back for your own mental well-being. I'm not about to tell you your feelings are invalid, because I know how any internet discourse, no matter how trivial or silly it may seem, can still stress you out. If you're constantly being told you're morally corrupt or problematic, it can take a toll on you-- even if you know you're not. The truth is you're never going to agree with everyone on the internet, and people will weaponize something as trivial as a South Park ship to make them feel better about their ship while also making you feel worse about your ship.

Anyways, when it comes to stepping back, I think there's a few ways you could go about this;

You could disengage with the social part of the fandom-- focus on the show itself, maybe just hunker down with some fanfics.

If you'd like to remain active on social medias, I think it wouldn't hurt to start blocking liberally. Anyone who has anything along the lines of 'Kymans DNI' in their profile, just block right away. You don't want to see their opinion, anyways. You're never going to convince them otherwise.

If you have a few close friends, I recommend sticking close in a small private discord server where you can discuss your headcanons and gossip in private. It's much more liberating than trying to get involved in any of the insane discourse that plagues both here and Twitter.

Anyways, anon, do what's right for you. Kyman shippers will always be here to welcome you back! They can say what they want-- we have too much canon fodder for us to ever go away!!

[greg-montgomery]

a rant about being lonely lol

loneliness is a huge part of my life and i cry bc i feel lonely all the time. i've cried myself to sleep about it but i've also almost sobbed on my way to work bc of it on like a random monday. i just feel lonely almost all the time. and i always wonder why i feel like that when i know i am not alone. i have my parents (no matter what our relationship looks like i know they love me), i have my brother, i have my friends, i have my coworkers, i have my online friends. like...i know i'm not alone.

but it still feels lonely and i think i'm starting to understand why. cause maybe that's just how it is??

bc when i go to work and i'm with my coworkers, we laugh and we talk and i don't feel alone. but on my way to work when i sit alone in the train i do feel alone. when i arrive back home and i have to make myself something to eat, i feel alone.

or when i'm out with my friends i laugh with them and i have fun and we talk and i feel loved and i feel happy. but then when i'm back home and i have to take my makeup off and i get into bed i'm alone.

and sometimes i crave that - like i want to have a night in just by myself with just a book or a nice bath. but at the same time the loneliness just hits?

like sometimes i am laying in bed and i'm like "ahh i did my skincare and now i get to read fanfiction or write or read a book and my sheets are fresh and life can't get better than this" and some other times i cry myself to sleep cause i don't have someone to hold me.

it's like no one is close enough. they're all here but when they're not here..they're not here. that makes no sense i know lmfao but it does in my head.

bc everyone is doing their own thing, and when you’re together you’re together but when you’re not, you’re not on their mind. just like they are not on mine. it’s just how it is.

i want to find someone who when they're not physically here, they're still here with me. or someone who will be here for the moments i'm always alone.

and fictional characters can only do so much. i fucking sob every time i hear greg's voice say "i'm here" bc no one is actually here. like i just want to find someone who will make me feel like i'm not lonely anymore.

my biggest fear is that i'll stay alone forever and that's just how it is. i'm so scared of it, it genuiely makes me freak out when i imagine me old feeling the same way i do rn.

and i know i push people away which doesn’t help at all. and idk why i do that. my mom told me recently “i never see you anymore. you’ve become so distant” and i cried so much that night bc it’s true. or when my brother asks me to hang out and i just turn him down.

i know i need to work on myself and i am trying but i just really wish i had my own person :( people love to talk about self love and i GET it. but like…i am not gonna hold my own self and tell me “hey. it’s gonna be okay.” and no one will do that for me.

[lavenoon]

16, 25, 27 for the fanfic writer asks! :D

16. (guilty pleasure tropes) covered here!

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

I mean. GFDHSJ Y'all see the AU AU AU and alternate reveals and non canon scenarios I come up with, those definitely fall into this category! There's also that one anon asking about promotions that I simply don't want to spoil yet but it's a whole spin-off basically that I'll just drop after exploring it for a bit! I also couldn't stand the angst yesterday after all, so I came up with a little fix it scenario (because yes, I'm fixing death now, I needed them to be happy)

I'm hoping the screenshots are easier to ignore than a whole wall of text, for anyone who does enjoy angst without any comfort! I do actually think that worst case scenario stands well on its own, it isn't supposed to be happy, but turns out death is just a bit too rough for me still and I wanted a happy ending, actually. And, not quite a side story, but no clue when I'll get to it and I am thinking about it an unreasonable amount, post-reveal when HQ finds out that they all know each other's identity, they get a shared mission that kicks off their team of three where Robin poses as someone important with Dusk/ Dawn as their bodyguard, and you just know the tension will be SO tasty. Lingering touches, teases they can't rebuke without blowing their cover, protectiveness upped to the max... For some reason, whenever I think about it, this mission happens on a cruise, but no clue if I'll actually use that FGHDJSK

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

God I am. I am such a sucker for any and all comments, especially those that mention a line I'm particularly proud of, and y'all are spoiling me with those!! Settling on one is pretty much impossible if I go with that standard - so I'm going with an entirely different fandom. I've mentioned my slow burn long fic before, which is currently on hiatus since the hyperfixation on fnaf is too strong rn for other projects, and, well, the entire niche I found myself in before just was much less interactive or even engaging. This longfic has been up almost two years - and within not even three weeks, Accidentally Undercover has gotten more views, comments, kudos, bookmarks, anything - you name it, there's more. I was really disheartened and partly stopped writing because, well, I have my outline to read, and if barely anyone (if anyone) even reads it, then why write more? But a couple months ago, I got a comment - after about a year of hiatus, someone told me they binge-read 113K words in one day, that they love my world-building and character dynamics, and that they would love it if/when I decide to write more again. It was just so nice without being pushy that I sat down and wrote 1.5K words of the next chapter right then. It's still far from done, and the fic itself is in arc 2 of 5 - but that was more than I wrote for it in months at the time! I think of that commenter fondly because for that fic, they were a rarity. For AU y'all are SO good to me, all the comments and interaction really are fueling me, and anyone who gets to listen to me yell on discord knows I'll melt at the positive attention at any given time fghjdks