#me: i don't think about stanford era much

[incesthemes]

hi bestie. it’s me. ❤️ monkey emoji 🙊 or whatever can i make you talk about stanford era sam again… for me for please…

you can do anything you want to me. i can take it

i guess i don't think about Sam At Stanford all that much really? before and after for sure, but college life is boring. cannot imagine why sam wanted that so bad 💔

i do generally think he would have felt very out of place there, though. he comes from a background so wildly different from the average student: i think there would have been a lot of jealousy and yearning as he made friends and learned about the lives they got to live, basic things which were so unavailable to him. he probably would have been angry about this for a while, and it likely would have kept him distant from people. humans seek connection and we do that through shared experiences; if sam has none of those shared experiences, he would naturally be alienated from the average person, even if just subconsciously and unintentionally.

i also prefer the version of canon where sam graduated from high school at 19 and is entering his 4th year of college in the pilot, which can tack on some latent shame and humiliation about being older than his peers, especially when he's had such different life experiences from them.

i like to think that in his first year at stanford, there was some kind of small haunting on campus (or equally low-risk hunt), and sam decided to take care of it—not like he can exactly ignore it when it's on campus, after all. he gets hurt in the process and can't help but miss dean and john, and he's never felt more alone in his life than at that moment. it's important to me that he spends his first year in college standing on a cliff's edge, trying to ignore the abyss below him as he struggles to fit into society (the abyss is hunting, the abyss is family). one wrong move will send him hurtling over the edge and right back into the place he fought so hard to escape. it's stressful and agonizing because he knows he doesn't belong here but he can't go back, and it rips him apart and this low-grade, routine hunt is almost enough to send him falling into the abyss. i want it to hurt.

ultimately i think sam's experience at stanford was a challenge to him, one that forced him to realize just how little he actually knew about a "normal" life, the kind he'd only ever seen from the outside. the show seems to imply that most of sam's positive strides occurred as the result of demonic intervention (such as brady introducing sam to jessica), and so it brings me great joy to imagine him really, really struggling to fit in and find a life outside of hunting—possibly to the extent that he wouldn't have been able to at all if he'd been left to his own devices. obviously he wasn't an outcast at school, but i favor an interpretation that most of his social circle was because of demons like brady interfering in sam's life. the kid's awkward and doesn't know how to throw away his trash, okay. he's not cut out for a normal life.

also i think he brought something of dean's with him to school. a shirt that he wore regularly, maybe. a trinket. their shared toothbrush. it probably made acclimation harder, but he desperately needed the comfort when he was alone and wanting. he's never been farther than a few feet from dean at any point in his life, and suddenly dean is all the way across the country and his dorm room is far too big and cavernous, like it'll swallow him whole. and he misses his big brother.

[preseriesdean]

if you don’t mind me asking, could you share some of your favorite fanfics or authors? thanks ❤️

oh hi hello!! yes of course!! i actually haven't read any spn fic in a while but i have spent a lot of time organizing my bookmarks. i'm going to assume that you meant samdean fic but i'll add a few non-samdean ones at the end.

authors!

@zmediaoutlet (deadlybride on ao3)

candle_beck (ao3)

@goshen-applecrumbledore (ao3)

whereupon (livejournal)

Linden (ao3)

sevenfists (ao3)

there are so many more great authors but these came to mind :)

fics!

i am going to list my forever-favorites first - the ones i would recommend to anyone and everyone, screaming-from-the-rooftops kind of love - and then many many more under the cut.

beloved by urchinesque (2016, 1.9k, NR, warning: death) It might be the gentlest thing that's ever happened to them.

in my opinion everyone should read this once. it's quick. they die. it's-- happy, somehow. beautiful. i think about it all the time.

Last Day on Earth by candle_beck (2009, 10.8k, E) A list of things to do if you only have one day to live, presented in inconvenient non-list form.

last year my best friend and i were pondering which fic felt quintessential to samdean for us and somehow settled on this one. i still agree with the choice.

Odysseus, American by coyotesuspect (2010, 10k, M) Dean finds Peter O'Toole's recording of the Odyssey in a bin marked “Audio" in Casa Grande's only used bookstore. The place smells like cigarette smoke and old books, and it reminds him of Sam. Stanford era.

my favorite stanford era fic. i think it captures dean's loneliness and desperation beautifully.

A man with his insides out and his outsides off by britomart_is (2016, 5.3k, E, time travel, underage) They say there are only two stories in the world: man goes on a journey, and stranger comes to town.

another fic i want everyone to read. it's so short and feels like a novel. sam is messed up and dean is in love and everything is miserable.

Breathing Hard by whereupon (2009, 9k, E) The day Dean figures it out.

this is so simple and yet-- everything to me. i can't think about dinosaurs without thinking about this fic, which doesn't tell you much, but you'll see. sometimes this is really all you need.

The Last Outpost of All That Is by gekizetsu (2008, 59k, E) The world ends while they’re asleep.

this fic has stayed with me my whole life. i thought about it even during my years away from spn and fandom entirely. they're alone and you don't know why and they build their life together and you end up wondering, is this hell or heaven? whenever i come across a screenshot of the last couple of paragraphs i want to cry.

see things so much clearer by deadlybride (2020, 11.7k, E) Sam's been acting oddly. Dean learns how to use the history on an internet browser and finds out why.

this is a fic that hits the spot for me personally so well. another favorite preseries fic. i love the idea of sam using livejournal, and of dean finding out this way.

Stay The Distance by lazy_daze (2011, 24k, E) Sam is dependent on Dean's touch and closeness after the wall falls - Dean's presence reminds him of why he chose to wake up, and keeps the memories at bay, allowing Sam to function.

i love enmeshment, and i love that here it's literal. i love that they're just sort of fine with it.

more fics below!

in absolutely no particular order whatsover. please check the warnings and tags on these before reading!

Recall by De_Nugis (2012, 6.3k, E) Sam's having a hard time telling what's real and what isn't, especially when it comes to some voicemails from Dean.

Living in god's blind spot by applecrumbledore (2022, 25k, E) Of all the situations Dean didn’t need his dad to see him in, ‘getting off to being pushed around by a guy’ was in the top three. And ‘a guy’ was a massive glossing-over of reality. Any guy—any other guy—would be bad enough, but Sam was fucking cataclysmic.

Almost At Home by balefully (2008, 24.3k, E) Sam graduates from high school in early June in rural Tennessee. He and Dean start the summer with an all-nighter of celebration; the day after, while both fight hangovers, John calls to assign them their first hunt by themselves.

they said it was the fall of man by jukeboxhound (2016, 7.4k, M) Sam gets his soul back on a Monday.

When I Fall Asleep It Is Your Eyes That Close by britomart_is (2009, 1.9k, E) Post-Season Two. Sam is alive. Dean is happy.

Life As We Know It by sevenfists (2007, 13.7k, M, curtain fic) On the morning that Sam woke up, Dean ran five red lights on the way to the hospital, his half-empty coffee cup sloshing in the holder.

tied up like two ships by orphan_account (2014, 3.1k, E) Dean liked to hold hands.

Gospel Truth by Cerberuss (2020, 15.2k, E, case fic) ‘DOES YOUR BROTHER KNOW THAT YOU WANT HIM?’ Individually placed letters, bold and tinged brown with the weather. Sam can’t look away and he prays, dream dream dream.

Buy You A Mockingbird by candle_beck (2011, 10.3k, M, underage, outsider pov) A genuine horror story.

because you want to die for love by hathfrozen (2021, 27.3k, E) Sam and Dean settle into their Heaven—and into each other, too.

the constant vow by deadlybride (2022, 119k, E, fem dean-ish) They've just finished up a pretty standard job and are killing time in snowy Wisconsin when Dean wakes up no longer looking like Dean. That's just the start of their problems.

This Fortress Made of Us by mickeym (2009, 10.8k, E) Sam really didn't do very well without his brother. Coda for Mystery Spot.

State of Love and Trust/As I Busted Down the Pretext by cormallen (2010, 2.9k, M) When you know exactly what your brother's thinking, there are some chances you just don't take.

Quiet with the Rain by Linden (2014, 5.3k, T) Dean can spot an undercover cop at thirty paces, a hooker at twenty, and rims that will match his baby's at ten. But the fact that his little brother is in love with him—that, he can't see worth a damn.

have a cigar by deadlybride (2020, 5.6k, E) What happened with Andy and Ansem unsettles Sam. Dean doesn't seem worried.

Heart Shaped Balloon by winsive (2022, 18.5k, E, underage) Sam and Dad are fighting. No surprise, but it's the weekend before Valentine's Day and Dean isn't missing out on the chance to bang a cheerleader just to console his bratty little brother. He does bring back a heart shaped balloon for him, though. It's not supposed to be cursed.

Bare by gracerene (2022, 2.2k, T) Of all the things Dean hasn't done before, Sam never expected something as innocuous as skinny dipping to be on the list.

Speechless by candle_beck (2008, 11.2k, T, case fic) Dean loses his voice and their rapport is only moderately impaired.

Like It Was Yesterday by nomelon (2014, 4.9k, T, fem dean, amnesia) Sam can't remember a time when Dean wasn't there. Dean is always with him. Sam's whole life, there's never been anyone else.

Like a Ghost with Two Voices by Dyed_Red (2022, 46k, E) To cure Dean from the Mark of Cain, Sam has to let Dean, in all his demonic glory, possess him for 28 days. It goes about as well as expected.

Breathe You In (Choke You Down) by orphan_account (2021, 5.9k, E, pwp) Dean really likes the way Sam smells.

lost in yesterday by margaryes (2023, 1k, NR, john pov) John hasn’t seen his youngest son in 18 months.

Unraveling by Linden (2017, 855 words, E) No, he’d said, the first time Sammy had tried to kiss him, sixteen and half-drunk and stupidly beautiful, even though he’d wanted so badly to say yes.

pack up the moon by deathdreamt (2021, 5.9k, T, pre-slash) Sam storms back out from their room, his backpack on and his duffel hanging off his shoulder and isn’t it kind of tragic that his whole life fits in two bags. He looks suddenly much younger than he is, eyes shining. John is back at his guns, whiskey at his elbow, and Dean can hardly believe how rapidly his life is cracking down the centre.

Yesterday, minnesota by applecrumbledore (2022, 30k, E, case fic) Any initial awkwardness filtered away over a hundred miles of highway as Sam thumbed through the missing witch’s diary again. Some people had secret coke habits or secret second wives, and some people had passionate, pitch black, no-kissing sex with a family member every four to six months and never talked about it. You had to find ways to cope.

All Heartless Spectres, Happiness by orphan_account (2021, 5.6k, E) Lisa Braeden receives an email with the subject line, "You Deserve to Know." It contains a single video file and nothing else. (soulless sam)

The Palm Oasis by fictionallemons (2022, 12.3k, E, underage) John strands Dean and Sam at a middle-of-nowhere motel while he investigates possible demon omens in Arizona. The place is nothing to write home about, but at least it has a pool. Dean resolves to think of this as a vacation for him and his studious little brother, but when their money runs out sooner than expected, he considers turning tricks at a nearby truck stop so he can feed Sam.

Other Brothers by homo_pink (2020, 7k, M, underage, outsider pov) A callow boy can go from infancy to someone’s lover in the space of two wildflower summers.

Leader of the Pack by astolat (2007, 14.9k, E) Teaching old dogs new tricks.

Underground Wires by eggnogged (2012, 15.8k, E, fem sam, underage) It’s hard enough being a teenage girl even without all the extra crap: they move around all the time, her family is as far removed from normal as it’s possible to get, and she’s in love with her older brother. Sam has no control on any of it, she’s just trying to stay afloat.

Multitude of Sins by Linden (2015, 4.4k, T, outsider pov) Every now and again, Jim Murphy would look up from his altar and find the Winchester boys at the back of his church.

Like Arrows in the Hands of a Warrior by ADeedWithoutaName (2018, 10.3k, E, underage, dub con-ish, john pov) John Winchester loves his boys, and would take a bullet for either of them. He knows that he's doing it right, the way he's raising them, the things he's teaching them. Not every problem, however, has an easy answer. Like what to do after an incubus case in which their target got his pollen all over both of John's sons.

You Can't Lose What You Never Had by nigeltde (2016, 5.6k, E) You can't spend what you ain't got, and you can't lose what you ain't never had.

Flagstaff by Linden (2014, 7.3k, T, pre-slash, john pov) John tracked Sam down in Flagstaff, four days after he got home to find him gone.

I'll take my chance on a beautiful stranger by fleshflutter (2007, 3.8k, M, outsider pov) If Chase were a better friend, he might try to end the game now, before Brendan loses even more money. But if Brendan is a dick at Stanford, it’s nothing compared to how he is on break.

Cupid's Got A Gun by geckoholic (2012, 13.5k, E, non-con) Fuck-or-die, set in early S4. But they've been fucking for years, so that shouldn't be a problem, right? Wrong. Ever since hell, Dean's in no hurry to get that show on the road again.

Someone Else's Blood by sevenfists (2006, 6.7k, E) The first time, of course, was an accident. (pretend dating)

How Many Floors to Realize by lazy_daze (2009, 26k, E, swesson) AU from the end of It's A Terrible Life, in which Zachariah decides to keep stringing them along a little while longer, because damn if they aren't somewhat entertaining, right?

Worthless cartography by applecrumbledore (2022, 15.6k, E) Dean didn’t know what finally made him go for it. The djinn’s dream was a catalyst, but the call was coming from inside the house, and he’d been letting it ring for a very, very long time. (They get one night together right before Sam is taken to Cold Oak. Dean has to deal with that.)

The Space Between Sense and Memory by orphan_account (2021, 4.8k, T) There are a hundred unwritten rules on all the acceptable ways brothers should touch each other. There are hardly any ways at all to break them. Or; five times they follow the rules and one time they don’t.

Ions in the Ether by nigeltde (2019, 10.9k, E, case fic) When was the last time you trusted happy.

Crossed Wires by rivkat (2015, 10.9k, E) Dean thinks Sam is dead.

Crown and Anchor Me (or let me sail away) by Sena (2010, 23.7k, E, underage) Sam Winchester is fifteen years old, at yet another new high school in yet another state, he doesn't get along with his distant, distracted father, he's figuring out that he likes guys just as much as he likes girls, his clothes never fit and his limbs ache at the joint ever since his growth spurt started, he has to study for the PSAT and, oh yeah, he's a little bit in love with his brother, Dean, who's taken a break from hunting monsters to work at a local garage for minimum wage.

Wear Him Lika a Habit by sevenfists (2008, 2.2k, M) Their first kiss isn't an accident. It's anticipated well in advance, discussed for weeks, argued over, second-guessed.

Amor Prohibido by phoenixflight (2020, 3k, M, underage) They spent the spring of Sam's sophomore year living in a shitty apartment south of San Antonio. Every Friday night the clearest channel played three hour marathons of a Spanish soap called La Casa del Corazón. There was a mutually understood truce about watching it, because the alternatives were infomercials or creepy kids’ cartoons that futzed into static every fifteen seconds.

Open Road by Mollyamory (2010, 2k, T) Sam's old enough to know what's good for him.

It's the Blueprint of Your Life by queenklu (2011, 38.4k, time travel) Sam jerks awake in the middle of the night and everything goes to hell. Well, not literally, though Dean is staring down the barrel of less than a year before his deal comes due. In the midst of dealing (or not dealing) with his impending death, a killer ghost ship, and Bela showing up out of the blue, Dean also has to figure out what’s going on in Sam’s head to make him so twitchy, why he’s suddenly breezing through this case while writing endless notes in a notebook he won’t let Dean see.

North of Wednesday by Mollyamory (2008, 3.5k, G) Sam's behind the wheel before he realizes he doesn't have the keys. Coda to Mystery Spot.

non-wincest fic.

dean/omc. We Drank a Thousand Times by glorious_spoon (2010, 43k, M, warning: death) They meet in a bar fight in North Carolina when Dean is nineteen, broke, and desperate, then again when a hunt brings the Winchesters into town a few years later. Neither one of them ever puts a name to it but every once in a while, through the years, Dean finds his way back.

dean/cas: terror & desire intertwined by rupertgayes (2022, 39k, M) Faced with Castiel suffering a fate worse than death, Dean makes the decision to let Cas use his body as a temporary vessel. All things considered, Dean thinks, it could have gone worse.

gen, sam&dean: what lasts by deadlybride (2021, 17.2k, M) Not long after they move into the bunker, Dean loses a leg. Most of a leg. After the hospital, Sam brings him home, and they figure out how to live with what remains.

gen, dean-centric: To Repair Broken Men by procrastin8or951 (2015, 3.1k, T) Dad and Sam keep fighting. Dean can't fix his family, so he fixes things around the crappy apartment they are staying in.

dean/michael: our hour came round at last by orphan_account (2015, 1.8k, NR, pwp) "I want to be inside you," says Michael, low and velvet and hungry and that really shouldn't turn Dean on but it does.

dean/lucifer, dean/cas: exploratory by sp8ce (2022, 4.9k, E, non-con) One night, Castiel proposes he and Dean have sex. Except it's a little more complicated than that.

dean/cas: for a healthy heart by Askance (2013, 2.4k, T) A strange black box appears in Castiel's bedroom one afternoon.

gen, sam&dean: charmer & gentle by Askance (2015, 3.7k, G, outsider pov) The afternoon girl calls them Big and Tall, the strangers who come in late every now and then, buying this or that. The night girl doesn't think those names fit quite right.

dean/cas, past sam/dean: whose wings, though tattered, shall carry me home by fleshflutter (2009, 2.2k, T) There is a breeze moving across the field. It stirs the long grass in lapping waves like the sea. Castiel runs his fingertips through it and remembers flying.

[twochildreninamoteldemo]

what’s on your personal list of “must reads” for wincest? i have a feeling you’ve got good taste

- @spn2006

i wouldn't necessarily say i have a must-read list as in everyone has to read something, because everybody has different taste, especially when it comes to sam and dean's dynamics (both sexual and otherwise), but the fics that i would heartily recommend that fall into my reading of supernatural (or adjacent to it) go as such, keeping in mind that I am a samgirl, pretty much only care about early seasons, and enjoyer of the family horror of the show:

The Ballad of the Invisible Boy + Two Headed Boy by @dollyluxed

If i had to pick any fic as a must-read for a samgirl cestie, this would be the one. the yearning and desperation speak deeply to the isolation of samdean's youth, especially how sam feels it, and dollylux isn't afraid to get inside the beast of teen angst, which makes it feel really lush and visceral. the 90s nostalgia is excellent (disclaimer: i was born after the 90s, but it made me feel like i was there without being corny), and the way the story is told through several vignettes feels a lot like the show itself. these kind of snapshot short films of how samdean's codependency develops through this unspoken tension over the years. the stanford era portion has a scene i think about every time i listen to joni mitchell (check out the soundtrack for this duology too; it's excellent), and the season 1 section ties together the story in a way that fits well with the show. a slow burn, really beautiful story, and i love the illustrations. i would also recommend dollylux's shorter works for amazing smut:)

@applecrumbledore 's fanficography

The first of Roni's fics I read were "Dream fuckery" and "Drywall dust" (the latter the first of a 4-part preseries story), and the balance of angst, sexual tension, and humor blew me away. It keeps the tone of supernatural, which a lot of fics don't (which is fine), but this was super cool in that it felt extremely natural, and very fun to read. I haven't been updated in all my fanfic reading lately, but I loved the beginning of Pine Sweat, their time travel fic, and "try asking," their pov outsider fic, is fucking hilarious and exhilarating. they have lots of creative ideas from preseries to late seasons and it never gets old!

Gospel Truth by @cowboyified

A case fic with an accute sense of shame embedded within angst, a really great sense of description, and perfectly inspired by art by @thegoodthebadandtheart for the reverse bang a couple years ago. the aesthetic of both frauke's work and the fic itself feel real, both the openness of the great plains and the claustrophobia of incestuous pining. definitely a modern classic.

"Buy You a Mockingbird" by candle_beck

the dark pov outsider fic to crown all others. candle_beck is an amazing writer and i also recommend all their work, but this one in particular stands out because of the horror of the dramatic irony of the story--what the reader knows, but the pov character does not. it's incredible to see everything unfold, and a realistic if bleak interpretation of another classic trope (which i won't name for spoiler's sake).

"Other Brothers" by @homo-pink

another incredible pov outsider fic with this beautiful sense of empathy and also a hint of adrenaline thrill. sam's cheeky and sassy and smart, and dean's cute and so in love. pov outsider weecest has the potential to be disturbing or sweet, and while this teeters the line, i think it falls into the latter category in a way that doesn't feel too saccharine.

"Three Days on the Rack" by keerawa, read by Reena Jenkins

I'd highly recommend listening to this via podfic! reena is great and there's a lovely cello cover of fade to black by metallica that plays in the interlude. anyway, the fic is an orpheus and eurydice-adjacent story about sam trying to get dean out of hell--but it's a torture fic. i love the way it describes hell, i love the way we see dean in the depths of alistair's apprenticeship, i love sam's strength. another gorgeously dark gem.

"Skin Like Fear" [orphaned]

I can't speak much on this one because I don't remember it super well, but it's a take on samdean after sam's hell trauma, something not very touched on by the fandom, and the horror is super well done, it's a great fic. obviously dark, deals with rape aftermath, proceed accordingly.

"show me again, shame takes hold" by objectlesson

if you can't tell yet, i really love preseries fics. this one is a lesbian femchesters AU, butch dean i love u foreverrrrrr. as you can tell by the title, more angst, more shame, etc etc. i was catholic what can i say. there's a lot about the ambiguity of sexuality and gender in this fic too.

and that's it! some of my other favorites are "Tomcat," the Caged Desires series, "The Truth in His Bones," and Brothers, but those i wouldn't necessarily rec on a wide basis because the first one is specifically about transmasculinity, and the second 3 deal with dom!dean/sub!sam dynamics in a pretty sharp way that everyone may not sit with right. that being said they're wonderful and sexy (and the last two, rather sad). let me know what u thought of this list!

[angelsdean]

hi!! i've spent the better part of my morning browsing through some of your tags, and i just wanted to tell you how much i enjoy you posting about young dean / queer dean and how it makes me so genuinely happy to read your thoughts on the matter (that i generally completely agree with btw). dean being well aware of his sexuality from the start is one of the most important aspects of the show for me at the moment.

i don't want to write a whole poem in your inbox but i am having so many Thoughts! my personal interpretation is that dean had already pretty much come to terms with his sexuality pre stanford era, and was actively and deliberately seeking dudes in his late teens (esp when he was away from sam and john and maybe had a chance to feel more free and unrestrained). i completely understand why people look at him and think '🫵 repressed' (i did too) but to me its so much more interesting and compelling and it adds so much more to his character to imagine him growing into his queer identity so comfortably (i love to think that, despite eveything, there was a part of himself that he didn't completely hate or reject, does this make sense?). also as you said, being repressed is def not the only reason why a person might have to suppress/not be loud about their sexuality. we don't talk about this nearly enough!! i NEED to read headcanons and fics and metas and see art about young queer dean!

hi Mila! oh wow thank you so much 💖 young queer Dean is so important to me too!

I love Stanford Era so much because it's really this time where I see Dean being at his most free, but also most lonely. And I think he's trying to make connections, and trying new things, and really getting to be. And I also love the idea of teen Dean carving out these pockets for himself too, when John is away, or when Dean gets sent away :( :( :(

I think Dean started figuring out pretty early on that he was "different." I wrote this little fic a while back exploring some aspects of Dean's gender + sexuality throughout the years, I haven't revisited it in a while and I feel like some of my thoughts may have changed but it's still a really special fic to me.

Lately, I've also been working on another little fic set during the summer Dean is 14. He and Sam are staying at Bobby's and while the fic is centered around something else, there are small moments where we see Dean's budding awareness of his sexuality. (There's a cute boy at a produce stand and a hot lifeguard at the community pool and lots of magazine clippings of Harrison Ford and Patrick Swayze---he just wants to be like them, ok!) And it's like he's aware but he also can't really look at those feelings directly yet. (Also the art you made recently of young Dean "figuring it out" is so near and dear to my heart!!)

Then I have two Stanford Era time-travel WIPs (hiiii Cas!) And oh boy. This guy is SO GONE on Cas from the jump! And that's what I love so much about Stanford Era Dean (or well, my Stanford Era Dean), is that he's just in such a free point in his life, and so open to new experiences. He's not freaking out abt his immediate attraction and infatuation with Cas. In fact, where Older Dean (our Dean) is more...restrained, perhaps, in his feelings (not that he doesn't express them! i am team dean + his big feelings) but just that my personal interpretation re: the dean + his feelings for Cas timeline has him thinking / convincing himself that Cas doesn't feel the same way for him in the later seasons. So this Older Dean has kind of just, accepted that fact. And is trying not to wear his heart on his sleeve so much (and not really succeeding at all). But Stanford Era Dean? Oh no no no. He is a little shit stirrer and a smitten kitten and is both immediately clocking the situationship-and-mututal-feelings happening between Dean and Cas (it's so obvious to everyone on the outside looking in) AND he's actively flirting with Cas and just lighting up under any and all attention from him (because he's also so so lonely. and touch-starved. and craving affection).

Anyways, all this to say, I am always here to talk abt young queer Dean / Stanford Era Dean !!! I'd love to hear more of your headcanons too💞

[according2thelore]

2023 top five!

@preseriesdean thought it would be fun for artists/authors/creators to post their favorite five creations this year, and i agree! it can be anything: your favorite posts, fics, art, edits, fanvids, anything!

i saw some folks turning this into a tag game, so here are some tags! @deanwinchesterpregnant @dyed-red @mercette @crucifysam @weirdbrothers @togethertogethersoulmates @pookeenpie

if you end up doing it, pls tag me! i'd love to see y'all's works! :)

-lizzy

so in no particular order, here are the five fics i liked the best/am the most proud of!

considering that everything i’ve written on this account (240k words of it good lord) was published since february 23rd, i’ve got a lot to work with!

i was in the fandom back in 2012-2013 until 2016-2017, and when i rewatched it recently with some friends, i realized just how many words and feelings had been broiling since. i wrote a LOT for spn back in the day (not published, just for the pure joie de vivre), but everything on the ao3 is completely new since feb!

1. tell me, why are you still so afraid?

or, the "what do you want, sam?" fic. this one might be a surprise! it did moderately well, but i'm really happy with it! i love writing weechesters/pre-series, and i hope this fic did them justice! it hit a lot of points i liked, and i had so much fun writing it!! i'm proud of it! :)

2. you're pretty when you don't speak

or, sam's wife pov. i was shocked!!! aghast!!! frankly agog!!! at how much folks loved this one! i had the idea in the shower of all places, lmao, just the idea that wait, being sam's wife must be so lonely. it was not the usual fare (and written in second-person pov), so i was expecting it to gently and quietly flop. but no! i wrote this fic in two sittings at one a.m. the night before a paleopathology exam, so i'm shocked any of it was coherent in the morning. thank you, dear reader, if you interacted w it at all! :)

3. romans 3:10-11

ahh, romans. to other folks that write, this was one of those fics that scratched in my bones until i sat down and wrote it all out. does that sound pretentious? it was stifling; it was all i could think about. even now, i look back on it and feel like there are things that are missing, extended scenes and extra themes that i wished i had teased out. the response was overwhelming and positive and i'm so glad you lot liked it! if you ever want more...idk...lemme know...

4. we didn't get it right, but love we did our best

or, the Heaven fic! this one took awhile to make, and a lot out of me to do! it's the longest fic i've made this year, by a lot! the planning process was a lot of fun (even though charlotte was mostly asleep), and i even colour-coded themes and turning points i wanted to include. the sense of accomplishment when it was done was a great part of this year!

5. there's no such thing as a clean break, when your heart starts bleeding out

or, the stanford!era fic where dean bleeds out on the highway and decides to not tell sam about it. one of my favorite things to write is a character getting more and more out of it as they lose control (or blood), and this one was a fun challenge! i love stanford!era dean, because he's so mangled and angry and sad. i feel like that one tweet that william shatner posted where he said ELECTROCUTE HIM!!! this also feels the most like the things i wrote back in 2014, so it brings nostalgia :,)

this was WAY harder than i thought! i loved and was so proud of so much of my work this year! a top ten would be easier, but i'm happy with this list!

thank YOU for reading! :)

we are holding hands now and there's nothing you can do to stop it. y'all keep this up and we might even have to stare lovingly into each other's eyes.

[ltleflrt]

oh lol, I finished watching HB like last week, but i haven't dipped into fandom yet so i didn't realize this comparison was something being done elsewhere as well! Mostly im rewatching the episodes. Honestly to me, the comparison is a bit superficial and has more in common with earlier/mid-season canon trope buckets and how the characters are written in AU fics, rather than how they are like in later seasons of SPN. (the DeanCas dynamic shifted a lot over 12 yrs imo!)

Most superficial thing - the Stolas-Cas owl /headtilt connection. 🦉😂 But Stolas is also a deeply lonely but repressed and dutiful member of a provileged higher class / 'better' group of beings, where he never quite fit in despite being well-placed. It was a meeting with Blitz that put his entire life into a different trajectory, where he finally started to feel things and question his previous life, and ended up forsaking that old perfect life for associating with a guy from a 'lower' class of beings, that he faces derision from his peers for. He is naive to the ways of the world, but willing to learn, even as he is often quite unintentionally derogatory about imps. (this often happened with early Cas) He also has a strong love for his child and a strong connection to the identity of being a father, even though that journey is rocky. He seems to have grown up alone and yet part of a innumerable nameless horde of siblings with a largely absent father, and it is later revealed that the fascination of Blitz and his doubts and unhappiness actually predates the supposedly "first" meeting when they started associating.

The relationship in the beginning is transactional (though in very different ways for both ships), but slowly and surely evolves beyond that. Stolas, despite being much for powerful in supernatural ways, Blitz's is often the one taking the lead and Stolas let's him. Even as Blitz secretely actually thinks Stolas is completely out-of-his-league and is just putting up with him, because he's the toxic guy who everyone leaves if they have a choice and only puts up with if they have to. Then there's the growing up in a nomadic lifestyle with a not-so-great dad, and dead mom in a fire! Right now you could consider the Barbie Wire and Blitz relationship in the Stanford-era!Sam and Dean zone, but clearly Blitz has very strong feelings about his sibling with whom he was close growing up.

lol I was in the tags 5 minutes after the last episode, looking for fanart to reblog. If you want to dip your toes in, I recommend blocking some tags, because the fandom and ship tags are full of antis who need to go watch a different show because they really hate this one and I don't understand why they're still here? Go touch grass, folks. But at least they're pretty good at tagging their hate. I've blocked "anti stolitz", "stolitz critical", "anti vivziepop", and "vivziepop critical" and that seems to have caught most of it.

Thanks for coming back with an explanation! That's way better than the posts I'd seen about it, and I think you're right about the parallels. I think my mental block on it comes from the fact that I ship them for different reasons.

Dean and Cas are reluctant allies at first who become close friends, and there are things keeping them from moving past that. They're always dealing with world ending events that take priority over their own personal drama, and they both fundamentally misunderstand each other's love languages and think things are one sided. I ship them in a star crossed lovers kinda way.

Blitz and Stolas are interesting to me specifically because it started out as a fucked up bargain where Stolas was using Blitz for kinky sex, and Blitz was Not Into It. The power imbalance and dubcon was HOT. And when I found out that Stolas was married too, I was like aw yeah, this guy's a bag of dicks, and he's shoving them into all of Blitz' holes.

Delicious toxicity mmmm.... And then...AND THEN...it's slowly revealed that they both want something more, and Stolas only made the deal because he thought that was the only way he could get Blitz to come back. And it didn't even occur to Blitz that Stolas could feel anything for him because of their class differences.

In the episode that ends with Blitz going "he can get hurt?" with shock and confusion, omg I about fell off the couch. Because on the surface he's talking about physical injuries, but in subtext he's talking about Stolas getting his feelings hurt too. *chef's kiss* ugh it's so fucking good.

Come to think of it, you could make that another Destiel parallel, since Dean doesn't think Cas is capable of feeling romantic love. Now that you've given me a few points of entry, I'm going to start connecting dots all over the place lol

[goshen-applecrumbledore]

Thank you for saying that about Stanford era Sam! I say that alllll the time. He would have been so traumatized and just plain sad about the fight with John and Dean. And Jess is shown as the pretty, popular, outgoing girl. I have trouble believing someone in Sam’s mental state with his past would be in a relationship with her. (His good looks could only do so much!) I mean just picture him trying to connect with his peers, and whenever normal life stuff comes up how can Sam offer anything or understand their lives? In conclusion: Sam would have been a depressed and anxious weird guy.

yeah exactly!! glad it resonates with you. regardless of what kind of a father you think John was, sam objectively had a rough childhood. Dean too, but I'm thinking specifically of Sam's lines about not knowing if dean and john would come home safe from a hunt, and having to think of what he'd do if he were alone in the world. those wounds don't heal easy!

even outside of that. a tiny tiny microcosm of what Sam must have gone through is: I come from a tiny family. both my parents are immigrants, they had no friends, holidays were just us, etc. and my husband comes from a giant family who all live here or in the next province and are bursting with rural hospitality. and it has taken me 5 years to just START to not be such an awkward freak around them!! because I'm not used to rural hospitality!! I don't know what it's like to do farm chores or to let people do favours for you! it was a learning curve, and I didn't even get dragged around the country in my formative years by my pseudo-vigilante father who was hell-bent on revenge against a demon. you know??

all that to say: it's difficult to fit into a space you have zero relation to. somebody would be like "man my grandma smothers me, she's so nosy when we go over there" and Sam would be like.... "I KNOW about this from TV but I don't have grandparents." or somebody would complain about their parents making them get a job to pay for their first car, and Sam would think, "my dad would never let me drive in a separate car. we LIVED in our car." etc etc. no points of relation. which I think would make him dark and anxious and weird, always over-thinking the right thing to say to seem normal, keeping track of his innocuous 'I lived a normal life' type of lies!!!! it's great. I can't see it any other way for him. he definitely slept with weapons in his room for a good couple of years.

[theangiediary]

omg Angie that was exactly what i meant and i loved it! I also adore Lebanon's favourite "are they?aren't they?" couple and imagining samdean co-parenting is such a delight. "If the baby looked like Sam, Dean would have like 12 disorders" got a laugh but it's so true i don't know how he'd handle it. It's similarly what makes me also like the idea of Dean having to deal with a deaged Sam just to see how gobsmacked he'd be. (Also those mommy recs? For a friend? 👀)

1. Oh good I’m glad it resonated! Truly, Dean would be against those baby chest carriers until the little guy was born, and then he’d not only constantly be wearing him strapped in, he’d also have one arm wrapped around at all times. Also that baby would not have a nursery, Dean would put the crib in their bedroom so he could be as close as possible, sit on the rocking chair at night just staring (Sam gets it, at least enough not to press the issue).

2. About A Boy with deaged Sammy: they’d have to end the show right there! Dean would run off into the night with itty Sammy, let some other hunter deal with the missing people. (/hj, I don’t actually remember what their relationship was like prior to that ep, all I know is it was VERY funny to me that they had a solution to the mark but Sam was like 🥺 “I am not baby?? no more Big Bro? Unacceptable.”  

3. Fic Recs

Haha, well! So many flavors... I’m throwing a huge mixed bag here, read what sounds interesting, skip what doesn’t.

Vice and Wish by thatsakitkat (incomplete, ABO A!Sam/O!Dean, 42k)

One of my all time favorites. It’s a little OOC, but Sam’s uh, canonical entitlement toward Dean/Dean’s body and resources is so so sexy. Cockblocking him, spending his money, joining him in Dean’s subconscious against Dean’s protests. Spn was allergic to having a consistent stance on souls, but if you largely view soulless!Sam as Sam without empathy, then.. Yeah. I think the Sam in this fic/universe is realistically ruthless in getting what he wants (a baby in Dean).

(Taste Every Fruit by the same author doesn’t have pregnancy, but is a lactation fic and uhh. Quite good.)

Nesting orphan_account (ABO A!John/O!Dean, 12k)

It’s been a minute since I read this, but I remember it being sweet, in a conservative fantasy way. Stanford era. Forced retirement. Small town. Also slightly OOC but like above, comes with the universe.

homebody by hellhoundsprey (ABO A!Jared/O!Jensen (background Jared/Ruth and Jensen/Tahmoh, 18k)

Listen, if you’re hesitant about rpf, this author writes it very much “vaguely inspired by the PR personsona of X”. People have been fantasizing about celebrities forever, heck, the SPN cast joke about rpf at cons. 

Anyway. Great fic. Darling sex kitten/tease and “Trying to be good” dynamic.

Share the Spoils Ch 2 by vintagedean (Fem!Dean/Sam, 2k)

Recently published, Deanna finding out if she’s pregnant and what she and Sam can do if that’s the case. Pushy teen Sam, distracted Deanna. "John's looming shadow" deserves its own character tag.

the need to choose by deadlybride (Hal!Dean/Sam, 3k)

Canon (post s7) divergence. The author has this halman universe which is similar to ABO but not quite; Dean’s something like an omega but not ✨feminine 👧🌷. Still, one of the things that the author does is realistic sex descriptions/pretty explicit naming of body parts: Dean has a clit, cervix, etc. Explores what having a baby would mean for them, in the context of SPN’s vessel plotlines. Sad, longing, open ended.

They Think I'm Possessed by deandatsgay (Dean/John, Dean/Sam 27k)

No pregnancy; Dean raised as Sam’s mom (thus inclusion in this list). Dark, dirty bad wrong porn. I love it.

[casmybelovedass]

So we talking 15x07 specifically tonight I see

Can we talk about how they for real slapped Dean AND us in the face with that episode?

We get to see Dean in his high-school-girl drama phase full on eating junk food while watching TV weirdly on the bed after his boyfriend left

And he pulls a "I don't need no man" and goes out for a case and ACCIDENTALLY BUMPS into what is clearly hinted to be a fucking EX BF/CRUSH/HOOKUP from one of the darkest periods of his life (I know for a fact stanford era dean was ever so fucking miserable) who shows his just how great his life could be if he retired

And that's where I get fucking mad.

Because that's all Dean wanted. To retire and live his final WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN like 50 years with the people he loved, in a house with a room to call his own and a kitchen he could use to make food for his family to enjoy and not to try to survive

Amd in he end the dream js revealed to be exactly that. A dream. Because Lee stole that life from innocent people for over a decade, living in constant fear and stress and anxiety over the monster he was keeping hidden. Don't even get me started on what that symbolises

And here Dean is when Dean loses the last bit of hope for normality he had. Cuz even when they were about to get rid of Chuck, he wasn't looking at it with the "toes in the sand" retirement dream he was before. He was looking at it like another apocalypse mission

They showed us what Dean could have been.

Happy, surrounded by people who loved him, free, open, living the dream. And then they poured gasoline on it and burned everything

And the whole shit with Lee? The bi lighting? Dean completely ignoring/turning down a hot texan waitress who had been eating him with her eyes since he walked in? THE ORGIES TALK?!?!!

Honey. What the fuck was that.

AND to top it all of, once it's done and Dean has had his lonely hours of the car to think about how much of a dumpster fire of shit the world is, and what a monster he is for killing once again someone he loved, CAS is back and Sam is hurt and he has now to deal with it while still trying to process the fact he will not be truly resting ever

What the fuck

[mlobsters]

supernatural s13e18 bring 'em back alive (w. brad buckner, eugenie ross-leming)

charlie? really? ok. her exit was horrendous so maybe this is trying to make up for that but the reunion tour of this era is making me real tired

CASTIEL Dean is in Apocalypse World, alone? SAM No, he's with Ketch, so he's not alone. CASTIEL Because that makes it so much better. SAM Cass, he wanted to go solo. CASTIEL And you let him? SAM I... He didn't give me much of a choice. Anyways, Dean's right. As long as he's over there, and we're here, we need to be taking care of Gabriel, getting him right again.

oh please, cas, like you're any better at it :p unless you just force-sleep everyone

cas, perhaps give sam more than 10 seconds of talking to gabriel before declaring it a lost cause. surprise surprise trying to force feed the clearly very traumatized gabriel grace back garnered a bad reaction. why are they having cas be an ass now suddenly. speight looks so tiny all huddled up compared to cas and sam

(forgot/don't care about the lucifer and danneel situation quite honestly)

jackles what was THAT. the most ridiculous fall. the backpack being yeeted 10 feet and the legs windmilling for no reason

great. of course.

KETCH Now then... this will smart. There we are. Good lad. Good lad. Good lad.

ok. i follow a horse rider in wales who is always saying 'good lad' to her horses in the same manner lol. okay this is too much. i'll just include both scenes in the clip

so first thing. i really like the sound design of cas doing his whatever in gabriel's head. we get the ringing associated with "enochian" yeah whatever bros. and also the background static along with the like, waves of something too far away so it's just more garbled static. worst description ever. imagine you're in a car driving across the country and you're trying to find a station but you're in the middle of bumfuck nothing. anyway, it's subtle but it's a nice touch. even if i think the execution of angel radio generally is kinda goofy, i like the angel radio can't find a station situation

secondly, i'm really not sure what they're trying to sell us here with this dean and ketch scene. the good lad'ing aside, there's also so some sort of weird eye contact moments that seem weirdly hot and heavy for these characters in this situation. it feels like they're trying to sell me on ketch and dean bonding and i'm 🙅 i can only stow so much baggage (like hey cas for example, that one doesn't stay stowed very well admittedly [i hold a grudge for the bad things he did but try not to because they don't]) I'M OUT OF ROOM. it's not rehabbing john winchester levels of 🚫 but it's up there.

SAM Gabriel, you have to dig yourself out of this hole. Look, I know you think it's safer inside. No more torture. No more pain. No more expectations. I've been there. You were nothing like your family. You sure as hell weren't like your dad. Me either. And just like you, I got out. Or I-I thought I got out. But then... then my family needed me. And this is my life. No matter how many times I tried to fight it, this is what I was put here to do. This is where I make the world a better place. And sure, yeah, hookers in Monte Carlo sounds great, but your family needs you. Jack, your nephew, needs you. The world needs you. We need you. Gabriel, I need you. So, please, help us.

oh my god this episode has too many moments i want clips of. this fucking speech sam is making is RIDICULOUS and now we got this swelling mushy music via horns so it feels vaguely like. militaristicor star wars, to go with the rousing THE WATERS RECEDED speech (jay gruska episode)

thank you for the john w shade, you know i'm always here for it esp since i just bitched about the show's attempts at rehabbing him over the years :p also, wonder what the "got out" is referring to - an actual stanford mention? rarities this day in age.

also like, why is everyone so mad at gabriel? give him more than a few hours? this is a whack ass episode, man. and ALSO, sam's impassioned and emotional, "i need you" like what is going on right now? what do they need gabriel for so badly? generally having a strong ally? i've lost the plot here.

i am really not here for dean reliving his manpain over the frustrating and maddening original killing of charlie as some bonding experience with mr ketchup.

gabriel killing asmodeus, ketch staying behind with charlie, and in fact they only weepily needed gabriel to fight with them and big surprise he wasn't interested and bailed. and no grace to make another portal. whatever, man. dean got to have a little temper tantrum over being stymied again (i get it, but i also flinch [and panic] when someone explodes like that)

[chiisana-sukima]

happy wincest wednesday!! you are clearly a big Sam fan. what is your favourite Sam arc to read wincest fic during and why? is it canon or fanon stuff that makes it so good?

Happy wincest wednesday, thank you for the ask! Weirdly enough, specifically as to fic, I don't think I really have a favorite arc to read from, or even a favorite viewpoint or character. In relation to canon and meta, I'm very Sam-focused, and in writing I'm moderately sam-focused (although I love writing Dean too), but when I think back to my favorite wincest/gencest fics to read, they're from wildely across the board in regards to pretty much everything.

I guess I would say my favorite arc is "angst" lol and since there's plenty of that from pre-canon all the way through the last minutes of the show, I have a ton of choices. I like best when the characters are desperate and conflicted and bravely trying to pretend they're fine about stuff they're not even a tiny bit fine about, so both Sam and Dean's post-hell arcs are a delicious meal for me, and Stanford era is also often especially tasty. But it's really more a matter of what a particular author does with their story than specific plot arc for me, and when I think about what fics I'd bring to a desert island, only one of them is from either of those periods (Big Pink's Fire in the Hole, which is Stanford era but ironically doesn't contain any Sam).

[zmediaoutlet]

I'm a big fan of your spn work and there is SO much of it, so I was wondering: what are a few of your personal favorites fics you've written (and why are they your faves!) to give me a place to start?

Wow, that's an interesting question! I don't know quite how to respond -- I mean, you could go to my works page and sort by kudos, I guess, and you'd see what other people think, haha. And sometimes my favorite fics of mine are just the most recent ones, because they reflect how I'm currently thinking about the canon/characters -- but sometimes my favorite fics are the ones that I think are a little different. So I guess it just... depends on what you're after. I'll pick five of the spn-verse ones that aren't J2, I guess, just to be going on with -- and this is with the understanding that I don't really believe in 'favorites', haha --

to dream of the next - wincest. This is the one where Sam's been pining for so long that he doesn't really have the strength to pretend he isn't, anymore. It was fun to write Sam's stripped-down weariness here, but it's also interesting to see Dean through Sam's semi-oblivious eyes -- where Sam's so certain that they can't move to that next stage that he can't see Dean seeing him, so to speak. Plus I think some of the writing is pretty. I like the middle section best, I think.

won't let you let me down so easily - Sam/Brady, Sam/various. This is the one where a possessed Brady makes Sam get gangbanged by a bunch of unscrupulous frat boys. Definitely inspired by a fratx video, lol, but -- despite the fact that it's 'just porn' and it was definitely written for a donator who likes to see Sam raped and so it didn't really matter too much if the premise for why was rich -- I really ended up enjoying writing Brady's headspace. He's a weird character and it was fun to make this work for *him*, even as Sam dwindled away into object. If you're not into the rapey bit then the first half might at least be interesting to you, for Brady's POV.

asceticism - wincest. If you click and see 'watersports' and rear back, I would urge you not to -- unless it's a like Oh No Gross squick, lol. I really think some of the internal thought processes I wrote for Dean here are about the best I've done. Charity fics/specific prompts are interesting to write because the restrictions given by the prompt create a fertile space for creativity. A lot of people have said that they enjoyed it despite the piss, lol -- that's because it's not about the piss, at all, it's about the mindset that makes the piss possible. I feel very tender for Dean here.

someday we'll go all the way (let's play two series) - Dean/Deacon, gencest. This is the second of my Dean/Deacon stories -- the first one makes an entirely-possible-inside-canon space for Dean/Deacon to have happened; this second one posits an AU where Dean stays at Deacon's house for most of the Stanford era, and when Jessica dies then Sam has to come out to Arkansas to find him. I really like the feel of this story. The Sam POV section is probably my favorite but I appreciate seeing Dean and Deacon's POVs as well -- in part because it does still feel possible, and still fits in the rest of the show's world. Plus it's always nice to give Dean someone who loves him. He doesn't have enough of those.

Elegy, wincest, Dean/John. One of my 'full house of wincest' stories -- that is, a canon-feeling Dean and Sam relationship that nevertheless includes Dean/John somewhere in the background. My general fhow tag is kind of a guide to how I think about the D/J relationship in canon -- I guess I'll tag it on this post if you feel like clicking through on my blog -- but it's really most interesting to me for how it affects Sam and Dean in their present. This fic is all about that. Dean's prickly terror-shame-defiance is really accurate, I think, to early s2 -- Sam's slightly misguided sympathy/pity is accurate to his own early s2 vibes, haha -- but I like particularly how this fic uses the D/J moment to aaalmost violently reframe 'nice' wincest, the Sam/Dean that we've all bought into, into something bad and unhealthy. I mean, I don't like 'family horror show' blogging very much, but hell. It doesn't take much to skew the relationship we see into something very awful.

...anyway. Those are a few that I guess I'd point to if you want to get a vibe of me-as-a-writer. I didn't include any of the mildly popular ones, haha. But if you ever have an opinion on any of it, o anonymous friend, I'd love to hear your thoughts either here or in a comment! Looks like I've got 164 'just' spn fics so I guess there's a lot to choose from, but some of those less-read ones have a little something going for them. I hope! :)

[twochildreninamoteldemo]

What's your most samdean flower face song(s)? I don't know them but maybe I should.......

YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD!!! if you liken nicole dollanganger and ethel cain to samdean, i think you'll like flower face as well.

sorry im answering this so late but here are some good songs to start with!

baby teeth - this was the first song of hers i heard, and it's both pining and youthful. very much giving weecest, with an volatile angry sam (baby teeth is also the name of the album and in fact the entire project is very spncore)

honey and milk - early seasons angst, sam leaving for stanford/in scarecrow/etc etc. for awhile i actually read it as more deanjohn, with john being the one that keeps leaving. also muses on an absent god, which is very in line with spn's themes

hangman's hands - you should just listen to this one because there's just so many ways to go about it, but it's also very early seasons (everything i like is, let's be real)

tell me when it hurts - there's literally a line that says "i want to crawl into your skin," enough said.

always you - stanford era-season 1 vibes

cornflower blue - destructive, violent codependency (i'm actually working on a comparative/screencap edit with this song rn lol)

jupiter - another codependency song, but sweeter/fluffier

back to you - sam and dean's constant fights and reunions, the struggle of not becoming your father, the line "i never learned to grow up right, but this is who we are" haunts me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[loserchildhotpants]

questions for fic writers 1, 2, 15, 16, 23, 37, & 41 (if you want)

questions for fic writers

What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (in other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

Hmm. I guess it depends on who's asking! I've written like... 200 fics???? I think maybe Seeing Wolves (Where There Are No Wolves) on my loserchildhotpants account is a good introduction to like... my writing style? I guess? And it covers my most used tropes; slow burn, mutual pining, love confessions, eventual smut, etc etc.

That said, I think What Used to be Mine on my someonetoanyone account is probably a better example of what my writing has transformed into.

2. Go to your AO3 "Works" page, to the side bar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for "Additional Tags." What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

On my loserchildhotpants account the top 5 Additional Tags are: Fluff (111), Angst (91), Tumblr Prompt (71) [I'm not gonna count this one tbh], Romance (60), Humor (54) and First Kiss (5)

On my someonetoanyone account the top 5 Additional Tags are: Mutual Pining (12), First Kiss (9), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence (9), and Love Confessions (8)

and yeah, these are all p accurate - on both lists, the next one on the list would've been 'pining' lmao so a p accurate depiction!

15. What's your favorite AU that you've written?

Tbh my favorite AU that I've written isn't up yet -- I'm posting it in ~2 weeks and I don't wanna spoil it here, but... it fucks. This AU fucks. I'm so proud of it. It'll be on my someonetoanyone account - check back in w me then lol

16. What's an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?

So, first, I'm not big on AU's typically. I'm a basic bitch, i like canon-divergence best of all, and I don't usually stray outside that until I'm like, running out of things to read in the canon-divergent tags lol that said, a canon-divergent AU i NEVER get sick of (for my current fandom - destiel) is time travel fuckery. Older!Dean going back in time, meeting his younger self, or interacting w early seasons Cas, or Older!Cas going back in time and meeting Stanford Era!Dean, Stanford Era!Dean getting plonked into later seasons canon and meeting Cas at all -- it's delicious to me.

23. What's a trope, AU, or concept you've never written, but would like to?

Oh, so many. I'd like to try my hand at omegaverse (i've only read a handful in my LIFE that didn't feel weirdly transmisogynistic and over-the-top sexualized to the point that it had an opposing effect where it was suddenly sexless to me? I feel like i could mASTER IT AND GET IT RIGHT i just have no plot ideas yet lol), sex pollen something or other I'd love to do, I'd love to do a time travel fic of my own, I'd love to write a djinn dream fic, amnesia fic, murder husbands fic -- i wanna do all the things!!!

37. Promote one of your own "deep cut" fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!) What do you like about it?

hmmmmmm

On my loserchildhotpants account, I think June is the one I was most proud of that didn't get much feedback. And it's got all the hits for the reddie fandom! Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, First Kiss, it's Richie-centric and i was really proud of the pacing and imagery of June :( the only person to ever point out June to me was my friend Grace, and it made me SO happy to know at least one person remembered June by name and that it came to mind as a favorite ; _ ;

On my someonetoanyone account, I think So Tirelessly maybe deserved some more love ; _ ; i love writing endverse!destiel and i plan to write more of it in the future, but this fic was short and bittersweet and i enjoyed writing it. i was like 'oh yeah, this one's a banger' and then it didn't really draw attention lol

41. Link a fic that made you think, "wow, I want to write like that"

how do u expect me to stop at one

In a destiel rec that will shock absolutely no one, sobsicles' 'let's take a drive' changed my brain chemistry forever and tbh i had a Crisis after going through their entire AO3 bc i was like 'oh what is the point of writing actually when sobsicles is out there doing the damn thing this well i should just be quiet' sdkjfhskldjhf genuinely an amazing fic and writer

In a johnlock rec that WILL shock someone, 'The Quiet Man' by ivyblossom - it's 157k words and i could. not. put. it. down. and why is this shocking? it's in First Person POV and i usually can't handle First Person POV bc it personally gives me the cringe (godspeed to everyone enjoys it, i mean no offense, it's just not personally for me) but this fic Changed My Life and genuinely made me rethink how and what I write.

And in a final, spicy and unpredictable thorki rec that no one asked for, 'Find A Home,' by Aria and filiabelialis is... incredible. Listen, when you open the link, you'll see it's 107k words, DO NOT BE INTIMIDATED, GO READ IT, IT'S LITERALLY INCREDIBLE AND SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER STUDY SDJHFKSKDJHF PLSSSS

[bloodydeanwinchester]

Hello what are your fave fanfic tropes?

hi anon im sorry it took me a few days to answer this but i actually had to think quite a bit about it before i could answer. i can always tell whether im gonna like a fic when i read the summary but i never really put a lot of thought into what specific tropes are my favorites. the more i thought about it tho, the easier it was to see that i already knew what tropes were my favorites lol. anyway here's what i came up with:

angst with a happy ending - i am such a big fan of angst in fics! like give me all the angst please!! (also hurt/comfort i LOVE that shit). but also i realized recently that i really need there to be some happy moments wedged between all that angst or else i don't really have all that much fun. also the happy ending is NON-NEGOTIABLE.

mutual pining - god my favorite thing in fics is some really intense Y E A R N I N G. like when they're both pining so hard for each other but have no idea that the other feels that way about them too and for some reason they think they could NEVER be together? yeahhhh i love that like a lot.

canon divergence/fix-it fic/case fic - okay so while i loooove a good au, canonverse fics are my absolute favorites. the thing is that a big part of the reason why i love spn is because i love the spn world. and sometimes they did a shit job of writing it on the show so i reaaally love to see the way that fanfic writers take that world and make it better!

time travel shenanigans - okay im not gonna lie this one is like 99% because i love stanford era dean. but also the ones where we get to have two deans and get to watch dean being confronted by his older/younger self? AND ESPECIALLY YOUNGER DEAN GETTTING TO SEE HIS OLDER SELF BE SO LOVED soooooo fucking good. and it's not just about dean for me. we don't see this as much but i would love to see more of these fics including 2 cas's and cas having to be confronted by his older/younger self.

childhood friends to enemies to lovers - also just enemies to lovers in general but when they've got a past where they were best friends who were in love with each other but before they could become lovers something tore their friendship apart? yessss that shit is SO good

fake dating/marriage - these are just so fun especially when you've also got the mutual pining peppered in there.

[themegalosaurus]

Hello, its Stanford anon again. Sorry for assuming you were American ;A; But that makes sense, yes! Now I'm just thinking about how much effort Sam would have had to put in to be able to score scholarships for Stanford AND further maintain his grades to get that interview opportunity. I wish we had more Stanford era Sam lore from the show. Anyway thank you for the reply!!

Yeah, I am always interested in that idea of Sam at Stanford super-stressed and worrying about money. Dean (and probably John) have this idea that Sam left hunting for the easy life but I don't think it can have been very easy to be a student with zero family support at an expensive private university, where most of his classmates would have been much better-off than him and he would have had to cover his own accommodation through the vacations etc as well as all the things that even the best scholarship wouldn't account for. I imagine him working at least one job in addition to studying, which would have made it extra-difficult to keep his grades up, which he would (quite possibly) have been depending on to maintain his scholarship etc etc. The fact that Sam not only got into Stanford but also figured out the financials necessary to make it actually possible to go is extremely impressive to me!

(I have a few fics about Stanford-era Sam if you're interested: Pressure Bandage / Inbox (0) / Season's Greetings) (plus Student Bodies, a longer casefic that I wrote as part of the AU S16 some friends and I are putting together!)