#men aren’t and that’s why they are crying all over the internet

[brattylikestoeat]

Cuz who wants to go thru that for a man that don’t even like you and you are only a convince to him. They don’t wanna take care of the children they make, they don’t want to get married, they wanna go 50/50 but still lead the household, I could go on.

It’s literally not worth it for women to get married and have kids.

[thefoxholecast]

The Original Foxhole Court Extra Content (Archived from Nora Sakavic’s Tumblr)

We copied the following text directly from the pre-2024 version of the Foxhole Court Extra Content page on Nora Sakavic’s Tumblr blog (korakos.tumblr.com/fox). In March 2024, she did “some spring cleaning” by shortening the list of links and deleting/hiding old posts. The links in this copy lead to archived snapshots of the old posts on the Internet Archive Wayback Machine.

Some of the links are broken. If you have copies of these posts, please let us know so we can fill in missing content!

Because Tumblr only allows up to 100 links per post, we're unable to replicate the full list here. View the full list of links on our blog here: thefoxholecast.tumblr.com/FoxArchive

The Foxhole Court

ETA 2023: most of the posts here are from 2013-2015. Some of them overlap with older drafts. Some answers have evolved over time, even if they haven’t been updated here. Most I haven’t changed my mind on, for better or worse. Take ‘em or leave ‘em, and good luck making sense of ‘em around all the drunk rambling and detours. One day if I have the energy I’ll just sort it into a coherent reference.

~~

Two sections here: the questions submitted by tumblr users, and a miscellaneous collection of stories & factoids pulled from the oft-neglected blog. The questions aren’t in any particular order, though I did try to organize them by subject matter. Ish. Once the dust is settled a bit I’ll try to find a better sorting system. Also, the tumblr tag I use for questions is http://korakos.tumblr.com/tagged/foxhole-court-questions-and-spoilers

Lots of spoilers for The Foxhole Court ahead!

Preface: Why are Asks disabled in 2016?

COURTING MADNESS

—Exy Rules & Regulations

—Exy: A History of the Sport

—Palmetto State University

—The original “What Happens After King’s Men” post

—SON NEFES, the cousins’ freshman year through Renee’s eyes

——One . Two . Three . Four . Five

—Nicky Hemmick

—Seth Gordon

—Aaron Minyard

—Matt Boyd

—Kevin & Andrew

—David Wymack & the Monsters

—Wymack & Andrew re: Neil

—Dan Wilds is recruited to the Foxes *

—Allison through Dan & Renee’s eyes *

——pulled from an abandoned, unfinished book about the Foxes’ women

TUMBLR

NEIL

—Neil’s life on the run

—Do they ever celebrate Neil’s birthday?

—What if Neil told the truth earlier?

—Neil through the Foxes’ eyes

—Neil through Ichirou’s eyes

—Neil’s looks post-book and relationship with his reflection

—Does Neil ever talk to Bee?

—Neil’s millions

—Neil’s fight training

—Who’s Neil closest to beside Andrew

—Neil’s fashion style

—Cellphone ringtone

—Christmas/birthday presents for Foxes

—Does Neil ever cry?

—Neil’s lonely fifth year

—When Neil’s overwhelmed

—Does Neil crush on his teammates?

—Neil & Ichirou’s intimidation

ANDREW

—Andrew’s sober look at his teammates & Neil

—How did Andrew react to Cass’s letter?

—Andrew’s medication and the follow-up

—Has Abby seen Andrew’s scars?

—Andrew & Mama Bee

—Andrew & Roland

—How far has Andrew willingly gone?

—What animal figurine did Andrew buy Betsy?

—Andrew’s eye color

—Andrew’s opinion of the cats

—What’d Andrew say to Nicky in TKM?

—Andrew’s honest opinion of Exy

—Andrew’s thoughts on Neil’s binder

—Andrew and his sexuality

—If Andrew had met Neil’s mother

—Andrew’s thoughts on Neil’s sexuality

—Andrew’s fondest memory of Neil

—Andrew’s aforementioned withdrawal

—Do you think Andrew is really really really awesome?

—Proust and Andrew

—What happens to Proust?

—Andrew’s reaction to Neil’s bday blood

—Andrew on Neil eventually changing out

—Does Andrew get grumpy?

—Does Andrew get less dead inside?

—Does Andrew call Neil by his name?

—Why give the Foxes crackers?

—Andrew’s first choices in winning a fight

—Who liked knives?

—What got chopped from Drake’s arc?

—Does Andrew get off thinking about Neil?

—Post Andrew & Bee’s side story?

—When did Andrew start thinking Neil was interesting?

—Any other words he can’t stand?

—What does he think about nicknames?

—Explain Andrew’s fatal disease in the comic version

—Andrew’s canon mental state

—How did Andrew not know about Tilda’s abuse?

—Why punch Neil for “Sorry”, and when Andrew is sick

—What’s with Andrew and promises

—Andrew’s thoughts on Roland’s premature confession

—Andrew’s arrest

—Wanting nothing vs not wanting anything

—Why was Andrew laughing after Drake?

—If Neil had chosen Dan & Matt over Andrew

NEIL & ANDREW

—The other 10%

—Which teammate caught on first?

—Do Andrew & Neil go on dates?

—When did they first hold hands?

—When did Andrew clue in?

—Exites self-censure

—Betsy’s & Aaron’s reactions to the news

—Roland’s opinion of things

—The breaking point

—Who tops?

—On tying people up

—Their domestic life aka Sir Fat Cat

—I love you

—Andrew and the bed issue

—Nightmares

—Do they learn to talk to each other?

—Blaming Neil for Drake

—Andrew comforting Neil?

—Neil’s fondest memory of Andrew

—Neil getting Andrew off for the first time

—Neil seeing Andrew naked

—Neil & the sex how-to

—How was the first time

—Where’d it happen?

—When was their first hug?

—“I won’t let you let me be”

—Their roadtrips

—Neil waking Andrew up

—Andrew’s real smile

—How does Andrew show appreciation for Neil

—Their happiest moments

—Does Neil ever make Andrew laugh?

—Does Andrew take comfort in Neil

—Does Andrew get protective/possessive?

—Doesn’t Neil crave affection?

—Andrew re: Neil’s panic attacks

—Media reaction to Andrew/Neil

—Further reaction to Andrew/Neil

—On “accidentally” sitting in laps

—What if Andrew died?

—What if Neil died?

—Reaction to getting hit on by others

—Do they celebrate anniversaries?

—The first time Neil pushes Andrew down

FOXES

—How tall are the Foxes?

—Why is everyone so short?

—Where did their names come from?

—What were their majors?

—What do the Foxes look like?

—What are their Hogwarts houses?

—Reaction to the kidnapping

—Do Neil & Renee become friends?

—What did Allison do with Seth’s urn?

—Nicky’s evolution over the drafts

—Do the Foxes get their skiing trip?

—Does Andrew know Nicky kissed Neil?

—When did Aaron & Katelyn fall for each other?

—How did Andrew and Wymack end up handcuffed together?

—Kevin’s favorite things

—Kevin and Andrew’s on-court kerfuffle

—Dan’s haircut

—Dan & Matt’s relationship

—Dan & Matt’s first kiss

—Matt bouncing back from Columbia

—Matt rooming with the monsters

—The other what-if OT3 aka D/M/N and the dynamic

—Do Allison and Renee have the hots for each other?

—Matt forgiving his father

—Any mistletoe shenanigans?

—Thanksgiving and the Foxes

—Kevin’s best friend

—Janie Smalls

—How did Kevin and Thea meet?

—Foxes’ favorite ice cream flavors

—Kevin & Andrew’s on-court argument

—Foxes’ taste in music

—Kevin’s middle name & drink of choice

—Do Kevin & Neil want to kiss?

—Which Fox would Kevin kiss, then?

—Kevin’s best non-Exy memory

—Allison’s three bets

—Why is Allison’s middle name Jamaica

—Kevin, Andrew, and Neil staying friends

—“Joan of Exy”?

—Can the Foxes sing?

—Some of the Foxes’ previous bets

—Do Nicky & Allison become friends?

—Are Foxes based on RL people?

—Nicky when Neil asks about friendship

—Dan & the monsters in Columbia

—What if Kevin was killed?

—Renee and her near-death experiences

—More background available on Renee?

—Why doesn’t Aaron let the Foxes in?

—Team’s reaction to Drake, Andrew’s reaction to being outed

—Andrew & Aaron’s time with Tilda

—Does Aaron reconcile with Andrew over Tilda?

—Nicky & his parents after Drake

—Foxes thoughts in Baltimore

FOXES POST-TKM

—The Pro Teams

—The Weddings

—Neil as the Best Man?

—Kevin after TKM —Thea, Jean, Foxes, and Riko

—How does Kevin & Wymack’s relationship evolve?

—Renee after TKM

—Nicky after TKM

—Aaron after TKM

—Allison after TKM

—Dan & Matt after TKM

—Dan and the US Court

—Any pro-period scandals?

—Andrew & Neil’s relationship with their team

—Would Neil hold Matt’s children?

—Neil & babysitting the Foxes’ kids

—Which Fox’s child would curse first

THE FUTURE FOXES

—Who is Robin Cross?

—Neil and Jack

—Andrew’s reaction to Neil punching Jack

—Foxes’ reaction to Neil punching

—Kevin and Jack

—Neil’s new recruit

—Andrew and Jack

RIVALS

—Who is Riko Moriyama?

—Riko & Kevin’s evolving relationship

—More about Riko & Kevin’s past

—How did Riko break Kevin’s hand

—Riko’s brutality toward Jean

—Any draft where Riko wasn’t killed?

—Were Riko, Kevin, and Jean involved sexually?

—Does the Fox-Trojan rematch happen? Also how do the Trojans & Jean get along?

—Do Alvarez & Laila (Trojans) have backstories?

—Thea’s number & thoughts on Raven brutality

THE “ADULTS”

—Kayleigh Day & David Wymack

—Abby Winfield & David Wymack

—Wymack’s parents

—Did Wymack cry during the trilogy?

—Did Kayleigh know about the Moriyamas?

.

.

.

.

Nora & the Foxes

—Fancast and Andrew

—Changing opinion of Foxes over the years

—Bits of the scrapped K/N/A threesome here and here

—The KxAxN AU where Kevin died

—Will there be a sequel?

—What inspired you to develop Exy?

—Fox fanfictions, collected by coldsaturn

—Why a pseudonym?

—What came first, characters or story?

—Were you the artist of the comic version?

—What did the comic-Foxes look like?

—What do you do when you’re not writing?

[dirtywrestling]

He Doesn't Deserve You - Part 3 (18+)

Pairing: Seth Rollins x Female!Reader

Warnings: Smut, Wet Dream, NSFW, Scared!Reader, Worried!Reader, Traveling, Meeting Fans, Scary boss Stephanie McMahon, Stories about other superstars (They are actually true, so might be a trigger/shocking to you?) 18+ blog. I think that’s about it! hot shower smut, Minors DNI

Word Count:  1,771

Parts: One / Two / Four

Follow My Backup Blog!: @dirtywresling102

You grabbed onto the door handle, taking a deep breathe, knowing what was going to happen. Were you getting fired for having your personal life interfere with business? Possibly hitting Finn Balor like that would get you fired too, but he deserved it. You slowly turned the knob and opened the door, seeing Stephanie McMahon the one who runs Raw with her right hand man, Mick Foley.

“Y/n, sit.” Stephanie demanded, eyeing the chair across the desk. Swallowing hard you pulled up a seat across the two who work very hard to keep Raw’s rating up and entertaining.

“Y/n, do you know why we called you into our office?” Stephanie questioned, folding her arms and giving you a cold look.

“Because I uh, I attacked Finn?” You asked, fiddling your fingers. You were nervous, you worked too hard to get where you were at today and now it’s  all in the trash because a boy and a very stupid mistake. Your mother was right, men are no good.

“Yes, I don’t like it when my soon to be star of the roaster gets attacked by a jealous ex.” Stephanie growled out lowly. You couldn’t help but to frown.

“But Stephanie, Finn and I never dated. I… I.” You inhaled a breath and exhaled slowly. “I cheated on Seth with Finn.” You mumbled shamefully. You didn’t want to confess it to your boss, you didn’t want any more people knowing but somehow the whole roaster found out and so did the Wwe Universe. “Am I… Am I getting fired?” You squealed, forcing the words out as your throat was tightening up. You felt like you wanted to cry, your heart was pounding as you got cold sweats. “I didn’t mean for any of this, I didn’t mean to hurt Seth, I didn’t mean to offend this company, I didn’t mean to offend you two.” You explained, fresh tears streaming down your cheeks. You quickly wiped them, it was already bad enough that you were showing how weak you were, but at least they didn’t think you were some cold-hearted bitch.

“Y/n,” Mick began. “everyone in the roaster makes mistakes, Randy Orton was the youngest to hold the heavyweight championship, he let the power go to his head. He used drugs and cheated on his wife with many women while traveling, but with a little help he got back on the right track. Nikki Bella got breast implants and I know sometimes she regrets it. There’s so many mistakes everyone has made, I think I’ve listed enough since some are very private, like Mr. Orton’s story but it’s true. You just need a fresh start.” Mick explained, you knew he was a kind hearted man but you didn’t know where he was going with this.

“So, I’m not getting fired?” You asked, letting out breath. You quickly frowned. “I’m going to TNA, aren’t I?” You despised TNA, the company was sketchy as fuck and it didn’t help that they were kicked off the air and now have to film their events then publish it on the internet to keep ‘ratings’.

Stephanie couldn’t help but to laugh. “No, we would never send one of our superstars over there without their permission. We talked to my brother and Daniel about you transferring over to SmackDown. We were going to suspend you for a little while but my brother begged us to have you go on his show.” Stephanie shrugged, she didn’t know what her brother’s plans were for you and neither did Mick.

“So, I’m being transferred over to Smackdown?” You asked wanting to make sure if you heard everything right.

Stephanie nodded, her hands together. “This is your second chance, don’t mess this up or you will be fired.” Stephanie warned.

You nodded graciously, “Thank you, thank you for this second chance.”

“Don’t thank me, thank my brother.” She said. “Safe travels, they’re in Florida. They’ll be in North Carolina next week. Shane wants you to be there ready for the show.” Stephanie informed. You nodded at the new information and left with it.

You ignored people and their glares towards you, you quickly went to the women’s locker room, changing into your street clothes and leaving for North Carolina.

“Seth.” You giggled softly as he kissed your shoulder, his hands on your waist and started to rub up your body. “I’m trying to take a shower.” You squirmed in his grip as he made his way up your neck, kissing behind your ear. He knew just the right places that made you melt. His free hand came up to your wet breast, cupping it. You arched your back, pressing your bum up against his hardening cock.

“Fucking hell, y/n.” Seth moaned lowly, his right hand slowly running down your body and rubbing your clit in slow circles. Turning you around so now the warm water was hitting your back. He pulled you into a kiss. “Happy Valentines’ day baby, I love you so much.” He mumbled against your lips. “Come on, let’s take this to the bedroom.” He purred, his hands going down your wet body and gripping your ass. You couldn’t help but to giggle and kiss him once more but quickly pulled away, teasing him.

You quickly woke up, panting. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and trying to get your vision to focus. It was only a dream, you sighed heavily and popped your back. The back seats of the rental car was very uncomfortable. Since you didn’t make much money like the other wrestlers like Seth, Finn, Sasha and more you couldn’t afford to get a hotel every night, so were at a rest stop in North Carolina, you were close to arena where Smack Down was going to be taken place at. Looking around it was still dark, you grabbed your phone to see notifications from twitter, Instagram and a few texts messages from family. 5:37 am it read on top of your screen. The  sun was about to rise any minute. You grunted as you climbed out of the back seat of the car, sighing heavily as your panties were drenched. “Stupid emotions, stupid dream, stupid Seth.” You mumbled, you hated how you were so attracted to the man, but your heart couldn’t help it. He was your first serious relationship. Sighing you placed your bare feet on the cold concrete. You stretched your arms, letting out a tired moan. Rolling your shoulders, popping them and sighed out in relief. They weren’t wrong in NXT, how wrestling would damage your body.

You went to the back of the car, opening up the trunk and grabbed your things. You quickly brushed your teeth and put on your shoes. You changed your shirt but left your sweats on. You didn’t mind changing out in public, you had a bra on so it was okay,  you wrestled half naked for crying out loud. You ran your fingers through your h/c hair and sighed. Getting into your car and letting it run for a little bit. Soft music played out of the speakers, grabbing your phone you scrolled through the messages, lots of hate mail from fans about the whole Seth and Finn drama. You couldn’t believe that this was still going on, you just wish that it went away.

You checked your text messages and smiled softly to see you got one from your mom. ‘Hey honey, just checking in. I know you’re busy travel and all but you hardly check in anymore! I hope you are okay, kisses to you and Seth!’ She sent a kissy face emoji after. You frowned when you read the last part of the text. Kisses to you and Seth. Man, you really haven’t checked in lately to tell her the news about Seth. You bit your lip, debating if you should text her back or not. ‘She’s your mother, you better reply.’ Your subconscious was screaming out. You sighed, resting your head on the steering wheel, you didn’t know what to say.

‘Hey mom, sorry I’ve been busy. You know how this company is, work, work, work. I’m about to hit the road again, I’ll call you when I get to the hotel tonight. Love you.’ You hit three red heart emoji’s and clicked send. You put the car in drive and exit out of the resting area and hit the highway.

You were exhausted and tired of sitting in the car for hours to get to your destination. Waddling out of a gas station with a cup of coffee in your hand, it wasn’t no Starbucks, but it’ll do.”Is that.. Oh my god, it is!” You jumped to hear someone screaming. You looked over to see two teenagers running towards you. “Y/n, y/n! Could my sister and I have a picture and a autograph?” The boy asked.

The older sister elbowed her brother in the ribs. “Dude, be cool.” She mumbled. The boy smiled weakly with a sharpie out, his hand shaking.

You smiled softly at the two siblings. “Well sure thing.” You said, you were happy to have fans like this still. The boy handed his phone to his sister and posed next to you, you kissed is cheek. You could feel his face heat up at your actions. “Me next!” The sister squealed. She handed her brother her phone and quickly hugged you, her brother snapped a picture and the girl pulled away. “Thank you so much, my brother and I big fans.” She smiled widely.

“Thank you, I’m glad I still have super fans like you two.”

“Is it because of the whole Seth Rollins and Finn Balor thing?” The brother blurted out. He soon grunted as his sister punched him hard in the shoulder. You frowned and sighed out heavily.

“Yeah, yeah that’s why.” You mumbled. “Listen, I have to go. I hope to see you guys at the show tonight.” You waved, walking towards your car.

“Hey, Y/n?” The girl called out, you stopped in your tracks and turned your head. “Thing’s will get better, I just know it.” She smiled widely, you couldn’t help but to smile too.

“I sure do hope so, kid.” You said.

“Austin, Emma. We’re leaving!” A girl that was a little bit older than the two called out, must have been there sister.

“Bye, Y/n!” The two yelled and rushed towards the car. You walked towards your black SUV and sat in the driver’s seat. Maybe this transfer to Smack Down was good for you, what’s the worst that can happen?

Tags: @laziestgirlintheworld

People whom commented on the last chapters, I thought that you’d like to be tagged as well since you guys liked it a lot: @geekyqueen @queenreignsempire @alexahood21 @sarrahcha @gothicninibalor @janayawashington @xxmaddhatter39xx @sebastianandstyles @fandom-preferences-imagines @02queenk @x-fallen-x-devil-x @littledeadrottinghood @racheo91 @baleesi @m-a-t-91 @abominablestrowman279 @pjanina13 @royal5231 @the-geekgoddes @vexingfelon @vebner37 @alexispoo @laviemari 

Note: This story is remastered, I'm thinking about touching it up and continuing it again? Not totally sure though!

Seth Rollins' Masterlist

[thatstrangegiiirrlll]

California Sunset

Hey y’all! This is the first smut I’ve ever posted on the internet. I’ve been writing for a good six and a half to seven years now(four years for fun and around 3 or so years professionally) and I believe that I’m a pretty good writer. One thing though, when it comes to putting my work out there for people to read and interpret for themselves, sometimes that can be a bit nerve-wracking. Either way I put my ALL into my work whether it’s a smut, short story, poem, or an entire novel. I hope you all enjoy. (:

It’s a gorgeous, goregous night here in LA, the breathtaking sunset sitting perfectly in the middle of the sky. The swriling hues of orange and pink are enough to make anyone stop and stare in awe. You only hope that someone can find you as enchanting and beautiful as a warm sunset.

You figured that you had that with Chishiya, but now you aren’t so sure anymore. You’ve always been understanding of how busy and consumed in work that your boyfriend can be. Especially when he loses a pateint. You know how much of a toll that can take on his emotions at times. Being a doctor isn’t easy in anyway. All in the same, it’s a very rewarding career path.

As a nurse, you’re also occupied with your own career, with your life in general. But you’ve always gone by the belief that people make time for what they deem as a priority—what they consider important to them. And you always make time for Chishiya. Now it seems as though he’s starting to pull away from you. He barely touches you—rarely ever even compliments you anymore. You hate to admit how much that stings, how much it hurts your pride.

“Chishiya,” you call out to him, eyes glazing over his slim, relaxed stature. He’s so into the game that he’s currently playing on his playstation that you sadly doubt he heard you call his name. Or worse, he’s ignoring you on purpose.

You frown up, crossing your arms in impatience. “Chishiya!” This time your tone is a lot more crisp and assertive.

“Hm,” he mumbles, almost carelessly, never taking his eyes off of the tv screen.

In attempt to ignore his cold demeanor, you clear your throat in hopes that he can’t detect the hurt in your voice.

“I’m leaving to meet up with friends now. I won’t be back until very late.”

His eyes dart from his game and to you for a split second as he says, “Not too late. Be safe.” And just like that he averts every morsel of his attention back to the game.

Knowing how childish the very next words leaving your mouth are, you say them anyway, unable to hide your hurt. “Yeah, maybe I’ll come across a man that truly recognizes me and appreciates my damn existence tonight.” You eye him sharply, arms still stacked tightly across your chest—your special defense mechanism. He pauses his game as if on queue, a smirk forming on his soft, baby face, implying he’s willing to play along into your game. You resent how adorable and squishy you find this man. Even when he’s being a distant, insensitive, little prick.

He chuckles as he replies, “Sure. Send me a picture when you find him. I need to know what I’m up against.”

You scoff. “How do some nudes sound, Chishiya?” You retort, unable to conceal the emotion in your voice at this point. “Forget it. I’ll see you whenever you decide to act like you give a damn about me.”

That heavy and restricting sensation one gets in their throat when tears threaten to fall begins to bite at you as you turn abruptly to exit the room. But Chishiya has other plans. He grips you up, spinning you by your waist, somehow teleporting from his previous, peaceful position in his gaming chair and over to you. Sheesh. Don’t underestimate these shorter men. They move quick. Not to mention that surprising strength they have.

“What?” He questions, trying to look you in the eyes, but you stubbornly refuse to look at his face, afraid you’ll cry once you do so. “That’s why you’re threatening me with other men, huh? You think I don’t care about you?”

You push his hands off of your body, heaving out a small whimper. “Chishiya,” you whisper, your tone of voice tired and matter of factly. “Do you even find me attractive anymore? I mean seriously…you give me minimal devotion when we’re together. Just now, you could barely be bothered to pause that ugly game long enough to see off your girlfriend! And your affection? It’s almost as though you never even had any for me. You touch me like its an obligation and not because you genuinely want to. Do you get how that makes me feel as a woman? I feel as though you’re disgusted by me.”

He stands there for a second, his face displaying guilt and realization. Sighing, he walks over to his bed, hands in the pockets of his sweatpants as he flops down. “Come here.”

You can’t help it when your eyes roll slightly, stinging from the air. You walk over to him purposely standing about a foot or so away from the bed. He leans forward, grabbing you from behind your thighs and sitting you onto his lap. You blush when you feel him against you through your underwear.

He rubs your sides softly, squeezing them with intention. Your dress rises a bit at the action. “Let me start off by saying I love you; I love you so much it hurts me. You’re so gosh darn pretty it hurts me. There’s not a single part of your body and soul that I don’t adore.”

You manage to keep a soft eye contact with him as he pours himself out into you, squirming a bit as the sudden heavy and passionate mood of the room has you feeling shy. He smiles crookedly at your demeanor before continuing.

“I apologize for being distant, love. I shouldn’t direct my worries at you as if you’re the cause of them. You make me better and I forgot that for a moment there. On top of work and just being utterly drained all the time, I stored the fact that my stress reliever is you all the way back in to my mind. I’ll be more mindful from now on. I’ll be present.”

You swallow quietly, unsure of what to say. Your eyes are glued to his cat-like eyes as he smiles cheekily at you. You cave in at the precious sight, cupping his left cheek warmly.

“I love you, Chishiya. I’m always gonna be right here for you to talk to. I care about you and your wellbeing. You’re my heart.”

He nods reassuringly, taking both your hands behind your back and kissing you deeply. This catches you off guard, but you respond immediately, allowing his tongue to taste every inch of your mouth. You release a satisfied groan into his mouth, the vibration tickling the roof of it. He chuckles at the sensation. He’s giggling and being all light and feathery, but there’s a drive of concentration and lust in you as you grind into his pelvis, needing to feel more. Your eyes darken with arousal as the kiss gets more sloppy and explorative.

When he lets your arms loose from behind your back and slips a hand behind your neck to deepen the kiss even more, you become ecstatic; the feeling of sizzling passion and care eating away at you. You can hardly take it. He kisses you as if he wants to swallow you whole. In the nastiest of ways, he ravishes you immensely.

“Chishiya,” you breathe out, your core tingling with every sensation. Your stomach is on fire with excitement.

He places a final soft kiss to your lips before slipping your stretchable dress over your head. That look of hunger in his eyes mixed with a display of smug innocence drove you crazy. He knows exactly what he’s doing to you.

When your dress is off completely, he latches his tongue onto your nipple, teasing it with delicacy. He moves his mouth back and forth between your breasts, giving special attention to both of them. You gasp harshly when he grazes his teeth lightly over your hard nipples, sucking them with an exhilarating popping sound that slides off of his tongue.

“You’re so sweet,” he whispers in that husky voice that you love so much. He turns you over on your back onto the bed, laying a pillow behind your head for support. “Shit. You’re soaked, huh?”

Your eyes flutter open to the sight of him taking your underwear to the side, using his thumb to rub your clit tenderly. You blush hard at the remark and relish in the contact he’s delivering.

He continues this for a few more seconds as you only become wetter with each touch. Removing your panties all the way off and tossing them aimlessly, he positions himself perfectly between your thighs, planting love bites on them before sloppily kissing your pussy. You arch your back as far as it can go, aching to feel every sensation. You feel him smirk against your pussy, getting a kick out of how good he makes you feel.

Licking softly from your slit and back up to your clit as an appetizer, he sucks on the area, resulting in a squeal from you. He sucks on your pussy as though he hadn’t eaten all day. You’re pretty positive if it was possible to leave hickeys on a clit, you’d have a ton.

“Fuck,” you hiss, throwing your head back and grabbing the sheets in desperation. He looks up at you, slow and loving catlike blinks and admiration all over him. It’s something about the way he looks into your eyes as he tastes you that screams “I see right through you.”

“I’m coming,” you manage—barely a whisper. He can feel your pussy start to contract against his mouth and he gives his all to you as you ride out your orgasm against his face. It glistens with your arousal and this sight alone tips you over.

You gasp breathlessly as you come, stomach and chest heaving up and down. You have no control over your legs as they quiver uncontrollably. “Oh my fuck,” Is all you can say as your body is still coming off of the serious convulsion you just had. Teasingly, he begins rubbing the extremely sensitive area at quick speed, knowing how insane it drives you. You push him back weakly and groan, overwhelmed at the sudden touch. What a sneaky, little fucking tease, you think.

He rises up, giggling and hovering over you, leaning down to kiss you lovingly. “You always make such pretty noises for me.”

You wrap your arms lazily over his neck and pull him down for another kiss, forgetting all about the fact that you’re supposed to be going out tonight. Oh well. This is way better anyway.

And there’s the end of that! As you all can see I have a lot of love for the character Shuntaro Chishiya, as I do a lot of characters. But I just recently finished season 2 of Alice in borderland and it’s literally impossible for me to fall anymore in love with his character than I already am. I’m into a lot of different fandoms so expect all kinds of material on this blog! No one trick pony ish on this side. I do it all. I appreciate the read. Leave a like if you found this smut smutty enough for your taste. And leave a comment on anything I can improve! -Ash

[susie-dreemurr]

The bloopers + final ooc bits on the kabsmp vids are great. Kab deciding to canonize phones and Bo burnham on her first day and Maddie breaking character just to go FUCJ YOU KAB HOW ARE WE MESNT TO HAVE PHOENS U DONT HAVE A CHARGER U DONT KNOW TECHNOLOGY. c!Kab kept accidentally flirting with c!Maddie and then the ccs just have the quiet moment of “oh fuck.”

They’re acting their hearts out crying screaming etc but then Maddie calls the cat Gregory instead of Jonathan and Kab starts laughing hysterically for like 5 minutes. This happens again later. After the lore is over Kab says the reason c!Rae and c!Maddie had that fight and c!Rae left earlier is bc the real one had to work so she msged them on discord while the stream was live and Kab told her to “just get really mad and leave” in character.

“In the Nether men fuck each other. It gets lonely, in the Nether” why are you like this. c!Rooty telling c!Pyro he felt things he hadn’t felt with anyone before with c!Pyro (the wither souls) and after people get ooc Maddie says she was Live Slug Reacting through the whole thing. “How do you know c!Clown?” “Intimately”

Best one imo: The other members putting a deez nuts (I think) joke in the last page of Pyro’s lore book w/o him knowing so he has to struggle w keeping in character in this vital stream to his character. After ending the lore he goes to comedy mode in 0.1 second and joins the call the other members were, and as soon as he joins everyone is laughing their asses off. He then proceeds to act out nsfw pyropierce scenarios in minecraft with clown.

The recent YouTube stream where Clown’s computer had shit internet so we have the perfect timing of c!Clown lying saying his dream is to be a better person and then his computer immediately fucking dies. Kab and Rhys start laughing hysterically and we learn that apparently the other members who aren’t even gonna appear on the stream yet or at all are just??? On top of the house ready to come in just to goof off on bloopers. After like 5 minutes he’s able to get back and his computer crashes after 10 seconds again.

Idk why I wrote this I’m just rewatching some kabsmp bloopers and they’re funny. I have nothing better to do

[thesiriusmoon]

Harry Potter ships I truly hate

Disclaimer: I’m not telling you who to ship and whatnot, I’m just expressing how awful these ships are to me and then explaining why.

1. Harry X Draco

Now this is coming from a former drarry stan who before, hadn’t read the books. I thought Draco ‘had no choice’ and ‘just wanted love’ until I opened my eyes and saw the character for who he really was. That is a spoiled blood supremacist who hates muggleborns, and is loved by both of his parents. Draco bullied Harry. Although Harry fought back, it was because he was the victim and had to defend himself. Harry never went out of his way to hurt Draco, but Draco did it constantly. Draco and Harry would never work because Harry hated Draco just as much as Draco did him. You could ship Harry with so many others that wouldn’t be toxic such as, Ginny, Cho, maybe Hermoine (but I prefer Romoine), maybe even Ron if you want to. (I don’t ship Harry and Cedric because the ages are too weird). It’s so obvious throughout the entire book that Harry didn’t have romantic feelings for Draco, he only ever thought he was doing bad things, seeing as he was a bad person. Harry found love in Ginny in like the fifth book? Which is when the crush started, and no one else was in the picture for him once he began dating Ginny. In conclusion, Ginny is the one he married and had children with, not Draco, because he hated him and wanted nothing to do with him as he was nothing but a bully who hated muggles and muggleborns. Seeing as Harry is a half blood, and his mother was muggleborn, why do you think Harry would turn around and be like “oh he’s just broken I’ll fix him.” And ignore everything Draco ever said about his family???? That’s such a toxic thing to think... because believe it or not, in a relationship you’re supposed to be with someone you like as a person. Just because you may find Draco attractive, that doesn’t make him a good person!! Harry would never choose Draco over anyone for that matter. If it were between Ginny or Draco to be saved, you better bet on Harry saving Ginny.

2. Hermoine X Draco

I genuinely hate this ship with my entire being. It disgusts me. This isn’t an enemies to lovers, this is literally bully X victim. Hermoine didn’t fight back, meaning Draco was the full oppressor and she was the oppressed. Draco is a blood supremacist who called Hermoine a mudblood constantly and hated her, and the feeling was mutual from Hermoine because why would anyone like their bully? Falling in love with your bully is a book trope, that doesn’t happen in real life. When Hermoine was being tortured in Malfoy Manor, Draco stood and watched because he didn’t care, meanwhile Ron, the boy Hermoine was attracted to and loved, was screaming and crying begging for him to take her place so she would be protected. That’s true love, something Hermoine and Draco will never have. I really will never understand why so many people love shipping victims with their oppressors... like do you get a sick kick out of it by babying the oppressor? Saying things like “oh he’s just unloved” or “he can change!” When none of that is true. Draco chose to be who he is, which is a blood supremacist and was loved by his family, and Hermoine chose not to ever engage with him because of his personality and attitude. Draco hated her, and everyone else like her because of their status, and overall, Hermoine just isn’t attracted to him. Hermoine is attracted to Ron and he’s the only person I can see dating Hermoine because everyone else would be a bit strange. Dramoine is unbelievably toxic, and all it does is romanticise abuse. “Oh Draco only bullied her for 7 years because he was afraid to love her.” Stfu. You’d never hurt someone you love. Draco bullied her because he thought he was ABOVE her, and she was nothing but dirt on his shoe.

3. Hermoine X Pansy

When it comes to fanon, I still don’t understand why it gets shipped because in order to do that, you have to change Pany’s entire personality to the point where it’s not even Pansy anymore. It’s just some nice girl with the same name. Because the real Pansy bullied Hermoine and made it known how much she didn’t like her. Not only that, but Pansy was head over heels for Draco. This isn’t an enemies to lovers, this is shipping the bully with the victim for some weird reason... because Hermoine didn’t fight back just like Hermoine X Draco. If they were both at each other’s throats I could see your enemies to lovers, but that’s just not what this is. If you ship them because you’re looking for a wlw ship, why not take a look at Ginny X Luna, Lavender X Parvati, or even Tonks X Fleur, rather than picking the toxic ship that would never ever work and would only hurt Hermoine. Ron Weasley exists for a reason. Again, shipping someone with their oppressor is a very weird thing to do. For example, Ron is a pureblood, but Ron wasn’t prejudice towards muggles or muggleborns, because he’s a decent and normal person. Pansy and Draco aren’t decent people, and they bullied people. Really there isn’t much else to say as all canon stuff about Pansy is about her bullying people, and encouraging people to capture Harry because SHE’S A BLOOD SUPREMACIST THAT’S ALL SHE IS. Hermoine is a strong and independent woman and would NEVER date someone prejudice like that, she has standards.

4. Lily X Snape

We have to stop with this “she can fix him” mentality, because women don’t exist to fix men. Either Snape was a good person, or a bad person. He should be able to choose that himself. Which he was actually, and he was very clearly a bad person. You can’t force someone to be attracted to another. Attraction forms on its own, and it’s something Lily never had for Snape, they were only friends. To say that Lily owed Snape something because he liked her... is so wrong and disgusting. If she doesn’t like him, she doesn’t like him and Snape should fucking move on instead of obsessing over her. But, Snape overall was a creep so you can’t say “oh he made a mistake” when that man knew EXACTLY what he was doing. Ripping Lily’s happy photograph of her with her husband and baby, and taking the letter she wrote for Sirius who Snape could pretend she did that for him. Literally disgusting. Even the friendship was toxic. When reading I realised that Snape played the victims card a lot when talking about the marauders as if he wasn’t doing WORSE thing to them. Lily knew that Snape wanted to join Voldemort, as seen in the books. ‘You and your previous little death eater friends — you see, you don’t even deny it. You don’t even deny that’s what you’re aiming to be! You can’t wait to join you-know-who, can you?” Then she says “I can’t pretend anymore, you’ve chosen your way, and I’ve chosen mine.” Lily PRETENDED that Snape wasn’t going to be a death eater because she didn’t want to believe that her own friend would hate her kind so much. Though once reality hit her she was gone and was never coming back. To ship someone who was oppressed with the oppressor is so weird and wrong, and I genuinely think you’re strange if you do that 😐. Snape already didn’t like Lily having other friends... so what does that tell you about what kind of relationship they would have? A manipulative one and an emotionally abusive one. James Potter was a pureblood, and not once did he ever bully someone for their blood status. He did things to Snape because Snape was a prejudice piece of shit and deserved it quite frankly. I would have done the exact same thing. Remember, the Potter’s were ‘blood traitors’ and Snape was a blood supremacist, of course the two aren’t going to like one another. But the difference is, Snape bullied innocent people (laughing at the fact Mary MacDonald was subdued to dark magic) and James fought back for those without voices. Getting revenge for people who couldn’t do it themselves. That’s the difference between a bully and a hero tbh. There’s no way Lily would ever date a death eater, she’s a strong woman who can make up her mind for herself rather than having people on the internet say things like “she was brainwashed!” And things like that. She became attracted and fell in love with a respectful man who would never cause her any type of emotional or physical harm.

In conclusion, I will judge you if you think shipping abusers/oppressors with their victims is ok in any way.

If you made it this far, feel free to comment or reblog with your own opinion. Just know that my opinion on these ships will never change because they’re all extremely toxic whether you like it or not. That’s just common sense. It’s canon that Draco, Pansy, and Snape were horrible people who liked to make fun of others. Fanon doesn’t mean a single thing in this because fanon isn’t real. If you have to change the entire personality of someone so they aren’t abusive... what does that tell you about their character? A lot of people do this because they like how a character looks, which is so tone deaf. If you think a victim should date their oppressor because of looks... I’m judging you heavily. If a character is wrote to be abusive, I don’t understand people do fan art of them with the people they hurt in a romantic way.

You might say I’m being over dramatic, but really it’s not that hard to understand that you shouldn’t romanticise abuse or say that oppressor X victim would make the perfect couple just because of their looks.

Would you ever ship Neville with Draco? No you wouldn’t. And it’s not for the reasons you would think. I bet if Neville was conveniently attractive (in the books, I love Matthew.) people would have shipped him with Draco despite Draco mercilessly bullying Neville for 7 years. A lot of people would have made excuses like “Draco was broken!” In order to be able to ship two attractive men together. (Which also plays into fetishisation of lgbt+ couples I think...) This fandom is rather toxic when it comes to this, and they’d rather ship a very abusive relationship with two conventionally attractive people rather than a loving one with two people that aren’t.

[lady-of-lyon]

So, I made one post a while back about how awesomely feminist the show Wild Kratts was, with how its two main female characters were women of color in engineering and deserving roles of power, female villains who weren’t motivated by spite or quest for youth, etc, but today I wanted to talk about something slightly different, that I’ve wanted to cover for a while now, because I also think it’s very good - and that’s how the show portrays masculinity, in a way that’s really positive!

First, we have our two main characters, Chris and Martin Kratt. Keep in mind these two are basically self-inserts - and there are plenty of creators, especially males, who have used self-insert characters in really scummy ways - all I have to say is Powerpuff Girls reboot and you know exactly what I’m talking about. Even if they weren’t literal self-inserts, male characters, superheroes especially, oftentimes serve the male power fantasy, being just the strong, stoic, all-powerful person so many boys are told they’re supposed to be. I could get into a whole discussion about how the male power fantasy is present even when males are not (ever look through a fashion magazine and wonder why there are so few men? Sure, part of it is that the industry thrives off exploiting women’s insecurities, and men aren’t as concerned for their appearance, but another part of it is so that the guy, looking through it, can feel like he has no competition for these women - there’s a reason so many comedians have jokes about fashion magazines being their sexual awakening as kids. It’s really scummy) but that’s not what this is about. So, the bros had every opportunity to do just that - make themselves these traditional heroes who aren’t actually really good role models, like batman or what have you. It’s certainly not uncommon for celebrity cartoons to do stuff like that. But Martin and Chris chose a different approach. They’re pretty strong standouts for positive masculinity. They’re openly affectionate - both with eachother as brothers, and with their friends. They cry, sometimes over little things - most of the time when big superheroes cry, it’s ‘cause they lost the girl they loved or their mentor or something like that, only in the big, most agonizing moments do they shed a tear. But here, Chris or Martin will cry just because they’ve had a bad day, or because they’re overwhelmed and overjoyed that someone named a mantis after them! In a lot of shows or movies when a guy cries over something little, it’s usually played for laughs, or to emasculate him, but here it’s casual without being unreasonable or overdone. The brothers cry just ad much, maybe even more (haven’t gone back and counted or anything) as the girls do. Not to mention, it’s a very nice depiction of a loving, healthy sibling relationship. As the youngest sibling myself, it’s refreshing to see a pair who don’t abuse eachother with noogies or cruel and snarky remarks. When they do fight, it’s never a screaming match, and also because they had a conflict of interest or disagreed over a fact, not because, say, one of them stole the other’s shirt or is neglecting the other’s feelings. Kids, being very impressionable, get exposed to a lot of abusive sibling relationships played as normal in media, and start thinking this is how siblings are and should act. For instance, my sister (who is now my best friend and has gotten over all these bad habits over time) when she was younger watched a lot of Kim Possible, a show that is great, but has a bad family dynamic with Kim and her little siblings. The “tweebs” as she calls them are always irresponsible, destructive, and making Kim annoyed to no end. My older brother was one of the most polite, reserved, kind little kids, but she still treated him like he was a brat and a nuisance, because that’s what shows like Kim Possible taught her little brothers were. Additionally, I was always treated like a spoiled crybaby who just wanted attention and got away with everything - I was not any of those things, ever, but that’s what shows teach you little sisters are. Sure, Wild Kratts has a smidge of that, with Chris seemingly being the stereotype of the know-it-all little sibling, but instead of being constantly looked town upon for being too “perfect” like with Hailey Long in American Dragon, Martin often praises his brother for his abilities. Sure, Martin gets annoyed when Chris tries to correct him on things, like in the episode Wolf Hawks, but everyone else does too, so it feels more like a take-down of mansplaining than a sibling spat.

I talked too in the feminist post about how refreshing it is that Chris and Martin more or less willingly put themselves under the authority of Koki and Aviva, two women of color. I don’t think it’s possible to say any one character is the “leader,” they all work as a evenly balanced team, but it’s safe to say that Koki and Aviva make the more responsible decisions. The bros try to get out of their calls a few times, but the show plays it more like they’re being irresponsible, and less like they’re renegade cool dudes who don’t take nothing from nobody, especially not two girls. They are pretty much always punished via karma for their reckless choices, most especially in To Touch a Hummingbird, where their arrogant attitudes blow up in their faces rather spectacularly. We also never see the narrative most present in sitcoms, where the male leads mess up and go out of their way to cover it up and ultimately gets away with it - after all, you have to root for them, right, because sure they messed up and had no consequences, but aren’t they just so lovable? No, here Martin and Chris always have to fix their wrongdoing, and it’s always deserved when they get comeuppance. Another aspect of the show I like is that, many times, when the bros get captured or are in peril, they are saved by the women - and most refreshing of all, there’s never a moment of “wink wink nudge nudge wow I can’t believe I had to be rescued by a GIRL” or even “wow you saved me you’re pretty good honey guess I shouldn’t have underestimated you, you go girl!” No, when the girls save them, it’s just - you know, relief? Because they were saved? It’s never a scenario played as an exception, or any more dire than when the bros need to rescue eachother. The bros are genuinely happy to have them as teammates. The show even did the standard “boys vs girls” episode in the form of When Fish Fly - but instead of being actually girls vs. boys, it’s engineers vs. adventurers. There’s nothing really gendered about it - the girls happen to be engineers, and the boys happen to be adventurers. And the episode doesn’t end with the boys being “wow gosh darn I shouldn’t have doubted you girls are better at everything,” it’s a mutual agreement that both parties have hard jobs. Basically, the bros are very naturally respectful of women. That plays more into their feminist narrative too, but either way, it’s refreshing.

Then, we have Jimmy! Jimmy, the lovable gamerboy pizza man. At first glance Jimmy seems like the stereotypical cowardly, pathetic, emasculated loser. He’s frightened of most things, as of yet has no power suit, and he BAKES for crying out loud! But none of these things are framed as terribly bad traits. Sure, we laugh when he screams and runs from an animal, but though it happens over and over, the crew doesn’t get sick of it. They don’t berate him or belittle him because he’s so gosh darn cowardly. There’s a great scene in Rattlesnake Crystal where Jimmy has to deliver something to the bros alone, in the middle of a spooky desert. He is terrified the whole time, sprinting off after he delivers the goods. When Martin and Chris run into him, they don’t laugh at him for being spooked, they just greet and then bid fair well to their friend. To them, this is just Jimmy, and there’s nothing wrong with it. Jimmy isn’t coddled, but he is reassured many times that he’s a valuable member of the team. I love that little message, that you’re just as important of a person even if you can’t do as much or have greater limits. When his friends do try to get him over his fears, it’s not because they have to, that the day will somehow be ruined by Jimmy’s incompetence p, but because they’re his friends, and want him to experience fun and wonderful things that he would otherwise miss out on. But what Jimmy CAN do is just as important! Jimmy is a gamer, which in a lot of shows, is portrayed as a lazy, useless, mindless hobby. But here, because he plays video games, it makes him essential for piloting the ship and teleporting important items. There’s always the joke that video games improves your hand/eye coordination, but recent studies have shown it has much better effects. It can make you much better at keeping track of multiple moving objects and processing technical but variable information- two traits which, fittingly enough, are really really important for air traffic controllers and airplane pilots! He also demonstrates a lot more courage behind the wheel of the Tortuga, which makes sense - in an impersonal setting, he would have more sense of calm and control and courage, because it’s so similar to a video game world. It’s not all too different with how I feel more emboldened to pick fights with people on the internet, but get crazy anxious if a real person so much as looks at me. So Jimmy’s love of video games isn’t because he’s irresponsible, it has real benefits. A quick last point - Jimmy also eats a lot, but they thankfully don’t make him fat or greedy or anything like that. He never takes food from people, he actually bakes, and shares it with others! Having the baker be a boy is a lovely touch.

I might do another post about the toxic masculinity of the two villains, (or four villains, I guess, if I wanna discuss the minions) but I’ve got other work to do, and this post is long enough already, so I’ll get around to it later. I’ll sum it up with this - Wild Kratts is a show that teaches boys it’s not only ok to be kind, but essential. The brothers protect defenseless animals, advocate for things “icky” and “weird,” like bugs or snakes or worms - not because they’re boys, and boys like icky things, but because they genuinely see the beauty in all life, and are encouraging us to slow down and do the same. The Wild Kratts are heroes who save the world not by being the strongest or smartest or coolest, but by looking after those who are exploited and vulnerable, who are essential to the world, even if they can’t always do everything. In Wild Kratts the only weaknesses a man can have isn’t what he can’t do, but what he does do that he shouldn’t have. Sure, it’s a cute show about two funny guys who have cool powers, but it’s also a show about accountability, compassion, respect and trust. The show says “boys will be boys” in all the right ways - Martin is a lovable goof with a heart of gold, but he still has to get his act together when he messes up, and he’s still creative and smart and openly sensitive. Chris is a bit of a know-it-all show-off, but he can also mess up as much as his brother, and is still bold, brave, adventurous, and can put his money where his mouth is. Jimmy is a cowardly, napping, eating machine video-gamer, but he’s still a valued member of the team, has incredible skills and talents, and will always help his friends, even if he is really, really scared. It is so important to have role models like these, in a world dominated by unhealthy machismo. The Wild Kratts are heroes who save the world - both animated, and real.

All they need now is a canon queer character, and I’ll stan them forever! My money’s on Aviva!!

[colorisbyshe]

I’m nosy, so I’ve been skimming the reactions to Lindsay Ellis quitting the internet and it’s AMAZING how obvious lots of white feminists view feminism as a means of getting the same power as white men as opposed to a vehicle to lift up all women and peoples.

Because 90% of the reaction to Lindsay getting “canceled” for being racist is “Cishet white men have done worse and THEY aren’t canceled” which is them effectively saying “If Lindsay were a white man, she could get away with being racist, and we sure do wish she was able to get away with being racist!”

I am white myself and so I’m going to stare every single white defender of Lindsay down and ask WHY you want Lindsay to get away with being racist so fucking badly. Ask yourself WHY you think criticisms stemming from calling our racism can be considered “dogpiling” and “mobbing” and what the underbelly of that language is.

Like...?

Feminism isn’t “Let white women get away with the shit white men do!” Feminism is... holding all white people accountable for their roles in oppression, like that’s like... step fucking one. And this feels like it shouldn’t even have to be said and yet I keep seeing this sentiment all over twitter as people cry over a mediocre youtuber quitting while comparing herself to victims of ableist and transmisogynistic abuse

[pikkubang]

AOT (SNK) HEADCANONS

What their favorite curse words are or which ones they would use in a modern setting. -Includes the Warriors ofc ^^-

TRIGGER WARNING: you guessed it. Curse words and mentions of slur usage (slurs not included ofc).

Eren (S1-3): he would definitely go with the usual “fuck” and “bitch” but have an unhealthy obsession with words related to balls that everyone hates and makes Mikasa give him dirty looks every time he says one.

“Bro you fucking piece of shit, I swear I will kick you in those fucking hairy bollocks you call a face”

Eren (S4): this man just says the most offensive slurs (unprovoked and with no visible emotions) that make the entire room go QUIET.

Mikasa: doesn’t curse too often, but when she does, she mostly uses some Japanese curse words that she picked up from her mother, such as:

“くそ! (kuzo!)”: meaning “fuck!”

“ちくしょう (chikushō)”: meaning “oh shit”

“わるがき (warugaki)”: meaning “brat”. Mostly used towards Eren when she is annoyed.

Fair to say that she doesn’t shout them, she just says them in a low voice.

Armin: we all know it’s really unlikely that he’ll ever insult anyone during an argument, but for some reason i feel that he enjoys to say things like “holy guacamole!” when he stubs his toe in the couch and stuff like that djdjdjhs

Sasha: loves weird word combinations and long curse words to say at any given moment such as: “what in the mother geewillikers’ bazooka trunk is that?!?”

No one really knows how she comes up with these.

Connie: DEFINITELY uses stinky and ass way too much.

“Hey Connie, yo mama-“

“LISTEN YOU STINKY ASS MOTHE-“

Jean: is the one who actually makes the “yo mama” jokes to Connie ALL the time. He likes to get creative.

“Hey Connie, yo mama so fat that Thanos had to snap twice”

“Hey Connie, yo mama’s forehead so big that she can make a pita out of sourdough bread by giving it a headbutt”

Historia: on a daily basis, she uses refined curse words to refer to the people that she dislikes, such as “bastard”, “miserable”, “wretched” and such, but OH- we all know that when she’s either comfortable or really mad she can say (and probably knows) more curse words than everyone in the troops combined.

Ymir: she just needs cursing to live and most of her sentences consist of phrases with random curse words intertwined into every single one of them. Special mention to “shit” because she likes it a lot and most things that aren’t related to Historia are just “shitty” to her.

“I SWEAR TO GOD REINER YOU SHITTY FUCKING DICKHEAD! STAY AWAY FROM HISTORIA”

Erwin: oh, our good suburban dad Erwin. He really likes “bloody hell” and will throw random dammits at small inconveniences like “staining” his shirt with a little bit of coffee or a pen falling from his desk.

Levi: he will for sure call everyone an “asshole” because he simply thinks everyone is. Period. He doesn’t care who you are. To him, everyone is just a “stupid asshole that doesn’t deserve his time and effort”.

Yes. He learned this word from Kenny. Now cry.

Hange: they absolutely love researching funny and currently unused curse words on the internet just for the laughs. Hange doesn’t really feel the need to curse at everything and everyone, but will randomly throw some of the ones they learned when everyone is angry and cursing to just “get in the mood”.

Ymir: “he’s just shitty, I guess…”

Connie: “JUST SHITTY? HE FUCKING SUCKS ASS”

Hange, passing by: “zooterkins! he sounds like a zounderkite. Did you two know that is the victorian word for idiot?” *laughs and leaves*

Reiner: his favorites were “son of a bitch”, “motherfucker” and “whore”, and he mainly used them to insult fellow men when he was at Paradis. Now that he’s back in Marley, he just doesn’t have the energy/tries to avoid doing it for the kids.

Bertholdt: my good man right here would never insult anyone but himself when he is frustrated (which mostly happens in his mind, of course), but sometimes, when he says these things out loud, they’re like:

“Come on Bertholdt you’re such an idiot!”

“Dumb. I am dumb. Goodbye”. *storms off in tiny anger*

Annie: is definitely beyond basic “rat kid insults” (in her words) like “pussy”, anything to do with balls, “whateverfucker” and randomly saying “fuck” or “shit” in every sentence, so she usually goes with the useful basic when needed:

“Fuck off”. Yep, that is definitely a favorite.

Pieck: definitely knows how to curse properly but chooses not to, so don’t be fooled. She might look soft, and she is. But she has also been on too many missions with too many soldiers and definitely knows way more insults and jargon than you.

She doesn’t really have a favorite one, though. She just enjoys the looks on people’s faces when she lets them know that she understood every single word that they said and that “calling her a “carechimba hija de su puta madre” won’t suffice”.

Yelena: will straight up HEX you in russian and occasionally bring up some slurs💀. I know, I’m sorry Yelena but we all know it’s true ㅠㅠ

Zeke: this man is still -sadly- not over “balls and penis curse words”, so you can imagine for yourself what his common expressions are and how he goes from “ballsack sucker” to whatever sounds like it.

Porco: uses the classical “fuck”, “shit”, “bitch” and so on, but additionally tries to incorporate curse words or even slurs that he doesn’t know how to use or what they mean and their implications, only to be met by Pieck’s stare seconds later; and you guessed it: she usually has to explain to him what they mean and why he shouldn’t be using them.

Falco: will mostly say those weird “filtered bad words” that are children-safe, such as “fudge nuggets!” and “snickerdoodle!”, but you cannot tell me that Gabi hasn’t taught him the actual stuff and he secretly uses “shit” on the internet and some others slip out when he’s playing with his friends and gets mad at Gabi for cheating.

Gabi: knows the entire classic curse word dictionary. Occasionally uses slurs pretending she didn’t know that she couldn’t say them.

One day, she called Falco a “piece of pixelated b*kk*ke” because she heard it somewhere and thought it meant “shit”, so Pieck had to step in and age-appropriately explain that it was something that “bad men did to punish women in Japan and that it was not funny at all”. Gabi never said it again.

Casually picked up “suka” from Yelena because she thought it sounded funny.

[boom-bakugou]

‘Wherever You Are’ - Shoto Todoroki/Eijiro Kirishima

A/N: This piece is for my @bnhabookclub bingo card! I’m crossing out “Be Quiet” and ‘Heated Argument’. I would also like to thank @honeytama @shoutogepi and @dragonhrte for beta reading <333

Pairings: Pro Hero!Todoroki x F!Reader / Pro Hero!Kirishima x F!Reader

Warnings: 18+, smut, mutual masturbation, minor temperature play, minor angst!

Summary: Todoroki already broke your heart when he said he was leaving for 6 months, but Kirishima can glue your broken heart back together before he returns...right?

Word Count: 5.2k

masterlist

“6 months.”

The words stung more than they should’ve. Half a year of not being able to see his face, hold his hand, sleep together in the same bed.

“Does it have to be so long? Do you really have to go?”

God your mind ran at a hundred miles a minute. Searching his face for any semblance of wanting to rethink the offer about heroing in America. But the sympathetic glance in his eyes was enough to tell you what his words could not.

Of course you were proud of him, of course you were. It wasn’t a minor thing in his career and not many heroes would be selected for such an astounding opportunity. Top heroes in Japan touring around America to show their quirks and how different cultures portrayed their heroes. A bit flamboyant for Todoroki but you presumed he was only following as Deku and Ground Zero were also picked for the once-in-a-lifetime gig.

“I’ll be back before you know it baby, I promise.”

So you took that promise to heart.

-

In the following months leading to his departure, there was a heavy air between the two of you that wouldn’t be mentioned. As if you both knew the inevitable was coming. How would you two manage a relationship from thousands of miles away? You had read every article on the internet, even bought books and followed tags that allowed you to know how to keep the fire burning between the two of you.

Shoto was typically quiet, he always was. But as he began packing his bags for the long tour, he was deathly silent. The guilt of leaving you by yourself in your shared home burning him up inside. He knew he had to say something to you about this whole ordeal, but how could he? He was taking this life changing decision and ruining what you two had perfectly here. But you two could survive right? Or was that the right decision overall? Was prolonging you two the right decision?

It all came down to the day he had to leave. Helping him pack the last of his necessities into his very packed suitcases which had been neatly placed upon your shared bed.

“I completely forgot to ask, how’re you getting to the airport?”

“Bakugou and Midoriya are dropping me off.”

Oh. You had hoped you could get those final moments of couples bliss before he left, but you couldn’t not indulge in having the two young heroes watch in jealousy of you and your boyfriend.

“Can I come? See you off before you leave?”

Your tone was so bittersweet. Not really wanting to see him leave into the airport gates.

“Of course you can.” Todoroki zipped up his final case before pressing a chaste kiss upon your forehead, lingering for a moment to then head to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for you both.

The familiar ring of Todoroki’s phone signified that Bakugou and Midoriya were outside. Bakugou had convinced Kirishima to drive them to the airport (which he did not appreciate as it was far too early for him) and he was the one to head up to help Todoroki with his cases.

“I’ll get that for you Y/N, no worries.” His toothy grin glimmered to you as he picked up the heavy case with ease. It must be fun being a pro-hero.

The ride to the airport was sweet, despite being squashed in the back with Bakugou and Todoroki. It was mostly filled with inside jokes between the four boys and Bakugou screaming for the aux cord because ‘Shitty hair’s music is shitty’. You’d miss the small moments like these.

After checking the three men and their bags to the plane, Todoroki and you parted from the group to have a few last moments together before it would only be facetimes and snapchat stories in seeing each other’s lives.

“Y/N you know this will be difficult right?”

“I know, but I’ve planned everything out! We’re gonna be fine.”

“I’m going to be so busy though, I’ll barely have time for calls and I’ll be so tired at the end of my day and-“

“That’s why when we do call, it’ll be so much more special! We have date nights planned and-“

“Y/N, look I just don’t think I want to push this.”

You could have almost spat your coffee out at his interruption. He wasn’t even looking at you, springing this up on you in your last moments before not seeing him for 6 whole months.

“Wh-what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that… I don’t know, maybe you should see other people. I just don’t think- with how busy I am-it willon’t work.”

You hadn’t even realised you were crying. Your glare towards him basically begging for him to look you in the eyes. Coward.

“So you won’t even try?”

“I just don’t see the point-“

“The point in us?” The daggers in your voice finally made him look up at you, the snivelling mess he had made you into. He had gotten your hopes up that it would work, that you’d still be there for him and support him. “Have fun on your tour Todoroki.”

You left your coffee half drunk, not even wanting the takeaway cup with his name on it. It wasn’t worth your time.

“Hey Kirishima could I have the keys to your car? I just wanna sit down for a bit.” Your eyes were practically glued to the floor, as a means to not show him that you were seconds from fully breaking down.

“Sure, but, aren’t you gonna say goodbye to Sho?” He reluctantly pulled his keys out from his sweatpants pocket, dangling them in front of you in hopes that he could see your expression.

“He just did.” You try your best not to snatch them from him but your attempt fails. You just wanted to be out of there. Even pushing past Bakugou and Midoriya to exit the building and sit alone with your thoughts.

Selfish bastard. If he’d been thinking about this for so long why not just break up with you when he first told you? Why wait so fucking long for him to just break your heart when you did so much to salvage anything if things got bad? You hit your hand on the steering wheel so hard that the horn beeps and you sob more from the fright. You must’ve looked insane.

Kirishima arrived back at his car about 10 minutes later. Sliding out from the driver’s position to the passenger seat silently, you had at least cleaned yourself up a bit in the thought of knowing that he would soon be back.

“So, he told me.” Kirishima breaks the silence. Hands gripping the wheel with a nervous intent. Knowing it’s a very touchy subject.

“Yeah?”

“It’s gonna be fine y’know? At least he’s not like in your face or anything or you can’t awkwardly bump into him in the street.” His attempts to pick up the mood fall on deaf ears.

“He didn’t have to drag me along for the ride though.” Your tears slide down your face and pool on your neck, not even having the strength within you to wipe them away.

“Well we’re all here for you no matter what Y/N-“

“Can I go to yours for a bit? I know it’s early I just… don’t want to go back to the flat just yet.”

“Course you can.”

-

Staying at Kirishima’s became a regular thing. Not really being able to confine yourself to the four walls of the apartment you used to share with Shoto.

He’d let you sleep in his spare room, his gym equipment keeping you company in the night. It was a fine arrangement. Kirishima was always so nice to you when you were with Todoroki, and since your abrupt breakup; you had an inkling that Kirishima wasn’t on the best of terms with him anymore.

The barren walls and blankets kept you safe from old memories, but your mind followed through with the nightmares.

Your body shook from the antagonising scowl upon Todoroki’s face, it was terrifying but mostly upsetting. You couldn’t help but sob yourself awake. Your pillow a wet mess and your throat dry from screaming.

“Y/N?”

Kirishima stood in your doorway, the light from the hallway pooling around him and the sympathetic gaze in his tired eyes.

“Nightmares?”

You nodded, sitting yourself up in bed and wiping the wet from your cheeks. Kirishima sat on the edge of your bed, rubbing your leg comfortingly over the duvet.

“Do you need anything?” The tired croak in his voice broke your heart further. You felt like such a burden.

“No I’m okay; thank you.” With a small smile, Kirishima got up to go back to bed before you intervened. “Wait- will you stay with me?”

There’s a small glimmer of confusion that passes over Kirishima’s face, but in the end he accepts. You’d known each other for many years and had many sleepovers in each other's dorms that this was nothing new.

Taking off his dressing gown, Kirishima was dressed in a slightly ripped top of his own ‘Red Riot’ merch and loose-fitting boxers. It took you a few moments to drink him in, this really was the most intimate you’d ever seen him.

And that’s how it went for 5 months, just you and Kirishima periodically sleeping in each other's beds to just be with each other. Nothing explicit or sexual, just sometimes touching feet or waking up near enough in each other’s arms.

Until 2 weeks before Deku, Bakugou and Todoroki were meant to come home.

Whether it was the heat of the night or just an off day from not having been intimate for so long you couldn’t help but just need someone to touch you so badly. Thankfully Kirishima was in his room so you at least had some alone time to run your fingers against your slick folds, fingers sopping wet from just how aroused you actually were.

It was infuriating about how you could barely get yourself off, and stifling your moans with a weak lip bite was getting you absolutely nowhere. You knew how thin Kirishima’s walls could be from that night he brought a girl home once. You barely got a lick of sleep just from the noise… or from the slight twinge of jealousy.

Because it had become such a norm to you both, you hadn’t even noticed Kirishima enter your room with your eyelids pressed shut trying to picture any sort of scenario to get the edge off. So when you felt him tugging at your covers; your whole body turned to ice.

“Kiri wait-“

But it was far too late. He had no choice but to see the bottom half of you completely naked and drenched in your own slick.

“Oh fuck Y/N- I-I’m so sorry look I’ll go I should’ve knocked- fuck I’m sorry.” Even in the darkness of your room you could clearly see the blush on his face as if it was illuminative. You also couldn’t peel your eyes away from the rising tent in his sweatpants. You could’ve licked your lips at the sight.

“It’s alright- I’m sorry I didn’t notice you sooner.” You tried your best to catch your breath, with no real success as your tone was so ragged. You covered yourself up and place your hands on top of your covers; allowing for some form of minor stimulation to yourself without Kirishima noticing.

“D-Do you want me to help?” He sounded so innocent but the way he licked his lips sent chills to your spine. Could you really sleep with your best friend?

“I-I don’t know, but- you obviously need some help yourself.” You do your best to joke about the awkward situation, something that was rather natural for your friendship. Kirishima couldn’t help but slyly place his hands over his crotch despite you already noticing the dark grey patch of pre-cum staining the fabric.

“Well… we could just… masturbate together?” The thought hung in the air for a brief moment as it washed over the both of you, Kirishima gulping as the silence lasted longer than expected.

“Okay…” Your tone was hesitant but he could tell by how dilated your pupils were that this would probably be something neither of the two of you would mention in the morning. He’d be okay with that… maybe. Maybe not.

Sliding to his usual side of the bed, he leaned against the headboard and you sat yourself up a bit further. Pulling the covers to the side so everything was fully out in the open again. You could hear Kirishima hiss between his teeth at the sight of you even more drenched at the thought of you two doing this together. You watched with the same anticipation as him as he pulled his sweatpants down to let his cock spring free. The sight of it so red and flush couldn’t stop your hand from sliding back down to your heat.

Seeing the two of you like this was enough to get you both off, the room was filled with an air of silence but it wasn’t heavy. No, it was littered with the soft moans of you and your best friend.

Your eyes traced each other’s bodies as if you needed to discover every inch of each other with just your eyes. You’d seen Kirishima without his shirt many timesa time but you could practically beg for it just to see the way his muscles move as he pumped his cock. Kirishima gave you the same attentive look as he studied the way your fingers slid in and out of yourself.

After a few minutes of pleasure filled and moan ridden ecstasy; your hand began to cramp and the frustration of still not being able to get yourself off had tears streaming down your face.

“Fuck Kiri-“ You whined, hearing his name come out of your mouth was a sinful kiss to his ears. He wanted to hear it all the time.

“Yeah, me too princess.” He sounded so low it was basically a grunt of a sentence. “Do you want me to-?”

“Please.” He didn’t have to wait, you lifted away your tired hand from yourself and he slid along the bed to run his fingers up your slit. Just the feeling of another person touching you so intimately was enough to release the tension from your sore head, the scream released from your throat could’ve made him come undone right then and there.

“Just like that baby?” Kirishima’s calloused fingers danced delicately along your folds, squeezing ever so gently at your clit making your back arch. Your hand drifted along his midriff until it found the way to the bottom of his cock. He hissed at the feeling of your hand around him and his fingers stuttered against your core.

“Please, mmmf… need you in me.” You managed to choke out. Kirishima didn’t need another sign as he plunged two fingers into your wet self. He set his hand just above your head, leaning down on you as you fisted his member at the same rate he thrusted his fingers in and out of you.

You both silently knew that it’d be too weird if you two actually had sex. You were just helping each other in a time of need.

Kirishima pressed his knuckles down on the spongy part of your insides, making your hand falter aagainst him before finding your way to pick up your pace again.

“Fuck fuck, Y/N- I’m so fucking close.” Kirishima forced the words out of his mouth as he watched you writhe in pleasure underneath him.

“Me too Kiri oh fuck-“ You could feel the coil tightening within you ready to burst and you felt him twitch beneath your hand.

“Fucking hell fuck Y/N I lo-.” The sound of him moaning as he came into your hand and parts of your stomach drowned out his sentence and the way he curled his fingers while inside of you was enough to also tip you over the edge, grabbing his shoulder with your free hand for a reason to ground you to reality.

Catching your breath, Kirishima slid away from above you. The reality of the situation almost settling in for the two of you. He lifted the waistband of his sweatpants up before pressing a chaste kiss on your head. He wished he would have lingered longer.

“I’ll get something to help you clean up.” He returned with two hot flannels, rubbing wherever his come had landed on you and using the other to wipe any sweat or where your slick had coated your thighs.

“Thank you Kirishima.” Your throat croaked from the pleasure of it all, Kirishima couldn’t help but give a short chuckle as he crawled into bed with you after throwing the flannels in the washing machine.

“I should be thanking you too.”

With that you both fell asleep, a little closer to each other than usual. But, what was he going to say before he got interrupted? You didn’t have time to think of that now.

-

Within two weeks, you and Kirishima had become a lot closer after your little ‘sexual altercation’. Your social media was flooded with photos of you and him going out to eat and going to the movies together and just dumb stuff you’d do at his apartment. So after 6 months of living on and off together; you two decided that you’d officially become roommates. Not a couple just… roommates.

“You gonna need any help or anything?” Kirishima smiled as you opened the door to your old apartment you used to share with Todoroki. Thankfully for the last time.

“Just go to work silly. I'm just grabbing the last of my stuff. It's nothing big, just clothes and ornaments.” You waver him off with a shake of your hand. “You gotta head to work and finish that paperwork.”

That earned a groan from him.

“I’d rather be manly and helpful to you.” He leaned his arm against the doorframe as you unlocked the door.

“Yeah? Well you can go and be manly and helpful to the public, I’ll see you later Kiri.” You smirk, he rolls his eyes. You parted with a small hug and you began to get started to clean up the final things in your old apartment with Todoroki.

It looked almost barren now, you didn’t realise how much of you was in this house and not him. He was always reserved, unlike Kirishima. Even though it was never a fully agreed upon thing that you were living with Kiri as you’d come back to this old house for most of the week- it didn’t feel like home. But it did with Kirishima.

You placed old bedcovers and old clothes into a cardboard box, humming to yourself at the glee of not being alone in the birdcage of your ex. You didn’t even hear the keys go in the door. It wasn’t until you were exiting your old shared bedroom with the box in hand did you notice him. You couldn’t help but drop the box as there was Todoroki, unchanged from the day he left you at that airport cafe.

“Y/N?”

“I was just leaving.”

“Leaving where? Where’ve all your things gone?” He couldn’t not help but notice your decorum missing, it brought life into the modern studio apartment.

“I don’t live here anymore Todoroki. I’m just getting my things and going home.” You attempt to save yourself the embarrassment of already dropping the box by spitting back with venom.

The look of confusion on the bicoloured man’s face was evident. You had no time to play his games.

“I live with Kirishima, I’m getting the last of my things. I didn’t even realise you’d be home today.” You sigh. Though, maybe you subconsciously did. Maybe you knew that he’d be home today and that’s why you decided today was the day you’d get the rest of your things.

“I thought you were getting a bit close.” Todoroki grumbled under his breath, but he knew you heard him. “Always on dates together, always at his house.”

The loud ‘hah’ you let out of your mouth was a jutter in the conversation, Todoroki was obviously taken aback.

“What’s it even to you? Why should you give a shit about my life when you just up and disappeared for 6 months on your own volition huh?” You spat despite your whole body shaking, you couldn’t have missed him right? “You left me alone even when I supported you, did all that shit to make sure we’d stay in contact and now you have the nerve to be jealous?”

His eyes scanned your face before watching you intently, crossing the space between you to finally stand in front of you. You could smell his cologne, citrus and sharp. You’d forgotten how much you missed that smell.

“I didn’t know how much I’d missed you Y/N.” You could feel his breath fan your face catching your own ever so slightly. “I missed you so fucking much baby.”

“Todoroki-“

“Come on baby tell me you didn’t miss me too.” His voice was so soft and sweet to your ears, you couldn’t even stop him from leaning in so close to your face.

“I-“ But before you could speak his lips had encapsulated yours, the box in your hands losing grip.

God had you missed his lips upon yours, you sunk into the kiss as if you had never slept and he was the comfiest bed on earth. He pushed the box from your hands and it landed to the floor with a large thud, taking you by surprise. Yet despite you breaking the kiss from the surprise he swooped you back to having his lips against yours once again.

Kicking the cardboard from the separation of the two of you, Todoroki pulled you close. Taking you in his arms and furthering the kiss. He’d gotten more toned in the months that he’d been gone, your hands dancing over his muscles which were taught against his jumper.

“I should’ve never fucking left you baby girl.” He moaned against your lips, hand to the back of your neck as he drank you in. “Never. I missed you so fucking much.”

Sliding his hands from your neck to your lower back until he reached your thighs, Todoroki pulled you up and you gripped onto his waist as if it was clockwork. How could you have ever thought about anyone else but him? Todoroki walked with ease with you around him to your old bedroom, and when he lay you on your bed it didn’t feel so small anymore.

Buzz Buzz

“Fuck- Shoto my phone,” You whined as Todoroki left nipping kisses down your neck, you shifted beneath him to grab your phone from your back pocket to only see Kirishima’s name flash before you. You could feel Shoto’s heterochromic gaze as the photo of you and Kirishima lit up the screen.

“Answer it-“ Todoroki’s voice was a commanding growl and by the way he squeezed your breasts roughly you couldn’t help but coincide. “Answer it, but be quiet.”

With a gulp you shakily clicked to answer the call and put it on speaker as Todoroki began to slide down your jeans.

“Hey Y/N! Look I know this is out of the blue and I’m at work but- I can’t just stop thinking about us and you know… what we did.” Kirishima’s voice rang through the phone and you feel that Todoroki’s eyes could have pierced through you right then and there.

“But I just think you know with everything we’ve been through together- god this is so not manly asking over the phone but… do you wanna go on a date sometime? I’ll take you out somewhere nice and proper.”

Todoroki rolled his hips into your clothed core after taking off your jeans and a moan threatened to erupt from your throat. Sliding your underwear down his fingers pressed against your wetness and slid down before he bent his head down licking a strip against your sensitive clit. He knew your body like the back of his hand- you missed his gentle touch.

“And I know it might be weird because of Todoroki but he broke up with you so it’s understandable right?” Todoroki’s grip on your thigh became tighter as he lapped your pussy you thought that if you bit your lip any harder it would surely bleed. “I talked with Bakugou about it and he didn’t exactly give the best advice but… I like you… a lot Y/N.”

You couldn’t help but let out a whimpering moan as Todoroki slipped his tongue inside of you and moved in and out of you slowly, relishing the small moans you made.

“Y/N? Are you there? You okay?”

Todoroki’s hand left your thigh and he sat up, allowing for his bulge to once again grind against your core. You gasp at the friction of his jeans against your sensitive clit.

“Y/N? Hello? Please tell me you’re alright?”

With a swift grab of your phone and a hand pressed to your lips; Todoroki began to basically growl back at Kirishima.

“She’s busy.”

Making a scene of pressing the end call button, Todoroki through your phone to the carpeted floor where it thankfully didn’t smash.

“Shoto!”

“So you’ve been messing about with Kirishima, baby?” You whimper at his words as he harshly presses his bulge against you. “Also, didn’t I tell you to be quiet?”

He grasps your chin with his forefinger and his thumb, placing a gentle kiss against your lips before bringing his other hand and slapping your ass hard. You wail at the contact which only gives Todoroki a glimmer of excitement in his eyes.

“It was only once Shoto I promise-“

“Shh shh shh, your filthy mouth needs to be quiet baby girl.” Todoroki leans up from you and begins to unbuckle his belt painfully slowly. His hand gestures afterwards as if telling you to finish disrobing yourself by yourself. “I should’ve never left you, no one else gets to know that this pretty little pussy is mine and mine alone. Got that princess?”

He brings his belt to slap against your thigh when you don’t give him a reply immediately, to which you soon nod your head.

“Let me hear your words baby girl.” His hands slide down to his boxers, jerking himself off as if to tease you as you couldn’t fully picture how he was fisting his cock right now.

“I’m yours Shoto, nobody else’s. Only ever yours.” You’re a whimpering mess and you try to cling to him desperately. He lets out a low chuckle before pulling his boxers fully down and letting his cock spring free.

Todoroki settles himself in between your legs, savouring a taste of your slick before angling his body back up so you were face to face, leaving wet kisses down your neck but biting at all the sweet spots he knew too well.

“Gonna mark you so that everybody knows that you belong to me.” His voice whispered against your skin, the tip of his member prodding against your folds; sliding up and down against you for some friction.

Shoto made his way back up from your nipples to your mouth before pressing his lips against you hungrily. He settled his hips neatly against yours and you instinctively wrapped your thighs around him as he pushed inside of you. Moaning into the kiss with each thrust until he completely bottomed out inside of you. You felt so full and right, you were Todoroki’s.

“God princess I forgot how much you felt like you were made for me.” Todoroki grunts as he begins to set a pace for himself, entangling his hands in your hair and tugging slightly so he has free reign over your neck for every bite and mark he saw fit. “Isn’t that right baby?”

“Yes- fuck me Shoto I’m all yours.” You dig your nails into his back, hard enough to leave marks tomorrow. Shoto starts pistoning his hips into you and you both can’t help but groan at the friction of your two bodies melding together.

Shoto slides his hand up your body until he reached the small of your back, arching you at a deeper angle into him as he fucked you directly into the bed. The sound it made only added to the erotic symphony of your bedroom combined with your moans and the wet skin slapping together. You fist your hands into the sheets in fear of clawing Todoroki’s back any more and you swore you could’ve torn the covers.

“Does that feel good princess? Am I the only one who knows how to make you feel as good as this?” Todoroki’s laugh is almost sinister as he brings his right hand to your clit, making it drop in temperature just to see you squirm.

“You make me feel so fucking good Shoto- so full I only want you- I only need you. Fuck I’m gonna-“

“You gonna come for me princess? Gonna come all around my cock? Good girl, come on come for me.” He whispered into your neck, feeling you tighten around him. Your back arched even further as you came undone around him, pushing himself even further into you to feel you convulse against his cock.

“Shit Y/N!” He groans, absolutely exasperated as he comes inside of you. Letting hot spurts of come dribble out from your pussy. His hands slide from your sides and into your hands as intertwines your fingers together. Shoto catches his breath, his bicoloured hair stuck to his forehead with sweat as he leans into your chest- the two of your synchronising your breathing together.

“Did you miss that my baby? Miss me taking care of you like that?” Todoroki showers your fluttering body with kisses as he pulls himself out of you. Your heart raced but also the pang of guilt was there from the phone call from Kirishima.

“I missed you Sho.”

Todoroki took care of your heavily bruised body, apologising for the bruises upon your waist where he gripped you too tightly and covering you up tightly into your old bedsheets to lay together just like the old days.

However Kirishima was just glad he had a lock on his office door. He gripped his phone tightly in his hands after hearing your orgasm brought him to his own. The pretty profanities that fell out your mouth drove him insane. He’d have to seriously clean himself up after jacking off to your explicit moans from over the phone. Did Todoroki mean to hang up? He didn’t care right now, he just cared about good he could still make you feel.

He was going to make you his. Todoroki or not.

[hyunderwater]

now i can't stop thinking 'bout you (01)

beomgyu x taehyun (txt)

genre: fluff, romance, enemies-to-lovers

warnings: swearing, mentions of food

summary: beomgyu and taehyun both have a crush on kai- or do they? (note: no smut this ch but i plan to include some in this fic)

wc: 1.5k

ao3 link<-

01-02-03

- - - - - -

Let’s get one thing very, very clear. Choi Beomgyu has a crush on Huening Kai, not that fucking annoying ass short nerdy loser Kang Taehyun. So why doesn’t anyone believe that?

Beomgyu really only wants to do two things: complain about Taehyun, and dance.

Sorry, three things. He also wants to flirt with Huening Kai.

And there is really only one place where he can do all of those things: dance club practice.

Beomgyu remembers his first day of college in detail: the crowds of students and overexcited fathers, crying mothers, confused siblings, random boxes everywhere, and millions of different clubs trying to recruit students with the same amount of effort as those pastors that ask you for a moment to talk about your lord and savior Jesus Christ.

Beomgyu felt a lot like he was being chased by one of those stupid pastors at that moment.

“Kid- Please- '' the person panted, speed-walking after Beomgyu with sweat rolling down their face in torrents. “Please- Stop- I just-”

They had been chasing him down like he was an escaped chicken for a good amount of time, with the hot sun beating down on them, and Beomgyu finally took pity on them.

“What do you want?” Beomgyu snapped, stopping and turning towards the person. “Oh, thank god!” The person exclaimed raggedly, stopping abruptly and bending over with their hands on their knees. Huh. So they’re probably not a pastor, taking god’s name in vain like that. “My name’s Soobin. Would you like to join the dance club?”

“God, why is Taehyun everywhere? It’s like, why doesn’t he understand that Kai doesn’t want to talk to him? Kai probably wants to talk to me, but Taehyun won’t fucking leave his ass alone! Everywhere I go, I just see those stupidly big eyes and weird face! And why does it work for him? It’s really not fair!”

“You really talk about Taehyun a lot,” Soobin commented, shoveling another bite of cake into his mouth.

Beomgyu would have done a spit take, if he had anything to spit.

“What! No! I mean yeah, the dude’s annoying as fuck but I’m not… obsessed with him or whatever!”

Soobin raised an eyebrow. “Uh huh,” he said slowly.

“The fuck did you even mean by that?” Beomgyu pouted. “I just feel threatened by him. Y’know, I read this article that alpha males often feel threatened by other-”

“What the fuck??” Soobin scream-laugh-choked around his cake, spewing crumbs onto the poor table. “Someone needs to take away your internet access,” Soobin giggled. “I can’t believe you just called yourself an alpha male.”

“Hey! I didn’t mean it seriously, I’m not one of those misogynistic motherfuckers who makes videos enforcing toxic masculinity and tells crusty dusty old men how to manipulate women into sleeping with them!” Beomgyu protested.

“You better not be,” Soobin threatened, brandishing his tiny café fork at Beomgyu.

“I’m literally a twinky fruity feminist girlboss, don’t worry, queen.” Soobin caught sight of Beomgyu’s limp wrist and snorted so hard that a cake crumb came out of his nose.

“Oh fuck, man, are you okay? Shit!” Beomgyu said, abruptly switching back to his normal voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Soobin blew his nose a couple times in tissues he magically produced, then turned back to Beomgyu with a serious look on his face. “But seriously, are you sure that you aren’t feeling anything for Taehyun?”

“Yeah, I feel hate.”

Soobin gave him a look. “No, like…other feelings.”

Beomgyu wrinkled his nose. “What does that even mean?”

Soobin smiled sagely at him and stood up, dropping some dollar bills next to his plate. “You’ll figure it out one day,” he said patronizingly, turning to leave.

“Like you know shit about romance! We both know how long it took for you to even end up realizing your feelings for Yeonjun!”

Soobin just kept walking towards the door.

You’ll figure it out one day. What the hell did that mean?

Some days, Beomgyu really regretted joining the dance club.

This day happened to be one of them.

The alarm on his phone was loud and whiny, filling the dorm with shrill beeps at exactly 4:30 a.m.

Beomgyu sat up so fast that the blankets twisted around his ankles and he flopped onto the floor (why are floors so solid?) and struggled around like a fish on dry land for a couple minutes before he finally managed to get his hands on his phone and turn the ear-splitting alarm off.

“Fuck,” said Beomgyu as he stared at the ceiling, tangled in blankets, half awake, and definitely going to miss the bus if he didn’t haul ass in the next zero seconds.

With that, he aggressively tore the blankets off his legs and hobbled towards the bathroom to start what was probably going to be a very, very long day.

“Hey! Choi number three! The other Chois got here ten minutes ago, where the hell have you been?”

“Sorry, Coach,” Beomgyu apologized. “It’s fine, it’s too late to do anything about it anyways. Don’t forget, though, the high school dance team is in there too, don’t squish them by accident or anything.” Beomgyu snorted. “Hah, okay,” he said, already climbing into the bus.

He walked down the aisles, slowly starting to panic as he realized that the bus was full to the brim with students. How big is this fucking high school team?

He reached the back of the bus, and his heart dropped did the fucking wap.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Beomgyu had resorted to shoving on his headphones and scooching his butt until he was sitting half in the aisle, which really wasn’t comfortable, but all things considered, it was much better than cozying up to his seat neighbor. His music was loud, and he was good at ignoring discomfort, so he could tolerate it, as long as nothing unexpected happened.

One headphone was pulled roughly out of his ear, and he whirled around, automatically slapping at the offender.

“Hey, chill!”

“Wh- I’m not gonna ‘chill’! The hell was that? I know you don’t like me, but what the fuck? That’s so petty, you’re like a schoolboy pulling on a poor girl’s pigtails-”

Taehyun pressed a finger to his lips, quieting him surprisingly effectively. “Oh, good to know something shuts your mouth,” Taehyun remarked in a way that was unbearably attracti- annoying. Unbearably annoying.

“Anyways, what I was gonna say is that I was wondering why you don’t have AirPods or something better than these clunky wires.” Taehyun lightly tugged on the headphone he’d removed, examining the wire with evident distaste. “You really can’t tell me it’s for the aesthetic or whatever, because I know that’s bullshit. These are ugly.”

Beomgyu scoffed, pulling the headphone back and clutching it to his chest, away from Taehyun’s prying hands. “The fuck? They are not ugly, one, and two, why would I spend money on AirPods when these work just fine and cost me no extra money?”

Taehyun shrugged. “Huh, good point, I guess.”

He turned back to face out the window and Beomgyu breathed a sigh of relief.

Maybe the two hours wouldn’t be as unbearably horrid as he’d thought.

Beomgyu’s eyes fluttered open. The light was unbearable, searing his eyes and leaving behind little dots of colors dancing in the cool red darkness provided by his eyelids. He slowly collected his senses, stretching his sore muscles subtly as he nestled deeper into the soft knit underneath his cheek.

“Someone’s cuddly when they’re not trying to be all tough and macho, huh?”

The voice was enough to pull Beomgyu out of his freshly-napped daze, leaving him reeling like a bucket of ice-cold water had just been dumped over his head.

He yanked his head off of Taehyun’s shoulder, eyes widening in panic. “Hooooly- how long- what?”

Taehyun smiled at him, and if Beomgyu didn’t know better, he would have said it was almost fond. “We’re here, sleepyhead.”

Beomgyu glared at him. “Don’t tease.”

He stalked out of the bus, avoiding Taehyun’s eyes at all cost.

The group filed into the hotel, talking amongst themselves excitedly.

Their coach walked to the front of the group, clearing their throat loudly. “Alright everyone, listen up! We made roommates based on your requests, so hopefully you should all be happy with who you end up rooming with.” They looked at them threateningly over the tops of their glasses. “Got that?”

The group nodded, shifting around restlessly.

“Okay, in room 227, we have Jake and Sunghoon.”

The pair high-fived, matching smiles on their faces.

“Room 230, Jay and Huening Kai.”

Taehyun sighed in disappointment, so loud that Beomgyu could hear it from several feet away. Way to be obvious.

“Room 229, Yeonjun and Soobin.”

Yeonjun smiled at Soobin, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Soobin blushed, smacking him in the chest.

“Don’t make me regret that, idiots. Okay, moving on, Room 225, Taehyun and Beomgyu.”

Their coach kept talking, but Beomgyu could only hear a dull ringing in the back of his skull.

That wasn’t really happening.

It couldn’t be.

“This is the worst day of my life,” he mumbled to himself.

next>>>

[haehaeming]

100 random facts about SJ members that may or may not help you with your FF

Or if you’re just... bored

1. Eunhyuk doesn’t like finger prints on screens, glasses, etc... It’s a little thing I find cute

2. Kyuhyun was a fan of SJ’s music before debuting with them

3. Leeteuk knows what ‘daddy’ means in a sexual context

4. Leeteuk also understands the concept of a sugar parent, but it was not a positive experience for him. It’s possible other members also understand this concept.

5. Kyuhyun likes men and women

6. Yesung writes his own music

7. Leeteuk has many unreleased songs

8. Eunhyuk has difficulty with his emotions in a general sense, so he’s thankful SJ understand him

9. When Kyuhyun was a teenager, he has to rebel against his fathers wishes to debut as a singer.

10. Kyuhyun dated many girls as a teenager, but only kissed one

11. Sungmin and Kyuhyun have the highest amount of testosterone among SJ members. This was public information a long time ago, though, and alcohol consumption has probably lowered the number a little over time.

12. Sungmin and Kyuhyun share a love of wine

13. Ryeowook is an affectionate drunk

14. Leeteuk is a Leo Venus which means he’s very annoying (read: passionate) in his relationships (This fact was corrected by @fanbynature , it originally said Heechul was a Leo Venus too but he’s actually a Leo Virgo, bonus fact!!)

15. Donghae thinks Eunhyuks lips look best in the morning.

16. Eunhyuk understands the concept of drag.

17. Yesung is very talkative but only when you’re close to him

18. Yesung would kiss SJ good morning back in the dorm days

19. Kyuhyun shows love through acts of service

20. Yesung shows love through quality time

21. Leeteuk is a huge flirt, any fan who met him more personally will tell you

22. As far as we know, Yesung used to collect all sorts of jewellery.

23. Ryeowook and Leeteuk are into cute things (phone cases with cute characters, charms, etc)

24. It’s said Yesung and Sungmin will sleep the least amount of time, but Ryeowook will sleep the most

25. Sungmin and Leeteuk share a moon phase (Waning Gibbous)

26. Back in the dorm, Donghae would also wake his members with affection, but no kisses.

27. Donghae lost his first love because he was too clingy.

28. Kyuhyun and Leeteuk were consider ‘mom’s friend’s kids’ in their school days because they excelled in everything they did. Like the scold ‘why can’t you be more like my friends kid’

29. Kyuhyun has a HUGE fanboy past. Now he can barely use the Internet without making it clear he’s old.

30. Shindong doesn’t like to be clothed at night or in the summer. He takes off his clothes unconsciously

31. Donghae was entrusted to Leeteuk by Donghae’s father

32. Donghae keeps his habits from the dorm days around Leeteuk even now. When he and Leeteuk would share a room, Donghae would cuddle Leeteuk. Even now, when they share a room to sleep, Donghae sings to Leeteuk to try and lull him to sleep.

33. Kyuhyuns relationship with Donghae has been a little bit confusing for him, but recently he said Donghae is like SJs son

34. Yesung’s favourite song is ‘I’ll Make Love To You’

35. Sungmin is the only introvert in SJ

36. Kyuhyun, Leeteuk and Sungmin are open to book recommendations at all times

37. Because of Koreas age system, Yesung and Sungmin are basically the same age.

38. Sungmin technically ages 2 times on his birthday.

39. Teenage Leeteuk celebrated little milestones in relationships like ‘100 days anniversary’

40. Leeteuk would rather be called his stage name than his given name.

41. DBSJ* worked with a ghost in the recording studio, according to Sungmin

42. Donghae and Eunhyuk share a love of strawberries

43. Kyuhyun does not like to be called with pet names

44. Yesung has always shown interest in Canada for whatever reason

45. Ryeowook played the triangle in his school band. Literally

46. Yesung, Donghae and Leeteuk don’t drink.

47. Leeteuk and Kyuhyun love the colour white

48. Sometimes, Kyuhyun unwinds by solving math problems

49. Kyuhyun cited himself in his college thesis on K-pop’s popularity.

50. Leeteuk is taller than Sungmin. It’s more drastic than you think

51. Donghae and Sungmin have both been deemed as ‘naturally cute’, but oddly enough, Sungmin has said he doesn’t act cute anymore. Donghae hasn’t changed in terms of cuteness once

52. Donghae is very fond of dogs. Kyuhyun and Ryeowook are not

53. Sungmin and Eunhyuk were the closest friends predebut. They would take the bus to SM together and make sure nobody else sat next to them. There’s a picture somewhere online of a predebut Sungmin resting his head on Eunhyuk during one of those bus rides

54. Leeteuk didn’t have many friends when he was younger. Leeteuk still thinks he doesn’t have many friends.

55. Donghae and Sungmin share forgetfulness.

56. Leeteuk and Heechul became friends easily because they’re the same age and look out for each other. Also because if Leeteuk was busy or resting, Heechul would be the oldest and have authority over the young SJ for him.

57. Leeteuk and Kyuhyun taught themselves how to cook. Ryeowook and Sungmin were good at it from the beginning

58. Leeteuk wanted to become an idol because of 90s kpop groups looking super cool. He wanted some of that for himself and now I think he’s one of the coolest people ever

59. Leeteuk smokes

60. Sungmin used to sleep in a pink nightgown. Even now, he doesn’t let the fact go, but he says it’s embarrassing

61. Predebut Eunhyuk stole a Shinhwa CD from SM to impress a girl

62. Leeteuks waist size is 26 inches. The ideal size for women in the west

63. Leeteuk entered to win special edition Nike shoes 100 times total. He won

64. When a younger Sungmin was frustrated, he would vent online. Similar to how Leeteuk would when he was younger

65. Sungmin recently said men ask him for his number when he goes out

66. As far as we know, Yesung used to worry about whether or not he would live to grow old :(

67. Donghae has always had a love of poetry

68. Kyuhyun’s originally near-sighted

69. Both Yesung and Leeteuk struggle to define their relationships with others

70. Yesung doesn’t smile a lot when cameras aren’t on him

71. Eunhyuk doesn’t like seafood. Donghae does.

72. Donghae doesn’t like sweets. Eunhyuk does

73. Sungmin was the first member to open his YT channel back in 2018.

74. Ryeowook is said to be a heavy drinker

75. Leeteuk finds peace in the rain

76. Kyuhyun is said to have one of the biggest hearts in SJ, alongside Leeteuk

77. Eunhyuk first appeared publicly in 1992 on a TV show by complete accident. It made him happy

78. In order to sleep in a new location, Donghae sleeps best if there’s something near him that reminds him of home. This is an old fact holds up today, Donghae often sleeps close to his members

79. Predebut, Eunhyuk and Junsu purposefully tried to make Donghae cry

80. Every roommate Donghae has had, he has had multiple complaints about all of them

81. Yesung bought a turtle a long time ago because he felt bored without a pet. Even after buying the turtle, he was still bored

82. Eunhyuk is constantly getting ‘friend zoned’ by Donghae. It’s mostly Donghae who calls them as friends, Eunhyuk got a million other words

83. Sungmin studies English and music every day.

84. Leeteuk loves to learn and is always studying something new as well

85. In high school, Leeteuk studied German

86. ‘Don’t give up’ was Sungmin’s motto in elementary school

87. Leeteuk and Sungmin are big Na Hoon Ah fans

88. When Donghae was in elementary school, he was taller than his classmates and even had a nickname relating to how tall he was

89. Sungmin is still mistaken for his 20s

90. Sungmin loves to eat, he talks about food a lot, but still diets strictly as a couple with his Saeun~

91. Eunhyuk is clumsy

92. Leeteuk is very different off camera, but he’s always aware of hidden cameras, so it’s impossible to catch him ‘normally’.

93. Leeteuk and Yesung curse like sailors

94. Kyuhyun and Shindong share great memorization skills

95. Donghae doesn’t like to eat alone

96. Yesung is the only Virgo in SJ. Kyuhyun is the only Aquarius.

97. Leeteuk finds some men to be cute. Particularly men with beards (in terms of dating)

98. Sungmin wants to record music in English for his international fans

99. Sungmin and Leeteuk both have a fan they consider a friend

100. Eunhyuk loves to be in Japan

[marauders-venting]

The Staircase Knows

pairing: none (this isn’t a romantic fic)

genre: fluff (mostly)

warnings: internalised transph*bia, mentions of (period) blood, (just note that they are young in this fic and they have simple ideas of gender so don’t come for them)

words: 2612

note: thank you so much to @samyistrying for doing a sensitive reading of my fic and teaching me more about trans identities!!

a/n: in this fic Remus is trans and uses he/him and Dorcas is woman-aligned non-binary person and uses she/they

please know that i am not a trans man!! I read about the experiences of trans men on the internet and other fics with trans characters before writing this so I hope i’ve portrayed this fairly and accurately (but obviously, every trans man has a different experience). if something sounds wrong or offensive to you please let me know!! I’m still young and i want to learn more and improve so that i can make my writing more inclusive

Remus woke up with a groan. He’d had a stomach ache since last night and it hadn’t gotten any better. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and tossed the blanket off him. Upon sitting up, he noticed several red spots on the sheet of his bed. What the… he stood up and saw a big red stain where he had just been sitting. Blood. He quickly scanned the room and found that Sirius was the only one there, still drooling on his pillow. Remus covered the bed with his blanket to hide the stain and hurried to the bathroom. He pulled down his pants and found that both his underwear and his pants were stained with blood. His hands began to tremble. They would know now. He couldn’t hide this from them. All his friends would know that he wasn’t a real boy. A sob escaped him and he covered his mouth with his hand to try and stifle the sound. But it was too late. There was a knock on the door.

“Remus?” came Sirius’ voice. “Remus, is everything ok?” Remus tried to compose himself and give a proper answer but he was crying too hard. “Remus, what’s going on?” Sirius’ voice sounded urgent. “There’s blood on your blanket Remus, what happened?” Fuck. In his rush, he hadn’t noticed that the blanket had been stained too.

“Everything’s fine,” Remus said, but even he could hear how shaky and unconvincing his voice sounded.

“Can I come in?” Sirius asked softly.

“No!” Remus said.

“Remus, if one of your scars have started bleeding again—”

“No, no it’s not that,” Remus said. “I swear, I’m not injured. I’m fine.”

“So where did the blood come from?” Sirius asked.

“I—” Remus knew he couldn’t keep this hidden forever. It was only a matter of time before his friends found out. They had accepted him as a werewolf, sure. But there’s no way they would want a girl sleeping in their dorm. They’d find it too weird. And they’d be mad at him for lying to them so they wouldn’t want to stay friends. It was over. He’d only known James, Sirius and Peter for three years but they’d been the three best years of his life, except maybe the years before he’d been bitten by Greyback but he could hardly remember that anyway.

He’d known that they would find out eventually. But he had hoped for a little more time. The universe never seemed to be on his side though, and the sooner he accepted it the better.

“Just give me one second,” he said to Sirius. He composed himself, wiped the tears off his face, hid the blood as best he could and opened the door.

“Remus, what’s going on?” Sirius said, concern shining through his eyes. “Are you sure you aren’t hurt?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure,” Remus said. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

“Ok,” Sirius said. “What is it?”

He was tempted to say, “nevermind” and crawl into bed with a book but he knew that would only make Sirius more curious. There was no backing out of this now.

“Remus, are you sure you’re ok?” Sirius asked, gently. Remus realised he had not spoken for several moments and was just standing there, hands clenched, chewing the inside of his cheeks raw.

“Yeah everything’s fine,” Remus said, trying to relax his muscles. “I just… I just wanted to tell you…” I can’t do this I can’t do this I can’t do this, Remus thought. Alarms were going off in his head, warning him not to go any further, not to say another word. Shut up. He felt as though a block in his throat was preventing him from speaking. And breathing. He tried to take a deep breath but found himself hyperventilating instead. Fuck.

“Remus, what’s going on? You’re scaring me,” Sirius said urgently.

“No, it’s nothing to worry about,” Remus said, his muscles tensing up again. “I need to tell you… that…” He hung his head and closed his eyes. He couldn’t do this.

“You’re shivering,” Sirius said. “Come on. Sit down and tell me.” Sirius took Remus by the wrist and started leading him out of the bathroom but Remus flinched and pulled his hand out of Sirius’ grasp.

“Sorry,” Sirius said, the guilt seeping through his voice.

“No, don’t be, I… I’d rather stand though… here if that’s ok.” That part wasn’t true. Remus’ legs were shaking and he was sure they’d collapse in on themselves at any moment but he couldn’t sit and cover everything with blood. So he’d stand.

“Yeah, of course,” Sirius said. “Whatever you want.” But Remus still wasn’t saying anything. He just stood, biting his lip. He couldn’t do this. But Sirius didn’t ask Remus to speak again. Remus appreciated that. How did Sirius always know exactly how to help him? Well, it didn’t matter. Sirius would be leaving him soon. Any minute now. As soon as Remus managed to get the words out of his mouth. Better sooner than later, I suppose, he thought.

“Ok,” said Remus, exhaling loudly, “ok, there’s something I need to tell you. It’s not a big deal, really, I’ve made it out to be more than it is. Basically…” Breathe, he told himself, just breathe and go on. “I—” Remus tried to release the tension but he couldn’t. “I—” He got stuck again.

“Remus, it’s ok,” Sirius said. “Whatever it is, it’ll be fine, I promise.” Remus nodded and tried to take a deep breath.

“I’m transgender,” Remus said. Sirius was quiet for a moment. He seemed to be thinking.

“As in you transitioned from girl to boy or you want to transition from boy to girl?”

“As in I transitioned from girl to boy,” Remus said. He was digging his nails into his upper arm, a nervous habit. “I’m a trans boy.”

“I don’t understand,” Sirius said. “What does that have to do with the blood?”

“What? Oh, um, I got my period. I think.”

“Oh,” Sirius said. “Does it hurt?”

“W–what?” Remus asked, looking at him.

“Does it hurt?” Sirius asked again. “Do you need me to get you something?”

“No,” Remus said. “I mean, yeah it kinda hurts. I’ve got stomach cramps but the werewolf stuff is… is worse.”

“Ok,” Sirius nodded.

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” Remus said. Sirius may be acting like everything is ok but Remus knows it’s not. There’s no way Sirius is ok with this. He can’t be.

“What are you talking about?” Sirius said. “You didn’t lie to me.”

“Yeah, I did. I told you that I’m a boy, when really… really I’m… a girl.”

“Hey, Remus, listen to me,” Sirius said. “You are not a girl. So you don’t have a penis. So what? Who gives a fuck? It doesn't make you less of a boy. You can be whatever gender you want, Remus. Whatever gender you are. Are you a boy?”

“I mean, yeah but—”

“Then there’s no ‘but’,” Sirius said. “You are a boy. Case closed.” Remus nodded.

“Thank you, Sirius,” he said, quietly.

“Anytime,” Sirius said, putting an arm around Remus

“But James and Peter—”

“Will be fine with it as well,” Sirius said, cutting Remus off before he could voice his worries. “Trust me, Remus, they won’t care. And neither do I. You are who you say you are. And I’ll support you. And James and Peter will too. But you don’t have to tell them if you don’t want to. It’s entirely up to you.” Remus nodded.

“I think… could we just… keep this between us? Just for a while…” Remus said. “I… I want to tell them just not… not now…”

“Of course,” Sirius said. “Take your time. But whenever you’re ready, it will be fine.”

“Ok,” Remus said, still unsure. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Sirius said, smiling. “Ok, I don’t know shit about periods but do you want me to get Lily to help you with this? Or someone else?”

“One of the other girls, you mean,” Remus said, clenching his jaw. There was no escaping this.

“No, one of the other people who have periods,” Sirius said. “Dorcas isn’t a girl, are they? But she still has a period.” Remus hesitated for a second.

“Ok, get Lily but don’t… don’t tell her about this,” he said. “I think I should be the one to tell her. Just tell her I need some help.”

“Ok,” Sirius said. “I’ll be right back. And Remus?”

“Yeah?”

“Everything’s going to be ok,” Sirius said, pulling him in for a hug. “Nobody is going to look at you any differently because of this. Just like none of us looked at you differently when we found out about your furry little problem. This changes nothing.” Remus smiled a little.

“Thank you, Sirius,” he said. “Really, it… it means a lot to me.”

“Of course,” Sirius said. “I’ll go get Lily then.” And he turned and walked out the door, leaving Remus a little breathless, though he wasn’t quite sure why.

---------

“Remus?” Lily’s voice called. “Remus, what’s wrong? Sirius told me you needed help. Where are you?”

“I’m in the bathroom,” Remus said.

“Oh,” Lily hesitated. “Do you… do you want me to come in?”

“Don’t worry, I’m wearing clothes,” Remus said.

“Oh ok,” Lily said and the door swung open. “What’s wrong?”

“Ok um,” Remus started. He was struggling to breathe again. Why did this have to be so difficult? “I… um— fuck,” he said under his breath.

“Remus, it's ok,” she said. “Whatever it is, you can tell me, I promise. You’re my best friend.” Remus nodded.

“Ok so—” he took a deep breath, “I’m trans. I–I’m a boy but I-I still have a period and… and…”

“Oh Remus,” she said, hugging him. “Thank you so much for telling me. I’m so proud of you. And you know this doesn’t change anything. You’re still my best friend and you’re still a boy.”

“Thanks,” Remus said. “Really, Lils, thank you.”

“So you got your period, huh?” she says.

“Yeah,” Remus nods. “And everything is covered in blood and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.”

“Ah well, welcome to the other side where chocolate and tea and hot packs are our best friends,” Lily said, laughing. “Although I guess that’s not new to you. Ok don’t worry, I’ll help you with this. It’s gonna be fine.” Remus nodded, unable to say anything. “So as usual magic makes everything a whole lot easier because there are spells for practically anything. I think I actually have some pads in my bag so how about I show you how to use those and then you can shower and change and I’ll teach you how to remove blood stains from everything?”

“Thank you so much, Lily, you’re a lifesaver,” Remus said, hugging her.

“Of course,” Lily said, pulling what Remus assumed was a pad out of a small pouch in her bag. “I learnt all the spells and stuff from Marlene so it’s just nice to have someone to pass on the knowledge to myself.” She opened the pad and showed it to Remus. “This is a pad,” she said. “You just peel it off this paper part and stick it in the middle of the underwear. And you see these flaps? You fold them underneath the underwear to hold the pad in place. Get it?”

“I think so,” Remus said. “I guess I’ll find out.”

“Ok I’ll wait in the room,” Lily said. “Just call me if you need anything.”

“Thanks a million, Lils,” Remus said again.

“Anytime, Rem.”

So Remus showered and put on clean clothes and a pad for the first time. Then he came out of the bathroom and found Lily sitting on the floor with her back against the closet.

“You know you could’ve sat on one of the beds right?” Remus said.

“I like the floor,” she said. He raised a skeptical eyebrow at her. “What? I’m serious, I like the fl— oh no, wait! I didn’t mean to say I’m serious, please don’t make the pun!”

“Oh calm down, I’m not James,” he said. Lily shrugged.

“Ok so now I’ll teach you the spell to remove the bloodstains,” she said, standing up. She showed him the wand movement and the incantation, providing an example on his blood-stained sheets. The blood siphoned away within seconds and left no trace. Remus tried it on his blood-stained clothes with the same result.

“You should put everything in the laundry anyway though,” Lily said, “the spell removes the visible stains but it doesn’t actually clean things.”

“Lily, thank you so much for this,” Remus said after everything had been cleaned. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Aww, of course, Rem,” she said. “And you can always ask me for help, whatever you need.”

“Thanks,” he said. “You really are the best. So is there anything else you think I should know?”

“Um,” she thought, “I mean, I guess there are tampons but most people don’t use them on their first period anyway so we can wait with that. But I will give you a couple of packs of pads because you’ll need those.”

“Ok thanks,” he said.

“Remus, how many times have you said thank you in the last five minutes?” Lily asked.

“I don’t know,” Remus shrugged. “As many times as you deserved to hear it.”

“Shut up, I should be thanking you,” she said, hugging him. “I know it wasn’t easy for you to tell me this,” she said, quieter now. “But I’m so glad that you did. And I’m always here for you.”

“Tha—”

“Don’t say thank you!” she said.

“Fine then,” he said. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Rem.”

They went back downstairs, where they found their friends sitting in the common room, talking.

“I’ll be right back,” Lily said and then quietly so only Remus could hear, she added, “I’ll just get the pads from my dorm.”

“I’ll come with you,” he said, following her towards the staircase to the girl’s dormitory.

“But Remus—” he heard James call out. He knew what James was going to say. Lily went up the stairs and Remus, hesitating only for a second, followed her up. Or at least, he tried. But he only made it up two steps before the staircase turned into a slide and he slid to the bottom, Lily slipping down as well and crashing into him.

“Maybe you should wait here,” Lily said, as they stood up and the slide turned back into a staircase.

“Ok,” Remus said, smiling wide.

“Why would you do that?” James asked, confused. “You knew it wouldn't work.”

“Must’ve slipped my mind,” Remus said, sitting beside Sirius. He couldn’t hide his smile but Sirius grinned back.

“Why are you two smiling like that?” Peter asked.

“It’s a nice day,” Sirius said. “Don’t you think?”

“Uh, sure,” Peter said.

“It’s a nice day to leave dungbombs in the Slytherin common room if that’s what you mean,” James said, a mischievous grin stretching across his face.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, glancing at Remus. “That’s what I mean.”

From that day, whenever the dysphoria became too much for Remus and nothing his friends said made him feel better, he’d wait until everybody went to sleep and would go sit on the stairs to the girls’ dormitory that would immediately turn into a slide when he took the first step. He’d sit there and remind himself that everything is ok. He knows who he is. His family knows who he is. His friends know who he is. Even the staircase knows.

[figuring-it-all-out]

Ok, I need to talk about genderfluid Loki in relationship to the “Loki” show. Just a disclaimer: these are feelings I have after episode 2 of “Loki” so this will probably age badly as the show goes on.

Spoilers for episode 2 of “Loki” and theories based on comic book knowledge. So, if you’re like my family & want to keep going into “Loki” with no other knowledge, feel free to skip. Also spoilers for “WandaVision” if you haven’t watched that yet.

For a while now, genderfluid folks on the internet have been waiting in baited breath to see if Loki would be canonically genderfluid on the show like they are in the comics (and Norse mythology). We’ve devoured every kernel of genderfluid Loki we could get, from set photos of Sophia Di Martino in the Loki costume to an ad for the show seeming to confirm Loki being canonically genderfluid. We’ve heard Tom Hiddleston discuss it, we’ve seen Marvel’s continued promise to feature more queer characters, & we’ve seen the creative team say Loki being genderfluid, “was never up for debate.”

Then, at the end of “Loki” episode 2, it seemed to happen.

And I’m already super worried about it.

If you’re hyped for what seems to be genderfluid Loki and you don’t want anyone to rain on your parade, that’s valid and awesome. But I suggest you maybe not read any further because I am...concerned.

To start, if this is confirming Loki as genderfluid, it’s treated as a plot twist which is less than great. Revealing that a character you thought was cis is actual trans (or at the very least gender nonconforming) is a trope that can be found in The Crying Game, Sleepaway Camp, “Nip/Tuck”, and Ace Ventura (among others). And it’s super problematic. Being trans is not a plot twist, being genderfluid is not a plot twist, it’s actual life for many people who are out and living it. The fact that everyone uses assumptive he/him pronouns for The Variant, that past variants of Loki seem to all be men, that Loki NEVER says, “Why do you assume the variant is a he?” and just the way the scene in episode 2 plays out, all of that gives the impression that Loki being a woman AND a man (albeit not necessarily at the same time) is some big groundbreaking twist. In my opinion that sensationalizes genderfluid identity, implying the reaction to a genderfluid person’s mere existence is jaw-dropping spectacle and not, “Oh, cool, you’re genderfluid.” So I’m less than comfortable with that. But bad writing while attempting to represent a marginalized community is still an effort which I appreciate.

You’ll notice I said IF this confirms Loki is genderfluid, because to be honest I’m skeptical that it does. 

I think this might not be Loki, which means the show is using the character’s canonical genderfluid identity from comics and mythology as a red herring. Which is not awesome.

Everything I’m about to say is based in theory so I may be completely wrong and if I am I would be SO happy if I was. But there are a few reasons I think this woman might not be Loki.

The first is actually based on the fact that it’s a plot twist: Loki himself even seems surprised that the Variant they’re chasing is a woman. Why? Loki is over 1000 years old and knows himself pretty well. If he’s genderfluid wouldn’t he know it already?

Why I might be wrong: It would be nice if the next episode starts and there’s some dialogue between Dark-Haired-Loki and Blonde-Loki where the former is like, “Ah yes, I’ve been a woman before,” or something. THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH FOR ME. That confirms Loki IS genderfluid, has been genderfluid this whole time, and even if Blonde-Loki ISN’T really Loki the real Loki would still be genderfluid.

The way Blonde-Loki behaves suggests she’s not Loki. She doesn’t even want to go by the name Loki, she seems completely different from Dark-Haired-Loki, but genderfluid people aren’t different people when their gender changes.

Why I might be wrong: Honestly this could just be a case of less-than-great genderfluid representation on behalf of the writers if we do learn that Blonde-Loki IS really Loki.

This is a small detail but whenever Loki expresses their gender identity in the comics - to my knowledge - their hair color never changes. They’re still Loki, it’s really only a slight shift in presentation that makes them look more masculine or feminine. So they’re always raven haired.

Why I might be wrong: I mean like I said, this is a super small detail that really doesn’t warrant mentioning if it is confirmed that Blonde-Loki IS Loki, but since I’m skeptical it pinged on my radar.

Reason #4 why I think Blonde-Loki might not be Loki is something a lot of people have talked about. In foreign language credits for episode 2, Blonde-Loki is credited as Sylvie. In the comics, Sylvie Lushton is a mortal given Asgardian powers by Loki (or possibly a person who Loki created from magic, its kinda vague) who adopts the title of The Enchantress and becomes a superhero. The Enchantress is also a name used by one of Thor’s main villains in the comics who has yet to show up in the MCU (this villain is named Amora The Enchantress). Like many others, I think Blonde-Loki might really be The Enchantress prentedning to be Loki for yet-to-be-disclosed reasons (possibly a composite character of Amora and Sylvie or possibly just Sylvie). This would explain why Loki is surprised Blonde-Loki is a woman, why Blonde-Loki doesn’t want to be called Loki, and even why Blonde-Loki is blonde (both Sylvie and Amora are blonde in the comics).

Why I might be wrong: genderfluid people using different names when they’re different genders is actually a thing some of us do. It’s possible that if Blonde-Loki is Loki she just doesn’t like that name when she’s a woman. Marvel could’ve just gone with Sylvie as Blonde-Loki’s woman name because of the connection Loki & Sylvie Lushton have in the comics.

Another reason I might be wrong: the MCU has not been afraid to make unique choices when adapting characters to the big screen, such as the Skrulls heroic nature in Captain Marvel. It’s possible we’re working towards some Sylvie-Loki composite character going forward in the future. There are a lot of things that COULD happen that would explain why Blonde-Loki is credited as Sylvie even though she’s really Loki, but since I don’t want to risk being disappointed I’m trying not to rationalize it to myself.

If I’m right, & Blonde-Loki isn’t Loki, that would mean Marvel is queer-baiting audiences with the idea of their first transgender superhero before revealing that its actually a cis-white-lady as a twist. Essentially treating potential genderfluid representation the same way Evan Peters’ being Quicksilver was treated in “WandaVision”.

There are other ways for Loki to be meaningfully genderfluid in the show besides Blonde-Loki. Addressing it with dialogue, having Hiddleston-Loki change genders, stuff like that. And if you are feeling seen by the case file stating Loki is genderfluid or the fact that she/her pronouns are used for Loki in the Spanish subtitles for the show, that’s awesome. But I’m not going to give Disney or Marvel credit for it because in my opinion, if your representation can be easily removed for a theoretical release in China, it’s not representation its queer-baiting.

Marvel KNOWS what they’re doing. As mentioned above, the studio released ads that said Loki was genderfluid. The creative team have all talked about how they want genderfluid Loki. They’re already claiming Loki is genderfluid in the show! So they know people are going to latch onto Blonde-Loki as confirmation of Loki being canonically genderfluid in the MCU. And if that’s what she is that is SO GREAT! I really hope I’m wrong here, but if I’m right & this is the “Loki” version of Fake-Pietro in “WandaVision”, then they’re not just teasing fan-theories. They’re dangling the possibility of actual representation for a community that has to bite & claw to seem themselves in ANY media, before snatching it away for a twist. And that. would. SUCK!

[caranfindel]

Take these broken wings and learn to fly (15.20 coda)

het, but Wincest-compatible | about 2300 words | PG-13 for language | characters: sam winchester, sam’s blurry wife |

Julia has been widowed (God, what an awful word, widowed) for three years when she meets Sam. It’s a work-based friendship at first. She’s kind of lonely and sad, he’s kind of lonely and sad, and they gravitate toward each other. And then one evening they’re at a bar, the last ones left from an after-work happy hour, both of them drinking more than they should, and she thinks he’s kind and thoughtful and smart and he may be 10 years older than me but he’s still hot as hell and I enjoy being with him and I look forward to seeing him and maybe I should just… and she kisses him. He’s shocked; shocked enough to confirm that he wasn’t just hanging around hoping to make it out of the friendzone. And then he’s holding her face in his hands and he’s kissing her too.

It’s good. They’re good together. It’s not the earth-shattering, all-encompassing romance she had with Shaun. Julia knows she’ll never have anything like that again. Most people don’t even get one soulmate in their lives; no one gets two. And she knows Sam doesn’t have that same desperate love that Shaun had for her; she knows she’ll never have his whole heart. (She knows the woman he intended to marry was killed in a fire, she knows another woman he loved went back to her ex. She doesn’t know which of these women still owns that last piece of Sam’s heart.) But she loves Sam, and he loves her, and they get married.

(The sex is amazing. Sometimes he’s gentle, almost reverent, as if he’s afraid he’ll break her, and other times he’s fierce and passionate and almost tries to break her, and she loves both ends of the spectrum.)

She suggests they melt down her old wedding band to make a new one. It was an heirloom from her grandmother, a plain wide band of yellow gold that she loves, that she thought she’d wear for the rest of her life. But Shaun is the one who put it on her finger the first time. It doesn’t seem right to ask Sam to accept it now. A new band from the old gold seems like a good compromise. No, Sam says, I couldn’t ask you to do that. I know a way we can make it ours. He has the inside of the band engraved with the same symbol he wears tattooed over his heart, and makes her promise to never take it off. Bad luck, he says.

He’s such a contradiction. Scary smart, but as superstitious as an Appalachian grandmother. Calm and unflappable, but with a weirdly hyperactive startle reflex. Kind and empathetic, but capable of extreme violence when pushed to his limits (seriously, don’t walk your drunk ass up to Sam Winchester’s wife and lay hands on her, and don’t get mouthy when she tells you to back off) and just really, frighteningly skilled at that violence.

(A little frightening and also very sexy. Julia’s always had a thing for the hero type.)

They both have nightmares. One night Julia watches Shaun’s face melting under his gear and wakes with a cry of horror. Sam holds her as she tearfully describes living on the knife edge of constant fear that comes with loving someone whose job is literally running into burning buildings. I know, he says, over and over, even though he can’t possibly know. The irony of their first loves both dying in flames is not lost on her, but it’s not like his college girlfriend was a firefighter. It’s not like he watched her go to work every day and prayed she’d make it home alive.

Julia’s pregnancy is a wonderful surprise. She and Shaun had tried for over a year before she was widowed, and she just didn’t count on it happening with Sam. They agree not to name the baby after anyone they’ve lost. Let’s not name him after our pain, she says, and Sam is okay with that. (Or he isn’t. But ever since she showed him the positive pregnancy test, she’s known she could ask him for anything. She’s known he would rip out his heart and serve it on a platter if she asked for it.)

But they haven’t decided on a name yet when her water breaks four weeks early. When their perfect baby boy is born at 12:10 a.m., the nurse announces the date and time and Sam looks up at her in shock and blinks away happy tears and says it’s the 24th. It’s my brother’s birthday. Julia is flying high on endorphins; she loves this baby and she loves this man and she even loves his dead brother she never got to meet, and she says it’s got to be a sign; let’s name him Dean.

She takes off her wedding ring, just this once, to have Dean’s birthdate engraved on the inside. Sam does the same with his own ring. He insists they go to a jeweler who will engrave while they wait, rather than leaving the rings there. She waves a hand at her lumpy postpartum body. You afraid someone’s gonna make a move on all this if you don’t keep a ring on it?

He laughs at her and says you’re onto me, even though he’s the one who needs to be locked away, still with that long lean runner’s body and the amazing shoulders and the goddamn dimples. I just don’t like us being without them, he says. He is a sweet, sentimental fool and she adores him. He bends down to kiss her, carefully maneuvering the baby he’s wearing in a sling, and Julia looks at this man and this baby and this life she didn’t think she was get to have and knows she’s happier than she has any right to be. And she’s relieved when Sam slips the ring back onto her finger, this ring imbued with the men she loves, so maybe he’s not the only sentimental fool.

(One thing she loves about Sam is that he understands why she feels guilty that Shaun didn’t get to share this life with her.)

In July they light a little candle for Dean’s six-month birthday. When Julia wakes the next morning, Sam’s side of the bed is empty and cold. She finds him cuddling their sleeping baby in the living room. I got up to give him a bottle, Sam says. I guess I just fell asleep out here. His red-rimmed eyes and empty coffee mug suggest he didn’t actually sleep at all, but, well. They’re both battling their own private demons. If a night cradling the baby gives Sam some peace for whatever reason, she’s glad of it.

Sam’s fierce love for their child takes her by surprise. If Julia has 90% of his heart, his son has 110%. He parents with a vengeance, is the only way she can think of to describe it. Like he’s making up for something. She doesn’t feel slighted, but it’s impossible to ignore that ever since Dean was born, Sam’s prime objective has been to make sure the boy is happy and safe. Everything else comes second.

(When she notices Sam has been carefully marking his tattoo symbol onto Dean’s clothing, hidden near seams and always in a color that almost matches the fabric, she decides not to say anything. He gets a little funny about his superstitions sometimes.)

Sam desperately wants Dean to have a sibling, and they try for another one, but it doesn’t happen. Julia reminds him that they’re lucky to have even one child. That having a sibling is not a lifetime guarantee of companionship and love. She should know, after all, since Stephanie cut her off after she married that asshole Scientologist and decided she couldn’t have a relationship with anyone who wasn’t also in their stupid cult.

Dean has plenty of friends and tons of activities, which Sam encourages with an almost religious fervor, but he never pulls away from his parents. They have so much in common, Sam and his son. Instead of rebelling as a teenager, Dean seems to grow even closer to his father. They spend hours together, paging through the ancient books in Sam’s study (she hates them, they smell musty and make her sneeze) or driving in the old Chevrolet. They even travel together sometimes, visiting those friends of Sam’s that live up north somewhere. Julia met them at the wedding and they were perfectly nice, thrilled to death that she and Sam had found each other. But she always feels like an outsider when they’re around, like they’re part of something she’ll never understand. So much history, with Sam and the brother she never got to meet. They absolutely dote on Dean though, and he seems to love them too, so the boys’ trip to Sioux Falls becomes an annual event.

(Dean is 14 years old when he comes home from one of these trips with his own version of the tattoo.)

When Julia is diagnosed with cancer, Dean is 16 years old. Sam does his best to ensure life goes on as normal for their son but somehow never neglects Julia’s needs. He throws himself into research and is always on top of the latest treatment, always at her elbow with the top internet-recommended remedy for her side effects, making sure both she and Dean have everything they want and need, all the attention and support they can tolerate. She doesn’t know when, or if, Sam actually sleeps. When she feels up for it, he arranges experiences for the three of them. A week lying on the beach, a weekend in New York City, a night in the mountains looking at the stars. When we look back on this time, he says, I don’t want us to only remember how much it sucked. I want us all to have good memories too.

(She doesn’t know why he’s concerned about her memories. There’s a good chance she won’t have much time to enjoy them. But it’s good for Dean. She doesn’t want this to ruin Dean’s childhood.)

Sam insists Dean go away to college as planned. Julia agrees, although she’s kind of surprised he’s willing to let the boy out of his sight. Aren’t you going to miss him? she asks.

So much, he answers. But this isn’t about me, and what I need. It’s about him. They drive Dean to school in the ancient Chevrolet. Supposedly because the trunk has room for all of his stuff, but Julia is pretty sure it’s just one last sentimental road trip in the old thing before Sam retires it. When they pick Dean up at the end of the school year, it’s in her SUV. Dean promises his father, more than once, that he’ll restore the Chevy someday.

Five years after Julia’s diagnosis, she’s sitting in the doctor’s office learning that her last remission was her last remission. There are no more options. She has months, not years. Sam clutches her hand and nods, once, as if to say I should have known this would happen; I should have expected something like this. Then he takes her home.

It’s a blessing in a way, he says late that night, after a little too much to drink. Knowing what’s coming. Having time to say goodbye. You don’t always get that. And yes, she knows this as well as anybody does.

Sam has always been supportive of her choice not to contact Stephanie, but one day he says Jules, I promise I’ll never bring it up again. It’s just that I don’t want you to have any regrets. I don’t want you miss the opportunity to say things that you’ll wish you’d said. Julia isn’t sure Steph will speak to her. She’s not even sure she’ll have the same phone number — they haven’t spoken since Dad’s funeral, a year after she was widowed — but she makes the call. And Steph answers. And cries. And comes to visit, where she hugs and cries some more. Sam watches it all with a sad smile for a while, then disappears into the garage to sit in the old Chevy.

When Julia takes her last conscious breaths, Dean is holding one hand and Sam is holding the other. She squeezes her son’s hand and thinks I love you, dear boy, and I’m sorry I have to leave you. She squeezes her husband’s hand and thinks thank you for giving me this, thank you for taking care of me, thank you for loving me and letting me love you. Then she closes her eyes and lets the soft, warm darkness take over.

And then. Then she wakes to a cool breeze and the sound of chirping birds. She’s standing at a lake she recognizes. It’s Shaun’s favorite fishing spot. And Shaun is there, waiting for her. And everything is okay.

Sam does show up eventually. Julia’s sitting on the porch of the cabin with Shaun, enjoying the perpetual nice day (sometimes a spring morning, sometimes a fall afternoon, but always nice) when she hears the familiar rumble. It cant be, she thinks. It can’t be that old car. But it is.

I’m glad you found someone with good taste in cars, Shaun says, as Sam unfolds himself from the driver’s seat. He looks exactly as he did the day she met him; no glasses, only a little grey at his temples. Still tall and strong and beautiful. She runs to meet him and embraces him as Shaun watches from the porch.

You found Shaun, Sam says. I’m so happy for you, Jules. I really am. He doesn’t seem to have any intention of joining her (their) Heaven permanently, but he doesn’t seem to have anyone else with him either. Where is the dead girlfriend? How is this fair?

They talk about Dean, and Julia’s heart swells with pride over her strong, smart, kind, brave son. He’s like you, she says. He’s just like you.

Sam shrugs. He’s a Winchester.

But what about you? she says. You’re not — you’re not alone here, are you?

Nah, he says. I’m good. I promise.

(Eventually Julia meets the first Dean, and she understands.)

===

I know a lot of people have mocked Sam's blurry wife, but I actually have grown to love the concept. Because it means she can be anything we want her to be. And yeah, initially I liked the idea of her being Dr. Cara, or Eileen. But now I don't think that would happen. I think Sam would have to start fresh to have that kind of relationship. And I also like the idea of Sam's wife having her own soulmate somewhere, waiting for her, so she's not a huge part of Sam and Dean's shared Heaven. I mean, they're gonna visit, obviously. And then they'll go home to their soulmates.

The title is from "Blackbird" by the Beatles.

[thegreymoon]

Broker

Oh, ffs 🙄

***

YES!!

PLEASE, AND THANK YOU!

***

Ugh, I hate it when a show gets on a soapbox like this to make the main lead somehow morally superior through idiocy of this kind 🤮

NOBODY in their right mind goes and advocates for a nasty, jealous backstabber who has been making their work life miserable to stay in the workplace after making a critical mistake. There is being kind, and then there is being this fucking stupid. 

***

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE.

But richly deserved, nonetheless 🤬🤬 She should not have stuck her nose in here and should have let the backstabbing moron get fired. With that said, if Moron™ sabotages her experiment, I hope Xiaoshan murders her and dissolves her body in a vat of acid. 

***

LMAOOOOO, the dude has lost his everloving mind 🤣🤣

This was me, everyday, at my old job 🤣🤣 When it became incomparably difficult to restrain myself from beating my shitty boss and his fucking bootlicker with a chair, I decided to quit. 

***

LMAO, this has got to be the weirdest dick-measuring contest I have ever come across in dramas: competing who is better at implanting fertilized cells into mice 🤣🤣

Anyway. Go! Go, Xiaoshan!! I am rooting for you!! 🎉🎉

***

Who would have thought watching mice get inseminated could be this exciting 😅😅

***

The amount of privacy and confidentiality laws this fucking clown working in a GOVERNMENT HOSPITAL keeps breaking on a daily basis is just staggering. 

***

OMFG, they are explaining the fucking Schrödinger cat 💀💀 WHY? WHO CARES?? LET’S GO BACK TO INSEMINATING MICE, PLEASE!

***

I cannot even begin to describe how much I don’t care for the office nonsense, either at Jianing’s lab or the idiot sister’s hospital 🙄🙄 Come on, people, you know what we are all here for! Please bring LYX back! 

***

LMAOOO, WTF WAS THIS WHOLE THING WITH THE MUSCLE CAR 😅😅

Oh, Jianing, so you are also a special kind of insane, aren’t you 😬 I was kind of waiting here with a baseball bat to beat the living daylights out of Xiaoshan when he inevitably drags you into into his secret mobster lifestyle, but you would like that, wouldn’t you? 😅😅

***

Aww, babies had a quarrel and are no longer sitting together 🤗

The adorable angst of it! Let’s see if it lasts past this episode 😋

***

Baby won the stupid mice insemination bet!! 🥳🥳

Anyway, this whole thing was incredibly stupid. Imagine letting one of your best researchers go because of some bruised egos and ruffled feathers 🙄 All of this for some pointless drama. The whole thing is ridiculous. Mr Wang (or whatever that old man at the head of the lab is called) should have put a stop to this bloody nonsense immediately, but then again, he does seem very incompetent, considering he has been letting his underlings run around like a bunch of middle school mean girls and cultivating the most toxic of work environments 🤮

***

At least they are back to sitting together 😄

I love them together 💙🖤

***

LMAO, did Moli’s potential boyfriend just get Gege approved only because he watches the same cartoon as Jianing? 🤣🤣🤣

***

LMAOOOOO, and how would you like to be punished, cutie? 😏😏

LOOK AT HIS CUTE LITTLE FACE AND TELL ME HIS MIND IS NOT ALL THE WAY IN THE GUTTER 🤣🤣

***

Crying 🤣🤣

Asexuals unite!! I will never forget that one time in college when I was doing this stupid quiz with some friends and the question was whether I would choose great sex for the rest of my life, or great internet, and I of course chose the internet. I didn’t even need to think about it and only figured out it was the “wrong” answer because everyone was staring at me like I’d grown a second head 🤣🤣 But, of course, I too might be persuaded to make an exception for LYX 😋

***

LMAO, I couldn’t agree more!

Chocolate wins over men any day! 

***

His face 🤣🤣 I can’t stop laughing 🤣🤣🤣

This is the first time this pair of clowns has been actually funny since the show started 🤣🤣

***

OMG, they are also advertising Wolong nuts 🤣🤣

This episode is turning out to be unexpectedly satisfying and hilarious! 

***

OMFG, she’s such a goddamn moron 😫

I have never in my life studied chemistry nor been in a lab and even I know that you have to go in appropriately dressed, and you’re telling me that this idiotic woman is supposed to be an expert in this field?? 

With that said, she is so inappropriate, immature and irresponsible. Sun Lei has all the points in the world for wanting her gone. Seriously, how does she still have a fucking job?? And what the absolute hell is wrong with Jianing, taking her on a CRITICAL fucking project that she’s absolutely going to try and sabotage because she’s a resentful, ungrateful idiot 🤬🤬

***

The cafeteria gossip bores me out of my mind. It’s so base and inane 😑 Please, let’s go back to the lab to grow things! 😭😭

***

Okay, so the two of them have an insane amount of chemistry 🔥🔥 

I AM SHIPPING, SHIPPING, SHIPPING 🛳🛳

***

God, she’s so hot in her pink suit, I will cry 😭😭