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primal-slayer · 5 months

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Re-designing Wonder Woman

Various writers/artists talk through redesigning Wonder Woman

CBR News: Diana's new costume was revealed in "Wonder Woman" #41. In her own words, it was finally time for her to leave the 'girl behind' and embrace then woman that she's become. What can you tell us about the new design and why it represents Diana as a god, a queen and a warrior for justice?

Meredith Finch: One of things Dave and I discussed was that the initial costume that she wore was the one that she put on when she left Themyscira and went into the world of men. At that time, she wasn't part of the Justice League. She was just herself. I wanted the costume to be more in line with what other members of the Justice League are wearing. I also wanted it to be in line with the fact that she is a queen now. If you look at the costume that Hippolyta wore -- traditionally, queens tend to put on much more ceremonial costumes. And, she's also a warrior, so I wanted to be a really strong, solid costume. It hints at the Amazon culture but also fits in the modern world.

When making a major decision, like changing an iconic costume, how much credence lies with fandom and those that have loved the costume since the days of the Linda Carter TV series and the George Perez miniseries and what serves your story and new readers of the title?

If you look at the sketch designs that Dave did (published in "Wonder Woman" #41) for the new costume, first and foremost, they are all intended to be reflective of the character. And when you find something that works, it's like a title for a book: It just works. Dave did quite a few costume designs, and once he did the one that we landed on, it worked instantly for both of us. Getting approval from DC Editorial was fairly easy, because looking at it, the costume just has a synergy with the character. It's strong and reflective of who Diana is, and is still very recognizable as a Wonder Woman costume.

Does the costume have any special properties, or is Diana powerful enough that she does not need any extra protection?

The nice thing is that because it's a new suit, if we decide that we want to add something to it, we'll be able to do that. But looking at who she is right now, she's not just Wonder Woman and an Amazon princess -- she's Wonder Woman and the God of War. As a god, she really is invincible. The suit is much more a reflection of who she is than an addition to who she is. But to be fair, it was designed by Hephaestus, so I am sure there is something special in there because he does love her. https://www.cbr.com/finch-on-signifi...ys-redemption/

“She’s been locked into pretty much the exact same outfit since her debut in 1941,” Mr. Straczynski wrote. “If you’re going to make a statement about bringing Wonder Woman into the 21st century, you need to be bold and you need to make it visual. I wanted to toughen her up, and give her a modern sensibility.”

He added, “What woman only wears only one outfit for 60-plus years?”

Given Wonder Woman’s pre-eminence as a female character in the largely male superhero pantheon, her looks have always been a matter of more than casual interest, to both fanboys and feminists. In a 2006 interview about her work on the series, the novelist Jodi Picoult said: “One of the first things I did was ask if we could give her breast-reduction surgery, because as a woman, I know you wouldn’t fight crime in a bustier. But I was somehow shot down by DC.” The new costume was designed by the artist Jim Lee, who in February was named co-publisher of DC, alongside Dan DiDio. Given the assignment, “my first reaction was, ‘Oh my gosh,’ ” Mr. Lee said in an interview. But he welcomed the challenge: “When these characters become so branded that you can’t change things, they become ossified.”

The new look — with an understated “W” insignia, a midnight blue jacket and a flinty fusion of black tights and boots — is darker than the famed swimsuit-style outfit, and aims to be contemporary, functional and, as Tim Gunn of “Project Runway” might say, less costumey.

Given the hope that the character will one day have her own international film franchise (a feature has long been gestating at Warner Entertainment, DC’s parent company), one test of the design was to imagine how it would look standing next to, say, Batman’s politically neutral ensemble. “The original costume was the American flag brought to life,” Mr. Lee said. “This one is a little more universal.”

Mr. Lee has drawn his share of sexy superheroines (the X-Men’s Rogue among them), some in skimpy costume, and knows what many fans will ask: “Why am I covering up her legs?” Ultimately, he wanted her to look strong “without screaming, ‘I’m a superhero.’ ”

The arrival of Issue 600 is a bit of comic-book sleight of hand, or, as DC calls it, a return to historical numbering. Wonder Woman’s first self-titled series, which begin in 1942, ended with No. 329. The character was then overhauled, her previous continuity erased, and she starred in Volume 2 as a heroine new to the world. That incarnation lasted 226 issues. Another new direction spurred a third volume (and, to collectors who care about such things, another Issue No. 1) that ran for 44 issues. Do the math, and what would have been Issue No. 45 is now Volume 1, No. 600.

The new costume will almost certainly be better received than the curveball thrown Wonder Woman in 1968, when she lost her powers, dressed mod and practiced martial arts. It took the attention of no less than Gloria Steinem to protest the change, and to help get the Amazon back into her star-spangled duds. Ms. Steinem went on to use Wonder Woman, resplendent in red, white and blue, on the cover of the first issue of Ms. magazine in 1972. A cover line proclaimed, “Wonder Woman for President.”

That’s the kind of attention Mr. Straczynski thinks she deserves: “Wonder Woman is a strong, dynamic, vibrant character who should be selling in the top 20, and I’m going to do all I can to get her there.” http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/30/bo...S8G9WNUsmwNo5Q

I got to design the Wonder Woman costume for our Earth Two series, with just some small tweaks by Jim Lee. It’s my version of her battle armor as apposed to a classic variant. It was the most appropriate direction considering the context.

Truthfully, I like the middle ground between pure fantasy and practicality. I want to know how a costume works, what all the parts are for, where did it come from, what it’s made of. I want there to be a practical nature but for that to not limit the design. https://sciencefiction.com/2012/03/1...-nicola-scott/

IGN: I'm glad you brought up the costume. Both you and Nicola are obviously drawing Diana at very different points in her life. Can you talk about the process of redesigning her look and what influences you drew from?

Sharp: Yeah, there's the basic one from the New 52. There's elements of that. There's also elements from the film version. With the one I'm doing, Greg was like, "Do you like the film costume?", and I said I really liked it. So let's just do that. That's settled. I was very happy to adapt that look for what I was doing with the costume. Nic's has slight variations. I talked about this with Greg. She'll wear different outfits. For instance, the cape is ceremonial. It's not always going to be there. We're of the belief that these characters live in a real universe. Obviously it's a fictional universe, but they wouldn't continue to wear the same clothes all the time. It's just ridiculous to assume that they would. So there are variations, and that's fine with me.

Scott: In the Year One story, I had asked if we could take the film costume and make it just a little more comic book-y and a little brighter and shinier. This is her first outing wearing a Wonder Woman costume. It's freshly minted. The breastplate has just come out of the forge and it's just been dyed. It's fresh. It's her first adventure off the island.

Sharp: Whereas mine is all tattered and beaten up and scuffed.

Scott: And probably has pieces replaced. It's a more mature outfit, where mine is meant to make her look a little more optimistic. https://www.ign.com/articles/2016/05...s-diana-prince

MFT: Did you design the costume? How did you approach the task of a Victorian-era Wonder Woman design?

PW: Yes, I based it on a Victorian/Western showgirl. I looked at the original costume, hence the eagle, but stylized it to give it a more turn-of-the-century feel. I looked at Art Nouveau artists like Alphonse Mucha especially and some of the Pre-Raphealite painters like Holman Hunt, Millais, and the more stylistic Dante Gabriel Rosetti and also Victorian painters Alma Tadema and John William Waterhouse. It was important for me to understand Victorian scruples as much as their idealization of beauty. https://fanbasepress.com/press/featu...oman-amazonia/

]JF: From my perspective I’m really inspired by the designs that these film-makers are coming up with in these movies. A lot of the times I sit there and I look at these designs and go, “These are great! Why aren’t we thinking about these designs in comics? How come we didn’t think of that first?” I have to say, it’s really cool to see that Ben Affleck’s Batman costume looks like it does in the comics. It’s taking its cue from the comics, you know? So I made a joke on Twitter that I’d been drawing Ben Affleck’s Batman for the last three years. I draw this guy with a giant chin in a Batman suit.

We came up with our Wonder Woman design, and a lot of people would think that our Wonder Woman design is based off of the movie Wonder Woman, but actually it’s based off of an old drawing I did five years ago that Geoff found and really liked. So we used that as a costume. Then it just so happened that, “Oh, Cool! There’s a Wonder Woman costume that kind of goes in that same direction!” I think with the comics, visually, we want these characters to look as classic as possible. The more classic you make your characters look, the longer life your book has. It can transcend time. It’s not stuck in a time period where it’s, “Well, remember when they did that?” It’s these characters are in their classic looks.

We really talked about that because we want this book to be as big as possible. We want it to be as timeless as possible, and we want fans to come to our Justice League to see the characters in their classic designs, and just dive into the story and go from there. We want to deliver the best visual and story book that we possibly can. We want you to feel like you’re getting your money’s worth with these books, every single month. That’s our goal. http://www.multiversitycomics.com/in...war-interview/

Wonder Woman isn’t wearing her traditional costume but pants. Tell me a bit about how you came up with the look? Which do you prefer? Are these Amazon pants or off the shelf pants?

“You know what Lois like to see when she gets home? Pants. Pants on everyone.” As for these pants, they're store-bought. Or maybe “borrowed.” We’ll get to a more traditional look (or an amalgam of the various “traditional” takes) later in the arc. I had one idea for that one. Jorge took it, and ran with it and gave it his own twist, and it looks GREAT. As for her “vigilante” look when we meet her, we were going for something a little more urban combat-y. Pockets. Knives. Hair up. Some of her Agent Diana Prince look, mixed in with a bit of her (in hindsight, unjustly) lamented “Odyssey" look. Of course, we’d be remiss to not have her bracelets/gauntlets. She can’t NOT have those. Therein lies madness. https://dcwomenkickingass.tumblr.com...der-woman-once

Themyscira is just the start of Paquette’s visual re-imagining. “My first thought when Wonder Woman with Grant was mentioned was ‘I don’t want her to be dressed as an American flag.’ Not because an American flag is wrong but it made no sense. She’s coming from such a rich, wonderful culture with so much iconography (Greek culture), so why does she not use that, and why would she dress up as a flag? She’s not Captain America. But at the same time, I understood that this kind of iconic colour/texture is something that’s recognizable, so in that aspect it does have value. If I could reach the same design with a few differences, but make it so it’s not coming from the flag, it’s coming from a natural extension of her culture, I could live with this. The retro-engineering of her costume into something that makes sense is already embedded into the story.” He details some of the changes he has in mind. “The animal associated to Aphrodite is a dove so instead of an eagle on [Wonder Woman’s] breastplate, it will be more of a dove. It’s not the American eagle, it’s the Aphrodite dove. Stuff that creates [the letter] W is by accident, so it’s not like she already has a letter of the alphabet on her [costume]. In the end I’ve created a structure so it feels inevitable for Wonder Woman to look the way she does.” https://thatshelf.com/interview-yanick-paquette-on-wonder-woman/

#wonder woman #diana prince #diana of themiscyra #diana of themyscira #dc #dc comics #dc rebirth #superfriends #superhero #smallville #amazon #justice league #earth 2

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leam1983 · 1 year

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Renewal

The weekend went by swimmingly - a little too much so by my usual standards.

What really came as a shock was seeing Walt commit to his plan, and to do so while inauguraring the most Dad-worthy summer outfit I've seen him put on, with grey slacks, a lighter-tinted gray Hawaiian shirt, a straw fedora and sandals. The last time we visited the cabin, he didn't so much as loosen his necktie!

Again, as promised, we dogpiled the exact moment we finished unpacking and did so without any alarm planned. Sarah woke up on Friday evening and let Walt and I snooze through most of the evening, and we both woke up around 2 AM. Walt wasn't as refreshed as I was and he'd snored like a motor boat, but we fixed ourselves some Paninis and watched Late Night TV while eating. Followed some cuddling and our falling back asleep on the same couch.

Our internal clocks being a bit out of whack, Walt and I began Saturday around 6:30 AM by sitting on the front porch and drinking coffee. Sarah got up around 9, at which point we began discussing meal plans for the weekend. Once everything was set, Walt took me out for a bit of an endurance walk and then helped me with a more involved training and physical therapy session. By the time I'd worked up to sit-ups and he was giving me his corniest Burgess Meredith impression, I was fairly worked up. Sarah had been working on an HTPC build for our living room, back at the apartment, and took a pause from that to join us in, erm, a different kind of cardiovascular exercises...

The afternoon mostly involved books and more napping. We cooked ourselves some French onion soup for dinner and probably ate our respective weights in baguette bread and various local fine cheeses and grapes - and out came the caramel apple pie Walt had picked up at a nearby bakery. Followed coffee and tea and a looong round of Cards Against Humanity, which we more or less used to decompress after the last several weeks. God bless blank cards and blank card packs - we managed to tailor something of a personal extension packed with all our in-jokes and our work-related gripes. Walt had challenged us to run through the entire set of expansions, but we balked after clearing The Absurd Box - re-sorting all those cards would've been a fucking nightmare. We settled with sprinkling a few extra cards from here and there, instead. Note to self: check out Crabs Adjust Humidity, a supposedly raunchier and nastier take on the base game.

That took us well into the early hours, with Walt and I collapsing into bed by 3 AM. He snuggled me like never before, and apparently woke up first. He'd warned me he wasn't going to let me work on anything over the weekend, and I woke up this morning to homemade pancakes, fruits and some maple syrup, served in bed. Sarah had apparently received the same treatment, but disobeyed Walt's instructions to go hang in my doorframe while sipping on her OJ. We shot the shit for a while, Walt pretended to look resigned to not being able to serve his two favourite people a breakfast meal in bed, and we mostly spent the morning gabbing away in our pajamas. Things got steamy again, but we didn't progress past heavy petting - Walt just wanted us close for a little while.

Followed a quick canoe ride on the lake out back with a two-hour lakeside nap for Walt, and we then packed up and went home.

"Why this weekend?" I asked him, on the way back. "You could've waited for Canada Day, you know."

He glanced at me while driving and gave me a smirk. "You've all but killed my old Federalist spirit, sport. Ontario never made me feel welcomed; and it's in Quebec that I put down roots. I might never speak French the exact same way you do, but you and Sarah took just another job and elevated it to my calling."

Sarah had taken the back seat so she could lounge by sitting sideways on the longer stretches. "I feel pretty much the same way," she said. "If Quebec's where the two of you are, then Quebec is where I belong and I'll be proud to speak its language."

That got a laugh out of me. "You realize I write about the two of you in English, right?"

Walt chortled. "Personne n'est parfait, tu sais!"

Nobody's perfect, huh? Yeah, that about sums up Quebec's view of the wider world. Don't speak French? Ah, nevermind that, you'll fit in just fine within a few years. Bring your food, ignore the bigots and start complaining about the weather. You'll fit in that much faster if you do.

#life post #cw: sex mention #lgbtqa+#bisexuality

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fictionalmysterykillers · 2 years

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Mystery Monday

This past week, Kutztown University was on Spring Break. This gave me the opportunity to kick back and relax, while doing the one thing I haven't done in a while-- open a new book. While I have been doing readings for my classes, that is not the same thing as reading for pleasure. Pleasure is exactly what I found when I read Mary Kubica's Local Woman Missing.

Local Woman Missing was about the disappearances of Shelby Tebow, and a few days later Meredith Dickey and her daughter Delilah. The fast-paced vanishing of both woman and a child created a sense of distrust and unease throughout their sharing neighborhood, causing friends to turn on each other and loved ones to question each other. 11 years later a girl, calling herself Delilah Dickey stumbles back into the small town that was the site of her disappearance. Everyone wants to know what happened to her, but no one is prepared for the truth.

Local Woman Missing was the exact mystery I was looking for to get myself back into the mystery genre. It had suspense, guessing games, and one shocking twist that I am still not 100% over. The emotion and shock that came through this novel are why it is one of my all-time favorites.

Kubica gave the novel multiple points of view that gave the novel new angles that rounded out each of the characters. The character of Leo Dickey made me sad because of all the trauma he experienced from losing his mother and sister, the character of Delilah gave the suspense of the novel from her escape, next, the character Kate gave the important POV of the outsider trying to help, and the character Meredith Dickey gave the readers sympathy over her the cause of her disappearance and the shock of how it all went down.

The only thing that I wished the author had included in the novel was a longer epilogue that explained what happened to the characters a few years after the resolution. I want to know what happened to Leo and how he is faring and if he and his father have worked things out between them. I want to know how Kate is coping with her loss and if she has moved on. And I want to know about Carly and Delilah and how their lives have changed for the better or for the worse.

Overall, I believe the author did an impressive job depicting each of the characters and their mindsets, and I hope to read another one of Mary Kubica's works. I heard that Just the Nicest Couple is another best-seller of Kubica's, so I will need to check it out.

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incarnateirony · 4 years

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Someone dropped this in my submission box instead of ask box, “So I’m trying to genuinely understand what you’re saying is you understand corporate execs at the CW had a hand in the ending of supernatural? I’m not judging not attacking I swear I’m just trying to make sense of it because I had no idea about any of this up till now because I had stayed out of online fandom because well for years it felt big but anyways am I getting this right?”

---

The CW has a hand in everything. Here’s how this generally works.

The authors have ~relative~ freedom on a show. That is to say, the execs really don’t sit there splitting the nuances of the storytelling the fandom is receiving. They generally don’t even identify major markers that any of us would know (see: not even recognizing what the Roadhouse is.) -- we all knew the original ending had TFW at the Roadhouse as framed and spoiled by 15.04 among other details, and the whole “heaven/mental bar” theme from DSOTM, Nihilism, and Last Call all amplified this as an inevitability--but when you ask about “hey, is there a bar in heaven?” and get a “no?” that tells you they don’t even understand *ancient* plot beats like the Roadhouse, much less the ramifications of what it’s supposed to entail. Oh look at that, the roadhouse was just in fucking heaven like we said, but you identified it as a “cabin” because of filming locations and your basic notes.

Corporate has very basic compliance demands. They expect X, Y, and Z. What X Y and Z are across different shows vary depending on their markets. As long as the authors operate within X Y and Z, the corporate face essentially works off of synopsis of pitches and ideas.

This is also why I’ve talked about queer writing history and people being careful what they call queerbait: you don’t know what their X Y and Z are. The WB for example does not really CARE about representation. I’ve blogged about this often. We’re dollar signs. If they can package a new product to market it explicitly as LGBTQ fare, then they’ll turn you into a revenue machine by feeding you that particular fodder. When it comes to legacy shows--which is funny, because when the suit went off in my DM about this, they used the exact same phrasing as me--they’re going to play it safe, especially if they don’t truly understand the returns from the demographics they’re observing.

The space between X Y and Z is where the authors have liberty to push and, the longer and harder they push, the louder the content is allowed to get.

Here! I’ll even quote them directly, somewhat truncated because they ranted for fucking PARAGRAPHS.

“In reference to the media landscape, on a corporate level we do not distinguish fandoms. [...] That said, legacy shows such at Arrow, Supernatural, and even Flash are relics and we never really endeavored to reinvent the wheel on a corporate level, we are more focused on shows that are newer and still in our pipeline to premiere. [...] As for social media like all businesses and brands the engagement itself is key, but the content of the engagement is mostly irrelevant, though every show does have certain keywords that are often used in conjunction with harsher interactions blacklisted.”

The funny part is, they thought they were preaching to me like this was new information, but those of you that have been around my blog will PROBABLY RECOGNIZE this is almost VERBATIM exactly what I have told everybody over the years. Enough I half-suspect some trolls out there will think i wrote it myself and made it up and lob that accusation around. But there’s about 50 people that watched this conversation as it unfolded.

If you guys get mad? You’re still giving them PR. If you engage the content? You’re giving them PR. If you guys get bitchy ENOUGH? They completely blacklist a certain kind of engagement. I have literally been telling you all of this for years.

They don’t care who you are or what you want, just if you’re watching and what they at-best roughly estimate your demographic as desiring. So for example, Supernatural reading as a largely non-urban white demographic in its viewership, especially with a heavier lean in red states than most shows on the network, they presume to cater to what they perceive that demographic wants, rather than individualizing the understanding of the content, because they do not distinguish the shows or fandoms. “Oh, heavier republican white non-urban demographic” is where their understanding ends at, which is why they’re going to be utterly mystified why even my trump-voting republican neighbor from rural Alabama looked at the end result and went “what the fuck?” -- they weren’t expecting a big gay confession, but they were expecting a different sort of final tone.

Of course they’re never going to take that on for themselves and go “wow, we’re giant blazing dumbasses that understand nothing about the show!” -- they’ll, for example, claim they don’t leave network notes, when they’re still the ones passing material along about demographics and expectations etc etc. Their notes are *basic*. They do not leave *extensive* notes. Because extensive notes require extensive understanding of the content.

So for example: Berens spent since S9 slowly gaying up our show. Since they do not pay attention to the fine details of the story contents (lol no bar in heaven lolololol just a cabin lololol), he never got a note to *stop*. But it was not within the original structure plans and didn’t technically fit the demographic notes. The show continued to get aggressively gayed up, and Berens never really signed a note like “hey, I’m gaying it the fuck up” so even fandom reporters were going “THERE’S NO INTENT THERE!!!!!” -- berens operated in his very basic X, Y, Z landmarks to expand content within a story the suits literally do not pay the fuck attention to.

Corporate’s understanding is basic: dudes stabbing monsters and brothers against the world. Play in that box and keep these demographic notes in mind. You’re good.

They’ll NEVER mention blacklisting issues directly beyond what they admitted in the above quote but I DO remind you I have ranted ON AND ON AND ON how much Destiel fandom shot themselves in the goddamn foot with a fucking bazooka with the Chad Kennedy incident years ago. Others like Emily handled it intelligently to inform the *authors*. No, the network will never tell you if they blacklisted Destiel, but I informed you pretty heavily years ago that odds are, yeah, they probably fucking blacklisted Destiel.

Add in paying attention to the things Berens himself liked (if you don’t believe, scroll to Nov 5 on his tl)

Like, listen. berens knows exactly what he did and did the best he could do in the situations that were set up for him. And, frankly, I had been talking about this season as a writer room rebellion all year--just like corporate DID leave them a note in S11 that they couldn’t kill god. But if they couldn’t kill him or cage him, they would find another way. In 17 we said goodbye to Meredith and, in a way, to a MAJOR portion of Dean’s substantial story. In 18, we said goodbye to Bobo, and frankly all the parts that grew into queer Castiel that came with it. 19 and 20 became residual notes of hitting expected plot beats on the head on a rhythm, tying off godforces, and then just sliding into the Dabb subversion of them having learned to grieve, let go, and process emotions-- just the surrounding delivery left the feeling of more ~wanting~ on that front which is understandable.

But these are the kind of things people don’t even ~think~ about. This is WHY I’ve turned myself into a bulletshield protecting Berens’ work for YEARS while people yelled about queerbait not understanding the years of process he used in his unbabysat space to make something unable to dodge.

More posts he liked:

This isn’t a solo story. At the same SDCC he leaned over to my friend and grinned, whispering, “I hope you like what I did this year.” -- he knew. He knew and he fought his ass off but there was an end of the line.

That end of the line having an extra note or two to drop in the finale--never a big gay confirmation, just a “everyone’s there together, assume what you want” --is its own thing. As it is, Jensen even remarked how much of his dialogue got cut in final draft out of 18, and if the brazil dubbing footage leak tells me anything, they got the raw version before it was cut. And before they ADR’ed Dean’s sniffling collapsed against the wall. They had everything right, beyond the fact that there was supposed to be more dialogue from Dean along the lines of, “You can’t go”, or “you can’t leave” (difficult to determine what a ESL person seeing an english draft then yelling in portuguese then translated back to english meant, specifically, but something in that ballpark -- just like “don’t do this” came as “no it’s not” through the translation pipeline), and other similar minor bartering about this. And we’re not even gonna get into Dean’s hilariously loudly ADRed sniffling on the wall. Here, Jensen, breathe IMMEDIATELY into this microphone.

But they’re never going to tell you this. Of course they’re not.

Summarily, corporate had half a year of having to re-manage scheduling everybody’s flights and planners during covid rewrites to stare directly into the huge gay abyss and fuck things up.

It’s all about the unmonitored space vs the monitored space. Of COURSE they’re never going to fucking tell you these things.

FRANKLY I am DYING to see the Portuguese dub of the show to see what the fuck they do with it, all things considered. I’m pretty sure the suit in my inbox that’s trying to vagueblog around things sideways now never accounted for the fact that there’s copies of the raw available in some parts of the world. I’m... pretty sure they thought they were my only leak source in fact.

Either way--it’s not that corporate micromanages and passes constant notes. It’s that they gloss over vague summaries and plans, drop a few base expectations and performance boxes. It’s up to the authors how to kick up dust inside those boxes.

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jazy3 · 3 years

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Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X17

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I liked this episode, but I wish they had gone deeper and delved into things in a more in depth way for many of the storylines. It also felt to me like there should have been a Part 2 and that this episode should have been Part 1 of a two part finale rather than the Finale itself. I wish they had done this episode the one week earlier or that they had spaced out the content between two episodes because then we could have gotten longer scenes between each of the characters rather than short snippets.

I loved seeing Meredith back at the hospital working again and doing what she does best! I like Meredith in her new role, and I think combining that with starting to operate again as Richard once did is a good fit for her at this point in her career and in her recovery. I really enjoyed her storyline with Bailey and their conversations about tradition versus forming a new path because I can see both sides. I can see why doing the speech and following in Richard's footsteps was important to Bailey, but I can also see Meredith's point. As she says people are dying every day from COVID and the last thing the students need is for someone else to talk at them about medicine when what they really need is to practice and see real examples.

My favourite parts of the episode by far were the scenes with Meredith and Hayes! I loved the OR board scene. I loved their banter and the way they smiled at each other. I love that Hayes was cracking jokes about Meredith getting sick and them not being able to go out for a drink because of the pandemic because admitting how scared he was and how much he cares would be too painful. And I love that Meredith totally got that and matched what he was saying because it’s scary and painful for her too. In this scene we learned that Meredith knows that Hayes is the one that found her and that she remembers him talking to her while she was unconscious, begging her to fight, and talking to her about her kids.

We got confirmation that Hayes was asking Meredith out on a date at the end of last season and that she wishes they could have gone and had a drink before the pandemic hit. Hayes’ jokes about her getting sick to avoid having to turn him down and that it must have been some other Irishman begging her to wake up only work because it’s clear how untrue all of that is. Meredith clearly wants to go out with him and he’s obviously been worried sick about her and she knows that otherwise she would have reacted differently when he made those jokes. But she gives as good as she gets, matches him, and plays along because admitting how scary all of that is is just too much.

I also loved their scene in the Attendings Lounge although I wish it could have been longer and in a more intimate setting like one of their offices or a meeting room of some kind away from prying eyes. I love how Hayes just rolls with the punches. When he comes into the room Meredith is crying on the couch. It’s Christmastime and Hayes knows as a fellow widow how hard that the holidays can be. He comments says as much to Meredith, but she’s not in the mood for talking about how much she misses Derek, so she changes the subject and pretends that she’s upset about her patient Gerlie not being able to get a lung transplant.

So, Hayes plays along and talks about how great that would be. He then tells Meredith he got her a present and gives her a bottle whiskey. When Meredith comments that it’s opened and half full, he replies that he got for her on short notice. Which implies to me that he was planning on getting her a bottle of whiskey for Christmas, but he figured he’d see her later on, but when the opportunity arose for them to have a drink and he happened to have a half full opened bottle of whiskey he decided to give it to her as a gift rather than wait till later. Either that or he bought the bottle for her as a gift and then when he didn’t see her wound up drinking part of it only to run into her shortly thereafter.

I love that they were finally able to have a drink like they talked about, but I wish the scene was longer and more intimate. I was really hoping to see them talk about how hard it must have been for Hayes to find Meredith in the parking lot after what happened with Abigail and her time on the beach. I’m hoping that we’ll get to see that next season during one of their dates. I also really want to know what happened after they cut away. Did they continue to drink in the Attendings Lounge before going home? Did they retire to one of their offices to drink some more before going home?

I really loved the scene with them at Maggie’s wedding. The adoring way Hayes looked at Meredith and her kids as they came down the aisle and the look they shared during the ‘in sickness and health’ part of the vows. I’ve seen a few different interpretations of this and I would like to share my favourites. I’ve seen some people say that Hayes looked over at her and they shared a look because they both know what it means to love someone and watch them get sick and die young. Others have speculated that Hayes looks over at her because he waited for her when she was sick and now she’s healthy. Others have suggested that Hayes looked over at her in that moment and Meredith saw him in her peripheral vision and so she looked over and they shared that moment before turning back to the wedding.

Like a lot of fans I was really hoping to see them dance at Maggie and Winston’s wedding and while I’m disappointed that that didn’t happen she wouldn’t be Meredith Grey if she didn’t leap into action when her patient needed her. Plus, we now know that Teddy and Owen are engaged and will likely get married next season so they could presumably dance at their wedding. I wish the scenes between Meredith and Hayes in this episode had been longer and more intimate, but I understand that moving the timeline forward eight months made that difficult. It felt like they cut away from their scenes just as it was getting interesting and so with Meredith back on her feet and the show having moved forward to April 2021 I’m hoping that next season there won’t be as many time jumps and we’ll get to see longer more meaningful scenes with Meredith and Hayes like we did last season.

I'm excited to see them pick up this storyline next season and hopefully move it from a slow burn to a raging fire. Because I gotta be honest I was super into the slow burn element last season, but this season I was a bit annoyed. I sat through many a relationship of Meredith’s that I knew wasn’t going to work out or that wasn’t right and watching her and Hayes dance around each other when they could be together and happy is getting a bit tedious. Especially since I’m not as invested in the other couples as I am in Meredith and Hayes. I was super invested in Tom and Teddy, but now that’s over and with Tom in Boston there’s no chance of that storyline coming back full time.

I like Maggie and Winston and I like Amelia and Link but I’m not as invested in those couples as I am in Meredith and Hayes so I’m hoping for more movement next season. I love Meredith and Hayes together so much! I love their friendship and I love them as a romantic pairing. I love their banter and how they just get each other. I truly believe they will get together next season and that their relationship will be a big plot point in Season 18.

While I loved Maggie and Winston’s wedding the drama it took to get there to me was a bit ridiculous. While I'm glad that Maggie’s Dad and Winston’s Grandmother objected so that they could have a real wedding at the end of the episode which is what they really wanted and deserved I was frustrated by how that came about. Maggie literally made that exact point the previous episode and Winston took it as Maggie getting cold feet and was really upset about it. If he had just listened to Maggie and really thought about what she was saying he would have gotten it.

Instead, he got upset and Maggie wound up compromising to the point that the backyard wedding wasn’t at all what she wanted, and Amelia wasn’t even there because she got called into work. Maggie did all of the compromising and Winston did none. Then his grandmother makes the same exact point as Maggie did the week prior and suddenly he gets it? It felt a bit like drama for drama's sake. That being said, I loved their official wedding! I thought it was beautiful. I am happy that Maggie finally found happiness with someone who gets her (most of the time) and I'm excited to see her adjust to married life next season.

I have a similar critique about Amelia and Link’s storyline. Up until these last couple of episodes they’ve had a very healthy relationship which was sabotaged when Link became convinced out of the blue that Amelia wanted to get married and have more kids when she specifically told him she did not want to get married anytime soon and he brought up having more kids then went to go get popcorn and then never asked her whether or not that was something she wanted. Which frustrated me because it felt like a rehashing of a storyline they’ve already done.

Amelia has already gone through this with Owen more than once. We saw Cristina go through this with Owen before that. What is it with men on Grey’s Anatomy becoming convinced that their girlfriends want to get married and have a bunch of kids when they literally tell them that they don’t or they’ve never asked them? I was sad to see them fall apart in this episode and I feel like it was a lack of communication on both ends that caused the break up. Link became enamoured with the idea of getting married and having more kids even though Amelia told him she didn't want to get married and he never actually asked her if she wanted more children and ignored her obviously panicked response when the topic came up multiple times. Amelia for her part was clear she didn't want to get married anytime soon, but struggled to tell Link she didn't want more kids because he was so excited every time the topic came up and having gone through that with Owen multiple times before she dreaded how it might end so she avoided the topic. I think Link went way too far with proposing to Amelia and by saying yes to fostering Luna without talking to Amelia first. Also, where does Link get off telling Amelia that Zola, Bailey, and Ellis aren’t his family but he loves them anyone and then arguing that it’s the same with Luna?

Amelia and Link were both close to Meredith before she got sick and were living at her house. Amelia and Jo like each other but aren’t that close. Amelia looked after Meredith and Derek’s kids back when Derek was alive and has been a part of their lives for many years and Link had spent time with them before Meredith got sick. Amelia had never even met Luna prior to this episode. Also looking after your dead brother’s kids when your sister-in-law is in the hospital and might die is very different then agreeing to foster a high needs baby so that your partner’s best friend can adopt her.

To top it off, Link literally tells Amelia that Zola, Bailey, and Ellis are her family but not his family technically and then turns around and tries to propose to her at Meredith’s house in front of them and when he gets upstaged by Owen decides to use those same kids to propose to her at her sister’s wedding. He got the kids involved when he straight up told Jo he wasn’t sure if Amelia would say yes. Why would you do that if you don’t know what the answer is going to be? Now the kids are upset and these aren’t just random relatives.

Amelia and Link raised those kids for two months while Meredith was sick. Amelia outright says in an earlier episode that Zola has big wedding dress dreams, but that she doesn’t want to get married so why on God’s green earth would Link think that involving Zola who has been through enough was a good idea? All that being said, I really do love Amelia and Link together as a couple and so I hope that they can find their way back to each other next season. You don't have to get married or have more kids to be happy. They can be happy just as they are, so I hope that they find a way to communicate better and work things out because I love them as a couple and Amelia deserves her happy ending. She's worked so hard for that.

Speaking of proposals, Link’s not the only one who pops the question this episode. After reconciling with Teddy and supporting her when she contracts COVID, is asymptomatic, and then recovers Owen is inspired to propose once again. Owen, Teddy, Leo, Allison, Amelia, Link, and Scout are gathered at Meredith’s house with Zola, Bailey, and Ellis for Christmas Day when it starts to snow in the backyard. It’s revealed that Owen set up a snow machine as a Christmas present for Teddy. He then gets down on one knee and proposes in front of everyone. Link is displeased and Teddy accepts.

I love the shade that Meredith threw at Owen in that scene. “Including your ex-wife,” she says because Meredith is a good sister and she is Team Cristina and Team Amelia always. She tolerates Owen and his nonsense because he keeps marrying her sisters and having kids with them, but she’s got no problem calling him out on his BS. Good for Amelia being so happy for Owen and Teddy. She’s a better woman than I am. I would not be happy for Owen and I definitely wouldn’t be clapping and cheering. Something I noticed throughout the episode is that Link seemed to take Amelia’s joy at the happiness of others getting engaged and getting married as a sign that she wanted that too while outright ignoring the look on Amelia’s face, her words, and the tone of her voice when the topic of marriage and having more kids actually came up.

I think Link saw what he wanted to see in this episode because he became so enamored with the idea of being married to Amelia and having more kids with her that he couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Jo even points out to him. Anyone paying attention could see that Amelia does not want to get married or have more kids, but Link was so caught up in the joy of it all that he failed to see what was right in front of him. As for Owen and Teddy engaged, I’ve never been a Teddy and Owen shipped, but if this means that the drama, fighting, and nonsense is over then I'm happy for them.

I hope they make it work this time because both Teddy and Owen have hurt so many people in the course of their ongoing drama over the seasons. They've hurt Beth, Cristina, Amelia, and Tom just to name a few and so many people got caught in the crossfire. I mean how many times did Meredith tell everyone involved that what they were doing was a bad idea? I hope they make it work because if not Owen and Teddy will have spent a good chunk of the series hurting themselves and everyone around them for no reason.

This is a personal opinion, but I think proposals at big family events and holidays are super tacky! If you propose on a holiday you’re upstaging the kids and/or the host of the event, like Owen did at Christmas, and if you propose at a family event you’re upstaging the happy couple and/or hosts, like Link did at Maggie and Winston’s wedding, and you’re making a day that’s supposed to be about something or someone else all about you and your partner. If it doesn’t work out you’ve just ruined that holiday for everyone, and everyone’s memories of that day are forever tarnished by your poor judgement.

I know some people love that kind of thing and kudos to you, but I find it extremely tacky. If someone did that at my event or wedding, I’d kick them the hell out and probably never speak to them or invite them to anything again because upstaging a bunch of excited kids, the happy couple, or the hosts of the event is extremely selfish and self-centered in my opinion. Especially if you don’t know what the answer will be. While Owen upstaging a bunch of kids at a family event at someone else’s house felt very in character to me because he’s always pulling stuff like that Link’s proposal and his proposal attempt felt very out of character to me.

One big critique I had of this episode and the previous one is that both Link and Winston acted very out of character to me. Up until this point they've come across as loving and supportive partners who know exactly what they are getting into. In the last two episodes of the Winston got upset about something totally reasonable and refused to listen to Maggie and then was forced to conceded when his grandmother put her foot down. None of which would have been necessary if he had just listened to Maggie and really thought about what she was saying.

Likewise, in the last two episodes Link goes from being completely understanding of what Amelia is saying about marriage and someone who talks things through to becoming convinced that Amelia wants to marry him and that she’ll say yes if he does a big grand gesture surprise proposal during a major family event. He tells Amelia he wants more kids and then gets up to make popcorn before Amelia can say anything and then becomes convinced that she wants more children too even though he never outright asks her and it’s obvious she’s opposed to the idea because she looks absolutely panicked every time the topic comes up.

On a more positive note, I really loved Jo’s storyline in this episode. While I'm not a fan of Jo's OBGYN storyline I loved her storyline with Luna and I am so glad that she decided to fight for her and was able to adopt her. She deserves to be happy after all she's been through and her adopting Luna felt like her journey came full circle in a lot of ways. I loved the Tom cameo! I am a Tom fan and I love that he'll continue to be a part of the show as a shareholder going forward. I also really loved the Jackson cameo. I thought Jo buying Jackson's penthouse suite apartment from him was perfect. It tied up a loose end and it enabled Jo to adopt Luna and finally have a nice place of her own. I hope we see more cameos like this throughout next season.

As this season comes to a close, I have to say I really loved Meredith's time on the beach, and I loved seeing Richard step into a new role at the hospital and really shine. As for what I’d like to see next season, I really want Meredith and Hayes to start dating and become a couple and for their kids to meet and for them to become a happy blended family. I want Meredith and Irene to meet and bond as originally planned. I want Amelia and Link to figure their stuff out so they can be happy. I hope we get to know Winston more as a character and that they bring in someone new to head up Plastics that Jo can date. I think seeing her dating as a new single mom could be really interesting. I want Dr. Mason Post the hot vaccine doc to come back and I'd love to see him and Levi end up together. I'd also like to see Bailey and Richard get some juicy storylines.

Until next time!

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amelialincoln · 4 years

Note

sentence prompt “i’m gonna throw up” said by amelia

if you ever see this thx!

“You ready?” Amelia called into the living room, her mouth full of apples. “Do you want me to grab you something for the road?”

“I’m good,” Link replied as he entered the kitchen.

“You’re nervous,” She stated, eyeing his unsettled demeanor.

“Am not.” He looked up at her with a teasing grin before swallowing worriedly. “Should I be?”

Amelia laughed, tossing him a protein bar. “You’ll be fine. The lecture rooms are always packed for me since I operated on Nicole. I doubt anyone will show up to yours,” she teased.

“It’s mandatory for interns and residents,” he grumbled, taking a bite out of the protein bar. “This whole presentation thing is dumb. If I was an intern or resident I wouldn’t want to sit through a presentation given by every attending in the hospital.” “Not every attending,” Amelia corrected with a smile.

“I don’t know how you got out of this!” Link’s exasperated tone made her laugh.

“I’ve done my time presenting. I have actual surgeries to perform.” She grinned at him jokingly before grabbing the car keys and turning the knob to their apartment.

“Babe?”

“Yeah?” Amelia turned to find him holding a small syringe with a sympathetic smile and groaned.

She felt bad for missing Link’s presentation, which had apparently gone well. He was grinning from ear to ear when he sat down at the table for lunch.

“Someone’s happy.”

“It went well,” he stated, his face flushed with pride. “Since Nico left I need more residents interested in ortho.”

“I have mine this afternoon.” Alex chimed in, biting into his sandwich with resentment. “Bailey finally forced me to do one. I could be doing a pancreatectomy with Mer today instead but no.”

“Just skip it, I doubt anyone will care.” Meredith shrugged, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear as she jots something down in a notebook.

“It’s not like you’ll be missing me,” Alex grinned. “You get to operate with your boyfriend now.”

“Alex.” Meredith warned, glancing up from what she was studying. “We’re not in highschool.”

“Then stop acting like it. You can’t keep your hands off eachoth--”

“That’s it I’m leaving.” She packs up her notes, trying to keep a smile off her face.

“Tell Cormac I say hi,” Alex calls, using his first name for extra impact. Meredith glares at him.

“Alex,” Jo scolds, grabbing a piece of his sandwich and popping it into her mouth. “Stop being a dick.

“She’s happy,” he grins. “She likes him.”

Jo lets out an exasperated sigh and rolls her eyes. “Are you guys watching any of the presentations today?” Amelia and Link both shook their heads. “I didn’t plan on it but the rest of my day is free so I wouldn’t mind,” Amelia shrugs.

“I’m not operating until tonight,” Link agrees. “Do you know who’s presenting?” “Other than this idiot?” Jo teases. Alex throws bits of food in Jo’s direction. “You’re a child.”

“Am not,” Alex huffs.

“I know Carina’s in a half hour and Koracick is later tonight. Other than that I’m not sure,” Jo answers.

“I wouldn’t mind seeing Carina’s, she usually has something interesting going on,” Link offers.

“Oh really?” Amelia taunts.

“You shouldn’t be the one to talk,” Alex coughs, receiving a glare from Amelia and a confused look from Link. “Sorry, I’m leaving,” He chuckles.

“Hey,” Jo greeted Amelia and Link as she and Alex took seats beside them. Carina was setting up her computer and the room was buzzing with interns and residents. “Not a lot of navy scrubs.”

“Nope,” Amelia shrugged. “I guess everyone else actually has stuff to do.”

“This is stuff,” Link argued. “We’re educating ourselves.” “Right,” Alex nodded sarcastically. “You guys wake me up when it's my turn.”

“Where’s your laptop?” Jo inquired.

“I’m taking the improvisation route,” he replied. “Hey, the interns love me.” He justified himself to Jo’s unimpressed expression. The lights dimmed and the buzz in the auditorium began to subside. Carina clicked her remote and the screen turned on. Amelia let out a tiny gasp of surprise and her hand suddenly gripped Link’s leg.

“Hey, babe,” Link whispered. “What’s up?” He turned to find her staring frozen at the screen.

“Today I’m going to be talking about anencephaly in infants and how an earlier diagnosis of this birth defect can be achieved.” Carina stated proudly. Amelia couldn’t tear her eyes away from the screen. Every part of her wanted to cover her ears and block out what Carina was saying but she couldn’t. Instead she stayed frozen in her seat. She could feel Alex’s eyes on her. She knew if she turned to him he’d have that sick sympathetic look on his face that everyone she’d ever told about Christopher had given her. The auditorium was suddenly a hospital room and in her arms was a rounded, warm blanket. Little squeaks filled her ears, the same ones that had replayed in her mind a million times.

“Amelia?” Link’s hushed, worried voice brought her back to reality. He brushed his fingers over hers and she looked down to see her knuckles white, gripping into his thigh.

“I’m sorry, I…” she trailed off. Link could see panic in her eyes. Then something changed and she rocked forward slightly. “I’m going to throw up.” She pushed past Jo and Alex and quietly exited the auditorium. She barely made it to a waste bin before her entire breakfast spilled out. She felt Link’s hands pull back her hair as she spat the last couple of chunks into the bin, cringing at the acidic taste.

“Is she okay?” Jo’s voice entered the hallway.

“Jo,” Alex pulled back his girlfriend who’d followed the two surgeons out of the auditorium. “Don’t draw attention.”

“She’s sick, Alex.”

“She’ll be okay,” he winced as he took in Amelia’s panicked state. “Just give her space.” He tugged Jo back into the lecture room.

“Mia, talk to me,” Link pleaded before glancing at her abdomen. “Do you think you’re having morning sickness?” “I think I’m having a panic attack,” Amelia admitted through gasping, shaky breaths.

“Oh.” Link’s eyes flew open. “Come with me.” He guided her into and on call room before wrapping his arms around her and coaxing her into breathing regularly. “Feeling better?” “Mhmm,” Amelia replied shakily, trying not to spill the cup of water that Link had passed her. He helped her take two large gulps and then placed the cup on the ground.

“Lie down,” He ordered, wrapping her in the bed’s duvet. “You’re freezing.” Amelia nodded and curled up into the covers, relaxing into Link’s protective grasp. “Are you okay?” He finally allowed himself to show emotion and Amelia was surprised by the pain in his voice.

“Yeah.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” she confessed. “Can you just lie with me for a bit?”

“Of course,” he sighed, placing a careful kiss on her forehead and wrapping his arms around his trembling wife. “I love you.” “I love you too.”

Amelia awoke to the light peeking through the blinds of the on call room. Link lay soundlessly beside her, his brow furrowed in concern even in his sleep. “Link.” She shook him awake. “Your surgery.” “It got pushed,” he groaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Come here babe.” He opened his arms wide and allowed Amelia to cuddle up to him.

“I had a baby,” Amelia stated.

Link’s eyes opened in confusion. “Pardon?”

“When I lived in LA.”

“With Addison and Charlotte?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “My fiancé,” she started, ignoring Link’s uncomfort, “the one who died. It was his baby.” She wasn’t sure why she was telling him this. “Anyways, I didn’t want to get a scan cause I was high for the first month of my pregnancy. I thought there was no way that I could be carrying a healthy baby.” Her voice filled with pain as she continued. “And I was right because I found out five months in that my baby had no brain.”

“Anencephalic.”

“Yeah,” she swallowed back a sob. “And um, I was five months so I couldn’t really do anything about it at that point.”

“Oh Mia…”

“So I had the baby, Christopher, and he lived for forty three minutes and he was beautiful.” Tears were running down her face. “So I think that’s part of the reason why this IVF thing has been really hard. Cause I’m worried that even if I do get pregnant there’s going to be something wrong.”

“Amelia the chances of that happening again are so low.”

“But not zero,” She wiped her nose on her scrub top. “It’s just been a lot, Link.”

“If I’d known--”

“I didn’t want you to coddle me.” She turned to look at him. “And for you to give me the exact look you’re giving me right now. The look that everyone gives me when I tell them.”

Link looked away, “I’m sorry.” He brushed away a couple tears of his own, cursing under his breath that he should be stronger for her. “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t tell me things. I want to be there for you no matter what. Nothing you could tell me is going to make me think that you are any less strong or capable than I know you are.”

“I think I might be, Link.” She finally admits, feeling the weight she’d been carrying for the last couple of days lifting off her chest. “I haven’t taken a test but the last couple of days have felt different.” She couldn’t meet his gaze. “I’ve also been craving pepperoni which is the only thing I felt like eating when I was pregnant with Christopher.”

“Amelia.” Link was speechless.

“Link, if anything is wrong with our baby I won’t be able to forgive myself.”

“You won’t have to,” he puts simply. Suddenly he’s smiling and tears are falling down his cheeks. “We’re going to have a baby?”

“Possibly,” she nods, laughing as he throws his arms around her. “Careful.”

“Sorry, sorry!” He exclaims before pressing a feather light hand to Amelia’s stomach in awe.

“Link, baby steps.” Amelia winces.

“You’re kidding,” Link groans, before meeting Amelia’s worried blue eyes. “This is good?” He confirms.

“We need to get past the first trimester and then we can call it good,” she replies lightheartedly.

“You’re gonna have a baby bump,” he practically sings. “You’re gonna have my baby in your belly.”

“About that.” She bites her lip. Link looks up at her with shock. “I’m kidding!” She laughs.

“I hope he has my humour,” Link growls, mocking a hurt expression.

“He?” Amelia questioned.

Link nodded, “We’ve already agreed.” “We?”

“Me and baby,” Link explains.

“I still need to take a test.” Amelia shakes her head in amusement. Link was already running out the door. The test, taken in the attending lounge’s washroom, confirmed Amelia’s suspicion. Suddenly they were both crying and Link was wrapping his arms around her, taking extra special precaution around her midsection.

“I love you so much,” he kept whispering into her hair.

“I love you too,” Amelia whispered, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that a baby was growing inside of her for the second time.

#amelink #amelink fanfiction #amelia shepherd #amelink fanfic #Atticus Lincoln #greysanatomy #Meredith Grey #jo wilson #alex karev #jolex

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drmarc · 4 years

Text

Breathe Again

So this is my first try at writing jolex and i just really needed to get this idea out of my head and then my mind wouldn’t turn off and my fingers wouldn’t stop typing and then it turned into this, so yeah, i hope you guys like it though!

feel free to judge me though, i am all ears

i am also all ears for anyone who needs to talk to anyone about anything, i’m a really good listener

trigger warning: self harm, mentions of suicide

This cannot be happening. The timing could not be more right and wrong at the same time. Just my luck, Jo thought while staring at the results in her hand. She was pregnant. 11 weeks, to be exact. She was almost done with the first trimester, how could she not notice she was pregnant? She’s a doctor, for God’s sake!

Her thoughts then wander to how Alex would know immediately. He told her once that pregnant ladies have a smell, that he’s just that observant, and then proceeded to tell her about how he knew April was pregnant again with Jackson’s baby, with Arizona the only one knowing about it and before everyone else knew about it.

Alex, oh Alex. Jo’s eyes start to fill with tears with thoughts about her husband. Yes, he is still her husband and yes, she will sign the divorce papers. She has to let him go, she knows that. But a part of her is still hoping that maybe, later, tomorrow, or next week, he’ll burst through those doors and tell her that he should’ve talked to her first, and they would’ve worked it out. She probably would have left her fellowship and moved to Kansas with him. She would have loved those kids of his like they were her own. But he didn’t give her that choice, instead, he chose for her, and broke his promise and vow in the process.

Jo knows Alex loves her. With everything they had been through, they both knew how much they loved each other. Jo just wishes this wasn’t how their story would go. But she will give birth to this child. She will raise this baby and she will tell Alex she’s pregnant. No matter how hurt and mad she is, she knows Alex has the right to know. But not now. Now, she has to go and make the future of medicine possible.

Jo puts the results inside her bag and throws on her white lab coat, her finger tracing the name embroidered on the left side of her chest. She sighs before walking off to the lab and gets started with Dr. Bailey.

“Okay, Dr. Ka-, I mean Dr. Jo is going to take over for me while I go and deal with whatever the hell my doctors are up to now.” Bailey says as she steps back once she sees Jo walk in the room and they gown and glove her.

“We got this, Dr. Bailey.” Maggie says behind her mask, briefly looking up to look at Bailey then at Jo, who nods in agreement. Bailey nods back at them and walks out as Maggie starts a conversation with Jo.

“So, I heard you’re going on a vacation this weekend.” Maggie says, glancing up at Jo who was in front of her. Jo glances up at Maggie before returning her eyes back to the patient open on the table.

“It’s not so much a vacation, it’s kind of like a conference-slash-reunion.” Jo says. Well, technically, she’s not lying. There is a conference-slash-reunion happening at Harvard in Boston. She’s just not attending, she’s using it as an excuse to go to Kansas to finally tell Alex she’s having his baby. She’s been sitting on it for weeks, thinking everything over. He’s happy, she knows that and she doesn’t want to ruin that but she knows Alex, he could come back to Seattle a few years from now and see this kid that’s his and knows he missed years of another one of his kids’ lives. And that will inevitably hurt him. And she’s signed the divorce papers, she just has to mail them in but she’s planning on giving them to Alex, so that he would be the one to make this decision. She’s giving him a choice.

“Oh? You’re going to Boston then, huh?” Maggie slowly makes the connection that Kansas, where Alex and his family currently resides in, and Boston are fairly close.

“Yeah, my old professors and classmates are pushing me to go now that I sort of have a name and a career.” Which is true, and not a lie, she’s just ignoring their emails, texts, and calls.

“Oh.” The surgery continues on without a problem and another conversation. As Jo and Maggie are scrubbing out, Jo sees Maggie open her mouth to start another small conversation from the corner of her eye, and hurriedly walks out the scrub room to avoid small talk.

“Oh, Jo, how was the surgery?” Bailey says, as Jo approaches the nurse’s station, the nurse handing her her tablet.

“It went smoothly, Dr. Bailey, vitals are stable, everything is fine.” Bailey nods at her as she checks in her tablet for the patient’s chart.

“What time are you off, again?” Jo hands her tablet back to the nurse and checks her watch.

“In a few minutes, actually.” Jo says and she takes out her phone to check her flight schedule. Bailey looks at Jo then back at the tablet before speaking again.

“And when are you coming back?” Bailey’s been suspicious of Jo for a few days now, but everyone’s been wary of opening up any topic that could relate to her ex-husband. She doesn’t know exactly what’s going on with Jo, and she doesn’t wanna open the topic unless she’s sure of what is actually happening.

“In a few days, maybe 3 days tops.” Jo and Bailey start walking down the hall towards the attendings’ lounge.

Bailey hesitates to ask her more questions but pushes against it and asks her anyway, “Where are you going again? Boston, right?” Jo narrows her eyes, but doesn’t turn her head to look at Bailey and instead answers her question as they continue to walk to the attendings’ lounge.

“Yes, I’m attending a conference and a reunion at Harvard.” They go into the lounge and Jo starts to fix her things and change her clothes as Bailey plops down on the couch after grabbing an apple from the table.

“Okay, well, if you’re going to extend your stay there, just give me a call or an email.” As soon as Bailey says that, Jo sighs in frustration and Meredith and Link walk into the lounge.

“Mer, Link, can you please tell Dr. Bailey that I am fine, that I don’t need a vacation,” Meredith and Link look at each other with confused eyes and look at Bailey who is already looking back at the two of them with wide eyes, discreetly pointing to Jo while her back is turned to her. “And that I am only going to Boston because some people won’t freaking stop messaging and calling me.” Bailey puts on a smile and drops her hand when Jo turns back around to look at her.

There’s a moment of silence that envelops the room before Jo turns back to narrow her eyes at the two standing in front of her and Bailey. After a few more moments of silence, If it’s even possible, Jo narrows her eyes at the two more and they speak up.

“She’s fine, perfect really.”

“She’s absolutely okay, a-okay.”

Meredith and Link say simultaneously with excessive hand movements and Bailey opens her mouth and closes it back as she stares at the two in disdain, and they just shrug their shoulders at her.

“See? I’m fine. Yes, my husband left me, and yes, I am mad, but like he knew and said, I understand why he did what he did. I am going to Boston tomorrow morning to attend the conference at Harvard, and I am going to attend a reunion a day after that, and then I am coming back here, where my work is. Goodnight.” She finishes packing her things and walks out the lounge. She sighs and stops as she turns the corner of the hallway. She blinks away the tears that are threatening to pour out of her eyes, and walks inside the elevator.

Jo's in Kansas. Baldwin City in Kansas. She's in the same vicinity of where Alex is. Alex who now was a family here. In Kansas.

She's in a small diner in Kansas, close to Shawnee Memorial where Alex said he was going to apply and is probably now the head of Pediatrics. She's having lunch but is currently experiencing braxton hicks, or at least that's what she thinks they are.

She waves a waitress over and asks for the bill. She can't bring herself to finish her lunch because of the pain and just wants to go back to her hotel room to lie down.

Jo pays the bill and leaves a tip on the table. She stands up from her seat but immediately holds on to the table in front of her as a fairly strong braxton hicks hits her. She tightens her hold on the edge of the table and breathes deeply waiting for it to pass but it only seems to strengthen.

She stands there and moves to sit back down but is met with a more powerful braxton hicks and loses her balance, causing her to fall down and a few people come to her aid.

“Ma’am, are you alright?” The waitress is the first to address her. She vaguely hears someone saying ‘Call 911!’ She groans and tries to speak but nothing comes out.

“Oh my gosh, I think she’s bleeding!” The woman standing behind the waitress says and the people surrounding her follow the woman’s gaze. Jo manages to find the waitress’ hand and grips it tightly.

“I’m pregnant.” Jo manages to let out. “And I think I’m losing my baby.”

The last thing Jo sees is the look of realization that falls upon the waitress’ face and the last thing she feels is the waitress giving her hand a firm squeeze before she falls unconscious.

“Doctor, do you know who the on-call for OB today is? We have an incoming rig with a pregnant woman and they say she might be having a miscarriage.” The blonde doctor lifts her head up from her position behind the nurse’s station.

“Oh, she just went on her lunch break. She’s the only OB on-call so she asked me to cover for her.”

“But you’re a surgical oncologist.” The intern trails off, not wanting to offend his superior, but the doctor just chuckles.

“I studied under one of the best OB doctors when I was an intern, and here in my residency, I know enough.” Izzie says as she begins to stand up to walk to where the gown and gloves are and puts them on before she proceeds to the ambulance bay outside.

A few moments later, the ambulance came into the ambulance bay and once they opened the door, the paramedic started to spew off the patient’s state. Izzie checks the patient herself and they wheel her into the hospital.

“On my count, one, two, three.” They lift the patient and transfer her onto a bed. As they start to connect her to machines and stick IVs in her, they hear her groan and Izzie quickly goes beside her.

“Hey, hi. I’m Dr. Stevens, can you tell me your name?” The woman opens her mouth to say something but nothing comes out. Instead, tears start to fall down her cheeks and her hand finds Izzie’s, Izzie responding to her by squeezing her hand.

“Can you try to say your name?” Izzie says softly.

“J-Jo.” She croaks.

“Okay, Jo, do you know where you are?”

“My b-baby.” Jo grabs Dr. Stevens’ arm, “Save m-my baby.” She managed to let those words out before her eyes rolled to the back of her head and her heart monitor went still.

“Code blue! Starting compressions.” Izzie started compressions on the woman's chest, the nurses bringing the crash cart over.

"Come on, Jo. You can't die on me. Charge to 150. Clear!"

Izzie looks at the heart monitor connected to Jo, the line taunting her.

"Charge to 200. Clear."

"No change."

"Charge to 250. Clear."

"Still nothing. Dr. Stevens-"

"Shut up! Charge to 300, clear."

Pain.

The first thing they feel.

A bright light.

The first thing they see.

Jo groans, her hand unconsciously and instinctively going to her stomach. No bump. Her other hand then goes to her stomach and feels no bump. Her heart starts to race, the result showing on the monitor, alarming the nurses and doctors.

"Jo! Jo, you have to calm down." Izzie runs in the room to find her patient trying to sit up and crying.

"Jo, you can't get up, you just had an operation." Izzie and some nurses try to get her to lie back in her bed but she fights and gets a hold of Izzie's arm.

"My baby, what happened to my baby?" She didn't stutter, and that somehow surprises Izzie.

"Okay, I will tell you what happened to you both but I need you to lie back down and try to calm down." Izzie says with a firm but soft voice, gently pushing Jo down on her bed.

"Was it placental abruption? I think I heard them say I was bleeding before I blacked out. I lost the baby, right? I'm only at sixteen weeks, I've been having braxton hicks since this morning. It's normal to feel them this early, but they just got so bad at the diner." Jo says, making Izzie wonder if she was studying or practicing medicine.

"Are you a doctor, Jo?" Izzie asks.

"I am. Dr. Jo Ka-Wilson, Dr. Jo Wilson. I'm sorry, what's your name again?" Jo says as she holds her hand out.

"I'm Dr. Izzie Stevens." Izzie continues to explain what has happened to her. "There was a tear in the placenta, which is what caused the bleeding. The bleeding wouldn’t stop so we rushed you into surgery. I'm very sorry, you were-"

"You did everything you could, but there was too much damage. You took out my baby and you closed me back up. Were there any other complications?" Jo asks, professionally, despite the lone tear that rolled down her cheek that she didn't bother to wipe.

"No, there weren't any complications. I'm really sorry." Izzie says, trying to empathize with her patient.

"It's fine. How soon can you advise me to leave?"

"Well, I would want you to stay for a few more days but-" Jo cuts her off, her voice coming out almost robotically.

"Can I leave the day after tomorrow? That's when my flight back home is scheduled." Izzie stares at Jo, seemingly thinking it over.

“Well, you could, and you’re a doctor so I guess you know what you’re doing.” Izzie reluctantly agreed to the grieving mother, she doesn’t want to put more stress on her and since she’s a doctor, she knows what happened to her and the complications that could happen.

“Okay then, I’m leaving the morning after tomorrow.” Jo nods at her and lies back down the bed to get more comfortable. She lays there and stares at the ceiling, her tears silently falling. Izzie stays for a few moments, pondering on what she should say. She chooses not to say anything at all and quietly leaves the room.

Izzie sighs as she opens the door to her house, the sight of Alex watching TV and drinking a beer on the couch, and she plops down next to him after planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Hey, how was your last day off with the kids?" Izzie asks, settling in beside Alex as he throws his arm around her.

"Great, we had fun." Izzie doesn't say anything about how his voice is slightly cold. She's noticed this about him. Whenever the kids are around, he lights up like a Christmas tree, but once it's just them, he dims.

When he first came here, he never said anything about his life after Izzie. Instead, he told her all about what was happening with Meredith, Cristina, the hospital, but rarely anything about himself. Izzie wants to push, she really does but she knows he'll push back. And she can't risk the kids seeing them fighting. So she doesn't push at all.

"What about you? Any cool cases come in?" Izzie sighs as she is reminded of her patient.

"No, not really." Izzie sighs and looks at him. "I discharged a patient of mine today, though. She came in like, two days ago. Lost her baby. She's a doctor like us, too, and when she woke up after the surgery, I started telling her about what happened and she immediately knew what had happened to her baby, and it was like," Izzie pauses, her throat closing up. "The life inside of her, figuratively and literally, was just, gone."

Alex looks at her, "I'm sorry about that." Was all he said before he took his phone from the coffee table and opened it.

Izzie almost didn't see it. Or maybe she was hallucinating it, but when he opened his phone, the first thing that it showed was a picture of a woman that looked an awful lot like the patient she just discharged today. She shrugged it off and went into the kitchen to prepare herself dinner.

Three days later, Jo is back to work in Seattle. Like nothing happened. To Meredith and the others, nothing did happen to Jo. But Jo, she was slowly losing everything she ever wanted in life. Her husband, then her baby. What’s next, her career and family in Seattle?

Jo sighs and smiles at the nurse who takes the tablet from her hands to put it back in its place. She stands in front of the OR board and checks her surgeries. While she’s standing, Bailey and Meredith see her and stand beside her.

“So! How was the reunion?” Bailey says, uncharacteristically enthusiastic. Jo looks startled at Bailey’s unusually high voice and looks at Bailey with her head tilted to the side while Meredith sighs and puts a hand on her head, seemingly embarrassed and slightly disappointed at Bailey.

“It was fine. Uneventful, really. Thank God, I came back here early.” Bailey starts to think of another question to ask her but Jo beats her to it.

"Well, I'm gonna go. I have surgery in an hour and I want to get some rest before I go in. See you, doctors." Jo says and she walks down the hall to the elevators, waving to Meredith and Bailey before the elevator doors close.

A year has passed. A year has passed since Jo lost her baby. A baby that was supposed to be safe and protected in her womb. But she lost it. Just like how her husband was in a marriage that was supposed to be safe and protected and she lost him, too.

Jo lays in her bed at the loft. Her 16-week scan facing down on Alex' side of the bed. She's under the covers and facing his side of the bed.

She's fine. Really, she is. Or at least she was. She hasn't left her bed in two days. She plans to get out tomorrow, if she'll even be alive to get out of bed tomorrow.

She vaguely hears the sound of the door to the loft opening, then Levi's voice.

"She hasn't left her bed in days. Not to shower, or eat, or even drink water. I don't even think she's moved. But what I'm really concerned about is that." Levi points to the bed, on the space that Jo isn't occupying. Meredith and Link look at each other with wide eyes, both not knowing what to do.

Beside the sonogram are pills. Pills she desperately wants to take but she can't bring herself to move. And beside the pills is a knife. It's not the big kind of knife, but sharp enough to cut you in the slightest mistake. She's not suicidal, she never was. She doesn't remember when or how she got the knife and pills. All she can think of is the life she lost.

She was married and happy. Then she wasn't married and happy. But then she was pregnant and happy. But that got taken from her, too. Now, she's just 'was'. She's not floating or surviving in life. She's just existing.

"Jo." Meredith calls out to her, her hand slowly inching towards the knife in Jo's hand. Jo sees her trying to get close to the knife and closes her hand around it.

"I tried that, but every time I got close, she closed her hand around it and every time, I got closer, she tightened her hand around it. So I stopped trying." Levi says, concerned. It would have been fine if Jo was holding the knife normally. But she wasn't. The edge of the knife is where her hand was, and if she tightened her hand around it, even just a little bit, it would cut into her skin.

"Okay. Okay. I won't take the knife. We won't take the knife." Meredith was close to crying. This was worse when she had found out the truth about her birth parents. Much worse. "But can I sit here? I'll just be here, I won't touch any of that."

Jo doesn't move and her hand doesn't move, either, so Meredith takes that as an 'okay' and moves to sit down by Jo's legs. Link goes to the other side of the bed and sits down behind Jo while Levi chooses to sit on the couch.

"We're here for you, Jo. We're right here." Link tries to touch her shoulder but Jo flinches away from him. So they stay there in that position for what seems like hours. Meredith already texted Maggie and Link already texted Amelia that they'll be a while. For how long? Nobody knew. But they knew that they needed to stay with Jo.

After what seemed like two hours to Jo, her hand moved to the sonogram in front of her. She traces the edges before she picks it up and Link and Meredith have to hold in their gasp of surprise when they see what it is. They don't speak, they don't ask her questions. Jo traces the outline of her baby as her eyes begin to well up and she begs herself not to let them fall.

“I was gonna have a baby.” She starts, and Meredith places her hand on her leg and she flinches, but doesn’t kick her hand away and continues. “Boy, I was gonna have a baby boy.” Her eyes move to where Meredith is sitting and sees her with tears in her eyes, her heart breaking for the girl that has become one of her now closest friends.

“I didn’t know that I was gonna have a boy, up until the night before my flight to Kansas.” Link furrows his eyebrows in confusion and Meredith’s face displays the same amount of confusion. “Exactly a year ago, you guys thought I went to Boston, when really I went to Kansas and I met Izzie, who is perfect, by the way.” Jo chuckles as Meredith, Link, and Levi, who stood up from the couch and joined them on the bed once he heard Jo speak, share looks of surprise and utter concern.

“I never went to Boston, it was just the perfect excuse. There really was a conference and reunion happening there, and they really were pestering me to go. But I went to Kansas. I was going to finally tell Alex about our baby because he had to know. I wanted him to be the first to know so I never told anyone here.” Jo looks at the three of them and they nod in understanding and that pushes her to continue.

“And I was experiencing braxton hicks. Before, during, and after my flight. I thought they were just that, braxton hicks. I went to eat lunch in a small diner near the hospital Alex said he was gonna apply in. I didn’t finish my lunch because I was in so much pain, tried to get out of there and back to my hotel, but I collapsed in the diner so they called an ambulance. They brought me to his hospital but he wasn’t there. Izzie was. I didn’t know who she was when I first got there, but I do know that she was the doctor who did my surgery. When I woke up, she told me what happened and that’s when I knew who she was. I mean, how many Izzie Stevens are there in Baldwin, Kansas, right?” Jo laughs dryly. There was silence after that. They sat in that silence as the three tried to process the information they were just given.

“I was gonna name the baby Athena Michaela if it was a girl, but then I found out it was a boy.” Jo returns her eyes back to the sonogram in her hand, while her other hand, which had the knife, slowly closed around it. Her hand slowly tightening her grip on the knife, breaking skin and making blood flow out.

“Jo, Jo, you’re hurting yourself, please don’t.” Link stumbles over his words, his throat closing and the tears finally falling. Jo closes her eyes, her hand and her whole body numb to pain.

“Atticus Michael.” She whispers as she opens her eyes and turns back to look at Link, her tears falling silently down her cheeks. “I was going to name him Atticus Michael, after the two most important men in my life.” Her voice cracks and her hold on the knife tightens more.

“Jo, please. Give me the knife, please.” Meredith pleads, moving closer to Jo, as Link holds Jo’s arm.

“I was married, I was a married woman. And then, I wasn’t.” Jo continues to whisper, looking at the sonogram in hand.

“I was a mother. And then I wasn’t.” Link moves into the bed more and pulls Jo to his chest. That’s when she breaks.

Heart-wrenching sobs and gasps for air echo in the small house she once shared with the great love of her life. She lets go of the knife and Meredith motions for Levi to get supplies for her cuts as she takes the knife and places it on the cabinet beside the bed. Meredith tends to Jo’s cuts while she sobs on Link’s chest, with Link trying his best to comfort her. Jo grips his arm like she was holding on for her life, sobs racking her whole body and resonating in the breaking hearts of everyone in the room.

Once Meredith finishes up Jo’s cuts, she takes Jo’s head in her hands. “I can’t-, I can’t b-breathe, Mer. I can’t-” Jo fails to finish her words as she gasps for air and holds onto one of Meredith’s arms. “I know, I know. You feel like you can’t breathe, I get it. And you’re gonna feel like that for a while, I’m not gonna lie to you. It might be days, weeks, but you are going to breathe again. And Alex? He wouldn’t want you doing this to yourself.” Meredith says, staring into Jo’s eyes.

“He was coming back to you. He was, but then he got in a car accident. But he was coming back to you. He loves you that much, he loves you so much, it would break his heart to see you like this. And your baby? It would break his heart to see you like this, too. You know, when I think of Derek, I imagine him looking down on me and the kids with our baby in his arms, and he’s telling them stories of us and everything we went through. I’d like to think that’s what Alex is doing right now, too.” Jo continues to sob and Meredith puts Jo’s head on her chest, caressing her hair like she would her child, while Link rubs Jo’s back and tries to get himself together.

“You cry. You just cry, and we’ll stay here.” Meredith says softly in Jo’s ear.

Three years later…

“Mama Jo! Mama Jo!” The two kids ran towards Jo who was holding a little girl by the entrance. Jo bends down, places the little girl on the floor and holds her hand, and opens her arms to the twins while her little girl jumps in excitement at the two familiar kids.

“Hi babies!” She exclaims as they embrace her in a hug, the blonde mother trailing behind them with a bittersweet smile on her face.

“Eli! Ali!” The little girl beside Jo squeals and this catches Alexis and Eli’s attention.

“Hi Emmy!” The twins fawn over the little girl while Emmy soaks up all the attention she’s getting. Izzie and Jo hug and chat while the kids make themselves busy.

“How was your trip?” Jo asks her.

“Great, but it would’ve been better if you and miss Emmy were there, right?” Izzie says as she brushes her fingers on Emery’s cheek. Izzie takes Eli’s hand while Eli takes Alexis’ and Alexis holds Emery’s hand, and they start walking.

“I wish you were there, Mama Jo! We went on these cool rides and everything, we even won some games and prizes!”

“Really? Alright, Emmy and I will go with you next time, okay?”

“Okay! Oh, I see daddy’s tree!” Eli and Alexis take Emery’s hands and they all run off to the tree with the tire swing. “Be careful!” Jo and Izzie call out.

“They will never stop giving us heart attacks, won’t they?” Jo jokingly says as Izzie wraps her hand around Jo’s arm and they laugh together.

“How are you doing these days?” Izzie asks Jo in a soft tone and she shrugs at Izzie. “Some days are bad and some are good. Emmy’s making me more good days, though.” Jo giggles.

After Alex died in a car accident three years ago, after he made the decision to come back to Jo, Izzie reached out to Jo, not knowing she was the patient she had a year ago. Apparently, Alex told stories to the twins about a princess named Jo, so when Jo met the kids, she was welcomed with open arms, and they explained who she really was. A year later, they asked their mother if they could call Jo their mama, and that made their family bond more prominent.

Izzie met someone a year after Alex passed, and Jo supported her all throughout her relationship, and they only introduced Tom, Izzie’s boyfriend, to the kids a year into their relationship and he was great with the kids. Jo tried to date other men, but she just couldn’t bring herself to open her heart up to anyone, so she stopped trying and her heart opened up to a little girl instead. Jo treated Emery when she was brought into the hospital because she was being abused by her parents. They put her into the system and Jo was already fixing the papers so she could adopt Emery. She is officially and legally the mother of Emery Michaela Karev as of eight months ago. She herself also kept Alex’ last name.

“So where’s Tommy? I thought he went on the trip with you guys.” Jo asks as they sit down in front of Alex’ and Ace’s tombstones.

“Oh, he’s picking his parents up from the airport because..” Izzie trails off and holds her left hand up to show Jo the sparkling rock on her ring finger. Jo gasps and pulls Izzie’s hand closer to her face. “Oh my God! Congratulations!” Jo laughs and pulls Izzie in for a hug. They talk amongst each other for a while until the kids go and sit beside them.

“Hi daddy! Happy birthday! We’re all here, just like you wished for.” Alexis says to the tombstone in front of her. Izzie and Jo share a look before asking her.

“What do you mean, ‘just like he wished for’, Ali?” Jo asks Alexis after pulling her and Eli onto her lap.

“He told me, last night, in my dream. That he wants all together for his birthday. And he also said that since it’s Sunday, we have to go to Auntie Mer’s house to have waffles with everybody.” Alexis explains, oblivious to the tears forming in Jo’s eyes. “Oh, Ace also said to save some waffles for him.” That makes Izzie’s and Jo’s head turn to look at each other, confusion in their eyes.

“Ace?” Izzie asks her daughter, who nods at her.

“Yeah, daddy told me Ace is our baby angel brother up in heaven. Him and Daddy are always together. His real name is Addicus-” This makes Jo’s tears fall and she hurriedly wipes them so that the kids don’t see her crying.

“Atticus Michael.”

“Yes! That’s his name, Mama Jo.”

“Yeah, we’ll have waffles at Auntie Mer’s later with everybody.” Jo kisses the top of Alexis’ and Eli’s heads as Izzie reaches out and takes Jo’s hand in hers, giving her a warm smile.

They spend the next hour there by the tree, texting Meredith and the others about what the kids want, and the kids playing on the swing.

“Okay, guys, let’s go to Auntie Mer’s!” Izzie says while standing up and the twins cheer.

“You guys go ahead, I just wanna stay here for a few more minutes.” Jo says, with Emery still in her lap, while they sit in front of the tombstones. Izzie nods her head at her and takes the twins to the car. Jo watches them until they drive off. Her and Emery sit in the quiet for a moment before Emery speaks up. “Mommy?”

“Yeah, baby?” Jo looks at the little girl in her lap.

“Is he my daddy, too?” Emery asks as he points to the tombstone. Jo smiles at her before saying, “Yes. He’s your daddy, too, baby. And if he were here, he would love you like I love you.”

“But not as much as you love me?”

“No, baby. Probably more than I love you, because that’s the kind of daddy he is.” Jo wraps her arms around Emery and Emery does the same.

“Hi, daddy. I love you, too.” Emery says as she leans towards the tombstone and puts her hand on it.

“I love you so much, Alex Karev.” Jo puts her hand on top of Emery’s.

And there, she breathes again.

#jolex #jolex fanfic #jolex fanfiction #well ouch #jo karev #alex karev #izzie stevens #meredith grey #atticus lincoln #levi schmitt #eli and alexis #tw #self harm #brief mention of suicide #grey's anatomy

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iamtrebleclefstories · 4 years

Text

I Believe in Second Chances - Part 3

Alex dies while on his way to stop Jo from reading the letters. He gets to relive his life from the moment he met her.

Read part 2 here

— Part 3 —

The last thing Alex remembered was the car flipping into a ditch. He and Izzie had been talking when the car in front of them was t-boned, causing a multi-car pile-up as people swerved in hopes of avoiding an even bigger crash.

When he finally opened his eyes, Alex was confused. He was standing in an operating room wearing a pair of scrubs. This wasn’t right. Something about this place wasn’t right. It looked like he was in Grey Sloan, but he knew he wasn’t. Something was off.

He figured it out almost immediately after a particular figure walked up to him. Alex stared in disbelief as his father waved, “Hey son.”

“I died didn’t I?” Alex asked. “I’m dead.”

“Basically,” Jimmy shared a sad smile. “You’re on an OR table right now. Your body sustained horrible injuries in the crash. You’ve been coding every five to eight minutes. They keep bringing you back, but the damage is too extensive. They won’t be successful.”

“No, no, no,” Alex pounded a fist on the empty OR table and shouted in anger. “No! This can’t be happening. I can’t die. I was going back home. I was going back home to Jo. I can’t die and leave her there. She’s lost too many people. She can’t lose me, too. I can’t die before I explain.”

“I’m sorry, son,” Jimmy bowed his head. “I’m sorry.”

Alex felt tears begin to run down his face. This wasn’t supposed to happen like this. He was going home. He was going to see the woman that he loved and end the suffering she’d been going through the past few weeks. He couldn’t abandon her now. The thought of it made him sick, almost as sick as he felt when he mailed the letters.

The letters. She would get his letter and he’d been too dead to stop it. She would think he left her. That thought alone caused his body to be wracked with sobs. He couldn’t do anything but cry and mourn the life he’d lose with Jo.

“You know, I tried so hard to be everything you weren’t,” Alex looked up at Jimmy after collecting himself. “But I ended up doing the same exact thing to Jo, the woman I love more than anything, that you did to us. That you did your Naomi and your other kid in Florida. I left her and started a new family without consulting her. Without having the decency to be honest... I can’t die here. I can’t die being that guy.”

“You aren’t that guy,” Jimmy shook his head. “Trust me when I tell you, you and I couldn’t be more different. You’re a good man, Alex. Made a couple dumb choices, but she’ll remember you as a good man.”

“I don’t want to be remembered,” Alex growled in despair. “I want to be present.”

“Alex?”

Alex was startled by a voice he hadn’t heard in over a decade. He turned around to see none other than George standing in front of him, “O’Malley?”

“I heard you were here. I came to see for myself,” George shrugged. “It’s good to see you again. It sucks that it’s like this, but it’s good to see you. The others are going to want to come now that they know you’re here.”

“What others?” Alex wrinkled his face in confusion.

“Karev?”

Behind George emerged a few figures that he thought he’d never see again. They came out into the light of the OR, confirming that it was really them.

“Alex!” Lexie walked up and enveloped him in a hug. “No... what are you doing here? I’m happy to see you, but you shouldn’t be here. You just married your wife again.”

“You guys can see what’s going on down, wherever the living are?” Alex asked as he released Lexie from the hug.

“We don’t see everything, only the big stuff,” Derek smiled warmly and placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “It’s been a while, Karev. Thank you for taking care of my family.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to meet little Ellis,” Alex looked down sadly.

“Me too,” Derek nodded.

“Karev,” Mark stuck his hand out to shake Alex’s. “Welcome to the afterlife. It’s nice, a little lonely at times but, nice nonetheless.”

Alex shook Mark’s hand, “You know, we named the hospital after you and Lexie?”

“Derek told me,” Mark grinned. “I always knew you all loved me.”

Alex rolled his eyes. Seeing everyone he’d lost made him smile and forget for just a second that he was about to lose everything he’d worked so hard for. The presence of these people couldn’t make up for the ones he’d leave behind if his body really gave out like his father said it would.

“I have to get out of here,” Alex looked at his former friends. “I have to live. I don’t care how, but I have to live.”

“That’s what we all said,” another figure walked into the space and smiled. “Hey, man.”

Of all the people Alex expected to see in the afterlife, Denny Duquette was not one of them. But sure enough, Izzie’s former fiancé was here to greet him. Alex raised his eyebrows in surprise, “No offense dude, but I wouldn’t have picked you to show up here.”

“I’m not here for you,” Denny replied with a somber tone.

Not even a minute passed before Alex realized why Denny was present. A person appeared on the OR table and seemed to be sleeping. Looking closely, Alex could tell it was Izzie. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around. Trying to understand what was going on, much like he had.

Izzie’s eyed widened and tears began to run down her face when she saw who stood before her, “Denny? George?”

She was pulled into a hug by each man and proceeded to greet the rest of the people present, “I have brain damage, don’t I? That’s why I’m seeing all of you guys. Because the last time I saw dead people, I had a brain tumor.”

“You’re in surgery right now for severe epidural bleed,” Denny informed. “You’ve coded twice already, however, it looks like they might be able to bring you back.”

“Well that’s good,” Izzie looked back and forth between the people in the room before finally settling her gaze upon Alex. “You’re going to make it too, right? This is just similar way everybody’s preserving our brain function so we can be neurologically intact. Because you can’t die. You have to make it.”

The room quiet and Alex‘s eyes filled with tears again. Is his face dropped, “No. No! He can’t die!” Izzie looked over at George with pleading eyes. “He can’t die you know as well as I do that Alex has had way too much crap handed to him. He can’t die. Not when he’s so close to getting what he always wanted.”

“I’m sorry, Izzie,” Denny came behind her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“His body has sustained too many severe injuries,” George frowned. “He won’t make it.”

“There’s got to be something we can do,” Izzie insisted. “It’s not fair. He just met our kids. He just got married. He’s got so much more to do. It’s not fair.”

“Iz, I’m going to die. There’s nothing we can do,” Alex sighed.

“There’s one thing,” Mark spoke up.

“Mark—” Denny warned.

“No, they deserve to know,” Mark focused his attention on Alex and Izzie. “I didn’t mention it before because it’s messy and complicated and maybe even a little controversial… but you should know that it’s an option.”

Mark took a deep breath, “On the day I died, Arizona tried to commit suicide. She was depressed. So, she took a bottle of pills in hopes that it would cause her organs to fail and she would die. I had already been here for about a month. I was happy. I was with Lexie and my mom was here too. I always knew I’d have to go back. But when Arizona’s body started to fail, I knew I had to do something. She didn’t show up here because her brain had started to shut down. She was dying alone in her bedroom while Callie was sitting at my bedside, hoping and praying that I’d wake up. And I would’ve. I would have woken up when they unplugged me. I would’ve been the miracle story that people talked about for years after the plane crash.

“My time here had allowed me to get the closure I needed, so I could move on with my life on earth with my family. I was ready to go back. I wanted to see my daughter grow up, I wanted to be with my best friends, I wanted to maybe have another kid someday with Callie and Arizona, and watch Zola and Sofia become the best of friends. I had pictured this entire life I could live, and then I found out about Arizona,” Mark paused as he thought about what he would say next. “I begged and pleaded for something, anything that would allow Arizona to live. The only way she’d make it was through divine intervention. That’s when I was given the choice to trade places with her.”

“It doesn’t happen often because the circumstances are so specific, but it is possible to trade places with another person. In other words, two people who are close to dead, but not dead yet, may decide who lives or dies,” George informed. He looked over at Izzie with a soft expression on his face. “Ellis did it with Meredith, Mark did it with Arizona and I did it with you.”

“George,” Izzie sighed. “Why?”

“Because, I was in pain,” George shrugged. “I could’ve lived, but I’d never be a surgeon again. I would probably never walk again or look the same. The accident effectively disabled me to the point where everything hurt. And then I saw that you were dying, so I made the choice for the two of us. I had just enough life left in me to transfer that to you. You lived, I died.”

“Why don’t I remember it?” Izzie asked.

“Because you didn’t know. George never told you that he made the choice. Mark never told Arizona that he made that choice. So, you don’t remember,” Denny explained. “You went back to your normal life and things were okay.”

“Can I do that? Can I trade places with Alex?” Izzie asked.

“No! I can’t let you do that,” Alex shook his head. “I won’t. I can’t go on with my normal life, knowing that I’m the reason our kids don’t have a mom.”

“You see, this is why I told you not to tell them,” Denny glared at Mark. He turned back to face Izzie and Alex. “That’s not how it works. This is a different case. You both are aware of the ability to trade places, so the rules have changed.”

“When both parties are aware of the ability to trade places, there has to be mutual agreement of the trade. A legitimate reason must be given in order to honor the trade. There’s a catch, though. You don’t know when you’ll wake up. You don’t go back to your body that almost died. You wake up on a completely different day, from your past that is significant to the reason you traded in the first place. You’ll remember your time here, you’ll remember specific parts of your life from before that have to do with the reason you came back, but you get a second chance to do it all over,” Lexie explained. “And the person giving up their life will die on the day you wake up.”

“It can completely change the timeline. There’s no telling when he’d wake up,” Denny shook his head. “It’s not a good idea.”

Alex and Izzie stood there in silence for a minute, processing all of the information they’d just been given. Izzie took a deep breath, “Okay, so let me get this straight. So the rule is, to trade places with someone, you have to give up your own life so that they can continue theirs. There are two different ways that this can happen. The first one, is that the person giving up their life doesn’t inform you, meaning that you continue to live your life as it was before. The second way—the one that me and Alex would do—includes an encounter in the afterlife, where an agreement is made. The catch is, if you make the agreement in the afterlife, you have no idea where your life will pick up. The only thing you know for sure is that the person trading places with you will die the exact moment you wake up. Did I get it all?”

“Yeah, that about sums it up,” Mark smirked. “I’m impressed. Most people don’t get it off the bat.”

“Yeah, well most people haven’t been through the insane things this group has been through,” Izzie pointed out. She chewed on her Iip nervously. "How much time do we have left?"

"A few minutes, at most,"Jimmy informed.

"Alex's condition is deteriorating rapidly," Derek furrowed his brow. "You guys need to make a decision quickly."

“We’re not doing this,” Alex shook his head in disapproval. “We don’t know when I’d wake up. What about the kids?”

“Oh, it’s possible the kids won’t even exist in this timeline,” Lexie revealed. “If you wake up before they were conceived, then they definitely won’t exist. But more than likely, things will take an altered course in Izzie’s life so she has no dependents when she dies. The kids most likely won’t exist at all?”

“They won’t exist?” Alex asked. His face grew somber. “But I just met them. I just started loving them. I can’t leave them.”

“You wouldn’t be leaving them Alex,” Lexie placed a comforting hand on his back. “They’d be here. They’d be with their mom and all of us. They’ll have a great family and they’ll never be sad or lonely or feel abandoned.”

“Alex, please let me do this for you,” Izzie begged. “I should’ve died years ago. But I got a second chance at life. You helped me fight, now please let me return the favor.”

“Don’t you want to live?” Alex sneered angrily. “Don’t you want to live on earth and be a surgeon and be happy?”

“No, I don’t,” Izzie whispered. She looked up to the ceiling as tears started to fill her eyes. “I have everything here I could ever want. I have George, my best friend who I’ve missed so much in the past decade. I have Denny, the love of my life who I’ve never gotten over. I’d have my kids, the most important people in my life. And I’d get to see you live out your life. I want to stay here. And I want you to go and be with Jo. Save her the pain of losing you." Tears began to run down her face. "I know what that feels like. I was the girl who's soulmate died and I wouldn't get up off the bathroom floor. I left medicine. I was a shell of who I was before, a shell who made questionable choices--Denny and I had only been together for a few months. You and Jo have been together for years. You're the only family she's got. If you die, she might not make it."

"It's true," Mark signed. "When Lexie died, a part of me died with her. When Derek died, a part of Meredith died with him. You have the opportunity to make sure that doesn't happen."

"Take it," Jimmy stood in front of where Alex was leaning against the wall. "You said that you don't want to be like me, right? Take the second chance. Trade places and do better, be better whenever it is you wake up."

"Alex, you're coding again. You need to decide right now before the window closes," George exhaled nervously.

Alex's eyes filled with tears as he nodded at the individuals in the room, "I accept the trade. For Jo."

And in that moment, everything went black.

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cicinicole-14 · 4 years

Note

damn okay I have a glass of wine, some chocolate and many many tissues at the ready. Part 5 here we come

welp, good luck! the shitty tiktok I posted earlier went with this part and the last one. anyway. hope u enjoy!

Part Five

The next moments pass by her in a blur.

She vaguely remembers them through a tear-filled haze.

Like an out of body experience she’s watching somebody else go through.

She knows Meredith somehow ushers her into the hospital as Alex yells for any OB, shocking most of the staff of his presence.

She remembers Carina DeLuca telling her to lie back and for some reason the cold gel just feels numb on her abdomen.

She hears ringing in her ears and it makes her think all of this is a fluke. That it’s the baby’s heartbeat again and it’s fine.

But the ringing is just inside her head.

She can’t bear to look at anyone while Carina is maneuvering the heart doppler around her stomach. She can’t look at Meredith, who’s gripping her hand. She refuses to look at Alex standing in the corner of the room.

She looks up, staring at the bright, white lights. They’re starting to burn her eyes. Mixing with the stinging tears that are welling in her eyes. Everything is a blur.

And then Carina is looking at her, sorrow filling her face, and she knows.

“I was unable to find a fetal heart rate.”

The words ring in her ears and she pulls herself up, not bothering to wipe the gel off of her stomach before standing up on shaking legs. She feels like she looks like a baby deer on ice but she doesn’t care in the slightest. She’s shaking, but she needs to get out of here. She needs to leave.

“T-Take me home.” She whispers. Her voice is hoarse and cracking.

Both Meredith and Alex look up at her expectantly, not catching what she said.

“Take me home.” She says again, more adamantly.

“Carina is she okay––” Meredith doesn’t get to finish asking her question.

“Take me home!” This time it comes out as a scream.

And with that, she walks out.

The ride back to the loft is quiet.

Meredith drives. Alex in the backseat. Jo continuously stares out the window.

It’s hazy out. Mirroring how she feels in this exact moment. She’s not crying just yet, it’s not raining just yet, but she knows it’s coming.

She stumbles her way up the steps to the loft and ignores whatever Alex tries saying to her. She ignores the conversation he and Meredith start having as she heads straight to the bathroom and turns on the water.

Steam envelops the tiny bathroom, instantly. Jo doesn’t even bother shedding her clothes before stepping right under the scalding stream.

It’s hot, but it’s not hot enough. It’s not hot enough to wash away the pain from today. The pain of losing the only good thing in her life at that very moment.

A sob wracks through her body, shaking her. She stumbles back against the shower wall and slides down, her knees bent into her chest as the stream showers overhead.

Her hand rests on her stomach, empty and lifeless, much like how she feels in the exact moment.

The water eventually runs cold and by that time, Alex is opening the door to their––her bathroom. He crouches down, pulling off her soaked clothes and leaving them in a heap in the shower before turning off the stream.

She’s shivering and he wraps her in a towel, helping her stand up and guiding her to the bed.

She lies down, facing away from him and pulling the duvet over her shoulder.

He shuffles over to the other side of the bed, knowing that whatever he did next would either make her mad or have her ignore him nonetheless. But he pulls back the duvet anyhow, and sinks down onto the mattress, facing her.

Jo doesn’t know what he’s even doing here. She doesn’t know why he’s lying in her bed, next to her, staring at her, but she can’t seem to care either. She’s numb and it’s all she feels in this very moment.

“Why are you here?” She finally manages amongst the thoughts swimming in her head.

Alex’s brows furrow in confusion. “You–You just lost our baby and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He says confused.

“No, I mean why are you in Seattle?” She says frustratingly. “Go home Alex, go back to your kids and Izzie. We don––I don’t need you here anymore, now. There’s nothing here for you.”

He reaches down for her hand but she pulls back, turning away from him, pulling the duvet with her.

Alex swallows hard, and he knows it’s a calculated risk, but he says his next words carefully, but sternly. “You’re here, Jo.”

He’s not sure if the statement, the confession, was a good move or not, but it gets her to turn back around and face him, yet a scowl still dons her face.

“You left.”

“I know.”

“No, Alex, you left. You left me, you left Seattle. You left your job, your life, your home, without a single word. You lied to me. You didn’t answer. You left us and never looked back for some notion with your ex-wife and children, for some chance to play happy little family. I can’t do that again. I won’t.”

He knows she’s right. He knows she doesn’t deserve that. But he made a mistake.

“You made a vow, Alex. For better or worse, and you broke that. You broke me. You made me so happy and then you left and wrecked me so bad and I can’t do that again. I don’t know if I’m going to get over that, but I know I’ll never be able to do it again. You were it for me, and you ruined that. There wasn’t ever going to be anyone else for me, Alex, because of how bad you wrecked me. And now, on top of this all, I lost our baby.”

Alex doesn’t know what exactly to say. He knows he wrecked her. He knows she’s in pain. He knows she’s hurting and grieving for the baby they lost. He knows he messed everything up so completely, that Jo won’t ever be the same again. And he hates himself to know that he’s the reason why she is broken now.

The silence is deafening, and he doesn’t think he can take much more of it. He knows he messed up and he knows he would spend every single day for the rest of his life trying to fix them, trying to show Jo how sorry he is for his mistake. He sits up quietly, pulling the duvet back and standing up.

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about anymore. It’s done, Alex.”

He swallows and knows there’s no other way to say this other than ripping the bandaid right off. “I’m moving back to Seattle. I had already made up my mind before I had even gotten your text about the baby.” He starts out. He sees her demeanor shift slightly, but he still isn’t sure how she’s going to take it. “I’ve been fighting Izzie for custody of the kids, since. Because I left, without looking back, without thinking about anyone but myself and the kids when I should’ve been thinking more clearly. I’m not in love with Izzie. I haven’t been in a real long time. Im in love with you, Jo, my wife. And I’m sorry I messed up. I know nothing I do will ever fix us, but I’d rather see you in the halls at the hospital once in a while, than know that you’re halfway across the country.”

Jo takes a shaky breath. “I want to forgive you, so badly, Alex, but you wrecked me. You tore down every single wall I had and let yourself in and just left me completely broken. So I don’t know how to ever begin to forgive you. And then to top it off, the stress of you being back here caused me to lose the only happiness I had left between us. I lost our baby!” She ends up screaming the last part at him as the hot tears roll down her face.

Alex isn’t sure how to comfort her but he watches as she slowly sits up on the bed.

“I’m sorry. I know you’ve lost this baby too.”

“Jo, no.” He reassures her. “This isn’t your fault. If anything, it definitely is mine, but you know damn well miscarriages just happen sometimes.”

She nods her head and wipes her cheeks but the tears continue to fall. “That’s not what it feels like Alex. I feel like I’m drowning here. I have my research with Bailey and my surgeries, but that’s it. This baby was my one last hope for happiness.”

“Jo, you’ll have happiness again. I promise. I know you will. Even if I have to spend every day trying to make you happy. I’ll do it. You’ll be happy again.”

Jo huffs in disbelief, shaking her head as she runs her hand through her hair. “It’s just not fair!” She shouts before wincing, realizing the loud noise wasn’t pleasant. She squeezes her eyes shut and presses the heel of her palms to her temples.

Alex reaches over, carefully, and lays a hand on Jo’s knee, causing her to look up at him finally. “You need a break.” He says softly. “You need to escape. Come to Kansas with me while I fight for custody of my kids. Just to escape for a little while.”

Jo laughs.

“I’m serious.” He states. “You need to take your mind off everything. What better way to do that than in the middle of nowhere, Kansas?”

Jo looks down at the hand on her knee. “Alex, you can’t just walk back into my life and expect me to let you in again. This isn’t easy for me. You were my everything, and you broke me. I can’t just act like that didn’t happen and go with you to Kansas for god knows how long. I have a job here. I have friends. I don’t have anyone there. I can’t just go.”

Alex nods in understanding. “I just thought it would do you good to get out of Seattle for a while.”

“Not…not with you.” She says softly, looking away from him. It hurt even now to turn him down.

“Well, my flight doesn’t leave until Sunday.”

Jo shakes her head. “Alex, I don’t know how I can forgive you. I really don’t care if you stay there or come back to Seattle. We’re over.” She speaks softly, as if she didn’t want to be heard so it wouldn’t really happen.

“I know.” Alex responds. “I’m just leaving the option open for you.” He says, finally getting up and heading towards the door.

Jo follows him, watching as he crosses the threshold of the doorway and she pulls it halfway shut as he looks back at her. “Bye, Alex.” She says softly.

He just nods, turning and walking away.

ngl, this was one of my fave parts to write so far actually. it was an add on part that I didnt write originally but realized this was what the fic was missing before :)

#jolex fic #jolex #cici writes #tell the world im coming home

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shipperssafehaven · 3 years

Note

Can u do the 'send a show' thing for greys anatomy

The first character I fell in love with:

I loved Bailey from her first introduction. It took me a few episodes to get an understanding for the rest but she was the one I loved from the very jump

The character who is my 'baby':

That would be Lexie and April. Both are my girls and I love them sm

The character who I do not understand:

I think I have a good understanding of every character, even the ones I don't like tbh

The character that I think the show ruined:

Izzie. I loved her in the first and second season but they ruined her for me in the third and fourth

The most attractive male and female character:

For male, Mark and Jackson are tied

For female, Lexie and Addison are tied

The character death that was the worst for me:

Lexie and Mark's easily. No other character deaths destroyed me in the same way. Their story wasn't finished in the slightest and I will forever be bitter about it. They were meant to be :(

The character that is the most like me:

I would say I'm a mixture of Lexie and Arizona

The character that I think the writer(s) love:

Derek. He went through so much but it's obvious the writers loved him. I feel like the writers put a lot of thought into his character

The character that I just want to be happy:

Alex. Happy Alex is the best Alex.

My four favorite characters, past or present:

-Mark

-Lexie

-Cristina

-honestly Bailey/Callie/Addison are tied

My four least favorite characters, past or present:

-Thatcher (i never forgave him for hitting meredith honestly)

-Stark (the moment i softened up to his character is the exact moment he vanished. i'm sure if he was there a little longer, i would've liked him eventually)

-Season 3 & 4 Izzie (she treated callie so horribly and the writers just ruined her)

-Other than all the obvious hated characters in the fandom, i'm not really sure. (maybe erica? i didn't like the way she treated cristina)

#greys anatomy

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ellewritesathing · 5 years

Text

So Close - XXVIII

Summary: The universe has a funny way of putting the things you want right in front of you, but just out of reach. Stiles and Y/N have been best friends ever since Scott brought him home, but when Stiles realizes that he might want to be something other than best friends, she leaves to go to some fancy private school up North. Now that she’s back though … maybe he’s got a shot? A Teen Wolf AU in which the reader has always been so close to Stiles and yet so far.

Masterlist Prev. | Part 28

Word-count: 3.6k+

A/N: what a time guys!! this season was sad and stressful (and there’s still a bit to go) but i’m rooting for these dummies!!

Somewhere between eating all the candy in the vending machine and your phone dying, Stiles opened up to you about what happened at Eichen House. He started with being institutionalized and the kid hanging himself in the stairwell on his first day there and ended with watching Brunsky choke on his own blood in the basement a few hours ago.

“Stiles, you know none of that is your fault, right?” you asked when you were sure he was done speaking. He didn’t answer so you moved out from under his arm to look at him, sitting up and holding his hand in your lap. “You couldn’t have saved that kid; you didn’t even know him. Brunksy was a sadist. I don’t even know if he’s worth saving. But-”

“You think people can be too far gone to save?” he asked, not moving an inch from where he lay on the bed. He was watching the way you moved his hand in yours.

“I don’t know,” you said quietly, dropping your gaze to your hands as well. It was easier than looking at him when he was so sad. “But I do know that we saved Malia. And Lydia. And you. That’s worth it to me.”

Stiles didn’t say anything else while the two of you waited for your mom to bring a tape player, and you weren’t sure if you had anything else to say. Another stilted, emotional conversation with no real ending.

You were so wrapped up in your thoughts that you almost jumped out of your skin when Melissa opened the door and set down an old stereo on the table. “You would not believe how hard it is to track one of these things down nowadays,” she said with a sigh. “The good news is that we should have you in for that CT Scan in a few minutes, and then you can go home.”

“That’s great, Mom. Thanks,” you smiled as you sat back up.

“Yeah, really, thank you,” Stiles said, reaching over to put the stereo on the bed.

Melissa gave you each a smile before heading out the door again. Once the door closed behind her, Stiles grabbed the tape he’d placed under the pillow and popped it into the stereo.

“He used to make tapes whenever he killed people.”

“To relive the kill,” you said. Stiles looked at you and you shrugged. “I watch Criminal Minds. You sure you want to listen to this again?”

“I don’t really think we’ve got much of a choice,” he said, finger hovering over the play button. “You ready?”

“Yes,” you lied. “Play it.”

Lorraine’s voice was so certain as it drifted over the speakers. She knew she was going to die, and she knew Brunsky was going to kill her just like the rest of the patients. Your breath hitched. Lydia had to listen to her grandmother get murdered as the same man tried to murder her. It made you sick.

Stiles had to go in for his scan before you could talk about it, but you stayed in his room and listened to the tape until he came back. Every time, you hoped it would end differently. That she wouldn’t ask him not to hurt Lydia. That you’d figure something out. It ended the same each time.

“Your mom has, against her better judgment, cleared me to go home,” Stiles said as he leaned back in the room. “She said it was important that I tell you the judgment part. You ready to go?”

“Yeah, I just-” you sighed and shut off the stereo. “Remember how you said you don’t think they were at Eichen House on the tape?”

“Yeah, Brunsky said ‘taking you back to Eichen House.’ Plus, there weren’t any echoes.”

“Right, exactly. So where would she have been, completely alone?”

“Not at home, not with the Martins.”

“I think she was at the lakehouse,” you said, looking back up at him. “It’s the only place that makes sense. Everything with her leads back there.”

“Then let’s go to the lake house.”

The drive to the lake house was arguably the fastest and most erratic twenty minutes of your life, excluding the five extra minutes to pick up Malia because ‘even though she’s still mad at Stiles, she wants to help.’ Stiles used his copy of Lydia’s key to get in but you froze in the threshold. Whatever you were going to find in there, even if you found nothing at all, was going to change things again. After some encouragement, you let Stiles take your hand and lead you to the study.

It felt wrong to be in there without Lydia, like you were trying on someone’s clothes without their permission, but you knew you had to do it. Stiles sat down and played the record player while you analyzed everything in the room. How many weekends had you spent here with Lydia doing this exact thing?

“What are we even doing here?” Stiles sighed as he got to his feet and shut off the record player. He was frustrated. After half an hour of nothing but needle scratching, you were frustrated too. “This room wasn’t made for people like us. No, we need someone like Lydia or Meredith. We’re just sitting here listening to a stupid record player play a record that doesn’t play anything!”

“Try saying that five times fast,” you said, holding up your hands for him to help you to your feet. You let out a breath as you landed a few inches in front of him. “There’s gotta be something here, Stiles.”

“Then let’s try somewhere else in this stupid-”

“Guys?” Malia asked. She was still cross-legged in front of the record player and she looked confused. “I can still hear it.”

“It’s not on,” Stiles said, still frustrated.

“Then it’s something else,” Malia insisted. She got to her feet as you and Stiles walked back over to her. “Something’s spinning.”

Stiles took a step closer and started feeling around the record player. He found the spot where its cord connected to the wall, moved the record player out of the way, and started pulling. It broke through the plaster.

You dropped next to him and put your hand on his to stop him. “Stiles! Lydia said not to damage the house, remember? Not a scratch.”

“We have to find whatever’s still spinning,” he said, keeping his voice level. “Trust me. I can do this.”

Reluctantly, you got back to your feet and stood next to Malia as he pulled the cord out of the wall in a long, jagged line. He looked back over at you and you shrugged. The wall was already ruined, what did it matter if the three of you tore the rest of the drywall off? Once the hole was big enough, you saw three long towers spinning in front of you, and if you listened close enough you could fool yourself into thinking you heard them.

“What is this?” Malia asked.

“The deadpool,” Stiles answered.

She didn’t wait for either of you to say anything else before she tried to put her fist through one of the towers. Stiles scrambled to grab her arm and you grabbed her by the waist to pull her back.

“No, no!” Stiles huffed. Once he was sure you were holding her, he added, “You can’t just smash it to pieces, okay? If this thing’s being used to disseminate the list, then it’s probably gonna keep going until everyone’s dead.”

“Then what do we do?” Malia asked. It was like she and Stiles had swapped moods; she was frustrated and he was doing his best.

You sighed and let go of her. “We figure out how to turn it off. Each part of the list needed a key, right? So maybe we just need to find the key for the towers.”

“Like a physical key?” Stiles asked.

Malia stepped forward and you reached out to grab her again but she held a hand out as a signal to stop. You fell back and she reached her other hand up to point to the top of the tower; a physical lock to switch them on and off sat at the tip of her finger. “Yeah, like a physical key.”

“Okay, Stiles, you call Lydia. Malia, you wanna help me look?” you asked.

You and Malia started going through the drawers while Lydia asked about the monitor for the computers and Stiles kept repeating that there wasn’t anything other than the towers. Then she asked to see the floor and you and Malia looked at one another before closing the cabinets and walking over to Stiles.

“Where’s the stain?” Lydia asked. “There should be red blotches. A wine stain.”

“There’s nothing there, Lyd,” you said.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” she mumbled. She used the cleaner money to bribe Brunsky, so there should have been a big, red stain on the carpet where there was nothing but white.

“What the hell does wine have to do with anything?” Stiles snapped.

“Red wine doesn’t just disappear,” Lydia said. It sounded like she was pretty tired and frustrated too. Then she sparked. “Unless it wasn’t wine.”

“So what the hell else would it be?” Stiles asked.

“The ashes weren’t ashes. The study isn’t a study. And the record player isn’t a record player! So … so maybe the wine wasn’t wine,” Lydia said. “Stiles, you have to find the wine. Find the bottle. There could be something about it.”

Stiles started bolting to the kitchen, Lydia telling him what to look for over the phone, and you took a breath. Rubbing your temples, you looked at Malia, who looked equal parts annoyed and confused. Just like in geometry.

“You know, I’m really glad you’re here,” you said with a smile.

She frowned for a second before nodding. “Me too.”

When Stiles came back, he was rattling the bottle in one hand and holding the phone in his other. “I think there’s something inside. Do you have, like, a wine opener or-”

Malia reached across you and took the bottle out of his hands. She threw it on the ground and you knelt next to her to help sift through the pieces as Stiles tried to calm Lydia down. Everything went quiet when you held up a key.

Taking it from your hand, Stiles went over and put it in the tower. He looked over and you nodded before he turned the key. You held your breath as the lights on the towers started going out and the plates stopped spinning.

“Is it over?” Malia asked.

“I think so.”

---

The next few days were a blissful kind of foggy where no one was trying to kill your friends. The lack of a visible threat didn’t mean any of you were less on edge, but it meant that you finally had time for other things. Things like school, planning a first date, lacrosse, and (for some of you) sleeping in and missing lacrosse.

“Stiles,” you said for the tenth time, rubbing his arm lightly. You hated having to wake him up when he got as little sleep as he did. “Stiles, babe, you’ve gotta wake up. Coach is gonna kill you if you’re late for another morning practice.”

Nothing.

“Okay, you know what, I’m just gonna ask Noah to drop me off on his way to the station.” You stood up and did your best not to look at his cute, tired face as he frowned up at you. “I’ll just stay at my house and see you at lunch from now-”

Stiles grabbed your wrist and laughed. “Hey, wait, I’m up, okay? I’m up.” He pulled you back onto the bed and curled around you.

“Mm, you sure?” you asked as he yawned, rubbing his head against your arm.

“Maybe in like five more minutes?”

You laughed and twisted around to cup his face before pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Get up. We’re gonna be late.”

“You’re cute when you’re bossy,” he mumbled, a lazy smile on his face. Your heart swelled at the sight of it. He was happy.

“Okay, five more minutes.”

Stiles cheered and pulled you back into him, the two of you laughing and holding each other for a little longer than five minutes.

---

Even though the whole pack was taking advantage of the lull of supernatural activity, you and Stiles were taking your fair share and more. The two of you were finally going on your first real date. To differentiate between this dinner and the countless others you’d had together, Lydia picked out your outfit, Stiles chose the restaurant, and you were driving.

He didn’t tell you anything about where you were going except that it was fancy, so you begrudgingly wore the heels Lydia lent you. Wobbling up the walk to the Stilinski household, you reminded yourself that this was Stiles. Goofy Stiles that you’d had a crush on since before you knew how to write. You had no reason to be so nervous, but the butterflies in your stomach didn’t listen to reason.

“Hey, Y/N.” Noah greeted you with a warm smile as he opened the door. “Stiles is upstairs, so you can either go get him or help me sort through a week’s worth mail.”

“As tempting as expired coupons sound, I think I’ll go see what’s taking him so long,” you laughed and kissed Noah’s cheek before carefully making your way up the stairs. All you needed was for this night to end with you in the emergency room for a twisted ankle.

But, thankfully, you made it up in one piece.

Stiles’ door was slightly open and your gentle knocking pushed it all the way. He was standing in front of the mirror, earbuds in and music blaring as he struggled his way through knotting a tie. He wasn’t tying it, because that required some sort of calmness and focus. He was haphazardly throwing the ends into loops and through each other, and getting increasingly frustrated at the turnout.

He noticed you when you were halfway across the room, but he didn’t say anything until you were right next to him and taking out his earbuds.

“Wow, you look … like, really pretty. Like way out of my league. Are you wearing heels? Damn, McCall, you really-”

Blushing slightly, you laughed and looked down at the earbuds you were wrapping up. “So I’m guessing that means I’m not overdressed for wherever we’re going?”

“No. No, you’ll fit right in,” Stiles said as he took a breath. He was still staring at you when you looked back up at him. “Me, on the other hand. They’ll never let me in unless I get this damn tie to work.”

“Do you even know how to tie one of these?”

“Well, no. Never stopped me before.”

You laughed and started unknotting the tie. “Lucky for you, I used to have to wear one of these bad boys every day for school.” You moved behind him, reaching your arms under his and up to where the ends of the tie dangled. You were more than a little out of practice, but Stiles didn’t seem to mind how slowly you worked. Tightening the knot to his neck, you reached over and kissed the back of his cheek before resting your head on his shoulder. “There, perfect.”

“I think so, too,” Stiles said in a low voice. He was looking at you in the mirror and you felt yourself blush again. Damn cheesy lines.

Luckily (or unluckily), you didn’t have time to respond because Noah rapped on the door and burst in. You took a huge step back but stumbled because of the heels as he said, “Drop what you’re doing.” Stiles caught your arm before you could fall as Noah continued, “I’m taking you both out to dinner. Whatever you want.”

Stiles looked over at you for a second before saying, “Dad, I’m not sure a man of your debts should be treating anyone to anything. Plus, I don’t think our first date should be chaperoned.”

“Your first-” Noah blinked and looked at the two of you, realization slowly spreading across his face. “Oh. Well, uh, then forget about that but you can take my card for your, um, first date.”

Stiles was already walking towards his dad and arguing, but Noah held out a letter and waited for him to read it. “What is that?” Stiles asked as he tore it open.

“A letter of apology from Eichen House,” Noah said. “Apparently, they’ve decided to forgive our debt due to, uh, well, you and Lydia almost getting murdered.”

“I have never been so happy to have almost been murdered!” Stiles grinned after reading the letter. He tossed the letter to the side and pulled his dad into a hug.

“Well, we’re not out of it yet, but we’re going to be okay,” Noah said with a smile as he patted Stiles’ back. “So at least for the moment, I can treat my son and his girlfriend to a real, unchaperoned dinner, alright?”

“Alright-”

“No way,” you said. They both looked at you like they’d forgotten you were there. Walking carefully closer you continued, “There is no way that we’re celebrating this without you. Stiles and I can go for dinner next week, right, babe?”

“Uh, yeah,” Stiles said. “I can just cancel the reservation, I guess.”

“Great, so where do you wanna go, Sheriff?” you asked with a smile on your face as you turned to Noah.

“Oh, no, I’ve already messed with your night as it is. You can pick wherever you want to go,” Noah said, raising his hands up in surrender.

“We could go to the diner,” you suggested. “Remember? The one you used to take us to when we were little. Stiles lost his tooth there and Scott got his head stuck in the-”

“Those incidents were completely unrelated!” Stiles talked over you and you collapsed into a fit of laughter at how upset he got. “Man, that kid had big ears. When did he stop getting his head stuck in things?”

“Around 12 maybe?”

“You guys remember that?” Noah laughed. He shook his head as you and Stiles launched into stories about getting milkshakes before the spring formal there and Scott having way too many minor accidents at the diner.

“Wait, wait, wait. Aren’t you two a little overdressed for a diner?” Noah asked. “I don’t know, maybe you should kids should just-”

“I’ve got a pair of Y/N’s sneakers right there that she could change into.” Stiles pointed to the huge pile of shoes next to his desk. “I can put on some jeans and a t-shirt and we’re good to go.”

“You two are sure about this? You want an old man crashing your date?” Noah asked.

You and Stiles looked at one another, hands interlacing and smiling. A family dinner sounded like what you needed. Your date could wait a few more days.

“Yeah, we’re sure,” you said. “But I can still drive? Because I almost never get to drive.”

---

The excitement of not having anyone trying to kill you didn’t last long. While you and Stiles were prepping for the big game, Scott and Kira went MIA. You knew it was their big date and all, but they weren’t answering calls or texts. Perfect timing, really, because it was the night before the full moon and you were playing against Davenport Prep.

About halfway into the game, you and Stiles ditched to go find them. He wouldn’t let you say goodbye to Liam because he didn’t want him to have to worry about anything else, and Malia agreed to stay and keep an on him for you. She promised to call if Scott and Kira showed up.

When you, Noah, and Stiles got to Derek’s loft you found it trashed. Lightbulbs were hanging all over the ceiling - some blown out, some broken, and very few actually working - and almost all of the furniture was broken. Braeden was picking up pieces as Derek assessed the damage.

“Okay, what the hell happened here?” you asked, folding your arms over your chest.

“It was supposed to be a date,” Derek said.

“So they were both here?” Noah asked.

“And now they’re both gone,” Braeden finished.

Stiles’ phone vibrated and he dug it out of his pockets to answer the call. “Hey … Yeah, Scott and Kira. We just don’t know where … Mexico? Why the hell would they- okay, okay, I know that- Okay, goodb- Bye, Lydia!” He hung up in a huff and turned back to the group.

“So they’re in Mexico? Like the same Mexico with werewolf hunters and berserkers?” you asked.

“I think Scott’s got bigger problems than them,” Derek sighed. “Where the berserkers are, Kate is.”

“Okay, I know this isn’t what any of you want to hear, but we can’t just rush into this,” Noah said. “Why don’t I take these two home and we regroup in the morning to come up with a plan?”

“Because Scott’s been kidnapped by a psychotic were-jaguar! We don’t have time to sleep and regroup,” you snapped and started pacing. What did Kate want with your brother? She could have killed him a long time ago. She wanted him alive when you ‘killed’ him to draw out the benefactor. No, no she didn’t want him alive, she wanted his body.

“I’ll take her home,” Derek said from behind you. You stopped pacing to look at him. You didn’t know he still cared.

“Thanks, but she actually has a curfew, so we’ll take her-”

“Stiles, it’s okay,” you said with a small smile. “Derek can take me. We’ll regroup in the morning, okay?”

Stiles looked at you like he was unsure again. He didn’t understand the relationship you had with Derek. He didn’t know why you could go from being ready to storm across the border one second to willing to wait until morning the next. But he trusted you.

“Okay,” he said. “We’ll regroup in the morning.”

Part 29

#stiles stilinski #stiles stilinksi imagine #stiles stilinksi x reader #stiles slow burn #mccall!reader #teen wolf #teen wolf au #teen wolf rewrite #so close

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lovelylogans · 5 years

Text

love light gleams

masterpost | chapter one | next chapter

christmas eve will find me where the love light gleams i’ll be home for christmas if only in my dreams

-bing crosby, i’ll be home for christmas

part of the wyliwf verse.

the sideshire files | read my other fics | coffee?

warnings: food mentions, complicated parental relationships, teenage emancipation, emotional abuse, mentions of being disowned, mentions of transphobia and homophobia, classism, mentions of past underage drinking, crying, religious content (church, going to confession), remus cameo, mentions of choking/killing someone, something similar to the canon “have you thought about killing your brother?” monologue, please let me know if i’ve missed anything!

pairings: gen

words: 57,686

notes: the way i came up with virgil’s dad’s name is, in fact, the nerdiest naming shortcut i’ve ever used. also, i used a middle name generator to come up with virgil’s middle name and That popped up and then i went back and did it again and that popped up and i Literally Couldn’t Resist. many thanks to @teacupfulofstarshine and @ for talking this work through with me!!!

virgil checks the time, again. yep. still 8:27 in the morning. still three more minutes. still he’s just sitting here, waiting, staring eagle-eyed at the last remaining people having breakfast or the people on coffee runs to see if they need anything else, just to have something to fill the time.

he ends up just restacking the donuts in the little cake stand—it seemed a little crooked, and sure, the rest of the diner has been polished up nicely, but it’s just—they’re uneven. it’ll be noticeable if someone looks closely.

how many times have you seen dad rearrange the donut stand, he scolds himself. they won’t care, you’re overreacting. it’ll be fine. they’re your parents.

he doesn’t really stop, though. once he’s started it, he may as well keep going.

it takes all of a minute and thirty seconds. 8:28. two more minutes. maybe he should wipe down the counter again, even though he did that five minutes ago. or top off the coffee pots, even though he did that seven minutes ago.

he ends up going back into the kitchen to see if they need to add anything extra to the usual supply run that happens each week, checking the fridge and the freezer and jotting things down on the notepad he’s got hanging up on the kitchen wall—they should probably get more condiments—when he hears the bell jangle, and a familiar voice booms, “taylor, you old tightwad, you better not have done away with my son to buy our lot next door, i haven’t forgotten those threats!”

virgil grins. he hears taylor spluttering irritably at his mom. just like old times.

"where’s my son?” she calls.

“kitchen!” virgil shouts, finishing his scrawl as soon as possible, capping the pen and darting to the door of the kitchen, catching the doorframe and leaning so the diner comes into view so he doesn’t look like a little kid running to see his parents, even if that’s how he feels.

his mom is already crossing behind the counter, his dad trailing in her wake, and he steps forward in time for her to wrap her arms around him.

“there’s my baby,” she says, and virgil closes his eyes, really, genuinely feeling like a kid for a second, just for a second—she still smells like cinnamon and lemon-scented cleaning supplies, even after not working in the diner for half a year, and she’s wearing the same soft plum sweater he’s seen her wear hundreds of times with the same puffy black coat she wears in the winter.

“hi, mom,” he says, muffled by her shoulder.

she draws back, smiling, and keeps her hands on his shoulders. she still has the dark hair that virgil inherited from her, the bright blue eyes that virgil didn’t, the mischievous smile that got passed to his siblings. “happy birthday, bunny.”

“ mom,” he grumbles, ducking his head, and she laughs, ruffling his hair.

“i’m allowed to embarrass you, i’m your mother,” she says.

“virgil,” his dad says, mild as always. still with the brown eyes virgil got from him, the brown hair that’s just enough lighter than virgil and his mother’s that it’s a noticeable difference, tanner skin, from the italian side of the family (his last name used to be palmisano, before he changed it to danes after he got married to virgil’s mom, virgil is technically a family name, along with one of the... other parts of his name) the calm demeanor that virgil really wishes he had, sometimes.

“hey, dad,” he says, and his mom tugs virgil closer so that his dad can hug him, just for a moment, before he places a hand on his cheek.

“are you all right?” he says. “you look peaky. pale.”

“i always look pale, ” virgil points out.

“not coming down with anything?”

“no, dad.”

“sleeping eight hours a night?” he says, narrow-eyed, and virgil hesitates for just a moment too long.

“ cinnabun,” his mother scolds.

“i’m running the diner!” he says defensively. “if anyone should know how busy that is, it’s you two, but i’m fine!”

his mom pinches his other cheek, so now each of his parents have a hand on his face, framing it. “no, you’ve definitely lost weight. three meals a day?”

" yes, mom,” he says.

“prove it,” she challenges. “sit down, we can have breakfast.”

“in a second,” he says. “i’m just gonna make sure everything’s set before i take a break. you can make the rounds and dad can go sit in a booth and gossip with mrs. torres about how i’ve been doing lately, i’ll bring you some coffee.”

his father looks mollified—which is fair, mrs. torres is a pretty frequent diner customer and a prolific gossip and as such will probably know a lot more about virgil than virgil might even know about himself—so with their coffee in hand, his parents go to make the rounds. since a lot of virgil’s regulars are their old regulars, they’re saying hello to everyone and catching up on all the happenings of the town since they’d moved away.

his dad is deep in conversation with mrs. torres (probably somehow trying to ascertain the exact amount of sleep he’s been getting based on how often the diner’s been open early or late) and his mom is cheerfully picking a fight with taylor over all the associations he’s part of in an attempt to rise in power in the town.

virgil inhales deeply, smelling the coffee, the bacon, pancakes and syrup. it’s just—it’s nice. it’s back to the old times. it’s just like how things were before.

he serves some breakfast, and tops off coffee, and he’s hauling a tray of pancakes and french toast and omelets to a table full of businesspeople when the bell jingles again. he glances over, balancing the tray on his shoulder.

“hey,” virgil says to patton gruffly, and patton smiles at him—logan’s hidden by the way he’s been placed in the baby carrier strapped to the front of patton’s chest, but he can see the massive pom-pom on top of his winter hat moving, so logan’s probably awake and not crying, which is frankly miraculous.

“morning,” patton says. “um—happy birthday.”

virgil blinks. “how’d you—?”

“maria,” patton admits. “plus you mentioned it when we met. twenty-three, right?”

“right. well, thanks,” virgil says, and gestures to the dining room with his free hand. “you two settle in, i’ll bring you some hot cocoa/coffee?”

patton nods, and heads for a booth as virgil heads for the table and finishes serving breakfast, checking that they don’t need anything else, and virgil heads back behind the counter.

just in time to see his parents both wandering slowly over to patton’s booth, zeroing in on the baby. they probably think they look subtle. virgil quickly fills up a mug with hot cocoa/coffee, so he can rush over and make sure his parents don’t steal logan.

“i haven’t seen you, are you new in town?” his mother is saying by the time he drops off the mug.

“he is,” virgil says, leaning his hip against the booth. “patton, sorry in advance, these are my parents, mark and meredith danes.”

“oh!” patton says, and shakes hands with his mom, and then with his dad. “very nice to meet you both.”

his parents are exchanging a glance, one of those Married Couple looks that no one else can understand.

“so, how long have you been in town?” mark asks.

“um,” he says. “a month or so?”

“why sideshire?” meredith asks, and patton exchanges a slightly panicked look with virgil. virgil clears his throat.

“um, so, patton, look out, they’re definitely going to try and steal logan because they’re desperate for grandchildren.”

“you should have some kids,” mark says.

“ dad,” he says pointedly. “i’m twenty-tw— three, plus i’m single, i’m not about to have any kids. i’m busy dealing with the diner.”

“well, they could help out,” mark says.

“half the reason we had you is because of the free labor,” meredith says fondly, and virgil rolls his eyes.

“if you want grandkids, bug wyatt, he’s oldest,” virgil says pointedly. “or essie! she’s getting married, bug her!”

“aw, it’s cute that you think we aren’t doing that too, bunny,” meredith says.

“ mom,” virgil groans.

“bunny?” patton says, amused.

“we all have food-based nicknames,” virgil grumbles. “they ran out of material by the time they got to me.”

“ cinnamon bun has the good fortune of offering even more nicknames, mister,” meredith says.

“oh, sure,” virgil says. “wyatt and essie and silas all get relatively normal ones, but by the time you got to freddie and i it’s snickerdoodle and bunny, this definitely isn’t eldest child favoritism.”

virgil isn’t just talking about nicknames here, but he digresses.

“why cinnamon bun?” patton asks, glancing between virgil and his mother, a smile on his face.

“he always fell right to sleep whenever we swaddled him, so we basically always swaddled him,” meredith says. “and he just looked like the sweetest little bun of a baby.”

“as such, he became cinnamon bun,” mark adds.

“that’s—”

“don’t—”

“ sweet,” patton finishes, and sticks his tongue out at virgil, who lets out a theatrical groan at the pun, mostly because patton gets very satisfied with himself when he does.

his parents look thoroughly charmed. logan, however, makes a squalling noise of protest.

“oh, hey there,” patton says. “hey, i just fed you, you okay?”

he frees logan from his carrier, and holds him in his arms, and virgil sees both his parents melt, absolutely weak for the presence of a baby. he’s pretty sure the reason for his and freddie’s existences were partially about, yes, free labor, but also they wanted to have a baby around the house.

his parents are exchanging another one of those Married Couple looks. virgil wants to ask, but patton’s making comforting noises at logan, and he quiets a little.

“you just wanted attention, huh?”

“oh, he’s precious,” mark says.

“how old is he?” meredith asks.

“two months on the third,” patton says. “so i guess a month and a half, give or take?”

his parents make the appropriate cooing noises, though virgil’s pretty sure that they’d react the same way if patton had said any passage of time from birth.

patton rocks logan a little, more and more, until logan’s quiet again. his parents are Looking At Each Other like that again.

“patton, would you like to join us for breakfast?” meredith says, and patton looks up, startled.

“oh, you don’t have to,” patton begins.

“i’m honestly trying to figure out the best strategy to get you to let me hold the baby,” meredith admits breezily, no shame, and patton laughs.

“well, you can now, if you want?”

so meredith swaps seats so she can slide in next to patton in the booth, and carefully starts cradling logan, and mark gets up too, straightening the hem of his sweater vest.

“virgil,” mark says. “why don’t i follow you back into the kitchen, to help get things settled before you take a break? i want to see how it’s doing.”

that makes sense—his dad’s domain was the kitchen, while his mom had been out front. so virgil nods, and he gestures vaguely back toward the counter.

“don’t steal logan,” he tells his mom.

“no promises,” meredith says without looking up from logan, and virgil and his father fall into step together.

“i didn’t really change much,” virgil says, when they’re in the kitchen. “just rearranged the cabinets a little, and—”

“virgil,” his father says, voice serious and quiet. “how old is that boy?”

virgil hesitates, looks around the kitchen—mostly empty—and pitches his voice as soft as his dad’s. “sixteen, but he turns seventeen next month.”

his father lets out a slow breath, and says, “his parents?”

“he’s a runaway, so i don’t know them,” virgil says. “but from what i hear, it’s not good. he moved here because when he was running away he happened to come into the in the diner, and it was—”

he breaks off, remembering it, and all the things that had happened since; how patton hands had been shaking for ten minutes on either side of his first attempted call home, which he’d hung up on before the phone had even gotten through its first ring, and how virgil had made the excuse of taking a break to sit with him when he called and the way patton’s voice trembled after. how he’d used a burner phone he bought in the city to be sure they couldn’t track his call to sideshire. how he’d held logan tight afterward in an attempt to calm himself down.

how scared patton had been. of losing what tenuous new start he’d had in sideshire, of losing his newfound independence, of losing logan, of any legal action his parents might take. how helpless virgil had felt to comfort him.

so virgil might not know what his parents are like, but jesus, if patton’s that scared of going back—

“it’s not good,” virgil repeats.

“not—” his father begins, looking incensed.

“no,” virgil says quickly. “no, no—i mean, they sound like assholes, but i don’t think they were abusive.”

his father’s face smooths back into its usual placid expression.

“and he’s living... where?”

“at the inn,” virgil says, and scowls. “in the poolhouse.”

“in the—?”

“not maria’s choice,” he says. “she offered him a room, or at least somewhere that’s at least inside, but he didn’t want to take away business. i mean, i offered—“ he gestures above their heads. “but, i mean, i don’t blame him for not taking it, it’s for one person, not two people plus a baby—”

“not the lot next door?” he says.

“dad, that’s no place for a baby, it’s under construction,” virgil says, and his father sighs.

“i know, it’s just—“ his father frowns. “it gets too cold here, in the winter, and i can’t imagine a pool house has much in way of insulation.”

“we’re trying to work on it when we can,” virgil says. “but—i mean, it’s been a pretty mild winter so far, thank god, maria and i have been planning on tugging them in for a sleepover when it gets too cold.”

a familiar voice coos, “oh, what pretty eyes—i know it’s not everything, but he really is a cute baby, patton.”

“well, thank you, ma’am,” patton says, and the kitchen door opens to see patton holding logan again, his mom staring lovingly at the baby.

“we’re eating back here, aren’t we?” meredith says.

“i—yeah, yeah,” virgil says. “um—just here, i don’t think all of us will fit into the office, what do you—?”

“no,” meredith says, cutting him off. “you’re not working, it’s your birthday.”

“ you’re not working, you both retired,” virgil says.

“ none of you are working, it’s family time,” sarah says exasperatedly, sweeping past them with a tray, and his parents laugh.

“retired?” patton asks, glancing between them.

“well, relocated,” meredith says. “we’re making a new diner but taking a step back from running it day-to-day, you know.”

“not open yet, but it will be soon,” mark adds.

“what’s the estimate on that again?” virgil says. “you wanted all of us to come down for the opening, right?”

“all of us?” patton says.

“siblings—wyatt, esther, silas, winifred, and i,” virgil says. at patton’s startled look, he gives his parents a Look. “yeah, virgil doesn’t sound so out of place with all that, does it?”

“we like old-fashioned names,” meredith says, unrepentant.

“i mean, i can’t talk, my name is patton,” patton says.

“and what a lovely name it is,” meredith says.

“well, thank you,” patton says. “i thought so too.”

“speaking of all those old-fashioned names,” mark says dryly, “virgil, do you know when your siblings are coming to town?”

“freddie’s coming tomorrow, silas and essie and annabelle are coming on the twenty-third, and wyatt can’t get off work until christmas eve, so he’ll be there in the morning,” virgil rattles off.

“ah, wyatt,” mark says.

“darn wyatt, coming in late for family bonding time because he’s held up by being a surgical resident,” meredith quips.

“whoa, really?” patton says. “what kind?”

“orthopedic,” they all chorus.

“still a resident,” virgil adds. “but he’s doing well.”

“that’s great,” patton says sincerely. “a surgeon, wow.”

“we knew as soon as he kept picking out operation for game night,” meredith jokes, and patton giggles.

virgil’s found himself trying to make him laugh a lot, over the past month—when he does, it seems like the new bags under his eyes and the almost-always-furrowed brow disappear, and the transformation’s practically magic. eyes crinkling at the corners, smile wide and bright, carefree and happy. he looks like a kid, just for a moment. like he should.

it seems like, after seeing patton laugh, his mom picks up on that mission too.

she’s cracking jokes left and right—telling old diner stories, resorting to puns and knock-knock jokes, at some point, which patton sure doesn’t seem to mind—as sarah ends up taking their orders and his dad takes his turn on holding logan.

mark danes is usually a pretty straight-faced, non-reactive kind of man, but every time he holds a baby, it gets pitched out of the window. virgil basically sees his dad melt into a puddle of syrup as he coos softly at the sleeping logan.

he kind of pouts a little when he has to put him down to eat.

after sarah darts off, meredith asks, “so what are you two planning on doing for the holidays?” and virgil freezes, just a little. he has been very carefully Not Asking that exact question, but now—

“oh,” patton says, and laughs a little nervously. “um, i’m not sure yet? working, maybe, i think maria mentioned something about holiday overtime pay—”

“you can’t work on christmas,” meredith says, aghast. “maria wouldn’t make you—“

“well, no, but since i don’t—i mean, i’m not really—“ patton fumbles.

“right, so, work is a potential plan,” virgil cuts in, mostly out of pity, in an attempt to take some of the attention of patton. “could you pass me the syrup?”

patton does, obligingly, and by the time he’s set the pitcher in virgil’s hand it seems like he’s a bit less spooked, a bit more settled.

“i guess i haven’t thought about it very much,” patton says. “it’s not very—i mean, i’m not much of a christmas person, i guess.”

virgil frowns. “you’ve been singing logan christmas songs since december started.”

which is true—logan does not seem to be a fan of “frosty the snowman” or “i saw mommy kissing santa claus,” considering he cries whenever patton tries to sing them, but he likes “deck the halls” and “god rest ye merry gentlemen.” virgil’d had no idea a baby could be so opinionated about music.

patton flushes, and virgil immediately feels bad. patton clears his throat.

“i don’t know my plan, really,” patton finishes in a mumble.

“well, if you’re looking for a plan,” meredith says, “surely virgil’s brought up—”

virgil could kick her—he would, if the counter wasn’t in his way—and hisses, “ mom, he doesn’t have to—”

“did you not offer? virgil danes, we raised you to have manners , for god’s sake, don’t tell me—“

“—well i didn’t know if we were still doing that, there isn’t as much space in the apartment as there was in the house—“

“—oh, and you expect the diner will be open on christmas, we’ve always done it in the diner, don’t try to pass off lack of space as an—“

“—well i didn’t know, usually you’re in charge of christmas stuff—!”

“—we’re having it in your diner this year, virgil, it’s not ours anymore—”

“ dear,” mark says, equable even as patton squirms a little in the face of virgil getting a parental lecture, “let’s remember that it’s virgil’s birthday, he has a friend here, and there’s still almost a week to christmas, shall we?”

meredith settles back with a huff, picking up her fork and knife to pointedly cut a triangle of pancake, and virgil, feeling his face heat, nudges at his hashbrowns with his fork, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

“i was going to bring it up once i knew the whole plan,” virgil mutters, and his mother sighs—a familiar sigh, one that’s been decreasing since his teen years, but one that still grates anytime he hears it—and takes a sip of her coffee before she speaks.

“it is your first time planning the family christmas,” she says. “sorry. long night of travel. you know how it is.”

he does. his mother, impetuous and quick-tempered and a direct inverse to his coolheaded father, was quick to snap but quick to calm—these kinds of squabbles with his mom tended to look bad, from the outside, but most every member of the danes family knew these fights are over and forgotten as soon as someone says sorry.

at least, it’s over and forgotten as soon as someone said sorry with his mom. mileage on that ranged when it came to the other members of the danes family, considering all of them have been called some variation of “an impossible, bitter, surly, stubborn, infuriating killjoy” by taylor doose at least once in a continuation of the “doose vs danes” family feud that had been going on for two generations. granted, those two generations consist of taylor, meredith danes, and meredith danes’ children, so it’s not as impressive as it sounds.

“it’s fine,” virgil says, and it is, mostly. since he’s the only member of the danes family who’s prone to keeping arguments in the back of his head and running them over and over and over to see if the thousandth time he thought about it meant that he’d suddenly discover exactly why they hated him and why he was bound to be disowned. he’s also the only member of the danes family with anxiety. so. even though he might think about how everything is about to go wrong and collapse around him—

“it’s fine,” he repeats, more for his own benefit than anyone else’s. or at least, he thinks that, but his mother relaxes her shoulders and smiles at him, sheepish and apologetic, and... and it really is fine.

patton, observing this, seems to relax a little, too.

“patton,” mark says, cutting through any of the remaining awkwardness, “you wouldn’t happen to know maria’s christmas plans, would you?”

“she said she was going to visit her son, i think?” patton says uncertainly, and both mark and meredith make noises of recognition.

“oh, i wonder how john’s doing in—was it santa fe?”

“santa barbara,” virgil corrects absently, and the rest of the breakfast continues with virgil catching up his parents on the latest of the sideshire gossip, patton chiming in, when he can.

when they’re straightening up the dishes once they’re done, and virgil offers another refill for everyone, patton checks the time and says, “mine better be to go.”

“right, work,” virgil says, making sure that his cup is half-caf—he’ll probably notice, he always does, somehow, but honestly, the kid should cut back on his caffeine intake, it’s ridiculous—before he hands it over.

“well,” his mother says, offering her hand to shake. “it was very nice to meet one of virgil’s friends, patton—“

“— mom —”

“—and since i’m apparently still in charge of christmas plans, if you find yourself free, we’d love it if you and logan stopped by,” meredith says, chipper, and patton blinks.

“um—?”

“only if you want to,” virgil says hastily, but his father raises his voice just slightly to say, “well, since all the kids are coming and none of them have blessed us with grandchildren—“

“— dad—”

“consider it?” mark continues. “especially since maria won’t be in town, and it’s baby’s first christmas, and all. i know he won’t remember it, but a parent does—”

“ dad, seriously—“

“well, think it over!” his mother declares, as she ushers patton toward the door, “and have a wonderful day, and no matter what you decide, i would love to see your precious little logan again—“

"o kay, thanks, mom, i think patton gets it,” virgil says loudly. “you don’t need to walk him all the way back to the inn, you can go back to interrogating mrs. torres now.”

virgil takes over the ushering and ends up ushering both himself and patton (and logan, by proxy) right out the door.

“uh,” patton says. “so. those are your parents.”

“i am so sorry,” virgil says. “i think their social filters skipped a generation and then all got crammed into me for an overabundance of filter, or something. i think that’s what anxiety is, right?”

patton laughs, soft. “they were nice,” he says reassuringly. “really, i liked them.”

“seriously, you don’t have to feel pressured if you don’t wanna come,” virgil says. “they can be kinda pushy, but if you don’t wanna come, i can—”

“virgil,” patton says. “i—just let me think about it?”

“yeah,” virgil says. “yeah, of course. um. i hope you two have a good day at work.”

“you too,” patton says, and virgil watches close enough to make sure that he and logan cross the street safely, to take a deep breath, and to re-enter the chaos that is having part of his family in town.

oh, great. now he gets to look forward to everyone in his family in town.

⁂

“ah, patton!” maria says, and patton comes to a stop, smiling the best he can at her. she’s nice. she’s incredibly nice. patton is still a little nervous around her, but that’s because she’s, you know. his boss? and landlord? even though he knows that she’s incredibly nice.

“hello, ma’am.”

“oh, when am i going to break you of all that ma’am nonsense?” maria says warmly, before handing him a slip of paper. “now, i’ve got your schedule for the day written down, here, but if you wouldn’t mind meeting me in my office for lunch?”

“oh!” patton says, and winces when his voice cracks. “um, okay. did i do something wrong—?”

“no, no, nothing of the sort!” maria says hastily. “you’ve been a model employee. since you’ve been here a month or so, i just want to talk about how you’re settling in, that’s all. very routine.”

“oh,” patton says, and tries for a smile again. “um, okay! sure. when should i drop by?”

“noon will work just fine,” maria says, and smiles warmly at logan before patting patton on the shoulder. “now, pip pip! we’ve got a lot of work to do. it’s a new day!”

“yes, it is,” patton says, and opens up the schedule. he thinks that they’re made only for him because one, he’s newest, and on decreased hours since maria had pointed out that patton wold still be on paternity leave if he’d started working at the inn before logan was born, but two, he’s just been really forgetful lately, probably since he doesn’t sleep that much anymore. he isn’t sure how much of it is logan crying, or general insomnia, or being kept up at night by his head, or the fact that his “bed” in the poolhouse is a busted old pull-out bed that was a reject from one of the rooms; maria keeps telling him that she’ll get him a mattress, but he made her promise not to rush it, or anything, so he’ll get a proper bed when a customer damages one. but, anyways, he’s been very forgetful, and he really only remembered that it’s virgil’s birthday because maria mentioned it on his way out the door.

which he feels terrible about. sure, virgil didn’t mention the exact day of his birthday, when they met, but he still should have asked people. he didn’t even get him anything, and with how fast his funds are depleting, even with a job, he isn’t going to be able to get him anything nice. and virgil really deserves something nice, because virgil’s been so kind to him.

really, everyone in sideshire is being kind to him. it’s kind of weird. because they’re not like his parents or his parents’ friends' version of kind, the “i’m being nice to you now so you’ll do something nice for me later” kind of kind, but real, genuine kindness.

cindy in the kitchen had given him a ton of old baby clothes that might last logan until he’s two, swearing up and down that they’d been meaning to drop everything at goodwill for ages now and really patton was doing them a favor if he just swung by their house and picked it up, their wife would be glad to see them gone, she’d been lecturing cindy about it for ages.

hector with landscaping had been sealing up all the drafty parts of the poolhouse during his breaks, winking at patton and making him promise he won’t tell maria, because apparently hector was supposed to do that three summers ago and he’s really just catching up on late work, and patton doesn’t want anciano hector be in trouble with the big boss, now, did he? plus he’s promised to take a look at the clawfoot bathtub in the poolhouse where patton bathes, where the water never really heats.

pauline with the front desk had sniffed at his hair and said he looked like an unkempt puppy and given him a haircut, for free, and then a ton of her husband’s old sweaters, because patton had to at least look like he was proud to work at the inn, saying all of this sternly, even though when patton left he’d found three twenties slipped into various pockets that she refused to take back every time he’d tried to confront her about it.

rafael with repairs, after hearing he was trans, had donated some of his old binders for patton to use once he’s done with nursing logan, since he didn’t need them anymore, and had promised patton that this was a good place for trans people and if he needed anyone there was a group of trans or otherwise non-gender-conforming people in town who met up at remy aserinsky’s coffee shop once every month and he could give patton some of their numbers if he wanted and patton had nearly cried . (well, patton’s close to crying a lot these days, but all the post-partum research he’s been doing says that’s normal. even without.... everything else.)

and that’s just people at the inn alone, the big things they’d done, not even counting all the small, little kindnesses along the way—saving him a seat at lunch, making sure patton got whatever kind of cookie he wanted, helping pick up the slack with any rooms patton had forgotten, before he’d had a written schedule, picking up logan and bouncing him and cooing at him, and now logan has a cadre of honorary aunts and uncles and godparents.

not even counting the store-owners who point patton to where to find sales or coupons or tell him when to swing by so he gets the old food they discard and donate at the end of the day. not even counting just the neighbors, who always wave or say hello or murmur at logan, and—

and virgil. god, virgil, who’s feeding him and helping with logan and now inviting patton and logan to his family christmas, who’s there to listen and hug patton, if he needs it, and patton—

patton’s overwhelmed, is the only word for it. he’s bowled over by the level of kindness here. it’s a level of niceness that patton would have thought impossible, like it’s a completely unattainable utopia. people are kind here like it’s a given, like it’s thoughtless to be good, kind, gentle. they’re kind in the way that patton wants logan to see, growing up, to learn about helping people and being nice like it’s a given, and not an exchange of services. they’re kind in the way that patton desperately wants to be, but he knows he falls short every time, and—and he doesn’t even know how to start paying people back for everything they’re doing for him.

so that thought’s rattling around his head all morning along with everything else—really, it’s been knocking around up there for the past few weeks—so distracting that it’s nearly noon before he remembers that he’s due in maria’s office and he nearly swears before he hastily finishes making the bed of the latest room and dashes up the stairs, swinging around the doorframe, one hand bracing logan’s head.

“hi!” patton pants. “am i late?”

“right on time,” maria says and gestures. “please, take a seat anywhere you like.”

patton hesitates, eyes going to one specific spot, and maria laughs.

“i put that there on purpose,” she says reassuringly, rising from her desk and settling on the patterned, childish rug with, well—a nice spot for logan to lie down, really.

“um, okay,” patton says, and lifts logan from his carrier, unbuckling it, before he gently sets logan on his back. logan blinks up at him, considering, before he sticks his fingers into his mouth. patton sits back, and tries to make eye contact with maria, just for a moment. well. tries.

“adorable,” maria murmurs, eyes soundly fixed on the baby.

“sure is,” patton says proudly.

“and he’s doing well?” maria checks.

“other than the colic? healthiest little baby there could be, the six-week doctor’s appointment was a few days ago,” patton says. he’d swapped the appointment’s time three times to make sure that he wouldn’t have any surprise parent drop-ins, but they might have been notified by the insurance company that he’d gone, so. “he’s eating plenty, gaining weight, growing even more to make up for how small he was, since he was a preemie, you know—on track for all his milestones. early, for a few, actually.”

“oh?”

“yeah! apparently, it’s a bit weird that he started vocalizing early, that isn’t supposed to happen until about two months. oh! and i think he’s starting to recognize himself, yesterday he kept smiling and babbling and waving at whoever that strange baby in the mirror was. he seemed a bit confused that there were two of me. i think he’s due to start laughing any day now, too!”

“how wonderful,” maria says warmly.

“yeah, he is,” patton says, beaming.

“and the... other part, of that day?” maria asks, arching her eyebrows. “you were hoping to meet up with logan’s other father. christopher, wasn’t it?”

“yeah,” patton says quietly, looking down at logan, who removes his fingers from his mouth and waves an arm at him. “yeah, it’s christopher.”

mostly, kind of stunned to see patton. mostly, kind of stunned that patton had told him that yes, running away was a serious, permanent thing. mostly, kind of stunned that patton had a job, and a place to live, and no intention of returning home. mostly... well. mostly, stunned that out of the pair of them, it was patton who was going to legally sever himself from his parents. but... well. patton probably wouldn’t have to grocery shop for diapers or formula or anything a nearly-two-month-old baby could possibly need for about three months, along with a few things that logan is distinctly not old enough for—he’s pretty sure that the stuffed animals are okay, but the toys with little parts aren’t, and also that the brandy christopher got him (”you know giving a baby brandy to help with teething is an old wives’ tale, chris.” “didn’t say it was for him, mac.”) is going to turn into a christmas gift, or a donation to the inn’s kitchen, or something.

bittersweet. that’s what it was. it had felt so distinctly like an ending, for the two of them. patton and logan had both started crying during the drive home— home . to sideshire. patton guesses this is home now.

“he was good,” patton says. “supportive of, you know. the plan.”

maria surveys him for a few seconds, before she says, “well, that’s good, i suppose. do you have a preference for lunch? i can’t remember what’s on the menu today.”

“i don’t have a preference,” patton says quickly. he doesn’t want to put anyone at the inn out any more than they need to—who cares if he doesn’t like cassoulet, it’s food that they’re giving him, right? he doesn’t want to be ungrateful.

maria smiles at him, says “all right,” and buzzes for cindy to bring in some food and coffee.

they drop off a tray of sandwiches, and chips, and some cut-up fruit. okay. patton can stomach that. it’s unexpected, sure, considering the usually fancy menu that the inn boasts, but—but patton can stomach it.

“so, patton,” maria says, picking up a sandwich. “how have you been liking it here, so far?”

"it’s been fantastic,” patton says honestly. “everyone here is so nice.”

“i’m happy to hear it,” maria says, and she continues to ask him questions: does he knows his way around now, are his hours are good, would he like to switch up his schedule to better care for logan, now that he’s nearing the end of both paternity leave and shadowing the other housekeepers, have any guests given him any problems, is there anything he’d like to suggest to better the inn?

she and patton eat their way slowly through about half of the sandwich platter (turkey bacon, basil chicken, ham and cheese, italian deli) and maria continually pushes fruit in his direction.

“i swear you and virgil are ganging up on me,” patton says ruefully, accepting the grapes she’s nudged toward him, shortly after the melon, strawberries, and cantaloupe that he’s already eaten.

“you’re a growing boy,” maria says, blasé, and patton smiles a little at that.

“now,” she says, picking up yet another sandwich, “tell me about your plans for the future, what you’d like to do here.”

“oh,” patton says, startled. “um. to tell you the truth, i haven’t really—i haven’t really thought about it very much?”

“well, rightfully enough, you’re sixteen,” maria says. “plenty of things you could do, if you wanted, and you’ve only been here a month.”

“do you have any advice?” patton asks, because sure, he may have only been here a month, but he knows that maria is smart.

“well,” maria says. “i’d wager you don’t want to be a housekeeper forever.”

patton smiles sheepishly. “no, i don’t think so. i mean, it’s great here! but—”

“but you have quite a life ahead of you, i can tell,” maria says. “you’d be capable of plenty, you’re an intelligent young man.”

patton looks down at logan, face burning, and pretends to occupy himself with making sure that logan’s comfortable. intelligent. right.

“well, i don’t know about that,” he mumbles.

“well, i do,” she says firmly.

she’s just being nice, patton thinks.

“i’d like to keep you on, for as long as you like,” maria continues. “if for mostly selfish reasons.”

“i—i would like that,” patton says. “thank you.”

“now,” maria says. “i know i mentioned working on christmas, but i’m afraid that won’t be an option—there aren’t many guests staying, so it’s down to a skeleton staff. it will be up until after new years, i’m afraid, but christmas day seems like it’ll be out of the question, in terms of pay. it’s first come, first serve, and we have some employees who volunteered for it rather early this year, i hope you understand.”

“oh,” patton says.

“i hope you have plans,” maria says.

“i—well,” patton says, “i mean, virgil invited me to his family’s christmas, but—”

“oh, good!” maria says. “you deserve a nice christmas break. i’ll let cara know. their christmas dinners are wonderful, you’re in for a treat.”

“i—i’m sure i am,” patton says.

“on another piece of christmas business,” maria says, and digs around in her suit pocket, handing over an envelope. “we did very well this year, so here’s your christmas bonus.”

patton hesitates. “i—i can’t take that—”

“well, of course you can!” maria says. “everyone else is getting one too—”

“but everyone else isn’t living in your pool house,” patton says. “i mean, i-i’m grateful, of course i am, but i’m not paying enough for rent as is, and—”

“i take your rent out of your paycheck,” maria says softly. “the pool house is in disuse anyway, the most we were using it for was storage and we have a unit for that, regardless.”

“but—“

“patton,” she says, and then, firmly, “if you won’t take it for yourself, then take it for logan. put it toward toys, diapers, his college fund, whatever you like. children are expensive.”

a beat, and then she adds, “and if you won’t take it, i’m afraid i’ll have to use the check to buy logan a drumset when he is old enough, and you will think back on this conversation and rue allowing me to keep it.”

patton huffs out a laugh and, reluctantly, takes the check.

“thank you,” he mumbles to the ground.

“you’re quite welcome,” maria says, and then, “some mail came for you today.”

she reaches up onto the desk, and hands patton a manila folder.

patton’s mouth goes completely dry as he takes it. “oh.”

he swallows, and opens it just enough to slide out the sheaf of papers to see the heading— PETITION FOR EMANCIPATION —and swallows again, suddenly feeling dizzy and very grateful that he’s sitting on the floor.

“now, i know you didn’t want my john tangled up in it, but he has a friend who’s still in a firm in-state who knows this kind of law, and is willing to do it as a favor,” maria continues. patton slowly slides the papers back into the folder so he doesn’t see the heading.

“right,” he says.

“i know you’ve been struggling with whether or not you want to do this, but whatever you decide is right for you,” maria says gently. “do not let them change your mind. you will have help here, always, and not just from us in town—you can apply for temporary family assistance, if you like. but i looked into it and it would be much more likely if you were living with a relative—”

patton’s already shaking his head.

“state administered general assistance, then, i think it’s called,” maria says. “the lawyer—rachael, i can’t remember her last name—could probably help walk you through anything to get any help you and that sweet boy might need. i could give you her number.”

“right,” patton says, voice barely a whisper. “okay. thank you.”

maria sighs, before she reaches over and gently pinches the squishy part patton’s cheek.

“oh, my baby,” she says, “i know this will be hard for you, and i am so sorry. there is not a person in the world who deserves this level of heartbreak less.”

patton sniffles and swallows. he feels the strong urge to look away, to bury his face in his hands, and he could—maria’s hand on his face is in no way restrictive—but the cool, reassuring weight of maria’s hand is too comforting to discard. maria gently swipes her thumb across his cheek, erasing whatever tear track there might have been.

“whatever you decide, just... just know that you and that baby will be able to stay here for as long as you like. all right?” maria says softly.

“all right,” patton whispers. “thank you.”

maria smiles at him, sad, before she pats his cheek. “all right. would you like some cookies? chocolate is the fastest way to defeat sadness, you know.”

patton sniffles, again, and picks up logan, just to hold him close. “i—yeah, okay. sure. i’ll have some cookies.”

⁂

virgil has a morning routine half because routines and habits help with virgil’s anxiety, and half out of necessity.

he rolls out of bed and drags himself into the shower. he gets dressed in whatever combination of purple, plaid, and black that he wants to wear for the day. he gets a cup of coffee, because the timed coffee machine that he got himself after he moved into his apartment was frankly a blessing. he eats breakfast—usually a protein bar or an apple or something small, which his parents would probably disapprove of, but it’s fine because he makes up for it by having an early lunch to beat the usual lunch rush—and then descends the stairs to the diner, where he kicks on all the coffeemakers downstairs and turns on the lights and then unlocks the front door, for all of the workers on morning shift, and then retreats into the kitchen to start, well. cooking.

he’s on his way to unlock the front door when he draws back and tries not to shriek.

there’s someone sitting there, leaning back against the door, so he can’t see their face, with a winter coat and scarf and hat so he can’t even see their hair or skin color or any identifying factors.

virgil hesitates, before he moves to unlock the door and knocks gently against the door. please move please move please move please don’t be someone who died of exposure on my stoop—

they get to their feet before they dramatically spin and throw the scarf away from their face, revealing an impish grin that has haunted virgil since he was born, basically, and virgil slams his hand against the door as soon as he notices that she’s laughing, before he throws open the door.

“you asshole, i thought you were someone who decided to camp on my stoop and die of hypothermia to make some kind of anti-junk-food statement!”

“aw, i love you too, v, the most babiest of brothers—“

“—i am not a baby, i’m twenty-thre—”

“—gimmie a kiss!” freddie sings, attempting to box virgil in with some kind of hug. “kiss, kiss, kiss—“

“—ow, get off , you’re demon sent straight from hell to torment me—”

“—do not make me jump on you i will jump on your back and hang on until you acknowledge that your favorite sibling is back in town with some outward display of affection—“

“—okay first of all saying that you’re my favorite sibling is a stretch—”

“—well, it sure as hell isn’t silas, we both know wyatt is an alien, and considering essie is further from you in age, this means that you’ve clearly bonded the most with me—”

“—and second of all, if you jump onto my back i will throw you onto this tile floor, you see how mom and dad aren’t here to stop me and this is my diner now?”

“what are you, a professional wrestler?” freddie says, and virgil manages to squirm free and makes a hasty retreat to the counter. or, well, he tries. freddie is hot in pursuit.

“you realize that if you don’t now i’ll start this again during breakfast rush!” freddie taunts.

virgil weighs these options, before he heaves a massive sigh and, making a show of how grudging he is, leans over to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

freddie gasps, and clasps her hands under her chin, making a show of beaming up at him with a loud “ awww!”

virgil looks like a more even blend of their parents—dark hair, brown eyes, pale—whereas freddie much more favors their mom, dark hair, blue eyes, that same mischievous smile.

“aw, you do love me.”

“i said nothing of the sort,” virgil says, scowling.

“and that i’m your favorite, which i totally expect to be reflected in my christmas present,” freddie continues, bouncing behind the counter. virgil makes a sharp noise at her, making a cutting motion with his arm, as if to make a barrier to prevent her from following him.

“bar!”

freddie looks offended.

“unless you’re volunteering your services in the kitchen, in which case—“

freddie scuttles to a barstool, and virgil stifles his smile. freddie’s loudly and frequently expressed distaste for kitchen-work meant that she was always out front waitressing or handling orders with their mom.

“coffee!” she demands.

“absolutely not,” virgil says. “you’re already like this at five in the morning—“

“yeah, because i haven’t slept for twenty-seven hours,” freddie says.

“how is that my problem,” virgil says, “and also, what is wrong with you?”

“if you don’t give me caffeine, i’m tattling,” freddie says.

“if you keep complaining, i’m tattling,” virgil says, “guess which of ours is going to go over better?”

“you’re a snitch,” she accuses.

“who brought up tattling first?” virgil demands.

freddie then resorts to the deeply mature and time-honored tradition, a response that frequently gets shared between siblings—she sticks out her tongue and blows a raspberry.

virgil rolls his eyes, and he’s about to keep this sibling bickering thing going, except the door opens and sarah walks in, yawning, so that gets put on pause as sarah wakes up enough to see who’s sitting at the counter, so virgil gets to escape into the kitchen as the whole reunion thing goes down.

if the theory that virgil inherited an overabundance of filter is wrong, then he thinks that whatever social butterfly gene that usually gets distributed, freddie stole his in the womb, absorbing enough of it that there wasn’t any left for him nearly two years after she was born. she’s always been gregarious, noisy, chatty, managing to talk to anyone about anything. virgil thinks that freddie probably doesn’t know the meaning of the words shy, subtle, or embarrassment. she has no fear of making a fool of herself when she talks to anyone, and virgil means anyone.

case in point: she’s friendly with isadora prince. virgil would say friends, but he thinks that remus is closer with her than freddie is, especially since freddie’s been... god, who even knows where freddie’s been lately? virgil’s sure he’ll get his ear talked off about her various exploits since he’d last seen her.

and she does—between ducking back into the kitchen and running out orders, freddie keeps a stream of constant chatter going like she doesn’t really care if virgil’s there to listen or not. apparently, she was last in atlanta for a casting call, which she says was a bust with a grin and a shrug like it doesn’t really matter, and she’s been awake for twenty-seven hours because she’d gotten on the wrong bus and had a detour to st. louis—

“fred, even hearing you talk sometimes just skyrockets my blood pressure,” virgil says, trying not to cringe.

“what doesn’t?” freddie says pointedly.

“how did you confuse sideshire with st. louis?” virgil says.

“oh for god’s sake, i didn’t confuse them, it’s not my fault the bus depot doesn’t know how numbers work—“

the bell jangles, and then, “is that my snickerdoodle?”

freddie rolls her eyes at virgil, not quite able to tamp down her grin, and spins around to see their parents.

now that he’s not the center of it, virgil can appreciate that it is kind of funny to watch their parents fuss and fret over freddie; is she eating, is she sleeping—

“she was just telling me that she hasn’t slept for twenty-seven hours,” virgil says, fake-innocent, and squints at the clock in the corner. “twenty-eight now, i bet.”

freddie dramatically cries out “TRAITOR!” as their father immediately nudges freddie’s coffee cup toward virgil to take away and “winifred jane,” their mother scolds, and virgil cackles.

“i told you what would happen if you kept complaining!”

“what are you, a cop?” freddie demands. “what happened to youngest sibling solidarity?!?!”

“payback for scaring me.”

“ everything scares you!”

“scaring me on purpose, then!” virgil says, and ducks into the kitchen to dump out freddie’s cup when she starts looking murderous.

when he risks peeking out again (silas may not be his favorite sibling but freddie is definitely the one to look out for when it comes to retribution) his parents and his sister have clustered away into a booth. freddie, upon seeing him looking, proceeds to flip him off under the table, so he can see, but mark and meredith can’t. virgil tamps down his grin.

another time-honored tradition started back up, then.

not that he’d ever tell her this, but. it’s nice to have freddie home.

#my post #text #the sideshire files #my fic #my fanfic #sanders sides #love light gleams

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