#might be good who knows gonna post it anyways🙃🙃🙃

[agendabymooner]

i think he knows ! lando n. x ofc (alessandro sister!writer!ofc)

"he got the boyish look that i like in a man."

summary: nicola alessandro released a novel under the pen name 'grazie nichols' and everyone made sure that the fans are supporting her. lando norris could do anything but be subtle about the things he knew, and the novel's inspo was one of those things.

content warning: possible use of explicit language, appearance of other fictional characters (hearth sisters, lester ricciardo, etc), dirty jokes (no smut), ofc and lando being menaces, ofc being obsessed with lando, fans trying to come up with theories, ofc's account is private (colabebe)

note: (time check: 12:25 am) i'm sorry i dipped out 😭 a lot happened yesterday: i hung out with the guy (it was awkward lol) went to see the barbie movie with my sister then had a sangria after- i was planning to post something when i got home but apparently i'm a lightweight and was knocked out after. let me know what you think!!! anyway enjoy xx

ps. yes the graphics in here are stuff that i made hehe sorry if they're awful but these are just some last minute shit i made xx

masterlist

tagged grazienichols

liked by landonorris, alex_albon, arthurleclerc

user1 new booktok rec??

user2 the grid is literally hyping this up 😭 is it that good

user3 MORE FORMULA ONE BOOKS!!!

user4 my wallet: empty

user5 me rn: trying to determine which driver relates to the man in the book the most 🧐

user6 bets on leclerc

user7 hmmm i think its more like estie? he's giving muse

user8 it could be yuki ???

user9 i agree user6 it's most likely shal bc that man is book bf material

liked by landonorris, pierregasly, danielricciardo

danielricciardo i don't blame them; this book is a bomb ass book 😉 liked by grazienichols

grazienichols 🤪

user1 grazie stop emptying my wallet challenge 🤐

grazienichols 😶 sorry xx

user2 making money just to get to monaco gp- gurl i don't blame you 😭

grazienichols it's getting more expensive as years go on 🥶

f1 monaco gp you say??? 👀

user3 she's making money already just toss the ticket in us broke people's direction 🙃

user4 yeah what she said ^^

tagged charles_leclerc, loricciardo, estebanocon and 7 other people

liked by colabebe, danielricciardo, arthurleclerc

user1 isn't lester pregnant??? why is she bent like that on the 7th photo? 😭

user2 lester can do things us mere humans can't

alex_albon i am appalled liked by lando.jpg

lando.jpg i can't put too much photos sorry lad

alex_albon i'll remember this.

user3 lando fed us with the hearth sisters content at the slides 2, 4 and 6 and i've never felt this loved since my ex <3

user4 gurl 💀 u good

user5 ESTIE BESTIEEEE 😩 i might bust a lil gimme a sec to chill

user6 the sisters in blue 🤤

user7 who's the third photo?

user8 lester's youngest sister, nicola

danielricciardo loricciardo 🤨 what're u doing?

loricciardo protecting baby ric 😳 liked by lando.jpg

lando.jpg by flattening his head? 😟

loricciardo you just reduced my standing time and increased my bedrest time lando.jpg thx

lando.jpg what 😭 what's gonna happen if you're in bedrest? is the baby's head going to inflate back to place??

danielricciardo landonorris lad. that's not how it works.

arthurleclerc colabebe that pink is nice asf

colabebe thank you art!!! nice seeing you!!!

user9 uhhhhh?!!! arthur and daniel's in-law?

georgerussell63 why am i not there??? 🧐

lando.jpg my bad- i didn't really want you to take of your shirt in the middle of the ballroom hall. not really your night tonight mate.

user10 where is toto?!!!

lando.jpg god love him but he already has enough photo taken by his own wife. give others some chance to make it to my jpg account

user10 understood king 🤌

sylvieeford no max?? he really pissed you off 😹 liked by lando.jpg

lando.jpg yeah, and keep on reminding him that. maybe he'd apologize for once 🙄

landonorris posted a story !!!

tagged landonorris

liked by landonorris, danielricciardo, nora_alessandro

danielricciardo my favourite italian-british couple (no offense nora but i don't like georgerussell63 that much) liked by colabebe

nora_alessandro 😒😒

georgerussell63 you're not my favourite aussie either mate 😉

landonorris god gave me an equally obsessed gf and i love him for it liked by colabebe

colabebe just him??? 💔

landonorris me when you: 💗😩😳🤤

colabebe ❤️‍🩹

landonorris look at her

landonorris shes so pretty omg whats her @

oscarpiastri your simp looking ass is getting more obvious

colabebe 🤨 not my fault u don't get bitches 🤡

oscarpiastri do you wanna fight or wha 🤬

colabebe i deadlegged you last time and you ate shit so idk if thats even a question

oscarpiastri landonorris ur rat is at it again

landonorris hey man, that's my simp. leave her alone

mateoales throwing up

landonorris ratio + take L + didn't ask

colabebe cry + whine + sob + complain

mateoales you two are so mean when ur together

[galvanizedfriend]

hii Yokan! i miss you!😭

how are you? how is work?? I hope everything is going well<3

rn there's a little Comic Con in my city, and it really did help my mood!! (even tho I throwed up 6 times and fainted during the morning of the first day due to the heat and lack of iron🥲) 2 days down, 2 more to go 🙏

ANYWAYS! I know you've been going through a writer's block lately, and I read a post that said something about asking/commenting about the fictions to help the "stucked" autor, SO!

I've been re-reading TW III (shocking, I know) and those little hints about married!kc are just 😭😭 my heart melts, really, although... I was never really sure you'd get them married, mostly due to Care's speech to Cami about how Klaus supposedly sees weddings, and because I remember you saying that you weren't planning on giving them an actual marriage, but rather the closest thing next to it. I checked to comments to see other thoughts, and I saw one of you reply saying that you were completely against married!kc at the start, but then you were slowing changing your mind about it...

so, what was it that made you say "fuck it, I'm gonna ring the bells"?? is it because many people asked you to do it, so you are throwing us a bone, or is it something else?? I'm really interest on hearing the process of your change of heart <3

have a good one, friend <3 love you xoxo

I don't know if I am eloquent enough or if my train of thought makes much sense, but I will try 😂

Also grab a chair because this will be a long one. Be careful what you ask me, I do not know how to shut the fuck up 🙃

Objectively, I still think Klaus is not the marrying kind (in canon context, at least). That man has been alive for a thousand years. He's the vampire of vampires, one who sees humans as a lower species. He's used to getting what he wants by conquering and subjugating because he can. Why would he ever submit himself to an inherently human institution that, throughout history, has served as a tool for various types of social, political and religious control? The ceremony itself doesn't mean anything to him. He probably thinks it's ridiculous and performative, not to mention extremely frail. You can just change your mind and get a divorce, or the good old spouse murder, and then what? What's even the point?

(Just to be clear: I'm not personally preaching against weddings and marriages here btw, it's just how I think Klaus might have seen it.)

If you look at it from the sentimental side, Klaus spent almost a thousand years saying that love is a sign of weakness, a character flaw. He carried his siblings, the only people he genuinely cared about, inside coffins because he didn't trust them enough not to leave him, betray him or end up captured and killed by one of his enemies. Now, why would he want to marry someone, thus exposing yet another vulnerability to be exploited?

Having said that 😂

When we first see Klaus in TVD he's trying to surround himself with a whole new OP supernatural species that will have no choice but to stand with him. They will protect him, they will go to war for him, do whatever he asks them to and they will never leave (or that's what he thought, anyway) because they don't have a choice. That is the only way Klaus knows how to trust people: by completely removing their capacity to challenge him. That's how paranoid he is.

But as the story progresses, and especially with The Wolf in particular because it takes their relationship much further than the show, Klaus realizes there is more than one way to earn people's trust. I feel like that's one of the pillars of his relationship with Caroline. He could've just compelled her (in TVD, not TW because she's a witch), but he never did because he wanted more from her than obedience. All of the things he liked about her - her personality, her honesty, her fire, her loyalty - would've been essentially erased or made meaningless if he'd compelled her. Which puts her in direct opposition to how he related to his hybrids, right? He pretends to be fine with people who have no choice but to follow him, but what he really craves is more real than that. He surrounds himself with people who will worship the ground he walks on after some forged "gratitude" for releasing them of their curse, but he is fascinated by how gutsy Caroline is to look him in the eye and tell him the things that no one else will dare to. What he really seeks but doesn't have the courage to admit is that he wants someone who will choose to be with him. And that's the difficult part, because it can't be conquered or taken, it has to be earned.

Klaus comes from a place of paranoia and extreme distrust of everything and everyone around him, especially after Mikael in New Orleans, and he feels very isolated and alone. He tells Stefan about that, right? The loneliness of immortality. When The Wolf starts, in spite of how he and Caroline were having a bit of a thing before it, he's not sure she would want to stay with him. Actually, he thinks the first chance she gets, she's gonna bail. It's why he's mad when he thinks she wants to terminate the pregnancy. It's not about the baby (it's never about the baby), he couldn't care less about the damn baby at that point, it's the fact that he thinks she's trying to get rid of him, as if that pregnancy is the one thing that is holding them together at that point and so if she's no longer pregnant, she doesn't have to be with him. What I'm very inarticulately trying to say is that his initial approach to Caroline being pregnant is the same he had with his hybrids, as if the baby is a version of a sire bond. It's crazy and dysfunctional, yes, but it's how Klaus rationalizes it, how he thinks he gets to keep people around him - either through daggering them or giving them no choice.

Slowly, Klaus internalizes the fact that Caroline is choosing him. She tells him that a few times throughout the story, and even when he's hallucinating her at the beginning of TW4, because that's something that she has said before and that has stuck with him for reason. She could've left him at any point, but she didn't because she wants to be with him. It's a choice that she has made not because he forced her to, but because she's in love with him. She protects him, she fights for him, she walks through hellfire for him because she wants to, not because she must. He has earned her trust and her love and her loyalty. And that is something that is new for Klaus in his one thousand years of life, at least at this magnitude and with this much clarity and certitude.

So I think when I started writing TW3, which was them in their domestic era, it started to feel like something Klaus might actually do. Not just because it obviously does mean something to Caroline and he would basically do anything for her (even though she never asks for it, which in itself is something, because Caroline comes from relationships that made her feel so insecure and unsafe that she would've held on to a ring like a lifeline, but with Klaus she simply does not need hard evidence to feel safe and reassured, she knows how Klaus feels about her, she's very comfortable in their relationship, she knows that what offers her means a lot more than a thousand weddings to other people ever would - even though she does still love a good wedding lol), but because it suddenly makes sense to him. Not the big party, or the tradition of it, or making it official or anything of the sort, but as a way to externalize what he feels. There is a symbolism to it that while not ideal, it might be the closest to thing to expressing just how devoted he is to her and how she is, pure and simple, eternity for him. When that comes from someone who has lived for as long he has, and who has been as cynical as he was for as long as he was, it does mean something, even if nothing else does.

There is a territorial factor to it as well, of course. 😌 He's a very possessive man and so he wants everyone to know Caroline is his, and it's why it first came to him during the thing with Jackson, but it's more than just that. If it was just about that, he wouldn't do it. He is at a point where he no longer has any doubts about how Caroline feels for him (although there will be a little something something on that front at the beginning of TW4, just because they've been apart for so long, but it will be quickly dispelled).

The most sacred thing for Klaus was the vow he took with his siblings when they fled Viking Falls. They stuck together through everything because of that. He knows the value of a vow and a promise. And he wants a version of that with Caroline. It's the first time in his life when he contemplates genuinely offering that to someone other than his family. There are a million ways he could go about it, probably, but he knows asking her to marry him is the one that will be most representative to her, because of the age where she was born and how she grew up, etc.

And so that is why I decided that Klaus was going to buy a ring even though I crossed my heart and hoped to die a million times for years when people asked me about that. 😂 I just think it's the natural course this story has taken. It's long enough that it eventually made sense to me that he might do it.

Does any of that make sense???? I don't know! I just typed my stream of thought and hoped for the best and now I'm afraid to read it again, so apologies if it's just crazy words.

Now if only I can get back to writing and actually get to that part. 🥲 Pray for me 🙏

THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK! 🙃 Here have a pretty married Klaroline gif.

[feedthefandomfest]

Hi, I absolutely love this project and all the ideas but may I suggest an addition? I've seen a lot of posts trying to help people to comment, with the dos and don'ts, different ways to comment etc. but I have never seen a post on how to reply to comments as an author. Yet I've seen a lot of authors express that they don't actually really know how to reply or feel insecure about it.

So if we want to foster a fandom space that's more about community and less about content creators and consumers, maybe some resources about replying to comments might also help?

Ooh, yes. There are a few scenarios that come to mind where I commonly struggle in replying to comments:

just as a story that stirred up a tornado of amazing emotions makes a comment difficult to compose, a COMMENT that stirred up a tornado of amazing emotions makes a reply equally difficult!! how to express the jumbled joy and gratitude and excitement and and and

i find myself tone matching the comment? or trying to? only if the comment has a tone or style that i feel awkward utilizing, i'm afraid that awkwardness is coming across, and not in a charming way (ditto for feeling self-conscious if my reply is longer that the original comment. which... makes no sense?? it's like i'm afraid of coming across as desperate or something and i'm trying to play it chill 😂 THIS MIGHT JUST BE ME. I TEND TO OVERTHINK THINGS)

it's a WIP and i feel guilty for not updating in awhile, so my avoidant personality quirks hamstring my ability to reply... it's like i feel undeserving of the kindness? or like i use the comment to bargain with myself--go make progress on the WIP and then you can mention that in your reply!!--and then i fail to make progress and the bargain falls apart 😅

as a writer, i feel bad if my replies to different comments sound too similar. as though similarity = insincerity. OR like when you're drafting and you're like OH NO can't use that particular word/phrase because i just used it in a recent paragraph and surely others will notice the awk repetition and deem me clunky 🙃

very rarely, there are comments that make me feel shitty, often through some thoughtless phrasing (I truly don't think any of them intended to hurt my feelings), and so I'm left in the strange position of wanting to defend myself/my fic while wanting to avoid confrontation because i hate confrontation while wanting the commenter to be aware of how they might word things more sensitively in future while fearing i might alienate a reader when i need readers to LIVE 😭

Looking back on this list, it's very possible these are all manifestations of my very particular quirks and idiosyncrasies and whatnot, but it's also possible others are struggling in similar ways so I'm gonna post it anyway.

Any other aspects of replying to comments that writers struggle with? Any tips or tricks for how to reply to comments in a way that fosters community?

I'll start working on my own list of how I navigate the issues described above. Because I DO reply to comments and think it's so important for nurturing fandom life and inviting goodness into your own life.

Not to be too sappy but one of my best friends started out as a rambling raving commenter. One of those every chapter rambling raving commenters (the GOOD STUFF 🤌🏻), and I replied in kind, and then he found me on tumblr, and fast forward just shy of a year and he's one of my top precious people.

Posting fic, reading someone's fic, commenting, replying to comments -- all of these are weirdly intimate acts, in a way. Hence the awkwardness? Depending on the fic, it's like "hello, this is the product of my brain and my fingers touching the keys, and i may or may not have poured my heart and soul into it." and commenters who may or may not detect such things sometimes have the wherewithal to reply, "it was beautiful. wonderful. i loved it." and then what do you say? "thank you" doesn't feel adequate at all. AT ALL.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Hey kiko!

First off, i saw the stardew valley stream right before going to office (twas my mom's birthday the day you streamed and an ungodly hour where I'm at) and i was in such a good mood🥹🤌🏽💖 gojo is adorable, I cannot.

Second, I was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism and adhd (not a surprise, figured i was ✨ neurospicy✨ since i figured what it meant) and I was wondering... Gojo is neurospicy for sure, it's canon. But the way you write him, it's even more so. So out of curiosity, how would Goinko react to finding out their kids might be neurodivergent? And would that lead to satoru getting his own diagnosis?

HELLO!! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO YOUR MOM!!

Thank you for your message and question!!! 😊

Gojo in Stardew is so fucking cute that it makes me wanna die. My Kiko playthrough is already in year 2 and they’re living their best life (though, I did discover SVE Lance, recently, and all I’m sayin is that if Satoru didn’t already have my heart, Lance would be the first contender that’s actually piqued my interest).

I FUCKING GAVE YOU A HELLA LONG RANT SO THE REST IS BELOW THE CUT

WELCOME TO THE NEUROSPICY (I love this and I’m stealing it) COMMUNITY. We don’t have t-shirts yet because we got distracted before we could finalize the design and then all of our inspiration left and now we just cringe in self-hatred whenever we think about another project that’s half-finished… 🙃

I will die on the hill that canon Gojo is one of the most autistic coded characters I’ve seen in my entire life. There’s literally no valid argument against him being a member of our wonderful neurospicy community.

As I’ve mentioned before, I am also very fucking autistic and adhd. I wasn’t diagnosed with adhd until a few years ago, and I didn’t find out about my autism until last year 🫠🫠 the journey to that discovery was a wild one… To give context for how extreme my adhd is, I’ve gotten distracted mid sentence for this reply a total of three times already and went on my own tangents of making random notes and literally forgetting about this for ten minutes while I started googling things and then I looked down at my phone and realized I’d completely forgotten that I was TYPING THIS REPLY 😭

ANYWAY. YOU ASKED A GOINKO QUESTION AND I WOULD LOVE TO ANSWER IT.

How would Goinko react to finding out their kids might be neurodivergent? And would that lead to Satoru getting his diagnosis?

I LOVE THIS QUESTION. I LOVE IT. WITH MY WHOLE HEART.

I’m assuming we’re talking about Physical Paradox Goinko because you sent this not long after I posted begging for questions about them and their kids!

For those who don’t know, neurodivergence (adhd, autism, ocd, etc.) tends to be hereditary, which essentially means that neurodivergent parents have a high chance of having neurodivergent kids.

I’ve specifically written Physical Paradox Gojo with the idea in mind that he’s got a variety of neurodivergencies (Rai’s fun facts about brains have helped a ton and I always love hearing them! Rai, this is me telling you I wanna know more fun facts when you have the time). I’ve talked before about how he’s absolutely got adhd, whether hyperactive or not remains to be seen in the story, but I’ve been nailing a few things down lately so I’m excited to explore that more…

BUT THATS NOT THE POINT OF THIS REPLY. FUCKING FOCUS, KIKO.

I’m gonna answer these backwards because Gojo will get his diagnosis before they have kids. Because Rinko is studying cognitive and behavioral psychology, as of Summer Nights, she’s already noticed a few ticks and signs that Gojo has something. But she’s avoided saying anything for multiple reasons. (she’s still only a student, she doesn’t want to overstep in case he already knows and doesn’t want to talk about it, and she doesn’t want to offend him if he doesn’t know and doesn’t receive that kind of information well.) She literally had the thought in Summer Nights that it wasn’t like she could give him a diagnosis.

At some point in their relationship, she’s going to realize that he has no fucking clue and she’s going to say something. I haven’t decided if she does this before or after they start dating, but my main point is that by the time they’re talking kids, they’re gonna know they’ll have some neurospicy in them.

As for how they’ll react? They’ll love them no matter what and do everything they can to support them. They’ll struggle and have their bad days but they’ll figure things out and do their best to be there for them.

I imagine Eiji will be a lot like Satoru. I see him being loud and excitable as a young child and becoming more reserved and closed off as he gets older, which is how Satoru was.

I don’t know if I’ll explicitly include it anywhere in the series, but Satoru was loud and outgoing and friendly as a kid. As he got older, he struggled to connect with people because they couldn’t keep up with how chaotic he could be or they showed no interest in what he was passionate about. We’re sprinkling some rejection sensitivity that’s manifested as “fuck you, I don’t care about your shit, either then.” He keeps things surface level with most people because it’s not worth the time and energy just to be rejected or misunderstood. Obviously he’s different with Rinko, but that’s mainly because she’s shown that she can keep up with his ranting and there’s a part of his brain that desperately wants her to know he isn’t a shitty person and he doesn’t realize it’s because he’s pretty much already in love with her 😂😂😂 but really, Rinko can keep up with him and she meets his sarcasm with her own instead of brushing him off.

IM FORCING MYSELF TO STOP HERE OR ILL GO ON FOREVER. DID I ACTUALLY ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?? I HOPE I DID 😭😭

I hope you have a wonderful day or night!! 💕💕

[youredreamingofroo]

a bit of a message talking about inactivity and my possible hiatus. I dont know if this counts as a cw but i talk about depression here and there at the beginning (nothing graphic) and as usual, its a rant

im gonna be straight honest rn, i'm probably not gonna be active on tumblr for these next few days, ive been super up and down depressed and im just unmotivated and too tired to do anything, im still gonna check in here and there but dont expect me to reblog or reply to many posts, if at all. This could mark the beginning of a hiatus, but with mood swings and up and down depression, i could be back, active as ever tomorrow. Ever since ive uninstalled Sims 4, i did feel a weight lift off my shoulders, but simultaneously made me depressed due to the lack of... well... doing something, i dont... really know how to put it into words, its just something in my brain that i just cant explain, i guess a good way to put it is playing sims 4 gave me the motivation to stem off into other mediums, blender for example, gave me something to do, something to learn, and while i can still use blender, i just get progressively slower and slower at doing stuff in it because of my limited resources, some scenes i want to do require specific outfits and i dont have the facilities to make those outfits... i mean i probably do but i just dont feel motivated to do all that. I still play other games, ive been playing a lot of slime rancher 2 and have been trying to branch out to other games (indie games and bigger games), I want to post gameplay but if youve seen me rant about tumblr before, one of my biggest gripes is just how fucking annoying it is to upload images, so i just get completely unmotivated to post images/gameplay especially if its just some silly post. if uh if anyone is still reading this, ill be honest, i havent even been motivated to write about WAS at all, probably havent touched the planning doc in about 2 weeks. This... 'spiral'... has been noticeable for me for the last week as my sleep schedule gets swapped around from sleeping at night and awake during the day... to sleeping during the day and awake at night, this is all my fault, but its also just something that happens rotationally for me, i go from sleeping VERY early in the evening (6PM at the earliest) and waking at VERY early times in the morning (4AM at the latest) to sleeping VERY late in the morning (6AM at the earliest) and waking up late in the evening (3PM at the latest), i dont really know what causes the shift, but it happens, and i often blame myself for it even though i dont know what causes it...

anyways sorry, this will probably mark a very iffy hiatus, like i said ill be active but not... super active, i didnt check tumblr at all yesterday/monday, so thats kind of the pattern to expect from me depending on the day. In the meantime... i might try to get back into older sims games, ive mentioned this before, but i do have sims 1 on my laptop so maybe ill post stupid little gameplay posts from there (granted i havent played in like... a month 😐). I'll probably put up a poll after this post for people to vote on which sims game i should play- i KNOW i did it once before but im probably gonna do it again cuz i cant find the post and i have over 1000 posts 😭

if you read thus far, thank you for sticking around, if your a random person who read this for no reason... thanks? if your a follower of mine and cant understand where im coming from with this lengthy post, see yourself out or deal with it 🙃 otherwise, thank you all and i will be lurking about

[cinefairy]

Sighh, I was debating on whether or not I should send this, I know you coming across this it might seem like something to just overpass because it's non law of assumption related and probably will be a bit long.

I don't even know if you'll see this as you probably have so many asks and you haven't been on here in a while or as much(don't mean this in a bad way I swear 🙃).

I've known you since you started a few years ago on Tumblr and I honestly love seeing how much you've grown, and how beautiful you are in every way, you've always been so eloquent, graceful and pulchritudinous (even though I've never seen you in person I'm sure you very much, I don't need to see you to know you're absolutely beautiful).

I appreciate you so much, your attention to detail, your ability to understand and your ability to make people understand are all things I've always looked up to up to.

You've been an inspiration to me, to be more honest, to start writing again, I love your posts you write about certain topics, whether it be about people, law or assumption, the self, all of it so beautiful.

Thank you for what you do. I remember sending you a message a few months ago(on your other account), you told me to message you but I couldn't because I think your inbox wasn't open, I was so nervous and I sent an ask asking about it but I don't think you got it, which is completely okay! I'm not just sending this message to suck up to you, it's because I was looking at that ask I sent and I kept thinking about it.

Even if you don't see this, and it's lost in your inbox, I'm still sending it because at least I did. You've been a huge part of my journey in law of assumption, you were literally one of the first blogs (I think the first) I followed and it was a little after when you had first started it.

I remember all the drama and all the laughs, seeing you talk about important topics, people, sending you music, and now seeing you being as beautiful as you always have been and somehow even more if it's even possible to be that beautiful. You've always been a representation of what a good person or an honest person who has all the qualities of kindness, assertiveness and eloquence is to me. I've seen you on this blog for the past few years as a comfort for me, an everlasting kindness and safe space, which in my past I didn't really know what that was like, then I came across your blog and you as a person in general has such warmth, comfort in your spirit, I could easily feel it whenever I'm on your blog.

I may sound so overly complimentary towards and maybe it's my way of compensating for being a bit scared(I can promise you that all of it is honest though), and from your end it may sound weird since you don't really know me, and to be fair, I don't know you either but you mean a lot to me, I'll probably never forget you in my journey of life, even if you one day delete your blog. I know I said before that I don't mind if you don't see this but honestly a part of me is hoping you see this.

I don't know if I'm gonna take anon off or not because I'm a bit scared, for what? I don't know, I admire you greatly, so so much, I've always wanted to be your friend but I've been so shy. I know you'd be such an amazing friend too.

I wanna say I'm sorry if anything I say on here makes you uncomfortable or that it's too long or it seems weird or you want nothing to do with it, honestly my point of this message, I don't know why but I just have been contemplating lately about you because I kept remembering so much from when I first came on here, so much things I was so shy or nervous to say.

Anyway I absolutely adore and love you, just like I used to before, I still look forward to your posts and your asks even if you don't stay on here as much, notifications for you have stayed on for years, I don't plan on taking it off honestly, I hope you do get this, at least I hope you see it and read it even if not answering 💖

💖🥺

i am so happy i came across this. this was so beautiful.

it warms my heart to know that you have supported me throughout my ugliness, the drama & how dumb & crazy i can get. i love that you’ve been there through my highs and lows and in all honesty that shows what kind of person you are.

honestly i wonder if my posts even do help or if i just blabber on stupidly so to know that they could provide something for you is so amazing. i have no words for this i truly have no words.

you are a kind and beautiful soul who deserves the best, for you to send me this message is just beautiful in itself.

there was a point in time on tumblr where i was considered this hard-headed disciplined person that people should be terrified of or whatever but you didnt see that in me. you saw something different, you actually saw me for who i am and i cant thank you enough for doing that.

you’re now an inspiration to me. ill remember you, ill remember that you sent me this message and ill remember that your message was full of love and ill give that love right back.

you’re so kind, you’re so sweet. i cant thank you enough for being there for me. even when we had our small chats, even if we never even interacted before. its just incredible

[marengogo]

I posted 258 times in 2022

That's 258 more posts than 2021!

124 posts created (48%)

134 posts reblogged (52%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@akookminsupporter

@stormblessed95

@chikooritajjk

@marengogo

@parkparkjeon

I tagged 151 of my posts in 2022

Only 41% of my posts had no tags

#asks - 35 posts

#jikook - 33 posts

#bts 7 nation army - 21 posts

#people who are lost - 20 posts

#jm - 16 posts

#jk - 12 posts

#bts chapter 2 - 10 posts

#about marengo - 9 posts

#jkk nak - 8 posts

#jimin - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 36 characters

#we ain’t about that life around here

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i cant stop thinking about the way jimin was giggling like a school girl after he called jk over as a guest for his bday party, and then getting all awkward and flustered as if talking to his school crush. he was smiling so much even if jungkook was just standing there— and the way jungkook was also giggling when he said "jimin came by" to greet him happy birthday on his recent live. my boys are so smitten for each other its so adorable

It’s the way they do things all the members do, but when they do it every so often it feels like we are intruding, you know?

Oh and let’s UNOT7nify things for a change, shall we? for all those people out there going “but Hobi was there as well so”. To begin with, we have no idea of how it all went down. If JM didn’t come forth with that Hobi super-crop, we could have assumed that maybe they visited him at different times. But even with Hobi being there, who was the one that was so eagerly awaiting this day? Who was the one who gave us another very cute super-crop picture, of JK this time, while he is seemingly blowing out candles? 

Hobi also joined them during JM’s birthday live last year, and people that don’t want to acknowledge it will not, but the change of atmosphere was instant. Before his arrival, not gonna lie to you, I was in disbelief and I didn't realise I was holding my breath until Hobi came in. Same with the Team Party-Party~! V-Live in LV, the way JM’s whole demeanour changed when JK walked into that room. Tae unbothered and Hobi moving aside, both probably being very used to this dynamic by now, but us still watching and wondering if all of this is okay to witness?! LOL

See the full post

43 notes - Posted September 12, 2022

#4

QUICKIE - 1: The Moon Embracing The Sun

LOVE AGAIN - by Daniel Caesar, Brandy  [CASE STUDY 01]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

Constantly, I hope everyone is doing great and I’m guessing we are all very excited about tomorrow! I’m perhaps overly excited and all I need to do at this point is try and get some sleep, like for real, but I feel like I’m a kid again and it's Xmas Eve’s Night where even tho I ain’t tryna catch Santa, I’m too hyped to sleep 🙃 … ANYWAYS, As the name of this series suggests, this is not going to be anything excessively long, but rather just a quick observation regarding some cute/lucky/noticeable occurrence I might have noticed or that might have happened in correlation to Jikook.

Today I’d like to talk about a “little” K-Drama called The Moon Embracing The Sun, which is from 2012, like, a good 10 years ago, but good stuff, good stuff! I literally just finished watching and it took me two weeks because I was trying to make it last (and it is a good 20 episodes). As you might already have deduced, the fact that it talked about The Moon and The Sun made me think of Jikook and straight away my brain started braining as I began to better understand a very distinct difference between how The West and The East perceive the relationship between the Moon and the Sun (myself being born and brought up in The West). 

First of all, I was quite intrigued to find out that the drama was a love story between the Sun and the Moon, since (as some might have gathered by now) with me being really big on mythology (greek/roman in particular), I’ve always had a hard time thinking of the Sun and the Moon as anything other than twins, which is what Apollo (eventually god of the Sun) and Artemis (eventually goddess of the moon) are. In The East it appears that they for the most part star crossed lovers for something the moon did apparently, but lovers nevertheless.

See the full post

46 notes - Posted October 14, 2022

#3

Silver Lining - What If #2 : I Caught You Bae Bae! [PART 1]

Dreamers - by Jungkook of BTS  [Music from the FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 Official Soundtrack]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

This week has been a bit messy hasn’t it? And to top the madness all off, though I’m sure we are all happy to see that JK is doing well, thanks to his IG updates, it would have been great to “hear” from Jimin as well 🥹at this point is like, I know you working but, help a sister out you know? Like we be “worrying”/hella selfish here in this neck of the woods, like … jimiii↗️↘️iiin, I MISS SO MUCH IT HURTS 😭. So I thought I’d stop by to write something … cute me thinks? I think we can all use some fluffy, tender and light STD: Speculations, Thoughts and Delulu. In fact, the idea for this post was the result of me reading this post → Jikook After Tokyo by @wingzie. So welcome to another long ass post! 

Though wingzie’s post was clearly about both JM and JK, I haven’t been able to shake off the image of Jimin blushing/being shy. I’ve always felt like Park Jimin is the kind of human being who, at least until circa pre-2018, would instantly wear his heart on his sleeve full-throttle. As of present, he seems to be much more in control with regards to the majority of emotions that he can control, sometimes even resorting to smart talk/ cynicism as a substitute as well. But oh boi, it used to be that we were always made aware of any kind of emotion he felt from little happiness and ecstasy to pet-peeves and straight up being bothered.

The only time we are now privy of a non-controlled emotion from Jimin is when he blushes/gets shy. There are infinite reasons why different people get shy. Some people get shy out of being complimented, some people get shy just being in the proximity of the person they maybe fancy, some people get shy when put on the spot, etc etc etc. When it comes to JM, what in my opinion, seems to be his shy trigger are situations where he REALLY doesn’t know what to do. So he “blushes” or becomes “shy”, so to say, and in his case it seems to happen mostly on 2 particular scenarios:

He is out of depts, not in his element, doesn't want us to know, and he is well aware that it will show on his face.

He hasn’t yet processed his feelings with regards to a certain situation. Hence, he hides his face so that we don’t see how he is feeling in that moment, before he himself can actually process what it is that he is even feeling.

Now, though JM has admitted on many occasions that he is indeed the shiest member of the band, people who are just focused on his performance persona, or just observe him within his comfort zone (which is for example anything with his members RUN BTS, BON VOYAGE etc) will not notice this side of him all, in fact they might even think that he is “capping”.

See the full post

52 notes - Posted November 20, 2022

#2

hi dunno if you had this question or not but do u think before jikook become a "thing" vmin and jihope messed around... cos if u ask other blogs they will beat around the bushes but aint nobody actually answering lol im saying this cos vmin are close as jihope hobi was his roomate tho (roomates) i didnt see jimin &hobi dynamic turn around like this until bv in malta or burn the stage..?

anyway it doesnt changr my opinion on jikook im just curious cos it looks like they prob messed around lol and

at some point i think rm had a crush on jimin too thats why sometimes jungkook had ?? a "problem with minimoni " monitoring jikook

Hello Anon,

Sure, let’s talk abou it.

No, I don’t think JM messed around with any other member in BTS before, during or after JK. Short answer; amongst other factors, one (not the main factor but  …) is it would take a person who actually thinks they are desired in such a manner to do so, and quite unfortunately, for the longest time, I do believe JM didn’t believe himself to be said person at all. As for the Long answer, let’s look at each pairing you mentioned, shall we?

Let’s start with giving some context to my thoughts: 

Not sure if you read any other of my posts, but I think 2015 was the year JK started “peacocking” so to say, at JM, and through ups and downs it took them 2017/2018 to actually enter a steady relationship and by steady I don’t mean they were in an open relationship prior to this. What I mean is that they both were trying to figure out things like, for example; what they actually were feeling for each other, or would them “being together” actually work, or could they really actually do this., etc, etc etc.  

Furthermore, I should add, that I believe JM “taunting” JK with requests of kisses and telling him he liked him and wanted to go out with him etc, as they already had a very good relationship off-camera (as proven by various interviews), was just an also quite naive approached mixing at an attempt to establish a connection with JK on camera, with feelings he still himself hadn’t quite properly acknowledged. In simple words: He was consciously kidding about feelings he subconsciously already had but never really took seriously. 

See the full post

57 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Well Well Well … - 1 : … BRUH~!

Shinunoga E-Wa - by 藤井風 (Fuji Kaze)  [HELP EVER HURT NEVER]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

I’ve been wondering.

For the past week, I’ve been wondering about what Jeon Jungkook would do for Park Jimin’s birthday  privately. Because I was 100% sure he wouldn’t appear in JM’s vlive, just as much as I was 100% sure JM wouldn’t vlive from his private home (my reasons being, are probably for another post though … 😁). BUT, at the same time I did  wonder; since JK doesn’t have the excuse of being at the company anymore, and since he is not going to release another 100% centric Jimin GCF; … what is he going to do? So you might be wondering: if you didn;t think he was going to do anything public, why still wonder about what he could do?

MIND YOU, being the private person that he is (they are), I did for the most part  expected JK to not post anything at all. So I was actually at work wanting to talk to my loved one and not being able to (don’t ask…) while waiting for some Jikookers to beg for JK to post something, the whole time thinking “…  it would be nice if they’d leave JK alone, is not like he is going to publicly do anything ..”. AND THEN, the second I thought that, I remember about last years birthday and I was like “🤦🏾‍♀️🙄😒😬…”.

Which brought me right back to the me that had been hypothetically thinking about “if, then what?”. If JK really wanted to publicly wish JM a happy birthday in a still intimate way but still not being caught: HOW THE FUCK WOULD HE DO THAT? 

See the full post

60 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[lettucedloophole]

cw vague discussion of sexual stuff and Tmi stuff about transition (Transgener) and also just me journalling my feelings

this is gonna sound Crazy but i think porn (and cishet boys making porn noises. do not miss when that was peak humour) made me dysphoric about the way i moan 😭

i get a little distressed worrying about if my reasons for transition are disproportionately sexual or overly related to misogyny, but it would make sense that they would be sexual because Thats the site of Misogyny, and ultimately i do think misogyny caused some of my dysphoria, if not most of it, though i can't say all because i think in a genderless society it would be quite natural to alter your body-- going on hormones or getting surgery would be like getting a piercing or tattoo, but hopefully without the prior distress of the Imposition of Gender and yknow. Patriarchal Discrimination.

i'm pretty certain i would be happy living with the effects of hormones day to day (except balding. will go Livid if that happens tho i mean... i like shaving my head a lot and odd haircuts so it probs wouldnt be a big deal but i want the option of growing it out to remain) but im not sure if i can say the same about bottom surgery. it seems like other trans ppl are so sure 😭 and i mean it's not like it'd be feasible for me to get it for a long time anyway but i might as well think about it in the mean time... i'm kind of ambivalent abt my vagina. but i wonder if i could be happier with something else? but i don't want to Not have a vagina in Case though (i dont think i can do anal. not willing to prep that much 💀)

so i always thought if i would get bottom surgery i'd go for a vaginal-preserving phalloplasty but i saw a pretty good meta result some days ago that's making me reconsider. and then it makes me think like, what do i want a dick for? it seems kind of.. troublesome to have an organ between ur legs. i think i'm focused a lot on ejaculation (oh yeah this post is def getting a cw) but that's not something i can do with a vaginal-preserving phalloplasty, i think. and then there's the question of clit burial and i naturally lean towards not burying it but i think i would prefer to bury it if i was sure .. and idk the complication rate cos if i lose sensation (i'm fine with doing a forearm graft) i would Lose my Mcfucking mind. i think maybe. and it's scary since there's a lot of surgeons out there who just seem to want to hurt trans people. but i'm fat anyway so i would probably not even be accepted for surgery lol 😭

so it's probably never even going to be possible for me. i take comfort in the idea that i can pack and bind and sort of. try b4 u buy. yk 🫡👍 tho im not getting top surg bc i dont wanna and i feel like i have some body acceptance to do in regards to my boobs. im rly ,, ashamed of them bc i have lots of acne scars and other scabs (caused by me. picking at my skin. either scrapes or acne lmao) and i think i would be happy with them and a lot more of my body if i could stop picking at shit and have those scars clear up. its acc so isolating to have this issue so shoutout to the one lady i followed on twt who posted a proud boob pic with some boob scars or acne (or as i call it boob-ne. like back-ne but it doesn't rhyme but it sounds funny) or smth. that made me feel less alone and not ugly 🙏

i have a lot of scars on my shoulders (Prime skin picking real estate) and the center of my chest but i still wear clothes that. show those areas sometimes and i wonder if ppl think im brave. bc i'm not i just try not to think about it after the clothes are on and i'm outside of my room Doin Stuff . same with the cutting scars on my arm but mostly my thighs. no one has ever really brought up my picking or self harm scars save for the first time my dad saw my self harm scars (that was a doozy) and this one time my dad's friend looked at my facial acne and gave me a recommendation for some product (i know she meant well but. girl 🙃) and i am so fucking thankful for ppls silence. like please just let me exist

i saw one of my childhood friends recently and Embarassingly enough i had a Mental Illness moment in front of her and i kind of wanted to, to shatter the illusion that i was the same as i was as a child because i feel so different that it feels like a lie, and i feel like i need to show the real me to people so they can decide to hate me if they want to. but i also kind of didn't want to but it would be difficult for me to cry and then collect myself in public 😭 and she comforted me but didn't make a big deal about it and maybe that helped more. idk i and probably others put a lot of emphasis on mental health but it's kind of nice to feel like... normal.. and move on. my mom kind of smothers me about my mental health and it's something i appreciate technically but maybe not in practice. idk if it's trauma but maybe i just don't appreciate physical comfort as much as i thought i did, or emotional worrying over ppl. it's just confusing bc i thought i desired these things a lot but i think it was just that the complete absence of them from my life affected me negatively, and i wanted Some Amount of it but not like A Lot. it seemed like i wanted a lot because of how much i was yearning for it but i don't think so lol 😭

it kind of follows that pattern of my mom being Too much and my dad being too little (Borderline neglectful but emotionally lmao 😭) so i guess it makes sense why my desires don't align with what i actually want. i suppose i need to Experience more to figure it out.

i also keep having Bisexual Panik that im turning straighter or am going to date a cis guy because i feel like i place a lot of emphasis on my attraction to guys. in my Mind. but i think i just note when i'm attracted to guys more bc im much more often attracted to women . and it would be difficult to keep track of all the attractive women 😭 i worry sometimes that ppl are gonna see this and be like "oh this bihet's gonna end up with a man" but what i worry about even more than that is they might be right.. but i hope not. i dony want date cishet man <3

ive reached the point in my college class now where ive Given up on voluntary reading. technically it's not voluntary but if we're not doing a class activity with it or discussing it in class its voluntary to me lmfao 💀 i struggled quite a bit with my lastest assignment, though i did get it done on time, which makes me worry that I won't be able to handle two classes. i really worry that i'm never going to be mentally stable enough to hack it. i don't think mental health meds can fix that for me as the only ones i have left to try (or the ones my psych thinks i should try, anyway) are antipsychotics and i keep having fucking insurance issues with them and they're charging me a bajillion fucking dollars so at that rate i'm never going to try them lmfao. so then i should maybe try getting tested for adhd again or autism.. but getting dxed with autism would do Nothing and just cost money. but if i did have adhd and needed medication and that made me function better, that would help! but i also worry that i have no observable condition and am just simply unable to exist in the capitalist hellscape climate by virtue of being the me... that would be the worst. but i worry that's what it is lol 😭 ah i should schedule an adhd test before i change my mind

[iridescent-blue-scales]

i feel bad for thinking this but like,, my mom and brother do chipotle movie fridays and they came home not that long ago with their bowl and burrito and chips. i looked up how many calories are in an average bowl,, and they ate more than me in one meal than i did in the entire day (knowing them it's certainly on the higher end of the average, and they had chips with guac). i hate that i feel like that but fuck dude. when my mom came home she said she was starving and i know she had a full breakfast too.

ANYWAY i was gonna have a sandwich for dinner but my bread (which expires today) had some mold so i pivoted.

also i've decided it's day one this diet was just something called get worse so day one: 1400 cals. not following any of the rules (except for the fasting one if you know the diet). i may have to pause it at some point depending on if the fam does something (unlikely) but i'll let you know if that happens

so i had my fried rice for breakfast (turns out i forgot to add oil in the recipe on lose it so that's +120 calories to yesterday btw 🙃 fixed from now on. also wanna get used to smaller portion sizes so i weighed it today to see how much the full dish is so i can start halving it or more starting tomorrow) with a diet coke, half a bag of shirataki noodles (seriously it's 5 cals for half the bag and it's pretty good) with an egg and green onion (picked off half the green onion at some point tho it was a little too earthy still after a wash), and to replace my sandwich i basically had everything (except for ketchup) just in a taco shell?? it wasn't great but was better than i expected and it nearly halved the cals so 10/10 if you still want sandwiches i suggest taco shells (honey ham, gouda, 1tbsp mayo, bit of lettuce).

app is lose it bc i'm doing the below instead of the usual string lolol

just combining it to here so hopefully i don't clog your feed with a million posts úwù

day one: stats + some of my identity owo

i'm mo; 21; 5'8"; cw 267lbs; sw 280; ugw 130 but may go lower; goal weights are mainly bmi changes or like certain milestones; i use any pronouns but i'm afab and consider myself genderqueer; i'm lesbiab

yes i changed the name i go by on here to a nickname of my actual name. i chose it only a few months ago and it sparks so much joy that it's dulled out the names i liked when i was super into a piece of media (last one was spider-man hence why i went by peter lmfao).

uhhh if you guys wanna see (clothed) pics of me lmk ig. i don't support using fat people as a "do you wanna look like this" kinda thing but hey it might be a nice reminder to some of you who are thinner/started off thinner that we're here and we have this problem too. idk. sometimes i just feel weird when i see peoples sw literally be one of my gws or my actual ugw. even if it's not true it feels like i'm the only fatty here when i doomscroll sometimes

god my posts are so long. good on you if you actually read this haha

[jd-loves-fiction]

Hi! Can I rq headcanons for gojo with a s/o who's also a vessel? (Just like itadori's a vessel for sakuna, y/n has a really powerful curse that lives inside of her)

🌑 did you mean my oc👀might post that drabble some time idk I'm so basic anyways

Sorry this is so fucking messy🙃

❖ 𝐆𝐨𝐣𝐨 ❖

so imma make them a sorcerer, not a teacher, they just be around Gojo and the kids sometimes, kinda like Nanami

Oh man where do I start

Gojo thinks you're badass, amazing, showstopping-- you get it

He simping hard

He's also very intrigued 👀 by your power

He probably did to you what he did to Yuuji, in vouching for you probably because you're pretty

If the curse has a superiority complex like Sukuna, believe he's gonna fire back

My dude will have full hour, mildly irritated, conversations with your cheek if you let him

Does like your curse better tho, simply because it's attached to you🥴

He knows the higher-ups loath your existence, just like Yuuji, and even though he knows full well that you're more than capable of defending yourself he's always looking out for you. Wether it be by putting a good word in for your work or stopping an attempted assassination, he got u😌✊

The first time he saw the curse take over he felt a lot of things but the most prominent ones were the 'need to protecc' and 'holy shit that's kinda hot'

Seeing you go fucking feral, low-key makes him feel some kinda way

Of course he brings it up to you and the curse as a way to tease both of y'all and he gets smacked twice for it :)

If you become some sort of mentor to Yuuji, his heart will melt, and also you'll just make his life a lot easier

Overall, very interested, borderline pestering the both of you for information but hey, it's something you and your curse can bond over🤔

[hatchetation]

Hello!!

Brace yourself pls cuz it's gonna be a long rant!

CAN I JUST SAY HOW CHAOTIC THE LAST KACY SCENE WAS!!!

Tbh I actually don't mind the break-up scene but the writing was so.... I don't have nice words for it. Dont get me wrong, the execution was brilliant; Tori & Yas nailed it but the dialogue tho.... 🙃

I was talking to another tumblr buddy and we agreed that it was out of character for Kate to "let things fizzle out" because mind you this is the same woman who had no qualms telling Lucy they couldn't "be doing it again". I think what she did to Cara was essentially ghosting. She didn't want to have that difficult conversation so she ghosted her and then dragged it for months until Cara literally showed up at her apartment. Im going to digress here a bit and say CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW CARA MIGHT HAVE FELT NOT KNOWING WHERE THEY STAND FOR MONTHS??? HOW THESE WOMEN NAVIGATE RELATIONSHIPS IS A QUESTION THAT I DON'T EVEN WANT THE ANSWERS TO!

Then our precious Kate said smth like if she told Lucy about Cara, Lucy would end it. EXCUSE ME!! FUCKING EXCUSE ME!! (OKAY YOU CAN TELL THAT I AM FURIOUS) You know when she said that, it could mean that she actually considered telling Lucy because she knew deep down it wasn't officially over with Cara because she hasnt put it in words. Like yes it's over in your head but until you tell the other person, IT IS NOT!!! You're aware you have not ended it officially with Cara but instead of dealing with it properly, you chose to let it fizzle out?? Help me understand here pls! I'm mad at the writing!

Before I end? CAN WE JUST HIGHLIGHT THE ABSURDITY OF KATE HAVING THE TIME TO AGREE ON PIZZA BUT NO TIME TO END THINGS WITH CARA! PRIORITIES WHISTLER PRIORITIES! OKAY IM JUST BEING PETTY AT THIS POINT AND THEY PROBABLY INCLUDED THAT FOR TENSION AND ALL... BUT STILL!

I LOVE HER SO MUCH BUT THIS WOMAN IS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME.

Also it might feel like I'm shouting at you, I'm not. Hahaha.

Haha don't worry, I didn't take your capitalizations as shouting at me lol. I think your outrage is totally fair!! That last scene was chaotic and for me completely unexpected--I'm def STILL processing (and maybe will be processing for a while lol).

I totally agree that Kate is such an IDIOT and like breaking up with someone sucks and is hard but you have to bite the bullet sometimes and just do the hard thing!! I will say there is some new fic on ao3 that provides a timeline for Cara coming over and stuff that makes sense to me and leaves me being like, Kate is still an idiot but I get how this could happen.

Anyway somewhat related I know that I have posted a bunch of things about leaning into the angst, but I also just want to say that your anger (and the anger of many people in my inbox lol) is so valid! Especially for queer women, we've been burned so many times by tv shows (either by queerbaiting or someone being killed off or what have you) that it's hard not to feel a sense of betrayal when something like this happens. I will say it's so early on and I have overall thought the writing for #kacy is really good so at this point I'm just curious to see where this goes!!!

[vtforpedro]

health update, long post - TWs in tags

I haven't made an update in a while because I am exhausted. more exhausted than I can say head is still bad. working with the new neuro and just last week he gave me the diagnosis of IIH I've been waiting for a year to happen c': because he's smart and knows everything has been ruled out and when I explain it feels like a bowling ball is sitting on the bridge of my nose during episodes and that my ears feel full, I have visual disturbances, I'm having trouble with memory/information processing, my nose pops lol that I am describing a fuck ton of pressure in my skull so I didn't have to do the lumbar puncture. wish the US would get caught up with the UK because they advise against LPs because they're DANGEROUS and doctors can use those extra years of school to make big brain decisions anyway. we're doing this thing of going up on one med at a time and over three weeks to reduce side effects because I am so sensitive to meds. going up on the med that treats the nerve pain I get from my brain being swollen from PRESSURE and pressing against the giant nerve on the side of my head lol taken three times a day so going up on dose more each week to get to the desired dose then I'll take the ~magic~ drug that is the only one prescribed to treat IIH by reducing the amount of spinal fluid surrounding your brain. really REALLY terrifies me because tons of people have to get off of it because of bad side effects and I'm already so sensitive 😭 but we're starting at a really low dose, half the usual starting dose, and also doing a three week thing to get to the desired dose if it doesn't help, he'll refer me to an IIH specialist at our big neuro hospital (my insurance might not let me see them though so I may have to go elsewhere but I was thinking why haven't they done that in the past year when he said it 🙃) and also probably a migraine specialist things are moving forward with that at least in remission from leukemia for 10 months as of last month and will be 12 in the first week of december!! my hematologist moved our appts out every six months c: so that's good. I got really lucky with it. still probably stuck in my apartment for another year because people can't get their shit together to put an end to covid. blood cancers can not only cause severe illness/death (and my labs are still abnormal even if the leukemia isn't detectable) but it could cause it to come out of remission with a vengeance so. can't be around people had to fight my apt complex just yesterday not to send maintenance in to change the fucking lightbulbs because I can't have people (who are apparently not required to wear masks anymore!!!!) who have been in countless other apts come into mine ha ha ha whole host of new GI problems tho!!!! so that's been fun. can't find a reason for it either so I'm not sure what my GI is gonna. do about it. I've had the double scope procedure, multiple abdominal ultrasounds and CT scans and now a good amount of labs with nothing that explains why I get some severe pain and constipation. haven't been constipated this entire year cause of my diet and it just started one day despite no changes. really frustrating I had a pain about a week ago so bad I could barely walk. it was low enough that I don't know if it was GI or reproductive system but it's been not great with pain saw an OBGYN yesterday for a pap smear. kinda still concerned about le lady parts but she said everything looked fine at least probably gonna get off birth control after we see how I do on the IIH med so we can determine where side effects, if any, are coming from. she said I will likely see positive benefits and both her and neuro agreed it might help my migraines weight loss has kind of stopped. right at 40lbs too. it's been so frustrating and I've tried to change up the foods I'm eating but it's just not happening. I absolutely need to lose more weight for the IIH so idk what to do. can't exercise at all. can barely move around to go to appointments and I barely make it through all the stuff I have to do after we're thinking I may need a

shower chair soon. it'll help but it also sucks that I need one at all. makes me sad, especially for the next reason! I woke up this morning to see that disability denied my claim. even after everything I gave her. I was expecting this, but still hoping for good news because of *gestures broadly* all of this, plus my neuropsych and psych both diagnosing me with severe depression and ptsd lmao so I'm kind of. really fucking down right now it could take two years before I have a hearing with a judge after appealing. I can only hope the lawyer I spoke to in april sticks to his word and takes my case on my age is working against me but I've had a history of depression/anxiety since I was 10 and started to be treated then too anyway this is getting really long. I've had so many appointments already this month and it's exhausting. it's exhausting having to deal with doctors who are as shitty as ever and it's exhausting having to come home and do covid procedure/shower and it's exhausting having to be worried about getting covid from medical professionals who are not nearly as careful as they should be I can't count how many times they've asked me or suggested I take off my masks lol this phlebotomist tried to kill me last week (I may be exaggerating) and had to get help despite my excellent veins that even while dehydrated give quick/good blood and the guy she had to call in to help told me I could take off my masks b/c that helps him with anxiety attacks I got an 'anxiety attack' because not only did she keep moving the needle in my arm over and over and over again but she gripped it so hard it was causing me 10/10 pain I CAN STILL FEEL THE BRUISE but she kept doing it after I was telling her it hurt very badly so I got super woozy and had to lie down lmao and then she missed my vein in my hand. when I had one tiny tube left out of SEVEN. he got it instantly and quickly I'm tired of these people!!!!! I'm tired of shit luck and shitty medical professionals I'm tired tired tired of it had three appts with the psychologist and it didn't work out cause he was a man in the end. but I have an intake appointment with a therapist today to get an official therapist and I'm crossing my fingers. I need an actual trauma therapist and a woman who will not likely laugh and say we need to work on my 'taste in men' like they weren't the ones to choose to abuse me my father and brother the longest??????? so lol wonderful thing to say but w/e. men being men my neuro wants an mri done in late dec/early jan and while I'm extremely...... extreeeemely......... tired of medical imaging, it'll probably be my last one unless something goes very wrong for like six months I cannot tell y'all how tired I am of all of this. they hand out labs and imaging orders like candy to likely avoid malpractice without a care or thought to the patient's time and money depression is bad right now. I'm just tired of all of this ANYWAY! even longer now I had to get a pill case cause my memory is getting so awful I will forget if I took my medicine or not within minutes of the time I need to and it's about 50/50 I think so I am either missing or doubling doses and yeah. I feel old. but it's rainbow-colored at least 😂 hope you're all doing well and staying safe. crazy world we live in and I hope it calms down eventually as far as the plague goes love you all very much. thanks for being so supportive and thank you ahead of time for any replies. I'm terrible at getting back to you all when I shouldn't be. I lack the spoons sometimes

[lvllns]

ah tysm!! I really appreciate it :) basically how did you know that reed was YOUR name?? I feel like I think about me as… me. rather than in relation to my name. ppl say it and I kind of go ‘oh shit yeah you mean me’. but I do want one that I feel good about? tho I don’t even know where to start in terms of finding the right one? like does it click? is there an ‘oh fuck yeah’ moment? where does one even begin with this that isn’t just another version of me researching oc names 🙃 any pointers are appreciated thank you

i have a feeling this is going to get long so preemptively sticking it under a readmore!

so, i don’t really hate my legal name. it’s whatever. it’s just a name and even though i might change it in the future, it’s fine for now. however, i didn’t want to go by it online so i shortened it up to caiti which was also fine for quite a bit! when i realized i was nb (looking back at all the names i’ve gone by online like lmao u weren’t slick bud) i decided to just keep using caiti bc: a) i didn’t want to change it after using it for so long, b) i was still holding onto this weird “no i’m not a woman but also i can’t let people KNOW THAT” thing that lasted for a bit.

then i started to get more comfortable with my gender. i figured out i lean more masc. i started kind of. setting caiti to one side bc that was slowly a name that didn’t fit me anymore. it was Too Gendered now. i knew i wanted to change my name bc fuck it, it’s online! who gives a shit, reinvent yourself every 3 months if you want, everything is fluid anyway.

ANYWAY, every oc of mine has a name that i absolutely considered using for at least half a day. i almost used kincaid. i thought about eli. sparrow. arden. beckett. but there was always like this “eh that’s just not me. it doesn’t fit.” so i never did. i thought about changing my name for months, i’m not gonna lie. it took ages.

hilariously, i was in the middle of making a new sidestep. i plopped the name reed down and immediately went “actually. that’s mine.” it clicked. i think i made the post about changing my name like 2 minutes later.

i really. really didn’t expect it to fit so well? like. i wasn’t sure if it would ever really feel like Me, mostly bc it was just online, but omg. let me tell you. hearing someone say my name?? hearing someone call me reed??? immediate burst of serotonin and dopamine and everything else just. yeah. yeah that’s Me.

all of this to say, that’s what it was like for me. i went through countless possibilities in my head before saying anything out loud and that’s something you could do too! or just pick a name! use it for a little bit. see how it feels beneath your fingers and in your mouth. if it stings the back of your tongue, try another. try again. go by two names. three if you want. take a name from a piece of media you like. scour name sites. there are no rules to this. things will change and shift, and what felt good 6 months ago might not now. and that’s totally fine!

the key is to do what makes you happy and comfortable, easier said than done in some situations, but just know that this is about you. and my ask box and dms are always open.

[icequeenbae]

holy shit snapshot was hot. i always have a thing for fuckboy!baek even tho it hurts most of the time🥲 call me a masochist o wateva idc. but yES SEQUEL OR PART 2 PLEASE. i NEED to know what happens in the future. IF ANYTHING. BUT IM HOPING🤞🤞 anyways thank you for the wonderful oneshot and i will be expecting a final part💕

I know, right?? Fuckboy!Baek hurts so good… I’m glad you enjoyed it, I was sort of postponing the release of this story since I wasn’t sure anyone’s gonna like it. But if it continues to do well, I might post a part 2 soon~ Who said anything about it being final tho? 🙃

Love ❤️