#mike's going to come terms with the truth soon

[eclipsebyler]

Mike and the “Truth” (A Long Analysis)

I always think about this S4 Byler heart to heart in the desert and how we understood the queer-coding of Will’s statements here:

And how Mike nods along with it, like he understands and agrees with the sentiment: "Because what if they don’t like the truth?”

Which will always baffle me because it doesn't make sense that he agrees here given the context of his problem.

Mike was opening up about his situation with El in this scene. How he wasn't able to tell everything to her. How he couldn't say I love you to her. He's thinking that maybe if he did do that, he would still have El by his side.

He didn't say the full details of the problem to Will. He keeps it vague. And Will tries to empathize with it anyway with his own thoughts. Something that he relates with about 'not being able to tell someone how you feel' and adding how 'scary it is because they might not like the truth'. And Mike nods in understanding.

But... why would vocalizing his love for his girlfriend a truth she wouldn’t like? When El herself has cried and confronted him about it and was asking him to reassure her that he still loves her. It’s something El has been waiting for and would love to hear. It shouldn't have made him feel scared or made him think she wouldn't like it or that it would hurt if he said it because it hurt her more that he didn't.

Unless this isn't what Mike is thinking about in this scene. Maybe he has another thing he is scared of her knowing, something she definitely wouldn't want to hear. Maybe there’s another reason why he’s having a hard time vocalizing his love for her — the full truth that he's holding back to say.

And what could possibly be a truth he’s scared El might not like?

In a few S4 scenes, we see Mike opening up about the truth to his feelings. He even starts his statements with it when he slowly gets vulnerable. 

1 - The bedroom heart to heart scene

The truth: His best friends are great, but they’re not Will. Will’s presence in his life is different from the others. Hawkins, their hometown, isn’t the same without him. 

If we recall in S1, Dustin insisted that Lucas was Mike’s best friend after they fought — Mike denies this and says all of them are important to him. Lucas, Will and Dustin are all equal in Mike’s eyes at this point of canon, they're all his best friends.

But then in S4, he says Max and Lucas and Dustin are different to Will. Will is in a tier higher than them now. There must be a gradual shift to how he sees Will through the years as they grew older. He’s more than a best friend to Mike now.

And then another truth he opens up about is that he felt like he lost Will because of worrying too much about El. 

Being in a relationship with El made him lose Will, has affected his friendship with him— but not his friendship with the other party members. This is another proof pointing towards Mike seeing Will differently from his other friends.

Instead, Will’s always being compared beside El — his supposed love interest. Mike even makes the comparison himself in their rink-o-mania fight.

When Will asks why he's been distant and didn't communicate with him for the past year, no letters, little to no phone calls; Mike retaliates with the reasoning that Will’s not his lover (like El is) for him to do that. He emphasizes they’re just friends.

What’s interesting in this scene is that Will isn’t even implying that. He just wanted to be close to be Mike again, like they used to be — best friends. 

Mike made the implication himself that if he did send a letter to Will, if he did call him as much — it would mean something more. Even though that’s a simple communication that should be normal you do with friends. Unless Mike has started thinking differently and have this exact train of thought when he thought of reaching out to Will. 

It wouldn't be farfetched. Given that Will did the same thing — he didn’t reach out as much to Mike and we know why. He must have been scared Mike would catch up on his feelings, that Mike would notice he's acting weird. He pushed him away because he’s scared of losing him.

(Mike has also felt weird the past year. Mike has also pushed Will away on a few occasions. It's easy to assume and put two and two together.)

2 - The van scene 

The truth: He doesn’t believe El needs him. He thinks she just needed someone, that anyone could have found her in that moment but he just got lucky that night. Their first meeting is not fate nor destiny, it’s just simple dumb luck.

Mike is having doubts about their relationship just like El is. El thinks he doesn’t love her, and Mike thinks she doesn’t need him. They don’t believe in each other anymore because they both see what’s happening in their relationship. Where Mike couldn’t say nor even write the world love to El even after being together for long, meanwhile there’s El who couldn’t depend on Mike and tell him the real situation of her life in Lenora. 

They’re slowly losing trust in each other, or rather, losing trust in their romantic relationship. (Or maybe they have already lost it.)

3 - The pizza dough freezer scene

The truth: Mike doesn’t know how to live without El. His life only started to have meaning or purpose when they found her in the woods. He fell in love at her at first sight and has loved her every day since. 

Mike’s monologue is an emotional speech of everything El needed to hear at this moment. Mike finally says he loves her, tells her that the reason why he couldn’t say it is because it would hurt at the end if she didn’t need him anymore, and not because he was scared of her (in relation to her worries of being perceived as a monster). He goes on a long list of how much he believes in El’s abilities and that she could do anything, that he loves and accepts her for who she is. But more than anything, El is his superhero. 

Now I don’t believe everything he said here is a total lie like most people say it is. Mike does love and cares so much about El, he does believe in her and he’s scared of losing her. El is important to him, just as she is to everyone else she loves. 

But some of the things he says here are very contradictory and doesn’t sound like the full truth — especially in relation to their romantic relationship. One of the biggest ones being how he says their first meeting is this fateful night where he fell in love with her. Out of all the sweet and cute moments between Mike and El, why is their first meeting (a horrible night for everyone no less) something he focused on and made it sound so romantic? 

It’s hard to believe because previously he admits that their first meeting is just simple dumb luck and suddenly it’s this grand romantic night of him meeting his first love. 

Nevertheless, this whole speech is Mike pouring out his love and care for El. 

However, between these three major scenes where Mike opens up about his feelings — which of these sounds like a truth Mike is scared of El knowing, a truth she (and the people he cares for) wouldn’t like?

Definitely not his grand love confession, because everyone already knows he loves El. If anything, El is the only one left doubting it and waiting to hear it. Mike finally says it, and whether El believes everything he said or not, we’re not sure of yet. But one thing for sure is Mike said everything she needed and would love to hear, not the opposite. 

“Sometimes, it’s just scary to open up like that. To say how you really feel. Especially to people you care about the most. Because what if they don’t like the truth?”

The only narratives that could fit this sentiment is the first two truths he says in his heart to hearts with Will. 

Mike might be scared of admitting that Will is more than a best friend to him now. He already grew romantic feelings for him. His life isn’t the same without Will. Mike has felt like he lost him because of El. And he wants him back like they used to. To be a team together, again.

And it also fits with how Mike admits that his relationship with El isn’t fated to happen and that it’s not going to last any longer. That after everything is over, he believes El won’t need him anymore. That with her, he feels like he’s just some random nerd who doesn’t have anything worth loving about him. Mike feels inferior to El, the same way El feels with him. They’re both stuck in this relationship that doesn’t help them grow individually.

Both of these are neither of the things he admits to El in the pizza dough freezer. He didn’t tell her the full truth (and given the grave situation at hand, I can understand why he couldn’t. El needed encouragement, not more disappointments). But more than that, Mike might still be scared of fully admitting and coming to terms with everything he feels.

I truly believe that in S5, all of these truths will be unpacked and come full circle. The biggest catalyst of it would definitely be the painting and the "You're the heart" speech. And it would affect all relationships involved one way or another: El and Mike. Mike and Will. And maybe to some extent, Will and El.

[dreamofbecoming]

more stobin nonsense from your resident trash goblin. feat. shitty harrington parents, lavender marriage, full party found family shenanigans, steddie flirting, steve&will bonding, and a severe lack of dialogue tags

rating: t wc: 5k ao3

“I knew it!”

Steve sighs. Listen, he knew the minute he opened his mouth that this was coming. There was always a zero percent chance Dustin was ever gonna let him get out the whole thing before bursting in with this exact interruption, but that doesn’t make it less annoying. If the little shithead would just let him finish--

"I knew you were perfect together, I can't believe you didn't tell us you were dating! How long have you been a thing? I have money to collect! Can I be your best man? Never mind, obviously I'm gonna be your best man. You so owe me for not telling me sooner! I cannot believe-"

"Henderson!"

"What?"

"We're not together like that."

In fairness, Dustin is not the only one to give them an incredulous look for that one.

"Steve. You literally just announced you and Robin are getting married. What is even the point of pretending you're not in love anymore? What are you still trying to prove? Just admit I was right the whole time!"

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose and forces himself to take a deep breath, instead of wringing Dustin's weird little boneless neck. It's not his fault, he reminds himself. They haven't gotten to the second part of the announcement, so his assumptions are natural.

Now, it is Henderson's fault that they haven't managed to say the rest of what they came here to say, so maybe he can keep blaming him after all.

"Do you remember when we sat down and we asked you guys to let us say everything we were gonna say without interrupting?"

"Uh, yeah dude, it was like ten minutes ago. We're not stupid."

"Has it occurred to you that maybe we weren't done saying everything we were gonna say, considering I was halfway through a sentence when you jumped in?"

"I mean, I guess, but like, it's pretty obvious where you're going with this, Steve. You're not a complicated guy, no offense. Now, where did we land on the best man issue?"

Nancy must see the offense very much taken on his face, because before he can open his mouth and say something probably horrifically rude that would feel amazing in the moment and which he would immediately regret, she jumps to his rescue.

"Dustin, you're being very rude. Steve and Robin came here to talk to us, and we promised to listen. Let them finish."

It's nice of her to back Steve up, considering how weird this conversation must be for her. Hopefully it gets less awkward soon.

Henderson grumbles mutinously, but years of dealing with first Mike and then the rest of the little dickheads have left Nancy's control ironclad, and he waves sarcastically for Steve to continue.

This kid is spending too much time with Eddie, the attitude is getting out of hand.

"Right. Thanks, Nance. As I was saying, Robin and I are getting married, yes. But not because we're in love. I mean, I love her, obviously, but as a friend. Only a friend. Or, well, I guess a friend and soon a...friend...wife? Frife? Wend? You guys get it."

"We very much don't." Alright, well, fine, add Max to the shitlist.

He looks over at Robin, hoping for help, but she's stiff as a board and trembling all over.

He doesn't want to be the one to say the words for her. They agreed together to tell everyone the truth, it was her idea even, but the last thing he wants to do is steal that moment from her.

Maybe he can just…talk around it, until she feels up to it. And if not, he’ll just tell them his part of it and call it good.

“We’re getting lavender married.”

Okay, so that’s probably not like. A normal way to say that or whatever. Robin just used that term like fifty times last night, alright? She was really excited about the article she just read about it, something about how it was a thing in, like, olden times or whatever, and now it’s coming back because Reagan is a fucking tool, Steve’s not sure, he was only kind of listening. Regardless, now it’s stuck in his head. Sue him or whatever, geez.

Anyway, he isn’t sure how many people in this room will actually understand what that means, but Nancy’s mouth drops open in a perfect little O the way it only does when she’s genuinely surprised by something, and there’s a tiny gasp from over by the table that he thinks might have come from Will, and Max mutters to herself “Oh shit, that explains so much,” so it’s not none of them, which helps. No pitchforks yet, at least.

Jonathan is eyeing him speculatively, and Argyle is offering him an enthusiastic thumbs up, which is nice.

Unfortunately, the other boys and El are giving him blank, expectant stares, and Erica is eyeing him with both confusion and annoyance, so it looks like he still has some explaining to do.

“What the hell does your color scheme have to do with this? I’m not helping plan the wedding, dude, I don’t care that much.”

Steve mumbles a “Language,” on reflex, but his heart isn’t in it. This is somehow more nerve-wracking than evil Russians.

“Mike, that’s not what it means. Now shut up and listen, or I’ll tell Mom how that red sock ended up in her load of white delicates.”

“Oh come on, she’ll kill me!” When all he gets in return is a single raised eyebrow, he groans and slumps further into his seat, glaring at Steve.

“Right. Okay. So basically, last night, my parents--”

“I’m a lesbian!”

There’s a beat of dead silence, which in this group is more unsettling than just about anything else.

Steve keeps his eyes on Robin, who looks just about as shocked at her own outburst as everyone else in the room. He takes her hand, squeezing gently until she unfreezes a little and looks back over at him. She looks terrified, and it breaks his heart a little.

“You okay, babe?” He keeps his voice low, murmuring just loud enough for her to hear. He knows this moment is the opposite of private, but she needs him to pretend for a second, so that’s what he’s gonna do.

She nods, a little jerkily, but she grips his hand back and intentionally evens out her breathing. She’s so fucking brave. He would burn the world down for Robin Buckley, and he doesn’t care who knows it.

He can’t believe she’s willing to do this for him, but he’s so grateful he feels like he’s choking on it.

“Henderdork will literally never shut up and let you live it down if we do this and he doesn’t know the truth. Not even for a single second for the rest of forever, and I, for one, am not putting up with that shit until death or legal marriage reforms do us part, Dingus.”

It was a solid point last night when they came up with the plan, curled on her bed while she stroked his hair and generously pretended he hadn’t soaked the shoulder of her shirt with his sobs, all his worldly possessions packed into a duffel on her bedroom floor, but he knows her insistence was more about knowing how much he hates lying to the kids than it was about protecting herself from irritating teenagers.

He doesn’t think there’s enough room on the whole planet to hold all the love he feels for her, even if you count the Upside Down and any other weirdo dimensions floating around out there waiting to ruin his day.

“I’m okay, bubba. Don’t let go?” Her hand is shaking in his, but he just squeezes harder.

“Never.” He turns back to the room, eyes hard as he scans the faces of their family for any hostility. He wouldn’t have agreed to this part of the plan if he thought any of them would be a problem, but he’s not taking anything for granted with Robbie’s safety. Not now, not ever. "Everyone's gonna be cool about that, right?"

"Of course we are, right, guys?" From the pained grunt that follows her words, Steve assumes Max has dug her elbow into Mike's ribs.

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"I suppose this makes you slightly less lame, Buckley. It's definitely better than when I thought you liked this loser." Wow, okay, thank you Erica.

"Yeah totally! Thanks for trusting us, Robin." Lucas is a sweetheart, he really is. He's also glancing surreptitiously at Will while he nods enthusiastically, who is still staring open-mouthed at Robin with wide, shiny eyes.

"Yes, thank you for trusting us, Robin." Nancy is smiling kindly, but she's got that glint in her eye that Steve knows means she just came up with more questions and is waiting for the right moment to strike. Fair enough, at least she's letting Robs have her moment first.

He finally drags his eyes back to Dustin, who he doesn't really want to admit, even to himself, he's a little worried about. Not that he'll be shitty about it, necessarily, but there's nothing that brings out Henderson's bitchy side like being wrong, and he's been so fucking wrong this entire time. It's bound to upset him.

And maybe Steve will never say this out loud where the other kids might hear, but the truth is that Dustin's opinion matters to him more than just about everyone else's. Dustin was the first person in the whole world who saw Steve, the real Steve, and decided he was worth keeping around. If Henderson can't accept this part of Robin, it means he can't accept this part of Steve, and if that happens...if that happens Steve isn't sure he'll be able to come back from it.

So he's...not worried, okay? Worried is not the right word. Anxious, maybe. Concerned.

Okay fine fuck off he's worried.

Dustin...looks like he's about to cry. Shit.

"Did you think you couldn't trust me?" His voice is so small. Steve doesn't think he's ever heard it so small. It feels wrong. Henderson's voice should fill every room he's in, always. "You didn't have to lie. You could have told me the truth."

Aw, fuck.

"Buddy,--"

"It's not that simple, little man."

Steve whips back around to look at Robin. Are you sure you’re up for this? She purses her lips and narrows her eyes. Yeah, Dingus, this is my mess. Let me clean it up. Put the lance down, White Knight. Well, alright then. He waves for her to continue, ignoring the looks the others always shoot them when they do their silent conversation thing. Not his fault they can’t read each other as well, it’s not like it’s hard.

"Before today, Steve was the only person in the world who knew about me. And honestly, I don't know if I would have told him if we weren't both coming off torture and truth serum. I've worked hard to hide it my whole life, baby Dingus, that's not an easy thing to stop doing. It's scary."

"But we're your friends. We're your family! We saved the world together! You should trust your family, right?"

Aw, jeez. Steve forgets, sometimes, how young they are. They've been through horrific supernatural trauma, but they're still the kind of kids who think life is a story with a happy ending, like their little dragon game.

"Yeah, bud, you should, but it's not always that easy. There can be really serious consequences for telling the wrong person. Like, last night my parents found out I'm bisexual by accident and now I...well. Now I don't have parents anymore." Oof, okay, little blunter than he meant to be, but Robbie's getting anxious again so he has to take the focus back.

There's an eruption of sound, as every voice in the Party starts shouting all at once, turning the Wheeler's basement into Steve's own personal migraine generator.

"Did they kick you out?"

"You're bisexual?!"

"What's bisexual?"

"They can't just do that!"

"Does this mean we have to find somewhere else for Hellfire nights?"

That last one earns Erica several Looks, but she doesn't flinch. "What? I'm just being practical."

He wishes Eddie was here. The gremlins actually listen to him, unlike Steve, on account of as their Hellfire DM, he has leverage they care about to threaten them with. Well, most of them, but it's definitely a help when he's around.

Sadly he and Wayne are at some kind of Munson family reunion down in West Virginia this week, so Steve is gonna have to do this whole spiel over again when he gets back. He and Robin thought about waiting until he got back and the whole Party could be together, but the kids would definitely notice him not living in Loch Nora anymore pretty much immediately. And Steve hates the idea of telling him over the phone, so double coming out/engagement announcement it is.

"Alright, Jesus Christ, enough! One at a goddamn time, you animals."

He looks back at Dustin, who's definitely crying now. "Yeah, buddy, they kicked me out, but I'm okay. I'm staying with the Buckleys for now, and Rob and I have been saving up to move in together soon anyway, so all this did is move up our timeline. I'm safe and I'm fine, okay? I promise."

Dustin plasters himself to Steve's front, squeezing like he's worried Steve is going to shatter into pieces and he can hold him together by sheer force of will. It's very sweet, even if it's crushing his lungs a little.

"I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me." The words are muffled in Steve's chest, he's not sure anyone else heard him.

"Aw, kid, it's okay. I trust you, alright? Always. You die, I die, remember? I was just...figuring my shit out, that's all."

"Your parents are mouthbreathers." Steve chuckles a little at the mutinous glare on El's face, not pausing his hand where he's stroking Dustin's hair.

"You're not wrong, Supergirl. But it's fine, honestly. They've always been dicks, I've been planning to move out for a long time. They just...gave me the final push, is all." He's definitely leaving out the part where he broke down sobbing in Robbie's bed last night, asking her over and over why he was so broken that his own parents couldn't love him, but the kids don't need to hear that part of the story.

"Does this have something to do with your whirlwind engagement?" There she is, ace reporter Nancy Wheeler. Observant as always.

"Yeah, pretty much. They disinherited me, but they're still legally my next of kin."

"And Dingus has had far too much head trauma for me to trust he's not gonna end up back in the hospital for something at some point, and the last thing we need is Mr. and Mrs. von Child Neglect getting that call. And I was just reading about gay men and women who are marrying each other so they can have someone allowed in to see in them in the hospital, because of the virus, you know? And I thought, hey that's not a half bad idea! We're gonna be living together anyway, and it's not like I'm marrying anyone else, and it'll be good for both of us to have someone who knows about, y'know, monsters and all that jazz, to do our power of attorney stuff, so, voila! Mr. and Mrs. Bucklington!"

"We are not changing our name to Bucklington."

"Well Harringley is worse, so suck it up, buttercup."

"I'm not interested in keeping the Harrington name, Bobs, I'd rather just be a Buckley."

"Aw, bubba, you're gonna make me cry!"

"You should both become Hendersons! Then we'd really be brothers!"

Steve erupts into laughter, the tension effectively broken by Dustin's wide, toothy grin. "What d'ya say, Bobbie? Steve and Robin Henderson?"

"Would we get access to Claudia's lasagna recipe? Because if so, I'm behind this plan one hundred percent.”

"By 'we' you do mean me, right? Because I love you more than life, Bobs, but I'm not letting you anywhere near a casserole dish. I've learned that lesson."

"It was one time!"

"It took me three days to get all the cheese off the ceiling! There's still a stain!"

"Well good! Ceiling grease stains can be the Harrington's problem now, anyway. They deserve it!"

Argyle is nodding sagely from on top of the incredibly deflated bean bag he's sharing with Jonathan. "I do like Bucklington, it makes you sound like a fancy butler. But family is important, brochachos, and so is lasagna. I vote Henderson."

This spurs impassioned arguments from all corners, which Steve is more than happy to relax into the couch cushions and let wash over him.

There's a light, bubbly feeling in his chest. For the first time since his dad walked in unannounced yesterday, interrupting his phone call with Robin at the worst possible moment, the knot of fear and grief in his stomach starts to loosen.

Robin smiles at him, and he grins helplessly back. Who needs parents when he's got a soulmate? They're together, they're safe, they're surrounded by their family. Steve holds Dustin tighter to his side and lets himself feel loved.

He takes advantage of a lull in the Last Name Wars to get out the last of the speech he'd planned. "Anyway, we decided to tell all of you the truth when we came up with this plan last night, because we do trust you and we didn't want to lie to you, and also because we knew you shitheads would never shut up about us being in love if we didn't and that sounded awful."

He laughs delightedly at the chorus of indignant outbursts this gets him before continuing.

"It's really important that you don't tell anyone outside the Party the truth, alright? We're gonna tell Eddie when he gets back, and we might tell Joyce and Hop eventually, but that needs to be our choice to do. You can't do it for us, and you absolutely can't tell anyone else. The whole point of this is to keep us safe by keeping people from finding out the truth, okay?"

El looks vaguely uncomfortable, but not upset. "Will you tell my Dad soon?"

Steve glances at Robbie, who's looking anxious again, and then over at Will. His shoulders are tense, hunched up around his ears, and he's staring intently at the table in front of him.

Steve isn't sure if anyone else knows what he thinks he knows about Will, but he's pretty sure he recognizes the specific flavor of isolation he can see Will struggling with sometimes, and he's definitely sure he recognizes the looks Will shoots at Mike whenever Wheeler isn't looking. Tommy used to look at him like that.

Either way, he knows the kind of fear the kid must be suffering, just like he knows how terrifying today was for Robin. For Steve, the worst case scenario has already happened, so he has a lot less left to lose. He can afford to smooth the way a little, to test the waters and make sure they're safe for everyone else.

It's not that different from his normal role in this group anyway, just a different kind of monster. He's always been good at taking hits so the others don't have to-- this is just another threat to step in front of.

"Tell you what, Ellie, I'll talk to Hop and Joyce this weekend, that way you won't have to keep secrets from him for too long. I'll just tell him about me, though, at first, okay? That way we'll know if it's safe for Robbie." Or anyone else, he doesn't say.

Jonathan hears it, at the very least, and shoots him a look that's equal parts surprised and grateful. Maybe Will has someone else in his corner after all, then.

El nods happily, satisfied with that.

Before anyone else can jump in, there's a clattering on the basement stairs. None of them have time to tense up too badly before the door bursts open and Eddie comes tumbling through it in a flurry of dark curls and frayed denim.

"Fear not, my wayward wastrels, for I have returned from far off lands, bearing tidings and the promise of libations!"

Steve only recognizes, like, four of those words, but seeing Eddie gives him the same happy, fizzy feeling in his gut that it always does these days, so he grins.

"You're back early, Eds, everything ok?"

Eddie blinks at him, then around the room, looking surprised to see it so packed.

"Yeah, my cousin Clarence accidentally broke my MeeMaw's pasture fencing and set all the goats loose in the hills, and if we stuck around we were gonna have to help round them back up, so Wayne and I snuck out early. I was coming to invite the gremlins out for pizza to tell you all about it, but this is more people than I was expecting. Y'all having a family meeting? Without little old moi?"

Steve valiantly suppresses the shiver that the twang in Eddie's voice triggers. Steve's not sure if Eddie notices the way his accent gets stronger when he's been talking to family, but he's had to work very hard to make sure he doesn't notice the way it affects Steve.

Steve has barely tested the flirting waters with Eddie since admitting his crush to Robin, he's definitely not jumping right in with 'It makes me tingly all over when you start talking with a drawl, wanna call me darlin' and see what happens?'

Luckily Bobbie notices his inner struggle and comes to his rescue.

"It was kind of a time sensitive issue- not a life or death one! Or like. Not a monster one, anyway. But shit went down last night and we needed to brief everyone before the geek squad figured out something was funky and came beating down the door. Steve wanted to tell you in person so we were gonna wait til you got back, but here you are!"

Eddie's looking at Robin with an amused smile on his face, one eyebrow raised and his lips quirked in a lopsided grin that is, frankly, unreasonably attractive. "Here I am indeed, my fair Lady of Feathers. So what's the scoop?"

He plops down next to Jonathan and Argyle on the beanbags, nearly sending them all toppling before Argyle hooks both of them around the waists and drags them practically into his lap.

Steve is not seething with jealousy. He's not.

A half a dozen voices chime out all at once.

"Robin's gay!"

"Steve's homeless."

"Robin and Steve are getting married!"

“Purple married.”

“It’s lavender, dummy.”

“Lavender’s a kind of purple!”

"They're gonna be Hendersons!"

"No they aren't, weirdo, they're gonna be Buckleys."

"Bucklington is clearly the superior choice, even if Argyle was right about the butler thing."

“Bucklington my ass, y’all dumb as hell if you think Mom and Dad aren’t gonna try and make him a Sinclair after this.”

"Mama and Papa Harrington didn't like that Stevie boy has double the love to give. Totally bogus. Bi bros for life, man."

"I still call Steve's best man!"

Eddie blinks a little when everyone quiets down, looking vaguely shellshocked. "That was. A lot of information to get in thirty seconds."

And, listen, Steve is like, 97% sure Eddie's cool. More than cool, even. He moves that bandana to the same pocket every time he changes his jeans, no matter what outfit he's wearing. There's no way that's an accident. But if Steve is being totally honest, which he's trying to do more these days, at least inside his own brain, this is maybe not the way he'd have chosen to come out to his crush. It's somehow way more nerve-wracking when he didn't even get to say it himself.

Oh well, it's out there now. It's fine, probably.

Still, there’s a definite feeling of relief when Eddie turns that megawatt grin on him again.

"Man, I wish I'd known there were other queers in Hawkins, I might have listened sooner when Henderson told me how cool you guys were!"

Steve laughs, only a little hysterically. "Dude, if you thought you were the only one, what the hell have you been wearing that hanky for? Who are you hoping will see it?"

It's a little gratifying to see Eddie go flaming tomato red in seconds. "I am not talking about that in mixed company, Steven. There are children here!"

"Ugh, we're literally teenagers."

"Tiny baby infants! If you're so curious, you can ask me again later."

"Promise?" Steve can't stop himself from grinning wolfishly.

Eddie tugs his hair in front of his face to hide, and the frantic little giggle and the quiet "Oh my god," he lets out both sound more than a little strangled. Steve's having the time of his life right now.

"Gross." Ugh, rude. He glares at Robin for ruining his fun. She sticks her tongue out at him.

Before they can devolve into the inevitable slapfight, Nancy cuts in again.

"Alright, unless anyone else has anything to share in private, I think we should take Eddie's suggestion and get something to eat." Good thinking, Nance. "To celebrate the happy couple, of course," she adds with a smirk. Yeah, that makes more sense.

"Onward then, my noble companions, to pizza and to paradise!" Eddie vaults off the beanbag, sending Jonathan and Argyle tumbling. Argyle laughs and accepts Eddie's hand up, while Jonathan just rolls his eyes good-naturedly.

Eddie slings an arm around Robin's shoulders as they head for the basement door. "So, Birdie, what's this I hear about a wedding? I need context."

As the kids go thundering up the stairs, arguing about who gets to drive in which car, Steve lingers. He noticed Will hanging back from the others, and now they're the last ones left, Will still slowly packing up the pens and notebooks he seems to carry around with him everywhere. Jonathan is hovering anxiously in the doorway, so Steve sends him a nod and waves him off. He's got this.

"You ready to go, kid?"

Will fidgets with the zipper on his bag for another few seconds before looking up at Steve through his, frankly tragic, fringe. "I'm sorry your parents suck."

"Yeah, man, me too." Steve shoots him a wry little smile. "It's alright though, sometimes we're better off without them. I've got plenty of family here that love me, I'll survive without Richard and Diane."

Will studies him for a minute. Steve's not sure what he's looking for, but he hopes he finds it.

"That's what Jonathan says about Lonnie." Steve nods, trying not to wince at the memory of the things he spat at Jonathan that day in '83 when everything changed. "I used to think it was my fault he left, but Jonathan says he was just a bastard, and it's better he's gone anyway."

"I didn't know Lonnie," he's careful not to say your dad, "but from what I've heard, Jonathan's probably right. And he's definitely right that it's not your fault."

"Like it's not your fault your parents kicked you out?"

"Yeah, exactly like that. If it was my fault, that would mean I did something wrong. The only thing I did was exist, and be different than they thought I would be. If they can't love the kid they had, then they shouldn't have had a kid at all. That's their problem, not mine. There's nothing wrong with me."

It doesn't matter if he heard all of these things from Robin first, if he's still trying to learn to believe them. Will needs to hear them like they're true, the same way Steve does.

"Are you sure?" Will's voice is trembling now. He's looking at the floor, but Steve can tell there are tears coming. "How can you be sure this is how you're supposed to be? Wouldn't you rather be normal?"

Oh, kid. "I mean, yeah, maybe it would be easier if I only liked girls, but I don't. I tried for a long time to pretend that I did, but it didn't make it true. And yeah, part of me wants to hate myself, because that's what they taught me to think, and I still kinda wish doing that would make them love me, but it won't. But honestly, you wanna know the biggest thing?" Will nods.

"I can't hate that part of myself without hating Robin, and there's no universe where I could hate Robin. Robin's perfect. She's the best person in the world, and she's gay, so being gay can't be bad. It's impossible. So whenever that voice in my head starts saying shitty things to me, I just think about how much I love Robin and tell it to shut up."

There's a beat where Will seems to be absorbing this.

"How did you know it would be safe? To tell us the truth?"

"I didn't."

Will stares at him in shock.

"Not a hundred percent, anyway. I was pretty sure, but it's never a guarantee with stuff like this, you know? But the other option was never telling anyone, and that...it gets tiring, you know? Always having to hide. Always having to check yourself. Lying when people ask the wrong questions. It wears you down. And I've fought monsters with you guys. I've been tortured by spies with you guys. If I can't trust this group to have my back, I can't trust anyone, can I? And I didn't want to live a life of not trusting anyone. I didn't want Bobbie to live a life like that. So, we took a chance. And it paid off, because all of you are the people we thought you were, and we were right to trust you. But it was a leap of faith, dude. It always is."

"What if I'm not ready?" Fucking shit, this kid. He's been through more than any of them, except maybe El, and he's still so goddamn brave. Steve would have crumpled like a tin can in his place.

"Then you're not ready. It's not a test, Will. There's no right or wrong answers. But I will say that every single person out there loves you, and they'll keep loving you no matter what you do. They're not like my parents, or Lonnie. Our friends aren't broken inside the way they are. Their love isn't conditional. You won't chase them away. You couldn't if you tried."

Will lets out a shaky breath, clearly fighting back tears. Steve leans against the table and keeps his head down, offering the kid the illusion of privacy while he pulls himself together. After a few minutes he speaks up again.

"You ready to go, you think?"

Will nods. He goes to walk past Steve to the stairs before hesitating and, to Steve's surprise, wrapping his gangly arms around him in an awkward hug.

"Thanks, Steve," he mumbles into Steve's shoulder.

Steve runs a hand down his back uncertainly. "Anytime, kid."

He keeps his arm around Will's shoulders tentative, but when the kid doesn't shrug him off or move away, he lets it settle more firmly, tugging him closer.

“Come on Baby Byers, let's go get some pizza. You think I can milk the disownment thing to get Eddie to pay for extra toppings?"

Will snorts. "I think Eddie would pay for as many toppings as you want as long as you do that little eyelash thing at him again."

Steve throws his head back and laughs, long and loud from his belly. Yeah, it's gonna be a good night.

my head hurts too much to keep writing this but please know that the pizza parlor engagement party involves plenty of arguing about roles in the wedding party, resulting in MOH erica/best man dustin (scoops troop babeyy), flower girl team lumax (max demanded the role bc her wheelchair means she can carry extra baskets of petals, and lucas will be pushing the chair so her hands are free. he's just excited to be there.) nancy/el bridesmaids and byler groomsmen (mike grumbles and groans but he's secretly thrilled). jonathan does the pictures and it turns out argyle got ordained back in cali as a joke so he officiates. eddie plays crimson and clover for robin’s wedding march. there’s a bit of a kerfuffle when claudia and the sinclairs both try to claim steve as their son, but after someone makes the argument that charles and sue have two kids to carry their name while claudia only has one, they end up hyphenating and becoming the buckley-hendersons. yes, claudia cries. yes, they get the lasagna recipe.

(at the pizza place, eddie asks what his role will be and steve says he doesn't know yet, but he'll save him a dance regardless. eddie has to hide in the bathroom to stop blushing.)

[thegayhimbo]

Stranger Things Lucas on the Line Review

If you haven’t yet, be sure to check out my other Stranger Things Reviews. Like, Reblog, and let me know what your thoughts are regarding the show or the upcoming season! :)

Stranger Things Comics/Graphic Novels:

Stranger Things Six

Stranger Things Halloween Special

Stranger Things The Other Side

Stranger Things Zombie Boys

Stranger Things The Bully

Stranger Things Winter Special

Stranger Things Tomb of Ybwen

Stranger Things Into The Fire

Stranger Things Science Camp

Stranger Things “The Game Master” and “Erica’s Quest”

Stranger Things and Dungeons and Dragons

Stranger Things Kamchatka

Stranger Things Erica The Great

Stranger Things “Creature Feature” and “Summer Special”

Stranger Things Tie-In Books:

Stranger Things Suspicious Minds

Stranger Things Runaway Max (Part 1 of 3)

Stranger Things Runaway Max (Part 2 of 3)

Stranger Things Runaway Max (Part 3 of 3)

Stranger Things Darkness On The Edge Of Town (Part 1 of 3)

Stranger Things Darkness On The Edge Of Town (Part 2 of 3)

Stranger Things Darkness On The Edge Of Town (Part 3 of 3)

Stranger Things Rebel Robin Book and Podcast (Part 1 of 2)

Stranger Things Rebel Robin Book and Podcast (Part 2 of 2)

Stranger Things Hawkins Horrors Review

Stranger Things Flight Of Icarus

Stranger Things Episode Reviews:

The Vanishing of Will Byers (Part 1 of 2)

The Vanishing of Will Byers (Part 2 of 2)

Synopsis: Set between the events of seasons 3 and 4, the book follows Lucas during his freshman year of high school as he attempts to chart a different course for his life, taking up basketball as a means of trying new things and getting out of his comfort zone. However, Lucas soon realizes this won't be as easy as he initially thinks: His attempts to blend in with the popular crowd put him at odds with Mike and Dustin, his relationship with Max is deteriorating, and Lucas is forced to face hard truths about how insidiously racism is woven into Hawkins and what it means to be one of the few black kids in a mostly white town......

Observations:

Lucas on the Line acts as a conclusion to what I call "The Outcasts Trilogy," which began with Rebel Robin, followed by Flight of Icarus, and ending with this book. All these Tie-In novels center around three characters (Robin, Eddie, Lucas) who are considered outcasts in Hawkins: Robin is secretly a lesbian in a homophobic culture, Eddie is the town freak due to his interest in D&D, guitar, his low socioeconomic status, and his family's reputation because of his dad's criminal past, and Lucas is a black kid in a society where racism and prejudice are still prevalent. All 3 characters deal with feeling inadequate and unwanted, and attempt to cope with their situations by either blending into the crowd, or else attempting to escape Hawkins. All 3 of them eventually face hard truths and learn to stop denying the aspects of themselves that make them unique.

In Lucas's case, now that he's older and in high school, not only is he beginning to realize the implications of what it means to be black in a neighborhood where racism still lurks, but he's also beginning to understand his family's history, as well as coming to terms with an uncomfortable truth: As much as his friends care about him, they will never truly understand the bigotry and micro-aggressions Lucas is forced to endure as a person of color.

The show has touched on themes of bigotry and racism before, both in Lucas's interracial relationship with Max (which makes him a target for Billy) and the type of bullying he experienced from Troy and James. However, this book expands on those themes by going more into Lucas's fears and insecurities at being discriminated against for being a nerd AND being black, as well as finding someone who understands what he's going through. It also, IMO, deconstructs the "token minority" trope by showing what it's like to be considered that in a group of white friends from the perspective of said minority character, and how dehumanizing it feels.

This book left a lot to ponder. It's not perfect, and there are some flaws in its structure (mostly relating to continuity errors and missed opportunities), but it does inspire discussion, and gives a solid point-of-view to Lucas's character.

Part 1: Lucas's Journey

For as much as this fandom talks about Steve's character development (not that the discussion is unwarranted), Lucas is also another character (next to his sister Erica) who's had subtle but notable growth over the course of the show.

Season 1 had Lucas start out as a loyal member of the Party who was invested in finding Will, but also at odds with Mike and Dustin over El due to his distrust of her (something which got him a lot of flak from fans at the time). All of this came to a head in the junkyard when Lucas realized El was deliberately misleading them so they wouldn't find the Gate, leading to an ugly fight within the group. However, once things settled down, and Lucas realized El's misdirection was her attempting to keep them safe and not an act of maliciousness, he apologized for how he acted (with El also apologizing for lying) and welcomed her into the group, formally accepting her as a friend and member of the Party. Notably, in spite of his misgivings, he never betrayed El to the authorities, demonstrating that his heart was in the right place.

Season 2 continued on with this development. Contrast Lucas's acceptance of Max into the Party and his willingness to reach out to her vs how he initially acted with El in S1. It's notable since, at the time, Mike was hostile towards the idea of Max becoming part of the group. While Lucas had a crush on Max (which is normal for a boy his age), what separated him from the others was his willingness to listen to Max, who had always felt unheard in her house. That conversation on the bus rooftop in S2, where she opens up to Lucas about her home life and how she fears she's becoming like Billy, was meaningful to both of them, not just in Lucas reassuring Max she was a good person, but also Lucas really seeing Max for who she was and loving her for it. And in spite of the threat Billy posed, Lucas refused to be scared off by him (even kneeing Billy in the groin when he pinned him to the wall), and that willingness for Lucas to fight for Max was one of the many reasons Max finally stood up to Billy and made it clear to him that she was done with his abuse.

Season 3 showed Lucas was still navigating his relationship with Max (after getting dumped 5 times), as well as doing his best to advise Mike about his relationship with El. He also got some cool moments, from saving El from the Meat Flayer by chopping off its tendril, to gathering the fireworks to use against the Meat Flayer at the Battle of Starcourt. In spite of this, I remember at the time some fans (including me) wished Lucas had a bigger role in the story. The Duffer Brothers must have heard those criticisms because Lucas ended up getting his own arc in the next season.

There were a lot of great moments in season 4, but Lucas's story was a favorite for me because of how relatable it was. He was in high school trying for a fresh start. He still participated in D&D (Hellfire Club) but also joining basketball because he wanted to break out from being the nerd who was picked on all the time, and because he enjoyed the sport and wanted to give it a shot. He was discovering his identity, which is a big part of the high school experience. Adding onto this, a part of him wanted to achieve popularity as a way of being recognized instead of constantly looked down upon. He got what he wanted when he won the basketball championship............and then experienced firsthand the darker side of popularity, which forced Lucas to ask himself if this is what he really wanted.

Lucas on the Line expands more on the S4 arc by showing the events that led to Lucas doing basketball, and how that put him at odds with Mike and Dustin for a while. We also get to see the circumstances behind his breakup with Max, as well as her spiral into depression following Billy's death.

Something I appreciate is the book doesn't shy away from the trauma and PTSD Lucas is dealing with. The show usually gives that focus to characters like El, Max, Will, Joyce, Hopper, and Nancy, so it's refreshing to see how Lucas has processed everything since Will's disappearance in 1983. The answer is not well. It's even gotten worse since the Battle of Starcourt:

Similar to the way Robin in her novel talks about Hawkins High as a metaphorical monster, there are multiple instances where Lucas makes comparisons between his living situation in Hawkins and the Upside Down:

Granted, this is a metaphor that anyone who's watched the show enough times can pick up on: For as much as Hawkins presents itself as an idyllic neighborhood, there is rot within it, and NOT just from the Upside Down. The town has deeply rooted bigotry entrenched in its structure that takes on many forms (racism, homophobia, bullying, fear-mongering, forced conformity, etc) which the characters are forced to endure on a daily basis. From a symbolic standpoint, the Upside Down is all the nastiness within Hawkins that's covered up with a pretty surface. It may be a town that presents itself as perfect, but the moment you actually take a closer look at your surroundings, you realize that "perfectness" isn't genuine, and that people who present themselves as friendly can reveal just how awful they are in the right circumstances.

I live in a neighborhood like this, and I've been forced to learn time and again that some people in my town (though not all of them) have deeply rooted prejudices and will normalize being cruel because they can get away with it, all the while justifying their behavior as normal. Becoming cynical and cautious is how I've survived it. It reminds me of how Max thinks about her abusive situation with Billy: If you keep the monsters close to you, you're never caught by surprise.

Getting back to Lucas, he's painfully aware of this. Part of his PTSD and trauma isn't just from encountering the horrors of the Upside Down, but also from all the years he was bullied in school:

Lucas explains this to Mike and Dustin on the show, but part of his reasons for joining the basketball team is because he thinks it'll get him in with the popular crowd, and people will stop harassing him. What he doesn't understand (and what Mike and Dustin pick up on pretty quickly) is that even if Lucas changed everything about himself to fit in, he will always be walking on eggshells with that group. If he does everything right, he'll be tenuously accepted, but if he gets one thing wrong, or makes the team look bad in any way (even unintentionally), they will rip him to shreds. I even question what would've happened if Lucas failed to make the winning shot at the championship game: Would the team and the crowd have been as accepting of Lucas for that, or would he have been ostracized on the spot?

I know there are people in this fandom who vilify Mike and Dustin for going to Hellfire Club over Lucas's basketball games. As time has passed, I maintain they made the right call. Not only were they bullied by the basketball jocks way before they joined Hellfire Club (with Jason doing nothing to stop it), but they could see Lucas was deluding himself, and that these were not the kind of people they wanted to be friends with. At least with Eddie, they were accepted for who they were without having to make major changes to their identities to fit in. Even with Lucas, Eddie still welcomed him into the Hellfire Club despite his initial reluctance and the fact Lucas was on the basketball team. He didn't care that Lucas was black (which was a problem for several white basketball jocks like Lee Garroway) or that Lucas had extracurricular activities outside of Hellfire. He just cared that Lucas wanted to be there and was willing to invest in their D&D Campaign.

(SIDE NOTE: This is a big reason I roll my eyes hard at Billy stans who whine about Eddie being a similar replacement for Billy. The major differences between Eddie and Billy is a.) Eddie wasn't a bully, b.) Eddie didn't care about becoming Kings of Hawkins High like Billy did, and c.) Eddie could afford to be in the same room with Lucas for more than 30 seconds without being racist towards him or wanting to attack him. Enough said.)

And it should be noted that while Mike and Dustin are skeptical about Lucas doing basketball, they eventually accept it and even show up to one of his basketball practices (along with Erica) where Lucas does his best and still gets shit from his teammates for how he played.

Both Mike and Dustin saw how Lucas was being treated, as well as the fact Lucas was benched up until the championship, and they rightfully concluded that even if Lucas became popular, a.) It wouldn't change how THEY were being treated (no matter what Lucas told them), and b.) Lucas would forever be trying to live up to expectations from others until he became a shell of his former self. It's a lot like what Chrissy Cunningham went through where she maintained the perfect popular image as the Queen Bee of Hawkins High at the cost of her mental health and well being.

To Lucas's credit, he eventually realizes this at the end. As angry as he was at Dustin and Mike for skipping the Championship, he came to understand why they made that decision. When the time came between choosing Jason and the basketball team vs his friends, he chose his friends:

Caleb McLaughlin even noted this in an interview post S4: Lucas wanted to find acceptance, but the problem is you can't force other people to accept you. Mike and Dustin, in spite of their flaws, accepted Lucas for who he was. Jason and the other basketball players (with the exception of Jay) only accepted Lucas when he either made the team look good, or when they wanted something from him.

This doesn't necessarily mean the book (or even the show) paints Lucas wanting to do basketball as a wrong thing. It was a choice like everything else. Lucas's reasons for wanting to do basketball went beyond just wanting to be popular: He wanted to try something new. He wanted something he was passionate about. Not only did he find that, but he also got to share it with another teammate who understood him: Jermaine "Jay" Demario.

Part 2: Lucas's Relationships with other characters

Jay is a new character from the book who's not only one of the few black kids in Hawkins, but also one of the only basketball players who treats Lucas decently and takes him under his wing. He's the one who encourages Lucas to step out of his comfort zone and try out basketball. He's also one of the few jocks (though he doesn't consider himself a jock in the traditional sense) who's a decent person, and Lucas looks up to him as a mentor the same way Dustin does with Steve. Jay gives Lucas useful advice about balancing his extracurricular activities with other aspects of his life, and he's the one who trains Lucas to do well at basketball, from practicing after school with him, to having Lucas check out videos of NBA playoffs and finals to improve his skills. He also accepts Lucas wanting to do Hellfire Club, and tells him there's nothing wrong with being both a jock and a nerd.

Speaking as someone who made Varsity for cross-country and track & field AND took AP classes during high school, I can relate to that last bit! 🙂

Jay was a cool character, and I'm sad he wasn't in the show. It's nice Lucas was able to have a friend, however briefly, whom he could confide in, and who understood the issues Lucas dealt with because of who he was and where he lived (more on that in a minute).

Erica's relationship with Lucas also gets a bit more time here. She's still snarky towards Lucas, but there are moments demonstrating she cares for him. For instance, despite initially criticizing how Lucas played during a practice, she is pissed when Lee and some other basketball players call Lucas a racist slur:

Later on, after Lucas becomes the target of a bomb threat, there's a quiet scene where Erica comes in to hang out with Lucas. Even though she doesn't verbally say it, it's clear from her demeanor she's genuinely worried for Lucas's safety:

She may exchange barbs with him, but she knows where to draw the line. The fact she also showed up for all of Lucas's basketball games on her own accord (minus the championship) despite Lucas being benched conveys she supports her brother in her own way. I liked the evolution of Lucas and Erica's relationship in S4, and I'm hoping that continues into S5. If the final scenes of S4 are any indication of foreshadowing, they'll likely be working together, so we'll probably get to see more of their sibling dynamic.

Max's relationship with Lucas also gets focus. For the most part, they are not in a good place. Ever since Billy's death at Starcourt Mall, Max has fallen into a deep depression and become withdrawn from everyone, including Lucas. A good chunk of the story is Lucas trying to reach out to Max and make it clear to Max that he's there for her. The problem is he doesn't know how since Max keeps rejecting any attempts to hang out with him, or for him to help her. The dynamic is sadly realistic for anyone who's had friends or family who suffer from chronic depression and feel frustrated or helpless when they try to help that person recover. Lucas does everything he can for Max in the book, from giving her the space she needs, to offering to listen to her. We also get to see Lucas's perspective on why he cares so much for Max (just like Max's novel showed us why she was attracted to Lucas):

What's sad is Max does understand what Lucas is trying to do. She knows he cares about her. At the same time though, she can't pretend things are normal anymore, or that she doesn't feel immense guilt over how she wished something horrible would happen to Billy and got her wish granted (as she admits to Vecna in the S4 finale), or that her life hasn't changed for the worse:

BTW, the breakup between Max and Lucas that's alluded to in S4 happens in the book. It's during Thanksgiving when Lucas sneaks out of his house to give Max some Thanksgiving dinner while she's at the skating park. It's also the first time Lucas hears Max play "Running Up That Hill" by Kate Bush and truly understands the meaning of that song........and what it means for their relationship:

What's admirable about Lucas is that, in spite of what's going on with Max and her attempts to distance herself from him, he still keeps fighting for her any way he can, right up to the end of the book when Vecna tries to kill Max the first time in the graveyard. And it pays off. Those memories she has of her time with Lucas, combined with the moments she shared with her friends, allow her to break free from Vecna, to remember she has something to live for, that she has people who care about her, and that she doesn't have to be consumed by guilt over what happened to Billy.

Speaking of Billy, the few times Lucas brings him up, he does NOT talk about Billy in a positive light. If there was any doubt about whether Lucas hated Billy, this book puts that to rest. One passage in particular stuck out:

I know Lucas is projecting his anger towards Billy in this moment (not that I blame him), but the idea that Vecna/The Mind Flayer was drawn to Billy because of the darkness in his heart is an interesting idea. We know Vecna initially spared El at Hawkins Lab while killing the other kids because he saw a lot of himself in El (both with her struggles developing her powers, and her treatment under Brenner and her "brothers/sisters") and believed El would be grateful to him for "saving her." It's also implied on the show (and by Vecna's actor, Jamie Campbell Bower) that Vecna feels the same way about Will, which is why he has a creepy interest in him. Billy in many ways resembles Vecna in his rage and sadistic desire to hurt everything and everyone around him, and that aspect may have attracted Vecna to Billy. Granted, it's hard to know if that's the case since Billy was initially driving that night to hook up with Karen before crashing by the warehouse where that piece of the Mind Flayer was nesting, but it's also possible Vecna could have sensed Billy before then, and thought he'd make a great candidate to put his plan into motion.

Then there's Lucas's relationship with Jason: Lucas picks up pretty quickly that something's off about Jason, particularly when he's preparing for the prep-rally speech by slamming his hands in the lockers hard enough to leave dents. Lucas also isn't impressed with Jason's speech, and rightfully notes that Jason invokes the Starcourt tragedy for "cheap audience reactions" (which is why Max looks hurt in the scene when Jason brings up Billy). There's also a scene after Jason's confrontation with Eddie in the cafeteria where he and Andy make disparaging remarks about people who live in trailer parks. When Lucas speaks out against that (because Max was forced to move into a trailer park after Neil left Susan), Jason loses his shit:

By the time of Chrissy's death when Jason's organized the basketball team into hunting down Eddie and tortures Gareth for information, Lucas finally understands just how unhinged Jason is, and even compares Jason to Billy:

I know some people defend Jason on the grounds that Chrissy's death impacted him in a negative way, and that Patrick's later death made things worse because it happened under circumstances that couldn't be explained, which is why Jason jumped on the "Hellfire Club is a Satanic cult" bandwagon. While there is some truth to this, it ignores how Jason already had negative qualities brewing underneath, and that Chrissy's death didn't create these issues, but instead brought them to the surface in the worst way possible. Jason already had inherent prejudices against D&D and anyone he deemed as a "freak" (as depicted in the Flight of Icarus book) and the show established that he had a very self-absorbed, hot-headed, entitled attitude even before things got bad. Maybe he was initially able to keep these negative qualities under control, but they didn't magically manifest out of thin air just because Chrissy died.

Regardless of whether we chose to admit it, we all have a dark side. We all have aspects of our personality we're not proud of. Jason is no different in that regard. The problem is the lack of self-awareness on his part about those flaws, combined with his self-righteous belief that he was doing the right thing even though his actions put innocent people in danger.

I could sympathize with Jason over the deaths of Chrissy and Patrick, but my sympathy ended when he organized a Witch Hunt against the Hellfire Club (who had NOTHING to do with Chrissy and Patrick's deaths) and not-so-subtly threatened Nancy at the gun store and made it clear he intended to go after Mike. At that point, I was done with him. Judging by the final conversation between Lucas and Jason, where Jason refuses to hear Lucas's explanations about what's going on because it doesn't fit with his preconceived notions, Lucas was done with him as well:

Jason: "I never should have let you in the door."

Lucas (coldly): "And I never should have knocked. I thought I wanted to be like you. Popular. Normal. But it turns out normal's just a raging psychopath."

Truer words have never been spoken.

Part 3: Lucas's Experiences with Racism and Bigotry

Lucas has been made the target of racism by characters like Troy, James, and Billy on the show, but this book is where Lucas begins to understand the full ramifications of what it means to be black in a world where racism is ingrained into society. We also get to see how it psychologically impacts Lucas and feeds into his worst insecurities.

Take Lucas's introduction to the basketball team for instance: For the most part, his tryout is average (not awful, but not spectacular), but Jason still allows him on the team for one particular reason:

There's always been a question in the fandom about whether Jason was racist in the same way Billy was. I know Caleb doesn't think so, and argued Billy was worse (and given the the amount of mental gymnastics certain fans have done to pretend Billy wasn't racist, as well as Caleb's experiences with racism in the fandom, I get where his position is coming from), but this book suggests otherwise. Jason may not have been as overtly racist as Billy was, but there is a soft bigotry at play here in Jason allowing Lucas on the team BECAUSE he was black as opposed to Lucas's actual skills. Some people will probably argue against Jason being racist because of his friendship with Patrick, but that's basically the "I can't be racist because I have a black friend" argument.

What's depressing is this haunts Lucas for the remainder of the book. In spite of how hard he practices to get better, he can't shake off the idea that he was only let on the team because of his skin color (and because of the stereotypical idea that all black people do basketball), and not because he earned it. This is reinforced by other members of the basketball team, led by Lee Garroway, who not-so-subtly takes every opportunity to remind Lucas of this:

Speaking of which, this book introduces another bully in the form of Lee Garroway, and he's a loathsome piece of work. Like Billy, he is outwardly racist towards Lucas, but he takes it a step further in targeting both Lucas and Jay because he, along with several other members of the team, are pissed that they made it to the subs roster (thinking Lucas and Jay only got that position because they're both black) and could potentially make Varsity, which is a position they all want. This all culminates in Lee rigging both Jay and Lucas's lockers to spray them with glitter, and then later rigs Lucas's locker again with a bomb that almost kills a janitor working at the school. Lucas manages to catch Lee in the act by planting a camera in his locker after the first attack, and even though the footage gets Lee's friends expelled, Lee is still let off the hook because his father is a donor to the school and bribes Mr. Higgins into covering it up. It's similar to what happened in Flight of Icarus when Eddie accuses Mr. Higgins of looking the other way when it came to athletic players like Tommy and Jason who bully other students and are allowed to get away with it because their fathers have the principal in their pockets.

Remember that profoundly stupid comment from the Angela apologist I talked about in my review of Darkness on the Edge of Town?

This is why that comment struck a nerve: Putting aside how this take is completely devoid of critical thought, it misses the fact that the reason bullies like Angela, Jason, Tommy, and Lee feel justified in their behavior is BECAUSE most of the adults enable them. At best, they do the bare minimum in disciplining these teens, and at worst, they look the other way and punish people like El and Eddie who try to stand up for themselves and others.

And I'm sorry, but the "They are children, none of them are responsible for what they do" excuse can take a flying leap into a volcano for all I care. If you deliberately make a bomb that you know will put someone in the hospital (or even get them killed), you are responsible for your behavior. This isn't like Lee was incapable of understanding what he was doing was wrong. To imply otherwise is stupid beyond belief. 🙄

What's infuriating is not only does Lee barely get a slap on the wrist for what he did, but the bomb threat was enough to cause Jay and his family to move, meaning Lucas lost one of the few friends he could depend on.

On top of that, this isn't even unique to Jay's situation. Both of Lucas's parents also have history which involved moving around to find a place where they could, at the very least, be tolerated in their community. All the while, they knew on some level they'd never truly be accepted:

Lucas's parents did the best they could in trying to protect Lucas and Erica and raise them so they wouldn't have to go through the same circumstances they did. The problem though is that racism has become normalized to such an extent that there isn't a way to escape it.

On a related note, this is why I find the current attempts by Conservatives to stop Critical Race Theory from being taught in schools to be vile: These people want to pretend racism is a thing of the past, like it isn't still impacting people of color in the United States to this day, and are perfectly okay trying to whitewash history and limit any attempts at discussion to achieve that goal. It's been an ongoing issue where I live (to the point that last year, three new members were elected to the school district so they could push their agendas and prevent CRT and other "undesired talking points" in schools), and I know it's been an ongoing issue elsewhere in the United States (*cough* Florida *cough*). John Oliver did a brilliant breakdown of this last year, and I highly recommend watching it:

Just like with many of the other books in this series (Darkness on the Edge of Town, Rebel Robin, Flight of Icarus, etc) Lucas on the Line illustrates that many of the social issues these characters experienced in the 80s continue to be a problem today. Very little has changed, and while people might be more willing to hide their bigotry, or pretend it's something else, that doesn't mean it's gone.

Part 4: Missed Opportunities and Continuity Errors

Like I said before, this book isn't perfect, and has its flaws. I can't speak for what notes Suyi Davies, the author of the book, got from the Duffer Brothers and Netflix, but there were some major contradictions that were hard to ignore.

For instance, there's a flashback where Lucas is supposed to be in third grade and first experiences discrimination against him when the other kids are afraid of swimming with him because they think his "blackness" will rub off on them. While the flashback is effective in showing the insidiousness of how kids can be bigoted at a young age, it's undermined by the date this flashback is supposed to take place in: June 6, 1981. At this point, Lucas would have finished fourth grade, not third grade. On top of that, it's mentioned that Lucas wasn't friends with Mike, Will, and Dustin yet, but that's not only contradicted by other tie-in materials, but also by Dustin's claim on the show that he didn't join the Party until he was in 4th grade, which would have been around 1980. For Lucas to be in third grade in 1981 and not know any of his friends at this point makes no sense.

Then there's the third act of the book, which takes place within the first four episodes of S4: The show establishes the events in those episodes takes place between March 21st-24th, 1986. However, the book changes this so it takes place between April 4th-7th, 1986. The reasons for this are unclear, especially since this book came out AFTER S4 premiered, but I suspect it may have something to do with "Birtdaygate" (i.e. the Duffer Brothers forgetting Will's Birthday was supposed to be on March 22nd). I can't tell if Netflix was trying to retcon the dates because they were embarrassed by "Birthdaygate," or if S4 was originally supposed to be set in April before they changed it to March at the last minute (which begs the question of why they did that), but it is something that's been on my mind for a while now.

Moving past these errors, I was disappointed the book didn't expand more on Patrick's character despite having the opportunity to do so. In the show, Patrick demonstrates a friendlier side to Lucas during their time together, and I know it was speculated at the time that there was more to his interactions with Lucas. However the book doesn't explore that angle, and we don't get a lot of information about Patrick. It's frustrating because, out of all of Vecna's victims, Patrick is the only one that doesn't get his backstory fully fleshed out. We see why and how Chrissy, Fred, and Max were targeted, but it's only implied in Patrick's case. Lucas speculates Patrick had an abusive father, but neither the book nor the show elaborate on this, which makes Patrick come off as a wasted character, especially when his death could have had a bigger impact on Lucas.

Finally, this is just a minor nitpick, but I was unhappy that the book didn't seize on the opportunity of Lucas and Steve playing at least one game of basketball. There's a scene in the book when Steve offers to go one-on-one with Lucas, and Lucas turns him down:

For the story's sake, I get why they had Jay be the one to practice with Lucas as opposed to Steve, but it still feels like a missed opportunity, especially when it was implied on the show that Lucas and Steve's had a better relationship after S2 following Steve protecting them from the demodogs.

Final Thoughts:

Overall, I would recommend this book. It's interesting seeing things from Lucas's perspective, as well as how he views his relationship with others, and how he copes with his trauma. The book does a stellar job exploring how the racism inherent in Hawkins has impacted Lucas's life and well-being, and it's also a relatable journey of finding your identity and rising above the stereotypes people place around you and your community.

As for where Lucas goes from here, I'm wagering that he'll have a role in bringing Max back from the coma Vecna's placed her in, and that they'll finally get that date night at the theaters.

[gayofthefae]

I think the Milkvan explanation for why we don't see Mike's transition to being able to say "I love you"/the only way it couldn't be because of the painting is because he was able to as soon as she left and it was just like one of those "I couldn't tell you until I lost you" things but

Why is it a fight you can't come back from if you can tell her now, Michael? Why isn't this something you can fix if you have the solution? Why can't you even say it to Will ("If I had said that thing")? Why would El "not like the truth?" Why is that a relatable sentiment to you?

Yeah. The biggest Byler proof to me is the inconsistency in Mike's reasoning. In season 3, I fully believe he was just a kid who was nervous she wouldn't say it back, or that he believed that until she said it back and he still couldn't. But in season 4, he couldn't be scared of her not reciprocating it anymore. So the explanation we get is that he was scared to admit it to himself, and likely just hadn't realized that was the problem in season 3 and that would be why he looked so scared when he said it out loud. Understandable.

But the ACTUAL reason we get FIRST, based on only volume 1, is that he doesn't feel that way for her.

The ily speech hit me out of complete left field, I'll tell you. Because they absolutely built it up to be that he didn't love her. I started believing in Byler as the reasoning after the roller rink fight but they did little to disprove me, I'll tell you that much. In fact, it was very consistent. "Maybe he's being weird because he reciprocates" and then he can't tell his girlfriend he loves her? Can't even say it behind her back like he did in season 3? Is worried that they can't come back from this? Is scared to tell her because she might not like the truth?

That SCREAMS that "the truth" is that he can't tell her, or still can't up until he does because of Will's painting and words.

Mike could not say I love you when El asked. And he couldn't say it when he told Will. And he was starting to come to terms with the fact that he just plain couldn't and that he would have to find a way to tell her that. And he was scared that he would lose her because of it, because who is he not to love her? She's amazing! And he does, technically! Just not how she wants him to, to quote Millie. He was scared to tell her the truth because he doesn't want to lose her.

Mike was coming to terms with the fact that he could not say it because he did not feel it and that he would have to tell her that. And he felt horrible because he couldn't give her what she needed from him, that she's amazing and he's just some sad sack who can't even tell her he loves her. That she'll go and find someone who can. It was only a matter of time before she realized, and this is that time. He saw it in her eyes the first time he couldn't. That's all she wanted from him and he couldn't give it to her. She was giving up on him. And he was terrified of losing her because of that.

If Mike could say I love you and just wished he had in time, he would have said "and maybe if I had just told her how I feel, she would want me there with her". See? He doesn't even need to say the words. But instead he said "and maybe if I had just said that thing". Instead, he said "if only I had said what she wanted me to say". Not what he feels. What she wanted him to say. With the knowledge he has now, he would have prioritized lying over her being in danger. But either way, at the time that he said that, he did still couldn't say it and he knew it.

The biggest Byler proof is the plot they fucking wrote. Because who writes "character A has feelings for character B" and "character B can't tell his girlfriend he loves her, not even behind her back, and he's worried because there's something she might not wanna hear" in the same fucking season. That was all them. I'm just the messenger.

[blortch]

UGH! Once again, Mike "Both sides" Stoklasa not recognizing that there isn't an equivalency to right-wing conservatives who do not want representation, and progressives who do. He is either a secret conservative who doesn't want to piss off progressives, or really that stupid that he really thinks there is a equivalent both sides argument. The internet right wing conservative trolls far out weigh any troll like behavior on the left. The left mainly just say they want more diversity, and the right does not want that. There is no middle ground in discrimination. I applaud Rich for mainly keeping out of it, and/or leaning more to the left on the issue.

When I first was watching the video, I thought Mike's stance would be what he said in a previous star wars video about andor, where he listed off the different star wars shows on disney+, and he basically said there is so much star wars out there now, that each show has its own audience. His example was that there is a star wars show for babies, another for adults, like 'Andor'. I really thought he'd say something like "this show 'the acolyte' is a show for the left... who cares about the internet outrage... [and that the people complaining about diversity on the show should] just get over it and watch one of the other million star wars shows." Not give this mealy mouthed, both sidesism bullshit where by not denouncing it you're giving it oxygen.

More and more Mike shows his true colors. Like how he kept editing Rich. He literally cut off Rich's very valid, very coherent point about Ghostbusters and Robocop, I surmise because he did not want Rich to seem smarter. And idk, just the way he kept editing Rich seemed more vindictive than normal. Like yes he's done that alot, but Idk, it felt way more personal, maybe because Rich was not completely backing his both sidesism crap.

Sorry. Rant over. I had to complain to someone. Would love your always reasoned take on it.

I apologize for at first thinking this was a copypasta jaksjdfkj I haven't gotten a long ask in a good while. anyway. I feel like I Have to watch the video now even tho I wasn't intending to do so. We shall see. So for now bear in mind that I'm going off of your ask alone for my reply.

I think your assumption in how they would handle the Acolyte was a completely fair assumption to make so I'm surprised as you are from hearing Mike handle it differently this time.

You've touched upon something pretty interesting which is the editing perspective of them and I personally haven't noticed much of a discernible pattern in editing except for the occasional mike-making-fun-of-jay-in-editing or making fun of himself, so what you say of Mike editing anyone but himself kinda poorly is something I've heard claimed before that he does to Jay too. If this is true the fact that we, from our perspective, very rarely see Jay disagree as well as for Rich kinda takes an interesting turn doesn't it ? My point has often been, "well they work alongside him for a reason, they must agree with Mike on quite a lot" but this hints towards that maybe they aren't quite as uniform in perspective as one might assume from what we've seen and that it's a manufactured truth that we've been shown - but this is safe to assume either way by the sheer fact that the video has been edited and Jay and Mike themselves have said numerous times about how powerful editing is in terms of making things go numerous ways.

Pattern-wise in editing, in the past few years Jay has long been in charge of editing HITB and the Re:Views that have him in it + somebody that isn't Mike. Mike takes over "special episodes", to bring a recent example: the Death of Movie theaters video, or movies he deems important/decisive for their channel and analogous to Jay, his "own" Re:Views, while they alternate with editing BOTW more or less (cough whenever a BOTW is said to come out soon and Mike's editing cough you can count on it taking longer cough). Though as I've mentioned before, they supposedly check the other's edit before letting it air, I imagine this in videos where they both appear.

Now. This doesn't quite support the theory that Mike's this over-controlling maniac that pushes his own agenda more than Jay's or Rich's views through videos, though to perceive such a sentiment whenever he takes charge of editing could possibly imply that he, in other ways, does not allow opposing views from them. Admittedly, I can't quite paint this sinisterly because he Will take charge as the sole owner of the company (somehow for years I used to believe Jay co-owns RLM but wherever you look, Mike is listed as the ONLY owner) and of course he'd want his videos to reflect what he thinks and I mean, I can't think of many people off the top of my head that would cede on their views on important matters or would allow opposition without rebuttal, so to expect this from Mike wouldn't be fair. Though to us, who don't share his views and the topic of the Acolyte seems quite trivial compared to other matters, it seems like an overbearing, uninformed asshole move haha. I imagine in his eyes he justifies it as him being the director and him enforcing his vision.

As for the Acolyte to call it leftist media is hmmmm it feels a bit dirty and slimy to say that about a Disney product lols. I heard Andor brought up some super interesting points to analyze from that lens, which I find super baffling, that "pandering to the leftists" has become a Thing at all. When I read that the controversy was from casting Abigail Thorne (among other stuff) I realized how overt the Move was to do this. I guess with somewhat of a tendency to virtue signal through fandom nowadays it became profitable by accident? I wonder how long it shall last if so. But maybe that's putting on my cynical thinking cap too much instead of surmising as you said, leftists or people branded anti-right-wing/conservative for existing simply want media that shares their views or represents them to discuss and have fun with.

And finally. Super flattered that you'd think of my takes as "always reasoned", I try to take my time and think about what I'm putting out there so to see my efforts being acknowledged warms my heart.

[bethbluebell]

new to you [ e.williams ] part 4

ellie williams x fem!reader

summary; being the new person in a tight knit community, you would think it’d be tough to create any meaningful relationships but oh were you wrong; and it might just be one new connection in particular that will ultimately be your downfall

parts; 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 (ongoing series)

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

5 months later

"C'mon, you're gonna have to limp faster than that." You remarked turning around. Staring back at you was Mike, a rugged but comedic guy who tagged along with you just a month back.

You smirked as you watched him hunch over and stare at the grassy terrain beneath you, "Please be quiet, I can't even hear myself losing the will to live." He responded sarcasm coating his words. You chuckled as you sauntered over to him and draped his arm over your shoulder.

"We are almost there big guy, don't die on me just yet." You joked, earning a dramatic huff from Mike as he dragged his feet across the ground.

You could make it out in the distance. The all too familiar layout of the place you once and still called home.

It was dusk and even though you were both exhausted and needed a good meal, you started to feel hot and your heart rate began to quicken. "Hey." Your head shot up as you felt Mike's hand touch your shoulder, "You okay? I thought you knew this place?"

You nodded, abruptly forcing yourself out of the trance you found yourself in, "I-I do. It’s just been a while." You gulped returning his gaze with a sheepish smile. It was pretty obvious you weren’t telling him the full truth but it’s not like you left on bad terms with the whole of Jackson, just one person in particular.

Mike didn’t press the subject any further and began to match your pace. After 20 minutes of trekking through the all too familiar patrol paths you arrived at Jackson. You had to yell your full name to the ones guarding the gate and as soon as a small gap opened Maria was the first to come running out with open arms.

"(Y/N)! How long has it been?" Maria engulfed you in a hug that you quickly accepted. From the corner of your eye you could see Mike smiling awkwardly beside you. You pulled away from the hug and nodded towards Mike, "Maria, this is Mike. He's been kinda my partner for the last few weeks."

"Partner, hmm?" Maria teased making you instantly regret your choice of words.

Mike didn't deny it which lead you to quickly wave your hands in front of you in denial. "God, no. Nothing like that." Maria laughed and ushered you both into Jackson. You were greeted by many familiar faces and a minority of new ones.

You fidgeted as you walked alongside her. There was only one specific reason at present making you this nervous. The way you left things with Ellie was a strange one and it didn’t prevent you from thinking about her every day. Its not like you left Jackson solely for the reason of getting away from her but it was just suffocating. You couldn’t understand the hold she had over you and it didn’t seem to soften for the five months you had left either.

“Hey, Maria..” You trailed off letting out a deep sigh in the process. “Do you perhaps know where Ellie is? I'd love to say hello to everyone but we didn't leave on the best of terms."

Maria gave you a pitiful smile and stopped walking. "I think she went back to her room, she just got back from patrol an hour ago."

"Thank you." You looked over at Mike and laughed as he stared in awe at the small town you once lived in. Maria offered to give Mike a tour to which he gladly accepted. He didn’t fail to mention that Maria was hot before running after her.

There’s no point in avoiding the inevitable any longer, it was time to face the music and speak to Ellie. You rushed around being roped into conversations with the townsfolk that recognised you. Thankfully, you were able to cut the conversations short and race in the direction of Ellie’s place.

You weren't going to deny it, you were absolutely shitting yourself. Ellie has always been a tough nut to crack. You just hope she didn't see you leaving as a form of betrayal.

Your mouth began to feel dry and you stood just before Ellie’s door. You lifted your hand and lightly knocked almost instantly hearing shuffling and footsteps within. You took a deep breath and touched the door handle, "Ellie-?" The door flung open and there she was. You swear you felt your heat flutter and possibly skip 10 beats.

She looked you up and down, bewildered. "(Y/N)?"

"Hi." You smiled, trying to keep your hair in check from the wind. "Can I come in? Just a little bit breezy out here." You laughed causing Ellie to fumble and move out the way.

You stepped in and compared in your mind what furniture had been moved and what items have been added. It’s was only up until now did you realise how much time you spent in Ellie's little safe place.

Ellie slumped down on her couch, resting her elbows on her thighs as she rubbed her hands together, "So, how's it been?" Interrupting your train of thought, you whipped your head around giving her your full attention.

You gradually nodded making your way next to her, “Yeah, It’s been good. I mean it definitely hasn’t been smooth sailing but it’s nothing I wasn’t expecting.” You explained. You knew there was no use in persuading her to suddenly accept your decision but you weren’t going to bullshit her either.

“I’ve brought back one of the guys I met while traveling. I’m sure he’ll love to tell you about the shit we got up too.” You turned your head back towards her and paused. Stupidly, you expected Ellie to be smiling along with you but she wasn’t even looking at you, practically avoiding your gaze altogether.

Your smile faded as you shifted your eyes away from her, "He'll probably tell them better than me anyways." You gave off a dry laugh trying to lighten the mood.

From the corner of your eye you could see her muscles tighten and her face discreetly scrunch up at the second mention of Mike, “I’d rather hear them from you.” She spoke up bluntly. Her expression was stoic, an expression you became quite familiar with after all these months of knowing her. She made this face when she wanted to say something but was holding herself back, as if it was the easier option.

You cleared your throat and leaned back into the cushioned seat, “I’ll hold you to that.”

Ellie looked over at you having to turn her upper body to get a wider view. Her eyes tediously swept over your body studying the newly healed scars scattered along your fingers and face. It was hard to explain but something about Ellie just felt different.

You played with your fingers almost forgetting why you rushed over here in the first place. You weren’t overly keen on dwelling on the past but you didn't want it to haunt you two either, "Look, Ellie. I know we didn't part on the best of terms but I think we need to talk about it." You trailed off sitting up from your previous comfortable position.

Ellie briefly rolled her eyes, "Really, (Y/N). Now? Can't we do this later."

You looked up at the ceiling in frustration, "Seriously? We can't just dance around the subject like it came from nothing." You yelled slightly louder than you anticipated, "This is why we left on a bad note because you are always too stubborn to talk to me."

"I don't want you to hate me-"

"I don't-!" You let out a dramatic sigh and stood up, "..I don't hate you Ellie I'm just as frustrated as you are.” You peered into her eyes searching for the answers her mouth wasn't giving but you were still left with nothing.

You begin to pick up your bag and head towards the door, "Where are you going?" Ellie asked abruptly grabbing your wrist.

"I'm leaving." You say not even turning to look at her shaking off her grip.

You went to turn the door handle until your ears perked up, "Shocker, that’s like the only thing you do nowadays." Ellie muttered under her breathe.

You leaned your head against the door, gritting your teeth, "Well what do you want me to do Ellie?" You pushed yourself off the door and turned to face her, "Please enlighten me."

"I don't know?" She lifted her arms up in defeat, "Just stay." It began to sound like a plea but you have just about had enough of Ellie's little mind games. You knew in your heart that they were never intentional but they consistently ended with you getting hurt regardless.

You keep reminding yourself that things will never go the way you want them too. You are grasping at straws thinking Ellie will ever take more of an interest in you than just pure friendship.

You aim for the handle once more until Ellie takes a quick step forward, "At least give me a chance to make it up to you." She pleaded. Her eyes glistening as she scanned your face for any intention of giving in.

"Please."

After a minor battle with your head and your heart you let your fingers fall from the door handle and crossed your arms, "I'm only taking you up on your offer because I'm intrigued not because I have any intention of staying." Ellie grinned and began walking backwards in the direction of her desk; still holding eye contact.

"Well I hope you haven't made yourself comfortable because we are going on a little adventure."

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

You and Ellie were walking side by side through the forest. Your feet shuffled through fallen leaves as you quietly admired the high-strung trees that blocked out the mild wind and rain.

"You know, I was going to ignore it but I can't help notice the bottles clinking obnoxiously loud inside of your bag." You stated failing to stifle the laughter.

"For the surprise factor please ignore it for now." Ellie sheepishly grinned, pulling her bag strap further up her shoulder earning a small giggle from you.

You looked over at Ellie admiring her. This is something you wanted to avoid doing again but how could you? Your feelings have just continued to grow, your mind constantly clouded with thoughts of her.

You gulped and turned your head away, tightening your lips together. The silence wasn't uncomfortable but it definitely wasn't normal for you and Ellie.

Ellie grunted as she pushed the two doors open. It seems that she has decided to drag you to a pub or what’s left of it.

You shuffled past Ellie as she cursed to herself trying to keep the doors from shutting entirely. You looked up in awe, the engravings within the ceiling took you by surprise. You scanned the dozens of frail photographs decorating the walls of what you can assume were customers enjoying a pint or a classic Sunday roast on the evening.

Sure, Jackson's townly pub was a great way to pass the time but it didn't have the character that most taverns oozed. The majority of people in Jackson you knew and most conversations were far from enjoyable and for the cherry on top; Seth managed it.

Both you and Ellie loved to discuss what life must have been like before it all went to shit, pestering Joel for new stories and filling in the information that the books just couldn't provide.

"You know, I never thought about doing this." You spoke out carefully picking up a photograph that was gathering dust on the floor. Pictured was two women, one was smiling as the other kissed her on the cheek. Your heart fluttered at their happiness yearning for the life they once had.

The two doors slammed abruptly. The bang shocking you out of your trance. Ellie huffed looking over at you, "What, going to a tavern?" You laughed at how silly it sounded.

You lightly placed the photograph on one of the tables and returned her gaze. "Well, I always imagined it in certain scenarios before the infected but I always thought it was just pointless in the world we live in now."

"I mean most booze is just plain off limits and you're afraid to get drunk just in case infected comes wandering in."

"Hm, yeah I can see that.” Ellie trailed off walking further into the building. “But you can relax ‘cause I've got them covered." Ellie exclaimed slamming her bag onto the center table. Her eyes squinted at the impact as she unzipped her bag, "Shit, I forgot I had these in there for a second."

You scoffed a smile stretching on your lips as you eagerly watched her pull out two full bottles of alcohol and rest them on the table. "Okay, so that is one problem solved." You side-glanced at the double doors you just came in through, "What about the infected?"

Ellie turns to you while dramatically rolling her eyes, "You having me here is that problem solved." You stared at her dumbfounded, "What?" Ellie asked, loosening the cap on one of the bottles.

"I'm just waiting for the part where you say 'I'm joking'." Ellie scoffed as she opened the bottle.

"I'm guessing you don't want some then?" She taunted dangling the bottle in front of you.

You looked down at the bottle a smile growing on your face at Ellie's teasing. Provoking her you lowered your voice, "You gonna try and stop me?" You edged forward minimizing the gap between your bodies.

You lightly put your hand over Ellie's and gripped the bottle. Her eyes shooting upwards to meet yours staring curiously before speaking up, "Only if you want me to." She whispered with a mischievous glint in her eye. You couldn't understand her. Yes, you may have flirted first but you weren't expecting her to acknowledge it, never mind entertain it.

You quickly pulled the glass bottle from her grip and pressed it to your lips. Succumbing yourself to the burning sensation as it travelled down your throat. "Too slow." You grumbled handing back the bottle. Ellie laughed as you grimaced at the flavour failing to hide your distaste, "That is vile, fucking hell." You choked, holding your throat.

"Well, you don't exactly drink it for the taste." She commented, taking a sip herself.

"Cut me some slack, I haven't touched alcohol since I left." You wandered over to the bar sitting on one of the stools. You sighed, observing the shelves with broken glasses and more beautifully carved wood.

"I wouldn't even class myself as a sociable person but I would love to just meet new people, get shit faced and make a fool out of myself dancing to cringy pop music." You gushed turning around to Ellie. She was staring down at the bottle as if she couldn't hear you.

"Ellie?" Her head shot up as if her mind was previously elsewhere.

You lightly patted the stool next to you, "I don't even care about the infected anymore, let's get absolutely wasted." The softness in her eyes returned as she looked back at you making your chest tighten.

With no mixers you both were practically taking mini-shots of pure alcohol and having barely anything to line your stomachs beforehand, you both were for sure on cloud nine.

Giggling, you clumsily placed your hand on Ellie's shoulder shaking her lightly, "Remember on your birthday when I was walking you back home and you had wayyy too much to drink that night."

"You-" Cutting yourself off from laughing struggling to catch your breath, "You fell into one of the greenhouses and crushed all the cabbages."

Ellie burst out laughing nearly knocking over the glass bottles you both were very much enjoying.

"It was your fucking fault Maria knew it was me!" Ellie cried out poking your arm, "She had all the people from my party that night lined up and as soon as she said my name you burst out laughing!"

"I-I'm sorry!" You managed to get out. You clasped your hand over hers still failing to calm down your laughter, "I just kept replaying the moment in my head of you tripping over a cabbage and then she said your name-" You stumbled forward briskly falling off the stool and practically into Ellie's lap.

Your laughter was quickly cut off by you groaning, "Uhh, fuck my head." You complained into her clothes. Pushing yourself back you leaned both palms on her torso, your head dizzy from the drink.

Ellie was observing you clearly amused at your drunken state. Your eyes widened as you glanced up. Fuck. You almost sobered up there and then.

You and Ellie's faces were merely inches away from each other.

You sucked in your breath as you locked eyes. You swore you saw her eyes darken as she briefly glanced down at your lips. Your heart thudded against your chest as she began moving at an agonizingly slow pace towards you.

You dared to move hope cascading through your body, "Ellie..I-" You were cut off by her softly pressing her lips onto yours. Heat radiated through your body as she cupped your face pulling you into her your movements getting more eager by the second.

She pulls you up stabilizing you on your feet but never breaking the kiss. You wondered if she could hear your heartbeat and hear how much you want her. How much you have wanted her.

A shiver sped down your spine as her hands left your face and travelled further down your upper-body.

Ellie nuzzled into your neck her lips pecking at your skin until they quickly turned into hickeys. Her touch was intoxicating as she sucked at the skin. You tipped your head back, a light moan escaping from your lips.

This earned a deep chuckle from Ellie as she parted from your neck and came face to face with you again.

Soaking in the memory of you leaning against the bar. Your shirt and hair disheveled with her love bites painting your neck.

You couldn't understand why she had this effect on you. Still, you couldn't help but want her.

Guilt filled your mind as Dina appeared in your thoughts. You felt awful. You looked down at your shirt and quickly fixed it up scared somebody was going to catch you in such a comprising state.

"W-we should go." You stuttered, grabbing both your bags from the bar ledge. You clumsily marched over to Ellie pushing her bag to her stomach. You were still very much drunk but the guilt was eating away at you sobering you up by the minute.

"What- Are you okay? I thought-"

"We shouldn't have done that." You shut her down bluntly. Ellie looked stunned for a second but then quickly regained herself.

Ellie barged past you anger radiating from her body.

You felt awful but you weren't sure which part was making you feel worse. Betraying Dina like that completely went against your moral compass but on the other hand you would never dream of hurting Ellie and seeing her visibly upset stung.

You walked purposely far behind her. The silence causing an eerie tension to build up between you too.

You don't want Ellie to hate you but you didn't want a relationship built on lies. Ellie wasn't the easiest to have an adult conversation with. She would always start raising her voice or just storm off in fustration. You will admit that this situation was your fault but you were terrified of being rejected. Again.

You pushed through the overgrown terrain being careful to survey your surroundings. The drink was still noticeably in your system as you swayed into a tree. You scrunched your eyes shut harshly rubbing the impacted area of your forehead.

Opening your eyes, you spotted a figure in the distance twitching and spewing deep, inaudible sounds. Your eyes quickly darted around to find Ellie. You leaned forward and found her walking through the dimly lit forest, smacking the bushes as she trudged through.

"Psst, Ellie!" You whispered flailing your arms above your head hoping she'll see you from the corner of her eye.

Ellie stopped, turning around like a spoilt child, "I really don’t-!" You abruptly put a finger to your mouth and pointed over at the runner. She turned her head in the same direction and on instinct her hands went straight for her bow.

The runner twitched in aggravation, failing to react to your and Ellie's hideous attempts at miming to each other a plan. You use to work so well together and now it was like you didn't speak the same language.

You huffed pulling out the dagger attached to your thigh. Taking the lead you began to creep up behind the runner, slowing your pace at any frantic movements. Once you were at an arm’s length from its body you lifted your arm up and in that split second it was dead.

Your eyes widened as it's body slumped to the ground before you. An arrow. A few inches from your face penetrated the runners brain. Your arm was still in the air frozen in place.

Did she really just fucking do that?

Your head shot in the direction of Ellie throwing your arms down in rage, "What is wrong with you!" You yelled anger coating your words.

Ellie had just finished putting the bow around her body and crossed her arms in defiance, “I don’t know, (Y/N). Maybe it's because you were taking your sweet goddamn time."

You gasped in disbelief marching over to her, "You could've put a fucking arrow through my head, are you insane?"

Ellie rolled her eyes casually brushing the hair out of her face, "Stop being dramatic."

"Ellie, the arrow was-" you motioned a small gap between your two fingers, "-that far away from me. I think I have the right to be dramatic."

The walk back was practically silent unless you count the muttering you were doing about how Ellie was drunk and still decided on shooting an arrow that close to your skull.

You were staying at Jesse's place for the time being. He was kind enough to give you and Mike his two spare rooms.

Mike was currently off getting accounted with the people of Jackson. He already seemed to be hitting it off with Tommy.

From what you were told there was a small gathering going on and Mike was pestering you to join him. The only problem is that you couldn't control the painful throbbing sensation that plagued your skull. Gotta love the after affects of drinking.

You laid awake staring at the pale white ceiling attempting to push your headache aside and replay the events of this afternoon. Ellie instigated it. Ellie was the one who kissed you but you never viewed Ellie as a cheater. Her loyalty was so unwavering it just felt so out of character. You fidgeted laying on your side unable to get comfortable when a loud knock echoed throughout the building.

You sat up in confusion quickly scrambling out of bed. You seethed as your bare feet hit the cold wood. Oh, what you would give to experience central heating.

Running down the flight of stairs you opened the door with remarkable speed being met with a clearly startled Ellie.

"Ellie?" You questioned leaning out the door and looking both ways, "Is everything okay?" You said stepping back wrapping your arms around your torso.

Ellie looked you up and down nodding as she walked inside abruptly shutting the door behind her, "I'm losing my mind, (Y/N)." Your lips tightened not understanding her statement, "I can't act like that didn't just happen today." She explained pacing within the corridor.

You stood there blind sighted. You hadn't prepared for this conversation so soon, "I really don't think-" Ellie's eyes interlocked with yours and suddenly your mouth slammed shut. Suddenly you didn’t know what to say.

Ellie walked over to you her pace slowing the closer she got. She then softly placed her palm onto the side of your face and stroked your cheek with her thumb. Her touch was tender. It took ever fiber in your body to not lean into her hand and melt into a puddle there and then, "You have to tell me if I'm too late, if you've already made up your mind."

"What?" You muttered searching her face for the answers to her mindless rambling.

You leaned forward your noses barely touching as your eyes roamed over one another. You were fixated on her studying every freckle on her face, all the beautiful shades of green that lurked within her eyes.

You hesitated as Ellie leaned in. A light gasp being the only thing that could be heard.

Until it wasn't.

Faint voices could be heard just outside the front door. A loud, hearty laugh booming throughout the streets of Jackson. A laugh that you have become quite familiar with.

You took a step back away from Ellie just as the front door swung open. A visibly tipsy Mike stumbling through.

One of the other residents was helping him through the doorway. A youngish guy around the same age as you. You quickly ran over to Mike taking him from the young guys hold and thanked him.

"I'll speak to you tomorrow, goodnight mate!" Mike shouted hanging out the door. You pushed him inside cringing at how loud he was being. You almost forgot Ellie was in the house until you turned around seeing both Mike and Ellie staring at each other.

Mike was in the middle of straightening his posture and Ellie looked hostile.

What the fuck is going on?

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Holy shii- it’s nearly the end of this series :O! I don’t think this chapter is one of my best but hay ho.

The next part is the last - very emotional - but I hope you enjoyed this new part and thank you so much for the ongoing support! :)

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taglist; @daddy-jareau @hallows3ve @galacticstxrdust​ @elliesslut @tomorrowillbecrucified​ @yamayaki​  @parkersmyth

[billthedrake]

THE BULL (PART FIVE)

Mike felt extra horny all week. He'd jerked off the minute he'd gotten home from the city that Sunday, reliving in his mind sex with Kevin and the scene with Paul.

And the next day he stroked off twice, once in the shower before work and again when he got home, a nice long session capped off by watching one of his favorite videos of Dirk Caber being pounded by a young stud.

Tuesday night he'd hit the gym for a heavy workout after his shift. He got home and had a late dinner, then watched some baseball on TV. As his mind wondered back to Kevin Connors, yeah, Mike was boning up again. He pulled his prick out form his gym shorts, feeling its steel hardness. The 25 year old knew his endowment was one of his best selling points. Kevin seemed to love his size, even fixate on it.

Mike spit in his hand and rubbed the saliva on his dick, but it was still too much friction. He got up and made his way to the bedroom, where he found his trusty lube. It was a different brand the one that Paul and Kevin used and he considered giving theirs a try next time. He liked the feel, not as slick, it made fucking even hotter, particularly since he'd started doing Kevin raw.

He was picturing that raw daddy ass on his cock right then. "That's it Daddy," he hissed to no one, "Take my fucking dick..." He stroked it faster, feeling the pleasure rise, until heavy ropes of his sperm jetted out. "Fuck!" he growled, then trotted off to the bathroom to rinse off.

After that, the trooper avoided jerking off. It was a habit Greg and Joe had got him in. It had never occurred to the 19 year old Mike to skip a day of release, unless he absolutely had to. But Joe loved eating out Mike's loads from Greg's fucked hole, and he asked if the young top could hold off a couple of days the next time.

Mike tried it and it soon became part of his routine, whether Joe got to get felch duty or not. He loved the intensity of the fuck when he was keyed up like that, and it added to his anticipation for their sessions.

It was probably the first time, too, that he realized topping was just much a mental attitude as a physical sensation. He loved playing up his potency for the older couple. And the more he did the more they encouraged him. Complimenting him, boosting his ego.

Maybe that's why he went so deep with those guys, Mike reflected.

He wondered if Kevin and Paul were going to be long-term like that. Mike tried not to get his hopes up. Truth be told, everything had been so perfect, so incredibly hot, with those guys up till now. It was a different dynamic than with Greg and Joe, who'd guided Mike through the cuck dynamic. Here Mike was the one bringing Kevin and Paul along. And Mike had enjoyed the hell out of that. Even if things didn't pan out for the future, he'd be happy with the experience.

Or maybe not. Grr, something about those guys made him want more. And he'd been looking for a regular situation for the last couple of years.

****

It had actually been a tough week at work for the trooper, so he was extra glad when Sunday rolled around. He did his normal routine... gym, breakfast, shower and shave. He packed a bag, another bag with the duffel this time. He wanted to stay over again, but more than that he had a surprise for the guys.

Kevin answered the door this time.

"Hey Mike," he greeted, "looking good... Come on in."

Kevin was looking great himself. Polo shirt and jeans, both of which fit his body perfectly. Mike wasn't sure how much effort it took to keep a body in such perfect shape but Kevin Connors was magazine shoot ready. As he followed his host in, he reached down and cupped his crotch, rearranging the growing dick.

"Hey bud," Paul greeted with a handshake and a hug. Uncharacteristically he was the more informally dressed, just a Princeton T-shirt and mesh shorts. "Just got back from the gym, hope you don't mind," he explained.

"It's all good," Mike said. "Great to see you."

Paul offered him something to drink.

"A water's good, actually," he grinned as he sat down on the couch next to Kevin.

"Hey Daddy," he winked, his arm resting on the couch and legs spread, "good to see you."

Kevin smiled, scooting next to the hunky state trooper. "Good to see you too, man."

Mike leaned in for a soft kiss. "Um... nice."

Paul came in with the water and Mike took it, leaving his free hand on Kevin's shoulder. "How you been guys?" he asked.

"Doing well," Paul replied. "Busy week. Kev's been traveling a lot."

"Yeah?" Mike asked. "Anywhere fun?"

"South Texas," Kevin said. "It was hot as balls."

Mike laughed.

They made small talk, sensing no urgency to rush things. It was only noon, and they'd set up an earlier time to meet.

Finally Kevin changed the conversation topic. "So, Mike... Paul and I had a good conversation after last time."

Mike shifted to face the DILF, not interrupting but listening to what he had to say with a poker face.

"... and I guess I've been reading up on this cuck business, catching up with you and Paul. Turns out my husband is a big ol' pervert," he joked. As Paul laughed, Mike did too, glad that these guys were OK with whatever they'd talked about.

"... Paul and I both think it would be really hot if you were my bull."

"Yeah?" Mike smiled, elated. He'd had been playing the alpha with these guys but he didn't realize how much he craved this.

"Look at him, the guy's like a kid with a new toy at Christmas."

Kevin smiled. "Kind of like you were babe, last week, eating me out after he fucked me."

Paul grinned back, enjoying the playful banter with his husband. They'd seemingly been working on that, being more open about it.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Mike growled, "I am so glad you came to that decision."

Kevin nodded, pleased to see the enthusiasm from this younger man. "I got a couple of conditions though."

"Tell me, man," Mike said, taking liberty again to run his fingers along Kevin's shoulder and neck affectionately. "I'm all ears."

"1. No hardcore humiliation stuff. If Paul and I want to work in a little of that play we will, but that's not your job."

Mike nodded. Humiliation had been a big part of Joe's kink but he could live without it. "Deal."

"2. When you're our guest, you get to call the sleeping arrangements, but you gotta respect Paul."

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Mike smiled, acknowledging Paul. "What else?"

"3. When I say to put a rubber on you put one on. And if you fuck other guys besides me, let me know. I know you're on PReP but I don't feel like getting any other STDs."

"Promise," Mike said.

Kevin nodded and continued. "The fourth isn't a condition but a request. A favor to ask."

"What is it?"

"On occasion we bring Paul into it. Make it a traditional three way."

Mike looked over. "Paul's a hot guy. I definitely have no problem with that.... Only how occasional are we talking about? I've never met a cuck who wanted to..." He was concerned about the dynamic.

"It's not for him," Kevin clarified, "it's for me."

Mike acknowledged that. "Understood. What Daddy wants, Daddy gets." Then he added. "You still OK with me calling you that?"

"It's growing on me," Kevin winked. "So... we good?"

"We're more than good," Mike growled and leaned forward and met Kevin in a deep kiss, as Paul looked on.

"Damn," Paul hissed. "You guys are beautiful."

Kevin leaned back. "Babe, I officially got a bull." He patted Mike's burly chest. "A big fucking hung young top."

"Guys you're making me feel like a piece of meat," Mike laughed.

"Oh yeah," Kevin growled, "that's the fifth condition. You're my hot, hung piece of meat." With that he pounced on the young cop, staddling his lap and making out with him.

"Oh fuck, Daddy," Mike hissed his approval, kissing along Kevin's neck and massaging the ass through the jeans. "You're so fucking hot." His hands travelled up the man's polo shirt, feeling the chest as they humped and made out.

"You want in me, Mike?" Kevin breathed.

Mike nodded. "Oh yeah... Only I got a surprise for you first."

"Surprise?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah. Get off me a sec." Mike's eyes followed Kevin's hot body as the man stood up in front of him. He stood up and met the DILF in a quick kiss. "Wait just a second, guys," he said and grabbed his duffel bag and made it back to the guest room.

Kevin looked at Paul with a quizzical expression. His husband shrugged his shoulders. He then looked at Kevin and asked how he was doing.

"Really good, babe. It feels right, you know."

"Yeah, I know," Paul replied. "Even watching you kiss."

Kevin sat next to Paul and met him for a kiss. It felt weirdly naughty kissing his own husband after making out with Mike, and the two men moaned as they swapped tongues.

"Love you, Kev," Paul said as they broke and rested their foreheads against one another.

"Love you, too, Babe."

In a few minutes Mike reappeared. Only he was dressed head to toe in his state police uniform. Shirt, trousers, belt, cap and knee-high boots. He strutted into the room, each bootstep heavy.

"Holy fuck," Paul said.

Mike enjoyed this. He always did, seeing other men's reaction to the uniform. He didn't break it out often, but for special occasions, it made the sex even hotter.

He stepped up to Kevin who looked up, wide eyed and horny.

"Go ahead, Daddy. Feel me up, if you like."

"I like," Kevin hissed and reached out and touched the material. Poly blend that was slightly rough to the touch. The whole thing seemed very snug on Mike's beefy body and the pants alone clung and stretched along the young man's thick thighs. "It's tight on you."

Mike nodded. "It's my old uniform actually. Probably three years old now." He reached down and unzipped, pulling out his fat cock.

Kevin didn't take it right in. Instead he leaned forward and kissed the thick shaft, which firmed up even more. "Jeeez... this cop dick is so fucking beautiful."

"Worship it, Daddy," Mike hissed patting Kevin's hair softly and guiding the man to his crotch. "Worship your cop bull."

Kevin did, licking and kissing the big cock and feeling it grow harder with each second.

As the 48 year old hunk took the phallus into his mouth, Mike leaned back, placing his hands on his hips and puffing out his chest. "Oh yeah." He savored the feel of Kevin's mouth nursing his bone. This was the sixth time hooking up with these guys and even in such a short timeframe he could sense that the man sucking his bone had gotten better at this. The first few times he'd struggled with Mike's size but now he seemed to relish it, taking Mike's dick deeper on each down stroke. Undoubtedly the uniform helped.

Paul looked on in rapt attention. He always loved watching this, watching his husband go down on another man. Particularly as one as studly as Mike. But the state police uniform just amplified it. Paul didn't consider himself to have a uniform fetish, not like Kevin. But the uniform was definitely enhancing Mike's masculine stature, which only fueled Paul's thrill at being cuckolded.

Mike looked at him, a twinkle in his eye. One that communicated a thousand words. A look that told Paul that Mike knew. Mike might hold back on the full cuckolding treatment, out of respect to Kevin's wishes, but he knew a humiliating phrase could get Paul that much closer to cumming.

That look sent shivers down Paul's body.

"You can get a closer look," Mike finally said. "Come watch your man suck my dick."

Paul nodded and felt like his dick would burst any minute he was so rigid. He walked over and knelt next to Mike, his face about six inches away from the meaty thigh encased in slate-blue polyester. Just a few inches further, Kevin was doing a bang-up job of sucking that cock. Really going down far on the thick inches, nursing it with suction on each bob. He enjoyed putting on a show for Paul, and his sucking got more intense as Paul watched.

Mike wanted to give an insulting taunt to Paul, but he held back. Still, this threeway connection was super hot. It was what he dreamed of when he first contacted these guys. They had it all. The looks, the personality, the deep connection of their relationship. He had to pull out of Kevin's mouth before he blew too quickly.

"Stand up, Daddy," he urged, and Kevin did. He saw Mike's face open for a kiss, so Kevin leaned forward and felt the young man's tongue press possessively into his mouth. At times Mike kissed with finesse at times the kisses were all sexual excitement and no skill. Kevin liked both versions. Especially making out with a state trooper in uniform. He took the occasion to run his hand along the shirt fabric, feeling Mike's strong body beneath. He knew he had a thing for cops. What gay guy doesn't? But being with the real deal was an incredible rush, so much hotter than he even could have expected.

Mike's hands were fumbling with Kevin's jeans, undoing them and pulling them down mid-thigh. All while Paul knelt, inches away. Kevin had gone commando and his sub-6-inch dick pressed like a spike against the uniform pants as Mike's hands gripped the DILF's hot ass and played with the buns, and soon, pried into the crack.

"I gotta fuck you Daddy," he growled. "Need it so bad."

Kevin nodded, letting out a deep grunt of assent. He pushed his ass back into Mike's hands, which gave a big smile to the young cop's face.

"Oh yeah, man. You bull's gonna bone you good." Their lips met once more, then Mike's hands gripped Kevin's waist and turned him around.

Paul watched as Mike reached into his uniform shirt pocket and pull out a small packet of lube. He gave a wink as he handed it to the husband. "You do the honors, bud?"

Kevin was smiling as he saw Paul take the packet and open it with his teeth. He had to turn around to see Paul drizzle the liquid onto Mike's fat erect cock, as the cop grinned down.

"That's good," Mike said and as Paul started to put some on his finger to lube Kevin up, Mike grabbed the packet out of his hand. "Uh unh, you don't touch him. Only I do."

It was an assertive statement that provoked a compliant, "yes," from Paul. Surprisingly it made Kevin turned on, too, particularly when he felt Mike's thick finger apply the lubricant to his hole, teasing the ring with the tip and pushing some of it inside him.

"Gonna skip the foreplay today, Daddy," Mike announced as he stepped up and slapped his huge meat into place. "Hold on."

Kevin wanted to tell him the uniform and make out session had been foreplay enough. And though Mike's penetration was steady, it wasn't rough. Kevin leaned forward, bracing his hands on his thighs, as the cop bored into him.

"Fuck, man," Mike growled, wrapping his arms around the DILF. "You got the best ass. So hot."

Kevin sighed. This felt great. Nothing to take away from sex with Paul but this was pure sex in all its intensity. A part of him still felt guilty that he enjoyed this big dick boring into him so much, but he looked down and Paul was scrambling underneath to watch the connection. To watch the bull fuck into his husband. That knowledge turned Kevin on and he bucked his ass all the way back down the remaining inches of Mike's dick.

"Oooh yeah, Daddy.... you want that cock, huh?" Mike growled as he felt his bone bury all the way inside. "You like getting fucked by a trooper."

"Hell yes, Officer," Kevin answered excitedly. Paul's eyes veered from looking at the connection point of Mike's dick and Kevin's asshole - over to examine Kevin's face. His husband was definitely excited by the uniform scene.

Mike pumped in and out a few strokes then pulled out gently. He gave a light slap to Kevin's buns. "Lets get Daddy out of these clothes so you can sit on my cock."

"Yes, sir," Kevin hissed, stepping out of his jeans and pulling off his polo. His nipples were erect with excitement, as was his prick, which dripped precum down its length.

Paul noticed. "Fuck, babe you're leaking." Kevin sometimes leaked pre-sap but never like this.

"Fuck, I'm so turned on," he muttered, turning around to see Mike sitting on the couch, in full uniform, his eyes barely visible beneath the rim of his campaign cover. From the unzipped crotch of the uniform the powerful cock stood up rigid and slick.

"Climb on, Daddy," Mike growled and both men hissed as Kevin just did that, wasting no time straddling the trooper's lap and settling back down on the cock.

"Oh fuck," Kevin grunted, feeling the different angle of penetration. It slowed his descent but not much. The cop looked on excitedly as the man fucked himself back on him.

Mike gripped Kevin's waist, feeling the warm flesh and gently guided him up and down into a steady rocking motion of a fuck.

Their faces neared one another and they kissed once more, the motion knocking the trooper's cover back.

"Oh God man," Kevin hissed, bracing his hands on the policeman's burly chest as he bounced up and down.

"I thought you'd like this," Mike said, giving little mini thrusts up into the man.

"Paul, you getting a good view?" he asked.

Paul was and he said as much. He sat, his face just a foot away from Kevin's ass, watching the bare cock violate the hole over and over.

"Go ahead and lick it, buddy," he said. He looked up at Kevin, wanting to be respectful of his bottom's wishes. "That OK, Daddy?"

"Oh yeah," Kevin replied. He could remember ever being so turned on. It got more intense to as he felt Paul's tongue lap at his hole, right at the spot Mike's cock was pressing in. The sensation just added to the rising pleasure. He wasn't sure how long he could hold off.

Mike was on a similar wavelength. "Buddy, that's gonna get me off. Right into your husband's ass." He looked into Kevin's eyes, seeing a pre-orgasmic daze in the bottom's face. "You about to come, Daddy?"

Kevin nodded, unable to speak. He was so close to orgasm.

"It's an old uniform, you can shoot all over it," Mike instructed.

That did it, the very idea of cumming all over the trooper. Kevin's head leaned back and he roared with an intesne cum, spurting hot seed all over the young trooper beneath him. At that moment, Mike was cumming, too, deep up inside his guts.

"Oh fuck, that's what I'm talking about," Mike sighed as he came down from his high slowly. His dick still felt good inside Kevin's hole. "Tell me you loved that, Daddy," he said reaching up to run the back of his hand along Kevin's neck.

"Oh I loved it all right. That was hot as shit."

Mike smiled. "What do you say we give your husband a present?"

Kevin didn't understand what he was referring to then seemed to. "My used hole?"

Mike laughed. "That, too. Only I'll let him clean my cock off if he wants."

Kevin got a naughty look on his face then raised up off Mike's phallus.

"Oh fuck, he's doing it, Daddy. Your husband's cleaning me off."

Kevin scrambled off to watch. Sure enough Paul was going to town licking the prick from tip to balls, licking off every trace of cum and lube from the dick. All while frantically beating his dick. It was a trip to see. The submissive position and then his husband's face turning red as he came.

"Oh fuck," he hissed, his mouth an inch away from Mike's balls as he rode out his orgasm. He finally leaned back, breathing heavily but coming down from the intensity of the sex that just happened.

"You mind getting us a washcloth and a towel, buddy?" Mike asked Paul. Polite but also controlling of the situation.

Paul nodded and stood up, his own prick still rigid and quivering.

"Damn, I don't think I've seen him that turned on," Kevin observed as he stood up.

Mike had removed his cover and was slowly unbuttoning his uniform shirt. "I could say the same about you, Daddy." He showed where Kevin's cum had soaked through. "This uniform is definitely going to get more use from now on."

Kevin grinned. Now that sex was over he felt self-conscious about the way he'd fetishized Mike's job but the young man seemed into the admiration. "So... dumb question. I didn't know how to address you just now. Do I call you Officer?"

Mike unbuckled his belt. "My title's Trooper. Trooper First Class to be exact. But civilians often address us as Officer and that's cool."

"All right, Trooper First Class Mike," Kevin winked. "That was just about the hottest sex I've ever had."

Mike pulled off his boot. "My goal is to remove the 'just about' part of that sentence, Daddy."

Kevin blushed. He didn't want to admit that this young man had done just that already. As he watched the trooper remove the second boot, an idea occurred to him. "You know, you keep calling me Daddy, but I don't have a nickname for you."

Mike looked up, grinning. "It's Bull. You can call me Bull." He saw Kevin process the idea. "You think you can get used to that, Daddy?"

Kevin nodded. "Yeah, Bull, I think I can."

Paul returned with damp clothes and dry towels for the other men. "What do you say we grab a bite?"

"Sounds good, Babe," Kevin said, giving his husband a quick peck as he stood up. It was remarkable how much more comfortable he seemed with the sexual dynamic, especially compared to their first time. It showed in his body language.

[forensicated]

02x07 - Ringer

Ted sits with his girlfriend, Linda (played by Marian McLoughlin, a frequent guest star over the years, appearing in 10 episodes though this is her only appearance as Linda) in a traffic jam, nodding at the officers who pass on the way to a job just around the corner. He notices that the Chief Superintendent is in attendance so it must be something serious. Ted claims they might need him so he goes to see what's happening. Robin is back for his first appearance after being shot in Hostage.

A speeding car had its brakes fail, causing him to swerve to avoid a motorbike and hit a bus that went over onto its side. A motorbike tried to avoid hitting the bus and went under a lorry which screeched to a halt and had a car drive into it. There are lots of walking wounded, some serious casualties that need cutting out and at least 6 have passed away.

Taffy and others are in the bus helping tend to those trapped whilst also getting the walking wounded out of the vehicle. Yorkie updates Brownlow that the bus was carrying a group of elderly day trippers from South End. Bob suggests using a nearby school as a morgue until everyone is free and they've found a morgue to take the bodies.

A photographer is already taking pictures before being shooed away by officers. June is in the car that crashed into the lorry, supporting the passengers head and neck. A doctor suspects she has spinal injuries so she needs to stay as still as possible. The man she was with has died and is being kept out of her line of sight with June telling her that he's ok until she's freed and has gone to the hospital.

Taffy returns to the station to man the incident room with Tom, Mike and Reg (who is moaning that he's supposed to be on light duties because of his back and he worries that he's about to lose his compensation(!)

Linda drives Ted's car to a nearby safe space when the vehicles can move again and tells him she's going in to work by tube and warns him not to come home smelling of booze. Ted smiles roguishly. "You better have them off by the time I get home!" Abe is amazed that the old people on the coach are as calm as anything and aren't fussing. Ted reminds them they lived through The Blitz.

The school receptionist disapproves of the school being used as a temporary morgue, even though it's half term, but the headmaster has given permission so she has to open up to allow them. She tells Brownlow that it "better not be sending presidence!" He assures her they need to clear the scene as quickly as possible and that they'll be moving them to proper mortuaries as soon as they get space.

A Sergeant from the traffic division comes over to Bob and tells him that the driver who reported his brakes having failed was telling the truth but it is worse than that - he suspects the car is a a ringer and shows Bob where it has been joined.

June and the fire officers support the lady trapped in a car and gently carry her out of the wreckage with Bob, Jim and Yorkie helping keep her as still as possible. Yorkie is sent to the hospital to collect statements and - when she's at the hospital - tell the trapped lady that her husband has passed. Jim is sent to check the car for any personal belongings left by the couple and then to get it towed away.

Pete watches from the car as Viv comforts a mother whos son has passed in the RTA. Pete tells her that she should have just told her - bosh - and then left. He does promise to do the next one... I don't know if that's a good idea (!)

Roy is fuming about Ted being late, claiming being delayed by the accident isn't a good enough reason and that he'll move him to the 'Dream Factory' (Scotland Yard) if he does it again as it's the second time that week.

Pete goes to tell a woman that her mother has been killed in the accident. Viv reminds him to be diplomatic. Pete stops to remove his chewing gum before going inside... I suppose it's something! He enters a hairdressers and asks to speak to the woman in private. Pete can't tell her at first that her mother has died and tells her she's at the hospital... he then quietly tells her that he's sorry but she's dead.

Traffic looks at the car and confirms that it's a cut-and-shut and made up of three cars put together - poorly. The owner bought it from the local paper a couple of weeks previously. Roy tasks Ted with speaking to the man to see if he remembers where he got it from. He paid for it via cheque to a man called Mr Regan who delivered it to the house for him to look over. There's an address on the paperwork.

Yorkie sits at the bedside of the lady from the wreck that had to be cut free and he tries to comfort her and offers to contact family or friends for her. She then admits that the dead man is not her husband, he's her lover and there's a Mrs Simpson still to tell! Yorkie updates Bob who passes him to Robin for him to check up on the details for the real Mrs Simpson.

All the bodies at the school have been identified and removed from the school. Ted attends the address from the paperwork of the car to find it's a nightclub. The owner is standoffish and rude before Ted produces his warrant card which causes him to snap into being helpful. He tells him that Regan had a short let office upstairs and left two weeks ago. He imported and exported sports cars and the owner of the club bought one himself. Ted has to tell him that his car is a ringer after checking it over.

Uniform gather in the incident room to pool what they know. Tom Penny pounces in and catches some smoking and some about to light their cigarettes, fining them all 50p for smoking on a No Smoking Day. Jim later defaces a poster to warn the others and places it beside the No Smoking Day one.

Every witness and/or victim that Bob has spoken to claims that the driver of the Porsche whose brakes failed is the reason for the accident because he was driving so fast that it kicked off the chain of the events that followed. Bob tells him he's likely to be charged with reckless, careless or dangerous driving.

Mr Simpson's real wife isn't home and is likely to be in Margate or Milton Keynes according to family. A man has been charged with stealing the old ladies' handbags in the hospital (!) He's a known thief who the officers call 'Poison Dwarf'.

Regan has been found to owe money in lots of places and did not leave a forwarding address. He also owes the bank £10K too which gives the police more powers to track him down. Roy rings a former DS in the Robbery Squad who now works for the bank and asks him to do a naughty to track down Regan's account to see if there's an up to date address.

If you need more nightmare fodder, Reg is front and center watching a stripper in the pub much to the amusement of the others who stay at the bar or a nearby table instead. "Just look at Hollis' face... what a plonker he is." Viv and June sigh, leaving the pub after seeing enough bodies for one day. This is the Pig And Whistle pub used in the episode.

Dave - the former DS turned bank employee tells Roy that Regan had 150K go through his bank before he skipped out, leaving a 10K overdraft behind. He asks what the police's interest is and Roy tells him it's ringers. Dave suggests it's likely that he's using multiple names then because he'd burn through the ability to stay in one place quickly given the issues. He gives Roy a name and address, telling him it's the details from the only cheque Regan wrote on the account. The cheque went through someone else's account but he added his details on the back.

Ted goes to the address and talks to a man about Regan. He told him he wanted a couple of study wooden crates to send second-hand motor parts abroad so the man made them for £200. The name on the van that collected the crates was Galley Sidwick which is a Car Breakers yard. The owner made sure he took note in case the cheque bounced. Ted reports it back to Roy.

Sun Hill prepares to raid the car breaker yard the next morning. As they wait, Ted tells Roy about his night with Linda how he romanced her with a bottle of wine, a meal and a bit of Julio Iglesias and how it made her want him to make love to her over the table. "Very embarrassing," he adds after. "Can't go back to that restaurant again."

(If you look top left of the more recent Google Maps image you can see the Grenfell Tower ❤ .The site used for the car breakers could be Defreitas Motors on the left-hand side of the Google Maps pic as there was a sign shown in the episode that said it too)

Roy and Ted head into the porter cabin to find a group of men - and DS 'Tommy Burnside' playing poker. Roy calls him a bent bastard and finds that he's wearing a wire and that he is undercover. He tells Roy there's a big ringing operation working from the yard and 'Regan' is Mark Galley, a rally driver. He had been working on it for months to get them to trust him. Regan/Galley finances his rallying by creating and selling the ringers and is on-site boxing up the car Burnside was 'buying'. "You are a silly man!" Ted chastises him to this response from Burnside...🤣 Frank returns to the cabin afterwards to gather up all the money on the table, pocketing it.

Sun Hill manages to get inside and dodge being threatened with a dog, blowtorch, and multiple weapons to arrest Galley/Regan and others in his group. It does however include a violent chase over walls and fences, through tunnels, through holes in the floor and over a pile of tyres. June Is knocked senseless and Pete lays into one before Abe calls him off. There's a rather spectacular car crash too after Nick throws a trolley through the windscreen of a car that Galley had tried to escape in! Ted also has to be dragged back off Regan/Galley.

Burnside is in the incident room, trying to pull June. June isn't interested in the slightest, even when he offers her a "trip to paradise."(!!) Nick grasses Tom up for smoking in the toilets on his own non-smoking day!

Mrs Simpson attends the station at the end of the shift, having returned from staying overnight with family. Reg takes her towards the parade room where there others are recuperating with cans of beer after such a vicious heavy afternoon.

Although he keeps her outside the room she can hear all the laughter and joking inside. Bob has to switch to professional mode and take her through to the quiet office and tell her that her husband has passed away with the drunk men watching and laughing just the other side of the doorway, joking that she's Bob's bit on the side.

[queenofbaws]

Coming in REAL late with a new years request, so you can ignore this one if you want. But is there truly a better way to ring in the upcoming release of your soon to be blockbuster hit mouth of frost than with a new year's party where you 'invite' all your old 'friends' to celebrate with you?

They wouldn’t call it a joke, really, even if it was a little funny, and even if they did keep laughing to themselves as they wrote each note out by hand. It was more like…morbid curiosity.

Emphasis on morbid, of course.

None of them had quite forgotten the way the group had snapped to attention when the book came out, how years of silence and miles of distance had folded in on themselves until, for all intents and purposes, they were teenagers sniping back and forth between classes again. Bob had advised them (inasmuch as Bob Washington was capable of advising anyone) that when you struck it big, when your fifteen minutes finally hit, people came out of the woodwork to look for money or favors or sheer proximity to greatness, but that? The way they’d all reappeared overnight? Gone one second and – poof! – there the next? Well that had been something else, ladies and gents.

So. Morbid curiosity, sure. If the book had gotten that sort of reaction out of them, it was only logical to start wondering how they were feeling now that the movie was underway, the theatrical trailers already racking up hits in the millions wherever you looked. It was only logical to imagine they were pretty pissed. And, them being who they were, the next step in that logic chain was a desire to see just how far they could push that anger.

…well shit. Maybe it was kind of a joke, after all. One where morbid was still the operative term.

---

“This isn’t funny.” For all the things the years had changed, Emily’s sense of humor had apparently remained untouched. She was the picture of indignation as she sat on one side of the cable car, arms folded tightly across her chest and one leg crossed tightly over the other, everything about her wound tighttighttight. One wrong move and she was either going to come down on them all like a spring-loaded bear trap, rending flesh and tearing out chunks wherever she could, or…or…she was going to crumble to dust like a cookie left on the counter for too long.

Proving they were older now, more mature, most of them chose not to press the issue.

And, proving the truth behind the old adage ‘the more things change, the more they stay the same,’ Mike did. “Oh, is it not, Em? Is this not funny? Hang on, hold up, maybe I’m not the sharpest tool in the box anymore, but hey, could you maybe explain to me what part of us showing up here isn’t hilarious?”

“Guys,” Matt said just like that – one word, voice low, eyes lower. He’d been the one to take the longest deciding where to sit, and it was clear now he was regretting his choice. Next to Emily, next to Jess, their side of the cable car felt distinctly defensive.

All in the same place again, it was too easy for the old, forgotten things to rear their heads, amity and enmity both. There they were, the ones who’d merely survived that night all those years ago, their backs to the pane of glass showing the summit growing closer and closer…and there, across from them, watching Blackwood Pines come haltingly into view like they could intimidate it into nonexistence, were Mike and Sam. The capital-S Survivors. The ones who hadn’t run but had instead dug their heels in and killed before they could be killed.

“No, seriously, I want to know what’s not to laugh about here,” Mike pressed, tone friendly enough but posture changing to imitate Emily’s in a juvenile attempt to rile her further. He waited until he saw it had worked – and it had – to keep going. “A bunch of banged-up, emotionally stunted morons heading to a New Year’s Eve party that may or may not actually be happening in a ski lodge that burnt down seven years ago, hosted by the asshole who nearly got them all killed and said asshole’s shitty fanclub, and you can’t think of a thing to laugh about? Not one single thing, Em? Not one?” Sam set her hand on his arm and most of the fight went out of him. He sat back against the cable car’s bench, flexing his hand and massaging the space where he’d had knuckles, once. “Maybe you gotta loosen up a little, that’s all I’m saying.”

On Matt’s other side, Jess sat with her cheek pressed against cold metal. She murmured something too quietly to be heard, her hands hidden deep in the sleeves of her fur-lined jacket, her eyes distant and unfocused like she was staring through the cable car itself, watching the trees below them shrink to specks, then memories, then nothing at all.

“Hmm?”

“The monsters,” she repeated after a time, the golden afternoon light going dark as they reached the summit and slid into the station. “I said don’t forget about the monsters.”

“Ah, right, thanks Jess. And the mountain where said ski lodge burnt down seven years ago? Yeah, it’s sorta-kinda got one of those pesky cannibalistic, shark-toothed monster infestation problems.” There was a ker-chunk! that rattled the frame of the cable car as its door unlocked, and decorum be damned, Mike stood and pushed past the rest of them to be the first one out. “Ask me, the whole thing’s fucking hilarious. Who does that, right? Who just willingly walks into a trap? We should be laughing – you know they are.”

Already Emily was hot on his heels, stomping out of the car after him in a show that felt so eerily familiar to the rest of them that they had to sit for a moment longer, if only to shake off the chill of déjà vu. “It’s not funny, Michael,” she said again, giving his arm a shove most unbefitting someone of her standing (those days, anyway). “You think I want to be here? You think I didn’t have a million better, safer, parties I could’ve gone to, tonight?”

He turned, but that was mostly just to check Sam was coming – he barely met Emily’s eyes. “Uh huh. And yet here you are.”

“I’m here,” she snapped, “because apparently it’s the 1950’s again, and the only way to talk to these assholes is to be in the same room as them. They don’t answer their emails, they’ve all probably changed their phone numbers twenty times, and if I get one more passive-aggressively cheery message from their slimy PR guy spitting legal jargon at me, I’ll – ”

“You’ll…what, Em? Drink all their merlot and eat all their frilly little appetizers?” He held the door open as the others filed past, only then dropping his eyes to hers. “They wrote a book. Big whoop.”

“They wrote a book about me,” she corrected him, her mouth wrinkling into a frown when he quickly corrected her.

“A book about us. Yeah. Know what? They did. They wrote a book about us, and now they’re making a movie about us, and with the way the world’s been spinning lately, that probably means there’ll be a whole cinematic universe about us before too long. Know what else? It’s a free fucking country and the three of them are already richer than God, thanks to that shitstain’s dad, so you tell me what you’re gonna do about it.” Holding her gaze, he swept an arm out to guide her towards the others.

“Then why are you here?” Instead of leaving the station she stood there, resolute, folding her arms again. Her glove-leather creaked in the cold. “Sorry, but I find it hard to believe that you don’t have some macho motivation for showing up when you could’ve just stayed at home and gotten blasted on your couch watching ESPN highlights.”

“You know, I really missed you too.”

She ignored him. “So if you’re not here to grab them by the scruff and shake them around a little because of the movie thing, then what is it? You’ve piqued my curiosity.”

“I – ” he began, only for Sam to poke her head in, flashing them both a look that toed the line between impatience and sympathy. “I know, I know, we’re coming.” Mike gestured a second time, and when Emily still didn’t budge, he began edging his way out, the door slowly swinging shut with him until she had no choice but to grab hold of it herself. “I’m here to call their bluff,” he said simply, yanking the hood of his coat up as he stepped into the snowy clearing. He tried not to look around for too long, tried to pretend Jess wasn’t right there, tried to forget that once they’d just been a couple of kids having a snowball fight out in the middle of nowhere. If he started getting sentimental and wobbly-kneed now, there’d be no coming back from it.

“Calling their bluff,” Emily repeated, eyeing him with an almost nostalgic sort of suspicion. “On what?”

“On being here at all.” Once they were a group again, at least in the loosest sense of the word, Matt switching his weight from leg to leg as he inspected the path, Jess staring off into the distance with her fuzzy earmuffs dancing in the wind, Sam hovering between everyone like the world’s most agitated referee, Mike spread his arms wide. “You guys don’t get it, do you? There’s no party. There’s no lodge. We know that, okay? We know that. Three of us saw it burn to the fucking ground. This is just another prank, another way to twist the knife. They’re sitting back at home, laughing their asses off as they imagine how grey our faces turned when we got those stupid invites. ‘Hey friends and fans, you’re invited to the 9th annual Blackwood Winter Getaway’? For real? They think we crumpled those things up and trashed them the second we got them, and now our nights are going to be ruined. They think we’re at whatever-the-fuck other party we had, or work event, or date night, or whatever the hell, nursing champagne on a sick stomach and a tension headache because we’re thinking about this place again.”

“Mike,” Sam said, sounding an awful lot like Matt had back in the cable car. Low, slow, cautious.

“Well fuck them. Sun’s up, and I’m not scared of this place.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked a rock out of the icy crust beneath his boots. “I’m calling their stupid fucking bluff. They’re not winning this game.”

They watched as he stomped off, and once he overtook him as leader of the pack (so to speak), Matt shook his head. “I really don’t think any of this is what I’d call a game, man…”

Then you don’t know Josh. Sam took a deep breath in, held the smell of clean air and pine needles in her chest until it made her eyes water, then squared her shoulders and followed after Mike. She’d almost said it aloud but managed to tamp it down in time, simply flashing the rest of them a tight smile as they set down the familiar trail. It kept playing over in her head, though, an earworm she couldn’t shake out: If this doesn’t sound like a game to you, then you don’t know him at all.

Then again, she’d never really been an expert on the subject, herself.

---

“…this isn’t funny.” Mike that time, the slouching of his shoulders the closest thing Emily was going to get to an apology. He stood staring at what waited for them at the end of the winding path, his face flushed from the cold but quickly losing color with each passing second the lodge didn’t dissipate into a mirage.

None of the others said anything, not for a while at least; without meaning to, those old lines in the sand resurfaced once more, Sam and Emily both moving to flank Mike as they took in the sight, leaving Jess and Matt off to the side. As afternoon gave way to evening and the sun began to dip below the trees, the light shifted and sent them hurtling back through time until all that was missing was the heat of the fire on their faces and the sound of Chris and Ashley catching their breath over by the picnic table.

Surprising none of them, it was Sam who took the first step over the invisible line, forcing herself out of the then and into the now. She held her head high as she went, hoping she could trick herself into confidence and very quickly realized she could not – not as the lodge came into focus and she found she couldn’t spot a single difference between it and the original. There were no shutters out of place, no windows set at subtly skewed angles. The shape, the silhouette, the paint, the bricks and wood and glass and gutters, everything was exactly as it had been before the fire.

For one horrendous moment, silent and shared, more than one of them felt doubt flicker behind their eyes.

There had been a fire…right?

“Bluff called, huh?” As she followed Sam, Emily didn’t deign to look at Mike. She did, however, slow her step to let Jess pass her by, feigning annoyance so no one could accuse her of pity.

They climbed the stairs slowly, some out of fear of ice (reasonable), others of traps hidden just below the snow (more reasonable still), more than one worried they’d step through them and tumble to the ground, lost in some sort of trauma-spawned hallucination (possibly the most reasonable of all); when they made it to the top, finding themselves facing the front door, it was dread that fogged the air between them.

This was all becoming too much. Whatever they’d expected when the invitations had arrived, this hadn’t been it.

It was Sam who knocked first, but it was Emily who knocked loudest, shouldering her way to the front of the group when the door didn’t immediately swing open.

“What did I tell you?” Mike asked from the back, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jacket—still woefully too thin for the mountain air, if the way he kept swaying side to side was anything to go by. “They’re not actually here. They’re back under whatever fucking rock they chose, laughing their asses off imagining us staring at this place and shaking in our boots. None of them ever had the guts to—”

That was, of course, the moment Ashley opened the door, letting a warm gust of air out onto the landing. “Oh my gosh,” she smiled, the words made almost reverent by how slowly she spoke them, letting a whole beat pass between each one. Her hair was longer than any of them remembered, laying over one shoulder in a lazy, uneven braid. A wine-colored duster draped over her shirt and jeans, and her fingers toyed with the cuffs of its sleeves, just a little too long for her.

The nostalgia wasn’t eerie anymore, it was dizzying.

“Three, four, fi…wow. Oh wow. Hi guys! C’mon in, holy cow, you must be freezing!” Even Emily was shocked into silence as Ashley stepped back and held the door open for them, waving a hand to usher them in. “Go ahead and put your boots anywhere, no way the mat’s big enough for everyone, so don’t even worry about it. Oh! And the coat closet…” She caught herself, laughing brightly, and rolled her eyes at herself. “Who am I kidding, you guys know where everything is. Can I get anyone something to drink? We’ve got, like, everything.”

“Gross oversimplification of the actual drink sitch.” Chris came walking out from the great room, then, the years clearly having done nothing to extinguish his appreciation for graphic t-shirts and layered hoodies. Those who knew what to look for noticed the way he favored his right leg—the ones who didn’t, well, didn’t. “We’ve got everything in a broad sense, maybe…”

“Here we go.”

“I-I-I mean, look, we’ve got all the main groups covered. We got your juices, your caffeinated beverages, your alcoholic beverages, your fake-milks…no water, though. Huh. Feels like an oversight, doesn’t it?”

“Shush.” Still beaming, Ashley flicked a hand towards Chris, glancing to the others. “Ignore him. Seriously. This’ll shock you, I’m sure, but someone still thinks he’s hilarious.”

“Ouch. In front of our company, Ash? In front of our guests? You wound me.” He laughed, grinning the same doofy grin he’d had as a teenager, and only after Ashley headed deeper into the lodge did he reach for Matt’s coat. “Here, man, let me.” If he noticed the way Emily visibly flinched away from him, he didn’t let on. He simply took Matt’s coat and hooked it onto a hanger, setting it with the others in the closet.

“Chris,” Sam started, because no one else was about to.

“Mhm?”

She waited until he met her gaze. “What is this?”

“Uhhh…a…looodge?” His eyebrows contorted like she was the one being weird and he couldn’t figure out her game. “Which is a kind of house, I guess? But more like a hotel, almost? It’s…okay, imagine that a house and a hotel had a baby. That. It’s that.”

“Ha ha ha,” Mike cut in, entirely sans mirth of any recognizable sort. “She meant what are we doing here? What are you doing here?” It wouldn’t have been right to say he rounded on Chris as he said it, not exactly, but it wasn’t too far off. In the old days, that would’ve been enough to shake him, to send him stepping back with hands up defensively. He tried not to let surprise color his face, then, when Chris didn’t budge.

If anything, he only scrunched his eyebrows again, saying without words that they were the ones making this strange. “Did you…not read the invite, dude? It’s a New Year’s Eve party. We’re here to, y’know,” he let the pause stretch for a moment longer than needed, “party like we’re fucking pornstars.” Without dropping Mike’s gaze, he swept an arm out, welcoming the gang past him, out towards the great room where Ashley had gone off to.

It was Matt who led the way that time, feeling less an intrepid hero and more a sick man leading the dying; the lodge hadn’t been where the worst had happened to him, after all, and when it had finally gone up in flame, he’d been none the wiser until a grim-faced police officer had (repeatedly) grilled him on his involvement. The sight of the place didn’t fill him with the same sort of queasiness it did most of the others—he didn’t like it, didn’t appreciate how it felt so much like stepping back in time, but his knees didn’t go weak like Emily’s, and his jaw didn’t go tight like Mike’s.

“It’s crazy, right?” Ashley grinned when she caught them staring, and though she must’ve known—she had to have—she acted as if their eyes had gone wide from wonder. Awe. “It took forever to get it just right. I mean…for. Ev. Er. A lot of the art and tapestries and stuff, ugh, don’t even get me started. We were just so lucky Josh’s mom kept the contact info from the artists she’d commissioned the first time. Oh, um, obviously you’ll notice there’s one glaring difference, but…” She stood below the spot where the awful tangled-metal sculpture had hung, once upon a time, her hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed with thought. “Too many bad memories attached to that one. We figured we could do without.”

“That’s what got you, huh?” Emily’s voice was edged, brittle, threatening to snap off in the first thing that wandered too close.

Ashley turned around, her smile never wavering, but before she could say whatever it was she’d meant to, she sucked in a breath and took a step forward. “Ooh, Jess! Hang on, I wouldn’t!”

As though she’d set off a firework beside her head, Jess all but jumped up from her crouch, pale-faced and breathing hard, her hands clenched to fists at her sides. The cat she’d been kneeling to pet hissed at the sudden movement, shooting across the room like a dusty grey bullet.

“Sorry, sorry! That’s, um…well, that’s Jack,” Ashley said in that same tour-guide voice, laughing apologetically and gesturing back towards Chris. “He’s a Maine Coon…a rescue…and…kiiind of a bastard. I didn’t mean to spook you, it’s just, um, he bites. Hard. Unless you’re Chris.”

“Mhm,” he agreed, picking the huge, mangy thing up from where it had wended itself between his legs. “Then he only bites sort of hard. It’s kind of our thing.” Briefly, he held the cat up for the others to see, and one of its ragged ears twitched, its one eye a bright, sickly yellow as it took them in. “Jerk kills spiders like it’s his job, though, so we keep him around.”

“No.” There wasn’t a living being in the room that didn’t turn to Emily at the sound of her voice. She advanced on Ashley like Mike had on Chris before, and was similarly surprised (but undaunted) when she didn’t immediately cower away like a skittish chipmunk. “I’m not doing this.”

“…not doing…what, exactly?”

“This. Any of it. I don’t know what you freaks think you’re up to here, inviting us to this place and then acting like everything’s totally fucking normal, like this—like any of this—” There she spread her arms wide, gesturing to the lodge at large, “could ever be normal, but I’m not doing it! The only reason I came here was to give you psychopaths a piece of my mind, and—”

“We gonna have to split you kids up?” From somewhere below them, a door shut. Footsteps, sure and solid, grew nearer and nearer until Josh came cresting the stairs from the lower floor, the picture of slow-burning delight. Continuing the pattern Chris and Ashley had started, he looked the same as ever, his jeans artfully ripped at the knees, the sleeves of his dark shirt rolled up to the crooks of his elbows. It was only the scars that gave the years away, the ones that pocked the left side of his face in the places where the rot had sunk in too deeply.

When he grinned, though, those scars became dimples.

“Oooh, and the crowd…goes…silent,” he snickered, wiping his hands off on his jeans before leaning against the railing, getting a good eyeful of the gang. “I’ve been told I have that effect on people. But please, please! Don’t let me interrupt. I know once you get on a tear, it’s hard, nigh impossible, to work you down from it, so, by all means.” He gave a low bow, waving his arms every which way as he deferred to Emily. “Keep going! Anyone who doesn’t want to listen is more than free, by the bye, to go check out the guest cabin.”

Jess and Mike bristled as one, but one more than the other.

She’d been so quiet until that point, so docile…however, at the mere mention of the guest cabin, Jess burst to life, turning on her heel and marching out of the great room the same way they’d all come. Matt and Sam were quick to dash after her, both offering hushed reassurances, but she just shook her head and kept on shaking it, saying nothing.

Josh’s eyes slid to Ashley, then to Chris, then to no one in particular. “Man, if you guys are feeling this jumpy, I’ll warn you right now, you should steer clear of the basement at all costs.” His head bobbled back and forth for a second like he was thinking about it, the corners of his lips quirking up into a smirk at once perfectly familiar and completely alien. “Probably didn’t need me to tell you that, huh? Didn’t think any of you guys would be, y’know, champin’ at the bit to get down there, but better safe than sorry. Got some pet projects down there you’re not gonna want to stumble across.”

“Pet projects?” Mike remarked, tone not cool so much as arctic. “That what you’re calling your little serial killer nest now?”

Josh’s grin didn’t falter. Not even slightly. “Animatronic prototypes,” he enunciated carefully.

“Think…Five Nights at Freddy’s but a little less friendly,” Chris snickered, the monstrous cat in his arms butting its head up against his chin, purring (growling?) almost loudly enough to be heard over the heating. “Five Nights at Blackwood Lodge. Now there’s an idea!”

“No,” Ashley said with a smile and a sigh that suggested a long-running joke none of them were privy to. “We’ve had the jumpscare discussion. We’re not doing it.”

“We’re doing some.”

“Slow-building dread. Not surprise, not disgust…slow. Building. Dread.”

Neither of them had been able to imagine a reality where they found themselves on the same side that night, and yet even so, Mike and Emily’s eyes met as the other three joked and acted as they always had—more interested in their own bullshit than anything else. The inner language the two of them might’ve shared once had long since fizzled away to ashes, but one didn’t have to be a mind reader to know what the other was thinking.

A door slammed somewhere, and when Sam reappeared in the great room, cold clung to her as if she’d been standing out on the stoop for some time. “Jess left,” she said to all of them, or maybe none of them, or maybe just herself. She rubbed her hands together to will some sort of warmth back into her fingers.

“Alone?!”

“No. Matt too. They’re headed for the cable car, they were trying to call the bus service—”

“The sun’s going down, and they’re going to—”

“They’ll be fine,” Josh cut in, walking his fingers across Ashley’s shoulders as he passed her by, plunking down on the end of the huge L-shaped sectional in the middle of the room. “Mountain’s empty. I mean, unless any of you are planning on eating someone and starting the whole mess up again.” He laced his fingers behind his head, pointedly dropped his smirk, and narrowed his eyes. “None of you…are planning on eating anyone while you’re up here, right? I know I’m not. So, like I said. They’ll be fine.”

“Aw man,” Chris said a moment later, glancing towards the dining room. “They didn’t take their goodie bags. Bummer.”

Before any of them could react to that, Ashley clapped her hands together once. “So! Drinks? Who wants what?”

---

Time didn’t take the fight out of Emily—confusion, however, dulled it to something vague and stinging. She didn’t touch the food that was offered to her, didn’t even consider sipping at the champagne they’d popped. That would’ve been giving in, would’ve been folding, and she hadn’t come all that way to brush this shit under the rug.

Mike and Sam, however, had taken a slightly different approach. He was doing his damnedest to eat them out of house and home, by the looks of it, and she was busy, as ever, playing peacemaker.

The only thing they seemed to have in common was how little they were willing to trust the others’ intentions. They sat stiffly on one end of the couch, muscles clenched and ready for the moment where they’d have to spring to action, dodge, duck, weave, escape, flee…

Except darkness fell and nothing nefarious happened. Unless you counted Chris’s attempts at playing the piano.

And then midnight came and nothing devious transpired. Nothing worse than Josh’s nonsensical toasts, anyway.

Then the witching hour approached and there hadn’t been so much as a single prank pulled. Ashley had said there was Sprite in the fridge and it had turned out to be 7Up, but even that had seemed to be an earnest mistake.

For all intents and purposes, it seemed like…it seemed like they hadn’t planned anything, that this was just supposed to be a New Year’s Eve party and nothing more. There was no laughing at their expense, no veiled looks or sidelong smirks when they thought they weren’t looking, no collapsing floorboards or rusty old saws or animatronic monsters leaping out of the basement shrieking as loud as they could. Just food and drink and recaps of the New Year’s specials playing on the tv.

“I don’t know how you guys are, uh…doing things these days,” Josh said with a flicker of his old mischief once he’d spotted the first yawns going around, “but you know where the rooms are. Take as many as you want, one, two, three, go crazy. I promise all the old faves are still there. The trophy bass room, the antler room, the Pepto-Bismol room, the one with the ugly drapes…”

“They’re all the one with the ugly drapes,” Sam said without thinking, then pressed her lips together in a hard line as she noticed the others’ grins.

“Which one has the fewest perv cameras hidden in the walls?” Emily folded her arms across her chest, then dropped them, then pushed herself up from the couch with a huff. She hadn’t expected an actual answer, not from them, so she didn’t wait for one, instead insisting, “I’m taking Hannah’s room.”

Josh blinked once slowly, turning his head to follow her as she headed for the stairs. “Which one? Upstairs, or…?” He let it trail off, the rest of his thought, but his eyes momentarily slid down towards the darkness leading to the lower floor. To the guest room where they’d played their own prank, once upon a time. “Oh, upstairs. Okay,” he said just as easily, shrugging as she started up. “Happy New Year!”

“Happy New Year!” Chris and Ashley chimed in, him lying flat on the sectional’s cushions with his head on Josh’s lap, her swinging her legs in the air as she sat on its arm. “Yeah, but no, seriously though,” Chris continued, propping himself up on his elbows to look towards Sam and Mike. “There something going on with you two? Cuz, I-I-I don’t wanna presume or anything, but I’ll tell ya, there’s a vibe going on here, and—”

A BANG! so loud it shook the foundation of the lodge itself rang out, causing Sam and Mike both to jump out of their skin. If it hadn’t been for the way the other three startled as well, they might’ve taken it as their cue to leave, little as either of them had any interest in venturing out into the snowy darkness. It took the echoes for the noise to make sense.

Ashley rolled her eyes, not without good humor, and sighed through her nose before standing. “I’ll go make sure she has everything she needs,” she said, smoothing her duster down her sides and following Emily up the stairs to Hannah’s room. It was actually something of a shock that she hadn’t cracked the doorframe, slamming it like that. She knocked, barely tapping her knuckle against the door, and it swung inward as though Emily had been waiting.

“What?”

Her eyebrows went up as she caught a glimpse of the room beyond, already well on its way to ruin despite how little time they’d been apart. “Do you…want some help?”

Emily didn’t bother answering, instead turning and going right back to what she’d been doing before, pulling paintings and pictures from the walls, pressing her nails to the mirror and shining her phone’s flashlight into all the dark corners. “No one buys it.” She kept her voice clipped. “That goody-goody crap? Didn’t buy it then, definitely don’t buy it now, so unless you’re here to point out exactly where you boobytrapped the bed, I’m gonna need you to get the fuck out of my space.”

“The…bed,” Ashley repeated, taking a casual step into the room like proving beyond doubt that she didn’t need permission. “I mean, I can help you strip it if you want? But it’s…just a bed. The mattress came discounted with a code from a podcast, so like, I can’t promise goose-down or anything, but still.”

It wasn’t the words that did it—her tone was more than enough. Emily whirled on her, the light of her phone doing what her glare couldn’t and sending Ashley stumbling back a step. “You have some nerve, do you get that? You have some fucking nerve. You take all that awful, horrible, ugly shit that happened to us, you fold it up into a cute little story, you move in with the maniac who nearly got us all killed in the first place, and you have the audacity to make me out to be the bitch! Me! Like I deserved to be—”

Whether Ashley held her hands up to block the light from her eyes or to get Emily to stop talking was anyone’s guess. “Wait, I’m…I’m sorry, you’re tearing the room apart because I…put a mean character in my book?”

“Don’t you act like—”

“Emily…” She rubbed at her eyes then, turning her head away from the flashlight. “Look, sorry if you didn’t like the book or whatever, but—”

“Didn’t like the book,” she repeated. “Didn’t. Like. The. Book. You know what, Ashley? No, no I did not like the book. I did not like the book that you wrote about us almost dying. I did not like how you wrote said fucking book without any of our permission. And, while we’re on the subject, no, I did not like how you wrote me out to be some sort of monstrous bitch when you’re the one who was begging Mike to shoot me in the head!”

There was color in Ashley’s cheeks and on the tips of her ears, but it was a far cry from the shaking, cowering mess she’d expected. Too much time with Josh, she had to figure; not that Chris seemed to be any better.

As she watched, Ashley took a deep breath in and let it out through pursed lips. “Okay,” she said, sounding not at all as cowed as Emily would’ve liked, “well I’m sorry you weren’t a fan. And I’m sorry you didn’t like the character you seem to think I based on you.”

She couldn’t even get words out that time—the statement was so inane, so insulting, so close to the legalese loopholes their shitty PR manager Conrad was constantly feeding to her, that all she could do was bark out an indignant laugh.

“But if we’re dredging stuff up, let me ask you something: Do you remember grabbing me by my shirt, down there in cinema? Do you remember throwing me to those things? Pushing me in front of them? Shoving me back while I was trying to run away?” She took another few steps into the room until they were standing nearly nose-to-nose, and as she blinked into Emily’s eyes, there was nothing in her expression, hateful or otherwise. “I remember it. I think you probably do, too. I also think, in the grand scheme of things, making you a bitch in my book was the nicest way to make us even for that. Other ideas were bounced around.”

Emily grit her jaw to the point of discomfort.

Ashley, though…she turned the corners of her mouth up. “There are extra sheets in the linen closet,” she smiled. “Sleep tight.”

---

When they woke up the next morning, she was already gone. There was no question it’d been of her own volition, not with all the furniture overturned as it was, her coat and boots leaving noticeable gaps in the closet and mat. It’d been a miracle she’d lasted that long anyway, they figured. The fact she hadn’t stormed off with Matt and Jess the night before was nothing short of a wonder.

They sat at the kitchen island in the relative silence of the place, trying their best to pretend they didn’t remember the last time they’d done it. It wasn’t hard to do—they knew where Hannah and Beth were, this morning. They knew where everyone else was, too.

“And then there were two.” Josh yawned widely, doing nothing to cover it up. He stepped around their stools to flip the coffeepot on, then rolled his neck until something popped. “Now, how did I know it would be you two, who’d stick around?”

“You didn’t,” Chris cut in, dropping himself into an empty stool at the island and removing his glasses, rubbing a smudge away with the sleeve of the shirt he’d slept in. “You said it’d just be Sam.”

He flapped a hand like he was making a sock puppet talk. “Details.” He stepped out of the kitchen again, grabbing onto the doorjamb and leaning far as he could towards the dining room. “For the love of…Cochise, you are not gonna believe this shit…”

“She did not.”

“She did!”

“Ash is gonna pee her pants, she’s gonna laugh so hard…”

“Ash? Forget Ash, I’m about to need a new pair myself. She took her goodie bag before stomping off, holy shit…can’t leave without that swag, now can we?”

Neither Mike nor Sam said a word to any of that, both of them just sitting, just listening, just blearily blinking the sleep out of their eyes. It wasn’t until Josh came back, slouching comfortably in the stool next to Chris’s with both elbows on the table, that Sam found her voice.

“What was the point, guys?” she asked, setting her chin on her hand. It wasn’t a new question, far from it in fact, but she’d been the only one to ask it in a level tone of voice, so it stood to reason she was the only one who got an actual answer.

“Of what? Inviting you guys here for a kickass New Year’s Eve bash?” Chris chuckled, sliding his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “C’mooon…maybe we just wanted to party like it’s 1999. Er, 2014. Wait, uh, shit, whoops, I meant 2015. Hang on, I’ll get this, I meant—”

Josh nudged him with his shoulder, the two of them snickering in the same way they always had. “What was the point, huh Sammy? What…was…the…point.” He smiled at her, then at Mike, and it wasn’t a cruel one, or a jeering one, or even one they felt was meant to be mocking. It was just a smile, nothing more, nothing less. And somehow that was worse. “I’ll level with you guys, brave heroes that you are and all. Honestly, we just wanted to see if you’d show up.”

Mike’s mouth tightened. He swallowed hard. “Called your bluff, huh?”

“That you did, dreamboat. That you did.” When the coffeepot dinged, Josh pushed himself up again, grunting with effort. He started getting mugs down from the cupboard, then started laughing anew. “Funny how some shit never changes, isn’t it?”

[highschoolrealityff]

Chapter 25

Kambria 

I was tired of holding in the secret that could not only ruin my life but HIS. He has ignored me for a month and a few weeks. I’m tired of this! He was actually getting into me and SHE just had to ruin the chance for us to see what we’ve could of been. Call me delusional maybe but what Chris and I had was growing into potential. I feel so alone in this mess that I created. I just wanted him to notice and like me for myself. I don’t have anyone to talk to. Keisha turned her back on me. I can’t even talk to my mom. I’m literally alone. Lately, I feel so sick and can’t keep anything down. I gotta figure out what I’m going to do.

As I’m combing through my thoughts on what to do. Nothing seems to be the right thing to do. I told him the news and it’s like he could care less. I want him to care!

“Kam! Are you heading to school baby girl?” My dad yelled out to me. I was not in a mood to go to face everyone especially Chris. We needed to come up with a solution to this problem he helped create. “Kam!” Dad yelled out to me. “I’m coming! I’m heading out now!” I yelled back. I couldn’t stop looking at my reflection in the mirror as my former flat stomach was growing a small little bump. I am no where near ready to tell my dad so I’m going to hold my own secret until I can’t. 

I pulled a hoodie over myself and slid on my crocs. I wanted to be comfortable but also not play into looking pregnant. 

~~~

The bell rang as I walked up to the quad. I could see them on my right. Just laughing it up and having a good time. I am not going to lie. I’m heated. I needed to have a conversation with Chris. I’m going to make that happen no matter what. He has to speak to me. It’s important for the future.

Chris

“Just make sure you don’t die this time!” Mike yelled as he laughed. We had let the girls smoke with us and Mallory’s baby ass lung couldn’t hang. It was funny how slummed she was last night. As everyone in the group laughed. I couldn’t help but think about my short conversation with Kambria. There couldn’t be anyway I got her pregnant. I would of remembered having sex. Let alone with Kambria. I kept thinking about it. Even if it was a possibility. I’d never be like my dead beat father. I snapped out of my thoughts and saw Kambria heading towards me angrily. “Fuck man” I mumbled to myself. I had to dead this situation before it blew up to everyone. I caught her attention by pointing over to the empty tables that were out of sight. “Hey man. I’ll be right back” I said said to Mike. He nodded and went back to talking to the group. 

~~~

“We need to talk again Chris” Kambria said as she tightly crossed her arms around her chest. “Yeah we really do. I’m confused” I said. “Well like I told you the other night. I’m pregnant” She said as her eyes tried to search mine for a reaction. I had nothing to give her. I wasn’t going to believe her because I know for sure I didn’t fuck her. “Respectfully Kambria. I mean this with the upmost respect. I did not have sex with you” I simply said as her face dropped and tears filled inside her eyes. “I can’t fucking believe you!” She yelled loudly. 

“Cut that shit out!” I snapped at her. I didn’t need this kind of attention flooding around me. “All you have to do is be there for your soon child. I’m not asking for much” She cried as she held onto herself. “I am telling you the truth! It’s not my baby” I flatly said. This conversation wasn’t going anywhere. I can’t even remember going to her house. Kambria stormed away as tears fell from her eyes. I felt bad but that truth I can’t accept. Especially because it’s not true. 

Kadence

I can’t even fantom what was going on between Chris and Kambria. Whatever that conversation was about. It had ole girl pressed. I wasn’t going to address what was going on because Chris and I barely got back on good terms. I don’t want to jeopardize what we’re currently building towards. “Hey ya’ll I’m about to head to class. I’ll link up with ya’ll at lunch” I said as I walked away with so many questions. As I was walking to first period, my phone was already buzzing. I ignored my phone and opened the door to the classroom. “Good Morning Kadence” My teacher brightly greeted. “Good Morning Ms. Henderson” I replied as I sat down in the desk I normally sat in daily. My thoughts were crashing all at once. 

“Earth to Kade” Keisha waved in front of my face as she laughed. I shook myself out of the haze I was in. “What’s up girl?” I asked as I pulled my binder and pencil case out. “I was trying to get your attention. I’m good” She said as she sat at the desk on my left. “Girl I’m just all in my head about Chris” I honestly admitted. “What’s going on now with his light skinned ass” She laughed as she started scrolling on her phone. “Nothing really. I saw him chatting with Kambria’s sneaky ass” I said as I checked my phone as well. “I thought he ended that situation girl” Keisha said as she raised her eyebrow. “Look that’s his problem” I said shrugging and brushing it out. “Good morning class. Let’s get started on this week’s lesson” Ms. Henderson loudly said as we turned to pay attention. 

“Today we will be learning about attachment theory and it components” Ms. Henderson announced. I wasn’t in the mood for Psychology class. Although it was one of my favorite classes. Today was not it. I need to check in with Chris. 

I just hate how much I care.  

[impossiblemakerfire]

The Okinawa Belly Fat Tonic Recipe Reviews - Does The Okinawa Belly Tonic Work

This article is about the okinawa belly fat tonic recipe reviews - does the okinawa belly tonic work? Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic is a nutritional supplement powder that claims to encourage weight reduction using an ancient Japanese drink recipe that melts body fats and reasons for expanded metabolism benefits.Striking a stability between effectiveness and ease-of-use has constantly been a priority of complement manufacturers and reviewers alike. No one wants to choke down horrible-tasting dietary supplements as soon as each day with a purpose to gain the health advantages they’ve been promised. At the same time, there’s little public interest in ineffective supplements that flavor correct but provide little on the subject of measurable blessings to well-being. Okinawa belly fat tonic ingredients. The most successful supplements in our minds are people who combine an easy and clean-to-digest system with a litany of powerful ingredients. Click Here to Buy Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic for the Lowest Price Online with Massive Discounts Today! The Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic is being presented as the right convergence of convenience with efficiency. The formula is seemingly filled with “powerful antioxidants,” and it comes with a scrumptious taste. The concept has been around for generations, and the Flat Belly Tonic internet site makes no try to disguise this truth. Just blend the complement in with water and experience in the morning. Sounds easy, proper? The bulk of our paintings today concerned a deep-dive into the studies in the back of key components used in this weight loss complement. The Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic internet site claims that its main complement can help users to gain “metabolic support,” as well as decrease stages of inflammation and more healthy energy degrees all through the day. These are some lofty claims; upgrades to both power and inflammation will be existence-changing for a number of our readers. This is why we took extraordinary care to cautiously vet all of the fitness-associated claims on the legitimate product website for this complement. https://www.youtube.com/embed/gLGezbcIz5Q It’s essential to recognise that you ought to in no way expect a supplement to do all the work for you. Losing weight is a simple matter; burning more energy than you devour will imply that you lose weight. However, metabolism is an underlying influencer of the way much weight you’ll probably lose throughout your recovery. Additionally, infection could make it harder to workout continually, whilst low energy degrees can similarly smash the exercising enjoyment for purchasers. By addressing each of these huge obstacles, answers like the Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic have the capability to trade the path of any weight reduction recurring. By taking Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic day by day, you could purportedly experience large weight loss effects. You blend one scoop of the Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic with water or a shake, then drink it daily to revel in numerous blessings. Developed by Mike Banner, the Flat Belly Tonic recipe is to be fed on before 10am every single morning to allow height performance in terms of metabolism and fats burning capabilities at the side of some dietary tips outlined in the Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic guide. There are masses of effective weight loss drink recipes and fats burning nutritional supplements to be had nowadays that promise easy weight loss, so what makes the Flat Belly Tonic recipe any distinct? okinawa belly fat tonic review,  While this Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic evaluation weighs out the professionals and cons much better than different faux client reviews, it's going to cover now not simplest the megastar of the show in the Flat Belly Tonic drink recipe, however also the five publications. Those being the ●      21-Day Flat Belly Manual: 47-web page eBook PDF guide approximately converting to a healthy diet with weight reduction management via kitchen gear and pearls of wisdom ●      Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic Drinks: Mike Banner's CRP Lowering Smoothie Tonics (Herbal Teas and Drink Recipes that Lower C-REACTIVE PROTEIN) ●      Quick Start Nutrition Plan Guide: 22-page downloadable PDF eBook on foremost food consumption in conjunction with every week by means of week meal plan diet (with films) ●      one hundred Flat Belly Recipes for Burning Fat: 126-web page PDF guide with 15 breakfast recipes, 20 lunch menu food, over forty dinner thoughts (with meat and vegetarian friendly), and even healthy snacks and desserts ●      Energy Boosting Smoothies: 26-page Flat Belly Tonic recipes to make your very own smoothie beverages like inexperienced protein shakes, along with specific fruit, veggie, seed and nut combinations with visible photos and dosages mapped out for my part (virtually pretty spectacular list of undying healthful smoothie recipes all people can revel in with everyday complete foods) This Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic review will cowl all of them in enormous detail without gifting away the meat and potatoes. To buy the actual Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic drink powder and get all the helping Flat Belly Tonic recipes and weight reduction manuals listed above, absolutely visit the reputable website at FlatBellyTonic.Com these days. But for the ones no longer geared up to make a buy yet, do no longer pass anywhere but due to the fact there are lots of critical statistics to cover first. Those asking whether or not or not the Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic is yet some other disappointing food plan supplement or indeed a worthy fat burning weight loss supplement are doing what you're supposed to do given the newly formulated Japanese drink tonic recipe. But is it actually a shortcut to easy weight reduction by using the use of the Flat Belly Tonic weight reduction drink powder to set off the grasp fats burning hormone to convert the meals you devour into power in place of extra garage in fats cells? Let’s take a better study of the reality of how Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic works and display what the raw studies tell us approximately about the superfood drink powder elements found in the Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic supplement.

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What is Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic?

Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic is coined as a science-based totally breakthrough in phrases of being a healthy weight loss and digestion supplement that makes use of a robust dose of plant-primarily based natural extracts, probiotics, polyphenols, nutrients, and minerals to target stomach fats. The actual Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic powder says its natural components comprise 3 Billion CFU and is formulated to promote healthy weight management and digestion while boosting power and energy. The writer of Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic, Mike Banner, became stimulated by the way of the Japanese island of Okinawa. He purportedly visited Okinawa and “had a nutrient-dense, powerful fats-demolishing drink that caused stepped forward healthcare for him inside out.” Now, with Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic, he desires to share that formulation with the arena. The makers of Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic describe the supplement as an easy and effective weight reduction solution. By taking the system day by day, you could allegedly lose weight without a huge food plan or exercise. In reality, the creators of the method claim you may keep eating your favorite foods, keep away from counting energy, and avoid strenuous sports – all while dropping weight. There also are Flat Belly Tonic testimonials that allude to how customers are using the Okinawa drink powder recipe as a method to assist wholesome blood sugar and blood stress tiers too. Obviously, you have to be skeptical any time a dietary supplement claims to result in extensive weight loss with little attempt or weight loss program required. And asking whether or no longer the Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic rip-off possibly is actual is what truly makes this interesting as to whether that is a fake weight loss supplement or one with legit benefit. Let’s take a more in-depth examination of how Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic works.

How Does Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic Work?

Right from the beginning because the introduction alluded to, it's almost unjust to think of the Flat Belly Tonic as superfood complement powder. Does the okinawa belly tonic work? In fact, the Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic needs to almost be thought of as a full fledged food plan and fats burning gadget as an entire. But for now, let's focus on the main megastar of the Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic machine within the drink recipe as it's far the only all of the 5 publications referred to above and shown here are focused upon. Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic is the catalyst to the complete application and comes within the shape of a powdered method. You mix one scoop (2,800mg of formula in line with the scoop) with water, milk, almond milk, a shake, or the beverage of your choice, then drink it day by day to get a flat belly. The shake is powered through four important element blends, together with a nutrition and mineral combination, a polyphenol blend, a metabolic boosting blend, and a digestive aid mixture. Overall, the system contains essential vitamins and minerals (like B vitamins and selenium), elements for digestion (like probiotics and prebiotics), plant-based total antioxidants (like beet, apple, and papaya), and metabolism boosters (like ginger and turmeric). The makers of Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic claim they decided on those substances strategically. These components don’t just help digestion, metabolism, and antioxidants in your frame: additionally they affect hormones. Most individuals looking to shed pounds and burn stomach fats are beginning to well know how hormonal imbalances disrupt the complete ecosystem that involves metabolism and weight management. Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic is primarily based on the idea that people come to be overweight whilst their C-reactive protein, additionally referred to as CRP, interferes with the ordinary feature of mitochondria. This switches off the hormone liable for metabolic activity in the frame. That critical hormone is referred to as adiponectin. When CRP interferes with adiponectin, it results in an accumulation of fats all through the body. This triggers a series reaction and comments loop: while you acquire more fat, your CRP degrees upward push. Your rising CRP levels interfere with adiponectin, causing a similar weight benefit. With that in mind, Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic promises to halt the cycle by means of activating adiponectin, balancing CRP and helping you shed pounds. Ultimately, which means you may expect sizable weight loss effects inside just 4 weeks of taking the Flat Belly Tonic complement. All matters specified in the front people and the records reveal the Okinawa drink powder recipe is one of the pleasant dietary supplements to apply for burning fat, boosting metabolism and enhancing strength stages obviously. Why? Look no further than the powerful Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic substances to see what is in shop for this natural superfood powder drink blend.

Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic- Its Pros & Cons

Pros

The factor of the product may additionally produce fat-burning hormones. The product is a hundred% natural and secure and has no aspect effects. It powerfully destroys fat cells. No want for a personal teacher or dietician to manual you. One hundred percentage money-lower back guarantee if the product does not paint. It tastes delicious, and you may feel refreshed as soon as you drink it. Available at an affordable fee.

Cons

Not to be had offline (Only to be had through the reliable website) The website has said that this tonic must no longer be used in the course of the pregnancy. It may be dangerous to the toddler. What Comes With Your Flat Belly Tonic Purchase? The Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic is not only a weight reduction supplement powder with a fats burning recipe and confirmed elements. It also comes with all kinds of actionable, applicable publications that you'll seamlessly integrate into their current way of life and start changing the good with the bad clearly. Here is what the Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic gadget has to provide these days:

21 Day Flat Belly Manual

The 21 Day Flat Belly Manuel is a virtual guide that stocks a three-week belly fat burning gadget. This forty six-web page digital manual covers essential weight-reduction plan suggestions that might guide your weight reduction challenge. This virtual manual explains how intermittent fasting aids weight loss, for instance, and how pressure induces weight benefit.

Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic Drinks

Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic Drinks is a recipe virtual manual that gives smoothies to lessen C-reactive protein (CRP), related to weight gain. Similar to the Flat Belly Tonic complement, an Okinawa belly fat tonic recipe,these smoothies are able to help with weight reduction by way of targeting the CRP stages. The 36-page virtual guide features recipes for merchandise like Zen Berry Tea (frozen berries and rooibos tea with honey) and a Wake-Up Smoothie (frozen berries with chia seeds, honey, tofu, almond milk, and a banana).

Quick Start Nutrition Plan

The Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic Quick Start Nutrition Plan is a digital manual explaining the Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic program’s imperative tenets. Beneath the ‘foods that trade the entirety’ phase of the virtual guide, readers will understand the importance of eating eggs, beef, bird, fish, olive oil, quinoa, candy potatoes, coconut oil, and black beans meals. Overall, the 21-page virtual guide emphasizes the important steering you may discover on weight reduction fitness blogs online.

100 Fat Burning Recipes

a hundred Fat Burning Recipes is a weight reduction digital guide complete of 126-pages coaching extraordinary recipes. The digital guide features scrumptious alternatives like Vegetarian Lasagna, Fire-Roasted Beaverbrook Meatloaf, and Jalapeno Dijon Grilled Chicken, amongst other opportunities. All recipes are aligned with Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic nutritional beliefs.

Energy Boosting Smoothies

The Energy Boosting Smoothies digital guide explains more smoothie recipes to decorate your strength even as heeding the Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic software. The smoothies are similar to the CRP-targeting smoothies in Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic Drinks. Great smoothies encompass Green Protein Smoothie (with Greek yogurt, almond milk, cucumber, spirulina, peaches, spinach, and parsley) and the Pumpkin Oat Seed Smoothie (with oats, almond milk, yogurt, chia seeds, hemp seeds, pumpkin seeds, and greater). The 25-web page virtual guide carries 20 perfect smoothies.

Why Do You Want Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic?

Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic is formulated with 100% herbal elements that could assist people get rid of excessive weight. Flat Belly Tonic comes inside the form of a powder; subsequently it may be eaten up easily with water or any protein shake. This weight reduction supplement begins running from the basic purpose, and it without delay attacks the excessive fats build-united states that result in quick weight loss. The important motive at the back of the success of Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic is its components. Here is a listing of major elements that make Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic and a powerful answer for weight reduction.

Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic Ingredients

Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic carries all the following ingredients and blends: Okinawa Flat Belly 3 Vitamins and Minerals Blend: Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic contains a number vitamins and minerals at a hundred% of your Daily Value (DV). Each scoop of Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic includes 100% DV of thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, diet B6, folate, nutrition B12, biotin, pantothenic acid, and selenium. There’s additionally 167% DV of chromium. These nutrients and minerals are critical for average fitness and well-being and more than one physical capability. Polyphenol Blend: Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic incorporates a range of polyphenol-rich plant and fruit extracts. Most of every scoop (2,150mg of two,800mg total) consists of a polyphenol mixture. Key components in that mix encompass cherry, carrot, papaya, green mango, mulberry fruit, apple, beet root, cranberry, acai, and dozens of different fruit extracts. In all, the 25-factor antioxidant-rich polyphenol mixture in Flat Belly Tonic weight reduction drink powder is one of the exceptionally accessible given it is organically sourced. Metabolic Boosting Blend: Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic consists of 465mg of a metabolic boosting blend, which includes shilajit extract, ginger root, cinnamon bark extract, green tea extract, and turmeric, among other ingredients. Okinawa belly fat tonic ingredients, By now, all people know of the fitness circumstance generally known as metabolic slowdown, which is largely the slowed metabolic rate associated with growing old. The idea in the back of the Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic metabolic boosting combination is to spark off a manner called metabolic regeneration. Digestive Support Blend: Okinawa Flat Belly Tonic includes 100mg of a digestive assist blend. Like a digestion complement, this combination consists of a prebiotic (inulin) blended with probiotics (like Bacillus infantis and Bifidobacterium longum). Probiotics are beneficial gut microorganisms that help your frame soak up nutrients from food, at the same time as prebiotics feed and fuel those probiotic microorganisms. Okinawa belly fat tonic recipe, The frame's capability to assimilate, make use of and ultimately digest is a major characteristic of wholesome weight management. Read the full article

[americaswritings]

In the dark I will call your name | chapter 2

Warnings (for the whole series): angst, talk of depression, trauma, nightmares, violence, mentions of blood, language, lots of emotions

Summary: You could never tell them the truth about who you were, what you had done, the demons that were haunting you. So you buried it deep inside of you, swearing to take the secret to the grave with you. Then the nightmares start, the headaches, the simple drop of red confirming your fate. Vecna knows the truth, feels you suffering. Can you escape his curse?

Words: 2.3k

Pairing: Steve Harrington x reader

A/N: Here is the second chapter for this series. I decided I am going to upload a new part each Wednesday and Sunday. I also just finished vol. 2 (Steve looked so so good in it!!) and can’t wait for s5! What am I supposed to do now?? As always I would love to hear your thoughts and I hope you enjoy :)

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Chapter 2: Can’t lose you now

Silence had settled in after Max had declared your remaining time. One day. Or so she guessed. You had little to no information after all. But it was better to be prepared you thought to yourself. 

Although you were still in shock, you tried to concentrate on that. You still had a little time to say goodbye. Not everyone got that; clarity.

Your surroundings had become blurry, but you forced back the tears and bit down on your lip to focus on anything other than the fact that you were cursed by Vecna. That he would haunt you until he would take you, in the cruellest way you could imagine. 

You had heard what Eddie had told you had happened to Chrissy. Even after days had passed he was still in a state of deep shock, so disturbed by what he had witnessed that he was beside himself. And it was Eddie you were talking about. Calling him strange wasn’t far-fetched, so him acting beside himself truly meant something.

It wasn’t just that you weren’t ready to die. You were young, had barely lived. You weren’t ready to leave this earth yet, felt like you had wasted your precious time and now you could feel it slipping through your fingers.

But the way Vecna took people’s life was beyond that. It didn’t just scare you, it terrified you. To the point you wanted to scream and cry, hide and run, as if you could escape your curse this way. 

But you had to remain strong. Not for yourself, but for Steve and the others. They had been quiet after your confession too, none of them knowing what to say and too caught up in their own thoughts. 

You watched Steve, his shoulders slumped and his stride lacking his usual pride as he turned away from the group to lean against a wall for support. You could see the truth crushing him, that he was going to lose you, so soon, and that there was nothing he could do about it. 

But there was also a silent conflict behind his eyes. He was struggling to come to terms with it. Everything in him seemed to refuse to believe you could be Vecna’s next victim. Anger and frustration mixed with despair and weariness. You wanted to walk up to him, comfort him in a way, but you didn’t know how. 

No words seemed appropriate. You couldn’t tell him it was okay, because it wasn’t. You couldn’t pretend to be strong enough for the two of you, even if you wanted to be. But you knew once you walked over to him, tried to reassure him, you would lose it too. And you couldn’t risk that.

Besides, you were pretty sure he wasn’t ready for that yet. He needed time to comprehend the news, time to accept your fate. You couldn’t take his pain right now. So you stayed where you were, fumbling with your hands and trying to temper your emotions.

-

You still hadn’t exchanged a word with Steve. Robin and Nancy had returned from their trip to the library, Lucas had joined the group and you were currently cramped into Mike’s basement. How nostalgic it seemed to be here, a place you weren’t too fond of with its dusty corners and smelly furniture, but still held a special place in your heart.

It was where everything had begun and everything would end, for you. Nancy had engulfed you in a long hug after she had heard the news and it had taken everything in you not to break into tears. “We will figure something out!”, she had promised you, her blue eyes filled with an intensity you recognized whenever she was fixed on a case as a reporter. Nancy Wheeler, always so focused and determined.

You didn’t doubt they would figure something out, they always did, but it would be too late for you. You didn’t say that, only nodded and offered her the attempt of a grateful smile.

Now Robin and her were gone again, undercover at the Pennhurst Mental Hospital to talk to Victor Creel, the only survivor of Vecna’s curse it seemed. Steve had been left to babysit and as you felt his eyes staring holes into the back of your head you wondered who he had been told to watch exactly.

“I can feel you all staring at me!”, you groaned as you tried to focus on your writing. The sound of rustling could be heard as the Steve, Dustin and Lucas pretended to be busy otherwise, the hint of a smile crossing your face. Such idiots, you thought fondly.

But with them keeping an eye on you, you couldn’t focus on your writing, so you let out a sigh and laid down the pen. They still pretended to be caught up in their reading as you crossed the room, coming to stand in front of the sofa they were seated on. 

“Can we talk?” Steve’s gaze met yours and he nodded. He had visibly calmed down, but you knew a wrong word could set him off again. Yet you needed to tell him your thoughts, needed your boyfriend to listen to you and just be there. By your side. You couldn’t waste any more time.

“You two!” Dustin and Lucas looked up at you, eyes big as they waited for you to continue. “Don’t eavesdrop and do not touch my stuff. Understand?”

They let out respective groans and you raised a brow, daring them to object. “Okay fine, but what if you’re writing crazy stuff and there could be a hint in it somewhere?”, Dustin threw in and you let out a huff. 

“I’m not writing crazy stuff! Now go back to these old reports. The chances you find something in there are much higher.”

Lucas rolled his eyes, but he grabbed one of the books from the table, opening it to a random page. “And I swear if I find you going through my writing-” “we’re dead?”, Dustin interjected and you nodded, trying to look as stern as possible. 

You really didn’t want two teenage boys going through what you intended to be farewell letters for the most important people in your life. You had finished all of them beside one. Steve’s.

“Yes, mom!” You rolled your eyes at the remark, smirking as you caught Steve’s amused gaze. “I thought Steve was your mom.” 

“Ha-ha, you’re so funny!”, he commented, but you could see the faint hint of a smile on his face. It was the best you could expect in such circumstances.

You would miss his smile, you realized. Would miss his laugh. The way he laughed when he was completely carefree, at ease with himself and everyone around him. When he was happy. You doubted you would be able to hear it again before you died. 

You lead him into Nancy’s bedroom, not wanting to disturb Max, who had separated herself from the group once you had returned here. You had granted her the space, knowing everyone had to process the news in their own way, but you decided to check on her later.

She had been withdrawing herself the past few weeks and blocked out every one of your tries to talk to her about it. If she needed time on her own you wouldn’t be the one to refuse it for her, but you wanted her to know she didn’t need to be alone.

Steve didn’t say anything as you lead him up the stairs and into Nancy’s room. You were sure she wouldn’t mind the two of you using it to talk as long as you didn’t touch her stuff. She was a little extra when it came to that.

For a second your mind drifted off, thoughts of Steve and Nancy in this room filling your head. But you pushed them away. The two had never made it a secret that they had been a couple in the past, but they had insisted there was nothing between them anymore. Nancy was happy with Jonathan and Steve had found you.

And when he told you that you fitted him better than Nancy ever had, you believed him. Steve didn’t lie to you. He was genuine. And Nancy had become your friend. 

You made sure to sit down on the bed without wrinkling her sheets. Steve followed you hesitantly, leaving enough space between the two of you so you could look at each other.

“I thought we should talk”, you began hesitantly, unsure where to start. “You mentioned that.” You glared at him, knowing there could come nothing out of this conversation if he kept up his defence mechanisms.

“So, you think you’re cursed”, he gave in, sensing your disapproval. You knitted your brows. “I don’t just think that. It’s the truth.” You had thought Steve’s calmer composure had arisen from him slowly accepting the hard truth, but it seemed he was still denying it.

“Well, how do you know?”, he challenged, and you drew in a breath. “How do I know?”, you questioned, and he nodded. “Yeah. People have headaches all the time. And nosebleeds. Nothing unusual about that.”

“Steve”, you whispered, pleading him to stop fending off reality. If you had to die, you needed to leave this world with as much peace as you could. And you couldn’t do that, if your boyfriend kept denying the fact that he was about to lose to you. He needed to prepare himself too.

The thought that he would be alone to deal with his grief, his pain afterwards hurt you. There was nothing you could do. You wouldn’t be able to make it better, wouldn’t be by his side. He would be alone, and you had to make sure he got through it. 

You would never be able to die in peace, if you left Steve worrying about his state. His future. His life.

“I don’t get nosebleeds. And those headaches have been bad. Really bad. They just started out of nowhere five days ago. That is not a coincidence! I talked to Ms. Kelley just like Chrissy and Fred did. And I have nightmares. The same dream every night over and over again.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” “About the nightmares?” He nodded and you swallowed, trying to ban the imagines from your mind. “I didn’t think it was so important. I thought they would go away after a while”, you explained.

“You should have said something!” The accusation was accompanied by softness, a silent reminder that he was here for you. But you didn’t want to spend your last hours on earth discussing why you hadn’t told your boyfriend about your nightmares. It was only a distraction from the real thing you had to address.

“Maybe I just don’t like talking about how shitty my life has been before I met you.” Your voice came out a little harsher than you had intended, but your words seemed to have broken the distance between the two of you. 

“But I am here now”, Steve whispered, his hand coming up to gently cup your cheek. “And I am going to protect you!”

You had relaxed into his touch, but your eyes widened, and you drew back at the last part. “You can’t promise that”, you told him honestly, but you saw the hurt in Steve’s eyes. “Yes, I can! I won’t let anything happen to you.”

You frantically shook your head, tears springing to your eyes. You needed to convince Steve he was helpless against Vecna. It might be easier to pretend that he could protect you, keep any harm from you, but it was impossible. And if you let him cling to that believe, he would be crushed by guilt after your death.

You couldn’t let that happen.

“Remember what Eddie told us? He couldn’t see Vecna. He only saw Chrissy, said she was in a weird trance until she suddenly started flying. And then she- died”, you gulped, leaving out the most terrifying part. “But he never saw Vecna, did he? He never felt him, touched him or anything.”

Your eyes softened as you looked at Steve, the determination so evident in his eyes. It warmed your heart and broke it all the same. “You can’t fight something you can’t see or touch.”

“We haven’t tried, have we?” 

You took a deep breath, biting back your own despair. “Steve-” “No! What, you don’t want me to fight for you now? You expect me to just stand by and let you be taken by this bastard?! Cause I won’t do what!” Tears shone in Steve’s eyes now, a contrast to his strong and determined voice.

You shook your head again. “That’s not what I’m asking of you.”

“Then what is it?! I don’t know what you want from me right now (y/n). I can’t just accept your death like you did!”

Your frustration grew and you felt your skin prickling as exasperation filled you. “I did not accept my death! You think I’m not terrified? Trust me, I am! But I can’t spend what might be my last hours in a state of constant panic. I need to prepare myself for what happens, in case we can’t stop Vecna. And I need you to prepare yourself too.”

Steve lowered his head, the pain so raw on his feature’s that a tear escaped your eye. You didn’t want to hurt him like this, but you needed him to understand.

“I can’t do that”, he whispered, and he sounded so broken that you felt your heart shatter the second time that day. “Yes, you can! You need to keep going for them. They will need you. Please, do it for me!”

Steve didn’t look convinced when he looked at you, but for the first time he seemed to acknowledge the possibility of your death. “We are going to stop him”, he stated, but you weren’t sure who he was trying to convince, you or himself.

“I just found you. I can’t lose you now.”

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[esoraluco]

The AU behind this pic and the first and last wip in this; ignore how the designs are different, this is what i get for going with the flow (i will continue to do so and ignore consequences). In this AU the Light and Dark worlds are one and the same. Also Blue and Spam are both in their 20s, unlike my regular stuff where they’re middle aged. i have zero ability to be coherent today but i will try to explain stuff below, bear with me. Tw for implied verbal abuse+emotional manipulation at the 3rd paragraph and first half of the 4th

Spam’s from New Jersey and he owns his own car brand, Big Shot Autos. Despite being a car salesman, he has a big, custom-made bike (i will draw it soon) that he uses to travel and picks up friends while he’s at it. So far he has Ray, a yellow addison from Manhattan and two pink adison siblings from Chicago, Pink and Punch. They have another sibling but he stayed in behind to take care of their eldery grandmother, who really liked Spam and made him a custom appliqué for his jacket- he’s very proud of it but doesn’t want anyone to know he didn’t make it himself. Spam says he’s travelling to spread his brand all over the country, but he seems to not want to go back home. Probably because he doesn’t have one anymore, but only his... OTHER friends know this- Gaster and Mike. Gaster is a nerdy science professor who is very interested in Spam’s cars and their designs- while Mike is a gameshow host with a sadistic streak. Gaster was the one to contact Spam in early 1952- (even though the latter had very little sales and just left his state for the first time as Gaster called), and give him a chance to be a big shot. The price? Spam has to come see Gaster and his friend Mike in California- while Spam gets there, Gaster promises to have his... Contacts make Spam’s brand successful, to cover the cost of his journey. Spam took the offer without hesitation, and, with his only real possession- his bike, he started on his journey and went from a nobody to a big shot, and progressively changed his style into one of a greaser. It’s a façade though, who wears off when he’s excitedly talking about cars or if someone gives him affection. His friends did notice that detail but do not seem to mind- they assume Spam used to have no confidence before he became a big shot+greaser, and that glimpses of his old self can sometimes be seen; which is... Actually the truth, but he doesn’t want anyone to know that. All throughout his journey, Spam uses any phone he can get his hands on to call Gaster or Mike, and make sure the deal is still on and his brand still gets success and sales as he travels.

Blue, like Spam, left his home state to go to another- except in his case, Blue just went from California to Utah and found a very moderate success compared to Spam’s. In fact, one could say Blue is successful at all, but he DOES own his own diner, which wasn’t an easy business to start and hints at years of hard work- that Blue prefers not to talk about. Not because they were bad experiences, but because he feels like he’s climbing steps toward a goal, and that talking about previous steps is a waste of time. He lives in a small community where everyone knows everyone, and is on good terms with a good amount of people despite his introversion and apparent unwillingness to talk about himself or his past. Not much people are aware of Blue’s change in attitude between his work and at home self- if any people at all have cared enough to notice. In reality Blue is such an introvert that, even in a diner with little business outside of locals, he needs to rest whenever he’s at home, and doesn’t have the energy to deal with ANY type of conflict whenever that’s the case. He seems to have (a lot) of other problems but he won’t let anyone even have a glimpse of them, for many reasons but the biggest being that Blue has trust issues.

1952- they meet. Spamton is almost to his goal, California, but makes a stop in Utah with his friends. They’re in the middle of the desert but still manage to find a small diner they can take a break at- Spam wasn’t expecting to see an empty diner safe for a fellow Addison behind the counter, and in pure greaser (in his opinion) fashion, spouted the worst type of pick-up line anyone could get- ‘Are you on the menu? Because you look damn good.’ Blue, outwardly cringing, promptly told him to cut that off or to get out. Spam, surprised to get such a harsh response, but still giving his best ‘charming smile’, couldn’t help but respond ‘Don’t you know I am? I’m a BIG SHOT!’. Blue simply responded ‘If you’re not the president, I don’t care who you are. You’re in the middle of nowhere- who you are doesn’t matter in these parts. You guys gonna order something or not?’ Spam’s smile finally fell, and he and his friends ordered their ‘food’ (Addisons still eat money in this AU, and Blue’s diner makes both regular and addison menus). Spam quickly brushed off his awkward conversation with Blue and when his friends broke the silence to talk about other things, he was happy to join in while eating. As one of his friends talked about their bike, Spam’s eyes drifted to the diner’s walls, and noticed something that caught his eye- a framed brochure showing the lastest model of Cadillac and its celebration of the ‘golden anniversary’; in his months of travel, Spam didn’t keep up with other car brands and their models. Despite their awkward first interaction, Spam felt he had to ask where Blue got that picture from- suspecting he might be walking into another bad pick-up line, Blue asked ‘Why do you care?’, only for Spam to (proudly) say that he sold cars himself. Blue, amused, couldn’t help but be surprised that a greaser with a *bike* was actually a car salesman, and said as much- Spam, always a bit embarassed by that detail, dropped his ‘trying to charm you’ tone and hurriedly said ‘bikes are cool ok?! And- and in a car people can’t see my amazing jacket!!’. Blue coudln’t help but be amused by this greaser’s oddly genuine and likeable embarrassed response, and figured that THIS greaser and ‘big shot’ wasn’t as tough and confident as he’d like others to believe. So Blue amicably asked about what type of cars Spam sold, who excitedly started listing all his cungadero models, their visual and technical qualities and all the colors available; his own friends were lsitening too, surprised to hear Spamton happily go on and on about his cars, in a giddy tone they never heard him used before. Spam talked and talked, and Blue listened and occasionally asked questions whenever Spam took a breath, which seemed to make him ramble even more, with a big excited smile all the while. Their conversation lasted hours, much to the dismay of Spamton’s friends- as the sun set, they figured it was time to go and search for a motel or any other place to stay the night- Spam was surprised to see it was already so late, and was immediately dismayed, given he probably wouldn’t have another encounter with Blue or anyone else who was as interested in cars as him, any time soon. Blue saw the dismay on Spam’s face, and gently and genuinely told him that ‘he could come back whenever he wanted. Just spare me the pick-up lines and tell me about your new cungadero models right off the bat.’ He meant the last part in a half joking manner, and Spam seemed to get it, and giving a slight chuckle, said that he would.

Spamton was sad to leave Utah and Blue so soon, but figured that after his and Gaster’s deal was done, he could come back whenever he wished. He and his friends drove to California without any hinderance, and reached the place his friends told him to go to on the phone. Spam told his friends to wait for him in the motel as he was making his deal, since he was asked to come alone. As said in the picture, there’s no paranormal elements to Gaster, Mike or what happens to Spam. Instead, Spam was forced to be something he wasn’t, through peer pressure, binding contracts, a grueling work schedule and most importantly, an interdiction to leave Gaster and Mike’s business, or to use the phone and ask for help from his friends or the authorities. He was forced to become a corporate drone by Mike, and to change himself to Gaster’s demands (them being that he really wanted someone to read comics with him- Spam didn’t really like comics but was contractually obligated to read fully any comic Gaster gave him). Spam didn’t- couldn’t even pretend to be a greaser anymore, he was forced to change his attitude, or face punishment by Mike (said punishment being featured in the latter’s game show, who was pretty cruel and usually made fun of its contestants). Spam couldn’t ask for help, not only because he wasn’t allowed to, but also because legally, Spamton had no identity/didn’t exist, he had no family to contact and his friends left once they felt like Spam didn’t come back because he didn’t need them anymore. It took a great toll on his mental AND physical health- he has issues expressing himself and seem to be underweight (by addison+someone his size’s standards), hence his different face/look. He was also forced into a ‘dress code’, and had to give up his favorite jacket and trade it for a generic black suit. His glasses were given to him by Mike, after Spam’s sight decreased from being forced to read so many comics nearly everyday. And every time Spamton had the courage to complain or beg to be freed, Gaster and Mike always have the same response- ‘This is what YOU wanted. This was our deal. Why aren’t you happy fullfilling your end of the bargain?’.

1953- Spamton is thoroughly drained from his days with Gaster and Mike- both mentally and physically. He tried several times to escape, but was caught (and punished on Mike’s game show) each time. He wants to give up, to disappear- after being forced to do so many things and his previous year of pretending, he doesn’t know who he is anymore. He feels like he’s their puppet, and that if he ever is freed, he’ll be too broken to ever be happy again. Spam prays in his ‘room’ (it’s smaller than high school dorm rooms and he doesn’t even have a matress), for him to be saved by someone, something, or for him to have the strenght to escape and never be found. And one days, his prayers are answered- Gaster and Mike’s building have a black out, and Spam takes this occasion to make another attempt at an escape. He runs as fast and far as his little legs can carry him- he’s far from healthy, but adrenaline gives him the energy he needs to get into the Californian wilderness. He knows THEY’RE looking for him- he doesn’t care though, and just runs in the opposite direction from which he came. He avoids roads and cities- he doesn’t know where he’s going at first, just far from *there*. Spam figures he doesn’t have anywhere else to go anyway... Or does he? In his muddled memories, he seems to recall someone told him he could ‘come back whenever he wanted’- and Spam has fond feelings for this person, even if he doesn’t remember their face. He vaguely recalls ‘Utah’ and a desert- and that THEY might not know to look for him there. He doesn’t know where he really is, and isn’t sure if he’d be able to hitchhike, or ask anyone for help really- what if the person he asks is affiliated with THEM? Whenever he has to come near civilization to eat or get a look at a ma if he can find one, he stays for as short a time as possible- he’s terrified to sleep in the wilderness, but it’s that or the possibility of getting caught. At some point, Spam starts to recognize certain landmarks- or at least he thinks he does; at least it’s not Californian landmarks, he told himself he’d recognize them. He’s exhausted and weathered physically and mentally, but Spam finally makes it- he sees Blue’s diner from afar, and collapses in front of it. Blue notice someone falling from inside, and rushes to see if the person is ok- when he sees the vaguely familiar, yet exhausted face of Spamton, he asks if he’s ok and need to call someone. Spam replies that he doesn’t, he just needs Blue’s help. Said help involves a drink, food and a place to stay... Despite his trust issues and general fear to be around others, Blue accepts.

[maxwell-grant]

Is it weird that your article on the Grand Guignol (sp?) made me think of that Peter Chushing quote about how, he doesn't think of the films he's famous for as horror, but rather as fantasy, and that he tends to see crime and war movies as more deserving of the moniker?

Strangely, I wasn't aware of this before, so I'm pasting some of the quotes he's had to say on this below so others can read them in full as well:

“It isn’t that I object to it. I just feel it’s the wrong adjective as applied to the films I do. Because horror to me is, say, a film like The Godfather. Or anything to do with war, which is real and can happen, and unfortunately, no doubt, will happen again some time. But the films that dear Christopher Lee and I do are really fantasy. And I think fantasy is a better adjective to use. I don’t object to the term horror, it’s just the wrong adjective!”

“I don’t really care for the adjective “horror”. I think the films are fantasy as much as anything. Horror is concentration camps, war, murder, real things. It’s car accidents and plane crashes.”

[regarding the fan mail he was getting] “What they say in their letters is that the horror films of today, they repel you and you’re sickened. And the Hammer ones that we did make you shiver and shake and cuddle each other to feel comforted, but they never repelled.

And that is, I think, frightfully interesting coming from young people who must be so immune now to seeing these terrible things on the news – football fights and Ireland and South Africa – it’s just dreadful, isn’t it. One has become so used to that as part of everyday life that I think watching a Dracula picture made 25 years ago must be rather like watching Noddy in Toyland.”

I think this is an interesting example of how sometimes opposite truths can exist at the same time. I have questioned myself quite a bit on just how much "horror" does a fantasy narrative need to have before it changes it's genre label from "fantasy" to "horror". And I've come to learn a lot recently just how fluid, ambiguous and debatable the very concept of "genre" is and how it's hardly even consistent within itself globally or historically.

On one hand, obviously the films Mr Cushing's been a part of are called horror films because they are part of the horror genre as it's been defined, and I don't think anyone's going to stop calling Dracula a horror story anytime soon, and of course horror and fantasy are not mutually exclusives. A horror story doesn't stop being a horror story just because you are not affected by what it's depicting, just as a comedy doesn't stop being a comedy because you don't find it funny. Mary and Max and Texas Chainsaw Massacre are two incredibly different movies that both shook me deeply on a first watch, and Mary and Max's material affected me much more deeply, but that doesn't mean I'm going to call it a horror film even if it did horrify me much more than Texas Chainsaw (Mary and Max is a genuinely incredible film, to be clear, but I never want to see it again)

But on the other hand, horror is a catch-all label that frays and tears at the seams the more you look at it, and he's right that the label in itself is just an adjective often tacked to pretty straightforward fantasy stories that happen to revolve around monsters and murderers and whatnot. And he's absolutely right that there's a world of difference between horror in fiction through fantasy, and horror in fiction through depictions of real, stark things we can call "horrors", and that this separation is incredibly important.

I'm thinking back to Bogleech's review of It: Chapter Two where he briefly touched on why the film's usage of homophobia for a scare was crude and misguided and tonally at odds with what the rest of the film, and the horror genre, strives for:

Some people with innocent enough intention will say that the shock and horror of the sequence is a good thing; that the audience should be disgusted by what they see happen here, which is certainly true. They might also point out that being horrified is exactly what you pay for when you go to see a horror movie, and that the scene gives context to the nature of a town possessed by pure evil.

There is, however, a very big difference between a spooky, imaginary boogiemonster and a regular, realistic hate crime. The boogiemonster is an entertaining, exciting kind of horror because it isn't real. The hate crime is something that could really happen to someone walking in and out of that same movie theater that same night, which is not the fun, entertaining or cool kind of scary. Killing off gay people is also nothing new to the horror genre at all, and there's a point at which it stops feeling like a social message and starts feeling more like a cheap prop, like the dog or cat you know is only present so we'll get to see how mean the villain really is.

Don't get me wrong, there have been horror narratives that explored the subject of hatred quite well, but it ISN'T ever explored any further here. In fact, it's never mentioned again and leaves no impact on the storyline other than the fact that it is how Mike discovers that IT has returned. Almost anything could have served this purpose, and the scene is even stripped of additional context and relevance it had in the novel. Ultimately, it just feels poorly handled, overshadows the rest of the film's horror, and didn't do much to really move the narrative forward.

And I can speak from experience that I've definitely seen and met way too often people who don't quite know how to tell the difference and it shows, it really shows in a way that doesn't just cheapens the works they are making but also makes them more, I guess the word I'd use is "childish", like it's coming from a deep lack of understanding or reference point or even a desire to further understand what exactly the things being depicted are or why they are terrible or why they affect people so deeply, the kind of stuff that, if you've lived through or seen or bonded with people who've been through them, kinda bleeds through your art even when you don't intentionally set out to portray them.

And to an extent I think that's where Peter Cushing's coming from, as someone who did indeed experience great horror and tragedy, who lived through the Great Depression and both World Wars and the Korean War and lost the love of his life when he was 48, and made a career playing villains, of course he's gonna look at the word "horror" applied to what he's doing and think that it's not at all horror, that's not what horror looks like to him.

But, to an extent, that's also a big part of what horror is supposed to do in the first place, as a distraction from the horrors of reality, a mirror upon said horrors, and an outlet for the experiencing of emotions attached to tragedy and horror, but nobody's getting hurt and you can get something out of it without having to live through it. It's a deeply, deeply important thing regardless of what you call it.

And I'm starting to wonder if, in the future, labels like "horror", "fantasy", "pulp" and "superhero" aren't going to fray and lose meaning further and further until we have to start coming up with new ones to retroactively define history through, something we already do, and even myself am guilty of.

So I guess it's not impossible that Cushing's going to have been ultimately right in his assessment.

[loverboytrashmouth]

Wish You Were Sober

pairing; Reddie

word count; 4k

summary; Eddie is tired of Richie flirting like a madman whenever he gets alcohol in his system.

a/n; so i decided i’m making a kind of series of reddie fics i write based on songs, bc i’m the type of bitch that listens to any music or intakes any kind of media and thinks “iMagiNe tHiS bUt rEdDiE<333″ so ya there’s that lol. here’s a lil angsty one shot based on wish you were sober by conan gray, aka a superior song if u ask me. as always, read on ao3 here if you’d like and enjoy ! :)

Nirvana blared through the speakers and traveled throughout the too small apartment owned by some random guy in one of Richie’s classes. Richie didn’t know him too well - he thinks his name is Chris? Collin? Something with a ‘C’ - but, hey, a party’s a party, and free booze is free booze.

The trashmouth was chatting loudly over the music with Bill on a dingy leather couch, waiting for Stan and Eddie to return with more drinks. Richie was already significantly further along than his friends in terms of his drunken state, all obnoxious laughs interrupted by hiccups and long, gangly limbs flailing more wildly than usual. It almost should be concerning to the other Losers, having only been at the party for less than a couple hours and their friend already being long gone, but it was what they were used to. Since they were 15 and stealing liquor from their parents, the Losers constantly saw Richie’s “go big or go home” attitude with drinking. They assumed it was just Richie wanting to be the life of the party and center of attention, whether that meant going shot for shot with Mike, accepting any type of drinking related dare from Beverly, etc.

Richie let them believe this, because it was better than telling them the truth. It was easier than admitting to them that around the same time he started sneaking a copious amount of vodka from the Tozier’s alcohol stash, he was also realizing certain feelings he had for a certain Loser.

Richie Tozier loved Eddie Kaspbrak. Richie was sure it was just one of those basic laws of the universe, one that’s impossible to ignore and inevitable to come to pass. Despite this, living in a small town like Derry meant getting the shit kicked out of you if you even look at another guy for too long, soulmates or inescapable love or whatever be damned. Richie had gotten beatdowns left and right from neighborhood bullies for being a “faggot” before he even knew what the word meant, so he, unfortunately, knew this from personal experience.

But now, sitting in an apartment in Manhattan of all places, attending NYU with three out of six of his best friends, away from those assholes in Derry, Richie thought he’d loosen up. Let himself be brave.

He soon learned that was easier said than done; who knew what 19 years of internalized homophobia could do to a man?

It’s not like he was afraid of being more of an outcast; he was already a loser with a capital “L,” and he, along with the rest of his friends, carried the title like it was given to them by the Queen herself. Deep down Richie knew the rest of the Losers wouldn’t even bat an eye at the fact that he liked dudes the way he should have liked girls, so he wasn’t afraid of losing them either. And deep, deep down, Richie also knew there wasn’t really anything wrong with him. Why would he feel such a way if it was supposed to be such an unnatural and vile thing? He couldn’t help who he was, who or how he loved, and God, he loved Eddie so much he thought he could just burst with it sometimes.

That shred of acceptance, though, was buried so deep in his lanky form, and the only way to reach it was through a ridiculous amount of shots. Or beers. Or just about anything with a decent alcohol content, really. He’d even settle with wine if he had to.

When Richie was drunk, he was able to be more clingy and face less consequences. He was already an affectionate guy, constantly pinching Eddie’s cheeks and throwing a lazy arm around the shorter man’s shoulders whenever he could. With alcohol, though, he’d give sloppy cheek kisses and intertwine his fingers with Eddie’s and allow his face to form a subtle blush when an intoxicated Eddie would lean into it.

“Sorry for being all over ya last night, Eds. You know how gross and clingy I can get,” he’d say the following morning, and then they’d fall back into their rhythm of bickering and ‘your mom’ jokes. Business as usual, like clockwork every time they’d get wasted.

Richie thought it was going well, that his feelings were going totally unnoticed, that he was stealth. Until this particular college party, that is.

Richie’s attention left his conversation with Bill about the newest Die Hard film when he felt the couch sink next to him, turning to meet eyes with a mildly tipsy Eddie. The taller man’s face immediately lit up, a goofy smile spreading across his chapped lips.

“Hiya, Spagheds! What’s cookin, good lookin’?” Richie slurred out, his arm finding its way around Eddie’s waist and using his other hand to snatch the mixed drink his friend was holding out for him. Eddie responded with his usual scoff and eyeroll, but Richie noted an extra bite to it that he wasn’t used to getting from him.

“Don’t call me that, asshole! And haven’t you ever heard of personal space?” Eddie grumbled, wiggling himself out of Richie’s side embrace and putting some distance between the two. The arm that was once around Eddie made its way to Richie’s own body as he dramatically grasped at his chest.

“Eddie, baby, you’ve wounded me! Since when do you pass up some signature Tozier cuddles?” Richie was met with a simple huff in response as Eddie avoided his gaze. Richie’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion at the lack of attention he was receiving from the man who would usually be giving him the most attention, but he was overall too drunk to overthink. With a shrug, Richie downed his freshly made drink in record timing before crunching the plastic cup in his hand and tossing it over his shoulder, causing Eddie to scoff again from next to him. Stan spoke up from beside Bill before Eddie could ream his friend about his lack of care for tidiness.

“Maybe you should start on some water, huh, Rich?” Richie gasped dramatically, turning to look at Stan as if he had just told him pigs fly.

“Staniel, did you just ask moi to drink water? What’s the point of free booze if you’re not gonna take advantage?” He asked incredulously before standing, wobbling on his long limbs for a couple seconds and giggling a bit before regaining his balance. “Speaking of, I’m gonna go see if my boy Chris has any good brewskis lyin’ around.”

“Isn’t his name C-C-Connor?” Bill asked, shaking his head in amusement. He seemed to be the only one enjoying the trashmouth’s antics this evening, as Stan’s eyebrows were furrowed in concern which he tried to pass off as annoyance, and Eddie still kept his gaze elsewhere. It was the latter that made Richie itch for another drink.

“Whatever the fuck, Billiam. I’ll be back in a jiff, my loves! Try not to miss me too much!” Richie exclaimed with a bow, breaking out his British accent for his next sentence. “But if I find m’lady Mary Jane, don’t wait up, lads! Pip pip!”

Before Richie could step five feet from the couch, an aggressive hand was yanking him back by the wrist. Losing his footing due to the intrusion, Richie stumbled once more, nearly toppling onto Eddie. The shorter man’s tight grip on his arm was the only thing that kept him from sending them both back onto the scratchy leather of the couch below. Richie beamed at the attention he was finally receiving, despite the glare Eddie was boring deep into his features.

“Sit the fuck down, Richard. You’re not drinking anymore fucking beer and you’re definitely not smoking anything. You’re drinking some water and I’m taking you the fuck back to your room, asswipe,” Eddie said sternly, getting as close as he could to Richie’s face with the height difference between them. Richie couldn’t help but love when Eddie got like this; sure, he was red in the face more with anger than with the alcohol, but the anger was backed by mountains of concern. It reminded Richie how much his love cared about him, even though he was sure their forms of love differed. There was still some kind of love there, and sometimes, that was enough for him.

Although Richie felt his chest swell and he wanted nothing more than to ease Eddie’s anger and please him, his mouth rambled before his brain could tell it what to say, as usual.

“If you wanted to get me alone, Eds, all ya had to do was ask,” Richie slurred with a wink, slowly bringing his hand up Eddie’s arm, his calloused fingertips slightly teasing the warm skin. Eddie’s face flushed an even deeper shade of red, from anger or something else, no one was sure - until Richie’s hand was being swatted away, the smack of it loud enough for Bill and Stan to hear over the music from their spot on the couch. Richie mumbled a curse under his breath as he rubbed the skin Eddie came in contact with, a sting lingering there. He opened his mouth to speak again, some kind of excuse or apology on the tip of his tongue, but never got it out due to Eddie’s voice cutting him off.

“Stop doing this, Richie! Just stop! I’m tired of it!” Eddie's voice was slowly rising, and the tremble that laced within his words acted as some kind of magical potion; suddenly Richie had never been so sober. 

“Hey, Eddie, it’s okay. I’m sorry, whatever I did I’m sor-” The apology was interrupted with another signature scoff as Eddie looked at the ground, shaking his head, breathing out a humorless chuckle.

“You don’t even know what you’re doing,” he said with a frustrated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose before looking Richie in his eyes once again. Despite the apartment being dark with the exception of a couple of lamps scattered around the area, Richie could see the glistening threat of tears waiting to spill from the doe eyes he loved so much. His heart ached.

“Of course you don’t know what you’re doing, Rich, because you’re too fucking drunk! You’re always too drunk. I just… I just wish you were sober for fucking once!” Eddie practically screamed, before his voice softened with hurt again. “I just wish you’d act like this with me without fucking booze.” There were a couple beats of silence between them, two pairs of dark eyes swimming with gallons of emotions simply blinking at one another, the only noise coming from Eddie’s sniffling. Richie did all in his power to search for a response, but for once in his life, the trashmouth was at a loss for words. After what felt like forever, Eddie finally ended the moment by turning on his heel and making a beeline for the door, leaving Richie to stand in dumbfounded silence while his intoxicated brain processed the scene that just unfolded. His thought process was interrupted by a voice coming from the couch.

“Wha-what just happened?” Bill asked, his amusement from earlier in the night completely dissipated and replaced with a mix of confusion and concern.

“Richie’s oblivious and a dumbass is what just happened. Nothing new,” Stan deadpanned from next to him. Richie snapped his body towards the pair, making his head spin and reminding him of just how drunk he was. He blinked at the two in an attempt to adjust his sight before raising his hands in defense at Stan’s comment.

“What are you talking about? Do you know what that was about?” Richie asked, pointing towards the direction Eddie stormed off in. Stan rolled his eyes before standing up and grabbing Richie by the shoulders with both hands, giving him a serious look.

“When we went to get drinks, Eddie talked to me. About you. About how you act when you’re drunk, all over him and shit, more than usual. And how much he likes it, but he hates that he likes it, because you only do it when you’re drunk.” Richie continued to gape at his friend, clearly not connecting what Stan’s words meant. Stan sighed, scrunching his face in annoyance and gripping Richie’s shoulders tighter. “He’s in love with you, asshole! Either tell him you love him too, because trust me, everyone except him knows you do, or stop leading him on. It’s fucking ruining him, man!”

Realization finally hit Richie, his eyes welling with tears as Stan’s grip on his shoulders softened. “He- He is? Are you sure? This- This isn’t funny, Stanley. A-Are you sure?” he breathed out, and if it wasn’t for the weight of the situation, he’d made a joke about how he was sounding like Bill, nervous stutter and all. Stan gave a slight nod and responded, but Richie didn’t hear what he said. His mind was suddenly racing; find Eddie. tell Eddie. kiss Eddie. EddieEddieEddie.

Before he knew it his feet were running just as fast as his thoughts, not 100% sure where he was going, just knowing he needed to find Eddie. Richie raced out of the apartment building into the chilly air that was New York City on a late November night, frantically scanning the streets. His eyes soon locked on a figure about half a block down, leaning against a mailbox, head in his hands. Even with the distance between them, Richie could tell he was trembling, either from the cold or from crying, he wasn’t sure. As he felt the sharp breeze across his skin exposed by the rips in his jeans, he assumed probably both.

Richie thought better than to call out his name, opting instead to slowly approach Eddie. He did his best to labor his breathing in his short walk over, mentally preparing himself for the confrontation that was about to take place. The confrontation that would bear all feelings, all confessions. All of the walls Richie had been building around himself since high school would finally come down.

He wished he had another drink.

“Eds?” He spoke softly, possibly the softest he’d ever spoken, as to not scare Eddie and send him running. The shorter man lifted his head from his hands, and Richie’s heart broke even more at the sight before him. Eddie’s eyes were red and puffy, a wall of hurt extremely evident in the soft brown. His nose was runny, and his lip quivered as he looked away when he realized who was standing in front of him.

“Don’t call me that,” he practically whispered, just loud enough for the other to catch it over the bustle of traffic in the streets surrounding them. Although he was avoiding the other man’s gaze like his life depended on it, Eddie made no attempt to walk away. Richie took that as a small win.

“Eddie, talk to me. Please. What’s up? It’s just me and you, man. C’mon.” Richie wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch Eddie. Offer a comforting hand on his shoulder, run his fingers through his hair, hold him close, tell him everything would be okay. But he didn’t dare move.

A car honked down the street, offering the only noise that cut through the thick silence when Eddie didn’t take Richie’s offer to speak. The former stayed silent with his head down, finding the dirty concrete under his pristine white converse highly interesting. Richie let out a sigh.

“Okay, you don’t have to talk. I’ll do all the talking. I’m the Trashmouth after all, aren’t I?” Richie offered a lame chuckle when his attempt at a joke fell flat, Eddie not breaking his frown even slightly. Richie cleared his throat awkwardly before continuing. “Look, I talked to Stan, he told me what you guys talked about, and -” He was cut off by the same humorless chuckle he heard in the apartment minutes ago, but this time it dripped with sadness rather than anger.

“Dammit, Stanley, you fucking traitor,” Eddie mumbled mostly to himself. He shook his head with a deep sigh and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, making them impossibly redder, before willing himself to look at Richie, his voice finally reaching above a murmur for the first time since leaving the party. “Secret’s out, I guess. I’m a fucking cliche. The fuckin’ queer that fell for his best friend.”

All Richie could do was silently stare, mouth slightly agape and eyes comically blown, amplified more so by his glasses. Sure, Stan had told him this not even five minutes beforehand, but hearing it from Eddie himself was an entirely different experience. He figured under different circumstances, Eddie would probably be laughing at how dumb he was sure he looked. Instead, the shorter man looked at him expectantly with tears still in his eyes, clearly waiting for some kind of response, and expecting the worst. They stood this way, basically a mirroring of what played out in the party upstairs before Eddie stormed out, for a solid minute before it was - once again - Eddie who broke the silence.

“So much for doing all the talking,” he muttered, the volume of his voice lowering, Richie realizing as Eddie looked back at the ground that he was closing in on himself once again. “Good night, Rich.”

“No,” Richie finally spoke, his arm darting out to grab Eddie’s hand before he could even adjust his feet to leave. “Please don’t walk away again. Please.” His voice broke on the last plea, his own eyes finally beginning to water. Eddie was still staring in the opposite direction down the concrete path he was planning on following before he was interrupted, but was staying put, not rejecting Richie’s hand in his. “There’s so much I wanna say to you, Eddie. So much. I just… Shit, I just don’t know how.”

Richie was crying just as much as Eddie was at this point but quieter, unable to pull himself together as much as he wanted to be brave. Eddie turned his head to face Richie with his glare still hardened, only softening when he saw the state Richie was in. Eddie had known Richie since they were literal children, and he knew better than anyone that Richie Tozier didn’t cry like this. Not unless something was truly eating at him. The anger Eddie felt towards the situation seemed to have completely disappeared as he comfortably squeezed Richie’s hand, giving him encouraging eyes.

The taller man used his free hand to rub the tears from his eyes, giving him a better look at Eddie. They were standing fairly close to the lone street light of the block, the faint orange tint of the bulb complimenting Eddie’s lightly tanned skin and chestnut eyes. Without thinking, Richie brought his hand up to Eddie’s face, cupping his cheek and wiping a stray tear away with the pad of his thumb. He continued softly rubbing at the skin there after the tear was gone, his thumb dancing across the freckles, his mind flooded with thoughts of how beautiful the man before him was. Eddie closed his eyes for a brief moment, taking in the feel of Richie’s touch.

Unable to find words again but refusing to let the moment slip out of his fingers for the third time of the night, Richie did the only thing he truly knew how to do; he acted impulsively.

If asked, Richie wouldn’t be able to pinpoint exactly when he decided to kiss the man he’d loved since he was 15 in the middle of Greenwich Village at one in the morning. Before he knew it, the hand on Eddie’s cheek slid down to his neck, pulling their lips together before the shorter man could react to the shift in Richie’s hold on him. As much as he didn’t want to admit the fact, Richie knew he wouldn’t have taken such action if it weren’t for the alcohol flowing through his veins, but at this point he didn’t much care. When their lips met, he forgot all about the booze, and became drunk on Eddie.

Eddie kissed back without hesitation, letting go of Richie’s hand and easily snaking his arms around his neck, with a comfortability as if they had done this thousands of times. It was sloppy due to the pair’s mixed tears along with their lack of experience, but nevertheless the two men kissed with purpose, as if the fate of their livelihood depended on this moment. Perhaps it did.

By the time they pulled away and rested their foreheads together, Eddie’s fingers had found themselves tangled in Richie’s dark curls, and Richie’s hands were gripping Eddie’s hips for dear life. The kiss hadn’t lasted too long - thirty seconds or so, if that - however the energy both men poured into those short seconds left them panting heavily, their breath tangling together, hot in the other’s face in the midst of the cold air around them.

“That was better than talking,” Richie breathed out with a wet chuckle, causing Eddie to finally crack his first smile of the night. It was a small one, the corners of his mouth curving only lightly, but Richie saw that his happiness had made its way into his stare.

“Shut up, Richie,” Eddie whispered with no real bite in his words before bringing their lips together again, this kiss softer than the last. While their first kiss was filled with the passion built up from years of mutual pining and secrets, their second let them convey the deepness of their love without words to speak. A tender peck of their lips told Richie everything he needed to know; this moment was very much real, and Eddie Kaspbrak very much loved Richie Tozier.

And if the kiss wasn’t enough, Eddie made sure to tell him when he pulled out of the kiss and rested his head on the taller man’s shoulder, pulling him into a proper embrace.

“I love you, Rich. I- I think I always have,” he confessed, his voice slightly muffled from where his face was buried in Richie’s neck, but the other man heard him loud and clear all the same. Richie released his grip on Eddie’s hips and wrapped his arms around him, letting himself breathe out a sigh of relief as he held him impossibly closer.

“I love you too, Eds. So fucking much, fuck.” Richie pressed a kiss to soft brown waves, breathing in the clean scent of lavender shampoo mixed with light cologne, his senses filling with just Eddie.

Standing in the middle of a bustling city they barely knew in the wee hours of a Sunday morning, arms wrapped tightly around one another, ignoring the strangers that walked past them most definitely giving them some variation of judgemental stares, Eddie and Richie had never felt more at home.

“Alright, Trashmouth,” Eddie started, reluctantly pulling away from Richie’s hold. Richie pouted at the loss of feeling Eddie’s body pressed against his own, making the latter chuckle and playfully roll his eyes. He pressed a quick peck to said trashmouth before continuing. “We can talk about this more in the morning. Right now, you need water and sleep.” Richie slapped a toothy grin onto his chapped lips after, once again, being reminded of how intoxicated he still was, falling back into his goofy demeanor with ease.

“Ya gonna take care of me, Dr. K? Ugh, what a dreamboat,” he replied, miming a cartoonish faint. Eddie simply giggled and grasped Richie’s hand once again, interlacing their fingers and leading him in the direction of their dorms. Richie fell back ever so slightly as to not get caught looking at Eddie like the lovesick dork he was, feeling a warmth grow in his body he was sure wasn’t due to the alcohol.

Richie still drinks after this night; old habits die hard, of course. However, Richie didn’t have to be drunk anymore to admit he loved Eddie. He told him sober and drunk, day and night, and vowed to remind Eddie just how much he loved him until the day they died.

[mrslackles]

what do you think are gg's biggest flaws?

Ooh, Anon! It’s like you’re in my head. 

I’m busy making a video (that will probably never see the light of day) about this --  my distance from the show has really helped with some super objective clarity -- so I’ll use my notes from that to help me answer. 

I’ll preface this by saying what I was most shocked by after putting down all the points was that Rio isn’t even mentioned until really far down??

Anyway, let's get into it.

These are Good Girls' greatest flaws in my opinion (and relative to season 1 -- while I think it had its flaws too, the list is far smaller and I think that's a separate post)

1. It didn't stick to its guns

What set this show apart from others in the 'Everyday person does crime (poorly)' genre was its comedic lightness, strong friendship element, relatability and emphasis on girl power.

a) By season 2, the lightness was already slowly disappearing to make way for season 3's darkness. (Quite literally; this show said sunlight scenes for WHO.) It also stopped being as fun. Remember how it genuinely used to be fun? I mean let's not forget The Best Scene Ever where Ruby shoots Big Mike by accident and we all laughed our asses off. (Compare and contrast to a similar-in-tone-and-context scene -- or even the whole episode -- like Boomer popping up behind them as Rio's package in season 3.) I think season 3 had some great lines and laughs, but in general, the fun element was completely missing for me.

b) As was the friendship. We already know Annie and Ruby basically became Beth's backup dancers in season 2, but at least then they still seemed to have some type of agency. In season 3, they rarely question Beth's (truly questionable) decisions, don't talk to her about shit like why she's still with her horrible husband and have very few true friendship moments as they did in season 1.

c) Which made it less relatable, but what also contributed was the major plot holes (it's less easy to relate when you're constantly having to remind yourself to suspend your disbelief). And, to be honest, their stupid actions. Just the most common-sense things weren't followed, like not taking your children to a crack den or not putting a hit out on a gang leader. It's frustrating watching a TV show -- where characters are supposed to learn things, have arcs and improve over time -- and feeling like you have more logical sense than all the main characters in every scene. (WHO would think a hitman was going to use a sniper rifle on people in broad daylight on the side of the road???)

d) You don't have to look any further than the title or the stans who shout "THE SHOW IS ABOUT THE GIRLS" -- or, hell, the first 10 seconds of the show where Sara is literally talking about the glass ceiling -- to know that the main characters being women is very important to the show. If not formally feminist, it was at least supposed to be empowering or feel like "girl power" (a term I hate, but we won't get into that now).

And I think it did it pretty well in season 1 -- it actually played on my favourite theme of the show, which is the world's perception of these women being what ultimately allows them to get away with so much. (Rife with opportunities for commentary about white privilege, but also a genius way to upend patriarchal beliefs.) But more and more it seemed like the show was asking you to accept empowerment as simply "these things are being done by women, yay".

And, well.

2. Its marketing

I'll keep this one short because I think we all know how messed up this situation is. Basically they're selling a show (every week!) that they're not making while ignoring all feedback on every social media platform. Which brings us to...

3. The marriage of Death

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times -- Beth's character development starts with getting rid of Dean. Her growth is stunted by him on multiple fronts and it's frustrating to viewers since she's constantly put forth as the main character. Not to mention how the audience, separately from Beth, was originally conditioned to see Dean as the scum of the earth (think of scenes like him crashing his car because he was perving on a woman jogging) so keeping them together is really... a choice. To actively root for this marriage (which seems like what the show wants, at least for the protracted moment) means either thinking Dean is a great person (which, as I said, we've only seen the opposite of) or believing he's all Beth deserves. Which leads me to...

4. Beth's (socio)path(y)

Is sociopath a 'good' word? Probably not. Have I seen dozens upon dozens of posts talking about whether Beth is one? Yes. And I see it from a huge variety of people -- from viewers who just binged the show last weekend to those who've been watching for years, the question keeps coming up. And I entirely blame the writing of the show that, by the way, I don't believe is deliberately creating Beth to get this reaction. I think she's written (and, to an extent, acted) in a way that is much too aloof and I'm not convinced it's meant to come off as cold and unfeeling as it does. Everything else leads me to believe that the audience is supposed to root for Beth, but it's just so difficult.

Beth does a lot of messed up shit that requires dialogue to sympathise with her and the inner workings of her mind, but in the later seasons Beth rarely gets to express herself verbally. And every time she does get to speak about her emotions, the dialogue is a pick-your-own-adventure between "She's in so much denial", "This person feels no emotions" and "I'll go find an analysis/fic later to explain this" (scenes like "Nothing" or "I was just bored"). Compare and contrast with some of the great scenes in season 1 where she emotes, like her paralysing shock after they first rob the store or admitting she enjoys crime, or (one of my favourites!) the one in the park where she's mimicking the other mothers beside her.

5. Brio

I said in the beginning that I was shocked Rio doesn't get mentioned until this point and that's because I've always felt like he was an integral part of the show. When people say the show is about the girls, they're truncating -- the show is about the girls getting into crime. That crime is represented by Rio over and over again -- they never bring in another criminal at his level (which is another one of its flaws, but that's also a different post); Rio is it.

And though I stand by Rio's importance, the truth is that Brio isn't as essential to the show, by which I mean that if all of the above were done well, it wouldn't be as sorely missed. In lieu of riveting plot, a fun friendship, character development and empowerment, most viewers have glommed onto Brio like a lifeboat (or ship, heh).

Unfortunately it's also what the show has most stubbornly refused to develop significantly.

It's honestly a toss-up for why I feel Brio is a flaw: is the flaw that they got together? That they never got together well enough? That the writing keeps bringing in these 'chemistry-filled' scenes that are ultimately filled with air?

I don't know. Maybe all of them; maybe just one, depending on the day.

6. Its criticism falls flat without intersectionality

This is a big one because Good Girls is *trying* to do something very clever. As mentioned previously, my favourite theme of the show is how the women's apparent innocence/vulnerability in the eyes of society is their biggest strength. The show plays with this and other interesting themes with varying levels of success, but ultimately they all fall a little flat when they don't feel intersectional.

When Ruby gets sidelined. When Turner, who sees and all but calls out by name Beth's privilege, is portrayed as the villain. When Rio is told he's gonna "pop a cap" in his young child's "ass". When the racist grandma becomes a sympathetic character whom we must later grieve. (And she really didn't have to be racist, now that I think about it? It was just that one line for laughs and that was it.) When, despite the real-world implications, Dean can loudly announce in a store that he's buying a gun to kill someone with and the show just glides past it. When Ruby has to grovel for forgiveness from Beth for trying to protect her husband and family from the system, with no acknowledgement from Beth about how their realities are different. When Rhea gets booted off the show as soon as she's done serving Beth's plot. When Rio gets treated like a prostitute for absolutely no reason. (Oh, and is accused of raping Beth and is literally spoken of as an animal and starts only existing in zero dim lighting as a one-dimensional stereotype... the list goes on.)

7. PR/The actors

I'll risk my life here to sprinkle this in because I do think it's a massive problem. The Manny/Christina of it all is just the tip of the iceberg (although wtf Good Girls? There's nothing you could do to get these two into an interview together??). The main actors do the bare minimum to promote the show and it's weird. I also think it's the height of unprofessionalism to keep characters on the show against the wishes of the majority of the audience just because you enjoy their actors (Boomer confirmed; Dean highly suspected). While, on the flip side of the coin, limiting a character's screentime because you aren't best buddies with them. Having less and less Rio when he's such a fan favourite is dumb; as is not including him in any series marketing material. It feels personal and that isn't how a TV show should be run.

8. The entire hair and wardrobe department needs a stern talking-to