#miles perfect as always smh

[zombified-queer]

It’s always, “Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you. Hate. Hate.”

And never, "Look at you hacker, a pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?"

SMH all girls are the same.

[fieldsofview]

Tell me about SMH!

SMH!! SMH!! SMH is my magnum opus. It's my baby. It's my pride and joy. It's my feral hyper-fixation. It's my project that proves that I can actually finish something of this scale and I'm not in fact doomed to never cross the 20k word mark (I say "finish" loosely, at 145k and counting, it's so fucking close to being done aslk;djfhas;dkj)

SMH is a story about loneliness. About repression. About sacrifice. About grief. About guilt and self-sabotage and forgiveness and mistakes and learning to let go and accepting love and taking ownership over one's life.

SMH is about how one person's choices spider-web (ha! pun intended) across the lives of everyone around them.

Spider-Man: Homesickness

Plot wise: SMH is set in July of 2029, nearly 5 years after the events of Spider-Man: No Way Home. It follows our beloved Peter Parker as he has spent nearly every waking moment, during the last 5 years, either defending his city as Spider-Man or just struggling to get by, not as Peter Parker anymore, but as Peter Strakar. New name. New identity. New life. A life where he won't let himself get too close to anyone, for fear of making the same mistakes again and getting another person he loves killed.

Through a series of choices, a series of mistakes, and a series of happenstance accidents, he's thrown into a network of people who are also, in many ways, just a little broken. He doesn't want to join them, but he's sort of forced too, anyway. Oh, and of course, he's saving his city again, as he always does.

I wanted to write the sequel I don't think the MCU will ever write for Spidey, but that had the emotional weight he deserves. The idea that he has been entirely forgotten by everyone is such a weird little area to play in and I took it to the extreme for this fic.

There are heavy mentions of The Blip and how it affected our cast of characters, as well as grief and power and responsibility. It's told from Peter's perspective, and while he tries to always do what he thinks is best, he's not perfect and he doesn't know everything. And, to top it off, he's pretty heavily in denial about several things that unfold over the story. There are a lot of moving parts amongst the background characters that he's not always privy to, but the echoes bounce around the walls of the story (I'm already considering a sequel or three from other POVs so I can explore those bits more tbh).

The supporting cast is extensive, but it primarily includes Michelle Jones-Watson, Ned Leeds, Gwen Stacy, Mary Jane Watson, Harry Osborn, Miles Morales, Eddie Brock, and Venom.

With that, I leave you with this little snippet from Chapter 3: Adrift

Gwen pushes through the partially opened door into some sort of office/breakroom combination. There’s a desk to the right, piled high with paperwork in front of an outdated computer. To the left, there’s a small table with a few mismatched chairs scattered about.

Leaning against the table is a beautiful redhead. Her hair is braided and fluffy down the center of her head like some kind of faux mohawk, and her makeup is a striking combination of dark and glittery. Sitting on a rusty barstool next to her is a slender, dark-haired man. His shirt seems to have once had sleeves, though they’re absent now, frayed edges accenting his broad shoulders.

If Gwen hears any of the conversation, she doesn’t acknowledge it. Instead, she gives a dramatic bow, bending so low that her nose nearly touches her knees. “I present to you, Peter. He’s our new friend.” She straightens, looking at the two in the room. Peter can’t see her face, but it seems as though something unspoken passes between the three of them.

“Hey,” he says lamely. “I’m, uh, excited to see you play tonight.”

“Peter, hello. Any friend of Gwen’s is a friend of ours.” The redhead walks towards him with her arms outstretched, and by the time he realizes what’s happening, she’s hugging him.

He tries really hard not to think about the fact that this is the first time anyone has hugged him, as Peter, in nearly 5 years. Sure, some people have hugged Spider-Man, especially after some tight rescues, but this is different.

An ache settles in his chest unrelated to this afternoon’s injuries.

“Thank you for coming tonight.” She pulls away from him, looking over his face in a way that makes Peter uncomfortable, though he can’t place why. “My name is Mary-Jane. You can call me Mary or MJ, whichever you prefer.”

MJ.

Nope, not doing that.

“Uh, nice to meet you, Mary.”

She gestures to the man behind her, “This brooding bastard is Harry. He’ll pretend to hate you, but insults are his love language.”

Harry stands and slings a lazy arm around Mary. “Quit giving away my secrets, MJ. And it’s nice to meet you, Pete. Gwen has told us surprisingly little about you, so I’m glad you’re here.” He holds his hand out for Peter to shake.

Gwen looks a bit sheepish at that, pulling at the cuff of her sleeve as she says, “Oh, well, you know…”

Ah. Well, no sense in embarrassing her. “We’re still getting to know each other, but I’m happy to be here. Jiji over here gave me a pretty good sales pitch.” He reaches out a hand and ruffles between the cat ears on Gwen’s hood.

She bats his hands away playfully and smiles at him. “Hey, mind the hair, Deku, I still have a crowd to impress.”

[fuckmeyer]

My favorite thing about the Jasper/Maria ship, dynamic, or whatever is how complicated and mysterious they are, like we don’t know much about them but what we DO know speaks to something deeper going on that isn’t quite explored. Like they make each other worse but they also make each other BETTER! It’s insane to think about really. Everyone’s usually like “they make each other worse!” but you’re like the only person to point out just how much they also make each other better and your points are so solid it got me thinking!

Like it’s honestly crazy to think about how they’re both in such bad circumstances and they’ve done bad things together; but there’s also the fact that they’re so tender and forgiving towards each other, how much they’ve learned from each other (especially from Confederate!Jasper’s side considering he had a LOT to learn/unlearn), and how they made each other stronger, smarter, etc.. while being from two completely different worlds yet they met and bonded through a similar core experience: War.

They became winners together after having lost so much before and they both chose each other naturally. Jasper could have chosen to follow Lucy or Nettie at any time but he chose Maria and he knew from the moment he met them that she was the special one, the leader. “It was immediately clear that the brunette was somehow in charge of the others. If they'd been military, I would have said that she outranked them.”

Maria was able to pick apart his compelling nature and knew he would be special/useful to her too, that’s why she chose to keep him and changed him herself bc one of the others said they were more likely to kill him. She probably didn’t expect to develop feelings for him later down the line but that’s for another conversation lol. They met by chance and they chose each other. They saw something.

I think both characters know this deep down and that’s why they still have some leftover feelings for each other. To me it’s the only thing that explains their out-of-character behavior towards each other. Like come on there’s no way Jasper is just thinking and talking about Maria like that if she didn’t still have an impact on him and there’s no way Maria’s just randomly thinking of him enough to want to find and visit him if he didn’t have some sort of impact on her too.

That speaks to so much potential between them. If they were so powerful and successful and hung-up on each other in the unfortunate situations they were in, imagine how powerful and strong they’d have been if they were in better circumstances. It gives me such a “right person, wrong time” feeling with them. Idk just my thoughts. You seem like the only person I can share these with lol.

- same anon btw

ANON it's wonderful to see you in my inbox again!!! you know i'm always here for Loving María Hours 🥰

you're right, there's so much deeper shit going on between Jasper & María, it's kinda crazy that all these other characters/ships get so much more attention when Jasper/María literally have a built-in story! (no hate to those who create content on minor characters ofc — we're all out here doing the lord's work LMAO)

you really hit it on the head. like the fact that their story is so "evil" and their characters are so "bad" speaks to the gentleness and goodness that obviously came out of their relationship considering Jasper is now a vegetarian Cullen freak. & the idea that the external conflict (war) is used as a vehicle AND as a symbol for their own internal conflicts & the thematic discussion at hand?!?!?! THE STORY 👏 WRITES👏 ITSELF👏👏👏

bro ofc Jasper followed María!! bad bitches only. & at the end of it all Lucy & Nettie AINT SHIT! they betrayed their covenmate! smh. tbh it spoke volumes that she had no problem killing them YET took so long (& ultimately did not) kill Jasper. girl can sniff betrayal from a mile away & even though she let the paranoia get the best of her, in the end she didn't let it control her 😇 it's not a perfect cutesy HEA, but dammit if it's not GROWTH

only semi-related, but the fact that Jasper mentions she had a good judge of character, and the fact that she seemed to look specifically for humans who would be gifted/powerful, makes me wonder if she didn't have some sort of gift herself. i like to think that Nettie & Lucy didn't betray her bc of something she did but rather bc they simply couldn't cope with the way María always chose Jasper & her country above all. María's gift is that she sees the good & the strength & value in people. even when they don't see it in themselves. war is simply not a good medium for people to reach their full potential...& once María draws it out of them, they discover want more for themselves than what death & violence can give them. in Nettie & Lucy's case, they lash out bc they assume they will never live up to María's vision. in Jasper's case, he defects so he can live up to the person she sees in him ❤️ María's weakness is she gets so focused on her mission she gets tunnel vision, so these are all seen to her as betrayals

but i imagine María realizes this down the road & works on healing herself instead of her country. obviously the Southern Wars haven't gotten out of control, & wtf does Jasper know about the South's situation after his 150-year absence? maybe the fact that she hasn't gotten herself in trouble lets him know that she's more focused these days on looking out for herself, finding potential within instead of working in vain to fix something that can realistically never be repaired in the way she always dreamed. & that's ok :)

all he knows is she's got a softer side & that he's rooting for her on her own journey to healing, & he will always wish her well 😌

TLDR TRUE TRUE, ANON. right person, wrong time.

all hail María ❤️

[scatteredfangirling]

Four Continents 2023: Men’s FS

okay i made it !!

work’s been a complete bitch this week but glad I finally got to tune in for this :^)

came in the middle of group 2 -

Sihyeong Lee (KOR)

so many rippon arms...like damn

such a good fight!! i really do like this program on him

korean skating is onward and upward man...i’m so excited for this whole team

Liam Kapeikis (USA)

ah yes moulin rouge the warhorse...it has so much of a reputation that there’s so much pressure to deliver a good program for it...

had some bobbles and bad jumps...and then started getting it back together

also kinda suffers from windmill arms...

so many falls T-T my guy, your time will come

Mikhail Shaidorov (KAZ)

literally have never watched mikhail ever, so interested to see how this goes

good technical foundation as far as i can see, nice flow on his jumps

def was struggling stamina wise at the step sequence towards the end...colorado really is unforgiving with the altitude difference

Stephen Gogolev (CAN)

i feel like i saw his spartacus program at the very beginning of the season, so curious to see how it’s evolved

not the 2S... and the other 2S... :’)

ignoring the double sals...a solid showing!! it just sucks that he literally gets no points for those :|

Koshiro Shimada (JPN)

not my fave program of his (imo nobody does chaplin like javi), but oh well

he’s really zipping around the ice today - his lines are always sooo nice

the 2a jump sequence... man that was a lofty one and he still had enough momentum to do an euler and a triple sal after???

def still waiting on him to grow his performance/presence more in the next few seasons...this wasn’t technically his best or worst performance, but adding just a bit more Energy to it makes such a difference

Jaeseok Kyeong (KOR)

first time watching him - his outfit is giving me cute stylish bookworm vibes

wish he’d extend his lines all the way through his hands - they’re really pretty and then it stops at his wrist

good recovery after the fall on the opening 3A. he’s also pretty speedy

the music shift is fun !!

i’m obsessed, this whole program was so fun, and you felt the energy in the first 20s even though he completely bombed the first jump

Maxim Naumov (USA)

i’ve also never watched maxim ever so this will be new for me

the music is called “iron, shadows, loyal” is this a fantasy soundtrack cut or have i been living under a rock

rough start with several hard falls :(

what is with the men and 2_1Eu3_ sequences tonight

i like this music cut though...(feels like he’s trying to follow in jimmy’s stylistic footsteps) but tonight’s performance was stressful

what can i say, i love men who can perform and have terrible jump consistency

Conrad Orzel (CAN)

it’s been eons since i last watched conrad...

ohhh “paint it black” ??? just wish he had a more interesting all black outfit

solid perf technically, hoping he is able to give it more oomph by the time worlds rolls around (assuming he is sent to worlds)

Shun Sato (JPN)

(oh my god i swear i typed shun’s thing and then it didn’t save smh)

his jumps are so soft and precise !! so smooth

can’t wait for him to grow a bit more in the next few seasons and become a total Show Stopper

Junhwan Cha (KOR)

junhwan pls medal PLS

that opening jump on the james bond theme...man oh man

noooo he tapped the boards when he fell

the fuckin popped 2A...chaotic

this is such a great james bond music cut, but alas this was not his best showing

Boyang Jin (CHN)

i honestly feel like i haven’t seen boyang since olys...which were a full year ago...

it’s so weird to me that nathan and shoma aren’t at this comp with him...there was an era where the three of them were everywhere

this is soft and unsnoozy music, aka perfect

not his best skate, but so good to see him out here !! can’t wait to see this program when he’s in better shape and not competing a mile high

Jimmy Ma (USA)

jimmy getting 3rd in the SP was not something i was expecting...but let’s gooo

clair de lune is a very Normal choice...and then it cuts to the EDM music we expect from him (always can rely on jimmy to bring us to the club)

there were some chaos pops (1A...lol) but he seems happy with it overall !!

3rd in the sp to 11th in the fs to 7th overall...yup the chaos of the men’s event

Keegan Messing (CAN)

the world’s favorite, father of two - i’m emo over him giving jimmy a hug as they pass each other on the ice

i’ve seen this program so much this year, and it’s a packaging that would be cheesy for anyone else, but it works SO well for him

two clean 4Ts and 3As?? he’s on FIRE

that’s it, 4CC is over, give him the gold (i’m sorry kao, it literally doesn’t matter how well you do. keegan deserves first in my heart)

Kao Miura (JPN)

kao literally wasn’t on my radar until i saw him this season during the grand prix series...and MAN oh MAN when he’s on, he’s ON

when he ups his performance energy, it will be the end of me

his jumps rotate so evenly (idt that makes sense, but it makes sense to me)

really milking the chorus of this song...hell yeah !!

wow. what an event !!

[chrissdollie]

talking about each of rory's boyfriends

dean: ugh. ik EVERYONE says this, but s1 dean was just like soo perfect. too good to be true. he was cute, charming, and kind. i think he was a good 1st bf for rory. besides the fact that he freaking dumped her just because she wasnt ready to say "i love you back" and didnt respect her opinion on donna reed. and theres more. s4, took advantage of her and took away her virginity (im not fully blaming him, rory made me really mad too). like dude, he was MARRIED. poor lindsay didn't deserve being treated the way she was also. she just wanted to be with her husband. and then he based their (rory and dean) little relationship on sex. LIKE HUH?? when he was drunk the night before his wedding, he was saying how rory could fix the world, he loved her, and how she was so smart. what happened to that like what.. overall, i think he was great for a while until he wasn't. he also didn't have any character development at all. jess: in case you haven't seen any of my other posts, i am 100% team jess. i could write an essay about why he was the best bf, but i wont. and im not saying he was perfect at all. like ofc not, no one is! but the little things he did were just soo cute even when they weren't together. like buying rory's basket for $90! ughhh i love that episode sm. anyways, i love the fact that they were genuinely great friends before lovers. AND LETS TALK ABOUT SEASON 6. "wHy did you drop out of yAAleE?" iconic. okok so i absolutely adore that he was being totally honest with her. he was just real. like "rory, wtf are you doing?" he got her head back in the game. omg i saw this one post that was saying how when logan bought rory that birkin bag, she thought it was nice but didnt really know how to respond, but when jess gave her a copy of his book, she was really happy. because she has something special with him. ALSO did anyone else notice how jess was the only bf she didnt have sex with?? not really too important, but just wanted to say that. in AYITL, he gave rory the idea to write a book. i feel like he was always there for her. always. as a friend, bf, ex, and then friend again. through her ups and downs, he was there. fight me all you want, they shouldve been endgame. i was a upset when he got all angry when rory didn't want to have sex with him in another person's house. ik that he was moody or wtv but still. AND THE FACT THAT HE JUST LEFT WITHOUT TELLING RORY. im not saying he shouldve stayed (well i kinda am) but i was so mad that he just left her in the dark. also totally not necessary, but here are some of my fav quotes from him. "ernest only has lovely things to say about you", "i love you", "an innocent boy like me should not be raised in an atmosphere like this! i wanna be good, life's just not letting me", "i like this shirt. it brings out my eyes", "it feels like im with rory and youre not", "wanna push me in the lake?", "22.8 miles. do you YAHOO?" i have more in the dungeon logan: 2nd fave bf. he was meh. sometimes he was an absolute jerkk but i do like how he pushed her out of her comfort zone a bit. AND how he tried the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing because he liked her so much. and personally, when jess went to visit rory in s6 ep8, i think he had a valid reason to be upset. like he literally pulled up to richard and emily's to see rory with a random dude going out. and the first thing she said to him was "when did you get back? i thought you were coming home tomorrow?" i mean i could totally see why he thought something was going on. (but he did overdo it a little. at first it was understandable but as the night went on, he was just being plain rude). on the other hand, he was kinda boring to me. i feel like he didnt really have much of a personality besides being rory's bf. BUT I HATE HATE HATEEEEE that he was hooking up with rory and ENGAGED TO ANOTHER WOMAN in AYITL. its like dean all over again smh. tbh im glad rory didnt end up with him. BUT HES HER BABY DADDY (im pretty sure) LIKE NOOOO anyways, these are just my opinions and feel free to disagree just dont bash me please <3

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

Yeah Manfred, for one, literally ruined two entires lives with what he did to Gregory. But the needing to be Perfect is like. I know the time line is all wonky but Miles is seven or six years older than Franziska so him leaving her behind as he went all baby prosecutor mode was just. Him being six or seven years older. She was a toddler when they met so he’s been her Little Brother basically all her life. And Miles really needed that kinda innocent adoration and interest she had in him when she was a kid bc if he had been alone? Can’t imagine how much worse things could’ve been in Manfred didn’t at least have his own kid to think about at the time. But poor girl felt like she had to give 200% in order to keep up with Miles when if she had a not ihhh objectively evil father they could’ve been an unstoppable duo from the jump. Or. Once Miles got a bit older bc again. Nine is kinda young to have your life stolen from you but. Gah.

Evil fathers / dead fathers / dead family is a big theme in this game. Why couldn’t Phoenix ever gotten like a case about theft it’s ALWAYS murder. (I guess he’s a criminal defense attorney specifically.???? But istg when I get to the damn circus in my play through I’m loading into the game and arresting 80% of the ppl in that case LEAVE REGINA ALONE)

"if she had a not ihhh objectively evil father they could’ve been an unstoppable duo from the jump" very true! some competitiveness is normal for siblings but franziska always felt properly in miles's shadow in a way that really messed with her own self-worth. and god the whole DL6 incident is so angsty from every angle for everyone invovled, you're so right that it was good that miles had a sister-figure to keep him company after that. my brain is kinda sleep-deprived at the moment so i can't quite put all my thoughts into words properly but you said it, these two have such an interesting dynamic and i love them, i love them so much

(also wait how far into the games are you? i don't want to spoil anything!) and yes omg regina is too young for this, let her live her life smh

[muddlemore]

every day i cry because i dont have these weird fucking ds9 life size cardboard cutouts from the 90s

[dameronology]

poe dameron relationship alphabet

requested by....me, bitch. has one very minor reference to adult themes. 

a - actions. what sort of things do they do to show they love their s.o?

poe is all about physical touch. not just the bog standard hugging and kissing, but small, intimate actions. he likes holding your hand under the table at breakfast and during meetings, and he’ll keep one on the small of your back as you walk through the corridors of the resistance base. at night, the bare minimum for poe is tangling your fingers together - but most the time, he’s gonna basically sleep on top of you.

b - beginnings. how did the relationship begin? how has it changed?

in the beginning, poe would have been acting solely on his physical attraction to you - i’m talking flirty comments, winking at you across the room and doing everything within his power to try and romance you into going on a date with him (whilst still absolutely respecting your boundaries, of course). once he realises your personality, the man is tripping and fucking falling for you - so nothing about his attraction to you changes. it just gets deeper, and your connection becomes stronger. he still likes your butt tho. 

c - comfortable. how comfy are they with each other? peeing with the door open close, or would they rather keep the mystery?

he’d try to keep the mystery in the beginning, but he’s so chill around you that it’s gone within the first few months. he’s prepared to be unhealthily close. like lilly & marshal from how i met your mother close. 

d - dates. do they consider dates to be important? what kind do they prefer? 

once you’re together, he’ll try and take you on a date at least once a fortnight - and it’s only because leia gently told him that your nightly rituals of eating pizza in your pajamas didn’t count as a date. smh.

e - engagement. how would they propose? who would even pop thw question?

it probably won’t be a proper proposal. chances are, poe will say ‘hey, let’s get married!’ and...yeah. it’s both underwhelming and overwhelming all at once, so really, it’s perfect.

f - fundamental. for them, what is the most fundamental part of a relationship?

being each other’s ride or die, and also having a good chemistry. i understand those are two completely different things, but poe needs an s.o who will give their everything to him, as well as one who he can verbally and mentally spar with someone. someone who will help him a hide a body, but also someone who can make him laugh (and i hope to the high heavens that those two scenarios are not connected in any way <3) 

g - gratitude. how do they show their appreciation for you?

wink wonk. u know how he’s gonna show appreciation. 

but also, when he’s a little bit sleepy and a little bit soft, he’ll quietly murmur things to you - the most prevalent one being how he can’t get his head around the fact you’re with him, and how appreciative he is of all the ways you’ve changed his life. 

h - home. a random domestic headcanon.

poe refuses to sleep until he knows that both you and bb-8 are ok. in a perfect world, you’d be curled up in bed together (ideally with beebs in his charging port, but there are some things poe just won’t compromise on) but if you’re in separate locations, he just needs a simple message.

i - infinite. do they believe their love is endless, or is there something that could break it?

literally endless and unbreakable. even if you betrayed him in every way he knew to be possible, he’d still try and find a way to bring you back around. 

j - jokes. who’s the funny one?

it’s gotta be him. i’m sorry.

k - kiss. how do they kiss? favourite type?

poe’s favourite type of kiss is the soft ones you exchange first thing in the morning - but, he also loves the desperate ones after you reunite after a mission. you know the holding onto each other for dear life, teeth clashing, foreheads touching kinda kiss? 

l - longing. who’s the clingy one? how are they with long distance?

he is hands down the clingy one. it’s not suffocating, but when he gets into a whiny mood, that’s it. he’s not going anywhere. 

m - marriage. do they wanna get married?

ideally, yes. his parents marriage was such a fundamental and important part of his childhood, and he wants to find the same connection with someone.

n - nicknames. what ones do they like?

his favourite for both you and him is babe. 

o - over the top. are they ever ott? or are they more low-key?

he can be over the top; usually when he’s done something to piss you off, he’ll go absolutely out of the way to pull out all the stops - it’s either to beg for your forgiveness or to distract you from the dumb thing that you’re yet to discover 

p - picture. what’s their favourite picture of them and their s.o?

one time, you fell asleep on top of each other in a bar after a few too many drinks. you were laying in his lap, and poe had one hand holding yours as he slumped against finn’s side - the latter of whom got a selfie of the three of you in that very position. it’s poe’s background on his work tablet.

q - quintessential. what is one they would refuse to compromise in their relationship? what’s a deal-breaker for them?

as aforementioned, there’s very little that could make poe ever turn away from you. you’ve bonded in a way that goes beyond your souls and again, even if you completely and entirely hurt him, he’d still see the good in you. 

t - tattoo. would they ever get matching tattoos with their s.o, or a tattoo for them?

absolutely!! i reckon it would be something small, maybe on his forearm. 

u - understanding. how understanding are they? or are they a little difficult?

poe would never, ever be difficult with you (not intentionally). if you’re worried about something, he’s gonna listen and make you feel validated, no matter what it is. he’d be willing to sit down for hours on end and listen to you complain about cheese - if anything, he’s just glad to be in a relationship where you get one another 

v - vases. do they buy flowers?

yes!! mostly when he hasn’t seen you for a while or to cheer you up.

w - wandering. do they wanna travel? or immediately settle down?

once the first order is down, he’d want to travel a bit - there’s a lot of the galaxy he hasn’t seen yet, and a lot of different places he wants to explore. he also absolutely wants to try the kessel run. but, once that is all out the way, he’d definitely want to settle down somewhere. he needs it, really. 

x - ex. how many exes do they have? any horror stories?

poe probably has a pretty average amount of break-up and relationship horror stories - maybe two or three. of course, he’s told you them all.

(there was also one really awks run in with zorii bliss). 

y - you. favourite thing about their partner?

poe loves the stability you bring to his life. even when the galaxy is moving at a million miles an hour, it slows down when he’s with you. you’re the one he can always count on, and the one he can always turn to you. he can rely on you for anything & you can both sleep safe knowing you have each other’s backs. he also loves that he can laugh with you. 

z - zeal. how excitable are they? who’s the calm one?

poe is absolutely the excitable one. he can be calm when need be, but his upbeat and optimistic attitude is one of the things that made you fall in love with him

[realcube]

characters with a fem! s/o who’s voice is on the deeper side 🎶

characters:  akaashi, tendou, kenma (hq), mikoshiba (mgn-k), and hikaru (ohshc)

tw// swearing

thanks for this cute request, anon! 💕

keiji akaashi 

♡ adorable! he can’t get enough of hearing you talk

♡ and if you sing, he’ll definitely ask you to sing some of his favourite songs (❤´艸｀❤)

♡ or if you walk into a room while he is reading - and you don’t look preoccupied - he’ll ask you to read the book to his bc of his terrible ‘eye strain’ 

♡ but you both know that he just wants to hear your voice lol ^^

♡ and don’t you dare try be insecure about it (or about anything) bc he will write you a 10 page essay on why you are the most perfect person ever <33

♡ he is 100% the sorta guy to give you the ✨eyes✨

♡ like yk the look were you just gaze at someone, eyes filled with nothing but pure love and adoration for you 

♡ for a change i don’t have an emoticon to describe it but it’s kind like a mix of this one😌 and this one ◉_◉

satori tendō

♡ SDFRTYUI HE LOVES YOU VOICE 😍 ESPECIALLY YOUR LAUGH!!

♡ don’t even get him started on your laugh 

♡ like akaashi, if tendō knew how to read he’d write a whole 10 page essay on why your laugh is heavenly 

♡ he probably has a cult dedicated to you- actually maybe not- 

♡ anyway, he goes the extra mile to make you laugh just so he can see your smile and hear your divine voice 

♡ and even if y’all don’t have the same sense of humour, he’ll always insist in watching your favourite comedy shows - despite the fact he doesn’t find them funny - bc he loves seeing you happy that much 🥺

♡ oh and he tickles you (if you’re alright w/ it ofc)

♡ and he’s really good with his finger so expect to get a stitch from laughing within the first ten seconds

♡ he also thinks your morning voice is dead cute (❤ ω ❤)

♡ usually he wakes up after you but he forces himself to wake up when your alarms goes off so he can talk to you before you go to work/uni/college etc

kenma kuzome

♡ your voice relaxes him tbh 🥰

♡ so please ramble about anything to him while y’all are in bed - it helps him sleep :)

♡ ALSO SOMETIMES WHEN HE IS PLAYING A VIDEO GAMES WITH WRITTEN DIALOG (like an rpg) AND GETS YOU TO READ OUT THE LINES OF CERTAINS CHARACTERS

♡ it’s like using a script for a play but...better 

♡ also, the more effort you put into your role as the assigned character, the more endeared he will be

♡ just anything to hear you speak lol

♡ oh and if you’re the sort of person to talk to yourself/sing/hum while doing a task, kenma will act as if he isn’t listening and he is very involved in his game but in reality he is just vibin, listening to you talking or lightly bobbing his head to the melody you produced 

♡ sometimes he turns the volume of his game on full to see if you’ll hum along with the music

♡ ERTYUIO KK BUBBLEGUM HUM KK BUBBLEGUM IN FRONT OF HIM AND HE’LL LITERALLY GET DOWN ON ONE KNEE AND MARRY YOU ON THE STOP NO JOKE 

(i tried to do something with the little character banner thing but smh it’s really not it :/)

mikoto mikoshiba 

♡ he adores your voice and he is so defensive of it (along with every other aspect of you)

♡ like if kashima ever tries to compliment you on it , mikoshiba will LITERALLY TACKLE HER

♡ ‘STOP TALKING TO MY GIRLFRIEND LIKE THAT! DO YOU HAVE NO SHAME?!’

♡ ‘chill, man! i just called her pretty--’

♡  ‘so you basically hit on her in front of my very eyes’

♡ on dates, sometimes he just zones out while he is admiring your beauty and you kinda just shuffle in your seat like ‘uh, are you okay, mikoshiba?’

♡ and as soon as he snaps out of his simping thoughts, he feels the need to explain what he was doing in a romantic fashion so he didn’t seem like a love-sick fool

♡ ‘i am so sorry, my love~ i simply lose myself in your grace and divine presence every so often. though, i could blame it on you for being so darn adorable all the time’

♡ he thinks it’s cool and suave in the moment but that same night when he is laying in bad, recalling on the date, he cringes so hard...

♡ but anyway, he also shows you off a lot to the girls that are falling for him left and right

♡ it doesn’t really anger them though- if anything it just makes them fall ahrder bc they see how well he treats you and they’re like ‘omg he’s such a gentleman eeee 😍😫’

(smh maybe i should just stick to my usual ones)

hikaru hitachiin

♡ gets shy ><

♡ sometimes he gest kaoru to compliment you on his behalf

♡ but that was before y’all were dating bc now he knows that you are able to tell them apart

♡ i mean, you were always able to tell them apart but now he knows that you know

♡ he also peppers you with all the love and affection in public like he really has no shame

♡ ok- anyway- back to the voice

♡ he loves your voice so much ofc <33

♡ he hides his addiction to hearing you talk behind tutoring 

♡ but it really frustrates you bc you’ll spend hours going over his foreign language vocabulary with him and he’ll just be like ‘sorry- i zoned out thinking about you, baby - could you go over that again?’

♡ you blinked rapidly, ‘go over what part?’

♡ ‘all of it.’

♡ ‘for fucks sake, hikaru.’

♡ oh and off-topic again but he uses you as a model for his mother’s clothing

[kachulein]

I'm so irritated I'd love to slap a bitch (metaphorically). [story time rant incoming]

There's this American dude who's lived in Switzerland for a while and he used to interact with my mom and me on Instagram. Back then he had a romantic interest in my mom and got upset that she never posted pictures of herself and instead shared pictures of me sometimes. This led to him starting to attack me and my Instagram feed, and also saying I'm just one of those little tweens who post too many selfies (fun fact, I don't even exclusively post selfies, I also post pictures of landscapes/sunsets and my cat whereas he is the one who has had his face in. every. single. post.). On top of it all, he also criticised our English despite knowing it's not our first language. My mom obviously got extremely angry and told him off (do you really think you can stand a chance with a woman if you insult her kid?!) and told me to block him which I did. However, she didn't block him and so, she can still see his activities on Instagram.

With that being said, his "obsession" with Switzerland and wanting to find a Swiss woman to marry seems very suspicious to me. And especially with what I'm about to tell you, it will become even more clear that he seems to fetishize our people and country rather than having a real interest in our culture. My mom told me he's literally everywhere. Following and interacting with Swiss women on Instagram, following all of our different news sites and he's always dropped his likes already whenever my mom comes across a post. And today, the Instagram account of our "Swiss Radio and Television" broadcasting company made an IG-TV post about a Swiss singer who's one of the judges in a new talent show. And this dude had the audacity to comment under the post something along the lines of "here in Los Angeles, in the heart of the music and entertainment industry, we've never heard of this guy".

Well, duh. You're not in Los Angeles, you're on a Swiss Instagram account who posts about an influential and famous Swiss singer. WHY THE FUCK should people in Los Angeles know of him? Are you only relevant once LA folks know of your existence? Smh.

My mom then replied to his comment and tried to reason with him but his answers kept being entitled and arrogant. This dude is the literal definition of the stigmatised version of Americans who think they're the greatest on earth. But on the other hand, he keeps gushing about Switzerland and how much he loves and misses our country. Something is not adding up here, can you see it already..?

If he had an actual interest in our country and culture, he would get informed about our music scene and the most well-known Swiss singers and bands. Especially considering he's a musician himself and used to play in a band... wouldn't it be expected of him to be informed about our music industry if his interest in our country was as genuine as he claims?

And secondly, at this point I'm assuming it's neither about Switzerland or Swiss women. What I believe is that he has the notion that Swiss people are rich and if he can land himself a Swiss woman he wouldn't have to care about money anymore.

It's just so annoying. He sucks up to every Swiss woman and always boasts about the fact he's lived in Switzerland for a while but then in the same breath, he bashes one of our singers for absolutely no reason?? Just because a Swiss news site posted about him?? What's wrong with that?

To be frank, I've rarely met such an unlikeable person as this dude and I will never forget him criticising our English back then... it's just another display of his entitlement: expecting everyone to speak perfect English. But one thing is crystal clear; my English is miles better than his Swiss German and I'm done feeling insecure about my English skills based on an insult from an irrelevant dude from years ago.

[orionwhispers]

Swan Song// Thomas Shelby 🍸

(A.N )- holy shit. holy shit. you guys... its finally finished. it took months but its finally done!!here is the long awaited and highly requested lolita wedding. im so happy you guys finally get to read it! i feel like my baby has all grown up lol. there might be errors and stuff bc its 16k words and im exhausted but hopefully you enjoy it. thanks for being so wonderful and patient. ily) also sorry for all the pics in the moodboard being white i try and be inclusive but smh pinterest sucks sometimes, anyone is welcome here. we are all hoes for tommy)

Trigger Warnings; so much fucking fluff, implied smut, some angst and mention of past injury.

PART 1  PART 2

It was one of those dreamy midsummer nights.

When even the sun didn’t want to retire for the evening; the sky a rich, milky blue, and the air still thick and warm like honey. You were on the window seat, clad in one of Ada’s many wedding presents, a blush silk slip and matching robe, a gift she had brought back from her week in Boston.

You were happy. Irrevocably so. The floor and love seat crowded with the people you held closest to your heart, the room smelt of expensive vanilla candles and strawberry wine, and the deep throaty rumble of laughter filled every empty space.

It was perfect. Well - almost.

You missed him.

It was only one night apart, you had spent longer times separated when he went out of town for business or you had a rambunctious girls weekend with Ada and Esme - but still you missed him entirely.

You knew he missed you too. That much was obvious from the disdain on his face when Arthur and Polly laid bare their plans for the night before your wedding. There hadn’t been time for an engagement party let alone a bachelor party - a few weeks after announcing the news Tommy had been due to attend to some business in New York, and he was adamant that you were to come along. He wanted to treat you, show you the vibrant city and all of the glitz and glamour of Broadway, but you knew that was only part of the reason. He didn’t like you out of his sight for too long, the wound on your chest might have been puckering into a scar but the pain was still fresh in his mind and his overprotectiveness had tripled.

After a brilliant few weeks away in the big apple, filled with passionate, breathless kisses and red satin dresses and driving hand in hand down the Brooklyn bridge, you finally returned home - but much like the city you had just left, Thomas Shelby had no time for sleeping. He was knee deep in new deals and navigating his partnership with Alfie Solomon’s, as well as his new venture of manufacturing gin. Despite the long nights and the early mornings, you never felt neglected. You loved him, all of him, and that included his workhorse nature and tenacity. And besides, he struggled being away from you, finding himself noticing the lack of warmth in his office, when at home you would be perched on his lap, pressing dizzying kisses to the base of his neck. He missed the sound of your laugh and the way that you giggled, biting your lip innocently, making him want to bite it even harder.

He loved you, and that god awful summer had shown him that all he truly cared about was having you by his side. So for every night he was at the office, or every morning he was out of bed before you woke up, he made it up to you with a weekend away, or a signed first edition of your favourite book, or a piece of jewellery he had made for you. They might have been material things, but the meaning couldn’t be clearer, he was hopelessly, dangerously, completely, in love with you.

His main present to you though, arrived a few days after his sudden proposal in his office.

He originally wanted to take you into London, show you the finest jewellers by the water and let you choose anything that caught your eye - only the best for his best girl - but, after everything, his plans had changed.

Truthfully, marriage had been on the tip of his tongue since that very first day he locked eyes with you in the Garrison. He knew he had to have you, even before he knew your name, and by the time the two of you first kissed, tasting like sweet strawberries and cigarettes, he knew you would be the woman to take his.

But things got in the way. Marriage wasn’t as simple as it might have been for the people you passed in the streets. Marriage to him was like putting a target on your back, it meant your entire life being intertwined with his, the whole world knowing that you were the woman that made him fall to his knees. It would take everything from you, and the darkness would slowly start to seep into the light that surrounded you, and he needed to keep you safe for as long as he could. He knew he was going to marry you, it was just as clear in his mind as it was that he was the leader of the Blinders, you were the missing piece in his puzzle.

But of course, his plans were blown to smithereens when the bullet shattered your collarbone that summers eve. His visions of red roses and rich wine and getting on one knee, feeling like a goddamn kid again when you gave him that smile as he pushed the ring onto your finger, were flung to the wind. And instead, his honeyed words were swapped with breathless desire and need, whispered in your hair as you were cradled in his arms, in the afterglow of such a dreadful day.

The one thing he knew he could get right, however, was the ring.

It had to be special. It had to be you. Something soft and sweet and gentle, but with an edge - sharp and strong and beautiful. Of course, it would be impossible to find any diamond or pearl that could compete with your beauty, but he wanted you to have the best.

That wasn’t the only reason though.

It had more to do with the jewel that had hung around your neck that day at the ball, the one that haunted him when the sky got dark and you were fast asleep beside him. He had come so close to losing you, only a hair away from the girl he loved being buried, and the thought was driving him mad. He controlled every aspect of his life, but this was something completely out of his grasp, and he needed to stop his dangerous thoughts.

He hadn’t been superstitious since he was a boy chasing his brothers through fields of wildflowers and listening to Polly’s ramblings by the fire, but he had to rule out every possibility. So a few days after he proposed, and with the best doctor in Birmingham giving you the all clear (and triple checking that the house was secured and being watched by practically a small army of Blinders - and a stern warning to Michael, Isaiah and Finn that if even a hair on top of your head was misplaced by the time he got back, none of them would be able to have any children)- he set off.

He told you he was signing a deal in Manchester, but he was really only a few miles away, at the campsite where he had spent the majority of his youth. It was all rolling hills of deep emerald and jade, and fog that curled and twisted around his ankles, and for the first time in a long time, he felt out of place. He had chosen the ring with the help of Polly, who was adamant she knew your taste better than him, something he vehemently denied.

It was beautiful and unique, just like you, and he never felt such a profound rush of love quite like when he pictured slotting it onto your finger. It was big, but not overly so - nothing tacky or too much, Tommy knowing that you never wanted anything glimmering or gaudy and that you’d probably hit him and then faint if you knew the price. But, in his eyes - nothing was too expensive for his little girl. Besides, he particularly liked the way the ring shone in the light, imagining all the men that would fuck off and leave with their tail between their legs when they saw it and realised that the most beautiful woman in the room was already spoken for.

The diamond was brilliant and a “Princess” cut, something that made him smirk because it was one of his favourite pet names for you, and he couldn’t imagine anything more fitting. The band was solid gold, two different paths that intertwined and curled like summer vines, making him think of the lightness and whimsy you carried around you. What really sold him though, were the soft, twinkling rose quartz gems that cocooned the diamond.

“For protection.” Polly had muttered as he twisted the ring between his fingers under the dim lighting in the store. He had rolled his eyes when she spoke but secretly the meaning behind them made his gut twist. Protection was something that he needed you to have in abundance, even if it came from small crystals the size of a half grain of rice.

The ring was so perfect. So rare and alluring and undeniably you, and he walked out the door with the feeling of pure content, something that only even happened when he thought of you. But he knew there was more for him to do. He sent Polly home, ignoring the raised eyebrows she gave him and brushed off the sixth sense his Aunt had always had. And with the ring safely nestled in its plush navy box in his breast pocket, he drove off.

The campsite felt like the past. It felt as though he was visiting somewhere deep in the confines of his mind, somewhere that he had locked and stored away and forgotten about, only now being able to see through the thick haze of smog. He met the elderly woman by the doors of her caravan, noticing the difference between his sharp suit and the furs and shawls she had covering her body. She smiled and invited him in, pouring him a cup of something that smelt like sap and crisp autumn apples.

“It’s been a long time, Thomas.” She said, eyes so dark they almost looked black as she watched him curiously.

“That it has.”

“What brings you to this part of the woods then? I thought you would have forgotten about the rest of us.”

It was a dig, but he refused to rise to it. He wasn’t in the mood for petty jibes.

“I’ve been busy.”

“So I hear.” She exhaled, stirring her tea meticulously with a golden spoon. “They tell me you’re practically running the country.”

He smiled softly and falsely, digging his hand deep into his pocket. “Let’s cut to the chase, eh?” He pulled out the small box, opening it in his palm, and twisting it round so that the clear cut diamond was twinkling right before her.

She grinned, leaning forward on her elbows to get a better look. “It’s beautiful. Must have cost a pretty penny.”

“The woman it’s for is worth it.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

“I know why you’re here,Tom. The boys told me what happened at that party of yours.”

He cleared his throat, not liking the lack of control he had over the conversation.

“Right, well then. Just tell me what I need to know.”

She closed her eyes, muttering something under her breath, and Tommy sat back on his haunches, his eyebrows raised in disbelief. Was he really fucking doing this? Sitting in a caravan in the middle of fucking nowhere getting his jewellery cleansed by some batty old woman he knew as a child? It went against everything he believed in, and was the exact opposite of the calm and level headed way he ran his business.

But then he thought of you. And your light. Your sweetness and the sound of your laugh, the curve of your lips and the flowers you wore in your hair and the grass stains on your little white dresses. He thought of the scar that ran along your collarbone, and the feeling of white hot desperation that had coursed through him when he that you might not wake up.

You were worth it. Fuck sensibilities and rationality. He’d drive to the fucking ends of the earth if it meant that it would keep you even just a little bit safer.

After what felt like an age, the woman opened her eyes and raised her head. She used the edge of one of her many colourful scarves to wipe the surface of the gems, her hands moving in quick, rhythmic circles.

“It’s clean.” She said. “There’s nothing bad on it. At least, not that I can see.”

Tommy felt the anvil strapped to his chest suddenly fill and float like a balloon, but he didn’t let it show. Instead, he brushed off the relief flooding though his body, and straightened up. “Well I came to the best.”

She smiled, both smugly and bashfully, the way most women felt around Tommy. “That you did my love.”

His fingertips merely brushed the top of the roll of money he had stuffed in his pocket, and the elderly woman sat back, shaking her head at him.

“It’s on the house. Maybe you can bring your girl around one day, I know we’d all like to meet her.”

Not fucking likely he thought. No way in hell would he bring you to a place like this, whilst he still had good memory’s of his youth, he didn’t trust the people that still lurked in the fields around this place.

Wanting to settle the score, he held out a wad of notes. “I insist.”

“And I decline.”

He didn’t like the way the conversation had ended, it didn’t sit quite right with him. He liked to make his deals as open and closed as possible, money was the best way to seal a deal, he didn’t work with favours. “Right, well. Thank you for everything.”

He looked out of the windows of the caravan as he gathered his things. It was starting to get dark, the sky blushing like summer strawberries and freshly sliced peaches, the air still a little thick from the heat. All that he wanted now was to get home to you, everything else had faded to static in his ears. He bit back a grin as he thought of how you would smile, all teeth and round cheeks and wide eyes when he showed you the ring. He imagined it sitting pretty on your finger, the nudge of the jewel against his when you intertwined hands and the way it would dazzle at night, not nearly as beautiful as you as you laid beneath him, sweaty and breathless and ethereal.

As sudden as a gunshot, sharp words from behind him cut through his daydreams like a blade.

“Have you ever considered, Tom?”

He merely paused, not even bothering to spin on his heel and face her. He knew what she was going to say and yet it still felt like a knife digging into a fresh wound as she continued speaking.

“That maybe it’s not the jewels? Maybe it’s you?”

He wasn’t the type of man to back down from a fight, and he was the unrivalled champion of maintaining his composure and remaining calm under every type of pressure, but even he couldn’t deny the shivers that twisted around the bottom of his spine at the implication of her words.

“Yes. I have.”

He could feel her shifting behind him, ready to lure him in, tell him the thing that kept him up at night and clawed at his throat when he watched you sleep; that perhaps he was the poison that seemed to follow you like a dark cloud. He was much too selfish, far too infatuated with you to keep you at arms length. The deafening ache that perhaps you were the reason he finally felt alive, and that maybe he was the reason you would end up buried. 

He didn’t allow himself to think any more, tossing his cash towards her, not even bothering to check if she caught it or if it landed on the floor, instead he raised a hand and walked off, murmuring under his breath. “Keep the change.”

He waited until he was back in his car, with a cigarette between his lips and the sour smell of petrol and ash filling his lungs before he finally inhaled, glad to be out of the fucking fresh air.

—————————————————————

Your reaction was even better than he imagined.

It was dark by the time he eventually got home, and he didn’t miss the buzz of warmth that pulling into the driveway brought. It was bizarre, he had spent so long feeling nothing that meeting you had reignited everything inside of him, he felt like a boy again, nervous and elated to see the girl he loved.

The lights were on, reflecting through the windows like flickering candles, and a pleasant yellow glow engulfed the shadows in the gravel. He could hear voices, (mainly Arthur’s), deep low laughter and the sound of music all throughout the halls. He winced slightly, hoping that whatever ruckus his family had brought wasn’t keeping you from resting. He was certain that this impromptu gathering was his brothers idea of raising your spirits, but Tommy would have felt much more comfortable knowing that you were peaceful and recovering somewhere safe, knowing that you were far too polite to send his family away.

“What the fucks all this noise, eh?” He shouted as entered, his tone was sharp but even he couldn’t stop the tiny grin making its way onto his face as he watched Arthur and John drunkenly dance in the living room.

“Ay! You’re back? How did it go?” Arthur asked, holding out his arms in greeting as his speech slurred.

“Everything’s in order.”

“Hurrah!” Arthur swayed on unsteady legs like a sailor on the rough seas, and

“Bloody hell Arthur, what the fuck are you on?” John laughed,

“It’s a celebration, brother.”

Tommy pushed him aside playfully, tuning out the sound of their bickering as he strode further in the living room, eyes brushing past all of the faces crowded around, his heart stopping when he finally found the one he was after.

You were curled up on the sofa by the fireplace with your legs tucked underneath you, your face flushing deliciously, the spark slowly reigniting inside of you - and Tommy swore that he had never seen something so beautiful. Michael, Isaiah and Finn were crowded around you, looking much younger than their years, playing cards in their hands and big, toothy grins, occasionally accusing the other of cheating. Polly watched from beside the fireplace, something that had once been the beating heart of the house, a place where the two of you coexisted so magnificently. He thought of the flames from the logs and also from deep inside of him, devouring you completely on the hardwood floors, the sound of your moans mixing with the crackle and snap of the kindling. He hadn’t looked at the fireplace since you had been shot, it was too intimate, too personal, memories of early morning laughter and pure carnal hunger when the sun set, his fingertips pressing against the softness of your throat as you melted like paper under him.

Now though, it had been filled with empty wine bottles stuffed with candles, wax dripping and melting down their green glass necks, the room smelling like cherries and lavender. He knew you had put them there, and it made him exhale, because it no longer hurt to look at it, and he knew that eventually, the fireplace would be yours again.

Polly caught his eye from over the sofa, hers glittering and twinkling with suspicion of where her nephew had been, taking a long, poignant drag from her cigarette. He ignored her. He had no doubts that she was completely aware of what he had been doing, and that imagining him back at his roots was conjuring a particular mental image in her head, but right now that was the least of his concern.

He tore though the living room, almost colliding with a dozen bodies, it seemed Arthur had dug up every close acquaintance within twenty miles and invited them over. The room smelt like sour whisky and spilled wine, and he swore he could see his expensive furniture lowering in price by the minute.

He loved his family, he would do anything for them, but God he wished to the highest heavens that they would fuck off so he could spend some time with his girl. If it was up to him the house would be completely empty, nothing but the sound of your laugh and the thump of your heart, fuck everything else.

You were wrapped up in your poker game, head tilted back as you laughed at something Finn had whispered to you, the small creamy corner of your bandage poking out from the collar of your dress. Tommy swore inwardly, the sight making him falter. As quickly as the feeling came, he brushed it away, not wanting you to see him worry, not wanting himself to fall into old and dangerous habits.

Finn saw him first, his youngest brother looking impossibly boyish and playful as he laughed with his friends, a world away from the man he tried so hard to be. One look and he was on his feet, quickly swatting Isaiah and Michael and gathering the cards in his hands. Tommy patted his shoulder fondly, his eyes fixed firmly on you, watching your pupils dilate and sparkle when you finally caught sight of him.

“You’re back.”

Breathless. Angelic. Innocent. It took everything in him to not gather you in his arms and take you upstairs all for himself.

“And you should be in bed.”

He sat down next to you, his knee brushing against yours.

You smelt of home.

Of sweet cinnamon and strawberries and wildflowers, messy hair and woodsmoke. You finally smelt like yourself, not like the chemicals and disinfectants that now filled the halls, making him want to set his whole damn estate alight because the reminders of what they caused were too painful.

“I’ve been resting for weeks, Tommy. Let me have a little fun.”

You gave him that smile. The one that made his knees buckle. The one that would have made him sign his company over to you if you asked - not that there would ever be a time he would say no to you. It was bizarre, how you were sitting there with no makeup on, your hair tied back with a baby pink ribbon, and you were undoubtedly the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

“Alright, alright, enough with the pouting.” He winked at you, making a kaleidoscope of butterflies erupt in your stomach. If it had just been the two of you he would have leant in and kissed you stupid, but he didn’t want to give his drunken brothers something else to whoop and tease about. He would save his romantics for later, when you were alone, and he could take his well earned time and leisure to ravage you.

He pulled you close to him, wrapping an arm around the edge of the sofa and over your shoulders, keeping you as close and protected as he possibly could, the simple action comforting him immensely. You snuggled into him, his body so warm and firm and safe, and he pressed a kiss to your neck as you relaxed, his lips scorching you like a brand. He felt his whole body exhale, feeling at ease because he was with the people he loved most in the world, with you tucked into his side like you were carved there, and the feel of your fingertips ghosting over his chest. His life was so fast paced and hectic and his mind was whirring a mile a minute, but at that moment, the there was no where else he would rather be.

His patience lasted exactly 47 minutes. His composure and lenience with his family finally snapped when Arthur bet John that he could do a better handstand than him, proceeded to leap onto his hands, flail about disastrously and then crash right into the console table, shattering an array of fine china and imported vases.

“Oh John, look what you did ya’ stupid cunt.” He said when he got to his feet, his hands slashed to ribbons and blood dripping onto the carpet. Esme rolled her eyes, grabbing her brother in law by the collar and dragging him out of the room to bandage him up before he inevitably passed out from all the alcohol.

Tommy straightened out next to you as Mary quickly rushed in and gathered the glimmering shards with a dustpan and brush. He heaved himself to his feet, reluctant to withdraw from your side, and he cleared his throat once before speaking. “Alright, that’s enough for tonight, everybody fuck off.”

You rolled your eyes at his terrible bedside manner, tugging on the edge of his rolled sleeve playfully, making a small smile cross the edge of his lips. Polly pressed a hand to your shoulder as she herded the boys out of the room, each of them mumbling drunken goodbyes and pressing whisky stained kisses to your cheeks, mindful of the placement of their hands and your scar, mainly because of Tommy’s sharp, warning glare.

Johnny Dogs grumbled something along the lines of parting, but instead passed out face down on the carpet, his body rising and falling with heavy snores. Tommy waited rather impatiently as you said goodbye to the remaining guests, wanting nothing more than some well earned solace with his girl.

When you were finally alone, the moon dancing across your skin through the large open windows, soft music filling the room and the smell of sticky split wine following you both, he pulled you into his arms. He looked at your face and smiled. You were ethereal. Golden and glowing in the twilight, eyes sparkling like diamonds. Your face had changed a little in the time you had been together, your body and mind maturing and adapting, but you still looked so young. A breath of clear, fresh air amongst all of the smoke.

He lifted his hand to wipe a few specks of shimmering rose rouge from your cheeks, evidently left from where Esme hugged you goodbye, but you got there first, playfully taking his finger in your mouth and gently sucking and biting at his fingertip.

He felt a fire ignite in his stomach and his trousers tighten. How were you - so small and sweet and innocent, able to control his body like you were a master puppeteer and he was nothing but wood and string? It was baffling to him, an enigma that he craved to solve but knew that he never could. He was completely and incurably love sick.

You were going to be the death of him.

He pulled you even closer, freeing himself from your grip and taking your head in his hands, smashing his lips onto yours. You melted into him, practically putty in his hands. His teeth clashed against yours, the kiss was messy and desperate, as though you were two kids determined to make the most of the time you had alone. He felt everything wash off of him, all of his stress and tension melting down his spine like candle wax. Because, with your body flush against his and his mouth pressed up against your own, he was home.

You pulled away shyly and reluctancy, and he felt the absence of your warmth immediately. He moved to drag you back, not done with you just yet, but he followed your gaze to the man on the floor. Johnny had somehow managed to roll over onto his back, still asleep and snoring, but with his eyes half open, his gaze focused on the two of you. Tommy let out a rare, genuine laugh, and it made you feel like somebody had lit a firework in your chest. He wrapped his fingers against your own and tugged softly, his voice deep and rumbling like the ocean.

“Let’s go upstairs, princess. I’ve got something to give to you.”

Your room was safe and it was warm. It smelt like ripe peaches and fresh mint and rolling tobacco, like leather and lace; innocence and sin. It had finally become yours again, interlocked like your fingers, intertwined like your hearts, something so precious and belonging to just the two of you. It had broken his already shattered heart when you were separated, and looking at you now through heavy eyelids as you sat on your knees in bed, waiting expectantly for him to reveal his present, he took a moment to thank whoever was listening for giving him a goddamn angel.

“You need to stop buying me things, Tommy.” You scolded gently, shifting on your legs.

“I’ll do whatever I bloody feel like.” He replied, undoing his cuff links and loosing his tie. He liked to always be properly dressed and sharp, but around you he wanted nothing more than to lose himself in your sweet comfort.

You watched him, so beautiful and angelic looking under the yellow lights. You smiled to yourself at his mussed hair and natural pink pout; the side to him that only ever flared up around you. You kept your eyes trained on him as he rummaged around the room, taking off his jacket and folding it over a chair before turning around and pointing a finger at you.

“Close your eyes.”

You huffed. “Is that really necessary?”

“Close ‘em.”

You looked up at him teasingly, exhaling loudly before closing your eyes. You felt him moving around the room, listening to the soft creaks of the wood and the sound of his footsteps as he approached the bed. He lifted your arm and you giggled as his fingertips ran down your skin, stopping at the middle of your wrist, pressing a kiss to your pulse point. You opened your mouth to speak but before you could he pushed something onto your ring finger. Even with your eyes closed you could feel his smile.

“Open.”

It took you a moment to register what you were seeing, the surprise knocking the air right out of your lungs. Your eyes flickered from him back down to your ring, your mouth agape. You hadn’t really thought about an engagement ring, flashy diamonds weren’t really up your alley and with everything that had happened tradition seemed to have flown out of the window, but you should have known Tommy would always be one step ahead. It was beautiful. So brilliant and classic and totally you, and you could feel tears pricking behind your eyes, your mouth going dry.

“Oh, Tom! Oh, Tommy it’s beautiful!” All of your restraint was gone, and you leapt onto him, wrapping your legs around his waist as he caught you effortlessly, like he always would. He let out a laugh, slightly stunned from your reaction, and the feeling of your lips pressing hot, quick kisses all across his skin. He held you tight, burying his nose in your hair and pulling you impossibly closer.

He felt your lips at the base of his ear, brushing against his flesh as you spoke. “This must have cost a fortune!”

He shook his head, not even needing words to convey his feelings. To him it was obvious. Nothing would ever be too much for you.

You admired it from over his shoulder, watching the hypnotising way that it glimmered in the light. He gently walked forward, leaning you down so that you were in contact with the bed, tilting up your face so that you were looking him in the eye.

“There’s something else.”

“Tommy - ”

He had already started unbuttoning his shirt, and you sat back and watched as his nimble fingers looped down his torso, finally grabbing something underneath and holding it towards you.

You inhaled sharply, feeling yourself floating.

He had your name engraved on a silver dog tag, much like the ones he had thrown into the cut with Freddie along with his medals of honour. This was what mattered to him, your name carved into the metal, dangling right next to his heart, because it was only you who owned it.

Your eyes met, filled with love and lust and true happiness. A week ago you had been lying in bed, terrified that Tommy might not be in love with you, but now it was clear that the two of you were bound together, that you were the safety of a lighthouse to his wandering ship.

He kissed you - greedily and open mouthed, and you fell into him, letting him devour you. His hands worked quickly, desperate to see all of you, everything laid bare for him, with nothing but the ring glinting under the pale light of the moon. He kissed your neck, collarbone, throat, his hands and calloused fingertips brushing your flesh.

“I love you, (Y/N).” He said and you melted. You never felt short of love around him, but hearing those three words was like a hit of heroin, and you were desperate for more. You knew that he was as well, that he craved your stability and the sweetness you gave him, and you pulled his head from the crook of your neck, getting lost in those ocean eyes.

“Oh, Tommy. I love you.”

—————————————————————

The weeks passed, and the ring on your finger still gave you goosebumps when you saw it - a reminder of the man you loved. Life continued, business slowly dripping back into your days, the hazy bubble of love you had entered starting to pop but never fully dissolving. Tommy was adamant that you shouldn’t start back at work, making it very clear to you that he didn’t want you doing anything until he was beyond certain that you were completely healed.

You hated being stuck in the house however, and still managed to find a way to get a very reluctant Michael to sneak in some accounting work for you to do. Something that made Tommy see red when he found out, only to have you pout and preen and make all of his anger subside, although Michael wasn’t as lucky.

Wedding planning hadn’t been on your mind, not with business booming or the wonderful trip to New York. You were happy with everything, dizzied with love and lust and laughter, and whilst your finger had gotten much heavier, there was nothing in your relationship you wanted to change.

That didn’t stop Polly or Ada however from trying to plan the best party England had ever seen.

You remembered a sleepy Sunday morning with the two of them, and the shrill sound they both made when you said that you didn’t want a big wedding.

“What? Finally something bloody good happens to this family and you don’t want us to celebrate?”

You rolled your eyes, dunking your biscuit into your coffee with a smile. “I’m not saying we can’t celebrate, I’m just saying that I haven’t really thought about it, I just want something small.”

“Small? Every woman has dreamt of her wedding day!”

You looked over at Ada, wanting her to back you up against such traditionalist views. Instead, she held up her hands and laughed, shrugging her shoulders. “I hate to admit it, (Y/N) but I agree with Pol! It’s about time this family had something good happen, and you and Tom deserve a bloody wonderful day. I’ve never seen a love story quite like yours.”

You smiled at her kindness but didn’t let up, stirring your tea with your matching spoon.“I don’t want a fuss! I don’t need a big wedding to be happy, I just need him.”

“Well that’s sweet.” Polly interjected. “But I want to buy some new furs and get drunk and wake up next to a man who likes to buy me diamonds.”

You laughed out loud.

“Since when do you need a man to buy you diamonds?” Ada snorted, staring down her aunt over her strawberry filled pastry.

“I don’t. But they always look better when they’ve been bought by someone else.”

You sighed, watching the two of them playfully bicker, feeling so grateful that the stars had aligned and they were now your family.

“So you don’t have any plans? Not even a date or a dress in mind?” Polly asked, her brisk voice cutting through the banter.

“No.” You smiled. “The only thing I’m sure about is the groom.”

Polly rolled her eyes. “Well that’s going to need to change.”

——————————————————————

Slowly but surely you started to fall back into old habits and patterns, picking up where you left off at the Garrison, and meeting Michael and Isaiah for drinks in the city. Tommy was reluctant to loosen his grip at first, so used to having you all over him in the comfort of your own home, safe and warm under the protection of his watchful gaze and gentle hands. He knew that he didn’t own you, and that he couldn’t keep you under lock and key like a prisoner, but he spent those first few weeks anxiously pacing in his study, dreading the phone ringing and finding that you had once again been hurt because of him.

He kept his work as separate from you as he could. He knew you wanted to be by his side through everything, but the wound was too fresh for him, too raw, and he needed to know that you were safe. So he kept his sins and misdemeanours away from you, making his home his sanctuary and you his oasis, finding religion in your lips and solace in your touch.

You were in no hurry to arrange anything. As much as you loved the idea of Tommy being your husband, you were happy to just let things slowly fall into place and try to regain whatever normalcy you had lost - but your future in laws had different plans.

Polly was a whirlwind. She spent the majority of her free time writing letters and phoning different market vendors from all over the world, her office filled with sugar icing and the finest loose leaf tea that money could buy, all gifts from those wanting to cater what was set to be the “wedding of the century.”

You didn’t mind - even when she stole you away for an entire work day to pick out cutlery and matching table runners, or you came back from the department store with pin pricks up and down your body from hours of having dresses fitted. She was happy, and when darkness seemed to follow the family like a storm cloud, you were adamant at grasping at whatever you could get, even if it wasn’t quite what you envisioned.

You knew Tommy found the whole thing hilarious. How his stoic and level headed Aunt had been swept up in lavender and lace, snapping at bakers over mango whipped frosting and arguing about the best way to cook lamb. It made him so damn happy though, when you came home after a long day - eyes tired but sparkling, face flushed and glowing, the way that he always wanted you to be. The distraction was what you needed, something sugar coated and dreamy to blur everything that had happened, and he knew that you were in great hands with Polly.

He couldn’t even deny that he was looking forward to the day. He knew more than anything that he wanted you to be his wife, and whilst he loved shiny, expensive things, all he truly needed was you by his side. He didn’t want a fuss, he wanted whatever you did, but imagining you all wide eyed and honey lipped at the alter, rings forever symbolising your connection, the sound of your first name with his last.

Well, that he liked.

Even though you were feeling a little out of your depth amongst all of the wedding planning, there were some things that you knew that you wanted. Like, the powder pink roses from the bushes Tommy had gifted you for your birthday to line the stairway, and ocean blue forget me nots in the bouquet - to match his eyes. You even had a hazy vision of what you wanted your dress to be, the hours spent walking through boutiques in London with Ada paying off as you debated A line, trumpet, and ball gown style dresses.

The main thing you were certain about, however, was who you wanted by your side throughout the whole thing. You had a feeling he knew something like this was coming, he always did have a way of knowing what you were thinking, but even Michael wasn’t expecting you to leap out of his wardrobe hand in hand with Finn, holding out a small cupcake with a candle on the top one rainy evening.

“Holy shit!” He squealed, watching as you and his cousin broke down in fits of laughter, clutching each other as you toppled onto the floor, jackets and shirts trailing behind you.“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Surprise!” You managed to say in between deep throaty giggles. “We wanted to catch you off guard!”

“Well you fucking did.” He tutted, “Hiding in my wardrobe! Nearly fucking shat myself.”

Your laughter was infectious, and soon all three of you were close to tears, your bodies exhausted and elated, gripping onto one another to stop from completely collapsing.

“So what was the point of this ambush, then?” He asked finally, his hands on his knees as he gasped for air, his face slowly returning to its normal colour.

You thrust the cupcake under his nose, the tip of the flame narrowly missing singeing the little hairs on his upper lip. “I want you to be my maid of honour! Well, man of honour.” You corrected quickly.

“You want me to be your what?”

Quick to silence his objections, you added - “Finn’s going to be flower girl!”

“Flower boy.” He interjected, “Katie’s flower girl. I’m just doing you a favour.”

“Yeah. Right.”

You and Michael locked eyes for a moment, challenging the other with your gaze. After a tense minute of silence, he broke out in a smile, one of the classic, cheesy ones that you loved so much.

“Do I have to wear a dress?”

You grinned. “Only if you want to.”

He threw his arms in the air in mock defeat, and he seemed so much younger, reminding you of running barefoot with him through raspberry fields, and throwing pennies down a pretty little well.

“Alright. Okay. Yes! Bloody hell.”

You leapt into his arms and Finn whooped triumphantly, partly pleased for you but mostly happy that he wasn’t the only member of the family who had somehow been talked into something he was bound to be teased over.

You felt Michael press a kiss to the crown of your head, his words getting muffled by your loose hair. “God, does Tommy even know what he’s got himself in for with you?”

You smiled, as sweet as spun sugar.

“Nope.”

—————————————————————-

As much as you wanted to stay in the rose tinted bubble that wedding planning had created, more and more problems with the business started to arise, and everything had to be put on the back burner - but it never dampened your spirits.

The hot summer days bled into crisp autumn nights, and you were trading your short lavender dresses for fur lined coats and boots. You celebrated Christmas with everyone, and discovered that a day you never used to enjoy was now your favourite, all because of the man you would up beside.

New Years passed in a flurry of drunken kisses and gold dresses and dancing until the sun rose. You vaguely remember finding Arthur passed out in the bathtub, surrounded by ice and champagne, the gramophone shaking the paintings on the walls. Your main memory was Tommy pulling you down the hall with him, away from the rest of the family, kissing you right as the clock struck midnight with hands tangled in your hair and a smile on his lips.

He often left for weeks at a time, work taking him up and down the country, and that meant that every morning and night you spent together was treasured.

One particular spring morning, when the air was starting to warm up and the days getting a little longer, you were sprawled on Tommy’s lap in the garden, reading from your novel whilst he read the paper. The day was less than half way though and you had already spent the entire morning in bed, making up for all the time you had lost. Now you leafed through your book with strawberry stained fingers, the curl of cigarette smoke twisting around you both.

Tommy had made it certain that he was not to be bothered that day. It had been almost an entire month of nothing but speaking over the phone and stolen kisses before he had to up and leave again, and the only thing he goddamn wanted was to do absolutely nothing with you. He was exhausted, not that he would ever admit it, but because you knew him better than absolutely everyone, you forced him to take a break before the man you loved completely crumbled like a bourbon biscuit.

So when you knew that he was coming back, you gave Mary strict orders to ignore all phone calls or mail regarding the business until the weekend was over. She had happily obliged, so you and Tom were both confused when you saw her running through the grass in her wingtips, her hands still soapy and wet from doing the dishes.

“Oh Mr Shelby! And Mrs Shelby!” She called, her voice so shrill that a few birds even took flight. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

Tommy sat up as best he could with you on his lap, his arms snaking around your waist to stop you from toppling over. You could feel the cigarette moving with his lips as he spoke, his accent deep and throaty in your ear.

“Mary? What is it?��

She didn’t reply, instead thrusting a sage green and gold piece of paper at you. You caught it before it fell to the floor, and let out a loud, genuine laugh when you read the script. You felt Tommy leaning over you shoulder, and felt the rumble of his body as he laughed with you.

“Well,” He said finally, pressing his lips to your neck. “Guess we know what we’re doing next month, Princess.”

On July 20th

Please join us for the union of Mr Thomas Shelby and (Y/N, Y/L/N).

The wedding of the century!

————————————————————————————

Polly had organised everything. Whilst you had been dealing with the accounting from the Garrison and Tommy had been building his business, Polly had managed to do her job, and single handily plan a wedding.

Everything was full steam ahead. The house was a flurry of florists and caterers, the grounds were picked and preened and polished by gardeners that had sailed over from Italy and the south of France. It was wonderful, if not a little overwhelming, but it was worth everything to see your future Aunt beaming as she supervised everything.

Tommy had pulled you aside a few times, determined to make sure that this was what you wanted, ready to pull the plug if he even caught a whiff that all of the glitz and glamour were out of your comfort zone. But Polly knew you well - not that you ever doubted her - and everything was beautiful and muted, classic and beguiling, just like something out of a fairytale.

You tried to be as involved as you could, picking out flowers for the bouquets, letting Esme try out a million different hairstyles on you as you sat barefoot and cross legged on the floor like a child, running around the kitchen with Katie, taste testing all of the frosting you could find. More than anything though, you were excited, elated for the day and it had nothing to do with all of the smoke and mirrors, instead it was the man you would meet at the end of the aisle.

You could tell that Tommy was getting antsy for the day as well. He was softer, calmer, his touch on your skin gentle but possessive, calling you “Mrs Shelby” as you came apart under him. He found himself falling asleep a little easier, his breath not getting caught in his lungs, his mind wandering and imagining his favourite girl in a pretty white dress, waiting for him under an arch of blush coloured tulips.

The real surprise though, came the morning before your wedding. You were curled up on the sofa drinking strong coffee and eating honey toast as Tommy finished some paperwork. He was trying to get everything done before the end of the day, wanting tomorrow and the weeks that came after to be nothing but the two of you.

You told him you never felt neglected. You had been by his side through it all, you knew just how demanding his job was, but that still didn’t ease the niggle of pressure at the back of his neck when he had his nose in his books for too long. He truly couldn’t wait until he could shove everything and everyone else aside. All he wanted was his girl in his arms with his ring on her finger, and a bottle of sweet gin.

Everything seemed so within reach, until the front door banged open like a whirlwind, and you heard the sounds of Polly’s stilettos against the hardwood floor.

“Alright you two, no time to lose!”

You and Tommy lifted your heads quickly, your eyes meeting across the room. “Polly?”

“- and Arthur!” An voice added, accompanied by the familiar face of the eldest Shelby.

You smiled, shutting the cover of your book. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

Tommy shot you a sharp look that said, don’t encourage them, but you ignored him, getting to your feet to greet them both.

Polly kissed you quickly on both cheeks, leaving you covered in a light layer of sticky red lipstick as she surveyed you both.

The study was the only place the two of you could find solace amongst the craziness of the wedding planning, every other room in the house filled with servants and buckets of flowers, the floors freshly waxed and polished. You could practically feel Tommy rolling his eyes behind you as Mary pushed open the double doors, holding your pastel pink overnight bag.

“Mrs Grey, I’ve packed all of Mrs Shelby’s things like you asked.”

“You did what?” Tommy said, rising to his feet.

Polly brushed him aside, reaching for the bag in the maid’s hand.“Ah. Thank you Mary, but it’s not Mrs Shelby yet, not till tomorrow. Let her be Miss (Y/L/N) for one last night.”

“Polly?” You asked, “What are you up to?”

She winked at you, her eyes catlike and beautiful, filled with the mischief that always hung around her. “You’re coming with me, love.”

“And you Tom, are coming with me.” Arthur said, pointing a finger at his brother.

“No. Fuck off, both of you.”

Polly put her hands in the air, but you could tell she had been expecting his resistance. “No Thomas. She needs a night as a free woman! Lord knows after tomorrow you’ll be keeping her all to yourself.”

Tommy straightened his back and crossed his arms, never one to back down from a fight, especially with his Aunt. “She’s staying here.”

“It’s tradition!” Arthur interjected, his voice already slurred despite it not even being noon yet.

“Fuck tradition.”

You moved forward, blinking up at your future husband. You knew why he was being so stubborn, the day before your wedding would be the prime time for something to go wrong, or something to happen with you, and keeping you within reach was what he wanted. As much as you loved spending every second with him, you also loved his family, and knew that perhaps a night of drinking and laughing and exhaling, was what you both needed.

He looked at you, his eyes unmoving and stern. You didn’t falter though, mimicking his frown and knitting your eyebrows together, trying to knock down the walls he was so insistent on putting up.

“It might be nice, Tom.” You said. “You deserve to have some fun, and it’ll make seeing each other tomorrow all the more special.”

A moment passed and you felt him falter, the corner of his lips moving ever so slightly.

“Alright. Bloody hell, fine.”

“Good decision brother.” Arthur said,

“We’re not leaving town.” Tommy stated simply, laying down the law.

“We wouldn’t dream of it! Johnny brought his caravan down, all of you men are camping in the woods. Us girls are staying here.”

“Aberama Gold doesn’t happen to be one of these men does he?” You said playfully, nudging Polly with your arm. She rolled her eyes but pulled you closer, her fingers toying with the satin ribbons on your blouse.

“Cmon, love, lets go.”

“Wait.”

You felt Tommy approaching you both, his large hands cupping around your face. You melted into him, his touch so soft and so warm. His eyes were so very blue, cobalt and icy, but they made your stomach infinite. He pulled you into him, smashing his lips against yours, not caring who was watching as he dug his fingers into the roots of your hair, dragging you against his body. Breathless, he pulled away, smiling at the frown on your face from the lack of contact.

“Be safe. Alright? I love you.”

“I love you.”

“Alright you two.” Polly said exasperatedly, but you could hear the happiness in her tone. “Let’s go.”

You let her lead you away, smiling at Arthur as he bounded towards his brother, filling him in on the multitude of activities he had planned for the night.

Every single one of them involved drinking.

As you left, Tommy shot Polly a look, one that told her to keep you near and to keep you safe, and she nodded in response. As soon as you made it into the hall she laughed genuinely, squeezing your shoulder.

“You will definitely fit in with this family, (Y/N).”

“Hm?”

“Yes. You have the Shelby woman’s gift.” She leant down, her lips to your ear. “The power to control a strong man like a puppet.”

———————————————————————

So there you were. Wrapped up in satin and lace, a glass filled with blood red wine, your friends happy and tipsy, swapping stories under the moonlight.

Bea and Violet, two of your closest friends from back in the little village had arrived to be your bridesmaids, their eyes wide and glimmering when they had seen the life you now lived. You watched as they sat with Polly, telling her tales of when you and Michael had been young and stupid - not that much had changed.

Polly had invited all of the girls from work and your friends from in the city, and the laughter bounced off the walls and engulfed you. Ada was enchanting, completely beaming as she sat next to you, telling you every embarrassing thing about her brother she could remember as she downed shots of vodka and cinnamon whisky.

Michael was lounging on the floor with one of Polly’s fine fox scarves draped around his neck. Charlotte was curled up in his side with a cigarette, her hand intertwined with his as she watched him with dopey, loved up eyes. You caught his eye and smiled at him, and he winked in response, joining in with the girls’ as though he was one himself.

You had told him to enjoy the night with the boys, but he refused. You partly suspected that it had something to do with Tommy, and that your fiancé had wanted you to have more protection, but you also knew that Michael wanted to spend tonight with you. Things hadn’t changed per say, but there was no denying that the both of you were getting older, and soon you would be a member of his bloodline rather than just his best friend.

You still had all of your wonderful memories, like running through sunflower fields and swimming in the river until the sun set, but they seemed further away now, almost out of reach. Part of you still clung to the past, the innocence of your youth, all peach skies and daisy chains, but there was no denying that your vision was cloudy, blurry, only focused on the future, and the only man that you wanted to be in it.

Somebody flipped the record over. You listened to the thump and rhythm of the music, smiling at those you loved as they danced around you. You adored everyone in the room, even Lizzie who had arrived already drunk and had glared daggers at you every time you turned around. These were your new family, your new life, and whilst you were elated and excited for it all, you also really needed some fucking air.

Almost on cue, Violet toppled over a champagne flute as she kicked her legs like a cabaret dancer, and you sighed playfully as she covered her mouth with her hands like a small child, her eyes as wide as the moon.

“Oh! Oh! I’m so sorry!”

“Violet, it’s alright! I’ll go and get some cloth, you ladies stay here, try not to break anything else, eh?” You said rising to your feet and darting out of the door, the sound of laughter following you like twinkling diamonds. As soon as you could you ran down the stairs, your feet pattering against the carpet, sneaking out of the back door and into the jet black night.

————————————————————-

The moon was round and full, and you sat cross legged on the grass, your bare feet dipped into the lake that wrapped around the property. It was your favourite place to clear your head, under the weeping willow, listening to the sound of the animals around you, the night air brisk yet comfortable. It was hard to believe that in a few hours you would be married, bound to this brilliant man that had swept you up like a rough wave, capturing you completely.

“Not having second thoughts are we?”

You smiled in the dark. His voice cutting through the night like a knife through butter.

“Tommy.” You breathed, turning around and facing him, the spark of his cigarette as bright as the stars above you both. He grinned at the sight of you, his shirt unbuttoned at the top and his sleeves rolled up, looking like a vision under the moonlight. “What are you doing here?

“I should be asking you the same question.”

“I just needed some air.” You said, curling your toes and inhaling the cool air, you felt his eyes all over you, and you wanted to get as close to him as possible, replace his gaze with his fingertips. You were inches apart and yet you still missed him, and you knew that you would feel this way forever.

“Ah. I take it the ladies are just as boisterous as the men. I only managed to get away after Arthur fell into the bonfire.”

“Bloody hell! Is he alright?”

“Burnt moustache and bruised ego. Nothing he can’t handle.”

You were about to laugh but you stopped suddenly, remembering something important.

“Wait! It’s after midnight!”

“Are you about to turn into a pumpkin?” Tommy asked, amused by your change in tone.

“No! We’re getting married today! You can’t see me!”

“(Y/N).”

“Turn around!” You squealed, pushing him away from you and spinning on your heel.

You heard an exasperated laugh.

“I think we’ve had our fill of bad luck, little one. Turn around, I want to see your face.”

He took you in. No makeup and loose hair and still squeezing all of the air from his lungs.

“We don’t have to do it like this, you know.”

“If this isn’t what you want - all the fucking champagne and caviar. We could leave tonight, get married in a fucking courthouse - just us. Or we could do it in Johnny’s field, get him to marry us right next to his caravan. I don’t care where it is or what we do, I just want - I just need to be with you.”

His words made your gut twist, the sincerity in his voice meaning everything to you, knowing that he would move mountains if it would make you happy, and that you would do the same for him. “I think Polly would murder us.”

“She doesn’t scare me.”

“She should.”

“No. I want this. Yes it’s all a bit... much.” you struggled to find the right word, feeling overwhelmed but ultimately completely spoiled by all of the fuss. “But I think it will be lovely. Your family deserve this. You deserve this.”

Looking at you all sleepy eyed, dressed in silk and satin and lace, your necklace hanging in the sweet dip of your throat, the ring on your finger glinting under the summer twilight, he really wasn’t sure he did.

He pulled you into him, not wanting to be apart from you for any longer. You smelt of home, like violets and green apples and vanilla cupcakes, and he felt like heaven, with his strong body and warm hands and comforting arms. Safe in his presence, you mumbled the words that had been the reason for many of your sleepless nights.

“Do you think she’ll come?”

She being your mother. The woman who had nursed you and bathed you and kissed the scrapes and bruises on your knees when you were a child had all but refused to attend your wedding. You understood why. Your trip to visit Michael in Birmingham was only supposed to be a few days, a week at most, and here you were two years later engaged to a man on the other side of England. You had tried to come home a few times, but the visits were cold and severed, Michaels foster parents filling your mother with poison about the family you had entered.

The phone calls stopped. No more weekly letters from your mother or care packages wrapped in string. You still wrote, but you never got a reply, only a small impersonal card at Christmas and your birthday. Michael understood, and always knew how to comfort you. He had also left the only family he had known and entered the strange underground where you both now lived. He was a boy from the sleepy village who had grown into a man.

It was harder for you, being a woman meant that you were held with certain standards and expectations. But, luckily you had Polly and Ada who taught you that you could be more than just a housewife.

It affected Tommy the most though. If anything was bothering you he knew how to deal without immediately, crushing whatever had made you sad with the heel of his boot, using his power to make everything alright again. He couldn’t do anything about your mother though, couldn’t twist her view of him, not when it was so accurate.

He was bad for you and you were too good for him.

It hurt him though, when late at night you would get that sad, wistful look in your eyes. Or when you would wait for the postman every Monday, the disappointment bleeding from you every time nothing came. He wanted to fix everything, but he didn’t know how. He left the bulk of the comforting words to Ada and Michael, and did his best to show you how much he cared in his own way, with gentle touches and shared looks and those three words that always made him feel better.

Your wedding though, was a different matter. There was no way in hell that you would be anything less than happy if he had something to do with it. His heart broke a little the day that the RSVP came back in the post, a simple “unable to attend.” scrawled at the bottom, as though it was a routine doctors appointment and not her daughters wedding day. Tommy knee he had to fix it when he heard the muffled sound of sobs coming from your bathroom, his heart ripping in two just thinking about the tears staining your beautiful face.

He had a meeting in London but he pushed it back, determined to right the wrongs that lingered around you both. His black matte Bugatti looked incredibly out of place as it trailed down the quiet village lanes, the purr of the engine much louder than the bird songs and running water in the background. It wasn’t hard to picture you in the chocolate box cottage that he parked in front of, smiling ever so faintly at the thought of you running through the grass when you were a child, hanging up laundry in the summer, drinking hot chocolate in the winter.

She opened the door after the first knock, her eyes the size of dinner plates and her mouth agape. Usually, Tommy would be firm and curt and rude, demanding exactly what he wanted and when he expected it to be done, but he knew that he had to be somewhat kind to your mother, even if he currently resented her because of the state you were in.

“I won’t stay long, Mrs (Y/L/N.)” He said, not bothering to step over the threshold, knowing that she’d probably scream if he did. “You might not like it but I’m in love with your daughter. I intend to marry her, and as my wife, I want to make her happy.”

Your mother didn’t interject, merely nodded, and Tommy took that as a sign to continue.

“I know what you think of me and you’re not wrong, but don’t punish your daughter over it. (Y/N) is safe and she is happy, and as her mother that should make you pleased shouldn’t it? Not behaving like a child and treating as if she is a stranger. I want my wife to be happy, so put aside your fucking prejudices and buy a nice hat, alright? For her sake.”

The tension was thick and hot and practically dripping over them, but their eyes met briefly, and something flickered between them.

“I hope to see you at the wedding.” He bit, his tone as sharp as his canines, turning on his heel and heading for the car.

He hummed quietly, listening the sounds of the night. The flicker of the bonfire in the fields behind, the sound of drunken singing and chanting that was louder than a siren.

“I think she will.”

You thought about saying something but held it in, not wanting to ruin the tender moment of him holding you against his chest, the heat of summer nothing compared to the two of you.

He moved you slowly, placing his hands either side of your face, his eyes veiled and moonless.“Go and get some sleep.” He said. “Because you won’t be getting any tonight.”

His voice was low and wolffish, and you felt your entire body setting alight at his words and the darkness in his eyes. His hold on you was so tight it was almost painful, but there was nowhere else that you would rather be. You smiled prettily, already feeling the butterflies coiling in your stomach, leaning up on your tiptoes to kiss him, sweet as strawberry ice cream and fresh honey, the taste lingering on his tongue. You left silently, leaving him grinning dopily, drunk on you and the heat of the evening.

He watched you as you walked away. His eyes never leaving as you stalked back to the house, his gaze lingering long after your shadow grew small, and the front door opened and closed behind you.

————————————————————————

Polly let you sleep in until 8.

You had crashed out after seeing Tommy, Polly had scolded you for leaving and then insisted that you got some beauty sleep, and you practically collapsed into the powder pink pillows on the guest bed.Sleep had come easily, and you grumbled a little when your new in laws had barged in the next morning, pulling back the curtains and letting in the heavy sunlight.

You were ushered into the master bathroom. The claw foot tub had already filled to the brim, rose petals shimmering on the surface, epsom salts dissolving around you. It was warm and inviting, steam billowing around your face as you undressed, and a cup of cinnamon coffee waiting for you on the cabinet by the side, next to an almond croissant from your favourite bakery in London.

You were slightly confused as to how she acquired it, but you knew by now to never question Polly and her methods.

Mary came in not long after, the maid you now thought of as a close friend unable to keep the smile off her face as she helped wash your hair, dragging a soft toothed golden comb over your locks and massaging lavender oil into your scalp. You scrubbed your skin until it shone, washed your body and dragged a razor across any unwanted hair, soothing your skin with thick coconut cream and honey salve.

You could hear everyone on the floors below, the sound of clattering china and rivalling voices coming up through the floorboards. You thought it might make you nervous, but it didn’t, if anything it made you feel more certain. The butterflies in your stomach were a swarm now, and all you could think of was him.

The girls were spread out in the largest guest room. The big windows had been opened, the lace curtains billowing in the warm breeze, and you could see start of the canopy being set up along the great expansive garden, one of yours and Tommy’s favourite places.

Ada squealed when she saw you, even with just a towel around your body and hair, she showered you in compliments.

“You’re glowing!”

“That’s because I’ve scrubbed off ten layers of skin.” You teased, letting her hug you tightly.

The rest of the girls clambered towards you, cigarettes in their fingers and champagne on their tongues. They were a blur of sweet lilac and warm honeysuckle, the colours of their soft chiffon dresses sparkling under the low lights, and you could feel your heart burst at the sight.

“Oh, Pol.” You said quietly, “Everyone looks so beautiful.”

She came towards you, a vision in her golden draped dress. It was covered in glimmering beads and diamonds, and she looked like a starlet on the big screen. She took you in her arms and laughed, “All you need is Auntie Polly to wave her magic wand.” She shook you slightly, running her fingers along the damp skin of your arm. “Come on, you. I think there’s a very impatient man waiting for you.”

Your nails were filed and painted pink, your hair mused and styled by Mary, leaving it long and wavy down your back, the way that both you and Tommy liked it best. You laughed out loud when Bea and Violet showed you their wedding present, a beautiful swan white lingerie set from the dressmakers in the village, complete with high stockings and a frilly lace garter.

“Maybe keep a doctor nearby when he sees you in that tonight.” Bea giggled as you fingered the delicate stitching and fabric.

Not everything was perfect though. One of the caterers dropped a plate of crab cakes and goats cheese bruschetta onto the floor, and one of the mares that was going to lead the carriage to the church had bolted at the unfamiliar hands and raced around the paddock away from the grooms that tried to catch her. Polly had huffed loudly and left with the girls and promises that she would be back with someone’s head, you had nodded, oblivious to everyones anxiety, too dazed at the thought of the day ahead to worry about the little things.

So they left you alone in the big bedroom, staring at your reflection in the golden mirror. It had been a four woman job to get you into the dress. Ada holding you steady by the armpits as Mary and Polly and a unsuspecting servant from downstairs was roped into helping you slide under the fabric, the tulle and lace as heavy as an anvil on you all. Polly had the dress shipped over from Paris after months of searching for the perfect dress, finally ordering one completely hand made and one of a kind, just like you, she had said.

You had never seen Polly cry.

Once, almost, when she had too much brandy at Christmas and she spoke of how much she wished Anna could have been there, the lump in her throat unmistakable as she told you how much she missed her daughter. And now in her nephews bedroom, her smile so wide and her eyes glistening, as she took your face in her hands.

“Thank you for making my boys so happy.”

You could hear her downstairs. The click of her stilettos and the sound of her voice, and once again you were infinitely grateful for whatever cosmic force had brought this wild, brilliant and chaotic family into your life. You turned back to the mirror, running your fingers over the delicate beading on the corset of your dress.

It was without a doubt the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. It was the colour of a fresh blanket of snow, so angelic and pure. There were thin straps at the shoulders, decorated with tiny crystals and jewels. The bodice was cinched and slightly scooped at the neckline, the puckering of your scar showing just above the pristine chiffon.

It had never been something you wanted to hide. It showed that you were alive.

The skirt was wide and full. Layers of expertly fitted tulle and crinoline holding it together, gilding and cascading like a waterfall down your legs and to the floor. There were pearls and thread and diamonds in the shape of flowers stitched right into the fabric, glimmering and twinkling like the stars in the sky when you shifted in the light.

“I’ve left the car running.”

You turned at the noise, smiling when you spotted Michael in the doorway, looking like a million dollars in his rich navy suit and tie.

“Just in case.” He continued.

You rolled your eyes, laughing sarcastically. “Ha. Ha.”

He stepped further into the room, his eyes soft and kind and as wide as dinner plates. The emotion on his face making your heart constrict, his face suddenly so much younger. “Wow.” He breathed. “You look beautiful.”

You blushed, your eyes darting to the floor as he approached you.

“Really, (Y/N). You look... wow.”

“Thanks Mikey.” You said softly, the two of you comfortable in the silence. In that moment nothing else really mattered, you were two kids again, running through waist high grass, sledding down the hills in the winter, splashing each other in the river. So much had changed and yet it would always be the two of you.

He broke the silence first, not one to linger in the past for too long. “This is for you.”

“Oh. Michael. You shouldn’t have! You’ve already done so much.”

“I wanted to.”

He rummaged around in his pockets, finally pulling out a large scarlet velvet box, slowly lifting off the lid. Inside was an exquisite sparkling marquise diamond necklace, intertwined with yellow and rose gold, oval shaped crystals draping and falling from the band like raindrops. Beside it, were two matching earrings, brilliantly cut, so clear that you could see your reflection, the gems woven together like ivy on a cottage. So stunning that you started to tear up.

You gasped, unable to swallow your shock. “Michael! This must have cost a fortune.”

“Nah. I stole it.” He teased, his voice a little shy.

You pulled him in to your arms. He kissed your head, pulling you tightly against him.

“I love you.” He said, his words muffled by your hair. “You deserve this. God, you deserve the world. I am so happy for you.”

You smiled into the fabric of his suit, muffling an “I love you” into the stitched seams. He squeezed you playfully, making you squeal as he hoisted you into the air.

“Careful. If you smudge my makeup there’s a good chance that Polly will shoot you.” You giggled.

“I can handle her.”

“Can you?”

His gaze faltered and you laughed, hitting his shoulder. He spun you around, lifting the necklace from its box and settling it onto your throat, his skilled hands fastening the clasp. You gasped at your reflection, your eyes meeting his in the mirror.

“It looks perfect.”

“I love it Michael.”

He pressed a kiss to your crown, watching as you delicately picked up the earrings and put them on.

“And tell Tommy that if he ever hurts you that I’ll kill him.”

A moment of silence, and then:

“- you’re not going to really tell him that are you?”

You both laughed as he outstretched an arm, looking you up and down proudly, his eyes already a little glossy and big. You thought of how much younger he looked.

“Cmon.” He said, “ I think they’re waiting for you.”

————————————————————

Thomas Shelby never felt apprehensive. He wasn’t familiar with the prickling anxiety that lingered at the bottom of his spine, or the dread that that had settled itself low in his gut, or the way that his palms were growing hotter by the second. He never got nervous. Until now.

Perhaps nervous wasn’t the right word. He had no doubt that you would be walking down the aisle in a few minutes, he knew that you would say “I do.” with as much certainty as him, and he knew that the golden band in Arthur’s jacket pocket would soon be on your finger. But still, the foreboding remained, hanging around his head like a dark cloud.

He didn’t deserve you. He knew that much for sure. He was the devil, his hands stained with blood, his lungs filled with ash, his insides dark and mean. You were an angel, soft and sweet and gentle and warm, the girl that could bring him to his knees.

The church abbey felt big, the summer sun filtering through the stained glass windows, the high ceilings making the room feel vast and empty, despite the crowded benches. He needed you to arrive, to settle the unease inside of him, to light up the room in the way that only you could, feeling every single empty space with your light.

He glanced around the room. Arthur was next to him, nursing a pretty tragic hangover and still a little ashy from his burn, but his smile was bright and he winked at his younger brother. There were plenty of blinders here, working rather than as guests, Tommy was insistent that he wanted as much protection over the day as possible, and even though it was your wedding day, he never would stop protecting you. He wouldn’t put it past his enemies to try something on what should be the happiest day of your lives.

He saw your friends from work. John and Esme and their litter of children. Lizzie and her new boyfriend, hanging off his arm and looking at Tommy with already drunk, hazy eyes. He even smiled as he saw Alfie perched in a middle row, his hat bigger than his head, his beard neatly combed and an array of golden rings on his fingers. Ollie was next to him, watching the room warily, always on guard.

Once Alfie had heard about the engagement he sent over fresh loaves and flowers and then invited himself to the wedding. But he needn’t have, as he had always been on the guest list.

Tommy’s eyes grazed over the person he had been looking for though. Your mother. Sitting in a pew near the front, draped in fine silk and a matching hat, looking entirely out of place but smiling tightly nonetheless. Their eyes met, a single flame of acknowledgement flickering between them. Unspoken but still lingering in the air, that they would both always put you first and that was all that mattered.

“You nervous, Tommy boy?” He heard Arthur say from behind him. He opened his mouth to answer but stopped as he heard noises from outside, the clunk of horse hooves and the rattle of the carriage. He felt his palms sweat and his heart race like he was back in battle, but this time the feeling was so sickly sweet and warm, he felt so fucking happy.

There was so much light when the doors opened. Polly was traditional, and even with all of the immorality in her life, she was adamant that you would both be married in a church. Neither of you protested, Tommy would have said “I do” in front of God himself if it meant you would be his wife. None of it mattered to him.

He remembered the day you came back from seeing the cathedral for the first time. How wide your smile was as you laid curled up in his chest, his lips leaving open mouthed kisses on your neck as you told him all about the ivy covered steeples and wildflowers and beautiful black jackdaws.

You were smitten, and so was he.

There wasn’t much they could do to decorate the church. Back at the house was where the main party was going to be held, but Polly was a genius, and every empty space was filled with tall flickering candles and bouquets of flowers. Everything felt clean and soft and pure, a mixture of old and rustic and fresh and new.

Light. So much light coming in from outside. The day already so sticky warm and wonderful, much like the summer the two of you met and fell in love. Katie came in first, giggling at the eruption of “aww’s” from the pews, everybody watching as she threw small white daisies and coral amber rose petals down the aisle.

Finn followed, looking like an adult in his suit and tie and freshly polished brogues. Then the bridesmaids, coy smiles on their faces, hair curled and polished and smiles that seemed to stretch all the way to the moon. Tommy could feel Arthur’s sly grin from behind him, and knew that he would have a job of distracting his older brother from the beautiful young ladies later on.

The fabric of their dresses swished and swayed under the light, the softness of the skirts and the sharp heel of their stilettos such a wonderful contrast. The ladies whose faces he vaguely recognised moved to your side of the alter, young and impressionable eyes looking around the grand room, obviously astonished and surprised that one of their own was going to be married in such a remarkable chapel.

Ada was next. Polly at her side. His sister and his Aunt commanding the entire room with just the sound of their shoes and the sway of their hips. They looked incredible, such a mixture of power and beauty. Polly’s smile was smug and self assured, but also filled with a certain kindness that was meant just for Tommy. Ada’s eyes were glistening, looking at her brother with adoration and pride, and that playful tease that he knew and loved.

The room was quiet for a moment. The anticipation roaring around like a wasp trapped under a glass, and Tommy could see Curly smiling happily, peering down the aisle as they waited for you to arrive.

For Tommy, his whole life had once been so loud, and then, as if by magic, everything stopped. All of the noise, the blur, the people. They all faded and disappeared. It was like having his head held underwater, the rush of the ocean and the pounding of his blood in his ears deafening him. He felt movement around him, everybody in the pews rising to their feet, the orchestra starting the bridal chorus. His friends and family were smiling so widely, enjoying the ambience and the atmosphere, holding their hands to their chest and wiping their eyes and muttering how beautiful everything was.

He didn’t see any of it. He only saw you.

You had always been the most beautiful woman to him, the kind of woman that made the air leave his lungs and his heart beat a little faster, but oh god, did you look magnificent. In your dress that wrapped and dipped and swayed around your legs like running water, the bodice that cinched you in tightly, exposing the dip of your throat and the curve of your collarbone, just begging him to leave a necklace of bruises next to the diamonds. Your eyes were wide, lined with kohl and blush on your cheeks that reminded him of sun soaked days and strawberry jam and wax stamped envelopes. The curve of your lips, raspberry red gloss that made him think of kissing you until neither of you knew where one of you began and the other ended, his hands in your hair, your legs around his waist.

He felt tears prick behind his eyes. Such a foreign feeling that he almost recoiled. He was so used to being strong and in charge, never letting his emotions bubble up on the surface where somebody might see. But seeing you walk down the aisle, filling the room with love and youth and kindness - knowing that you were going to be his wife, that your days would begin and end with each other, that you would fight and fuck and laugh and cry, tell each other everything, hold him when the shovels got too loud, clean him when he was dripping with another mans blood, be the one you called because no one else would ever compare.

He let his eyes grow glossy as you stepped forward, taking his hand in yours. You were so smooth and soft and small and he was so large and rough and hard, but you fit together like you had been moulded that way, as though there was no where else you two could ever be. So in a room filled with people who respected him and trusted him as a cruel, calculated leader, he let himself be washed away with you,

Because he was in love. And nothing else fucking mattered.

———————————————————————-

Champagne and crystal chandeliers. Cotton candy coloured roses across all of the banister, wide full petals looking like silk under the lights. Pearl necklaces snapped in half and black satin gloves ripped up the seams, pretty fine china filled with bourbon, and laughter that never seemed to cease.

Tommy had tried to keep the party civilised for as long as he could, but the Shelby clan were persistent, and with the amount of booze in the house, they saw it as a challenge to drink it all.

The wedding dinner had gone well. Only the nearest and dearest invited to a seat at the grand table, you and Tommy at the head, his hand possessively on your thigh, your shoulder pressed against his chest. There were more courses than you could count, great big plates and bowls of honey roast ham and glazed partridges and peach trifle and jam soufflé. Your glasses were never empty and yet everyone was well mannered and kind, their voices a little softer than usual, their jokes a little bit cleaner.

You suspected it had something to do with the woman sat next to you, safely nestled in between yourself and Michael, the two people she knew. Your mother had been quiet but mellow at the ceremony, even going as far as hugging you with tears in her eyes as you gathered outside for the photos. There had been tension of course, but it meant the world to you that she was willing to put on a smile for the day.

You had no doubt that Tommy had ordered everyone to be on their best behaviour around her and you could feel yourself chuckle lightly as Arthur gave a very uncharacteristically charming toast to the two of you. The rest of the dinner passed pleasantly, and you could even see your mother start to loosen up as Ada spoke to her about her favourite novels and the current political climate.

After the plates had been cleared away and the guests started arriving for the party, your mother pulled you aside before you got to the living room.

“This might not have been what I wanted for you, (Y/N). You’re my daughter. I only want the best for you.” She murmured, wringing her hands as though she was willing herself to continue. “And it pains me to say it but... Thomas clearly loves you, and I truly feel safe leaving you in his hands. He might not be a good man, but he is good for you.”

Those words were more precious than all of the diamonds and jewels you had stuffed in your dresser upstairs, that your mother accepted the man you loved.

“Oh, Mum.” You sighed, pulling her into you. She was so familiar and warm and you could feel tears prickling behind your eyes. She held onto you tightly, kissing the top of your head and wrapping her arms around you as though you were a baby again.

“I must go and catch my train. But - I’ll call you (Y/N).” She said, and you nodded wildly, your smile so big you thought your cheeks might split.

You walked her to one of the cars, instructing the driver to take her to the station, waving at her as the car got smaller and smaller in your eyes. You felt Tommy approach you, his hand snaking across your waist, and you let him pull you close. He opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off, kissing him ferociously, letting your gratitude show in your touch. He accepted greedily, devouring you on the front steps of your home, his hands in your hair and your lips between his teeth, the sound of the party and music suddenly sounding so far away.

——————————————————-

With your mother gone, the party was in full swing. People were dancing barefoot because their shoes were stained with blood, sharing wide smiles between friends, the rooms smelling of skin and sweat and expensive perfume. You saw pupils blown up to the size of the moon, horse racing and gambling in the paddocks at the back, whoops and laughter vibrating around the house and shaking the paintings.

Tommy had kept you close, not that you ever wanted to stray. It was obvious that despite the genuine fun and admiration for him and all he had accomplished from those walking through his house with slack jaws, he only really wanted to be with you. It worked for the majority of the time, the two of you nestled on one of the ruby velvet chairs in the lounge, letting the crowds of people come and find you and offer their sincere congratulations.

But as always, being Thomas Shelby came with a price, and he often had to leave begrudgingly, with a tense jaw and closed fist, every time someone (Arthur) tore a painting or someone else, (Finn) crashed a car into the allotment and ripped up all of the courgettes.

He always left with a grumble and obvious annoyance swimming in his ocean eyes, planting a firm kiss to your lips and a promise to be back soon every time somebody called for him. He was never one for public displays of affection, he liked to make everyone know you were his but he preferred to keep his tenderness private. Maybe it was how drop dead gorgeous you looked in your gown, a looser, more intricate number you had donned for the evening party. Or maybe it was the rings you shared, the two solid gold circles looking like a sky full of stars under the lights, or maybe it was a mixture of the champagne soaked kisses and pure, uninhibited bliss he felt when he touched you - but whatever it was, you loved it, relishing the attention wholeheartedly.

You weren’t sure where he had got too this time, and somehow you had been wrangled into a conversation with a very tipsy Lord and Lady something or other, both of them fawning over you, their voices high like children. Your saving grace came in the form of a very tall, very stocky baker, his rings cool and comforting on your shoulder as he pulled you away.

“Yes. Yes. That’s very nice right, I’m just going to take (Y/N) away now, yes. Yes. Finish your drinks.” He waved them off as you laughed, “God, these rich fucks can talk for England. Fucking Liberty. Plus, I’ve seen them finish off all of the crab cakes. It’s not on.”

“No. Alfie, it’s not.” You said with a smile, letting him lead you into the parlour, the room almost empty and the faces that you recognised were pleasantly familiar. You grinned as you thought of how well Alfie knew the inside of the manor, something that you were sure to use as ammunition against Tommy any time he tried to tell you that “they weren’t friends.”

That was how he found you almost an hour later. Somehow the rest of the family had migrated into the room, bar Arthur who said he wasn’t drunk enough yet to be in the same room as Alfie. Tommy had been pulled and tugged in every direction, speaking to people he really didn’t give a shit about just to keep the party running smoothly, for your sake. He was on high alert, Johnny had said his boys had seen a figure running through the back paddocks, and just that alone was enough to send him spiralling. It was probably just a stray, strung out guest trying to get home, but it made his blood feel like it was electric.

He made all his men stay on guard, shut down the gambling and horse racing in the garden and made every single person who worked for him stay on red alert. Perhaps he was over reacting but he would never admit that, better to be overly cautious than have something happen to you. After doing laps of the house, checking on the cooks and gritting his teeth through drunken chats with whoever managed to grab him, he finally made his way back to you.

There you were. Face lit up under the candlelight, eyes tired but still sparkling, obviously exhausted but still enjoying the conversation, wanting to keep everyone happy. You looked ethereal. And for a moment he just watched you from the doorway, captivated by the movement of your hands, the bow of your lips, the way that you formed your words, so careful and light.

Alfie noticed him straight away, smiling cheekily as he pulled you into him. “Mrs Shelby.” He said, putting emphasis on both of the words and wrapping an arm around your shoulders. It was crazy how he could rile Tommy up more than anyone without being tipsy or high, somehow knowing how to push all of his buttons. “If you’re ever in London right, come to the bakery. I’ll show you a good time.”

You rolled your eyes at him, instantly knowing his game. You followed his gaze and saw the man you loved, your husband, watching you from the doorway.

“Tommy.”

“Excuse me, gentlemen.” He said firmly, brushing Alfie’s hand off you a little harder than he needed to. “I need to borrow my wife.”

God. Were you ever going to get used to him calling you that?

His hand slipped into yours and you melted, his lips grazing your ear lobe, deep accent rumbling like waves. “Cmon, lets go outside.”

You would have followed him anywhere, to the edge of the world if he had looked at you the way he was now, with those goddamn sky blue eyes and that smug, boyish grin.

Instead he led you through the party, playfully tugging on your hand as you both ran, desperate for nobody to see either of you and try to trap you in another mind numbing discussion. He took you through the servants entrance in the kitchen and into the courtyard, one of your favourite areas of the gardens. It was beautiful sculpted, with its high, emerald green bushes and intricately crafted pots and flower beds. You moved towards the fountain in the middle, surrounded by the rows of lilac and salmon tulips that swayed like ballet dancers in the wind.

He cleared his throat as you watched the water drip and fall and ripple down the stem of the fountain, the night sky reflected across it like a painting. It wasn’t chilly out but still he wrapped his blazer across your shoulders, filling your senses with cinnamon and nicotine and whisky sours.

“I want to read you my vows.” He said.

You turned to face him, confused.

“I know we both said we weren’t writing them, and I haven’t, not really, but there are some things I need to say to you.”

You opened your mouth to speak but closed it, watching him under the moonlight, how beautiful and how strong and how vulnerable he seemed all at once. You could feel your heart beating rapidly, your belly coiling and twisting, somehow he always managed to knock you off balance. He came towards you, close enough you could see the faint scars on his face from fights he had both won and lost, see the brilliance in his eyes and the sadness that always seemed to linger deep down in them, the curve of his lips and the sharpness of his teeth, the way that they had clenched around your heart and never let go.

“I deserve a lot of bad things. I do bad things, and I always thought that everything good would be taken away from me. I wasn’t born into a life like this, I’ve worked hard and given my blood sweat and tears to live like this, to get the things I have now. I’ve spent a lot of nights alone. Fuck, I’ve... felt alone since the moment I got on that train to France, and ever since I’ve been trying to find... something.”

“I thought it was all of this, but maybe it isn’t. I was always searching for the next big thing, the next move on the chessboard, the next city to take over. I didn’t realise how none of it made me happy until I walked into the Garrison the day you came here.”

A pause. A beat of silence.

“Look, I’m not the most articulate man, but God, I’m in love with you. I’ve loved you since the very first moment that I saw you. And - and - ” His voice crackles, fizzles out like a firework. “That day that I almost lost you, that nearly fucking killed me. That was when I realised that you were the thing I was searching for. You’re it for me.”

His hands on yours, pulling you in.

“For the first time in my life I don’t have to pretend to be happy. Whenever I see you, I just am. I can’t promise that I’m not going to fuck it up, but I’m trying, you make me want to try. You want to make me be better. You make me better.”

“I love you, (Y/N).”

He said, pressing his palm to your jawline, looking in your eyes with such sincerity and love that you felt as though you were floating.

“Oh, Tommy.” You breathed into the night, swept up and drowning in him, lost in lust and love and devotion, pressing your lips to his. “I love you.”

[uncleshits]

Tango Headcanons

His whole family is Italian and Catholic, so he has a million and one family traditions, including Sauce Day, (why do all Italian families have Sauce Day), and Christmas Mass every year

Absolutely a momma’s boy, she was a single mom for most of his life and he loves her so much. He loves his stepdad too bc he makes Tango’s mom so happy :’)

He also swears A LOT MORE when he comes back from visiting home, somehow his mom swears more than the rest of the team COMBINED (even Shitty)

Tango's mom meets Shitty during family weekend, and she ADORES him, they talk (with a lot of swearing) for 20 minutes before the game about gender politics and hockey and Shitty decides then and there to take Tango under his wing

Tango calls Shitty "Uncle Shits" and Jack "Mr. Jack" (Honestly I love the idea of Whiskey and Tango's relationship paralleling Jack and Shitty's, might make a seperate post about it)

He’s a big cat person

Neurodivergent king, autistic and ADHD, which is one of the reasons he’s such good friends with Chowder (another ADHD king)

GOALIE TANGO OH MY GOD idk if he has a canon position but he has the weird Goalie energy, and he and Chowder have a really special Goalie Bond :’)

Picks up abilities and talents SO FAST, like Compsci and wheeling in canon, but I also think he can watch someone do something like juggling for 3 minutes and then immediately be able to do it, but also there’s some things he cannot do to save his life like baking or acting

Always knows True North. No one knows how, he can fall asleep on the roadie bus and still know which way is North when he wakes up.

When he asks questions, he genuinely remembers all of it, his memory is insanely good, it’s one of the reasons he can pick things up so fast

Bc of his autism and ADHD he struggles a lot with social cues, and he asks questions to try to clarify when he misses one. At first the team is confused why he asks so many seemingly obvious questions but as soon as he explains why he does it they all answer everything without judgement

Switches his major all the time bc he constantly wants to learn about different things, until he settles on double majoring in Compsci (he’s good at it and it’ll get him a good job after graduation) and Philosophy (he loves asking questions, especially the unanswerable ones)

Somehow he double majors and gets near perfect grades but almost never goes to class lmao

He’s never really thought about his sexuality, he swings more straight but has definitely been attracted to guys before

CANON WHEELING KING seriously he’s just so sweet and respectful and listens to his dates and asks genuine questions. He literally tells girls they’re pretty or funny when he doesn't know what else to say, how could you not fall in love with him?

Tango “The Slut” Tangredi

He cannot be trusted behind the wheel of a car, he’s from Jersey, he can only drive 10 miles over the speed limit. He doesn't see any problem with this.

After Bitty and Dex graduate he tries to take over as the new SMH baker and pass on the tradition, but he almost burns down the kitchen down and Bully picks up baking

He idolizes the frogs and he mentors the waffles, he really really cares about team relationships and it really complements Whiskey's captaining style

When he and Hops become friends, they start watching anime and playing Smash together all the time

After Samwell he gets a really great programming gig (like CRAZY good), moves in with Whiskey, and the first thing he does after paying off his student loans is save up and buy his mom a nice house in his hometown :) he's a good son :)

[litwitlady]

For You, From Me

Read on Ao3 (or don’t, lol - yell at me to write SMH instead)

They aren’t talking. Not yet. The fire is warm and bright in Michael’s firepit, dancing shadows across their faces. Alex takes a long drag from his beer, and Michael does the same. There’s a storm brewing a few miles north, just over the mountains, and dusk has come a little earlier than usual.

Neither of them knows what they are doing. Why they are sitting silently across from each other on Christmas Eve not talking. That’s a lie. Michael thinks Alex stopped by out of some misplaced obligation. Alex thinks Michael is waiting for the perfect moment to ask him to leave, sometime soon after the politely offered beer is finished. So he’s drinking much slower than Michael thinks he is.

The wind picks up and Michael stokes the fire, eyes risking the distance between them to catch Alex’s gaze. Questions bending the flames shining in his pupils. Still, he doesn’t say anything.

It starts to snow and it’s too cold to stay outside. Even Michael is no longer comfortable. But Alex doesn’t move beyond another sip from his beer and an absentminded rub at his knee. Michael doesn’t know what game they’re playing or even if they are playing a game at all. But he’s afraid if he moves first, he’ll wind up the loser.

(If you ask him what he’ll lose, his answer will be Alex. His answer is always Alex.)

So Michael cheats. Summoning his TK, he turns on the old radio inside the Airstream. There’s nothing but static so he shifts the dial through the various AM stations until Christmas music begins to play. Floating from the trailer and filling the spaces between them.

Alex leans forward. Elbows resting on his knees, ear turned to listen. O Holy Night drifts through the air, and Michael thinks he sees Alex smile. But he convinces himself it was nothing but hope spinning her web of lies.

‘This one’s my favorite.’ The break in their silence startles Michael, unexpected but welcome. He stays quiet because he wants Alex to continue. Because as long as Alex is talking that means Alex is staying and not leaving. Staying and not leaving and talking to him.

It’s so simple really. Also, deceptive.

‘It was on that mixtape I made you. Do you remember? That first Christmas I had holiday leave? I tried to sing it myself but wasn’t very successful.’ Another pull from his bottle. Eyes focused on the storm over Michael’s shoulder. Snow falling in earnest now, piling around them.

Michael still has that cassette tape, the ink faded from how many times he’d traced over Alex’s handwritten For You, From Me. It’s not more than ten feet away, tucked safely inside his most worn boots. ‘I thought you sounded pretty great.’ The strain in his voice surprises him. A lump forms in his throat, and he swallows rough, wondering when something this simple won’t feel this hard.

Alex definitely smiles now. Teeth shining in the firelight. His sweater’s sleeves pulled halfway down his fingers. They really should go inside. ‘You’re biased.’

‘Absolutely.’ He smiles too. Brighter, broader. Begging Alex to notice how much he wants this. Alex sitting across from him. Sitting and staying and talking.

‘Storm’s picking up.’ Beer, sip, shaking the snow out of his hair. ‘I should go.’

No. No, no, no. ‘Sure. Don’t want you to get snowed in all the way out here.’

No. Goddammit, no.

Alex stands, the light dusting of snow falling from his thighs. ‘Merry Christmas, Guerin.’ And then, he’s walking away. A ghost in the night, swallowed by Christmases past. ‘Unless.’ He speaks and Michael stops breathing.

Alex turns, steps closer. Once, twice. Stops just beyond the fire’s reach. Hands stuffed in his pockets.

The snow is blowing thick now. It’s too cold to be outside.

‘Unless you stay.’ Michael hears himself say it. Out loud and heart racing.

‘Unless I stay.’ Unless he stays.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Michael rises, slowly. Scared he might spook whatever this is. Walks to his door, swinging it open and stepping aside. Alex climbs his stairs and turns left, shrugging off his coat and lowering himself onto the edge of Michael’s bed.

It should be awkward. Too much. And not ever enough.

But it isn’t.

Michael shuts the door. Eager, ready, done waiting. The lump gone, speaking easily now. ‘I could make some coffee. We could talk.’

Alex nods. Another smile, this one blinding. ‘I’d like that.’

O Holy Night starts to play again. As if the universe believes in Christmas miracles too.

And they sit. And they stay. And they talk. The snow falling heavy around them.

Yes. Goddammit, yes.

[mishervellous]

lip and fiona!

AAAHH thank you so much for the ask! beware I talk way too much but let’s get this show on the road

Philipp dear Phillip! first of all how do you spell his name? google tells me three different things dnsosnsi

How I feel about this character

so listen. I know that in later seasons liking Lip can be seen as controversial yet brave (namely S11 but ✨fuck that✨) but I just love this character so much. I hope Ian’s covering his ears rn but Lip was my fave character for the longest time! like even when gallavich was kicking off in season 2 I was a hardcore Lip stan—I still am, but he’s not my fave anymore (Ian sweaty you can uncover your ears now). the thing about him is…I think he always had the best intentions. no one in Shameless has a pristine track record when it comes to being assholes or making the poorest decisions of all time, so of course Lip had his questionable (more than questionable grrrr Mandy grrrrr) moments, but at the end of the day I think he did what he did—or most of what he did—because he loves his family. I think he was and is as important to the growth of the Gallaghers as Fiona was, and I’m excited to think about him getting his life back on track once again and being the new Gallagher leader (ok Lord of the Flies: Chicago edition; you know what I mean tho! like I want him to be the uncle/father/older wise badass man everyone in the family goes to for advice or to vent). no Gallagher is immune to their upbringing, it always seems to catch up with them one way or another—but he bounced back! he said you know what? fuck our circumstances. I’m gonna overcome this. and he will overcome it again!!

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I used to be a big Lip/Mandy shipper (the lesser Gallavich or Gallavich 2 as I like to call them) [more on this in the controversial opinion section], but Tami slam dunked me to the ground from the moment she first appeared so I am a Lip/Tami stan through and through now lmao I think the Gallagher bois need someone tough to measure up with them, and Tami meets and exceeds the badass criteria by a mile and a half. they’re perfect for each other 🥰🥰

My unpopular opinion about this character

I’ve said before and I’ll say it again: Lip/Mandy? so much wasted potential. I know that pairing can be controversial, but I just think that if the writers had engaged with Gallavich 2 as much as they did with Gallavich 1 we would’ve had another amazing (and tragic and angsty but amazing nonetheless) love story. do @ me I wanna hear your opinions!

My non-romantic OTP for this character

📢 LIP AND IAN 📢 they are !!!!! I love their relationship so, so, so much. I love their banter, their shared dumbassery and the obvious love and care they share for each other, and have had for each other since season 1. I loved their earlier dynamics (just two brothers doing dumb shit to deal with the dumb shit in their life), I loved caring!Lip even more in later seasons. and the established dynamics now that they’re older? [chef’s kiss] they’re each other’s Jiminy Crickets (spelling? never heard of her) even though they’re absolutely not qualified to give advices so they end up fucking each other up but at least they try. at least, at the end of the day, they have each other—with a cigarette and a smile and a non-judgmental silence. am I projecting/utopying (mary that ain’t even a word smh) their relationship because I love them both so much? YES LEAVE ME ALONE

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

one thing I wish would’ve happened is that season 11 wouldn’t’ve happened. that’s it that’s the tweet. also Lickey kiss goodbye djsjdnsis

okay this was way too long because I don’t know how to shut up so I’m gonna do Fiona in another ask in a bit 🥰🥰🥰

[hushyouu]

to my flower, ven

it's been precisely four months and twelve days since i last had you in my arms. i hope life is well in bourou village. don't stay out by the coast too often, the tides are particularly strong this spring.

kazuha has grown tired of my lamenting. even yuki, our travelling cat companion, now hides away the moment i say your name. i can't say much for yuki, but the least kazuha could do is listen when i profess my undying love for you since i've had to listen to every one of his haikus since our journey began. i know you would listen though. you always do. whether it's about a new recipe or about my day or our future, you always listen, my flower. just one of the things i love about you.

we reached the shores of narukami island two days ago, it's just as beautiful as you imagined. we've taken up residence with a shrewd old man named tejima. he reminds me a lot of my swordsmanship master. if master ever had a twin, tejima-san would fit the role perfectly.

lately, there have been whispers in the village. for a place as serene as konda village, i'm surprised such word made it's way here. they speak of the raiden shogun's sword art — the musou no hitotachi. kazuha tells me it can only be witnessed when divine punishment is administered. it's said to be most beautiful and terrifying; the pinnacle of power. the raiden shogun's symbol. hearing him speak of it as if it was something unattainable made me ponder: what if there was someone who could withstand it? while i don't question the grace and strength of the musou no hitotachi, there has to be a way to defy the will of the shogun. after all, there will always be those who dare to brave the lighting's glow.

tomorrow, kazuha and i will part ways. i intend to travel to inazuma city to perfect my sword art while kazuha tells me he wishes to visit his old home. sentimental as usual. i'll miss his company, though probably not his haikus, those i could do without.

i know you must think i'm slipping further and further away from you, but dearest sun, right now, you and i are two separate pieces. two halves of the same whole. even though we are apart, no matter where i go and who i meet, you will always be the place i call home. i can't even begin to tell you how much i wish i could be right by your side. everyday, it is my first thought in the morning and my last at night. soon, my flower, soon. no matter how far away i am, you are always on my mind.

i would rather spend time away from you and be able to still laugh with you, see you when i can, and live a happy life with you, than not see you at all. you add a happiness to my life that i could never know even hope to dream of.

i would bear the weight of eternity for you.

i would walk through scorched lands and ravaged seas for your smile.

i would journey to the afterworld and back if it meant another moment by your side.

one day, when there are no longer miles and seas and mountains between us and every day is a new day with you, we will reminisce this time apart, knowing it only made our love stronger. knowing that this was something we went through together.

because the prize in the end, having you, is oh so worth it.

i love you. with all my heart. to the end of my days, i love you.

your love,

yuuto.

-vitagen anon (attempt no.1! we all love a completely-wrapped-around-your-finger tomo. disclaimer: completely unproofread (again smh) in case you're wondering, yuuto is the placeholder name i use for tomo. there's an explanation for it in the latest kazuha fluff attempt i sent to sarah. (i can explain it if you don't find the post <3) but i hope this works ksjfhs i'm nearing burnout with all these sabotage attempts so please excuse me if the standard of writing is only subpar. hope you like it ven~!)

apologies who is this? They may have gotten the wrong mailbox. Why would anyone dare go up against the Raiden Shogun’s power? A fool they must be.

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

Disney but just the Queer Mood™ Songs, a full Spotify Playlist

Open to updates should anyone notice a song I missed!

Tracklist with specific lyrics that fuck us all up under the cut:

KEY: A general list of which songs resonate with people. The 🏳️‍🌈is for general songs; if you relate to a song but don’t see ur emoji beneath it, send me a message and I’ll add it!

🏳️‍🌈 General Queer Anthem  🌈 Gays specifically have related to this song  ❤️ Gay Men specifically have related to this song  🧡 Lesbians specifically have related to this song 💕 Bisexuals/Pansexuals specifically have related to this song  💜 Asexuals/Ace-spectrum people specifically have related to this song 💚 Aromatics/Aro-spectrum people specifically have related to this song 🤍 Trans people have specifically related to this song 🖤 Nonbinary/Genderqueer people have specifically related to this song  💗 Polyamorous people have specifically related to this song

Know Who You Are - Moana

🏳️‍🌈

They have stolen the heart from inside you But this does not define you  This is not who you are You know who you are...

I Wonder - Sleeping Beauty 

🌈🧡

I wonder, I wonder, I wonder why each little bird has a someone To sing to, sweet things to, A gay little love melody I wonder, I wonder, I wonder if my heart keeps singing, Will my song go winging To someone, who'll find me And bring back a love song to me...

Mother Knows Best - Tangled

🏳️‍🌈 honestly this is just... a general song for some of our shitty relationships to guardian figures...

It's a scary world out there Mother knows best One way or another Something will go wrong, I swear

Me, I'm just your mother, what do I know? I only bathed and changed and nursed you Go ahead and leave me, I deserve it Let me die alone here, be my guest When it's too late You'll see, just wait Mother knows best

Don't forget it You'll regret it...

Dangerous to Dream - Frozen Broadway Production

🏳️‍🌈

I can't be what you expect of me But I'm trying every day with all I do and do not say Here on the edge of the abyss Knowing everything in my whole life has lead to this And so I pull inside myself, close the walls, put up my guard I've practiced every single day for this So why is it so hard?

I can't dwell on what we've lost And our secrecy and silence comes at such a cost

I wish I could tell the truth Show you who's behind the door I wish you knew what all this pantomime And pageantry was for

It's dangerous to wish I could make choices of my own Dangerous to even have that thought I'm dangerous just standing here for everyone to see If I let go of rules who knows how dangerous I'd be?

Reflection - Mulan 

🏳️‍🌈🤍🖤- literally everyone requested this. everyone. so im just copy-pasting the entire lyrics sorry not sorry

Look at me, I will never pass for a perfect bride Or a perfect daughter Can it be I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see that if I were truly to be myself I would break my family's heart

Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Somehow I cannot hide who I am, though I’ve tried  When will my reflection show who I am inside?

How I pray that a time will come I can free myself From their expectations On that day, I'll discover someway to be myself And to make my family proud They want a docile lamb No one knows who I am Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide? Must I pretend that I'm Someone else for all time? When will my reflection show Who I am inside? When will my reflection show Who I am inside?

Everything I Ever Thought I Knew - Tangled: The Series

🏳️‍🌈 when u realize u might not be straight lol

I thought no one could love me And how could I have known? I was wrong, oh so wrong

Everything I ever thought I knew Where I've been, where I'm going Everything I counted on turned out to be untrue Could've guessed, should've known, now I do

If none of it was really me then who am I supposed to be?

I guess I'm someone else now I wonder who I am

God Help the Outcasts - Hunchback of Notre Dame

🏳️‍🌈...yeah. yeah

Yes, I know I'm just an outcast I shouldn't speak to You Still, I see Your face and wonder Were You once an outcast, too?

God help the outcasts, hungry from birth Show them the mercy they don't find on Earth God help my people, they look to You, still God help the outcasts or nobody will

I ask for nothing, I can get by But I know so many less lucky than I Please help my people, the poor and downtrod I thought we all were the children of God

Belle (Reprise) - Beauty and the Beast

🌈 when a cishet thinks ur interested smh

Madame Gaston! Can't you just see it? Madame Gaston! His little wife No, sir! Not me! I guarantee it I want much more than this provincial life!

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere I want it more than I can tell And for once it might be grand To have someone understand I want so much more than they've got planned...

Part of Your World - The Little Mermaid

🌈 SO many people requested this one guys it’s not even funny

Wandering free, wish I could be Part of that world

Betcha on land, they understand Bet they don't reprimand their daughters Bright young women, sick of swimming Ready to stand

When's it my turn? Wouldn't I love, Love to explore that shore up above?

One Jump Ahead (Reprise) - Aladdin

🏳️‍🌈

Riff-raff, street rat I don't buy that If only they'd look closer

Would they see a poor boy? No, siree They'd find out There's so much more to me...

Proud of Your Boy - Aladdin Broadway Production 

🏳️‍🌈❤️🤍

That I've been one rotten kid Some son, some pride and some joy But I'll get over these lousin' up Messin' up, screwin' up times...

Water flows under the bridge Let it pass, let it go There's no good reason that you should believe me Not yet, I know, but

Someday and soon I'll make you proud of your boy Though I can't make myself taller Or smarter or handsome or wise I'll do my best, what else can I do? Since I wasn't born perfect like Dad or you...

Someone’s Waiting for You - The Rescuers

🏳️‍🌈

Be brave, little one Make a wish for each sad little tear Hold your head up though no one is near Someone's waiting for you

Always keep a little prayer in your pocket And you're sure to see the light Soon there'll be joy and happiness And your little world will be bright

Have faith, little one Til your hopes and your wishes come true

Stick to the Status Quo - High School Musical 

🏳️‍🌈 🌈 YOU ALL KNOW EXACTLY WHY THIS IS HERE

No, no, no, stick to the stuff you know It is better by far to keep things as they are Don't mess with the flow, no no Stick to the status quo

Into the Unknown - Frozen 2

🏳️‍🌈

I can hear you, but I won't Some look for trouble while others don't There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day And ignore your whispers which I wish would go away

I've had my adventure, I don't need something new I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you

Or are you someone out there who's a little bit like me? Who knows deep down I'm not where I'm meant to be? Every day's a little harder as I feel my power grow Don't you know there's part of me that longs to go

Where are you going? Don't leave me alone How do I follow you Into the unknown?

Go the Distance - Hercules 

🏳️‍🌈

I have often dreamed of a far off place Where a great, warm welcome will be waiting for me

And a voice keeps saying This is where I'm meant to be

I am on my way, I can go the distance I don't care how far, somehow I'll be strong I know every mile will be worth my while I would go most anywhere to find where I belong

Tomorrow - Annie

🏳️‍🌈 - betcha didnt know disney had an annie movie did u

The sun will come out tomorrow Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow There'll be sun

When I'm stuck in a day that's gray and lonely, I just stick out my chin and grin and say, oh, The sun’ll come out tomorrow So you gotta hang on til tomorrow, come what may...

Learn Me Right - Brave

🏳️‍🌈💜💚

Though I may speak some tongue of old Or even spit out some holy word I have no strength with which to speak When you sit me down and see I’m weak

We will run and scream you will dance with me We'll fulfill our dreams, and we'll be free We will be who we are, and they’ll heal our scars Sadness will be far away...

Strange Sight - Tinkerbell and the Legend of the Neverbeast 

🏳️‍🌈

You stand in the light You're wrong, but you're right And my heart's beating wildly Strange how I'm scared but delighted Afraid, but excited too

I will understand you Strange how I'm drawn to the danger I reach out my hand to you

If you're caught in the shadows and turned all around Lost in the darkness, you will be found If you hear my voice, follow the sound Cause I'm here to guide you home... 

I Don’t Dance - High School Musical 2 

🌈 ❤️ 💕 okay so if you weren’t here for the high school musical tumblr revival you may be confused but listen... it’s about being mlm... 

Step up to the plate, start swinging

I wanna play ball Now that’s all, this is what I do It ain’t no dance that you can show me

I’ve got what it takes playin’ my game So you best skin that pitch you gonna throw me, yeah I’ll show you how I swing

I can prove it to you ‘til you know it’s true Cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the diamond too You’re talking a lot, show me what you got Stop, swing!

Kiss the Girl - cover of The Little Mermaid 

this version is sung by a girl so 🧡💕

There you see her, sitting there across the way She don't got a lot to say but there's something about her And you don't know why, but you're dying to try You wanna kiss the girl

Yes, you want her Look at her, you know you do It's possible she want you too There is one way to ask her...

Can You Feel the Love Tonight - The Lion King 

🏳️‍🌈

An enchanted moment And it sees me through It's enough for this restless warrior Just to be with you

There's a time for everyone if they only learn That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors When the heart of this star-crossed voyager Beats in time with yours

And can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer That we got this far And can you feel the love tonight? How it's laid to rest It's enough to make kings and vagabonds Believe the very best

Beauty and the Beast - Beauty and the Beast 

🏳️‍🌈- a lot of queer people tend to empathize with “beastly” characters so we all latched the fuck onto this movie huh

Just a little change, small to say the least Both a little scared, neither one prepared

Ever just the same, ever a surprise Ever as before, ever just as sure As the sun will rise

Tale as old as time, tune as old as song Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change Learning you were wrong...

Healing Incantation - Tangled 

🏳️‍🌈🤍🖤

Heal what has been hurt Change the fates' design Save what has been lost Bring back what once was mine

So Close - Enchanted 

🏳️‍🌈🌈

A life goes by, romantic dreams will stop So I bid mine goodbye and never knew So close was waiting waiting here with you And now, forever, I know All that I wanted to hold you so close

Oh, how could I face the faceless days If I should lose you now?

So close to reaching that famous happy end Almost believing this one's not pretend Let’s go on dreaming though we know we are So close, so close, and still So far...

If Only - Descendants

🏳️‍🌈🌈

A million thoughts in my head Should I let my heart keep listening? Cause up 'til now, I've walked the line Nothing lost but something missing I can't decide what's wrong, what's right Which way should I go?

Every step, every word With every hour I'm feeling in To something new, something brave To someone I've never been

Will you still be with me When the magic's all run out?

If only I knew what my heart was telling me Don't know what I'm feeling Is this just a dream? If only I could read the signs in front of me I could find the way to who I'm meant to be

Wherever You Are - Pooh’s Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin 

🏳️‍🌈- out of context could be interpreted as romantic, esp since the credits version is a duet (🌈 💕) but the original context is friendship so honestly it’s very 💜💚

I'm out here in the dark, all alone and wide awake Come and find me I'm empty and I'm cold, and my heart's about to break Come and find me

I need you to come here and find me Cause without you, I'm totally lost I've hung a wish on every star It hasn't done much good so far I can only dream of you

But when the morning comes and the sun begins to rise, I will lose you Because it’s just a dream, when I open up my eyes, I will lose you

I used to believe in forever, But forever is too good to be true I've hung a wish on every star It hasn't done much good so far

I don't know what else to do Except to try to dream of you And wonder, if you're dreaming too Wherever you are

I Won’t Say (I’m In Love) - Hercules

🏳️‍🌈 🌈 💕

If there's a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that

Who d'you think you're kiddin'? He's the earth and heaven to ya Try to keep it hidden Honey, we can see right through ya Girl, you can't conceal it We know how you feel And who you're thinking of

I thought my heart had learned its lesson It feels so good when you start out My head is screaming "Get a grip, girl!" Unless you're dying to cry your heart out

You keep on denying Who you are and how you're feeling Baby, we're not buying Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling

This scene won't play I won't say I'm in love

At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love

Endless Night - The Lion King Broadway Production 

🏳️‍🌈🤍 🖤 

Where has the starlight gone? Dark is the day How can I find my way home? Home is an empty dream, lost to the night Father, I feel so alone

When will the dawning break, oh, endless night Sleepless I dream of the day

I know that the night must end And that the sun will rise I know that the clouds must clear And that the sun will shine

Set Yourself Free - Tangled: The Series 

🏳️‍🌈🤍

There's much more inside of you than anyone can see And now the choice is yours Life waits beyond the doors So step on through, the time has come And only you can set yourself free!

No one else can tell you what to do Or who to be! No one gets to say if you will stay or go

Look inside your heart and find the key... And set yourself free!

Bound up by your worries Trapped by your mistakes Forced to play a role you never chose Why not test your limits? You've got what it takes Let it out and follow where it goes

No more letting someone else define you to a "T" You know that you are strong You've known it all along So seize the day, let down your hair You’ll find a way to set yourself free!

So look to the horizon Open up your wings! Fly away to find your destiny... And set yourself free!

Speechless - Aladdin 2019 Remake 

🏳️‍🌈 ALL OF US ALL OF US

Here comes a wave meant to wash me away A tide that is taking me under

Cause I'll breathe when they try to suffocate me! Don't you underestimate me! Cause I know that I won't go speechless!

Written in stone, every rule, every word Centuries old and unbending "Stay in your place, better seen and not heard," Well, now that story is ending

Try to lock me in this cage! I won't just lay me down and die! I will take these broken wings And watch me burn across the sky!

I’m Still Here (Jim’s Theme) - Treasure Planet

🏳️‍🌈❤️🤍

I am a question to the world Not an answer to be heard Or a moment that's held in your arms

You don't know me And I'll never be what you want me to be

And what do you think you'd understand I'm a boy - No, I'm a man You can't take me and throw me away And how can you learn what's never shown Yeah, you stand here on your own They don't know me, cause I’m not here 

And I want to tell you who I am Can you help me be a man They can't break me As long as I know who I am

They can't tell me who to be 'Cause I'm not what they see Yeah, the world is still sleepin' While I keep on dreaming for me And their words are just whispers and lies That I'll never believe!

Crossing the Line - cover of Tangled: the Series 

🏳️‍🌈 🧡 tfw when u are DONE with that fuckin closet 

This has to stop now This thing where you think that you've been my friend And don't even hear how you condescend The way you've always done

How I've tried to jump that great divide! But I've never got the chances you were given You don't know how much I've been denied Well, I'm not being patient anymore

I'm crossing the line! And I'm done holding back So look out, clear the track, it's my turn! I'm taking what's mine Every drop, every smidge If I'm burning a bridge, let it burn! But I'm crossing the line...

Let it Go - Frozen 

🏳️‍🌈 listen. i do not have to explain this one. you all know exactly why it’s here. we were all tiny gays in 2013 losing our shit in the theater for no discernable reason why. we know

Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I tried

Don't let them in, don't let them see Be the good girl you always have to be Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know Well, now they know!

Let it go! Let it go! Turn away and slam the door! I don't care what they're going to say!

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all!

No right, no wrong, no rules for me I'm free!

I'm never going back, the past is in the past!

Let it go! Let it go! And I'll rise like the break of dawn Let it go! Let it go! That perfect girl is gone!

This is Me - Camp Rock 

🏳️‍🌈 🧡 💕 🤍

I've always been the kind of girl that hid my face So afraid to tell the world what I've got to say But I have this dream right inside of me I'm gonna let it show it's time To let you know It's to let you know

Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark? To dream about a life where you're the shining star

This is real, this is me I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now Gonna let the light shine on me Now I've found who I am there's no way to hold it in No more hiding who I wanna be...

Breaking Free - High School Musical 

🏳️‍🌈 🖤

You know the world can see us In a way that's different than who we are Creating space between us 'Till we're separate hearts But your faith it gives me strength Strength to believe

Soarin, flyin There’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach If we’re trying, yeah we’re breaking free  We’re running, climbin  To get to the place, to be all that we can be  Now’s the time, so we’re breaking free

True To Your Heart - Mulan 

🏳️‍🌈 🌈

Baby, I knew at once that you were meant for me Deep in my soul, I know that I'm your destiny Though you're unsure Why fight the tide Don't think so much Let your heart decide

True to your heart You must be true to your heart That's when the heavens'll part And, baby, shower you with my love Open your eyes Your heart can tell you no lies And when you're true to your heart I know it's gonna lead you straight to me

Someone ya know is on your side can set you free I can do that for you if you believe in me Why second guess what feels so right Just trust your heart And you'll see the light

Never Knew I Needed - The Princess and the Frog 

🏳️‍🌈 🌈 💕

For the way you changed my plans For being the perfect distraction For the way you took the idea that I have Of everything that I wanted to have And made me see there was something missing...

My accidental happily ever after The way you smile and how you comfort me with your laughter I must admit you were not a part of my book But now if you open it up and take a look You're the beginning and the end of every chapter

You're the best thing I never knew I needed So when you were here I had no idea You'd be the best thing I never knew I needed So now it's so clear I need you here always

Colors of the Wind - Pocahontas 

🏳️‍🌈 - colors.... rainbows.... yea

How can there be so much that you don't know? You don't know...

You think the only people who are people Are the people who look and think like you But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger You'll learn things you never knew, you never knew

How high will the sycamore grow If you cut it down, then you'll never know And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon For whether we are white or copper skinned We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains We need to paint with all the colors of the wind...

I See the Light - Tangled 

🏳️‍🌈 🌈 - you would not BELIEVE how many of y’all requested this one

Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight Now I'm here, suddenly I see Standing here, it's all so clear I'm where I'm meant to be

Now she's here shining in the starlight Now she's here, suddenly I know If she's here it's crystal clear I'm where I'm meant to go

And at last I see the light And it's like the fog has lifted And at last I see the light And it's like the sky is new And it's warm and real and bright And the world has somehow shifted

All at once, everything looks different Now that I see you

Strangers Like Me - Tarzan 

🏳️‍🌈 🤍 🖤- that moment when u find another queer person and ur like “holy shit”

I can see there's so much to learn It's all so close and yet so far I see myself as people see me Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there

Come with me now to see my world Where there's beauty beyond your dreams Can you feel the things I feel Right now, with you Take my hand There's a world I need to know...

Why Should I Worry? - Oliver & Company 

🏳️‍🌈- we’re queer, we’re here, get used to it 

Why should I worry? Why should I care? I may not have a dime But I got street savoir-faire Why should I worry? Why should I care? It's just be-bopulation And I got street savoir-faire

Why should I worry? Why should I care? And even when I crossed that line I got street savoir-faire

Welcome - Brother Bear 

🏳️‍🌈 pride parade amirite

Everyone's invited This is how we live We are here for each other, happy to give All we have we share And all of us we care

There's a bond between us nobody can explain It's a celebration of life We see our friends again I'll be there for you I know you'll be there for me, too So come on!

This has to be the most beautiful The most peaceful place I've ever been to It's nothing like I've never seen before When I think how far I've come I can't believe it And yet I see it In them I see family I see the way we used to be...

The Great Divide - Tinkerbell and the Secret of the Wings

🏳️‍🌈

I'm on your side Let's take this ride And together we're facing the world Doing things nobody's done before And the great divide doesn’t seem so wide anymore

With You by My Side - Tangled: the Series 

💗 - tangled the series was so close to being canon polyam istg

Now; now more than ever We must stick together united

If we're destined to head in our own different ways Let's make the most of these sweet final days Why not go out in a glorious blaze

There's nothing I couldn't do Not with you by my side What in the world would I do Without you by my side...

Love Will Find a Way - The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride

🏳️‍🌈 🌈

In a perfect world One we've never known We would never need to face the world alone They can have the world We'll create our own I may not be brave or strong or smart But somewhere in my secret heart

And if only they could feel it too The happiness I feel with you

Like dark turning into day Somehow we'll come through Now that I've found you Love will find a way I know love will find a way

Space Between - Descendants 2

🧡 never have i ever seen gays flock to a song faster

And you can find me in the space between Where two worlds come to meet I'll never be out of reach Cause you're a part of me so you can find me in the space between You'll never be alone No matter where you go We can meet in the space between

Even if we're worlds apart You're still in my heart It will always be you and me, yeah

If I Never Knew You - Pocahontas

🏳️‍🌈🌈

And if I never held you I would never have a clue How at last I'd find in you The missing part of me...

In this world so full of fear Full of rage and lies I can see the truth so clear In your eyes So dry your eyes

If I never knew you I'd be safe but half as real Never knowing I could feel A love so strong and true

I thought our love would be so beautiful  Somehow we'd make the whole world bright I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong All they'd leave us were these whispers in the night But still my heart is saying we were right

I’d Give Anything - Tangled: the Series 

🧡 rapunzel’s sad breakup song

So if you find that you're in darkness or despair Though you won't turn to me please know I'll be right there Name any sacrifice, I'll pay the price that's due Cause I'd give anything for you Yes, I'd give anything to relive everything we knew...

Someday - Hunchback of Notre Dame 

🏳️‍🌈

I used to believe In the days I was naïve That I'd live to see A day of justice dawn And though I will die Long before that morning comes I'll die while believing still It will come when I am gone

Someday, when we are wiser When the world's older, when we have learned I pray someday we may yet live To live and let live

Someday, these dreams will all be real Till then we'll wish upon the moon Change will come, one day Someday soon... 

No One Is Alone - Into the Woods 

🏳️‍🌈

Mother cannot guide you, now your on your own. Only me beside you, still you're not alone. No one is alone. Truly, no one is alone…

People make mistakes Holding to their own  Thinking they’re alone 

Someone is on your side, someone else is not  While we’re seeing our side, maybe we forgot  They are not alone, no one is alone...

I Am Moana (Song of the Ancestors) - Moana

🏳️‍🌈 🤍 - it’s about the self-acceptance binch

Sometimes, the world seems against you The journey may leave a scar But scars can heal and reveal just Where you are

The people you love will change you The things you have learned will guide you And nothing on Earth can silence The quiet voice still inside you

I've delivered us to where we are I have journeyed farther I am everything I've learned and more Still it calls me

And the call isn't out there at all, it's inside me! It's like the tide, always falling and rising I will carry you here in my heart, you remind me That come what may I know the way

Show Yourself - Frozen 2 

🏳️‍🌈 - this one was claimed immediately by the queer community and we all have a stake in it but i do want to point out that i got this from a LOT of 🤍 🖤 💜 💚

I have always been a fortress Cold secrets deep inside You have secrets too But you don't have to hide

I've never felt so certain All my life, I've been torn But I'm here for a reason Could it be the reason I was born? I have always been so different Normal rules did not apply Is this the day? Are you the way I finally find out why?

Oh, show yourself Let me see who you are... Come to me now Open your door Don't make me wait One moment more!

(Come, my darling, homeward bound) I am found!

Transformation / Beauty and the Beast (Reprise) - Beauty and the Beast Broadway Production 

🏳️‍🌈

We are home, we are where we shall be forever  Trust in me, for you know I won’t run away from today This is all that I need, and all that I need to say  Don’t you know how you’ve changed me? Strange how I finally see  I found home, you’re my home, stay with me... 

Finale / Let it Go - Frozen Broadway Production 

🏳️‍🌈 this makes me bawl so it gets finale

There’s so much I longed to say Then say it all, beginning with today It’s like a dream I thought could never be  Elsa, you’re free 

Here we stand in the light of day Let the sun shine on 

I take this warmth within and send it up above Goodbye to dark and fear, let’s fill this world with light and love And here surrounded by a family at least  We’re never going back, the past is in the past 

Let our true love go  Let it go!