#miura probably wouldn’t mind at all

[translationandbetrayals]

Kimi ni Todoke, age-gap relationships and shoujo sins

Kimi ni Todoke is probably one of the most popular shoujo romances of the late 2000s/2010s. The story follows Kuronuma Sawako, a 15 year old girl who cannot seem to connect with people around her due to her gloomy appearance and her name being similar to the character in The Ring—Sadako. As the series progresses, we see her being able to form deep bonds with those around her, including her crush, Kazehaya Shouta.

Personally, I love it. I think Sawako is a very special character who loves deeply and sincerely cares about the people around her, and it’s great to see how she starts to develop her communication skills to the point everyone can see her as the genuinely kind person she is by the end of the story. However, Sawako (and her relationship with Shouta) is not what I would like to discuss today.

There are other characters to Kimi ni Todoke, and each is enticing in their own way. You have Kurumizawa Ume, Sawako’s love rival; Yoshido Chuzuru and Yano Ayane, Sawako’s first and closest friends; Miura Kento, a hard-to-describe-but-eventually-kind classmate; Sanada Ryuu, Chizuru’s best friend (and eventually, a love interest) and close friend to Shouta; Arai Kuzuichi, the homeroom teacher also known as Pin; among others. Today, I want to focus on Chizuru and Ayane.

Ayane (left) and Chizuru (right)

Chizuru, a somewhat dense but loyal girl, has known Ryuu all her life, due to them living in the same neighborhood and spending their childhoods and teenhods together. Ryuu explicitly tells Sawako that he has feelings for Chizuru when they find themselves alone—however, he knows it’s pointless, because she has feelings for his older brother by eight years, Tohru.

When Chizuru reveals her crush on Tohru to Ayane and Sawako, they support her, without putting into question the fact that she is just a 15 year old girl and he is a 23 year old grown-ass man with a job, a driver’s license and a mortgage to pay. And I don’t blame them, honestly; at that age, we don’t tend to question the power imbalances in romantic relationships between teenagers and adults (especially between teenage girls and grown men, the most common example of this phenomenon), let alone in the 2010s, as it’s very normalized in both Japanese society and here. It’s a whole can of worms.

When Tohru comes back home for a quick family visit, Chizuru stumbles upon him at the Sanada residence, and she’s excited to show her how much she’s grown and her ✨womanly✨ side that she’s been working on. However, he walks in with his fiancée: a woman his age who he’s fallen in love with and expects to spend the rest of his life with.

Chizuru is, of course, devastated—she had been living with that crush ever since she was a little girl, slowly fueling it as she grew older, hoping that eventually the years that separated them wouldn’t be a problem when she eventually proved hershelf to be a woman and not just his little brother’s friend. But Tohru had seen her grow up, hadn’t he, next to his little brother as they caught bugs and played in the grass.

Next is Ayane, a very feminine girl who isn’t afraid to speak what’s on her mind and is also incredibly loyal. At the beginning of the show, it’s revealed that she has a boyfriend: an older guy, specifically a university student, that we don’t get to see the face of.

This relationship ends in disaster, because the guy grows jealous of the time Ayane spends without him—he’s jealous of her friends, of the fact that she’s still a high school student, and hates that she can’t devote every second of her life to him. When she tries to break up with him due to this behavior, he hits her in the face. She doesn’t let herself be intimidated and breaks up with him, though.

When the rest of the gang finds out, I personally believe there wasn’t too much outrage for what was done to Ayane, but I digress. That’s neither here nor there.

She then tries to date guys her age—you know, other teenage boys and not adult men—as she admits she’s never dated anyone who isn’t older than her, and she attempts it twice. It was futile, sadly, as she couldn’t actually manage to catch romantic feelings for either of them, despite how badly she wanted that to be the case with the second boy.

However, she starts developing a crush on no one other than her nemesis: their homeroom teacher, Pin, who is a bit of a gym-bro, incredibly hyper and also nosy as hell. The two spent a considerable amount of time butting heads in a myriad of situations, but Ayane was also aware that Pin genuinely cared about all his students and tried to help them as much as he could.

Ayane really curses herself for catching feelings for Pin, as she knows it would never be possible, and she believes it’s karma for dating the second guy without actually having feelings for him and giving it a shot knowing she could never reciprocate.

Pin, despite his odd behavior, is very aware of the fact that he’s a teacher and that he’s responsible for the students, so he never even slightly entertains the idea of dating any of them. In fact, he directly and consistently opposes the idea. There’s a misunderstanding earlier in the story, where Pin, being overconfident and conceited, believes that Ume’s feelings are directed at him and not Shouta. He doesn’t give her time to explain if that is or not the case, because he immediately starts to shut her down. Pin flatters himself, saying that it’s only natural for people to fall for him, but Ume is a ‘brat’ and she should be worried about dating ‘other brats’, not older guys like him. A consistent character trait of Pin is that he will never, ever, look at a student that way.

There are three different age-gap relationships* in Kimi ni Todoke, involving two different characters, and I think it’s there to explicitly state that, when it comes to teens and adults, things don’t work out.

Shoujo catches a lot of smoke in animanga circles, and one of the criticisms I see is the normalization and romantization of age-gap relationships. And, as a shoujo enjoyer myself, I can absolutely see that! One of my all-time favorite series is Fruits Basket, and my biggest beef with it is how they really go out of their way to portray age-gap relationships between literal kids and grown ass adult men as something good. Like, these dudes can literally buy a house and the girls can’t even vote at that age. You see it twice: first, with Katsuya and Kyouko, the protagonist’s parents, who were a teacher and high school student respectively, with an eleven-year gap that met when the girl was just 15; the second time, with one of the protagonist’s best friends, who falls in love with and starts to date a 26 year old man as a 17 year old. I have another guy in there under surveillance as well—Kazuma, you ain’t slick!

Hell, I can even see it a little bit in Lovely Complex, when Risa was feeling defeated after being rejected by Atsushi for the gazillionth time. She starts to force herself to like their new English teacher, Maity, solely because he looks like the main character of an otome game—which I can respect, by the way, because it’s girl math. Anyway, she isn’t the only student with a crush on him, and at one point, to help Atsushi realize his feelings, he even plays along with the whole liking Risa thing. And no one thinks it’s weird that a teacher is involving himself like that in teenagers’ business. And I am perfectly aware it isn’t serious, honestly, but I can still see this problem present in one way or the other even if it’s not actually being seriously considered as an actual plot point.

I’m someone who went to an all-girls school, and I saw first-hand how my friends got into relationships with guys who were way too old for them (hell, 8th grade girls dating 12th grade guys who were a couple of months away from being 18), and I can assure you that all of them ended in disaster. Now that we’re in our early 20s, wiser due to our prefrontal cortexes being closer to finishing their development, they can see how messed up their relationships were because they were at a disadvantage from the start.

I think Kimi ni Todoke does put in the effort to denounce these situations, and it’s something I appreciate from the bottom of my heart. Tohru loves Chizuru deeply, but he can only see her as a little sister and he makes it clear that she’s family to him. Ayane’s first (shown) relationship is with an older guy and it ends in disaster because they’re in completely different stages in life and want different things. And he’s also, like, a major asshole. And Ayane knows Pin would never look at her that way because he’s made it indisputable that that’s his position.

And, eventually, things work out for these girls. For the most part. All well that ends well.

Francisca Salgado. ☆

[imdrowninginocs]

They’re a 10 but...

BNHA OCs Meme:

Nobuo Doko: He doesn’t use headphones in public

Kaiyo Ando: She will replace letters with “w” when she talks (i.e: Sowwy)

Hajime Arabori: They moan when they eat something tasty

Chiharu Fujimori: She wouldn’t mind her lover being a slasher (horror movie villains)

Tsuneo Kunshi: He basically second-hand preaches his lifestyle whenever you talk to him

Izanagi Majin: He jokingly/playfully flirts with everyone

Susumu Miura: He unintentionally acts like a creep

Sachiko Motoumou: She’s a shopaholic–she has multiple closets full of clothes

Akio Namino: He makes dangerous decisions for clout

Bunji Nishida: He tracks dirt into the house–his shoes are always dirty

Osamu Okino: He leaves dandruff (shed skin) all over the place

Kiyoshi Onkeo: He will put food he didn’t eat back on serving trays

Megumi Sui: She eats smelly food in public

Michio Takenaka: He never pays people back, and never offers to pay

Kin Teruya: She’s a furry

Etsuko Ueno: She gives unsolicited advice

Tsutsutaka Agoyamato: He’s a loud and proud burper

Chikuchi Togeike: She purposely cancels plans because of the rush of endorphins it gives–she was probably not going to go anyways

Hana Hamamoto: She gets distracted when you hang out–even on dates–and will ditch you

Yasuhiro Kubo: He leaves his dirty laundry all over the place

Hitoshi Shinso: Keeps leaving things in his pockets when he washes clothes

[tariah23]

Oh… So Berserk is going to still continue after Miura’s death anyway?

[alovelyburn]

Rambles about The Golden Age Arc - Part 5

I sometimes say that I’m not sure if the Golden Age Arc is actually my favorite Berserk storyline... and that’s true. But that said, I do think it’s probably the strongest 10ish long stretch of volumes. Because the thing is, the Golden Age is really broken down into several arcs, as well as three acts - and I kind of want to write about the three acts thing at some point but nevermind that. 

The point is, there are several subarcs within the Golden Age, and if I look at the arcs as individual subarcs ala say the Lost Children arc, there are others sub-arcs that I like as much the subarcs that make up the Golden Age. The biggest one that comes to mind is the Ganishka confrontation that culminates in Femto  using Ganishka’s corpse to break reality.

But I don’t think there’s any other area where I can say there’s 10 volumes where almost every individual issue or subarc is made of gold.

Anyway, back to....

Rambles about The Golden Age Arc - Part 5

1. Foss and Griffith’s meeting in the palace halls is pretty amusing because Foss is playing 2D Chess with a 4D chess player and he doesn’t even realize it until it’s too late. And I say 2D chess specifically because I do think he thinks he’s smarter and more subtle than he is. The conversation he has with Griffith here is honestly pretty suspicious, you know? Like if you’re Griffith, even if you didn’t already kind of suspect Foss for reasons of eye movement, wouldn’t you get red flags from the way he’s prodding around to see how you react to things like gosh what if you were actually the target gosh gosh, and wow Adonis he sure was young. It’s suspicious especially since the idea had already been settled in the minds of most people. 

And since Griffith is in fact the person behind that attack, this correction is quite pointed. It’s also appropriate because this is around the time Griffith is realizing that Foss is the orchestrator of the assassination plot, because of course the men in that hallway are the men responsible for that death, in the end. Julius and Guts were just the hands that wielded the weapons. Julius’s death, and Adonis’s as well, are the result of human machinations with a root in human prejudices, and it’s always best not to lose track of that.

I will also note that Griffith correcting the assignment of “evil” actions to demons vs. humanity itself also suits the themes of the series as a whole - the pettiness and pain and frailty of humanity, which ultimately gives rise not only to the Godhand but even to the very concept of evil itself. 

2. The Queen really looks like she walked straight out of a Riyoki Ikeda book doesn’t she? When I was a kid I was obsessed with Rose of Versailles - one of the few manga series that my mother brought with her from Japan - and I used to sit around drawing those ornate dresses and such. Looking at the Queen just brings me right back to things like what I used to call the Number Five ballgown - which was this ornate dress that Marie Antionette wore to court that I was obsessed with. Anyway.

3. Another reason I wondered if the Promrose chapter was around (roughly) the time Miura decided to turn Guts and Casca into a romance is because not only does it mark a change in her reactions to Guts, it also marks a shift in her reactions to Griffith. I don’t think the Promrose speech in itself affected Casca’s view of him, though, it’s more like the narrative starts to prepare her to move away from him. 

I do wonder sometimes how the Hawks saw that relationship, the Griffith/Casca thing. Because on one hand it does seem like the Hawks all knew Griffith was extremely obsessive when it comes to Guts... but on the other hand, when Guts is talking to Judeau about his departure he says something to the effect of ‘everyone knows she and Griffith....” and the discussion proceeds from there into the reasons Casca can’t give him what he needs, which is power. So I wonder if people thought Griffith would have been with Casca if he weren’t kind of bound by his ambition into pursuing Charlotte instead.

I’m going to think on that one!

Anyway back to Casca - when I first read Berserk and got to this whole thing with Casca’s period, I really thought.... wow Miura just shouldn’t write about women’s issues, like he has no idea. A friend of mine who has particularly bad PMDD did eventually read Berserk and tell me that it run true to her, so I’ve stopped lambasting him about it but I do kind of doubt that portrayal was based on research and a thorough understanding of PMDD. I often think Casca really takes the blunt of Miura’s youthful inexperience with writing. Even at this early point in the series the writing is generally quite masterful - in fact to this day a lot of people think it’s the best arc part of the series. But there are some missteps and almost every one of them is focused on Casca. 

4. Also, let’s look at Guts.

It’s interesting because it wasn’t so long ago - just over 100 pages in fact - that Guts referred to himself as just one soldier when talking to Griffith about his... crazy daredevil tactics with Zodd. Not to mention last arc he was up there telling Griffith to just tell him what to do. 

But I think you can draw a line between Griffith’s “Do I need a reason?” and this situation. It goes back to what i was speculating about yesterday regarding the different ways they perceive their friendship - Griffith sees Guts as an equal, Guts sees himself as Griffith’s favorite soldier, and their closeness as being real, yes, but he does still feel the schism of each man’s respective status. But the thing is, when Guts puts that schism to words - why would you risk yourself over just one soldier? - Griffith essentially disagreed with him. “You’re not just a soldier, you’re someone I will put myself at risk for.” The impact of this was pretty powerful - he ends up deciding to stay with the Hawks and dedicate himself to Griffith “for now,” but honestly does anyone think he would have left if he hadn’t overhead the Promrose speech?

Long story less long I’m saying even if he hadn’t fully digested the information in that statement from Griffith about risking himself, it had started to settle into him. His mind was starting to change its path. And he obviously really liked the idea that Griffith truly cared about him and considered him a friend. 

And then the Promrose speech just ends up knocking him back to “just one soldier,” except now he’s no longer satisfied with that. He thought for a moment that he was, or could be, something else and now he’s back where he started but now that place stings. 

And so we end up here, with his growing understanding obscured by a resurgence in his self-esteem issues even though we as readers know...

...that Griffith is still ready to risk everything over this.

5. Okay so going back to Casca and Guts and the epic flashback, which I do think is one of the most important sequences in the story, let alone the Golden Age arc, as it provides the basic foundation for understanding both Griffith and Casca’s basic characters and dynamic, as well as being one of the strongest direct clarifications of what exactly is going on with Griffith and Guts. 

This transition in subject is so funny, like I get it, he’s trying to change the subject from how much she hates him because it’s not like A FUN TOPIC and also probably not that interesting to him. Plus she’s been complaining about being a woman and having to deal with all the bullshit that she does, in fact, have to deal with as a female soldier so I’m sure he’s genuinely curious about what in the world would make someone want to go into soldiering under those circumstances. But it’s still pretty funny how hes like “(FUCK THIS BITCH SHOULD HAVE LET HER DROWN.) So let’s chitchat about your past!”

Anyway it’s kinda tough to break into this flashback stuff but here we go.  

I have seen people suggest that Griffith is an asshole for throwing Casca a sword instead of saving her directly. I disagree. First of all I think its a bit much to assume he would have let her be raped in front of him if she hadnt defended herself, but ultimately I think giving her the choice - and specifically pushing her to decide that she wants to fight back, that her bodily integrity is worth fighting for, worth risking her life for,  - that’s what empowers her to become a hero instead of a damsel. Because when he first comes across her, she’s given up and accepted that this is her life. It’s Griffith’s arrival, his questioning of the noble’s right to do whatever he wants with her, and his pushing her to the decision point that makes her think there is another possibility. 

It reminds me a bit of the scene with Theresia where Guts basically dares her to commit suicide in order to force her to decide if that’s what she really wants, or if she wants to live. 

It’s also entirely in line with the bits of his belief system and what appeals to him that show up and leak out (or are, in some rare cases, stated directly). He is, as we’ve gone over before, drawn to someone who doesn’t just take what comes to them - someone who is willing to fight back, to gamble their life and struggled  against the things that threaten them. 

Also that line - “Does being a noble mean you are chosen by God?” echoes back to his musings way back in the Black Swordsman arc, and also in Promrose - the belief that the world can be changed by people who arent given that power by their birth - not to mention his dislike of nobility that peeks through in certain situations. A disdain for hereditary power, I guess - or at least the hoarding of power in the hands of people who feel entitled simple because of their birth rank.

Anyway the point is - by empowering Casca, Griffith enables her to become the woman she is... but I think in a certain way, by making her decide to be strong, he made himself more of an idol than he would have been if he just made that decision for her. Because now she attributes her strength to him, and that means everything to her.

But there is one quirk. 

I have a lot to say about Griffith’s role as a symbol to nobles, to commoners - and maybe I’ll get into it at some point, but for now I will note that her description of her idolization of him is in past tense - back then I idolized him, he was like a prophet or saint, he was a miracle to me. I think this is important because of the way her perception of him shifts basically during the flashback in this chapter. 

Enter Gennon. The Berserk manual thingie calls him Governor General Shotacon and says he deserves to die, which yes let’s all agree that’s the case. Anyway as of this point in the flashback, Casca still basically sees Griffith as a godlike figure. 

And Griffith, for his part, always seems aware of her and when she needs reassurance, in this case because she’s staring at what could have been her own future - what would have been if he hadn’t come across her in that moment. 

Of course this is possible in part because at this point he is still up close and personal with his troupes. I mean... when he met Guts he was 15 years old, right? So when he was running around doing mercenary work and running into Gennon and all what was he, like 13 or 14? What the hell. At this time he’s fairly fresh out of his alleyways - a few years on sure but they’ve just been a band of thieves or doing minor mercenary work. But then we get the death of the child.

Now... when someone says Griffith doesn’t care about his soldiers, when they say he’s a sociopath who only cares about himself, I want to know what they’re smoking because if that’s the case, what’s going on here? No one noticed this kid. No one cared that he died. Even Casca doesn’t remember his name. The only one who cares, the only one who is affected by that death, is Griffith. Not only does he recognize the child and remember him, he even paid enough attention to this kid to recognize the broken knight toy that marks his passing. 

Griffith is deeply affected by this. Casca even notes that she had never seen him so somber, and the moment itself leaves her speechless. Casca says herself that this is when her perspective on Griffith starts to change - I would say at this point it is her beginning to see that he is not an untouchable marble figure - there is something fragile and rather sensitive under his carefully composed presentation. ...and of course, that presentation is about to crack even farther and irrevocably change the way she sees him.

Which, of course, brings us to this:

...I hate leaving off in the middle of a chapter, but I have to go to the office tomorrow so I can’t be up until 4am talking about Berserk. Since this is a suitably dramatic moment to leave off, I shall away and then tomorrow after work I shall ramble some more.

So uh, bai, good night, later gators, etc etc..

[bthump]

I just saw the ask you answered about whether guts is fully human or not, and while i agree with your opinion on it and think that guts being completely human is an important aspect of his character and parallel to griffith, i’ve also wondered if maybe miura originally meant to imply that he might not be and was gonna do smth with it eventually. Personally, when i first read the manga years ago, i kinda thought he might have some kind of connection to zodd. It was mostly their hairstyle and incredible strength, but idk, smth about him made me feel like there was more to it than coincidence. Imo since Guts is the main character his design is supposed to stand out, but zodd looks kinda like a demon version of him. Then again gambino and him have similar hair too, but that might be a way to show his influence and parental role on guts. Zodd prob wouldn’t know if he had gotten guts’ mom pregnant or anything but it was always kept in the back of my mind as a possibility. Idk if maybe it was an idea miura only played with in the beginning then scrapped, or if it was eventually supposed to become part of the story, or it wasn’t his intention at all, but i like to think about it. Idk if i sound completely stupid lol but i was just wondering what you thought about this, sorry

That's fair! I probably phrased my last post a little harshly because I'm personally not very into those kinds of plot-twists in general, but yeah I mean, I can totally see why you'd make that connection.

I think that Zodd and Guts are intentionally meant to be similar in a lot of ways, and I think that's because they're foils who parallel each other a lot. Zodd replaces Guts in the new Band of the Hawk, Zodd essentially lives Guts' "dream" of fighting stronger and stronger enemies and being the most powerful, Zodd has transformed his body into a weapon even more thoroughly than Guts has, Guts envisions himself as Zodd after killing Adonis, etc.

So yeah I think you're right that Zodd does kind of look like a more demon-y version of Guts, and I think that could be why, if it's not coincidence - he's sort of a dark mirror to Guts.

Thanks for sending your thoughts, and please don't worry about sounding stupid lol, discussion is always cool!

[betchi]

The future of Berserk is still undecided, but what are your thoughts on the possibility of Miura’s assistants continuing it? I personally wouldn’t mind them completing the arc as it’s nearly over anyway and they probably already knew how Miura was going to end it, but I’m a bit more sceptical about them finishing the manga itself and resolving all the plot points.

yeah i feel pretty much the same way i think. if they were to continue it whether just to finish the arc or to try and go further i would respect their decision and honestly i would probably read it just to see what they would do but at the same time i think we all know that there is no way to replicate the work that miura himself was putting out there

[belacedia-a]

continued: 

Haru was minding her own business, walking down the street when she felt a tug at her skirt. She turned around to not see anything initially, but another tug prompted her to angle her vision downwards. There, she saw the cutest child with tears in his eyes! Who is Haru Miura but a woman with a strong sense of maternal drive, instantly kneeling in front of the child with worry.

“Oh no, what’s wrong? Do you need help?” She gently wipes the tears away from his eyes and pats the top of his head as she glances around. Was there anyone around who could be this child’s parent? It didn’t seem that way. From the looks of him, he was obviously a foreigner, and there was a good chance he didn’t speak Japanese. Italian, perhaps?

Speaking of Italian, the first thing her brain associates with that is the Mafia... and for obvious reasons. ‘He’s not some secret love child of Dino’s is he?’ She scrutinizes the appearance of the child for a moment, but shakes her head. Can’t be. With the child being alone, the most obvious issue was either: The child was lost, or they somehow managed to escape a couple of kidnappers and ran to the closest adult.

Occam’s razor states that the simplest answer is the best answer, so lost child it is. “What is Haru to do with you? Probably the police station?” Looking the child over, she couldn’t help but pity the child who was doing his best to stay strong even in this trying time. Without any hesitation or awkwardness, she scooped the child up into her arms, just as she had with Lambo those many years ago.

She could easily shift her positioning so she could hold the child with one arm as she rummaged through her bag. Her movements spoke volumes of how she would look after the kids so they wouldn’t get into any trouble. “Candy?” She held out a piece of candy for the child. Candy, the tried and true method to stop tears.

❝ Nanny. ❞  Even as a child, Bel had been a boy of few words. He barely remembered what his own mother looked like, but he knew at the very least, he wouldn’t be able to pull a completely convincing act if he tried to pretend as if he were mistaking Haru for that woman they called his mother that he shared no love with. On the other hand, he could almost imagine Haru was his favorite Nanny of many nannies, all of whom had died of unfortunate circumstances. This particular Nanny had lasted the longest   &   was the closest thing Belphegor ever had to a real mother figure. Something about regressing to the body of his six-year-old self was somehow stirring buried memories, like sand at the bottom of a lake, despite the mind of his adult self staying intact throughout the transformation. He wasn’t sure if the tears unapologetically rolling down his cheeks were entirely fake anymore.

He buried his cherubic face into Haru’s long skirt, little hands fisting into the fabric, before breaking down sobbing over a wrenching pain he didn’t even know why he felt, his little chest squeezing   &   twisting into pretzels as he allowed the tears to fall without anything to hold them back. It felt like a dam had broken, he had never cried like this before, but somehow, it all felt too real to be only an act.  ❝ You love me… right? ❞  he wailed, voice muffled by Haru’s clothes but nonetheless clear enough to be understood,  ❝ You said you did. You said you’d hug and kiss me whenever mother doesn’t want to. ❞  It wasn’t a lie, though it surprised Belphegor that he suddenly remembered that in-the-moment declaration from a long twenty years ago.

❝ Mother... ❞  he sniffled, choking on the word,  ❝ She said she didn’t want me… that I’m useless! ❞  Belphegor’s mother had said very few things to her own children, but the cruel assertion that the second son was unneeded, an unpleasant surprise, a mistake, was one of the few words she did bother to impart to Second Prince Belphegor. He didn’t care, of course, his mother did not love him, so he simply did not love her in return… or so he had deluded himself into believing. Or maybe, the young, six-year-old prince had always been starved for a mother’s love, without realizing it, since it was something he never knew was possible in the first place.  /  @queenharumiura​

[doctorcanon]

The Final Days of Ryoko Shinonome (Modern AU Idea)

Just something that randomly came to me. A modern AU with the Older pilots in mind. It would take place in Okinawa during the closure of several Army Bases (that have reopened since) in 2007 when Bush was in office and leaving several Japanese and American servicemen who fought in the Middle East at the height of the conflict without any VA benefits, unable to join the Japanese Defense Force and many with debilitating injuries, specifically loss of eye sight. Will handle subjects such as: Terminal Illness, Narcissistic Parental abuse, PTSD, Infidelity and Death = like lots of discussion about death.

Ryoko Shinonome: A 35 year old civil engineer who has been diagnosed with metastatic brain cancer. Despite battling it for a number of years, she now has a very limited time to live. Suffering from cognitive impairment and Vascular Dementia, she needs constant round the clock care. Her adopted brother Ei moved in with her after her fiance Tetsuya suddenly called off the wedding shortly after her diagnosis. However, she often forgets and Ei has to break her heart all over again. On the days she’s aware of her condition, she’s started getting her affairs in order and is currently working with Renya Gouto to arrange her own funeral and cremation. 

Ei Sekigahara: Ryoko’s younger brother, though they aren’t related by blood. Her primary caretaker due to the fact that he’s recently been released from military service and doesn’t have a 9 to 5 job. The stress of Ryoko’s care and his own personal demons have really done a number on his mental health. He ends up having to hire a hospice nurse who encourages him to attend a support group for veterans. Can and will kill Tetsuya Ida on sight. 

Iori Fuyusaka: Ei Sekigahara’s girlfriend and Tsukasa Okino’s Younger sister, a beloved elementary school teacher and all around ray of sunshine. She and Ryoko didn’t really get along in the first place but the latter got violent with her during one of her episodes. She truly does want to help, but only seems to be making the situation worse. Something her mother Chihiro says she’s quite good at.

Keitaro Mirua: A Routine Care hospice nurse hired by Ei Sekigahara for Ryoko, also a former soldier. Honestly, the man is a goddamn saint; he’s sweet, kind and maybe even a little shy. He’s been through a lot after he was injured in the field. Now that he has control over his life, he wants to help others. He attends a support group for former combat veterans and encourages Ei to attend as well. Trying to find the perfect ring to propose to his girlfriend.

Takatoshi Hijiyama: Miura’s closest friend and Tsukasa Okino’s husband. Also attends the same support group. Really, really struggling to adjust to civilian life, even more so after realizing that his injuries are more severe than originally thought. He has, however, discovered a great love of cooking through his physical therapy and enjoys taking care of his often workaholic husband, sometimes too much if you ask Tsukasa.

Tsukasa Okino: Former coworker and friend of Ryoko Shinonome and very talented Biomedical Engineer. Tends to get really lost in his work and hasn’t heard from Ryoko in a long time and is shocked to hear that her condition is terminal. This puts a lot into perspective not just with his husband but with his family. He decides to reach out to his estranged sister Iori. Unfortunately, Iori wants to bring their mother into it.

Yuki Takamiya: A physical therapist who once treated Shinonome and became pretty close with her and Ei. Occasionally comes by to drop off meals and see how Sekigahara is doing. Sometimes she invites him to the kickboxing gym to get him out of the house, she thinks that the support group is a good idea. After all, therapy helped her a great deal after her husband passed away.

Shu Amiguchi: Met Yuki Takamiya while visiting Ryoko, his former coworker, at the hospital and hasn’t left her alone since. A fellow engineer, he’s much smarter than he lets on. He works pretty closely with Okino too. He was actually really close to Ryoko since she dated his brother Tetsuya. Ei doesn’t really like him, but his weekly visits make Ryoko happy so they don’t talk that much. He believes that Tetsuya broke up with her because of her condition and that was the last straw and he stopped speaking to him.

Natusno Minami: Miura’s girlfriend, Iori’s coworker and Yuki Takamiya’s little sister. The absolute life of the party and a joy to be around. She’s the reason Keitaro Miura is still alive. Knows Ei more through the kickboxing gym and hasn’t really made the connection that Keitaro’s newest patient is Ei’s sickly sister that he keeps mentioning. She and Miura have been dating for almost six years now and she’s really starting to wonder if they are ready to spend their lives together.

Tomi Kisaragi: The elementary music teacher at the same school as Natsuno and Iori and a voice teacher outside of those work hours. The sounding board for a lot of relationship issues despite the fact that she’s not that helpful. She and Tsukasa Okino are old friends from high school. She’s the one who convinced him to help Megumi get a job at Shikishima as an engineer. May or may not have a history with Tetsuya Ida. She doesn’t like to talk about it.

Nenji Ogata: Tomi’s Not-boyfriend and a supervisor at Shikishima’s sales branch is often used as a liaison with the R&D department. Since he was desperate to make a name for himself outside of his family name, Nenji has an...interesting past. After falling on some hard times, his father, a former executive of Shikishima, gave him a job. Needless to say, his department doesn’t like him and he takes on a lot of extra work and stresses himself out. A frequent visitor to the kickboxing gym so he knows Takamiya, Minami, Hijiyama and Sekigahara pretty well. 

Juro Kurabe: Once known as Juro Izumi. An old friend of Ei Sekigahara who suffered a TBI in the field and is basically a different person. Underwent cognitive therapy alongside several other patients including Ryoko Shinonome. He and Ryoko are close friends and he’s just devastated about her diagnosis. Another person who will assassinate Tetsuya Ida on sight. Works with Yuki Takamiya quite a bit but is having a lot of trouble with mobility. 

Megumi Yakushiji: She really looks perfect on the outside. She’s great at her job, a great cook and a near perfect caretaker to her husband Juro. However, appearances can be deceiving. The man she married and the man she’s taking care of are two different people. But her love for Juro might not be enough to get her through their hardest day, sometimes he doesn’t even remember her. There’s only one person who sees the cracks in her facade, not her best friend Tomi or her coworker Tsukasa but Tsukasa’s husband Takatoshi who keeps asking her for recipes. 

Renya Gouto: An Undertaker at Ashitaba City’s Death Services and Mortuary. He knew Ei and Ryoko in high school but now is making arrangements for Ryoko’s cremation and general funeral services. Out of everything he’s done, he’s never spoken to someone who wants to arrange their own funeral and is the only other person who knows that Ryoko is arranging her own funeral without Ei knowing. He’s a close friend of Dr. Morimura therefore he’s familiar with Iori and Tsukasa. That’s not a good thing.

Chihiro Morimura: Dr. Chihiro Morimura is a retired oncologist who is trying to repair her relationship with her kids Iori and Tsukasa. Unfortunately, she sucks at it. While she can help Iori with her situation with Ei and his sister, she and Tsukasa will probably never get along. Who would have thought that years of narcissistic abuse would affect their relationship?

Tetsuya Ida: Ryoko’s ex-fiancee. Broke up with Ryoko after she was diagnosed with brain cancer. Has no idea about her severe condition but wouldn’t be surprised. He still works at Shikishima but not in the engineering department. Refuses to talk about her and is quite aware that several people are out for his head. He doesn’t care.

Miwako Sawatari: A kindergarten teacher who’s a bit of a gossip but really does it out of love. She knows a little bit about everyone. She works at Iori and Natsuno’s school, is a close friend of Nenji, she’s one of Yuki’s patients, and volunteers at Ashitaba Death Services. What I’m saying is, she’s the only person who knows exactly what’s happening.

[queenharumiura]

He was a Prince, so he’d go to great lengths in order to win. For that exact reason, he felt no guilt when he paid an unexpected visit to the Bovino Family, borrowed one of their damaged Ten Year Bazookas, and proceeded to shoot himself in the foot. Twice, to be exact. When Bel looked in the mirror, he saw a face he had not seen in twenty years; the adorable, cherubic six-year-old features he once possessed, and he just knew, Haru would not be able to resist.

He pinned up his long bangs with bobby pins; after all, the iconic golden veil of hair associated with the Belphegor which Haru already knew too well would surely blow his cover. A set of perfectly shaped, pale silver eyes was revealed, which frankly, only made him look even cuter. With this firmly in mind, Belphegor set off to trick one Haru Miura into one willing kiss on the forehead. A win was a win, she doesn’t get to complain about that small technicality.

A young, six-year-old boy with burnished blonde hair and captivating silver eyes appeared before the brunette, tugging gently on her skirt with one hand to get her attention. He whimpered and sniffled, tearing up but clearly trying to stay strong… oh, Belphegor is making so many sacrifices. First, he reveals his eyes, and now his tears? When was the last time he cried? No matter, he's regressed to the body of his child self, he internally reassured himself that this does not count, no matter how much Haru might judge him later for it.

[Unprompted Ask]

Haru was minding her own business, walking down the street when she felt a tug at her skirt. She turned around to not see anything initially, but another tug prompted her to angle her vision downwards. There, she saw the cutest child with tears in his eyes! Who is Haru Miura but a woman with a strong sense of maternal drive, instantly kneeling in front of the child with worry. 

“Oh no, what’s wrong? Do you need help?” She gently wipes the tears away from his eyes and pats the top of his head as she glances around. Was there anyone around who could be this child’s parent? It didn’t seem that way. From the looks of him, he was obviously a foreigner, and there was a good chance he didn’t speak Japanese. Italian, perhaps? 

Speaking of Italian, the first thing her brain associates with that is the Mafia... and for obvious reasons. ‘He’s not some secret love child of Dino’s is he?’  She scrutinizes the appearance of the child for a moment, but shakes her head. Can’t be. With the child being alone, the most obvious issue was either: The child was lost, or they somehow managed to escape a couple of kidnappers and ran to the closest adult. 

Occam’s razor states that the simplest answer is the best answer, so lost child it is. “What is Haru to do with you? Probably the police station?” Looking the child over, she couldn’t help but pity the child who was doing his best to stay strong even in this trying time. Without any hesitation or awkwardness, she scooped the child up into her arms, just as she had with Lambo those many years ago. 

She could easily shift her positioning so she could hold the child with one arm as she rummaged through her bag. Her movements spoke volumes of how she would look after the kids so they wouldn’t get into any trouble. “Candy?” She held out a piece of candy for the child. Candy, the tried and true method to stop tears. 

[recentanimenews]

Sympathy for the Devilman: The Legacy of Go Nagai's Magnum Opus

I've always had a thing for villains. Unlike my brothers, as a kid I'd always choose the "bad guy" action figures. If they went for the ninja turtle Leonardo, then I'd go for the uber-buff Super Shredder. I personally identified with villainy because of how it connected to the idea of "evil." I personally see evil as a generalized concept that expresses antagonism toward violent and dominant societal structures. Due to a coercive religious upbringing, I now see how my younger self unconsciously found ideologically-oppositional comfort in "evil" art. This eventually led me to one of my most cherished pieces of fiction: Devilman.

Devilman has left an indelible mark on manga and anime creators over the last few decades, inspiring major industry heavyweights such as Hideaki Anno, Kentaro Miura, and Kazuki Nakashima. The series was created by Go Nagai, a manga auteur also responsible for Mazinger Z, Cutie Honey, and Violence Jack (which is a Devilman sequel). Although Devilman retains much of the explicitness native to Go Nagai's usual fare, it uses these graphic elements uniquely to deliver a haunting, unforgettable, and compassionate message.

Let's explore the surprisingly relevant political and social significance of Devilman, along with a few of its animated offshoots. Read on but be forewarned, this article contains major spoilers!

  Devilman (original manga, 1972) 

via Seven Seas Entertainment

  The Devilman manga is a dark antiwar narrative in deep contrast to the standard monster-of-the-day, "evil fights evil" set-up of the anime (which ran at the same time as the manga). Ryo Asuka — who turns out to be Satan, the leader of all demons — helps convince the world that anyone dissatisfied with the status quo could turn into a demon and needs to be killed. Every nation starts a war with each other, and Japan creates the "Demon Busters" to murder anyone suspected of being a demon. This plot twist is the most explicitly political angle in Devilman and a clear critique against the genocide of marginalized peoples. One page features a taste of the global hate brewing around the world: a collective white desire to murder Black communities, the renewal of German anti-Semitism, and hatred for any protestor. There are also many moments that display the horrors of historical genocide when Akira and Ryo travel through time.

Devilman builds additional nuance around this theme with Ryo's character. In the manga's final scene, Ryo describes how demons were once oppressed by God, and that they in turn preyed upon humans in the same way that God preyed upon demons. Ryo recognizes that he continued the same cycle of genocidal hate and marginalization he once suffered. This is a striking moment that functions as a cautionary warning against abusing imbalanced power dynamics, and how even once marginalized groups are still capable of enacting horrors against those with less power. 

via Seven Seas Entertainment

  Ryo's character also made a groundbreaking stride in the representation of marginalized gender and sexual identities. His true form as Satan is easy to interpret as trans, possessing emotional, mental, and physical traits that defy the standard gender binary. The manga also makes it clear that Ryo considers Akira more than a friend, and is actually in love with him. Amazingly, Go Nagai does not use Ryo's trans-coded self or his queer love for Akira as fodder for insulting or disrespectful commentary from other characters. Ryo's gender-variant form is certainly mentioned, but it's never negatively framed or conflated with his murderous attitude toward humanity. Additionally, the manga never suggests Ryo is evil because of his romantic feelings for Akira (a simple, yet important distinction). It feels all the more impressive when you remember that this was made in 1972. Devilman's subversive portrayal of non-normative gender and sexual identity could still be considered groundbreaking even by today's standards.

Devilman OVAs

  The first OVA, The Birth, covers Ryo and Akira's discovery of demon existence, with a very brutal early sequence that shows the bloody survival-of-the-fittest origins of life on Earth (which beautifully expands upon and mirrors the same sequence from the manga). It concludes with a gore-soaked finale where we see Akira's fateful transformation into Devilman. The sequence is filled with face stabs, top-notch body horror, and decapitations galore as Devilman rips apart demon after demon in a nightclub setting.

  The second OVA, The Demon Bird, had the same crew that worked on the first OVA and contains a very similar feel. This OVA is more action-oriented than the first since it doesn't spend time on the build-up and exposition leading to Devilman's initial appearance. The animation and art design is probably even better than the first episode, which is most notable during the fight with Sirene. On a side note, the Manga Entertainment dubs for these first two OVAs are absolutely essential if you're seeking a fun evening with fellow anime nerds with a decent sense of humor. Their typically sleazy dubs — where Manga Entertainment excessively hyped up the seedier, more "adult" side of anime in order to market their products as wildly different from cartoons for kids — contain an assortment of unnecessary profanity and generally crude dialogue compared to the Japanese source material, to great comedic effect.

The third OVA, Amon: The Apocalypse of Devilman, is based on Amon: The Darkside of Devilman manga, an alternate-universe offshoot by Yu Kinutani. This OVA contains a reworked version of the end of Devilman and has a much darker edge compared to the first two OVAs. This entry in the series has an ugly, grim quality to it – such as the horrific depiction of Miki and her brother getting slaughtered by an angry mob — that initially felt off-putting to me. I started to enjoy it more on subsequent viewings however, when I remembered that, well, the entire Devilman mythos is pretty damned bleak in general. I think the desolate mood would have been more bearable had Akira felt like the compassionate, tragic hero of the manga.

Actually, overall I'd say that Akira's portrayal is one of my biggest complaints about these OVAs. He displays a cold lack of care for human life — like in the Demon Bird when he unconcernedly tears through an airplane while fighting Sirene and allows its passengers to presumably plummet to their deaths — that for me, offsets one of the biggest strengths of Devilman's core: that although Akira has the body of a demon, he never loses the tender heart of a human. With that in mind, let's explore Devilman Crybaby. 

  Devilman Crybaby

Devilman Crybaby is my favorite animated incarnation of Devilman, period. I might be in the minority with that opinion, but I think there's a lot to love. Masaaki Yuasa is already one of my favorite recent anime directors — Kaiba, Mind Game, and Lu Over the Wall are highlights  — so it's no surprise I'd be head over heels for his take on a classic Go Nagai story.

Yuasa impressively shifts the '70s setting of the original into modern-day Japan: The group of surly highschoolers from the manga are replaced with rappers and smartphones are everywhere. In the hands of a lesser writer, a modern setting would be no more than a cosmetic, surface-level change of scenery to an already-written narrative. In contrast, Yuasa avoids this trap by using the modern setting to make incisive social commentary relevant to our times: social media is the means for both horrendous and beautiful moments in the show. It leads to Miki's murder when she posts on Instagram to defend Akira, but also serves as the online catalyst that unites Devilmen across the globe (in contrast to the original manga, where a set of demon-possessed psychic monks unite the Devilmen). Yuasa explained this in a 2018 Japan Times article:

"Today's situation is a lot closer to 'Devilman' than it was when Nagai wrote it in the '70s," he says. "The popularity of social media means people are a lot more connected, for good and bad – like someone getting shot over a video game. We learn about unarmed black people being killed by police, people being tortured and the rise of nationalism in politics. In Japan, too, where a lot of problems are openly blamed on foreigners.

"But it can also help spread good that we wouldn't otherwise know about. We see people coming out as gay or trans on social media, and there's a greater opening up and acceptance of different opinions and lifestyles."

  Another beautiful aspect of the show is how Yuasa amplifies the queer elements present in the manga. Ryo and Akira's relationship feels even more loaded with romantic undertones, and Yuasa also introduces two queer characters unseen in the original manga. One of the characters is named Miki Kuroda, initially portrayed as a jealous antagonistic foil to the Miki we all know and love. Miki Kuroda changes as the episodes progress and she becomes a Devilman, and we eventually see her sacrifice herself in an attempt to save Miki Makimura, who she confesses her love to before dying. It's refreshing to see a queer woman represented in a story that previously had none, and incorporated in a way that feels organic and thoughtfully integrated within the larger narrative.

  In contrast to the Akira of the OVAs, I absolutely adore this incarnation. Yuasa did a stellar job showing not only Akira's horny goth-jock side but also his compassionate traits. As the name implies, there's a lot of crying in Devilman Crybaby, and Akira is responsible for at least half the tears throughout the brief 10-episode series. Akira evokes such intense compassion and cares for people around him, which is a noticeable deviation from his cold demeanor in the OVAs. The human heart at the core of Devilman is on full display here, taking the emotional elements from the original and turning the volume up to 11. Though the art style and setting might be drastically different from what you'd typically expect of a Devilman remake, Yuasa did a masterful job honoring the source material while injecting it with fresh life and even fresher modern resonance. 

What other aspects of Devilman  — or its many incarnations  — did you find important or interesting? Let me know in the comments below!

Do you love anime? Do you love writing? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[staytheb]

How Are You Feeling?

Pairing: SKZ’s Chan x OC [Kierra] Genre: idol!au, slice of life, slight fluff Word Count: 1,270 Summary: Chris stops by to check up on Kierra to see how she's doing since his calls went straight to her voicemail.

the masterlist for Chris x Kierra

Warning: none, really, i think, lol

hihi. so i'm back with another ficcy and ofc it's with Bang Chan again from SKZ, sorry not sorry lol anyways, even though i haven't really been in the mood to write, but luckily to help with my own mental health and getting inspired when i can, Bang Chan honestly really does help me out with that and if it goes well for my own well-being i'm going to use it to heal myself. also the songs that helped with getting this story out was LC9's cover of SPICA's Anger, their own song of East of Eden, as well as Miura Haruma's Night Diver and Fight For Your Heart, and may he R.I.P TvT, and then later listening to Eric Chou's What's Wrong that sealed the deal. listening to sad songs does make me sad, but it also aids me to heal at the same time as well. anyways, that's about it and i hope y'all enjoy this now that i've grown fond of Kierra x Chris, too lol,  but i really hope that Bang Chan and all idols get the love and respect that they deserve and hope that people would just back off tbh and just let them live without having to constantly be up in their business. so happy reading kthxbai, Admin Lia~

Kierra was asleep when she felt someone gently touching her face in a light stroking sort of effect. She opened her left eye first and noticed that it was partially dark out saved for the light coming from a distance before opening the other when she saw that it was her boyfriend who had swept her dark plum colored hair from out of her face.

"Hi." Chris greeted her with a soft voice as he continued to stroke her cheek with his thumb in a comforting manner. "How are you feeling?"

Kierra still lied upon the sofa processing her well-being at the moment. She noticed that the television was off and assumed that Chris must have turned it off when he came in as she had it on earlier before unexpectedly falling asleep afterwards. She rubbed her face to rid of the sleep and tiredness. Kierra also wasn't sure how to respond to her boyfriend, but replied in an honest way with a small smile.

"Melancholy, but okay, I guess. Hi, to you, too."

She sat up from the sofa to make room for Chris as he joined his girlfriend and casually pulled her towards him for a very warm hug. Kierra leaned further into him as she appreciated the comfort with a deep sigh. Kierra wondered how long she's been asleep since watching music videos on the TV after being in one of those moods of hers earlier before Chris showed up. She also wondered if Linna was home since she usually woke her up to eat or talk about their days together.

"What's the time?" Kierra asked, but couldn't see the time due to the lack of light on the wall and her phone was lost for the time being.

"It's a little after midnight."

"Oh, wow, I slept for that long? Wow."

Kierra didn't think she had slept for that long and thought she only took like an hour or two nap. She then eyed her boyfriend.

"Why are you here though? If you keep making this a habit of entering my home whenever you like, then I might have to reconsider telling Linna the pass-code from here on out."

Chris chuckled.

"I'm pretty sure Linna lives here, too, and definitely needs the pass-code to enter her own home. Besides, I tried calling you earlier, but it kept sending me to voicemail. Also, I wouldn't have to physically come over if someone just picked up my calls, but I know you love it when I visit."

"Right, but that makes sense. I guess the battery probably ran out as I haven't charged it since I got back from work and I haven't let the battery run out for a few days, too."

Chris rolled his eyes, but a small smile graced his lips.

"Anyways, Linna ate dinner earlier with us and then hung out with Hyunjin afterwards while venting about her day to him as well. She's now fast asleep in her room, too. Linna also messaged me earlier about your well-being and why I stopped over when I had free time." Chris informed her as Kierra looked up at him.

"She told you all of that, too?"

"Yeah."

Chris looked down at his girlfriend with a soft gaze and placed a gentle kiss on top of her head. Kierra's sheepishly smiled upon receiving the affection, but appreciated the gesture as well as his consideration.

"Thanks for caring for her, too."

"You're welcome and I know you would do the same for the rest of the boys, too."

"Yeah, that's pretty much true."

"Anyways, Linna didn't want to bother you since she knew you were kinda grieving in your own way about one of your favorite Japanese actors passing away several days ago. I think that's why she told me and knew I would comfort you better."

"Ah, yeah that's true. I wanted to not let it phase me and it went well up until a few days ago." Kierra sighed deeply. "So now I'm just letting all of it hit me so I'll be able to move on smoothly while healing at the same time."

She then motioned with her chin towards the TV.

"That's why I was watching music videos of disbanded groups I liked and listening to other songs to help me out."

Kierra then changed the topic not wanting to talk about herself.

"How about you? How are you feeling? Are you doing okay?"

Chris laid his head on top of hers while cuddling her closer.

"I'm doing alright. I'm holding on and living life. I'm quite content and going with the flow."

Kierra couldn't help, but tease her boyfriend as her mood had brightened upon hearing his words.

"Well, I would hope so since STAYs be dropping more pickup lines on you, asking you about period advice, and all that fun stuff you do during your Chan's Room and video calls. Even though despite some not so nice comments saying things without thinking or neglecting the fact about some information concerning you, too."

Chris groaned and Kierra chuckled while pulling herself away only to cup her boyfriend's face and squished them affectionately a moment later.

"Aww, is my Fun-Sized Baby Boy in need of one of those special Honey-Caramel-Vanilla-Chocolate-Sugar-Warm-Fuzzy-and-Cuddly hugs that he always gives me or should I go and make some rice balls because I can't for the life of me bake as good as Felix can, hmm?"

Chris chuckled at the way his girlfriend would cheer him up when she was in this cute and fun mode of hers that she would call it and reached out his arms to wrap them tightly around Kierra and pulled her in for a cuddly hug.

"You really are the best." He muttered against her ear as Kierra laughed while returning the hug.

"I learned from the best, so I think that makes you the best one the most."

"We're best together."

Kierra laughed in response before pulling her head away so she could look at Chris expectantly.

"So now that you're in a good mood, too, did you bring your laptop so I could get the song files finally?"

Chris rolled his eyes with a laughing scoff.

"I feel like you're only dating me for my laptop and songs."

"Well, I mean the laptop is a plus and the music is always a definite bonus, but if I remember correctly that it was you who wanted to pursue the next level of our relationship."

"I'm pretty sure it was a mutual agreement to move onto the next stage."

"Yeah, sure. Let's go with that."

Kierra changed the topic.

"Besides, didn't you tell STAYs that you needed to get a new laptop, anyways? Why not give me your old one and you can buy another one to fill up with even more amazing stuff? Yeah?"

Chris didn't respond as he pulled his girlfriend back into a firm hug as he squeezed her lovingly closer and tighter. Kierra slightly whined knowing how her boyfriend gets when he's like this.

"Hey, don't distract me like you always do. One of these days you're gonna have to give me those files like you said you would."

Chris only laughed softly in response as he comfortably nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck with a dimpled smile. Kierra sighed deeply and just let her boyfriend have his moment. She knew that she wasn't going to get them within their current state, but nevertheless felt safe and secure with her mind and heart at ease knowing that the both of them were content in the moment.

[ffxivcrystalcrusader-blog]

Tea Time: With Special Guest - Evie Miura

When a super special box of tea was delivered to us we did the polite thing and invited all of you to share with us. Don’t ever say Daddy never got you anything now darlings.

This darlings, is Evie’s phone number! You’re probably wondering where we got this: at the behest of one of Evie’s older friends. (By which we mean one of the many multitudes of people he seems to have pissed off.)

We were there to witness an hour-long phonecall with Evie along with a few other members of the Crystal Crusaders team. How exiting we thought! It was such a dull conversation however. Nothing really came of it. How sad! Fear not my darlings. Evie is always here to give us something to watch! For not days later they decided to call and tell nasty horrible lies about how they were forced to stay on the phone for a whole hour against their will...

LITERALLY AFTER SAVING SAID PERSON AS A CONTACT.

But CC wouldn’t most people have blocked a number they thought was threatening rather than perpetuating the issue further?

Why yes darlings you are absolutely right you know. Most sane people would do precisely that! But how brave and noble of our hero to stand up against the big mean people telling everybody exactly how much of a terrible person they are! Justice shall prevail O true and fearless knight!

CC isn’t this considered doxxing?

Darlings please who do you think we are? We have policies and standards here at CrystalCrusaders. We wouldn’t release someone’s personal information by illegal means!

Which is why we used public access records. Yes you too can get information on many a person simply by knowing a name! (A name that we got as a present from one of the several dozens of people Evie upset came forward with.) We of course will not toss out the ENTIRE name. That would be rude. Still legal mind you as we found it on a public information website. But rude. And if there is one thing to know about us darlings it is that plenty of us are snide assholes but not a one of us has forgotten their manners!

Don’t look the gift chocobo in the mouth though darlings. We won’t be tossing the baby out with the bathwater. That’s as much as we’re giving you yes? Daddy can’t be spoiling you all now.

Ah and since you’re not taking any messages on your original account Evie (on what we can only assume is you getting a slew of messages from people you’ve pissed off) please feel free to contact me as you like darling! Mommy always has a special place for her big shiny star no?

But you imply that we’re going to do anything in-game! That’s so classless. We would never! We’re insulted you think so little of us to think we’d stoop to your level of harassment. At least if you blocked us in game we’d have the decency not to make alts to get around the blacklist hm?

We eagerly await the 400IQ big brain super cunning plan that Evie is crafting for each and every one of us! How exciting! Or disappointing. Time shall tell darlings.

By the way the upwards of three people you threatened to do this to tell us they’re still waiting on their information to be released! What’s that all about? :C Don’t tell me you’ve gotten cold feet now. It’s been almost a month! What’s taking so long? It only took us a few days to find you! Have you been busy? 

It’s okay darling. They said they’d wait for you. :) 

[domesticangel]

ok ok a 68 plymouth gtx for ris is perfection but what do u think the rest of the squadra has? i really wanna say one of them has a studebaker somehow but i just dont know (ignore it was a us based company i love them anyways shhhh)

god. this is the best ask i couldve ever gotten. buckle up. ha ha. bc cars. and also bc I’m not gonna shut the fuck up

but YEAH NO SAME i also chose to foolishly disregard that italians wouldnt likely drive american cars (or necessarily drive at all…america is mad obsessed with cars compared to a lot of other countries so sdkfhsdkj) bc its all fun and games so ik a lot of this would be unrealistic but I’m american so i really only know about american cars/cars that are popular in america dskjfsdkjf so sorry for America-Centrism On Main but if any italians or ppl w knowledge of italian cars wanna chime in w their own takes, by all means!!!

oh and this post also foolishly assumes la sqaudra has money. lets pretend for just this post they all actually got paid for their jobs

SO WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY warning this is gonna make this post rly long but I’m gonna ad pics of the cars i think they’d all drive like. in case anyone reading wants to know what they look like but doesn’t wanna look em all up so I’m gonna throw this under a cut in case it gets crazy

ok i can 1000% see sorbet and gelato sharing a like studebaker speedster that they would take out cruising for special occasions….it would spend most of its time under a tarp locked in a garage bc if you touch that car without permission you WILL die by their loving intertwined hands. some couples have babies. some couples get dogs. sorbet and gelato got a studebaker speedster and treated it with almost as much love as they do each other. one might think their driving would match the “crazy” impression everyone has of them but honestly? they prefer to take it slow and cruise so they have more time to enjoy each others company. on the job they’ll wreck a rental all to hell, but not their baby. the rest of squadra would low key fear for their lives on the rare occasion that sorbet and gelato offered them rides in their car bc the inside is spotless and they all knew if they left anything out of place or dirtier than they found it their time was up

i think they’d dig a color scheme something like this; still looks mob and sophisticated without losing the whimsicality u feel me

i really like a classic chevelle ss or ‘67 mustang gt500 for formaggio

(ignore how fuckin shiney these are bc make no mistake his would be scratched and worn all to hell)

in line w my headcanon that he’d be knowledgable about cars, i think he’d like supe them up and mod them for street racing or 1960s style drag racing. since we don’t get a lot of individual sqaudra backstory i sometimes think about him maybe losing his parents at a young age or having a bad home life as is typical of passione members and getting taken in by a local mechanic, and only as he got older realizing the shop had mafia ties which eventually paved the way for his induction etc but the knowledge and interest in cars always stuck with him. i think he’d probably drive the most recklessly out of all of squadra (rivaled only by ghiaccio ofc) bc he just loves to go fast as fuck and show off. he’s definitely a revs-the-engine-when-he-drives-by-someone-cute ass bitch

illuso would drive a ‘71 dodge demon, and honestly only because he liked the name and how it looked

it would honestly drive formaggio insane that illuso would ONLY use this car to get around as opposed to flying down the countryside or doing burnouts in a field. illuso doesn’t know much about cars and he doesn’t care to learn either; if it looks good and the engine turns he’s happy. formaggio would BEG him to race him or let him take it for a spin, but illuso would be adamant in turning him down every time. he has no desire to take risks and tear up a perfectly good car, but if he feels especially generous he’ll let formaggio ride with him while formaggio excitedly rattles off specs illuso doesn’t understand in the slightest. he won’t readily admit to it but seeing formaggio that excited is really endearing and illuso would even end up learning something here and there from their time spent together

ghiaccio is anal enough about All Things Italian that he breaks my disclaimer and actually does drive an italian car. y'all already know what the fuck is going on

hell yeah ghiaccio drives a lambo. ‘71 lamborghini miura to be exact. and boy does he make this motherfucker screech and drift. as much as he seems to abuse the car he’s extremely uptight about upkeep and will take it in as often as needed for repairs. you can also bet your ass he’d berate any of his fellow squadra members that didn’t drive italian-made cars, asking them why they’d choose to drive that trash on wheels when their country is home to the best cars in the entire fucking world and they have their pick. being in the passenger seat with him at the wheel is terrifying, don’t get me wrong, but he’s actually a very skilled driver, like to the point that he probably couldve been a stunt car driver if he wanted. but whatever you do don’t show any adverse reactions to his hard turns or brakes bc he will take it as a personal insult to his skill as a driver and you will find that the louder his voice gets the heavier his foot gets on the gas so Good Fucking Luck. (also yes ik we already see ghiaccio driving a car in canon but its headcanon time and during headcanon time ghiaccio rocks the fucking lambo)

prosciutto would drive a big beautiful blue ‘65 thunderbird convertible

he would also be very particular about the upkeep of his car, but without any sort of personal touch; he hasn’t the time nor desire to keep up with the car himself so he just makes sure he takes it to a reputable shop to do it for him. it’s not his “baby” or an heirloom; its just a car. it runs and looks good as all fuck while doing it so thats all he really cares about tbh. that said, if anyone ever scratched or keyed or dented it they wouldn’t live long to regret bc as a wise man once said, you don’t fuck with a mans automobile. i mentioned this in the my squadra meme as well, but even though he smokes like a chimney, he NEVER smokes in his car. no smoking, eating, or drinking in the thunderbird. sealed packs of cigs in the console only and if the seals been broken it has to stay in your pocket. the upholstery is pristine and he prefers to keep it that way. he’s a very mild mannered driver and even often errs on the side of slow; he doesn’t really see the point in wasting gas by speeding or messing up the tires or alignment by showboating. he knows that he AND the car already look good enough to command bystanders’ attention so he doesn’t waste his time with any extra flashiness

ima keep it real with you chief: melone would drive a car you could fuck in the back of and thats about all there is to it, so look no further than the spacious ‘61 chrysler newport

he would somehow figure out a way to get an aux cord and a sound system in this old motherfucker and would listen to his music so loud it about rattled the doors off, much to any passengers’ chagrin. he’s almost worse to ride with than formaggio or ghiaccio because he texts and messes with the music the entire time he’s driving. like its almost impressive how often he manages to NOT have his hands on the wheel. he’s a master knee-driver. all that in mind the rest of squadra groans in unison when melone offers to drive and risotto, who doesn’t have time for a squabble, gives the ok and send them on their way bc they know they’re gonna have to deal with melone insisting that driver picks the music and white knuckling the handles the whole time. but regardless, if the chrysler’s rockin and the britney’s boppin, don’t come a-knockin

since i see pesci as the youngest i think he’d be the last to get a car, but the rest of squadra would surprise him by all pitching in and getting him a ‘69 buick sport wagon

it’d definitely be a fixer-upper (prosciutto insisted it’d be good for pesci to retroactively “earn” the car by learning how to take care of it, prompting the rest of squadra to point out prosciutto never even learned how to fix a car himself) but pesci would be out of his mind appreciative of it either way. after years of only ever riding in the back seat of someone else’s car he’d be so excited about finally having a car to call his own. formaggio would take him under his wing and show him everything he needed to do to make sure she stayed running in tip-top shape and they’d grow pretty close over it; formaggio would lose his damn mind the first time he’d convince pesci to do a burnout on his own. pesci would try his best to keep the car clean but he’d probably have a bad habit of leaving empty drink bottles in the floorboard or extra jackets in the back seat, but all in all he’d do a pretty good job taking care of the car and making the generous gift from his team worth it. most non-work related outings would have pesci chauffeuring, but he wouldn’t mind, bc seeing all his friends crammed into his car and having a good time would make him really happy

and last but not least risotto and his ‘68 plymouth gtx 🖤

perhaps surprisingly he wouldnt be excessively meticulous about upkeep; he definitely wouldnt do anything needlessly reckless to harm the car or neglectful of standard upkeep, but he would definitely see it as more of a personal part of him than a machine that needed to maintain perfection. he wouldn’t really sweat scratches or dents here and there; they’re bound to happen to a car that old and if he found the time he’d take it to get it buffed. like i said in the hc meme i think it would’ve belonged to his father (or any family member he was close to really) and it was passed onto him when he died so it’s kind of a sentimental thing for risotto. though not quite the same level as formaggio, he’s fairly good at making standard repairs on his own, and doesn’t mind spending a weekend or two up under the car fixing it up and making sure it runs smooth. the rest of squadra would each be surprised the first time they ever rode anywhere with him; the second the car started old classic rock or metal would blast through the speakers, with risotto mumbling a quick sorry and turning it down, but not all the way off. they would find out that their stoic leader prefers to drive with the windows down, one hand on the wheel, other out the window tapping to the beat of the music on the hood

aaaaaaaaand YEAH. i told you i wasn’t gonna shut the fuck up DSFHKJADHKSDJ LMAO SORRY I WENT TF OFF BUT YEAH THOSE ARE MY. SQUADRA CLASSIC CAR HCs

[storytellingfae]

The Exiles - Heart In Thirds

Working at Queen Caffeine had become almost therapeutic for Darius. Even on slow days, there was always plenty to do, as the café was so understaffed it was basically only him and Lawrence working most days. Still, it never seemed stressful, as the place had a natural chill atmosphere. Nice, muted colors in its décor, wallpaper, and wooden floors, with comfortable seating. People had options between cozy booths, simple small tables, or even a few beanbag chairs. He enjoyed knowing that in a way, he was helping others relax early in the morning, even if it was something as simple as serving them drinks or remembering a regular’s name. Outside, socializing didn’t come easily to him. But working here, seeing familiar faces every day, with the occasional new one, it felt easier. Greetings and small talk came more naturally to him. In-between filling drink orders and cleaning tables, he’d gotten to know a few townies he otherwise never would have spoken to. “Yes, Ms. Sherry, I have grown since you saw me last week!” “Sade, how’d you do on your finals?” “Gia, you didn’t pull another all-nighter, did you?” The patrons came and went, though most usually felt more than welcome to linger, if they bought something. It was this homey environment that made working here so much different from an average job to him. And as embarrassing as it was to admit, maybe there was one other reason he didn’t mind there not being many other employees around. As Darius returned to the counter from fulfilling another order, he couldn’t help his eyes drifting towards his co-worker, washing dishes in the back. Darius wouldn’t have ever mustered the courage to talk to Lawrence himself, if Caleb hadn’t introduced them to each other. Leave it to his brother to casually befriend someone Darius could barely look at without getting all flustered. His carelessly messy brown hair, the way he radiated confidence, the way his muscles filled out the uniform’s shirt... Darius caught his face warming up and was about to look away, to focus on anything or anyone else, when Lawrence’s eyes met his. Shock and embarrassment froze him in his spot, as Lawrence smiled up at him. Lawrence dried his hands and approached the counter as Darius felt his mouth dry. He was all too aware of Lawrence’s lips moving, but he couldn’t process the sounds coming out of them. He was too focused on forcing his blood away from his cheeks. “D? You hear me?” Lawrence asked, a bit of amusement in his tone. “I, um, no,” Darius stammered. “C-could you repeat that?” “I asked if you wanted to come to a block party this weekend,” he said. A smirk crossed his face as he saw Darius’s taken aback expression. “It’ll just be a small thing, nothin’ too big, nothin’ to get intimidated by. I’ll look out for you. Caleb’ll probably be there too.” ‘I’ll look out for you.’ Darius had never known five words could make him melt so fast. “Yes,” his mouth said before his brain could stop it. “Y-yeah, I’d like that. Sounds like fun.” Forget that just the thought of partying with complete strangers gave him anxiety, this could be his chance for… For what? He couldn’t honestly think anything would stem from this, could he? Not when Lawrence had… “Ay, Kiki!” Lawrence’s voice brought him out of his thoughts, as Darius noticed him looking past him towards the café’s entrance. The bell chimed, and in walked a young woman with a commanding presence. Long black hair fell like silk over her shoulders, her ruby red lips stood out against her beige skin. She wore a black jacket over her shoulders like a cape, and a black bodycon dress that threatened to take Darius’s breath away as he forced his eyes to stare at the floor instead. She lifted the sunglasses from her dark brown eyes, and it was like a hush had fallen over the café, because all he could hear was the click-clacking of her heels against the hardwood floor. Kikyo Miura. From one of the richest families in Concordia, if not the richest. Kikyo Miura. Practically a legend among the young socialites around town. She smiled, flashing flawlessly white teeth, as she leaned over the counter. “Lawrence,” she greeted in a tone that sent shivers down Darius’s spine. Lawrence didn’t flinch, just smirked as he tucked a strand of her hair out of her face. Darius closed his eyes just in time to avoid seeing them kiss. His jaw tightened, as he hugged himself to stop from shaking. Kikyo Miura. Lawrence Vendez’s girlfriend. Darius felt so stupid. Idiotic. Why did he keep getting his hopes up like this? He didn’t bother excusing himself, just walked away to pretend like he was going to check on a customer. When it was clear no one needed his assistance, he went in the back and started cleaning, avoiding Lawrence’s eyes for the rest of his shift. At the end of the day, he waited outside the shop, looking for a car that wasn’t coming. He called Caleb’s phone. No reply. “D,” Darius started at the sound of Lawrence’s voice, but he didn’t dare glance back at him. “Me and Kiki were just leaving, we can take you...” “I’m fine,” Darius’s voice cracked in a way that was decidedly not fine. Before either of them could say anything more, Darius started walking away, as fast as he could without it turning into a run. Looked like he was walking all the way home. Again. Idiot. By the time he made it back, his legs were sore, it was getting dark, and Caleb still wasn’t home. He unlocked the door to their apartment and considered not even bothering turning the lights on, but why suffer in the dark? The apartment was messier than he’d remembered when they left that morning. There wasn’t much to look at to begin with, so it made every little thing that was out of place stand out more. It was for the best; cleaning helped him think. He started in the kitchen, the monotone colors on the counters and linoleum floor matched his mood as he got to work washing the dishes and heating up leftovers for dinner. He moved on to the living room, making sure that the bookshelf was arranged in alphabetical order by author, the television was dusted, and the couch was vacuumed of any and all food crumbs. What next? He already knew his room was the cleanest in the apartment, but he also knew Caleb would know, and promptly flip out, if he so much as touched anything in his room. Same with their respective bathrooms. Darius sighed, and slumped down onto the couch. He needed something to keep himself busy. Something to keep him from thinking about… He already felt the tears coming on. He’d known about Lawrence’s relationship with Kikyo, so why was he still acting so disappointed? Probably because it was the first time that he’d felt so strongly towards someone since Tye. The moment the name entered his thoughts, he winced. He pushed it away. He resigned himself to turning on his laptop, booting up the game he’d been trying to beat for weeks, and losing himself in the moment as the minutes ticked by. He ignored the sound of his phone’s insistent ringing, no matter how many times it went off. Eventually, the front door opened, startling Darius as he was taken out of his zone. Caleb walked in. As he closed the door behind him, his eyes met Darius’s, and they lit up with anger. “Why haven’t you been answering me?” he asked. “I’ve been trying to call you for an hour! LV told me you walked home by yourself. You know how worried I was?” Darius knew the question was obviously rhetorical, so he didn’t bother answering it. Though, he did open his mouth to defend himself. “I’m not a kid. I know my way home.” “That’s not my point! Why didn’t you just ride with him? I would’ve thought you’d jump at the opportunity to spend a car ride getting all giggly around LV.” Darius moved his laptop beside him on the couch and curled his knees up against his chin. He stared ahead and couldn’t help the pathetic pout on his lips. He didn’t spare a glance at Caleb as his brother sighed and sat down next to him. “I know that look. What happened?” Caleb asked. “Kikyo,” Darius mumbled. “Oh,” he paused. “I’m sorry, D. You never had a problem with Kiki before.” “It’s not her,” he said, quickly. “Well, it is. But, not for the reason you think. I don’t mind that her and Lawrence are together, that’s their business. I hate that I…” “…That you have feelings for him too?” “That I think I might…have feelings for…both of them?” Darius screwed his eyes shut as he waited for a response from Caleb. His anxiety grew the longer the silence between them stretched. “Why don’t you tell them?” Caleb finally said. Darius’s eyes opened wide with shock. “I can’t just-! That would be-!” he sputtered as he blushed. “H-how would I even go about that? What would I say?” “’Want a threes-“ “I’m not saying that.” Caleb chuckled. “Okay, fine.” “I’m being serious!” Darius said, as he glared over at his twin. “I know you are,” he said, a more thoughtful tone in his voice. “And so am I. You know LV. Just explain how you feel, and at worst, he says no and you share a brief awkward moment where you just confessed to wanting a poly relationship between you, him and his girlfriend.” “Worst case scenario he’s disgusted and offended, and thinks I’m a pervert, and never wants to talk to me again, and-“ Darius groaned, frustration and sadness in his eyes as he sulked. “Trust me, LV wouldn’t do that. He likes you! And if I’m reading the signs correctly, and I always do, he has it bad for you too. Maybe he’d be more open to becoming a trio than you think.” Darius found himself blushing again. He looked down at his phone for the first time. There were missed calls from Caleb, yes, but also a few from Lawrence. He had been worried about him. Of course, after Darius had a complete mood change at the café, how couldn’t he have been? Just the thought of talking to him again after that embarrassing display made Darius’s stomach turn with fear. He looked over at Caleb, who just nodded back at him. Darius took a deep breath, held it, let it out, and pressed call. It didn’t take long before he picked up. “D? What’s up with you?” Darius had never heard such concern in Lawrence’s voice before. It made it hard to breathe. In an oddly good way. “Hey, Lawrence.” He had no idea where to go from here, so he went with, “I have something to tell you.”        

[khrsecretsanta]

To: Fueledbyfangirling (BB)

ARC 1 - Khrkin (Francis)

For BB! I wrote a lil drabble for you centered around Tsuna and Hayato. I hope you’re having a very merry holiday season!

Hayato has a little clear jar decorated in first-grade bright stars, it’s filled with carefully handled memories and fragile treasures, and he locks it neatly away in the more natural accessible part of his mind. For moments when he’ll need them most. About a third of the jar filled with Tsuna’s smiles, his kind looks, overall his everything. Every new expression is neatly stashed away to recollect fondly on days when maybe Tsuna doesn’t have a smile to give.

Hayato’s first Christmas, the one that felt to be full of all the holiday-cheer bullshit or whatever nonsense, consisted of paper snowflakes and a couple of cracked ornaments. And Tsuna’s laughter ringing loud and clear through the house like a happy trill. Even though he’d received a pair of socks with ugly mushrooms on them, Hayato had never felt so full in all of his years of pushing and pulling and fighting. At fourteen, he truly understood what it meant to enjoy the presence of family.

Which brings him to his most recent stumbling block, the twenty-seventh this week and it’s only Tuesday afternoon. It’s no secret that himself and Tsunayoshi are close or preferably in a romantic relationship, which good because of fuck anybody who tells them otherwise. But that makes Christmas a lot harder. Hayato isn’t very good at coming up with meaningful gifts, but for Tsuna, he’s more than willing to try. Only, Hayato isn’t exactly sure where to start.

What does he want? There’s the most frustrating step because Tsunayoshi is so stubborn in the ways that he'll insist on not wanting anything. “I have all that I could ever want,” sweet as those words are it makes Hayato want to nail him occasionally. He’s sure Tsuna is this close to duct taping him to the ceiling as well meaning they’re at an impasse.

The first question goes like this, they’re enjoying a rare moment of relaxation on the sofa that Tsuna insists they don’t need to replace due to one ketchup stain courtesy of Lambo, and Hayato can feel himself drifting off in Tsuna’s arms. The fingers are combing through his hair chasing promises of sleep. And then with a start, he realizes those fingers are shaking. “What’s the matter?” The words come out before his brain can catch up, spurred by concern and his constant act first and ask questions later. Tsuna seems to pause, and that’s when Hayato knows for a fact that he’s overthinking. “It’s okay, you can tell me.” He presses with a nudge of his shoulder.

“I was just thinking, I guess.” Tsuna looks a bit miserable all hunched over with his fingers still buried in Hayato’s hair.

“About what?”

Sighs are long, unsteady things often, their meanings can be dreadful. “It’s weird, but I guess I never expected to make it this far. Twenty-three is a big number, and I’m not sure where to go from there. It’s our ninth Christmas of me being unsure how the fuck all of these things happened. I think, I just don’t want to ruin this year.”

Hayato can barely think, “I don’t see how you would.”

They met on another dreary summer day, by the convenience store at Hollyhock and Maybrook. One wanted a Pepsi; the other wanted anything that could cure this goddamn headache. So when an unfamiliar boy manages to drop a whole two liter of Pepsi while looking miserable and obstructing his path, the two first got on like oil and water.

Gokudera grabbed Tsuna by the collar and Tsuna yelped, stomping on his foot hard and scrambling away, right out the automatic doors.

Hayato swore next time they met he would pummel that kid.

Coincidentally, their next meeting was at his transfer school. Hayato didn’t pummel him as planned, but he did kick over his desk with the kid still in it. Sawada looked shaken for days afterward, serves him right.

And then Christmas rolled around that first year in nowheresville Japan, Bianchi didn’t even stick around long enough for the cake, not that Hayato was lonely, not one bit. It was just like every year, and somehow that just sounded even worse, so he took a walk, not a drive, Bianchi has the car he reminds himself. Not that Hayato could drive legally, but since when did that stop anybody. He should’ve expected it to be cold as fuck but alas there are times when he doesn’t have a fucking brain. Nothing could contest to the rage over that one fact.

It’s funny in a real not amusing at all way how Sawada once again managed to drop soda on his foot! The boy in question flustered, “Hrgh, uh, sorry I guess?” Sawada stares pretty hard, and that makes his blood boil once more beneath his pink cheeks. “What do you mean ‘I guess,’ huh?” The words roll off his tongue just as sharp as Hayato meant them to be. Sawada ducked, waving his hands passively in front of himself like warding off his impending doom.

“I didn’t mean it like that! I kinda got lost in thought…” He trails off scratching his arm nervously, and Hayato represses the urge to roll his eyes before snatching the liter off its merry, albeit slow, way across the floor and shoving it into Sawada’s arms. “You’re thinking too hard. Isn’t it like Christmas or something? You’re the last person I expected to run into.” Hayato jingles his pocket, only three rolls left, shit. Sawada’s eyes blow wide, they’re huge, big as saucers.

“What’s that even supposed to mean?” Genuinely confused Tsuna cringes as the bottle nearly tumbles from his grasp, again. If that’s the case then shouldn’t Hayato be at his own home? “It’s not like I don’t frequent this convenience store or anything.” True that Miura who works the after-school shift often rings him up for another box of band-aids, and Kurokawa who works in the makeup aisle does recommend things to cover up the dark bags that quote on quote make him “look like you haven’t slept in a year,” but still, that has nothing to do with Christmas?

Hayato let out a long-suffering sigh. “Shouldn’t you be I don’t know, decorating cookies with your parents or something?” He punctuates his words with gestures, jerky at best.

“Nuh uh,” Tsuna hefted the bottle of pop up higher in his arms, one mitten sliding partway down his hand. “It’s just my mom and me. She’s at work right now, so I am- er- was going to bring back her favorite pop for when she gets home later. I mean, yeah if I could do that with my parents I’d probably be back at the house.”

Oh.

“Mood.” That’s the first time Hayato has been decent to one Sawada Tsunayoshi, and suddenly it’s as if the boy above received the moon, cliche as it is his eyes glow somewhat like the sun. “Hold this,” Tsuna says, and Hayato is about to say no because he isn’t a caddy boy, but the bottle immediately shoved into his hands, and there’s not much he can do but contemplate dropping it high enough for the cap to dent the pop to splatter and fizzle all over the floor. But then his shoes would get sticky too, wouldn’t they?

His thoughts of petty revenge are cut short by something wrapped around his neck, blue and soft and completely enjoyable. Without thinking one hand flies up to his neck, he pulls, a pretty blue scarf comes along with him. “You haven’t got anything, and it’s cold. Merry Christmas, Gokudera-kun! Be safe, a-and don’t you go catch a cold!”

Even when automatic doors ding, Hayato is still standing there red-cheeked, shell-shocked, sporting a matching hat and scarf. A forgotten bottle of Cola between his hands.

(Later when at home he opens it. Watching it explode all over the table Hayato barks his first real laugh in a long, long time. He finishes off the cake, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.)

January rolls around, a new term. Hayato declaring his undying devotion both touches and terrifies Tsuna.

Hayato discovered the meaning of his words a few days later. Tsuna is nowhere within the base; he isn’t even in his usual place between the corner and stairs of the washroom sorting documents and hiding from Reborn for a missed deadline.

And then he’s gone. Tsuna is gone, and he’s dead, and he’s never coming back to laugh or cry or be the little spoon when Hayato wakes up plagued with nightmares about losing his family.

Hayato can’t believe it. No, he won't find it because there was never life in him before Tsuna stepped into the picture. He’ll never see the man he loved so dearly again.

He keeps three bottles of cherry pop inside the fridge but never drinks them.

That Christmas when they make a feeble attempt to celebrate it falls flat because Christmas isn’t the same without Sawada Tsunayoshi. It’s empty.

Those bottles will never empty, but Hayato does. He empties his stomach into the nearest toilet, abandoning their party.

Trivial things like gifts don’t matter so much anymore.

I have everything I could ever want!

They both did.

Their reunion is something fierce. All gnashing teeth and apologetic cries, latching on to one another and not letting go as Tsuna babbles incoherent apologies, unable to get close enough because nothing is close.

Hayato sobs like a child, not letting go with shuddering breaths because it can’t be, that Tsuna is back! He’s again and he’s living, breathing, crying! How many nights has he laid awake in an empty bed, thinking of what he might give just to hear his boyfriend do anything again?

“You owe me a Christmas.”

Tsuna stops abruptly amidst all of his babbled apologies, tears slipping down his bright cheeks. “Huh?” He says dumbly because there isn’t a better reaction. Hayato is digging his fingers into Tsuna’s forearms looking somewhat like a petulant child, albeit determined. Eyes are shining, nose running. His fringe looks all grown out and messed up from running his fingers through his hair so many times. “I said you owe me the best Christmas celebration you can fucking give, please.”

Well, if he says it like that. Mid-May be damned.

“I will! Right now, Chrome, please get out the decorations!” Desperate to soothe, she scrambles off with a nod.

Empty cola bottles are like reliving a pleasant memory.

They pretend it’s snowing. Tinsel on the doorways, a Christmas tree illusion in the great room. Beneath the fake snow their lips meet. And this time, many more holidays follow in good health.

Loving and loved in return.

ARC 2 - Trilies (James)

So fun story: I was in the middle of writing your gift when Tumblr rolled out with its absurd new changes! And, despite Tumblr saying it wouldn’t touch written things… Well, I didn’t have a lot of faith in them, tbh! So I’ve put your gift on another site: warmskies (dot) dreamwidth (dot) com! It’s under the title of “anchor”, and I hope you like it! It didn’t get as NSFW as I was hoping (the tumblr thing threw me off my game), but that can always change. I hope you like it!

[bthump]

Do you think there is anything Griffith could do at this point to stop Guts from his revenge quest? It's highly unlikely that it would happen in the context of the story, but I'm just curious if there could be another way. Would Guts be capable to forget Griffith at this point?

lol ngl I legit think that NGriff showing up and just saying “Hey so turns out I actually failed my feelings test on the Hill of Swords, I’m still in love with you after all, wanna join the Hawks again?” would do it. Guts would spend 2 seconds wondering if he’s fucking with his head and then Griffith would Look at him and Guts would be like, “yeah.”

Or yk, just “I realized I still want you, Guts.” boom, friendship ended with revenge, now Griffith is my best friend again.

I actually completely think that Guts’ revenge campaign was like, half-assed at best, not something he’s ever been genuinely committed to, and pretty much just a way to get Griffith’s attention again. I have some posts that get into that point further, but basically it’s in the way Guts can’t finish his “when I see him again I’ll-” thought most of the time, it’s in how he still sees Femto/NGriff as a True Light, it’s in how he forgets his urge to kill, it’s in how the moments that really upset Guts post-Eclipse are when he sees Femto and NGriff again and they say “lol idc about you anymore,” how Guts fucking moped about Griffith abandoning him after the Hill of Swords, like, this is not a dude who is actually committed to killing this guy.

Like Guts is not ideologically or morally opposed to NGriff. He doesn’t care about Falconia or Fantasia, he’s not out to protect people from evil overlord Griffith or w/e lol. And he’s not even avenging Casca and the rest of the Hawks - he tells himself he is, but in chapter 130 he pretty much admits to himself that he’s just lashing out.

Guts wants 2 things in his life: to kill shit when he’s mad and for Griffith to look at him, and his revenge campaign was his attempt to get both.

SO BASICALLY YEAH I think Griffith admitting Guts still has his attention would completely derail the revenge thing.

I mean to be perfectly fair I think to make it work in fic or something Guts would still have like, a lot of inner conflict lol. You could make a p good argument that the “get Griffith’s positive attention” ship has sailed thanks to the eclipse rape as well as NGriff saying he has no regrets (tho considering how easily Miura ignores it when it comes to eg the aforementioned Guts moping when NGriff takes off it��s also easy to argue the opposite imo), and now the only attention Guts wants is for Griff to look into his eyes as Guts stabs him or w/e. Personally if I was writing this scenario I’d take an extra step and make Guts go beast of darkness and do something unforgiveable like murder Isidro before this happens so he can go “fuck it I’m a monster too now we might as well be monsters together.” Just because I think it would be easier to justify as in character lol. Miura seems to ignore the eclipse rape half the time while writing the post-eclipse story but fandom doesn’t really so, yeah.

But yeah idk it’s not a hard sell for me that if Griffith admitted he’s still hung up on Guts then Guts’ urge to kill him would disappear, never to be seen again.

BUT ALL THAT SAID re: that last bit, no I don’t think Guts could actually get over Griffith and forget him. My answer so far is only shifting Guts’ obsession back to wanting to be Griffith’s bff/fuck him, because I don’t think there’s a single thing Griffith could do to make Guts like, lose interest in him and move on.

He’s been obsessing over a single glance across a vast plain since he got on the boat. Maybe if he’d never laid eyes on him again after Griffith’s “I am over you, and that, my friend, is what they call closure” moment on the Hill of Swords he’d have had a tiny chance of moving on eventually, but imo Griffith looking at him intently is a one hit KO for Guts’ chances of getting over him. Like idk maybe if he encountered Griffith one more time only for Griffith to reiterate being totally over him for real and then they never saw each other again and also Casca ran away with Farnese and he never saw her again either eventually Guts would fuck Serpico and start to move on? But even then he’d still know Griffith is out there in the world doing stuff ~where his sword can reach~ and he’d probably hear about him occasionally since he’s now ruler of remaining civilization so...

Mmmaybe if NGriff went back to being Femto on the astral plane out of sight and out of mind and inhuman and unreachable? Or if he, like, died and Guts could maybe finally start to mourn the human version of him since he’s fully gone now? Even then it would take years and years and a lot of positive influences around him imo, and I still wouldn’t bet on Guts moving on lol, he’d be more likely to go back to aimlessly fighting monsters to cope with his feelings til something killed him.