#mortal enemies but also lovers but also on the same side but also an married divorsed couple

[bobsayshallo]

Hot take but I have come to the conclusion that when I talk about the potential of Jay being "evil" or "morally gray", I essentially want Jon and Jay to have whatever it is that Xavier and Magneto have.

[your-local-hoemie]

HELLO 🐢ANON BACK AGAIN WITH ZHONGLU BRAINROT THUS TIME YIPEE

Okayokay so imagine like immortal!reader who went into like a deep sleep/coma after the archon war to like recover and everything. So after zhongli retired (i forgot how many yrs after the archon war) reader finally wakes up and gets so confused coz their lover morax is dead?? But reader recognizes him (hes standing right infront of them) so theyre even more confused now and why is his name zhongli?? Either way reader jumps into his arms and hugs him and asks him what happened and everything so theyre reunited and happy now 🥰 and zhongli almost comung to tears coz hes so happy that readers alive 😞😞 all this time he thought they were dead T-T and they kinda live as retired gods in liyue enjoying their "mortal" life together ughhh so cute like an old married couple

OH MY GOD YES IM SCREAMING, CRYING, GIGGLING, KICKING AND ALL OF THE RESTVDHFJFJDJFJFKIFIG!!!!! 🙏🙏🙏

Watch me get too carried away with the angst because I love putting myself through pain.

Warnings: mild angst, fluff, Zhongli being a simp, gn!reader, not proof-read.

Characters: Zhongli.

It had been a long, grueling battle.

You had fought tirelessly next to your lover, Zhongli. Throughout the day, the entirety of the war.

He often spoke about his displeasure in you doing so but the thought of him possibly getting hurt, or worse, terrified you.

So after your complete disregard for your own safety. You finally struck down the last of the enemies as the war slowly came to an end, only to notice how badly injured you were.

Once Morax came across your broken and bloodied body, he swears it’s the closest he’s ever come to breaking.

Even after all the lives he’s had to take, the blood spilled in his name.

You were the one thing he couldn’t handle losing after this long, gruesome nightmare.

After he carried you back to the safety of your small, hidden cottage where you would both spend your time drinking tea and talking about your future together in Liyue before the war started, he tentatively cared for your wounds and watched over you every chance he could.

He obviously knew that you were immortal. he also knew that occasionally, if you were hurt or sick, you'd fall into a regenerative sleep.

So when you remained unconscious for a few weeks, he wasn't worried. After all, a few weeks in his eternity meant nothing. Though he'd be lying if he said he didn't miss you beyond words.

After weeks turned into months and months turned into years, his hope of ever seeing your soft gaze soon vanished as his time was becoming more and more occupied with rebuilding the land he once ruled over with you by his side.

When the last wall was built for the last house for the now growing population of Liyue, he had to make the decision to move on.

So with one last visit to the cottage, now hidden away even more by overgrown shrubbery, he placed what he thought would be his final kiss on your cheek along with soft begs of forgiveness and apologies, he finally mustered up the strength to walk out the worn down door one last time.

Now, many, many years later, hidden away in that same cottage now completely overgrown and reclaimed by the wilderness, you finally forced your eyelids to open and take in the almost blinding rays of sunlight streaming in from the cracks in the walls as vines hung down and gently caressed your skin.

Slowly sitting up, you took in the scene around you. This was definitely not how you remembered your home looking.

How long had you been asleep? Where was your beloved? What if he was still on the battlefield? All of these thoughts rushed through your mind as you forced your stiff bones to support your weight as you stood up faster than what you should of.

Now fully conscious, not to mention disorientated, you ran out of the small abode to scan the area for any signs of Morax only to find something that confused you even more.

Nothing. You found nothing of the chaos and bloodshed that you remembered so vividly, only the soft touch of grass beneath your feet and the cool summer breeze caressing your skin.

Turning around in a daze, you examine your once cozy and welcoming home only to find it now crumbling and overgrown with plants and wildlife

If this had been any other time you would have found the scene to be enchanting, but as the realization of how long you had been asleep slowly started to hit you, you couldn't help but feel your heart start to race with anxiety and questions.

Taking a deep breath, you gathered your thoughts as best as you could and decided to go to the closest village you remembered.

Needless to say, after walking for around 40 minutes, you were more than a little shocked to see the village now being a very large and very populated city.

"Excuse me, are you alright?"

Looking around with a confused expression you locked eye's with what appeared to be a guard of some sort.

"Y-yes um, would you mind telling me where I am?"

"Liyue harbor of course! Home of the great Geo Archon and Teyvats largest trading supply lines!"

Hearing the formal title of your seemingly lost lover you couldn't help but pry the poor soul from your confused questioning.

"Geo Archon? Morax? Would you know where I could find him? we know each other and-"

"I'm sorry, you must be new here. Morax was killed not too long ago…”

After hearing those words leave his mouth your mind suddenly went blank.

Not only had you been asleep for what seemed like centuries but now you’ve just found out that the love of your life, Your other half had not only died but was also murdered.

Not saying anything else, you took your leave and started walking aimlessly through the city streets that now felt even more foreign that what they did before.

You did your best to try and take in your new surroundings and find out just how long you had been unconscious for but the looming grief that wrecked your heart just seemed to get worse with every mention of Morax.

After spending a few hours aimlessly walking around the harbour you decided that all you needed right now was to process your thoughts.

Taking a deep breath, you say yourself down on a wall that overlooked what seemed to be the centre of a market place that was now silent of any busy citizens as the moon rose up above the horizon highlighting the buildings with a soft glow.

The only signs of life left now were a handful of fishermen packing up their boats for the night and a small tea house that overlooked the street leading ti the harbour that was occupied by two sails men that were selling fish at the dock earlier and-

You feel your heart stop in your chest as you lean forward to take in the silhouette of a tall man with posture matching that of a plank of wood and a very familiar looking rat tail.

There’s no way. It’s impossible. You just found out he died in front of all of Liyue harbour’s citizens just months earlier.

You were so convinced that it was just the grief making your mind go fuzzy that you got up and decided to walk and find a place when you heard him speak.

“Ah, yes. This tea is superb as always”

You swear you dug your heels so hard into the ground that it left a mark in the stone beneath you.

“Morax..?”

The man froze solid in place at hearing his old name come from such a familiar voice that he could of sworn it was just his ears playing tricks on him.

Hesitating for a moment, you took a step closer to him as his deep golden eyes widened at the sight of you now draped in the soft glow from the tea house.

“Y/N…? It can’t be”

Through your vision that’s now blurred with tears you could see him stand up before slowly walking down the steps towards your figure before speaking words that could barley be heard over the gentle breeze.

“It really is… Celestia it really is you!”

Without a second thought, you ran up to him and the your arms around his waist before sobbing into his chest (heh breakdown boobies)

Not saying another word he kneeled on the ground holding your shaking body in his strong arms, not even bothering to hold back the tears running down his cheeks.

“I.. I thought you were dead! Everyone told me you were killed and I-”

“As did I, my love. I thought I lost you many centuries ago and that I lost the blessing of seeing your smile once more”

You both stayed like that for a while longer as he held you close to his chest as physically possible, almost as if he feared that the second he let you go, you’d disappear again.

When you both recovered from the shock of finding each other after believing you’d lost the other one for eternity, “Morax” took you to a quiet place away from the city and explained everything that had happened since you fell asleep all those centuries ago and how he’s retired from being an archon to simply live as “Zhongli”

“I can’t believe you still remember me after all that time”

“How could I forget, love? Every second I spent without feeling your hand in mine was far worse than any tragedy I’ve bore in my lifetime”

“I suppose I’ll have to get used to calling you zhongli now, huh?”

You both let out a soft laugh while Zhongli wrapped you tightly in his embrace.

Times might be very different to what they were but you have all the time in the world to adjust, and you can rest assured that the love of your life won’t leave your side ever again for the rest of eternity.

“I love you, Morax”

“Forever and always, my dear~”

AAAAHAJDLEIDODODEDJDIR WHY DID I ALMOST CRY WRITING THIS HNGGGGGGGFGG IT’S SO BAD

My creative juices became a waterfall and then a whole ass tsunami. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t missed staying up until literally 5am to write about my boys T-T

[hanlimz]

[midnight thoughts: jongseong + domestic life]

pairing: park jongseong x gn!reader [ig implied fem!reader, but it isn't rly specified where jinsol comes from,,,, if u,,, catch my drift ig LMAOO] genre/warnings: domestic fluff bc i need to marry park jongseong asap >:( !!! / food cw !, corny flirting bc i love playful banter, misleading title bc i posted this in the evening lolol, also i finished this at 3am again so the end is prob a bit ramble-y (?) wc: ~0.9k (this is pretty short considering i could talk abt jay 4ever) a/n: inspired by jay's weverse post where he told engenes to eat more fruit <////3 (i love him so much it's literally not even funny) / i also have no idea where "jinsol" came from ?? i've never had baby fever in my LIFE??? but oh to have a happy little family w park jongseong :'''''') / also i listened to seasons by wave to earth while writing 10/10 recommend

humidity weighs heavy in the summer air as a bead of sweat threatens to trail its way from the valley between your shoulder blades down to the small of your back. the weather would be unbearable if not for the large bowl of freshly cut fruit in your lap and the angelic bouts of laughter spilling from your daughter's lips. a fake tiara is poised atop her tiny head, the bottom of her fairy costume is stained with dirt from the garden, and she's poking your husband with a magic wand you recently purchased for her birthday.

you giggle as you spot jongseong pretending to be some fantastical monster; he chases your daughter back and forth through the park with a menacing twitch of his nose and an undeniable fondness twinkling in his gaze. relishing in this moment of peace, large clouds billow out into the sweeping, blue sky to offer a temporary reprieve from the sun's unyielding heat. however, even in spite of the shade, condensation pools in your lap as the bowl of fruit succumbs to the sweltering temperatures.

"oh, princess jinsol!" you call, having to suppressing a chuckle as your daughter's face immediately lights up at the new title. "the fruit's going to be all warm if you don't catch that big, scary beast soon!"

jongseong shoots you a playful glare as an exaggerated pout is etched into his features. while jinsol is still distracted by trying to figure out how to defeat her father-turned-sworn-enemy, he scoops her up into his arms and peppers an array of kisses all over her face. another spell of that same, ethereal laughter graces your ears as the two of them draw closer; your daughter is squirming in jongseong's hold, and as soon as she escapes from the "monster's" clutches, she buries herself into your side to nuzzle her forehead into the soft fabric of your sundress.

"daddy's so silly—huh, babygirl?" you say, running two knuckles along the soft, rounded expanse of her cheek. as you move the bowl out of her way, jinsol nods into the crook of your hip; she seems to find solace in the damp cotton and the hypnotic patterns you're tracing into her skin. "never goes easy on his princess, hm?"

jongseong brushes his fingers through jinsol's hair before reaching up to pinch your cheek. "hey—i let her win, sometimes ..." he protests, glancing down at his daughter; her chest rises and falls in a rhythmic pattern, and the fatigued fluttering of her eyelids mimic the butterflies accompanying your summer picnic. jongseong places a loving kiss to the crown of your head while admiring the little masterpiece napping atop your thighs. your lover lowers his voice to a careful whisper, "i just felt like i had to live up to the title of 'big, scary beast' that was bestowed upon me."

"oh, i see ..." you hum with a playful lilt, "what were you even trying to be—a troll?"

he snorts, "an ogre, maybe?"

"some sort of mortally wounded dragon?" you offer, basking in the feeling of his shoulder bouncing against yours. jongseong leans into your side as he carefully reaches over you and jinsol to grab a piece of watermelon, but you're quicker. ever the bringer of mischief—you snatch the bowl away from him with an impish grin dancing at the corners of your mouth. "maybe instead of stealing the princess, though," you simper, wiggling your eyebrows in the way you know makes him laugh, "you could steal a kiss from me?"

your husband scoffs, but lets his fingers waltz up the length of your arm nevertheless. "hilarious," he deadpans, quirking an eyebrow to stare at you over the rim of his sunglasses. "you're pretty bold to assume that one kiss would satisfy a super strong, super awesome dragon with sexy shades."

"ugh, you're so lucky i love you," you groan, faking a gag before succumbing to his charms—regardless of the strange ways that they may manifest in. "how about two kisses and i give you the watermelon?"

"haggling, now, are we?" jongseong chuckles, hooking his index finger under your chin, "i'll raise you ... three kisses, the watermelon, and another picnic next weekend."

"you've got yourself a deal, park jongseong."

your husband moves forward to press a gentle kiss against the tip of your nose; it forces a symphony of giggles from your mouth, but everything goes quiet when his lips meet yours in a conjunction that mirrors the sensation of ice cold lemonade gliding down your throat on a warm, summer's afternoon. the way jongseong kisses you is light and refreshing; he never fails to send shivers up your spine, and his lips are always sure to leave you dazed when he pulls away. jongseong draws back, stopping for a moment to graze the pad of his thumb over your cupid's bow before craning his neck up to place one more lingering kiss to your forehead.

"can i snag a piece of watermelon, now?" jongseong asks, that same exaggerated pout reappearing on his face.

you laugh, "anything for you, dear."

there's a beat of silence. a delicate summer breeze coaxes a sweet melody from the leaves that hang on the surrounding trees. as you watch jongseong feast on a mouthful of fresh fruit, you card your fingers through jinsol's silken hair. your princess is safe once more, sleeping soundly beneath the hidden stars in the evening sky. perhaps, in the future, she will face dragons more dangerous than the one her father pretends to be—but, for now, she is peaceful in your arms. mesmerized by the sheer adoration swelling in your heart, you don't actively register your husband's soft hand squeezing at the back of our neck. instead, it's a comforting pressure, it's a quiet reassurance that everything is okay, and it's a resolute promise to protect his happy, little family until the end of time.

it's love.

and, really, what more could you ask for?

[rosesandalfazemas]

Bestie I'm in love with your lady Port and now obsessed with her also having an harem, and I know you're talking about the canonverse but it made me think of an royalty au and thought u might like it.

So basically, she's a princess and a knight (named by her people "the blue dragon")

Arthur- is her "official husband". he's the consort prince and the one to show more often right at her side during meetings and stuff. Arthur is from another house and her childhood friend. Cares for her a lot but still can't help getting involved with his maid (Amelia) and with his mortal enemy (Francis) who he insist he has no involvement with.

Antonio- her brother who was the one actually chosen by their father to spouse her (bc keeping the blood pure and all that crap). Beatrix (I think this is the name you gave for her right?) Likes him, but not enough to marry him. Antonio feels the same (he loves Romano and she allows their hidden relationship) but is also very overprotective over her so he accepted the marriage to protect her. He and Arthur bicker a lot and headbut over decisions and her attention.

Abel- a fellow knight, her rival. Enemies to lovers stuff 😉. Accepted to marry her help elevate his status (like in canon he thinks about money a lot). Cares about her too but will not let it show (don't worry she knows lol).

Kiku- a friend from overseas. A xogum she married for political benefits, a lovely friend that stays in his lands but they often talk through letters. When she visits they make up for their distance with a chat with tea and in his bed :}

Cheng- one of Yao's sons. Married to her while young for political reasons. Was shy around her at first. She's very protective of him so she makes sure he has bodyguards following him around the land wherever he goes.

Heracles- a philosophers she meet during her travel to Greece. A sleepyhead that always provides the best insights and advices. When her life gets busy and other nobles (even her other husbands) get on her nerves she goes to him to listen to him and pet his cats. He moved to her kingdom and spends his time studying and teaching his philosophy and hoarding every stray cat he sees.

Luciano- and least but not last. He's a prince from a rival kingdom. He had no interest in marrying her because he suspected that would allow her and the other kingdom to take advantage of this union to benefit them. But Beatrix kept her promise to respect his kingdom's sovereign. He and Cheng are the youngest but unlike him , he has no problem on call her out and disagree with her decisions. Beatrix finds his rebelliousness charming.

Welcome to Knightalia

OMG BESTIE YOU MADE THE FULL WORLD IN A POST.

Yes yes yes

[onlyforpjm]

TRENDING NOW

PJM

The Weekend Massacre

WRITTEN BY jimlingss 

Words: 19.7k

Genres: 90% Angst, 10% Action?, Serial Killer!AU

Summary: Receiving an invitation to a party, Jimin finds himself in a room of serial killers and a game to see who can gain the most notoriety.

Warning: vomiting, toxic relationship, murder, gore, homeless abuse, mentions of sexual abuse, cults, mutilation etc. I don’t condone the actions of my characters.

❧onlyforpjm’s feedback: BOY OH BOY, when i tell you this was a story soooooooooo different from what i usually read but it is SO GOODD, i am so used to sappy couple happy ending stories and honestly this was a refreshing break from my usual readings 

A Kiss of Poison

WRITTEN BY jimlingss

Words: 29.2k

Genres: Angst, A Pinch of Fluff, But Still Mostly Angst

Summary: You are the princess of the kingdom, ready to marry the prince/your childhood friend, Jeon Jungkook. But when you visit the forest one last time, an unsightly witch curses you. Now you wait for your prince’s rescue—but someone else might just beat him to the punch instead.

Or alternatively….

In fairytales, the prince saves the princess from the evil witch. No one ever expects the princess and the witch to be the same person.

Warnings: gruesome and horrifying details, curses, lots of sad times, details of deformations, blood.

❧onlyforpjm’s feedback: wow, all i can say is wow because this is not your typical fairytail story and i love it, y/n being slightly evil? SIGN ME UP and if you couldnt tell i adore jimlingss writings

The Iron Ring

WRITTEN BY sailoryooons

pairing: fae prince! Jimin x human! female reader

summary: After finding a mysterious ring while cleaning out your late grandmother’s attic, you receive the unlikeliest of visitors: a fae prince who claims you have something that belongs to him. Discovering the fairytales your grandmother told you are true is the least of your problems when you’re taken to a world dangerous and unfamiliar.

words: 92,681

❧onlyforpjm’s feedback: oh my lord, i literally stayed up to finish this. its such a satisfying slow burn, and jimin in this story ommmmmggggggg i wish i could brain wash myself and re read this over and over, also the plot??!?!?!? so creative sailoryoons is so talented

emerald fire

WRITTEN BY mygnolia

summary: flames in your raging fire don’t burn out as fast as you think they do, and you don’t expect your relationship with someone like park jimin to ignite as fast as it does.

pairing: park jimin x reader (fem)

genre: enemies/rivals to lovers, mostly fluff

au: top students, hogwarts/hp/wizarding community

words: 19k

warning: cursing! explicit language! misunderstandings, low insults they don’t really mean, minor injury to side character, family emergencies

❧onlyforpjm’s feedback: my absolute favorite writing of all time. i absolutely knew nothing about the harry potter universse before reading this but NOW? baby im hooked, jimin is so sweet and so kind i wanna cryyyy. also i am most definitely a slytherin ;)

Lovely Demons (M)

WRITTEN BY kpopfanfictrash

pairing: Jimin / Reader (female)

genre:  Fantasy / Enemies to Lovers / Princes of Hell!AU / Witch!AU

words: 41,774

warnings: 18+ for sexual content. Fingering, dirty talk, oral (female), condom-less sex (with mention of other protection), breast play.

Graphic injuries occur to main characters throughout the story. There are action/fight scenes.

Summary:   As penance for a crime committed long, long ago, the Witch Council banished you to the feared Tholoss forest. Your sentence was one hundred thousand days of solitude – or death, whichever came first. Your only hope of salvation comes from the demon names routinely sent your way; creatures who escape the inner circles of Hell and pose a threat to the mortal realms. For each demon you kill, days are removed from your sentence. For years you’ve existed, biding your time, until one morning you receive a name which throws your entire world into chaos: the name of Park Jimin, High Prince of Hell himself.

❧onlyforpjm’s feedback: i lost sleep over this writing and IT WAS WORTH IT, this specific story revived my love for reading ffs and who doesn’t love an enemies to lovers??

JJK

A Piece of the Moonlight

WRITTEN BY jimlingss

 Words: 22.1k

Genre: Angst, tad of Fluff, Historical, Mulan!Au

Summary: For your loved ones, the people who are waiting at home, the people who have died - you will fight. And sometimes to fight means to sacrifice: who you really are and the person you really love.

Warnings for underlying misogynistic themes, blood, war and death.

❧onlyforpjm’s feedback: sigh all i can do is sigh,  heartbreaking, and the end

 :(((((((((( atleast we had some closure 10/10

[liabloodx]

Mod: So I decided to make a one shot of my AU in mortal kombat where Havik is the elder god of chaos and one of the leaders in the Chaos Realm and Hotaru is the elder god of order and balance, still the general of Seido, and the leader of the Order Realm. The legend of how Chaos and Order became lovers from enemies. It’s a enemies to lovers thing here. This also has some spoiler of Mei’s story but it’s just mentioned. Enjoy!

Long ago, there was a battle between Chaos and Order, two opposites that hated each other.

There was the god of chaos and the god of order. The two were sworn enemies that hated each other.

The reason on why the hate each other? Chaos loved to destroy everything in its sight without rebuilding it while order was there to keep balance and control what chaos does.

The two sides had always been enemies, chaos would always happen when destruction came and order would always try to make sure that everything was in balance, but chaos would always ruin the balance.

This went on for centuries until one day, something arranged happened.

It was like any other day Chaos would cause destruction and chaos and just left it there but for some reason Chaos rebuilt the destruction into something new.

This, however, surprised order, as order would see Chaos rebuild the entire thing that was destroyed into something new.

Order got angered by this, it wasn’t like chaos to rebuild what was already destroyed from chaos. It wasn’t normal for him at all.

Order, wanting to make Chaos go back to his old ways, went over to the new rebuilt civilization and started to destroy it, causing chaos.

Chaos saw what order did but instead of doing the same thing he does, causing chaos and destroying things, he would rebuild what was destroyed, making it into something new.

This only made order more angry, he didn’t like it hat chaos was doing. Chaos was stealing what he does!

So order went over to chaos to confront him.

Order: Why aren’t you destroying everything like you always do?!

Order asked, that only made Chaos laugh.

Chaos: It’s simple, chaos can be used to destroy things, yes, but it can lead to new things in return. Chaos isn’t just destruction, it’s about reconstruction of what was destroyed.

Chaos explained.

It all made sense now to Order. Chaos was making new things that were lost to destruction. Order felt bad for destroying what chaos had made.

Order: I didn’t realize that chaos can make room for new things.

Order said as chaos just smiled. Chaos and Order would grab each others hands. They didn’t know that they were holding hands until they looked down.

Order: I didn’t mean to held your ha-

Before Order could finish, Chaos kissed him on the lips. The two gods finally made peace, they both had feelings bloom.

A few years go by and the two gods were married. Whenever chaos strikes, order was there to follow. When order destroyed things, Chaos was there to rebuild and make new things. Chaos would rebuild and make new things with the help of order.

A few more years went by when Chaos bonded himself to a scythe, wondering what mortal would do when given the power of chaos. At first, everyone that held the scythe didn’t understand and controlled chaos very well. That is until a girl grabbed the scythe and was able to control and handle chaos, even making new things.

And that was the story of Chaos and Order.

Havik: You need to sleep Amida.

Amida: awww, but I wanna know more!

Havik: I’ll tell you more tomorrow night, okay?

Amida: Okay mama. *yawns*

Havik: Hehe, good night my little chaos girl.

Amida: *asleep*.

Havik would exit the room before getting hugged by Hotaru.

Hotaru: I heard you telling our little girl about our story.

Havik: I did, she really loved it.

Hotaru: I’m so glad to have a family with you.

Havik: Me too.

[wine4thewin]

Which of your fics did you most enjoy writing?

OH GOODNESS. You win the prize for asking a very tough question.

A good rule of thumb with me is if the story is over 80,000 words and complete, I likely had an awesome time writing it. There are only 5 stories on my evilpeaches account that fall into that criteria, though the genres definitely are all over the place between those stories. They each have a special place in my heart due to the fact that when I get that head down into a story, I'm putting my all into it.

The Dungeon Master (Game of Thrones) was the first of the big ones I ever completed and taught me so much about writing and pacing. Not only that, I had to put a crazy amount of research into certain personality disorders due to the very terrifying nature of one of the characters.

I must have crazy loved Forgiveness Doesn't Taste Like This (Shadow and Bone) due to the fact that I recall some chapters constantly topping out at 15,000 words. It was wild. I plotted that story out in 3 chapters and it literally boomed into 13. I love writing rare pairs and this fic was the ultimate expression of rarepair that shocked many readers, due to the fact that they couldn't believe they liked it all when the world was full of Darklina fics instead LOL. This would also by default include my surprisingly lighthearted This Bed Has Three Sides, seeing as it surrounds the same rarepair, just without me being dark & serious & angsty about it haha.

Randomly, I watched Mad Max Fury Road late last year and fell in love with it all over again. As a reader, I go wild for post-apocalyptic stories. I love the genre. I passionately love writing in that genre (usually original fiction) due to the fact that apocalypse settings give carte blanche for terrible situations and characters who have been forced to go morally bankrupt for so many reasons. So, I really enjoyed This Feeling, It Burns Hot because I got to explore deeper into the death cult portrayed in the movie and how that would shape the people inside of it. George Miller is a mastermind for Mad Max, thanks dude.

Finally, the most recent addition to my giant novel length complete stories is A Mistake By Any Other Name (LotR) This one is especially near and dear due to the fact that the characters are my original characters. They burst into life in my mind and somehow I couldn't stop wanting to write a full-length story for them in the Lord of the Rings world. My favorite trope is enemies to lovers, though I hate when enemies to lovers is done with both characters changing who they are to somehow like each other. I don't view that as enemies to lovers, so I write how I like to read it: the characters grow into each other, but they don't 'change who they are' just to fit the needs of another person. If there is personal growth, it must be organic. This story revolves around an orc & a human, mortal enemies. Why do I like monster romance? IDK. I don't understand it, but I blame Beauty and the Beast from when I was a young lass. I also especially blame The Princess and the Goblin (and yes, you can still watch it on youtube, because none of us want to pay $100 for the obscure VHS tape LOL) I'll never forget the goblin prince complaining to his outrageous parents that he may have to suffer the 'ugliness' of the human princess when he kidnaps and marries her. Cracks me up every time.

I'm long-winded, I'm sorry!! Ya'll know this :D

[genshin-impact-fics]

Finding out You're in the Fatui

Characters: Jean, Childe, Keqing, Albedo, Diluc, Xiao

Diluc:

Whatever way he finds out he’s very upset; he trusted you, he fell in love with you yet now he finds out you’re with the enemy? He’s fearing that everything that’s happened between the two of you was a lie, that you just used him until you got what you needed. His brain is just in a storm of thoughts

He wants to believe that you’re good at heart, that all of this was because you didn’t have much of a choice. He’s going to ask questions, but more importantly he will offer you a way out: abandon the Fatui and just live with him he will vow to protect you and even find a safe area to work if employment was a concern of yours

If you accept his offer he’s glad that he didn’t have to lose you, he loves you too much and it’d be just too sad for him to have to cut ties with you especially since you’re the first one he’s felt such strong feelings for

But if you refused and you made it clear that you willingly joined the Fatui, he’s absolutely heartbroken. He’d probably start crying out of how painful the reality of the situation was and try to beg you to leave and stay with him. He does not have the heart to even consider having to fight you, he didn’t want to harm you yet here you were showing a completely different side to you that not even he caught onto

Xiao:

He is enraged at the new information when he finds out. He curses himself for being so blind and having trusted you as much as he did. How could he be calm about this; you played a hand in the fall of the archon he served under, the archon that saved him from his horrible past and gave him a new purpose in life. How could he ever forgive you for such a betrayal

Though he refuses to bloody his hands with those of mortal blood, he will lash out and attack you. His heart hurts as how could he let this happen, he loved you yet was this the world’s way of punishing him for his past he could only wonder

If you plea to him to listen to your explanation he’s conflicted; you were either telling the truth or you were lying to just buy yourself some time… But he stopped and kept a safe distance from you as though you hurt his trust in his heart he still very much loves you so if there was a glimmer of hope that you can be saved he would be willing to listen to judge for himself. His expression softens when learning that you essentially got forced and trapped into working in the Fatui and at that point he is willing to keep you with him which mainly consisted of you living at the Wangshu Inn with him

However if you confirm that you’re in the Fatui of your own choosing he’s hurt, but he’s already withdrawing his own emotions so it didn’t get in the way of his duties. You’re no longer the mortal he fell in love with, you were just another mortal trying to use him for your personal gain. He’ll warn you to never to return and that you are no longer permitted to call out his name because from that moment on you were enemies

Albedo:

Deep down he didn’t want to accept the possible fact you were potentially bad. There were small things you did or said that made him slightly skeptical of you yet he overlooked them because he was in love with you, there was something that always made him so curious and so fascinated with you. You never judged him, you were patient with him, as you even put yourself at risk with plenty of his experiments

Of course this conversation was in the privacy of his lab in Dragonspine, surely there was no need to have a big scene be made especially when he wanted to simply hear what you had to say for yourself. He’s very composed and calm for someone who’s feeling this pain in his chest at the fact that you’ve kept this from him for so long

If you were truly innocent it saddens him to hear how you were stuck paying off a debt that wasn’t even your own and that was the only reason why you were stuck in the predicament that you’re in. Surely there had to be some way to hide you from the Fatui right? Maybe not up there in Dragonspine since there were already so many of the agents scouting the mountains, but maybe he could ask Jean if you could stay with him; however, that then led to another possible problem. If he tried to explain the details the fact that you were associated with the Fatui, Jean might just want to arrest you for interrogation which he might have to simply keep that knowledge to himself for the sake of your safety

But at any time you're telling your story he will call you out on something if he feels you weren’t being truthful. Hearing that you were a third generation agent he came to understand that it was initially a family legacy to uphold; rather unfortunate but oddly enough he still didn’t look down on you for that. Of course he’s unsure of what to do as things are surely to be complicated now, but how could he come to really see you as the enemy when he loves you

Regardless of the case, he will continue to stay with you; however, he’ll take a few precautions to insure his own safety. He won’t be sharing details of things he’s working on, no more asking to help with experiments (unless they’re just something mundane and nothing too serious), but other than that he just can only hope that you will continue to be truthful from there forth

Childe:

You are his favorite and it’s very obvious to everyone in the Fatui. You are just about the only exception out of all the agents that he will go a little bit easy on when it comes to missions not going accordingly. He love you to bits and surely made sure that you knew he was serious about your twos relationship

You are not allowed to go on missions with the other Harbingers, Childe is very keen on having you accompany him and only him on missions. He also personally sees to your training because he sees the potential in you and it just seemed like the other agents who are in charge of training don’t seem to up to the level that best benefited you

You get spoiled a lot, he also makes sure to always praise you after any mission or task you do: you had a minor task to go collect a debt? Childe will tell you a job beautifully done. You were away on a big mission that had to do with looking for evidence of the whereabouts of another archon? He’ll tell you how proud he is and how much he loves you. He will make a request the Tsaritsa to bestow a delusion onto you; cuz surely if one of her Harbingers is speaking so highly of someone truly they are worthy of her gift

There was already so much to love about you already but ever since he found out how good you were with his siblings he knew that you were the one for him. He can trust you to look after his siblings to keep them safe since they already know that you are his significant other (but of course have no clue either of you work in the fatui). You two are in Liyue and Teucer suddenly appears out of nowhere: you’re already prepared to take care of and look after the younger brother. Childe just loves how good you are with him and it shows how much Teucer likes you too. Childe only wish that he could marry you the next day (something he says often to you)

Jean:

Needless to say she was distraught when she stumbled upon you speaking in a hushed tone with La Signora in the dead of night in an alleyway during her patrol. She didn’t know what to think but of course she wanted to confront you yet she’d stay hidden and wait till you were alone which didn’t help her spiraling thoughts wondering if you had been with the enemy this whole time and what the two of you had was just pretend to you

The moment the coast is clear Jean will come out of hiding and stand tall with her arms over her chest though the expression on her face does not match the rest of her body language. She knows she should keep this professional without getting her emotions involved, but how could she not when it was you; you were her lover so naturally she can’t help it

You knew you were in trouble as you could have hightailed it the other way, but you knew it would only make matters worse though also even if you had run now you’d have to face her eventually so what was the point. You answered whatever question she asked you; Though Jean did have a slightly difficult time being able to tell when certain replies you gave were possibly a lie. It pains her to have to consider breaking up because she did love you yet how could she love someone that could pose a great threat to her home that she’s sworn to protect; would probably have you put into custody for a while just to fully ensure that you weren’t just a spy or scheming behind the knights of favonius’ back

You of all people did Jean not expect to have such a high standing in the Fatui; you weren’t just some agent to be stationed there, you were a younger sibling of one of the harbingers overseeing everything the agents did. It made everything all the more painful for Jean as she thought she finally found someone who understood her and loved her despite her business along with her flaws, but she started to doubt your relationship. She’d have to take you in for further questioning to see what information you’ve leaked out, but when you made a run for it Jean knew she should chase after you yet… She let you escape, she didn’t want you getting hurt as for this one time will she let you do so; however, if you two crossed paths again unfortunately you’d give her no other choice but to warrant your arrest

Keqing:

She’s surprised at the fact that you’re associated with the Fatui, but of course she’s going to act as if it doesn’t bother her or hurt her in the slightest (though we all know just how badly she’s hurting on the inside). She knew it was too good to be true that you so happened to share the same ideologies and that you got along so beautifully.

She has put so much trust in you that she’s brought you up to the Jade Chamber with her to have peaceful tea time dates a couple of times before its destruction. Yet you made her look like a fool, as even if you never intended to hurt her or betray her, Keqing takes it very personally even if her love for you runs deep

Regardless whether or not you were good of heart that was trapped serving the Fatui or truly was lying about everything and using her that whole time she will coldly cut you off. She’s putting on her tough act saying how she simply cannot love a traitor that has put liyue in harm's way

It’s not until she’s alone or possibly just with Ganyu that Keqing breaks down into tears sobbing over her heartbreak. Nothing hurt more than letting you go, how she wanted to give you that second chance, but she couldn’t let love cloud her judgement, as maybe one day in the future you two could be together, but for now she’d need time to heal though she probably never really gets over you

[satanourunholylord]

Love and Love Making Among the Vikings

Below is an infodump post which focuses on these topics:

Courtship: The Viking Way

Good Personal Hygiene

Sex Before Marriage

Homosexuality being Acceptable (with limits)

Some Viking Marriage Customs That Survive Today

Viking Sexual Euphemisms

Acceptance of Adultery in the Viking Age

Viking Women Divorcing Their Husbands

Vikings in popular culture are often viewed as the brutes of the Dark Ages, robbing, raping and pillaging people and goods. However, an analysis of their personal lives shows a much different side. Family life was important to Norse men, and every proper, upstanding Viking aimed to marry and have children. And although their parents arranged their marriages, Norsemen liked to court their ladies- and made a special effort to impress them with their appearance.

As for Norse women, although they had to put up with their husband’s affairs with live-in mistresses, slaves and even other men, they had the right to divorce their partners for violence, neglect, and various sexually related issues. In fact, Norse customs of love, marriage, and sex set a high standard in their time- and some even survive to this day.

Courtship: The Viking Way

Courtship wasn’t strictly necessary in Norse culture as marriage was more about alliances than love. The prospective bride and groom’s families would command the negotiations, to create a match that would bind the two clans as allies – and sometimes end feuds. Many brides were promised as "peace pledges" to smooth troubled waters between rival families. Although the couple in question could voice an opinion, it was fair to say they had little choice but to go ahead with the match.

That didn’t mean there was no romance -but Norse men had to handle it carefully. If a potential groom was too slow in making advances to his prospective bride, the lady’s relatives could take this as a slight and seek blood vengeance. Eighteen courtships in the sagas ended in this messy fashion. On the other hand, it also didn’t pay to move too fast or stretch out the courtship too long. If the couple liked each other too much to wait for the wedding night, matters could become complicated by an unwanted pregnancy.

So attempts to cultivate what the Norse called ˜inn matki munr’ (‘the mighty passion’) were intricate and involved specific rituals. Meeting and talking was one way to forge a relationship. But some odd practices were also employed. For instance, if a girl wanted to show her man she liked him, she made him a shirt. As for Viking men, they would go out and handpick their lady a bunch of purple flowers- and then slap her around the face with it!

Love poetry, although a favorite of the Norse gods, was viewed with suspicion. In fact, Icelandic law forbade skalds to compose Mannsong, (‘maiden songs’) for women who were not married to them under the threat of outlawry or death. This suspicion came about because the Norse believed that the poems could act as spells to seduce and bind women. Worse still, such praises could suggest that the skald or his patron knew the lady more intimately than he should.

Even if they were not in love before the wedding, the couple would try and cultivate it afterward. Husbands would seat their wives next to them if they wanted to show affection. Couples could also express their closeness by sharing the same drinking horn. If a husband were feeling very affectionate, he would ˜put her on his lap’ where he and his wife could indulge in “kyssir hana’ – a kiss and a cuddle. Or he would put his head on her lap, and she would stroke his hair.

Good personal hygiene was a must

Central to making a good impression on a potential or actual partner was good personal hygiene and pride in one’s appearance. This practice applied to both men and women. Norse graves are packed with grooming essentials for the afterlife- regardless of whether they belonged to a man or a woman. Combs, toothpicks, tweezers and ear spoons were all familiar, demonstrating the Norse liked to be neat and tidy-and clean. The Arab, Ibn Fadlan may have felt horror at the Viking practice of sharing a communal wash bowl, but at least his Norse acquaintances washed their face and combed their hair daily.

In fact, the Norse were probably the cleanest people in the Dark Ages. According to the Saxon cleric, John of Wallingford, they bathed weekly, on a Saturday. Wallingford complained that this, and their habit of changing their clothes regularly, was to “ undermine the virtue of married women and even seduce the daughters of nobles to be their mistresses.” However, the Norse were not content merely to be neat and tidy. Ibn Fadlan also noted the Rus- Viking traders who occupied what is now modern Russia-favored bleaching their beards to a saffron yellow, using a strong lye soap.

This method was probably also used on the hair of men and women. Norse women would have been particularly keen on achieving the long, fair, shiny hair that was the feminine ideal, although the white skin that men also coveted was probably only managed by the wealthy. Men also favored long hair, as only slaves wore their hair close cropped. However, this did not mean they were unkept. Figurines show Viking men wearing their hair trimmed and their beards well groomed- either styled to a point or shaped as a goatee.

Finally, there was the question of clothing. When it came to making an impact, the Norse liked to dress to impress. As well as being clean, garments were brightly colored and adorned with the most costly array of jewelry you could afford. Cloak pins and arm rings all showed off status, impressing the object of your desire not only with your appearance but your wealth and prospects in life.

Sex before marriage was acceptable

It wasn’t always possible to marry the one you loved - or lusted after. The sagas make constant reference to “the illicit love visit.” In such cases, a young couple, forbidden from marrying would meet in secret. The sagas never mention sex occurring. However, it is highly unlikely the young man would risk a secret tryst simply to ˜talk’ to the object of his affections. The lovers, however, were said to ˜enjoy’ each other. A document detailing a wife’s dissatisfaction with her impotent husband because she couldn’t ˜enjoy‘ him suggests this is a term linked to sexual fulfilment.

Indeed, although female virginity was the ideal, it was just about acceptable for a woman to have had sexual relationships before her marriage-with certain provisos. First, she needed to have been discrete and not too prolific in her pre martial encounters. However, most importantly, she should not have had any children out of wedlock. This restriction was not for moral reasons. Illegitimate sons could become their father’s heirs- if he recognized them. Rather, society censured Illegitimacy because of the burden it placed on the maternal family, not because it was deemed wrong or shameful.

Illegitimate children were the responsibility of the mother’s family- and so a burden to it. It was they who ultimately supported the child. Even if the father acknowledged his child, he and his family were only obliged to provide two-thirds of its support. Worse yet, the mother probably lost all hope of marriage, as few men would want to take on the responsibility and expense of another man’s child. Thus her family would lose out further as she would gain no bride price and no family alliance. Thus chastity was often the safest bet.

For men, sex outside marriage posed no such strictures. They were free to indulge themselves however they pleased-as long as they submitted to marriage in the end. For to remain unmarried in Norse society was unacceptable. A man accused of shunning wedlock was said to be ˜fleeing from the vagina.’ Women who did the same were “fleeing from the penis.’ Such people risked becoming social outcasts because they were not fulfilling their ultimate role: the procreation of children for the survival of their families and society.

Homosexuality was acceptable- with limits

Pre Christian Norse views on homosexuality weren’t simple. On the face of it, Norse society accepted sexual relationships between men. However, there were restrictions. Firstly, such relationships could not interfere with any future or current marriage. So the man still had to marry- whatever his views on the opposite sex- and his wife and her family had to be prepared to ignore her husband’s male lover or lovers. It was most important that the man did not neglect his conjugal duties. He still needed to have sex with his wife.

More important was that no free Norse man was the passive partner in a homosexual relationship. Vikings would rape males and females when on raiding trips to shame, degrade and weaken them. To be penetrated was to be submissive. It was acceptable to gain pleasure from penetrating someone- but not from being penetrated yourself. One of the worst insults an enemy could hurl at a Norse man was “sordinn” (penetrated). Any man branded as such would fight to the death defend his honor. These conflicts led to Scandinavian law codes making such types of insult illegal because of the bloodshed, with the slanderer often outlawed- if the injured party didn’t kill him first!

However, if such abuse was believed or proven, it had grave consequences for the man in question. Although Norse myths tell of gods such as Loki and even Odin taking on a submissive role in sex, Norse mortal society did not tolerate passivity in men. The man in question would become a social outcast, branded "ergi” (unmanly). Such men were believed to lack the ability to be vital and virile members of society. They were deemed liable to be ineffectual as fathers and fighters- and as such of no use. Dominant homosexuals were quite another matter.

There is no mention of lesbianism in the tales. Nor are there any references in other Old Norse texts to female homosexual relationships, so we cannot gauge pre-Christian attitudes to female homosexuality. However, Icelandic Christian law suggests lesbianism did occur in Norse society. In the 12th century, Bishop Porlakr Porhallson decreed “if women satisfy each other they shall be ordered the same penance as men who perform the most hideous adultery between them or with a quadruped.”

The Eddas and some of the sagas also specifically mention Freja having sex with other women. In fact at a banquet Loki accused her of having slept all the other Aesir at one time or another, a claim which Freja never denied.

Some Viking Marriage customs survive today

The Norse held their weddings on a Friday, the day of Frigg, the goddess of marriage and fertility. The time of the year was also crucial. Late summer or autumn were the preferred times. This period of the year was harvest time, a time of abundance and plenty. A good supply of meat, fruit, and grain was essential to ensure an amply provisioned wedding feast.

One beverage was of particular importance. The ˜bridal ale’ was first consumed in a loving cup by the bride and groom at the marriage feast. The couple would use the mead-like brew to seal their union with a toast to Odin and Freya. The bridal ale was brewed with a good deal of honey, to ensure the fertility of the newlyweds. Their families gifted the couple with enough of this sweet beer to last them a month- a custom that gives us the modern term ˜honeymoon.’

Before the wedding, both bride and groom took a ritual steam bath. Although they did not wear special clothes for the wedding, both wore specific tokens on their special day. For the bride, this was a floral wreath upon her head. For the groom, it was a sword, purposely robbed from one of his family’s burial mounds (or an old family sword buried in a fake mound that he ritually disinterred.) This sword was presented to the bride at the exchange of vows, as a way of making her a custodian of his family line.

As is common today, the bride and groom exchanged rings- both finger rings and arm rings as they spoke their vows. Once the ceremony was complete, the “brud hlaup” occurred. This was a race run by both wedding parties to the feasting hall. Whoever arrived last served the ale. But before the bride could enter, she had to be escorted over the threshold by the groom. The Norse, like many pagan peoples, believed thresholds were dangerous places for in transition to a new stage in their life.

The groom would then thrust a new sword, a gift from his bride, into the central pillar of the house. The depth of the resulting cut was used to determine the success of their union. Then, after the feast, eight witnesses lighted the bridal couple to bed. The groom then removed the bridal wreath from the bride- a ritual deflowering before the real event.

Viking Sexual Euphemisms

The Vikings could be quite ˜direct’ about certain matters. However, they could also be rather coy about sex – or at least, so their stories suggest. The sagas had various ways to refer to sex that describe it in a rather round about way. A man about to have sex with a woman was said to ˜turn towards’ her, “laying his hand/arm/thigh ” on her. The rest was up to the audience’s imagination. However, what was clear was the man was in charge. He took the lead. His partner followed.

Once the action warmed up, the sagas implied the increased activity in similarly guarded terms. A couple in the throes of passion would ˜crowd together in bed” (hviluthrong) and ‘enjoy each other. ‘ If things were particularly raunchy, the tales would describe the man as enjoying a good old brolta a maga or ˜romp on her belly’ or describe the couple as ˜travelling together.” Once they had exhausted themselves, the couple spent the aftermath at ˜hvila meth henna ” (rest with her), or he would ˜amuse one’s self.’ This activity referred to him enjoying a quiet conversation or game of cards with his partner.

However, the everyday terms used by the Vikings were probably not quite so reserved, judging by sexual words they have bequeathed to modern times. The Old Norse ˜thviet’ for a cut or slit began life as a sexual euphemism for a particular part of the female anatomy. Gradually it evolved into the old English ˜thwat’ and later into the more familiar twat which is used today as a term of abuse. The same occurred with another Old Norse word for the female genitals “Kunta’.

However, not all euphemisms were this crude. In contrast to these rather basic sexual terms, the Old Norse for sexual desire was “munuth.” This word derives from the root word for love “mun‘ and that of thought or memory ˜hugr,’ making the sexual impulse a ˜love thought.’ So perhaps the Vikings could be romantic souls after all.

Adultery was acceptable for Viking men, but not their wives

Many Norse men adored their wives, judging by the last words of one man just before he was hung:

” Happy am I to have won the joy of such a consort; ” said the condemned man of his wife. “I shall not go down basely in loneliness to the gods of Tartarus. So let the encircling bonds grip my throat in the midst; the final anguish shall bring with it pleasure only, since the certain hope remains of renewed love, and death shall prove to have its own delights. Each world holds joy, and in the twin regions shall the repose of our united souls win fame, our equal faithfulness in love “(Saxo Grammaticus)

Sadly, however, not everyone practiced “faithfulness in love” The basic requirement of a Norse man was to produce children with his wife. He was not, however, obliged to be faithful. Norse men could keep concubines known as frilles – lower status women who they did not marry and who lived with the man and his wife. According to Adam of Breman, a man could keep as many frilles as he could afford. Society regarded any children from these liaisons as legitimate.

Norse men also kept bed slaves. These unfortunate women had little choice in whether or not they lay with their master. Nor was it a great advantage to be the master’s favorite. Ibn Fadlan described witnessing a Viking funeral where the favoured bed slave of the deceased man was killed to accompany him to the afterlife. However, the one taboo liaison for a Norseman was to lie with another man’s wife. For this, he could be fined or killed.

Wives, however, were expected to remain faithful, probably because of the possibility of falling pregnant with a child that was not her husband’s. It’s unlikely that every wife did remain constant. However, if anyone caught a woman being unfaithful, the penalties varied. At best, her hair would be cut off. At worst, she could be divorced or fined- or killed. Adam of Breman even states that she could be enslaved.

Viking women could divorce their husbands

Viking women may have had to put up with their spouse’s affairs. However, they didn’t have to put up with their husbands ‘until death‘. Although a Norse wife could not divorce her husband for being unfaithful, there were other circumstances where it was perfectly acceptable. If her husband hit her, a woman could fine him. If he abused her in front of witnesses, not only did the fine apply, but his wife could divorce him after the third blow.

There were also various sexual reasons why a wife could divorce a husband. Men who dressed in feminine clothing such as low cut shirts, for instance, could be cast off, as could those who were homosexual- even if they were the dominant partner. A wife could object to the lack of discretion in homosexual liaisons – or the attention they distracted from her relationship with her spouse. In each case, the now ex-wife could claim back her original dowry and any inheritances she received during the marriage.

Another, perhaps surprising reason for divorce was if a man did not satisfy his wife sexually. A man who had refused to have sex with his wife for three years could be set aside. Likewise, if he could not perform or was leaving his wife sexually unfulfilled, he was at risk of being divorced. For if a couple wasn’t having sex, they weren’t producing children. Also, an unhappy marriage bred bitterness and resentment that could boil over into violence and family feuds. So it was better for a sexually unsatisfied woman to look elsewhere for a partner.

Judging by the sagas, it was the women who generally instigated divorce. All that was required was for them to assemble witnesses, cite their reasons and declare themselves divorced. This had to occur three times: in their bedroom, in front of the house and before a public assembly. It was Norse women’s one significant freedom. For if they were to remain tied to one man, run his home and land and put up with his lovers, the least they could expect was satisfying sex life.

[sirikenobi12]

This Capt' goes down with her Ship

I’m honestly amazed at how many messages I receive both here and on Twitter that ask me why I ship Obi-Wan with Siri Tachi over Satine Kryze. I guess I’m mostly amazed because I can’t believe people actually care enough to take the time to message me about my character preferences, that’s just really fascinating to me. 

But, since I’m getting tired of writing this out in individual messages I thought perhaps a blog would be a good idea so that way I can just reference/link them to it later - it’ll be much easier. So, bear with me while I get a little self indulgent (and Satine stans please don’t come at me, I will explain below how I really have nothing against Obitine). 

This is going to be really long, and I’m not expecting anyone to actually read this, but here we go! 

I’ll begin by answering questions that are sitting in my inbox:

1. Who the hell is Siri Tachi?? For those who don’t know the character of Siri Tachi, she was a female Jedi who was two years younger than Obi-Wan. She was originally from the Legends young reader book series Jedi Apprentice and Jedi Quest (written by Jude Watson). She was in many of the same Padawan classes as Obi-Wan even though she was two years his junior because of her advanced skills. She could hold her own against him in a lightsaber duel even as they grew up. She was chosen as an apprentice to Jedi Council Member Adi Gallia at age 11 which was very impressive given how young she was and the fact that a Council Member chose her.

(I don’t know why she looks like Brittany Spears in this drawing, not my fave)

She did have a hard time fitting in with her peers when she was younger though because she was so focused on her career as a Jedi which didn’t always make her the friendliest person to be around (it was really her masking her insecurities) and it was only after she was paired on several missions with Obi-Wan that they even became friends. 

She and Obi-Wan over the years grew very close and eventually discovered their feelings had crossed the line from friends to something more while on a mission when they were older Padawans (Obi was 18). They had been separated from their masters and nearly died while on that mission. So, before they “died” they each confessed their love to the other, but when it turned out they didn’t actually die they decided they’d wait and figure out what their relationship actually meant once the mission was over - putting duty above their feelings. But Qui-Gon and Yoda intervene before the two of them could have the conversation and the Masters reminded Obi-Wan of his dedication to the Jedi Order. Obi-Wan argued that he and Siri would be able to find a way to be together while still being active Jedi, that maybe they could be an exception to the rule or even change the rule entirely. Both he and Siri did end up choosing their commitment to the Jedi over their relationship in the end, because each of them realized they’d regret not being Jedi more than anything, but it did put a strain on their friendship for many years. 

At 23 Siri was secretly knighted and her first solo mission was sent undercover to infiltrate and take down a huge pirate slaver operation and she spent 4 years on that mission, all on her own with limited communication with the Council.

In order to do this she had to pretend to have a falling out with her Master and “leave” the Order entirely, everyone thought she had fallen to the dark side. Obi-Wan was devastated, and he spent several months looking for her because he refused to believe she’d actually fall. It was also clear that he was heartbroken that she left, especially knowing what they had given up in order to be Jedi. Upon ending the mission she returned to the Jedi and was then often sent on other undercover missions throughout the rest of her career (including one where she and Obi-Wan had to play a royal married couple which was super cute). Her actually being a Jedi Shadow is not official and is a fanfiction creation - but, it’s one that I 100% headcanon because it just makes sense. 

Siri was very different when she returned from her long undercover mission, she had lived as a pirate for 4 years and so she was not as uptight and rule bound as she had been in her youth. She began to wear tight unisuits/flight suits instead of the traditional Jedi tunics and she had grown to be a bit more irreverent - even showing up late to Jedi Council summons.  Obi-Wan didn’t seem to mind the change and the two became a formidable pair as Knights and they were sent together (with their Padawans who hated one another) on several missions.

Obi-Wan and Siri were always written as being equals, never one more powerful than the other. They often shared flirtatious banter (nothing new for Obi-Wan) and they seemed very much in sync on missions that it was clear they shared some kind of bond. They never seemed to let their failed romance stand between them and their duty, and only brought it up once more as adults to admit that they still loved each other, but were content to just be friends because it would be selfish of them to turn their backs on the Jedi simply for their love. Then upon Siri’s untimely death (she of course died in his arms) she told him that she’d always be with him. And he nearly fell to the dark side due to his anger, but stopped himself from killing the man who was responsible for Siri’s death because he knew she’d not want him to fall because of her. 

In canon there isn’t much about her (yet), except that Siri is said to be the girl Obi-Wan would hold hands with under the table during mid-day meals which suggests that they had a bit of a secret affair/flirtation for many years.

2. Why don’t you like Satine? This is a bit of a loaded question because even though I tend to write fics centered more on Obi-Wan and Siri’s relationship doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy the character of Satine or that I don’t swoon over their relationship from time to time thanks to some very well written fics ( @mahizli​ I’m looking your way). I just tend to write Siri more than Satine because I can relate to Siri more as a character, but in truth I also feel Siri and Obi-Wan’s relationship is a bit more well rounded than his and Satine’s 

*ducks to avoid things being thrown at her*. 

Satine and Obi-Wan have a beautiful love story, don’t get me wrong. But for me personally I am a little sick of the Romeo & Juliette/star crossed lovers angle. And that’s totally what they are - She’s a Mandalorian, He’s a Jedi, it’s a forbidden love not just because of his code, but because their “families” were mortal enemies. And I guess I’m just not super inspired by it. Not to mention that they met as children (apparently only 15 years old according to canon), confessed their undying love for one another after a year of knowing one another in a life or death situation and then pined for each other for the next 20 years until they were reunited...I just have a very hard time finding this story relatable (and hate to say it, plausible). Not that they couldn’t have felt love for one another as teenagers (especially in that situation), but that they still felt that same level of love 20 years later without ever seeing one another...at least with Siri they still had to interact with one another on a regular basis so it would be harder to push those feelings aside. 

The other reason I have a hard time writing Satine and Obi-Wan is because the romantic love they seem to have in TCW is written to be very one sided in my opinion. While Obi-Wan clearly cares for her, and admits to having feelings for her at one time it’s only ever Satine who actually seems to want something with him in the current sense. Which honestly makes their relationship feels a bit cringy to me, it doesn’t feel like it’s on equal footing - and makes it seem like Satine is a bit obsessive (I don’t blame her, it is Obi-Wan after all). This is a similar argument I have about Padme’s character, I feel like we’re presented with these incredibly strong women characters who for whatever reason still fall apart when it comes to love...I think it’s a reflection of men trying to write women and it ends up being a bit of a fantasy (the sexy/badass woman who secretly needs a man to save her). So, to sum up - I really do  love Satine’s character outside of her relationship with Obi-Wan. 

Again, this is just MY interpretation of Satine and Obi-Wan’s relationship...I get other people tend to feel very differently and that’s wonderful!! 

I will say, the thing I do like about Obi-Wan and Satine’s relationship and very much appreciate is how it is an opposite parallel to Anakin and Padme’s relationship. And it shows what a Jedi should’ve done - how you can’t have both a commitment to the Jedi Order and a marriage, but you can still care deeply about another person. I do very much appreciate that aspect of their relationship and it’s very well done from that perspective.

3. So, why SiriWan after all these years? Well, I’m drawn to Obi-Wan and Siri’s relationship for several reasons, but mostly because they are written as equals/partners (as I had mentioned above), both have moments where you can see the love they hold for one another - their feelings are very much shared and not one sided, but above all it’s not the main defining factor of their relationship. They are Jedi and friends before anything else, and I love that! It may not be as flashy or maybe even as passionate as say Satine or Cody but to me it’s more full and well rounded. I can also see their relationship growing and changing over the years, they aren’t stuck in one place or in the past.  

I also tend to find the Jedi culture more fascinating than the Mandalorians. I know, I know, I’m a heretic. That’s not to say, again that I don’t think Satine on her own isn’t fascinating, I just am a little tired of Mandalore’s importance in virtually every aspect of Star Wars these days and I feel like there is only so much you can do with Obi-Wan having feelings for a Mandalorian, where as him navigating a relationship with another Jedi is more interesting. The Jedi are allowed to be intimate with people, contrary to popular belief they are allowed to love, they just can’t become possessive/attached - I feel like two Jedi would have an easier time navigating that than someone who wasn’t raised with that same code. I think Siri and Obi-Wan have more opportunities to have a more realistic and adult relationship and I like writing/exploring that. 

The other thing I like about Siri and Obi-Wan specifically is the fact that neither ever really considered leaving the Order for the other. They knew how important being a Jedi was to the other, and I think having a love interest that Obi-Wan didn’t consider leaving for is an important distinction. 

Instead he thought they would be able to change the rules/code because he assumed it would be obvious that their love was pure and not an attachment. Now, obviously they both realized later that it was just foolish/young love talking (because I’m sure teenagers have to be extra careful of forming attachments), but what I really adore the concept that Obi-Wan “by the code” Kenobi had loved Siri so much that he’d even remotely consider the idea that he’d want the rules to change for her/them (and Siri “by the code” Tachi felt the same about him). There is something incredibly romantic about that - naïve, but romantic. 

I also believe that romantic love doesn’t automatically equal “true love”. I personally feel that Obi-Wan and Siri have a love that is on such a deep level that their relationship doesn’t always have to be romantic. They simply just love one another, in whatever form that takes at any given period in time throughout their lives, sometimes it takes the form of just friends, sometimes lovers, sometimes romantic. And I wish we saw more relationships like that in various media. But I get why we don’t, they are harder to write and less overtly sexy/dramatic.

Also, when someone says the phrase:

“Forgive me if I still think I know you better than anyone.” (Siri)

And it’s followed immediately with:

“You do”  (Obi-Wan)

My heart just melts, because that to me is love!!

4. So, you actually think Obi-Wan loved both Siri & Satine? Yes, I do...100%. I think they all loved other people at different points in their lives. I personally feel that most of Obi-Wan’s various ships (with exceptions of Master/Padawan ships...sorry, just not my bag) actually happened. I could see a young Obi-Wan having a fling with Quinlan Vos (I doubt they could handle more than that), I could definitely see him have an attraction/affection towards Cody (I don’t think given the power dynamic Obi-Wan would ever allow anything to actually happen between them though), I even believe he and Ventress had a rather confusing and passionate night together (maybe even more than one), I can see him easily having a relationship at one point with Taria Damsin (to which Siri would give him endless crap about because he seems to have a thing for Jedi Shadows). I’m sure he even had a relationship with Annileen on Tatooine to help find some comfort during his exile. To me all of that makes so much more sense than him (and Satine) pining away for one another for 20+ years. 

Allowing Obi-Wan to have multiple loves in his life also helps showcase the idea of non-attachment. It’s not that Jedi promote promiscuity - though they won’t judge anyone for it (I see the Jedi very much in the mindset of: it’s your body/your choice) it’s that the idea of attachment means possessing someone, thinking you own someone and also putting that person’s value over others. The idea that Obi-Wan could find love and value in a multitude of lovers to me shows him capable of loving without attachment - He is able to let these people go when the relationship has run its course...it’s very healthy. 

Not to mention that realistically people tend to have multiple relationships and loves throughout their lives. To only ever love one person is incredibly unrealistic, unhealthy and frankly screams attachment to me *cough Anakin, cough*.

In conclusion: If you’re still reading this (did you not have anything better to do with your time???) I do hope you have a bit more of an understanding why I personally like to write Obi-Wan and Siri’s relationship instead of his and Satine’s. Though if you read my fics (thank you if you do) I hope you realize that I try to not make the stories all about their relationship - yes, it pops up here and there, but I try not to make it the focal point. I believe both Obi-Wan and Siri are so much more than just a romance and that’s what I really love writing. 

But I raise a glass and toast all of those who prefer to ship Obitine or CodyWan or Ventrobi (or whatever Obi-Wan and Quilan’s ship name is) - I love reading your take on those relationships and I hope you don’t mind if an old SiriWan shipper joins the fun!

Phew, rant over...man, does anyone else have to defend their OTP preferences to strangers?? It’s just so odd to me! 

Thanks for reading, and if you’re a Siri, Obi-Wan or SiriWan fan drop me a line - I can seriously talk about them for hours! 

[thefairyletters]

Ask me a ship and I'll tell you:

NaruSaku

Who proposed to the other first?

Naruto.

It took several practice sessions with Iruka (because Sasuke refused) pretending to be Sakura for Naruto to master the trick of kneeling and presenting the ring with an air of confidence. But when it mattered, Naruto tipped over his shoelaces (he never worn formal attire ever), accidently knocked over the table (somehow) and bumped straight into Sakura (some ninja he was), and that was how both got kicked out of the very expensive restaurant for causing ruckus.

But when Sakura said she thought "formal proposals were overrated anyway", he took her to Ichiraku, looked her dead in the eye while slurping on ramen, passed her the ring and popped the question illegibly.

Sakura understood anyway and threw a ring she brought for him on his face. She never said 'yes' but she didn't need to.

Who kissed the other first?

Naruto.

It was during a mission. They almost got caught by enemy guards (thanks to Naruto who doesn't know what it means to whisper) while they were following their target. Naruto did the only thing that would have possibly given them an edge. He pulled her to shade and initiated the kiss. Sakura only made sure they looked very convincing. Regardless to say, they got (kicked) out from the location, but without damage.

Later, this kiss inspired many more kisses that they began to steal from each other in the dark.

Who gives a good-morning kiss to other?

Sakura.

Although Naruto is always in bliss whenever Sakura stays night at his place and he is always up early if only to see her wake, it is Sakura who, when she wakes up, sleepily, kisses him first and gets out of the bed to prepare for the day. He always remain in bed until the shower is turned on.

Who likes to play with other's hair?

Naruto.

Between two of them, they both know it is Naruto's hair that is much softer to touch. It wasn't always like that of course.

But Naruto has always found Sakura's hair to be the prettiest thing he's ever seen. The way sunshine would turn it gold, and moonlight silver, has always amazed him. He would give special attention to her hair whenever they'd make love and cuddle. Once Sakura asked if he loved her only for her hair, which he doesn't refute, much to Sakura's chargin and amusement.

Who likes to play footsies?

Sakura.

There was something innately sexy about Sakura's arms and legs. It could be that she's got the best built – one that is lean and strong all the same – out of their peers. Naruto's breath hitch every time those legs brush his and her heels trace an imaginary line on his calves. They know they should focus on the meeting. They know it was inappropriate for a Hokage to be distracted in the middle of the what could be a very important meeting. But they also know his very playful and intelligent wife was adept at takes noting of everything. Everything.

Who is the dominant one?

Kurama.

As much as Sakura loves to be on the top, it becomes hard when a demon houses in your lover's body. More often than not, Kurama who more or less has become a part of their relationship would take over Naruto's body whenever Sakura would cross a particular threshold of dominance tolerated to her. Apparently, it was insulting for an alpha male like Kurama to be taken from above by a mere mortal woman, even if the said woman was his host's wife. Not that it was his body she was making love to in first place.

It's only because Naruto could feel everything even when Kurama takes his body that they put up with his sexism. Besides, Sakura doesn't mind.

Who likes to keep a picture of the other with them all the time?

Both.

They each wear a necklace bearing each other's photo inside, to remind themselves of the times they were missing out on, of their significant other waiting for them at return home, to keep them company for the late nights when they get too busy with their duties.

Who likes to buy the other gifts?

Naruto.

He always send his clones to get Sakura flowers to cheer her up on days he hears about loss in the hospital. He often requests Gaara for new poisons he knows Sakura will enjoy in her lab. He takes her out on dates even after years of marriage – particularly to that very expensive restaurant, where he had planned to propose to her, that had kicked them out. They act deliberately loud in that one, but they don't get kicked out of course. Nobody minds what you do when you have power.

Most days, they don't send gifts for one another not because they couldn't but because those things don't spark joy in the face of the brighter things. Like, when Sakura comes to pick him up from office after her late shift, knowing he would still be cooped up in his office because he lost track of time.

Who takes initiative in making physical contact?

Sakura.

She would hit him whenever he would make a mistake, forget something important, or skip meals. Then, next moment she would be patting him like he were a dog, kiss his woes away and be on her merry way. She would come to his office to check if he had his lunch, and would force feed him if he hadn't (more often than not). She would drag him out of his office if he isn't home by 12 or would stay and help him until the work is done. She wasn't gentle nor romantic by any stretch, but she would always touch him for one reason or other.

Who plans their dates?

Naruto.

His clones come in handy. They'd scout the area and report back their findings. Naruto would jot it all down, highlighting their specialities, an habit Shikamaru and Sakura drilled into him, and allows Sakura to make her choice for their next date. Life is simple for them when it comes to making choices. It is when they are together that life becomes exciting.

Who was shy on their first date?

Neither.

Their first date had been no different than any normal meetups they've had before. Except with lingering touches, an innocent kiss turned make up session, and a hug.

Who wakes up the other?

Before marriage: Naruto would wake up first and help Sakura get started on her day – would make her coffee just the way she liked, set her outfit out by the vanity, make sure her bag is set just so she doesn't miss her files, and make bath for them. He would join her on the bed, and wait for her to wake up so he could get his prize for his hardwork.

After marriage: They'd both be too exhausted to find energy in them to wake up. Sakura would be the first to get out of the bed, but only after giving Naruto his customary kiss, and would set bath for them. Her husband would still be lost to the world so she would carry his sleepy ass into bath and prepare him for the day so they could once again be on their way to face the world.

Who was shy in taking their relationship to next level?

Sakura.

When Naruto and Sakura engaged in a kiss that was more passionate than they ever experienced before, Sakura knew what was coming. Her mind was a turmoil of emotions that had nothing to do with the heat that flared inside her body.

Sakura was no stranger to kisses. She liked – no, loved – kissing Naruto senseless. She could think of hundred ways that could make Naruto respond to her with only a kiss, and she loved that he loved kissing her. But, her body was her vulnerability. She could think hard but still would draw blank if it's about telling one positive detail about her body. Naruto always looked at her like she was the only woman in the world – and while the sentiment was flattering, it meant expectations. She was terrified of disappointing him. She didn't want to consider the possibility of him finding her body undesirable. They were dating, not married. He had no ties to her, he was free to find someone who he'd be attracted to, a better life, with someone who'd be a lot, lot better than her. She loved him, and she knew he loved her, but the chances of her messing this up were astronomical and –

Naruto pulled away from the kiss to look at her, to understand why she froze in his arms. He didn't understand the reason behind her anxiety – why she would freeze whenever his hands would inch a little too close to her chest or a little below her hips – so he did what she really wanted him to: stop.

One night, Sakura murmured her fears into his ears and Naruto, who had never seen her look so timid and breakable, gave her what she needed the most: time.

Time until marriage so she wouldn't have a reason to be afraid.

Who hogs up the blankets in their sleep?

Naruto.

When it happened for the nth time, Sakura threatened to kick Naruto out of the bed with only his dear blankets to shelter him from cold. He nodded his consent of course, but it repeated the next day and the day after, too, but Sakura is nothing if not adaptable, so she has thus learnt to keep another blanket on her side of the bed so she doesn't die in her sleep on cold mornings.

Who is easy to get jealous?

Sakura.

You can't help some things from happening when your boyfriend-turned-husband is a war-hero, as Sakura learnt it one week into her dating him. While she isn't bothered per se – being considered quite a hit among men and popular across countries herself – but there is a bold line between people admiring your lover and people feeling up your lover.

It is only because her reputation and her glare which is known to promise suffering that people scurry away from Naruto whenever she is in the vicinity.

No, Sakura is just worried for Naruto. She knows her husband wouldn't try things if he knows what's best for him.

Who cooks in the house?

Naruto.

Sakura can't cook rice to save her life. Period. Everyone in team 7 is well-aware about her inability to be domestic in general. Naruto finds it endearing most of the times– times when she is not attempting to make him her test subject for her culinary experiments.

They don't need chef to make them dinner when they return home, Naruto always makes sure to send a clone to make them dinner. Sakura has more than once told him that she was the luckiest woman in the world to have him as her husband. He makes them fresh bentos through clones. He tries new recipes whenever he gets a day off and surprises Sakura with his skills. Their sundays involve just them and their kitchen.

Sakura still insists on making them dinner whenever she could. She learnt to make a decent ramen after a month long – disastrous – training from Ayame. Although Sakura always adds too much of something, Naruto always licks his bowl clean because to him her ramen is only second to Ichiraku.

Who 'protects' and who 'nurtures'?

Sakura protects him.

Naruto nurtures her.

.

.

.

(Ask me a ship! But not in the comments section lol)

[the-goddess-of-mischief-writing]

Can I request a Loki X female reader, his wife. There in bed sleeping and Loki has a nightmare that Thanos gets her and he's powerless to stop him, he wakes up and wakes her up to make sure she is okay but she isn't breathing and Loki has to help her. Unless it makes you uncomfortable 🙂

A/N: Sorry for the late response nony, I’ve been sick the last month and haven't had the time, or clear enough mind tbh, to write your request. But, anyways, here you have it, hope you’re ready for pure angst. (PSA; Includes near death experience which may be triggering for some)

Living Nightmare

Albeit the blade to his throat, Loki tried reaching forward. But it was useless, hence before he even could get close to you, he felt the edge of the weapon pierce his skin, making droplets of blood fall the length of his neck.

"Please, release her", his voice was meagre, as he for a second switched to look up at the capturer. He had thought he never would see him again, the warlord, Thanos. He had lived peacefully long before he even married you. But he thought, after the day he officially was able to call you his, maybe fate would've spared him his past crimes. But it seemed all had been an illusion, a play of his peaceful and neglecting mind. Because now he stood there, out of reach to save you in the titans grasp.

You looked so puny, with his long sworn enemy's hand fisted around your neck. He could see your stuttering breaths leave your chest, but as the titan let out a low rumble, a sound inclining he laughed, he heard a strangled gasp leave you.

"The almighty Loki, already begging", a grin crossed Thanos face as he flexed his fingers to ease his grip again. In the sound of you gulping down as much air as you could, he continued. "All because of a mortal, who had thought?" The titan turned you to him and immediately Loki saw your body tense, fear rolling off you in waves as your captor raised his other hand.

One of his fingers gently tucked a strand of your hair that had shielded your face behind your ear. The action made the god of mischief grit his teeth. He had no right touching you the way he did, clutching your throat, having the life of you in his hands. He owned even less right to touch you as gently and caring as he just had. But just as Loki was about to lash out, try and tear away from those holding him in place, Thanos made you face him again.

"You are at your wit's end, god of mischief", the titan clutched your throat harder once more. This time you couldn't stop your hands from flying up and trying to ease the grip. Loki saw the urgency burning brighter in your eyes now as they met his in a hurried glance.

"Darling, look at me, please look at me", he said as soon as your eyes started flitting around the space, in what he understood was waining faith. Nevertheless, the moment your gaze merged with his once more, he saw you calm the tiniest bit. "You'll be fine, I promise you", though you tried concentrating on his voice, the voice appearing beside your head drowned Loki's.

"Have you not learned everything coming from him is lies", it was like a snake hissed it in your ear, low and only for you to hear. You felt the giant's words etch itself into your gut, whilst your heart pained when hearing your lover be called something he never been with you. He was not a liar.

"No!" Loki screamed, seeing the way the sword pierced through your body. Your face scrunched up and halted the movement your mouth began, words dying before they left you. He saw the momentary shock spread over your futures as you followed the place he looked at.

Blood coated the blade red as your trembling hands touched the metal. The move was sluggish and when you looked up to him again, he noticed how your eyelids started closing. Blood dripped past your lips as your lungs seemed to fill with the red liquid. Despite all his urge to rush towards you, Loki couldn't do more than witness how the strength left your body as you swayed in your place.

Thanos must have noticed your rapidly lowering pulse or, more likely, the way you became too unsteady to hold yourself up, because he let go. The disappearance of the sole force holding you upright made you stumble forward. Your action made the blade slip out of you and immediately you clutched the wound. But it was no use, a flush of red passed your fingers and coated your steadily pailing limbs.

It was with a whimper and last pitying look at him, you fell. Time slowed down as Loki watch your body plunge forward, although the second you were to connect with the hard and unforgiving ground, everything froze.

With a start Loki jolted awake, sitting upright in the bed. He felt his shirt cling to his body, drops of sweat rolling down the nape of his neck. Which all together made his hair stick to his skin. His mind reeled, while his breath heaved, as he replayed the nightmare in his mind. You had died.

Swiftly looking to his side, he saw your slumped form resting beside him. You were there, unharmed.

"Love, are you awake?" His coarse voice was followed by a soft kiss on your shoulder as he leaned over your form.

It was something he always did when the nightmares plagued him, seeking refuge in your company. It was something about your caring touch and calming words that eased his mind. Thus it had become a routine. When he would awaken from horrors, he would also wake you up.

"Love?" Loki mumbled as you didn't stir from your sleep and kept being turned away from him. He knew you should've woken up by now because you were a light sleeper. But when seeing no reaction, a worry etched onto his features. "Y/N?" He gently pushed on your shoulder, so you turned to lay fully on your back.

As soon as you did, he saw your face. Instead of looking peaceful as it usually did when sleeping, it looked... emotionless. Cold. He felt his pulse quicken as his eyes started to flicker over your face until it travelled to your chest. It was then he noticed, it didn't move. It felt like someone dunked him in cold water as he jumped into a seated position.

"Do you hear me?" He gently patted the side of your face, but more than making it gently rock to the side, it didn't elicit any other reaction. "Y/N!" Loki shook your shoulders, the same panic he felt in his dream returning. Only now everything happening was real.

Without any hesitation, he leaned forward, closed his finger over your nose and connected his lips to yours. It was no kiss, but instead, a move of pushing his exhaled into your mouth. However, with a hasty glance towards your chest, he saw it still didn't move, so he moved to begin with compressions.

Come one darling, breath from me, the god continuously mumbled as he repeated the set of moves. However, no matter his tries, he never felt a change.

It was from pure dread of your unaltered state, he raked his brain for a spell or purely something to help you. Loki didn't know if it was from fear, or that he simply didn't have a spell that could work, but he fumbled fruitlessly through his memory.

"No, no, no!" His voice cracked as it entered a high pitch, flawed by the same fear he had in his dream. This couldn't be true, it couldn't, but it was. Despite his tries to help you nothing happened, for once, or maybe twice this night, the god of mischief felt helpless.

But then, suddenly, something happened. Loki felt how his breath didn't easily flow down to your lungs, but how a pressure met it. This made him retreat, lean away to watch you from where he knelt at your side.

It was violent, the way your chest suddenly heaved as you gulped down air, despite your throat turning it into a cough on the exhale. But it was a violence Loki couldn't but shred tears at, thus, at least it was a reaction.

Though the procedure repeated itself and showed no effects of decreasing the nearest future, you sat up. Immidielty your hand sought the god's, which he quickly gave to you. You clutched it hard enough for your nails to press half-moons into his skin, but he couldn't care any less.

What Loki focused on, however, was how he felt your chilled fingers returning to their natural temperature. He also noticed the colour returning to your face, even though it may have been more flushed than usually thanks to your jerking movement.

It was relief that flooded his body as he witnessed you slowly but surely regain your breath. He wanted to hug you, kiss you, thank you for returning to him. Though at the moment he could do nothing but stare silently.

Not until your arm lowered from clutching your chest, face turning to him, teary gaze meeting his, he crumbled. His hand released yours, to instead pulled you into a hug. Despite having thought it was gentle, Loki understood it hadn't when a huff left you. But what was important was that he didn't suffocate you. He felt your chest move against his and for each time it did, he felt blessed. Because at the moment, he couldn't let go, he simply couldn't. Not tonight, when he had both dreamt a nightmare and lived in one.

[moonlightgukkie]

2020 Fic Rec Masterlist

Here’s an updated version of my 2019 fic recommendations masterlist! There are so many more amazing pieces of work I have read on this app, but this is a list of my favorites. Please be sure to check out these wonderful authors and their work(s)! <3 (also thank you to the authors that showed love the first time this was posted, ily)

“if i told you” by @gukyi​​ genre​: fluff, comedy, angst, friends2lovers!au

summary​: in order to pay for uni, jungkook decides to market his most valuable asset to the wealthy socialites of campus: himself, donning a suit and tie, tousled hair, and glasses, he becomes every rich daughter’s dream: the perfect boyfriend to bring to balls, dinners, and business gatherings. all while you watch from the sidelines, only able to dream of having that much money to buy yourself what you really want: him.

one shot​, two shot, series

“awkwardly in love” by @strawberrynamjoon​

genre​: college, childhood friends!au, fluff, humor

summary​: even if everything changed, yours and jeongguk’s friendship would always stay the same - at least you thought so, but jokes on your, cupid had other plans for the two of you, making you reconsider everything you thought you knew about your best friend of 12 years.

one shot​, two shot, series

“one thing right” by @hobios​ genre​: fake marriage!au, enemies2lovers, angst, smut, humor, slow burn

summary​: desperate to get your ailing mother into the best care possible, you ask your childhood friend turned enemy to marry you for his health insurance benefits, the only problem is it’s illegal, and he’s the sheriff. and you swore to hate him since the day he broke your best friend’s heart.

one shot, two shot, ​series (COMPLETED) 

“inkling” by @gguksgalaxy​ genre​: smut, angst, tattoo artist!jjk

summary​: jeongguk is your brother’s boyfriend’s co-worker, they own a tattoo and piercing parlor. in other words, he’s tall, gorgeous, has his passion literally etched into his skin, looks incredibly good in a man-bun, and is semi-unattainable for you. why? well, you’re not entirely sure but him ditching you after a very heated makeout session sure isn’t a good sign. his extremely poor mood the next week sure isn’t either, but the only way to fix it is to face the beast head-on...right?

one shot​, two shot, series

“bandslam 1″ by @ironicarmy​ genre​: drummer!jjk, gutarist!oc, angst, smut, rock band!au

summary​: cocky drummer jeon jeongguk has never been the type to hate anyone, but when his best friend taehyung unexpectedly leaves the band and leaves you in his place, he can’t really blame himself when he acts disdain towards you. not even when there’s a prize at stake.

one shot, two shot, ​series (IN PROGRESS)

“the phantom knight” by @lil-meow-meow-goes-rawr​

genre​: medieval!jjk, angst, action, dragon!jjk, fantasy!au

summary​: legend speaks of a fearless knight... a knight so strong he could move mountains, sent to protect us from the terror of the moon dragon. before the reign of kim namjoon began, before peace was formed between the nations, the moon dragon reigned over them all. terrorizing the kingdoms with a ruthless vengeance. vengeance for the extinction of its own kind. a vendetta which only the phantom knight could stop.

one shot, two shot, ​series (IN PROGRESS)

“one time, in your room” by @ubemango​

genre​: college!au, smut

summary​: there are papers to write, and virgins to daydream about. (you can think about jeongguk’s dick later.)

one shot, two shot, ​series

“frost impressions” by @fortunexkookie​ genre​: teacher!au, gamer!au, smut, angst, enemies2lovers

summary​: jeongguk is so disgustingly smitten with his new coworker that he ends up making a terrible first impression, and neither of them realize they’ve actually been in love with each other for the better part of a decade.

one shot​, two shot, series

“melomaniac” by @jeonscript​ genre​: band!au, punk!jjk, friends2lovers, smut, angsty fluff

summary​: you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jeongguk and yet you know you shouldn’t be because he’s your best friend and nothing more. worst part of it all is that you know he’s in love with you too.

one shot​, two shot, series

“worshippers of the sea” by ​@jimlingss​

genre​: pirate!au, mermaid!au, angst, fluff

summary​: you are the greatest pirate to set sail across the ocean and self-proclaimed ruler of the ocean. but when the true god of the sea catches wind of your hubris, he punishes you - taking your legs and turning it into a tail.

one shot​, two shot, series

“the burning flame” by ​@bangtanfanfiction​ genre​: fantasy!au, angst, action, fluff, dragon rider!oc/jjk

summary​: you’re sent as a scout from the academy into enemy territory, tasked with the mission to make sure the king doesn’t unleash another war on the four nations. during your quest, you get tangled up with a lone rider, as stubborn and hard as the scales of his dragon.

one shot​, two shot, series

“bitchin” by @kinktae​ genre​: 1980s!au, angst, smut, idiots2lovers, fluff, humor

summary​: the 80s were a time of choices. which perm was right for you? what color of neon would you wear next? none of these choices, however, were more questionable than a certain deal you made with jeon jeongguk.

one shot, two shot, series (IN PROGRESS) 

“moirai” by @taeken-my-heart​

genre: soulmate!au, angst, smut, fluff, enemies2lovers

summary: on your 18th birthday a name appears on your wrist. the name of your soulmate. it’s a momentous day that everyone looks forward to, but you’ve always brush aside; refusing to believe in a fickle mistress called destiny. but what happens when on the morning of your 18th birthday you wake up to find the name of your mortal enemy jeon jeongguk?

one shot, two shot, series (IN PROGRESS) 

“concentric” by ​@gingerpeachtae​ genre​: fantasy!au, angst, fluff, enemies2lovers. smut

summary​: you had been ready for the end of the semester. you had been ready to spend time away from your best friend, park jimin, and finally move on from the feelings you harbored. yet, after your friend was forced to reveal a secret, you found yourself in a new world that was full of magic, war, and wonder. so, here you were, basically thrown into your own fantasy novel, with your best friend on one side, and six male warriors on the other.

one shot, two shot, ​series (IN PROGRESS)

“more than words” by @ironicarmy​ genre: best friends!au, smut, fluff, angst, humor

summary: you & namjoon have been painfully (and blindingly) pining for each other since your teenage years, much to your friends’ chagrin. so, unbeknownst to both of you, seokjin and the rest plan to finally make you confess during a ski trip.

one shot, two shot, series

“try me” by @jjkfire​ genre​: fluff, slight angst, idiots to lovers, college!au, rugby!au

summary​: you wanted nothing more than to leave behind your old self when you graduated from high school and moved on to college to play rugby, but when you see your high school classmate, resident fuckboy and captain, kim namjoon, at the rugby department orientation, you feel like everything might fall apart.

one shot​, two shot, series

“all you knead is love” by ​@loveejoon​ genre​: baker!oc, apprentice!joonie, fluff, minimal angst

summary​: stumbling upon a help wanted sign and desperately needing a job, namjoon walks into your small bakery shop, after tasting your bread and ​god​, how it melted in his mouth, he insisted on being your assistant, you wholeheartedly agreed, not realizing the dimpled man was a klutz, and that’s the ​nicest​ way you could put it.

one shot​, two shot, series

“bloom” by​​ @hobidreams​ genre​: assassin!reader, florist!joonie, smut, action, angst, some fluff

summary​: family is who you kill for, who you die for. in this society, you and your kin are shadows, clinging to the darkness to obey orders absolute. but when such orders command you abandon what little honor remains for wealth and notoriety, you find yourself lost in lonely uncertainty about the only vocation you’ve ever known. that is, until you meet a man with gentle hands, a poet’s heart, and a love for coaxing the world into ​bloom.​

one shot​, two shot, series

“beastly gods” by @lemonjoonah​ genre​: hybrid!au, drama, thriller, smut, angst

summary​: “​don’t leave the forest​,” a rule that you’ve been forced to follow since birth, but you are tired of living in this wooden cage. out of desperation you cut a deal with taehyung, who claims to be the only one who can get you out safely, even though he might be just as dangerous as the god you’re trying to escape.

one shot​, two shot, series

~ hi! if you made it this far down the post i would like to thank both @jjkfire​ and @gingerpeachtae​ for being so kind & helping me recover this masterlist. Please be sure to check out the works of these amazing angels!! 

[lugialagia]

A new King for Asgard

Summary : Loki falls in love with Y/N but the day has come when she chooses to marry Thor and be the new Queen of the realm. But Thor has something else in mind and for once, Loki will be the one to be tricked.

Pairing : Loki x reader (3rd person)

Words : 1,994

Loki was going to attend to a big event. All Asgard was waiting for this. One of the Princes was going to be married. There will be a new King on the throne. The kingdom was happy and it was all that mattered.

After Odin’s death, Asgard was ruled by his personal guard. The King’s guard must take the King’s place if none of the Princes was married. A King could not rule without a Queen. Thor nor Loki had a maid to bride, so none of them could have the throne.

It was during this period of time that Loki tried to make amends for his acts. He wanted to change for Thor. His brother could have been the new King marrying Jane Foster, he asked her to marry him. But she refused. She didn’t want to leave Midgard and rule an entire kingdom. It was too much, too many responsibilities. So, the two of them broke up. Obviously, Loki laughed at his brother because, well, he despised the mortal girl and he didn’t want a mortal to rule over Asgard. But Odin’s son’s sorrow affected him more than he wanted to admit it.

The Jötun Prince did everything in his power to cheer him up and even promised him to not be so evil again, he had learned from Midgard. The two brothers had reconnected and finally went to the tavern together again and trained and hunted like when they were kids.

And one day, during one of their hunt days, their life changed for the best.

***

Unhabitual sounds made its way to their ears. They were in the middle of a clearing. The sounds didn’t come from animals nor nature but from men. The more they got close, the more they heard sounds of men and blades clashing together. Thor and Loki eyed each other with worry and ordered their horses to run faster. The trees were blurry and the poor wild animals ran away quickly when they heard hooves clashing on the ground.  

When they arrived near a fall, the two Princes saw a rather uncommon scene. A woman was fighting in the middle of at least thirty warriors. And what surprised the most Thor and Loki was the twenty bodies on the ground around her. Loki seemed to be enchanted by her moves. She was fighting with grace and ferocity, impaling a warrior with a sword while piercing the neck of another warrior with a dagger, who was charging behind her. This woman had a very particular combat style, it was like she was the perfect mixt between Thor and Loki. And Loki couldn’t take his eyes off of her.  

This moment of drift only lasts a second. Loki teleported himself next to the mysterious woman and created a magic shield around them while Thor grabbed Mjölnir and landed in front of his brother, smashing his hammer on the ground. All the enemies fell at the same time because of the electric charge. Loki then destroyed the shield and looked at the Goddess on his right.  

Her face clearly showed her surprise. She wasn‘t prepared to see the two Princes of Asgard fighting at her side to save her. Loki was the first to speak. “Are you hurt, my lady?” he asked. “N-no, my lord. I’m doing well, thank you.” These words soothed him immediately. He gave her a tender and true smile, introducing himself, even if she already knew who he was. “I’m Y/N.” she said back. The Prince took her delicate hand in his and kissed her knuckles softly. "Glad to meet you, Lady Y/N.’’ interrupted Thor.  

***

It has been eleven years since then, and the three of them became close friends. This woman changed their lives. Thor was in a better mood thanks to her and he even forgot Jane. Loki spent all his time with Y/N because the two of them shared many common points, like reading and making tricks. He read to her his favourite books, took her with him to play some tricks on the guards and they had deep or philosophical conversations. But Y/N liked Thor with the same passion. She spared with him to improve her strength, she assisted to the fests until the next morning while laughing at Thor and his friend’s jokes. She was spending all her time with the two Princes.

That’s why Loki was happy today. He was happy to see his brother and his best friend get married. Deep inside, his heart was aching. He would never say it, because he didn’t want to spoil this beautiful day, but he was in love with Y/N. Since the beginning. But he was also proud of his brother, that he found love again. Even if it meant that he would be sad.  

Thor was literally shinning in his new armor, made especially for the event. He had a large smile plastered on his face, waiting next to the throne for her bride to come. The royals of other kingdoms were present in the room as well as most of the city. The marriage was something big for everyone.  

Every heads turned toward the large doors. They opened with a heavy noise, and Y/N was here. The young Aesir was wearing a beautiful green and black dress, with a little trail behind.  

Wearing my colours at your marriage with my brother. How can you do that to me, Y/N ?

Y/N walked in the middle of the crowd toward her husband-to-be. When she walked past Loki she gave him a wide smile that he gave back without thinking. Bitterness was still present in his heart but he couldn’t help but smile at the girl he loved.  

Once she was in front of Thor, their hands joined like they were attracted like two magnets. The actual King was accompanied by a matrimonial sorcerer. It was him who would unite the couple with a symbol that each of them will forever have on their skin. “Asgardians.” said the King. “We are reunited on this day to celebrate the most important event, the union of our next King and Queen. I am proud to directed this marriage because it is a great honour. But I am also sad that the Allfather can not be here to assist to this ceremony.” Each face in the room showed pain. They all remembered Odin’s death. On the other hand, Loki was impassive.  

“But I am sure that he is looking at us in Valhalla and that he would be proud of you Thor.” he said with a sincere look. Then his eyes stopped on Loki, to show him that his father would have been proud of him too. “We are now going to begin the ritual. If someone wants to speak his disagreement, speak now or keep it until death.”

At the King’s words, Loki was fighting to not scream “No!”. He wanted to do it, of course, but he wanted to respect Thor and Y/N's choice. He should have confessed his love for her, he knew it. But Loki knew that happiness was not something he could have. She would have rejected him. And he was right. Because Y/N was in love with Thor, not him.  

But he couldn’t help himself. His silver tongue couldn’t be restrained. “I disagree.” said Loki with a perfect calm voice. Every Aesir turned their head toward him. No one was impressed, like they already knew the God of Mischief was going to interfere. “With all my respect, Y/N I don’t want you to marry my brother. I know you are a perfect match as friends, but I’m not sure it will be the same as a couple.” he confessed while staring at Thor. “And I know that I am a perfect imbecile to not have said it sooner, but I am deeply in love with you Y/N. Since we met. I didn’t tell you because I was afraid of being rejected like every time.” Then his eyes suddenly found the ground interesting. “But on the other hand, I don’t want you to cancel your marriage. I want you both to be happy and I know you are perfect for the throne. I just needed this to get out of my chest. I am deeply sorry.”

Thor and Y/N gave each other an accomplice look. “I’m glad you finally opened your heart, brother.” Thor then walked in front of Loki and hugged him. He put his hands on his brother’s shoulders and make him take his previous spot in front of the bride. Thor then went back at Loki’s place in the crowd. Loki didn’t understand anything. He was staring at Thor and his love with a questionning look. “I don’t think I understand what is going on right now.”

Thor nodded his head toward Y/N who was smiling mischievously. Loki was completely lost. “All of this was just an act for you to confess your feelings, Loki. I was not going to marry Thor.” Y/N explained. “You tricked me?” Loki asked, dumbfounded. “We must find something to help you have her, brother.”   Loki smiled, defeated. “I must admit that was a good plan. But it means there will not have a new King on the throne.” he said with a frown. “You really don’t understand, brother. The ceremony still is.” Thor replied.

Loki looked at Thor with wide eyes. “Me?” Thor nodded. “I don’t see anyone else on this throne, Loki. You will be a great King, like Father wanted you to be.” Right before someone could interrupt the discussion, the King intervened. “My Prince, do you want to marry Lady Y/N, right here and now, and become the new King of Asgard?” Loki looked at his lover with apprehension. “Do you want to?” he asked, uncertain. “Wans’t it all clear? Of course, I want to be your wife, that’s all I ever wanted.”

Loki released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Well, I agree too.” Suddenly, people started to clap their hands for Loki. Once the silence fell on the room, the ceremony continued. “Good. I think it is good to say that no one object the new union.” The King waited some more just to be sure and Loki was really nervous. Many Aesir hated him after what he had done on Midgard. So, he was expecting a wave a disagreement. But no words were spoken. The King then left his place for the sorcerer.  

“Loki Odinson, Y/N Austridottir, by joining your left hands, you agree to love each other for eternity, beyond Valhalla and to rule over Asgard as the King and Queen of this realm.” Without any hesitation, the two of them hold their left hands, a smile on their lips. The sorcerer started to chant his spell. Magic surrounded them. It wasn’t a dark and evil magic. It was like love had a shape and was floating in the air. And it was the case because the sorcerer needed their love to create the symbol that will seal the couple.  

A soft heat invaded their wrists just before the tattoo appeared on their skin. They eyed the new found drawing with interest. It was a snake around a spiky flower. Each one had a golden eye. Obviously, the snake represented Loki. And the flower represented Y/N. It was a special Asgardian flower that was very dangerous but had a sweet taste. The golden eye represented the royal couple, because the King and the Queen were always watching over their people.  

The crowd cheered the new couple, and most important, the new King and the new Queen of the realm. Everyone was smiling, but the most beautiful smile was Thor’s one. He was so happy to finally see his brother with the woman he loved.

Loki looked at his Queen and without wasting any time, he placed his hands on her waist and brought her to his chest, kissing her lips with passion.

[taeken-my-heart]

Moirai Chapter 16

Summary: On your 18th birthday a name appears on your wrist. The name of your soulmate. It’s a momentous day that everyone looks forward to, but you’ve always brushed aside; refusing to believe in a fickle mistress called destiny. But what happens when on the morning of your 18th birthday you wake to find the name of your mortal enemy? Jeon Jungkook.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader Genre: Soulmates au/ Enemies to lovers au. Angst, fluff, bickering, romance, eventual smut.

Word Count: 7995

NOTES: This is THE chapter so buckle in. You’re welcome and also…I’m sorry, hahahaha. 

Also, thank you so, so much to @johobi and @hobios for helping me with the draft of the smut scene. Your thoughts and critiques helped me so much and I’m really grateful!

**

You weren’t sure if people could smell like bus, but if they could then you most certainly did. An hour bus ride home with a small overnight bag was uncomfortable enough, but the guy next to you fell asleep about half way through and your shoulder became his unfortunate pillow. 

He wheezed in his sleep and you’d tried to wriggle your way from underneath him but he was much bigger and heavier than you and if you wriggled too much the bushy red beard attached to his face would have made its way into your own. 

Your dad was at the bus station waiting for you when you arrived. The sleeping man had yawned and stretched as if he hadn’t just been invading your personal space for the better part of 30 minutes before standing and disembarking. 

You smiled at your father in relief as he waved from beside the car before making your way over, slinging your bag over your shoulder. 

“Hey dad.” You smiled, giving him a big hug and he squeezed the air right out of your lungs with a laugh. 

“It’s been too long, baby girl!” He grinned, ruffling your hair and you frowned. 

“You should know to never touch a woman’s hair.” You huffed.

“Your mom likes it.” He shrugged with a wink and you grimaced.

“Ew, dad, too much information.”

The car was stuffy with late summer heat but your dad turned the ac on quickly and put the car in reverse. The scenery was all mostly as you remembered; the suburbs didn’t really change much, it seemed. A new house here and there, a restaurant you’d never seen before, but otherwise it seemed trapped in time. 

It was comforting and a little unnerving all at the same time. You felt like you were traveling back in time with a fresh set of eyes. A strange sense of déjà vu settled over you; like suddenly you had a do over. 

“Once we get home we’ve gotta get ready to go over to the rehearsal. Your mom and sister are already over there helping set some things up.”

“Sure,” you nodded, “I’ll just drop my bag in my old room and we can go straight from there.”

Your bedroom looked different these days. The bedding was the same and there were still some of your old awards and pictures hanging on the walls, but most of the things that gave a room personality and injected the feeling of being lived in had been removed when you’d gone off to college. 

You really hadn’t been back to this bedroom much in the last 12 years. Between your bachelor’s degree, medical school, and now working in the city, you hadn’t had the time or even the inclination. Besides, you’d moved in with Jimin not long after the two of you had started dating so it hadn’t made sense to go back home at that point. 

You dropped your bag on your bed, the blanket looking as though it hadn’t been used since the day you’d moved out. You didn’t have time to examine anything further or feel nostalgic so you left your room quickly, heading back out to the car where your dad was waiting. 

**

The wedding venue was large and bright; much like your sister. You could see her at the front of the dining hall, directing someone who was hanging fairy lights from the ceiling and looking beautiful in her daisy yellow sundress and white sandals. You felt underdressed in your jeans and tank top, but you’d only brought one other outfit and that involved sweatpants, so beggars couldn’t be choosers. 

“Oh, Y/N, there you are!” Your mother called and Ella switched her gaze to you, smile growing as she ran to you. You were surprised she didn’t break an ankle in those shoes, but she’d always been the more graceful of the two of you. 

“You made it!” She squealed, jumping up and down and you giggled into her hair as you clung tightly back. “I mean, of course I knew you would, but I’m so glad you’re here!”

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world!” You grinned, hugging your mom as she came to greet you. “So, where do you need me?”

“We’re almost done, actually.” Ella said, sweeping her hair over her shoulder and looking far prettier than was reasonable while doing so. “Michael is just with the caterer now making sure everything over there is sorted. We’re going to start the rehearsal as soon as Mindy gets here. She’s helping the florist bring the last of the roses.”

“Sounds pricey.” You grinned and your father clutched at his heart.

“Let’s not talk about it.”

Mindy made her way in a few minutes later, long blonde hair piled on her head in a messy bun that she made look classy and a large bouquet of red roses clutched in her hands. She’d been Ella’s best friend since beauty school and even though she was a little ditzy and filled with a few too many giggles, she was really nice and super loyal. 

“Hello!” She greeted enthusiastically, placing the bouquet down on a nearby table and blowing a strand of hair from her face. “It’s so nice to see you again!” 

She gasped, running to give you a hug and you smiled, patting her back gently. 

“It’s nice to see you too, Mindy. How have you been?”

“So good!” She smiled, “just doing hair and dating cute boys.” She giggled again and you smiled, squeezing her arm.

“Sounds like fun.” 

Ella’s wedding planner called everyone over, directing people to their places and the rest of the rehearsal went smoothly. The rehearsal dinner included the whole wedding party as well as the Jeon’s because they’d always felt like family anyway. 

Jungkook had just arrived shortly before dinner started and he’d sat with Michael and his groomsmen so you hadn’t had much of a chance to talk. Not that you had anything to say, anyway. You’d stepped into a weird part of your relationship that you weren’t sure how to navigate. 

You didn’t hate him anymore, but you wouldn’t call him a friend, either. It was like awkward teenage stumbling’s when you’re first trying to get to know your crush. You hated it a little bit. 

The end of the night brought with it warm goodbyes and promises to see each other tomorrow afternoon. You were filled with laughter, good food, and a little bit too much wine, but you were excited for the morning. 

Ella had decided to spend the last night of her single life back in her childhood bedroom and the two of you giggled and talked late into the evening before retiring to bed. You felt good and warm, wrapped up in the blankets of your childhood bed, but happy memories can only hold off the bad for so long and soon you were drifting to sleep with the thought of Jimin’s smiling face and a plus one spot that was now empty. 

**

The silent ache in your chest was persistent. As the sun crept through your old bedroom window and across your bed you sighed, staring up at the soft white curtains and chewing on your thumb nail. This was not how you’d imagined yourself feeling on the morning of your little sister’s wedding. You should have been overcome with happiness for her, but all you could feel was misery.

Sad that in the end, a man you’d loved so deeply, who had professed his own love for you, had decided that he did suddenly believe in soulmates. What was worse was that you understood and were now going to be stuck at a table with your own soulmate for who knows how many hours feeling sad, uncomfortable, and every other emotion that was far from joy on your sister’s big day.

You felt selfish; ruminating in the mess that was your current situation. You could hear the faint shuffling sounds of feet on the other side of your door and you listened softly as someone stepped into the bathroom, turning on the fan as they closed the door.

It wasn’t doing you any good just laying here, you weren’t going to fall asleep with such heavy thoughts so, heaving a sigh, you stood and trudged your way downstairs and to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee.

You were going to need the caffeine to even pretend that you were happy about anything this morning. Just as the button clicked off and you were removing the pot from its base you heard shuffling in the hallway behind you.

“You’re up early!” Your sister remarked as she stepped into the kitchen.

“So are you.” You mumbled over the rim of your cup. Too bitter. Where was the cream?

“I couldn’t sleep,” she gushed, “I’m just too excited. I can’t believe the day is finally here!”

You nodded, staring into the swirling amber of your cup as you placed it carefully on the counter top. “Yeah, it came crazy fast.”

“It’s amazing how this time last year Michael and I didn’t even know each other.” She hummed excitedly and you smiled softly at her.

“Life changes so quickly, right?”

“It seriously does! One minute you’re wondering whether or not you even have a damn soulmate and the next thing you know he’s there, completing your life in a way you never thought possible.” She looked at you and as if suddenly realizing what she was saying she looked down sheepishly at her hands. “I mean, not that you can’t be complete without someone, of course.” She mumbled lamely and you smiled.

“It’s ok,” you murmured, “I get it.”

“This is all such bad timing for you.” She frowned, “I’m so sorry, this must be really hard.”

“Don’t be sorry!” You sighed, stepping around the island to grab her hand. “Yeah, my life isn’t exactly how I imagined it but that should have no bearing on your big day. Today is all about you and Michael, it’s a really special time when you get to marry your soulmate. We should be celebrating it, not thinking about me.”

“I know,” she said softly, “but I feel bad. The Jeon’s are going to be at the table with us, Y/N, and you’re just expected to sit there with him and watch your little sister marry her soulmate while your own is…anyway. It’s just not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair,” you smiled sadly, “but we can either give up, lay down and die, or we can decide to be happy no matter what.”

“You have such a good attitude.” She said, lip trembling, “I’m not nearly as strong as you.”

“I’m afraid that strength comes from pain and I would never wish that on you. I hope you stay innocent and happy forever.” You grinned, pulling her into your arms and hugging her tight.

“I love you, Y/N, thank you for being here with me and helping me through this. It means a lot to me.”

“You’re my sister,” you replied, pulling back to look at her, “literally nothing could have stopped me.”

“Well, let me do something for you then. I want to do your hair and makeup!”

“Oh no, not on your wedding day!” You insisted. Your sister had gone on to become a very talented hair dresser and under normal circumstances you would never hesitate to allow her to fix the rat’s nest on top of your head, but not on her special day.

“I insist. Besides, I’m the bride so I can do what I want and I want to do your hair. I can’t have you disgracing my pictures with something simple just because you don’t know what you’re doing.” She teased and you grinned.

“Well, when you put it like that, it seems it would be rude to refuse.”

“Exactly!”

**

One hairstyle and your beautiful lavender maid of honor dress later, you were on your way to the venue with your mother and sister, your father insisting he’d help the groom with picking up his tux from the rental place. Your sister was lavish, her fiancé was not. She’d shuddered at the idea of a rental tuxedo but he had insisted.

After Ella had applied some simple makeup to your face, you’d stepped in to help your sister with her own. Not that she needed any help. Beauty school had taught her enough that she knew her way around a makeup kit.

The pews filled up quickly and Michael stood waiting, looking like the nervous groom he was. Ella was beautiful as she walked forward, a vision of white satin and lace. It was a bittersweet feeling, watching your younger sister marry; but you were proud to say you cried for all the right reasons.

Ella had hired a big band to play at the reception and they started off with an upbeat tempo jazz song that had people jumping up to dance. You grabbed a glass of champagne from one of the passing waiters, taking a deep breath and heading to your table. Jungkook was the only one sat there currently, both his parents and yours swinging eagerly to the beat in the middle of the fray.

You took your seat, which had of course been put right next to his, and took a careful sip of your drink. “They’re a beautiful couple.” Jungkook said and you nodded, humming.

“Yeah, they look good together.”

He turned to look at you, vision trailing slowly across your face and you resisted the urge to shiver. The pull towards him had been stronger recently, an inexplicable need to be close to him burned in your chest. You’d never heard of this sort of thing before; the burn of needing to be with your soulmate.

You’d always been told that you had the freedom to choose, that you would never be forced to be with your soulmate. No one ever told you it would hurt to not be with him, though. The ache that Jimin had left behind was becoming easier to bear but only because the pain of seeing Jungkook and not having him was somehow just as bad.

“You look beautiful, by the way.” He murmured softly. You looked over at him, leaning his forearms against the table and staring down at his fingers locked together.

“Thank you.” You mumbled. Clearing your throat, you looked away awkwardly, “you look handsome.”

You could see the heat in Jungkook’s face without having to look directly at him. His foot began to bounce awkwardly beneath the white linen table topper and you took a few large gulps of your drink to squash your nerves.

You weren’t even really sure why you were nervous in the first place. You’d known Jungkook all your life, seen him at his absolute worst and he’d seen yours too. There was no good reason for you to feel any nervous fluttering in the pit of your stomach. But it was there all the same.

Jungkook downed the rest of his drink before standing and turning to face you. “I would really like to dance with you…if you would let me.”

You looked up at him, smiling softly. “You know I’m a terrible dancer, I’d have to have a lot more champagne in me to set foot on that floor.”

“That can be done!” Jungkook insisted, holding his hands out in front of him to signal you wait before darting off to the open bar.

He returned a few minutes later with a small tray of liquor; two flutes of champagne and six shots of what you assumed was vodka. “To loosen us up,” Jungkook signaled to the shots, “and to chase down the taste.” A head nod at the champagne.

You chuckled, grabbing one of the shots and clinking it against his own before you both threw them back, hissing at the burn. “This stuff is awful.” He wheezed, eyes watering.

Nodding your agreement, you coughed. “It does the job.”

Two more shots down and one empty champagne flute later, you were feeling much less tension in your shoulders. The only thing that could have made it better was taking off your shoes and the relatively uncomfortable dress you were currently locked in. But even in your mildly inebriated condition you had enough decorum to know that was not cool at your sister’s wedding.

“Ok!” Jungkook said, slapping his hands together and startling you, “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling way more inclined to dance.” He stood, holding out his hand to you and waiting, confidently, as though he knew you better than you did and was sure you would say yes.

Maybe he did know you better.

You took his hand, allowing him to pull you up and into the swaying bodies as the band began a slow song and then you were sinking into his chest, one hand wrapped around his shoulder and the other held securely in his own.

“You look really beautiful.” He said and you smiled.

“You told me.”

“I wanted to tell you again.” He said softly, “you should be told you’re beautiful every day.”

“Wow,” you chuckled, staring down at your feet, “did you swallow a romance novel or something?”

“No,” he grinned, “the alcohol is just making my tongue loose; spilling all the words I’ve been meaning to say.”

“Thank you, Jungkook.” You mumbled.

“Well now you should tell me I look beautiful too.” He smiled and you laughed loudly.

“Oh, the alcohol really is loosening your tongue.”

Jungkook grinned, “Come on now.”

“You look beautiful, Jungkook.” You smiled.

“Thank you.” He said softly, looking down at you. You wanted to look away, his gaze felt too intimate, but you couldn’t. Brown eyes pulled you right into their center, scorching you.

His hand in the center of your back was too warm, tightening and pulling you closer to his chest. You could see everything up close, the small scar on his cheek, long eyelashes blinking down at you, and a perfect cupid’s bow that for some strange reason, you couldn’t take your eyes off of.

The music had faded into the background, the people all but disappearing. Your head felt fuzzy and light and you watched in a daze as Jungkook’s eyes flickered from yours and down to your lips. It was so quick you almost didn’t notice.

“Can we talk in private?” He whispered before pulling you gently from the reception hall and around the corner. You could feel the alcohol sloshing around in your veins as you trailed after him into a vacant hallway.

Leaning up against the wall you watched him as he rubbed at his chin and into his hair, pacing the floor in front of you. 12 years really had done him so much good. He’d been a good-looking young man in high school, but age had made him devastatingly handsome and there was no way you could deny it.

“I’m not completely sober,” Jungkook started, “in fact I’m a little past tipsy, I’ll admit. I know my mind, though, and I’ve had you on it constantly for…well right now I can’t remember how long, but ask me again when I’m sober. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I want a chance to make things right, to be the man that you deserve. I want a chance to be in your life and to be important to you.”

“Jungkook, of course you’re important to me,” you started, but he lurched forward, crowding you against the wall and you looked up at him as he pushed your hair from your face.

“You don’t understand,” he whispered, “I feel like I can’t breathe without you. I feel so tied to you, like a marionette doll, all you have to do is tell me to dance. Being without you has started to hurt, and I don’t just mean like a broken heart. My whole-body aches when I’m away from you and it aches when I’m with you because in the end, I’m not really with you, am I? You still hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.” You murmured. “I’m afraid of you.”

“Afraid of me?” He questioned, eyebrows meeting.

“I’m afraid of the power you hold over me, how easy it could be for you to become my entire world and then shatter it; even worse than the last time. I’ve spent 12 years trying to forget the you-shaped hole you left in my heart. You’re not the only one aching, Jungkook.”

And just like that, the world caught fire, fingers sliding home into your hair as he pulled your lips against his. It was like a shot to the gut, an electric shock running through your veins. If you’d craved him before, you downright needed him now.

His mouth moved heatedly against yours, breathing you in as you wrapped your arms around his neck and his hands traveled down your back and over the curve of your backside, squeezing the supple flesh in his hands to elicit a much-appreciated groan.

You knew you should stop him, tell him that you were probably going too fast. There was a lot you needed to talk about and there was a lot of hurt that needed to be healed, but, honestly, you wanted him too.

This kiss felt different from others. It was filled with an undercurrent that was building, building, building from your stomach and spreading like water through your chest. It was too powerful how right it felt, his lips moving steadily against yours and his fingertips running along your lower back.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to kiss you.” He breathed, sliding his lips along your throat and kissing down to your clavicle. He sucked a bruise into the juncture of your neck and shoulder and you gasped, sliding your fingers into his hair. “To hold you.” A kiss against your cheek, “to touch you.” His lips pressed to your other cheek. “To just be with you.”

“In the biblical sense or the romantic sense?”

“All of the above.” He whispered against your lips before sliding his tongue back into your mouth and pushing you further against the wall. You felt him through his dress pants as he pushed his hips into yours and you felt like you’d been electrified.

Dizzy with desire, you pulled him closer to you, groaning into his mouth. “As much as I’m enjoying this, this isn’t exactly a private area.”

Jungkook pulled back slightly, looking around. “You’re right. Where can we go?”

“We can’t drive. Honestly, I’m pretty tipsy right now.”

“Me too.” Jungkook nodded, kissing along your jaw. “Let’s take a taxi.”

“Where?” You mumbled, kissing his chin softly.

“My parents’ place.”

**

You knew you shouldn’t, that you were very close to drunk and you’d likely regret it when you were sober again, but his lips on your body left you feeling even drunker than the alcohol.

His childhood bedroom was one you hadn’t seen since you were children, though you still barely saw it now as you were too busy stripping him of his suit and tie.

He was muscular, and you eyed him greedily wondering when he even had the time to work out with his schedule. You tried to run your hands down his stomach but he batted you away as he tugged your dress from your body and dropped it on the floor, pushing you down into the mattress.

“Eager?” You grinned and he looked up at you, gaze heavy.

“Like you wouldn’t even believe.”

You watched as he slowly undid his belt, eyes locked with yours before dropping it on the floor with a clink and returning to his zipper. He pulled it slowly down, pushing the fabric over his hips and onto the floor before stepping out of them and shucking them to the side.

“I like your Mario boxers.” You teased and he smirked.

“You’ve got a smart mouth.”

He leaned over you, kissing your lips before trailing a path down your chest and to the center of your breasts, fingers playing with your nipples through the lacy fabric of your bra. You sighed, eyes fluttering shut and back arching further into the warmth of his hand.

Jungkook moved his fingers behind you, pulling at the strap and slipping your bra from you, dropping it to the ground. He stared down at your chest; eyes wild with lust. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered, before kissing a path across it, over your nipple and to the other side before taking your nipple and sucking it between his lips.

“Oh!” You gasped, fingers digging into his shoulders and he nipped at your peaked flesh before kissing his way down to the line of your panties, rubbing his nose down the center and inhaling deeply.

You took a deep shuddering breath, watching as he placed a kiss and you shivered. There was no way you were going to survive this night.

Kissing his way to the waistband of your panties, he grabbed the fabric between his teeth and began to pull it from your hips. The tip of his nose had fire licking down your leg as it grazed your skin and you took a deep breath as he dropped your underwear over the side of the bed and returned to the middle of your legs.

“Open, please.” Jungkook murmured, pushing your legs apart gently before planting a kiss against your mound and you whined, heart racing.

His tongue flicked out, pushing through the seam of your lips and your hips lurched forward into the warmth of his mouth. He delved in further, holding your legs spread wide as he licked and sucked against your entrance, lips wrapping around your clit with a tug and you whined loudly.

He hoisted himself back over your face, flushed and panting and grinned. “Take off your boxers.” You said, watching as he happily complied, pulling the offending garment from his hips and dropping it to the ground with the rest of the clothes.

You wanted to pout at the sight. Jungkook was truly built to make all other men pale in comparison. He was impressive from his head to his toes and the thick appendage standing proudly between his legs was no different.

“Ready?” He asked, body crowding over yours in the bed and you nodded, feeling him prod your entrance with a whimper.

Jungkook wrapped his fingers around your thigh, pulling it high on his hip before pushing slowly into you. You gasped, skin tingling as he stretched your walls, Jungkook breathing into the side of your neck and kissing wet against your shoulder as his hips became flush with yours.

“Let me make you feel good.” He whispered, pulling out slightly before pushing back in and your whole body shuddered.

He swallowed your moans with his lips as he began to thrust shallowly, hand coming to greet your left nipple with a soft graze.

“Please.” You whimpered.

“What do you want? I’ll give it to you.” He whispered, nose skimming your cheek.

“Everything.”

You could feel his back flexing under the tips of your fingers and you ran your hands across his shoulders and into his raven hair, pulling gently.

He grunted, sucking on your bottom lip and thrusting a little harder and you shivered from pleasure.

“Jungkook.” You gasped, one hand clinging to the sheets beneath you as he pushed you further into the mattress with his hips.

“Say it again.” He murmured. “Say my name.”

“Jungkook.”

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say my name like that.” He panted, grinding his hips into yours.

“I didn’t know you ever thought of me.” You crooned, wrapping your other leg around his hip and lifting yours to meet his thrusts.

“You’ve been on my mind for years.” He admitted, kissing from the inside of your elbow to your shoulder. “Have you ever thought of me?”

You gasped as he hit a spot particularly deep inside you and ground against it. “Sometimes.” You admitted, seeking out his mouth and drowning in his taste.

“Can I go a little harder?” He whispered and you huffed a sigh against his lips as he swiveled his hips.

“Yes, please.”

He lifted himself up on the palms of his hands, pushing the hair from your face, “I wanna see your beautiful face when you cum.”

You blushed, body shivering at the notion just as he picked up speed, thrusting deeply into your center with groans and hisses of your name. You could already feel your orgasm building all the way down to your toes and the intensity scared you a little, but you could barely think about it as he kissed you sloppily, grabbing each rounded cheek of your backside and using it to grind himself heavily against your clit.

Your heart was beating wildly in your chest, fingertips tingling as something began to build in your chest. It was like nothing you’d ever felt before; an intense connection, a need to stay right here, with him. You could feel it around your heart, like a lasso, tethering you to him and it should have scared you, but in this moment, you realized you were falling for him.

You’d tried so hard to protect yourself from him, but no one had ever told you about this feeling; this need to be his and to have him in return. Jungkook kissed up the column of your throat, lips meeting yours once again as he gripped onto your thighs, pushing himself even harder into your center and you could barely see straight.

“Jungkook!” you moaned, body twitching. “You feel amazing.”

“So do you.” He choked, running a hand back down your chest and squeezing, “I’m not going to last much longer.” He huffed, breath stuttering against your cheek as he kissed it.

“Me too.” You admitted, running your hands down his back and across his thighs to curve under his ass and help him to thrust in harder.

Your skin felt hot, like sun baked cement in the middle of summer and you could feel your body starting to shiver in pleasure. Your toes curled, gasps of Jungkook’s name leaving your lips as he thrust in harder, and harder, and harder until you felt an explosion, traveling all the way up into your chest and out your fingertips as you called out his name.

You squeezed your eyes shut and saw only him behind tear filled lashes. Jungkook groaned one last time before shattering and painting your walls white. He shivered and slumped, laying still on top of you.

Just as your breathing steadied, he curled his arm beneath your neck, pulling your lips to his and kissing the life back into you, tongue swiping greedily against yours and you kissed him with just as much vigor.

“I’ll be right back.” He murmured, pulling from you with a wince before leaving the room and going into the hallway. You took a deep breath, shaky fingers pushing through your hair as you listened to him shuffling around in the bathroom.

A few moments later he returned, wet cloth in his hands and he kneeled between your legs. “Here, let me help you.” He said softly, and you watched, heart pounding as he cleaned gingerly between your thighs.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” You murmured softly after he’d tossed the rag onto his old computer desk and he nodded, sitting back on the bed.

After peeing and washing your hands you stared at your reflection. Aside from sex mussed hair, a few hickeys, and kiss bitten lips, you didn’t look any different. You felt different, though. The connection was stronger and you could feel it in your bones.

Your heart felt so full, but the pain was still there, buried somewhere in the fog of a love you hadn’t realized had started building. You wrapped your arms around yourself tightly before sighing and making your way back to the bedroom.

Jungkook was still sat on the bed, staring down at his hands when you entered. He looked up at you, cheeks flushed with emotion (and probably some residual champagne). “Please don’t leave.” He whispered. “Stay the night with me.”

You paused, biting your bottom lip before nodding and padding over to him, bending down and kissing him quickly. “Scoot over, then.”

He smiled, pulling the covers back before scooting next to the wall and you curled into his side, shivering as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling your body flush with his. He looked down at you, pushing the hair away from your face and cupping your cheek. “Thank you.” He said.

“You’re welcome.” You smiled softly. He leaned down, kissing you gently.

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night.”

**

The first thing you noticed when you woke was the pounding in your head. One too many flutes of champagne could do that to a woman. The next was the definite presence of a weight across your waist and someone’s chest pressed to your back.

You tried not to whimper as you squeezed your eyes shut tighter. Perhaps if you didn’t open your eyes, none of this would be real. A soft sigh greeted the skin of your neck, a nose running along the column and you shivered.

Glancing over your shoulder, you noted that Jungkook was still asleep and you heaved a sigh of relief. At least you didn’t have to discuss what happened right this second. You weren’t even sure yourself.

Of course, you remembered what happened, how every taste and touch was like fire, consuming you. You remembered the rush of endorphins, the feeling of all-consuming love. But now that you were sober and the sun was casting light over the fog of your thoughts, you mostly felt fear.

Building a relationship on lust alone wasn’t healthy or possible and so far, that’s really all the two of you had together. The feelings had been strong in the moment, but without even a basic friendship to build on, you knew this would only end in more heart break.

So, you steeled yourself, slipping carefully from his grasp and dressing quickly. You glanced back at him, still sleeping soundly, hand splayed across the space where your body had been, before closing the door and walking softly down the stairs.

“Oh, Y/N, I didn’t know you were here!” You gasped, spinning to face the kitchen, clutching at your heart and looking at Mrs. Jeon who stood by the counter with a coffee in her hands. She smiled at you, a knowing look in her eyes and you wanted to shrivel up and die.

“I-I-I, yeah, I’m actually going now, though.”

“You should stay for a coffee. I’m sure Jungkook will be up soon.”

“I’m sure he will be.” You nodded, playing with a string at the side of your dress.

“Everyone deserves a second chance; don’t you think dear?” She asked suddenly and you looked up at her, cheeks flushing with shame.

“I suppose it depends on what’s been done.” You mumbled lamely, not daring to meet her gaze.

There was a soft lull in the conversation before she continued, “that boy really cares about you, you know. I can see you care about him too. I know there’s a lot of pain in the past, but being allowed to move on from it would be good for you both.”

You could hear hurried steps from the floor above you and you looked up in alarm. “I need to go!” You said, walking quickly to the door just as you heard Jungkook call your name from the top of the stairs.

You rushed down the front steps and made a run for it across the garden before heavy footfall and your name were greeting you once more.

“Wait!” Jungkook called, wrapping his fingers around your forearm and forcing you to a stop, a whimper falling from your lips. “Where are you going?” His eyes screamed desperation and you couldn’t look at him.

“I need to go.” You mumbled, flinching as he reached out for your face, stroking a thumb down the side of your cheek.

“Where? Can’t we talk first?”

“I need to go home. I have work tomorrow.” You insisted, a little firmer.

“So do I. Don’t do this, Y/N, don’t run from me. We were both there last night, I know that you felt it too. It wasn’t just sex; it was more than that and you know it. It was like being completed; two pieces of the puzzle finally being put back together.”

“I’m not a broken puzzle, Jungkook!” You shouted and he took a step back in surprise. “Why does everyone treat you like you’re broken if you’re not with your soul mate? I just broke up with the man I thought I was going to marry; I’m vulnerable. That’s the only reason last night even happened.”

Jungkook’s face shuddered, bleeding emotion as he looked down at the ground. You realized belatedly that he was only wearing a pair of baggy grey sweatpants, as though he’d dressed in a hurry. Your heart clenched at the thought.

The grass poked out from between his toes and he sighed, a deep, mournful sound. “Are you ever going to forgive me?” He whispered.

You were trying to protect your heart, but at this point it seemed so futile. Just walking away from him was breaking it more than you’d expected. “I need to go home.” You said. “I’ll see you at work.”

**

Your apartment felt so empty when you returned. No Jimin to help you fill the darkened corners. You’d packed in a hurry, throwing whatever you’d brought with you back into your bag, doing your best to avoid your parents’ questions about where you’d been all night.

They’d find out at some point, anyway. You knew Mrs. Jeon wouldn’t keep this to herself for long. For years Jungkook had been “the bad guy” and now it was you and you couldn’t face it.

Guilt clawed at your insides the entire trip back and now, standing in your doorway, you decided that instead of facing any of your responsibilities, you would hide from them. Burrowing under the covers of your bed, reaching out for Jimin’s old pillow and clutching it to your chest, you cried.

You hadn’t exactly been lying when you told Jungkook you were vulnerable, sleeping with him was a rebound in a way…but it was also so much more than that.

You hated to admit it, but he was wearing away at your steely exterior. Chipping at the ice that had covered your heart when he’d rejected you all those years ago.

There was a part of you that feared if you pushed him away too much, you’d miss out again. A man could only take so much rejection before he gave up entirely. Another part of you wondered why that was something you were afraid of.

You’d both grown up; changed, and now Jungkook seemed so ready to just dive head first into the deep end. You couldn’t forget, though. You couldn’t let go. It was foolish, but the snub still burned bright in your memory and him wanting you now didn’t change the fact that back when it really counted; he hadn’t.

The doorbell ringing made your muscles stiffen. Had Jungkook followed you to your apartment? Was it Jimin; had he left something behind?

You stood slowly, apprehension building in your chest, and made your way to peer through the peephole of the door.

Lizzy was stood there, grin wide and arms flailing in a wave. You opened the door, peering at her curiously. “What are you doing here?”  

“Did you forget?” She asked, not even bothering to pause before walking straight into your apartment and removing her bag. “You told me to come over at this time before you left for the wedding. Said you’d be back by now. Guess you’re a pretty accurate measure of time but not so much in the memory department.”

“Oh.” You said softly, closing the door. Lizzy threw her bag over the back of one of your chairs and turned to look at you, eyebrows meeting in the center of her forehead.

“Something happened.” She stated matter of factly and you knew it was no longer a secret you could keep. To be honest, you really needed someone to confide in right now.

“Yeah.” You nodded, “Did you want anything to drink?” You motioned lamely at the kitchen. Lizzy only shook her head, grabbing your hand and pulling you to the couch.

“Spill the beans.” She said, folding her legs crisscross once she’d sat down.

You sighed, staring up at the ceiling. “I haven’t been honest with you the last few months. I hope when I tell you why you’ll be understanding.” Lizzy’s brows furrowed deeper together, but she said nothing, waiting for you to continue.

“I’m a pretty private person about my past; I don’t really like to talk about it because it hurts…but I can’t really hide it anymore, you’re bound to find out at some point and I’d rather it come from me.”

You slowly pulled up the sleeve of your sweater, displaying your wrist to your friend and watched as her lips parted in surprise.

“Jeon Jungkook? Dr. Jeon?”

You nodded and waited for the storm, but Lizzy only frowned. “Oh…wow. Ok, but I still don’t understand what the good doctor has to do with your past.”

Pulling your sleeve down, you linked your fingers together in your lap, pursing your lips in thought. “I’ve known Jungkook all my life. Our mothers have been best friends since elementary school and moved into the same neighborhood when they got married. We were practically raised together. For the first 18 years of my life I saw Jungkook nearly every day. We were friends as children but then drifted apart. He entered that mean little boy stage, you know what I mean.”

Lizzy nodded and you continued, “Anyway, we drifted apart for years but always acted like we were friends in front of our parents, didn’t want our moms to feel bad. He grew up to be really handsome and popular and all the girls wanted a piece, even my sister. They started getting really close and Jungkook had his birthday, got his tattoo but didn’t say anything. My birthday was 2 months later and when his name appeared on my wrist, I felt like I’d been punched.”

“He’d been pursuing my sister, acting like my name wasn’t there on his wrist. I confronted him and even after all of that I was still willing to make it work, he’s my soulmate after all. He didn’t want to, though. So, we cut ties, graduated high school, went to different colleges and didn’t see each other again until he started working at the hospital.”

“Wow.” Lizzy breathed and you nodded, frowning.

“It gets worse.”

“What happened?” She asked, eyes wide.

“We had sex last night.” You admitted; the words bitter on your tongue.

“Oh!” Lizzy gasped and you could already feel tears stinging at the corners of your eyes.

“We were both tipsy and I was still heartbroken over Jimin and he just kept talking about how he wanted another chance to prove himself; that he’s not 18 anymore and we just got carried away.”

“What was it like?” Lizzy asked carefully, “sex with your soulmate?”

“Fireworks.” You cried, “There are no words to describe it. It felt like going your whole life thinking you’re content only to find out you’ve been missing a giant hole in the center of your heart and now it’s been filled and you’re complete and in fact it’s spilling over the edges and there’s just so much love that you can’t possibly hold it all so it just goes to every corner or your body until you think you might burst.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“I’m terrified!” You wailed. “He’s been my enemy for the better part of 20 years and now I feel like I can’t breathe without him and I’m afraid. Aside from the brief moment of the initial rejection, I’ve never felt like I was an incomplete person but now I know what it’s like to have him and without him I feel the broken pieces of my soul shattering again.”

“So, the solution seems fairly clear to me. You guys need to be together. I can’t deny that I’m insanely jealous. Honestly, really, really envious. Not only do you know who your soulmate is, but he’s criminally hot.”

“It’s not that easy.” You sniffled, wiping at your nose.

“Why not?”

“Because we have history, Lizzy, and not a very happy one. It’s a lot to try to work through.” You frowned, throwing your hands up in frustration.

“So then work through it.” Lizzy deadpanned.

“But then he gets what he wants. He always gets what he wants. He didn’t want a soulmate so I left him alone and now that he wants me, I’m supposed to just give in?” You soured.

“You sound really vindictive right now. You said your past was painful which means the rejection hurt. You were willing to try back then, what’s changed?”

“Why does he always get to win? He deserves to feel some pain too!” You complained.

“So, you’re holding a grudge?”

“No!” You insisted childishly.

“Really? Because it sounds like you are to me. He was a kid back then, probably scared out of his mind. He was staring his future right in the face and probably wasn’t ready for the responsibility. He’s a fully-grown man now, more established in the world and he’s realized what he threw away all those years ago. Don’t you think people can change?” She asked, frowning at you and you felt more ashamed than before.

“Of course.” You admitted softly.

“What you and Jimin had was beautiful and healthy and despite that, he was willing to push it all aside because his soulmate changed his world. He didn’t even believe in soulmates! Doesn’t that say something?”

“Please don’t talk about him.” You bit out and Lizzy sighed.

“I’m just saying. You have an opportunity at love again, and this time it’s the real thing, as real as it gets. Are you really willing to throw it all away because you can’t let go of something an 18-year-old boy did 12 years ago? Really?”

“He broke my heart, Lizzy.” You murmured, the tears starting all over again as you picked at the fraying edges of your second hand couch.

“And that sucks, it really does and I’m sorry about it…but tell me, how do you feel right now? Now that he’s changed his mind and you’re running away instead? Be honest with me.”

You paused, lip trembling before you choked out a soft cry, “Now I feel like I’ve broken my own heart.”

“Do yourself a favor, Y/N, let yourself fall in love with him. You deserve to be happy.”

“What if he breaks my heart again?” You whispered.

“He’s a man, he’s probably going to make you cry a few times over your life time; it’s just what men do. If a soulmate’s love is really all they say it is, though…it’s worth it.”

You huffed, rubbing at your face and Lizzy smiled, “Just think about it, hmm?” When you nodded, she stood, going back to her bag and reaching into the pocket, pulling out a DVD. “You up for a movie?”

“Sure, I could use the distraction.” Tomorrow was back to work and you assumed that you’d have to deal with Jungkook. You weren’t sure how, but somehow Lizzy had to be right, somehow, it had to be worth it. People wouldn’t keep seeking out their soulmates and living seemingly blissful lives if it weren’t worth it. Right?

**

I hope you enjoyed this long awaited chapter! Let me know what you think! <3

Chapter 15

Chapter 17 (Finale)

Copyright © 2018 by Taeken-My-Heart. All rights reserved.

[chibimyumi]

Hi

I hope you're doing well

I have questions if you don't mind

Who do like Axel von Fersen in Marie Antoinette or Axel von Fersen in 1789 les amants de la bastille and also do you like Marie Antoinette in Marie Antoinette or in 1789 les amants de la bastille

Thank you for answering my questions

Dear Anon,

I am doing well, thank you very much! I hope you too.

Hmmm, as a quick answer I would say I prefer both Marie and Fersen from ‘Toho MA’, but the full answer is slightly more complicated.

Firstly, it is almost unfair to compare them to each other because in MA they are the main characters, whereas in 1789 they are main-support or secondary-mains at best.

Secondly, MA has a far bigger focus on the characters because that is what drives the plot, while the opposite is true for 1789, which mainly sells a spectacle. I myself am more fan of subtle and deep story-telling rather than spectacular shows, so the MA versions of Marie and Fersen are more to my liking.

Thirdly, the quality of the characters also depends greatly on the cast. My first view of MA is the A-cast, and therefore my impression of the characters is that they are incredibly well written. After comparison with other casts however, I started to wonder whether it was just the A-cast being too good, and the musical itself being ‘fine’. (In short; I’m not fully sure how much I’d ‘clearly’ have preferred MA Marie and Fersen were it not for A-cast. Click here for a comparison between the two casts written by my friend @wildandwhirlingwords)

But, I shall go into more detail for both characters why MA’s version appeals more to me - someone who enjoys character writing most.

🌹Marie Antoinette🌹

M.A. 2018

In my opinion Marie Antoinette is better in MA because you see her journey and her motivations. We all know that the historical Queen screwed up majorly, but in MA we see why, and in what ways she indeed had very little other choice from her own perspective. She was a flawed foreign woman in a time and place where flawed foreign women were hated most.

In the beginning of the musical the King comes tell Marie that she’d have to live more economically. Marie is clearly not very enthusiastic to hear that, but she also never protests. She just asks ‘why’ and then accepts the answer - albeit broodingly. More importantly however: we need to keep in mind that despite being called Madam Deficit, the historical Marie Antoinette was actually quite economical at first because the Austrian court where she comes from was way less extravagant than the French. It was after her marriage into French royalty that she became more extravagant, because she was criticised for “not being a proper royal” by the French. According to the court, the 14 year old Marie was “a peasant unworthy of becoming Queen.” When you’re that young and criticised by your entire new life, you do everything in your power to make sure you can actually have a life; you adapt. So when Marie was then suddenly told to stop ‘adapting and be a proper Queen worthy of the French”, we can see why more is at stake than “Karen needs to deal with only 10 dresses a week.”

Something else that adds depth to her character as opposed to her 1789 counterpart is that as the story progresses, Marie actually grows. She becomes more mature and more serious, and you see in her how all the events have a clear toll on her. From her own perspective, she really was trying very hard, but anything she tried was inadequate to improve the situation. What she didn’t know is that no matter how hard she tried, the situation was already un-salvageable before she was even born. The populace AND the court had already decided to hate her for being an unintelligent foreign woman from an enemy state, after all. This is an insight most historians nowadays agree on.

In a later scene where Margrid confronts Marie, she asks the Queen: “what makes you think you are better than us?” Marie confirms nor denies, but replies: “I am merely Queen as I was appointed by God.” When she adds: “All I know is duties, you are free,” there is also a clear sense she genuinely doesn’t know why she was appointed by God, but as she is now, all she can do is her best. She is still ignorant, which was a genuine problem about her. She does not know the hardships of not being from the top rank, allowing her say something as insensitive as: “at least you’re free.” But again, despite her ignorance, her feelings are sincere. From all the unfair expectations she was made to live up to from age 14, you really do see why ‘a life without duties’ seemed so much more appealing to her.

1789 - The Lovers of the Bastille

Marie in 1789 is more of a side-character, and the musical itself just is not very character/story driven as MA is. 1789 has the tendency to take the tropiest of tropes and stay on surface level with the characters. Ouki Kaname is an incredibly good actress and she tries her best; but she cannot do more than the script gives her to work with.

In this musical Marie is not portrayed in a very relatable or sympathetic light. She is extravagant because she has escapist fantasies, but we don’t really see what she’s escaping from. The sympathy from the audience is supposed to be drawn from the tragedy that she’s married to the King but is in love with Fersen. Oh, and she has a son but he’s mortally ill. Meanwhile however, you don’t see how her life is so bad she needs to escape... and you also don’t see Marie really being worried about her son than an occasional: “Oh Ill again? Sucks I guess. Gotta cry my eyes out on my lover’s lap, AHHH FERSEN 💗” It was not until her son had already died that Marie woke up, but the lack of portrayal of Marie’s perspective and the pacing really makes one legitimately wonder whether the child did not just die of Marie’s neglect. And about the forbidden love ...we’ve seen enough love triangles with star-crossed-lovers... I don’t know about you guys, but I am numbbbbb to this “problem”.

When Marie receives message from Olympe that she finally gets to meet her lover after a long separation at the Palais Royal, one of the first things she says is: “is that not the place where revolutionaries and prostitutes are gathered?” This immediately sets up an empathy-barrier between her and the common people. This Marie clearly views herself too good for people who do anything to get by; why would you care about her then? Because Marie’s story is not fleshed out you don’t see parts that can make you go: “oh, the revolutionaries really hate her for reasons beyond her control, she is in danger.” Or “she was raised by a puritan society, making her hate on sex-workers; that’s part of her character flaw.” Instead it’s just this Diva being quite judgemental.

Ouki was trying very hard to make the focus about her own safety, but with the script being what it is... she’s still a mostly unsympathetic character who is a martyr of forbidden love.

There is one scene where we see her take on a much more mature and responsible role. That was the first time I personally felt like Marie from 1789 is an actual human being with feelings and personal difficulties. But in great part this is Ouki’s acting... (the other cast didn’t do much for me). What is also important is that Marie was ‘humbled’ because her son died. Marie did not have much of a personal growth, and then she changes to a more sympathetic person because of an external factor just... feels less earned.

In the finale Marie appears again in her execution clothes, and the way Ouki appeared really felt like a punch in the gut. She sings “as a recompense for our griefs, people have learnt forgiveness.” However, the story skimped over the characters so much I was left to wonder: “who learned to forgive whom?” Do you think the people forgave you? Or was there somebody you hated but now learned to forgive? What was your grudge? Do you understand the angry mob’s grudge?

The finale of the musical treats like after the heroic sacrifice of the protagonist (Ronan) the oppressive monarchy was replaced by a good democracy, and a Reign of Terror will DEFINITELY not happen under Robespierre or something. But if you’ve had a BIT of European history you just know it’s a blatant lie. So the finale just feels too simplistic, and this simplistic feeling was in part presented by Marie’s very empty, lip-service-y line.

⚔️Hans Axel von Fersen⚔️

M.A. 2018

Fersen is a bit harder to compare which version is better, because honestly, depending on who plays Fersen in MA, Fersen is either the most generic Hollywood sweeping-lover-hero, or a diamond mine to excavate. In the same post linked above by my friend, she explains in detail the differences between TashiroFersen and FurukawaFersen. K-musical fans, don’t @ me, but from what I can tell, the Korean Fersens are also very... typical.

In this post I have discussed Furukawa’s Fersen in great detail, so I shall skip over these for this post. But to summarise, when portrayed by Furukawa at least, Fersen in MA is very nuanced and restrained. Even if we do not fully credit Furukawa however, then at the very least the script allows enough space and material for an actor to flesh him out so phenomenally well (I think Tashiro and some other actors just.... really missed out on the potential).

Fersen in MA incredibly memorable because the main atmosphere of the imminent doom awaiting everyone is carried by him in a way nobody else does. The moment Fersen enters you feel the tension that the musical wishes to tell. Fersen has seen revolutions, he’s seen the power of anger; he knows shit is going to hit the fan because he’s familiar with this trajectory. 

Fersen has excellent self control because he knows how a lack thereof would hurt Marie’s reputation and escalate the growing chaos. You can see very clearly how Fersen does want the intimacy, but to him duty and the grander picture has priority. In all the small actions from Fersen you see how he is a savvy intellectual through and through. (More about reservation later).

In contrast to 1789, we also get to see so much more of Fersen in MA because he is the narrator and a main character. Throughout the musical he’s been trying to de-escalate the chaos and even though his plans were actually well thought-out, the problems were just simply too big for any one person to solve. When Fersen mourns Marie there is a clear sense that he is not really surprised, just really upset that things had to come so far. Instead of singing something accusatory to the angry and hungry people, he sings: “fate, why did you give her everything, only to show her hell in the end?” Fersen truly understands why the people were duly angry, but that not taking away his sorrow of losing Marie who he knows is a better person than people make her out to be.

Also in great contrast to 1789, the finale of MA is rather grim. It does not suggest hope or that all problems will eventually disappear. The story for these people have ended, but the problems and the world will continue to our days, and days far beyond ours. It gives a feeling that the world of MA is so extensive that we - the audience - are part of it. In the finale when we see Fersen again, he also stays in tune with this feeling. “How can the problems of the world be solved, what is true justice? We remain clueless” he sings, and the way he looks into the unknown distance is almost a reminder to us that nobody has reason to stop worrying and fight for justice.

1789 - the Lovers of the Bastille

Now if we were to compare MA’s Furu Fersen to 1789′s Fersen, we see a stark contrast between the two. Where Furusen was incredibly reserved and hyper aware of everything, 1789′s Fersen is just the over-romantic lover who had been pining for his love. For a moment Marie realises she probably should not be cheating on her husband and backs away. Fersen however, is the one to make further advances, actively pulling her back to his side.

When he embraces Marie you see how he is just dreaming and indulging, something Furusen would never do. Furusen might hug Marie, but not without sh*tting 50 colours. 1789′s Fersen is the sweeping Romeo that most of history makes him to be, and little more. But again, Fersen plays but a very small role in 1789, so it is also unfair to compare him to MA’s Fersen.

Regardless of whatever nuance might or might not be there however, it is also just quite hard to like this Fersen because he is ‘just another privileged aristocrat who is just needy’. When making out with Marie in Palais Royale they find out that Ronan fell asleep there drunk. Ronan simply complained that Marie was too loud and woke him, and Fersen immediately shuts him up, and then draws his sword at him for ‘speaking rudely’.

First of all Fersen and Marie, if you’re gonna do a clandestine meeting, you CHECK your surroundings. Second of all, FERSEN Ò.Ó, this peasant is untrained and weaponless; you can’t just unleash your high-ranking martial arts at him with a shiny sword. This is EXACTLY the reason the revolution happened; the people were sick of the suppression of the powerless by the powerful. UGHUM. It truly is mind-blowing to consider how 1789 Fersen and MA Fersen are both...Fersens.

This Fersen is not very involved with the revolution from either side. He just proposes to help Marie and the King escape once, but got dismissed immediately. The following time we see him it is in the finale.

There he stands, a knight in shiny armour singing a really hopeful phrase to a relatively upbeat and hopeful music: “do not rely on force, but seek for hope and courage.” Here again unlike with MA’s Fersen, you don’t really feel like this Fersen has experienced anything. It was like he was an employed special guard, told by his boss there’s nothing he needed to do, his boss is dead, and oh wellll, moving on!

Conclusion

Because Marie and Fersen in MA are main characters whose stories are fleshed out, it really is very unfair to compare them to their 1789′s counterparts in a race of ‘who is better’. In the end of the day, 1789′s aim is to sell a spectacle, and it realllly is a phenomenal piece if you’re there for the spectacle. The choreography, songs, stage, everything is masterpiece-level. So if you’re there for the spectacle you get exactly what you went there for. The story and characters however... not so much. If one is more drawn to a direct, glittery spectacle with hands-down-amazing-songs however, they’d probably find Marie and Fersen from 1789 more enjoyable. If you’re into first and impressive impressions, the MA counterparts might demand a BIT too much attention and patience to get into.

Related posts:

Introduction and character analysis Fersen ‘MA’ 2018

Comparative commentary on MA Cast M and Cast A