#mr love queen’s choice playlist

[myargalargan]

A Classical Polinalysis: Ep. 2

Hello friends, Polin stans, and classical music nerds!

Picking up from my episode 1 analysis, I am back with the second installment in the series of episode-by-episode analyses I mentioned when I shared the playlist I made of all the Classical pieces used in Bridgerton season 3.

The tracks on the playlist are all in order of when they appear in the show, and here are all the pieces that were used in episode 2: 

Beethoven’s String Quartet No. 13 in B-Flat Major, Op. 130: VI. Finale. Allegro

Bach’s Violin Concerto No. 2 in E Major, BWV 1042: III. Allegro assai

Mozart’s String Quartet No. 8 in F Major, "Viennese", No. 1, K. 168: IV. Allegro

Mozart’s String Quartet No. 3 in G Major, "Milanese", No. 2, K. 156/134b: I. Presto

Mozart’s String Quartet No. 23 in F Major, "Prussian", No. 3, K. 590: IV. Allegro

Joseph Schuster’s String Quartet No. 2 in B-flat Major: I. Allegro di molto (formerly attributed to Mozart as the "Milanese" (or Paduan) String Quartet No. 2, K. 210)

Beethoven’s Piano Sonata No. 23 in F Minor, Op. 57, “Appassionata”: II. Andante con moto 

All of this music is used over the course of the Full Moon ball, and the choice of music and the scenes each piece of music is paired with turns the ball something of a microcosm for the entire episode. What the hell do I mean by that? 

This episode is all about flirtation, fertility, and passion, and the action in this episode sets into motion some of the major conflicts of the season. We have the Mondriches settling into their new home and attending society events for the first time, the Featherington sisters getting a healthy dose of Sex Ed, Francesca being granted the Queen’s favor, and—of course—Colin and Penelope beginning their lessons and all the tension and drama that brings. So let’s get into how the Classical soundtrack compliments this very meaty episode…

Looking at the track list in order, we’ve got a bit of a composer sandwich (get it? meaty episode? ha-ha-ha?) with Beethoven bread, Mozart filling, and Bach and Schuster toppings. The allegro finale of Beethoven’s String Quartet No. 13, which starts as Colin and Eloise’s conversation about Penelope in the carriage ends, welcomes us to the ball. The second movement of Beethoven’s “Appassionata,” which Francesca is playing when Lady Danbury sneakily invites the Queen to observe, concludes the whole event. But I have a lot to say about both Beethoven pieces, so I’m going to save that for later! To start, I want to talk about the flirtatiousness of the other pieces used during this episode. 😏

The next piece after the Beethoven string quartet is the third movement from Bach’s Violin Concerto No. 2, which plays when Benedict asks Miss Stowell to dance. We only hear the very beginning of the concerto in this episode, but the distinguishing characteristic of a concerto—which is also what I find so flirtatious about this piece—is the back-and-forth between a solo instrument (in this case, a solo violin) and an ensemble (in this case, a chamber orchestra). In particular with shorter pieces like this Bach concerto, which is an energetic two minutes long with concise musical verses, you get the feeling of a lively conversation, where the ensemble has their say, the soloist replies, the ensemble adds another musing, then the soloist replies, and so on. 

I also think this concerto is fun for this scene for a couple other reasons. One, the soloist-ensemble dynamic calls to mind Benedict getting cornered by a pack of ladies. But also, this concerto is in what’s called “ritornello” form, which means that the ensemble repeats the same musical theme every time they come back in, and I love this as a funny little musical illustration of Miss Stowell’s persistence with Benedict—she keeps coming back, over and over, just like that repetitive musical theme! 

The next piece is the fourth movement from Mozart’s String Quartet No. 8, which starts playing right as Portia tells Mr. Finch that his wife is a pastry and continues as Penelope talks with Colin about his writing. This piece actually elides seamlessly into the track from the season 3 OST called “Attempts to Flirt” the moment Colin says he’ll consider letting Pen read more of his writing if she talks to at least one lord that night, which is a fun little tie-in to our theme. And the string quartet is great for this moment between Colin and Pen because of its fugal quality. A fugue—such as Bach’s famous Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, which is used in a ton of films including the original Fantasia—refers to a structure where the musical theme is introduced in different voices or instruments one after another. (Kind of similar to a musical round, like “Row, Row, Row Your Boat,” but not as simplistic.) Like the concerto, there’s a repetition of musical ideas, and those ideas bounce around from instrument to instrument, again creating a sense of lively conversation. Almost as if one person starts to tell a story to a group of friends, and then another person jumps in to say, “Oh, yes, I know what that’s like!” and tells their own anecdote, and so on around the group as the conversation feeds on everyone’s enthusiasm. 

I love this for Pen and Colin’s interaction because it has a similarly flirtatious energy as the concerto, but at the same time it’s more complex than a simple back-and-forth. There’s a layering aspect to a fugue—when a subsequent instrument picks up the theme, that doesn’t mean the first instrument stops playing. I think this has a similar energy to the way good friends who are comfortable and excited together might end up talking over one another or picking up the ends of each other’s sentences. I think it’s also illustrative of the complexity of Colin and Penelope’s relationship, especially at this phase. They’re friends, yes, but other feelings are starting to get all mixed in. They flirt quite easily with each other, but that makes things more complicated. A playful but multi-layered fugue illustrates this pretty well, I think.

Then we have our second Mozart string quartet of the episode, the first movement of Mozart’s String Quartet No. 3, when Eloise inadvertently lets it slip to Cressida that Colin is helping Penelope find a husband. This piece isn’t a concerto or a fugue, but it does still have an interplay between the instruments that, to me, creates a similar effect. There are several moments within this movement where the violin will start the musical line and one of the other instruments will finish it, like passing a baton. Or, again, like lively and comfortable conversation! To me, it feels a little bit like two people winking at one another as they catch each other’s meaning. 

There’s also a fun little bit about two-thirds of the way through the piece where, for not even 30 seconds, the tone of the music changes entirely, to something darker and more dramatic. Musically this part is known as the “development,” which is where the music meanders and does a bunch of interesting things before it returns to the main theme that was introduced in the beginning. This is a very common musical technique, but it doesn’t appear quite so starkly in any of the other pieces used in ep. 2. Since this piece plays during an Eloise and Cressida scene, we could take this darker interlude to be a reflection of Eloise’s relationship with Penelope—how it has taken a dramatic turn but will be righted again before long. We can also look at it through a Polin lens, since Penelope and Colin’s relationship takes a similar trajectory. Either way, I like the idea that there’s a bit of dark foreshadowing in this otherwise playful, flirtatious piece of music.

From there, we have the fourth movement of Mozart’s String Quartet No. 23, which plays as the Mondriches enter the scene. Other than the Beethoven pieces, this is the longest piece used during this episode, and it gets the most airtime. It plays for the entire duration of Benedict’s spiel about how married couples are free from the rules of society because they have already fulfilled their duty. And I love this piece for this moment because it really goes places. This movement has some fugal passages, giving it that same flirtatious quality as the other pieces used this episode, but there’s also moments where the tone gets much more dramatic, moments when the tempo seems to slow or get interrupted, syncopated sections that almost feel cartoonish… The character of the piece is surprising, and it evolves over time, and—I think—it reflects the journey the Mondriches have been on since season 1 and the surprising evolution their life has taken in season 3. And will continue to take! As they figure out how to navigate this new world and learn that it’s not as simple as Benedict made it seem.

Okay, now onto the last bit of sandwich filling, the first movement of Joseph Schuster’s String Quartet No. 2 in B-flat Major, which plays while Lady Danbury leads the Queen away from the main ball and while Eloise’s group of debutantes lament their chance to show off. Is this piece also flirtatious? Yes, I think this piece has a similar quality to Mozart’s String Quartet No. 3, where sometimes musical lines started by one instrument get picked up and finished by another. But another thing I find really interesting about this piece is that it’s a case of mistaken identity. This piece was composed around 1780, but until the 1960s music scholars attributed the piece to Mozart. And to use this piece during this scene is particularly compelling, because it’s the moment that Cressida denies having any good gossip, but also the moment when the gossip about Penelope and Colin begins to spread throughout the ball anyway, which Eloise (and Colin) mistakenly blames Cressida for. There’s also maybe a deeper meta here about mistaken identities that could tie into Cressida’s false claims to the Lady Whistledown name, which is interesting to consider in contrast to this moment at the ball where Cressida—unlike later in the season—chooses to be the bigger person and renounces the lure of gossip in favor of protecting her new friendship with Eloise. 

Which brings us to the final piece of music featured at this ball, the second movement from Beethoven’s Piano Sonata No. 23, the “Appassionata.” Which is of course relevant because Francesca earlier admits to loving it so much during her abbreviated conversation with Lord Petri. Petri describes Francesca’s favorite pieces as “expressive music,” which is fitting for a musical work nicknamed “Passionate.” Francesca also says, “I mostly enjoy the chord progressions,” in response to Petri getting all “can’t you feel it in the music?” and although Petri was talking about the Ries Piano Trios, I like thinking about Francesca’s response in relation to the second movement of the “Appassionata” because that movement is one big theme-and-variation—there’s a musical theme introduced at the beginning, and then that theme is repeated two more times with variations in the melodic structure but always with the same chord progressions.

One thing I love about this piece as the close-out to the ball is the way, with each subsequent variation on the theme, the music builds and builds. It starts out slow and in a low register, and it gets faster and higher pitched as it goes (the part we hear Francesca playing is the fast high part). There’s a really obvious analogy to sex here, which is clear in Petri’s reaction and Francesca’s discomfort with his reaction—which is appropriate because sex is such a major motif in this episode (“Inserts himself? Inserts himself where?”). But there’s also the analogy to the build-up that we’re about to experience at the end of the episode, the way everything Penelope has been through the past couple episodes (couple seasons, really) culminates in that first unbelievably passionate kiss between her and Colin. 

But, more than that! The second movement of the “Appassionata” doesn’t have a true ending—it’s through-composed with the third movement, so that the two are meant to be listened to back-to-back. If you listen to the end of the second movement by itself, you’ll hear a chord that sounds like it’s supposed to resolve to a nice clear ending, but then instead of resolving, that chord is followed by an intriguing, dissonant, kinda jazzy-sounding musical lick. If you didn’t proceed to the third movement right away, musically, you’d be left hanging. (And even once you’re into the third movement, it takes a while for the music to properly resolve.) And I love this! Why do I love this? A while back, I did an analysis of Polin’s theme (from the original score) and wrote a bunch of stuff about how their musical theme, the way we hear it in part 1 of the season, feels unresolved, suspending us in the tension of their uncertain relationship status. We only get proper musical resolution in their theme in part 2, after they’re engaged. So using the second movement from the “Appassionata,” with its false ending, at the conclusion of the Full Moon ball—a ball which encapsulates so much of what’s going on in the episode overall—is such a great way to foreshadow the end of the episode: the build-build-build to the passionate kiss and then—! Leave us hanging as Penelope runs away and Colin’s life starts falling apart around him.  

Speaking of endings…! It’s time to circle back around to the first piece of bread in our Beethoven sandwich, the sixth movement from Beethoven’s String Quartet No. 13…

If you’ve stuck with me this far, hang in there for just bit longer! Maybe take a quick break and grab a snack. ;) 

I thought a lot about the usage of the allegro finale from Beethoven’s Op. 130 in this episode. It’s such an interesting choice, not necessarily because of the music itself, but because of the history of the entire quartet. See, when Beethoven first composed String Quartet No. 13, it had a different final movement. However, at the first performance, that movement received such a negative reaction that Beethoven’s publisher convinced him to write a replacement. The replacement is what’s used in the show. And it has an entirely different character from the original. The new finale is light and cheery, while the original was dense and complicated. The original was panned by critics as being incomprehensible, inaccessible, and difficult to both listen to and play. (Give it a listen. You may find that it makes you deeply uncomfortable 😅 but it’s definitely an experience!) The new finale, on the other hand, is…a dance! It’s bouncy and positively Haydnesque, and completely uncontroversial.

The original was ultimately published as its own work under the title “Grosse Fugue,” as Beethoven’s Op. 133. However, some Beethoven enthusiasts and music scholars will argue that the correct way to play String Quartet No. 13 is with the original ending, the way Beethoven intended. Preferences vary, though, and what this means is…there are two possible, perfectly valid, endings to this piece of music. And each ending has a completely different vibe. 

Do you see where I’m going with this? 😉

This piece plays as we are welcomed into the Full Moon ball, and when I set out to do this analysis, I was originally looking at the allegro finale on its own, trying to find something meaningful in its structure or its harmonies… But I think what’s most interesting about it, in the context of this episode, is that it represents the duality of choice. And there’s a few different layers this could apply to: Eloise and Cressida’s decision whether or not to share the gossip about Colin helping Penelope, Colin’s choice to help Penelope in the first place (and to continue to help her after the journal faux pas)...his choice—at the end of the episode—to kiss her. The Queen's choice of a diamond, even! But if we’re talking about possible endings, then this piece is really setting us up for the ultimate narrative choice between Colin and Lord Debling. And it’s fitting as an introduction to the Full Moon ball because it’s at this ball that Colin gets his first taste of jealousy and competition, and then of course it’s Penelope’s humiliation at this ball that is the catalyst for the kiss that sends Colin into his downward spiral of desperate, all-consuming love. So whereas at the end of ep. 1 Colin may have been able to go about his life acting as though he was unconcerned about whatever feelings he may or may not have had for Penelope at that point, by the end of ep. 2 that’s simply not at all possible anymore. And so the show starts building the foundations of one of Penelope’s possible choices, one of her potential endings. (And I guess whether or not you consider Debling to be a perfectly valid alternative ending depends on what kind of Polin shipper you are. 😉) 

So there you have it: the drama of choice, the sexiness and frustration of building yet unresolved tension, misunderstandings (and, you might even say, the probable pains of friendship), SO much flirting—some easy and straightforward, some ceaseless and unvarying, some deliciously complex… All present at the ball, throughout the episode, and in the Classical soundtrack.

♥

And here's some of the research I did for this post:

Beethoven's String Quartet No. 13: https://www.earsense.org/chamber-music/Ludwig-van-Beethoven-String-Quartet-No-13-in-B-flat-major-Op-130/

Beethoven's String Quartet No. 13: https://www.brentanoquartet.com/notes/beethoven-quartet-opus-130/

Beethoven's String Quartet No. 13: https://www.maramarietta.com/the-arts/music/classical/beethoven/

Bach's Violin Concerto No. 2: https://www.laphil.com/musicdb/pieces/4549/violin-concerto-in-e-major-bwv-1042

Mozart's String Quartet No. 8: https://fugueforthought.de/2018/07/01/mozart-string-quartet-no-8-in-f-k-168/

Mozart's String Quartet No. 3: https://fugueforthought.de/2016/08/27/w-a-mozart-string-quartet-no-3-in-g-k-156/

Mozart's String Quartet No. 23: https://www.talkclassical.com/threads/mozart-string-quartet-23-k590-sq-review.81909/

Schuster's String Quartet No. 2: https://www.earsense.org/chamber-music/Joseph-Schuster-String-Quartet-in-B-flat-major-No-2-KAnh-C2001-K-Anh-210/

Beethoven's "Appassionata": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tR706pYvNl0&

[suzannahnatters]

My final Love Like the Galaxy reaccs!!! the tl;dr:  I loved it and it's the sort of show that probably demands to be seen twice because TWISTS and HINDSIGHT so IDK, one day maybe! Anyway it's either on Viki or on YouTube for anyone who wants to see what happens when Jane Austen comedy of manners meets The Count of Monte Cristo, but, like, in Ancient China, featuring an epic romance between a naive sledgehammer engineer girl and the terrifying murder general who cannot help looking utterly besotted with her every time she drifts past: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZZZLpfFwcBprNI6msl3NWt3pdX6F-eGs And now: for the reaccs for episodes 43-56, including the famous Murder Party (TM), check under the cut!!!

If Yang Yang ends up with Smug Scholar instead of her sweet little marquis I WILL throw things (thankfully, the sweet little marquis is getting actual screentime with her)

oh I LOVE this: the Empress apologises to Consort Yue for stealing her husband, and Consort Yue points out that if it's anyone's fault it's the Emperor's, and why should the Empress apologise? it's the little things, you know?!

I love that in amongst all this scowly strategising and betrayal and people's families in mortal danger…there's a whole running joke about whether the armour Niao Niao made her beloved makes him look more like a chicken or a mandarin duck

cdramas asking the real questions

wow they really kept like 90% of the action budget for this episode and money well spent say I

once again murder general is rushing off to save our girl, only this time he guesses precisely where she is and what she's doing, and knows she's probably doing a great job of it :')

GASP we are suspicious of Elder Brother Snacks now???

I've got a bad feeling about him and the crown princess turning out to be bad eggs - almost as though we're building up to a BIG BETRAYAL between our babies

Wan QiQi swaggering into prison in a wedding dress is the energy I aspire to

Hmm… Lou Ben feels very very foreshadowy of an obsessive man making a self destructive choice to grab what he wants no matter how it hurts the woman he loves

All the foreshadowing is REALLY mounting up now - Snacks still caring about NN but not wanting to see her after what she's done, NN observing of another couple that they were birds on the same tree but flew apart when trouble came

Anyway we are all headed for a heck of a third act breakup aren't we

is zisheng,,, allergic to almonds

what an absolutely bonkers twist

poor little Wang Ling! how terrible does her family have to be that she is trying to save her murderous traitor of an elderly husband, just because he treated her better than anyone else in her life?

"he even had a flower garden planted in my courtyard to please me, although he has life-threatening asthma! which means that he can't visit me very often! he's the best husband, Niao Niao!" okay Mrs Charlotte Collins

"Cheng Shaoshang, it seems you really don't know anything about Ling Zisheng" OOOOOOHH

Smug Scholar: a voice of reason. a stickler by the rules. an indefatigable drama queen who is quite ready to beg murder general to go right ahead, be his guest, do crime, because then Smug might get to marry Niao Niao instead

torture is always wrong, revenge kids! that said, it's very funny that murder general has been busy with hot iron and boiling oil all night and found out nothing, while NN has put herself fully abreast of the situation armed with nothing more than…a conversation with a female acquaintance

"wait - all that stuff you did in my name was ALSO in pursuit of your revenge plot? who are you really?" this show keeps serving the best stuff

matching bite marks on the arm is a way cooler idea than matching tattoos tbh

why are you not telling her, zisheng, she already knows!!!

she's sworn up and down (with bitten arms!) that she won't mind, it's keeping this from her that she can't forgive, get a clue!!!!!

ooooo - we have been cordially invited to a MURDER PARTY love the gearchange from Jane Austen Romcom to Jacobean Revenge Tragedy

OK LET'S GO, WHERE'S THAT MURDER PARTY I WAS PROMISED

Glad that we were given this scene of Marquis Chengyang being delusional and Chunyu being Justly Terrified that the young man obsessed with revenge has finally agreed to come to his father's birthday party, it doesn't quite explain how nobody realises this is Very Bad News but at least lampshades it

Since filial piety is the norm in this society, I guess it's hard for the elders to realise just how at risk they are from someone unfilial!

I LOVE that Chunyu (sp? the stepmother) gets a whole speech to point out the hypocrisy of HER continually bearing the blame of "climbing into the master's bed" after so many ppl in the show have ridiculed her for it as though it wasn't a decision made by the marquis

oooooooooooohhh this is amazing: Yang Yang is disturbed that NN's farewell before the wedding sounds like she doesn't ever intend to return home. and from NN's response, she KNOWS murder general is about to do something crazy and is fully prepared to suffer the consequences alongside him

it's…really amazing that during the stretch of the cdrama when the male lead traditionally starts Machinating and Scheming and lying to the female lead about it, THIS show keeps the heroine's agency intact, she sees right through his lies, she is still front and centre. Chef's kiss.

she knows where it's happening; she knowns when it's happening; she's sending someone for news. she's amazing and so are these writers.

meanwhile: murder general refusing to enlighten the marquis as to his true identity is Irene of Athens-level pettiness and I love it

the way this show keeps this whole episode focused on the story's main character even though she has little to do with -

oh wait never mind she has decided to involve herself anyway!!! now we get the entire Cheng family charging into battle? with NN at their head on a black horse? EPIC?????

well THAT was the best of Jacobean revenge tragedy

shocked to discover that Zisheng has Always Known who was really behind the fall of the lone city - he's just been quietly, methodically working through the destruction of all the perpetrators, COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO style

I love a protagonist who holds cards so close to his chest that not even the audience knows what's going on

more than that, it really adds nuance to the show's themes about revenge. Sometimes the system is broken, & even in a good system people will sometimes get away with murder. What to do then?

I can't support the vindictiveness of the leads (& I'm not sure I'm meant to) but as revenge plots go, I like the weightiness of the themes - how to fight for yourself in a world where laws and manners tell you you shouldn't? - better than Dumas' more superficial take.

where did these two henchmen come from, because they are NOT being paid enough to be part of this absolute disaster

also WHEE Niao Niao gets to swoop in and save HIM for once! Well done our girl!

oh what an idiot. what an absolute peanut.

I was pulling for you, murder general, but I'm not sure how you'll manage to come back from doing the One Thing (abandoning her) she asked you not to do

she's still calling him by his false name T_T

something something she only ever knew him by his false name and identity not his true one

moment of silence, please, I'm experiencing an emotion

well, duh - of COURSE Third Prince is here to collect NN to go help him plead for murder general, who has obviously been quietly helping him all along. even better: we don't know if NN is just figuring this out now or has known it for months but she understands it perfectly, just like we do, the moment she sees Third Prince's face

!!! murder general has been deceiving everyone in so many other ways too???????

it's not just that he knew all along who was responsible for the lone city's fall and has just been working silently to gather evidence on them: he ALSO has been playing four dimensional speed chess with palace politics, supporting a totally different faction to the one he was supposed to be aligned with?

IT WAS HIM IN THE PAGODA ALL ALONG????

I just love the sort of character who plays certain things SO close to the chest while also being utterly open and vulnerable about certain other things. like, as long as we trust their judgement for hiding the certain things and know it's not for purposes of control. and while NN does interpret his secretiveness as control, due to her upbringing, it's also easy in hindsight to see things from zisheng's POV: he is playing not one but several high stakes political games, treading a tightrope between the prince he is supposed to be supporting versus the prince who would clearly be a better choice, and now suddenly thrown into the middle of all this is a naive and well-meaning sledgehammer fiancee who is an absolute force of nature but who is not yet quite insightful enough to see and understand where the deep waters run; she's simply driven by personal loyalty to protect her empress' son. and she keeps forcing choices on him: protect her, or serve the Third Prince? and he makes tremendous sacrifices, as with the Tiger Tally, to save both of them. so is he going to take the risk and tell her and trust in her, or is he going to keep her in the dark just about this, until the game is over (it's so close to being over) and he can be as candid about these things as he can be about everything else?

but at the same time, he was so frustrated with her for not being candid with him, for not telling him when the mean girls tried to KILL her, for lying to him about choosing to help the crown prince - he should have known better than to reproach her about this when he was doing exactly the same things to her all along.

I love that the show just doesn't support him in this. for two people who both say they want to work as a team, these two both spend an awful lot of time keeping things from each other. and it's only after going away and thinking about it that I start to see his side of the story at all, because she is so totally front-and-centred in the way the story is told.

oh wow - now she gets a whole speech and thesis statement about how just because she's a woman she shouldn't be shut out of her husband's confidence, and ends: "Ling Buyi is my most beloved person in the world. But I am still me."

I love this show so much

It's really wild that murder general, who everyone knows went on a murderous rampage to kill the entire Ling clan, goes from being condemned to death to the apple of the emperor's eye based on his surname changing

no doubt it's historically accurate and murder uncle, at least, deserved it - but for me it's just another sign of how irretrievably this system is broken, that bloodline so clearly outweighs right and wrong.

I'll be chewing over the question of whether this last-minute aversion of filial impiety ("it's ok! he was doing it to avenge his REAL father!") undermines NN's previous point about the right to filial reverence depends on a parent's conduct, or whether it's an author's saving throw to secure a HEA

"but I can never forgive him for abandoning me - he even swore it was for my sake" aha! How To Critique The Break Her Heart To Save Her Trope (Without Actually Using The Trope??????) this show didn't HAVE to hunt down and kill every bad Asian drama romance trope like this but is that stopping it? no

Empress telling NN that whatever decision she makes, she will support her in - hits like a punch because the only person who's told her this till now is murder general. On the other hand it is comforting, and underlines the themes of NN being a whole person without him, bc she still has love and support!

as an aside, I also like how the show has handled NN's terrible parents. by the end of the show, she's fought for, and won, their respect and support, & has come to understand the pressures they are under. but she will never love them the way she loves the Empress, bc they haven't earned that love. I feel this consolidates the filial piety critique.

we finally get to hear murder general's side of the story - and it's fascinating to hear him say that he failed. he did everything to bring ling yi to justice - and couldn't. the murder party was his failure.

I'm finding the murder party less problematic at this point than the Censorate beating

whoah, the empress is sailing in to admit that she spoiled her children until they were useless, so she's not upset about the crown prince being demoted? seems a rather unfortunate theme if children are only ever bad because of bad parenting

NN still taking absolutely no prisoners in the romance, though: "oh, I understand you perfectly. the problem is that you never understood ME" that's quite a burn

The Empress is now requesting to be deposed, and it's a complicated scene - is she blaming herself, or voicing regrets? I think she's regretting not fighting for herself: as she points out, her accepting a menage a trois has not spoiled Consort Yue's life so much as it has spoiled her own chance at love.

while the show has sometimes been finger-wagging, it's saved here bc she also blames the Emperor for going along with the flow, too, and tamely accepting a three-way marriage.

meanwhile at home, everyone's like "Niao Niao is so mature now!" and I'm sitting here like NO SHE'S NOT, SHE'S HAD ALL THE HAPPINESS CRUSHED OUT OF HER and…….along comes Not-Quite-So-Bad-Mum to say that precise thing, and confess to having been wrong all along???? This show just keeps hitting.

Love that NN's 3rd brother is completely on her side at this moment. he understands the assignment ("break up with murder general and send him away with a flea in his ear") and executes it with prejudice.

oh…mum has repented too late. I'm not sorry for her, but I AM sorry for the way NN chooses to spend the next forever - when there were so many things she wanted to see and do!

and now: five years' worth of mutual pining in excruciatingly aesthetic slomo, thank you

meanwhile everyone in the Cheng family is getting married? Yang Yang is getting married? Mum's warrior maid is getting married? Good for you warrior maid!

Smug Scholar, otoh, has remained UNmarried for our girl, and I actually love the choice he's presenting her - NN doesn't much care who she marries if it's a business arrangement; she just won't marry the man she loves knowing he was willing to lie to her and abandon her

is it really weird that I suddenly want to write the story about the coldly pragmatic fake marriage of convenience between NN and Smug Scholar

!!!! she IS going to get engaged to him??? murder general is going to come back from five years of picturesquely scruffy suffering to find her engaged to Smug Scholar??!?!?!!!??!

oh this will be GOOD

"thanks, but I can ride without stirrups these days" I love that this show is allowing the heroine to establish a life of her own apart from the hero - they have to be complete on their own before they can be good for each other.

and now: a break from reality for an absolutely bonkers carriage chase, which, because this is a cdrama, comes complete with one of the parties trying to extort a proposal of marriage from the person chasing them

I swear this is the third time this exact same cliff has cropped up in this show, one would think that people would know better than to gallop madly down the DEAD END CLIFF ROAD

Empress pays her last respects to the emperor: "I know that if it wasn't for Emperor Li's tyranny you would have asked nothing more than to live a simple life" LIESSSS this man requires a constant stream of drama to live, how would he have survived as a gentleman farmer?

"if you are truly filial, don't exchange your life for mine. Live well." while this show has come down in the end in favour of filial piety, I think that for the most part it keeps filial piety where it belongs: subordinate to ethics - and that's something I can get behind.

With NN decided that murder general is not the man for her and murder general determined to accept her decision, I really don't see how this will get believably sorted out in the next…3 eps. Bc she's absolutely right, he had his chance and he blew it. That said, I was really worried the show would blame her for being unreasonable, but only the recent antagonist has done that

even NN's mother is now telling him: we don't need you to perform guilt for us, we also had our chance with NN and blew it, now we can only defer to her conscience AND YOU SHOULD TOO

so, I guess we're headed for an "undeserved grace" ending, and I hope they make it a convincing one and not cheap, bc it's too late to show him doing any work to prove his repentance.

oh I love this scene: she tells him she forgives him but cannot trust him, and he without defending himself, vows to live well and take care of himself (because quietly protecting the people she cares about is the one last thing he can do for her)

and he won't ever tell her that he's been doing this because he knows it would only make her despise him more!!!

time for the bad family to apologise, the grandmother in particular for trying to control her children, and Niao Niao to decide no longer to carry resentment, but to dwell on the people who love her instead

I love that the themes have largely to do with resisting control, even when it's from family members, and fighting for yourself. Even more, I love that the highest expression of this theme comes in the trust there's supposed to be between husband and wife. Sometimes, lack of communication IS an attempt at control - although on thinking it over I'm not sure it always has been that on murder general's side. but if there's one thing the past five years must have taught him, it's that he's going to have to be be particularly open with this particular woman, because her family HAS tried so hard to be controlling in the past, and she can't take even the appearance of it from him.

somehow, yet another of NN's old enemies has an overly complicated plan to kill her sigh

loving how murder general jumps into this trap and promptly becomes useless and it's time for the lil henchmen to save the day

stop shouting his name and figure out how to open the trapdoors Niao Niao, smoke inhalation is no joke

murder general looks amazing for someone who was just blown up

TEARFUL RECONCILIATION SCENE

ahaha Snacks has fallen in love with his wife, we love to see it

Smug Scholar, meanwhile (exact words): are you all done flaunting your love?

EXPLODING PICKLES

flailing I love it NN is deploying her secret weapon….the family Cheng

"you can't be in two places at once, General!"

maybe not, but wifey and he can

"i'd like to see who interferes with my best granddaughter's marriage!"

*smash cut to the emperor having a hissyfit because he can't interfere with the marriage *

it's over? pokes couch cushions for spare episodes

OK I LOVED that murder general's grand gesture in the final ep comes in the form of a dilemma. should he go rescue his beloved as everyone is telling him - or should he stay on task, submit to everyone's ridicule for not protecting his woman, and risk her thinking he's abandoned her again?

his answer shows that at last, he has come to truly understand her (five years after she told him he'd never understood her). it's not physical abandonment she truly fears. what she fears is not being trusted & allowed to act as his equal. So he leaves her to protect Guo village while he stays on HIS task. His grand gesture, after so many rescues, is not to rescue her at all.

SCREAMING at that moment when Third Prince is like, seriously, mate, you'd better not abandon her! she needs help!!! go on I'll be fine!! and Zisheng VISIBLY WAVERS and then pulls himself together and shouts GUO VILLAGE HAS NIAO NIAO! GUO VILLAGE WILL BE FINE!!!

since the root of the contention between them was always him not treating her as an equal, this is probably the best proof of change we could get in the screentime. and the show is very insistent to tell us that if NN bends to take him back, it's because it's what SHE wants, not bc she can't survive without him.

the show does give her that moment of fright during the explosion to rush her past her abandonment issues, but since the real issue was always about control, I can make my peace with it. Similarly, she taught him a 5-year lesson about not consulting her. He knows - & her family makes it explicit - that he can never pull something like this again.

final overall thoughts: I have rarely seen such a well done romance in Asian drama, especially cdrama. The show was long & got repetitive, especially in the 2nd half, even though it had some of my favourite stretches as NN starts fighting for respect & equality within her marriage.

The themes about family, state, and fighting for oneself got fingerwaggy at a lot of points, many side characters were brutally humiliated and many of the numerous female characters became nonsensically villainous just to give NN antagonists. So, I would say the show is quite flawed.

that said, what this show does well, it does SO WELL. I was absolutely invested in this romance to an extent that is very rare for me. I was delighted by the way the show critiques asian romance tropes, there's a wonderful Dumas-level revenge plot, the fight scenes while rare are terrific, the show remains laser focused on its female protagonist all the way to the end, and if you are not delighted by the utterly besotted looks murder general serves up five times per episode, I don't know what to do with you.

[crestfallercanyon]

✨Tag Game Wednesday Thursday✨

Thanks for tagging me!! @jrooc — we’re talking music this week!

Name: crest

What is the most listened to artist in your music app of choice this month? Bombay Bicycle Club just dethroned Remi Wolf because I keep listening to the same song on repeat lmao

What song do you know all the lyrics to? Several — but the songs I sing to loudest in the car are Street You Live On (Live Version) by Remi Wolf and Other Side of Paradise by Glass Animals

What song do you pretend to know all the lyrics to and sing along to even though you don’t? Anything by NSYNC

If you were to be crowned Queen/King/Royalty of listening to a band or artist, who would that be? The Japanese House or Glass Animals

What band/artist surprises you the most on your frequently listened to artists? I’m not surprised by any.

Favourite line from a song (or one you have been thinking about lately? I love music and this was genuinely me narrowing it down lol —

“I was thinking about who you are, Your delicate point of view, I was thinking about you — I’m not worried about where you are, Or who you will go home to, I’m just thinking about you.” Little Freak by Harry Styles (Honestly, Matilda by Harry Styles is also incredible too)

“While you were sleeping I turned up the dials, and I walled up your kingdom with radio wires…” This Empty Northern Hemisphere by Gregory Alan Isakov

“I know I shouldn’t need it but I want affection, know I shouldn’t want it but I need attention, Know I shouldn’t say it but I had to mention —“ Touching Yourself by Japanese Waterhouse

“I am the driver, I am the shadow, and I am the hearse.” Mr. Rattlebone by Matt Maeson

Guilty pleasure band or song? Look, the Glee version of Smooth Criminal was fucking incredible and still holds up. Fight me.

Okay let’s talk fandom music:

Fave band or song you’ve discovered from a Fan Fic? This December (Slow) by Ricky Montgomery and @hamartian-cathexis showed me for Thomally: Take it Out on Me by White Lies

Fave Fanfic Playlist? I’ve only seen broken links to playlists I’ve read actually, so I don’t have one — But it sounds fun!

Fave Gallavich song? I’m going to be honest, I was going to say Basic Instinct but because of jrooc I listened to Thunder or Lightning and that IS a bop so I have the same answer:

Basic Instinct - The Acid OR It’s Thunder or Lightning by We Were Promised Jetpacks

Do you listen to music recommended by the writer or an included playlist? Usually! Unless it’s an artist I know I don’t like, I love finding new music.

What song do you think is Gallavich coded? I’m sorry I’m gonna be annoying and suggest a few

I Summon You — Spoon (which I feel like is actually in Shameless but I honestly can’t remember if my brain is tricking me on that or if that’s true)

Run My Mouth by Ra Ra Riot (more just Ian coded but I see it fitting Mickey too)

Also, for something that’s just kind of Shameless/Gallagher coded, I recommend Happy Family by Sundara Karma

(And Thank you for I need a forest fire - Bon Iver/James Blake because now it’s on my playlists btw)

What’s a bop you want to share with your mutuals today? Was gonna suggest Chappell Roan but I think she’s covered —

Talk it Up by Sammy Rae & the Friends is a jazzy bop, so there’s my rec to you ❤️

Now some tags!!!

@michellemisfit , @callivich , @mmmichyyy , @sam-loves-seb , @gallawitchxx , @mybrainismelted , and anyone else who wants to do this!

[casautism]

a deep dive into my dean winchester playlist

(this is not all of them, there’s so many zeppelin references that i might explode trying to get all of them)

as far as song choice goes, i either picked my favorites, or ones I thought applied to dean best !

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

S1E01 - pilot

sam goes through dean’s cassette collection and lists mötorhead, metallica, and black sabbath

motörhead [orgasmatron / overkill]

metallica [creeping death / metal militia]

black sabbath [sabbath bloody sabbath / neon knights]

other motörhead references include… S10E22, S14E19

other metallica references include… S1E4, S4E12

other black sabbath references include… S2E18, S10E22, S11E11

☆ ☆ ☆

S1E10 - asylum

dean introduces himself as nigel tufnel (of spinal tap)

[stonehenge / hell hole]

☆ ☆ ☆

S1E11 - scarecrow

dean introduces himself as john bonham (led zeppelin’s late drummer)

[ramble on / traveling riverside blues] <- also listed as his favorite songs in S4E18

other zeppelin references include… S3E5, S5E5, S8E16, and probably like 30 others

☆ ☆ ☆

S1E14 - nightmare

dean introduces him and sam as “father simmons and father frehley” (gene simmons and ace frehley of kiss)

[rock and roll all nite / detroit rock city]

other kiss references include… S10E18

☆ ☆ ☆

S1E17 - hell house

dean recognizes the symbols drawn from a blue öyster cult record

[then came the last days of may / (don’t fear) the reaper]

☆ ☆ ☆

S2E09 - croatoan

the boys pose as us marshals billy gibbons and frank beards (zz top)

[gimme all your lovin / sharp dressed man]

☆ ☆ ☆

S3E16 - no rest for the wicked

dean uses a license with the name “hagar” (sammy hagar of van halen)

[jump / runnin with the devil]

☆ ☆ ☆

S4E5 - monster movie

the boys use the aliases “agent angus and agent young” (angus young of ac/dc)

[hells bells / thunderstruck]

☆ ☆ ☆

S4E6 - yellow fever

sam and dean use the aliases “tyler and perry” (steven tyler and joe perry of aerosmith)

[same old song and dance / walk this way]

☆ ☆ ☆

S5E14 - my bloody valentine

the boys use the aliases cliff and marley (famous reggae musicians jimmy cliff and bob marley)

[I Can See Clearly Now / You Can Get It If You Really Want]

[Could You Be Loved / Get Up, Stand Up]

☆ ☆ ☆

S8E2 - what’s up, tiger mommy?

dean introduces himself as sam as “agents neil and sixx” (vince neil and nikki sixx of mötley crüe)

[Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away) / Bastard]

☆ ☆ ☆

S8E4 - bitten

the boys identify themselves as “special agents rose and hudson” (saul hudson (slash) and axl rose of guns n’ roses)

[november rain / paradise city]

☆ ☆ ☆

S8E8 - hunteri heroici

team free will uses the aliases “nash, crosby, and stills” (graham nash, david crosby, and stephen stills, famous folk rock musicians)

[I Used To Be A King / Better Days]

[Immigration Man / I’d Swear There Was Somebody Here]

[Love The One You’re With / Rock and Roll Crazies]

☆ ☆ ☆

In S8E17 - goodbye stranger

the boys use the aliases “tandy and lynne” (richard tandy and jeff lynne of electric light orchestra)

[Mr. Blue Sky / Telephone Line]

☆ ☆ ☆

S9E14 - captives

the boys use the aliases “nicks and mcvie” (stevie nicks and christine mcvie of fleetwood mac)

[Landslide / Dreams]

☆ ☆ ☆

S10E13 - halt & catch fire

sam and dean use the aliases “cobain and grohl” (kurt cobain and dave grohl of nirvana)

[About A Girl / Where Did You Sleep Last Night]

☆ ☆ ☆

S10E14 - the executioners song

sam and dean use the aliases “moore and ranaldo” (thursten moore and lee ranaldo of sonic youth)

[Teen Age Riot / Superstar]

☆ ☆ ☆

S10E19 - the werther project

dean goes undercover as a member of the neighborhood watch using the name dwight twilley

[I’m On Fire / Looking For The Magic]

☆ ☆ ☆

S10E22 - the prisoner

the sherrif finds an id using the name freddie mercury (of queen)

[the show must go on / somebody to love]

☆ ☆ ☆

S11E4 - baby

dean uses the alias “agent walsh” (joe walsh of the eagles)

[Hotel California / Life In The Fast Lane]

☆ ☆ ☆

S11E13 - love hurts

dean uses the alias “agent weller” (paul weller of the jam)

[Town Called Malice / In The City]

☆ ☆ ☆

S11E20 - don’t call me shurley

sam and dean use the aliases “agent greer and ehart” (billy greer and phil ehart of kansas)

[carry on wayward son / play the game tonight]

☆ ☆ ☆

—————————

that was a lot. the complete list is can be found here !

i should have a “deep dive into my sam winchester playlist” coming soon !

[deathssunshine]

🍮I'm so bored rn so I tried to write fluff💀🍮

Warnings: none

Word count: 314

Game: Mr love queen choice

Pairing: victor X you

Character: Victor

Genre: Fluff I hope.

Description: Cuddling with victor and listening to music.

Extra notes: pudding makes a one second appearance.

Relax

My head lay against his chest as we rested on our plush bed in the comfort of our apartment. Victor played with my hair as he held me close. We were sharing earplugs as we listened to music together. We looked out the huge window at the beautiful city and night sky.

He rubbed my arm soothingly as he smiled to himself. We had been doing this for an hour now but both of us were far away from being tired of it. We had a bunch of different songs playing. From FAKE TYPE to Arctic Monkeys. Recently I've been trying to broaden Victor's taste in music instead of just classical music and surprisingly he enjoys it. I look up for my eyes to lock with his. I've never seen victor have such a soft look on his face before. The reflections of the building lights could be seen in his eyes as they gave his skin a soft glow. He had a homeish look to him. The strict tense CEO boss couldn't be recognised here. He had a smile on his face, a soft one, and his hair was all ruffled. His designer tie couldn't be seen around his neck at all with the top buttons of his shirt undone. I buried my face into his m̶i̶l̶k̶e̶r̶s̶ chest and breathed in the scent of sandalwood. It felt welcoming and peaceful. Victor pulled the blankets over us as pudding jumped on top of the bed and curled up next to us. He held me with both of his firm secure arms as he kissed the top of my head before leaning his head back and closing his eyes. I laid my head back in a position so I could look out at the city as I closed my eyes as well. We eventually fell asleep while listening to the playlist and bracing each other.

P.s- I hate Grammarly.

I'll try to post more lmao-

[indecentpause]

Two Heartbeats on One Page: A Collection of Playlists

This story has THREE playlists: a soundtrack and two character playlists. So here they are! I know I already shared the story link but this is just in case someone who hasn’t seen it comes across it in the wild :3

Jordan’s in love with two people (who are in love with each other), he hasn’t spoken to his parents in five years, and despite working almost sixty hours a week, he’s still ages away from having enough to pay for the three surgeries he needs to complete his gender confirmation. This would be a problem anywhere, but particularly so in small-town, homophobic Arizona.

He needs a vacation.

Darcey’s been discharged from the Army after knowing nothing else for eight years, he’s unemployed, and, at twenty-seven years old, he has no choice but to move back in with his parents. Since his discharge was dishonorable, he doesn’t even have health insurance to treat his PTSD.

He just needs some time to get back on his feet and reconnect with his family.

Instead, they find each other.

When Jordan takes Darcey home from a party, they mean it to be a one-night stand, but they turn out to be too compatible to want to give each other up. Neither wants a relationship, but a straightforward, no-strings-attached friends-with-benefits setup will keep things nice and neat, right?

Nope. Instead, everything gets messier.

read on ao3

read on wattpad

Two Heartbeats on One Page

n.e.r.d. - don’t worry about it // i monster - daydream in blue // josé gonzález - heartbeats // florence + the machine - cosmic love // massive attack feat. madonna - i want you // t.a.t.u. - show me love (fabricated remix) // katy perry - e.t. // purity ring - fineshrine // the faint - total job // garbage - you look so fine // kill hannah - lips like morphine // placebo feat. david bowie - without you i’m nothing // we are scientists - nobody move, nobody get hurt // michael franti & spearhead - i know i’m not alone // landon pigg - falling in love at a coffee shop // xtension chords - insomniac (live in studio) // broken social scene - anthems for a seventeen year-old girl // chameleon circuit - everything is ending // rosario dawson and adam pascal - without you // plain white t’s - hey there delilah // julia nunes - balloons // bon jovi - (you want to) make a memory // riley roth - stranger // the moldy peaches - anyone else but you

[listen]

Jordan

dog park dissidents - rev your motor // size of sadness - trans punx no bullshit) // sleater-kinney - combat rock // le tigre - nanny nanny boo boo // kmfdm - ready to blow // operation ivy - room without a window // anti-flag - this is the end (for you my friend) // skin jobs - gender bender // the tuts - give us something worth voting for // dog park dissidents - queer as in fuck you // new politics - yeah yeah yeah // kimya dawson - loose lips // tegan and sara - proud // mika - elle me dit // buzzcocks - ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with) // mgmt - time to pretend // the wombats - let’s dance to joy division // bug hunter - the key to being lonely // simon and milo - pretty girls // interpol - c’mere // mr. master - 500 miles // top bunk - dang // casiotone for the painfully alone - love connection // garbage - androgyny // ani difranco - what if no one’s watching // little boots - earthquake // the wreckers - leave the pieces

[listen]

Darcey

rise against - hero of war // placebo - haemoglobin // metric - monster hospital ( mstrkrft remix) // david bowie - five years // queens of the stone age - no one knows // anti-flag - 1 trillion dollar$ //regina spektor - you’ve got time // bob dylan, the anvener - masters of war (the avener rework) // stroke 9 - angels // gavin degraw - best i ever had // captain squeegee and the soap suds - securely caged // julia nunes - comatose // kmfdm - anarchy // flobots - handlebars // rage against the machine - calm like a bomb // rise against - whereabouts unknown // placebo - the never-ending why // cake - shadow stabbing // skybox - don’t get spin spin // julia nunes - first impressions // the cure - the same deep water as you // trocadero feat. meredith hagan - contact redux

[listen]

General taglist:  @ohsugarfoot​​​​ @abalonetea​​​​ @only-book-lovers-left-alive​​​​ @poore-choice-of-words​​​​ @leadhelmetcosmonaut​​​​ @jasperygrace​​​​ @drippingmoon​​​​ @viskafrer​​​​ @thelaughingstag​​​​ @athenswrites​​​​ @kaiusvnoir​​​​ @magic-is-something-we-create​​​​ @fictionalbullshitter​​​​​ @idreamonpaper​​​​​

if you want to be added or removed from the playlist tag, please don’t hesitate to let me know! unless you specify otherwise I will keep you on the general taglist for actual stories and chapters :)

[shokami]

ਏਓ ｡ ﾟ NOW PLAYING … FAIRY TAIL by yasuharu takanashi

༶ • ┈┈┈┈┈୨ 🍡 ୧┈┈┈┈┈ • ༶

STATUS : OPEN!!

the authors notes : although i have few rules– the world is your oyster, and i am at your creative disposal. if you’re interested in commissioning my work, simply shoot me an ask or DM for me to reach out to you about your inquiries– or reach out to me on discord !! < easiest option.

REASON BEHIND COMMISSIONS: living is difficult lmao, and quite frankly every penny would be a great help. not only to keep me afloat, but with common expenses!

how to pay & reach me outside of tumblr!

# 001. — discord: motheon

# 002. — email : to be announced.

# 003. — venmo, paypal, etc : will receive details about inquiries

PRICE AND WORD LIMITS : i have a minimum of 500 words, and a maximum of 8k words. (<- can be discussed). every 500 words costs $5.00. if there is a chance that i get inspired by the commision, and i go over the agreed amount of words, the additional amount added will be free of charge.

anything outside of traditional writing . . .

# 001. — headcanons : $5.00. all hc commissions will be over 1k words.

# 002. — NSFW or DC : extra fee of $5.00 on top of word count fee, hc fee, etc.

# 003. — extra : timestamps, scenarios, digital personalized letters from your favs, imagines . . . all $5.00. will be over 1k words.

# 004. — mood boards for selfships : $3.00. i will ask for information based on your selfship, and build off of that. included with the mood board will be a mini drabble. (will not be over 500 words).

# 005. — self ship SMAU’s : a max of ten slides for your selfship for $3.00. will not include a written portion, unless it is bought as an add on.

# 006. — self ship spotify playlist : $5.00. (will include up to 50 songs or more. depending completely on information you give me)

PERSONALIZATION OR VAGUE? i will accept either or commision. if personalization is chosen, it will include your name, ethnicity, pronouns, etc. anything that you would like to add to make it more personal for you, i am willing to include. if you choose a vague commision, it will be like any other content i create. a reader pov, gender neutral, with whatever plot/genre you desire to be included.

THE FANDOMS AND THE CHARACTERS : jujutsu kaisen, genshin impact, obey me, mr. love: queens choice, haikyuu, chainsaw man, demon slayer, noragami, inuyasha, kamisama kiss, bungo stray dogs, bnha, and more !! — if there is a fandom i have not listed, and you’re interested in commissioning it? simply let me know, and we’ll see if we can make any arrangements for it!

CHARACTER X CHARACTER : i do accept commissions for this type of fic. prices do not change for this type, and it can be discussed upon you reaching out to me … also noteworthy, i can include multiple characters in one commission for a regular selfship/reader x character.

OTHER THINGS TO BE AWARE OF:

# 001. — my blog is an 18+ zone, so this does not exclude my commissions. to commission me, you must either have your age present somewhere on your blog, or i must be informed with your age privately upon discussion of your request. if you request anything NSFW/DARK CONTENT: upon official commission, i must see some form of I.D.

# 002. — check out my BYF for things i do and do not write for. if you have any questions about those topics, just reach out to me and ask!

# 003. — you can choose to either have your commission received however you would like as long as it’s digital. you can do whatever you wish with your completed commission, all that i ask is that i receive credit if publicly posted.

# 004. — please be aware that while my commissions are open, it is a first come first served bases. on that topic, if commissions ever become overbooked they will close momentarily until i finish what i have. after that they will be reopened.

# 005. — with all of this said, you are not required to pay for the commission until it is complete. then you will proceed with payment, and the commission will be then sent to you!

# 006. — payment will only be accepted through the following ways! venmo, paypal, and apple pay. i am open to discussion!

thank you for considering supporting me via commision, and in general. i’m very thankful to have received endless amounts of love from every one of you - xx jinx ਏਓ ｡ ﾟ

© All rights reserved by SHOKAMI. Do not modify, repost on any platforms, plagiarize, or claim as your own

[tartagilicious]

forgive me i can’t stop making gavin playlists

these chapters literally managed to wreck me twice. twice. I knew full well what was going to happen but even so — 😔 as you’ll probably see, a good number of these songs are about finding someone again, or stepping into a new life, because I was definitely focusing on that part of the story. it’s angsty and fun lol

anyway, when the mc gained the ability to reach the black cabin again, I chose gavin to have a reunion with first, of course, (that’s what I was babbling on about last night) and oh my, it’s so adorable!! 🥺 I think that’s the first time he’s blatantly hugged her like that, and I- sir, take my heart, I don’t need it anymore— I really wish that this was more of a romance game smh, I need that gavin fix more often. I hope that when the ending of the game does come, it’s similar to how chapter 24 works, and you can end with one of the four leads you choose. 

shoulder to shoulder by Tate McRae 

“give me tears and I’ll give you tissues, I’m always with you, I miss you when you go. give me years and I’ll be here listening, I’m always with you, I hope you always know.”

anyone else by PVRIS

“I could touch a hundred thousand souls, but none of them would ever feel like home. and no matter how far and wide I roam, you are the only one I’ll ever know. I don’t belong to anyone else.”

dangerous city by dvsn + ty dolla $ign

“in the dangerous city, it’s better if you come here to me. seems every day  it’s getting worse up in the city, but baby it’s safer with me because they know me. the only crime you’ll ever face is feeling lonely.”

where we come alive by Ruelle 

“I can see the future painted in my eyes. open up the door and fade into the light, dive into a world I know, take my hand and follow me into the sun.”

youth by Shawn Mendes + Khalid

“My heart is broken, but I keep going. Pain, but I won’t let it turn into hate, no I won’t let it change me. never losing sight of the one I keep inside, now I know it — you can’t take my youth away, this soul of mine will never break.”

don’t forget about me by CLOVES

“is it true that you’re watching out? and when I’m tired, do you lay down with me in my head so I can sleep without you? without you there’s holes in my soul. where have you gone? I just need to know that you won’t forget about me.”

heart of darkness by Tommee Profitt

“you feel your body shake, fear like a phantom waits.here we are in the heart of the darkness, hold fast we must be brave, in the heart of the darkness. the quiet, it swallows us. what’s waiting around the corner?”

soldier by Fleurie 

“soldier keep on marching on, head down til the work is done. you wanna take a drink of that promised land, you gotta wipe the dirt off of your hands, careful son, you’ve got a dreamer’s plan.”

find you by Mark Diamond

“love I will find you, I will search til I’m sore. until you are all mine again, and I am all yours. face the sea, cast a wish, from your western balcony. if you need me, you know where I’ll be — I’ll be in your heart.”

don’t give up on me by Andy Grammer

“I will fight. I will fight for you. I always do, until my heart is black and blue. And I will stay. I will stay with you. We’ll make it to the other side like lovers do. I’ll reach my hands out in the dark and wait for yours to interlock. I’ll wait for you, ‘cause I’m not giving up on you.”

on your side by The Veronicas

“if we knew then what we do now, we’d hold our hands and take a bow. together we would stand our ground and fight. I remember the night we got drunk, I was sick on the subway. With your hands in my face said, “it don’t matter, babe, ‘cause I’m always on your side.”

walk through the fire by Zayde Wolf + Ruelle

“did we take too many chances? did we let too many pass us? did we throw it all away? we walk through the fire. Is there a way out? I try to understand how we’re again, in the middle of the storm.”

[lancelotscloak]

Colors I Have Known — MLQC Lucien's playlist 🦋

Note: I made this playlist last year, but never got the chance to share it (more like, I was afraid it wasn't good enough or I misinterpret Lucien's relationship with MC). But now I'm proud of the result and want you guys to have a listen too :)

Please enjoy it in order because I carefully chose the songs based on lyrics that describe his life before and after he met adult MC.

TRACKLIST:

Astronomical by SVRCINA

The endless of darkness is hovering The sound of the silence is deafening

Fine Again by Seether

It seems like every day's the same And I'm left to discover on my own It seems like everything is gray And there's no color to behold

They say it's over and I'm fine again, yeah Try to stay sober, feels like I'm dying here

Magic Man by Heart

Cold, late night so long ago When I was not so strong you know A pretty man came to me I never seen eyes so blue You know, I could not run away it seemed We'd seen each other in a dream Seemed like he knew me, he looked right through me

Strange and Beautiful (I'll Put a Spell on You) by Aqualung

I've been watching your world from afar I've been trying to be where you are And I've been secretly falling apart Unseen

Kiss from a Rose by Seal

You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain, baby To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny Won't you tell me, is that healthy, baby? But did you know that when it snows My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen?

Trampoline by SHAED

I've been havin' dreams Jumpin' on a trampoline Flippin' in the air I never land, just float there As I'm looking up Suddenly the sky erupts Flames alight the trees Spread to fallin' leaves Now they're right upon me

Wait if I'm on fire How am I so deep in love? When I dream of dying I never feel so loved

Love or Confusion by Jimi Hendrix

Oh, my mind is so messed up Going round and round Must there be all these colours Without names, without sound, baby?

My heart burns with feeling, but I Open my mind, it's cold and reeling Is this love, baby, or is it confusion?

Cut by Plumb

If you would just look me in the eye I feel alone here and cold here Though I don't want to die But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid I do not want to die inside just to breathe in I'm tired of feeling so numb Relief exists I find it when I am cut

Neptune by Sleeping at Last

I'm only honest when it rains If I time it right, the thunder breaks

When I open my mouth I wanna tell you but I don't know how I'm only honest when it rains An open book, with a torn out page

I Found by Amber Run

And I'll use you as a focal point So I don't lose sight of what I want And I've moved further than I thought I could But I missed you more than I thought I would

Colorless by Copeland

She used to rely upon your shoulder For your compassion to enfold her For your colorless to calm her red To the bluest greens and clearest clears instead Now the deepest blushing of your lover's kiss Will live forever in your consciousness It was red like wine and bent your mind the same To the roar of gold that you could never tame

Now I can't see you Were we colorless anyway? Now I can't feel you

Try Again by Keane

Why would I wanna see you now? To fix it up, make it up somehow

Baby, I'll try again Try again Baby, I die every night Every time

What I was isn't what I am I'd change back But I don't know if I can

Listen on Spotify or YouTube

[erenhasmyheart]

Calla’s Playlists!

hello, everybody! i just wanted to share with you some playlists that i’ve been working really hard on lately for my comfort characters. they’re not finished, i’m still adding and editing, however for these playlists i’ve tried to combine songs that i feel the lyrics fit well for them, situations i could see myself in with these characters and also songs i could see myself vibing to with them. you of course don’t have to listen, i just wanted to share them. i hope you enjoy! ^.^

Eren Jaeger my most listened to playlist tbh, he is the loml

Levi Ackerman 

Armin Arlert 

Tartaglia 

Zhongli my most relaxed playlist out of them all i think

Diluc 

Xiao 

Gavin 

[lys-lilac]

Listen to the anime version songs of MLQC here. Although I was disappointed in the anime, the songs were real good to soothe me out.

[otonymous]

I’m looking to add songs to my mr love playlist and I need some inspiration so I thought I could turn to you! What songs do you associate with our men~?

Hey dear Nonny!

Thanks so much for this fun Ask!  MUSIC IS LIFE so your question is right up my alley 🙌🏼

I actually have different playlists depending on the particular MLQC mood I’m in.  So since the thirst is real, why don’t we start with my Bump N’ Grind playlist?  (n.b. I have old-school tastes LOL)

No Ordinary Love - Sade

Edge of Desire - John Mayer

Rush, Rush - Paula Abdul

If - Janet Jackson

Wicked Game - Chris Isaak

Justify My Love - Madonna

Slave To Love - Bryan Ferry

Xo - Beyoncé

I Miss You - Adele

Doin’ It - LL Cool J

Come Undone - Duran Duran

Closer - Nine Inch Nails

Deserve - Kris Wu feat. Travis Scott

You Know - Jay Park feat. Okasian

Colors - Halsey (Lucien)*

Roman Holiday - Halsey (Lucien)*

(*not exactly bump n’ grind material, but I had to include it because I love Halsey and the names of these songs fit Lucien so well)

[kirwond]

Dancing in the Dark - A ML:QC Playlist

A playlist for my hubby Gavin from Love and Producer/Mr Love:Queen’s Choice.

Listen at Spotify.

Even more playlists here.

Tracklist and notes below the cut.

Fly Away – The FatRat feat. Anjulie

don’t you be afraid everything will change you and I

Happy Together – The Turtles

no matter how they toss the dice it had to be the only one for me is you and you for me

Bad Reputation – Murder Shoes

I know you’ve been waiting waiting patiently

One Call Away – Charlie Puth

I’ll be there to save the day Superman got nothing on me I’m only one call away

Dynamite – Sigrid

you’re as safe as a mountain but know that I am dynamite

She Burns – Foy Vance

she burns like petrol soaked paper and fireworks and I’m burning I’m burning I’m burning so deep that just breathing hurts I’m melting darling and I can’t let go

The Letter – Eva Cassidy

lonely days are gone I’m coming home my baby wrote me a letter

Never Tear Us Apart – INXS

don’t ask me what you know is true don’t have to tell you I love your precious heart

I Know You Care – Ellie Goulding

I know you care I know it has always been there but there is trouble ahead I can feel it you are just saving yourself when you hide it

Sword and Shield – Sister Hazel

I will be there I will be the smallest piece in everything and I would give my life before I break this promise to you

Superheroes – The Script

all his life he’s been told he’ll be nothing when he’s old all the kicks all the blows he won’t ever let it show

Perfect – Ed Sheeran & Beyonce

we were just kids when we fell in love not knowing what it was I will not give you up this time

[moonbeamwritings]

Hello!

I saw the playlist and Kakyoin + Somebody to love popped on my mind

Also, the playlist is really good!

hello anon !! i’m glad you like it!! thank you for sending in! happy valentine’s day!! 💌

noriaki kakyoin + somebody to love by queen

Polnareff had been eyeing you and Kakyoin for weeks now, carefully nitpicking every bit of body language, every longing stare.

On one particular night, Polnareff watched in amusement as you openly ogled at the redhead. Finally, he thought, a little something juicy. He was quick to plop himself down right next to you, eager to get the full picture. How madly in love were you really? It certainly looked pretty bad to him. Did Kakyoin feel the same? Probably. Polnareff had seen the looks. He wanted, no, needed, to hear it directly from you.

“So, Kakyoin, huh? Pretty good choice if you ask me.”

Not wanting to be teased, you fired back, “I didn’t ask.”

“Hey, hey, woah, I’m not looking to pick a fight. I’m not as stupid as I seem, ya know? I’ve seen the looks, the fleeting glances.”

“Polnareff, leave me alone. Please, this is embarrassing.”

While deciding what to say next, Polnareff watched as Kakyoin’s brows furrowed, a soft sound leaving his mouth as he looked away from the two of you. Oh, this was good. The two of you were approaching the breaking point.

“It’s easy. I heard through the grapevine that he likes you too.”

“That’s not funny.”

“I’m not being funny,” God, he really hoped his intuition was right. “Jotaro told me.”

“Why would Jotaro tell you that?”

“Uh,” Polnareff floundered, “so I could tell you, of course.”

After a lot of convincing, he had gotten you to agree to telling Kakyoin about your crush the next day and with that, Polnareff finally allowed you to go to bed for the night. With you in bed, Polnareff decided to wear Kakyoin down as well. This could only work if he took it from both angles.

“Hey, Kakyoin. I’ve got a little something you might like to hear.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhm,” Polnareff agreed, a smug smile on his face, “I happen to know that your affections are not as unrequited as you think.”

“Really!?” Kakyoin asked, voice a little too loud, too excited. He coughed before lowering his voice, “I mean- really?”

Polnareff explained that, when Kakyoin had caught you two together earlier, you and him had simply been going over how to confess. Nothing more and nothing less. With Kakyoin effectively convinced, Polnareff clapped himself on the back, ready to watch it all go down tomorrow.

And boy, did it start early. Polnareff watched as you and Kakyoin danced around each other first thing in the morning, both of you itching to tell the other, but not knowing when or how. The rest of the day continued on in much the same fashion with the two of you sitting next to each other and stealing glances, but only making very short, awkward conversation. It was getting hard to watch.

All the while, you were actually living it. Your heart had been hammering in your chest since the moment you wiggled out of your sleeping bag. It seemed that every time you went to open your mouth, your words got stuck in your throat.

Later that evening, you felt nauseous as Kakyoin asked you to take a walk with him, assuring Mr. Joestar and the others that you’d be fine if you had each other. You tried to ignore the knowing smirk on Polnareff’s face.

As you and Kakyoin ventured down the street, your nerves were practically eating you alive. When was the perfect time to confess? Now? No, no, he looked distracted, it couldn’t be now. This was all so stupid. You began to think Polnareff was gassing you up for a cheap laugh.

Kakyoin was faring no better. All he could think about was how beautiful you looked under the stars, how badly he wanted to just reach out those extra few inches and grab your hand.

At the same exact time, you and Kakyoin steeled your nerves and in perfect sync stated, “I really like you.”

You slapped a hand over your mouth the moment the words left, staring up at Kakyoin in amazement.

“You do?” You both said at the same time.

Kakyoin laughed, bringing a hand up to rub at the nape of his neck, “At least we’re on the same, exact page.”

You laughed along, eyes trained on his, “I guess so.”

A silence fell between you both as you looked at each other expectantly. Now what?

“Can I kiss you?” Kakyoin asked.

Oh.

You gulped and not trusting your words, simply nodded.

Kakyoin pressed his lips against yours before you could blink. It was clumsy, noses bumping together and hands getting lost in the shuffle, unsure of where to put them, but it was perfect. Who would’ve thought you’d actually have Polnareff to thank for giving you both that final push?

[blkgirlcafe]

Professor Nasty Pt. 2

Professor! Florian Munteanu x Black! Reader

Warning: Rough sex, unprotected sex, cheating, undefined age gap, dirty talking, slight degrading.

I keep my description of the reader pretty vague, make her how you want, but she black fosho. I am trying to get better at writing from a Y/N perspective, so any constructive criticism is welcomed.

Thank you @dersha89​ for the inspiration.  Thank you love!

The Chinese food they ended up ordering was just being pushed around her plate. 

“What's wrong, you've been so quiet since you got here. Did he fail your paper again, dude can be so hard.” Fynn shoved fried rice into his mouth, bits dropping everywhere. 

“Just tired.” 

Fynn rolled his eyes, “Then go to bed.” 

Y/N stood, taking her plate and shoving it in the fridge. 

“I’m going home, you can play your game without being worried about me.” 

Part of Y/N knew she was taking her bad attitude out of Fynn not that he deserved it, she had literally cheated on him hours ago and now she was being bitchy. 

“Fine, maybe we can link when you fix your attitude, I didn't do anything to you.” 

Y/N didn't even stay to hear the rest, just grabbed her stuff to head back to her apartment, where she should have gone in the first place. 

Thank god her two roommates were out, she closed and locked the door to her room, not wanting to be disturbed. Y/N turned on her soft music playlist and tried to get some studying done, but nothing was clicking. She kept thinking about Mr. Munteanu and what had happened. She opened the text thread a few times, reading the message, trying to decipher things that weren't there. His message was clear and concise, he wanted to see her again. And Y/N wanted to see him too. 

So she texted him back. 

Where am I headed?

“Hello trick, you off in LaLa Land?” Chris waved her hand in front of Y/N’s face. 

Y/N snapped out her daydream, today was Friday and she was absolutely frazzled by what could happen tonight. He had sent her an address, one not far from the school, and told her to dress sexy. 

“No, just tired.” 

“If I hear that shit one more time, I swear.” Chris grabbed a fry from Y/N’s uneaten plate. 

“Well I am, what you want me to say.” 

“The truth, first you fight with Fynn for no damm reason, you been MIA all fucking week, and I finally track you down and you barely can string a sentence together. I’m not stupid.”

“You sure, cause you went back to Jason 4 times.” Y/N snapped. 

“Ohh that was low, you def hiding something chick. Let me find out.” Chris was staring her down and it made Y/N squirm. 

“Look I am sorry, that was low, my bad. But I am stressed, school, being away from family, being one of the few black women at this school, not being able to find decent hair products. I could go on.” 

Y/N could tell that Chris was not buying it at all. They had been friends since freshman year and they could read each other. 

“Imma let you slide, but when you are ready to tell me the truth, just know I am here. And Fynn getting on my fucking nerves, he keeps asking me whats wrong with you and how he can make it better.”

That made Y/N feel even worst, Fynn was trying his hardest to be a good guy and here she was out here being scum. 

“I’ll make it up to him.” 

“Hopefully with this that you ask me to bring.” 

Chris put a bag on the table, and Y/N smiled on the inside. Chris was the queen of dressing fly and sexy. She made anything look good. Whenever Y/N need an outfit she shopped Chris closet. 

Y/N had asked Chris to bring her dress and she had delivered. Y/N pulled the dress out, giving it a look. A blue mini dress that sparkled, it left very little to the imagination. This was a no bra type of dress, the straps super thin. 

“Damm this is dope, thank you.”

“No problem and I dont need it back, what is it for?”

“Going to surprise Fynn.” Y/N lied. 

“Pair it with those clear pumps you have and girl you will be looking irresistible. Promise. Look I gotta go, hit me up and let me know how it goes.” 

Chris stole a few more fries before blowing Y/N a kiss and leaving her to sit and wonder if she was making a good choice. 

Y/N checked herself one more time before she went downstairs to wait for her cab. The blue mini dress looked perfect against her brown skin. The twist out that she did had came out perfect, light makeup, a gold necklace with her initial sat center on her chest. Another coat of lipgloss and finally a spray of Rogue by Ms. Fenty and she was ready to go. 

And of course Chris was right about the clear pumps, they went perfectly with the dress. She looked great, Y/N snapped a quick picture before grabbing her clutch and heading out. Trying to sneak past her roommates was not an option, they whistled as she walked past, paying her compliments and saying how lucky Fynn was. 

If only they knew that Fynn wasn't the lucky one. 

The whole ride to his condo was nerve wracking, Y/N alternated between bouncing her leg and checking her phone obsessively. Part of her hoped he would cancel, and she could go see Fynn and make it up to him. 

The cab dropped her off in front of a high rise, she didn't know the going rate for a professor but she didn't think it was this. The place was nicer than she expected with a doorman outside. 

Stepping into the elevator Y/N knew there was no turning back, she was here and her panties were already damp and the possibility of fucking Mr. Munteanu again. The quickie they had on the desk was just a taste, a teaser of what it was like to be with a man. 

“You look gorgeous Miss Y/F/N” 

Y/N shyly looked down as Mr. Munteanu looked her over, he sucked his bottom lip in as he traced the hem of the short dress. 

“Thank you Sir.”

“Here, you can call me Flo or Daddy sweetie, come in.” 

The door closed behind her and suddenly she was pushed against the wall. Florian grabbed Y/N neck, making her look up at him. He kissed her, soft at first before aggressively overpowering her. Y/N hands landed on his chest, the feeling of the hard muscle of her hands. Y/N gasped when he pulled away, her chest heaved as she gulped down air. 

“This is going to be fun Miss Y/F/N.” 

“If I can call you Daddy, I'm sure you can find something better to call me.” she smirked. 

“Is that right babygirl, don’t worry I have all night to come up with names to call you.” Florian dragged Y/N to the couch, pushing her over the arm. 

Y/N ass was in the air, the dress which was already short, pushed up. Florian parted her legs, standing between them as he ran a finger up and down the wet crotch of her panties. 

“Guess I should call you slut for being wet already, I’ve barely touched you.”

“I’ve been thinking of you all week.” her voice was weak. 

“Good.” was all he said as he pulled her panties down. Florian kneeled between her legs, the first bite surprising her. Y/N squirmed and Florian gave her ass a light smack. 

“Let Daddy take care of you.” 

Y/N moaned as Florian bit and sucked her thighs, slowly working his way up to her dripping wet pussy. 

“I like to take my time baby, what's the point if I can't slowly devour you.” 

“Please…” 

Y/N was not used to this, Fynn was only her 4th sexual partner. Foreplay usually lasted a few minutes if she was lucky.

The first kiss to her wet core sent shivers up her spine. The professor slowly made out with her pussy, the sloppy kissing turned into his tongue slowly licking her from top to bottom. His pace was so slow and torturous that Y/N’s hips tried to follow his movement. He repeated the same move and his teasing was too much for her to take. 

“Please Daddy, more.”

Y/N pleas feel on deaf ears, he was enjoying this too much. Y/N gasped when he sucked her clit into his mouth, the small bundle of nerves suddenly over simulated. Y/N never felt a pleasure like this, he was being a teacher in more than one way. 

His lips released her clit, his wide tongue driving into her wet slit. Quickly diving in and out, Y/N rocked on his face. Y/N fist balled as her legs shook, Florian was being merciless, eating her with a passion that she never felt. Y/N was just paralyzed with pleasure, the way he changed pace from slow to fast, back to slow. The way he sucked her clit then tongue fucked her. He was a man that knew what he was doing, a skilled man. 

“Oh my God!!” moaned Y/N, the way the orgasm took over her whole body, she felt it rushing through her veins. 

Florian stood, his jeans grinding against her wet and sensitive pussy. 

He leaned down, kissed her neck before whispering,“ Do you want to know what I'm going to do to you all night?” Right in her ear. 

Y/N was still breathless from the mind shattering orgasm, that she couldn't speak, she just shook her head. Florian grabbed her hair, so that she was facing him. 

“I’m going to fuck you like a man should, you will never want a boy again when I am finished with you.” 

With one hand still tangled in her hair, something she would never let Fynn do, Y/N heard the sound of his jeans being undone. Her body still recovering from the tongue lashing that he gave her didn't have time to prepare for him or his thick dick. 

“Fuck!” they both said. Y/N from the way he stretched her out, and Florian from the way her walls wrapped around him. 

Florian released her hair, putting his hands on either side of her, slowly feeding her inch by inch, wanting to savor the feeling of her walls hugging him. Y/N didn't want that, she wanted all of him and now. 

“Please go deeper Daddy, I need it.” she begged, her nails dug into his arm. Y/N pushed back, wanting all of his thick length to be inside of her. 

Florian moaned, he promised himself he would take his time, but he couldn't hold back. He snapped his hips into hers, burying every last inch into her. Gone was the slow tender strokes, he pounded into her. 

“Give me a kiss baby girl.” 

Y/N turned her face to kiss him, but couldn't focus because of how he was fucking her. Soft kisses barely made it to his lips until he stopped moving. Florian grabbed her jaw and kissed her, tongues battling it out, he grinded his hips into her, watching her melt. Florian finally pulled away, resting his forehead on her back. 

Y/N felt surrounded by him, his powerful arms on either side of her, digging into the material of the couch. His chest against her back, she couldn't move if she wanted to, she was trapped and happy about it. 

Pain mixed with pleasure as his strokes sped up, both chasing their own orgasm. Y/N clung to him as her legs trembled and she let out a loud moan. 

Florian kept fucking her through the orgasm, he never experienced this with any other woman, wanting to completely consume her in each way possible. 

“Fuck, Im cumming baby.” 

His body went riding on top of her, as he released a flood inside of her. Y/N wasn't sure she would move if she wanted to, she felt drained of energy and completely happy. 

When Florian finally moved off of her, pulling up his boxers before sitting on the couch, Y/N stood on unsteady legs. Y/N looked around for her panties and bag. She fixed her dress, she could feel his seed dripping out of her. She had turned around to pick up her panties when she felt his presence behind her. 

She stood, panties in hand. 

He moved her hair out the way, softly kissing her neck, “You don't need them, I am nowhere near done with you.”

[slipping-through-my-fingertips]

Music for the Soul

Summary: Soulmate AU where the song your soulmate is thinking of gets stuck in your head. 

This fic is inspired by and gifted to @yellowpaintpots.

Notes:  canonical, this is S2 E6 and a little beyond but it’s not exactly like the show obviously.

AO3

Kurt Hummel was used to not fitting in. At McKinley High, he was often an odd man out. He did partner projects alone, he held his tongue around bullies and had no one to complain to, and most days, he had an entire lunch table to himself. No one sat with the kid in weird, homemade clothes unless there was no other choice. 

What kept him going was music. He had one earbud in as he walked down the halls. Choosing from playlists his mother used to listen to, Broadway soundtracks sung by people still performing on stage today, and to the thrill of his father, rock classics. If Burt Hummel had passed anything onto his son, it was his music tastes and the fantastical idea of soulmates. 

The image of a white knight coming to save him by serenade was one that haunted him before he fell asleep. A boy, which little eleven-year-old Kurt held close to his heart, picked out by the universe meant just for him. Even when he started to find the fantasy a little too cheesy, it kept Kurt going until he found the glee club.

No one could touch him or change him because there was someone out there who would love him exactly the way he was. 

The New Directions were a hot mess when they started, of course. The 5 of them weren’t winning any competitions when they first found themselves in the choir room but they were five misfits who finally had friends. People who understood the passion of music and an adult who shared that same passion and would hopefully guide them to their dream futures. 

Just months later, they became a mixture of a dozen sophomores and freshmen with a Sectionals win under their belt all ready to face the Dalton Academy Warblers in a few weeks. With Regionals looming over them, glee had become much messier than usual. With plenty of in-fighting about solos and song choices, the choir room was always a jumbled, loud mess. That is until Mr. Schue came up with the idea for a school musical. It was taking their minds off of Regionals for the time being.

Kurt was all too happy to be auditioning for a role instead of sitting in the back row wishing he had a shot at a solo. His voice was too unique for Ohio. But someday, he knew, it would get him to Broadway. He held that thought close to his heart while tuning out Rachel’s insistence bickering.  

Yesterday, Mr. Schue had decided their school musical was going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Kurt loved cult classics as much as the next person but he wasn’t sure how Mr. Schue had gotten this approved by Figgins. It seemed too risqué for high schoolers. 

He only hoped whoever his soulmate was enjoying the soundtrack he had stuck in his head this week. 

Kurt planned on auditioning for Riff Raff. Already putting mental outfits from his closet to wear. The wound of Mr. Schue assuming he’d play Frank N. Furter based solely on the fact that he was gay was still fresh but his audition was going to blow everyone away. 

He had chosen “Dammit Janet” for his audition despite it being a Brad and Janet duet. Quinn, who was hoping for Magenta, was going to be his partner. They had joked about the main roles already being off the table before auditions; it was clear Mr. Schue had chosen Finn and Rachel for the leads. It was hard to be upset when Quinn had instantly offered to do a joint audition with him. Their voices went so well together and Kurt liked spending time with her. 

Ever since Kurt and Mercedes had their stint as Cheerios, they had gotten closer. The three of them even had a weekend sleepover this past Saturday. Mercedes had dumped the Cheerios but Kurt stayed on and Quinn had just gotten back on the squad after her dismissal last year. Coach Sue had them sing during practice last week and Quinn was waiting for him after their showers with the suggestion of a double audition song. 

They had been having rehearsals in the auditorium during their shared free period and twice after glee club on days when it wasn’t already reserved. As the day came closer, Quinn offered her house to practice in since her parents were rarely home and so Finn wouldn’t become Rachel's spy. Though, Kurt assured her Finn was much too engrossed in video games to bother with their rehearsals. 

Since they increased their run-throughs, Kurt’s had one song in his head all morning. In case the lyrics weren’t already ingrained into his head, he had his own little concert in his head. Just after lunch, that changed. A mere 3 hours until his audition after school his soulmate’s music had taken root. As much as Kurt was willing to bow down to the queens of pop, what he wouldn’t give for 5 minutes of something other than Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream”. This bubble gum pop song had gone from ‘oh, that’s a good song to scream in the car’ to ‘if I hear it one more time, I’ll rip my ears off’ fairly quickly. 

It hadn’t helped that his brain went from one song on repeat to another. 

As he sits in geometry, he tries to hear Mr. Finnegan’s explanation of arcs but his brain has other plans. 

Let you put your hands on me in my skin tight jeans. 

Kurt knows it’s just a song but the image is so clear in his head. 

Smooth, soft skin. Obviously, someone who used lotions regularly, Kurt expected nothing less from his soulmate. Neatly trimmed fingernails so they wouldn’t catch on Kurt’s pants when fingers trailed up to cup his knee. The grip would be teasingly light. He never let his fantasies get too far. Especially outside the privacy of his bedroom. In all honesty, even when he was alone in his bed at night envisioning the same kind of scenario, Kurt didn’t really know what came next. He wasn’t even sure what kissing really entailed. 

What if his soulmate is ready for...certain things...Kurt’s not even to verbalize yet. What if he’s imagining their first meeting very differently then Kurt, who’s hopeful they’ll have coffee or a meal together before they do anything besides maybe hand-holding. The touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets, unless you ask Katy Perry it seems. 

He spends the rest of math wondering what the boy with Katy Perry in his head must look like. Kurt wonders if his soulmate wears bright colors like his idol or maybe Katy is a secret shame that he’ll only share with Kurt. 

…

Blaine liked fitting in. He enjoyed the uniform for many reasons. One, he thought the blazer looked stylish. It was also nice knowing what you had to wear every day, one less thing to worry about people judging you for. Plenty of people at his old school picked on him for his bow ties but at Dalton, everyone had neckwear. The standard blue and red striped tie. He liked how neat it was; there was a certain way to wear said uniform. 

Everyone was the same here. No typical hierarchy of jocks and cheerleaders. Only the Warblers stood out simply because everyone knew them. 

How could you forget a group of boys singing acapella at all hours of the day?

 Blaine might joke that they’re teenage rockstars but really they are just a group of talented guys who liked to sing. 

The Warblers were the first real friends he ever had. 

When he was still attending public school he held tightly to the idea of his soulmate since it seemed hopeless to wish for friendship. Not when he was being harassed for a sexuality he wasn’t sure of yet and being pushed to the ground in the parking lot for it. 

But a soulmate was a guarantee. Everyone had one. By the time Blaine reached eighth grade, he knew. All of those middle school bullies had used words Blaine didn’t quite understand until that moment. 

He was surrounded in the parking lot after school having missed his bus because someone had stuck gum in his curls during last period. That was the day Blaine started to seriously consider investing in some gel. Maybe that would prevent some bullying. Anyway, he was surrounded, being literally kicked around by a group of soccer players and friends. 

Other students had gathered to watch the so-called fight but Blaine thought their chants would only grab the attention of a teacher or so he hoped. No one came quickly. He had enough injuries by the end for his mom to insist on a trip to the ER. A big black eye and sprained his wrist along with plenty of bruising on his limbs. 

But he honestly didn’t remember getting hurt beyond the initial pushing to the ground. When the bullying got bad like this he pulled out those daydreams. This time around it wasn’t this blurry image of hand holding, there was a boy. Blaine hadn’t seen his face but his voice was soft and comforting, inviting Blaine in. There was an outstretched hand just out of reach for Blaine to take. Blaine knew then. His soulmate was a boy. 

When everything was over and he was being released by the doctor, all he knew was there was some boy built perfectly for Blaine just waiting to be found. Waiting for him. 

He hadn’t even been upset by his injuries because he was sitting with these thoughts of ‘how do I come out to my parents?’ 

Instead of deciding that day, he kept those daydreams close to his heart for the next year and a half. Until the issue of high school came out and Blaine didn’t want to go back to public school. To his surprise, both of his parents took it well. They were more concerned for his safety than his sexuality. Together, they decided on Dalton. A private school with a zero tolerance policy for bullies. That was that. 

He still had his doubts at Dalton. Was he really good enough to be a lead soloist let alone go onto Broadway someday? Could he make it out of Ohio? In those moments, Blaine still came back to his soulmate. Someone, no matter what came, Blaine would have by his side. 

When he imagined his soulmate, Blaine could never truly figure out what he’d look like. All he saw was that outstretched hand. Usually, people could draw up a picture in their heads based on the music they heard. 

For Blaine, the genre of music didn’t help. His soulmate was clearly someone with mixed taste. 

Today’s selection was...a musical. Blaine wasn’t familiar with the characters Brad and Janet but he had looked it up at lunch. Some kind of cult classic people went to see in the weeks leading up to Halloween. It was October so it made sense for the soundtrack to be stuck in his soulmate’s head. Blaine wondered if he had gone to see it, wondered who he saw it with. 

The Warblers thought he was crazy. Imagining that his soulmate was off with some other person. It was rare to date seriously before meeting a soulmate but Blaine always told them the same story of his parents. Both of them had been in very serious relationships before they met. Hell, his mother had been engaged. Neither of them thought they’d meet their soulmate, which was also fairly rare but had happened.  

When they met, they didn’t drop everything to be together. The wedding was put on hold but his father hadn’t broken up with his girlfriend right away. His parents wanted to be together only if they agreed with the universe’s choice. 

Blaine knew his dad had been wary of his mother’s music taste. Pam had been deep into her metal phrase in her early twenties. His dad, Robert, was not a fan. He loved classical music. Forever dooming Pam to hum music without lyrics meanwhile Robert was cursed with “nonsense yelling” as he called it. Lucky, both of their music tastes had shifted over the years to have more overlap. Though, Blaine and Cooper had been subjected to dinners with a mixtape of Def Leppard and Bach. 

They got together in the end, which was the important part, but what if they hadn’t chosen each other? What if Blaine’s soulmate was deeply in love with someone else and he’d spend the rest of his days loveless and alone?

When he voiced these thoughts aloud, his friends usually told him what a downer he could be, which tended to shake those fears away. If his parents, different as they were, still fell in love it would happen to him too. It was just a matter of when. 

…

The next day at lunch, Mercedes was fretting over her soulmate. 

“What if he’s super young, Kurt?” 

“What makes you think that?” He asked, stabbing his salad. 

“He’s got The Backyardigans theme song in his head again,” she sighed. “He got to be like 7. I’m just not comfortable with that.” 

“It’s an age gap for sure,” Kurt agreed, but he’s fairly sure Sam Evans was singing that song after PE today, “or maybe he just has younger siblings. Don’t let your only-childness cloud your judgment.”

She hummed in agreement and pushed her tater tots around. 

It was sort of a hard way to figure out your soulmate unless they were obvious about what music they had playing in their heads.

Some people, like Mr. Schue, we’re pretty obvious. He had been singing in the auditorium when Ms. Pillsbury found him. It was a pretty clear-cut match. As far as Mercedes was concerned, Kurt is sure she’ll overhear Sam’s humming soon enough. 

He doesn’t want to spoil anything for his best friend nor does he want to be wrong. Soulmate meetings only come once in a lifetime. 

Well, the first soulmate meeting that is. 

There are plenty of people, like his dad, who lose a soulmate too soon and are gifted another one later in life. Kurt was so happy when he introduced Burt and Carole at parent-teacher conferences. They had just been listening to the Wicked soundtrack in the car ride over and Carole Hudson did not strike Kurt as the type of person who knew “I’m Not That Girl” by heart. 

“Are you nervous about auditions?” Mercedes asked. “The list goes up today after glee.” 

“Not at all like,” he shrugged, “I think Quinn and I did well.” 

“Oh no, Kurt, we crushed it,” Quinn said, sitting down with her lunch. 

He smiled at her. Quinn went on to compliment Mercedes on her audition, having heard part of it from outside the audition. She would’ve been inside with Kurt to watch but Coach Sue wanted to meet with her head Cheerio about their upcoming competition. From what Quinn had told them via text, Sue was going all out at practice today. 

“She doesn’t want us to be late,” Quinn said. “That list better be up right away.” 

“We should change before glee,” Kurt suggested. 

“Good idea.” 

Once Quinn had sat down the rest of the New Directions filed in. With interlocking pinkies, Santana and Brittany wandered over taking the last two seats available. 

“Cheerios practice is gonna be hell, hope you’re up for the challenge Hummel,” Santana said. 

He shot her a short glare. 

“Kurt always understands the assignment, Santana,” Quinn quipped back. 

Brittany nodded in agreement smiling at Kurt from across the table. She gave him a small wave half hidden by her lunch tray. In return, Kurt waved back just as shyly. 

They had an interesting friendship. Kurt had kissed Brittany before. He was sure it hadn’t phrased Brittany as it had him. After all, she had kissed almost every boy in school. Some kind of record, he thought. 

They sort of dated for like a week when Kurt was trying to convince himself he was straight. When he firmly realized he was kidding no one, not even himself, they broke up. Since then, he and Brittany had remained close. They were both Cheerios and in the glee club, it made sense. 

He was happy to have Brittany in his life, even if that meant Santana by extension came with her. Santana was fine outside of the public eye. If the Unholy Trinity incited Kurt to their sleepovers, Santana was a different person. She put up a front at McKinley, extremely similar to the one Kurt attempted when he dated Brittany. 

Few are privy to why she did this, Quinn and Kurt knew and he was fairly certain Mercedes did as well. She was very perceptive that way. Brittany was Santana’s soulmate. It explained so much about their relationship. Always in sync, completing each other perfectly, a literal better half.

Honestly, it gave Kurt so much hope that everyone’s soulmate was like that. A missing puzzle piece. 

He really hoped his soulmate listened to more than just Teenage Dream because the lyrics were slowly creeping into his everyday language. 

Usually, Kurt found himself hyper-focused in glee club. He got an energy boost just from walking into the choir room. Like a light switch turning on. His focus wasn’t always on whatever lecture Mr. Schue was pursuing, sometimes he watched his fellow glee clubbers (catching himself up on drama just by sideways glances), or mentally mapping out his next performance. 

Today, Kurt wasn’t able to do any of those things. With the soundtrack of Teenage Dream (again) in his head, all he was thinking about was the center of a bulletin board with the cast list for The Rocky Horror Show on it. How far down the list was Riff Raff? How many names came before his?

Someone was snapping in front of his face. Kurt shook himself from his daydream to find Mercedes.

“Boy, wake up!” She said, “cast list is about to go up.” 

Either glee club had gotten shorter or Mr. Schue was putting it up early. 

…

Blaine didn’t really understand why the Warblers were concerned. Doing an improv performance was not new to them. In fact, Blaine had done three already this school year and he was only a freshman. 

The first one he did had been way back in September, he hadn’t even been an official Warbler yet. Warbler Tradition said: all potential freshman recruits were required to perform again after their auditions with the whole group. It was a solid way to see if they fit in well with the other established Warblers. Blaine fondly remembers vibing along with the older Warblers and fellow potentials to a medley of Pink songs. None of the freshmen had solos but it was still a fun time. 

At the time it seemed like all of Dalton fit into the choir room and surrounding hallways but in reality it was the entire freshman class. Improv performances weren’t something any middle schooler had seen before but the upperclassmen of Dalton knew the Warblers had plenty of improvs to come for the rest of the school year. The first one was special. Just for the newbies. 

Three days after that performance, Blaine had gotten word that he was to be a new Warbler and two months after that he was granted his first solo. Now, he was slowly becoming their go-to soloist for almost every performance for an audience. Blaine had become a vital part of all rehearsals for the most part. He was honored by their commitment to him honestly and he loved to sing however, a week and half of preparations was a tad excessive. Still, he walked his way to rehearsal positive that the council would have at least five points to discuss before they actually started singing. 

He walked into the choir room shaking his shake fondly and smiling at the Warblers already present. 

The council were always first to arrive. Together. Then it was a mixed bag of who followed. Usually Trent was there, punctual as always, and Blaine took the seat between Trent and Jeff. 

The room was mostly full already. 

Nick came in shortly after Blaine and sat across from him immediately asking if there had been a pop quiz in Stanton’s class earlier and was rather relieved to find out Jeremy was a filthy liar, who liked to start trouble. Before Jeremy could get on Blaine’s case about being overly sincere, the meeting began. 

Wes banged his gavel and welcomed everyone before gesturing for David to read off last meeting’s notes. Once the talking portion of the meeting was over, they pushed the furniture aside to make room. 

...

A week later Kurt was happy to have one musical under his belt but thankful the performance run had been short. If you thought the New Directions were dramatic during competition weeks, it was nothing compared to their musical rehearsals. 

Now, Mr. Schue was having the brilliant idea to host a boys vs girls competition. Of course, Kurt hadn’t wanted to work with the boys. They were sure to exclude his musical talents and he doubted he could get them to agree to any of his costume suggestions. 

This was hardly a challenge. It was bland and they had done it already. 

Kurt was sitting in the back of the choir room pouting. Yes, pouting. Full on arms crossed, head down, and bottom lip puffed out. Until, Mr. Schue had an actual brilliant idea, Kurt’s suggestion of course, to spice things up. 

The boys did not appreciate Kurt’s six hours of work putting two posters together. Even with the assignment to bring more feminine qualities into their performance, the boys ignored his input. So, when Puckerman suggested Kurt spy on the Warblers, he was thankful for a reason to leave. He packed up his projects and headed home to change.

When Mr. Schue found out who their competition was, Rachel and Kurt did some googling. He had seen the all-boys school uniform and was fairly sure he could replicate it with clothes he already had. 

He pulled some looks from his closet. Once satisfied he looked up directions to Westerville. 

Dalton was huge. It looked like a museum. How on earth was Kurt going to find their choir room? He hoped there were signs inside or a map. 

As he walked down a spiral staircase much too pretty to be in a school, he decided to just ask for directions. He was going to get lost if he kept walking without help. 

When the boy he stopped turned around, all Kurt could think was ‘I’d love to put my hands all over you.’ Which was a ridiculous thought to have because he didn’t know this boy and where had that even come from? Oh right, Teenage Dream was still playing in his head. Thanks, Katy. 

If only his soulmate knew he was using this song to fantasize about running off into the sunset with another boy. 

…

Blaine loved being in the spotlight. Wes would say it was because he didn’t get that kind of attention from his parents but that simply wasn’t true. Well, unless Cooper was around; he always pulled focus when it came to their parents. Older sibling privilege, he assumed. 

But he was running late. He stayed behind in class to ask a question which turned into his teacher rambling. Didn’t he know the Warblers had a performance today in the senior commons and Blaine was their lead singer? 

He was checking the time when someone stopped him on the stairs. 

A beautiful boy. Unlike anyone Blaine had ever seen before. He almost missed his name because he was caught up in memorizing his face. 

There was something said about being new, which Blaine doubted since he wasn’t in uniform, and Blaine mentioned a shortcut he knew of. 

It wasn’t really a shortcut. More like the long way to the Senior Commons but less crowded. Everyone was making their way to the Warblers and Blaine wanted as much time alone with Kurt as he could get. 

He wanted Kurt’s full attention. It was no wonder he instantly wanted to show off. Teenage Dream fit his vocals perfectly and Kurt was an excellent audience. In fact, Blaine was set on serenading him. 

He had no way of knowing that exact song had been playing all day long in Kurt Hummel’s mind. 

Afterward, Blaine lost himself in a group hug from the Warblers but Kurt’s beaming smile caught his eye. He pulled Wes and David aside, confirming his own suspicions that Kurt was spying on them first before convincing them to invite Kurt for coffee. 

The four boys sat at a table. Kurt seemed very nervous now. Blaine wasn’t sure if it was because he had been caught or something else was going on. In the end, Blaine thought it best for just him and Kurt to have a conversation. Not at all because he wanted alone time with him. 

This clearly wasn’t the time or place for romance. 

Once they were alone the whole tale seemed to flow out of Kurt: the name calling, locker shoving, his biggest bully. Blaine could relate. 

Sometimes he felt phantom pains in his right leg from Sadie Hawkins. At first, Kurt scoffed when Blaine began sympathizing. If he were Kurt, he might not believe himself. 

Private schoolboy bullied? Blaine sure didn’t look like someone who lacked friends. It was fairly common knowledge that Dalton had a zero tolerance policy for harassment. So, he explained. As brief as he could about his own experience with public school bullies. 

Kurt and he seemed to have more in common than a love for music. 

He doesn't have any plans to see Kurt again though Blaine has plenty of ideas on how they could get together. Coffee at the Lima Bean. Old musicals were playing at the revival theater. Maybe another high school was putting on a play this weekend. All Blaine needed was a good enough message to ask Kurt out. He drafted plenty but none sent. 

After school, Blaine knew Kurt might need an extra push. He was pretty sure classes at McKinley were done for the day. 

He sent a single word. Less second-guessing that way. 

Courage. 

Then, he walked to the library to start writing an essay on Lord of the Flies for English. 

However, he found himself unable to concentrate. Usually after a performance, Blaine had the song stuck in his head for at least a day or two afterward. In addition to humming in the weeks of rehearsals, of course. Instead, Blaine found himself thinking about Start Me Up by the Rolling Stones and oddly Livin’ On a Prayer. Both songs he thought better suited his father or Cooper’s tastes. It was a mashup of the two songs like his soulmate was hearing them simultaneously. 

When he started thinking about his soulmate, there was a clear picture of someone. It didn’t take long for Blaine to bring up those blue eyes and the soft complexion of Kurt Hummel. Which was crazy thinking. He had no idea if Kurt was his soulmate. 

Soulmates tended to be around the same age but just because Kurt was also in high school meant nothing. By that logic anyone at Dalton could be his soulmate too. 

During his brief time with Kurt this week, Blaine heard no music from his mouth. In fact, Blaine had done all the singing. Even with half his brain saying he was nuts to think Kurt was his forever, Blaine couldn’t let the thought go. 

…

Blaine’s text comes in in the midst of the girls’ performance. A wonderful mashup and excellent costumes. Tina had texted Kurt about the leather jacket idea early this week. He was very proud of how they managed to pull the looks together in such a short time. It was impressive. 

Altogether, Kurt was feeling great. The boys had their rehearsal, apparently their performance was turning into an apology. Kurt wasn’t sure what they had done to Coach Beiste but apparently, she was quitting. He and Blaine were texting periodically now. No one knew it but Kurt was surely developing a huge crush on the Warbler boy. 

Then, he confronted Karofsky. He didn’t want to feel the same regret Blaine did—no one messes with the Hummels. 

It seemed like mere hours but in reality, it was days, Kurt was enrolled at Dalton and saying goodbye to the New Directions. 

He was full on having a Vanessa leaving Troy moment here. Kurt Hummel has got to go his own way. 

God was he nervous to start at a new school. In the middle of the school year too. Being the new kid was going to be hard but not as difficult as staying at McKinley would be. 

When Kurt was greeted by Blaine’s smile outside the office on his first day, it made Kurt relax. At least he already had a friend here. 

It isn’t until they’re walking down the hall together—Blaine insisted on escorting Kurt to his first class—that Kurt noticed Blaine was humming.

“Is that High School Musical?” Kurt asked. 

“Oh, um, technically it’s the sequel.” 

“What about us…” Blaine sang, “what about everything we’ve been through?” 

“What about trust…you know I’ve never wanted to hurt you?” 

Blaine chucked. “Cheesy but true. Such a good movie.” 

“We should watch it sometime,” Kurt suggested. 

Instantly, he wanted to take it back. He’s been told he can come on too strong. Especially around cute boys. 

“I’d love too!” Blaine said. “I have it on DVD.” 

Kurt doesn’t see Blaine again until their one shared class of the day right before lunch. He sits across the room from Blaine during history but next to him at the Warbler’s lunch table. 

Most of the group has the same lunch so Kurt is introduced to them before his audition later this afternoon. 

“Nervous?” Wes asked, “you shouldn’t be.” 

“Yeah, from what Blaine's told us you're a great singer,” Trent added. 

“He’s barely heard me sing,” Kurt replied, poking Blaine’s arm. 

He only sang one line of a song to the other boy today. 

“Well…” Blaine rubs his neck abashedly. “I might’ve watched some New Directions videos on YouTube.” 

“Oh, I forgot Rachel uploaded those.” Kurt tunes to the other Warblers then, “I hope I don’t disappoint.” 

After lunch, Blaine walks Kurt to class again. “Between you and me, you’re a shoo-in.” 

“Really?” The Warblers were such an esteemed group. Not at all like the disorganized New Directions. They had also been a glee club for far longer. 

“Really.” 

***

Blaine has had High School Musical songs in his head all day. Whoever his soulmate is, at least he’s got good taste in Disney Channel original movies. Then as the Warblers were preparing for Kurt’s audition, the song switched. An Evita song. 

His soulmate sure did love musicals. Blaine was rather happy about that. He could already picture them sitting on the couch cuddled under a fluffy blanket with any number of classic musicals laid out before them. Arguing over if it was too soon to rewatch Moulin Rouge and whose turn it was to make popcorn. 

They’d be in a big city apartment. Somewhere where no one cared if they were gay. All anyone wanted to know was how they discovered they were soulmates. Their origin story. 

From that point, the daydream grew fuzzy. Blaine couldn’t come up with that meet-cute story. It hadn’t happened yet and nothing his brain could come up with would ever match up with his future reality. 

He shook his head, bringing himself back to the choir room. 

The room was buzzing with excitement. It wasn’t every day the Warblers auditioned someone mid-semester. Of course, Kurt had special circumstances but the group was notorious for never breaking tradition. 

Blaine tried to focus but it was difficult without Kurt at his side. Lately, he had been distracted whenever Kurt wasn’t around. All Blaine could hear, despite the loud room, was the song in his head. 

I had to let it happen

I had to change

Then, Kurt walked in and music started to play. For a split second, Blaine thought he was imagining the words from “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” coming from Kurt’s lips. Surely he hadn’t chosen the same song as Blaine’s soulmate had in their head. He knew it couldn’t be his imagination when Trent leaned over and whispered to Blaine how much he loved this song. 

Like lightning striking a tree, Blaine had a realization. Kurt Hummel was his soulmate. 

Oh god, what was he going to do? 

His skin was burning as if it was burned away like bark. He drooped in his seat desperate for water to put himself out with. To put a stop to the tingling sensation bubbling up under his skin. 

All he wanted to do was reach out and touch Kurt. Some part of his brain was able to override that thought. He couldn’t ruin this audition for him. There was plenty of time to spend with Kurt after this, Blaine had all the time in the world to talk with his soulmate.

Soulmate.  

Never did he think he would find his soulmate this soon. Gosh, they were only teenagers. They had so much life to live together. This was rare, special, to find your soulmate so quickly in life. Blaine would cherish it, he’d be thankful for this gift for rest of his days. 

But how in the hell was he going to tell Kurt? It had to be romantic. Blaine always thought it would be when he finally came face to face with his soulmate, his one true love. There was so much work to be done and so little time to do it. Now that Blaine knew, he didn’t want to spend another day without Kurt knowing too. 

He used to dream about running dramatically in slow motion towards each other and embracing just as it started to rain, which of course led to a fabulous first kiss in the sudden storm. But Blaine knew how unlikely that would be. 

He’d just have to build a new fantasy, which he thought would be easy to do if Kurt was his so-called Prince Charming. Whatever happened was going to outweigh everything his imagination had come up with thus far. 

First and foremost, he’d had to sit through a discussion of this audition, which he was barely able to pay attention to. All he wanted to do was walk up to Kurt, cup his face, and kiss him. After Kurt was finished, the council dismissed him. Blaine knew he’d find Kurt just outside the choir room because they had plans afterward but now he had no idea how he was going to sit through coffee with Kurt and not tell him. 

“He’s very good,” Trent said, nudging Blaine. 

He nodded in agreement. It seems most of the group concurred, Kurt was a good fit for them. 

Kurt Hummel was the perfect fit for Blaine too. Even if he didn’t know it yet. 

***

Kurt didn’t consider himself to be a good reader of social cues especially when his own emotions were involved. See, Finn Hudson and Sam Evans. Crushes on straight boys never ended well. With Blaine, he swore things would be different. 

They were friends, classmates, and hopefully, soon they’d be fellow Warblers. Kurt was not going to mess this up. Even if Blaine was really cute and friendly and super kind and understanding. There was so much to love about Blaine, Kurt found it hard to find something he didn’t like. 

He had found focusing on his dislikes of a person kept his feelings at bay. Like how messy Finn could be really shut down any romance fantasy Kurt had drawn up. Except, Blaine didn’t dye his hair like Sam, he was completely organized (Kurt had seen his dorm room; spotless), he was modest and genuine. 

It made sense that everyone at Dalton wanted some of his attention. Blaine embodied Kurt’s idea of a gentleman and then some. 

After his audition, Kurt sat outside the choir room waiting for his results. The council would discuss with the full group, release them, and regroup tomorrow with a vote. Kurt was waiting for Blaine to be dismissed because Blaine had promised to buy him a cup of coffee. 

Some of the Warblers who were leaving had some pretty nice things to say about Kurt’s performance. Just general praise which soothes some of his initial nerves. Mostly, he just wanted Blaine to walk out with a big smile on his face. That boy couldn’t keep a secret. Kurt would know if he was in or not just by looking at his face. 

Kurt was joined on his bench by a boy who introduced himself as Duncan. 

“I was super nervous after my audition. I just got in at the beginning of this year so I know what you’re going through.” 

Kurt felt his shoulders drop in relief. As much as Blaine tried to assure him the audition would be perfect, Kurt felt like he couldn’t relate much as the star of the glee club. Back at McKinley, Kurt rarely had center stage. Here, Blaine always had everyone’s attention. 

“That’s actually great to hear,” Kurt said, with a slight chuckle. 

“Seriously, Kurt, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I’m a little concerned they’ll kick me out just to have your voice,” Duncan teased. 

They keep talking about what it’s like to be a new Warbler since Duncan is positive Kurt will be getting good news shortly. He offers up some pointers to get on the council’s good side. 

“I loved your song choice by the way, so weird because Evita had been in my head all day.” 

It feels like someone’s dropped an ice cube down his back. He sits up quickly. 

Oh, Kurt thought, is this it? 

“You did?” He must’ve heard wrong. There’s just no way. 

“Yeah, I love that musical,” Duncan confirmed. 

Could it be this easy? He wondered. 

“We should hang out again soon,” Duncan told him, “I’d love to get to know you. Newbie Warblers gotta stick together.” 

Kurt gives Duncan his number before the other boy wanders off. Before Kurt can get too deep into any fantasies of his soulmate, wondering if that soulmate has just left him or not, Blaine comes out from the choir room. 

“Hey you,” Blaine greeted with a big smile. 

“Are you allowed to give me any inclination?” 

He shook his head but was still smiling wide which made Kurt feel like good news was in his near future like Duncan had said. Kurt was telling Blaine how long he had practiced the song over the weekend with Rachel and Duncan reassurances when Blaine blurted, “Duncan Samuels?” 

“Yeah, we just met.” 

Should he tell Blaine about them being soulmates or wait until he was sure? 

But Blaine just nodded. Something was clearly bothering his friend. For now, Kurt was going to let it go because he was sure Blaine would come to him if he wanted to talk. He didn’t want to force it out of Blaine. 

Kurt couldn’t even get Finn to talk to him during their warm milk chats at night. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to pull the information out of Blaine if he tried.

“Anyway,” Kurt said, continuing his previous line of thought, “Rachel has this whole stage setup in her dads’ basement.” 

“I don’t find that hard to believe based on everything you’ve told me about her.” 

After that comment, their coffee date is back on track, Kurt doesn’t bring up his potential soulmate meeting. 

***

Duncan Samuels was his lifelong nemesis. As far as Blaine was considered his life began when he figured out Kurt was his soulmate and if Duncan was going to interfere with that they were now enemies. Since their coffee date yesterday, Blaine hasn’t heard a word about Duncan but he also had yet to see Kurt today. They only had one class together after lunch, which Blaine was on his way to now. 

Kurt saved him a seat and delivered the news. 

“Duncan and I are going for coffee today.” 

Those words were devastating. 

In normal circumstances, Blaine would’ve asked Kurt why he wasn’t going to rehearsal but of course Kurt wasn’t a Warbler…yet. Blaine knew the Warblers were going to announce Kurt’s membership at the end of day, which meant this was the last rehearsal Kurt wouldn’t attend. 

So instead of a calmly said, normal statement, Blaine spent the next minute freaking out. 

Duncan was the worst! He was going to steal Kurt away from him before Blaine ever got the chance. Well okay, the rational side of him thought, Kurt isn’t being stolen he’s going willingly. 

“That’s nice,” he finally said. 

There was no way for Blaine to stop Kurt and honestly no reason to try since Duncan posed no threat to Kurt. He didn’t need a protector. Blaine knew they were soulmates and he’d find a way to tell Kurt later on. At the end of it all, Kurt was his soulmate. He just knew it. 

“Are you free when I get out of rehearsal?” 

“For you?” Kurt asked, “of course, I’ll probably still be in the cafe.” 

“I’ll come find you,” Blaine told him. 

Still, all throughout Warbler rehearsal, Blaine’s attention was elsewhere. He needed to get out of here and meet up with Kurt. Wes knew it too because he pulled him aside at one point while David ushered the guys into a new arrangement.

“What’s up with you?” He asked, “I need you focused for competition.” 

“I will be,” he vowed. 

“You didn’t answer my question.” 

Blaine looked back at the other boys but they were already harmonizing. 

“It’s Kurt.” 

Wes smiled. “Don’t worry about him. He’s in, I can’t believe we have a countertenor on our team now. We’re going to wipe the floor at regionals.” 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Wesley. McKinley already knows what a talent Kurt is, he won’t be a surprise to them,” Blaine reminded him. 

“Ah, but they didn’t utilize his talent,” Wes said, “it’ll shock them to see Kurt in the spotlight.” 

Wes patted Blaine’s back and guided him back to the group to finish up rehearsal. 

Blaine couldn’t help but check his phone again before he tuned back into rehearsal. He knew Kurt was getting coffee and that’s why he wasn’t answering his phone. 

One of the best things about Kurt was when you were with him everything else was put aside. Blaine was sure if things got really serious, Kurt would shut his phone off entirely to prove a point. Right now, it was annoying as hell. Blaine needed to see a reassuring text that Kurt wasn’t running off into the sunset with Duncan Samuels. 

What if his phone was turned off because the two of them were standing at the altar? Everyone turns their phones off in church. 

He really really needed to talk to him. Blaine didn’t want to be the type of soulmate that holds onto that information too long. It’s like he’s lying to himself not being with Kurt. 

Once rehearsal was finally over, Blaine rushed over to the on-campus cafe where he knew Kurt would be. He had to be there. 

When Blaine pushed his way through the door, he saw Kurt was sitting alone nursing what looked to be a cup of tea. When Blaine approached him he could tell it was Chamomile. 

“Can I sit?” 

Kurt nodded but didn’t say a word as Blaine hung his bag across the back of the chair and removed his blazer. 

He expected a question about the Warblers, perhaps an inquiry about his status to become one but nothing came. Kurt wasn’t even drinking his tea. 

“What’s wrong? Did Duncan say something to upset you?”

“I’m fine, Blaine,” Kurt said, “Duncan didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me as usual.” 

Blaine didn’t understand. 

“Am I that unlovable?” 

“What?” 

Kurt was the most kind, sincere person he knew and Blaine had only met him a few weeks ago. He was most certainly lovable considering Blaine fell for him in just under 3 weeks 

“I can’t really blame him,” Kurt continued, “it’s not his fault we aren’t soulmates.” 

“You thought he was your soulmate?” 

Maybe telling Kurt wouldn’t be too difficult after all. 

“It’s just he made this comment yesterday that made me think…but of course I got too ahead of myself again and really I should know by now,” Kurt mumbled the last bit, “nothing ever goes to plan.” 

“You can say that again.” 

This cafe wasn’t a romantic candlelit dinner. He didn’t have rose petals to scatter around. There was no champagne to toast. But he had the most important thing. 

Blaine reached across the table to grab Kurt’s hand. “Think of a song.” 

“Why?” 

“Just do it,” Blaine said. 

Kurt’s face was scrunched up in a “I’m confused but I’ll trust you” kind of way. 

As soon as the song hit him, Blaine opened his mouth to sing, “this could be the start of something new…it feels so right to be here with you.”

“How did you—?” 

Blaine smiled at him. “Pick another song.” 

“Your cares and troubles are gone. They'll be no more from now on.”

His mouth opens slightly. 

“Your turn,” Blaine said, “ I want you to sing what comes to mind.” 

Wasn’t the best way to prove they were soulmates to test each other? 

Blaine wanted Kurt to have his own moment of realization even if he engineered it. He didn’t want their “how-did-you-know” story to be him informing Kurt about their connection. Instead, he wanted to tell people about listening to Kurt’s Warbler audition and thinking how odd it was to know the song he was going to sing before it began. Kurt’s story would start with a laugh because he imagined someone other than Blaine as his soulmate the very same day. 

And wasn’t that just so silly of him? 

Rather than have Kurt just sing to him, Blaine harmonized with him. This was the proof. He’d sing everything Kurt could come up with and vice versa. 

“But baby, can't you see there's nothing else for me to do? I'm hopelessly devoted to you.”

“Blaine,” Kurt said. “We’re….”

He nodded. 

Before Blaine even realized it, Kurt was out of his seat leaning towards him, they’re kissing. Kurt’s fingers are curved around his chin and his other hand is tickling the curls at the back of his neck. The tiny wisps of hair that always escape the gel by the late afternoon. 

Blaine would happily keep his curls loose if it meant Kurt would keep his hands in his hair always. Especially, if it meant they’d never stop kissing. 

Eventually, Kurt has to pull away. They’re still close enough to feel each other’s breath. 

“Soulmates,” Blaine whispered. 

It had been quiet while they kissed like everything else in the world just stopped. All the sounds of Dalton came rushing back all at once. The students in the halls, coffee orders being called out, and the shuffling of chairs as people came and went. 

“When did you know?” Kurt asked, sitting down again. 

Blaine pulled his seat around so they were closer and Kurt immediately reached for his hand. 

***

3 months later. 

Blaine hadn’t been upset to lose to McKinley at Regionals. How could he have been when he got to sing with his soulmate in front of a crowd? Their duet was so in sync and the crowd could tell. He doesn’t think he ever received such a loud applause. 

Blaine had wanted to just be in that moment forever—staring into Kurt’s eyes hearing the words in his head just before they were said aloud, gripping his hand before pushing him into the spotlight to soak up the audience’s love. 

No, Blaine was happy about Regionals. The Warblers had worked hard on the set; their second place trophy sat on the right corner of the council’s table at meetings now. What Blaine was concerned about was Kurt’s leaving. 

His dorm room was empty now, the last suitcase zipped up. Blaine was sitting on his boyfriend’s mattress taking in the last moment that Kurt was a Dalton student. 

“I’ll miss you too, you know, a lot,” Kurt said from the doorway. 

“I know,” Blaine replied, “it’s just sad.” 

Kurt took a seat next to him on the bed. 

“I’ll sing to you.” 

Blaine smiled. “Promise?” 

“Everyday.” Kurt kissed his cheek. 

They were going to be okay.