#mst3k captions

[sadhornydemons]

Incorrect Quotes Only

"What do you mean, you can't deliver a pizza to a dumpster?!"

"So I got all dressed up for the Ozzy Osbourne show, and GUESS what it was instead?"

"You're watching Hell-a-Novela? FUCK! I forgot that was on tonight!"

"Loonie, can you be a dear and pretend to be daddy's date for tonight?...What to you mean, 'I couldn't have phrased that more creepy'?!"

"Moxxie, I need new pants."

"So, Stolas...you down to help me stalk my employees for the night?...You are? Huh...You also stalk your employees occasionally?...Yeah...Well, sometimes record mine while I'm watching...Sure, we can watch it later!"

"Sorry, I just realized bags of garbage are more comfortable than my couch and needed to vent...I don't care if 'This is Wendy's!'...Well, fine, put that BITCH WENDY on the phone then!"

"The 'Burger King', glad I could reach you, I hope you're more patient than that red headed burger skank."

[muttonchopsalley]

@rhetthammersmith

An episode of "Project Popcorn", a Russian homage/ripoff of MST3K (Turn on the captions for the English translation)

[ninbinary]

would it surprise you to know

..that that "Santa Claus" movie from mexico made famous by MST3k, may not have great closed-captioning on one of the english language copies on the youtubes?

[elodieunderglass]

You know the mystery science theatre 3000 (MST3K) guys? Ages ago they did this thing called Rifftrax where they’d parody a more modern movie in a soundtrack that you could sync up with your own copy of the movie and play together, so they could sell parodies of recent movies without coming afoul of copyright.

Anyway the gang did Jaws. And in Jaws, Quint the fisherman has a scene in the middle of a Panicked Mob Town Meeting, where everyone is gathered around to panic and form a mob to hunt the shark. Quint has nothing but contempt for them. He claims the floor (I think by scratching his fingernails on a chalkboard ?) and proceeds to sneer

and has a very long dialogue where he is just like… slowly and menacingly listing improbable fish in a scornful manner. BLUEGILL SNOUTFISH. SPITEFUL HOWLER SHARK. DOUBLE GILLED FRINGEMOUTH. WANDERING OTTOMAN.

One of the MST3k guys, pretending to be a townsperson, whispers “why is he doing this?”

And another guy replies comfortably:

“Oh, he gets drunk and makes up fish” 😌

“getting drunk and making up fish” instantly changed my brain chemistry in ways I still can’t quantify. It is something I have done for years. LOVE getting drunk and making up fish. it takes some familiarity with fish, I can tell you.

ANYWAY I could tell this mushroom post was a pure fantasy writing thing and it set off my AI sensors, so I looked up Marian Spencer and it’s just a person who makes up mushrooms . In the old days you’d have to do this yourself and put it in a book. But this person is purely doing it on AI, they’re not even writing the captions.

I feel like Quint. Beleaguered, bedraggled, bewildered and angry.

IN THE OLD DAYS YOUD HAVE TO GET DRUNK AND MAKE UP FISH. THEY DONT EVEN LET YOU GET DRUNK ANYMORE.

Marian spencer (credit)

Aurora Mycena: The ‘Rainbow Glowcaps’

Aurora mycena, known as the ‘Rainbow Glowcaps,’ is a breathtaking fungal species that dazzles with its vibrant, saturated hues. Found on damp logs in misty forests, these small, fan-shaped mushrooms display a radiant spectrum of colors—from fiery reds and oranges to calming blues, vivid purples, and golden yellows—both on their caps and gilled undersides. Their otherworldly glow makes them a true gem of the fungal world.

Native to the temperate rainforests of the Pacific Northwest, Aurora mycena thrives in dimly lit, moisture-rich habitats, where its colors stand out against the muted greens and browns of mossy woodland floors.

What sets these fungi apart is their striking bioluminescence. When night falls, Aurora mycena comes alive with a luminous glow, casting vibrant, colorful light across the forest floor. This natural radiance not only highlights their delicate structures but also adds a layer of mystery to their already magical appearance.

Despite their enchanting allure, Aurora mycena serves as a silent guardian of the forest, deterring animals and foragers alike with its highly toxic compounds. Consuming these fungi can cause severe harm, solidifying their role as the “keepers of the forest balance.”

These glowing beauties are a dream subject for macro photography enthusiasts, who often capture their ethereal hues and glowing textures with meticulous focus stacking. So, if you happen upon these radiant wonders on your forest adventures, admire them from a safe distance and let them continue their role as protectors of their ecosystem. "

[hellyeahmst3k]

Have you see the mst3k captioned youtube channel? it's brilliant!

I’ve not! I tried my hand at attempting to caption the Leech Woman, but I didn’t finish, I suppose.

After reading this question, though, I went and subbed the YT channel and the discord because I want more ppl to be able to enjoy the show. Thanks for the question!

[flowersandbirdsflyingfree]

[weirdchristmas]

I should add: the best captions are surprising, take the card seriously, piss of even your closest friends along with your worst enemies, subtly point out and mock modern senses of social/ethical superiority, appreciate boobs (male or female), nostalgically implicate the greatness of the America-that-is-not-yet-needs-to-be-yet-again-great (even if it's from England), appreciate boobs (there are usually two), reference an MST3K joke (which is itself a reference to something most people have now forgotten), rip off George Carlin or Richard Pryor, celebrate the wholesomeness of all holidays and the REAL meaning of the season, appreciate boobs (there are usually three), shame the reader for not getting it, expose the writer's inner emotional exhaustion with the bare endurance required by modern life, direct traffic to WeirdChristmas.com merch (whether existent or non-existent), and pun.

Do my shitty jokes on the cards exasperate you? Do you wish they were worse? I learned a long time ago only to accept criticism if people are willing to WORK to make their point. Want to write some captions on the cards WITHOUT ANY PAY WHATSOEVER!? I'm looking for help. If you want to help me write some jokes for nothing other than the jollies, pick a handful of old cards (let's say at least five) and send me your BETTER captions to "weirdxmas" AT good ole "gmail.com". Send them to me by Wednesday, Nov 20.

No long term obligations involved. Truthfully, I'm just looking to shake things up.

[mothcpu]

THEM!!!

[twinpeakscaptions]

[junkyardbluebox]

bwahahahaha!! Takes me back to one of my favorite MST3K episodes XD

man-and-atom "My name is Perpugilliam Brown, and I can shout louder than you can!"

reddalek02 Mr Meaker ? Where’s the rent?

Hee! Great captions, everyone! Been a long, hot, stressful day and I needed the giggles :D

Caption This!

[mouseratz]

legiterally the biggest problem with VHS isn't image quality it's lack of caption options (sometimes the VHS player has a button on the remote that looks like it should do something but it never does lmfao). but some DVDs don't even have them either. so. I LOVE mst3k but they usually don't have captions in either format :/

thank you fire walk with me DVD for having easy to find and turn on captions. and they're the big thick font type too

[cactusreadingforeignthings]

an unusual accessibility request....

I know it’s more usual to bring attention to how bad youtube’s auto captioning is, and to request people record their own captions.  And this is totally legit,  there’s a very good reason the youtube auto captions are called “craptions”.  the one upside to this is that sometimes you get hilarious stuff.  It’s like watching that Engrish Star Wars Bootleg or MST3K sometimes. it’s not 100% bad though, but enough that even sloppy humans can be better.

But that’s not what I’m asking about here.  youtube “craptions” are still better than none.  by a long shot.  but for some reason, youtube doesn’t always put them on automatically?  So if they aren’t going on your videos automatically, please push whatever buttons you gotta push to put them on.  And if you can’t figure out how to do that, send them an issue report, they will put the on for you or tell you how.  Totally get writing real captions takes time, but asking for auto captions takes seconds,  so basically I’m not asking for The Best, I’m asking for busy, lazy, or just smart about their energy people to take the lazy option at least and let the computer do it for you.

at the best you’ll be helping people with hearing disabilities and people learning your language as a second language.

at the very least you have the chance of “Yoda” coming out as “yogurt” and making someone spray coffee all over their desk.

(and yes, please feel free to spread this)

[thecomicsnexus]

The Origin of Fireball

PEP COMICS #12 FEBRUARY 1941 BY PAUL REINMAN

SYNOPSIS

A mindless pyromaniac (I assume) likes to set buildings on fire and every now and then, the occasional fireman. Such is the fate of Ted Tyler, who is attacked by “The Bug”, he knocks him out and leaves him unconscious. The walls give in (but not the roof), throwing chemicals over Ted. He then becomes “THE FIREBALL”. Oh, the building collapses with him inside a little bit after the chemical situation.

When he wakes up in the hospital, he realizes that he can cause fire and absorb it. So there is no question about it, he must become “THE FIREBALL”.

Because we still have a few pages to “burn”, he goes against the bug and in a few panels sets him on fire and throws him out the window (or he jumps by his own volition).

REVIEW

This story is in the public domain (although the character is most likely trademarked these days as he used to be in “Crusaders”), so it would be a good one for the MST3K comic-book.

Let’s start with the writing, because this is even bad for golden age standards. The writer feels the need to state the obvious every now and then in his captions. The whole thing feels like a recap before an episode, you know, something that needs to be narrated in a few seconds.

The character idea is also a mix of other characters, but perhaps the most obvious is Human Torch. At least he had the decency of making him “hot” without the flames. He survives a building collapsing on him, yet he cannot become intangible and he doesn’t have super-strength (that we know of yet). Maybe he melted the whole building?

The art in this comic is also a problem, proportions and perspectives are mostly wrong. I understand, though, that for the Golden Age, the bar was low and this may have been considered a good looking comic at the time.

I give the story a score of 4

[musanocturnis]

mst3k huh

they’re talking kinda fast to keep up with the movies and i’m still feverish so i’m not catching everything, so i turned on closed captioning and i was gonna take screenshots to show youtube mangling it for hilarity

....except it’s not mangling the closed captioning.

mean, it gets nice and ice confused sometimes, and the squeaky-voiced bot evades detection, but other than that it’s

actually useful o.O

[tvguidancecounselor]

TV Guidance Counselor Episode 527: Drew McWeeny

August 28 - September 3, 1993

This week Ken welcomes film critic, screen writer and all around movie oracle Drew McWeeny to the show.

Ken and Drew discuss Ken's shock that people listen to the show, 1993, the Late Night Wars, moving to LA, going to an Arsenio taping, loving Letterman, the beauty of late night TV, Tom Snyder, being terrified by the Son of Sam, watching TV late at night, SVHS, getting a snapshot of a time and place, being heavily into laserdiscs, Ken Crane, what The Grimace's Second Wife watches, 227, spin offs, the beauty of YouTube, Dick Cavett, Ken's dislike of Leno, Mike Nesmith's Television Parts, It's Gary Shandling's Show, the shock of Letterman not getting The Tonight Show, Leno screwing over Conan, the magic of panels, closed captioning, how bad they still are, the writer's strike, The "New" Mission Impossible, developing an MST3k Habit, rent-a-friend, Dream On, Tales from the Crypt, Body Bags, John Carpenter, Mick Garris, Ken's love of The Real World, SNL, loving late night pay cable in the 80s and 90s, USA Up All Night, The Creature Feature Movie Guide, TV Guide 2 star movies, the debut of Nickelodeon's SNICK, why animators were the best kinds of nerds, Ren & Stimpy, Bruce Campbell, Briscoe County Jr., 120 Minutes, The MTV Music Video Awards, The MTV Movie Awards, getting fired from being a tour guide at Universal Studios, MTV Week in Rock, Roseanne, the sad decline of Tobe Hooper, Invaders from Mars, Stephen King's Sleepwalkers, The Larry Sanders Show, Tall Hopes, The John Larroquette Show, loving The X-Files even though it's not on yet, Bonnie Hunt's The Building, Bob, Eye Witness Video, how important music videos were, knowing the directors, and how much the world has changed.