#much easier than a 34 letter name

[birds-are-better-than-you]

Sweet, young, trainee: how do you say your name?

Me: easy! [tells her how to say three letter name]

Her: is that short for anything?

Me: haha [gives full Hebrew name]

Her: 👁️👄👁️

[jewish-vents]

I’m Jewish through my dad but I wasn’t raised in the community(i learned what Purim was two weeks ago, i was fully not in it), so when I got to college last august I decided to really dive in and it’s been a beautiful sort of homecoming for me. I joined SAEPi and got into Chabbad leadership at my campus, and I’m almost at the point where I can do the Chabbad Shabbat prayers before and after dinner without stumbling over my words. Gonna surprise my grandma if I see her in the summer. Anyways.

When October 7th happened it was a shock to my system, because I was a baby Jew barely getting my feet. My parents never mentioned antisemitism to me as something that could affect me in the future, it was always a thing of the past. But I was right there standing in the doorway between jew-ish and Jewish, and it pushed me over the edge. I had many friends with family in Israel. I had a couple friends whose friends died in the attack. Everyone in that group was my family. It felt personal.

When the march in dc happened I went with one of my friends, and it was sad, but amazing to see in person how strong we are. In the plane terminal on the way home he and I got cornered and called baby killers, among other things, because he was wearing a kippa and his Israeli first responder coat. That was my first time experiencing antisemitism and it was terrifying, even though I didn’t get hurt. It was terrifying even though my friend was built like a tank and would’ve protected me. It was terrifying just to sit in the train car with him and watch a woman stare at him with wide eyes like he was some kind of criminal. I stepped closer to him as if to remind her he’s human. I stared back at her with just as much fear and watched her snap out of it, confused.

Last week was holocaust awareness week at my college, and one of the things I did was spend a couple hours in the plaza reading the names of people that died. I found 34 Feldmans and Fotts. I found family names, Chana and Fayge and Jeshua and Sophia Feldman one after the other, and still am wondering if that was part of my family that didn’t make it to the US in time.

I called my grandma and asked for everything she could remember about her family lineage and how we got here, everything she had from that part of her life. I thought that there would be plenty to lean into, family recipes and heirlooms and stories, but there was barely anything. She has a Star of David necklace and a ton of repressed memories, next to nothing else. The recipes I could find were through my great aunt, some short instructions from my great grandmother on the back of a letter she sent to the aunt about what to ask for from a kosher butcher.

My family made it here in 1915 and 1921, they escaped before the holocaust, but they still weren’t untouched because of the ways they were ostracized and othered when they got here. My grandmother will barely admit she’s Jewish because none of her kids passed it on, it’s easier for her to let it go. I didn’t understand this until I realized that one couldn’t be hurt by the grief and pain of a family they aren’t part of.

Even those that survive are not left unscarred.

How could this not be personal? How could it not be generationally affective when it’s pushed so many to minimize their Jewishness out of self preservation? Raise their kids thinking they aren’t Jewish and hope their names never end up on a list of living or dead Jews? People still don’t see us as human. the antisemites still want to scar us. They want us to forget who we are.

It’s unreal to me when goyim act like American Jews in the current day are unaffected by the past and safe from antisemitism. I’ve been here less than a year and have been screamed at in an airport, have uncovered serious intergenerational trauma, and realized that of my Jewish family I have nothing to hold on to but a torn in half piece of paper with a sentence long tangent about brisket.

We are strong and we will outlive them, but god are we still fucking fighting for our lives.

.

[eviesessays]

36. What do you think is the meaning of life?

The easy answer to the question of the meaning of life is most likely and honestly, “I really do not know.”  In my younger years I did think the question was all too deadly serious for me to insult by taking seriously.  Now as I approach the end of my life I know that is a dereliction of our duty to value, honor, cherish and take responsibility for the one precious life each of us is given.  

For most of my life I have struggled with those things that conflict us at the deepest levels of our consciousness, namely,”Who am I?’ and “Why am I here?”  Over the years my response has changed but never completely satisfied.

When I was young I was aware of a woman and her crippled daughter, Ellen who lived in Sioux Lookout.  Ellen was crippled with a very visible limp and was always guided by her Mother’s hand.  Their clothes were always clean but they wore the same clothes all the years I remember them.  I always greeted them but made no further effort to know them better. I considered that a shortcoming in my character. Did I think myself superior?   Now 75 years later, I would make an effort to know Ellen better and I wonder what the meaning of life was for Ellen and her mother. 

My  brother, Kip was born with a heart defect that limited him all his life and finally limited his very life.  Only those close to Kip knew this because he had a , “joie de vivre” that was to be envied.   He was able to see the good in everyone and everything.  He knew from a young age that his life was going to be shorter than most and he meant to make the best of it.  When Kip turned 34 he noted in a letter to me, that he had now made it longer than Jesus Christ and he would never have put money on himself.  He made the most of the time he had and his life had more meaning since he was going to have less of it.

My brother, Carl, at 81 was ravaged with lung cancer.  He had been a hard working robust man all his life.  For years he made the trip over the mountains to Bella Coola and salmon fishing.  On return, he canned and smoked his fish. He hunted and processed his meat himself.  He once built and flew his own airplane.  He built his home and the homes of two of his children.  He made his own wine from raspberries he grew and from Saskatoon berries that grew wild.  He loved life and made the most of it.  I wish I had asked him what he thought was the meaning of life.  Now, when his life expectancy was very limited and his pain severe, he chose an assisted death which is allowed in Canada with strict parameters.  We spoke by phone that morning and wept. and told each other how much we loved each other one last time.  Doreen called me twenty minutes after the injection.  Carl was gone.  All his children and grandchildren were present.  Our brother, Michael was present for the injection but left, unable to bear what was inevitable.  Doreen told me that Carl looked more peaceful than he had in weeks. He deserved some freedom from his pain.

My Nursing school classmate, Val, had for years extolled the virtues and joy of living with Jesus as her lord and savior.  She had hoped to convince me.  She had a ministry.  She wrote letters to men in prison encouraging them to accept the Lord. She claimed to be rapturously happy but she was estranged from all three of her children and divorced from her husband.  I wondered how she defined happiness.  I had to admit that it seemed easier for her but I know I wold have found thus totally unfulfilling.  

I have wondered what the meaning of life is to a young virile university man who steps onto the ice in his first game.  He slides into the boards and is a paraplegic for the rest of his days.  Yet, he has found meaning to his life.  He does good works with young people in similar circumstances.  His life has meaning.  He does not resent the cruel hoax life dealt him.

I feel certain I could not be that accepting. 

I am looking at my snow covered garden.  It is past mid March and soon a crocus will appear.  Then the crocus and tulips will join the celebration of new life.  I will go to work in my garden, planting and potting with my search for the meaning of life still a work in progress.

[mandos-mind-trick]

4,5,7,9,25,31, 34, 37, 38 👀

Aah okay so many

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

Like feral good or feral bad? Feral good, I mean...I don't think I really have one? I like a lot of words lol. Feral bad, it's definite "doesn't" because I somehow got the muscle memory to type it "doens't" and I literally have to fix it every time. Every damn time.

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

I don't think I have any. I mean, I have to be in the right position, with a certain computer to write, but I don't think that counts.

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

Oh boy, I'm gonna try to keep this short. Really, it's the expression. I'm not good at speaking or conveying things out loud successfully, but in writing that's a whole other story. It's a lot easier for me to write than to speak and I've always been that way. It's also a way to express things that I might not be comfortable speaking about, or things I may not want to necessarily relive out loud. I can write things like trauma or negative experiences in way that feels safe. Writing's always been an outlet for me and I remember the brief time when it wasn't and that really was a dark time there.

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

I don't know if I really truly believe in them. I jokingly blame things on them when weird things happen in our house, and I watch a lot of ghost hunting shows (mostly cause they're hilarious). I do believe in the possibility of there being ghosts, but until I see one, I guess you could count me as a skeptic?

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

Midnight is secretly afraid of one type of candy because she almost choked on one as a kid.

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

I am so bad at stuff like this oh god. I've never written a love letter in my life.

Dear readers,

I hope your day is treating you well. I hope it's been easy and stress free and you've gotten to do something you love, even if it's something small. I just wanted to remind you that you mean so much to me. Every single one of you that takes the time to read one of my stories, those who like them, those who reblog, those who comment, every single one of you is so special to me. It brings me so much joy to see so many of you enjoying my writing and I can't thank you enough. I hope the rest of your day is kind to you, and don't forget to treat yourself with kindness.

(this was so bad omg just me the cheesiest person I know)

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

Absolutely necessary, 100% use it and think it's needed. It gives context to things that may otherwise be confusing without it. Like the old example of: "I love my dogs, pizza and baseball." Like how are we supposed to know if they're listing things they like, or they're listing the names of their dogs. Like yes, there could be other contextual clues, but still, the oxford comma is absolutely something that should be used.

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

Damn she's got some issues. Lol, no, like I hope that my words live that long but they'd definitely think I had some deep rooted issues, and I'm also very horny.

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

I mean, I did state above that I only write really well on a certain computer. Like, I hate writing on my desktop and I always struggle, but I can bust a chapter out in a couple hours on my laptop. Also, when I'm writing fic, like I have to have a picture of whatever character I'm writing of up on my screen. Like, I have two screens for my desktop and one of them is just pintrest open with Wolffe's face everywhere cause I have to be able to stare at him while I write like I'm gonna forget what he looks like or something. Literally can't write without it.

[wickedobsessed101]

Fanfic Writer Asks

[SOURCE: criminal-minds-fanfiction: Most of the writer ask posts I come across are only like ten or so questions long so I thought I’d try to make a longer one because we like talking about our writing! Feel free to reblog!]

I’m answering all of these b/c I love Q & A’s about my writing, both for my fics and other things.

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction? It was 2013, so I was 14 years old. I’m now almost 23.

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one? I’m mostly in the Wicked Musical fandom, but I like to read for other fandoms, like Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Chronicles of Narnia, ect.

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer. OCs, but I’m more than willing to create an OC for someone based on characteristics they give me.

4) What is your favourite genre to write for? I love me some fluffy romance and hurt/comfort, but I also love some angsty drama.

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi-chaptered stories, which would it be and why? OMG, don’t make me choose! They’re all my babies! I love all my children equally! They all hold special places in my heart.

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why? Goodness, most of my stories prior to 2017, because I was in high school and had no idea what I was doing because I was just getting my feet wet with writing.

7) When is your preferred time to write? Anytime really. The latest I’ve stayed up writing a fic was 4AM. *Glares at ‘Threads of Truth’*

8) Where do you take your inspiration from? Where ever it happens to come up. I’m not picky. Movies, music, people I’ve seen on the street, random thoughts that enter my head, anything.

9) In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote? In ‘Threads of Truth’, it’s a tie between Villy’s first date, and an argument that happens in an upcoming chapter. And that’s all I’m saying about that.

10) In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind? In ‘Play The Game’, I liked the epilogue ending that I gave Elphaba with her family, even without Fiyero. I like writing her with kids. Another ending would be with the Fiyeraba still together, but I’m satisfied with the ending it has.

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it? I’ll go back and fix typos that are pointed out, but I don’t change plot stuff. Like, I wrote what I wrote and I will amend my technique in future stories.

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why? Other than my OCs, because I get to fully create them and my lowkey babies, I’d have to say G(a)linda. She has so much potential and she’s so much fun.

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why? Boq. Not because I hate him (I don’t!), but because I don’t normally know what to do with him. If he’s not with Nessa, he’s literally just standing there like a brick wall. No offence, Boq!

14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx? - You can ask about multiple stories. [Ask me about a specific story(ies)]

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names? I usually change consonants and vowels to already existing names, or add unnecessary letters because... reasons.

16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx? [Ask me about a specific story]

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on. “Hopefully, this will soak up any more leaks.” (Upcoming Wicked fanfic)

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them? Yes, 2. Both of them are a few years old and I’ve grown as a writer since then. Maybe one day, I’ll edit them and repost, but not anytime soon.

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to? Not everything can have a sequel, y’all! XD

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently? Yes! Around 60% of them.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire? @vinkunwildflowerqueen @raven-curls @mylittleelphie @weaselspeedfanfic Ultimate Queen of Cliffies

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it? This goes back to Question #6; most of what I posted prior to 2017.

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence? Silence. I need to focus.

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes? I can’t write it. They’ll make out, and then be pregnant in the next chapter. Y’all can do the math for yourselves.

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story? YES! Yes, I have! Both sad tears and tears of joy. I’ve also cringed from second-hand embarrassment at the things the characters do and say. I’m not in control of their actions all the time. Sometimes they tell me what they’re gonna do, and I’m like, “Well, alright, then.”

26) Which part of your xxx fic was the hardest to write? [Ask me about a specific story]

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow? I write bullet points of things I want to happen in a chapter on the Word Doc, or in the story as a whole, and I try to keep those bullet points in order. And the Notes App on my phone holds a lot of my ideas, and sometimes full scenes.

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction? That I’d become obsessed with writing and continue doing it for almost ten years, as well as expanding to writing plays and musicals.

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like? Yeah. I’m not gonna say which one, but just know there’s one... or a few.

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at? Yes, and I’m still not gonna say which one(s). I want all the love!

31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec, not the answerer) Yeah, sure!

32) Are any of your characters based on real people? Yes. Villy Doiir from ‘Threads of Truth’ is based on 4 people I know in real life, all mixed together into one wholesome, mother figure/ mentor. Perhaps that’s why I like writing her so much.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten? All reviews keep me going, no matter the length. But I love it when people review saying that they picked up on little references that were really just for me. It makes me feel like we’ve shared a moment.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten? A guest reviewer once said, “You tend to write Fiyero as an abusive person”. It wasn’t harsh, just... NOT TRUE. Especially for the story they were reviewing.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest? Close to my chest. I’ll share it with the world when I’m ready.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s? NOPE! You’ll just have to wait and see! LOL!

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written? I... really don’t know. My stories all have their funny moments.

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it. I’m very busy, and collabs aren’t really my thing, but I’m always willing to lend an extra pair of eyes pre-posting.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person? I’ve written one story in the first person and it was fun to get into the character’s head, but I love third person, cause I like knowing what everyone is thinking. Second person makes me feel a certain way and that don’t really like.

40) Do people know you write fanfiction? IRL, no. It’s not something I bring up over dinner. I’ll talk about my plays and musicals, but not fanfiction. I like keeping my fics for the online peeps and my more personal writings for the RL peeps.

41) What’s you favourite minor character you’ve written? My OC, Princess Hannalyn, from ‘A Royal Romance’. She was so much fun!

42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song xxx for xxx. I haven’t done a song fic.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it? Not fully, but they’ve had little inklings, but certain details were still a surprise. And I’m not mad about it.

44) What is the last line you wrote? “I don’t want this to be the last time we see each other.”

45) What spurs you on during the writing process? When I’ll have one idea, and it spirals into many others, and when the characters write themselves. It makes it so much easier for me. Sometimes they tell me that they’re about to make a bad decision, and I just go along with it. They need to learn and grow somehow.

46) I really loved your xxx fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it? [Ask me for a specific story]

47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about? [Ask me]

48) What’s your favourite trope to write? I love a good Royalty AU (not fully AU ‘cause of our princey-prince, but still) and Holiday AUs. And I’ve never written a Coffeeshop AU, but I LOVE reading them. I’ll read anything. I’m not picky, and I love to see what ideas others have.

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about? Yes, and both of them were Gelphies: 1 - “Easier Said Than Done” by mecelphie - It’s part of a long, wonderful series of Elphaba and Glinda together at Shiz and how their lives evolve together and has many lovable OCs. 2 - “The Thropp Diaries” by denpa wave chick saki - It’s first-person Elphaba POV of the book. It expands on lots of mentioned moments and we get to journey through Elphaba’s thoughts.

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? I’d have to say fluff, so I can get my escape from reality. But it’s hard to write pure fluff without a little bit of conflict.

If you wanna read my stories, they’re all right here: Fae’sFlower

[jaxsteamblog]

Love Letters

This is the plain text version of an IMAGE SET! Please check out the chapter on AO3 for the visual, or enjoy the plain text here! If you end up liking the visual chapter, make sure to thank @the--descension and their fic, as well as @zk-modernau!

Click here to read the full fic on AO3

Image ID: Screenshots of a text chat between Katara in green chat bubbles and Zuko in white chat bubbles. / End Image ID 

[Author’s note, timestamps are not included in this transcript as they were not accurately edited in the app. Texts will be labelled by sender first, followed by the message. Readers using accessible software please be aware that text messages will include extra punctuation for emphasis and misspellings. Emojis used will be typed out as a description.]

Blue text box with the date December 09, 2020

Yellow text box with lock symbol that reads Messages to this chat and calls are now secured with end-to-end encryption. Tap for more info.

Katara: BTFS!!!!!

Zuko: That good huh?

Katara: WHY are there so many earth kingdom cities????

Zuko: Oh, geography class. My favorite.

Katara: Crying emoji. This is worse than anatomy.

Zuko: NOTHING is worse than anatomy.

Katara: True. 

Katara: But why do I have to memorize this? I can Booble ALL OF IT.

Zuko: Same reasons as anatomy.

Katara: Three red angry emojis 

Katara: I’m making everyone wear name tags.

Zuko: That’s one way to handle it.

Zuko: Have you learned anything about FN yet?

Katara: Why else am I dating you if not for that?

Zuko: I thought it was for my stunning good looks….

Katara: I do miss your face.

Zuko: I miss yours too.

Katara: You’re coming for the coronation right?

Zuko: That’s the plan.

Katara: How is your family being?

Zuko: Terrible, as usual. Who knew a failed kidnapping plot would put them in such a bad mood?

Katara: Straight face emoji

Katara: I still think you should’ve said something.

Zuko: It would just make things worse.

Katara: I know.

Katara: I keep thinking about you during these stupid lessons.

Katara: I can’t believe you already know all this BS.

Zuko: I’ve been learning it since I was a kid. Male shrug emoji

Katara: Sure, but I’ve seen your interviews and stuff.

Katara: You’re really good at it.

Zuko: Aww, are you internet stalking me???

Katara: Shut up!!!

Katara: I feel like every interviewer has a crush on you.

Zuko: Again, my stunning good looks.

Katara: That’s starting to sound like sarcasm. You are aware that you’re handsome, right?

Zuko: Love IS blind.

Katara: I’m serious! You have really nice cheekbones.

Zuko: And you say you can’t be diplomatic.

Katara: You’re impossible.

Zuko: I just don’t do well with compliments like that.

Katara: I’ll have to find other ways to compliment you then. Smiling devil emoji

Zuko: Sounds like a challenge.

Katara: I have to go. Arnook has me working with Pakku on “Courtly Behaviors.”

Zuko: Sounds terrible. Have fun!

Katara: Miss you! Six emoji hearts alternating red and blue

Zuko: Miss you too.

Blue text box with the date December 22, 2020

Zuko: So, by the end of it, Uncle had the guy by his collar and the wife was mortified. 

Katara: I cannot believe this happened.

Zuko: Me neither. It only ever happens when I’m home.

Katara: Do you ever wish you stayed in Ba Sing Se?

Zuko: I used to, from time to time.

Katara: Not now?

Zuko: Now I think about how the Water Tribe Queen can’t go around dating a tea server. 

Katara: What if we both left and ran off to the earth kingdom interior? We can open up our own tea and herb shop.

Zuko: Training not going well?

Katara: Training is FINE.

Katara: I just really miss you.

Zuko: I miss you too.

Zuko: I think about you all the time. It’s really distracting.

Zuko: I zoned out in the middle of an important luncheon today.

Katara: Why????

Zuko: I was thinking about you.

Katara: That’s dumb. You’re dumb.

Zuko: You like me dumb.

Katara: Hot and dumb, himbos forever.

Zuko: Hey, Thuy’s calling me. I gotta go.

Katara: Say hi!

Zuko: Will do. Talk to you later?

Katara: Heart eyes emoji

Blue text box with the date December 30, 2020

Katara: And it happens every new moon!

Zuko: That sounds like a lot of work every month.

Katara: It’s unbelievable.

Katara: I mean, maybe the South Pole did it before the war. But it’d be news to me.

Zuko: I guess that’s why they really want a Bender on the throne.

Katara: It makes things easier but also, we know the moon is going to come back. Like, scientifically.

Zuko: I think Arnook might be holding on for different reasons.

Katara: Shoot. Yeah. You’re right.

Katara: Crap, now I feel bad.

Zuko: Sorry. I do understand what you’re saying though.

Katara: Maybe I can change it? Make it more about Yue and less like we’re all gonna die if we don’t appease the spirits?

Zuko: That sounds reasonable. 

Zuko: You’re really getting good at this.

Katara: I’m good with the tribe stuff. I’m still bad doing all this talking out the side of my mouth.

Zuko: Pardon? Monocle emoji

Katara: It’s an Earth Kingdom expression. When you’re not talking straight and buttering someone up. Or backhanded compliments.

Zuko: Unfortunately, you’ll have to do that a lot.

Katara: Whyyyyyy? I’ll be queen. What are they gonna do about it?

Zuko: Rebel?

Katara: Against the ocean? Eye roll emoji

Zuko: Sounding a bit tyrannical there darling. Fire emoji

Katara: They’re making me do all this stuff!!! It’s not fair!!!!

Zuko: It’ll get easier.

Katara: Can’t I just go visit you? Let’s go to Ember Island again.

Zuko: I wish. 

Zuko: You look good on a beach.

Katara: Everyone looks good on a beach. That’s why it’s popular.

Zuko: Fair.

Katara: I can’t believe that was just a few months ago.

Zuko: I can’t believe we’ve been dating for a full season now.

Katara: Do we have an actual anniversary? Thinking emoji

Zuko: Honestly, I wasn’t thinking about it because I don’t want to jinx this.

Katara: Three cry laughing emojis

Katara: Would it be the summit tho?

Zuko: I guess so?

Katara: We wasted SO MUCH TIME this summer.

Zuko: Well…

Katara: It’s not my fault you were dating someone else.

Zuko: If I had been bolder during the war…

Katara: How would that have even worked?

Katara: I hadn’t even hit my peak rage against the Fire Nation

Zuko: Probably wouldn’t have been down for dating the crown prince then huh?

Katara: But it was you. So who knows?

Zuko: You think you would’ve still fallen for me?

Katara: Didn’t I do exactly that?

Zuko: That wasn’t me though.

Katara: Tomato, potato

Zuko: Your brother says that.

Katara: He stole it from ME!!!

Blue text box with the date January 03, 2021

Zuko: Sorry I missed your call.

Zuko: Kat?

Zuko: Are you mad at me?

Katara: Yes.

Zuko: I’m sorry Katara, the meeting ran long.

Katara: I know.

Katara: I’m still mad.

Katara: Today was really rough.

Zuko: What happened?

Katara: I don’t want to talk about it.

Zuko: Hey, did you want to call now? I’m free.

Katara: No.

Zuko: Katara.

Katara: I just really needed you! 

Katara: Arnook keeps yelling at me because I keep forgetting names and stupid stuff like that, and Pakku is telling me that I’m going to cause the next world war because I’m rude, and now one will train with me because I’m the stupid princess now and I’m really really lonely!

Zuko: I’m sorry Katara, that really sucks.

Katara: It does suck!

Katara: And when I call my boyfriend when he told me he’d be free, he didn’t pick up!

Zuko: I couldn’t control that.

Katara: I know.

Katara: I’m sorry.

Katara: I really want to see you.

Zuko: We can video chat?

Katara: No, I really want to see you in person.

Katara: We just started dating but I never get to be with you.

Katara: And when we are together, something bad always happens.

Zuko: I know. I’m sorry.

Katara: It’s not your fault.

Zuko: It kinda is though. It’s my family.

Katara: I just wish you were here.

Zuko: Me too. But I’ll see you soon.

Katara: Ugh, don’t remind me. Fed up emoji

Zuko: You’re going to do great. And you’re not going to be taking over right away. Arnook is still around for a bit. 

Katara: Promise YOU will be around for a bit?

Zuko: I’ll stay as long as I can.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38

[thethirdamell]

I’ve seen a lot of people posting a few writing memes about fic titles so I just wanted to break down where all of mine have come from and what they mean in Accursed Ones because I’m bored. Probably nothing you don’t already know in here

1. Awakening  - Name of the game + Anders literally waking up + metaphorically waking up and understanding his obligation to help 2. Nothing For It - Mean to imply that Anders had no alternative but to help and be helped by Amell in turn 3. Conscription  - What it says on the tin 4. Joining  - What it says on the tin 5. It Comes From Beneath  - Name of the quest 6. Last of the Legion  - Name of the quest 7. Memories of the Stone  - Name of the quest 8. A Night of Revelry - Meant to be ironic considering what happens 9. Freedom for Anders  - Name of the quest 10. Freedom for Anders Part Two - Name of the quest 11. The Righteous Path  - Name of the quest 12. In Retreat, Panic  - A play on the Grey Warden motto. (Also my favorite chapter in the story.) 13. All Soul's Day - Name of the annum 14. The Dark Theurge  - Name of the demon 15. Paramour  - Name of the achievement for a romance 16. Ground Rules - Ground rules for a relationship 17. Lost in Dreams  - Name of a similar quest 18. Far Afield - Name of the quest 19. Far Afield Part Two - Name of the quest 20. Uprising  - Name of the quest 21. The Resolutionist and The Aequitarian - Amell and Wynne’s respective fraternities  22. Serpents High, Angels Low - Both the rules of the team’s card game and an over-arching theme of the fic where things that are presumed to be good/evil are often the reverse.  23. Malleus Maleficarum  - The name of a treatise on witchcraft elevating sorcery to heresy and a song Malleus Maleficarum by Ordo Funebris 24. Shadows of the Blackmarsh  - Name of the quest 25. The Blackmarsh Undying  - Name of the quest 26. Pride Goes Before Destruction - A reference to the Pride demon and Amell’s pride in thinking he can handle it 27. And a Haughty Spirit Before a Fall - A reference to Justice and Anders falling for Amell 28. The Apple And The Tree - A quote about Amell being like his father 29. Lullabies - A Song - Lullabies by Yuna 30. Fools Gold - Meant to reference both Quentin and Anders’ happiness. Also a song Fools Gold Fitz and the Tantrums.  31. Eyes of the Beholder - A play off “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder” meant to reference the difference between Amell and Anders’ perspectives on losing his eyes.  32. Blame it on the Night - Meant to indicate what happened isn’t Anders’ fault. Also a song - Blame it on the Night by Calvin Harris  33. White Lies, Red Eyes - A reference to both the colors of the Amell family and Amell’s personality 34. Spirits and Demons - What it says on the tin 35. Love is Blind - An overarching theme in the story. 36. Satinalia - Name of the annum 37. Brothers and Sisters - A reference to Wardens and Anders still having family without Amell.  38. Score One for Our Heroes - Meant to be ironic. Also a quote from Anders. 39. Out of Control - The current state of things and also a reference to A Leader on Losing Control by Corb Lund which is a Leonie song.  40. Justice for Naught - Meant to imply that sometimes there is no justice but you have to keep trying anyway 41. Here's to Us Blighters - What Oghren says when night is darkest 42. Bold and Brazen and Beautiful - Amell’s description of Anders 43. Monsters and Men - Self explanatory for Justice/Anders.  44. The Best Intentions - Oft Go Awry is Unspoken  45. Blessed Are the Peacekeepers - A quote from the Chant of Light 46. Champions of the Just - The rest of the quote. Meant to be ironic.  47. The Black City - A reference to both Kirkwall and the actual Black City 48. Rip Up Your Roots - A quote from Cor and what Anders does to cope, but the follow up, “You ain’t gonna have a tree.” is equally important.  49. A Good Man - A quote from Lirene about Anders 50. First Day - The name of the annum 51. As The Crow Flies - Foreshadowing Anders learning shapeshifting 52. Wintersend - Name of the annum 53. Chasing the Sun - Name of a song. Chasing the Sun by the Wanted.  54. Doubts and Revelations - What it says on the tin 55. Birds of a Feather - Flock together. Both a joke about shapeshifting and Kanders.  56. Snap - What it says on the tin 57. Ray of Sunshine - Joke on Bethany’s name 58. Oopsy Daisy - Joke on Merrill’s name 59. Pretty Reckless - Meant to reference both Anders and Hawke’s behavior.  60. Let's Try This Again - What it says on the tin 61. A Preoccupation with Spirits - A joke about Justice and alcohol 62. Meetings - What it says on the tin 63. Acquainted - Basically just Meetings Part 2 64. Bloodline Part One -  What it says on the tin 65. Bloodline Part Two -  What it says on the tin 66. Trail of Love - Name of the quest but also references Anders’ many past and future loves. Amell, Karl, Isabela, Hawke.  67. Rude Awakening - A call back to the first chapter meant to show how much Anders has changed. Anders takes on the role of Amell here and Hawke takes on the role of Anders with respects to Blood Magic.  68. Safe Harbors - A joke about sex with Isabela 69. The Best Laid Plans - Oft Go Awry is implicit.  70. Oft Go Awry -  What it says on the tin 71. All New, Faded For Him - This was an anagram like the quest in DAI but I can’t remember what it is an anagram for. RIP 72. A Year Ago Today -  What it says on the tin 73. Friends in Low Places - Name of the quest  74. No Turning Back -  What it says on the tin 75. Senior Warden Anders -  What it says on the tin 76. Bodies So Maimed - Quote from the Chant of Light about darkspawn 77. Down in the Dark with the Dead - A quote from Eli 78. Up in the Light with the Life - The opposite of the above quote 79. A Day for Silence - Name of the annum 80. My Failing and My Falling Part One - A line from Anders’ story for Nika and a reference to Hawke’s failure to protect his sister.  81. My Failing and My Falling Part Two - Same as above 82. Pain and Bane - Name of the poem Merrill sings. Also an overarching theme of the story 83. Luck of the Dog - Reference to the Dog Lords but also ironic considering Anders is not lucky.  84. Bird's Eye View - Both a reference to Anders’ transformation magic and his perspective on the Circles and how Bethany doesn’t share them 85. Act of Mercy - Name of the quest 86. The Revolutionists - Name of Decimus’s fraternity 87. Burn After Reading - what it says on the tin 88. Not in Hand, Not in Play - A quote from the chapter but also Fenris’ perspective on love and a theme of the story. It is or it isn’t.  89. Enemies Among Us - Name of the quest 90. Save Me - What it says on the tin 91. Benedictions - A Canticle in the Chant of Light that makes Hawke think of Anders 92. What Will The Neighbors Think? - A mini-theme throughout the story regarding Anders (in)ability to be openly in a relationship, be it with Amell, Justice, Hawke, etc.  93. Have Your Pie and Eat it Too - What Anders keeps trying and failing to do 94. Dead Set on Ending Badly - Foreshadowing  95. Where We Stand - Where Hawke and Anders’ relationship stands 96. Hearts of Gold or Near Enough - Meant to apply to all of the main characters 97. Ghilan’him Banal’vhen - The Path that Leads Astray. Foreshadowing. 98. Abstention and Absolution - Meant to be Ironic 99. Until the Last Dog is Hung - What it says on the tin 100. Free To Good Home - References the mages, Dog Lords, and also Anders 101. It Gets Easier - Narrator Voice: It did not get easier. 102. Luxury of Leaning - A reference to Hawke not having the option to pursue men as the scion of a noble house but doing it anyway because fuck you mom. 103. Dissent - Name of the quest 104. Into Madness - Play on words. Descend into Madness / Dissent into Madness 105. Fester - What it says on the tin 106. The First Sacrifice - Name of the quest 107. Once Removed - Play on words. A reference to Amell/Hawke’s Eyes and Quentin being Hawke’s cousin once removed.  108. Not Again - Haha get wrekt  109. All That Remains - Name of the quest 110. The Way Forward - A reference to Fenris’ quote about the stairs being out. Meant to symbolize that there are no other options for Anders, Hawke, and the narrative as a whole. Also, ironically, meant to show that Hawke does not actually move forward.  111. Lyrium and Lies - Foreshadowing 112. Ser Cumference and the Terrible Tower - A children’s tale vibe meant to show the dichotomy of man.  113. The Calm Before - Foreshadowing for the name of the next chapter.  114. The Storm - What was foreshadowed.  115. Long Time No See - A reference to both not seeing Amell for a long time and Amell not being able to see for a long time.  116. To Catch a Thief - Name of the quest 117. To Save a Sinner - Similar naming methodology of the previous chapter meant to show Isabela is more than just a thief.  118. On Deaf Ears - Both Hawke being deaf and Hawke not agreeing with Anders. 119. Hey Sparkles - Meant to give a “It’s gonna be okay dude” vibe.  120. Give Me A Sign - Sign language reference but also a plea for Hawke and Anders’ relationship to get better. 121. We Should Talk - About both Hawke and Amell, but Amell is the only one Anders talks to in this chapter.  122. The Weight of Years - Shit’s heavy 123. How Have You Been? - Asking the dangerous questions again 124. Spin a Story - Varric’s terrible advice to Anders but also Amell’s approach to interacting with Anders after they’ve been apart for so long. 125. Give and Take Part One - Commentary on Anders relationship with both Amell and Hawke.  126. Give and Take Part Two - See above  127. What You Make It - What love is according to Fenris 128. Letters from the Vigil - What it says on the tin 129. Consent is Key - A quote from the chapter and commentary on responsible use of blood magic.  130. What Have You Done Now? - A song. What Have you Done Now by Within Temptation 131. But This is All I Ever Was - A song lyric. Ditmas by Mumford & Sons 132. Wasted Time - Also a song lyric from Ditmas but like accidentally. 

[childofchrist1983]

Paul's letter to the Colossians sheds light on the holy way that he believes a Christian should live.

As "elects of God," followers must "put on...bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering."

It is so much easier to do evil rather than good. Pride is something that we are born with, but we must "put on" humility, learn it and practice it over time.

As elects of God, all followers of the Church must be lowly and compassionate to everyone.

If only it were this easy! I have been guilty of pride more times than I can count, but these times always made me feel worse and more importantly, made others feel worse.

“Surely he scorneth the scorners: but he giveth grace unto the lowly" (Proverbs 3:34).

How do we give grace to the lowly and be meek when we want to be proud? By imitating the Lord.

There is no greater gift from God than that of forgiveness, and there is no greater gift that we can give.

The call to imitate and instructions for action are scattered throughout the Bible, with none more similar than in Ephesians 4:32, "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

We have also heard the instructions to ask for forgiveness and forgive in the Lord's prayer: "And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors" (Matthew 6:12).

I think that a good practice that people do not do enough is trying to "put themselves in another's shoes."

To understand Paul's message in this verse, put yourself in the shoes of the lowest you can imagine. Would you still be prideful? Unforgiving? Impatient? Angry?

Blessed are the meek, and longsuffering is a virtue required of all Christians, important in the time that this verse was written and today.

Go forth and love one another, no matter how high or how low, remembering that there God is far above us and humbles Himself so that we can imitate Him.

Merciful God, forgive me for being prideful, judging others as beneath me when it is I that am beneath you.

I have treated others disrespectfully and in doing so have treated you the same. You have shown me the path, humble and loving Lord, and it is I that chooses whether or not to walk it.

I ask that you grant me the strength to walk it today and all of my days. In Jesus’ name I humbly pray, Amen

[helltalia-inc]

RULES + LIST OF CHALLENGES

RULES 

1. Pick a challenge from the List of Challenges;

2. Create whatever you want, as you want;

3. Use the tag #helltalia-inc and @ with the name of the page;

4. And don’t forget to have fun!

Not that hard, right?

 More info:

· There are no language barriers here, so feel free to use the language that you feel the most comfortable to express yourself;

· Bad behavior will not be tolerated;

· Feel free to use any characters and any ships;

· Take attention to tag your ships, any warming or triggering content;

· And for the last, but not least… support the “CONTENT CREATORS”!

 LIST OF CHALLENGES

(This list will be updated occasionally. Feel free to search for the number of the challenges, for example like #1, or #20, I made sure to tag every work with the number of the challenge. So, if you want to see the works related to each challenge, you just have to search in the page by the number. And, of course, feel free to use the challenges to inspire your future works.)

 1. Favorite Character

2. Egg Themed

3. Books + Favorite Trio

4. Your living country + his national flower

5. Crossing the line with the Star Wars Universe

6. Pajama Party + Female Characters Only

7. Revenge the Hetavision

8. Wedding dress

9. Child’s Day

10. Recycle, Reduce, Reutilize

11. Nordics appreciation challenge

12. LGBT Respect Day

13. “If you meant it, kiss me”

(Just to record it: starting from here, it was added as option, the “challenge quote”) 

14. National Animal + The Country where you live / “No matter where I go, my heart will always be yours”

15. Healthy Food Habits/ “But loving you had consequences”

16. World Day of Friendship/ “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone had good taste.”

17. REVENGE FIFATALIA/ “I’m so sick of lying. I have to tell you…”

18. ROCK IN HETALIA / “the music is the language of feelings”

19. Stuck on a desert island/ “I’m so sorry I kissed you, my mouth just slipped”  

20. ICE CREAM AND WATERMELON/ ”I wouldn’t do that if I were you”  

21. Pirate and Mermaids AU/ “That’s the summer when we first met”  

22. Aquarium park / “It is easier to pretend we are strong; it is much harder to admit we are weak; a true friend, by loving every part of us, teaches us to love our weaknesses”

23. Crossover with one of your favorite movies / “The two of us, we’re the best kind of disaster. Apples and oranges. Well, more like apples and machetes.”

24. Alice in the Wonderland AU / “I really did think you were cute when you were jealous.”

25. Improvised Olympic Games out of Season/ “I’d find you whenever you were.”

26. Ancients Countries Appreciation Challenge / “Chaos isn’t meant to be understood”

27. University AU / “Never say “Goodbye””

28. Color’ (or body or personality) swap / “Puns are the highest form of literature.”

29. Crossover with Sesame Street or The Muppets / “I’ve missed you. But it seems like you’re not happy to see me.”

30. Alter Ego AU / “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have even come here tonight.”

31. Your favorite writer + his respective nation / “I wanted to end the world, but I’ll settle for ending yours.”

32. Candle in the dark / “I’m pregnant”

33. Orchestra AU / “You can run, but you can’t escape”

34. Trapped in a maze / “Can you keep a secret?”

35. Wingtalia / “Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off”

36. Space, stars, moon / “You’re better than you think.”

37. Villain AU / “I don’t want to sleep alone today. Will you sleep with me?”

38. African nations / “You promised that we would always be together… now, how I’m supposed to live without you?”

39. Love potion / "We didn't realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun"

40. Treasure hunt / “The only thing you’re good at is fake crying”

41. Asian nations / “You can see me?”

42. National desert / “Nice try. Better luck next time”

43. Death note AU / “How long will you keep me waiting?”

44. Kabedon / “What is your problem?”  

45. Siblings / “Don’t just say nice things, give me advice.”

46. The 7 deadly sins / “Take that stupid grin off your face”

47. Reincarnation AU / “We have only one chance at life. And I want to live a life with no regrets.”

48. Autumn / “You said I could do whatever I wanted.”

49. Red apple / “I want to crush anyone who dares to touch you. I want to hide you, monopolize you.”

50. Hot chocolate / “It’s too late now.”

51. Tarot Cards / “Take your hands off of me.”

52. Summon Demons /”Have I done something wrong?”

53. Ouija / “That’s the one thing I regret the most in my life.”

54. Underworld / “If you want, we could swap secrets.”

55. Supernatural creatures / “Close your eyes and listen carefully.”

56. Hunter / “Even though it isn’t a big deal now, it will be later.”

57. Shadow / “You helped me become who I am.”

58. Bloody sunset / “If you took well care of it from the beginning, then none of this would’ve happened.”

59. Ghost mansion / ”What the hell do you want from me?”

60. Mysterious box / “It’s not extreme, it’s the most effective way.”

61. Scream / “What makes you think I’ve changed?”

62. Evil laugh / “I thought I knew you better than this...”

63. Superstition / “There are times when it’s dangerous to approach something or someone when you don’t have sufficient knowledge about them.”

64. Roses / ”My understanding is that faith is something that one builds up through actions.”

65. Destiny / “I don’t want to live like that.”

66. Coincidence / “Growth always follows hardship.”

67. Broken heart / “They want me to find happiness more than anyone else.”

68. The wedding day / “You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

69. Slow dance / “It’s better to spend the rest of my lifetime alone, than being stupid and crying over someone who broke my trust.”

70. By my side / “Time flew by.”

71. Holding hands / “I gave you a chance to pretend that nothing happened.”

72. Friendzone / “I won’t run away this time.”

72. Rejection / “Sorry, I let my emotions get the best of me.”

73. Forever alone / “If they’re your friends, they’ll understand and be happy for you. Just like how you were for them.”

74. BDSM / “Whatever you choose, I’ll respect your decision.”

75. Dirty talking / “You’re just taking advantage of the people around you.”

76. Love letter / “Money and Status... you’re nothing without those things.”

77. First love / “Seeing you happy means the world to me.”

78. First time / “Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest, it’s about who came and never left.”

79. Crush / “I’m in a threesome with anxiety and depression.”

80. Decorations / “Just fantasizing about it isn’t enough for me.”

81. Presents / “You just have to work hard to turn it into a reality.”

82. Traditions / “Anger cannot be dishonest.”

83. Family Dinner / “Relationships are like glass, sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than trying to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

84. Friends / “I’m glad I at least left an impression on you. Though apparently, it’s a negative one.”

85. Figure skating / “The mirror is my best friend because when I cry it doesn’t laugh.”

86. Snowboard / “The saddest people have the brightest smile.”

87. Ski / “I don’t think we wasted a single second.”

88. Hockey / “I wish I knew I was in the good old days before they became the good old days.”

89. Snow globe / “Those who are already dead don’t care about those who are still alive.”

90. Acts of kindness / “People only listen and believe in what they think is entertaining.”

91. Aurora Borealis / “If this is for the best.”

92. Church bell / “The more envy you show, the worse you look.”

93. The little match girl / “Whatever you do, I’ll never be disappointed in you.”

94. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star / “When people brag so openly about their past, if often means, that they have nothing to brag about now.”

95. Heart made of ice / “You should be ashamed of yourself.”

96. Message on a bottle / “I never truly fell in love with anyone.”

97. Bubbles / “This is all very suspicious... extremely suspicious.”

98. End of the world / “I was afraid kindness would make me weak.”

99. Halloween dolls / “No hard feelings but I hate you.”

100. Redemption / “I should apologize for this. But I won’t.”

101. Femme fatale / “Do you think you can handle it?”

102. (more challenges will be added eventually. If you want, send your challenge’ suggestions to the Ask Box)

 Note: Most of the quotes aren’t mine and have no source.

[crqstalite]

over our horizon.

said unsent message from kodelyn, late 2185 and because i’m still raw from horizon all over again (and maybe it’s the middle of the night -- decisions got made ok). do i have any grasp on dates concerning the trilogy? absolutely not, i fashion them to how i require them. if they’re off, they’re off.

(oh and both that this is definitely how i write emails + i cried. again. bleh.)

major character death referenced (shepard).

-

Subject: [untitled]

Last edited: 23:34, December 3rd, 2185

Dear Kaidan,

<line erase>

Hey Kaidan,

<line erase>

Kaidan,

If you’ve received this, then that means we’re going through with what we’ve deemed the suicide mission. Complete with the Omega-4 relay and whatever’s on the other end of it. Hopefully we kill of the collectors and send whatever plan that Harbinger has straight to hell alongside him. Either way, that means we might not be coming back, and leaving this unsaid would probably be my dying regret if I don’t come back.

After Horizon, I had a lot of time to think. About the state of the galaxy, about the Alliance, about Cerberus, about us. Still bugs me the way we left things on Horizon, if I had more time or 

<partial line erase>

Maybe if I hadn’t gone in with the mindset that it’d hadn’t only been months since I’d seen you last, things would’ve gone differently. Or maybe not. I doubt in any situation I would’ve been able to pull you from the Alliance, but in the same vein, I doubt I would’ve walked away from Cerberus just like that. At that point, the Illusive Man still had me convinced we were doing the right thing. Should’ve believed you, should’ve believed everyone else who told me they shouldn’t be trusted. They -- you were right, by the way. You had the last laugh in that case.

<line erase>

<undo>

You know, I never quite came to terms with my...death of sorts. I doubt I ever will, really. Cerberus stole two years of my life from me, ripped me away from an easy death for their own gain. I’ll never get my life back, I know that. And yet, here I am. Facing it again. At least this time, I have the chance to say goodbye.

I’m sorry I left you behind. Without anything more than an empty grave and empty promises for a future together. Then having to find me all over again after you’d already moved on. Jeez, what an ass I am, huh?

<line erase>

If I’m entirely honest, I don’t know how I expected Horizon to go. I was so hopeful, bludgeoning my way through that entire situation without even a second thought. The Illusive Man said your name and I immediately wanted to go find you, damn I should’ve known he’d use you to get to me but you’re the only thing that mattered then

<line erase>

I don’t know what we had. I cared for you, hell I wore my heart on my sleeve and didn’t expect to get hurt. I’d never quite had the same feelings for anyone, not like that. Not in the way that made me feel like I could take on the galaxy with you by my side. I still remember that night before Ilos, whatever Cerberus did to me, they couldn’t make me forget that. They couldn’t make me forget you. You meant a lot to me, and Horizon really shattered that fantasy that I’d be able to go back to my old life. Maybe I’d gotten the Normandy back in a way, maybe I got Joker, Garrus and Tali back. It...isn’t the same. 

You’re right, things have changed. I don’t expect you to still feel the same way you did two years ago.

Being resurrected gave me a new lease on life, but it didn’t replace what I had. Sometimes it’s easier not to think about it. Not to think about everything I lost over Alchera, and instead look towards a bleak future that might get me killed in the end.

Kaidan, I love you. A part of me thinks and prays that’ll never change. Yet, I don’t want to act on something that’ll only make this harder for the both of us

<line erase>

Maybe this is goodbye. If it is, if I never see you again, I want you to know I couldn’t have asked for a better friend -- a better...almost. An almost something, if we’d just had more time. Just a little more time to take that step, and make it real. But flimsy wishes won’t do that, I know. You’ve got a new life, and I don’t want this or me to make you hang onto what happened years ago. The Kaidan I knew would keep moving forward and get the job done. That’s all I can really ask.

If this isn’t goodbye then

<line erase>

You’re still everything to me. Nothing will change that, I promise. And if I come back, if we can ever repair this, then know I love you. I love you more than you know, and I’d fight like hell to get back to you.

<line erase>

Just...please be careful. Whatever you do, stay alive.

See you starside,

Kodee

-

The letters blink back at her, the send button nearly taunting her even with all of her corrections. A part of her wants to send it, really does. And yet she hesitates either way, what if this was unwarranted? After Horizon, she couldn’t really gauge whether or not he even wanted to hear from her again, and his message a week later only muddled that.

These last few hours before they hit the relay had made her think. Think about everything she was leaving behind again if she did die. She didn’t fear it as much as she had before Ilos. And yet, she had just as much if not more to lose this time.

The shift of her hand on her desk makes the photo flicker back on. Amber orbs bore into her soul as she stares at it, the picture’s graphics slightly degraded, but enough that it sends a rush of sadness through her. Yearning tugs at her heartstrings as her chest grows heavy, swallowing thickly. Kodee still wonders who found it for her, who even placed it here. Yet, she rubs a thumb over it, vision blurring before dropping her head into her hands.

She never hits send.

[digilearningbox]

Discover the Scientifically Proven Solution That Gets Your Baby to Sleep like Clockwork

Scientifically Proven Method to Get Your Baby to Sleep

Mary-Ann Schuler is a child psychologist and parenting expert with over 20 years of experience

She and her program Baby Sleep Miracle have been featured in publications such as “Parenting Magazine”, “Easy Parenting”, “Parents” and many more

Her posts on social media reach over 750,000 parents every month and she speaks on several conferences every year

Hi, my name is Mary-Ann Schuler

And the next few minutes can literally save your sanity and maybe even your child’s life

Because not only will I show you a scientifically proven way to have your child enjoy restful sleep…

I will also reveal why standard advice, like Ferberizing or co-sleeping , can cause long-lasting damage to your child’s nervous system

Damage that makes him more susceptible to anxiety disorders and even panic attacks later in life

The information I’m sharing here with you is entirely based on ground-breaking research done by Harvard Medical School and the Stanford Center For Sleep Science and Medicine, along with my over 20 years of experience as a child psychologist

But most importantly I am a mother just like you. And in this letter I want to tell you how the fitful sleep of my 3 year old sweetheart, Louis, led me to a discovery that has already helped more than 17,643 parents to finally enjoy the restful sleep they have been craving,

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Now don’t worry: Reading this letter won’t cost you a cent. Even though I’m giving away so much free, yet hard-to-find information, I’ve been told I should charge for it

So keep reading it to the end now while it’s still online and still free

Because the tips it contains will regulate your child’s sleeping patterns the holistic way

I’m sure you’ve already tried other methods so you know: Many of them are not just ineffective, but downright dangerous

And why would your risk your little one’s health when you can soon enjoy a happier, more-relaxed and easier-to-parent child who looks forward to his bed time just as much as you do

Fact is, falling asleep is a habit and all kids can learn it, no matter their age

I know it’s hard to believe and I would have been the first to doubt it, just one year back

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Samantha Higgins · Oakland, FL Thank you so much for this video! I had no idea about the dangers of baby swings :O Like · Reply · 27· Sep 14, 2021 4:14 Regina Willburth · Worcester, UK Hi Mary-Ann. I have a question: Is method in any way similar to the ones recommended by Dr Bucknam, Dr. Weissbluth or Dr. Karp? We tried those but none of them help. Like · Reply · 18· Sep 13, 2021 0:10 Mary-Ann Schuler · BabySleepMiracle.com Hi Regina, thank you for your question. The short answer is no. The techniques I share in my guide are based on newest scientific research and this is why I have never seen any approach similar to the one I recommend. Like · Reply · 15· Sep 13, 2021 0:36 Mirella Cruz · El Paso, TX This method really works! I tried it on my son Jesus and after just one week he went from waking up more than 5 times a night to waking up just once or twice. You are a lifesaver, Mary-Ann! Like · Reply · 5· Sep 12, 2021 18:04 Judy Lee · Fremont, CA I'm truly impressed with how much information you share in your video. And all for free! I can feel that you truly care about mothers like myself, and that's hard to find these days. I have recommended your site to several of my friends already. Like · Reply · 13· Sep 12, 2021 10:33 Chloe Jackson · Lansing, MI Mary-Ann, our child suffers from autism. Is your approach still suited? Like · Reply · 16· Sep 11, 2021 14:18 Mary-Ann Schuler · BabySleepMiracle.com Chloe, I made sure my method can be used with any child, even babies who are special like yours. Please note that I'm not a doctor and that I always advice to consult with your physician because nothing is more important than the safety and well-being of your love. Like · Reply · 21· Sep 11, 2021 17:34

[xxbluestrifexx]

Scripted - Choi Chanhee

Summary: Chanhee and Y/N never expected their soulmates to be foreigners, but neither of them were against the idea. It would open a window of opportunity for adventures that they couldn’t dream of as teenagers. 

Characters: choi chanhee (new) x reader

Genre/Warnings: soulmate au, college au, foreigner au, fluff, angst if you squint

Words: 2.4k

Additional: Bold words are spoken in Korean

---

    Chanhee was peeved. The elegant script on his wrist didn't remotely resemble the harsh lines of Korean characters, rather the curly and exaggerated letters of the English language. How could fate be so cruel, to match two people who may not ever meet? It was a tragedy. But what really made him upset was that he couldn’t even read his soulmate’s name.

On the other hand, Y/N was very excited when the ink appeared on her wrist. All of her friends were complaining about how basic and common the names of their soulmates were, narrowing their chances of finding the right person. But not this young girl, no, her soulmate wasn’t a James or a William. He was exotic, someone who’s name that she’d have to study to be able to learn; and she loved the challenge. 

Chanhee’s soulmate’s name had made itself known when he’d turned sixteen, almost dead center of his high school career. At this point, he’d completed his required language credits with two semesters of Japanese, and it seemed that he’d have to sacrifice his extra choir classes for English ones. It’s not that Chanhee was off-put by the fact his soulmate was different, he was actually quite excited. He just believed that the romance may have been doomed before it had even begun because of the distance. There were too many ‘what if’s’ to factor in, and it made Chanhee’s heart hurt when he thought about it too much. All of the heartache was left behind when Chanhee was first able to utter the name on his wrist. 

Y/N L/N....

Y/N’s wrist had also been inked when she’d turned sixteen. Unlike the sprawling cursive that she’d seen adorn the wrists of her friends and family, Y/N’s wrist was characterized with dark lines and odd symbols that she couldn’t decipher. It was puzzling to say the least, but the scowl had quickly turned into a smile. Unlike Chanhee, she hadn’t fulfilled any language credits, leaving the challenge of learning Korean right open. It took her awhile to figure out that the language was indeed Korean, believing it to be Chinese first. But eventually the symbols matched to letters and the words all fell into place…

Choi Chanhee…

Both people were giddy with excitement, continuously mouthing the name of their soulmate over and over, ingraining it to memory. They threw themselves into studying the other’s language, losing sleep some nights just to perfect simple sentences. By the time Chanhee had graduated high school, there wasn’t a doubt in his mind about attending an English university. He applied all over the world, applications being sent out to America, Great Britain and even places in Asia that had good exchange student programs if going abroad failed. 

Unfortunately, Y/N had the same idea. She applied to every major university in South Korea, hoping to god she’d get in. She had other colleges in mind too; ones with good Korean History majors with exchange programs. The pair got their acceptance letters on the same day, shock written all over their faces. Out of every university, they each only got accepted to one choice; it had to have been fate.

Chanhee spent the summer studying English for his first semester at NYU, anxiously trying to master as much as the foreign language as he could. Y/N took summer classes at UCLA to brush up on her Korean, the acceptance letter to Seoul National University tacked to her cork board the moment it had come in. Both were anxious, hoping and praying that fate would give them a chance. To Y/N and Chanhee, the single acceptance letters meant a meeting, a one out of a hundred chances that they could be together. 

Chanhee’s bags were packed and loaded into his family’s car by 7:30 am that August day, his flight leaving at approximately 8:45 and headed to New York. The time difference was messing with Chanhee’s brain the deeper he thought about it; He would technically land at 10 am on August 7th, the same day he departed his home in South Korea, but yet almost fourteen hours ahead. Regardless, Chanhee found himself settled into a less than comfortable economy class seat on a plane that would hopefully take him to his soulmate. 

Y/N didn’t get any sleep on August 6th; there was honestly no point. She would have to leave her childhood home shortly after midnight to catch her 1:30 am flight to New York. There wasn’t a huge difference between Los Angeles and New York, her flight putting her in the state a little after 10 am. The flight wasn’t long, around five hours if she was lucky. The flight to South Korea that would follow would be hell; she didn’t know how on earth she’d be able to stand a fourteen hour flight. She’d have to count on lots of sleep. 

--- Y/N’s POV - 10:34 am ---

    JFK International Airport was just as big and noisy as I’d expected it to be. Too bad I had a headache and couldn’t appreciate the full beauty of New York City. Every corner I turned had people from different parts of the globe at it, their native languages adding to the endless chatter that bounced off the walls of the airport. I got to baggage claim a little bit after 10:30, spotting my mustard yellow suitcase from a mile away. My smaller plastic case covered in stickers ordered off of Amazon conveniently laid next to it. After successfully attaching the small box to my suitcase, I took off towards the shuttles, catching one before it had shut its doors. 

I took a seat and pulled up a map on my phone, trying to figure out where the seating area and terminal were for my next flight to South Korea. Sighing to myself when I saw they were on the opposite side of the airport, I shut my phone off and closed my eyes. So much for the idea of stopping for breakfast.

--- Chanhee’s POV - 10:42 ---

    Baggage claim had been a nightmare. I’d frozen at the sheer amount of English that I hadn’t heard which area his suitcase would be dropped off at. A business-looking woman had kindly told me in broken Korean as we exited the terminal. I thanked her profusely before running off in the opposite direction, following the many arrows and signs meant to direct me towards the baggage claim. In the end I found it with just enough time to claim my silver suitcase before it disappeared through the chute. I sighed with relief, the voice in my head had been dreading having to go to a help desk and attempt to explain the situation. 

The shuttle was practically empty of people heading to the main building of JFK International Airport. It was easier on me this way, I could read everything and fully absorb information without crowds of people getting in the way. As I exited the shuttle, luggage dragging across the ground behind me, my neck tingled slightly. It was like a breeze had come through and raised the hairs on the back of my neck. I couldn’t describe the feeling, it was overwhelming yet not in so many different ways. Unfortunately the moment was ruined by the ringing of my cell phone. I sighed and unlocked it, answering the call and putting the phone to my ear. 

--- Y/N’s POV - 10:49 am ---

    I ambled around the main expanse of the airport, looking for my terminal and any fast-food restaurant that could fulfill my stomach without making me miss my flight. I’d already passed through airport security, the process much quicker here than back home in LAX. I scanned the faces of so many people, trying to find one that looked friendly enough to go up to. If I could just find someone who might know where the Asian airlines were, I could save myself a trip to an Airport Help Desk that could take more time than I was willing to sacrifice. 

As I strutted along I caught the ending of a conversation in Korean. I listened for a moment to confirm I was indeed comprehending the language and turned to pinpoint the source of the conversation. About ten feet away stood a guy; He was taller than me, with a skinny and lanky body and thick brown hair that resembled a mullet if you squinted. He was speaking rapid Korean into his phone, pushing hair out of his face, his soulmate tattoo peeking out from under his sleeves. 

In a moment of desperation, I made my way over to him, hoping that he had indeed just come from Korea and would know which shuttle I could take to find my terminal. It really did seem silly, fully aware that I was choosing a person who’s language I was still learning over any other passerby who could comprehend my native tongue. But something in the back of my mind was urging me to go to him, to speak to him. I reached him just as he had seemingly hung up on the phone, his hand tucking the device back into his pocket.

“Excuse me, could you tell me where terminal T18 is?”

I spoke slowly, hoping that I’d gotten every pronunciation and word correct. He stared at me in stunned silence, his mouth gaped open. After a long pause, he regained his consciousness and responded in Korean.

“Maybe- try taking that shuttle over there. I’m pretty sure T18 was near where I came from.”

--- Third POV - 10:50 ---

   Chanhee honestly couldn’t believe that his first interaction in America would be in Korean. He was so ready to speak English, pushing all the doubts of his pronunciation and accent down. But here he was, speaking in his sharp Korean to a complete stranger, a foreigner no less. Though, he supposed, he was the foreigner now. 

The girl bowed briefly and thanked him, turned to re-grab her loaded down suitcase and head to the shuttle loading area. She was beautiful, Chanhee thought. Her piercing (e/c) eyes and her expertly tied up (h/c) hair. The light makeup she wore suited her, and the form-fitting leggings accented the muscles in her thighs and calves well. He didn’t mean to shamelessly check her out, but it was hard not to appreciate true beauty when he saw it.

In the split second the girl went to walk away his hand shot out and grabbed her forearm. Both of them were shocked to say the least; Chanhee’s thoughts were very muddled when he met her eyes. Just as she was about to speak, Chanhee beat her to it in his best English.

“Where are you going?”

The girl seemed puzzled, and looked down at the grip he had on her arm. Chanhee immediately released her and stepped back, allowing the girl to take him in fully as well. 

Y/N was shocked when she felt the hand stop her from advancing forward, and even more shocked when the stranger asked her a basic question in heavily accented English. She was torn between talking to the very handsome stranger and getting to the terminal early. She examined the time on her watch, the digital face telling her it was 11 am before meeting the eyes of the man and responding.

“I’m going to South Korea, I’m attending college in Seoul.”

Chanhee seemed surprised by the answer, though he didn’t know what he was expecting coming from someone he happened to stumble across in the airport. He supposed that this meeting was a chance, a Korean-speaking American stopping and asking an English-speaking Korean for directions to her terminal. They thought made him pause then smile, wondering if this had been fate.

“What’s your name?” Chanhee asked quietly, the ghost of a smile on his lips and hope in his eyes.

“Y/N.” She responded, turning towards Chanhee questioningly, still not catching on to what was happening. “What’s yours? What brings you to New York?”

Happiness. Joy. Excitement. These were all the emotions coursing through Chanhee. Y/N, a face to the words scrawled on his wrist. There was no doubt in his mind that this was his soulmate; that this was his home. 

“My name is Chanhee, nice to meet you! I’m in America for college as well.”

The look of shock that crossed your face when you processed his words would stay in his mind forever. The way Y/N’s eyes sparkled with tears, and the way her lips curved upwards into a brilliant smile. The airport seemed to quiet around them, as if time was frozen in this moment just for them.

Y/N was shocked; She didn’t think that this chance meeting would be the one to bring her and her soulmate together. She thought that meeting Chanhee would have occurred in a class or perhaps at a small coffee house near campus. Never in a million years was Y/N prepared to bump into Chanhee at JFK International Airport the day before she would start a new life in South Korea dedicated to finding him. 

The pair smiled at each other, taking in the sight before Y/N unexpectedly threw her arms around Chanhee, pulling him into a tight hug. After a moment of processing, Chanhee wrapped his arms around Y/N’s waist and laid his chin on her head, laughing at the gesture. They pulled back and stared into each other’s eyes just as reality cut back in.

“11:30 am flight to Seoul, South Korea at T18 is boarding, repeat, flight to Seoul at T18 is boarding now!”

Chanhee’s mind was frantic, whipping his head back down to search Y/N’s face. Surely she wouldn’t leave him this quickly after meeting? Then the thought occurred to him, that she would have to leave eventually. Her tuition and expenses must have already been paid for the year in Seoul, not to mention the plane ticket fee that would go to waste if she didn’t leave right this moment. His face grew somber, laying a hand on Y/N’s shoulder who seemed to be deep in thought.

“What are you all sad about? Did someone die?”

“You need to go, your flight is boarding...”

Y/N smiled, resting her own hand on top of Chanhee’s, “I’m not going anywhere for quite some time Chanhee.”

fin.

[purplesurveys]

1090

survey by --ranboweyes--

1.] What age is your youngest aunt? I have a relative who’s technically my aunt since she’s a cousin of my mom, but she’s like 3 years younger which makes her 18-19ish, I think. 

2.] Do you miss someone right now? The only thing I’m missing is the weekend which is quickly ending lol.

3.] What can you see to the Northwest to you? I can see our living room couch.

4.] Do you like bowling? I love bowling. I wish I could do it all the time, only if a session wasn’t so expensive.

5.] Can you pronounce Italian words? I mean I can try saying the words but I know I’m definitely not pronouncing them in the native accent. @justsurveys​ definitely can though, heh.

6.] Do you prefer black or beige colored jackets? I have more black ones, but I’m not opposed to trying out beige.

7.] Do you own a hoodie? Yes, I’m wearing one right now because it’s pretty chilly tonight.

8.] Do you like roasting marshmallows on a bonfire? I’ve only done this once, which was in like Grade 3 when we had an overnight thingy in school and our teacher planned a bonfire for us. But I’m not a fan of marshmallows at all so the answer to this is no.

9.] Do you like cheesy puffs? No. I prefer other snacks.

10.] What's your name without vowels? Rbyn or Rbn, if we’re counting out the letter y.

11.] How many layers of clothing are you wearing? Just two, which is always the case if I do have to wear more than one layer; I have a shirt under my zipped-up hoodie. I’ve only ever had to wear multiple layers once; it was when we were in Sagada and I had to wear 4 or 5 layers if I didn’t want to shiver to death.

12.] When was the last time you got a takeaway? What did you have? I usually dine in the restaurant altogether or go to the drive-thru, but never takeout. Today, though, I did order a chicken barbecue at Starbucks originally meant to be for dine-in; but I got sad in the middle of my time there so I only had a few bites and brought the rest home. Which I guess technically counts as takeout.

13.] If you could climb any mountain or range which would you chose? Mount Pulag because I’ve heard so much about it and it’d be nice to experience it for myself.

14.] Do you alphabetically arrange anything in your room? What? Nope.

15.] Have you ever visited fat-pie.com? No.

16.] Do you prefer sweet or sour fruits? Sweet.

17.] Do you like Flo Rida? Which song of his? I mean, not really. There are a few songs he’s featured in that I find catchy, like Right Round, but I don’t like like them.

18.] How's your dancing skills? There aren’t any to speak of. 

19.] What is your favorite number? I don’t have any. The idea of favorite numbers personally never made sense to me, but I do recognize that they can mean a lot to some people.

20.] Describe your best friend to me? She’s incredibly smart and creative, very motherly and responsible, and always knows the right questions to ask when her friends are troubled and what advice to give.

21.] What is your favorite alcoholic drink? Peach soju, Long Island Iced Tea, Zombie, and tequila are some of my favorites. I’m generally a fan of cocktails though, and I love it whenever bars have their own lineup because it lets me see how creative they get and because it also allows me to try their own spin on mixed drinks.

22.] Do you do any sports or have you done any sport professionally? I play table tennis, but I never played professionally or had formal training. It was a club I joined in middle school just because Angela dragged me but I ended up enjoying it, so I played and played until I unconsciously got better.

23.] What is your ringtone? Just the default Apple ringtones; I never changed them.

24.] Do you like chili flavored chips/crisps? Sure! Chili peanuts are great, too.

25.] Do you curl or straighten your hair? I don’t do either with my hair unless I’m headed to a special/fancy occasion.

26.] What's the nicest smell of shampoo? We used to have this brand that housed black shampoo and it smelled super elegant and nice, but I have no idea how to describe the scent.

27.] What smell turns you on? How about turns you off? It’s generally a turn-on when people make an effort to smell nice, e.g. applying perfume several times a day. BO and the smell of the sun are my main turn-offs.

28.] Whose your favorite comedian? I’ve only been able to watch a couple of her skits but Sindhu Vee is pretty high up on my list. I’m not really too big on comedians, though.

29.] RnB or Reggae? R&B, by a mile.

30.] What brand of batteries do you usually get? I/We haven’t had to use batteries in such a long time.

31.] Are any of your friends pregnant or have kids? A good number of people from my high school now have kids, but I don’t consider any of them friends.

32.] What is in your medicine cabinet? We don’t have one since no one in the family needs to regularly take meds. We do have a jar in the kitchen for multivitamins that my parents take every night.

33.] What's your favorite aspect of the natural world? The ocean. < I’d say so too. Mountain ranges are also beautiful.

34.] What's your favorite man made thing? Probs the internet.

35.] Can you whistle properly? Yasss.

36.] What song do you think is the most widely heard in the world? Happy Birthday or some Christmas jingle.

37.] Where's the strangest place a fast food restaurant was located? I mean...I think fast food restaurants are ubiquitous by nature, so I’ve never seen one and went, “That’s not supposed to be there,” lol. Whenever I spot a fast food restaurant, I’m usually able to make out the reasoning behind positioning it wherever it happens to be.

38.] What countries surround your country? Or are you not land locked? We’re an archipelago, so. Not land-locked. But the nearest countries are Malaysia, Vietnam, Taiwan, and Indonesia.

39.] Do you own binoculars or nonoculars? What do you use them for? I don’t own either.

40.] Do you ever wish you had a telescope on the roof or attic to stargaze? I have always wanted one, yeah. I’ve always dreamed of placing it in my future living room, though.

41.] What's your favorite chocolate bar? Not a bar, but I like Reese’s peanut butter cups the most.

42.] Do you fall asleep easy in cars? How about planes, trains and boats? Unless I am extremely tired, it’s usually hard for me to fall asleep while in transport.

43.] Would you rather live a year of your life in every major country or stay in the same place you live forever without vacations? The latter sounds like an unfulfilling life to me, to be honest. Like I can’t even take vacations??? As much as I like routine, I do enjoy a bit of spontaneity and I think moving to a new country every year can do that for me.

44.] What will you not tolerate in a person? Someone who will make you feel stupid for asking a question. Also those who always have something mean to say about everyone.

45.] Do you forgive others easier or yourself? Why is this? Forgiving isn’t really in my vocabulary to be honest. Hahaha. I’ve always been more at peace this way.

46.] How was God made, if he exists? Key word here is if, so I’m skipping this question because it’s irrelevant to me.

47.] Have you ever done aqua aerobics or polo? Yeah we had to do a bit of water polo in swimming classes in high school.

48.] What age were you when you learned how to swim? I guess around 2? I have baby photos from when I was that age wherein I was having fun in our old inflatable pool. Swimming came naturally to me and I don’t think I ever had trouble with the water.

49.] What shows or characters scared you as a child? You know how older cartoons only featured the legs of some characters, like the housemaid in Tom & Jerry or the lady from Powerpuff Girls? The uncertainty of those characters always made me feel unsettled as a kid.

50.] Do you stay up all night on New Years Eve/Day or go to bed after 12am? I always go to bed well after 12 AM since my family usually holds a get-together for it.

51.] What's currently in your fridge? Some leftovers, some vegetables, essentials like bread and eggs, some condiments that need to be kept refrigerated.

52.] How about your freezer? Frozen goods like hotdogs and ham.

53.] What could you be doing now that is more productive? I should be working out but I’m skipping it for tonight because I hate Sundays, and I don’t want to make myself more tired than I already am.

54.] Give me some lyrics from the song that's stuck in your head? “Red lights, stop signs, I still see your face in the white cars, front yards...”

55.] What's your favorite type of firework? The grander the design the better for me, tbh.

[bottleofspilledink]

God's Watching, Put on a Show || Chapter II

It's been a day since the oven mitts were lent to her.

Eve hadn't been able to return the them, too shy to ask around for it's owner.

Once class was finished, she washed it in her kitchen sink. Half a pack of lavender detergent wasn't enough to get rid of the burnt smell that lingered on the cloth, but she had done her best.

While she chipped the hardened batter off of the soft cloth, her hand sometimes stopped to caress the tag, tracing over the small, slightly slopping lettering. She'd only realize she had stopped scrubbing them when her bunny slippers were damp with water from the still running tap, the soapy liquid spilling over the sink and in between the wooden floorboards.

Even when the oven mitts were tucked away in her nightstand, her mind would wander to thoughts of it's owner, her warm hands, her fiery hair, and her plump, pink lips.

But that was a problem for the Eve of tomorrow to deal with.

...

It's been two days since the oven mitts were lent to her.

They've sat in the front pocket of her backpack since the moment Eve deemed them dry enough, squashed against her pencil case that was filled to a near burst.

She put them in with her books after an hour, not wanting to return it smelling like pencil shavings.

For the rest of the day, her mind was bombarded with images of the smile she would receive upon returning them.

That is, of course, if she could even bring herself to do so.

...

It's been three days since the oven mitts were lent to her.

Eve thought about leaving it in the lost and found but ultimately decided against it, seeing as it wasn't lost, nor was it found.

It sat heavy in her deep skirt pocket while she ate her lunch, plush compared to the hard bench pressing at her thighs, hyperaware of its presence.

Her chicken pot pie was cold in the center and she immediately recoiled when it met her lips.

"Is the pie chilly?" Elizabeth asked, looking up from her plate.

Lilith's smile flashed through her head, the epitome of stunning.

In the past few days, the word chilly had been linked to Lilith and Lilith only. This was going to be a problem as the wind began to blow and all Eve heard in the hall was the sound of her voice, gentle but teasing.

"The center is."

Elizabeth laughed at this, a quick, cute snort through her nose. "I bet you half my cake slice that the freshmen were on lunch duty today."

Gambling, no matter how small, was against the rules. It said so in big, bold letters on page 37 of the student handbook.

They had to have fun somehow though, so this was often overlooked in favor of small and quite harmless bets.

"I bet you my juice that it was the sophomores that skipped home economics last year."

"You're on!"

They ate what parts of the food they could stomach, waiting for their other friend to join them from the line.

"Hey." Mary slid her tray next to Eve's and sat down, slicing the crusts off her tuna sandwich with the dull, school issue knives.

"What year's on kitchen duty?" Elizabeth asked, always straight to the point.

"The people who got in trouble for the fire." She bit into her sandwich. "A senior class."

"Okay then, so it's a draw."

"What's a draw?"

"We made a bet on what year made the meals because the center's cold," Eve explained.

"Wait a minute, this means they caught who started the fire, right?" Elizabeth perked up immediately at the thought of gossip. The fire was all anyone could talk about these past few days.

"Please, please, please, tell me who it was!"

"Not really..."

"No way! If they didn't catch anyone, then who's on kitchen duty?"

"According to the file, everyone who put something in the oven was held accountable because they weren't able to get a confession."

"Gimme the list of suspects," Elizabeth whispered. Mary was head of the student council and knew everything that was worthy of an official report.

"There's only five of them. Joan Amiel, Eliza Job, Paula Matthews, Gabrielle Davidson, and... Lily? Wait, that's not it," She rested her head in her hand, immaculate brows furrowing.

Makeup was also not allowed, as stated in page 34 of the same handbook. But practically all the students knew that if you were able to make it look natural enough, you'd get away with it.

"It's on the tip of my tongue, I just can't- oh! And Lilith Damien." She took a bite of her sandwich, shaking her head all the while. "Honestly, how could I forget her? She causes half the problems around here."

Eve's head shot up but she hurriedly ducked down again, hoping her friends wouldn't notice her rather dramatic movement.

"You know her, Eve?" Their eyes bore into her skeptically, far too accustomed to her demure, blink-and-you-miss-it, reactions.

"Not exactly?" She brushed her golden hair back, playing with the ends as she avoided their gaze. From what she had just heard, knowing Lilith was not the best thing.

"We ran in to each other in the courtyard when the fire alarms went off. I doubt she even remembers me." She decided not to tell them about the things that had happened, the oven mitts in her pocket, or how soft her hand was.

"That's a good thing, too! Lord knows what kind of trouble you would have gotten into, hanging around with her sort," Mary said, adamant.

Eve couldn't help but wonder if her days of snooping through the school records had let her feel like she truly knew people. Though, she knew better than to say anything, merely nodding along and sipping her juice.

The rest of lunch continued like this for her, passively humming and nodding as her only response. As silent as she was, however, her mind was buzzing with thoughts and possibilities, some more welcome than others.

By the end of the hour, Eve had a plan.

She would knock on the kitchen entrance, oven mitts already in hand. (She didn't want to waste Lilith's time.)

After handing them over, she'd apologize for taking so long, and maybe, just maybe, she'd tell her she washed them for her.

Just so she wouldn't appear to have kept them for no reason.

The conversation went on without her, the other two saying goodbye before heading to the one class they had together, not bothering to wait for Eve since they knew her free period was next.

The blonde patted her pocket one last time to make sure the oven mitts hadn't somehow disappeared and shrugged her bag on when she felt it's now familiar plush against her.

Her plan, Eve quickly realized, was easier thought out than done. Her fingers curled into a loose fist that hovered nervously over the kitchen's backdoor.

She knew what she wanted to say. Well, she thought she did anyway. The real problem for her now was how she was going to say it.

So there she was, pacing by the garbage cans and muttering incoherently to herself, trying to find the right words to sound grateful for being lent the gloves, which she was, but not creepy or annoying, which she thought she was.

This went on for quite some time, Eve completely unaware of her surroundings til she was snapped back to reality by a loud, familiar laugh.

"Eve! We meet again!" The girl said, somehow giddy and suave at the same time despite barely being able to get her words out through her giggling.

"Hi!" Eve squeaked, clinging to the cloth tighter than she had been.

Her obvious shock only served to make Lilith laugh harder, the redhead clutching her stomach and struggling for breath.

"Why are you laughing? Come on, what's so funny?" Like that day in the courtyard, Eve felt her face flush with what she thought was indignation. She ran a hand through her hair, nervous and entirely confused as to why.

"Sorry about that," The girl walked past her and tossed a garbage bags into the dumpster nearby.

"It's just," another small laugh escaped her, "the people I was cooking with were too scared to come out here. They said there was some crazy chick was talking to herself by the trash like she was on crack!"

"Really?! I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

She felt like dying, her face hotter than a stove and twice as red. Her fingers reached for her hair on instinct, twiddling with the tips, snapping some of the strands of in the process.

"Hey, it's alright! Gave me an excuse to get outta there, so I ain't complaining." She shrugged her shoulders then stretched her back, uniform rising as she did so.

Her eyes were instantly drawn to the sliver of skin that appeared before her. It was gone as quick as it appeared yet the very image was now burned into her mind.

It would occupy her mind all throughout dinner. It would be all she could think about as she took her nightly shower. It would invade her mind as she lay in bed to sleep, restless and half mad because of the picture.

Though it wasn't so much of a problem now. She had something else to keep her mind busy, after all.

"How'd you find me, by the way?"

"I saw your name on the tag and I asked around."

"Oh..." She breathed, face falling for only a second. "So you know who I am?"

Her voice was laced with something akin to disappointment and hesitance. As if, in her mind, the moment Eve knew of the person she was and the things she'd done, the blonde would go running.

"Yeah, you're Lilith Damien, right?"

"Depends on who you ask." She winked, blue eyes filled with mirth and smile becoming devious.

The way she said it somewhat jokingly. Though what the joke was evaded her and she was left looking like a fool, a few slow blinks being her sole response.

"Anyways, I'm here to return these," Eve said, turning a deeper shade of pink at the wink.

Those eyes did things to her.

Whether she knew it or not, though, was something for later.

"Thank you." Lilith smiled, apple red lips a cross of amused and endeared.

Like the first meeting, their hands brushed against each other, but if Eve was honest with herself, though she rarely was, it didn't seem as accidental or as fleeting, skin lingering and heat staying for a moment longer than it had.

"Were they able to do it?"

"Do what?"

"Keep you warm."

Lilith said this as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, but not in a way that berated her or made her seem naive and stupid, but her tone was that of care, as if the oven mitts were meant to warm her.

"They did great, you should be very proud of them," Eve giggled, cheesy humor shining through before she could stop it.

It was refreshing when Lilith laughed, not a snicker of distaste or one of pity like her friends who would cringe are her childish jokes and puns, but a sound of genuine joy and hilarity.

Eve was still getting used to the sound, lost in her own high when Lilith spoke once more.

"Did you wash them for me?"

"Uh.."

"Don't be creepy. Don't be creepy."

"Yes, actually. I had them for a while after you gave them and I didn't wanna give you a hard time scrubbing all the dried batter off after being so nice to me."

As it turns out, this was the right thing to say as the redhead gave her another dazzling smile in thanks.

The serene silence that hung between them was interrupted by three heavy knocks on the door behind them.

"Hold on, I'm in the middle of something here!" Her smile was wiped clean of her face, replaced by a deep scowl that looked so out of place on her sharp, yet stunning features.

"Lilith, get your ass back in here!" A harsh voice boomed from inside the kitchen.

"You better not be on a smoke break, taking the trash out shouldn't be taking that damn long."

"I'm not smoking! Just gimme a minute, will you, Joan?"

"If you're not in here in two minutes, I'm telling Mother Cecilia."

"Fuck you!" Her change in tone was abrupt and shocking to say the least, and Eve couldn't help but gawk at the more aggressive language.

Cursing was prohibited and anyone caught doing it would get a detention and a note home. It was on page 39, right in between bullying and, coincidentally, smoking.

"Anyway," Lilith said, turning back to her, suddenly sheepish as she rubbed her neck. "I should probably go..."

"I see what you mean now when you said it depends on who I ask."

"Yeah?" Her usual smirk was off now, cool façade cracking under the weight of Eve's words.

"Yeah."

"And... is it a bad thing?" Lilith's voice was hesitant, as if, for some reason, she cared for what the other thought of her.

"Not exactly. Flexibility is a good trait in the workforce." She said, taking a quote straight from their textbook to justify the girl's actions with something other than the fact that she had taken quite a liking to her.

All the tension left Lilith, shoulders slumping in a show of relief. The hand at her neck had fallen, dragging her unbuttoned collar with it, giving Eve a peek of her cleavage.

She would also think about that later tonight, mind alternating with the peek of skin earlier, and now, this.

"OK. I'll see you around, then?"

The blonde grinned and nodded in response. She didn't know why, but she wanted to see her again.

"Bye, Lilith."

"Bye, Eve."

With that, the girl went back into the kitchen, door unintentionally slamming shut behind her.

Eve could hardly wait for their next meeting.

And lucky for her, she wouldn't have to wait long.

...

"So?" Paula asked, not even a minute after Lilith entered the kitchen.

"So what?"

All the girls in had their eyes on her, as if waiting for their turn to asks their own questions.

"She's asking you if you dealt with the crackhead or not, dummy." Joan said, snickering, though she shut up after being elbowed by Paula.

"I'm here, aren't I? And don't call her that." She went over to the sink, quicklime washing her hands and wiping it on her worn apron. "She has a name."

"We'll call her by her name when you tell us what it is."

"Joan!" Paula hit the girl once more.

"That's not what I meant. We just wanna know who she was."

Paula took Lilith's damp hands, thumb moving in small, soothing circles.

"We're worried about you, Lil. You haven't really been with anyone since Sarah left."

"You really don't have to worry. I'm over her, I have been for months now!"

Joan sighed and sauntered over to the pair, patting the girl on the back. As much as they'd tease and bicker and squabble, they cared about each other, though their ways of showing it were unconventional to say the least.

"You sure?" She started. "I mean, it's fine if you wanna take a break from relationships and all that, but maybe it would be better for you to get out there and try dating again?"

"Date who?" Lilith went to her bag and fished out a pack of chips. "In case you haven't noticed, I don't exactly have a lot of options here."

"Me and Paula met someone at the garage concert we went to last week, I can hook you up with her if you want."

"Not happening."

"Why not?"

Lilith looked at the floor, kicking the tiled ever so slightly as she popped a chip into her mouth.

"'Cause, I don't feel like it."

"Why not?"

"I just don't."

Joan and Paula shared a knowing glance.

"Look me in the eye and say that again."

Lilith groaned, blue eyes shifting upwards before she muttered, "I don't feel like it."

"Why not?"

"I answered that already."

"Why not?" Paula said, deciding to help Joan and press on.

"'Cause..."

"'Cause...?"

Lilith frowned, sharp features turning harsher than they already were.

"I see what's going on here, Lil." Joan put her head on the girl's shoulder, neck craning. "Who's the lucky girl?"

The redhead's expression softened and she slumped onto her friend.

"The one I was talking to outside." Her voice was soft, barely a whisper. But girls like Lilith had to get used to talking in hushed voices and hurried murmurs.

Love was a dangerous thing for girls like Lilith.

"Will you tell us her name?" Paula leaned on the wall by her right, effectively sandwiching the girl.

"Eve."

[cherry3point14]

Stranger Than Fanfiction: Ch 6

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Dean x Reader   Warnings: Not much except for the dangers for staying up all night. And Meta. Word count: 1,900. Chapter Summary: Fanfiction is not your friend. A/N: I am very sorry but like all my writing we are in that awkward middle where we have to hang on for dear life and hope the writing improves by the end.

Ao3 if you prefer

You hadn’t gone looking for it, the story. Your new online friend sent you a link. Innocently. Casually. Like she wasn’t going to absolutely, swiftly, and utterly change everything.

It was only supposed to be a story.

You had tried to explain as gently as possible that you weren’t reading fics anymore but she'd sent you the link anyway, in case you changed your mind. She hadn’t been holding a gun to your head or anything, you didn’t have to click it. You could have let it sit in your little inbox till the end of time. She’d mentioned that you might like this story is all. This person, the writer she linked you to, was well known and pretty good. The stories were, her words, one of a kind. It had been late, you’d already been tucked up in bed and unable to sleep. The blue light from your phone was doing very little to help with the whole getting to sleep thing, but really, it’s Friday night. No harm, no foul.

Your bedroom was the perfect temperature, your blankets were the perfect weight over your body. Everything was soft and cocoon-like, the ideal place to hide from the world while you read something you’d promised yourself you wouldn’t. More fanfiction.

The first story was twelve chapters and you devoured them. Your new friend had been right. The story was brilliant. If you hadn’t known better this could have been another unpublished book, albeit shorter than Supernatural books usually are. There had been a vivid interaction between Sam and Dean finishing each other's sentences that felt bone-chillingly real. Probably because you’d seen the real them do the exact same thing in front of you a few days ago.

Well written fanfiction is not the issue. Nor is the fact that you’re reading fanfiction at all. The crazy, unbelievable part came down to four familiar words.

Little did she know.

If you remembered anything it was those words. They had haunted what nightmares you’d had since you heard them a week ago. Those words were the reason you jumped easier at every sound or movement.

Then you’d read them on the screen. Little had that character known that she wouldn't make it past the week. Alone those words weren’t irrefutable proof, not enough to convict anyway, the rest of the story might be. The way it was written. It was like you could hear the words in your head again, a different song sung in the same voice. An echo of what you heard most days since that first Friday in May.

Only when you get to the end do you dare to even think your suspicions.

There’s no way. It’s impossible.

The clock at the top of your phone tells you it’s nearly one o’clock in the morning now. You hadn’t devoured that first story as quickly as you thought. Maybe you’re tired. That’s what was causing this delirium. Tiredness was sending you further and into the realms of crazy. Crazier than the voice or the Winchesters or the fact that a shapeshifter is killing people.

It’s beyond deranged. It’s insane, it’s… it’s… unbelievable.

Your life, what you’ve been hearing, it can’t be just that; a story. It’s supposed to be in your head. Sure, everything you'd heard had been strung together like a book but it’s not actually being told. It’s something in you, broken, you needed an MRI. Or a therapist. You read too much, that’s all. You have too many books in your memory.

It would be easy to turn your phone off now. One a.m. That’s sleeping time. Your eyelids are heavy and it’s a struggle to keep them open.

But you click the link that says Masterlist anyway and see a post for something in progress at the top of the page. Till Death Do Us Part.

The synopsis alone makes your throat dry and your heart stop.

Y/N spends her days on paperwork and procedure. In the worst days of people’s lives, she is the full stop at the end of the sentence. When a loved one is lost, she replaces the irreplaceable; by completing the insurance claim. Her work sits on the outskirts of tragedy, far away enough that she pretends to have a normal life. But when she discovers two men attempting to steal her job out from under her? Everything changes.

The room is quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Gravity has forced you deeper into your pillow to the point where you couldn’t get up, couldn’t move, if your house caught fire around you. It’s a comfortable prison but you’re still trapped all the same, which only leaves scrolling, clicking, and reading as your options.

Yet your thumb is slow. It’s the only part of you that can move but you can’t bring yourself to do it too quickly. You suddenly can’t sleep either and indecision starts eating at you.

It might be an hour before you click on the first link—chapter one—it might be thirty seconds. The chapter eventually loads and when you do start skimming the words something steals the air from your lungs. A single line stands out to you, black letters on a white background that will haunt you for the rest of your short life.

This is a story about Y/N Y/L/N.

The early morning sun starts to leak through the gap in your curtains, sending a slither of light into the room. It slices over your bed, your arms still holding your phone and your face.  It's not particularly bright but it's enough to inform you that you haven't slept yet and you paw at your cheeks to wipe the tears from them.

Six chapters out of ten. There are six chapters online for anyone to read. Every facet of your life. There’s so much more than the words you'd heard in your already. Entire sections where the real you deviated from the path, because the you that is being written about has no idea what’s coming. She has no idea that she’s going to die. Or that you both are.

When you’d first heard that you’d run home in a panic but in the story you never did. You sat at your desk and worked mindlessly, made small talk with Harry about his weekend plans. You’d carried on living.

The invasion of your privacy is not the reason for the tear tracks blotting your face though. No, you'd cried for two reasons. Frustration had been what made your chin wobble and your eyes sting. What you were reading is what knocked your resistance enough to feel the wetness on your cheeks.

It's poetic. The irony of this character only learning to really live in her final days, without knowing it's her final days. The foreshadowing and tragedy perfectly  littered throughout. You may think you're better off knowing except what did you actually know? The only thing you know is the same thing everyone on the planet knows; death is coming. Yours is sooner than you'd like, sure, but you still had no idea what was coming at all.

You're not a crier, not pretty prose alone, but this isn't a character. It's you. The implication of sad, wasted days were your choices, your time, your shell of an existence.

You wouldn't have even thought your life was that ordinary until you'd read that it was.

So, you'd read. Over and over again as if you can will the ending to appear by memorizing whatever has already been posted. Sleeping was second hand to re-reading. You'd thought back to everything before this and your love of a good mystery, convincing yourself that you alone could find the clues. That’s where the key to solving this was. Hidden to anyone else but you.

Now you know every word; the good, the bad, and the ones you already heard in your head. There’s nothing. No glaringly obvious tips or hints anyway. Nothing that makes you sit up dramatically because of a fact only you know about yourself. Then again—you're reminded by the promise of an update soon—it’s still in progress.

The answer hits you between your eyes.

This story is in progress. It’s not a product of your mind anymore, it's being written by a human being. Although you have no idea how you are hearing it, or how she’s controlling you. Or if she brought you into existence like a monster from the books. There's still hope. She’s a person typing on a keyboard.

People can be stopped. Keyboards can be smashed. Stories can go unfinished.

You click back to her main profile and see her name. Emma. Your author has a name now, all the better to find her.

Emma. Iowa. That doesn't narrow it down much further. The only other slightly identifying piece of information on her profile is her age.

There's one thing Emma has gotten right in everything she's written so far, you have changed. Imminent death will do that to a person. Old you would have given up, let defeat win out. Luckily you're not that person anymore.

Not everyone is as honest as you would like when it comes to insurance. Sometimes you need to treat things like fraud because they are fraud, so you already have a friend who has dug up information for you in the past. With a lot less to go on.

Hi Stan,

It's been a while but I was hoping you had time to check something out for me. I'm looking for an Emma, 34, Iowa. I also have a link to her blog below. I know it's a long shot but if I can get a phone number, address, anything. You'd be doing me a huge favor. Are normal fees ok? Let me know if you're busy or if anyone else can do this for me.

Thanks,

Y/N

The email is brief but once your phone makes that tiny woosh sound to signify it's sent you feel comforted. A small semblance of relief wraps you up like the blanket you still have tucked under your arms. For the first time, you're not blindly trying things and hoping to solve the problem. You may not know how this is happening but you're being proactive with the facts you have. If your off the books P.I friend can actually find this woman then you may have an honest to God shot at preventing your own death. You might even get her out of your head to boot.

You check the time again, even though it's six a.m. you're finally tired enough to close your eyes.

Continue to Chapter 7.

5eva tags: @divadinag @darthdeziewok @fluentinfiction @witch-of-letters @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @magnitude101999 @alexwinchester23   Dean babes: @thewinchesterchronicles @akshi8278​ @bloodydaydreamer StrangerThanFiction tags: @jaylarkson @starsandmidnightblue​

[raptured-night]

7&34?

Oh, yay! Thanks for the ask @snapeling!

7. What is your most self-indulgent Snape headcanon? No, your MOST self-indulgent headcanon. That one

I’ve read so many imaginative answers to this one, even a really lovely short about Snape surviving the Battle of Hogwarts to become a bee-keeper. I absolutely adored that one because I have long nursed a little headcanon about Snape as a retired teacher turned bee-keeper in the style of Sherlock Holmes. 

That being said, my most self-indulgent Snape headcanon has long been that the man who once spoke so mesmerizingly about being able to “put a stopper in death” to a class of rapt first-years was also able to have the foresight to be able to survive Nagini’s attack. Rowling laid the foundation for it to be possible and there was enough vagueness surrounding his death in the book that one could easily imagine scenarios where Snape survives and carves a better place for himself in the wizarding world post-war or he succeeds in faking his own death and quietly leaves the wizarding community of the UK behind for a fresh start elsewhere. In the latter scenario, everyone (or mostly everyone depending on if I’m feeling the idea of someone helping him fake his death or him managing it on his own) assumes he died and that his portrait didn’t just appear among the other Hogwarts’ headmasters because they believe he had “abandoned his post” but when his portrait (assuming Harry had one installed in his honor) suddenly comes to life and begins talking many decades later they realize the truth --the real reason that it had not appeared that night is because Severus Snape had not yet died. 

I often go back-and-forth between what life he might make for himself in a scenario where he survives and the wizarding community of the UK is aware of it and the ones in which he survives and fakes his death. In AUs were Snape remains in the wizarding world of the UK and people know he survived I tend to see his life as more fraught with challenges but eventually stabilizing into something better than what he had before. I suspect the people’s views of him would be something similar to what we see of the fandom, in the sense, it might be a varied mix of public acceptance, hatred, and so on. There would be people who overly romanticize him and his role during the war and, to Snape’s own chagrin, seek to make him out to be far more of a tragic victim of circumstance than he would care to be seen as (he might balk at the odd marriage offer he gets from witches in the mail, expressions of sympathy bordering more pity, and even embarrassing assumptions about his sex life and offers, should he wish it, to “lose his virginity” or find comfort in willing arms). There would be others who might urge the Ministry to bring him up on charges and revile him even in the face of Harry’s or other people’s public defense because they just refuse to believe that the man who killed Dumbledore and usurped his position as Headmaster for over a year is anything other than a villain who managed to save his own skin and pull the wool over people’s eyes. 

In the aftermath of the war, and with so much recent loss and fear, Snape would bear the brunt of their outcry for more vengeance (some with the thinly veiled prejudice that didn’t completely die with Voldemort that an “ugly half-blood who came from nothing” could have killed a great wizard like Dumbledore and fooled so many) under the guise of justice and they would project their collective trauma onto him. There would also be survivors of the war who came from families of Death Eaters and said Death Eaters who again slip away from justice that view Snape as either a traitor of the most extreme kind or as a curiosity. Was this man truly so capable an Occlumens that he could conceal from everyone, including Voldemort, his true beliefs and loyalties for so long, or had he successfully managed to play both sides of the war to secure himself a place with whichever side proved to be the victor? Ultimately, I see where his detractors would also be convinced, as many Snaters are, that whatever connection he had to Harry’s mother was something seedy and Snape would have to contend with their hatred. 

Oddly, I see him finding those who revile him easier to reconcile (aside from their assumptions about Lily and what relationship he had with her) than his “fans” who might send him love letters and cast him as some Byronic hero. Largely because he has had to contend with being loathed for much of his life and it’s familiar territory. Being made into a romantic figure or even earning the respect of some people would be new territory he would have to learn to cope with. Learning how to tell the difference between admiration and romanticization, sympathy and pity, etc., would be a rocky course to navigate. I also see a tense and uncomfortable post-war relationship with many of his colleagues at Hogwarts. Their guilt over not trusting him would be difficult for him to contend with; they only believed what he and Dumbledore intended for them to believe. I think a bitter part of him might even privately feel that the guilt some of them felt for believing the worst of him came too little too late and would have been better served during his youth when so many of them seemed to have written him off and turned a blind eye to the Marauder’s bullying. He might be more inclined to avoid those of his colleagues who insist on dwelling on their guilt and rehashing his time as Headmaster. 

For that reason, I have never seen him returning to Hogwarts as very likely. I do indulge in some thought of him and McGonagall eventually coming to an understanding after a few difficult conversations, some of which might be carried out in person over uncomfortable tea or stiffer drinks and some of which might occur through initially tense correspondences that eventually begin to veer off into more comfortable territory and lengthy discussions of topics that have nothing at all to do with the war as time passes. I also like the thought of Snape returning long enough to speak his peace to Dumbledore’s portrait. He would learn Dumbledore had tried to lay the groundwork for him to survive (he intended him to gain possession of the Elder Wand to offer him some protection and not to single him out to be killed but things did not go according to his best-laid plans); he wasn’t just a spy tossed out into the cold with no hope of being saved by a man who didn’t see him as more than a pawn in a much bigger game. Still, there are conversations that need to be had (such as why, from his perspective, Dumbledore once looked at a young Sirius Black and saw a boy who could still be saved even after his attempt at murder but could see nothing more in him than a lost cause to give up on) that Snape was unable to have with Dumbledore while he was still alive when they were still in the middle of a looming war other concerns, by necessity, took priority. 

Those conversations would be difficult and painful but Snape would find that there was still catharsis to be found in the opening of old wounds when they had been left to fester so they could properly begin to heal. In such an AU, my most self-indulgent headcanon is one where Snape learns to take the reigns on his life and become his own master; he makes peace with his demons (for the most part) and allows the ghosts of his past to finally rest. Most importantly, he begins to plan for a future that is his own and reflect on what that means for him. I imagine a Snape that becomes better adjusted (as we see in Cursed Child) in terms of how he copes with his trauma. He would retire from Hogwarts and, finally, relocate from Spinner’s End to make a quiet but contended living for himself in a more comfortable flat or cottage home full of walls lined by shelves of books by applying the knowledge he has acquired over the course of many years not as an over-worked and frustrated teacher who doesn’t enjoy directly working with a classroom but as a prolific writer of educational textbooks on everything from Potions brewing for novice to advance brewers to treaties on defenses against Dark Arts so undeniably valuable they become standard syllabus at Hogwarts and amongst would-be Aurors at the Ministry. 

In AUs where Snape leaves wizarding Britain behind him and fakes his death, the catharsis does not come easily. It’s a process of learning to accept leaving his past behind him, even if parts of it remain unresolved and open-ended, and finding peace in the new life he forges for himself. I like the idea of him leading a private life in another country. Often I imagine him in places like Tangier in Morroco, or Turkey, or Thebes in Egypt, Ethiopia, or Sudan, etc., places steeped in history or at the very cradle of civilization or in places lush with potentially useful and undiscovered species of flora, fauna, or species of magical creature that could be used in potions brewing, such as Indonesia, Malaysia, or Brunei (which share access to the rain forest in Borneo) or Brazil. In this headcanon, Snape would spend his days conducting research into obscure or ancient magical texts, studying potential new magical ingredients for potions, or even rediscovering old ways of brewing lost to many, and making a new name for himself as a talented Potioneer writing under an assumed name. 

I like to imagine this Snape as benefiting from his time outside of the UK; his skin would pick up some color from his time spent outdoors in a warmer climate and if he always remained more on the side of slender he would not be so thin as to seem malnourished. He would gain a healthy bit of mass from his ventures and while he would always be a “substance over beauty” sort, the positive benefits of this new life would be evident through the changes in his appearance and overall demeanor. Enough so that when he came across a person from his past unexpectedly while they were on vacation his appearance and general baring were so altered that they would look right past him and wouldn’t realize until many decades later (by which time Snape would have lived to a ripe old age for a wizard and they too would have begun to feel the evidence of their own advancing years), when Snape’s portrait suddenly came to life among the Hogwarts’ Headmasters and began talking, as a sudden shocking afterthought that the person they had seen had been none other than Severus Snape --wrongly presumed dead after the Battle of Hogwarts and remembered by many witches and wizards, particularly The Boy Who Lived, as the bravest man any of them had ever known. 

34. Pick out a chapstick/lipstick for Snape.

I may be breaking the rules a bit with this one but I have two answers, one serious and more thoughtful and one that just amuses me.

The serious answer is that I could headcanon Snape using a chapstick made from beeswax. It would be colorless (and if it had any flavor then he might indulge in a honey flavor or even a honey lemon flavor, which has the added bonus of being comforting and settling the stomach against any nausea) and protect his lips against chapping as a result of alternating between the colder temperatures of the dungeons and the heat of cauldron flames. This also ties into my favored headcanon of a Snape who keeps bees and finds economical uses for beeswax and honey. 

As an aside, I like using the Burt’s Bees products myself (the company does aim to be cruelty-free and doesn’t test on animals which is a deciding factor in all of the cosmetic products I purchase, although their subsidiary company Clorox, which bought them out in 2007, does do animal testing with some of their products so it’s a bit of a murky territory where you have to debate if supporting one company’s cruelty-free policies balances against the fact their parent company does do animal testing or not; additionally many of the ingredients in their products are also naturally sourced, if not vegan for those who prefer cosmetic products that are both cruelty-free and vegan) and I occasionally indulge when I can afford the extra expense, so there’s that as well. 

The funny answer is there is a brand of lipstick by Jeffree Star Cosmetics called Unicorn Blood and another by Too Faced called Unicorn Tears. Either of those sound as if they could be ingredients in a potion, so I could easily imagine our favorite Potions Master getting a sardonic kick out of using them.