#mum come pick me up jai's lost their mind again

[kosmo-mckogane]

no you don't understand friends to lovers is actually something that can be so personal because the concept of wanting to impress someone and avoid embarrassing yourself in front of them so bad except there's no point bc they know you inside out and have already seen you during your most ridiculous and embarrassing moments... and yet, so have you, and it only makes you love them more for it? AND THAT'S MUTUAL?? yeah that's the shit right there

[babygirlgalitzine]

i can’t get over the way (you love me like you do) - chapter six (ao3)

Ben's lazing across the sofa, the position of his body in a slump. One of his hands is against his chest, thumb stroking lightly at the material of his shirt, the other dangling low and just reaching the carpet. One leg is up and spread all the way across the sofa, reaching the other side, the heel of his foot resting upon the arm of the seat, whilst his other leg is down and stopping him from falling if he rolls over at any point. The television is playing, and some old show that Ben vaguely remembers from when he was a child is crackling through the screen, but bar looking in its direction, he's taking no notice of it. His mind is a mess. All he thinks about is Callum this, Callum that. He's numb to everything else, really.

It's been a week. It's been one whole week, seven entire days since Ben and Callum had their argument. Since then, Ben's been hiding away, only ever leaving the house for work, and then coming home with his head hung low and his feet heavy like concrete. Everyone arounds him believes they've broken up, and in a way, they have - but this is even worse than that, because Ben's lost Callum as a friend first and foremost. He's heartbroken, completely at a loss without him. He misses being able to text Callum whenever he wants, even if just to tell him a stupid joke. He misses drinking with him. He misses watching films with him. He misses just being in Callum's presence, and he misses how happy Callum makes him. 

Lola's standing at the kitchen door leading into the living room, watching Ben with a forlorn look on her face. She unfolds her arms, and swings around so she's now back in the kitchen, shaking her head. Jay and Kathy are sitting at the table. "Callum told us they had an argument." Lola explains, her voice low so that Ben doesn't hear. Not that he probably would anyway, considering he's been zoning out of every conversation people have been trying to hold with him all week. "But he's still refusing to tell us what it's all about. It's driving me insane. They're both so unhappy, but neither of them are taking that step to talk to each other again." 

Kathy shakes her head. "I'm tempted to just bang their heads together." She says. "He's been like this for days, moping about."

"Callum's the exact same." Jay says. "He's acting like he's fine, but you can tell he's not okay. Even at work, he's mixing up orders, dropping things, getting angry. Whatever they argued about, it's affecting both of them really badly."

Lola nods. "They aren't the same without each other."  She concludes.

They're silent for a moment, trying to mull things over in the minds. 

"I can hear you, you know?" Ben shouts from the other room, his voice dull and empty of emotion.

Three heads jerk up at the same time, and they watch Ben as he sits upright for what feels like the first time in days. He's got bags under his eyes, all brown and swollen. He's barely shaven, his beard now long in length and thick for the first time. 

"Love." Kathy says, her best caring mum voice now in full swing. "We're just worried about you. You aren't sleeping, you're barely leaving the house. It's not normal, darling. I'm sure that whatever you and Callum argued about wasn't so bad that you can't sort it all out. Forget your relationship, just don't go ruining your friendship with him, because above all, that's what really matters." 

Ben scoffs, and shakes his head, standing up in a swift movement that causes a crack at his knees. "You don't know nothing." Ben spits venomously. "So just leave it. All of you." He storms off upstairs, thundering steps ricocheting through the house with every anger filled movement he leaves behind. 

Kathy's standing behind the till in the cafe, watching people coming and going. It's the busy morning rush, albeit now the end of it, and through it all, Callum's been sitting in the back of the cafe, half hidden from view, nursing a cup of tea that has surely long since gone stone cold. He looks lost too, exactly like Ben. His hair is flat and obscuring his forehead. He's got bags under his eyes, matching with Ben's, and he's sitting in a slouch, his shoulders hunched over, his posture a stark contrast to his usual one. He yawns, and Kathy can see his eyes start to water afterwards. She picks out a tissue or two from a box she keeps next to the till, and walks over to him, noting that the cafe is now nearly empty following the morning swarm of busy workers and school children. She drags out the seat that's opposite Callum on the same table, and sits down without him looking up. She puts a comforting hand on his wrist, and passes him the tissues. He takes it gratefully, and smiles when he realises that it's from Kathy - though the smile doesn't reach his eyes like it usually would. 

"I'm assuming this is all because of my son." Kathy says, breaking the silence between them.

Callum fumbles out a scoffing laugh, wiping his eyes dry of any remaining tears that escape. "Is it really that obvious?" Callum asks. "How is he?" Typical Callum, wondering how other people are even when he's in such a state himself.

"Exactly like you." She confirms with a warming smile on her face. "He's barely eating, barely sleeping. Only leaving the house to go to work, and then coming home straight away. It's like he's lost without you."

Callum's eyes fill with tears once more, and he swiftly dabs them with the tissue.

"Can you really not sort it out?" Kathy asks. "What's so bad that you two can't even be friends?"

Callum lets out a sigh, and his body slumps even further, a wave of nausea curling throughout him. "It's my fault." He admits. "I need to be the one to sort it out. Whether Ben wants to sort it out himself, is another question. I hope he does. It's like I'm missing part of me without him."

Kathy places a hand on Callum's, enveloping him. "Well between me and you. Ben's not gone to work today, so if you really want to sort it all out, I'd suggest going over to the house to speak to him whilst everyone's out." 

Callum looks down at the table and inhales a shaky breath. "Yeah." He says. "I really should. Is it okay if I go now?" 

Kathy nods, a warming smile on his face that only a mother could give. "Course it is." She stands, following Callum's own movements, and leans up to press a kiss to his cheek. "Let yourself in, the door's unlocked." 

--- 

Callum's standing on the concrete outside of the house, his hand dangerously close to the door handle. His hand is floating over the metal, his mind running at a million miles an hour, trying to decide if he should just walk in, or knock. He shakes his head with his eyes shut, and feels the cool metal against his skin as he pushes it down and opens the door. There's a squeak from the hinges, and Callum inwardly cringes, because he feels like he's trespassing, even though he has permission to just walk in. 

"Ben?" He calls out, though his voice is not nearly as loud as he thought it was. 

He walks into the living room, and sees Ben spread out on the sofa, head resting on his fist, watching the television. It overwhelms Callum, seeing Ben after a week. It's probably the longest they've ever gone without speaking to each other. "Ben." Callum breathes out.

Ben looks up at him through hooded eyelids and fluttery eyelashes, exhaustion clearly evident on his face. "What do you want?" He asks, sadness in his voice. 

Callum's heart pangs with an ache of hurt, knowing that he's the one responsible for Ben feeling like this. He crouches down, so he's now face to face with Ben. His eyes are stinging, tingles of remaining tears hurting him. "Your mum let me in. I want to apologise, for everything." 

Ben looks everywhere but at Callum, his eyes scanning around the room in a desperate attempt to find something even remotely interesting, because he can't bring himself to look directly into Callum's ocean blue eyes. Callum places his hand on Ben's cheek, warm and inviting, and Ben nearly melts. 

"I'm sorry." Callum whispers. "I shouldn't have made a big deal out of it. I just got scared, terrified that I'd ruin everything for us. I guess I did in the end." He shrugs. 

Ben sits up, swinging his legs around so they reach the floor. He shakes his head lightly. "I'm the one that should be apologising. I should never have suggested it, it was a stupid idea."

"It was fun." Callum admits, because honestly, it was. "I guess I just got scared, but I don't regret any of it - only the argument." 

Ben smiles softly, because he knows what Callum's trying to say. He looks down at his lap, thumbs twisting around the other, before he looks back up at Callum shyly. "Are we good?" He asks.

Callum intakes a sharp breath through his nose, and smiles. "Yeah." He confirms. "We're good." 

They share a look, eyes scanning eyes, but not for long, because Ben launches himself at Callum, pulling the older man in for a hug. They've both missed this. Ben's fingers thread through the hair at the back of Callum's head, holding them close. Callum's head is buried in Ben's shoulder, breathing him in. It's relaxing, a comfort, to be able to hold like this. Ben releases his hold on Callum, and Callum remains in the hug for a moment or two, wanting to savour it after a long week of not being able to do this. When he eventually pulls away, his hands are still encapsulating Ben's ribs, warm hands melting into his skin. Ben's hands remain in the thin parts of Callum's hair, feeling it under his fingertips, and they're just looking at each other, smiles on their faces, genuinely happy. Something comes over Ben, and he leans forward, breath swirling out of his nostrils as it hits Callum's skin. His lips press against Callum's, soft and peaceful and grounding. There's a scrape of chapped lips, not the usual smoothness of silky plump lips, but it makes it all the more real. Callum screws his eyes tightly shut, and falls into the kiss before he realises what's actually happening, and pushes Ben off of him with a harshness. 

"No!" He mutters out, wiping his lips with the back of his hands, as if that's going to do something.

"Wha-" Ben breathes out, shoulders slumping once again. Confusion is written all across his face, looking depleted. "You just said you don't regret it!" 

Callum rubs his hand over his face. "That doesn't mean you can just kiss me like that again, it's just confusing me." 

"Why not?" Ben asks, holding his hands up. 

Something bubbles inside of Callum, threatening to escape with every second that passes. "Because I like you!" He explodes. "I like ya, and I know you'' never feel the same way." 

Callum stands up, a crack of his knees breaking up the tension of the silence between them. He turns his body away from Ben, not wanting to see his face when Ben inevitably breaks his heart. 

Ben lets out a soft chuckle, barely audible. "I love you." He admits, finally. His voice is shaky, but he's never been more sure of what he's saying in his life. "I've been in love with you since we met." 

There's an aching silence in the room. The air runs cold, and neither of them are looking at the other. Ben's words echo, a constant repeat circling around Callum's mind. He said he loves him. Loves.

Callum turns his body slowly, redness spread right across his cheeks, tears welling up in his eyes. "What?" Callum asks, his voice quiet and shy and nerves run all the way through him, right down to the tip of his toes. He watches Ben with a soft adoration on his face, and his head is downcast, staring at the floor. He's shy, all of a sudden. Callum walks forward, closer and closer to Ben with every moment that passes. He crouches down, and hooks a finger underneath Ben's chin, pushing slightly, so that Ben takes the hint to look at Callum's face. When he eventually does, Callum produces the softest smile, and Ben's unable to do anything but replicate the smile - Callum's infectious when it comes to that. "What did you just say, Ben?"

"That I love you." Ben breathes out, watching Callum's reactions. 

Callum's finger remains under Ben's chin, his stubble prickling at his skin, but his thumb brushes over Ben's bottom lip. Tears well up in Callum's eyes, and he feels like crying, not for the first time today. Callum leans forward, and Ben watches his every move in anticipation, but nothing could prepare him for the reality of tingles that Callum causes him to have when their lips touch. Ben nearly jerks back at the feeling, and Callum grins against his lips, wanting, needing more. Ben moves his hands to the back of Callum's head, pushing them even closer together, if that's even possible, and his legs start to wrap around Callum's body from where he's crouching down. He chuckles against Ben's lips, and moves to stand up, towering over him, though he doesn't pull away. His body towers over Ben's, leaving Ben craning his neck as Callum moves, until Callum's half stradling Ben. They stay there for a few moments, maybe even longer, not caring about keeping track of time. Callum eventually pulls away, allowing them to get their breath back, though Ben's willing to say he doesn't care about being able to breathe, as long as he's kissing Callum. Fingers are against Ben's cheek, skin touching skin, and Callum's looking down at him with a beaming grin, lips glossy and red and plump.

"I love you too." 

[liquor-and-intellect]

WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP WHERE DO WE GO? H.S. AU part four: all the good girls go to hell

SUMMARY: Jay is force to be reckoned with. She does what she wants and the consequences aren’t as bad she’d expect. She stays out late, drinks with her friends and sleeps with Kai- who may or may not have a girlfriend.

When Jay meets Harry, her life seems to slow down. Feelings start to slip through the hard exterior that she’s worked so hard to build. She could finally learn to be vulnerable and overcome the scars left by her childhood that she didn’t realize went to deep.

Follows Billie Eilish’s Album. part three

warnings: mentions of depression and drugs

part four: all the good girls go to hell

“Standing there, killing time Can't commit to anything but a crime.”

- Billie Eilish 

The back of Kai’s car at 1 a.m. was not the ideal place for a hookup.

Then again, hooking up with a cheating douche bag after having a wonderful date with a certain intoxicating British man made no sense either.

I told myself this is what I deserved as I let Kai pound me uncomfortably into next year. I would never be worthy of someone like Harry who was kind, gentle and authentic. He would realize it sooner or later. Eventually to him, I would just be a waste of time.

Kai grunted above me. “Fuck- I needed you tonight, Jay,” he groaned.

I almost rolled my eyes, I hated that word. Needed. He didn’t need me.

I let him finish, rolling off of me and already reaching for a cigarette. As I pulled my pants up my hips, I thought of Harry’s face. I couldn’t get him out of my head. Here I was, upset that this perfectly fine guy was amazing— yet the only thing I could successfully commit to was fucking things up again and self-destructing like always.

Later, as I drove home through the darkened streets, I watched my phone light up with messages from Kai.

My turn to ignore you, I thought.

My body was scrubbed raw from a hot shower as I went to sleep. I spent precious time cleaning it of any evidence of either man’s presence on my skin. Even the tantalizing kiss Harry had left me with that night.

…

I found myself the next day hidden in the back of my favorite bookstore.

There weren’t many places where I felt at ease… but this was one of them. I had stumbled across it when I first arrived to L.A a couple years back. I was overwhelmed with the move to a new city where I knew no one and overwhelmed with the depression I had let myself sink into. There was something about the dusty smell of the books and the pot of coffee they brewed fresh everyday that allowed me to walk in and take a deep breath.

One of my favorite spots in the store was in the far back corner, nestled between the Historic fiction and Sci-Fi shelves. There was a pair of chairs that groaned when you sat in them but otherwise would hug itself around you like a long-lost friend. I always chose the chair on the left so I could use my left hand to hold a novel and my right hand to pick up my coffee mug for frequent sips before placing it back down on the wooden side table when I needed to turn a page.

The older couple that owned and worked the shop always welcomed me with a charismatic grin, happy to see me return—whether it was days or weeks in between my last visit. At first, they fawned over my presence, always asking me questions about myself, but learning very quickly how private I was. I liked to believe they gathered facts about me when they eyed the title of the book I would shove my nose into, or when I would roll my eyes at a cheesy fiction and place it back on the shelf. Sometimes, I was a bit more dramatic just so I’d know they caught on to the little pieces of myself I allowed them to see.

Currently, I was working my way through a horror fiction. Not my usual pick-me-up on a Wednesday evening, but I needed something that would grab my attention quick to distract myself from my sins the weekend before. I left everything on the front patio when I entered this building and felt a bit lighter as I sat in my favorite seat, heart racing at the excitement of the main character running from her perpetrator-

“Now I think you’re just following me, love.”

I startled, placing a hand to my chest as I glanced up to the familiar green eyes that haunted my sleep since our date a few nights before.

Harry stood there, books tucked underneath his arm, leaning against the shelf. There was no heaviness to him, no weight or obligation that he carried… he just felt peaceful.

I didn’t realize I had missed his presence so much.

He tilted his head to the side. “You don’t have a snarky comeback?” Laughter in his eyes.

I smiled, shaking my head while I chuckled. “You caught me off my game, I guess.”

His eyes held me for a beat too long. “Well, as much as I love your banter, there’s something about your smile that’s a bit more intriguing.”

I held my breath. But I grinned more.

He eyed the seat next to me, so I motioned. “You can sit. Just don’t tell anyone you saw me here,” I half-joked. “I have a rep to protect.”

It wasn’t that I would care if anyone knew I was at a bookstore, I just really didn’t need Willow or Hunter showing up and ruining my one sacred spot. I felt outside of myself when I was here, like there was no need to put up my walls or hard exterior. Maybe that was the reason I let Harry get comfortable in the seat next to me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, not with a hint of disdain but just wide-eyed intrigue. If there was another regular here, I thought I would know it by now.

He nodded towards the shelves around us. “It’s my mum’s favorite shop, I told her I would stop in and grab her the next book of the series she’s been raving about. Then, I grabbed another for myself.”

“What caught your attention?” I asked.

Harry lifted the dark-covered novel in the air. “The Kite Runner.” He flipped it around to glance at the back. “Looks like an interesting read.”

I nodded. “It’s definitely heavier… if you’re into that stuff,” I hummed, thinking of the heavy content that had gripped my soul between the pages of the book. I didn’t usually like to read books that made me feel so deeply, books that made me want to express my emotions… but there had been a few exceptions.

Harry tilted his head to the side. “You’ve read it?”

I nodded.

He held my gaze for a beat longer than I would have usually allowed, the wheels in his brain clicking in whirring. Thoughtfully, he asked, “Do you like onions?”

I leaned my head back and let out a laugh. “What?”

He gave me a look that said he was still waiting for my answer.

My shoulders lifted and dropped in a shrug. “I guess,” I chuckled. “I’m not a picky eater.”

“Of course you aren’t,” he said.

My eyebrows knitted themselves together. I was so confused. “What does that mean?” I asked. Normally I would be annoyed as hell by this type of banter, but the mixture of my favorite place and Harry’s sparkling eyes made it easy to forget a reason to be irritated.

He leaned back into his seat, resting an ankle on his knee as he cleared his throat. “You see,” he started, as if this was a big revelation. “you have all these layers about you, Jay. I don’t really know what to do with them— but right when I think I’ve got a part of you figured out, you do something else. Like tucking yourself in the corner of a bookstore or not being a complicated eater… I want to unravel everything about you, I really do.” He held my eyes with his, letting me know the sincerity within his voice was authentic.

I don’t know why, but it made me sad. Sad that I pushed everyone out. Sad that I could never let anyone close enough to “unravel me” completely—not even my own mother. Sad that I was a thing that Harry felt he had to work so hard to know.

I shook my head, not able to look him in the eye as I stared in my lap. “I’m not worth it, Harry,” I muttered.

“Not worth what, love?”

“Getting to know,” I told him. “I promise you. I’m not… I’m not a good person, you know?”

He gave me a small smile. “You’re not half as bad as you think you are.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I sighed, shutting my book. “we all go to hell anyways.”

    It had been two days since seeing Harry in the bookstore. After my small confession, he had lightened the mood by talking about his day at work and his love for his mom’s chicken and okra soup.

The whole interactions still played in my mind as I was finishing up the lunch shift at work when I noticed a few messages from Harry on my lock screen.

From Harry:

So, I’ve tried to play it cool but I really want to see you again

I play at a bar tonight. 8 pm. You should stop by.

And by stop by I mean come watch me and give me all the compliments when I’m done while we get drinks.

My thumbs hung in midair, desperately wanting to say yes a thousand times and appease the butterflies in my stomach. My head on the other hand was having flashbacks of being in the back of Kai’s car four hours after kissing Harry. The guilt, the shame… it would take over me if I let it. I took a few breaths and slid my phone back into my apron, compartmentalizing my pain and focusing on getting this red wine to the right table.

It wasn’t until I was removing my apron and walking to my car that I sent a text.

From me:

Send me the address.

…

I was ready and dressed to go to the bar but for some reason I couldn’t push my feet to walk to the door.

Why did I feel so goddamn guilty?

Harry was just a guy. We weren’t official. We’ve only kissed once… There wasn’t even anything there. I didn’t date. I didn’t do relationships. It shouldn’t matter if I slept with someone else.

But for some reason I couldn’t get the image out of my head of Harry’s saddened face if he knew I hooked up with his coworker after our date.

There was a knock on my bedroom door.

“What?” I bit back.

Hunter let it swing open, her blonde hair straight and slicked over her shoulders. She popped a mini-skirt clad hip against the doorframe. “Winnie and I are joining a few friends in an hour at the bar downtown.”

“Which one?” I asked.

“Lucky’s.”

Nodding, I took a deep breath that filled my aching chest. I had an out if I needed it. Harry would understand.

Hunter tilted her head to the side. “What’s wrong with you?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m worried about the California wildfires.”

She let out an empty laugh. “I’m sure.”

Before I could process what I was saying, “Harry invited me out but I slept with Kai right after our date and I think… I think I feel—guilty?”

The look Hunter gave me was as if she had seen a ghost. There were few occasions where I had actually opened up to her, even though we’d been living together for over a year. She had poked and prodded at my past at first, but quickly realized how private I was and gave up.

“What the fuck,” she replied. “you have feelings?”

I rolled my eyes and threw a pillow at her from across the room.

“Go,” she said, catching the pillow with ease. “I don’t know anything about him, but—hell—if he gets you talking about guilt like that then don’t let him get away from you.”

I took her advice.

My heart was pounding out of my chest, but I strolled into the bar at 8:17 pm, my heels clicking underneath me. Harry was already on stage, guitar strap over his shoulder and a dreamy look in his eyes as he hummed into the microphone like it was a sensual partner. I felt something clench in my stomach as I wished upon anything that would hear me that I could switch places with it for just a moment to feel his breath on my skin.

I needed a drink.

Grabbing a cocktail from the bar, I turned around in my stool to watch Harry as he absolutely dominated the stage. Even though it was him and his guitar, every inch of the room was overtaken with his all-consuming presence.

As the song slowed, he continued strumming his guitar, a new melody taking over the speakers. “This next song,” he breathed into the microphone, his accent thick and intoxicating. “is about the excitement of unraveling someone.” Green eyes glanced up to mine and held me frozen in my spot.

Harry started singing the most beautiful song. As the people around me hummed along as well, I assumed he was doing a cover and it had my heart beating out of my chest.

“And I say I’m only playing but the truth is.” Harry’s voice sank deeper into the words. “I’ve never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss. And I’m terrified…”

My heart sunk.

An image of Kai above me, sweating and moaning flashed through my head.

An image of my dad, needle protruding, cold on the floor.

Then, an image of Harry, looking at me like that from across a bar. The look like he could fall for me right then and there.

I don’t know if it was the romantic song or the anxiety settled in my chest. Or just the fact that I’m broken and people like me can never be deserving of people like Harry. He was a bundle of light and air and forgiveness and new beginnings. I could never bring him down to my level. I would only end up hurting him. There was too much baggage that he didn’t deserve to carry.

Maybe it was a concoction of all of the above that caused me to panic. To panic so much that I got up and walked out of the bar to Harry’s words following softly behind me.

“Finally, finally, finally…” he sang. I couldn’t bring myself to see if eyes were on me, although I felt them the entire way out.

“ Hills burn in California My turn to ignore ya Don't say I didn't warn ya.”

[paper-whales-writes]

All For Salmon and Chips

Pairing: Uma x Reader 

Word Count: 1,612

A/N: Sorry this one isn’t overly romantic, but I just love the idea of joining a pirate crew! So here, have another alternative to joining Uma’s crew!

                                                        “”

It is nearly empty inside Ursula's Fish and Chip Shop, with it being near to closing time. You are sat, or rather slumped, in a booth; twiddling your hand-me-down medallion as you wait for your food. Which promptly comes slamming down on the table; nearly missing your fingers. Sliding your gaze upwards, you coolly meet the eyes of Ursula's daughter herself:

Uma.

"Eat up. We'll be closing soon." She snaps, before turning on her heel and stomping away. The standard treatment for any eatery in the Isle.  Tucking into your food, your eyes scan across the dingy room. Besides yourself, the eatery is scattered with members of Uma's crew - no other paying customers. It's enough to make even you pause. You may be the daughter of the Queen of Hearts, a feared villain even on the Isle, but even you recognise power.  The turf battle between Mal and Uma is the cleavage of power on the Isle and should you be spotted near either one of them, you could be in for a lot of trouble. Just being collateral damage is seen as taking a side in their 'war'. Not great considering 'Ursula's Fish and Chips' is your favourite eatery on the Isle. Well, some things are worth dying for... And salmon and chips are sure as heck worth it.  You fasten your pace of munching, catching note of the glances thrown your way. It's as if they know something you don't.  "Oi Hearts girl!" a Scottish voice sounds from across the room, prompting your head to snap in the direction.  Harry Hook is leaning across the bar, glaring at you. His hook taps the bar, ever so slightly but enough for you to get the message: hurry up. So you do, finishing your meal and fishing out coins to pay for it. Just as you begin to stand, the door to the eatery slams open and as one the pirates tense.  Slowly, you sit back down; willing yourself to blend in with the scenery. Even through your bangs you can see who walks in: Mal, Evie, Carlos and Jay - the last people you would want to see in Uma's stronghold. It seems that you've inadvertently caught yourself in a situation you would have rather avoided.  "I thought I told you to get her out of here," You vaguely hear Uma murmur to Harry. "I was trying to!"  "Well, you didn't try hard enough." Her eyes slide to yours, almost causing you to shrink in your seat.  Striding forward to meet Mal, Uma passes you; sending another glance your way. It seems like you've picked your side. "Shrimpy."  "Loser." With the opening insults, the atmosphere is set. Both girls stare each other down, barely veiled anger simmering in their eyes. From your vantage point you can see Uma's hand stray to the hilt of her sword; as well as Mal's eyes shift into their green hue. It's enough to put you on edge.  Lightly drumming your fingers on the table, you listen to the exchange between Uma and Mal. Tense as any other member of the pirate crew.  "Return it, Uma. We know you stole it."  Although you couldn't see whether she does it, you can just picture Uma raising her brow incredulously.  "I don't know what you're talking about, Mal. We haven't stole anything."  Uma may not know what they're talking about but you sure do. The item in question, Evie's magic mirror, seems to weigh heavier in your inner jacket pocket. It was a great pain to steal, but it was worth it to help your mother get one up on the Evil Queen. Their rivalry fostered one between Evie and yourself - making you even more eager to avoid Mal and her gang. Unfortunately, it seems that the pirate crew have been blamed for your indiscretion.  "I don't believe that Uma. Your pirate crew are the only ones on this Isle who'd benefit from stealing Evie's mirror." Mal all but practically spits. You feel yourself sneer at that. Are they really too arrogant to believe that not one person could steal from them? They aren't as fearsome as their parents. No child on this Isle is.  Yet, what you don't see is Harry Hook take in that sneer and slightly tap Uma. So slightly that none of the core four notice. Perhaps you'll still be in trouble after all. As you shift with this thought in mind, you draw the attention of Carlos, who shoves Jay lightly; pointing to you.  "What's Y/N Heart doing here? Last time we checked she wasn't part of your crew." Evie interjects, drawing all attention to you. "Well it looks like you are wrong. Clearly, you're all losing your touch." Standing from the table, you begin your bluff by making your way over to Uma and Harry. Staring down your nose at Evie, your nemesis, you notice the core four glare at you in suspicion. If only she knew that her most valued possession was a mere five feet in front of her, stuffed in your pocket with various other knickknacks.  "You wouldn't happen to have it, would you Y/N?" Evie asks as she steps closer to you. Raising your eyebrows, you reply: "Why would I have it? I don't need your hand-me-downs."  From the corner of your eye, see you see Uma's lips rise into a smirk. Somehow this meal has turned into something much more dangerous - something that has seemingly backed you into a corner and forced you to pick a side. Boy, do you hope it's the right side. "See, Mal? None of us have stolen Evie's stupid mirror. Now go and crawl back into the hole you came from." Uma growls, prompting all members of the crew to gravitate towards their weapons. The faces of the core four are grim; yet none of them make a move to oppose Uma and her crew. Of which, you've seemingly become a part of.  "Come on guys," Mal speaks, "there's nothing here but losers. Let's go find some people who are worth our attention."  With that, the core four leave the eatery. Faces still clouded in suspicion and directing entrusting gazes at the pirates. Yet, not one of them look to the actual culprit: you. But as soon as the door swing shuts behind them, Uma does. And where her gaze falls, the other pirates' look too. Unsettling to say the least. "Well I better get going then; let you guys close up shop..." Forcing a smile, you start to back away.  You nearly make it, with your hands stuffed into pockets. Your crafted aura of nonchalance is unravelling with every moment in the pirates' presence. With this knowledge, you quickly make your way over to the door and tug the handle; only it doesn't open. Dread pooling in your stomach, you look up to see Gil - Uma's chief thug after Harry Hook - holding the door shut. "Please Y/N, stay." Uma's order is given with a cruel smirk, as if the final piece in her plan has been enacted perfectly.  Both the thinly veiled threat and the sight of Harry Hook's face arranged in to a ghoulish grin has adrenaline pumping into your veins. It looks like you may have to fight your way out of the eatery. But how can one of you hold off against all of them?  You can't.  "So tell us, Y/N, why did you throw your cards in with us?" Uma asks, "Was it because of a certain mirror, that you stole?"  "Mirror? I don't know what you're talking about!" You scoff, eyes desperately searching for an exit. You freeze as Harry Hook struts towards you, smirk plastered onto his face. The memory of seeing him 'hook' someone playing on loop in your head. If possible, it would be better for you to make it out of the eatery with all of your body intact.  "It wouldn't happen to be this mirror now, would it love?" With a blink, Evie's mirror is dangling between Harry's fingers. Somehow his silver fingers managed to grasp it from your pocket, leaving you with absolutely no other option but to admit to your theft. This day definitely has not gone to plan. "Okay, so maybe I do know what mirror you are talking about. Yeah, I stole it. I'm teaching princess prissy-pants a lesson in humility. You of all people should be thanking me."  "We are." Uma simply says, smirk morphing into a grin. "That takes guts, Y/N. Not just anyone can stand up to Mal and her cronies."  She begins to walk towards you, causing your brows to knit. Whatever is coming, it can't be good. If Uma is anything like your mum, you're about to be hit for impertinence. With this thought in mind, you flinch - yet instead of a fist you get: "I want you to join our crew. Be apart of this family." Uma's eyes are soft as she takes note of the flinch. "Me? Apart of your crew?"  Uma smiles at you, holding her hand outwards.  "All you need to say is yes. We can beat Mal and her cronies together." Here she is, offering you a chance at a family; people who really do care for you. As well as power, respect and a potential home away from your mother. The downside is you loose some aspect of your freedom and become even more of a target than you were before. But then again, this is the Isle of the Lost and anyone is fair game. Hesitantly, you place your hand in hers; with a smile to match.

“I’m in.”

[doof-doofblog]

"I Want To Cash In!"

Tuesday 15th September 2020

Good evening folks! The majority of you will know I've already posted once today, this is going to be my second post of the day following up tonight's episode, so I'm completely up to date with you all! The previous episode (last night's) was a bit of devastating blow for Chantelle, Gray is just finding ways from stopping her leaving, it seems each time she's attempted to leave he's managed to take it one step further and stop her in her path.  

Let's jump right into it, oh my gosh how heartbreaking is the opening scene!!! Chantelle has gone off on a holiday with her family but she has devastatingly had to leave her children behind, she's in the seaside cafe all on her own, staring out the window. All you can hear is the sound of rain against the glass window and the sound of seagulls. She looks like she's lost everything in the world. At the holiday apartment, the rest of the Taylor family are playing games and having fun, Mitch is videoing them to remember the memories, but he is just as miserable, he claims it's the same and as much fun without Chantelle. He can't seem to understand what's bothering his daughter, he decides to leave the fun and goes off to find her.

Back on the Square, Ian is finding every opportunity he can to dodge Max! Pretending to be on the phone and then having to hide behind the door of his house! Sorry, but it's pathetic! Why doesn't Ian just be the bigger man and come clean and just apologise and be truthful about what he's done! He's digging a deeper and deeper hole for himself! Meanwhile, Ruby has gone to visit Martin in the hospital, fantastic news is that he's awake and he's up and out of bed! The main thing he wants to know is if the Police know who it was who attacked him, fortunately for Vinny, Martin didn't see anything! Ruby is completely over the moon to see Martin looking well, so much so that she drops the L-Bomb on him!! But before he gets a chance to reply, he is wheeled off in the other direction. Did Ruby mean to say the L word? Or has she come to realise her true feelings for him during recent events. Another big question is, does Martin feel the same way about her?!

Hmmm, so is Ian actually struggling financially? It's probably understandably that his businesses aren't coping at the moment, possibly due to the current pandemic? But also the fact that he now owes Max some money, will this meeting be the only opportunity he has of getting things under control?

In time, Mitch eventually finds Chantelle. He finds in her the seaside cafe and he comes in tow with a huge elephant teddy for her. It's clear she's been crying, he gently places it on the table in front of her and she scoops it up and holds it as if picking wanting to hold her children ever so tightly. Mitch pulls up a chair and joins his daughter, she is looking so heartbroken and lost. Mitch begins to apologise for not being there for her as much as he should've been, but little does he know that's not the thought that's on his daughter's mind right now. He promises that he'll always be there for her from now on, Chantelle stares at him with tears filling her eyes, he softly asks her the most important question "What's wrong?" ... she sighs and tells him that she's missing her children. Now, of course she is missing her children but she hasn't given her Dad the main reason as to why, she hasn't given him the full story. She claims she just wanted them all to be together, Mitch then takes it upon himself to go back to Walford to collect her kids! Much to Chantelle's shock, but deep down as he goes and promises he won't leave without them, part of me believes she actually has hope that her Dad will return with his Grandchildren. Once again, Chantelle's hopes are lifted at another chance of getting away from Gray, but this is EastEnders - we know what's going to happen, right?!

Meanwhile, in the Vic, Ian is having a meeting with Douglas on his potential chance of becoming a part on the Planning Committee. Sharon is chatting away with Tina about Frankie when Ian enter's the pub. I feel sorry for Sharon really, she is doing everything she can to make it up to Ian. Giving him compliments and speaking highly of him in front of the fellow businessman. Ian is just shutting her down over and over again, not even saying that they're even friends anymore. In all seriousness, Sharon has done nothing wrong! She can't force feelings that she doesn't feel. If there's anyone Ian should be angry with, it's Dotty, for serving him stories and making him believe something that wasn't true. Sharon is literally just wanting her old friend back, but Ian seems to be having none of it! In the cafe, Max is on his phone to someone, does he owe someone money? He make the odd one-liner joke about having to hold Ian upside down and turn his pockets inside out to make sure he gets his money back. I'm sure the longer Ian tries to dodge the bullet and hide from Max, the more suspicious and angry he's going to get! Only, Kathy seems to overhear Max's phone conversation, and says states that he shouldn't be pestering Ian for his money, but Max makes the perfect point and claims that they were businesses partners. Kathy suddenly let's slip "He doesn't need this right now!" ... Bang! Max is suspicious, what did she mean by that?! He moves in closer to her "What has he done with my money, Kathy?!" He knows something isn't right! Kathy stands her ground and doesn't give anything away, she just tells him he'll have to wait, just a little bit longer!

At the Mitchell household, it looks as if Ben has now dragged in Jay to help with getting hold of Danny. I'm quite surprised as Jay has never been one for trouble. He's always stayed clear of Ben and his dodgy deals and gangsters. Jay makes it perfectly clear to Ben that he's not happy about it, he even asks if Phil is aware of Ben's plan. Suddenly, Callum joins them in the room, he can sense that he's walked in on a conversation between them. He asks if everything is okay and Ben assures him that everything is and that Jay is helping him with something. As Jay leaves the room, Callum then also asks Ben if he and Phil are okay with starting a war against Danny? It's a difficult situation for them all to be in, no one wants to get anyone else hurt, but I think that they know that Ben needs to go through with this to clear his name, he really does not want to be going back to prison!

Back at the holiday venue, Chantelle is packing her children's toys in the suitcase. She finds the lucky poke chip that Kheerat gave her and she sighs deeply. Suddenly a knock is heard on her bedroom door and her mother, Karen, appears. Karen sees that Chantelle is already packed and ready to leave. She's shocked to see her daughter packed already before her children have even arrived. Chantelle asks desperately to her Mum whether Mitch has been in touch. Karen confirms to her that Mitch and Chantelle's children are on their way! Chantelle's face is in utter shock! Gray has let them go? Could it be possible that Mitch has persuaded him to let them come? Could this be the last chance she gets of making her escape with the children? There's the tiniest smiles that grows on her face as Karen tells them that they'll be able to enjoy their holiday as family and make some wonderful memories. Chantelle must feel so relieved, she decides to go and buy her children a treat for when they arrive!

On the Square, Ruby is back and giving Kush an update about Martin, everyone seems very relieved to hear that Martin is doing okay. Kat shouts from across the Square that she's managed to pay Kush's rent for his stall! Kush is over the moon and he declares his love for her, as he does so, Ruby looks slightly disappointed - Why didn't Martin say the L word back to her? Does she feel silly for telling him that she loves him? Suddenly Suki approaches her, asking her how Martin is, at first it all seems rather polite but then Suki drops the bomb to Ruby that she knows about the insurance fraud. Ruby is ready to state that it was her son who attacked Martin in the first place, of course Martin is unaware of what actually happened, and Ruby wants to keep it that way. She informs Suki that Vinny is safe, she won't be going to the police and she wont be claiming on the insurance. But what I want to know is, is this going to turn around and hit Ruby where it hurts? Is Martin going to become aware of her and Vinny's plan? Will he blame her for being attacked?!

In the restaurant, Ian is continuing his meeting with Douglas, he's trying to prove a point that he's able to cope in awkward situations. Unfortunately the main thing on the other fella's mind is Sharon. Ian then literally tells him about all her failed relationships, in an attempt to warn him off! Mentioning that she had an affair with her husband's brother, to then Dennis being murdered and then finally - i'm assuming he means, Phil - a gangster?! Or was that somebody else that i'm unaware of?! Anyway, Max finally catches up with Ian, he wants his money and he wants it now! He refuses to leave the building until Ian tells him exactly what's going on! He makes himself known by dragging out a chair and sitting with his arms folded, staring at Ian! I think he knows he can't escape Max now, it's time to tell him the truth!

Oh great! Just what Walford needs, Danny Hardcastle then decides to pull up in the Square. Is he looking for someone? Does he know that the police after him? What an Earth would bring him back to the Square? As he locks his car walks away into the distance, the camera angle moves as if someone is watching him from behind the wall. At first, I thought it was going to be Ben, only Jay appears and shows that he has a screwdriver in his inside coat pocket. Is he going to scratch his car? Or perhaps stab his tyres? I feel sad that Ben has dragged Jay into this, of course Jay would do anything to help his brother out, but surely not in this way?! Ahhh so Danny has come to meet with Ben? Or did he actually believe it was Phil he coming to see?! Danny makes a snide comment saying with Phil not being there, is that his way of apologising?! These two haven't seen each other since that job in Stratford, i'm quite surprised neither of them are putting their fists up. Ben claims that he and his Dad don't owe Danny anything! Ahhh I see, so while Ben and Danny have their little catch up - Jay is planting the stolen money in Danny's car. Danny informs Ben that the money they nicked is traceable, so the police will be all over it! Jay can be seen then trying to close the car boot frantically! At this moment when Danny is walking back to his car, his keys jingling in his hand, I am so worried for Jay as Danny gets closer and closer, Jay is pushing the boot repeatedly trying to get it shut! Luckily he manages to get it shut completely just a few seconds before Danny gets to his car. He quickly walks away and calls the police! Have they really gotten away with setting him up?! My heart was in my mouth when Jay was doing that! I hope to God nothing bad happens to Jay after this!

Back at the restaurant, Max is waiting for Ian to get his money. He appears to be on the phone to a lawyer, of course a fake lawyer! He comes up with a story about his lawyer chasing some thieves and apparently he was attacked on the head. Not realising, as Max points out - that its exactly the same of what happened to Martin! Ian can't play any more games, he knows he's been sussed out. The lies he's building is just getting worse and worse, Max just wants to the truth, he slams the kitchen units, he's had enough of Ian's lies! Ian then states that his money in a high-interest account and he can't get to it quickly because of penalties. Max can't believe what he's hearing, he's devastated that his business partner could do this to him! He gives Ian one last warning, he wants his money by the following week, otherwise Ian is going to be the one needing major surgery! Ian has once again lied his way out of another situation to by him some time to get some money for Max, but in all seriousness - how is he going to get it?!

The Taylor family are still on their holiday, Keegan announces that the children have finally arrived! But they didn't come by train, Mitch appears with luggage and asks where Chantelle, Bernadette informs him that she had gone to buy some doughnuts for the kids. A voice from the hall then echo's the word "Doughnuts!" - Gray has only gone and wormed his way in! Even though the family are all delighted to see him, we know Chantelle is going to be scared and worried and stuck yet again. Karen makes a comment "Chantelle is going to be so happy to see you!", he has a really smug grin on his face as he replies to her that he didn't want to miss out on the family fun! Ooooo Gray is just getting darker and darker, his anger at Chantelle is getting worse and worse and her fear of him is just growing and growing. It's still SO devastating that the Taylor family have no idea what's been going on behind closed doors, which I think is going to make Chantelle's death far more devastating and heart-wrenching to watch.

After his encounter with Max, Ian makes his way back to the Vic. He pulls Sharon to one side, she's asks him how the meeting went, trying to be the best supportive friend she can be. But it looks as if Ian is tired of feeling let down, because his heart has been broken, yet again, he's taking it out on his friend! He claims to her that if it wasn't for him she wouldn't have the pub! He decides to make it perfectly clear to her that the pub is his business alone, she is just his employee. Sharon knows that he is saying this out of spite, just because she doesn't feel the same way about him. He's angry, he's upset, he's embarrassed so he wants to have the upper hand! He's wanting to feel powerful! He warns her that he going to be setting her some targets, and if she doesn't meet them he will find someone else to run the pub! Sharon can barely believe her ears, she has always told Ian how grateful she has been to him over the past few months, he took her in when she had nowhere to go, he comforted her when Dennis died, of course we know it was out of guilt, but now saying he could potentially make her homeless is such a horrible curve-ball! Will she ever be able to find a way to make it up to him? Will Ian finally come to his senses and realise he's in the wrong?!

The last scene of tonight's episode, Chantelle is seen in the seaside cafe buying her children their treats. Its the first time we've seen her happy in a long time. She makes a phone call, it's Kheerat she calls, she's sounding so relieved and so happy. Its the first time we've seen her smile in a long time! She believes her children are on the way to her and she can finally find some happiness with Kheerat, she assures him that everything is fine and he has no reason to worry. She then says that she's ready, she's ready to cash in! Little does she know that Gray has been stood behind her, listening to her conversation. How is he going to know what "Cash in" means? This is going to be the thing that rages him more than anything! He believes his wife is having an affair, even though we know nothing has happened between Chantelle and Kheerat yet, it's going to be the first thing that jumps into his head! Is this what makes Gray lose his temper with Chantelle so much that it comes to the point he commits murder?!

As the episode gets closer of Chantelle's death, the more worried and scared I am of how it's going to happen. I truly believe it's going to be a devastating, harrowing episode. I do believe some viewers will find it incredibly hard to watch, the past few episodes I've been getting very nervous for Chantelle as I know what's coming, but seeing it all unfold - all the events leading up to her death and hearing the news of the aftermath of her death. It's going to be very hard viewing! I know I've said it once, but I can't praise Jessica Plummer and Toby-Alexander Smith high enough! Their performances have been phenomenal this week!

I hope you're all preparing yourself for what the next few episodes hold. It's going to be a tough few days that's for sure! I hope you've all enjoyed reading, thank you all for taking your time to read through my blog. It really does mean the world! Enjoy the rest of your week and i'll be back very soon! Love you all xXx

[raelikestoramble]

prompt for ben and callum - something soft, like a first date or something? callum plans it all (feels he needs to to prove how much ben means to him) something like that... or anything really, you’re a great writer! ☺️

AN: Thank you so much for the compliment and the prompt! I’m sorry it took me so long to finish it x I’m not 100% happy with it but hope you enjoy anyway! This is set in a fluffy, not so distant future where Ben and Callum are together and everything’s out in the open x

Blame it on the hopeless romantic in him, but Callum knew that he had to make every effort to impress for his and Ben’s first official date. They had both been through so much to get to the point where they could be out and open with the world and Callum had a point to prove – he had to show Ben just much he cared for him; how grateful he was for all the ways in which Ben saved him.

He had spent hours one evening days ago planning, researching restaurants, scrolling through endless reviews, agonising over his choices… That is until Ben got slightly frustrated with the lack of attention, pushed away his laptop to pepper warm, teasing kisses onto his neck, and, well… Callum’s mind was suddenly elsewhere.

He was kicking himself, now, for allowing Ben to so easily distract him – booking a table in a fine, top London restaurant last minute was proving to be no easy feat for Callum. Nestled away in the corner of the café, nursing a lukewarm cup of tea, Callum had already made a couple of calls, both ending exactly the same way.

“You’ve got to be joking…” Callum mumbled under his breath, angling the phone away from himself, before pressing it back to his ear.

“So, you’re… totally sure you guys are fully booked?” he asked, chewing on his bottom lip, just hard enough to break the skin. Upon the waiter’s sympathetic confirmation, a gentle sigh escaped Callum’s lips and he nodded sombrely.

“Oh, yeah, no worries. Thank you,” Callum said, ending the call swiftly.

Warmth flared up in Callum’s cheeks. Before he could bury his face in his hands, he was distracted by the appearance of a fresh cup of coffee on his table.

“Oh, um, I didn’t order this…” he trailed off as he glanced up to see Kathy smiling down at him.

“Oh, Kathy, hi!” Callum gushed, perking up immediately.

“Hi, Callum, love,” came Kathy’s comforting voice, as she gestured to the coffee cup. “I thought you could use a little bit of a pick me up.”

She slid into the seat opposite Callum, cradling her own mug, offering a small, sympathetic smile. While he and Ben hadn’t been together officially for a long time, Kathy had made her way into Callum’s affections instantly.

When the truth came out, hearts were broken, sides were chosen, and Kathy had been one of their strongest and only supporters. It had felt like his whole world was imploding; like his image had been shattered, with cruel judgements and whispers being passed around the square for entertainment. Kathy had been there to remind him that he wasn’t bad. She understood - she had seen first-hand what abuse, fear, and expectations did to her own son.

“Thanks,” he whispered, flashing her a quick, grateful smile as he brought the cup to his lips to have a sip.

Callum stopped still, blinking, as he remembered his manners. He quickly retrieved his wallet from his pocket, looking for the right amount of change.

“Oh, don’t!” Kathy interjected, a fond laugh escaping her. “It’s only two pounds, Callum.”

“Oh, well. Thanks so much,” he repeated.

Even though he knew that Kathy liked him – and him and Ben together – Callum still couldn’t help but try too hard. Around her, he would be overly polite, uncomfortably quiet, and Ben loved to tease him for it. After he’d made Callum blush from the light-hearted teasing, Ben would snake his arms around Callum’s waist, kissing the back of his neck, assuring him that he was ‘absolutely the type of man a mother would love.’

Callum glanced out the window, cringing at his own awkwardness; seeking escape in watching usual activity of the square. He could always get lost in watching all the different types of people coming and going. In his line of sight, Martin and Kush were laughing together, with Kush throwing his arm around Martin’s shoulder.

Kathy cleared her throat, bringing back Callum’s attention. He smiled sheepishly, taking another sip from his coffee.

“So… penny for your thoughts?” she questioned gently.

Callum exhaled heavily, lips forming a small pout.

“It’s nothing… I just… well,” he mumbled, fiddling with ends of his sleeves, “I really wanted to plan something special for Ben tonight. We’ve had a lot on, and y’know how time gets away from ya… it’s been a while now and we still haven’t had real, proper date.”

Callum bit down on his lip, unsure if he should really be admitting his failure to Ben’s mum, but he needed help and he couldn’t think of many people who knew Ben better – Jay was one, but he was otherwise occupied with Lola.

“Aw, Cal,” Kathy cooed, grinning wide. “Whatever you plan, I’m sure he’s going to love it.”

Although a faint smile appeared on his face, Callum remained unconvinced, his gaze dropping to the table. Would Ben even want all the fuss? Or would he think it’s too much?

“That’s just the thing, though. I ain’t got one. A plan, I mean. All these dead fancy restaurants are fully booked,” Callum admitted, rubbing the side of his face.

“Hm… well, dead fancy restaurants are nice and all… but that’s not your only option.”

“Well, yeah, but…” he trailed off, biting on his fingernail.

Truth be told, Callum wanted romance and his knowledge of romance was limited mostly to 90s rom coms starring Hugh Grant and or Julia Roberts. The big dinner date – that was the peak of it all – sneaking soft glances under candlelight, fine dining and suits, being engrossed in conversation, before the perfect walk home together. That’s what he wanted for him and Ben. That’s what Ben deserved.

“I guess I just want him to know how much this means to me,” he admitted sheepishly, not meeting her gaze.

Kathy placed her hand on his arm, eyes shining.

“He knows. I think you underestimate how much you mean to him. I don’t think I’ve seen Ben this happy since…” Kathy caught herself, forcing a quick smile. “Well, in a long time.”

Callum’s shoulders slumped in relief, a small smile playing on his lips. He felt light all of a sudden – the tension flowing from his body as he leant back in his seat.

“Yeah?” he asked quietly, stifling a grin.

“Yeah. Just don’t overthink it, Callum. You’ll be fine.”

The hours went by agonisingly slowly for Callum. It was a relief when he managed to get off work early with Jay waving a hand, telling him he could finish up by himself.

“You’re the best, mate!” Callum had shouted as he made a beeline for the door.

“You owe me a pint!” came the jovial reply.

“Two pints! I’ll buy ya two!” he promised quickly, practically flying out of the door to the sound of Jay’s laughter.

He only had a limited time to set things up before Ben came home. After getting changed out of his suit, he made a list of everything on his phone, just so he wouldn’t forget a single detail. He decided on filling up a basket with their favourite foods and some champagne - to take a bit of the fanciness he’d originally wanted with them to a nice park outside of the square.

“Alright… all done,” he said, stepping back to admire the selection of goods in the basket, racking his brain for anything he missed. Nope – nothing.

It wasn’t quite the glamorous night he had planned – it was lowkey and more subtle, but the more that he thought about it, the more suitable for them it sounded. Finally pushing the doubts aside, Callum allowed himself to feel excited, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, looking down at his watch, anticipating.

Any moment now.

“Hey, Cal! You won’t believe what Lexi did today. She really is my daughter. I… Cal?” Ben called from inside the kitchen.

“In here!” Callum responded cheerily, waiting by the dining table, the basket positioned just behind him.

Ben’s expression softened into a warm smile as he sauntered up to Callum, gripping the lapels of his suit, pulling his body flush against his. He gently grazed his lips against Callum’s. Callum felt his breathing quicken; the goose-bumps form instantly on his arms. No amount of time that passed had done anything to lessen the impact Ben had on him.

“Hi,” Ben said simply, his gaze slowly trickling down Callum’s body, taking in the sight as though they had been apart much longer than one workday. His smile subtly shifted into a smirk and, suddenly, Callum’s mind was at a blank. His eyes lingered on Ben’s lips, transfixed, until he leant in and closed the space between them again – this time, for a lot longer.

“Hi,” Callum breathed, as he finally pulled away.

“Mm… what was I saying?” Ben asked.

“Um…” Callum blanked.

Ben cocked a brow, before they both erupted into a small burst of laughter. Ben rubbed the back of his head in a sheepish manner. Callum loved this side of Ben – it was a rare sight - so he revelled in it for a moment longer, letting a comfortable pause pass between them.

“What’s that?” Ben asked, swallowing thickly, as he caught sight of the basket.

Callum grinned, leaning back from Ben, feeling a newfound confidence coursing through him.

“Mm, just a little thing I put together,” Callum announced, voice an inch lower than usual, moving to stand straight. “Go get changed. I’m taking you out… but pick something nice but casual.”

Surprise flickered across Ben’s features.

“Sir, yes, sir,” Ben drawled teasingly before half jogging up the stairs.

The walk was light and breezy. Callum still wasn’t used to the looks they would get in public together, how he felt far more seen, even by strangers, when he was with Ben, but the feeling of Ben’s hand in his chased away any fear. He could feel all his worries about impressing Ben slowly fade away as they discussed all the small details of their days, with Ben fondly recalling Lexi’s latest antics at school; Callum beaming at the pride in Ben’s voice. It sent a wave of warmth through Callum – he could see Ben breaking the cycle; being the dad that they both didn’t have.

As they reached the park, Callum laid down a blanket for them both, setting out the plates, food, and glasses for the bubbly, which he quickly opened and, naturally, spilt onto his shirt.

“Aha, brilliant. Ah… um, right. Right. Where’d I put the napkins?” Callum mumbled, his cheeks flushed red, as he scoured through the basket for the napkins. After quickly dabbing at his shirt, he poured the two glasses with shaking hands. Just like that – his nerves were back. He felt like a bloody teenager.

He felt a hand on his, stabilising him. Blinking, Callum looked up to see Ben leaning over, face close to his.

“You okay?” Ben asked in a soft, low voice that sent shivers up Callum’s spine.

“Sorry. Yeah. I just… I wanted this all to be perfect and I’m already messing up—”

“This ain’t messing up,” Ben interrupted, gesturing to the damp patch on Callum’s shirt. He leant back, glass in hand. “Callum, this whole thing is amazing.”

A beat.

“You’re amazing… and I wish you’d realise it,” he added, eyes darting to the ground.

Callum let out a breath, allowing Ben’s words to wash over him. Amazing. That’s what Ben thought of him – in these small, vulnerable moments Ben gave him, he believed it. He believed in the good that Ben could see in him. He tried to suppress a smile, but he failed, allowing a grin so wide that it hurt to hold to emerge.

“Well…” He eased up his crushing grip on the glass, offering it out to Ben. “To an amazing first date, then.”

Ben let out a shaky exhale as the serious atmosphere was broken, clinking his glass against Callum’s.

“Cheers,” Ben said, taking a sip.

“Cheers,” Callum echoed.

“Hope you’re hungry,” he added, taking into sight the very generous selection on offer. He may have gone a tad overboard.

Ben laughed – brightly; full of fondness. As Ben was shaking his head in amusement, Callum nudged his knee with his own.

“Oi… what’s so funny?” Callum asked gently.

“I just… if someone had told me, months ago, that I’d be sat here, with Callum Highway, in a park on this elaborate picnic date… I would’ve called them mad.”

“Trust me. I would’ve said the same,” Callum retorted playfully.

“I just dunno how someone like me has bagged such a hopeless romantic,” Ben said after a pause, placing his glass aside.

“If you think this is me being a hopeless romantic… you should wait to see what I have planned for dessert.”

“Oh yeah?” Ben asked, waggling his eyebrows.

“Yeah, we’re gonna stop by this proper little ice cream parlour. It’s got, like, loads of crazy flavours apparently,” he gushed – not at all picking up on Ben’s slight flicker of bemusement.

“Well. Not what I expected, but sounds great, Callum,” Ben responded, holding back a laugh.

Callum could be so innocent at times – Ben observed it with wonder. The world hadn’t been kind to Callum, but he had still managed to retain such a softness; one that had been almost completely snuffed out of Ben years ago. He cringed when he thought back to when he used to take advantage of that naivety. Now, he would protect him with everything he had.

“I was thinking I could bring an ice cream back for Lexi. Reckon she’d love that, don’t you?” Callum asked, breaking him out of the line of thought.

Lately, Callum been trying to get more involved in Lexi’s life – another sign that things were progressing, growing into a more serious terrority. These little gestures here and there meant a lot to Ben, he could tell.

“Yeah,” Ben said, brightening up completely. “Yeah, she would. But even with all those flavours on offer, she’d always go for…”

“Mint chocolate. I remember,” Callum said softly.

They shared a small smile.

Callum knew, for sure in that moment, that this – them, together, basking in the sun, enjoying life’s simplicities – was worth it all. He would go through everything again countless times just to end up here.

[imstillabiggay]

Day 29 (All Time Low - Jon Bellion)

(tw for suicide attempt (kind of))

i’ve been trying to fix my pride, but that shits broken

Ben hadn’t felt this way in a long time. The depression that he had endured after Paul had been one of the most physically draining things he had ever had to deal with. Everything had hurt all of the time and there was no escaping it, that’s why he had left the square. Leaving meant a new, fresh start, it meant no pitying glances or falsified apologies. He was free to try and work on himself, to try and get over the abundance of hurt that he was feeling at the time.

After a while, he had picked himself up and dusted himself off and had returned back to the square. When he first came back, his mental health had been at its peak. The general anxiety that thrummed through his body was nothing more than a little niggle in the back of his mind and the depression had almost completely faded. All in all, he was feeling a lot better than he had and he promised himself he wouldn’t let anything slip him up again.

The last thing he was expecting to mess with his mind was the new boy-next-door. At first it had been nothing but a bit of fun. Ben found out Callum’s dirty little secret and teasing was something that entertained Ben, watching Callum fidget and squirm beneath him, knowing he had complete and utter control of the situation, it had been amusing to say the least. The novelty didn’t last for too long. Before Ben could even realise what was happening, he had caught feelings for the man. Actual, genuine feelings. A longing sort of adoration that he hadn’t felt since Paul.

Of course, it all went down hill from there. Ben watched as Callum convinced the entire square, and more importantly convinced himself, that he was in love with Whitney. As the days went by, Ben grew more and more fed up with the whole situation. The desire still spurred in Ben’s chest, curled up and clinging tightly like it refused to let go no matter how hard Ben tried to shake it off. Realistically, Ben knew he hadn’t a chance in hell with Callum, but it didn’t mean his gut didn’t twist with displeasure every time he watched Callum kiss his new wife.

It soon got to the point where Ben couldn’t turn a corner without being reminded of Callum, Whitney or the wedding in one way or another, whether it was as discrete as a forgotten balloon being dragged about by the wind or as blatant as the pair walking around the square hand in hand. Either way, Ben was quite sick of it.

That was why he decided to take his car up west for the day and finally spend his time not fretting about a man that he was no longer supposed to care about. The drinking hadn’t been part of the plan, not really. Ben had simply saw an open bar and walked in without a second thought, letting himself get lost in the sea of bodies and alcohol, finally feeling something other than pure exhaustion.

Ben wasn’t drunk enough to realise that driving home was a stupid, idiotic move, but he was drunk enough not to care. As he sat there behind the wheel, taking deep and calculated breaths in order to try and soothe his protesting stomach, Ben wondered for a moment. Would he care even if he was sober? If sober-Ben was in the car with him right now, would he stop himself? Or would he let it happen, just to feel exhilarated, to stop feeling so drained? Ben scoffed and started the car.

He couldn’t say what happened. Maybe he fell asleep behind the wheel. Maybe he saw the truck coming and did nothing to stop it. All Ben knew was that the burn that spread through every inch of his body as his car flipped and tumbled across the motorway was way worse than any pain that Callum could ever inflict on him.

When he woke up, it was with a slight grunt, the hospital lights too bright and the thrumming pain all over was far too intense. People were going to ask questions, questions Ben didn’t feel like answering. Then again, maybe they wouldn’t ask, they’d just assume he was being his stupid self again and that would be the end of it. Nobody ever asked.

“Ben?” Another grunt in response. It was Callum, he knew that much. Ben had been expecting Jay, his mum or even his dad, anybody but Callum, who happened to be the last person Ben wanted to speak to.

“Where’s Whitney?” Ben managed to hiss out as he tried to push himself up. Callum moves at a speed Ben had never seen before to shove lightly at his shoulder until he lay back down again. Ben glared.

“You’re real banged up. Concussion and god knows what else. You ain’t supposed to make fast movements,” Callum muttered in response, managing to at least look sheepish whilst pressing the control on the bed to make it raise slightly. Ben’s glare never once deterred. An awkward silence settled over the pair of them, nothing but the gentle, muted sounds of a nurses tray rattling around and the harsh coughs from other patients filling the room. It sounded a lot like death. “Why’d you do it?” Callum asked eventually. Ben’s eyes practically rolled into the back of his skull. Callum made it sound way worse than it was.

“I hit an all time low, I guess,” Ben muttered. A sarcastic comment was on the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t be bothered for another silly little argument with Callum. Ben had meant what he said, Callum wasn’t with the hassle. If only his heart would catch up and get the memo.

“I’m sorry,” Callum whispered, picking loosely at his pants. “This hasn’t changed anything, you know? I’m still with Whitney, I still love Whitney. I just don’t want you getting upset or angry over it. I thought we could talk again? You deserve closure,” Callum sounded pathetic. Even he must’ve heard how pitiful his voice sounded, surely.

“Why are you here? If you’re so sure that you don’t care about me, that what we have isn’t like what you and Whitney have, then why are you here fawning over me like some mother-hen? Does Whitney know you’re here?” Ben demanded, exasperated. They had the same conversations over and over again, yet not a single word of them rang true. “This wasn’t a cry for help. It wasn’t me being suicidal or whatever dumb shit you’re making up. It was a stupid, drunken mistake. Just like we were, huh?” Ben snorted, shaking his head once.

Callum looked genuinely hurt by Ben’s words for a split second before standing up and walking out with one more whisper of ‘I’m sorry’. He hadn’t a single right to be hurt.

Ben wasn’t entirely sure what the man kept apologising for, nor he was certain about who Callum was apologising to. Sure, he had fucked with Ben’s emotions, had left him feeling worn out, like he’d just lost a war, but more importantly, Callum had signed himself up for a life of lying and misery. In Ben’s opinion, Callum should be apologising to himself first and foremost.

After all, nobody deserved to live a life of lying and misery. Nobody deserved to live the life Callum was about to.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & James

Ava: It's probably a lost cause Ava: but I lost my bracelet when we went out Ava: I remember having it in the first club but not after that Ava: If you're in the 2nd again, could you ask? Ava: No doubt it's long gone but James: I'll ring, I know the owner James: but I'll need a description, I don't remember what it looks like Ava: Thanks Ava: [sends picture like oh hey remember this face] James: [a long enough pause for him to have been trying to find this bracelet everywhere and she probably thinks he's fucked off] James: sorry, no joy Ava: Oh, no worries Ava: Cheers anyway, like James: did you go anywhere after? James: you could've had it on longer than you think Ava: I've already rang Kings, in case I left it in the dorm or something but no luck there either James: none with uber either James: kept me on hold for ages to let me know they don't have it Ava: Ugh, sorry Ava: Don't worry any more on it, it isn't sentimental or anything like that James: it was kind of a helping hand honestly, youngest liked the music they played, a very impromptu lullaby from an unexpected source Ava: Well, who knew hold music was good for anything but rage quits Ava: Unless they're now having a really angry nap James: 😂 James: that'll more likely be me later Ava: If you're lucky, yeah? James: if it hasn't run out Ava: Surely not James: they've both got some kind of hangover detector James: I'm sure you can imagine Ava: I've spent enough time with my nephew to know Ava: No sympathy from a toddler James: indeed Ava: Look, I don't know if I should even bring it back up but I'm sorry for how things went down that night James: I don't get caught up in regrets, remember Ava: I remember Ava: But I didn't Ava: I don't have bad intentions or anything, that's not me James: you've not struck me as someone who does Ava: How do I strike you? James: It was agreed I'd need longer than an evening to answer that Ava: I suppose Ava: First impressions can still be a thing James: it was a good first impression Ava: I'm glad James: but you're also sorry? Ava: I can't be both? James: you can Ava: So, you aren't sorry Ava: but are you glad? James: I can't be Ava: Yeah Ava: that's why I can't not be sorry James: It's me who should be sorry Ava: That's up to you Ava: if you don't do regrets you don't James: my actions don't only affect me Ava: I know Ava: Well, you won't get any trouble from me, like I said, not about that James: there's a line drawn under it James: you won't get any from me either James: [lies because you know he's bought her a replacement bracelet so she'll literally get that like the next day, boy we see you okay] Ava: Okay James: it was fun while it lasted, don't beat yourself up any harder James: the big glasses were cute but you shouldn't have to keep them on indefinitely Ava: Jesus Ava: Don't you know you're meant to pretend you didn't see that James: but walking around with your eyes & mouth closed all the time is very exhausting & I haven't had my nap yet Ava: I also have no sympathy for you, idiot James: I think you have some, but I don't blame you for not wanting to give it to me Ava: Nope, none Ava: I promise Ava: no space in my head James: oh Ava James: you have my sympathies, in that case Ava: Don't James: you don't want them? Ava: Let's say I don't do sympathies James: understood James: they are easy to get weighed down in Ava: and so rarely sincere James: it's reminiscent of wearing wet clothes, people only really want you to take them off in order to spare themselves the puddles James: they ask you if you're cold but they care about their floors Ava: Exactly Ava: and floors are more important 'round here Ava: and anything resembling sincerity is as unsightly as a damp mark on your new carpet James: the content I'll require for my English degree is writing itself Ava: Is that what you want to do, really? James: it's a question that'll get answered as often as it's asked Ava: How often do you get told what you want then James: daily at least Ava: How often does it come close James: it has yet to Ava: Oh James James: you don't do sympathies James: please never change on my account Ava: It could be empathy James: but is it? Ava: We'd need another night James: how many more bracelets have you got to lose? Ava: 😂 Ava: What kind of Chelsea girl do you take me for? James: you heard me say it was a good first impression Ava: 😏 I'd take a bow but can't risk losing any more jewels today James: we'll pretend you really did Ava: If that's what you're into, II James: what kind of Kensington boy do you take me for? Ava: Won't be the first to have a #scandal James: no trouble, need I remind you Ava: Just hypothetical, obviously James: you just hypothetically wanna know what I'm into? Ava: I just hypothetically hit the nail on the head James: if that's what you think, Ava Ava: Go on then Ava: Are you even gonna hypothetically tell the truth though? James: where's a hypothetical lie getting me? Ava: Away from hypothetical shame if it's weird shit Ava: I'm not one for hypothetical judgment though James: I'm not one for hypothetical shame Ava: Soooo Ava: 👀 James: I don't know, truthfully James: I'd need a whole hypothetical life, I suppose Ava: Fair Ava: It's a pretty bait question anyway James: you have an answer though, I can tell Ava: Singular? Ava: How rude James: 😂 James: because one leads to another not because you're hypothetically uninteresting Ava: Yeah, that's right Ava: about to be so hypothetically fuming James: you can have as many hypothetical apologies as you have interests, okay? Ava: No need to change on my behalf, however hypothetical James: what makes you think a personality change would be required Ava: Apologies are awful close to regret James: I'm not saying them to myself Ava: Try it out then Ava: See if I'm into it James: I'm really sorry I had to leave Ava: Me too Ava: but I don't think I'm about it, so you don't need to mention it again James: if you don't want me to, I won't Ava: I figure you owe enough sorries to more important people Ava: I'm good, honest James: I'm happy to hear it James: & not looking to mess anything up for you, hypothetically or actually Ava: I know Ava: You haven't Ava: it isn't my business so you know, no obligation to answer Ava: but why did you get married so young? James: because I had a baby to raise that young Ava: Yeah James: I wanted to do something that would actually help, at least shut up our parents because there was no silencing all the horrible things everyone else was saying James: It wasn't fair to treat her suddenly like public enemy number 1, not for that Ava: That makes sense Ava: I can see the logic James: It was a mistake we both made, I couldn't just leave her to it James: but I don't know, maybe we'd have both been better off if we'd approached it differently James: as parents but not a couple Ava: Well, it isn't permanent Ava: You can still do that Ava: Co-parent, that's not leaving her to it James: She won't let that happen Ava: It won't be easy Ava: It's weighing up if the now is worse than how invariably shit divorce is James: every time I try to leave I'm not allowed to see or speak to them until I go back James: she gets everyone on her side, including my parents Ava: If you go through official avenues, she won't just be able to do that Ava: She can't say you're unfit because you're not Ava: That's so shit and Ava: not right James: but she'll get my daughter to say that she hates me & doesn't wanna see me by telling her that's what I'm saying, I know she'll turn them both against me long before anything gets officially sorted out James: last time I walked out she told Jay so many things that aren't true Ava: She'd say that to a kid? Ava: Her kid? Ava: what's wrong with her James: I've given up trying to figure out everything that is Ava: You can't do this forever Ava: You deserve better Ava: you don't get to fuck someone over because you have a kid with them, imagine it reversed, how much of a bad guy you'd be then, it's no different just because she's the mum James: I'll send them both away to school when they're older, but for now I have to do this Ava: How do you do it Ava: How have you lasted this long, never mind how long that will be James: I see my children every day, it makes everything else bearable James: & I know they need that Ava: Yeah Ava: They're the most important thing Ava: but you matter as well, you can't Ava: I don't know James: for better or worse, right? Ava: You don't get to pick one each though, like James: I made my bed, Ava James: everyone told me not to marry her but I did Ava: 'cos you thought it was the right thing Ava: it shouldn't function as a lifelong punishment James: I never thought it was right James: I just wanted to be a better dad than I've got James: & that was the only way she'd let me Ava: That's a good reason Ava: even if it turned out not to be the best idea James: bad ideas have been around longer than she has James: I can't remember when I last had a good one James: I'd have been younger than you Ava: It's hard to make them when you have to commit to the worst, like Ava: you've gotta do something for you Ava: just 'cos you wanna Ava: or you'll lose it James: I will if you'll meet me for coffee James: I wanna see you again Ava: Okay Ava: I'd like to see you too James: tomorrow? Ava: I can do that Ava: What time, I have lunch at 1 or I can do after 5 James: lunch works Ava: Cool Ava: Looking forward to it James: I am too Ava: 😊 James: [when you're gonna have to go so far away for your date so you don't get spotted lol] Ava: [honestly should defs say its a school day so you ain't getting back for afternoon classes but that's not so wild anyone is like hello??? but start the sneaking as you mean to go on] James: [literally gonna spend half her lunch break on-route in the car cos London so we gotta but at least we can say it's an uber mood again so he's not driving] Ava: [I'll do some before 'cos like is he gonna show nerves] Ava: We still on for lunch time? James: nothing else has come up Ava: 👍 Ava: I'll book my ride James: I'll pick you up Ava: Are you sure? James: sure that we don't need 2 separate ubers going to the same place? yes Ava: fair point Ava: but I'll definitely get the coffees then James: no you won't Ava: The post came before I left this morning Ava: you really didn't have to do that Ava: but you did, so I can definitely get you a latte or whatever your particular shade of coffee is James: I didn't want leave you bracelet-less & me close to having a regret James: so I kind of did have to Ava: Well, when you put it like that Ava: thank you, it was one of my favourites actually Ava: didn't wanna push for that regret too hard though James: now you won't have to Ava: The coffee being bitter over the company definitely sounds like a better plan James: you don't have to order coffee, you know Ava: I'll probably get an iced drink of some description Ava: ☀🥵 James: too much sunbathing between classes? Ava: 😏 Ava: I'm sure the dons would say any is too much Ava: but I'm still pretty pale James: I'm correcting that to still pretty Ava: Gonna look like a 🍅 now James: who doesn't like 🍅? James: bloody marys are fantastic for one Ava: Now I know you have good taste James: in drinks at least Ava: and 🍅s thank you James: potentially everything but wives & uni courses Ava: Don't make me laugh because it's definitely not funny James: but hypothetically how smitten would I be if you did laugh? Ava: Oh, head over heels, of course Ava: like 👼s singing James: I thought so Ava: Don't wanna hypothetically disappoint James: it's not even hypothetically possible Ava: Your level of hypothetical trust is cute James: your level of hypothetical modesty is unnecessary Ava: Fine, but it's your fault when I don't fit my hypothetical hat James: I'll buy you a bigger one James: hypothetically Ava: You going to hypothetically redress me piece by piece? James: I'm not falling into the trap of you thinking I'm saying I need to James: there's nothing wrong with how you dress Ava: I'm not even hypothetically that sly Ava: Straightforward and to the point, yeah? James: it's what I like about you Ava: You're pretty good at it yourself James: game playing has never got me anywhere I want to be Ava: Games rely too much on chance and luck for my liking Ava: someone has to lose James: precisely James: as much as I'd potentially hate losing to you less than I would to lots of other people, it's still better as a hypothetical Ava: No games, I promise James: I'm taking that to also mean no more pool at the vault & you can't stop me Ava: 😱 Ava: You're really going to make me enroll just to get back in that VIP venue? Ava: Rude James: 😂 James: seeing you every day would be fun but putting fun ahead of all things academic gets you where I currently am in life James: I can't do that to you, even hypothetically Ava: You can hypothetically follow me for your next course Ava: I'm a great study buddy James: unless you're going abroad somewhere to study Ava: Unless you count SE as abroad Ava: lord knows many of our peers do 🙄 James: in that case, following you sounds close to a good idea Ava: 🤏 Ava: I'll find a way to hypothetically swing it Ava: the world needs your writing, II James: I've never been more devastated to have a job waiting for me that isn't strictly hypothetical Ava: I's doing, I suppose Ava: What are you going do instead of write your great novel about me? James: you'll have to look out for my self published works written by night under an obvious pseudonym Ava: I will Ava: Will you sign my copy? James: of course James: under your printed dedication Ava: I'll have to think of an excellent pseudonym myself James: can you do 1 other, simpler thing for me before then? Ava: I'm sure I can? James: order for me something you like James: I don't know what I want Ava: I like a challenge Ava: Okay James: do you want me to tell you if I don't share the liking of it or not? Ava: 'Course Ava: 'cos I need to find you something you do like James: if time doesn't run out Ava: We can have more lunches too Ava: as well as evenings James: that'd be good James: I'd hate to only see you in the dark Ava: That's mutual James: if I wrote us meeting exclusively at night everyone would assume I'd decided on a vampire novel James: so I'm happy to hear it Ava: I think its making a comeback Ava: and I'd definitely buy you as an Edward Cullen type James: I have no clue if I should be flattered or offended Ava: A potentially complex issue, a complex character beyond the sparkles Ava: I just meant you'd be eligible for dreamboat status James: you're saying I should make a detour to buy the book or download the film to my phone right now or I shouldn't? Ava: Will we have time to watch it together is the real question Ava: Because I have to pop your 🍒 James: is it a 90 minutes is all you need kind of film or 3 hours of lingering close ups? Ava: 126 James: I can do that Ava: Yeah? James: skipping a lecture I have no desire to be in to further my hypothetical masterpiece of a novel in the early stages of its development, that's a fantastic idea Ava: 💡 Ava: Was bound to have one eventually Ava: Let's do it then James: you're claiming not to have had any before now? Ava: In my life, obviously Ava: but with you? 'close to a good idea' is as close as I've got so far James: I won't deny you the opportunity to get closer then Ava: Thank you Ava: You can find out if it's only hypothetical that I'm unable to disappoint James: I feel like I already know that Ava: You've had a taste Ava: but you can have more Ava: if you want it James: I do Ava: Okay Ava: Good James: but it's never going to be as simple as words like okay or good Ava: It could be Ava: I'm not saying all the time Ava: or even that we can always give 126 minutes to it Ava: but whatever we can James: you can't say all the time because I can't ever give you all the time James: I can't give you any more gifts or regular dates or even selfies Ava: I know that Ava: I'm not asking for any of that James: but you should James: because you're free to do whatever you want with whoever you want Ava: Exactly James: why this? Ava: because you need somebody Ava: and I like you James: oh Ava Ava: It is as simple as that James: I'll try that out, see if I can believe it Ava: I know nothing else is but Ava: why not Ava: I want to and you don't need to buy that or promise time you haven't got James: for as long as you want to then Ava: for as long as you need me then James: no because James: my life isn't going to change Ava: James James: you don't know what she's like but I know everything she's ever done or is likely to do Ava: People like that don't stop, I know that Ava: they have to be stopped James: there's no stopping her Ava: Well there's no stopping me either and I'm on your side James: you don't need this Ava: I told you, I like you Ava: I won't just turn my back on you James: I can have this car turned around, you don't have to do anything Ava: Of course I don't have to Ava: and neither do you, not with me Ava: you don't owe me anything, I'm just telling you how it is for me Ava: and I want to see you James: I want to see you too, more than when I originally said it Ava: Good Ava: Then don't turn around, yeah? James: I always do the wrong thing, I don't want to, to you James: so if you don't want me to turn around, I won't Ava: I want you to do what you want, that's all Ava: even if that was turning around, which, undeniably, would be shit but I'd survive Ava: but you wanna come, I'm almost 100% James: understood Ava: Okay Ava: I've got a great urge to tell you I'm not insane but that makes me sound more so so I'll just Ava: 😶 James: you haven't once struck me as being & I have some experience, as it were Ava: That's alright then Ava: It's a comparison I don't need, you either, I'm sure James: just don't insist I marry you & it won't ever need to be made Ava: Easy Ava: Got my word James: if only I had your skill at losing jewellery Ava: It is a talent, definitely; but unteachable? Nah James: now you've got a great urge to teach me something James: okay Ava: So many whims, only so much time Ava: Lucky I'm an excellent teacher James: very novel protagonist-esque, honestly James: you're earning your page space Ava: If fictional me gets slated as dull I'll have to change my pseudonym and run away James: you couldn't be hypothetically dull if you actually tried James: never mind close to anything else Ava: You always know just what to say yet I still believe it sincere James: it is sincere James: from the kings head shaving horror stories until now Ava: I'm confident believing it, and you Ava: because boys who always know what to say always say the wrong things James: maybe 126 minutes later I will have Ava: That's okay Ava: a mix of right and wrong Ava: that's real Ava: anything other and you're definitely up to something Ava: 😇 or 😈 either way James: I gave you a real tour the moment you asked for it, that's 😇 Ava: It felt it James: I'm not going to leave in the middle this time James: strictly end credits Ava: Don't promise Ava: that's practically begging fate James: well that's the last thing I want, my lips are sealed Ava: Your lips are Ava: 😈 James: if that means yours have to be described as 😇 I'm fine with it Ava: See? Ava: You're too good with words James: they're a very prominent feature, I couldn't help but notice Ava: I like that you notice Ava: Do it some more James: because I'm not sure I could stop if you didn't like it, it's a relief that you do Ava: Don't stop Ava: then I don't have to either James: very fair Ava: 😇 James: how far can we push that angelic streak to one side because I'm here early James: can you leave? Ava: Lessons are barely real at this point in the summer term and it isn't as if I've been paying any attention all day so Ava: Give me 10 to 'fake' needing to go lie down James: I'm not having any PTSD symptoms from being here quite yet James: take as long as you require Ava: Honestly Ava: Least it is undeniably too hot for the blazer so I won't trigger you into leaving without me James: I'm undeniably sure the way you wear it wouldn't make me wanna leave Ava: God, you are so distracting and fully aware what you're doing to me right now James: in 10 minutes, or preferably less, you'll have a car to lie down in should you suddenly really need to James: meaning I regret nothing Ava: Bad man Ava: The blush is admittedly helping my case here James: I'm not gonna lie & say if you aren't still wearing that I'll go without you but James: I do want to see it Ava: I'd say there's 0% chance of you not seeing it and a full 100% of me being unable to hide it James: 🍅 right, of course Ava: The dangers of being pale Ava: why I need this tan Ava: obviously James: how far does it go? is 😳 going to colour in your tan lines like a modern art piece James: if so that's a must for my book cover Ava: Well now we have to see how inspiring you find it Ava: even if you can't take any 📸 James: physically no, but mentally I'll take so many Ava: You're too pretty for photographs anyway Ava: you don't even look real in person James: how can you say that about another person when you look like you belong on a chapel ceiling or somewhere equally beautifully crafted? Ava: I Ava: I'm just Ava: on my way James: you can't miss me, the engine's on & the song choices are questionable James: it's very low profile Ava: Got to get the driver onboard, for future 126s James: I'll ask him if he has any knowledge of the Twilight soundtrack Ava: 😂 Ava: It goes hard, FYI James: he looked at me like he's a believer about that James: absolute Ava: Then we won't have to invite him to our viewing party Ava: Thank God James: it'd be taking politeness to new heights James: he is going to play it for us though Ava: I'm gonna tip him so hard James: It's taken care of by me James: you've agreed to hypothetically buy out everything in this coffee place in search of something I'll enjoy so Ava: Okay Ava: so if you're being polite then can I be slightly 😒 at his presence 'cos I really need to be alone with you right now? James: it's a reasonable request James: more so than the one I'd like to ask of you Ava: Go on Ava: There's clearly room and time for the unreasonable James: Ava, I hear how much you don't want to waste any of the borrowed time we're basically forced to be on, but can you please walk slowly for my mental picture gallery Ava: [Does, obviously] James: [😍 clearly as the twilight soundtrack begins to blast from this vehicle so casually] Ava: [and what a mental image that is, doing a mini run at the end 'cos excitement and nerves] James: [it's fine cos we all know he'd have to resist the urge to lowkey drag her into the car despite what he said, looking like you're getting snatched from the school gates lol] Ava: [thank God your teachers are useless and we can but hope there's no window some kid is staring that hard out] James: [just staring at her taking all those mental 📷s again though as soon as she's in] Ava: [the blush is so real and she knows it] James: [if she's blushing already wait until the kiss he initiates because obvs it'd be as hardcore as their first one but like it'd be so much more intense not only cos he wants her more but also because he wants more time to do this now. Everything would be so slow and deliberate like he's gotta savour every possible way he can kiss her and every possible tiny reaction each thing he does has] Ava: [well enjoy boy because she will be dying in all the ways like there's no hiding from the casual anticipation that has built up here] James: [they both just die there and then #plot twist] Ava: [or this driver reports you 'cos you've just picked up someone from school and started getting it on lmao, luckily you not being paid to think so shh] James: [oh my god imagine, please just drive and groove to the epic bops thank you sir] Ava: [she's 17 now we're so fine lollol] James: [he does not know that but I hope James does] Ava: [he's done a stalk, her bday wasn't that long ago in the feed] James: [true, I hope you had an epic bday babe] Ava: [no doubt baby, so we've got a pretty good plan of their afternoon plans, is there anything else we wanna say went down?] James: [good question, realistically they'd probably run out of time but also I am highkey so I'm like give them forever lol] Ava: [I assume he usually picks Jay up from School 'cos unless Chloe wanna turnt up at the gates why would she, so that'd be 3.30 say so they've got from 1ish, Chloe would still have the baby and thinks he's in class so we do have a fair whack of time] James: [not gonna let you waste all of that trying everything on a coffee shop menu, don't worry guys] Ava: [although a moment you need all the moments] James: [gotta find him something he genuinely likes cos his missus be ordering for him everywhere they go] Ava: [oat milk flat white] James: [chin chin gals] Ava: [But yeah I don't think we need a Chloe interruption this time 'cos he'll have a time he has to go anyway so suck it bitch] James: [there will be plenty of opportunities to do more of them anyway] Ava: [when your wife is controlling and crazy] Ava: [I was thinking for when we get the whole 'I don't think Jay is his' moment rolling, maybe if she finds out he's cheating again or whatever she does the typical 'she ain't even yours!' and maybe she's done it before so James just thinks she's bullshitting 'cos she's crazy but Ava is like hmm shall we like explore that though 'cos it's not 'neither of them are yours' it's always just Jay] James: [that is actually perfect though] Ava: ['cos it can escalate when she inevitably finds out it's Ava 'cos sleuthing or maybe at some point they wanna be out 'cos fuck it and she's taking it way more personal than any other girl and it's like why though so then the Buster link can come out even if she accidentally drops it 'cos so mad] James: [we all know Chloe is that bitch 100%] Ava: [🙌] James: [do we wanna do any more convo like once he had to leave or shall we post it and move on] Ava: [I'll do a lil bit 'cos straightforward, highkey and cute tbh] James: [allowing it] Ava: I hope I didn't make you late at all Ava: and that your girls like the Twilight soundtrack James: if they don't they've inherited their mother's bad taste & they've got bigger problems ahead than me being a few minutes late Ava: Obviously Ava: but I'm just saying, don't be too disappointed, no one can like it as much as you 😏 James: I don't believe that you don't like it as much as me Ava: It is more than just a hypothetical that I enjoyed myself Ava: soundtrack included but not my favourite part James: I couldn't possibly be disappointed by anything else knowing that Ava: Disappointment is not in my vocabulary right now James: you won't need to add it back in on my behalf Ava: I believe that James: when can I see you again? Ava: You tell me Ava: There are four more films James: 4? Ava: They split the last book into two, such a gimmick but you know James: I promise not to do that when I write yours Ava: Well, if I get to play myself maybe I won't mind the exposure 🤔 James: I'm not sure that I want to play myself James: in which case I would mind the increased screentime you'd then have with whoever does Ava: There's no finding anyone else with eyes as blue as yours Ava: Gonna blow the special effects budget James: 😂 Ava: I'm so serious Ava: and jealous James: I'll describe your eyes as bluer & your skin as more tan, if you like Ava: I like your candor, remember Ava: More than I'd like to be remembered as tanned and having the bluest eyes James: I'd like to remember you exactly as you are Ava: Don't say we have to leave it that long to see each other again James: not quite Ava: My parents have a 4-day business trip Fri-Mon, you could come over at some point then? James: the weekend is not going to happen but I can make Monday work James: Friday possibly Ava: Okay Ava: Not quite coffee shop level but we've got all sorts for you to try out James: you sounded like your brother then, almost James: not that he's ever propositioned me in exactly the same way Ava: Awkward Ava: I'll try and avoid that then😬😂 James: awkward will be if your parents haven't decorated since I was last there Ava: Thankfully they have Ava: and I haven't insisted on taking his room James: or your sister's? Ava: Spent loads of time in there too? Ava: no, I've got my own room James: not with her, obviously James: but you know how parties tend to overspill into every room Ava: 'Course James: are you going to have one? Ava: Undecided Ava: I'll have some people over at the weekend but it might be pretty chill James: is Teddy included in the some people? Ava: I don't know Ava: Would you like him not to be or? James: I don't know Ava: I get that it could be weird Ava: It's strange thinking how close you used to be with Buster James: but that was basically another life James: for me & for him Ava: Yeah Ava: well, I don't have to invite him, like I said, I don't even know what I fancy doing yet James: it's up to you Ava: I know Ava: It's James: it's not my business, Ava James: I shouldn't have asked Ava: No Ava: It's not not Ava: I know things are complex but I don't feel bad for her, you know Ava: I don't feel bad for doing it James: me either but not only because of the no regrets thing Ava: So it just feels weird to feel like guilty or something around your brother when I'm not Ava: He doesn't need to know and won't but it doesn't need to be any weirder than it would be if I dated any of my friend's siblings under more 'normal' circumstances James: understood Ava: Yeah? Ava: It's hard to explain James: I'm following it Ava: Not saying we are dating or Ava: you know James: I can't have a girlfriend, but if I could Ava: Really James: you'd be a good choice Ava: but I ain't James: why not? Ava: I don't know Ava: never mind James: Ava Ava: Ignore me, I don't know what I mean Ava: It's not important James: I don't want to ignore you Ava: Okay Ava: but we can talk about other things James: any topic you want Ava: Hmm Ava: Tempting but vague James: I assumed you'd prefer it over boring & specific Ava: A fair assumption Ava: What are you doing tonight though, ell me about your boring and specific James: I can't pinpoint specific dad duties as such, not with these two James: I could be gluing a doll house back together or walking an imaginary dog Ava: A handyman and a dogwalker Ava: either way, never a dull moment James: & that's without factoring in the possibility I could be dragged to a dinner party or subjected to guests arriving expecting champagne & nibbles with no prior knowledge or warning James: on any night James: how are you spending yours? Ava: Of course Ava: Expect no less from this town's leading socialite Ava: I've been summoned to a catch-up and 'homework' sesh as I didn't get back for last period Ava: the amount of messages, assumedly missed the second coming 🤷 James: I'm surprised you're not assumed to be too 'sick' to go James: maybe you shouldn't play yourself in my film either Ava: 😧 Ava: Um rude Ava: Maybe you need to try harder to make me 🍅 James: starting Friday or starting now? James: because how I would in person is not what I'm going to be able to do here Ava: Admittedly both sound intriguing James: so let's do both James: [sends her some kind of 💣🔥 sext because words are all they have as we all know what'll happen if you start sending pics, then she will and it's a whole dangerous thing] Ava: Oh Ava: and I was trying to avoid the cliche of telling you I missed you already James: there's no need to dismiss every cliche off hand James: some of them are good Ava: Some of them are very good Ava: remember when you write your book James: you'll remind me, right? James: I think we can assume too that writer's block isn't one of the enjoyable cliches Ava: I'll do my best Ava: Some protagonist I'd be otherwise James: very fair James: I'll do mine, in turn Ava: I have every faith in your way with words Ava: You've not gone wrong there yet James: [sends her another text because why not obvs, not like you're a busy man with a fam having an affair or anything] Ava: [God bless the multitask] Ava: James James: yes? Ava: It's going to be a really hard wait 'til Monday James: I'll fit you in Friday James: even if it's only an hour Ava: If you're gonna make it sound like a dentist appointment 😏 James: not the most original excuse but it'd still get you out of school Ava: Cheek 😂 Ava: My excuses are A* James: I don't doubt it James: but I don't want to find out by having you use any on me Ava: Just for you James: okay James: there's no excuses needed to keep posting selfies, is there? so I'll see you every day until Friday actually Ava: Of course Ava: Be dead suspect if I didn't tbh Ava: Can you post one? Ava: Even if you're in the background fulfilling whatever role is required at that precise moment James: for you, I will Ava: 😊 James: look out for it Ava: No.1 fan right here James: you're joking but you're not wrong Ava: Am I? 👀🤔 James: aren't you? Ava: I'll never tell Ava: Got to keep some mystery or who's gonna want to turn the page James: oh you want a mystery at the heart of this James: I see Ava: Does that not gel with your plan for the plot? James: I'll incorporate it after a quick brainstorm Ava: Hot James: 😈 Ava: Mhmm James: you're hot, I'm just lucky Ava: How so? James: to get to spend any time with you Ava: Oh please Ava: You're very good company James: most people are capable of being for a few hours Ava: Who do you know? Ava: Have to introduce me 😏 James: 😂 do you mind if I don't? Ava: I think I'll manage James: I'm happy to hear it Ava: For now, I need to be filled in on the gossip Ava: tell you if any of it is story-worthy James: do your work too please James: I'd like to follow you to a good uni Ava: Are you telling me what to do now? Ava: Don't hate that James: it's a nicely worded suggestion for now Ava: Noted 😇 James: you're going to be good then? Ava: I promised I'd be no trouble James: I know you did Ava: And I'll try really, really hard to keep that promise Ava: even if you make that difficult James: I'm trying really hard not to get in the car & come find you James: I don't think I have to tell you how difficult that is Ava: Damn responsibilities Ava: We can have all Monday though Ava: think about that when it gets tough Ava: I will James: I am Ava: 💙

[hannahsmusings]

Liam/Lou

Love you more, Han. *he winks at you sweetly before smiling, the two of you taking sips from your drink, turning as he hears the front door open, smiling as Harry walks in and announces himself* *the other lads didn’t know anything about your miscarriage or your pregnancy at all, but Harry always seemed to know something was different, having multiple times wanted to confide in the younger boy since he had such a warm and embracing vibe to him and he knew you probably felt the same, but he liked that it was just something between the two of you, something you two bonded over and it created a connection that couldn’t be broken or matched* *he rolls his eyes when he sees Harry was carrying a bottle of tequila* Really? This is supposed to be a tame housewarming and this one is bringing tequila. *he drapes his arm over your shoulder casually as Harry tries to defend himself, the three of you laughing loudly together*

*Louis didn’t want to dwell or anything, but he couldn’t stop his brain from doing it anyways, his mind going over every single possibility of what could’ve happened or gone wrong with the letters* *during rec time, he chooses to forgo the gym and instead go to the phones area* *he dials Niall’s number quickly, Niall being the only one who has visited him frequently, Harry having come once but he also knew this wasn’t a place for him anyways so he didn’t quite hold it against the lad* *he did hold it against Liam though, assuming their friendship was done at this point considering Liam hasn’t called or even sent a letter* Nialler, hey man. *they have small talk, Louis not wanting to bring this up but knowing he needed the answers, sighing when there was a bit of a lull in conversation* Um… I hate to ask but… has Hannah said anything about me?

*Niall was driving to yours, having just stopped at the liquor store and picked up some beers, frowning when he sees the now familiar prison number appear on his screen, answering it at once* *he always looked up to Lou, him being such a big brother and he couldn’t pull away from him or turn his back on Louis like Liam had* *he knew Lou was in the wrong, he knew it was a totally fucked situation, but he loved Louis nonetheless* *he cringes at the question about Hannah, chewing on his lip as he tries to answer it carefully* Uh, no, not really… Hasn’t said anything to me anyways. I’m, erm, I’m just headed to her flat now. She’s having a housewarming thing for the lads.

*Louis’ eyes closed as he heard the word ‘housewarming’, now understanding why the letters were sent back, you moved* House warming? She… she moved. *he meant it as a question but it came out as a statement, his heart clenching painfully in his chest as he realizes how final that was, you left the house you two shared together, you didn’t want any of those reminders* *he closed his eyes tightly again as he tries not to let any tears fall, this being so painful, he almost would have rathered you sending the mail back instead of this*

__________________________

*that housewarming party was the beginning of positivity for me, really beginning to feel that my life was turning around and I was healing* *it was 18 months later and my life was completely different, I had graduated with my degree, a brand new job in law that I loved, I had a stable boyfriend of 8 months and although it wasn’t like it was with Louis it was secure and safe and I felt comfortable and content* *I didn’t think of Louis as much as I used to, it taking a long time for me to get over the loss of our baby and to fall out of love with him and let go to move on, knowing I had to give myself and my life a chance in order to be able to live independently* *me and the boys still met up regularly and I occasionally saw Louis’ family as Jay was like a mum to me but I’d also accepted that I’d lost them in that way now because it was too painful to be around them when we weren’t together any more* *I had just finished my work shift, letting myself in my flat and my boyfriend practically living here now as I call out for him* Luke? You home?

[oddsnendsfanfics]

Pick Me Up

Genre: Fan Fiction Pairing: Jai Courtney/OFC (Roo) Warnings: Language/ Slight Sexual References Rating: PG13 Length: Short Story Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.

A/N: Well, mystery is solved...or is it? Either way, you may wanna give this one a good read ;) ;) 

Read:  Overextended & Fall to Pieces

"Honey, do we have to go tomorrow?" Jai groaned, his head resting in the crook of her neck.

"Unfortunately, yes we do." She lazily ran her fingers through his curls.

Their last day in Paris, before heading back to sunny California and reality, was going to be yet another lazy day in their room. Today, they would do good to leave the bed long enough to eat, if they bothered to do so.

Jai had woke several hours ago, laying in bed waiting for a sign that his wife – he smiled every time he thought about that – had done the same. The second her eyes had popped open, he had been there snuggled up and delivering light little kisses. She was happy to lie in bed, alternating between chatting and the comfortable silence that took its turn surrounding them.

No stress, no worries, and no fears. Simply the two of them, wrapped in one another, enjoying the gorgeous morning in one of the most beautiful cities. She couldn't wait to come back and Jai had promised they would, eventually, and the next time they would actually do more in way of being tourists.

"We could stay, the joey can live with my sister, and we can use the house when we need it." Jai mumbled, his lips brushing against her collar bone. "Buy a vineyard, or maybe open a cafe." He teased.

"We'd drink all the wine, kill the grapes, and probably burn down the cafe." She laughed at the suggestions.

Everything about that morning had been peaceful, silly, and a little sexy. Wine was probably how they had gotten to this point, as well. Oh the wine! She had drank way too much of it and Jai hadn't helped her. If it wasn't the wine then it was the champagne, the sweet and bubbly alcohol had a way of making you drink too much, without even realizing it.

Lazy, mellow and pleasing would be the only way she could ever describe the moment. Soft and slow was overrated when it came to sex, had it been anything but then the whole thing would have thrown off the vibrations of the morning.

Being husband and wife hadn't stilled the hesitancy when Jai announced they were officially out of condoms – thank god for new, apparently better, birth control. She needed him and in no way was she willing to wait, even if one of them made the mad dash for a corner store, it would take too long.

A smirk tugging at the corner of her lips, the mere idea that they'd had that much sex was amusing. Who could blame her? It took one glance at her husband to know she would prefer him to stay in bed, never leaving, to fuck all day.

She loved the feel of his body on hers, the weight bearing down but never crushing, it was comforting. Her fingers played with the tufts of hair on his chest and stomach, delighted that it had finally came back. Under the hair and under her touch, Jai's stomach contracted, his muscled growing taught and tiny goosebumps rising on his skin. Gentle and ghostly her finger tips continued to explore his stomach, back, and shoulders.

Brushing his thumb across her cheek, he watched under hooded eyes as her face went from serene to pure bliss. Another tightening in his stomach caused his body to shudder, this time it was less to do with her hands, the way she was pulling him in; in every sense of the phrase, was mind blowing.

Kissing her roughly, Jai moaned and his body went completely stiff, she could feel him throbbing between her legs. Her hips tilting and her knees resting against his sides, she gasped into the kiss, whimpering and shaking. Fuck! Her mind blank except for the cliche stars and dots.

"I can't believe I didn't think of this, earlier." She muttered, digging the spoon into the carton if ice cream. "What a fucking idiot." She scolded herself through a sniffle.

The front door opened and closed, Jai's footsteps were heavy on the floor as he entered the house. Her husband was home and she couldn't find the strength to care, what did it matter anyway? Everything was a mess, including her. This evening was supposed to be perfect, everything was carefully planned, and her excitement had been through the roof.

What did that matter, now? The kitchen was a disaster, she was doubtful that he would even notice Dorito's new attire. Nor would he see that the fall centerpiece in the dinning room had been replaced; pink and blue gerbera daisies, picked to match the overall theme. If she were lucky, Jai may notice the giant baby themed balloons in the corner of the kitchen. Nobody could miss the metallic pink and blue baby shower balloons.

That slow, sexy, lazy morning in Paris was to blame for this!

"I'm home," Jai called out ahead of him, stashing his black leather travel bag on the floor by the stairs. Dorito eagerly bounced down the hall, coming from the kitchen, wagging his tail and dancing around Jai's feet.

7:30, Denzi wouldn't be far behind.

Jai had landed an hour early from Chicago, grabbing a cab home – despite the small fortune it has cost, in order to surprise his family. Coming home was always his favourite part of any trip, getting to be back in his own bed in familiar surroundings was a luxury. Getting to come home to his wife and son, knowing how much he had missed them, made it even sweeter. Jai frowned when the seconds ticked by without the sound of Denzi's excited running as he made a bee line for his dad.

"Roo? Denzi?" He called loudly, scratching Dorito under the new blue bandanna he wore around his neck. "Guys?"

Listening for any signs of his son and wife, Jai furrowed his brow. There were no noises coming from upstairs, seeing as it was growing dark outside they probably weren't outside playing. He would have smelled smoke, if they were having a bon fire. Her aging silver SUV was parked neatly in the garage, when he'd peeked in on his way by.

"Kitchen." She closed her eyes and squeaked.

Grabbing the favoured bottle of whiskey from his travel bag, Jai strode off to the kitchen, Dorito not far behind. He couldn't wait to hug his son and kiss his wife. Wife! He still smiled like an idiot, every time he thought about that. Despite the warnings that had come, from a hypothetical question with his manager, Jai was happy with the way things were right now.

He'd received word that the paperwork for her adoption of Denzi was almost final, in another week or so, his son would have a mum and dad. He was home for another month, at least. How much better could this week get?

"Hey, I wasn't sure you were here, but...." Jai stopped mid sentence. Glancing around the kitchen, he inhaled deeply, suppressing an outburst. This was a fucking mess! What had she done, while he was away?

Chaotic disaster was the only way to describe the scene before him. The kitchen counter was covered in sticky frosting, a smashed cake sat beside the sink, streamers falling from the corner of the fridge lead Jai's gaze to the balloons bobbing around by the patio door. In the middle of the chaos his wife sat on the floor, slouched against the dishwasher, her dress covered in the same frosting from the counter top. In her hand, a carton of...cotton candy ice cream?

She hated, absolutely despised, cotton candy ice cream.

"R-Roo?" Jai cautiously approached, sliding down into a squat in front of her.

"What?" She sniffled, wiping her sticky frosting covered hand across her nose.

"Babe, what's going on?" Jai rested on his feet. His hands steadying his balance by holding her knees.

"Forget it, it's not important." She choked a sob.

Lies!

"Well, then, let's clean this up and you can tell me about it. I brought home some of that organic whiskey you like."

Whatever had happened, they would get it cleaned, then Jai would settle her on the couch with a nice whiskey and ginger, the way she liked it when she was stressed. He'd fix a quick dinner and they could enjoy the rest of their evening, until Denzi came back, from wherever he was.

A body shaking, ear piercing sob erupted from his wife, Jai flinched out of reaction. Nearly stumbling backwards and onto his ass. "Whiskey?" She snapped loudly, tears beginning to brim her eyes. "Whis...Oh, Jai. I want a drink, I need a drink, but I can't."

Regaining his wits, Jai gently placed his hand on her knee, setting the whiskey beside him on the tile flooring, "Roo, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine." She waved her hand in front of her face. "I'm just, this was supposed to be perfect, but the cake...it fell on the floor, and you were supposed to walk in and just know...obviously you...did you even look at the dog or the balloons?"

The only way to describe the expression on her husband's face was a pure what the fuck?! emotion. His blue eyes were squinted and his brows furrowed, his lips pursed, and nose scrunched. She had lost her mind.

"I saw Dorito." Jai glanced at the dog who brushed by, hearing his name. "Kind of hard not to see the balloons."

"You saw them, but did you actually look? No, because had you, then you would have known." She sniffled again, swallowing roughly trying to avoid a hiccup. "I'm pregnant, Jai. Hence the blue and the pink, the baby designs on the fucking balloons. I'm pregnant and this is not how I wanted you to know."

"Pregnant?" He spoke, allowing the words to sink in. "Preg...nant? Fuck."

Paralyzed by her words, the word tumbled out again, repeating the word for a fourth time with a throaty laugh, Jai could practically feel the kitchen spinning. How bad would it look right now, if he opened the bottle of perfectly aged whiskey and began to chug?

Obviously, she'd had some time – though he didn't know the exact time frame – to allow this to sink in. Here he was, crouched on the kitchen floor, his socks covered in ice cream or was that frosting? It didn't matter, grasping his wife's knee trying to make sense of what she'd told him.

"Pregnant." the fifth time was more of a confused whisper.

Jai's stomach sank before jolting up and into his throat, they were barely married and here they were with a baby on the way. The tears staining her cheeks weren't helping him, inside Jai felt like the world's shittiest husband. He should have known or have had some sort of inkling. Wasn't a man supposed to notice these things?

She must have been terrified, taking the test alone, seeing those two little lines and nobody there to comfort her. Gasping in a large breath of air, Jai slowly exhaled trying to stop the urge of vomiting. He couldn't even begin to imagine the freak out that she had endured seeing that result.

"You're mad." She whimpered, shoving a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.

"No, I'm...shocked. I'm not mad, babe." Jai gently replied blinking back the tears that were trying to fall. The two of them crying would be useless. One of them had to keep their wits.

"You look mad," She replied with an accusing tone.

It had been no secret that Jai felt they weren't ready. He'd made that clear when he'd refused to speak to her over a broken condom, months ago. They were in a better place now, she was sure of it, after all she was his wife and on the way to her becoming the mother of his son, possibly sons. Who knew? Maybe his daughter?

"I'm not mad." He reiterated, "Are...are you mad?" She sniffled and shook her head No. "Why all the tears? Oh, babe." Jai rubbed his thumb against her cheek, brushing the tears away.

"Because I'm so," she hiccuped, "hap-py."

"Me too, firecracker." Jai laughed, flopping down next to her. "Wow, we're actually having a baby? A baby!"

Being a dad was one of the best things in his life, Jai wouldn't trade Denzi for anything, nor could he imagine life being as great without the little guy. A second baby would only make that even better, Jai was sure of it. Sudden and not at all planned, but then again the best things never were.

Sitting on the kitchen floor, of their home, allowing the news of a new baby, their baby, to sink in was almost surreal. A weird dream like moment, one which would be gut wrenching if one of them woke up to find they were comfortable, in bed upstairs.

"Oh god, Jai! We're having a baby." She was wide eyed and muttering.

"Yes, yes we are."

"A baby!" She wailed with a sudden sniffle. "We haven't even told Denzi that we're married. I still have to tell my mom!"

"Roo, it'll be okay. We'll figure it all out." Jai rubbed her back. Hoping he sounded somewhat convincing. This was not what he had wanted or expected to come home to.

This threw a whole new complication into his plan, after the less than pleasant conversation with his manager, on the hypothetical decision of Jai getting married. Great, not only did he have to tell a doubt filled manager that he was married, but he was also having a second child.

Telling his parents and Cora would be a walk in the park, they would be bitter at first, then sink into the idea loving the fact there would be a new baby. Everybody loved babies!

"We have to call them. We have to call our parents, Booms." She sobbed loudly squirming around on her bottom, trying to find the motivation to get off of the kitchen floor. "We can't just have a baby and never tell them."

"We don't have to do that right now." Jai gently grasped her elbow and pulled her back to him. "There will be time, Roo. Right now, we need to just enjoy it."

[princeofsalt]

PrinceOfSalt’s fic rec in no particular order!

I need home (our tangled bones) by togetherwecouldbealright

Louis runs a record label and Harry is his daughter's new nanny. Over the course of a year, Harry helps Louis learn what it really is to be a father and somehow they find an unexpected home in each other.

Or, the kid fic where Louis wants to make Harry a star, Zayn just needs everyone to stop being stupid, Niall laughs his arse off at everything, Liam attempts to keep things in order and Harry takes a chance.

Orange Canvas by aclosetlarryshipper

Few can handle Louis Tomlinson on the dance floor, much less match him in skill and fervor. Louis has obviously met his soul mate; he just never expected him to be wearing a red snapback and to chew gum like an entitled Mercedes owner.

or

A spring break (kind of) fake relationship AU

This Wicked Game (particularly amazing) by cherrystreet

An AU in which The Bachelor is gay, Louis is a contestant, Harry is the bachelor, everyone drinks a lot of champagne, the entire world gets to watch them fall in love, and no one plays by the rules.

Take Off Your Running Shoes by  polkadotpeacoat

AU- Harry is the fit supermarket check out boy. Louis wants to sleep with him. Summer romance ensues.

Anyplace, Anyhow, Anytime (amazing) by  aimmyarrowshigh, colazitron

Harry's going to audition for The X-Factor in a few days, he really can't use this persistent tickle in his throat. What's even worse is when the tickle turns into a full blown cough, and the cough makes him pass out only for Harry to wake up in a different world. And then another one, and another one, and another one. The only other person who seems to be as affected as he is, is a boy with blue eyes who keeps showing up in every single one of these worlds.

led by your beating heart (as far as I can remember this one was real good) by  missandrogyny

Nick leans over. "Oh," he says, his voice smug. "Who is that?"

Harry just blinks at his phone. "Um," he manages to stammer out.

"Who's that, Harry?" Nick asks again, but this time he raises his eyebrows and smirks. Harry knows Nick is just teasing, and that he's not really looking for new Harry Styles gossip, but, um. He might have found something. Accidentally.

Harry opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is another 'um'. He really needs to work on translating his thoughts into words. But then it probably wouldn't be any helpful right now, would it? His mind is as blank as a newly erased etch-a-sketch.

"Oh," Nick says again, this time gleefully, seemingly having picked up on Harry's distress. "Looks like we've got a story here! Are you going to call or delete her number?"

Her number. So Nick thinks it's a girl. Well, Harry can't blame him: 'Lou' is kind of an androgynous nickname. His stylist's name is Lou. But this Lou, well, Louis, he's kind of, really, really not a girl. He's really pretty though, which, is something. 

(Or: AU where Harry's in One Direction, Louis isn't, and they reconnect over a game of 'Call or Delete'.)

California Sold by  isthatyoularry

Notoriously closeted boyband member Harry Styles is famous on a global scale, meanwhile Louis, as his best friend, is back home in Manchester, living the typical life of a 24 year old. When Harry needs Louis with him in LA, a publicity stunt gone wrong changes their friendship forever.

A fake-relationship AU between two lifelong best friends.

Where Your Heart Is by  anhcor, tvshows_addict

Louis is ready for his brand new adventure. So what if he suffers from a genetic condition that prevents him from being touched? College is going to be awesome. It has to. Karma kind of owes him right now. Forget about his overprotective mother, or Liam-- his entirely too chipper step brother-- or his mess of a roommate. Forget about the gloves he has to wear at all times. He’s here to expand his knowledge, write and drown himself in books -- No matter how distracting ‘Hallway Boy’ may be-- The obnoxious, flirty frat wannabe determined to become the bane of Louis’ existence.

Or, a college AU set in San Francisco where two lost boys who seemingly have nothing in common find inspiration, each other, and themselves in the process.

Run Like the Devil by  benzos

Harry stops pouting, but his frown is still fixed in place. “Are you sure?” he asks. “You know it’s your soul you’re signing away.” He sounds…sad? No, that’s not right, but there’s something.

Christ. This is the most incompetent demon Louis’ ever met. If he hadn’t seen the red of his eyes he wouldn’t believe he was a demon at all. How’d he get this job if he isn’t trying to convince Louis to deal? Or is it just another trick? A ploy for sympathy?

“I’m sure,” Louis says. “Come over here and kiss me.”

Supernatural AU. Louis hunts demons; Harry's the strangest demon he's ever met, and he keeps fucking meeting him.

break open the sky by  karamelised

Being a werewolf isn't always easy. Especially if you have no idea what you're doing.

or

Werewolf au. Harry might be a werewolf, but he still wants to experience Uni like everyone else. Turns out he learns a lot.

In Vogue by  otpwhatever

'Is that why David Beckham has been featured multiple times on the pages of your life's work? Does your criteria seriously consist of one thing – a man's ass?' 'Well the ass is a man's best asset,' Harry smirks, holding the Martini glass high up his face. 'And don't call the magazine my life's work. There are far more important things in life, Louis Tomlinson, than what's printed on the pages of a magazine.'

Fashion AU. Louis is the editor in chief of Vogue magazine, and Harry's running British GQ. Featuring Zayn as the crazy creative director and Louis' confidant, Liam as the sports writer that gets to sit front row at fashion week and DJ Neil as the only sane person in the whole story. (There are no skinny jeans in this fic)

Wont See It Coming Til It’s Already Gone by  whoknows (MY FAVORITE AUTHOR)

“Tell me that this is a fake,” Peter says, slapping a handful of papers against Louis’ chest. He says something else, something loud and demanding, barely even pausing for a breath, but Louis doesn’t hear it. All he hears is the sound of his own breathing, the sound of his own heartbeat.

Because this - this looks like a marriage certificate.

For a minute, everything stills, quiets. Louis drags his eyes up, meets Harry’s gaze, fixed on him.

Then the noise is back, shouting voices clamoring to be heard over each other, and Harry is still staring at him.

The ring that Louis hadn’t been able to stop noticing in the loo weighs heavily on his hand. His left hand.

Time will tell, I suppose, or at least, these pages will. by lets_get_messi

Harry has a diary and he's been writing about the pen-pal he's never met in there since he's been 12 years old. One day he reads his diary out to a room full of strangers and finds that the man with the blue-eyes at the back of the room is a slight distraction.

(Or Harry goes to a public diary reading thing at his local coffee shop and gets more than he bargained for)

devil town by  kingsoftheimpossible

a southern us au

“Mmm,” Louis hums, tipping his head slightly in acknowledgement. “You know what I reckon all the baseball games you’ve seen have in common?”

Harry rocks on his heels, uncertain, drifting. If it were daylight, if he could see Louis’ face, maybe he’d see where this was going. As it is, he hazards a guess, smiling beseechingly even though Louis probably can’t see him very well. “That I didn’t know what was going on?”

“I reckon,” Louis says, taking the cigarette from his mouth and flicking the ashes to the ground, “you only ever paid attention to baseball when it involved paying attention to me.”

like a timebomb ticking (this made me sob. I’ve read it like 5 times it’s so amazing. read it. do it.)by  infinitelymint

Louis loses everything. Harry's still there.

Marking Up The Atmosphere by  acidveins

At the age of twenty, Harry deals with things expected to occur at his age: student loans, instant meals, electricity bills, and the constant, incessant presence of never ending coursework.

That, and the job of raising his six year old daughter and avoiding the charm of a young, successful, and very off-limits Louis Tomlinson.

all of our important nothings by  deadspy

Louis stares down at his phone for an eternity before typing out the message.

does she know that paper plane necklace was a gift from my mum to you our first christmas together???

He immediately regrets sending it. He knows it doesn’t matter. Knows Taylor’s necklace is a cheap knockoff of the one Harry had always worn so proudly— knows the way he’d smiled at it, lifting it slowly from the small box he’d been given it to in, the way Jay had met Louis’ eyes from across the room and winked, how it had dangled from Harry’s neck that night as he rode Louis on his childhood bed, the little silver airplane catching on the lights from cars passing by on the road outside shining into his room and casting soft reds and yellows over Harry’s pale skin.

[Harry and Louis are in love, Haylor happens, and Louis battles quite a few demons along the way.]

Glow by  dolce_piccante (read EVERY. FIC. SHE. HAS.)

Alien AU, with a hint of Royal AU. A summer barbecue at the Tomlinson's is interrupted by a naked visitor from a peaceful planet far, far away. Can an alien and a human survive a summer together for the sake of the human race?

monsters are always hungry, darling by  makescalamity

In Freudian terms, Harry has an oral fixation. Louis is more than ok with it.

All Tired Talk by  orphan_account

In which Harry is the dying front man of a dying rock band, Zayn has finally given up holding his hair back in dingy bathrooms, Niall and Liam are holding up the fort, and Louis comes along with eyes the color of the sky to remind Harry that there is still more life to live.

These Constant Stars by  stylinsoncity

Louis’ career has nowhere to go but up. He’s living at the height of New York City on the precipice of an epic promotion. Life is good and only getting better. And then one day, things turn disastrous.

This is a story about life, death, and punk rockers turned guardian angels.

Title inspired by "Fool's Gold" by One Direction.

walk my days on a wire by  sunshiner

Harry hums, staring at his hands in his lap, and Louis can still feel their smoothness, how solid they were in between his own. “Do you think it’s the same for us? Are we here only because of the likeliness of our jobs? Of our lives?” “We’re here because we have inventive managers,” Louis says, giving Harry’s leg a little nudge with his knee, but all that’s going around in his head is, I think I'd be in the same spot in every possible universe.

or, when actor Louis Tomlinson used to daydream about dating Harry Styles, this is not what he had in mind.

my heart is breathing for this moment in time by  usedtothebeach

When Louis first saw Harry at the 2010 X Factor Auditions, he thought he was watching a peculiarly special stranger. But Harry has known Louis ever since he was five years old.

Because Louis has a rare genetic disorder that causes him to Time Travel to important moments in his past and in his future - and to Harry, always to Harry. When they're put into a band together, it seems like everything Harry has been waiting and wishing for has finally come true. Except for the small fact that Louis doesn't know that Harry is in love with him- that Harry's always been in love with him. Fate, it would seem, is just getting started.

A story about growing up and growing together, and the impossible love that makes it all worthwhile.

[carpethefanfics]

Those Eyes.

So I’ve been trying to work on your wonderful asks darlings but I read something quite beautiful the other day and got an overwhelming bout of inspiration that made me almost instantaneously think of Drarry.

Based on this post.

The idea is that what if your soulmates eyes are a certain colour but you can’t see that colour until you meet them for the first time.

Enjoy.

He’s heard his entire life about it

The stories have drifted through the Malfoy Manor since he can remember

Between the pages of the story books in his father’s office

And from the soft pink lips of his mother

She tells him about the day she saw his father for the first time

The day every colour around her seemed to get brighter

How her memories flooded with it

The spark that lit up all over her skin

She thought she would never see a more beautiful, more alluring thing again

That was until he was born

And he opened his eyes for the first time

There it was

That beautiful wispy grey

Like smoke coming off a fire of pine needles

Like the moon when its bright and full and shining over everything

And then he had asked his father

Padded across the oak floors of the office

Peeked over the edge of the mahogany desk with his palms clutched together

His eyes open, wondering, amazed

And Lucius smiled when he heard the gentle squeak of his son’s voice

Something bubbling up inside

Memories coming to the front of his mind, memories he had never once forgotten

Like the ocean, Draco

Like the sky

I could see endless possibilities in your mother’s eyes

And Draco went back to his room

Every night the sound of those words floating into his ears

As if the walls around him had memorized it

As if the air around him could bring him back to the pure elation that he felt hearing those stories

Because he wanted that

He wanted the moment where he’d lose all focus

Where the world around him would stop

Where the people around him faded to black

Where nothing mattered but the vision of colour before him

And he hoped, no he prayed, that they’d feel it too

That his grey eyes would mean something

That they weren’t plain or simple

That they didn’t fall flat

But that moment had yet to arrive

And he had heard those stories thousands of days ago

And the world had become a dark place without his soulmate’s comfort

It was like being embraced by the cold

And not even the image of a blazing fire can warm your numbing skin

But his mother coaxed him out

Away from the confines of his library, the safety of stacks of endless stories

With colours beyond imagination

Gallivanting across vast yellow savannahs

And sailing across the tumultuous seas of endless blue

And standing in the middle of a gaping white tundra

Moments collected and bound and resting on shelves for his greedy eyes

But she knew better

Pushed him to Ministry gala’s and to business meetings

Telling him his father needed the future heir to the Malfoy fortune to be a sight the public believed in, a sight the public trusted

A new generation to rid their name of the scum the last generation brought

And he did

He wore the suits his mother pressed

Soft colours that highlighted his features she said

His sharp cheekbones

His pale skin

His sleek silver hair

He would smile, graciously bow his head

Conversation after conversation about this stock and that

About his academic pursuits, his accolades and successes

But drifting through your life means it is not a life

Draco felt more like a puppet than ever before

And not even his friends could fill that hollow void he’d been trying to fill

They tried

Blaise describing the utter disbelief he experienced

How the colour brown made him feel warm inside

Reminded him of his mother’s embrace, of the feeling of her heartbeat against his cheek

Of the chocolate chip cookies that she used to bake when the sky was clouded over and his head was heavy

Of coming home after a long day

Of waking up, turning his head and being flooded with the realization that there’s an entire world in this man’s eyes that he’s never known

An entire world he gets to spend every day learning about

And then there was Pansy

She told him of what it was like to stumble into your soulmate

Of what it’s like to come to the crashing realization that you’ve never see the magnificent swirls of blue and green

To at the same time be standing in the middle of a forest of evergreen trees taller than the eye could see

And all at once see bushes ripe for blueberry picking, blue jays flying through the branches, a completely cloudless azure sky

Of how each day its different

Some days are more ocean and more torrential downpours than gardens and her mother’s favourite cardigan

But it’s like the colours melt together when their lips meet

It’s like the soft press of Pansy’s hand on her cheek turns the torrents into sun showers

And he wants that

Wants that more than anything he’s ever wanted

Wants to stop feeling like he’s missing out on a world made for him

Missing out on sharing that with someone

And he can ignore the ache

Ignore the feeling that something deep inside him may never be whole

For a time

But then he’s overwhelmed again

Overwhelmed by the pure loneliness of it all, the pure weight

Because it’s just another gala

Just another party

Another handshake, another smile

Another suit, another business plan

And he doesn’t hate every second of it, he really doesn’t

He just hates the thought of doing it alone

Of knowing he’s stuck here when there’s someone out there made for him

Made to be his rock, made to show him this bigger brighter world

Made to show him this untapped potential waiting to burst inside of him

And nothing has come to be

That is until he’s reaching forward to shake someone else’s hand

And his body lurches forward

His grip on his champagne glass lost

The slow motion feel of his feet slipping out from underneath him

The warmth of another’s hands wrapping tightly around his biceps

Pulling him up straight, keeping him balanced

And Draco turns around

He wants to see who has hit his arm, who has simultaneously saved him

Who has knocked his glass of champagne to the floor

But as he does

The sound of shuffling and staff rushing and glass shattering melts away

His surprise and frustration dissolves inside him

Those eyes

Those beautiful, beautiful deep forest green eyes

Those emeralds and jades and olives and … and all those greens

How can there be so many shades of one colour?

One stunning colour

But there they are

Hitting him just as the memories do

They play through his mind like a film reel

Every trip across the country side he’s ever taken

Looking out over the edge of a cliff to the vast landscape below

The fields of grass and trees and shrubs farther than a small child could possibly see

Farther than the mind can possibly imagine

And then he’s swarmed again

Memories of walking through his mother’s garden

Rows upon rows of olive chrysanthemums and jade daylilies and emerald orchids

And the man staring at him seems just as transfixed

His mouth slightly agape

His mesmerizing eyes growing wide

Inside Harry is reeling

He feels like his skin is on fire

Woah

The eyes of this handsome man are nothing he’s ever seen

He has a chiseled jaw, a well fitted suit

But Harry can’t seem to focus anywhere but on his eyes

On a colour he has never realized he missed

He sees his life all over again

But this time, this time he realizes what he’s always needed to see

The first image is the sight of his grandmother

Her hair floating like wisps of light as she rocks beside the fire, an old storybook between her frail fingers and a bright smile on her thin lips

Standing on the shore of the beach near his family cottage

Surrounded by a thousand shades of grey stones, searching for the smoothest one to flick across the water with his father

Walking through the forest on a brisk winter morning

The thousands of silver shades that run through the coat of the wolf that runs in the distant

The sight against the background of a snowy mountain and barren trees

Being stuck in the rain

When the clouds move together, when the lightening breaks through the sky and everything erupts around him

But it’s like he has never seen something so raw, so natural until now

‘Your eyes’

And the man he’s still holding smiles

A laugh bubbling over his lips

‘Your eyes.’

‘I haven’t – er I’ve never – wow’

‘Just the word I was thinking’

‘What colour is that?’

‘Grey, my eyes are grey … Yours are green’

‘Yeah like my mum.’

‘Gorgeous.’

A blush rose to Harry’s cheeks

He’d heard many things about the sight of his eyes before but never gorgeous, never once

And now to hear it on the lush pink lips of a man he had just met

A man that had taken his breath away

It was hard not to just stare

To not just hold onto him and memorize everything about this moment

He could practically feel him doing the same

The way those silver eyes glided over his face

Hungrily memorizing the angles of his cheeks and the slope of his nose and the curve of his mouth

And he would be right, Draco was doing just that

Was trying to think of exactly what he would tell his children when they asked

When they padded into his office

Their favourite books clutched in their chubby arms and their glasses sliding off their noses

What’s it like?

They would say, just as he did when he was small

And like his mother before him, like his father

He would smile fondly thinking about this, about Harry’s face

About the days and months and years to come

Of getting to know one another

Of the first time they would embrace

First hands around waists, then lips greedily running down jaws

And then chest pressed against chest

The blind grasping of hands

The romantic glow of candles around a darkened room

Of vacations on the coast and dinners under the moon and holidays beside a blazing fire

Of the first argument they would have where Harry’s eyes would flare into a deep sea green

So deep and shiny that Draco wouldn’t be able to stop himself

Wouldn’t be able to take his hands away as they collided with Harry’s shoulders the same time his lips collided with Harry’s mouth

His parents had told him that at the same time you saw your soulmates eyes you saw everything you had ever seen but brighter

They had never told him that the future came too

That he would see visions of Harry curled against the ashen sheets the rest on his bed

Of Harry entering the room in a leaden suit that made his brown skin even warmer

Of Harry with watery green eyes and a silver band on his finger

They came so gradually, so comfortably, so easily

And he wondered what Harry saw in the few seconds of staring into Draco’s eyes

But he knew they would have time for that

That he wouldn’t have to push to know

Because Draco had met him, he had finally met him

He knew that loving this authentically was a gift he had been waiting to be given for so long

He knew if this love was meant to sweep through his life there was reason

And he would gladly wait a few moments more if fate wanted to inexplicably bond him to this man

Because whatever was ahead was much more than he had imagined

Whatever was ahead felt so seamless

And that’s all he had ever wanted

To be all at once swept off his feet, to feel all at once at home

[reilovely-blog]

Love Me Now

"Louis sprinted through the forest frantically, weaving through the masses of trees, breath leaving him in harsh pants as he casted a fearful glance behind him- they were still after him, not too close, but he wasn’t out of the woods yet.

No pun intended.

He wasn’t sure where he was headed- he couldn’t head home, obviously; the thought shot down by the others chasing after him, once one of his own, now it was death for him the instant he set foot back there- and he couldn’t head home, Harry had made that painfully clear when he’d told him to leave.

He let out a small sob at the thought of Harry- his alpha, his one and only."

~

Louis sprinted through the forest frantically, weaving through the masses of trees, breath leaving him in harsh pants as he casted a fearful glance behind him- they were still after him, not too close, but he wasn’t out of the woods yet.

No pun intended.

He wasn’t sure where he was headed- he couldn’t head home, obviously; the thought shot down by the others chasing after him, once one of his own, now it was death for him the instant he set foot back there- and he couldn’t head home, Harry had made that painfully clear when he’d told him to leave.

He let out a small sob at the thought of Harry- his alpha, his one and only.

They had met a long time ago, when Louis was still a young curious omega pup from a pack near the caves at the bottom of the mountains, and Harry an older alpha wolf from a pack that spanned the valleys a distance away.

Louis had been out exploring, eventually finding himself at the border marking the end of their pack’s territory and he’d stood there hesitantly, wanting to see more, yet also with the knowledge that it was forbidden to go beyond the borders.

And he should have turned back then and there, really, but he was just so curious, and so he did what he did. He took a step over, and another, and another, the trepidation subsiding and exhilaration building till he was once again dancing happily away, following a little bunny on its path through the forest he’d somehow found himself in.

He hadn’t known then, that the forest marked the borders of Harry’s pack’s territory, and was no man’s land- the perfect place for rogues lying in wait for unsuspecting travellers to rob their fill of riches and potential mates. Louis hadn’t even known of rogues, or the danger they posed, not until he was suddenly faced with a single one, its grey fur matted with traces of blood and caked with dirt.

“Oh, look at what we have here!” He leered with a smug smirk, teeth gleaming wickedly as he slowly advanced on Louis, the smaller pup raising his chin fiercely, whilst he tried to subtly retreat.

“Aren’t you a pretty lil pup. Delicious smelling too; perfect for a mate, I’d say.” Louis swiped his claws at the grey wolf as he got close, abruptly turning and fleeing immediately after, panic flooding his mind at the thought of being the mate of that disgusting wolf- mating was meant to be pure, made from love and respect, not taken the way he was implying.

Louis would rather die.

The rogue took none too kindly at his little act, racing after him with a fierce snarl, easily overtaking him with his long strides and cornering him against a large boulder. He shoved him roughly against the jagged surface, Louis yelping in pain and trembling with fear as the other male pinned him down and started tugging at his pants.

He’s not entirely sure what happened next, his eyes squeezed shut through the ordeal, but the next he knew, the rogue was ripped away from him with a pained grunt, and Louis himself stolen into Harry’s strong arms with a protective growl.

“Get out of here.” Harry stated with a harsh glare to the rogue where he was sprawled on the ground, watching the scene unfold with narrowed eyes as he challenged with a furious snap of his jaw.

“Make me. You’re holding onto something of mine, and I want him back.”

“Take a good look around you. Recognize where you are?” The grey wolf glanced around; face paling and eyes growing wide with fear as he realized where they’d ended up.

“This-This is-”

“That’s right. You’re on Styles’ territory, and you better get out of here right now, mate, or the others will have no qualms about dealing with a filthy rogue like you.”

He had scampered at that, tail tucked between his legs like the coward he was, and Harry turned to Louis, focusing his emerald eyes on the smaller male.

“Are you alright?” He asked in his signature rich drawl, and Louis was only able to nod dumbly, awestruck as he was with the sheer beauty of the older wolf.

“You’re bleeding. I’m sorry, but I hope you don’t mind?” Harry murmured softly, gently picking his arm up to examine the rather deep gash. Louis shook his head minutely, watching raptly as the alpha glanced up almost shyly at him, before dipping his head to lick across the wound, the skin mending together effortlessly.

“There we go. Thankfully it wasn’t too deep of a wound.”

“I- Thank you…?”

“Oops! I’m Harry. Harry Styles. And you’re very welcome.”

“I’m Louis.”

“Where are you from Louis? A young pup like you shouldn’t be wandering around on your own; it’s not safe.” Louis bowed his head shamefully at the gentle chiding, scuffing the toe of his shoe sheepishly across the ground.

“I know, I’m sorry, I just wanted to see what was beyond the borders… I’m from the mountains.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me, I’m only worried about you, that’s all. Come on, I’ll take you back.”

And Harry did, starting up a casual chat as he guided him through the surrounding forest and back to the stream that ran their borders.

“Well, this is you, I suppose. It was nice meeting you, Louis.”

“Thank you for saving me, Harry, and for walking me home, I’m really happy that I met you.” Harry smiled, dimples popping as he waved for the younger male to go on. Louis grinned, skipping across the stream to make his way back home. He paused hesitantly, turning to see Harry walking away.

“Harry!” He called, bounding back and pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek as he turned, dropping back onto the balls of his feet and grinning up at the alpha’s surprised face, before springing over the stream again and calling out a happy farewell.

“Take care of yourself, Harry! Who knows when I might need your services again!” He heard Harry’s deep laughter behind him.

“You too, don’t get into any more trouble, little pup!”

He burst through the front door into the kitchen, where his mum was preparing for dinner and broke out into an excited explanation of meeting a new friend named Harry, deciding to keep his stressful ordeal to himself. He then looked to his mum in wonderment and asked innocently, if he would be able to mate with Harry one day. He didn’t understand the look that crossed his parents’ faces as they exchanged a look, Jay crouching to his level and murmuring gently to keep that thought to himself and never allow the any other of the pack members to hear that because it was forbidden to mate with a rivaling pack- most especially with a Styles.

He hadn’t understood then, but kept his mouth shut about it anyway, and yet somehow it was leaked out that Harry had walked him home. The very next day, he was fetched to the pack leader, before whom he stood nervously as he was stared down and studied intensely, and suddenly the pack alpha had smiled (rather crookedly) and asked Louis how he would like to learn and train with a “special” group of alphas- the assassins, he later learned- a “privilege” unheard of previously as omegas were considered to be weaker than their alpha counterparts, but offered to Louis because he had “potential”.

Louis naturally accepted, and started training the day after.

Louis whimpered as he drew out of his thoughts, heart aching with the knowledge that he’d caused this and inevitably lost the one person he would ever want.

His alpha.

His soulmate.

He wondered if it would have been better for them to have taken him after all.

~

Louis peered over the top of the ditch he’d hidden himself in, a canopy of thick tree roots shielding him from view. He winced as two large alphas burst through foliage, sniffing at the air to try and gauge his location- he thanked the heavens that he had the foresight to take scent blockers beforehand, a couple of pills hidden here and there on his body, along with his suppressants.

He recognized them from his training days, considerably older and more experienced alpha assassins, who he knew that he had no chance of beating; he had neither as much training, nor the experience to do so, and it would be suicidal for him to try. He couldn’t move, not for fear of alerting them with the snap of a twig or crunch of the dead leaves, both of which surrounded him in abundance.

The only chance he had of making out of this alive was to wait it out.

Louis let out an inaudible sigh, resting his head tiredly against the moss covered patch behind him. Those days seemed so long ago, as if from a different life- though he supposed they almost were. He remembered the shock and devastation ripping at the seams of his heart, blood draining from his face when he’d received details for his first (and only) assassination.

Harry Styles.

The job itself was simple- he was to form a bond with the alpha, gaining his trust (and possibly even his love, Louis thought because he know what he’d felt, unwavering still all these years on, and he hoped that maybe, maybe, the elder would return it- assuming that he still remembered him, of course), and when the opportunity came up… Well.

It was meant to be a straightforward job, only Louis had always known, much as he tried to convince himself otherwise, that he felt too deeply for the alpha- one who had saved his life, nonetheless; one who was wonderful and lovely, and who he believed, dare he say it, to be his soulmate- to ever hurt him. Omegas were gentle, submissive to start with, which was the main reason why they weren’t trained in any form of combat because they weren’t believed to be built for such, but Louis was…Well, ordinary Louis. He wasn’t entirely sure why he’d been chosen for training.

He’d been trained to override his instincts, to suppress the guilt that tore at his gut and rippled through his entire body at the thought of killing because he had an obligation to his pack, and all the more so to the pack leader who had bestowed such an honour upon him.

Louis didn’t want to do it- God knows he didn’t- but he had his orders; he had his loyalty and obligations to his pack, and he couldn’t ignore those either, but.

This was Harry- his alpha.

It was simply unthinkable.

Nevertheless, he made his way through the forest to the edge of the Styles’ pack territory, citing a rather convincing backstory of being disowned by his pack when he’d been caught by a patrolling guard and brought before Harry.

He remembered how easy it had been to fall for the elder again; all it had taken was a single look, the glint of familiarity in those sparkling emeralds, the comforting scent of spiced apples and home, the dimples deepening as he greeted simply, in that slow drawl of his.

“Hi Louis.”

“Hey Curly.”

And it was then, as they’d stood there grinning widely at each other, a call of something more thrumming beneath his skin, that Louis knew that he was screwed.

Louis spent a lot of time with Harry, their friendship growing rapidly as the alpha sought him out often, and they would take quiet strolls through the park and learning about each other, or lay side by side on the rooftop underneath glimmering stars and chatted about the future.

He learnt that Harry was an amazing photographer, and once considered it as a career choice, but then decided to study law on the side instead, caught up with ideas of how to better the lives of the pack members. He learnt that Harry loved children, and they loved him in return, for how great he was with them, and that everyone loved him- even the animals. He learnt that Harry used to work in a bakery, purely because he could and he wanted to, and could also make the best chocolate chip cookies ever known to man (or to Louis, at least), which instantly made him a good person in Louis’ opinion-much to the amusement of the curly haired male. He learnt that Harry was horrible with jokes, absolutely terrible if he was to be honest, but that he laughed at them every time anyway, because that’s what you do for the people you love.

And oh.

Oh.

Maybe he was learning something about himself too.  

The days had passed by in a blissful, yet intensely thrilling whirlwind of soft touches and shy glances; light laughter and sappy pickup lines; romantic gestures and rapidly building sexual tension- all of which had come to a head one day, when they were trudging through knee deep snow, giggling loudly as they playfully shoved at each other, and Harry had misjudged the force he’d used and ended up almost tackling Louis to the ground instead.

The smaller male had landed on his back with a pained oof, cushioning Harry’s fall as he sprawled clumsily across him, hastily propping himself up on to his elbows to peer down anxiously at his friend.

“I’m so sorry, Lou, are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine…” Louis started, eyes flicking up to meet Harry’s with a soft smile, both freezing in shock, cheeks flushed and eyes wide as they realized how close they actually were.

“Lou, I…” Louis licked his lips nervously, the air between them warming as Harry’s gaze trailed down to follow the gesture, groaning deeply at the sight of those thin lips glistening slightly. He dropped his head, catching those cherry tinted lips with his own, melting into the kiss as the younger male responded, fingers reaching up to tangle in his curls.

“Lou, I think I…” Harry murmured softly as they broke apart for air, heart heavy with the emotions he’d so desperately wanted to tell the other male; thoughts and words that he’d never before dared imagine speaking aloud balanced precariously on the tip of his tongue.

“No, don’t. Harry, please don’t say it.” Louis pleaded, eyes shining suspiciously before he turned away briefly; chin wobbling as he sniffed quietly.

“Why not? Do you not feel the same way?” He frowned, brows furrowed with confusion and hurt as he was abruptly cut off, because he was so sure that he hadn’t been mistaken- that Louis had wanted the same as he had.

“I do, H, of course I do. More than you know, but you can’t.”

“…Why can’t I tell you that I love you?” Louis let out a small sob at that, shaking his head futilely as if to erase those words from his mind.

“Because you can’t love me, Haz. I’m not- I’m not who you think I am. I’m not good- not right- You should leave me and find another.” Harry shook his head, grasping Louis’ chin firmly between his fingers, eyes blazing with fierce determination.

“I don’t want another, Louis. I only want you. The only way I’m going to leave is if you look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t love me; that you don’t want me.” Louis stayed silent at that, tears dripping into the snow from behind closed lids.

“I want to court you, Louis.” Harry murmured, lightly thumbing at the prominent vein on his smaller love’s neck, tracing it down across tanned skin to where their bond mark would lay, allowing his fingers to ghost lightly across the sensitive skin there as it tinged with goose bumps.  

Louis froze at that, heart soaring with elation that Harry wanted him- it would never fail to surprise him, no matter if the curly haired male had mentioned it before, or how often it’d been heavily implied by their friends- yet while simultaneously thumped viciously with anxiety and fear- because he couldn’t, not when he knew what courting would lead to; bonding and mating, and he couldn’t do that to Harry.

Not when he didn’t know how much longer he wouldbecouldbe around for.

He swallowed tightly, turning his head as his spirits sunk with the heavy reminder. He knew what he had to do- he’d have to reject Harry, as much as it would pain him to do so; as much as it would kill him to hurt Harry as he knew it would- he knew he would never be able to truly be with the alpha the way he longed to.

But it was better now, than later, when Harry would have to feel the effects of a broken bond, pure anguish tearing through his soul as their bond was severed.

No. It was better this way- it had to be.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, H.” Louis stuttered softly, lashes fluttering open to reveal still watery devastated blues, the rich colour enhanced by the glim of his tears.

“Why not? I love you and you love me, so why shouldn’t we? What aren’t you telling me, Lou?” Harry implored, voice low as if to assure him that he would still love him; he was only asking out of concern and not with accusation.

“I’m not- It’s not safe. I can’t tell you. You’ll hate me if I do, and as selfish as that sounds, I don’t want to lose you.” Harry shook his head adamantly, chin lifting in defiance.

“You’ll never lose me.”

“I will! You say that now, but I know… I won’t be around forever, Haz.” Louis whispered, voice trembling with effort to retain some semblance of composure, trying desperately to convince himself that it would be okay when Harry walked away from him.

No one would want an omega who they couldn’t have forever with, let alone Louis, who was far from a textbook omega.

He wasn’t worth it, and Harry would see that surely.

���Okay. But you’re here right now, aren’t you?”

“I don’t…”

“I love you, Lou, and if I can’t have you forever, so be it. I’ll take what I can.” Harry shrugged nonchalantly, eyes softening as they met with Louis’ own wide frantic orbs.

“You’re everything to me, Lou. You’re my mate.” Louis broke at that, surging upwards with a choked whimper to press their lips together in a heated kiss, sweet and salty from the tears mixed in.

Everything had fallen in place then, the same way they had so easily fallen into place with each other, because they were meant to be- needed each other more than anything else, and there was nothing to be done about that.

Louis pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes, taking a shuddering breath in an attempt to hold back the tears.

He’d been betraying the most important person to him, since the very beginning. He may have had Harry’s heart, once, and God knows he cherishes every single moment that he’s had with the alpha, but he’d dug his own grave and now it was time to lay in it.

I don't know who's gonna kiss you when I'm gone, So I'm gonna love you now, like it's all I have, I know it'll kill me when it's over, I don't wanna think about it, I want you to love me now.

~

Louis received his orders again later on in the month, demanding immediate results, or that he return to explain himself- more specifically, why Harry Styles was still well and truly alive. He swallowed back the bile rising in his throat at the thought of facing his pack alpha, of disappointing him, especially having been the recipient of such privilege.

Solely failing a mission might be frowned upon– his status as an assassin stripped from him, casted out among the commoners and humiliated for failing the leader- but to fall in love with the enemy was downright unacceptable. He could only imagine the punishments that would be inflicted on him, imprisonment perhaps, the disgrace he would have brought to the Tomlinson name, and- God, what if his family was cast out because of his mistake?

Louis had no choice but to obey- or so he tried to convince himself, as he laid in bed with tears streaming down his face that night. He knew he wouldn’t be able to, not with Harry breathing so serenely behind him, warm breaths puffing across his neck, face relaxed and vulnerable in sleep because he trusted Louis- he couldn’t betray that.

“If it weren’t for the connection you had with Styles, I wouldn’t  have had you trained.” He scoffed at the shock written across the younger wolf’s face, hurt swirling in his lapis eyes.

“What, you didn’t think you were special, did you? Please, you’re nothing if not for that.” Louis sucked in a sharp breath, hurt from the cruel words blooming in his chest; he’d never thought he was anything remotely special, and had wondered why he’d been chosen as the only omega to join, and later on, he’d also had his suspicions with his first mission.

It couldn’t all be a coincidence that he just so happened to be assigned to Harry after all.

And suddenly, Louis had enough- of denying his feelings, of the guilt he felt every time he remembered his mission, of the anguish he felt at having to kill his potential mate, of being betrayed and used by the pack alpha- a leader who was sworn to have the pack’s best interests at heart, and yet. He looked at the pack leader, drawing himself up as tall as he could and stating that Harry was kind and wonderful, and would make the perfect alpha one day.

And then he’d marched out to the jeer that he wasn’t being a fool, because Harry would never love him if he knew the truth. Tears burning at the back of his eyes because he knew that it was the truth- even if he had hoped that things could work out. And then he would be left all alone by his lonesome self because once he walked out, he could no longer come back to this pack.

He would never be able to see his family again.

But then he thought of Harry, beautiful Harry, and steeled himself, because this was the only way he could be left alone to have a future with the alpha.

I should have known it wouldn’t be that simple, Louis mused bitterly as he sped up, legs burning with the strain.

He’d had months of peace, almost a full year and he had relaxed, dropped his guard down and begun to believe that perhaps he really was free- until last night, when Harry had ordered him out and he’d retreated to his old chambers down in the village where the non-royal pack members lived. He’d felt perturbed the entire night, the air highly strung with a disturbingly strange but familiar tension, and he hadn’t placed it till his sharpened senses picked up on another presence- stealthy and silent, blending into the night; unnoticeable to those even just marginally less observant then Louis himself, almost as if it were-

Assassins, Louis realized with a flinch, throwing himself to the side right as the window he’d stood by splintered into a million fragments and the intruder charged at him. He rolled to the side, snatching the blade he’d hidden under his pillow for easy access and onto his knee in a crouch, on the offensive. The intruder- a reddish brown wolf- sneered at him, clearly deeming the omega an unworthy opponent.

Good. He wouldn’t be expecting anything from Louis then.

The omega waited with baited breath as the other male drew back, teeth gleaming in wicked grin, kicking off against the wall behind him to launch himself upwards and backwards in a flip as the red wolf pounced, driving his knife deep into his opponent as he slammed onto his back- a move he’d picked up from one of the Styles’ guards as he watched during their training sessions.

And then he’d bolted, flying out the broken window and taking off into the night.

He wasn’t safe here- there would be others coming after him now.

It seemed that he was merely a useless hindrance that needed to be gotten rid of if he wasn’t going to fulfill his mission.

~

Louis bolted awake at the sharp snap of a twig, heart thudding furiously. He strained his ears, picking up on the faint, careless patter of footsteps heading his way and raised into a crouch- muscles tensed, ready to run. He watched silently from his perch on a branch high off the ground as the same two alpha assassins broke into the small clearing under him; he was immensely glad that he’d always been a somewhat mischievous pup, his tree climbing expertise built from those playful days.

“Hey, Josh is calling for us to turn back; he says that Styles in these woods too- he’s planning an ambush.” Louis gasped, feeling his blood run cold at the words as he frantically scrambled to his feet, launching himself through the treetops while simultaneously trying to keep an eye on the other two- he had to get to Harry before they did.

Louis scoped the areas desperately, trying to locate his mate. He could feel their bond tugging at him, steadily growing in strength as he closed in on Harry, and- There. Louis faltered as he caught a whiff of his alpha’s tantalizing scent, his inner omega whining longingly to reunite with his mate. His thoughts stuttered briefly, knowing that Harry didn’t wish to see him again; the omega cowered faintly at the reminder and at the thought of further invoking his wrath and rejection, but needing to warn him of the danger he was in before-

He caught a flicker of movement in his peripheral, whipping his head to the side to spy a tall blonde hidden a slight distance away; bow at the ready, aimed at Harry’s turned back. There was no time to stop it- he could see the slight flex of fingers as the man prepared to release the bowstring. Heart pounding to the mantra of HarryHarryHarry monopolizing his entire being, Louis exploded into a sand coloured blur mid turn as he raced towards his mate- he could only pray that he was close enough to reach Harry in time.

Louis lunged for Harry with a loud cry of Haz; his only warning before he was tumbling straight into the larger wolf, the small thud of the arrow as it imbedded itself in his flesh shocking the air from his lungs as he gasped from the searing pain blooming across his chest.

“Lou!” He heard vaguely over the rush of blood in his ears, eyes squeezed tight as he shallowly tried to breathe through the pain, whimpering when he felt familiar warm palms scrambling desperately over his face. Louis peeked up through slit lids, a strained smile on his lips as he was met with the sight of a distraught Harry.

“Stay with me, boo.”

He’d always known that one day, it’d come to this; that he would have to choose between Harry and his family- himself, even- albeit in different circumstances, but that he’d have to choose. He’d always known too, that it wasn’t- wouldn’t even be a choice, not really; it’d be Harry, always Harry.

He’d turned from his family, walked away from his past; already had killed for Harry, would die for Harry, if it came down to it, without a single doubt in his mind, no hesitation in his step, anything if it meant that Harry would live.

“NO!” Harry roared when Louis’ eyes fell shut. He lifted his head with a murderous glare, dark fur bristling as he charged across the land in broad leaps, blood boiling with rage at the sheer audacity of the wolf who fired that shot- no one could hurt Louis and get away with it.

~

Harry dropped to his knees, scooping the fragile broken body into his arms, letting out a choked sob as the younger male’s head lolled limply with no sign of consciousness. Louis was still alive- he could feel the weak thread flowing through him, but it was fading fast.

“Lou. Lou, baby, open your eyes. Please, boo, let me see those gorgeous eyes, come on.”

He breathed out a sigh of relief as the lithe male sighed- barely a small puff of air- lids fluttering before slowly opening to reveal a sliver of pain filled orbs.

“Hey sweetheart, there you are.”

“H-Harry…”

“You’re going to be okay, I’ll make sure of that.” Harry soothingly shushed Louis, kissing him chastely on the lips before flashing him an apologetic smile, reaching forward to quickly snap the arrow close to the wound, his small lover letting out anguished whimpers as he pawed at Harry pitifully.

“I’m sorry, boo. I know it hurts, we’ll get you better now.”

“H-Hazza, I-I need to tell y-” Louis gasped through shuddering breaths, fingers digging into Harry’s chest desperately, breaking into a harsh coughing fit, a trail of crimson trickling from the corner of his lips when he finally slumped back into the comforting warmth of his lover’s embrace.

“I- I l-love you.”  Harry smiled down at his mate, cradled firmly in his arms as he got to his feet, briskly making his way back home; mind racing with thoughts of getting Louis to safety and more importantly, to the help he needed.

“I know, darling. I never doubted that for a second; I wouldn’t be alive if you didn’t love me, and I know that’s why they were after you. I was just hurt that you didn’t feel like you could trust me with that information, because I could have protected you, but I never doubted your love, and I love you too, Lou. So you can’t leave me, okay? You can’t.”

“H-Harry…” Louis rasped out, smiling softly as he reached trembling fingers up to brush lightly against his cheekbones, tilting his head ever so slightly to press a lingering kiss to the warm skin of Harry’s chest, right where his heart was beating strong.

I love you. He thought, smile never leaving his lips as he sent an apology to his lover through their bond, giving in to the numbing darkness creeping over his mind.

I’m sorry.

~

“Lou, I heard the most ridiculous thing today.” Harry called, striding through their bedroom door to where Louis was getting ready for bed.

“Hmm?”

“Well, Nick went out with some of the other lads last night, to that pub out in the village- the one that travellers like to gather at? Anyway, he told me that he overheard this alpha wolf complaining to his companion about the mission they were on, and then he’d heard him saying about an omega Tomlinson, and how he couldn’t even do his first assassination proper. So naturally, Nick runs back to tell me about how you’re that said Tomlinson. Don’t worry though; I’ve already dismissed that nonsensical notion of his. I mean, what on earth is he thinking, right?” Harry scoffed, coming up behind Louis and nuzzling contentedly into his neck in greeting.

“W-What?”

“Why do you look so nervous? It’s not like it’s true.” Harry frowned at the slight break in Louis’ voice, pulling back to look at his younger mate, heart sinking as he noted the stiff posture and wide eyed expression.

“…It’s not true, is it Lou?” He asked carefully, voice laced with trepidation as he willed the omega to reply in the negative. Louis stayed silent, head bowed shamefully.

“Oh God.”

“I can explain-” Harry ripped himself from Louis, running a hand though his frazzled curls as he paced agitatedly, throwing a hand out in exasperation as he spun to face the lithe male.

“Explain? There’s nothing to explain, Louis! You’ve been lying to me this whole time, I can’t-”

“Harry, please-” Louis tried pleadingly, reaching a hand out to the alpha, heart shattering into a million shards when he shook his head and backed away, faced morphed in disappointment and hurt.

“No. I don’t want to hear it- You need to leave. I can’t even stand to look at you right now.”

“I-Okay. I’m sorry, Harry, for what it’s worth. I never wanted to hurt you.” He murmured quietly, casting a final despairing glance over his alpha, storing the image to his memories before soundlessly removing himself from the room.

It would be all he had left of Harry now.

~

Louis stirred, brows furrowing as he slowly roused from his unconscious state. He felt… weird; painless but floaty, and he briefly wondered if he’d died after all. He tensed as the thought flickered through his mind, because he couldn’t be dead- there was still so much that he had to tell Harry. He had to let him know that he loves him; that he’d always been in love with him, ever since he’d rescued him all those years ago, and how grateful he was that he’d somehow managed to receive Harry’s love in return.

His body felt as if it was made of lead, weighing him down, as he whined pitifully. His thoughts were fuzzy, disorientated, cogs turning sluggishly as he struggled to retrieve his memories of the past events; he’d been running, that much he could remember, and there were two wolves and Harry-

Harry. I need to find Harry.

Louis jerked upright with a choked gasp, doubling over in pain as his chest erupted with flames; he coughed weakly, feeling more than hearing the soothing coos into his hair as a warm, and very very familiar palm smoothed down the ridges of his spine.

“Shh, shh. You’re okay, Lou. Take deep breaths for me, love.”

“H-arry?” He winced, peering through watering eyes to see his alpha propping himself up onto an elbow beside him. Harry shook his head disapprovingly, urging him down as he wrapped him up into a warm cuddle, tucking the blankets tighter around them both.

“Yeah, it’s me, sweetheart. Lay back down for me, darling, you’re not well yet. You shouldn’t have moved so quickly; you might tear your stitches.”

“H-Harry, I’m s-sorry- I need to tell you-”

“Shh, everything is fine, Lou. I’m not angry, it’s all fine. We’re fine.”

“I-I don’t- I love you.” Always have, always will. Louis sighed, voice faint with exhaustion as he gazed at his alpha, eyes burning with the intensity of his feelings. Harry choked out a broken Louis at that, all faux semblance of composure dismissed as he buried his face into Louis’ neck, cradling his fragile body close.

“I love you too. God, I love you, Lou. I was so scared when you- then you wouldn’t open your eyes, and I-I thought I was going to lose you. I can’t lose you, Lou.”

“Oh Haz.” The small omega sighed again, pressing firm comforting kisses to his lover’s skin, blinking back the tears in his own eyes as he listened to him cry.

“You won’t lose me, Haz. I’ll stay for as long as you’ll have me, we’re okay.” Louis promised, nudging his nose to the pulse point beneath Harry’s chin, right where his bonding mark lay. Harry sniffed quietly, lifting his head to reveal red rimmed eyes as he placed a wet kiss to Louis’ own mark, suckling gently as the omega’s eyes slipping shut at the feeling of bliss washing over him.

“But what about your pack? Your family?” Louis scoffed, tangling his hand into Harry’s curls and tugging lightly to bring his gaze back up to him.

“No one will dare attack us here- that’s the only reason why I was sent, because he thought that you would trust me; he won’t dare to try anything else. And if he does… We’ll face it together. You’re all I have now, H.” The taller male lurched forward to capture his mate’s lips in a searing kiss, pushing all his emotions through their bond- feelings that words could not even begin to describe, all the endless Iloveyous and Ineedyous; the gratitude and hope and love.

“Together. I like the sound of that. I love you so much babe.”

“I love you too.”

~Fin.~

[doof-doofblog]

"What Do You Say?"

Tuesday 10th November 2020

(Part 1)

Hello again everyone! I hope you all are having a great week so far, I believe there were two episodes of EastEnders that I needed to catch up on, I believe it's because Children In Need is on Friday evening, so we were lucky to have two episodes! Considering I have things to do at home and also still working during this second lockdown, I'm going to do one post a day and hopefully by Friday or the weekend, I will completely be up to date. So today's post with focus on part 1 of yesterday's soap and then tomorrow I will cover part 2! I know we have a lot to get through, so I won't waste anymore of your time. Let's get started.

The first episode begins I'm assuming the day after Katy showing up, Mick is rummaging through some old boxes and asking Linda about finding some old photo albums. They bring up the memory of Linda's Dad's 40th birthday and that it was their first kiss whilst hiding in a cupboard. Linda recalls Mick not complimenting the dress she wore that day and went to hide, in attempt to be noticed by him. Mick recalls her dress being pink with black polka-dots, although Linda remembers her dress being yellow - now that could be an interesting question, who's dress is Mick remembering, could it have been something that Katy wore years ago?! Please don't tell me he's getting mixed up between Katy and his wife! Linda recalls the memory as a happy one, but when she changes the subject and mentions Katy, once again Mick goes cold and shrugs it off. As Mick hurries to leave the flat, Linda tries to remind him about the appointment she made for him regarding his medication, but once again, it falls on deaf ears as Mick hurries out of the flat with Ollie.

Meanwhile, in the Square, Shirley is confiding in Tina about calling Katy and putting her foot in it with Mick. But Tina reassures her sister that Mick was (in her view) overjoyed to see Katy. Funnily enough, as they continue their conversation, Katy makes an appearance and it looks as if it is the first time that Katy and Shirley have officially met each other. I love the look on Shirley's face, she doesn't look that all impressed at all! Katy reveals that she'll be meeting up with Frankie. Acting civil, Shirley thanks Katy for looking after Tina and Mick all those years ago. As she appreciates her gratitude, Katy admits that its nice for her to see Shirley face-to-face after hearing so much about her, to which Shirley agrees as they go their separate ways. However something is telling me that Shirley isn't feeling 100% sure about Katy, is she going to find out about her evil past?

At the undertakers, Tiffany drops by to give Rainie some flowers, she reveals how devastated and sorry both she and Keegan were for her accident and her losing the baby (unbeknown to them that there wasn't a baby). Rainie informs Tiffany that she and Jay will be on their own as she and Stuart are nipping out, as they leave, Honey walks in to drop off some lunch for Jay. Ooooh and once again I can sense some flirtation between the two of them. But then again, it looks to me like Honey is kind of mothering Jay a bit, however the little smile on his face after she drops the sandwich off, looks as if he could be falling for her. What do you guys think?!

At the Slater household, Stacey is convinced that Kat is up to something after finding out that she's going to be cleaning for Phil. As the conversation continues, it seems as if Kat's idea to do a robbery is still on her mind, as it appears to be the only way to clear Kush's debt. As Kat gathers her things together to leave the house, Stacey asks her what she's going to do while she's over at Phil's and Kat just states that she's going to make sure that he doesn't underestimate her and her family. What really is Kat up to?

Out on the Square, Katy chases up Mick asking him to stick to his promise about meeting with Frankie. However, Mick is having a change of mind, after Katy informed him that he's not Frankie's father after all. Mick admits to her that he simply can't go through it, he mentions that he has a family on the Square that he needs to put first but when Katy accuses him of calling her a "Kiddie-fiddler" he is quick to defend himself. She tells them from what he said to Frankie, he needs to help her sort it out. Mick eventually agrees to meet with Frankie.

At the hospital, Rainie and Stuart have been to their fertility appointment. The nurse gives them the devastating news that due to the problems and issues of her insides, Rainie will be unable to carry a baby. This is clearly a devastating blow for the couple, Rainie seem quick to accept it and is wanting to leave the room in a hurry, I get the feeling she just wants to escape. The nurse does try to soften the blow, explaining that if they were desperate to have a child, there are other ways that they could look into, but Rainie is just wanting to get out of there. However before Stuart follows her, he turns back and questions the nurse about what meant - what other ways and options do they have? And before he leaves he picks up a handful of brochures.

Returning to Kat, she has made it to the Mitchell household, can I just mention how much I love these two in scenes together, Jessie Wallace and Steve McFadden are just brilliant. It's very rare we see them together, and they're characters are so different you could never imagine them crossing each other's path. But I just love how this has unfolded, I love the banter backwards and forwards between them. I love the way she described a mobile phone to Phil as she was trying to get him to leave the house while she cleaned. Suddenly Phil's phone rings and Ritchie is on the end, he notifies Kat to leave the room whilst he takes the phone call. Phil starts mentioning divorce proceedings to Ritchie, I'm assuming between him and Sharon. From what I can make out, their discussing what possible assets that Sharon could get from the divorce, Phil admit that he has nothing of value, whilst unbeknown to him, Kat is behind the kitchen door listening in on the conversation.

Eventually Mick and Katy have finally met up with Frankie, honestly - it looks like none of them want to be there. Frankie kind of makes it clear that she doesn't want to be there, so she tells them if they have anything to say just say it. I felt this scene was quite a sad one, Mick informs Frankie, by what he's been told from Katy, that he's not her Dad. He informs her that he was so confused when she turned up and that he couldn't remember exactly what happened between him and Katy. However, Frankie at first doesn't look like she's believing a word he's saying, at first she convinced her Mum has put him up to saying these things. She happens the mention the love letters that Mick sent Katy as a kid, and Mick informs her that her Mum never responded to the letters. Something deep down is telling me that Katy has manipulated Mick into telling Frankie he's not her Dad, because it would be the only way of keeping her dirty secret from her daughter. I do feel that Mick was slowly coming round to the idea of being Frankie's father. This isn't the end of this storyline, I do feel that eventually Katy's abuse towards Mick will come alight and the identity of Frankie's father will be revealed, officially! Frankie can't believe what she's hearing and is feels guilty to believing that her Mum was an abuser, she storms away after telling Mick she's glad he's not her Father. While Katy and Frankie walk away, Mick is looking much more lost and confused than ever before.

Back on the Square, Tiffany finds Rainie alone in the park, she approaches her quite slowly and once again apologises for loss. It's then Rainie comes clean and admits that there wasn't a baby. Tiffany can't understand at first, she questions whether she made it up and caused Keegan and herself upset and stress for no reason. It's clear Rainie isn't the mood for an argument so she just admits to it, simply just saying "Yep!" - but Tiffany can see that something isn't right, she doesn't buy what Rainie is telling her. She recalls how upset she was the previous day, she decides to sit along side her and console her, what has really happened? Rainie then tells Tiffany the full truth, informing her that she'd suffered a phantom pregnancy and that her mind tricking her body into thinking she was pregnant. Suddenly it all makes sense and Rainie can't keep her tears inside and sobs softly. Tiffany tries her best to console her new boss and tells her that herself and Stuart would've made brilliant parents in their fun and weird ways.

Returning to the Mitchell household, Phil is stunned to see his house still untidy. Kat is no where to be seen, he looks across the kitchen to find a handwritten note reading, "I don't do washing up. Gone for a drink!". At the Vic, Kathy walks into the pub looking for Ian, Sharon stops her in her tracks asking whether she's happy to have Ian living with her again. But then Kathy drops the bombshell to her that Ian hasn't been welcome at the Beale household ever since they found out he defrauded her. Sharon is visibly stunned to learn this information about her friend. Kathy pleads to her not to mention it to anyone as it's a big issue within their family and they don't want anyone else knowing, which is understandable. But something tells me Sharon will find this information to her use? Could she end up telling Max, we know that Ian used Max's share of the restaurant to pay for the Vic for Sharon. When Max found out, he gave Ian some strict instructions to pay him back in instalments, but not much has been said about it since, is Ian even still paying Max back? Or will Sharon use this information to her advantage? I'm literally just guessing, but I do feel something is going to happen now Sharon has been made aware of what Ian's done. Suddenly Phil makes his way into the pub, firstly pointing out to Sharon that she appears to be dragging this divorce out longer than he thought, but Sharon purposes that if he gives her a fair settlement, they'll have a join divorce party in the Vic, because otherwise he wont be able to pay for his own. As she walks away giggles can be heard from the other side of the pub, Phil looks over and sees Kat sat with Stacey having a drink. He seems annoyed that she appears to have just left everything and not finished the cleaning work in his house. He approaches the table almost mouthing off at them, but I just love how Kat is just playing along. Stacey questions whether she's hot in her leopard print fur coat, she takes it off to reveal she wearing Phil's West Ham football shirt. She plays dumb with the man saying she bought it off the market, but Phil knows exactly what she's playing at as she realises she overheard him on the phone, mentioning that the football shirt was valuable. But Kat just admits that she's just a cleaner who knows nothing about nothing. He walks away looking defeated, but I can't quite understand to why Kat has done this. Was this to maybe grab his attention into helping her with the robbery? Who knows? What do you guys think?

Returning to the undertakers, Rainie is looking for her husband. He reveals himself from another room and informs his wife that he's been worried about her. Its then her tells her that he's been reading some leaflets in her absence, I do feel that Stuart is really trying to make an effort and really help his wife here which I just think is incredibly cute and adorable. I know I've mentioned it before but I can't get over how these two characters have done a complete U-turn and have changed their lives, especially Stuart. I hated him when he first came into the soap, but now I absolutely love his character! He makes me smile every time he appears in a scene, I have to say Ricky Champ is an absolutely brilliant actor, I don't think he gets the credit he deserves - saying that, neither does Tanya Franks! They are both incredible actors and EastEnders are so lucky to have them as part of their cast - I totally believe that! Stuart informs his wife that even though they've been given the devastating news that Rainie can't carry a baby, it doesn't necessarily mean that their chances of being parents are over. Stuart shows her a leaflet regarding surrogacy. He tells her that the money they have saved they will be able to afford it and they would be able to choose a person they know if they wished, he acknowledges that it will be a long and difficult path to take, but it wouldn't be impossible. He decides to leave the leaflet for his wife to glance at and even accept her wishes if she decides to bin it, but mentions the valid point - what is the harm in looking/trying?! As he disappears, Rainie takes a big sigh and glances inside the leaflet for a brief moment, suddenly she looks at the bunch of flowers that Tiffany brought to her earlier in the day and hurries on out of the undertakers. Has she thought of something? Could Tiffany perhaps be the one to help them out?!

Back at the Vic, Mick is sat alone as Katy approaches him. Once again, he's looking lost - as if he doesn't know where to go or what to do. Katy sits beside him and tells him to tell her what's on his mind. He reveals to her that he hasn't been feeling great the past couple of weeks, he tells her that he's been having panic attacks and he's on medication for them, but recently he feels that there hasn't been much point. He reveals that he's feeling sad because he feels he has lost a daughter, when in fact she wasn't even part of his life in the first place, but I guess they had slowly started to build a bond. When Mick states that he sees no point in anything anymore, Katy tells him to stop talking and to look at her in the eyes, it then that it made me feel a little bit uncomfortable - it looks as if what she's saying to him is taking him back to the days when he was a child in care, her telling him that he's different, he's special. Once again, the act of grooming!! She informs Mick that the other children who were in care the same time as him have all ended up either in prison or on the streets, whereas he has made something of his life, he's become a married man with a children, he has a family and even ran a successful pub. Mick looks teary as she once again gets inside his head, she gets up to leave but he tries to stop her, calling out her name ... she turns and tells him to go home to his wife. Hmmm, what do you guys think of Katy? Is she hiding a dark secret? Or has it all been in Mick's head? I'd love to hear your thoughts of what you think of the new arrival!

In the back of the Vic, Ian can be seen entering from the back entrance of the pub. Sharon confronts him about Kathy has told her and Ian admits that he did it so he could afford the money on the Vic. But now he's found himself owing two people money, his Mum and Max. He promises he's going to pay his Mum back all the money, Sharon understands his situation and agrees that he can stay in the Vic, as long as he pays Kathy back.

Returning home, Mick finds Linda and apologises for how he's been acting recently, he reveals to his wife that he's willing to go to the appointment she's made for him. He reveals he wants things to be better between them, he wants things to get better as much as she does. Linda is clearly relieved to her husband say these words. It's a glimmer of hope that things could go back to the way they were for them. As they smile at each other, Mick notices the photo album on the kitchen table, he questions his wife where she found it, and prior to their discussion earlier in the day, Linda admits that they were both wrong about what she wore for her Dad's 40 - instead of wearing pink or yellow, she actually wore black. Mick closes the photo book, but something is telling me there must be some significance regarding these dresses. Who was Mick thinking of? Was it another time he recalls being with a girl wearing a pink dress with black polka-dots? Could it have been Katy? And also what occasion could it have been that Linda was wearing a yellow dress? I don't know, I could be completely wrong here and looking into something that wasn't there, but why would they mention it if it wasn't important? Know what I mean? What do you guys think?!

The final scene of this episode, Rainie spots Tiffany in the Square and hurries to catch up with her, calling her name as she does so. Tiffany turns and see her boss almost out of breath, Rainie is incredibly sweet as she acts all shy trying to come up with the words she's trying to get out of asking Tiffany a huge favour. She compares the two - Tiffany is young and Rainie is getting on a bit, to put it politely she's not as young as she used to be, also Tiffany and Keegan are skint at the moment whereas for the first time in her life, Rainie has a bit of money to hand - Tiffany can't quite see where her friend is going with this, she pushes her for what she's asking. Rainie then asks the big question - £10,000 for the use of her womb! Will she be a surrogate for her and Stuart?! After 9 months, Tiffany and Keegan will get their money and Stuart and Rainie will have the baby they've been longing for.

I do feel this is a beautiful story, but I do fear something bad could happen down the line. What if Tiffany goes through with it and becomes too attached of the baby and refuses to give it to the couple? What then? Won't that leave Stuart and Rainie with even more heartbreak. Also there is Keegan to consider, will be supportive in this arrangement? I'm really intrigued to see what's going to happen next. I hope you're all having a good day. I will back tomorrow following part 2 of this episode! Thanks again everyone! Love you all xXx

[vileart]

Dramaturgy Away: Nightingale Productions @ Edfringe 2017

Nightingale Productions presents

CARRIED AWAY

by Alexandra Simonet & Lizzie Grace

Directed by Casey Jay Andrews & Laura Trundle

Venue: C Venues – C Royale (venue 6, 22 George Street) Venue box office: 0845 260 1234 / www.CtheFestival.com Fringe box office: 0131 226 0000 / www.edfringe.com Dates: 2nd – 20th August 2017 Performance: 18:00 daily

Crib, check. Nappies, check. Weird, breast-pump thing, check. Losing mind, check. Mum on speed-dial, quickest route to hospital mapped. Phoebe discovers she’s pregnant again after a miscarriage and wants to talk. 

You’re invited into the bedroom of a girl in her mid-twenties frantically trying to figure out what it means to be a woman, to be an adult, to just be a functioning human. An honest conversation about the unspoken problems we’re not allowed to show we’re struggling with. A story about big decisions, bad advice, and making it up as you go along. Fresh, frank new solo-show about starting again.

What was the inspiration for this performance?

For a long time I have wanted to write a play about a woman that has experienced a miscarriage. But, just like many play ideas, I never got round to it.  I think I was a bit scared because the subject matter is so important that I wanted to give myself time and represent it truthfully. However this just manifested in me putting it off! It wasn’t until myself and Alexandra were chatting earlier this year about both our mothers’ experiences with miscarriage and that she had also wanted to write something similar that we thought let’s do this. 

We realised whilst chatting how many other people we knew that had miscarried as well but how little information there is online. We also realised that a lot of people blame themselves and we wanted to show our solidarity with these women and help them understand they are not to blame. So we applied for C venues and after that there was no backing out. I am so glad that we did that because now we will actually get to tell the story we have been wanting to tell for a long time.

Is performance still a good space for the public discussion of ideas? 

Absolutely. In today’s world, so many ideas and debates happen on social media, where you can hide behind your laptop or mobile phone. Live performance gets people away from that. They have to gather together, share a space and have a mutual experience.  People wouldn't feel motivated or intimidated or moved or anything while watching a performance if it wasn't the perfect platform to discuss ideas. 

Our aim with Carried Away is to open up the conversation about issues surrounding miscarriage and we feel the way for us to succeed in this is to have an intimate space, where we can sometimes break the fourth wall to show empathy and support. 

How did you become interested in making performance?

We have both spent the last few years working with Patch of Blue Theatre, where we devise all our shows. We have always been actors but that was where it became apparent to us that we loved creating theatre, from the first pen to page to the last performance. 

Last year we devised ‘We Live By The Sea’, which was all about the life on an autistic teenage girl. We were very passionate about spreading awareness about autism and we ended up getting to tell that story all around the world. Not only were we doing what we loved but it felt important and we want to continue making more theatre like this.

Is there any particular approach to the making of the show?

We started off with a lot of research. We spoke to people that experienced miscarriage, read blogs and listened to stories from a lot of very inspiring women. From doing this, we were then able to decide on the story we wanted for our character Phoebe. 

The topic of miscarriage is so often over looked that we have tried to be as honest as possible in order to truthfully represent the women that have experience losing a baby. One particular thing we were inspired by was how light hearted these women were when they felt heavy and we have tried to mix this into the show. The thing about miscarriage is that, it doesn't make you any less of a woman. Those who have gone through it don't suddenly stop having to go to work, or have arguments with friends or want a social life. We had to remember that, and that's why there's so much of us in it. 

Does the show fit with your usual productions?

This is Nightingale’s debut show, so this is the beginning of us curating our own style. But for us as individual performers I would say this is very different to our previous work. 

Firstly because it is a solo show. I can safely say this is very daunting for us both but also extremely exciting. There is no one else to bounce off of, no one else to help you out if you get stuck. This is also a first for us when it comes to writing. With Patch Of Blue we are a part of the devising process, improvising ideas and trying things out, and then the script is made off the back of that. 

With ‘Carried Away’ we sat in front of our laptops with a blank page and just started writing. However, we have definitely tackled tricky subjects in our previous work and we are definitely not shying away from that here. 

What do you hope that the audience will experience?

We hope that the audience will get an insight into what it is like to have a miscarriage and how it can hugely impact a person’s mental health. The repercussions don’t just last until the end of the recovery time but continue into that person’s future life. 

It can’t just be solved by having another baby. However we also want people that have experienced miscarriage to leave feeling like they aren’t alone. Fear can become a massive part of your state of mind when you have a miscarriage and it is easy to lose any feeling of hopefulness for your future. We want to remind people to be hopeful.

What strategies did you consider towards shaping this audience experience?

Well, we wanted to be truthful, there's high points and low points at all times during life, it's the same with pregnancy. We hope to take the audience on a particular journey with our character phoebe, through her day to day and her little quirks and eccentricities. 

We hope the audience can relate to Phoebe as much as we do.

Carried Away came into existence because earlier this year Alexandra Simonet and Lizzie Grace discovered that both of their mothers had gone through multiple miscarriages. They had to know more, they had to open the conversation about this taboo topic. Through research and development they came across many inspiring stories from other women who had lost babies. They were astounded by how little conversation there is in today’s society about the topic, particularly because in the UK 1 in 6 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Determined to get the conversation going and to let women who have miscarried know they are not alone, Alexandra and Lizzie decided to write Carried Away. Alexandra and Lizzie met whilst training at Mountview Academy of Theatre Arts and both went on to work with Patch of Blue Theatre Company. Whilst devising and writing ‘We Live By The Sea’ with Patch of Blue, they met director Casey Jay Andrews, founding member of Lion House Theatre and HookHitch Theatre. ‘We Live By The Sea’ enjoyed a sell out run at The 2016 Edinburgh Festival Fringe, received a transfer to the Soho Playhouse in New York and picked up three awards at the 2017 Adelaide Fringe, including the Grahame F. Smith Peace Foundation Award for promoting human rights through theatre. Casey Jay Andrews and Laura Trundle are joint artistic directors of HookHitch Theatre, whose previous work has won the 48 Hour Film Project Audience Award, and has been nominated for the Charlie Hartill Special Reserve Fund, The Scottish Daily Mail Award, Ideastap Underbelly Award, NSDF Award and Musical Theatre Network Awards. Casey Jay Andrews is an alumnus of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe Society’s Emerging Producer’s Development Programme. Writers: Alexandra Simonet & Lizzie Grace Directors: Casey Jay Andrews & Laura Trundle Cast: This solo show will be performed by Lizzie Grace on the nights of: 2nd,4th, 6th, 8th, 10th, 12th, 14th, 16th, 18th, 20th. Alexandra Simonet on the nights of: 3rd, 5th, 7th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 13th, 15th, 17th, 19th.

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[oddsnendsfanfics]

Mother Knows Best

Genre: Fan Fiction Pairing: Jai Courtney/OFC (Roo) Warnings: Language, Slight Sexual Content Rating: R Length: Short Story Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.

A/N: Hey! Look! It’s Cora! 

Read:  Dirty Laundry &  It’s Kind of Complicated

"Honey, calm down. It's not the end of the world." Jai laughed nervously, adjusting his shorts. "I've had my mum walk in plenty of times. Shit happens."

He could have done without Cora whistling and telling him to shake it, but such was life and Jai wasn't going to argue when she praised his god like ass.

"Not the same." She muttered, her words coming with frustration.

A teenage boy having his mother walk in, while he was having sex was one thing. A grown adult, woman, having her mother walk in while she was having sex was entirely different. Would it have killed Cora to knock? Or to give some sort of warning that she was back? No, leave it to her mother to stroll in, as if she owned the place.

There wasn't a single moment in life, where she could remember being this mortified. How much had her mother saw? Silly question, she could recall the exact moment, words, motion...every detail of that moment.

"I don't suppose this is part of therapy?" Cora smirked, motioning between the pair.

"Mom." the embarrassed anger didn't go unnoticed.

"It isn't any of my business, but if this isn't doctor prescribed, then you may want to take it easy. I've been here less than 72 hours and I'm beginning to wonder if you do anything other than fuck."

"Mom?"

"I suppose it makes sense." Cora continued on to herself. "Denzi is at school, you're both here. Oh, you're father and I would do the exact same thing. He was always naughty like that, but Richie. Whew!"

"Mom!" She shouted, torn between gagging and covering her ears. There were things she didn't need to know, ever.

"Yes?" Cora paused, her eyebrows raised.

If her daughter thought this was a walk in the park, for Cora, then she was mistaken. It would take years for the haunting images to leave. Yes, Jai was a rather attractive man, one Cora would admit wasn't disappointing. Yet, this was not something Cora ever wanted to see. Seeing him bend her daughter over in the kitchen, taking her from behind, was not an easy pill to swallow.

"Do you mind?" She snapped, huffing again. "We uh, we'd like to get over this...situation. If we can?"

"Oh! Of course, go ahead. I don't mind." Cora waved it off. "As I was saying..."

"Mom!" this was not happening! If she could be swallowed up by a giant black hole, now would be the time. Come on universe, do it!

"Roo, it's fine. It's okay, I promise in a while we'll all be laughing over this." Jai squeezed her shoulder, only to have her smack his hand and move away.

Easy enough for him to say. This wasn't his mother. Cora had a way of storing incidents and using them, whenever she needed a funny story or blackmail. Over thirty years later and Cora still loved to tell the story about the time her daughter had got the training potty stuck on her head.

Walking in on he daughter getting fucked in the kitchen, what a fantastic story to tell at parties! Yes, she could envision it all now: A gathering of some sort, Cora with her third or fourth drink in hand, laughing at unfortunate stories about things parents laugh over. Someone would make the most random comment and the next thing everyone knew...Cora could be describing, detail for detail, the day she walked in to find her daughter getting fucked in the kitchen.

"This is a fucking disaster." She muttered, shaking her head frantically and adjusting her sports bra.

The only way this could have been worse, is if Cora had brought someone else in – or Denzi. Oh god! If she'd had Denzi with her, there would never be a chance of letting this go. The four year old was blissfully unaware of adult intimacy, as he had proven in the past, but Cora would have wasted no time tearing into them about appropriate behaviour.

"No, it's not." Jai assured her. "Take a drink, go jump in the pool, or something to unwind. You need to just take a deep breath and..." He inhaled deeply, letting it go with a smile. "See, just an accident. No harm, firecracker."

"Exactly, just bad timing. I apologize." Cora added promptly, happy to see Jai was in her corner.

"I...it's..." Frantically running her hands through her hair, she grunted. "I have to go get Denzi."

Since Jai was home, Sera had been giving another week off. Today was her turn to pick him up and if she left now, even thirty minutes earlier than usual, she may be able to live through this. Met with a frown, she crinkled her forehead glaring at Jai.

"What?"

"I'll go get the joey. Give me a few minutes to shower and change. You...you enjoy hanging out with your mum."

Hang out with her mother?

After that?

Jai was crazier than she had imagined.

"I could get Denzi." Cora piped up, shrugging at the suggestion. "It's no big deal. He and I can go hang out."

"I can't let you do that." Jai shook his head, squashing the idea. He could, he wouldn't. As much as this had no affect on him; Jai really needed to clear out before she lost it, as she eventually would. If she was going to go off about Cora, he didn't want to be around for that. "Naw, you two had plans for this evening. Why not get a start on them, early?"

"If you're sure." Cora pressed.

"Absolutely." Jai smiled widely.

Muttering about how this was a bad, very bad idea, she paced beside the counter.

"Why don't I take Denzi, tomorrow? There is a pretty cool dinosaur exhibit at one of the museums." Cora suggested. "You two can go to the pub, take the bike out, or hit up some sex club. Whatever it is you kids do these days."

"You're a pain in the ass." She rolled her eyes at her mother.

"Yes, but I love you. At the end of the day that is all that really matters." Cora teased. "Being serious, I really would like to take Denzi to the exhibit." Cora turned to Jai, "Think you can spare him?"

Jai nodded, no hesitation. Of course Cora could take Denzi for the day, a full day with Cora would send Denzi through the roof with excitement. A full Denzi free day was making Jai excited.

Denzi coming home and telling Jai about his day was always a high point, the little boy was ecstatic to get home to Jai and more recently Dorito. He rushed through the front door every afternoon that he had preschool, eager to tell his new best friend all about his day. As much as Jai loved the afternoons he got with his son, an afternoon Denzi free to do whatever he wanted with her, it was a high point of Jai's week.

Whatever it was they did tomorrow, to fill in the void of the little boy, Jai knew she wouldn't easily agree. She had tomorrow off, he was sure of it, and there was no way Jai was allowing her to go into work or even think about work. Tomorrow was about them, doing things they enjoyed and wanted to waste time doing.

"Take him as long as you want, but he has to be in bed by 8pm." Jai instructed with a lazy smile.

"It's settled," Cora clapped her hands together, smiling cockily at her daughter.

What she wouldn't give to follow Jai up the stairs and into the shower, nothing about the thought came across as sexual, but purely to avoid listening to whatever Cora was about to say. In all fairness, a shower in general would be nice right about now. They'd been in such a rush to get home from the gym, she hadn't even changed from her gear.

Cornered in the kitchen, sweaty, the smell of sex lingering, and caught between pissed and ashamed she leaned against the counter. Tapping her nails on the elegant cabinet top, she glared at Cora. Pissed at herself, not truly her mother, she had nothing left to do but swallow her pride.

"When Jai is done, I'll shower and we can head out."

The original plan had been to grab dinner and then head out for a wine and painting evening, something a woman at work had invited her to. It seemed like the perfect night out to spend with her mother, until now.

"Are you sure you want to go? We don't have to." This was Cora's way of giving her daughter a final out.

"I've signed us up, it would be rude not to show." She answered with her head hung, avoiding eye contact. Mentally, she willed Jai to hurry up so that she could get a few minutes away. A shower wouldn't change what had happened, but it would figuratively wash away the incident.

"BoC, sweetie, if I had known..." Cora bit her bottom lip, trying not to laugh. It wasn't funny, but out of all the people she could imagine fucking in the kitchen, her daughter was never one. "The next time, I'll text that I am almost here."

"That would be appreciated." She pushed the comment off as quickly as possible.

Having Cora back in LA was fantastic, having two weeks of Cora living in the house was going to be – interesting. Interesting was the best and only word that she could use to describe it. When Cora had made the plans, during her daughter's Boston visit, the older woman had been looking exclusively at hotels. When Jai had heard, he'd promptly disagreed with the plan and insisted Cora stay at the house.

If it were his parents, he wouldn't want them in a cold and unfamiliar hotel. Families were meant to be together, under one roof, besides it wasn't as if Cora were an annoying pain in the ass type. Asking her to stay had been for her mother's comfort and mildly because Jai wanted her to see that this was an effort, put forth, by him to make this her home as well.

"I'm impressed, BoC. I never thought you'd be that type." Cora's smirk was full of mischief. "I especially liked the part, where I walked in. "Oh! Don't worry, you can cum in my...Mom!" real classy."

"You're impossible." She rolled her eyes, shaking her head in disbelief. Her mother would never let this go. Picking up on Cora's comment about sex being nothing shameful, she added. "Yes, but when your mother walks in to find a guy balls deep, in your ass...it's a little awkward."

Cora held back on the comment she wanted to give. If they were in a more private setting, then this would have never happened. On the other hand, Cora could absolutely understand what it was like to be crazy for someone, to the point it didn't matter where you fucked.

"See, I never took you for that girl, either."

"It's anal sex, mom. Not the end of the world."

"Oh, I know and trust me, with the right partner it can be fucking magic." Cora laughed. "Sweetie, I'm older not dead. You aren't the only one who likes making it interesting."

"That was something I never needed to know." She made a slightly disgusted face.

"If I had that body walking around, I'd be on him in every room of the house. Hell, I'd never let him out of the bedroom." Cora giggled.

"Some days, he doesn't get out of the bedroom. Not easily, at least." Her confession earning a knowing laugh from her mother.