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#my body has been through some shit the past few weeks so ive been doing thc more regularly again
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It’s like half the price for thc gummies at one of the local dispensaries since the last time I bought some fuck yeah
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lexa-griffins · 9 months
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Omega Lexa works in a sex shop and provides extra services for the customers via a glory hole. Her identity is kept secret for her protection. Alpha Clarke is one of her usual clients. Clarke accidentally knots Lexa through the glory hole so they're tied together waiting for Clarke's knot to deflate
The.... visual of them then tied together through the glory is... too much. Is porncom a genre? Because that is exactly what this is ajskdkdnd
Lexa knows Clarke, she's seen her walk around the store. She's bought a few things here and there, some she assumes are for partners and not herself but Lexa has learned to not judge a book by its cover.
She visits the glory hole a few times a month. Lexa likes her. She's easy to make cum, she's always polite with her even when she can't see her. Overall, a joy of a client and of an alpha.
Lexa has had a rough week and Clarke feels good inside of her. So fucking good. She's exactly what Lexa needed to make her forget the shitty week she had, from being yelled at by an alpha after so much as implying the dildo he was buying was for him and the beta she had to comfort as she cried about the omega she cant seem to keep as he keeps running back to his ex so she thought a funner toy could help.
Clarke is good at making her forget theres a wall between them. A literal one. She stays out most of the time and lets Lexa do her job o nstead of trying to be the big dominant alpha.
Maybe if Clarke had been more in control she would have been able to realize how close Lexa was to take her and she would have been able to pull out before. Lexa is so lost in how good the stretch feels she only realizes shestaking the knot when she's past the point of no return.
"Oh my god." Its really the only thing Lexa can say as Clarke fully enters her and groans, cumming inside of her.
Fuck doesnt quite cut it.
"I- Im stuck."
Yeah, no shit, smartest alpha on earth.
"We're stuck."
"I should have pulled out, Im sorry."
"I was the one in control, I should have realized it, its my fault."
Silence.
"Are you comfortable like that?"
No, "I guess. Its not like there much we can do anyways." She's bent over and her legs are a ldittle shaky but luckily the stall is small enough she can hold herself up.
"Im sorry."
"Youve said that already."
"Oh, yeah. Sorry."
Lexa snorts with humor, making her body shake and a small moan to leave them both.
"How long do you usually take to go down?"
"Half an hour, one hour? Depends. My rut isnt close so it should be more on the higher end."
"Great."
"Im s-"
"Clarke if you say sorry i will punch you once i get to see your face."
"Hey i- wait how do yoh know my name?"
"Hmmm....."
"Wait, your voice.... oh my god are toh Lexa, the front desk girl?"
Lexa winces, "Hi."
Clarke's breathing seems to get slightly faster on the other side of the wall, "are you doing okay over there?"
"Yeah, yeah." A laugh.
"Whats so funny?"
"Ive had a crush on you for ages now. I had no idea it was you on that side."
"What?"
"I havent had a partner in ages. Ive been accumulating sex toys i dont even use at my house for months just to come here and see you. Oh shit that sounds really fucking creepy when i say it out loud doesnt it?"
"A little. But sweet. In a slightly creepy way."
"Oh my god this day could be going better."
"I've had worst ones this week."
"Really?"
"Yeah. But i doubt you eanna hear about it."
"Oh believe me I have nothing but time."
Its about forty minutes before they can get free. Lexa gasps at the amount of cum that leaves her before she sees a small towel being offered to her from the top of the stall door, the watch on the wrist a clear indication its Clarke.
"Sorry, i know its usually hm, a lot."
"Its alright. Idn another circumstances id probably be delighted its so much."
"Im gonna leave the at the counter and go. With extra of course."
"Oh, okay."
There's a throat clearing from the other side of the door, "Bye Lexa. For all its worth, there is no one else id rather be stuck like that with."
Lexa stops cleaning herself to stare at the closed door. She snorts again.
"I really need to stop sounding creepy dont I?"
"Yes. But it had its charm-"
"Im a creepy way." They say in unison before laughing.
"Bye Lexa."
"See ya Clarke."
Lexa listens for the bathroom door to close with a little hesitation.
By the time she's presentable, Clarke is gone and the store is empty. The money sits on the counter with an added 50$ for the whole mess. As Lexa collects the money she finds a paper with a phone number.
"I swear im less creepy face to face. X Clarke"
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whumpacabra · 1 year
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Day 12 - “Can you hear me?”
Hospital setting, mentioned surgery and sedation, implied past captivity and torture, paralysis
[Directly follows Restless]
“Can you hear me?” Whispered, distant and mumbled through a dreamy haze.
“Can you hear me?” Closer, a presence hovering to his right.
“Can you hear me?” Stern, threatening to grab his hair and yank his head up to look Cortazar in the eye.
For a brief moment, he was back there. Shackled but too numb to move, immobilized by the poison in his veins. He recognized the rush of adrenaline in his veins, fighting against the invisible stranglehold that made his body seem disconnected from his brain.
Unlike waking after being drugged with Ambrosia, his eyelids flew open - the panic racing through his body was matched by the machines beeping and trilling around him.
But the person standing over him wasn’t Cortazar, or the Boss, or - or…
“RJ…” His tongue felt like sand paper in his mouth, throat aching and voice raspy - but he hadn’t screamed that badly in months.
The night came rushing back to him even as the doctor beside his hospital bed spoke. The escape. The truck. His legs.
“I’m Katie - Dr. Katherine Gomez. I operated on you about a day ago.” His hands twitched. He could at least feel his hands.
“You broke your spine, pretty badly too.” He didn’t break it, that buff, gruff, rifle waving maniac had hit him with a fucking truck.
“You’re currently under a mild paralytic - you may not be able to feel it but if you try to turn or move your torso, you’ll do more damage and delay the healing process. Hopefully we can wean you off of it over the next few weeks.”
“Where’s RJ?” He didn’t give a shit - and, honestly, he wasn’t really paying attention - but his question didn’t seem to phase the doctor.
“They’re recovering in a private room, same as you.” Her voice was soft, smile gentle as she put a blue gloved hand on his shoulder. He didn’t flinch away - he couldn’t with the drugs in his system. “They’re worried about you too. If they’re up for it I can see if they want to stop by later.”
David’s brain was short circuiting. This had to be a hallucination. A trick. One of the Boss’ twisted games or a really bad drug trip. Why on earth was this stranger being nice to him?
“Where am I? You - doctor - Dr. Gomez, are you…is this-?”
“He lives!”
He knew that voice, the man who ducked into the room exactly as he pictured the voice on the other end of the comlink. His long sleeved button up was crisp and checkered in a faux flannel, and the thick rimmed glasses that sat on the bridge of his nose guarded dark, intelligent eyes.
“You!” David’s relief was audible - mostly heard in the steadily decreasing frequency of the heart monitor beeping beside him.
“Me!” The man replied with equal zeal, bumping shoulders with the doctor. “Hope my sister has been treating you right - she’s annoying sometimes.”
“If by annoying you mean life saving, yes. Yes I am.” She rolled her eyes, checking the watch on her wrist. “I have to check on some other patients. Try not to break anything, would ya?”
“Oh har-dee-har I trip on Sarah’s IV stand once and now I’m the clinic klutz.” The man sighed as his sister deigned his complaint unworthy of a reply.
“Anyways - “ He turned on his heel, extending a hand to David. “Harrison Gomez. We talked on the comms - sorry I never caught you name?”
“David.” He breathed, looking at Harrison’s waiting hand. His fingers twitched, but he couldn’t raise his own to meet him. “Sorry - some jackass hit me with a car.”
“That would be Casey - he feels terrible about it, really.” Harrison awkwardly put his hands in his pockets, eyeing the medical equipment surrounding David. “He’s a bit…much so I asked him not to bother you until you were up for chatting.”
“How’s RJ?”
“I was actually hoping we could talk a bit about you.” Harrison’s voice, for all his friendly energy, held a dangerous undercurrent. “But they’re alright. They’ll be much happier to hear you’re awake - they’ve been asking about you all day.”
David breathed a sigh of relief. He trusted Harrison, for how briefly he knew him. He was the only reason RJ - and David - made it out of there alive. He hadn’t hurt either of them…as far as he knew…yet.
“Now,” Harrison pulled up a chair, sitting casually with his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. “Who the fuck are you David?”
[Directly before They made it out]
(Part of my Freelancers: Retirement series)
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certifiablecatlady · 2 years
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Medical/Life Update
Sup duders so I haven't posted a ton of personal info here in awhile but the past 6 months have been wild. Starting in December 2021 I've had a fluctuating rash on my arms, legs, and trunk that at first I thought was an allergic reaction, hence my post about having the worst "hives" ever on Christmas. After an emergency room trip on New Years Eve and month of phone tag I finally got referred to a rheumatologist in February and diagnosed with Henoch-Schonlein Purpura (HSP) also known as IgA vasculitis. Which is an autoimmune disease more common in children but super rare in adults where the blood vessels in your skin and internal organs/joints become inflamed. Usually it goes away in a few months and leaves no lasting effects which is good.
Except now it's June and it hasn't gone away. In fact, at my last rheumatology appointment 2 weeks ago they said my inflammation markers in my blood have started going up again instead of down so we may need to move on to more intense treatment. For the past few months I've been taking a steroid (prednisone) and an immunosuppressant (mycophenolate) to hopefully counteract my dumb immune system, which has made my flare ups less intense than they were in Dec-Feb pre treatment. But even as they've increased the immunosuppressant my skin has not been totally clear in over six months and every time I so much as step outside my apartment, walk around too much, or wear tight clothing I have massive flare ups. The rash itself is not painful but with friction around my feet and thighs it starts to burn and itch which is no fun at all. And unfortunately having this disease for this long could be bad news for the rest of my organs, which thankfully so far have shown up fine in tests.
So basically at my last rheumatology appointment I was put on the max dose of the mycophenolate with the idea that if this doesn't work we will have to move on to different treatment. There are two options if this happens: a similar immunosuppressant called methotrexate that would basically work like the mycophenolate but maybe magically would do better, or a strong iv infusion called rituximab. Now I have been through my share of weird medical shit but the one thing that still terrifies me is an iv. One of the worst experiences of my life was being hospitalized for a week stuck to an iv in 2012 and the whole time it felt like my arm was being broken. I've always been afraid of needles and in fact my first blood draw at the rheumatologist in Feb I fainted and threw up so now I'm famous with the phlebotomists. So just hearing iv I started to panic a little.
Then the doctor went on to describe the procedure being similar to chemotherapy/biotherapy and included the fun fact of a small risk of deadly anaphylactic shock. I ended up having a full panic attack and sitting on the floor of the office next to an open window while my lovely boyfriend fanned me and got me to drink some water. The doctor kept apologizing for freaking me out but I was just apologizing back like "I have an anxiety disorder it's fine not your fault".
So yeah I go back in on July 12th to see how the max dose and potential last hurrah of my og immunosuppressant works out and meanwhile I am firmly camped in my apartment trying desperately to avoid any flare triggers. I have a spreadsheet now where I rate the rash on each area of my body cause ya girl loves data. My boyfriend Sam has been absolutely wonderful taking care of me throughout this, running urine samples back and forth to the hospital when they kept scheduling my appointments a month apart exactly in line with my period. I am so glad this happened after we moved in together rather than before so I don't have to do this alone or move back in with my parents. My family has tried to understand what's going on but I think only recently started seeing the severity. They've at least stopped trying to guilt me into coming over. Being immunocompromised during a pandemic wasn't enough for them I guess, but minimizing flares so I don't have to do hours of ivs worked. Now we wait.
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wakingupclean · 1 month
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hm
just kind of like a reminder of what i was thinking about while vacuuming earlier that i'd like to bring up to my mom at some point
the other day she was saying how she hopes my youngest sister will one day get her shit together mostly in regards to being able to keep her house clean (sister has two toddlers and works full time and is a single parent). i brought that up to my mom and she was like "oh well i managed to do that" but no she had the help of my dad when we were little. and i didn't bring up that my sister is neurodivergent and has always struggled with keeping spaces neat and organized due to her executive dysfunction (a cardinal sin in our house growing up)
and i think a lot of my mom's feelings about that do come from a lack of understanding. she and my dad truly always have just thought we kids were being purposefully, spitefully lazy when we weren't able to keep up to their standards be it with cleaning, school, or work later in life. bc they were able to have a clean house and work full time just fine
but like even putting aside neurodivergence (which-- my thinking on this today is the result of my own current introspection and self-discovery on that subject)--- i think one of the issues is that my parents look at these skills as just basic default human characteristics that if one isn't performing well, they are trying to be rebellious. when these are *skills*. not a default part of the human condition as much as capitalism wants to pretend otherwise
like it is recommended and somewhat expected for most able bodied people to get some amount of exercise and so many people do sports as children or adults. but nobody in either of these categories is expected to be an olympic athlete nor shamed for not being able to achieve that level of skill
we all have a variety of things we're skilled and not skilled with, regardless of neurodivergence or other qualities. this seems obvious especially when it comes to school- like most people will readily admit they are bad at math. but it is seen as such an almost moral failing to be bad at social interaction or worse, to not be good at meeting the demands of the ~expected~ lifestyle
idk this has always been something i've struggled with bc there are so many areas in life where ive never measured up, but as able to skate by through masking or due to my own stellar performance in other subjects. like yeah middle school ashley doesn't really have friends and misses a shit ton of school and even has SI! but she gets great grades, is gifted, and loved by teachers so those other struggles don't matter. until 20 years later when the burnout hits and the masks start to chip and everything is suddenly so, so hard. my mom keeps sending me links for jobs to apply to and i am just like 1) i am in the middle of spravato treatments which is a huge time commitment 2) mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually i dont think i could even work 10 hours a week right now!!
and that is terrifying and keeps taking me into a loop of like i feel a little better following a spravato day and then i remember that i cant support myself anymore and that my parents who were so so proud of me the past few years (finally! proud of me, the former alcoholic fuck up! doing the 9-5, having a 401k, a career, independence) are slowly starting to view me as a colossal lazy fuck up again and not caring about my current capabilities or how much pain i'm in or how many nights i pray for death... because to them, i should be pushing through it and sucking it up.
and i know that they're scared for when they're no longer around if i can't support myself then i will be even more fucked. but it's been like six months since i quit and no amounts of rest seem to be helping and id what to do.
this is so hard and i try not to think about it bc i will spiral- distraction, distraction, distraction. and today i keep remembering that i need to ask them for $200ish to pay my electricity and phone bills and i am avoiding that because i know i am just sinking further and further in their eyes. and i dont want to care so much but i do. it felt so good when they were proud of me. but that is the trick of it, that's how it felt when i was a kid too and was the golden child for a time. falling from a pedestal bruises harder each time i think
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egoarc4de · 4 years
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srry I've been not posting art, I haven't been drawing. think I am having some sort of depressive episode or smthn!! my psychiatrist kept cancelling our meetings n now w the quarantine I can't see anyone and I'm stuck in a house that is currently being reconstructed!! but I realise now that I've been keeping myself in a poor state and I'm going to try to draw a bit every day for motivation's sake!! wish me luck, and sorry that my next posts will most likely be kinda shitty and mostly unfinished sketches!!
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peakyblindersxx · 3 years
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whiskey business - john shelby x reader (part 6 of ?)
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gif by my queen @michaelgreys, i'm basically her fanblog now but im not mad about it :) i mean just look at him!!1! i almost fainted
a/n: first of all, if you stuck around to this point, tysm for reading!!! this has been one of the most amazing fics ive ever been a part of and it's all thanks to the gorgeous @stxdyblr-2k, who generously took control of the next few parts. her brain is beautiful and we all owe her flowers or something. when i read what she sent me i couldn't bring myself to change much except for some small edits, so pls give her lots of love if you like it!!!! i'm still working on requests as well :)
love, abi xxx
read part one two three four five | my masterlist
tagging: @datewithgianni, @mayaslifeinabox, @deepdonutkid, @springsoulofengland, @lilymurphy03
prompt: nothing this good can last forever. john doesn't know how to feel, and neither do you.
warnings: nsfw! a teensy bit of smut, angsty as fuck prepare yourselves accordingly, a lil fluff if u squint, yeah this fucked me up
Obviously, it wasn't the last time.
Over the coming months you had many last times; his mouth pressed against your neck said as much. As his responsibility at work increased, you'd find yourself heading to his office after your lectures and night classes more often, perched on his lap, smoking, while he finished up his numbers under your critical gaze.
Thomas was more than aware; his snarky comments made it obvious he had his ways of monitoring your actions. You'd seen the dark car lurking outside your rallies and lectures, and no matter how you'd try to throw him off, not even telling Ada where you were going and even, in a moment of desperation, through your neighbours back window, somehow, his silent shadow was still looming. He was practically begging you to make a mistake, to give everyone an easy out. You just couldn't give him the satisfaction. You knew Tommy saw the world as a chess board, always several moves ahead of his opponent. Even when you played him in chess club all those years ago, you could outflank him if you thought on your feet and kept him thinking he was winning until you obliterated him in the end game. It was brutal, sure. But as he told you, there were bigger games at play. You had your own. Thomas could read your mail, intercept your phone calls and have you followed, but he couldn't hear what you said out of earshot. Your lot could smell an interceptor in your ranks, so spying at that close of a proximity was out of the question.
That's why he'd decided to let you have John. You knew his silent approval and his constant management of the narrative meant he saw a tactical gain. There was only so much information he could get from Ada, but John? He just had to agitate him in the right way and all your secrets would come tumbling out. It was difficult hiding your world from John; of what he knew of, he was supportive, quizzing you over current affairs and political discourse, listening intently. Yet, you had to watch your mouth. You had to keep a barrier up and you knew John sensed the distance. Fundamentally, there was nothing either of you could do.
So here you were, in a comfortable limbo. Your days were filled with work, evenings were for lectures and reading groups at the city's university, Ada and you often stopped for a drink or three; you'd go by your flat to freshen up, and then to John's office. Sometimes, you wouldn't visit for a week or so when the guilt sent you over the edge, it was draining to be living so many lives and knowing you were betraying the person you loved most on earth. Ada was oblivious, taking you on her nightly adventures filled with men, dancing and waiting while she was busy kissing in dark corners. Sometimes a young blinder would ask if you wanted to be walked home. The first occurrence you thought was sweet, but as the nights it occurred coincided with nights John seemed extra pent up, you'd decided to ask. The boy, who couldn't be older than twelve but who you knew was trained in using firearms and had a revolver pinned to his hip and a razor in his cap, looked confused.
"Mate, it's not a tough question. Why do you come and ask?"
"There's a phone call." He shrugs, "Isaiah or Michael tells us to go and get you."
Isaiah and Michael were somewhat aware? Fucking hell. Your fling was basically a military campaign at this point, so many of your friends were complicit. The little lads who ran as messengers around Birmingham were complicit. You had to just end it.
But when you sat on his thigh, his chin hooked over your shoulder, it felt so worth it. He never turned you away when you came crawling back. He never mentioned it until after you were finished, hooked under his arm.
"Fucking missed you, gorgeous."
Sometimes he'd remind you not to be a stranger with a wink, but you could tell it was tearing him apart too. He never once came to you. That's how he could justify it in his mind; obviously, the bare minimum was not having sex with his sister's best friend, but in failing that, waiting for you to initiate it was somewhat better. He barely talked to Ada now, citing work as an excuse, but truly the guilt sickened him. He couldn't believe he was prepared to continuously hurt his little sister and betray her. But every time you turned up at his door, he couldn't find it in himself to turn you away. In his mind, every single time you came to visit him was the last time he'd let it happen, yet he was always waiting for you to come back, his blind closed to signal he was prepared. He never would call, it had to be your choice.
You'd been off and on for over five months now. It was so difficult to hide in plain sight, but you just couldn't stop yourself. Neither of you purposefully meant for this to be happen but fuck, was it fun.
For your birthday he'd gifted you a fur coat from the same shop his sister, aunt and the fashionable crowd of Birmingham had purchased theirs. He joked that you looked like a "proper razor chaser", kissing you when you pouted at his teasing, begging you to wear only the coat when you fucked him next. It was a practice for blinders to buy a coat for their wives and girlfriends as a status symbol. You were neither, but John claimed that being his "favourite lass" also counted.
John was a laugh, but you knew at any time he could close his door to you. Until he decided he couldn't be bothered with you, you weren't going to get caught. You just had to be careful until he got bored.
***
You did end up putting a foot wrong. It was a Thursday night; you were sitting on the edge of John's desk while he was ridding you of your blouse. It was past midnight, Birmingham was asleep. You almost didn't bother coming out tonight, but you knew John had lost a deal and you wanted to be there for him. Your skirt and stockings were strewn across the desk with his shirt, vest and waistcoat, muddled into the files and papers which were once neatly stacked.
His fingers were pumping in and out of you, his mouth lapping at your breast, your head tipped back in euphoria, groaning. The stress made him more affectionate and tender with you, and it was nights like these that made you wonder. Wonder if this could ever be something more, something real.
John's body suddenly pulled away from yours, quickly turning the light off.
"John, what-" You were cut off by John’s hand over your mouth, muffling your words.
"Shut up and get behind the desk." He hissed. "Someone's coming upstairs."
You quickly grabbed your clothes from the shiny oak surface and crouched, hiding yourself from view, quickly making yourself decent. You weren't going to get shot through the head with your tits out. You listened to the stairs creek, and it sounded like a group. You two were easily outnumbered. They were talking, but the thick panels of wood muffled their voices.
As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, the cracks in the door giving the room a dulled glow, you could make out the figure of John. He was free of his shirt, toned body on display, standing with his back flat to the wall, revolver produced from a discreet notch in the door frame, gaze fixed on where they'd enter. He was tense, ready. The door was unlocked from the outside, the door handle twisting.
John's lip shifted in confusion yet still he kept his trigger finger ready, not a single shake from your general.
The light flicked on and a shriek rang out. It was blinding, and you stood up slightly dazed. Finn was in the doorway, John next to him clutching his chest, panting and lowering the gun.
"Jesus Christ, Finn, can't you knock like a normal person? Scared the shit out of us." John bellowed, shaking as the adrenaline coursed through his body, resting his hands on the edge of the desk as he regained his breath.
"You're the one who pointed a gun at me! I didn't even know you were in 'ere!" Finn yelped.
The commotion had attracted the attention of Ada and Isaiah, who had come running and stopped in their tracks upon seeing you standing behind John's desk in the middle of the night. They weren't stupid. John was topless, your clothes obviously rumpled, both with matching tousled hair and practically stinking of guilt. You'd been caught red handed. Ada's eyes flicked between both you and John, and you could practically see the pieces of the puzzle clicking together in her mind, all the moments she found questionable since you'd returned suddenly making sense, realising she had been deceived by the two people who she was meant to trust most in life. Finn looked absolutely crushed, he'd never been able to conceal his emotions as well as his older brothers and sister, linking his fingers through Ada's, squeezing her hand.
"I forgot to drop this off earlier." Finn stated, holding up a money box, "Ada had keys so we thought we'd sneak in so I wouldn't get done by Tommy. We did call round yours, Y/N. We thought you were in bed."
"I'm sorry." You said. It was not enough but you just didn't know what else to say. You couldn't make it right, you'd really fucked up this time. Tears pricked at your eyes, as Ada examined you in silence.
John stepped in front of you defensively. "Look, Ada-"
"How long has this been going on?" She asked, her voice shaking with rage. You and John exchanged a glance. "I said, how fucking long?"
"Five months, six in a fortnight." He answered.
Isaiah whistled lowly. "That's fucked. I thought it was only a few times, that it'd finished."
"Never really over when it's John is it." Finn interjects, you glance to him, were you just one in a long string? You shouldn't be surprised but it was easy to pretend he may actually care about you.
"You've been fucking around for six months behind my back?" Ada yelped, Finn trying to comfort her but she pulled away from him. "And you fucking knew Iz."
"I'd expect this from you, yeah? Wouldn't put anything past you these days.." she sneered at John, "But you? You?! You're meant to be my best mate, but here you are sneaking about fucking my brother?"
"Ada-" you began, eyes welling with tears.
"I thought I could trust you. You're just another fucking razor chaser, aren't you?" She spits. "That's why you came back."
"No it wasn't, Ada-"
Her eyes flashed with anger, but this time John was on the receiving end. "You bought her that fucking coat ,didn't you? The fur one. You did! Fuck's sake!" Her fists were clenched, shoulders squared. For the first time in your life, you understood why crowds parted for Ada Shelby. Understood all the free drinks and cab rides, the nervous serving staff declaring your meal on the house (always acknowledged by Ada with a hefty tip), understood why the men of Birmingham didn't last long with her.
"Did it feel good to swan about town in that fucking coat, while acting as though you cared about me? It's so fucking embarrassing. All trussed up because my knobhead big brother makes you feel special? Thanks for rubbing it in my face."
"Ada, I love you. I never meant to hurt you, I got caught up and that's on me. It's my fault."
"You're not acting like you love me. This isn’t what love is, Y/N." She retorted.
You couldn’t do anything but nod. She was right.
John opened his mouth to speak, Ada silencing him, a scowl darkening her features.
"I don't care what you have to say. Any of you. Who else knows?"
"Thomas, Michael, Arthur-" John listed off slowly, each name prompting Ada to break down a little bit more in front of you.
"I didn't know Arthur knew." You said pointedly, John sending you an exasperated glance. He was planning on dealing with that later, but right now was about his sister. Fuck him if he thought you were going to stick around much longer. You didn't want to hear him justify everyone else knowing about your fling with your best friend being left completely in the dark.
"That all you have to say for yourself?" Ada snaps at you.
"I have fucking no defense, do I Ada? I should've walked away." You pushed your hair back, frustrated at yourself, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You begged yourself not to cry. Tears wouldn't help anything.
"Why didn't you?"
You didn't know. Your silence only riled her up.
"Why didn't you fucking walk away?" Ada yelled, slamming her hands on the desk.
You felt hot tears run down your face, quickly moving your hands to dab at your tears.
"Don't you dare fucking cry. After all you've done, you don't get to cry in front of me." Ada growled at you, John going to shush her, obviously wanting to comfort you. "You can all fuck off. You've all lied to me and gone behind my back. Fuck’s sake, you could've just told me. You could've just told me."
"We didn't want to hurt you." John said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder but she flinches away.
"This hurts so much more. You get that you all lying to me is so much worse, don't you?"
"We weren't thinking."
"You really fucking weren't." Ada laughs bitterly, shaking her head, blinking away tears. "Fuck you lot."
She stormed out, tailed by Finn, begging her to slow down and talk to him, protesting his innocence in the situation. Isaiah hesitated in the doorway, his eyes flickering between you and John.
"I had no idea you two've been at it for so long."
"Iz, fuck off yeah? I've had enough today." John shot back, sliding across the desk towards you. "You alright, lass?"
"We're done here, John."
He slid off the table, his hand cupping your face, "Hey, gorgeous, I get it but don't go breaking my heart tonight. Can we just leave this for tomorrow? Sleep on it."
The idea of getting any sleep at all tonight was laughable, you'd be up all night replaying these moments and torturing yourself. Tonight couldn't get any worse so you had to finally end it. Now was the right time.
"John, it should've never happened."
"But it did."
"I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's over."
"Y/N. You know for me it was never just about-"
"You're making it difficult. Stop making it difficult. Whatever you say isn't going to change that right now we have to do the right thing."
"I know you're right, but I don't want to let go. Is it so wrong to want you? I adore you, you know that."
You wouldn't meet his eyes. Sighing, John pressed his forehead to the side of your head, chin brushing your shoulder, eyes closing. He was begging you to stay with him. There had to be a solution, you'd figure it out together. His voice was cracking, eyes glassy. He looked so much younger when he was pleading. The tall bloke who terrorised the Midlands with his razor rimmed cap, a revolver in his hand, and a ruthless trigger finger had vanished. You wanted to stay, burning to curl up with him and for him to kiss it better.
"I should go." You told him. He rested his forehead on your shoulder, letting out a shaky sigh before pulling away, nodding.
"I'd drive you home but obviously-"
"Obviously."
John suddenly turned from you, eyes narrowing at Isaiah who was still hovering at the door. "Thought I told you to fuck off. Make yourself useful and get Y/N home safely." His tone was ice cold once again.
Isaiah nodded, offering his arm to you. You reached the door and instinctively looked back at John. His eyes met yours, staring at you from his desk, just as you knew he would. He prepared himself to watch you leave every night, but this time was different. That was it with you two.
Isaiah strode down the street with you in silence. You were tucked into his side as was customary with the upcoming blinders who were particularly ambitious, but there was no relaxed chat.
"Isaiah. What’re you thinking?" You asked, voice tinged with nervousness.
He sighed, running his free hand across his jaw, "That was intense in there."
"Just how he is." You shrugged.
"Does he love you or sommet?"
"Fuck knows… does it matter?"
"Of course it does. Do you love him?"
"Drop it. None of that matters, it shouldn't have happened in the first place so it can’t," You snapped, the anger at the situation you'd created suddenly overwhelming.
Isaiah whistled, raising his brow at your obvious turmoil. "You're in fucking deeper than you want to admit."
He walked you up your path, watching you turn the key to the side door leading to your bedsit. You paused, turning to him.
"Iz… I don't know what to do next."
It was so dark, you could see his face only by the lit cigarette burning to embers between his fingers. He inhaled deeply, pausing before delivering his carefully laid out plan of avoidance. Obviously the event of him crossing the Shelbys and losing their good graces weighed heavily on his mind. You nodded, listening intently, noting his ideas of relocation but he explained they were a final resort. The best thing to do was try to regain their trust; in the long run, he had calculated, it was the only option that didn't result in your life being haunted by the Shelbys. Even if they left you alone, their enemies would make a point to go after you, seeing you as an easy target. The other option was to leave the country.
"Good luck, Y/N. I mean it." He muttered as you turned the handle to the temporary safety of your home. You nodded, offering you cheek for the polite good night kiss you'd become accustomed to. He rolled his eyes and obliged, pressing an affectionate kiss to your cheek and ruffling your hair. "I'm serious. Watch your back."
***
John broke down when he finally heard the lock click shut. His eyes had been prickling with boiling tears, his jaw tensed to hold them back. He yelled out in anger, flipping his desk with force, a loud crash as the wood splintered against the stone flooring, glass shattering from the photo frames. His hands went to his head, unable to stop the gasping breaths escaping from his trembling lips, his face reddening.
"Fuck’s sake." He growled. He'd fucked everything up. He had nothing, just as he'd told you the first night you returned. The consequence was no surprise, he'd anticipated the fall out for a while, but he couldn't resist you. He was completely guilty and had no defense; his only justification being that you made him think with his cock, not his brain.
Fuck’s sake. Polly was going to murder him. She'd always had a soft spot for Ada, as the only girl in the family, and was no stranger to lecturing him over his flirtatious behaviour around Ada's friends. She'd murder him. He had a half mind to never go home. He rubbed at his eyes with his knuckles. Polly had no use for tears. That's what she'd tell him when he was a boy coming home with a skinned knee. This was far worse.
He was also sure that he was a worse brother than Tommy, perhaps the worst in the world. His baby sister, who he'd helped to toddle, carry proudly on his shoulders after school and race with her on his back through the fields on the outskirts of Small Heath, had walked in on him obviously in the midst of fucking her best mate. If he had swallowed his pride and actually talked to her, he wouldn't be in this mess. He could've told her that things changed, that for the same reasons Ada loved Y/N he had fallen for her, that he was truly sorry but she had to know before it got too far and someone got hurt. He couldn't go back.
He should've never approached you that night.
He should never approach you again.
He looked over the mess of his office, the splintered wood and shards of glass, a confetti of paperwork. Now nothing mattered. None of this mattered. He'd lost everything and he had only himself to blame.
352 notes · View notes
abombihoney · 3 years
Note
I think a fix it could would in the case of everyone jumping back to way before the events of the game, as in like before kabbu left for bugaria, vi was probably still in the hive, leif still stuck in snakemouth den. (jump back in this case meaning them being back in their younger selves' bodies, rather them being separate, ig.) either vi does some hefty legwork in reaching out to communicate w kabbu back in his home and frees leif by herself, then coordinate going into the wild grasslands at the same time kabbu's family is heading out to beat the Beast's ass, or kabbu just tries to be extra careful on the trek to bugaria (which might not actually work with a creature like the Beast... 😵). either way it'd also give vi a chance to leave the hive and go about the whole being talked down thing better (try.... she makes bets with EVERYONE in the hive that she'll be the top explorer within the year and makes BANK) and leif just gets to hang out. maybe reconnect with his family and parent vi until the time comes to form an exploration team with kabbu. and they just do everything IN game pretty much the same, but less surprised and maybe more prepared for the wasp king's fake outs
IVE BEEN THINKING SO MUCH ABOUT THIS SINCE YOU SENT IT HELLO????? HERE CONTENT!!!
bro i am such a slut for teen/grown character gets sent back to their childhood and tries to fix things but also they are like 6. like. that is my jam. all the memories and ptsd that a six year old who at this point has lived a reasonably nice life shouldnt have.
okay okay so vi is baby, just freshly pupated into having real legs and shit.
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takes a look around and is like. why am i baby. and after a few days she realizes that she is in fact in the past and not in a weird dream.
So then she's like. Well, i refuse to relive my childhood i will die of boredom. but i cant just leave. except she totally does.
she steals a needle, which is way too big bc she just pupated like, last week. and a small bag to carry food. AND SHE JUST FUCKING TRUCKS IT TO SNAKEMOUTH
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like, shes a lil roughed up, but the bandits haven't settled in defiant root. and she hasnt outgrown her wings yet, so she can actually fly for long periods of time, and flies over most of the enemies. really the greatest danger is an adult realizing shes all alone lol.
but she makes it! she sneaks through and gets to leif!
she quickly and well, mostly stealthily breaks leif out of the web.
Leif is understandably super fucking confused. But he catches on fairly quickly. He is very fucking surprised by how fucking minuscule vi is.
spuder also shows up but leif freezes him and they get the hell out of dodge.
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Vi: Leif is like. where kabbu. and vi has to explain that she came here all by herself all the way from the hive and kabbu is likely still in the north. Vi is promptly grounded for reckless endangerment of herself.
Leif: how even old are you anyway ur so tiny.
Vi: five.
Leif: YOURE FIVE????? Oh god we're so old. ur five years old fuck.
Vi: Aren't you like, the same age as Kabbu?
Leif: Vi, We're 34 years old. We have an entire decade on Kabbu.
Vi: WHAT I THOUGHT U WERE BOTH OLD
Leif: YOU THOUGH KABBU WAS OLD?? HE'S BARELY OLDER THAN YOU??? Oh god kabbu is only like, thirteen oh god.
-
Anyway Leif gives Vi a bath in the fucking river bc shes super nasty from traveling on the road all by herself for weeks.
Leif: We are not going to be seen with a dirty bee that is way too young to be outside the hive. That just screams "kidnapping."
Vi: well they didnt send anyone to look for me when i ran away last time
Leif: One. thats super sad. Two. You are five years old. We think they'll be a little more concerned. We are going to be so mad if we get arrested for kidnapping.
-
Leif: So nice lisp you got there. How long is that going to last?
Vi: Two more molts. :(
Leif: OH good this is adorable. You are never going to live this down.
Vi: I'll stab you!
Leif: Do it. We won't carry you anymore.
Vi: You wouldn't! I'm too cute to walk!
Leif: Better behave or you'll be walking back on those teeny little legs.
Vi: I should have waited for Kabbu and then got you. Kabbu wouldn't treat me like this.
-
Anyway, they get back to the hive. And Leif explains that no he did not kidnap Vi but he brought her back. And Vi is like. This man is my dad/friend i'm keeping him so you either better let him into the hive or let me live with him.
And the hive is like. No? ur five u dont know what u want. But vi keeps escaping the hive. and going to find leif (who got a house in desert root.)
so they just fucking. let her spend her free time outside the hive. even though she shouldn be outside for another five years. shes supposed to sleep in the hive but she sleeps at Leif's a lot. She also becomes sisters with Jaune a lot earlier. (leif also lowkey adopts jaune lol.)
after about two or three years, guess who comes through desert root!!!
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Vi does careen into Kabbu at the speed of light. they did that whole little thing where kabbu spins vi around in a circle while they hug
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leif can't run as fast as vi can fly but dont worry he also got a hug.
and kabbu got to introduce his families to each other.
Kabbu: Master, Bit, this is Leif and Vi, the ones I've spoken with you about. Leif, Vi, this is, this is Master and Bit. We all made it. We all made it we're all here! :,)
140 notes · View notes
duskholland · 3 years
Note
for blurb night.. some good ol’ lovemaking with Mob! Tom? I still like things to be really passionate and intense though, those deep, hard, but slow thrusts yk? dirty talking, clinging desperately to one another.. maybe some breeding kink in there? 👀 ‘Ive-missed-you’ sex sort of deal? idk, have fun with it, girl! feel free to add or change things a lil! your writing is gold btw, sending love 💞✨
ugh..........yes.
—clearing out the askbox: smut edition—
extended warnings: breeding kink, unprotected sex. ——
Tom lays you down over the sprawling king-sized mattress very delicately, kissing your lips, deeply, before slowly making his way down your body.
“So bloody perfect, aren’t you, angel?”
Your boyfriend runs his hands over your chest, grabbing handfuls of your breasts in his warm palms. As he dips his head down and laps over your left nipple, a small whimper slips past your lips.
“Hm?” Tom blinks up at you, brown eyes wide with false innocence as he drags his tongue over your nipple. As one hand pays attention to your other breast, his remaining fingers travel to your face, fingertips padding over your lips. He drums his digits over your mouth. “Speak, darling. I want to hear your beautiful voice.”
You push against his touch and kiss at his fingertips, earning a smirk from your boyfriend.
“Missed you so much, Tom,” you mumble. You gasp softly when Tom releases your nipple and continues on his journey down your figure. “Been a really long two weeks without you.”
Soft, warm lips move over your stomach, over your hips, to the tops of your thighs. Tom had already taken the liberty of peeling down your panties earlier when he’d undressed you in front of the mirror and made you watch as he’d explored your tight heat with three of his slender, skilled digits. You’re already wet - orgasmed twice, but craving more, aching for the sweet release that you only get from Tom, and his hands, or his mouth, or his cock.
“Fuck,” you whimper, watching as Tom kisses each of your thighs before pushing your legs wide open. “Please fuck me,” you beg, grasping at the sheets. “I need your cock, Tom.”
Your boyfriend hums, using two fingers to peel apart your outer lips. Your tender clit throbs, and then you cry out loudly as he dips his head and runs his tongue over the bud. He drags his warm muscle from your entrance before circling your clit again, grunting in appreciation as you reach down to grab a hold of his hair. You try weakly to pull him back, muttering more about how you’ll go crazy if you don’t feel him properly, but he just tuts.
“Shush,” he hums. “Let me taste my pussy, yeah? Then I’ll give you what you want, greedy thing.”
He’s got both of his arms holding your waist, keeping you firmly on the bed as you thrash. You love it - love the feeling of his tongue, swirling around your bud, rewarding the sensitive area with warm, wet circles - and he knows it, knows you love being stimulated beyond the limits of pleasure like this. There have been nights before where he’s spread you out like this and made you cum, over and over, until all you know is his name, dripping from your tongue like a prayer.
“Fuck, fuck,” you murmur. Obscene wet noises drift through the air as Tom makes out with your heat, sparing no enthusiasm as he sucks at your cunt, adding two fingers into your pulsing pussy as his mouth unravels you. “Keep going, fuck, I’m-”
Tom hums, loudly, and the vibrations cause you to spin off, shouting obscenities as you moan loudly. You fall apart under his tongue, dizzying waves of pleasure spreading over you as you drown in it, chest heaving as you gasp loudly.
“Fucking delicious,” Tom mutters. He slides up your body, dark eyes glinting as your juices shine on his chin. “Don’t think there’s anything I love more than tasting my cunt, darling.” He smirks when you whimper and reach out for him, pulling him closer again. His cock, hard and aching, presses up against your slit, and as you part your legs wider, it settles between your folds. “Still so needy though, aren’t you?”
Tom has fun teasing you, rolling his hands over your face, grinding experimentally against your tender cunt until you’re whimpering. He’s such a tease - it doesn’t matter that he’s been away for two weeks on business, he’s persistent, and you know he enjoys the way you’re melting for him.
“Please, please,” you mumble, gasping as you feel his tip press up against your entrance. You’re insatiable, your skin crawling with a hot, throbbing heat that can only be cured by the feeling of your boyfriend entering you again. “Spent so many nights thinking about this, Tom,” you add, trying to coax him into action. “Want to feel your cock spreading me open, baby. Please, please, please.” You dust his face with kisses, and Tom chuckles. He drops his face until he’s able to kiss the base of your neck, sucking a very hard, enjoyable hickey to your skin.
“Do you want my cock?” He asks, voice husky. He looks up at you, eyes narrowing in a show of dominance, “Or do you want my cum?”
Your throat runs dry, and you find yourself swallowing deeply as your hands go up to his hair. You card your fingertips through Tom’s soft brown curls, nodding as your body fills with heat.
“Both,” you mumble.
Tom tilts his face, lips catching at the juncture of your jaw and your cheek in a soft kiss.
“Tell me what you want,” he murmurs. He leaves another kiss, wet and firm, to the sensitive spot of your jaw, causing you to whimper. “We both know you want more than just my cock, darling. Go on. You can tell me.” He rubs his cock against your entrance and you whimper. “I know the dirty little thoughts you’ve been having, hm? Just tell me, and it’s all yours.”
Normally you’d be shy about it, bashful and embarrassed, but then again, you wouldn’t also be full of such persistent arousal that it feels like you’re dripping over the tip of his cock. So you groan, grabbing handfuls of his back as you say, firmly,
“I want your cum, Tom. I want…” You choke into a moan as he slides into you easily, meeting no resistance from your desperate cunt. “I want you to fill me up,” you say, “Want- want to feel you cumming in me. Have it drip out of me afterwards.” You whimper as he starts to thrust into you. “Want you to make a mess.”
Tom groans, his voice deep and raspy.
“There’s a good girl,” he murmurs, voice thick with appreciation. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?” He’s slow with his thrusts, but they’re deep. You feel the pleasurable stretch that comes with each one of his movements, his thrusts nudging his cock further each time. You’re revelling in it, moaning loudly as you cling to the packed muscles on his back, your body full of warmth as you take him in again.  “Feels so fucking snug, angel.”
Your eyes are squeezed shut, your body twitching each time Tom pulls out only to sink back into you, your heat warm and wet. “Missed this,” you whimper, voice high. “Missed this so much.”
“Mmm, bet you have, darling.” Tom’s kissing over your collarbones, nibbling at your skin with light kisses. His curls brush at your neck. “Your fingers don’t feel as good as my cock, do they?”
“No.”
“But you tried, didn’t you? Can just imagine it. You coming up here, all alone, missing me.” Tom smirks against your neck, and you shiver. “Working yourself open with a few fingers, trying to pretend they were me. But it wouldn’t ever feel as good as this, would it?”
Your body is on fire, the muscles in your legs pulled tight with exertion, the heat in the pit of your stomach rising with each thrust. You reach down and grab at one of Tom’s hands, twirling your fingers together and clinging on for dear life.
“No, nothing’s as good as this.”
“Didn’t think so.” Tom’s voice is thick, mingling with the sounds of slapping arousal that fill the room. “Can’t wait to fill you up,” he grunts. He pulls his face away from your neck and meets your eyes, his gaze primal and dark. His thrusts grow more purposeful, and you’re whining as you feel his hips grinding down against your clit every time. “Been dreaming of this tight little cunt, love. Every night, thought about fucking you. Cumming in you and listening to you moaning when you feel my cum fill you up, shit-”
You’re so close, and his words just make you clench around him.
“Please, please,” you beg, mind gone. You squeeze at his hand, your other one grabbing at his back as you cling to him, craving everything. “I want it, Tom, fuck, make me cum, fill me up. I need it, I need you.”
“Such a fucking angel,” Tom murmurs. He bites the top of your shoulder as you shake, and with a final thrust and burst of pressure to your clit, you’re there. “Oh, fuck, darling, squeezing me so tight- there you go, fuck, so perfect, love, that’s it.”
The strength of your climax is so powerful that it takes you out for a few moments, but you feel Tom peaking right after. You moan, your eyes rolling back as you feel him pulse inside you, shooting his warm seed deep within you as he swears and holds you near, rocking his hips against yours until you’re both spent.
He slumps against your chest, and you sigh contentedly as you roll your fingers through his hair. Bliss fills every part of you.
“Missed you,” you say, smiling down at him when he raises his gaze to you.
Tom sits straighter and leans up until he’s able to kiss your lips again. He lingers up there, eyes sparkling brightly as he kisses you, two more times, in quick, light succession.
“Missed you too, darling.”
750 notes · View notes
meltwonu · 3 years
Text
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| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 20] FINAL
pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader
this chapter’s notes; camshow, sex toys, shibari, dom!seungcheol, dirty talk, overstimulation/forced orgasms, squirting, degradation, name calling, daddy!kink, gags! 😍💕 ✨HAPPY NEW YEAR!!✨ Here’s to more fun fics in 2021! I can’t believe this is our last chapter though omg 😭 It’s been suuuuch a journey and a privilege to write this little series out! I’ve honestly thought about a camgirl/boy series for like, over a year now, and I’m glad I finally did it! I completed one of my goals! 🥺💕 2020 was definitely a wild one, but I want to thank you all so fuckin’ much for supporting me and stickin’ it out with me all year! Here’s to more in the coming year!💕 Also I was proofreading this at the dining table last night thinking my roommate wouldn’t come out of their room but they did(while I was making dinner and my hands were dirty so I couldnt close my laptop ☠️) and they walked past my laptop and now I’m convinced they saw my fucking smut fic right in the open so yes my little mini-break next week is MUCH needed cause I am ✨embarrassed✨ 🤣 I’ll still do my inbox roundup tomorrow and probably answer a bunch of small thirst posts ‘n stuff throughout the week but there won’t be any drabbles! For now, enjoy chapter 20 🥺, have a safe weekend, and remember that I love you~ ❤️🍒💕
chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 COMPLETE
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Seungcheol wakes up much earlier than you do the next morning; pressing a kiss to your forehead as you groan and snuggle deeper into your pillow.
“Baby, I need to go run some errands for a little bit, okay? Just keep sleeping, you don’t need to get up yet. But, I made breakfast and put it in the microwave for you when you decide to get up later.”
His voice is muffled and you can barely understand what he’s saying but you nod; a soft sigh on your lips when you drift back into dreamland. He takes his time getting ready, checking his phone notifications as he gets dressed and places a note on the nightstand knowing that you didn’t catch a single word he said.
‘Hey, did you get everything I asked for?’
Jimin🧍🏻: of course, who do you think I am? Jeongguk?
Jimin🧍🏻: and btw, i’m just giving you a crash course okay? We don’t really have a ton of time
Jimin🧍🏻: did you watch those tutorial videos I sent you?
‘Yeah, I did some practice on my breaks, but I guess you can tell me if I’m doing anything wrong.’
Jimin🧍🏻: okee, i’ll be waiting. Don’t get here too late!
‘I’ll be otw soon. Thanks again, Jimin.’
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“Ow--damn, okay, you don’t need to tug on it so much!”
“Sorry, I’ll be careful! And why are we practicing on you anyway?! Couldn’t you just have shown me pictures or something?”
“How else will you learn if not on an actual body? It doesn’t work the same way, Seungcheol.” Jimin pauses, checking himself in the mirror. “Also, keep in mind she does have boobs so just… go slow, okay? It’s not gonna sit like this on her.”
Seungcheol blushes a crimson red; biting the inside of his cheek at how amateur he was at this.
“Okay…”
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Seungcheol is gone for a lot longer than you anticipate and although he replies quickly to your texts, you can’t help but be curious about where he’d gone and what he was doing.
Especially knowing that the two of you had to film tonight and knowing that everything was up to Seungcheol.
A shiver rolls down your body at the thought and you quickly try to shake off the nerves that seem to slowly invade your body when your mind starts to wander.
“It’ll be fine, I’m sure…”
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“I’m home!”
“Where have you--oh, that’s… a b-big box? Um, should I be concerned...”
Seungcheol grins, shrugging as he sets it onto the kitchen counter. “Just some supplies for tonight. I had to go pick them up from a friend but I had to make sure everything was right.” He notices the way you can’t seem to take your eyes off of the box; eyes twinkling when he makes his way towards you.
He tilts your head up to meet his in a searing kiss, lips easing into a smile when you wrap your arms around his neck and melt under his touch. You moan against his lips just before he pulls away; staring dreamily at him while his hands start to roam over your clothed body.
“We have a long night ahead of us, sweetheart. Let’s pamper you a little before then, hmm?”
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j__min: ??? where’s the loverboy
j__min has donated $200
angelhan has donated $75
therealchan99 has donated $50
xcaliburDK has donated $75
xcaliburDK: is that the sybian? Haven’t seen that in a looong while
You bite your lip and nod, somewhat shy as you sit alone in front of the camera. “Seungcheol’s still… setting up but he told me to start! I’m a little nervous, to be honest…” Your eyes flit to Seungcheol who rummages through the box in the kitchen and from the angle you’re sat in, you can’t see a single thing he takes out.
Earlier, he’d cooked you your favorite meal and even took the time to give you a full body massage before the two of you cuddled on the sofa and watched a movie. To you, it seemed a little too suspiciously tame and you only found yourself more nervous when he made you drink two glasses of water and ever so quietly announced it was time to start getting ready for the camshow.
“He’s being so suspicious! He was even gone for a few hours earlier today…” You mumble; brows furrowed at the camera before checking the comments.
It still amazed you every time with how much money you and Seungcheol made from the camshows and videos and it made you feel even better knowing that everyone loved the chemistry the two of you had together. There were a lot of video requests and ideas mixed in with the comments at any given time and you were definitely ready to pitch some to Seungcheol now that you’d rebranded your channel to be a couple’s channel instead.
“Almost done, sweetheart!”
gc__koo: he told me to watch cuz he was being suspicious with me too 
gc__koo has donated $50
alphagyu97: what is he even plotting
alphagyu97: i am excited to see the sybian again tho ngl
artist8hao: pretty baby gonna squirt for us again?
universe_WZ: hell fuckin yea let us see how fuckin wrecked you get on that machine
You feel your pussy clench around emptiness at their comments; already feeling yourself getting wetter and wetter with the anticipation.
Movement out of the corner of your eye catches your attention and Seungcheol walks towards the bed with a wide smile and the same box in hand. “Ready?” You can only nod back slowly, watching as he dumps the contents of the box right next to your body.
gc__koo: oy
chwenon: oh shit
sleepy_wonu: oh baby, you’re in for it now
sleepy_wonu has donated $100
Your entire body fills with warmth as you look over the various objects; unsure of where to really look first. “I, um--”
A stack of red ropes sits next to a small bullet vibrator that sits next to a ball gag that sits next to a pair of EMT shears and your eyes immediately flit up to Seungcheol who only smirks back at your shocked expression. “I had some other toys I wanted to use but I figured I should go easy on you, y’know? Since you showed me some mercy last night.”
Nodding, you reach out towards the ropes, touching them shyly. “Why red?”
“Thought they’d be on theme for you, babygirl.”
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Seungcheol takes his time; remembering Jimin’s words when he tugs the ropes around your wrists.
“Colour, babygirl?”
“G-green… daddy…”
He nods, sitting up on his knees behind you as you sit on the sybian and face the camera. You bite your lip, somewhat embarrassed that you were already soaking the toy underneath you as Seungcheol worked to bind your arms behind you.
“D--daddy, where did you l-learn this?” You whisper, somewhat curious if this had anything to do with why he was gone for so long earlier in the day.
“Mm, daddy’s friend Jimin was kind enough to help me get the tools and teach me a few tricks to make sure I kept my babygirl safe. Wasn’t that kind of him?” You nod gently, gulping when you shift atop the machine slightly in hopes of relieving some of the growing sexual tension in your body. “Why don’t you thank him properly, sweetheart?”
Your hazy eyes make eye contact with the camera, head tilted slightly. “T-thank you, J-Jimin… for--for helping daddy…”
j__min: omg a shoutout ive made it
kitty_junjun: we never thought we’d see the day
tangerine_kwan: and here we all thought you were gonna be the bad guy huh
hoshi_tiger_xx: like when u only see previews of the book online but the rest of it is different ykwim
Seungcheol makes sure your arms are bound snug enough but not too tight; leaning away slightly to admire his rope work. “Feeling okay so far, babygirl?”
Nodding, you whine back slightly. “Y-yes, daddy… But… my--my pussy wants s-something…” He laughs in return, readjusting so that he’s sitting on your side this time to give himself easier access to start the rest of the bindings.
“Is that so? You’re gonna have to be a little more patient this time ‘cause daddy’s not done yet.” He starts working on the rest of the harness; going slow and checking in with you often to make sure none of the ropes were digging into your skin or making you uncomfortable. “You’ll have to forgive me a little though, I’m admittedly a ‘lil inexperienced so our pretty babygirl is only going to be tied up in this pretty harness for tonight.”
gentleman_josh95: the fact u even took the time to learn just for her
gentleman_josh95 has donated $100
artist8hao: seriously, the dedication
kitty_junjun: we stan a man who knows safety and etiquette 
Comments of reassurance and donations flood in at Seungcheol’s small apology and although the two of you are in your own world; you can tell from just the amount of pings coming from your laptop that they all seemed to be encouraging him.
The two of you fall into a comfortable silence as Seungcheol continues to move around you on the bed to finish the harness and a smile graces his lips when he starts to secure the last knots in the back. He can’t help but mentally pat himself on the back at how neatly he’d done it for his first time.
“There. All done, baby.”
Your eyes flit to the laptop’s screen to see yourself; cheeks hot when you see how fucked out you already look and he hadn’t even touched you properly or turned on the machine.
The star harness Seungcheol had tied looks pretty with red ropes and you can’t hide your smile at how good it looks on you too either. “Ah, daddy made it really p-pretty… Thank you.”
This time, Seungcheol nods, letting you admire yourself as he silently reaches for the small remote for the sybian, switching it on.
Your entire body lurches forward as soon as the vibrations attack your clit and you immediately find yourself moaning and grinding down onto the machine as he gives you some relief.  
“You’re welcome, babygirl. Now let’s really have some fun, huh?”
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You need to cum.
Badly.
“Awww, is my pretty baby drooling? Does it feel that good on your sensitive ‘lil clit?” He teases, smoothing down your hair as you cry around the ball gag in your mouth; drool seeping out from the side of your lips when he raises the vibrations a setting higher.
You don’t know how many times he’d played with the settings and edged you by now, but all you do know is that the urge to cum only grows stronger as you grind against the machine, soaking it with your wetness as you chase the pleasure building up in your body again.  
Surely cumming was okay, right? He never said you couldn’t.
You whimper around the ball gag, eyes fluttering shut when the tension in your body snaps in the blink of an eye and your thighs clamp down onto the sides of the machine. Throwing your head back, you moan against the gag and ride out your high as Seungcheol watches you from the side.
“Mm, bet that felt good, huh? But I know you want something in that greedy ‘lil cunt of yours, don’t you? You want daddy’s cock slamming into your tight ‘lil hole ‘til it’s full of my cum, right, sweetheart?” He licks his lips, turning off the sybian as you slump forward.
universe_WZ: shit shes so sensitive
chwenon: especially with her arms bound like that i bet she’s on cloud nine rn
gentleman_josh95: her cute lil head is probably all fuzzy already from all the sensations
therealchan99 has donated $100
gc__koo has donated $75
j__min has donated $150
All you can do is whimper and nod; teary eyes blinking back at Seungcheol as he smirks and leans in towards you.
“Mmm, you’ll get what you want eventually. But for now, you’re gonna cum again.”
He turns the sybian back on, licking his lips when he sees your body tensing again. It was always easier to get you to cum a second time and his point is proven when you mewl around the ball gag a few minutes later; chest heaving in stuttered breaths as you try to shy away from the toy still vibrating against your overly sensitive clit when you’re quickly thrown into another orgasm.
“You always cum for daddy so easily, don’t you, babygirl?”
Your head feels fuzzy after already cumming twice in such a short span of time but you nod, head lolling to the side as Seungcheol finally turns the sybian off for good.
Seungcheol gives you a second to catch your breath before he’s scooting in and fiddling with the clasps at the back of your head to take the ball gag off.
A thread of saliva connects your lips to the gag and you whimper at how good it feels to be able to actually speak again. “D-daddy…” Drool drips from your mouth as your lead lolls forward and Seungcheol is quick to bring a hand up to keep your head up as he looks into your lust filled eyes.
“Colour, sweetheart?”
“Still g-green…” He nods back, checking to make sure none of the ropes had shifted. “Would you like some water before we continue, baby?”
“Yes, daddy…”
He fetches you a glass of water, tilting it against your lips as you down the entire glass and you find yourself a little surprised at how needed it was. “Thank you, d-daddy…”
“You’re welcome, babygirl. Ready to keep going?”
You nod, a little bit more energized. “I hope everyone, mmh, l-likes the show so f-far~” Your teary vision prevents you from reading the comments and before you can even make an effort to, Seungcheol is already helping you off of the machine and helping you sit on the bed across from him.
alphagyu97: ugh she looks so fucking good in that harness
angelhan: right? That shade of red looks so good against her skin too
angelhan: so fuckin pretty
tangerine_kwan: pics for the private room later? Plz i beg
Seungcheol takes this time to take off his boxer briefs, cock curving up against his abdomen when he’s fully naked across from you. He wraps a hand around his cock, moaning and spreading the precum down his shaft as you watch. “D’you want this, baby?”
Your lips fall open in a silent moan as you watch Seungcheol jerk himself off and you can’t help but squirm. “Y-yes…”
“Tell me exactly what you want then. Let them hear what a filthy little slut you are for me.” You can’t help but feel miserably empty watching him and despite having already cum twice, you want his cock fucking you open and making you cum again.
“I--I--”
“Yes, babygirl?”
“I, ngh, I want d-daddy’s cock… Please? Ah, I--I wanna feel you fucking my--my pussy into the, mmh, s-shape of your c-cock… And I w-want you to c-cum inside my--my slutty little h-hole…”
Seungcheol scoffs, hips shallowly thrusting up into his enclosed fist. “That’s right. You’re just my slutty ‘lil babygirl that lets me use all her tight holes how I please, right? You like it when I cum down your throat and in your pretty ‘lil ass. But we all know you like it best when I cum in your hot ‘lil cunt. Makes you feel all warm and full, doesn’t it? You like it when my cum is dripping out of your spent cunt and sliding down your shaky thighs.” This time you nod furiously as you whine back in response.
“P-please… Can’t wait any--anymore!”
This time, the impatience takes over as you slightly tug on the ropes; whining when they don’t give. “Daddy!”
And this time, he gives in quicker than he anticipates, growling as he reaches for the EMT shears to cut you from the harness. “Don’t let your arms down, no matter how much you want to. You’re going to strain your arms if you move too fast so let me handle it, okay, sweetheart?”
The sudden gentleness in his voice has a giddy warmth pouring over you as you nod and sit still while he cuts at various points of the harness to make the ropes fall loose around your arms and chest. You keep your arms in the same position like he requested and you soon feel his hands roaming your skin and massaging your arms to get the blood flowing again.
“You’re so good for me, baby.” He whispers against your hair, leaning down to kiss your shoulder before he slowly easing your arms down from being folded behind your back.
He continues to massage your arms for a few more minutes before it’s you that’s getting impatient. “Daddy… Can you fuck me now?” Whispering, you slightly turn your body to the side to meet his gentle stare.
Seungcheol laughs under his breath, nodding. “Lay on your back for me, legs spread.”
You follow his orders as you quickly scramble to get into position; legs spread wide for him to situate himself between.
“Mm, your pussy is still so fuckin’ wet. I wanna taste you on my tongue, baby.” Whines spill from your lips as you shake your head ‘no.’
“No! My p-pussy feels empty, I need y-your cock, daddy… ‘n I’m so wet, you can probably, ah, just s-slide your cock in…”
He wraps a hand around his cock just as you wrap your legs around his waist and he guides himself until the head of his cock is right at your entrance.
Neither of you say a word as he slowly starts to sink his cock in; guttural moans on his lips when he meets no resistance and bottoms out in a singular thrust. “Holy fuck, your cunt is so fuckin’ wet. Shit, and so t-tight!” You clench around him, already feeling good with his cock inside of you as you beg him to fuck you hard and fast.
“Ngh, p-please fuck me like--like I’m your, hah, c-cocksleeve… I want it f-fast, daddy!”
He grits his teeth at your words; drawing his hips back before snapping them into you just how you wanted. “Fast, hmm? All you think about in that pretty head of yours is my cock pounding you open, huh? Slamming into you so fuckin’ good, it makes your toes curl when you cum.”
Seungcheol starts a quick pace, already feeling the pleasure building up for himself when you’re reduced to garbled noises and broken cries of his name. The heels of your feet dig into the small of his back as you try to press him in closer and he’s quick to reach for the small bullet vibrator left on the bed next to your body.
“Your body is so fuckin’ sensitive, I can already feel how tight you’re getting around me. So fuckin’ greedy to cum too. Already came twice and you still want more. You’re not satisfied until your whole body is shaking underneath me, huh, sweetheart?” He turns the small toy on, pressing it to your clit as you yelp and let out choked sobs.
“Ah, ngh, d-daddy, my--my clit’s t-too sen--sensitive! I--I can’t--!” Squirming, you feel the pressure building up obscenely quick; bottom lip quivering when he takes one of your free hands and makes you hold the toy to your swollen clit.
“Just a little more, sweetheart. Don’t you wanna cum?”
He angles his thrusts to graze against your g-spot and loud cries of his name leave your lips in a hurried, jumbled mess when he only doubles his pace.
The sound of donations and comments pour in like water and get lost within the ringing in your ears; unable to even warn Seungcheol that you’re about to cum when you feel your entire body starting to lock up underneath him.
Your lips part in a silent scream and your back bows off of the bed, thighs shaking uncontrollably as you cum for the third time. Seungcheol growls, fucking you through it as you squirt all over his lower half.  He finds it harder and harder to thrust into you as you cum, but he feels himself quickly following suit with your warm walls fluttering around his cock.
“Fuck, baby, that’s right. Squirt for me, get me fuckin’ soaked while you cum.” He uses a free hand to make sure you keep the toy pressed to your clit, growling when he starts to unload his cum inside of you. “Mmh, gonna fill your cunt up with what you want, baby.”
A shaky moan leaves your lips as you feel him throbbing inside your pussy; walls clamped down onto him in a vice grip as you ride out the remnants of your orgasm.
“Ah, d-daddy’s cumming suh--so much inside of my p-pussy…”
Whining, you feel Seungcheol’s grip on your hand give way as he rides out his pleasure and you take the opportunity to turn off the small bullet vibrator while he doesn’t notice.
You watch his face contort in pleasure, hips still shallowly thrusting into you as his entire body shivers above you.
“D-daddy’s so h-handsome...” You mumble, cheeks hot when he cracks a smile through the pleasure wracking his body and chuckles under his breath. 
“Thank you, babygirl.” 
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After you end the show, Seungcheol makes sure to cuddle with you on the bed for a little while longer.
“One more glass of water, baby.” You whine in response, pouting up at him before he gets up from the soaked sheets. 
“But I already had a glass! If you have a piss kink just say so, ‘Cheol!”
He lets out a boisterous laugh at your comment, trudging back to the bed from the kitchen with another glass of water for you. “You need to be hydrated, sweetheart. You came three times and we played a little more rough today. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” 
“Fine, but you didn’t deny my comment.” You snarkily reply, taking the glass from him as you down the water. 
“Don’t make me have to punish you again! I’ll have you know I still need to get you all washed up and change the bed--”
A faint pinging has the two of you turning to the laptop; still on your camming homepage from where you’d checked the revenues from tonight’s show. 
A small [1] sits above your inbox and Seungcheol is quick to turn to you with an eyebrow raised. “I thought you turned off the messaging system on your profile?” 
You tilt your head in confusion, handing him the emptied glass. “I did. The only messages I should get are from, like, the actual system admins or other creator accounts which, I haven’t received any ‘til... now, I guess?”
Seungcheol sets the glass down onto the nightstand before he takes a seat next to you, dragging the laptop closer as you go to check the notification. 
“’Love&Letter Films’? Aren’t they one of the biggest adult film companies?” Mumbling, you click on the message, giving yourself and Seungcheol a second to process the message that stares back at you; a shocked smile on your lips.
‘Hello!
I hope this message finds Cherry and Seungcheol well. 
We, at ‘Love&Letter Films’, have really enjoyed the shows and videos from your channel throughout the years and we really have enjoyed watching the growth of your channel and the addition of Seungcheol to it. The dynamics between the two of you are rare in this industry and we’ve yet to see anyone like the two of you in this market. 
The shows from the last two nights have proven that the two of you have the right kind of chemistry to film together for bigger productions and we would love to hire you for a few film productions we have planned in the upcoming weeks as a feeler. Of course, all expenses paid by us if you would kindly take our offer. 
We love the various scenes and roles that the two of you take on with ease and we would love to help propel your careers forward, should you pursue a career in the adult entertainment industry. 
Please don’t hesitate to contact me as I’ve listed my contact information below. I’m excited to hear from the two of you and hope to work with you in the future on many projects.
Respectfully, 
Kwon Soonyoung, L&L FILMS CEO’
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flowerwrites06 · 3 years
Text
break my mind’s eye special — jjk
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Plot: Jungkook thinks marriage is the only way to seal a deal.
Pairing(s): Druglord!Jungkook x Fashion Designer!OC (Name: Belle)
Rating: G | PG | M | R 18+
Type: Drabble | Oneshot | Two Parter | Series
Parts: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Special 
Word Count: 7k+
Genre: Mafia | Angst/Smut/Fluff
Tags & Warnings (for entire series): drug dealing, marriage through trickery, explicit smut, drug use, dubious consent, prostitution, miscarriage, lots of manipulation, impregnation through manipulation 
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Walking through the dark halls of permanently stained apartment building, Jungkook finally stood in front of a familiar number written on the text. He rapped at the wooden door a few times hearing a couple of grunts and rummaging from the other side. He sighed. “It’s me, Hoseok, you don’t have to hide the weed.”
“ Oh! ”
A few locks clicked here and there before the door swung open to welcome a light air of smoke mixed with the stench alone that could make Jungkook high. Hoseok gave him a loose smile, holding onto his arm as a wide grin spread across his lips. “You finally made it!”
Jungkook hummed trying not to grimace too much at the smell as the older male closed the door behind them.
“Come on, tell me…” Hoseok patted his back, prancing towards the couch where the coffee table was exuding smoke.
The apartment was miniscule with one bedroom door open on the left and a tiny kitchen on the right with a window next to the fridge. Another one near the dining table. Walls were a gross green tint and the floors a dull brown with black velvet couches that were ripped a little at the edges. But Jungkook could not complain.
“Tell you what?” The younger male dropped his bag on the floor and sat on the couch next to him, burying his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.
Hoseok picked his joint back up and hovered it near his lips. “What was prison like?” He sucked in his cheeks causing the ambers to light up at the end before he blew the thick smoke away from Jungkook.
“Like living with a bunch of criminals. What else?”
“So just like old times then.” Hoseok smirked.
Jungkook glanced at the male for a moment before scoffing out a chuckle. “Yeah…pretty much.” Except there was one difference. Every time he pranced with criminals like himself in the past, he was a leader. In prison, he was young, fresh meat. Before he would also come back home to a warm embrace in bed instead of a steel bed alone with a stinky roommate.
“Well it’s all over now.” He blew out another puff of smoke, shifting to rest his head back against the couch. “You can start doing something else with your life. Something different. Not a lot of people like us get that chance.”
For the first time, he noticed a slight sadness in Hoseok’s tone despite being pumped with artificial endorphins.
His eyes flickered down to the coffee table, noticing the burger wrappers and scattered newspapers. One of them immediately caught his eye. Jungkook sat up again, pulling one of them out of the pile, the right corner of his lips twitched seeing the familiar face.
‘ FAMED DESIGNER KIM BELLE RULES TOKYO FASHION WEEK ’
A side by side picture of a model wearing violet and gold ensemble which almost resembled the traditional kimono with a modern, royal twist. The picture on the right showed her. Belle wearing a simple black dress with her gorgeous waves out and a gracious smile spread across her lips.
‘ Twenty seven year old fashion designer Kim Belle takes all the popularity and buzz with her winter designs for Tokyo Fashion Week. Showing her long love for traditional Japanese fashion culture along with an inspiring movement for domestic violence and trafficking victims by showcasing broken chains and kimono style gowns. An elegant mix of grace and fight for personal freedom. Truly an impressive successor to the legend that was Madame Saito and we are definitely going to keep an eye out for more of her daring projects. ’
“She made a big damn name of herself.” Hoseok broke through the thick coat of silence Jungkook had around him.
“She deserves it.” More than I ever did.
The older male searched his expression for a moment, scoffing a little. “Dude, I have to ask.”
Jungkook met his gaze as he leaned back onto the couch again with the newspaper still in his hands. “What?”
“Why her?”
His brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you—literally could’ve had anyone in the entire country to pose as your fake wife or whatever. But you chose a fashion designer who barely knew anything about you to begin with…” Hoseok shook his head with a light wince. “What was your angle?” Some part of him did not want to believe Jungkook simply blackmailed someone for his own amusement because he knew the man was better than that.
Jungkook wished he had a decent reason to blurt out to him. Maybe he was just inherently evil and wanted to hurt Belle for his own pleasure. Maybe he wanted to fuck her one time just for kicks before dragging her out a little further until it was too much. Maybe he was just sick in the head, wanting to claim a girl who could not say a word against him because her and her brother’s life were wrapped around his finger. Except none of them felt like the truth. “I honestly thought she’d say no.”
“Oh fuck off—”
“Seriously I…” He shrugged a little. “I really thought she was going to punch me and storm out of there with her brother.”
“But the guards wouldn’t let her. I mean—no offense, buddy but you would’ve probably killed her. Knowing you from back then.” Hoseok scrunched his nose lightly.
“She did something ten times more dangerous though.” Jungkook couldn’t resist the jolt of pride bursting in him. “I destroyed her—so she waited until she destroyed me.”
Hoseok chortled a little, voice incredibly raspy. “I wouldn’t call going to jail for your crimes destroying you but sure…”
Jungkook shared a small laugh, nodding as he looked at her picture again. He could almost still feel her soft skin underneath his palm. How her hair smelled when he would hug her from behind as they slept, the way it soothed him to a calmer sleep.
“It’s a thing of the past though…” He tilted his head as his expression turned a little more serious. “…right? No more pulling her into shit she doesn’t deserve?”
“Yeah—yeah, of course.”
“Good…cause Belle’s the star of the city now. One wrong move towards her, you’re back in jail or worse.” Hoseok raised his brow a little making sure there was not a hint of determination on that young face of doing anything stupid. “You don’t have guards or power by your side and Taehyung isn’t addicted anymore. Has a wife and kid…he’s got the dad anger. So he will beat the living shit out of you if you give him the motivation.”
“I know, Hobi.” Jungkook chuckled, patting his thigh gently. “I don’t want her to go through it again either.”
Hoseok hummed a little taking another waft from his joint as he looked out the window, the sky tinted purple. “Alright. I’m gonna go and eat my girlfriend out.” He patted his shoulder, walking up to his bedroom.
“You had to look at the time for that?” Jungkook winced despite the grin on his face.
“Brother, when you’re together for this long, things need schedules.” He walked out of the bedroom with a black duffel bag putting out the joint onto the ashtray. “Food’s in the fridge and there’s Netflix open on the laptop.”
Jungkook waved him off before the door clicked close leaving him in his thoughts. For some reason, all he could do was look back at the newspaper and try to salvage that warm feeling again. The feeling of a true home that could never be.
-
Purple faded into a deep blue across the skies as Jungkook paced around the apartment in his bare torso, scattered with more imperfect tattoos. One cellmate liked doing tattoos because it calmed him down so the younger male did not hesitate much to let him use his skin. He was a nice man who had been thrown in jail for being a drug mule all his life and Jungkook could not help but have a nauseating guilt in his stomach.
Drug mules were essentially trafficked human slaves from Jungkooks’ experience. Their owners use their lives and bodies to transport goods without being detected and usually they start off terrifyingly young or desperate or both. All this service was done for almost little to no money. They were more abused victims than criminals but the legal system were not good at telling the difference sometimes.
Jungkook allowed his body to be used as if giving himself some kind of cathartic relief allowing the broken soul to control something else for a while instead of being controlled. Thus his skin now littered with designs of devil horns, tiger flowers and his own personal request was a tiny print font ‘B’ on his collarbone. No one could truly see it up close but he wanted to feel it there.
Chugging a generous sip from his beer bottle, he quietly observed the night sky glimmering with stars while the city shone in neon. The one thing his mansion lacked was the clear view of how alive everything looked at night.
A knock sounded on the door causing his head to shoot to the side.
Hoseok should not have been home at this hour. Even if he was, the man would not knock in his own apartment.
Jungkook opened the kitchen drawer and brandished a knife before making his way over to the door. Another knock sounded again. It was a gentle knock. Almost shy. But he knew better than soften up so easily. Carefully, he peeked through the peephole trying not to make too much of a sound even though the wooden floors creaked far too much.
His heart jumped right up to his throat seeing the familiar face on the other side. Jungkook almost dropped the knife on the floor trying to focus as best as he could. Was he drunk already? Was he dreaming? Gulping down, he placed the knife on the side table along with the beer bottle and opened the door.
When the view became clear to him, Jungkook let out a sharp breath. “Belle.”
Her hair was shorter up to her shoulders compared to the length in the newspaper picture except she still always kept her natural waves. Eyes a little glazed while her flushed lips spread into a weak smile before pressing them together again. “I-I don’t–I don’t know why I’m here.” Belle’s furrowed her brows a little.
“It’s okay.” He whispered. “Come in.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course.” Jungkook smiled even though a small tinge of sadness shone in his eyes.
He opened the door further for her to enter before closing it behind him. Eyes flickered down to her grey sweatpants and frilly white socks paired with a thick sweater like she just woke up from a nap.
Belle kept her back to him for a few minutes, pretending to observe the apartment even though she was really just trying to figure out why she was here. Questions muddled her mind over and over again. Any valid or logical answer. There was nothing. No reason to be standing here when she tried so hard to walk away from him. She did everything to get away. Now she walked right back without any coercion.
Jungkook tilted his head attempting to meet her gaze but decided not to force it too much. “You cut your hair.” A smile twitched on his lips. “It looks nice.”
She absentmindedly touched her waves, breathing out a small chuckle. “Thank you.”
“Uh—how did you know I was here?”
“Namjoon helped me track you down.” Belle mumbled, guilt pooling in the pit of her belly going behind Yoongi’s back like this. She still remembered what Namjoon said when he gave her the address.
‘I’m only giving you this because I know you’re tough as nails…no matter what people say to you…but the second anything goes wrong, you call me.’ Namjoon had become a close friend in the last few years. He had been escorting her back and forth from home to work.
Yoongi had been disallowed to see her after being undercover so he could get a proper therapy before doing field work again. So Namjoon seemed the next obvious choice to take care of her.
Finally Belle turned around to face him, eyes raking down his torso and seeing new designs etched on his skin. Not as precise as the phoenix but still beautiful. “The tattoos look good.”
Jungkook glanced down at his torso with a soft grin. “A friend did them for me.” He met her gaze again even though she quickly averted it, plunging silence back into the room as they waited for it to be filled. “Belle…why are you here?”
Her body deflated as the question lingered in the air, lump growing in her throat while her knees kept trembling. “I—” Belle closed her eyes. “I mis—I missed you.” She smiled sadly before trailing her glossy gaze away again. “It sounds stupid when I say after so long.” Her voice kept getting constricted from the lump, tears filling at the brim of her eyes. “But I still think about you…I still kept that—stupid letter after all these years.”
A familiar warmth seeped through his veins knowing she missed him but it still mixed with dread and guilt. Jungkook scarred her memories forever with his presence and she was so confused on what it meant. He could see the way she shifted and looked away as if trying to push reality away but face it all the same. “I hurt you a lot. I’m so sorry—if I—if I could do it all over again, I’d do it better.”
“How could it have been better?” Belle shook her head. “We met when my brother owed you a debt.”
Jungkook raised his shoulders. “Maybe we’d have met at your boutique.” He attempted to smile a little at the thought of just walking into that boutique and falling in love the normal way. The happy way. “I’d have flirted with you a lot and you’d roll your eyes at me. We’d travel together to Paris or Tokyo, explore the things we love and eat ice-cream until our stomachs ached.” A tiny chuckle passed through his lips.
Belle had to suck in her trembling bottom lip as tears began escaping down her cheeks. “And?”
“We’d get married…properly. Away from my family, we’d relax somewhere at a beach.” The visions in his mind played without any effort causing his eyes to flood knowing it was all an impossible dream now. “We’d have children…we’d love them so much, Belle—”
She couldn’t hold in the sobs that shook through her body. At the very mention of children, Belle felt a tingle under the skin of her belly, memories of the aches still lingering. “Why didn’t you just take the money?”
“What?” He whispered.
“Why didn’t you just take the money? And don’t tell me it was because of business or keeping up appearances. Why? Why me?”
The ever burning question. Even the interrogators asked them the question. What was the motive to taking in Miss Kim? A lot of people owed you debts. Jungkook only answered with a vague, menial answer that had no real connection to his deeds as a boss.
“It was—it was just an impulse…”
Belle’s expression hardened even though her eyes still looked so vulnerable and broken. “An impulse?” Her voice was small and meek. “That’s it?”
“I didn’t think you’d—say yes.”
Saying it to Hoseok was easy. Saying it to Belle felt evil. Jungkook noticed the darkness clouding over her beautiful features, a mixture of heartbreak and pure rage.
“You put my brother’s life on the line and you thought I wasn’t going to say yes?” Belle winced, tone rising back to its original power. A harsh slap of reality learning that one of the most traumatizing experiences of her life happened because one man had an impulse decision to use his power over her.
“Belle, it was years ago—”
“So why am I still getting nightmares about it?!” She shrieked leaving a tense silence to plunge into the room while her voice still echoed through the walls a little. “W-why h-haven’t I stopped seeing t-that mansion every time I close my eyes? Wh-why do I wake u-up scared that I’m still in that room w-while they watch—” Belle let out a loud, trembling breath closing her eyes. Tears rolled down her cheeks, dripping to her chest from her jawline as she hugged herself tightly.
Jungkook stammered, swallowing down the painful lump in his throat as he attempted to keep his composure. “You didn’t have to come and see me.” He whispered.
“I wanted you to see me.” Belle sniffled shakily. “Staying away from you doesn’t help because you could always push it out. I can’t—I can’t push it out because it’s inside me.”
“You think all this has been easy for me? That I just pushed it out?” Jungkook shook his head with a pained expression as their gazes met again. “Yeah our first meeting was an impulse but that didn’t mean it was always like that. I stopped a lot of contact with my family when you told me you were pregnant. That letter was meant to be the last thing I said to my parents before we left.”
Belle wanted to argue that he just started getting sympathetic after her pregnancy but she would be a hypocrite. Even she felt softened knowing a child was growing inside her. “You wanted to kill the mayor too, Jungkook, how long would that have taken?”
“Overnight if it meant I’d be escaping somewhere with you.” Jungkook spoke without hesitation, still remembering all the plans he had in place for their move.
“But I would’ve lost the baby anyway.” She smiled sadly. “It was natural causes.”
The male took a few careful steps forward, trying not to intimidate her but hopefully close a little more distance between them. “I didn’t just do it for the baby, Belle.” Jungkook sighed. “I did it cause I love you…but I knew we couldn’t be happy if we were at that mansion and I was still running the cartel.”
Belle sniffled. “I wish you didn’t love me.” Her chin trembled, her body tired of brewing more sobs as tears filled her eyes again. “I wish I didn’t love you. Maybe all this would be easier.”
“When has it ever been easy between us?”
“That’s the problem.” She pressed her lips together. “Love shouldn’t be this difficult. Maybe sometimes but—every single day wondering whether what you’re feeling is real…or worrying that something terrible is going to happen if I stay with you for too long.” Features contorted in pain as she stumbled on her feet a little.
Jungkook’s inhibitions banished immediately seeing her trip slightly, rushing to her side and gently holding onto her arm. Before he could say anything, he felt Belle rest her head on his chest. A burst of butterflies soared across his belly having that familiar smell touch his nostrils and the warmth of her body radiating onto his cold bare skin.
They didn’t say a single word as Jungkook properly wrapped his arms around her body, fingers brushing through her soft hair. Her sobs were quiet but her body still trembled and his embraced tightened a little. As if praying that all of her pain could be transferred to him so she did not have to suffer through it all.
Belle should have pulled away the moment he touched her but the warmth was too much. Her body felt heavy against his, melting onto his skin almost like they could join as one. Maybe that could repair some of the damage. Breathing became steady as she allowed herself to relax. A protective part of her still tried ensure she was not too vulnerable but another part said it was too late.
In this particular weakened moment, she was his and he was hers.
-
15 unread messages.
Namjoon: How did it go? Are you good?
Namjoon: Taehyung said you didn’t come home last night.
Namjoon: Belle?
Namjoon: I don’t want to have to track you down.
Namjoon: Please tell me if you’re okay.
Namjoon: Yoongi and Taehyung found out, I’m sorry.
Belle: I’m okay.
Namjoon: Jesus, don’t scare me like that.
Namjoon: Where are you?
Belle: I’m still at Jungkooks’ place.
Namjoon: Okay. Is everything alright?
Belle: I don’t know.
Namjoon: What do you mean? Did he hurt you?
Belle: No.
Namjoon: Just tell me what happened.
Namjoon: Look I’m not Yoongi or Taehyung. I won’t get mad, alright? You can tell me.
Belle: I slept with him.
Namjoon: Okay that’s fine.
Belle: No it’s not.
Namjoon: Did he hurt you or force you or anything?
Belle: No, no it was consensual.
Namjoon: Then I don’t see an issue.
Belle: How?
Namjoon: Considering he’s a former drug lord, I expected far worse things done to you then you two just consensually having sex.
Belle: Are they really angry?
Namjoon: I’ll handle Yoongi and Angel’s handling Taehyung. They’re grown men, they’ll get over it.
Namjoon: Just come back up again.
Belle: Okay. Thank you, Joon.
Namjoon: Anytime.
Belle let out a sigh, chest falling a little as she hugged her phone for a moment before placing it on the nightstand. Eyes scanned the ceiling, a few brownish stains here and there but nothing far too putrid. Her old apartment usually had those stains after a storm. She felt Jungkook shift a little, his arm still resting over her body while his face buried into her neck. It was so easy allowing the warmth to coat their little bubble.
Except it was not a bubble of theatrics. She was not pretending to be Mrs. Jeon anymore. She was a fashion designer with her boutique and Jungkook was a regular man trying to get by in the city. They were two normal people with no real threat to be together but they were here.
The ache between her legs still pulsed a little when she remembered the night before.
The very minute she resorted to hugging him, Belle knew it was going to be difficult to turn back from it. Deep recesses of her mind surfacing up to whisper in her ear that it would be okay just this once.
To feel him again.
To have his head between her legs at this moment, kissing and nibbling on all her sensitive nub while his fingers pads dug into her thighs. Jungkook took his time. Licking a stripe tantalizingly slow, tasting her juices until it was the only remnant on his tongue. He let out a breath through his nose as his lips wrapped fully around her clit, suckling passionately until her thighs closed up around his head only making him moan.
Belle whined against the vibrations on her aching, sensitive skin as her fingers found themselves knotting in his hair. Chest rising and falling she faced the ceiling. Lower belly burned and tightened as Jungkooks’ movement did not falter, shaking his head a little to jolt more of that head-spinning heat.
Bed creaked as Belle straddled him, bouncing at a steady pace while her hands rested on his torso. Moonlight painted her sweat glistening skin through the window. As if the whole city could see her relishing in her own guilty pleasure. Except the guilt was nowhere to be found.
His hand trailed up her abdomen to cup her breasts gently, digging a little into her tender skin to earn a small whimper from the woman. Then he moved up to her neck. Jungkook cupped the side, thumb tracing her bottom lip while the other hand gripped at her shaking hips.
Belle suckled on his digit muffling her moans all the while clenching tightly around his member until it sent shivering tingles up her spine. She hummed in satisfaction as Jungkook groaned at the pressure.
“You feel so good.” He pushed in his thumb a little further watching her slightly drenched curls fall over her face. A smile curled up at the corner of his lips hearing the sinfully loud squelch sounds their thrusts emitted. “So fucking beautiful.” Jungkook whispered. He forced himself to keep his eyes open, wanting to take every second of how she tried to suck on his skin harder every time she dropped down roughly.
“I’m close.” Belle’s words were a little muddled against his thumb. Her thrusts grew desperate and relentless, pussy squelching violently as their incessant moans swirled in the sex scented air.
Bursts of searing heat and unbridled pleasure shook through their limbs, pulsing through her veins as Belle’s movements became sloppy. Jungkook had his head pressed deep against the pillow as his muscles tensed feeling her walls clench around him before he pulled himself out, release spewing out onto his belly. Belle cheekily reached down to touch his reddened member, giggling lightly when he jerked against it.
Jungkook followed with a breathless chuckle of his own as she rested back on his chest, uncaring of how messy they were.
It was the first time they laughed after sex.
Granted it was not much but last night gave her a dreamless sleep. A welcomed type of sleep. They cried, hugged, moaned and laughed. So many sensations all at once was bound to make anyone have such a deep sleep that they do not want to wake up the next day. A wonderful feeling. It would be temporary before her other dreams settle in again but Belle was not going to let them get to her this morning. She wanted to relish in this new, momentary peace.
Jungkook began stirring more, light hum under his breath until he finally opened his eyes to a calming sight. Tired vision still a little blurred but he could always make out her face. “Sleep well?” His voice grumbled despite the smile creeping on his lips.
Belle turned to meet his gaze, mimicking his gentle smile. “Really well.” The curl slowly disappeared from her lips as reality seeped through their comfort. “We can’t see each other anymore. You know that, right?”
He nodded although solemnly. “I know.” Whatever red string they forced themselves to tie around their pinky finger had to separate one day. Even when reluctance settled in. “Like you said, love shouldn’t be as difficult as ours was.” Jungkook shifted so he lay down his back, one arm curled so he could rest his head on top of it.
“I don’t have to leave now though.”
“What, you want more?” Jungkook licked the inside of his cheek as a smirk formed, one of his hands reaching out to gently touch her lower belly.
Belle pushed his hand away with a chuckle. “No…I meant something else.” She pulled the sheets up to cover herself a little, goosebumps forming on her skin when the room brushed a little cold. “Ice-cream. We could get ice-cream.”
A jolt of nostalgia burst through him as he remembered the last time that request was passed between them. Despite expecting a child back then, Jungkook preferred this more knowing Belle was sitting here by her own volition. That was what mattered most. “Yeah…we can get ice-cream.”
-
Tiny slab of pink and mint down the food line of the city. Belle somehow managed to make his black T-shirt and her sweatpants look strangely put together while he buried himself in his hoodie. They walked inside the cute parlor immediately greeted by a kind boy at the counter.
Making their orders, the couple took their ice-cream cups to a booth at the corner.
Thankfully the parlor was empty since no one bought ice-cream this early in the morning so it would be difficult for them to be spotted.
Journalists eventually grew bored of doing stories on Jungkook and Belle’s ‘tragic love story’ but she knew the moment, a single person saw them, it would be chaos.
“Did you have any trouble these few years?” Jungkook asked feeling a sense of joy in his mouth as the sweet taste touched his tongue.
Belle shrugged lightly. “Apparently there was a hired hitman for a while but he was quickly detained. Then a stalker which lasted for a few months.”
“What did he want?”
“Namjoon found out he was a spy for a gang called Pogpungu Pa.”
“Fucking tongue twister.” Jungkook scoffed. “They wanted a large percentage of my cocaine supplies in exchange for prostitutes.” He waved his spoon. “Told him I didn’t work in that line of business so the Don got pissed.”
“Well he’s also detained. Namjoon’s been very quick in dealing with them. Probably happy to be out on the field again with Yoongi still at his desk.” Belle suckled the remnants of brownie bits from her spoon.
“Why is he at his desk?” His brows furrowed.
“Standard procedure, I guess. Every detective is meant to have a few months of therapy and leave from field work. But I’m pretty sure it’s a new thing that the mayor advised.”
“They’ve been doing a lot of things.”
“A lot of good things.” Belle corrected, narrowing her gaze even though her expression was not completely serious.
Jungkook smiled lightly picking up another small scoop of his ice-cream. “You’ve been doing a lot of good things. The Tokyo fashion week.”
Her eyes almost immediately lit up when the topic was mentioned and Jungkook couldn’t help but feel accomplished that he initiated it. “You knew about that?”
“Saw it in the newspaper. It looked good.”
Belle grinned from ear to ear, eyes shining in the bright lights of the parlor. “Angel helped me with the movement. She wanted to create a shelter for domestic violence victims like her. So I offered to promote it in the fashion shows.”
“Oh yeah Hoseok told me…Taehyung and Angel, they have a kid, right?”
“Yeah…” She giggled lightly. “A little baby daughter.”
“That’s good.” Jungkook nodded with a wide smile. “He’s all okay now?”
“Clean and sober for four years. He—relapsed another time but when they got married and then started trying for children, he never went back again.” Belle murmured still remembering the happiest look on Taehyung’s teary eyed face when he first held his baby. That was all she ever wanted for her brother. True happiness. “I kind have you to thank for that.”
He hummed in disapproval. “Don’t, please—the way I did it was wrong.”
“Yes but everything happens for a reason. I think if that didn’t happen…he might not be here at all.” Belle shook his head. “He also did technically meet Angel in the Sangria House. The only reason we even had her booked was because I met Seokjin at the party with you.”
Strange how time fools you in that way. It makes you feel regretful of the bad things that happened in the past except you could not possibly take them back because it would mean diminishing the good things along with it. Delicate and strange thing time was.
“I would’ve never been free from that place if you didn’t go behind my back.” Jungkook smiled down at the cup. “I’ll always be grateful for that.”
“Speaking of which…how is it like being a normal joe in the city?” Belle asked with a cheeky glint in her eye as she tapped her fingers against the ice-cream cup.
“Apparently you have to pay for grocery bags now.” He waved his spoon around.
“Yes for recycling and it’s been happening for a very long time.” She smiled.
His bottom lip jutted out in a little pout. “Not from what I remember.”
“Since when have you ever shopped for groceries?”
Jungkook scrunched his nose a little poking into the mint chocolate ice cream to pick out the chips. “Since yesterday.” He mumbled. “But I’m happy…” He nodded letting his words linger in their comfortable silence. “Or at least now I can do things that make me happy.”
“You could travel to Tokyo and Paris, eat ice-cream until your stomach aches…” Belle grinned. “You can get married to someone you love dearly and have lots of children. No more deals though.” She raised her index fingers as a warning.
Jungkook laughed. “No more deals, I promise.” He mixed around his melting ice-cream for a bit enjoying the little swirl. “What about you? What’re you going to do?”
“My therapist said I should take some time off from the boutique when I get the chance.” Belle quoted her therapist mostly but she never really thought about the prospect on her own until she discussed it with Yoongi. “Yoongi suggested we could go to Norway to disconnect for a little while.”
“Yoongi…wait, are you two—”
“No, silly. As friends.”
“Ah.”
“You think if I had a boyfriend like Yoongi, I’d sleep with you again?” Belle scoffed even though a smile tugged at her lips.
“Hey I’m pretty tempting.”
“Not that tempting.”
Jungkook scrunched his nose at her before chuckling as he practically slurped on his ice-cream at this point.
The couple sat in silence for a few moments finishing their breakfast desserts, unable to keep smiles off their faces.
“We go our separate ways now, yeah?” He spoke the truth this time. The satisfaction in his belly along with the warmth in his heart softly stating to him that it was time.
Belle smiled, a slight twinge in her chest but nothing compared to the relief brewing inside. A whisper in her ear telling her it was okay. It was okay to move on. “Yeah. No more looking back.”
Throwing their empty ice-cream cups away, the pair walked out of the parlor towards Belle’s car. Jungkook’s apartment was a few minutes’ walk away. She wanted to drive because it made it that little bit easier to go back home immediately. At this point, they both deserved one thing to be easy.
Belle gave him one final smile before climbing into the car and driving away.
Jungkook didn’t wait a second as he turned on his heel and walked back to his apartment.
This was the true final time they saw each other. They would not turn back. There was no need to anymore.
-
As soon as Jungkook walked into the room, it smelled a whole lot more different than it did the first time. The only smoke emitting was from the pan exuding a warm, delicious scent. Morning sun beaming through the windows making it look a tad bit brighter and the floors almost shone clean now.
“There you are!” Hoseok announced with a grin. “Did you go out for a jog?”
“Yeah…a little bit.” He answered absentmindedly.
A figure with short, black hair stood at the kitchen counter setting some bacon and eggs up on the plate. She looked up and immediately give him a similar bright smile as Hoseok.
“Ah—this is Rosyne.” Hoseok touched the womans’ shoulder. “Rosyne, Jungkook.” He gestured over to the younger male.
The two exchanged greetings before Hoseok invited him over to the kitchen counter to have breakfast. He wanted to tell them that his stomach was a little full from the ice-cream. But it felt so peaceful when he saw the giggles shared between them while eating, random conversations that no one really cared about but it made them smile.
Jungkook stayed still for a moment watching them so easily be vulnerable and happy around each other. “Hey, you guys want to go to Paris?” He sat down on one of the stools.
Rosyne’s eyes widened a little as the request lingered in the air while Hoseok looked amused but taken aback at the same time.
“Why the sudden interest?” Hoseok chuckled, sticking his fork into some scrambled eggs.
He shrugged. “Might be cool to disconnect for a little while.”
“Prison wasn’t disconnecting enough?”
Jungkook nudged his arm with a light scoff. “You know what I mean. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“I’ve—always wanted to see the Louvre in real life.” Rosyne raised her shoulders, giving Hoseok an adorable smile.
“Don’t spoil him, Ros.” Hoseok glanced at the both of them for a few moments before letting out a defeated sigh. “We’ll think about it.”
Jungkook did not argue any further after that and began taking careful bites of the breakfast even though it might give him a stomach ache later. The thought of something actually exciting happening this year or the next year made him happy enough to keep going on this new life.
-
Carefully padding into the apartment, Belle’s footsteps were soft and barely echoed across the walls but there was no use in being discreet. Especially since Yoongi, Taehyung, Namjoon and Angel were all in the sitting room. Bloom sat on the floor completely focused on banging her little drums that Namjoon gifted her on her first birthday.
Once Angel looked her way, everyone else followed suit. Yoongi was the first one to shoot up to his feet and stomp towards the woman.
“What took you so long?” Yoongis’ words sounded more like pleading than anger. “Are you hurt?” Eyes frantically examined her body until his gaze darkened as he stopped at her neck.
Belle hovered her hand over the patch of skin that definitely had a few purpling marks scattered but she kept a calm expression. “Everything’s fine, okay? Nothing happened.”
“No something happened.”
“Yoongi, fuck off.” Namjoon grabbed his shoulder and led him to the side. “Good to have you back in one piece, B.”
As the two men sat near the paneled windows muttering a few things to each other, Belle caught another figure coming towards her from the corner of her eye. She took a deep breath keeping her gaze on her brother.
Taehyung looked so much taller now. Loose emerald shirt with golden vectors as opposed to the old black hoodies, his eyes were a little darkened from exhaustion but this time it was to take care of his baby rather than an accidental bender. The serious expression on his face added more to the fact that Belle had her older brother back. He was sturdy in his appearance and confident in his stance. The look of a man who had gone through a tunnel of hell and found happiness at the end of the trail.
“How’d it go?” He asked.
“Pretty civil…” Belle nodded, playing with her fingers a little. “…considering the circumstances.”
Taehyung hummed in approval. “That’s good. And that?” He waved his index finger across his own bare neck while looking at hers. “Good or bad?”
“Good.” She smiled faintly. “Really good.”
He grimaced a little. “Gross.”
“Shut up.”
Taehyung could not seem to keep his serious expression as a light chuckle broke out of him, shifting on his spot to loosen up. “But—no more, right? We’re gonna try to get back up again? Start over?” He would be the last person to ever judge Belle for her impulses. What he did know is that the impulses were not meant to be a constant.
Belle did not hesitate to nod. “I uh—I wanted to go to Norway. With Yoongi…” She glanced over to the side seeing Yoongi give her a more apologetic look which the woman smiled in response. “And maybe you guys too? Get away from the city for a while.” She shrugged. “Might even give me inspiration on the new line.”
He thought on the idea for a moment but quickly had a wide grin on his lips. “Angel’s been talking about going on a holiday. We could talk about it over breakfast.”
“Let me just go freshen up.” Belle patted him on the shoulder before making her up the top level of the apartment to her bedroom.
Being the owner of a prestigious boutique came with its perks when she managed to get a big enough apartment for three people including safety for children. It was in the highly populated areas of the city which is meant to be the best area for the position they were in. With Angel’s first husband and Belle’s connection to the Jeon Cartel, the more witnesses around them, the better.
Walking into her bedroom, Belle had one thing in mind before going to shower as she opened her walk-in closet. On the top shelves a box had been hidden under some folded sheets. She reached out and pulled it towards her feeling the light trickle of dust flow through the air making her sneeze.
Sniffling a little she brought the brown box and sat down on the bed with it. Belle paused for a moment, a very light tinge of dread brushing through her but there was a strength that seemed to power through it. Taking a deep breath she clicked open the box. Two tiny yellow shoes on the right hand side causing her to let out a shaky sigh, smiling a little as a few tears filled her eyes.
Belle held the shoes gently, hugging them to her chest before placing them on her lap. Then her eyes moved from the bracelet to the piece of folded paper. The warmth in her belly soared again taking the letter, unfolding to reveal the heavy promise scratched across the surface. The promise that kept her up at night for this many years. How much words could impact a mind was both fascinating and terrifying.
No more though. It was time. Something her therapist said to her in one session Belle would never forget.
It’s never about one solid destination of healing. You will never know exactly when you were healed. All you can know is when you decide to start or keep healing. That is what’s important. After that, everything will flow by you…in the future, it will all seem like a dream. But you’ll feel so proud of yourself when you look back, Belle. Even more proud than I am of you now. You’ve done so well and I hope you’ll keep healing.
Belle placed her fingers at the top of the letter and ripped it half, letting out a deep of relief as she put them together, ripping it again. Smaller and smaller the pieces became breaking off like petals from the already withering flowers in her heart. A smile widened on her lips as she let out something in the mixture of a chuckle and a sob, tears freely leaving her eyes. Teeny tiny pieces piled on the bed. Helping to remind her that they were just words after all.
With steady hands she gathered them together and threw it into the bin under her nightstand.
Then Belle took the yellow shoes and walked to the living room.
The group were already settling around the kitchen counter when she arrived. Angel had Bloom in a high chair feeding her some custard looking mush which she seemed to enjoy though slightly confused by the taste.
Belle walked over to where the child was and gently placed the yellow shoes on her socked feet. She could not help but grin seeing how it fit perfectly. Everything happens for a reason.
“Those are beautiful.” Angel gently touched the soft fabric. “Did you make them?”
“I got them from the market years ago.” She softly brushed through Blooms’ thin dark hair as the child tried to peek at what her aunt put on her feet.
“We were just talking about the trip to Norway.” Taehyung spoke up leaning against the counter next to Angel.
“Yeah, why was I not invited?” Namjoon pouted a little.
Belle stammered, chuckling lightly. “It was Yoongi’s suggestion…we can all go together. I thought you wanted to do field work for the rest of the year.”
“Still would’ve liked to be included.”
Bloom squeaked in response to Namjoon’s mumble, bouncing up and down her seat.
“Might need a babysitter if Taehyung wants to get laid.” Yoongi mused.
“Ah, language.” Angel covered Blooms’ ears but the baby only grinned wide looking at Yoongi.
“She’s not going to know what it means.”
“Listen, we’ll go together.” Belle silenced the group for a moment. “Namjoon forgets to take breaks from work anyway so it’d be a good way to force him out somewhere relaxing.”
“Norway does have a low crime rate.” Taehyung spoke.
“So it’s settled. We’re going to Norway and forget about our problems for a month.” Angel announced glancing at each one of them for a nod of approval.
Belle grinned seeing the group dive into their conversations about what to do in Norway and what hotels to book or the sights to see. No worries of any impending problem or event that could ruin everything. It was just peace in the loudest way possible. All you can know is when you decide to start or keep healing. That is what’s important.
She broke for her family once.
Now she was going to keep healing for it too.
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cherryyharryy · 3 years
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i have an idea for a request (it’s totally ok if you don’t want to do it) like an angst-> fluff where one of harry’s songs accidentally gets leaked bc of y/n like she has something on a flash drive and the song is on another and they get mixed up and obviously he’s really mad at y/n and they have a fight he’s super snappy with her but something happens to her like she gets into a really big accidental or something and he forgives her bc he cares about her more tha the leaked song
WC: 2.7k
***
Damage control wasn’t even an option. 
Y/n sat there, staring at Harry’s laptop, numb to everything except the blaring desire to go back in time just two minutes. Two minutes is all she would need to undo possibly the biggest screwup of her life.
And the worst part is that this mistake ultimately doesn’t affect her. At least not in comparison to how it will affect Harry. And his band. And his team. Basically everyone involved with his career. 
Her mind is equally begging for her to shut down and come up with a plan—an excuse—something, Is there anyway this wasn’t my fault?  
She checks the time, her heart sinking to her stomach when she realizes Harry and his team will be back any minute. Any minute and she’s done for.
They’ve only been together for five months, officially. She’s still new to most everyone. She’s that girl Harry’s dating.
“I told you he played in that movie.” Jeff’s voice echoes outside the studio. Y/n closes the laptop and prays for strength. 
“I have him confused with someone else.” Harry bustles through the door, a small crowd of people filing in behind him, back to the spots they left an hour ago. “Hey darling,” he greets, “finish your paper?”
Y/n’s frozen, morbidly wishing he had found out about his song leaking on his own so she wouldn’t have to tell him. “Uh, almost.”
He kisses the top of her head and hands her a cup of frozen yogurt. “Your favorite.” 
“Thanks.” She sets it on the table she’s sat at while Harry pulls up a chair beside her. “Aren’t you guys still working?”
He waves in the direction of his band, “Mitch’s gotta fix his guitar.” He snickers, and slides his laptop out from under y/n’s hands. “Had a bit of an accident in the car.” 
Y/n’s head tingles with what must be nerve damage, her place in this world, her place in this room, decreasing in value as Harry opens his computer.
“It’s gonna melt.” He nods to her yogurt.
“I’m not hungry.”
He furrows his brow. “You alright?”
“Mhm.” She looks around the room, everyone busy getting back to work, light chatter passing among them. “Uh, actually, I uh, I have to tell you something.” Y/n tries to swallow the lump in her throat with no luck.
“Okay…” He shuts the laptop and gives her his full attention.
“Okay, um—”
“What the fuck!?” The room freezes as everyone turns toward Jeff. “Harry someone’s got a hold of your song!” 
Harry scrambles to his manager, complete shock on his face as they both stare down at Jeff’s phone. “Fuck.” They start to play a video, the sound of a girl screaming, with Harry’s unconsented voice playing in the background, fills the room. “How the hell did this happen?” He’s gritting through his teeth, neck red, veins bulging in his hands as he rips the phone out of Jeff’s hand. “HOW? Someone answer me!”
Y/N considers keeping quiet. Playing innocent. What good will it do to confess anyway? It’s not like it’ll undo what she’s done.
Sarah chimes in from across the room, “It looks like it happened half an hour ago. That’s when this video I’m looking at was posted.”
Y/n’s staring down at her lap, holding her head up with her fingers pressed into her temples when Harry slings himself back into the chair next to her.
“All that work, all that fucking work,” he nearly growls, “for some cunt to spread my unfinished song around for a buck.”
Y/n peers up to the room, a completely different picture compared to five minutes ago. Now there’s talk of lawyers and pressing charges while everyone shuffles around. Jeff slams the door as he steps out with his phone to his ear, and y/n knows she can’t claim denial, it’ll only make things worse.
“Uh, Harry?”
“What is it?” He doesn’t look at her, eyes glaring at his phone while another video plays of a group of people reacting to his song. “Glad they fucking like it.”
“Harry?”
“What, y/n?”
She shrinks under his gaze, mouth dry as she forces her confession out. “I uh, this is all my fault.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m so, so sorry. And I’ll do anything—I know I can’t fix it—but...”
Harry’s tongue presses against the inside of his cheek, his eyes narrowing in on her as a morbid silence forms a little bubble around them. “Go on,” he whispers with grit, “finish what you were gonna say.”
She stutters, desperately trying to figure him out. “I’m just sorry. It was an accident.”
“An accident? How did you even manage to do this?”
“I—”
“Do you have any idea what this accident means, y/n?”
She reluctantly shakes her head no.
“How the fuck did you do this?”
“I—I don’t know...I was taking a break from my paper, and, I don’t know Harry.” She’s in tears now, warm and salty as they spill down her cheeks. Her mouth wobbles around another apology, but no sounds make it out.
“Fix it.”
“What?”
He stands up, yanking his laptop off the table, pausing to glare at her one last time. “I said, to fix it.” With that he storms across the room, slinging the door open just as Jeff reenters.
“Harry, your attorney—”
“Forget it.” He turns around and points his phone towards y/n silently sobbing in the corner. “She’s gonna handle it.” He takes one step out into the hall and stops, spinning on his heels to face the studio. “Don’t speak to me until you do.”
Mitch’s guitar that was fixed and propped against the wall, crashes to the floor when Harry slams the door. 
Chatter passes around the room one more time, only now everyone seems to be in agreeance—that girl never should have been allowed in the studio, and maybe, Harry should break up with her.
***
Early morning rain fell outside Harry’s apartment. It was still dark, street lamps burning through the fog in the city below. His home fills with coffee as he pours his fifth cup; the prior four never offering more than a few sips before he had abandoned them somewhere, the counter, mantle, bookshelf, because he can’t talk without his hands.
Y/n sits on his couch. It’s velvet and pink and too big for one person. She hated it the first time he invited her over. If he breaks up with her, she’s going to tell him how ugly it is.
“I don’t know what you expect me to do.” She’s exhausted. She hadn’t hesitated to drive over when he finally responded to one of her hundreds of texts in the week since the mishap. But now she regrets it. They’ve been going in circles with the same argument for the past four hours. She’s convinced he invited her over just to be mean. She sighs, rubbing her temples. “I said I was sorry. You know that I’m sorry. And you know that I never, ever in a million years, would have done something like this on purpose.”
“I’m allowed to be angry with you. I have every right to be.”
“Do you, though?” She straightens up on his ugly couch and looks at him leaning against the doorframe that leads into the kitchen. “Aren’t you a little tired of hating me? God Harry, everyone else in the whole world has moved on except you.”
“It’s not everyone else’s song, is it? It’s not everyone else’s months and months of hard work. It’s not everyone else’s unfinished art? Nobody else is having to deal with a girlfriend that is so careless, so thoughtless, that she actually managed to leak my song!”
“Stop raising your voice at me!”
“You had no business snooping around my computer anyway! I told you you could work on your fucking paper, not to go prying around my personal shit!”
“You know what,” she scoffs, shooting up off the couch, “this argument is so pointless. You didn’t want me here so we could talk. You just wanted to torture me because you’re mad that people don’t love your stupid song.”
“What the fuck did you say?”
She brushes his shoulder as she passes by him, and a drip of his coffee spills onto his hand. He curses, and follows her into the kitchen where he lays his final cup down on the island.
“You’re being a baby because people aren’t fawning over you like they usually do.” She shrugs and slings her bag over her shoulder. “It’s not your best song, Harry.”
The veins in his neck strain against his flaming skin. His cheeks are sucked in, and if he bites down on the skin any harder he’ll puncture his face. “Get the fuck out.”
“I was already leaving, dumb ass.” She strides by him once more, practically feeling the heat steaming off his body. When she gets to the front door, she pauses with her hand on the knob. “Your couch is hideous, by the way. Just because you’re rich doesn’t mean you have to buy shitty looking stuff.”
When she slams the door behind her, the apartment shakes, and cold coffee spills from each cup.
***
It’s nearing five a.m. when y/n backs out of the complex. Her wipers race across the windshield, but do nothing against the downpour wreaking havoc in the city. She does her best to stay on what she assumes is her side of the road, swerving to the right each time headlights blind her.
“Shit.” Nothing is open, and she can’t even see where it would be safe to pull over to let the rain pass. But her home isn’t that far, and traffic isn’t too bad. 
She comes to a stop at a red light, only to realize she missed a left turn she should’ve made a minute ago. “Damn it. Fucking hell.”
As soon as the light turns green, she spins the wheel to make a U-turn, and if it hadn’t been for the rain, and her own clouded mind, and Harry’s voice echoing in her ears, she might have seen the truck who didn’t even try to avoid her.
***
It’s the headache from hell that wakes her up. And it’s the sterile smell of hospital that jogs her memory. And it’s a nurse not much older than y/n that says something about you’re lucky to be alive. 
She’s poked and prodded and asked a thousand questions before her IV is adjusted and a pill to ease one of the many pains scratching her body is handed to her in a small plastic cup. A police officer repeats half of this process, and somewhere in the mess of her reality, she learns that the other driver was sending a text to his wife when he plowed into her car. He’s at home and she’s here. Lucky to be alive.
She made calls to her mom and friends, and even managed to type out a decent email to her professors for her upcoming absence in class.
When she automatically pulled up Harry’s name on her phone, the last text he sent, the one inviting her over so he could make her more miserable than she already was, sat there in all its taunting glory.
What is she even supposed to say? Hey, I know you hate my existence right now, but I’m lying here in a hospital bed with bandages wrapped around my head. It’d be cool if you stopped by.
It’s not long before the sun pops up and reminds y/n of just how early it is. The clouds part, and it’s like it had never even rained, like it had never even been dark for hours, and if she closes her eyes, y/n can pretend that the past week hadn’t even happened.
***
 “How are you feeling today?” The nurse checks y/n’s IV, humming after her question.
“Just sore. Ready to get out of here.”
“We’ve started the paperwork, so shouldn’t be too long. Who’s coming to get you?”
Y/n blinks, feeling stupid she hadn’t thought this far ahead. She doesn’t even have a car anymore. The nurse looks over the computer monitor, waiting for a response.
“Uh, my friend.”
“Awesome. Dr. Kirby has to come check on you one last time before you leave. I’ll go see if he can stop by now, if you want to let your friend know.”
As soon as the nurse is out the door, y/n scrambles to turn her phone back on, and once it is, her lock screen is filled with missed calls and unanswered texts.
She’ll respond later; gives her something to do in the car to occupy her in front of Harry. 
She can’t call him. Harry’s not a monster, although the past week doesn’t exactly prove her case, but she knows he wouldn’t refuse to come get her. If anything, he’ll be annoyed she didn��t tell him about the accident sooner. But she’s too emotional to deal with hearing his voice.
She types out a text recounting her last 24 hours, along with the name of the hospital. He immediately reads it, and a moment later he’s trying to call.
To: Harry
I’m too tired to talk rn
She lies. And it works.
From: Harry
I’ll be there as fast as i can
***
“Baby?”
Y/n cracks her eyes open, irritated she never quite fell asleep. Confused as to why Harry’s calling her baby. Angry that she cares. And the next words out of his mouth are ones she’d been predicting.
“Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve dropped everything. You’ve been here all alone, shit. Are you okay? What hurts?”
He’s hovering over her, fidgeting, unsure if he can touch her.
“I’m fine now. Just sore. And tired.”
“Fuck I can’t believe this, I—”
“The doctor already said I can go. I’m not allowed to walk out on my own, so, you need to let the nurse know you’re here. She’ll take me down in a wheelchair.”
“Baby I’m so sorry-”
“No, Harry. You would still be busy hating my guts right now—”
“Hate you? I don’t hate you?”
“Well you did a great job this week making me feel otherwise.”
Harry sighs, gripping the bed frame and dropping his chin to his chest. When he looks back up he has tears brimming his eyes. “I’m sorry,” his voice cracks. “I know I’ve been an ass this week. I—you were right. I took out my anger from no one lovin’ the song on you.”
“Well it’s not no one. A lot of people did. And it’s unfinished anyway. You wouldn’t enjoy a meal if it was only cooked halfway.”
He nods, but y/n knows he’s only accepting her words because of the situation.
“You mean so much more to me than a leaked song. I’m sorry I treated you like shit. And that I—I made you think I hated you. You have every right to hate me.”
“You annoy the hell out of me, but I don’t hate you.”
His lips twitch, but a few tears slide down his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” She takes his hand off the rail and smoothes her thumb across his knuckles. “You can make it up to me by getting me out of here.”
“I can do that.” He kisses the top of her head and hits the remote to call for the nurse.
“You can really kiss me, y’know. I’m not gonna break.”
He’s hesitant, but slowly lowers his head to press his lips to hers. He’s timid, and his lips are still damp from tears, but it’s more relieving than either of them would ever admit.
The nurse ends their moment when she pops in the room, pushing a wheelchair in front of her. “Hi, you must be y/n’s friend.”
“Friend?” He peers down at y/n, suggestion lacing the word. “Care to explain?”
“Not really, I’m so tired.”
“Mhm.” He clicks his tongue, supporting her arm as she swings her legs off the bed. Once she’s standing and steady, he tucks her hair behind her ear and bends down so his mouth can graze her lobe. “Since we’re just friends, I guess you’ll have to sleep on my ugly couch.”
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ncssian · 3 years
Text
A Favor: Part Twelve
Nessian Modern AU
Masterlist
a/n: this took so long bc ive been reading chain of iron and in general agonizing over things i cant control instead of being productive 🥴 that being said, absolutely none of the events in this chapter were planned in my outline, but here we are with something new!
***
December brings more snow and bone chilling weather, to the point where Cassian has to drag Nesta out of bed, either physically or by phone call, to get her to therapy appointments on time. 
She’s in the waiting room one freezing morning when, in her utter boredom, she musters up the nerve to turn to the girl sitting next to her. “What are you in here for?”
The girl blinks her large blue eyes, taking notice of Nesta for the first time. Nesta uses the opportunity to take in her freckle-painted face, a little wan but beautiful. Reddish brown hair hangs around her face and shoulders, creating a thick curtain from the rest of the world, and Nesta’s curiosity piques like she’s just found a shiny new toy.
It probably isn’t right to compare people to toys, but then the girl says, “This isn’t prison, you know.” Her voice is deep, almost sultry— completely at odds from her huddled-in posture and sickened expression. “I didn’t commit a crime to have to be here.”
Is she insulted by Nesta’s question, or is she poking a joke? Nesta decides to play it safe by murmuring, “Sorry, never mind.”
She starts to turn away when the girl says, “We’re trying a new type of trauma therapy today. I had to get here half an hour early because I couldn’t swallow my nerves.”
Nesta might lack many social skills, but she isn’t stupid enough to ask what kind of trauma the girl is being treated for. Instead, she nods casually as if she understands the struggle. “I’ve been coming here for weeks now and I’ve barely discussed shit. That’s mostly on me, but you know…” She actually doesn’t know where she’s going with her train of thought. “It sounds brave to do whatever you're doing,” she states finally. “I don’t think I’ll be able to open up that much about myself, ever.” 
The girl gives Nesta a weird look that she immediately recognizes. Nesta uses it every time she doesn’t know how to respond to someone who takes her by surprise.
The door to Lana’s office clicks open, and the woman herself pokes her head out with a plain smile. “Ready, Nesta?”
Nesta bites down on her frown. She has a feeling today won’t be as easy as her past sessions.
She’s about to leave without another glance at the girl beside her when that low voice speaks up. “I’m Gwyn.”
Nesta looks back at her as she gets up from her chair, and says the first reply that comes to mind: “Good to know.”
***
Nesta is contemplative hours after she gets back from her therapy session, bundled up in her bed with a coloring book. The repetitive motion of filling in the mandala drawing lets her mind wander, picking up and dropping different thoughts like she’s inspecting stones. 
She keeps her wrist light as she colors in with red. She finally said Tomas’s name in therapy today, though the action left a slimy feeling in Nesta’s stomach that lingers even now. She also spoke about her sisters, which somehow ended up leading to a discussion of her uterus. 
“How have you been dealing with the endometriosis news?”
Nesta shrugged. “I’m getting treated, and my last period was more bearable than usual—”
“I mean mentally, how are you doing? With how your condition could affect your future?”
Nesta narrowed her eyes. “Affect me how?”
“Have you never considered the impact it could have on your ability to bear children?”
“Not everything in life is about bearing children, you know.”
“We’re humans. It’s definitely something to consider.”
“Not for me. I’ve never wanted kids.” A mistruth at best. “I don’t care what endo does or doesn’t do to me on those grounds.”
In a way, Nesta told herself, the health risks were actually for the best. If she ever did, by some stupid loss of sanity, try to have children, then her body would act as a safety net from her decisions.
Lana only said, “You’ll never know how much you care or don’t care until you talk out your feelings.”
“Then I guess we’ll never know.”
Nesta lets the memory of that conversation drop like a stone on a shore. That’s not something she has to face for a good long while. No, right now she has to face her past. 
Her sisters, and her ex, and even her father— 
I wonder if I came off too strong with Gwyn today. 
Her hand stops drawing, and she switches out her red marker for an orange one. This thought she doesn’t mind inspecting for a little longer: she and Gwyn ended up leaving their sessions at the same time, which meant they were forced into stilted conversation on the way down to the parking lot. 
Not forced, Nesta self-corrects. She willingly initiated a conversation, and it didn’t go terribly. She wonders if making friends in therapy waiting rooms is a real thing.
Her phone vibrates beside her, breaking her hours-long mental bubble. Blinking dazedly, she answers the phone call.
“How are you?” is the first thing Cassian says to her. He makes sure to ask her that at least twice a day, like a gauging of her temperature. It makes Nesta wonder what she’s ever done in her life to call for such… attention to her well-being. 
“I’m good,” she answers honestly. “My head’s a little loud right now, but I don’t mind it.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“No, I’d rather hear you talk.” She slumps back against her pillows, coloring book forgotten. “What’s up?”
“Ah...” Cassian sounds hesitant for the first time since their relationship started. “It’s just that I haven’t gotten my Christmas decorations up yet, and I was going to ask if you wanted to help.”
Nesta takes a moment to absorb his words. “It’s December fifth,” she says.
“Yeah?”
“You just seem like somebody who does their decorations the day after Thanksgiving.”
“Well, this year is a little different, with you moving out and being busy with school…” He pauses. “I was waiting to do it with you.”
When she doesn’t reply, Cassian adds, “I don’t even know if you care about Christmas. I know you and your family sort of ignored holidays. It’s fine if you don’t want to—”
“I’ll be over right now,” Nesta blurts. 
Half an hour later, Cassian swings open his door with a smug grin on his face; a vast difference from the stammering hesitance he displayed over the phone earlier. Nesta’s own lips want to pull up into a smile just at the sight of him, but she holds back and narrows her eyes instead. “What’s got you so worked up?” she questions as she steps into the warmth of the cabin and out of the freezing cold.
“The way you ran over here as soon as I asked.” He looks her up and down, still amused. “You didn’t even bother to change, did you?”
It’s true: she’s in the same sweatpants and long sleeved tee she wore around home, and her socked feet are shoved into slippers. 
“Get that smirk off your face.” Nesta flicks his nose before tossing her coat off. “If this is a competition about who’s got a bigger puppy-crush for whom, you already won when you delayed putting up your Christmas decorations for me.”
“Fair enough,” he grins. The words send an unexpected pang through Nesta, because it’s partly true, isn’t it? He cares more openly for her than she does for him. 
She looks away in guilt, not knowing how to fix the imbalance. Her eyes land on the living room coffee table, where their half-finished jigsaw puzzle sits. It’s been stored under the couch for the past few weeks, forgotten by Nesta and Cassian alike as they moved on with their lives, but now it’s sitting out again.
“Have you been working on the puzzle without me?” She raises an inquisitive brow, about to feel— hurt.
“Never,” Cassian promises, saving her from that irrational hurt. “I just brought it out because I figured we should get to finishing it one day.”
She pads over to the table, picking up a puzzle piece and turning it over in her hand. “I don’t know if you remember, but we had a terrible time working on this,” she scoffs lightly.
“Oh, I remember,” he says, coming up behind her and stealing the piece from her grasp. “I think it’s safe to say those evenings were the worst fights we’ll ever have together.”
Nesta leans back against Cassian’s chest and hums. “It made us a stronger couple, don’t you think?” She turns her head up and back to meet Cassian’s eyes, finding that he’s already looking down at her.
Hypnotized, she leans into his warmth. She only manages to land the smallest kiss against his lips when his hand squeezes her ass cheek. “You’re here for a job, remember?” He taps her butt before pulling away, gesturing to the Christmas tree in the corner of the living area with his chin. It stands bare. “You do tinsel, I’ll do lights.”
Tinsel is harder to work with than Nesta remembers. She only manages to get half the tree done before plopping onto the Persian rug, exhausted and covered in silvery material. She doesn’t mind laying there while Cassian continues working; it’s her revenge for when he napped on her bed while she moved in.
“You know the stair railings still need to be wreathed, Archeron.”
Nesta declines to respond, tilting her head on the carpet for a better view of her boyfriend’s ass instead. “All this decorating,” she starts. “Is it just for you?”
Cassian turns to her, surprised. “Well…”
She pushes up onto her elbows, catching her mistake. “Are we doing Christmas together? Or are your friends coming over?” She hasn’t bothered to celebrate Christmas in years now, and she doesn’t care much what Cassian’s plans are either way.
“I was hoping for both?” He sounds hesitant. “Christmas Eve is all the way over in Velaris, but I was thinking we could go together, open some presents, and come back and spend Christmas here.”
Nesta purses her lips. She doesn’t actually hate that plan. Both Feyre and Elain have been pestering her with the annual texts asking her to visit for Christmas, and for once, she feels like responding to them. The invitation is more of a formality than an actual request at this point; she doubts her sisters want her there after years of rejections, but… what’s the harm?
“Is that a yes?” Cassian asks at her unreadable face.
“Yes,” she states unflinchingly. She refuses to overthink the possible consequences of this choice and chooses to focus on the broad grin overtaking Cassian’s face. “Really?” he says.
“But there has to be rules.” Nesta sits up fully now. “No one can know we’re together, no matter how much you trust or love them.”
“We already agreed to that, baby.”
Yes, but Nesta knows the secret weighs on him heavier than he shows— even if he agrees with her that it's for the best. “It’ll be different when we’re together in the same room as everyone else,” she says. Cassian wears his beating heart on his sleeve, and she doesn’t think he’s ever had to hide it before.
“You’ll also be different,” she adds. “It’s a huge change of pace.”
Cassian drops the remaining strand of lights and smiles confusedly down at her. “What do you mean, I’ll be different?” He sits across from her, before the blazing fire. 
“You know how you get around your friends.” Nesta shrugs without a thought. “Like your personality readjusts to mirror the people around you. I used to find it a mix of sad and adorable, like a neglected puppy desperate for love, but now I— okay, I still feel the same way.” She waves a hand in a dismissive gesture.
By the look on Cassian’s face, he does not find her words so easily dismissed. 
Coldness curdles in the pit of Nesta’s stomach, the realization that she’s said something wrong. She can’t fix it until she knows where she fucked up, though.
“Is that what you think of me?” Cassian finally says lowly. His usually expressive mouth is drawn tight and narrow. 
“Um… What would you rather I think of you?”
His eyes widen in disbelief. “Seriously, Nesta?”
Nesta’s back stiffens, refusing to cower. “I only described what I’ve observed in the past.”
“And what you observed was a desperate puppy?” His voice is cold in a way she’s never heard before.
Okay, she’s starting to see how that might be offensive. She forges onward, “Tell me what you think about yourself in the presence of your family, then.” It’s a private victory that she says family instead of clown circus. But she’s not trying to turn this into a fight.
Cassian is silent, but his stare continues to rage at her.
“Tell me,” Nesta repeats.
His hands curl into fists on the rug. “I think I’m empathetic, easy to talk to, and easier to be around. Is it a problem if I’m likable?” Unlike you are the unsaid words.
Nesta inspects the space between them like it’s a chessboard. “And what part of yourself are you giving up to be so likable, Cassian?” she says quietly.
“Nothing.”
Nesta disagrees, if only because she’s been watching him out of the corner of her eye for years. “I think you base your personality off of those you love, and you lose a little bit of your true self every time you put others’ needs before your own.” 
She shuts her mouth, not having expected such honesty to come out of it. Cassian is taken aback, too, she can tell.
“And I guess it’s natural that you’d see all of that as a bad thing, considering your history of being closed off and self-serving to a fault,” he fires back with the flatness Nesta utilizes so often.
One for one. Fair enough. “We’re both right then,” Nesta says. “You work for your best friend because you have no ambition beyond serving your family, and I have no such family because I can’t bring myself to care about those things. Are we even now?”
Cassian furrows his brows, those defensive walls melting away as he realizes she’s completely serious. “What? No, Nes—” He shakes his head. “Okay, so maybe you’re right about me. Maybe I agree with you a little bit, but… If we see flaws in each other, then we should be working to overcome them instead of weaponizing them.”
Now Nesta’s the one shaking her head, quickly lifting a hand to stop him. “Relax there, sweetheart. I have no expectations from you or myself to go on some self-improvement journey now that we’re together. Talking about my feelings with a professional every week is hard enough.” Yes, agreeing to go to Feyre’s Christmas party is improvement. Slow, barely there improvement, but enough to wear her out for the rest of the month. For Nesta to fully let people into her life, to treat them as lovingly as she treats Cassian— that’s a long way away. She can’t envision it, doesn’t even know if she wants it.
Cassian must understand some of what she’s thinking, because he nods and backs off. He gets back up and returns to stringing lights, tossing a handful of tinsel at Nesta as if to say Get back to work. 
She stands and obeys, thinking their not-argument is officially over when Cassian says, “You’re wrong about one thing.”
She looks up from where she threads tinsel through fir leaves. He doesn’t take his eyes off his work as he says, “You do have a family. And deep, deep down, you care about them as much as I care about mine.”
***
Nesta catches Emerie’s eye as the dark-haired beauty walks into the pub. Raising a hand and waving, she gestures Emerie over to the booth she’s sitting in. 
“Look what I found,” Nesta says with a hint of pride, pointing to the redhead sitting beside her. “A third girl for girl’s night!”
“I was kidnapped,” Gwyn speaks up. “Jumped on the way to my car.” She’s out of her usual hoodie and in a tight-fitting blouse, looking stunning even while seeming out of place in the dim bar.
“She came here consensually,” Nesta retorts. “Emerie, this is Gwyn. We met at therapy.”
Gwyn offers Emerie an awkward smile.
Emerie slides into the booth across from them with raised brows. She looks between Nesta and the new girl and back again. “You invited her here? All by yourself?” she asks.
Nesta nods firmly.
Emerie breaks into a wide grin and reaches over the table to grab Nesta’s hand. “I’m so proud of you!” If Emerie were anyone else, she’d be squealing in excitement, but Emerie does not squeal.
Nesta waves off her friend’s praise, though a part of her wants to beam at it, too.
Gwyn glances between the two of them with slight amusement. “I mean, it’s not that impressive,” she says. “She came on a bit too strong, probably a five out of ten on the asking-someone-out scale.”
“‘A bit too strong’ is all you’re gonna get with Nesta,” Emerie says, lifting her hand to order drinks. “She’s all-or-nothing, and most people would pray she doesn’t give them her nothing.”
Nesta doesn’t know if that’s a compliment, but she supposes there are worse things that could be said about her.
“So, Gwyn, what do you do?” Emerie leans forward. “All our friends are law students and it’s starting to get boring.”
Gwyn goes off about her librarian job as Nesta orders their drinks, and Emerie rests her chin in her hand and listens eagerly. Christmas music plays softly in the background and snow flurries gently outside. Nesta thinks she can’t be doing that bad in life, if she’s managed to carve out this little slice of happiness for herself.
***
a/n: i promise shit actually happens next chapter! we're getting christmas with nessian and the ic in the same room for the first time
taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson
191 notes · View notes
jynrso · 2 years
Text
but it scares me (don't look at me that way)
“I don’t get it,” he says sharply, causing her head to jerk up at his tone. “We haven’t talked in weeks, Jyn. I don’t know why you’re here, pretending to give a shit about me – “
“Don’t,” she snarls out, cutting him off. “Don’t you think for one second that I didn’t – that I don’t care.”
read it on ao3!
It’s the sound of beeping that wakes Cassian up, slicing through the peaceful darkness and shoving him into wakefulness. His head aches , a sharp staccato beating at his left temple. Groaning, he blinks away the crust that had formed on his eyelids while he’d slept, the medbay blearily coming into view after a few seconds. 
Though he recognizes Hoth’s medical wing, he still takes stock of his surroundings, just in case. White walls, curtains sectioning off his bed from the rest of the room, heavy blankets pulled up over his legs to keep him warm. There’s an IV sticking out of the back of his hand attached to a stand at his left. Injury-wise, he suspects that he has a concussion – the pain in his skull, the gaps in his memory, and the dimmed lighting would explain that. And to his right…
To his right, Jyn rests slumped over in a chair, looking uncomfortable as she dozes. 
To be honest, he’s surprised to see her. While they’d been close after Scarif (codependent, some called it – not like he minded), she’s been drifting away from him these past few weeks. He doesn’t understand why and doesn’t have an explanation for her sudden frosty behavior. 
He may be a lot of things, but he’s not an idiot. Out of all of their friends, she’s only been avoiding him. They used to sit together at meals every day, but now she takes her food elsewhere. They used to spar together, but now she prefers to take her frustration out on a punching bag. He knows the problem must be with him, but he doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve it. 
Eventually, he’d stopped trying. It hurt too much to continue chasing after a person who wanted nothing to do with him. 
(It still hurts. It hasn’t stopped. Whenever he sees her now, it feels as if his chest is caving in. She has so much of an influence on him, but it’s clear he means nothing to her.) 
Cassian shifts, turning his head slightly to squint at her through the darkness. She looks – well, to him, she always looks good – but she doesn’t look healthy. There are dark circles underneath her eyes that he can see even from a good number of feet away, and her posture looks defeated, broken. Never has he seen her looking like that, not even after the Council had told her they wouldn’t be sending troops to Scarif. 
“Jyn?” he rasps, throat sore from lack of hydration. “Jyn.” 
She startles awake, almost falling out of her chair. One hand unconsciously reaches for her blaster on her thigh holster before she realizes where she is. Immediately, the tension releases from her body as she relaxes. 
(Once, she’d told him that she feels safe with him. He wonders if that still applies.)  
“Cassian,” she replies, pushing her hair back over her shoulder. She leans forward but doesn’t come to him. “You’re awake. How are you feeling?” 
“Fine,” he answers reflexively, but at her unimpressed look, he adds, “Sore. My head hurts.” 
“I bet.” 
His tongue darts out to wet his cracked lips. She doesn’t offer him any other information, but he doesn’t need it. What happened on the mission is already starting to trickle back. He’d been hit in the temple with the butt of a blaster and Kay had dragged him back to the ship. He doesn’t remember much after that, but it’s easy to fill in the blanks with assumptions. 
What he doesn’t remember is Jyn. She hadn’t been on the mission, so why is she here now? 
He turns back to her, only to find that she’s staring at him with an intense gaze. What does she want from him? Surely visiting him here had just been out of guilt, to make sure that he isn’t going to die. Even though he hasn’t seen much of her lately, he could never say she doesn’t care. 
He sighs and says the inevitable. “I’m fine, Jyn. You can go now – I’ll be okay.” 
Jyn blinks. “Do you want me to go?” 
“Well, no, but I – “ 
“Then I won’t go.” 
Cassian makes a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, wishing that he could sit up and look at her properly. Whatever she’s doing is only going to hurt him more – if she stays and leaves him again right after – and for his own sake, he’d rather she doesn’t. 
“I don’t get it,” he says sharply, causing her head to jerk up at his tone. “We haven’t talked in weeks, Jyn. I don’t know why you’re here, pretending to give a shit about me – “ 
“Don’t,” she snarls out, cutting him off. “Don’t you think for one second that I didn’t – that I don’t care.”
Her intensity leaves him reeling. He has been thinking that – she hasn’t given him a reason not to. 
“What did I do?” he asks desperately, not sure how else to respond to what she’s presented him with. “If you tell me, then I can fix this.” 
I miss you, is what goes unsaid. 
“What have you – you haven’t done anything , Cassian. It’s me.” 
That, for some reason, makes him angry. All this time, he’s been wallowing in his own sadness trying to figure out what he’s done wrong and she can’t even give him a proper answer? It’s not you, it’s me? Stars. 
“So you’ve been taking out on me, then? Is that it?” 
“I was scared!” she nearly shouts, standing up from her chair and sending it clattering backward. Her chest heaves with each breath she takes. “I was kriffing scared , okay? So I couldn’t…” 
One look at her tells him he won’t be getting any more answers from her. She looks wild, looks like there’s a storm trapped beneath her skin. Instead of asking why she’s scared (he has his suspicions), he scoots all the way over on his bed and opens his right arm in a silent invitation. 
For a second, he thinks she’s not going to accept it, but she does. Gingerly, Jyn curls up on the bed next to him, shoving her face between his shoulder and neck, taking deep and shuddering breaths. 
Having her so close with fresh injuries probably isn’t the best idea, but he doesn’t care about the pain. He buries his nose in her hair, inhaling her scent. “I missed you,” he whispers, not expecting a reply but feeling one breathed out over his collarbone. It doesn’t need to be said; he understands.
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koshicoast · 3 years
Text
A few shinkami headcannons because I love them more than anything
Shinsou has a growth spurt and practically towers over Denki by their second year (for all intents and purposes, Shinsou has always been in class 1A)
Denki grows a little bit but not that much, he’s not complaining though, he gets Shinsou to grab stuff on the top shelve for him or has him hang up posters in higher places in his room (the only downside is that he has to get on his tippy toes for kisses but usually Shinsou will just bend down like a good boyfriend)
They go on dates every Sunday, It’s their day and it doesn’t matter what they’re doing as long as it’s just the two of them
They could be studying or doing homework or exercising or anything really and they’ll call it a date
The rest of the class knows better than to try and contact either boy on Sunday
“Normies worship Jesus on Sunday but I worship Shinsou” - Denki, at one point in time
Shinsou loves playing with denki’s hair, he buys different kinds of hair clips just to put them in denki’s hair
he just likes how the colors pop out
He especially likes to see purple hair clips in denki’s hair
Tbh it doesn’t have to be hair clips, it could be a scrunchie or a rubber band or a headband; as long as it’s purple it does wonders to shinsou’s heart
Denki likes playing with shinsou’s hair too but more than that he likes seeing Shinsou in yellow clothing
Shinsou doesn’t wear bright colors a lot usually sticking with black or cool tone colors
But when he does wear yellow, Denki just gets all mushy no matter how small it is
It could be yellow earrings or socks or something and Denki will wear a love sick expression all day
Despite being in the hero course, Shinsou still gets incredibly insecure about his quirk and how some people only see him as a villain
Denki, without fail or hesitation, tells Shinsou what a great hero he’s gonna be, he talks about how Shinsou is gonna inspire a new wave of underground heroes and how he’s gonna be some kid’s Aizawa one day and how proud he is of him (The first time he said that, it makes Shinsou sob. It makes denki cry too bc he’s a sympathetic crier so they just lay in bed holding eachother)
He also tells Shinsou how no matter who’s the number one hero, Shinsou will always have first place in his heart. And that Shinsou is just as much as any other hero out there and even a little more because he’ll be underground
Denki just loves his boyfriend so much and whoever planted the idea that some quirks are just made for evil is going to get electrocuted >:(
Denki will also pepper Shinsou in kisses saying things like ‘you are so kind’ ‘you’re an amazing person’ ‘I love you so much’ ‘You’re my hero’ and just a bunch of stuff so by the end of their heart to heart Shinsou is feeling a lot better
Denki gets insecure about how ‘dumb’ he is and how he’ll probably just end up hurting civilians or himself before he hurts a villain
Shinsou hates how that’s how Denki views himself because Denki is one of the kindest people in the world and doesn’t even realize it like the first time Denki told him that insecurity, Shinsou looked at him and was like ‘are you..you’re serious? Denks, You’re one of the most clever people I know’
Whenever Denki mentions it, Shinsou he just squeezes the blonde and lets him cry out his frustrations before telling him that ‘he’s not an idiot or stupid and that it’s okay not to understand something as fast as others and that it’s okay to learn differently and it’s okay’ (Shinsou will always try not to cry but a few tears fall anyways bc he just wants denks to be happy without feeling like he’s a fuckup)
Shinsou never lets Denki call himself an idiot or stupid, even in a joking way.
They don’t fight a lot because of their personalities like
Denki is a people’s person and is really in tune with other’s emotions and by default is a pacifist unless otherwise
Shinsou isn’t a people’s person but he’s observant due to his quirk bc of how he’s been treated in the past, he’s also good at picking up on people’s body language
Most times it’s just small disagreements and even then they communicate the best they can and try to compromise
If that doesn’t work then they’ll give each other space so the disagreement won’t turn into something ugly
They’ve only fought once and it was the worst (and best) thing for them
The fight happened after a mock rescue mission goes wrong and there were weeks of stress and tension leading up to it
It was messy and bad like really bad
“I just don’t get why you have to run into danger!” Denki screamed. The whole dorm could probably hear them but he didn’t care, not when his boyfriend was looking at him like he just lost his mind.
It was supposed to be a simple training exercise. Simple. Go in, defeat villains, rescue the ‘hostages’. It was not that simple.
*insert how badly the mission went and Shinsou ran towards the danger to help or smth idk*
It gets pretty rough between the two of them because they’re both pretty emotional people
Shinsou thinks denki doesn’t want him to be a hero and denki thinks Shinsou doesn’t want to be with him
It’s a lot of insecurities + stress + yelling
Denki is the first one to break, he’s a lot more emotionally sensitive than Toshi and everything is just crashing down and he hates it
“Do you just not want to be with me?!” He cries, unable to keep the tears at bay any more. He hates arguing with people, especially when that person happens to be his boyfriend. He gets it, he does! Toshi is training to become a hero and so is he but that doesn’t make it easier. Doesnt stop the shot of fear whenever he watches the other get hurt, doesn’t stop the late night self deprecation, doesn’t stop the anxiety he gets whenever he sees Toshi run head first into danger.
But he gets it and somehow it’s a bitter realization.
Because Hitoshi’s priority is the job they signed up for and Denki’s is Hitoshi.
The fight ends with tears on both their parts and they call it a night, too tired to scream anymore
They sleep in their own rooms that night
The next morning they agree to take a break, not a full break up, but some time away. Space away from each other to prioritize and think.
(Now ive seen fanfics where everyone picks denki over Shinsou and i hate that so fuck you, class 1A are both their friends and they’re all family and try and to help each other I will die with that statement)
Surprisingly the two most helpful people are Bakugou and Kirishima
(Actually not that surprising, they’re the longest couple in the whole class, dating immediately after Kamino)
Bakugou and denki have a heart to heart
“You’re both dumbasses” Katsuki sighs heavy, passing another tissue over to the sobbing blonde. He’s not good at these kinds of things, but Kirishima told him he could help the electric blonde more than he could so here he is. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong or just cry?” He asks, not without a hint of worry though. He pretends to ignore it.
So denki tells him everything and his insecurities
Oh. Yeah, Kirishima was right.
“You think I’m an idiot” Denki mutters quietly, harshly rubbing his eyes.
“No” The older blonde shakes his head, plopping down on the bed next to the other. He doesn’t turn to meet yellow eyes, his own trained on the All Might poster hanging directly across from them. He feels Pikachu’s curious gaze on him so he decides to elaborate more, knowing the sooner he helps the sooner he doesn’t have to deal with this anymore. It’s totally not because he’s gotten soft. Absolutely not.
“Trust me, Zombie Eyes looks at you like you put the fucking stars in the sky. It’s disgusting to watch.” He crinkles his nose in disgust earning a small laugh. “People like him and I, we gotta work twice as hard. Not saying that no one else does but it’s different.” He stresses the last word. “People like Ei or Deku or even you, people already see you as good so all you gotta do is get stronger. They don’t question your character, your morals, they don’t look down on you for having a weakness. People like Zombie Eyes and I though?we gotta work hard just to prove that we’re good. That we were meant to become heroes. Every action we do is put under a microscope and analyzed.” He explains.
“We’re assholes by default, It’s how we were raised. Not saying it as an excuse though. He was in the shitty system and I had shitty parents, no adult taught us shit like love or how to properly deal with feelings.”
Stupid Deku tried with him but he didn’t even know how to deal with his own much less some angry blond kid’s.
He takes a deep breath, pushing back faint memories of his childhood. The younger hasn’t said a word but he can tell he’s listening so it’s fine. “We can’t just turn off how we are. If it’s frustrating for you and Ei, It’s worse for us. Like we know logically that we’re good people, that we changed but that’s now how our brain sees it. We push ourselves because that’s all we know how to do, it proves to us and everyone else that we bled for our spot here. That we made it. Having friends is hard because we compare ourselves to them and draw our own conclusions to their actions. Being nice? Our brain says it’s a trap. Showing some human fucking decency? Our shitty brain says it’s an act. Being in a relationship? Laughable. We’re just villains pretending to play heroes to everyone else.”
He takes another deep breath, forcing himself to look away from the poster, flashbacks to their first year briefly passing in his head. Okay yeah, not going down that route. He looks over, making eye contact. He wonders if this is how Kirishima feels whenever he’s trying to cheer him up. Wonders if it’s just as hard. This better be worth it, everyone has been miserable. (Shitty thing about having been through life and death situations together is that everyone has bonded and become close like a family so when one of them is sad it’s like everyone is fucking sad.) (He loathes it because even he gets worried.)
“But despite that he still loves you.” He says softly, almost whispering like he’s telling the other a secret. “Fights his demons to hold your hand and all that shit”
Shinsou loves him? Loves him?
“How do you.. how do you know?” Denki whispers, throat sore. “We fought so badly last night, we were screaming at eachother.”
“He treats you the same way I treat Ei.” He answers,
“He changed his priorities around to try and accommodate for another person in his life, you became more important than training or studying. He takes days off to be with you, cuts his studying short if you need a break. It might not seem much to others but for him that’s huge. He came in with this one track mind but then you came along and he scrambled to balance everything. And then you two got your shit together and started to go out and I’m pretty sure he got scared”
“Scared?” Denki asks, the thought almost funny to him.
“I did.” Bakugou admits as Denki’s eyes grow wide.
“I was petrified. When Ei started to become more important than hero work, I freaked. It’s not that loverboy is choosing being a hero over you, It’s because he doesn’t understand that he can have both. He thinks everything important is a choice- that if you want something you have to give something up. He chooses hero work and he loses you. He chooses you and he loses hero work.”
“But he’s not going to lose me or hero work”
“Kinda sounded like you did give him an ultimatum though”
The realization hits him like cold water.
Shinsou gets a similar talk with Kirishima
It helps, a lot
They don’t immediately go back to eachother, instead spending the week with their everyone else and just taking time for themselves
Shinsou knocks on Denki’s door Sunday morning and they finally talk things out
It’s also the first time they say ily!!
Anyways after that fight they work harder on communicating especially when it comes to things like hero work
It’s not perfect bc their dumb traumatized teens but they’re trying and they know their lil family will always be there
I haven’t slept but yes thanks for sticking around if you’re reading this
If ur interested in shinsou’s talk with Kirishima lmk
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king-finnigan · 4 years
Text
5 times Jaskier got sick and 1 time Geralt did
As part of my 500 followers celebration! Masterlist!
CW: being sick, vomiting
***
I.
He sneezes, and Geralt looks at him with narrowed eyes. “Are you getting sick?”
Jaskier scoffs, shakes his head, and continues prodding at the fire. “No.” He sneezes again. “Okay, maybe.”
“Hmm.”
He frowns. “Ooh, now that’s a ‘hmm’ I haven’t heard before. What does it mean?”
Geralt rolls his eyes and looks away, as Jaskier sneezes again. “It means I’m not going to take care of you if you get sick.”
Jaskier sneezes again. “Yeah, I figured that much.” He rubs at his eyes, which are slightly swollen from all the sneezing. “I’ll just firmly tell my body not to get sick, then. That always works.”
“Hmm.” He recognizes that one as a slightly amused ‘hmm’, and he smiles in triumph. Over the past few years, it has become a bit of a personal challenge to make Geralt laugh or smile as much as possible, and, while low on the tier list of ‘how amused is Geralt of Rivia?’, an amused ‘hmm’ is better than nothing. At least it’s better than an unamused ‘hmm’.
Like the one he gets, now, when he suddenly dissolves into a bout of coughing. “It’s fine,” he chokes out when he finally regains his breath. “Not getting sick.”
“We’re stopping at the next inn. You’ll stay there until you get better, and I’ll get some contracts.”
He wants to whine, tell Geralt he’s fine and he’s coming along with these contracts, but when he starts coughing again, he can’t help but admit that the Witcher is right. Though, when Geralt leaves him behind at the inn the next day, he finds himself wishing Geralt would stay.
 II.
He’s performing ‘Toss a Coin’ when he sneezes. The audience laughs, and he plays it off as a joke, making fun of himself, so the audience won’t, before he continues with his song. After he’s done, he graciously accepts his payment and a pint of ale, before he saunters over to the corner of the tavern, sitting down opposite Geralt.
“You sneezed,” is the first thing the Witcher says to him.
“Hello, Jaskier, what a lovely performance, Jaskier, thank you for paying for our dinner tonight, Jaskier,” he says in a mock-gruff voice. He sighs, rolls his eyes. “Really, Geralt, we talked about your conversational skills.”
“You sneezed.”
He dramatically lifts his hands. “So what? People sneeze all the time! It’s dusty in here, Witcher.”
“Your voice is rough.”
“Yes, that’s what you get for performing for three hours straight. You’re welcome, by the way.” He plonks his full coin pouch on the table, gesturing at it, eyebrows in his hairline.
“You’re snotty.”
“Well, now you’re just being downright insulting, Geralt. After all these years of me traveling by your side, and you have the audacity-“
“Jaskier. I can tell you’re getting sick.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not.”
“It’s fine.”
Geralt looks at him, blinking slowly, almost lazily. His expression is almost bored, but Jaskier can tell from the little muscle that’s pulling at his lips, that the Witcher is getting annoyed. “Hmm.” Now that’s an ‘I don’t believe you for shit but I’m tired of arguing’-hmm, he can tell.
“Alright, maybe it’s not fine.” He points at Geralt. “But don’t you dare leave me at an inn again, like last time.”
“Why not?”
Cause it hurt my feelings, and I would love for you to take care of me when I’m sick. “I don’t want to miss out on any contracts and potential inspiration.”
“Hmm.” An ‘I can tell you’re lying’-hmm.
He simply changes the subject, for now, and hopes he doesn’t get sick in the next couple of days. He thanks all his lucky stars when he doesn’t.
 III.
He tries to keep quiet as he leans one hand against the tree, the other on his stomach as he retches, emptying the contents of his stomach in the leaves. He must’ve eaten something bad, or caught a stomach bug. He decides it doesn’t really matter, though, as another wave of nausea rolls over him. He gags again, trying to not make any sound.
Of course, it doesn’t work, and he soon hears Geralt’s voice behind him. “Jaskier.”
He closes his eyes, trying to keep down the bile that rises in his throat. “I’m fine.” The clipped and strained sound of his voice begs to differ.
“Hmm.” A ‘not even Roach would believe that’-hmm. Then: “Are you done?”
He holds up a finger, chokes down one last gag, before he stands up straight, wiping his mouth with a handkerchief. “I’m fine, let’s go.”
He turns around to find Geralt frowning at him, confused. “No.”
“What do you mean, ‘no’?”
“No. We’re not going anywhere but back to camp.”
He sighs. “I’m fine! We can go to the next town, don’t worry about it.”
“Hmm.” He narrows his eyes. Once again a ‘hmm’ he can’t identify. Strange. “Come on, Jaskier.”
He sighs, but follows Geralt back to camp, laying down on his bedroll when the Witcher motions at it. He does have to admit, laying down makes him feel a lot better, and pretty soon he finds himself dozing off to the rhythmic sound of Geralt sharpening his blades.
When he wakes in the morning, the Witcher gives him a piece of… some sort of root. “Ginger,” the Witcher explains roughly. “Helps.”
Jaskier shrugs and eats it. It doesn’t taste entirely pleasant, but it does make him feel better, and by midday, he’s ready to set out on the road again.
 IV.
“You’re limping.”
Jaskier rolls his eyes. “No, I’m not.”
“Hmm.” Another ‘I don’t believe you’-hmm. “What’s wrong with your leg?”
Jaskier stops walking when he no longer hears Roach’s hooves on the dusty path behind him, and he turns around. “Nothing! It’s really fine, there’s nothing going on. I appreciate you worrying, though, it’s very endearing.”
“Jaskier.”
He sighs, then shrugs. “Okay, maybe I got a cut on my leg last week that healed badly. So what? I assure you I’m perfectly fine, Witcher.” He starts stammering when Geralt dismounts Roach, stalking towards him. “A- and there is absolutely no reason for you to walk towards me, in- in a vaguely threatening manner- Geralt!”
He lets out an angry huff when the Witcher bends down, yanking the leg of his breeches up. “Hmm.” An ‘I’m very angry right now, but not at you’-hmm. “It’s infected.”
He shrugs again, pointedly looking everywhere but the reddened skin that surrounds the cut. “It’s fine. Nothing to worry about, r-really, and-“
He scrunches his face in confusion when Geralt lays a hand against his forehead. “You’ve got a fever. Get on Roach.”
“Geralt, as much as I have longed for you to say those three words for the past ten years, I assure you I’m perfectly fine.”
“Get. On. Roach.”
He holds his hands up in defeat. “Alright, alright! Melitele’s tits, Geralt, if I’d known you’d kick up such a fuss over a simple flesh wound, I would’ve been more careful.”
“Hmm. You should be.”
He sighs, rolls his eyes, as he climbs on Roach. Geralt climbs on the horse behind him, and Jaskier tries to fight the furious blush that starts spreading across his cheeks at the feeling of Geralt’s chest against his back. They set out to the nearest town, where the Witcher gets a room at the inn and drags him to the herbalist for something against the infection.
The ointment the old lady gives them works wonders, and within two days, the infection has cleared.
 V.
It’s hard to breathe. Harder to move. Opening his eyes for more than two seconds isn’t even an option, anymore, and every time he does manage to pry his eyelids apart, the world is swimming around him, making bile rise in his throat. He’s hot. No- he’s cold. But now he’s hot again, and he’s sweating, but he’s also shivering, and good gods, what did he do to deserve this?
He sighs when he feels something cold and wet and rough against his forehead, seeping away some of the heat. He doesn’t know whether the droplet that slides down the side of his head is sweat or water, but he decides it doesn’t matter when a bout of coughing wracks through his body.
He’s tired, he’s so bloody tired, but he can’t fall asleep when the temperature keeps changing from hot to cold to hot again, when his lungs keep constricting in his chest pathetically, making him cough and wheeze, desperate for any gulp of air he manages to suck in. The shivering becomes uncontrollable, unbearable, even though he’s sweating, still. He finally manages to pry open his eyes, finding the room around him blurry and dark. He looks around, desperate for anything recognizable, anything that doesn’t give him the feeling that he’s floating in a vast ocean of his own goddamn sweat. Finally, he finds something silver, to his right.
“Geralt,” he manages to croak out, desperately gasping for breath soon afterwards.
“I’m here.” He could cry at that familiar voice, and he might actually be, when he feels another droplet slide down the side of his head.
“I feel like shit.”
“Hmm.” And amused ‘hmm’. But slightly worried as well. “Go to sleep, Jaskier.”
“It hurts.” It does. Everything hurts. His muscles hurt, his lungs hurt, his head hurts, his eyes hurt. It fucking hurts.
Someone wipes his sweaty hair away from his forehead, knuckles trailing down his cheek lightly, and he figures someone else must be in the room because Geralt would never be this gentle with him. It’s already a bloody miracle he’s still here, really. “I know, Jaskier. I know. Try to sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”
“Will you be there? When I wake up?”
“Hmm.” That’s a ‘yes’-hmm.
He sighs, his lungs aching. “Good. Cause I don’t want to wake up at all if you’re not there.” His eyes drift closed again, and he finds himself slipping into unconsciousness.
---
When he wakes up, he finds Geralt next to the bed, stuffed into an entirely too small chair, asleep. No way the position he’s in is comfortable – his neck craned at an awkward angle, his back barely supported by the hard wood. But he’s there, just as he had promised to Jaskier.
The bard smiles, and reaches out, pushing at Geralt’s knee. The Witcher wakes, amber eyes widening when he sees Jaskier. He immediately bends forward, laying his hand against Jaskier’s forehead, eyes studying his face. “How are you feeling?”
“A bit better.” He smiles. “You’re here.”
“I told you I would be.”
He laughs softly, eyes drifting closed again, sleep pulling at him limbs. “That, you did.” He shivers, the heat of the fever no longer keeping him warm. “Geralt, I’m cold.”
“There are no more blankets.”
He pouts, reaches out, eyes still closed. “You’re warm.”
He hears a long-suffering sigh, then the creaking of the chair. Footsteps across the room. He feels the dip of the bed behind him, feels strong arms closing around him, and he sighs in content, before frowning. “Won’t you get sick?”
“Witchers don’t get sick.”
“Okay,” he whispers, before falling asleep in Geralt’s arms.
---
By the time they finally leave the inn, several days later, neither of them has mentioned what happened, and Jaskier doubts either of them will.
 + I
He doesn’t think much of it when Geralt coughs a few times. He does find it strange when it happens more and more in the next few days. He grows suspicious when a fine sheen of sweat appears on the Witcher’s forehead, even if he says he’s fine and tells Jaskier to stop fussing over him like that, he’s just hot, is all. He’s had enough when red spots start to litter Geralt’s skin.
He forces the Witcher to go to an inn, and he’s glad he did, by the time they reach it. Geralt’s hunched over Roach’s neck, sweat dripping from his brow, his skin so spotted with red he almost looks sunburnt. Jaskier barely manages to get him up the stairs, and immediately drops him on the bed, where Geralt lays very still, staring up at the wooden ceiling, breathing heavily.
Jaskier helps him out of his armour, uncovering more and more red spots as he works his way down to Geralt’s boots.
“I’m fine,” Geralt rasps to him. He doesn’t believe it for shit.
“Yeah, no you’re not, Witcher. Looks like you’ve got yourself some measles.”
Geralt scoffs, though it sounds more like two pieces of sandpaper rubbed together. “Witchers don’t get measles.”
Jaskier rolls his eyes, taking a washcloth, wetting it with some water from his waterskin. “Well, you did, so I suggest you change your views on that, Geralt.” He sits down on the side of the bed, gently laying the washcloth over Geralt’s brow, softly pressing it down. “You’re burning up,” he whispers.
“It’s fine.”
He smiles. “Go to sleep, Geralt. Get some rest.”
The Witcher sighs. “Hmm.” A ‘fine, alright, I’ll listen’-hmm. “I’m cold.”
Jaskier laughs softly, climbing over Geralt, laying down on his other side, hugging him to his chest. “Better?”
Geralt shakes his head frantically, weakly pushing at him – the fever’s clearly already taking a toll on him. “You’ll get sick,” he rasps.
“I had the measles as a kid. I’ll be fine, Witcher.”
“Hmm.” A content ‘hmm’. Then, suddenly: “Thank you, Jaskier. I love you.”
Geralt’s breathing evens out, as Jaskier pushes himself up on one elbow, looking down on his Witcher. Geralt is fast asleep, breathing deep and steady, face relaxed from its eternal frown. Jaskier smiles, laying down again, pulling his Witcher closer. “I love you too,” he whispers. Of course, Geralt doesn’t hear him, but he’ll say it again when he wakes up.
He’ll say it a million times if he has to – and he would mean it every time.
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