#my brain needs a hug sometimes

[wafflesdenweasels]

Me: *beating myself up because I only am moderately good at most of the things I can do and have a hard time staying focused on one thing*

Literally anyone, doing the thing or not doing the thing: Oh that so cool! I’d love to try that/Wanna do the thing together sometime?/ Wanna see the thing I’m good at

Moral of the story, people don’t think about how good you are at something, they just think it’s cool that you do the thing. And if they ARE dicks about it, they aren’t worth your brainspace. I mean, I’m learning bass. O know some super talented bass players who are just thrilled that I’m even picking up the instrument on occasion. They don’t care that I’m not great and that I’m confused. They often teach me things.

When I first started writing, no matter how shitty it was, my grandpa, who is a professional writer, always told me I was doing amazing. So I kept writing. And ya I know I could have never published what I wrote before, but I got better, even though I was only writing little bits at a time.

When I started voice, only one person tried to put me down. A few years later and I had almost ruined my voice, and had totally lost the ability to properly balance it, and was getting swelling in a tendon in my neck because of the tension I was putting on myself to please this person who I was never good enough for. So I walked away and found someone who taught me the skills I needed to bring my voice back to where it should be. Turns out I’m not an alto 2. I’m a soprano 2.

I just took up roller skating. I thought it would be embarrassing learning something new now that I am legally an adult. Turns out people, skaters and non skater, just think I’m cool for even owning them.

I’m going to be starting school for sound tech this fall. I am terrified because I know nothing about it. All I have is my background in music and a few songs I wrote because I like poetry. When I was on my tour, the guy told me “ya know, I only knew a few chords on guitar when I started here” and now he teaches at the damn school.

My brain likes to tell me I’m not good enough to do something. That I need to be the best at it to even do it, so I have to constantly fight with it, and teach it to do things because I enjoy doing them, and not because I need to be good at it. Being good at things comes with time, and even when I am good at something, I don’t really see it anyway. I don’t know if anyone relates to this, but it’s been on my mind a bit and I thought someone might need to hear it too.

I can tell my brain perfection isn’t possible a million times over and never get through to it, but when I give it a thought out, logical reason why, that it can’t refute or spin into some shitstorm, I can actually do things I enjoy without worrying about judgment or harping on myself about being shit at it.

[factorialsotherfandoms]

"Do you think Philza's okay?"

Fit rolls over to look at Pac, his roommate staring up at the ceiling. He reaches over, cautiously offering his hand. Pac, of course, takes it just as hesitantly.

"Cell's back, maybe after you, and you're worried about Phil?" Okay, so Fit is worried too, but his point is well made. Pac had only told him some of the situation, in whispered tones and terrified whimpers a few hours ago, and he was worrying about someone who was at least safe?

Pac turns his head, and looks Fit dead in the eye. "You're with me. I know you won't let anyone hurt me. But who's with him?"

"He's safe enough," Fit says. "Physically at least."

"He just didn't seem, ah," Pac struggles with his words for a moment. "Well?"

"It's not really my place to say," he replies. "But he's Philza. He'll be fine."

"Will he?" Pac asks, fretting already. "If the Federation is inside his head, making him see things..."

It's a worry Fit has too, one he really doesn't want to think about. He wants to pretend that his old friend is fine, that going and murdering blazes and magma cubes will have fixed everything. He needs to believe it, because the alternative... The alternative is there's nothing he can do.

"Do you really believe him?" Pac asks. "That there was a book there."

"Yes."

"Why?"

Fit sighs, and sits up. He turns on the lamp and stretches, looking around his room of missing texture flooring and ugly walls - the safest place he could think to bring Pac when he heard the news.

"It's not the first time," Fit says. "Phil... He swears it was a dream, that he was just sleeping. He wasn't. Tubbo and me? We checked every corner of his house. He wasn't there. Then he takes us to where he thought he was taken and he swears there's nothing weird about it? But it's full of parrots - they shouldn't have spawned there. Tubbo even found an avocado sapling."

"Philza has a lot of avocados," Pac agrees. "You think the Federation took him?"

"I'm not sure, it's not their usual behaviour," Fit frowns. "But I don't know who else it would be?"

"The codes?"

"Maybe." Fit cracks his head to the side. "But I know Phil. Whatever he saw? It terrified him. And anything that scares Philza Minecraft is nothing you ever want to see."

"Should we ask him if we can visit?" Pac has a calculating look on his face. "I can cry scared all over again, I just need to remember why. And his bunker is very safe. They might look for me in your house, but they'd never think of his."

"Why? Is my company not good enough for you?" Fit is mostly teasing.

Mostly.

"No! No, no, no," Pac waves his hands in a desperate attempt to be understood. "I just... I'm worried, you know?"

"Yeah..." Fit sighs. "Yeah, I'm worried too... I'll ask him."

Pac nods, and Fit types.

You whisper to Ph1LzA: Can I bring Pac over? We might need to stay the night.

Ph1LzA whispers to you: sure mate

Ph1LzA whispers to you: is everything okay?

You whisper to Ph1LzA: We'll explain when we get there

That's the end of that; Fit shows his communicator to Pac, who agrees.

"I'm not really faking the tears," Pac promises, already tearing up. "I just don't think about it, and then it isn't real."

Pac's not the only one acting like that, Fit presumes; Philza's constant denials even with evidence in front of him... Whatever the fuck happened in that forest, it's nothing good. Something so terrible believing his memory is at fault is somehow better.

"To Phil and Missa," Fit reminds Pac, not really needing it.

They warp together, and at the same time.

---

Philza is waiting at the top of the hatch when the pair arrive. To most people he would look entirely normal, but Fit can see the way his eyes flitter as he waves. Pac waves back, while Fit gives his traditional "oi!!!"

Philza laughs, and leads them down into the basement.

"What's up?" he asks the two of them. "Need more toast or something? I thought you were both asleep."

"No, um," Fit looks to Pac, realising they didn't quite work out what to say.

"Bagi told me more about the murders," is what Pac says, his voice dropping very quiet as he does. "She thinks... We think someone from my past is on the island."

"Shit," Philza closes his eyes for a moment. "How bad is it?"

"Last time I saw him," Pac's pace picks up; Fit squeezes his shoulder as he sees panic come in. "Last time... He nearly killed me. And the messages..." Pac grabs the hand on his shoulder and squeezes it back. "Some of them might be addressed to me."

Philza doesn't ask questions, he just glances around his children's bedroom, then looks at Fit. Fit meets his eyes.

Philza sighs, and caves.

"Alright," he says. "Do you want to sleep in Chayanne's room? I can adjust the door to just the three of us, Missa, and my eggs for now."

Fit knows it isn't for Pac's sake that Philza is changing the doors, he knows it for sure.

They get their beds set up, tucked behind the chests where a casual observer cannot see. Philza doesn't have a bed, but Fit makes them for him and Pac, placing them tucked away.

"Would you stay with us?" Fit asks, before his old friend can slip away.

Philza looks genuinely surprised by the request, "why, mate? I'll just be in the eggs' room."

"Safety in numbers, right?" Pac asks, glancing between the two. "I would... Feel safer if you were here too."

Fit knows its a manipulation tactic to convince Philza to stay, to make sure the old crow is not alone. It still rings so very true - and so very against everything ingrained within Fit's soul.

It's fine. For a few nights he can manage it, if its what his two closest friends need.

"Alright," Philza hesitates, but comes over and sits on the edge of Pac's bed. He takes off his backpack, and leans his scythe just in reach. Pac and Fit take the opportunity to remove their prosthetics, hastily reattached to travel over here, and stretch.

When Philza stands again, both of them can see how unstable he looks.

"Let's push our beds together," Fit says. "If we put Pac between us, there isn't an angle they can get him from."

Philza looks at Fit, and knows exactly what he's doing. Still, Philza crafts up a third bed, and squishes it between the two.

He nearly falls as he walks around to do it; Fit catches him, helps him steady, but is brushed off before he can say a word.

"Alright," Philza says. "Pac in the middle then. You won't get too warm, will you?"

"I'm Brazilian," Pac says. "It's always too cold here now Mike is gone."

They both see how heavily Philza drops to the bed, curling himself back to Pac and defensively ready. Fit, on his side, curls close to Pac - his one arm over him.

It's not really a surprise how quickly Pac falls asleep, with the sheer trauma and strain of the day on his back. He quickly falls into dreams, and Fit can only hope they are kind.

"Phil," he asks, once he knows Pac is asleep. "Won't you sleep?"

"You needed a guard," Philza says.

"You know we don't. You and I? We'll wake if anything so much as tests the hatch."

It's true, and they both know it.

Philza, however, doesn't speak.

At least, not for a long time; Fit considers conversation a lost cause and is about to give up and call this good enough when he hears Philza again, voice broken just like it was in the garden.

"If I sleep, will I wake?" is what Philza asks, whispered almost silently. "How will I know when the world is real again? What will I see this time?"

"I'll make sure you wake up," Fit promises, because he can. "And I'll do something to make you absolutely certain its really me."

"Promise?"

Philza sounds so weak, so small like this. Fit... Fit cannot stand it, not at all. He reaches a little further, and manages to put his hand on Phil's shoulder.

Philza's own hand reaches over, clinging to it.

"I promise," Fit says. "We'll wake you if we leave. We won't let anything weird happen, its just sleep."

Philza turns, and his eyes do not seem to trust Fit. But they are also exhausted, and desperate, and terrified.

"Go to sleep, Phil. I won't until you do."

"I'm sorry," Philza whispers, sounding absolutely broken. "Thank you. Both of you. I know... I'm sorry."

Fit squeezes his shoulder again.

"It'll be alright," Fit replies. "I've got you. I've got both of you. It's going to be okay."

Nothing else is said before they eventually fall asleep.

[crescentfool]

having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!

[jangmo-othewarrior]

DMC Questions Anon here!

Create a crossover! What is Devil May Cry crossing over with? How does it work? How do the characters from each world interact with the characters from the other?

Look, ya'll see my username, u know I'm gonna go with Pokémon.

specifically I'm thinking about pokemon naturally existing within the human realm, and demons are almost entirely separate from them. So all of the human characters have pokemon partners, with some exceptions.

All of the Spardas have a pseudo-legendary, and Dante specifically has Tyranitar. I wanted this line specifically because this species is known for causing a lot of damage, but have also been shown to be very sweet and protective if need be. It really fits Dante's 'don't come near me, I'm dangerous' mindset until Patty climbs all over it and it utterly adores her. It's also a hugger, so much so that Dante actively lets himself get poked to Hell because it looks sad.

As for Vergil, I'm going with the Salamence line. It's a very interesting line, having a goal-driven lizard eventually achieve that goal in the final stage. Vergil would have a hard time working with his partner, especially in 3 (where it would be a Bagon), because demons don't have pokemon partners. He leaves Bagon with Dante when he falls into Hell, thinking that the pokemon would not be able to survive there. It would stay with Dante for decades after that, until finally reuniting with Vergil as a Shelgon in DMC 5. It would take a bit, but it would eventually evolve after the boys got back from hell. Dante will forever lord the fact that his partner fully evolved before Vergil's (until Salamence smacks him with a Dragon Claw. Vergil approved.)

Nero would definitely have the Dragapult line! A dragon type (like Salamence) that has a large focus on family in its design whist also being completely unique from most other pseudos? Yeah, it's chock full of Nero vibes. The Dragapult evolution definitely only happened at the end of DMC 5, becuase the image of a Dragapult and DT Nero fighting with Silver Bullet in the bg is so fuckin sick. Also he was a Dreepy during DMC 4 and u need to know that he loved to sit on Nero's head or in his hoodie.

Patty next because propaganda. This one's up for grabs, but I think her first partner was a Dratini! Specifically one that kept showing up in the DMC office until Dante shoved it into Patty's arms. She's a Dragonair now, and often flies around the office just to annoy Dante. Also, shoutout to Patty for being the only human to get a pseudo because she's Dante's kid.

Trish didn't have a partner at first, since she was a demon. After going off on her own for a while, she ran into a Wattrel that kept using her motorcycle's wind to glide in the air. She found the little thing tenacious, and now there's a Kilowattrel half the size of Lady that perches in the DMC office rafters. It's high speed nature complements her fighting style rather well, along with the electricity.

Lady's partner is an extremely violent Scolipede. She really big and very venomous, so most regular people steer clear of her. She is also very tsundere, but actually doesn't mind when Dante or Trish are around. Lady takes great care of her, and often rides her in during jobs. Most people would tell you that's a horrible idea, but DMC employees are not normal people. Also Vergil was shot by one of her needles in DMC 3 when she was a Venipede, and now they are locked in a bitter rivalry. Lady thinks this is hilarious.

Nico is very happy with her Riolu partner, even if it was a gift from her dad when it was an egg. She doted on it very often, and even forced Rock to help her make a special egg warmer. When it did hatch, it quickly shared her interest in the art of metalworking and gunsmithing. Nowadays, he's Nico's assistant. He hasn't evolved yet, but Nico doesn't mind. He will when he's ready.

Kyrie's partner is a Sylveon, and a very caring one at that. Loves the kids, Kyrie, and Nero. Was an Eevee during DMC 4, and refused to leave Nero's side after Kyrie was kidnapped. Because of that, she is actually incredibly strong, so much so that Salamence was immediate put on edge when they met.

Some quick ones! Eva gave Sparda a Dieno when they met, and it was a very affectionate Hydregion during the boys' youth. Eva herself had a Alolan Ninetales, who was very protective of the boys and the baby pseudos. Both of these Pokemon are actually still alive in a rehabilitation center, although the boys don't know that rn. Morrison has an old Stoutland who can surprisingly handle battle quite well. Nina's partner is a very majestic and battle worn Kingdra, who is currently enjoying retirement. V did not have any pokemon, but he does talk about one he regrets leaving behind in the past....

And... that all their main partners! They actually have other pokemon as well, but these were just their first ones. As an example, Dante also has a Houndoom that he befriended in DMC 3 (as a Houndour) that knows a lot of bite moves. Why? King Cerberus rep for the mutual Coverage. Elemental coverage.

Thanks again DMC Questions anon! I really enjoyed this ask, even if I did flex my pokemon knowledge a bit please ask me questions I will write an essay to answer u-

[sualne]

that guy

[pizzee]

I WANNA TALK ABOUT ISSUE#15 OK? OK.

So. What an issue, huh? Absolutely stunning, and while I wish we got some Jake and Steven interacting with the Midnight Mission, I do adore this issue and it was an incredible follow up to the last issue. The art, the writing, the color choice's, the Steven, THE JAKE!!! anyway, this is an analysis so let's do it.

Marc Spector doesn’t believe that he’s enough. He never has, which is why he was initially so reluctant and terrified of giving up control (which I went a bit ham on analyzing here). He’s scared of someone else seeing him how he sees himself, as nothing more than a means to an end, and realizing once they’ve gotten what they need out of him, he won’t be useful anymore. He calls himself a “fist”, he literally says “I still have my uses” in the context of a fight. Marc doesn’t see himself as being much else outside of that violence and his mission as Khonshu’s fist.

Which directly contrasts with Steven and Jake. (YAY I GET TO TALK ABOUT THEM!!!)

Steven, who’s already got his own society he feels semi-comfortable in, can slip into that role of rich benefactor like he was born for it. The first thing he does when fronting is always always take off the mask and take care of them. Which is, so impactful. Because yes, he’d care about their appearance. He's rich, sure. But it’s more than that. He takes care of them because it’s what they deserve. They’re worth something. They’re worthy of love and affection, self care in the form of expensive hair treatments and makeovers. 

He takes off the mask (literally and metaphorically and the secret third meaning and fourth and—) and looks in the mirror and chastises Marc for not taking care of them then does exactly that because Steven Grant doesn’t see Marc or Jake of any of them as tools or means, but as people. He proves Marc wrong by just by existing.

Then we got Jake. JAKE FUCKING LOCKLEY!!! Our avuncular scoundrel’s first act when fronting is going to see his friends. Which I just. I love it. When he throws open the doors and says he’s back and is met with such love and care and enthusiasm. Which is such a magenta moment (passion and compassion and kindness and I’m not gonna get into the color theory of it all but the fact that his two colors are magenta and sooome green make me gigle🤭). But it also takes us back to the last issue where he laments losing their friends. Where Marc said he never needed them. Where Marc is obviously dead fucking wrong.

Jake’s not in his element, he’s at home. He’s with his people, and his people have him and it’s beautiful. And it’s how Jake takes care of them, by creating connections with everyone from all walks of life. Because, once again, everyone wants to be loved. So he goes out and makes jokes and earns trust and makes promises and gives and gets love and lives. He shows he — and by default the system — aren’t incapable of giving or receiving affection. He proves Marc wrong just by living.

And now. We got the biggun. Marc. 

We’ve already established Marc’s issues with constantly needing to be in control stemming from his fear of being cast aside or deemed unlovable, said issues causing a lot of the problems in his life. What I love about this issue is that it works on dismantling those thoughts, one by one. If Steven and Jake prove Marc wrong, the rest of the Midnight Mission enforce those ideas by hammering them home with a comically oversized hammer. Soldier does what Soldier does: be the chillest fucking guy around. Badr obviously has his own Khonshu/religious tinted lense of looking at it but that doesn’t make him any less understanding. He just thinks Marc is a fucking idiot (and he’s not wrong!).

Then. Then. Reese. Reese who comes in, shatters every single insecurity and fear and preconceived notion Marc has about himself. Reese who doesn’t know about his past and doesn’t care because she sees what he’s trying to do now, the good he’s trying to do and is doing, and admires that. Reese who doesn’t push when that’s clearly what Marc is expecting her to do (because that’s probably what everyone has done, always done. Ask probing, invasive questions that he forces himself to answer and now he’s so used to them he’s constantly shocked when people don’t ask. He’s shocked when people care. He’s shocked when he finds himself caring.).

Reese. Who says…

…which is probably the first time anyone has said that to him. It’s probably the first time anyone has cared enough to even think it. The very thing Jake and Steven have been proving to him all issue, the thing Reese says so naturally and casually. It’s not a grand revelation from her, it’s not something she has to think about. Marc is enough and she knows it, Jake and Steven know it, the rest of the Midnight Mission and the community know it. The only who doesn’t, or didn’t, was Marc. And now. And now.

He does. And Reese and Steven and Jake will be damned if he forgets that anytime soon. 

(AND VERY BRIEFLY I WANNA TALK AB THE COLORS!!! Ok so I’m absolutely in love with the colors Rosenberg chose. They vary a lot between pages but my color associations are: Steven gold, Jake magenta, Marc blue. There are a lot of pages where the characters swap colors or have different ones but I’m going to stick with these associations because they make sense to me.

Steven gold is probably the most clear cut one. Gold is a warm color, symbolizing wealth and generosity. Divinity and power. Steven is rich (or was) so there’s the wealth, I’d say the generosity comes from how he takes care of the body, mostly physically. There aren’t many pages where Steven appears in, but the one in the barber or whatever is where I’m drawing most of these thoughts from. Marc is also depicted with a lot of gold, particularly when he’s speaking to Dr. Sterman especially when he’s giving long ass melodramatic monologues. Which I find interesting, as those extended metaphors and speeches seem like his way of establishing control, or power, in a conversation which is generally supposed to end up with deep self evaluation and a certain amount of vulnerability that comes with giving up some of that control (he is talking to his therapist, after all, even if she doesn’t do a very good job of it but— that’s a story for another day)

Jake magenta is a very clearly shown visual. Magenta is another warm color, symbolizing passion and compassion, kindness and love. Jake is the Just Some Guy of the three, probably the most affable and easygoing, so magenta makes sense thematically for him as well. What’s also cool is that magenta is the primary, dominating color in a lot of his pages where he’s surrounded by people he cares about (I’m thinking of the last issue in his headspace emotional support strip club where all the dancers looked like Marlene and this issue at the bar with his friends). Almost as if he’s overflowing with love and care for others. 

Both Jake and Steven appear in several pages where the primary color is green, which symbolizes growth, renewal, rebirth. This is the only cool color they’re depicted in, which is also interesting because Marc is almost exclusively shown in panels with cool colors (minus the gold ones I mentioned earlier). Marc also appears in pages with greens, particularly those where he talks to Soldier and Badr, symbolizing his growth of being able and willing to open up to them. 

Finally, Marc blue has been a dominant color for basically this entire run. Blue is a cool color that symbolizes a lot, but I’ll stick with sadness, peace, security and freedom. Sadness is pretty obvious, but the other three are aspirational for him. And I think this is most clearly shown by the fact that the only exclusively blue Marc pages are the last two with Reese. Her understanding and words help take him one step closer to those things he’s always wanted, that love and understanding. And I think her wearing a YELLOW shirt also shows the positive influence and power her words have on him. Plus, it’s a good contrast against the background and his suit ;)

Last last thing I wanna mention about colors because wow this got out hand is the page where Marc takes off the mustache (NOOOOO) and introduces himself. It has all the colors I mentioned in a gradient, which imo symbolizes how he’s finally starting to work with Steven and Jake as a system, a team, and how they’re all separate parts but also parts of a whole. Also harkens back to earlier, when Marc mentioned he hasn’t asked Jake and Steven’s opinion. They aren’t perfect, there’s still some work to be done on communication, but they’re getting there and that’s what matters. It’s a great visual, and he even gets his emo anime boy hair back so win there, I guess😐)

[swordmahes]

“Gosh, I really lucked out finding you on that beach, huh?”

“You say that, but then call me a dumb nerd every other week.”

“You are a dumb nerd.”

“We’re both dumb nerds. Come read with me.”

[anidealistatbestburntoutatworst]

now my question to the jury is- why is kunikida so often made to be this overly obsessive idealist who’s go-to emotion is angst related?!? like we are talking about the man who has one of the galaxies largest guilt complex and ideals or otherwise is really just out here doing his best as he goes along?!?!

like yes he has his moments of annoyance but i think that so much of that is rooted in the internal battle raging on like 24/7 because of his ideals-

like this man has been passed off as being naive when he actually maintains a deeper understanding/appreciation of the world bc despite how awful it has been to him time and time again he remains loyal to his ideals and is willing to do whatever it takes to see they are fulfilled to the best of their abilities- like hello?!?!

sorry sorry i’ll get off my soap box now

[skhardwarevers1]

okay nothings funny anymore going to lay down and cry

[high-warlock-of-brooklyn]

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[ragingdumpsterfire]

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[orcelito]

It's been a month and a half and I'm still not even over Cassy yet, idk how I'm supposed to live with my uncle being dead too

[wheelsupin-five]

Waking up from a good dream will fr just ruin your whole day huh

[missingn000]

happy found family friday Hey guys remember this

[nuoc7mia]

[andthebubbles]

.