#my decision paralysis is also at an all time high which is a problem when following multi’s and being one myself

[tvrningout-a]

gonna try to write later tonight!! but forgive me if i’m absent from the dash bc i’m feeling anxious today 😔

[crystalelemental]

Ongoing Nexomon. We’ve reached the second overseer. I’m trying to stay at my wife’s progress. This was her game, she should have one I don’t know all about beforehand.

Some interesting revelations have been made.

First: there are only 7 types. It finally clicked that the starters are the only types when I got a Wind moth thing that has Poison Sting, which is registered as a Plant move, and Sheral learned a poison-inflicting move that was Water. Poison is just a status. There aren’t other types. That is. Interesting.

There are apparently 310 creatures in this game, and per the records, many do not evolve. So there’s a ton of creature variety with like no type variety, because dual types don’t seem to exist. Absolutely fascinating decision-making.

What gets really interesting is that, with only seven types and access to six creatures in a team...you have perfect coverage if you use one of each type, with one exception. You might think "Ditch normal" because it has no strengths or weaknesses, but Normal Nexomon all seem to learn one (1) type of secondary attack type, and therefore substitute in for that type. So for example, I found a cat thing, Basten, who has Fire-type moves, and use that instead of a Fire-type. "Is that good?" Near as I can tell, there's no equivalent Same Type Attack Bonus like in Pokemon, so your offense is just your offense. You retain all the offensive benefits, with none of the weaknesses of that type. The trade is, of course, that you don't resist anything, but frankly good trade. It makes for a fun system where Normal as a type has legitimate value.

Rarity seems to determine stats. Commons have kind shit stats, Uncommon better, Rare good, and Mega Rare are super overpowered. There are also Special, which is the rank of your starter, and it turns out you can find the starters as well, they're just even rarer. I didn't intend to look things up, but I did look up which screen Fleecius was on because my wife found it and I figured I'd try to collect the rare stuff so I don't push past her progress. And accidentally found out that there are like...legendary creatures that just show up randomly sometimes, depending on how many you have registered, and are stupid powerful. Which is. Interesting. Extremely rare, but if you do bump into them they're like immediate game winners.

Despite this, it doesn't feel like anything is unusuable, per se. Some of the commons feel a little underwhelming, but at the same time, some of the Uncommons feel stronger than rare. I mentioned Alpoca earlier, just because it leaves such an impression. Damage numbers aren't exceptional, but the ability to confuse off its basic attack lets that thing win fights it otherwise should not. Again status is strong.

Damage numbers are high regardless. Every attack feels like it deals some heavy damage, unless resisted. This creates an interesting situation where even much lower levels can be a bit of a threat if you switch in to them. In compensation, your under-leveled stuff can be easily caught up, thanks to high EXP yields when you don't switch around, and a level up restoring all HP and stamina for ease of grinding.

Status is absurdly powerful. It’s temporary, inaccurate, but devastating. Bind and paralysis just completely shut down the opponent’s ability to act, same as sleep. Poison is just damage, no idea if burn decreases damage, but since all damage is off Atk, I doubt it. The most insane is Confuse. It not only denies the attack guaranteed, it deals damage. Which is outrageous.

There are some system issues I have. Not being able to look up locations of Nexomon in the Database is a massive problem, given how many there are, and how hard it is to just find a regular Rare, much less the Mega Rare or Special types. It's impossible to know where anything is. Trapping mechanics feel similar to Pokemon, in that being on death's door and asleep doesn't guarantee shit. Accuracy is also really confusing, as are secondary effect rates. It'll show moves with like 80 and the little target symbol I assume is accuracy, but it'll hit with hilarious consistency. Other times they'll have a damage move with a 40 and it'll hit literally every time, which makes me assume it's the rate of secondary effect. But my Spink has a move with a bind effect and a 90, but it's hit every time and never once inflicted Bind. So I have literally no idea how to interpret that number. I assume it's bugged or something.

My wife's been cycling through some things on her team. She started with Vulazy, and managed to find Velokitti. Alpoca is kind of her baby child, so I don't think she's getting rid of that. Gemir is another she's a big fan of. The rest is in flux. She wants to find the fire skunk starter, which admittedly was a really cute one. Otherwise she's just leveling to see some evolutions for things that evolve early. Clobolt is her current project.

My team started with Velokitti, and has Basten and Silkmaid as my guaranteed never leaving the team babies. I'm currently running Sheril for Water, Frulf because I got lucky finding it but I'm not attached, and Spink for Plant which is sufficiently cute but there have been a few Plant I'm attached to so no promises even though it too is Mega Rare.

[drtanner]

So before I hit the sack tonight I want to gush for a just a second, just this one time, because I finally got my ADHD meds today and took them for the first time and jesus fucking christ, it's been wild. I didn't know what to expect going into this at all, but I'm over the moon with my first experience of it, lmao.

I'm on the elvanse/vyvanse, or lisdexamfetamine if you fancy trying to say that five times fast, because apparently that one lasts Long and I would like to have to remember to take pills as infrequently as possible. I had one (1) Real Adult Human Job to do today, which was to tidy and dust my coffee table. I am going to tell you how I got on with it, about an hour and twenty minutes after I took my first dose.

I will preface this by saying that the state of my coffee table was very much exemplary of my ADHD issues. It had become the dumping ground for anything I couldn't immediately decide what to do with or how to deal with, which is a lot of things given that one of the major problems my ADHD gives me is decision paralysis! If the answer isn't immediately obvious, my brain just checks out and the decision just ends up getting abandoned; the coffee table was piled high with all kinds of shit that had fallen victim to this phenomenon, letters and tools and knick-knacks and what have you that had no immediately obvious home or that needed something doing with them before they could be used or put away, all of them gathering dust for having remained there, wholly untouched, for so long, and because there was so much of it, I would then get decision paralysis about where to start chipping away at it as well and the problem just had no solution at all. It was, to make no bones about it, a fucking shitshow.

But suddenly I just sort of knew what to do with things? Every time I picked something up off the coffee table, it was suddenly just very, very easy to decide where it should go? It wasn't tiring or difficult or anything, it was just me, starting at the top of the pile without even thinking about it, grabbing shit and going OH, THIS NEEDS TO GO IN THE DRAWER. THIS NEEDS TO GO IN MY FILE. THIS NEEDS TO GO IN THE BIN and so on like it was the simplest and most obvious thing in the fucking world. Suddenly I just knew what to do, which I realise implies in some way that previously I didn't know what to do, and of course I did, of course I knew what to do, but I guess it's a lot like it is when you're trying to have conversations about things you're knowledgeable about when you have ADHD in that the information is absolutely there in your brain, but you can never seem to recall it when you actually need it.

But yeah, no. I found permanent homes for all kinds of little bits and pieces, I fixed things that needed fixing and cleaned everything that needed cleaning and it was, for the first time in my life, blessedly easy to do. I found letters from fucking 2019 at the bottom of the heap, for fucks sake. There was a fucking dried leaf in there. A leaf, from a fucking tree. The skipping rope I'd been putting off using because the (adjustable!!) cable rope was too long has now been adjusted and put in a proper place, ready to be used. My set of hand grippers all have a permanent, tidy place to live and are ready to go as well. Everything's clean and like, still cluttered, but in a nice and intentional way rather than the objectively awful way it was before. It is fucking insane how quick and easy all of this was to achieve. I'm still reeling, honestly. Is this how it is for NTs? Is this how life is supposed to feel? I guess it must be. Fucking wild.

Also I actually had conversations with a couple of my neighbours and I could, like, hear everything they said? Because I was listening?? It doesn't usually work like that! Usually when I'm having a spoken conversation with someone I lose fully half of what they say and I have to kind of piece it together from the context of the other half that I actually do catch and make my best guess, which is not a fun way to have conversations, to say the least. But again, having a conversation was easy, listening was easy, remembering what I was talking about and going back to it when we got a little sidetracked was easy. I stumbled over my words less, my knowledge came to the front of my mind when I needed it, I didn't forget what I was going to say a half-second before I got to say it. To say that I could stand to get used to this is a gross understatement.

The only downside I've had so far is that about five or so hours after I took that first dose, I got a very, very mild headache and straight away thought OH, I BET THAT'LL GO AWAY IF I EAT SOMETHING LOL, so I did, and it did, and that was it! I took it pretty late and, again, it lasts Long, so I'm anticipating that I might have some issues getting to sleep tonight, but that'd be no different from normal honestly so I'm not too torn up about it.

I really hope this keeps up. I might actually be able to get this book written before I fucking die if I keep getting results like this, lmao.

[perpetual-stories]

Deadly Poisons to Use in Your Next Story: Part One

Hey, everyone. So I’m taking a bit of a break from grammar tips. Instead, I decided to research some deadly poisons. The use of poison has been a method of centuries-old murder tactics. If you feel like writing a period piece and think murder would be an excellent addition to your story, then sit down kiddos, and let's explore some of the deadliest poisons.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any decisions or action you decide to take regarding this information. This is for all in good fun for writing. I am in no shape or form teaching anyone how to commit murder.

1. Strychnine: also known as nux vomica, poison nut, semen strychos, and quaker buttons. This plant can grow seeds the produce dramatic and painful symptoms of any known toxic reaction. It's poisoning can cause violent muscular convulsions, rise in blood pleasure and death through asphyxia. Convulsions occur after inhalation or injection very quickly. While ingesting the poison takes about 15 minutes to occur. If taken in a high dose death can occur in 15 minutes to 30 minutes. If strychnine is ingested in smaller doses, other symptoms can occur: seizures, cramping, hyper vigilance, agitation, and stiffness. Potential seizures can occur as early as 15 minutes and last for 12-24 hours! These seizures themselves, can cause other symptoms: overheating, kidney failure, metabolic and respiratory acidosis, and the seizures can be triggered by light, sound, or touch. Some seizure characteristics are protrusion of the eyes, involuntary eye movement, and abnormal eye dilation. It has no antidote. If used properly however, it can alleviate indigestion, increase appetite, and treat constpation.

Toxicity: 97

Medicinial Use: 49

Mortality Rate: 88

Temptation to Use: 20

2. Hemlock: A very famous and well known poison. It is a very dirty and unattractive plant with a bunch of white small flowers, and is known to smell like urine. Symptoms for hemlock include paralysis, collapse of respiratory muscles, and death. Although hemlock is not used to medicinal purposes, there was a time where it was used to treat for rabies, and was used as an antidote for strychnine, but was quickly removed as a possible antidote due to the fine line of beneficial and lethal use.

Toxicity: 95

Medicinial Use: 10

Mortality Rate: 90

Temptation to Use: 5

3. Belladonna: It is scientifically called atropa belladonna, also known as deadly nightshade, and its literal translation means 'pretty woman.' The purple trumpet-shaped flowers, and dark berries peaks the interest to digest and touch the flower, which is actually the more poisonous part of the plant. It's symptoms are dilated pupils, sensitivity to light, blurred vision, tachycardia, loss of balance, staggering, headache, rash, flushing, severely dry mouth, and throat, slurred speech, urinary retention, constipation, confusion, hallucinations, delirium, and convulsions (a long list, I know). Digesting any part of the plant can be fatal if left untreated. Known to be very deadly, but remains harmless to cattle and rabbits. It was also used to relieve Parkinson's at some point.

Toxicity: 80

Medicinial Use: 78

Mortality Rate: 93

Tempation to Use: 100

4. Ricin: Known as the deadliest poison in the world due to its unknown antidote. The highly potent toxin is produced in the seeds of the castor oil plant (no, I use castor oil in my hair!). Any small dose of purified ricin from its seeds can be very fatal, (when used with the right dosage) and easily kills. Symptoms for this inhaling or ingesting this poison includes difficulty breathing, fever, nausea, dehydration, hallucinations, and seizures, followed by death. It can also be use to cure digestive problems and to treat various skin conditions.

Toxicity: 100

Medicinial Use: 64

Mortality Rate: 92

Temptation to Use: 92

5. Mandrake: Is part of the nightshade family, and has been anesthetic in the past for certain civilizations. It was a very sought after plant. The entire plant is deadly and can produce symptoms such as hallucinations, and madness, and hypnotic effects. Ingesting mandrake can have adverse effects such as diarrhea, and vomiting. Legend says that when the root is dug up, the screams of the plan kills all who hear it.

Toxicity: 45

Medicinial Use: 36

Mortality Rate: 53

Temptation to Use: 14

Okay, and that concludes this lesson on Deadly Poisons. I'll make a follow up post very soon about the rest of the poisons. If you find this post useful make sure to reblog or tag me on Instagram if you choose to share it there! My instagram is perpetualstories.

I'll make sure to past Part Two soon, so keep an eye out for that!

Please make sure to follow me on Tumblr and Instagram for more writing, and grammar tips!

[egyptian-sun-god]

Never Have I ever S2

SPOILERS.....Turn back now I’m serious.

I’m waiting....

Okay cool your fault at this point

I was fairly critical of NHIE S1, I won’t lie. And I’ll be real I still stand by the fact that NHIE S1 was fairly meh overall. 

But holy shit, they knocked this season outta the world man. The show really really found its proper footing this season. They were smart to keep the cheating for only two episodes and explore the repercussion for the other 8. 

1.Devi Vishwakumar.

Let’s start with the main character.  Devi still does immensely fucked up shit this season. Dating two boys and have them find out in the MOST humiliating way possible. Yikes. Being a really sucky friend to Aneesa and starting that rumour about her (inadvertently) and pretending to her. Stalking her mother and being possessive of her. The really awful apology that was pretty self centred, a bit not good. 

 But she really does do her best to improve and I am SO proud of that. She uses her father’s advice and apologizes better to Aneesa, she actually handled the Ben and Aneesa dating WAAAAY better than I’ve seen some people handle things like that. I might’ve blown a fuse if two of my friends had 4 tickle fights and had major PDA sessions when we were trying to do a group project. Like she handled that shit fairly well all things considered. Devi actually gets into the beginnings of delving into her trauma and her temporary paralysis and healing from it. I

 really see how the label ‘crazy’ weighs on her and how she blew up with it and the message of destigmatizing mental illness. (Crazy Aneesa and Crazy Devi)  Her properly bonding with her mother and watching videos of her father and remembering/honouring his memory hit REALLY HARD (since I lost many people in my family recently and that fear of forgetting them has been real). Devi is actually beginning to heal from the loss of her father by strengthening the relationship with her Amma. And the slap from Paati was so so needed, it really gave her a better respect of her mother and fixed the problem I had with Devi mouthing off so much to her Amma. I live to see good maamiyar marumagal relationships. Her relationship with Paxton is really good and it gets developed very logically and having her be scared of being pathetic but in the end she accepted her own self worth and stopped chasing after them which was good. 

Overall Devi really blossomed into her own developing person and I actually like her so much more this season. 

2. Paxton Hall Yoshida

I was honestly, like genuinely sad last season he was like 80% eye candy with not much else going for him. Paxton had so much faith as a character and Ms Kaling has really pulled him into such a better person this season. 

Paxton got hit by a car before swim season, lost his ticket to college and wow, got two timed by a girl he liked all in two episodes. If he was salty about that for more than one season I would’ve completely accepted it. Cause that’s a bad public humiliation. 

Paxton episode really really made me love him as a character (honestly more so than Ben) I think because I heard Paxton’s entire worry and irritation that he was being underestimated and no one really expected him to go to college from a friend of mine not more than a month ago. That shit is real, and it hurted my friends a lot that people were really underestimating them and just seeing them as a dumb athlete who has no hope of college. It’s really nice to see Paxton actually want to go to college and learn Japanese American side with his Oji-chan giving him advice and supporting him. And him bringing his grandfather to speak about the internment camps, that seriously do not get spoken about enough.

Also him putting effort and making a genuine effort to work hard and bring up his grades with Devi and therefore bonding with her was really nice to see. I wouldn’t mind them being endgame but Devi does really work a lot better as his pushy Indian mom/best friend/tutor.  And Devi getting mad at him for him expecting him to hold his hand throughout really hit well. Was it deserved yeah. But Devi also did blow him off after promising him to study so his anger is justified there. I’m just kinda vibing with Paxton like coming up and taking a better interest in school and being a full 3D character. And that one scene where he gives the extra credit presentation and Trent high fives the man. Classic. 

Can I also just say, it’s kinda valid that Paxton didn’t want to date her in public. Is it a dick move...yeah? But he’s within his rights to ask and she’s within her rights to deny. And he didn’t press her once she said no, he went along with it. And what Devi pulled on him is awful, and speaking as someone who’s seen popular kid cliques. Reputation really is important. Like what Devi did made Paxton lose face, if he gets back with Devi he ain’t gonna have any respect left in him. And Paxton was pretty right in deciding to not date her publicly, like even in the end he knows that his reputation is shot for what he did. Do we even know if Paxton has friends that aren’t fixated on his social status? Because becoming a social pariah without having any support of friends is gonna hurt like a bitch. Lord knows how Paxton gonna deal with it. I think Trent might be his only homie after the social downfall he will inevitably face. 

I’m just gonna say, Paxton is my favourite now and I’m really rooting for him. Something I decidedly did not do last season. I’m happy Ms Kaling developed him so much and got me interested. 

3. Ben Gross

Ah. Ben. Ben’s not my faaavouriteee.......like he’s fine. But I don’t love him. I can definitely see him and Devi becoming an almost endgame couple though. Especially with S2 ending. 

Ben is fine and he’s pretty developed, especially with his episode in S1 and it was good he took a backseat this season and let everyone else star. I feel like he’ll come back strong next season though. 

Personally do I ship him with Devi? No. I’ve been in a friendship with the similar competitive dynamic as Ben and Devi. And it was terrible. We loved to argue and we got each other’s super brainy side as Devi puts it. But we pushed each other faar too much and even the small things became arguments and each pthers achievements became jealousy. So yeah....I don’t have too much faith in the dynamic due to personal bias, but I’d love to see how it gets handled. 

Also my brother Ben, PDA is a thing and it is common courtesy to refrain from it. Man’s really going at it with Aneesa half the time. But also the moment where Aneesa sort of choked on the presentation and Ben’s irritation at it gave me BAAAD vibes. It feels like while Devi can match him, they might push each other too far, 

4. Kamala 

I LOVE KAMALA. Girl is an ENTIRE vibe. My sweetheart, love of my life. I could go on. I really like her development as well and the banter between her and Nalini. The part where Nalini practically said she looked like a call girl and she was like ippadi potathaan velaila mariyaatha kidaikum. I legit had to pause, scream in laughter for a good few seconds. 

They had such a good story with her and wanting to fight against the fact that they took her work and didn’t credit her and everyone was telling her to like take it bowing. Prasanth’s advice unfortunately checked out to me, because I’ve been told that all my life. My dad says it a lot and I know he doesn’t say it cause’ he doesn’t believe in me, but he loves me and wants my life to be easier and for me to succeed and his experience is that he’s had to deal with things like this and fighting won’t help. So yeah, what Prasanth said did not rub me the wrong way at all and I agreed with it and I’m fairly disappointed about that. I get that she got nervous and had cold feet about marriage but I do hope she and Prasanth can work this out through communication. Because I really don’t feel like Prasanth is the bad guy here. It’s just a miscommunication. 

So yeah, a LOT of Kamala’s storyline continues to really hit me hard. 

5. Nalini Vishwakumar

Nalini really had so much more screentime to blossom. I love that she has a good relationship with Mohan’s amma. It’s wonderful and I love it. Also I was shocked to see the house in Chennai. Like this house...in Chennai. The Chennai I’m used to and the Chennai they are used to are different Chennai’s. Basically wealth gap is crazy as hell and I was lowkey highkey confused if the actually shot this shit in Chennai. But props to the directors for putting some proper Tamil vibes in there. Like the scene where they kaala thottu kumbudurathu (touch the elder’s feet) before they leave for the US is so real and so vibes. I like that they decided to bring paati back. I was like hoping for it.

Also they really went at developing Nalini’s character as a workaholic mom who doesn’t get her daughter. That’s also a really common thing in Indian households with one working parent so I’m happy they portrayed that. I’m happy Nalini actually has a life outside her family portrayed and is still such a typical mother that it hits HARD. I love Nalini and she really developed as a character dealing with grief from Mohan’s death, the wish to move on with Dr.Jackson but knowing that she isn’t ready yet. 

They gave her character a life and proper working outside Devi and it really has shown to develop her character and impact her relationship with Devi. The advice to “just say yes” works with cousins and younger siblings as well, I’ve heard it before and used it..and it saves so much time. Especially with small children. 

(A memory I have is of my younger cousin going on and on about a princess and a castle and fighting a dragon and the witches and so much fantasy shit and ended with do you wanna come? I just clocked off my CCA’s and I had no energy left to question it so I just went yeah sure. Easiest decision, and 10/10 advice. )

6. Aneesa

I’m not gonna lie. I was skeptical of Aneesa and I didn’t like how Devi saw her in the trailer. But Aneesa reminds me so much of me....and its killing me. 

Also the scene where she charms the hell out of Nalini and paati ma has literally happened to me before. Most of my Indian friends hate it..because I was raised with a lot more traditional manners with my grandparents so me and my siblings all are old fashioned which parents LOVE. And I really saw that Aneesa charming them and Devi also realizing, Damn none of my friends actually treat my family the way they should be treated, perks of having an Indian friend. 

Also the scene where she gets Devi out of trouble is so so real. Because if you have one responsible friend that you parents trust, you could lie the hell to them, get you homie to back you up and it will work. Personal experience. So yeah, Aneesa character resonated with me a lot.

I also like that she wasn’t just a popular 1D Indian girl but she was genuinely cool and actually had proper issues and development where she gets more open to Sherman Oaks and actually kinda properly rebels against Noor, with having Ben as a boyfriend. 

I feel like Aneesa has a lot more potential for growth, especially with the relationship with Ms Noor and Aneesa acting as a foil to Nalini and Devi’s. Also, I feel like Aneesa can grow within her social status at school as well and have Devi maturely handle it. Aneesa I feel will really really challenge Devi’s ability to be mature. 

7. Eleanor and Fabiola’s plotlines

Okay like actually, major props to Ms Kaling man. This show touches so so many teen issues in one goddamn show. Emotionally manipulative relationships. So SO good. A lot of newer age relationships have a much more subtle and dangerous line of abuse that’s hard to find out. Like honestly it took me a while to see it as well and I realized oh fuck. oh fuck...I see it it’s bad. They really got the essence of Eleanor’s flamboyance matching with Malcom? (is it Malcolm..fuck it it’s Malcolm now) his “suaveness” and traditionally charming tendency. It made sense and it’s very realistic how Eleanor got played like a damn fiddle. I also again feel that the make up was faar to quick but I really appreciate that Eleanor got her own storyline with her step-mom and understanding of relationships instead of the show hyperfocusing on just Devi. I respect that a lot.  Petition to get a Eleanor narration episode. 

Fabiola’s storyline also was well taken. It’s an interesting added layer to the queer experience and how queerness can be expected to be performative and but really its all about being more of yourself. The idea that queer people don’t owe nobody anything or have to perform an ideal version of queerness and Fabiola struggling with that kinda hit. The part where they talked about her mother learning to support them and being Cricket? Queen/King. Like being trailblazers for the POC community and the LGBTQ+ community having overlapping struggles. Again, I liked that Fabiola was getting more personal screentime and less of her story revolving around Devi’s. 

8. Everything else

I liked that there was more Tamil being casually thrown around. Like the Kamala vaadi to hold the suitcase down as they zipped it together was funny and relatable. The accents were really interesting because I promise you, I had no clue what they were saying sometimes. Nalini’s dialogues in Tamil were like immensely difficult to understand, and my Tamil is fluent. This isn’t a criticism... I’m fairly certain the difference is to do with the regional difference. American Tamil and Malaysian + rural Tamil slang are going to have huge accent differences so there’s no surprise that I found Nalini’s Tamil hard to understand. 

I’m really really really meh about the Kamala and Manish/Mr Kulkarni thing. I still think she should sort it out with Prasanth maybe but I’m open to seeing where it goes. I might change my mind with it. 

This show like any other show had its highs and lows. But I really really do feel that NHIE season 2 managed to truly figure out what the hell it wants to do and developed into a very strong and very entertaining show in terms of representation and diversity. I’m looking forward to season 3. 

[angst-king]

Misery love Company pt 5

(mention of vomit, and ablelist behavior

It  had been a week and a half since Katsuki had eaten a proper meal, or felt normal. His entire body had felt like it was burning but that wasn’t because he had a fever, oh no he was cold to the bone but his bones were hurting so bad. Moving hurt so much, moving also made him incredibly dizzy to the point where he collapsed once or twice. These dizzy spells were accompanied by nausea, chest pain, his heart feeling like it would explode from his chest, feeling very hot and then suddenly he’d drop. 

Today had been the last straw or well tonight was the last straw. Katsuki was miserable, laying in his bed unable to be comfortable at all with how sick he was. A trash can next to the side of his bed in case he got sick but. Even just moving to get sick into the trash can made Katsuki feel very faint. Like now, Massaru was helping Katsuki who was busy getting sick into the trash can for what felt like the millionth time this week which made Massaru wanna take Katsuki to the ER but. Katsuki had been brainwashed by Mitsuki into the idea that he just needed to sleep it off but. This time Mitsuki wasn’t home and Massaru was too anxious to care especially when he heard Katsuki gasping for breath, clutching his chest, and whimpering to the point of tears running down his flushed red, and pale pink face. Massaru had to hold Katsuki up when the other’s eyes went back and he went limp, he knew the other had fainted again but this time he listened to his gut. He quickly grabbed everything he needed, and pulled Katsuki out of bed and into his car, and left for the emergency room.

When he got there he carried Katsuki in and allowed them to whisk his son away. Of course they had to ask the usual questions as well as some other ones but other than that Massaru was left in the waiting room. That lonely sickeningly white walled waiting room. Massaru knew he needed to call Mitsuki even if he didn’t want to know how his wife would most likely react though a piece of him hoped she would have a shred of selflessness to get off of work to come and see him.  

Ever since Katsuki’s condition began to make an appearance Mitsuki hadn’t been reacting to this well. She’d been rather dismissive about Katsuki’s complaints of pain, and rather passive aggressive with her replies. Then when Katsuki started getting sicker and sicker she wouldn’t even be bothered to help him. It was as if that was a job completely beneath her. Telling Katsuki to stop being weak or lazy and that he could do it himself.. The frequent fainting spells weren’t helping, making it even more difficult for Katsuki to try and help himself. It finally got to the point where Katsuki could hardly sit up without needing to immediately lay back down because he was gonna pass out.  Mitsuki ignored everything and passed it off as puberty, being a wimp, growing, needing to take care of himself. All her words were laced with a coldness that made Katsuki feel so weak.

Making the decision, Massaru called his wife and told her what had happened and, to put it frankly, her response wasn’t very empathetic or motherly. “Ugh what the hell! I told you not to Massaru!” “i-I know dear but come on, the kid fainted again and he hasn’t been keeping down almost anything but gatorade, and he’s in pain.” “Katsuki is just weak Massaru, he just wants attention and is playing it up to get it!” Massaru was getting fed up with his wife’s protests and replied in an annoyed tone.“Mitsuki, our son couldn’t even sit up on his own without blacking out. I don’t care if you think he’s faking, if you truly loved and cared then you’d come over here.” He hung up before she could reply as he didn’t want to hear another word from her at the moment. Still alone in this waiting room, waiting for any information on his son’s condition was making the man anxious. It felt like hours, upon hours, but it had only been one hour but. Time in here seemed to feel like forever, it went by so slowly yet too quick at the same time.

Finally, a doctor walked over to him smiling. “Mr Bakugou?” Looking up he sees the woman coming over to him and he gives a sigh. “Yes?” He says as he stands up, the woman approaches him and starts. “We’ve got your son Katsuki, stabilized the best we could here. We did some testing after learning his symptoms and well, the results aren’t great…” The way the woman spoke, Massaru had a bad feeling from the start, but said nothing allowing the woman to go on. “Mr Massaru, let's sit.” She says, now he’s feeling more and more anxious about the possible news. Nodding he sits down in the chair he started in while she sat beside him turning to face him. “Your son could’ve died tonight if you didn’t bring him. He was that sick.” That made Massaru want to be sick himself, the feeling that if he waited a day or two longer, Katsuki could’ve died. Still Massaru didn’t know how the boy could’ve gotten so bad or what was wrong with him, so he asked. “Wh-what’s wrong with Katsuki?” His voice wasn’t very strong, it was strained with concern and fear. “Well your son is sick, and I don’t mean that he has the flu, he’s chronically ill.” It hadn’t hit him completely but hearing that his son was chronically hit him but. How could his son just suddenly fall ill like this though? Even with a chronic illness, shouldn’t this have appeared when he was younger? So he asked what he was thinking “shouldn’t this appear when he was younger?”  “Well some things probably did but they never manifested like this or he did and the doctors just dismissed it as something else.” Massaru couldn’t help but feel guilty, his son could’ve been suffering for years and this is how he finds out. Twiddling his thumbs unconsciously and asking “So what does he have?”

“Katsuki has H.E.D.S which is called Hypermobility Ehlers Danlos syndrome. This is a connective tissue disorder that allows your son to be very flexible and have very elastic yet very thin skin. Due to him being very flexible and having lots of collagen his joints are very loose which means he can easily dislocate things and have horrible body pain from it.” Taking this information Massaru had more questions. “How could this condition almost kill Katsuki? Or is there more to this than just horrible body pain?” “Well I’m glad you’re asking these questions because, yes there is more to this disorder. How I explain this is I call this the H.E.D.S expansion back because this disorder has the possibility to contain multiple other disorders and problems and. For Katsuki those other disorders seem to be POTS and Gastroparesis. Though gastroparesis is a theory I’m not totally solid on that one but it's a good possibility that he has it.” This was so much information coming at him at once but he wanted to know how these conditions would have ended Katsuki’s life. So Massaru asked for the doctor to explain the second ailment. “POTS stands for postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. Which is a heart condition in which standing or sitting up can cause the blood flow to pool away from Katsuki’s head and make him faint. It can also cause lightheaded-ness, chest pain, shortness of breath, anxiety, fast heart rate, tremors, nausea and vomiting. These symptoms can become very exaggerated during a flare up, which explains why his heart rate was so high but his blood pressure was low.” Massaru silently let everything sink in until he asked1

“so your theory about Gastroparesis? What is that exactly and why do you have a theory for this?” “Well Gastroparesis is a fancy word for stomach paralysis. It's when the nerve that controls the stomach’s contractions that move food from your stomach to your small intestine has stopped functioning or maybe the sphincter of his stomach to his small intestine won't open properly. So his body is digesting things way too slow which can cause lots of pain, bloating, nausea, the feeling of being constantly full or not hungry. SInce his body isn’t digesting his food correctly that means that he’s not absorbing any nutrients through what he eats by mouth….so if he does have gastroparesis they may have to find another way to provide him nutrition.” All of this was a lot for Massaru to grasp but he could also do his research but. Then he had another question. “So how are you guys going to treat my son, what are the plans?” “Well Mr Bakugou, I suggest that your son be transferred to a long stay facility because his condition is not good and we can’t do what a pediatric long stay hospital can do.”

That’s when he knew Katsuki’s world had officially turned upside down. Massaru couldn’t help but feel terrible. If he had waited any longer, if he’d listened to his wife, they may not have woken up the next morning to see Katsuki with a pulse. If he hadn’t listened to his own instincts Massaru would have never forgiven himself. Now his son was gonna have to be transferred to a long stay hospital and he knew Katsuki wasn’t gonna take this well at all. Still he wanted to see Katsuki and knew this information would be accepted better than it would coming from him than the doctor. “We can admit him, but can I see my son please?” “Sure, he should be waking up. He did faint on us when we had to get blood drawn and hooked him up to some IVs. Your son definitely has anxiety around needles, I can tell you that for sure.” She chuckles a little while standing up from her seat, Massaru follows suit and is led down the hallways to find Katsuki.

[entropy-game-dev]

Getting organised in 2021

Huh, me? No I mean you! You!

I'm sure many people are looking ahead to 2021, and, with the new year comes renewals of goals, habits, motivation and so forth. I'm not really about that, but I thought now would be an apt time to talk about what I've learnt over the past 2 years regarding project management and keeping motivated. 

Now, I want to preface this blog with my thoughts about the whole "productivity" thing. I make a huge, HUGE distinction between being productive at work and productive on your hobbies. The idea of productivity in the workplace can be used in a manipulative fashion, where one may work themselves to mental and physical exhaustion for the benefit of someone else. Considering most people reading this will probably be on a fixed wage (rather than commission-based), does it really make sense to push oneself harder without getting any immediate, tangible benefit from it?

So that’s my rant for the blog, I promise! Anyway, on the other hand we have productivity on your hobbies, which is a completely different matter. You get out exactly 100% of what you put into your hobby, and it'll benefit you in multiple ways. I don't think I need to sell this to you, as I'm sure most people, myself included, would love to be more productive on their own personal projects. In this blog, I'm going to be talking exclusively about this sort of productivity and how to improve it in a couple of different ways. Again, this is all stuff I've personally tried and tested, so while I am confident this approach will work for me, it may not necessarily work for you. But, you won't know until you try!! So if you're convinced and want to get motivated, read on!

I first want to talk about one's mindset, and then dive into the tools I use. The latter will provide a bit more context for the former, and in the end, the most powerful tool you have is your brain, so use it!

Training your brain

So, the biggest problem I find myself, and other people have, is how to tackle a project and starting a work session. One I start, I find it easy to get into the zone (and this comes back to the choice of tools that augment my workflow), so getting started and knowing what I'm doing is the main thing I have to tackle. 

On the broadest level, I work with a general plan that has been written up previously. This contains all the key points from start to finish, without worrying too much about the detail at this stage. There is some skill involved in identifying what constitutes a "key" point, but this all comes down to practice. For reference, if I estimate something will take a week or two to finish, that's a task. If something will take longer than that, it's more than likely several tasks, and rolling it up into one task will probably cause some decision paralysis. Anything smaller and your list will get too clogged up, and again, decision paralysis. Right, so that's your high level plan done. Cool, but not really going to help you on a day-to-day basis as this will be something to refer to between tasks.

Ok, so now you have a list of chronological tasks. Take the first one and start it. Oh, you don't know where to start? Don't worry, I'm with you. It's important to recognise the mental signs related to approaching a task. If I find myself hesitating or not looking forward to a particular task, it often means I haven't defined it well enough. That means breaking the task down into individual steps, until you're comfortable saying "yep, I can do this right now" with each dot point. Again, it'll take some practice (depending on your hobby) to visualise and write down each step, but it is definitely something that you get used to, and will save you so much time umming and aahing with your program of choice open, but not actually getting any work done. If you are finding that happens more often than not, it breaks your workflow and you can't get into the zone!

A few more general tips. It helps to be consistent with your work. Try to dedicate a regular time to your hobby and you'll find it a lot easier to get into the working mindset and the zone. Allow yourself some days off, but don't use the excuse of "not being motivated enough" as a reason to take time off. What would be better is, if you can't force yourself to, say, program, work on the art, or the sound, or design. But do it consistently! 

Be accountable as well. This means involving others as much as you can - as an example, say you want to discuss a design aspect with a friend and you'll find extra motivation to work on that aspect, and get it ready for someone else to read over. Just having that knowledge of another person looking at your work will bring it to a new level, trust me! You can also be held accountable to people you don't know! Part of the reason why I started this blog and my Twitter account was because I always have in the back of my mind while working, that it'll eventually make its way to my blog. 

Finally, if your hobby has one, make use of the community where possible - get involved and see if there are ready made templates or resources you can use. I know people like to do things without help, and I absolutely respect that, but I find that people have often gone through the same struggles as you, and will provide ways to make your life easier!

Tools of the trade

Ok so I've used a lot of different software and systems in my time, and by process of natural selection the ones that I still use today are the ones that have been most helpful for me! Here's a short list with both the specific thing I use, and in brackets, what I use it for. If you already use something similar that fill a similar role, then my suggestion is to stick with what you know:

ClickUp (Project management, checklists): This is where I keep a list of all my major tasks. You can have checklists nested in checklists which is amazing for planning, and can organise things into broad categories, and tons more. Any good project management software like Trello etc. should support this.

Google Drive (Cloud storage of other assets, easy sharing, MS office replacement): I use this to store anything that isn't code related, and to work on things simultaneously with other people. While this game is a mostly solo effort, I absolutely discuss and show a ton of stuff to my more experienced friends, who in turn provide very helpful feedback. It's much nicer and more organised than sending files through a messaging app or (heaven forbid) emails!

Bitbucket (Source control, cloud storage of code): If you code, you need this. I don't care how small your project is! Actually, smaller projects are better to learn from! Github is definitely used the most for source control, so if you like that more, use it!

Google Keep (Note taking, brain dumps): Ever had a genius idea right before bed? Same, and I use Google Keep to keep track of them. I could use Clickup in this instance but I find the app to be a bit clunky compared to Keep.

Notepad++ (Rapid notes, copypasting error messages): Notepad ++ is what I use mainly for copypasting error messages to look at later, but I also use it when I need to break down a sub-task down, or make a note to do something later without interrupting my flow. The fact that Notepad++ specificaly can have multiple tabs and will save your tabs automatically without you having to manually save it is amazing.

Good 'ol pen and paper (Scratchpad): For those REALLY hard problems that can't be solved in my head, I turn to pen and paper to get my thoughts organised. While I could use something like Notepad++, I find that being able to write and draw anywhere on the paper, and link things up with lines helps immensely to get a clear idea of things.

Summing up

Right, so, that's about it from me. If you have any questions or want me to elaborate on something I've mentioned here, feel free to leave a comment or an ask. In any case, I hope you’re feeling more motivated now, and all the best for your personal projects in 2021!

P.S. I've know I’ve been a bit quiet lately because I'm working on designing the five factions present in the demo - I can't reveal much lore about them (as those will be in logs you'll find in-game), but I will be showing off some more designs and gameplay mechanics in the near future, so look forward to it!

[funkymbtifiction]

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/millennials-burnout-generation-debt-work

Although it isn’t, I could swear this was written by me. I deeply relate to these issues and the descripted anxiety and paralysis when it comes to these “adult” tasks. Do you think it’s merely a generational problem or are these traits related to MBTI?

(I’m not a psychologist, so take everything I say at the end with a grain of salt. I love to read and think and ‘fix’ things, so I have lots of thoughts about this.)

This phenomenon is something I have thought about and discussed, whenever I heard accusations against millennials. The short answer is there’s no particular MBTI type that causes this feeling of inadequacy by comparison, but I would say social dominants and Enneagram 3s suffer from it the worst (I suspect the person who wrote the article is a social 3, since the emphasis is all on success, achievement, paying attention to their social media feeds, and trying to compete on that level).

There’s a lot to unpack in that article, so I’ll just hit a couple of things – the tendency to avoid unnecessary, small, unpleasant tasks is a simple lack of motivation, follow through, and even a level of personal irresponsibility. It’s also a facet of not possessing self-love, because a person should do unpleasant or boring things out of self-love (because doing this now will reduce the guilt and anxiety of leaving that package on the table for the next six months, because I am a person who keeps their commitments, because this thing simply needs doing, and it doesn’t matter if it’s boring or tedious or not). If you do something immediately, you no longer have to think about it, or feel anxiety about doing it. Rip the band-aid off and do the boring “adult” stuff, so it’s no longer looming over you.It doesn’t matter what you feel like doing. Just do it.

Okay, as to the entire mindset of the millennial generation… it comes from a lot of things. Parents that made a great deal of money gave the next generation expectations above and beyond what is feasible. The brutal truth is, most of our parents did not live in a five room house when they were 20, they had a crappy little apartment and barely made the rent. Yet for some reason we expect to get out of college, find a job that pays a hundred thousand a year, and buy that house—whether we can afford it or not. Things cost way more for us than they did for our parents, also—instead of 6 grand for a house, it’s 300,000 grand.

There is enormous social pressure to attend college, even though most jobs do not require it; this means the value of a degree is less, because everyone and their cousin now have the same degree. It used to be that trade schools were more the norm, or that you simply grew up working in your father’s business and assumed you were going to take it over from him at some point. Only a few people with specific ambitions went to college for a short amount of time, with an end result in mind, and it, again, cost less because fewer people were attending and driving up the prices. College is an extremely expensive place to “find out what you want to do,” instead of already knowing what you are going to do, and getting an education IF it is necessary for your career. (For the record, you can often get higher paying job obtaining trade skills such as working as an electrician or a plumber, with less cost and way less debt.) So most millennials come out of college with a hundred grand in student loan debts. They assume, because they grew up in a society that told them how special they were, that they can get an amazing job and make all this money and pay back their loans and buy that enormous house—but they are all competing for the same job everyone else wants.

Or they were raised thinking they were special, so the rules do not apply to them, and that their feelings matter. In a nutshell: they do not matter. Your boss will not care if you felt like coming to work or not. You will come in and do what you are paid to do, or you will get fired. It doesn’t matter if you feel like cleaning the cat box or not. You need to clean it, because your cat deserves a better life. It doesn’t matter if you feel like exercising or not. If you do not do it, you will gain weight and face a health problem later in life. Adulting is learning to do the things that need done, whether or not you feel like doing them.

Now, let’s think about the social networking component, because it is an enormous contributor to “the problem” this generation faces. Back before college became the norm, and before the internet was accessible to everyone, society on the whole lived a much smaller life. You grew up, you dated someone from high school, you worked weekends in a local store or business, you got a more permanent job, you got married. It was a no-brainer, because everyone did it, most people knew each other, and socializing was done in person, rather than online, through community gatherings, church groups, BBQ’s, and town events. You weren’t aware of all the things you “should” be doing, or could “own” or even the fun other people were having, and as a result, people did not over-think as much. The internet has opened up a thousand options and the millennial thinks they should carefully consider all of them, because they do not want to make the same ugly mistakes their parents made.

Most of their parents have had multiple marriages and maybe even several sets of kids with different partners. They experienced what all young people do—periods of debt and poverty. But they “lived” life, and the millennial is “not” living life—they are more cautious, more fearful of making a life-shattering mistake, and more fearful of experiencing pain, suffering, and loss of the lifestyle that many of them were privileged to have, which was comfort. Their parents provided everything they needed, and got them used to a certain standard of living, which raised their expectations about what they must earn to match it. Going without is not possible in their mind; they have to achieve more than their parents, at a younger age. But… instead of the 5 options their parents have, the millennial has 10,000. Who should I date and marry? Well, it could be the person next door… but what if I’m missing someone BETTER? Should I try online dating? Swipe through 8,000 people? How do I decide? Where should I get a job? Who should I work for? Should it be in this state or somewhere else? Can I find a job that pays me a lot but doesn’t eat up all my free time so I can have fun? Or will I feel trapped??

Less is more, and all our society has, is more – too many choices lead to what psychologists call “choice paralysis.” The point where someone doesn’t know what to choose, so they choose nothing. It can be as simple as deciding you want to watch something, logging on to Netflix, and seeing 250 possibilities, being unable to decide, and turning it off… or not knowing which of the 60 people to respond to on the dating site… or which of the 20 degrees you want… which causes people to shut down completely and avoid decisions altogether.

Faced with too high of and unreasonable expectations of their own self-importance and worth (brought on by the “everyone is a winner” culture), unfeasible standards that are much too lofty for partners (we don’t know how to just choose a person and tolerate their flaws, we want the RIGHT person, so we keep on looking endlessly at times, and don’t want to settle, leading millennials to being the generation who isn’t getting married young), incredible debt tied to college degrees and expenses, and choice paralysis on everything from our pizza toppings to Big Life Decisions… is it any wonder that we (I am one of you, just barely; I’m a bit older than most of you) don’t do anything?

There is a solution to this problem, though. Minimize your life. Make it real instead of abstract. Stop living it in your head, and do it in your body. How? Minimize your choices. Practice making them. Do the thing you don’t want to do, first, to teach yourself responsibility. Make your world smaller. Consider a smaller life with more freedom and free time in it. Cut social media down considerably. If Facebook tracking you, hording your information, and making a “file” on you troubles you, pull the plug. You are not missing anything. Consider what works better—an impersonal tweet or a conversation with a person in the flesh. Start by making small decisions, and lead into bigger ones. Learn to lower your expectation and set realistic ones. The odds are, the person you pick to be with isn’t any better or worse than if you tried out 50 other people. Living in a tiny apartment for 6 years is nothing to feel ashamed about, it’s how MOST PEOPLE start their life. Cut the things out of your schedule that you do not need, and focus on what matters. Family time should not be on your “to do” list. Watch Dave Ramsey videos on YouTube to learn how to budget your money. Get rid of the social media account that make you feel envious, or like your life should be “more” than it is. Most of the time, life is just life. It has tooth aches, bad tuna sandwiches, flat tires, and Christmases that aren’t as magical as you wanted them to be, and that’s… life. If you can’t tell the difference between Instagram “I took this photo 70 times to impress you and then airbrushed it” and “real life,” get rid of it altogether.

A lot of this anxiety and paralysis, we bring on ourselves. But we can also choose to do something good for ourselves, and … make decisions. Small ones that can lead to big changes.

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

just once, just fucking once I would like to have a reasonably productive long weekend instead of spending most of it too stuck in decision paralysis to actually do much of anything until I reach a point where I feel like I could very well break down crying because I’m too overwhelmed with everything I need to do but I still don’t actually do most of it because the decision paralysis is a huge part of what makes me so fucking overwhelmed in the first place

like. right now probably the most urgent thing is a semi-complicated Etsy commission that the buyer would ideally receive by Dec. 10, which probably means sending it Dec. 7 at the absolute latest. so I should be working on that, right? but it’s going to take a while so it’s a time commitment, especially because it seems kind of pointless to get out a lot of messy supplies to only work on it for a few minutes. and I need to order parts for a different order--well, at least that’s quick. I also really need to reapply thermal paste to my CPU as soon as I can because I think the fan’s getting louder and that can’t be good for anything in there, and theoretically it won’t be that hard, but realistically I’m sure it’s going to take a while and I have to look up a little info on how to do it, first--and it involves my PC being out of commission while I’m working on it, so that’s not something I can do halfway. and while my PC’s open I really need to replace my dead hard drive, which wouldn’t be that hard except I want to install the new one alongside the old one so I can try to clone the dead one onto the new one, which will definitely take time on both the hardware and software sides of things, but it needs to happen sooner rather than later because, again, there’s a lot of stuff I can’t do until I get that done. and I need to send the recent invoices for Hazy’s dental appointment to pet insurance to see if they’ll pay anything, and that should be quick, but nothing ever stays simple. and, shit, I should really do some actual work this weekend because I didn’t get enough done before...and I still need to decide what to do about the vision therapy thing now that it’s clear the best they can do for me is a payment plan for like 36 expensive appointments, ugh. and ah shit I signed up for Yuletide and I’ve done almost nothing, and that’s due...Dec. 17? fuck, that reminds me, I gotta go get a new notebook from my room because I just finished this one, I mean that’s quick and easy but it also means I now have two notebooks that mostly aren’t typed up, which is bad because I can’t do anything with the contents until they’re typed up and of course they’re not backed up (unless I put them in my fireproof safe, and then I’d never get them typed), and typing those is going to take forever, and yeah I’ve been meaning to make it easier on myself by just doing like 15 minutes a day but I haven’t done that at all and they really need to get typed--and, well, I could just do a 15-minute stint, sure, but that seems silly when there’s so much that needs to be done--and, ugh, I’ve sorta been ignoring my email for the last three days and I need to go through that because otherwise I’m guaranteed to miss something I won’t want to miss, but that takes time and it’s going to mean opening up more tabs when there are already too many tabs open (there are always too many tabs open) and I need to deal with those too, and a good share of the emails are probably about Black Friday sales that I’ll probably want to do but that means more tabs and more decisions and shit there’s all that stuff in my Etsy cart that I should really buy sooner rather than later because sometimes Etsy stuff disappears or sells out and then I’ll be sad and frustrated with myself and also some of the things I want to buy are for gifts, which reminds me that I have almost no Christmas gifts yet for anybody, and my birthday is soon so I should probably make some kind of list myself but actually why am I focusing on that at all when the Georgia runoff elections that determine Senate control are in barely more than a month and I need to be writing letters/postcards to voters since I don’t want to phonebank and time zones actually make it really impractical anyway? I was going to do that in a reasonable way this time too, just a few letters a day like I meant to before, use up a lot of these stamps and stuff I still have--and ah fuck it’s been a while since I’ve called my own legislators about anything, I need to do that, that’s theoretically quick because voicemails cut me off at two minutes, although to be able to do that I also have to do at least a little research so I know what’s the most important thing to call about and what to say so that’s more tabs and more time, and I still haven’t fucking reposted the tiny little Endgame fix-it fic I wrote at the end of August, let alone finished anything since then

and I would, on some level, like to work on one of the many, many writing projects that is theoretically close to being done, or one of the recent ones I started because I foolishly and incorrectly thought it was something I could bang out quickly

and on some level I would also like to work on more stuff for Etsy that could be pre-made so it’s not another stress point when I get orders, especially because several things are holiday-specific and some wouldn’t even take that long, but I’d still be choosing to do those instead of more urgent things

and none of that even begins to touch other stuff, like my room that continues to be a disaster and I need to sort through my shit so I know whether I can relist my most popular Etsy item (if I even want to, which I don’t right now because stress), not to mention all the stuff I need to clear out by listing on eBay, and I could do at least one part of that (flatten the boxes I’ve saved for shipping) without committing to a week-long project but even that part would take a solid chunk of time that I should be spending on something more urgent

and we can’t even put up the fucking tree until I move some of my shit away from the spot where the tree goes, which is tough because a lot of it is from work or otherwise theoretically temporary stuff that doesn’t have an actual home, so that’s going to take a while, and then putting up the tree is also going to take a while, and my room is already a disaster so I’d need to clean in there to make room, which would take forever, and for that matter my areas of the living room are generally a disaster too, as always

and while I’m thinking about stuff I brought from work, let’s go back to how I need to do some work stuff because I’m lucky enough to have a decent job with good insurance that can be done from home and I’m still just like...kiiiiiiinda endangering that by not being a functional adult in general? which is at least partly because my brain is a dumpster fire that doesn’t seem to be improving (which is something else to worry about) but regardless of the cause I still have to do something about it? oh yes and speaking of the good insurance I’m kinda endangering by being a fuckup, haha sure hope this knot under my jaw doesn’t turn out to be...you know, the type of bad thing that a knot under the jaw could turn out to be! which is another very good reason I need to stop being a fuckup so I’m not maybe endangering the job that would pay for that, along with all my other medical issues! and also the entirety of our rent because my mom’s really high-risk and the only available jobs she’s qualified for aren’t safe for her to do!

and my knee hurts! and my elbow hurts! and my neck fucking hurts, my head and neck always hurt and I think I’ve been sleeping even worse than usual lately, partly because neck pain and partly just my body fucking hates me, it’s always a problem and I don’t know what to do about it anymore

and now it’s after 8:30 pm and obviously I’ve done none of this, and I’m still tired, and my head and neck still hurt, and there are still so many things I need to do but I can’t choose because the time-consuming things are the urgent ones but I don’t have the time or energy for them and choosing a specific thing (an urgent time-consuming thing, or a less urgent but much quicker thing) means actively choosing not to do one of the other things, and it’s all important, and I can’t fucking choose, and I’m pretty much at a point where I can continue running ever more painful and crazy-making circles in my brain trying to make myself decide something or I can say “fuck it” and do something that would be fun but not urgent or important at all, which I shouldn’t do, so for fuck’s sake I should just pick even one productive thing to do and then maybe let myself do something fun and then get to bed at a good time for fucking once but I still can’t fucking choose and I want to either cry, scream, or possibly hurt myself, and none of this is healthy or productive

and I think possibly my therapist is getting impatient with me for not making much progress and not really having specific goals for our sessions aside from “I hate that my brain is Like This and I want it to not be Like This and no I haven’t done most of the things you’ve suggested and no I don’t have a good reason why, I just want the meds to work so everything won’t be so fucking hard and yes I know that wouldn’t be something you could control even if it was in your wheelhouse, which it isn’t, but I get overwhelmed so fast and I know I need to do better and be better but I don’t know how”

and I wrote this instead of actually doing anything, apparently, because there was at least some chance that dumping it all out would make me feel better or help me see more clearly what I actually need to do, but I think I actually made myself feel worse by articulating just how overwhelmed I am, mostly by things that objectively aren’t actually that difficult or important.

and I still can’t fucking choose.

[adhdpal]

TL;DR for my fellow ADHDers, the prefrontal cortex of our brains is in charge of many complex tasks, including memory, attention, judgement, behaviour and decision making. All of this affects the way we perceive time and how long something will take us to do,we can’t pay enough attention and remember well our surroundings making it easier to get lost, and when not making spur-of-the-moment decisions we can get stuck with decision paralysis. 

Just like with emotional dysregulation, there’s a few more things that get accentuated with ADHD, and these particular 3 exist because of our biology, more specifically in the prefrontal cortex of our brains.

Here we can see three issues; problems with perception of time, sense of direction and choice making.

What’s the prefrontal cortex?

Our brains are divided in different parts, and the prefrontal cortex (PFC) is the brain cortex covering the frontal lobe, which is closest to our foreheads.

This part of the brain is, in short, a very complex and intricate machine in our heads that is responsible for monitoring memory, perception, judgment, behaviour, and other cognitive processes.

And, according to studies in imaging systems, on ADHD brains this part has a weaker activation than in neurotypical brains. This means it doesn’t work as nicely as it would for others, and that leaves us with some issues.

So, about time perception...

Have you ever heard of something called time blindness? As people get older, they develop a sense of time, so if they go out to fill out a tub it probably won’t overflow because they know how long it takes to do that. But for people with ADHD this is not true.

I’m sure some of you have seen a task that takes a week to complete and thought “yeah, there’s 3 days left, I got this!”, or have gotten overwhelmed because there’s no way you have enough time to finish up that one task… that it may take you only 3 hours.

This is not only because of how we experience time, but also a judgement issue, and as we know both of them are a responsibility of the PFC. This means we struggle to monitor how long we take to do something, and also struggle to predict how long will take us to do something.

Our emotions also play a role in this since it’s also regulated by the PFC, for example when we’re used to being late because we can’t sense time passing by, we become anxious about meetings, getting to places up to 3 hours early. When this happens, for our brains there are two thoughts, the time that will take us to get there and the negative emotions that will come if we get late. And sadly the last message is the strongest.

What about my sense of direction?

YES! This also gets affected by ADHD, why? You may ask. This happens because of poor working memory AND attention.

We all know that with ADHD we struggle controlling our attention, this is also one of the PFC’s tasks, alongside with memory. These two are important because our sense of direction completely depends on our memories of the place we’re at, and if we don’t pay enough attention to our surroundings it’s hard to form a memory of the place.

I have a personal example, when I was in school I took the subway and bus on my way back home, it took all I had to pay enough attention to the streets through the window to learn the way so I could stop using my GPS to know where my stop was. After some months of practice, I finally managed to remember the streets. A win for me! … Or so I thought, because next year the store that was my reference to get up and press the button to get off changed their design and I completely missed it.

Luckily I got off the bus only 2 stops after mine (luckily because… it has been worse).

It’s important to make a distinction here though. When it’s only ADHD, we get lost for not paying attention and not remembering places, but there’s other conditions that could impair our sense of direction, like dyslexia (makes you confuse left and right) or dyspraxia (affects physical coordination).

And finally! Indecisiveness

We’re almost there! I commend you for getting this far!

Our last point to cover now is indecisiveness, as we said before, the PFC is in charge of judgement, behaviour and decision-making, and when they don’t work well, it’s hard to make decisions.

Just as we can impulsively make decisions or choose something without much thinking (thanks to our PFC not regulating well our behaviour), we can go the other way around and get stuck trying to choose something.

Will the chocolate milk be better for this cookie than plain milk? But what if I get chocochip cookies instead of vanilla cookies? But is this brand better than that brand? When we find there’s a lot of options and there’s not really enough pressure to get high on adrenaline while making a fast choice, sometimes we get “decision paralysis”. We keep on thinking and never make a choice because of the overflowing information.

You did it! Thank you for reading! And remember, I’m not a medical professional, I just have ADHD and love to read on it.

Sources

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2894421/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2738354/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4830363/  https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-brain-prefrontal-cortex-attention-emotions/ https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/livingwithadultadhd/2017/10/is-your-poor-sense-of-direction-a-symptom-of-adhd

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi MBTI-Notes, I have followed you for a few years and consider you to be incredibly knowledgable. I recently finished a program to become an MBTI profiler for an organization and summarily got involved with a number of other profilers with whom I discuss jungian theory with on a regular basis. Recently, we’ve been recording a profiling session here and there, with the client’s permission of course, and using the videos as discussion materials to sharpen our understanding and commingle ideas etc.

Recently, I had someone important in my life request to be typed. I was relieved, because for the life of me I cannot determine a best-fit type for this person that seems to settle 100%. He first typed as ENFP via one of the online tests, but he seems to use more Se than Ne. For example, last week we were discussing possibilities for his future because he’s feeling very stuck and he couldn’t stop getting up to handle other things in the midst of it.

Avoidance is a very common psychological defense mechanism - not very type specific.

It can never wait - any problem that comes along needs to be solved in the present, and everything else comes after. Half the time we’ll be in these discussions and he’ll have one distraction lead to another distraction and the next thing you know, he’s sitting at the piano tinkering while I’ve been waiting in the living room for his return. It’s not until he waltzes in completely oblivious that he even remembers we were talking. I attribute this to the sense of existing primarily in the present physically with Se.

You're saying that he's easily distracted because he's so present? That’s illogical. Being impatient, fidgety, or avoidant is often a sign of anxiety, among many other possibilities that you haven’t considered. Anxiety is not very indicative of type unless you can successfully link it to a function, which you haven't. To play devil’s advocate, it could be that he always has to be “doing” something to distract from what he is feeling, which is actually more indicative of Te than Se.

He is very VERY good at quickly figuring out (or instinctively knows) how to do hands-on things. We cohabitated for a few years and he did all the maintenance he didn’t trust the repair man with, and most the time did a fantastic job even though he had little to no training. He is very in tune with his surroundings...he prides himself on his good record with driving because he knows how to speed and can see cops a mile away,and he’s not wrong in his confidence there. He’ll see the slightest glint off a cop car decal from his headlights and reacts so immediately that I usually have to ask him why he did it. I won’t see the concealed cop car until we’re right next to it. It doesn’t even cross his mind to communicate why he does these things - which also feels very Se to me. I have very little to offer in terms of evidence for Ne.

Being able to learn quickly is a function of intelligence level, not type. Being observant is something anyone can choose to do if the stakes are high enough, stakes like wanting to avoid a hefty fine. This evidence is weak. You’re going to need more than that if you’re arguing the dominant function. 

Further, I have witnessed strong Fi in him since I’ve known him. He is very principled, and often chooses to do the things he believes are right even if they don’t jive with the social standard. He takes a long time to process his own emotions and will outright say that he likes to help other people because he strongly believes that every single person deserves to be treated with kindness, even if they themselves are not necessarily a “good person”. He does a very good job of accepting people no matter where they are and will often excuse (or “understand”, as he puts it) their toxic behavior by pointing out that he also has negative traits and so do it. To me, that feels a very Fi statement. He is also into music as a form of self expression and has been playing his main instrument for the majority of his life.

You say that he's very principled in his beliefs yet he's willing to excuse people's bad behavior? There’s some contradiction there. Doesn't a principled person advocate strongly for their beliefs and try to fix what is bad? Any human being with good moral development likes to help people and believes that everyone should be treated with kindness. Fi does not have a monopoly on morality. Why are FJs often considered the kindest people around then? Moral development is a separate issue. People of all types enjoy playing music and expressing themselves through music. None of these things count as definitive proof of Fi.

I have waffled between ESFP and ISFP and had settled on ISFP because I see strong evidence of Fi-Ni looping on a regular basis and he has a huuuuge amount of insecurity around his inability to get things done to the same extent I can (ENTJ). When he is looping I have given him advice that would put him into an Se space and that has always seemed to be a magic elixir of sorts and immediately brightens him up.

Insecurity is not a defining characteristic of Fi-Ni loop. You’ll have to explain why you think that. Insecurity about competence is usually a sign of a lower T function, so, F. Insecurity specifically about being unable to plan/organize/implement effectively is usually a sign of low Te. You’ll have to explain "Se space". I'm not going to take your word that what you think is Se is actually Se, given what you said about it above.

However, the person that profiled him came up with ENFJ. Her argument for Fe dom was that he was constantly talking about how he chose teaching as a career path to “help underrepresented students” and how he always seems to be worried about how other people feel about his decisions. My response is that I thought Fi might be worried about this because outside disagreement with an internalized value would lead to painful cognitive dissonance. He also mentions consistently that his menthod of helping others is to call the emotion up in himself from prior experience and use that as a guide for what he’ll say. The profiler said “That just sounds like a roundabout way of saying he’s using Fe”. It seems to me that an Fe under would not have such an archive of emotions in their arsenal to call upon and are more immediate with it. Perhaps they would be more likely to say “I just know how others are feeling - I can sense it” I’m curious on your take of this.

You seem to be implying that Fe types don't have their own feelings and emotions? Being F, by definition, is enough to have a deep reservoir of knowledge about feelings and emotions. The fact that someone has to "call up an emotion" as opposed to having direct and immediate access to it seems more indicative of Fe distance than Fi proximity to feelings. However, being confronted with an emotion/experience that one is not familiar with would lead most people to try to call up a similar past experience in an effort to understand. This is called perspective taking and most people are capable of it. Empathetic people are naturals at perspective taking and human empathy is not type specific, though Fs tend to value it more as an important ability to have.

As for the rationale for Ni aux, she noted he mentioned a lot of discussion about the future and the implications of his actions. As someone who knows him a little better, he actually does this most often when he’s in “analysis paralysis” which I attribute to a Fi-Ni loop. I happen to think he’s just been looping for a long time and been too worried about the future.

Analysis paralysis is not a defining characteristic of Fi-Ni loop. You’ll have to explain why you think that. Nobody likes to think of their future as doomed, so anyone can be concerned about the future at some point in their life. You fail to ascertain, in detail, the true source, cause, and extent of the worry. If worrying about the future is a “chronic” condition, meaning that it is their primary psychological preoccupation, then it's more likely that Ni is high rather than low in the stack. If you’re going to claim that someone has been in loop/grip, very unnatural states, for years and years, then you’d better provide a proper explanation as to why their personality is so distorted. Too often, people just use loop and grip to twist the facts into fitting their hypothesis, without understanding what loop and grip actually are.

Hope I have given enough information - looking perhaps for your take on this and maybe some clarification for my own good in the case I have some wrong ideas about the more subtle differences between Fe and Fi or have misattributed a behavior or motivation to a specific cognitive function. Look forward to hearing back. Thanks!

I hope that I have not sounded too harsh. Since you are soliciting my opinion for the sake of clarification, my comments must take the form of critique. As far as I can tell, you have not gathered the right information to prove which functions he uses. It looks like your knowledge of the functions doesn't rise very far above the usual stereotypes, particularly with respect to Fe and Se, which contributes to the problem of picking out the wrong information. It seems that you do a lot of inferring/speculating about what his behaviors mean, as opposed to asking him directly for the meaning. It also seems that you like to stretch the details to fit the functions you want, as opposed to gathering a lot of facts and looking objectively at what function shapes they take. I suppose you could say that your type assessment process is a bit backwards. Very little of what you’ve described constitutes a truly enduring trend/pattern of personality. From the information you've provided, I am not able to confidently conclude anything other than F. If you put a gun to my head and forced me to choose between N or S, I’d go with N. 

[illfoandillfie]

Hi! May I please get a creative block reading with your movie tarot deck? My initials are mmc if that helps. Please and thank you. You’re honestly so incredibly amazing for offering readings.

of course darling!! I hope this helps!

Tarot: 8 of coins, temperance, knight of cups, four of wands, the hierophant, 5 of wands

Okay so there are 2 things we look at in a creative block reading – the internal and the external – because both can influence creative energy in different ways. You may feel that one resonates more than the other or it could be a mix of both. Just take whatever makes most sense to you.  

So let’s start with the internal stuff. The 8 of wands in this reading represents internal difficulties that keeping you from creating. It relates to apprenticeship and passion and, notably, high standards. I think it’s possible that you’re expecting perfection from yourself and get frustrated when things don’t turn out the way you were picturing. High standards can be good! But they should be something to work towards that makes you edit and rewrite paragraphs or makes you redraw that one thing over and over until it’s muscle memory. High standards can inspire passion and ambition and skill but they can also get in the way of all those things.  

Temperance is what you need to change in your attitude so you can get back to a more creative headspace. It’s a card of patience and moderation. You need to balance out those high standards. Be patient with yourself when things don’t immediately go the way you planned. Take a breath, remind yourself that it’s still a work in progress and that you can change things later, and stop beating yourself up. Manage your expectations of yourself so you can get back to a place where those high standards push you to try more and to improve your skills rather than frustrating you and make you stop altogether.  

Next we have the external difficulties that are keeping you from creating. The 4 of wands symbolises community, home and celebration. It could be that something about your home life is getting in the way of your creating – maybe your favourite room to create in needs a tidy, maybe you find that every time you sit down with the intention of making something new someone interrupts you. It could be that you thrive under pressure and things are just too peaceful at the moment and it’s not sparking that creative energy. Or maybe it’s the opposite, maybe you’ve been too busy or someone has disturbed your routine (my first thought was builders coming through to fix something and changing the feeling of your usual creative space). Whatever it is it has something to do with your home life.  

The Hierophant tells us what you can physically or practically do to change this. This card relates to tradition and conformity so it may be that you need to reorganise or re-establish your “creative space” – tidy off your desk, organise your tools, make sure it feels comfortable and inspiring. It could also be a case of breaking tradition – if you usually create inside maybe try going and sitting outside in the fresh air instead, or if you usually sit on your bed try moving to a desk or the floor instead. Shake things up a bit! The Hierophant also relates to rituals and ceremonies so it could be that by creating a ritual for yourself you can more easily slip into the creative mindset and warn people that you’ll be busy without telling them – get yourself a drink or a snack, set your laptop up, light a candle, put on a favourite album, whatever helps you transition from regular thinking and your everyday brain to the mindset you need to create.  

This leaves us with two cards – the knight of cups and the 5 of wands – which represent the lesson to take away from this creative block as well as any extra advice the deck wants to share. So the knight of cups is about following the heart. He’s a card of imagination, a little bit idealistic and romantic. He’s in touch with his emotions and his intuition and uses them for his own wellbeing. He’s telling you that the lesson to take from this is to reconnect with yourself. Use this as a time to reflect on what you enjoy about creating and why, and what you need from your environment to feel comfortable creating in it. Figuring out the background whys and hows can make you more receptive to creative ideas.  

Finally the 5 of wands. This is a card of conflict and competition. It’s advising you that conflict isn’t always bad. It could be a friendly rivalry that pushes you to do better or, like the high standards I mentioned earlier, it could be an inner conflict between what your mind imagines and what your hand actually makes. Don’t let the idea of conflict hold you back. New opportunities rise from battles. Learn from whatever conflict arises – do you need to communicate your needs better so others don’t interrupt as much? Do you need to spend time practicing a particular skill so you can improve and eventually produce those amazing things you think of? Accept whatever conflict appears and use it to drive you forward.  

So I pulled a few different oracles for you. 

First up is a card from the artist oracles - Charles & Ray Eames. This card offers three pieces of advice - one for life, one for work, and one for inspiration - you may find that all of them are relevant or that only one of them is. Take whatever resonates most! 

Design your days - don’t plan them / Aspire to profound practicality /Be unbending in your flexibility.

I really like that last one, especially in connection with the cards that talk about the external blocks. This card is encouraging you to be a little more flexible with how you create so try some new things and see what works!

Your literary witch is Charlotte Perkins Gilman. She represents freedom, oppression and the systems at work. I think the dichotomy between freedom and oppression connects strongly with the internal/mental blocks. It definitely speaks of needing to free yourself from something - negative/overly critical thought or a rigid idea of what you want to make, etc. It could also relate to the external side too with that “systems at work” bit. Perhaps there is something in your current system that is holding you back. 

I also pulled 3 cards from my new sacred creators oracle deck. Creator Alchemy / Feed Your Artist / Over-Thinking Can Spoil The Magic 

Creator Alchemy - This card says that you are a powerful alchemist and you’re ready to transform the ingredients of your life and make gold. It suggests that there is a need for focused determination in order to get out of the creative block you find yourself in. I see it connecting with the external side of the reading because it talks of the minutiae that anchors you down like day to day home life and regular responsibilities. It does also suggest that you could be dealing with too many different ideas or projects at the same time but i think that’s secondary to the other parts. 

Feed Your Artist - This one 100% ties into those internal block cards. It speaks of self-judgement being a problem, especially in regards to harsh expectations. And it suggests some down time could be a way to break out of that headspace and, like the knight of cups, also that there’s a need to reconnect to your creative joy. 

Over-Thinking - This is the first card in this deck which I think goes to show how common of a problem this is lmao It says that analysis-paralysis or the fear of making the wrong decision is part of whats holding you back. It’s causing doubts in your own abilities which means your worrying about the outcome before you’ve even really begun. It could manifest as obsessive planning or perfectionism. You need to switch to a more positive mindset and trust that you are capable of making something good, something people will enjoy.

And finally, I also got you a Frida Kahlo card which will hopefully be of some inspiration. It says:

Breathe deeper, extend your breath and listen to your heart. Create a life from here. 

[heartlesslywhumping]

Head injuries: A rundown for whumpers

Part One

I recently got an ask pertaining to certain injures that trauma to the head may cause. I’m working on answering that one in specific details (it’ll go up after this series) but as it was getting quite long, I decided to post this first with more information.

This isn’t necessarily what I could call a “gory” post but it does go into some brief detail around medical things and anatomy. There are no pictures or anything but proceed at your own discretion.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, do not look to this post for professional advice or treatment. Occasionally I consult with my EMR certified friends and family but the majority of the information I am sharing has been gathered from going down Google rabbit holes. Most of my research came from authorized medical websites but the internet is the internet. All of this will be lovely for creative purposes but not for real life application

Boredom Disclaimer: This is probably going to be suuuuper dry and boring. I try to keep it short and relevant but who knows how well I actually do there.

First in the series are the big boys, the TBIs everyone!

What is a TBI? A TBI is a Traumatic Brain Injury, which comes from physical trauma to the head. However, not all blows to head produce the same things. Some are minor, some are deadly, and some have long lasting effects.

Types of TBIs and descriptions.

Concussions

A concussion is the most common type of TBI. It occurs when the impact on the head is severe enough to cause brain injury. It can be caused by direct blows to the head, gunshot wounds, violent shaking of the head, force from a whiplash type injury, etc. It’s thought to be the result of the brain hitting against the hard walls of the skull.

Generally speaking, the loss of function associated with a concussion is temporary. However, repeated concussions can eventually lead to permanent damage that may permanently change mood, behavior, and brain function.

Signs of concussion include the following:

Disorientation

Vomiting

Headache

Fatigue

Nausea

Temporary loss of consciousness

Confusion or feeling as if in a fog

Ringing in the ears

Slurred speech

Sleep disturbances

Concentration or memory problems

Irritability and other personality change

Brain Contusions

A contusion is a bruise under the skin. If a brain contusion does not stop bleeding on its own, or is especially large, it may need to be surgically removed. 

The extent of damage associated with a brain contusion depends on the size of the bleed, the length of time it lasts, the effects of surgery, and the location of the injury.

Generally this shows up after a serious head injury/loss of consciousness. Victims often wake up confused, tired, agitated, or emotional. Severe contusions can lead to brain swelling within 48-72 hours.

Symptoms of brain contusions may include:

Memory loss

Attention problems

Emotional disturbances

Difficulty with motor coordination

Numbness

Loss of ability to understand or express speech

Diffuse Axonal Injury

A diffuse axonal injury (DAI) is an injury to the brain that doesn’t cause bleeding but does damage the brain cells.  With a DAI, the head jerks about so violently that the brain stem cannot keep up, causing tears in the connections of the brain. A DAI can be caused by shaking or strong rotation of the head, as with Shaken Baby Syndrome, or by rotational forces, such as with a car accident. Extensive tears can cause brain chemicals to be released, causing additional injury. The tearing of the nerve tissue disrupts the brain’s regular communication and chemical processes.

This disturbance in the brain can produce temporary or permanent widespread brain damage, coma, or death.

The damage to the brain cells results in them not being able to function. It can also result in swelling, causing more damage. Though it isn’t as outwardly visible as other forms of brain injury, a DAI is one of the most dangerous types of head injuries. Victims will likely need intensive rehabilitation after receiving this (but what whumpee doesn’t need that?)

Symptoms include 

disorientation or confusion

headache

nausea or vomiting

drowsiness or fatigue

trouble sleeping

sleeping longer than normal

loss of balance or dizziness

Second Impact Syndrome

A second impact before the first is fully healed is more likely to cause severe brain damage than a first, even if the victim does not lose consciousness. However, loss of consciousness after the initial injury followed by secondary brain damage enhances the vulnerability of the brain, greatly increasing the risk of death, even if the second injury was far less intense.

Second impact injury can result within a matter of days or weeks, or it can occur within a few hours if the victim isn’t removed and treated after the first concussion. Neither impact has to be severe for second impact syndrome to occur. Symptoms usually occur immediately following the second impact and progress rapidly.

Common symptoms include:

Dilated pupils

Loss of eye movement

Unconsciousness

Respiratory failure

Death

Coup-Contrecoup Brain Injury

A "coup" injury is the initial site of impact. For example, if you were in a car accident and struck your head on the steering wheel, you might have a "coup" brain injury near the location of the forehead.

A contrecoup injury happens at the opposite side of the site of injury, so if you struck your forehead, the brain injury would be at the back of the brain. This happens because the brain is the consistency of firm pudding, moves within the skull. The initial impact on the forehead causes the first injury, but the movement of the brain within the skull causes the second impact against the back of the skull.

Together, these injuries are called a coup contrecoup injury, indicating that both injuries are present. There does not have to be an impact to cause either the coup or contrecoup injuries. Shaken babies, for example, can have these injuries even if the head is never struck by another object. The movement of the brain within the skull is enough to cause the injuries.

Symptoms include

Trouble swallowing

Muscle weakness,

Paralysis, and/or sensory changes.

Problems with decision making, speaking, and language comprehension.

Loss of consciousness

Coma

Confusion

Headache

Seizures

Dizziness

A loss of balance and coordination

Fatigue

Nausea or vomiting

Memory problems

Mood issues, including depression, agitation, or anxiety

Blurred vision

A ringing in the ears

Sensitivity to light and noise

Slurred speech

Penetrating Injury

A penetrating injury occurs when an object penetrates the skull and brain - such as the impact of a bullet, knife or other sharp object - that forces hair, skin, bones and fragments from the object into the brain.

These injuries can be fatal if not promptly treated, because they often cause severe bleeding, blood clots, disrupted oxygen supply to various brain regions, and other immediate side effects.

Removing the object that penetrated the skull may worsen the bleeding or further damage the brain, so never remove an object lodged in the skull.

Objects traveling at a low rate of speed through the skull and brain can ricochet within the skull, which widens the area of damage.

A “through-and-through” injury occurs if an object enters the skull, goes through the brain, and exits the skull. Through-and-through traumatic brain injuries include the effects of penetration injuries, plus additional shearing, stretching and rupture of brain tissue.

The devastating traumatic brain injuries caused by bullet wounds result in a 91% firearm-related death rate overall.

People who survive penetrating injuries may need repeated brain surgeries, high doses of antibiotics, and an assortment of therapies designed to restore function. Ultimately, the degree of disability and the prognosis depends on the location of the injury, its severity, whether there was a brain bleed, and similar factors.

I don’t think this one really needs a symptom list 😂

[thessalian]

Thess vs TTRPG Tips

One thing I’ve had occasion to notice as regards my players is that they get really invested. Which is great, don’t get me wrong! The problem comes at times that ... well, sometimes for reasons largely out of their control, some people get so invested that it seeps into what they’re doing a little more than it necessarily needs to. By which I mean, they get very into the emotion and everything else goes by the wayside. That’s an issue in an interactive medium with no real visual component - their characters are seeing things but that kind of got forgotten in the reaction to what’s actually happening, both to them and elsewhere.

Thus, I thought it might be a good idea to have a quick look over what I’ve seen in the more ... hardcore and tense sessions I’ve run and do a quick bit of advice to players when ... well, when flail happens.

The key question, and one that should be asked whenever a course of action needs to be decided: “What do I see?” Seriously, this is the big question because if a DM’s going to give you avenues for potential courses of action, it’s going to be in the description. It’s unfeasible to ask everyone to remember every detail - hell, it’s unfeasible to ask a DM to describe every detail in a base description of the area (particularly when players have a tendency to interrupt in the middle of descriptive commentary from the DM, ahem ahem) - so asking for a refresher when a course of action needs to be decided is a good thing. It helps if, for example, you’ve got so excited about what’s going on elsewhere in the scene that you’ve forgotten that the room you’re in has a window.

As a note: Wait until the DM’s finished talking before asking questions. It can be difficult, I imagine, particularly if you’re one who tends to miss cues that the DM has simply paused in their description for a second to check notes, grope for a word, etc - things are exciting, you want things to move fast because of that, and again, the cues have been missed. Still, it’s important to try. If you listen to the DM when they make the initial description, you might catch what you need to proceed anyway. This particularly goes when you want a specific piece of information - you may want a specific piece of information, but it’s polite to wait until the DM gives it to you (or fails to and obliges you to ask) on their own before interrupting to ask questions. Interrupting a DM is how details get missed.

All of that said: Avoid decision paralysis. There are generally a lot of actions one could conceivably take, and at the end of the day there is never going to be a ‘perfect’ solution - no foolproof, guaranteed successful and damage-free solutions exist in D&D. There’s always a chance it’s going to go wrong. At the end of the day, risk happens, and the best way I’ve heard it said was “Commit to the bit” - which means do what would make sense in character. If your character would take a risk to see something succeed, do it, and be damned to the consequences. If your character has a particularly low Wisdom, just do whatever, because stupid life choices is a big part of low Wisdom scores.

Also, particularly if your character has a high Wisdom score that you’re afraid of not living up to: Ask for a Wisdom check for advice. It could go badly wrong, sure, but at least it avoids decision paralysis, and if it goes well, you get a bit of advice that your character would have spotted but you, for whatever reason, might not have.

At the end of the day, it comes down to this: The DM is not your enemy. This isn’t a DM versus Player game (unless it is, at which point you at least know that going in). This is collaborative storytelling. Your DM is going to challenge you, sure, but it’s not in the DM’s interest to cripple you with a lack of information. The story can’t continue if you’re stuck on a point of detail, and it’s their job to make sure you get that information. Just be sensible about how you ask for that information, and all’s good.

And finally: Damage isn’t the end of the world. Seriously, sometimes, someone’s going to have to take a hit. Sometimes that’s a tactical necessity for the greater goal to succeed. Just look at the situation and decide where the tactical benefit is greatest. Also, there’s an out of character thought to that one: don’t leave a fellow player character out of action - unconscious, restrained or otherwise helpless - longer than you have to from a tactical perspective. From a character standpoint, greater numbers helps the odds. From a player perspective, it spares frustration later on.

[ferretfreedomfighters]

⁣JUSTICE FOR SITKA - A Marshall Ferret Story

❌⁣ ❌⁣ Marshall Ferrets is the leading ferret mill in North America. They supply most of the pet stores in the USA with ferrets and pet stores across all of North America with ferret supplies. Marshall Ferrets is first and foremost a ferret mill. Ferret mills force female ferrets to breed out of season by injecting them with hormones, take their babies away from them when they are far too young, and over breed their females in order to meet the supply and demand needs put forth by their customers. Along with this, Marshall Ferret’s products are absolutely awful for ferrets: their malt paste and treats contains harmful sugars and carcinogens, their ferret kibble is essentially McDonalds for ferrets, and their toys are easily destroyed which creates choking and blockage hazards.

But, capitalism persists. This company rakes in millions of dollars every year, and they won’t stop until the money stops coming in. Please consider boycotting Marshalls and not purchasing any ferrets from pet stores, or buying any products that come from this terrible and unethical company. ❌⁣ ❌⁣

Here is Sitka’s story:

“This story is not easy for me to tell, I will.

For Sitka.

I bought Sitka from Petco on March 2nd, 2019. I knew nothing of Marshall Farms and their unethical and inhumane handling and breeding of ferrets. All I knew was that I had spent two years dreaming of owning a ferret and was finally ready to bring one into my heart and home. As soon as I saw Sitka, I knew he was the one. But looking back now, Sitka was way too young to have been in that display case, open for just anyone to purchase. He should have still been with his mother and siblings for at least four more weeks. Sadly, this is the case for all ferrets sold by Marshall Farms. While they claim the kits leave their farm at 8-9 weeks of age, I, along with many others, believe this is not the case and that most of the kits are ripped away from their mothers earlier than claimed.

Once I got Sitka home, I immediately noticed that he was scratching vigorously at his hears. During his first vet visit, the veterinarian confirmed that he had an ear mite infestation and an infection in one of his ears. Again this is the case for many ferrets purchased from Marshall Farms due to the poor and unhygienic living spaces. 

Although I wasn’t the perfect ferret owner while I had Sitka, I feel like I could do a lot right now. I never fed any of the pastes, supplements, or treats made by Marshalls. I switched him to a much better kibble than Marshall’s and used a water bowl instead of a bottle. I only used oatmeal to bathe him and gave him 24/7 free roam in my room. Sitka and I were inseparable. Wherever I was, he was. There were even more mornings that I woke up and found him sleeping in the bed with my pillow.

It saddens me knowing that Sitka never had another ferret to play with and while I know humans can never replace ferret companionship, I made sure that Sitka was stimulated every day and had hours of playtime with me. And trust me, we played hard.

Flash forward 6 months lager, we had just moved into a new apartment, and I started to notice that Sitka was sleeping longer and longer. At first, I thought it was because he was stressed from the move, but then I noticed that his hind legs began to wobble and move with difficulty. I scheduled a vet appointment and took him as soon as I could the vet found that he was running a high fever and was dehydrated. She gave him some fluids subcutaneously and prescribed me with Metronidazole which is an antibiotic used to treat many infections.

I gave Sitka the Metronidozole every 12 hours for a week, but I saw no improvement. Instead, Sitka’s condition got even worse. he was extremely lethargic and his hind legs had given out almost completely. The only time he would move was to go potty, but he would only make it a couple of inches before he’d give up and relieve himself where he was. During this entire week, I was also syringe feeding and watering him since he would not eat or drink on his own. I took him to the vet again. He had lost some weight despite my efforts to keep him fed. His fever was still present, and now his head tilted to one side permanently. This time we had blood work, x-rays, and an IV done. While palpating his stomach, the vet also felt a mass in his midsection. Since there were no overnight veterinary hospitals in my city, I had to take Sitka home with me. Every hour or two for days, I would inject fluids into Sitka’s IV. I was exhausted and drained from the worry of losing him and lack of sleep. I prayed that any call I would get from the vet would tell me that it was something I could fix. But, this was not the case. The vet called and told me that the x-rays showed that his spleen, liver, and kidneys were enlarged. The blood work also showed that his organs were beginning to fail. I held Sitka close and told him over and over again how much I loved him. I didn’t want him to be alone for a second.

The following day I took Sitka back to the vet. while in the exam room, the vet explained to me what she believe was his diagnosis. Ferret Systematic Coronavirus. FRSC is simple to the dry form of Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP), and like FIP, there is no cure. A more common coronavirus seen in ferrets is ferret enteric coronavirus which causes epizootic catarrhal enteritis (ECE), but more and more cases of FRSC have been reported from the United States. Like ECE, FRSC is extremely contagious and transferred from fecal matter. The only way to prevent FRSC is by avoiding exposure from ferrets that are infected, and to keep cages clean and disinfected.

To be sure this was what Sitka had, we did an ultrasound. I can’t remember exactly what the vet saw, but it did confirm our fears. She further explained to me what the results of the blood work meant, but I was not in the right mind to listen or learn. All I was thinking about was that I was about to make the hardest decision in my life. There was a choice to potentially treat his symptoms, the vet explained that it was clear he had suffered from central nervous system damage since he had hind limb paralysis and had a head tilt. I made the decision to end his suffering and humanly euthanize him. I stayed there with him and thanked him for being my companion for the short time I had him, and told him over and over again how much he was loved and how he’d be missed. The vet announced that he no longer had a heartbeat and I held and kissed him for the last time.

After talking with my vet and one of the animal science professors, we have concluded that Sitka must have been infected by his mother. Like FIP, his virus must have started off asymptomatic and then later mutated and infected and spread throughout his body. Marshall Farms does not keep clean and disinfect cages. They do not test their ferrets for diseases like these and they do not care how genetically healthy their breeder ferrets are. They only care about producing cute and exotic colored kits no matter the issues that come along with them. I wouldn’t wish any ferret owner to experience what I did, but knowing that Marshall Farms will continue to mass-produce and inbred ferrets in unclean conditions, it is bound to happen again. Sitka was only 8 months old when he left me. He and all the others like him deserve justice. Please boycott Marshall Farms and all their products.”

Sitka is not the first, and certainly wont be the last, Marshall ferret to leave his owners much too young. Unhealthy breeding practices are the tip of the iceberg when it comes to problems with Marshall Ferrets. Do your part to stop the breeding of ferrets at ferret hell (aka MF). Do not buy ferrets from pet stores. Do not purchase any Marshall products (this includes toys, cage accessories, food, treats, and shampoos). We have the power to make a difference for ferrets across North America.

If you have a story about a mill bred ferret that you would like to share, please send it to our submit box so we can use it to help educate.

[alenajade]

❛ alexa demie, 19, cisfemale, she/her ❜ was that ALENA MONTANEZ i just saw hurrying across the quad? you’d think they would know what happens when a SOPHOMORE is late to class. then again, the FASHION major has been known to be pretty MANIPULATIVE. maybe being so VIVACIOUS helps keep them out of trouble. i heard that they are BISEXUAL and love DADDY KINK + SIZE DIFFERENCE

ayyye it’s G bringing ya’ll yet another lovable trash heap (i play Ezra too hi) ! figured I’d up my chances of being able to plot with as many people as possible if I had both a male & a female, plus I’ve been dying for a chance to use alexa as a fc so! alena is a brand new muse i’ve never played before & i’m super hype to develop her here for the first time ok so lemme just FINALLY get around to introducing this bitch real quick

OTHER KINKS: CHOKING, ORGASM CONTROL/DENIAL, BODY WORSHIP (REC), FORCE, PUNISHMENT + REWARD, ANAL, SPANKING, MARKING, BITING, HAIR PULLING,  DOMINANCE,  VOYEURISM,  CLOTHES ON, GROUP SEX, SEXUAL PAIN, ORDERS (REC)(GIV), BEING FILMED / PHOTOGRAPHED

alena jade montanez was born that bitch.

 was such a daddy’s girl up until age 6 when he left her, her mom, and her (at the time) 4, almost 5 year old little sister to pursue a new life with his mistress- after that, alena’s grandmother moved in with them, and her mom went through such a transformative stage that she had no choice but to pick herself up and make the decision to raise the strongest, most confident daughters she possibly could, because she never wanted a man to be able to break them the way the one she’d thought was her soulmate had broken her

and that’s exactly what she did 

alena grew up in a small town in pennsylvania; her mom had wanted to move after the divorce, but decided it best for alena not to uproot her when she was already accustomed to the life she had there. her mom made sure she was involved in absolutely everything she could possibly do so she wasn’t bored out of her mind, often driving her miles and miles to bigger cities for gymnastics meets and practices, cheerleading practice/competitions, dance practice/competitions, etc

thanks to child support from her dirtbag dad, who never tried to maintain a father/daughter relationship with her or her sister after she left, and both her mom and grandma essentially revolving their lives around caring for the girls, alena never really wanted for anything- in fact, materialistically speaking, she was spoiled rotten

every toy, every lavish birthday party, every cute little outfit, and as she got older every expensive new makeup release she just had to have, alena always got, and she rarely ever had to make a fuss or ask twice, meaning she was bred into someone who absolutely despises being told no or being told what to do

her mom eventually remarried (alena would’ve been around 8) a dude who alena just never connected with or considered any kind of father figure, but he was loaded, and out of that deal came her step sister around her same age who she loves VERY much (wc!!)

she was head cheerleader at her high school, she was also voted prom queen, but she never wanted to be one of those bitches who peaked in high school, 

so that’s why, even though she partied way 2 much and sucked way 2 much dick to actually be learning anything in hs, she got good grades and always aced her tests because she knew she wanted to be able to go to college and eventually move away- she chose noru bc it’s close to home so she can still visit her mom and her grandma, and ofc bc of its party school reputatuion

she’s a full on bratz doll personified okay she has a passion 4 fashion or whateva, she loves makeup and she’s loved making her own clothes from the time she learned to sew at just 11 years old, which is why she’s at northridge studying fashion- her main goal (is to blow up, and then act like she don’t know noboday) is to eventually get accepted for transfer to the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in los angeles and get out of PA altogether 

she hates PA because... well, she feels fucking haunted here. literally and figuratively

lemme explain: my girl sees ghosts- like either she was born with something wrong with her (CW: f u don’t wanna read abt this spooky stuff or don’t believe in the paranormal u can go w/ that & skip this whole part but) she sees ghosts, str8 up, bc it’s been this way all her life, as long as she can remember

the house she grew up in was crazy haunted and that means she saw a lot of creepy messed up shit happen growing up- but the rly fucked up part comes in how, even after her family moved out of their house and into a new place right before alena turned 16... the creepy haunting shit didn’t stop, it got worse, with family belongings going missing, cupboard doors and windows all being found open in the middle of the night, incessant footsteps, whisperings, and unexplainable banging sounds. 

instead of a new environment solving the haunting problem, it was like whatever energy had been in their previous home had somehow attached itself to her. alena started having horrific bouts of sleep paralysis literally every time she slept too deeply or for too long- this has continued into her early adulthood, and because of this she:

!!! literally, doesn’t sleep- like, gets as little sleep as humanly possible, as a person could possibly function on, and she does it with the help of her rampant caffeine addiction and (TW: drug use) stimulant drugs- you will never catch alena smoking pot or wax bc it will make her sleepy and she won’t feel safe

that also means she never spends the night with anyone because then they’ll know how fuckt up she really is, so she prefers to keep things surface-level with most people, putting on an individualized performance for anyone she is attracted enough to to pursue, but never letting it get any deeper than casual sex

loves and is so fiercely protective of all the women in her life!!! is more likely to be leery of or mistrusting with men, but ofc there’ll be exceptions

and YEA that’s p much what i have for her so far, like i said she’s brand new so i wanna do most of her development here in this group but i had to get something up !!

i’m working on a connections page for her but some stuff i’d love off the top off my head are !!! ofc her younger sister (would be not quite 2 years younger than alena, so freshman age/ just turned 18) and her step-sister (would be the same age as her, 19 going on 20), best friends / squad, (she’s a cheerleader but she’s not a captain or anything bc her focus is on fashion now that she’s @ uni), an ex bf/ gf / fling (or 12 ), fwb, enemies w/ benefits, frenemies, exes who hate each other but still fuck, a professor / administrator she fucks on the reg (bonus points if they’re older and/or married), anything ur lil heart desires ok hmu <3