#my dissertation research

[enbycrip]

My favourite cases that have come up in dissertation research so far are a tie between the fashionable 18th century lady with one eye who grabbed an apparently respectable dude’s wrist while he was pickpocketing her at the theatre, took her purse back *out of his hand* and then punched him in the face before dragging him off to the constable to prosecute him, plus straight-up blanked him when he wrote her a gaslighty letter begging her not to prosecute in a really passive-aggressive way, and the *incredibly* short-sighted Italian writing an Italian-English dictionary in 18th century London who was sexually assaulted by a sex worker sitting in a doorway, was so short-sighted that he then punched *another* sex worker standing close to her, panicked when some nearby dudes surrounded him when the woman he punched understandably screamed and started pushing him into the gutter so that he tried to wave a fruit knife around him to intimidate them, didn’t realise that he *straight up stabbed one of them several times* while doing this, and then was chased by a mob across several streets until he was rescued by the proprieter of a shop where he bought pens and ink, who faced down the mob while he handed him gratefully over to a passing watchman.

(I feel genuinely very sorry for pretty much everyone involved in the second case; it’s just this incredible comedy of errors!)

The stories that are just sitting in the Proceedings of the Old Bailey online database waiting to be found are quite incredible! I’ve never come across either of them *anywhere* before. They are like *jewels*.

[chapollynh]

I finished DS9 and here's my first offering to the fandom.

The show is just SO GOOD!! I wanna talk about it so bad, so I will spam the tags quite a bit... My bad. Also, the people who said Bashir would get better - you were right, he became a lot more fun! Plus he's got a teddy bear, that's peak character right there.

[croquettish]

Claustrophobia as a Metaphor for Hans' Feelings for Henry

All right. I'm ready to go full tinfoil hat here but I have a theory, y'all. And there is a lot of evidence to back it up even if you decide I'm off my rocker for most of it:

I think Hans' claustrophobia exists in parallel to his feelings and, more importantly, how Hans feels about his feelings for Henry.

We first get the hint that Hans is claustrophobic when he and Henry get tossed into the dungeon at Trosky:

This is immediately post-divorce era. The boys haven't quite yet made up and Hans has gotten his first taste of what life is like without Henry. He did not care for it, and that realization comes alongside an incredibly unexpected vulnerability that Hans is not used to and has not had to deal with before.

The threat of losing Henry before was of course something he could conceive of before, most recently following Henry's ~terrible fall, but that would have been losing him in the abstract. If he lost Henry because of their fight, that would be (at least in his eyes), 100% his fault, at least in part because-- as you'll recall-- Henry was ready to make up literally the next morning. Earlier, even, if you watch the way he tries to look at Hans while Hans is stubbornly staring away as if to keep from being persuaded by Henry's puppy dog eyes.

The divorce era presented a different sort of loss, namely losing Henry not because of God's will, but because of his own stubborn pride. He got Henry back after, but the risk was there and it's only after getting him back that the full weight of what he almost lost hits him. At the beginning, when he's still panicking in the cell, he's still in what he perceives to be the proverbial doghouse, and he promptly follows this up by eating crow and apologizing to Henry for being an asshole.

Panic abated.

Until Henry is taken away from him, of course, and the walls truly start closing in. I have to really commend the creative direction of this scene in particular because that zoom out + transition to a Dutch angle is so fucking haunting in this scene while we watch Hans clearly trying not to have a full breakdown. It really induces the feeling of claustrophobia even if a person doesn't suffer from it themselves.

Henry was taken away from him, and as far as he knows, he might never see him again. No wonder the walls start closing in on him.

After that, things return to normal. No bad claustrophobia concerns for some time, incidentally. Henry is there, and his feelings regarding Henry are completely logical and rational. What a good friend Henry is!

The next time we see Hans' claustrophobia flare up is after Nebakov is hit by the Finger of God/bombard. Hans is trapped under a beam and is (understandably) freaking the fuck out. We also know from his dialogue later on that this scene magnified his claustrophobia even more than it was before.

What's notable, however, is that Henry at this point is barely conscious and isn't responding to Hans. As far as he knows, Henry isn't alive. That bombard could have easily killed any/all of them and tbh it's kind of a miracle that it didn't. Never mind that after his brief foray into consciousness, Henry is promptly hit by a full-length ceiling beam and (presumably, logically) knocked the fuck out. Meanwhile Hans is being crushed by his own fear of his feelings.

We obviously don't know what happens between the time of the tower's destruction and the scene in the cart after, but we do know that Henry was woken up at dawn to the commotion and by the time they get done being tortured, it's very late at night. So presumably Henry was out cold for a while there. Not only are the walls closing in on Hans here, they're literally crushing him. The fear of losing Henry is more present than ever.

And to make matters worse, he has no idea when or even if he's ever going to see Henry again. Henry has no value as a hostage. He could easily be simply disposed of without a second thought.

Henry could die, and it would, in Hans' eyes, be all his fault. At this point his feelings on the matter are guilt and a tremendous amount of self-pity (as we later learn from Brabant). As if to coincide with Hans being confronted with his feelings regarding Henry and the loss of him at this point and time, he ends up stuck in his gilded cage at Maleshov.

Once again, the walls are closing in.

We learn about how he felt about this only later when we chat with him at the Devil's Den:

The big problem with the room, Hans explains, was simply that he couldn't leave.

If we bear in mind the claustrophobia : confrontation of feelings metaphor here, this makes sense. Henry could be dead. He could have been tortured. He could still be in captivity. Hell, depending on how you play Henry being tortured, he even tells the torturer to just go ahead and fucking kill him because he's not talking. Henry was ready to die.

Hans knows Henry. Extremely well. He knows that Henry has some truly insane principles that he will stick to no matter what. There's no doubt in my mind that Hans probably knows there is a good chance that Henry doesn't make it through this. And he's confronted with all of these feelings over an extended period of time where he gets to sit and spin.

In light of that, I think it's interesting that he calls it a hole, because I would never use a word like that to describe what is effectively a fancy hotel room. But figuratively speaking, of course it's a hole for him. He's despairing. He needs Henry in his life and there's nothing he can do to get to him or to save him. He can't leave.

And then, of course, Henry shows up after all. No wonder Hans looks so unbelievably elated to see him. Of course, this is when Henry brings up the secret passageway. Hans is told that he can leave this enclosed space for another, even tighter enclosed space!

Now, if you pick the correct dialogue option here and tell him that you'll make it through, together, Hans of course discloses that the shit about how it's not ~chivalrous was bullshit and that it's because he might endanger him:

He just spent the last x amount of time (depending on how long you had Henry dilly-dallying around Kuttenberg and its environs) trapped here and steeped in his feelings regarding Henry. The fear of losing him is at the top of this list. To Hans, going into that passageway could also make him lose Henry. And it would be his fault. Again.

There's also something to be said here about close quarters. If we're to return here to the metaphors, then those close quarters force Hans to confront his feelings for Henry. Henry even says it himself back when they're in the Trosky dungeon together:

From there, it's on to Raborsch. Which is where things get very interesting.

Hans is told that he's going to be getting married. Much like in the Trosky dungeon, we get that zoom (albeit in the other direction this time) and then his POV. The way time seems to slow, the wobble of the camera... being something of a panic attack haver myself, this is exactly what it feels like. It is honestly impressive how well they mimic the feeling of it. And the way it's executed almost makes it look as though the room is shrinking.

This is my own personal headcanon that will probably not be shared by most people, but I think this is the moment that Hans realizes that he's in love with Henry. It would make sense for him to feel faint and like the walls are closing in on him in that moment.

It's also the worst possible moment for him to realize.

And then he proceeds to try and shove those feelings aside and repress them as best as possible. Nevermind that yet again Henry isn't there to help support him.

There was a wonderful post going around the other day about why Hans' responses to the romantic dialogue options Henry chooses sound so platonic. Because... yeah. He's holding that shit in TIGHT. He is on LOCKDOWN.

And we see that reflected in where he chooses to place himself physically after that point!!!!

After the announcement, Godwin can find him outside on the balcony getting absolutely hammered and talking to Rabbi Jehuda.

Even at the Devil's Den, where he's objectively free, he feels... crowded. Like the walls are closing in on him:

No fucking wonder. If he just realized that he's in love with Henry, then at this point in the story he's still trying real hard to repress that shit. Hans is erecting these walls himself as if he's trying to choke these feelings out of him. It also makes sense why he's constantly going out to get away from this confrontation of feelings as much as possible, riding out whenever he can:

Even in the group meeting with the Devil's gang, he says this:

Now it's the whole tavern! Anywhere that has walls and a roof is choking the life out of him! And of course here Henry is suddenly fucking everywhere.

When talking to him about the rides he goes on in the surrounding areas, this line of inquiry leads him to ask if he's fucking poaching again, and Hans comes back by saying this:

Allow me to just say.

And I cannot stress this enough.

He did not need to tell Henry that.

Henry tells him as much, but it feels fairly obvious that this was said with intent. It's like he's trying to reinforce his own heterosexuality to both him and Henry.

I would also like to highlight here that to Hans, it's always outside that this heterosexuality occurs. Even at the baths those hookups are merely in tents. The girl from Bohunowitz he found in (or near) a hunter's camp in the forest.

So we see a pretty direct correlation here. The inside of pretty much any building (or passageway) that also contains Henry or the Absence of Henry (in the abstract) is profoundly unsafe. This is the space where feelings always seem to happen and where Realizations™️ occur.

So! The outside is safe! Nothing can get him there, not even his feelings for Henry!

It's interesting, then, that Hans decides to invite Henry into that very space not long after:

Even in the space Hans uses as an escape (including as an escape from Henry), he still wants Henry there. Much as I discussed in this post, Hans views hunting with Henry in this scene as an escape into the past. Pre-betrothal, pre-feelings. A simpler time and a return to normalcy.

Naturally, he has to counteract Henry's presence in the Comphet space by bringing up as much heterosexuality as possible:

He brings this up regardless of how you respond.

Depending on your dialogue choices, you then learn that the girl from Bohunowitz is named Karolina. (Tbh if I didn't know better, I'd assume she was fucking made up seeing as she shares a name with the same girl he was running after in The Amorous Adventures of Bold Sir Hans Capon and there is no such girl to be found in Bohunowitz.)

Regardless of whether you chose to tease him or grumble about his womanizing, Henry makes it pretty clear that he doesn't want to hear about it. He says something similar as well earlier, when Hans says that the girl from Bohunowitz (who may or may not be made up) gave him a ~ride:

Hans quickly changes the subject, but Henry keeps them on topic and brings it up again, effectively asking him if these wenches are more important to him than he is:

(Tbh it's pretty fucking obvious from these interactions that Henry is already feeling quite a lot here and is looking for validation from Hans... which Hans then, perhaps unwittingly, provides. Maybe he just can't help himself. The truth slips through the cracks.)

Hans immediately reassures him, of course:

At which point it's Henry's turn to brush him off and put some distance between them again.

Distance which Hans immediately closes up again...

... only to freak out and instantly backpedal.

The assault on Maleshov really hammers this connection home, where even outside, he can't run from his fear.

In this case, because the Finger of God fires and hits the fortress walls.

Hans falls back and just... stares.

And just stays there for a while. For long enough, in fact, that Henry and Godwin have to come help him up.

Henry, in this instance, is both the problem and the solution: all Hans has to do is accept the fact that he's in love with him—with a little help from Henry.

And then we get to the Italian Job. Hooo boy.

It does not escape my attention that these two dialogue options come up in the same conversation, one of which of course leads to a romance choice:

Henry tries to insist on how much he enjoys Hans' company only for Hans to brush him off. Quite substantially. Like if I was Henry I'd be fucking gutted or at the very least baffled that my friend could be that obtuse when I'm over here dropping all these hints.

And then, of course, Hans promptly panics again when Henry brings up the underground passage and asks if he's joining him in going through it (almost as if those two bits of panic are related).

He even brings up societal judgment! But I think it's that last one that carries by far the most weight. He's still looking for any possible way out that he can find and asking for validation from Henry while he's doing it. Which is asking quite a lot of Henry imo.

Of course, then he suddenly doesn't have a choice anymore. Which is also where Hans actually comes to terms with his feelings. He has to go through the passageway. There's no choice. The walls are closing in and he has to accept it or he'll go insane if he keeps repressing any of this any longer. The narrative is practically telling him: you can't run from this anymore. His feelings for Henry are real and they're right in front of him and they're not this terrifying thing that he's been running from all this time.

Katherine tells Henry that Hans was trailing behind Godwin and her "like a dazed sheep" and that she hopes he didn't get lost.

The good news is that he didn't. Instead, quite the opposite happened: he finally found his way to accepting how he feels.

And when he does, he finds that he's no longer afraid of them. Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, confronting his fears meant that they're not nearly as terrifying anymore.

Again, Henry asks if he's really all right, and Hans insists that he's never been better. No fucking wonder. This was a come-to-Jesus moment if ever I saw one.

And then he checks on Henry. All this time, he's been looking at his own fear, stuck in this, quite frankly, closet, and not thinking about how Henry has been feeling.

Even so, Henry is worried. At which point Hans gets to reassure him that, no, he's all right. In fact, the one holding him back and hurting him most in all of this has been none other than himself. If anything, Henry has been encouraging all this time. He does his job well. And that includes loving Hans.

Henry suggests that he overcame his fear, and Hans insists that no, that's not quite it.

Which makes sense. You don't just overcome your fears by facing them. Certainly not something like claustrophobia. It's also unlikely that an actual miracle occurred here. If you listen for his idle talk before or after this conversation, even Hans is absolutely baffled that he just... overcame his fear. Just like that.

To me, that suggests that this is about something else entirely, and not tight, enclosed spaces at all. He's always been afraid to face this part of himself.

In fact, if we recall what happened during their successful siege on Maleshov, Hans fell and couldn't recover without aid. Here, he fell and got himself up again because... it didn't kill him. It's okay to have—wait for it—fallen in love with Henry.

Is this a stretch? Maybe. But the fact that it happens twice makes me think that it was done with intent.

(If I wanted to bring in a real stretch here, I'd suggest that there's meaning behind the fact that Hans helps Henry up to his feet several times, first after his terrible fall at the beginning, while they're walking to Bozhena's, and again after he's on the floor getting kicked at the Semine wedding. If this was meant to be a hint as to where Henry realized that he was in love with Hans, having lost him first almost to death and then again to the divorce arc, it wouldn't surprise me tbh. He fell, and Hans was there to be his solution—the only difference is that Henry wouldn't have had a problem accepting it the way that Hans did. But, like I said, this one is a stretch.)

All of which brings us to the second confession.

Henry tried telling him this same exact thing before, after nearly losing him to the noose and their temporary split. Now he's saying this exact same thing again. Which feels... pointed and frankly intentional.

And this time, Hans responds in kind. He also cares about Henry. He's just really bad at showing it sometimes.

Because of course he's bad at it. He's spent the whole game thus far stuck in a closet of claustrophobia battling against his own internally homophobic demons.

But his success in a) escaping that closet and b) battling those demons brings us to the promised land.

Where they fuck in a (relatively, considering Hans' fear from before) small room and with Hans underneath Henry, the safest ceiling to come (down) on him of them all ♥

[fatehbaz]

weekly navel-gazing update: this week is most consequential event in long time. keyword search: "scared" "is it ok to be scared" "beaten and tortured by the ogre"

[in-tua-deep]

Researchers from the University of Indianapolis are investigating the experiences of queer individuals and their usage of social media, specifically the ways in which people use social media to facilitate identity development. If you are an adult (18 years or older) who are questioning their gender or sexual identity or who identify with a gender or sexuality that is non-cisgender or non-heterosexual, you are invited to take our survey! You can skip questions or exit the survey at any point, and it won’t cost you anything besides your time. There are no direct benefits to you, but your participation will help up is our research. In appreciation, you will be given the option to enter a drawing for one of four $20 Amazon gift cards. Participation is voluntary, and all responses will be kept confidential. If you choose to enter the drawing for a gift card, your email will be separated from your responses and will not be used for any other purpose.

If you are interested in participating, please follow the link to complete the survey.

Questions can be directed to Principal Investigator, Dr. Erin Fekete, at feketee@uindy.edu.

This research project has been approved by the University of Indianapolis Institutional Review Board (IRB). Approval date 09/27/2024; Approval number 02118.

[motions1ckn3ss]

exr quotes in victor hugo's handwriting

i've been scouring the original manuscript of les mis in order to find these and i'm sharing screenshots here along with the links to the specific pages because i've just been losing my mind trying to find them all and i need to store them somewhere for research purposes

'you do not believe in anything.'

'i believe in you.'

'be serious.'

'i am wild.'

'be easy.'

'do you permit it?'

[butchazepam]

updated radical feminist library

the radical feminist library, by aggrolesbo/ladielabrys, is great. but it has a lot of repeated and illegible files, and without the proper authors so it gets difficult to search for things. I cleaned it put and then added a lot more books recommended across the internet. Plus very good releases by suny press and routledge.

i separated the trans folder from the rest of the library so you can send it to people who would otherwise be turned off.

If you have any recommendations i would be glad to add it!

spread it far and wide please

[louferrignojrofficial]

if i got the chance to interview oliver stark about 911, you bet your ass i wouldn’t waste a single question over something like ‘will tommy be jealous of buck and eddie’s friendship?’ after we have seen multiple times he isn’t, and most recently in the new episode. not to mention we’ve seen even eddie isn’t jealous of buck and tommy’s relationship, and we were shown that yet again in the premiere. there are so many more interesting things you could ask about buck’s actual relationship and that story, or even buck and eddie. but no.

[kirjavas]

where the wild things are (2009), directed by spike jonze / maurice sendak, where the wild things are / philip pullman, the amber spyglass

[aldertreegroves]

4/10/25

a study day ✨

[blamemma]

this post has given me an aneurysm so i'm putting it to the people think with ur heads not ur hearts

[thylionheart]

Now that I’m a significant ways into writing my David x Jonathan fic I am no longer sure if David is a top or not

What I do know is that Jonathan definitely WANTS David to top him

[saintcirce]

Please do a whole post about phd applications, funding applications, fellowships, TAships etc. Would love your take on it. Thanks

I'm chronically horrible at responding to asks, so this is coming later than you probably expected!

For context, I'm now a second year PhD art history student about to take her doctoral (comprehensive) exams in April. I applied for PhD programs during the last semester of my master's program, which was a terminal degree through a different university than the one I currently attend.

I applied to two PhD programs in the United States and two in the United Kingdom: the processes are different, particularly when it comes to funding. The former will automatically consider you for funding and it's expected, at least in the humanities, that they will grant you tuition remission and a stipend for at least four years (potentially more, depending on your particular program). It's also possible to win additional fellowships, either through your university or a third party. For example, I have departmental funding (ie. a stipend that I receive for being a Graduate Assistant) and an outside fellowship from my university's Graduate School. My department applied for that fellowship on my behalf before I even enrolled. The other American university to which I applied also offered me tuition remission and a stipend, but it was less than the university I currently attend.

Two general notes about funding in the United States: (1) it often changes to account for rising cost of living but that does not necessarily mean you will be making a living wage, and (2) it often changes depending on whether your school has a Union. Graduate workers at my university are currently working to unionize, which would not only guarantee a living wage for union members but also offer protections for international students and student parents. There are a lot of benefits but the TLDR for funding is that unionizing often means the difference between $28,000 and $45,000 yearly stipend (see this article from the Boston Herald about BU's graduate student union). Graduate Assistants are often not allowed to hold a second job outside of the university and it's also difficult to do so when you are (a) working, (b) completing coursework, and (c) independently researching. My museum fellowship, which I'm due to begin in a couple days, jeopardized my funding status and I had to fight my university for them not to take away my fellowship. It ultimately worked out because I had my department chair's support but not all students are similarly supported—and not all departments are willing to advocate for their students.

Pivoting to UK schools: the TLDR is that they offer very little funding for international students and the funding that is available, either through the institutions themselves or outside organizations, is often not enough to cover the cost of living. Tuition is largely cheaper than in America but the difference was not significant enough for it to factor into my decision. If you're interested in more detail, I'd recommend reaching out to @therepublicofletters who actually attends a UK institution. She can also tell you more about how their programs are structured. Unlike American PhD programs—which involve at least two years of coursework, doctoral exams, and graduate assistantships before defending your prospectus and beginning dissertation research���UK programs ask you to apply with a prospectus that you will use as the basis for dissertation research that you begin immediately upon entry. The difference is that American programs typically take 5-7 years to complete whereas UK ones are only 3-4 years. While this may seem convenient in the short term, I was advised that American institutions (museums, universities, etc) often prefer PhDs from American institutions because of the extra work completed.

Setting aside this technical information, I chose the four programs to which I applied based on vibes. I had a master list of schools and advisors and I contacted each one to see if we fit in terms of academic interests and personalities. I did not want to work with an advisor I didn't like and who didn't like me—or who had so many students that they had no time for me. Aside from speaking with them personally, I also reached out to their current advisees: students will often give you a more honest perspective on faculty and the department as a whole. I would almost lend more weight to what the students say than any of the professors because they are and/or will be your peers. They are also the people who will give you the most honest information about how professors and the department view students of color, women, queer students, etc. Art history and the humanities are fairly white, straight, and male dominated, so it's important to get a read on how non-normative (for lack of a better collective term) individuals are treated. I used this information to narrow down my master list to four schools, each of which I would be happy to attend. Whether I was admitted to one or to all four, I would have a place to go where I would be content and able to find community.

This is a personal note but something to consider when it comes to advisors is gender. That should not be a determining factor but I realized after committing to my current school that this is the first time I've worked with a male advisor. I love him dearly and he is one of the most encouraging scholars I have met but there have been occasions where there is a disconnect based on life experience. That said, I know many people who have had no issues at all!

Throughout this whole process, the name value of the schools was functionally irrelevant. In my experience—and that of the numerous individuals who advised me during the application process—your advisor is far more important than your school. While this will necessarily vary by discipline, you want to work with someone who has connections and/or knows how to network. For example, an older scholar will likely know everyone and their mother whereas a younger scholar will know fewer people but likely be more present at conferences, etc.

In the end, what matters most is your happiness and stability. Will you like working with your chosen advisor? Will you like taking classes in other disciplines within your department? Will you be able to make friends and/or have civil relationships with other graduate students (ie. will people steal books you need because they know you need them, like at Columbia)? Can you afford to live in whatever city in which you school is located? Are they paying you a living wage and/or offering you alternate opportunities to apply for funding?

I chose my school based on the graduate community, my advisors (I now have two), and the funding package. There have been incidental issues that I could not have anticipated, but on the whole, I do not regret my decision because I prioritized my happiness when I was applying and did not make decisions based on what I thought other people would want. This is a huge commitment and you need to be self-motivated, to rely on your love of the subject, to make it through the hard times.

My last bit of advice, which I received from my undergraduate advisor: don't go into debt for art history! If a program isn't paying you and/or isn't paying you enough, then they're not worth your time. Know your worth and ask for what you deserve, never be afraid to negotiate funding.

Let me know if y'all have any other questions! This was a long one but I hope it was helpful.

[tlatollotl]

I'm so sick and tired of West Mexico and Mesoamerican archaeology. I'm quitting to become a baker.

[an-idiot-in-research]

How you think you look when explaining your dissertation:

Vs.

The Reality:

[atomicradiogirl]

time to do my fav hobby which is correct stephen ambrose (my worst enemy) and consequently band of brothers’ history. this is the joseph liebgott edition (everyone’s fav).

he wasn't actually jewish, he was raised roman catholic and was assumed jewish by the company from his last name. he spoke an austrian dialect of german which was confused with yiddish. he raised his children catholic after the war and he never drove cabs after the war. he was a barber instead. he went missing for three years after the war from a presumed PTSD episode and turned up in california. he never told his 8 children about the war and they only found out after the book was written and through digging through the attic where they found his jump wings. he died in 1992.