#my dog was put to rest today. it was tough. but i got most of my sadness out of the way yesterday.

[technovillain]

oh man. i am so......... i will vent in the tags

[cloudyyoimiya]

If your requests are open, can you please do Jouno with a lover whose love language is physical touch? Ignore this if you don't want to do this :]

this is so cute! i loved thinking about how he’d react and actually writing it out. thank you for requesting!!

Physical Touch; Saigiku Jouno

Format: Headcanons and scenario

Genre: Fluff

Possible warnings: Slightly out of character Jouno

Jouno wouldn’t mind a lover that enjoyed touching him because it was their love language, but he would most definitely tease them about it if they were more clingy than usual. It was in his nature after all.

In fact, Jouno would like it if you liked to touch him. It showed you that he trusted you since his skin was more sensitive compared to others.

Whenever you wanted to touch Jouno, you would always have to make sure that your clothes rustled just loud enough so that he could hear your hand incoming. You didn’t want to accidentally scare him, and sometimes you didn’t feel like speaking, so this was the best solution for the two of you. 

…

It was late at night, and Jouno had just gotten home from his exhausting job at the Hunting Dogs. He lazily kicked off his boots into the direction of the shoe rack, and he practically threw off his hat in a pit of annoyance. He then put his hat down on a shelf nearby begrudgingly, just like he did each time he did when he came home.

All while he was doing this, he didn’t hear the usual blaring of the television. Instead, he heard your steady breathing and the occasional rustling of paper as you flipped a page of a book you were reading.

As Jouno entered your shared bedroom, he took off his cape with ease. He then dropped it down somewhere at random, not caring if either of you slipped on it later in the night.

“Tough day?” You asked as you kept your eyes on the page you were reading, not bothering to look up at him.

“Insufferable day,” Jouno murmured as he sat down on the bed next to you. He then unbuttoned the top buttons of his uniform. “Everything was so infuriating today. I don’t think I even got a moment of peace the whole day.”

You chuckled as you flipped to the next page of your book. You then slid your hand over the top of his, lightly squeezing it. “Do you want to tell me about it? It may make you feel less… tense.”

“One word; criminal,” Jouno huffed. “This one criminal thought that he could easily escape detainment. Of course I caught him, but he still made me use my ability to catch up to him. Honestly, the criminals I’ve been catching are getting stupider and stupider with their escape attempts these days. It annoys me greatly. How come they can’t just form a well thought out plan? Is it that much of an inconvenience for them? Idiots…”

You gave Jouno’s hand another light squeeze, then you leaned to rest your head onto his shoulder. “That does sound annoying… What about that one coworker of yours? Tecchou, was it? Did something happen with him as well? Because from what I’ve heard from you, not a day goes by where he doesn’t annoy you.”

Jouno slightly tensed up as you rested your head onto his shoulder, but he almost immediately relaxed his muscles. Although he did hear your clothes rustling as you moved near him, it still surprised him how affectionate you are sometimes. Though, he’d never complain about it. It was… refreshing to him since his occupation was so violent.

“Don’t get me started on that scatterbrain. You know how much me pisses me off on a regular basis,” Jouno groaned.

“I know. I guess it was a rather stupid question, huh?” You let out a soft chuckle.

Jouno hummed in agreement. He then wrapped an arm around your shoulders and rested his head against your chest. He positioned himself so that his ear was right above your heart so he could hear it beat.

All the while your boyfriend was doing this, you placed a bookmark in your book and put it on your nightstand. You then wrapped an arm around his upper back and you put the other on his lower back.

“You’re never this cuddly. Was today really that bad?” You questioned.

“No, I just wanted to be closer to you.”

“Huh? Why? What’s gotten into you…?”

Jouno groaned. “I know how you like being close to me. I thought I’d indulge you just this once.”

You slowly started to rub his back with your right hand. You then lightly kissed the top of his head. If he was really going to allow you to be touchy with him without him teasing you, then you were going to take full advantage of that moment.

“That’s very unlike you, y’know. But hey, I won’t complain,” you chuckled.

Jouno brought a hand down to the side of your stomach and pinched it lightly. “Shut up.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay,” you snickered. You then laid back and got comfortable. “Are you really going to sleep in your uniform?”

“I am. And what of it?”

“Nothing, nothing.”

“It’s not nothing if you felt the need to point it out,” Jouno huffed.

“You smell like sweat.”

“Do I really?”

“Kind of. I’m honestly kinda surprised that you haven’t picked up on it with your heightened sense of smell and all,” you said with a small smile on your face. “Go take a shower. We can cuddle once you’re all clean and in your pajamas.”

Jouno groaned, then went up to kiss your cheek. “Fine then.” He got up from your embrace and stretched for a moment. Jouno then tilted his head back in your direction. “Don’t move while I’m showering.”

“Wasn’t planning on it, love,” you snickered.

“Sure,” Jouno simply said. He then started to go towards the direction towards the bathroom.

“I love you,” you called out to him.

Jouno playfully groaned. “I love you too.”

[beom-pyu]

just had the craziest lucid dream during my nap and i need to get this thought out ASAP

soft domination with husband beomgyu, anyone?

warnings: pets names (puppy) , tit sucking , mommy kink , praise kink

your husband beomgyu who comes home from work to see you cooking dinner, wraps his arms around your waist and peppers kisses down your neck to distract you so he can secretly steal a bite! you swat his hand away and tell him dinner will be ready soon, turning in his hold to wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him into a sweet kiss

you can tell by the way beomgyu melts into the kiss that he's has had a tough day at work; training unruly newbies, taking on heavier workloads so he can get promoted, working his ass off to provide for you so all you have to worry about is looking pretty and living stress free<3 all he's been looking forward to today is coming home to see your pretty face and feel your soft touch and he's overwhelmed by all the love he feels for you when you gently massage his neck as you press a kiss to his cheek, asking him about how his day was.

he immediately falls to pieces in your hands---as much as beomgyu takes control in almost every aspect of your lives, he lets you take the reigns at home. passes on the control to you so he can let go every now and then. he loves being doted on by you, loves how you can make him feel so loved, how you take him apart and put him back together. you know you have him right where you want him when you see his eyes cloud over, a small whimper living his lips as you card your fingers through his hair, his grip tightening on your hips.

"had a hard day, hm?" you purr into his ear, running your nails down his clothed back, feeling him shiver from your touch as he nods. "my puppy... always working so hard for us. 'm so proud of you, gyu."

"please... please, i need---"

"shh, i've got you. relax, baby.

despite being shorter than him, beomgyu leans his entire body weight on you, dropping his head into the crook of your neck as your fingers run across his most sensitive spots. you smile as he lets out the softest sounds, his hand strictly placed at your sides. he knows not to touch without permission. he knows that you'll give him what he needs.

there's nothing more satisfying than feeling him harden against your leg just by your faint touch. his lips are like magnets to your skin, nipping and biting as he kisses up and down your neck, claiming you, marking you as his.

on any other night, you'd drag it out, tease him a bit before playing. the suspense always gets him riled up---but tonight, you know that's not what he needs. not with the way his eyes nearly brim with tears as you gently coax him away from your neck, his fingers grabbing desperately at your dress.

"meet me in the bedroom, pup."

"but---but i want..."

"i know, puppy. i'll be quick, okay?"

the puppy dog eyes he sends your way nearly makes you change your mind, but nonetheless, he follows your orders and heads toward the room. you quickly turn off all of the food, making sure to put tops on all of the pots before joining your husband in the bedroom.

by the time you walk in, he's already sitting upright against the headboard, the top few buttons of his dress shirt undone. you smile at the grabby hands he directs towards you, looking utterly fucked out with his blushed neck and red, bitten-raw lips. he's absolutely gorgeous.

you waste no time climbing into his lap, giggling a bit as he automatically wraps his arms around your torso, pulling you into an unexpected hug. he rests his head on your shoulder, inhaling your sweet scent before pressing a few kisses to your exposed skin.

when his fingers make their way to the hem of your dress, you reach down to stop him; he whines, but his fingers still, his head turning to look up at you expectantly.

"you know you have to use your words to get what you want, pup."

he opens his mouth to speak, but you interrupt him again.

"and you have to ask nicely. no more demanding things."

"but it's embarrassing," he whines, dropping his face into your chest. you giggle at his behavior---this is really your strong, provider husband. he's perfect.

"come on, puppy. you can do it."

beomgyu lifts his head after a few seconds, his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

"ask."

...

"can i... can i suck on your tits...?

you give him a look.

"please... mommy?"

"now was that so hard, hm?"

beomgyu doesn't reply as you slowly pull your dress over your head, his eyes glued onto your tits that are perfectly eye level with his gaze. you smile as his eyes flash up to yours, his hands making home on your waist---he's waiting for your signal. such a good boy.

"mommy, please, i---"

"go ahead, puppy."

you don't have to tell him twice; he immediately latches onto your nipple, fondling your other breast as his eyes slip shut in bliss. his entire body relaxes as you card your fingers through his hair, pressing light kisses to the crown of his head. this is for him, so you try to ignore the way the stimulation goes straight to your core, sighing in pleasure as his tongue circles your nipple before he sucks harshly, nipping at your sensitive bud.

he's hard in his pants as your heat sits right on top of him, but he shows no intentions on moving. this is more than just sexual, for the both of you. he looks so angelic like this, a pink flush sitting high on his cheekbones, his hair messy from your fingers pushing it out of his face. his eyelashes tickles his cheeks as he lets out soft sounds, quiet moans and whimpers, nosing your skin as he moves to give attention to your other tit.

"my pretty puppy. you're doing so good for me, baby. so, so good."

beomgyu moans loudly at that, something throaty and deep, as he places one last kiss on your breast before looking up at you with glistening eyes.

"i love you," he breaths out, his hands dropping down to your thighs, massaging the plush skin there. you smile down at him before capturing his lips in a kiss; it's sloppy and messy as beomgyu's nearly too gone to focus on any sort of technique, but it's oh so perfect because it's him

"i love you, gyu."

the beam that paints his face is heart-wrenching, his eyes bunching up at the corners, his cheeks growing full with pure adoration and infatuation. he's so, so lovely and everyday, you wonder how you managed to win his heart.

"can i fuck you after dinner?"

you press a kiss to the tip of his nose.

"anything you want, puppy."

[exquisitesimp]

Caring for Kunikida after a tough day at work

A/N: Hello to everybody reading this! I'm back with a Bungo Stray Dogs short story for the Kunikida lovers (he's so underrated imo)! This time, the reader (F) is taking care of her favourite blond after a difficult and exhausting day of work at the agency. Sweet, with a hint of comedy. Thank you so much for reading and liking my post, it means a lot to me! Stay healthy, eat well and drink plenty of water! - Sam

Tags: Bungo Stray Dogs, Kunikida Doppo, Comfort, Fluff, SFW

Word Count: 2k approx.

Your relationship with Kunikida has been stable and secure since day one. It was obvious from the very beginning that he was taking what the two of you shared seriously, and making it last was something he truly wished for. And when he suggested that you moved in together, it became evident how much he wanted to keep you in his life.

Kunikida is one logical man, which is why you found it strange at first. He’s not the type of person to wear his heart on his sleeve and put such an idea forward just because he’s lovestruck. Besides, at the time, it seemed to you that your relationship was in a stage too early for this.

“Are you sure about this?”, you remember asking in uncertainty over lunch that day. “I mean, we’ve spent the night together many times, but actually living together… I don’t know, isn’t that quite a big step?”

“It’s a decision that would be beneficial to both of us”, the man replied, opening “The Ideals” and searching through his notes.

He then proceeded to read out a gigantic list of advantages, which he had prepared beforehand and took up a good amount of pages of the notebook. You didn’t need such…extensive reasoning to be convinced, but you found it endearing how much effort he put into it.

Many of his points made sense too, like cutting down on living expenses, helping each other out, keeping the home and the workplace separate, and most importantly, not being under the same roof as Dazai - he insisted that the latter would grant him a particular sense of relief. 

You ended up moving together shortly after in an apartment close to the Armed Detective Agency. It’s been a couple of months now and things were great, just as you expected. Both of you lead busy lives - Kunikida more so than you, and you were each other’s support system on difficult days, and today was one of them. 

You happened to leave work a little earlier than usual, so you decided to spend the rest of the afternoon cooking a nice meal for dinner. You dropped by the supermarket, bought all the ingredients you needed and headed straight home. It was just 18:00, which gave you some time to have a quick shower, change into your homewear and get some rest before hitting the kitchen.

You got some relaxing tunes playing, put your hair up with a hair clip and started cooking. Since you had the luxury to be home early, you decided to prepare a more traditional japanese dinner, which included a variety of smaller plates. While cooking, you softly swayed to the music, thinking to yourself that you couldn’t wait to treat your hard-working partner to some nice, warm food. 

The hours passed. It was 21:40, dinner was almost ready, but Kunikida was not back and you were still alone. Slightly concerned, tired, and no longer in the happiest mood, you turned off the music. The sizzling of the pork cutlet in the frying pot was the only sound filling the silence of what felt like an empty home without him.

You respect his work immensely, and you understand that there are gonna be days he’ll be home late. His job is very difficult and dangerous after all, and he is especially responsible and serious about it. You tried to reassure yourself that it could be an emergency and that things like that happen all the time, but your worries got the best of you.

“He never comes home later than 20:30. Did something bad happen to him? What if the Agency is under attack? What if he got hurt as he was investigating? No, it can’t be… But if he’s fine, why hasn’t he texted or called at all? How do I know if he’s safe? If something bad happens to him I don’t know what I’m gonna do-”

Your inner paranoid monologue got interrupted as you heard footsteps from outside and the turning of keys in your door. 

“Honey, I’m home”, you heard his deep, exhausted voice from across the hall. 

You sighed, relieved that your love was finally back

“Welcome back, darling”, you shouted, trying to make yourself heard over the sound of the burning oil on the kitchen counter. “I’m so glad you’re back! It’s so late, you scared me to death! Is everything okay?”

There was no reply from him. 

“Darling?”

It’s okay, perhaps the oil was louder after all and he couldn’t hear you. 

“Dinner’s almost ready! Have a seat and I’ll serve you once it’s done” 

Moments later, you felt his warm embrace softly surround you from behind.

“Darling, is everything okay-” you were about to ask, turning to face him, but he held you tighter.

“Can I hold you like this for a minute and not say much… please…?”, he whispered. 

“Mhm” you nodded. It was the first time you saw Kunikida this tired. 

You felt his chest gently press against your back in intervals as he took some slow, deep breaths. You lovingly caressed his forearms, which were tightly wrapped around your waist, while his chin rested on top of your head. 

You cherished this sweet moment you two were sharing. Being held in his arms was so calming, it made you forget how late it was getting and how worried you were. Kunikida probably felt the same way, you noticed that his tense body was slowly relaxing.

“Thank you”, he said after a while, leaning his head down to kiss your cheek. 

“Long day, darling?”, you asked. 

“Mhm”

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“Not before dinner”

“Alright then”

“Is that Tonkatsu you’re making?”

“Yup”

“It smells so good…”

“I’ve prepared may other side dishes as well”

“Perfect. I’m so hungry...” 

“I can also prepare a warm bath for you while you’re eating”

“No thanks, let’s have dinner together. I’ll shower afterwards”

“As you wish”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t do this. I’ve been wearing these clothes all day”, he said, relaxing his hold on your waist.

“Don’t worry about it”, you replied, turning around and untying the red ribbon on this collar. “Let me just… get you a little bit more comfortable…”, you added, undoing the buttons of his beige waistcoat and the ones on the collar of his black shirt. 

“There you go”, you said with a soft smile.

“Thank you”, 

“Now, take these off, have a seat, and I’ll join you with the food shortly, okay?”. You gently cupped his face with both your hands.

“Okay”, he replied, before turning to leave, then coming back to hold your shoulders and plant a small kiss on the back of your neck.

“You look beautiful with your hair on a claw clip”, he whispered, making you subtly blush at the spontaneity of the compliment.

“Thank you darling, I’ll be there shortly”

“How do you like it?”, you inquired.

“It’s delicious”, he responded with his mouth half-full. You quietly giggled, you found it so cute.

“So, how was work?”

"Difficult..."

"Why did you have to stay so late?"

“Dazai and I were responsible for arranging the agency’s archives for the new season. Tons of paperwork, basically…”

“Dazai’s not very good with that, is he?”

“Oh don’t get me started on HIM…”

“Was he the one that threw you off schedule?”

“Obviously… Half of the work was on paper; old cases, and very confidential ones that we couldn’t afford to reveal in case a hacker attacked the agency”

“Okay, and the other half was digital, right?”

“Exactly, that’s how we work with new cases now. We decided to split things like that and work at the same time to make the process faster. And Dazai insisted on taking the digital ones”

“Mhm”

“‘I pRoOoOoMiSe, KuNiKiDa-KuUuUuNnNn, I’ll gEt iT aAaAaAaLL DoNe, I wOn’T gEt DiStRacTed!’”

You laughed at the accuracy of that. It’s true, Kunikida is very good at making people’s impressions.

“That fool got zero work done. When I looked at his computer screen, I found exactly 67 open tabs”, he ranted, as he took out his notebook, “including, but not limited to:”

“Oh my god…” you mumbled, knowing you were about to hear some very ridiculous things.

“A reddit post on how to download Goat Simulator for free, an ugly picture of me in high school - I have no idea how he accessed it - , and - stop laughing, it gets worse - his newly set up dating profile on Tinder, with his bio stating that he is ‘looking for a beautiful lady to commit double suicide with’”

This was just too funny not to laugh at.

“Poor thing…” you said, actually feeling sorry for the fact that he has to put up with Dazai’s antics, but still laughing. “I do wonder what that picture looks like though”.

“As you can probably tell, I ended up doing everything by myself, which is why I came home so late”, masterfully avoiding the remark on the high school picture.

“Yeah I can tell… It must have been exhausting”

“Yes it was… It gave me a terrible headache, but I took some aspirin before leaving the agency, so I’m fine now”

“Okay, I’m glad to hear that…”, you said, reaching out for his hand and warming it in your palms. You locked your eyes in his, making sure that he listened to every word you were about to say.

“I want you to know that I am very proud of you and the effort you’re putting in. You are very responsible, and I really admire your dedication. Rough days are expected, I’m sure you know that better than I do. It’s on days like this that I’m gonna be here for you, no matter what, and do everything I can to make it easier”

Kunikida’s expression softened. His eyes and eyebrows were now relaxed, and a little smile appeared on his lips. 

“Thank you so much… It’s very important to have someone during difficult times. You might make dinner for someone every day, but on a rough day, that dinner will matter a hundred times more. I’m so grateful for your care and everything you did for me tonight”, he responded sweetly, still holding his gentle gaze. 

After finishing your meal, you went back to the kitchen to do the dishes, while Kunikida was taking a shower and getting ready to go to sleep. Once you were done and went to your shared bedroom, you found Kunikida waiting for you in the futon, reading some notes from his notebook. 

“How long have you been waiting for me?”

“About a quarter”

“Why? You really need to rest. Tomorrow is a brand new day”

“There’s one thing you’re forgetting about”, he pointed out, taking off his glasses and leaving them on the floor next to him

You shook your head in confusion as you lay down next to him. You were tired too, something must have slipped your mind.

“Goodnight kiss. Seven seconds on the lips every night. Releases oxytocin and reinforces feelings of connection and bonding”

“Oh, that’s right. I thought we were skipping that because you’re exhausted”

“The rules are rules”, he proclaimed as he turned to face you and show you the importance of staying disciplined.

Kunikida merged your lips together in a slow, tender, loving kiss, which slightly exceeded its assigned duration. You found it incredibly sweet that he remembered it despite his fatigue. 

“Thank you for everything once again. I’m so lucky to have you by my side”, he said, pecking your forehead. 

“Goodnight honey”

“Sweet dreams darling”, you whispered, gently stroking his head. Just a few moment have passed, and Kunikida was already drifting to sleep.

“Darling?”

“Hm?”

“About this high school picture of yours…”

Blunt and expressionless, he didn’t even bother to open his eyes.

“Not happening.”

A/N: The image of Kunikida wearing his black shirt with its buttons undone (especially if it's all the way down) is fueling my dirty little mind, but I'll keep it for a future piece heheh

[im-a-matt-girl]

Hi!!❤❤ Can you write an imagine where reader is going through a hard time and matt is just being there for them?<3

"Dog" (tw: humane animal death)

I sigh and put my phone down on the table. Today has not been my day. I don't even want to read the group texts between me and my siblings right now. They're freaking out, and I can't be bothered.

"What's wrong, you good?" you say, coming over toward me and resting your hand on my shoulder.

"Oh, Matt," I shake my head. "I just got some bad news from my mom. She had to put our family dog down. She wasn't doing so well. And even though I saw it coming, I…" My voice trails off as I become choked up with emotion.

You sit down next to me and rub my back comfortingly. "I'm sorry," you say softly. "That's really tough."

I nod, blinking back tears. You wrap your arms around me in a warm embrace. Something about your presence is (innately?) soothing to me. I take deep breaths to calm myself, and I return your hug weakly, with all of the strength I can muster.

"What can I do to help you feel better?" you ask me.

I sniff. "I don't know… Can I just talk about her?"

"Of course," you answer, looking into my eyes. "I'm here to listen. Whatever you want to say."

I tell you about how we found her, abandoned, at just a few weeks old. I tell you about how we raised her, and how difficult it was for a while. I tell you about how she was the most loyal dog I'd ever seen, and the first dog that I had made a real connection with. "She's the reason I love dogs now," I conclude.

You smile at me, nodding your head understandingly. "She sounds great," you say. "You had a lot of good times with her."

"Yeah," I reply. I look at you and smile. "Thank you, I do feel better now."

You hug me once more. "Any time," you tell me.

[kexing]

[if you find it creepy that I comment on your mental health notes like a creeper, please say so]

Hey MJ. I read your notes about making zero progress and going backwards. I don’t want to offer platitudes or condescend to you because i don’t know what your life is like and what you’re dealing with, but i wanted you to know that from this internet stranger’s perspective, you are brave and strong. Because i look at your blog, and i see someone who is kind and compassionate, who loves passionately and unapologetically, someone who is still hopeful. And to me, that takes courage, that takes emotional strength and resilience, to still see beauty in the darkness, to put yourself out there where others can see, to deliberately choose love and kindness over and over again.

Yours is the only blog i visit regularly because you are witty and talented and unhinged in the best kind of way, yes, but above all because your blog is a safe place for me. Last week i had to put down my 14-year-old cat. It was one of the hardest things i’ve ever had to do. I had a panic attack at work and had to take the rest of the day off. I got home and opened Tumblr and looked at your Dating Sim gif sets. And it just settled something deep inside me. I’m still a mess, but when i need a smile or to escape for a little while, your blog is my go-to. Think of the prettiest pink sky, the softest soft hug, that is what your blog is to me. And all you ever had to do is be your—talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique—self. 💖

[you said that you sometimes find motivation in fannish things but not so much in other things. someone i respect very much once said that to be a fan of / be obsessed with something, that is living with love. those who know love and those who don’t have very different qualities of life. i think it’s such a lovely way to describe hyperfixation: we are living with love]

i do not find it creepy, friend!! this is a public blog and i enjoy when people interact with my posts/tags. promise, it’s all fine! 🥰🥰🥰

hi! first of all, my DEEPEST condolences to you. i know how pets can be super important to us, my dog is already old and sometimes i try to prepare myself because i know sooner or later he’ll have to leave me. but i don’t think one can truly be ready for something like that. so i completely understand your struggle and even though it’s so incredibly hard, you’re dealing with it as best as you can and you’re sooo strong for that!! most days i don’t think i live on without my dog. god knows how exactly i’m going to do that akdkskdkks but we gotta live one day at a time and make the most of them. it’s all we really have!

so i’m sending you lots of hugs and positive energy!!

when you mentioned visiting my blog regularly and feeling a little better after seeing my our dating sim gifset, i legit started crying 😭😭😭 (granted, i cried a lot today but this is the first happy tears. so thank you!)

i mean, i do like sharing about my struggles sometimes because i don’t want people to think i’m just preaching toxic positivity and that i never go through tough times when that’s simply not true. i hit rock bottom every day but happiness is made of lil moments and i get to have many of those throughout the day as well, most of them here making and sharing things i love with my mutuals.

it’s just my choice to focus on the good moments instead of the bad ones and i want to be defined by my choices, not my struggles.

but i didn’t really expect to bring that kind of comfort to someone else and it really moves me that i can help you in any way, even if just for one second. losing a loved one is sooooooo hard, i’m happy that i can keep you company and that this can be a safe place for you, even if i didn’t know that. so thank you for telling me about it!!

we are living with love 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭 that is so beautiful and so true!!!

and you know what? i can live without being loved but i simply cannot live without loving things and people but i wouldn’t have it any other way!!! while being loved is one of the most wonderful things ever, i get to have little pieces of everything that i love in me as well and that’s enough 🥰

thank you so much for reaching out!! for writing such lovely words, they really touched a very deeeeeeeeep part of my heart and i feel floored by your kindness.

takes a brave, strong and compassionate person to know what bravery, strength and compassion look like. so everything you see in me reflects exactly the type of person you are!! we’re all mirrors of our thoughts and actions!!!

i’m sure your cat had a lovely life and was very lucky to be loved by you!!!!!!!!!!

take care of yourself, angel!!!! love you ❤️💙

[life-with-a-4yearold]

my first post!

So I decided I would start blogging, but didn’t know where to start. Why I decided was because my life is hectic, chaotic, funny and down right stressful. I have a 4 year old child a 2.5 year old german shepherd and a partner we have a 3 bed ex council house and live in a lovely little village. All seems great ? well no… we may sound like your typical family but we have a lot of baggage our life isn’t perfect in fact far from perfect. We have our arguments we have days where we laugh non stop, there are days when all I want to do is cry and forget the world. Times are tough when you have a 4 year old who doesn’t want to listen and is so head strong that you feel like breaking down but yet shes the most caring child and loves us and her dog more then anything, like we love her. So I decided i would write about it to let people no they are not alone. I’ll tell you something, its not easy having children I only have one and find that hard. Starting from the beginning. Pregnancy was terrible, heartburn, sickness, aches and pains. I found out I just was pregnant November 2018. I had her on June 18th 2019. She starts school this year. What 4 years its been, we have moved 3 times. Our first dog died he got run over. We then got another dog his an arsehole we got him when my daughter was 1 and he was 9 weeks old. Now that was a mistake! Having a 9 week old puppy and 1 year old just walking. Now shes 4 and his nearly 3 they have both become best friends and wont leave each others side, typical german shepherd behaviour.

Days turn in to weeks in this house, I do anything for a simple life. Cant be arsed to put the washing away I wont, don’t feel like hoovering today I wont. I do everything and its ok to have a day off every now and then, we have a take away on a Saturday night so I don’t have to cook 7 times out of 10 we will have one then too. I HATE having to cook when I don’t want to. The theought of having to think of what to cook for dinner drives me crazy! And no one eats the same thing EVER roast dinner I im the only one who eats veg. my daughter will eat carrots peas and broccoli my partner don’t eat fuck all. Im fed up of doing different dinners, no what I think the dog actually eats more then what we do. No point in me even buying dog food he eats everything they leave which is pretty much the whole plate! End up doing cheesy pasta!! Fucking cheesy pasta.

Days out? Yeah all sound great until you get a screaming 4 year old because they want an ice cream which costs about £8? Since when did 99’s cost so much ? no wonder no one wants to go out anymore, we went to the zoo just to get in cost £109.98! for the FUCKING zoo!! As we was walking round you get them people that just decide to stop in the middle of the path and get in everyones fucking way and DON’T move. Finally get passed mumbling fucking idiots under your breath. Still while youre kids screaming because you’ve refused to pay £8 for a 99. Sweating because its 1000 degrees. Thinking what the fuck was I thinking. To make things worse walk past the gorillas and they are only having abit and now got to explain to a 4 year old that they are just playing, and that’s what they do. Had to buy the £8 ice cream to get her to move away from them. So not only are we sweating skint and now traumatized, we have a 4 year old that’s witnessed 2 gorllias going at it. Well that’s the only thing she did see as no other bastard animal was out!! Now were all hungry thirsty and fed up… find a nice little food shack got 2 burgers and a hot dog and shared some chips…. £36.00 sorry what ? for 2 burgers a hot dog and one portion of chips ? didn’t even get the drinks because my idiot partner forgot them!! Well glad he did would have had to taken out a second mortgage! Fucking livid at this point, in the end we walked round rest may have seen a zebra could have been a rhino, I was so hot and thirsty I don’t know what I was seeing. Gift shop on the way out why??? The DRAMA we had when we said she couldn’t have anything because it was to expensive. Dragging her out by her feet, while shes screaming she wants a monkey. LAST thing I wanted to see. FINALLY we gave in got her it and then finally got back to the car, shes strapped in and me and my partner look at each other with the look of defeat and just sigh. Drove home in silence the whole way. TRAUMATIZED by the experience. Bitch bag is in the bag seat flat out asleep clenching her new £18.00 toy that is about the size of a small banana. Excuse the pun. Ive never looked forward to getting home so much in my life. We ended up all having a bath put fresh pjs on I opened and drank 2 bottles of wine while crying lol. Ordered a kebab watched the rest of Paw patrol the movie and off we went to bed. Day over all to be done again in a couple weeks time.

To Be Continued….. one very tired and stressed mum.  

[vivacoded]

October 2, 2023

Current Mood: fine, a little anxious

Day Rating: 5/10

Another day doing online college... Or so I thought. That makes it sound like I spent the day on some thrilling adventure, but really I just didn't have any work to do. I had the whole house to myself like I usually do on weekdays, so I spent today just lounging around at my kitchen table with my dog.

I feel bad for her though lmao. The kitchen window was open so we could hear all the birds tweeting outside, but I had a song stuck in my head. The Song with Five Names, a​.​k​.​a. Soapbox Tao, a​.​k​.​a. Checkmate Atheists! a​.​k​.​a. Neospace Government, a​.​k​.​a. You Can Never Know by Will Wood to be exact. Say that 10 times fast. See, when I have a song stuck in my head, I can't just listen to it once. Not twice. Not even three times. I have to listen to it over and over and over and overandoverandoverandoverandover again on repeat until I'm satisfied. I think that's a form of stimming. Lately I've been having one Will Wood song stuck in my head per day. I wouldn't be surprised if he's the only artist that shows up in my Spotify Wrapped. Anyways, back to my dog, poor girl just wanted to rest her old bones and take a nap, but here I am blasting some evil jazz on repeat because I can't function otherwise. Or maybe she's used to it by now :P

Later today, after dinner to be exact, my mom took me out driving again. I've only ever driven in parking lots, so she wanted me to get at least some experience on the road before I meet with my instructor on Wednesday (which, by the way, I found out there's no female instructors at that school. Being in a car with some random man? Yuck!) The original plan was just to drive around the block, but I eventually wanted to practice some more since I felt like I was getting the hang of things.

I drove around the whole town for a while, which wasn't really a lot since I live in a small town, and I eventually got the courage to drive on a real road. I didn't drive on the real road too much, to be fair, but it was still my first time actually being on one. It was a little scary, but there weren't many cars out this evening. The most aggravating part was waiting for cars to pass so I could actually turn onto the road.

Tomorrow, my mom wants me to take on more populated roads. Nothing big, just in the next town over. She specifically wants me to go to this store, and it makes me wonder if it's just an excuse to take her out shopping lmao.

Oh! I drove by some houses in my town that are already decorated for Halloween. There was one house in the very back road that did an excellent job utilizing the small yard they had to strategically place props. There didn't seem to be any specific theme, but I'm not complaining. All the stuff they had put out there was awesome. I'm going to go window shopping for Halloween props and decorations later this month, so maybe I can find where those people got their stuff from. People always hype up Spirit Halloween, but other stores like Party City and Home Depot have really cool things too. Sometimes they're even better!

I hope when I'm living on my own, I'll be able to make enough money where I can buy cool Halloween props too. Hell, I'd keep a couple in my house all year long if they fit my decorations. Man, if I had money, I'd be so cool. I hate that I need money in order to express myself and be happy, but I also want money so bad. The world is tough like that, I suppose.

Another diary entry where I rambled a lot about an uneventful day. I wonder what will happen when I have an eventful day. I might end up writing a novel lmao. Not that it matters. This is my corner of the internet. It's possible that no one will even read these entries anyways. Just me and my own thoughts. Marking my existence on the internet so I won't be forgotten.

[runnning-outof-time]

A Night In | Tommy Shelby x Reader

Request: yes by @elenavampire21

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader

Summary: Upon arriving home from a business trip, Tommy has plans of taking his wife out for a nice dinner. Those plans get thwarted the second his daughter runs into his arms, and he decides that spending the night in would be better than anything else in the world.

Warnings: none — just a bunch of tooth-rotting fluff and dad!Tommy ... oh, and Tommy says ‘hell’ once

Word Count: 3714

A/N: ok...you can add this to my horribly long list of things I’d like to do with Tommy. I think I went a little overboard on the fluff in this one haha. Enjoy!

I’D LOVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! - YOUR THOUGHTS & COMMENTS HELP ME WRITE!

(Y/N) sat on the couch in the sitting room with her feet spread out on the rest of its cushions. She was absentmindedly running her hand along her swollen stomach as she watched her four year old daughter dance around the room to the music coming from the radio in the corner. They'd just gotten it, and the little girl loved to listen to the music and radio shows that played on it daily.

"Mummy, can you help me make a blanket fort?" Stella Shelby asked after she finished her dance routine that she was preparing to show her daddy when he got back from his trip. She put on her best puppy dog look as she came to a stop in front of her mother at the side of the couch.

"I'd love to, darling, but your baby sibling in my belly won't let me," (Y/N) frowned as she gave her response, "if I sit down on the floor with you, I won't be able to get up unless daddy helps me, and he's not here right now."

Stella's mood dampened instantly at her mother's answer. This was the way it's been for the past three months. She wished that her baby sibling would just get here already so that her mummy could play with her again. "I wish daddy was home already," she pouted, her eyes dropping to the floor as she hung her head.

(Y/N) sighed, her heart clenching at the sight of her daughter being sad. "He's on his way, Stella, remember? He called us earlier to tell us he was coming home today," she reminded the child in hopes that it would brighten her spirit.

"Do you think that he'll be home sooner, or later?" she asked, offering up one of her deep, four year old logic questions.

"I don't know for sure..." (Y/N) trailed off, tapping her chin as she thought, "but I think it'll be soon," she smiled at the little girl who had looked up at her once more. Seeing her child smile instantly put her in a better mood. It got tough when Tommy went on these long trips. (Y/N) had gotten used to it, but Stella was just at the point now where she could understand her father's absence, and the length of time which it took for him to get back. Needless to say, she missed him when he was gone.

"I'm going to ask daddy to make a fort with me when he comes home," she said then, her mind made up already.

"I'm sure he'd love to do that, sweetie," (Y/N) smiled at her daughter, who then moved back to the dolls she had spread out across the floor.

They carried on for a little longer; Stella on the floor playing and (Y/N) relaxing on the couch, until the sound of a car approaching the house was heard. Stella immediately jumped up from the floor with the biggest smile on her face. "Daddy!" she exclaimed, excitement radiating through her body. It was contagious and (Y/N) couldn't help but smile.

"Go," she nodded to her daughter, sending the little girl off running for the front door just as the engine of the automobile outside went silent. It took (Y/N) a moment to swing her legs around the side of the couch and get herself prepared to stand. They were expecting their newest addition any day now, and most days, she felt like a beached whale. She was excited to be bringing a new life into the world though, and had been overjoyed since the moment she'd found out that she was pregnant. She was happy that Stella was going to be getting a little sibling.

"Daddy!" she heard Stella scream as she literally waddled to the front door. By the time she got to the open doorway, Tommy was in the process of lifting the little girl up into his arms so that he could hold onto her tightly.

"Hello, my little love. I've missed you so much," he spoke into her hair before he kissed her on the forehead.

"I missed you so much too, daddy!" Stella cheered, bringing her head back from her father's neck so that she could give him a big kiss on the cheek. She then squirmed out of his arms and dropped to the ground before she grabbed hold of his hand. "Come see mummy," she coaxed him to the steps of the house, where (Y/N) was standing and watching their interaction.

"Hello, mumma," Tommy grinned as he laid his eyes on her, coming to a stop on the top step where she was.

"Hi, Tommy," she smiled up at him, her heart swelling at hearing the sound of his voice in person again. She'd talked to him many times on the phone while he was away, but it wasn't the same. Nothing could compare to him being right in front of her.

"You look beautiful," he complimented her, his eyes moving over her frame that was covered by a plain house dress, which was being stretched to its limits by her large baby bump.

(Y/N) couldn't help but laugh softly at his words. "I look like a beached whale," she contested his opinion.

"You're pregnant with our child, love," he reminded her with a shake of his head, his hands falling to her stomach. He then started rubbing his thumbs gently against the fabric of her dress.

Almost immediately, the baby was moving in her stomach, kicking against the pressure of Tommy's hands. "It seems that they missed you," she commented with a laugh. This little one was really only active when Tommy was around.

"Yes, it does," Tommy nodded his head, a smile on his face, "it won't be long now."

"Any day," (Y/N) responded in agreement, a mixture of nerves and giddiness filling her stomach. Giving birth wasn't exactly a walk in the park, but it was worth it in the end.

"Do you have anything nice to wear?" Tommy asked then.

"For what occasion?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"I wanted to take you out for dinner. It's been a while, my love," he informed her of his plan.

Before (Y/N) could respond, Stella was tugging on the side of Tommy's coat. It seemed as if she was getting impaitent with standing and watching her parents converse. "Daddy, I wanna go inside," she said to him, not ceasing her tugging.

Her voice made him break his eye contact and glance down at her, "you can," he nodded his head towards the door.

Stella didn't move though. "I want you to come in with me. Mummy can't make a fort and she said you can help me," she explained before jutting her lower lip out in a pout. Tommy looked back to (Y/N), whose expression confirmed that what the child said was true.

He then nodded at the little girl, "go on in and get the things you need, Stella. I'll be in in a minute." The little girl nodded and made her way through the doorway, eager to get started on the fort.

Tommy then looked at (Y/N) again, and it was then that she realized she didn't give him an answer to his previous suggestion. So she let out a sigh and glanced down at his hands resting on her. "I don't know about going out tonight, Tommy. I've been having trouble keeping much down these past few days and I wouldn't want to have to be rushing to find a bathroom," she gave him her answer, not even trying to sugar coat it.

"Fair enough," Tommy nodded, not fighting her decision.

"You'd better get in there now, daddy...you promised that little girl that you'd make a fort with her, and she's not gonna forget that," she told him, a smile forming on her face as she looked up at him.

Tommy smiled again, looking past his wife and through the doorway briefly before his eyes fell to her again. "Oh I know that she'll raise hell if I'm not in there with her," he stated, his hands moving to her hips before he squeezed them gently. "I'm happy to be home with my girls again," he whispered before leaning down to kiss (Y/N) on the lips. She smiled into the kiss, happy to have the feeling of his lips on hers back in her life again, because there weren't many feelings that compared to it.

After they pulled away, Tommy dropped his hold from her sides so that he could clasp her hand in his and lead her into the house. He brought her into the front sitting room, where Stella was finishing up stacking several blankets on one of the couches. She also had multiple throw pillows scattered around the floor. Their different designs told (Y/N) that she'd acquired them from different rooms in the house. It was amazing how fast she was able to stockpile these supplies.

"Are you ready, daddy?" Stella asked with the biggest smile as she turned around to face her parents.

"Never been more ready in my life," Tommy grinned, letting go of (Y/N)'s hand so that he could get started with the fort building. He only looked back to (Y/N) when he got to his post, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. "Joining?" he asked expectantly.

"I'm going to go ask Frances to get the chef started on dinner. Stella and I haven't eaten and I'm sure your just chomping at the bit to eat, right?" she responded, cracking a grin as she teased him shamelessly. Her words earned a chuckle and a shake of the head from him.

After speaking to Frances and letting her know that dinner could be started, (Y/N) moved back into the sitting room, where construction on the blanket fort was in full swing. She couldn't help but laugh as she walked in to see Tommy's backside sticking halfway out of the canopy they made.

"You're too big, dad! You're gonna break it!" Stella's giggles could be heard from the inside of the fort.

"Well let's make it bigger then, eh?" Tommy responded before he backed his way out from the fort. (Y/N) laughed again at the fact that his hair was sticking straight up in parts from the static the blankets caused. Tommy just grinned at her before he flung the blanket off of the couch, making Stella laugh loudly.

Before he could go about placing the blanket back onto the couch, Stella's eyes locked onto her mother. "Come be in the fort with me, mummy!" she explained, frantically waving her over then. (Y/N) thought why not? and moved over, using the back of the couch to slowly ease herself onto the ground. She felt pressure on her hips when she sat down, but she ignored it. The feeling that she got when she played with her daughter trumped the uncomfortable feeling she had right now. "Cover us up, daddy!" Stella cheered then, clapping her hands together in excitement as Tommy got to placing the blanket higher on the couch so that the tent it made was taller than before. Stella was full of giggles as she and (Y/N) were completely concealed by the blanket.

Then Tommy was in the entry way. "Uh uh, Tommy...this is a girls fort only," (Y/N) stated, holding her hand out so as to say 'stop'. Stella giggled along with her mother's words before the older woman looked down at her, "we don't want any stinky boys in here, right?" she said then, scrunching her nose up in mock disgust.

"Right!" Stella agreed loudly between her giggles.

Tommy looked between his wife and daughter for a moment before he put a frown on his face, a fake one of course. He then sat on the ground in a slumped manner before he covered his eyes and started hysterically crying. These tears were so obviously fake, but Stella didn't quite catch onto it. So she immediately crawled over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Oh, daddy, I'm sorry...we didn't mean to hurt your feelings," she said in a soft voice as she patted the top of his head comfortingly. Tommy didn't let up on his act just yet, still fake-crying into his hands. "Right, mummy? We didn't mean to make you feel sad," Stella looked to (Y/N) for backup. She only nodded her head as she tried so hard to keep the smile from forming on her face. "You can join us, daddy."

Then Tommy's 'tears' ceased, and he slowly looked up at his daughter. "Really?" he checked, hope in his eyes.

"Yes, of course! It is a girls tent, but we can make an exception for you. It can be a girls and daddy's tent," Stella chirped, a smile on her face as she thought up a solution.

"I like that idea," Tommy nodded, "thank you for letting me into your tent," he smiled down at the little girl, who nodded before she moved back over to (Y/N)'s side. He moved the rest of the way in before sitting down against an open pillow. "So what do we do inside the tent?" he questioned once they were all settled.

"We talk about girl things, right mummy?" Stella responded, looking over at her mother for approval.

"Yes, we do. Things like dolls, and ponies, and all of the silly things that daddy does," (Y/N) rattled off some topics before sending a wide smile in Tommy's direction. Stella just giggled at what her mother had to say, nodding along with what was said.

"I don't know if I want to be part of the girls tent then," Tommy stated jokingly as he started to crawl back to the entrance.

"It's too late, you're already stuck!" Stella exclaimed as she quickly crawled over to block the exit before Tommy could leave.

"Nooo!" he exclaimed dramatically.

"You're stuck in here forever!" Stella exclaimed in between her giggles.

"Not if I tickle the gatekeeper," Tommy grinned before he lunged forward and started ticking Stella mercilessly.

"No! Daddy! Stop!" she screamed between her giggles, her small body flopping around as she tried to get out of his grasp.

"Mr. Shelby," Frances' voice came through the laughter as she leaned down to peek into the fort, a smile on her face. "Dinner is ready and has been served in the dining hall," she informed him, and Tommy nodded, only then ceasing the tickle fest he'd brought on.

"Thank you, Frances," he responded formally before he glanced down at his daughter. "Want to go eat, bug?" he asked her, watching as she immediately nodded her head. She then squirmed out of his lap and hurried out of the fort, just about pulling the structure down with her.

Tommy then started to crawl out, only to be stopped by (Y/N) speaking up from where she was still sitting, "are you gonna help me out, too?" she questioned incredulously.

"I suppose so," he let out a dramatic sigh before a grin formed on his face. He then exited the fort before moving over to the center of it. "I have to desconstruct the fort a bit, Stella. Mum's gotta come out through the ceiling," he told the little girl waiting next to him. She only giggled as Tommy removed the blanket, exposing (Y/N) to the open room again. "Alright, love, up you get," he said then, offering his hand to her. She took it, allowing him to pull her upwards slowly. She moved to her knees before she got onto her feet and started to move into a standing position. As soon as Tommy was able to, he wrapped his arm around her waist, making it easier for her to transfer her weight as she got upright. "Ok?" he checked once she was standing, knowing that she sometimes got head-rushes if she moved too quickly.

"Yes," she nodded back. Stella took that as her go ahead to lead the family into the dining room, where their dinner was already prepared on the table for them. "Stella, that program is coming on tonight," (Y/N) said as she started eating her food.

"It is!" Stella responded with glee, wiggling a little in her seat due to the happiness she was feeling.

"What program?" Tommy questioned from the head of the table.

"It's a radio show. Like a play almost. They happen every Thursday night. Stella loves listening to them," (Y/N) filled him in.

"This one's called My Little Darling, I think. Right, mum?" Stella informed him, looking over to her mother for validation.

"Yes, it is," (Y/N) answered as she nodded her head.

"So it's a program about you?" Tommy questioned, a smile on his face as he looked over at Stella.

"No!" Stella shrieked in between her giggles, "the play's not about me," she stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

"You are my little darling though," Tommy told her. The little girl only giggled at his words before she looked to her food, her cheeks flushing red at her father's sweet words. She was a daddy's girl through and through.

After they finished their meal, the trio moved back into the sitting room, where (Y/N) made sure that the radio was turned on and tuned into the proper station before she made her way over to the couch.

"C'mere, love," Tommy waved her over to where he was already sitting, a smile on his face. She didn't need to be told twice, and she eased herself down on the open cushion so that she was sitting next to him. She smiled at him before turning her head to look at her daughter, who was already spinning around the room as she listened to the opening music of the program.

She watched Stella for a few minutes before she felt Tommy's hands snake around her waist. She started to giggle almost immediately at the touch. Her sides had gotten way more sensitive during this pregnancy. "You're tickling me," she got out between her giggles as she looked over at Tommy.

"That wasn't my intention," he said as he let out a chuckle. His hands stayed on her sides and he put a gentle pressure on them, silently conveying to her that he wanted her to move closer to him.

(Y/N) listened, slowly turning her body to rest back against his chest before she brought her feet up to lay on the other half of the couch. Tommy sunk deeper into the couch to get comfortable with his wife laying against him before he brought his hand up to run against her swollen stomach. She smiled as she felt him kiss the top of her head. Then, their attention fell onto Stella, who was singing and dancing away to the song that the actors of the play were singing. (Y/N) had the widest smile on her face as she watched on. Seeing her daughter happy brought her so much joy.

"She's pretty good," Tommy commented from behind her, breaking the peaceful reverie they'd been caught up in.

"She is," (Y/N) agreed with a slight laugh, "think we're gonna be attending many plays and recitals in the near future."

Tommy took a deep breath and let it out as a sigh, "and my mind immediately goes to the amount of boys I'm going to have to scare off when she gets older." (Y/N) couldn't help but laugh at his comment.

"We've got a long ways off from that, Tom. No need to worry about it now," she reminded him, twisting her fingers into his so that their both hands were now resting on her stomach.

Stella was now hopping back and forth between the characters she was playing, reciting the dialogue almost perfectly as well as adding in different vocal tones and facial expressions. She was the epitomy of a one-woman play at the moment.

"How does she know these lines?" Tommy spoke up again, confusion in his voice. (Y/N) laughed at his amazement.

"She's really destined to be a star, isn't she? She even knows the lines before they say them," she played into his confusion, turning her head slightly to see him looking over at the little girl with wide eyes. She was trying so hard not to burst into a fit of giggles.

"I'm about to say she's a psychic at this point," he gawked at his daughter's abilities, "seriously, how does she know the lines before they're even said?"

"She's heard this broadcast before," (Y/N) told him then, unable to hold her laughter in any longer.

"You're kidding."

"We listened to it last Thursday. She's obsessed with it. Has been singing it and dancing around the house humming the songs," she elaborated, making Tommy chuckle again, shaking his head slightly as he continued to watch Stella dance around without a care.

His heart swelled as the little girl's eyes caught his and her smile grew ten times wider. "I'm off until the baby gets here. No more trips; just working in me office," he told (Y/N) then, his eyes still focused on Stella.

"Really, Tommy?" (Y/N) got excited at the sound of that. He'd been out more than he was home these past few months. She was happy to hear that he was planning on staying home with them now.

"Yes, really. Wanna be around for you and help out with Stella," Tommy nodded even though she couldn't see him, "and I'll help out any way I can when this little one comes," he finished off his statement by splaying his hand against her stomach. As if on cue, the baby kicked right where his hand was placed, making both (Y/N) and Tommy laugh.

There was nothing better than this, and at that moment, Tommy vowed that he'd share more times like this with his family. Having a simple night in was much better than any extravagant or elaborate thing that could be thought up or put on.

Tagged: @alreadybroken-ts @magicalxdaydream @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @golden-hoax @elenavampire21

MASTERLIST

[itsapeterthing]

Three’s a Crowd || Bucky Barnes

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader

summary: when you come down to visit your boyfriend, bucky barnes, at the wilson residence and see his interaction with sam’s nephews firsthand- you can’t help but entertain the idea of having a family of your own with the super soldier.

a/n: here’s some short and sweet fluff prior to the season finale! reblogs and/or replies are super appreciated!!

word count: 2k

warnings: mentions of starting a family? it’s pure fluff

masterlist || request || taglist

“Hey sleepyhead.” You hummed, running your fingers through your boyfriend’s hair.

At the sound of your voice and the gentle touch of your fingers slipping through his hair and brushing against his skin ever so slightly, Bucky opened his eyes to bet met with your figure sitting at his side, staring down at him. 

No matter how many times he woke up to see you first thing in the morning with the sunlight highlighting your features, he would swear he was in heaven- utterly consumed with the feeling of pure bliss.

“Hi, doll.” He smiled, his voice still raspy.

At the feeling of his hands moving to lay on either side of your waist you smiled. “Hi.”

“What are you doing here?” He asked, realizing that you had come all the way down to the Wilson’s home when the last place Bucky had left you before going on his mission with Sam was at your shared apartment in New York.

“I missed you.” You shrugged. 

“I told you I was coming home today, Y/n.”

“I know, Buck.” You said, now laying your palm against his cheek. “But I heard about everything that happened and I couldn’t wait another day to see you.”

Looking up at you and leaning into your palm that was cupping his cheek, Bucky couldn’t believe how he ever got so lucky as to have you.

Breaking him out of his moment spent admiring you, he heard the sound of Sam’s nephews running into the room, and turned his head only to see them playing with the famous vibranium shield in their hands.

“Hey!” He exclaimed.

Immediately upon being caught by the super soldier, the boys dropped the shield onto the ground, scurrying out of the room, no doubt scared about getting caught with their uncle’s prized possession.

“Look at you babysitting.” You laughed, playfully swatting at your boyfriend’s chest.

Bucky caught your hand midair and scoffed. “I’m not babysitting... it’s just... dangerous... you know?”

“Sure,” You smiled. “Whatever you say, tough guy.”

Grasping the dog tags that were lying on his chest, you gently tugged on the chain and brought his face inches away from yours. Seeing his sleepy, smiling face- you brought your lips to meet his for a soft kiss before pulling away.

“One more?” He asked, quirking his eyebrows.

“Go brush your teeth first.” You laughed, watching as he threw you a fake pout. “Then I’ll see what I can do.”

-

Although the two of you spent the remainder of the day apart- Bucky training with Sam and you helping Sarah with things she needed done around the property- you came together again on the docks that evening while the Sun began to set over the horizon.

Carrying a crate in your hands that you had assured Sarah wasn’t too heavy for you, you made your way near the boat again, laying your eyes on your super soldier boyfriend for the first time since that morning.

You swear your heart could’ve burst right in your chest, taking in the sight in front of you.

Bucky was stood at the end of the dock, one hand on his knee while he chatted with Sam and his sister beside him. His other arm- his vibranium one- was stretched out and you couldn’t help the smile that crept onto your face as you witnessed Sam’s nephews and other children you hadn’t seen before hanging off of it, laughing to one another in awe about how “cool” his arm was. 

With the golden hue of the sunset setting over your boyfriend’s features, you wished you had a camera on you so you could never forget the moment. You could’ve sworn you would’ve stood there for eternity staring if it weren’t for Bucky catching your eye, waving back at you smiling.

Although you couldn’t hear him, you watched as he said something to the kids, gently shaking them off of his arm, before striding over to you.

“Here, let me take that.” He offered, taking the crate from your arms and setting it down on the dock.

Watching as he did so, your mind was still utterly consumed with the image you had just seen in front of you.

“So kids really seem to like you, huh?” You asked.

“What?” He asked, before remembering what he had just been up to. “Oh that?” Bucky asked gesturing back towards where the kids were playing at the end of the dock. “No... they just like the arm, you know?”

As much as you loved your boyfriend, you knew that he was completely naive when it came to the positive effects he had on people.

“Buck...” You cooed, reaching for his hands and pulling his body closer to yours. “When are you going to realize that people like you for you? They think you’re cool! Sure, the metal arm helps, but just admit it babe- kids like you.”

Resting his hands on your waist, you watched as a teasing smirk formed on his face.

“Why are you so obsessed with how kids act around me today?”

As soon as he asked, you began to feel flustered by him not only noticing, but calling you out on it. You hadn't realized you were being so obvious, but you could barely help yourself. Seeing your boyfriend, Bucky Barnes, surrounded by kids? You couldn’t help but think of him surrounded by children of your own. All you could think about all day when not engaged in an active conversation with those around you was entertaining the idea of starting a family with your favorite 106 year-old man.

“I’m not!” You exclaimed, playfully swatting at his chest. “Why are you so obsessed with me being obsessed about you with kids? Hmm? Wanna answer that old man?”

Watching as you laughed while teasing him, Bucky couldn’t help but get lost in the moment.

“Buck-” You began.

“You know you look so beautiful right now?” He cut you off.

You bit your bottom lip to try to hide the large smile that was creeping over your face at his compliment. No matter how long the two of you had been together, or how many times he complimented you, he always knew how to make you feel the same butterflies you did the first time you met him.

“Especially with the sunset? You look beautiful all the time, doll, but... wow.” He said.

“Bucky, stop flattering me.” You insisted, running your hands up his chest before wrapping your arms around the back of his neck.

“I mean it, Y/n.” He said. “You’re the best looking thing on this damn planet.”

Utterly consumed in the moment, you couldn’t help but smile.

“Me?” You asked. “Have you ever seen yourself? I swear I want our kids to look just like you.”

As soon as the sentence slipped out of your mouth, you regretted it. It came out so naturally you hadn’t even had time to think about it before you essentially just confessed to your boyfriend that you wanted to have children with him.

Although you and him had no doubt in your minds that you would spend the rest of your lives together, you understood that now might not have been the best time to bring up such a big life change with both of you only being thrown back into existence half a year ago and him being consumed in his work not only in saving the world, but in saving himself.

Embarrassed, you tried to weasel your way out of his grasp, but he only gripped his hands tighter on your waist pulling you towards him.

“What did you say?” He asked.

“I’m so sorry! Forget I said anything-” You pleaded.

“No, Y/n, stop. Stop apologizing.” He said. “Were you... were you talking about kids all day because you were thinking about... were you thinking about me being a dad?”

As you looked into his eyes, you could see how serious he was and you knew you couldn’t lie to him.

“Yes.”

The two of you stood staring at each other in silence for a few moments and just as you were beginning to grow afraid that you might have ruined everything, you watched as your boyfriend began to chuckle, a light smile playing on his lips.

“What?” You asked. “What is it?”

“Thank God.”

Quirking your eyebrows you pressed again. “What do you mean?”

“What do I mean?” He asked playfully, pulling on your waist to tug you closer towards him. “Do you think I haven’t been thinking the same thing all day?”

“What-”

“Y/n.” He said seriously, the smile leaving his face. “You’ve been taking care of Sam’s nephews all day. Do you think the thought hasn’t crossed my mind? I know... I know I’ve been through a lot... we’ve been through a lot... but I want this with you.”

You could feel your heart swell in your chest, listening to your boyfriend’s words.

“What are you saying, Buck?” You asked.

“You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?” He asked, smiling once again. “Okay. Today when I couldn’t tie the kid’s shoelaces because of my hand and you stepped in and did it for me I thought about how good of a mom you would be. You’d be such a good mom, Y/n. I’m a piece of work- I know that- but God you would be so good at it and if I have... you know... mini me’s running around I wouldn’t want anyone else because I know that they would be the most loved and cared for kids in the damn world having you as their mom.”

You once again couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face as you listened to your boyfriend’s praise. It wasn’t uncommon for bucky to worship the ground you walked on, but for him to give such a compliment regarding a future family of your own, you couldn’t help but feel as though you had been personally escorted to paradise.

Unable to find the words to describe the joy and excitement you were feeling, you spoke the only words you could find it in yourself to say to him.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” He said.

“I want it all with you too, Buck.” You said, moving your hand to cup his cheeks, “And for the record- you would be a great dad. I know you put on the tough guy look for everyone else, but as the luckiest woman on the planet- I’ve seen the love you have in your heart. You would spoil those kids rotten with love.”

You watched as the very rare instance of blush coated Bucky’s cheeks. Still smiling- so much so it almost began to hurt- you pulled your boyfriend’s face towards yours, allowing your lips to meet his. Just as you were about to deepen the kiss however, you heard a loud whistle, sounding from behind Bucky.

Peeking behind Bucky, you saw Sam standing a few feet away, sleeves rolled up and hands on his hips.

“Hey!” Sam teased. “There’s kids here!”

“Thanks for ruining the moment, Sam.” Your boyfriend grumbled beside you, and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

You watched as Sam, laughing, took a swig of the beer in his hand, the sun setting behind him.

“I’m just messing with you, man.” He said. “Are you two staying tonight?”

The two of you glanced at one another, wordlessly communicating while smiling- both knowing what the other was thinking.

“I think...” You began. “I think we’re gonna start a family.”

When the words slipped out of your mouth, you and Bucky couldn't help but gaze at each other in awe of the situation. You were really going to do this. You were going to start a family with one another. You could hardly believe it, but you also couldn’t be happier than you were in that moment.

In front of the two of you, however, still stood Sam who spit out his beer at the sound of your words.

“Not on my sister’s couch you’re not!”

[subpar-ghoulfriend]

Let’s have a baby

yandere!EraserMicx PREGNANT!Reader 

A terrible mix up leading to an accidental pregnancy? Or something more intentional? Either way now you were pregnant with (none other than the beloved power couple heroes) Eraserhead and Present Mic’s child. Time to discuss how co parenting is going to work. 

TW: pregnancy, artificial insemination, yandere elements, mentions of stalking, alludes to potential custody battle

You had been avoiding the two men for the past week, which was challenging seeing as they managed to find your phone number, address, and place of work. Any time you blocked their calls they got a new number. Two Pro Heroes versus a twenty something civilian, it was only a matter of time until you were cornered.

Now the couple stood between you and your apartment. You had a long shift at your job as a pet groomer and just wanted to get some rest.

Present Mic was the first to speak. "Hey lil momma, we heard you had work today so we brought you some dinner. We thought we could talk over a nice meal."

You had no response. You were tired, both physically and emotionally. You had been put through the ringer ever since meeting them at your doctors office. It was a total Jane the Virgin situation. You went in for an assessment about some supposed ovarian cysts and unknowing left artificially inseminated. There was a supposed mix up, a digital glitch that somehow merged your chart with the surrogates - apparently your names were super similar. Two weeks later you were called back into the doctor's office and informed of what took place. And now you were in this living nightmare.

And the two heroes had nothing to do with the error. There was totally a surrogate. They hadn't paid off your provider. And why would they? You had never met them - although given their patrols they may have seen you once or twice...

They were tearful when they were informed of the mix up, they had been waiting patiently through the whole process and now everything was thrown in chaos. They offered to compensate you for your service which sent you into a blind rage. They just assumed you would carry a child, a child with half of your DNA, and then give YOUR baby away. Rationally you understood that they had planned to be be the only parents to the child, but that was with a professional surrogate who understood the process, who didn't want the child in their life, just happy to help out a loving couple. But that wasn't you, you grew up wanting to be a mom, and now they would take that from you.

What if they tried to legally take sole custody of the baby? Surely they had some pull in the judicial system. Besides, they were a solid couple with money, while you were alone with no family and working two jobs. The thought made you sick to your stomach.

You were shaking as you tried to push past them. Maybe they would just disappear if you ignored them, a girl could dream. But instead they tagged along inside. Albeit you weren’t fighting them on it, you knew this had to happen eventually.

Aizawa easily found the cluttered dining table in your small apartment. You flinched when the loud one tried to help you shrug off your backpack. Taking a seat on the couch you waited for them to start berating you.

"Come sit at the table, dinner is getting cold," Eraser spoke for the first time.

"I'll eat later, I'm not hungry."

"You may not be, but the baby needs to eat."

You glared, how dare they insinuate you didn't know what your child needed. If your body was hungry, you ate. If you were full the baby was full too.

But, you complied, not wanting to argue, "Fine, but I ate a snack not too long ago."

As you ate, Mic kept you company, picking at some left overs, they clearly ate before their visit. Aizawa was rummaging through your place but you managed to hold your tongue until he began throwing things out of your fridge.

"What are you doing?" You hissed, getting up out of your seat.

"Mic and I will bring you groceries tomorrow. The food you have is barely safe for an adult, let alone a fetus."

"Are you kidding me? It's not like I'm chugging alcohol and living off Twinkies. Hey! I just bought those turkey slices. How is turkey bad?" You whined.

To make sure you wouldn't dig the food out trash he dumped it out of his container.

"Zashi, don't let me forget to empty the trash on our way out. Do you know how much salt is in deli meat? And there's no way you can drink any of this while you're pregnant." He gestures to the cans of soda.

As the frustration built you had to fight back tears. They couldn't come in to your home and start throwing out your things.

"Some of us don't make ridiculous money, I'm buying what I can afford and the doctor never had any problem with my health." You hissed.

Hizashi felt the tension thickening, "Hey hey hey, it's okay. Sho and I will go get you some good stuff. We just gotta watch out for you and baby."

And that was the end of your resolve, you stomped past the Hero and locked yourself in your bedroom. Finally tears began to drip down your cheeks.

Back in your kitchen Mic was chiding his boyfriend for being so tough on you.

"So I should just back down while she stuffs herself with junk food?"

Mic gave him a shrug, showing him a bottle on your counter, "At lest she's taking her prenatal vitamins?"

Grabbing the keys to your apartment Aizawa instructed Mic to wait with you while he got you better groceries. He would make copies of your keys on his was back.

You prayed they would leave soon. You were laying in your bed having cried yourself out. Barely into your second month of pregnancy. You still had to endure this for at least seven more months, but most likely much longer.

Next thing you knew you were opening your eyes and the clock read seven AM. By now your uninvited guests must be gone. Nervously you sat up, praying that you'd skip the morning sickness just once this week. You had always had a weak stomach and even the doctor was surprised you were already experiencing the symptom. Unfortunately the minute your feet touched the floor you knew what was coming. You sprinted to the restroom, not even checking to see if the duo had left.

God this was terrible, you didn't just hate throwing up, you were terrified of it. What if you started and never stopped? But it did come to an end. You wiped the water from your eyes and took a moment before standing from the floor. You screamed when a hand slid under your arm, helping you up. Another set of feet rushed to the bathroom.

" What's wrong?" Hizashi huffed as he skid to a stop.

You pulled arm free from Aizawa's grasp. "What are you two still doing here?"

You turned in the faucet to rinse your mouth. Trying to calm your stress, the nausea was trying to return.

Undeterred the scruff pulled your hair into a bun before rubbing your back. You debated returning to bed but that wouldn't get them out of your apartment. You told them you need to sit down, both of them nodding, still wearing their concerned expressions. They got you a glass of water before joining you on the couch. Stubborn men, you sat at the end of the couch so they couldn't both sit, but Mic decided to perch himself on the armrest.

He started petting your hair, "You feelin better little listener?" You nodded in response.

"I got you more food, let us know if your hungry."

You sighed in defeat, "I'm barely two months pregnant, I can fend for myself. What did you all want to talk about?"

You anxiously placed a hand on your stomach. Both men felt their hearts flutter recognizing your maternal instincts kicking in.

Aizawa let Mic begin, he was the more gentle of the two.

"Well, we figured we got off to a rough start. You got put in a tough situation. We shouldn't have assumed you didn't want a child so we're not mad at how you stormed out. But either way we expect to be in our baby's life. The two of us talked it over and we don't want to fight you if you want to be in their life too. So if you wanna be the mommy we're cool with it."

You could blame your reaction on your hormones for your response but you didn't, "Geez thank you so much for allowing me to be in MY child's life."

Aizawa placed a hand on the back of your neck, giving you a gentle massage. "Okay then, the three of us are gonna have a baby. That means you have to stop ignoring us. We can raise the baby together, without involving anyone else. But if we have to, we can always go the legal route for the baby's best interest." 

He knew it was a low blow, but the couple needed you to stop fighting them. Your eyes snapped to his and you shook your head in protest.

"Okay then we're all the same page," Aizawa reassured you.

Mic cheered, "Now we can focus on the fun stuff."

"Hun," Eraserhead caught his attention. "There's still a few more important things to figure out. We don't want you going back to that doctor. They're incompetent. We scheduled you an appointment with another's clinic for next week. Okay?"

You couldn't find your voice after how easily he threatened to take your baby. So you just nodded. Half listening.

"Good. We also went ahead and programmed our numbers into your phone. We need to be able to check in with you."

"Okay, but I can't use my phone at one of my jobs."

"About that lil momma," Mic started. "You work a lot, which is totally bad ass, but we don't think you leave enough time to rest and take care of yourself."

You tried to protest but Aizawa cut you off, "You also shouldn't be working around so many animals. Even though we love animals, they can be unpredictable and one dog can trigger all the rest into a frenzy."

You were dumbfounded, "I've never heard of anything like that happening. One of my coworkers was pregnant last year, she worked until her maternity leave. Plus I need to be able to pay my bills. And don't offer to compensate me again."

"Why do you have to view it as compensation? We just want to take care of the mother of our child. Just think about it. Mic and I have to go take care of some business but we'll be back later this week."

---

Back at their home Hizashi was dramatically splayed on their bed.

"Babe why are you pouting?" Aizawa asked.

"Why can't we just bring her home already?"

Aizawa sympathized with his better half, but they needed to be methodical. He reminded Hizashi that they didn't need to cause her even more stress, especially so early into the pregnancy. If they played their cards right they would have their happy little family soon enough.

If they could ease you in to the relationship everything would be easier in the long run. They had been managing just fine until now, they could wait a few more months.

He joined Hizashi on the couch. Mic was comforting himself the way he usually did when he felt like this. He was scrolling through the countless photos they had collected since their chance encounter with you over a year ago. 

[maraudersficsbitch]

Relationships headcanons for the Sirius Black and James Potter

Words: 739

Reading time: 3 min

Warnings: like 4 or 5 swear words

Pieces of information about the trader: Gender-neutral; Age is not specified, and neither is physical appearance

Sirius Black:

"Are you serious?!? "Well, that's my name"I hate you arsehole" love you too darling"

• Having tough exterior but is an absolute sweetheart with you in private;

• Love language is physical touch;

• A little hesitant with affection at the beginning, but warming up to it;

• Loves giving you gifts at random times. Like once he gave you a green emerald necklace for braiding his hair

• Definitely will ask for you to play catch with him in his animagus form

• Only you are allowed to touch his hair

•Being best friends with the rest of the group

• Girls always trying to flirt with him but he always shrugged them off

•I hate you means I love you

•Both of you are scared of marriage

• Random make-out sessions everywhere

• Will always pay for you cause he's got, filthy rich parents

• Helping him when he ran away from home

•His nicknames for you are Dove, Poppet, Darling and Monkey(Cause you to hand on him like a tree)

• Your nicknames for him are pretty boy, sexy pants and love

•Listening to the Beatles together on rainy days

• Making jokes that only you guys laugh at

• Teachers NEVER pairing you guys together

• Cause y'all can't concentrate on anything except each other

• His friends teasing him about the going soft

"Going soft Padfoot?"Sod off bastards!"

• Having playful arguments

• When you guys fight y'all are miserable without the other

• Making up fast

• Him reassuring you that you are the only one for him

• Being each other rocks

• Will melt when he sees you in one of his leather jackets

• Playing with other dogs to make him jealous

• Him puppy-dog eyeing you to convince you to rub his belly (as a dog)

• Late night stargazing

• Trying to do homework together but the always end on make-out session

• Overall being a dramatic power couple, while always got each other back no matter what

James Potter

"Are you an idiot James!?!"Correction, I'm your idiot" *gets hit by a book* " Your lucky you're cute" "You think I'm cute?" "Don't test your luck Potter"

•This lad is the definition of a gentleman

•You're hungry he's making a 3-course meal

•If you have a headache he will kick out everybody in the common room so you can rest

You're tired he will piggyback ride you, and the list goes on

• Taking you to the cutest dates

• You guys being competitive ad

•Hidding his glasses when he annoys you

• Teasingly putting on his glasses to imitate him

• He found that the cutest thing ever

• Wearing his jersey at his games

• Cheering the loudest for him

•You calling him Bambi

•Him being clueless about it, but you and Remus cracking up

•His nicknames for you are sugar, angel, my dearest and prongslet

• Having cuddle sessions in the common room

• People knowing that you guys are soulmates

• When you argue both of you have too much pride to be the one to make up

• Both of you guys swallowing your pride because you can't keep separate for too much time

• Treating you like a goddess\ god

• In his eyes you are the most perfect person ever

• Late night conversations about getting married and having kids

• His parents love you because they know you will care for him forever

• Crying together and comforting each other

• Annoying everybody with your dumb jokes

•Explaining him muggle stuff (if you are muggle-born or half-blood)

• Him thinking everything you do is awesome

• Ranting to his friends about you (and annoying them)

"Have you guys seen the way yn writes, it's perfect"Yn was soo pretty today don't you guys ag- gets hit by a pillow "We get it your in love with them, but some of us need our beauty sleep! It's bloody 3 in the morning goddamit"

•Sirius initially will get jealous of you because of the lack of attention James gives him

• But eventually adopting the Marauders

• Naming your imaginary kids

• Having sleepovers at his house

• You both know that you have a love that will last forever

[diedbutterflies69]

Leaving Pluto -

Lee Know smut imagine.

Contains: soft dom!lee know, praise mixed with teasing, slight choking. Arguing slightly. Fingering, oral $ex

Minors don't interact.

Working past the work hours cause he didn't have you waiting for him to come home.

It was another exhausting night for Minho. Being away from you was killing him slowly. A small fight that happened four days ago was the reason for you to not contact him. You wanted to find a new workplace, cause you were too tired of your co workers talking behind your back how cheap of a woman you were just because you were dating a male with slight higher position than you. According to Minho you should have ignored thier words or come with most savage comeback possible or simply talk sweetly and be friends with them. But you being you picked up the option which he never expected. Your resignation letter.

For Minho you were a deadly drug, Without you he can't live. He was addicted to feeling of being loved.

Being bad with words he never really poured out his heart to you. He fell for you when he was at his peak of self-hatred, he still can't understand how you were able to see behind the proud man who earned his position all by himself was a hiding his depressed emo kid who just wished to feel something.

Minho can't lose you. He exactly knew where you were. But he didn't have the guts to face you, he was scared because his words were no less than knifes. He was tired of himself being always a jerk to you and you forgiving him everytime because

Minho was your everything too.

You both weren't in a toxic relationship just were different.

He believed in facing problem and you believed in running away from it .

Shutting down the laptop he picked his coat and stuff. Minho made his mind, he can't just sit ideal and expect you to come back to him . Your apartment wasn't miles away from him but here he was still hesitating to start the car and and Stay with you.

Finally gathering all his shattered courage and starting the engine Minho finally headed to his world.

Standing infront of your apartment and again trying to find his lost courage Minho finally rung the door bell and it didn't even took 10 secs before the door opened.

"What you want", you Asked him. Your voice colder than ice. You expected Minho to come begging at your door anyways as you understand what kind of devil was residing in his mind, but now you were tired , tired of how Minho only knew how to regret over the mess he created himself. Looking in his eyes, your whole tough demonor almost shaken. You hated to see Minho in that state.

"umm, can I come in, please Y/N?"

He gave you a small smile and your heart melted, no one knows how much you adored that man he always just pretend to have a tough front, and right now it was crumbling again.

Sighing heavily you let him in.

"come in" you said.

"Y/N, Listen to me please, I overreacted it was my fault I -I apologize I was hitted hard by fact that I would be unable to see you everyday in that suffocating place, I--I am really sorry and please I wasn't trying to control you, I was being selfish I--I-I--"

" will you stop now?" You asked him cutting him off, whatever anger you had disappeared the moment he expressed his heart truly but you just wanted to know one thing.

"Do you love me Minho?", You asked him you didn't understand what exact feelings he had for you, was it love, or desire to be love, or just a simple fuck. Minho's face full of confusion, you caught him off-guard. But he answered confidently no ounce of hesitation in his voice.

"I love you, I love you so much" His voice so sincere like he was practicing his wedding vows.

"Then fucking act like a normal guy in love for atleast 1 second, who the hell takes almost whole week to apologize?? Is your ego more powerful than your love, dating in office place was so damn hard for me those annoying rats comments were giving me headache and I live with you, do you forgot that??? Fucking stupid crazy ?"

You ranted , felt like the weight from your shoulders finally lifted you just wanted his genuine emotions, living peacefully without arguing like cats and dogs.

Minho was hanging his head low in guilt knowing how much damaged he has caused , that you started to doubt his love.

"I love you so much sorry please forgive me , I will try to get better", Minho said he always meant what he said. looking straight into eyes he come closer to you.

"You should have come sooner, I missed your stupid ass", you said speaking from your heart. The 5 days argument finally fucking itself.

Minho smiled at you and said," I was too afraid of lover, you know she is a whole different person when angry." Pouting like a kid, he was too irresistible for you and you were deprived from his touch,his kisses and whole him.

"You talk to much", You said and locked your lips with Minho for a desperate deep kiss, which he happily reciprocated back with equal desperation and love.

" you are the hottest girl I have ever seen" he said and pecked your lips lifting you up in his arms and going straight to your bedroom. Both of you looking at each other with so much respect love and affection. Reaching your bedroom Minho slowly put you down smiling at you and whispering "let me show you how much love I have for you", whimpering desperately at his words that sended shivers down your spine no matter how many times he had fucked you , you can't get used to his dominant persona.

Minho's hand wondering inside your hoodie and cupping your breasts as you didn't wore any bra his fingers softly pinching your buds not in a rough way. Tonight he decided to go as gentle as possible.

"Stop teasing, Minho", you moaned desperately , tugging on Minho's shirt and attempting to free his god sculpted body. One thing Minho loved the most about you , you not being shy and addressing whatsoever you felt. Minho smiled playfully at you and saying out " patience darling, I am gonna make you feel good" This man is gonna be death of me you thought .

Minho removed your hoodie and freed your upper body, cold air immediately making your buds hard again, his hand resting on your waist and one to support himself at top of you , he started kissing your neck And leaving a very small hickey as you didn't liked him marking you at visible places, you were too lazy to conceal it. Going down and cupping your right breast so tenderly your breath getting heavier at Minho's slow yet sensual ministrations, he was different from usual, definitely more soft.

But him being slow was torture to your core.

"Please", you whimpered bucking up your hips to Minho's body in response he grabbed your thighs his hands, caressing your inner thighs dangerously close to your heat, you were already wet from all the foreplay , your pussy begging to get destroyed by your lover.

Minho removed your shorts , now your slight wet panties being the only cloth on your body on the other hand Minho being Fully dressed his black shit wrinkled from your tight grip which he unbuttoned hastily after freeing your body from those useless panties throwing somewhere in room.

"because of who your pussy is soo wet , love?" He said looking straight in your eyes his fingers resting at your entrance, waiting for your answer before doing anything else. A fucking teaser.

"Because of you Min, do something please", your voice coming out much softer and desperate than you thought.

Finally giving you a big smile, Minho entered his fingers in your mouth covered in your saliva then without warning he shoved his two fingers in your hole and moving them at a extremely slow pace his touch was so powerful today even if it was different he never was a slow going man but you weren't complaining.

Minho went down to your thigh level, eyes looking straight at your pussy , without removing his fingers , he attacked your pussy with his mouth, sucking the entrance and tongue going straight inside you, fingers and the soft muscle making it difficult for you to not moan and just keep screaming his name till your lungs burn.

His nose brushing to your your clit , and fingers finally picking up pace , you can literally feel Minho's smirk whenever you called his name.

"I. ... I am close", you said followed by a high pitched moan, hearing you Minho's own cock almost bursting , he added a third finger and started sucking you more aggressively.

"I am cumin..." You felt your body on cloud nine, your high washing over you, juices flowing from you and Minho not letting them fall, till the last drop he kept eating you out and fingering, you almost crying from overstimulation.

"How was it babe? Felt good?", Minho asked you even knowing the answer that he literally made you see the stars alone with his fingers and tongue, detaching himself from your lower body and again looking at you , You got up ready to give him something in return, he loved your mouth and loved how you gagged whenever his tip touched back of your throat, your hands reached his belt but he stopped you .

"This, ain't about me babe", Minho said, resulting in you looking at him in pure frustration, giving you a sly smile as he lied you back down on bed he continued. " I mean suck me some other day, now I just wanna come inside your small pussy"

Minho have a great way of making you lose your mind completely.

He unbuckled his belt and removing his belt so slowly like he was giving you a whole strip show. After finally freeing his member from all the restrictions Minho's mouth again finding your lips as he slowly entered inside you .

"Fuck, why you always feel so good", Minho grunted heavily and started moving at a slow pace, his hand cupping your breasts and lips hungrily kissing you."you are so fucking beautiful love",He said , his voice containing pure sincerity and sensuality. The way he was rolling his hips was driving you insane, even the kiss was so sensual, his tongue inside exploring your mouth . Minho's body so close to you ,your slight bloated stomach occassionally coming in contact with his sculpted abs, he always made you feel beautiful , sexy even when days he was rough his degradation never made you felt insecure and today he was being so gentle, so soft and his praises making your throbbing heart melt. You love Minho and Minho loves you.

"Minho, please you.. you feel so damn.. good", you said in between your deep breaths and screams. Minho's lips now giving you hickeys and you didn't really wanted to stop him, his mouth felt so damn good. His pace being the same slow torture to you.

"I feel good too babe, inside you", Minho said his grunts getting more louder signalling he was close too. His hand now intervining with yours in a tight grip as if he you were his last straw to sanity.

"can I come, please?", You asked as of an habit , Minho was a hella kinky man and he had taught you so many things inside bedroom and asking for his permission before Cumming was one. He nodded at your request, something which happened once in a blue moon you were glad as wasn't edging you. His thrusts getting faster as he chased down his own high.

Leaving many screams and moans, you cummed around his cock feeling like being top of the world. " You are mine", he said before kissing your forehead and those intervened hand before empting himself inside you.

"I am yours, always yours", you replied to Minho, his forehead resting against yours both giving each other a faint and tired smile.

He scorched beside you and engulfed you in a tight hug , caressing your sweaty forehead and removing the hair that were sticking to it because of the passionate activities you both just did.

Comfortable Silence spreading inside your room. Before Minho finally spoke again.

"I am sorry, you gonna come back to our house right?" Minho apologizing again and being oblivion to the fact that you had even forget the argument. You also loved the way he referred his house to 'ours'. Those small things which he do without any intentions meant so much to you.

"Stop saying sorry It wasn't only yours alone fault too, I too overeacted, sorry" you said to him and snuggling inside his neck . He quickly reacted to the last word. Minho hated the way you thought it was your fault.

"No babe, I am sorry, don't apologize", Minho again saying sorry, Guess it was endless loop of taking the blame. You ignored his words having no energy to argue .

"well, so are we gonna have a bath, We need to go back to our home in morning", you said Minho and him being too aware of hidden meaning of your words.

"Okay babe , let's do 69 there"

Thanks for reading .

Beautiful reader.

[fandomsonrequests]

unexpected friend

fandom: ATEEZ

characters: choi san

reader: fem

word count: 5.4k

summary:  fate decided to test this decade long feud between you and choi san

notes: enemies to lovers AU, toxic themes, character death, substance abuse (it’s not explicit) such as alcohol and cigarettes, heavy themes, language, violence 

You had no idea where it started— you just knew that you hated Choi San with every fiber of your being. And unsurprisingly, the feeling is mutual with you.

Maybe it started in kindergarten when he accidentally pushed you to the ground in the game of tag. You got so mad at him, saying that he meant it when he obviously didn’t, calling him stupid because “all boys are stupid.”. Or maybe it started when you knocked over his tower of building blocks as revenge. Or was it when he dipped your pigtails in paint to get back at you? Or maybe the time he spread rumors that you had cooties causing everyone to avoid you like the plague.

Whatever the reason, it spiraled into a childhood rivalry that continued as you grew older. The endless cycle of cat versus dog, taking revenge on one another, followed into grade school, where you reached your horse phase and he reached his gun dam phase. It was inevitable you’d see him again— you both lived in a fairly small town after all.

Petty actions like drawing on the other’s homework turned into stealing each other’s lunches or setting some sort of prank at each other’s seats— whatever your ten-year-old brains could think of. Your screaming matches grew even worse and at one point, you both started throwing punches. The teachers always had to watch you during breaks because eventually, you’d be on top of each other and pulling at each other’s hair.

San had an advantage of course since he took taekwondo, you always ended up as the loser. But in retaliation, you managed to convince your mother to enroll you in some other martial art to protect yourself. And when you won your first little fistfight— you always made sure to lord it over him.

“Hah, you got beat by a little girl! Not so tough now huh potato-head?”

“Shut up horse-face!”

San saw your kindness and charisma towards others as an act. It was your own way of reeling others in to be on your side, gathering some sort of army to help you gang up against him. You on the other hand managed to convince yourself that his cute little dimples and selflessness for others was a facade, You couldn’t believe how many people he’s managed to fool or turn against you. And you’ve always hated him for that. You let it fester as you go through grade school and towards middle school. That hatred you harbored for him was always lit inside you.

Your parents and his were always apologizing to each other during parent-teacher meetings or school events, having to hold you back from jumping on one another. Your dad had given up on the whole thing so he was totally useless; that left you to run to your mother for comfort. Whatever the situation was, at the end of the day, she was always on your side.

“Things will blow over soon. But please, honey, try to stay out of trouble for me?”

So when she died in your junior year of high school, you couldn’t help but feel alone. Your dad had taken to smoking to cope with the loss, marrying a woman who was in love with alcohol while bringing her two hellish twin daughters with her into your home. Things grew miserable for you at home; your dad became a pathetic pushover, letting his new wife run the household. That made you angry— how could he get over your mother so easily? How could he let himself get walked over like that? How could he ignore the way your older step-sisters trampled all over you?

How could he let all this happen?

San’s endless taunting at school didn’t help either. His harmless pranks grew worse as time passed: spray-painting some nasty words on your locker, or setting a bucket of paint on top of the gym doors since you’re always the last one to head out. You’d heed your mother’s words, always doing your best to ignore him. For a while, it had worked and he pestered you less than usual but your mom’s death and the situation at home had triggered something in you, making you snap back. You’d shove his face down into his food during lunch or knock his books down the stairwell whenever you pass by each other. You had even managed to sneak some of the insects from the lab into his gym clothes, causing him to end up with nasty rashes all over his body for a week.

Your physical fights weren’t frequent but they became more violent, with one or both of you having to go to the nurses, holding an ice pack to your busted lips while a piece of gauze was stuck up his bloodied nose. It took several students or even teachers to pull you apart because most of the time no one wanted to jump in and separate you two; it was always so messy with fists and kicks flying everywhere. There was even one point where you both had to go to the hospital for fractured bones. You were both suspended for a week.

Fortunately, things had toned down now that you both were in your final year of high school with the pressure of college and meeting requirements looming over you. Although, neither of you managed to make up. You’d still exchange some foul words but the stupid pranks and fights had simmered down. That never meant you were on good terms though.

But then fate decided to be a little shit and put you in a situation you never thought you’d find yourself in.

Your new biology teacher didn’t seem to be informed about the decade-long feud between you and San. So when she assigned the both of you as partners, you felt your heart drop to your stomach as a sick feeling crawled over you. You wanted to cry and throw up at the same time- that’s just how much you despised him. You both tried to plead with her to change partners but she was as stubborn as a mule, insisting that you two can “sort out your differences” and finish this project as a team.

And now here you were, avoiding each other’s stares despite being sat next to each other. The proximity between you two was suffocating, it made it hard to focus on the project being explained to you by your cruel teacher. Your skin tingles unpleasantly whenever either of you shifted in your seat, your arms just several centimeters away from touching each other. Many thoughts ran through your head on how you can get out of this. But you knew that you had to find some time to work on the damn thing together or else you’d flunk high school— and being stuck in community college, never being able to leave this town, was not worth hitting San at the back of the head and gloating at him.

“You have the rest of the period to plan with each other. Make sure to have your presentation set and ready for next week.” Your teacher says and sits at her desk.

The room was filled with chatter as the students started conversing with each other. Many pairs threw knowing stares at you, worried that you’d be at each other’s throats. Surprisingly you weren’t… at least not yet anyway.

For a while, neither of you said anything to each other. San simply scrolled through his phone hidden under his desk while you organized your final notes. Minutes tick by and the class slowly comes to an end. With a heavy sigh, you decided to swallow your pride and talk to the guy.

You turn to the boy, roughly shoving his knee with yours and he sends you an irritated glare. “C’mon we need to plan for this.” You deadpan, ignoring the look he gave you.

San returned the sigh and pocketed his phone, shifting to face you. “Alright then. So what’s the plan?”

“That’s what we’re supposed to be talking about, dumbass.” You mutter, growing irritated. You clench your fists together in an attempt to keep your calm before continuing. “Anyway, we’re supposed to make some model of the nerve cells then present it.”

San stays quiet for a moment before speaking up. “My sister has some spare clay and wires from her sculpting hobby. I could ask for some.”

“Great. You work on that while I work on the script.” You conclude before going back to your notes.

“Hold on- you’re gonna leave me with all of the hard work?”

“We have the same workload?? I’m making the script.”

“That’s easy- scripts can be finished within a day or something.” San shot back, finding the arrangement you had set, without his consultation by the way, as unfair.

“Then I’ll help you when I’m done. Quit whining like a bitch.” You sigh, having no energy to continue the argument with him.

“Asshat…” He mumbles under his breath, pulling out his phone to text his sister. He expected some sort of retaliation from you but you simply remained quiet. That was odd- considering that you never missed the chance to have the last word in. Maybe you just weren’t feeling it today.

Nevertheless, he ignored you, deciding that it wasn’t worth pestering you at the moment. The bell rings, signaling the end of the class, and you’re immediately up and out of your seat, stuffing your notebook into your bag and swinging it over your shoulder. It almost hits San’s cheek in the process but you were already walking out the door before he could call you out on it.

“Geez…” He huffs and keeps his own things, glaring after you while hoping that time would fly by fast so that the project was done and over with.

~~

A few days have passed by since the biology class. True enough, you’ve finished writing and even printing the script within the day the project was assigned to you. So now you were stuck helping out San with sculpting the whole model. You two would work together at the back of the library after school. Initially the librarian was hesitant about letting the two of you inside given your reputation and all. But when she saw that neither of you were at each other’s throats, surprisingly, she allowed for you to work on it in the library.

Of course you and San still had some disputes— how it’s supposed to be positioned, what shape it’s supposed to take, yadda yadda. But it had never escalated into a full blown argument because it always ended up with you taking the blow of his harsh words. That alone started to concern the boy, you’d always get back at him. But your resigned silence after every quip he threw at you started to worry him. Sure he hated your guts but San wasn’t a nasty person. He knew something was bothering you. But, he never took the initiative to ask what was bothering you; it wasn’t his problem anyway.

~~

A weekend away from Monday aka the day of your presentation. The model was almost done— it just needed a paint job. Since it was a Saturday afternoon, meaning the school was closed, neither of you were able to work at your usual spot. So San decided to just take the whole thing to your home to finish it. Of course he could finish the whole thing himself but he had a party to attend later in the evening, and he didn’t want to miss out on it.

He arrives at your home, model in one hand and a crate of paints in the other. He takes note of the absence of your dad’s and step-sister’s cars in the driveway and assumed that you were all out. He sighs in frustration, hoping that that wasn’t the case. Jogging up to the porch, the boy sets down the crate and rings the doorbell a couple of times, foot tapping against the wooden floorboards as he waits.

When there was no response after a few minutes he tried again, this time ringing the doorbell a bit more frantically. Before he could turn around and head back home after getting no response, he hears frantic footsteps scurrying inside and steps back as the door swings open. There you were, hair looking like a bird’s nest while your week-old cardigan hung off your shoulders. There were dark circles under your eyes and you looked like a hobo who had the opportunity to clean after themselves. In other words: you were a mess.

“The fuck are you doing here?” You snap the minute your hazy mind registers that San was standing at your door.

The said boy snaps out of his own trance and shoves the model in your face. “We need to finish this.”

You stare at the figure in his hand then to the crate by his foot and then to his face that displayed an expectant expression. You sigh and rub your face. “Couldn’t you have finished it yourself?”

“I’m busy later.”

Another sigh leaves you and you step back to let him in. He enters the house, leaving his shoes by the door as he looks around the place. It was a bit messier than he had expected. There were rumpled coats hanging off of the arm of the couch, a small pack of cigarettes and a few bottles of cheap beer on the coffee table. The wallpaper was starting to fade with a few faint stains here and there.

San stays quiet as he follows you through the house, seeing the small stack of dishes waiting to be washed in the sink. He turns back to look at you, finding your silence as unnerving. You only trudged up the stairs, motioning for you to follow him. He expected to see you turn down the hallway and enter one of the rooms but was quite surprised to see you stop by a frayed rope hanging from the ceiling of the hall. You reach up and tug down on it, revealing the ladder towards the attic.

“Don’t tell me you live up there,” San jabs.

“Yeah and what of it?” You grumble, sending him a tired glare over your shoulder before climbing up the ladder.

He was stunned into silence when he realized that you were serious. He bites his tongue and refrains from jeering at you, handing the box of paints to you before climbing up. Several thoughts ran through his mind— why was your room in an attic? And since when did you start smoking and drinking? Was it even yours?

His head pokes into the surprisingly clean but small room. Your bed was pressed up near the slanted wall of the roof, several polaroids of you, your few friends, and your mother plastered along it. On the opposite side was your desk and your wardrobe whose paint was starting to chip off. Several boxes, labeled and not labeled, were pushed to the corner of the room, stacked in a way for them to take up less space.

San looks to you rummaging through your desk, probably finding a brush or something. He wordlessly steps into the room and pulls the rope, closing the trapdoor beneath him. He turns to you again and before he could stop himself, he found himself blurting the question that was plaguing his mind: “What the hell happened to you?”

You turn on your heel, almost knocking over the picture frame of you and your mom. Your hand reached out to steady it before answering San. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific than that.”

“Why do you live up here?” He motioned to the whole attic space with his arm. “Don’t you have a room downstairs?”

“I do.” You simply say and take the crate of paints, pulling out the needed colors and some paper cups for you to place them in.

When you don’t elaborate, San squats down to your level on the ground and tugs the purple paint tube out your hand. “What happened to it?”

“Why do you care?” You snatch the tube back with a hiss, preparing all the things needed. “It’s none of your business…”

The boy sighs, running a hand through his dark locks. He nibbles at his cheeks, carefully going over what he wanted to say. “...look, _____,” he starts, voice surprisingly gentle. “You don’t have to tell me everything but you don’t have to keep everything in.”

You don’t answer him or make any move to acknowledge what he had said. But you were listening; part of you decided to take down your walls for just a moment and hear what he has to say. And San seemed to sense this because he continues.

“I’m not gonna say that ‘I’m here for you’ and all that crap but, there are people who're willing to listen to you. Whatever you’re going through right now, no matter how big or small it is, you don’t have to go through it alone.”

Again, you don’t respond. A moment of silence full of high strung tension passed by. It was only a few seconds but it felt longer than that— especially since you both stopped in what you were doing and stared at the ground or at each other’s hands.

You always hated San but you couldn’t help but sense the sincerity in his words. It’s kind of pathetic but at the moment, his genuinity, the softness of the way he spoke was what you were craving for. At that moment, you just wanted assurance that things will be okay and that whatever you were doing in life wasn’t useless. And the guy you seemed to hate most was offering you that.

Tears prick at your eyes and you hastily brush it away with the sleeve of your cardigan, refusing to show any weakness to your nemesis. But it was hard; once the tears started flowing it was difficult for you to stop. You play it off by finishing up in preparing the paints, suppressing any hiccups or sobs that would escape before eventually giving up and bringing your legs up to your chin, crying into your sweats. Fuck it if San sees.

You curled up into yourself, crying into your pants when you felt a gentle but hesitant hand on your shoulder. You jolt at the touch, seeing San back away quickly. His brows were furrowed in concern and his lips were pursed, almost as if he were thinking about what he was going to say.

“G-go on, gloat,” You hiccup, choking on your tears. “I look like a m-mess anyway…”

You were surprised, and a little bit embarrassed, that he didn’t follow with what you said. Instead, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a small packet of tissues and handing it over to you. He looked up to your desk, seeing your water container on your desk. He stands up to take it, shaking it to check if there was still some water in it, before placing it by your foot.

“I’m not going to lie, you are a mess,” San says before returning to his previous spot on the floor. “But I guess that’s normal when you’re having a shitty day.”

“More like a shitty life…” You mumble. You chug down the rest of your water, managing to stop your tears as you wipe them away with the tissues. You look up at the boy across you and sigh heavily. “It’s my step-mom,” you say.

“I’m sorry?”

“My step-mom. She made me move up here so that her daughters could take my room.” You explain. “My dad didn’t say anything because he’s a pushover, wasting his life away on cigarettes and the alcohol his wife buys…”

San nods slowly in understanding, finally making sense of what he saw in the living room and kitchen. That explained a lot of things: why you would always faintly smell of alcohol or nicotine a few months after your mother had died. It had honestly shocked him to hear that— your dad and step-mom always looked presentable in public. Your step-sisters were a bit more extravagant but neat nonetheless. The way they talked and carried themselves didn’t seem to indicate that they had any substance addiction.

Thinking back on it, it had also explained why you were so irate and moody almost all the time, leading to you losing some friends in high school as you fell back into yourself or into violence. It was a defense mechanism— you didn’t want to seem vulnerable because at home, you were vulnerable enough.

An idea pops into his head and he promptly stands up, momentarily making you jump from his sudden movement. You look up at him, puzzled. “What?”

“Come with me.”

“What???”

“I said get up and come with me.” San says and actually held his hand out to you.

You look at it skeptically before looking up at him, contemplating about any consequences in following him— if there were any. He wiggles his fingers, impatiently coaxing you to join him and you finally make up your mind. Might as well follow him; you had nothing to lose anyway.

You swat his hand away to get up on your own, mumbling something along the lines that you could get up yourself before straightening yourself out and placing your hands on your hips. He gives a satisfied nod and grabs his shoes to put them on. He then kicks open the trapdoor before heading back down for you to follow.

He returns to the living room with you trailing behind, still wondering where exactly he wanted you to go. When you glance at the clock you see that it’s already 5:30 in the afternoon. Your thoughts were interrupted when you felt something land by your feet. You whipped your head around to see San pointing at your shoes which he probably threw at you from the door.

“We’re heading out for a while.” He says as he exits your house. You take a moment to process what was happening when he pops his head in. “Come on slowpoke.” He ushers you.

You hastily throw on your shoes, grabbing the house keys hanging by the coat rack, and hop out of the house. You lock the door behind you and approach San who was sitting upon his notoriously loud motorbike. “Where are we going?” You ask, settling down behind him.

Your arms awkwardly flutter beside you, opting to hold onto whatever space was left on your seat. You jump in surprise when you hear and feel the engine roar to life, eliciting an amused chuckle from the boy in front of you. You glare at the back of his head, smacking his shoulder and settling yourself once more.

“Hold on tight,” San tells you as he revs up the motorbike.

“I am.” You argue and strengthen your grip on the seat, shaking the bike a little to emphasize your point.

“No you aren’t.” You feel heat rise to your face when he tutted in annoyance, taking your arms and placing them around his waist. “There you go. See? No harm done.”

You only grumble something in response, making him chuckle to himself. It was a bit strange to see you tame like this. Sure it kind of boosted his ego considering that he managed to make you flustered with just a few words and a simple action but he actually kind of liked it when you weren’t at each other’s throats. He revved up the engine again before taking off and speeding down the road.

The evening breeze is cool as it whips through your hair and brushes against you, sending small goosebumps running down your skin. A small yelp escapes you when San picks up speed, causing your grip on him to tighten. He glanced back at you for a moment before taking the turn that exits the town and towards the road uphill. It led to the small forest that overlooked the city; it was a popular place in town for hiking or camping. You remember going there to play as a kid.

The air gets chillier as you both reach a higher altitude. You unconsciously nuzzle closer to the boy in front of you in an attempt to seek some body heat. The sky grows darker, turning into a deeper blue shade as the night slowly creeps upon the town. Some stars start to peek and settle themselves in the dark blanket of the sky by the time San slows down to a stop. He had stopped by the edge of the forest, a metal railing along the opposite end to keep people or vehicles from falling off the edge.

“We’re here.” San says and looks back at you. “You can let go if you want now.”

At that, you peel yourself away from him and hop off his bike mumbling something about how cocky he was while walking over to the railings. He joins you soon after, keeping a respectable distance from you. None of you say anything at first, simply taking in the view of the city in front of you. Now know why San took you out here: to breathe and clear your mind of things; something that you didn’t know you needed at the moment.

The spot you were in allowed you to overlook the town, seeing the lights from the roads and houses down below. You could spot the water tower in the distance along with the radio tower next to it. As you survey the scene before you, you make out one house in the distance with a multitude of colored lights flashing around it.

“Looks like someone’s having a party.” You muse, finally breaking the silence.

San hums in acknowledgement. “I hope they aren’t missing me.”

It takes a moment for you to understand what he said, perking up when it made sense to you. “So that’s what you meant when you were ‘busy.’” You say as you lightly punch his arm. “You’re such an ass.”

“What? I wasn’t lying; I would’ve been busy.” He defends himself, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Yeah,” You huff. “Busy shoving your tongue down people’s throats.”

A mischievous hum. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Ew no, gross- I’ll pass.”

You share a small laugh together before settling into silence again. It was… kind of cathartic, being able to actually laugh for a long while-even if it was with your longtime nemesis. It was better than crying yourself to sleep almost every night.

You turn to lean your back against the railing, using your arms to support you as you mull over the forest.

“I used to come here a lot as a kid.” You say, managing to capture San’s attention. “Pretended to gallop along the trees like some sort of princess when I was in my horse phase… I would always come home with scraped knees. I was a clumsy kid.”

“Except when you’d throw punches at me,” San interjected, ghosting a hand over his jaw. “You sure knew how to pack a punch.”

You smile apologetically, a sheepish flush on your cheeks, and look over to him. “Well you did deliver some pretty good kicks- I needed to learn how to defend myself.”

San shrugged in agreement. “I guess,” He muses and offers you a small smile, lapsing into silence again. “You know… it’s actually kind of surprising but you aren’t so bad to talk to.”

You nibble at your lower lip at his confession, unsure of what to make of it. When you look up at him, you see that he had inched a little closer to you. He still kept a reasonable amount of space between you two but it was apparent that he wanted to get closer. He drums his fingers against the cool metal of the railing, brows furrowed as he thinks over his next words carefully.

“I’m sorry.” He blurts out. “I’m sorry for all the times I’ve been an asshole to you. I know that I’ve hurt you, not just physically, but emotionally too. And I want to apologize for that… I know, words are just words. It won’t do anything to reverse or take back what I’ve done to you then, but please, take it as a first step to making it up to you.”

San decided to meet your watery gaze, his chest clenching at the tears you were trying so hard to hold back. He holds his hand out instinctively, wanting to offer some sort of physical comfort. He stops himself midway, opting to just settle it on the rail halfway from you. “You don’t have to make a decision right here and now. You can still hate me all you want, but I promise to leave you alone from now on.”

You whimper pathetically, finally letting the tears flow down your cheeks. You felt guilt consume you at his apology. Why was he taking the blame for everything? It should be you who was saying sorry. After all,you were just as cruel as him. And thinking back on it, this feud had most likely started with you. You raise a sweater paw to wipe at your tears, sobbing into your hand.

God you were a mess.

“Don’t, don’t blame yourself… I should be apologizing too. It takes two to tango right?” You hiccup, managing to give him a shaky smile. “I could’ve chosen to ignore you or direct my anger elsewhere but I still ended up targeting you at the end of the day…”

“_______, it’s okay—“

“No it’s not.” You hiss. “I’m not just talking about what I did in high school. I’m talking about every instance I was cruel to you. It was petty, extremely childish, and just horrible overall. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I want to apologize too. I’ve made part of your life a living hell.”

You glance at his hand on the railing before holding your own out towards him. “Truce?” You offer. “We don’t have to be all buddy-buddy after this but at least we can just end this whole thing.”

San gripped your hand in a gentle but firm handshake. “Truce.” His touch lingered for

just a second before he gave a gentle squeeze and pulled away. He returned it to the previous spot on the railing.

The both of you remain for a while, just overlooking the town and reflecting on what had happened. The quiet atmosphere that you both shared suddenly didn’t seem so awkward anymore. Instead, it was filled with some tension but with a bit of comfort at the same time. It was similar to the feeling of a thorn being plucked out of your side: painful but relief that it was finally out.

You don’t expect that things would go right at once— this wasn’t like the movies or the books where everything was magically solved. You both had left some scars on each other, some that are too hard to forget or too deep to heal easily. But you two were working on it: healing and forgiving each other. It was still a long journey but it was something you were both willing to go on together.

You glance to San, seeing how relaxed he was right now. He didn’t look so annoying or so terrifying anymore. A tiny grin makes its way to your lips; never in a million years did you think you’d find solace in someone you despised so much.

“Hey San,” You call out to him, resting your hand beside his, your pinkies brushing against each other. “...thanks for this. I really needed it.”

He smiles at you, flashing his cute dimples at you. It sends a warm, tingly feeling down your spine and you couldn’t help but feel calm at that. “Glad I could help.” He momentarily pat the back of your hand, engulfing it with his larger one when you didn’t pull away.

It was late when he drove you home to finish the project. Unsurprisingly, your family was still out, probably at an event they forgot to tell you about. But you didn’t mind, you had an unexpected friend with you right now.

You smile to yourself as you wave goodbye to San from the doorway, seeing him speed down the road and into the night. He may have been the bad guy in your life but it turns out, he wasn’t such a bad guy. And you were thankful that you were able to see that because at least you knew you had someone in your corner.

[venushasvixens]

Ch. 11 - Fightin’ Words - Life is but a Dream (Spike Spiegel x Reader)

[A/N] to clarify before I begin, I do NOT hate Faye. There will be a following chapter to explain how we got from point A to point B, since now that I see it, this chapter seems like a stretch. I apologize if the writing is a little shitty, I got too excited when writing it, and I was basically vomiting words onto my screen. Enjoy!

Previous chapter: Ch.10

⛔️ WARNING: this chapter contains implied sexual content, drinking, and strong language

-

There is a clear difference in kissing. One was for lust, meant to excite and give pleasure to the receiving, as a plus on to tie in all the ingridients for good sex. The other was for love, showing affection and those deep emotional feelings that both parties were in need of.

The lines were blurring.

Wanting this to be a strictly physical relationship, other elements started to incorporate their way into your escapades. And now Spike knows almost everything about you. Eating habits, what makes you laugh, and the type of people you hate. Talking for hours on end, both of life and it’s ridiculous nature, there was no off time between you both. It felt good.

The quiet moment after you left his room for your own, a faltering feeling of sadness and loneliness enters Spike. The urge to grab you and bring you back to his bed for the night was strong. He tried to get you to stay (always subtly), but to no avail. Well aware of your need for space, he always respected your decision.

The crank that was once rusty, was in Spike’s head as his mind ran endlessly of if you liked him or not. It was a thought, a discussion he wanted to put off for so long. The consequences of his doubt were going to hurt, especially when it was going to be that time to go. The reassurance that this was only a fling, a friends with benefits deal, was on its way to be tossed out of the trash chute into space.

“Trust me, Spiegel, I’ve had plenty of time as a child to know what I’m talking about.” You said as Spike passed you his cigarette.

“About what?” He asked, completely clueless.

“Rocks. Crystals, geodes. Have you not been listening?” You scolded, scoffing as Spike shook his head.

“The library in the city gave the orphanage books they didn't want anymore. My favorite book was the one about rocks on Mars, of course it was simplified for my small brain…”

Head in his hand, Spike listened as you rambled mindlessly of all the different rock formations on Mars. As much as he wanted to learn, he couldn’t help but be distracted by his acknowledgment of your presence. More specifically, the air you brought in the room. Spike began to think of it as his favorite perfume, sweet and sultry, with a hint of spice. It made him feel safe.

You were so attractive when you were educating him. He hated to hear it from Jet or anyone else, but you made it interesting.

“You’re pretty hot.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah thanks. Anyways, like I was saying…”You replied, flattered by his sudden proclamation.

“I’m serious. You’re talking all smart to me, and I can’t help but tell you that.” Spike smirked. “I think I learned more from you than in high school.”

You laughed softly. “I tell you because I know you’re dumber than a bag of hammers.”

“Is that so?” Spike raised his eyebrows. Why was your teasing making him feel even better? “You’re going to regret saying that.”

“I only have one, and not that.” You smiled slyly, the glint in Spike’s eye becoming more noticeable.

“I’m about to make it two.”

“I would love to see you try.”

You put your hands up to defend yourself, Spike’s smooth moves rendering you helpless. In a second, he had your arms pinned down by your sides, a deep throated chuckle emitting from him as he watched you struggle. There was no danger but that of falling to his charm and whim.

“I don’t regret this.” You panted.

“Sounds like the best decision I’ve made.” Spike mumbled, gaze traveling all over your face. He brushes the stray hairs from your face, fingers tracing your hairline and ears. He was so close, you could feel his breath on your neck, threatening to brush his lips on yours.

“Can I ask you something?” Spike broke the silence. You nodded eagerly.

“I-“ He began, cut off by the loud knocking on the door.

“Spike? Spike? Are you there?” Jet called out.

There is no answer, except you panicking over whether Jet sees you naked or sprawled out on Spike’s bed. The only sound that could’ve been heard was the thuds of you scrambling around the room, looking for your bra and panties. Spike watches in amusement, not caring at all at the dilemma you both were in.

“Yeah?” Spike called out, the clink of his lighter going off.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to come up to the bridge for a drink, got a few good bottles of gin from our last bounty.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Good.” Jet finished. Footsteps drew further away down the hallway and supposdely onto the stairs. You sighed in relief, getting dressed at a leisurely pace. Safe, once again.

“Y/n, you can come too if you would like.” The loud booming laughter of Jet filled the hallway, masking your dread.

This evening was going to be delightful.

-

“Where's the gin?” You said in confidence, like you weren’t just caught in Spike’s room. Hopefully he wouldn’t see the slight limp in your step either.

“I have it, but I knew it would be a good bait to get some help up here.” He replied.

“Then I want at least half the bottle as a down payment. And an apology.” You scowled, taking a peek on the holo computer, skimming over the briefing for the next bounty.

Jet chuckled. “Now young lady, I have something very important to ask you.”

“Huh, you and Spike. I’m not too scared of yours.” You glanced at him, sitting in his seat.

Jet rested himself against the table, nodding. “I was going to say that us boys and Ed really enjoy you here. These last few months have been the best one this ship has seen in a while, and you are welcome to stay however long you want, kid.”

You knew you were doing well, but now you caught the bag. Jackpot. “You’re just saying that because I feed you all.”

“That's part of it too.” Jet grinned. “But I’m serious, (y/n). I think all of us could vote in favor of a new crew member. What do you say?”

Thinking, you remembered your freedom, sought as a child. That’s all you ever wanted, was to be out and allowed to do whatever you could. But deep down, the thing you really needed was a home. A family.

You could find that here on the Bebop. Even if you got a rocky start, it was smooth sailing for now. You felt wanted. That’s what you needed.

“Doesn’t sound too bad. I’m down.” You beamed.

“Glad you agreed, or else it would’ve been real awkward if you said no.” Jet replied, giving you a soft pat on your back.

“Mmm, would you kick me out if I declined this most generous offer?” You teased.

“Kid, you have my respect, I would let you pack first then throw you out.”

You cracked up, the deal was done. As you sat in your new home, you couldn't help but feel eternally grateful. “I really owe you one, Jet. You really got me out of a tight spot.”

Jet nodded as he searched for something on the control board.

“Was..was that how Spike came around? Picked him up like a stray?” You asked, surprised at your brazen question.

Jet stops messing with the controls, paused as he tries to peace his words together. “To be honest, I can’t even remember when or how Spike joined me here. He just popped up one day, and I haven’t been able to shake him off.” Jet gave a small titter. “Ah, (y/n). The man’s been through it tough.”

“Can I ask?” You said meekly.

“All that time spent together, and he hasn’t told you?” Jet chaffed, a smirk starting to grow.

Shit. “We haven’t spent much time talking today.” Fuck it, no use in denying it now.

“That’s what I thought.” He snickered. “Well, let me put it this way. A heartbroken man is a lonely one. He roams the galaxy in search of finding a way to fill the void left in him, either desperate to find something new. Or leave the void empty, allowing himself to wither away peacefully.”

“Hmm.” You replied shortly. A lot wasn't said, but it made sense.

“I’m only saying this once, (Y/n). He’s changing, and for the better. I haven’t seen him smile so much sober. I have to thank you for that.”

You made a change, as small as it was. You hear footsteps approaching the bridge, the sliding door opening to reveal Spike. As he quietly passes you by, he shoots you a small wink, making you blush. Spike sits down with a sigh, his legs propped up on the control panel.

“Easy, I’m still working there.” Jet warns as he hands Spike a drink.

“Then how come you're not sitting here?” He smirks, side-eyeing you to watch him kick up dirt.

You smile back, letting their conversation fade away slowly. This moment, you had to screenshot it. It doesn’t look like a normal family, but it wasn't dysfunctional. You had a crazy red haired computer genius as a sibling, along with a dog that you think could do math better than you. It topped nicely with a protective mentor and teacher with one robotic arm, and a man who you didn't think you could even get near without getting your arm bitten off.

Someone was missing. She hasn’t been seen all day, but that’s typical. As an official member of the Bebop, there was no back burner now. You could turn off your predatory instinct on your prey. The hunt on Faye was over. You didn't have to be her best friend, just tolerate her attitude enough when she decides to stay on the ship for longer than a day. You really didn't want to fight her, but sometimes she made it so difficult. Besides, you were too tired anyways.

The little get together was carrying on joyfully, now joined by Ed and Ein. Ed wandered aimlessly in all directions on the bridge, babbling on about all the buttons and flashing lights. You sat next to Spike in your own chair, feeling the small soft padded pushes of Ein on your legs.

“What is it boy?” You asked sweetly, reaching down to rub the top of his ears. He jumps on his hind legs, trying his best to climb up onto your lap. You cooed at him, picking him up and placing him snuggly on your thighs. You swore you could’ve seen him smile as your pet his fluffy face, massaging his soft head.

Spike leaned over, whispering. “Do you think I can get a massage too?”

Before you could respond, Ein gave a small huff, one eye opening to watch out for his competition. “I’m sorry, but the baby said no.”

Jet laughed as Spike smiled. You looked down to see that Spike’s glass was still full, while Jets was drained of all gin. You were working on yours at a slower pace. “You don’t feel like drinking tonight?”

“Hmm?” Spike looked down at his drink, sloshing it against its glass walls. “ Oh, I’ll get to it.” He said before reaching out and touching your back gently, his fingers tracing circles on your spine.

What a win-win situation, Ein gets to be loved on and you get to be petted, you thought. Goosebumps rose on your arms as Spike continued. The sky turned to night, all the stars in the galaxy could be seen from the bridge’s giant front window. Ed was curled up in a ball in front of it, tuckering herself out. Ein provided some warmth to Ed, loafing on Ed’s stomach. Their snores mixed in together, obnoxiously loud, but incredibly cute.

Spike never got to his drink, so he offered it to you instead. Two was all you needed to finish off the night. You took over Ein’s spot on Spike’s lap, your arms wrapped around his neck as you conversated with the boys. His hands rubbed the side part of your stomach before interlocking, his heated palms providing comfort. You wouldn’t mind falling asleep here.

The flash of Faye’s Redtail blinded you as she clumsily parked out on the flight deck. You didn't care as long as she didnt destroy the hangar, then you all would be in huge trouble.

“She’s home early.” Jet stated, watching as she stumbled out of the ship.

“It’s not even midnight yet. Think she missed us?” Spike called out sarcastically.

“Doubt it.”

This was the last of peaceful silence for the night, you thought. You were hoping not to jinx it.

BAM!

Everybody around you whipped their heads to the source of the sound, except yours, because you knew exactly who it was and what was going to happen. Ein used Ed’s stomach as a launching pad, frightened at the loud noise. What could you say, you have a knack for sensing a challenge. The only thing was, you were not in a mood to seek it. It was brought to you, sucking all good energy out of the room and switching it to a fireball of jealousy.

In walked a staggering Faye, pleased with her grand entrance. She tipped to one side, before switching to the other slightly. Just one look was all it took before you gulped the rest of your drink down, flipping the glass on its head. You could see out of the corner of your eye Spike’s focus was on you. His brows furrowed, head tilting as if to ask what were you doing. Your reply was a swift head rub, his hair swooshing.

“Evening, Faye.” Jet chimed, pushing the bottle of gin closer to his side behind him on his control board. There was no way she was getting any more tonight.

Your gaze changed to Jet, who you thought could also sense the new air in the bridge. He sat at the edge of his seat, arm resting on his knee. What was he waiting for?

A small hiccup bounced off the metal walls, prompting Faye to trip and catch herself on the main control board in the middle of the room. Her eyes closed, she began to shake her head side to side, a small manic giggle escaping her mouth.

“You just-just can’t keep your fucking hands off of him, can’t you?”

You felt a shiver of shock rest on your shoulders as you turned your head to face Faye. Before you could speak, Spike opened his mouth to defend you.

“The hell is wrong with you?” Spike retorted, his hands now pressed firmly on your waist.

“Everything was just fine without her, you-“ Faye snarled as she pointed to Jet, “just had to have a heart.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” Jet replied cautiously.

Faye circled around the control table, using it as support or else she tumbled over. A mumbled slur of insults, consisting of calling you a slut and Spike an idiot. She was drunk, you thought. Let it run off like water. She will be fine once she’s in her bed, snoring her way into a killer hangover. You couldn’t shake that feeling that you needed to start gearing up. You wiggled out of Spike’s hold, planting your feet firmly down as you lean on the control table.

“I..I honestly don’t get it.” Faye said aloud.

“Get what, Faye?” You piped up, the slightest shake in your voice.

Oh! So it can talk!” She cackled out loud. “Let me tell you what, since you asked!”

“Please, I would love to know.”

Her pointer finger shoved right in your face, furiously wanting to make contact. “I-I find it hard to believe that you managed to get him to fuck you.”

“Jesus, Faye, in front of the kids?”

“Fuck that! She’s going to hear what I have to say, whether the slut likes it or not.”

As angry as you should’ve been, coolness was all you displayed. The voice in the back of your head reminded you of unforgettable advice you knew all too well. Alcohol could be a very good truth serum.

“What a f-fucking slut … you know how I think y-you managed to stay on this tin can of a ship?” She muttered. “You have to be f-fucking the captain.”

“That’s enough! Leave until you sober up.” Jet stood up, standing in the space between you and Faye. “Not having any of that on my ship.”

You looked at Spike, face frozen in a silent menacing fury. Leaning back on the console, you kept glancing to see Faye moving further and further away towards the door. That was it, the show's over. But someone had some kind parting words.

“Hey, how about this! I bet Spike has to cover your face while fucking your ugly ass, I would too, you stupid-“

Your knuckles had never stung so bad, but it felt so good to watch Faye’s head swing back. A flurry of raged-filled punches landed on either side of her face, so fast it didnt give her enough time to react. Waking up, Faye gave a heavy footed kick to your side, prompting you to scream out in pain.

Each swing of her high leg swings missed as you ducked, giving you a chance for an uppercut into her stomach. You could hear the sound of the wind knocking out of her with each punch. Faye’s hand pulled your hair back roughly, fists meeting across your face, swiping your nose. Intense pressure built up, the threat of blood leaking out of your nose becoming evident. She wanted to play dirty?

We can play dirty.

You used everything you had in you. Scratching, biting, kicking. You were not going to lose. You did not give two shits if she was vulnerable, this bitch was going down. It felt like forever until you felt the strong arms of Spike yanking you away from the fighting ground.

“Hey, hey, hey!” You heard Jet roar, becoming a flesh and metal cage around Faye’s upper arms, taking a small beating as she tried to claw her way back to you. Ed was yelping and screaming at the top of her lungs, while Ein barked and yowled at the commotion.

“Stop, (y/n), its me you’re hitting, damn it!” Spike yelped as you gave the last swings, realizing that the fight was just about over. You panted, the painful injection of adrenaline overcame your body. You watched on in pity as Jet tried to get Faye to calm down. As you trudged back to your seat, with the help of Spike, the last word was finally given out of the door.

“Get comfy bitch, I’m going nowhere!” You screamed.

“And I know who burned your ship, but there’s no way I’m telling you, you dumb cunt!”

Other insults flew in your direction, but were ignored. You stood in disbelief as you let the major bombshell play over and over. Feeling the soft tug of Spike pulling you back gently down to your seat, letting you wallow for a second. He knelt in front of you, examining your growing black eye and red welts on your face. “Damn, that's going to leave a mark.”

You looked away from him, tears welling in your eyes.

“Oh (y/n), I didn't mean it like that, it doesn’t look that bad.” Spike apologized as you sniffled.

“It’s not that. I-its that..'' sobs so quietly, but causes the greatest quivering, “she knows who did this to me, and won't even fess up because she hates me. What kind of shit is that?”

Tears fell freely onto your lap, pain induced by your loss fueling more hurt. It was so cold by yourself, a shell encasing you in. Through the mists of your tears, the shell was just Spike’s chest moving closer in. The heat of his body provided consolation without words, the tightness and slight rocking bringing you down to a clearer, more relaxed consciousness.

“I’ll catch them for you.” Spike mumbled into your ear, his hands massaging the back of your head. “It won't bring anything back, but if that will make you feel better, I'll do it.”

This wasn’t an empty promise. There was sincerity behind Spike’s words, wanting to help you. It was now confirmed just how much you meant to him. He was willing to assist for payback. His offer was sweet, but it didn't feel right. This wasnt his struggle, it was yours.

You were going to catch them, and only God knew the hell you were going to bring.

[madd-devil]

Slowly falling in love with Felix part 3! :3

"I don't get why you and Felix argue so much!" Pan groaned as he swung his legs over  a fallen tree. "I have been trying to make you two closer… seriously everyone can tell how much you both are smitten with each other!" 

"I don't like Felix!" You said, your face flushing suddenly because of the blunt statement. "I don't even know where you got that stupid idea…" 

"Come on love, I know how it works. And you know what? You two are my favourites, so get together and stop annoying me with your pointless fighting." 

"I would rather die than assume that…" You mumbled as you finished picking berries. "By the way, it is not nice to play favourites."

"You do it too." He smirked, arching an eyebrow. "With Felix." He sang, enjoying embarrassing you.

You approached Pan and handed him the basket with a look. He shook his head with a small laugh, understanding what you meant. After all, you were truly a mother. He disappeared in a foggy green cloud and you hoped he wouldn't eat all the fruits this time. It was always a bad idea to make him your errand boy, but he was fast and could get to the camp quickly thanks to his magic. 

Being a mother to a dozen of lost boys was not easy. Between breaking fights and fixing their messes, it was clear you didn't have any time for yourself. You didn’t really care to be honest, you enjoyed being useful and were very good at it, trying to raise those boys. 

You sighed as you were closing a hole on Butch's old stuffed animal. The kid would bring it everywhere with him, and even if Felix tried to take it away from Butch, the little one always found a way to find his stuffed animal. It was cute to see that pale and scrawny boy hugging that little plushed dog tightly against his body. 

You smiled as you gave Butch his toy back and he muttered a soft thank you before hurrying back to his group of friends. Felix besides you sighed, clearly annoyed at the childish behaviour and you rolled your eyes.

"Stop mothering him." He only stated, his eyes burning into yours.

"I will do what I want, you are no master to me." You replied, slowly standing up to his level. "Besides, I am their mother, it is my job to care for them." 

The scarred boy smirked at your remark, and you were a little taken aback. You wondered what was going on through his thick skull. He leant down to your level, and you felt his breath on your neck. It sent a shiver down your side, and you started to grow nervous about what was going to happen. 

"You realise they will never be yours, right?" 

You let out a shocked and strangled gasp at his statement and watched how proud he was from saying this. That always had been a tough matter to you, and he knew it. He fucking knew it and used it against you, like an insult. You thought he was above using insecurities, but clearly not. You were wrong after all. You pushed him out of your way, walking out enraged, and tried to block out his laughter. He was mocking you as well. 

He was a bastard. 

You promptly ignored Pan's calls to you as you stomped into the dark jungle and stopped until you approached a cliff's edge. Below it, the sea was crashing against the rocks, and you pondered for a moment. Maybe you should jump, to give your numb body a reaction, or to be away from this mess you pulled yourself into. You just wanted to rest for weeks.

It was never easy to be a mother, to never have someone actually cares about you. You sat down, and pulled your knees to your chest, tears slowly rolling down your cheeks. You hated crying about it, but what Felix told you and... and being exhausted from a never ending job clearly had broken you today. 

When you heard someone approaching, you angrily put your head on your knees and closed your eyes, in denial. 

"Go away! I don't want to speak to anyone." 

"I think you want to listen to what I want to say though." 

Your eyes shot up right open and you scowled.

Felix. Of course it was him disturbing your little moment of peace. 

You resisted the urge to attack him, and instead focused on ignoring the lost boy. He sighed and walked up to you, kneeling down in the process. You tried to avoid glancing at him, and looked at the horizon.

"I'm..." He started with difficulty. "I am sorry for what I said in the camp. It was... uncalled for." 

"Did Pan give you a little recital before coming here?" You hissed, finally daring to glare at him. 

"No. I came on my own. I would never lie about this."

You hummed, not fully trusting him. You heard him sighing again and leaving. It was better that way. Felix was like the others, but at least he apologised for his horrid comment earlier. 

Later that night, you went to bed with a pained, anxious and sick feeling in your stomach. Deciding to ignore it, you went to bed quickly, very happy that the day had passed and that you didn’t have to deal with Felix. But, you unfortunately had to deal with nightmares

Hands were tied up to your neck, and you couldn’t even protect yourself. The hands belonged to no one, they just swarmed around in the shadows to grasp you. 

A set of them were shaking you rather roughly, but you couldn't react. A voice reached your ears, you couldn't understand what it was saying. At this point, you wanted nothing but to throw up. In an ultimate effort to fight the nightmare off, you started to trash against the hands.

"Stop moving! It's me!" Felix's voice reached your mind and snapped you back to reality.

Your eyes snapped wide-open and you gasped, realising you had stopped breathing while you were sleeping. You were sweaty and were pretty sure your hair was all over the place. The blond haired boy was holding both of your hands rather roughly, but you didn't want to say anything about it. You felt like something big was going to happen, and a threat was hung above your head. 

Your breath hitched many times as you tried to ask him what he was doing here, but the precious air seemed to stop pumping your lungs and you grasped at Felix's shirt. He immediately took you in his arms, laying down with you as tears fell from your eyes. His big hands circled your back and you slowly calmed down, clutching on to him, your eyes still darting around the tent in the search of danger. Felix must have sensed this, because he kept you closer to him.

"Don't worry, as long as you are with me, no one will ever take you from us. And no one will ever hurt you." He murmured with a soft and the first genuine smile you witnessed him bearing. "I promise." 

You nodded eagerly, you never had the intention to leave Neverland, even when you were the first to witness how horrible and terrible this island could be. You have seen Pan snapped so many times toward a boy, but especially to pirates, and you can't count the number of times you had watched him entering the camp, bloody, with Felix at his side, equally looking dishevelled. You realised that you never questioned them about what happened. The only time a boy did it, the second in command screamed it was to protect them and the island. You didn’t know if it was the truth, if they both enjoyed massacring Hook's crew that always came back or if they felt regret at all.

Finally, you felt your breathing come back at its normal pace. You were feeling tired again, but didn't know if he was going to stay. You heard some snores suddenly, and you looked up to see the blond haired boy already asleep. You didn’t care about the consequences of sleeping with Felix at the moment. It was nice, to finally have one little moment for yourself. Ultimately, you curled on yourself, clutching Felix’s arm and fell asleep as well. 

"(Y/N)! Devin puts thorns in my shoes!" A boy cried as he entered the tent. "What are you doing with Felix?!" He screeched, waking up both of you. 

The blond haired boy immediately blushed when he realised the position he was in, and you completely understood why: you were both tangled in each other limb, and anyone walking through could imagine what had happened. As long as Pan wasn't coming in...

"Come on Felix! At least take the girl on a date before jumping to the most fun part." He chuckled, wiggling his eyebrows with a suggestive tone as he appeared in front of the innocent boy. 

"We weren't... doing this!" You cried, feeling your cheeks heating up, embarrassed as you got up from bed to attend to the lost ones. 

"What were they doing Pan?" The boy asked curiously and innocently.

"Nothing! Now, let's take a look at your shoes, okay?" You smiled at him while taking his much smaller hand in yours. 

As you left the tent, you could hear Pan's laughter echoing in the camp. You bite your lips and ignore the looks of the older lost boys. Word spread like wildfire there. Despite their appearances, the boys were very noisy and you disliked this. 

You spent the day avoiding Felix, and by doing so you avoided your feelings growing for him. What was wrong with you? You hated the way he made you feel but you had to admit: what he did last night was... incredible. You had loved the way he had embraced you and calmed you down almost immediately. After all, there wasn't only bad in him. 

You cluelessly smiled to yourself as you thought this and nearly bumped into Peter Pan, who appeared suddenly in front of your person with that sly look... You knew it, and rolled his eyes at him with a sigh. 

"You are so in love with him, aren't you?" He sang as leant against a tree with his arms crossed. "Felix is shy, so maybe you should... ask him what he feels about you." 

"Of course not! That is private. I am not going to pester him with..."

"But he loves you too!" The green eyed boy cut you and groaned in annoyance. "I just want my favourite lost ones to be... to be happy. I know you both can't hear the music, so therefore you aren't truly lost and I don't care about that. I don't enjoy seeing both of my friends sulking." He admitted, a little embarrassed after pouring his thoughts on your situation. "It's my rules after all. I can bend them or break them whenever I feel the need to." 

You pondered for a moment after what Peter Pan told you. You walked over, and leant next to him as well. Most of the time, Pan had treated you like you were his maid or a mother, often mocking you for being it. But he knew why it was important for you and that you enjoyed caring for the boys. It was surprising for him to be called his friend, and an immense honor. 

"Fine... I will do it. I will talk to Felix." You assured him with a soft smile and you playfully ruffled his hair. 

He snorted at your motion and attempted to do the same to your hair. Two members of a sentry appeared, cutting short to the fun. You stayed next to Pan as he listened to what they had discovered: apparently, Hook and his ship were back to Neverland. You gulped nervously: the last time he came, it ended badly for both sides. You had never seen Pan that furious and enraged. You glanced at the lost boy leader and he commanded you to get back to the camp as fast as possible. You understood why, he didn’t want to endanger you. 

You spent most of the night at the main campfire, wondering when Pan and the two boys will come back. You hoped none of them were injured... Hook seemed stronger and stronger each time he returned to the island. You shuddered as a sudden cold wind reached and you cursed yourself for not having thicker clothes. 

"You look cold." Felix's monotonous voice said behind you. "Here let me..." 

Not daring looking at him, you let him do what he intended. The familiar worn out wool cloak was now hugging your figure and instantly warmed you up. 

"Thank you..." You whispered, not wanting to wake up the sleeping boys. "I think I am just tired." You tried to justify.

"Why don't you go to sleep then?" He asked as he sat down next to you, his eyes staring into the fire.

"I want to wait for the others. I have to make sure they come back safely." You blurted out immediately and worriedly. 

"You are a good mother." The young man murmured, and you swore you saw the tips of his ears reddening a little. 

Remembering your talk with Pan, you gulped nervously and played with your hair for a moment, trying to find the right words to admit your feelings. You were very tense, and hoped he would take it well. Finally, you found some courage in your frail body and looked directly at him. The lost one seemed concerned for a moment but waited for you to speak. 

"Felix I... I care about you a lot." You tried, hoping he would understand. 

"I do too." He confessed with a rare and genuine smile. "I care about you as well, more than the boys actually." 

You sighed in relief with a small laugh. So he was not that of an idiot after all! That immediately reassured you.

"You matter for me... as well as Pan." 

"Wh... What?" You breathlessly stuttered, eyebrows furrowimg in confusion. 

"I care about you the same I care about Pan." He repeated confidently. "I will always have your back. It feels nice to say it."

"Right..." 

You were such an idiot. You thought Felix loved you, obviously, he didn't. Then why was he sometimes... caring? Wasn't he the one who brought you the flowers in the first place? Wasn't it the reason why he messed with you a lot? You shook your head, hoping that your thoughts and feelings would disappear. 

"I am tired. I should get to bed." You said, clearly sounding disappointed and taking off the cloak.

"It is for the best. I will stay, don't worry. You look a bit sick... you okay?" Felix questioned as you handed him back his cloak. 

"Yes... Yes, don't worry about me." You gave him a fake reassuring smile and yet his eyes seemed to understand you were lying but he didn't question it. 

What an imbecile you were, you thought as you stomped toward your small tent. Sometimes you wished you could take out your own heart and crush it beneath your foot. You hated having feelings.