#my entire presentation was 'YEAH THE GRAPHICS ARE BAD BUT LOOK AT THE COOL CHARACTERS AND THE DARK SCARY VIBE. IT WAS REVOLUTIONARY.'

[oldworldwidgets]

ur welcome to make a 115-slide powerpoint presentation titled

fallout 3 is good, actually

for presentation night with ur friends. but watch out

[raindownforme]

First off, I adore your work! You’re writing is absolutely lovely!

And also I have a request.

Ted is a the popular theater kid and reader is the punk of the school who keeps to their clique. Ted grows an interest for the reader and constantly tries to flirt with them in front of their friends and in private or get a date with them. Reader brushes him off most of the time but grows to like him.

Shakespeare

Ted Nivison x reader [she/her used]

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” The tall brunette stood at the front of the English classroom, reading from the book in his hand. The teacher sat at her desk a few paces away, taking note of how he talked. y/n watched him lazily, not quite caring for Shakespeare. “Thou art more lovely and temperate.”

y/n didn’t pay attention as Ted continued the presentation. She flicked her mechanical pencil between her fingers, biding time. “Thank you, Theodore, for sonnet 18. Next is 19– y/n?”

“I chose the annotation project.”

“Thank you. Who had 20?”

Ted took the seat next to y/n. “How’d I do?”

“Not bad. I mean, I’m sure you could’ve done better theater kid.”

“I don’t know. Let me practice it for you and we’ll see.” y/n rolled her eyes, resting her flushed cheek against her hand. “What was yours about?”

“Also romance. I mean it’s half of what the guy wrote about.”

“I could teach you some of his other stuff.”

“Yes. Theodore. The theater tutor.”

“Aw. Is it my aesthetic? Is that the problem?” y/n exaimned the difference between the two of them. Ted wore the same blue jeans, sneakers, and graphic tee to school every day. Of course y/n had a few staple pieces; her leather boots and mix-matched pieces of jewelry, but she did most commonly wear dark or patterned pants and faded shirt.

“It’s a thousand percent the aesthetic.”

Ted closed his notebook, playfully muttering the himself. The school bell rang and y/n stood up, shoving belongings into a book bag as the teacher made announcements to the leaving students.

“Hey. Come see the show.”

“What show?” She pushed through the crowd as Ted followed. y/n could spot her friends group in the distance, waiting just outside the doors.

“The show! Midsummer’s Night Dream. I’m starring in it.”

“Yeah sure. Like I can afford it.” Her hand hit the door, but he stepped in front of her, preventing her from leaving the building. “Ted-“

“Please. Tonight. Seven. I’ll set a ticket aside for you.” She felt her face heat up as moved away slightly. “Might wanna say hi to your friends for me y/n.”

The boy walked away and y/n continued out the door to her and her friends’ lunch period.

———

“I mean. What’s the worst that could happen?” y/n’s friend, Alix, peeled away the paper wrapping around his sandwich. “Do you even like the guy?”

“I don’t- I don’t know.”

“So it could be yes.” Alix leaned in the back of his seat as he took a bite of his lunch. y/n and her friends were sitting in Alix’s truck in the school parking lot, all eating something they either brought from home or bought at a fast food place near the school.

“It’s always wise to indulge in the arts.” Jaz, one of y/n’s other friends spoke from the back seat.

“Dude would you shut up? You took a writing class once.” The last one of the group, Ryan, waved away what Jaz said. “If you like the guy you like him. If you don’t you don’t. Or play with him. I don’t care.”

“I’m not going to play with Ted’s feelings.” y/n searched through her French fries mindlessly. “He Is cute. I don’t know guys.”

“Just go to the show. It can’t be that bad.”

———

Lunch passed, as did the next couple classes, until y/n’s last period of the day. Thankfully, it was a TA period, so there wasn’t much to do.

“Dearie would you run these to the theatrics department for me?” The lady behind the front desk has to be at least 80 at this point, but y/n stood to take the stack of papers from her. “Thank you.”

y/n smiled and left, taking leisure in her walk. The sole of her boots slapped against the off-white linoleum, echoing through the hallways and cafeteria as she crossed the entire building. She never really realized how far the performing arts hall was until walking to it.

The door creaked as it opened to an empty black classroom. “Hello?” She stepped in, her words echoing. She could hear some small commotion deeper into the theater. She followed the noise, finding herself in what looked like a workshop. “Hi?”

“y/n!” She whipped her head to the side to see Ted walking through a large doorway. “Always a pleasure to see you. Especially here. How can I help love?”

y/n brushed off his comment the best she could. “I’m looking for the director? I’ve got some papers to deliver.”

She held out the papers, trying to show Ted, but instead he linked one of his pinkies with hers. “I’ll take you.”

She stared at their linked fingers as Ted dragged her from the workshop to the back of the audience. Ted talked to somebody, but she didn’t quite pay attention.

“And who’s this?”

Looking up, she met eyes with a man she hadn’t quite spoken to before. He wasn’t quite as tall as Ted, and he wore a blue blazer and hiking boots. “This is y/n, from the front office.”

“Ah.” He nodded at Ted. “And is this who-“

“Yes.” Ted cut him short, rubbing at the back of his own neck.

“Well thank you.” The man took the papers from her hand. “We hope to see you tonight.”

She watched him walk away before turning back to Ted. “What’s he mean?”

“Well, he’s who I had to talk to about your ticket. You are coming tonight aren’t you?”

“I can swing by.”

“Good.” Ted brought their still conjoined hands up and lightly kissed her knuckles. “I’ll be watching for you.”

———

y/n had been waiting for a while now.

When school had got out, she had hung around with her friends for a while, getting something to eat and doing some homework, but now it was 6:53 and she was stuck in line at the ticket counter. In front of her were five people. She was five people away from whatever was to come out of tonight.

“Next!” The line shuffled forwards as two people walked inside. She bounced on her feet, watching the exchange of cash between the student running the ticket booth and the patrons. “Next!”

“Hi I think I had a ticket reserved for me.” The student looked over their shoulder at something, then back to y/n.

“Who reserved it?”

“Ted Nivison?”

“Oh. Okay then this is for you.” The student handed over a rectangular ticket with a seat number stamped on the bottom. “Enjoy the show.”

y/n walked through the double doors into the audience. Most of the seats were full, and it took her a few minutes to find the seat marked for her. When she did, she set her backpack down in the front of her, noticing something underneath her seat. It was a folded piece of paper with a note from Ted.

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, so long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

-Ted

She stuck the note in her pocket and traded it for her phone. 6:59 pm. She silenced it and looked back to the stage, anxiously waiting. The lights dimmed and she stared up the stage. The curtains began to open and it revealed Ted standing in Grecian style clothing with minimal armor pieces. He stood with his hand outstretched to a girl wearing similar clothing.

Ted’s eyes surveyed the audience, landing on y/n with a smirk. “Now, fair Hippolyta, our nuptial hour draws on apace…”

y/n sat in awe for the next two hours. She watched as Ted moved across the stage, putting to life the story as if he’d lived it. She watched as the characters came to life, as the set moved, and as the lights changed. And two hours later, the curtain closed and the cast came together to do bows. She clapped furiously, then watched everyone stand from their seats and leave. She stood, trying to grab her things. The theater had been nearly emptied by now, people rushing out to say hi to people they knew in the cast.

y/n looked around. To the side of the curtain, just peeking out, was someone waving. She walked over, realizing it was Ted.

“Hey there! What’d you think?”

“That was amazing, Ted.” The boy smiled, taking her hand in his. He began to pull her backstage with him. “Wait Ted-“

“It’s fine don’t worry. Here.” Ted pulled her to stand near the classroom area. “Give me two minutes.”

She watched Ted enter the dressing room. For a moment, it was quiet, until everyone else started to file in. The room quickly became loud, filling with student’s voices.

“Hey.” Ted tapped y/n on the shoulder. “I know it’s a lot. Come with me.” Ted draped an arm over her shoulders as he pulled her outside into the crisp night air. “Better?”

“Yeah. Better. Ted that was- that was awesome.”

“I’m glad I can impress you.” Ted checked his phone. “It’s nine already. You have plans?”

“No I-“

“Come get dinner with me. My treat.”

“Ted. It sounds like you’re asking me on a date.” She lightly nudged him with her elbow.

“It’s only a date if you say yes.”

y/n paused, taken aback by the sudden forwardness. “If I say yes?”

“You don’t have to! Don’t think you have to!” Ted gestured with his hands in a panicked motion. “I just- I think you’re really cool and pretty with your style and I’ve always liked you for as long as I can remember and I was just wondering-“

“Yes.”

He paused, eyes wide as a blush crept onto his face. “Yes? Yes as in yes a date? Our date?”

y/n stood on her tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Take me on a date theater boy.”

Ted wrapped her in a hug, pressing a kiss to her nose. “Anywhere you want.”

——————

Hi! I hope this is what you were looking for!

[nekojitachan]

Falling

This is one of my owed fics from the aftgremix ‘guess which fic is mine’ challenge - @filteredred asked for a story based on the prompt by  @veronicabuncherites 10.  you’ve been breaking into my car to sleep at night and I’ve let it slide because it’s been cold out but I have a date and I need you to find somewhere else (fine, go in my house/garage, I don’t care, you’re not messing this date up for me)   (found here), for andreil.

I hope I did it justice, of course the mind went in one direction and blew the 1k minimum out of the water. *sighs*

Ah... guess ‘T’ rating - lots of references to Andrew’s childhood in the foster system (nothing graphic, just the whole ‘NOT GOOD’ thing), and dating references. Also, mention of a character being homophobic. This is an AU PSU fic, too.

*******

Andrew internally sighed when he got out to his car and realized that Josten had crashed in it yet again. Normally he tried to overlook it (even though it was his car) because it was cold out, Josten was a fellow former foster kid and the idiot would just sleep outside on a bench or something rather than put up with his asshole roommate – it had absolutely nothing to do with big blue eyes and dark auburn curls which fell into them when not pulled back by atrociously orange bandanas and an impossibly perfect ass.

Absolutely nothing.

Josten was mouthy, temperamental rookie who enjoyed Exy way too much and had been damaged by the same fucked-up system which had spit out Andrew, to the point that Foxes’ favorite bet on the kid (other than him starting fights) was if he was gay or straight. It was almost through the end of the fall semester and Josten showed no sign of helping his teammates settle the bet anytime soon, as he ignored anyone not on the team and even then his relationship with the rest of the Foxes could only be considered ‘platonic’ at best.

Such as him sleeping in someone’s car to avoid dealing with his homophobic, envious, asshole roommate.

Andrew banged on the roof of the GS a couple of times to wake the idiot and avoid a repeat of Neil pulling a knife on him upon being woken up without warning; he’d much rather save the ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’ for his date later that night.

As expected, there was the sound of muted cursing when Neil jolted awake, followed by movement as Neil scrambled to grab his meager things (and brandish the ever-present weapon) until he realized it was Andrew standing outside. Then he gave Andrew a tentative wave before he put away the knife and opened the nearest back door. “Hi.”

Andrew gave him a cool look until the freshman exited his car. “Again?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah.” Josten dumped his ratty backpack on the ground and huddled inside his overlarge second-hand coat, the hood of the sweatshirt worn beneath it pulled over his head; he looked ridiculously young at the moment, looked ridiculously attractive with those blue eyes and sharp cheekbones and full bottom lip, which made something inside of Andrew clench hard when he thought about the kid in the foster system. “It was Seth and Allison last night, seems they’re back on this week.”

Huh, usually Renee gave Andrew some sort of warning when her bitch roommate hung out with the loser so he was prepared to find Josten camping out in the GS. “Well, if they’re back at it tonight, find somewhere else.” At Josten’s curious look, Andrew motioned to his car. “I’ve a date.”

“Oh.” Josten hunched his shoulders at the news then gave a lopsided smile. “That’s fine, it’s not supposed to rain or anything so I’ll be fine.”

The idiot was going to camp outside, Andrew thought as he pinched the bridge of his nose. The temps were barely above freezing as an unexpected cold front covered the South, and Josten just shrugged at the thought of ‘roughing it’, even if he was supposed to be from Maryland or some other Northern state.

Josten didn’t say much about himself, other than his parents were dead and he’d ended up in the foster system afterwards at a young age, and Wymack was unusually tight-lipped about the kid, too. All the man had told the team was that Josten was damn good at Exy and had ‘anger and trust issues’, and so was a prime candidate for the Foxes. He’d been Wymack’s and Kevin’s first pick for the team, and those ‘issues’ had basically ensured that not many other teams had wanted him.

Andrew found it suspicious that there’d been precious little in the kid’s file when he’d broken into Wymack’s office to check him out.

Upon meeting him, Andrew had taken in the attitude, the spewed insults, the almost desperate ‘don’t fuck with me’ air and the hidden knives, and gone off to his session with Bee to inform her with some satisfaction that she’d definitely be earning her pathetic paycheck that year.

After she met the idiot, she remarked about how nice it was, for the Foxes to have a new player so devoted to the sport – and an attractive player at that, and when Andrew gave her a blank look in return, produced the low hum she always did when she knew she’d scored a point.

So by all rights, Andrew should just walk away… but for some stupid reason he thought about Nicky taking in him and Aaron, about Wymack offering his brother a scholarship as well as him, about Renee and her knives and offer to teach him how to fight with them.

About a stubborn, mouthy redhead sleeping out in the cold.

“Look, Aaron’s going to be off with his girlfriend,” Andrew managed to get the words out without clenching his jaw too much, “and Kevin’s spending the weekend at Coach’s shitty place, so the room will be empty tonight. You can crash in Kevin’s bed, I’m sure he won’t mind.” The Exy addict would probably be pleased that his mini-me was getting a proper night’s sleep for once.

Josten gave him a wary look as he picked up his backpack. “What about you?”

“Hot date, remember? I shouldn’t be back tonight.” If all went well, at least; Andrew and Roland had been circling around each other for a while, and finally were to go out after Roland’s shift at Eden’s ended that night.

Josten gazed at him for a couple of seconds as if debating what to do or if it was a trap of sorts, but for the most part, the two of them got along – Andrew did let the kid crash in his car, after all, and Josten treated him with respect (or what Josten considered ‘respect’ – a bare minimum of antagonism and insults). “Okay, thanks.” He shivered a little as he shoved his bare hands into the pockets of his thrift-store coat. “I mean, it wouldn’t have been too bad, sleeping on the roof….”

“Come to my dorm room at seven-thirty,” Andrew said, feeling exhausted all of a sudden.

“Okay,” Josten repeated before flashing him a wide grin and taking off, in the direction of the stadium, of all places. Andrew figured he was headed there to bother Wymack and get some practice in (and avoid his roommate as much as possible); he pushed all thoughts of the rookie striker out of his head (or tried to) as he got into his car and headed out for coffee and donuts.

Aaron was up when he returned to the dorm, eyes bleary and hair still flattened from bed. “Coffee?” he grunted out as soon as he saw Andrew; he’d spent the entire ride back from their game at Madison studying for an exam on Monday, and would head over to the cheerleader’s to resume in a little bit.

“With extra shots of espresso,” Andrew said as he set the drink carrier on the counter, along with the box of donuts. “And the cherry jelly donuts you like.”

His brother made a pleased noise as he shuffled forward to grab at the large cup of coffee. Andrew waited until he had several sips and a donut before he spoke again. “Josten’s going to crash here tonight.”

“Eh? Neil?” Aaron frowned as if trying to make sense out of the words and grabbed another donut. “What, he fighting with the asshole again?”

When wasn’t Josten fighting with Gordon? The upperclassman was an asshole to everyone, and Josten being a better striker than him meant that he was constantly goading the temperamental rookie on, much to most of the Foxes’ annoyance. “Seems that the asshole got back together with Reynolds.”

“Ah. Well, fine with me, I’ll be at Katelyn’s because of the Physio exam.” Aaron gazed at Andrew as if daring him to object.

“And I’ll be staying with Roland after going to Eden’s,” he shot back; they stared at each other before Aaron looked away first so he could have some more coffee.

It wasn’t perfect, their ‘acceptance’ of each other’s ‘dating’ preferences, but Nicky had forced the two of them to sit down and hash out their differences before he’d returned to Germany. Andrew didn’t step in with Aaron’s girlfriends unless there was proof they were using his brother for something (which unfortunately wasn’t the case with Katelyn – at least yet), and Aaron kept his shitty, homophobic comments to himself. To be fair, Aaron did seem to be working on getting better in not being such a bastard in that regard after finding out that Andrew was gay.

“Whose bed is he using?” Aaron asked once he finished another donut.

“Kevin’s.”

Aaron gave him an odd look like that before sipping his coffee, which made Andrew narrow his eyes. “What?”

“Just… the guy’s not bad looking, considering how half the Vixens flirt with him all the time, and you actually let him live after breaking into your car. Would have thought you might have wanted the excuse to get him into your bed.”

Andrew had the last bite of his cream-filled donut then brushed the powdered sugar from his hands as he gave his brother a cold look. “I didn’t kill him because it would have gotten blood all over the car.”

“A car which you still let him sleep in,” Aaron argued. “All the time.”

“Because he doesn’t fuck with it, he just sleeps there.” Why did he have to defend himself like this?

“You don’t let anyone drive that thing, and you nearly took off Kevin’s arm when you thought he scratched it the one time.”

Andrew gave him a look which clearly asked ‘your point’?

“And don’t think that I haven’t noticed the way you stare at his ass during practice,” Aaron added with evident relish. “You like him. You let him sleep in your car without stabbing him and now you’re letting him crash in our room because you like him, the walking disaster he is.” Aaron wrinkled his nose as if mildly disgusted. “So why are you going out with Roland, who’ll sleep with anyone, instead of Neil?”

“Because Roland will sleep with anyone,” Andrew quipped, just to annoy his brother. “And I don’t like Josten.”

“Ew, didn’t need to know that.” Aaron rubbed at his eyes as if trying to erase some awful image from his head. “And I think you’re just too afraid of being turned down. Don’t know why, you’re the only one he doesn’t give shit to all the time.” He seemed to think of something. “You and Renee.”

Yeah, because Josten knew that Renee wasn’t the goody two-shoes she appeared to be, had somehow caught a glimpse of ‘Natalie’ carefully hidden beneath the cross necklace and friendly smiles. Oh, Andrew was so curious about the rookie’s past, about what really had happened to his parents, about the old, faded scars on that runner’s body he thought about much too much….

“Your brains are scrambled from too much caffeine, it’s not looking good for your grades,” Andrew taunted as he grabbed another donut, which earned him a rude gesture from his ‘beloved’ twin. At least Aaron dropped the topic after that, in favor of brewing a pot of coffee then getting ready so he could leave for Katelyn’s.

Kevin finally stumbled out of bed an hour or so later, and perked up when Andrew told him he had to change the sheets of his bed since Josten would be using it later that night. “He’s sleeping here? Good.” He scowled at the coffee pot as if offended that it was only half-full then grabbed it to pour himself a cup. “Dad tried to give him and Seth some time to work things out, but he’s about to give him a key to the stadium so he can crash there rather than keep sleeping in your car or somewhere worse, especially with winter approaching.”

There was that damn clenching feeling inside of Andrew at the thought of not going out to his car on the weekends or even before practice during the week on rare occasions to find Josten asleep in the back, curled up in a small ball with his ridiculous hair a mess and pale blue eyes hooded with sleep, a sheepish smile on his face at being caught out there again.

Dammit, Andrew needed his date with Roland.

Kevin checked his phone while drinking his coffee, and must have gotten a text from Wymack about helping out with a certain Exy-addicted rookie hanging out at court because he cursed beneath his breath and whipped up one of his disgusting smoothies which he gulped down before he jumped in the shower, then asked Andrew for a ride to the stadium. For a moment, Andrew almost said ‘no’, but he figured he could always pick up a few things while out.

“After you change your sheets.”

“Right.” Kevin nearly tripped over his own feet as he ran back to the shared bedroom.

And there he was, the ‘great’ Kevin Day, Exy’s best collegiate striker (well, unless you were a Ravens’ fan), a complete airhead off the court (and outside of a history class).

Andrew couldn’t wait until he got to Eden’s.

He dropped off his roommate and ran a few errands, went back to Fox Tower to take a nap then went up to the roof to have a smoke. While he was there, Renee stopped by to chat.

“Gordon and Reynolds,” Andrew started as she handed him a mug of hot chocolate.

“Yes.” She frowned a little as if thinking of what to say, bundled in an old coat and a long, orange knitted scarf with matching mittens on her hands. “I was tired from the game and went straight to bed last night, and didn’t realize that Allison left at some point to go to Seth’s room – I thought she just got up for an icepack because of her elbow.” She appeared chagrined about that, since Renee usually paid better attention to things, but it had been an exhausting game and she’d taken a rough hit herself from an asshole backliner who’d crossed the goal line which had allowed Kevin to score a penalty point. “I guess it was so bad that Matt and Kelly heard them in the next room, so it’s no wonder that Neil went out to your car. Dan’s not happy with her.”

Andrew scoffed to show what he thought about that, and the effect it would have on either Reynolds or Gordon.

“Yes, I know,” Renee sighed before she had some hot chocolate. “At the least, Neil should have a reprieve in another couple of weeks when the two start fighting again.”

Ah, someone was showing her claws, how rare. “Or Gordon’s grades finally slip enough to get him kicked off the team.” Andrew pulled on a mock innocent expression when Renee gave him a hurt look. “What? One can dream, can’t they?” At the least, he only had to deal with the homophobic loser for another semester.

“I won’t even bother,” Renee said as she shook her head. “Matt feels really bad for Neil, he’s debating offering to switch rooms with him even though Wymack had wanted to give the two a chance to ‘bond’ as strikers.” A sad smile curled her lips when Andrew scoffed again. “It’s a shame that Neil’s too wary to make any friends, even though most of the team is trying with him, and some people in his classes from what I hear.” For some reason she gazed at him with an inscrutable expression while she spoke.

There were two main types of foster kids, in Andrew’s experience – the ones who tried so hard to be liked, who were friendly and outgoing and did their best to please, to make friends wherever they ended up, to fit in, to not be picked on (to be hurt and torn apart and outcast). Sometimes it worked out for them, and sometimes… sometimes it eventually became too much, the system (the abuse). Then there were the ones like Andrew, the ones who kept a low profile, who didn’t try because what good did it ever do them? All it ever did was make them stand out, make them more of a target, made unwanted eyes and unwanted attention (unwanted hands and unwanted touches) be drawn their way, made things worse.

Neil Josten? The boy with the striking (ha) pale blue eyes and tousled dark red hair just begging to be touched (to be grabbed) and too-pretty face? He clearly had learned that it was best to not be friendly, to keep everyone at arm’s length with a sharp tongue at the very least, and sharper objects if possible.

No, Neil Josten didn’t do ‘friends’. Yet he still seemed to trust Andrew enough to sleep in his car, and accept his offer of a safe place to spend the night.

Andrew found himself leaning forward to let the rush of fear as he gazed at the ground four stories below overwhelm that damn clenching sensation in his chest.

Renee remained a little longer while they finished the hot chocolate then left with the empty mugs, and Andrew went back down after another cigarette. He read some before he gave in to the urge to clean, which he put down to the fact that neither Kevin nor Aaron were around to bitch about him throwing out things or moving around their stuff.

It wasn’t that he wanted the place to look good for Josten, not at all.

Once that was done, he got ready for the night, taking the time to shave and style his hair. It wasn’t often he went out on ‘dates’, all things considered. He didn’t often find guys who weren’t interested in anything more than getting off who could follow his rules, who stopped when he said ‘no’ and didn’t cross clearly defined boundaries. Since Geoff had moved to Atlanta, Andrew needed a new fuckbuddy, and Roland appeared more than eager to be it.

It was a couple minutes before seven-thirty when there was a knock on the door, but Andrew didn’t mind since he was bored and had nothing to do. He opened it to find Josten on the other side, a wary expression on his face (one of his defaults, that or the sharp grin he wore when about to verbally tear into someone or step out on a court, or an otherwise blank expression) as he clutched the strap of his orange and white backpack in his hands, dressed in the usual worn jeans and oversized, light grey cotton hooded t-shirt. “Uhm, are you still sure….”

Andrew motioned him inside as he stepped away from the door. “You’re sleeping in Kevin’s bed and there’s a towel for you in the bathroom. Don’t touch anything else.” He thought about that for a moment. “You can have Kevin’s energy bars and drinks.”

“It’s fine, I brought stuff.” Josten tugged on the strap of the backpack. “A couple of Seth’s friends came over, they’re planning on hanging out all night so… thanks.” He gazed at Andrew, seemed to take in his appearance then glanced away quickly.

Andrew told himself that he was imagining the slight flush to those sharp cheekbones.

He left after making sure that Josten knew which bed was Kevin’s (as if the PSU bedspread wasn’t a giveaway) and swore to not leave unless he locked the door behind him, then went on his way.

It was quiet in the car without Aaron in the passenger seat and Kevin in the back, arguing over what music to listen to on the drive or how the Foxes had played that week (more like Kevin bitch about how the Foxes had played). Andrew hated to admit that he’d grown used to their presence, to watching over Kevin almost as much as his brother, to no longer being so alone. He didn’t need anyone near him, was fine eating by himself at Sweeties’ (and picking up some cracker dust to enjoy later that night and to take back to PSU for Aaron, for after his exam), and sitting at the bar at Eden’s instead of the usual table.

Roland smiled at him once the bartender noticed his arrival, and spent a couple of minutes flirting while setting him up with a bottle of water and a couple of shots which Andrew nursed over time, along with a couple of packets of the cracker dust. He enjoyed the slight buzz of the drugs and alcohol while watching the people around him, the looks he garnered for the tight fit of his black t-shirt and armbands, and the occasional remark from Roland or the other staff who knew him from him and Aaron working as barbacks during the summers.

Andrew would check his phone from time to time (message from Kevin about an ‘amazing’ practice and getting on him to join in on the evening sessions next week - which wasn’t going to happen, Aaron asking to be put out of his misery, a couple from Nicky which were the usual rambling updates, a note from Renee that Gordon and his idiot friends were being especially rowdy that night so it was good that Neil had someplace quiet and warm to sleep).

“Oh, it looks serious, whatever it is,” Roland remarked as he set another shot of whiskey on the counter in front of Andrew. “Hot sext? Nice and steamy?”

Andrew gave the bartender a bland look for a couple of seconds before he clicked his tongue. “No.”

The curt answer seemed to affect Roland, since he gave a nervous laugh and took a step back. “Ah, okay. Is everything all right?”

“It’s fine.” Andrew internally winced as he thought about how often Josten said something similar, that the rookie insisted that he was all right even if he’d been knocked on his ass and was barely conscious. He stared at a man who’d been hit on so many times in the last couple hours, who was attractive and outgoing and more than willing to get him off that night and….

Nothing.

Well, not quite nothing. He thought about how Roland’s eyes weren’t an enticing pale blue, how his hair was too dark to be auburn, the short dreadlocks weren’t messy loose curls, the bone structure of his handsome face too strong and broad, just like his build, and… and….

Dammit, he wasn’t Neil Josten. Somewhere along the line, Andrew’s fucked up brain (and hormones) had become fixated on a half-feral, mouthy redheaded Exy-addict who treated him with cautious respect.

He was so screwed.

(Not that night, though.)

Numb with unwelcome realization, he grabbed the shot to down it in one go, set the glass back on the bar then reached for his wallet to pay his tab. “I’m done for the night,” he declared as he stood up and set the cash on the bar.

“Wait, what? But I still have to work ‘til close,” Roland shouted as he gawked at Andrew. “What about later?”

Andrew gave him a two fingered salute and walked away without any true regrets.

It was after midnight when he returned to Fox Tower; he could hear noise from the suite where Josten was supposed to room with Gordon, but it was quiet when he approached his own. Considering yesterday’s away game, sleeping in a car and then practicing all day, Andrew imagined that Josten had to be exhausted and probably was asleep, if he hadn’t left to crash someplace else.

He was quiet as he entered the suite, which was dark with the lights turned off and nothing obvious out of place. Andrew left his keys on his desk and his coat draped over the chair, then headed to the bedroom. He’d stepped into the short hallway which led to that room, along with the bathroom and kitchen, when a shadowy figure appeared in the bedroom doorway.

It was Josten, dressed in an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants, hair even more of a tousled mess than usual, with a knife in his hand. “Oh, it’s you.” He sounded tired and confused.

Andrew clicked his tongue as he leaned against the wall. “Really? I let you stay here and you repay me with blood on the carpet? How rude.”

Josten’s face grew flushed as he glanced at the knife then hid the hand holding it behind his back. “Uhm, I… what are you doing back?”

That wasn’t a denial that he hadn’t planned on stabbing someone, how interesting. “Change of plans.”

“Oh.” Something like disappointment flashed across Josten’s face for a moment and then he summoned up a weak smile. “Give me a minute to get my stuff and I’ll be out of your way,” he said before he turned around to go into the bedroom.

As if acting on its own, Andrew reached out to grab onto the loose sleeve of Josten’s t-shirt; he didn’t know who was more surprised, him for not being stabbed or Josten by the action. “You don’t have to leave,” Andrew said, his voice rough for some reason.

Josten frowned for a moment but didn’t pull away – in fact he remained still but didn’t seem tense or upset about Andrew’s nearness. “But you let me stay here because you’d be elsewhere. Now that you’re here, I’ll go.” That damn lopsided smile appeared as Josten nodded toward the front door. “There’s always your car, right?”

“Stay,” Andrew ordered as he let go. “Kevin changed his sheets, don’t let such a monumental effort be for nothing.”

Josten gave him an intent look as he sheathed the switchblade. “It won’t bother you, me being here?”

Oh, now that was a loaded question. “You snore?”

“No.”

“Then get back to bed.” He met Josten’s searching gaze with a blank one of his own until the rookie finally did as he’d been told.

Feeling drained all of a sudden, Andrew went into the bathroom to get ready for the night, and was pleased to notice that Josten hadn’t left a mess when he’d used it; the towel he’d left out for him had been refolded and placed on the sink, the only sign that someone had been in there. Andrew didn’t waste any time before he went into the bedroom.

Josten was in Kevin’s bed, the duvet pulled up to his nose and his eyes closed, but somehow Andrew doubted that the kid was asleep. He took his time changing into cotton pants and a clean t-shirt for bed, and noticed that the duvet was tugged up even higher when he went to climb into his bed.

Interesting.

It should bother him, having a stranger in the room, but from all appearances, Josten had obeyed the ‘don’t touch anything’ rule since nothing but the towel had been out of place, and had been willing to give up his warm bed for Andrew’s comfort. As much as he hated to admit that Aaron may be the slightest bit right….

Fuck.

Tomorrow, he told himself as he contemplated smothering himself with the pillow. Tomorrow he’d deal with this… whatever with Josten. Neil. With the improbable pipedream faking sleep a couple yards away.

At least his fucked-up hormones knew enough to fall for a pipedream who had good tastes when it came to picking cars to break into, he consoled himself right before falling asleep.

*******

I have WAY TOO MUCH of a backstory built for this, obviously. Nicky never worked at Eden’s, just Aaron and Andrew during summer breaks, so he never got beat up and Andrew put on drugs. That meant he could leave to go back to Germany, but not before he put some extra effort into making the twins get along better (a LITTLE easier to do since Andrew wasn’t on meds). Kevin went to Wymack, not the Nest, when his mother died. There’s still some Moriyama drama going on - Riko gave him grief for not going to E.A. for university, and for recruiting Andrew, which is why Andrew is watching out for Kevin (Riko tried to pull a stunt when Andrew turned down E.A, but Kevin had warned him beforehand that something might happen, so Andrew feels something is owed and refuses to let Riko win).

And of course, Neil ended up in the foster system - Mary and Nathan killed each other one night instead of her running away, and the Feds gave him a new name and put him in the system. While not the horror that Andrew endured... it wasn’t good, especially w/ the Feds shuffling him around all the time.

Uhm, think that’s the main stuff.

Anyway, @filteredred, I hope you liked it!

Three more to go, since this week is probably going to be really busy, I’m going to try to work on them and not Ghost in You (I FINALLY finished ch14), and then get back to that story.

[bilgisticallykosher]

Selfishness vs. Selfishness Redux

Pre-episode thoughts. I don't think they're going to address the dark side Everybody-already-knew-that thing right away. I'm still thinking Deceit's gonna be Virgil, but I'm also not so certain that's going to wind up going down. Because there's a lot of other stuff to get into. We know from the first Asides that stuff between Virgil and Patton is growing, and simmering. It's coming, and while that's in the future, there's probably going to be more build-up here. Is it that Patton knew about Virgil's past? Is it something else entirely? This is going to be a two hour episode, geez. 

Also, I can't believe he's actually going to the wedding. Idk. All those people saying he got the date wrong, though? First of all, Logan is in charge of the schedule, he'd never let that happen, how dare? And also, I always double check dates and invitations for stuff. I really doubt Virgil wouldn't have looked at the invitation and checked the information again. Watch me be totally wrong now. 

I don't know who I think the cloaked figure is. Could be Deceit ("like a freaking Scooby Doo villain"), could be Thomas himself. Probably not Organization XIII, but I'm not completely eliminating the option, let me have this. 

Things I'd like, but am 99% certain won't happen; Deceit's name (which I'm both hoping and expecting to not start with D), a new side, Remus and Deceit interacting on camera, or really Remus at all. Except for that green score of BOOBS, I maintain that's Remus's contribution. 

ALRIGHT, LET'S GO, I'M NOT READY!!!!

First impression of the thumbnail. You vs. Yourself???? Oh my gosh. Ohhhh, I'm freaking out. Patton looks so apprehensive, and I don't know if that's on general, or because of Roman or in response to Roman, because Roman looks so annoyed at Patton! He's so angry oh my gosh. I mentioned I wasn't ready, right? Okay. Okay. So their sprites are different styles, which is cool. Patton's looks risk-based stroll around town type of RPG, Roman's looks fighting style. 

The options for the character select???? Oh my gosh, that's. Hi, Remus. Anyway, uh, I don't know what this means, but there's three character options on top and- DARK SIDES ARE SEPARATE FROM LIGHT SIDES! Oh gosh, I was thinking maybe it was something to do with specifically Logan. Ooh, Deceit's in his lawyer outfit, nice touch.  THERE'S AN EXTRA BLANK PLAYER OPTION. I don't know if that means he'll be revealed this episode, or just that he exists. I mean, we just had Deceit's logo, Remus's reveal and name reveal… here goes.

IT STARTS WITH THE VIDEO GAME??? THIS IS THE INTRO????? THE WEDDING??????!!!!!!! Oh hey word crush. Oh hey, it's the couple! Starting to think this is a dream or fantasy, btw. Also, Lee and Mary Lee sound like...Esteban and Valerie? Maybe? Idk. Omg, Life is pain. 

This is awkward, beautiful. Pfft, hence the marriage. Photographer is great, no idea who he or the emcee are. Ooh. Crushed. 

INTRO??? EXCUSE ME??? Oh was SvS originally on 3/31? Yeah, good, play a review like all of us haven't been obsessing over what happened last time. "APRIL 13" I'm just going thi pause forever now. Oh this is going to be the angry walk in that was previewed in the bloopers, I can tell. Oh no. OH NO! And it is at night and he seriously freaking actually went to the wedding????

Oh my gosh he's so angry. Ohhh, Patton rethinking his phrasing, nice. You should never→I'm surprised that you etc. Oh Roman! Oh, maybe we should… not review. Oh boy. 

Oh there's Patton's avatar. In then guitar hero thing. Oh, Thomas is associated with the color white, confirmed??? I like how they did the notes there. So much detail. The talk sprites are great, but the expressions on the dancing sprites are worth paying attention to. Okay, Patton's still very, um, defensive, I guess is the word? Thomas is angry and bereft and confused and full of doubt, and Roman's heavily on the confused side (ha) about him aligning with Deceit. This is why he stole his hat. Great animation work, everyone, that was fantastic, artists! 

"Why didn't I just talk to them before the wedding?" THOMAS. Also, because Deceit specifically prevented Logan from being too close to the courtroom scene by benching him and not asking him what his idea of a compromise was. "I brought that up," well, you did, but Deceit kinda made it seem like you were suggesting lying to them, so you got shut down. Sorry, Ro. Listen, I love Deceit, but the boy's a manipulator. 

We learn to predict the future!!! Roman, no. Woah, Patton's just being completely dismissive. I mean he's been through some hard times the last few episodes, minus LNTAO, but damn. Oh. Roman's very much defending Patton. This forebodes very badly. This is going to explode terribly. Oh no. 

Okay, so, the thing with the feral cats. Is Roman okay? Did someone do this to him? More importantly, did he do this to me? Also, on a serious note, I'm super shocked Deceit hasn't come in yet, because he (and Thomas, and arguably Patton) is obviously regretting going to the wedding. I mean, Virgil's not coming in right away because of the reveal at the end of DWIT, but- hey where's Logan?! Logan and Deceit should both totally be here! *gasp* Except in the one on one episodes (Heart vs. Mind, My Negative Thinking, Logince; the argument) it's always primarily been the two sides that are featured with the others either not there or off-screen or making small cameos. But Deceit was and is an important part of this decision past, present, and going forward! 

Oooh, I like the Lee and Mary Lee backstory. Hm. Patton does bring good points, but. I still agree with- oh, Thomas just solidly saying no made me snort. Okay, so speaking of the coin bleeping, why the video games? I know there's more to come with it, how do they come into play? Oh okay metaphor. 

That was clearly not the good ending, Roman. Bringing up Is Thomas A Good Person again. OOH xylophone, is he a-comin'? Oh he's directly blaming Patton. Wow, Roman. 

A BAGEL?! Oh, game sssssssstore. Really? Frogger, Pat? 16 graphics. Oh there's the hotdogs. OH and there's the cloaked guy! Smashing our theories. That does not seem like Sondheim. 

The puns, oh my gosh, brilliant. Getting to the meat of them here. Gosh these graphics are fantastic. 6AM dull. 

Oh. Hm. Technically, he does not have to give him the 'dog. The building tension is fascinating. 

HI, LOGAN! Patton looking real uncomfortable at "regret." I mean, they all know they regret it now, right? Roman making fun of behoove, that's so funny, I have no idea why. Seriously, whoever's doing the art, I'm dying at Logan's expressions. Woah good thing viewers have the pause button. I'm all for not buying X-mas decorations. I'm doing my part, goyim. 

I'm counting "it's not like Kingdom Hearts" in lieu of that having been Organization XIII. Oh boy, Patton. Right thing vs. Feeling good vs. Feeling good about doing the right thing. This is falling apart. Patton's noise. 

BOOBS omg Deceit is Bowser. I love that painting in the background! Scutes! Time went from limited to being lost to poorly spent to wasted! I'm standing by the purple being Virgil. Fyi, in Judaism, doing a good thing for the wrong reasons doesn't matter, because you're still doing the good thing, even if it's just for the reward. There's a thing about it with Avraham and a King.

Roman's getting close to breaking. Reptilian rapscallian guy. And who's to say he can't be doing it for the reward and to help people? 

"... an individual's happiness and the amount of selfless acts…" that should be number, not amount, Logan! Can't judge good deeds only by how good you feel when you do them. 

Okay, here we go. How do we know what's Right? Killing and stealing is illegal everywhere, yes, Thomas, what are you doing, Thomas???

Oh my gosh, not the trolley problem. They're referring to Deceit as Denial and Roman as Passion! Oh gosh, that looks like Joan, Talyn, Dot, Valerie, and Terrence, and Leo by himself, maybe? Oh geez, I jolted. Logan index carding for trolley problem. 

Unus Annus is right, the trolley problem is stupid. Oh my gosh, Logan's giant wall of text physically pushing Patton back, I spit all over my screen. Skip All. 

Roman's… blaming himself? Oh!!! Are we getting Roman's insecure arc???!!! This is a complex issue, and Patton's having a hard time backing down, and everyone's feeling bad.

Scared?! I hear music! NO. Why is he scared, oh my gosh?????? That's not a tired metaphor. Oh! I've heard of hypoxia! It was hypothesized (and disproven) to be the reason for a specific Bermuda Triangle incident. 

Good point, Logan. Regarding theory and in the moment instincts. Remus mention with intrusive thoughts! Shocked that Logan is arguing for leisure time. Logan's self satisfied smirk at the self-sacrifice. GLITCHY! Oh he's a frog. Lilypadton. 

Oh my gosh I'm getting so stressed. Yes, thank you, Logan for the scream. I… don't. The conscientious comment. No, it's not. This seems… Deceit-y. IT IS! SHARP SIDE OH MY GOSH! Oh, he didn't rise up, he popped out in the freaking dialogue box, NO, FRICK IT WAS RIGHT THERE! And the Nietzsche and the specific examples that he used!!! I'm so angry! I DIDN'T THINK HE'D TAKE LOGAN'S PLACE AGAIN! I MISSED THE SIGNS! 

Hey guys, look, it's Deceit. Bull… frog. Lord of the lies. Oh! 8-bit Deceit theme. Okay, the first thing Deceit said about him not doing it on purpose was nice, but yeah, those words striking him is accurate. Yeesh, harsh. 

Is Patton eating his own words? Oh, uh, is anyone going to acknowledge he hit Thomas? Is that telling of the situation instead of just being a funny background event? 

The crick in Thomas's neck is so funny. SNAKES ON THE PLANE!!! ...Hm. Happy that he brought that up. Oh my gosh, Deceit's spluttering, he's like so bad at things sometimes, I love it. 

Logan! No, don’t do that, everybody appreciates you! Double curse? Pffffft, Logan. Deceit…definitely smiling at Logan's logic. Deceit is interesting here. Oh wow, yikes. He's really fascinating here. Legitimately complimentary? Oh, no, kind of not, maybe. Roman looks distressed.

"...Trees?" Roman's super pumped up. Good for him! Ha, his imitation. Deceit looking confused? Patton looking all sorts of things, I really think that Deceit is being genuine here- NAME?! I'D THIS HAPPENING? Why is he stripping? His, no, what does his glove have to do with his name? 

………. Janice? Did he say Jenus or Janice. It sounded like Janice. Deceit. No. Oh, burn, Roman. Damn, he almost got me. His name is not Janice. No. It's not. Don't even. Deceit was being so straight(ha)forward for the past couple of minutes. Awww, Roman. Insecurity addressing time? Wait, why is Deceit nodding at the hero thing? His lip is trembling, his voice is cracking and oh no! Roman just sank out.

Don't call him Janice, that's not his name. Oh he's being genuine again. Patton's talking about himself. WAIT WHAT. He had a five second cameo, omg. 

Yeah, those are the easier questions. No, Deceit, bad Deceit. Man, his facial expressions in this episode. Fractionally fiendish fibber. Oh, I like the reasons for Deceit being a part of him! That's… cute? Oddly cute, maybe. So, freaking how far in the future is the Asides? 

Stop calling him Janice, that's not his name. Oh, Deceit and Thomas bonding. That snort, oh my gosh. Oh, serious Deceit again! That reaction to "you're right" is oddly similar to that fake laugh at the end of Embarrassing Phases. 

………. Virgil's not here yet. His reveal isn't being addressed. Accepting Deceit. That's why he's so pissed at Patton in Asides. The next episode proper they're going to reveal that Deceit's accepted, more or less, and Patton was a big part of that, hugely changing his mind, that's why he's so pissed at him!!!

April 30th? Oh is this Lee and Mary Lee? I was wrong on the voices. Door-yelling! Hm. I mean. It's nice that they're acknowledging him, but I really don't think that sways the situation one way or another. Cute more background, and Thomas being awkward. They. This could have been instead of the wedding. Kingdom Hearts again! 

Oh hi, Patton and Deceit. He seems annoyed at the situation. Patton and Deceit bonding. Hi again, Leslie. Wild. 

This video really didn't go at all how I thought it would. Roman was barely miffed at Patton. Oh man, this was intense. I. Oh man. I need to process a lot. But I think we're on the right path, here. Janice is not his name!

Okay, I went on tumblr and two seconds in, I saw Janus, which I looked up and that makes way more sense. Another, more condensed post to follow. And several thousand reblogs.

[rockettransman]

MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT ROCKETMAN

I HAVE SO MANY! HERE WE GO!

prelude: i went into this movie pretty jaded and not thinking i was gonna like it. in my head, i got john lennon and elton john confused. i was thinking it was about john lennon. “oh god, they made a movie about that prick?” further, i was already dreading it because they play EJ’s hits on the radio at work all the time, and frankly i was fucking sick of tiny dancer and im still standing. when i watched the trailer i was like “aw geez, elton john sings these? damn, i was hoping i could tolerate him at all.” so. not many high hopes for this movie.

that was until i was on a six hour flight from boston to portland, oregon, and i was delirious with pain and boredom. i was sat in the middle of a father and daughter, and so i really didn’t wanna pull out my laptop and get in their space. reading the subtitles from the office off the airplane tv made me sick. the lights were off and it was 2 am, so no reading. i. was. BORED. and then, i saw someone watching something in the row in front of me. where i was sitting i got a whole view of their screen. oh, they were watching that elton john movie. they didn’t have subtitles on, so i could only take from visual and context clues what was happening. it looked flashy, and oh-- that man just stared lovingly, tenderly into another man’s eyes. oh shit. oh yeah. elton is gay. 

now i’m hooked. if i’m anything, i’m a trans man in a desperate search for a complex queer romance movie. i wanted something that would pull on my heartstrings, that would wreck me emotionally with a high reward. suddenly elton is staring at himself in full garb, putting on and taking off his glasses. smiling then frowning. glasses on. smile. glasses off. scowl. oh he’s in distress. oh, is he snorting coke? okay, cool, tight.

from here on out, i watch the movie with (no audio) the predisposition that elton is in severe distress, dealing with drugs and self-sabotage all because his feelings and attraction towards men are confusing and frustrating and he doesn’t know how to cope with them. is he in denial? does he hate himself for it? does he try to make himself attracted to women? obviously, i was incorrect. elton was pretty secure in the fact that he was gay in his personal life. 

i think about rocketman for days until my flight back to sarasota. i decide to watch rocketman on the plane back instead of renting it. but for some reason, my goblin brain told me to rent it, and i did. but i ended up just watching it on the plane anyway.

i was disappointed. really, kinda bummed about it. every article and review said it was R for a reason. there was plenty sexual content and drugs to do elton’s real life comparison justice. in the movie i watched, i saw none of it. there was some drinking of alcohol, he took pills, it was implied he snorted coke. i saw no kissing, no intimacy, not even a tender hand on a cheek or embrace between elton and another man. this movie was praised for being so groundbreaking! for representing so much of what elton’s life was really like, with drugs and sex and all that. and now that i thought about it, i heard not one curse word. “bloody” was tossed around a lot, but that is used as an inflection. and during the pool scene before he throws himself in, when he meets john at the deck, he spits something about “his secretary shagging him in front of the pool boys.” that had me in utter confusion. there... was no one there with john? he was just sitting there? must’ve been something i missed.

SO IT TURNS OUT THE AIRPLANE’S VERSION OF THE MOVIE WAS HEAVILY CENSORED. i watched the real thing when i got home yesterday and was FLOORED by the differences in the same movie i had just watched. in the scene where elton remarks he’d like to change his name, they completely edited out the character behind him peeing into a glass bottle. they also cut out the scene where elton is staring at the performer, being yelled at to close the door, and the kiss where he’s pinned against the wall. holy fuck. i realized when i saw that, i had missed something MAJOR. this meant i was missing some MORE major explicit, probably important-to-the-plot-and-character-development stuff. oh, now i was excited. 

(we could talk all day about the fact that a single kiss between two men was cut because it was deemed “too explicit”, and in a movie about elton john being the ultimate irony)

the sex scene AND take me to the pilot were completely missing in the airplane version. i had no idea this song existed! oh my god, it was a banger! i cried tears of happiness during the song. holy shit. the tense energy between he and john, standing there silhouetted by the window, and then all of a sudden they’re all over each other, fingers tangled in hair, moaning into each other’s mouths, squirming, trying to get as close to each other as possible. this is what i wanted. this is what i was looking for. not because i was looking for something “hot” or “dirty.”’ i wanted an intense sex scene because then i knew it was real. i wanted the desperation, the nerves, the tender way they cradled each other, and how they went to town on each other. it was elton’s first time being intimate with a man, and it was such a nerve-wracking, intense, lustful, desperate moment. taron and richard absolutely nailed it. The swaying and the leaning into each other, the grabbing and nuzzling and all of a sudden they’re all over each other... it honest to god moved me. not to sound too “grew-up-baptist”, but sex, especially the first time you have it is so special and intimate and personal and important (imo). i know all the times i’ve had sex, it was a very, very special moment to me, and i wholly and completely trusted my partner then. i was so happy elton could find security and love and a heckin good time in bed with another man. it must’ve felt so freeing.

This was between two men! In the smack dab of the AIDS crisis in like 1975 or some shit! If being queer is this fucking tough in 2019, imagine what it was like in 1975!! MILLIONS of people were left to die by eat-shit Raegan who say by and said “aw that’s cute.” MILLIONS of people died for loving who they love!! That’s fucked man!! Seeing a triumphant moment like this in the middle of what was happening and what it could mean for Elton and his career just rly got me ya know

my entire perspective of the movie changed from then on. i was excited to see what else i had missed. in fact, some of the songs weren’t bad. maybe i’d like some of elton’s stuff after all?

i missed the scene in the closet. on the airplane, he followed john into the closet and shut the door. the scene cut. but in the real version, suddenly john pinned him against the wall, mirroring the scene of the first kiss i missed, and elton lamely stutters he wants dinner with him, not a sexual act john was certainly looking for, and in the next moment he was hungrily snapping at his finger. i missed exactly how much coke elton snorted. i missed entire scenes and nuances that provided so much to the story. man, i was angry i missed all this. i was cheated.

when i finished the real version, my perspective on the movie, and elton, and his music, had spun an entire 180. i dug it. i listened to rocket man on repeat during the entirety of my forty minute run. i fell asleep listening to the soundtrack. i woke up today listening to it, and have been through the whole day. i have not been able to get this movie off my mind. im watching it for the third time right now.

WELCOME TO THE THIRD POINT OF THIS POST!

if you made it this far, thank you. what i wrote feels so important to me. someone needed to hear it. I WANNA TALK ABOUT THE ENTIRE ROCKETMAN SCENE. I have PTSD with psychotic features. This means that under the right triggers, i hallucinate, visually or auditorily (is that a word), things that aren’t there. sometimes they’re scary, connected to my past trauma, but sometimes, they’re hazy outlines of good people who i think i know. i also deal with all the lovely things that come along with ptsd, including dissociation. pretty much any and everything can trigger me in a specific way. the pool scene was incredibly difficult to watch. seeing a little boy playing piano underwater, him sinking and hovering and singing along, and people slowly descending, dancing in the water until they retrieve him. the vision snaps apart and holy fuck elton is in trouble. (as an aside, that’s one of my favorite affects of film: the protag is under the influence of something, whether it be a hallucination, drugs, in a deep fantasy, or just otherwise a storytelling device, and he is in imminent danger. the audience is aware he is in imminent danger. the protag, however, is cool and chillin and hanging out, not aware or bothered, and maybe this is where a major character arc beat hits. in an instant, they’re pulled out of it, and we--the audience and the characters--are hit with how dire the circumstances really are.)

Suicide is a super sensitive subject to me. when he mumbled “i’m going to fucking kill myself” and plunged into the depths, my throat constricted. it was a difficult few minutes, but i held my breath, gritted my teeth, and paced myself through it. despite the sheer terror and panic that was racing through my brain, the entirety of it was so beautiful. the bright blues, whites, and blacks of the pool lighting and bubbles decorating him, the flow of his--forgive him, i don’t know if there’s a cultural name--outer garment, how curious and confused he looked as he watched his younger self do something he did now, and the people twirling through the water, reaching out, and eventually snatching him up until we’re suddenly in the present--dude, the cinematography of the entire first verse is so, so breathtaking. the scene in the ambulance and getting his stomach pumped was a bit too graphic for me (i could feel a flashback/hallucination creeping on; sometimes i can’t tell them apart.) but it was all done so smoothly. when they lifted him up, spun him around, undressed and dressed him all in one fluid motion, i lost my fuckin mind. i rewound it several times to just watch that sequence. the pain, reluctance, and exhaustion in his face right before he was handed his bat and exuberantly entered the stage was so intense it was palpable. my heart ached for him deeply. it’s allll about putting on a mask of being truly happy and well, when just before that, he had tried to fucking kill himself. how fucking heavy is that shit?

the downward spiral kept me on the edge of my seat. honky cat was funky as hell, and i loved the little tiny moments and gestures towards each other. maybe john and elton truly cared for each other for mere heartbeats before it all went south. he was hurting so bad and ruining everything and in such denial i wanted to throttle him by the shoulders to scream “LOOK WHAT YOU’RE DOING! YOU BIG FUCKING IDIOT!” he was constantly suffering, doing more coke and drugs than i thought a person could keep in his system. the suicide attempt, the fantastic Dodgers show, the night and day between his outward appearance and his actions, all of it was so gripping. the group therapy medium through which the story was told was insanely cool, too. i thought at first it was a bit cheesy, but it worked. i loved that he confronted everyone who had hurt him, and who he had hurt, and reconciled. i loved that as the major plot beats went on, his clothes eventually toned down in loudness, mirroring how the story was going along in real time. he went from having an explosive outburst, to levelly confronting his parents, and firmly insisting they not treat him like that anymore. they didn’t have the right. we could see how he’d grown through several different literary elements. the fact that it was laid out so plainly really helped me, someone who is dumb as fuck and constantly misses nuances like that.

it’s so disheartening to see elton’s first love was someone who was aggressive, non-interested, and who refused to listen to him.

(im at the pinball wizard scene, and holy shit this tune fucks)

at the end of the day, when i had thought the movie fell through so many expectations, i watched the real, authentic version and was so, so happy with how it turned out. it was much more honest than what i had thought it was. when the credits rolled, and it said he and his husband David Furnish had been happily married for 25 years, the tears really started coming. Elton did it. He survived through all the shit he put his body through, all the heartache and loneliness and terrible isolation and suffering, and he won. He got what he always wanted. A man who loved him deeply, purely, passionately, and properly. 

i haven’t shut up about elton john for days. i’m kinda baffled how something gripped me so intensely, when i had written it off as stupid just a day before this. thank you for reading. i’m sure i forgot a lot of things i wanted to express, but hopefully i got something across. let me know if you read this, please. if you made it all the way down here, i owe you like $5. drop me your venmo.

thank you for reading. this movie touched me in a way i didn’t think was possible. thank god for elton john. thank god for his perseverance. thank god for his story, giving me and millions of others hope that happiness will come. recovery is possible. healing is possible. you just need to reach out first. thank you and goodnight.

[aion-rsa]

Ghost of Tsushima Review: A Beautiful Homage to Akira Kurosawa

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Ghost of Tsushima is a daring departure for Sucker Punch, who since 2009 has worked solely on the Playstation-exclusive Infamous series. While those games were steeped in modernity, offering sprawling cityscapes players could explore from top to bottom via superpowered “conduits” Cole MacGrath and Delsin Rowe, Ghost of Tsushima’s open world is set in feudal Japan. It’s here that we meet young samurai Jin Sakai, who must defend his homeland, the titular island of Tsushima, from an invading Mongol army.

Right off the bat, the shift in time period and milieu to 13th century Japan is notable because Sucker Punch handles it so brilliantly, especially for the team’s first foray into the samurai genre. Japanese history and culture are woven into every single facet of the game so elegantly and organically that you’d think the team had been developing games set in feudal Japan for the past decade, not sci-fi superhero romps. More than anything, Ghost of Tsushima is a moving homage to Japan, its history, and its people.

The story opens with a massacre. A massive Mongol army, led by the cunning Khotun Khan, storms the beaches of Tsushima and is met by the island’s woefully outnumbered samurai contingent. When the leader of the samurai challenges Khotun to a one-on-one, fair fight, the Khan renounces the honorable gesture in gruesome fashion, literally setting the courageous samurai on fire in front of both armies. The rest of the samurai are obliterated on the beach, while Jin’s uncle, Lord Shimura, is taken prisoner by the Khan. Jin is also fatally wounded but is miraculously nursed back to health by a new ally, a thief named Yuna who needs his help in return.

These opening moments set the tone for the rest of the game. The philosophical conflict between honor and deception is the beating heart of the story and permeates the gameplay in riveting ways. As you fight to take back Tsushima from the Mongols, you can approach enemy encounters in two ways. You can choose to fight honorably, like a true samurai, and challenge enemies to a “standoff,” a quick-reflex mini-game of sorts in which you and one of the baddies face off one-on-one and see who flinches first before one of you slashes his blade through the other. You’ll then have to take on the rest of the enemies all at once, which is no easy task.

The other option is to fight like a “Ghost,” sneaking into enemy camps, killing the bad guys in their sleep, poisoning them, using intimidation tactics to scare them into fleeing battle. It’s an effective way of evening the odds between you and your foes, but it rails against everything the samurai stand for.

Countless games offer the player the option to approach combat either stealthily or head-on. This is far from a novel concept, and in this respect, the combat in Ghost of Tsushima offers little innovation. But what is innovative here is how Sucker Punch has taken the classic device of stealth vs. frontal assault and given it new life by expertly integrating it with the themes of the story.

Jin meets a handful of allies on his journey, each with their own multi-chapter story arcs that delve into their respective backstories. There’s sensei Ishikawa, a master archer whose protege has gone rogue and joined the Mongols. Lady Masako is a warrior and grandmother whose entire family was murdered by the Mongols, though she suspects they may have died after someone close to the family conspired with the enemy.

Each of the characters explores the honor vs. dishonor theme in unique and surprising ways. The dichotomy is most starkly represented in the clash of ideals between Lord Shimura, who is unshakably honorable and would rather die than gain an unfair advantage in battle, and Yuna, who understands that, to beat an enemy who fights dirty, you may have to put honor to the side for the sake of saving your people. Of course, Jin is caught in the middle and struggles to decide what kind of man he wants to be.

Aside from the ties to the story, the gameplay is fun and engaging. The swordplay combines parries and dodging with a more strategic approach to melee, as you try to find ways to build up your enemy’s stagger gauge. You can also use “ghost weapons” to give you an edge in battle, like kunai (throwing knives), smoke bombs, arrows, and more. There are also four stances to master, with each being effective against a different enemy type. Switching between stances is integral to combat and becomes second nature over time. There’s also an insanely cool fifth stance that I won’t spoil here, but it’s spectacularly badass.

Stealthing is strikingly similar to what you’d see in an Assassin’s Creed title (this is a compliment), and the game gives you myriad ways to kill enemies without raising alarms, like throwable wind chimes and firecrackers that allow you to manipulate their positioning or hallucinogenic darts that turn them against each other. Again, this is all stuff we’ve seen before, but it’s pulled off well here.

Release Date: July 17, 2020 Platform: PS4 Developer: Sucker Punch Productions Publisher: Sony Interactive Entertainment Genre: Action-adventure

Unfortunately, there are little gameplay flaws that needled at me, especially in the later hours of my playthrough (it took me around 45 hours to finish the game). The swordplay requires quick reflexes, and mastering parries and dodging is absolutely pivotal to your survival. The problem with the swordplay is subtle, and a little difficult to explain, but I’ll say it like this: in most games that are particularly challenging, when I die, I feel like it was my fault because I made a mistake, I just wasn’t fast enough, I hadn’t mastered certain skills. But on many occasions in Ghost of Tsushima, I felt like I died because the game didn’t give me a fair shot, like it was the game’s fault that I failed, not mine. It’s possible that I just wasn’t very good at the game, but it felt at times like I wasn’t given a choice in the matter. Your mileage will vary with the game’s difficulty level.

There are other things that bugged me, too, like the unreliable climbing mechanics (I swear, sometimes hopping onto a rope or branch that’s literally right in front of you is way, WAY too difficult). But overall, I had a great time playing the game and felt super powerful by the time I’d filled out my skill trees, which is no surprise considering the game was made by the same folks who made Infamous.

On a nuts and bolts gameplay level, Ghost of Tsushima doesn’t feel all that unique — there is some very familiar open-world stuff here. But on a presentation and storytelling level, the game is out-of-this-world amazing. Visually, the game looks stunning. The late-stage PlayStation 4 graphics really deliver, and coupled with the strength of the art design, Ghost of Tsushima is a true head-turner. The character models look fantastic and can emote on a level that supports the drama of the story. And while the different suits of armor that Jin acquires offer unique gameplay perks, I honestly just collected and upgraded them almost exclusively as an aesthetic indulgence. They look so freaking cool.

But the real stars of the show are the environments, which look picturesque from every conceivable angle. The wind-swept, verdant hills of Tsushima are intoxicatingly pretty, to the point where I’d get caught up ogling for minutes on end at the smallest of details, like the way the moonlight bounces off blades of grass or the way Jin kicks up crimson-red leaves that have blanketed the ground over time. I could go on forever about the dynamic day/night cycle, the beautiful rendering of different fabrics and materials, the horse animations. But instead, I’ll just say that this is the most breathtaking game, visually, that I’ve seen in recent memory.

A lot of love also went into infusing the game with Japanese cultural references, particularly in how the developers pay homage to the samurai genre. Each mission, for example, is bookended by cinematic intertitles that evoke old samurai cinema, Japanese characters, and all. But without a doubt, the most obvious/most amazing homage is “Kurosawa Mode,” which presents the game in black and white, with one of the best film grain filters I’ve ever seen in a game, resulting in an experience that looks almost exactly like a film from the iconic Japanese auteur’s oeuvre, right next to Sanjuro and Seven Samurai. If you’re a long-time fan of Kurosawa, turning the mode on may even elicit an “I’m not crying…you’re crying!” response — it’s that pretty.

I initially intended on playing the entire game in Kurosawa mode but quickly realized that it would be problematic to do so for a few reasons. Some missions require you to “follow the (insert color) flowers,” which is obviously impossible in black and white. And in combat, blockable enemy heavy attacks are signaled by a blue glint, while unblockable ones have a red glint. Combat is tough enough as it is, so…yeah. I only turned the mode on when I was riding on my horse through the countryside and I felt like treating myself to some eye candy.

Taking time to smell the cherry blossoms and have a respite from the game’s many missions and side missions is crucial because Ghost of Tsushima is a long, long game. The missions aren’t overly repetitive — most of them feel really special actually, like when you climb a mountain in freezing cold weather and must race from campfire to campfire on your ascent, or one armor quest comprised of several one-on-one duels with straw hat swordsmen scattered about the map, each with a distinct personality. But 40-plus hours is 40-plus hours, and while the main tasks of infiltrating enemy camps, liberating farms, and searching for special gear can lead to questing fatigue at the tail end of the game, the nice thing is is that you can always slow things down and just enjoy the scenery to break things up. There’s even a nifty photo mode to play with, and if any game warrants a photo mode, it’s this one.

Jin’s story isn’t just a means to an end, or a lazy excuse to drag the player from gameplay scenario to gameplay scenario. The story is incredibly well written and profound in its messaging and imagery, so much so that I believe it’s one of the best modern entries in the samurai genre, regardless of medium. All of the characters you meet and the little tales that unfold across Tsushima are filtered through Jin’s inner struggle with what honor really means and whether or not it’s worth dying for, which gives the story an incredibly strong narrative backbone. Despite the game’s epic scope, Jin’s journey actually feels quite intimate and personal. The same could be said of Kurosawa’s best work, and that’s just about the highest compliment I can give.

The post Ghost of Tsushima Review: A Beautiful Homage to Akira Kurosawa appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[artificialqueens]

Places Adore and Bianca Were Nearly Caught Having Sex (3/?) (Biadore) - Miss Alyssa Secret

Anon request from AQ - Roy goes into a lingerie store to buy thongs for Danny. Bonus he grabs a whip while at the counter for good measure.

All of the above with a Miss Alyssa twist ;)

A/N: Recognize the title? Anon, I finished writing this before seeing your airport request. Next time! -MAS

******** Victor’s Secret

The mall should be used as a torture device, Roy decided. The gaggles of teenagers (all genders, sexualities, and sizes) on their phones and generally causing mayhem were bad enough. Add to it people with what felt like dozens of misbehaving kids, and even his patience gave out.

It was incredibly tempting to go shop as Bianca if only to be able to yell, “Get the fuck outta the way!”. On second and third thought, getting into drag on a day off wasn’t terribly appealing, and if he did that there was no way he’d be able to get any actual shopping done at all.

Also? He wasn’t particularly interested in the legions of Drag Race fans knowing which socks he bought.

He kept a polite smile plastered on his face as he was jostled by the crowd, intent on getting out of there as fast as possible. There was gridlock on one of the pedestrian bridges, and he rolled his eyes. Roy was just about to attempt a detour when a very pink advertisement caught his eye.

Pivoting, he made his way into the store. His senses were immediately assaulted by the cloying smell of multiple perfumes in a small space and the music turned up to painful levels. He forged onwards, past the racks of overpriced negligees and robes. The corsets received a snort of professional disdain - the showy D-rings and ribbons would never hold up to actual wear, and most women he knew weren’t proportioned like anime characters.

At last, he reached a quieter area, ignoring the side eye he was getting from the teenage girls. Danny had an amazing ass, one he happily showcased with his collection of underwear. Roy considered and discarded the notion that he would consider receiving women’s lingerie an insult. His sometimes lover was secure enough in his self and sexuality that he’d probably be intrigued if presented with a bundle of lace and bows.

With that in mind, he surveyed the table whose sign proclaimed “6 for $32!”. He bought Bianca’s black panties online to avoid the hassle, and idly wondered if he ought to pick her up a couple of pairs.

The lacy boy shorts had some promise, as did the cheeky panties. Roy waited until a young couple moved out of the way (with the level of disinterest from the guy, he hoped she moved on to better prospects), and crouched to dig through the drawers of thongs. There were animal prints that Danny would likely love, and silky ones with tiny gold hearts. He held up a pair, trying to determine if it was the right size. Unfortunately, even the XLs probably didn’t have enough fabric left to contain a dick and balls, and he sighed in disappointment.

”Is there anything I can help you with, sir?”

Roy turned to find a black-clad twenty-something smiling cheerfully down at him.

“Oh, those are really cute!” She nodded at the panties he already held.

“Uhhh, thanks,” he muttered, thanking small mercies that she wasn’t a Drag Race fan.

”I’m sure she’ll love them,” she continued. “Any occasion you’re shopping for?”

If only she knew.

”Well, ummm, I just wanted to see if…”

Roy cringed internally, hoping he didn’t sound like a creepy straight guy.

”That’s totally fine. We have guys in here all the time shopping for their girlfriends.” She handed him a basket with a wink.

Telling her, “I’m trying to see if the thong would fit my drag queen unlabeled-but-important-relationship-person/lover,” probably wasn’t going to get her to go away any faster than lying.

“Errr, thank you. I think I’m just going to look at a few more…”

”Of course. My name’s Tina if you need any help.”

He breathed out a hefty sigh of relief, waited until she was busy with another customer, and put all of the panties he was holding back before making his escape.

********

As predicted, Danny was vastly amused when he described his adventure into Victoria’s Secret. He’d accompanied a few female friends in the past, but going solo was something else.

”You know,” Danny grinned and wiped a stray bit of cum off Roy’s lower lip, “I wouldn’t say no to going underwear shopping together.”

His attempt to answer was lost as Danny tugged him to his feet, pushed him onto the bed, and climbed on top. Roy forgot exactly what he’d been trying to say when a clever hand closed around his cock and started jerking him off with perfectly timed strokes.

There was something to be said about fucking your best friend, he mused as they laid together while the sweat cooled.

********

Roy thought he could be forgiven for not remembering their conversation a couple of weeks later. When he mentioned going to the toy store for more lube and condoms, Danny’s eyes lit up.

“Oh! Hey, what about going to one that sells underwear?”

”Underwear?”

”Yeah, you could help me pick some out.”

He concentrated on not spitting wine onto the couch, taking in Danny’s enthusiastic expression and his own arousal at the thought.

”Fine, but if I’m paying I get to decide if they’re worth it.”

The wineglass was removed from his hand, and he suddenly had a lapful of Danny.

”Cool. Can I suck your dick before we go?”

********

He had long since stopped being embarrassed or self-conscious about shopping for intimate items, but Danny brought an entirely new dimension to it. Whereas alone or with other friends it was a humorous and fun process, the filthy things Danny was whispering in his ear were making it increasingly difficult to conceal his growing erection.

They were standing in front of the wall of lube, and had been for the last several minutes while Danny described in graphic detail what they could do with each.

”…and then I’ll make you lick my ass, and-“

Roy squeezed his thighs together in a vain attempt to quell the throbbing in his balls.

”Angel,” he muttered through gritted teeth, “pick one and let’s go before I drag you into the fitting room and fuck you.”

In hindsight, he should have realized that it was the exact opposite of a threat, but he blamed it on most of the blood in his brain rapidly heading south.

“Okay!” Danny chirped happily, dropping three different bottles into the basket and pulling Roy by the hand towards the lingerie.

By the time they’d agreed on a half dozen thongs and jockstraps (“Do you ever think we’re a little too stereotypically gay?” “Fuck all the way off.”), Roy had managed to get his raging hard on mostly under control. He wasn’t paying enough attention, however, to realize that Danny wasn’t heading towards the register until a bored staff member reminded them that all lingerie must be tried on over existing undergarments.

He opened his mouth to protest, but Danny was already pulling him into one of the fitting rooms and sliding the curtain shut, pushing Roy down onto the single chair inside.

”Why are you trying them on? We could just head home and-“

Roy’s mouth fell open as Danny dropped his pants to reveal the skimpiest thong he’d ever seen before.

“You said you wanted to make sure you liked them before you paid,” he grinned wickedly, tongue peeking out from between his teeth.

Danny stepped into one of the jockstraps, pulling the bright purple elastic into place over his hips. He made a show of adjusting his package cupped by the fabric in front, then turned around and shook his ass.

He gave Roy an expectant look, eyes narrowing at the crossed arms and weak glare.

”Gonna tell me what you think?”

”Angel, if you don’t hurry up I’m going to get us kicked out of here for public indecency.”

He crossed his legs as well, refusing to give Danny the satisfaction of watching him nudge the renewed erection into a more comfortable position in his pants.

Instead of arguing, Danny surprised him by poking his head out past the curtain.

”Excuse me?” He was using his Adore voice, slightly breathy and flirty. Roy shifted the basket onto his lap as the tattooed clerk approached, shaking her neon dyed hair and generally giving the air of can’t be bothered.

”Yeah?” She sounded even less interested than she looked, which was impressive.

”I need an opinion and my friend is being dumb,” Danny shot a glance at Roy who gave them a tight smile. “Does this make my ass look good?”

The young woman took one look at Roy, taking in the way he was sitting and his expression of long-suffering frustration, and abruptly broke into a fit of giggles.

”Oh I bet he’s dumb right now. Yeah,” she snapped her gum and gave Danny’s ass a quick once-over, “I’d say you should buy those.”

”Thank you.” Danny was laying it on even thicker, and she shook her head before walking away still laughing.

”Hmmm…”

Danny prowled across the small space, pushing the basket aside to straddle his lap and rubbing the substantial bulge against Roy’s chest. The tip of his cock stretched the fabric upwards, nudging his chin, and Roy closed his eyes for a moment. He could smell Danny’s arousal, and it was rapidly degrading his sense of control.

Giving in, he met Danny’s challenging state before slipping one hand inside both layers of fabric and tugging out his half-hard cock. Still watching, he leaned forward and closed his lips around the head, giving it a few good sucks before letting it pop free.

”Fuck…”

Roy licked up the underside with teasing flicks of his tongue before dipping into the slit.

”…yeah…”

”You two still doing okay in there?”

They both froze as the clerk’s voice came from the other side of the curtain.

“Uhh, yeah, thanks!” Roy hoped he didn’t sound too panicked.

”Shit,” Danny muttered as her footsteps receded.

”Come on.” Roy pushed him back gently and stood, grabbing the basket. “Get dressed and lets get out of here.”

”Don’t you want to see the rest of them?”

He tossed the jockstrap in with the rest, and Roy stopped to stare at the thong stretched tight over Danny’s erection.

”I’m buying them all.”

At the register, the clerk gave them both a knowing and far too amused look before ringing them up. Danny squirmed against Roy’s side as he eyed the display of riding crops.

“No.”

”B…”

Accepting his card back, Roy shoved the bag into Danny’s hands and smiled at the clerk. She bid them a cheerful day, and turned to help someone else.

”If you behave,” Roy hissed into Danny’s ear, “I already have one at home.”

Danny practically dragged them out of the store.

”Party!”

[purplesurveys]

476

If someone's laughing, do you instantly think they're laughing at you? Egh no, not really. I’ve had people laugh at me but I do know about it; I’ve never felt paranoid like this. What is the strangest thing you've been asked? My mom’s masseuse asked me if I was pregnant after taking a good look at me and deciding I looked familiar. It felt weird and eerie until I told my parents about it the next day and they said “Oh yeah, she’s the one with the third eye.” Didn’t feel as strange after that, but at the time when she looked me dead in the eye and asked me that question it was definitely so weird lmao. What’s the weirdest thing about life that people just accept as normal? Sometimes I wonder how people from the far past got to decide how certain animals were safe to eat even though they a) clearly scream danger, b) have such a complex way of being consumed (like crabs), or c) ARE STRAIGHT UP POISONOUS (like the pufferfish in Japan). But hey, we’re all eating them right now.

What was your favorite game as a child? I liked local games. We had langit-lupa (heaven and earth), piko (hopscotch), ice-ice water (freeze tag), Chinese garter, 10-20, and patintero. What’s the stupidest thing you've ever heard? Anything that comes out of conservative Catholics’ mouths.

What's the most random thing you've done out of boredom? It would have to be that time that I got really depressed last December and I spent all my Christmas savings meant for friends and family on a bunch of coloring books and my own set of coloring pencils. All for myself. It’s a little morbid, but whaever.  What show did your parents not let you watch as a kid? My parents were pretty liberal and weren’t too strict about shows. My mom absolutely hated Mr. Bean though because she was convinced he was the reason my brother didn’t start talking until he was like 6. She would change the channel if it was on, but she didn’t outright ban us or anything. What is your personal catchphrase? I don’t have one. What is the most pleasurable feeling that doesn't involve anything sexual? Biting into your favorite food after a whole day of not eating. What was your 'Oops, wrong person' moment? I don’t think I have one. I’d die of embarrassment. What do you find attractive that isn't considered 'normal' attraction? I really can’t bring myself to be into the muscular/buff look and don’t mind if someone is on the bigger side, is skinny, or is generelly not a gym person. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done drunk? Fell asleep in the pool. What's your proudest moment in the bathroom? ?????? What’s something you own that gets you lots of compliments? Technically not mine, but Gabie would lend me a windbreaker-type of jacket that was very colorful. It was green, yellow, pink, basically a very bright and gay jacket. I got complimented on it EVERY SINGLE TIME I wore it by nearly every single person who passed by me in school – and I wish I was kidding lmao. She got it in Baguio for 50 pesos ($1), it’s insane. I think it was lost by another person she lent it to. A damn shame. If money was no object, where would you want to live? Canada. Who is your favourite mythological character? In the brief moment I was into mythology, I really liked the way Rick Riordan wrote Apollo to be in his Percy Jackson series. Big ol’goofball. What's something that's happened which couldn't happen at a worse time? [continued from this afternoon] > Had the sign for my gas start blinking while I was stuck in standstill traffic > Get into a car accident while finally making a turn to the gas station > Get pulled over by an officer for changing a lane and nearly hitting a car, because unbeknownst to me, the accident had closed my right side mirror, making me not see my entire right side and I almost hit the car to my right All happened within ten minutes. I was a freshman in high school and couldn’t be more terrified. Police let me go when I started having a panic attack. What is the best pickup line you've ever heard? I don’t like pickup lines. What did aging ruin for you? Dreams. What is the most hilarious thing you’ve ever heard? Idk, I’ve found a lot of things hilarious. What is the darkest thing you have seen on the internet? It would be either Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared or Too Many Cooks. What's something you really enjoy, but can't have? A regularly luxurious life. What Wikipedia article have you recently read? OMG hahaha so there were times in internship where nothing was tasked to me FOR HOURS and I would get super bored. Then I remember hearing from somewhere that Wikipedia has a whole article that’s just a list of unusual deaths that’s happened from modern history until the present, and I gobbled that shit up until I was given a responsibility. I found out more listicles they apparently had – list of last words, list of people who disappeared mysteriously, etc; read all of those too. What's a book you were made to read in school that you really liked? My #1 would have to be Without Seeing the Dawn by Steven Javellana. It’s the most honest narration of the Philippines’ Japanese occupation I’ve ever read. It’s painful to read, but it’s the beauty of it. What objective did you fail to complete this week? I told myself I was gonna start externals work for my org, but I’ve just been so burned out in the last month that I haven’t gotten around to starting yet. I definitely have to this week, though so it’s not like I’ll completely fail it. What could have gotten worse for you but it didn't? Tbh the desire to end my life? I threw in the towel by the time I was 12, but I’m still here so I guess life is doing something right.

What subject should be taught at schools, but isn't? Adulting. Like being taught about taxes, social security, insurance, documents they ask when you apply for a job, etc. I’m 21 and I know nothing about these. I didn’t even know what insurance meant until I was 20. What is the best thing about having a Significant Other? The idea of having a go-to person for everything is very comforting for me. What makes you unusually uncomfortable? Distorted sound effects. It’s probably not unusual though. What is an upcoming purchase you're excited about? It’s no longer future tense because I was finally able to find Pop-Tarts at the nearby mall! I couldn’t find it ANYWHERE in the last couple of years and I’ve been craving it for the same period of time. Then Gab convinced me to try the supermarket at the mall we went to today and we found a box of Chocolate Fudge gloriously sitting on one of the shelves. It was way more expensive than I remember it being, but I waited for so long that I just grabbed it and didn’t care about my budget anymore. What is the worst game you've ever played? The Hannah Montana game for the Wii that I had was so bad it was good. What’s the oddest thing you like to do? I don’t think I have particularly odd habits. What's the funniest news story you've seen in the past few weeks? There’s a satirical article I came across a week ago that was about how dinosaurs got extinct because they ate pineapples on pizza. It was made even more hilarious by the fact that it included a graphic of dinosaurs and there were slices of pizza with pineapples on them photoshopped into the graphic. Definitely pissed off a number of pineapple enthusiasts that day lmaaaaao. What do you really really want right now? I’m so excited to eat my Pop-Tarts but I think I should save them for tomorrow. What do you hide from people? Suicidal thoughts, because I never wanna bother anyone. What was the first sign you knew you had a crush on someone? When I actively avoided her because it hurt to see her. HAHAHAH yuck drama What's the best lemonade you've made from the lemons life gave you? Lasting long enough to create a family in the form of my orgmates. Who was your cartoon crush while growing up? Sam from Totally Spies. What's the best way to deal with religious door knockers? We don’t have that culture here but I most likely would just never open the door. What’s the most hypocritical thing you’ve ever seen or heard? A large chunk of Catholics. Who’s the most interesting person you’ve ever met? When I was still interning at my PR firm, I shadowed my supervisor in an interview that one of our clients had for that day. Our client’s representative is the biggest badass I’ve met. He’s from South Africa and was born and raised at a time when apartheid was still around. He’s white, so he was brainwashed in school to think that they were superior and for a time, he really thought his race was. Then he got to work under Nelson Mandela’s party when he was much older and that was the only time he realized how backwards that mindset was. Anyway he had Mandela’s spies stalk his ass every single day because of his background and he ultimately got shot twice. There’s loads more stories to tell but I don’t want to give him away. 

When I was watching him get interviewed he proved to have a lot of knowledge on history and current events too so that’s another plus. He was just super cool and it was a breath of fresh air to talk to a foreigner that was more aware of social situations than the average Filipino. What just doesn't impress you? Carly Rae Jepsen. What’s the worst possible way to introduce yourself? There’s no worst way; just don’t try too hard because the bullshit can be detected so easily. What makes you wish that you were born in the past or the future? How easy it was to make a living and score a job decades ago. What tragic event was coincidentally beneficial to you? My breakup. What's something people are proud of, but it doesn't impress you? ‘Miracles.’ What's the worst possible moment to go and play on a bouncy castle? Doing it with a bunch of sweaty, rowdy kids. Who is the greatest ever comedian? Not really into comedians so my recommendations might suck for some. What’s your irrational fear? Commercials at night. What's your oldest memory? Playing in a Winnie the Pooh tent when I was 3. What can you not wake up without? Checking the time. What did you think was cool when you were younger that you now think isn’t? Wristbands. What are your favourite or most memorable lines from any movie/show? “How do you like them apples?” from Good Will Hunting. What's something people love to hate? The Kardashians. What’s something that is underrated but extremely useful? Being polite.

[xiiishadesofgrey]

Kingdom Hearts III: A Long Time Coming

As we’re about a month after the release of KH3, I wanted to get out my thoughts on the game (there are spoilers below). I might be talking into the void, but hey, that’s what fandom’s all about. Anyway, let’s rock.

First things first: I loved the game. I’m biased, because I’ve been in love with this series ever since I saw the first trailer on tv all those years ago. I have some criticisms, but please never take those to mean that I don’t love this game because I do.

Story

My main issue with the plot of KH3 is that I think pacing was a weak point in this one. Now, I’m used to playing through mostly irrelevant Disney worlds the whole time and then getting a plot dump at the end. I know how this series works; that’s not my issue. The problem is that there are a lot of characters who would pop in to do something pivotal, and then make an equally swift exit without any real closure. Demyx and Vexen come to mind, but even the non-benched OrgXIII members didn’t do much besides serve in the boss rush and make their goodbyes (while the other fighters politely waited before continuing to rough you up).  We knew there was going to be a huge cast of characters, but for the ones that served to move the plot forward, in a lot of cases I was left feeling like I didn’t have an answer for why the roles had to be filled by them in particular. (Connections to KHUX were blurry at best, though that’s more of an issue with series planning than with this game on its own. I’m okay with using Luxu as a cliffhanger, though, since that’s more of an intentional setup.) Motivations weren’t explored and many of the characters ended up just where they were before: lost, floating in the void.

I was also a little put out with the game’s treatment of the main heroes.  Riku and Mickey spend 5/6 of the game throwing themselves against a wall, staunchly refusing Sora’s help.  Meanwhile Sora (aka the player) is supposed to just wander around until the Power of Waking comes to him all deus ex machina style? That’s not a plan, and it makes for a meandering plot. And when you finally do get to the Realm of Darkness, lo and behold, the power was in him all along, meaning that we’ve all wasted a lot of time in what we’re supposed to believe is a pretty urgent situation. If I’m considering this within the framework of the KH universe, it means we should probably never take direction from Yen Sid again.  If I look at if from a real world perspective, it’s a rather poor excuse for the player to visit the obligatory worlds while the main plot gets compressed to a cutscene movie at the end of the game.  Either way, it leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

And finally, I was truly disappointed with KH3′s treatment of Kairi. I try to be understanding. I get it, she’s not the main character. But here’s the thing: the writers set Kairi up to be in a position of agency, if not power. She has a keyblade, she has the benefit of legitimate training in no less than a genuine hyperbolic time chamber (more than Sora has ever had the benefit of, mind you), and she has a history of being eager to pull her weight as a Guardian of Light.  Plus, she’s a Princess of Heart.  You’d think this would lead to her being able to contribute to the fight in more ways than just believing in Sora enough to keep him from keeling over when he loses his cool (another thing I took a bit of issue with, but I won’t digress here).  But no, Kairi is demoted very solidly to damsel in distress when the plot finally sees fit to release her and Lea from their bubble. To be blunt, I call bullshit. I think she deserved better as a character, and I think if they weren’t going to do anything with her having a keyblade, they shouldn’t have wasted all that time making it happen. In the last fight, she and Lea were more liabilities than anything. I think they both deserved better than that.

End(?)

Obviously, the end of the game contains a culmination of the complaints I’ve mentioned.  I’m overjoyed that my favorite characters get their lives back, but a lot of that takes place without direct player contribution (for example, Roxas showing up by himself, having melded with a replica body offscreen, or Namine being a footnote in the closing scenes). I acknowledge that the player character doesn’t need to (and shouldn’t) be the sole instigator of action in a game, but for some of these instances, having these points basically narrated to me felt like things were coming together because they had to for the plot to resolve, and not because our own actions had led to an optimal outcome. I didn’t feel like we had earned all of the pieces falling into place the way they did.

I mentioned unclear motivations before. All I will say about Xehanort is that I don’t quite see the connection between the story they’ve been selling us for him literally this entire time and the story he painted for his motivations at the very end. I don’t feel one way or the other about them trying to redeem him, but I don’t feel that that was a well-established path to try to take with the character they’d built. It’s important to give evidence throughout if that’s the final claim you’re going to stand on, and nothing in any previous game has ever hinted at the “noble reset” MO.

And then, there’s Sora. My precious sunshine child. They damseled Kairi so hard that Sora died got lost in an alternate universe. I had two problems with this: 1) it just made me sad, and 2) it was like...completely unaddressed. I get it, you’re leading into the next saga, and that’s admittedly an excellent hook. But like, I feel like a plot point as pivotal as the main character functionally disappearing warrants some sort of ... visible reaction from his friends and comrades??? To have that emotional fallout completely unaddressed makes me feel like the story wasn’t complete. And not to make a somewhat unrelated gripe, but I feel like if they had space to make us watch the entire Let It Go song, they had space to let the audience know that Sora’s disappearance actually had some effect on the people he’d saved.

Experience

So, given all that grumbling, what did I feel about the overall experience of the game? I actually thought it was very positive. The gameplay - both exploration and combat - was very smooth and exciting. The worlds we visited were well-executed and fun (though San Fransokyo felt deceptively small, somehow). The graphics were awesome. (I’d been concerned that the new engine would lose some of the Kingdom Hearts feel, but I think they really nailed it.) Yoko Shimomura triumphed as always with a stellar soundtrack. (I found myself humming along to the Arendelle and Corona themes for hours.) The plot, obviously, was great despite my issues with the execution in this particular chapter. I think that most of the problems that I mentioned earlier with pacing and details stem from there being what I consider to be too many plotlines to handle in one ~40 hour game. I wouldn’t want another side game of course, but I think that the telling of the story might have benefited from the Dark Seeker saga continuing into a KH4. The plot is sprawling, as we all know, and it just needed a little more space to resolve everything cleanly.

(Side note: I missed my FF friends, but I understand why they weren’t present. Like I said, there was too much going on as it is.)

Aside from that, I personally got to spend a lot more time with my brother than I have ... probably since KH2 came out, to be honest. We promised to only play together, and we took turns with the controller just like we had to do in the good ol’ days when we were kids. And we’ve always played the main games together, so this was a really nice throwback. Closing this chapter of the story was impactful for us as individuals, but sharing the experience was just as great. After several years of being pretty closed off, I feel like this reminded me how to be a kinder sister. So, I thank the KH franchise from the bottom of my heart for that.

All things said, I really enjoyed the hell out of playing this game. At the end of the day, I think that’s all you can ask of a game, really. This one did much more than that, though. It largely followed through on my hopes for the characters, and definitely fulfilled my technical expectations. Most importantly, it felt like it came through on my immense emotional investment in the series. I cried (a lot), like I knew I would. Heck, I might even play it again sometime. lol  ...Maybe not right away, since I still have to heal emotionally. But yeah. Thank you for the ride, KH. I won’t make this sound like a goodbye because you still owe me some closure. But thanks.

Here’s to the next half a lifetime. :)

[inknerd]

November Wrap-Up 2018

I’m a little late in posting this, but let’s go!

I have, for the first time, embraced non-fiction november; so the amount of non-fiction I’ve read this month - while perhaps not that many compared to others - is way more than usual.

VERY GOOD LIVES by J.K. ROWLING ★★☆☆☆ | 74 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2015

So, the only reason I read this was because it was in the pile of books I won a couple of months ago, also because it was non-fiction and very short. + So this was a speech Rowling apparently held some time ago at a graduation, and like, it wasn’t bad? - I’m not super invested in J.K. Rowling in general? But I still thought the speech would be more spectacular than it was.

NORSE MYTHOLOGY by NEIL GAIMAN ★★★★☆ | 235 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2017

Man, Norse mythology AND Neil Gaiman? It’s strange I haven’t read this before now. + First of all, I dig the cover. 10/10. This book is also hilarious, while still keeping it serious enough that it feels real. - I can’t say I can come up with anything super important to complain about; but there were certain things I’d hoped would appear in the book that didn’t, and I sort of wished for illustrations?

ZEUS GRANTS STUPID WISHES: A NO-BULLSHIT GUIDE TO WORLD MYTHOLOGY by CORY O’BRIEN and SARAH MELVILLE ★★★☆☆ | 304 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2013

I saw people talking about this on tumblr and desperatly wanted to check it out. Guess how happy I was when my local library had it???? Very happy. + God, it’s so funny! I especially enjoyed the part dedicated to Norse mythology. The illustrations were quite funny, too. - While it was super interesting to read about creation myths and stories from mythologies I haven’t really read about much, not knowing them beforehand made it a little bit harder understanding what was going on under all the jokes.

BAD FEMINIST by ROXANE GAY ★★★☆☆ | 320 pages | 5 days to read | Published 2014

This is a book I didn’t get myself, but I was still really excited to read it! (Mainly because it had sprayed pages that looked like marble) + It was an interesting collection of essays about a subject that’s always interesting to read about. Overall I think they all were good. - To me, there wasn’t really anything I hadn’t about (several times) already, and I sort of hoped it be a more fun/witty read.

MEN EXPLAIN THINGS TO ME by REBECCA SOLNIT ★★★★☆ | 130 pages | 2 days to read | Published 2014

+ Really interesting and meaningful read that at least made me feel like I was realising and understanding things I’ve already read about,because it was written in suck a good way. - I skimmed some essays in this collection - some where definitely more enjoying to read than others.

ILLUMINAE by AMIE KAUFMAN & JAY KRISTOFF ★★★★★ | 602 pages | 2 weeks to read | Published 2015

MAN, I’d heard so much about this book and how many people loved it but I had NOT expected to love it as much as I did! One of the best books I read this year, definitely. + The epistolary style doesn’t often do it for me, but I wasn’t bothered by it this time at all! I really liked the artistic choices they made to present the different types of text and especially the way they made the pages from the AI’s perspective. This book was also funny and imaginative while also being subtly terrifying the whole time. It’s a war-love-mystery story in space and also zombies and it works. - Nothing big I can think of. Looking forward to the sequel.

SAMLADE DIKTER by EDITH SÖDERGRAN ★★★★☆ | 187 pages | 2 weeks to read | Published 2014 (1949)

I’ve been thinking I need to read more poetry in Swedish and I already knew I would probably like Södergran’s poems, so yeah. + They are written so beautifully and some of them really stand out to me. I’ve read poems like Vierge moderne and Violetta skymmningar... before, but it was nice reading even more. - There were parts - or years - of the book that I wasn’t at all interested in, while some really stood out to me.

BYGONE BADASS BROADS by MACKENZI LEE ★★★★★ | 176 pages | 9 days to read | Published 2018

+ I actually loved this way more than I thought I would? The real reason why I gave it five stars rather than four is that the illustrations and the colours were just SO beautiful??? Like, everything just looked great it made the reading experience even better. - I can’t really think of anything obvious to complain about. The writing in this book is supposed to be witty and stuff, so if you’re looking for a more “objective” book about women in history this is not for you, but it was still fun to read.

NÄR HUNDARNA KOMMER by JESSICA SHIEFAUER ★★☆☆☆ | 301 pages | 3 days to read | Published 2015

So this is a book I read with the class where I have my teacher’s practice. Normally, I probably wouldn’t have picked this book up ‘cause it’s not really my style, but now I had to read it and it wasn’t BAD...more like OK. + Shiefauer is a good writer in general - she has good language and writes different perspectives good. The most interesting thing about this book is that it’s sort of based on a real-life crime that happened in Sweden some time ago. - idk, I didn’t really care much for the characters and the main romance had me very frustrated (but I think that was the point?), and while it might be a good book to read in class with sixteen-year-olds it’s not something I would read by myself.

MY LADY JANE by CYNTHIA HAND, BRODI ASHTON & JODI MEADOWS ★★★★☆ | 491 pages | 4 days to read | Published 2016

Ahh, I finally got to read this! I’d looked forward to reading this so much and after asking my kind library bought it in! + It’s just here for a good time, you know? I mean, it’s a story about a queen that sat on the throne for a couple of days, a king that’s deathly ill, and a guy that turns into a horse every day - and it like...works? I’m amazed. The story was fun and easy to follow. - I felt like some things were just unnecessary? Like, I understood why they had to do some things but meh. It’s also hard to take this book seriously, but that’s not really overly negative. Am looking forward to read My Plain Jane.

MEN WHO HATE WOMEN AND THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM by SUSAN FORWARD ★★★★☆ | 301 pages | 1 day to read | Published 1986

I have no idea why I started to read this. I saw someone recommending it in a tumblr post together with a link to the ebook and went like “oh” and read during the entire day. + It’s very easy to read while still keeping it professional. It was easy to see Forward’s reasoning and the stories she had about women stuck in certain types of marriages were so...sad to read? I also liked most of the conclusions she had. Overall a very interesting book to read. - I didn’t notice at first but by the ending I realised some things were sort of dated (this was released in 86, so not that strange) and then there were other stuff I sort of stopped at but then thought maybe it’s a cultural difference? Not really big things.

RESTORE ME by TAHEREH MAFI ★★★☆☆ | 400 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2018

MAN, I wanted to like this book. I couldn’t believe when I heard the Shatter Me-trilogy would get another set of books. I was so happy! But...meh. + I feel like I don’t anything specific to put here but like the book is still FINE. Juliette’s powers are still cool, more ‘interesting’ characters gets introduced and the language is still Tahereh Mafi, you know? - BUT I honestly think I got so frustrated by the characters because I had let this series go. I read the third book, was satisfied by the ending and now I sort of have to wake up the feelings for the characters that I used to have. But they are not there and I just...found myself incredibly frustrated by all the characters. ALL OF THEM. Also some plot-point just feel so...B. Just give me a book with Juliette destroying stuff that’s what I want.

MOXIE by JENNIFER MATHIEU ★★★★☆ | 340 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2017

Wasn’t planning to read this. I saw it at the library one day and just picked it up and started reading. + Very entertaining and frustrating at the same time. I think the idea of Moxie was pretty cool and they came up with inventive ways to fight back; like drawing stars and hearts on their hands to show support, or take on bathrobes to protest against the school’s sexist dress codes. A cool book. - I didn’t care much for the romance - Like I understand why it was in there and it gave a really interesting perspective of certain things, but it would have been just as good if they’d just been friends, you know?

GIRLS OF PAPER AND FIRE by NATASHA NGAN ★★★☆☆ | 336 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2018

I got this beautiful book in a fairyloot box and was so excited to read it! Sadly, some things just wasn’t as good as I’d hoped. + Listen, the worldbuilding in this? Cool. Awesome. I’m really fascinated by the country’s history, religion and myths, and the different castes and different demons that exists in this world. It also has a f/f main pairing, and honestly? I’m here for that. - I’m not kidding when I say that while I was reading I thought “I’m probably going to give this like four stars” and probably would have if I didn’t hate the ending as much as I did. It felt rushed, unrealistic and also just crushed some of the things I’d thought would happen because I was so certain they were hinting at certain stuff during the entirety of the book. But no, didn’t happen. Okay.

BEAUTIFUL DARKNESS by FABIEN VEHLMANN & KERASCOËT ★★★★☆ | 94 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2009

A graphic novel I read while waiting in the library. It was surprisingly good! + So weird, but also so entertaining, horrifying, and fun to read? I love the artstyle - which manages to be cute but still manages to look really creepy when it’s supposed to. - Sometimes I struggled with what this graphic novel actually tried to say. And why did they kill the badass warrior-lesbian with a scissor-sword OFF-SCREEN!?

[airshipcity]

for HC post: Harry potter, aph norway, legolas?, (from haikyuu) hinata, nishinoya,suga, bokuto, oikawa, yamaguchi (hopefully you don't mind so many ahhhh )

:OOO dw i don’t mind!!! i’m putting them under a cut to save my poor followers’ dashes tho 

harry 

A - when he finds out how easy it is for him to get wizarding clothes that are actually fitted for him and sit right on his body, as opposed to dudley’s leftover clothes, he never wants to go back and hermione helps him get all kinds of nice, casual clothes, both muggle clothes and robes 

B - no matter how much harry loves the wizarding world and how different it is from his old life, harry and hermione still smuggle regular ballpoint pens into hogwarts because they can’t always be arsed to go buy more quills and inkwells just to finish their homework on time 

C - it takes harry forever to actually nail apparating, primarily because he just has so many shitty memories and experiences with apparating and portkeys and floo powder and all sorts of magical non-broom transport 

D - harry tries working as an auror for a while, but eventually decides to start a career as dada teacher at hogwarts, to the relief of all the people in his life tired of him still getting into life-threatening situations on a regular basis 

aph norway 

A - he owns like, eight different coffee machines. even though he primarily drinks black coffee. you never know what your next houseguest might want so he has Everything 

B - he also has two drawers full of ties, because the other nordics keep giving him ties for birthdays and christmas etc. a lot of them are joke gifts and he has at least twelve different christmas ties that play songs and/or light up 

C - he genuinely tries to keep up with all the new icelandic words for technology stuff and trends and all that stuff?? partly because it’s interesting, and partly because he feels like he’ll fall behind and lose touch with iceland if he doesn’t, like if he doesn’t pay attention icelandic will just stop sounding familiar 

D - he knows every single norwegian dialect. even the dumb made-up ones and the ones that hardly sound norwegian at all. he also speaks fluent swedish and danish, but refuses to speak either in the presence of sweden or denmark, 100% because they want him to. (he might switch over to a random obscure norwegian dialect just to mess with them, though) 

legolas 

A - legolas can use swords, but he’s fully aware he’s not nearly as impressive with a sword as with a bow or a knife or a pair of daggers, and is juuust petty enough that he’ll only use a sword if he really has to 

B - he’s a horrible, horrible actor. too emotional and takes all the fake arguing personally. breaks character and storms out in a huff. terrible at lying and pretending unless it’s to temporarily get a playful rise out of someone, and even then he’d prefer being honest and smug about it 

C - will stubbornly pretend he’s not hurt until he’s literally falling over from the pain, absolute shit at laying down and letting people take care of him if he can help it 

D - you know the “how to talk to short people” graphic??? he exhausts every possible Wrong option at every opportunity and every dwarf in middle earth has him on their personal shit list because of it. with halflings he just kinda crouches all the way down like he’s about to pet a cat and they just kinda endure it at this point because fuck it at least this way they get to look non-hobbits in the eye while talking for once 

hinata shoyo 

A - hinata will train and practice with like, absolutely anyone. some middle school kids sees him practicing and asks to join? hell yeah. old grandpa wants to throw for the kid a few times to feel young again? hit it gramps! some asshole in class lobs a ball of paper at him from across the room? hinata’s already spiking it and hollering a cheery “thanks” 

B - even though he’s plenty capable of jumping super high himself, he’ll never really get tired of riding on someone else’s shoulders. he likes the view and he’d like to enjoy it for longer than a split second sometimes, thank you very much 

C - occasionally, he trains and practices until his hands and feet are bleeding. sometimes he shows up with bandaids and sports tape around his ankles or knuckles and while it’d be easy to make jokes about hinata getting into fights with kageyama or the other teams, all the third years + tanaka are very aware of what’s happening and insist that hinata has them on speedcall, just in case something really horrible happens while hinata’s practicing alone late at night again 

D - hinata does parkour and no one gets to tell me otherwise. it’s just facts 

nishinoya 

A - on the team, his appetite is only second to hinata’s. no one has a clue where all that food goes. asahi is constantly terrified of their power level 

B - noya and hinata have an act where they balance on each other inside a massive trenchcoat they borrow from the drama club, which they use during training camps and stuff to entertain the other players - usually by imitating all the tallest people present, and some that aren’t there. their ushiwaka’s a crowd favourite, and whenever seijou is present for the act, oikawa immediately requests they do him (followed by iwa who usually follows up with “yeah and then do oikawa next” to zero protest from anyone but oikawa) 

C - man i don’t have a lot of sad headcanons for noya??? but: part of him kind of wishes hinata would consider taking over as libero. not because he’s short or because he’s fast, all those things help but ultimately he sees a vast potential in hinata that he thinks would make for a great libero if hinata wanted to give it a try. he respects that hinata wants to be a good middle blocker and even an ace, and thinks it’s a super cool and ambitious goal that hinata might actually achieve, but hinata understands what being a libero truly means at the core, probably moreso than anyone else in karasuno, and noya’s sad to see that possibility already gone 

D - noya is suuuper affectionate when people let him be. he’ll happily give out hugs and smooch cheeks and play with people’s hair and lay on their laps like a cat in the sun, as long as he’s certain the other person is comfortable with it 

suga 

A - suga does bunny ears on people in photos like, all the time. most pictures with suga standing next to someone will have to be retaken 

B - suga has a surprisingly strong competitive streak, and loves challenges set by his kohais. he wins most of them, sometimes just because he’d rather push himself to the limit and be pleasantly smug about “still got it” than have his juniors laugh at him and calling him old 

C - you’d think asahi would be the one that gets sick the most often and that suga’s the team mom who always has to take care of all the sick team members, but suga’s usually the first to catch anything that’s going around, and the flu just knocks him completely out for a full week. he kinda hates it, especially missing training and matches and having people worry about him and not being able to rely on him for being there for an important match because he could well be sick for it, but he doesn’t like talking about it, so he just grumbles and lets the others help so he can get back on his feet, only to huff at them about how they shouldn’t put themselves at risk of catching it from him. daichi fondly tells him to shut up and then sneezes. suga yells even louder 

D - suga used to be an avid reader, but hasn’t had much time to sit down with books since he started doing volleyball, so he listens to a lot of audiobooks when he can 

bokuto 

A - bokuto is 100% a dog person, he’s especially great with big dog breeds but he loves them all and sometimes volunteers at kennels when he has extra time 

B - the fukurodani drama club has been trying to recruit bokuto for years, and go to all their volleyball matches just bc bokuto’s dramatic everything is 1) entertaining and 2) gives them a lot of inspiration for their own activities and roles. bokuto’s heart is with the ball but he still shows up to just about all of the drama club’s shows in return, clapping and cheering loudly (which helps with the drama club members’ nerves because none of them are gonna look sillier than bokuto even if they trip up) 

C - bokuto has a heart condition, and everyone on the fukurodani team is aware of it, but he persistently doesn’t talk about it and none of them ever bring it up, unless something really, really serious happens. akaashi nearly falls over himself whenever it looks like something’s wrong with bokuto but he usually manages to keep his cool 

D - bokuto sings in the shower, especially communal showers, loudly and badly. he’s actually much better at singing when he wants to but where’s the fun in that when he can joke around instead (also if the drama club finds out he’s actually good at singing they’ll never let go) 

oikawa 

A - oikawa is the undisputed king of movie nerds at aoba johsai, but he’s kind of a snob about it, with thorough lists of what movies he thinks are Good and which ones he’ll grimace at you at for even acknowledging out loud 

B - oikawa just really really cannot swim. he’s so bad at it, it’s barely even funny. he can sort of dog paddle, but that’s it. everyone else at seijoh swims circles around him. 

C - he’s a massive hypocrite when it comes to food and nutrition, and pays fairly close attention to his team to make sure they eat as much as they need and the right kinds of foods, while simultaneously eating like, one (1) banana for breakfast because he didn’t take the time to prepare anything the night before and was in a rush. fortunately iwaizumi gets on his case about it constantly and usually packs extra food to make sure tohru eats, but he has collapsed mid-practice at least once because he just straight up forgot to eat properly for two days straight 

D - he has like, an entire wall in his room dedicated to his team and his family and the people he gives a shit about. dumb pictures, newspaper cutouts, heart-shaped post-it notes with quotes, little neatly scrawled notes about their favourite foods and how they like their tosses and specific weaknesses of the various other teams, all that junk. it’s  kind of a huge mess but he loves looking at it 

yamaguchi 

A - yamaguchi is such an all-over nerd that he sometimes forgets he plays an actual sport. he shows up to every practice and trains his jump-float serve all the time and yet he somehow keeps catching himself thinking jocks are the furthest thing from him and tsukki 

B - yamaguchi has, hands down, the neatest handwriting of the whole karasuno team. even neater than kiyoko, yachi, or tsukki, which is incredibly impressive. he doesn’t even realize it. 

C - he’s great at doing chores and household stuff, but that’s mainly because he’s always had to do these things and learnt at a very young age. as a result, he feels constantly responsible for everything, including the happiness of people around him and making sure everything is as good as it can be, which is hard sometimes. especially with tsukishima, who doesn’t always communicate properly whether something’s wrong or if everything’s okay or if he needs anything, so yamaguchi often feels like he’s not doing enough 

D - yachi and yamaguchi chat a lot when they have the time, so they both bring powerbanks and phone chargers everywhere because their line apps never get any rest. sometimes yamaguchi accidentally sends something to tsukki instead of yachi and tsukishima’s response is always some variation on “what the hell are you guys even talking about, how is this possibly related to anything” and yamaguchi just “oh whoops sorry, it makes sense in context okay”. tsukishima genuinely wonders if they just send him weird pictures and shit just to mess with him. sometimes he’s actually right 

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff - THE (FULL) TROOF ABOUT STEVEN UNIVERSE

WARNING: What you’ll see under the cut is possibly one of the grandest things I will ever do and generally one of the biggest SU Crit posts of all time. Be advised that explicit language is present and we ask that readers are open-minded and reasonable with any given retort. Note that this has been edited due to Tumblr’s limitations of presentable media so click here for the Director’s Cut.

Do like & share if you enjoyed it or if I fought your boredom. Thank you and take care out there. 

Steven Universe is a charming, popular show with a quad-polar fandom, and I’m only here to point out what I say is legitimately wrong with this cartoon. Simple enough? Fair enough.

POINT #1 - THE ACTION:

Okay, my first point really doesn’t just apply with cartoons, but fights in general. Question: what’s the one thing that people get the most out of seeing a fight? The impacts. Those moments where the opponent is given such a crushing ass blow, that you can feel the effort that went into that attack. Yeah, Steven Universe lacks this. I mean, it can look like the characters are putting effort into fighting their opponents and it can look like they’re getting hurt pretty bad (thanks to applied visuals and sound effects), but it never feels like the characters are actually hitting each other. There are instances of impact, but they’re menial and they’re scattered between the duelists smacking each other like helium filled action figures; feeling as tender as any other motion the characters do throughout. Now if you’re wondering what I mean by impacts, note these prime examples; because animes know their action.

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

Hajime no Ippo

Summer Wars

My Hero Academia

If present, violence can/should provide a stark raving contrast to the supposedly grounded world in any series, and the impacts of violence should be escalating with every punch or kick. Attacks should fly with fierce swiftness, the weight/force of any blow can be seen; raw power, speed, and stamina should be pushed to limits unknown. Now, I’m not saying Steven U has to imitate any incredible, well animated fight scene that anime has flawlessly provided by now, but more effort should have been made to escalate the impact of their fights, not keep it steady tuned with

*Smear work to make the boring motions look fast paced

*Spiky white marks to show a clash

*quick visual instances of impact that lets you know a character is getting hurt

*and tons of smoke to cover the possibly graphic imagery

Steven Universe has the fundamentals of action down, but they don’t go beyond that (plus ultra). Their fights can look technically similar with the characters being the only real source of variation, especially when you can figure out their attacks ahead of time. So I hate to say this, but if you’ve seen one fight, you’ve seen ‘em all.

Another reason I presented Steven U’s lacking action is because tts not just about fists flying or weapons clashing, but the balance of emotion that goes with the foes putting their heart and soul into taking each other down. But, for most of the time, I don’t see SU’s fights present any real hook of seriousness, even if it wants me to, and most of them feel present for (basic) comedy. I feel less invested in who’s fighting, or why, than I am at how they’re getting beat up. Ironic, being a show that’s all about being open with its “serious” emotions. Combined with its lackluster animation, and they don’t add much contrast towards an otherwise easy going series

This here is honestly the most funniest a fight scene of theirs can get (mostly ‘cuz Peri deserved that), but after seeing the pretty slow animation, it can lose its luster no matter how deserving it may seem. Now notice this whopping scene, from the anime One Punch Man, below.

You can know nothing about One Punch Man, who these characters really are, but you can tell from these 5 seconds alone that when a fight happens, there’s a fast, over the top sense of comedy that comes with the brutal nature of a man that can apparently KO anybody in one swing, ironic and even more comedic with said one hit wonder being the most emotionless looking character on the show.

Seriously, that’s his face for almost the whole series

Now I know what you’re thinking, “But Monkey Network, it’s mostly a slice of life cartoon. The action scenes aren’t that prominent in the series as you might think and hope. It’s not supposed to be a violent show.” And I’d say fair point except for the fact that Friendship is Magic is also a slice of life cartoon that only has a few real action scenes under its belt, and this particular one is the best fucking thing I’ll ever see.

AGAIN, you can know nothing about the series as a whole, or this episode in general, but this fight alone perfectly captures the game Steven Universe has never really utilized since its early days. It has some seriousness with its escalating over the top attacks, the pace never feels constant, and even though they’re evenly matched, the things they do look fucking cool. The only downside is that since the show has puppet flash animation, it does looks limited, but even then they made the most of it. Steven Universe is hand drawn, so with all due respect, they have no fucking excuse. Their fight scenes amount to stay the course animation with glimpses of impact and a flashy style to avoid it from being pod racing levels of BORING. I’ve seen fan animations that would give this show a run for its money.

The Fandom provides more than the actual show

Even before Garnet’s fight with Jasper, Steven Universe’s action sequences was a sweet chunk of what made the show investing to watch, and looking at back at it, I was a bit too invested in something that wasn’t that invested in itself. Again, I know it can’t stack up to the God tier works that the anime world’s made for itself, but compared to other action present cartoons (Voltron, Star vs. the Forces of Evil, Avatar, The Powerpuff Girls, MLP, OK KO, any shonen anime), I think maybe they could/should git a little gooder in providing actual fights, not sparring matches. That, and if Sugar Honey Ice Tea and her crewniverse can put such effort into the facial expressions, they can make the fights more expressive too.

POINT #2 - THE “VILLAINS”:

Now, I fucking love villains. Not just for the who, but why and how they do it. When bad guys like the Joker, Lord Dominator, DIO, or Him do their thing onscreen, I enjoy every moment of their threatening essence (except Jared Leto’s Joker, he sucked). Villains remorselessly do unethical, downright vicious, things to fulfill their goals while initiating setting up the heroes to correct these effects with their efforts and abilities. Steven Universe has villains, sure. Yet, after having so many chances, Rebecca Sugardaddy has failed to make them REAL villains, specifically the Great Diamond Authority.

Now originally, I was gonna compare the Diamonds to the likes of Fire Lord Ozai(Avatar: The Last Airbender) or DIO (JJBA); villains that work in the shadows and when they’re eventually revealed, they’re already a force to be reckoned with. But looking into how they and Homeworld is set up, there was no other villainous ensemble that could stack up with the Diamonds perfectly like the Gorosei from the anime One Piece.

Looking more badass than the US Government

Now these five gentlemen aren’t necessarily what make up the end all be all for the series, but above all, the Gorosei are the ruling leaders of the organization that controls the entire world of One Piece. They command the military, the police, and other agencies, like their investigative and espionage departments, and the only people that out rule these gentlemen are the descendants of those who created it several centuries ago. Like the Diamonds, they seek to maintain order and justice for the people of their world and doing so means taking on any sign of revolution (namely Pirates) that could damage not only their image, but their purpose. Both Authorities possess absolute rule over the many classes that are under them and their stance of power can be present with the many actions that effect the characters we focus on currently. The difference between the two ruling classes is nuance, aka a grey sense of morality, aka an actual sense of relatability. So when I see a series having an overall narrative villain, Steven Universe has shown me that sympathy should NOT be a factor in storytelling.

Now when I say this, I don’t mean you can’t sympathize with any villain you see. Most of the time, you can feel for the antagonist when their lives never were good to begin with, that’s namely how villainy starts out, therefore making their actions not so much justified, but understandable. Take the rogues gallery that are the enemies of Batman.

Every one of them has a story to tell and a method to their madness. Their histories weren’t as nice or as hopeful as they may have hoped, and you can feel their pain as their efforts to be successful at something grand falls apart due to the Dark Knight or life’s unforgiving nature. However, the sympathy stops there because none of these masterminds, with the Joker being an exception, serve as a main villain to Batman’s crusade for justice, they’re continuous rivals and one off stories that expand the DC Universe. No evil in Gotham is powerful enough because Batman’s story has no real endgame. Steven Universe and One Piece will eventually have an endgame. And while the Gorosei represent an Oligarchical commodity that separates its order seeking rule from their affiliating countries, The Diamonds have amounted to being under one system alone:

Or generally cruel Collectivism if you wanna sound smart

And it’s weird I bring this up. For I would’ve thought to have called Homeworld an authoritative caste system where the gem you’re born with defines your class and status, coinciding with the gems’ natural abilities. The specific gems are given a role and everyone plays a part to maintain societal order, like what India has, with the Diamonds being the biggest and strongest gems and therefore are the de facto Matriarch of the gem society, you feel me? That would’ve earned a little sympathy from me, because the Diamonds losing Pink would’ve meant the massive changes to accommodate their order and resources might not have worked out so well and their image as leaders are slowly diminishing and that can explain the huge resentment for Earth and Rose’s Rebellion.

But no. Instead the Diamonds are a repressive totalitarian government that basically control everyone and everything, all the gems below to strictly follow and almost never question their line of reasoning, and they’re reasons for destroying the Earth has been summarized down to the emotional baggage and grudge that came with their failure long ago.

CAN YOU NOT FEEL THEIR STRUGGLE?!

Wanna know why I didn’t compare the Diamonds to Avatar’s Fire Nation when talking about humanizing the enemy and the connection couldn’t be more obvious? Because before Ozai is ever mentioned, The Last Airbender states very clearly that the Fire Nation is the region Aang and his friends need to infiltrate to stop their manifest destiny. And when we’re early hinted that Zuko’s not full on evil, it lets the audience know that not everyone is on board with those in charge of the Fire Nation invasion, leading up to Ozai’s big debut where we see that as the endgame villain, he’s irredeemable and has such a lust for power, that he’s recognizably the main drive everyone has to stop. Avatar did this right because little by little, the main enemy was narrowed down to a single force that hasn’t made itself known until near the end when his presence bear more importance. The same can’t be said for Steven Universe because Rebecca Sugar Rush presented yet another faint mistake.

The Diamond’s personalities are given to us before they’ve shown us who they are and what they’re capable of…

So we see Yellow Diamond as a vindictive, no nonsense leader that wants shit to get done and Blue Diamond as a more tender looking, yet no nonsense leader that’s grieving over Pink Diamond’s death and does whatever she can to move on and remember the fallen fondly. So, have they done anything before we’ve met them personally? Sure.

*They corrupted thousands of their own kind (because of the rebellion)

*Allowed experimentation towards shattered gems to make artificial fusion or disembodied amalgamates (because of the rebellion)

*And let’s not forget the Cluster (because of the rebellion)

So yeah, quite a lot actually. Now you might be thinking, “But Monkey Network, what does those five old men have to do with what the Diamonds did?” Well, when you see the villainous shit the Gorosei have commanded, their actions are actually more relatable than one would expect.

*Ordering the destruction of an island of archaeologists because they were secretly researching forbidden history

*Ordered death to any pregnant woman in sight fearing that one could be pregnant with Gol D. Roger, the OG Pirate King’s, child. Said slaughter lasted for around two years (Special thanks to @des-the-girl​ for this info)

*Directing the Marines, or the front line enemies of our Pirate heroes

*And contemplating their system’s next move when updates arrive

Now I don’t know about you, but these gentlemen make up quite an authoritative class with understandable motives and relatable notions on running the world without necessarily being on the front lines. Kinda like the US over the years? Even when their level of corruption can be on par and we still know little of their true power and who they really are, they’re instantly better than the Diamond Authority because we can see why they’re in command, their thoughts and actions towards our heroes shows no sign of being sympathetic, and yet we see where their motives lie. I mean, their Government’s enemies are pirates. You know, Pirates? People who’ve robbed and killed and are the opposite of order? See where I’m going here? They namely go after our heroes who are seen to be the enemy even when the Pirates and plenty others consider them the enemy. It’s almost as if there’s a grey choice for the audience to wonder whom the real bad guys are. OooooOOh. Also, quick side note. The Gorosei look fucking cool. Like their designs aren’t exactly human, credit towards Eiichiro Oda and his expressive designs, but they’re drawn with such a level of seriousness and stature that it presents their elder wisdom and grave subtlety towards a subject in a contrasting light to the pirates bombastic, emotional appeal.

So, what’s the tl;dr aspect of this since you probably won’t take this seriously? Well, call this a domino effect. Basically, Rebecca Sugardop has given us nonthreatening villains that showed no sign of any redeemable qualities beyond their ability to mesmerize us with their acting, and the audience should have a bit of sympathy for their side (see ”Bismuth”). In doing so, she failed to make them real villains. In doing that, there really are no real villains in the show. And when there are no villains, the conflict feels dry and absent. And without conflict, she failed at putting together HALF an overall story. And when you’re a coming of age story where it has to end on some note with maturity and change, after almost five years in the making, you just FUCKED yourself over when you didn’t even invest time in HALF of what makes an overall story of good and evil investing and engaging. Oh I’m sorry, what makes an overall story of a blurred line between good and evil. Investing and engaging.

Ugh, I can’t care anymore. If they get redeemed, sure. If they end up dying like a tragedy, fine. They feel less like villains to overcome and more like stairs Steven has to step on to become a better person. Just let White Diamond be as grandiose and badass as Tumblr’s AUs of her, because again…

The fandom is doing the show a bit of justice

POINT #3 - BEACH CITY:

Okay, before I provide attention to our main gem heroes, I thought I’d give their home of Beach City a vocal point to express the diversity they offer and what makes them an essential drive for Steven and the Crystal Gems to protect the Earth by any means. I mean, they offer such valid representation for the show’s world building and can offer plenty of stories to tell to give us that slice of lifevibe the show really needed. But I believe, after seeing Beach City time and time again over the course of 4 years, that I can summate its presence in the show with a single- Nay. With two simple yet comprehensible words.

Who cares?

Whooo CARES?

Thank you, respectable actor Elaine Stritch. Rest in Peace

To continue, don’t get me wrong. Worldbuilding is more than essential for a story like Steven Universe, Berserk, Friendship is Magic, Legend of Zelda, and so on. Whether big or small, expanding a setting is important to giving characters a versatile way to look at their world in a differing light than before. But suffice to say, what world has Steven Universe built for itself?

*A populated province in the East Coast?

*A barn?

*Ancient ruins? Among other distant gem territory?

Aye, this troof is gonna be hard to explain. We just have locations, people. That’s it. They’re no special than the mini Galaxies from Super Mario Galaxy 2, only on Wii, Rated E for Everyone. A place can look cool and a population there can bring life to it, but they should have something for the characters to interact with and visibly wonder about what they might get into as they adapt and progress in some way. And by some way, I don’t mean insert plot devices that help make the characters do significant looking things, and I’ll get to that a bit later. But to sum it up, Steven Universe present locations, but those locations lack identity and coordination.

Stick around, Link, I might need your example

I got a short story to tell. True story. And this story provides my reason, above all else, for why Beach City doesn’t hold much water anymore when talking about world building, specifically after the show’s first season (or Full Disclosure).

There’s a comic book TV show called Preacher, premieres Mondays @ 9, only on AMC. Essentially it’s about a criminal turned Priest, possessed with a supernatural power, going on a cross country road trip to find the physical form of God with his his mate who’s also a vampire and his ex-girlfriend. Pretty vivid premise, but see for yourself. The first season however sets up the road trip where the priest, his ex, and vampire friend stay in a small town in Texas to not only introduce them, the power that the priest gets, and the type of humor throughout, but flesh out a few citizens they encounter pretty well in a thematically connected turnabout for ten episodes straight. All seems good.

Up until the entire town loses their minds, after losing all faith in belief, which eventually leads to a methane nuclear sized explosion that wipes out everybody except the three main characters who exited a few scenes before.

The End.

Now, let’s talk relevance. If I ran Steven Universe, and I don’t think I can, and I pulled 👆👆 that on Beach City at season 1′s end. Erase everything you’ve seen, every citizen will be forced to disappear except the major plot oriented characters, basically resetting the structure. If I did that, how much would it change? What would we really lose? The diverse Beach citizens that don’t and can’t do shit against the enemies we’ve see unless they’re forced to get involved in some way which rarely happens?

You can put as many people of color and as many personalities in your world all you want, but effort should also be put into not just making them NPC levels of value to the point where a reset button wouldn’t put much a dent to the “world building”. The worst part is that it’s not like Batman’s Gotham City or Spider-Man’s New York; places where the villains are plotting while they’re within city walls. Steven Universe’s enemies have to either be brought out somewhere (gem monsters, Lapis) or brought to (Jasper, that red Eye, Aqua and Topaz) Beach City for the place to provide any significant or value. So…

Just saying.

Now if the whole series was like season one with the non “To Be Continued”slice of life episodes, then it would’ve work. Phineas and Ferb, Foster’s Home, and Friendship is Magic has done this well with keeping their main location (The Foster House, Danville, Ponyville, etc.) as their central hubworld for casual stories with a venture outside of them from time to time. I would’ve been okay with Beach City being the spot for Steven and his limitless squad to grow together like Rebecca intended at first. Then I’m reminded that there’s an world expanding story in this, with bigger consequences and threaded arcs, and I’m stuck between investing in the many things they give me, complaining towards full episodes that add up to nothing and went nowhere special, and whining about the lack of reruns it gets on TV compared to Teen Titans GO.

Bottom line, you had/have your comic series to commit to your slice of life genre instead of trying to keep it in the show.

Now, I’m at a disadvantage here. If I want to talk about the actual “SCIENCE FANTASY WORLD BUILDING”, then I’ll have to talk about the Crystal Gems’ involvement in them and I can’t really do that. Luckily, I don’t have to, for SU has unintentionally played itself: when it comes to the Gem oriented locations outside Beach City, they tell but never really show. And turns out I don’t need Link’s example, but Samus Aran’s. Namely, her universe in the Metroid Prime series.

A key element to world building is the control and fun in exploration where you find and somewhat interact with aspects of an environment’s purpose and history while you’re on the go, giving the place more of an identity. Metroid Prime does this well where you journey through different parts of the Galaxy and with your scan visor, you can catalog and figure out the intricacies of the settings, the enemies within them, and info that seem trivial at first, but can offer much in progressing ahead in the game. Note the example before you…

And don’t stare deep into Samus’s blue eyes

Sure it’s an optional part of the game, and you can still trek on with or without having to continuously research the world’s lore, but it offers that versatility where you’re well in control in how to experience the game. Then again, this is a video game, where your skill in figuring things out is the only way to progress anything. What cartoon has this similar level of versatility? I mean, what else?

What else?

Gravity Falls may have stayed in one place, but it gives the characters and audience so much to explore and theorize on. They don’t tackle “everything” the world might have offered (bigfoot), but still give you so much to look out for without ever holding your hand or giving a cliffnotes version on a mystery of theirs. Hell, the fandom was hollering on Tumblr over predicting one of the show’s biggest mysteries being confirmed long before it aired. Hirsh didn’t just give those theory nuts what they wanted, his crew eased us in on how the narrative is taking a turn to someplace different and new without really forcing it on everybody. There was still that enjoyable sense of control that resonated in both the show’s direction and the audience’s experience.

I mean come on, this just oozes the moment of truth

Don’t get me wrong. The crewniverse offer very interesting locations and things that resonate with Gem stuff. My final problem with this is that when I think they might utilize these different places and things, they hold back to sharing but a glimpse of anything the show has plenty of utilizing potential for. Like…

Could this control room present more information about Homeworld’s plans for the gems than just the Cluster? “Probably not, it fulfilled its purpose. Let’s move on.”

What about these drills? Could we personally see how one works, like accidentally reactivate it to see how it functions? “Nah, they’re all dead. Let’s move on.”

Or what about the holes? Could we have some kind of flashback depicting how a gem leaps out the ground? “Nope.” Not even the off col- “NOPE.”

What’s that supposed to be? Is it something important to Homeworld? “We’ll get to that later. Let’s move on.”

Man, this place looks cool. Connie might consider this since she handles weapons and might want something new, like armor or throwing weapons. “Look man, this tour is scheduled. You’ve seen it, we’ll get back to it later. Moving right along.” This tour sucks. “You paid for it, my friend.”

Egoraptor said it best: I’m not witnessing an adventure, I’m a guest at their theme park. This is Kingdom Hearts levels of dragging it along, and I know… “But Monkey Network, they might come back to all that stuff soon. It’s called foreshadowing, you whiner.” To that, I say HA! There’s a huge difference between foreshadowing and giving us cameos. And that is in...

PRESENTATION!

Long story short, if it’s subtle and holds a threatening or vague presence, THAT’s foreshadowing. If it’s already out in the open and is not given a lot of screentime or detail, that’s cameo-ing and waiting for more. The last thing a show should do is hold back and have its audience wait like shoving a secret box in our face, and that’s all Steven Universe has been doing. That’s why so many rant about what’s filler or not. That’s why so many theorize on the most reaching of details. That’s why people proudly growl at what could be the crew’s simple decisions. Because when everything must come back to Beach City, post “Full Disclosure”, exploration can be limited, detail can be limited, and it’ll be up to the audience to speculate/construct the world-building for themselves, making the control and experience for the show feel one sided, therefore UNFAIR.

Like I said, the things I’ve seen offer so much to think about, but Rebecca Sugar sack could’ve done better with presenting them in a better light than a dim mode. The fate of Steven Universe’s future is a mystery to me, and I don’t know what they’re gonna cram in season 5 this fall. All I know is MJ (or Mystery Girl) is fine as fuck and we’re all gonna get something good eventually. My man Ian Jones-Quartey said good world building takes time, and they sure are taking their time.

POINT #4 - THE REPRESENTATION:

Representation in media can be easy when the right writers are at the helm to present (not push) a message of acceptance and acknowledgement towards an audience that may or may not feel the same way. It takes different strokes to rule the world, after all. However, when it comes to character in general, there are two factors in characterization that when used correctly can appeal their message of acceptance for their audience. One, visual acknowledgement of the representing characters (POC, LGBT, belief, etc.) in question and two, giving the subjects good quality participation to show that they are just as adept to the world as any other without phoning in the fact that they are this or that. Long story short, make ‘em good characters and the representation can earn the audience’s respect for itself. Steven U lacks this too, and this comes from them often showing us stuff and expecting us to just go with it, with themes that are enough just to get by fans. Hell, they show us as much as a drive by…

Not even a cool one at that, fresh

I’ll say this to start off: Lars Barriga (my neega) was a stagnant and frustrating character to deal with; nobody in Beach City moved him in any way (not even his own supporting parents), and the writers just shotgunned him growth (more than once) after he basically had to cheat death (more than once) to gain a better conscience. It’s like they wanted to call him a lost cause but had to hook him back in some way for the audience to not deem him a lost cause. So with all due respect, does it matter that he’s Filipino or a trans boy when nothing valuable or thoughtful has come from him especially? Those trivial tidbits can mostly come off as add ons or secondary nods, when they should’ve been welcomed knowledge about his character. Want an good example? Look to the comic series Lumberjanes, especially issues 14-17 and 28. SPOILERS, though…

They did this right for characters Jo and Barney (Jo’s the one in the 2nd panel, Barney’s in the first). They already established these two as well defined characters that make mistakes but are willing to get shit done for their friends by any means. The dialogue above is when Barney is thinking about joining the girl oriented scouts even when he’s considered a boy scout, wondering where does he want to belong. Jo gives him reassurance that she herself felt the same and just wants Barney to assert himself with what he wants to be like she did. And when he does later on, he’s accepted without any forced gratification and the writers gracefully accommodate this to not only make him (now “them”) a good addition to the story’s world, but a welcoming new perspective.

The representation is therefore earned, not just shown off

Now I’d talk further on other characters like Lars, but that would be singing the same beats as my previous piece on world building and would spoil notes on the final 2 parts I’m working on now. Instead, the gems are another reason why the rep-pres-sen-tation in SU is nothing but small fractured penny in the gold mine that is anything else going on, with fusion diminishing the relationship representation of Steven U; however you may see it. Now excuse me… this is the hardest part of my job.

Criticizing love

Garnet is not a good embodiment of Ruby and Sapphire’s love; Ruby and Sapphire is. I would love to see Ruby and Sapphire being together and showing me why they decided to elope, but I can’t because Garnet is a curtain that metaphorically and literally covers said love from having anything more to say than “HELL YEAH WE LOVE EACH OTHER!”. You could say ‘Keystone Motel’offered some adversity for the two, but knowing Steven U, it didn’t feel like much beyond me knowing they’re getting back together in the end because they love each other and they just go back to being Garnet because she’s the personification of their love and such.

Fusion is something I have a disdain for now because they’re exchanging two characters’ development of united growth for basically an entirely new/different character, that don’t have much screen time or development anyways (vice versa in Flourite’s case). You could say ‘Know your Fusion’ presented an evolution for Smokey Quartz, among the other known fusions, to being more than a versatile fighter, but not really no. We were already aware that Steven and Amethyst were acknowledged sad sacks before they fused, so what else does this fusion offer differently than in their ability? As for Sardonyx, she hasn’t changed from her first cameo awhile back and her vanity was the only thing that made her stand out in said episode. All in all, fusion doesn’t reflect a relationship, no matter how hard Rebecca Suge Knight is saying otherwise, it reflects an aftermath; one that’s in and out as a firework. This and up ‘til now, the real couples we see are pretty general or under the rug. To show how the most mentioned and presented couple in the series, RubyXSapphire, has continuously got the shaft, I present the one dynamic you’d least expect: A boy and his stuffed toy.

My personally favorite example so far.

Calvin and Hobbes is a series about boy Calvin and his stuffed tiger Hobbes that comes to life through Calvin’s imagination. Reality is like Garnet in this case, where it’s just Calvin having his stuffed animal around to get into zany hijinks like any other kid his age. Then again, the imagination or the living Hobbes is whom is given more of a focus, allowing their dynamic to bloom in a way that wouldn’t be understood if we just saw Calvin just talking to his toy the whole time. It makes their bond feel real and that’s what RubyxSapphire should be, giving them the floor in a way that adds up to Garnet’s eventual debut. “But Monkey Network, what about ‘The Answer’?” The Answer is an episode that, while sweet and good looking, literally danced over much necessary development in favor of only showing us how they eventually stuck to being Garnet forever. Not saying Garnet doesn’t have any character herself, but her integral backstory was/is one of the most beloved and talked about in terms of relationships, yet little has actually been given to us beyond face value and basic understanding and the writers have generally avoid pressing this any further. In a way, that episode diminishes the representation of real queer relationships, bogging it down to early Disney romances like Snow White’s, and practically blindfolds us about what we want to see vs what we should be seeing.

And I already got cute girls not kissing last year. It’s the current fucking year

I would talk about all the other canonning “ships” but nothing comes to mind other than the gems are getting along better than before, Mystery Girl is still fine as fuck, Steven and Connie are bound to elope since it’s been presented since the beginning, Lapis and Peridot get along as college roommates, Lapis might still have issues after Malachite happened, Jasper regrets nothing, Topaz sounds cool from the little we got of them, and everything has amounts to having a sob story and/or a recollection of thoughts just to say “Hey, we’re good together”. They implicitly share infatuation and good vibes to each other, but nothing to say their themes of LGBT, relationships, and characterization are groundbreaking. The latter I’ll get to next time. I mean anybody can put effort into writing a genuine romance novel, though it takes more effort to push the romance to challenging means without leaving skeptics at the door, something Sugar has been very casual about and is starting to openly show in the show. That and tears. Because you know what they say, open emotions are better than emotional maturity. Isn’t that right, TV?

Don’t get me wrong. Rebecca Sugarbark is out here doing her darndest as…

CARTOON. NETWORK’S. FIRST. FEMALE. ANIMATED. SERIES. CREATOR!

and when she does themes right, the show provides some good things to think about. But when she muddles them up or casually throws them in, especially when these themes come from the different aspects of what makes a person different yet real, it is unforgivable. And when people of all ages are watching this, thinking with their living ideologies about what could be used to think differently? This makes for a very risky tightrope that can lead to either people taking it appropriately or blindly, good and bad alike. I can only hope that as the show goes on, there are less assumptions and implications from both the show and the audience alike and more assertions and certainty that elements like representation of any kind are brought to a more applied approach than a glanced approach.

AND STEVEN - POINT #5:

What makes a great character? Charm? Growth? Badassery? Nah, it’s the struggle son. To cheaply quote Pixar: “You admire a character more for trying more than for their successes.” And while Steven does try, does he really fail? Let’s look back. He has three skillful and powerful guardians that care for him. He has a father who is filthy rich (’member that). He has a sweet ass pad. Everyone that knows him likes/respects him. He has powers retained from his mother. He has a lion for a pet. He redeemed/helped three of what were once his enemies. He has a best friend that joins in the action with a sword. He clearly has the capable knowledge of reaching out to anyone. He’s outdone death more than once. He’s practically invulnerable (see “Steven vs. Amethyst”). Everyone that doesn’t like him could eventually see his way with good convincing and a middle road to come to (except Kevin). While there are things he needs to do and characters that’ll he have to confront sooner or later, I’ve started to think less of how he’ll succeed and more of when he’ll succeed. I’m thinking less of who he is and more of what he is. Here’s what I mean…

I don’t see Star Butterfly as an upbeat, independent, cocky, and enduring magical princess who loves rainbows and puppies and struggles to balance fun, romance, and responsibility in one go. I see an up and coming teenage princess that’ll defeat all the evil, hook up with her friend Marco, and claim the title of Mewni’s Queen while doing it all her way.

And I don’t see the JoJo bloodline as a group of distinct protagonists that have their own goals and passions all the while seeking justice against the evil that surrounds them. I see the main characters of 8 different parts that have the ability to defeat the final enemy at the end.

It’s the “Man of Steel” effect; when you do nothing but show how Steven is becoming like or better than Rose, it takes away from letting Steven see who he really is and wants to be. Season one did Steven good (begrudging to say, I know) where he was devious, self-centered, and oblivious but basically was a goofball kid with a good heart; like Ash Williams from Evil Dead. Halfway in and they basically took that away in favor of him just being the pacifistic hippie boy scout that doesn’t want to do wrong or hurt anybody and wants to be a better version of his mama and… and…zzzzzzz. Yeah, I don’t know how to put this, but Steven is now as good of a main character as a sheet of paper. Like, on paper he had potential, but as paper he’s pretty ineffective.

Hell, even paper can show you wonders

“But Monkey Network, he’s a character that goes through many hardships and has a lot on his mind and is going through plenty like most people.” Yes he is, but he’s really done nothing to better himself. “Mindful Education” brings this up, but immediately sweeps it clean in favor of a song about trauma (ironic) and giving Connie more of the floor. And “Storm in the Room” perfectly captures how flat his guilt complex really is…

This episode could’ve given Steven a better perspective on what he wants to be, how he should see Rose, and how things in his life will change from that point on. No, it amounted to saying Rose wasn’t in the wrong for anything (clearly a lie) and Steven being basically gaslighted to believe that he’ll be around to fix what she didn’t do herself, never stating how he should go about doing so. He has guilt and unsure regrets, and yet now nothing feels like things for him are getting any better through his efforts. Knowing that he’s basically Jesus, I am stunned I don’t see him curing every ill-ridden human on the planet and is instead trying to make peace with everything that wants him dead. Also, if I wanted a show that mirrors the possible regret and turmoil I force myself to suffer with everyday, weed and a literal mirror would create a similar effect. And all this leads to–

“But Monkey Network, he’s at least a pacifist who tries. He only wants to share peace and enlightenment to everyone he meets and that includes those who are trying to defeat them.” True, but there is something called “being pushed to a limit”. Yeah I see Steven stand up for himself while choosing not to hit anybody, but there are some people that don’t deserve anything but a good blow to the face. We see Steven get angry and mean, but has he really been pushed to a limit?

Mob Psycho 100 (Ep. 3) A limit that, while possessing regretting, let’s one know they can be a force to be reckoned with?

Trigun: Badlands Rumble A limit that forces them to take immense action without breaking their code of pacifistic honor?

I mean there’s being a pacifist, and there’s being an peaceful spouting wimp I can whup easily before somebody beats me up to stop it. The point of having pacifism in a show is the counterpoint where that ideology’s being tested and momentous reactions result from it. Yeah, he showed sheer ire towards Kevin in that one episode but that was it, and that was a one off excursion with the only irredeemable character in the series. Now I know violence is not always the answer and this isn’t suppose to be a violent show, whatever, but violence is present more than enough times in this show. So I must topically ask, what was stopping Steven from five knuckle shuffling Aquamarine when he clearly had the chance to, freeing his friends and getting the chance to escape their clutches? There’s the peaceful route, and there’s showing us nothing.

Boy must have a weak ass jab

“But Monkey Network, he has development and growth with this being a coming-of-age story.” True dat, but to an extent. I’ve noticed that when it comes to Steven Universe’s development, everyone is given development with Steven tagging behind. Connie, Amethyst, Pearl, Peridot, Lapis, Lars, you see them learning and growing on the front lines, but Steven’s been kinda consistent wouldn’t you say? I mean, he does grow in seeing many different perspectives, but does he really grow with the said varied perspectives or does he just acknowledge them while doing his usual helping routine to try making things better? You know who is a better main character than Steven? Well….

You could get with this^Or you could get with thatv

Wouldn’t you agree? They’re forced to look out of their comfort zone, they make mistakes but see to getting back up, they grow to understand how this new world works and take it to heart, they’re not mopey little shits and constantly take initiative, still having a lot to learn, and I find their voices less annoying than Steven’s. Okay, that last part is a preference but still.

I’ll say Steven’s a fine protagonist, but he’s a boring protagonist to sum it up. Nothing about him makes me want to care anymore and while I look towards new episodes, all I can do now is tolerate him. They could do better with season 5 upping the ante, but at this point I’m more invested in the world of Steven Universe than Steven himself, and that is sad. You know your cartoon is crumbling where your world generally revolves around the main character and said MAIN CHARACTER is whack! Rebecca Sugar Schnapps and her crew just better git good this season; because it can look good and sound good as long as it wants, but it needs to feel good to be a real show, you feel me?

And that’s my Troof. The whole and nothing but. Thank you <3 Roy M.

[rscenarios]

Sam - Making Up

So I believe these were two anon requests that I combined. “Can you write a scenario of Sam forgetting your birthday and he does everything to try and make it up to you, please?” and “Could u write a fluffy scenario with sam where he and his gf does a youtube video for her gf's chanel and his gf is a famous youtube” I have been out of the Lunafly loop, but this vlog from Sam was super helpful and gave some insight into what’s been happening. I’m sorry if this is out of character for him. I will do my best on the other Lunafly requests pending -Admin Em

Warnings: none

You wake up to almost a hundred notifications on your phone and smile. Slowly you start reading some of the YouTube messages wishing you well and then you move onto your other social media sites. It was amazing that your fans remembered your birthday and took the time to send little messages. There are plenty of text messages from your family and friends as well. The amount of love you’re receiving is almost overwhelming.

Stretching out, you remain in bed a bit longer to reply to your family and friends before getting up to make yourself a light breakfast. As you eat your food, you start saving some of the messages to look back on whenever you have a bad day. It’s during this process you note that your boyfriend hasn’t sent anything. Reminding yourself that Sam is a busy person, you tell yourself not to dwell on it. He had promised you last week that he would make time for a birthday dinner with you.

You go out for lunch with some of your friends, your small group catching up on each others lives. Afterward a few of them decide you should all go shopping. “You all just want my fashion advice,” you tease.

“Why do you think we keep you around?” one of them laughs.

“Yeah, we have to make sure you are worth of the internet fame,” another adds.

“I think I proved that since you do your makeup the way I taught you last month,” you point out.

“That’s the makeup tip. We have to check the fashion.”

You roll your eyes as you smile and follow them along. After several fun filled hours, your entire group ends up with at least two bags of assorted items.

Once you’re home, it dawns on you that you haven’t checked your phone. There are a few new birthday messages, and one from Sam. “Hey baby, I’m going to go out for some drinks with some friends tonight. I will see you tomorrow :)”

You read the message twice. He was going out with his friends tonight...on your birthday...after he promised. You read the message a third time, seeing if maybe there was an invitation that you just weren’t seeing. Nope.

If it were any other day you wouldn’t mind him suddenly going out with his friends. But after being so busy and making so many promises, he forgot your birthday. Strangers from the internet can send their well wishes, but your own boyfriend can’t remember.

You don’t bother to reply.

Instead you make plans with your parents to visit them for dinner. When they ask where Sam is you simply say he’s busy. You try to always keep any issues you have between you and Sam, it wasn’t anyone else’s business. Talking and being with family takes your mind of things. Being home relaxes so you stay a while after dinner before deciding to head home. As you leave, your mother presents you a bouquet of your favorite flowers. You thank your parents again, hugging both of them tightly.before leaving.

The following morning you wake up to a message from Sam, telling you he would stop by your place around noon. You send a quick answer, saying you look forward to seeing him. You have cooled down a bit since last night. It still hurt that he seems to have forgotten, but you think that maybe he could still give you a late birthday surprise. So with that in mind, you start getting ready for the day.

By the time you’re done with your makeup you hear Sam’s key in the door and smile, excited to see your boyfriend. You quickly go over and give him a kiss on the cheek. “You look beautiful, as always,” he smiles at you before taking off his shoes.

“Did you have fun last night?” you ask as he lies on your couch.

He pats the cushion, signalling you to lie down and cuddle with him. “It was nice being with some of the guys. Nothing too exciting. What did you do yesterday? Did you buy those flowers? They’re lovely.”

“My parents gave them to me when I went to their place for dinner. I spent most of the afternoon with friends for lunch and shopping. Bought a few new makeup brushes and a shirt for work.”

“Sounds like a special day.”

“It was,” you say a bit dryly.

“What do you want to do today?” Sam asks, lazily playing with a strand of your hair.

At this point, you aren’t sure if he’s asking as he normally is, or if he means it for your late birthday. You could tell him what you’d hoped to do on your birthday, but you feel a bit petty and want him to make a plan. “I don’t know. What would you like to do?”

“Hmm, since we both went out yesterday, how about just a relaxing day here? We can go out again next time or for a special occasion.”

You’re certain now. He’s forgotten.

“Sam...did...did you forget my birthday?” You ask slowly, afraid to hear the answer. But you need to know. You don’t want to feel bitter for no reason.

“No, I would never. Your birthday is-” he stops as he’s about to say yesterday’s date. “Oh no. Baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize.”

“It’s okay, I know how you lose track of the days.”

“No, it’s not okay. I promised you a nice dinner, so let me take you out tonight and do anything to make it up to you,” he says, shifting to look into your eyes. You can see how sorry he is so you give him a quick peck.

“Anything?”

“Yes.”

“So...you’ll let me do your makeup for a video?”

The last video you had done with Sam about men’s fashion had been a big hit, and since then you had wanted to do another, but this time using him as your makeup model. “You promise nothing extreme?”

“Hmmm, I would just do some basics...but since you’re in the dog house I would like to a bit more. But since you’re sorry, I’ll make you a deal. I will pick some old Lunafly videos and for every cringe-y reaction, the more extreme the makeup gets.”

Sam thinks things through before kissing your forehead. “Let me make a dinner reservation and wash my face while you get set up.”

And so you quickly gather the makeup supplies in your spare room, which acted as your film studio. You load a few videos and by that time Sam is sitting beside you. “So I’m going to start with a little intro and then you can come in and say something if you want before we move to the first video,” you tell him, earning a nod in return.

You turn to the camera, checking the monitors to make sure everything looks good before starting to record. “Hey everyone, I want to start off by thanking everyone who sent birthday wishes. They all really meant a lot to me. Today I’m going to be doing something a little differently with my boyfriend,” you glance over at Sam, who sits in the seat beside you. “So Sam got himself into a bit of trouble recently and to make up for it, he’s acting as my model today. But since he’s so willing to remedy his mistake and is an all-around sweetheart, the catch is that depending on how he handles watching three Lunafly music videos is how extreme his makeup will get. Do you have anything you want to say before we start?”

“I already regret this,” Sam says with a laugh before you hit play so that How Nice Would It Be starts playing.

Almost immediately as the multiple whispers of “Lunafly” start does Sam make a face, but remains calm. He stays calm until he starts singing, then he seems to cringe a bit more. “Why did I think that hair was a good idea?” He says after a while. When the video concludes he proudly says, “That wasn’t so bad. Just us in the studio.”

“Had to give you and easy start,” you tease before starting Fly To Love.

“The cheesy graphics....the outfits....the yellow lipstick,” he whines softly now and then, but for the most part he softly sings along while swaying to the music. You can’t help the smile on your face at how cute he’s being.

When you play Special Guy, you can tell he has some mixed emotion, but he makes no comment. At the end of the video he comments about how many people had been involved. “To anyone watching that may have been involved, thank you,” he smiles.

“Alright, so you kept positive about all this, so I’m going to do a bit more of a male rock star look for you. So there will be darker, stronger eye makeup and maybe something to make the cheekbones stronger,” you inform Sam.

He gives a nod and lets you do your thing, talking to the camera about the products you’re using and what you’re doing. Occasionally the two of you will joke with one another about what you’re doing or how he looks. It doesn’t take long for you to finish and when Sam can finally look at himself he laughs. “I think I pull this off for the most part,” he grins, looking into the camera and checking different angles.

The two of you say a few parting words, thanking everyone for watching and reminding people to subscribe and check the links in the description for the products you used. Once the video camera is turned off, you get a few photos of Sam from the angles you want before taking a few goofy selfies.

“Am I allowed to take this off for our dinner?” Sam asks as he notes the time.

“Hmmm....I suppose,” you laugh. When he returns with a fresh face, he kisses your cheek. “That was fun.”

“I’m glad it was fun,” you kiss him as he takes your hand, leading you to his car to take you out for a magical night.

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

“at least the jury is still out on that one, so to speak”

so to speak is right, phoenix :T

-

“I WANTED TO KILL YOU. WAAHHHH”

ok rayfa. easy there.

-

aw. the dad is so strong that he cant even bear to see the murder brat sad. 

hdgdhfgh im gonna die he’s trying to cheer her up by acting like the bad guy

at the risk of sounding tumblry, phoenix wright is a cinnamon roll, to pure or whatever 

-

...is this kooraheen’s ‘happy people’?

.....i don't like it

-

ahlbi doesn’t get to be an assistant but he does get to carry all my unwanted crap!

-

“first the high priest, and then his disciple! maya fey will pay for this!”

ah yes, she’ll pay for killing off people we recently proved to be dangerous insurgents. 

-

WHOA OK GRAPHIC 

-

well ok there’s no possible way Maya could have killed him that night.

“they think she came down the stairs and stabbed him” yes in front of 200 praying people. no, they weren't looking up but probably the sound of a knife being driven into flesh and also footsteps may have alerted them???

-

rayfa wants to know how a time of death is determined, not for real... but because she wants to know what the idiot groundlings believe ?

either she’s an idiot and she doesn’t realize its completely legitimate, or the writers are still trying to make fun of religion via the “science and religion don't mix” joke which quite frankly is getting REALLY TIRESOME

-

ok... well I'm not scientific expert but doesn’t the body eventually reach a steady temperature? how could you determine how long the body took to cool down if it was cooled down for a long enough period of time? also, it was really cold on that mountain. 

something tells me this will be useful later.

-

again capcom, pointing out how unlikely your plot is doesnt make it better. it makes it worse.

-

“I will curse you and your disciples for eight generations!”

I'm pretty sure apollo and the series has already been cursed, mrs. inmee.

-

every time she kisses his picture i cry 

-

Zehlot arrived at the same time as Maya, but Mrs. Inmee is more inclined to believe that Maya is a murderer? I mean yes she supposedly killed off the other two, but jeez. Talk about favouritism. 

-

they let us check out the trash again... simply for a joke about phoenix digging through trash. I'm not sure how to feel about this.

-

katchu-dehmal, eh? Pokémon gonna sue 

-

hey um mrs. inmee

you've got a little something on your wrist...............

-

“Puhray always prayed a lot”

the terrible naming convention just makes that sound incredibly stupid

-

“She may say these terrible things, but it was just the way she was raised, I guess”

um... a lesson in tolerance i guess

-

“I didn’t know him very well”

you didnt know the guy you stayed with for two years?? man i guess Puhray really did pray the most.

-

i love that theyre mentioning ramen and burgers

and also that phoenix is offering to buy for maya

its the little things that make this game liveable 

-

everybody loves steel samurai!!!

-

“Whooops... its coming undone... WHOA!”

yes, it is indeed a very sexy picture. nice legs.

-

“tentacled hag frog”

what is this, last airbender??

-

“a spirit’s memory is cut off at the moment of death”

well of course. that’s how Mia was able to come to court knowing what was going on and being able to set phoenix on the right direction!

genius retcon there, guys. I guess that’s why Mia doesn’t make a comeback in this game :/

-

“helped neighbouring countries seek counsel”

actually thats an interesting callback to the original games where they state that before DL-6, Misty and Kurain village were famous for helping out people in high places. this i do not mind so much.

... though i doubt this would prevent you being invaded, Kooraheen. Also considering she mentions ‘keeping their unique culture’ as an aside to that fact, and the fact that a lot of this fictional country is based off of Tibet... Ouch.

-

“ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!!!”

hey, there’s that ol’ Khumerican spirit!

-

“so the queen can perform the dance of devotion? that’d be a sight to see”

Phoenix stop imaging the queen in a mini skirt.

-

“theres no reason to panic, the police are on his trail”

the police that let him run on foot out of a crowded courtroom. 

id say you can panic now.

-

in exchange for his visual youthfulness, phoenix has physically aged considerably.

meanwhile, Gregory Edgeworth was rocking major wrinkles at 35 and he was fit as a fiddle.

Oh Capcom, when will your beauty-based cruelty end??

-

are we legit going to search for Datz

-

ok now i rly wanna hear what a Warb’aad sounds like.

-

further proof that phoenix is a huge carnivore. i am pleased.

-

boy kooraheen isn't very accessible is it. stairs everywhere

-

i love that no matter where he is, phoenix is always buying food for children.

-

alright enough fun stuff. into the absurdly spacious sewer we go!

-

I'm legitimately laughing my ass off why is it so funny that Ahlbi didn’t know his dog could track scents????

-

AAA WE’RE IN

WE’RE IN A FUCKIN SEWER

IM YELLIN

-

...oh my god no... i stg... dont you dare 

OH GOD 

OHHH GOD 

fuck....

i dont know who’s stupider: the rebels or the police

-

he... can eat... an entire apple... that is half the size of his face... in one bite.

this, truly, is a man to be feared

ranger hobo, your new nickname is Potential Vore Machine

-

>phoenix likes apples

further proof he is a good boy

-

wow thats even worse

i thought they’d just put their base in the sewers, but no; their base is an OLD LAW OFFICE AKA THE FIRST PLACE YOU’D LOOK FOR LAWYER REBELS

again, not sure who’s stupider: the rebels, or the police?

-

“public enemy #1 is a lawyer? didnt see that coming”

clearly you expect more from this game, phoenix

-

“Im gonna sell out my best friend!”

>doubt

-

OH OK NEVER LOOK SURPRISED AGAIN CLOSE YOUR VORE MOUTH JESUS CHRIST

-

if he wasnt a rebel anymore he'd have kicked your ass since youre a lawyer, phoenix. its not that hard to put together that he’s lying. ...for some reason. 

-

LAME. YOU cant show him your badge??? bullshit.

-

fucking christ even when he whistles his mouth is larger than it should be. 

-

he really is rebel!larry isn’t he

-

so Dhurke has a power glare, huh? 

GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH, GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH, GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH

-

“is this a law book? the dragon’s mark has been branded onto the cover...”

pfffttt edgy 

-

hmm. must be a new law-book if the defence culpability act is in it, since if i remember correctly that law was only recently introduced.

-

i love that Dhurke’s shit is just everywhere in this stupid house

-

...no way is he actually doing to

i...

like

i can’t even say punk’d. Phoenix, why would you try on a jacket that once belonged to a rebel leader while inside a rebel base that you’re not even sure is friendly to you? 

like i 

sense of preservation just goes out the window at the idea of looking cool?? actually to be fair that kind of makes sense for Phoenix so 

phoenix you should take it home and get it dry-cleaned.

-

“hmm this is an old photo...” says phoenix looking at a photo that’s as bright and shiny as the day it was taken. also he correctly guesses that it was taken 20 years ago based on... what evidence??

actually if he actually acknowledged that thats OBVIOUSLY APOLLO THERE then he’d have an actual metric to go by but NOPE! just bullshit magic deductions!

-

yeah or Nahyuta’s pulling a long game and you assholes are too impatient 

i cant believe I'm defending sadmad :/

-

WAIT A SECOND. ARE YOU TELLING ME....... THAT KID WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE APOLLO....... IS APOLLO?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

-

somehow Datz carried Phoenix through a tiny trapdoor and into this room huh

-

yay psyche locks!

-

YES!!!! YEEEEES!!! I GOT TO PRESENT MY BADGE

Soj... you may not be... completely horrible.

-

yeah phoenix, he was going to stab you if he thought you were on the side of the Queen

feel even stupider about that jacket now?

-

“Keera was working with the government the whole time?!”

well i mean what other motivation would they have? even if they were doing it for religious reasons that still lines up with the government’s intentions. 

this whole thing has a blacklisting smell on it too.

-

“a lawyer killed the queen, so the public turned against lawyers”

if that was how things worked, America would loath actors. 

-

“why does he have to jump like that before running off”

cause he’s a cartoon character 

-

“Well I guess we’re friends now”

oh phoenix 

my lonely baby

-

also where the fuck is Shah’do? That dog is a better policeman than every official in Kooraheen.

and i love that nobody notices people entering and exiting a sewer in broad daylight.  

-

well that was exactly where i thought it was

-

WOW GOOD GOING PHOENIX YOU DUMBFUCK

“HURRRHH I THINK ILL GO FIDN TH  SOOPER SECRET REBEL BASE WITH THE FUCKING PRINCESS IN-TOW. GENIUS!!!!”

OH YES, AND THEN TELL HER EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. AND THEN LET HER COME INSIDE WITH YOU WITHOUT THE INTENT TO SHUT HER UP

BRILLIANT!!

PHOENIX WRIGHT, TRULY THE REBEL’S GREATEST ALLY.

-

ohhhhHHHHHhhhh

well well well well well well

this is interesting

-

“I think I’ll take a picture of this super secret rebel base”

hhhnnngghhhh

-

search every nook and cranny eh

-

“if the rebellion ever happens, i hope its bloodless”

while that’s sweet of you phoenix, you can count on it now, sincE YOU’VE REVEALED THE SOURCE OF THEIR WEAPONRY TO THE ENEMY

-

“What’s this? A bloodstain?”

Hope it is not Chris’ bloodstain...

-

CURSED NOISE

CURSED NOISE

TURN IT OFF!!!

-

this is where capcom hides characters they don’t like

Klavier is somehwere in this room....... festering

-

well we’ve come to the end of another investigation 

tbh I'm starting to get into the storyline, though it still doesn’t feel like an Ace Attorney game

it’s more like... it’s like someone took their Ace Attorney AU and made an entire game about it. It’s got some cool points to it, but all in all, it just doesn’t... fit, I guess?

Oh well. onto trial #2 and saving Maya’s butt once again

[everygame]

God of War (PlayStation Vita)

Developed/Published by: SCE Studio Santa Monica / Sony Computer Entertainment Released: 22nd March 2005 (original) Completed: 26th April 2018 Completion: Finished it. Trophies / Achievements: 78%

How’s THIS for some SEO, eh? Everyone’s talking about the latest dadsoft, and here I am reviewing, uh, the original game in the series that originally came out on PS2. And actually because I lazily release these, it’s been a couple of weeks since you were all talking about dad of war, so it’s not even like I’ve really managed to hit the zeitgeist on the head, unlike all those other times I did that (not that I can remember any.)

God of War, then. You know, this isn’t actually the first one of these I’ve played. I actually—many moons ago—played all the way through God of War: Chains of Olympus on PSP. I’m… fully unclear on how I had a copy of that, I think it was on fire sale at EB Games or something. My main memory of it is that I played it through on a plane journey—I feel like to E3, or something—and literally the only thing I remember about it is one large section where Kratos had to tediously push boxes about and thinking “is this really how the God of War spends his time.”

Actually, that’s not true. I also remember a bit where Kratos is, like… running through the grass and his daughter is there? I keep thinking I’ve fully mixed that up with Russell Crowe in Gladiator, tho. You know that bit, yeah?

So turns out I didn’t like Chains of Olympus. But then it turns out that I have a copy of God of War Collection for PlayStation Vita, and everyone’s talking about dad of war… so why not get the second (or third, or fourth, who knows) best thing???

The official verdict is that God of War is, you know, fine. It’s… fine. I mean, if I was reviewing it for a top game publication [“ahem”—Ed.] a top game publication that isn’t this one [“better”—Ed.] then I’d probably give it a horrendously bad review based on the fact that it’s been put in widescreen without literally any effort so all of the UI art is stretched into 16:9, and I’m vindictive and never honestly got over that so it deserves like 2/10 or something. But let’s pretend that isn’t a huge glaring flaw.

If I do that, well, God of War is… a product of its time. It’s very… I mean, look. David Jaffe, he of Twisted Metal and basically about as broey as a game developer can get (if you can be arsed, look him up; I can’t be bothered to recount here) was the game director, so it’s… broey. All the ladies have their boobs out, Kratos can have sex a bunch of times for experience after level one, and all the violence is totally over the top. I must say, though, that the violence isn’t as crazy as expected. I’m someone who couldn’t watch Kratos murder an elephant man in just the E3 presentation for… God of War III (I think?) so the fact that the only really grody bit of violence happens in like the first level is actually kind of surprising. And actually that bit is pretty cool because he impales a hydra on a ship mast and it’s suitably visceral. There are few other big “set piece” moments, which is surprising really for a series that I thought was all about them. Maybe I’ve been mistaken!

In fact, God of War is mostly about Kratos going to a temple and doing some of your usual Nathan Drake/Lara Croft style tomb raiding, just with a lot more crowd battles with combos and that. Almost the entire thing is set in the one temple (well, it feels like that at points) so it all feels really very small-scale, something that probably isn’t helped by how dated it looks now in a way that I’d say Japanese games of the era don’t. It might be something to do with the lighting, or the character designs, or something, but you don’t really have that sense of timelessness that I get with Yakuza or something.

Oh! Also the battle system is pretty pants, really. It doesn’t teach you anything very clearly, and lots of enemies block, so you’ll probably find yourself spamming magic to get through the most tedious parts, or just learning to live with “slash slash, dodge, clank clank dodge, clank clank slash dodge” forever. I mean maybe there’s a reason to launch enemies high, to do with how much they block or something, but I never learned it, so!

God of War is very much a video game that exists. It’s kind of like… the platonic ideal of what a North America-developed game in the mid-2000s was. Boobs and gore with half-baked puzzles and combat, graphics that were probably vaguely impressive but don’t hold up, and promising an epic adventure but confining you to a samey temple for most of it.

Oh and there’s a bit where you go to hell and it looks like Earache Extreme Metal Racing or something.

Will I ever play it again? Nope. You’ll have to find out if I continue with the franchise I guess!!!

Final Thought: I feel like Kratos does less block pushing in this than he does in Chains of Olympus, so I’ll say it’s better than that. But then… it does have a couple of stupid difficulty spikes relating to poor level design (such as “you have a timer, but you’ll only make it if you do it exactly right” which I hate.) So maybe it isn’t. Maybe I don’t care. It’s not like I’m recommending you play this.

[terryblount]

God Eater 3 Review: Low Effort Manic Monster Munchin’

I’d never played a God Eater before this third entry. I’d seen them on Steam, but they were all low-quality handheld console ports. Yuck! Finally, with God Eater 3, we have an entry developed for PC claiming high-quality visuals, fast-paced combat, and a serious story!

As someone who put 100+ hours into Monster Hunter World last year, I loved the idea of getting another dose of monster hunting fun, but does God Eater 3 deliver? Absolutely on the combat side; not really on the ‘everything else’ side. Let’s dive in.

Last Gen Called; It Wants Its Visuals Back

Let’s begin with the bad. God Eater 3 looks and feels like a last-gen game. I could have sworn this was a port from a 2012 or so PS3 game because it feels like the developers accidentally built the game for last-gen hardware specs.

Some scenes have decent graphics in still images, but the in-game details are quite poor.

This low fidelity feeling is especially unfortunate considering the series’ chief competitor delivered a next-gen visual showcase with 2018’s Monster Hunter World. Whoops!

Outdated & Repetitive Content

Apart from lacking visuals, the game’s content feels outdated, too. There’s only a handful of actual game environments. These are nothing more than glorified arenas without any creative twists or clever layouts. Again, this feels so much like the developers thought they were working with PS3 era memory limitations and crafted functional but boringly basic level designs.

Yes, this is an entire arena…a couple hallways and rooms.

God Eater 3 reminds me of Dragon Age 2. Anyone remember that game? It had a handful of lame arenas you’d play over and over again on a supposedly epic quest. God Eater 3 is exactly like this.

Time and time again the game will excitedly exclaim, “Look, an epic battle awaits!” What actually loads is the same exact arena you’ve played 20+ times. Seriously? Low effort!

This location is pretty cool…but I’ve seen it dozens and dozens of times.

Attempted Grand Story; Totally Tiny Presentation

The same lack of developer effort goes for the story. The game, to its credit, attempts to tell a proper story, with ups and downs, character growth, and emotional weightiness. The game even delves into some quite dark subject matters like human rights, indentured servitude, and outright slavery.

Everybody get in their places and pose for the camera, please!

I do think at the core of God Eater 3 is an appealing story of friendship and freedom that’s worth hearing out. Sure, the dialogue is all very basic and there’s no true exploration of the game’s serious themes. But at least there’s an attempt to build a logical, thought-provoking story and world. Kudos for that.

Sadly, God Eater 3 succumbs to the all-too-common low-budget storytelling pitfalls of tell, tell, tell and show basically nothing. The game ostensibly plays out across a fictional version of Europe, but it feels like a film shot in just a few set locations.

It’s almost laughable how many scenes involve your team standing dramatically across the same backdrops over and over despite supposedly traveling to all these grand locales.

There’s a big world map for the story, but there’s actually very few in-game environments.

This lack of quality presentation kills much of the story’s momentum. If you tell me there’s an epic battle before me, you need to show me an epic battle. If you say something really matters, you’d better not totally forget about it fifteen seconds after the cutscene ends. It feels…low effort!

Here’s a nice tea time cutscene. Too bad these events don’t get expanded upon…

Despite my misgivings, by the end I did care about the story and had grown fond of my ragtag group of former prisoners and oppressed people. I genuinely cared about building a future filled with freedom and peace for my friends. Moreover, the game’s got a very strong ending and nice epilogue.

Only one with the power to resonate may pilot this ship. Thankfully, I can resonate…engage!

The Gameplay Flow

This is the flow of the entire game: load into the tiny mission hub, listen to serious talk, accept an important mission, manage your gear, warp to a tiny arena, engage in a manic brawl, get your loot, maybe see a cutscene, and then get dumped ingloriously back at the tiny mission hub to repeat. It’s not terrible… just simplistic.

Ash Crawler Chrysanthemum: Home, Sweet Home

In regard to the mission hub, most of the between-mission gameplay takes place on your own mobile base, known as an Ash Crawler. There’s real Mass Effect vibes in how you can walk around and explore your crew’s living spaces, talking with them about recent events.

However, the quality of Mass Effect isn’t present. Most of the crew banter is very basic and not voiced, and there’s not much payoff for exploring your tiny base. Low effort base design, basically.

Chatting with some of my crew, discussing philosophy.

Even more unfortunately, often the game forces you to talk to specific people at your base before you can proceed on your next story mission. It would have been nice to have some marker telling you where they’re at instead of wandering around until you find them. A minor annoyance, though, since your base is quite small.

Hyper-Combat Mania!

So far I’ve given you a bunch of reasons to not play God Eater 3, but now it’s time to get to the game’s saving grace. Yes, God Eater 3 redeems itself thanks to its wild and epic combat!

I told you the combat is manic! See me doing some crazy flip while lights flash everywhere?!

Battles in God Eater 3 have a chaotic ultra-frenzied fever dream feel to them. Yes indeed, this game has brilliantly mad fighting. So fast, so furious. Monster Hunter World looks like a slow-motion creaking antique compared to God Eater 3’s hip, stylish, and light-speed stabby-slashy-crushy mayhem!

God Eater 3 versus Monster Hunter World feels very much like Sonic versus Mario from back in the day. On one side you have the meticulously polished Mario and Monster Hunter, but what Sonic and God Eater lack in quality they make up for with a cool and confident “gotta go fast” attitude!

I think I’m winning…wait: is that my lightning or the enemies? Oh well, keep smashing!

God Eater 3 will have you rushing, flipping, slashing, bursting, and linking at break-neck speeds. Jump, double-jump, zoom across the screen, panic as you flip through your items while two gigantic beasties rip you to shreds. The poor camera finds itself dragged about, bewildered, and woefully inadequate, but when combat is this crazy, you just go with it!

Thanks to the incredible versatility of the combat systems, there’s an unexpectedly addicting rush from one combat encounter to the next. A large part of the appeal comes from the countless ways to improve your play and try new things to go faster and kill better next time around.

You can break parts of the monsters for loot and fun! Pretty orange monster part particles!

Combat Gear & Fancy Moves

What makes combat so diverse? Let’s start with the fact you get both a main weapon and a ranged weapon, unlike Monster Hunter World. You also get to pick a shield type. Then you get to select dozens of unique Arts. Those Arts can be augmented and leveled up. And all your gear can have Skills (the equivalent of Monster Hunter World’s Jewels) installed on them.

Naturally, you can also craft and upgrade your gear using monster parts. There’s numerous upgrade trees and paths for each weapon, just like Monster Hunter. Then there’s the four elements, allowing you to have weapons on hand for every monster murdering occasion.

You get a lot of strange loot from each mission. It’s all a bit confusing at first.

Beyond your gear itself, there’s many more combat moves than you’ll find in Monster Hunter World. You’ll be side-stepping, lunging, and performing crazy aerial combat that feels very much like the Devil may Cry series, interestingly enough.

To put it another way, if you enjoyed the freedom of movement of Monster Hunter World’s semi-flying Insect Glaive weapon (my personal weapon of choice), this is what every weapon can feel like in God Eater 3. When you can quickly fly around the combat space, why ever go back to boring attacks on your feet? Ponder that one!

Here’s one of the nicest looking locations. I enjoy zooming around and seeing the sights.

It’s All About Speed-Eating Delicious Gods!

In God Eater 3 we’re all about eating (called devouring) gods (big monsters), and I choose to believe God Eater 3 is called such because it does the god eating three times as fast as other games!

Everything is designed to get you into combat as quick as possible. You can get a mission, get in the arena, and get to fighting within a minute of loading the game, which makes this game perfect for quick-fix gaming.

Load the game up, start devouring monsters, and do it all over again as fast as possible!

What also cuts down on the tedium this genre is often know for is the removal of all that boring hunting for monsters so common in that one series…what’s it called…oh yeah, Monster Hunter. Basically, God Eater 3 serves up the monsters right in front of you, so get devouring!

The combat does have some issues. Many monsters fly about the arena at too-fast speeds with annoying area of effect attacks that often cancel your commands. The targeting system is wonky, and the camera doesn’t help much either. Sometimes combat does devolve into button mashing, but skilled players will learn how to deftly deal with even the most seemingly unbalanced encounters.

So Many Confusing Systems

Another problematic element with the game overall is the over-implementation of strangely worded gameplay systems. You’ve got Burst Arts, Burst Arts Effects, Engage Mode, Link Bursts, Acceleration Triggers, Charge/Quick/Air Devours, and a bunch more systems. It took me a good 10 to 15 hours to finally come to grips with what in the world the game was babbling on about in regard to all this.

There’s a lot of gear to equip and terms to study. (Yes, my weapon is called “King Baboon.”)

Music & Sound

There’s some standout music tracks in God Eater 3. You know the problem with them? Here’s a hint: it’s the same problem with all the content in the game. Yep, repetition. The excellent tracks get played over and over for every emotional or victorious story scene. There’s just not enough variety.

Sound design is minimal. Like most of the development, the game gives you just enough sound effects during combat to make things feel semi-powerful, but there’s almost no environmental audio touches. Cutscene audio has the basic stuff like footsteps, clinks of swords, and bangs of bullets, but that’s about it. Passable but not passionate (the effort…it was low).

One of the many short cutscenes between battles. Clinky clank!

Smart AI Teammates & Multiplayer

One of God Eater 3’s best features is your actually intelligent AI teammates! Perhaps the developers didn’t get the memo: AI teammates are supposed to be stupid and infuriating, duh! Yet somehow this game never once frustrated me with dumb AI. If I was downed in battle, my AI teammates would always rush to rescue me.

Throughout the entire game my companions would heal me, buff me, and help me in every single battle. They’re even powerful and capable of killing many monsters by themselves. Any Monster Hunter World player will tell you your companion AI in that game is infuriatingly stupid, so score a huge point for God Eater 3! Massive kudos to the developers!

We’re all being very serious here…meditating on how best to devour more gods.

Besides AI teammates, you are able to engage in either story-based multiplayer missions or larger 8-player “assault” missions with matchmaking (AI will fill the empty slots, thankfully). Honestly, most people will want to play this game solo since the game already features robust AI teammates. But if you’ve got a good friend to play with, that’s always fun of course!

Technical Performance

On the bright side, this game runs like a champ. It was rock solid for me, with nearly perfect framerates. This is expected given the very dated visuals and lack of complicated rendering techniques, but it’s nice all the same to have a game run very well. So kudos to the developers for delivering a quality PC game with acceptable customization options.

Difficulty & Controls

You’ll probably find the game to be pretty easy if you’re an action game aficionado. I never once in my entire playthrough wiped (had to restart a mission). You get ranked for how efficiently you complete missions, and I probably triple-S ranked (the top rank) about 75% of the missions on my first try.

Just getting another SSS rank in 5 minutes or less. It’s pretty easy, really.

Granted, I’m a serious fan of the Devil may Cry style genre that God Eater 3 borrows heavily from, but I was surprised at the ease of progression compared to Monster Hunter World. In that game I wiped many, many times, so in a way God Eater 3 was a nice change of pace. I liked being able to breeze through the game without worrying about all the micro-management of items and gear, like in most Monster Hunter games.

The game is definitely designed for a controller. The mouse movement is very sensitive, and there’s far too many weird button combinations to make keyboard usage very friendly. Even the default bindings on the controller are a bit weird. Thankfully you can rebind just about everything. I’d recommend changing the guard button to something much less obnoxious.

Dude, Where’s the Armor?!

One very lacking element in God Eater 3 is armor crafting. In fact, there is zero armor crafting. There’s zero armor at all, to be precise. There is optional cosmetic clothing crafting, but these top/bottom items are a bit boring (realistic jackets, tank tops, cargo pants). It’s like you’re shopping at some trendy shopping mall…what is this?

Do you like my raincoat and oddly-taped cargo pants? I got them on sale!

The armor department is yet another way God Eater 3 proves how woefully deficient it is compared to Monster Hunter World. Where are all the awesome looking armor sets to prove how much of an elite hunter I am? Oh…I guess the developers couldn’t be bothered to implement all that…what’s the term I’m look for here? Oh yes, low effort!

Warning: Scantily Clad Girls & Large Breasts

Yes, God Eater 3 continues the dubious anime stereotype of scantily clad girls and jiggly boobs because clearly breast physics is an important development priority over more battle locations or monster armors, right? Methinks they’re pandering to the sexualized anime crowd.

Then there’s the captain of your ship, Hilda. She’s a very strong and smart and capable woman with great voice acting and good writing. Hilda’s basically classy and awesome, but the developers gave her enormous scantily clad breasts for some reason.

Hilda is an excellent character, but her visual design egregiously clashes with her persona.

To add insult to gravity-injury, they didn’t even give her a bra…and put her in an almost bursting top. Seriously, her breasts are so large she may need breast reduction surgery. A lot of people don’t realize the very serious health problems that come along with being in the extreme end of the breast-size bell curve. Maybe God Eater 3 is trying to raise awareness of the issue? Yeah…I’m sure that’s it…

Concluding: God Eater 3’s Target Audience?

God Eater 3 is the perfect case for discounted games. The developers have chosen to give us a content-limited, low effort version of a Monster Hunter game. All told it only took a little less than 30 hours to finish every mission and obtain the highest rank gear. That’s lightning-quick compared to other games in the genre.

Besides all that, they haven’t even reached current day graphical standards. Plus they reuse the same arenas and monsters over and over. Yet they have the audacity to charge full price. Nope!

You’ll be seeing a lot of monsters up close and personal. Over and over.

However, many Monster Hunter fans will absolutely love the ultra-fast change-of-pace from the more plodding and tedious Monster Hunter World. There’s a real scrappy charm to this sort of budget monster hunting experience. It’s a bit of a palette cleanser, letting you chomp up and devour a few gods here and there before returning to the real-deal Monster Hunter World experience.

The Final God-Eating Verdict

God Eater 3 is very much a guilty pleasure sort of game. I really did love playing it, even though the whole time I fully recognized how lacking and lackluster many of the elements are. There’s fun to be had here, and the story is compelling enough that I kept dreaming of what could have been if the developers had put as much energy into this game as Capcom put into Monster Hunter World.

I just devoured this god known as Anubis. He was quite delicious. Next!

When its rival series can deliver a full-fledged modern-generation, immerse evolution of the series, God Eater 3 is simply too limited, too aging, and too stuck in the past to compete. It’s a darn shame, too, because what the genre really needs is a merging of Monster Hunter World’s quality and expansiveness with God Eater 3’s story-building and hyper-fun combat.

Once God Eater 3 goes on sale for 75% off or so, then I’d say it’s a real value and worth your time. For now, it’s probably best to avoid paying such a high price for such a low effort production.

Addictive, manic combat

Smart, helpful AI teammates

Colorful cast of characters

Comfortable mission grind

So many weapons and skills

Lengthy story, many missions

Strong ending, nice epilogue

Technically solid, runs great

A scrappy charm to it all

Very repetitive gameplay

Not enough diverse locales

Locations are basic arenas

Every mission is the same

Lacks armor crafting

Reuses enemies too often

World needs show, not tell

Outdated visuals and design

Sexualized anime stuff

Playtime: 28 hours total. Nick blazed through the main story and every optional mission in 24 hours (not nonstop!). Another 4 hours was spent farming for the best end-game gear. And that was that!

Computer Specs: Windows 10 64-bit computer using an Intel i7-3930k CPU, 32GB of memory, and a nVidia GTX 980 Ti graphics card.

Also read the God Eater 3 PC Performance Analysis.

God Eater 3 Review: Low Effort Manic Monster Munchin’ published first on https://touchgen.tumblr.com/