#reading wrap-up: november 2018

[darknight3904]

Blessings

𝕊𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪: ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀᴍᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜰɪɢʜᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɴᴀᴏʏᴀ, ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴏᴀᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ʙɪᴛꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴘᴇᴀᴄᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴜɴɪᴠᴇʀꜱᴇ ɪꜱ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇɢᴜᴍɪ

𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: ᴍᴀᴊᴏʀ ᴊᴊᴋ ᴍᴀɴɢᴀ ꜱᴘᴏɪʟᴇʀꜱ. ᴄᴜʀꜱɪɴɢ. ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ/ᴋɪʟʟɪɴɢ. ʀᴇꜰᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇꜱ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇx. ᴏᴜᴛᴅᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴢᴇɴɪɴ ᴄʟᴀɴ ɪᴅᴇᴀʟꜱ

ɢᴏᴊᴏ x ᴢᴇɴɪɴ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 4ᴋ

ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴘᴀʀᴛ / ꜱᴇʀɪᴇꜱ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ /ᴍʏ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ

2018

November 9

"Thought you were dying there for a few hours." Shoko's voice says

The scent of cigarette smoke hits your nose as you try to get your barrings.

"I would never." You say, your voice is hoarse

"How're you feeling?" She asks passing you a glass of water

"Sore. I'll be fine though," You say gulping the water down greedily, "How long have I been asleep?"

"Not long I used my technique so you should be fine. You had a pretty bad concussion along with your stomach being torn open. Whoever stitched you up did a good job but that fight ruined it. ." She explains

You nod slowly and sit up.

"Oh, I have your phone, Naoya insisted you wouldn't need it when he picked you up." She says handing you a shoe box.

Sure enough, your phone sits inside and a few other items.

Nanami's cursed tool sits with what looks like half of the spotted tie he often wore.

Nanami! Naoya never mentioned him and with all the excitement at the estate, he hadn't crossed your mind.

"Shoko! Where's Nanami? He saved me from some sort of fire curse! Let me see him!" You demand trying to climb off the bed she had you on

Shoko places a warm hand on your shoulder and sits down next to you.

"Nanami died in Shibuya. Itadori saw it, he was killed by that cursed spirit Mahito." She says quietly

No...

It's alright

That couldn't possibly be your last interaction with him! Shoko was lying.

"Where's Satoru? He'll tell me the truth?" You say, angry that she'd lie

"He's still sealed. Whatever is inside Geto's body has him. Even if we were to get him back he's to remain sealed for collaborating on the Shibuya attack." Shoko says

Naoya had said something similar to you just days ago...

"I'm just saying what the higher-ups have said to all of us ok." Shoko sighs

Her face is a twisted mess of anger and sadness. Sometimes you forget how close Shoko was to Gojo, to Geto before his death last year.

"I'm sorry." You say

You're having a hard time believing all this, Nanami dead, Satoru, missing, sealed inside some box. Not to mention the aftermath of the fight with Naoya. You're pretty sure you can feel your bones creaking.

"I picked the tool up from where he died. The tie was actually wrapped around your fingers when you were brought to me." She says

He must've put it there. You swore he had the tie wrapped around his own hand like always when he pushed you out of the way.

Your tears feel like they're burning your face as you whisper your thanks for the box.

"You should get some rest at home. I healed you with my technique but your head was pretty bad, you probably won't feel the best for another couple of days." She says, "The rest of the report is there if you want it."

And then, she's gone, closing the door behind her with a soft tap.

Ijichi helps you sneak out of the school undetected. He claimed that reports were submitted to the higher-ups that Maki killed you in the Zenin massacre. That kept you safe for now but being on school grounds was still risky. If one of them came down to Shoko's lab they'd sense your cursed energy and then Yuta would be dispatched.

Your home feels empty without Satoru's loud voice and Megumi and Itadori's bickering about Human Earthworm. You spend the next few days reviewing various reports Shoko emails you. From the Culling Games from Kenjaku to Itadori's second 'death", it seems like you missed a lot.

November 11

The loud crash of a pan wakes you up. The clock on your bedside table reads 4pm, you must've fallen asleep reading again. Hushed whispers reach your ears.

Whoever the higher-ups sent to kill you, they were doing a shit job. Had Yuta lost his mind?

"Itadori! Pick it up! She hates it when we mess up the kitchen!" A voice commands

Megumi?

You immediately throw off your blankets, and any ideas of jumping out the window are gone from your mind.

You're practically tripping down the steps as you rush to the source of the noise.

"It's not my fault I swear!"

You finally reach the kitchen to see Itadori holding your favorite frying pan in one hand and rubbing the back of his neck with another. Megumi must've smacked him.

And then your eyes fall to the other person with them. Buried behind Megumi and Itadori's scrap over a pan is the girl you never thought would wake up.

"Tsumiki!" You gasp and immediately wrap your arms around her.

Her laugh warms your heart as she leans up from her wheelchair to hug back.

"What are you doing here?" You ask when you break apart

"She's part of the Culling Games. Itadori and I want to work to fix a rule that lets her leave. I brought her here since I thought she'd be safest with you." Megumi explains

"That's great but...getting involved with those games means killing others doesn't it?" You ask as you run a hand through Tsumiki's hair.

"Yes, but what other options do we have?" Itadori says

"Saving Tsumiki is our priority. Kenjaku will kill her if she doesn't participate." Megumi says

"Then you two can stay here with her. I can join them." You say, "You guys are still kids."

Sure they're extremely powerful kids. Sukunas vessel and the use of the Ten Shadows, but still kids.

"Children shouldn't have to do things like that." You say

Your words are reminding you of Nanami. He always said things like this, especially after Haibara died.

"No," Megumi says

No? Who did this kid think he was?

"Megumi, have you forgotten I'm the special grade here. Not to mention I literally have changed your bed sheets after you peed in the middle of the night." You say, "You're not in any position to tell me what to do."

Maybe you could embarrass him into staying home. Itadori lets out a snort but slaps his hand over his mouth when Megumi sends him a sharp look.

"You can't go because we'll need you later. We don't know what Kenjaku can do. If you go in there and fight you might lose, and we can't be missing any special grades. Without Gojo, we're going to need all our power as sorcerers." Megumi says

You hate that he's right. You still don't feel great after your fight with Naoya. You know it's not his technique, it's just you. Maybe it has to do with Nanami or Satoru.

"You're talking like an adult, clan leader." You smile and mockingly bow

"That's right! You're head of our family now, Megumi!" Tsumiki smiles

"I don't want it. I already told you that on the bus ride over here." Megumi scowls

"Dunno if you have a choice in that. Not that it matters though, The clans is dead. It's just us and Maki now." You say

"What?" Megumi asked

"Maki, she came to the estate and killed the Hei and the Kakuru. I haven't seen her since but I presume she's off mopping up the rest of the Zenins that weren't on Estate grounds at the time." You say

"What about your parents?" Tsumiki asks

April 2016

"Dead people are kind of gross, huh?"

"Just because he's dead doesn't mean you can make fun of him, Naoya." You say

"Why not? You hate him for engaging us. Besides any man that dies to a sickness isn't a real man." Naoya scoffs, "I don't ever plan to die like that."

"He had cancer, Naoya." You say

"So?" He asks

You roll your eyes and look over at your mother. She's spent her day greeting family members who have come to mourn your after. You haven't talked to her in years, you only knew that your father was dead thanks to Naoya.

"You are such a good-looking couple!" An older woman compliments her as she approaches.

You're not entirely sure who she is exactly. Just some nameless Zenin woman who has shriveled with time.

"Thank you." You say with a small smile.

This funeral has been unbearable so far, playing perfect fiance with Naoya has sucked your soul from your body.

"What's the long face for?"

"For fucks sake." Naoya curses as heavy arms come to rest on both your shoulders

"I mean I know it's a funeral and all but did anyone actually like the guy that died?"

The old woman scoffs and hobbles off, deterred by the one and only Satrou Gojo.

"What are you doing?" You ask

"Let go," Naoya says shoving his arm off

"Saving you love birds. Everyone hates when old relatives come up to make small talk. I know I do." He smiles

"No I mean, I left you in the car. Why are you in here?" You say, gently pushing his arm from your shoulder.

"I got bored. Plus Megumi stopped texting me back." Satrou says

"Of course he did. You're insufferable." Naoya says eyeing Satoru like he was some bug.

"Careful now, we don't want to get any blood on that nice outfit of yours." Satoru smiles

"Whatever. You have five minutes with your bitch. My dad wants to see us." Naoya says before stomping off somewhere.

"I'll kill him." Satoru smiles

"No, you won't." You say

After you successfully send Satoru back to the car, you bribed him with sex and a promise of kikufuku, you're free again. Your eyes fall to your mother again and this time she sees you. She smiles at you but you can't bring yourself to return it. There was nothing to smile about you were still trapped in an engagement a now-dead man had set up. Why did she even bother to still try with you?

"I don't care what happens to them. They're not my family." You say

"So you'll let me go? You're not going to tackle me the way you did that one time?" Megumi asks

"That was when you were eight, and wanted to wear your underwear on the outside of your pants because Satoru told you he'd take your bed away if you didn't. You almost went to the bus stop like that." You say

"Why was he even trying to take your bed away in the first place?" Itadori asked

"I didn't want to talk to him about Digimon." Megumi sighs

"Megumi, tell her why you're bringing me to her." Tsumiki says, nudging her baby brother's leg

"What? Why?" Megumi asks, his face a bit red

"It was cute." Tsumiki smiles

"Yeah, Fushiguro...tell her." Itadori cheekily says as he elbows Megumi

"Stop it, both of you." You say, "If he doesn't want to then he doesn't have to."

You smile to yourself as you listen to the way Megumi and Itadori talk to each other upstairs.

"We don't have to bring my things downstairs," Tsumiki says from the table

"Sure we do, I don't really want to have to carry you up the steps all the time." You say, "Besides, you'll get the hang of walking again soon. After all, Satrou's money pays for the best physical therapist we can find."

Tsumiki is quieter than normal but she seems happy enough to watch to prepare a simple dinner for everyone. It's a bit jarring that she hasn't made fun of Megumi yet or scolded him, but perhaps she was just happy to be out of her coma.

"Is this everything?" Megumi asks as he tosses extra clothes, blankets, and a few hair ties onto the couch.

"It looks good to me. Sit down, boys we're eating dinner." You say

"We have to get back to the school. Tengen, Yuki, and Choso will want an update." Megumi says

"You have to eat. What's Tengen going to serve? Socratic advice that makes no sense?" You ask

Megumi huffs in annoyance but sits down anyway.

"Teenagers. They're so full of attitude." You say to Itadori.

"Especially Fushiguro." Itadori laughs

"Tell me about it. He used to pout all the time when he was a kid. Always wanted things to go your way." You smile as you walk to the table

"That's Gojo's fault. He spoiled us." Megumi says

"True, he doesn't seem to have a frugal bone in his body." You say

December 2009

"Do you honestly think he'll like that?" You ask eyeing the expensive coat Gojo has just purchased.

"Tsumiki liked hers. Besides, Megumi needs a nicer one, the one he has is too small on his arms." He dismisses you

"Sure but..."

You glance down at all the many bags the white-haired man had accumulated over the past few hours. You had ended up at the mall with him after finding out how little the kids had in way of clothes and just possessions in general. You were all for Christmas shopping but Satoru was taking things pretty far.

"Alrighty...I think we went to every store." He says as the two of you step into a crowded elevator.

"You think?" You smile

"Are you mocking me?" He asks

"I'd never." You lie

You shuffle closer to him as people shift around to get out on their stop, but suddenly a sour smell fills the elevator. You look up at the sun-glass-wearing idiot to see a smirk on his face. He must've been the cause.

"Ah sorry about that everyone. She's feeling a bit gassy. Must've been the broccoli we had from Panda Express!" He announces

You're positively mortified as a man in a stylish suit shoots you a glare and steps away from you.

Gojo's cackling is so loud, you could probably hear it all the way back at the school where Nananmi was watching the kids.

"Don't you ever do that again, idiot!" You scold as your voice carries through the parking deck

"It's not my fault you let it out in an elevator of all places!" He laughs

"You're a liar!" You say, shoving his shoulder

"Careful! What if I dropped these bags? What would you tell the kids then?" He asks

"I'd tell them you're a man with a fancy credit card who can't hold his farts in when he's in public." You say

"And if I held it in? What if it builds up and explodes inside me?" He asks, totally serious

"Good, one less freak in the world." You huff

Gojo dramatically gasps and pretends to faint by leaning onto you.

"Get off! Your fat ass is crushing me! All those sweets must be adding up!"

It's not until you're back in the car that Gojo stops laughing about the elevator, even now, his giggles are breaking the silence.

"Do you actually think my ass has gotten fat?" He asks, "All the squats I've been doing must be paying off."

The nerve of this man.

Tsumiki looks so peaceful as you turn off the lights in the living room. It had been a challenge to get her out of the wheelchair but the relaxed look on her face now that she was asleep on the couch was well worth it.

You quietly tiptoe up the steps and knock on Megumi's door. There's a bit of shuffling followed by a "I can't believe you don't want to watch the Conjuring, Fushiguro." Before the door swings open.

"I just wanted to say goodnight." You say

"Goodnight!" Itadori calls from his place in Megumi's bed

"Goodnight," Megumi says

You smile at him and gently ruffle his hair.

"You're getting so tall. I wish you were little again. You were so cute!" You gush, thinking about Megumi's chubby face.

"Stop that, it's embarrassing." He says brushing his hand off your head.

You're ready to walk away and cuddle into your bed, the soft scent of Satoru's cologne on the sheets ready to lull you to sleep when Itadori speaks up.

"Have you ever seen Human Earthworm?" He asks

"Just the one we all saw at the theater a few months ago." You say

"Wanna watch the third one? Fushiguro doesn't want to but if you do then he has to, cuz' majority wins." He says

You think about it for a moment. While the movie wasn't exactly your taste, the lure of people to talk to was tempting. You weren't enjoying your solitude as much as you thought you would.

"Alright, I'll watch it with you two." You say, pretending like you had really thought it over.

"Yes!" Itadori cheers, "Fushiguro open Netflix!"

You spend the next hour melting your brain on the big bean bag Megumi has in his room. Itadori seemed overjoyed that you had outvoted him but now you were understanding why Megumi wasn't into these movies. They were just so odd!

"Hey, I think he's asleep, we can turn it off," Megumi says quietly

"Thank god." You whisper reaching for the remote, "I think I lost some brain cells."

You stand up and look down at the two teens who are in bed. Megumi is still awake and looking at you while Itadori is fast asleep, his arms wrapped around a stuffed T-Rex Satoru won in a claw machine for Megumi years ago.

"Hey Megumi..." You say

"What?" He asks

He follows your gaze to Itadori and understands exactly what you're saying with your eyes.

"We're just friends." He says quietly, looking at the sleeping pink-haired boy.

"I didn't even say anything!" You whisper

"Friends." Megumi insists, his face is dusted with a pink hue.

You don't miss the way he's avoiding your gaze, instead inspecting the blue of his duvet.

"Alright, alright. Just remember, Satoru will tease you way more than me." You say as you walk toward the door

"He's an idiot," Megumi says

"Oh trust me, I know."

You bid farewell to Megumi and Itadori early the next morning. Tsumiki is rubbing sleep from her eyes as she waves them off from the couch.

"Be safe." You say seriously

"We will! See you soon, Zenin-san!" Itadori waves as starts to walk off.

"So you know exactly where to bring her, right?" Megumi asks, "If it changes, Maki will come to tell you."

"I know, don't worry." You assure

"I'm just...trying to be cautious. I don't want anything going wrong." Megumi says

"You don't have to be. Itadori will have your back in there, and I'll be out here keeping her safe. I know that's why you brought her to me." You say, "Plus, if anything goes seriously wrong Maki can come to tell me and I'll join the game immediately."

"And if the higher-ups find out about you? They don't even know that Tsumiki is here, they think she's at Shoko's." He says

"They won't do anything. Yuta and Yuki are the only ones who would be sent out for me and he's already in the game and Yuki's with Tengen." You assure

"Okay," Megumi says

He seems a bit unsure as he turns to walk after his friend.

"Megumi, everything is going to work out." You say before quickly hugging him.

He's never been one for tons of physical affection, even when he was a kid he'd grimace at head pats or hugs. Of course, that might be because Satoru was the one who was overbearing with it.

You're a bit shocked when Megumi hugs back, normally he stiffly stands there like you've stabbed him in the stomach.

"I know. I just wish we could fast forward to everything being over." He admits

"Tell me about it." You say letting him go, "Satoru getting sealed has made everything more difficult."

Megumi nods in agreement and walks after Itadori.

"See you soon!" You call after them

You get a wide smile from Itadori and a wave from Megumi who says something to the pink-haired boy.

"He said your bathrobe is ugly!" Itadori yells

"Megumi! Get back here right now!" You yell, highly insulted.

November 16

"Are you sure you don't want me to enter with you? I don't mind." You say as you walk with Tsumiki towards the barrier

"It's alright." She says

You had spent the past week and a half with her, holed up at the house. She was rather quiet during that time but she had been sleeping for over a year, perhaps she just wasn't interested in talking your ears off like before.

"Zenin-san and I will be right outside. I'll be substituting for you." Ijichi says

"I still can't believe she chose you for that." You sigh

"I don't want you to get hurt." she says

Odd. Normally she's ready to praise you for your strength. She always found it cool that you were a special grade before she fell into her coma.

"Alright. I'll be right here though. Once you add your rule we can go get some food." You say

Tsumiki nods and sends you a small smile as the barrier swallows her up.

"Are you worried, Zenin-san?" Ijichi asks

"Yes. I'll get over it though. She's a smart girl and Megumi knows what he's doing. He's always been quite sure of himself." You say, "He reminds me of Satoru sometimes."

"I hope he doesn't turn out exactly like him," Ijichi says

"Tell me about it, the world can barely handle one as it is." You laugh

Megumi has always shined bright in your eyes. Sure, he was difficult when you first met him. Sullen, and always ready with a sharp-tongued insult to throw at you and Satoru, but he eventually mellowed out. Well, to you at least. You're sure once this Angel person frees Satoru they'll bicker again as soon as possible.

Perhaps you'll never fully understand Megumi as a person. He was level-headed at times and then at others, he could barely think straight. Even in his middle school days when you'd spend countless hours arguing with him about his bullying habits, you never got a full explanation from him on why he did what he did.

"Out little blessing"

Satoru was right. He was a blessing, even if he would be the cause of early gray hairs and stress wrinkles for you. And now, he was setting things up to keep his sister safe, putting his loved ones first, as he often did. Megumi never said it but you knew he loved his little family, his actions spoke for him.

"Spacing out?" Ijichi asks

"Just thinking about Megumi. He's grown so much." You sigh

"Well, he is 15. Teen boys tend to do that." He says

"I wasn't talking about how tall he's getting, Ijichi."

November 19

Dammit. How could you let this happen? Sukuna in Megumi. Some ancient sorceress taking over Tsumiki, getting her killed. This was all your fault. You let Megumi go into the games. You could've insisted he stay home. Maybe you could've figured out some way to separate Yoruzu from Tsumiki. Just maybe...you could've fought her, gotten Tsumiki's soul to respond...perhaps using your domain would've worked.

Everything was falling apart and you can't help but think you could've done something to stop it.

"Zenin-san!"

Panda.

"Ieiri-san is looking for you!" He says

You wipe at the stray tears that have accumulated in your waterline. There wasn't time to mourn. You'd bury Tsumiki later, for now, you had to focus on what was ahead.

"Are you ready?" Shoko asks, sunglasses in one hand, and a cigarette in the other.

You looked over at the one Itadori had introduced as Hana Kurusu, or well Angel as you liked to refer to her in your mind.

Just a few more minutes and he'd be back again. Satoru was coming home.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

I know, it's shorter than normal. I have to focus on my work for my college so this will have to tie everyone over for a little bit. I gotta lock-in I fear.

I will say this though:

Gojo returns in the next chapter hehe.

If you have something negative to say about this fic, don't hide as an anon in my messages. Better yet, just block me. Out of sight, out of mind. This is a message to the person/people who keep lurking and messaging me saying they don't like the fic. I'm not forcing you to read it. Just scroll away.

More to come. Comment to be tagged.

Tags:

@bakedpotato12

[wriothesleysgf]

FOR IF I AM NOT YOURS , WHAT AM I ?

— k. nanami.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ about — november 1st, 2018.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ notes — huge spoilers, major character death/injury, grieving, angst/ hurt.

you wished you told him not to go. you wished he wasn't so good at quelling your fears. you wished it was you in his place.

everything was in ruins after the shibuya incident. nobody knew exactly who survived, but there wasn't a sorcerer who hadn't lost somebody close to them. you had been split up from nanami, having shared a sweet goodbye. with your rct skills being above average, you were assigned to stay in the backlines alongside shoko.

no matter how much you tried to prepare yourself, you had to push yourself to work endlessly despite being in shock. the horrors were endless, and you couldn't help but let out a sob when the barely-breathing body of one of the students that you care so deeply about got brought in. this was the precise reason that you were against jujutsu students qualifying for grades. they'd be put in such dangerous situations. thoughts about how young nanami had sobbed in your arms after his best friend's untimely death flashed through your mind. you had no choice but to put all of these emotions aside, and do everything you could to ensure that the young girl got another shot at life.

you stayed there way past when the sun rose. shoko tried to convince you to take a break but to no avail. considering how closely the two of you had worked, with her being a third year when you joined jujutsu high, you could usually read her. however, you were too focused to notice that there was something she had to tell you. it took shoko forcing a cup of hot tea into your hands to get you to take a few minutes out and try to calm down.

"have you heard from the others?" you ask immediately, your hands shaking slightly. "what time is it?"

"it's 2pm." shoko replies. she's struggling to make eye contact with you, not wanting to be the one to tell you. "i..."

"nanami." you state. "he said he'd come by as soon as he can... is there still bad traffic around the stations?"

shoko finally looks at you. you already appear broken. your eyes are wide and glossy and you're still shaky. the dark circles under your eyes are becoming more and more prominent. something tells her that you already know deep down.

she says your name in an uncharacteristically soft tone. you drop the mug of tea, letting it spill all over your jeans and the broken porcelain shatter as it hit the hard ground.

"n... no..." you whisper. shoko comes towards you, pulling you into her arms— a wise move, because your knees give out. "how... who... what happened..." you choke out between sobs.

she manages to manoeuvre you towards a small room where you can be alone. there, she explains all of the details that were relayed to her. a knock at the door interrupts her, and shoko stands to see who's there. akari nitta comes in, and sits by your side. a simple nod from the brunette tells her what she needs to know, and she wraps an arm around you.

"he... he saved me, you know? i don't know if it makes you feel any better, but when nobara and i were alone, he looked after us." she begins to ramble, something that nitta always did when she was nervous. "i'm so, so sorry. he's a good man." she doesn't have the heart to speak about him in the past tense.

"do... was he alone? did he go in alone? after seeing you?"

nitta shakes her head. "he went in alone to meet with zen'in's group." you nod.

"he also met up with fushiguro and itadori. itadori was with him when..." shoko adds.

"is yuji okay? he's seen too much already..." you worry. both women couldn't help but feel their hearts ache. despite your own pain, you were concerned about itadori— no wonder nanami had fallen in love with you.

shoko nods. "okkotsu and fushiguro are with him."

everything in the room is quiet as you process it all. you find yourself fidgeting with the ring on your left hand. after a few moments, you could have sworn it shone for a second. you looked up to see the source of the light, but were met with none. somehow such a small occurrence made you feel more at ease. it was almost as if nanami was sending you a reminder that he's here with you, even after death. you recall the feeling of his embrace, the feeling of him wiping your tears with the soft pad of his thumb. your kento always knew how to make the most devastating moments feel lighter... yet those all felt like nothing compared to this new heartbreak.

© landausgf — please do not copy, translate, or repost any of my posts. this includes posting to wattpad / tiktok or other platforms

[dreamersbcll]

“Ink Blots”

for @krikeymate

3/5

——————————————————————————

May 19th, 2018

Dear Sam,

Two years. Two whole years. You got up and left. No surprise. I’m still where you left me.

Every day I wake up, and there’s five seconds of bliss before I remember. You’re there for a heartbeat, nothing more. I can almost feel your breath on my cheek and your hand brushing through my hair

I can picture it all. You are holding me, your chin buried into my shoulder. I am holding your hands as they wrap around me. It’s imprinted on my brain.

Amber tells me every day that I need to move on. That you’re long gone. That when you were here, you were never really here. It’s like a broken record.

Yet, She’s right in some ways. You always chose any other substance but me.

But I don’t want to admit that she’s right. She would take it and run. I love her, but she’s a little too intense sometimes. We’ve watched the Stab movies every night since you left like clockwork. I don’t get it.

Please come home. The back door is always open. I don’t lock my bedroom door anymore. You can slip in.

Love, Tara.

——

June 15th, 2018

Dear Samantha,

Formal right? I found your birth certificate and some other documents today. Well, Amber did. She looked through my shit earlier, claiming she “wanted to see if you took your personal information.”

Spoiler: you didn’t. But I don’t know why you would. I’m pretty sure just a driver’s license is needed to disappear.

Anyways, I put your shit into a box and hid it under the floorboards. You’ll find it one day, I’m sure.

I couldn’t find my information. Maybe I’m not a Carpenter. That would be something, huh? Being able to escape this hell family line.

A girl can dream.

Tara Carpenter (maybe).

——

September 27th, 2018

Dear Sam,

High school sucks. Sophomore year sucks. I hate this place.

I don’t want to do anything. I hate math. I’m not good at history. I can’t remember shit.

All the teachers give me looks. Looks of sympathy, disgust, suspicion. I think they recognize the family name. School wasn’t your thing, but it would’ve been nice if you didn’t fuck it up for me. I can barely keep up with the shit they throw at me.

The only one who’s forgiving me is my English teacher Ms. Smith. She has kind, gentle brown eyes, just like yours. Surprisingly, she’s the only teacher who believes in me.

We read books a lot. She helps mentor me in critical writing skills.

Who knows. Maybe I’ll write a book and make us famous, just like that Gale Weathers lady.

Tara

——

November 16th, 2018

Dear Sam,

Do you ever wonder if Mom was ever good? Did we make her this way?

Did I make her this way?

I’m so sick of cleaning up broken bottles and piles of puke. I’m so tired of watching her wither away right before my eyes. I can’t even save her. I can’t tell her to stop. I can’t get her to stop.

Begging and pleading never worked. Trust me; I’ve been trying it with you every night. I think God, or whatever deities I pray to, stopped listening years ago.

It’s strange. First, Dad leaves. Then you. And now Mom had her foot halfway out the door. Is it me? Do you all leave because of me?

What the hell did I do?

Confused, Tara.

——

December 14th, 2018

Dear Sam,

Sweet sixteen. Happy birthday to me. Not that you cared.

Mindy and Chad decorated my locker. Amber bought me flowers and a cake. Ms.Smith gave me a new journal. Mom went on a business trip to Singapore.

And… I’m sixteen. I have a handful of people that care. But they don’t matter. They don’t fucking matter.

I want you, Sammy. You promised to teach me how to drive. You promised to take me for my license. I’ve had to learn how to drive with Amber. And she’s taking me for my license tomorrow. Everything you were supposed to do.

But I suppose this is what you wanted. You would’ve come back if it wasn’t.

I hope wherever you are sucks. I hope you feel my disappointment and anger from here. I’m furious with you. I hate it.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Tara

——

January 1st, 2019

Dear Sam,

I’m drunk and I miss you and I wish you were here I wish you loved me I want you to love me come back come back come back

Love Tara

——

February 18th, 2019

Dear Sam,

I got picked for the school newspaper—advice column. I laughed in Ms. Smith’s face when she offered it to me.

Advice column. As if I would be the one to give advice. I can’t get anyone to stay.

Did you hear that Robbie Sullivan asked me on a date? I said yes. He never showed up to the theater. Amber was pissed. He came to school the next day with a broken arm and fractured ribs. He said some asshole attacked him.

Funny. Amber talked about a scene in the Stab franchise where someone gets ambushed and hurt. Seemed familiar.

Anyways. School is slow, and life is passing me by. Chad is a big-shot basketball player. I haven’t gone to a game. I can’t stand being in a room full of people and feeling so alone. Mindy is okay with it. She comes over sometimes to braid my hair and make my bed.

Everything is in slow motion. Time is passing, but not at all.

Do you feel that way?

Tara.

——

April 4th, 2019

Dear Sam,

I’m doing fine. I’m regaining all my strength and self-worth in record time. I brush my hair most days and even clean my room once a week.

I stopped going through the photos I kept under my bed. I feel no need to reflect on the past right now because that’s all I can do. There’s no future when I know you’re out there ignoring me.

Maybe even forgetting about me.

I joined a club. A book club. It’s nice just sitting there and letting people’s opinions swallow me whole. I can listen and nod, and everyone leaves me alone; because I’m not moping around anymore. Amber is happier anyways. She was so angry with me for being sad all the time.

Jokes on her; I’m still sad. But I can’t lose anything else anymore, so sadness is a wasted feeling. I can walk for hours in the darkness, stay up all night, pray, and it still wouldn’t matter.

You are still gone, and I am here. I might as well try.

Tara.

——

May 19th, 2019

Dear Sam,

Three years.

I don’t know if I have any tears left to cry for you. I’ve accepted that I’ll never see you again if you could help it.

I hope that once I’m out of this town, you come back, looking for me. And when I’m not there, you understand how it feels.

I try not to be mean. But this is what you wanted, isn’t it? An escape from me. You were leaving me before I could infect you with whatever darkness swirls inside me.

No explanation comes to my mind besides the one where you’re sick of me.

I don’t blame you. I get it.

Love, Tara.

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter forty three

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

november 22, 2018 san diego, california orion

A tiny body flopping on top of me wakes me up. It’s accompanied by happy squeals, and I recognize the weight digging into me with child-sized bony knees and elbows as Eri. 

“Eri! I told you! You have to knock!” Em yells after him, entering the room with her hand shielding her eyes. “Please tell me I don’t need to cover my eyes right now!”

I laugh, hearing Cal’s quiet chuckles into my hair behind me. I’m still decked out in a full sweatsuit and Calum is wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt while he’s wrapped around me. The thought of doing something intimate with him last night hadn’t even crossed my mind. I was too shocked and happy to simply be in his presence to think about that. 

“We are fully clothed, Em,” I announce, peeking over the fluffy comforter at my brother, who is smiling wickedly, a construction paper headband with a turkey on it falling off his head. 

“Happy Thanksgiving!” Eri shrieks far too close to my ear. 

“Happy Thanksgiving,” Calum and I mumble in sync.

I’d slept soundly last night for the first time in forever and actually feel rested this morning. I’m not in a bad mood whatsoever, but this wake up call isn’t my favorite. 

“Eri, do you and Em want to go get everything out and ready to go for cinnamon rolls? Cal and I will be down in a minute to help you,” I say, hoping to get Eri off of us and out of the room for a few moments. 

“Yeah! We can help, Emi!” Eri exclaims before he clambers off the bed to the doorway, grabbing Emelia’s hand to drag her out of the room. Em closes the door behind her. 

As I flip over to face Calum, his arm that’s draped over my waist tightens as I move. I sling my leg to hook over his and reach my hand up to cup his somewhat stubbly cheek. He’s sleepily smiling at me, his eyes droopy and smile faint. I feel my heart nearly fly away as it soars. Being back in this proximity to Calum, on good terms, feels better than I could’ve imagined. 

“Morning,” I say, immediately crashing my lips to his, completely unfazed by the likelihood of morning breath. 

He presses his body into mine, diminishing any sliver of air that was between us. His hand that was around my waist trails down, moving swiftly over my spine, lightly caressing my ass, and then stopping at my thigh that he squeezes. His lips move slowly against mine, pulling away to smile widely before he presses repeated, quick pecks against my mouth that send me into a fit of giggles.

“Good morning,” he finally says back, his brown eyes staring into my soul.

When I start to think about how nice it is to wake up next to him again, my eyes get teary. I’ve cried so much lately that I don’t want to cry now and ruin the moment, so I sniff and kiss Calum one more time while I try to make my eyes as dry as they should be.

“I believe chef Orion was requested in the kitchen,” Cal mutters against my lips and his thumb traces circles on my thigh. Even through my sweatpants, it gives me goosebumps. 

I pull back so he can see me roll my eyes. “Fine, I won’t kiss you after we’ve spent all that time apart. Guess you didn’t miss me.”

I pray that my joke lands and I didn’t just mess everything up.

Calum’s laughter fills the room, though, so I know I’m in the clear. “I missed you more than anything, baby.” He kisses me again, and then he throws the blankets off our bodies, exposing us to the colder air in the bedroom.

I groan loudly and curse him silently.

Calum gets out of bed swiftly and then scoops my frail body into his arms before I can stop him. We’re running down the stairs seconds later, our combined laughter and thudding footsteps surely wake up my moms if they weren’t already awake. When we get to the kitchen, they’re both already there, Mama helping Eri reach something from a tall upper cabinet and Emelia and Mom drinking mimosas and pointing at some piece of paper that I think is a recipe for something. 

“Here she is, Eri!” Mama exclaims excitedly, her eyebrows dancing as she wiggles them at me. 

“We have to make cinnamon rolls!” Eri demands. He has our old wooden rolling pin that belonged to our bisabuela before she passed away a few years ago. It’s now a mandatory tool to make our annual Thanksgiving Day cinnamon rolls. 

Calum sets me down finally, right next to Emelia, who’s already pouring two more mimosas for Calum and me. 

“Don’t worry, E, I know we have to make cinnamon rolls. I do it every year.” 

When I was younger, we’d just bought the canned Pillsbury cinnamon rolls at the store and ate those for breakfast every Thanksgiving. But, when I was a junior in high school, I started baking as a hobby and decided to try making them from scratch. Ever since then, I have had to make them from scratch for Thanksgiving because everyone else in the family would never forgive me if I didn’t. 

Emelia hands me my mimosa and I take a sip from it before I assess the state of the kitchen, trying to figure out what I need to do next. It looks like almost everything I need is out on the counters, including the laminated recipe card I made last year. 

Eri and I make the cinnamon rolls — his main job is helping me mix everything, which he still manages to make a very messy activity — while my moms get Emelia and Calum to help them with veggie chopping for dinner later. While the cinnamon rolls bake in the oven, I hear our front door open and voices flood the foyer. It’s my abuelo, my tío, and cousins. My tía had to work today despite the holiday, but she will probably come over later on if she can.

Once the other kids are here, Eri abandons his job in the kitchen, leaving it to just adults, which makes the whole thing feel far less chaotic. When my abuelo walks in, he simply lights up when he sees Calum. 

“Calum!” He nearly yells with surprise. “I didn’t think you’d be here today!” 

Cal looks to me with a smug smile before he walks to my abuelo to hug him. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, Abuelo.” 

After he hugs Calum, he hugs me. “La mejor sorpresa, mi estrella,” Abuelo whispers to me. “¿No lo sueltes otra vez, bien?”

“Nunca,” I whisper back to him, my eyes focused on Calum who’s smiling at me still.

My family catches up with Calum while I drink a mimosa that’s far more champagne than it is orange juice. I’ve mixed together the frosting for the rolls already and have cleaned up most of the mess caused by baking them from scratch with the help from Emelia.

As I look around the room, full of people I love, it washes over me. This could be my last Thanksgiving. I could never bake cinnamon rolls again. What if this is my last holiday ever? Will I even make it to Christmas? What will this look like next year without me, or the year after? Will our traditions continue on without me?

I don’t know if I want things to stay the same for everyone or for them all to completely change. 

I realize I’ve zoned out when the timer on the oven goes off and Emelia waves an oven mitt in front of my face. I thank her before I take it and the other one from its place on the counter and shut off the oven. 

Eri runs in the room at full speed. “Are they ready?”

I sigh. “They have to cool off, bud.” 

He pouts.

“I promise I’ll come get you when they’re done and you can pick the first one.” 

—

Hours later, we’re all outside around the table with full plate and mugs of mulled wine in front of the adults and hot chocolate in front of the kids. 

“Okay, you know the deal. One thing you’re thankful for and the best part of your year,” Mama calls out to everyone. She’s at the head of the table, with Mom at the other end. Abuelo, my cousins, and Eri are on one side of the table, and then Emelia, my tío and Calum are on the other with myself.

I knew this was coming, but I hadn’t really thought about it and now I have no idea how I’ll answer. My year was quite shitty. Thankful isn’t a word I’d use to describe any of my feelings right now. 

Abuelo goes first and says he’s thankful for the chance to be here with us all today and the best part of his year was watching Eri graduate from kindergarten. My cousins talk about their vacation to Florida and Eri talks about hanging out with Duke and Calum as his highlights. Mama says she’s thankful for family and her favorite part of the year was last night when Cal, Em and I were all here together with Eri. She said it was like having all her baby birds back in the nest. 

“I’m thankful to have a chance to spend time with my second family,” Emelia says. “And the best part of my year was probably when we got to celebrate Macy being cancer free.” I try to smile at her from two seats down but I’m sure the attempt isn’t believable. 

Calum is next, and he squeezes my hand under the table before he speaks. “The best part of my year was probably our tour send off party. So many of my favorite people gathered in our home in celebration of the tour,” he says and then he turns to me. “I’m most thankful for another day to spend with the love of my life.” 

It’s my turn. I should have more than bad things to say about my year. Cancer and the breakup have only been a few months worth of misery, but they feel all consuming. I try to hold back the bad parts and give the good ones a moment to shine. 

“I think the best part was celebrating Macy being cancer free, and I’m thankful that I get to be here with all of you today.” I don’t make eye contact with anyone while I say it, I stare down at the pattern on the antique china that we only use for holiday dinners. 

I study the pattern of florals while tío Ramón and my mom share their answers. I feel Cal’s eyes trained on me the whole time, and I’m fairly confident that he knows I’m trying not to be upset right now. 

I manage to make it through dinner without crying, but I don’t eat much. Calum sneakily takes the food from my plate that he knows I won’t eat and I’m glad he’s here to do it so no one can yell at me for not eating. My appetite is basically nonexistent. The mimosas from this morning and red wine from the dinner wear me down quickly, and my brain is warm and hazy by the time Calum and I curl up on the couch to watch football with Emelia. 

A stampede of tiny feet run into the living room with shrill laughter filling the air, and the little ones throw themselves onto the couch. I barely avoid the sharp elbows that Eri flings about while he flops on top of me for the second time today.

“Woah, bud!” Cal says, pulling my body closer to his so I’m not pinned down by my brother. “Let’s be more careful when you body slam someone. You could hurt them.” 

“Cal! Come play hide and seek with us!” Eri pleads. 

Emelia and Calum speak simultaneously in response. 

“Okay, bud, just for a little,” Cal says.

“Eri, Calum hasn’t seen your sister in months. I’ll come play with you,” Emelia offers. 

Emelia stands up quickly and runs away, making the kids all chase her to whichever room she’s gone to steer them away from us. There she goes again, being the best friend I don’t deserve. I’m grateful for the chance to be alone with Calum again. 

“What’s on your mind, O?” Cal asks when everyone is out of earshot. 

I debate brushing off the question or saying something totally different than what’s really on my mind, but I decide I’ve lied enough to Calum. He’s here because he wants to be here despite the bad shit that’s going on, so I have to tell the truth. 

I feel tears welling in my eyes before I look up to meet his gaze. “What if this is my last Thanksgiving?” 

Calum’s face falls, but he tries to keep his expression neutral. He fails. I could see the sadness in his eyes from a mile away.

“I don’t want you to think like that,” he says. “I know that you can’t help it and you will think like that, but honestly, my love, I’m really just happy we get to be together today.” 

He’s right. I think back to just yesterday when I was crying in bed because I missed him. Now he’s here and things are fine between us. Yesterday I was terrified that he wouldn’t want to come back to me if I called but today he’s here and he loves me and wants to put it all behind us.

The thing is, we can put our problems behind us, but the cancer has to stay right where it is. At the center of my life, and now, at the center of Calum’s.

I’ve been silently mulling things over in my head for too long, I realize, because Cal starts talking again. 

“Do you think everyone would be up for a beach sunset? If we leave in the next twenty minutes or so, we should be able to catch it.” 

I look up at him with still teary eyes, a small smile already forming on my lips. This. This is what I’ve needed. Calum by my side making things better in ways I couldn’t even come up with on my own. Somehow he always knows what to say. 

“Everyone’s been drinking a bit, do you think we’ll be able to get there?” I’m also uncertain of whether or not we should go through the hassle of rounding everyone up and getting them ready for the beach. 

“I’ve only had a couple of mimosas this morning, so I can drive one car. And then I think Ramón hasn’t had much to drink either since he’s gotta drive home tonight too. If you want to go, even if it’s just us, we should go.” 

“I don’t know, I don’t want to ruin anyone else’s plans,” I say, now avoiding looking Cal in the eyes. 

He’s not having it. He presses a kiss onto my forehead before he gets up and runs outside. 

“Gloria! Do you think we can get everyone rounded up to go to the beach in the next 15 minutes?!” I hear him yell, and I just shake my head.

I’ve missed him so much. 

20 minutes later, we’re all crammed into Emelia’s SUV and Ramón’s van, driving to the closest beach access. Calum boosts the mood even more by playing the High School Musical soundtrack and sings into an empty Coke bottle like it’s a microphone. Emelia and my moms in the backseat sing along with him and I find myself smiling like a fool. 

If this is my last Thanksgiving, I’m spending it with my family and I’m laughing, and I decide that’s as much as I can ask for. I don’t know what I could do to make it better than to not be sick. 

Emelia and I are sipping red wine from a thermos on the beach, sharing a blanket with Calum while the rest of the family splashes in the water, the hems of their pants getting wet but none of them seem to mind. I grab my phone from my pocket and pull it out, holding it in front of me on selfie mode. Em and Cal lean their heads in and smile for the picture. Emelia then rips it from my hands and leans away from me, making me pose with Calum for a picture of just the two of us. 

There’s some kind of weight that lifts from my heart as I look at the picture of the two of us smiling at the beach, together again at last. The sun shines golden on us and Em caught some of the pink and orange sky in the background. 

I don’t know what comes over me, and it probably has to do with the copious amounts of wine I’ve had today, but I open the Instagram app and switch my profile to public. My follower count climbs instantly as all of the people who’ve requested to follow me become followers by default. 

I don’t even edit the pictures before I’m making them into a carousel post. 

I refresh my notifications and watch them flood in, fan accounts immediately commenting profanities of shock and excitement.

“Holy shit,” Emelia breathes from beside me. She watched me make the post, but now she’s refreshing the post too, watching the notifications pour in in real time.

I look over and find Calum just grinning at me.

“What?” I ask, laughing slightly.

“I’m just really proud of you. I know you’ve been scared to do that for as long as I’ve known you.”

I roll my eyes and lean over to kiss his cheek, but when I go to settle back comfortably on the blanket, he grabs the back of my neck and kisses me on the lips, his grin pressing against mine.

—

@orion.seraphina: never had a love so strong and true ‘til i met these two. through the best and the worst. i could say more but i’ll shut up now bc you’re literally right next to me. ilysm @emeliabodelia and the loml @calumhood <3

p.s. hi world. welcome to my stagram! if ur mean i will block u!!!!! have fun creepin! 

Comments:

@emeliabodelia: oh my god i love you so much @cashtongirlie: OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING HOLY SHIT @macylacy: ORION WHST IS GOAING ON @5sosstan5ever: WHAT THE HELL ORION WENT PUBLIC SND THEYRE BACK TOGETHER @iloveketchup: i never thought the day would come that we could see a post from orion?! @orilumstan: I AM CRYING SOBBING THROWING UP BAWLING MY EYES OUT SCREAMING CONVULSING  @malikoa: the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen! i love you!!!!  @cakegirlie: ????? is this real life????????? @lukehemmings: so happy for you, o! miss you! <;3 @ashtonirwin: <3 three of my favorite humans @paulagarza: felicidades, bella!!! te echo de menos @5sosupdates: I SWEAR INMISSED A CHAPTER WHAT @calumhood: my angel, by your side is my favorite place. <3 te amo. @calumismybf: THIS HURTS BUT IM HAPPY FOR YOU

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[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Sussex Divorce Rumors

Well, we seem to be on #divorcewatch with Radar Online’s scoop that Harry and Meghan are “taking a break.” (Y’all remember who else said they were “on a break” before they broke up? Harry’s favorite TV show, and I’m pretty sure Meghan enjoys it too because I feel like we’ve read about it in her PR. I bet we can look forward to similar shenanigans in the PR war.)

(If you’re not familiar, on FRIENDS, Ross and Rachel decided to “take a break.” Rachel thought that to mean they were together but not going out. Ross thought it meant they had broken up so Ross dated someone else. Rachel found out Ross was dating and she flipped out, there was a big fight and it was a recurring theme throughout the rest of the series. I bet we’ll see similar accusations in War of the Sussexes.)

Anyway, I thought I would repost a wrap-up I did a few months ago of all the divorce rumors I’ve been tracking. See the original post here. (The original post also included divorce rumors about all the royals.) These rumors are through February 2023. I’ll update with rumors from March to the present soon.

The list is below the jump.

Sussexes to divorce before first anniversary. (Betting odds, May 2018)

Sussexes to divorce before third anniversary. (Betting odds, May 2018)

Sussexes to divorce before fifth anniversary. (Betting odds, May 2018)

The Sussex divorce will take place in wintertime, when it is snowing outside. Meghan will shock everyone with the announcement. Harry will be caught totally off-guard. (2019)

Megxit because Meghan threatened to leave and divorce Harry if he didn’t support her. (January 2020)

Harry’s diplomatic immunity as a Counselor of State will force California to send their divorce proceedings to London. Any of California’s laws dictating divorce proceedings or custody will not be applicable. (April 2021)

Harry to file for divorce or leave Meghan if his Counselor of State status is revoked because it conveys a certain diplomatic immunity that would invoke the State Department to move divorce proceedings to London. (April 2021)

Lili is a save-the-marriage baby. (June 2021)

Sussexes are secretly divorced. (November 2021)

Harry will return to the UK/BRF on the original half-in/half-out scheme after the divorce. (March 2022)

Harry left Meghan and bought an apartment in Turtle Bay, NYC, near the UN. He lives there full-time. (March 2022)

Secret Sussex visit to Windsor to initiate divorce proceedings. (April 2022)

Harry and/or the BRF to get full custody of the children after the divorce. (May 2022)

Harry will remarry and adopt more children after leaving Meghan. (May 2022)

Meghan to have a third marriage to a Saudi/Middle Eastern businessman and live quietly in the UK with shared custody of Archie and Lili after the divorce. No more children for her. (May 2022)

Harry and Meghan to divorce in 2025. (May 2022)

If Meghan leaves Harry and initiates the divorce, she will use Diana’s divorce timeline. (June 2022)

Harry will give up titles received for the wedding before the divorce so Meghan cannot use the titles post-divorce. (June 2022)

Harry will leave Meghan and blame it on a mental health crisis. (June 2022)

Meghan will leave Harry and blame it on his insulting/attacking the US Constitution. She will use the divorce announcement/timing to announce political candidacy or other political aspirations. (July 2022)

Meghan to appear on the cover of US Vogue as a condition of the divorce settlement. (August 2022)

Meghan will sell her private journals from royal days for profit after the divorce. (August 2022)

Meghan has moved out of Montecito and into the Beverly Hills Hotel to be with her new boyfriend. (August 2022)

Meghan’s new boyfriend is wealthy, connected, and white. (August 2022)

Meghan does not want custody of the children but will fight for it in the divorce. (August 2022)

Meghan moved back into the Montecito Mansion to create the illusion of a single mom with a playboy husband, who only has her mother for support, for her divorce narrative. (August 2022)

Meghan will work with Sunshine Sachs to tear Harry down the moment the Sussex divorce is public. (August 2022)

Meghan and Harry separated, on the way to a 2023 divorce. Harry travels frequently to the UK when it’s not his time with the children to re-establish domicile for custody fight. (August 2022)

Charles to accept Harry back into the firm as a full-time working royal after the divorce. (September 2022)

Meghan threatened to leave Harry if she was uninvited or sidelined during the Queen’s funeral. That’s why he was demanding she travel to Balmoral with him. (September 2022)

Sussex divorce to be handled in England. Meghan will be represented by a bulldog American lawyer. It will be similar to the Paul McCartney/Heather Mills divorce - as acrimoniously and with Meghan doing some kind of stunt that backfires. (September 2022)

Harry to leave Meghan by the end of 2022 in response to his stripped status at The Queen’s funeral. (September 2022)

Harry to get full physical and legal custody of the children in the divorce and live in Frogmore Cottage with them. (September 2022)

Harry to leave Meghan between October 15, 2022, - November 14, 2022. (September 2022)

Meghan’s threat in The Cut about not signing NDAs and having journals was a threat to Harry to stop him from leaving her, not the BRF. (September 2022)

Meghan to publish her own memoir about Harry post-divorce. (September 2022)

Sussexes had a private meeting with Charles while in London for Queen’s funeral to negotiate terms of the divorce, including timing and announcement. (September 2022)

Harry to physically, mentally, and publicly leave Meghan to return to the BRF by October 31, 2022. (September 2022)

Meghan will give an exclusive Oprah-like interview but not to Oprah, in which she pops off about “her truth” and how the BRF mistreated her during the jubilee, The Queen’s funeral, and Charles’s coronation. This will cause Harry to leave her. (September 2022)

Charles will not accept Harry back into the firm at all after a divorce. (September 2022)

Sussexes to divorce after Netflix and PRH book obligations end. (September 2022)

Meghan is cheating with a married man and wants to leave Harry for him but the new partner has said he doesn’t want a future with Meghan and it’s just a fun affair for him. (October 2022)

Sussexes to divorce by March 2023. (October 2022)

Sussexes have begun divorce proceedings and have formally separated. (October 2022)

If Harry returns to the UK without Meghan and divorces her, then Charles will pay back the remainder of the PRH book advances and sort out financial/legal troubles with Netflix. (October 2022)

A Sussex scandal will precede Harry’s divorce announcement. Both the scandal and the announcement will catch Meghan off-guard. (October 2022)

Harry and Meghan are separated. Harry will spend Christmas at Sandringham with the BRF. (October 2022)

Meghan to launch a PR war against Harry for leaving her at Christmastime. (October 2022)

Meghan and Harry have been separated since August 2021; Harry lives in San Francisco. (October 2022)

Harry left Meghan and lives with Eugenie in Portugal. (November 2022)

Harry went into involuntary rehab after a drug- and alcohol-fueled fight with Meghan following The Queen’s funeral and his public “demotion.” Courts forced them to separate and they are not allowed to live together. Charles will pay Meghan a huge settlement when they finally divorce to keep the court details sealed/private. (November 2022)

Sussex divorce announcement on or by December 17, 2022.

Sussex divorce announcement on or by January 23, 2023.

Charles/the BRF will influence Harry’s terms of the divorce settlement: they will allow Harry to return and have his IPP/security detail back, but he will not be a working royal and kept out of the public eye under very strict parameters. Meghan’s access to the BRF will be cut off and any attempt at a compromise that sees her coming back to London or attending royal events will kick Harry out of both the firm and Britain, and the BRF will take custody of the children. (November 2022)

Sussex divorce by March 2023. (November 2022)

Divorce/separation negotiations are going poorly and Meghan is lashing out via Kerry Kennedy’s criticism and the Kennedy Do-Good award. (November 2022)

Pictures of Archie on a Zoom call were leaked with Meghan’s authorization and indicate that she and Harry are separated, because Harry is the only one who demands and expects the children’s privacy. (November 2022)

Meghan has tapes, audio and video, of Harry being wildly drunk and/or abusive, which will come out in the divorce. Divorce will be acrimonious and messy like the Heard/Depp divorce. (December 2022)

Harry suspending his press lawsuits signals that the divorce is imminent and he is moving back to London. (December 2022)

Harry and Meghan to divorce when the money runs out and they cannot make profitable multi-million dollar deals anymore. (December 2022)

Meghan to leave and divorce Harry when America turns on her. (December 2022)

Sussex divorce announcement to come on the eve of Charles’s coronation, overshadowing the weekend. (December 2022)

The BRF intends to prove/accuse Harry and Meghan as unfit parents to take custody of the children during divorce proceedings. (December 2022)

Doria will testify on Meghan’s behalf about the children’s custody during divorce proceedings to help Meghan win custody; however, the court will question Doria’s absence from Meghan’s childhood and uncover something that will undermine her credibility, which tanks Meghan’s case for custody. (December 2022)

Meghan to leave Harry and use Spare as evidence/justification. (January 2023)

Meghan to file for divorce citing irreconcilable differences. (January 2023)

Sussex divorce to be epic, on par with War of the Wales. (January 2023)

Sussex divorce to begin after Harry’s book tour obligations end. (January 2023)

Harry has a pre-separation agreement in place with Meghan that protects him from all business arrangements and debts made during the marriage in return for silence on certain topics. (January 2023)

Meghan to announce the divorce after William and Kate announce a fourth pregnancy or birth of a fourth child. (January 2023)

Sussex divorce announcement between February 19, 2023, - March 21, 2023. (January 2023)

Sussex divorce to take place in California so Meghan can keep primary custody of the children and earn monthly alimony/child support from the BRF. (January 2023)

Meghan has created an extravagant life in Montecito so when she divorces Harry, she can argue to the court that the children have an exceptional standard of living, which the court will require Harry/the BRF to maintain with alimony/child support payments equivalent to current standard. (January 2023)

Meghan and/or the BRF to use Harry’s admissions of drug and alcohol abuse in Spare and the promo tour against him during the divorce and custody proceedings. (January 2023)

Harry to be placed under a 5150/conservatorship due to his addiction and other issues by the BRF or Meghan in divorce proceedings to show he is unfit for custody. (January 2023)

Sussex terms of divorce to include an agreement that anything of Diana’s (including trust money and jewelry) will automatically go towards the children and cannot be used or accessed by Meghan. (January 2023)

Harry’s dirt from California will start leaking in March as a precursor to the divorce. Meghan will be the one leaking and use it as threats to get what she wants. (January 2023)

Harry to have a catfish scandal on Instagram after divorcing Meghan. (January 2023)

Charles will give Meghan $50 million and generous child support to divorce Harry and return him to London. (January 2023)

Dirt on Meghan’s use of surrogates will be revealed during divorce proceedings. (January 2023)

Charles to be implicated in the cover-up of the Sussexes’ use of a surrogate and he will abdicate or be forced to step back in the fallout. (January 2023)

Sussex divorce in November 2023 (January 2023)

Meghan’s “revenge dress” moment will be related to the Hollywood awards season. (January 2023)

Meghan has a sex tape on the dark web, which will be published/leaked to the “regular” web during the divorce. (January 2023)

Harry will remarry in 2030 - 2031. Meghan will be a non-issue and won’t bother with his new wife. (January 2023)

Security camera footage of Meghan mistreating Charlotte exists and will be leaked during divorce proceedings, causing her to lose custody. (January 2023)

Meghan and Harry have been separated since late 2022. (January 2023)

Sussex divorce between June 2023 and September 2023. (February 2023)

Meghan and Harry are currently legally separated and “will they/won’t they” about the coronation is to keep news of the separation from going public. (February 2023)

[theinquisitxor]

October 2023 Reading Wrap-Up

In the month of October I only read six books, which is not many for me, but I had a busy month with classes and a short trip. I read two audiobooks and four physical books. I enjoyed everything I read this month, and got to some new releases that I've been looking forward to.

1.A Conjuring of Light (Shades of Magic 3) by VE Schwab, 3.5/5 stars. I read this mostly on audio and completed my reread of the series. While I enjoyed the series more when I first read it back in 2018, it was still fun to revisit the series and remember all that happened. The floating market remains one of my favorite scenes/moments in a fantasy book, and I'm glad I took the time to reread this. Portal fantasy

2.Tiamat's Wrath (The Expanse 8) by James SA Corey, 4/5 stars. I'm finally almost done with the expanse series, and this book has been one of my favorites of the series. It had me turning the page wanting to know what happens next, and I've been enjoying the last plotline of this series. I'm really looking forward to the final book. Science-fiction.

3.The Chalice of the Gods (Percy Jackson and the Olympians 6) by Rick Riordian, 4/5 stars. This book was 100% just hype for the tv show, but was very fun and cute to read. It was nice seeing Percy, Annabeth, and Grover in a lower-stakes setting. This felt more like a novella instead of a novel, but was a fun nostalgia read. Middle grade fantasy

4.A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid, 4/5 stars. This is Ava Reid's first young adult book, and I was looking forward to it as it promises a dark academia fairy tale. I really enjoyed several aspects of this novel: the setting, the ambiance, the fairy lore. This definitely felt like an Ava Reid book, and touches on many similar themes as her other novels. Reid is an author that I plan to keep reading. YA fantasy.

5.The Fragile Threads of Power (Threads of Power 1) by VE Schwab, 4.5/5 stars. I’m always worried that continuation series are just going to repeat the original series, but this gave a fresh new plot while still retaining what makes the Shades of Magic special. We spend a lot of time with the characters from SoM, but we are introduced to a few new characters who are great to follow and get to know. I flew through the second half of this book, and this book felt like it was setting up a lot for the next books (even though it is almost 700 pages). Adult high fantasy.

5.The Alloy of Law (Mistborn 4) by Brandon Sanderson, 4/5 stars. I wasn't sure if I wanted to try reading the second-era Mistborn series, but I decided to give this a go on audio, and I'm very glad I decided to give it a try. This was super fun and entertaining, and different from a lot of the other stuff I read. It's a sort of fantasy crime thriller. I would recommend the audiobook. Fantasy.

That's it for October! I was hoping to get through two more books this month, but I'll have to finish them up in November. See below for my November tbr.

November tbr:

The Hollow Places by T Kingfisher (holdover from Oct)

Shadows of Self by Brandon Sanderson (holdover from Oct)

The Bands of Mourning by Brandon Sanderson (audiobook)

The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater (reread on audio)

Starling House by Alix E Harrow

Steelstriker by Marie Lu

Leviathan Falls by James SA Corey (Expanse 10)

Murtang (Inheritance Cycle book 5) by Christopher Paolini

(possibly Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros, if I feel like continuing with the series)

[writingquestionsanswered]

How long is a normal length of time to work on an outline? (Sorry this kinda turned into a ramble) I decided to actually sit down and outline a novel I started in 2018 but dropped, mainly because I had no idea where I was going with it. During the pandemic, I discovered the wonder of actually outlining and sticking to a schedule-ish, and I managed to write a couple of short novels. Now, to myself, I call these "practice novels". They're not that good, but I needed something to practice with so I took really old stories I had discarded and just wrote them down, I had the time and needed something to write. Now, I wrote a short novel in January-March last year that came out really good, maybe the best I've written so far, and in November I started a sequel and finished it a little over a month ago. It also came out really nice. Now, it's normal for me to start thinking of my next project when I'm about to wrap up the one I'm currently working on, and this time I decided I was going to work on this 2018 project. It's also normal for me to take some time off to cool down when I just finished something, reread and revise, and basically get some rest before I get in the mood to write again. Now, a friend of mine has been asking repeatedly why haven't I written in so long and if something had happened. She even recommended me some books to get me inspired again. And honestly? I don't really feel in the mood to write yet, and I feel like my outline is still incomplete. I'm doing research and taking my time to properly develop the characters and the story. I already had a go with this one once and dropped it. This time I want to do it right, I don't want to rush it, I really like the story and the characters and want to make the best I can out of it. I kinda feel pressured by this friend but I also feel like I should just follow my gut and prepare the way I feel best.

Spending a While in the Pre-Write Phase

Every writer is different, and every project is different, so there's no right or wrong amount of time to spend outlining your story or in the pre-write phase in general. The only potential definition of "too long" there is would be spending so long outlining/in pre-write that you never actually write the story.

"Percolating" and Practice Matter

If you're not quite ready to work on this story because you feel the ideas need more time to percolate, that's absolutely fine. You should trust your gut on that and not friends who are pressuring you to write. But if you're not actively engaging in the pre-write phase of this story... for example, outlining, world building, developing characters, etc., it might at least be worth considering doing some writing prompts to exercise your writing brain in the meantime. Writing is a lot like bike riding in that you won't forget how to do it if you don't do it for a long time, but the required muscles lose their strength just a little bit. So things like reading, journaling, and doing writing prompts are some good ways to keep those writing muscles engaged. And you can even do writing prompts related to the story you're outlining, too. The first nine suggestions in Getting Unstuck: Motivation Beyond Mood Boards & Playlists has some story-related prompts you can try out. Getting Excited About Your Story Again has some other story-related prompts that are fun and can help you flesh out your characters and setting in surprising ways.

It's Okay to Politely Tell Writer Friends to Chill

All relationships take work, even relationships with writer friends, and those can be particularly prickly because part of being writer friends is to help motivate one another, but there can be a delicate line between motivating and nagging. Sometimes people don't realize they're crossing that line. So when you feel like a writer friend is putting pressure on you, don't be afraid to say, "Hey, I really appreciate your support and the motivation you give me, but right now I'm focusing on taking a little break to clear my head and let this old story percolate a bit before I start working on it."

I hope that helps! ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[recurring-polynya]

part 22 | ao3 | ff.net |

Summary:  He's a easy-going tattoo artist with a love for sunglasses and a talent for drawing skeletons. She's a high-powered finance executive with a neurotic brother and an amazing sportscar. In another universe, they're undead soldiers fighting in a war for the fate of reality. In this one, they're just two doofuses trying to make it to Rukia's tattoo appointment without falling head over heels for one another.

Starring: Rukia, Renji, and an extensive peanut gallery.

Rating: Teen, for language and general, low-grade horniness

This time: Rukia gets her tattoo.

And...that's it! It's a wrap! If you were waiting for it to be finished to read it (or perhaps...leave a kudos?), now is your time!

Bonus small personal story below the cut that contains a minor spoiler for part 21, if you haven't read it yet.

I've told sort of bits and pieces of this story, but I thought I would put it all together for posterity.

I don't use Instagram very much, but what I do use it for is checking out potential tattoo artists when I'm in the market. During the opera subplot of this fanfic, when I was brainstorming for outfit ideas, I discovered the wonderful account lastnightatthemet which provided a lot of inspiration and general register-setting. However, at one point, I had hopped on Instagram to look for opera outfits, and I scrolled past some posts from the artist who did my first tattoo, back in 2018. He has a bunch of flash designs up, including one of a little bluebird that absolutely stole my heart. Despite absolutely not needing a fourth tattoo, I...needed it. So I emailed, and it turned out, he is a busy man, and I managed to snag an appointment for...next March.

I didn't love waiting that long (this was late October), but I figured it would give me a thing to look forward to. But then on a Sunday in the middle of November, I got a phone call-- he'd had a cancellation, could I come in that Tuesday morning? Of course I could.

I need to emphasize that this did not inspire the cancellation that happens in the story. That's been in my outline since, like, last July. But I was basically at the last few chapters of this story, and so I ended up getting my tattoo and then immediately writing the chapter where Rukia gets hers, which is why it is so stupidly detailed.

I am so grateful to my own wonderful tattoo guy, who both put me a fantastic lil birb friend on my shoulder and very cheerfully answered a bunch of stupid questions about the tattooing process. For the record, my tatt has been healing up wonderfully, it never even peeled. That Saniderm is magical stuff.

[midnight-star-world]

#CountryMusic

Jason Aldean - Highway Desperado

So today on the MSR (Midnight Star Review), I would like to talk about the latest album from Country Music Superstar Jason Aldean. The new album is titled "Highway Desperado" and was released on Friday November 3rd, 2023. But before we talk about the 14 track album, let's take a look at the career of Jason for a bit.

Jason has had a lot of success on the Country Music Charts with such hits like "If I didn't love you" with Carrie Underwood, "Got what I got", & "Burnin' it down". And you may also remember songs such as "She's Country", "Dirt road anthem", & "You make it easy". And also on my MSR (Midnight Star Review), Jason had scored 11 total number ones on my weekly list. MSR combines both CMT (Country Music Television), the Billboard Country Music Airplay Charts, & even myself. And the list used to include GAC (Great American Country) until that list officially retired at the end of 2018. Now let's talk about some of the highlights from this new project up next.

The lead single from the project was the hit "Try that in a small town", & the title track "Highway desperado" which is a stand out track from the project as well. Other songs you should take a listen to are "Tough crowd", "Hungover in a hotel", & "Whiskey drink". Also check out "Get away from you", & "Changing bars". The songs along with "Highway desperado" that in my opinion are the standouts include "Whose rearview", "Rather watch you", & "Breakup breakdown". Jason co-wrote 3 out of 14 tracks, and even had help from David Lee Murphy as well. Here is the rest of the track list now.

Track list.

Tough crowd.

Let your boys be country.

Knew you'd come around.

Hungover in a hotel.

Try that in a small town.

Whiskey drink.

Whose rearview.

I'm over you.

Rather watch you.

Breakup breakdown.

Get away from you.

Changing bars.

From this beer on.

Highway desperado.

And that's a wrap for the track list. And on the MSR (Midnight Star Review), I would give this new album a 5 out of 5 stars. There are a lot of good tracks on this project including a different sounding song like "From this beer on". If you are a Jason Aldean fan, Don't let what his wife thinks affect how you feel about him. And I know being married to someone you sometimes have to take their sides even though you may not always agree with them. But you do that for love. Jason is still putting good music out there. And his song "Try that in a small town" is not a racist song or video. People need to really listen to the lyric or watch the video in full before making their opinions. And really don't let others make opinions for you. You are your own person. You have the right to make your own choice. You be you!!! Thanks for taking the time to read this review. See ya all next time.

[insecateur]

2022 fic wrap-up!

Here it is, my 2022 fic wrap-up! I'll divide it in three parts: general rambling about writing, month-by-month discussion of what I wrote in more detail, and a conclusion about what I'd like to get done this year a.k.a. 2023!

(I wrote so much I'm sorry.)

   

General Thoughts and Rambling about Writing

I've had multiple times when I'd say I stopped writing. I wrote a lot when I was younger, both fic and original, always in my native language (French.) I also roleplayed a fair amount. Back in 2011, after a very bad time in my life, I stopped writing. My last attempts were roleplaying posts; I think by that time I hadn't written fic in over a year. 

For a little while, I focused on drawing exclusively. I even created an original webcomic that's currently discontinued. Then, in 2013, Pokémon X&Y came out–

I'd planned to write posts about my main X&Y fic series on Tumblr, but only wrote one and then never got around to writing the rest. I still want to, though! It probably covers most of what I'd want to say already, so I'll be brief: I got back into writing fic in 2013, for Pokémon X&Y, in English this time, and then lost steam the next year for a variety of reasons. I got back into writing again in 2015-2016, writing more or less exclusively for myself without sharing it except on dreamwidth and password-locked blogs. At the time, I think I felt self-conscious about posting fic on AO3 that I didn't think was "up to par," not to mention I felt guilty about my lingering WIP...

In late 2017, I got into a brand new fandom, Yakuza, and for the first time in four years started to focus my creative energy in something that wasn't Pokémon X&Y. I still thought about it a lot (Lysandre especially) but I was able to get into new ships that I was excited about for reasons that weren't "this reminds me of my ultimate blorbos." In 2018, I started working on a Yakuza fic that I then gave up on, until (encouraged by one of my friends) I got back into working on it in 2020.

I don't know what did it; I'd guess it was having someone who could cheer me on and who was also a writer, maybe, but in 2020 I really started finding pleasure in writing again. I finished the fic around the end of the year and got very sweet feedback (which I was surprised about because the topic of the fic isn't something I expected people to care about haha.) I was itching to write more but I was also kind of exhausted. I figured maybe this was going to be my fanfiction swan song, which I was pretty happy about, honestly. I still think it's a pretty good fic.

Then, in 2021, Pokémon Masters EX grabbed me by the throat–

It felt kind of eye-opening. It felt like I was back in 2013/early 2014 and suddenly I was fueled by the raw power of OTP. I reread my unfinished WIP, that I'd continued further from what was posted on AO3, and thought: I can finish this. Not only that, but I can make what I've already written better. It doesn't matter that it's been almost eight years, it doesn't matter if nobody cares to read it. I can do this, for me.

And I did!

Not only that, but it kickstarted me into getting back into writing for real. I posted the finished, rewritten (in parts) version of the fic in November (I promise I'll talk about this in more detail soon,) and then in December I posted another fic about them. Which then brings us to, of course, what this post is actually supposed to be about: 2022.

   

What I Wrote in 2022 (And Other Considerations)

I started out still riding that high from having finished my long fic, and posted two fics related to it in January, turning it into a series:

* The Pangs of Disprized Love: This one is an outsider POV taking place between two of the later So Long as We Can Say chapters. It was really fun to write, despite the subject matter! The last SLaWCS chapter is actually probably my favorite, as a post-canon aficionado, so getting to write more of that was a treat.

* And With Your Hands Your Hearts: This one is a more or less direct sequel. A marriage proposal... How corny. It felt like what the characters needed after everything they'd gone through, though. I had very strong mental images for this one and I'm still pretty happy with the result.

After that, I got to work on the sequel to Et Surtout Mourir de Langueur, the first part of my mutual pining saga. At the time, I ran into two issues:

— I was embarrassed by the idea of writing and posting smut on AO3. (Yes, this seems insane to me too now.)

— I was worried people would be put off by me writing Lysandre as submissive more "aggressively." (As in, actually making it clear that was what I was going for, and not just implying it.)

Because of this, I started getting writer's block, and found myself stalling after deciding to actually include explicit scenes in (what would become) Le Bien l'Ennemi du Mieux. But something very special would happen to me that month...

Indeed, February is the month I came to know Noah a.k.a. @jonphaedrus. Which seems both so long ago and way too little time. I will refrain from gushing and just say that had we not met, I might have never started posting E-rated works to AO3 and I might have even given up on writing that second mutual pining fic. So there.

Thus, in March, thanks to Noah (and Grey!)'s support, I finished and posted:

* Le Bien l'Ennemi du Mieux: They continue pining, but this time they fuck explicitly. A lot. Way too much if you ask me. The romantic tension does not resolve in this fic and did not resolve period in 2022 but it will in 2023 I promise.

My SLaWCS energy had not left me however, and so after taking a short break I started work on a direct sequel to And With Your Hands Your Hearts, where I'd explore Augustine and Lysandre's backstories at last. This quickly became a multi-chapter project, which I was anxious about because SLaWCS (the original fic) had been my only successful attempt at that, but the fact that I had been successful once – and now had support from a fellow prfr appreciator and author – helped carry me to victory.

So, in May, I successfully published:

* Wisely and Slow: Definitely one of my favorites from the year. A three chapters story about dealing with your demons and finding a new place to belong to in the world. I could talk more about it but I won't... for now. This is the last (plot-relevant) SLaWCS story I've posted so far; the next one is going to be the wedding one and I'm SO excited to work on it. SOON.

Taking a break from longer fic writing, I wrote this treat for Noah:

* That Give Delight and Hurt (Not): I feel like this was the first step toward me going full self-indulgent when it comes to publishing smut. It still has feelings, but there's no pretense of a plot, just two characters engaging in D/s fun. It was my first time posting actual PWP on AO3... emotional...

In June, struck by a sudden bout of inspiration at the very end of a challenge from a Discord server I was in, I wrote 20k in a week:

* Perfect as a Statue, Unadorned: A Xerosic/Lysandre fic where Lysandre is a robot. It's also one of my favorites from this year! Very underrated imo. It's long, it's an AU, it's for a rarepair... so I'm not really surprised, but I do wish more people would give it a try. Oh well.

And then, finally embracing my id fully, I wrote and shared what is probably still the most unhinged thing I've written in 2022:

* All in a Day’s Work: Also known as "Rocket Lysandre free use" which tells you all you need to know. Truly just pure bottom Lysandre PWP. I think about the tag "I Want That Pokémon Villain Obliterated" regularly. I originally wasn't even planning on posting it but doing that freed me from any kind of worry about what I was "allowed" to post on my AO3, because nothing else can come close to it. Also very underrated imo but not for the same reasons LMFAO.

I was slowly getting into the habit of writing regularly, so in July I decided to try my hand at writing short fics/ficlets based on prompts I found or that were sent to me. This way, I successfully wrote five ficlets:

* Phototaxis, Show Off, The Precious Time That We Have, Then We Shall Need Each Other & Aspectabund

I also participated in BDSM Exchange, with a fic! Which was my first time writing fic for an exchange – before that, I'd only done art.

* Viens Me Libérer de Mon Sommeil (Je Suis à Ta Merci): An OT3 (Diantha/Sycamore/Lysandre) fic for Noah! It has all of our favorite things: D/s, Lysandre getting run over, BDSM therapy... I nearly finished it in time for frenchflagshipping day, too, but missed it by three days. Alas.

Powered by pure hubris, in August, I decided to try my hand at Writer's Month... and couldn't pull it off (in parts because I got very, very sick mid-way through.) I'm not going to link all of my fics for that separately (they span from August to December) but I will namedrop a few I especially like. Otherwise, you can check them all out in my series! (Shout-out to the series-within-a-series specifically for the bodyswap storyline, too. I'll finish it in 2023! I swear!)

My favorites from August were:

* My (M37) friend (M32?) keeps alienating everyone we know with the way he presents his opinions: Absolute classic. A reddit post parody. I'd still like to write a sequel/spin-off someday.

* A Comedown of Revolving Doors: Kind of a weird one; I just caught a vibe and followed it without being completely sure where I was going with it. I do enjoy the result though.

* It’s a Mechanical Bull, the Number One: Bottom Dom content for the soul. I still think this one was very big-brained of me. Also the title does not get old.

* Hit Me With the Way They’re Flaunted: It sure is over 3k about Lysandre getting his tits tortured/played with. What else can I say.

August was also the month we started posting courage is the most foolish thing in the world a.k.a. roleswap! I am not involved in the writing (as in, I don't write it; I am definitely involved in the ideas and concepts) but I couldn't not give it a shout-out. 

For September, I'll cite this one:

* Something in Your Head You’ve Been Fighting All Along: It's cakeverse. I found out about cakeverse completely randomly and have not stopped thinking about it ever since. I'll probably write and/or draw some more at some point... It's still at the back of my mind.

I also participated in another fic challenge: to write an AU fic of no more than 5k words. It turned out a lot more difficult than I expected; I apparently do not do well with max word counts. Still, I managed to post:

* From the Throat, I’m Tied to You: A very horny soulmate AU. I just decided to write the kind of soulmates I'd like to see in fic, heh. Despite how hard it was for me to get the words out, I do enjoy the result, and it was fun to work on!

In November, I posted a fic for the exchange Fic In A Box! I feel like I've already talked about this one a lot LOL, so I won't get too into it.

* do let the old enmity be: A recursive fic for Noah's main prfr series. It's all in-universe stuff, and probably the most fun I had working on a fic this year. I was very pleased to see so many people enjoy it!

I also kept working on my late Writer's Month prompts, and my favorite for that month is obvious:

* Let Your Backbone Slide: My first time writing trans porn... finally, I can put what I want to see into the world (Dom trans/cis sub, in case that wasn't clear.) I like this one a lot, tbh. I'd like to write a sequel/related fic sometime soon.

Finally, the last month of the year: December! My end of the year was really busy. I had a lot on my mind. Still, I managed to post a few more Writer's Month fills and one very special fic:

* De nouvelles saveurs: My last fic of 2023! And it's in French! It's 12k words of flirting via baking croissants. Before writing a short thing for my FIAB fill, I hadn't written in French in over a decade... so it was an interesting experience. I am pretty happy with the result though! The croissants (quaso) got baked and that truly is all that matters. 

I'll finish this off by giving a quick shout-out to the old fics I posted throughout the year. These are the fics I wrote back in 2016, as mentioned in the introduction of this post. Noah slowly encouraged me to post them on AO3, even the ones I was the most embarrassed about. Since they've all been backdated, I don't remember the exact month (of 2022) they were posted on, so I'll just give them to you in their original chronological order:

* Fighting With My Weak Hand: A post-canon story about Lysandre trying to earn forgiveness. (Yes, it was already my shit in 2016.)

* Status Symbol: Car sex.

* A Lesson in Self-Control: Omorashi. 

* This Is the Finest Game, It Ain’t Even Got a Name: Spy AU. Very self-indulgent.

* Midas Touch: Lysandre doesn't masturbate. Augustine investigates.

* Give Me Fire, Burning Hell: My original soulmate AU.

Phew. Okay, now that that's all out of the way–

   

What 2023 Has In Store (Hopefully)

I have a lot of WIPs.

See, at the beginning of 2022, I told myself I'd only have one WIP at a time. That way, I could focus on one thing, and get things done at a good pace. Unfortunately, as I began writing more and more, and chatting with Noah about ideas, I started listening to the devil on my shoulder telling me I could just work on multiple things at once.

...and I could! At the end of the day, "a lot of WIPs" isn't actually even that many WIPs. Still, I have a bunch of stuff I'd like to get done in 2023, writing-wise:

— I have an unfinished SLaWCS smut spin-off that's like two scenes away from being done and has been for months. I really need to get back on that.

— I have, of course, part 3 of my mutual pining series. I'm nearly 10k into that and Arceus knows how long it'll get. But I'll finish it this year for sure!

— I have the few prompts left from my Writer's Month, most of which I have ideas for if I haven't already started them. I will complete it this year (and not give the prompt list for this year a try, I'm sorry–)

— I have a few challenge fics I started and never finished that I might or might not go back to. (One I'm fairly confident I can finish; the other I have no idea where to go with so it might stay unfinished forever. Maybe I'll share what I have at some point.)

— I want to write in French more!!

— And, last but not least, I'm desperate to write more SLaWCS. I want them to get married!! I spent most of the latter half of 2022 writing shorter fics, and I really want to get back to longer works. I want to drop 60k of wedding planning that only five people will read. This is all I need to stay alive.

As for the rest... I'm still itching to participate in exchanges and other fandom events, so I have plans in that vein, but I don't want to give it away too early. I'm very grateful for the support I've gotten this year, no matter the content... Thank you for all your comments, asks, tags, kudos... I wouldn't have written this much without you! I don't know if I can aim for more than I did in 2022, but I'd like to keep at it, at least. 

So here's to another year of Pokémon fics... and art! If you've read this whole thing, thank you, too! I appreciate it! 🙏

[askfallenroyalty]

hi! i’m (relatively) new to this blog, reading on webtoons. i looked through the tags and i’m wondering what the “goodbye epilogue” is? also there are some other characters (the other fallen humans?) who are in the header and seem to have mini comic(s?) of their own. where can i read those? or are they gonna be part of the redraw? sorry for all the questions i just love the story you’re telling heheh

// oh gosh be careful there's a ton of spoilers there asdfkljasldf but firstly: THANK YOU FOR READING! Makes me so happy to see people read my story and want more of it.

// ok so, the redraw (which is the webtoons/tapas/comicfury versions) is the definitive way to read the story. but it's going to take years to get the story fully redrawn

// the story originally was started in 2018 (February), but i didn't take it seriously and cancelled it after (in the redraw's comic order) mid chapter 3 because too many characters were in play and i got overwhelmed. but, once DR came out (October) I got re-inspired and continued in 2019 with a time skip.

Years later, here we are, the Tumblr version is almost over (epilogue has one more ask day, then a comic to wrap it up) That's like, chapters 3-7. Quite a big chunk of the story that hasn't been covered in the redraw. Some of that I feel was mishandled and needs to be fixed, so the redraw's purpose is to both fill in the missing gaps from the missing Chapter 3 and then the sections that I feel need to be re-written.

reading the tumblr AFR version is like reading a novel with missing pages. I'm in the process of refilling those pages, but that'll take years to do so. so while you can read it, I'd recommend just being patient ^_^; I'll be back in November with more comic updates.

If you still want to read the messy tumblr version, here's a link to the pinned post that covers how to read the comic.

best wishes in reading the comic ^_^

[zeniblesstsu]

So, I haven’t wrote in a long time although I do enjoy writing. I started this and I feel really good about it. Plus having more support will encourage me to write more so if you chose to read it, then welcome!

A few disclaimers to being with:

I am very much American and have no clue what they do over there. This is all pretty much made up.

I like constructive criticism, but plz be nice. I am sensitive. I just a baby T.T

I don’t have an editor and I am horrible at grammar. Please forgive me. There will be mistakes.

This takes place after their tour in 2018, and I’m making up the timeline as I go along so none of this is really what happened irl.

I don’t own any 5sos members, their family, or anyone else that tied to them irl! But the rest of the characters scattered in this book are mine. Please don’t steal them, they are my babies.

Now, with all that said, please enjoy! And let me know if you’d like to see more.

-zeni

Cherry 🍒 | a.i

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

How did we end up here?

“Ash is my best friend. I can’t ruin what we have. If you hadn’t said anything we wouldn’t be here in the first place. Just please keep your mouth shut. About everything.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Chapter 1:

November 20th, 2018

Spring

“If these walls could talk…” my hums bounce off the empty walls around me. “Cause we’d fall from grace…” the speaker blasting at it’s max, vibrating the windows, and definitely annoying my neighbors. I can’t help it though. Listening to his band was my guilty pleasure even if my name hasn’t fallen from his lips since the day he left. The text stop coming roughly a year later. What can one do when her bestie for restie becomes a world wide hit?

“Alright! That’s the last of the boxes! Where- can- turn that shit down!” Stells yelled over the music. A simple scoff bubbles up as I turn it down.

“Sorry, habit.” I take the boxes from her hands and set them in kitchen. Kass Stella is a classmate that I immediately clicked with in college. Now here we are, best friends and moving in together. Rent is to high to live alone these days.

“It’s okay babe. I know you miss him. It’s hard seeing your best friend move on without you. That’s why I’m here.” Her arm wraps around my shoulder, while her brown eyes land on my phone screen that shows the Youngblood album, and a very grown up Ashton.

“No, you’re wrong. It’s pretty easy. His mates just sing damn good.” I shrug causing her arm to fall. “Now, help me set up the living room.” I laugh while tossing a decorative pillow at her face. Stells grunts and does just what I ask.

Before to long the kitchen and living room are done and looking good. “Great! Now we can go our separate ways and get our things in order! See yah!” The girl disappears into her room, quickly turning on her own music. Even though we both know she loves the band just as much as I do. I follow suit, finally playing something different.

After a few hours of getting things put up, my phone chimes. I get up from my crop circle of clutter to check it. “How’s unpacking going? Xoxo mom.” My mom is so sweet and always caring. She did a lot for me and my older sister, no thanks to my father. I quickly ring her.

“Hey baby, how’s it going?” Her sweet accent floods my brain. “Hi mum! It goes. I have a lot of stuff yeah?” I pick at some books on the floor. “I told you to get rid of some that stuff!” She laughs. “But it’s out of my house now so I don’t have much of a say.”

“Nah, not anymore. Plus this cool super hero outfit that I definitely cannot wear anymore, is gold.” It was shoved in the box with some of my things. The red crumpled cape peeked out from under some heavy books.

“You and Ash used to play for weeks in those. I’m surprised it isn’t soiled.” She made a noise of disgust. The memories of us running around saving, really torturing, poor Dandelion, my cat, from the bad guys played in my mind. The red underwear he’d wear on the outside of his clothes would always cause fits of laughter between us. He thought it was cool while I would always blush because it was his undies.

“Yeah well good thing laundry sauce exists.” I giggle. My sister and I have always called laundry detergent that. I’m not to sure why.

“Haha! Well speaking of the devil. He is supposed to be home soon. I was having lunch with Anne and she said he was coming home. For a bit at least. Something about a new album and taking time. Who knows.” My breath catches in my throat. It’s been almost 5 years since we have seen each other. Crazy how we have avoided each other all these years, but he claimed to be busy. That’s okay though, he was building a future for himself while I was stuck here. In this quaint town, I did nothing for myself but yearn for a past I was afraid I’d never get back. I mean after years of fame and money, it can change you. I watch the interviews and the live streams, he doesn’t seem to have changed all that much.

Though, I have to ask myself, how much of that is just for the camera’s?

“Oh! I bet Harry and Lauren are excited.” My voice was small as I still processed it all.

“Realynn, dear. You can not hide from the poor boy anymore. He asks for you every time he is home.” So maybe I have been the one avoiding him. How can I face this stranger who shares the same features as my Ashton? Especially when girls throw themselves at him and his friends day in and day out, all year round.

“I-I know… I w-won’t.” I curse myself for stuttering.

“Rea. That’s a lie and we both know it. If the stutter didn’t give it away, you being short with me did. Do not hide in that apartment till he leaves again. You’ll only hurt yourself more. Plus, I’ll tell him where you’re living now.” Her voice has a playful twinge behind her words, but I knew she meant every one of them.

“You know, you wouldn’t ever know I was lying had Juliet never told on me every time I lied to you. Which just so happened to be the only time in my life that I stuttered.” My voice was strong again now that we were off the topic of Ash.

“Oh dear, I’m your mother. I would have figured it out with or without Juliet.” She laughs and I can picture the crows feet at the corner of her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah.” I simply laugh, happy that she is happy. It was a bit of a challenge for me to move out. It’s always just been me, mom, and my sister. Once my sister moved out, I felt like it was finally my time to leave the nest. That was way harder said than done though. With rent, and my insufferable daddy issues, I had a hard time getting things together to leave. But thanks to Stells, and a promise from mom to call everyday, we got our own place.

“Well, I was just checking in sweetheart. I’ll let you get back to your things. I love you!”

“I love you too, mum. See you soon.” With that I hang up, hearing the slow beeps of a dead line. I set my phone back down and step over the miscellaneous things in my floor. Once I’m settled back in, I continue to go through my books.

Eventually all my books are neatly stacked on the book shelve, that I am pretty proud of. All my small knick-knacks are in their place and now all that was left were my clothes. I get up to grab a handful shirts that were already folded, putting them in there respective drawer. Once that’s done I heard my phone chime once more.

My eye rolls and I laugh. My mom was always a worrier, I’d just have to call her again and reassure her I’m okay. Quickly, though, my smile was wiped clean off my face as I read the name that read across my screen.

“Can wait to see you ;)” -Ash

[fonkeloog]

no idea who that loui tumilson bloke is but i see you being excited about him and im excited with you girl

okay. This might get long, because there’s so much to talk about. So I’m just going to put a read more thingy after the introduction. Buckle up cause I’m about to infodump before I dive into why i love him so much:

Who is Louis Tomlinson?

You mentioned that “he makes music and hes somehow related to that one direction harry guy everyones obsessed with lately for no good reason” And that might be the most accurate description I’ve seen. 

They are related to eachother in at least one way. Both Louis and Harry were part of the boyband One Direction. Now there’s the whole Larry Stylinson thing, which, -although very interesting- isn’t the topic of this post. So I’ll leave that up to you to decide whether or not that was an actual thing. 

July 2010 - December 2010:

Louis auditions on his own for the X-factor in July 2010, and has to leave during bootcamp. Which doesn’t happen, as he gets put in a band with 4 other guys (Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Harry Styles and Liam Payne). They are an immediate hit with the viewers, and are especially popular among teenage girls. The band makes it to the final, where they become third. But that isn’t the end but rather, in the famous words of Zayn “Only the beginning”

2011 - 2014:

The band has an absolute skyrocketing into fame. Their first single becomes No.1 worldwide and it’s only up from there. (I’ll spare you every single achievement cause I would forget one and I’m too tired to proofread my own shit) 

2015:

This year deserves it’s own part, because oh my god. 

first big thing is Zayn leaving in March. Fans were heartbroken and the fandom was in absolute shambles. At first it was said to be a short pause due to his health, but soon we would hear that he wasn’t coming back.

December brings another shockwave. After 5 years (and 5 albums, which is insane) the boys announce their hiatus.

2016 - 2018:

December 2016 Louis releases his first song, Just hold On. Which is written in honor of his late mother, who passed earlier that month. In 2017 he releases a couple of songs, but nothing regarding an album yet.

2018 is the year he releases his debut album Walls of which the ERA has just ended. 

2022:

In november his album Faith in the Future will be out! And as my blog shows I’m very excited for that!

Why does this random dude from England take up so much of my time?

that is a very valid question. I honestly don’t know what it is about him that makes me so happy. What I do know is that when Walls came out, i was in a very dark spot and that album lowkey gave me purpose to keep going. The way Louis acts towards his fans is different from other artists I follow. He takes shots with fans, Flips them off at concerts and often times he’s a sarcastic little shit.

But he’s also been through hell and back. He lost his mother to leukemia, and not even 2 years later one of his sisters unexpectedly passed away at just 18 years. He knows what it’s like to struggle, and always tries to take time for his fans. When a girl told him that “you’re the reason my parents still have a daughter.” his immediate response was to wrap her up in a hug and make sure she was okay now. 

He’s an extremely talented writer and his songs show that. He’s obviously rich and has more money than he’ll ever spend, but he was raised by a young single mother. He has 7 younger siblings, who he helped raise when he was just a child.

OH! he forgets the lyrics to his own songs, and will look for signs in the crowd to see if someone has them written down for him.   

That's the shorter version. I could talk on and on about this man, but for now I'll just keep it like this :)

[rhiawriter]

The Writers Ch. 12

The Secret - November - December 2018

The birthday party takes place in McCarren Park, not far from Jess’s apartment. It’s one of those bright crisp autumn dates that always make Rory think of home. She and Jess haul party supplies and snacks to the park, arriving early to help Ellen and Matt set up.

“Oh Jess!” Ellen shouts when she sees them. “You brought the plates, you’re a lifesaver!”

“Jess!” Little Jamie shouts, leaving her mother’s side and flinging herself into Jess’s arms. 

“Who’s the big girl?” Jess groans theatrically at the weight of her. “I don’t know if I can carry you anymore. 5 year olds are too big to hold.”

“That’s not true! I’m not any bigger than I was when I was 4!” 

“She was disappointed,” Ellen says with a wink. “She thought she was going to grow bigger than me the night she turned five.”

“Everyone said I was going to be so big, but I didn’t get any bigger!” Ellen says. “So you can still make me fly!”

“We’ll see!” Jess starts to spin her around, and she squeals. 

“Thanks for coming, Rory,” Ellen says as they set up the picnic table. “It’s good to see you again.”

Jamie lands in a heap in the grass, her hair flying out of its headband. 

“She’s going to be asking you to do that all day now, you know,” Ellen says. 

“Hopefully, she’ll play with the other kids when they get here,” Jess says. 

“Who are you?” Jamie asks as she picks herself up off the ground. 

“Jamie, this is Rory,” Jess says. 

“You’re pretty,” Jamie says to Rory.

“Why thank you,” Rory says. “Happy birthday, Jamie. Thanks for letting me come to your party. I brought you a present.”

Rory pulls the present out of her bag and hands it to Jamie.

“Oh, it’s a book isn’t it?” Jamie grins, she tears off the wrapping.

“Sil–silve–ster and the Magic Pebble,” Jamie spells the words out, and Rory’s impressed. She can already tell this girl is going to be quite the reader. “I don’t have it,” she says. “Maybe you could read to me later?”

Read the full story on Ao3.

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter thirty nine

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

november 19, 2018 san diego, california orion

Today is the final day of the tour, and it’s also the day that they’re in Madrid. I should be there, and I know that fact very well. Emelia is off for Thanksgiving break, so I would’ve been, too. We could have gone, but instead, we are at my family’s house doing practically nothing. 

I spend a long time in the shower. It’s nice to stand under the stream of water because it camouflages my tears. There’s no clarity whether the droplets are tears or water and that keeps me feeling a little less shitty for how much I’ve been crying lately.

It feels like any time I get a moment alone I start crying. 

Missing Calum is hard enough, but knowing how little life I have left to live is an awful, gut wrenching feeling. 

I’ve had my phone in hand with Calum’s contact open far too many times to count. I’ve typed messages and deleted them. I’ve even considered deleting his contact altogether to make reaching out to him next to impossible since I clearly don’t have the guts to reach out and it’ll torment me every day. 

I want him here with me. I do. I want that more than anything. I can’t even call it a change of heart because I know that’s what I’ve always wanted. Some kind of switch flipped in me when I saw the pictures of him with Paula and I finally admitted it to myself. 

That should be me is all I could think, staring at the photos of them hugging, leaning close to each other to talk at the bar. I’ve craved a hug from Calum from the moment he left me.

One of the worst thoughts I’ve had is what if I reach out and he doesn’t reply? What if I’m too late? What if I’ve fucked it all up beyond repair? That fear is one of the many things holding me back. I’m scared to reach out and it ends up that I’m still alone and aching to have him home with me.

I’m still scared of the idea of watching me die and how that will take a toll on him. The thought is still terrifying, but I still, selfishly, want him to be with me. 

I haven’t told anyone this. I’m sure the second I tell Emelia she will grab my phone and call him herself.

Em and I are planning on streaming the Madrid show if we can tonight, assuming someone goes live to share the show. She said if she has to she will call Crystal and have her Facetime us the whole time, but that’s not my favorite option. 

I finish up my shower and get dressed in another random combination of sweatpants and sweatshirt, putting on my bunny slippers that my moms got me for my birthday. I don’t know how I’ve made it to 22 without a pair, but I’m grateful for the adorable, cozy footwear regardless. I find Emelia in my bedroom when I exit the bathroom, scrolling on her phone, perched on the edge of my bed that she must have decided to make for me. 

“Paula and Lucia are with them,” she announces, holding her phone up to me.

I get closer to her, sitting next to her on my bed so she can give me her phone. It’s opened to Paula’s Instagram story, which is a photo of her hand, complete with her new, dazzling engagement ring, Lucia’s hand, and Calum’s hand, all three reaching for a box of donuts from my favorite donut shop in Madrid. She has the location tagged at Retiro. 

“For old time’s sake,” she wrote on top. 

I tap the screen, letting the next image on her story show. It’s a selfie of Paula, Lucia, Calum, Luke, Sierra, and Crystal. They’re sitting by the water at Retiro. I should be there. I wish I was there. 

I sigh, closing out of the Instagram app and giving Em her phone back. “Looks like they’re having fun,” I say, my voice cracking as I try to stifle the tears I have forming in my eyes.

Emelia wraps an arm around me and rests her head on my shoulder. “I’m sure they all wish you were there just as badly as you want to be there.”

I sniffle and wipe the tears from my eyes. “Maybe.”

She sighs and thankfully doesn’t say anything else about it. “C’mon, come help me write my paper. I don’t wanna have to deal with it on Thanksgiving.” 

If it was up to me, I’d spend the rest of the day in bed alone, but when Em is here, she gives me only one allowance of wallow-in-bed-and-pretend-to-nap time per day. It’s been almost every day that I tell her I want to take a nap and then instead I just lay in bed and cry. I’m sure she knows that’s what I actually do, but we don’t talk about it.

—

As if she could read my mind from all those miles away, Paula goes live for the concert. As far as I can tell, she’s in the VIP section. It doesn’t look like many other people are watching her live, so I’m almost certain she is streaming just for me. 

Emelia and I watch together, curled up in the guest bedroom with a bottle of wine and a huge bowl of popcorn. We sing along the whole time, tears in my eyes for most of it. It’s my first and only time seeing the show from the whole tour. I knew it would hurt too much after the breakup, and before I wanted to be surprised by it in San Diego. Em and I both knew I needed to see it at least once. I didn’t think through the fact that I possibly wouldn’t actually see the San Diego show. 

Calum not singing his verses in Amnesia and Ghost of You cuts me deeply, which has been true since the breakup based on Twitter, and both Emelia and I cry when they play those two. Cal doesn’t even face the crowd during those songs.

As the show nears its end, in a break after Jet Black Heart, Calum steps to his microphone.

“Madrid!” He starts, and Luke and Michael snap their heads to him, shocked. I guess they weren’t expecting him to take a talking break. The crowd cheers loudly at his pronunciation, since he says it like Mah-dree rather than Muh-drid. He hadn’t spoken the whole show, and, if I know Calum, he hasn’t been speaking much on tour at all, especially not in the wake of the breakup. 

“Excuse me if I fuck this up, but I asked a friend to help me with this translation. If it’s wrong, blame her,” he says and he laughs. 

“He’s talking about me,” I hear Paula say. She knows I’m watching. I’m sure of it. 

“Tu ciudad tiene un pedazo enorme de mi corazón. Te he extrañado y te quiero.” Calum fumbles through the Spanish that he reads off a scrap of paper. The crowd screams louder then than they have so far for anything else they’ve done tonight. I’m sure no one expected Calum to have said more than two or three words in Spanish, so it’s exciting to have him say something beyond te quiero and gracias.

“Uh, back to English,” he says while he tucks the piece of paper into his back pocket. “I’m sure some of you know why I love this city, and that’s never going to change. Thank you for having us tonight, the last night of this tour. You’ve been incredible and we will never forget you. This next one is one of my favorites, and again, I’m sure some of you know why. Let’s take it home, okay? This is Want You Back!” 

The lights turn off and the room of people screams when the opening notes resound throughout the arena they’re playing. Throughout this song, Calum actually bobs his head and sways a little, getting into the music the way he used to but hasn’t throughout the entire show. He seemingly stares directly at Paula’s phone, and I wonder if he knows she’s streaming the show for me to watch it. 

“Are you gonna call him?” Emelia asks in the middle of the song.

I look to her, tears filling my eyes again. “I don’t know, Em. I’m scared.”

She doesn’t say anything else then, just nods. 

At the end of Want You Back, which is supposed to be their last song aside from the encore, Michael and Ashton take their bows and Luke and Calum just clap at them. Michael and Ash look confused, but just wave to the crowd. They check behind their shoulders and find Calum and Luke still at their mic stands, but they continue their exit from the stage.  

“Madrid, for an extra something special this evening, Calum and I decided we’d like to treat you to a little surprise,” Luke says. From the side of the stage, an acoustic guitar is being brought to Luke. 

“If it’s alright with you, I’m gonna steal Luke’s mic stand!” Calum says into his mic. The crowd cheers and he hands his bass to the stage tech that brought Luke the guitar. Cal is now center stage, looking incredibly nervous. “We’ve never played this one before, but we hope you like it.” 

Look at the stars Look how they shine for you

Calum sings softly while Luke strums the guitar. Luke is smiling widely at Calum like he’s a proud parent. 

Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones Turn into something beautiful And you know, you know I love you so

Cal is crying again, but he manages to sing each word clearly. 

And you know, for you, I'd bleed myself dry For you, I'd bleed myself dry

Every word seems to cause another tear in my eyes. Their cover of Yellow is officially my new favorite of theirs, and I know Cal chose it for me. It’s as clear as day. As they finish the song, the crowd erupts again, and then Luke holds his arms out to Cal, encouraging everyone to applaud him specifically. Cal bows and takes a step back, his hand resting on his chest. He waits for Luke to bow too before they walk offstage together.

As soon as they’re off the stage and the crowd starts to beg for an encore, Paula flips her phone around so we can see her, Lucia, Marta, and Crystal huddled together and smiling. 

“For you!” Paula screams and then she turns the camera back so the boys can finish their usual set.

I don’t know how and I don’t know why, but Calum has just made me feel way more loved than I deserve, and it makes me want to reach out even more, but I still don’t know if I can or how I should. I officially want — no, need him back in my life. I need him by my side. I don’t know what it’ll take for it to happen and I’m terrified of whatever will be in between, but I know I’ll feel much better when he’s back in my life. 

Em looks at me with teary eyes as the boys take the stage again. 

“Em... I miss him so much.”

She hugs me tightly. “I know you do.”

read next chapter

a/n: something's brewing!!!!!!! :')

[spacetimewithstuartgary]

NASA Prepares to Say ‘Farewell’ to InSight Spacecraft A closer look at what goes into wrapping up the mission as the spacecraft’s power supply continues to dwindle. The day is approaching when NASA’s Mars InSight lander will fall silent, ending its history-making mission to reveal secrets of the Red Planet’s interior. The spacecraft’s power generation continues to decline as windblown dust on its solar panels thickens, so the team has taken steps to continue as long as possible with what power remains. The end is expected to come in the next few weeks. But even as the tightknit 25-to-30-member operations team – a small group compared to other Mars missions – continues to squeeze the most they can out of InSight (short for Interior Exploration using Seismic Investigations, Geodesy and Heat Transport), they’ve also begun taking steps to wind down the mission. The most important of the final steps with the InSight mission is storing its trove of data and making it accessible to researchers around the world. The lander data has yielded details about Mars’ interior layers, its liquid core, the surprisingly variable remnants beneath the surface of its mostly extinct magnetic field, weather on this part of Mars, and lots of quake activity. InSight’s seismometer, provided by France’s Centre National d’Études Spatiales (CNES), has detected more than 1,300 marsquakes since the lander touched down in November 2018, the largest measuring a magnitude 5. It even recorded quakes from meteoroid impacts. Observing how the seismic waves from those quakes change as they travel through the planet offers an invaluable glimpse into Mars’ interior but also provides a better understanding of how all rocky worlds, including Earth and its Moon, form. “Finally, we can see Mars as a planet with layers, with different thicknesses, compositions,” said Bruce Banerdt of NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Southern California, the mission’s principal investigator. “We’re starting to really tease out the details. Now it’s not just this enigma; it’s actually a living, breathing planet.” The seismometer readings will join the only other set of extraterrestrial seismic data, from the Apollo lunar missions, in NASA’s Planetary Data System. They will also go into an international archive run by the Incorporated Research Institutions for Seismology, which houses “all the terrestrial seismic network data locations,” said JPL’s Sue Smrekar, InSight’s deputy principal investigator. “Now, we also have one on Mars.” Smrekar said the data is expected to continue yielding discoveries for decades. Earlier this summer, the lander had so little remaining power that the mission turned off all of InSight’s other science instruments in order to keep the seismometer running. They even turned off the fault protection system that would otherwise automatically shut down the seismometer if the system detects that the lander’s power generation is dangerously low. “We were down to less than 20% of the original generating capacity,” said Banerdt. “That means we can’t afford to run the instruments around the clock.” Recently, after a regional dust storm added to the lander’s dust-covered solar panels, the team decided to turn off the seismometer altogether in order to save power. Now that the storm is over, the seismometer is collecting data again – though the mission expects the lander only has enough power for a few more weeks. Of the seismometer’s array of sensors, only the most sensitive were still operating, said Liz Barrett, who leads science and instrument operations for the team at JPL, adding, “We’re pushing it to the very end.” A silent member of the team is ForeSight, the full-size engineering model of InSight in JPL’s In-Situ Instrument Laboratory. Engineers used ForeSight to practice how InSight would place science instruments on the Martian surface with the lander’s robotic arm, test techniques to get the lander’s heat probe into the sticky Martian soil, and develop ways to reduce noise picked up by the seismometer. ForeSight will be crated and placed in storage. “We’ll be packing it up with loving care,” Banerdt said. “It’s been a great tool, a great companion for us this whole mission.” NASA will declare the mission over when InSight misses two consecutive communication sessions with the spacecraft orbiting Mars, part of the Mars Relay Network – but only if the cause of the missed communication is the lander itself, said network manager Roy Gladden of JPL. After that, NASA’s Deep Space Network will listen for a time, just in case. There will be no heroic measures to re-establish contact with InSight. While a mission-saving event – a strong gust of wind, say, that cleans the panels off – isn’t out of the question, it is considered unlikely. In the meantime, as long as InSight remains in contact, the team will continue gathering data. “We’ll keep making science measurements as long as we can,” Banerdt said. “We’re at Mars’ mercy. Weather on Mars is not rain and snow; weather on Mars is dust and wind.”