juliadarkswan

[definitivelynotanalien]

Dragon Age 2 spoilers ahead!!

Imagine trying to do what's best for your baby brother even if it hurts you, you give him his space and then you allow him to come with you on the expedition you've been trying to fund for months because he wants to and you won't tell him no, your relationship is so strained it borders on hatred and resentment but you love him so so much you might die for him

And then you come back alone.

How do you tell mother?

How?

You're supposed to keep moving, but your world has shattered, your want to allow him freedom has led him to his untimely end

It's your fault

You keep going, barely. You'll never be yourself again, you're scared of letting go of your friends, you'll follow their every step, you haunt the halls of your own home because the house is more alive that you ever were and ever will be

and you try to act like normal

your friends can tell, they choose not to talk, afraid you might shatter

but the world keeps moving

it's scarily empty

and yet so terrifyingly filled with people you care for

you could loose everything

and it will be your fault

[oops-all-concrete]

BG3 fandom! I have more headcanons- but first!!

I must issue a very loud

⚠️SPOILER WARNING⚠️

For The Dark Urge playthrough of Baldurs Gate 3! There is no further warning below the cut, so if you care not to be spoiled, do not continue to read!

For those of you interested- ahead lies: Angst, hurt/comfort, canon-typical violence, blood, mentions of death, no MCD or any perma-death anyway, and lots of love. Greif and pain and emotional hurt are heavy themes as well!

Last warning! ⚠️Spoilers ahead⚠️

I've just gotten to this point in the Dark Urge run (where you reject Bhaal and fucking) DIE, and DUDE- I am stunned companions say NOTHING to your LITERAL DEATH after rejecting Bhaals gift or whatever. (Not in the scenes anyway) So, I'm writing how I think they'd respond cinematically, because your lively Durges deserve to be mourned and loved.

(Of course in-game this would be limited to the dialogue, but I've describes how they would be animated anyhow)

Lae'zel -

She's running to Durge the moment they start lifting from the ground, but pauses once their eyes start rolling back and blackening. There's something beyond her control happening, and she needs it to stop- and it does. With Tav hitting the floor eyes black, soul gone. She's immediately yelling at the others to do something, hand her a scroll, something- but nothing is working. Her shoulder slump after a good few minutes. And finally her voice breaks. She holds a hand to her chest as she wails in agony, holding her Tavs body like it's the last time- because to her- it is. "My angel, my moon. My great protector. I have failed you" She hisses, eyes scrunched shut.

Shadowheart -

She's been afraid her whole life. But even in the face of Bhaal, she will not be afraid if it means Tav will be safer. She immediately casts warding bond, if they're in danger, she'll halve it. If you're going to get hurt, so shall she- and she's okay with that. "Hang on-!" And then it all goes black, she falls without a word or scream, but she's content. If she dies protecting Durge, she cannot ask for better.

(After cutscene convo) Once Durge has been revived by Withers, it's up to them to get a scroll and revive her from the bloodied mess on the floor. She's stunned and confused, but the moment she sees Tav okay she couldn't care less. Why did you do that? "It might sound silly, but I was scared that you would be alone through whatever was about to happen. I don't regret it, if you're wondering"

Wyll -

"Gods- NO!" He shouts, a hand reaching out for them as they hit the ground. He's over them in a flash, holding their head in his arms, trying desperately to wake them, find a pulse, wake up himself and have this all be some sick nightmare. But of course, no such thing happens. The Tav he knows and loves just ceased living before his eyes. There's blood soaking into his every apparel and he's crying his eye out. It crosses his mind. Mizora is powerful- even if she can't fix this, she will know someone or something that can. He'd give anything- his whole life, he'd gladly be a lemure if it gave Tav back. He almost calls for her- until Withers starts his speech. (During the 'your rejection of Bhaal has earned you a place among heroes' section of his dialogue, he'll turn to Wyll and add: 'No devil's, demons or feinds required, I assure you')

Karlach -

If she wasn't raging before, she is now. A tomb-rocking scream echoes around the chamber, eyes wide with horror, body shaking and burning all over, engine out of control but she couldn't care less. One of the others will tell her to calm down. "FUCK THAT! FUCK EVERYTHING! FUCK THE GODS ABOVE AND THE HELLS BELOW." She roars. It goes on, swearing, screaming, swinging- and then, finally- collapse. She drops to her knees and punches the hard ground next to Tavs body, sobbing and exhausted. Withers walks in the the most gut-wrenching agonised scream of why

Gale -

He's frozen as it happens. His hands crackle with weave but he can't move. He needs to do something- anything, but time moves without him. All he knows is he can't breathe, all he can smell is blood and he thinks he's going to be sick. He can hear invisible bones cracking, distant blood dripping and their last choke. The wizard stumbles forward, barely making it to their body before collapsing beside them, on his knees and positively glowing from the mark on his chest. The orb can sense his distress and buzzes within him, as though it can smell the death. He pulls and hand to his mouth, kissing it gently- unable to comprehend a kiss goodbye. "Oh- Gods. Oh my love" he sobs, brows furrowed in what looks like physical pain. "I'm so sorry... I'm so, so sorry..." He wheezes out, scarcely finding breath.

Astarion -

He doesn't let their head hit the ground. He's swift as he catches them, but frantic as he sets their head on his thighs as a pillow. He pulls open their eyelids only to find a blackened core beneath, animalistic and distinctly unfamiliar. "Wake up, damn you...not after all this! You don't get to go!" He yells sounding genuinely furious- like he was going to get violent. If any of the others approach he doesn't notice. "We still have a cult to cull, we have a brain to control- I need you!" He yells, voice raw and eyes wet, the anger melting into greif. He makes a sheild of himself over Durge when Withers walks in, dagger/shortsword in hand, teeth bared, despite his damp face.

(Withers greets Astarion: 'Cry no more Spawn of sanguine- the universe is finally in your favour')

(Only Halsin is romanced for obvious reasons, but closeness is still implied for Minsc and Jaheira)

Halsin -

He catches Durge on the way down, their head on his chest as he lays them down over himself. "My heart? Can you hear me? Please say something" He begs hands glowing with healing magic, eyes aglow as well. He tries for a little, but then his breathing changes entirely, a small hushed gasp sounds from him, his he starts shaking his head, eyes wide. "Oh- oh Gods- Silvannus, please- I cannot bear to lose- oh Gods" He gasps, breath becoming harsher- finally letting tears fall. "Oak Father- please, wherever they go- keep them safe" he prays, teeth gritted in agony.

Jaheira -

She looks away as Tavs life is sapped away, unable to watch another Bhaalspawn friend suffer. When all falls still and silent, she looks among the other companions, shocked and frozen. "They're at peace now. Take comfort in knowing they chose to keep you all safe." She says with a proud nod- but her eyes are wet and her nose scrunched a little with a sniff.

Minsc -

There's small squeaking in the berserkers ear, before he sighs, almost a sob and speaks with a tired voice. "Wise words, Boo. I only wish our friend could hear you" Before he turns away, unable to look at them on the floor. "I am proud to have called them our friend. We should make them proud in return"

Hope you enjoyed! To the lovely people who have made requests, I will get to them as soon as I can!! Thank you for the requests, and please feel free to send me more!

[ceeridwen99]

BG3 is a R O L E P L A Y I N G GAME...

Okay, time to be a bit controversial but I need to get this off my chest. Mainly because I've been seeing it everywhere. Instagram. Here. Youtube. Even the cursed site that is Reddit. I doubt this will reach many people, but I'll feel better having gotten it out of my head.

I think that a lot of people who play/played BG3 have forgotten that it is of ROLEPLAYING game. Let me repeat that. ROLEPLAYING. That means, that your game is based off of YOUR choices and YOUR choices alone. Meaning that the things you choose to do in this game are based on YOUR interpretation of the media. There is NO canonical interpretation of the game because it is YOUR campaign based on how YOU play. The plotline, the romances, and everything that happens is based on YOUR choices and how YOU decide to ROLEPLAY it.

Why am I putting so much emphasis on this? Well, because with the new patch, some additions were made to Durge's storyline. Mainly regarding Gortash. Nothing major at all, honestly. But, as we know, durgtash is quite a popular ship in the fandom. There was an added line during Gortash's coronation when Gortash expressed that he "liked" the Dark Urge in comparison to his sibling. A line has been added where the Durge can reply "I think I liked you too." That's it. That's what all the fuss is about. Because oh boy, did some people interpret that as Larian forcing durgetash on the players. First...what? How--

Let me preface this by saying I'm NOT a durgetash shipper AT ALL. I don't even like Gortash. Believe me, I've tried to see what people see in it (and him). I went and found all the journals and letters trying to see the romantic connection, and I just couldn't. It seems more like admiration and respect than love for me, but hey...guess what...that's MY interpretation. That's not what those who love this ship feel and that's perfectly okay because it's THEIR Campaign.

My point is, in no way is Larian FORCING a romantic relationship between Gortash and the Durge UNLESS you interpret it that way. Gortash says he "liked" you. Okay, That can mean many things. He respected you as his partner in this whole scheme. He enjoyed your company in comparison to Orin. Or, he saw you as a true friend. Or if you want--and only if you want it--he liked you romantically. And this is vice versa for the new line that was added to further differentiate the Durge from a Tav. It is such a vague line and can be interpreted in so many ways, that I truly don't understand what all the fuss is about. If you don't see Gortash as a previous romantic partner...then don't.

The Dark Urge is in many ways a blank slate. Yes, they have a bloody past when it comes to murder, but you don't have to add personal relationships to it if you don't want to. Hell, in my latest playthrough, my durge was a virgin when this whole mess began lol (They, of course, didn't know that, but it's what I roleplayed). They also never fully recover their memory outside of what's shown in the game. They're a complete blank slate at the start and the end. The durge has no personal background so you can make your own. So you can ROLEPLAY.

If you don't like the idea of Durge and Gortash being a thing...don't roleplay it that way. And, if you interpret that line as romantic DON'T click it. But there is no reason to be going around saying something is being forced on you when it isn't.

(If you want to be mad about something, be mad about Wyll constantly being sidelined compared to every other companion, but that's another post in itself.)

Anyway, if you read this thanks and have fun with whatever headcanon you carry.

[its-jaytothemee]

Tonight...And Every Night - Chapter 2

Pairing: Astarion x Tav, Halsin x Tav; Astarion and Tav POVs

Word count: 1,458; Chapter 2 Tav POV

Rating: Mature

Read on AO3

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Summary: Tav fails to convince Astarion to reject the Rite of Profane Ascension and refuses to help him complete it. He leaves her and the party, but regrets his choices later. Angsty and fluffy, POVs from both Astarion and Tav.

Tags: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Spawn!Astarion, Angst w/ Happy Ending

Author's Note: This was inspired by my playthrough where I somehow failed all of the persuasion checks for Astarion after the Cazador fight, leaving me obviously devastated. First three chapters will come together, then hopefully one or two at a time after that!

Tav stood stock still for a moment, numbness washing over her entire body from the shock of Astarion’s last words. Once the numbness faded, she fell to her knees and began to sob. Not soft sobs like one might see in a tragic stage production, but heaving, guttural sobs that shook her entire body. Not a moment later, she felt Halsin’s strong arms around her shoulders.

“Come here, my heart.” He whispered, cradling the back of her head with one hand, and holding the rest of her against him with the other. His armor was uncomfortable against her face but she didn’t care. Her vision blurred from the tears, her throat ached from her cries. Halsin was trying to whisper comforting words in her ears, but she couldn't make them out. She felt another hand rest on her shoulder and could just barely identify the figure as Gale kneeling next to her. He moved his hand down to hold hers, and she grasped it as tightly as her fading strength would allow. She felt Shadowheart’s familiar healing magic relieving the stinging cuts on her cheeks and the soreness in her arms, but there was no magic that could touch the aching that pounded in her chest.

She heard other voices, but she couldn’t make sense of them. She thought she heard Shadowheart, and another couple of familiar voices that she couldn’t place. Halsin’s low voice cut through the others but still sounded warped in her ringing ears. She buried her face further into his armored chest, gripping his arms trying to keep herself from falling over. She heard footsteps go by her and then fade. The other spawn maybe? It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered right now.

“Tav…” Halsin’s voice was low and soft. He placed a hand under her chin and gently lifted her face up to look at his. “We have to go now.”

“He…he left…” She was barely able to choke out the words.

“I know, Tav. I know. Come on, love. There’s nothing more for us here.” He helped her to her feet, keeping a steadying arm around her waist. She leaned into him, grateful for the extra support. Closer to the stairs, she saw Gale and Shadowheart waiting, their shoulders slumped and heads hung low. She took a small step forward when the gleam of Cazador’s small dagger caught her eye. Bending over to pick it up, she studied the intricate weapon. From the way Astarion spoke, this was the “needle” that Cazador had used to carve the runes into his back. Tears stung her eyes again as she remembered the first time she looked upon those scars. Stowing the dagger in her pack, she moved to leave with the rest of the party but then hesitated.

“Wait…” she called out to them, “the other prisoners.” She began frantically looking around for Cazador’s staff that controlled the cells.

“It’s okay Tav,” Gale called back, “We already took care of it.”

Gods, how long was she a mess on the floor? She felt Halsin’s hand on the small of her back urging her forward. Her three companions surrounded her in a protective shield, as if they were worried about her collapsing at any given moment. Halsin all but carried her through the bloodied corridors of the Szarr estate as they silently made their exit back into the city.

The bright sun was a stark contrast from the darkness of Cazador’s underground dungeon. It took a moment for her to adjust, the light burning her teary eyes. The salty streaks that lined her cheeks dried quickly in the warm air as they continued forward.

“We should stop in at Sorcerous Sundries and resupply, maybe check in on Rolan.” Tav murmured. The others all shared a glance between each other.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather head back to camp, my heart?” Halsin suggested.

“I think some walking would help to clear my head a little if that’s alright. Plus, it’s still early. We should make as much use out of the day as possible.” Her voice was raspy and cracked from crying. Gale and Shadowheart nodded in response with small smiles.

They made their usual stops, taking stock of their potions and elixirs. They sold some of the spare weapons and scrolls they found at the Szarr Palace. Gale stopped in to discuss some of the things that Rolan had found in Ramazith’s Tower. Tav focused on her steps, forcing herself to keep moving forward as they made their way through the familiar streets. Halsin would sometimes have to lightly pull her forward with him to help keep her with the group. She simply wandered with everyone until their errands were complete, offering weak pleasantries to the vendors they frequent. Her companions’ obvious attempts to cheer her up all fell flat. Gale had run off to get a small skewer of roasted potatoes that were normally her favorite. Shadowheart tried to distract her with talks of their favorite wines, offering to open one of the bottles they had hidden away from the others at camp once they returned. Halsin picked a multitude of wildflowers that they passed during their walk and presented her with the small bouquet. She thanked each of them weakly, forcing a smile onto her face. Their gestures were kind and they meant well, she just couldn't summon the energy to appreciate them right now.

They made their way back into their camp outside of Rivington just as the sun was starting to disappear over the horizon. Normally, the smell of the fire and the sound of her friends chatting would comfort her after a long day, but the familiar feel of the camp did nothing to lift her spirits tonight. She wrapped her arms tightly around her chest and leaned back into Halsin as they approached the crackling fire. Karlach was the first to come running up to them.

“Hey Soldier! Already sent Cazador to the hells did you?” She yelled, her face the embodiment of joy. Tav hugged her chest even tighter.

“Hey, hey, what’s wr-” she cut herself off abruptly. “Wait, where’s Fangs?” She looked between all of them frantically.

All Tav was able to manage was a small shake of her head. She turned to walk away before the tears came back, she hated letting the others see her upset. She was supposed to be their leader after all, and they deserved someone strong. They deserved someone who could have saved their missing companion.

Karlach started to follow her, but Halsin stopped her.

“She needs some time, Karlach. We can tell you what happened.”

Tav kept walking, allowing muscle memory to guide her steps not realizing where that would take her. When she stopped, she found herself standing outside of Astarion’s tent, exactly as it was when they left. Her breath caught, and the grief from today came crashing down on her again. Her eyes overflowed with tears, she tried to conceal her sobs from the others nearby. She composed herself as best as she could, and then walked through the entrance of the tent. The familiar surroundings caused her chest to ache. She laid down on the bedroll where they had spent so many nights together. The fabric held his scent, intensifying the throbbing pain in her chest. She buried her face into the pillow, trying to absorb as much of him as she could. The smell brought back so many sweet memories that were immediately soured by his hateful last words.

‘I hope you all die screaming.’ The phrase echoed over and over in her head.

“Stupid…Stupid…” she whispered to herself.

A thousand questions raced through her mind as she berated herself. How could she think that she could change him? He told her exactly who he was back at Moonrise Towers. She thought that if he was capable of that vulnerability and honesty, then he could surely be capable of changing, capable of healing. She thought maybe, just maybe if she showed him the compassion and love he had been lacking that she could sway him. Tav realized she had let herself completely fall for him without considering what that would truly mean, and now she was devastated. She was heartbroken and hurt and yet, she couldn’t bring herself to hate him. Knowing his past and hardship, she would have forgiven him for his harsh words and helped him be the man she knew he could be. But now, that chance was gone, as was Astarion.

Now that she was hidden away from the rest of the camp, she allowed her sorrow to consume her completely. She cried into the soft fabric, pulling her legs close to her chest mourning the nights that would never come.

[vgilantee]

Hello! Me again, Isekai mess writer.

I want Ghoap, obviously. I need reader to already know that's a thing based on gameplay, head cannon in their world. Reader immediately clocking their relationship even though they think they're super sneaky.

I adore Daddy Price, Sweet Boy/Feral in bed Gaz, Down bad but won't admit it Ghost and Nasty Dog Soap.

Basically the premise is that reader just appears. The 141 are just immediately like wtf considering their base of operations is highly guarded. Probably some interrogation in which poor reader just spits it all out that a "God" yeeted them into the game. Soap might be a bit touched that reader for so attached and also a bit creeped out about the dedication. Ghost is spiralling thinking of Johnny's death and how reader basically died trying to change it. Price is trying to hold onto reason/simple explanation and Gaz wondering when his life became an anime.

Basically I want reader to be their guide through everything, they've played enough to know exactly when everyone comes in, where everything is.

Makarov will be taken out. No question.

What about after? Reader is essentially a civilian consultant to their taskforce. Do they all get together? Is the taskforce together prior to reader? My brain is on fire.

okay it took me a minute because Work, and also anything I ramble about is based on context clues from this ask because again, only anime I've watched is the first 6 (??) seasons of one piece and the first episode of that volleyball one. but here are my thoughts.

ghoap but they haven't labelled it so they think that they're being sneaky. lingering looks, softened eyes, hands brushing when they wall by each other.

maybe price pushes them behind him when the reader starts rambling about how they're video game characters and she starts giving plot points and details (maybe even bits of ghost's backstory because she's read the comics?)

simon and gaz grabbing johnny's hand when she blurts out "and soap will be shot in the head by makarov" because she sounds desperate but they still Ned the reassurance that their johnny is still there and alive and safe

you say the reader basically died to save him, does that mean like died in "her world" to get put in the video game, or is there going to be a death loop?

"Look I know you don't believe me. I wouldn't either if I were you. I sound like I need to be institutionalised. But I swear, everything I've said is true. I don't know why or how I'm here but while I am I cannot let Johnny die, not when I know how I could save him."

I personally haven't played the game or watched a playthrough, so I don't know the campaign very well, but maybe she tells them about graves and shepherd?

"I doubt you would have included gaz falling out of the helicopter in your report. and i mean if you did, not him saying he's 'hanging from a bloody rope'"

depending on whether you want ghoap to be the only relationship from the start, or have them full subtle poly, little touches and sitting too close are always good. maybe John gives simon a light pat on the arm, or simon gives gaz a tap on the chin with his knuckle. little things too intimate for just team mates.

not sure if any of that helped but if it at least got the gears turning then I count it as a win!!

[fareehaandspaniards]

*shoves Katy out of the way and cringes at the sound of glass breaking + cats yowling*

AHEM. (Sorry Katy <3) My turn!

Fareeha, what are your headcanons on Eileen and Bloody Crow so far?! Have you thought about them a bit? Or are you still figuring them out? 🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛

For now I have something about them!

For this ask, I combined my headcanons with my spouse's thoughts, because he's Eileen fan! I've had Eileen's image in my head since the first playthrough, and even though it has undergone many changes, her overall vibe remained the same. Crow of Cainhurst is harder to deal with, as you can create him for yourself almost from scratch! They actually both are very expressive characters! But while Eileen has her own voice, a quest line, and a description of her clothes that tells at least some canonical story, the Bloody Crow of Cainhurst - like Damian and other Old Hunters - creates a lasting impression with his equipment, fighting style and appearance!

(I should have put them next to each other, but Tumblr decided that Eileen's pic is too long, so it cuts her D:)

I should probably start from afar, because I usually get things mixed up, and here I have two characters to describe at once!

Eileen's background. She's a foreigner, but we don't know exactly how her covenant formed, how she came to all this. I think she arrived in Yharnam before the whole blood mess. And I really like the headcanon that Eileen was in love with one of the pre-hunters - the one who was protecting Yharnam and nearest villages from monsters and other people. They eventually became an established couple. And once when madness struck her love, Eileen was the one who had to behead her once-lover. And so was the birth of the covenant.

Eileen reminded me of another character from my all-time favorite game, and she's a dragoon knight whose lover has lost his memory. Aaaaand… her phrase from the game I might give Eileen in this case:

«What irony. To find the man about whom I have dreamt endlessly... only to discover that he cannot even remember who I am!»

Also about origins, if we relate Eileen to modern geography, I'd say her homeland could be Mexico? Not for any deep reasons, I just really like the Santa Muerte aesthetic, and I feel that vibe in Eileen (I'll also mention Scandinavia and Tibet later on, so it's hard to attribute her ONLY to Mexico)

Eileen is quite a tough, cold-hearted person. Actually, to stand under her gaze is a very difficult task, I think even Henryk couldn't do it! (You know, that look of an angry mother, when she doesn't need to explain her child that she is mad, they have already realized that! xd) I think, besides hunting, she also has a lot of applied talents, such as sewing, drawing, modeling, but because of the Hunt she almost forgot all of them.

Eileen really did understand crows somehow! It was HER kind of bird, to which she had dedicated her appearance and to which she had counted herself. In fact, in her homeland she was called as something of a witch because of it, though Eileen herself was hardly related to magical matters! One day she told Crow about it, she wanted to make it sound like a joke, but he took it very seriously and sternly said, "You do look like a witch!" <3

You know the legend of Huginn and Muninn? I think she has her own pair of crows that bring her news and keep an eye on everyone.

We don't know all the Great Ones, but based on the image of Mergo's Wet Nurse, with wings and stuff - could there be any bird-like GO? I think Eileen, just by being herself, has attracted Great One's patronage or became an unspoken servant of this Great One? She's a warm "mom", but she's also connected to something so ancient.

I read some time ago that Eileen and her "foreign tradition" funeral is a reference to the Tibetan rite of heavenly burial!!!! It impressed me madly at the time, it's amazing to find such a fact after all! Thanks you, @heraldofcrow , for that! And it's already "canon" to me that this was the essence of the funeral she was conducting? Many Yharnamites found them heretical as they were in foreign traditions, but with all the despair heaped upon the city and Eileen's faith in what she was doing - I think she was called upon to do such things by people… At the very least to ensure that the soul of the deceased would have a chance at a new life and not be stuck in the clutches of the Great Ones and the eternal cycle of the Nightmare….

Eileen gives me some Boss vibes from Metal Gear, while Crow gives me some Sergei Razumovsky vibes from Bubble Comics. (TBH Sergei is the mental child of Micolash, Crow and Laurence…. I used to really like him, as well as the whole comic. But it changed the course of the storyline a bit, so I don't read it anymore)

Boss in the left, Sergei in the right (One was destined to battle her best apprentice, almost son, and die tragically(on a field full of white flowers, yeahm hello, Gehrman, take a seat), and the other one has inner crow-like crazy personality)

When Eileen became a hunter of hunters, she picked up the boy after finding him in the woods, half dead with many scars. We don't actually know how old Crow really is, some headcanon that he's a grown up man, but in my vision he's a young man of about 20, about the same age as Edgar (again, according to my headcanons! You'll never tell exactly what age is this accountant-looking man xdd)

Judging by the estimated time of the massacre, Crow was just a kid at the time. I think he was about ten years old when all this happened? Oh, ten years old is a terrible age for moral trauma. Child is too old to forget everything because of shock, and too young to find the strength to recognize and process that trauma without outside help, without creating more wounds in himself… What did he experience? What he saw? I don't even want to imagine.

But, as it sometimes happens, we expect from a "traumatized" person vulnerability, need for protection, delicate soul and sensitivity. But it happens that the consciousness gives absolutely opposite behavior, hiding all sensitivity deep and far away. So young Crow was not the best child to raise! He came to Eileen rough, heartless, with a slight sadistic tendency. I think because of him and his behavior, Eileen went through many difficult hours… But here you either refuse to let someone else's problems into your heart and miss the opportunity to help, or you live someone else's suffering as your own, and Eileen, of course, in Crow's case, chose the second option. It's a very hard thing to do. But such kindness is always reciprocated in one way or another, and it can also spark the strongest bond!

Eileen raised him, keeping him strict but spoiling him occasionally (I think she always dreamed of having a family, you know, with two people loving each other and kids? But fate deprived her of such an opportunity - she wouldn't be able to love again… But having lost it, Eileen would have gained a "son"). She couldn't not being strict and even sometimes cruel (NO physical punishments or anything else! Hard trainings - yes, tough tasks - yeah) - otherwise Crow would never have taken her seriously. Eileen was great at separating her images of "mother" and "mentor" into two different parts. "Mother" was always understanding and comforting, but "mentor" demanded that she do her bidding and kept a stern eye on her protégé's progress.

As a young boy, he was very sensitive to being laughed at. And as it happens, he did funny things quite often, whether it was awkwardness, attention-seeking, or just plain luck in life. Eileen found him funny but didn't know it hurt him. Crow was offended. But once he saw her sad, watched her stay up at night, found out HOW MUCH heaviness she had on her mind and experienced the most genuine understanding, he realized WANTED to be funny to her? That giving your loved one a reason to laugh is a way to take his mind off his problems. That's how he probably got over his exorbitant ego for the first time. And that's how people grow up! :^)

Crow grew into a skillful and very strong young man. "The student surpassed his teacher" was their situation. Crow became a better man and took from his mentor all that she could give him. Aaaaand... He made his own choice in life, I believe. He stepped out from under his mentor's wing, taking his course back to Cainhurst. And, taking to my headcanons the research of @heraldofcrow, I willingly believe he chose the "heretical path" of not taking souls to heaven as he should, but coming to his Queen and bringing those souls to her feet.

I don't think there was any drama between them when Crow committed the betrayal. There was no breakup, no words, why would they need them? He just chose his path. There's no room for her judgment, they just became strangers. They went their separate ways, and that's a conscious choice Crow made. Did it hurt Eileen? Madly, I think. But her emotions can almost never get the better of her, which is why she coldly refers to Crow as "my prey." She doesn't allow herself to take offense. Except in her failure quest line, when she's distraught and attacks a player. I think it's naturally all about Crow there. It's just that in the "failed" quest line she has no alternate successor to her covenant as a player, and thus has no hope at all. Only despair and bitter betrayal by the closest person to her.

Does it hurt Crow? I don't know. I think he respects Eileen, I think he values her and knows that he will never meet a better and more honest warrior. Maybe he's sorry he had to do it. But no more than that. Is he heartless? Not really. What's inside him? I think he wants to get back what he lost a long time ago. Unfortunately, it's human nature. Even if we feel very good in a new home, we will agonize and think about the old one we were deprived of, that old home will always be "more valuable" in our imagination….

Small headcanons and relationships!

Damian + Eileen. (of course I started with Damian I am sorry lol... My fav will be everywhere) The two met when Eileen first arrived in Yharnam. Their little unspoken friendship began over a glass of Eileen's tincture. Almost no one knew of this acquaintance, but somehow they were comfortable in each other's company. Perhaps because they were both kind-hearted adults for everyone else and had a warm personality and compassion for others.

Damian was visiting Micolash's mummy, constantly lighting candles in the hall where he is. But on one of his visits, he was able to open the empty building of the School of Mensis. He found Edgar's corpse there. He called Eileen because he wanted to give him a proper burial. Together they performed the ceremony in the proper manner. They couldn't know it, but Edgar's soul and mind, trapped in a nightmare, felt better. And when the hunter killed him finally - his soul was free and cleansed, thanks to this ritual.

Eileen + Gascoigne + Henryk + Viola. A real family friendship! Gascoigne is also a foreigner, as is Eileen, and Henryk isn't really from around here… I think Eileen was the best friend of the family, and Gascoigne's little daughters adored her! It's a common headcanon, and I like it a lot :^) They were all very connected… (I think Crow have been a frequent visitor to their house with Eileen. And Eileen would tell stories about him at the table and Crow would resent xd)

Crow + Annalise. OooOooOoooh, I'm chuffed, to tell you the truth xddd But! I think Crow could have been very much in love with Annalise as a boy, carrying that feeling for an immortal woman through the years. Only - he would still be a "boy" to her, and he would have to prove that he had indeed grown up. And, thanks to Eileen's influence, he would succeed!

Crow + Maria. In my version, they're quite different ages, but I think there's definitely a family connection between them. At least as a young boy he would have seen Maria within the castle walls. I think they would have grimaced, showing each other tongues because they're both kids at heart xd And for a while they could both learn the Blade skill, where Crow would be enamored with blood magic and Maria would be the opposite. (I really need to make a table of character ages by time of events, because otherwise I get confused, and I have different ages for Maria in different headcanons! xd)

Crow + Alfred. Alfred would probably look like a nasty little bug to Crow, wouldn't he? The kind that's annoying just by the sight of it. (I like bugs actually, all I want to say is that Crow despises Alfred) He'd obviously have heard of a follower of Martyr Logarius who zealously seeks revenge for his teacher? (I'm surprised there is no quest line in the game where these two meet and try to kill each other) And Crow couldn't even imagine this man violently cut his Queen open one day... (thanks, Hunter! xd).

Crow + Arianna. Oh, I think he would despise her as well. Not because of her kind of job, but because she, an heiress of noble blood, an aristocrat, lives under the wing of the Yharnamites who exterminated her people. I think he would have tried to kill her! But Arianna is not so simple. He simply wouldn't have succeeded. You know, that spectacular scene in the movie where the killer comes for his victim and she welcomes him with open arms, completely naked and defenseless, and he gets lost, because he's still just a young boy, not a man… If there were no such scenes, I'm sorry, but that's how I see it xd

Little Headcanons:

Crow has always wanted to wear long, luxurious curls, and Eileen was always cutting his hair, all through his youth, to make him look better (I wanted to first justify that long hair in combat is inconvenient, but it hasn't hindered anyone in Fromsoftware games yet, so okay xd)

Crow is ENTP, you can't convince me otherwise lol…. (maybe you can)

He's also great with kids, I think because kids can sense strong people and are often drawn to them, and he's exactly like that, independent and cool, so Gascoigne's daughters loved him! (He also doesn't mind playing with dolls, just in secret.)

Crow's birth name is Astolf.

I think Annalise knows Crow exists, when Good Hunter comes to the castle. But she doesn't want us to know it.

Crow and Eileen have come a long way together - growing up, accepting their own flaws, that deep bond between them where two can live like a real family while being completely unrelated. But Crow still belongs to Cainhurst and to his Queen, and so his and Eileen's paths have diverged.

Hope you enjoy reading all of those!

[bharv]

From Temper:

“Do I not please you, Archduke Gortash?” He cannot tell if she is teasing him, if there is some memory she has of him on his knees for her. Her pale eyes are bloodshot, one completely burst into such a bloody mess that surely it would be better to take it out entirely. One of her cheekbones has collapsed in on itself, and it makes her mouth sit at an angle, causing a permanent frown. Her hair is cut to the scalp, scars of the shearing of a knife littering her. And of course, that point in her temple, a deeper wound that has not healed and slides down the side of her face, where Orin ripped her skin and plunged her blade into her mind.  “I used to please you, did I not, Enver?” “What do you remember?” She pauses, her brow furrowed as she looks up at him. “There are… fragments. I remember the smell of you. Close to my skin.” She reaches for her clothes, and a disgusted part of him wants to stop her, but he does not. There is likely further damage, and he must steel his stomach to see the worst of it. It is no different to picking up the pieces of a shattered automaton, looking to see what can be hammered back into shape, what mechanisms can be replaced. Flesh may not be his domain, but salvaging promise? He has experience of that, at least.

Especially in contrast to Control! Really interested in the differences between the two beyond the physical trauma

Answering this director's cut question... about my fics!

Oooh this one is a juicy one to get into. For context, my fic Control was the first thing I wrote about Enver and Manva right back at the beginning of September. I'd barely started my Durge playthrough at that point! And I stand by it as a piece, even though I set up some lore that's really bitten me in the arse (they haven't had sex?? I mean it's great but it's very difficult lmao) and I feel their dynamic has fleshed out a bit more.

I wrote this after playing about in the magic mirror and getting some pretty shots of Manva with her hair down at the coronation. Another thing I established in Control: Enver is the only (living) person who has seen her with her hair down. It is an explicit intimacy of theirs. And then I got thinking about their journey and whether somebody like Kressa would even keep their hair? Or whether Orin would take it in a fit of rage? And then from that I got to thinking about the process of what Kressa did generally. It’s brutal. It’s really something. Would you really come through that?

I’m interested in the angle of how much brain trauma can change who you are, but I didn’t really explore it in depth here. I’m too afraid to as somebody whose experience of traumatic brain injury is relatively personal. So I leaned a little more into the bodily trauma to compensate. I liked the contrast to the hungry lust they’re both caught up in during Control.

What it does explore which Control doesn’t have space for really is the odd tenderness that comes with seeing each other again, the anger at what happened, the grief. Yes, what he does in the fic is abhorrent, but it starts from a place of an awkward, uncomfortable fondness. When compared to what he did to Karlach it’s impossibly soft of him, to try and pick up this woman who he would normally throw on the slag heap and find the spark in her again. She controls, he tries to temper, to reforge. Of course, his way of doing it is to provoke, to pull apart, and it’s pretty dreadful, causing an explosion of a different kind of temper.

When I wrote this piece it genuinely made me sad, ha. I posted it and walked away from it feeling strangely empty. With a bit of space though I think it has merits, and could even have more parts. I’m interested in how their love always balanced on a knife’s edge between ways they want to consume each other and what comes from Enver crossing a line, taking her and locking her away, ostensibly to fix her? Does the rage drive her to be more? Can he still convince her to kill Orin? Can he make her the attack dog he always said he wanted? I dunno. Maybe it’s a set of interesting questions.

[achillean-knight]

Late night thoughts and theories that make me wonder why I'm not making it into a FNAF theory video for YouTube lmao

(sorry if this is a mess, I'm just getting thoughts out of my brain asap before I forget them lmfao)

I'm watching MatPat play Help Wanted 2, and I keep getting ideas for fall fest. It seems to happen when I watch ppl play HW2 LMAO like with my Carnie thoughts thanks to Markipliers playthrough- anyways

This can be taken as a theory but I think I might add it to my AU BC it's really getting me thinking...

Now this is a goofy lil thing I thought about as it kept hitting me and hitting me- could Mike have been at the fall fest along with Bonnie bro?

Mat brings up an interesting thought- why would we as the player, see flames and fire and reoccuring fall fest imagery? We're also collecting memories, surely this'd be something core to the player. This is also fall fest 1983(?), so whatever happened that event had to be so detrimental that Glitchtrap is reminding him and making him remember.

"what makes you so special?" Is uttered constantly, so the characters saying this must know who the player is. Moon/Jack-o-moon says it, making me think that he knows the player from wayyy back when,,, and I also believe he's an old animatronic seeing as folks say the Mimic is, and that MF shares the moon's chompers 😭 also he just really doesn't look much like a glamrock BSBSBSVSV (also Jack-o-Moon is very fall fest)

Baby says it, making me think she recognises him- maybe from when he was younger (Bonnie bro), BC she'd know Mike's friends if he hung out alot.

And I think Mystic Hippo also says it- which I could be wrong or miss remembering, but she seems like she could fit with fall fest. She is a very carnival thing, soooooo--

What I'm getting at, is our player is detrimental to fall fest 83' or atleast witnessed it. If he was friends with Mike, I wonder what happened that day that was so important- was Crying Child alive by then and he was tormenting him so much? Does fall fest take AFTER the death of him resulting in William doing something horrible out of spite and anger?

Or... "A wound first inflicted on me" from Henry could mean that out of revenge, William could have set fire to the event, hence why there's so much fire and flame represented in Help Wanted and Help Wanted 2- and to further back this up, Carnie might of possibly been Henry's creation, and he was set up in flame-

Oh shit and after the fire, you see Springtraps cutout (that you gotta shoot but shh)

THOUGHTS ARE BREWING AND BUBBLING MY FRIENDS I'm so using this plot point in my AU. I can't believe I created an AU from bloody mask Bot, and now I'm making my own timeline for it 💀

[itlivesproject]

Obviously I talk big game! But in the sense that if my mr. Daddio turns out slightly less twisted than expected, I'd probs still choose his problematic arse over the LI's in a heartbeat. No matter the horny tax. I love thirsting after some delicious old man with massive BDE, after all. I mean, him calling MC a good girl in that scene? My god, a woman can only take so much!

BUT GETTING NASTY WITH BOTH HIM AND HIS CHILD?! ON THE SAME BLOODY NIGHT?!!! IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER?! 😭😭😭 That's not horny anymore, that's just downright nasty! I love some good drama, but I can't handle my lovely genuine/sarcastic MC going THAT far. My horniness has to stop somewhere, and fucking both a son and father seems like as good a place as any.

Thank god for y'all allowing multiple playthroughs though, allowing me to still get horny with both 🙏🙏🙏 You're the real heroes!

- L

how messed up would it be if we locked matthias's romance behind also romancing lincoln 😂 like yeah, you can romance him, but ONLY if you romance his son first! Nah we may be evil but we're not that evil sdlkfj. good to know you have some standards though.

as a side note, just because an option *ahem pursuing both a father and his son* is included doesn't mean you all should pick it (not you L, i'm talking to the others in the room now 🤨) and if you do, don't you worry, us writers will charge you with a HEFTY horny tax that you won't believe. i sleep well at night, knowing that all our players will one day be punished for their sins 😌🙏

[wildspaceyokel]

Things I have managed to do in Act 1 so far:

(Spoilers ahead)

1. First thing I did was accidentally kick a squirrel into a bloody mist in the grove. RIP

2. Then I traded robes with Gale and couldn’t figure out how to trade back items (eventually I figured this out, but have been wearing Gale’s robes for RP reasons)

3. Didn’t realize the fire at the inn was a timed fight and so the whole thing burned to the ground 😭 Wyll is very sad. RIP.

4. Accidentally got the Druids to kill all the Tieflings and they did it in the most brutal way, locking them all in the prison and slaughtered them inside while I watched outside. RIP (reloaded an earlier save but do mess around in this Bad Future occasionally)

5. Set off a fire explosion so powerful in the Underdark that my computer crashed, and the lost mushroom hunter died. RIP.

6. Attempted to put the moves on Astarion at the party and was shot down in the most brutal of ways. I let that charming fucker suck my blood! Twice! Then he has the gall to keep flirting with me when I tell him to stay at camp. RIP my broken little heart.😭

7. Somehow ended up spending the night with Shadowheart. Not sure how we ended up in a romance but, here we are. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

8. Walked in on a bugbear and ogre having sex. Can’t unsee.

9. Tried to find Lae’zel, only found bloody pulp on the road instead. RIP.

10. Loaded my Bad Future playthrough to get with Astarion, only to have Minthara tell me that we will be having sex instead so decided to do as the drow says. Her romance scene was really hot and well done, but one detail took me by complete surprise… my character’s genitals!!! I didn’t click the “show naked” button when making my character and blindly assumed my female-looking body would have female parts, nope! Anyway, after the shock of realizing my half elf is hung, I’ve decided to roll with it in my mostly chaotic good blind playthrough.

11. Let the bard at camp remove my eyeball because clearly that’s a Normal Choice that Normal characters make.

[pensoluv]

𝑁𝑒𝑤 𝐶ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑𝑒 𝐴𝑈!

TW: mentions of trauma, family, revenge, hell, and rage/violence/bloodshed. Be careful, precious readers. Don’t force read it if you’re not doing well mentally, or are easily disturbed in general.

There might also be a bit of spoilers for Omori’s plot, so feel free to skip this if you’d rather wait until you’re fully ready or in the know.

Childe would absolutely eventually try to find where the Teyvat’s equivalent of hell is,

after learning about it,

after Zhongli told him about it,

after losing a bet and forming a contract to answer Childe’s weird questions.

This information would come in handy, if/when a foolish, now-dead enemy traumatises his family, just because they are related to a Fatui Harbinger, in this AU.

I can see him going to extreme lengths to further avenge his family, in the heat of his boiling anger.

No one messes with his family, and him not being there for his family, because of his Fatui duties and position, really messed his head up.

And so begins him painting a bloody path until he reaches his goal. To slay the person who did his family dirty. As he would have done for his family, if it wasn’t already too late when he arrived.

He’ll still have to help himself and his family to triumph over their inner demons though.

You get to attempt to help him, as his comrade/friend/f/o. You’re able to play a part in their healing processes.

It’ll take a lot of time, and a lot of effort from both sides though.

It’s because he and his family would still be stuck in their own head, reliving everything, for a long while. Trauma isn’t automatically erased after revenge.

Thus the headspace lore/game. As well as you being in the real Genshin world doing tasks while they deal with the first few things. By doing tasks regularly, you might be able to be there for them, if not entirely able to help.

The fighting-inner demons part (in their heads) would be more ‘peaceful’, in a way, as ‘peaceful’ as how you’d fight little sprout moles and the bosses in Omori. It’d be different from the Doomslayer mode Childe could end up being in, in this Genshin Alternate Universe.

P.S. Think of it as Omori x Doom x Genshin!

As you can see, I’ve been thinking about how Childe could possibly get triggered into more trauma in an AU, and how he’d snap, since he’s powerful in combat and survived a lot for the sake of his family.

I’ve also been rewatching a lot of playthroughs and AUs of Omori, which sparked the idea of Childe dealing with temporary peace and such. Family also comes into play in Childe’s character a lot, so it works in my book.

(Omori is Omocat’s indie video game, which has similar effects on you with DDLC, as you progress into the different paths and endings.)

[sunfishsiestalah]

Thoughts on a certain boss in Elden Ring who is considered to be the first canonically gay character in any Fromsoft games

(HUGE SPOILERS)

So Mohg, the Lord of Blood:

kidnapped his comatose/cocooning half-brother Miquella with the intent to becoming his consort and establish a new dynasty together

said half-brother is cursed with “eternal childhood”

here’s the description from Mohg’s rememberance:

Wishing to raise Miquella to full godhood, Mohg wished to

become his consort, taking the role of monarch. But no matter

how much of his bloody bedchamber he tried to share, he received

no response from the young Empyrean.

and might I add that he’s more “devil-looking” compared to his twin brother Morgott and other Omen borns + his spear resembles the devil’s pitchfork

Not gonna lie, I do dig his design and overall lore, also love that other characters just brushed him off as a depraved lunatic than a serious threat and heck, even the description of his robe said he is one lmao

While I understand that the The Lands Between and its inhabitants are really messed up just like every other soulsborne games, plus with GRRM taking the helm creating the story and the world (fratricide, kinslaying, incest, and characters with many aliases.. yep, this has GRRM all over it alright) which I have to admit this made the lore feels kinda fresh and bold compared to previous titles, I couldn’t help but feel this whole deal with Mohg is kinda, for lack of a better word,

sus

because of the undeniable weight he carried as the first textually implied gay character in the long list of fromsoft games

Am I reading too much into this whole thing? Absolutely. But still...yeah.

Additional thoughts:

No, I do not ship this at all bruh (I find the whole Miquella being dead(?)/hibernating, the eternal childhood thing and the blood relation between them are massive squicks for me)

Mohg’s robe and his followers’ attire (including Varré) are pure drip 🔥

His and Godrick’s depravity makes them stood out from other shardbearers

I crave more lore on the Omens and the Albinaurics

I’m fond of Mohg because he gave me a pleasant memory of obliterating him under 1 1⁄2 minutes with Mimic Tear + fully upgraded Ghiza’s Wheel in my first playthrough 😂 (he didn’t have the chance to do the nihil thing)

Also fat coinpurse ahead (420k runes whoooo yeah baby)

So, a majority of shardbearers served their own respective Outer Gods which I hope they will be fleshed out further in a DLC (fingers crossed)

Finally, kudos to Mohg’s voice actor (Con O'Neill) for accentuating his depth of character. Just listen to Mohg addressed Miquella barely above a whisper with utter reverence/adoration and compared to when he addressed the player in such a menacing tone in the cutscene before the bossfight

[bornetoblood]

There's a 10 pic limit, so I can't post all of my creations, but here's some of them.

This is Tarnished. She started with two eyes, changed their color three times, got shot in the same eye twice, got her finger bloodied and received burns. She's also buff (although the character creator can't give her such pronounced muscles the Ashen One has). She got herself involved in every amoral deed possible (eating dragon hearts, drugging people, invading people, betraying several people, getting fingered by the three fingers...).

My first f*cked up looking man, the DS1 randomizer dude. After his moans I'm not playing DS1 with dude protags anymore.

I have no idea how I gave him those eye covers from his own flesh.

I can't say what exactly made me press "make similar face" button as soon as I discovered it in my FIRST playthrough of DS2, but I did, so this is my Bearer of the Curse. The curse is probably her face deformities. She started off as a dude but then used the gender coffin and stayed like this. I think I've lost that screenshot, but her face is so messed up that when I'm wearing that hat with a monocle the monocle ends up as a nose ring instead.

The final look was this, because in DS2 I dressed for stats. She dual wields Smelter Demon Greatswords, the top pic is her at 50% of her power since she only has 1 Greatsword.

I abandoned my attempt at DS3 SL1 run for now, but this sniffing creature has a special place in my heart.

I also have to sleep, I may share more tomorrow.

I ADORE THESE WEIRD WEIRD FREAKS!!!!!!

[gummybuddha]

Doom Eternal

I beat Doom Eternal within the first month it was out, so after reaching its glorious but predictable ending, I decided that I would marinate on the game before writing anything about it. I also decided to avoid another playthrough, even though the game is enjoyable enough to warrant one, especially to a higher difficulty where the game is sure to shine.

I wanted to cleanse my gamer pallet a bit, so I played some games in my backlog, letting my time with Doom Eternal sink in my subconscious. There it has stayed, untouched and without as much as a recollection other than to chuckle at the memes that have resulted from the game’s rather brief story moments.

This is my current relationship with Doom Eternal, it is something I experienced at one point that allows me to make inside jokes with other people, but for some reason, I don't feel any call to revisit the game, at least not until the story DLC comes out.

Multiplayer was fun, but it lost its luster real quick. Compared to the original Doom's cooperative multiplayer and Death Match modes, Battle Mode feels a little lacking, even for as good as it is. Which is a shame, because I could see Battlemode being really good, it's just something that needs a little community and dev support backing it to become something a little more lasting, and I am not sure if either faction is up for that.

Doom Eternal is a great game, but if I am comparing it to the sheer cultural force of what Doom 95 was, I quickly find that while Doom Eternal is a great tribute to the house that Carmack and Romero built, it feels like it's presenting an interpretation of what Doom was and can be while missing the core beats of why Doom 95 was such a juggernaut.

To me, Doom Eternal is the Triple-A conclusion of Brutal Doom, the mod most notoriously known for upping the gore level to an already bloody game, so this:

Becomes this:

Now I got nothing against Brutal Doom. I enjoy it, I enjoy the power fantasy it provides. Everything it does, it does on top of everything the original Doom presents. It leaves nothing on the floor, it adds to the notion of what Doom is.  But Doom 2016 and Doom Eternal are both games that try to copy this and push it into the modern age with top of the art visuals and buttery smooth gameplay. What is presented is game development on the highest level, to deny the game at least that, would be a crime. It’s good. But it’s not Doom 95 good.  Doom 2016 already hit the speed bump. As good as Snap Map is or was, it can’t hold a candle to the various map making programs that have held up some of the best work from the various map makers from the Doom community.

Having a community able to make content for a game that pushes it’s lifespan to two decades and a half, is no joking matter. It's the life blood of the Doom community and it’s the biggest element missing from the newest Doom Trilogy. That alone, is probably the sole reason that Doom Eternal and 2016 don’t stay in my mind for very long, the sheer adrenaline rush of both games means that no stone is unturned, so when you hit the end of the ride, there is no reason to go back unless you want the best challenge the games can offer in the hardest difficulty, after that, you have seen it all.  Compare that the original Doom, and you quickly see how Doom 95 became a canvas for those eager to see how far they could push the earliest mapping tools.  To this day, there is nothing that impresses me more than Doom maps.

You can show me all the fancy modern video game levels and I might pick a few of my favorites, but there is a reason this became a meme. 

As well intentioned as it was, Snap Map felt like a slap in the face. For some reason the devs at Id thought the community would be happy with a Halo Forge equivalent map maker for Doom, without even bothering to consider that map making for the original doom was entirely built out of the community, it was never something offered from the original devs apart from Carmack giving his blessing for people to mess with the original code, probably the single greatest gift a creator can grant his fans.  I played with Snap Map, but to me, it was not interesting, it offered little compared to the sheer amount of accomplishment I would gain in actually taking the time to learn how to map for the original Doom, so it’s no surprise that Snap Map is missing from Doom Eternal.

People have asked id about expanding on mapping and modding in general, and id’s official response thus far is that Doom Eternal would be too complicated to launch with mods, which to me, just sounds like such a bullshit response to the demand.  Now I get that there may be some person reading this and thinking that holding a grudge against the modern Doom Trilogy (You know they are gonna do a third game...come on this is the game industry...) simply because it does not have a way to make maps and mods is silly and I get that. I also understand that using the tools to make a map for Doom 95 is way quicker than trying to do it for a game like Doom Eternal.  But that does not mean people would not love to try, that there would not be some super dedicated members of the community that would not figure it out and make awesome stuff, or people forming super modding teams to create awesome projects because those people exist, and those are the people that should be encouraged to enter the game industry because those are gonna be the most talented people with the most passion, or at least that��s what I think anyway.  Maybe that is my hidden gripe with Doom Eternal, it's a great game that shows the opulence of modern games, but also highlights everything the industry gave up to get here. The game pokes at my suspicion that there will be less people like John Carmack, and not more of them, and that games and how they are enjoyed will become more insular, and less about community. 

[pestopascal]

do you have vivenne as divine? i prefer leliana because i know her better. i never got cassandra for it but i think she would be a good choice as well. they all have strengths and weaknesses but i never really see people who have vivenne

on my first playthrough i did get leliana, if only because of how the nomination part actually works in the game to literally fudge the numbers so youre more likely to get leliana, then cassandra, then vivenne. but since then i always aim for vivenne.

i guess it depends on the kind of person you are when taking a step back and seeing the strengths and weaknesses. vivienne is consistently, narratively, portrayed in game as likely going to betray you - down to the malificent style clothing, being so cold and poised, and speaking from a position of... empowerment, i guess? like “oh she got to be so powerful as a mage because of xyz and shes always so much better” like in no way does the game truly try to actually make you trust her, and unless you do her companion quest, which most people end up not doing, you finally get some effort for them to like. humanise her. or soften her. they literally set her up to fail, never mind giving you absolutely no backstory, and for (most) people, their introductory conversation with her when playing a dalish mage, was her almost snubbing you lmao like. of course people were put off? what are they supposed to like? was bioware just banking on people liking her because shes a strong black woman? yes because they love ticking off their little diversity boxes with no effort and banking on people eating that shit up

but i like her the best for divine because one) putting a mage on the absolute seat of power in the south is a big fuck you to the chantry, two) she is intimately familiar with being on the other side of barely tolerated and knows how it works and three) she’s the only one who makes a point of bringing up education.

like fuck the church. absolutely. they can try to twist it all the way through dai as being so good and on your side, but they also had two previous games (never mind all the additional external media) literally setting the chantry up as one of the over arching evils. i mean, exalted marches? for fucks sake. leliana... i have my grievances with her character and how she’s biowares favourite for da, but she went from doing her own thing, to “finding peace” and spending the larger part of the first game professing pro-church mantra, and then becoming the left hand of the divine, to the point it “hardens” her and you have to “soften” her to get her better ending as divine. like she’s all about that bloodshed and shutting down riots aggressively, or assassinations. not to say people in positions of power dont do that, but she just does a complete overhaul and kind of wipes her hands of it? like she thinks she knows what it’s like, and sees the idea of tearing down towers and whatnot as the best solution. and cassandra is the more extreme version of keeping the towers in check, personally, and rebuilding the seekers and blah blah, chantry on steroids. which i always kind of questioned because she does sort of loosen up as the story progresses but i guess the fuck not! consistent writing? bioware doesnt know her.

vivienne knows it will take time. like not everything has time, but with her overseeing the chantry, she’s in control. she makes the calls. people who played the game and didn’t mesh with her character don’t want her there, because even the ENDING sabotages her character. at no point does bioware try to make you like vivienne. like they give you an option to mess with her bloody companion quest, like more personally than others imo. but yeah. vivienne keeps the towers, because education is important instead of throwing a bunch of scared shitless, more than likely abandoned, mages into the wild to teach themselves. with how the chantry fucked over mages, they are consistently said to “not know how to survive” outside the circle. also if theyre outside, and people still hold onto their beliefs, so like, poor crop? blame the mage. like the game doesnt tell you vivenne reduces the templar presence at the towers. they almost mimic the rivaini tower (which, btw, gets marched on for being “too free” prior to all this). like it just goes “oh and fiona gets her knickers in a knot and establishes a free college” well okay first of all fiona, whatever. second of all, in a way its just MORE education. maybe not watched over, but it’s freely accessible and exists. vivienne is the only one who acknowledges that the chantry is so deeply rooted in literally everything in the south of thedas (but especially orlais), that to get rid of it, she’s gonna need to keep digging. slowly but surely. and we can make real life comparisons sure, but at the end of the day, bioware buried vivienne so fucking hard to this day people still hate her, and purposely sabotage her, because of a few choice character designs and ‘oh she didnt immediately love my character? she’s the worst person’.

and that’s not even going at the racism either.

[wingedchickadee]

Why did I get into Dying Light Late

I’m replaying dying light for the second time, with my first playthrough being almost 35 hours.

(I started the Following DLC but I honestly don’t like it that much? It might be that I’m just a bad driver and don’t want to grind another skill; especially when my car isn’t fast enough to drive at night to get the points and not die 🤷‍♀️). I digress though.

Anyway!

I got into it super late into the game, and you know what I’m craving? Fan fiction. You know what I’ve read all the ones I’m going to? All the bloody fan fiction on ao3.

I hated the middle and end of the story, like, I knew what it was going into it but my god. Crane is.....well, he’s a sack of white potatoe who while literally being called out by Rais as being only a puppet....like.

I know the meta is that Crane literally is a puppet, but the story couldve really done with either some editing or some choices. (Which I’m hoping the second game actually fixes). But my god. He didn’t need to destroy the antizin.

But my issues, besides craving fan fiction that isn’t being created anymore. Is that I want to write it. But. I also don’t want to cause probably no one will read it?? Has that stopped me before? Yes. Will it stop me now? Probably? Idk. I might just drink some bourbon and tap away on my keyboard.

Also I think this is the most ive written in awhile, and my god, is it a mess lol. So this has been my rambling and sorta coherent dying light thoughts lol.