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#my friend. i dont know how to tell you that its a GOOD THING to criticize your media.
angelwishess · 1 day
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— 🎀🕊️ The ethereal yet odd prefect of Ramshackle.
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“How did I get here? Why, I wished upon a star, of course!”
Nicknames: Prefect / Prefect of Ramshackle, Henchman (Grim), Trickster (Rook), Little Shrimpy (Floyd), Kid (Leona), Child of Man (Malleus), Lacy
Grade/Class: Freshman/Class A
Birthday: May 5
Age: 16
Height: 170.18 cm (5’7 ft) ( 175.26/5’9 with her heels!)
Dominant Hand: Right
Homeland: ???
Club: None yet !
Best Subject: Animal Languages
Hobbies: Designing and making clothes
Pet Peeves: Indecisiveness and living routinely
Favourite Food: Burgers !
Least Favorite Food: Steamed fish and liver
Talent: Making clothes out of just about anything!
Likes : Fashion, Cute things, Mythology, Folklore, Flower language, “Adventure”, Anything considered “Art”, Ribbons n’ frills, Pranks n’ mischief, Amusement parks, Cute sweets and cafe hopping!!!
Dislikes : “Boring things”, Normalcy/Living life routinely, pessimism, indecisiveness, lack of freedom, strong smells, studying, silence, humid weather.
Gender & Sexuality: cis girl, demisexual + demiromantic
Voice Claim(s):
ENG: Briana White (Aerith from Final Fantasy)
JP: ??? (None yet!)
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
— ₊˚⊹ The mysterious prefect from another world, Kyra Lovelace exudes an ethereal aura that draws in people and animals alike.
Easy to approach, its easy to let your guard down around her without even realizing it! Well, mostly because she doesn’t seem like a threat at all.
It almost feels like she was pulled straight out of a fairy tale! The way critters big and small flock to her— they say that they even helped her clean up the Campus when she was still a janitor!
(Strangely enough, this also extends to beastmen and merfolk. Such a strange thing, isn’t she?)
With how kind she is, it feels like she really is an angel sent from above! Ever so eager to help whenever she can without ever asking for a thing back, even if they never even asked her.
Of course, people aren’t always as they seem.
Kyra is an uncontrollable force of impulsivity and chaos! Wherever she goes, trouble is sure to follow! With an insatiable desire for adventure and an almost childish curiosity and wonder of everything— Kyra is much more mischevious than you’d think!
Incredibly chatty and foul-mouthed (and fluent in brainrot) with absolutely zero filter, Kyra says whatever is on her mind, and does whatever she wants, whenever she wants!
So dont be surprised if she randomly dissappears out of nowhere, only to come back with trouble burning hot on her heels, and eyes full of wonder! Shes an odd one, thats for sure. You never know whats going to come out of her mouth!
Despite how rambunctious and uncontrollable she is— you’ll find that she’s wormed herself into your heart, and its already too late! Because once she sees you as a friend? Hah, good luck getting rid of her!
An amazing friend in all seriousness, but be ready to face whatever trouble she brings with her! The definition of ride or die, if you can’t handle it then don’t bother sticking around, cuz’ the fun (and chaos) never stops when Kyra is around!
Its undeniable that Kyra leaves an impression! Shes the kind of person you’ll remember even years after a little interaction, she leaves a mark on everyone she meets and her larger-than-life persona is sure to be remembered by all! If you’ve met her, you’ll never forget her. Thats for sure!
Even if she seems rather naive and simple minded at times, shes actually very thoughtful. She has an admirable view of life, and honestly? The best way to describe her is love itself.
She loves so, so very much. Shes so full of it, and it overflows onto the people she interacts with. Shes very emotionally intelligent, and knows just the right things to say to people. A lover in spirit, she can tell when someone’s hurting. After all, shes been there, too.
Perhaps its a little foolish, she can be too trusting of others, choosing to see the best in everyone regardless of who they are. But she’d rather love too much than not at all.
She loves living, she loves every little thing. She has no room for shame nor hesitation because she loves living so very much, she refuses to waste time standing at the sidelines (Not anymore). She lives without regrets, with no restraint, nor fear. She lives as she pleases because that is what living should truly be, shameless and raw. To be who you truly are unashamed, to let yourself shine brighter than the stars! ♡
Sadness is nothing to be ashamed of. Feeling overwhelmed? Stop on by at Ramshackle, and the little mischevious angel of a prefect is sure to sit down with you and listen. Because, she loves you, too!
“Whats done is done, nothin’ we can do about it now other than laugh about it and move forward! Whats the point in feelin’ bad anyways? No point in waiting for the world to stop spinning, yeah?”
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—₊˚⊹ Funfacts n’ Trivia !
(+ some doodles~)
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(the quality is so bad pls…)
🎀 Kyra is not twisted / based on a specific character, but she is just the embodiment of the kind of person i aspire to be! Free, positive, and full of love! Basically a ball of blazing chaos and love, with a lust for life.
🎀 I gave her some typical Disney Princess characteristics (the talking to animals, ethereal beauty, ykyk) just because i thought it’d be funny paired with her personality!
🎀 Kyra’s name means “Shiny” in Japanese, but it can mean “Lord”, “Princess” or “Lady” in other languages!
🎀 Uses her affinity with animals for her ‘little shit’ shennanigans. Has sent an army of rats to Octavinelle during Book 3 out of pure spite, and always wins Croquet with Heartslabyul because the hedgehogs roll into the goals even though she clearly missed (shes actually really bad at croquet.
🎀 ^^ Her natural ability to draw in animals doesn’t stop there— but it seems beastmen and merfolk alike are also drawn towards Kyra! Although much more subtly. Though, don’t be surprised if a beastman comes sniffing around her without warning! (She doesn’t mind, she finds it cute!)
🎀 With waaay too much energy, Kyra just cant stay still for a minute! Always off on some random side quest, working a part-time job at Sam’s just for the fun of it to partying it up with Scarabia, she just can’t stick to one thing for too long! She’ll dissappear for a minute and come back with something completely random. You really never know with her.
(Parents got confused and picked Side Quest Daughter)
🎀 She has a concerningly high pain tolerance. Could be stabbed and be bleeding out but wont notice until someone points it out.
🎀 A total klutz. Shes so clumsy its actually unbelievable how clumsy she is. She could be walking so gracefully then suddenly trip on air. Bumps into literally everything. (The truth about her high pain tolerance— its because shes so clumsy shes so used to getting hurt by random things)
🎀 She adores fashion and hopes to one day be a fashion designer! Her personal style is himekaji.
🎀 She customized her uniform herself, and has always been fond of making her own clothes out of spare cloths and fabrics ever since she was a child! Her first ever dress she made was from the fabric of a curtain.
🎀 Despite how rambunctious she can be— Kyra can also be incredibly gentle. This comes out whenever taking care of her friends, even if she finds it funny to (playfully) bully them, she doesn’t mind letting them lay in her lap and quietly singing to them until they fall asleep.
🎀 She has a scarily good inuition!
🎀 Hoards things like a goblin. Whatever random object she finds she just keeps it, regardless if its worth anything. Her ‘hoard’ consists of trinkets that vary from ‘cool shaped rock on the side of the road’ to ‘a literal gemstone mined from the depths of Briar Valley my friend Hornton gave me!’.
—₊˚⊹ Fatal Flaw(s) :
💔 (Self) Toxic Positivity : Anyone who knows Kyra knows just how positive she is. But, what they don’t know is how deeply imbedded it is in herself. Although Kyra always speaks about how important it is to allow yourself to express your emotions, be it anger or sadness, she encourages others to express themselves.
But that does not go for herself. For some reason, she refuses to ever show any sign of “negative” emotions in herself.
Toxic positivity is a "pressure to stay upbeat no matter how dire one's circumstance is", which may prevent emotional coping by feeling otherwise natural emotions. Toxic positivity happens when people believe that negative thoughts about anything should be avoided. Even in response to events which normally would evoke sadness, such as loss or hardships, positivity is encouraged as a means to cope, but tends to overlook and dismiss true expression.
Instead of properly coping when faced with overwhelming, negative emotions, she instead chooses to ignore it entirely. She jokes about it, and pretends it doesn’t exist. All of these pent up emotions keep on layering on eachother, yet she continues to bottle it all up until she explodes.
💔 Impulsivity, with zero regard for safety : Infamously known for her reckless behavior, but her impulsiveness constantly puts her in danger. It doesn’t matter how many times she gets hurt, she just keeps on doing it— constantly running head first into danger again and again with zero regard for her own safety and health.
“If you keep waiting until you’re ready, you’ll be waiting for your entire life. People will always judge you no matter the time of day, so just go on and be yourself!”
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—₊˚⊹ Notable Relationships !
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— Kyra x Floyd !! (AngEel)
(Yeah they have the dumbest ship name ever but i think that makes it fit even more theyre so STUPID !!! IM GONNA BITE RHEM !!!!!!)
SLOWBURN IDIOTS TO LOVERS !!! SLOWBURN IDIOTS TO LOVERS SLOWBURN IDIOTS TO LOVER SLOWBURNIDIOTSTOLOVERS THEYRE SO AAAA
The cutiest patooties EVER !!! If you like a dramatic, angsty ship, unfortunately they aren’t for you !!! The only thing you’ll get from Floyd n’ Kyra is tooth rotting, diabetes inducing FLUFF and a major headache while watching them obviously be basically a couple— but refuse to acknowledge it.
Ever since they both caught a glimpse of eachother, there was always this strange feeling of familiarity. As if they’ve met before, somewhere… Perhaps once upon a dream? (Nah, jk. Opening scene ref!!! She took his hand teehee)
They’re canonically soulmates. Eachothers compliment, theres no one on land nor under the sea that could ever be as in sync with Floyd as Kyra is. They just… Click. Their hearts beat in the same pattern, and they’re always on the same page. Well, even when they aren’t and they argue, they can never stay mad at eachother for too long.
Remember what I said about Kyra being naturally very touchy? Yeah, this is a whole new level. Kyra has no problems showering Floyd in kisses and affection, both physically and verbally, even if they are in public. She doesn’t see how it could be seen wrong, after all they are just the best of friends !! Shes just really comfortable with him, thats all.
In fact, she gets cuteness aggression from him! Thinks that hes the cutest thing ever, and she just cant help but swoon and coo at him, squish his cheeks and pepper his face with kisses!
Floyd doesn’t mind at all! And returns the favor! Of course, there are times where he isn’t in the mood, and Kyra is more than understanding. But no matter how upset or angry Floyd gets, he could never be at Kyra. He’ll come to her grumbling about whatever hes annoyed about and melt into her arms, and she’ll listen while carressing his hair and humming along.
Its hard not to assume the two are dating, when Kyra runs into his arms at match speed once hes in view, and he picks her up n’ spins her around like they didn’t just see eachother earlier in the morning. Hard not to assume they’re dating when Kyra tells him ‘I love you!’ So shamelessly in public.
Hard not to assume things when Floyd is so obviously, ridiculously soft around her. Absolutely smitten, you can practically see his heart eyes, paired with that lopsided, dopey grin. Not to mention the way his mood seems to do a total 180 and cheering right up when Kyra is around! He could never get bored with her, even when they’re doing nothing but laying in bed together in silence. Everything they do, in his opinion, as long as theyre together, then its fun.
Are they really that oblivious…? Theres no way… But, it seems as time passes, the realization is beginning to dawn on both of them! Its about time! (No, seriously. Everyone is sick of them. Especially Ace. Gags whenever he sees them being all “lovey dovey”, pun intended.)
— Kyra & Leona !!
After Book 2 Kyra basically looked at Leona and said “yeah, thats gonna be my big bro!” And ever since she just refuses to leave him alone. Literally.
Kyra sees the good in Leona, she knows deep down he does care for the people around him even if he says he doesnt. And she finds it so endearing!! She loves him dearly as her big brother, and wants to help him get his motivation back!!! (Has absolutely tricked him into doing his own homework by pretending it was hers.)
Though he won’t admit it, he sees her as a little sister and somehow takes pride in knowing she knows she can depend on him.
— Kyra & Malleus !!
The best of friends ! Late night walks where Malleus— or, Hornton, talks about gargoyles and Kyra listens, and talks about whatever comes to mind. Kyra always invites Hornton to Ramshackle for a little hangout, and she enjoys playfully bullying and bantering with him. Malleus finds it amusing how ‘brave’ she is, and plays along. What a funny little human!
Who could be a better friend than Kyra? She was practically meant for this! Platonic soulmates?? I think yes!!!!!!
They exchange random little facts, Malleus talking about gargoyles n’ architecture while Kyra talks about mythology from her world! (“He… Ate his own children…?” “Haha, yeah.”)
Kyra absolutely teaches Malleus brainrot. She has no regrets.
— Kyra & Adeuce Duo !!
Her day ones, and also victims of her Found Family Beam. (Seriously, shes just out here building a family like this shit is Toca Life 😭😭)
She especially has a soft spot for Ace! Even though she bullies him the most and they banter (and fight) like siblings, she cares for him more than she’d ever admit.
She finds Deuce adorable! His biggest supporter, even if she doesn’t like studying, she tries to help him whenever she can! (Jokes that Deuce is her favorite and she’d “throw Ace in the trash”.)
Adores the two with all her heart. Will always be looking out of them in both big and small ways, she trusts them entirely, fully! Would trust them with her life, but not with the food she was saving for herself.
— Kyra & Grim !!
She always found Grim so very cute! As an animal lover, she couldn’t bring herself to ever dislike Grim. Of course, they got even closer as time passed, and she cares for him like a son! Views him as such, and loves to cradle him in her arms. (In private, of course. The Great Grim has a reputation to keep up!!)
— Kyra & Divius Crewel !!
Same thing that happened with Leona, she kind of just looked at him and went “Mmm yes, father figure time!!!”
Although she doesn’t like to open up much, she often finds herself doing just that when talking to Crewel one on one. She feels as if she can rely on him.
Admires him a lot! Especially with his designs, she begged him to teach her some of his tricks that he picked up. Her biggest inspiration to pursue fashion designing as a career! Shes so thankful for him, as a role model and as a father figure.
“The world is so much more beautiful than most realize. Life is a gift. Don’t worry, you can rest. I’ll be right here until the sun rises again, and we can face tomorrow together.”
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Hey didn’t Shubble say that Wilbur would bit her in front of other people and she would “play along”? Aside from the obvious, she admitted that actively hid how she felt about some of the things he did. And she doubles down on that line of thinking, when Wilbur was depressed and couldn’t clean, did she say she tried talking to him or his friends and family for help? No she just stayed silent and cleaned. She claims Wilbur bit down a bit harder after she said the safe word? Well if he was used to biting up to that point wouldn’t he be surprised or shocked when he heard it? She doesn’t tell him off or ask him not to do it anymore, she implies it happened multiple times. That she gave him her permission to keep going. It shows that she would hide things from him that he would need to know, and she has the audacity to complain how he should’ve known?! Like girl if you had a problem with him then it’s up to you to talk to him about it!
Thats what im thinking! She said they talked it out, but it sounds like she was never honest with him and is blaming HIM for HER dishonesty, like girl people arent mind readers and dont gain the ability to read minds when you fucking start dating eachother.
Like if shes lying to him, thats not him being manupltive thats her not advocating for herself and or communicating honestly with her partner.
Shes the source the problem shes complaining about and the fact she has the nerve, my gods undatable. Shes undatable. Shes so neurotypical. Her talking mental health and depression makes it clear, shes very not demure mindful and very neurotypical.
And i dont say that with a funny haha, i mean shes generic white girl with firet world issues number 1097933 looking for excuses and drama. Im pretty sure she had less of an issue back then and then some friends conviencied her it was an issue.
Shes extremely dumb too, she keeps insisting because she never name dropped in her FIRST time talking about the issue that means she cant be sued when she would kater change the accuations and admit its him shes talking about, meaning technically yes, especially than thats hes coming to america, he CAN 100% slap back with a lawsuit of various kinds.
By her changing the story, shes actually giving herself less legal ground to stand out. Where as wilbur actually didnt admit to it, just said "im sorry you felt that way, i had no idea, i wish i knew because i have texts saying the opposite of what your claiming and we could have talked it out" like more or less, but like
Notice how wilbur doesnt bring up the accuations every two weeks, notice how hes not giving himself every other breath to change his story, hes not letting himself do that and by doing so hes giving himself more legal ground by ensuring he can keep his story straight. Hes doubling down on his version of events, but he didnt retell his version of events when hes annoucing hes doubling down, hes just saying that hes not changing his story and thats it.
Shelby even if unintentionally, has changed story and technically harrassed him trying to change the limelight to focus on her every other week, thats in the eyes of court, not the actions of a victim an innocent person. Thats the accuations of someone whos cried wolf and wants attention because she thinks shes pretty and people will gkve her what she wants.
Like her behavoir is text book "how to spot a liar" and im honestly annoyed at how dumb and sheep like her followers and @ranboosaysstuffs is. Like not my fuilt theyre gullible mindless sheep with no personaility and need someone else to tell them what to think or what to believe.
Like 🫠 honestly if you gonna be like that just leave the fandom, im glad Ranboo dropped minecrfat because honestly his old friends were too good for him and they dont deserve them, his old friends, tcehnoblade, philza, tommy deserve better than that spineless coward.
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reel-fear · 4 months
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
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2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
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5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
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Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
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7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
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He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
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So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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faaun · 9 months
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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skunkes · 4 months
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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oh-cramity-its-amity · 2 months
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i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!
#thank u blake. u really helped#also nessa!! thank u for that reblog about your perspective on my one post about feeling lost career wise#it helps me to know im not the only one living this life because holy fuck i can feel confused sometimes because.. am i doing this right?#and you know what? theres no correct path that i think there is but im just not good without a direct direction. it makes me a little#anxious about things#i dont know if its because i have some form of a disorder but i function better when i plan stuff out and give myself something to#decompress the problems and thoughts because in my brain theyre just all stuck and clumped together#and that can get a bit scary and overwhelming!!!#im just glad i have people that care about me. it means literally everything to me#so even if i dont 100% reply dont think i dont care because literally any ANY advice or kindness you show to me means the world#we're all just living this little life and we might as well make the best of it#people care..... thats just.... its good... it makes me feel less alone that people do#i love my friends so much#evennnn if we dont talk every day or are only mutuals in passing!!! it literally means a lot if people show me kindness#like holy shit!!! your older than me? and your dealing with a similar experience??? and your telling me that its okay??? and that itll be#okay?????#like#just the reassurance that things will be okay and work out and that im not the only one dealing with a feeling like mine#idk sometimes i just feel like im crazy and like my thoughts make no sense?? you know?? but yall get it#im glad that i have people who are older than me in my life cause yall have experienced stuff that i can use to be better#like your life experiences can help me in a way that can make a difference on my perspective on things#its why i like talking to my coworkers. because theyve seen things and done things i havent and their perspective can teach me potentially#i just dont feel so overwhelmed with life when i talk to people who understand#i feel so young and yet old enough to know but even the people who are older dont know so im sort of on the right track i suppose depending#on how you look at it#so- im just gonna live my life and smile because!!! you gotta.#you gotta surround yourself with people who can enrich you and teach you things for the better and make you want to grow#some of you are like that#you may not know that#but that kindness means so much
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bueris · 4 months
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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arts-i-enjoy · 7 months
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AHHHHHH
#this post brought to you by: me#i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses#i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP#like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready#anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT#and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk#and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message#even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL#AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year#i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job#which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind#so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something#on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now#on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT#but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to#richard started yelling and swearing el oh el#might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option#the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going#idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks#this is why i want to get out of here#also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about#not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!
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thebigqueer · 21 days
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2 years ago i fucked up a friendship w a girl (that im pretty sure i was in love with). to this day i think of her and sometimes when i see her on the street i just wanna cry. i understand your plight very much.
yeahhh man im sorry to hear that!!! it genuinely fucking sucks and i would never wish this upon anyone. cuz like it makes you fully think about all the what ifs and i genuilnely dont think ill ever find someone like her again
#im not trying to sound dramatic im being so serious she was so fucking perfect for me#i geuss the difference is shes the one who broke up w me and i know i didnt do anything wrong#neither of us did#its just like fuck!!! you know?? like we could have been so much#serious relationships dont need to be longterm to be serious you know???#one of these days im going to get tipsy and then 'drunk' text her even though i fiully intend to text her#and then claim i was just drunk because im notl ying im just not telling the full truth#like i fully considered it last night but i knew it would be a bad idea and i know if i do it its just gonna fuck things up more#but im soooo tempted man#like i dont know what itll even do#i know inside my goal is to maybe convince her that its not our time to end but i know in reality#its just gonna make her feel guilty and push her away even more if i show her how much ic are abou ther#i just seriously wish i understood why she even did it#i also thought being back on campus would help and i mean it has for sure becuase ive had my friends to distract me#but the thing is im not enjoying anything. like im not being distracted im just being numbed ykwim#cuz the moment i leave my friends all i do is think about her#and even when im WITH my friends ill be in the moment w them and then 2 minutes later ill start zoning out thinking about her#like the worst part about this is i dont have any anger *against* her#maybe im angry about like the general situation but the anger isnt against her#and while being angry is its own kind of pain in a way it can be easier cuz at least then youre tempted to have a good time and show off#but when its like this where youre just sad at the situation like what am i actually gonna do except think about her#sorry anon im not trying to dump on you i just start ranting in the tags sometimes#sunny rambles#anon tag#asks
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bloodyke · 9 months
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idk im just generally very pissed off that most people in my life dismiss and ignore my disabilities even when i bring it up like i do struggle every day and its frustrating that im only taken seriously when i reach my breaking point and start sobbing in front of them
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ghhh i miss being in israel so bad
#like yeah it sucks ass there but istg i miss it so bad#like my view of being there is very specific because it’s always like just for family and friends no work or school or anything but still.#i need the vibes and the food and sjfkkf#i need the food so bad#theres like nearly nothing good to eat in aus unless you eat out#and im aware the good food in israel is eating out too BUT there is a difference between the expensive food in australia and the pastries in#israel which are like 14 shekels for 3 pastries and thats like a whole meal ur full#14 shekels in AUD would be roughly like. $5#ah shir#$5.60#meanwhile to get actually good food here its like 13$ for hotpot (which is cheap for food here)#or like 25$ for lasagna#and like what else is there. no clue i dont know#at least this one supermarket finally stocks israeli pickles again FINALLY#and the good brand too#finally had people (my parents) telling me off for eating pickles and drinking milk like one after the other as if thats not a normal thing#(its not a normal thing)#(but its my thing. pickles and milk <3)#omg once in israel right#i was at my paternal grandmas house with my dad grandma and my dads friend#and we were playing cards and shit and eating pickles#and i just sort of ate one pickle in like one bite i guess?? idk? (and these are like the medium 7-9 in a can not even small 10-11 in a can)#and this just made my dads friend CRACK UP like it was rhe funniest thing hed seen#like my guy u grew up with nu pogodi. youve seen funnier#but whatever it was hilarious he found it so entertain how i just practically swallowed it up#hes so silly i love him#i dont think i saw him last time i went to israel cos i was only there like tue-fri like 3 nights or something#fjdjkgkfjt i miss israel so much#such a shithole but its my shithole <3 miss it so much
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horrorwebs · 1 year
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why are men literally the fucking worst
#theres a guy in one of my uni friend groups who has a crush on my friend also from the friend group#and she feels so so uncomfortable plus she hasnt done ANYTHING thatd give a hint that she likes him back. bc she doesnt#and now she doesnt feel ok around because hes so attached to her and so so needy and its like. well. way to fuck it up dude. fuck you#he has been acting so strange lately and not in a good way. strange awkward and needy and like. possesive.#her and i also have another friendgroup where frankly i feel much better with and she does too. and its like. well the guy is always like#butting in but now really being part of anything? like its not like he comes over to the grouo to be with all of us hes just sort of . there#talking only to her or sometimes me but its like not nice its weird and annoying#ALSO HES SO PATRONIZING TOWARDS HER ITS AWFUL#AND hes like. a bit older.... where its not like. the weirdest age gap i dont think so. but it IS a bit weird considering some of the things#he has said. like the other day he made a comment about how my friend 'well shes so young like people her age sometimes dont get [x]' like?#if you think she is SOOO young and SOOO out of touch with people your age well why the fuck are you asking others if you have a chance w her#get away from her really#sidenote: today she was telling me and a different friend about this problem and my other friend said it was really uncomfortable and bad +#that he used to think the guy had a thing for ME BEFORE??? and i dont know if he also thought -i- had a thing for him but please god no.#even the hypothetical made me feel super uncomfortable. also i used to feel like that a bit like he might like me and it was bad and gross#so i dropped a comment that let him believe i was a lesbian i think? also got much colder towards him . like. thats what you get fucker#about the lesbian thing i meant that he told me about a friend of his that had it hard coming out as a lesbian and i said like oh yeah being#like that was hard for me also. finding out i was not straight was tough etc .#dont remember if i said the word lesbian i dont think so but i did say i like girls and i didnt mention boys at all so i hoped itd be enough#also people dont really -get- what being asexuas means + didnt want to tell him im ace + techically i Can like boys bc romantic attraction#is undefined to me but i was definetely not going to tell him that bc 1. im much more prone to like a girl and 2. not trying to get his hope#up.#so anyway it was gross to realize other people saw it too so i mightve actually not been insane to think he had a crush on me but it was bad#and also. i really need for my friend to be comfortable in class so i might have to kill him who knows. well see#spikeposting#personal
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pyrriax · 3 months
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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#caint sleep because my brain wont shut off and also because its super hot#i just keep. thinking#a lot of it is fake scenarios of telling people off that i hate#other topics include: mentally applying to jobs. worrying about my financial state. remembering how much i love my animals#fantasy high. my summer camp job (a loooot of that). my friend that i have a crush on. my rats being incredibly loud#and more! and then it is so fucking hot in my room. like its all boiling. i might be dying of heat (not actually)#but it was raining earlier so i couldn't open my window (i just opened it so im dying less) and we dont have the ac on and i dont own a fan#its a difficult life that i lead#but most importantly: im moving in less than a month. back to my hometown. and im truly not prepared#very much not packed. the place is in a state of disrepair. its unclean#very sleepy. tired. overwhelmed. etc#but its okay! its all gonna be okay. there are things to look forward to and things that make it okay#in a few weeks im meeting one of my oldest friends who is also a tumblr mutual. i didnt know that could happen. but its happening!#so theres that. and also i have a friend i havent seen in a year but we're gonna be working together this summer!! i get to spend#the whole summer with her! and i have animals that i love. and birds exist. and i have a lot of cool friends#and i live with my sibling who is also moving so that's someone to share the burden with#so its all gonna be okay. it just never feels like that when its 6am and youve been trying to sleep for two hours but cant#okay have a good night everyone i love you
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comradecowplant · 6 months
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so things are not going well with my new elderly socdem friend unfortunately.
#she said this RIGHT after talking about how bad yt misinfo is... which she followed up w SO I WAS WATCHING A YT DOC ABOUT WW2 & LEARNED THIS#youtube 'historians' are literally the most fascist breed of youtuber. avoid the vast majority like the plague lmao#i asked if the video was sourcing the hollow dahmer & the black book of communism & she didnt seem to know what those are lol#to her credit i told her straight up that she was incorrect & she at least faked being curious about doing more research but i am doubting#she also 'learned' that lenin killed trotsky lol get your propaganda right lenin was dead by then STALIN icepicked him <3#anyway im making jokes bc the worst part was a different conversation where she spoke positively of israel#THAT'S gonna be the one to ruin our friendship. fuck you & your war tourist friend who fought in the 1960s landgrabs that youre now#telling me as if this is a cute story. nahhhh lmao i looked her straight in the eye & said i will NOT debate this#so she dropped it like the true enlightened centrist most socdem cowards are and i kept cleaning her house quietly#turns out You & Me We're the Only Ones Around Here Who Aren't Complete Fools was premature *kicks the poorly rendered gravel sadly*#shes otherwise a nice lady & i know i need to be more flexible in order to hopefully change ppls minds...#but also when people say awful & untrue things it makes me not want to talk to you 🤷‍♂️ srry 2 b a freak like that#also i know shes not transphobic but i havent sniffed her out well enough to know if shes safe to come out to#so its hours of misgendering (which isnt her fault she doesnt know) bc shes obsessed with neoliberal feminism and inappropriately brings#gender into conversations that it does not belong in#'did you know all the countries that handled covid best were ran by women?' 1) untrue 2) dont care finland still sucks#she also tried to tell me that european rich people learned to be nicer after the french rev & thats why europe is better than america...#girl shut up we learned how to be so good at racism and capitalism BECAUSE of europe. there is no such thing as a good rich person!!!#i pick my battles (genocide & anticommunist genocide revisionism) so i let her cook w that one & was not left convinced as you can imagine#ANYWAY rant about today's weird day done. gonna smoke weed & rim some skies 🥵 while listening to the Khrushchev Lied audiobook i found 😘
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muttsona · 6 months
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cause when you leave, you take more than your love
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