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desireangel · 9 months ago

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Dark Cherry [3] | Aemond Targaryen

Aemond Targaryen x Fem!Reader

Summary: after months of a marriage that hardly harbours the passion that you'd dreamed about, you stumble across the reason for your husband's indifference and decide enough is enough. Aemond will learn just exactly what he's been missing out on.

Word Count: 6.9k

Warnings: MDNI 18+!! smut, angst!!!!!!, unedited, infidelity, revenge cheating, oral (m receiving), kinda slightttt dub con if you squint w/ Aegon x reader, Aemond is frustrating, so is reader tbh, slight deviation from canon? again, if you squint, soft!aemond if you also squint. But also---angry Aemond (rahhhhhh), tell me if I've missed any warnings!

Author's note: my APOLOGIES on the wait, y'all. Hopefully this scratches an itch!! it's 11PM here, which is the earliest I've ever posted a fic funnily enough. I also reallyyyyy appreciate the love on this series so far!!! Love you all. As always, please don't hesitate to comment or to interact or hmu in my inbox w/ me bc I LOVE yapping with you guys. Send in feedback or criticism (but like I'll cry if it's super mean) or some headcannons!! or even your best dad joke. Anyways, xoxo kisses!!! <3

Masterlist

Aemond Targaryen was an intelligent man. Yet for some reason, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had been acting as the realm’s largest imbecile.

Time and time again, Aemond had let his ego and his pride run ahead of his brain, and had failed to think of the effect that his actions had on people other than himself. Sure, he cared for those who were important to him. His sister, his mother, his grandfather, Ser Cole, Aegon (although Aemond may not have realised it) and even to some extent his wife.

He realised, perhaps too late, that you may as well be a stranger to him. And at one point, Aemond had truly believed that keeping whatever unlucky woman he was to wed at arms length would be for the best.

The first time he met you was insignificant. It was as per tradition and formality. Aemond’s interactions up until the wedding was mainly with your family, despite the efforts you made to acquaint yourself with him properly. You were much more timid then, shyer than Aemond had expected from the to-be wife of a weaponised prince. But then again, he had only assumed that a Lady like his mother would have been chosen for him; confident, cunning and strong-headed.

At the time he had begun to understand you better, Aemond had lost track of himself. A sort of descent into darkness where he went from a young prince to a man, eager to prove himself at whatever cost. Satisfied by the control he gained through fear, strength and reputation. Now that he had stopped to think about his marriage, after you had left him hard and desperate in his own bed, Aemond came to realise a few things.

You were a purity among the wickedness and politics of the Red Keep. An inherently good person and a woman of grace, kindness and compassion. He had already noticed the dwindling of those traits brought on by your new life, confined to the walls of a fortress that was littered with deceit, distrust and gore. Aemond was a far darker entity than you–he had accepted this fact after the first true conversation you shared.

Corrupting you was both tempting and terrifying. Aemond had always been loveless–deprived of the affection he craved and deserved but also clueless about how to give that affection. And while he wished he could learn how to right himself and how to quell the carelessness of his temperament and the destruction that was left in its wake, Aemond didn’t know how to.

Perhaps it would come naturally. He was a lot more open to that notion now, despite the fact that most of him was convinced he was incapable of such change.

Aemond regretted–something he didn’t feel often–how he had pushed you away. Even if he had not intended to.

Because now, he was starting to see you as you were. A woman who had far more of an influence over his emotions than he realised–a woman who he had begun to crave the affections of in such an intensity that it only served to scare him away from you. At one stage, you had been another stranger among the walls of his home bound to him in nothing but title but, at some point throughout this ridiculous game that he had stupidly encouraged, Aemond had started to see you as his wife.

The whore that he had let into his bed was not actually a whore. It was a woman Aemond had known–a witch whom he had shared the pleasures of his body with before the two of you had wed. Alys was always eager for him and once, he would have returned it with his own enthusiasm. Not anymore. She was simply an easier option. A whore would never sully the sanctity of his chambers. It wouldn’t have made a difference if he had been honest and told you that Alys was not from the Street of Silk.

To anyone who came asking, including you, Aemond would first admit to taking a whore into his bed than a lowly witch.

He cursed himself for letting his honour fall so short that this is what it took for him to wake up. For him to have tainted his loyalty to you, to have let a woman whom he could barely get it up for shatter the confines of his marriage, for him to have been left unwound with a hard cock, his hand and only the scent of you on his thigh to release the tension that was driving him mad.

Aemond wished he hadn’t been so short sighted. He would subject himself to whatever punishment he deserved should it be the burn of a whip against his back or the sickening ache of starvation if you were to demand it.

All of a sudden, in the days that had passed since your encounter on his bed, Aemond found himself looking for you throughout his day. He hoped you’d cross each other in the halls, cursed the world for keeping him too busy to spend an afternoon with you in the gardens, sworn at the war that was raging for binding him to his duties and keeping you apart.

So at the first opportunity he had to take time for himself and for the first time in your short marriage, Aemond had called upon you to join him for afternoon tea.You stared at the young servant who had been sent to retrieve you, half wondering if you had heard the boy incorrectly. Had he called you simply one moon ago, you would have dropped everything you were doing to meet your husband for tea with a grin and a skip in your step at the prospect of finally spending time with him on his own accord.

But now? It both excited you and infuriated you.

You gave the boy a soft smile, holding your reserve together when his face dropped at your refusal. “You may tell my husband that I am otherwise attended to for my tea.”

It wasn’t a lie. You had important plans for the afternoon with the other Targaryen son.

The servant stood still for a moment. “Yes, my Lady.”

“The rest of my afternoon is already engaged with the King,” you purposefully added, a mixture of adrenaline and excitement beginning to simmer in your belly. “Tell him I will take tea with him another time.”

You were walking away from your chambers before the servant had turned to leave. A part of you felt bad for him. Anyone would be wary of delivering rejection to a prince. It felt as if you were sending him to his death in a way, knowing that the seemingly innocent excuse was balancing on a wire that was already frayed. If the young servant had known of your sly plan for revenge, he would have spoiled his breeches.

There was a chance Aemond would catch on straight away. There was a chance that he would take a little longer.

Either way, so long as he caught on, everything would unfold in your favor.

Aegon had been waiting for you, a mischievous smile on his lips at the sight of you eagerly rushing towards him. He was an immature and distracted King, and he was definitely not without his flaws, but he had never been bad to you. Sometimes, you even appreciated Aegon’s efforts to involve you in conversation or to pull a smile out of you when you had clearly been distressed. Nonetheless, he was still an infuriating cad and you had often considered giving in to violent urges at the way he treated Helaena.

Helaena.

A stab of guilt in your gut at the thought of her. Sure, she had confided in you on numerous occasions and you knew she felt little care for Aegon’s outwards ventures with women but you knew she was saddened by the state of her marriage. And here you were, as wretched as the whore that Aemond had bedded. It was no different; you were doing the same thing as her. Only it wasn’t your job; you weren’t doing it for the money.

The satisfaction of bringing Aemond down to the same level he had brought you to was all the motivation you needed. It would be treading a thin line but it would be worth it.

“I had wondered how long it would take you to find yourself in my chambers, Princess,” Aegon’s voice held that boyish shrill he had never grown out of. The way he had stepped aside to let you pass, eyes holding yours through his lashes as he dipped his head with a grin. “For a cup of tea, of course.”

Comparing Aegon’s chambers to Aemond’s was instinctual. It was brighter here, messier and there was an unkempt feel to the furniture despite the servant’s having kept things relatively put together. A King’s chambers, it was; grand and large and adorned with all sorts of artistry. Aemond’s chambers had held a darker tone; presumably because Aemond was sensitive to light on his blind eye and somehow even the glow of light from the lamps were deeper and warmer.

You liked Aemond’s chambers better.

“It has been overdue, Your Grace,” you weren’t sure of that. “Thank you for indulging me this afternoon. I wager a King such as yourself is no short of duties to tend to.”

Aegon scoffed, pouring himself a cup of wine as he watched you take a seat at the small settee from the corner of his eye. “My family seems to be taking care of my duties on my behalf. I am a king in nought but title, you see.”

There was nothing you could say at his unbridled honesty. Aegon was different to most of the people who presided here in that way. He cared little to hide behind a facade of false indifference and stoicism.

He fell to the cushion beside you, close enough so you could smell the drink he balanced in his hand. Aegon laid back lazily, resting on his elbows and watching you as you sat pin-straight and brought the piping tea to your lips. “‘Tis not a concern. I would much prefer to have more comely company than those clueless cunts who sit on my counsel.”

“I do not doubt that, Your Grace,” you coughed lightly, growing alarmingly aware of the fact that you hadn’t thought about how this was going to play out. There was absolutely nothing that you knew about seducing a king. No less, a king with Aegon’s track record. “I beli-”

“You have been different,” He cut you off. Swiftly pushing himself up so that his face was beside yours, breath tickling the strands of your hair that had fallen loose across your cheek. Aegon’s lips were gently turned up as his eyes traced every curve of your face.

Swallowing thickly, you will yourself to meet his eye with confidence. The curiosity in his familiar violet eyes was paired with an immature lust and you wondered if he had any idea how easy it could be to use his forward thinking cock against him were you a woman of cunning ambitions. You didn’t miss how his gaze flickered across your throat and towards the curve of your chest.

But something in the way that Aegon looked at you in that moment, like you were a woman of such beauty that he would risk whatever consequences were sent his way just to feel your touch sent a slither of saddened longing across your chest. Not even your husband had made you feel as if you were so captivating.

It made the knowledge of how ever long you’d be alone with him far easier to stomach.

“I do not know of what you mean, Your Grace.”

Aegon laughed, bringing his face so close to yours that the point of his nose touched against your cheek. His hand fell to rest flat just above your belly, brazenly close to where your dress tucked underneath the curve of your breasts.

“I know well when a Lady is not…” he dragged his nose across your soft skin, eyes carefully watching your reaction. “Sufficiently satisfied by her husband.”

Your breath hitched at how quickly Aegon had set his target. “If you mean to-”

“Does my dear brother forego his duties for the comfort of whores, perhaps?”

Pursing your lips, you gently turned your face so that your lips were centimetres away from his, Aegon’s fringe brushing across your forehead. There was a ringing in your ears, a nervousness about how you were so close to betraying your husband and how you were unsure that you could handle the fallout of what was definitely about to happen. Things are much different for women; infidelity and adultery would be grounds for far worse than simply an annulment. This world was not so kind to a lady who partakes in the same treachery as a lord.

Above all, you were conflicted.

“It seems my husband is no different to any other man who does not hunger for his wife.”

“I hunger for his wife,” Aegon all but moaned at the way your lips nudged closer to his. He cocked his head to the side and pressed his fingers into your flesh. “But I am no fool, my Lady. Aemond has always been the sole object of your gaze. You are here for more sinister reasons, I suspect.”

You blinked. Why did these Targaryen princes so often seem to be one step ahead?

It was a relief that he had not moved away from your closeness. In fact, Aegon leaned further into it. His smile never faltered and he waited patiently for you, watching as you thought of your next moves. There was a flush of embarrassment that prettied your skin and it was clear that your facade was close to crumbling. Aegon was not a man you desired in such a way. Merely a means to an end.

So you sighed, resigning to the fact that being honest with Aegon would be best.

“You are right,” you muttered. He shook with a silent laugh at your bravery and the way your chin remained turned up. “I-I believe you are aware of my intentions, Your Grace. Will you have me dragged back to Prince Aemond’s feet or will you allow my scheme?”

Aegon was in front of you in a matter of seconds, bending down so that he met your height as you stayed seated. “I would risk meeting the wrath of a man whose temperament and pride are unchained.”

“Teach me how to make it worth it then, my King,” you held strong in forcing the tremble out of your voice. You didn’t want to bed him entirely–absolutely not. Just what you had seen through the gap in Aemond’s door would be more than enough and there was a bubbling gratification in your stomach knowing that Aemond would not be able handle what he had so easily served out.

His hand held the back of your neck and he jerked forward to catch your lips, grunting when you turned your head from him. You couldn’t kiss him. You weren’t interested in kissing him–only fulfilling the steady thrum of excitement at the need to both experience what you had been teased with and show your husband that he should be sorry.

In fact, and you were loathsome to even rationalise it, you felt sick at the thought of kissing him. And you felt a little drop in your gut at the thought of taking him in any kind of way but it was different. Less frightening than kissing a man you were trying so hard to convince yourself was sexy enough.

There was no man for your body’s desires aside from Aemond Targaryen-–

A deep breath and you looked at Aegon through your lashes, bringing your fingers to feel the softness of his lips. “I do not want you to fuck me, Your Grace. But show me how I may give you pleasure with my mouth. And how a man can satisfy me with his.”

Aegon became excited at your use of such foul language, his hand remaining behind your neck as he straightened and guided you roughly to his hips, groaning as your hands instinctively found his thighs and moved upwards. He was painfully hard in his breeches–he had been since the first moment you looked at him with that stubborn intent and purpose.

There was a strong urge to push him away but you fought through it.

“I am sure your husband is already searching for his brazen little vixen,” Aegon watched as you breathed heavily, your chest heaving and your soft breasts pressing against the tightly laced corset of your dress. “And I am sure you wish for him to find us. Very cunning of you, I must say.”

His touch didn’t pull that feeling from you. The feeling of Aemond’s touch that had made you feel as if you were floating in lava and drowning in a molten heat that could only be quelled by him. But it made your blood rush down, growing sensitive between your thighs at the prospect of pleasuring a man who openly lusted for you and had no care for hiding it.

Aegon didn’t care for games that shattered your self-worth. He didn’t care to make you feel lesser than a whore for your curiosity of how it felt to have a man tremble from your mouth. All he wanted was to feed his appetite for you–the beautiful Lady who he had envied his brother for having to himself.

“I want to learn how to do it,” you whispered, melting into Aegon’s guidance as he hastily fiddled with the embellishments on his tunic to undo half of it and push the velvet fabric out of the way. The laced belt at his waist was discarded in seconds and you took little time to pull him out of the confines of his breeches. “So I can–so I can show him.”

There was a certain light headed nervousness that you felt when you realised that you don’t actually know how to do what you wished to. It seemed easy enough when you watched how that woman had given Aemond her mouth but now that you were faced with trying it out yourself, you worried how you would fare. Aegon triggered a natural response from you, one that you had learned was instinctual of human bodies, but you just could not find him desirable.

Momentarily, you doubted you could find it in you to disregard your aversion to the King. An aversion that suddenly became more pressing an issue than it was merely seconds ago.

Aegon must have noticed your apprehension because he guided you forward, the hardened length of his cock brushing against your face. He was breathing heavily when he spoke. “Lick it. Use your tongue first and then-fuck, that’s right-” you hesitantly followed his instructions, dragging the tip of your tongue across the sides of him, gentle flicks down to the base and then a long stripe up to the top. It was an invigorating thrill when you felt him throb against your mouth. His hips jerked when you hesitantly wrapped your lips around him.

It was slightly uncomfortable but it was not a bad feeling. Aegon tasted musky and salty, and a little bit sweaty. You took a moment to find the best way to stop your teeth from grazing against him and started to move along him, watching as he threw his head back, eyes shut tightly.

The image of your husband stayed ingrained in your head. Would Aemond taste the same? Would he feel the same on your tongue? Would his cock react to you in such a way? Would you enjoy taking him in your mouth more than whatever this was?

Shamefully or not, you let yourself pretend that Aegon was not the man standing above you. That it was Aemond instead, enjoying what you were keen to give him and praising you for being so eager to taste him.

You wished so hard that it was Aemond instead, that for a moment, when you gazed upwards it was him looking down at you with his hair falling perfectly and his eyepatch discarded. Alas, it was King Aegon, who revelled in staring at you with an amusement coupled with bliss that only felt belittling.

It did set your body into a light rush of arousal but you couldn’t stop the doubts that flooded your mind. Were you dishonouring the sanctity of your body out of spite? Were you betraying the man you almost loved just to have a jab at him? Guilty tickles grew in your ribcage but you distracted yourself from it, focusing on the way that Aegon steered your movements.

“Shit,” he hissed. Aegon’s hand found the back of your head and he adjusted your pace how he preferred. “Use your hand. What doesn’t fit–hold it.”

It became slightly easier once you found your rhythm, following each instruction that Aegon gave, drinking in the way his thigh trembled under your hand that rested against it, holding yourself stable as you hollowed your cheeks. Whatever you did, it almost came naturally and Aegon seemed to be enjoying it far more than you had expected.

But it quickly became too much–Aegon started thrusting in a way that didn’t match your movements and you gagged, eyes burning at the ache of him hitting the top of your throat. You made a noise, pulling off and gasping for air, whining as he tugged your mouth back to him and chuckling. Lungs burning, you tried to meet whatever pace Aegon was moving at in an attempt to make things more comfortable.

You reminded yourself of why you were here. The image of Aemond, head thrown back and groans slipping past his lips as he let that woman take him in his mouth. The image of Aemond, head buried between her legs, the skin on his chin glistening as he smirked at you while pleasure another woman.

The feeling when your courtly acquaintances who you once thought of as friends would slyly belittle you for failing to give your husband an heir, belittling you because word of his infidelity had reached their gossiping mouths, belittling you because the Prince who they loathed you for having was hardly yours after all. The looks that they had given you, the way that they snickered and sneered at your failures as his wife. Whispers you had overheard from Lords alike; that for such a pretty thing, you must have been dreadfully dull in the ways of pleasure if Prince Aemond of all men had resorted to whores.

That was how they all saw you; a failure. Because it was never a man’s fault but always his wife’s.

You loathe to think that Aemond harboured the same thoughts. But you would show him how mistaken he was and make him feel what you had felt so that he would regret it all.

“Fuck-” Aegon let out a drawn out groan as he pushed your head down, pushing himself as far down your throat as he could. You struggled to breath and you gagged twice but let him move you as he pleased, a satisfactory moan vibrating against his sensitive skin when he threw his head back and grumbled about spilling himself down your throat.

It was a chaotic moment.

The protest of the kingsguard through the wall and the bang of the door slamming open and you didn’t even need to turn and look. Aemond was seething, barely given the chance to put the pieces together before Aegon simultaneously groaned and laughed, the salty taste of his seed gliding past a sensitive part of your throat and pulling another gag from you as you yanked yourself away from Aegon.

Everything seemed to pause for a moment. And despite the obnoxious laughter coming from the King as he tucked himself back into his breeches, the heavy breathing of your husband and your gasps for air, everything felt silent.

Your blood ran hot at the way Aemond looked between you and Aegon. Nonetheless you met his eye, holding your chin up and wiping a bead of Aegon’s peak from your lip.

It felt good. Watching as Aemond forced himself back into his stoic resolve; only bothering to subdue the way his eye filled with the same betrayal you still felt in your gut at the thought of the whore who had been on her knees for him in an almost identical way.

Stoicism and slow, simmering, silent rage.

The air around you turned hot enough to light a candle. Aemond’s presence alone had proven to be enough to send you spiralling from the heat he encased you in whenever he was in the same room but this? You were choking, sick to your stomach and doing your best to keep your knees from buckling at his intensity.

Aemond heard Aegon ramble out some hideous insult, watched how you frowned at him and heard the echoes of his cackle. But the ringing in his ears overwhelmed it all and he had no clue what his brother had taunted him with before his fist met Aegon’s cheek with a loud crack.

He didn’t bother sparing his brother a second glance. Aemond was stood in front of you and despite his obvious anger, he pulled you up from where you were seated with a gentleness which had your mind reeling.

There was a threat hidden in his voice. “Come with me. Now.”

Perhaps you had made a mistake. The gentle fury in Aemond was terrifying and even though you knew he would never raise a hand at you the way he thoughtlessly did at Aegon, there were so many ways that a Prince could ruin you.

You felt a pit of regret now that it was over and the curtain of lust had lifted. It was easy to see how simple it is to get lost in the touch of another but it was easier to see how simple it is to avoid it.

There was satisfaction. And you felt it simultaneously with the adrenaline of being caught and the doubts of your actions. Princes and Princesses and Kings and Queens were so unaware of their hypocrisy until it was spat back into their faces.

Aemond would never in a million years have understood what he was doing to you if you had just been a submissive little wife and forgiven him. But now? Now he would know. And now things would be balanced and your desire to hurt him as he had done you has been fulfilled. And now you could see how this marriage would really stand against such tests.

And now, you may finally know whether Aemond truly did not care for you. Because if Aemond did not care for you–or even in part; love you–then he would not be hurt and he would not be feeling such betrayal.

Right now, as Aemond silently walked you towards his chambers, hands fisted, jaw clenched tightly and his gaze fixed ahead, you were fearful of how things would fare. As strong as you wished for your resolve to stay, Aemond’s disappointment was showing you a new weakness. And his words, you knew, if they were used as weapons then you would stand little chance against them. There was a heavy weight against your lower back where his hand sat, pushing you gently so that you glided through the halls faster.

It wasn’t a long journey back to Aemond’s quarters. But it felt like hours to the Prince, the nausea in his gut silencing him the entire way. He felt like a child again, presented with a pig instead of a dragon, the shrill laughs of his cousins and his brother striking him with flashes of humiliation.

Again and again and again, Aegon would do whatever he could to see Aemond crumble. Aegon would always take Aemond’s dignity, his honour, his crown. And now he just had to take his wife?

Aemond shut the doors to his chambers roughly and you were quick to put some distance between the two of you. There was a hollow ball of guilt and fear that caught in your throat but you couldn’t deny the elation at the mixture of emotions in Aemond’s eye as he turned to face you.

It was a reflection of how you had felt upon finding Aemond in bed with another. He would finally understand.

Only Aemond was worlds away from the damned arousal you had felt and instead it was replaced with a youthful dread, a panic that you had never seen from him before now.

There was hardly a moment for you to register the harshness of Aemond’s grip on your bicep as he pulled you toward the bowl that was kept by his bath, filled with clean water and accompanied by a tray of freshening oils. He lightly shoved you toward it as he let you go, unfazed by the sound of shock that you could not hold back.

“Wash your mouth,” he spat. Although your back was to him, you could feel how he suppressed the extent of his rage as he was ever so good at doing. “And then we will talk.”

You bit your tongue and did as he said, wincing at the ice in his words and the angry strain of his voice. There was a lot that you wanted to say, to scream at him. He was angry–and to some extent he had every right to be–but how could Aemond have expected you to be okay with something that he clearly could not take on the chin?

But the way he had held you, the tone of his voice and the harshness in his glare had you wondering if revenge was worth whatever comes next. Because, amongst the whirlwind of fear and guilt and regret was gratification and fulfilment.

The prickle of Aemond’s glare had disappeared before you were ready to dry your mouth with a towel. Quiet as ever, he had snuck away and by the time you had realised, the sound of the door shutting and the click of the lock had notified you of his absence.

Aemond had locked you in. When you had swiftly tried to push the doors open, unaware of where you would go and truthfully not intending to leave in the first place, it didn’t budge. And when you called for the kingsguard who stood at the other side of the door, you went unanswered aside from a curt reply that he had been ordered not to let you leave.

So you had resigned yourself to sitting atop Aemond’s bed rather than the seating arrangements scattered around the rest of the quarters. It smelled strongly of lavender, leather and Aemond’s very own scent–the one that always had you on the verge of drooling. But it only sent your nerves into overdrive, afraid that the consequences of your vengefulness, no matter how satisfying it was initially, may be too dire to recover from.

The thought of whatever Aemond had planned for Aegon was not nice. You were correct in assuming that your tryst with Aegon would only cut your husband deeper because it was Aegon. The depth of whatever issues these brothers shared was far beyond you but you had only assumed that all second born princes would be affected in such a way. And Targaryen’s were full of complexities, each believing that they were better than everyone. Even their own siblings.

Aegon had known that his younger brother would become nothing short of murderous. But he had never been a man to avoid even the slightest of temptations. Both the idea of indulging in you and inflaming the ever unresponsive Aemond were far more than slightly tempting. It would be worth the bloodied nose, the split lip and the sick that he’d spewed over his shoes when Aemond had returned to grace him with an inhumanly strong hit to his balls. Somehow, Aemond had made that act of violence seem like child’s play with the threats that he had rained down upon Aegon.

King Aegon, who simply did not know when to keep his mouth shut and had all but asked for it with the way he taunted Aemond with a sentence he never had the chance to complete. “Seeing as you cannot satisfy even your own wife-”

He wasn’t there long. Aemond’s angry mind was racing and he couldn’t think past the red of his rage. But Aemond still knew better than to stay where he would surely commit a treason he would regret.

Whatever fury Aemond had unleashed upon Aegon in the short time he was away had seemed to calm him down. He was still clearly angry when he stepped back into his quarters but there was a far less frightening storm brewing in his eye.

At his return, you had stood from the bed. The air was sucked right out of the room when Aemond stood right in front of you, so close that you could count the creases in the leather of his eyepatch. There was a tense silence in which he stared at you, waiting for you to fold but you only held your head high and met his gaze stubbornly.

Minutes had passed before Aemond spoke. His voice was far softer than you had expected and he seemed to have settled down a bit as he dragged his knuckles across your cheek, only to grip your chin so that you could not look away from him. Aemond held you tightly but not tight enough that it hurt.

“Enough of this,” It was an order, stern and unrelenting. “No more. This was a step too far-”

You scoffed in his face. “A step too far? Had you not done the same thing?”

Aemond had never in his life apologised for anything. He never felt sorry. And he never wished to admit to his mistakes. But here he was, face to face with the effects of one of the biggest mistakes he had made. If there were anything he could have done aside from apologise, he would have done it. But it was the only thing that would ease the mess of guilt that had arisen inside of him. For what he had done with the whore and for everything he hadn’t done for your marriage.

“It was a mistake. If I could undo it, I would,” I’m sorry. “This was childish of you. Vengefulness is unbecoming.”

There was a beastly disgust that Aemond felt when he thought of another man even looking at you. The image of Aegon’s cock in your mouth, his seed leaking from your lips made him want to burn the entire realm to ashes. Aemond’s eye trailed along your jaw, to your neck and then down past your stomach. Did Aegon touch you where only he was to touch you?

Fuck treason. Aemond would feed Aegon to Vhagar if he had indulged in your body.

“It is more than vengeance. You would not have understood what I felt. How I suffered because of you and your whore,” you tried your best to keep your voice stable. The lump in your throat and the tears that blurred your vision forced you to pull out of Aemond’s grip and turn your back to him. “You promised me you would never do that. You dishonoured me. You insulted me. You hurt me–Aemond, do you have any idea the things that they say about me?”

Aemond frowned and you could not see how he reached for you, only to drop his hand back to his side. “I–”

“That I am a failure. That I am-that I am so repulsive and so dull that you cannot even lay with me to produce an heir,” you couldn’t help the sob that escaped you. “And I saw what she was doing to you, what you were doing to her. I could never even have imagined the existence of such an act that had given you so much pleasure-”

“There was no true pleasure with her.” Aemond mumbled. Pathetically.

Pathetic was exactly the word. Aemond may have been good with a sword, in a fight, with his dragon and when strategizing wars. But he was a pathetic husband–a pathetic partner, a pathetic lover. And he had the urge to take out his good eye for being so mindless and so ignorant.

Hindsight was his worst enemy, it seemed. Because in hindsight, Aemond would have done everything differently, right from the moment you were introduced to him.

“Lie. It was clear, Aemond. They are all right, are they not?” You felt him step into you, his warm chest against your back. Leather and lavender and him. “I have failed. My womb is still empty. The last time you visited my bed was moons ago. I know you do not love me, my Prince, but I have love for you. Men are not the only ones who need intimacies of the body–I needed that and you have never given me anything. Yet you gave it to her. I wished to hurt you as you had hurt me.”

There were no words that Aemond could find. So he settled for shaking his head and watching you as you sat yourself down on the edge of his bed, staring down at your hands on your lap. You were so wrong in your perception of him but he couldn’t find the words to explain that. But Aemond decided in that moment that he would show you, one way or another. He hesitated before sitting beside you.

You couldn’t meet his eye if you tried. It was as if your body was telling you to stop talking, that these thoughts were too painful to share, feelings too abstract and tender to put into words.

“It is wretched, I know–to have turned to Aegon,” you felt him tense beside you and against your better judgement, you placed a hand on his thigh in an attempt to give him some comfort. “I wished to hurt you but I also wished to learn. I thought maybe if I knew how to-how to do things that would make you feel good so that maybe you would feel for me as I have for you. Aegon said he could show me. It is ridiculous, I understand that now.”

Aemond took your hand in his, the heat of your skin against his was fierce for such an insignificant action. He hated that it was easier for you to turn to Aegon than it was to turn to him. “I could have shown you. I can show you so much more. If only we had been honest with each other from the beginning.”

“I thought you do not want me.”

He sucked in a sharp breath. It would be less painful to drive his own dagger through his heart. “I crave for you, my love. I was just too stubborn to admit it and too afraid of what it means. And I did not know how to show you how badly I burn for you.”

The sight of tears had never fazed him until they were yours. Aemond was not particularly pious, he prayed simply because his mother had raised him to pray, but he would be on his knees every hour of every day if it meant that he could take these feelings away from you. If it meant that he could take it all back and start over.

“I am sorry. No more of this,” you said. “No more seeking out the touch of anyone else in place of each other.”

“I will be a better husband,” Aemond stated, as if he were telling it to himself as much as he was to you. “I will try for our marriage and our duty. And for you.”

“Your promises haven’t proven to mean much to me. All is not forgiven just because we have talked,” You sighed, but gave him a weak smile, turning to look at him.

He gazed down at you with determination, his jaw tight and his eye glistening with tears that wouldn’t fall. There was no attempt to push you away when you reached up to take off the leather that covered his bad eye. You wanted to see him as he was, even if only for a moment.

Gods, he was beautiful.

As you stood you forced your smile to turn lighthearted as you teased him through your heavy hearts. “Jealousy motivates you well, my Prince. I shall remember that.”

Aemond hummed, mostly serious as his hands tightly grabbed your hips. “Do not jest like that. I will not be able to look at Aegon without dreaming of murdering him for defiling you how only I should. I cannot afford such treasonous fantasies.”

There was a silent threat in his words. Nonetheless, you leaned down to his ear, gasping gently at the harshness of his fingers squeezing the flesh of your hips. Just his hands on your body alone set you alight.

“Perhaps my husband should leave the door to his bedchambers open tonight,” you let out a small laugh at the way that he pulled you to straddle his lap so suddenly, gently nipping the skin of his earlobe. You weren’t quite done messing with him.

“Is that so?” He smiled and you thought that it made him all the more beautiful.

“Yes,” you smirked, when he groaned frustratedly at your next words, softly throwing you onto the bed. “I may wish to show you exactly what I have learned.”

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gm--requests · 5 days ago

Text

Reading "with" JJK guys pt. 1

Nanami (slight nsfw), Suguru, Toji (slight nsfw), Sukuna

warnings - afab reader, "pet names" (baby, pretty girl, kid, woman, brat), implied smut, some nsfw/some sfw, talks of philosophy (absurdism and extremist freedom)

words - 2440

request - closed inbox thirsts: open

plus size *fat* reader :)

pt.2

a/n - i will be posting choso, megumi, itadori, and gojo next ^^ lmk if i forgot any warnings!! not proof read because it is 4:30 AM and i'm coming down from gardening so i really couldn't be bothered... anyways pls praise me for writing something!! and also if you know how to bring anime characters to life hmu, i promise i wont tell anyone else how and i only want to bring 2 (maybe 3) to life and only one of them is troublesome so i can skip him if i need to okay love you <3

Nanami - reading the same book right alongside you. No matter the genre or the source of the literature he is reading it with you. It’s not because he necessarily enjoys the reading itself, but more so because he loves being able to have another thing to share with you. You can talk about it over dinner or in the bedroom. It also gives him a default on sporadic gift giving. It’s not like he’s spending his money on himself, so when you get into a specific series or an author you like drops a new book, you can guarantee you have a hardback copy upon release if not pre-release. He always buys you the nicest version and himself a paperback.

Nanami’s brows furrow as he reads, “This is more explicit than I expected.”

You giggle, “You say that every time.”

Nanami cracks a small smile and glances over at you, “I suppose I do…”

The two of you go back to reading in a peaceful silence until a soft and incredulous, “oh…” leaves your mouth.

Nanami looks at you as soon as you begin speaking, “I didn’t expect all of that…”

He slowly nods, “I’m assuming you made it to the portion where he gets a bit… violent?”

“He fucks her open wound Kento!” Your voice loud, truly flabbergasted.

Nanami nods again, “Yes it would seem so… They both enjoyed it, though.”

“When you said it was more explicit I expected you to be being a bit prude,” Nanami raises an eyebrow at this, “But no– It really is more explicit! Even I don’t think I’m into that. Maybe the knife-play itself, but not the wound intercourse…”

“Am I normally prude?” He asks seemingly ignoring everything else said as he brings a large hand up to remove his glasses as he faces you fully, expectantly.

‘Well, I dunno…”

“You don’t know?” He cocks his head, “You didn’t find me to be too prude when you begging me to put a baby in you last night, pretty girl.”

Your eyes widened comically at his statement, “Kento!” you gasped, face ablaze and he chuckled warmly at your reaction.

“Perhaps, I can take the rest of the afternoon to show you just how lecherous I can truly be,” He pulled his plain white tee shirt over his head as he spoke. All you could do is grip your book like a useless shield.

Before you could process it, said “shield” is pulled from your hands and placed on the bedside table, as Nanami climbs over you with a thick thigh pressing between your squishy ones. He brings his face to the crook of your neck, nosing at your soft jaw until you tilted your head. Nanami nips and licks at your neck.

“Seems like my pretty girl has two heart beats,” he teases, bringing his hands to your waist and making you grind firmly against his thigh. You whimper and he smiles against your neck before coming to meet your eyes.

“I’m not going to cut you up or anything, but I’m certainly going to fuck you until you’re stupid, my pretty girl.”

You can’t really respond at all with his lips pressed against your own.

Suguru - loves it because it gives him time to work on his own things like writing manifestos and being idealistic.

You’re snuggled comfortably into your bed, so engrossed in your book that the world outside doesn’t exist. Suguru on the other hand is sitting at your desk across the room, bent over his own work. Two notebooks and three philosophy books are spread out. His eyes shifted from one to the next as he went from scribbling different notes to highlighting and annotating.

If anyone walked in and saw the two of you, they’d never believe that this is what either of you considered to be a good date night, but they were in fact wrong.

Lo-fi music filled the background ever so subtly and the rain pouring down outside elevated the whole experience.

Every once in a while one of you would speak and break the other out of their bubble.

“‘Ruru!” You exclaimed, “they kissed!”

Immediately Geto was turning in the desk chair, beaming at you, “Fuckin’ finally. I was starting to think it wouldn’t happen until book 4.”

You groaned, “I knowww! I can only handle so much slow burn before it starts to feel like I’m roasting myself over an open forest fire. And I’ll be honest,” he looked at you amusedly, “I wouldn’t have waited that long. If they wouldn’t have kissed in this book, I would have said fuck it to the whole series.”

He laughed and shook his head, “You always say that, but then 12 books later you’re still invested~” Suguru’s tone was cheeky as he swiveled back around.

“You don’t know.” you grumbled.

—

“Y’know,” Suguru begins. You put your book down and look at him quizzically as he turns towards you, his own book in hand, “I think Jean-Paul Sartre might have really been on to something with his ideas on absurdism.”

He can’t see the confusion on your face as he doesn’t look up as he continues speaking, “He says Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance… and I think to some degree, I agree with this. The idea that we are born without a purpose and in order to live a fulfilling life we are forced to find something that feels like it gives us purpose, but inherently this is weakness because if we are bound by nothing then we can become anything.”

You look at him, confusion and skepticism written all over your face. “But I thought you said earlier that this guy also said that we are ‘condemned to be free’...”

Suguru nods fervently, obviously excited by all the thoughts he’s having, “Yes! He did, and that is also true! Because freedom is also suffering. We are born to do nothing, forced to make ourselves do something, and will suffer throughout it all. The concept really ties into the idea of Dukkha in Buddhism, of course I’m certain Sartre wasn’t thinking of any such thing, nonetheless if the idea of life is to suffer and we were born to exist in suffering due to a lack of purpose, the ultimate escape from that is to find comfort in the freedom. To become the one who’s idea and “purpose” is to be free and lead others to freedom. Right?”

His pupils are blown and he’s making sporadic wild gestures with his hands and all you can do is stare at him enamored by his enthusiasm, but completely lost on the concepts that he is firing off.

“I personally think,” Suguru looks at you expectantly, “that freedom doesn’t exist. Not fully and I don’t think it ever could. To me I am free because I am able to do as I please with my life in the sense of loving you or reading this book. I can get up and go make a sandwich right now or I could ask you for a milkshake and I would still be just as free as the next guy and just as trapped as him too. Even if you went on to be a great leader who brought people to freedom, are they really free when they are following you and taking your word for things? I mean they made the choice, but doesn’t influence affect freedom?”

You have no idea if what you’ve said is even remotely intelligible, but Geto looks at you with love and adoration, “I hadn’t given that much thought, baby, thank you.”

You grin at him, “Mhm~!”

When he turns around you feel like a fraud, but go back to your book with a shrug.

This is love.

Sakuna - huffs and puffs and threatens to ban books from the world if you don’t love on him. Has destroyed multiple books, to which he always replaces because he hates to see you upset.

“C’mere woman! You mean to tell me some fictional story is more important than serving your husband?” all four arms crossed, his frown deepening when you wave him off.

“I express my want for you and yet you dare to defy me?” His voice is booming.

You sigh and meet his eyes, “‘Kunaaaa~, I’m trying to read!” you whine and he sucks his teeth.

“Tch– you had ample time to read while I was out, woman. Now I am home and I expect you to greet me properly.”

Your bottom lip juts out, “I already gave you a kiss and welcomed you home. I even waited by the door in the way you like,” your tone is still defiant and whiny, “I even made the bed comfy and made your favorite tea just like uraume taught mee… Let me read a bit!”

Sukuna glares daggers, “I do not care about those things,” he closes the distance between the two of you and plucks the book from your hands before shredding it with his own, “You will give me what I want when I demand it, brat.”

No matter how many times this happens it never ceases to shock you into silence. Tears immediately welling up in your eyes as you look at the pages and covers of the book that now litter the floor around you.

Without words you stand up and walk to your shared bed, climbing in it and covering up with the blanket. Sukuna grins wide, thinking himself successful forgetting the reality of the outcome as it has been in the past but when he climbs into the bed and goes to pull you close you stiffen and turn away.

Again he sucks his teeth, easily manhandling your plush body to be atop his, “Stop this foolishness woman! I have no time for your childish games.” One of his big hands comes and grabs your face, making you meet his eyes. When your watery eyes meet his, he can’t help the way his shoulders sag a bit and his grip on you loosens. His sneer turned into a subtle frown. You sniffle and look away.

“That was really shitty of you Ryoumen.” Your voice is small and finally the curse sighs and releases you back to your side of the bed.

A long bout of silence falls between the two of you before he finally, begrudgingly breaks it.

“Fine. I apologise.” The words make him want to vomit, or commit a war crime, and he thinks about doing both when you don’t respond to him with anything more than a defeated ‘it’s okay’.

The next day when you wake up with swollen eyes and an empty bed, you can’t help but dread the rest of the day that will follow. Unable to go to the library in his home, unable to leave his room, and alone until who knows when.

But by the time you finish your morning shower and skin care, the door to Sukuna’s chambers is opening and closing with a loud slam. You jump out of your skin, still half naked, fumbling to cover your unclothed breasts, Sukuna quickly makes his way towards you.

“Here.” he grunts, shoving a signed hardback version of the book you were reading last night into your hands, which leaves you uncovered and surprised.

“‘Kuna-,” you turn the book over in your hands and gasp at the signature on the inside label, “You didn’t have to do this…” you try to be humble, but your smile is becoming harder and harder to contain.

“Don’t look so thrilled, woman,” his smile is only seen in the slight twitch of the corner of his mouth. As he stares at you he takes in your unclothed softness and finally the smile stretches fully across his face.

“If you’re so happy, repay your husband for his kindness.”

Toji - indifferent. Makes you read when his shows are on. Buys you steals a pair of nice earbuds so you can listen to whatever the fuck music fits your story while not interrupting his show and so his show isn’t interrupting you. Has to be touching you and you have to stay in the same room as him.

“My show comes on in seven minutes, get your ass in here.” Toji hollers

His scarred lips are set in a lazy smirk as you quickly respond to his call and come prancing into the room. Toji sits directly in the middle of the couch, arms draped long against the back of it, legs spread wide. Sweatpants draped low and no shirt. You hand him a beer and try not to ogle him too much.

“Thanks, kid,” he winks at you before patting the spot beside him on the sofa with his free hand, “Now c’mon. Ya look too good to not be touching me somehow.”

Your face heats with his words, but you do sit. Moving a pillow for comfort, you rest your upper back against the arm of the couch and throw your legs over his lap.

“Yer lucky my shows on, dressed like this, it’s like yer tryna tempt me, kid.” his big hand grabs at your soft, fat, bare thigh and you huff.

“I always dress like this! Now drink your beer and watch your stupid show, so I can read.” You’d never admit it but you dress this way because you know he likes it. One of his shirts, whatever pair of panties matched it, and a pair of fuzzy socks. Despite your plumpness, Toji's shirts make you look like you’re drowning in the fabric and you know that is all it ever really takes to get his attention– looking like you belong to him.

You don’t have to admit to knowing this, because he already knows, so Toji just laughs and squeezes your sensitive inner thigh roughly.

“‘M putting in my earbuds now, don’t bother me.” You try to say it sternly, but it just makes him grin.

“Whatever,” he laughs, “Enjoy your book, ‘cause you’ll be too busy to read afterwards.”

You roll your eyes and he takes a swig from his beer, his hand rubbing up and down your leg, “Hope you’re reading some of that freaky shit you like to get into,” his eyes don’t leave the TV, “you’re always more sensitive when you do.”

You swat at him and he snickers. You want to respond, but the opening theme to his show begins and you know better than to try and be a brat now. So instead you huff and start your music.

Pouting because he was right… you were reading “that freaky shit.”

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hopelesshaidys · 10 months ago

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this is NOT the priv (smau) PT. 2

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

‧₊˚♡characters: Sero hanta, bakugou katsuki

‧₊˚♡summary: your favorite boy forgot he was on his main instead of priv when talking abt you…chaos ensues ;)

‧₊˚♡tags: jokes about suicide, bakugou ooc but idk cuz its my page and i can do whatever i want with it

‧₊˚♡a/n: part two with my top favs YAY i’m having sm fun putting like effort into this (i need to write more short stories)

‧₊˚♡masterlist

inbox is open so hmu!!

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Sero

Bakugou

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creating--memories · 4 months ago

Text

Intro to my page

Lena 💕 | 23 | lesbian

Huge wcbb fan just here to express my delusions. I write for pazzi pretty much only but I also interact with other fandoms on here. Feel free to send requests or anons, and my inbox is always open to chat :) hmu if you want to be mutuals.

Masterlist

DNI: homophobes, racists, misogynists, men

DNI but choose to read optionally: minors, I don’t really write anything nsfw or explicit but as someone who is 23 id prefer not to have minors interact with my page 🫶🏽

#azzi fudd #paige bueckers #paige x azzi #uconn wbb #pazzi #paige buckets #pazzi fics #pazzi is real

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jo6hny · 1 year ago

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Casual - Hazel Callahan

Pairing: College student! Hazel Callahan x College student! Reader

Contains: the angst that comes with a “casual” relationship, some fluff, a smidge of smut (for the plot), reader’s kind of an asshole in this, happy ending!!

Word Count: 4.4k

Summary: Hazel and Reader are in a “casual” relationship. Based on Chappell Roan’s song!

A/N: First time writing wlw please spare me and i also haven't written in a long time so :< I also take requests for hazel and kit, my inbox is open and i also need mutuals so hmu pls :))

Knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out Is it casual now?

“Seriously, Hazel. Get a grip, she’s using you.” PJ rolled her eyes at the brunette after having to listen to the same story about you for nth time. It was always like this. She always yapped to her friends about how you made her feel in love but conflicted. How she never knew what your relationship was and how she could never find her grip over you loosening.

Josie nods at PJ's statement. She knew that her friend could use better words especially since Hazel is sensitive, but she needed the truth. They were both tired of giving the latter hints. Josie especially couldn’t help but feel hurt on Hazel’s behalf after she’d heard about your ongoing “casual” relationship.

“I don’t know guys,” Hazel trails off, fidgeting with her rings. “Maybe tonight will be different. I’ll have the courage to ask her about us again and we’re gonna be official. I know it.”

The two girls couldn’t help but sigh at their friend’s hopelessness. But they couldn’t do anything but be supportive. They’ve tried their best to warn her about the dangers of being with you and yet nothing seemed to faze the blue eyed girl. She didn’t care, she was in love. She looked at you like you were the universe. It didn’t matter that you keep brushing her off whenever she asks about your relationship. It didn’t matter that she’s met half of your family but you only introduced her as a “friend” No, none of it mattered to her. What mattered was that she was in your orbit; that you saw her.

2 years ago she would have never dreamed that you would spare her a glance. You were never the type to date losers. And yet here she was, knee deep in the passenger seat of her car, eating you out and having the time of her life. Hazel lapped up your juices, not wasting a drop. The brunette swore to herself that she would never get tired of how you tasted. How soft you felt under her palms.

“Fuck Hazel, right there.” You moaned, gripping her hair as you found release.

The younger girl looks at you with a sense of pride as she props herself up on her elbows. You take a hand and caress the sweet girl’s cheek, looking at her with admiration.

“Did I do good?” She asks with a seemingly innocent tone. Oh, how sweet she was. How kind. It broke your heart to lead such a good person on.

You nodded, adjusting your clothes and sitting up. The brown haired girl sat next to you on the driver’s seat. She looked nervous, like she was bottling something up.

“Is something bothering you?”

Hazel sucks a breath in. She was fidgeting with her rings and that’s how you knew that she was nervous about something. You put your hand on top of hers to calm her down.

“It's just that,” She starts, not able to make eye contact with you, “I wanted to ask you something if that’s okay.”

You purse your lips. You know where this was going. She was going to ask about your relationship again. You didn’t have it in you to break her heart today. Not when she just gave you the best head of your life. But you couldn’t exactly give her what she wanted. It wasn’t that easy. You adored Hazel more than anything in the world, and she meant more to you than any other person did. But you couldn’t bring yourself to make things official. It was all too real, too heavy. Being vulnerable and leaving your heart’s responsibility to another person was something you just couldn’t do. You couldn’t afford another heartbreak. It’s not like Hazel would, though. You knew that she would treat you well, but you couldn’t promise the same for her.

“Hazel, baby.” You said, giving her hand a squeeze. “If this is about what I think it is, I’m sorry. I can’t give you an answer today. But you know what you mean to me.”

Hazel nods, biting her lip as she tries to fight off tears. You could feel a crack forming in your heart at the sight of your girl with glassy eyes.

“It’s okay.” She breathed. It was not. But she had to pretend that it was. She didn’t want to lose you. She knew that many others sought after you. So she nods and she smiles.

────────────────────────────────────────────

Hazel settles into class and takes a seat next to PJ and Josie. The pair looked at her expectantly and she could only give them a sad stare. They already knew what happened from the looks of the brown haired girl. The campus crush strikes again. Hazel spends the rest of the class with her mind not on the lesson, but on your relationship. Dark thoughts started to muddle her mind, she wondered what was wrong with her, why it was so hard for you to give her a chance.

PJ puts a hand on her shoulder, shaking her out of her trance.

“Hey, we’re going to the cafe and maybe study, you wanna come with?” She asks, both her and Josie look at her with sympathy. This was the only way they knew how to cheer their friend up. Neither were the type to be touchy or give words of assurance. Plus, they knew Hazel wouldn’t want anyone else but you to touch her anyway.

Hazel simply nods, not having the energy to respond verbally.

They head to the cafe nearest to their building and occupy a table near a window. This was your table. Well, both of yours. Hazel brought you here the first time she asked you out and it became your meetup destination from then on.

Josie sets a drink in front of her and takes a seat across the table.Her friends look at her expectantly. They want to know what went down, expectedly. Hazel doesn’t know if she has the courage to tell her friends about her rejection. It wasn’t like this was the first time anyway, but it still hurt. She can’t help but feel ashamed of her hubris, how she spoke highly of herself and how sure she was that this would be the time you would change her mind only for her to come back like a scared dog with her tail tucked between her legs. It’s like she never learned when it came to you.

Hazel opens her mouth, racking her brain for words to describe what went on yesterday.

“Well-”

“Shut up.” PJ interjects, looking at something behind Hazel. Something beyond the window and on the outside of the cafe.

“What’s going on?” She asks nervously.

Josie gives her a disappointed look, nodding her head towards where PJ was staring. It was you. With a girl who wasn’t her. Now, she wouldn’t immediately assume malicious things whenever she sees you with someone else but this time it was different. You had your arm wrapped around the woman and the both of you were smiling at some stupid thing she couldn’t comprehend. Hazel’s body started to feel warm and tears started to well in her eyes. She felt stupid. Her lip quivered and she was holding back a sob.

“We should go.” Josie says with caution. Her friend takes her hand and leads her outside away from the cafe. Away from you.

“I’m sure that was nothing.” PJ says, which was very unlike her. Usually, she’d take this as an opportunity to spew insults and talk about how you were using her. How people saw Hazel as some girl that you fuck on her couch. But this time she chose to bite her tongue. She already saw how broken her friend was and she didn’t want to add to it. Especially not since Hazel was the only person left in the friend group without a solid relationship.

“Right.” Hazel choked out. She couldn’t bring herself to speak. If she spoke, she was sure that it would continue on to a sob. The blue eyed girl didn’t want to break out sobbing in front of so many people. But she couldn’t help the hurt she felt.

────────────────────────────────────────────

It’s been a week since the incident. Hazel was ignoring you. She didn’t need Josie or PJ’s words to convince her to do it this time. The hurt in her heart was enough. Though she couldn’t deny that it was difficult to do. You would hit her up and all she could do was ignore you. A small voice inside Hazel was deluding her, telling her that you care because you didn’t stop messaging her. But she knew better. Just then, her phone pings and it was another text from you.

MY girl (mine): baby are you okay? It’s been a week. i’m worried about you, yk. MY girl (mine): text me back, okay? MY girl (mine): i miss you.

Hazel groans at the last message you sent. You certainly knew how to reel her in. Did you actually miss her? Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to give you a bit of an update. No. She had to stay strong. This relationship had dragged on for too long. She was going crazy without confirmation from you. She needed security, stability. She needed you to tell her that you wanted her. But she knew better. The brunette throws her phone across her bed and decides to continue ignoring you.

Just then, a knock on her door interrupts her train of thought. Hazel’s stomach drops and she feels nervous for no reason. Her mind was feeding her delusions again. What if it was you? Had you come to check up on her? The knocking continues and she forces herself to get out of bed to make way towards the door. Her hand hovers over the doorknob, she didn’t know how to feel if it was you on the other side and if it weren’t. She’d been doing so well at staying away, but her being called for you. Every part of her being yearned for your touch, for your voice, for you.

“Hazel? It’s me.” Your voice is muffled by the door but she definitely knew that it was you. Her heart jumped, her pulse was racing. Her mind was screaming right now. So you did come to see her! She couldn’t help but smile at the thought of your concern. Maybe you did care for her, maybe a part of you felt the same.

She wiped the smile off her face before opening the door. She didn’t want you to see how excited she was. Not that it wasn’t obvious from how she glowed.

“Hey.” She greeted, opening the door a bit too excitedly. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you. You’ve been ignoring me.” You reply, looking at her with a bit of hurt.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I got sick.” She lies, fake coughing. Hazel couldn’t help but feel guilty. She couldn’t tell you the truth, though. She wasn’t very confrontational and she was too scared that you’d shut her down. All she wanted right now was to bask in your presence and let herself enjoy the fact that you went out of your way to see her.

“Aw, you should have told me, Haze. I would have brought you meds too.” The brunette looks down and sees your hand with a plastic bag full of what she assumes are snacks.

“Are those for me?” Hazel replies with shock and fascination. You’d never done anything like this for her before. This caught her off guard. Usually it was her that did all the effort but here you were with all her favorite snacks. Her heart warmed at the thought. Maybe PJ and Josie were wrong about you.

You roll your eyes playfully. “Obviously, dummy. Can I come in?”

The blue eyed girl nods and lets you in. You settle on her bed and put the plastic bag full of Hazel’s favorite snacks and drinks on her desk. It took you a bit longer to come visit Hazel than you’d intended. You were well aware that she was ignoring you and that she was lying to your face. But you couldn’t blame her. She must have had her reasons and you knew that you were a major part of it. You felt guilty. Hazel didn’t deserve to be stringed around like a rag doll, but you couldn’t let her go either. Which is why you swallowed your pride and came over to hers with all her favorite snacks. You didn’t even have to make an effort on remembering what she liked because it was all ingrained in your mind. If it were any other girl, you would have let them stay away but Hazel was different.

“Do you feel okay now?”

“Uhm…yeah. I guess.”

You pout, not knowing what to say to her. Instead, you pat the empty spot beside you and gesture for her to sit. Hazel takes the cue and as soon as she does, you wrap your arms around her.

“I missed you, Haze.” You whisper, burying your nose on the crook of her neck. She smelled good, clean. She smelled like home.

Hazel’s arms tighten around you as she reciprocates the feelings. You feel a weight fall off your shoulders, one that you never knew you had. It was always so easy to be with her. Sure, she was sometimes awkward, and sometimes she yapped a lot, but she was your girl. She felt like a warm cozy day in bed. She enveloped your mind and senses and it scared you dearly.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Haze. I know you aren’t sick.” You mumble, holding her tighter.

Your lover sighs and takes a minute before replying. Your heart was pounding.

“I saw you the other day near the cafe.” She trails off, rubbing her palms on your back. “You were with a girl.”

“It was a friend.” You reply, cutting off allegations before Hazel could make them. You knew where this was going.

“I knew that,” She says, giving you a reassuring smile. “I told PJ and Josie that too.”

Hazel felt as if that wasn’t true, but she didn’t want to ruin the mood. It’s not every day that she has you in her dorm room all to herself. And it wasn’t like you two were a thing anyway. The thought of your relationship seemed to dampen her mood even more. The brunette couldn’t help but noticeably frown.

You lifted your head from her embrace and looked at her, your eyebrows furrowed.

“There’s something else that’s bothering you. I can feel it.”

“It’s just…” She starts, readying herself for what she was about to say. She really couldn’t hold it in any longer. Hazel could just not get why you two couldn’t become official.

“Don’t you want to be mine? Or like each others”

Your face feigns confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Like, girlfriends.” She shrugged, avoiding eye contact. “It’s not like we don’t already do couple-y things, you know.”

“Hazel,” you sigh. “Please don’t start.”

“I love you.” She blurts out. You could feel your breath hitch and your palms grow cold. This couldn’t be happening right now. Your chest tightens at her confession and you feel sorry for her. No words could leave your mouth right now and all you could do was stare.

“I’m sorry.” She says, noticing the lack of response.

You put a hand on her cheek.

“No, baby. Don’t apologize.” She looks at you with her big blue eyes that were filled with regret and sadness. Hurt filled your chest as you saw how tears started to fill her eyes.

Letting go of your embrace, she said, “I just don’t get it. I don’t get why you don’t want me.”

“Haze, that’s not true at all. You know that. I do want you.” You counter, trying to get her to look at you.

“Then why can’t you admit it? Why can’t you commit to loving me?” She shoots back at you, her voice cracked.

A lump formed in your throat and you couldn’t find the words. It’s not that you didn’t love her, you did, with all of your being. But you couldn’t commit to being with her because of how afraid you were to hurt her. Hazel wasn’t like you. She’s pure, kind, and thoughtful. You on the other hand had a reputation for breaking hearts. You simply couldn’t bear the thought of breaking her heart. Being with you meant people would judge her more than she already was. More than you already were.

“Please leave.” She whispers as she takes your hand off her cheek. The sound of her sniffles filled the room.

“I’m really sorry, Haze.” You mutter, getting up. Maybe giving her space would be the right thing to do. Hazel deserved better than a girl like you, after all. She would be better off with someone who’d be proud to love her.

────────────────────────────────────────────

Hazel looked at her phone for the nth time today, hoping that she might catch a stray message from you. Unfortunately, you seemed better off without her as she hadn’t received anything for the past two weeks. She even texted once and you didn’t even read the message.

The brunette groans into her pillow. She regretted ever pushing it with you. Honestly, she wished that she kept her mouth shut. Maybe you’d still be in bed with her if she had. But a part of her was relieved. Relieved that at least everything’s clearer now to her and she managed to say what she always has. Hazel loved you more than anything in the world. More than her stamp collection and that says something. But she knew when to let go and wave the white flag. She couldn’t keep going in the relationship blind and not knowing what to do. Though, a small part of her still puts up hope that maybe one day you’ll choose her. Maybe.

Her phone pings just then and her head shoots up. Hope fills her heart up as she looks at the notifications on her screen.

MY girl (mine): Hey! Sorry I didn’t reply to your texts. LOL. I think I’m ready to be girlfriends now :)) Come over to the party over at Isabel’s later?

Hazel frowned. Something wasn’t right. There was a tugging at her stomach that told her to be careful, but it was quickly overridden with excitement.

Hazel: sure bby ill be there!! see u <33 MY girl (mine): Great :))

She arrives over at Isabel’s after a good fifteen minute walk. Hazel slowed herself down, she didn’t want to seem too eager to see you. Plus, she wanted to rehearse the potential conversation in her head before she saw you. In her hands was a bouquet of flowers and a handwritten letter that she wrote when she first met you. It was full of adoration and compliments about how captivating you were and how you captured the girl’s heart. To say she was excited was an understatement. The day was finally here. You two would be official.

“Hey Haze!” Isabel greets her as she makes her way to the door.

She waves her hand at her and asks your whereabouts. Isabel tells you that you’re over at her room, something about needing to lie down because your social battery is low. Hazel chuckled at that and thought about how you and her were similar in many ways.

Making her way upstairs, she rehearsed every talk point she wanted to bring up. Her hands were sweaty and her heart pounded but she was feeling optimistic.

Standing in front of Isabel’s room door, she takes the knob and opens it. Her heart drops at the sight in front of her. There you were kissing the girl she saw you with near the cafe. Tears flooded her eyes as she choked up a sob.

The sound of Hazel’s sob alerts you and you push the girl away.

“Hazel, oh my god. It’s not what you think-”

The blue eyed girl storms out of the house faster than you could finish the sentence. You run after her but not before slapping your friend. She kissed you without prior knowledge and somehow you had a feeling that she might be the reason why Hazel was here.

Catching up to your lover, you spot her walking away from Isabel’s house.

“Hazel, wait! Please.” You pleaded, grabbing her arm. Tears were also evident in your eyes. Somehow you knew that this moment would define the way Hazel saw you and it burned you with agony.

“You lied to me!” She yelled, not being able to contain her feelings anymore. She had always tried to be patient and kind. It was never in her nature to yell or be aggressive but this time all of the anguish inside of her built up and she couldn’t help but lash out.

“Hazel I didn’t know you would be here and it’s not what it looks like, please.” You sob, pleading with her. She didn’t seem to believe you. Her eyes were filled with hurt and doubt.

“You-” She said in between sobs, “You said you wanted to be with me. That you wanted to be together. You lied.”

“Baby, I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m sorry.” You said.

Hazel takes her phone out of her pockets and shoves her phone in front of you. There, you saw a text from your number but it was not written by you. You were right. Your friend did set the whole thing up. Disbelief filled your senses at the betrayal. You knew she had a thing for you but you couldn’t believe that she would do such a thing like this. Everyone knows not to approach you especially because they’ve seen you with Hazel and because you reject anyone else.

“Do you know what they call me? They call me some girl you fuck on the side. I can’t believe I let this go on for so long, I feel so stupid.” She said, her voice breaking at every word. Hazel’s words were filled with venom and each felt like poison injecting itself in your bloodstream. The day you feared had come to be. In an attempt to run away and shield her, you broke her heart without notice and without care.

“Hazel, I’m so sorry. You’re more than that to me, you know that.”

“Just because you say that doesn’t mean I feel it.”

It felt like something sharp struck your chest. How could you be so blind? You thought that keeping her at arms length would be the safest thing to do. But now you see your lover as she breaks in front of you.

“You’re not stupid,” You say as you get closer to her. “And I do love you, Haze.”

At that, Hazel froze. She didn’t know if she heard it correctly. But she did. Did she? It felt like a trick on her mind. The girl’s brows furrowed and her mouth hung ajar.

“Do you really?” She whispers, scared that if she said anything louder that everything would disrupt. She was afraid that she was dreaming.

You nod, wrapping your arms around her chest.

“More than anything in the world, Haze.”

Hazel looks at you, searching your eyes for any signs of trickery and lies. But all she could see was sincerity.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you. I thought that it would be better for the two of us if we weren’t anything. I thought people would judge less. Stupid on my part, I know.” You apologize, breaking eye contact.

“You’re not stupid.” She assures, her tone was soft and kind.

“I kind of am.” You sniffle, giving her a shy smile. It was time to face your fears. You couldn’t handle seeing Hazel hurt and you had to admit that your heart screamed for her. It was as if you were made on this earth to love and care for her.

“It’s okay, I am too.” She reassures you and it makes you laugh. Hazel smiles at hearing your laughter.

“So where do we go from here? Girlfriends?”

Hazel purses her lips, thinking about your friend she caught you in a lip lock with.

“I don’t know, what about the person you were kissing earlier?”

“That was nothing,” You said, shaking your head, “She was jealous of you. And she was the one that sent you that text. I’m so sorry for roping you in this, Haze.”

“It’s okay.” She replies, Hazel believed in you. Her gut was right about that text message. Next time she saw that “friend” of yours she was sure to put a punch in. She hadn’t forgotten about her days at the fight club after all. Maybe she should put her skills back to good use.

“So…” You trail off, cutting her thoughts off.

“Girlfriends?” She asks, retracting from your arms and handing you the flowers and letter she had.

You beamed at the brunette and nodded eagerly, “If you want me to be.”

Hazel looks at you, bewildered.

“What? of course I want you to be.” She said, not catching your teasing tone. This makes you laugh at how adorable she was.

“Never mind.” You reply as you lean closer, putting your lips on hers. The kiss was eager but definitely not rough. It was a kiss shared between lovers that have reconnected. Lovers who finally bared their hearts with each other. It was soft, beautiful, and it made your head dizzy.

“I love you, Haze.” You said in between kisses. Hazel smiles and continues kissing you.

In the far distance, two girls had their eyes set on you from the beginning as the fight between you and Hazel ensued. They were both taking bets on what the outcome would be. When you kissed and made up, the other had to pay up.

“Damn, I didn’t think they’d actually end up together.” PJ said disappointedly as she rummaged her pockets for twenty dollars that she lost to Josie.

“I told you, dumbass. They have the hots for each other.” Josie replied, not revealing that Isabel told her all about how you wanted to be with Hazel but couldn’t because of your issues. She admits that she was iffy about you at first but now that she saw you going after Hazel, she decided that you weren’t that bad after all. Though, that was something she’d keep to herself. For now though, she’s enjoying her victory and beaming with pride as her friend finally gets the girl.

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