Tumgik
#my ipad decided that it wanted to work again after a month or 2
luyo-mi · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
omg? i? am? back?
960 notes · View notes
genericpuff · 3 months
Note
When it comes to a drawing tablet do you recommend a beginner get one with a screen or one without specifically for webcomics?
So what you use the tablet for ultimately doesn't matter. Webcomics, illustration, animation, they're just different expressions of the same overall skillset. I've gone from using desk tablets to screen tablets and then back to desk tablets again. My current setup is a Huion Inspiroy Giano which is a very large desk tablet (no screen) with a Huion Kamvas 22 Plus as my display (screen).
Tumblr media
(hi jim lol)
Now this obviously seems INCREDIBLY redundant but the reason why it's like that is because I used to use the Huion Kamvas 22 Plus as my screen tablet... until the pen input stopped working :)""" But it still works perfectly fine as a display! When I was shopping around for new drawing tablets though, I wasn't sure if I wanted to take the financial risk on another screen tablet. The Huions are a lot cheaper than the Wacom models which is great for people looking for inexpensive options, but if it meant I'd have to replace my screen tablets more often than my old Wacom Cintiq, then it wasn't gonna be worth it (but I didn't want to dump $2k on a tablet again LOL)
So I wound up getting a desk tablet instead! I had used Wacom desk tablets a lot prior to screens, and while it had been a few years, I re-adjusted in no time. The Huion Inspiroy Giano is, so far, a very reliable tablet. It just connects with a USB, no crazy 3-in-1 cables like the screen displays. It satisfies my need for a large tablet (seriously, if I can offer any piece of advice in regards to tablets, size does often matter because if a tablet is too small you'll be over-relying on your wrist for motions which isn't good for line integrity or your hand health!!!!) but it didn't break my budget like the Wacom tablets (and didn't feel as risky as buying another Kamvas 22 Plus after what happened the last time).
The only downside to it is that it has a bit of a rough surface to it which I find does a lot of initial wearing down on the nibs. I mean fr look at this thing-
Tumblr media
And that will happen after only like, a few hours of use LOL that said, I've been using this nib for like 2 months now and it hasn't worn down more than that, so if you don't mind your nibs having a visible slant to them, it really doesn't cause any other issues.
That said, I've only had this tablet for about half a year now. I also used to sing praises for the Kamvas 22 Plus until it suddenly decided it wasn't going to work anymore without explanation, so... take my review of the Inspiroy Giano with grains of salt. At least though if this thing mysteriously stops working like the Kamvas did, I'll only have to pay $200-$300 to replace it vs. the Kamvas' $700+. It's still not a small amount of money, but it pays itself off quickly (and it's a lot cheaper compared to the equivalent Intuos Pro line from Wacom, which costs upwards of $500+ for a decently sized one).
Screen tablets are definitely helpful to have though, and I wouldn't object to returning to the screen displays once I can justify dropping money on one again. I still use a screen display on the go via my iPad Pro. But I don't think desk tablets should be taken for granted as a perfectly viable tool either, I think the initial learning curve tends to intimidate people a lot, but they're really quite comfortable to use once you adjust to the translation of desk tablet to monitor. You can also adjust the screen settings through the tablet driver anyways, which is what I did for my tablet because it was a little too big in spots where I had to reach really far to get to the color wheel tab on the right... so I just reduced the screen ratio to make up for it :)
Tumblr media
I find once you learn how to use both - and learn your foundations in digital art - the desk tablet vs. screen tablet debate just boils down to personal preference rather than any real difference in what they can do for your art. I've drawn stuff like Rekindled on screen displays, desk tablets, iPads, etc. You might try a desk tablet and not like it after a while (though again, with the initial skill ceiling of adjusting to it, give it a few weeks of trying if you can, you will not immediately get used to it overnight!!!) and decide that screen tablets are more up your alley.
It really depends on what you're wanting to pay for a tablet. Though like with any new skillset that you're just getting into, I wouldn't recommend dropping money on the most expensive tool because ultimately the differences between expensive and cheap aren't going to be noticeable to you until you actually learn the skill itself, and it's not uncommon at all for people to pick up a new skill, shell out shitloads to learn it, and then get discouraged when it takes a while and makes the expense feel like a waste. Those higher end tablets are often more suited for professionals, not because they're "only meant for pros", but because pros will be able to fully utilize all their upper-skill features in a way a newbie who's still learning how to use a desk tablet won't.
Thankfully, it's easier than ever to get an affordable tablet that's easy to learn and Wacom is no longer the "only option", so I highly recommend looking into brands like Huion, XP-Pen, and Gaomon, as they offer very inexpensive tablets with a wide array of options from desk tablets to screen displays. Make sure you do your research on them, check out places like reddit for actual human reviews, note that every brand and tablet will come with their pros and cons, so it's really just about weighing out what you feel will work best for you and what you're trying to achieve!
And of course, if you're looking to draw comics specifically, look into Clip Studio Paint! It goes on sale at least twice a year, the PRO version is literally all you need to get started (EX comes with some helpful features like Teamwork, but like those fancy high end tablets, they won't necessarily be useful to someone who's just starting out). The PRO version comes with all the rulers, panel cutters, text tools, etc. that you need to get into making comics, it's a great piece of software !!!
I hope that helps!!! Best of luck!! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ~ ♡
57 notes · View notes
Tumblr media
(They Long To Be) Close To You {1}
Harry Styles x fem!reader
Part 1- Sunflower Vol. 6
(No mention of pandemic.This starts as Harry writes Harry's house)Y/N lived a simple life. She worked and she loved what she did. She loved her family and she was happy. She didn't think she needed anything else. But one day, on a flight to a new adventure, she meets the one person she never expected to meet.
Fic warnings: mentions of past trauma, smut later, age gap (8 years), will leave warnings every chapter.
June 2020
It started in the early morning. 6:45 am to be precise. It was a chilly Gallup morning, and the balloons were going up, as they always did that early.
Leaving the house as soon as she could, starting the 20 minute drive to work like she did every day. Arriving at work with no problem, she was immediately called into her boss, Sofia's office.
"Y/N/N, could you come in here for a sec? And close the door?"
Y/N's pov
I slowly walked into Sofia's office, closing the door behind me and sitting down.
"Did I do something again?"
The older woman chuckles and shakes her head.
"No. But I wanted to talk to you. Do you remember when Alexander said we were expanding into Europe?"
I nod my head, briefly remembering the conversation.
"Well, they want you to go with a few drivers and go to London for a couple months to start up the first branch.Your position would be my current one. The company is paying for your living space and travel, you are responsible for anything else. Interested?"
Wow. That's... not what I thought she was gonna talk to me about.
"U-um yeah I'd love to! When do I leave?"
She smiles.
"At the end of the month. You'll be in charge of everything and everyone there. I know you'll do great."
I smile and thank her.
After that, the month flies fast. I pack what I need and it's shipped to my new flat and anything else goes into my mom's garage. On the day I leave, I meet the 2 drivers coming with me, Jackson and Adam, at the airport. At 4:30am.
It's already too early and I need coffee.
"You guys ready for this?"
The two men tiredly nod and we trek to our gate after checking our bags. After about 30 minutes we begin boarding our flight. The attendant scans my boarding pass and gives me a bright smile, definitely too bright for how early it is.m
"Miss, it seems you've been upgraded to first class due to availability. Enjoy your flight!"
Adam, Jackson and myself just share a look and proceed ahead. I find my seat and holy crap it's nice. They find theirs in economy and we part ways. I take my seat and pull out my iPad, briefly starting to get some work done. The plane takes off and soon we land in LAX.
The flight is a straight trip but I guess they had to pick up more people. I decide to put my work away and watch Demon Slayer instead. I pay no mind when I see from the corner of my eye, someone take the seat next to me. Jackson comes over to me to chat for a minute at that moment as well.
"Hey Y/N/N, do you have all the addresses for where we are staying? Ryan forgot to send it to us."
"Yeah. We're all in the same place, just separate units. We'll be fine."
He nods and then briefly looks at my screen.
"Really? Demon Slayer again?"
I flip him off and he laughs before he returns to his seat. After a couple minutes, the person next to me finally speaks up.
"Is it good? What you're watching?"
I take out my headphones and turn to the stranger, about to reply, when I see his face and my mouth drops.
"I-I um yeah, it is. I like it."
He smiles and holds out his hand to me.
" I'm Harry."
I smile and shake his hand.
I'm pretty sure he could tell I was shaking.
"I-I'm Y/N. I-It's nice to meet you!"
He laughs and I swear I could just die after hearing that sound.
"Y' must know who I am."
I nod and blush.
"I love your music. Always makes me feel better and brings a smile to my face."
He smiles.
" 'M glad to hear that. I love makin' music and gettin to share it. 'T means a lot t' me that it helps so many."
I nod and we talk for a bit.
I don't think I've ever actually had this meaningful of a conversation with anyone before.
"S'what are you watchin? Looks interesting."
"Oh, that? Oh it's just an anime that I like. I've seen it multiple times. I guess I just like watching it."
I giggle and he smiles, filling my stomach with butterflies.
"Would y'mind if I watched with you?"
I nod my head and hand off an AirPod to him, moving my iPad in the middle so we could both see and I hit play.
Somehow, through the flight, we finished season one and part of Mugen Train before we finally land. And I don't think I have ever been more disappointed. We both got up but before he walked away, Harry turned to me.
"I don't usually do this, but I want to see you again. Would y'want to maybe... exchange numbers? J-just as long as you promise not t'give it out...?"
Holy shit holy shit ho-ly shit.
"Y-yeah I'd love to! And I'd never do that! That's a betray of trust and that's one thing I refuse to do to anyone!"
He smiles and takes my phone, putting his number in it.
"Text me love. I would love t' get coffee with you sometime."
I smile and nod, waving him goodbye as I wait for Jackson and Adam to meet me up front. I see them come up and Jackson is grinning and wiggling his eyebrows at me.
"Shut it Miles. I don't want to hear it."
The two men laugh as we make our way out of the plane to baggage claim. I look around briefly for Harry and obviously I don't see him, causing disappointment to show on my face. I decide to pull out my phone and text him.
Y/N- Hi Harry! It's Y/N!😊
H-Couldn't wait, could you love?
Y/N-I could've! I'm just waiting at baggage claim and the two idiots I'm traveling with are teasing me!😒
H-Yeah? That's not nice. Should I come steal you away?
Y/N-Ha! As much as I would love that, I have to get the three of us settled in and dispatch them. Maybe coffee tomorrow?
H-Sounds great! I know a great place! I'll text you the address! See you tomorrow,love!
Y/N-See you tomorrow❤️
>>>————————————->
Waking up early the next morning sucked.
My alarm wakes me up at 6:30 as-per usual, but my jet lagged body did not agree with the new time zone. I had worked late, only getting to bed at about 2am, which would've been 9am my time.
I get up and take a shower, the hot water only soothing my aching bones for a short time. I dry myself off and make my way into the bedroom where my unpacked suitcases remain. I start to open them, only grabbing what I need.
I pull out a bright floral sundress, a pair of strapped sandals and the only other purse I packed.
Tumblr media
I quickly get dressed before doing my hair and putting on just a little bit of makeup when I hear my phone ping. I look down at it to see a text from Harry and I smile.
H- Good morning, Y/N! I can't wait to see you!Meet me at the Abbey Road Cafe. I'll be there waiting! x
I blush and finish up before grabbing my bag and leaving. It's only about a 10 minute walk to the cafe and I manage to get there without getting lost. I head inside and find Harry in the back at a table. He smiles at me and stands up and he gives me a hug.
Tumblr media
"You look beautiful! I'm feelin' a bit underdressed!"
Panic flashes in my eyes and he shakes his head with a small laugh.
"I'm only teasing! Really, you look amazing. Shall we get some coffee? Thought we might get some brekkie too before heading off."
I smile and follow him to the register.
"Order what you'd like. My treat!"
I frown and start to argue.
"Oh Harry, I couldn't ask you-."
He laughs and shakes his head once more.
"You didn't ask, I offered. Please?"
I sigh and nod and turn to the barista.
"May I please get a hazelnut espresso with oat milk? And.. a breakfast croissant?"
She nods and typed it in to her POS before turning to Harry, who smiles.
"A black coffee please. And a breakfast croissant as well."
She nods and he quickly pays and we stand off to the side to wait for our order.
"So, how was your first day in your office yesterday? Get settled in already?"
I sigh and only shrug.
"I suppose so. It's so nerve wracking. I was kind of thrown into this and while I'm grateful for the opportunity, it's a lot more responsibility than I had before."
He nods and gives me a small pat on the back.
"I'm sure you'll get the hang of it quick, yeah? Y' seem pretty resourceful, like you catch on quick."
I plush and grip my bag in embarrassment. We get our order and sit down at the back table, talking as we eat. We finish quickly and dispose of our trash before heading out.
"So you haven't gotten a chance to see any of the sights yet, right?"
I shake my head with a frown.
"I'll be here for a couple months so I'll have time but I would definitely like to see them."
He smiles and nods.
"I had a thought- I know the big sites and exciting.. But would you like to see some of the hidden gems of London?"
My face lights up and I nod enthusiastically.
"Please! I'd love to!"
He smiles and holds a hand out to me. I blush and hesitantly take it, butterflies filling my stomach as he laces out fingers together. We take the tube down to Little Venice and my mouth drops at the view.
"I-I've never seen anything so beautiful before..."
Harry smiles and leads me down a pathway.
"I thought we could take a kayak ride. Is that something you'd want to do?"
I nod and smile. We head over to the dock and board one of the kayaks, sitting close together.
He holds tight onto my hand as we travel down the river, making small talk.
>>>———————————>
1 Month
The next time I'm able to see Harry in person, he's walking through the doors of my office building with a plastic bag in hand and a smile on his face. My eyes widen as he walks through the dark doors and into my small office, shooting up from my chair in surprise.
"Harry! What are you doing here? Did you not see my text about lunch?"
He smiles and nods as he sits down in the chair in front of my desk, dropping my bag on the mahogany surface.
"I did. You said you had too much to do. So, I brought it to you."
He opens the bag and begins to place containers on my desk before pulling out a few bottles of water, and to my surprise, a bottle of Dr. Pepper.
"Harry... Where did you go? This looks incredible!"
He laughs and shakes his head. He walks away for a moment, to the break room I imagine, before coming back with some napkins.
"I didn't actually. Went to Whole Foods and Sainsbury's and bought the ingredients. Took maybe 2 hours? Hope it tastes good, haven't made sushi in quite a while."
He hands me a pair of chopsticks and opens the containers, my mouth watering at the sight.
"California Rolls? How did you know?"
He chuckles and he takes a roll and dips it into the cup of soy sauce he brought.
"You mentioned it the other day that you were craving some. Thought I might make some. There's also some fresh fruit and veg. Some veggie pot stickers too. Oh, and how could I forget-."
He reaches into the bag and pulls out a small blue package. Oreos.
"Thought you could use these too."
He smiles and hands them to me with a smile and I blush.
"Are you a mind reader? I was just thinking last night how much I wanted some to go with my glass of milk! You are seriously amazing."
I'm not sure if I see correctly or not, but his cheeks tint as if he was blushing, and he lets out a small laugh. We continue to eat and chat until we finish. With a light kiss to my cheek, he leaves with plans to go to dinner later in the week.
4 Months
"Harry, really. Where are we going? It's 11:30! It's almost midnight!"
He laughs as he pulls me along the dark streets of London until he stops in front of a building.
"What is-."
I raise an eyebrow at him and he just shakes his head before opening the door and pulling me inside. He heads down a hallway and reaches a door, pushing it open before pulling me inside.
"A studio? Why are we here?"
He pulls me over to the grand piano in the corner and sits me down on the bench, before sitting down next to me.
"I just finished a song for the new album. I haven't played it for anyone outside of the band.. I wanted to play you some of it."
He turns to look at me and tears swell in my eyes.
"Really? You want to play it for me. I'd love to hear it."
He smiles and scooches up close to me before turning back to the piano. He positions his hands and begins to softly play and sing.
Holdin' me back
Gravity's holdin' me back
I want you to hold out the palm of your hand
Why don't we leave it at that?
Nothin' to say
When everything gets in the way
Seems you cannot be replaced
And I'm the one who will stay, oh
In this world, it's just us
You know it's not the same as it was
In this world, it's just us
You know it's not the same as it was
As it was, as it was
You know it's not the same
He removes his fingers from the keyboard and turns his head back to me, only for a look of fear to appear on his face.
"Why are you crying? Are you okay? Do you-."
I sniffle and shake my head before wiping away my tears with the sleeves of my cardigan.
"I-I'm fine. That was just-. That was amazing Harry. You really are so talented. That wasn't even the whole song and you already have me pulled in. It's gonna be an amazing album. Album of the year, I bet!"
He blushes and wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side.
"That's definitely too soon to think about. But thank you love, I appreciate you saying so. Now, how about a late night snack? Then I'll take you home?"
I giggle and nod before standing up. I hold my hand out to Harry and he takes it with a smile. We walk out of the studio hand in hand in the dead of night, only our laughs echoing the streets.
7 Months
"A movie? You want to go to the cinema?"
I nod with a big smile.
"I haven't been since I left home! I thought it would be fun! Please!"
I pout and he sighs before giving me a small smile and nods. I squeal and jump into his arms, laughing as he catches me.
"What movie did you have in mind?"
I loop my arm through his as we begin to walk towards the nearest theater and I think for a minute.
"I was thinking like an action movie. Marvel if possible. Ooo! Black Widow! Black Widow is in theaters!"
Harry laughs and wraps and arm around my waist as we continue to walk.
"I guess that's the one. You really that into Marvel?"
I give him a look of shock and almost disgust.
"Sir! How many tattoos do I have?"
"16..."
"And how many of them are Marvel tattoos?"
"4..."
I give him a nod and he bursts out laughing, squeezing my waist as he pulls me along.
"You're too much Y/N M/N, you know that?"
I laugh and nod as we walk into the theater.
"Ohhh I'm so excited! I'm still sad over Natasha so if this doesn't save my fragile heart, I don't know what will."
He laughs and we walk in, taking our seats.
>>>——————————>
"Okay, I'll be honest, that was an amazing movie."
I leap in excitement, struggling to contain all my energy as Harry laughs at my child-like nature.
"Amazing?! More like the best movie of the year! Kick ass cast! Florence was 100% the comedic relief I needed! But ooo that scene at the end! She's going after Clint! That's crazy!"
He laughs and pulls me to his side as we walk through the night, laughing and enjoying our time together.
9 Months
It's been a couple months since I met Harry. And everyday with him is amazing. We both work quite a bit but still manage to see each other a couple times a week. Earlier in the week, I received a phone call from one of the corporate bosses.
I've been instructed to go home soon. With the hiring of more staff, I'm not needed and they want me back in my old position... And now I have to tell Harry.
I'm waiting for him at our usual spot and I see him come up to me. I stand up and meet him halfway, walking into his warm embrace.
"Missed you love."
"Missed you too."
He caresses my cheek and kisses my forehead. I can only force a small smile.
"You okay, love? You look a bit down."
"Y-yeah I'm fine. But we do need to talk."
He looks at me with concern as I lead him to our table to sit down.
"So you know how I've been telling you how well things have been going with setting up the new branch?"
He nods his head in acknowledgment.
"Well... it's done. There's new staffing and multiple drivers... so they want me back home."
We sit in silence for just a minute.
"When... When do you have to leave?"
"In 3 days...Look Harry... I don't want this to be the end of whatever this is between us. I like you. And these past couple months? You've made me feel so alive. I've never felt this way before...I know this sounds corny but I don't want this to be the end if you don't..."
He pauses for a minute before he bursts out laughing, leaving me in shock and confusion.
"How do you always seem to take the words out of my mouth?"
He pauses for another minute before continuing.
" Of course I still want to see you. I love spending time with you, Y/N. We'll work it out somehow."
He takes me out of my chair and hugs me tight. He pets my head and I start crying.
"Shhh. It's okay love. M'not letting you go that easily. You're stuck with me."
I begin to argue with him, tears falling down my cheeks as my vision blurs.
"But I'm gonna be in New Mexico! And you're still trying to write your album!"
He gives me a soft smile and shakes his head.
"You're forgetting about something though."
I just look at him in complete and utter confusion.
Those are the facts though... how could I be forgetting something?
"How often have you FaceTimed your mum just this week?"
"I don't know- probably like a good couple dozen- ohhhh! Duh!"
He laughs and hugs me tighter, resting his head against mine.
"I know it's not ideal, but we'll make it work. And I'll come visit you of course. Can't go long without my muse, now can I? I'll never get the album finished without you."
I blush and bury my head in his chest, causing him to chuckle.
"I'm know you would do an amazing job finishing it. You don't need me for inspiration Mr. 'I like to write songs about sex'."
He chuckles and lifts my head up, forcing me to look him in the eyes.
"Of course I do. I've written 2 songs already. Because of you. So I definitely need you. Stop thinking so little of yourself."
I nod, tearing up a little.
"Will you come see me off?"
He smiles and lifts me up.
"You really think I wouldn't? I'd never give up the chance to see you, even if it is goodbye."
He kisses my nose, making me smile.
"Let's go get you packed up, yeah?"
He grabs my bag and leaves a tip for the waiter.
"Wait, you're gonna help me pack?"
"Course I am. Gotta get my time with you while I have you. And besides, we need to finish Edens Zero, don't we?"
I chuckle and nod my head.
As excited as I am to go home to my family and my regular day to day life, I hate that I have to do it without Harry there with me. These past couple months have been amazing and he makes everything more fulfilling.
Heathrow Airport
I woke up early this morning and I'm not ready to leave. Harry came to see me off though. I take his hand and pull him off to the side.
"Something wrong love?"
I take a long deep breath.
"No... I just. I want to tell you something. I want to get it off my plate before I leave... Harry... I love you. And I know this is probably way too soon to say but- I just wanted to tell you. And I totally understand if you-."
Before I can finish, he grabs my face and kisses me. I close my eyes and focus on the feeling of his lips against mine. After a minute or so, he slowly lets go and he lets out a light chuckle.
"Sometimes... I swear... you talk so much that no one can get a word in."
I blush and bury my face in his chest until he pulls me out and places his finger under my chin, lifting my head up.
"I love you, Y/N. I mean it."
I start to tear up a little.
"What did I ever do to deserve you?"
"Dunno, because I am an angel."
He batts his eyes at me and flashes that smile that I love so much.
"Oh hush. I try to be cheesy and you decide to be cheeky."
He chuckles and hugs me, not letting don't let go until they call for boarding for my flight home. He kisses me once more and I let the tears fall down my face.
As soon as we let go, he wipes my tears with his thumb and smiles at me.
"Promise to text me when you're home?"
I nod my head and give him one last hug before I let go, letting the tears fall.
2 Weeks Later
Things have gone back to normal for the most part. I'm back to doing my old job. It hasn't been too bad. But I miss Harry like crazy. We FaceTime at least 3 times a day and talk on the phone almost every second.
He's been singing me to sleep recently and honestly I always wake up refreshed in the morning because of it.
Right now, I'm sitting at my desk, entering orders, when I see a name flash across my phone screen. I smile and answer.
Y/N- Well hello there, handsome!
H-Hi love! What are you doing later this week?
Y/N -Oh, you know, the usual. Working and going to my sisters this weekend, at least I think so. What are you up to?
H-Oh, you know, just planning a trip to go see my favorite girl this weekend.
My eyes go wide.
Y/N-REALLY?!
He laughs.
H-Really... Mum and Gemma wanna meet you. So... they were going to come with... if that's okay...
Y/N-I'd love to meet them! But isn't it too soon? I mean we haven't even made anything official...
H- That's what I said! But according to Gem, I refuse to shut up about you so they are insisting on meeting you.
I let out a little chuckle.
Y/N- I guess if I'm meeting them, you should meet my mom and my sisters..
H-We'll be in Thursday. I'm booking hotels for mum, Gem and Jeff.
Y/N-I'm sorry... are you expecting to stay with me?
H- I mean-
I let out a loud snort.
Y/N- I'm kidding. Of course you can stay with me. But it's only one bed so you can sleep with me or on the couch. I'll ask for Friday off and see if Sofia will approve it.
H-Don't worry bout that. We'll probably sleep Friday and explore later.
Y/N-Text me your flight details and I'll come get you Thursday after I get off. I can't wait to see you!
H- Me too love. I love you
Y/N-Love you too Harry.
We hang up and I get back to work, never letting the smile leave my face for the rest of the day.
>>>——————————->
What did you guys think? Let me know!
WC 4290
Tag List
@be-with-me-so-happily @swiftmendeshoran
@babyiamperfectforyou @freedomfireflies
@kaminokatiee @harrysmimi
@violetsandfluff @fruitmans @fruitmansrecs @strwbrrydaydreams
@rafaaoli @novalunosising
120 notes · View notes
bfiaflbox · 9 months
Text
This is how it starts - Chapter 3
Pairing: Matty x Original Female Character Warnings: swearing
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
The next day I have a client who's not very talkative so I have time to weigh my options during work. I could text Matty and just tell him the date is off. Or I could go on the date and feel weird the whole time. Or I could just ignore it? Or I could fake my death and leave the country and tell Carly to give him my best and to enjoy life with his girlfriend. Great, I love overthinking. After a few hours of trying to figure out where and how I got the wrong Idea about Matty and about the flirting and about the date that's definitely a date because he called it that multiple times, I decide to text Matty.
Me: Hey Matty, I had a lovely time getting to know you but I don‘t think it‘s a good idea to go forward with this date on Friday. I wish you all the best.
There. That's good. Simple, unmistakably clear. I feel sad though. I liked Matty. He was refreshingly not boring and great to hang out with and nice to look at.
I go to the chat with Carly
Me: Did you know he had a girlfriend?
Carly: who? Matty? He‘s single as far as I know.
Me: No, apparently he isn't.
Carly: That‘s weird. Adam didn’t say anything. How did you find out?
Me: He was at my place and she called him, he ended the call telling her he loved her and then quickly left. Almost like he had a bad conscience.
Carly: That‘s weird.
I put my phone in my pocket and clean up the shop. I check the appointments for the next day, see that I still have to finish the drawing for my client tomorrow and get out my iPad to see the state of the rough sketch I made when they first made the appointment. I draw for a few hours, totally focussed on the task at hand. It's already dark outside when I'm happy with the design.
I get out my phone to check the time and see that Matty texted back.
Matty: honestly, that bums me out. What happened to change your mind?
Is he playing dumb? But fine, if he wants me to spell it out to him...
Me: I don’t want to be the girl you cheat on your girlfriend with.
He answers in a matter of seconds.
Matty: What girlfriend? Matty: Did you read something in the tabloids? It‘s all made up, you know?
Me: No?! I mean the girl that called you the other night? Danielle? Denise? Whatever! You told her you loved her??
Matty: Hannah
Matty: Darling
Fuck him, calling me darling right now!
Matty: That was literally my mother.
Oh. Oh.
Well now I'm completely mortified. The idea of faking my death and leaving the country seems more and more appealing.
Matty: But just to be completely clear I don't have a girlfriend. The last one broke up with me a few months ago, thanks for the reminder.
Me: Sorry to hear that.
Matty: No you're not :D
Me: The date on Friday is still off though, the floor just opened and will swallow me now. byeeeeee
Matty: I'll be at your place at seven
///
Friday rolls around and I'm nervous. I'm always nervous before a date because the whole spiel of do they like me and do I like them and are they a serial killer or a trustworthy person is terrifying and nerve wracking. But the Idea of a date with Matty is taking nerve wracking to a whole new level, especially after what went down the other day. I'm obsessing over my outfit and if it was the right choice and am just considering if I have time to change again when my doorbell rings. Ok, no 5th outfit change then. I grab my coat, check for my keys and leave my apartment. Matty is waiting in front of my building, big smile on his face.
"Hi! You look lovely" he greets me. "And other generic things to say when picking up your date" I jokingly snark and raise an eyebrow. Fucking hell where did that come from, he was just being nice! "Will you take the fucking compliment? Jesus" he laughs. "Fine, yeah, sorry, that was harsh. Thanks. You look lovely as well!" "I know" he retorts. "Talk about being able to take a compliment" I snort. "By the way, where are we going?" "Well I thought... ok tell me if you think this is lame but there's this small museum that shows an exhibition on 80s industrial punk zines and also some graphic design and photos from that era and I thought it'd be cool but like I said if you think this is lame we can totally do something else but I kinda wanna se it, I'm really interested in that kind of shit but haven't had the time to go there, no hard feelings if you don't wanna see it, I was just..." "Matty!" I interrupt his ramblings. He looks at me with raised eyebrows, I continue "that sounds quite very interesting, let's go there".
After about 15 minutes of walking we enter the courtyard of what looks like a former industrial building. We cross the courtyard to the entrance of the small museum. The exhibition is really just one room. The walls are filled with black and white photographs, pages from said zines and posters advertising gigs from 35 years ago of bands called Einstürzende Neubauten, Killing Joke and Skinny Puppy. Except for the former, none of the bands ring a bell but to be fair, 80s industrial rock isn't what I hear when I want to sing in the shower. I enjoy the aesthetic of it all, though. I also enjoy watching Matty who looks like a child seeing a Christmas tree for the first time. "Wow, you see, this is totally interesting, the scene back then was so DIY, really down to earth. They literally created all that stuff themselves." he muses. "There’s not many generative alternative scenes left, nowadays." He goes on to talk about bands like Slowdive and what he calls garage pop stuff. I just observe him. I'm not gonna lie, I haven't heard many of the bands he's mentioning but he's in his element and I love how passionate he is. After a while he looks at me and kind of stops himself. "Sorry, I... I'm really enjoying this, I'm probably rambling, it's just all so cool!" but it's so endearing. He's not afraid to like things. Unironically. "We should get going though, I reserved a table for us".
///
Half an hour later we sit down in a rather fancy looking restaurant and a waiter hands us a menu. "So...", Matty starts "how many kids do you want to have?" "Oh sod off, you!", we both laugh. "Haha, sorry, couldn't help it." I look around and start to feel kind of out of place. The people here are posh, there's no other word for it. I can't help but notice that I stick out like a sore thump with the tattoos all over my body and the kind of minimalist casual attire I had chosen for tonight. It's not a good feeling. I try to distract myself with the menu but metaphorically gulp when I see the prices, way out of my league. I get nervous, look over to Matty who's looking relaxed as ever. Right, right, I almost forgot he's a rockstar. Also out of my league. I refuse to let the uneasy feeling that's starting take over. Be who you are, face it head on, talk about it. I put the menu down and fold my fingers over it.
"Ok, I'm just gonna say it like it is: All I can afford here is a glass of water and a side salat without going hungry for the rest of the month. Yep, that's embarrassing but it is what it is, I'm a barely not-starving artist, not a rockstar, I already got my sister in law that awfully fancy pan and there's still the cozzie livs. Soooo, we might have to stop by a chip shop later. Or, I don't know, you have to pay" I say the last part before thinking better of it. Great. Talk about money, that's always such a good topic, not at all laced with all kinds of prejudice and negativity.
"Hm. That's a bummer, I thought you were paying", Matty hasn't even looked up from the menu.
I look at him with a raised eyebrow. He puts the menus down and places one hand over mine. "Darling, this is a date date, you're not paying for shit. Relax, it's ok. I'm not one of the guys who thinks a woman owes them sex when they pay for dinner. Also, I think, Carly would slap me if she found out I made you pay"
I laugh at that and relax a little. "I don't even know what half the words on here mean" I admit in a sort of whiny tone. "Is it rude if I google? Like, what's vadouvan spice? or Acquerello risotto?" at that, Matty just laughs. "I've got no fucking clue, to be honest. Ok I'll order us something and the next time we go to a restaurant that's less..." he waves around "...this?" "The next time, huh? Someone's feeling confident" "Yeah, I have to downplay how embarrassed I am about the fact that my choice of restaurant makes you uncomfortable by appearing overly confident, don't mind me." "God, you're such a self-aware millennial" We both laugh before I continue "Speaking of embarrassed: who the fuck has their mother saved under her first name?" "It's her name, what else would you like me to call her?" he sounds mockingly defensive. "I don't know? Mum lesser three?" "Lesser three?" "Yeah the little..." I wave my fingers, trying to convey the < 3 symbols "...heart thingy" "That's so gay" he laughs.
The waiter comes back and we order some fancy sounding dishes. "So, Matty, I have a question" "Ask away" "Would you rather kill a chicken with your bare hands or live with the chicken for a year" "Does the chicken have to come on tour with me?" "It sure does" "Yeah, then I'm gonna kill the chicken, I'm not dealing with a chicken on a tourbus" he laughs. "Ok fair, I don't blame you" He suddenly stills and his face sours, his gaze is fixed on a point behind me. I study his expression for a second and try to figure it out but come up with nothing. I want to see what seems to have turned his mood but as soon as I try to turn my head, Matty grabs my hand and clears his throat and wants to focus my attention back on him.
„What is it?“
„Nothing“
„You’re a shit liar“ I laugh.
„I don’t lie“ he says seriously.
„Like… ever?“
„Yeah. Ever since I got clean I try to not lie. Lying was the worst part about being an addict“
„Ok, wait, we just brushed three subjects in five seconds, I‘m getting whiplash.“ how did this conversation take this turn all of a sudden?
„Sorry, I‘m a lot“ he sounds sad now.
„No, Matty. It‘s fine“, I try to lighten the mood with my tone. „just… what’s going on?“
„Wait here, ok?“ he gets up and vanishes in the direction of the bar.
Well that leaves me baffled. I’m not annoyed or sad, just surprised. I play the conversation back in my head and try to figure out what nerve I hit that made his mood change that abruptly. I start to feel small and weird. Like I definitely don't belong here.
A few minutes later, Matty comes back, stops at the table and just says "Let's leave, please?"
I look at him and see that his expression conveys a sense of urgency. I get up, grab my coat and let him guide me out of the place. On my way out I meet the eyes of a giggling woman who looks at me knowingly. I frown at her and try to make sense of it all.
Once we're out on the street, Matty starts walking without saying a word. I follow him, although I don't really know why. The vibe is off, to say the very least. We round a corner and I really don't feel comfortable anymore. I stop.
"Matty, what's going on?"
He turns around to face me, clears his throat and sighs. "There was a woman at the restaurant that took photos of us." I suspect it's the one that looked at me like she just hit a jackpot when we left. "She's probably gonna sell it to the tabloids and you're gonna be on the news tomorrow. At least it's going to be all over the internet."
I stay silent because I really don't know what to say now. Is this what it's like for him when he goes out in public?
"I'm sorry, Hannah, I can't do this to you"
"You're not doing anything"
"I am though. Like, when you're around me you're gonna end up in the crossfire of hateful comments because, you see, I'm a really bad person according to the internet. I fucked up, said the wrong thing, laughed at the wrong time and they hold everything against me, call me a Nazi or worse things. And everybody who's around me is guilty by association. I don't care anymore but I can't do this to you." he looks sad, almost like he's close to tears. I don't know what to say that might make things better. He must feel lonely. I want to tell him that I don't care, that I like him for who he is and that I will deal with it if that's what it takes but before I can open my mouth to say anything he just says "I'm sorry", turns around and walks away.
I just stand there and try to process what just happened. It doesn't take long for me to get angry at Matty. Fuck him for leaving me here, standing in the street like an idiot. He didn't even give me a chance to process this. What does he mean it's going to be all over the internet? A feeling of helplessness creeps up at me. I hate feeling this way. My heart hurts and I start feeling very sad. I can't process all of this right now and decide to just turn around and head home.
22 notes · View notes
poohwhin · 1 year
Text
woo life update #2 bc i have internet now & am not actually losing my mind.
HELLO ‼️ yeah like end of march/the entirety of april was quite literally the worst time of my life and i am very. tired. a hiatus was vv much needed. (plus i didnt have wifi anyways so its not like i could do much here even i wanted to.)
i’m still not back. bc things are still vv rocky. (& literally stressing myself to death for a month and a half has left me physically ill SKSKSKS). but here are some small things that’ve happened !
1): i don’t have a laptop anymore. so when i do eventually decide to come back art is gonna be in a very weird spot. (im using my mom’s ipad rn but i also dont have an apple pencil so drawing with a stylus is odd).
^ adding onto that point. i also scrapped everything i was working on beforehand. i had already backlogged myself, so having to start using a whole new device just gave me the push to scrap all the ideas i had, and refocus myself. (most of them were just gifts for friends & birthdays i missed. :( but its okay hopefully you guys will have more sksksk).
for the time being i think i’m just gonna be making things i feel like making. ever since i started on tumblr i’ve always treated it like a job bc ive always thought it was unfair to those who followed me, and it was seriously starting to diminish my love for certain things (especially as i got into more things like genshin n honkai; feeling like i had to make an absurd amount of content everyday so things seemed ‘fair’ really just tanked my mood). but after taking a month break i was like “yo these are my blogs i should just do what i want.” SO ‼️ virek is still around & i’m still working on him, but there isn’t any set schedule bc i like a lot of things rn, and am just only gonna work on him when i’m in the right mood 🫂 (i don’t wanna end up hating him)
2): i’ve gotten really into honkai star rail & am already close to doing everything there is to do. so now i have more old people in my arsenal to draw.
not much has happened besides me sleeping/gaming to distract from literally everything else going on in my life. so forgive me for my absence 🫶 but hopefully i’ll be doing a lot better when i come back <3 (again the hiatus was. much needed. bc anyone who speaks to me literally ever knows that i can never actually take a break. thankfully this time i was forced to <3. and still kinda am bc our wifi is kicking on and off still & is vv janky but ANYWAYS. ILY GUYS 🫶 GIVE ME LIKE ANOTHER HALF YEAR AND I’LL BE BACK AND NOT GOING INSANE /j)
11 notes · View notes
Note
Hello! I want to start making some whump lists of my own and I was wondering if you possibly have any tips? I’m having trouble with the wording and I feel like I might be over explaining but I’m not sure. If you could help that would be amazing.
Hello!!!
I do have some tips!
————
1. Wording
Since you asked specifically about wording I’ll start there. What I do is use words for tropes that the community most commonly uses. For example: drowning, kidnapping, hostage, shot, etc. I personally like to be specific with certain things. I’ll say what they were shot with or if they are restrained I like to specify handcuffs vs rope vs zip ties vs ✨chains✨. With some tropes that are not as commonly spoken about or may not have a name I will use wording I feel best describes it like “heavily lidded eyes”. Idk how else to word it but that’s how I do it.
2. MULTIPLE COPIES
Those who have been around my blog for a while know about me losing lists. I now have lists saved in 3 different places. (Soon to be 4) Even if you make your lists in Tumblr drafts, SAVE THEM ELSEWHERE! I keep them in my notes on my phone, Google Docs, Microsoft Word and soon an app on my iPad. I have lost MONTHS worth of lists before in The Incident. I won’t do it again and I hope you never do.
3. Stay Organized
I have my Whump List Library (masterlist) and my Whump List Directory (sub masterlist?) all (mostly) organized. It helps people find your lists easier and tbh it helps you find them easier! I am always so happy when I can easily update or fix a list because I stay organized. Also if you have multiple WIP lists, it’s best to keep those organized as well.
4. Figure out YOUR systems
If you want to add time stamps, colors in your formatting, stick to 1 or 2 countries, add different links, etc. do it. Do whatever you want to do. I have changed formatting twice and it’s such a hassle to fix especially once you get to a certain number of lists.
5. Recs and Requests
If you decide to accept recommendations and requests, PLEASE remember you can say no and you don’t have to do them. I say this because I struggle with it. But if you have no interest in making the list, don’t do it. However I will say taking recs and requests have been AMAZING! Some of my favorite dramas ever have been requests and recommendations.
6. Pace Yourself
It’s all fun until you realize you’re forcing yourself to work on a list after a long day of work. Make sure you keep it to where you enjoy it. I personally try to update people if I feel like list uploads are going to slow down, still, but don’t force yourself to make them just so you can get them out. (Another one I’m guilty of lol)
7. Misc.
Even if someone has already made the list, you can still make it in your own way. Having multiple lists never hurt anybody.
Team up with other bloggers! I have and it’s been amazing! (I tag GIF makers’ GIFs to tropes in my lists) (Some bloggers have adopted my incomplete/dropped lists)
SAVE MULTIPLE COPIES (I know I already said it but pls don’t lose your progress omg pls don’t)
Continue asking for help/advice if you feel you need it.
Make a to-do list, keep it organized and in multiple places.
SAVE MULTIPLE COPIES
Figure out which streaming services work best for you and get good at finding dramas/movies that aren’t on regular streaming services
SAVE MULTIPLE COPIES
——————-
I hope this helped!!! If you need any more help please feel free to DM me or send another ask!
8 notes · View notes
kalisama · 1 year
Text
I’m Back
 Hey all, 
Sorry I completely ghosted tumblr. I’m not dead, it’s just been a rough couple of years. Feel free to read on if you’re curious.
 I disappeared around the time our dog got cancer. He needed around the clock care for what we thought was going to be a period of recovery, but he continued to decline mentally until he just wasn’t with it anymore. My pets were my babies so that hit me pretty hard. Also found out I was pregnant a month before. There were some early complactions and I ended up on bed rest for a bit. Got carpel tunnel, ended up not being able to do much in the way of art for most of my pregnancy. And then we had a baby girl. And 2 months later the military moved us halfway across the country to a place with no housing available. 😅So we bought a house sight unseen. The day we moved in my dad called to tell me something was wrong with my mom. My mom was in and out of the emergency room multiple times in the following week before ending up in emergency surgery because she almost died, and my very beloved cat suddenly passed away that same week.  All of these things completely overshadowed the fact that I was struggling with PPD. I kept saying I’d be better when there wasn’t so much stress. But I wasn’t. My anxiety was out of control and I wasn’t getting any sleep. And let me tell you, severe anxiety and sleep deprivation is not how you want to enter a global pandemic...My husband got deployed somewhere in there, and things were crap for a long while. Then, when I finally started to feel better my dad unexpectedly passed away…
It’s been a year and a half now since he’s been gone. Most of that time feels like a void. A year and a half of trying to hold my family together while being the solo care giver for my toddler. My mom was not functional for months. I took my daughter and went to live with her in Wisconsin until we could get her back up on her feet. It wasn’t a planned trip. We literally left home the morning after my dad passed, and didn’t return until 5 months later. My family will never be the same, I think everyone of us has had some mental health struggles this past year, but things are slowly getting better. I can see them adapting, evolving around the black hole of grief. Moving forward. In February I decided it was time to start making space for myself again. I’m working my way back to finding those things that I loved before my life became a blur of depression and child raising. My dad loved to see me creating art, and in his last couple of months he would often mention that he was concerned that I had given up on the things that brought me joy. I’ve come to the realization that honoring him doesn’t just mean trying to take care of everyone else’s needs and leaving no time for my own. It’s been a slow process. I’m taking some online art courses and doing art in my free time. Last month my husband gifted me an iPad which has been a total game changer as far as being able to get some creative time in while taking care of our 3 year old.
I sincerely hope to have more art to share with you all in the coming months. I’ll try to remember to update here. I had completely forgotten tumblr existed. I’m generally more active on FB because that’s how I stay connected to family members.  My DA account is still open but not active. I don’t know if I want to return to posting there, but it will certainly remain the home for all my older work. 
3 notes · View notes
dizzyluc · 20 days
Text
Rivals of Aether (games) ramble
Since playing the Rivals 2 beta at the end of July... Note: I played the April beta and... due to how broken it felt in comparison, I skipped May and June, and came back in July when they started having beta exclusive stuff to carry over to the main game lol but works MUCH better too, minus music layering issues ... anyways, after the July beta, I started playing Rivals of Aether, or actually, I started playing Dungeons of Aether because I wanted to get to know the character I wanted to main (Fleet) and... really enjoyed it, although getting the achievements is another thing which...
Tumblr media Tumblr media
I'm one achievement away (which is separate from the main game), and even did something I think most people would not do (play hard mode AND not upgrade/use Amsidian at the same time...) I'd recommend not using Amsidian on Story difficulty, maybe on your first or second playthrough... cause MAN that was hard near end game... although I will say you ARE given quite the challenge if you like challenges by doing it lol (you ARE allowed to use Amsidian in a specific way that is spoilers... it also made something REALLY easy that I was overprepared lol) Meanwhile, after beating Dungeons a couple times (once on iPad and once on Steam... before coming back for the third completion to get the above achievements and more...) I decided to go for all the achievements in the game that started it all and... actually did it in under a month (the last hard achievements are DEFINITELY a grind... although...
Tumblr media
I got the easiest achievement last due to wanting to be funny lol (the achievements before it are the hardest, get 100k gold total (which I cheated a little by using 4 controllers for lol) getting 14 characters to level 10 in abyss mode... which is a LONG grind... and then getting gold medals on all story mode characters which... I got the achievement, but checking it, it actually is glitched...
Tumblr media
... but I ain't doin that again to find out which one I didn't get for the bar, the CPU freaking cheats D:< (having only 30 seconds to beat each round, a minute for the final round) Overall, getting almost all the achievements in 2 of the Aether Studio games in a month, I am NOT playing Lovers of Aether cause funny enough, school setting stuff isn't my thing and done a lot these days... gotta REALLY reel me in for it, like Doki Doki is something I'm kinda "eh" about for example now. And then Creatures of Aether...
Tumblr media
It's ded. I feel like some of the achievements are impossible to get due to there being no online presence. "Reach Bronze V" "Reach Master Rank" (pretty sure these are definitely online achievements) So not doing that definitely, sadly :| I might go back to Rivals 2 as long as my Steam Deck doesn't "blow up" due to keeping it in Sleep Mode, with the beta being kept running in the background till the September beta at the end of the month (just to practice Fleet and Maypul being my secondary lol) Can't wait until the next beta though! (end of long post)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
0 notes
sheseekpeace · 5 months
Text
My Belladonnas ❤️❤️❤️
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
College wouldn't be as colorful as it was without them.
And 10 years later, here we are still friends despite having our own lives. In 10 years, meeting them or even talking to them is so rare, we can even count in our fingers how many times we talked. Life updates was based from social media posts. However, we never left each other's hearts. 10 years after graduation, here we are in the City of Pines, the place where we met and spent the peak of our adolescence, a place we'll always call our home no matter where we are.
Actually, I went to Baguio out of impulsivity after recieving a message from Selle. While prepping for my trip, Isa called me, informing about Selle's message going to Baguio alone. So we agreed to update each other for the plan since the tip was not planned. I've been spending time with Isa(she's Baguio based) a few times for the last months as I process my Graduate school requirements, it's been my routine to go to Baguio with double purpose(Grad school, and life). We rented a condo for us to stay for 2 days. As I arrived at the condo, Selle is already there so while waiting for Isa, we talked and reminisce. On our first night, we had a dinner at an American resto, had a late night coffee/refreshments, walked passed Burnham park(oh, how I missed late night walks at Baguio) .Talked all night while listening to random music. Gone are the shallow topic. I love how mature and open minded we've become.
The next day, while they are sleeping, I am working, yep I brought my work with me. Bought our all time favorite macsbox(our go to lunch during college) for lunch. Sound trip. Stayed in the condo for the whole day just sleeping, talking, eating, sleeping again and soundtripping until we decided to go to SM. Funny how we all want to go Toy kingdom, not for ouselves but for our nephews/son. Mga titang ina at ulirang ina. Then went to a self studio for some snaps and had a hearty dinner at Hill station Bistro. Another round of catching up we even forgot to claim our pictures from the self- studio. Isa had to go home since she has a work, she took a day off to spend time with us, another day off is too much, she had a lot of things to do. While, Selle and I went back at the condo where sleep won't even visit us so we just had another round of catching ups and talking about the novels we incendentally both are reading. The next day, I plan to meet my students via online platform but unfortinately there's blackouts around Baguio, my laptop and even my ipad are empty batteries. My phone is about to turn off, good thing I managed to message Isa and ask her if we can go to the hotel where she works as an HR suervisor, since there is electricity in their area. After we checked out, Selle and I went to SM to leave our things at the tourist lounge and claim our picture from the Dear Self studio. Isa treats us for brunch at their hotel's cafe while charging our gadgets before we travel back home. We are so proud of our Bestfriend, Isa seeing her in her uniform kahit dinodog show namin siya, well that's what best friends do, good thing malabong dalawin nila ako sa workplace ko and di nila ako madodog show dun. After the brunch we bid good bye to Isa and went back to SM to get our things. Selle and I rode the same cab since their terminal is on the way to our terminal. We bid good byes at the taxi then went home.
That was one of the best holidays I spent. For I spent it with people, I know I can always run to. My BEST FRIENDS.
0 notes
cutecumber-water · 2 years
Text
🌺100 days of productivity!🌺
🌱Day 1/100🌱
Hello! I've decided that after my February break was over that I wanted to be more productive with my time and do a lot more self-care, I almost burnt out last semester and do not want that to happen again. I struggle with building and maintaining routine a lot but I hope that with extra support from my friends and making sure I post daily that I can make the most out of this! :) I know it's currently a Thursday but better late than never.
Here are some things that I would like to accomplish within this:
Work out with my boyfriend on Wednesdays and Saturdays and by myself on Tuesdays and Fridays
Study for a least 2 hours Tuesday-Sunday (I have a super late class on Mondays until the winter semester is over, so I'm giving myself the out haha)
Make at least one new meal a week with one food that I'm afraid of/never really tried.
Journal Daily!
Go out with friends at least once/twice a month (my boyfriend does not count!! Although I do wanna make time for him too, it's a bit easier since we live together)
Read 10 pages of a book before bed :)
I really hope this works for me, and keeping this diary of sorts can keep me committed and on track.
So far so good tho ;)
{Photo description: a photo of a dark room with a MacBook air turned on with a video titled: Art History 121: unit 7 European art and architecture from 1900 to 1919 with an iPad on the right with slides from said video. /end of description}
Tumblr media
----------------------------------------------------------
To do list:
○ tutor
○ nutrition
○ art history
○ English
○ Education psychology
1 note · View note
justsomegalwhoshere · 3 years
Text
#1 Hair Stylist
Note: this was supposed to be short but turned out a lot longer than I expected. I blame @hanji-is-life is life for making me wanna write domestic shit, quit it 😤 plz never stop
Warnings: a bit of cursing because Bakugou is bakugou, not prof read, just domestic fluff
Being a pro-hero and being married to Dynamight himself wasn’t easy, but you managed. Having a family with said pro-hero is also tough, but you still manage (somehow). You and bakugou had a small family that consisted of two little girls, a 9 year old and a 6 year old. You loved your little family and always spent as much time as you could with them.
Today was not one of those days where you had time.
You had woken up late after snoozing your alarm 5 times (thank god Katsuki yelled at you to get up after the last time) and you were now running all over the place to get ready before you were late for your shift. As you started making lunch for your daughters before they head to school, you felt some tugging on your pants. You looked down and smiled seeing your 9 year old, Katsumi, looking up at you, holding a hairbrush.
“Morning sweetie. Did you sleep well?” You ask as you quickly stuff two sandwiches into two lunchboxes.
She nods and extends the hair brush as you run out the kitchen to retrieve your bag. “Mhm. Can you make my hair mom?” She asks as you return shoving your stuff in your bag.
You sigh and kneel down to face her. “I’m sorry honey, I’m in a rush so I have to leave soon, otherwise I would.”
Your daughter pouts and extends the hair brush harder. “But I want you to make my hair pretty for me” she whines.
You kiss her forehead and get up while slipping your shoes on. “I’m sorry kiddo, I can’t right now. Try asking your dad. Bye! Have a good day at school!” You shouted as you closed the door behind you.
Katsumi stared at the door as she kept pouting. You always did her hair in the morning. It wasn’t fair that you had to leave without making her hair. This was nonsense.
“You just gonna stand there all day squirt?” That made Katsumi turn around and face her father. Katsuki bakugou, the number 2 hero, 6’1, big and scary. At least, that’s how he looks to the rest of the world. When he’s with his family, he’s extremely soft. Bakugou only wanted the best for his girls, no matter what it was.
Katsumi decided to use that to her advantage.
She held up the hair brush once again. “Can you make my hair dad?”
Bakugou frowned. He saw you do the girls’ hair all the time, but he’s never done it once. He shrugged accepting the brush and following his daughter as she skipped to her room. How hard could it be?
...
“Ow! That hurts dad!”
“I’m trying ok!?” He yelled a bit harshly. Apparently brushing a 9 year olds hair was A LOT harder than it looks. He didn’t even know it was possible to get it this tangled.
“What did you do this morning that caused it to get this knotted!?”
“Nothing!” Katsumi shouted back. “All I did was sleep and get up!”
Note to self: get something that’ll make Katsumi stop tossing and turning In her sleep.
“Ok it’s all smooth now, I gotta eat” Bakugou said getting up, but was stopped by a small hand grabbing his own.
“You still haven’t styled it!” Katsumi replied with her 100th pout of the day.
Bakugou sighed and sat back down. “Ok, how do I do this?” He asked, grabbing what he assumed was a hair elastic.
“So you grab all the hair and tie it. And then you have a ponytail” she instructed.
...that had to be the worlds shittiest instruction, but Bakugou made do. After some yelling back and forth and some trial and error, Katsumi had a half decent ponytail in her hair.
“Thanks dad!” She chirped, jumping up and kissing his cheek.
“Yeah yeah, go eat breakfast, I gotta drop you and your sister off to school” Bakugou nearly growled.
“Daddy?” Bakugou saw the small head peak from the doorway. It was his 6 year old, Sakura.
“Can you make my hair too please daddy?”
Bakugou sighed. This was gonna be a rough morning.
...
Later that day, you two were making dinner while Bakugou complained about making your daughters’ hair.
“Who knew a 9 year old was so picky!? I didn’t know there’s were 10 ways to make a ponytail!” He fumed, angrily chopping vegetables. You simply chuckled in response.
“I think it’s cute how the big, strong, scary dynamight softened enough to make two girls’ hair this morning” you replied. “It looked nice by the way. You wouldn’t mind doing it tomorrow would you? I have work early tomorrow”.
Bakugou minded very much, but he didn’t say anything, except with a grunt acknowledging he heard you.
...
A couple weeks later and bakugou was getting really good with the whole hair style thing. Katsumi and Sakura even started coming to him now asking for him to do their hair.
Today threw him for a loop though.
“Same thing as always, squirt?” He asked Katsumi as she sat down.
“Nope!” She responded, pulling up a picture on her iPad (which was used only for homework, Bakugou was not letting her get addicted to that thing). “Can you do a braid for me?”
“Hah!? The hell is that?”
“I have a picture here-“
Bakugou snatched the iPad out of his daughter’s hands and looked at the photo. Oh, it the weird twisty thing his wife does with her hair for hero galas.
“I guess I can try. Hold still, this’ll probably hurt” Bakugou grimaced as he watched the tutorial on how to properly do a simple braid.
...
A couple months go by and your girls stop asking you to do their hair in the morning, instead going straight to there dad. Well, Sakura sometimes asked you since she felt bad (? Did she pity you?), but she mainly asked her dad.
At first you felt something was wrong. Maybe their dad bribed them somehow into getting a horrible hair style done? Maybe he was jealous and had something to prove? You didn’t know. You decided to check it out, walking to Katsumi’s room, where all the styling was done.
Said child walked out with a perfect mermaid tail braid.
“Hi mom!” She chirped.
You stood there dumbfounded as she went to go eat breakfast. Even you couldn’t style her hair in a mermaid tail! You calmly opened (practically broke) the door and see Katsuki with Bobby pins between his teeth, sectioning Sakura’s hair with a comb.
“Hey” he grunts out with Bobby pins in his teeth as he twists his daughter’s hair. “Need something?”
“I- no” you responded. “I genuinely thought you bribed the girls into not asking me to do their hair in the morning.”
Bakugou chuckled as he removed a few Bobby pins from between his teeth. “I didn’t do shit. They just like me better” he smirked.
You were about to retort with how much better your styles were when you realized how he styled Sakura’s hair. It was like a rose was settled on top of her hair.
“H-how did you do that?” You breathed out as Sakura walked past you nonchalantly and bakugou bursted out laughing while getting up.
“You should see the look on your face! It’s priceless. I gotta get ready for work now. Can you drop them off? Thanks” he gives you a quick kiss as he walks out of the room.
You sign and shake your head. Even though your husband looked like a big, scary man, you knew better. He really was something else.
511 notes · View notes
dari-ede · 2 years
Text
In the Middle of the Night: Chapter 7
Chapter 7: “Midnight into Morning Coffee”
Tumblr media
Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30
MASTERLIST
*****************
Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut
Pairing: Idol!Namjoon x Female Reader
Rating: M (future sexual/explicit scenes)
Status: COMPLETE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Night One-
The workshop that evening had gone well. No song had been created by the end of it, but it had worked as a good practice round for future ones. Despite the long drive and little sleep, everyone was invested and in full work mode. After a few hours of satisfied work, we ended the shop and decided on dinner.
Yoongi took lead in the kitchen once again and managed to cook something fast for us.
As we shared our meal and the guys talked amongst each other, I played a melody in my head. The melody had been on repeat since waking from my nap. Believing it was the key I needed to fix a gap in the song I was presenting tomorrow in the workshop, I felt the urge to head to the backhouse and work on it. However, I knew it would be rude if I didn't wait until after dinner. I finished as quickly, stating I wanted to work on the upcoming workshop. Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok all said they were going to do the same.
Yoongi was using their old trailer as his personal studio. He invited Hobi and Namjoon to join, but only Hobi took him up on his offer.
“I’m going to work out for a bit first,” Namjoon explained.
“I'll join you,” Jungkook said.
“Me too,” Jimin piggybacked.
“You guys just ate,” I pointed out with slight worry.
“It'll be light work. And we'll wait half an hour before we do,” Namjoon promised. He got and headed to the exit so he could head to the back house to put on his workout gear. I was right behind him.
Once we got to the house, I set up my station as Namjoon got ready.
“I'm feeling a bit tired. Hopefully, this workout wakes me up for a few hours so I can work,” Namjoon said as I finished setting up my workstation on our shared kitchen table. “Care to join me?” he asked with a teasing smile.
“I’ll pass,” I said, rolling out my keyboard and connecting it to my computer.
He left with a smile and I stared after him through the window. I did my best to not allow my eyes to linger on his ass for too long.
I shook my head and went to work on the song for tomorrow, trying to fix in the melody that had popped in my head earlier.
Thankfully, it didn't take long for my focus to be solely on this project. For almost two hours I worked on it on my keyboard, trying different chords to see what flowed well. I had been so engaged in the task that I didn’t realize Namjoon had arrived and set up shop on the kitchen island. He had even taken a shower; I could tell from the water dripping off his dark grey hair.
Seeing him sitting there on the island startled me a bit. “When did you get here?” I asked, trying to settle my heart rate.
“A bit ago. You were so focused, I didn’t want to interrupt.” He had his laptop, headphones, multiple notebooks, and an iPad in front of him.
As I looked at him, I noticed his attire. He had on joggers and a black, muscle t-shirt. That was it. There had been a few times I’d seen Namjoon’s bare arms, but it was rare, and the last time had been months ago. The guy just kept growing. I could see the outlines of his pecs from the t-shirt he was wearing, could see the sharpness of his collar bones, and the mountains that were now his biceps.
I took a sip of water, feeling my throat a little dry. “What are you working on?” I asked, looking down at my notes and away from him.
He explained some of the ideas he wanted to discuss in the workshop. He had printed out a few pages with literacy passages he felt might go well with the feel of the music. He had come up with some melodies and lyrics but was unsure what he wanted his main focus to be on.
I let him do most of the talking, knowing full well he sometimes needed to talk out an idea until he figured it all out himself. I knew this because we had written several songs together. Sure enough, after only two questions prompted by me, he had a full strategy for his song.
Looking satisfied, he wrote in his notebook and closed his laptop. He came over to the table and took a seat. It didn't pass me in noticing he chose not to seat in the closest chair to him—which would have been direct across from me—but had gone around the table to take the chair next to me.  “What are you working on?”
I took another sip of water as he leaned over and picked up one of the worksheets I had printed earlier.
I disconnected my headphones from the keyboard so I could use the speakers. “I've had this melody in my head most of the day. At first, I thought it would go well with the song I wrote for tomorrow's workshop, but now I have a feeling it's an entirely different song. I know I should focus on what I wrote for tomorrow, but I kind of want to chase this new song.”
“Play it, girl,” Namjoon encouraged as he placed his elbows on the counter, readying himself.
I looked away from his bulging upper arms and played the music. It started with the D6 chord, followed by Em7 and then G. Bm and Em7 and D. I repeated the set a few times before stopping. “That’s all I got.” I ran my hand through my hair and scratched my head, a thought creeping its way to my full consciousness.
“What seems off about it?” His voice was quiet, but I could clearly hear him.
I turned to him, not understanding. “What do you mean?”
He held my gaze. And like so many times before, I felt he was looking into my soul. “You tell me. Something about what you played isn’t sitting with you.”
“What makes you say that?” I hunched my shoulders, trying to hide as much of myself from him as I could.
“You scratch your head when something is bothering you—but it’s only when it comes to music. When it’s something that’s not music, you put your hair up in a bun. And if it’s already up, you take it down only to put it up all over again.”
I honestly didn't know how his words made me feel so naked. He saw so much of me when I thought I was doing a kick-ass job in hiding. He never used this gift of his against me; always said it so nonchalantly as if he was telling me I had something on my face—like it was no big deal he knew my private habits. At times it felt like he knew me better than anyone else in my life. And being the private person I was, it made me nervous that someone knew me in such detail. However, I was quickly reminded that this was one of Namjoon's many gifts. He had a tendency to read his members just as easily. There really wasn't anything special in the way he read me.
After reminding myself I wasn't special to Namjoon, I decided there was no point in telling him he was wrong about his observations. I let out my thoughts regarding the song. “It seems personal. It's not for someone else. I don’t think I want to give up this song.”
Namjoon’s face turned bright. “A song for yourself?”
I gave a slight nod.
He placed his big, warm hand around my shoulders and gave me a tight hug of excitement. “That’s awesome!”
He knew it had been a long time since I had created a song for myself. If I was being honest, I was feeling a little excited myself, but I didn’t want to get too ahead of myself. This song could lead to a dead end and stay in my folder as an unfinished project—like so many other countless songs.
“Do you have everything ready for tomorrow’s workshop?” he asked, his arm still around me.
I looked over the checklist I had made for myself. “As much as I can.”
“Then just work on this song.” He rubbed my arm softly and gave me another squeeze before pulling away.
A chill made its way through me, making me shiver.
He must have caught it. “You cold? Want some coffee?”
There was a sweater next to me that could help, but I could never turn down coffee.
“I’ll go make us some.” He got up from his seat and made his way to the door, exiting the house.
As soon as he left, goosebumps made their way across my arms. This time, it was for a different reason; I had the sudden thought the house was too dark and lonely. And quiet. I looked around the dimness of the kitchen and living room and felt uneasy. No more than two seconds later, I was dashing out of there and hurrying after Namjoon.
He stopped for me, having heard me bail out, and snickered. “You live by yourself, how are you afraid of being alone for a few minutes?”
Once I was at his side, he resumed walking. “That’s a house I’m familiar with,” I explained. “I don’t know the ghosts that live in that place.”
I could feel Namjoon rolling his eyes in the dark.
As we entered the main house, we were having a small banter about the belief in the afterlife. I wasn’t religious, hadn’t been since my 20s, but I liked to argue with Namjoon.
And he knew I liked to rile him up, but he always took the bait.
Tae, Jimin, Hobi, and Jin were in the living room, half hanging out, half working.
Namjoon turned to them. “Does anyone want to trade me rooms? She’s bound to drive me nuts by the end of this week.”
“Punishment is punishment,” Hobi pointed out.
“Weren't you working with Yoongi?” I asked, arriving at the kitchen.
He was about to answer me, but Jimin beat him to it. “Yoongi-hyung was being too quiet.”
Hobi laughed but didn't defend himself. “How are you driving Namjoonie nuts this time?”
“He doesn't believe in ghosts,” I said simply. “He's judging me because I do.”
Namjoon pretended to ignore me from the espresso maker.
“We all have our difference of opinions when it comes to religion,” Tae tried to rationalize, trying to be the peacemaker but also doing it sarcastically. He knew I was exaggerating.
“She doesn’t even believe the stuff she is arguing for,” Namjoon said with slight irritation.
I took some mugs and set them around the coffee maker. “No, but it’s annoying you.”
Namjoon just glared at me, unamused.
“Maya is the only one who can bug Namjoon this much,” Jin said, then went back to his notebook. “It’s fun to watch.”
For the next hour, most of us had coffee and hung out in the living room.
Yoongi and Jungkook joined when I sent them a message that coffee was ready. Yoongi had given up caffeine but took the decaffeinated one I made.
I was currently sitting on the couch with Tae and Jimin. Namjoon was sitting in front of me on the floor. The conversation was on tomorrow's workshop. It was getting past midnight, and no one seemed to be the slightest bit tired.
Jin had just finished making one of his cow puns—why was it always cows?
Only Yoongi and I were the ones left with straight faces.
Jin caught on and began scolding the two of us for not having a sense of humor.
“It wasn’t funny,” Yoongi stated, looking at Jin as if he was crazy to think it had been a good joke. “Do you want me to lie to you?”
“Yes, it would boost my self-esteem,” Jin said with a straight face.
“Oh, yes because you’re lacking in that department,” I said sarcastically.
He dismissed my comment. “Ok, I got another good one.”
I dramatically rolled my eyes at him. “You are so bad at these—god help your future children.”
He gave me the question and didn’t even wait for me to give an answer before he started to laugh at his upcoming joke.
“You haven’t even said the pun yet. How are you already laughing?” I teased.
Jin gathered up some composure and pretended to be outraged. “Ah! Maya, why are you always so mean to me?”
“Why are you calling me out? Yoongi isn’t laughing either.”
We went on bickering back and forth for another good minute before Jin turned on Yoongi. Then, it was the pair of them going at it as the rest of us laughed.
I noticed Namjoon rolling his right shoulder and then moving his neck back and forth. Since I’d known him, he had an issue with his right shoulder—something to do with an accident from back when he was a kid.
Instinctively, I reached over and put my palms on his shoulders.
He stayed still and let out a small sigh once the bottom of my palms began to rub his shoulder blades. His neck hung, allowing himself a good massage. I pushed my body forward and pulled his upper body closer to mine. He got the hint and backed up closer to me.
I straightened my arm as my fingers did circular motions on his right shoulder. I found a couple of knots and focused on them. His muscle shirt was making it easier for my fingers to move freely up and down his upper back. Once the knots had gone, I focused on his neck, where I could feel tension.
I placed my legs a little more comfortably on either side of his body. I then wrapped my arm fully around his upper chest for leverage. He let me push down his neck as I worked on the back of it. He let out a few moans and voiced compliments toward me.
“How’s your head feel?” My mouth was level with his ear, so I didn’t really speak up much.
He replied with a deeper moan.
I sat a little straighter and pulled his neck straight up, my fingers then slid through his short, dark, grey hair in circular motions. His heavy head then fell backward, my chest catching it. I kept him there as my hands went to massage his shoulders again.
He was doing a lot again. His visit to the UN, the upcoming concerts, and the workshops were working him to the bone. And I’m pretty sure this “rough patch” Yoongi had mentioned was adding to the stress. He loved his job but his body needed a breather.
His face looked so serene as if he was dreaming. “I could stay here forever,” he mumbled.
I scoffed. “I’d have to charge you.” He was so close; that I didn’t have to speak up.
This only made him snuggle closer. “I’ll give you all my money right now.”
No more than two seconds later, those chocolate-brown irises of his sluggishly opened and looked so intensely into mine.
“Your laugh is cute,” he whispered.
Had I been laughing? I felt my cheeks get a little warm. “I snort when I laugh.”
“That’s what makes it cute.”
I was so close to Namjoon’s face that I could see the lines on his forehead clearly. I was reminded of the years that had passed since we first met. Back then, Namjoon had some baby fat on his cheeks, but the plump features had left him, being replaced by fine lines. I knew he wasn’t the ideal handsome type by Korean or world standards, but to me—at this very moment—I don’t think I had ever seen a man look more handsome.
“There is an empty house behind us for you guys to have some lovey-dovey time.” The voice made us both pull away from each other.
I looked up to find the guys looking at us with teasing smiles. I wasn’t sure who had interrupted us, but it didn’t matter. They all looked to share the same sentiment.
I pulled myself up on my seat, feeling some embarrassment for the way things might have looked between me and Namjoon. But Namjoon stayed where he was at. He slouched a little and lifted his arm to place it above my thigh. Both my legs were still on either side of him.
I didn’t understand why I stiffened as he got into a more comfortable position. We had sat together like this before. Why was it feeling so awkward with him all of a sudden?
I tried not to allow my thoughts to drag me away from the guys. I didn’t want to make it awkward for anyone—including myself—so I pretended to listen in on their conversation.
I heard bits and pieces of it. They discussed their upcoming concert, the next album, and what we were going to eat tomorrow. But my mind was too focused on Namjoon. My feelings for him were intensifying. I wasn’t able to ignore my attraction to him like I used to.
The guys caught on to my silence.
“Mai-Mai, what is it?” asked Hobi.
I looked up and found five pairs of brown eyes on me. When had Yoongi and Jungkook left?
I made some excuse that I was thinking about needing to get work done. I checked the time and saw it was past midnight. I said my goodnight to the guys and headed to the backhouse.
Once I was sitting down at the dining table, I decided to focus on the sample music I was going to be using at the morning’s workshop. Music always settled me.
I played the workshop music on my keyboard with the speakers at full volume. As I played the guys' song, the new chords I had crafted earlier kept coming up. My fingers felt an urge to play them.
After working for a good twenty minutes, the backdoor opened and Namjoon stepped into the house. “Why not work on your song?” he asked as I continued playing.
I waved it off. “It’s ok. I really should focus on this.”
He made his way to his station on the island. “You got the itch, Maya. Chase it.”
I knew what he meant. There were always those songs that caught your full attention and wouldn’t leave your mind alone until they were complete. This song felt like one of those.
Namjoon put on his headphones, put on his glasses, gave me a smile and wink of encouragement, and started to work on his own.
I took his advice. I put on my headphones to not disturb his own work.
Surprisingly, the chords came rather easily, but I was getting annoyed by hearing the music only in my ears. The music called for this to be louder. I got Namjoon’s attention. “Is it alright if I leave the headphones off? I kind of want to hear it fill the room.”
Namjoon nodded. “Yeah, I have my headphones on anyways. Go ahead.”
“Thanks.” I took off my headphones and put the speaker on full blast. I wished there had been a piano on the property. An actual piano. The keyboard just didn’t hold the same feel under my fingers.
I played what I had created and allowed my fingers and intuition to take over. For the next half hour, I found the notes that flowed well together. I played it over and over, a feeling of familiarity coating me. Had I written this song before?
After a few seconds of no longer playing, I heard a deep voice. “That was beautiful.”
I honestly had forgotten Namjoon was present. I was so lost in the song that I thought I had been in my apartment rather than this old house.
Namjoon’s headphones were hanging around his neck and staring at the keyboard in front of me, a puzzling look on his face. “Almost sounds like something you would hear at a wedding.”
That’s when I knew why the song sounded familiar. I had created a melody similar to this song years ago.
I didn’t say anything, but Namjoon caught onto my enthusiasm by my facial expression. “What?”
I immediately went into my files to find the song. Thankfully, I recorded everything and kept it all organized. It didn’t take me long to find the file.
Namjoon was waiting for me patiently. “Found something to go with the music?”
I nodded as I opened the file and hit play. My voice came out of the speaker that had a melody with a faster pace than the piano piece I had written.
“Don’t want to feel weak in love, give up control. I’m never gonna let down my guard, be vulnerable. Don’t want to feel helpless or be too comfortable. I’ll make it on my own.”
My voice sounded too rough for the softness of the piano and, again, the melody was too fast for it, but it was all in the same key as the music I had created. Plus, the emotions and words felt right for the music.
I uploaded the lyrics to the song and thought of how I could change them to fit together.
Namjoon had the same idea as I did. “Slowing down the tempo could work. What are the lyrics again?” He asked as he pushed his glasses up his nose. He looked super adorable. Almost like a nerd.
I repeated the lyrics back to him. He thought for a moment as I hummed the lyrics again. I played the piano music and worked on the lyrics I had for the other song. It didn’t take long to find the right formula to mesh both creations. I did a quick, rough recording of it and played it back.
“That works,” Namjoon nodded in approval. “How did what I say about this being a wedding song make you think of those lyrics?” he asked curiously.
“I wrote those lyrics after Jerry and I broke up,” I said easily.
Jerry and I had been together for two years. He had been my last serious relationship—the only happy and positive one I had. But, in the end, we wanted two different things. Everyone I knew didn’t understand why it hadn’t worked between us. And as much as they asked, I was too private to share why we broke up.
“Oh,” Namjoon said simply. He had asked about my breakup with Jerry right after it happened. I hadn’t given a sincere answer and Namjoon was too respectful to pry, so he had never asked again.
This time, though, I felt compelled to finally give Namjoon the full story. “He proposed to me.”
Namjoon’s eyes went wide with shock. “For real? When?”
“It was right after Ana’s wedding. We got back to the hotel that night and he proposed. Big, diamond ring and everything.”
“You hate diamonds,” he said quickly, with a confused look on his face.
It felt nice to know at least my best friend remembered. “I think he forgot.”
Namjoon shook his head to the side, in a 'that sucks' kind of way. “How bad was it?”
I tried to think back to the exact words I had used that night. “Well, seeing that the first words that came out of my mouth right after he popped the question were: ‘This wedding is not making you think straight', I will say it was kind ofbad.”
“Maya….” His tone had a hint of reprimand and disappointment in it.
I groaned at recalling my bad behavior. “I know, it was not the best thing to have said. That, of course, led to a big argument. Found out we wanted two very different things. We had never really discussed the future, which is why the proposal was so out of the blue. We broke up that night.”
After a moment of silence, Namjoon asked softly, “Do you mind if I ask a personal question?”
“Sure,” I said without hesitancy.
He looked to think about the right words to use before he spoke up. “I thought after that breakup—because you appeared to be content and happy with him—that it was going to inspire all these songs. But the whole reason you came to Korea was that you said you had no inspiration for your music. You honestly didn’t get any songs out of that breakup or relationship?”
I nodded. “These lyrics are the only ones I wrote about our breakup. I don’t even think I wrote a full song during our relationship that was about him. Yeah, he inspired a few lyrics and maybe some melodies. But never a full song.”
“Why did you say no? Didn't you love him?” He was very direct.
I thought about it for a moment, even though I knew the answer. “Yes. But not enough to marry. He was kind, a hard worker, got along with my family, smart, successful…and the sex was really good,” I said with a laugh. I felt the need to lighten this heavy conversation.
It worked because I heard a deep chuckle from Namjoon.
“How about you, Namjoonie? Did you love your ex enough to want to get married?” It’s not that I didn’t want to talk about Jerry anymore, it’s that this was a genuine question I had wanted to know about my best friend. And for whatever reason, I had never asked until now.
He nodded. “I did love her. A lot” He didn’t look up at me but kept his eyes on the ground. Almost looking shy.
This made me feel happy. Love was such a beautiful feeling. I wanted everyone I cared for to experience it.
“What happened?” I asked. We had never really talked about his breakup.
He took a breath, still avoiding eye contact. “It was far too complicated. When it was great, it was great. But then when we were at our lowest, it seemed like the world was going to end—too dramatic. We had that attitude that 'love will save it all' kind of way. I was too naive to see that it takes more than love to make things work.” There was a slight sadness in his eyes, but there was a heavy amount of serenity—he held no regrets. “In the end, we started becoming different people. Our goals were no longer the same. It ended when it needed to end.”
“How long were you guys together for?” I asked, not remembering.
“Four years.” It was half the time he had been in Bangtan.
Another question popped in my head, but my stomach kept me from speaking it out loud.
“What?” Namjoon asked, clearly reading me like he always seemed to.
I couldn't not ask now. “Do you miss her?”
Namjoon took a breath and appeared to think about his answer.
I don't know why my stomach felt as bad as it did, seeing his reaction. I tossed it to the stupid, idiotic crush I was trying to move past.
“Not her, necessarily. I miss being able to feel good about myself.” He shook his head and made a look of slight disgust. “It's going to sound bad, but I don't see any other way of wording it. But, being with her made me feel like I was good enough. Before her, I always had this sense of almost worthlessness. Being in Bangtan has given me confidence in music, but she gave me confidence in something else.” His eyes looked sad and my heart squeezed for him. “Like I said, when it was good, it was great. During our great moments, I felt on top of the world. And that's what I miss. I miss the love. And I don't think I'm going to have it again.”
This threw me off. “What would make you say that?”
Behind the frames, Namjoon's warm, sad eyes looked straight into mine. “I'm too well known. I'd have to find a girl that knows nothing about me to think she's actually interested in me. Most would probably be with me for the status.”
Namjoon's insecurities and self-loathing would swim onto the surface every once in a while. He usually was good at keeping it down himself, but there were times one of his loved ones had to try to drown it themselves. It was my turn this time. “Believe me, most girls interested in you would be genuine. I say 'most', because there's always crazy bitches out there.”
“Again, that's because of who I am. If I wasn't part of Bangtan, no girl would give me the time of day. I'd be too ugly for them. They would think I was too long and slim to be considered good-looking.”
“Is that why you got all bulked up?” I asked, curiously.
“I think that was the inspiration behind it,” he answered honestly. “But the more I worked out, the more I found I enjoyed it. Feels good. Plus, I can now eat more since it helps me build muscle.”
“I can never understand you guys,” I said. “All of you except for Taehyung and Hobi. I know you love your food but my dislike towards working out is greater than my love for food. I think that’s why I prefer to eat healthy and box or bike rather than exercise.”
Namjoon shook his head, disagreeing with how I viewed food and exercise. “My love for food led me to enjoy exercising.”
We were quiet for a moment, allowing our newly discovered facts about each other to sink in. I liked how almost every day I learned something new about him.
“You were handsome before you bulked up, Moni.” It wasn’t often that I used this nickname with him. His old nickname I only used when I was feeling extra sentimental with him. And then, I have no idea what possessed me to say it, but I admitted something that I never thought I would. “I actually had a crush on you back then. I thought you were really good-looking.”
He looked shocked and confused.
It was because of his reaction that I didn't regret being honest with him. He needed to know. Needed to realize that he wasn't the ugly duckling he thought he was. “You’re pretty hot now, but you didn’t have to bulk up. I always thought you were handsome.”
Still looking shocked, he began to speak, “You thought of me as a kid back then. You treated me like one.”
He was right. Upon first meeting them, I treated them like boys. It was the reason why it took many of us a long time to form a genuine friendship. The guys took issue with the way I addressed them—as if they were all teenagers. The maknae line enjoyed it mostly, but Namjoon, Yoongi, Hobi, and Jin made remarks on my treatment of them. In the beginning, it was what kept us from having a full, honest friendship. Due to our different cultures, we both acted in ways that prevented us from being close.
Over the years, I changed my demeanor with them. I still babied Jungkook, Tae, and Jimin occasionally, but I learned to speak to the others on a more equal level. As the eldest, I was the one who insisted on the use of banmal when we were alone. The maknae line didn’t take long to convince, and my friendship with Hobi had naturally gotten to that point after a couple of years. Yoongi didn’t take long to convince. But it had been Namjoon who kept up the boundaries for a lot longer. Out of all the members, it was Namjoon who was the most straight-edge and conservative when it came to manners—at least with me.
“May I remind you that you’re the one who refused to drop honorifics when speaking to me? It took you years to finally drop the noona with me,” I accused.
“Jungkook, Jimin, and Tae still call you noona,” he threw back.
“That’s different.”
“How so?”
“They’re like my baby brothers.”
“So the rest of us aren’t your brothers?” he asked with a teasing tone.
“Jin and I are the same age, so he's always been like a normal brother to me—except when he acts like a child, then he's more of a younger, annoying little brother. Yoongi and Hobi are like my older brothers,” I said the phrase in English. “It never felt right when they called me noona.”
“What about me?” he asked. “Did you ever think of me as your brother?”
I could feel my face scrunching up in disgust at the thought. “Not at all.”
There was a slightly hurt look on his face. “You didn’t think of me as part of your family?”
“I always thought of you different than the others,” I said simply.
Before he could actually get upset from my words—and not just pretending he was—I began explaining myself, “What I talk to you about, I would never be able to tell the other guys. Not even my actual brothers. There are things that I don’t even share with them.”
This didn’t seem to make things better. “So, I’m one of your girlfriends?”
The thought of it made me giggle. “Definitely not a girlfriend. Believe me, I’m well aware you’re male.” My eyes automatically went to his muscular arms.
“Then what am I?” he repeated.
I smiled widely at him and made my way over to him. “My best friend. I can tell you everything. I can hang out with you all the time and not get bored. You’re the person I know won’t think of me as uncool when I analyze a book or a movie or a character. You don’t poke fun at my journaling. You challenge me and take me out of my comfort zone. You’re the reason why I like going to museums now and exhibits. I touch amphibians now because of you. I get excited about bike rides. How sad is that?”
He gave me a shy smile.
I walked over to him, glad that he wasn’t bothered with me anymore, even if it had only been for a moment. “You still mad?”
He looked taken aback. “I didn’t get mad.”
“Good. I don’t like the idea of you being mad at me,” I said, feeling the corners of my mouth rising. I leaned over and poked his side.
He pretended as if I had hurt him.
I did it again.
He dodged me and took hold of my hand before I could poke him a third time. “Your giggle is cute.”
I hadn’t noticed I had giggled, but I smacked him with some force. “Don’t call me cute. Makes me think I'm a puppy.”
“But you are cute,” he held both my hands away from him.
I pretended to struggle to get out of his hold. “So, I call you hot and all you got for me is cute? That’s not fair.” I managed to free one hand and slapped his leg.
He was still sitting on the stool. He managed to take hold of both my wrists in just one of his big hands. With the other, he pulled me against his chest and used his legs to wrap around my own legs to keep me still. I was now looking into his chocolate browns. “I also think you’re hot,” his volume was low, but due to my proximity to him, I heard him clearly.
I felt as if I was on one of my bike rides with him, my pulse was picking up. “Liar.”
He pulled me a little closer and dismissed my words. “Especially when you braid your hair because the next day you let it down and your curls make you look pretty fucking sexy.”
“Sexy?” I could feel the warmth on my cheeks now. I knew he was playing with me, but I couldn't help but hope he was being honest. It felt good to know I was attractive to him.
This fucking crush was definitely out of control now. Here I was allowing myself to fantasize.
He stopped manhandling me. His hands were holding my own and his thighs rested along my hips, no longer wrapped around me. I was now leaning onto him of my own volition. And the woodsy scent coming off of him filled my senses.
There was a sharpening and intense look in his eyes. Even with the spectacles on, his eyes drew me in. His monolids were low as his dark irises looked intently into mine. The shape of his eyes reminded me of a dragon's, one getting ready to strike. “Very sexy. And then when you wear yellow or purple…nothing about you is cute anymore.”
Looking into this predator's stare felt too intimidating, my eyes pulled away. But as they made their way down, his full lips filled my view. A smirk danced on them and I felt a need to lean further in.
But the sound of an alarm snapped me back to reality. I jumped back, startled and feeling embarrassed.
I heard a low grunt come from him when I stepped away. I walked to my phone, turning off my alarm. I had set up a reminder to be in bed by 3 AM. I had to slightly tug my hands from Namjoon’s and walked over to my phone.
I took some deep breaths as I turned off my alarm. The distance between us was making me think a little clearer. “I should really head to bed.”
I didn’t wait for him to answer as I closed my laptop and cleaned up a little. The workshop tomorrow was going to be held here anyway, so I didn’t have to disassemble anything.
“I should get some sleep too,” Namjoon said as he also tidied up.
After we cleared things up in dead silence, we made our way up the stairs.
When we reached my room, I mumbled a quick “Good night.” I made a step to my room.
However, Namjoon had other plans. We usually hugged goodbye at the end of the night after hanging out. But because we were going to see each other again in a few hours, I hadn’t thought about hugging him. I mean, we hadn't hugged that night I had slept over at the dorms. He, on the other hand, wanted to continue our ritual.
He was so smooth I didn’t notice him leaning over to wrap his arm around my back until I was in his cozy embrace. I tried to lift my hand and wrap my arms around him, but I was too in shock to move.
“Night.” His voice almost sounded one with the night, so calm and still.
I felt his full lips brush against my forehead, leaving a feeling of warmth behind.
In all our years of being friends, we had only kissed a handful of times. And it had always been on top of the head, where there was plenty of hair in the way of us feeling lips against flesh. I should be questioning why he was kissing me on the forehead right now, but instead, I was wondering if he was going to wrap his other arm around me and pull me closer. Maybe lean down more to place those lips against mine.
But, as quickly as I had found his warmth against me, I found it cold as he stepped back. Even in the darkness, I saw the smirk on his face. The light glistering from the window allowed me to see the wink he gave me behind his glasses right before he went into his room and close the door.
I took a few steps back into my own room and shut the door behind me, completely baffled by what had just occurred.
Had he just put the moves on me?
That smirk, the hug, the wink…. I had seen Namjoon interact with other girls before. I could tell when he was interested and working up the courage to ask a girl out. His whole persona had felt and looked like that.
Was Kim Namjoon into me??
MASTERLIST
Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30
27 notes · View notes
Close To You(Harry Styles x oc)
It started in the early morning. 6:45 am to be precise. It was a chilly Albuquerque morning, and the balloons were going up, as they always did that early. Leaving the house as soon as she could, starting the 20 minute drive to work like she did every day. Arriving at work with no problem, she was immediately called into her boss, Sofia's office.
"Em, could you come in here for a sec? And close the door?"
Emily's pov
I slowly walked into Sofia's office, closing the door and sitting down.
"Did I do something again?"
The older woman chuckles and shakes her head.
"No. But I wanted to talk to you. Do you remember when Christopher said we were expanding into Europe?"
I nod my head, briefly remembering the conversation.
"Well, they want you and a few drivers to go to London for a couple months to start up. Your position would be my current one. The company is paying for your living space and travel, you are responsible for anything else. Interested?"
Wow. That's... not what I thought she was gonna talk to me about.
"U-um yeah I'd love to! When do I leave?"
She smiles.
"At the end of the month. You'll be in charge of everything and everyone there. I know you'll do great."
I smile and thank her. After that, the month flys fast. I pack what I need and it's shipped to my new flat and anything else goes into my mom's garage. On the day I leave, I meet the 2 drivers coming with me, Jackson and Adam, at the airport. At 4:30am. It's already too early and I need coffee.
"You guys ready for this?"
The two men tiredly nod and we trek to our gate after checking our bags. After about 30 minutes we begin boarding our flight. The attendant scans my boarding pass.
"Miss, it seems you've been upgraded to first class due to availability. Enjoy your flight!"
Adam, Jackson and myself just share a look and proceed ahead. I find my seat and holy crap it's nice. They find theirs in economy and we part ways. I take my seat and pull out my iPad, briefly starting to get some work done. The plane takes off and soon we land in LAX. The flight is a straight trip but I guess they had to pick up more people. I decide to put my work away and watch Demon Slayer instead. I pay no mind when I see from the corner of my eye, someone take the seat next to me. Jackson comes over to me to chat for a minute at that moment as well.
"Hey Em, do you have all the addresses for where we are staying? Ryan forgot to send it to us."
"Yeah. We're all in the same place, just separate units. We'll be fine."
He nods and briefly looks at my screen.
"Really? Demon Slayer again?"
I flip him off and he laughs and returns to his seat. After a couple minutes, the person next to her speaks up.
"Is it good? What you're watching?"
I take out my headphones and turn to the stranger, about to reply, when I see his face and my mouth drops.
"I-I um yeah it is. I-I like it."
He smiles and holds out his hand to me.
" 'M Harry."
I smile and shake his had. I'm pretty sure he could tell I was shaking.
"I-I'm Emily. I-it's nice to meet you!"
He laughs and I swear I could just die after hearing that sound.
"Y'must know who I am."
I nod and blush.
"I love your music. Always makes me feel better and brings a smile to my face."
He smiles.
" 'M glad to hear that. Love makin music and gettin to share it. Means a lot t'me that it helps s'many."
I nod and we talk for a bit. I don't think I've ever actually had this meaningful of a conversation with anyone before.
"S'what are you watchin? Looks interesting."
"Oh um that? Oh it's just an anime that I like. I've seen it multiple times. I guess I just like watching it."
I giggle and he smiles, filling my stomach with butterflies.
"Would y'mind if I watched with you?"
I nod my head and hand off an AirPod to him, moving my iPad in the middle so we could both see and I hit play. Somehow, through the flight, we finished season one and part of Mugen Train before we finally land. And I don't think I have ever been more disappointed. We both got up but before he walked away, Harry turned to me.
"I don't usually do this, but I want to see you again. Would y'want to maybe... exchange numbers? J-just as long as you promise not t'give it out...?"
"Y-yeah I'd love to! And I'd never do that! That's a betray of trust and that's one thing I refuse to do to anyone!"
He smiles and takes my phone, putting his number in it.
"Text me love. Would love t'get coffee with you sometime." I smile and nod, waving him goodbye as I wait for Jackson and Adam to meet me up front. I see them come up and Jackson is grinning and wiggling his eyebrows at me.
"Shut it Miles. I don't want to hear it."
The two men laugh as we make our way out of the plane to baggage claim. I look around briefly for Harry and obviously I don't see him, causing disappointment to show on my face. So I decide to pull out my phone to text him.
E- Hi Harry! It's Emily!😊
H-Couldn't wait could y'love?😉
E-I  could've! I'm just waiting at baggage claim and the two idiots I'm traveling with are teasing me!😒
H-Yeah? S'not nice. Should I come steal you away?
E-Ha! As much as I would love that, I have to get the three of us settled in and dispatch them. Maybe coffee tomorrow?
H-Sounds great! I know a great place! I'll text you the address😊 See you tomorrow love
E-See you tomorrow❤️
TIME SKIP BECAUSE MY BRAIN DIED
It's been a couple months since I met Harry. And everyday with him is amazing. We both work quite a bit but still manage to see each other a couple times a week. But unfortunately... I'm going home soon. With the hiring of more staff, I'm not needed and they want me to come home. And now I have to tell Harry. I'm waiting for him at our usual spot and I see him come up to me. I stand up and meet him halfway, walking into his warm embrace.
"Missed you love."
"Missed you too."
He caressed my cheek and kissed my forehead. I forced a small smile.
"Y'okay love? Look a little down."
"Y-yeah I'm fine. But we do need to talk."
He looks at me with concern as I lead him to our table and we sit down.
"So you know how I've been telling you how well things have been going with setting up the new branch?"
He nods his head in acknowledgment.
"Well... it's done. There's new staffing and multiple drivers... so they want me back home."
We sit in silence for just a minute.
"When... when d'you leave?"
"In 3 days...Look Harry... I don't want this to be the end of whatever this is between us. I like you. And these past couple months? You made me feel so alive. I've never felt this way before. I know this sounds corny but I don't want this to be the end of you don't..."
He pauses for a minute and bursts out laughing. I look at him in confusion.
"How do you always seem to take the words out of my mouth?"
He pauses for another minute.
" 'course I still want t'see you. I love spending time w'you. We'll work it out somehow."
He takes me out of my chair and hugs me tight. He pets my head and I start crying.
"Shhh. It's okay love. M'not lettin you go that easily. You're stuck with me."
"But I'm gonna be in New Mexico! And you're still trying to write your album!"
"You're forgetting about something though."
I just look at him in complete and utter confusion. Those are the facts though... how could I be forgetting something?
"How often have you FaceTimed y'mum while you've been here?"
"I don't know- probably like a good couple dozen- ohhhh! Duh!"
He laughs and hugs me tighter.
"Know it's not ideal but we'll make it work. And I'll come visit you o'course. Can't go long without my muse, now can I? Never get the album finished without you." I blush and bury my head in his chest, causing him to chuckle.
"I'm know you would do an amazing job finishing it. You don't need me for inspiration Mr. I like to write songs about sex."
He chuckles and lifts my head up, forcing me to look him in the eyes.
"Course I do. I've written 2 songs already. Because of you. So I definitely need you. So stop thinkin so little o'yourself."
I nod, tearing up a little.
"Will you come see me off?"
He smiles and lifts me up.
"Really think I wouldn't? I'd never give up the chance t'see you, even if it is goodbye."
He kisses my nose, making me smile.
"Let's go get you packed up, yeah?" He grabs my bag and leaves a tip for the waiter.
"Wait you're gonna help me pack?"
"Course I am. Gotta get my time with you while I have you. And besides, we need to finish Edens Zero, don't we?"
I chuckle and nod my head. As excited as I am to go home to my family and my regular day to day life, I hate that I have to do it without Harry there with me. These past couple months have been amazing and he makes everything more fulfilling.
TIME SKIP TO THE AIRPORT
I woke up early this morning and I'm not ready to leave. Harry came to see me off though. I grab his hand and pull him off to the side.
"Something wrong love?"
I take a long deep breath.
"No... I just. I want to tell you something. I want to get it off my plate before I leave... Harry... I love you. And I know this is probably way too soon to say but- I just wanted to tell you. And I totally understand if you-"
Before I can finish, he grabs my face and kisses me. I close my eyes and focus on the feeling of his lips against mine. After a minute or so, he slowly lets go. He lets out a chuckle.
"Sometimes... I swear... you talk s'much that no one can get a word in."
I blush and bury my face in his chest until he pulls me out and places his finger under my chin, lifting my head up.
"I love you, Emily. I mean it."
I start to tear up a little.
"What did I ever do to deserve you?"
"Dunno, because I am an angel."
He batts his eyes at me and flashes that smile that I love so much.
"Oh hush. I try to be cheesy and you decide to be cheeky."
He chuckles and hugs up and we don't let go until they call for boarding for my flight home. He kisses me once more and I let the tears fall down my face. As soon as we let go, he wipes my tears with his thumb and smiles at me.
"Promise y'text me when you're home?"
I nod my head and give him one last hug and I let go, letting the tears fall.
A COUPLE WEEKS LATER
Things have gone back to normal for the most part. I'm back to doing my old job. It hasn't been too bad. But I miss Harry like crazy. We FaceTime at least 3 times a day and talk on the phone almost every second. He's been singing me to sleep recently and honestly I always wake up refreshed in the morning because of it.
Right now, I'm sitting at my desk, entering orders, when I see a name flash across my phone screen. I smile and answer.
E- Well hello there handsome
H-Hi love! What're y'doing later this week?
E-Oh, you know, the usual. Working and going to my sisters this weekend I think. What are you up to?
H-Oh, you know, just planning a trip to go see my favorite girl this weekend.
My eyes go wide.
E-REALLY?!
He laughs.
H-Mhm... Mum and Gemma wanna meet you. So... they were gonna come with... if that's okay...
E-I-I'd love to meet them! But isn't it too soon? I mean we haven't even made anything official...
H- That's what I said! But according to Gem, I refuse to shut up about you so they are insisting on meeting you.
I let out a little chuckle.
E- I guess if I'm meeting them, you should meet my mom and my sisters... well... some of them.
H-We'll be in Thursday. I'm booking hotels for mum, Gem and Jeff.
E-I'm sorry... are you expecting to stay with me?
H- I mean-
I let out a loud snort.
E- I'm kidding. Of course you can stay with me. But it's only a one bed so you can sleep with me or on the couch. I'll ask for Friday off and see if Sofia will approve it.
H-Don't worry bout that. We'll probably sleep Friday and explore later.
E-text me your flight details and I'll come get you Thursday after I get off. I can't wait to see you!
H- Me too love. I love you
E-Love you too Harry.
We hang up and I get back to work, never letting the smile leave my face for the rest of the day.
Special thanks to @puffpasstea for encouraging me to write this! Ily!😭
What did you guys think? Let me know!
You can also read this story on my Wattpad! I update on there first!
https://www.wattpad.com/user/Emilywantstopanic?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_profile&utm_campaign=invitefriends&wp_page=home&wp_uname=Emilywantstopanic&wp_originator=o7eOz3sk5SD6Qljiga4LelFEd7tJ0DJxeFaPHUJGEnK9YD7yyceicZVZ0Yu6D9ZHwEudjMK%2FjppS7oWgVoCf5hhxvNpUdhmIoYioGiymhQzrRSlSqG7W8SXvmRAP4hSc
2367 WC
21 notes · View notes
spencersmagic · 3 years
Text
a knife twists at the thought - SR
Tumblr media
Prompt: a knife twists at the thought that i should fall short of the mark - Arctic Monkeys
Summary: Spencer is new to this, and the poor boy is terrified
Couple: Fem! Reader x Spencer Reid (i picture season 2/3 Spencer but y’all do you)
Category: angst
Word count: 3086 words
Warnings: general criminal minds stuff, mentions and descriptions of torture, descriptions of loss, HAPPY ENDING!!, my 3am writing, tooth rotting love, uhmm spoilers for Orwell’s 1984 (if anybody hasn’t read it), humiliation, Spencer crying and breaking my heart (lmk if you need anything warned or trigger tagged).
A/N This is very loosely based on 2x15 (VERY LOOSELY). I’m quite proud of this one :)
masterlist // 505 series taglist
*****
They say you never see it coming.
When a tragedy occurs, and someone’s life is turned upside down forever, they never see it coming. It just... hits them. Like an oncoming car ramming into a bystander who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
No one has time to prepare. In our time-starved lives, there is no place for such a warning.
One day, you just wake up. And they’re not next to you. They’ve disappeared, leaving the stickiest, most unforgettable parts of themselves behind for others to grieve to: the smell of their shampoo in the pillows they used to share, the seconds just as you wake when you still feel like you have them - only to gain full consciousness and realise they left you behind - even the fucking jars, which never seem to be open because he’s just not there to do it.
And you feel your heart breaking all over again as your soul sticks to the parts that couldn’t be erased with the rest of him as he left. Because you needed him, you had him, and now he’s gone. No warning, no letter, no signs which could’ve helped you foresee such a tragedy, because how could he? He didn’t disappear on purpose.
She doesn’t understand why he's so absent. So unequivocally missing. And the person she would turn to to ask these riddled questions isn’t there to answer. Because he’s gone.
But they’re not there yet.
And she feels so close to that feeling - the helplessness, the pain, the empty cups next to her bed because he always carried them to the sink when she was finished with her tea the mornings of those rare days they got to sleep in. Those days when they had time. She can practically touch, with the tip of her fingertips, the waves of pain that would surge over her if he was gone for one more fucking minute.
She has to remind herself, over and over again, like a mantra. He’s not gone yet.
The “yet” at the end of her mantra just breaks her all over again.
She was always the one to tell Spencer “if you worry before something happens, in case it goes wrong, and then it does, you’ve managed to suffer twice through something painful for absolutely no reason”. It usually worked. Needless to say, she felt like a hypocrite right about now.
Because Spencer is gone. And she doesn’t know how to bring him back.
She knows only to watch the monitor, never once blinking, taking in everything that happened in that damned livestream - every word, every sound, every reference. She can only try to hear anything over the whimpers and sobs her love was letting out as he’s tortured by that man. She can only hear the cracks of his knuckles against Spencers soft skin, the same soft skin she had kissed mere hours ago before telling him to “be careful”. Her own way of saying the three little words the couple was too young to hear. She can only see his lips parting, sobs rumbling out of his body as the unsub abuses his frame over and over again - same lips which had kissed her forehead before telling her “i always am”.
Then again, she isn’t sure if its his voice which is filling her head with painful sounds or if her mind is playing tricks on her, memorising the horrifying vibrations coming from his chest for her to ever consider anything else. She hasn’t stopped hearing him since she turned on that damned computer.
She isn’t sure she’ll ever stop hearing it.
**
As a man of great intellect, Spencer always recurred to knowledge to understand difficult occurrences in his life. Burying himself in textbooks, novels, poems, and even music to understand pain, and himself having a life filled with it, he was an incredibly knowledgeable man.
He knew much. But right now, he only knew one thing.
In Orwells’ 1984, as Winston was being tortured (much like Spencer is right now), Orwell described the following:
“Never, for any reason on earth, could you wish for an increase of pain. Of pain you could only wish one thing: that it should stop. Nothing in the world was so bad as physical pain. In the face of pain there are no heroes, no heroes”.
And, as a man who had acquired most of his intellect by immersing himself in trivial content in the face of pain, he found himself doing the same thing as the unsub hurt him over and over again, each blow seemingly more painful than the last. As his skin bruised, a causality of his abusers torment, he analysed the seemingly logical quote.
It must depend on the person, he was sure. In fact, a number of factors must be taken into consideration at this statement. For starters, Winston lives in a society incapable of any human feelings. There is only dominance, and those who attempt, in vain, to challenge it. Surely, if he had felt happiness, like the one you feel when the first day of spring rolls around, or like the one that creeps up on you as you look into the eyes of your loved one, surely, he would understand that some things can outweigh pain.
Love.
If Spencer’s mind could make sense of what he was feeling right now, he would understand, something he would figure of were he to leave this damned place, that he was thankful to the Gods, were there any, for having the unsub kidnap him and not Y/N.
Winston hadn’t understood emotional pain because emotions weren’t dealt with regularly. They were discouraged. That’s why he believed that there are no heroes in the face of pain. Because he doesn’t understand emotional pain.
He knew he was suffering. He also knew that Y/N was at the other side of the blinking camera suffering more than he could ever imagine.
**
They say emotional pain lasts 12 minutes. Anything one feels after this would be the aftermath of the cause of the pain in question. Pure emotional pain, the one you practically feel in your chest, the one that says “i can’t think, feel or be. not until this feeling dissipates”.
She had learned this from Spencer.
And she wished it were true. As she watched that damned monitor, she wished that all the venom the unsub was spewing at Spencer, all the verbal abuse, was long forgotten. She wished he could only feel the physical pain. Because the mind is incredibly stronger than the body - it could keep him awake, alive, for just enough time for the team to rescue him.
The entire team had huddled around the monitor around her. She was painfully aware that other people were seeing this. Which meant it wasn’t her imagination. It wasn’t another one of those damned dreams she would have when she slept a little too far away from Spencer’s touch.
They had only been together for two months, but his touch was all that could get her to fall asleep.
She jolted as the unsub landed another slap on Spencer’s cheek, swiftly grabbing his hair for him to look into the camera. He had a cut above his right cheek, just where she would kiss him in the mornings, and bruises all over his neck, jaw and left eye.
“Say hi to your team!” he mocked Spencer, chuckling darkly as he moved his almost lifeless body around for the team to watch in horror. Spencer let out a heartbreaking sob, feeling so vulnerable.
“Why don’t we make this interesting?” he jumped, as if he had gotten an idea. The unsub reached behind himself to grab a pistol, clicking off the magazine safety to put one bullet in one of the eight slots, leaving the other seven free. He pointed it at Spencer’s temple.
Her entire body shook the thought of seeing Spencer’s lifeless body, held up only by the ropes and that sick man’s grip around his curls. The same curls she grabbed as she kissed his face when she wanted his attention.
“I’m going to ask you some questions...” he said, voice dripping with sickening sweetness as he turned the roulette, “and if i don’t like your answer i’ll pull the trigger! Let God decide what I do with you. Sounds good?”. He wanted to humiliate Spencer.
However, Spencer made the mistake of not answering him. He was quickly reminded as the barrel of the gun pointed right between his eyes, pulling the trigger, a loud bang! sound expanding through the barn.
“I asked you a question!” he suddenly yelled into Spencer’s face.
“Y-yes, Sir” he whimpered, shaking at the ease at which the man pulled the trigger.
“Good, you’re learning”.
**
She experienced it by bits. Hotch’s hoarse voice. “Talk to me Garcia”. “We’ve got coordinates”. Everybody rushing to the SUVs. Tripping over her own feet on the way to the car. Morgan’s voice. The iPad, which still carried Spencer’s whimpers and the man mocking tone.
“I’ve got your diary, Spence” his sing-song voice didn’t match the disgusting man she was looking at. Nothing made sense.
“And I wanna know why...” he drew out the ‘y’ as he looked for something between the worn pages between his hands.
Of course she knew Spencer owned a diary. But she was mature enough to keep her hands to herself and her eyes on her own pages as he wrote on his, eyebrows creasing as he recalled all which he had experienced during the day. His face would twitch slightly at the memories, both good and bad, as he basically described his day word by word.
“...why did you wait until you were 24 to lose your virginity?” he asked in a clear attempt to humiliate and ridicule Spencer in front of his team.
“I-I didn't-” he could barely finish a word before a sob wrecking through his body at the humiliation, chest rumbling and voice wavering. “I didn’t want to lose it before, i w-wasn’t in a hurry” he rushed out. The man brought the pistol to his own chin, tapping it as he thought. “Hmm... I’m satisfied with your answer. Let’s dig deeper, shall we?” he asked as he went back into the pages.
“ooh! This one is new” that sick bastard was having fun with this, completely unaware that the team was less than 5 minutes away from their location.
“Care to read what you wrote three days ago? Right here” he turned the pages so Spencer could read them, though he was painfully aware of that entry he was talking about. His body shook violently. “P-please. D-don’t ma-make me do t-this” he whimpered, body feeling defeated.
“Wrong answer” the unsub said before pointing a gun at him and pulling the trigger.
A shriek was heard from the iPad. The SUV went silent.
“He’s alive” she whispered, unable to speak up. “He-” she swallowed. “He’s alive. We’re not there, yet” her mantra became a reminder that she hadn’t been quick enough to help him. She had the tools to save him. Every second she had the knowledge to save him and didn’t was another second she remained impotent at the risk of losing the love of her life.
Spencer’s voice spoke from the iPad.
“C-can you at-at leas-st turn off t-the ca-amera?” he said between sobs.
And it hit her.
What hurt him the most wasn’t the memories he had to relieve, but the fact that the rest of the team would have to hear his most intimate thoughts. His deepest secrets.
He could bare the pain. The humiliation? That broke him.
“Aww” the unsub chuckled mockingly, “are you embarrassed?” he said, slouching down to look into his eyes. “Well too fucking bad!” he screamed into his face, spitting with every word he spewed at him. Spencer’s sobs got louder.
“O-okay okay!” Spencer caved, accepting the journal that got shoved into his face.
“Read, pretty boy” the unsub sang. That son of a bitch was having fun.
“We’re two minutes away, Y/N” Hotch said. Maybe it was he sobs, which were barely audible to herself, having accepted them as second nature after all the heartbreak she was experiencing, but Hotch needed her to be okay.
His own heart thumped into his chest, feeling as helpless as he’d ever felt. Seeing a member of his team - someone he was supposed to take care of, someone he was supposed to keep safe - was sobbing as he was physically and emotionally tortured. But he was painfully aware of the feelings Y/N was experiencing. The sheer fear that was running down her veins at the idea of them running out of time.
After a few sobs, Spencer started reading, interrupting himself occasionally with his whimpers:
“It’s been three months. Today, three months, seven hours and forty-six minutes ago, she did what I didn’t have the courage to do. She asked me out. “I’ve been wanting to ask you pretty much since the day i met you” she had said. Those words keep ringing in my head like a beautifully written symphony, intrinsically designed to make me face my deepest fears. Opening my scars one by one, dissecting them and reaching the simple conclusion that i was a coward.
She didn’t say it, but what she meant was “i’ve been waiting for you to do it, but you never did, so i had to”. We wasted time - a time so precious and sacred - because i was a coward.
I’ve never felt like this before. I never understood a love so deep as to move something so stubborn as the human spirit. I’ve read textbook after textbook, and novel after novel, and still I’ve never learned more than with her. But I was a coward. And i wasted her time. I fear that I still am.
A knife twists at the thought that i should fall short of the mark. It’s impossible for me to ever be enough for her”.
Her heart broke at this confession. Even worse at the thought that he wouldn’t’ve told her, instead inhaling fear and exhaling rejection at every breath he took next to her.
“We’re here” she heard Hotch, looking at her. She grabbed a bottle of water and dropped the iPad, not hearing the teams objections at the lack of vest and preparation and ran into the barn.
She isn’t sure if she’ll ever stop hearing his whimpers. As she runs closer, she hears them louder and louder, decorated with sobs and cries, and small, meaningless replies to his abusers’ mocking words.
She kicked the door down, the loud bang booming across the room, only helping in raising Spencer’s sobs as he feared the sound had been the result of a certain trigger being pulled. As she looks at him, she realises just how much pain he’s been put through.
She remembers Orwells words, much like how Spencer had remembered them mere hours ago. And disagrees, wishing over and over, praying to the Gods that she would be the victim of such atrocious abuse. She wished she could take his pain. Morgan joined her at her side mere seconds later, yelling. “FBI! Put the gun down!”.
Spencer used the last bit of energy to lunge forward, hitting the unsubs stomach with his head, successfully getting him on the floor for Morgan to apprehend. Y/N rushed to Spencer’s side, untying him, as his now nonexistent sobs grew louder and louder, not only at the prospect of getting out of that horrible place alive, but also at the knowledge that Y/N had heard what he had so dreadfully recited.
Spencer collapsed into her arms, crying into her in the same way she was crying into him, and she wondered just how to take away all his pain. So they cried into each other, desperately grasping each others hair, skin, clothes, anything that would make them feel like they wouldn’t have to spend another damned second without the company of each other.
Spencer was the first to break the silence.
“I need-” he stopped, coughing. She reached for the bottle of water she had brought with her because she knew he would need it. She always knew what he needed.
He chugged it desperately, stray drops falling down his chin at his eagerness. He took a deep breath trying to steady his lungs.
“I need to get out of here” he choked out.
She grabbed him under the shoulders, careful not to hurt him - not being successful, realising that there wasn’t much of him the man hadn’t hurt. Y/N pulled him out, sitting down on the grass with him. Their legs intertwined, pulling each other impossibly closer. They kissed, over and over again. Not as an act of any sexual relevance, but as a reminder that they had each other in any way, shape or form. That they weren’t out of time.
The team was certain they would stay there, never letting each other go for another minute.
After what felt like seconds in their time-starved little world, she broke the silence, which had only been filled with their own cries and occasional sobs.
“Spence” she grabbed his chin to look into his eyes. They were dull, red and hooded. He was exhausted. “Mhmm?” he let out, looking into hers. She was his solace.
“How could you ever think you were anything but completely and unequivocally enough?” she whispered the words he dreaded.
But as Spencer looked into her eyes he knew, better than he had ever known anything, that he was enough. And she was enough. He realised that which she had known for the past three months (possibly longer). They fit like two marvellous puzzle pieces.
Her hands grabbed his cheeks slowly, as to not hurt or startle him, pulling his forehead into hers. “Baby, I can’t imagine anybody else waking up to me every morning. You’re so much more than enough”, she planted a small kiss on his forehead before resuming her position. “I’ll remind you every day of the rest of my life if that’s what it takes for you to believe it”.
And with their eyes closed, foreheads and noses pressed together and legs tangled between each other, pulling each other close, closer - around grass and voices and his abuser pressed into the hood of a police car, they only felt each other. With their shaky breaths, even shakier voices, fearing any words that would leave them in case they triggered a cascade of tears down their oh so vulnerable cheeks, they were more than enough.
***
I hope y’all liked it!! Feel free to let me know by liking, reblogging, or sending me a message :) 
super cool kid taglist: @lady-anon-x​ @spencerreid-mgg​​ @eoupe​ @inlovewithbabygirl​ @galaxydefenderjulia​ @username2002​
418 notes · View notes
neoculturetravesty · 3 years
Text
We met in online class - Last Part
Tumblr media
Image adapted from here.
Pairing: Renjun x Reader Genre: College AU, romance, angst, fluff Warnings: Strong language Word Count: 3.4k
Navigation: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | You are on the Last Part
A/N: And so it comes to an end, and let me tell you guys, I am not okay 😔 This is going to be a bit of a longer A/N, so please bear with me. If you’d like to get straight to the story, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, so feel free to click Keep Reading!
Lowkey, I had a bit of a meltdown as I typed the final words on this fic because I hadn’t realized how attached I had grown to the characters. This is the first time I wrote three different chapter openers before deciding on one, because I simply couldn’t believe it was goodbye after this.
These mofos had constantly been on my mind for the past two months and a half. I would spend most days thinking about where to take them and then bringing them to life at night, after my entire day was over. When I wasn’t writing, I’d make little notes about thoughts I had into the night about them so that I wouldn’t forget them when morning comes. 
This was my first ever (and as of right now, my only) chaptered fic. I had no idea parting with it would be as emotional as it was. When I think back to when I first received the prompt for this, I had never even imagined I could write Renjun, let alone a series. But there was something in the prompt that had gotten my wheels turning. And I am so immensely glad that it did. There were days when I thought “Oh man, what have I gotten myself into.” Some days, the story would just flow. Other days, I’d keep staring at the blinking cursor not knowing what to type. But when I did, I found my emotions so deeply connected with the characters. I was happy when they were happy. I was sad when they were sad. So, parting with them is very hard to say the least.
But through this journey, I got to experience the joy of reading all of your reviews and comments and honestly, it made it all worth it. THANK YOU to every single one of you that read this story and waited on it and laughed and cried with it. You have made my life better in more ways than you can imagine.
In this moment, I want to thank 🍙 anon, because it was their prompt that put me in this mess in the first place. And so, it is only fitting that I dedicate the final part to them 💛
Tumblr media
“Oh, we definitely need a picture together. How about here? I think this place would fit everyone.” Kim Doyoung looks about, finding a spot best suited for the photo he wanted.
“I think right there on the platform would be better. We could get everyone in two tiers.” his assistant suggests.
“You’re a genius. Let’s gather everyone. It’s not often that so many NCTU grads and students come to Midnight Arthouse,” Doyoung nods.
“How many of us are here, anyway?” Renjun muses. The assistant looks at her iPad, checking once again.
“I think there’s 23 of you. So, let’s definitely go for the platform.” she nods.
“Okay, then.” Doyoung claps his hands together once, “Gather everyone,” he says to no one in particular and walks ahead with purpose. Renjun and the assistant’s eyes meet and they smirk. Of course this was directed to the both of them. So, they set about to work.
As it would turn out, gathering 23 people from a charity event with art and food and drinks would be a bit of a task. But somehow, they manage to gather all alumni and current students on the platform in three tiers instead of two for a somewhat chaotic picture. There must’ve been something in the water at NCTU because none of it’s students could stand still for very long. They get maybe one decent picture and several in which someone or the other was moving or pulling a face.
His friends aside, looking around at the group, Renjun realized that he recognized nearly all of them. Yangyang and Hendery and the rest of their frat were here. As were the 127s, old and new. Renjun recognized them all, except maybe two boys, who didn’t seem to know a lot of the others either. When the pictures were done and the main events were over and the crowd had started to dissipate, Renjun finally walked over to the artwork to observe it up close.
Honestly speaking, watching the work with his own two eyes left no doubt in his mind that this artist deserved to be spotlighted like this. This work was in a league of its own. Watching it makes Renjun smile; because looking at it makes him think back to a few months ago when he was sitting in Kim Doyoung’s office, thinking of himself as some sort of a big shot. But the truth is, there was no way he had that caliber then, and there is no way he has that caliber now, though he was sure as hell working on it.
“This is the piece I lost the bid on.” Renjun hears a voice and he turns around to see Zhong Chenle’s father observing the art with him. Renjun bows politely and smiles under his mask,
“I mean, this is a remarkable piece. You have good taste.” Renjun acknowledges.
“What about you? Why isn’t any of your artwork displayed here?” he asks and for a while, Renjun smiles a bit nostalgically. He could’ve been here, had he made something for the Annuale. Had he just selfishly taken that shot. Then again, there would’ve been no real guarantees. Because Kim Doyoung was pretty particular in the people he chose, whether they were recommended by his family or not. Working with him closely in the last couple of months had taught Renjun that. It had also taught him how underdeveloped his skill was in the real world context.
“I guess I still have a long way to go.” Renjun replies humbly.
“Don’t we all?” Chenle’s father nods, “Are you working here at this establishment?” 
“Um, I… I suppose I am. I am Kim Doyoung’s apprentice. He is my mentor.” Renjun nods.
“So I might see your work here soon enough, eh?” Renjun assumes the kind man is smiling under his mask because his eyes seem to be making the same shape as Chenle’s do when he smiles. So Renjun grins back.
“I mean… if I work really hard, I might get to shoot my shot in the next Midnight Arthouse Annuale.” Renjun fantasizes.
“Or maybe you’d get lucky like this young artist,” he points his chin towards the artwork.
Renjun smiles, “I would credit her luck, too if I hadn’t seen her work. But her talent is… it kinda speaks for itself.”
“Oh, no, you should definitely credit her luck. Talent isn’t enough. The stars have to align. Luck, talent, the right place, the right time. It all has to come together.” he says nodding. 
Renjun considers his words. They seem to be coming from the wisdom of experience. 
What if Renjun hadn’t received the phone call about his grandma back then? Well, then he probably would’ve made something lackluster and gotten rejected. Working with Kim Doyoung has taught him as much. It didn’t matter who had put a word in for him. At the end of the day, his work had to be outclass.
What if he had received the phone call and then still had enough time to submit something for the Annuale? Then he still probably wouldn’t have because… well, because of you.
What if he had gone ahead, regardless of you or his grandma and just made something and submitted it? Then he still would’ve been rejected. Because the truth of the matter is, he just didn’t have the caliber that artists associated with Midnight Arthouse did.
In that sense, Renjun supposes everything was in fact happening at the right place and right time now. Doyoung was mentoring him and he was getting better by the day. The stars were aligning for him. He knew it in his heart.
“Then I would wish that it all comes together for me, too.” Renjun says.
“When it does, young man, I’ll be the first one to bid on your work.” he says and Renjun doesn’t even have the time to react when he feels a presence breeze in his direction and invade his personal space.
Renjun doesn’t even have to look up to know who it is. He can tell by the way this body fits perfectly into his side. He can tell by how naturally his own body responds and just puts his arm around it’s waist.
“Oh man, I missed all of it, didn’t I?” you lament, as you loop your arms around his neck from the side instead of a hello.
“Not all of it. The guys just left but your brother and his friends are still here. Besides, you had work.” Renjun turns his head and looks into your eyes to reassure you. “Y/N, this is Chenle’s father.”
“Oh, hello!” you say cheerfully and respectfully bow and give you greetings. “It is so nice to meet you. Chenle looks just like you!”
“Yes, I’ve been told I’m a more handsome version of him,” he smiles then turns to Renjun, “And who might this young lady be?”
“This is my girlfriend, Y/N. She goes to NCTU with us.” Renjun introduces you and you bow again. Oh, the thrill he got every time he got to introduce you as his girlfriend. Fuck, he’s pretty sure he’d never tire of it, even if it had just been a few months. The serotonin boost in his veins is strong and he gets the urge to squeeze you and hold you forever.
“Oh, that’s very nice. Come have a meal with us before we have to catch a plane back home, okay?” Chenle’s father invites the two of you. 
“Oh, I would love to!” you say in your chipper tone before your eyes start darting around “I’m going to have to excuse myself for a little bit, I just wanna say hi to my brother.” you say and you politely bow before you start moving away.
“Babe, hang on…” Renjun says, holding you back by your hand. He brings his fingers delicately to the bridge of your nose and softly pinches down the mask over it so it sits more snugly on you. “There, it’s much safer now.” Renjun nods and watches the affectionate smile your eyes give before you move away. You looked so pretty today, even if you were just coming back from a four-hour internship. You were easily the most beautiful girl in this room, though Renjun suspected that you’d be the most beautiful girl in any room you entered. 
Albeit sometimes, Renjun had to wonder if your talent or your beauty was greater. Because you had become the only junior in NCTU to land an internship at the SMK Trainee Drive. And now that you were a senior, you were somehow managing to keep your grades up alongside it. 
Renjun, on the other hand, would find himself struggling with balancing his apprenticeship with his school work. So he knew firsthand how your discipline was something else altogether. Recently though, he had experienced a rise in his grades because you had been taking him on so many study dates that your organizational skills and motivation had started to rub off on him.
Renjun walks around the studio and the party and feels like it’s been too long till you’re finally back by his side. 
“Love in the Time of Corona,” you read the title of an art piece displayed in front of you. “That was supposed to be our thing.”
Renjun laughs and has no qualms in looping his arms around your waist and finally pulling you into himself.
“I guess we should’ve realized then how un-novel the idea would become in a few months.” he comments. 
“Un-novel is not a word, Huang Renjun.” you narrow your eyes at him.
Renjun laughs. “It is now,” he says and lets out a long exhale, “I missed you today.” he complains, though he looks down at you with warmth.
“Well, you’ve got me now. And you have me for the entire weekend.” you reassure him, your palms on his chest.
“Mhmm.” Renjun smiles and he wants to lean in to kiss you. But Kim Doyoung specifically had people assigned to walk around and make sure that everyone had their masks on when inside. “Also, we already have a thing.” he reminds you and winks.
You laugh, and say “I guess we do,” then let out a happy sigh as your eyes avert from his for a moment, taking in your surroundings. “Our Couple Thing should give you some ideas on what you can make when your work is displayed here in the 2022 Annuale. I won’t be late to that, I promise. I’ll take a day off from everything else in my life.”
Renjun's heart grows warmer still, and he’s sure his eyes reflect what he feels, “How can you be so sure my work will be displayed in the 2022 Annuale?”
“I don’t know, Huang Renjun. I just have a feeling about you.” you say and Renjun can see you smile even if your lips are covered by a mask. Your eyes always smiled before your mouth did, anyway.
“Y/N L/N, I have a feeling about you, too.” he retorts. 
“And what feeling would that be?” you raise an eyebrow.
“It’s a secret.” he says, but now he sees your pout, even if he can’t see your mouth because your cheeks have puffed up over the mask. It makes him laugh.
“You’re no fun.” you protest.
“I’ll tell you once we get out of here.” Renjun offers.
“Well, I’m ready to leave.” you jut your chin up. Renjun grins and offers you his arm. You grab it with your entire body and the two of you start walking out together.
You had plans for the weekend, after all. And Renjun was determined to keep you all to himself for once, with no one else demanding your time. Not your internship, not your assignments, not any of your friends, and especially not Lee fucking Donghyuck. He was finally going to take you away where it could just be you and him and nobody else.
Tumblr media
This moment felt way too surreal to Renjun.
The campfire had simmered down from a glorious roar to a comfortable burn, giving off just enough heat in the cool of an early winter evening. The sky was in it’s fading moments, where the pink of the light was slowly turning to violets and the violets were slowly merging into darks. 
Renjun remembered suggesting to you all that time ago that maybe you could go somewhere together. But now that he was here, he hadn’t imagined that the moment would feel as surreal as it did. 
Because now the two of you are sitting in front of your tent by the fire, entwined in one another. You’re sitting between his legs, arms around his neck, nuzzling your cheek inside his padded jacket while he supports your head on his arm and kisses you.
He’s holding you in his arms and kissing you and everything seems so perfect that for a moment, he has to pull away to watch your face and wonder if all of this was real. And though there is a gentle smile on your face, you’re not opening your eyes much. Because you know full well that Renjun’s lips would be back on yours in no time. So you play with his hair as they fall to his forehead and when he kisses you again, you press up into him so he would wrap his arms around you and hold you tighter. He does and he rubs his hands up and down your back and attempts to close his jacket around you.
“Are you cold?” he asks lovingly. You shake your head.
“No. I just want to crawl inside you.” you say, like it’s the most logical thing to be said.
“Creepy.” Renjun remarks but holds you closer still.
“You should be happy you haven’t seen my collection of your hair clippings.” you quip as you nip into the skin of his neck.
“Oh, sweet. That rivals all your used tissues I’ve kept in my shrine at home.”
“Aww, you shouldn’t have.” you coo at him and then lean up to kiss him some more and he laughs. But soon, he pushes the arm that you were using like a pillow up so your face would be closer to his and he could kiss you as deeply as he was truly craving. 
The two of you keep kissing like that till the sky is dark. It was an odd sort of trance, being so lost in one another that neither of you cared about what time it was or how long you had been sitting here, wrapped up in one another. Your phones were zipped away in your bags and you hadn’t checked them even once since you had parked your camping van and set up your tent. It was a slow, peaceful sort of bliss, just sitting by the fire and kissing and kissing with nothing else on your minds but being here like this with one another.
“Renjun?” you say, your voice sounding like it was returning from a deep thought.
“Hmm?” Renjun asks as he combs your hair away from your pretty face.
“You know, I learnt today that a cactus can live anywhere between 10 and 200 years.” you tell him, idly tracing the birthmark on the back of his hand.
Renjun leans in and presses long into your lips. “Yeah?” he replies and watches your face. It seemed hazily focused, like it was trying to catch onto a faraway thought.
“I also learnt that it can take up to 30 years for a cactus to bear flowers.” you say in an introspective, wistful tone.
Renjun looks away to hide his smile. Oh God, you were so cute. “Yeah?” he says again, but it’s getting more and more difficult to keep a serious face.
“Sometimes, a cactus doesn’t flower at all.” you say and then you turn your head to look at him like you’ve resurfaced from your thoughts and are now in the moment. Renjun’s grin grows wider. “Renjunnn…” you whine and so he has no choice but to tenderly hold your cheeks in his palms and stroke your hair.
“What?” he chuckles.
“You said you’d think you’re worthy of my forgiveness when the cactus bears flowers.” you whine again and Renjun has to plant a loving kiss to your forehead.
“Is that what I said?” he chuckles some more and then leans in to kiss the anxious realization away from your lips. 
“Renjun.” you pout and Renjun laughs and takes his beautiful, whiny, kindhearted girlfriend in his arms and hopes that his hold could chase away all the worries from her pretty, brilliant mind.
He kisses you because his heart can’t bear it any longer. How did he manage to hold a heart like yours in his hand?
Renjun feels an indescribable amount of happiness. Like he wasn’t sure that you were really here with him, in his arms, all for him to hold, with no worry or burden afflicting him. The happiness is so immense and so incredible and so heavy that for a moment, he feels it suffocating him. He wonders if he deserved this kind of happiness.
But right in the next moment, he stops himself. He knew how easy it was to relapse into those tempting, lonesome thoughts. But if there was anything that therapy was teaching him, it was that of course he deserved happiness. 
Though right now, holding you in his arms, this happiness was choking him. He felt like his heart was swelling and pressing against his lungs and his chest couldn’t bear it and he could no longer breathe. 
“Y/N…” he exhales, holding you back so he can look at your face and you could look up into his. He pauses to gather another breath. Then, he just says it. “I love you.”
And doing so does the trick. He feels his chest slowly getting lighter, because this is what it had been bursting with. Now, he’s told you. Now, it can be unburdened.
You look up at him and there is nothing but a sparkle in your eye, and tenderness in your smile. For a while, you say nothing, just looking upon his eyes like that. “Thank you.” you finally whisper back at him.
Renjun pauses for a moment. But then, he relaxes. This was okay. You didn’t have to say it back right away. Renjun was ready to give you as much time as you needed. So he presses his lips into your forehead once again till he feels you laughing against him. He pulls back in confusion and you grab at the lapel of his parka.
“Huang Renjun…” you say and he looks back at you with uncertainty, “... I love you, too.”
And Renjun can’t help it if he kisses you too hard. He can’t help it that he’s squeezing you too tight. He wouldn’t care if the night brightens back into morning and the morning fades back into night. He was going to hold you just like this for the rest of his life. 
So he lays you down and kisses you deeper, like he wanted to make up for all the time he had lost. All the time in his life when he hadn’t known you. All the time he had known you and didn’t let himself have you. He was going to make up for it all. And as he zips the tent up and shields you from the rest of the world, he wonders if he could spend all of his days just like this. Holding you and loving you and knowing that you loved him back; and if he could, today was a damn good day to start.
The fire slows to a simmer till all that’s left are embers that keep being carried away by the breeze. But the two of you remain inside, in your own world, happy that you had found one another, happy that you could finally have one another. Happy that you could hold one another and say that you loved each other and have nothing in the world hold you back, not now, not ever.
You were Y/N and Renjun, Renjun and Y/N, two names that were forever intertwined because that’s how people would call you now. You were the couple that belonged so perfectly with one another that people would wonder if you’d been together for years. And any time someone with a burning curiosity would come up to you and ask,
“So, where did you guys meet?” you would just look at one another, smile and say, “Well, we met in online class.”
~THE END
Tumblr media
Copyright © 2021 NeoCultureTravesty. All rights reserved.
376 notes · View notes
basiccortez · 3 years
Note
Hi! If your requests are open could you do a coco x reader where he tells you he loves you for the first time xx
A/N: I am super sorry this is so late!!! I honestly have no reason why this took so long to get around to. But I am so sorry. I have actually been looking into writing to a bigger crowd, i.e. being a gender neutral author. This is my first time writing with a gender neutral character, so please please please, give me feedback on it and ways that I can make my writing better and more inviting to all readers!!
pairing: Coco x Gender!Neutral reader.
warnings: fluffy shit
Tumblr media
He wasn't sure when it first hit him. Was it when you didn't put up with his mother's shit? When you held him after he killed his mother? The fact that you didn't run when seeing what he could do. Or was it when you took in Leti as your own? Doing whatever was possible to make her feel welcome in your home, helping her with school, and even putting forth enough money to help her buy her own car. Or was it when he was hit with a Molotov cocktail and was blinded in one eye? Spending the night by his bed, holding his hand and praying to whatever God was out there that he was going to be okay. Or was it when he was on his last life, and no one, not even the club wanted to deal with him? When he had disappeared for a month and not even his daughter knew where he was. He had shown back up on your doorstep, looking worse for ware, and listened to you as you went in on him about the drugs, running away from the club and getting help, and stealing Leti's iPad, car and college money.
Coco was surprised when you walked into the guest bedroom the next morning after he came stumbling to your door. You looked as beautiful as ever, but also mad as hell.
"I'm sorry-"
"Shut the fuck up." You responded.
"Babe-"
"No, Johnny. Where the hell have you been? Do you know how worried we have been? Me, Leti, even fucking Gilly. Your daughter thought you died. And I actually believed it!" You yelled at him. Coco winced at the sound of your voice.
"I'm sorry. I thought, I thought I could keep things away. The demons and everything. It started with the oxy they gave me after surgery, and just went from there. I'm sorry, I never meant for it to get this bad. I broke the promise."
You looked at the ground and then back up at your boyfriend, "You need to get clean. If I have to take up extra shifts and the hospital I will. Coco, I will spend every cent to make sure you get yourself back together. You get clean here, or I ship your ass of one of those celebrity rehab centers Doctor Drew works at." You said and Coco nodded, "You not only let me down Coco, but you let your daughter down too. You're gonna have to work hard to win that trust back."
Coco took your words to heart, and he did start working hard. And like promised, you never left him alone. You were by his side at 2 AM when he thought bugs were crawling all over his skin. Or in the heat of the day, when he wanted to go for a walk and ended up vomiting in your rose bush. You never left his side. Coco could see past your tough exterior, and saw that your heart was breaking watching the person you care for tear his body apart.
By the third month, Coco finally felt normal. He had replaced his heroine habit for tending to succulents. You and Leti had grown annoyed that your guest room was filled with small green plants, but both agreed it was better than crack. Coco had apologized to his daughter, and agreed to get a job to help her pay for school. He had also reached out to the club, explaining to Bishop what had happened. He knew what could happen, intravenous drug use was against the rules. But Bishop, desperate to fill his table after Steve and Taza, let it go, but still made sure that he was clean.
The last thing he had to do was apologize to you. It wasn't that he hadn't told you he was sorry or how grateful he was, but he knew you deserved more. He wanted to give you more and he was going to do that. He had cleaned the house, done laundry and even decided to get a haircut, knowing how much you loved when his hair was shorter. Coco had gotten Leti to keep you busy, and take you out to for a 'treat yourself' day.
"Thank you, Leti." You said as you dropped Leti off at her friends house, "I can't remember the last time I had a day to myself. I was really needing that back massage."
"I should be thanking you, and everything you did for my dad. I haven't seen him that happy or healthy in months. You really did work your magic."
You smiled to yourself and nodded, "Im just happy you got your dad back."
"I am too. I'll see you later." Leti said and kissed your cheek before heading into her friends house.
You sighed as you sat in front of your house, never knowing what you're about to walk into. You trusted Coco, and trusted that he was staying clean, but you never know. You said a silent prayer, and got out of the car to go inside.
Your breath caught in your throat as you opened the door to bushels of white roses and candles surrounded the living room. The house looked spotless and the vomit stain in the couch had been cleaned.
"What did you do?" You asked your boyfriend.
"I uh. . . I cleaned, and Gaby helped me. I wanted to apologize. For everything. I've been a shit father and an even shittier boyfriend to you. I didn't realize how fucked up I had gotten. I promised you that I wouldn't be like my mother, and I did exactly that. Baby, I never want to be that man again, I love you."
"You love me?" You asked, tears in your eyes, "Johnny, you've never said that."
"I was waiting for the right time. I love you, mi alma." Coco said, grabbing your waist and wiping away fallen tears. He caressed your cheek softly before placing a soft kiss on your lips, the first time he's kissed you in months.
"I love you too, Coco."
56 notes · View notes