#my mom made her april fools 'joke' be something that only worked because it was about something that gives me really bad anxiety and i got

[ff2-soda-pop]

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[remakethestars]

Being Damian Wayne's Twin Sister Would Include:

Headcanons.

❝Exactly. I don't ask my dog to drive, and I don't ask the Justice League to solve my problems.❞

— Damian Wayne, Adventures of the Super Sons #9: Showdown on Hexworld

TRIGGER WARNING: Cursing, (Damian’s) death. Mentions of toxic masculinity and internalized misogyny, nightmares, blood, knives.

Headcanon masterlist.

When people ask you, “So, which one of you is the evil twin?” Damian always glowers, and you always motion to him.

You look disturbingly alike when only your eyes are showing; Damian’s got long lashes. Talia taught you a good tactic for tag-teaming in combat as kids was to pull up your hinged balaclavas and make the enemy think there was only one of you, that they’re seeing double.

Or for one of you to hang back while the other attacks as a distraction before the other knocks them out from behind.

Obviously, this won’t work when the two of you start filling out, but it works when you’re kids. It’s the reason why, even off the field, the two of you usually wear a matching outfits with hoods.

You utilize the same methods when she sends you to live with Bruce.

You don the Robin costume just like he does, much to the rest of the Batfam’s confusion (both because they weren’t expecting it and because they can’t tell you apart either), but sticking with the “red” theme, you go by Redstart.

There’s a rumor on the street that Robin V. is a meta that can teleport.

The two of you are freakishly good at mimicking the other’s voice and mannerisms, which makes it even harder for your family.

Jason tells you two about April Fools Day, and you make the most of it. Of course, Damian’s a pain in the a$$ and decides to go around pretending to be you and getting into trouble. You’re banned from the mall, and you still have no idea why. 

The two of you can communicate with just an impassive expression (Dick says it looks like a prime example of twin telepathy to anyone else), but anyone close to you knows sh¡t’s about to hit the fan when the two of you look at each other and smirk.

If it’s something you can’t communicate nonverbally, you use your cryptophasia. 

Cryptophasia is a language developed by twins when they’re learning to talk. Most of them grow out of it, you and Damian decided to keep developing it so it became more of a conlang. No one else has been taught to speak it, and they never will be. It’s for emergencies only.

Sun Tzu’s The Art of War was your Bible growing up, and the two of you call out verses when you fight together and need the other to understand a tactic (you both inherited Bruce’s eidetic memory, so you’ve got it memorized).

When you get too big to pull off the which-is-which game, you make your own costume and become the true Redstart. 

It’s basically Damian’s Robin uniform (the Super Sons’s version is the only one I’ll accept), but the boots and gloves are black, the biceps have a white stripe, the lining of the cape is white (the lining of the hood is black), the gold accents become white, it has a zipper down the front instead of clasps, and the mask becomes black (including the eyes). The waterline of the eyes is white. Like a painted redstart.

If Damian’s into animals, you’re into plants. The two of you find common ground on the fact that pollution sucks, so when you walk Titus, you take a trash bag and gloves with you to pick up litter as you go.

You did not want to go to Jon’s school. 

Not because you don’t like Jon (because you do), but because you know you could run intellectual circles around every one of those snot-nosed brats. 

School is stupid. Especially because the American education system is subpar; everything about it is.

You hardly pay attention in class. You do all of the homework a week ahead of time incase something comes up. Usually you’re doing next week’s homework in class. You’ve written entire papers on your phone in Google Docs in the middle of class to be printed out later.

If you’ve already done everything, Damian’s usually drawing and you’re daydreaming or you’re working on a case on your phone.

The teachers are always trying to catch you not paying attention, but you little sh¡ts can always answer their questions. 

Damian’s closest with Dick, but you’re closest with Tim. You admire his ability to plan ahead (see the entirety of the Red Robin comics), and you know that he’s better than both your father and your grandfather; you want to be as good as him when you grow up.

It takes a long time to wash the toxic masculinity and internalized misogyny our of your head, to learn that your grandfather’s ideas of “strength” were wrong, that it’s okay to lean on someone besides Damian, that you can be just as strong as your brother and still be feminine, that there are acceptable emotions besides anger.

Actually, your father teaches you that anger is more likely to get you killed. He won’t let you go into the field when he knows your angry.

It’s harder to drill out of you than your instinct to kill.

There’s a Lebanese restaurant called Tarbooshes (Teen Titans Special #1) the two of you go to when you’re feeling homesick. They make ox blood soup the same way your mother did, and it’s the only non-vegetarian thing Damian will eat for that very reason.

It’s nice to have a place to go where they know you by name and know what you want when you tell them “the usual.” It’s nice to have a place where you’re not a Wayne or an Al Ghul, where you’re just [Y/N] and Damian.

You disappear for an hour on your birthday to eat there. Bruce has asked you were you go, but you kept that between the two of you. 

Speaking of birthdays, you’re eleven minutes older than him. He was six pounds and ten ounces (Batman & Robin #0?), and you were a solid seven.

After Damian died, you go to Tarbooshes to feel close to him.

You were doing all right with the no-killing thing until the night Damian died.

Heretic never stood a chance.

He looked so much like Damian it gave you nightmares, though. Nightmares where you killed your twin brother and woke up sobbing.

Damian didn’t give you a speech in his last moments. He just looked over at you and said in your cryptophasia, “I’m sorry.” 

Not “I love you.” Not “Take care of them for me.” You knew that; you’d do that. He didn’t have to tell you, and he didn’t have to ask.

Just “I’m sorry.” Sorry that you were the one that was left behind.

It’s one thing to lose a family member, to lose a friend, or to lose a lover. It’s another to lose half of your soul.

The two of you had always feared you would die apart. It had always been a possibility; you weren’t stupid enough to think, “It’ll never happen to me.” Because it definitely could. 

And it had.

You wanted to run away from everything. Even just for a while. Go to one of your safe houses in London or France or whatever and just — you didn’t know — stare at the wall until you felt better? But you’d made that unspoken promise to Damian — “I’ll take care of them for you; don’t worry.” — to take care of Titus and Catfred and Jerry and Batcow and Goliath, to take care of Alfred and Bruce and Dick and Jason and Cassandra and Tim, to take care of Jon and Colin and Maps.

You avoided the cave. And if you had to go down there for some reason, you refused to look at the Robin suits.

Dick noticed. He asked if you wanted them taken down, even just for a while. You gave him a look like he was nuts and said, “No.”

Jon was a mess. More of a mess than you were, somehow. 

You’d shown up at the Kents’s. Jon was out doing Superboy things with Clark and Conner. Lois was the only one home.

You nearly scared her out of her skin when you materialized behind her and asked, “Is Jon home? It’s important.” 

He had to know first. He deserved to.

For all he put up with from you two, he deserved to be the first to know when one of you was f*cking dead.

Lois, of course, bless her heart, had the mom instincts to know that you were in no way, shape, or form okay even when you were trying so hard to hold yourself together. She asked you what’s wrong, and it’s what made you break. 

Your lip trembled. “He’s gone.”

“Who’s gone?”

“Damian,” your voice broke. “He’s dead.” 

Jon came home to find you in his living room in your Robin uniform, covered in Damian’s and Heretic’s blood, snot running down your lip, sobbing in his mothers arms and knew what happened without having to ask. He did anyway.

When you and Jon both finally passed out, your Uncle Clark flew you back to the Batcave. No one was in any condition — not even Alfred — so he carried you up to your room; took your boots, mask, cape, and gloves off; and tucked you in. Then he went to find Bruce because there was no doubt he was losing it too.

Bruce doesn’t tell you anything about trying to find a way to bring him back without the Lazarus pit because he doesn’t want to get your hopes up. 

You walk into your room one day to find Damian sitting there reading the dissertation (the requirement was three pages, not 120, but your teacher would just have to deal with your coping mechanisms) you had been working on for your World History class and left up on your laptop while on patrol. 

He said with the utmost indifference, “You’ve made some good points, Sister,” and, of course, you pulled out a knife and attacked him because this was — was — was some shapeshifting alien or hologram tech or a cruel joke — your twin was dead, this wasn’t funny, whoever did this was going to pay.

He met you blow-for-blow and flipped away from you before saying, “And here I was expecting a warm welcome,” in your cryptophasia. 

“Brother?” 

“Tt. Obviously.” 

Yeah, a college level thesis. You’re smart. You inherited Bruce’s eidetic memory and were raised by assassins.

You learned seven languages and wrote five doctoral theses by the time your teeth came in, wrote your first letter to a newspaper editor when you were two, could’ve had a geology doctorate when you were seven (Super Sons #1), and it only took you a week to learn the language on Takron-Galtos. You’re smart.

You’re also incredibly skilled. You learned to drive when you were five (Super Sons #1), your mother trained you to go for weeks without eating (Adventures of the Super Sons #6), you can micro-sleep for days and converse with half your brain asleep, can use a muscular contraction to move your liver out of the way of a blade (Nightwing #20), and can place yourself in a deep trance to heal damages caused by a hematoma (also #20).

(My dumba$$ didn’t note what Super Sons/Adventure of the Super Sons comic I was reading when I took notes, so I don’t have all of them noted in the two above bullet points. But that’s where they’re from. If I end up rereading them, I’ll edit this and add the comic numbers.)

The first time on patrol you thought Bruce was gonna die, you called him Baba. 

The next evening, when Dick came to visit the cave, he turned to you and Damian and asked, “So, which one of you called him Dad?” 

“How’d you know?” you asked. 

“He’s smiling the way he did the day I called him Tati.”

“He’s not smiling,” Damian pointed out.

“He is on the inside.”

Can we talk about how royally the Arkham Knights game screwed up Tim Drake? (Though, everything seems to screw up Tim one way or another, I guess.) Why does he look like a quidditch player in the gif above the cut?

Visit my headcanon masterlist.

DISCLAIMER ━━━ I’m a dumb white American, and I don’t know much about Arab or Romani culture other than what I’ve learned online. I hope I got it right?? If I didn’t, please drop a comment or P.M. me or something to let me know!

[reidamancy]

a little different || bau

summary: You are on your way to meet the BAU, who are just... a little different than what you’re used to. (reader & bau)

category: fluff

warnings: none

word count: 1k

a/n: hi guys!!! sorry i haven’t posted in forever!!! school has just been so busy :P anyways, this is ‘a little different’ (haha!) from what i usually write, but i hope you enjoy this short and sweet little fic! plz be kind i’m nervous >.<

MASTERLIST

The sun shined softly through the crisp, white curtains, signaling the start of a new day. Birds chirped happily outside the window; and the house was an eery quiet; maybe today could be a good day after all. 

I let out a sigh and got up, passing the mirror on the way to the bathroom. My long, golden locks cascaded perfectly down my back even though I just woke up. I’m just that perfect. My blue/green/gray orbs stared back at me in the mirror. I let out a sigh and put my hair into a messy bun; I could not deal with it today. 

As I was getting ready, I heard my mom yell, “Y/N!! Get down here NOW!”

Ugh, I hated her.

I made my way downstairs to see what she wanted, but there was a man standing in our kitchen. 

“Um, who is this?” I asked.

“He is your new owner.” My mom replied. 

“Owner?!”

He stepped forward and introduced himself, “Aaron Hotchner, FBI.” He extended his hand for a handshake but I looked at it with disgust.

My mom scowled at me, “Be nice to Agent Hotchner, Y/N, I just sold you to the BAU.”

“You sold me?!”

“Uh, yeah, I just said that.” She waved her hand, “Take her out of my sight.”

Agent Hotchner nodded and said, “Follow me,” as he passed by me.

Wow, I could not believe this.

He led me to his car and told me he was going to introduce me to the rest of the BAU. 

“What is a BAU?” I asked.

“The Behavioral Analysis Unit. Your new owners.”

I scoffed.

“Just so you know, we are... a little different. But we own you now so there’s no escape from us.”

I rolled my eyes, and plugged my earbuds into my iPod and looked out the window the rest of the ride.

When we arrived at the FBI building, I followed Agent Hotchner to a small room with six other people sitting at a table. Their eyes followed me as I slowly sat down in the empty seat.

“Y/N, meet the BAU.” Agent Hotchner said. “This is Rossi,” he gestured towards an older Italian man.

“I have the money and power to kill you and make it look like an accident. But I won’t, even though I should, because it won’t be good for the plot.” Rossi said.

That’s a bit weird, but I’m just gonna go along with it.

“He’s a mafia boss,” Agent Hotchner clarified.

Rossi nodded, “And I’ve infiltrated the FBI, which means all these agents,” he gestured around, “work for me.”

“Okay then.” I nodded, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“And this,” Hotch moved on, “is Agent Morgan. He’s supernatural.”

“...What do you mean supernatural?” I asked.

Morgan leaned forward and slyly said, “You know, vampire. Werewolf. Ghost. Fairy. Warlock. All of the above.”

“Wow. That’s hot.” I said. Omg, did I say that out loud?!

He smirked at me, and I knew that even though he was much more powerful than me and could probably kill me, that didn’t stop my heart from fluttering when he looked at me. I could feel this weird supernatural bond with him, and I had this trust in him, that he would never hurt me, even if it’s in his nature to. But in the end, he’d probably turn me into whatever creature he is so we can live peacefully together forever. But I swear, we could be happy as human and supernatural <3

Agent Hotchner then pointed to the woman sitting next to Morgan. “This is Agent Prentiss.”

She frowned at me, and I rolled my eyes back at her. It was obvious she hated me but she was so hot. The tension between us was so thick and we couldn’t stand to be in the same room together. Maybe there will be an incident one day where we reveal the most vulnerable parts of ourselves and she will be the only one I come to trust </3 I knew in time she would warm up to me and even though she hates me right now, perhaps later we will be... lovers?

“Next to her is JJ,” Hotch announced.

A blonde woman came over and hugged me, “Hi, sweetie, I’m your mom!”

“Um, no you’re not.” I said. My mom literally sold me to her.

“In an alternate universe I am, silly!” She booped my nose.

An awkward silence filled the air.

“You know, in another alternate universe you could have been sold to, I don’t know, One Direction or something.” JJ laughed.

I laughed with her. Wow, she’s so crazy.

Hotch cleared his throat. “And this, is-” I turned to where he was pointing and gasped.

“Spencer?!”

“Y/N, hi.” He quietly said.

I walked over and gave my childhood friend a hug. “I haven’t seen you in so long!” I exclaimed. After giving him a tight squeeze, I released him, only to see his cheeks tinged a bright pink. He only blushed like that when he had a crush. Could we become childhood friends... to lovers?

“And lastly,” Hotch said. “This is Penelope Garcia, your-”

“Soulmate!” She finished for him. “See our matching tattoos! And I can hear your thoughts! And you can hear mine! And if we write on our skin, the other person can see it! And we can feel each other’s pain! Isn’t that so cool!”

Yeah!! I thought.

“I know right!!” She responded out loud.

Omg she really is my soulmate.

I smiled at her and gave her a hug.

Most people would probably think it’s really weird to be sitting at a table with a mafia boss, a werewolf/vampire/whatever, an enemy, a childhood friend, a mom from an alternate universe, and soulmate, but I am NOT like other girls so I was completely okay with it. I’m also okay with the fact that my actual mom sold me to the FBI. Because I hate her.

I looked up at Hotch. “So what are you?”

"Me? I’m just your normal FBI boss. And we’ve got a case.”

“A case?? I’m not trained for the FBI!”

“You will be. Wheels up in 30.”

...

APRIL FOOL’S!!

haha, if you couldn’t tell by now, this entire “fic” was my little april fool’s joke :’) i tried to squeeze every wattpad trope in to this monstrosity of a fanfiction and i wish i could say i hated writing it but it was honestly pretty funny... even tho it’s so, so painful to read. anyways, sorry if you were expecting an actual fic, i am trying my best to work on my wips but until then check out my masterlist (with writing that is much better than this)! <3

[iamtrebleclefstories]

I believe in second chances - part seven

teasing friends and wedding dates

hi, it’s been a minute. life got crazy busy and I had major writers block. if you need a refresher on what happened previously, go check out my master list

—Part 7—

“Wow, you clean up nicely,” Meredith teased as she walked into the attendings lounge to find Alex getting ready for the wedding.

“He’s taking Wilson with him to Bailey’s wedding,” Jackson shot a sly smile over their way. “That’s why he keeps fiddling with his tie.”

“Shut up,” Alex grumbled as he straightened his tie for the fifth time.

“Aww he’s nervous,” April laughed as she fastened her earrings. “How sweet. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this flustered, Karev.”

“I’m not nervous,” Alex furrowed his brow and smoothed down his jacket. “I just want to look nice. Is that so bad?”

“Oh, he’s totally nervous,” Cristina snickered. “Twenty bucks says he makes a fool out of himself tonight.”

“Nah, I think he’s gonna get laid tonight,” Jackson’s lips curved up into a grin.

“Will you guys shut up already?” Alex huffed, annoyed at their constant meddling. “We’re going as friends. I already told you guys. I’m not rushing anything, I’m not pushing anything. And my goal isn’t to get into her pants.”

“I hate this mature, sappy side of you,” Cristina scowled in disgust. “You’re no fun anymore. What happened to filthy, diseased, manwhore Alex?”

“He fell in love,” Alex replied simply, gaining a slew of raised eyebrows and surprised looks from his friends.

“Woah he actually said it. He admitted that he’s in love with her,” April’s jaw dropped.

“Pay up, Avery,” Cristina extended her hand. “I told you he was gonna say it.”

“You guys suck,” Alex glared at them and stood up from the chair and walked towards the door. “I’m leaving. I’ll see you guys at the wedding.”

Alex walked out of the attendings lounge and over to the intern locker room, palms sweating. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. It wasn’t as if he and Jo hadn’t spent alone time together. They’d gone out to the bar and for pizza after work multiple times. This wasn’t anything they hadn’t done previously. Even in the before, when Jo and Alex weren’t nearly as close as they were now, the concept of the two of them going out alone wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. But for some reason, Alex couldn’t slow the hammering of his heart as he approached the locker room.

Straightening his tie one more time and clearing his throat, Alex walked into the room. He felt his breath hitch in his throat as Jo walked out of the bathroom and mooted out her dress. Jo’s eyes widened as she saw Alex waiting in the doorway, dressed up in suit and tie, fidgeting nervously.

She blushed lightly when she noticed his staring, “You clean up nicely.”

“Thanks,” Alex smiled bashfully. “You… you look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Jo’s cheeks flushed at the compliment.

They stood there awkwardly for a second before Alex shook himself from his thoughts and spoke, “You ready to go?”

“Uh, yeah. I’m ready,” Jo answered and grabbed her purse, walking out the door Alex held open. “So… Bailey’s actually getting married today.”

“Yup,” Alex nodded.

“Guess that means the interns should stop calling her booty-call Bailey. Since she’s going to be a married woman and all,” Jo chuckled slightly.

Alex let out a snort. He’d forgotten about the nickname the interns had given Bailey his first year as a fellow, “Yeah… might be a good idea.”

*****

“Dude go talk to her,” Jackson urged Alex. “She’s been sitting at the bar alone for the last twenty minutes. You need to go over there before one of the groomsmen tries to pick her up and take her home tonight.

Alex shot Jackson a glare, “Shut up, no one is going to take her home tonight except me.” His eyes widened when realized how that sentence sounded. “I mean… I’m going to, I just… I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to say.”

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to seeing you like this,” April took another sip of her wine. “Just have a conversation with her like a normal human being. Jackson is right. You can’t sit here forever.”

“I know that,” Alex groaned when April and Jackson’s pagers went off.

“Well, it looks like you’re going to have to go talk to her now because we are leaving,” Jackson smirked and held out his hand for April to follow him.

“Good luck Romeo,” April waved as she and Jackson walked away.

Alex exhaled and made his way over to the bar where Jo was sulking. Burying his hands in his pockets and plastering a nervous smile on his face, he motioned for the bartender, “Beer for me and another round for Hobo Jo. Let me guess… Thunderbird? Or is it straight paint thinner?” He grinned at the bartender. “You got a little brown paper bag you can put that in?”

“Stop that,” Jo rolled her eyes as a smile creeped its way onto her face. “I had no parents. I lived in my car. But you can’t exactly say you’re any better, “Mr. I went to juvie.’”

“Shut up,” Alex laughed. “At least you didn’t have to see your schizo mom go after your baby brother with a steak knife. Which reminds me - I should call and check on them. It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, that might be a good idea,” Jo hummed. She looked down at the drink in her hand. “Where did Kepner and Avery go? I thought you were talking with them at the table.”

“They got paged for a trauma,” Alex answered.

“Do we have to go?” Jo stood up from the chair. “Let’s go.”

“Oh no,” Alex guided Jo back to her seat. “You don’t get to practice medicine with booze in your system. Besides, you’re on peds and we’re not needed.”

“But I wanted to get in on a cool trauma surgery,” Jo pouted.

“If you keep drinking like that, you’ll be the trauma case,” Alex quipped, eliciting a playful glare from Jo. “After this, no more paint thinner. I’ll buy you a couple beers, though. I know your limit on those.”

“Kill joy,” Jo responded and ordered a round of tequila shots, leaving Alex to stare in disbelief. “Oh come on, do at least one round of shots with me. I’m much more fun to be around when I’m drunk anyway.”

“Call me crazy, but I prefer you sober,” Alex pushed the shot glasses the bartender had placed in front of them away from Jo.

“Alex. Please,” Jo looked at him with wide eyes and stuck out her bottom lip.

“Really? Puppy dog eyes. You’re seriously going to go there?” Alex gave her an unimpressed look.

“Is it working?”

Not being able to say no to that face, Alex relented, "Fine. But only one round of shots and no more. I don't feel like throwing you over my shoulder and hauling your drunk ass out of here tonight."

"Why not? That sounds like fun," Jo's eyes shined brightly.

"Shut up," Alex rolled his eyes.

*****

"Oh my God, did you see his face?" Jo held her stomach as she cackled. "It was priceless. And your face! Your face when he walked in was hilarious."

"And then you threw the vodka shots at him," Alex wiped a couple tears. "Oh man… I haven't laughed like that in years."

It was true, the first time he'd experienced breaking into a stranger's hotel room in the before had been hilarious, but this time around was somehow funnier than he remembered it. Maybe it's because he knew Jo better in this reality. Knowing who she was made it easier to laugh with her and be himself.

Something that he was reminded of since waking up in this timeline was that he never had to be afraid to be himself with Jo. In this timeline as well as the previous one, she had immediately accepted him for who he was. It was an overwhelming realization. Before Jo, no one had simply accepted him for who he was and not who they wanted him to be. Sure his friends accepted him--eventually--but It wasn't without trying to change him first before realizing that this was who he was.

He fought the desire to just pull Jo into his arms and kiss her. He couldn't do that. Not when everything that happened in this timeline depended on the decisions he made going forward.

Still, Alex couldn't help himself as he stared at Jo who sat at the Kitchen island with a carefree smile on her face. So, he finally made his move, "Let's go out today. We both have off, we should do something fun, go somewhere nice.”

"Why would we go out when we can laze around and do nothing here?" Jo reached out for a banana that was in the bowl in front of her. "Besides, going out during the day isn't really our thing. If we go out it's usually for drinks after work and we inevitably end up back here and sit on the couch watching bad TV and joking around for hours until we fall asleep. Plus, I don't even want to think about alcohol after last night. And I definitely do not want to see the state of my liver."

Alex shook his head, "I'm not asking you to get day drunk with me. I'm asking you to go out with me."

Jo's jaw dropped and the banana in her hands fell onto the counter and her eyes looked as though they might bulge out of her skull at any second. She opened and closed her mouth a couple times before speaking, "Oh… You mean a… Oh!" She blinked at him a few times. "Alex… I'm just… I come with a lot of baggage--"

"I know, and that's okay," Alex assured her.

" I'm- I'm not ready to be with anyone yet," Jo attempted to let him down gently. "I like you, I really do. You're probably my best friend. But I need to fix my mess first. One day soon, I'll do it. I'll fix the mess in my brain and I'll be ready."

"Okay," Alex nodded. "Well, I'll be here when you are."

If Jo needed any confirmation or indicator as to what kind of man Alex was, that one comment was enough to crush any doubts she may have had about his character.

"You'd really do that? You'd wait?" She asked.

"Look, I'm going to say something that might freak you out a little because you get squirrely when you're scared, but Jo… I want you and I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait my whole damn life for you because you're worth it. You’re worth being waited on," Alex sighed, eyes softening at the woman sitting across from him. "For now, we're whatever you want us to be. You're taking the lead."

"Let's go out," Jo shrugged. "I mean, we're friends, right? We can still go out. Friends go out with each other."

"Yeah," Alex replied casually. "We can do that."

"Okay."

[summahsunlight]

All For You, Part 11

Rating: T

Word Count: 1.6k+

Pairing: Poe Dameron X Pilot!Reader

Summary: Your life in the Resistance was not easy, being married to Commander Poe Dameron and a skilled pilot yourself. When you unexpectedly get pregnant, your life is forever changed. Raising a child on base is hard, but never having parents of your own as a child, you are determined to love your little girl and give her the best life. Poe is equally as devoted to you and your daughter, vowing to keep you both safe from the impending threat of the First Order.

Taglist: @thescarletknight2014, @elmoakepoke, @xxidontwikeitxx, @liadamerondjarin, @marvelofwitch, @blushingwueen, @april-14-blog, @agents-assemble, @paintballkid711, @softly-sad​, @badbitxhbuckybarnes​

Taglist is still open! Just let me know if you want to be added! I didn’t get the chance to proof read it (I’ll go back later and do that) I just really, really, really wanted to get some  more writing out there to you guys!  Happy reading🥰❤️

Emmy gurgled, happily, while sitting in the sink for her bath. Poe smiled at her when she began to wildly splash and you were quickly covered in soapy water. “Troublemaker,” you grumbled at your daughter, “just like your daddy.”

Poe glared at you, but only half-heartedly. He could never get mad at you when you were taking care of Emmy, when you were just being a mom. He would imagine his own mother taking care of him as a child when he looked at you with Emmy. 

Taking the baby out of the bath water, you gently wrapped her in a towel. She hated being cold and whimpered.  “Here, take her for a second,” you instructed your husband, handing him Emmy. “I left her clothes on the bed.”

“C’mere sweetheart,” Poe said, sweetly to the baby. “Daddy will keep you nice and warm while Mama gets your clothes.”

“Daddy will keep you warm because he’s a human furnace.”

“Don’t let her fool you--she likes how warm I am.”

Emmy smiled, broadly at him and he felt himself falling in love with his baby girl all over again. Poe pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. He’d been gone for a long time this last mission, and while his daughter had settled down when he did leave, it still broke his heart every time. He just wanted to be here with you and Emmy--but he knew in order to keep you both safe, he had to leave from time to time. 

Returning with Emmy clothes, you offered to get her dressed, but Poe wasn’t ready to give her up yet. “I’ll do it,” he said, softly. “We have a lot of time to make up for since I’ve been gone.”

You stood back and watched as Poe took care of the baby. “She missed you, Poe,” you simply said. “It’s crazy but she has this...sense...that you’re not around.”

“I wish I didn’t have to leave so much.”

“There are times that Leia is going to let you say no.”

Poe shook his head and sighed, finishing up dressing Emmy.  He gathered the baby back into his arms and gently hugged her. “I can’t, sweetheart, you know that. I want this galaxy to be safe for you and Emmy.”

Softly you wrapped your arms around his waist and pressed an even softer kiss against his shoulder blade. “I know,” you said, holding back tears. You loved this man so much for his dedication to you, to Emmy--to making the galaxy a safe place for your daughter. It hurt how guilty he felt leaving, knowing that he had no choice. “Someday, she’ll understand.”

Emmy sighed and snuggled against Poe’s shoulder. He rubbed her back and smiled. “Someone is sleepy,” he stated before moving out of your embrace and heading towards the baby’s crib.  He softly sang to her, her little cooed of content filling the quarters. In no time, Emmy was fast asleep. 

“She still hates it when I sing.”

“Sorry, baby, I’m not sure that will ever change.”

“That’s probably true.”

He pulled you close to him, his lips seeking yours out in a lingering kiss. Often times when he kissed you like this, you liked to tease him that this was how they ended up with Emmy--but not tonight. He’d been away for so long that you were just longing for his touch, his arms around you, and even if this only led to him cuddling with you in bed while he worked on his latest report. You’d missed him.

You hummed in contentment as effortless carried you to your bed. Placing you down, Poe brushed his lips across yours once again. “I’m gonna go get started on that report--you go to sleep, sweetheart.”

Pouting, you pulled on his arm. “I was hoping you’d work on your report here in bed, that way I can cuddle with you and you can keep me warm.”

Poe smiled at you and grabbed his data pad. Once the two of you were situated underneath the thin sheets, he proceeded to get his work done while your head rested on his chest. He noticed that you were trying to stay awake and talk to him, but your eyes kept growing heavier and heavier. “Baby, please sleep. You must be exhausted from having to care for Emmy all by yourself while I was away.”

“I had help from Rose,” you said, yawning.”

“Sweetheart. Sleep. Now--that’s an order,” he teased.

There was no argument from you--you had already fallen asleep.

-------

At some point in the middle of the night Emmy woke up screaming. It wasn’t her normal cry, it sounded like she was in pain and when you stumbled to her crib you horrified to find her covered in sweat and running a fever. “Poe!” you gasped, carrying the hysterical infant to your bed. “Poe! Something’s wrong! Wake up!”

Poe groggily opened his eyes and blinked the sleep from them when he saw you standing there with Emmy in your arms. “What...what’s going on?”

Emmy continued to scream over your own hysterical cries. “She’s got a fever! And she’s...maker, Poe, she sounds like she’s in pain!”

“Okay, okay, calm down, sweetheart,” Poe said, scrambling out of bed. 

“Calm down!” you shouted at him. “Our baby is sick!”

“And we’ll take her to see the medics.”

“What if something is really wrong?”

Sighing, Poe reached out and took Emmy from you. Wiping the baby’s tears, he rested her against his shoulder and rubbed her back. “Babies get sick. The medics can probably give us something to help with the fever.”

You chewed on your lower lip. Emmy had never been sick and she had been perfectly fine when she had gone to sleep that night. “I just...”

“I know,” Poe said, softly. He gazed at you lovingly. “Let’s go to the med bay. Okay? It’s gonna be fine, sweetheart.”

“Are you talking to me or the baby?” you quip with a sniffle as he leads you down the corridor towards the med bay.

“Both of you, actually. One of us has to be calm.”

“I am calm.”

Poe threw you a look.

You adverted his gaze. “I’m calm now.”

The nurse knew you were coming--the entire base could probably hear Emmy crying. She tried to coax the baby to come to her but Emmy only sobbed louder if it was even hinted at her father having to release her. “Commander,” the nurse finally said, “maybe you can sit on the examine table with her.”

Watching as Poe sat down, you nervously rocked back and forth on your heels. Every time the nurse got close to your daughter, poking and prodding her, you grew even more anxious--especially when Emmy reacted so terrified. Poe did his best to comfort her but she was having none of that. “Is she okay?” you finally sputtered when you could no longer take the nurse’s silence.

“She’s teething.”

“Teething?”

“Yep. Looks like she’s cut two teeth.”

Poe kissed the baby’s tears away. “Aw, my poor princess. Is there anything we can give her?”

The nurse handed him a cold teething ring and then suggested giving the baby some pain reliever to help her with her fever and help her sleep. 

You weren’t convinced it was just teeth coming in. “Are you sure it’s just teeth?”

“It’s just teeth,” the nurse laughed as she coaxed Emmy to swallow the medicine. “Give her that teething ring to chew on when she’s awake. You can keep it in a chiller unit to keep it cold--if you need more just come see us. Doctor Kalonia ordered some on the last supply run in anticipation that this was coming.”

“I told you it was going to be fine,” Poe said, rising off the cot. He thanked the nurse and giving the teething ring for Emmy to chew on, he headed back towards your quarters. 

Emmy wasn’t screaming anymore; that was a positive. It was still obvious that she was in pain and not feeling well. Upon returning to your quarters, Poe offered to lay with her so you could sleep. You wanted to argue but knew that Emmy would want her father right now--so you let him lay down on the small couch with the baby--but you didn’t sleep. 

Poe softly spoke to Emmy while he continued to rub her back, soothingly. Emmy’s screams and cries had turned into small whimpers. “I know it hurts,” Poe whispered, “I promise, baby girl, it won’t hurt forever. Daddy is gonna take care of you, okay? We’re gonna get through this together.”

Shifting in the bed, you called out to him, “Poe, if we’re in this together...come lie in bed with me.”

“She’ll keep you up.”

“She’s keeping me up already.”

Carefully, Poe rose from the sofa and went to lie down with you in the bed. He gently laid Emmy between the two of you. She fussed for a bit and then eagerly chomping on her teething ring, began to fall back to sleep. And while it took Emmy only a few seconds to fall back to sleep once the medicine had kicked in, it too you and Poe much, much longer.

--------

“Don’t take this the wrong way--but you look terrible.”

“Thanks, Snap.”

Snap quirked an eyebrow. “Rough night?”

Karé nearly choked on her caf. “Rough night? You didn’t hear Emmy screaming last night?” When Snap shook his head, she rolled her eyes. “Maker you’ll sleep through anything.”

He ignored her comments and looked concernedly at Poe. “Is everything alright with Emmy?”

Poe nodded and downed his third cup of caf. “Yeah. She’s teething. Who knew that it was so painful for babies.  I just kinda thought they appeared one day! She’s miserable, Snap and it breaks my heart.”

“Being a father had made him a big ole softy,” Karé teased.

“True. He never cared when I had a toothache,” Snap joked.

“You are not a baby and you’re not my kid,” Poe threw at him. 

“Speaking of the little lady--where is she now?”

“Y/N took her to get more pain reliever.”

Karé’s gaze softened. “Poe, she’ll be okay.”

Poe sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “I know... it just...I felt helpless. I couldn’t take the pain away. All I could do was hold her and rub her back.”

Snap grinned. “Which I’m sure she was fine with. Come on, Poe, you did what you could do. Stop being so hard on yourself.”

“You sound like my wife.”

“Well, we’ve flown with each for a long time now...it was bound to happen.”

“Hey!” Jessika suddenly yelled across the mess hall. “The General wants us!”

Poe, Karé and Snap exchanged glances before scrambling to their feet. If General Organa wanted to see them so soon after returning from a mission something big must have happened.

[bigassheart]

Updated TUA Timeline

A little over a year ago, Aidan posted a timeline for the events of the Umbrella Academy on his Instagram. I posted it on this blog at the time and promised I was going to update my TUA Timeline post with that info. Never did. But I am now! So, here it is. The updated TUA Timeline.

Also, there will obviously be spoilers, so don’t read this if you haven’t watched season 1.  

October 1st, 1989 - The Umbrella Academy kids are born.

1993 - Grace Joins the family. This is according to Aidan’s Timeline. Depending on the time of the year, the kids would be 3 or 4 when this happens. This may or may not be when the kids get names. 

1993/1994 - Vanya forgets about her powers. Vanya also trains with Reginald and is subsequently made to forget about her powers around this time. Though we don’t get a specific date or length of time that Vanya trains, the flashbacks don’t appear to show her training for a super long time. I think a good guess would be less than a year for this training, putting Vanya’s age at 4. (This also matches up with the casting for the young Vanya and young Allison roles, which I used previously to estimate this age/date)

1997/1998 - Klaus is locked in the mausoleum for the first time. I am basing this on the casting for the role of young Klaus, which has him at 8 years old.    However, it’s not quite that simple, because when Klaus is talking to his dad in episode 7, he says that his dad locked him in the mausoleum when he was 13. Complicating matters even further, there is a post somewhere out there that took a screen shot of Reginald’s journal with notes about locking Klaus in the mausoleum. (I have not been able to find that post again, so if anyone knows the one I’m talking about and has a link, I would love to put it in here). The date recorded on those notes is 2001. (I don’t remember the month, but I think it was summer) That would have made him 11 years old. It’s possible that this was just an inconsistency in the writing. Or it’s possible that Reginald locked Klaus in a mausoleum on at least 3 different occasions at age 8, 11, and 13. Possibly more. 

2001/2002 - The Umbrella Academy stops a Robbery  I’m basing this on the fact that all the same actors were used for these scenes as were used in the scene where Five leaves, so they can’t be much more than a year younger than that. 

November 10, 2002 - Five leaves the Academy  According to Pogo in episode 1, Five has been gone for 16 years, 4 months, and 14 days. The date in that episode is March 24th, 2019 (according to Vanya). That means that Five disappeared on November 10th, 2002, a little more than a month after the Umbrella Academy kids all turned 13. (This date is also confirmed on Aidan’s timeline)

(Side-note. Remember when Klaus mentions being locked in the mausoleum when he was 13? That means it probably happened not too long after Five disappeared. Holy Fuck Regi!)

2006(?) - Ben Dies OK, this is only a guess, BUT it’s a good one and if you scroll down to the additional notes at the bottom, you’ll see why. 

2014 - Vanya publishes her book In episode 3, we learn that Vanya wrote her book 5 years earlier. (when they were 24) At this point, Ben is already dead and Luthor has not had his accident yet.

2014/2015 - Luther has his accident We’re not sure how long it takes Regi to send Luther to the moon after his accident (days? weeks? months?) so all we really know is that the accident happens sometime between Vanya publishing her book and the moon trip.

2015 - Luther goes to the moon In episode 6, Luther says that he was on the moon for 4 years, making him about 25 years old when he left. Aidan’s timeline also confirms that Luther went to the moon in 2015. 

March 24th, 2019 - Reginald’s Funeral We know this because they tell Five the exact date. 

April 1st, 2019 - Apocalypse (Dear Commission: Worst April Fools joke ever). 

This Brings us to the present. The members of the Umbrella Academy are all 29, except for Five, who is 58, and Klaus, who spent 10 months in Vietnam and is therefore 30 now. 

Additional Notes on the Timeline: 

Five in the Future Five finds Delores pretty soon after the apocalypse (again, same actor, so I’m figuring a year leeway at most). He tells Klaus that he was with Delores for 30 years. That would make him about 43 when The Handler shows up. When Five gets back to the present, he gives a very specific amount of time he has been gone: 45 years. This means he spent 15 years working for the Comission, making him 58 at this point. Five also traveled through history extensively while working for the commission. His last mission had something to do with the Kennedy assassination, which would put him in 1963.  (Quick note on this one - Someone commented on this post a while back with a correction and I was going to go back and do more research so I could correct these numbers, but now I can’t find the post and it’s been so long that I can’t remember what the correction was. So, if these numbers look off, let me know and I will fix it)

1968 - Klaus travels back in time to the Vietnam War Historical Context: This is 3 years after the first American troops arrived in Vietnam and 5 years after Kennedy was assassinated. Nixon was elected in 1968. This was also the year of the Tet Offensive, a massive campaign by the North Vietnamese Army to push the US troops out of the country and ferment rebellion among the South Vietnamese people. This was the big turning point in the war and marked the beginning of the US troops’ defeat. This was also the year of the My Lai Massacre, where the US Army murdered more than 500 civilians in the city of My Lai. This incident was covered up for a year before the American press found out about it.  

Finally, the reasoning behind my guess that 2006 is the year Ben died: 

Klaus mentions that Ben died “young and tragic”

Everyone left the house after Ben died, according to Vanya.

In episode 3, Alison says that they left their mom alone for 13 years. (13 years ago, they would have been 16) We don’t know how quickly everyone left, if it took days, weeks, or even years, so it’s possible that 13 years ago was when Alison left specifically. It could be that everyone was gone by that date. Or it could be that this is when everyone started leaving. 

Diego mentions moving out at 17. Again, everyone left after Ben died, so it would have happened before that. 

Ben’s statue does not have a date on it, but obviously he would have had to be at least the same age as he is depicted there.

We also have the following portraits sequence in episode 1 that was used to show Five’s disappearance and Ben’s death. Here are all 4 portraits.

Portrait 1 is done when they are all 12 or 13 years old. Everyone looks about the same age in portrait 2, so I’m assuming it Reginald had it commissioned right after Five disappeared. It would therefore make sense that portrait 4 was done right after Ben died. There are clearly several years age difference between portraits 2 and 3. It also looks like there may be another year or so age difference between portraits 3 and 4. Because of this, I would argue that the children are at least 15 years old in the final portrait. Therefore, Ben dies at age 15 or 16.

Last bit of evidence is Aidan’s timeline. Now, the year for Ben’s death is blacked out, BUT we can see the general shape of the numbers. The first number is clearly a 2, so we know that it’s not just a bunch of 0′s as a place holder. The last two numbers are rounded at the top and the bottom. In the font they are using, that gives us these possible years: 2003, 2006, 2008, 2009. 

The placement between 2002 and 2015 is just a little past the middle point, so at first I figured that would mean the year was 2009. HOWEVER, that would mean he died at age 20. The other kids definitely don’t look 20 in the portrait after Ben dies and this doesn’t match up with the comments Allison and Diego make about leaving when they were still in their teens. Also, if you look at the timeline for earlier years, the same space between dates is used across the board, whether those dates are 4 years apart or 9 years apart. 

Conclusion: I think Ben died in early 2006 (making him 16). 

And that’s all I’ve got so far.

If anyone else has more clues for the timeline, please add them to this post. 

[lucysuniverse]

Critical Beauty

Am I the only one who thinks Jo Jinho is perfect just the way he is? Probably not. :D

To be honest I incredibly miss this man so I just wanted to feel him a bit closer while I am writing this story and he is serving in the military.

Happy Birthday Jinho! We love you all. 

Pairing: Jinho x OC/reader

Genre: comfort, romance, angst

Word count: 6081

______________________________

I messed up. Like totally. My dad and those idiot colleagues of mine totally washed my brain. But after all I was the one ruining our relationship completely. And I could not blame him for having the will to break up with me because If I was in his shoes I would have done the same.

-|-

I knew it wasn’t right this way. We lived together for almost a year by now, and I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t tell him that I was lying to him continuously in order to protect him from pain and save his self-esteem. Or at least this was my intention through-out the years.

We lived in a small flat. This is what we could afford. I just graduated from high-school and he was going to auditions. One after another. He was determined, and he was good. Insanely good. I couldn’t understand what is missing. What do you need more to become a singer? Didn’t he have outstanding vocals? He did. Didn’t he have a bit shy but loveable personality? He did. Didn’t he have sense of humor? HE DID. And on top of that he was handsome. WHAT WAS MISSING THEN???

As his girlfriend my heart was aching to watch all his efforts go to waste after so many years passed. We had a relatively big age gap between us. Well as long as you’re a teenager or young adult even two and a half years difference seem a lot. But later on, it doesn’t really matter. Especially not when you like someone. Because you like them for the person they are.

I loved him so incredibly. Because he was great. He was caring and cute but sometimes surprisingly masculine and very hot. I couldn’t wish for a better man. There was only one thing missing. Actually, not was but were. 5 more inches.

Because although we were quite far from each other in terms of age, we were all the more so close in terms of height. To be honest I guess I might have been smaller than him, but it never felt like that. And every time I thought about this I felt ashamed. Because that was the only thing which gave me hard times. I wouldn’t say I didn’t like his height. I liked everything about him. But sometimes I just wished he was a tiny bit taller, or I was even smaller (if that was possible).

Sometimes I found myself wondering about this: this couldn’t be the reason of him failing all those auditions, right? They can’t be so mean right? If you’ve ever heard a good singer than you would know that Jo Jinho was one of them.

This is why I always told my father to wait just a little. He was really opposing our relationship. I would have understood his concerns if he had real reasons, since I was his only daughter. But what he always said was ridiculous, narrow-minded and I just resent him for that.

“When will he finally stop this stupid joke of becoming a singer. Didn’t he have enough throughout these years?”

“I am fine dad. How about you?” I said as a reply. I was so fed up listening to his bullshit all the time. He heard Jinho singing. And even though he would have never admitted, he knew Jinho was born to be a singer. Anybody could tell. But sadly, in his eyes only those are real men who are lawyers or doctors. When they divorced with mom, he even found me a real man… My dad thought I should go on a blind date with the trainee of his divorce lawyer. He even complimented his ears! Like what the heck! My always logical and strict dad tells me to date the trainee of his divorce lawyer because he has nice ears.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve never thought about leaving Jinho, but my dad nagged me all the time so I checked the guy’s social media pages. Funfact: he was born on the freaking same day in April as Jinho. Am I freaking joke?

“Little woman… I am your dad no need to act like this. But think about your future kids. Will they be also minions?”

“Bye dad it was good to talk to you.” And I hung up. I didn’t want to ignore him. After all he was my dad. But we never had a good relationship. Well a relationship at all. But the irritating thing was that even if I tried to ignore all these comments he made me angry. I couldn’t stop myself. I should not marry Jinho but we are already expecting kids?! And minions? And these are my dad’s words when he himself isn’t a giant either. ARRGGGGHHH!

“Hi babe! Is everything okay?” Jinho asked. And as always, I put on a nice smile and said “yeah, all good.” And I hated myself for that.

-|-

“What is that?” He asked curiously. I didn’t know he was still at home. I wanted to put the box back under the bed as soon as possible but it was too late he saw it.

“Oh this? It is just something stupid. It is not important. Did you leave something here?”

“Yeah, I left my phone on the charger. But don’t change the topic. It must be something important if you were staring at it so dearly.”

“Oh no. You misunderstood.”

“Okay, enough of this. What’s that? Do you have something to hide from me?” And even though he didn’t say this in an offended way there was edge in his voice.

“It’s your birthday gift.”

“My birthday gift?”

“Yeah.” I knew this couldn’t work. But I couldn’t come up with a real acceptable reason.

“It was last month. And procrastination is your middle name so it can’t be for my next one, I am not buying this. So, what is that?”

“I will bring this back okay? I don’t know why I bought this. I must have lost my mind. I just …”

“Oh show me finally.” And before I could give him the box he took it out of my hands.

“You must be kidding me, right?” He asked after 3 minutes of torturing silence.

“Look I am sorry. I know we should be saving money and …. but I can ask for refund and also…”

“You created such a big scene just because of this?” And he was laughing. He was LAUGHING!

“What? Aren’t you mad?”

“Why would I be? Should I?”

“Oh… yeah. I mean no. No. I just thought… I just…”

“You thought I would be upset to found out that my girlfriend is secretly buying a pair of high-heels for herself to feel pretty? I am getting more upset now that I know you felt like you should hide this. Also, why did you think I didn’t want to see your pretty legs in this? I thought you knew me better. If that’s all I am off for work. Bye babe see you in the afternoon.” And he gave me a light kiss on my forehead. And I felt on my skin he was smiling. “And I hope next time I see you, you’ll be wearing these.” And he casually left the room.

I made a fool out of myself. I really thought he would be offended by this. I mean it wasn’t a big deal to give up on high-heels. They weren’t very comfortable anyway and we really had to save money. But I was young and for the first time in my life I felt getting more feminine. Maybe I was already but this time I started to realize.

I thought it was selfish of me having these secret desires to put on a bit tighter clothes and wore high-heels especially when he is not really taller than me, but after having this conversation I was even more encouraged. I knew he didn’t have problems with it and that was all that mattered. I was happily tiptoeing to the office. My colleagues even complimented me.

The girls were jealous for having those nice shaped legs, and the boys… let’s not talk about them. If you think they will become serious once they grow up… Well friend you are totally mistaken. Boys will be boys. But they didn’t cross the line, in their own way they complimented me as well. And I felt confident and happy. All thanks to my sweet boyfriend whom I could always rely on.

I was in a really good mood until the point I let some idiots ruin my day. I couldn’t say they ruined it. I was the one let them do it. I just wish I never overheard their conversation.

“I was wondering why she is never coming to the year-end parties but now I see. The company is not yet prepared for those legs.”

“That was a good one bro. But they say she is just staying home all the time with that hopeless guy. I feel sorry for her to have such a boyfriend.”

“What really? Why aren’t they coming together?”

“Another rumor says it the guy is a dwarf. So, she is rather staying home with him.”

“Wow. How do you know so many things?”

“Resources…”

“Which girl then?”

“The blondie in the red jeans.”

“Mmmmmh.”

“Stop it she is mine.”

“Until when?”

“Tonight. Then you can have her.”

“You are disgusting man. Well done.” And they laughed.

“Ah but that sweetie. I really feel sorry for her. Having that boyfriend can be very burdensome.”

“Oh yeah. If I was her boyfriend, I would make sure she feels good in every situation.”

“You mean every position.”

“Exactly.” And they laughed again. “You know me so well.”

I felt dirty. It’s not like they did anything specific to me. They were just fantasizing. But I felt fucking dirty in that moment. I wanted to erase this conversation from my head but instead I heard their words repeatedly in my head.

I heard my shoes making that irritating sound on the street while I was going home. With every step I felt smaller and smaller. I regretted wearing that stupid high-heel… So as soon as I arrived home I put them back in their box cleaned, ready to bring them back to the shop. I would want to throw them away instantly but then suddenly I thought about Jinho.

We need to spare money. He needs to buy some nice clothes for the next audition. And also, we barely manage to pay the bills since I just started studying in the med school and next to collage it is quite hard to work. Sometimes I thought maybe I should just quit dreaming about becoming a doctor but there was a senior doc, my supervisor who inspired me a lot. Last month he helped that well-known celebrity couple. He said the lady had some complications while she was giving birth to their little girl but the doctor helped them and finally the little Daisy was born healthy. Some of my fellow classmates said he even resembles Jinho…. I don’t know why.

Talking about Jinho, he was quite clueless when he found me eating the third bowl of ice cream and watching Lovely Complex.

“You are still watching this?”

“Anime is not only for kids. And well I’ve just become an adult anyway, meaning I am still a kid. Let me be. Oh and if you go to the kitchen can you bring me the last Ben & Jerry’s? I know I shouldn’t be buying these but I just felt like having a pajama party on my own. Thanks babe. ”

“Look.” And he sat down next to me and slowly took away the Ben and Jerry’s from my hands to put it on the table. “Can we talk about today morning?”

“Sure. But what is there to talk about?”

“I hate it when you act like this. And the funny thing is that you know I do.” He smiled bitterly. I was aware of it. None of us were stupid. Well… we both were very clever to be honest. When I acted silly it was either out of fun or I was trying to hide something. Just like now.

“Okay. Sorry.”

“I feel like you are kind of disappointed in me. And I just wanted to let you know and thank you for enduring all these days and months together with me. I know that even if you don’t tell me that it is hard to tell your parents that I still didn’t make it.”

“Jinho it’s not your fault.”

“That is showbiz, I know. The only thing that hurts me is that when I started this utterly long and unpredictable journey, it was me and only me. But since then we found each other, and me failing all the time is not only an individual concern. We are a team. And I am not a good team mate. You just graduated and want to become a doctor. And I should support you.”

“Jinho you’ve already done so much for me, you can’t even imagine. And you do every single day. Even today. So, don’t just please don’t say you don’t support me, when you support me the most.”

“But then what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“Even after so many years I’ve never met your colleagues and I hardly ever meet your dad. I know you are working part-time and you are tired from doing college and your job at the same time but these parties could help you relieve stress a bit.”

“I don’t want you to meet those idiots.” And well, this was true. Not only because they would make a joke out of us, but after today I was kind of ashamed of working with those bastards.

“But I guess not all of them- oh what’s this? I am sorry babe but I need to pick this up, we will catch up on this okay?”

A producer called him. Or should I say the producer? The one who just became a dad. The one whose wife gave birth to the little Daisy in our hospital with the help of my professor. That producer. I was insanely happy. Finally, good news. I couldn’t bear anything bad any longer. But the worst was yet to come.

-|-

We were walking hand in hand on the streets. Finally, a promising audition. It was on Saturday so I could go with him to the company and show some support as I should. Once the audition was over Jinho shook hands with the producer. I could imagine them working together. I even found cute how they were both quite small.

Jinho said they would contact him later, but he had a good feeling about finally making it. I was so happy. I’ve never saw him so hopeful after an audition. When we were leaving the company there were six model like people nearing us. I was sure they just walked out of Vogue. The two most likely European girls alongside the four men suited each other very well. But not all the boys were Korean. One boy’s appearance shouted “Shanghai Prince” the other’s “Nagano Prince” but don’t ask me why. I just had this feeling.

I don’t know how Jinho felt but I was in awe. They looked stunning. Flawlessly chitchatting about a Flower Shop in the nearby. I always thought models have other topics to talk about. Well the owner of that shop must have done something very well then to become a hot topic.

“They were cool right?” He asked suddenly.

“Yeah.”

“Just wait a little longer. I will become one of them anytime soon.”

“I know.”

And I really knew that he would succeed. He was supposed to be a singer. I even imagined myself becoming his manager. I loved helping people. And I was determined about med school, but for him I could have given up on it. I knew with his music he may be curing more people in his life than me as a doctor. So after all our goal was the same.

              As we were nearing home familiar faces were getting closer. The two guys that bullied me in high school. They always had something against me. If I had red nails I was a slut if I wore a turtleneck they called me a nun. They ate my lunch, stole my notebooks etc. Same old thing. Bullies are so uncreative.  

              “Oh hi dear. Long time no see.”

              “Hi guys.” And I started to panic but wanted to grab Jinho’s hand and leave as soon as possible.

              “Hey its Saturday, why such a hurry? Knowing you, you don’t have any plans or invitations, do you?”

              “I am sorry boys, but we will be leaving.” Jinho said firmly.

              “Oh, did you see someone? I heard a voice but I don’t know where it comes from.” One of them said.

              “I don’t know man. Maybe our favorite girl can tell us.” And now they were both looking at me challengingly.

              “You guys are still not tired of the same old shit, are you?” I asked with a bored face but deep inside I was startled. I hated seeing them again, I hated the fact that even after graduation they can do this to me and Jinho as well.

              “Same old shit? Look at you. Are you talking about yourself?”

              “It was enough. Get lost.” Jinho said again.

              “It is strange I keep on hearing things but I don’t see anyone.” One said.

              “Poor girl. You should have higher expectations. Are should I say taller?” The other added. And they laughed. I was about to cry. Why is this happening to us, when finally, things seemed to become better.

              “Is he the best you could end up with? Oh god your still so low-class as you used to be… or is he not your boyfriend? Correct me if I misunderstood.”

              And that was when I fucked up. I didn’t say anything. I hesitated. There were no good answers. I knew them so well, no matter what I was about to say, they would turn it against me. But even that should have been better than this.

              “I am sorry guys, but if that’s the problem, I can tell you we are not together. Look at her. Is she someone to mess around someone like me? Definitely no. She is better than that. She has a taller, funnier and richer guy next to her. He has just entered that building at the end of the corner. I guess you both know which building I am referring to.”

              “Is that true?” They asked at the same time.

              It was our only chance to finally escape from this nightmare situation. They could stop us if they wanted any time. We were both too small to resist if they were up to something.

              “Yeah, that’s right. He works there.”

              And as if the curse was broken, they nodded with respect and were no longer blocking our way.

              “If that’s the case, we are sorry about what we said. We knew you are going to make it. And who is that lucky guy? Yanan? Shinwon? Yuto? No waaaay. Oh my god are you dating Jung Wooseok?”

              I had no clue what they were talking about, but I had this gut feeling that my dear ex-classmates became fanboys throughout the years. FANBOYS! It was ridiculous. I couldn’t help but smile out of embarrassment.

              “I am sorry, but you also know that we should respect the artist’s privacy. I cannot say more.”

              “Okay, so its Wooseok. Oh my god. He is a legend. Could you please get his autograph?”

              “I am sorry but we should get going. Jinho has- wait… Jinho?”

              “Oh the small guy? He left couple of minutes ago when it turned out you are dating Wooseok. Is he jealous by the way? He might have some feelings for you. But don’t mind him girl. You are dating the great Jung Wooseok. What else can a person ask for?”

              For a forgiving boyfriend I guess. I left these two idiots there and I started to run after Jinho as fast as I could. Did he say he is leaving I just didn’t notice? Was he upset? Did he leave something at the audition? I called him several times but I couldn’t reach him. After going back to the company and checking the possible places where we were that day I decided to finally go home. I just hoped he would be there.

-|-

              He was at home. And he didn’t seem upset. He told me to take a shower after this tiring day. It was his tiring day though. If only I had the audition today.

              We spent the afternoon calmly he was practicing and I watched a movie. The male protagonist kinda resembled the divorce lawyer’s trainee. Yang Hongseok. And wait a second, he is at the same agency where Jinho had the audition. Nice. I was so happy and excited I really hoped they will call him back with good news.

              Jinho was practicing for hours. He only did this when he was determined and wanted to prove himself before an upcoming audition or when he was hurt. I started to have a bad feeling. There isn’t any upcoming audition. Shit.

              I prepared some nice food and I cautiously knocked on his door to tell him we can have dinner. He didn’t seem angry or anything he just casually nodded and we started to eat.

              “About today… thank you for saving me. These two were always bullying me and if you weren’t next to me today I might have ended up crying and hurt again.”

              “At least YOU are not hurt.” And the way he said ‘you’ was different.

              After minutes of awkward silence he thanked for the food and was on his way to go back practicing.

              “Wait Jinho.”

              “Yeah?” He asked indifferently.

              And I couldn’t ask what I wanted.

              “There is dessert for you in the fridge.”

              “For me? Aww. That’s nice. I thought it is for someone else. Maybe for Jung Wooseok.”

              Bingo. I knew something was fishy…

“I don’t even know who that guy is. And you are well aware of this. Look, I know those two are disgusting and resentful but it was you who stopped them. It was thanks to your made up story that they finally stopped.”

“Oh right. You are so right. What if we just pretend not dating anymore? Maybe it will solve other worries too?!”

“What? Do you want to break up?”

And I saw that he kinda froze at this question. He didn’t mean it.  But if he was mentioning break up he must have been hurt for real.

“No. Of course not. This is why I was kind of avoiding you. I wanted to talk about this when I have calmed down. But fine since it’s out it can’t be helped.”

I was getting nervous. The thought of losing him was more than painful. I didn’t want to live without him. I couldn’t live without him.

“I always thought we are a great team. Even if there are things we should work on we were always open about concerns and we solved the problems together. But I am worried this situation right now is not something we can change even if we work together.”

“We can solve everything together, okay? I want to solve it. Jinho please. I understand and realize that I must have hurt you with my words. And I am so sorry about that. I never wanted to hurt you. I should have told them the truth.”

“Do you know how much happier you looked when I said you are dating this illusionary taller, funnier and richer guy? Do you realize how relieved you were when they showed you respect for dating an idol? Do you get it finally? I love you so incredibly. But this is me. Only this much. I cannot give you more. I am working hard to get there. I might be there someday. But it won’t change facts. I am Jo Jinho, I am 5.6. I don't look like a model. I don’t have money. But I love you. That’s all I can give. But I am not sure it is enough. I am no longer sure I can give you the things you need. I am not sure what I can give you is the same as you want me to give you.”

“What?”

Is this really how I behaved? Is this really how I made him feel?

“I am not saying we should break up, but I am asking you to reconsider what you want from me and from this relationship. I want you to be honest. I promise you even if you say ‘I am sorry but I only date guys above 5.8’ it will hurt and I will be broken, but I will accept it. As long as I know you made the right choice in order to be with someone who can make you happy, I will accept your decision.”

“No Jinho. You totally misunderstood. I don’t want to date anybody else. Who cares about those stupid inches?”

“You. It was only you. Always. Did you ever hear me complaining about it? This might sound cruel but I learned to accept myself and love myself in this way. And it was a hard and long journey. I won’t pretend it is only about you. I don’t want to lose this confidence. I don’t want to become that insecure man I was before. But you make me feel like someone who needs to be protected, someone who should be hidden. I don’t want to feel like this.”

“I never wanted to hurt you.” I said while my tears were falling.

“I know you never did. It was unintentional. But you’ve hurt me. I just want you to realize a lot of things can be improved and changed, but my height is not something I can modify. Please just think about it. If you still want me this way, just let me know. I would be happy to stay together.”

And he left me there. I would want to hug somebody, and I needed his presence but, I was kind of glad he didn’t see my ugly crying face.

He was so damn right. And I could totally understand the way he felt. If you love someone you shouldn’t make them feel like trash. And it was always and only me who had those concerns. The rumors spread by the colleagues and my dad’s stupid words. I am not sure how I really felt. Maybe I was just influenced by them but I was worried I might have cared too much about his height.

Everything was up to me now. He was waiting for my answer. Even after I hurt him so bad, he didn’t want to break up. It was up to me to choose an average life with a divorce lawyer’s trainee type of guy, or choose a different type of life with him. A life with Jo Jinho.

-|-

We’ve slept separately. It was better this way. I was suffering alone but it just made me realize how much I needed his presence, how much I wanted to see his face when I woke up and how badly I wanted to feel his arms wrapped around me.

I prepared a nice breakfast. I wanted to clear things as soon as possible, but food is important too. Kids, don’t forget to eat breakfast!

“Hi! Good morning!”

“Good morning! Wow. So many nice dishes. Is this a compensation?”

“It’s an ‘I am sorry for being a bad girlfriend’.”

“Oh thank god it’s not an ‘I am sorry for breaking up with you’.” He said with a smile. But I couldn’t laugh at it. I know he was hurt. And him trying to make a joke out of it meant that he was hurt more than he showed.

“I am not gonna leave you Jinho.”

“I am sorry I didn’t mean it.”

“Look. I… I… messed up okay? I understand that even if I had good intentions I’ve hurt your feelings. But I think we can solve this too. I wanted to say thank you for finally saying what I should have heard. The thing is that you were right. I was the one obsessed with your height. And the saddest is that not specifically because of you. I thought if I am almost as tall as you I can not be a fragile, small woman. I wanted to be smaller, I wanted to be the one who needs to be protected. And I couldn’t accept myself in this way. I didn’t see me the way I wanted.”

“I wish you would see yourself with my eyes just to understand how beautiful you are.”

“I am sorry to make you feel bad when I was the one who couldn’t love myself. If you could help me to accept myself as you did back then, I think we would be able to stay together. And if you still love me I wouldn’t want anything more than this. I want nothing less and nothing more than you, Jo Jinho.”

-|-

Magic Bra. I was raising my eyebrows. Did she really make a successful business with such a company name? But when I checked on the internet the reviews were praising her insanely.

Lucy_1127 wrote: I was invisible before. But when my longtime best friend saw me in this red bra, he finally realized we were supposed to be together. I love this bra. It is indeed magical. My only regret is that it is more times on the floor than on me. (Moderators please don’t erase my comment *begs*)

Hoetaekie828 wrote: when the owner told me that this lingerie has magical power I was sceptic. I am 27 you know. I don’t believe in fairytales anymore. But when I saw her (my back then best friend now girlfriend)... Wow! She was indeed a beautiful princess from a fairytale. Since than I couldn’t thank the owner lady enough. We are regulars at the shop. I totally recommend it for couples, and for those friends who are shy to admit the truth.

              Jinho didn’t tell me why I got this. He just told me this is a gift from him to me and also a part of our therapy. We didn’t apply for real therapy. But we agreed to rebuild our trust and change things. As a first step he told me to wear these. I was kind of surprised. Jinho wasn’t really a shy type but we were both so stressed recently, having a time dedicated to ourselves was so rare like a leap year.

              When I put on the ‘magic bra’ I checked myself in the mirror. I wasn’t totally satisfied but I looked so different in these. I finally saw someone who is brave and confident. For the first time I thought if I work a bit harder, not only on my body and carrier but on my behavior and inner values, I might become someone who is worth of Jinho’s love. I really hoped so.

              “Okay, so where is my lovely and concerned girlfriend who cannot see herself as a fragile, feminine woman? Because I only see a stunning, confident lady here. I am sorry miss, but even if it is so hard to send you off I will have to ask you to leave because I already have someone closed in my heart.” He said when he suddenly appeared behind my back. Our eyes met in the mirror.

              “Oh is that so? That’s a shame then. Are you sure she wouldn’t allow this one? As long as you are happy I think she wouldn’t mind it.”

              “Do you think so? Am I that kind of lucky guy? Well… let me see.” And he is seductive gaze was wandering all over my body. “No. I cannot do that to her I am sorry.”

              “Why not? Is she so nice?”

              “Yeah. She is a precious someone to me. And I promised something to myself. I wanted to show her how beautiful she is. I need to keep that promise. So even if your affair offer is very tempting I have to say no.”

              “What a pity. I think she doesn’t even know how lucky she is… Is she more beautiful than me? That can’t be true. Mister you must be lying.”

              “No, I am not. I love her and she is beautiful. What if I prove you?”

              “Fine. If you prove me than I’ll be leaving and won’t seduce you. If you don’t prove me you’ll have to have an affair with me.”

              “Okay.”

              “So, how will you prove me?”

              “Just look at yourself in the mirror.”

And even if I was confident pretending to be another lady for fun looking at myself in the mirror while he was watching me from behind was kind of embarrassing.

              “You know my girlfriend is a bit insecure and even if I tell her she won’t trust me when I say she is beautiful. You have some similarities. You both are stubborn and don’t trust my words… bad girls…”

              And I couldn’t help but laugh a bit. He was cute. I was grateful. And I loved him incredibly.

              “So, for example if I would say I love how she puts her hair behind her ears she would be like: but it is nothing special.”

              And as he said it he put my hair behind my ears and put a soft kiss on my neck. And then looked back at me in the mirror. And I started to get the taste of this whole thing. He was so freaking hot. He decided to show me how he loved each and every part of my body. He put soft kisses on my shoulders and wrapped his arms around my waist without taking his eyes off of me. And this excited me. For the first time I realized it was really not about being small or tall, fragile or not. He loved me and I loved him back. And we were perfect for each other just the way we were.

-|-

              “Sorry but could you please go to the hall? Someone passed out. Oh god these fans these days…”

              “Sure, I’ll be there in a sec.”

              It wasn’t the first time in this week. Fans were crazy about him. And it was good to see that he finally received this much of love after working hard for his dream for the past years.

“I am here. How can I help? Where is the patient?”

“He is here.”

“You two?” I asked a bit shocked.

“Oh! Our favorite girl. Please save him!” Member 1 of the bully duo said. I am sorry but after what they’ve done to me throughout these years I don’t bother calling them on their names…

I just gave him first aid and after he woke up I made sure he is fine.

“You’ll be fine now.”

“Oh my goodness. Thank you. You saved him.”

“You saved me. Thank you. I have never thought one day you’ll be saving my life.”

“Trust me, this is not something I’ve expected either. But what are you two doing here?”

“We are fans!”

“I am sorry to let you down but Wooseok is not present today. This is Jinho’s solo concert…” I said a bit offended.

“Silly. We knooow. We came to support him.” They said.

“Oh, if that’s the case… I am glad. I think he would be happy to see your faces. But promise me you won’t faint in front of him okay?”

“Yes doctor!”

“Good.”

“Also… we are sorry… for everything.”

And I just nodded. I was happy that they apologized even if it happened after so many years later. But in a way I was happy that we met them on that day. I guess I needed to meet them to realize being critical about beauty is just so unnecessary. Beauty is so subjective, and is not only about visuals and heights. And when I looked back on Jinho talking happily with his fans signing the albums, I knew that in my eyes he was the most beautiful person, and nothing else mattered.

[spaced-out-julissx]

this post is kinda long ngl

Last night, I came out to my friend as bisexual through text message. God I still can’t believe I did it. She’s bisexual too, so the reason I came out to her first was not only because I trusted her, but she might be one of the few that understands me. I would love to include screenshots of the text messages, but I’m typing this through a laptop and I don’t want pictures here because my whole family can login and can see them. I know I can delete them but I don’t want to risk it. Let me tell you what happened just in case you’re looking for a coming out story to read or help you out.

Me and her were just making small talk and talking about our new hobbies that we formed during quarantine and the sort. I was actually doing homework while texting her. And then, all of a sudden, I wanted her to know. Like, I’ve always known I was going to tell her first, but I thought it was going to be in person. But last night, as I was texting her, I just really wanted her to know. It was so powerful, this feeling, of just wanting to go through the screen and come out at her end and just scream it out. I was kind of scared of this all-of-a-sudden feeling, because it doesn’t come with bravery, but rather recklessness and this feeling could either be the best or worst thing for someone in the closet.

Nevertheless, I decided to act on it. And I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but I felt these exact feelings: my leg, which was already shaking, began shaking even more violently. I could feel goosebumps all over my arms. There was a lump in my throat, and thank goodness we were texting rather than talking or else I would have never spit out the words. My stomach felt weird, like somebody was poking me all over, but through the inside. 

I texted her, asking if I could talk to her about something. She said yes, and then my phone stopped working for a whole hour. Great timing. For that whole hour, I was reflecting if I should or shouldn’t. But this feeling was so strong, and I had no doubt in my mind that it was going to be tonight that I would tell her. My phone started working again, and then I told her that it broke down and whatever. Then she asked me what it was that I wanted to tell her. 

So I typed up the words “I’m bi”. I typed them. I didn’t send them. There I was, staring at the blue “send” button, thinking how big that button all of a sudden became. Two words. Two small words. One of them I didn’t even type fully. But they were so powerful, because the second I sent them I knew there was no going back. You can’t just lock yourself back inside the closet. 

I was feeling so overwhelmed, so I went into the notes app and typed up a reason as to why I was telling her. I typed up exactly these words,

“and you're the only one that knows idk i just wanted to tell someone and i really don't want to tell my family they're kinda homophobic hehe”

I was going to send “I’m bi” first and then the message above. So I went back to the text messages. I took a couple of breaths.

It was so much, I literally squeezed my eyes shut and my thumb hit the send button. I felt this huge weight on my shoulders. I felt so many feelings right at that moment, it was crazy. Goosebumps were positively all over my body. Immediately I pasted the message from the notes. That was probably a good idea, my whole copy and paste thing. There was no way my shaking fingers were going to type a whole sentence after sending that.

I stared at my phone, waiting. There was no way I could just look away from the phone. My eyes were glued. I wasn’t even blinking. 

A whole minute passed. A WHOLE MINUTE. I kid you not a whole 60 seconds passed. Those 60 seconds were longer than microwave seconds. I was waiting and waiting. Surely she wouldn’t be mad at me, right? She’s bi. It would be hypocritical, and if I knew she would do something like that, I wouldn’t have told her. But do I honestly know her fully? I mean, I only met her a couple of months ago, but I feel like I’ve known her forever. She’s just so easy to talk to about literally anything! Was this an exception? And just like that, another minute passed. 

That’s it. I can try to go back inside the closet as best as I could. I could tell her April Fools or something like that, and if she says that it’s not even April 1, I’ll just tell her I thought you were supposed to celebrate that holiday all through April. She won’t be suspicious, will she?

“Omg really I'm so happy how'd you realize?”

There. She responded. Immediately after reading that, all my stress, anxiety, every single fucking thing melted off me. My legs stopped shaking, and they always shake. Doesn’t matter if I’m coming out or not. But they were still. And I was just staring back at the screen, my mouth slightly open.

I felt so good. God typing this makes me feel kind of emotional. I did it. I actually did it. And I wasn’t embarrased, like how I envisioned my coming out to anybody every single fucking time. I wasn’t regretting it. I was smiling. And then I was full on grinning at the screen. I came out to someone, and they were “so happy” to hear it. I literally had to get up and hop on my bed a little. I know that sounds cheesy as fuck, but I got on my small sofa bed and hopped a bit. And I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt so good.

So I started telling her how I realized. How I think I kind of have always known but I would suppress it because my family wasn’t exactly open to it. How in middle school I had tiny crushes on girls and kind of...fantasize about kissing them. How I was in love with Lady Gaga, but then I realized it wasn’t just her music that I liked. How reading any wlw book or fanfiction made me feel kind of jealous of one of the characters. How after reading gay literature (such as Simon vs The Homo-Sapiens’ Agenda and Leah On The Offbeat) made me finally accept that I don’t just like guys, and that it was 100% normal. I don’t know, but when you know, you know. I hid it all these years because of my family. My mom literally told me she thinks my brother might turn out gay because he only has a bunch of older sisters, and that her and my dad were trying to “get it out of him”. Whatever “it” was. Guess how old my brother was when she told me that? Like 3 years old. 

I don’t know. I know my parents won’t kick me out if I told them, so I guess I’m lucky on that end. But they just make all these jokes and whenever they meet someone who is gay, they make it point to point it out in a story they might tell during dinner. My mom’s cousin came out as lesbian last summer, and my mom’s aunt (not her cousin’s mom) was saying how she didn’t want to talk to her anymore and for her to not even think about visiting her. I watch old home videos of my mom hanging out with her cousins and throwing around words like the fa**** and great stuff like that. My dad was brought up in a very traditional Mexican family, where my grandparents from that side of the family might whip out a bible if I tell them. You know the sorts. Even my older sister has a bit of both of my parents. She loves stereotyping, in which for example if at work a guy gives her attitude, he’s probably gay. She talks about celebrities’ sexual orientations like she knows, and she makes the type of gay jokes that are not really hateful, but rather uncomfortable. I really don’t like those jokes. They’re like the equivalent to “I can’t be homophobic! I made eye contact with a gay on June 8, 2017!”

Woah there, I wrote a big one, boys! This was just supposed to be a coming out story but turned out to be a whole rant as to why I don’t come out. If you’re still reading this, thanks. It means the world to me. 

But anyways, my coming out yesterday, overall, I rate it bittersweet. It’s like the word bittersweet was made for this exact experience. It was very sweet in the fact that I’m already starting my journey to being out of the closet. I’m not completely out, but let’s just say I unlocked the door, and someone noticed. I’m not out, but I’m not in either, and that’s the sweet part. The bitter is the fact that I felt terrible and like death before coming out, and that was to an open, sweet, BISEXUAL friend. Imagine how I’m going to feel when I tell other people? When I tell my parents? God the thought makes me nauseated. I don’t know how you people that are out do it. I mean, I can’t even stomach the idea, but I’ll get around it some day. If you’re out, you are such a brave little muffin, and I’m proud of you. If you’re closeted, I’m still proud of you for figuring out who you are and for being brave for just being here, having to restrain yourself when you hear homophobic shit. If you’re questioning, you’re still brave for taking the step to figure out yourself, and I really hope you’re comfortable with yourself and you take all the time you need. 

Wow I’m a trainwreck. If you read from beginning to end, thank you you’re so sweet. I’ll keep updating this thread if I come out to someone else or if something happens. Writing makes me feel kind of liberated.

[sprnklersplashes]

not beyond repair (17/20)

AO3

I can’t decide if it’s a good thing for a bad thing that I updated this in a week, but it is indeed a thing.

He wakes up long before he normally does, even with his alarm set for 7:00 am on the dot. It’s not a slow process either; JD’s body jerks him awake on the wrong side of 6:30, slightly bleary eyed and burying his face in his pillow, but also with no hope of getting back to sleep. He tries, for the love of God he tries, but his eyes open of their own accord, and it gets to the point where keeping them closed requires too much concentration. He lies awake and looks up at the ceiling, running a hand through his hair and tugging on it gently. His heart beats faster than normal beneath his hand and his legs itch to get out of his bed and get a move on. It’s like his body knows what day today is and his refusing to let him miss a moment of it.

April 11th, 1990. He’s officially 18.

He shifts and sits up, resting his elbows on his knees and letting out a long breath. He never really looked forwards to his birthdays with the same anticipation that his peers did. Veronica tried to pass it off as casual and pretend it was no big deal, but she wasn’t fooling anyone. Or if she was, he wasn’t one of them. Everyone looks forward to being 18, don’t they? It comes with all the shiny bells and whistles of adulthood, freedom, independence, later curfews, the ability to vote. Some of that was always coming for him, and he’d be lying if he said that he wasn’t looking forward to his first visit to the polling station, but for the past five years, turning 18 had just meant one thing to him: aging out of the foster system. Getting a job straight out high school. Buying his own place, or maybe staying in some private room handed to him by the state if he was lucky. Maybe having to move to a new town, again, and leave behind everything he built here. His other birthdays were their own their own set of fun, fun issues, but in his view, his 18th birthday was a looming countdown clock.

All that’s gone now, he reminds himself. He can breathe for the first time in years. He’s got a home here, in this house, in this town, for the rest of his life. It’s official, with forms and documents and signatures, the whole works. She can’t take it back, and she’s sworn she never would. He believes her wholeheartedly, and it’s a new experience, one he can say for sure that he likes.

But that doesn’t change that his birthday in general remains a whole other wild ride he does not want to go on. So he closes that door, locks it, ties a chain around it, and flicks on his bedside light and opens up his book, letting himself get lost in the time between now and when his alarm goes off.

He takes his time getting ready, more so than usual, and he doesn’t pretend he doesn’t know why. His closed door mocks him even when he opens the curtains and lets the light in. He can just about hear Claire downstairs and much as he appreciates her (another word comes to mind but he snatches it back and locks it away where it belongs), he almost doesn’t want to see her. Not because she won’t make a fuss over his birthday, but because she almost certainly will.

Realising he can’t hide in his room forever, he braces himself and steps out onto the landing and jogs down the stairs, doing his best to appear as natural as possible and dealing with the 101 questions that that makes him ask himself. ‘Am I walking too slow? Too fast? Do I normally put my hand in my pocket like that? I make eye contact with people, right?’. By the time he makes it to the kitchen, he feels like he may as well have ‘yes, there is something on my mind, can we please not talk about it’ written across his face. Maybe he should start doing that, he thinks. It would save him a lot of time.

Claire’s standing at the stove as he enters, hair pulled back in a messy bun. An open, half-empty carton of eggs sits on the counter, as does an open bag of flour and a carton of milk. To top it off, there’s blueberries and chocolate chips next to the stove and a recipe book that’s far too close to that open flame. That woman is making him pancakes.

And she’s making them from scratch.

Part of him wants to hug her. Part of him also wants to run back into his room and lock himself in his closet. Thankfully, he’s learned how to locate the happy middle.

“Good morning, kid-”

“Don’t even think about it,” he replies sternly. She blinks, her mouth half open, the spatula poking weakly at the pancake. Okay, that one’s on him.

“Um… okay. Have a terrible morning then,” she replies, her light, joking tone not matching her words in the slightest. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he says with a shake of his head, heat creeping up in his cheeks. He throws his bag over the back of a chair and finds himself wrapping his hand tightly around it, his arm on the verge of shaking. “It’s just… we’re both very much aware of what today is.”

“Yeah, is that… is that okay?” she asks carefully.

“Umm… kind of?” he admits. The words don’t come easily, to his mind or his mouth, tripping over each other, his grip on the chair getting tighter. He releases it and turns to face her, tugging his sleeves over his hands. “Look, I just don’t want to make a big deal out of my birthday. In fact, I’d like to pretend today is not my birthday, it’s just another random day on the calendar.” He crosses his arms over his chest, mirroring how his stomach crosses over itself. “Can we do that?”

“Anything you want, kid,” she replies softly, and suddenly he can breathe again. “But we’re not letting these pancakes go to waste. So just consider these Un-Birthday pancakes.”

“I can work with that,” he laughs. “Only because you brought the chocolate chips.”

“Mm. Although, before you start denying your birthday’s very existence, you got mail. A lot of it.” She nods to the small mound of envelopes sitting on the windowsill. He lifts up the pile and flips through them, the handwriting committed to memory. One from Aimee, his finger finding a little bulge underneath the paper. An inside joke; she had made a bet with him when she dropped him off in Indiana that if he was still there by his birthday, she’d give him a quarter. Sure enough, he was, and the quarters never stopped coming. Then there’s one from Kerri and George, the original foster parents. And one from his Indiana family. He flips through the pile again, the once more, making certain that that’s all there is. That there’s not one stuck to another or he left on the windowsill that might be from-

“Nothing from him?” Claire interrupts. He shakes his head, biting down hard on the inside of his cheek. There’s a tightness in his chest and it hurts, and he curses at himself for being so stupidly hopeful. Claire runs her hand up his arm gently and squeezes his shoulders. “Maybe it got lost in the mail.”

“Why would it?” he asks with far more bitterness than he had realised. “He didn’t write for birthdays thirteen through seventeen. Why should eighteen be any different? Not like he cared before either.” He gives a small shrug, not enough to make Claire’s hand fall off his shoulder. “It’s fine. I don’t care.”

“He’s still your dad,” she reminds him quietly. “It’s okay if it still hurts.” He presses his fist into his palm and lets out a long, shaky breath. It does hurt. Less than last year but far more than he wants it to. Outside of his mom’s anniversary, this is the only time when the old habit of brain freezing becomes attractive to him.

No he tells himself firmly.

“I just want to stop,” he says instead. “I just want to have a birthday and not get upset about him. I don’t want him following me around for the rest of my life.”

“And he won’t,” Claire assures him. “I know you’re making progress, Jason. You’ve got a lot of people here who care about you.” He smiles at that, his fingers curling around her wrist. “And even if you don’t forget about him, he’s not a part of your life any more. And he won’t be for as long as you want.”

“Suppose I don’t need him now anyway,” he admits, his voice small, his shoulders moving in a casual shrug. “I’ve got you, haven’t I?”

Beside him, he hears her breath catching as she tries to compose herself. Her mouth opens wordlessly, but when he turn to look at her, her eyes are shining and he’s not totally convinced those aren’t unshed tears. Her fingertips stroke the back of his head as she manages a strong smile, one that makes him feel more at home than he ever did with his father.

“Yeah, kid, you do.” She squeezes his arm gently and leans her head on his shoulder, the closest she can get to a hug when they’re up against the counter. He still feels it though, even if he is soon distracted by what seems to be puffs of grey smoke rising from the frying pan.

“Uh… Claire?”

“Yeah?”

“Pancakes are burning.”

“Oh f-”

He leans on the counter to stop himself from hitting the ground, laughter wrecking through his body as Claire hurriedly swats at the rising smoke with a towel and scraping the cremated pancake from the pan. There’s an audible noise when it hits the kitchen counter. She recoils away from it like it might jump from the counter and attack her, taking revenge for its brutal murder at the hands of a frying pan.

“Okay,” she says, her voice far higher than usual. She pushes an escaped lock of hair off her face, making a show of being calm. “Let’s try that again.”

“And these are not birthday pancakes, right?” he asks as he gathers up the little pile of cards and goes to put them up in his room.

“Absolutely,” she promises, already whisking more batter. “Some good old Un-Birthday pancakes.”

His good start to the day only gets better when there’s a knock at the door, three in a quick, light succession. Since the weather took a turn for the better, he and Veronica have started walking to school together, making up for the time they miss together during their day. He’s picked her up a few times from her place before, but they seem to both prefer her meeting him at his place. It’s a more direct route to the school and whenever he’s over there, he gets the impression that Veronica doesn’t want them to spend more time in her house than they have to. Most days she’s hurrying JD out with as little conversation with her parents as possible. He’s been there before, with her in fact, but he knows it’s not the same. While he was terrified of his father, she’s just embarrassed. His heart kind of goes out to her folks, and he’s told her as much. It’s definitely better to have a parent who loves you a little too much than too little.

Still, he’s happier to have her come over here as well. For one, it means that today she gets pancakes. And while he’s definitely not afraid of her father, it does mean that he can avoid the stiff, uncomfortable conversations he always ends up having with him while she gets ready. Even if he has a sneaking suspicion that she had enjoyed that part of it.

“Morning,” she sings, leaning up against the doorframe, clad in a jean jacket over a shirt and dark denim skirt, her hair bouncing around her shoulders as she grins widely at him. There’s a ninth wonder of the world, he’s decided, and it’s Veronica Sawyer’s smile.

“Morning,” he greets, pressing a quick kiss to her lips and taking her hand as he lets her in. “You came in at a good time. She’s making pancakes.”

“Oh hell yeah,” she replies as they enter the kitchen. “Hey Claire.”

“Hi sweetie,” she replies, flipping another one over. “Oh, look at that beauty! Anyway, blueberries or chocolate?”

“Blueberry… if you don’t mind,” Veronica replies. Chuckling, Claire slips one onto a plate and hands it to her. “You’re a good influence on him, I can tell. He’s a lot more polite than he was before he met you.”

“I am right here,” he replies, hand on his chest in mock offense. Veronica giggles through a mouthful of pancakes, her eyes glittering.

“So what’s the occasion?” she asks as she perches on the kitchen chair, dropping her bag beside her like it’s her own house.

“Occasion?” he asks suddenly, anxiety gripping his heart just a little. He plays it off, or at least he hopes he does, pouring a glass of juice for her and himself. “What makes you think there’s an occasion?”

“I don’t know how they did things in Indiana,” she begins. “But in Ohio, no one makes pancakes unless there’s an occasion to go with them. Unless there isn’t and Claire’s just everyone’s dream parent.”

“I very much am,” she says, gesturing the spatula in Veronica’s direction. “But she’s right. I only break out the pancake batter on birthdays, graduations and Easter.”

JD coughs loudly, looking at Claire out of the corner of his eyes. She just shrugs helplessly in response. Despite how much he adores Veronica’s brains, he hope that just once they desert her and this can be over quickly and cleanly.

Of course not, because his girlfriend just so happens to be one of the sharpest people he knows.

“Aw, Claire it’s your birthday?” she asks.

Please start lying he silently begs her. No such luck there either. For a day that’s meant to be all about him, it doesn’t seem to be going his way.

“That’s sweet, kid, but no.”

And that’s when his lovely little morning comes to a halt and he wishes the ground could open up and swallow him completely. No chewing required, just let him slip right to the centre of the Earth.

“JD?” Veronica turns and looks at him, her eyebrows shot up, her pancake now abandoned. She crosses her arms over her chest, her gaze not leaving him even as his cheeks flush red. “It’s your birthday?”

“Yeah,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair and throwing one more sarcastic look at Claire. She either doesn’t understand or pretends she doesn’t, beaming at him instead and excusing herself. Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, he looks back at Veronica, his fingers threading in her hair. “Look, I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, okay?” She opens her mouth to protest, a few feeble noises escaping her.  Of course she’d be against this. His Ronnie, his amazing Ronnie. He takes her hand and roles it into a loose fist, running his fingers over her knuckles. He lowers his voice, half a habit left over from living in group homes and half because most of his energy is spent fighting with himself. “Please?”

“Okay,” she says, even if her face says otherwise. He supposes he should have expected this from her. As if she hasn’t been dropping not-so-subtle hints about his birthday since they started dating or making guess after guess and at one point flopping on top of him, refusing to get up until he told her. “But… I’m going to say it.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yes I do,” she says playfully, tapping her finger to his lips. Her smile softens, her finger moving to trace his jaw with a delicate touch. “Happy birthday, JD.”

“Thank you,” he replies, sincerely, a smile spreading across his face and warmth unfurling in his chest. Maybe he’s going against everything he stands for right now, but he’ll allow it for right now. He presses a quick, tender kiss to the palm of her hand, nuzzling into her touch for a second. He feels a familiar presence behind him, but he can’t find it in himself to be upset. “Okay, we have to go.”

“Okay, have a good day, kid,” Claire tells him as he’s getting ready. “You too, Veronica.”

“Thanks.”

“See you later,” he says as Veronica slides her hand into his and squeezes it a little.

“So… I’m not allowed to acknowledge your birthday in the slightest?” she asks as they step outside, the breeze keeping them from being too warm in their jackets.

“Okay that makes me sound terrible,” he says. “I would just… prefer it if you didn’t, you know?” She’s looking up at him, squinting a little in the sunlight, her eyes expectant and full of questions she’s too sweet to ask. It’s not that he likes keeping stuff like this from her, but it’s a learning curve for him, even with all the progress his therapist says he’s been making. Every time he finds himself holding something back or locking someone out, it’s  just as hard as before to open the door again. Like he’s still kind of recovering from the last time. Even though he knows he’d rather let them in than keep them out. Practice makes perfect, isn’t that the expression.

“Okay,” she says softly, rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb.

“And that means I don’t want a present either,” he tells her. She doesn’t bother hiding her frown this time as she strokes the butterfly pendant he got her for Christmas. She takes in a deep breath and slowly nods, although she doesn’t mask the disappointment evident on her face.

“Fine,” she says. “If that’s what you want, I promise I won’t get you a present.”

“Thank you,” he tells her. “I know it’s dumb but thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she replies, kissing his cheekbone and swinging their hands playfully, making him giggle the way that only Veronica can.

                                                                                               *****

“So I’m getting JD a present.”

Veronica and Martha sit in homeroom, Martha at least pretending to pay attention to Miss Fleming and Veronica less so. She keeps her face forwards at least, even if she’s leaning back in her chair, half turned. The clock is steadily ticking away, and the end of period bell is going to signal any moment now. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Martha’s raised eyebrow at her statement.

“A present… for the birthday that he doesn’t want to acknowledge?” she asks slowly, her voice low enough to fly under Fleming’s radar.

“That’s the one,” she tells her.

“Veronica, are you sure?”

“Miss Sawyer!” Fleming interrupts. Damn, she thinks to herself. Turned too far. Fleming cocks her head, her smile too wide for her face. “Am I interrupting something?”

“No, ma’am,” she says. A moment passes and Veronica starts slowly turning herself forwards again, heat prickling at her cheeks. “Sorry.” Fleming nods stiffy at her before continuing the announcements, something about the prom committee, which includes their very own Heather Chandler, and then moving on to something about yearbooks, run by their very own Heather Duke. Veronica wonders briefly if, had she not puked on Chandler and left the party, she would be running part of their senior year. Prom committee maybe? Or would she somehow take charge or organising graduation, ordering balloons and filing everyone into neat rows? Maybe it’s fate that she’s no longer in that strata, because there’s no way she could pull that off.

“So, walk me through this,” Martha says as they stand up and lift their bags onto their shoulders. “You’re getting him a present even though he, according to you, told you specifically he doesn’t want one?”

“Yeah,” she replies. Weirdly, she doesn’t feel all that bad about anything, not about telling Martha that it’s his birthday, or the fact that she’s ignoring his request. “Look, I just… I don’t like the idea of me not getting him a birthday gift. You know, he’s done a lot for me.”

“That’s sweet,” she tells her, nudging her gently with his elbow. “So any ideas on what to get him?”

“Nope,” she sighs, scratching the back of her neck. “Well, I have a direction to go in. And I was hoping… maybe you could come with me? I need someone to bounce ideas off of.”

“Oh, you flatter me,” Martha sighs, even though her sunny grin and light tone don’t match the words at all.

“And…” She slows her steps a little, mindful of Heather just ahead of them. “I kind of miss just us hanging out.” Beside her, Martha bites her lip daintily, cheeks turning just slightly pink.

“Me too,” Martha confesses. Veronica loves JD, loves what she’s built with him, and she couldn’t be happier if she tried that Martha’s with Heather, and judging by the way Martha melts around her, Martha feels the same about her. But with all that, the rollercoaster of their romantic lives taking off in ways they could never have expected way back when, she misses the quiet nights of her and Martha on the couch together or trips into the town, treating themselves to the smallest and silliest things. Even if things are changing for them, not everything has to.

“Oh my God!” Heather sighs when they catch up with her. “I had completely forgotten about prom, it’s so close now.”

“It’s about six weeks away, Heather,” Veronica reminds her gently.

“No, I know,” she replies, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “It’s just… there’s a lot I need to get sorted out. My dress, what I’m going to do with my hair, my nails, my make-up.”

“That’s… a lot,” Martha says quietly, anxiety creasing her face. Heather nods like little Noddy until she spots Martha’s face, and she rubs her shoulder gently, putting on a calm face, or trying to at least.

“It’s not really,” she says. “And you don’t have to do all of it. Or any of it. I’m just… you know me.”

“Yeah,” Martha agrees, covering up her worries with a smile. “I do.”

After school, Veronica and Martha wait on the second bus to take them into town, the first filled to the brim with freshmen who are just beginning to let loose, laughter getting louder, homework getting sloppier, grades falling, but not by much. Some of them still avoid the senior’s eyes in the hallways and run for cover when Kurt and Ram enter. And all of them watch Heather Chandler in revered silence and wide-eyed admiration.

“What do you think it’ll be like when we’re gone?” Veronica asks, bouncing a little to keep her legs from getting too stiff. “Like, for the new freshmen.”

“I mean… they won’t notice,” Martha says. “Unless they took a note of the fat closeted lesbian.” Unlike the Martha of last year, she doesn’t wince at her own words, instead chuckling at her own joke.

“No, I mean, like with Heather Chandler gone,” Veronica says. “Is there going to be a new mythic bitch?”

“Probably,” she sighs, deflated. “There’s some juniors now, I’ve seen them in hallways, and the rest of them are scared of her. She even looks a little like Heather Chandler. Yesterday she had a red shirt and everything.” She shudders. “It was spooky.” Veronica hums in agreement, toying with her necklace as the bus comes into the stop.

She started out this year believing that maybe things would change. Maybe the Heathers would stop being tyrants and start being people, maybe Kurt and Ram would grow brains and hearts. She wasn’t so naïve as to believe that they’d all go back to being best friends the way they were in kindergarten, but maybe she could stop looking at her fellow students and wondering where it went wrong.

But then, she realises with a jolt, hasn’t it, kind of? Isn’t Heather Mac at her lunch table now, not Chandler’s, and proudly walking the halls with them, even if she can’t hold Martha’s hand yet. How long has it been since the Heathers backed her, or anyone, into a corner? Has the demon queen lost her touch, or has something finally changed?

She doesn’t want to be too optimistic, to keep one foot in reality, but that doesn’t stop the small feeling of satisfaction unfurling in her chest.

“So what’s the direction you want to go in?” Martha asks as they walk down the streets they’ve known all their lives, chocolate lollipops in hand. It’s a special occasion, Veronica had reasoned while buying them. Her boyfriend’s birthday. It counts. “Another stuffed kitten?”

“Not that,” she says. “He’s still making use of the first one.” Her Christmas present to JD sits in pride of place on his bed, even if he swears he doesn’t sleep with it. She’s noticed him taking care to place it back on the pillows every time they get up to leave. “I want something unique to him, you know?”

They hit the bookstore first, examining all the poetry books available to them and hitting a roadblock fairly early on.

“I’m pretty sure he has most of these,” she sighs, placing another book back on the shelf. “And I’m not even sure if he likes the other ones.”

“It’s poetry and it’s JD,” Martha reminds her. “Aren’t they a match made in Heaven?”

“Yeah,” she admits slowly. “I just don’t want to get him something half-assed. I want to full-ass this.” Martha snickers behind her hands, and Veronica rolls her eyes, grinning. “Yeah okay that was poorly worded.”

“Very,” Martha agrees. Veronica examines the spines of books before her, arching her neck to see the ones at the top. None of them call out to her or make anything click in her mind, and so she turns away from them with a slightly heavier heart than before.

“You know… you can go home if you want,” she offers, picking at her nails. “Who knows how long I’m going to be here for.”

“I mean, I don’t have a curfew,” Martha says, taking her hand gently. “You think I mind being out with you?” She shakes her head in slight disbelief.  “You think I’d prefer sitting in my room working on algebra? When it’s like this outside?”

“Okay,” she says, the corners of her mouth turning up as a smile creeps onto her face. “You made your point.” She squeezes her hand warmly. Beside them, the bookshop gives way to a little mom-and-pop store, and then to another shop that makes her slow her pace, her eyes caught by the leather bound notebooks in the window. The gold thread woven into the spine glimmers in the sunlight and the metal corners wink at her.

She feels an idea spark in her head, and not to be big-headed, but it might be one of her best.

                                                                                               *****

“Heyo, I’m back,” JD announces to the house, to his house. He doesn’t know if he’ll get used to thinking of it like that, but he’s got the rest of his life to do so.

“Hey, kid,” Claire calls from the kitchen. She’s sitting on the table, her feet not even close to touching the floor, flipping through another recipe book with a frown on her face. “You know… maybe we could go out for dinner tonight? Or order in?”

“Maybe not,” he replies.

“Maybe you could stay out of the cookie jar?” she asks, glancing at him over the top of the book.

“Maybe,” he replies through a mouthful of cookie. She closes the book and swings off the counter, bouncing lightly as she lands purposefully, her hands clasped together. There’s a plan sparkling in her eyes and he wants no part of it. “Nope.”

“I haven’t even said anything!” she replies indignantly, creeping backwards a little. “But…”

He didn’t realise how much dread the word ‘but’ could instil in him until now. He hangs around warily, poised and ready to turn and run at the first sight of anything festive or celebratory. Well, half-ready. His mind is, but his body doesn’t seem to be following suit.

“Come on,” he sighs as she presents him with a little box, wrapped in red paper. Rather than sprinting to his room and bolting the door, he just deflates as insecurity wins out over anything else. “Claire… you didn’t have to spent actual money on me.”

“What else was I going to spend?” she jokes. “Monopoly money?” She adjusts her glasses on her nose and huffs out a weak laugh. “Of course I did. You might not want to celebrate, and that’s fine, but I’m not letting you forget it’s your birthday. And I bought this weeks ago before I even knew about this.” He nods, biting the inside of his cheek as something swells inside him. Not familiarity, because this is almost alien to him, but rather like he’s found something he didn’t realise he was missing before. She raises an eyebrow at him, her arm still extended. “Kid my arm’s getting pretty tired here.” With a laugh, he takes the box off her. “And if you hate it, I kept the receipt so that I can return it.”

He peels off the paper, her hopeful eyes trying not to stare at him as she rubs her hands together. He takes a deep breath and prepare himself for the usual ‘thank you’s for the usual generic presents. Maybe he’s not giving her enough credit, no, he’s definitely not, but after years of shirts a size too big and books he already owned, he slowly started getting less excited. It was no-one’s fault, he had reasoned, he’s sure he’d miss the mark sometimes if he was in charge of a house of ten kids. At least effort was made, which is a step up.

“Holy crap,” he whispers as the rest of the paper falls to the floor. In his hands is a dark blue Walkman, the package pristine, not a mark or scratch on it, wrapped in a black cord that connects a pair of black headphones. As he traces the sides, awestruck, he notices a bulge at the back that’s not meant to be there. When he turns it over, he finds an audiobook of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and a Simon and Garfunkel tape.

“Claire this is…” Perfect? Unexpected? How much did this even cost? I want to sleep with it under my pillow? I’m going to use it every day of my life. All the words he’s ever known, a vocabulary he’s carefully built and maintained over the years, desert him in the time it takes to breathe.

“I remember you looking at them a few weeks ago,” she says nonchalantly, picking at a loose thread on her sweater. “You like it?”

“Like it?” he asks, looking up at her. “Claire… I love it, thank you!”

“You’re welcome, Jason,” she says, running her hand up and down his arm. “And if no one else is going to say it to you, happy birthday.”

And it doesn’t hurt the way it did in the past. In fact, it barely hurts at all.

“There’s one other thing,” she says.

“You bought a cake too?” he jokes. Claire pauses, her cheeks puffing out.

“Okay two things,” she admits. She sorts through the pile of envelopes and paperwork tucked next to the radio. “But while you were at school… this came.” She hands him a large brown envelope, the edges crumpled and crinkled and the familiar logo stamped in the corner. The flap is already opened.

“Woah,” he breathes. All at once, everything else ceases to matter. His entire life is in that envelope. He takes it from Claire, shaking even though he knows there’s nothing here that could worry him. Maybe he’s not worried anymore. At least about anything other than crying in front of her.

He pulls out the small stack of paper work, only registering a few words. One being the signatures down at the bottom; his, Claire’s and the Agency’s head. And behind that, there’s a spotless white card, a wine red border around the edges, the word ‘Adoption certificate’ printed above the top.

Oh crap, he better not be crying.

“It’s all finalised,” she tells him softly, stroking his cheekbone. “You’re officially mine.”

Hers.

He gasps a little, needing to lean against the counter. After everything that led up to this, so much pain and ugliness and drowning, he’s here, and he’s breathing.

“You could be Jason Monroe,” she offers. “If you want.”

“I don’t know,” he says. “Think I’m going to stick with Dean.” If he doesn’t keep that name, he thinks, who will? “Besides, I don’t think JM has the same ring to it that JD does.” She laughs, leaning on his shoulder a little. His fingers trace his signature on the bottom of the last form. He never hesitated signing it, and that’s sort of a first for him.

He’s ready for a lot more firsts though.

Including the first birthday he cares about.

                                                                                               *****

“Hey, Mom, can I go out?” Veronica announces. Her gift to JD is sitting in her bag, amongst loose pens and crumpled chip packet wrappers. Her mom puts her newspaper down and frowns slightly at her, even though she looks like the picture of innocence.

“Where are you going?”

“JD’s house,” she replies, toying with the strap of her bag, tapping her fingernails against the leather. “It’s-it’s his birthday.” She bites her tongue as soon as she says it, almost feeling like she’s going behind his back, more so when she sees her mom’s smile growing bigger and wider, stretching across her face.

“Aw, that’s lovely,” she says. “So you got him a present?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, what did you get him?” she asks, clasping her hands together like it’s her boyfriend’s birthday.

“Just a little thing,” she says with a shrug, cutting the conversation off before it can go any further. “I got it in town today. So can I go?”

“Of course honey,” she tells her. “Just be back by nine.”

“I know the drill,” she says. “Thanks Mom.”

Not for the first time, she wonders if JD’s neighbours watch her when she reaches his house. Probably not the first time, not when it was 3am and no sane human being was awake by then, much less peeping out at their neighbours, but she’s climbed his wall heaps more times since then. Maybe one neighbour has noticed her, and now there’s a running joke in his neighbourhood about the crazy girl who breaks into JD’s room every now and then. Some of them might be one step away from calling the police.

Still, it’s faster than ringing a doorbell. She sidesteps the door entirely, jogs past Claire’s car, and jumps up to grab onto the trellis. Faster, maybe easier, but no less painful, she thinks as her arms begin to ache when she pulls herself up, her fingertips burning and scratched by the wood and bricks. She’s a little surprised that she’s not better at this by now. If anything, she’s gotten worse, which is even more surprising considering the first time she was one step away from drunk and her legs were numb. She hadn’t expected to be an expert at this, but at the very least she’d thought she’d be better at this point.

Maybe she can convince JD to get a ladder.

Her hand wraps around the ledge and she sighs, at least happy it’s almost over. She pulls herself up, shoulders shaking, her feet dangling precariously in the air. She doesn’t like thinking about what would happen to Claire’s car if she fell now. Or her.

“Hi there.”

If any neighbours weren’t concerned before, they must be now, because her screams can be heard throughout all of Ohio. JD looks out the open window, chin resting on his closed fist, cheeks red as he laughs loud enough for his street to hear.

“Is this my line?” he asks. “Veronica, Veronica, wherefore art thou Veronica?”

“You… Fucking… Dick,” she pants, her heart hammering uncontrollably against her ribs. “Honest to God you… what do you think would have happened if I had fallen?”

“I’d have caught you,” he tells her.

“Oh you would?” she replies. “Oh that’s real sweet.”

“Okay, come here baby.” He takes one hand in his and helps pull her through, even if she’s still doing most of the work. She makes it through to his side with small white scratches on her thighs, courtesy of his window ledge, and her lungs almost completely empty. His laughter has turned to high pitched, soft giggling, his eyes glittering and his cheeks flushed and round.

“Jerk,” she says, slapping his chest weakly. “I’ve half a mind to turn around and go home now.”

“And waste a journey?” he asks, pulling her against him and tangling his hand in her hair. “Besides, you can’t be mad at me today. It’s my birthday.”

“Mm-hm,” she replies, noticing how he’s in a better mindset about his birthday than he was this morning.

“So what brings you here, Romeo?” he teases.

“Wanted to see you,” she says, her hand moving to her bag and slowly undoing the straps. Out of nowhere, she realises how dry her mouth is. “And um… I got you something.”

“Ronnie,” he sighs, holding her hand and pulling her to the bed.

“Look, I know,” she says, settling herself on top of him, her legs on either side of him. “I know you said you didn’t want anything but… I couldn’t help myself.” She presses a swift kiss to his cheek. “That’s what girlfriends do, isn’t it? Buy you nice presents for your birthday?”

“I wouldn’t know,” he says, stroking her cheek. “Thank you.”

“I haven’t given you it yet.”

“But I know I’m going to love it.” He pokes at her cheek. “But thank you for… you know… caring.”

“Oh I’m scared now,” she says, half joking. She takes the package out of her bag and moves it off her shoulder, letting it crumple to the ground. The store even wrapped it in black tissue paper for her. She’s suddenly very aware of him beneath her, and of her own heart, beating rapidly not out of shock, but of the nervousness she’s come to know well. Her butterfly pendant sits at the base of her throat, cool metal against her skin.

He moves back and sits up a little, his fingers stroking and tickling her wrist.

“Here,” she says after a deep breath. “Happy birthday.”

He peels of the paper faster than she’d like and expected considering how tightly the man in the shop wrapped it. Funny how quickly what seemed like her best idea can become a doubt.

“Oh, wow,” he whispers. In his hand is an emerald green notebook, gold covering the two corners and a white ribbon hanging out of the bottom, acting as a bookmark. In the top right corner, there’s a small metal wolf, standing guard over his writing, and in the left, a J.D. woven in silver thread. Didn’t cost much to get done, but she’d gladly pay more. She had wanted to give him something that’s uniquely his, no one else’s. He touches the initials before opening it slowly, chuckling as he notices the message written on the first page.

Happy not your birthday. -Ronnie. She put a little doodle of a man in a kid’s party hat for good measure.

“I got you a diary,” she tells him. The words don’t fit right in her mouth, but if there’s another second of silence she’ll probably smack her head, or his, off the wall. She trails her cold hands up and down his arms. “So… what do you think?”

“I think… it’s amazing,” he replies, bursting into a smile that makes her chest lighter. “It’s perfect, oh my God I love you-”

Holy shit.

Holy freaking shit.

His mouth hangs open, eyes bulging wide. His hand reaches up and covers his mouth, cramming anything else he can say way, way down. As for her, she just freezes. Everything freezes; the clock ticking beside his bed, the cars driving through the road, the tree branches tapping against the window. Everything else freezes and one by one, it all ceases to exist until there’s just her and JD.

“I mean,” he begins shakily. “It. I mean I love it. I love this book that you got me; I love it.”

“JD,” she says quietly. “Say it again.”

“I love it,” he tells her, feigning cluelessness. He takes her hand and threads their fingers together, trying to hide behind a charming smile. Not this time. “I love it, thank you.”

“Jason.” For the first time since their first kiss, she pulls her hand out of his. Instead she takes his face and tilts it towards her. She swallows past the lump in her throat, takes a breath and asks again. “Say that again.”

“I love you,” he whispers, so careful and delicate, like he might break the words if he doesn’t handle them with care.

She’s said it to him. Not out loud, but in a million quiet ways. Maybe he heard, maybe he didn’t. Maybe he tried to say it before and she didn’t hear it. It doesn’t matter and she doesn’t care. Because he said it. He. Said. It. Not in her books, or in a fantasy or daydream, not in a movie. He said it, in her real life.

And now it’s her turn.

“I love you too,” she says.

“What?” he breathes, shaking his head lightly. She laughs a little, leaning down so her hair tickles his cheeks.

“I said, I love you too,” she tells him. She presses a kiss to his lips, then his cheek, his neck, giggling against him. She feels like she could spent all day sitting here telling him that she loves him, making up for all the time she lost when she held it back. She was holding back and it sat as a physical presence in her chest, and now it’s out in the world, mixed in with the wind and the sun. The world feels new now, golden and glittering even as a stray cloud blocks out the sun. She feels different somehow, a little stronger, a little freer.

JD grabs her waist and pulls her down to his bed, the two of them lying chest to chest. He takes her hand and kisses her fingers, light at first, and then stronger. She runs her fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face and letting her see him. It’s different from what she had thought it would be. She had expected it to be like she was on fire, that she’d pull him into a desperate kiss, hands wandering, desperate gasps and tears shed. Maybe out in the rain, when she thought she’d never see him again. That’s what it’s like in the books. Instead they’re just lying on his bed, a contented air settling over them, because he said it by accident. He’s tickling the inside of her palm and all she wants to do is lie here and talk to him, rather than melt into a passionate embrace.

There’s no doubt in her mind which one’s better.

“Can I ask you something?” he says.

“Yeah.” He breathes in deeply, his finger slowing on her palm.

“When did you know?” he asks.

“Oh.” She turns onto her side, the question catching her a little off guard. “I… I don’t know.” She shakes her head at herself, even though she’s still smiling. “I don’t really remember. It’s like… you know when you’re growing up. And you don’t realise it, but one day you just look in the mirror and you’re like ‘oh, I’m taller now’. Or like ‘my hair’s longer now’.” He nods and she moves her hand closer to him and covers his heart with it. “That’s-that’s what falling in love with you was like. We were just sitting talking, maybe in study hall or something, and I just looked at you and I went ‘Oh, hey. I’m in love with him’.” She shrugs, as though she hadn’t just dropped a game-changing word into the mix. “And I had been for… I don’t know. But it was like that.” When she looks up at him, his eyes are shining, his mouth half-open in an enchanted smile. She taps his nose with her fingertip. “Okay, fair’s fair. When did you know?” His smile then turns coy and he places hand over hers.

“The day we made brownies in your kitchen,” he says. “I just saw you with your face covered in brownie batter-”

“Courtesy of you.”

“And I thought,” he goes on. “I thought ‘woah, that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” Her cheeks turn pink. “And it made me realise, if seeing you covered in flour and cake batter and your hair was a mess was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, then I must be in love with you.”

“J,” she whispers, her voice shaking. A gentle, glowing warmth spreads flows through her like a stream and she shifts up a little and kisses him, his lips sweet against hers, tasting his giddy happiness. He gets up and moves up against the pillows, letting her lie on top of him, him kissing her head and taking her hand. This, right here, right now, is probably the most intimate they’ve ever been on this bed.

“I really do love the notebook though,” he tells her after a moment. She snorts a laugh into his chest as his fingers stroke her hand in a thoughtful rhythm. “I’m sorry about this morning. That I got so messed up about my birthday.”

“It’s okay,” she tells him. “Do you maybe want to talk about it?” He smiles into her hair before rubbing his cheek against it, taking a calm, measured breath.

“It’s just… after my mom died, my birthday became kind of a non-event,” he explains. “And even before… my mom tried to remember, just sometimes she would get so far gone… it was hard for her.” She kisses his chin as he swallows harshly. “But um… after she died, my birthday disappeared. Then in the system it got a little better, but it still didn’t feel right. It felt better to just ignore it entirely. And then… something changed.”

She wonders if that pride she feels budding in her chest is earned. It’s small compared to the overwhelming happiness she feels for him, but it’s there, and she can’t help it.

“Well then,” she says, leaning up on her elbow to look at him. “As your girlfriend, I promise to make every birthday you have from now on the best of your life.”

“You, Veronica Sawyer, are without a doubt, the best girlfriend in the world.”

And if she wasn’t in love already…

“I know,” she says playfully, pulling him up and planting a quick peck on his lips. He sighs serenely against her, rubbing his nose against hers.

“You know,” he begins. “Claire bought a cake today, if you’re hungry.”

“Oh buddy you should have led with cake.”

“Really?” he laughs. “I should have led with ‘cake’ and kept ‘I love you’ for later?”

“Yep,” she agrees. “Cake first, huge relationship developments later.” He laughs as he lets her pull him to his feet, taking a second to stroke her cheekbone and pull her in for another kiss. There’s so much said in the way his lips move against hers, in the way his hand tightens in her waist as she tilts her head to go a little deeper. So much unsaid, and he doesn’t need to say any of it.

“Come on,” he says quietly, tugging on her hand. “Let’s go.”

As she’s sitting at his kitchen table eating cake with and laughing at the smallest things and talking about school and their friends and his birthday, Veronica realises why she prefers love like this to the love stories she reads about or watches on TV. Because those ones always end, the credits always roll and the last page is always turned. Even when they live ‘happily ever after’, those stories finish. But with a little hope, and a lot of hard work, she has a feeling this one won’t.

[unbrckenwallsxinspo]

Trigger // SELF PARA

When: April 1st, after midnight

Where: Devon and Alyssa’s House

Summary: Kinsley Maxwell decides to play an April Fools prank on Devon, but it goes horribly wrong.

Trigger Warnings: Guns, mentions of death, murder, suicide, and drugs

Mentions: Devon, Ryan, Tavin, Alex, Kinsley 

@thewiildthings​

🖂 Incoming message! From: ronimaxwell@gmail.com To:devprescott88@gmail.com I found some old pics of Jade that I thought you might like to have.

A few years had passed since Jade's murder. Devon was now only a couple weeks away from his 25th birth, he was raising their daughter as a single parent, and still lived in the two story cabin home that his in-laws had helped them purchase.  He wished he could say that life was good, but deep down, there was still pain that just wouldn't disappear no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. No matter what he did, he still lived with the memory of watching Jade take her last breath.

It was after midnight in Nashville. He should've been asleep, but instead he was on his laptop, looking at the email that his mother-in-law had sent. Four pics of Jade that he'd never seen before. The first one being when she was only about four months pregnant with Alyssa and went to a late night diner with friends. The second being her with friends at a hotel about a month before she and Devon got married. The third was her wit friends atsome electronics store in a town they didn't recognize. The fourth was one that Devon had taken of her while on a lunch date after their wedding. So many good memories. No more to be made.

A year after she died, Devon tried to take his own life. Months of therapy followed until he finally stopped going. In his mind, he no longer needed the help. For a few years, that mindset worked. Until recently. Lately he'd begun to sink back into a depression, suicidal thoughts and all. Alyssa was the only reason he hadn't ended his life. She was his reason for living. Still, he was haunted by nightmares of Jade's death. He blamed himself for it happening. After all, he shouldn't have tried to escape, then the robber wouldn't have felt the need to fire his weapon. So it had to be Devon's fault, right?

"Daddy?"

He clicked out of his email and closed his laptop as soon as he saw the seven-year-old in the doorway, clinging to her teddy bear and rubbing her tired blue eyes. "Hey, love, can't sleep?"

Alyssa shook her head and climbed onto the bed, nuzzling her face against Devon's shoulder. She knew how to make him feel safer without even trying. Wrapping his arms around his little girl, he laid back against the pillows, a heavy sigh leaving his lips as he looked at the clock on his nightstand. It was 12:30 AM. He'd surely be awake until it was alright daylight out. That was often how his nights turned out.  Good thing he had tomorrow off from work.

"Daddy?"

"What's up, kiddo?" He ran his fingers through her hair, forcing himself to smile as he lovingly kissed her head. 

"Do you think I'll ever see my mommy again?"

The question was anything but simple. He believed they would see Jade in the afterlife, but he knew what Alyssa really meant, and he couldn't give her the answer she wanted. That broke his heart.

"Someday, baby." He gulped, rubbing her back. He was kind of relieved when she didn't push the issue farther. Normally she had a lot of questions about pretty much anything and everything, but he preferred that she not ask too many questions about her mom. He never had the right answers.

Their brief conversation was interrupted by something outside. Something that Devon didn't recognize. He supposed that it could have been the wind or a trashcan falling over or a bird or something, but it sounded like none of those things. So Devon's fight or flight response was quick to kick in. 

"Stay here. Try to get some sleep." He murmured as he got up from the bed. A few months after Jade died, he purchased a pistol without telling anyone. He kept it in a safe in his closet and only he knew the combination. Maybe right now he didn't need the gun, maybe there was a logical explanation, but that knocking...it didn't sound good, so of course his first reaction was self defense.

"Dad--"

"Stay here!" He whispered before he walked into the door, shutting the door behind him. He was about to head downstairs when he heard the familiar ring of his phone, which was coming from Alyssa's room. Huh. He must have left it there when he was putting her to bed earlier. 

He hurried into her room and grabbed the phone, answering with urgency. 

"Hello?!"

"Hello, friend. Remember me?"

"Who is this?!" Devon snapped as he pointed the gun in front of him, inching slowly out of the room and towards the stairs. 

"You mean you don't remember me? From the Flash Mart?"

Chills went down Devon's spine. The Flash Mart was where Jade was killed. But her killer was in prison! He couldn't possibly be calling. This had to be a joke. A sick, evil joke. 

"Come on, Devon. I met you and that lovely wife of yours for a few minutes. Lovely couple, you two were."

"Whoever you are, you better leave me alone or I'm calling the police!" He yelled before promptly hanging up. He choked back sobs as his shaking hand clutched the gun tighter, walking slowly down the stairs. To his horror, his front door was wide open, wind blowing leaves across the floor. And in the doorway was a tall, hooded figure wearing a hockey mask and holding what appeared to be a machete. A bloody machete.

BANG!

Devon didn't notice that the man had practically jumped back through the doorway in fear, as a bullet struck the floor and another at the wall. His mind was spinning, but he was focused enough to fight back against the perceived enemy. This was not happening. This was NOT happening.

"BRENDON, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE JASON VOORHEES OR SOMETHING, NOT MY SISTER'S KILLER, YOU MORONIC ASSHOLE! Tavin, seriously, get over here now. Devon's got a gun! Shit shit shit...No, I'm hiding behind the car!"

Devon paused at the sound of Kinsley's voice. He knew this was some kind of prank that she'd come up with, but his mind was racing and his muscles were so tense that somehow he still felt like there was danger. So the gun never left his hands and his finger never left the trigger as he searched the surrounding area for Kinsley's "friend."

"Devon, it was a prank!"

Devon no longer heard a word Kinsley was screaming at him. He was focused entirely on finding the asshole she'd used for said prank. The scary thing was that he wasn't even thinking of the potential consequences of his actions. He didn't think about the possibility that he might hurt or even kill someone. He was definitely not himself in that moment.

"W-where are you..." He murmured, panicked tears in his eyes. The flashbacks were playing over and over in his head, and he felt nothing except a desperate desire to protect himself and his daughter. In that moment, he wasn't at his home. He was back at that convenience store and he was fighting for his life.

He was so deeply trapped in his own mind that he didn't hear the slam of the car door a few feet away. He heard someone call his name and he cried out softly as he whipped around, pointing the gun in the direction of the voices. Then, all of a sudden, he felt a pair of arms grab him from behind, the gun falling from his hand.

"Ryan, did you just forget that he has PTSD?! You don't sneak up behind someone who--" Was that Alex or Tavin speaking? Devon had no idea. He was too busy crying and trying to get out of Ryan's grasp, panicked breaths escaping him. 

"Well, did you want him to shoot someone? Because I don't know about you, but I like liv-Thank you, Devon, for your knee making contact with Ryan Jr." Ryan groaned as he let Devon go, gripping his crotch as if that would relieve the pain Devon just inflicted upon him.

Devon was spiraling. Heavy breathing, sweat dripping down his face, barely holding back sobs as he combed his fingers through his hair. He was going insane, he was sure of it. Maybe he was even dying. At this point, he didn't mind that possibility too much. He just wanted the pain to stop. He didn't want to live in fear anymore and if dying would relieve that fear, then so be it.

"Okay, I got pot, coke, or molly. Take your pick." Dammit, Alex. No one gives a shit about your stupid drugs.

Suddenly, Devon's mood changed from fear and panick to pure anger. "Alex, I don't want your drugs. I want to take that pistol and put an end to me misery, that's what. I'm sure you can relate, right? Besides, we all know that you'd rather keep that shit for yourself."

Alex had a stricken expression on his face now and if Devon were in his right mind, he'd feel guilty. But he didn't. He didn't care if Alex got his feelings hurt. He had just as many problems as Devon did, if not more, and it was time someone called him out on it.

"Dude, that wasn't cool and you know it. Let's just...go inside, okay?" He felt Tavin's hands on his biceps and he relaxed only slightly, shaking with panic and anger as he was ushered into the house. He was close to breaking down again, but whatever. Tavin had seen him break before. In fact, he was the one person that Devon felt comfortable being vulnerable in front of. 

"I'm gonna use the restroom." He gulped, shaking off his friend's hands and hurrying into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. He took the time to look at his reflection. Messy hair that he hadn't washed in days or really maintained at all, heavy bags under his eyes, pale skin that was currently sparkling with sweat, obvious weight loss...clearly life had been kicking him in the ass and he hadn't done a damn thing to make it any better. He didn't see the point.

Momentarily, he saw Jade standing behind him, then he saw a dark, hooded figure drag her away. He sobbed as he threw a punch at the mirror, watching the glass shatter. What followed was a few knocks on the door and Tavin calling his name. Devon figured if he stayed quiet long enough, maybe he'd be left alone. But of course not. Within a few minutes, the door somehow opened. Ryan had picked the lock. Lovely.

"Dude, what the--" Tavin grabbed his hand and said something to Ryan about getting the first aid kit from the kitchen. Then he felt Tavin's arms around him and he finally broke completely, tears soaking his friend's shirt.

[midnightsnyx]

The Trouble With Faking It - Chapter 18

the trouble with faking it masterpost

my masterlist

*note: so. i did a thing. sorry lol*

 Chapter 18: go ahead and break my heart

 “telling lies to protect somebody, only destroys them in the end.”

 Something that life taught me a long time ago, is that secrets have the ability to eat you alive. I have witnessed it first hand with my family and how it tore them apart. I made a promise with myself after things settled down to never keep secrets but recently, a lie I told a long time ago just came back to bite me in the butt. And boy, did it.

It went a little something like this.

 August 5th

I knew that it was coming - the moment Clara would start questioning about her father. She is old enough to know that she should have one and she is not an idiot. Her first question when she met Tyler was if he was her dad and the look on Tyler’s face and how he nearly choked on his drink was hilarious. But her question wasn’t the least bit funny because it dug up strong questions and concerns I had been wondering lately.

First impressions are always memorable but when you’re expecting a person to look a certain way because of who they should remind you of - it’s easy to let that cloud your expectations.

Things changed the longer Clara was living with us. I began to notice things about her appearance that didn’t match up with what I thought I saw when I first met her. She immediately reminded me of Dylan the moment I saw her but the longer I watched her, the less I saw similarities to him in any way and that is when the red flags started raising.

I was never quite as careless with things as Jaxon and Axel had been way back when but my clear lack of caution was what caused the pregnancy. That said, a part of me always questioned whether or not there was an extremely teeny, tiny chance that Dylan wasn’t her father because my young, dumb self thought it was totally normal to be seeing somebody else while I wasn’t in California.

I thought it was no big deal to be seeing Jo while I was in Montreal. We were young and inexperienced - that much was clear but I never let myself even think of the chance that Jo could be her father because what were the chances, right?

The chances are very good I learned recently and it left me at crossroads.

I can very easily lie, and tell Clara that her father is somebody I met in high school and he isn’t in the picture but my fears are that she will one day go searching for answers and my lie will come in to the light.

I decided to consult with Maddie and that was definitely the wrong thing to do because she was livid.

“Are you kidding, Daisy?”

I wince, moving the phone away from my ear. I can clearly picture the disappointment on her face.

“Shh. I need you to keep it quiet, okay? I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“You don’t know what you’re going to do.” She says dryly and her tone makes me uncomfortable. “I might not be Jo’s biggest fan, but if you’re that unsure about who Clara’s father is, he deserves to know there is a chance it’s him.”

“Are you kidding?” I snap, throwing her words back. “Maddie, I’m finally in a good place with Tyler, Jo, and Clara. Do you know what that will do?”

“What will do?”

I jump out of my skin and look to see Tyler walking into the bedroom where I’m sitting on the bed.

“Nothing.” I say quickly, ending the call before Maddie can say anything. “What’s up?” I ask him and he raises an eyebrow but doesn’t push.

“Clara wants to go to the park. Did you want to come or are you still meeting Jax for lunch?” He asks.

“I would love to come but I really have to talk to Jax and sign some papers. I’ll pack you two a lunch though.”

His smile makes me weak in the knees and he kisses me before leaving the room. I take about 30 seconds (I’ve learned that is about all the time you get when you have a kid) to pull myself together before making my way to the kitchen.

Clara is sitting on an chair pulling a pair of sneakers on. She grins when she sees me and I still can’t believe how far we have come since she first came to live with us.

“Are you coming to the park, Daisy?”

But there’s still the part where she won’t call me mom, which I get - I really do - but it sucks.

“I have to meet Jax for lunch but maybe I’ll come afterwards, if you guys are still there.” I offer and she looks a little disappointed but smiles anyway which I take as a good sign.  

“Now, what would you two like for lunch?”

***

“Look, all I am saying is that it’s something worth looking into.”

I drop the papers on the table and look at Jax. “A paternity test, really?”

My brain starts to worry that he knows and I wonder if it’s showing on my face.

“If Dylan finds out about Clara and for some insane reason, decides to fight you in court for her, it would be useful to be sure he’s the father.” He looks at me skeptically. “You are sure. Right?”

It must show on my face because he groans, dropping his face into his hands. When he speaks again, it’s muffled. “Please tell me you at least know who else it could be.”

I shift uncomfortably in my chair and prepare for the blowout that is about to happen.

“Jo.” I say quietly and to my shocked surprise, Jax starts to laugh. Hard.

“Of course.” He mutters. “Of, fucking, course. Why didn’t I expect this?”

His words aren’t exactly harsh, but he’s not happy.

“I know, I messed up but I thought-”

He cuts me off. “I don’t want to know. What I do need to know is whether you’ve told him yet.”

My silence answers his question because he groans.

“Are you kidding? Tell him and see if he will agree to a paternity test.” He gathers up his papers and shoves them in a briefcase. “Call me if you need anything.”

Well. At least he’s still offering his help.

He gives me one last look and sighs. “I’ll help out where I can but this is something you might be on your own for. Keep me updated,” he says before leaving.

I let myself wallow in some self pity for about five minutes before leaving for the park. I don’t want to let Clara down now when her life is about to turn upside down.

When I get to the park, I see Tyler and Clara right away. She’s feeding ducks and he is smiling while watching her. I plop down next to him and he grins, kissing me quickly and offers me some grapes.

“Thanks.” I say, leaning back and watching Clara laugh as the ducks peck at her feet.

“How was lunch?” Tyler asks and I consider for a split second telling him what is going on but squash it. Here and now are not the right place to have a conversation like this. So I smile and lie through my teeth.

“It was great. I actually need to fly to Montreal for a day so would I be able to leave Clara with you? I’d bring her with me but she would be bored out of her mind sitting around while I have meetings.”

If he senses my lie, he doesn’t let on because he just nods easily. “Yeah, of course.”

I force a smile, hoping it looks sincere because I hate lying to him. “Thanks.”

He just nods and then Clara runs over, jumping into my arms and nearly knocks me over because she is too old for that.

“You came!”

“Of course I did. I promised, didn’t I?”

Her oblivious smile makes my heart ache because I have no idea how things are going to turn out in the next few weeks and I don’t want to hurt her more than she has been.

But I force those feelings down and let her tell me about her day, soaking in what will probably be the last good day for awhile.

 August 7th

I actually inform Jo that I am visiting this time so I know for sure that he will be home. By the time I land in Montreal, I have myself worked up and ready to tell him but when I knock on his front door and a girl answers, all confidence flies out the window and crashes on the ground.

Her smile is bright and a little on the fake side. “How can I help you?”

I immediately regret my outfit, realizing I look like a homeless person and she looks like she just walked off a runway.

“Yeah. Uh, is Jo here?”

She purses her lips and gives me a once over before nodding. “Yeah. What did you need?”

This girl is getting under my skin and I am about a minute from snapping when Jo’s face comes into view.

“Hey, Daisy.” He says and his smile relaxes me until I see the glare on hers.

I look up at the sky in regret and sigh.

***

The girl (Marie, I quickly learn) makes a fuss about leaving Jo and I alone to talk and when she finally leaves, she makes sure to give me a show of shoving her tongue down Jo’s throat like shes staking her claim and god I do not have time for this.

He looks embarrassed when she leaves and I start to realize how bad of an idea this is. I am about to literally ruin his life and it seems he might finally be getting things settled.

“So what’s up?” He asks and I had this big plan about slowly easing in to it but instead, I blurt it out right away.

“I think you’re Clara’s father.”

And his reaction is nothing like I expected because he starts laughing.

“You know it’s August, right? You’re a little late for April Fools.”

I start questioning his sanity when he laughs even harder when I don’t answer but soon it stops completely and his face drops.

“Wait a minute. Are you kidding?”

For the first time since this began, I get angry instead of embarrassed and uncomfortable.

“Will everybody quit asking me if I’m kidding?” I snap. ���Why the Hell would I joke about this? Do you know what it’s going to do to my life?”

“Your life? What about mine?” he argues and I open my mouth to say something but a high pitch voices cuts in.

“What about mine?” Marie shrieks and I lose it.

“Are. You. Kidding?” I yell and her eyes widen. “Nobody cares about what’s going to happen to your life! Who even are you? Some side candy that you have now, Jo?” I say, directing my attention to him.

“Daisy.” He warns but I shake my head.

“No. No, no, no. I’m leaving, forget I told you any of this, okay?” I stomp out of the room and out the front door like a teenager, ignoring the argument happening between Jo and Marie.

I make a point to slam the door knowing how unnecessary it is but I can’t help it. Everything has gone to Hell.

I sit in my car for a minute before driving to the one place I know I won’t be judged.

***

“Oh, honey.” My grandma says, opening the door and letting me fall in her arms as if I’m 9 again and just scraped my knee. I’ve learned since then that there are things so much worse than scraping your knee.

“I made a mistake.” I sob, and she shushes me, leading me over to sit on the couch.

“We all make mistakes.” She says. “Now, take a deep breath and tell me what happened.”

Twenty minutes and a tissue box later, I sit in front of my grandma who hasn’t judged me yet but I’m still waiting for it. She opens her mouth to say something but a knock on the door cuts her off.

“Oh my,” she mummers to herself, standing up to answer the door. When it opens, I don’t see who is standing there but my grandma sighs.

“Come in, sweetheart.”

When Jo steps in the door my body goes still and I prepare myself for him to start yelling or something but he just stands awkwardly until my grandma pushes him towards me.

It’s like we’re teenagers again and she’s making us work out some silly argument we are having.

But we’re not and it’s so much worse.

“I guess we need to talk about it.” He says, watching my grandma leave the room quietly.

“Yeah.” I shouldn’t push but I raise an eyebrow. “Where’s Marie?”

His gaze darkens and I regret asking. “She left.” I watch him shrug and sit in the chair across from me. “Something about not wanting to help raise a child.”

“I’m sorry.” I tell him but he just shakes his head.

“I know it’s not going to be easy, but I want to be in her life. However you want me to be.”

“We have to get a paternity test first.” I tell him and he nods.

“Yes. Anything.” He says and my heart breaks thinking about how things could be but there’s no use in thinking that now. We have a huge mess to work out.

“I have a couple things to do and then I’ll set up the appointment.”

He looks at me curiously. “You haven’t told him.” he says and I shake my head, shamefaced.

“He deserves to know, Daisy. Especially how he’s taken such a role in stepping up to help with Clara.”

I nod, dreading the conversation.

“Did you want me to come?” Jo asks softly and I smile for the first time in a few days.

“I appreciate your offer but this is a conversation I’ve got to have alone with him.”

Jo only nods in understanding, letting me walk him to the door.

“I’m sorry again about Marie,” I say.

“Don’t worry about it.”

He hugs me before leaving and I stand in the door as he drives away, thinking about how big of a mess I’ve made.

 August 9th

I take an extra day before heading back to Dallas. Tyler and Clara pick me up from the airport and I can tell that Tyler notices how exhausted I look because he keeps giving me worried glances as we drive home.

I listen to Clara babble about what she and Tyler have been doing the past couple days. It’s past her bedtime by the time we’re home and she’s drowsy enough that Tyler carries her inside and puts her in bed. I tuck her in before walking downstairs to find him sitting in the living room, reading.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asks quietly.

I take a deep breath and sit next to him. “I need you to promise you won’t be mad.”

“You know I can’t promise you that, Daisy.”

I do know but I can hope anyway. When I start explaining everything, starting from the beginning, his face slowly falls.

“You lied.” He says, cutting me off.

“I didn’t lie to you, I told you that-”

“You told me that you knew exactly who her father is and that he was out of the picture,”

“I only recently considered the fact that it might be Jo-”

“No, you don’t just randomly think something like that, you had to have considered that before.”

I try grasping for strings, realizing that this is going downhill faster than I can stop it.

“Tyler-”

“You lied, Daisy.” He says, and I get angry.

I scoff. “Yeah, because you’ve never lied to me about anything before.”

“Never about something this big!” He snaps and I glare at him.

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. “You’re not her father, so why do you care this much?”

“You’re right. I’m not, but I would have liked to be.”

My heart drops to my stomach when I realize he means it. I should have known because he has been the father figure in her life since she’s stayed with us. I always knew he was good with kids but never considered that he might have wanted his own someday.

And now I do, but not the way I wanted to find out.

“I have to get out of here.” He mutters, getting up and walking to our bedroom.

“Tyler-”

“Stop.” He says, halting me in my tracks. I can only watch from the doorway of our room as he stuffs clothes and other necessities in a duffle bag. He tosses his passport on top of it.

I trail after him as he makes his way to the door until he swings around and glares at me.

“Wait, Tyler-”

“What?” He snaps.

“Don’t go. Please.” I whisper and he shakes his head and turns to leave. I grasp his wrist and for a split second, I think he might stay but he shakes my hand off and walks out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

“Mom?”

I spin around to see Clara standing at the bottom of the steps. She’s frowning and I wonder how much of that she heard.

“Hey jellybean.” I say, walking over to her.

“Is Tyler gone?” She asks, sounding confused and I force myself to hold it together.

“Yeah.”

She looks at me with wide eyes. “Will he be back?”

I should tell her the truth because she deserves it but I can’t.

So I break my promise again, smiling softly and hugging her.

“Yeah, he’ll be back.”

It’s all lies, my darling.

----------------

a/n: not sure if anybody remembers but jellybean is what daisys dad called her so i thought id throw that in there to break all our hearts

also, there was NEVER a plan to have jo be claras dad but i thought it would be interesting to see how that would play out

let me know what you guys think! thanks for reading <3

- alex

[malcolmbrights-a]

ALEX AND ADELE FOR THAT SHIP MEME

@outfromthesea

where was their first date ?:  alex and adele’s first date was at a fancy ass restaurant with meals that cost like hundreds of dollars. it made alex uncomfortable as fuck because he honestly isn’t that guy and was only really trying to impress adele since she seemed like she deserved that type of date. but he began to notice that adele looked uncomfortable, too, so when he noticed that he brought up the two of them leaving the restaurant to go grab a beer and a burger from a pub. she was quiet at first but then she agreed and they ended up enjoying themselves a lot better.

what my muse would do to cheer your’s up: alex would make her some coffee or tea. he'd then sit beside her and either talk to her about random things, or he'd read to her. the things he'd read to her are probably cheesy girly magazines since you said she liked those. like Alex thinks they're garbage but he'd do anything for her, including read them. same goes for bad romance novels. he wouldn't care for them, but he'd read them to her cause he loves her. the things he be doing for love, i guess lol

who wakes the other up with kisses ( and where ) ?: both of them for sure. in the beginning, not-so much Alex. his wife wasn't affectionate at all and wasn't really a fan of kissing and holding hands at all, and truly wasn't affectionate in general. so, in the beginning, Alex assumes that maybe adele is like that, too. well, you know, until he wakes up with her kissing up his neck and jaw. and as it continued as a thing when they spent tonight with each other, he ended up waking her up with kisses too - and occasionally (with her permission) would wake her up with oral. 

who would pour water on the other to wake them up ?: lmfao God adele. It's probably a joke on between her and Fletcher on April Fools Day, since Alex and Fletcher prank each other on April Fool's Day, and Fletcher would want her on his team since she is mom now. Mom must defeat dad in the prank war. She MUST

how my muse would wake your’s up: usually Alex gently nudges Adele awake after he's been up for around thirty minutes making breakfast and coffee. We haven't talked about whether or not she's easy to wake, but if she isn't he probably tickles her awake cause he's a little shit. But also he's seen that method work with people in the past. 

who would start a food fight while baking or cooking ?: I'm imagining him and adele baking for a fundraiser at fletcher's school. They start off talking and being serious about it, but after the third dozen of cupcakes and cookies, they're a bit in a daze from tiredness and it being around two am. so one of them ends up throwing flour at the other and it turns into an all out war that ends up with them making out on the counter, fletcher walking in going "we you have a room" and them laughing so hard they cry,

who would suggest putting marijuana in the brownies ?: i don't know if adele does pot but Alex would do this lmfao. He's pure chaotic energy for a lawful type

who said i love you first and how ( or when ) did they say it ?: adele said it first. they were playing put put on a date and were having a deep conversation by a statue of the Eiffel Tower and she just blurts it out. Alex is completely shocked and opens and closes his mouth to say something, but he fails to say anything for a bit cause nothing about that moment seemed real. Why? Well, before then he knew Adele would say it, he knew he loved her, and he just wasn't sure if he was rushing things by saying so. So when she said that she loved him, he couldn't believe it. But after a look of disappointment from Adele, he grins at her, hugs her, and tells her while he hugs her that he loves her back, and it's really cute - which is weird from mr srs business

who would get into a physical altercation over the other ?: omg even though Alex is a missing person's detective he isn't afraid of breaking the law from time to time. I can see the two of them going for a walk downtown after a date, and some guy grabs her ass an laughs. Adele is offended by it and tells Alex, who stops him and insists he apologize. The guy makes a disgusting comment, and Alex just decks a bitch because just disrespected his woman when he could've just gone and minded his own business. Also like he bets this causes the guy to avoid touching ANYONE without their permission 

who insists on purchasing a pet together ( and what kind of pet ) ?: adele, maybe? Alex already has a labrador retriever and a parakeet,  so it never occurs to him to get a new pet. But then Adele and Fletcher bring up the idea of buying another animal, and at first he's conflicted, but since he's weak for his wife and son, he says yes lmfao they even get the pet the next day because he doesn't want them to wait

who is louder ( in and out of bed ) ?: idk kayla you tell me. I don't think Alexander really makes much noise un bed? So maybe Adele? But he does make noise sometimes. Just not always cause he'd rather hear her

who takes more risks ( in and out of bed ) ?: Alex. He's a fucking daredevil. 

who would bring up the word ‘daddy’ first ?: no one, he thinks that's a boner killer.

what is their shared, favourite kink ?: Listen Kayla, I want to say something saucy but we haven't discussed this so I truly do not know.. Also alex ain’t sayin shit

describe their typical kiss: their kisses  are usually short, yet passionate, depending on how busy they are, what they're doing, and whether or not they're relaxing 

how my muse shows their love for your’s: simple things like telling her he loves her. leaving her breakfast and coffee out when he has to go to work early. Telling her how wonderful she is. Nose kisses. When he wraps his arms around her and kisses the side of her neck.

their favourite ways to give affection: nose kisses and forehead kisses are Alex's go-tos. That and wrapping his arms around her and kissing up her neck 

who is more dominate ?: Alex but this isn't Marty and Aurora lmfao 

who sings in the shower ?: Adele and Alex thinks it's cute. Sometimes he'll stand by the bathroom door while walking by just to hear her sing. He acts like he didn't hear whenever she comes out later on.

who washes the other’s hair in the shower ?: Alex washes Adele's hair and he enjoys the sensations he gets when Adele arches back as he moves his fingers. It is extremely sexy to him.

who initiates shower sex despite being in a rush ?: Alex because she looked so please and it looks hot so ofc he has to have sex with her. He'd lose his mind otherwise lmfao. Think of her like that ALL day

who teases the other under the table at dinner with the family ?:  none of them idk?

who has the weirder taste in music ?: idk Alex listens to anything, so maybe him? idk him too well

who would initiate dancing in the rain ?: Adele does. Their car probably shut down by a field somewhere and it rains. Adele gets this really sweet idea to dance in the rain. Alex thinks she's joking, but when he realizes she's not, he thinks it's a fun and romantic idea. They end up kissing while they dance in the rain 

who would be the one to suggest marriage ?: Alex. Holy shit, he fell fast and hard 

what would they name their children ?:  If they have a girl something soft ! But idk

who would their children take after more ?: Maybe both of them?

[carmintros]

@ariwalters     /      ❛   ｡   ✩   ﾟ my eyes are probably playing tricks on me again, but is that really  awsten knight? oh, wait, it’s just  adrian “ari” lance walters. yes, that  twenty-four  year old  drummer, who i am pretty sure is a  visitor. according to the talk of the town, he is incredibly  flighty & unpredictable, yet undeniably  outgoing & adventurous. that is precisely why  a playground at dawn, a carnival ride that just keeps spinning, chasing waves on a beach, laughing until you cry & jackson pollock paintings  remind me of them so much, but then again you know what they say about  leos, we’ll see how that one turns out !   penned by kit  /  mst & they / them

car crash tw, ptsd tw, alcoholism tw

Ari Walters

Age: 24

Gender: Non-binary, he/him

[Between the Bars] - “Haha, not totally sure why this one comes to mind but like everyone says it’s like me with alcohol and stuff but I don’t really see it, I think I’m fine.”

D.O.B: August 15, 1995

Why the name Ari?

“Oh! I was named after my dad ‘cept he was always called Adrian so they called me Ari so no one got confused or anything!! It always worked really good too!”

Ethnicity: white

Relationship Status: In multiple relationships “I fall a little in love with everyone, I think, because everyone is beautiful and wonderful. I’m kind of the classic definition of poly, lol. People underestimate how much communication that takes though!”

Sexual Orientation: pan “Like I said, I fall in love with everyone! I can’t help it, haven’t you ever watched someone go about their life and you can just tell if they’re gentle or rough, if they need love or if they’re loved, et cetera? I love it and I love them.”

Appearance:

Height: 5’7

Ari resembles a puppy with ADHD. He is constantly moving, constantly engaged with the world and constantly interacting with everyone around him. He has to be active. If he sits still he might fall asleep and he still gets nightmares of the wreck.

His signature ‘thing’ has been his dyed hair for years. He doesn’t think he would recognize himself without it at this point. He thought about dying it back to brown for April Fools day one year but realized it’s been so long since seeing his real hair that he didn’t remember what color to get to match his roots.

Ari has an almost compulsive seeming need to be the most colorful person in any space he’s in. He wants to stand out and he does so by being a walking color wheel. Strangely, he manages to make his outfits cohesive.

You can’t get too close to Ari without noticing how tired he always looks. His eyes are always a little swollen and bloodshot and his skin has the uncomfortable thin appearance of someone much older or much sicker than him. If he’s asked about it he jokes that he’s just ugly (though most people would agree he is anything but ugly).

History:

Ari can split his life into a perfect before and after the wreck.

Before. Ari had a perfectly wonderful childhood. He was loved and taken care of in his historical Boston home. His dad taught Marine Biology at Harvard, his mom was the perfect socialite and Ari and his sisters were happy

His days consisted of school and drawing and going to the beach with his dad to learn about the animals. If Ari was to assign an emotion to that period of his life it would be love. If he had to assign a color it would be pink.

His life before was like something from a 50s sitcom. It was perfect. He knows rationally that he’s seeing through rosy lenses. He thinks he remembers his dad having an affair. He knows his sister and he argued a lot and he was such a mischievous child it kept him in trouble a lot of the time. He knows this. But it feels different. It feels idyllic compared to after.

His entire world shattered when he was 13. His family shouldn’t have even been out. If only he hadn’t argued with his sister. If only he had just set the table then maybe his dad wouldn’t have suggested eating out. Maybe if his mom and little sister had been home instead of in California they could have told his dad no, it wasn’t their day for eating out and they would all be fine eating at the house. Maybe if his sister hadn’t forgotten her phone and made them turn back so she could retrieve it because she was so scared of missing a text from her boyfriend.

Maybe….

Maybe they wouldn’t have been crossing the intersection when the other driver plowed through it. Maybe they wouldn’t have spun out and hit another car. Maybe his dad and his sister and the little boy from the other car and the driver who caused it all would still be alive. Maybe…

After. Ari doesn’t remember the crash itself. He doesn’t remember seeing his father’s body crushed against the interior of their car even though he’s since been told he was trying to pull him out. He doesn’t remember his sister’s glassy, dead stare though he was told he screamed at her to wake up. He doesn’t remember the ambulance ride but he’s told he fought the paramedics to try to get to his family.

He doesn’t remember getting to the hospital and being admitted.

He only starts remembering sitting in that big hospital room alone for what felt like hours (he knows now that it was only a few minutes at a time) while nurses bustled past the door outside trying to focus on the lives that were at risk after the crash. Even still, the evening comes in flashes. A teary eyed woman with a heavy accent telling him his mom would be there soon and rubbing his back. A doctor, young and frazzled, bursting into his room to tell the cops to leave and stop asking him about it. The smell of oil and burning metal seared so strongly into his skin it made his head hurt.

He remembers the funeral. Closed casket, both buried at the same time. He remembers packing up the house and selling it and moving to New York. He doesn’t think he felt real during that time. He kept waiting to wake up and find out it was just a terrible dream. Part of him still hopes he wakes up.

–

His mom didn’t try to neglect his mental health when they moved. Despite having help from family she still had to take on two jobs, she had two children to raise alone and she had just lost her husband and little girl. It was hard to be everything Ari needed her to be too.

She did her best. He was sent to a mental health clinic and given regular therapy sessions for a while where he was diagnosed with PTSD and a trauma based phobia regarding riding in cars.

She put him in music lessons to give him an outlet. She enrolled him in an arts high school so he could find similarly minded creative young people and hopefully make friends in their new city.

It didn’t really work. You can’t throw a shattered kid back into society and expect them not to drown. And Ari drowned.

When he was almost 15 he tasted alcohol for the first time at a sleepover. The idea of it had fascinated him since the wreck. How could one liquid be so influential that it would lead you to kill other people? What did it feel like to slip into a haze that strong.

His first sip was revolting. It burned on the way down and he was convinced he could still feel it burning his stomach. He almost put the bottle up and gave up on learning its allure. Something about it still called to be explored and who was Ari to say no?

He snuck the bottle into his bag and drank a little more the next day after school. Just enough to feel warm again and for his brain to quiet and center just a little bit more.

The alcohol made everything better. He felt more human again when he was tipsy. It didn’t take long for Ari to begin to crave it just to function. He started stealing it from his mom’s cabinet and then from the sweet old lady who paid him to take her groceries upstairs. When he was caught stealing from them he started trying to steal it from stores.

He was caught right away, of course, but not by an employee. Instead he was caught by a tall, average looking man in his early 30s. The man, who Ari soon learned was named Sean, offered to buy the alcohol for Ari and invited Ari over to drink with his girlfriend Eliana. Ari agreed immediately.

That night he lost his virginity to the pair. The two adults offered to keep Ari’s alcohol supply always filled so long as he continued to sleep with them. Ari instantly agreed.

—-

After he started drinking he somehow managed to pull his grades up. He felt real when he was drunk. He felt functional. He could do his coursework and practice the drums and paint and even explore New York. He quickly fell in love with the city and learned how to navigate his borough on his skateboard. He learned what buildings he could sneak into and hookup with classmates in without being caught, all the best places for graffiti and where the coolest homeless people hung out.

As Ari progressed through his teenage years his ‘adventures’ got crazier. He broke into the zoo ones and barely escaped getting caught. He hitchhiked out of the city and spent a weekend far upstate before calling his mom from a payphone and getting her to pick him up. He smuggled paint into his homeroom and painted an abstract mural on the teacher’s desk.

Not everything was illegal. He once snuck into an early morning wholesale flower market and convinced a florist to buy him enough white roses to leave one on every grave in The Cathedral Basilica of St. James cemetery and even convinced some of his friends to help him distribute them. He raised money once and bought everyone at his school pizza for lunch so “the lunch people get a day off.”

When he was asked to play drums for a new band that was forming he had to say yes. It was just a chance at another adventure.

—-

He never expected them to get as famous as they did. He figured they would disband rapidly and he could go to college for marine biology. Like his dad. Obviously, that didn’t happen.

Miraculously for all of Ari’s adventures and alcoholism he didn’t have any major scandals during the bands active time. He left that for Jae.

Instead he tried to fly under the radar. He didn’t want anyone picking up on his issues. He maintained his alcoholism, adventured in the cities they toured through and focused on art when they weren’t making music.

—

Slowly he began to tire of not remembering as much of his life as he wanted to. People Ari had no memory of would come up to him as though they knew him. He got an STI without even knowing who it was from. He woke up in places he had never seen before. He destroyed things in his house and drove people away.

The catalyst came just before the band was put on hiatus and he was approached by an ex. Apparently during a drunken escapade he hadn’t used protection and had gotten the girl pregnant a few years ago. She’d had the baby and suddenly he was being asked if he wanted to be a father. He didn’t, of course, but he also didn’t want this to ever happen again.

Ari used the move to California as a chance to change everything. He swore he was going sober and wouldn’t return to the lifestyle he’d had before.

—

Now, freshly sober in California, he’s trying to figure out how to balance his new life. He’s still adventuring but it looks different without drinking. He isn’t sure if he likes it or not.

Personality -

“Ari is a rollercoaster. It could get exhausting except you don’t see him that often since he’s dating half the town at any given time. But he’s a blast anyway, especially when he’s sober enough to know up from down. You will have the most wild dates with him but you’ll have the time of your life. He rented a barn once and hired a band so we could have a ‘good old fashioned barn dance’ because he’d just seen one in a movie. It was insane. Best date of my life. That’s why it’s such a shame that he drinks so much. When he’s sober or only tipsy he’s amazing but the more drunk he gets the more the shine wears away. We actually broke up because he punched a hole through a mirror once and cried that he hated how he looked. I just… couldn’t do that. I hate it but I couldn’t.” Jessica B, ex-girlfriend.

Ari is the pinnacle of a yes-man. He agrees to almost everything so long as no one is hurt and he seems very morally grey. So long as no one gets hurt he’s down to try anything. He is high energy and always seems super cheerful. Ari is the kind of person who draws others to him just by how cheery and upbeat he is.

Ari is a romantic at heart. He says he falls in love with everyone and it honestly feels true. He sees something beautiful in everyone he meets and so he always dates multiple people at a time. It helps that he needs company all the time or the negative emotions he’s pushed away since he was a teenager begin to come creeping up.

He can never let that creep up. When it does it overwhelms him and he feels as scared and as lost as he did the entire year following the crash. He doesn’t talk about those emotions and he definitely doesn’t acknowledge that anything is wrong even when it’s exhausting to keep the smile. He doesn’t want to validate them and make them real. Ari will do anything to keep himself from ever feeling that sad and broken again.

It’s part of why he’s such an adrenaline junkie. His thrill seeking is one of the things he’s most known for in his fame. He has an adventure list a mile wide with everything from “Show up at an airport and take the next flight wherever it goes” to “scattering change along the city streets for people to find.”

Hobbies:

Art. Ari loves abstractivism and unconventional art. One of his projects that he was working on before coming to Carmel was saving every bottle from every drink he had over the course of a year so he could display it as a piece. He wasn’t sure about the title for it yet.

Exploring

Going on dates and adventures

He really wants to get a normal job because he thinks it would be hilarious to, say, work at a deli or diner because he’s technically a rock star.

Health:

Ari has PTSD. He doesn’t acknowledge it but it definitely impacts his ability to exist normally. He’s terrified of cars (he still doesn’t drive but he claims it’s because he would rather just skateboard everywhere) and he acts more recklessly to try to distract from it.

Physically he’s actually pretty healthy (aside from his chronic exhaustion). He eats well and works out, now that he’s quit drinking (besides a few relapses here and there) he is largely a super healthy individual.

wanted connections

Partners!!!! Ari is pan and poly so he is down for however many partners he has at any given time. He loves going on dates and hooking up. The more the merrier as far as he’s concerned, too!

Baby-mama. Ari found out he got someone pregnant and it was the largest catalyst for sobriety. They have a rocky relationship regarding the child because Ari really doesn’t feel ready to be a dad but I’m open to if they’re civil or uncivil outside of that.

Confidant. Everyone needs someone they can trust. Even Ari, who’s close relationships never seem to get past sleeping together and casual dating. This can be a friend, a friend of a friend or even someone he’s sleeping with.

[likeshipsonthesea]

If you're still doing prompts can I ask for 54 and 98 for either Nurseydex or whiskeynurseydex

i am still doing prompts! however, this is the last one for the mash-ups, and I have a bunch of the “straight to the good part” prompts i need to fill, and i have tons of hw to get done and a midterm to study for, so no more prompts for a bit. but thanks to you, and to everyone else, who sent them in. they made me very happy :)

for the au mash-up prompts, 54. Secret Relationship and 98. Curses. for nurseydex bc while i love that someone wants me to write something other than nurseydex, i suck at poly. so here we go!

let’s set the scene; on a warm spring day in late april, a christening was held.

this christening was not your average christening. there was no priest, no water, no religious symbolism as far as the eye could see. the pews (because it was held in a church, but only for size reasons) were not filled with daintily dressed grandmothers and bored nephews tugging at their too-tight ties. no these pews were filled with an arrangement of gorgeous goblins with glittering fingers full of jewels, djins bearing gifts of gold and sirens come out of the water to get a glimpse of the breathtaking nurse child recently borne unto the lovely trio of parents

(nursey’s mother (bio) descends from a long line of magic-adjacents, fortune tellers and psychics and the like. she particularly has charged dreams, one of which predicted the birth of her son, derek, the day before she met the father. nursey’s father (bio, and aro, so platonically in love with his mother) is just really really charming, like there was probably a veela way back in his family line, so now his powers manifest in closing business deals and making people swoon. nursey’s mama (non-bio, but wife of his mother) is a witch, plain and simple, and all the women in her family tracing back to ancient times were witches, too.)

so on the day of this christening, the reason for this christening, was for all the various magical relatives and friends to come and wish good fortune upon this trifecta of a magic child.

there was only one problem.

“he was born on valentine’s day?” nursey’s mama’s mother yells, in a private room within the church, exactly seven minutes before the event will begin.

nursey’s mama winces. “this is why we didn’t want to tell you.” nursey’s mother and father stand just behind her, supportive, but cowering slightly under the ire of such a great witch.

nursey’s grandmama then begins speaking rapid (angry) spanish, many of which are curses (which, incidentally, are some of the few words nursey’s mother and father recognize) and nursey’s mama tries to placate her to no avail.

the reason for this, you see, is because being born on the day of love is a curse unlike no other. centuries and centuries ago there was an etiquette established that magic would not interfere in the ways of love (that, and death, but that’s a story for another time) because love was too sacred. platonic, romantic, familial love, all of it, was a bond stronger than even the most powerful of dark magicks, and it was forbidden to be tampered with.

then the whole valentine fiasco happened and a curse was placed upon the day that all magickal babies born unto it would be cursed with a strife-torn love life.

“how could you let this happen?” nursey’s grandmama finally yells, ending her tirade.

the three parents exchange a look. mama turns back to her mother and winces. “we forgot?”

though all of nursey’s parents are magic in their own way, and believe to an extent the lore of their peoples, the valentine’s day curse seemed like one of those tales magickal parents tell their kids to entertain them at bedtime. what kind of magic would a day full of gross chocolates and plastic presents really hold? valentine’s day was a joke.

but in the afterwards, with their darling son derek asleep in his (secretly runed) hospital crib, they all remembered the date and winced simultaneously at the thought of telling their families. mom’s family took it okay– they had always lived on the fringes of magic, and therefore only took to it partially– and dad’s family is so far away from the truly magickal aspect of their heritage that they merely shrugged it off. they knew mama’s family would not react the same.

and so the christening was held, still, and the gifts were bestowed, but mama’s family– her strong and sturdy mother, the short but fierce grandmother, and the wrinkled and curled great-grandmother with no teeth and a magickal slap that would still knock you out– gave gifts that were pointed.

“you shall find solace in the magickal world,” nursey’s grandmother said, rubbing her thumb to his forehead. “we will love you like no one else.”

“you will have an unparalleled empathy,” his great-grandmother whispers, tickling his toes. “you will love like no other.”

and his great-great-grandmother, weathered and wizened and full of an untapped power, smiles her gummy grin at him and tells him, “despite it all, you will be loved. you will have one great love, my boy, and you will have the fight to keep it. i promise you this.”

and so it was true.

*~*~*

flash-forward to twenty years later.

“fuck off, poindexter,” nursey says, grinning, as he lightly hip-checks dex into the boards. dex rolls his eyes beneath him helmet, but nursey can see the smile tugging at his lips.

“stop fooling around, you two!” bitty yells, from across the ice. “we have a frozen four to prepare for!”

the d-pair exchanges a grin and sets off.

it’s nearing the end of their junior year. it’s been–eventful. living together at that stage did not work (nursey reeling from the loss of hockey, dex recovering from the aftermath of The Kiss, neither of them particularly ready to accommodate another person’s trauma with their own) and dex moving out felt like an ending neither of them wanted but neither of them knew how to fix–or could fix, for a while

and they worked for it– worked for this– when they got back from break. hockey was a good starting point–despite the rest of it, they always worked well on the ice. from there, they learned a language they would tolerate, one without sounds and without the capacity for anger. they worked out together, silent, pushing one another without directly doing so. they would perform their chores without a word, working together, clinical and efficient.

they began to find a rhythm, and with that, their words. dex explained in starts and stops how quiet it got back home after they all knew his captains were in love (and how he was okay with it, probably too okay, will couldn’t be– he wasn’t– right?) and nursey gestured nervously as he explained how hockey had been the one thing he could always come back to, even when the words weren’t coming out right, and how strained his parents had become since mama had flown back to chile to deal with the death of her great-grandmother, leaving mom and dad without their third part

and things got–better, slowly. and they can chirp without malice and kill it on the ice and smile at each other over team breakfast and it’s– it’s good. finally.

“fuck that’s good,” nursey groans, throwing his head back against the wall of dex’s basement hideaway so he doesn’t focus too heavily on the orange head bobbing below because he knows he would come too quickly, then.

okay, maybe it’s more than just “good”

maybe after a few roadies sharing a room, after some late-night tipsy conversations in the reading room, maybe after a stumble-step kiss and too little reservations, they fell into bed together and fit and some other things fell into place, too. whatever. it’s good. it’s–chill.

and in the afterward, after they’ve both gotten off and cuddled for as long as they dare and nursey creaks his way back up to his lonely room, if nursey wishes that they didn’t have to hide, it’s whatever. they both agreed to this. it’s still the best way to handle the tentativeness of this thing between them

not that they don’t love or trust their friends or whatever, it’s just it took them so long to get here to get to a place where they can talk, or at least communicate in their way, when things get hard. they’ve carved out a space for themselves and if anyone else touches it or sees it or–god forbid– judges it, well. they don’t know if they can keep it stable when the world outside tries to shake it.

but then it happens– then the final four comes and they make it, they make it to the last game and it’s gone into overtime and they all want it so badly, for themselves for bitty and then nursey sees the opening and sends it to whiskey who shoots down the ice towards the opposing goal and bits is right there, ready, and nursey can see it happening like a premonition

(sidenote: it actually is a premonition. nursey’s powers manifest in clumsy charm and slightly precognitive powers. it’s great in bed bc he experiences orgasms twice, but we’re not talking about that now)

and bitty tucks it in right behind the goalie’s leg and the buzzer screams and they all shoot into one another in this giant hug of energy and bliss and camaraderie

(and even if nursey didn’t have dex, even if they hadn’t worked it out, he would still have this, still have this unending unquestionable love for his teammates, reciprocated and stronger than any curse could hope to be)

and then nursey sees dex, helmet gone and smile wide, and he pulls nursey in to this tight tight hug and nursey can’t help it. he says it. says, “i love you,” right in dex’s ear, loud enough over the roar of the win, and dex pulls back, smile now down turned but wide, disbelieving, his eyes shining with– fuck.

“i love you too,” dex says, but nursey can only read his lips, and he wants to hear the words, he wants to hear the proof, but that comes later, after the locker room and the parties and the euphoria dies down.

quiet in dex’s basement bed, lying together, mussed and elated;

“you sure?” nursey asks into dex’s chest, not even quite sure if dex is awake or he said it loud enough to hear, or if he wanted dex to hear.

“yes,” dex says, sleepy but resolute. “i love you.”

nursey smiles, and falls asleep with the smile on his face.

*~*~*

that’s all well and good and all, but then they have to deal with The Families. dex’s takes it surprisingly– neutral. they accept nursey and are kind to him, but they stumble over things like room arrangements and call nursey dex’s “friend” enough times to prick at dex’s skin, but they try. “that’s all i can really ask for, you know?” dex says, on an abandoned beach later, just the two of them and the waves, and nursey hears the ‘i wish i could ask for more, i wish they could be better’ but instead of responding to that, he just hugs him close. it’s the answer dex needed, anyway.

the harder part is nursey’s family. they’ve always been hesitant about him dating anyone– they were suspicious of shitty for the longest time but finally realized that he was straighter than straight could be and let their suspicions go– and nursey knows about the curse of his birthday (how couldn’t he, with all the family birthday parties full of sad shakes of heads and pitying looks) but, like his parents, tried to believe it wasn’t true

(and maybe, one day, he’ll see the truth of it, but right now he’s too happy to speculate on things that have gone by)

mama, back now from her hometown, squints at dex all through dinner. she is the most magic of them all, and is attempting to use said magic to read dex for his intentions.

dex chews awkwardly and hopes that he isn’t upsetting any rich people customs he doesn’t know about. nursey, along with his mom and dad, attempt to derail the staring to no avail.

after dinner, after dessert and dex offering to help clean and thoroughly charming nursey’s father, and talking about nerdy science things with nursey’s mom and making her laugh, nursey is pleasantly full of food and love and then is instantly ripped from this feeling by his mama, who pulls him into the hall and hisses, “he’s magic.”

“what? dex isn’t magic.”

mama’s eyes are wider than nursey has ever seen them. he’s appropriately scared. “yes he is,” she insists. “i can smell it on him.”

“what? mama, stop smelling my boyfriend.”

but mama doesn’t let it go, not that night or after college, when he and dex move into an apartment in nyc together, or even later, when dex proposes one sleepy morning in bed and nursey cries and they have great sleepy-sex to the sound of their next door neighbor’s complaintive wall-pounding

the wedding is, unfortunately, a large affair. there are more poindexters than any tree could hold and “if we don’t invite ever last magickal acquaintance we’ll upset the whole community, derek” (said by his mom over a table full of potential invitees who all end up receiving save the dates)

and the wedding is, of course, beautiful, despite all of the craziness, the cake is divine (”i can’t believe that boy doesn’t have any magic,” mama says, shaking her head as she has her third piece of cake) and view (on a beach in maine, less travel for the poorer attendees) is gorgeous, even if dex kind of secretly wanted a winter wedding instead of a summer one (”we’ll go somewhere cold for the honeymoon,” nursey assured him, eyes twinkling, “we’ll be staying inside for the most part, anyway”) and all the magickal guests (glimmered to hide their more, um, unique aspects) enjoy it immensely.

but then nursey’s great grandmother and dex’s great grandmother find each other. the commotion draws the attention of everyone in the wedding party and dex and nursey approach, cautious, wondering if it’s the gay thing or something worse, only to find the two old women embracing and laughing.

“wut.” everyone, literally everyone, says, watching the interaction.

turns out, dex comes from a family with a decent amount of selkie blood in it. he can’t personally become a seal or anything (”what the fuck,” he says, staring at his little grandmother’s wrinkled, leathery, seal body) but he’s better in the water than most and can hold his breath for a really long time (”oh” nursey exclaims, after this is revealed, “that’s why you’re so good at eat-” dex manages to clap a hand over his mouth just in time.)

and since dex’s great grandmother is a selkie, she has relatives that are more involved in the magickal community than she is, and when she was a little girl, got dragged all around the world to christenings and birthdays and what have you.

and who was her childhood companion, the one who entertained her at all of these boring events? yup, you guessed it, nursey’s great grandmother.

“well, this has been a weird day,” dex says, later that night, in the hotel room they got nearby. “you’re magic, i’m magic, and our great-grandmothers were besties.”

“did you just say besties?”

“it’s been a weird day let me have this.”

and despite all the weirdness, they really do have a nice life together. nursey’s great grandmother was right–it’s a constant battle, but what love isn’t? it’s not a draining battle, it makes nursey better, constantly pushes him to be the best version of himself he can be, and the result–being with dex in all the little moments and the big– is so worth all the energy expended in the process.

and maybe it’s the curse. maybe the curse made them this way, but maybe it didn’t. maybe it’s just what they both needed, maybe dex would have been it for him no matter what day he was born. nursey likes to think so, anyway. curses and secrets and whatever– how could there ever be a world where he and dex didn’t end up here?

forget magic, that’s what’s really unbelievable.

[pinkstarbeam]

The girl down the road has cancer (A plance AU)

DISCLAIMER: THIS AU CONTAINS SENSITIVE TOPICS SUCH AS THE FOLLOWING; CANCER (SPECIFICALLY LEUKEMIA), NEEDLES USED FOR MEDICATION, DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, HOSPITALS, AND JUST OVERALL A REALLY FEELS FILLED AU THAT YOU ALL ASKED FOR. ENJOY THE PAIN I’VE WRITTEN FOR YOU, YOU HEATHENS (Love you guys tho o3o~<3)

Lance had lived in the same neighborhood his whole life so when a new family was moving in down the road it immediately peeked the interest of the seventeen year old

With a pie from his Mother in hand that served as a ‘Welcome to the neighborhood’ he walked to the newly occupied house and rang the bell

Matt, the eldest son of the Holt family answered the door which relieved Lance as most the occupants of the neighborhood were retired couples mixed with empty nesters 

“I’d invite you in, but we are still unpacking and my parents want to ‘De-Germ’ themselves before going to see my sister.” Matt joked

“Is your sister a germaphobe or something?” Lance joked back

Matt’s smile faltered “Oh uhm..No..She’s sick.”

“Sick?” Lance asked feeling bad for the joke he made

“Yeah, she was recently diagnosed with Leukemia, she’s in the children’s hospital here because, they specialize in it, hence why we moved here.”

“Oh man...Well tell her that she’s in my families thoughts and prayers.”

Matt’s smile returned a bit “Thanks, Katie will be happy to hear we’ve already met some nice neighbors.”

Just then Matt’s Mom called and the two parted ways

Returning home Lance laid on his bed as he stared at his family portrait on is bedside table, he had no idea how he would handle it if any of his family members ended up getting that sick, the mere thought was enough for tears to sting his eyes. He decided in that moment that when he could, he would go see Katie and do his best to help her though this as a new friend whenever he didn’t have to be elsewhere.

In the hospital Katie sat listening to the machines around her, the constant beeping would have driven any normal person mad, but thanks to growing up around computers she was fairly used to all the many noises they could make

Looking towards her door she watched as one of her doctor came in “You better be here with peanut butter cookies Shiro.”

Shiro laughed as he took a seat on his stool “I’ll see what I can do about getting you some later, for now I need to ask you how you’re feeling right now before we start your first chemotherapy session.”

Katie sighed as she looked down to her hands, she had heard chemo was painful and drained your energy, even if it was supposed to make her feel better, she wasn’t ready to feel that way

“I’m okay..I just...” tears stung her eyes “It’s not fucking fair.”

“Language Katie..”

“I’m sorry but, it’s just...Last summer I was competing at the nationals for robotic design and now i’m..”

“Stuck in a bed.”

“Yeah.”

Shiro gently touched her shoulder “It’s going to be a hard journey Katie, but I can promise you it’s going to be worth is. We cure eighty percent or childhood cancer and though it isn’t good you got sick in the first case, your leukemia is still in it’s early stages which means that within the year you should be able to leave the hospital aside from monthly check ins.”

Katie knew eighty percent was a goo odd, but the twenty percent liked to weigh on her mind more 

After discussing how she felt her first IV based chemotherapy session took place a few hours later once her family had arrived to support her

She felt lousy to the say the least

Her Mother’s grip on her hand was almost painful, but Katie knew her Mother was secretly worrying herself sick behind her strong wife and mom facade

As for her Father he looked as if he hadn’t slept since in who knows how long, actually she did, he hadn’t slept well since her diagnosis

Matt sat at the foot of her bed “A kid your age stopped by today, friendly guy, think he said his name was Lance? He said him and his family will keep you in their thoughts and prayers.”

“How nice of them, isn’t that wonderful Katie?” her Mother asked

Katie didn’t answer, she was feeling weaker by the minute 

“We should let her rest.” Her Father finally spoke “We can take turns coming to see her tomorrow.”

Her Mother and Matt nodded before the three of them said their goodbye’s and I love you’s before Katie allowed the fatigue to take over

Months passed and what was left of Katie’s long sandy brown hair was becoming patchy due to her medicine, she hated it, the mere sight of the patches filled her with anger towards her body, how could she be so weak? Why couldn’t she just die already!?

She quickly backpedaled that thought as she looked to the picture o f her family that sat on her bed side tray

tears began to spill from her eyes as she screamed at the top of her lungs and threw her pillow across the room

Shiro quickly hurried in and was followed by a few nurses

He quickly hugged “Katie, Katie calm down, it’s okay.” he spoke softly as he calmed her down “Look at me.”

Katie slowly pulled her face away from his shoulder looking up at him

“Do I need to ask Adam to come talk to you? Would that help?”

Katie nodded, Adam was the teen therapist at the hospital as well as Shiro’s husband, the two of them keeping her sane when her family wasn’t around

Shortly afterwards Adam came in and gave Katie a small smile “Tough morning pidge?”

The sound of her nickname lifted her heart a bit, she hated how formal her name was beginning to sound.

“I...I don’t..”

“It’s okay, take you time.”

She nodded and took a deep breath “I...I keep getting these thoughts..”

“Thoughts?”

Another nod “I..I thought that maybe things would be easier..if i just..died.”

She noticed Adam’s face fall before he took of his glasses “Can you pinpoint why you thought that?”

“It’s just, if I hadn’t gotten sick my-”

“I’m going to stop you there, Katie, you did not choose to get sick and there wasn’t anything you could have done to prevent this.” he gave he a small smile “You’re getting better, I know the medicine makes you feel gross, but  that means it’s working and if it’s working then that means you’re nearly out of here.”

Katie held a fistful of her blanket “..Things will never be normal again will they?”

“Well.” Adam paused “There is no such thing as normal, life likes to throw us curve balls just to mess with us, but the best way to hit them for a home run is adaptation.”

“What do you mean?” Katie asked

“Change is a part of life, it itself is basically the curve ball, if you allow the change to come, you can hit it and show life that you’re not backing down.”

Katie smiled a bit “Just like with my cancer..”

Adam’s smile widened “Exactly, you’re showing life that you’re going to fight to live, that change won’t stop you.”

Katie opened her arms and Adam chuckled giving her a hug “Anything else?”

“I..Could we shave my head?”

Adam blinked in shock “Are you sure?”

Katie nodded “It’s not weakness...It’s progression.”

Lance had been stopping by ever since he was given the okay, at first he only came when Matt was there but, after getting a bit closer to Katie he began to come see her after his chores

“Afternoon Ka-” he paused see Katie wearing a green knitted beanie that looked like it had little cat ears

“Cat got your tongue McClain?”“ Katie asked as she forced herself to eat her lunch

“You cut it off-er I mean, not that it looks bad!” Lance rubbed the  back of his neck

“It’ll grow back once i’m finally in remission.”

Lance took a seat in the chair by her bed “Any word when that’ll be?”

“Well it’s been nearly half a year..Weird to think it’s nearly Christmas.” Katie aid looking to the Christmas lights that one of her nurses had hung up for her

“So half a year to go then.” Lance said trying to keep the air happy

“Yeah..” she looked down at the cold tomato soup and sighed “I just..If I get one Christmas miracle it will be that i’m out of here before my sixteenth birthday.”

“When is that?” he asked sipping his water

“April 3rd”

“I mean, that’s not a crazy wish, it’s only two months short of a year.”

“I’ve had to do my sophomore year online, which isn’t bad, but I wish I at least had friends- well other then you I mean, life real classmates.” she sighed

“Well if you’re in remission that means you’ll get to come to school next year and bask in my seniority.”

“If you don’t get held back” she snorted

“W o w.” he flicked a chip at her

Katie laughed “Hey!”

A smile crossed Lance’s face, he secretly loved it whenever she laughed, it made his heart happy to see her happy

The first time he met her she could barely even speak to him and now here she was laughing with him

“Oh right! Did you ask Allura to the prom yet?” Katie asked sipping her juice

“That’s like asking if I, a lowly farmer, have taken the hand of a princess.” Lance huffed

“Oh please, just ask her out already you pansy.”

“What about you?”

Katie blink “What about me?”

“If i’m at the prom then who will be here with you?”

Katie fanned her hand hiding the slight blush that colored her cheeks “I’ll be fine, i’ll just make fun of your monkey suit another day.”

He snorted “I’ll have you know I look great in a tux.”

“Cause you’re a monkey.”

As Katie’s birthday drew closer she began to think she was stuck until June, but then, two days before her birthday, Shiro came in

“Are you ready to go home?”

“Shiro that’s not funny, I know it’s April fools day, bu-”

He shook his head “You’re officially in remission Katie.”

Katie felt tears sting her eyes “You promise you’re not joking?”

He nodded “We went over you last charts and it seems that your leukemia is nearly gone, we’ll need you to come on for monthly check ups though.”

Katie was sobbing into her hands, she couldn’t believe it, she was going to finally leave the hospital after nearly a year

After hugging her Shiro left to call her parents, and Katie, well Katie called Lance

“He..Hello? Katie? Katie it’s five in the m-”

“They are releasing me today!”

“Wait what?!”

“I’m in remission Lance! I got my wish.”

Lance smiled “Will you get to come to school for the last month?”

“I doubt that, I’ll have to wait till next term, but that means we can hang out this summer.’

“Oh yeah! And you can finally meet my friend Hunk, you’ll love the big guy, he’s great!”

The two talked well until Lance had to leave for school and soon enough Katie was standing in front of her new home

“It’s not truly home but-” Her dad began but she cut him of

“Wherever you guys are is home..”

Her parents and Matt hugged her tightly before heading in

Baebae quickly bounding towards her girl who she had missed oh no much

By the time Lance got out of school Katie had finally gotten her room to her liking

With a knock Katie allowed him in

Lance walked in and couldn’t wipe the smile of his face as Katie stood there watering some succulents

“Not gonna miss that hospital smell.” he joked

she giggled ‘I’m not gonna miss it at all.” she sat down on her bed

“So are you okay to leave the house?” he asked

“I’m supposed to take it easy for a bit, my body is already sore from just moving back home.” Katie admitted

Understanding Katie had to think about her health he settled or the two of them catching up on RWBY on her laptop

As prom  got closer the more Lance was beginning to worry about prom, he had wanted to ask Allura, but here recently he guessed his crush had faded

When he thought about about the type of girl he liked he came to a very quick conclusion 

He liked Katie

However Katie couldn’t come to prom seeing as it wouldn’t be safe for her, because if she got sick again he would never forgive himself

So, he got an idea

Come prom night Katie heard a knock down stairs and went to answer it to find Lance standing on her front porch in his tuxedo whilst holding a bouquet of flowers

“Wow you do actually clean up nice.” Katie smiled “Are you on your way to pick up Allura?”

“Nope.” he held the bouquet out to her

Her cheeks turned slightly red “What are these for?” she asked taking them

“Well, this is my way of asking you to my personal prom.” 

“Personal prom?”

He nodded “I was just gonna dance the night away by myself, but I thought it would be more fun with you.”

She snorted “You’re such a dork.”

“Only for you.”

The two went up to her room and  turned on some music

Matt and her parents even joining in at times 

Between dancing they took video game breaks and before either of them realized it was well past midnight

Katie laughed as she laid back on her beanbag holding her wii remote up in victory “I win!”

“Only because you blue shelled me on the second lap!” Lance huffed

“Oh shush you hit me with a bullet in the first lap.”

“Touche.”

There was was a knock on her door and the two looked up to see her dad standing there

“You two should get some sleep it’s late, Lance if you want you can sleep downstairs.”

“It’s alright, it’s not like I live far.” he smiled getting up “I’ll see you tomorrow Katie.” he waved as he grabbed his suit jacket and left

Sam followed him out “Hey Lance.”

Lance turned to look at him “Yes Mr.Holt?”

“My students call me Mr.Holt, feel free to call me Sam.”

he nodded

“I just wanted to thank you for befriending Katie, she didn’t have a lot of friends outside her robotics team back at home, so when she got sick it was easy to tell she felt alone.”

Lance smiled “She’s a cool girl..It’s an honor just to get to be her friend.”

Sam chuckled a bit “Probably would be a bigger honor to be her boyfriend huh?”

Lance turned red as he gave a nervous laugh “I-I mean.”

Sam laid a hand on his shoulder “Relax, I think you’re good for her so, if you ever want to ask her out one of these days you have my blessing.”

Lance felt a smile come over his face “Alright, good night Mr- Sam!” and with that he headed home unable to wipe the grin off his face

Summer came and Katie sat in Lance’s back yard reading as Lance swam in his pool

“Katie come on the water is nice!” Lance whined

“I already told you I don’t want to swim.” Katie laughed

In all honesty, she actually didn’t know how 

However the next thing she knew a wet Lance was  throwing her over his shoulder causing her to drop her book “Lance don-”

But it was too late, the boy already jumped in the pool

When they came up for air Katie was coughing and clinging onto Lance for dear life

“See it fee-..Are you okay?” he asked worried when he felt her shaking

“I can’t swim.” she admitted coughing up some water

Lance immediately felt like shit “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s embarrassing, i’m sixteen and can’t go past the five foot line..”

“I could always teach you? Then we can go on a beach date!”

Katie blinked blushing slightly “Date?”

Lance quickly realized what he said “I-I mean if you-”

She laughed splashing him with a bit of water “Date it is.”

//Thank you guys or being patient with me

[dailyaudiobible]

04/01/2019 DAB Transcript

Deuteronomy 18:1-20:20, Luke 9:28-50, Psalms 73:1-28, Proverbs 12:10

Today is April 1st. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It is great to be here with you today as we step into this brand-new month, the fourth month of the year and it's our opportunity to step into the second quarter of the year. So, well done. We are well on our way. Our reading today will be from the book of Genesis chapter 1 and will be reading from the Street Bible.

First off, nothing but God, no light, no time, no substance, no matter. Second off, God's is the word and whap! Stuff everywhere. The cosmos in chaos, no shape, no form, no function just darkness total and floating above it all, God's Holy Spirit ready to play. Day one. Then God's voice booms out, “lights!” And from nowhere light floods the skies and night is swept off the scene. God gives it the big thumbs-up but calls it day. Day two. God says, “I want a dome. Call it sky, right there between the waters above and below” and it happens. Day three. God says, “too much water. We need something to walk on a huge lump of it. Call it land. Let the sea make its edges.” God smiles and says, “now we've got us some definition but it's too plain. It needs color, vegetation, loads of it, a million shades, now.” And the earth goes wild with trees, bushes, plants, flowers, and fungi. “Now give it a growth permit.” Seeds appear in every one. “Yes”, says God. April fool's everyone!!!

Welcome to the month of April in springtime here in the rolling hills of Tennessee. Oh, I have so much fun with that. Believe it or not, that is actually in print. I like, find these obscure, strange, partial or full translations of the Bible and bring them out here on April 1st. I love it. April fools, we are all awake now and we are aware that we are in a new month although it's been a while since we've been back in the book of Genesis but nice to visit there in an odd sort of way for just quick second. We’re really in the book of Deuteronomy and we’ve been working our way through the book of Deuteronomy for a while now, listening to the final things that Moses has to say to his people before he becomes…before he dies, becomes part of their past. So, we’re really reading from the Christian Standard Bible this week. And today, Deuteronomy chapter 18, 19, and 20.

Commentary:

Okay. So, all joking aside about April Fools' Day and all let's go back to Psalm 73 that we read today because it's very revealing. So, Asaph is the author of this Psalm and he pours out his heart with questions that probably are familiar, probably about things that we’ve thought about. And he is basically saying, “why is it that the proud and wicked people get to have an easy life, get to be healthy and prosperous while I’m here trying to do my best, to be good and to be devout, but all I seem to do struggle? So, am I trying to do good for no reason and does any of it matter because what I see in the world makes me feel bitter? That's…that's pretty honest, right? That's pretty stark and we’ve probably all had shades of those feelings in our lives from time to time. And, so, we can see that the Scriptures are inviting us into honesty, into being honest with ourselves with what we’re seeing with God. It was really only until Asaph went into God's presence that he began to understand. He realized that just complaining about everybody else's life and comparing his life to everybody else's life was ignorant. In his own words he said, “I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.” So, what we see is a Asaph realizing that his identity, his purpose, who he is is not found by comparing how well he might be doing with someone else's life. His identity was found in knowing God and he found that, he reoriented himself to that by going into God's presence. And once that happened and his heart was reoriented to the fact that he belonged to God, well, then there was hope in being God's child. He said, “I still belong to you. You hold my right hand. you guide me with Your counsel leading me to a destiny that is glorious.” We may feel, we may sense the things that Asaph observed and lamented about but we have to follow the same path into God's presence because we’re all invited into life, into this collaboration on this planet with God that we call life. And when we lose sight of that because we've placed our eyes on someone else's life then we’re no longer freely living hours, we’re attaching ourselves in all kinds of ways to compare to get some sort of identity but it's false. It's a total distraction. We can’t find our identity like that. Our identity is found in God's presence. And, so, along with Asaph today, let's pray these words from the Psalm, “As for me, how good it is to be near God. I have made the sovereign Lord, my shelter and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.”

Prayer:

Holy Spirit, we invite You into that. It's something that we see often in the Scriptures because it's part of our human experience to compare ourselves, how well we’re doing, how superior we are, or how inferior we are when we’re asking the wrong questions and looking in the wrong places. And, so, we come into Your presence where true identity dwells and where everything that we need is because we are Your children. Come Holy Spirit into this brand-new month that we have, lead us forward into the changing of the seasons and may we find You in everything and may we see clearly where You are leading us in the days ahead. We pray these things expectantly because You have offered these things to us. And, so, we pray these things expectantly in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

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This is a busy month for us. The More Gathering is coming up. This is the month of Easter and this is a month of…well…there’s gonna be a wedding in my family, China’s gonna be getting married. So, it’s a busy month for us. Thanks for your prayers. We’re looking forward to all of this even though it's a busy time.

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And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Greetings DABbers, this is Theodore from Ohio. I just wanted to just praise God that everybody got back safely from Israel. It was just a wonderful hearing all of the synopsis of what was going on there, the episodes, it’s a beautiful thing. It made it…people here feel like they were there. I want to thank you Brian and Jill for everything that you’ve done. I want to thank those who’ve been praying for our son Sachin who is in Europe now, the soccer guy. He’s signing today as a result of the prayers of the people from the Daily Audio Bible. I also called in specifically to give hope to those who are in challenged marriages. I and my bride, Crystal, we’ve been married 26 years and in the first year of our marriage she had Graves’ disease. She lost all of her hair, her eyeballs bulged out, her throat was that of a bullfrog, her fingernails fell off, she was down to 110 bpm heartbeat, hundred and five pounds, and the doctors said she would never have any children. But the Lord blessed, healed her, and restored her beauty, resort her body, and restored her womb. And, so, we know that God can do anything at any time to anyone if their heart is open. And I’m praying for those who are going through challenges in their marriage just to let you know that it’s not something that I just read the book but actually the book is real, and it’s been a blessing for us for these past 26 years. May God bless you and keep you in the palm of His hand.

Hi everyone, this is Bridget from New York City. I just want to share a little bit about my own personal testimony. I was raised with seven brothers and sisters. You know, my mom had multiple fathers for my brothers and sisters and it’s just been…it was a pretty tough upbringing. So, I’m just sharing that with you because since I was younger as a kid I’ve always experienced supernatural things. I used to see my mom get possessed when I was 8, 9 years old. I witnessed it on many, many occasions. The called it a nervous breakdown but she told me she would hear a voice and the voice would __. So, long story short, my sister has been struggling with different types of mental issues. Doctors diagnosed it as bipolar and schizophrenic. I diagnosed it as spiritual. I know that she’s definitely has to relearn certain things but I know more than anything that it’s spiritual. So, I’m asking you guys right now, she had a fight with my niece Kaylan, my sister’s name is Reagan, they have had their ups and downs. Kaylin and Reagan were going to church with me and we were very involved in the word right before my son-in-law was killed and then my son-in-law was killed and everything just kind of fell apart. So, my niece stopped going to church my sister stopped going to church and it’s just really been an uphill battle for them. If you could please lift them up in prayer, ask God to give my sister a sound mind and to give her the help she needs. Please, please, thank you.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible family this is Julie. I’m reaching out to the caller that just called. She’s been a listener. She’s calling for her daughter Amanda. I am praying so hard for Amanda. Her mama says she was hurt very badly very recently. She has two children. The mama says she can’t reach her. I felt her tears…I swear I did. She says that Amanda just doesn’t want anything to do with Jesus. I’m praying Lord that help Amanda, protect her, guide her, let her feel Your love and I’m praying Lord that You help her mama. Dry her tears, give her strength, help her through this, let her not be afraid. Let Amanda feel the faith, know…know how much You love us the Lord and come back to You and run to You in her time of need instead of away, as many of the lessons today. I’m also praying for Bridget. I’m praying for Angela. I’m praying for You Michelle, for Your mother. I’m praying for Your mother. She lost feeling in her legs. She says they’re not sure why. Lord, please protect her mother. Heal her. Let her feel her legs. Please Lord let her walk again. And I’m praying this morning for Dash. Dash if You’re listening, something from this morning just jumped and made Luke 8:25, “where is Your faith”, spoke to me in front of my own anxieties and fears and hopefully it will give You strength. I thank the Lord for this word and I pray, you know, in our lives…let our lives ask the right things, let us run to You let us not run away, let us run desperately to You and stay by Your side always and I pray…

Hello Daily Audio Bible family this is __ your sister the Pacific Northwest and I need…I need prayers for…to help me stay on the right track to allow God’s will to be done to be distracted by temptation. It’s a long story, it’s complicated, but I met a man of God who I became very attracted to but not my husband. And my husband is not saved. So, it’s very confusing to me. I just need guidance, or I need to understand God’s will. I think I know what His will and it’s not in our marriage. Let’s just pray. That’s what I want to do, is get my head __ but getting my heart and mind is __. So, it’s a strange and confusing situation and this person, this man of God has as an amazing heart, and is not married but is far away still, thankfully, that’s good, but I’m not sure what the path forward is. I’m trying to trust God, but I think I keep making mistakes in letting my heart get carried away…

Hi, this message is for the woman that called with her daughter named Amanda who is suffering. I just want you to know that you’re not alone. There’s so many of us out here that have daughters that are so messed up. I just…you just brought me to tears today listening to your prayer because my heart has been hardened against my daughter because I can’t take her drug addiction anymore and I really really believe that God wants me to help stop the cycle of addiction in the family and let her hit rock bottom. I love her. I just want her to be redeemed in Christ and let her know that she is loved, and she is beautiful, that Amanda is loved and beautiful and a joy to you her mother. We all pray for Amanda. We are praying for all prodigal daughters who are unreachable at this time to let them know that they are loved by their mothers, loved by Jesus, loved by God, and they are children of God. We pray for all the daughters of God. Thank you.