#my new antidepressants aren't working at all

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

[introvert-celeste]

Oh boy, it's time for my monthly bout of existential dread! 😃

[virtie333]

Life Update

So, hey! I just got done with my latest counseling appointment (where I got to explain what fanfiction, fandoms, ships, etc. when and how I got into it), and he agreed that I am very much improved. I have my doctor's appointment next Monday, and depending on how that goes, I may be comfortable with my next counseling session being my last, at least for now. I realized after this week at work, that while I still wish I didn't have to work and make a living, and while I'm still stressing over my car and 'is it or isn't it gonna die and when?' I did not have a moment this week when I was crying uncontrollably or ready to scream at people, much less wishing I could just end it all. I know I'm far from 'cured' of my depression, but I'm coping better, and that's what is important, right? Pretty sure I DON'T want to go on antidepressants, but I'll wait and talk with my new doctor first before I make up my mind.

Thank you to all who pushed and supported me during the last few weeks. Talking about my writing today also reminded me how blessed I am with the readers I do have. Lord knows I would love to have more friends/mutuals reading my stuff, but the people who already are make up for the ones who aren't by their amazing comments. Quality over quantity, right?

Ready to do a first edit on the space battle I just wrote, and then start the lightsaber battle. Here's a tease: these two are going to end up in the same place before the battle is won...

[beastofwant]

"you're not on ANY psych medication? how are you coping?" well the psych medication made me not only suicidal but willing to actually make attempts on my life and the most depressed, dissociative, and disordered I've ever been was when I was on a cocktail of antidepressants, sedatives, antipsychotics, and god knows what else.

"the anxiety must be terrible" yep it's so bad I have literally nearly died from malnourishment + cyclical vomitting but that was literally still happening when I tried to go back on meds for it so maybe you should just listen to me instead of assuming that I'm not disabled because I'm not on a cocktail of shit that makes me want to DIE

can people realize psych meds aren't like antibiotics you take for an infection. psych meds do not cure anything even over time. they treat symptoms and have adverse side effects and it's all very new and often experimental. they work for some people and will save those people's lives. for others, they ruin lives. it's not cut-and-dry.

[destinationtoast]

first thoughts on Ted Lasso premiere

Phoebe remains the absolute best.

DRESSED LIKE AN UMLAUT

Ted being all sad and rumpled and rumpled and sad 😭 he needs comforting but also antidepressants and some serious rejiggering of his parenting life lbr 😭 looking forward to the fic

love everything with Nate and Rupert and the whole West Ham sterile environment...it's so deliciously fucked up. And the panicking + spitting under the table?? FUCK. oh, Nate. i look forward to the fucked up fic

I'm not sad to have some Roy x Keeley angst... hoping with @wildwren that it goes angstier before or gets better! (WREN I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR FIC 👀👀👀👀) but also I love them and want there to be a very satisfying arc of them working their shit out and getting back together and fucking Jamie

I really don't think I followed the sewer metaphor right.. it sounded like a suggestion to form a human centipede?? 😹 i don't look forward to that fic, but god bless if that's your kink.

also was not expecting crotch shots as they descended into the sewer... looking forward to the gifsets

much good himbo-ness!

Disco, lol

what's Beard reading now, and why is he leaving it on Roy to carry all of Nate's old job?

yes thank you for sharing your bosoms with Keeley, Rebecca! please do more; Keeley is sad and deserves boobs looking forward to the fic

oh fuck, it didn't occur to me that Keeley's office would be joyless thanks to her VCs appointing the CFO, ... didn't she hire some of the people, though?? why aren't those ones at least fun and awesome?? I'm going to be bummed if she fails at running her own company or hates it... but that doesn't feel like a move the show would pull, i hope? she should have success and JOY. may need to write the fic

Sam shirtless yes thank you

Jamie's hair lol no thank you

he's okay to drive but forever changed, haf... of course Beard knows toad venom. there was no doubt in my mind.

press conference duel YES. I love Nate taking Ted down and Ted lifting Nate up. even if Ted's too distracted and depressed to have his full joke mojo, that was great.

what must Nate be thinking after he angrily closes his laptop. look forward to he fic and meta

get it, Sharon! (that's not anyone we're supposed to recognize in her bed, right?)

Ted asking sad questions and Beard not answering except to point out that they already passed his apartment 😭 Beard what is up with you rn??? looking forward to the fic

Very curious about what Trent is up to. 👀👀 looking forward to the fic

as I expected might be the case, I was vibrating with New Canon Energy the whole time and it was a bit distracting... I definitely need to watch it again soon now that I know the basics of what happens. but I liked a lot of things in this episode, and i am not angry about anything, all of which is a delight and a relief since last time I joined a fandom during a hiatus it was Sherlock, and my feelings about the following episode were Complicated

[everythingwasnormalhere]

Stan Marsh headcanons?

first i love my main au stan because he's so !! and because he goes thru lots of changes as he grows up,,

Tw for alcoholism, depression, s/h, attempted sewerslide, hospitalization...its stan what did you expect

Most popular stan hc ever: he's an alcoholic. But like,,, till he's like, 12-13, he only drinks in the mornings so it helps him get through the day, like antidepressants but bad 💀

When he's 12-13 some people his age start drinking for fun, and so he sees it's socially ok so he starts doing it too

Yeah everything is way less shitty in the moment, but when he's sober it's even worse than before. Oops

Well anyway his friends don't really notice he's doing this, sure they're kinda concerned when they hang out and he's getting drunk, but yk,, typical Stan it's not that bad

This is an obvious one but he's depressed asf

And btw. All sp kids have gotten something misdiagnosed in their lives, like this is canon the medical system in that town sucks

So Stan has anxiety, but it was misdiagnosed as asthma (haha not me projecting)

He didn't get it diagnosed right until he was in his teens

But he doesn't have it anymore

He also has insomnia and BPD

The amount of times he's split on Kyle is insane

Anyway about his depression !!

It remained undiagnosed for a Long while

It got better and worse and better and worse and yeah you get it

On the worst episodes he would spend weeks not getting out of bed

At the beginning he'd say he's sick but at some point he gave up and stopped with excuses

His friends (Kyle mostly) would check on him but he wouldn't really talk to them much (on another episode of: stan giving up on life!)

Also he would spend time with the goth kids sometimes, mainly when he was at the worst points

The goths were kinda pissed he would leave them every time he felt better, but Stan's kinda their adopted kid lmao they have a soft spot for him<3

Welp anyway he starts s/h-ing at 11-12

At first it's not really noticeable but soon it gets worse

He covers it with wristbands but eventually the wristbands don't cover it all

And so, after his parents find out, at 13 he goes to the psych ward for the 1st time

It's only for a couple weeks, but it gets him to get so much worse

Nobody at school knows what he was doing for those weeks, besides Kyle because Stan went to him first thing after he got let out

Kyle is Worried. btw.

He gets hospitalized 2 more times after that

Once at 15 after he attempts

And another at 16, after a huge ass breakdown in which he asked his parents to take him there because he was scared of what he'd do otherwise

People in town only know about the one of when he was 15 (it was big news)

Besides Kyle and Kenny, Kyle because Stan tells him every time and Kenny because,,,he's Kenny he just Knows

After the 2nd hospitalization, he starts taking actual antidepressants

They don't do That Much but they still work better than nothing

Short after the 3rd time he goes to the psych ward, he finally manages to stop s/h

And slowly he stops covering his scars, as they're a reminder of how he's healing :)

Since he's 14, he starts bleaching his hair every few months

Now it's closer to straw than to hair but whatever issok

It's also incredibly greasy, so much it's insane

When it's really really bad he wears a dark blue beanie with some pins of obscure bands and some his friends gave him

His clothes are mostly black, and the ones that aren't are still alt

He wears eyeshadow all the time

And his parents don't allow him to get tattoos so he and his friends draw on himself instead

He's still in Crimson Dawn, he's the main singer and guitarist :)

His guitar is red and he takes so much care of it

The same can't be said about its case, that thing's fucked up

He's also the one who writes most songs, it's become kind of a coping mechanism for him<3

They're not famous, but they're not completely unknown either - they've played in some cities besides South Park, and they have a bunch of listeners on Spotify

They're the kind of band that almost nobody knows but the ones who do are the most loyal fans ever

"wHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW CD??? You gotta listen to them Right Now"

By the way Stan is late to every practice

The days when he's not arrived at least 10 minutes late are almost non-existent

Same for school

At school his worst subject is definitely math

(He probably has dyscalculia but he doesn't have it diagnosed)

He likes music best obviously

He's also pretty good at history and English

Btw he has a musicals phase for a year or two

His favorites are the historical ones, like Hamilton and Les Miserables

His family life isn't the best

He stays at Tedrigri farms on weekends, the rest of the time he spends it at his mother's

Shelly's kinda physically abusive still, but not as much as when they were kids

Btw he fucking hates staying at Tedigri so most nights he cycles to Kyle's or Kenny's instead

Fun fact he has a scar on his side from when he was 13

The m4 were jumping a fence to get to this one abandoned house (Butters was grounded)

And when it was Stan's turn he got cut with the fence and fell

That scar is huge and he's super insecure about it

Another fun fact he plays Brawl Stars

His favorite brawlers are Brock and Kit

And in general also the ones with attacks like Shelly's and Bull's

He's bisexual :) and ultimately broke up with Wendy when he was 16

(one of the things that triggered that huge breakdown btw)

He also had so many gender crisis, finally he decided he's just non-binary (he/him) because everything else was way too confusing

Aaaand i think that's it? Tell me what you think :D

[callmearcturus]

I know I don't know you personally but I'm worried for you. Reading over everything has me concerned. Please take care of yourself. You are cared for. I know my heart aches for you.

Many people care for you not just because of the content but because of how lovingly you construct and how genuine you are. You give a lot of yourself and sometimes giving is exhausting. You deserve to receive too. If you have someone you trust, let them in, ask for help. Please don't let yourself sink. The people who love you will be there. I know the brain gremlin says you're a bother but you aren't.

Please. Be gentle with yourself.

My mental state has always been hilly. I have lows and highs. Very routinely, I get low around December because the holidays are miserable, but usually I'm up again around late January or February.

This year, before my 'up' happened, I had to be put on a course of steroids for a pretty mundane medical issue. Unfortunately, steroids make me fucking crazy. I couldn't even finish the full course, they were fucking up my brain so severely.

So instead of pulling out of my December slump, I'm low. Extremely low in a way that is requiring daily management. And I'm supposed to be starting a new job right now.

Lately I have had good days, but yesterday was not one of them so it felt like a massive set back.

Logically I know I should be talking to friends, but it's hard when the only thing you have to say is "I'm sad, I'm worried about money, I don't want to eat anything, it sucks." Not exactly riveting conversation, especially when most people I know are in similar boats right now, it seems. I'm loathe to share my burdens when at this moment I don't feel capable of reciprocation. That's uncool. I would rather wait until I can help them too. But yes, it's lonely.

I'm not alone, at least. My family is helping me manage the moment to moment. I'm on an antidepressant.

I say all this because I guess you are right. It's concerning. I feel like my last two years of work, having a Real Job, clawing myself out of retail, is being ruined by my fucking brain. But I don't know what to do but try to be ready to work asap and wait for this low period to end.

Thank you for your concern.

[lastweeksshirttonight]

Personal shit under the cut, tw: mental illness and its manifestations, medical/medicine talk

Hey y'all, how's it going? The last time I did this, I'd had a nervous breakdown and was struggling to live with crushing anxiety and depression.

I am now almost about to have my one month milestone on antidepressants. And honestly, I'm doing WORLDS better. Did you know that it's possible to only be anxious about sensible things like big deadlines?? And to not have your day interrupted by intrusive thoughts???

I am now about to have a one month free of alcohol chip, which, honestly, given my past of serious social drinking problems and some of the topics I'd been talking about in relation to Fallon, feels like an even more monumental accomplishment. I'm not fully sober (weed is way more fun when you aren't just using it to not be anxious out of your skull), but I am the kind of sober I thought I'd never be.

This is not the end of my journey to help myself at all, but the amount of pure relief and the ability to reframe the issues in my life without my brain getting in the way has been invaluable. I've now learned enough to start looking for new less intensive work, to enjoy playing video games and buying clothes without deep self-loathing, to not fall apart the second everything goes wrong...

I still have a mental block around writing but I want to push past that soon. And I'm actually confident I can do it now.

Love you all as always. This blog and all my friends have been huge lifelines through all this.

[schizopositivity]

(hey, this is a sort of vent/ask, so before i start talking i want to put trigger warnings in case anything i say below may make you uncomfortable)

(this ask deals with depressive talk, slight mentions of suicide and self-injury, doctors, medications, brief mention of a psychiatric hospital, and possible ableism [the ableism is not true, it is me asking if something is ableist]. if any of this makes you uncomfortable, please don’t read this, and im sorry for bothering you)

hello :] i hope that you’re doing well

this is a weird thing for me to talk about but i feel it would be best for me to talk about it with someone who has been diagnosed and get your input on it (if this conversation makes you uncomfortable please do not feel obligated to answer, and im so sorry if anything i say is offensive or disrespectful; this is never my intent, but i mess up a lot and don’t realize it’s offensive and im so sorry if i offend you in any way)

a few days ago i went to a monthly meeting with my new psychiatrist (for mdd, adhd, gad, self injury). she had asked me how i have been, and i told her that i feel incredibly low and suicidal thoughts are nearly consistent thoughts, as well as having a recent relapse in self injury that was over a month clean (which is good for me). i was also on adhd meds at the time and my focus declined horribly.

she (my psychiatrist) took me off of the adhd meds, so now im just on the antidepressant

yet, she recommended to my parents that, due to my intrusive thoughts becoming too loud and me fighting back the urge to harm constantly, i should continue my antidepressant, yet add to that a small dosage of an antipsychotic

i have never been diagnosed with any form of schizophrenia, psychosis, or something else that would fall under the umbrella for what an antipsychotic is used for.

i know that she is a psychiatrist and has proper training, and i know that she understands cases like mine (a few months back i was admitted to a psychiatric unit, voluntarily, and she has worked in that exact unit before). yet, i feel ableist in a way, if that makes any sense. as if im profiting off of a medication that used for diagnoses much stronger than those of my own, and that, as my psychiatrist has said, is to help “take the edge off”.

i have no say in this, and due to the recent relapse and also another mental incident, the medication has officially been prescribed and will be at my house either today or tomorrow; yet, am i ableist for taking an antipsychotic when i have never been diagnosed with anything related to psychosis, schizophrenia, or other delusion-affecting conditions?

(idk if this will help with anything, but the medication is risperidal)

this is really messy since im just really on edge yet i just wanna say again that if anything in this upsets you i am so sorry

if you read this far, thank you for listening to me. wishing you all the best

No need to apologize! I like genuine questions :)

It is not ableist at all to take a medication that's prescribed to you. They want you to take it because they think it will benefit you. You aren't doing anything wrong or offensive. You are just treating your symptoms with medication prescribed to you, you deserve to take it as much as anyone else.

Plus lots of nonpsychotic people take antipsychotics for reasons other than psychosis. It's been shown to be effective in people with bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety and dementia. (I would link more info but all I can find are very lengthy and difficult to read medical essays, if you are interested you can search up "antipsychotics for anxiety" and they will pop up).

Part of my goal for this blog is to destigmatize anything to do with schizo-spec disorders, psychosis, and treatments for those things. So normalizing the use of antipsychotics in nonpsychotic people is part of that. It's likely that a lot more people than you think take antipsychotics for its various uses, and all of that is normal and should be talked about openly and free of stigma.

Also if you want follow up advice on how antipsychotics might impact you and the side effects and stuff you can reach out to me in DM or another ask and I can do my best to help (since I have been on that exact med before).

[maccas-strawbi-sundae]

✨💗 Late November! 💗✨

Hey everyone! I hope that you all had a wonderful October especially to those who celebrate Halloween! Hopefully everyone's November has been good too. This post is massively scatterbrained as I have kept going in and out of this post in my drafts also, photos at the bottom of this post! :)

♥ I am in my food prep era! I've always struggled with eating the same foods (unless I really love them) multiple nights a week but, my partner and I are now committed to spending a day a week to cook up an assortment of meals to freeze so we can go from A to Z whenever we feel like eating something different which is a nice thought.

♥ Last month was difficult, my pop passed away and his funeral was the first I've ever attended, it was very difficult but beautiful and moving.

♥ Christmas is on the horizon and I have spent a wee bit of money trying to get to everyone presents wise! I've also committed myself to attending the family Christmas which I haven't done for a few years now.

♥ I went out for the first time since my stay in the APU and it was difficult. I froze up in public as the place was very crowded and my partner kind of had to pull me along. I was okay after a while but it felt like a panic attack was imminent.

♥ I have my last two tattoo appointments for the year coming up! More spots on my legs and above my knees on both thighs.

(My partner got COVID after a shift and I then got it from him so I unfortunately missed those two appointments but, they've been rescheduled for January!)

♥ My partner has suggested we do a membership with the local leisureplex as that way we can both use the gym and the pools. My partner really enjoys swimming and it's a good way to get some work done on our health.

♥ I have been practicing on false nails as I applied for two courses for study (nail tech and pathology) so I included those below! I would like to do nail tech as it can allow me to work from home as well and I like 'junk nails' (with all the charms) but I think I'd specialise in natural nails. I have been wanting to go back to work despite being burnt out so I have been trying to find jobs that are more one on one in environments that aren't as busy so if I finish the course I'll be in work before I get married in October. I hear back next week so I'll post an update on whether I've been accepted or not into my choice courses!!

♥ I have to now buy my wedding dress (bridal shopping on Monday) as my partners Oma has declined a little and is no longer able to do so. So, I've had to rearrange my budget but also I am also a bit worried over losing some weight and then needing to get it altered. Never the less, I called the bridal store to confirm everything and they got me to upload photos of what I was looking for so that they can narrow it down for the appointment. I am hoping it goes well!

♥ It is essentially summer in Australia now so, the days are hot and I am struggling to do a great deal honestly just to get motivated and get things done but I am trying! I have a doctors appointment to sort out trialing a new antidepressant and to get a blood test done. I have so much to sort out but the year is coming to a close so I am trying to wrap it all up neatly.

♥ An update photo! I look horrendous and I fried some of the lower half of my hair (hence the change in tone) as I wanted to go partially green so now I have to get it fixed up aha. Beyond that I have included some of my favourite products! Vetta is a brand of pasta that can be found at Woolworths (if you're in Australia) that do high fibre, high protein and also low-gi pasta! Muscle Nation is also an Australian supplement and gym wear brand (I already had their protein custard and some other products but, with the black Friday sales I have purchased some new products which I will review on here when they arrive!) that I quite like. I may like variation in food but I do tend to like the same flavours so for me the choc mint reminds me of the choc mint Sipahh straws from way back when. They offer a lot of flavours including banana which my partner loves (he said it tastes similar to banana Nesquik which was discontinued here years and years ago) so if you wanted to give them a look they offer a fair few things. Protein pancake mix, protein jelly sachets, protein waters, casein protein custards, protein powders, pre-workouts, daily greens, energy drinks, aminos and protein bars! They also offer vegan friendly plant protein and they even have recipes online (mostly for their casein protein custard).

[o-uncle-newt]

A bit more about Gdansk

So I've been doing a daily Cabin Pressure advent posting and most of them I write pretty hurriedly at work and don't necessarily remember what I've written after I wrote it. But Gdansk... I feel like I need to say more, on a purely subjective level, about Gdansk.

I've said this before in another post, but Cabin Pressure has gotten me through some of the most difficult times in my life. (Later on, Double Acts and JFSP stepped in to add additional material as well, of course.) Having an easily available auditory antidepressant when in a difficult situation is genuinely lifesaving and I'll leave it at that.

Gdansk is one of the main episodes I rely on for that. I listen to it enough that there are whole passages that I can just directly quote. Each episode that forms part of that main core of episodes that I rely on has, in a way, its own reason for it- its own thing about it that speaks to me at the particular moment of pain that I'm having when I have the instinct to turn to something comforting. So I spent the whole of last night trying to figure out what it is that Gdansk has that my psyche craves at particular moments.

And the answer is- I don't know. I can say very easily that Limerick is great when I'm lonely, and St Petersburg is great when I feel defeated, and Paris is great when I just want a good old fashioned mystery/heist, but I think the thing with Gdansk is just... it's really entertaining? It's got those perfect overtones of silliness, and it has no stakes except emotional ones for Martin and Douglas, and it's just so well constructed. If there's anything I get out of it it MAY be "there's always someone worse off, and things aren't over for them either" lol- Martin exposes a deep secret to Douglas, and Douglas is hiding an even deeper one (in some ways) from Martin, and both of them are very much able to bounce back.

And today I was pondering- vulnerability is a consistent theme, I think, in Cabin Pressure (specifically how giving into it can open up new dimensions in relationships), and what I think is great here is how specifically in Gdansk we see the kind of strain it can have to KEEP a secret that you haven't decided to be vulnerable about yet. A lot of Douglas's lashing out is because he hasn't decided to share about his divorce from Helena (and how he was cheated on) yet, and he doesn't feel able to be vulnerable about it. And he won't until Limerick, all the way at the end of the season. And it's clear that even if he's not ready to share, the weight of the secret and of needing to maintain a particular appearance for himself to the rest of the crew (which, and this is obviously relevant, is just a reversal of the pretense he was displaying FOR Helena earlier) is weighing on him and affecting his relationships with people. But Martin is able to reveal something big and embarrassing... and Douglas finds it within him to be kind to him as a result. Does this give Douglas the idea that people may be kind to him if HE'S vulnerable?

ANYWAY, as someone dealing with a few things I think this speaks to me a lot.

I'll be back later with my thoughts on Helsinki!

[alias-milamber]

Ace Week

It's Ace Week, which used to be International Asexuality Awareness Week, but is now an entire week of Ace Awareness, which seems like a trick, to be honest. An exhausting trick.

Asexuality is a broad term under which huddle asexuals, aromantics and various other forms of bodily and non-bodily horror. Occasionally this feels a little "misc", and I personally find myself swinging between "If this new label under Asexuality means you find comfort, then welcome friend" and "No, there's a whole other letter for that, quit it". I err on the side of not being a dick to anyone who didn't start it.

These days my personal description is that I am a Straight* Asexual† Cis Male‡

Some of this is undoubtably medically induced. In that I would have described myself more as grey-ace before I was on antidepressants, but definitively black & white afterwards. Since I don't see spontaneous remission from chronic depression on my 202X bingo card, and even if it did the situational depression would fill the space like a river into a crater, I don't think that's changing any time soon.

It took me a long time to get as far as "Ace". I had no idea the term existed until I saw the phrase "grey ace" in a friend's twitter bio, looking it up, and filing that information in my brain as "That seems just how attraction works?"

Reader: This was a clue, and I missed it.

I pottered along for a while in my normal depressed lifestyle, not really understanding a whole load of mass media stuff, and assuming my absolute lack of any kind of sex drive was part of the whole "Depressed, broken, unneeded" package. Discovered polyamory, had some extremely disappointing (for them) experiences, found joy in giving, etc.

Then I finally hoisted the stones necessary to go to the doctor about the facts that a) My pillows smelt of honey and b) The world was a horrific landscape in dark monochrome that was devouring my soul in tiny painful bites. I was diagnosed with depression and type-two diabetes, though not in list order.

My world was not magically improved by antidepressants, but it upped the brightness, downed the contrast, and brought saturation back to my worldview. I rediscovered the concept of asexuality via friends, and it clicked a lot more. I experimented with the new label in the traditional method of my people: I created a LARP character who identified with it (A Watcher at a Buffy LARP), and explored how it filtered my worldview. Which it didn't. So I was obviously doing it wrong.

To make a long post less colours-of-the-sky, it took me a long time to come to asexuality. A lot of it was tied up in my views of what I "should" be, and what "normal" is. I still don't know where the edges of it are. Is any lack of attraction a form of asexuality? Are "sapiosexuals" asexual because they aren't attracted to (people they assume are) stupid? Is saying they can't have a bit of this space gatekeeping? (I saw an asexuality label that described women who were attracted to men and not at all to other women, and I felt guilty for my initial reaction requesting decolonisation of my lawn).

But I find it a handy label for my desire to stay out of anyone's pants save my own, and a remarkably chill community to be a part of.

So yes, I am Aquarion (or alias milamber, or whatever) and I'm Ace. This is my week. You can see me.

Feetneat follow

* BWIM my attraction has hithertofor been almost entirely towards people who my brain parses as "not male" with a certain amount of software-correction if lizard-brain is misgendering people.

† Specifically asexual and not aromantic, but very much of the "sure sex is nice, but have you ever slid into a bath that was the perfect temperature?" school.

‡ Not that I've ever really been comfortable in "male" spaces, but it's the thing that fits rounded to the nearest label. Anyone who believes my enjoyment of skirts and uses the phrase "egg" near to it will be subjected to a small rant about gender stereotypes.

§ I didn't get this far, but thanks for your interest

[discluded]

Hi discluded,

This is about your post about Build Poi situation. This is me asking permission to make my own post and reblogging with yours .

I just wanted to address some things in your post . I want to continue from where you left off. Is it ok if I reblog your post with the new addition?

The most important thing is the medical misinformation in your post . Anti depressants don't cause abortion and if they do the doctor and the entire hospital will be held accountable. Depression and stress may lead to abortion but not antidepressants. I want to clarify this in a clear and detailed manner.

And about your sources from Twitter,

There is a credibility issue. I want to clarify all these issues in my post.

I am not contesting the fact that Build made terrible tweets.

But the sources are unreliable.

1. @allecsirp48 has been caught committing identity theft. They have been making racist comments against Chinese people , Islamophobic comments and mysogynistic comments using stolen pictures from another person. This is an ongoing issue with them.

2. @idcabuu account has now been deactivated most probably fearing the legal consequences. All their tweets have been deleted. They also spread a lot of fake allegations. So they will also most probably have a lawsuit now.

I just want to update this situation and determine the truth. We can all stand with whoever we like,but at the end I think we should present the truth.

Though Poi is the defendant now,she is still innocent until proven guilty.

I wanted to ask you permission to update this, because this documentation was initially started by you. I just want to continue from where you left off. I didn't want to reblog your post and address all those issues without your permission.

And I didn't want to ask you this behind an anonymous mask.I will respect whatever decision you make. If you don't like it,I will make my own post about it,but please make sure to address that medical misinformation in your post.That is a very serious thing.

Thank you very much for reading .

please make your own post... you can link mine but I'm not looking for additional notes on the post. thanks!

edit: also I don't care about the case but I do work in public health so I care about medical misinformation and I want to correct that you said about increase risk of miscarriage with anti depressants. the results are mixed but here's some more recent research using the Danish registries and a more specific analytic plan to tease out the results.

Conclusions: Antidepressant use in the first trimester is associated with an increased risk of miscarriage when compared with either nondepressed or depressed unexposed women, even after accounting for induced abortions. The [increased] risk of miscarriage relative to unexposed, nondepressed women was 30% for antidepressant-exposed women and 10% for unexposed depressed women. The miscarriage [increased] risk for antidepressant users compared with unexposed depressed women was 20%

citation: Almeida ND, Basso O, Abrahamowicz M, Gagnon R, Tamblyn R. Risk of Miscarriage in Women Receiving Antidepressants in Early Pregnancy, Correcting for Induced Abortions. Epidemiology. 2016 Jul;27(4):538-46. doi: 10.1097/EDE.0000000000000484.

Epidemiology is one of the preeminent public health journals. Often, there aren't data to corroborate whether or someone should stop or start medication and leave the advisement to personal choice and/or what their personal physician thinks is best.

[iamthecomet]

Hoot!

(Finally replying, heh)

I honestly really hope that the meds will work too. I‘ll keep on taking the same ones I take now and take the other ones in addition, but they actually benefit? each other (as in, both probably will work better when taken together)

I‘ll most likely start tomorrow, but it will take 4-6 weeks for them to actually make something change. And also my symptoms of like dizziness and headaches will likely get worse at the beginning (this will get better over time tho)

They can also make you feel more suicidal in the beginning (which is because they make you more aware, including more aware of problems) but that also gets better after those 4-6 weeks when the actual effects set in (the new one is a kind of antidepressant)

So like, I’m pretty nervous about that

Yeah, going outside is pretty good but also hella hard to do. Sometimes my friends manage to drag me along, which I very much appreciate (they also need to go slower when we go somewhere by bike because of me, but they do that without ever complaining, for which I’m very thankful).

And you‘re so right. In the past, I’ve sometimes not treated them very kindly because of my insecurities and how I’m scared of being a burden, which is also why I isolate myself a lot, but whenever I feel a little less bad they always welcome me with open arms (they‘re also the reason I can watch movies/series, because 2 of them are so aware of my phobias that they will make me feel safe whenever something triggering happens. It’s literally so damn good, because when I’m watching with them, I can actually enjoy watching without being constantly scared that something triggering could possibly happen)

Also seriously, the way one of them immediately offers her hand for me to squeeze while simultaneously covering my eyes is just the sweetest thing ever

But like, there are other good news I think!

I‘ve been thinking about using a cane for at least months now. I sometimes feel very dizzy, to the point of pre-syncope (even though I never actually fainted before) and especially in the past few days, I feel even more unstable when walking than I usually do. I‘m very scared to go outside, especially on my own and just really don‘t feel safe. And especially during disability pride month, people where explaining what mobility aids can be helpful for what, and dizziness was often mentioned for canes.

And I honestly really think that it would help me a lot, and give me a sense of standing/walking more safely.

I always wanted to wait because I was/am scared that I’m just telling myself all that because I want a cane to get attention.

But my dear ex roommate (and one of the sweetest people alive) actually was like “well if you‘d benefit from it, who cares even if would be partly for attention? What about attention is so bad?“

And I think that they are very right. (They also added that canes do look cool as hell and they are also very right about that. I cannot wait to put stickers all over mine if I actually get one)

So on the next appointment I’ll have with my doctor, I’ll ask her if I can get a prescription for a cane.

Oh god, this got long again. Sorry about that

At least it included a lot of (pretty) positive things I think

At least for me, engaging a lot in fandom content helped me with my post-Ritual depression (as far as it was related to that cause I got regular depression going on as well xD)

But it seems like you‘ve been doing that /pos

~ @owlishanon

Finally digging this out of my drafts SORRY! �� I'm so glad things have been looking up! I hope that your meds aren't too hard on you during the adjustment period, and that your side effects are minimal. I'm glad you're friends have been so supportive, and are so good to you. I've probably already said it, but real friends are going to be there for you no matter what--they love all of you (even the not as fun parts) and I'm glad you have some like that. I'm with your ex-roomate on the cane stuff. If it's going to help you, you should do it. Who cares what other people think. If it makes you feel safer, more stable, you shouldn't hesitate to get one. I hope that your conversation with your Dr. about it goes well and you can get one and that it helps! Lots of love to you, I hope things are still going well!

[diaryofadaringwitch]

Witch Tips- Crystal Deodorant

What? A witchcraft related post on this blog you followed for witchcraft related things?! Absolutely wild.

No but this is actually a purely secular witchcraft related thing which I feel like I haven't posted something like that in ages. So buckle up, it's going to be a long one.

Anyway....

I am a very reasonable hippie. I love "unnatural" things like my contact lenses, antidepressants, and vaccines, but I also tend to seek out the green or more natural version of things provided that

A- It actually does what it says it does

And B- the price and effort required doesn't outweigh the benefits

And this new thing that I've been trying for the past 3 months or so definitely meets those criteria and is a great addition to my witchy toolbox: crystal deodorant.

What the hell is that?

It's a salt rock that you use as deodorant.

No I'm not joking.

I've been looking into a few different natural deodorant options for awhile now, simply because there's a lot of conflicting research on the long-term effects of ingredients in antiperspirants (aluminum, propylene glycol, parabens, various fragrances, etc.)

Again, I'm not against artificial ingredients solely because they're artificial. Everything is chemicals, after all. But as I've been studying for my personal trainer certification exam, I"ve learned more about the importance of being able to sweat during physical activity. Antiperspirants clog sweat glands. That's how they work. The armpits also contain lymph nodes, which filter out any bacteria/bad compounds that eventually excrete through waste. So the less work I can make for them, the better.

But most DIY "natural" deodorant recipes suck. Maybe for those that live in colder climates or aren't as physically active, they could work.

Native Deodorant, which is probably the most popular natural one on the market right now is thirteen dollars for a single stick. No thanks.

Crystal deodorant though- that's a game changer.

There are various brands, but this is the one I tried. About 5-6 dollars depending on where you buy which is about the same as the Old Spice I used to use, maybe a dollar more.

It's a literal stick of mineral salts. You apply it onto wet skin (or run the stick under water briefly), and it deposits a layer of particles that are too small to absorb into the skin but kills any bacteria that accumulates as you sweat. It's advertised as lasting 24 hours with no odor. I've found that I can get 18-24 depending on the weather and my activity level.

Y'all- this thing works. I've been out working in the garden in 90 degree weather, sweating like crazy, but no smell. No residue getting on my clothes, no fragrance or other things that might irritate sensitive skin. It also lasts quite a bit longer since you're not using a ton of product per application. I've been using it for nearly three months straight and my stone is barely smaller than it was when I first got it.

The few drawbacks is that it's kind of hard to take with you and reapply quickly. You have to get the stone wet/put it on wet skin for it to work so it's not something you can just throw on at random.

If you've been using standard antiperspirant for awhile, it's common to sweat more/smell worse the first few days using natural products. Mixing a bit of ACV with baking soda or bentonite clay and applying it like a mask before a shower will drastically reduce that "transition" time period.

I typically put it on right after I shower but be warned- don't put it on right after you shave. Because even if you didn't cut yourself, shaving still creates micro-abrasions on your skin that fucking hurt if you put salt on them. Literal salt in a wound. (Found this out the hard way)

Kate, this is neat but why is it witchy?

It's a massive stick of salt! Salt is a key component in many spells for cleansing and especially protection. I drew a simple sigil on the bottom of the stick and now I've incorporated a mini protection spell into my daily routine. This kind of spell is so helpful especially if you get into a rut/have trouble maintaining a regular practice.

I hope this is helpful for y'all, if you have any questions about natural skincare/hygiene products please message me because I love talking about this stuff. (I could write a full essay on my diva cup, for real) Or you can just message me in general to say hi! I'm traveling for a wedding this week so I may not be able to respond right away but I'm always down for making new witchy friends.

Have a wonderful day fellow witches, brightest of blessings!-Kate

[ifidiedinadream]

"reminder that there's no tmi on this blog"

lmao okay. I wanted to send this non-anon but chickened out. nevermind let's go, if you can be off anon talking about this, so can I.

so i'm on-off antidepressants (for doctor reasons and stuff), and I noticed that during the times I'm on my meds, especially when the dose gets higher, The Thoughts TM pretty much more or less disappear, like I don't wake up distracted thinking Thoughts, the daydreaming is still 90% of my day like usual but there's rarely any 18+ thoughts and even if there are, they're on the very sweet and soft side only, and reading explicit fics is... different. Like, it's still fun because it's fanfiction and I enjoy reading fanfiction, especially if there's feelings between the characters to explore, but it's... idk. Tamed down? Like eating a meal you like but it was made differently or with less spices or whatever and you still like it but the sensations you experience are... lower? idk if I'm making sense, it does make sense in my head but putting it in words is difficult.

Anyway, the point I was getting to is that while the meds only mildly help really, I don't want to stop taking them because.. I figured out I actually prefer feeling this way. Hold on, my cat's on my keyboard. first she steals my water from my glass and puts her nose in too deep and sneezes in it so I have to get a new one, now she sabotages my unstructured whatever this is. Anyway, where was I. Ah yes, I really prefer being in this kind of.. ugh I'll just call it vastly lowered sex drive state; because usually, I feel kind of bad or uncomfortable with what I've been thinking/fantasising about, and I KNOW that fantasy =/= what you actually want, but idk. When I've finished daydreaming or whatever you wanna call it, I mostly feel weird and like I've wasted time and also like I should never ever tell anyone about that so... giulia and her anons for the sex ed is maybe a good starting point to getting okay with it? then again, if I were to stay on those meds forever and these effects kept up forever, I wouldn't mind at all.

I know that that's a side effect that bothers many people when they start anti-depressants but yeah. Between all the other side effects I could absolutely do without, this is one I really don't want to let go of again.

Why did I tell you all that? Idk, it's just something I've noticed and that I've been wondering about and you've well established there's no tmi on your blog and maybe someone else has had a similar experience who also wondered about it.

good night ✨

hey jess!! you explained yourself perfectly and it all makes sense, don't worry 😌 this is such an interesting perspective!

for me it's... honestly im pretty bummed that my sexual fantasies aren't doing much for me at the moment (today i did wake up to a new fantasy though so i see it as a good sign, i also started my period today so maybe it's the reason?? who knows), im dealing with heartbreak and i was relying on my fantasies to help me cope but it isn't happening. and im always so damn bored. im not a person who's bored often because of my band obsessions and sexual fantasies about the members but now?? i feel so hollow lol like i always have to actively find something to do when it's not something i usually need to do

i understand how you can experience daydreaming like a waste of time. when i worked it got in the way of my job (not majorly but i struggled) but even then, if i didn't have a fantasy to unwind to in the evening i would go insane. i feel like my daydreaming (sexual in nature, mostly, sometimes i get soft fantasies too but it's mostly when im stressed or anxious) is a major part of my life and im used to living in my head 24/7 so if it was tore away from me what would i do? who would i be?

should i seek help? probably, but this is literally the last of my symptoms i need treated 😂 guess what im trying to say is i struggle to share your point of view because of how im built but i think it's 100% valid and if you find you have more time on your hands right now (because you don't waste it feeling guilty afterwards) then im super happy for you!! thankfully i don't deal with that kind of guilt but i do struggle with feeling like i should be doing something more "adult-like" at almost 28, but at the same time i know it's stupid and people daydream until they die anyway

sorry if it turned into a personal rant 😅 i don't think i could live on soft/vanilla fantasies only because i don't get enough of them for the usual amount of daydreaming i need in order to function but if you feel more comfortable with yourself like this, then amazing!! 💕 on this blog we support whatever fantasies you prefer if it grants you a peaceful inner life and the coping with the real world you need!