#my relationship with my mom is so infinitely complicated but

[annieisyourfavourite]

wanted to post that life is pointless but no. it's not. even though i'm stuck in an abusive home environment, i won't always be. i'm powerless in a lot of situations but i won't let that stay forever. one day i'm gonna get out and i'm gonna have the ability to set boundaries and i'm not going to be my brothers' punching bag any more. my life will be so incredibly full of autonomy and love and hope that it'll be overflowing

[the-blue-fairie]

I JUST WATCHED THE PEOPLE'S JOKER! I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT!

The People's Joker is a microbudget Batman parody and transfem coming out story from Vera Drew that you might remember for being pulled from TIFF in 2022 under pressure from Warner Brothers Discovery. (The film opens with a disclaimer "This is an unauthorized parody" etc. and ends listing WB under the thank you's "for all the free publicity" lmao.) AND I JUST SAW IT IN LA AND IT WAS A BLAST.

Oddly enough, the emotional stuff worked better for me than some of the humor (and the emotional stuff hit me hard in the best of ways, y'know?) Her mother telling her as a child that she's being an emotional toll on her mother because she's a child who is... stumblingly questioning her gender. Jonathan Crane prescribing Smylex to her, which just makes you smile more so that you look outwardly happy and the people around you aren't inconvenienced by seeing you in pain. The complicated, conflicting emotions that come from memories of an abusive relationship, where you still remember the good times with a bitter taste in your mouth ("You were my happy beginning..." ouch.) Little soft moments like gender exploration during sex (in 2D animation even.) The final heart-to-heart between Joker the Harlequin and her mom. The unexpectedly poignant musical finale involving a puppet Mxyzptlk and a very earnest song.

And it's an absolute phantasmagoria of different styles. We've got 2D animation that veers between jagged and elegant. We've got greenscreen. We've got stop-motion action figures in place of our actors for certain scenes. We've got models. We've got sock puppets. And there's infinite displays of creativity on a low budget. It's a feast.

@themousefromfantasyland @thealmightyemprex @ariel-seagull-wings @grctw @brokenwild

[hotdaemondtargaryen]

PHIA SABAN INTERVIEWED BY THE WRAP MAGAZINE.

IN THE FINALE, ALICENT PROPOSES TO HELAENA TO LEAVE KING'S LANDING AND SHE ASKS, 'WHERE WOULD I GO?' BEFORE THEY'RE INTERRUPTED BY AEMOND. WHAT DOES HELAENA MAKE OF ALICENT'S PROPOSAL?

I don’t think Helaena has really seen any evidence of a life that she’s like 'That’s the type of life I want to live.'

"And as a result of that, she’s created a world for herself where she can feel safe and that’s about this tiny world of insects and this small beauty and this kind of non-political interest in something outside of herself."

"I think that she’s genuinely bemused at the idea that there is somewhere else to go, and maybe part of that is that she has a maturity in knowing that we couldn’t go anywhere to escape what’s going to happen."

But I think more literally, it’s like 'I’ve never been anywhere else, so where would we go?'

HELAENA RESISTS FIGHTING BUT SEEMS WILLING TO DO A LOT TO ESCAPE THE WAR. WHERE DO HELAENA'S LOYALTIES LIE? COULD SHE SIMILARLY BE PERSUADED TO HELP TEAM BLACK?

"I think she’s loyal to her mum."

"A big aspect of Helaena is that she hasn’t historically engaged with the politics and, in a way, she has more of a macro view of it, where she she can’t really connect with this thing, which seems a bit ridiculous to her about like sides and ego and killing."

"I don’t know if she would see it like that."

"She would definitely go where her mom goes, but I don’t think she’s got a political view on it particularly."

THE CONFRONTATION BETWEEN HELAENA AND AEMOND IS REALLY INTENSE AS SHE REVEALS HIS FATE TO HIM. WHY DO YOU THINK SHE CHOSE TO LET HIM HAVE IT AND REVEAL HER CARDS?

"That moment is the first time she knows it in that language that she can express."

"The way I see it, her dreams and her visions up to that point are very much really strong intuitions, or really strong feelings or an experience of the world."

Where she’s like, 'why does my mind keep hooking on this?' but it’s never been in that extremely ice-clear way.

"Aemond, essentially, after everything she’s gone through, has pushed too hard on this."

And she thinks, 'you need me to come with you to kill people on my dragon, after everything I’ve gone through, after the grief that I’m in and for what.'

"And in that moment, it’s very clear to her that not only do I not want to do that, but I know wholeheartedly that it won’t change anything, because the path is set."

"It becomes about … what does she hope for? What is she living for? And that’s a big question for me next season."

DOES HELAENA HAVE ANY LOYALTY LEFT FOR AEGON?

"I think it’s tricky."

"What’s very complicated about those relationships with those siblings is that there is love and I think she does feel love — wherever in the scale you’d like to place it — towards her family."

HELAENA APPEARS IN DAEMON'S VISION, BUT IT'S UNCLEAR IF SHE'S EXPERIENCING THE PROPHECY FOR THE FIRST TIME OR IF IT WAS HER DOING TO SHOW UP. WHAT WAS YOUR READ ON IT?

"It’s really up to the audience’s interpretation, because I think there’s infinite possibilities of what’s going on there."

There’s a reality where she’s like, 'Oh, someone else is in the dream world I’m going to wander on through.'

"And then I think there’s also an option where she’s a projection of Daemon’s guilt or something, and it’s not really about her."

"I think there’s an option where they’re all like seeing it for the first time."

"There’s so many options, but I like that that’s left up to the audience."

HELAENA HAS A MORE EXPANDED ROLE THIS SEASON, AND THE CHARACTER IS DEEPENED FROM THE BOOKS AS A SEER. WHEN DID YOU FIND OUT SHE WOULD HAVE A BIGGER PART THIS SEASON AND HOW DID YOU WORK WITH RYAN AND THE TEAM TO CRAFT HOW HELAENA'S POWERS INFORM WHO SHE IS?

"It was something we spoke about when I got cast in Season 1, because it was definitely part of the characterization very early on — that she has this ability, or these really strong intuitions and feelings."

"But they really left it up to me as to how that manifested … and I’ve just had lots of fun with the idea that it’s quite uncomfortable for her, and it’s these intuitions and these instincts that she actually tries really hard to kind of repress, because it’s uncomfortable; it exacerbates the difference between her and her family, because she doesn’t feel brave in how clearly she can communicate them."

"What’s been fun this season for me to work out is what does it take for her to step in and actually inhabit that, and have a clearer line and relationship with that dreaming side of her."

"I think that her trauma and her stepping away from the real world and disassociating has actually made her relationship to dreaming more powerful."

WE STARTED SEEING MORE OF HELAENA'S CHARACTER AFTER THE TERRIBLE BLOOD AND CHEESE SEQUENCE IN THE PREMIERE EPISODE. HOW DOES THIS TRAGEDY SHAPE HER TRAJECTORY FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON?

"She’s really sad, so that shapes it in a way."

"There’s all of this evidence in the show of this heroism, and there’s people getting on their dragons and battling and the politics of it all."

"But what I think about Helaena is that it’s a small heroism, which is essentially getting through the worst-case scenario and carrying on living every day in the same situation where she feels trapped."

"And also a self-exploration, because I think Helaena has seen what this system has done to Alicent, her mum, and there starts to be a thing between them."

Which is like, 'How much of this can we actually repeat again, and how much of this can we go through? For what?'

"In a very small, heroic way, she kind of actually manages, against the odds, to empower herself through her grief."

"But it doesn’t mean she’s happy."

"It just means that she is trying to find hope and get through it when actually it’s pretty hopeless."

WHERE DO YOU HOPE HELAENA'S STORYLINE GOES FROM HERE?

"I hope for more bugs."

"In my fantasy, Helaena is going to connect with Alys Rivers in some way."

"I’d love that."

"I really want to go to Harrenhal, but I don’t really see that happening."

"I would love to be in the scenes with more of the cast, and that’s what I’d really like to get — some of those dynamics, and hopefully a lot more of Olivia as well, which is what I was very lucky to have this season."

HAVE YOU DISCUSSED HELAENA AND ALYS MEETING UP?

"Gayle [Rankin] and I would both be really keen on that."

"I think we feel connected in some way anyway, so we definitely have that, but we’d like it to be literal."

"Who knows? We would definitely enjoy it."

[padfootagain]

Something Good (XXIII)

Chapter 23 : The Talk

Hello! Here is a new chapter for my Ben Barnes series!

A tiny bit of trouble because of a certain asshole, and then some fluff. I would be lying if I claimed I didn’t cry for this chapter, because I did…

Also, we’ve officially reached the 80k words for this series, which makes for 155 pages on my word document… Holy molly! Thanks for tagging along for this looooong ride!

Hope you like it!!! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Ben Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Fluff,  Slow burn, professor AU.!

Summary: Coming out of a divorce and trying to get used to being a single mom, while teaching your classes at University, you thought your life could not get more complicated than it already is. But when you are asked to take care of the theatre club with the colleague that you really can’t get along with, you realize that everything can still get ten times more complicated in your life. And when you start actually liking Professor Barnes, the troubles only grow exponentially…

Word Count: 4619

Masterlist for the series – Ben Barnes’ Masterlist – Main Masterlist

You were nervous that morning, Ben could hardly have missed the signs.

As you stared into your cup of coffee, eyes shadowed by a lack of sleep, he heaved a sigh. Of course, he understood why you were nervous. You had decided to talk with Liam tonight, to finally tell him about you and Ben. It was the end of January, your relationship with Ben was coming close to be two-months old. It was time, and you knew it. You wanted to be free to show affection towards Ben in front of Sally, and you could only do that if you told Liam first.

You almost jumped when Ben reached across the table to hold your hand in his. There was no one around in the cafeteria, no colleague to see the intimate gesture, although, you wouldn’t have cared. You were tired of keeping a low profile. You longed to be close to him all the time.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” Ben offered a reassuring smile while his voice was warm and honeyed. “Stop being worried. His reaction won’t change anything, anyway.”

You heaved a sigh.

“Is it that obvious that I’m worried about tonight?”

“I mean… the last time I saw you this distraught was when you were paired with me on the theatre club, back in September.”

You couldn’t refrain a chuckle, rolling your eyes.

“Things have changed so much in just a few months,” you smiled.

Ben hummed in agreement, rubbing his thumb across your knuckles, gesture simple and yet infinitely soothing.

“I just think that he might get… defensive.”

“No, what you meant to say is “an absolute git”.”

You laughed at that, but couldn’t deny it. You had talked a lot about your former relationship with Ben, and he had shared a lot of his relationship with Julia with you as well. And one could have said that you both held no tenderness towards the other’s ex.

“Yeah… yeah, I’m quite worried he’s gonna be like that. That he’s not going to take well the fact that I’m in a relationship again.”

“But he’s not the one to decide for you. He’s…”

But Ben grew quiet, didn’t finish voicing his thought. He didn’t want you to worry even more by telling you the obvious truth that you seemed too blind to notice.

Liam was still in love with you, it was obvious. When Ben and Liam met that evening at your apartment, it took Ben but a second to notice it. The way he followed you, the way he glared at Ben, the way he stared at you with longing…

But you didn’t know that, and it was easier not to tell you.

“He’s probably going to be a little upset that you’re replacing him,” Ben changed his words, but it made you frown a little more with worry all the same.

“Yeah… yeah, probably.”

Ben looked down at his own coffee cup, empty by now, only stained by remnants of the bitter liquid in brown marks, without pattern.

“Would you be upset if he found someone else?”

You took your time to answer, and Ben was grateful for it. It showed that you were earnest when you spoke again.

“I think I would be worried for Sally. And… it would be a little weird, because… we were married. But I wouldn’t be upset, or jealous. More… uncomfortable, I reckon.”

Slowly, Ben nodded.

You heaved a sigh, intertwining your fingers with his, at last.

“I just hope it will go fine.”

He gave you an encouraging smile, but didn’t voice his own worry. He wasn’t sure if it would upset you, how you would react to his words, if it were wise to say it out loud…

But he was worried nonetheless.

If Liam disapproved of your relationship with Ben, would you leave him?

And if Liam really did try to get you back, would you choose him, instead of Ben?

But he didn’t say anything. Instead, he tightened his hold on your fingers, traced the line crossing your palm with the pad of his thumb and looked at you as you drank what remained of your coffee. And he drank in your sight, the warmth of your skin, the reassurance in your hold, worried it would end too soon.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Liam asked, surprised when he found you nervous, turning your mug between your fingers.

You went to see Liam straight after work. Sally was spending the night at a friend’s house for a birthday party, you had the entire evening to talk to your ex-husband about your new love. It was hard not to look nervous though, as you sat down in his kitchen and accepted the warm beverage he offered you. You had planned this conversation in your head, but it wasn’t easy. Nothing was easy with him…

“I just… I have something to tell you, and I think it’s better if you learn it from me.”

“You’re scaring me now. What’s wrong, baby?”

You tensed at the pet name. He noticed it. He pushed it away, at the back of his mind, ignored it, brushed it off as tiredness or as nothing at all. It was too painful to acknowledge it.

“Nothing’s wrong,” you answered, your tone cautious. “I just…”

You reckoned that there was no other way to say all of this but clearly, with simple words.

“I’ve met someone.”

Liam blinked. He didn’t seem to understand your words, so you repeated them.

“I’ve met someone. I’m not single anymore.”

Liam cleared his throat. He could barely breathe. He shook his head.

This couldn’t… you… you couldn’t… the two of you were soulmates…

“What do you mean?”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“A boyfriend? You?”

You frowned at that, quite taken aback by his tone. You were unsure if it sounded simply aghast or mocking.

“Yes, what about it? I’m still young enough to date, you know?”

He rolled his eyes.

“But why would you date anyone?”

It was your time to be puzzled.

“Because… I like him. Because I want to.”

“Who is it? For how long have you known him? Has he met Sally?”

You shuffled on your chair, more uncomfortable than you thought you would be about all this.

Why did you feel almost guilty? Liam and you had been divorced for more than year, separated for almost two… you were perfectly free to date whoever you wanted. And as Liam was Sally’s father, you reckoned that you owed him to warn him that a new person would enter your daughter’s life. You were doing everything right. So, why did you feel so bad when you looked up at him again and recognized sorrow and anger in his gaze?

“It’s Ben. I’m going out with Ben.”

“Your colleague? The theatre guy? The one who ate with you and Sally the other day?”

“Yeah. That’s him.”

He let out a breathy, bitter laughter, and you hated the sound.

“I knew it. I knew he was trouble.”

“Trouble? He’s not trouble…”

“Y/N, he’s playing with you.”

You frowned hard at that.

“Of course not, what are you talking about? You don’t even know him…”

“Come on, now. Why would a man like him want to go out with a single mother? With someone like you?”

He noticed how much his words hurt. He almost liked it. Actually, he hated himself for saying all of this.

But he loved you. He loved you so much, he would have done anything to get you back. Even if it had to hurt, at first…

“He’s handsome, I’ll give him that. He could have anyone, I bet. I’m sure you’ve thought about that already. Then why you? Why would he go to all the trouble of going out with a divorced single mother with her life still in shambles… when he can get any woman he wants? Why you? Why all the trouble?”

He shook his head.

“Babe, he wants to sleep with you, and that’s it. He’ll grow tired of you soon. What else could all this be about?”

You didn’t answer. You didn’t answer because the words echoed too deeply. Words Liam had carved into your brain and heart and marrow after proving them time and time again, speaking them out loud even, during the darkest of your fights.

You’re not worth it.

You got up. He was surprised by it, but you did anyway. And if there were tears in your eyes, your voice was still firm, deadly cold as you spoke.

“Ben and I are together. I’m not asking for your blessing. I’m simply letting you know because you’re Sally’s father, and I reckon I owe you the truth because Ben is going to spend more and more time with Sally. But this is not me asking you what you think of my love life. I’m simply having the courtesy of warning you. I don’t care about your opinion. Ben is amazing with Sally. He’s amazing with me. And I don’t care what you think about my love life, it’s none of your business.”

“I’ve never said I agreed for him to be in Sally’s life…”

“You don’t have a say in this. Sally loves him, Ben adores her… they’re getting along perfectly fine.”

“Does she know you’re together?”

“Not yet. We waited for a few weeks, we wanted to be sure about this before telling her. And I wanted to tell you first, I didn’t want Sally to let it slip. But we’ll tell her this weekend, we’ll explain things to her.”

“You can’t do this… you can’t…”

He shook his head vehemently, but you stepped away from the table.

“Have a good evening, Liam.”

“No… wait! Y/N! Babe, wait!”

“Stop calling me like that!”

You spun around, facing him again. You were on the verge of tears, but there wasn’t really any sadness in your eyes. There wasn’t love either, or longing, or regret. There was anger, frustration, fear…

Why would you look at him without any love in your eyes?

“We’re not together anymore, Liam. We’ve been divorced for a while now. I’m allowed to build myself a life again, with whoever I choose. You can talk with Ben and I if you want, I get that you can be worried that he’s going to spend time with Sally when you don’t know him. But I’m not asking for your opinion, or your permission. Ben is amazing, he’s doing great with Sally… You know how much I love her. You know I would never take a decision that could hurt her…”

“I know, but he… I don’t trust him.”

“You don’t know him.”

“He’s using you. He’s using you, and then he’ll leave!”

“Of course not! He would never do that…”

“Why else would he be with you?”

The question again. And you hated Liam at this moment. Not because he was being mean, not because he was clearly jealous, but because he was right. You had asked yourself this question every day since that first night with Ben…

“I’ve had enough of this.”

You strode to the door, walked out before Liam could hold you back. The same question rang in your head, the answer never changing…

Why would he be with you?

You’re not worth it.

Ben was worried when you didn’t call that night. He sent you a couple of texts but you didn’t answer. He was ready to go to your place by 9pm, pacing across his flat, imagining a million scenarios…

But then his phone buzzed, at long last, by half past nine, and he heaved a relieved sigh as he read your text.

I’m alright, don’t worry. I’ve talked to Liam. I just needed some time after that. I’m fine though.

He had barely finished reading your text when another appeared on the screen.

Can we talk?

Ben frowned at that. This kind of messages… it was never a good sign.

He was quick to answer.

Of course, I’ll come over. Have you eaten anything?

He had barely received your answer that he was ordering some take-out. He hadn’t eaten anything either, he was too nervous for that.

It was past 10pm when Ben arrived, carrying some Indian food, and a warm smile that he wanted reassuring on his lips.

He had barely stepped inside that you were hugging him tight. He chuckled at your warm welcome.

“Well, hello to you too.”

He dropped a peck on your hair, holding you tight as well, letting you relax in his embrace, breathe deeply the scent of his cologne…

“I knew you’d bring food as soon as you asked about dinner,” you mumbled into his coat.

“Indian.”

“Good choice. Thank you.”

“Come on, I’m famished. Let’s talk while we eat.”

“You haven’t eaten anything?”

“No, I… I was a little nervous?”

“Oh…”

You finally released him, walked inside your kitchen to get some plates and forks and knives and earn as much time as you could before you would have to talk to Ben.

Because you were terrified by this conversation you needed to have and yet… yet it was necessary.

The words were too loud as they echoed, they resembled shouts you couldn’t shush down. You were scared of his answer, and yet, you were too worried not to crave for it. If Ben was to disappoint you, then the sooner the better.

Half of you knew that he was different from Liam. Half of you believed you were not worthy of him and that one day he would have enough and walk away.

Which part of you was right?

Ben walked inside the living room, left the food there, on the table. He knew he wouldn’t like this conversation. He knew there was something wrong. He had recognized the way you were clinging to his coat just then, as if you were afraid he would leave.

“So… how did it go with Liam?”

You came out of the kitchen, bringing your dishware with you, fleeing his intense gaze.

“As expected.”

Your answer was elusive. Ben nodded.

“That bad, huh?”

“He… he didn’t really like the news.”

“He was jealous.”

It was more of a statement than a question, you heaved a sigh.

“I guess so, yes.”

“He doesn’t want you to see me like this.”

“He doesn’t have a say in this.”

Ben nodded, but you were still not looking at him. There was something more. The real reason for you to have called for him tonight.

“What else did he say?”

You didn’t answer, opening a box of food, breathing in deeply the scent of spices. But Ben took your hand in his, forcing you to turn to him.

“What’s wrong, darling? Tell me.”

Your eyes filled with tears at the sound of the affectionate name. You loved it when he called you that, perhaps too much. It made you feel… loved.

Were you though? Was all of this real?

How could it be? Liam was right, you were too much trouble, and Ben was kind and smart and funny and absolutely stunning with his dark irises, his cute glasses, the beauty spot under his right eye, his bright grin…

You’re not worth it…

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Ben cooed, reaching up to cup your cheek and guide your gaze to his. “What happened?”

You sniffed, unable to not look up when he more firmly guided your face upwards, and the first tear fell as soon as you caught his gaze.

“It’s just… I don’t know. I’m just worried,” you answered with a shrug.

“What did he do? What did he say?” Ben asked, his voice lower now, almost threatening. It was so strange to hear this tone on him, his voice was usually so warm.

You heaved a sigh.

“It’s not just what he said. I… I’ve been asking myself the same questions about us.”

Ben frowned hard at that, but let you continue. You took your time to do so, to take a deep breath and gather your strengths and… find the right words. You didn’t though. You didn’t speak the words you wished you could find, instead they were messy and stumbling. But they were let out anyway, and you reckoned it was good enough.

“I just… I don’t… why are you with me?”

Ben’s frown deepened.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… I… why are you with me? Why would you want to be with me?”

Ben blinked. Once, twice, thrice, but he ended up shaking his head anyway.

“I don’t understand,” he admitted.

“Why do you want to be with me? I mean… do you really want to be with me?”

“Of course, I want to be with you. Don’t you want to be with me?”

“I do. I want you.”

“Then what is this all about? I don’t understand.”

He hated it. How your lower lip trembled, how a tear rolled all the way down your cheek, leaving a glimmering path across your soft skin, how you needed to swallow back the lump in your throat, how your next intake of breath shook…

Ben had never really longed for violence, but if Liam was the cause of your sorrow now, he would have gladly punched the bastard in the face…

You took a couple of steps back, and Ben hated it. The distance you forced between your two selves. Like a barrier. Like an armour. And you hated it too, but you needed it to be able to talk.

“I just… Liam said… things I’ve been asking myself too and I guess… I’ve always pushed the thought away because I thought that it was just me not being confident but… if he said it too, then maybe there’s more to it, you know?”

You took a deep breath, still staring in these dark brown eyes you adored.

“I don’t really understand why you would choose me, of all people,” you explained, and you were surprised when the tears you withheld with all your might didn’t fall. “I mean… You’re… You’re brilliant, and funny, and kind, and loving, and handsome and… you’re… amazing. And on the other hand I’m a shitty single-mother struggling with everything, with my life in shambles and… why would you want that? Why would you want to take care of Sally? Why would you want me and my mess when you can get so much better than this? Better than me? Someone… someone who would be worth the trouble.”

You were surprised by Ben’s reaction. You expected him to get defensive, or on the contrary, to heave a sigh and admit that you were right and that he couldn’t do this, that all of this was a mistake…

But instead, he looked at you with the most confused expression you had ever seen on his features.

And before his silence, you asked your question one last time.

“Why would you want to be with me, Ben?”

He let out a long exhale. When he spoke again, his words were so earnest, you could see it all painted in his eyes. And he confessed it all as if it were obvious, as if you were silly for not seeing it on your own before. As if it was the most obvious answer in the entire world…

“Because I’m in love with you.”

Your gasp was shaky, barely audible, but here all the same, paired with wide eyes and a stunned look that showed him that you were blinder than he had thought. Had there not been so much tension in the room, had he not been so afraid you could leave, had there been no tears still shining in your eyes… he might have laughed at you for being so oblivious. But he didn’t. Instead, he waited for your reaction, and when it didn’t come, he took a step closer.

“I’m in love with you,” he repeated. “I love you. There’s no other reason… why I want you. I just… I just want to be with the woman I love, that’s all.”

He clenched his jaw, shook his head, looked down at his feet for a second. He didn’t speak again before his stare was once more locked with yours.

“I am well aware that you’re a mother, that I’m picking up responsibilities towards Sally as well by being with you. We’ve discussed this before, and I know what it means to be with you. You’re right, it means having a much more chaotic life than I do now. It means helping you raise Sally. It means dealing with your shitty ex. It means helping you put your life back together. But it doesn’t only mean troubles. It also means taking care of an amazing little girl I genuinely love and care about. It means kissing you whenever I want to without asking for permission to do so. It means locking ourselves in our office to make out. It means waking up beside you. Looking at you while you read. Listening to you talk about everything and nothing. Laughing with you and having my belly ache because you’re too funny for me to handle. It means taking long walks with you while we talk for hours and you hold my arm until it grows numb and yet I still don’t want you to let go. It means making love to you on Sunday mornings and spending sleepless nights in your bed. It means watching you brush your teeth and complain about the flavour of my toothpaste cause it’s too minty for you. Baking pancakes for you. Listening to you sing along to songs you don’t remember the lyrics of… I could go one like this for days, but what I’m trying to say is… I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t obstacles to our relationship. Because there are. Your situation… just like mine. With my own shitty ex, and my stupid broken heart and yet… I want this. At the end of the day, all of these obstacles, all of these arguments that could go against us being together… I don’t care. I don’t care about any of them. All of these amazing moments I share with you every day are worth it. All of it. I would do anything to be with you. And perhaps it sounds crazy, because it’s so early on in our relationship, but that’s the truth. You are worth every sacrifice. Every bit of trouble. You are worth everything, much more than what I can give you, as a matter of fact. I love you, Y/N. It makes it all worth it. It’s the reason behind every single one of my choices when it comes to you.”

He fell silent, knowing he was speaking too much, but you were still speechless. And he grew scared of this stillness in the air, the look of statue on your motionless frame and face.

So, he took another step, reached up to cup your cheeks, stared at you so intensely you were certain your soul was burning…

“I love you, Y/N. I want to be with you. I want this. All of it. I know what I’m getting myself into, and I want it. Every second of it. Do you understand? I’m not messing around, Y/N. I’m serious about this, about us. My own heart is on the line. Do you think it’s not hard for me too? To trust someone again like this after Julia? But for you I’m willing to try. And if you break my heart one day, then so be it. I love you enough to take the risk. I love you enough that all I want is to be with you, for as long as you’ll be foolish enough to have me. You are worth every bit of pain and heartbreak that could come my way if you left. You are worth everything, Y/N. Why do I want to be with you? Because I don’t think that I could be happy without you now, Y/N. Because I love you, and that means I don’t have a choice at all. Or rather… I have a choice. I can play it safe and push you away, and I’ve tried that before we got together. I was absolutely miserable. Or I can choose to be with you, and fight for you, for us. And that’s the choice I’ve made. I have no regrets. You’re making me happier than I’ve ever been.”

He fell silent again, but this time you reacted. Instead of merely staring blankly at him, suspended to his words, you rushed into his arms, held him so tight he could barely breathe, but he didn’t mind and he held you with the same fervour.

You were crying by now.

“I love you too,” you whispered into his ear, and he couldn’t refrain a grin. “I love you so much, Ben. I know it sounds crazy because it’s so early on in our relationship, but I love you. I was already in love with you that evening in the theatre when we kissed. I’ve been in love with you for a while now.”

“I loved you already too by then. I fell for you in this Italian restaurant in London, where we talked so much our food grew cold.”

You smiled at the memory, nodding.

“I don’t know when it started. But I know that this evening at the party, and during that talk on the bench by the Thames… I was already yours. My heart became yours for good that night.”

You chuckled, pulling away just enough to be able to look at him.

“Don’t get me wrong. I still find you insufferable.”

“You are driving me absolutely nuts.”

“You’re so annoying.”

“Not as much as you are. And I love it. Every second of it.”

“I love it too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

You leaned up towards his lips and he met you halfway, guiding your mouth closer as he kept his palms on your cheeks, brushing away the tears that kept on falling there.

And it lasted a long time, until you weren’t crying anymore, until you were reminded that if he kissed you like this, if he made you feel like this… it ought to be real…

“What did Liam say to get you so upset?” Ben asked in a quiet voice as you held him close again, your ear pressed to his heart to listen to the steady beating.

“I already had these thoughts. He just… voiced them, I guess.”

“What thoughts? That I had doubts about us?”

You nodded, felt him tensing against you, the hold on your body tightening.

“I don’t have any doubts about this.”

“I know it now. I know.”

“Can I be honest about your ex?”

“Of course.”

“I think he’s a jerk. He shouldn’t say things like that. He shouldn’t upset you this way. You don’t say things that could hurt someone so much they’ll cry and think lowly of themselves.”

You nodded, burying your face into his warm woollen jumper.

“I know, he’s an arse. That’s why I left him.”

“And you were right to do so. What a jerk...”

You chuckled, and he wondered why.

“It’s just…” you answered, still quietly laughing. “I want to murder your ex every time I learn something new about her, and it looks like you’re ready to throw hands with Liam.”

“Of course, I want to. I want to punch him into oblivion for making you cry…”

“We really do have shitty exes, huh?”

“Yeah… but we’ve got it better this time around, right?”

You grinned at that, looking up at him.

“True. Much, so much better…”

*******************************************

Taglist: @reg-arcturus-black @sergeantbuckybarnes @wolfmoonmusic @idek-what-to-put @kpicard @rhapsodyonthethames @friendly-philosopher

[solradguy]

Mr. Badguy I have a question as a guilty gear lore baby. I have been told sol/ky is problematic and I do not know why I fear. Could you please explain

Oh boy. I'm probably not the best person to ask about what ships are and aren't problematic because I honestly... just don't have the energy to care about it that much, it's like infinitely easier to block/blacklist and then move on. I don't know how people have the free time to get as worked up about it as they do.

Anyway. So, Ky's age before Missing Link (the earliest in the timeline of the games' stories) is generally the biggest problem. He was 20 in ML and a teenager through the Crusades. I think he was probably at least 18 near the end of the Crusades right before Sol left but that's pushing it. Anything with Ky and Order Sol's bad weird. I won't argue that at all, Ky was a kid and Sol was very much an adult, on top of the physical and mental power imbalance between them. Not good. Luckily, I really only see HOS/Ky stuff from the really early fandom (<2006) and IIRC their ages were still pretty vague back then so I'm just gonna chalk it up to no one knowing, especially in the EN fandom where it was a lot harder to find/get official information.

Between Missing Link to like late GGX/early GGXX I don't see what the problem with shipping them then is; they were both adults at that point and there wasn't even the power dynamic between them that there was during their Holy Order days. This, I think, really just comes down to personal reasons for not liking it. Which is fair.

After GGXX it gets... complicated.... Ky marries Sol's daughter but it's vague on when exactly Sol pieced it together that he even had a kid and that it was Dizzy, of all people. Ky definitely did not know she was Sol's kid until at least like partway through Xrd, when they both kind of put the pieces together and had a crisis over it. So shipping them after this point, between the timelines of Overture through Strive, you've got the issue of Sol now being Ky's father-in-law.

But the canon never straight up says Dizzy is Sol's kid (it is VERY HEAVILY implied though) and Sol and Ky both end up being dads together for Sin...?? It's like ASW is playing gay chicken with whether or not Sol and Ky are still shippable from an ethical standpoint lol Whatever that saying is about having a cake and eating it too, etc.

I saw the email for this ask this morning and I presented the Sol/Ky situation to my mom as if they were real people (she doesn't know anything about GG) and she was like, "That's a hell of a love triangle but I guess if the guy (Ky) and the daughter (Dizzy) got divorced and the daughter is alright with it, and it's consensual between the men, then it's weird but it's not as bad as some other relationships I've seen."

That's kind of how I feel about it too...? It's messy as fuck lmfao But I guess if there's a way to like write it so that Dizzy doesn't end up needing lifetime therapy then like... go for it....? I guess....???

I don't ship Sol/Ky because I think their dynamic is WAAAYYYY more interesting keeping them as rivals-turned-friends, and I like Dizzy too much; there's too big a chance of her ending up getting completely devastated by it. But as far as "problematic" Guilty Gear ships go, Sol/Ky's in the like... "People are wasting time arguing about this?" tier, imo. It being Thee biggest GG ship throughout the series' entire history is something to be considered, too. It's unavoidable, even the official art contributes sometimes. I often wonder why they decided to make it weird by throwing Dizzy into the mix because I know that, from digging through old forum archives, that change made a lot of people furious hahah

Disclaimer because the reading comprehension on this website is abysmal: I DON'T SHIP SOL/KY. IT'S FUNNY AS A JOKE BECAUSE IT'S AWKWARD BUT I DON'T SHIP IT IN SERIOUS CONTEXTS BECAUSE IT'S JUST NOT THAT GREAT A SHIP AND THE FATHER-IN-LAW THING MAKES ME A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

[missellaneousworks]

Apple from Tree - SDJ OC Drabble

Started off as a warm-up while I got back into the swing of things and then it turned into a whole thing. This came from me musing how having a relationship with a ghost could affect my OC, Ella, and her relationship with her parents.

EDIT: For some context, Ella grew up as an only child to loving but strict parents, who constantly worked in her early childhood due to unsuspected hardships. As such, though she was loved and cared for, parts of her childhood were rather lonely until she became friends with Ian, who became close to Ella's parents over time.

CW: miscommunication, family issues, angst, manipulation, Jack being Jack

Something is Wrong With Sunny Day Jack is a +18 ONLY series. MINORS DNI.

---

Despite waiting for her mother to pick up the video call, Ella couldn't help but fidget. She was going to tell her parents about her new boyfriend, Jack. Or... rather, what she could say without it sounding completely out of left field. It was something Ella had been mulling over for a while now, though the situation with her newfound love was a bit more... complicated since Jack was a ghost(?). It wasn't a topic that was discussed lightly when Ella brought it up to her primary-colored boyfriend.

"I'm... really touched you want to tell your parents about me, really, I am, Sunshine. But ..."

"...you're worried about how they'll react to someone they can't see or hear?" Ella tilted her head,

"Maybe. A little. It might be hard for them to accept right away, is all I'm saying."

Ella nodded thoughtfully, contemplating her next move. "Maybe we can ease them into that first? I should at least tell them I'm with someone. And after that we'll figure out a way that you can communicate with them. It's bound to happen eventually!"

Jack couldn't put a damper on Ella's optimistic glow, but... he was skeptical that this would work, for Ella's sake of course. He'd hate to see her go through with this and not be the outcome she had hoped for. However, Ella had her mind set. And he would stand by and support her if needed.

"That sounds... doable," Jack muttered, thinking carefully. Ella reached to his hand resting on his knee and gripped it reassuringly. Jack's gaze softened "All right. I trust you, Sunshine."

Which now left Ella picking at the loose strings on her blouse, as she sat at her desk with her laptop open as the video call connected. Jack gave her some space but reminded her he'd be on the other side of the door. While he wasn't physically in the room, that didn't mean he wasn't eavesdropping--no, no. He was just in a position where he could happen to overhear them. Completely different.

He heard another woman's voice voice on the end of the video call, warm and friendly, followed by a man's voice. They shared pleasantries and updates with each other. Apparently, Ella's parents were planning a trip to see some relatives, and they might be able to visit sometime in the future. Ella nodded and responded appropriately until there was a lull in the conversation.

"Soooo, um, I have some news for you guys."

"Oh yeah?" Her father, who had spoken the least had perked up this time. "Everything okay, kiddo?"

"Yeah, things have been great recently. Really great!" Ella replied enthusiastically. "I'm actually seeing someone."

"'...seeing someone--?'"

"OH MY GOODNESS!" Ella's mother bounced in her seat and practically shoved her father to the side and out of the range of the camera. "I knew it! You've been extra happy during our weekly phone calls recently! Good for you, sweetheart! What's their name? Is it the new friend you mentioned before? What do they do for work? When did this whole thing happen?!"

The questions that spilled from her mouth were growing infinite at this point, so Ella calmly yet cheerfully interjected and answered the questions in order. "His name is Jack, Mom. Yes, it's the new friend I made a few months ago. Jack is a... councilor of sorts? He usually works with kids, but he really likes helping people in general." Technically that wasn't an outright lie, but it was the closest to the truth Ella could get without sounding too fantastical. "I guess this happened a few weeks ago?"

"Whaaaat?!" Her mother guffawed. "You waited that long to tell us anything?"

"S-sorry, sorry! Everything just happened so fast between work and Shaun coming over-- things kind of got jumbled."

"Hmmm, all right, all right. Is he nice, though? Handsome?"

"...yes and yes." Ella couldn't stop the blush as it crept onto her face. Her mother continued to gush and ask small questions, while Ella answered as best as she could. When hee mother asked how they met, Ella stated they sort of met when each of them were least expecting it. And that while Ella wasn't too sure about Jack when they first met, he really grew on hee the more time they spent with one another. Her father was oddly quiet throughout the whole call, only discernable reaction from him was the occasional raised eyebrow and 'hmm' in response to an answer. Finally, after a few more minutes of talking, they bid each other farewell and hung up the call.

Jack entered the room with a knock and a hopeful expression. "How'd it go, Sunshine?"

"It went really well! My parents are happy for me, I think. Well, my mom is. Dad was kind of quiet, but he'll come around--"

Ella's ringtone for her Dad interrupted her. Speak of the devil. "Huh. It's my Dad..."

"Would you like some privacy, Sunshine?" Jack offered helpfully.

"Nah, you're okay. I'm sure this'll be quick." Ella hit the green button and picked up. "Hey, Dad! You forget something?"

"Erm, hey, kiddo. I... couldn't say this in front of your mother earlier, but I have some... some concerns."

Ella rolled her eyes. Her father wasn't always the best at communicating emotions, such as sadness or fear, so she replied back in an attempt to alleviate any worries he had. "Dad, I'm fine. I'm doing okay on cash and I'm eating just fine."

"What? No, no, not about that!" Her father took a breath, to give himself a moment to choose his words. "I didn't want to say anything earlier, but... this new guy you're seeing... it sounds like you're serious about him." It felt like there was more he wanted to say, but stopped himself from elaborating.

"Um, yeah, I care about him. A lot." Ella answered matter of factlly.

Her father made a noise on the other end that sounded like he was bracing himself.

"Don't you think you're moving a little too fast?"

She wasn't sure why but she felt a tad defensive when her dad brought it up. "No? It's not like I met him yesterday and got married in Vegas, Dad. We were friends first for a few months then things kinda... happened." Her heart began to race as she saw a concerned expression cross Jack's face. Had she known the conversation was going to be about him, she would have asked Jack to leave the room earlier.

"Uh-huh. So why am I just hearing about this guy now?"

"Dad, I told you about him," She replied flippantly, trying to keep the tone light despite her anxiety beginning to spike. "Or at least I told Mom? He was the friend who finally helped me organize my kitchen?"

"I thought you were talking about Shaun?"

"Wha?" Ella's replied, utterly confused. "Nooo, Shaun helped me organize my movie and book collection. That happened before he moved away on his last movie project."

"Oh? Oh. Gotcha. So, completely different guy?"

Ella sighed, hoping the conversation would take a better turn now. "Yes, Dad. They're completely different people."

There was a long pause before he spoke up again. "So, I guess you're done with Ian, then?"

That question alone brought back a lot of negative emotions. Jack sensed that, too, as a wave of suppressed resentment, anger, and heartbreak flowed began to fester beneath Ella's skin.

"Dad," Ella's voice sounded tired, trying not to let her emotions get the better of her. The moment she got emotional, her father would get defensive, then they'd get into an argument. It happened countless times, especially during her teen years. Her father meant well, but there was always some sort of... disconnect between them. She couldn't explain what it was, but there seemed to be something that prevented them from truly getting along with each other. He always had opinions that went against her own, and she always had to fight to get him to understand her. Despite that, she took a deep, calming breath like Jack had taught her.

In 1, 2, 3, 4... and out 1, 2, 3, 4...

"I told you what happened between Ian and I. I know he was... a part of my life--of our lives--for a long time. But that's over now." Her dad loved Ian like a son, and he meant well--she knew that. But she did not want to get into this again. She already told her parents what had happened, at least the parts that Ian had told her on that horrible night, during their final phone call. Her mother was furious towards Ian, while her dad reacted to the situation with utter confusion and disbelief. 'That can't be right, that doesn't sound like something Ian would be capable of!' Ella had assumed her father had said that in denial, much like what Ella had to go through when the breakup first happened. But now it felt like he was siding with the man who hurt her.

"I know, kiddo, I know," he attempted to tone it down. "I guess I'm still stuck on it because it doesn't make a lick of sense after all of this time."

Ella couldn't bring herself to reply. This wasn't anything new to her, she overanalyzed the breakup and their entire relationship to hell and back. Jack moved a little closer to her, keeping his voice down.

"Sunshine, I know he's your Dad and you care for him a lot, but this is upsetting you. Maybe you should hang up for today."

She mulled on her lover's words, considering them. For whatever reason her dad wasn't getting the message that there would be no take-backs for Ian. Ella tried one more time to get the message across to her dad. If he really did care about her, he'd respect her decision and be happy for her, right?

"It was pretty cut and dry from what I heard, Dad. I can't--I won't-- go back to someone who can't commit to the bare minimum of a relationship."

"Okay, okay, I know! It's just... with Ian you guys knew each other for forever before getting together. And now this guy pops up out of nowhere? I'm just playing catch up with brand new information, kiddo."

"That's how dating works, Dad? I mean, you met Mom in college. Didn't you know each other for a short amount of time before you guys made it official?"

"I knew your mom for a whole year before we decided to give dating a go. You met this guy an unspecified amount of months ago. I just want to make sure you really like the guy and are not with him to get back at Ian."

The silence on Ella's side of the call was defining. This was her dad, someone who was supposed to know her. How could she say something so shallow about her?!

"Ella," Jack's voice nudged her again. "You really don't need this. It's okay to hang up the call."

"...Wow, Dad," Ella's voice wavered. "That was, uh... pretty shitty of you to say. Siding with the guy who betrayed my trust and not with the one who's making me happy."

"Hey, now hold on! I don't appreciate the tone you're using, kid. And don't take this the wrong way! You're putting words in my mouth! I'm trying to understand the chain of events, here!"

"He doesn't need to understand us. If we love each other, no one needs to understand, but U S. Put down the phone, Sunshine."

"It's just that I knew Ian, but I don't know this guy. I'm hoping you're not flying into the next available relationship just because you're lonely! People make mistakes when that happens!"

Ella's blood ran hot then... utterly cold. As if she was a pot about to boil over until she was taken off the heat. Jack's soothing voice snaked around her mind that was both suffocating and... safe.

"Your feelings for me and our L O V E could never be a mistake. Don't keep tormenting yourself, Sunshine."

"It's okay

to L E T G O."

Ella bit the corner of her mouth so hard she tasted a metal. Maybe... maybe what Jack was saying was the truth. Why was her Dad being so cruel and questioning who she chose to be with? Did he actually respect her own capabilities on deciding her own future? She loved Jack, and Jack loved her. He made her happy, she told her Dad that much. Maybe if he could actually get to meet Jack properly, actually got to talk to him, he could learn they had a lot in common.

He didn't even get a chance to meet Jack, but he made a snap decision on Ella's choice in partners going on little to know information. The next words out of her mouth was uncharastically monotone, bitter.

"I was really hoping you could just be happy for me, but if you care about Ian so much, then I won't stop you from keeping in contact with him. Just don't expect the same from me. I think it's best we don't talk for a while. Good-bye, Dad..."

"Wait a--!"

After hitting the end call button, Ella's phone fell onto the floor as she buried her face in her hands, her mind began to spiral and race. Except this time... she wasn't alone.

Jack's hand rubbed circles on her back, his voice low. "It's okay, Ella. It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. Shhhh..." He soothed as he cupped her cheeks and whipped a tear from the corner ofher eye.

"I don't understand!" Ella sobbed, letting the rest of her tears fall free as he clung to his chest. "I thought h-he'd be happy for me! M-Mom was happy, why can't he be?! What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing," Jack's voice was resolute. He carefully lifted Ella up and placed her securely in his lap. His strong, muscular arms wrapped around her, as if to shield her from the world and all its unfairness. "You did absolutely nothing wrong, Sunshine. If other people can't understand what we have is special... they aren't worth your time."

Ella continued cry into his chest in a mix of anger and regret billowing within her, and the uncomfortable twinge of shame for having such a negative reaction over her father's disapproval. It sounded like he wasn't anywhere near her Mom when they spoke over the phone. Did she also have secretive reservations about her relationship with Jack? Or was she unaware of the the disastrous conversation that transpired?

What was she going to do now...?

"I feel like I don't say this enough, but... it was really incredible you held your ground against your own dad. I'm... so proud to be yours, Sunshine. And so lucky you're mine."

She could only sniff, rubbing her face into the soft cotton fabric of his shirt. "I-I know, Jack."

She exhaled as Jack rested his head on top of her form, his voice wrapped around her trembling form like a blanket. "Remember, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, so long as we have each other. You're all I need, and I'm all you ever need. Isn't that right... Sunshine...?"

Ella felt herself sinking further into Jack's embrace, so much so that she couldn't even think before re replied back. "You're right... I love you, Jack."

"And I love you, Ella. F O R E V E R and E V E R."

[titleleaf]

'director's commentary' on any sex scene you've written that you consider particularly fraught/controversial?

You did not come to play tonight, my friend, and for that I thank you.

This is tough though because I write enough overtly terrible stuff — everything I write that’s more gnarly than like, gentle marital lovemaking is pretty dire — but what can be controversial in fandom is a wide net, so I’m going to go with most fraught/most upsetting for me, personally.

So: DVD commentary for “somebody’s sins but not mine” (Stranger Things, Billy Hargrove/Max Mayfield noncon) .

Content warning on the rest of this post for discussion of sexual assault/sexual abuse/sibling incest, underage (older teen/very young teen), physical abuse, misogyny. The fic is explicit (heed the warnings, seriously) but the discussion here is more general.

Obvious things up top — the title comes from the Patti Smith version of “Gloria”, ‘Jesus died for somebody’s sins, but not mine’. There’s legitimate line by line commentary on the song that digs into Smith’s thoughts and intentions with the lyric, which you can find here.

So much of Max’s s4 plotline is about shame, guilt, and being the opposite of free — grieving someone who hurt her very badly. She has so much to unpack by then.

The big throughline that jumps out at me here is all the very gendered bullying and verbal cruelty Billy uses toward Max — he uses the ancient abuser rhetoric of “teaching” her sexually, but he also frames it as teaching her to be a woman, to be sexually accessible and under his power. He really wants to break her down from any possible angle, and that makes this especially raw. From Billy’s side of things he’s very violently putting his attraction to her into terms he can understand, turning what should be a very fleeting confused thought in a confusing situation into something infinitely worse, but he’s also exorcising his anger at her independence and his own sense of powerlessness. Billy’s also young here, though certainly beyond old enough to be responsible for himself and to have there be a serious dynamic of power — to characters the Party’s age, he might as well be a full grown adult, but relative to actual adults he’s a shitty kid. I wanted to show how his aggressive embrace of a harsh and toxic model of 1980s masculinity is an overreaction to cover up his own experiences of abuse, being derided as weak and feminized, and to reframe the confusing experience of being desirable and desired even to adults in terms of his power over women. It’s not coincidental to me imo that his Big Moment of armor-piercing, monster-defeating humanity is in the context of his relationship with his mom and who he could have been if he’d escaped that trap of violent machismo/who he might be able to claw his way back to being again if he wasn’t getting fatally possessed by a Mind Flayer.

Billy’s a hot villain but I can’t get into fanworks that elide his bigotry and scariness. He’s pitiful but he’s also really fucking scary in a way that supernatural/otherworldly baddies can’t be to me.

Max’s confusion and resistance to being forced into this role of sexualized object is complicated by her own age-appropriate attraction to girls and similarly pretty normal interest around sex — those recollections and feelings are getting muddled together here and it was important to me to have that layer present. I love bi Max and her relationship to Eleven is so sweet and liberatory, so it’s important to me that her joyful presentation of “girly” stuff like fashion is so focused on self expression and being your own boss, which Eleven desperately needs both as a former institutional prisoner and a kid chafing to grow up under a pretty controlling father figure. (I really hated the whole “Hopper freaks out about Eleven doing teen stuff” plotline, and in addition to that her whole “escaped government captive” thing means that even his absolute best parenting has to be pretty restricted by circumstances.)

I had to do a bunch of reading about the interior of Billy’s stupid car — big ups to all the car nerds who have meticulously documented every car ever depicted on film — for another much more fun explicit fic and revisiting that for this one was a real “what the hell am I doing… I could be writing this same character getting railed on the hood of his Camaro by a consenting douchebag adult instead of viciously furthering the cycle of male violence by abusing his kid sister…”

I write a lot of villain/heroine dynamics but I don’t write a lot of sibling incest pairings and the sibling factor here makes everything sooooo much worse.

This fic is a fucking bummer! That’s my final word. Out of all the grim shit I’ve written this might be the grimmest.

[astrobei]

a while ago @elekinetic asked me to expand on my complicated feelings regarding ted wheeler and it wasn’t until i saw this post by @booksandpaperss that i was finally able to articulate what it was about ted wheeler that put me off so much:

he’s just really fucking clueless.

here’s the thing right, is that contrasted with the violent, abusive, asshole male characters we see in the show— lonnie, billy, brenner— ted wheeler’s character is almost comical. he’s a caricature of the typical 80s husband and father. and on the surface level, this is supposed to be funny or whatever, like, ooh, he’s just some guy, and maybe mike and nancy don’t talk to their parents but the byers’ dad was straight up abusive so it’s better than that. but consider: nancy is literally terrified of growing up to marry someone like her dad and living out a life like her parents (aka why the six little nuggets monologue effectively extinguished any of steve’s chances of getting her back). mike goes to his mom for comfort a few times, and they’re not close either, but we never see him have an interaction with his dad that isn’t hostile or painfully neutral. and ted and holly seem to have an okay relationship, but i’m attributing this to the fact that holly hasn’t yet grown into a person with her own opinions like nancy or mike, so ted finds it easier to be around her because she doesn’t talk back and she doesn’t really have a lot of feelings on things and she’s like a sort of blank slate before she comes into her own.

so this is the problem: he’s just totally checked out. karen can’t ever count on him to support her because he has no idea what’s going on. when he does step in, he does nothing but escalate the situation, usually for mike (“you see michael? this is what happens.”/“it’s strike twenty. if it’d been my coach, you’d be lucky to still be on the team.”) he’s had like, zero interactions with nancy which is maybe the whole point on its own.

and maybe this isn’t articulating my feelings in the most eloquent way but like the tags on the aforementioned post said: yeah maybe this isn’t the worst thing ted wheeler could do, but it doesn’t mean it’s good. there’s a permanent sort of silence that seems to linger over the wheeler house, why even though they have a clean kitchen and a basement and fancy plates at the dining table, the byers’ house is infinitely more homey than theirs. why even though karen obviously tries, sometimes trying isn’t good enough, because she defers to ted every time. having a parent be totally clueless and totally checked out really fucking sucks and it shows.

(and to sum it up: my dad thinks ted wheeler is the funniest and most relatable guy ever so that’s all i really have to say on the subject)

[paradoxcase]

Chapter 17 of Harrow the Ninth

Was also originally going to put this one together with Chapter 16, but again, it got long. There's way more to think about, and way more that's being obscured in this book than in Gideon the Ninth

This is funny coming after them all being upset about forgetting Cytherea's House name

Does "our holy resurrections" refer to them becoming Lyctors? Like, presumably if Augustine and Mercy were the very first people in their Houses they might have actually been part of the original resurrection, but it sounds like Cytherea was probably just born the usual way long after that

You know, it's funny, I noted it in the Dramatis Personae, but I actually forgot until now that Mercy was the Eighth House Lyctor. It's funny that there were two Lyctors who were experts on spirit magic (Augustine and Cassiopeia, if I understand the last chapter correctly) and neither of them was from the House that specifically specializes in spirit magic. Meanwhile, the founding member of the Eighth House specializes in having a very exacting knowledge of physical anatomy

So, I guess by this scheme, Ianthe is like, the Saint of Duels or something, and Harrow thinks she is the Saint of Epic Poetry but is actually the Saint of Bad Jokes and Titty Mags

It's kind of funny that John was completely wrong about how Mercy and Augustine would react to being asked about Cristabel. I wonder if there was something more complicated going on with her, or if John just has a really bad memory, like on the order of my grandfather remembering that my mother had a special relationship with peanuts, but incorrectly thought it must have been that she loved peanuts instead of the reality that she was deathly allergic to peanuts, and therefore sent us a giant thing of peanut brittle every Christmas that had to be handled like it was nuclear waste

Although, on second look, Mercy's reaction sort of seems sort of like maybe Cristabel meant a lot to her and she's just unhappy about talking about her with Harrow because she doesn't like Harrow and doesn't think Harrow is worthy of being part of a discussion about her. And Augustine does say she was "a delight" but he also says

so possibly the first part was sarcastic, or this is just Augustine's general fake affect that was mentioned in the last chapter

Yes, not being able to cook is infinitely more disabling when you don't even know what pasta is. Is this Harrow's issue with cooking, then, that she just doesn't know anything about the food the most people eat in places that don't have constant food shortages?

This is very interesting. Has Mercy killed a Lyctor, or planned to kill a Lyctor, or this just Augustine opportunistically saying something nasty about Mercy?

She says this, even though literally everyone on the Mithraeum hates her to some degree except maybe John, they complain about having to associate with her or help her and talk about how she's broken, and they all think she is going to die and none of them care. I guess from her perspective this is not actually worse than being constantly told about how she is 200 dead children, not to mention being told by her parents to commit suicide

Dying to know why this is. I mean, I guess he might be weirded out that she calls him Ortus and not Gideon, but other than that, why would he want to kill her? So far the only thing he's done on screen was tell John about Number Seven and agree to stay and fight it based on John's decision. Does he think she will endanger them in the fight, or something?

I seem to recall that John and Mercy had some thought that Gideon the First would be interested in some recent happenings in the Nine Houses, or something that was part of the BOE war back on the shuttle. Along the same lines that the Body may have been worried that Mercy would connect Harrow with Gideon's mom, is the recent event that Gideon the First would be interested in actually Gideon Nav's mom crashlanding on Pluto? In which case, does he think that Harrow maybe had something to do with that? Only, I think whatever it is that Mercy and John were discussing, it sounds like they haven't actually shared that news with Gideon the First, or at least hadn't at the time they were on the shuttle

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Season 1 Recap

Sometimes I post session logs from Two-Faced Jewel, a formerly-D&D tabletop campaign I've been running for my friends @eternalfarnham and Zero. There's like a lot of them now, though! Maybe you thought they were interesting but didn't want to catch up on 20-odd longposts of someone going on about his D&D game. Wouldn't blame you! So I'm gonna do you a solid and compress the entire first "season" of the campaign into one cliffsnotes summary, so when I start posting the second season you can just pick up on the middle. Here goes!

This is Looseleaf! She is a magic moth, and she's going to school!

This is Saelhen! She is half-elf, half-crime, and she wants to steal from school!

School has a magic arm thing! Saelhen pretends to be a Fancy Lass Indeed, and gets the school to give her the magic arm thing!

But uh-oh! Now it's stuck, and she can't flog the magic sleeve for Loads of Money! Also, the school thinks someone should follow her around to study the magic sleeve, so now Looseleaf is following her! This is bad news for crime!

The magic sleeve says "go over there", so they Go Over There, and…

…oops! It opened a hole and made infinite bats from nightmare hell! Maybe this magic sleeve is bad news.

The school says "pshaaaaaaw, naaaah, it's fiiiiine", and when the sleeve says "now go over here!" the school sends them to do that again! Cool plan!

Problem is, this time "go over there" means "go really far away to a dangerous jungle", so Looseleaf and Saelhen need help! Let's meet help!

This is Orluthe! He has a halberd and is friends with God! Or, one of the gods! But secretly, he's not friends with that one! He's friends with a different one! Chicanery is afoot!

This is Oyobi! She has a bow and arrow and is friends with Looseleaf! But secretly, she's RUDE. Elf rude! It's like an invisible kind of rude only elves know about.

So they leave town to follow the sleeve and go over-

-Oh, hey. Uh… this guy's coming too, I guess! School says so! His name is Vayen, and he's friends with [NOBODY]! But secretly, he's, uh… he's secretly… he's definitely secretly something. I guess… that's fine…

So they go follow the arrow!

On the way, they stop by a town! The town's feuding with another town, because of murders!

Luckily, Looseleaf is magic! Her magic is really special, and she uses it to solve the crime! Turns out, this guy living in a torture wizard's evil torture tower did it! Huh! How 'bout that!

The guy tells them that a scary dragon was forcing him to do it, though, so the real problem is the dragon. But how are they gonna stop a dragon?! That's way out of their pay grade. They're gonna go call the fantasy cops instead.

So they go to another town, and they go grab a pack of high-level dragon-slaying adventurers, and have those guys do it. Very sensible!

(By the way: those guys apparently work for a shadowy conspiracy that's trying to hide from the gods themselves. So did the torture wizard! So does Looseleaf's long-lost sister, apparently! That's- that probably isn't relevant! It's fine! That plot can wait!

They go back to town, which has some monster problems to solve, and while the adventurers fight the dragon, the party… kidnaps a child! Rescues a child? She has a complicated relationship with her mom, which is definitely grounds to invisibly sneak her out of town to go adventuring with strangers! Yeah! Sure!

The party, plus a child, move on with their main quest- which means they all have to get on a boat! No, not this fancy boat- this other one. The fancy boat is way too fancy. They can't afford something like that! A different boat will be fine.

Guess what? The different boat gets attacked by a bazillion sea monsters! Including a dragon!

Luckily, they make friends with the dragon, who's really interested in the magic sleeve for some reason. This is yet another thing that's probably fine!

Finally, they reach Fantasy Bahamas Las Vegas, and it's time for a vacation while they wait for the ferry to their destination! They split up and stay at different resorts.

The next morning, oh crap! Fantasy Jimmy Buffett killed the other resort guy! At least, that's what the cops think, so Fantasy Jimmy Buffett hires them to investigate and prove his innocence!

Turns out, Fantasy Jimmy Buffett didn't do it! They prove that super good, by proving that he's a vampire and all his staff are enslaved vampire thralls and one of them did it to frame him as revenge for the slavery thing! Congratulations, Vampire Jimmy Buffett! You are innocent, and also, toast.

Now that Jimmy Buffett is dead, there are definitely no more problems ever- WHOOPS all those vampire thralls are now no longer under orders to not eat the guests. Oops. Better do something about that.

While fixing the vampire situation, they meet Miriko, vampire middle management, who turns over a new leaf and helps them wrangle the thralls and gives them all of Jimmy Buffett's stuff, under definitely no duress at all. The party offering to smuggle her off of the island to evade punishment for vampire crimes had nothing to do with it.

The little girl they kidnapped wants to go to the fashion school on the island, though, so… Saelhen pays for that! All kidnappings well that end well! It's very expensive, but they have all of Jimmy Buffett's stuff now, which includes a lot of money. And would you look at that! All of Jimmy Buffett's stuff ALSO includes that very fancy boat from before! So… now the party has that!

They re-christen their new boat the Two-Faced Jewel, after its secret smuggling hold and definitely not to squeeze in a title drop- and now, they're off to the very dangerous jungle!

Next: adventures in the ghost dryad mafia jungle city, Thunderbrush!

[judedeluca]

Jude’s 32nd Birthday Wishlist

Yeah, I’m posting this now. Because if I’m getting the holiday prompt list up for everyone else I might as well.

This year has been a fucking nightmare. You’ve all seen my posts about what’s been happening in my life. With my mom, and the house, and the mortgage and everything. It’s just been blegh. So I might as well.

That’s why when I put this together I made it entirely villains and antagonists.

07th Expansion: Featherine Augustus Aurora

The majestic Witch of Spectating and Theatergoing, who is said to have died and come back to life to surpass the realm of witches. She’s considered to be a total monster by the likes of Bernkastel, and has the power to simply pull out reality’s script and change it at her whim if she feels like it.

Avengers: June Covington (Scarlet Witch/Toxie Doxie)

A scientist with an affinity for poisons and body augmentation, she has no regard for human life and enjoys experimenting on herself. She served as Norman Osborn’s Scarlet Witch in his second version of the Dark Avengers.

Batman: Nocturna

Natalia Knight, a morally complicated jewel thief who fell in love with Batman, and later became the foster mother of Jason Todd. Her relationship to Bruce and Jason was erased thanks to Crisis on Infinite Earths. Unfortunately, later characters using the Nocturna name have been written as sexual predators, though they are NOT Natalia Knight.

Captain America: Superia/Broad-Stripe

Diedre Wentworth is a noted misandrist who has tried to take over America using an organization of all female supervillains called the Femizons. She at one point altered time by inserting herself into the early days of the Avengers under the name “Broad-Stripe.”

Courage the Cowardly Dog: Benton Tarantella

In life, Benton was a serial killer who posed as an amateur director. He killed over a dozen people before he was finally put in prison. Benton spent the rest of his life behind bars and died, but came back as a zombie.

Dial H for Hero: Ayenbite

A shadowy spirit of remorse summoned when Q-U-E-D is dialed.

Doom Patrol: The Toy

A later member of the Brotherhood of Dada.

She’s often late, and people die because of it.

Flash: Lady Flash

Christina Alexandrova, a.k.a. Lady Savage, Lady Savitar, what have you. A Russian speedster and cocaine addict who became obsessed with Wally West.

Goosebumps: Lucy and the Camp Spirit Moon ghosts

Campers and counselors who were killed by a mysterious black fog, left to haunt the grounds of Camp Spirit Moon. Their only means of escape is to possess a living body. Anyone who tries to leave the camp on their own becomes part of the black fog.

Graveyard School: Aunt Mab

Kyle Chilton’s supposed great aunt, or rather his grandfather’s aunt’s cousin or something. She looks extremely young for her age to the point she doesn’t seem human. She enjoys subtly screwing with Kyle’s head.

Green Lantern: Lord Malvolio

A mysterious alien whose parents were a Green Lantern and an Earth woman. His battles with Hal Jordan ended with the implication that Malvolio tampered with Hal’s ring.

Gundam: Katejina Loos

A selfish young woman who tried not to get involved with the League Militaire’s battle against the Zanscare Empire, only to gradually lose her morals and sanity after she was rescued by Chronicle Asher of BESPA

Iron Man: Hypnotia

A seductive hypnotist and top henchwoman for the Mandarin, she is lusted after by Dreadknight and Blacklash but desires only Tony Stark

Justice Society: Harlequin’s Son

A time lost forgotten antagonist connected with the Justice Society and Infinity Inc., son of Molly Mayne, the original Harlequin

Legend of Zelda: Twinrova

Gerudo sorceresses Koume and Kotake raised Ganondorf and act as his servants, watching over the Spirit Temple and brainwashing the thief Nabooru to serve him. While fighting the Hero of Time, the two combine into Twinrova.

Legion of Super-Heroes: Saturn Queen

Eve Aries of Saturn’s moon Titan. One version of this criminal telepath traveled back in time and helped raise Superman and Batman from childbirth with her cohorts Lightning Lord and Cosmic King. This Eve somehow survived the rebirth and destruction of her universe and ended up in the Phantom Zone.

Magical Girl Raising Project: Melville

A nomad Magical Girl with a rather bizarre speech pattern. She has the power to change her color, letting her blend into the background. Melville wields a harpoon and a bow as her weapon.

She is an ardent supporter of the Musician of the Forest, Cranberry, and will use any means possible to kill her opponents

Mahoney’s: Tormenta

The ebon sorceress and frequent patron of Mahoney’s, she’s crushing hard on server Blender.

Mario: Sue Pea

A ghostly little girl who took a nap and died in her sleep. She haunts the guest room in Luigi’s Mansion.

Power Rangers: Dark Rangers

Lord Zedd’s attempts at creating his own set of Power Rangers. The first group was made up of bullies from Angel Grove High. The second time he went international and recruited criminals from around the globe. The third time, he empowered his minions and a putty duplicate of Rita Repulsa.

Sailor Moon: Zoisite

One of Queen Beryl’s Dark Generals, a smug, vain, and manipulative bastard happy to use underhanded tactics and backstabbing to get what he wants.

Sleeping Beauty: The Evil Fairy

Whether it’s by Disney, Jetlag Entertainment, or Shelley DuVall, she exists to not get invited to the princess’s christening and gets super pissed off. So she curses a baby to die at age 16, and even when the spell’s altered to an eternal slumber, she won’t be deterred. You’ve got your Maleficent, your Odelia, and your Henbane.

Spider-Man: Talon

A “trust fund baby” named Cheyenne who moonlights as a cat burglar, out to steal items of sentimental value from famous people

Static Shock: Madelyn Spaulding

An egotistical and unpopular girl who gained the power to control minds from the Big Bang. She went on a rampage after no one would nominate her for student body president, and tried to take over Dakota.

Supergirl: Superior Girl

Belinda Zee, an unstable duplicate of Linda Lee created when kryptonite rays were filtered through a projector. She’s pretty, popular, and absolutely horrible.

Superman: Puzzler

Valerie Van Haaften is an obsessed Superman fangirl who decided to get his attention by become a supervillain. She now has a body made up of enchanted puzzle pieces she can manipulate with her mind.

Super Sentai: The Flowery Kunoichi Team

Also known as the “Hanarangers,” the Kunoichi Team is made of evil, floral themed women who were created to fight the Kakurangers.

Titans: Dark Angel

An evil, demonic witch obsessed with making Donna Troy as absolutely miserable as possible. She’s the person who destroyed Donna’s past and succeeded in making it impossible for it to be straightened out.

Urusei Yatsura: Ran

A supposed best friend of Lum, Ran puts on the façade of a cutesy homemaker who loves frilly things and baking, when she’s really a vindictive, manipulative succubus capable of sucking the vitality out of people through her lips.

Wonder Woman: Blue Snowman

Byrna Brilyant, a gender fluid immoral scientist who stole their father’s invention of “blue snow” and uses it for the sake of monetary gain.

X-Men: Nanny and Orphan-Maker

A pair of traumatized mutants who try to “save” mutant children by killing their human parents

Yu-Gi-Oh: The Kageyama Sisters

Risa Kageyama and her identical sisters are obsessed with Duel Monsters and have built their deck around the Hecate Sisters

[biffhofosho]

Hello, yes, it’s me! your favorite mexican jumping bean and I am here, freaking finally, to catch up with my reading.

I am infinitely grateful to you cause I had read this chapter before it was published, and that’s one of the perks of having a wonderful author as your friend!

I just re-read this chapter and I love it so much, it sets the scene so well, I adore all of the characters, Naran is so fierce and stubborn but she still has to play by the rules.

Her mom is also fire and she tends to her duties and her country and understands why Naran want to rebel because she feels the same and she has to make her daughter comply but at the same time she is not willing to marry her daughter to someone that might hurt her and she will be very protective of her forever.

Hyungwon is perfect, dreamy and defiant, he also has a big burden as the heir of the empire and he knows how to play his cards, charming and handsome and stubborn too. I WOULD MARRY HIM IN AN INSTANT, I AM AT OUR FEET MILORD!

I love the banter they relationship started strong and I am dying, I would die for them. Like I am not into politics at all, but this is infinitely interesting and I love it sososos much.

The best part is that i can just continue reading, cause the next chapters are ready hehehehe

*cues the mariachi band*

Girl, you always gonna get the insider scoop. Perks of being my biggest cheerleader. :D

Making characters is so much fucking fun. Why does nobody want to do this!!! I LOVE writing for Naran and Jigme. Complicated mother-daughter dynamics are a joy to write. Digging into personalities and motivations as at the top of my list for most favorite pastimes in writing.

You know me, forever groveling at the feet of the House of Chae. We've barely scratched the surface of Hyungwon's true motivations and needs, but when we get there, hopefully on a reread, all those things will shine through vividly.

Lord, I KNOW. Politics are not my thing either. Like, Game of Thrones is so far over my head and I just end up not fucking caring, but it would be impossible to sway an independent rebel like Naran without the heaviest of pressure. Let's hope she can be the "right hands" after all.

As always, you're the world's greatest reader. Thank you for finding me, milady. *sob*

[aceoflights]

I hate when people ask me what my relationship with my parents is like.

Cause I can't just say "good" or "bad"

I love my mom so so so much. I could not imagine a life without her.

And I have an infinite amount of extremely complicated thoughts and feelings about my dad who I have seen one time since this year started.

[legoflowercrucifix]

my religious rant while I wait for my painting to dry

honestly I'm not quite sure what I am intending to do here but I just needed to get a few things out my mind, its easter after all and what other time of the year could I possibly use to question religion and my place in it. to clarify i was raised a weird mix of Christian and roman catholic and mainly the Hispanic version of it all.

Growing up, I remember waking up and putting on my best dress and sandals to go sit in the pews and listen to some old man rant about the bible and its intentions. I was disconnected to it all, i don't think I ever submitted to it fully(much less now), more bothered by how itchy the dress was or how long i had to sit still and quiet.

Moving to the US, what little religious identity I had was put aside with new priorities, we tried new churches every once in a while but it has not truly stuck. We still say grace at meals and i pray whenever i remember to(which isn't very often if i think about it), but we aren't extremely dedicated. I like to say its a casual thing, more about the habit than true faith for me, unlike my parents who actually believe.

I am queer, and I cant say I have any super hidden amounts of religious guilt because of it, more like minor reminders every once in a while that there's a chance when I die Ill be denied the pearly gates because i stared a little too long in the scene in Aladdin where Jazmin is dancing for Jaffar, or I drew tigress from Kung Fu Panda a little too much, but nothing that truly keeps me up at night.

Part of me feels guilty simply for not believing as much as I want to, since now I understand that my queerness and religion can live side by side, and I want to believe in something but i don't fully put all my faith and trust in it like I should.

Most of the time I don't know who or what God is, sometimes God is this disconnected figure i pray to in the middle of my math test, sometimes god is the rosary hanging on my door, sometimes god is a distant parent who i keep forgetting to call, sometimes God is my mom as I hold her tight, sometimes god is a net pulsing inside the walls like mold, sometimes god is just an ideal i hold on to when life feels a little too cold and alone.

I don't know if having faith is a choice, is it a feeling? do people who have faith in whatever religion they follow just do so blindly and wholeheartedly? is that what faith is, to not have all the answers yet still believe you are right? to trust in something you cant see to hold you in its arms when you fall?

I mostly believe(or like to think i believe) that God set all the atoms and particles of the universe into place and stood back to watch things play out, like a child with an ant farm or someone's science fair experiment that got a little too into the growing bacteria aspect and caused a school wide flu outbreak. And after infecting the entire school, the kid(God) kinda just stood back and watched the mayhem breakout because what was he gonna do? stop the spread?

Maybe faith is just liking the idea that some entity beyond our comprehension and understanding that is infinitely more powerful than us loves and believes in us, even if we don't, that the mercy it provides is proof that there are better things out there waiting for us, that the reason they don't step in and stop the atrocities committed by humanity is because it needs us to learn, to stand on our own, like a parent watching a child lean back on a chair too much, knowing no matter what they say, nothing will stop them except the feeling of hitting the floor, and a sound "I told you so".

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have a weirdly parental and complicated relationship with God, and just like with my actual father, maybe i should give him a call more often, just to know that they're still there. Religion brings me little comfort, more questions than answers, and maybe that's how it will always be for me, maybe I will never find the satisfaction of knowing what it is like to fully believe, but maybe I can sit in my little limbo and think of religion in terms of my family, a sacrifice I make for them, hanging up the rosary not because it itself is protecting me but because it was a gift from someone who cares and protects me, saying grace before eating because my mothers hands are truly blessed, praying that my father is safe because maybe God wont do it for me but they'll do it for him, maybe believing and faith is a group effort.

[eurydice-thefool]

on days when i flatten my hair and it parts in the middle (it always wants to no matter what i do) i feel like i look like the kid from hocus pocus. little insecure but that is okay because that means it’s still too short for my brain to compare me to david a r white,

[florenzismind]

So, we know that Isabel is in next week's TCL episode, but she is also in the following week's. I don't necessarily have a problem with her, but I do have an issue with all of these ladies around Arman. What is the goal, here? I kind of gathered that Arman is a ladies' man, and Hayak even says he's given him women (maybe a business thing for the hotel...I can only hope). It almost seems like a character inconsistency. Like, is he a mobster with a good head on his shoulders and morality? Or isn't he? I know it's early in the series, but I already feel like I've been watching for two years. I have dealt with quadrangles before. It never ends well. All you get is warring fandom. I feel like there is going to be progress made between Arman and Thony within the next two weeks where they become more intricately connected, in more ways than one. But still, there are things that seem to need to be contended with.

Hi, anon! :)

I totally get where you're coming from but I'm not really worried about Isabel (or Nadia). I'll try to explain what I mean, so apologies if this gets long-winded and too elaborate lmao. (But also thank you for sending this ask because I love talking about the show!)

This meta is long, so I'll put everything under the cut in case someone's interested in my analysis of Arman and his relationships with Isabel/Nadia/Thony. <3

We know that there are two versions of Arman. I don't mean that one version of his isn't honest or real but rather that Arman had to leave his vulnerable side behind when he joined Hayak's operation. It seems like he fell in love with Isabel in his early Hayak days, where he was just considered some tool. She broke his heart (because Hayak forced her to) and he let it happen, focused on his job and making Hayak proud instead. He lost contact with his family and obviously poured his entire heart and soul into this new "family". He's incredibly loyal, which is an intricate part of Arman that is true to both versions of him (which is his best quality and his downfall at the same time *angsty chef kisses*). I don't know if Arman considers Hayak his family but I'm absolutely sure he'd still die for Hayak. We've seen week after week that Hayak doesn't see Arman as a part of his family and he will never be accepted into Hayak's family either. Arman might get more opportunities and responsibilities but that's just because he's incredibly good at his job and Hayak knows and uses that. But at the end of the day Hayak still sees Arman as a tool he can use to achieve his goals.

When it comes to the women in Arman's life, his mom, Isabel and Nadia and Thony represent different focal points (or maybe influences).

His mom obviously raised this vulnerable, loyal, incredibly attentive and (emotionally) intelligent man. He was aware of his family's struggles and wished more for his mom. I do think they had a good relationship and that definitely shaped his respect for women and his relationships with them. This is the Arman we're all drawn to (and I'm including Thony here lmao).

Then, he met Isabel and fell in love with her. She's the daughter of his boss, which, of course, made their relationship infinitely more complicated. Isabel probably got to know him in his early days, not entirely shaped by Hayak. I'm sure he did a lot to make Hayak happy because he wanted to make a good impression on the father of his love. Arman was probably softer around the edges, there was less blood on his hands and more idealism in his mind. Isabel represents the past in a way, one of the last genuine relationships he made with no direct connections to his job. But that relationship got tainted at the end because Hayak intervened to end it once and for all. No doubt, she will remind him of his more vulnerable side. But it's a double-edged sword because she will also always remind him of the fact that he will NEVER be a part of Hayak's family (and I'm sure that's her main narrative role.)

Now, there's Nadia. She's a really interesting character that isn't entirely tangible to me, yet. I think Arman likes her well enough, he obviously trusts her when it comes to business. He might even love her but I doubt he's in love with her (or ever was for that matter) and I think that applies to both of them tbh. I think they either have an open marriage or it's for business (and some pleasure on the side lmao) entirely. But the narrative makes sure to include a lot of business talks in their scenes together and I think that's important because it showcases her role in Arman's life. Her role isn't to be the romantic partner in Arman's life, she is directly tied to his "criminal life" and therefore Hayak. She represents his current life, his present in some way which is filled with work relationships that he conveniently paints as family ties even though he hasn't had a genuine relationship since Isabel broke up with him and he lost all contact with his actual family. There's a reason why Nadia specifically reminds Arman that Thony's only the help. The narrative wanted to tie Nadia to Hayak (!).

Then, there's Thony. She brings out this "old" side of Arman. The man his mother raised, the man Isabel fell in love with. She makes him vulnerable or rather he wants to be more vulnerable with (and for) her. She makes him question himself constantly because she doesn't let him get away with anything. She lashes out when she's scared and always manages to see right through him (and hurts him in the process). She's a person that values family above anything else, she's incredibly loyal to her family and I'm sure Arman is drawn to that. He aches for something like that, I think, and it's so obvious because just look at his face when Thony gives him Luca's drawing? I think Thony represents the Arman he was before he became who he is right now. But Thony isn't tied to Hayak (at least in a metaphorical sense). She's loyal to her family and cares about Arman in some way but that's about it. She represents his future: The only way Arman can actually change and grow as a person is if he rejects Hayak and chooses himself. Arman hasn't been loyal to himself and his own morals for so long and I think Thony let him realize that. And because Thony is connected to him in that way, by choosing himself, he will choose her.

I'm personally SO ready to see the episode when he will have to make a decision and choose Thony and by that automatically reject Hayak and Nadia (I could actually imagine Isabel helping Arman with Thony? It'd make sense in this narrative construct at least).

Long story, short, anon (I've been writing this for an hour now, don't mind any mistakes lmao): That's why I'm not worried about Isabel or Nadia at all. Arman's introduction, his very first scene with Thony, was without a doubt romantically coded. The writers are aware of their relationship: People like them together because we're supposed to like them together. They're written to be read romantically from the very first episode. And I'm very excited to see how their relationship will develop, however long it'll take for them to actually be canon 'in an exclusive relationship and us against the world together'- kind of way! :)