#my room is a freezer and i’m due on my period this is fine :)))

[tuituipupu]

almost 2am and i want soup >:((

[jkstompers]

don’t go | jjk

pairing: jeon jungkook x female reader

summary: you and jungkook were simply roommates, nothing more than that. no matter how much you wanted to get to know him, jungkook always left before you were able to get any deeper than two weeks into his past. 

word count: 3.3K 

genre: roommates, established friendship, hidden feelings, angst, slight fluff

warnings: none! :) (except maybe some typos...ignore that...haha...)

author’s note: yes hi hello! i’m so sorry i haven’t posted in so long AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO POST THIS FIC THE DAY AFTER VALENTINES UGH!! I’M SLACKING, I’M SORRY!! i’ve been writing but i don’t have the motivation to finish and ugh it’s a mess in my brain right now. this fic i was able to finish though! hopefully u enjoy it ♡(ŐωŐ人) please let me know what u think! sorry again for being so inactive T口T. 

side note: this is how i imagined jungkook in this fic! his pink sweater and long hair (╯°▽°)╯ ┻━┻ .crying. 

also banner picture cred: here <3

“welcome home roomie! how was your month long vacation from me this time?” you greet jungkook when he walks into the kitchen for breakfast. he just came back last night from one of his month long rendezvous that occur way too often in your opinion. jungkook would disappear and reappear every other week or so. he never told you where he went and you never really found yourself dedicated enough to find out. 

“fun,” he answers flatly, “and to be specific, it was only two weeks.” he clarifies the time he spent away, sitting down at the island and surveying the food you laid out. you outdid yourself this morning, an array of different breakfast foods. “you made all of this?” 

you nod, “they were about to go bad, so you better finish all of it.” 

he sends you a half smile, teetering on a smirk as he takes the plate you hand him. “you doing anything today?” he asks. his fork stabs through two pancakes and moves them to his plate, shoveling bacon and eggs onto there as well. 

“on this fine sunday? sadly, no, just some homework i need to finish.” you sigh, taking a sip from your glass of water. your seat is to the right of jungkook, at the head of the island. it’s now that you really take your time to look at him. his morning look in all it’s glory. a face swollen and hair messy in the cutest way. it wasn’t fair that he was attractive during times when you’re supposed to look unattractive. his hair has grown a little longer since you last saw him, the ends of his hair touching the apples of his cheeks now. speaking of his cheeks, he stuffs them full of food and chews, his eyes wandering around the apartment until he makes contact with yours. catching you staring. 

he swallows, bringing his glass of water to his lips before speaking again, “my face that interesting to you?” the question comes with a piece of pancake on his fork, offering it to you.  

like a reflex, you open your mouth to accept the pancake. but you scrunch your nose at the remark he made, “you look different.” 

the statement is meant to be innocent, speaking of the way his hair is a little longer and how you notice a new tattoo gracing his arm. but jungkook seems to take it a little deeper, your words ringing in his head. different? does that mean you look at him different? is he prettier now? uglier? what do you mean by that? 

“do you want to go grocery shopping later?” he asks. hoping you didn’t notice the long pause he took to overthink. 

“sure,” you shrugged. a small bubble of excitement forming in your stomach. “we’re out of ice cream anyway.” you try to carry a nonchalant reaction when nods. 

when the two of you finished filling your bellies, jungkook helped you wash the dishes and clean everything up. the feeling of having him around makes you feel at ease. you wish it was like this more often. for the past two years jungkook had been your roommate, he paid his dues, cleaned his messes, and kept you company from time to time. when he wasn’t there (which was ⅔ of the time) it didn’t feel right. it would feel colder in the apartment, even if the heater was turned up. just...empty. sometimes you wished his socks or hoodies were left lying around the apartment for you to pick up and bicker with him about. rather, he cleaned every spot, no laundry to pick up, no spills to wipe, nothing. leaving no signs that he lived here at all. 

“nap for a little bit and then we’ll go?” jungkook asks, snapping you out of your thoughts. you nod, telling him to wake you up when it was time to go. 

you felt a warm hand on your shoulder, gently shaking you awake. your eyes open to see jungkook in front of you, pink sweater and black hair, contrasting perfectly in the sun that’s shining through your window. “let’s go now,” he says. 

you nod, getting up from your bed and stretching as you walk over to your closet, grabbing a sweater to wear. jungkook offers to drive, you sit in the passenger seat, mind focused on what you had to buy for the house. you make it to the store and grab a cart, jungkook following behind you, “do you need anything?” you ask. 

“some shampoo and conditioner,” he answers. you nod, moving to the bath section and waiting as jungkook chooses his items. the rest of the trip consists of you and jungkook asking each other if you needed said thing for the apartment. “we have to get more blankets,” he declares as you pass the home goods section, grabbing a fluffy blanket.

you scold him, “we have too many blankets, put it back.” he presses his lips into a tight line, showing his dissatisfaction. you both continue to walk around a little longer, moving to the food section. “see, this is what we need!” you pull out the cookie dough tub. 

“dough?” he snorts, taking a look at the bucket as you hold it. 

“it’s ready to eat cookie dough! no salmonella for us!” you smile, dropping it into your cart. jungkook doesn’t say anything after that, you knew he wanted the cookie dough too, you were just taking one for the team. 

walking a little further into the food section, jungkook taps your shoulder, pointing to the other side of the freezers. “ice cream?” 

“oh, yeah,” you nod, pushing the cart that way. you pull the vanilla ice cream out and place it in the cart, jungkook furrows his eyebrows. 

“vanilla? out of all the flavors here? really?” he stares at you, a serious look on his face. you can’t help but start laughing, his face breaks, a small smile appearing on his face but he tries to get back to a serious expression. 

“it’s good! and you can eat it with the cookie dough,” you reason. jungkook rolls his eyes, you always seem to find a way to stump him, he can never argue with you for too long, you’re just too good of a talker. he takes out a mint chocolate tub from the freezer. you don’t say anything but your face scrunches, visibly disapproving.

“don’t start, i will argue for mint chocolate until the store closes.” he warns. you decide to stay quiet, a smile cemented on your face as you make it to check out. the rest of the trip goes smoothly from there, picking up some food on the way home and then making it back to the apartment. 

the two of you decide to do some things on your own when you got home. jungkook had to clean his room and do some laundry while you had to finish your homework. a period of comfortable silence fills the apartment, unlike the cold silence that you were terribly used to. you couldn’t have felt any more content than how you feel now. 

a few hours pass before jungkook finishes his chores, you were finished with your work and were now scheduling your next week. he peeks his head into your room, coughing to get your attention. your head turns at the sound, “movie?” he suggests. 

you smile, standing from your desk. the two of you travel to the couch and plop down on the seats, your hand reaching out to the coffee table for the remote. “which one?” you ask, turning the tv on and clicking random buttons that bring you to netflix. 

“that blue one, with the blonde.” he points as you scroll through the selections. 

“mamma mia?” you snort. 

“looks interesting,” he shrugs. unfolding the blanket and splaying it over the both of you. the first fifteen minutes of the movie plays before both you and jungkook start getting hungry. a rock, paper, scissors game ensues to figure out who’s gonna get up to get the snacks. you lose, 2 to 1. 

you grumble, pulling the warm blanket off of you and moving to the kitchen. taking a bag of chips out, some candy that you had in the pantry, and then the tub of ready to eat cookie dough out of the fridge. the weight of it proving you to be one of the weakest human beings. the tub practically slams onto the counter. the lid once again proving that your strength was not that of thor’s. “jungkook!” you shout from the kitchen. 

“what?” he yells back. 

you try once more to pry the lid open, but to no avail. so you shout once again, “help me open the cookie dough!” 

you hear jungkook groan, but nevertheless he comes into the kitchen, his face silently asking what you need him to do. you show him that the lid is basically stuck and he takes it from you, trying to take the top off but he seems to struggle as well. “here, you hold and i pull,” he suggests, holding onto the lid as you hold onto the bucket part. something told you this wasn’t going to work, maybe you should have left it out to thaw first before you tried to open it. 

if someone were to walk in, the two of you would look ridiculous, but the cookie dough gives after a minute or so of pulling. the effort makes both you and jungkook stumble onto the kitchen floor. both of your laughs overlapping each other. you hold the cookie dough, “let’s stay here first, i’m tired.” your breathing is exaggerated to add effect. 

he grins, moving to grab two spoons before sitting down next to you, against the cabinets on the floor. he sticks the two spoons into the cookie dough, the two of you start digging in. “you know what would be perfect with this right now?” jungkook sits up, standing again and moving to the freezer. you raise an eyebrow, wondering what he’s got in mind. “your vanilla ice cream,” he pulls the tub out. 

“and to think you were making fun of me in the store for it,” you narrow your eyes, taking the ice cream from him. jungkook stands above you, smiling at the way you remain on the ground instead of going back to the couch in the living room. nevertheless, he joins you with his spoon in hand. 

he watches as you scoop from the container, over exaggerating a shiver when you put it in your mouth. “cold?” he asks, but you shake your head. he looks over to your arm, your goosebumps raising. “liar,” he snorts, taking off his hoodie and handing it to you. 

you give him a puzzled look, “i can just get my own—” 

“just take it,” he cuts you off, throwing the jacket into your arms. secretly, you smile to yourself, throwing the hoodie over your head and sliding it on. it smells just like him, an overbearing scent that you’ve found comforting these days. a sudden warmth rushes over you. 

the sound of the tv is in the background of your conversation, but you only pay attention to jungkook, the man who’s digging into your vanilla ice cream and feeding it to you. “you like feeding your roommates or something?” you mumble as you eat the cold cream. 

he shakes his head, a smile on his face. “you’re the first roommate i’ve had.” 

you raise your eyebrows, “like ever?” he nods. “makes sense, you don’t know proper roommate etiquette, because you’re never here,” you snort. it was a joke, but it was true. you were projecting your upset through the statement. he is never here, and you just wanted to know why. did he not like being around you? is he just using this place to shower and store his things? was that it? 

jungkook doesn’t reply to your remark. completely disregarding it when he speaks again, “yeah, i’ve lived on my own before i moved in here, i moved around a lot.” 

“why?” you ask. jungkook never answered ‘why’ questions. always said that it was never your business, that you were always so nosy. 

but this time he sighs, “not really sure.” his spoon stabbing into the cookie dough, scraping the sides for the softer dough. “never really had a reason to stay.” 

that was the most you’ve ever heard from him. no matter how much you wanted to ask why he stayed here, why he stayed with you. you knew that maybe it was pushing a little too far. one question at a time, baby steps, you tell yourself. 

but you couldn’t help but think— wish that you could be a reason to make him stay. 

“must be tiring,” you comment, taking a scoop of dough for yourself. he doesn’t reply after that, instead just smearing some of the dough on your cheek and nose. a gasp leaves your throat, wiping the stickiness from your face and transferring it to his. “you’re gonna give me acne,” you groan. 

“oh relax, i’ll help you wash it off.” he smiles as he stands up, holding his hand out for you to take. he sets the ice cream on the counter, you copy with the cookie dough. both of you travelling to the sink to wash your hands and your faces. jungkook dries his face off and stands by, watching as you splash water on your face. you miss a spot on your cheek, which he helps you wipe off. his thumb coming up and swiping against the dough. his hand is warm, if it were there any longer, you would have leaned into his touch. 

after you both dried your faces off, you both agreed that you’ve consumed enough cookie dough and ice cream for the night. after returning them to the fridge, you make your way back to the couch. the movie almost over, nearing the ending scenes when you sit down. jungkook chooses another movie, legally blonde. “lots of blonde today, thinking of bleaching your hair?” you joke, throwing a blanket on the both of you. 

“you read my mind.” he gasps sarcastically. 

another comfortable silence falls in between you both, the sound of elle woods speaking replaces your conversation with each other. you turn and watch as jungkook’s focus remains solely on the tv. you lean back into the couch, smiling to yourself. there was a bittersweet feeling to this moment. you were happy that jungkook was here, but something felt off. you felt yourself getting lonely. you feel this way every time jungkook is about to leave, it’s like you have a warning signal. like that one time last year where jungkook left for two months, december and january, the two most festive months of the year. you were out buying christmas decorations when you felt something inside of you grow cold. it’s when you got in your car that you saw his text. 

[7:58 pm] jungkook: *jeon jungkook has sent you $1,000* 

[7:58 pm] jungkook: ^^ for rent

[8:21 pm] you: leaving again? 

[8:23 pm] jungkook: yeah

[8:24 pm] you: when r u coming back 

[8:24 pm] you: i just bought christmas decor :( 

[8:25 pm] jungkook: :( sorry 

[8:26 pm] jungkook: also not sure

[8:26 pm] jungkook: i’ll be back to see them though! promise. i’ll help you take them down too 

with that, you went home and decorated the apartment with a christmas tree, a snowman, and stockings with yours and jungkook’s initials hanging below the tv on the wall. waiting patiently all december and the first two weeks of january to see if jungkook would ever come back to see how cute you made the apartment. 

he never did. 

rather, he came back the end of january, when all the festivities were done and the decorations were down. 

“where are the decorations?” he asks, shrugging off his jacket and walking into the kitchen. 

you rolled your eyes, picking up your mug of hot tea. “took them down myself, didn’t think you were coming back.” after that you moved into your room, watching tv and sulking to yourself. sure, you were upset but you shouldn’t have expected anything more from him. it’s become one of the only personality traits that you see in him: ghosting you and coming back like nothing happened. plus, it’s not like he owed you an explanation. you and jungkook were simply roommates, nothing more than that. no matter how much you wanted to get to know him, jungkook always left before you were able to get any deeper than two weeks into his past. 

you close your eyes and shake off the memory. breaking the silence when you speak, “you’re leaving soon, aren’t you?” 

his gaze moves away from the tv. his eyes meeting yours, “why do you say that?” 

you break eye contact before you shrug, “i can always feel it.” 

he doesn’t say anything after, letting you wallow in the feeling washing over you once again. jungkook was leaving again and he knew you knew. there was nothing he could say, because what did you want to hear? that he’ll stay? maybe it was because it’s only been a day, and he’s already leaving. the whole thing makes your head ache. the both of you continue to watch the movie until the end, the clock striking four in the morning. jungkook turns the tv off when you yawn. 

“tired?” he asks. you nod, standing from the couch and turning off the lights. he follows suit, stretching and trailing you down the hall. you walk into your room and lay on your bed, jungkook stays at your door, turning your light off before softly saying, “goodnight.” and then closing your door. 

sometime in the morning, around seven or eight, you feel your bed dip beside you. it’s jungkook, you can tell by the smell of his body wash. a strong fruit smell that always feels like it burns your nose. you’re barely awake, your head still lightly aching. your droopy eyelids beckon you to sleep. jungkook doesn’t say anything, instead just sitting there. 

in his head he’s saying something, apologizing to you for all the times he left you alone in this big apartment. you must have felt so alone, probably scared too. he’s too much of a coward to say it out loud. so for now, in his head, he repeats the apologies over and over again. 

“sweet dreams,” jungkook says. rising from your bed. you can feel it, the comforting weight next to you as you fall back asleep disappears. 

you blame your drowsiness for the way you reach out for his arm, gently holding his hand. he stutters in his step, looking back to you and your connected hands. “don’t go,” you mumble, eyes still closed. 

and for once. jungkook hesitates. for a split second, he wonders how it’ll feel to stay with you. 

but he doesn’t know. and he’ll never know. because in the next minute, he’s slipping his hand away from yours and grabbing his bag. walking out the door. again. 

in the morning you wake to an empty apartment. jungkook’s door is closed and it’s just you again. your feet pad against the cold floor into the kitchen, a paper on the island catching your attention. 

jungkook’s handwriting is specific, you could tell the marks apart from someone else’s. a smile spreads across your face when you read the note. terribly, your heart pounds and your cheeks flush. 

be back in two weeks. 

was supposed to be gone the entire month, but i wanted to stop by and see you. 

sorry i only stayed for a day. 

didn’t say it yesterday, but happy valentine’s day. there’s something in the fridge for you. 

take care. 

Xx, J. 

[nights-legacy]

Hi! I was wondering if you could do a headcanon of the guys from the 2003 series with their reader friend who plays Hockey with Casey, but he accidentally hits her with the puck. Please and Thank you! 😁

Here we go! I hope you like it!

Leo:

Loud chatter could be heard all through the lair as the entire gang was here. April and Casey had come over with food in hand while Y/N came only a few minutes later with new games, movies, and other things the boys had asked her to pick up. It wasn’t too long into the night that Casey had coaxed Y/N into playing hockey with him.

~

“Come on there, kid! You can do better than that!” Casey laughed as I tripped over myself trying to hit the puck.

“Give me a break! I barely know how to play!” I yelled back. I finally was able to get a good hit on it and got into a groove against him.

“Yeah, that’s it!” He praised. I was losing badly to him by the time 15 minutes had rolled by but I was still having fun. It was evident that Casey was really getting into it especially when the others started cheering us on.

“Not fair! Casey!” I whined after he did a fancy trick on me.

“Aw sorry princess.” He faux comforted me. I rolled my eyes but got ready. He began his move and took a shot. I was able to stop it and shoot it back. As he reacted, I noticed a change in his reaction and behavior.

“Casey…” I tracked his movement and saw him put his full strength into the shot. The puck flew into the air and straight towards me. My eyes widen and I dropped my hockey stick before curling into myself to lessen the blow. The puck slammed into my side, knocking the breath out of my lungs.

“Y/N!” I heard multiple yells. My knees gave out but I felt arms around me before I hit the ground. I gasped for breath while pulled me into his chest.

“It’s okay. Just try and take big breaths. No, no keep your back straight.” Leo softly directed me. I saw the other standing back but Casey was kneeling in front of me. He had a face full of worry and regret.

“I am so sorry, Y/N.” He said. “I let my head get to far in the game. I, I, I…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay Casey. I know you didn’t mean it.” I said softly once I got my breath back. I placed a hand on his shoulder.

“But be more careful next time.” Leo said in a stern voice. I saw Casey look at him surprised and a little fearful. I knew that Leo had to be glaring.  

“Leo.” I warned and tapped his plastron. I heard him sigh and go to argue but I gave him a glare of my own. “Don’t think you don’t do the same thing with training.” He snapped his mouth shut and looked away, nearly blushing.

“She gotcha, Leo!” Raph laughed and so did the others.

“Shut up.” He muttered before burying his snout in my shoulder as they all walked away. “You’re okay right?” I nodded. “Good.” He kissed my shoulder before picking me up and joining the others.

 Raph: (Not really being hit but very close)

Raph, Casey, and Y/N were hanging out in an ‘Abandoned’ gym that the guys had turned into a big game room/gym/sports spot for the whole of us. Raph had called them both out, wanting to get away from his brothers for a few hours. He and Donnie had gotten into it and now he was beating the crap out of a punching bag while Casey and Y/N play some hockey.

~

“Wonder what they fought about?” Casey whispered while eying Raph. “Raph and Don don’t normally get into it.”

“Don doesn’t normally get into it period.” I saw twirling my hockey stick around.

“Hey, high sticking!” He poked me. I groaned and rolled my eyes. I gave him a shove.

“Just hit the puck, Ice head.” I sassed. He held up his hands before dropping the puck. We played for at least 20 minutes and Raph was still beating the crap out of the bag. I was growing more and more worried.

“Raph?” I stopped and called out to him. He slowly stopped his assault, laying his hands on the bag before looking at me. I gave a soft smile before I heard Casey yell. I turned just in time to see the puck coming straight toward my face. I duck just in time and felt the puck drag through my hair.

“Y/N!” I heard both of them yell as I fell to the ground. I sat there, hands planted behind me and breathing heavy. Casey and Raph both appeared in front of me. Raph reached for and inspected my face. Turning my head checking every inch for an injury.

“Raph, Raph. I’m okay! I’m not hurt, it didn’t hit me. I promise.” I grabbed his wrist and stopped him. He let out a sigh of relief before placing his forehead on mine.

“Don’t scare me like that.” He whispered, pecking my nose. “And you! Be more careful!” He turned and punched Casey in the shoulder.

“Hey! I know, I know. I am so sorry, Y/N. I realized too late you weren’t looking.”

“It’s okay. I should have said something or at least waited until a better moment.” I said before standing up. They followed.

“I think that’s enough hockey for today.” Casey said picking up my dropped stick and walking to put away the equipment. I felt Raph grab me, turn me, and hug me.

“Softy.” I whispered. He growled and held me closer.

“Shut up.” He grumbled, pulling back a few inches. He looked down at me before a smile came across my face. “That was a nice dodge. Where did you learn such a move?” Smile turning into a smirk, I shook my head and laughed.

“Cocky little…” He covered my mouth.

“Ah, ah, ah. No cussing young lady.” He said in a proper voice. I narrowed my eyes before biting his finger. He yelped and jumped back. Casey burst up laughing as did I. Especially when Raph started pouting.

 Donnie: (Not really playing with him, but watching.)

The night was unusually slow and the guys had come home early due to no activity. Casey and Y/N had already been there for a while before the guys got back. As soon as they did, Mikey headed for the kitchen and Leo and Raph struck up a game of hockey with Casey. Donnie had stopped to visit with Y/N before going to his lab to finish off a project he had started before they left.

~

“Weak move, Raph!” Leo joked as the three maneuvered around each other. They were in the middle of an intense game. Mikey sat next to me, munching on a slice of pizza.

“You wish, Leo!” Raph dodged around his brother. I was really concerned for Casey playing with the two brothers but I knew he could handle them just fine. Raph made a goal and did a little dance.

“Whatever Raph!” Leo started the next play and just as Raph was about to make a move to steal the puck, Leo pulled a stunt causing Raph to land on his shell. The action did knock the puck away from both of them though.

“Playing dirty Leo?” Casey chuckled and stole the puck from a distracted Raph and Leo. He shot and scored in the goal. He was dancing while Leo and Raph started to get into it.

“You can’t leave it alone can ya Leo?” Raph growled. I rolled my eyes and tuned them out immediately and went back to the book I was reading when they got home.

“Immature….bull headed…”

“Stuck up…daddy’s boy…” A few words made it to my hearing every now and again. I lost track of the short time that passed until I heard Casey yelling and the others yelling for Mikey and me in panicked voices.

“What?” I looked up but cringed in pain when the side of my neck was hit with something hard. I choked and dropped my book. I reached for my neck and tried to breath in but couldn’t.

“Y/N!” I heard Mikey screech. I looked up at him panicked. His eyes went wider than they already were. “Donnie! Y/N’s hurt!” A crashing should came from the lab and rushed footsteps came my way.

“What happened?” Donnie demanded as he appeared in front of me. He looked at me intently and saw I was holding my neck. He gently removed my hand and touched the spot.

“Darling, you need to calm down. Try taking as deep as a breath as you can.” He said. He placed a comforting hand on my bicep. He took the other hand and placed a hand over my eyes. “Close your eyes and breath.” I followed his instructions and within a few minutes, I could breathe normally.

“Oww.” I flinched as he brushed over the spot again.

“What hit her?” Donnie turned to the others. Leo, Raph, and Casey all looked down in guilt.

“A hockey puck. Raph and Leo were fighting. So I decided to hit the puck at Raph’s head to break them up but instead it hit his shell and bounced off toward Y/N’s neck.” Casey confessed.

“I tried to get to her before it hit but wasn’t fast enough.” Mikey told him. Donnie sighed and shook her head. He looked at me.

“Come on. Let’s get some ice on it. Try to stop the bruising from being so bad.” I nodded as he picked me up.

“We’re so sorry, Y/N.” Leo said.

“It’s okay guys. There is always a chance of accidents. Plus, I had my head buried in a book and not paying attention.” I shrugged but flinched as the muscle in my neck were pulled. I set my head on Donnie’s shoulder as he walked back to his lab.

“My accident prone girlfriend.” Donnie teased.

“Hey!” I whined. He set me on the med table and walked over to the freezer to get some ice. “This wasn’t my fault I was just sitting there, not moving.” I crossed my arms and pouted.

“I know, I know.” He chuckled and came over with the ice and a towel. “You’re just so easy to tease and I love doing it.” He smiled, handing me the items. I pouted more.

“Shut up.” I whined, placing the ice on my neck, looking down.

“You’re cute. Now, how about you stay in here where there is no flying hockey pucks projectiles.” He handed me book and kissed my head. He went back to his work bench. I smiled and moved to his day bed, snuggling in and going back to my book.

 Mikey:

It was the middle of the day and it was boring. For everyone. Even Leo was bored out of his mind, bored enough that he couldn’t even concentrate on meditating and decides to take a nap instead. Y/N for once wasn’t entertained by watching Mikey play his video games. She noticed Casey playing hockey and decided to ask if he could show her. He agreed.

~

“Okay, now keep your eye on the puck.” He explained and moved towards her with the puck.

“Okay.” She got into a ready position and tried to steal it from him but instead missed and tripped. I caught myself before I could fall but groaned in annoyance.

“You won’t get it right on the first try sweetheart. Now come on try again.” He urged.

“I got this.” I pumped myself up and we tried again. We played for a while and I was getting the hang of it.

“Hey kid! You got a knack for this. With practice you could play professionally.” He smiled wide. I rolled my eyes before stretching my back.

“Haha, very funny. That is very unlikely.” I laughed and got back into ready position. “I can’t skate on ice to save my life.”

“There is more than just ice hockey.” He jested. I shook my head. We were about to start up again when it was Casey’s turn to trip due to a untied shoe lace. He bent down to tie and I relaxed. I spaced out while he did that. “Okay…”

“Y/N babe!” Mikey yelled at the same time. I got distracted for only a minute but that minute was enough.

“Y/N watch out! Crap!” A pain shot through my leg. I dropped to the ground grasping my leg.

“Princess!” Mikey yelled and I heard him coming over. I felt his arms go around my shoulders and under my knees. He picked me up and rushed over to the table, setting me down.

“I’ll go get some ice!” Casey nearly screamed and ran off.

“Oww…” I whimpered. Mikey moved back a little and gently grasped my leg. He lifted the pant leg and hissed.

“Ooo that’s gonna bruise pretty bad, babe.” He gave me puppy eyes. I whined and Casey came running back with a towel of ice.

“I am so sorry, Y/N. I should have paid better attention.” He crossed his arms over his chest in shame.

“Hey it’s okay.” I assured him. I winced when Mikey set the ice on the already forming bruise. “This I think shows that I should have too.” I giggled. He broke a smile. “It was both of our faults.”

“It’s my fault too.” Mikey said whining. “I yelled and distracted you.” He huffed and plopped onto the ground still holding the ice. We all stood there and argued whose fault it was when Raph and a sleepy Leo.

“Do I even want to know?” Leo asked as we all went quiet quick.

“Casey and Y/N were playing hockey while was playing video games. After a bit I got bored and called out for Y/N thus distracting her from the game and Casey didn’t notice after getting up from trying his shoe. He then shot the puck without realizing I had distracted Y/N and the puck went flying into Y/N’s leg so Casey ran off to get ice while I got Y/N off the floor and now we are arguing whose fault it is.” Mikey rambled but told what happened perfectly. We all stared at him wide eyed.

“Yep. I didn’t want to know.” Leo shook his head.

“I thinks it’s my turn for a nap.” Raph groaned causing us to laugh out loud.

“I’ll get Don.” Leo said before turning on his heel and leaving.

[midnightsnyx]

Consequences - Matthew Tkachuk: part 8

summary: you absolutely hate Matthew Tkachuk so it’s just your luck when you wind up pregnant with his child.

here is it! the last part! please let me know if its too corny lol. epilogue will be posted either this week or next.

couples notes: 1. i don’t know anything about childbirth aside from what google taught me so i apologize for any wrong info! 2. i’m sorry this story was pretty short lol ya girl is doing the best i can😅 3. i wanna throw a couple quick thanks now and then the rest when i post the epilogue. 

first of all i wanna send a thank you to @hannahmb​ who let me bounce ideas off her, gave me feedback, listened to me complain about not knowing where to go with the chapters and also, helped name baby tkachuk! so thank you hannah! you rock 🖤

i wanna thank @notanotherhockeyblog95​ for also listening to me whine about not knowing what to write 😂 also, for giving me loads of encouragement and letting me throw ideas at her! you’re the best!!🖤

anyways here’s part 8! i hope you guys like it and thanks again for reading<3

word count: 2.3k

warnings: none

Part 8

41 weeks

“Matty. Wake up.” You whisper, shaking his shoulder in attempt to wake him. He doesn’t budge so you pull the blankets off him in hopes that it might work but again, he doesn’t move. It’s quite disappointing considering you’re now five days past your due date and if you were in labor, he won’t wake. Luckily, Chantal is sleeping just down the hall. After many conversations, you and Matthew agreed that it was probably a good idea to have her stay with the two of you in case you were to go in labor while Matt was playing a game. Yes, you had friends around but it comforted you much more having Chantal here because she’s went through this before.

With one last look at Matt, you roll out of bed and waddle like a duck, because that’s what you looked like according to Matt and Brady, to the kitchen. You were trying to wake Matt up because you felt like a snack but you didn’t feel like getting out of bed.

You’re digging through the freezer for some ice-cream you’re sure Brady had bought when he last visited when you feel the first cramp. It’s a little uncomfortable but you’ve been having some braxton hicks contractions on and off over the past few weeks, some feeling real enough that you went to the hospital only to be sent home which was very embarrassing even though Chantal told you it happens all the time. It wasn’t exactly the fact that you got sent home that you felt embarrassed about, but that Matthew left practice because he thought you were in labor. You just thanked your lucky stars that it wasn’t while he was in the middle of a game because it would’ve been ten times worse.

So you brush it off, cheering silently when you find the tub of chocolate ice-cream, idly wondering if it’s weird to eat it in bed at three o’clock in the morning. You decide it’s not, walking back to the bedroom and crawling in bed. You sit up against the headboard and grab the PS4 controller so you can put Netflix on since you know you won’t be falling asleep any time soon.

Matt rolls over and throws and arm over your legs and nuzzling his face in your side halfway through an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. It’s gives your belly a weird feeling again, not pain this time but something else. Something a little unsettling because you haven’t felt this particular feeling in quite some time.

You’re pretty sure you’re in love with Matt which makes you equally frightened as it does happy. You’ve realized that your hatred for him stemmed from that one night when he did something to make you angry when your breakup with your ex was so fresh and you were emotionally vulnerable.

Just like Johnny had told Matt good things about you, he’s mentioned things about Matt to you, obviously in hopes that the two of you would hit it off. It gave you a little hope that despite what you had heard from some of the girls, he wasn’t that bad of a guy which you know is true now.

Your only problem now is that you have no idea how strong his feelings are for you. Part of you is afraid that what he does feel is only from seeing you carrying his child. You know what he told you at the baby shower, that he liked you since you met but you still can’t shake the feeling that maybe what he feels for you might just be temporary.

That one day he’s going to wake up and decide that he doesn’t want you the way he does now and it breaks your heart thinking about it.

“You’re crying.” Matt mumbles and you look down to see him now wide awake. “What’s wrong?”

You didn’t realize that you were crying and you can’t wait for the day when everything doesn’t make you cry like a baby.

“I’m fine.” You say, swiping the tears away. “It’s the show.” This is a lie because you haven’t been paying attention to the show for about five minutes.

He looks at the TV and then looks back at you with an eyebrow raised. “It’s a sex scene. Something you been wanting to tell me?”

He has a tiny smirk on his face and it’s temping, it really is, but you shake your head and try to come up with some other excuse.

“My ice-cream melted.”

“Do you want more?” He frowns, sitting up and it drives you insane sometimes, how willing he is to do anything for you at any given time.

“No, I just -” you sigh, putting the tub on the night table. “I’m tired.”

You know it’s a lie and so does he but he doesn’t push like he normally would. You let him tug you down so you’re laying on your side and he’s wrapped around you, hand resting on your belly and face tucked in your neck.

“What about Jasper?” He whispers and you smile.

“I like it.” You tell him and he nods.

“We’ll put it on the list.”

. . .

It’s later that evening and you’ve been having what you’re telling yourself are braxton hicks contractions all day. You refuse to go back to the hospital already because you know you’ll just get sent home again. Besides, Matty has a game tonight and you’re determined to go because it’s the last game of the season. The Flames won’t make the playoff’s this year and you know Matt is upset about it but he said that what’s more important is that he’ll be here for when and after the baby is born.

His words made you fall in love with him a little more.

You and Chantal arrived at the arena early enough that you can go down to see Matt while she finds your seats. You text him when you’re outside the locker doors and he looks happy when he walks out to see you. You can see the hint of disappointment that tonight is the last game until next season but he smiles at you anyway.

“How’s Jasper?” He asks, resting a hand on your stomach.

“I don’t remember agreeing to that name.” You tease and he shrugs.

“Jasper Tkachuk. Has a nice ring to it.” He says, giving you a soft smile. He looks like he wants to say something else but somebody yells his name and you know he has to go.

He smiles apologetically. “I’ll come find you after the game.”

You nod, letting him kiss you before heading back to the locker room. You find your way to Chantal in the stands, trying to ignore the way the braxton hicks contractions won’t go away. There’s a small part of you that knows you shouldn’t be brushing them off but now really isn’t the time for you to go into labor.

You can’t hide the winces from Chantal though because halfway through the first period, she frowns.

“How long have you been having them?”

You wince when another one washes through you. It’s much closer to the last one.

“Since this morning?”

“Y/N.” She scolds gently but firmly.

“It’s his last game! I don’t want to miss it.”

“Honey, you’re in labor.”

When those words leave Chantal’s mouth, it feels like somebody smacked you because it’s suddenly so real.

“C’mon. Let’s get to the hospital.” She says, helping you out of your seat.

“Matt-”

“We’ll get a message to him.” she assures you. “he won’t miss it.”

. . .

As you watch the game from your hospital bed, Chantal paces around the room on her phone trying to talk to someone who can get a message to Matt.

Your water broke shortly after you and Chantal arrived at the hospital and you know how quickly things can progress so you’re terrified that he won’t make it in time. You know that it’s something that the two of you had talked about early on, in the case that he was on a road trip and wouldn’t be here but knowing that he is here but you can’t get a hold of him, is hard.

“I know it’s an unusual situation.” Chantal snaps. “Figure it out.”

When she ends the call, she sighs and presses a hand to her forehead. You know how stressed she is about the situation but when she turns to you, there’s a gentle smile on her face.

“He’ll be here.”

You admire her attempt at trying to reassure you but you know that you need to get yourself in a good mindset to be okay if he’s not here.

“Did you call Becca?” You ask, hoping for at least some good news.

“Yes, she’s on her way.”

A little bit of good news. Finally.

You start to ask if she’s called anyone else but a nurse comes in the room to check you. When she tells you it shouldn’t be much longer, your heart sinks, realizing that Matt’s probably not going to make it here in time.

“I just got word that Matthew Tkachuk will be out for the rest of the game.” you hear Elliotte Friedman say and your head snaps up. You forgot that the TV was still on and it’s now intermission. “I didn’t see him get injured during the game, Chris. Did you?”

“No, and he didn’t take any major penalties. Maybe we missed something.”

Your heart leaps when you realize that he’s probably left the game because someone got the message through to him and you’re proven right when your phone buzzes and his name appears on the screen.

“Matty.”

“Hey, baby.” he says in a rushed voice. “I’m on my way to the hospital, okay?”

“Yeah?” You sniffle, knowing you’re going to cry.

“Yeah.” He promises. “Fifteen minutes, okay?”

He stays on the phone with you until he reaches the hospital and even until he reaches your room.

He takes Chantal’s place on the chair next to your bed as soon as he walks in.

“Ready?” He asks, taking one of your hands in his and pressing his lips to it.

“Not really.” You joke, trying to lighten the mood because you’re scared out of your mind. Your entire life is about to change but when you look at Matt sitting next to you, eyes kind and warm and with the smile on his face, you know you can do just about anything with him by your side.

. . .

“I guess we need to pick a name now, huh?” Matt whispers, cradling the baby in his arms. He was natural from the moment he held him and it was like your heart exploded. If you thought you loved Matt before, you know that you love him now.

“What about Henry?” You ask, watching him walk around, bouncing the baby gently.

His mouth turns up in a tiny smile. “I love it.” Then he looks up at you and tilts his head a little as if he’s coming to a realization.

“What?”

He shrugs, looking back down at Henry before walking over and sitting on the bed next to you. He lets you take the baby out of his arms so you can nurse him.

“I just realized something.”

“And what’s that?” You ask, raising an eyebrow when he smiles.

“I love you.” He says easily and when your eyes start watering, he just laughs gently. “I love you so much it’s crazy.”

“Really?” You ask and he nods.

“Really.” He grins and you can’t help but laugh when he pulls his phone out of his pocket and waves it in the air.

“Now, shall we make this Instagram official?” He asks and you roll your eyes fondly.

“You’re such a dork.”

“But you love me.” He says and you smile, pulling him close enough so that you can kiss him.

“I really do.”

[voiceless-terror]

(if you feel like it) what about “snowed in” or “comfort” with jontim for the tma december bingo? my jontim brainrot never stops and I’d love to see what you come up with (I’m sure it’d be amazing as always) thanks so much !

The JonTim brainrot is real and appreciated! I combined this prompt with one of @balanced-to-a-tea‘s, who asked for Secret Santa with the season one archives gang! Here there be 3.5k words of gifts, pining, and kisses of the Jon/Tim variety :)

“It’s a mess out there,” Tim reported, plopping down in his office chair and looking strangely cheerful, given the situation. “Looks like we’re stuck here for the time being.”

There were audible groans all around, though Jon’s was quieter than the others. If he were being honest, their current situation was his fault- he asked them to hang back at the end of the day and help him with some unreachable boxes (unreachable for him, that is). He was trying to get into the habit of checking the weather in the mornings, though he never managed to actually do it until he was too far from his flat to get an umbrella or a heavier coat. This resulted in a few sticky situations, including several occasions of arriving late, looking like a drowned rat. 

“And here I was going to tuck in for the night, have a glass of wine, blast the heat at unreasonable levels,” Sasha complained, doing a half-hearted twirl in her chair. “Terrible!”

“What if we lose power?” Martin fretted, still outfitted in his coat and scarf. “I heard there’s going to be high winds. High winds!” Jon’s guilt increased. Being stuck with his (likely angry) staff in the Archives was not a great start to his career as Head Archivist. And just when we were getting along again…

“I’m sorry,” he began, his hands fidgeting. “I shouldn’t have started this project so late, I didn’t realize the weather would get quite as nasty as it did…”

“Don’t worry about it, boss!” Tim grinned, leaning back in his chair and propping his feet up on his desk, an act Jon would usually scowl at him for. “Should’ve told you ‘bout the storm. You never check the weather reports.” Jon flushed; Tim knew him too well. “Besides, I can’t say I was expecting it to get this bad; London’s not known for its prodigious snowfall.”

“You don’t seem too put-out by it.” Martin eyed Tim suspiciously as he began to unwind his scarf. “You’re smiling.”

“Well, yeah!” Tim swirled around, eyeing them all with an unfettered glee. Jon wondered what he had in mind; there was never a dull moment when Tim had free time. He’d learned that the hard way. “There’s something so romantic about being snowed-in, don’t you agree, Jon?”

Jon did not agree; being trapped, even in a big building like the Institute, left him feeling anxious and restless. Sasha agreed, if her rolled eyes were anything to go by. Martin seemed to be considering it, though.

“I suppose there’s something poetic about it?” he mused, leaning back against the wall. “The snow falling, blanketing the ground in white…” All eyes turned to him and he blushed under the scrutiny.

“See! Martin’s got the spirit.” Tim clapped his hands and got to his feet. “We’ve got leftovers from lunch in the fridge. Between that and Martin’s stash of tea biscuits, we won’t go hungry. And there’s that weird frozen lasagna in the back of the freezer…”

“We don’t have an oven, Tim,” Jon pointed out. “And I’m fairly certain that’s been in there for more than a year.”

Tim continued, impervious to any criticism. “And if we have to stay the night, Jon’s got that cot he thinks we don’t know about-”

“Hey-!”

“-and we can raid all the break rooms for their gross cushions-”

“I am not sleeping here,” Sasha said, punctuating the statement with a slam of a hand on her desk. “The weather report says it's supposed to pass over soon. We’ll only be here for a few hours, tops.”

“Weather reports are wrong all the time, Sash! Think of the fun we could get up to.” Tim smiled and Jon’s heart stuttered without his permission, most likely due to the idea of what Tim considered ‘fun.’ With the way his eyes lit up, however, Jon couldn’t fight a small smile. “Ooh! We could do Secret Santa, like we used to do in Research. Remember?”

Jon did remember. He still kept some of the gifts he’d received, mostly small trinkets from Tim and Sasha that somehow managed to give him a small thrill of happiness whenever he saw them. Still, he didn’t know how they could do such a thing in the Archives, with nothing around that could constitute a gift.

“How’re we supposed to do that?” Martin asked, sharing Jon’s concern. “Statements and office supplies are the only things we have access to.”

“Oh ye of little faith,” Tim replied, nudging Martin with his foot. “We’ll get creative! I’m sure with a little thought and effort, we can all find something suitable.” He’d already begun to scribble their names on a piece of paper. “C’mon, it’ll pass the time. Please?” Jon sighed, unable to argue when Tim used his most pathetic puppy-dog eyes. 

“Fine,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes at Tim’s whoop of enthusiasm. “But don’t expect anything extravagant. I’m not feeling particularly creative.”

“I guess it could be a good distraction,” Sasha acquiesced, with Martin nodding tentatively. “How long do we get to find a gift? Or make one, I suppose.”

“An hour? Two? Then we can all meet back here and exchange!” Tim nodded, and without waiting for any agreement he crumpled the pieces of paper into a cup and stood up. “Martin, you first. No peeking!”

“I won’t,” he mumbled, reaching in with one hand with his head turned pointedly away. He pulled out a slip of paper and immediately turned red upon opening it. “Um, alright. Yeah.” Maybe he got Tim, Jon mused. 

Sasha picked next, her face giving nothing away. Tim held the cup out to Jon, waggling his eyebrows. He ignored this, reaching in to pick one of the remaining two slips of paper. Tim!! It read, with several smiley faces and hearts. He felt his own face heating up and shoved the slip into his pocket, staring at the floor.

“And last but certainly not least, me!” Tim took the last slip with a flourish, grinning at what he read. The four of them stared at each other for an awkward beat until Tim broke the silence with a shrill whistle.

“What are you waiting for? Clock’s a tickin’!”

Fuck.

________

It had been an hour and a half. As far as Jon knew, Tim and Sasha were waiting in the break room, steadily demolishing Martin’s stash of sweets, the man himself having locked himself in Document Storage and thereby eliminating one more place for Jon to scavenge for a gift (not that there was anything in there, but it was the principle of the thing). So now here he sat, moping in his office with nary an idea for what to give Tim.

Tim. He was glad they’d started talking again, albeit not with the same frequency as before. There was of course an adjustment period, that was to be expected- especially when someone younger and arguably less qualified than quite a few candidates suddenly became your boss. But Tim had always been there for him, tolerated his quirks, helped him through a breakdown or two. He stuck by his side when most people in the department couldn’t stand him. Perhaps, with some time, they could go back to being as close as they were. Or closer.

Jon tamped that thought down- it was ridiculous to even think about, now that he was his boss. Professional boundaries aside, what would Tim even see in him? It wasn’t his fault Jon read into every wink, every casual word of praise. A hug or a warm arm around his shoulder that he leaned into instead of turning away. Tim did that with everyone, Jon wasn’t special. He wasn’t Sasha, with her beautiful laugh and her razor-sharp wit. Hell, he’d probably pick Martin over him. Someone nicer, with less sharp edges. Someone who laughed as easily as he did.

Someone who wasn’t Jon.

He shook himself from these thoughts, attempting to concentrate on the task at hand. What did he have that Tim could possibly want? Not his rubber band ball, though he knew that Tim was jealous of its now astronomical proportions (he added to it when he was stressed, which he always was these days). Not the stale packet of crisps in the bottom of his drawer. He thought vaguely of getting a book he thought Tim would like from the library, but that was more of a loan. Maybe an article he found interesting? Tim always used to read the ones Jon forwarded him, and even had a thing or two to say at the end of them. But maybe he found them annoying. Maybe he just did that to shut Jon up. Wouldn’t be the first time.

Jon’s thoughts kept straying to the foyer of the institute, where festive decorations had been set up at the start of the month, most likely Rosie’s doing. There was a beautiful handmade wreath, filled with pinecones and red flowers and other seasonal flora. He remembered back in Research, when Tim would terrorize them all with stupid little pranks and games, his main target being Jon. Jon would always duck away, grumble and complain, and Tim didn’t take it personally. Maybe I’ll indulge him just this once.

Mind made up, he slipped out of his office.

________

Tim watched his three friends with undisguised amusement.

Martin was fidgeting in his seat, constantly crinkling the grocery bag he’d decorated to look more seasonal. Tim knew at once that he’d gotten Jon; he wouldn’t have turned that red for anyone else. Poor sod. Tim had Sasha, a gift he wouldn’t sweat over. She appreciated a good gag. He was fairly certain Sasha got Martin, judging by her neutral, unbothered expression.

Or maybe he just hoped she did. Because that would mean that Jon got Tim.

Not that it would mean anything. He was just interested in what Jon would pick out, that’s all. He could be surprisingly thoughtful, if past gifts were anything to go by. He still had the small box of fidget toys on his desk, where they got regular use.

He clapped his hands decisively, attempting to clear his mind of any more Jon-thoughts. “Well, then. As the emcee for this event, I’ll go first. Sasha, may I present to you the Tim Stoker Coupon Bonanza, valued at over one thousand dollars- but for you? Free!”

He revealed it with all the fanfare of a marriage proposal, bending down on one knee to hand over a binder of hastily drawn nonsense that Sasha would surely appreciate. She took it just as delicately, thumbing through the pages with a delightful smirk.

“One free coffee from the place around the corner?” She put a hand to her chest in faux- surprise. “Tim, you shouldn’t have!” Never mind that he already got her coffee every morning.

“I know, I know. I’m too generous, really.”

“One three hour lunch break. Don’t think Jon would like that.”

“He can come along. Marto too!”

“One date to the Jade Buffet, where we will split the check- Tim, the rest of these are more for you than they are-”

“Moving on!” He interrupted. “Sasha, why don’t you show us what you’ve got?” She ignored his  wink, shutting the book with an over-exaggerated sigh. She reached out for a small bag on her desk, which she handed over to Martin. He thanked her quietly, unwrapping a mug- Sasha’s favorite, with a cartoon of a dog that she’d hand-painted (Sharpie’d, would be more accurate) to look like one of those highland cows Martin was always going on about. The entire effect was monstrous, but Martin seemed touched. Tim was happy too, as this meant Jon must have drawn his name.

“Oh that’s- that’s so nice, thank you Sasha!” His smile was infectious, even Jon wasn’t immune to it (though he tried to hide it). 

“It’ll probably come off if you wash it, so I wouldn’t actually use it,” Sasha advised. “But it could make a nice pencil holder.”

“Oh! That’s handy-”

“Ahem!” Tim once again interrupted; he was eager to see what Martin had whipped up for Jon, considering he’d holed himself up for about two hours. “Martin, I believe it’s your turn?”

“Um, y-yeah.” He put the cup down with some reluctance, picking up the bag he’d decorated with snowflakes and trees and handing it over to Jon, who looked surprised that anyone had gotten him anything. It was an expression Tim was used to; Jon never expected kindness, even in circumstances when he would very clearly receive it. Silly man. 

As soon as Jon began to reach into the bag, Martin stumbled through an explanation. “You don’t need to keep it, n-not if you don’t want, but y-you’re always saying you’re cold and y’know, I have extras, so-”

Martin had given Jon one of his many scarves, this one a worn, dark green that was sure to look lovely with his skin tone. He spent two hours deciding on that? It was a nice gift, for sure. Jon held it in his hands like it was completely foreign to him, though Tim could see him running his fingers over the knit appreciatively, looking at it with wide eyes.

“B-But this is your scarf, Martin,” he said, once he found the words. “I can’t-”

“Well now it’s yours,” Martin replied, his voice steadying with resolve. “Anyway, I um- it’s got your name on it. Or your initials, at least.” He gave a nervous laugh, his face turning even redder if possible.

And sure enough, at the end of the scarf was a small, messy embroidered J.S., along with a crude attempt at a small cat face. The effort was adorable, and it sent a pang through Tim’s chest for several reasons he didn’t want to name.

“T-That’s- well, thank you, Martin.” Jon ran his fingers over the small ‘J’ as if it would disappear if he looked away. “That’s very thoughtful of you.” Jon placed it almost reverently back in the bag, giving Martin a rare, genuine smile, one that Tim wished he had put on his face. Stop that.

“Jon’s turn!” he said, mustering up his last bit of enthusiasm. “I for one have no idea who Jon got, so this is going to be a real surprise-”

“S-Shut up, Tim.” Jon muttered, reaching for something behind him. He hesitated, his hands trembling slightly as he pulled out a small sprig of what looked to be pine needles, because it couldn’t be what Tim thought it was, no sir, that wouldn’t make sense-

He watched as Jonathan Sims moved closer and with shaking hands and a beet-red face, moved up on his tippy-toes to hold a tiny sprig of mistletoe above their heads. And then, in what surely must have been a hallucination or a dream sequence, two lips met his in a tiny peck of a kiss that was over before Tim could truly register it. 

He stared unblinking as Jon sank back on his heels, his eyes still tightly shut from the kiss. Tim brought a hand up to his mouth, the warm tingle of slightly chapped lips on his still fresh in his mind. Jon began to stutter in the absolute silence of the room, stumbling backwards without looking up from his feet.

“I’m, um- I-I have to. S-Sorry! I’m going to... goodbye now.”

And with that Jonathan Sims fled the room, leaving three stupefied assistants in his wake. 

_________

“Knock Knock!”

Tim tried to keep his voice as light as possible. He didn’t think Jon could stand anything more than that right now.

He’d given him a half hour of solitude, enough for him to overcome whatever embarrassment he felt over the encounter. Martin was stewing in a corner, looking shell-shocked and mopey over the turn of events. Tim was just as shocked as he was. Little Jonathan Sims, grumpy researcher and now even grumpier Head Archivist, giving Tim a kiss? Under the mistletoe?

“Go get him,” Sasha smirked, kicking his chair. “Bring him some food. And maybe return the favor.”

So he took a plate of reheated Pad Thai and a bottle of rum he kept under his desk for special occasions, hoping to win Jon over. Let him know the kiss was much appreciated, and that perhaps he’d like another if Jon was so inclined.

The man jumped up from his desk, where he’d had his head pillowed in his arms and his chunkiest cardigan wrapped around him for warmth. It was getting colder, and Tim hadn’t checked outside recently, too distracted by current events. His face was still flushed red, and he wouldn’t meet Tim’s eyes. I’ll have to change that.

“Thought I’d come bearing gifts.” He waved the bottle of rum around for Jon to see as he walked into the room. “Of the food and drink variety. But I wouldn’t mind a repeat of what happened in the break room.” He threw in a wink for good measure- God, why couldn’t he ever be serious? He always fell back on jokes and teasing words.

“I’m-I’m sorry, Tim,” Jon groaned, reaching out for the rum and pouring a liberal amount into a mug that previously housed tea. He still avoided Tim’s eyes. “That was completely inappropriate, I-I just couldn’t think of-”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he placed the food down on Jon’s desk, ignoring the pain in his heart at the apology. So he didn’t mean it. He plopped down on Jon’s couch, trying to feign a lightness he didn’t feel as he drank straight from the bottle. “No harm, no foul. It was nice.” He shrugged. Jon moved from his desk to join him on the couch, looking so adorable and cozy that Tim had to restrain from taking him in his arms. He watched as Jon took two large mouthfuls of the rum, knocking it back like a champ. Jesus. And then he raised his eyes to his, meeting them with a wide-eyed hopefulness that made Tim’s heart stutter in his chest.

“So- so you didn’t mind?”

“Nope.” Tim took another sip of the rum, wondering where this was going. He wouldn’t…

“Then you-,” Jon gulped, seemingly gathering his courage. “You wouldn’t mind if we- that is, if I maybe did it again?”

Tim stared.

“I-I still have the mistletoe.”

Jon sat there, so earnest and vulnerable, his hands fidgeting with the drink in his lap. Tim remembered the first time he laid eyes on him, the taciturn young researcher with a sharp mind and an even sharper tongue. He imagined asking him on a date, getting to know the man under that prickly exterior. Making him laugh, getting that rare smile that Martin got today. But he didn’t seem interested and Tim never wanted to push it, too respectful of his boundaries.

But maybe he hadn’t imagined the way Jon leaned into his touch. How he laughed at Tim’s shitty jokes a bit longer than necessary. That the looks he got in the library weren’t ones of annoyance, but fondness. So he set the bottle down, took the drink out of Jon’s hands and replaced it with the warm grip of his own. His voice came out low, quiet and serious and utterly unlike him.

“I wouldn’t mind at all.” And he leaned in and kissed Jonathan Sims, just like he wanted to do all those years ago.

It was a sweet, lingering thing- the taste of rum on his lips, lips that parted so easily for Tim like he’d been waiting, wanting this for so long, maybe even as long as Tim had. And when they finally parted, Jon stared at him with those deep brown eyes and gave him the smile he’d been wishing for and it was just for him. He put that there.

“Was-was that okay?” he murmured, feeling nervous and open under Jon’s intense gaze. 

“Yes,” was the whispered response. He let out a small, charming laugh that Tim would always remember when he thought back to this night, the first night of many stolen kisses and secret smiles. “I-I liked that.”

“Well, good!” Tim could no longer contain the urge to have Jon in his arms and pulled him to his chest, appreciating the small squeak it earned him. “Because there’s more where that came from.” Jon leaned into his touch, as if trying to leech every bit of warmth from Tim that he could. It felt so utterly right to be here, on this uncomfortable couch with an armful of the man he’d been pining over for the last three years. Score, a giddy part of his mind yelled. They laid there in silence for a few minutes, reveling in the feeling of affection finally realized when Jon’s head perked up from his chest, a concerned look in his eyes.

“Do you think Rosie’s going to notice I nicked her mistletoe?”

Tim snickered. “Oh, absolutely. But I’ll take the fall. She’s not getting that back.”

Jon was always thoughtful with his gifts. And this was one he intended to keep.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28201134

[hockeylvr59]

Secret Love Part 25 (Finale) || Cale Makar

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: This series has been the most fun thing to write ever and I’m so grateful to everyone that has joined me on this journey. I really really really hope you like how I decided to wrap this chapter of their lives and I hope you’ll join me in the sequel to explore more adventures. I love you all and can’t wait to hear the screams that I’m certain are soon to follow this post. 

Warnings: cursing

Word Count: 2,199 [Series total: ~74.8k]

~~~~~~~~

A Look-back at how we started:

“Sara’s pregnant.”

No sentence had ever made you feel anger, fear, disbelief, sadness and a whole bevy of other emotions quite as quickly as that one did. You wanted to scream and you wanted to cry. Instead, you put a mask over your expressions and just took the glass of wine Laura was offering as she filled hers to the brim.

“What?” You whispered, your voice cracking slightly.

“Cale called me today…he was so obviously nervous and before I could even ask what was wrong he was rambling on about how she was pregnant and he didn’t know what to do…” You could see the disappointment on Laura’s face and you attempted to send her a reassuring smile, though you were sure she noticed how forced it seemed. Swirling your wine in your glass, you thought about all of the reasons this news bothered you, making you almost sick to your stomach.

Now onto the finale: 

“Y/N’s pregnant.” 

Leaning against the doorway to your shared bedroom, you felt a smile spread across your face as your boyfriend spilled the news out of frustration, a response to his mother’s unnecessary concern. 

“What?” Laura whispered, her voice cracking. The expression on her face was one of shock and awe as she just stared at Cale. Shivering as a chill ran up your spine, you turned to adjust the thermostat, cranking up the heat to ward off the mid-November chill. 

++

Cale’s parents had arrived in Denver yesterday afternoon and though you’d had dinner with them, neither you nor Cale were sure whether or how to share everything that had changed since you’d seen them last. You’d mentioned that the two of you were thinking about buying a house here which had been met with some confusion but otherwise you kept things fairly light conversation wise. A part of you had expected Laura to question you not drinking, but when she hadn’t said anything you assumed she hadn’t picked up on it at all. 

When you’d crawled into bed last night, you and Cale had still been undecided on whether to share the news yet but when you woke up this morning, it seemed like hiding probably wasn’t going to be an option. Of course, though you rarely experienced morning sickness, today of all days it had to hit you like a truck. Cale had been the doting father-to-be that he always was, holding your hair back and massaging your lower back gently. When the nausea didn’t begin to ebb like it normally did, he’d called your coworker to move all of your appointments for the day before settling you back into bed with some tea, crackers, and a wastebasket. Only with your insistence that you would be fine did he head off to practice, leaving you to doze off again. 

You’d woken up a couple hours later to Cale perched on the side of the bed, his fingers dragging lightly over your stomach. 

“You feeling any better?” He’d questioned, concern flickering across his face. “Think maybe you could use something to eat?” 

Stretching, you sat up just a little, testing out how your stomach would react to the movement. It didn’t twist or turn like it had earlier and you let out a breath of relief, reaching out to pull Cale into a quick kiss. 

“Heat me up some of the leftover soup from the freezer?” You requested. You knew Laura and Gary were coming over to spend the afternoon with the two of you, but you were fairly certain that your stomach would be unable to handle whatever lunch they brought. 

“Course sweetheart.” Cale agreed, leaving you to slowly make your way up and out of bed. 

The minute she’d walked through the door, you heard Laura question Cale about why he was cooking when he knew that they were bringing lunch. 

“Because Y/N wants soup.” Cale replied, pulling the defrosted soup from the microwave so that he could dump it into a pot to finish warming. 

Laura had expressed her confusion stating that you and Cale had both known that they were bringing one of your favorites. 

“Mom...she wasn’t feeling well this morning okay.” He sighed. “Soup is easy on the stomach, that is not.” 

“Is she sick? Cale why didn’t you tell us? If she’s not feeling well we can go find something else to do.” Laura had pressed. 

“She’s fine now.” Cale replied, his voice gaining a little bit of an edge that signaled his annoyance. 

“Seriously Cale, if Y/N isn’t feeling well she should be resting, not having to worry about entertaining us.” Laura continued. 

“Mom. Relax.” Cale declared. Immediately Laura started speaking again and the next words out of his mouth were the ones you’d been hiding. 

++

With the silence starting to become uncomfortable in the kitchen, you made your way out from your spot in the doorway, nestling up to Cale’s side as he stared at his mom. Your sudden presence seemed to startle Laura and Gary and they ran their eyes back and forth between you and their son. 

“You’re pregnant?” Laura questioned, tears welling in her eyes. Nodding, you took a step back to pull the ultrasound photos out from the magnet on the side of the fridge. Setting them down in front of her, you pecked Cale’s cheek, before turning to adjust the temperature on your soup so that it didn’t burn. 

“How do you feel about being a grandma?” You questioned after a moment, laughing as she launched herself around the kitchen island, pulling you into a hug. 

“You’re pregnant. You’re really pregnant.” She choked out in disbelief. 

“Yeah mom. I’m pregnant.” You stated. 

“Oh my lord.” Laura breathed and when she pulled away you could see the tears streaming down her cheeks. “This wasn’t planned was it?” She questioned, her slight confusion returning. 

“No, it wasn’t planned.” Cale voiced from behind you. 

“But you’re happy?” She confirmed, looking past you to her son. 

“We’re so happy.” Cale assured her. “Best surprise ever.” 

The way he looked at you sent you back to the night he was referring to a month ago. 

++

Cale had been away on one of the first roadtrips of the season when you’d found out the news. 

With moving and then trying to get settled in in your new home, you’d forgotten you were due for your birth control shot. Finding a local clinic, you made an appointment to go down and get it taken care of. You’d submitted to the requested urine test not thinking anything of it. It wasn’t until a nurse came into your room informing you that they couldn’t give you the shot that anything at all seemed out of place. 

“Wait...what do you mean? Why can’t you give me the shot?” You remembered asking. 

When she’d explained that she couldn’t give you the shot because you were pregnant, your jaw had dropped, your hand drifting down to your stomach. And though you didn’t think they had lied, you took the paperwork the nurse offered you before rushing to the nearest pharmacy where you’d purchased three different pregnancy tests. 

An hour later you were sitting on the bathroom floor staring at various phrases or symbols all signalling that you were definitely expecting - ‘3+ weeks’ one test in particular read. 

You knew you couldn’t be much further along than that, you’d gotten your period shortly after arriving in Denver. You were certain of that because you’d forgotten to pack anything and Cale had had to run to the store on his way home from camp. 

Though your initial reaction beyond disbelief was joy, you were worried about how Cale would take the news. You’d only been together for 5 months and while he’d expressed that he’d be open to having kids if the situation was right...you just didn’t know. 

It had taken you almost 24 hours to come to the conclusion that you just had to trust that Cale would be as happy as you were. This baby was part of both of you and it wasn’t like things between you were anything but good. Knowing that Cale would be home the following night, you set to work on figuring out how to tell him. Heading out to the store you found a retro looking Avalanche sleeper. You’d stopped into a second hand book store while you were out, looking more for something for you to read than anything else but you’d stumbled upon the children’s book ‘goodnight hockey’ and it seemed like the perfect addition to the little package you were putting together. 

Wrapping up the sleeper and book with one of the pregnancy tests, you sat down trying to think about what you wanted to say to Cale with the card. It had come to you as you were going to bed and after writing it down, you tucked the card back into the envelope writing Cale’s name on the front. 

The next day was the longest wait of your life but you were determined to tell Cale when he got home, the secret you’d been hiding for two days already eating at you. It was late...really late and you’d moved from the couch to the kitchen to make yourself a cup of hot chocolate when you heard Cale’s key in the door. 

As he stumbled into the kitchen he seemed surprised that you were still awake, but he’d leaned in to kiss you quickly. Only then did he notice the package on the counter, his eyebrows furrowed at the sight of it. 

“What’s that?” He questioned, shrugging off his suit jacket and draping it over the back of the barstool. 

“A present. For you.” You murmured softly, sending him a sneaky smile as you poured boiling water into your mug on the counter. 

“My birthday isn’t for two weeks sweetheart...can’t it wait?” He asked, leaning against the counter. 

“No, it can’t.” You insisted. “Open it now.” Cale eyed you for a minute before immediately reaching for the wrapping paper, causing you to glare at him in disbelief. 

“Who taught you how to open presents?” You exclaimed. “Open the card first…” Cale rolled his eyes playfully before grabbing the card off the front of the box, slipping the little note card out of the envelope. 

Daddy hopes I get mommy’s giggles, 

Mommy hopes I get daddy’s rosy cheeks, 

No matter what I’m going to be perfect, 

You’ll see for yourself in about 36 weeks. 

You watched as his eyes glazed over, his brain struggling to process given the late hour. Setting the card aside, he tore into the paper on the box frantically, pulling the lid off to reveal all of the goodies tucked inside. You watched, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth, as Cale bypassed the pregnancy test instead pulling the sleeper from the box. Just as quickly though, he reached back inside, his jaw dropping as the stick with the word ‘pregnant’ stared back at him. 

“We’re having a baby?” The words spilled from his lips as tears rolled down his cheeks. “You’re serious?”

“I’m pregnant Cale.” You confirmed. “You’re gonna be a dad.” Closing the few steps between you, Cale wrapped his arms around you, spinning you once before burying his head into your neck. 

“I can’t…” He mumbled into your skin. “You’re sure?” 

“I’m sure.” You insisted. “3 home pregnancy tests and a clinic test all confirm.” Although Cale seemed happy, his lack of an official reaction was starting to worry you slightly. When he kissed you though, you took that as a good sign, carding your fingers through his hair. 

“Please tell me you’re okay with this…” You whispered, shifting your fingers to wipe the tears from his cheeks. “...because I know this wasn’t planned and it happened sooner than I think we were expecting…” 

“We’re having a baby.” Cale repeated, his tone awestruck. “Fuck sweetheart...of course I’m okay with this.” He breathed, shaking his head as if to pull him out of the daze he was in. “You’re having my baby.” He stated, his grin growing. “I’m shocked but...good shocked.” Kissing you again gently, Cale pulled back and immediately dropped to his knees, his hands sliding across your lower stomach. 

This was the kind of reaction you’d hoped for, better than you’d hoped for even, and you felt your own tears fall as Cale nuzzled against your stomach, kissing gently over the skin there through your shirt. 

“Baby says happy early birthday daddy.” You whispered, staring down at him. 

++ 

You’d spent the rest of that night talking about your surprise blessing, Cale’s palm never leaving your stomach. It had been perfect, just perfect. 

“Oh this is so wonderful.” Laura exclaimed. “How far along are you?” She pressed, her eyes drifting down to your where your baby bump would soon be growing. 

“8 weeks.” You replied. “So still very early but the doctor says everything looks good. We’re due mid-june.” You explained, laughing as Laura expressed her happiness by bouncing up and down. 

She hugged you again before moving to wrap Cale in her arms, the two of them whispering to each other, smiles on their faces. With his wife having expressed her excitement, Gary slid around the counter and pulled you into a hug as well. 

“Congratulations. Can’t wait to meet my grandbaby.” He expressed, squeezing you a second time before moving to pat Cale on the back. You knew Cale needed this moment with his parents, so you turned your attention to the pot of soup bubbling away on the stovetop. 

This year has been full of so many secrets: the disaster around Cale’s pregnancy scare with Sara, your exchanged feelings in March, dating for two months without anyone knowing, moving to Denver, and now the fact that your little family is growing. 

And though the baby was going to remain a secret to some people for a little while longer, one thing was absolutely not a secret: you were in love with your best friend and he was in love with you. Your journey together was only just beginning. 

Cale’s early birthday present: 

[scatterpatter]

Some Covid-19 Vaccine Info: what to expect

So some disclaimers:

I’m only going to talk about vaccination in America- sorry to the rest of the world but I don’t know enough about the vaccination process in other countries to talk about them

I’m not a doctor or nurse or otherwise medical professional, I am however someone who’s related to multiple doctors/nurses, used to work in a nursing home and got vaccinated while working there, am currently working for a company that facilitates clinical trials, and just did my basic online research. If I get something wrong, please correct me!

CW for obvious medical talk, nothing graphic or gore-y though, mentions of needles and whatnot but again nothing bad

Under the cut!

When am I going to get my vaccine?

This will vary state-by-state, check your state’s rules, you’ll likely find what you need by a quick google search(ex. “Vaccination eligibility in [state/county/town]” or something like that)

The most vulnerable are put at highest priority: for example- those 75+, those who work at or live in nursing homes, those who work in hospitals, those who are immunocompromised, etc. After that will be those as somewhat high risk, this will vary state by state but could include: grocery store workers, teachers, and other employees who come in contact with many people for their job, those 50+, etc. After those are vaccinated, it will slowly open to the general public: most likely depending on both your age and where you work/go to school. The less at risk you are for getting/transmitting covid, the longer it will be.

As of this post(March 16, 2021), children are not permitted by the FDA to get the vaccine. Pfizer’s vaccine is approved for ages 16+, while Moderna’s and J&J’s vaccines are permitted for ages 18+. These companies are either planning to or are currently conducting vaccine trials in children, but it’s unknown when the vaccine(or a variant of the vaccine) will be available for children

The Three Vaccines

Pfizer was the first vaccine to be approved and distributed, and some basic info about it:

It comes in a series of two doses, 21 days apart

It’s dosage is 30micrograms of vaccine, and has a 95% efficacy rate(efficacy meaning in a group of people, there’s a 95% reduction of covid-19, more thorough definition here)

Used to need to be stored in -94 degrees Fahrenheit, which required special freezers, but recently, the FDA announced that the vaccine can be shipped and stored (for a two-week period only) at temperatures of normal pharmacy freezers, between -13 and 5 degrees Fahrenheit

After thawing, a vial of the Pfizer vaccine must be used within five days

Because of the above point, you’re more likely to find Pfizer doses in urban and less likely in rural areas due to the storage issues

Moderna was the second vaccine to be approved and distributed, and some basic info about it:

It comes in a series of 2 doses, 28 days apart

It’s dosage is 100 micrograms of vaccine, though hasn’t shown evidence of being any more effective than Pfizer’s vaccine

It has a 94.1% efficacy rate

Moderna’s is stable at fridge temperature for 30 days and at room temperature for 12 hours

Johnson and Johnson(J&J) was the third vaccine to be approved and distributed, and some basic info about it:

It is a one-dose only vaccine

They’re also testing a 2-dose vaccine, though the results from their trials will not be available until most likely May 2021

It has a 66% effective rate against moderate-to-severe symptoms of covid, but is 85% effective against severe disease

Because of this, J&J is working on a booster shot to increase the effectiveness of this vaccine, though its unknown when this booster will be ready(I believe this booster combined with the original is the 2-dose vaccine mentioned above, but don’t hold me to that)

J&J’s vaccine can be stored at room temperature (not to exceed 77 degrees Fahrenheit) for 12 hours when the vial hasn’t yet been punctured. After the first dose is withdrawn, the vial can be stored in a fridge for six hours or at room temperature for two hours.

The above means that this vaccine is encouraged for use in rural communities, where it’s difficult to store vaccines at extremely low temperatures and the travel times between small towns

While Moderna’s and Pfizer’s vaccines came out before many of the variants seen throughout the world, J&J was specifically testing with the variants

How do the vaccines work?

Both Pfizer and Moderna’s vaccines work on what’s known as a messenger RNA vaccine, or mRNA for short. To put it in simple terms, the way it works is as such: a harmless “spike protein” is injected into our bodies, this protein can also be found on covid-19 cells. When our immune system sees this protein, it recognizes it as something foreign that should not be there and starts making antibodies in order to fight off these proteins. Now that there is an immunity built up, whenever a covid-19 cell is now introduced to the body, the body already knows how to fight off the virus. (more detailed explanation here) 

J&J’s vaccine works a bit differently, using what’s known as a Viral Vector Vaccine. How this works is as such: a modified version of a different (and harmless) virus, known as the vector, is introduced into the body. Much like the mRNA vaccine explained above, this cell has the same proteins on the exterior that covid cells have. Your body will build up antibodies to fight off this vector, so that once covid is introduced to your system, your immune system already has the built up defenses to fight it off (more detailed explanation here)

To put it as simply as possible: all 3 vaccines introduce a harmless substance in your body. Your body’s immune system then builds up a defense against this substance, and now that you have a defense built up, your body is now prepared to fight off covid-19 cells.

Do I have a choice on which vaccine I’ll get? Which one should I get if so?

Depending on your area and where you go to get the vaccine, you may not have a choice in which one you get. It’s more likely that you’ll get a Pfizer or Moderna vaccine if you’re in a more urban area, and it’s more likely that you’ll get a Moderna or J&J shot if you’re in a more rural area, but who knows. 

If you do get a choice, however, there’s really no vaccine that’s considered the “best”. Pfizer’s and Moderna’s are so similar that the differences between them are basically pointless. If you have a choice between one of them and the J&J vaccine(or a choice between all 3), then that may make a difference due to J&J’s functioning so differently. Honestly, this will come down to what you think is best for you. Weigh the pros and cons of each, and make a decision on what you feel is the best option for you. It may come down to what supplies a clinic has for a day, I’m not sure, I didn’t get a choice in which vaccine I could get.

I cannot stress enough that none of these are the “wrong” decision if you get the choice. A vaccine is a vaccine at the end of the day.

What is herd immunity?

“Herd Immunity” is the concept that, when a large enough number of a population is immune to a disease, it prevents the disease from being able to spread. If one person gets covid, but everyone around them is immune, the virus will be unable to spread to anyone else. This concept is important because it protects at-risk people who can’t get the vaccine(children, pregnant people, etc). It’s important with dealing with vaccination numbers to remember the following: We don’t need to vaccinate everyone, we just need to vaccinate enough people. (source)

What about those adverse reactions?

There have been a small number of people who, after getting one of the mRNA vaccines(Pfizer and Moderna), have experienced anaphylaxis(a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction). There are 3 important things to keep in mind with this:

Anaphylaxis after COVID-19 vaccination is rare and occurred in approximately 2 to 5 people per million vaccinated in the United States based on events reported to VAERS. This is an extremely low percent.

There are medical professionals on site who are ready to treat someone who goes into anaphylaxis.

There’s no data on the exact numbers, but some of the reports of adverse reactions came from people who had a history of allergic reactions to other vaccines

If you have no history of allergic reactions to vaccines, you should be fine. If you DO have a history of such, consult with your doctor over risks and benefits, and bring an epipen or some other form of treatment in case of an emergency.

What can I expect when I go to get my vaccine?

The registration and check-in process will vary depending on the place you go, so I won’t try to guess what that will be like. As for the administration of the vaccine, it’s very quick and easy. They’ll ask for your arm, and it’s not required but recommended to give your non-dominant arm(since it’ll most likely be sore for a few days). The needle is very small, and only in your arm for about 5 seconds. I get very squeamish around needles, so if I could handle it just fine, so can you. A small bandaid because you might bleed a tiny bit, and you’re good. It’s like most muscle-injected vaccines, very simple and clean.

The CDC recommends that, because of the adverse reactions mentioned above, that you stay at the vaccine site for 15-30 minutes so the medical staff can monitor you. Cases of anaphylaxis occur within 30 minutes, so if you’re one of the extremely rare group who has a reaction, staff will be there to treat you effectively and immediately.

Setting up a second appointment, getting the record of vaccination, etc will vary depending on where you get your vaccine. 

What side effects can I expect afterwards?

Side effects may vary from person, and there are some differences experienced by the different vaccines, but overall you can expect to have flu-like symptoms for a few days. If you’re getting a second dose, your side effects are likely to be worse after your second dose.

It’s a good sign if you’re having side effects! This means that your body is responding to the harmless mRNA or Vector explained above. By fighting these off, you’ll have flu-like symptoms, but in turn your body is building up the right defenses to be able to fight off covid. So don’t panic, side effects right after a vaccine means its working!

Common side effects either reported online or I’ve seen from talking to others who were vaccinated:

Fatigue

Headaches

Muscle soreness on the arm that was injected

Fever

Chills

Nausea

Soreness at the injection site

For the most part: taking it easy, drinking fluids, taking painkillers for any pains, etc should be enough to get you through it.

You may want to see a doctor if:

Your symptoms are getting worse, worringly-so(basically if your symptoms would make you see a doctor if you had the flu)

The redness or tenderness around the injection site gets worse after 24 hours

My personal experience after getting the Pfizer vaccine:

The first dose hit me harder than I expected. I had a light fever(didn’t get an exact temp but I was definitely feeling warm, I was most likely hovering below 100)

My god, was my arm SORE. I even drew a thing here. Definitely hurt to lift for a few days, but painkillers helped

Was more tired than usual for a few days, had trouble staying awake while working from home at my new job

Since the first dose hit me harder than I expected, I thought the second dose would’ve been awful, but it wasn’t as bad as I expected. Worse than the first, but not as bad as I was bracing for

The morning after, I woke up feeling mostly fine, but an hour later my temperature spiked to 100.4 and I felt like I was hit by a truck. I took some acetaminophen(pain killer/fever reducer) and within another hour or two jumped back down to 99.5. Kept that fever for a few days, but it never spiked that high again, so I was fine.

I had “brain fog”, which is pretty common with fevers, which is when you feel somewhat loopy, and have trouble concentrating/speaking/thinking as clearly as usual, since your body is so focused on building its immunity.

How long should I wait before my vaccine is fully effective?

Right now there isn’t enough data to give an accurate timeline on when a vaccine is effective, but it’s recommended to wait 2 weeks until after you get your second dose(or first dose if you got J&J) to consider yourself immune.

It’s important to note that the vaccines are proven effective against symptoms of covid-19, but as of right now, it’s possible that a vaccinated person can still have covid with no symptoms but still transmit the virus to others. One study conducted by the Israeli Health Ministry and Pfizer Inc. found that the vaccine reduced infection, including asymptomatic cases, by 89.4% and in symptomatic cases, by 93.7%(source). So while the evidence suggests this, it’s still important for those who were vaccinated to continue taking preventative measures such as masking up and social distancing.

Some More Sources

I’ve used this data throughout this post, so read up on these, and do your own research! The more informed we are, the better!

CDC Information on vaccination

FDA information on vaccination

Statnews comparison between the 3 vaccines(content warning: picture of a medical needle on the top of the article)

CDC: What to expect after getting a vaccine

TL;DR:

I recommend reading this whole post, but here are some key points in case you can’t:

Pfizer’s and Moderna’s vaccines use the same method and there are very few differences between them

Each vaccine has pros and a couple cons, and you MAY have a choice in which you can get, but each is proven safe and effective against covid-19 in adults 

Expect flu-like symptoms a few days after getting vaccinated: it’s not only normal and expected, but it’s a sign your vaccine is working

[fun-and-fandoms]

Who Ate My Ice Cream

Summary: You're on your period and someone ate your ice cream.

Pairing: Dean x Reader, Sam

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, talk of periods

Masterlist

Let me know what you think!

Curled up in bed with a heating pad on your stomach, you were questioning why you were alive right now. It felt like several razor-sharp knives were stabbing you in the stomach. Normally when you were on your period your cramps were manageable, take some pain reliever, wait for a little bit and you would be able to function like a normal person. But for some reason, the meds weren’t working. Though there always seemed to be one thing that made it better, chocolate ice cream.

 Pulling the covers off, you climb out of bed. After throwing on your favorite flannel you start making your way to the kitchen. Walking thought the library you don’t even acknowledge Sam and Dean sitting around a table, you just want to get your ice cream and head back to your room. Once in the kitchen, you head straight for the freezer. Opening the freezer door, a blast of cold air hits your face. You pull the bag of peas that you hid your ice cream behind out of the way, but there was no ice cream. You start to pull things out of the freezer searching for your favorite frozen treat. You swore you still had some left unless someone else ate it.

    Storming into the library you exclaim “Who ate my ice cream! I know one of you did it, fess up. I was saving it for later, but one of you two ate before I could.”

    Sam and Dean look up at you, both shocked at how mad you are. “ I didn’t eat it Y/n. I’ve been on a healthy food diet and ice cream isn’t a part of the diet.” Sam speaks up.

    “Thanks a lot, Sam,” Dean mutters under his breath. “ I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t know it was yours. I thought it was for anyone to eat. Y/n what’s wrong, why are you crying?” 

Reaching up you wipe your cheeks, you were crying. Why were you crying, there was no logical reason for you to be crying. Dam hormones, they always seemed to make you throw logic out of the window, the window on the fiftieth floor of a building. “ I don’t know Dean. Maybe because Mother Nature wants to punish me due to the fact I’m not pregnant. Possibly it’s because it feels like there are multiple knives stabbing me in the abdomen and the pain meds are doing nothing. I could be because chocolate ice cream seems to be one of the only things that helps me feel better and you ate it all.”

Not wanting to be in the same room as anyone else anymore, you turn around and run to your room. You crawl back into bed, throw the heating pad over your stomach. All a sudden you were feeling exhausted, curling up into a ball you quickly fall asleep. 

Someone knocking on your door wakes you up “Y/n can I come in please?” Dean asks.

“Ya, that’s fine,” You respond, sitting up and stretching. Dean walks into your room carrying a couple of bags.

“Hey, I’m sorry about eating your ice cream. I thought I could make it up to you,” Dean says holding up the bags he was holding. “ I got you a heating pad, some more of your girl stuff, extra-strength pain reliever, a couple of movies I thought we could watch together, and most importantly,” he says pulling out a tub of ice cream and a spoon “chocolate ice cream.”

“Dean you didn’t have too but thank you, you don’t how much this means to me,” you reply pulling back your covers. “Climb in and let’s get this movie night started.”

[itsyourgirljewls]

Not the Right One

Chapter 2

The intro to Trade Mistakes by Panic! At the Disco goes off on my alarm at 6:45 in the morning. I groan in annoyance and turn it off. I rub my eyes and sit upright slowly, hunching forward. My room is dark due to the blinds being closed and the lights are off as well. I take a deep breath in and stretch my arms in the air, attempting to crack my back even though it’s impossible for me to do so.

Throwing the covers off of me, I jump out of bed and walk over to my closet across the bed. I grab a black and blue flannel hoodie, dark black ripped jeans and my black Vans from Zumies. High school kids are allowed free dress while middle school on down are forced to wear uniforms. Uniforms are so dumb. If teachers have a problem with getting distracted by what minor girls wear, they have a problem. It’s not the girls’ fault. Trust me when I say that only us girls get dress coded while the boys who wear basketball shorts and tank tops year round don’t. It’s stupid.

I quickly get dressed and brush out my brown hair and decide to pull it up in a messy ponytail. I am not feeling school today. I just want to sit at home, listen to music and write my novel. Is that so hard to ask? I grab my backpack and run down the stairs. Mom typically takes me to school almost an hour early because of her job so I have to hurry and get breakfast before we leave because mom does not like it when we eat in the car.

Mom of course, is already downstairs in the kitchen. She’s hurriedly making coffee and pouring it into a to go mug as I enter the kitchen. I hurry over to the freezer and grab myself two eggo waffles and plop them into the toaster.

“Are you really wearing that to school Jay?” mom asks scowling at me. Her hair is up in a brown ponytail and she is wearing green Prana yoga pants and a black Columbia heavenly jacket. Shouldn’t be proud that I am actually trying with my look?

I shrug and say, “I can wear what I want right? Free dress,” I say.

Dad comes down the stairs and enters the kitchen. He kisses me on top of the head and says, “Hope you have a good day at school.”

“Thanks… good luck at work,” I say.

He grabs an Atkins bar and leaves the house in a hurry. Mom sighs and says, “Go change.”

I shake my head. “Is it hurting you that I dress like this?” I ask, folding my arms over my chest.

The girls all come down the stairs and mom says, “You guys ready?”

Allison, Emery and Martha are all in uniforms. Martha is in a beige colored khaki type skit and a button up purple collard shirt while the others are in khaki pants. Super boring uniforms. Not even the cool ones like in the movies that make you want to wear a uniform.

Mom sighs and says, “Tomorrow you can’t wear that to school. You’ll get in trouble.”

I roll my eyes but decide not to argue. It’s no use arguing with my mom. She’s stubborn and set on her ways. She cares about health, fitness and fashion (despite her only wearing Prana yoga pants to work). I have dabbled in men’s clothing before. That is if you count eyeing a shirt or pants in the men’s department and asking your mom if she likes it or not.

As the five of us head out, I shout, “Have a good day dad!” I am not so sure where he is in the house, but he’s somewhere and most likely not going to work.

I suck in my breath and close the door on my way out. When we get to the car, the fight for the front seat begins.

“I call dibs!” Martha quickly says.

This is when blood begins to spill. “Oh come on Martha! You always get front seat!” Allison wines.

“Well no matter who’s sitting up front, I’m controlling the music,” I say getting in the driver’s seat and quickly plugging in my phone into the AUX cord.

“Hell no! You always play the same stuff!” Martha says.

“You guys never let me choose in mom’s car. Since it’s my car, I’m choosing the music,” I say.

Before anyone else argues, I start the car and turn on Taylor Swift so everyone is happy. Martha has managed to get her way to the front seat and Emery and Allison sit in the back. Allison decides to listen to her own music and stare out the window, sulking. Emery sits in her seat quietly, hands folded on her lap and staring out the window. I pull out of the driveway and begin the drive to school.

“Hey can we get coffee?” Martha asks as I make it out to the road.

“No we don’t have time,” I say.

“Come on! Who cares if we’re even late anyway?”

“Mom would care,” I say.

“Yeah but mom is mom. She’s the weirdest person I know. We already know she’s going to be freaking out if we’re late or not. Besides, you’re the one who decided to wear ripped jeans to school,” Martha says.

“I thought you didn’t care about the Bible,” I say.

“I don’t. But you did set mom off and now later today she’s going to have a talk with you about what you’re wearing and why it’s wrong.”

I groan and grip my hands tightly on the wheel. We come to a red stop light and I quickly switch from Taylor Swift to Ed Sheeran and You Need Me, I Don’t Need You pops on. Martha looks out the window and the light turns green.

***

We make it to school and everyone gets out of the car. I lock it and hurry inside the school by the church entrance rather than the school entrance. In front is a cafe and students are lined up to get whatever they desired. The four of us walk over and I say, “I’ll get you coffee here. How about that?”

Martha sighs and says, “Fine.”

We get in line and Martha is suddenly very jumpy. She smiles and she turns her body towards a boy named Bryan Quill. He’s wearing basketball shorts and a tank top like every other boy in this school. He’s half black, half white and has really pretty brown eyes and curly brown hair. Martha’s pale cheeks turn bright red and she says, “It’s Bryan.”

“I know,” I say.

“Go talk to him,” Allison says.

Martha nods and decides to walk over to him. There is a huge height difference when Bryan stands next to Martha. He’s at least six feet one inch maybe even a little taller while Martha… she managed to get the short genes of the family along with me. Reaching five feet two inches tall. But… she’s taller than me so I guess there’s that going for her.

It’s our turn now and I say, “Hi can I get a 16 ounce mocha with no whipped cream and Allison, Emery? What do you want?”

Emery stands on her toes and I lean down so she can whisper in my ear, “Can I have hot coco?”

I nod and tell the cashier, “One hot coco. Allison” I turn to Allison and wait for her to respond.

She shrugs and says, “I’ll have drip coffee thank you.”

I pay for the order and wait to the side. Bryan and his friends walk away and Martha comes back over to us. Her cheeks are bright red and her smile is from ear to ear. “He’s so hot!” Martha says.

I clear my throat and say, “He is.”

I will admit,  he’s hot but my sister likes him. So, off limits. Besides, he's a freshman. I’m a sophomore. I can’t date anyone younger than me. It’s weird. The barista hands us our drinks and we take them. “What time do you need to be in home room Martha?” I ask.

“Um 8:15,” she says.

Since there’s no school bell like in the movies, I check the time on my phone and see that it is 7:50 am. I need to get to home room by 8:00 am. Or I will face the deadly stare by my classmates.

Everyone in the school has a home room. Typically, home room is meant to give weekly school announcements and updates. Typically we do a class prayer and then get on with our day. Usually home room lasts only forty minutes so at least I don’t have to suffer for an hour and a half or so.

I look over at Allison and say, “Can you take Emery to her class?”

Allison nods, holds Emery’s hand and they walk away to her classroom. I run my hands through my hair and say to Martha, “I have to go. See you at lunch.”

She waves goodbye and I walk down the small hallway, past the Chapel room and head out the building where we have our outdoor trailer classrooms. On the left side is my homeroom and science trailor classroom. I walk up the metal stairs and enter the room. I look for Lizbeth and find her sitting in the back. I smile and sit next to her.

Mrs. Newton looks at the round clock at the back corner of the wall and says, “Welcome to home room everyone! A few announcements for today. We are looking for a class representative for our student government team. If anyone is interested you may speak up and we can put your name down to vote.”

I expect only two people to volunteer for class rep. Olivia and Sarah. They’re the popular girls of the school and even have their own clique. When I first came to the school, they tried to pull me into their popularity club, but I was too shy to do anything about it. So, I didn’t continue being friends with them.

“I’d like to run,” Olivia says. No one else says anything and I drum my fingers against the table.

It’s my senior year. Last year to do anything. It’s a small school anyway so it’s not like I’m embarrassing myself in front of hundreds of people.

Before I can stop myself, I say, “I’d like to run.”

Lizbeth looks at me, wide eyed and her jaw drops. I clench mine and immediately regret speaking because then Mrs. Newton laughs and says, “Haha okay then. I guess Jay wants to run for class rep. So don’t forget to vote for her.” There is clear sarcasm in her voice and my cheeks blush bright red and my ears burn.

The class chuckles and Lizbeth arches her eyebrows and tilts her head to the side. I glance down at my desk, silent for the rest of the class. As they pray, I look around the classroom, counting down the minutes until the class ends. There are posters of the periodic table of elements and other science facts all around the room. Science lab equipment is on the counter in the back of the classroom, along with the sink to wash our hands.

Once the class is finished with prayer, we are dismissed and I head to my next class, History with Mr. Cliff. It’s world history but all Mr. Cliff talks about is the Superbowl and what the Americans did during the world war. He doesn’t talk about anything else.

Lizbeth walks next to me and she says, “You okay Jay?”

I nod, wanting so badly to forget that even my teacher laughed at me about wanting to run for class rep. This is why I never do any of these things. She smiles and says, “It’s going to be fine. Besides, we have two years left to endure this shit.”

I laugh and say, “True that.”

We enter the classroom and I sit in the back. More students file in and a few from the junior class come in too. There are three students who come into the classroom as soon as it starts, so I guess technically speaking, they are not late. There are always these people who break the boundaries just enough that it’s technically not breaking any rules. They never get in trouble for anything.

Zakariah, Pierce and Matthew all walk in and sit in the back of the classroom. I roll my eyes and shake my head. Mr. Cliff begins the class by having us pick our team we’re voting for, for the Super Bowl. I grown in annoyance and run my hands through my hair. I don’t know anything about sports and I always humiliate myself when choosing.

“I’m going to write down on the board a list of teams who have a chance at the Super Bowl and then you all will pick the team who you think is going to win. If your team wins, you will get a prize,” Mr. Cliff says.

I glance over at Lizbeth who shrugs and shakes her head. I notice Mr. Cliff writes down a team called Lions and decide it best to vote for them because that is our school mascot. I swear all our school cares about are sports and God. It’s the stupidest thing ever.

An hour later, we finish class with a quiz and I am the second person to turn in my quiz. I sigh in relief and once everyone is finished, we leave the classroom. Lizbeth and I walk to the cafe and as we walk to the cafe, I run into Malia.

She is with her two friends Natalie and Paige. Martha is still in class as the middle schoolers have a different schedule than us high school students. I can’t help but stare at Malia as she walks past but she doesn’t notice. I clench my jaw and pull out my earbuds, turning on some Ed Sheeran.

Lizbeth gives me a strange look, tilting her head to the side and arching her light brown eyebrows and says, “You alright?”

I blush and say, “I’m fine. Why?”

Lizbeth shrugs and says, “I dunno. You were acting a little weird back there.”

I raise my hands in the air and say, “I’m not being weird.”

“Yes you are.”

“Can we drop it?” I say quickly.

Lizbeth raises her hands in surrender and we sit down at one of the round tables for study hall. I shiver and begin working on my fantasy novel.

[gumnut-logic]

Determination II (Part Three)

My infected foot has me laying around the house and off work for the rest of the week. It also means I will not be working on Nutty Day, which is kinda yay. But anyway, there should be some time to write, just be aware that my muse is a little bit all over the place at the moment, so I apologise if it gets a bit random.

But I did manage this bit tonight :D I hope you enjoy.

Sequel to episode tag to 3.24. POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR 3.24

From here.

-o-o-o-

He found Gordon in the kitchen making a sandwich.

“What are you doing?”

His little brother half turned towards him as if surprised to see him. “Grabbing food. It is dinner time, you know.”

“You are supposed to be finalising Four.”

“I am. Cool it, bro. Everything is under control.” As if to emphasise, he tossed a slice of ham into his mouth and sucked it in like a vacuum cleaner.

Scott’s hackles rose just that extra millimetre. No doubt his experienced brother’s intentions.

He shook it off. “Where’s Virgil?”

“In his room digging up some engineering literature. Dragged him back to make sure he ate. He’s as bad as you at looking after himself.” His brother held out a completed sandwich. “Hungry?”

Scott stared at the food a moment as his stomach lurched in its direction. But no... “No, I’ll eat later. I have to finish Three’s integration first.”

Gordon shrugged and took back the sandwich. “Suit yourself. Just make sure you do eat something before you fall on your face. We are kinda depending on our mighty leader in all this.”

Scott grunted at him, frowning. Maybe Gordon was right. He was hungry and he was here. Might as well kill two birds with one stone and eat dinner. He had wanted to ask Virgil to check the welds on Three anyway before he proceeded to the next stage. Fifteen minutes now might save an hour later due to lack of energy.

“Okay, fine, hand me the bread and butter.”

Gordon grinned at him, laid out two extra pieces of bread and reached for the butter.

“Oh, no you don’t. You spread it too thick, you know I hate that.” He grabbed the butter knife out of his brother’s hand as the aquanaut smirked at him.

Several slices of ham and a handful of salad later and Scott sat down with his little brother and ate.

Okay, Gordon was definitely right. A fuelled body mean efficient operation. He stuffed most of the sandwich into his mouth before he realised something was missing...or rather who.

“Where’s Virgil?”

“Looking stuff up. I told you that.”

“But isn’t he going to eat something?”

“He’ll be down, don’t worry.” Gordon had mustard. Large dollops of mustard on his sandwich and several streaks on his face.

Scott raised an eyebrow. “You’re wearing your dinner again.”

“Shows I’m enjoying it.” And he was presented with another Gordon trademark grin.

“If that is your excuse.”

“Sounds good, so I’m sticking with it.” He then smeared relish across the tip of his nose leaving it red like Rudolph the reindeer.

“Relish and mustard on the one sandwich?”

A shrug. “I like it spicy.”

“Ergh.” Scott shoved the rest of his down his throat and finished up his drink. Jumping to his feet he placed his plate and glass in the dishwasher and washed his hands. He stared up the stairs a moment before turning back to Gordon. “You sure Virgil is coming down? What’s he looking up anyway?”

“You expect me to know? I speak marine ecology, not engineerese.”

“He’s not worried about the Zero-XL is he?”

“Uh, no?”

Scott frowned at Gordon. “What did he say?”

“Ummm...”

“Virgil has been living and breathing this ship since Brains gave the go ahead. We launch tomorrow. Why is he here and not over there helping Brains finish up?”

Another shrug. “Again, aquanaut not engineer.” Gordon strode over to the freezer and yanked out a small tub. “Here, I found John’s stash of Bailey’s Ice Cream hidden in the hangar freezer. Would you believe he had it lodged behind the reserve coolant?”

Scott took the tub of decadent ice confectionery, the change in topic stalling him for a moment. “You stole John’s ice cream?”

“Well, yeah, I have a reputation to maintain, after all. I don’t even like Baileys, but hey, I found it. Want some?”

“So you’ve got a death wish.”

“Eh, he has to catch me first.”

“He caught you last time. If I recall correctly, all your music playlists have been replaced by nursery rhymes.”

“Yeah, that was a good one. You shoulda seen Virg squirm with all the ear worms.”

“I did, see him. You are lucky he didn’t see you. Have you found your player yet?”

“Sure did. Virg just doesn’t have the true skill of good revenge.”

“I wouldn’t say that to his face.”

Gordon waved a dismissive hand. “Nah, Virgil is a big softy. He won’t hurt a fly, much less his itty-bitty little brother.”

Another arched eyebrow. “I’ll remember to put that on your gravestone on the day you go too far.” He waved the ice cream tub away. “Keep it. John’s wrath is a much larger concern. I want to be able to communicate with the outside world.” He turned to leave.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to see Virgil. I need him to check some of my work when we get back to the XL.”

“Why don’t you go back to the platform. I’ll make Virgil some food, make sure he eats it and then return with him.”

“Why?”

“Umm, I came over with Virg and left my pod on the platform? I kinda need a lift.”

Scott rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine. But hurry up, we have a time limit here.”

Gordon saluted sharply in a definite WASP style. “Yes, sir!”

“Move it, soldier.”

Gordon let his body slouch, hunchback style and with an exaggerated limp, made it over to the refrigerator. “Yessssh, Masssster.”

A grunt and Scott turned climbing the stairs two at a time, already running the next task through his head on the way to his pod. Eating had definitely been a good idea. He already felt much sharper. He should round up Alan, Kayo and Brains and make them take a break as well.

He was climbing into his pod when he remembered that one of the reasons why he wanted get Virgil to check his welds was because he had used the newer welding equipment. While it appeared to be welding fine, he meant to double check his settings with the engineer who was far more familiar with the equipment and he had been unavailable earlier..

He hit his comms. “Virg? You got a minute?”

No answer.

“Virg, you there?”

Nothing.

Okay, that was weird. He raised his hand to comm John, but remembered that his space brother was busy preparing Five for the XL. Which was likely why he had been so distracted when Scott contacted him earlier.

Scott mentally kicked himself. This project was so overwhelmingly important to him that sometimes he forgot how important it was to his brothers as well.

A sudden image of Virgil looking up at him kindly, but with just that ghost of worry in his eyes. It was a familiar sight in so many settings. His brother had been hovering around him for weeks now, reassuring, watching, supporting...

Aaargh. He jumped down from the pod and headed back into the villa. Gordon was nowhere to be seen. Probably took dinner up to Virgil, who was likely hip deep in a search for whatever it was he was looking for.

Scott ignored the elevator and bounded up the stairs to the residential level and into the corridor leading to Virgil’s rooms.

Virgil’s door was the most ornate of all those in the hallway. His brother had travelled to Japan for one of his periods of leave about four years ago and had come back so artistically inspired, he had churned out a dozen of so paintings and one intricately carved door.

The green dragon stared at him challengingly despite being slightly ajar.

There were voices beyond it.

Gordon’s voice.

Virgil’s voice.

“What the hell are you doing? Get back to bed.”

“I need to get back out there. Scott is going to find out.”

“He’s fine. He’s on his way back. Doesn’t have a clue.”

A lump formed in Scott’s chest and climbed up his throat. What the hell?

“Gordon, I appreciate what you are trying to do, but I have to do this. This is for Dad - ah, ow, shit!”

“And this is for you! Now does that prove it to you enough yet? Get your ass back into bed before I haul Johnny down here and we drag you there.”

There was the sound of heavy breathing and a grunt.

And Scott broke.

Heart beating a mile a minute, he shoved the door open.

-o-o-o-

TBC

[crescentmoon223]

When This is Over

As promised, my Stella/Scully quarantine fic. Heads up, it’s SUPER SMUTTY - you’ve been warned lol.

Tensions run high when Stella and Scully are forced to self-isolate together at home during a global pandemic. How far will Scully go to convince Stella to take her on a belated honeymoon once this is over? (Hint: bedroom hijinks!)

Read it on AO3 Note: This is set in present day (spring 2020), post Two Worlds Collide and after their wedding. When I write the sequel to TWC, it will be set during the summer and fall of 2019, directly after the epilogue (and yes, it will include their wedding!) Sorry if this is confusing, but it’s the only way the timeline made sense in my head lol. Obviously, I would rather write the TWC sequel first (and I do hope to write it next month!) but the idea for this quarantine fic hit last weekend, and I decided to go for it while it was relevant. I hope you enjoy! xx

-----

There were certain sounds that Scully associated with this new chapter in their lives. The clatter of fingers on a keyboard. The murmur of newscasters from the television in the kitchen. The flute music Stella listened to while she did yoga. And currently, the bump and clatter of her obsessively cleaning their flat. Scully looked up from her laptop with a smile as Stella entered her line of vision. She wore gray yoga pants with a black tank top, her hair tied back with a red polka-dot bandana. She wiped down their already sparkling countertops, spraying and scrubbing at spots only she could see. Everyday Stella was a neat freak and a bit of a germophobe. Stella during a viral pandemic was next level. “Nice ass,” Scully called as Stella bent to wipe down the front of one of the cabinets. Stella shot her an exasperated look, but she turned, leaning over the sink to rinse her cleaning cloth in a way that pressed her breasts together, emphasizing her cleavage beneath the snug-fitting tank top, and it certainly wasn’t accidental.

Read the rest on AO3

Scully closed out of the software the university was using for its virtual classroom. She’d been teaching forensics online for a week now, and it had gone relatively smoothly, although she missed the face-to-face interaction with her students. Setting her laptop on the table, she returned her attention to her wife. “Planning to stop cleaning anytime soon?” Another sharp look from Stella. “I’ll stop when it’s clean.” Scully knew better than to argue with her. She fought a smile as she remembered the abject horror on Stella’s face after she’d been told that as Detective Chief Superintendent, a position which required little to no field work, she was one of the non-essential Met personnel who would be expected to work from home until the self-isolation period had passed. In the days since, she had quickly demonstrated why she was not a good candidate to work from home. Unable to go to the office—or the pool—she’d covered the living room table with Met paperwork, file folders and notebooks filled with her ingenious musings. When she wasn’t working, she alternated between cleaning fits, ill-fated yoga sessions that tended to end in a lot of swearing and whiskey drinking, and watching entirely too much news BBC coverage on COVID-19. In short, she was driving Scully crazy. For her part, Scully had a more pragmatic approach. She’d suffered through many less pleasant quarantine situations than this one during her time on the X Files, and she’d already faced the potential end of the world as she knew it…more than once. She was perfectly content now to teach from her home office, run her own data on the progression of the virus, and spend plenty of time with her wife. If only she could get Stella to settle. “I need to check on my mom, and then we should start thinking about dinner,” Scully told her. “There are steaks in the freezer,” Stella said. “I’ll put them in the sink to thaw.” “Perfect.” Scully picked up her laptop and opened FaceTime to dial her mom. Maggie’s face appeared on the screen, and Scully felt something deep inside her relax. Probably the hardest part of this mandatory self-isolation was being trapped an ocean away from her mom, who was in a high-risk category due to her age. Thankfully, Maggie had lots of people checking on her. “Dana, I was just thinking about you,” she said with a smile. “How are you today, Mom?” “Oh, I’m just fine. Fox dropped by earlier. He brought me groceries, that sweet man.” Scully’s heart clenched. Mulder was a sweet man to check on her mom for her, not that she’d ever doubted this about him. They were family, in every way that mattered. She made a mental note to call him in the morning to thank him, and to make sure he was taking care of himself too. “He didn’t come in, did he?” “No. He left the groceries on the porch and then sat and talked with me for a while through the window.” Scully smiled. “That was nice of him.” “He talked a lot about increased UFO sightings, particularly in areas with the highest rate of infection.” Maggie’s eyes widened. “Mom.” Scully shook her head in exasperation. “It’s not an alien virus. In fact, it originated from bats.” “Well, he was very convincing, is all I’m saying,” Maggie told her. “He always is,” Scully agreed. “You’re still feeling fine? No symptoms?” “I’m as healthy as a seventy-six-year-old woman could expect to be,” Maggie said. “I even went for a walk around the neighborhood earlier, and before you ask, yes, I kept my distance from everyone else.” “Good,” Scully said, wishing more than anything that she could reach through the screen and give her mom a hug. “Remember, there’s no reason to panic if you do develop symptoms, but it’s extremely important that you get tested right away. Tests are hard to come by in the US, but I know people who can pull strings for you.” “I know, I know,” Maggie said, waving her hands impatiently. “How are you and Stella?” “We’re fine,” Scully told her, glancing toward the kitchen, but Stella was nowhere in sight. “Just a bit stir crazy, but who isn’t?” “I imagine this is very difficult for Stella,” Maggie said with a knowing smile. Scully grinned. “You got that right.” “Did I hear my name?” Stella emerged from the hallway, having changed into a white T-shirt and drawstring pants, her hair loose over her shoulders. She sat on the couch beside Scully, waving politely at Maggie. “Hi, Stella,” Maggie said warmly. “How are you?” “I’m fine, despite what Dana may be telling you,” she said, giving Scully a look. “And how are you, Maggie?” “The very same,” Maggie said with a laugh. Stella joined the conversation for a few minutes before excusing herself to the kitchen to check on the steaks. “I’ll talk to you again tomorrow, Mom,” Scully said. “And call me anytime, for any reason, no matter the hour. Promise?” “Will do,” Maggie said. “Good night, Dana. I love you.” “Love you too, Mom.” She ended the call and closed her laptop. Her gaze caught on the gold band glinting on her left ring finger. She was thankful for it for so many reasons, but right now, it symbolized a vitally important connection between her and Stella. If the worst were to happen and one of them became sick, they would have spousal privileges at the hospital. Stella was her next of kin, with visitation rights and the power to make any difficult decisions that might need to be made. And Scully would do the same for Stella. Both of them had living wills and all their wishes already clearly defined, but it gave her an extra sense of peace knowing they had each other. She touched the ring with a smile. “What do you want to do until dinner?” Stella asked, rejoining her on the couch. “Oh, I’m sure we can think of something.” She smiled as Stella’s fingers traced the seam of Scully’s jeans from her knee slowly up her thigh. They’d always enjoyed an active sex life, but being stuck at home together had made them even more insatiable than usual. She reached for Stella, sliding one hand into her hair as she pulled her in for a kiss. Stella smelled like lemons and soap, her lips soft and pliant against Scully’s. She stared into the azure depths of Stella’s eyes as her mind flipped all the way back to their first kiss against the side of Stella’s car over twenty years ago. They’d shared a lifetime of kisses since, two continents worth, from London to Maryland to Wyoming. Lately, she’d been wanting to add someplace new to that list. She pressed her lips against a sensitive spot on Stella’s jaw, feeling the shudder that ran through her. “You still owe me a honeymoon, you know.” “This isn’t enough for you?” Stella quipped, hands roaming beneath Scully’s shirt. “Endless weeks trapped here at home, fucking each other senseless?” She shook her head, gasping as Stella sucked at the spot beneath her ear that had always been her undoing. “I’m serious. If we survive this pandemic—” “If?” Stella interrupted, her tone sharp. “When,” Scully corrected. “When this is over, we owe it to ourselves to take a real vacation, one that has nothing to do with work or family. Just you and me, celebrating our marriage somewhere special.” Stella said nothing, instead swirling her tongue over Scully’s neck while she teased her through her jeans. But despite her already-wet panties, Scully persisted, because seduction as a form of distraction was the oldest rule in Stella’s book. “Paris,” she said, sliding into Stella’s lap. “There are so many museums we could explore, so much art. The Mona Lisa…” Stella arched her hips so Scully could move against her, friction building through their clothes. “I’ve seen the Mona Lisa.” “But I haven’t.” She slipped a hand between them, touching Stella through her pants, pleased as Stella’s breath hitched, nipples hardening beneath her T-shirt. “Take me, Stel.” “Yes,” Stella said throatily. “Take me to Paris,” she clarified, fingers moving over the soft cotton of Stella’s pants, already damp with her arousal. “We’ll see,” Stella hedged. She thought vacations were a waste of time and money, an extravagance that could be better indulged in fine liquors, fabrics, and other luxuries right here at home. Scully was generally inclined to agree with her. They both worked hard and traveled often enough for work or to visit family that a separate vacation just for the two of them sometimes felt like too much effort. But this was different. She’d already lost too many years to unpredictable viruses and quarantine protocols. She deserved a trip to Paris, at the very least. They both did. But if sex was Stella’s preferred means of communication at the moment, maybe she could use that to her advantage. Scully bent her head and kissed Stella, hands sliding behind her back to hold her close. Her tongue slid into the welcome heat of Stella’s mouth, tasting whiskey. “Picture it, Stella,” she murmured against her lips. “Sidewalk cafés, wine and cheese and melt-in-your-mouth pastries on our balcony.” “Mm,” Stella said noncommittally, hands gripping Scully’s ass. “Versailles,” Scully whispered against the pulse point on Stella’s neck, watching as goose bumps rose on her skin. “Gardens. Flowers. So many beautiful churches.” “I hate church,” Stella said breathlessly. “I’m not asking you to sit through a service with me, just admire the architecture and the stained glass.” She swirled her tongue over Stella’s collarbone, rewarded by a sharp inhale. “Let’s go, when this is over.” “Dana…” Stella’s body stilled beneath Scully’s. “We don’t know when that will be or what the world will look like.” “I know that.” She sat up, taking Stella’s chin in her hand to force her to meet her eyes. “I know that better than almost anyone.” “Then why are you pushing me for a trip right now of all times?” There was a fragility to the fierceness in Stella’s gaze. She was afraid. Scully softened at the realization. “The world will look different when this is over, and it will be a while before we can go to Paris, but it’s good for morale to have something to look forward to, and I would imagine the economy will need a boost from tourism when all is said and done.” “I can find you plenty of architecture and stained glass right here in London.” Stella popped the button on Scully’s jeans, pushing down the zipper with a soft metallic hiss. Scully pressed closer. “Not the point.” “Agree to disagree?” Stella’s fingers dove down the front of Scully’s underwear. Her hips rolled against Stella’s hand as a soft whimper escaped her throat, and a wicked idea took hold in her mind. “I’ll play you for it.” “What?” An adorable wrinkle appeared in Stella’s brow. Scully sat up straighter, grinning. “Sex games are your specialty, are they not?” Stella’s eyebrows lifted. “What kind of game?” “If I can make you come first, we go to Paris. If you make me come first, we stay home.” She dangled the bait, knowing Stella would be unable to refuse, even as she also knew her chances of winning were slim. Stella’s self-control was legendary, after all. But it would be fun to try, and it might even distract Stella from the reality of their situation for a little while. Sure enough, the flame in Stella’s eyes lit. “You’re on.” * * * Stella pushed Scully onto the bed and climbed on top of her, both of them still fully clothed. Now that Scully had made this a game with their honeymoon as the prize, they were both eager to take things slow. Frankly, Stella couldn’t imagine a better way to spend what remained of the afternoon than to slowly and relentlessly tease Scully right over the edge…repeatedly. “You smell good,” Scully murmured, shifting beneath her so that Stella’s right thigh slid between her own. “I took a quick shower while you were talking to your mother.” Stella pressed her thigh more firmly against Scully, rewarded by a little moan. She liked this position, being on top, in control, a feeling that had been in short supply since she’d been sent home from work. Stella hated laying low, waiting the threat to pass. Her every instinct screamed for her to get out there on the frontlines and fight this thing. She’d fearlessly stared down every kind of evil imaginable over the years, but this one was different. There was no bravery in going outside now, nothing but her own stupidity to blame if she allowed the virus to catch her. There was a helplessness to being trapped at home that was slowly eating her alive. She’d cleaned everything she could get her hands on, the only way she knew to fight this faceless threat. She’d checked on Fran nearly as often as Scully called her mother. She’d watched while Scully analyzed articles and data, showing her graphs that scared the fuck out of her, while Scully herself faced their uncertain future with a kind of serenity that made Stella want to scream. Distantly, she wondered if Scully knew all of this, if she’d manufactured this sex game to get Stella out of her head for a little while, to give her a sense of power here that she couldn’t find elsewhere right now. It wouldn’t surprise her, but she wasn’t going to let it ruin this moment either. She slid a hand beneath Scully’s top—a crisp black button-down she’d worn for her online teaching earlier that day—and cupped her over her bra. She brushed her thumb back and forth, feeling Scully’s nipples harden beneath her touch. Scully deftly untied the drawstring on Stella’s pants, slipping a hand inside. “Stella,” she said in a scandalized tone. “Did you FaceTime my mother without underwear?” “Easier to get undressed afterward.” She swallowed a whimper as Scully’s fingers slid over her bare skin before retreating to palm her equally bare breasts. “I’ll say.” Scully pushed Stella’s shirt up, helping her slide it over her head. Stella straightened, tits bouncing as she rocked her hips against Scully’s. The coronavirus was outside her control, but this—her body, her pleasure—this she controlled. That she would win was already a forgone conclusion. She could hardly believe Scully had even offered the challenge. “This might be a better view than anything I would find in the Louvre,” Scully said, gaze locked on Stella’s tits. “All the more reason not to go.” Stella began unbuttoning Scully’s blouse, pausing after each button to kiss the newly exposed skin, leaving a wet trail down the center of her chest and over the clasp of her bra. She continued all the way to the waistband of Scully’s jeans, her shirt now hanging open at her sides. Scully looked down at her, chest heaving, bottom lip pinched between her teeth. “Well, don’t stop there.” “Wasn’t planning to.” Stella eased the shirt down Scully’s left arm and then the right before tossing it to the floor. She helped Scully wiggle out of her jeans, dipping her head to kiss her through her underwear before she stripped those away too, followed by her own pants. Once they were both naked, Stella turned her attention to worshipping every inch of Scully’s bare skin. She kissed her breasts, teasing Scully’s nipples until they had tightened into tight rosy buds, which she flicked with her tongue until Scully moaned. Stella looked up and caught her gaze as she began to kiss her way down Scully’s stomach, making sure to pay special attention to all of her most sensitive spots, like that little patch of skin just below her left hipbone, the one that made her whimper and squirm as Stella’s tongue swirled over it. “God, Stella,” Scully groaned, hands fisted in the sheet. “Mm,” she murmured as she flicked her tongue against Scully’s clit, causing her hips to buck upward with a gasp of surprise. Stella was torn between the desire to drive Scully straight over the edge or to hold herself back a bit and at least give Scully a fighting chance. In the end, she wanted this to last as long as possible. Power games in bed were a huge fucking turn on. Just thinking about what was to come had her throbbing in anticipation. She teased Scully with her tongue, licking and sucking but never giving her as much pressure as she knew Scully preferred. She pushed a single finger inside her, thrusting in time with her tongue, toying with her. Scully’s gasping breaths became increasingly labored, her hips shifting restlessly, her arousal fueling Stella’s. She reached between her own thighs, pressing two fingers against her aching clit. She stroked herself once, twice, just enough to give herself momentary relief from the tension building there before returning her hand to Scully’s body, letting her own need drive her as she focused on her wife. She nipped Scully’s clit, drawing a strangled cry from her lips, before trailing a string of wet, open-mouthed kisses down her inner thighs until Scully was writhing beneath her. “Stop,” she mumbled, pushing at Stella’s shoulders. Stella smiled as she complied, sliding up Scully’s body to kiss her on the mouth, tongues tangling, bodies pressed together from head to toe, spreading heat with every movement. They kissed for what felt like hours, and Stella was lost in the sensations, the warmth of Scully’s breath on her cheeks, the weight of Scully’s breasts against her own, the teasing rub of her skin against the parts of Stella that ached for release. And then Scully was moving, shimmying down to position herself between Stella’s thighs. She inhaled sharply, everything inside her tensing in anticipation. Scully was talented in too many ways to name, but the wicked pleasure of her mouth was something that still overwhelmed Stella in the best possible way. She began with one long, slow lick, and Stella felt herself arching off the bed, her body instinctively seeking more. Scully centered the heat of her mouth over Stella’s clit, swirling there until Stella was dizzy with desire, unaware of anything but the hot press of Scully’s tongue and the powerful need coiling inside her. She moved her hips, rocking against Scully’s mouth, allowing herself this moment of surrender before she slid sideways, rolling to face Scully. Need pulsed wickedly inside her, invigorating her, burning away the ugly things that had built in her chest during the day. “Touch yourself,” she demanded, feeling a shiver of excitement as she watched Scully push a hand between her thighs in response. Scully stroked herself, slowly at first, gradually picking up speed. Her lips parted in silent pleasure, and Stella watched, entranced. Scully stared straight into her eyes as she moved, pleasure apparent in the flush on her cheeks and the slightly dazed expression on her face. “You too,” Scully said breathlessly. “Touch yourself.” Stella did, bringing a hand between her thighs, which were already slick with a combination of her own arousal and Scully’s recent attention. She kept her touch light, careful not to give herself too much stimulation, not when Scully had already brought her so close to the edge. She skimmed her fingers over herself as her core clenched, seeking the release she so relentlessly denied herself. “How close are you?” Scully asked, gaze dropping to Stella’s hand, watching as she touched herself. “Not very,” Stella told her, which was technically true, although she could get herself there quickly enough if she allowed it. “On a scale of one to ten,” Scully persisted, her own fingers still moving, stroking. “One being barely aroused, and ten being the point of no return.” Stella smirked. “Six.” “Oh.” Scully slowed her fingers, looking pained to do so. “And you?” Stella couldn’t help asking. “Eight.” She whimpered slightly. “Maybe a nine.” “Interesting.” Stella reached for her, drawing her close. She pushed Scully’s hand aside, replacing it with her own, and fuck, Scully was so wet. It sent a hot thrill through Stella’s body, shooting straight to her clit. Swiftly, she rolled, sliding a thigh between Scully’s in a move streamlined by years of practice, intimate knowledge of exactly how to position herself so that their pussies pressed together for optimal pleasure. Immediately, Scully began to move, grinding vigorously against Stella. “Nine,” Scully gasped. “Definitely a nine.” Stella was headed there pretty quickly herself, her clit thrumming with need beneath the hot, wet slide of Scully’s body. She watched as Scully surrendered, shuddering in her arms, her pussy pulsing against Stella’s as she came, whimpering, hips jerking, and it was so powerful, she nearly took Stella over the edge with her. She began to move against Scully in earnest now, chasing her own release. She arched her hips so that her clit rubbed against Scully’s pelvic bone with each thrust, and yes, this was it. This was perfect. So fucking perfect. Need coiled hot and tight in her core. Scully rolled away with a wicked grin. “I demand a rematch.” “Well, that’s hardly fair,” Stella said, attempting to steady her voice as her thighs pressed together uncomfortably. “Not exactly a level playing field now, is it?” “It’s perfectly fair,” Scully told her. “You deserved to start with a handicap.” And well, she had a point. Even in her current state, Stella could probably still win their bet. She blew out a long, slow breath. Strike that. She could definitely still win their bet. She could win it three times over if she had to. The game was all part of the thrill for her, and as long as it lasted, she didn’t have to think about what was happening outside their flat, the invisible threat she didn’t know how to fight. “All right.” Scully gave her a smug smile, but Stella kissed it right off her face as she moved in, getting right down to business this time. She fucked Scully hard and fast with her fingers, not letting up until Scully was writhing against her all over again. Once she had her sufficiently worked up, Stella withdrew her hand, trailing her glistening fingers over Scully’s stomach, thrilled with the way she trembled beneath Stella’s touch. “And now?” she asked. “Where are you on your little scale?” “At least a seven.” She pressed a thigh between Stella’s legs, angling her hips to give them both some much-needed friction. “You?” “Same.” Stella pressed herself firmly against Scully’s thigh, attempting to hold still, but Scully stymied her with her own movements, causing her thigh to rub rhythmically against Stella’s already hyper-sensitive clit. She gripped tighter with her thighs, allowing it…for now. “You’re so gorgeous when you’re this turned on,” Scully said reverently, tracing a hand over the contour of Stella’s face. “Makes me want to tease you like this forever.” Stella exhaled, hearing the hitch in her breath. Her thighs, still clamped around Scully’s, began to shake. Scully’s hips stilled, bringing them both to a gasping halt. Stella unthreaded their legs, channeling the energy inside her into a blistering kiss, her lips devouring Scully’s, tongues thrusting in an imitation of the act their bodies craved. This kiss was deep and ravenous, feeding a hunger that only grew with each passing moment. Stella could lose herself here, every cell in her body achingly, breathtakingly alive, adrenaline coursing through her veins, all centered in the pulsing ache between her thighs. They moved together, never quite allowing their bodies to touch the way they needed, instead letting the whisper soft brush of skin against skin stoke the fire blazing between them. “Stella,” Scully gasped, fingernails biting into Stella’s back, causing her to exhale sharply in pleasure. “Do that again,” Stella demanded, her voice low and hoarse. Scully’s nails bit into her skin, dragging slowly down her back to dig into her ass, hauling her up against the welcome heat of Scully’s body. Their hips pressed together more firmly now, and Stella couldn’t help but gasp as Scully thrust against her. “Fuck,” Scully mumbled, and Stella grinned against her lips. Despite her best intentions, Scully had very little willpower when it came to postponing her pleasure. “Nine again, hm?” Stella asked. “Yes.” Scully’s movements became increasingly frantic. Stella arched her back, separating their hips, causing Scully to swear. But Stella wasn’t quite ready for this to be over. Not to mention, Scully was also incredibly, impossibly beautiful when she was this turned on. Her blue eyes gleamed with desire, cheeks flushed, breath coming in irregular gasps. Stella slid down to lavish her breasts, licking and sucking as Scully writhed beneath her. And then, Scully rose, flipping Stella beneath her and pinning her to the bed before she’d realized what was happening. “Time to get you to a nine,” Scully panted, and Stella shifted restlessly against the bed. Truthfully, she’d already been there a few times, and it wouldn’t take much to bring her back…or to carry her over the edge. She held herself still as Scully crawled down her body, giving her a heated look before she closed her mouth directly over Stella’s clit, sucking hard. Stella’s hips bucked, and she held her breath against the urge to beg for more. Scully was on a mission, her tongue licking, flicking, swirling with such an intensity that for several long moments, Stella completely lost her wits, grinding shamelessly against Scully’s mouth. Scully pushed two fingers inside her, expertly stroking her upper wall, and just like that… “Nine,” Stella gasped, pushing Scully away as her core clenched desperately against the emptiness left behind. “Oh, I definitely like you like this,” Scully said, eyes burning hot as they raked over Stella’s body, scorching her everywhere they touched. It was all she could do not to bring her hand between her thighs and let Scully watch as she fucked herself right over the edge. Instead, she pounced, hands gripping Scully’s hips as she evened the score. She held nothing back, nipping and sucking at Scully’s clit as she pushed two fingers inside her, followed quickly by a third. She showed no mercy, working Scully hard and fast, dimly aware that she wasn’t even trying to slow Stella down this time. Scully came in a wet rush, her pussy clenching around Stella’s fingers as her body shook and her hips bucked, followed by a long, low cry of relief. Stella rolled to the side, one hand already between her legs, fucking herself as hard as she’d just fucked Scully. “Wait,” Scully gasped, rising unsteadily as a smile stretched her cheeks. “No,” Stella protested, even as her hand stilled. She could wait. She could keep this up as long as Scully wanted to play. But she was ready to come. Her body shook with the effort not to. “I won fair and square. Twice.” “Yes, you did.” Scully planted a hot kiss against her lips. “And you deserve to be rewarded properly for your efforts.” “Do I?” she asked, one hand still pressed firmly between her legs but not moving, holding herself on the brink of release. “Yes,” Scully said with a brisk nod. “Hands off.” Stella complied, desperately curious as to what Scully had in mind. She steadied her breathing, trying to relax, pushing back her need so that she’d last long enough to properly enjoy her reward, whatever it was. Scully scooted to the edge of the bed and opened the drawer where they kept their toys. A fresh wave of arousal rushed through Stella, and she pressed her thighs together. As she watched, Scully took out the hot pink strap-on that was possibly Stella’s favorite possession. Scully slipped into the harness before turning to face Stella, pink cock jutting in her direction, and she couldn’t help it. She moaned. If it was possible to come from anticipation alone, this would be the moment. Scully squirted lube onto one palm and slicked it over the cock, warming it beneath her palms with long, sweeping strokes while Stella clenched her fists in the sheet to keep from touching herself. She ached to be filled, desperation making her weak. “Ready?” Scully asked as she crawled onto the bed, and Stella nodded, thighs parting in anticipation. “You’re so wet for me, Stella,” Scully said as she allowed the head of the cock to brush against Stella’s entrance. “Mm,” she agreed, gripping Scully’s ass, pulling her closer. “Impatient, are we?” Scully quipped, rocking her hips so that the head of the cock slipped inside Stella. She whimpered, too far gone to argue. Scully pressed forward, testing Stella as her body adjusted to the toy before she drew back and slid home, filling Stella completely. She moaned in relief, falling back against the mattress as Scully straddled her, thrusting into her hard and fast, just the way Stella liked. Scully reached between them, stroking Stella’s clit in time with the movement of her hips, and Stella was done for. Her eyes fell shut as she rocked up to meet Scully, barely able to breathe past the need rising inside her, throbbing in her core, building hotter and stronger with each thrust until she thought she might burst from the power of it. “More,” she gasped. Scully picked up the pace, pounding into her as her fingers circled Stella’s clit, harder, faster, and then she was coming, arching off the bed with a moan as the orgasm rushed through her, leaving her hot and tingly in its wake. She lay there, gasping for breath, still impossibly aroused by the feel of the cock inside her and the woman on top of her. Scully paused, allowing Stella a moment to catch her breath before she resumed her movements, this time tilting her hips so that the head of the cock rubbed against Stella’s G-spot on every stroke. She swore as need rose inside her again, impossible stronger and more urgent than before, so intense she could only writhe and swear beneath Scully as she carried Stella swiftly toward a second orgasm. “Come for me,” Scully whispered, and Stella did. Her core ignited with release, pulsing through her with such an intensity, she almost thought she was having an out of body experience. A high, keening cry tore from her throat as wave after wave of pleasure rolled through her. It kept coming, she kept coming, as her body released all the tension she’d built up during their game. When she regained her senses, she was limp and shaky, her body covered in sweat, her pussy still tingling with aftershocks of pleasure. “Wow,” Scully whispered. “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you come that hard.” Rather than answering, Stella pulled her in for a deep, drunken kiss. She wasn’t entirely sure she could form words just yet, let alone move, so she just lay there, panting for breath, as Scully climbed off the bed and went into the bathroom to clean their toy. She returned a few minutes later and tucked the dildo back into its drawer before sliding into bed, a pink cloth in her hands. She pressed it against Stella’s flushed face. The cloth was warm and damp, and it felt so good as Scully gently wiped the sweat from her skin. She worked her way down Stella’s body, washing away sweat and sex. When she’d finished, she tossed the cloth toward the bathroom and crawled in beside Stella, one arm thrown over her stomach. They lay like that for a while, both of them calm and sated. Scully’s fingers traced lazy patterns on Stella’s skin. “We’ll have a lovely honeymoon here in London when this is over,” she said softly without a trace of disappointment in her tone, true to her word. Stella looked down at the gold band on her finger. She tightened her arms protectively around Scully as teared pooled in her eyes. Despite their self-isolation, what if the virus managed to penetrate their home? What if something happened to Scully? Stella couldn’t bear the thought. Scully closed her eyes, resting peacefully in Stella’s arms. Was she daydreaming about their honeymoon? Stella tried to imagine it, but she found herself picturing Scully sipping champagne on the Eiffel Tower, eating pastries at a sidewalk café, spouting scientific details as Stella showed her magnificent stained glass in Saint Chappelle and Notre Dame, so much stained glass it would take her breath away. If they survived this—when they survived this—how could Stella possibly deny her the honeymoon of her dreams? How could she deny either of them that chance? She held Scully tightly, burying her face in the floral-scented depths of Scully’s hair. “But not as lovely as Paris.” Scully pulled back to give her a baffled look. “You were right,” Stella whispered. “We should go to Paris.” Scully beamed at her with a joy so pure, it warmed even the darkest, most fearful parts of Stella’s heart. “Really?” “Really.” She drew in a breath. “But it will be a while before we can go, Dana, and I don’t—” “I know.” Scully brought their lips together for a gentle kiss. “It took us twenty years to get married. However long we have to wait for our honeymoon, it will be worth it.” Stella nodded as a tear slipped over her cheek, knowing in her heart that it was true.

[this-lioness]

Another bullshit update on life in general

Work has kept me busy, and I’ve been trying to get more done creatively and around the house, as well.

This was the first weekend in awhile I didn’t do any (or much) meal prep, since we had enough in the freezer to last us for all the dinners this week, and even a few lunches for Marc.  I made a dozen eggs, cut up and roasted almost 5 lbs of potatoes, and called it a day.

I cancelled the physical therapist, because between work, gym, housekeeping and trying to do something other than being a machine I did not have time for an additional two rounds of exercises every single day.  We were getting up at 5 AM, leaving for work at 6:30 AM, leaving work for home at 5 PM, getting home from the gym around 7, then eating for a half hour.  It was not going to happen.

We ended up cancelling the gym membership, because -- as much as we want to go -- we are just too tired and hungry after an hour-long commute to be like, “Yay, let’s do something tedious and exhausting for a half hour!”

The long term goal was to cancel the membership anyway, however.  I told Marc I want us to concentrate on finishing the sheetrock in the former “cat room” this coming weekend so that we actually use it for its intended purpose, which was exercise.  I have that barre I bought last year that I haven’t had time or room to use even once, and the treadmill and hand weights is just sitting and collecting dust.  So anyway, that’s the plan for next weekend.

We will also be fostering two cats in the next couple weeks, and trying to find them a home.  Long story short we met an artist at one of the galleries downtown, very nice guy, and his friend or nephew or I forget has recently knocked up his girlfriend and decided, “Well, we need to move and get rid of the cats I guess!”

So they’re two year-old sisters, and he wants them to stay together, which is fine.  Like Rosie, they actually look very young, like maybe only 5 months old.  They have never been to the vet in their life, so no shots, and neither of them are fixed, which means it will be on us to take care of all that before they get adopted out.  I’m sure he’s going to be a great Dad [/sarcasm].

When Marc found out that the cats needed a full vet workup, including spay, he was initially resistant due to the cost.  I said okay, if you’re not comfortable with it you’re not comfortable with it, and went upstairs to investigate our options.  The Walmart just opened up a “Vet IQ” clinic that does basic veterinary care, and we can utilize a local spay clinic for about $50 per cat, so on that end alone we’d be shelling out less than $300 (there’s always food and litter, of course).

After awhile Marc came up and was like, “I think I was a little hasty, I’m sure we can make it work.” After I told him the anticipated costs he was much more into it, so that’s good.  Hopefully we won’t have any trouble finding a home for them.

Rosie is doing well at feeding time in her crate!  It has not stopped her from being an absolute maniac spaz about food, but there is almost no growling at all while she eats now.  She goes in her crate, Marc covers it up with a towel, and she eats with seemingly less hysterical anxiety.  I’ll call it a tentative win.

Rosie, by the way, loves Bones. Bones can usually take her or leave her, although his tolerance level is much higher when she’s not acting the spaz, although you see moments of affection for her as well.  She greets him with a nice long body rub when they cross paths, and yesterday Marc caught him grooming her head.  It does my heart good.

At the risk of jinxing myself, I’ve been doing much better at bowling for the past few weeks!  I did decently at league on Friday, and when we went for our Sunday practice I had a series of something like 145, 106 and 140.  Considering I was lucky to break 100 a couple months ago I’m feeling very encouraged.

What has worked for me, honestly, is throwing out a lot of convention wisdom.  Marc has always been very patient with me, explaining game theory and approach and all that, but no matter how much I tried to put it all together it just wasn’t working.  And I was really, really trying.

Then, a few weeks ago, I was chatting with someone about Dyscalculia, and did a bit more casual reading about it.  I was reminded that it often causes issues with spatial awareness, something I can absolutely vouch for (I actually suspect it’s part of what’s caused me to have such persistent problems with perspective and anatomy over the years, although that’s a discussion for another time.)

So I started keeping that in mind when we play: I used the techniques that I knew were helpful, but in any aspect where I was supposed to do one thing, but consistently got unexpected and problematic results, I tried to go more by “feel”.

It’s hard to explain why this works, but it has so far.  Basically, I had to throw out the notion of bowling at “angles”, and became more of a straight-shooter, keeping in mind that my ball does have a tendency to hook left.  I got something like 3 or 4 strikes in one game on Friday!

Which is not to say that I’m suddenly a good bowler, because I’m not, but I’m better, which is what I wanted.  What’s annoying is when (admittedly well-meaning) people are like, “Here’s what you’re doing wrong!” and try to teach me about techniques which I already know, but which just don’t work for me.

This happened two weeks ago I think, and I’m sure the lady meant well, but she also was ignoring me when I said multiple fucking times, “I understand, but I have spatial awareness problems, that doesn’t work for me.”

Like, repeating something at me over and over is not going to make it any more true.  I hear what you’re saying, you’re just wrong.

So in other news I finished two more of the Mori Girl Cats, and that dumb little werewolf thing that was strictly for my own amusement.  (Someone was like, “That would make a great t-shirt,” and haha, I’m not fucking falling for that one again.)  I also organized the office / computer area of the Geek Room, we stashed away the last of the convention stuff, and it feels much more clean and open and neat.  A place I actually want to hang out, and not anxiously work while avoiding the pile of shit sitting behind me!

Last night I also installed Sims 3 and treated myself to a handful of expansion and “stuff” packs.  I only had enough time to create one Sim last night, but I already look forward to giving him a cold.

…*cough*...

Unrelated, but I meant to talk about something that happened last Wednesday, when I was out running my Mom around to her appointments and whatnot.

So… for anyone who didn’t follow me on Facebook or my old Tumblr, the short version is that my Mom and I have a very long and complicated history. She was not a very good mother, she is a textbook covert narcissist.  She was an alcoholic for many, many years which caused serious and life-altering problems for me as a teenager and young adult, and after she got sober she transitioned to a prescription drug addiction which further deteriorated our already tenuous and fraught relationship, and landed both her and my stepfather in financial ruin.

About a year and a half ago, to help save them from the road to homelessness, we helped them sell their old house and moved them to Bucks County to live about 10 minutes from us, in a mobile home park.  We helped them get it fixed up, we help with maintenance, running errands, etc.  It’s a very cute little house, and although it took some time I think they see that now, and that their lives are better off.

When they first moved up here my mother was still on prescription drugs, but she very quickly found that it was impossible to find a new doctor to continue prescribing her the same pharmaceutical cocktails she wanted.  And boy did she fucking try. She’s already changed doctors at least three or four times since moving here, whipping out her favorite refrain of “I don’t think this doctor knows what they’re talking about!” every time they’re like, “Yeah, you don’t need to be on a steady stream of opiates.”

Eventually the lack of drugs caught up with her, the withdrawal passed, and for the past year or so she and I have actually gotten along okay.  She is still, and always will be, a difficult person, and I worry about whether or not she’ll find a doctor to start filling prescriptions again, but until then things are… okayish.

Anyway, that’s the long back story.

Back when they were still living at their old house, Marc and I would periodically go to visit them.  My Mom was always drugged out of her gourd, so I fucking hated going, but I had to do my duty, and she made every excuse imagineable for why she couldn’t come visit us.  So once a month we’d pack up, trek over to her house, order take-out, hang out for a while, then go back home again.

Except my Mother would do this thing where, after the food arrived, she would put the plates out, and then she would continue to gather plates and reorganize the kitchen while everyone was sitting down, serving themselves and eating.  

Like, the food would be on the table, we’d all be halfway through our meals and well on our way to being done, and my Mom would still be in the kitchen sorting around in the drawers for a mystery spoon or bowl that she needed, then finding it, washing it out, drying it, realizing it was the wrong one, putting it away, etc.

Eventually she would come out while everyone else was finishing up, serve herself a tablespoon of food, eat half, and then talk about how full she was.

For a while we would be like, “Mom… everyone is eating. We have everything we need. We literally don’t need anything else. Just come in and eat,” and she would ignore us.  Eventually I just stopped caring, and let her do her thing while the rest of us ate.  The sooner we finished the sooner we could leave.

I don’t know how else to describe her behavior apart from manic.  Like, when it was time to order, if I asked her for a menu, she would bring me the menu, and for fifteen minutes after I had called to place the order she would still be rooting through the drawers looking for more / other menus.  She would get herself so worked up that sometimes while we were sitting downstairs hanging out she’d have to go up and be sick.

All this just to give you a sense of what she used to be like.

Anyway.  I’m driving her home from an appointment on Wednesday, and she’s commenting how all of us just naturally turn into their mothers as we get older, even though we don’t want to.  In that I stayed dead silent through this observation I think she recognized that I disagreed.  So then she moved on to how different some daughters are from their mothers, especially in the kitchen.

And she said to me, “Like when I cook, I have to clean as I go along, I can’t just put everything in the sink until later.  Remember when you used to come over to eat, and you’d say to me, ‘Mom, come and eat, the food is ready!’ and I’d be so busy cleaning up that I wouldn’t even realize!”

And I’m like, “....”

Because that’s not what happened.  That’s not even fucking remotely what happened.  So she has spun the reality where she is an out-of-control manic drug addict and spun it into a funny story about how she’s such a neat freak that she doesn’t realize it’s time to eat.

I was sorely tempted to correct her, but at the last second realized it wouldn’t make a difference either way.  She is never going to look back on her behavior with any kind of clarity, and trying to force her to do so would just make the day end on a sour note.  If she wants to live in delusion, that’s on her.  I can tolerate it, but I’m certainly not going to feed into it by saying something like, “Yes, that’s precisely how it happened.”

She’ll have to learn to interpret the silence on her own.

Anyway, I guess that’s it.  Greatly looking forward to getting home and having a nice night on the couch, or maybe playing Sims some more.  I may even make some tea.

I hope all of you are doing well <3

[fun-with-colors]

2 3 7 10 12 13 14 18 19 20 40 46 50 Quarantine asks? (Sorry if thats too many)

That’s totally fine! Happy to answer questions, haha

I hope you don’t mind if I sometimes take the opportunity to go off on tangents and anecdotes, though. If it comes up. 

Whew, alright. Let’s do this. 

I’m gonna put this under a readmore because it’s probably gonna get long. And because, for once in my life, I am actually on the desktop version of tumblr.

2. Grilled Cheese or PB&J?

Grilled cheese. PB&Js can get soggy more easily, and they can be kind of mushy if you get the ratios wrong. Besides, they’re much more likely to be sticky and messy, and honestly there are very few things I hate more in this world than having my hands or face be sticky. 

3. Background video for when i don’t have anything to watch, but I want Something On?

I really like this youtube series called Citation Needed. Its premise is that it’s kind of like a reverse trivia thing. One guy has a laptop with a wikipedia article up, and he’ll give the other 3 guys only the name of the article, and they have to figure out what the article is about. It’s hilarious, and also informative. Honestly, pretty much anything with Tom Scott is good background stuff, I’ve found. That might just be because he makes videos about computer science and linguistics, though, and those two things are pretty much my favorites.

7. First word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “mom” or “dad”)?

I’m pretty sure it was “ball.” Boring, I know. 

10. Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general?

I own a few signed books, but that was mostly just happenstance. The only thing I have that’s special for being signed is a poster for a play I was going to be in. It was cancelled due to the coronavirus, sadly. It’s signed by a lot of the other members of the cast and crew. 

12. What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get, if you could get anything?

I alternate between regular cream cheese and strawberry cream cheese. Honestly, I’m intrigued by the idea of a thin layer of cheesecake on top of a proper new york bagel. (though the idea of cheesecake on one of those “it’s just circular bread” bagels sounds horrible)

13. Brunch or midnight snacks?

Why not both? A snack after I wake up, and then a lunch(?) somewhere between 10 am and 3 pm, dinner at about 6:30, and then a midnight snack. 

14. Favorite mug you own?

I’ve got a few that are great. There’s one that looks like a red solo cup, which is awesome. I’ve also got one with a cat on it sitting at a desk with a bunch of papers with complicated graphs on them saying “at one point, this made perfect sense”

18. What’s the one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you like nonetheless?

Uh... hm. I don’t watch many TV shows. Recently I’ve been binging My Hero Academia, but I don’t think that’s the answer to the question. There isn’t one, really? I used to watch TV shows that I now find kind of embarrassing, but at the time I was smack dab in the middle of the demographic, and I didn’t find them embarrassing at the time. There is a TV show that I was watching a few months ago (but ended up dropping) called Interviews with Monster Girls that definitely fit into this category, though. 

19. That book you were forced to read for class but ended up enjoying?

Hmm. There were a few books that I liked when I read them but have since grown less enthusiastic about, including Lord of the Flies and the Great Gatsby. However, I did really like To Kill a Mockingbird. I actually had to read that twice for school, once in middle school and once in high school. 

20. Do you match your socks?

It depends. I’ve got some socks where I definitely match them, because they’ve got words on them or something, but there are some pairs where I don’t worry about it too much. That said, I absolutely make sure that the socks are the same thickness, the same material, and the same height. Otherwise, it’s unbearable. Basically, since all of my socks are colorful and patterned and from a bunch of different sets, I just make sure the two socks are from the same set. 

And now it’s time for:

SOCKS THAT MY MOM HAS GOTTEN ME OVER THE YEARS:

-a pair that say “Kick this day in it’s sunshiney ass”

-a pair that say “I’m a delicate fucking flower”

-a pair that say “Love you... weirdo”

-a pair that say “These are my cuddly period socks”

-a pair that say “Cats don’t care if you’re crazy”

-my grandmother got me a pair that say “fuck off, I’m reading”

-a pair that say “you say crazy cat lady like it’s a bad thing”

And my personal favorite, 

-a pair that say “Adult in training” (They seem like they’ll always bee too big for me)

Alright, back to the questions

40. Where do you sit in the living room?

Either on the left side of the couch or on one of the two chairs opposite the couch. Mostly the couch. There are only really 3 places to sit in the living room, and I don’t really spend enough time there to have a specific place. Really, the only place where I have a “specific place” is at the kitchen table. 

46. What’s the freezer food you stock up on when you go to the grocery store?

I don’t really have a staple for this. I guess... pasta? Mac and cheese or tortellini? Most of the time I just buy box mac  and cheese and non-frozen tortellini, though. 

50. How are you at climbing trees?

Oh man. I miss the days when I feared neither bugs nor moss nor splinters. I had a reputation as a kid. I could (and would) climb anything. I made a point to climb as high as I could any time I saw a climbable tree, and usually I made it pretty far. I remember one time I was at the park with my friends, and there was this huge pine tree. The branches all started too high up to reach, but there was a chain-link fence right beneath it. I climbed up the fence and into the tree, and then I just kept climbing. I got all the way to the very top. The crows that were sitting up there looked kind of confused. My friends were impressed, though. 

I also used to climb to the top of the chain-link thing behind home base at the baseball diamond at that park too. Though, it was pretty common for me to be yelled at for that. The fence was kind of coming apart from the railing at the very top of the cone-shaped part, and so people got nervous when I went up there and laid on the fencing. Never fell, though. 

I also found a way to get on top of one of the buildings at that park. There was a fence that connected up with the back of the building, and there was also a pipe that went up the side of the building. I realized that by climbing on the fence, I could reach the pipe, and I could climb up the brackets holding it to the wall and onto the roof. Eventually, my mom told me that I had to stop doing that, because it was making other parents nervous and she was tired of explaining that “Yes, I know my child is on the roof. Yes, it’s fine. Yes, she can get back down. No, I’m not concerned.” And she also didn’t want other kids who couldn’t get back down safely to copy me. “Hey, stop, you’re making other parents nervous and I’m tired of having to constantly explain that everything’s fine” was a pretty common thing for me to hear. 

There was also that time that I was at a summer camp, and there was a tree. I went up there with a few of my friends, and we were having a grand old time. Eventually, I found a bouncy branch and decided to bounce on it. One of my friends was like “Hey, uh, are you sure that’s safe? It looks like it might break.” And I said “Yeah, it’s fine! Besides, I’ve got this other branch to hold on to if anything happens, not that it wil”--*SNAP* and then I fell. Luckily, I managed to catch myself on another branch on the way down, so it was more like a 7 foot fall than a 15 foot fall, but still. I was fine, if shaken. However, that led to a limit on how high into that tree we were allowed to climb. 

I was also the one who most commonly ignored that limit. 

So, in summary: Pretty good. 

[makingbabyk]

November 26 2019

Today has been a day. The way it was scheduled was supposed to be thus: Work until 1pm, get to the clinic by 1:30pm in order to sign in for my tube test, then my counselling session was scheduled for 4:30pm, which was supposed to be that late since I was told I might not get out of the tube test until 3:30 or 4pm.

The tube test’s start at 2pm and are first come, first served. When I got there I was number 3 on the list, so I settled in and prepared to wait an hour. I was surprised to be called back just 20 minutes later, where I learned the Doc doing the test that day had had a cancellation and was going to start early, plus the two people ahead of me on the list weren’t in the clinic for some reason, so I got to go first.

The test was AWFUL. They put a catheter up to my cervix, inject a dye and insert a trans-vaginal ultrasound and take a look to see if the fallopian tubes are blocked or not. Pressure against the cervix hurts like a mofo, so the catheter was awful, and they had to inject dye a few different times which I could feel every time. They could see my left tube fine, it was completely clear. But the right tube they couldn’t really see, apparently it was hiding behind some part of my large intestine or something. Though they did say I had a really nice follicle maturing on the right side. 

After the test I got dressed and went to reception to find out where I had to go for my counselling session, and since it wasn’t even 2:30 at that point, I asked if they could check and see if the counsellor could get me in earlier. Thankfully Jan, the counsellor, was free right then so I only had to go down a floor and wait a few minutes before getting in to see her.

I was very nervous about that session, but she was lovely. I told her why I was going through this process, and we talked about my support network, what’s been going on in my life the last few years, the donor selection process. Everything. She seemed really happy with my answers and said she felt I was very well prepared for this process. She also encouraged me to attend a support group she runs for single folks having kids on their own. It meets the 4th Thursday of each month, so I’m going to try and go this week. It’ll be a good networking opportunity, and, according to Jan, it’s a great resource of like minded people. Apparently, they're a pretty close group and they even have a holiday social in January and a big party in August. I’m looking forward to checking it out. 

So now I’ve just got to wait until my follow up on December 4, where Dr Dv and I will go over the next steps and decide when to start. 

More to come….

December 5, 2019

So I went to the support group last week and it was wonderful. Everyone had something to say and a story to share. Lots of questions were asked and we were all able to give our perspectives, it was really great.

I have my follow up with Dr Dv yesterday and it went great. I got there about 10 minutes early and ended up waiting a bit for her, but just before she came and got me the counsellor, Jan, was walking through the clinic and stopped to chat with me. 

Then Dr. Dv came and we went back to her office to go over everything.

All of my results came back good. My AMH, which measures ovarian reserve, came back about mid range, which is good because being too high can mean you have PCOS (poly-cycstic Ovarian syndrome). My CBC was a bit wonky, which she thought might mean I didn’t drink enough water so we redid that test. And everything else was normal or at least expected based on my past physicals.

Then we went over my options and decided on a game plan. Basically we’re going with a medicated IUI. I’ll be taking Letrozole for 5 days during my cycle to encourage two follicles to mature, instead of the usual one. That will double my chances of one fertilizing. It also increases your chances of multiples, but, as she said, that change goes up to 7-15%, however in her time she hasn’t seen it in 5% of cases, so she’s not overly concerned. The goal is to for me to get pregnant within 3 cycles.

The other options were no drugs with IUI, which would mean less chance of pregnancy each cycle, and we’d probably try 6 cycles before re-evaluating. Or we could go straight to IVF, which she thought was extreme given my age. If I was closer to or over 40 she might recommend it, but she didn’t think it would be necessary.

The plan is to skip my next cycle, since that would probably put insemination right over Christmas, and start in January. Based on my calculations, but January cycle with start January 3 or 4 and then the schedule will be:

Day 2 or 3: go in for cycle monitoring. This will be bloodwork and ultrasound. Dr Dv will review the results that day and call me to tell me when I have to come in next and when to start taking Letrozole. 

Days 5-10: I need to go in to get the tube test done again. She wants to be able to see the tube they couldn’t see last time (my left one I think), she can’t do the insemination if the tube is blocked and that’s the side the egg will be released from that month. During this time I’ll probably have to go in every few days for cycle monitoring to see how things are progressing.

Day11+: Insemination sometime after day 10. I’ll continue to go in for cycle monitoring and when Dr Dv see the eggs are getting ready to release in the next day or two, she’ll call me and tell me when to come in for insemination.

After insemination there’s the dreaded two week wait before pregnancy testing (I believe that’s blood and another ultrasound) and I get to see if it worked. If it didn’t then we start all over again the next cycle.

It’s kinda crazy that this is going to happen so soon, yet January also feels so far away lol. I definitely don’t want to get started any sooner, but I’m glad it’s happening at the beginning of the month.

More to come…. 

December 7, 2019

I’ve been trying to put into words how I’m feeling, but the words aren’t coming. So to put it plainly…

I’m feeling anxious and maudlin, maybe because I’m sleep deprived

A lot of my high school friends who have kids that are already in school are posting about christmas and it’s making me ache for a baby

I’m terrified that I’m making a mistake doing this alone

I’m worried because it feels like this is happening to easily for me, and I honestly think it should be harder. But I also don’t want to borrow trouble so I’m trying to ignore that feeling, but it wasn’t helping. 

I’m debating going back to Jan, the counsellor, for another session. But I can’t seem to articulate my thoughts to myself, so I’m not confident in my ability to make sense to her.

On top of this I’m moving February 1 and the movers are going to run me about $600+, which is about 50% more than I paid last time. So that’s going to cut into my cash flow for cycles, but I guess that’s what credit cards and overtime is for. I’m going to work as much overtime the next two weeks as I can get away with, so I can bank as much cash as possible. It’s a bit of a mess, but I’m done my christmas shopping, so I should be able to control my expenses over the next couple of months much better. I mean, how much do I really need to eat? I’m joking, well I’m serious in that if I cut out junk food (aka take out) I’ll save myself a boatload of money. I’ve also got a freezer full of stuff I should eat before moving, and it’s much healthier than what I usually eat for lunch.

I’m rambling, so I’m gonna log out now.

More to come….

January 7, 2020

Christmas and New Years have come and gone. It was a busy holiday season on top of a busy period at work. But I was able to crank out some decent overtime, which will pay for my movers at the end of the month, and also pay off some credit card bills to make some room for the fertility bills

My period is due to start today, which means day 2 or 3 is coming soon, and with that comes my first cycle monitoring appointment. I’m excited and terrified still, but it honestly doesn’t seem real some days. 

My move is happening at the end of this month, and my promotion, which I’ve been waiting for since October, should come through this month as well. But I’m not really holding my breath on that one. It’ll happen when it happens. 

I’m trying to be a realist and remember that the likelihood of insemination working on the first try is slim to non existent, but I’m hopeful it’ll work within three. 

Not much else to report I guess

More to come… 

January 8, 2020

My period finally started today. It was due yesterday, but it’s been at least a day or two early the last three months, so I was expecting it earlier. But of course that means it would come late. 

Regardless, it’s here now and that means cycle monitoring starts. First visit is Friday. 

More to come…

January 9, 2020

I go for my first cycle monitoring appointment tomorrow. I’m fucking terrified. 

What if I got the days wrong?

What if the cycle doesn’t start until my period is done?

What if I forget to sign up on one of the clip-boards?

What if they see something weird on the ultrasound and refuse to inseminate me?

What if. 

What if..

What if... 

I’m a fucking mess. 

More to come… 

January 10, 2020 (7:05 am)

Cycle monitoring today. Got here at 6:30am and the door was locked. Another woman showed up and we waited outside for a few minutes for one of the techs who was able to let us in. Then it was a wait until 7am when the office doors were opened. 

Had to sign up on ultrasound, Dr Dv and blood work clipboards (I didn’t screw it up!) and then take a seat. I was first in line so I’m number one for ultrasound, two for the Dr Dv (she’s going to call me anyway) and three for bloodwork. 

Now to wait. 

(7:45am)

I was done inside 30 minutes. Told work I was going to be an hour later. Instead I’m 15 minutes early. Needless to say I’m giggling at my desk over the absurdity of it all. 

Dr Dv will give me a call later this morning to let me know when to come in next and if I should start my meds yet.

I also booked my 2nd tube test for January 14, which will be a bucket of fun I’m sure.

I did meet a couple of nice ladies in the line outside the office, one was a first timer like me, and the other is on her 2nd cycle. It felt good to recognize a couple of faces as I moved through the office.

(9:10am)

Oh, and I turned my ankle on a pothole in the middle of an intersection on my way to the clinic this morning, so my right ankle is screaming, my left wrist (from catching myself as I went down) aches and my left knee was scraped. And the system at work is down. Hopefully It’ll come back before the end of the day, we’re supposed to do OT tomorrow (Saturday).

It’s been a day folks. 

(10:20am)

Of course the doc called while I was in my daily meeting. 

Blood work was good. I’m going to start the meds today, I need to take them for 5 days. And I go back for the next cycle monitoring on Day 11, which is Saturday Jan 18. I’ll see Dr Dv that day and IUI should be within a few days of that. Got to try and remember to ask if I can pay admin fees early and what the process looks like on the IUI day. 

(4:05pm)

They system never came back up and OT for tomorrow is cancelled. Monday is gonna be an adventure for sure.

More to come…

January 11, 2020

So I haven't really updated about the rest of my life here. 

I move at the end of the month, currently the movers are booked for January 31, but I’m hoping to get that changed to January 29, the mover cost will go down by $30 an hour if I can get it 2 days earlier. I’m going to the co-op this coming wednesday so I can take some measurements for windows, I also want to take some pictures and get an idea on where the best place to park the moving truck is. I’m hoping the building has a service elevator and I won’t just have to use the main elevators. But I’m not counting on it. 

I’ve also been working on getting a promotion at work. It was supposed to come through in October but it didn’t. My manager just told me he was working on it. 

Well on New Years Eve I had a short conversation with him about leaving early, everyone else on the team had been bugging him about leaving 30 minutes early, at 4pm, but since 4pm is my regular end time i didn’t say anything. Until we got to 3:45pm and all my work was done, plus there was only a few end of day transactions left, so I asked if I could leave then and he told me I should stay and help my teammates finish their work. Needless to say I felt like he was saying I wasn’t a team player, and that really angered me. I ended up leaving at exactly 4pm without saying anything to anyone and it took a few days for me to calm down and not be so upset by it. After spending a couple of days thinking about it, I realized most of my anger was about my frustration over this promotion. So I went in and talked to him about it. I made sure to be clear that I was upset by the conversation we’d had, and he was very understanding. He appreciated me coming to him and apologized for what was mainly him not being clear and not really thinking about what I was asking for as a person, he was mostly focussed on the team as a whole. 

Then I explained my frustration over the promotion, and how it was mostly rooted in the fact that I didn’t know WHY it wasn’t happening. He explained that it was his and our directors fault, they were not being as quick as they should be in getting the new job description for my role completed. It’s annoying and very frustrating, but at least I know why, and it should be completely this month. Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and they’ll backdate it, though I’m not holding my breath. 

Over all it’s been an interesting start to the year and the rest of 2020 is probably going to be just as fun. 

More to come….

January 13, 2020

So this entry might not stay in, but I feel the need to get some stuff off my chest.

Let me start by saying that I understand that I made the decision to take this journey on my own. I am fully aware that I don’t have anyone else going to appointments with me, or anyone holding my hand when I have procedures done. 

But nonetheless I’m disappointed. When I’ve spoken about this taking this journey with other people, I’ve gotten a lot of excited and happy responses. Everyone has been thrilled for me, and seemed really impressed that I’m going for this on my own. But once the journey actually started… things changed.

Either the people who said they wanted to be there aren’t, or they don’t seem at all interested in the process. I feel like I’m doing a lot of talking, providing a lot of information, that no one is asking for. I’ve made no secret of when my doctors appointments are, but I never get “hey, how’d it go?” from the people who, previously, were the most excited about it. 

So I’ve made the choice to stop talking about it, unless you ask. I’m starting to feel selfish and like I’m giving you too much information that you don’t want, and that’s not fair to you, or a good feeling for me. 

Instead I’ll focus on chronicling my journey here, and sharing with my support group. And if people want to know, or come to me with “why haven’t I gotten an update?” I’ll tell them. 

But I can’t be the one who starts every conversation. I can’t be the one always doing the reaching out. 

I’m going to start being selfish in a different way, I’m going to start taking care of myself. If you want to know, ask. And if you don’t, well, don’t worry, I won’t bother you with my issues from now on.

More to come… 

January 14, 2020

Today was my second tube test. To say I wasn’t looking forward to it is an understatement but I needed to get it done since one tube was blocked from view last time. The Dr Dv won’t do IUI if she sees the egg is about to release on the side that they couldn’t get a view of. And they won’t know which side it is until IUI day so I’d end up wasting over $1000 if they couldn’t get a clear view. 

So I got off work at 1pm and headed to the clinic. I was signed in (number 1 on the list) at 1:20pm and settled in for what I’d hoped would only be a 40 minute wait. 

Needless to say, when it hit 2:40 and I was still waiting, I was less than impressed. 

The nurse called me around 2:50 and told me I needed to pee in a cup so they could confirm I wasn’t pregnant. Then she took me to the room where I got undressed. And then proceeded to wait another 30 minutes. Twice someone came in and told me the Dr was delayed, the second time I was less than polite in my reply. 

Dr L came in about 3:20. He was nice enough, for someone who didn’t feel the need to even introduce himself. But he told me everything he was doing before he did it, told I was doing really well, and was done in under 5 minutes. So I’ve forgiven him for making me wait so fucking long. 

Anyway, both tubes are clear! 

On Saturday I’ll go in for another cycle monitoring appointment and see Dr Dv that day. She’ll have a better idea of when IUI day will be at that point. 

Holy crap I could be getting inseminated this time next week. That’s crazy. 

Now it’s home to do a bit of packing and go to bed early. 

More to come….

January 18, 2020 (7:50am)

Cycle monitoring again today. Getting up at 6am on a Saturday to get blood drawn and an ultrasound up my vagina is not a fun way to start the weekend. 

Doesn’t help that my stomach is unimpressed with me. Not sure if that’s nerves or what. I’m feeling a bit bloated and cramps, which is weird for this point in my cycle. It could be I’m hyper aware of my body because of this process, or maybe it’s the drugs. Or maybe it all in my head. Who knows. 

(10:45am)

Just got home from the appointment. Dr Dv says I have two nice looking follicles. One at 17mm one at 19mm. She wants to give the 17mm one another day to grow so I have to go back tomorrow. 

So it’s another trip downtown tomorrow to check on that, and if I haven’t surged they’re going to give me a trigger shot to ensure I ovulate in the following 36 hours. Then Monday I’ll go in for another ultrasound and bloodwork followed by the IUI. 

I’m fucking terrified. 

(10:20pm)

I’m getting ready for bed and all the sudden I’m feeling very melancholy. I assume it’s the medication making me emotional, but honestly…. I’m having some doubt. I’m all alone. And even though I know I have people I could call if I need help, I’m unreasonably upset that I need to ask for it. 

I fully admit that this is my problem, and not anyone else’s. But that doesn’t stop me from wishing someone would call and ask how things are going. Offer to help. Or even just want to hang out.  

I guess I’ve always been a loner, and if there isn’t an event of some kind, I’m not really the person people call just to chill. I don't really know why. And maybe I’m too old to change. 

Going to head to bed and hope tomorrow morning has me feeling better about everything. 

Another 6am day for cycle monitoring. 

More to come…

January 19, 2020 (7:38am)

Another day. Another cycle monitoring. 

Not feeling much better this morning. But all I can do is power through. I know I’m making the right choices for me, so a little doubt isn’t going to stop the journey now. 

January 20, 2020 (7:25am)

I wasn’t really in the mood to update yesterday. It took most of the day for me to shake the funk I’d gotten into. 

My bloodwork and ultrasound were good. Then I waited for quite awhile to see a Dr. Dr Dv wasn’t in yesterday so I ended up seeing Dr B. He was very nice and took the time to explain what would happen next, which I appreciated considering how insane the clinic was yesterday morning. 

He confirmed IUI for today, and said I needed the trigger shot. 

So after talking to him I went and waited for a few more minutes for the nurse who took me back for the shot and then explained the IUI-day process even more. 

She then took me to reception to pay for the trigger shot ($108) and the IUI admin fee ($495) before I was free to go. 

I decided to take today as a personal day since I’m not sure what the day is going to be like and I’m not feeling 100%, mentally, still. 

I got here at 6:30 this morning and waited, as always, for the clinic to open. At 7am I signed in for ultrasound, blood and to see Dr Dv. Since I was so high on the lists I decided to wait until after they were done to head to andrology to sign and have my donor sperm thawed and prepped. 

Blood and ultrasound went fine and the signing was quick. So now I’m waiting for the Dr to call me back. I’m not sure if I’m meeting her before I go back to be inseminated or not. 

But I do know I’ve got an hour before anything happens. Thankfully they’ve got wifi and I brought a book. 

(8:38am)

It’s been just over an hour and now I’m getting nervous again. 

I really don’t want to do this alone. But I’ll power through. 

(9:49am)

I’m lying here for the ten minute wait. The insemination went well and after this I just have to get my suppositories from the nurse and go home. 

Facebook just told me it’s apparently blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year. Not gonna lie, I kinda like that this was my insemination date. 

(11:45am)

It honestly doesn’t feel real. I’ll be using progesterone suppositories until February 2, when I go in for a pregnancy test. 

The dreaded two week wait. 

Thankfully I’ll be busy with packing, moving and unpacking which should hopefully keep me distracted enough to not obsess over it all. 

We’ll see. 

More to come….

January 21, 2020

So the last couple of days have been a bit of a train wreck for me, emotionally. I’ve just been feeling very down, and having some doubts about pretty much everything. I also didn’t get nearly as much packing done as I wanted to this weekend. 

But yesterday a friend reached out and asked me how the day went. It helped me remember that there are some people who care about what I’m going through right now.

Okay, that’s not fair. I know all of my friends and family care, but I can tell they don’t know how to handle this process, so they’ve pretty much decided to stay hands off. Which is their choice. It’s just a bit isolating.

Anyway, I texted with K for a bit and went to bed feeling less alone that I had during the day. 

Got up this morning and it’s back into the work routine. Unfortunately I wasn’t the only person who took an unexpected day yesterday, so the workload is a bit of a mess. And I had to make it clear to the team that I wouldn’t be working any overtime until after my January 29 move day, because I have too much to do.

Now to power through the rest of the day and get some packing done when I get home.

The next 12 days are going to be interesting, that’s for sure.

More to come…

[moonette-wolfsong]

First Time Bulk Shopping Tips:

Very, very new to this so still learning and figuring things out as I go however so far the things I have learned are:

1) No cross contamination between ingredients: 

Any cross contaminant means the /entire/ container of product is now contaminated and must be thrown out. Considering how bulk stores will often have more expensive niche market and/or organic ingredients I imagine this really wouldn’t be cheap.  

It’s such a big problem that my local nature friendly store only have /very/ limited bulk products because they are worried about kids coming in and cross contaminating things. Bulk stores are a /privilege/ and they go out of their way to cater to the customers as well as due the best thing for the environment. 

Also going wheat, gluten free etc has gained a reputation for people who are just dieting. However some people can get sick or even die from consuming too much gluten just like some people are extremely allergic to nuts. I currently know somebody who seems like they feel ill from eating any type of grain somedays. Wheat, rice, lentils etc. They’re not allergic but they do have food intolerances and need to carefully watch exactly how much they eat or take a pill to help their digestive system process the food. If cross contamination becomes a problem it’s not only a problem for the store money wise but it also means those with food allergies on any level may be to wary to attempt shopping at a bulk food store. 

So when bulk food shopping try your best to ensure that when you are shifting between products that you /always/ grab the correct scoop or grab a new one.

2) Forget the big containers, focus on the little ones:

The first time I tried bulk food shopping I grabbed a bunch of big containers. I was planning on grabbing a heap of ingredients because the bulk food shop is in another town so I’m not there often. Walking in however I was blind sided by all the unfamiliar products. Lots of the products were natural alternative niche ingredients which made sense but they where also unfamiliar. The familiar items where there but I was so taken aback the first time that I didn’t really notice them. The spice refill section however now /that/ section was familiar, very obviously noticeable and really useful. It’s currently my touch stone in this new familiar yet unfamiliar world. However the first time most of my containers where too big for spice refills, something I made sure to correct the next time.

Also because the ingredients where so unfamiliar I wanted to do some sampling to see if I liked them before I bought a lot of them. Also it’s nice to be able to sample some of the more expensive stuff to see if you like it or to see if you react to it or not. So having smaller containers was useful from that perspective. eg. I really wanted pasta the first time I went except there was no wheat pasta, only alternate gluten free pasta options. Alternatively if you react to some foods, you could test something expensive like banana flour to see if it’s safe for you to eat or not. 

Also I belatedly realised that because I was going so infrequently I’d probably want to buy staple items in a bulk bag /anyway/ so I really didn’t need large containers to buy them in like I’d planned too. 

Well I’d likely buy flour in smaller amounts if we were there more often since flour is better fresh. However I’m not traveling that much and I’ve since learned our local nature store sells flour in bulk bags. Currently it’s winter so it’s cold enough that we can store the flour in the pantry. When it warms up things things may change or since we have a big freezer we may just stick the flour in there instead.

Zero Waste Bulk Food Shops are Natural Food Shops /NOT/ supermarkets!

3) aka have a shopping list, trust the website:

As shown above not having a shopping list and being caught by surprise was probably my biggest flaw the first time I bulk shopped. I’d looked up the website that had the products listed however I assumed that the store would hold a greater variety then the products listed. As somebody used to shopping in regular supermarkets rather then niche natural food shops my automatic reaction to staple items like wheat pasta being missing was that obviously not everything in the shop was listed on the website. Ah no, no the website was no ‘missing’ ingredients.

The key mistake I made here was that natural food shops are niche shops for a /reason/. They are there because they supply what the regular super market /doesn’t/. So zero waste bulk food shops are really just natural food shops by another name. You really can’t expect to walk into a natural food shop and have them selling all the staple ingredients you’re used to, it just doesn’t happen. My local nature store is literally a natural food store primarily, it just happens to have a small bulk food section. (Making generalised assumptions from my very limited experience but well lets call them educated guesses.)

Hopefully finding regular staples in bulk food shops will become easier down the track. However at the moment the shops near me are catering to the niche natural food market that is already there. I can’t speak for all bulk stores since some may be different. However if you’re a regular supermarket shopper like me, it’s probably an important point to keep in mind. If you come into the bulk stores near me expecting a supermarket in disguise you may end up very disappointed. Some ingredients are the same however so far I’ve found even the ones that are familiar are sometimes organic which can sometimes make them more expensive then intended. 

So long story short, have a shopping list and not just any shopping list but an /informed/ shopping list. Try and find out if the shop has a website listing ingredients and prices and if it does /use it/. Being prepared and keeping an open mind to alternatives will probably make your shopping experience much more pleasant.

Note: The point about bulk shops likely catering to the niche natural food crowd only makes the point about cross contamination /more important/. Since in my experience that crowd is going to include those with food intolerances and allergies because niche natural food shops provide them with alternatives that supermarkets don’t have. 

4) Wide mouth containers only:

Most of the food is scooped up with wide scoops so you want wide mouth containers/bags that can accommodate that without risking mess. 

Also I quickly realised bringing my glass herb/spice bottles in to refill them directly wasn’t going to work. The scoops provided look like tablespoons and were too wide for the bottles. I later discovered that the shop did have funnels however they weren’t set out for easy use. This may be because of limited room at the herb filling station which is only a small table. Since I imagine a lot of funnels would take up lots of space. 

Currently I’m not sure if you’re allowed to bring your own funnel. Since you’d need to be careful to not cross contaminate anything but your own food while using it. Overfilling the funnel then tipping the excess back into the original jar wouldn’t be an option if you’ve already used the funnel for something else. (Which may be another reason funnels aren’t readily available.) So personally I’d prefer not to tread on toes or bother people unnecessarily. So I’ll probably just bring small containers to fill then simply refill my spice/herb containers at home. 

Considering that means I won’t have glass jars to worry about for long distance trips this could actually be considered a positive. Also in future it’ll probably be nice to have herb/spices refills handy /before/ they are empty. So I’ll probably be trying to plan ahead more now that I don’t want to just grab a plastic bag refill at the regular supermarket. Although I’ll need to figure out a refill storage system since we only have a small pantry. My knee jerk reaction is clip lock bags which can be washed and reused but trying to move away from that. 

(Silicone bags are too expensive to be out of action for long periods of time. I’m not buying a bunch of them simply so they can sit in storage. Also they are a tad more bulky then clip lock bags. Which is fine in a lunch box, not so great when trying to be space conservative.)

5) Plan for liquid ingredients:

I really wasn’t expecting liquid ingredients the first time. However liquid ingredients can also be a big part of bulk shopping. Cooking oils to refillable liquid detergent. I bought my first batch of liquid detergent in a bottle so I’d have something to store my detergent in and as a tester. However if I’d waited I probably could have used my current detergent bottle once it ran out. Since there are always back up detergent bottles at home so I don’t need to worry about running out completely. 

[rayskitchen]

Purchasing Meat and Game

For this assignment I decided to go down to my friendly neighbourhood butcher, the Camden Market, on Yonge at Roselawn, literally 3 minutes walk from my front door.  I’ve known the butcher/owner, Marlon, for many years now.  He’s close, friendly, and always gives me the ‘neighbourhood discount’, which is a good thing, as he is expensive compared to places like Costco or the local supermarket.  But when you factor in quality and quantity, it works out and it’s always a treat to get something from his store and build a dinner or two around it.

Here’s the store, 

Image taken from https://www.blogto.com/grocery/camden-market-toronto/ December 2104.

I told Marlon what I wanted to do, in particular I told him I wanted something where I could do some of the butchering.  We talked about a whole leg of lamb, and I was getting really pumped about that, but then I realized my wife doesn’t really care for lamb, and we had no dinner parties coming up, so that didn’t seem like an economically sound decision.  We moved next to a nice section of a beef rib roast.  I was going to go for the whole thing, until I realized just how much it would cost, so instead had him slice me off a single rib and the portion of meat directly attached.  In other words, I had him cut me a rib-eye steak, bone in.  Total cost $55 - which Marlon assured me was his cost, just because he likes me, (he is such a smooth salesman, - you know he’s schmoozing you but you don’t care ‘cause the meat is so good and he’s so genuine).  

 It is believed that cattle were domesticated from wild oxen, (aurochs) some 10,500 years ago in the near east, (source:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cattle,  March 2018).  As such they are probably the original domesticated animal.  The cut I chose above is from the beef rib primal. This is the part of the animal spanning from the 6th rib to the 12th.  With the bone in, the cut would be called a rib-eye steak in Australia, - with the bone removed it would be called the same thing in the USA and Canada.  Various other names are used around the world, including entrecote, beauty steak, Delmonica steak, Spencer steak, or market steak.  If I’d not been cheap, and bought more than one rib section, I could have kept the whole thing together and made a rib roast.  Either way, this cut is considered one of the choicest cuts on the animal, due to the extensive marbling and tenderness of the meat, (my purchase was no exception, see the picture below).  This is due to the fact the muscles in the cut are ‘floating’ muscles, meaning they do not do as much work as many other muscles on the animal, for instance the neck and legs.   The meat is therefore great for cooking via dry heat methods, notably roasting or grilling.

Here’s the full cut before I started in on it.  

This was clearly way too much meat for one sitting for two, so I decided to first cut off the rib, (for a nice braised rib to be done later), and then cut the remaining boneless meat into two thinner steaks.   My plan was to make one of the steaks for dinner for my wife and I, using my outdoor grill, a simple example of the dry heat cooking method that suits this piece of meat.   Braising for the back rib is not a dry heat method, but I plan to do it for a shorter period than I would an inferior cut, and from some preliminary research it seems to me that this should work out fine.  An alternative would be to dry rub it and grill it in more or less the same fashion as the steaks.  Perhaps with a nice sticky BBQ sauce applied near the end.  To be determined!

So even after cutting in half, I’m still left with two honking big steaks, one of which I treated to a dry rub and grilled outside. 

I was going to base my recipe on this one, taken somewhat randomly from the internet:  DRY-RUBBED RIB EYE STEAK RESTAURANT STYLE, (taken from http://www.geniuskitchen.com/recipe/dry-rubbed-rib-eye-steak-restaurant-style-330484, March 2018).

Market List

3tablespoons kosher salt (to taste)

2tablespoons brown sugar

1teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes, pulverized

2teaspoons spanish smoked paprika

1teaspoon garlic powder

oil, for brushing grill

2(22 -24 ounce) bone-in rib eye steaks, about 2-inches thick

extra virgin olive oil

Procedure

Combine all the spices in a bowl. Stir to evenly distribute all the ingredients. If you want to monitor the amount of salt, combine all the spices except the salt in a bowl. Add 1 tablespoon Kosher salt and stir. Taste the rub and then gradually add more salt to taste.

Rub the outside of each steak on all sides generously with the rub and store any leftovers in an airtight container. Wrap each steak in plastic wrap two times, and refrigerate up to 24 hours (my preference) or at most 3 days. This makes the steak taste aged.

Preheat a gas or charcoal grill until hot. Brush the grill to remove any left over food, then oil the grill. Remove the steaks from the refrigerator about 20 to 30 minutes before cooking and let them come to room temperature. Just before cooking, remove the plastic wrap and lightly oil the steaks with extra-virgin olive oil.

Place the steaks on a very hot grill and char both sides of the steaks, a few minutes per side. When the outsides of the steaks have become well seared, move the steaks to a cooler part of the grill to continue cooking for 6 to 7 minutes per side for medium rare.

Remove steaks from the grill and let rest in a warm spot for 7 to 8 minutes. Cut the steak off the bone and slice on the bias across the grain in slices to the thickness you prefer, up to 1 inch thick. Add the bone to the serving plate if you have folks who will appreciate it. If desired, drizzle the meat with extra-virgin olive oil. Serve immediately.

Confession time ... I was in a bit of a hurry, so I didn’t actually follow this recipe.  Instead I made a quick dry rub using the following while my grill was heating up .....:

.... and here’s the result - one pretty perfect boneless rib-eye steak.  My grill at home does not generate enough heat, so I was unable to get perfect hash marks on the steak, but it was still delicious, very tender and juicy!   Half of it was too much for my wife to eat in one sitting, so considering there’s one more waiting in my freezer, along with a single back-rib that has plenty of meat on it for another dinner, the $55 price tag is not looking so bad after all!.

As a real bonus, Marlon and I spent a lot of time talking about butchering, and he was quite interested in my culinary studies.  He offered to have me down to the shop the next time he gets in a whole animal, and I’m going to help him do the butchering!   Can’t wait!